#the guy in black is from a novela me thinks

[dubiousdisco]

when donatela had that flashback about how tiny flora was jealous over donatela's doll because she perceived it was prettier than hers and this made her understand that she wanted donatela's love (how tho) (3 smart 5 me) and she stopped the car and told her bf she needed to go back to flora's house alone cause "only I can give her what she wants"

and then when she got there and she was like relax guys i have a plan and flora was like wtf i have a gun and donatela was like "i came here to say i love you, also forgive me, also here's your doll, also, here's a hug also, you can search my body to know if i'm wired or if i- oh you're already doing it ok, also i want to stay with your forever because i love you forever do you want to sing romantic songs to each other and play games and have dinner together also hugging you hugging you hugging you"

she's literally smarter than batman she is the smartest person to ever live she is!!!!!!!! a genius!!!!!!!!!!!!! i would also fall for that knowing damn well it was a lie i would not let this go i would be like do you think im dumb well i am what song do you want to sing

#also you're a princess and you're so smart your father always loved yo- Ok that was too much but I always loved you ok #i think asta from black clover did this a little bit with that girl who wanted to experiment on his body and he said #that if she stopped doing evil and helped he would volunteer for whatever and she was like OMG IM IN #flora: how stupid you think i am #donatela: hugging you #flora crying:I WANTED THIS HUG SO BAD AND FOR SO LONG #me trying to calculate how long she wanted that hug cause why didn't they hug more since they hugged a lot as kids when did they stop #novela tag #flora can't kiss her like that guy from yt wanted cause she couldnt handle a hug much less a kiss

[sappholily]

COD:MWII Zodiac signs

This is inspired by @sleepyconfusedpotato 's post on their MTBIs but I'm not well versed on those so I'm doing Zodiac signs hahah.

Price:

I thought he'd be a Capricorn or an Aquarius but according to his birthday, he's an Aquarius. (so I was half right).

He's very serious but passionate, both traits in Aquarius and Capricorn. However, the thing that made me think he's an Aquarius is his independent-ness. He's a "my way or the highway" type of guy and Aquarius' are notorious for that, it's why they're my fave sign. They're the signs to say "fuck the establishment" and that's Price 100%.

Ghost:

This man has to be an Aries, if not then Gemini. I can't really explain it but those are the ones that feel right.

His adaptability and quick-thinking, dry humor, and intelligence is what made me think Gemini at first. However, Aries' are very fiery, very determined, domineering and intimidating, and headstrong, but they're also sensitive to the needs of others and adjusts depending on who he's talking to.

He has similarities to Battery from Black Ops 3&4 who is canonically an Aries. But he also has similarities to Ruin from the same games and he is canonically a Gemini. Both signs are very similar even though one is air and one is fire.

I will accept Aquarius though, if the devs decide to make him an Aquarius.

Soap:

Leo. I will not elaborate :)

Okay I will. Cockiness. :)

Leo's will be the end of me. Their cockiness is so hot because it's fitting. It doesn't come across as the gross kind of cockiness, rather it comes across as confidence. His humor and sunshine-like personality are also signs of being a Leo.

Gaz:

He feels like a Sagittarius to me, I'm not going to lie. Although they like to be independent and love exploring and going on adventures, they're not as rebellious as Aquarius' are. But also, the dynamic between Aqua and Sag is chef's kiss and reminds me of Price and Gaz.

Rudy:

Libra, but maybe Virgo. They're two very different signs, but they feel right to me.

Libra because he's well-balanced, compromises, has a sense of justice and morals.

Virgo because he's very practical and resourceful, he gets shit done, and is friendly to everyone but he has a tight group that not everyone is a part of.

Alejandro:

Either Libra or Leo, I can't decide as they're both passionate signs, but it shows in slightly different ways from each other. However, if I had to choose, I'd say Libra because of his sense of justice. Libra's are very loyal and often the places they grew up in are the places they will romanticize and go back to, which is very Alejandro behavior.

Valeria:

Leo. Absolutely and 100% a Leo. Her cockiness and assertiveness is rightfully placed, as well as her rebellious nature, and her assuredness that she won't be convicted because they have no proof. (Her actress is a Sagittarius and I used to watch her on novelas when I was younger so I'm so happy to see her in a game that means so much to me 😭)

I had trouble deciding between Aquarius and Leo because they're both similar signs (pretty much the same sign if you ask me), but her loudness is what convinced me she was a Leo.

König:

Cancer, I feel it in my bones. He's a Cancer and you can't tell me otherwise. Everyone always headcanons him as someone who can't take social cues, but Cancer's are well-adjusted people in society. I've always felt that König is very deceiving in that sense. He's not incompetent is social interactions, but he just prefers to not say anything. Social anxiety doesn't make one a blushing mess, it just means you'd rather not deal with so many people.

Laswell:

Aries. Similar to Ghost in the sense that she's very determined, but has that hidden soft spot for the people closest to her. I also headcanon her as a massive cuddle-bug, and that fits with Aries' strong outside, soft inside.

Graves:

He feels like a Virgo to me. Similar reasons as to why Rudy felt like a Virgo--he's practical, gets shit done, makes a great leader, etc. I also can't explain this next part, but he looks like a Virgo.

There's a theory in astrology spaces that zodiac signs look a specific way. I forgot what physical traits Virgo's have, but Graves looks like a Virgo to me. I'm sure I'll come across a post that reminds me, and when that happens, I'll add to this post.

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare 2 #codmw2 #cod mw 2 #modern warfare #zodiac signs #headcanons #cod headcanons #Simon ghost riley #captain John price #john soap mactavish #phillip graves #valeria garza #rodolfo parra #alejandro cod #konig cod #kyle gaz garrick

[youwontlikethisblog]

Forgive Me!

This is a long post, like really long so take breaks if you need them :) There's also some rants in this lol

The night started off with Betty leaving Eco Moda and Armando going to a bar with Mario where they talked about the plan. At some point Mario, seeming sincere told Armando that he was convinced and that he shouldn't go and comply with his duties as a man.

However Armando tells Mario that he can't do that and with an endearing smile told him that Betty was really looking forward to them spending time together, that he couldn't let her down.

As I keep mentioning, Armando has an EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION to Betty up to this point. That emotional attraction is what pushes him forward. He does have a physical attraction to her but it is mostly based and motivated by his emotional attraction. I think it's extremely important to understand that having an emotional attraction to someone doesn't mean you don't find them physically attractive. People usually experience physical attraction at first sight and confuse that as love, however those types of relationships don't last long UNLESS there is a strong emotional attraction and while Armando has first experienced an emotional attraction to Betty and then a physical attraction to her, it doesn't make it any less valid that he does like her and that he is attracted to her but by this stage of the novela Armando, though not completely understanding his feelings towards Betty has now come to be at peace with his emotional attraction, though he still rejects the idea of any attraction to her because he's a man obsessed with perfection.

We have been seeing Armando slowly come around to his emotional attraction to Betty and whenever they have heavily emotional conversations or they are being vulnerable it is when he seems to desire her more. The entirety of his character is that he goes from being this vain and superficial man to being a man that cares for true substance and stops being so selfish. If he were to ONLY feel physical attraction to Betty or be ONLY motivated by that physical attraction than his character would have never learned any valuable lessons in life, aside from not being a liar. However the fact that his attraction to Betty is emotionally strong and the main course of action that moves him to change and INSPIRES him to change is what makes this such an important and impactful relationship to him because he knows he can satisfy his human body, however he's never felt his emotional senses satisfied. I don't want that lost in translation when I do these breakdowns because we understand why he has denied, ignored, and confused his feelings towards Betty, however it is important to also understand that the feelings he doesn't hide away from are the ones he is slowly embracing in the past few episodes that set a foundation to what happens on the night of Betty's party.

For that exact reason we get the scenes we do.

Now that that's out of the way, lets dive in.

Armando told Mario that he thinks Nicolas is still trying to get with Betty, that he had been calling her all day long and that he thinks that Nicolas is a cansón(unbearable) guy.

Later on at Betty's house after Don Hermes gave him a tour of his daughter's degree's and such, they're sitting down while Don Hermes drunkenly tells him about Uncle Lazaro, the man who was rich and lost all his money. As he tells him this emotional story we hear a knock. Betty runs to the door and calls out it's Nicolas and Armando tries to hold his composure.

This scene is a favorite for two reasons: One Nicolas does something that Armando swore he'd never do; take a romantic serenade to Betty and Two that while Armando has said he has never wanted to meet Nicolas in this scene you can tell that he wants to.

As Betty is outside with Nicolas who is telling her that he'll behave and that he even wore his best dress to impress Armando is inside constantly leaning towards the door and looking to that direction.

When Betty finally accepts the serenade from Nicolas Don Hermes words are impactful to Armando as he gives him a nickname, which means that Don Hermes like Nicolas a lot and views him as part of the family and lastly as Don Hermes said; that the most important thing to him was that Nicolas adores Betty.

To Armando this means a lot and it does upset him.

Take a look at the scenes of this episode; Betty's dad brags about his daughter, he shows her off like the most beautiful girl to ever exists and she is(being beautiful transcends the physicality of someone). I highly doubt that Armando's parents ever do that. Roberto didn't even know what his son studied in college. Armando has a deep respect for Don Hermes and fear of him as well(it doesn't stop him from being a jerk but he has it) and for a man that brags about his daughter that way, who protects his daughter so much, and who makes her daughter be respected; to declare Nicolas as the son they never had, say he's a member of the family, give him a nickname and say that what matters to him the most is that Nicolas adores Betty means so much to Armando because he holds none of that.

Armando isn't the one they call son, he isn't a member(not yet at least) of the family, he isn't the one that adores(that they know of) Betty and has Don Hermes approval. It angers him. The post I made "Nicolas Mora Is Better Than You" explains this a bit better. Armando has barely just begun to touch surface of what Betty's personal life is like and he now has to not only view Nicolas as his economic and romantic rival but now as the rival that is also taking away his opportunity to join Betty's family life.

Now add that with his short fuse and obsession with perfection and cleanliness, by the time everyone leaves the man wants to go. Also that Betty accepted Nicola's serenade and roses while he was there.

However when he tells Betty that he wants to go home and for her to follow him to the door he literally stops a step or two away from him, as if he sensed that his shadow was no longer there, he turned to look at her and asked her what was wrong, why wasn't she following him?

He tries to explain that they've been drinking, that his clothes are dirty, and that most places are closed but when he sees Betty's demeanor he lets out a sigh and tells her:

"Well, fine, Betty, okay. Let's see what's open." He says with a soft tone and happy to comply to Betty, who's entire demeanor brightens as she asks if he's for real. He gives her a genuine smile at this, she tells him to give her a moment to grab her things and then they can leave. Armando then hears his father-in-law start to sing and he covers his ears.

Just in time Roman and Co. cause a scene with Marcela and Patty(they were there spying on Armando) so that Armando and Betty can sneak off without getting caught.

(Read posts Betty's New Look, I Don't Believe He Desires Me Part 1 & 2 to better understand these following posts.)

Both Betty and Armando have been drinking that night but Betty more than she is used to so she is being more relaxed ;)

While Armando is driving and looking for a place to eat Betty is giving him small kisses on the neck. When Armando asks if she's had a lot to drink she chuckles and says yes.

As Armando explains that all restaurants are closed and there's no more places open Betty asks if he's still hungry and he sarcastically respondes that the appetizers are her house were exquisite(he didn't get to eat) and asks Betty what place did she suggest.

"We can go dance."

"Dance?" he asks surprised.

"Yes Sir, let's go dance." She smiles but Armando doesn't seem enthusiastic or even happy about it. So Betty leans away from him. "Mm, well, if I'm taking your time, if you don't want to be with me, if you're bored, and you want to go to Ms. Marcela's apartment, I get it."

"Betty it's not that, Betty. How do I explain this? It isn't that. It's just getting late, it's getting really late." He tries to play it off with a laugh. However Betty swallows hard and stays silent. Armando turns to glance at her briefly and takes in a quick breath and says "Okay we'll do something, don't get sad my picarona(google translate gives me both naughty and smart so you do with that information what you will)." he grabs her by the chin. "We'll go dance for a little then."

"The Sir had his drinks too, no?"

"Yeah... but a few." He says at the end. "I still need a few more." he says under his breath. Betty then leans her head on his shoulder and he stops the fake smile and shows a genuine one.

(The next scene is of Freddy dropping off Aura Maria and I'm currently writing another post about them :))

[I don't know if y'all noticed that Both Armando and Betty are using the same outfit that they used the day of the new collection launch(before he changed for the show). Betty is wearing the same green dress with flowers while Armando is wearing the same black suit with the dark gray shirt and dark purple tie.]

Armando and Betty made it to a club where they danced until Armando imagined Marcela catching him and he freaked out and told Betty it was best for them to sit down.

He's paranoid because Marcela hasn't been ringing up his phone so he thinks that she's following him though the times he has spoken to her that night he has always said "We'll talk tomorrow" implying that for the night they won't converse anymore but because Marcela is a controlling possessive freak he is paranoid she'll catch him.

Betty goes onto being the supportive girlfriend who wants to take care of his emotional needs by asking:

"Sir what's wrong? Is something worrying you? Are the drinks making you ill?"

"No." He says after he sets his drink down. "Or yes? I don't know." He looks worried.

"What's happening is that we've drank too much." Betty smiles and runs her fingers through the back of his head. "we're a little crazy." she laughs.

"Yeah."

"But I'll make sure to make you better, sir."(GIRL (0O0)). Armando looks at her serious.

"Yeah, how?"(DUDE I CAN'T Y'ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE TO WATCH AND NOW WRITE? LMBO).

"With my kisses." Betty pulls him closer and he leans down to kiss her and they goin, they goin at it, my guy. For a man who says that he isn't attracted to Betty he sure do have a funny way of showing it. CAUSE DANG SON.

Armando jumps back a few seconds later because he is imagining Marcela sitting across from them watching him. Panicked he jumps back and tells Betty:

"Betty you're like pa-pa-passionate[tonight]."

Betty here asks for consent, she is asking for the go ahead to continue.

"Why Sir? Do you not feel the same that I do?"

"Eh ye-yes, of course."

"This urge to be close, kissing." Betty kisses him "Oh Sir, I need you so so much. Do you need me?" Armando has been distracted looking around him, paranoid that Marcela could be around but also because Betty is really putting it out there, you know?

'Ah?" However to reply to her he finally stops looking around and stares at her and with sincerity tells her "Yes, I also need you so much."

There's a reason why I point this out a lot recently and that is that Armando throws all caution to the wind and prejudice and stops caring about his denial whenever he has let his guard down around Betty and whenever they have been conversing about emotional subjects.

Here when Betty said she'd make him feel better it allowed him to feel her love because it wasn't just Betty flirting, he knew and trusted that she would both emotionally and physically, which is why he invited her flirtatious effort and flirted back. Then when Betty was telling him how much she needs him, asking if he too needs her, though for Betty this was all her flirting and being romantic, to Armando this all felt very emotionally charged because when he responded to her that he too needs her very much it wasn't just physically but mostly emotionally and that means to him so much more than anything else when it comes to Betty up to this point because they haven't sinned(lol) so once more he welcomes and returns Betty's affections.

He still pulls away though and he looks confused and worried as well as uncomfortable.

[EDIT: After watching this scene again(I pressed the wrong episode and I'm too lazy to go back on the disc menu but I ain't complaining) I realize that Armando's expression here isn't him uncomfortable, it's worried, and surprised. After he pulls away he keeps his eyes closed, as opposed to before when before, during, and after he kept his eyes open. He keeps eye contact with her and swallows hard and takes in a deep breath and then searches her eyes.]

"What's wrong, Sir? Do you not want to be with me anymore? Do I make you uncomfortable? Am I bothering your?" Again, Betty is asking him for consent. She is asking him if he wants to. This is so important! Not only because it proves that Betty didn't take advantage of Armando like so many think she did but because it holds a lot of emphasis when it comes to Armando and his affairs/relationship with Marcela and I'll explain that later on in the post.

"No-no it's not that Beatriz. I'm just nervous and paranoid." he says looking around "this thing with Marcela, I don't feel at peace. Why don't we leave?"

"Where to?" Betty asks with a smile.

"Where?" He asks worried.

"Yes, or do you not want to be with me, Sir?" Betty again is picking up on his cues. "We've only been together for a little bit." Betty's had her arms around Armando's shoulders this entire time and is staring at him adoringly.

"No yeah, yeah. I don't know. Let's go somewhere else, like some other place."

"We can go somewhere we can be tranquil and at peace." She flutters her eye. "lets go." She kisses him.

Now Armando once again has been a hit or miss. One moment he welcomes Betty's advances and the next he seems uncomfortable. One moment he sincerely encourages her advances and the next he do so forcefully.

When it comes to consent the lines are very clear. Betty has asked for clear consent and when she herself, drunk or sober, has taken notice that Armando is not on the same page as her, she has asked to reassure herself and him. She is doing all of this under the guidance that Armando feels the same way and is consenting, both physically and verbally.

Yes, she's had a lot to drink which would explain why she isn't so timid as to flirt and show her affection. Betty is a affectionate drunk, or a happy drunk if you will. So this is normal behavior for a drunk Betty. We've only seen her drunk once before(when the girls took her out to celebrate her promotion) and she was pretty happy, giggling, and over-all when she got home very excited and happy as she wrote in her journal.

Armando is a cynical drunk...well he's always cynical. This is really based on personal opinion and not on what we are being told by the writer during this scene so take this with a grain of salt. I believe that Armando IS feeling paranoid about Marcela, obviously, we are shown this but I also believe that the reason he also jumped back when he was kissing Betty is because he felt something other than the emotional attraction he's so used to feeling towards Betty and it was a lot more noticeable to him here.

[EDIT: Hey guys this is a correction to a certain detail that I confused, though the meaning still stands.

I wanted to clarify this because I mixed up both scenes. This is the kiss after he jumps back when he sees Marcela sitting across from them. This time he pulls away from Betty with his eyes closed, that expression that he has is the face that tells us that he knew in that moment that physically he would be capable of doing that to Betty. ]

Now Betty and him leave the club and while Betty is inside the car Armando calls The Love Guru, Mr. Dimples, The Hype Man.

While he expresses that he has no desire, no wish, no anything that inspires him to do that with Betty, Mario tells him that he should just grab the situation by the horns and get it over with, that Betty is testing him to see how far his love for her goes and this is where he finally decides to do it.

Mario didn't use his classic tactics of "The Company! Our Money! Your Family! Nicolas! Your Ego!" this time he said "She's testing to see how much you really love her." and Armando decides, with free will and all, that he'll take Betty to a hotel.

This scene pisses me off for a lot of reasons(it's actually my first time seeing this scene since the NBC airing took it off when I saw this episode so this is all my opinion at the heat of the moment lol)

For one, though Armando does care for Betty, he doesn't care enough. He is disregarding the fact that Betty is a human being, a person with feelings and emotions and all he's doing is just forcing himself to go along with it, yes he has secret desires bla bla bla, but above all, his actions are being driven by deceit, to himself and to Betty. The fact that he doesn't even take some time to consider her feelings, to express himself so disgusted by the idea that Betty, his Betty, desires him and he thinks it's so disgusting that she does, infuriates me!

He is being extremely unfair here because he believes he is the first man to ever lay eyes on her, to ever be physical with her. He believes that he is the first man Betty will ever be with to the extent of the word and even then, even for some stupid sympathy, some stupid chivalry or some stupid kindness! He doesn't think about how she could be feeling! He doesn't stop to consider if she's scared, afraid, nervous, a freakin' wreck! He stops to think "Oh I can't take her to my apartment because then she won't ever leave!" just like he expressed himself about Claudia Boche. He thinks more about himself than he does about Betty and her wellbeing and this plays such a huge role in Betty's future pain.

But damned be his dedication questioned and he'll kick into gear.

While yes Armando has begun to actually play the role of her boyfriend, who has now learned to place Betty's feelings before his own, sometimes, he has yet to learn to be a man about it all. He still hasn't truthfully sat down to try to figure out his dream and when he has done so, he has decided to ignore, deny, reject, and push away.

Betty deserves so much more than this "man" that night.

Ok personal rant over, let's continue being objective.

Okay it's not. Can he make up his mind?

Now it is.

So Armando drives up to a hotel, where Betty asks where they are and he tells her, a hotel(okay sometimes breaking down Armando's behavior exhaust me but it's like I love to suffer IG, so I keep doing this to myself lol so I'm probably gonna be snarky and sarcastic a lot for this one lol) and goes on to explain that he thought this is what she meant but then tells her in a fast pace "or not. We can go home to our beds because we have to get up early-" and Betty interrupts him by saying that it was what she was thinking and leans in to kiss him and again, homeboy goes in. He goes in with enthusiasm, like someone pointed a gun to his head and said "Kiss her like you mean you slut" and he said "bet, no gun needed."

Yo that's a nice hotel(THIS IS ALSO MY FIRST TIME SEEING THE SCENE OUTSIDE OF THE HOTEL. Y'ALL GETTING MY LEGIT FIRST REACTIONS).

Armando's behavior here is embarrassment as he is whispering who he is and that he wants a hotel reservation. He keeps looking around to see if anyone will notice him.

Also Armando is bougie cause he told Calderon that he wasn't going to go to a dingy dark hotel and look at the very NOICE hotel he did go to. The hotel is very nice.

Betty however has not once laid her eyes off of Armando. One could imagine what she's thinking. It's something probably along the lines of "I can't believe this is happening, that he's here, that it's really him and that we're here together. That he desires me just like I desire him."

However as soon as they enter the room Betty's entire demeanor changes. She stops holding onto him and her smile falls from her face and she looks like she's holding her breath. Very timidly she sits on the bed and when she notices Armando sitting as well she moves away with her hands holding each other in front of her, on her lap.

I imagine this probably brings back flashbacks of her first time and how she must've felt. She's probably running all these memories and thoughts of it, wondering if Armando will also be like Miguel.

I do appreciate the fact that this scene is so quiet. It makes it so realistic and honest as well as raw. While Armando is thinking about he is sacrificing himself, Betty is reliving a trauma.

This is why I didn't want to talk about Armando physically desiring Betty as this eager craving that was driving him crazy. His desire for Betty in a physical sense was motivated and pushed forward by the growing of his emotional attraction, again, that doesn't invalidate his attraction to her, attraction is attraction one way or the other the only difference is that physical attraction doesn't last very long while emotional attraction does.

Armando turns to look at Betty with a pain expression on his face. His brows are furrowed but his mouth is in a snarl.

Betty then stands up quickly and excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

Now Betty's first time has a lot of impact here, it isn't only because she's been bullied and made fun of because of her appearance all of her life. Her first time with a man made her feel extremely hideous as a woman. Could you imagine what she felt when she found out that Miguel had only slept with her because of a bet? To look at herself in the reflection of a mirror after that? And not obsess with it, not hate what she was staring at? To not feel disgusted by her own reflection? While before she hated that she was ugly this time it felt so much more personal, to the point that she wanted to die. Her first time was traumatic and it holds so much meaning here.

Betty is staring at her reflection, she glances at her body covered in her baggy clothing and pulls her coat forward, she rolls her shoulders back, pulls her glasses up and stares at her face, while Betty is going through this Armando is going through his own dilema.

He calls up Mario and tells him that he doesn't think he can do this and Mario tells him to order a pill or something but to do it.

"I'm going to try to be more explicit. I won't be capable of it."

"Where's Betty?"

"She's in the bathroom." He points with his hand holding a whisky. "She's in the bathroom, I'm waiting for her to come out. Brother, I want to leave, yeah? I want to run out of here." He says those last words as a begging.

"Look, Armando, I don't think you've understood me. You're playing with fire. Get serious. You can't take her to a hotel room and then try to escape. You can't, it's too late. Comply with your obligation, man."

"I can't. I'm not capable of doing this to Betty. Plus I've had two bottles of beautifiers, of whisky, and none of that, none of that convinces me that I have to do this to Betty."

"Listenlisten wait for her to come out of the bathroom, turn off the lights, close the curtains, leave the room in complete darkness and think of Adriana Arboleda[...] but you're not leaving there, you understand me? You. Are. Not. Leaving."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks a lot." He angrily hangs up the phone. Armando then goes to turn off the lights and close the curtains.

A very shy and timid Betty steps out of the bathroom and the darkness towards the part of the room where the bed is.

"Betty..." He squints at her. "Would you like a drink?"

"No Sir." She smiles. "I drank enough tonight." She laughs(her smile here is so cute! Like she smiles so bright that her eyes almost close and she looks so cute! I told you I love Betty, she is my child and I will defend her to the ends of the earth.) but when she turns to look at Armando she stops. He stands up and goes to kiss her but Betty, though for a second looks like she's going to kiss him, walks past him and sits down on the bed, again, sitting very straight and still(A sign of nervousness) with a worried expression, her hands are once again clasped in front of her, sitting on her lap.

Armando and Betty both lean in to kiss once they're both sitting on the edge of the bed again but Armando pulls away this time. Betty searches his face while he maintains his eyes closed and swallows hard. His expression was pained one.

"What's wrong, Sir?" She leans back. Armando now opens his eyes and stares off at something else.

"it's-it's just that I won't be able to, Beatriz, I'm sorry." He finally says.

"It's because of Ms. Marcela, right?"

"No, it's because of you." He says the last word looking away from her and standing up and going to the couch next to the bed, against the wall.

Betty swallows hard and stares off to the other side of the room and then turns to stare at him, once again swallowing hard, her eyes start to tear up and she nods.

"Don't worry, Sir. I understand." She looks down at her hands.

"Thank you, thank you." Armando replies while staring at her though for a quick second he looks confused about it.

Betty draws in a sharp breath and begins to speak. "I knew that this, this couldn't happen." Armando now stares at her, again, with a solemn expression. "That it was the start of a dream but without an ending." She chuckles while Armando still stares at her, Betty hasn't made eye contact since she said she understood. "I aspired too much with you." Armando looks away from her, deep in thought and considering what Betty is saying. "It was already enough that you would have noticed me, for you to go out with me..." Betty's chin quivers and her eyes become more teary while her voice chokes up as she tells him "for you to have kissed me." she shakes her head and looks like she's fighting the urge to start sobbing. "This is a big deal to me, Sir. What I have accomplished with you up to now, is just too much to just expect that you desire me as well." She finally looks at him.

"No. No, Betty you're misinterpreting what I just said. It's not like that either." He speaks to her softly. Betty however shakes her head, with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"No-nono Sir. You don't have to explain it to me. You-you don't have to feel that kind of attraction for me...that desire. You can't be the exception...and for the fact of having this... very beautiful relationship...by the fact that I love you, Sir." She again makes eye contact with him. "Doesn't mean that you're under the obligation to make love with me." She looks down at her hands.

Armando removes his glasses and stands up to take Betty's hands in his.

"No Beatriz, come, please come." He takes her hands into his and holds them up. "Don't say those things, yeah? Don't say these things, no." he says staring at her.

"Sir." Betty looks somewhere else. "Forgive me. Forgive me for pressuring you, for-for having been so overbearing tonight. Forgive me, sir." She begs. "I'm such an imbecile." She cries. "Forgive me." She covers her face with her hand. Armando takes her hand.

"Don't say those things, Beatriz. I do desire you." He whispers and leans in to kiss her but after two kisses Betty pulls away, stands up and says:

"No no, Sir. You don't have to do it. Don't do it out of compassion or commitment."

"Beatriz I-I'm not doing this nor do I want to do this for any of the things you just said." he says emotionally frustrated. Betty turns to stare at him again.

"Then why do you want to, Sir?" She asks timidly.

"I want to do this because I love you." Armando himself seems surprised by this confession of his. "Because I love you, Betty."

And scene.

Marcela, the models, and the women Armando has had affairs with have more in common than looks and social statues. They also don't take no for an answer.

When Armando has at first said no, has said that he doesn't have time, this and that, the women continued to insist until he finally gave in. Yes, Armando is a seggsual man and yes he does choose to sleep with these models but lets not ignore the fact that he too at times is pressured, persuade, or manipulated. Is he an easy victim? Yes because he is a man driven by his seggsual needs, does this excuse his cheating? No because at the end of the night he does consent because he finally gives in into his desire but it doesn't happen until they basically beg him to. Marcela is a different story. She seggsually manipulates him a lot.

In other words what I'm trying to say is that for the first time ever that's about to change. When he calls Mario to beg him to get him out of that situation, Mario dismisses his feelings and tells him he has to "man up" and do it, an angry Armando agrees and hangs up, however this is very similar to the time he tried to explain his feelings and why he felt so guilty for what he was doing to Betty and Mario just made a joke about it all and he stopped talking about it.

So he stays, against his will, feeling guilty, terrified, and scared of it all and a timid Betty enters the room and when he makes an advance she moves, when he makes an advance and she follows it but stop when she sees that he isn't doing anything anymore, she studies him and asks him what's wrong.

Even when Betty is terrified, reliving a trauma, she caters to him and his emotional needs. Armando finally confesses that he can't do that(I'll explain I promise!), when Betty asks if it's because of Marcela, he again confesses that it's because of her[Betty] and this shatters her but she understands and she again places his feelings and his needs before her own.

Betty has been cautious, sober or drunk. She has asked for consent, she has read his body language, she has waited for him to reciprocate it. Up until this point, Armando had given her the green light. When she was doubtful, apologized, and pulled away, he told her otherwise.

However now things have changed. Again Betty asked for consent and this time he didn't give it. However unlike all the other ones, Betty doesn't pressure nor try to convince him otherwise. This time the woman he was going to spend the night with tells him that she understands him, that he doesn't owe her an explanation, that he isn't obligated to do that just because she loves him.

This time Armando's no is being respected and this holds a huge significance in what is to come next.

As he hears Betty's expression of remorse, her shame and guilt over her behavior towards him, he is once again grabbed by the cheeks and forced to face his feelings for Betty.

When he repeated that he couldn't do that to Betty we have to look at the context of that. Unlike when he spoke to Mario at the office and outside of his car at the club Mario told him to take a pill, something to physically make him capable of doing it but Armando clarifies that he didn't mean that, he meant he wasn't going to do that to her.

That he wasn't going to be her first time under the guise of love when he wasn't even aware that he had those feelings for her.

Finally Armando pulls his head out of his an*se. and starts to think about Betty and how it could impact her because he is capable to physically do this. He sits on the corner of the mattress taking in deep breaths, mentally preparing himself to think of AA to be able to do this but when it comes down to it, when he is now faced with timid and sweet Betty, he no longer can.

When he is faced with an emotional Betty that is being vulnerable, sharing her spirit with him, he is faced with the reality of his feelings.

What is love?

Love is an emotion we all feel to certain degrees. There is familia love, platonic love and romantic love.

Above all that however love has qualities that allow us to pinpoint what we are feeling and if it's healthy.

Love is kind, respectful, honest, loyal, faithful, humble, peaceful it is not possessive nor jealous and it does not hold record of wrong doing. Love is forgiving and love is selfless.

Betty truthfully loves Armando.

However, Armando is still figuring this out but in this scene, while Betty cries and tries to hold herself together, Armando shows to be kind, honest, peaceful, forgiving and selfless.

Armando has the exact same expression he has when Betty is letting him in, when she's giving her all, showing her heart and being to him with simple words of confessions. He is always deeply impacted by what she is saying. When Betty says that she aspired too much he looks away from her because the guilt is now killing him. He is seeing how what he has done has affected Betty and his fear of hurting her sets in because now what Betty feels, he feels too.

"it's just too much to just expect that you desire me as well." his expression here is pained, it hurts him to hear this from her.

He replies to her "You're misinterpreting what I just said."

What exactly is she misinterpreting?

He said that he couldn't have relations with her because of her. For Betty, who has once been with a coward, who has been made the laughing stock of Eco Moda, her neighborhood, and schools, there's only one reason why, she's ugly and no man would ever desire her.

So what does Armando mean here? Because his tone of voice, his behavior is very natural.

Armando couldn't sleep with Betty under deceit. He couldn't sleep with her by pretending she's somebody else and he couldn't sleep with her for the sake of everyone else that he's doing it for(the company and his ego). Armando couldn't be Betty's "first" if it meant he wasn't being honest but as he sits there and listens to her his heart is moved and it isn't for sympathy, empathy, obligation, or pity that he stands up to tell her the he does want to be with her, that he does desire her, it is for love.

This is where that emotional attraction I keep pointing out comes into play. Once again, when Armando is fully charged on emotion with Betty he is ready to go.

"Just because I love you." He is fully concentrated in every word Betty is saying and the meaning of it and the fact that under deceit he has gotten Betty(We know she's loved him since before but he doesn't) to fall in love with him makes him angry at himself(he clenches his jaw showing anger or frustration.).

But how are we so sure Armando is being honest in this scene with Betty?

For one Armando can't bare to make eye contact with Betty when he's lying to her or feeling guilty. When he is being manipulative his voice sound distant from emotion, rehearsed, unnatural, and cocky. This time it isn't like that at all. He stares, makes eye contact and his voice is sweet, tender one could say, full of emotion, natural, and desperate to comfort her.

So in conclusion this night is very meaningful for the both of them. For Betty this is the first time since Miguel that she is giving all of herself despite her trauma. It is the first time she is trusting somebody else and welcoming them into her intimate space. However for Armando this night is also very meaningful because it's the first time that someone respects his boundaries and doesn't demand for excuses or reasons. Its the first time someone apologizes to him for crossing the line, the first time someone considers him in the relationship, add that to the fact that he was already deeply moved and affected by the way Betty is treated and how it makes her feel and you've got yourself a man that for the first time ever is in love and he isn't only going in for the mechanics of it all but to make Betty feel his love, to give himself to her, to show to her that she is important, she is desirable, she is his love.

However when all is said and done, Armando is left confused with everything because an otherwise emotionally "controlled" man who has been denying and ignoring his feelings towards Betty has finally let his guard down and he has crashed into the abyss of his feelings that finally came to light.

Was Armando in love before? No.

Up until this night Armando wasn't in love but in the heat of the moment with emotions riled up inside of him, he fell in love.

How do we know he didn't lie or manipulate Betty?

Because when we finally see their scene after they fornicated(I am really immature and that makes me laugh) Armando is sleeping like nothing, homie fell asleep like he just had the best time of his life and was ready to hit the hay but we've been told that Armando hasn't been sleeping and shown scenes of him tossing in bed but this time he is sound asleep.

Now, again, this is the first time that both his physical and emotional needs were met at the same time so of course it's an important night.

Betty is left more in love than ever, more enamored, hallucinated than before and when she exits the bathroom we see a cold man who at seeing Betty softens.

Homegirl gave mans a five star rating in her yelp review.

When she hugs him he looks confused but also savoring the moment.

As they walk towards the reception desk Armando no longer looks stressed out. In fact he walks with Betty at her pace, holding her hand and checks out without whispering and behaving casual and normal.

When they're in his car and she leans her head on his shoulder, he asks what she's doing and she says "I want to keep dreaming." and he looks pained by this because Armando has had conversations with himself about his feelings and the ending of their relationship because he knows he will never end his relationship with Marcela.

Finally the drop off scene.

While Betty is asleep on his shoulder, Armando stares at her sleeping and gently wakes her up.

"Thank you so much for everything. It was the best birthday of my life." She smiles at him.

He swallows his guilt and tells Betty that she has no idea how happy that makes him.

"Beyond the best birthday of my life, it's been the best night of my life and though I know this is just another night, that you've had other nights with so many women(girl nice way of calling him a whore, I approve) -"

"No." He states. "No. this night was very special, very, very special."

"Of course." Betty picks up her head. "Because you've never been with a woman like me." She laughs but Armando stares are her serious.

"No Betty, No. This night was very special and you won't ever imagine how special it was. See, lets talk tomorrow, alright?" He smiles at her. Betty's demeanor shows us that she believes what he said to her.

"And will you go to Ms. Marcela's apartment now?"

"No." He says quickly. "No. I'm going to stay at my apartment." Betty nods slightly and moves to exit his car when he stops her. "Betty see I need to ask you a question, I don't know, I've got stuck inside of me, and it's best that I ask it now."

"Ask me." She nods.

"What happened tonight, what we did you and I...truth be told...I-I always thought that it be your first time ever. I would have never thought that you'd made love in the past."

Betty swallows hard and asks him: "and does that affect you? Does it change your image of me? Sir, will you stop loving me?"

"No, no, no. It was imply curiosity, Betty. Beatriz, who were you with before[me]?" Betty looks away from him and swallows hard. "There was another man in your life, right?" he seems a bit jealous here. Betty nods.

"Yes, Sir...there was someone...I had a relationship before[you]."

"Nicolas Mora?" he asks mad.

"No." He looks away, relieved. "another person but I don't like talking about that."

"No I don't want to make you uncomfortable either so lets no talk about it anymore. You know.. go in and rest a bit. We'll see each other at the office, alright?" Betty nods and they both lean in for a goodnight kiss.

Armando asks himself what he did as Betty walks across his car to get to her house and he watches her until she enters her house and turns on his car to leave. Unlike before that he turned on his car as Betty walked to the door and drove off as she entered her house, this time he waits for her to go in to turn on his car and this small details is so important!

It is currently 10 am where I'm at and I have been writing this post since 11 pm last night so forgive me for my typos, which I'm sure there is more than the usual but by this point it's my signature.

'Til next time! :)

[EDIT:

I just wanted to also point out how relaxed Armando is when he shows up to his apartment that he starts to play with his dog(yet another victim of this show WHY DON'T WE GET MORE DOG SCENES, WHAT HAPPENS TO HIS DOG?) and for a brief moment is deep in thought while we hear Betty's monologue, as if they're sharing the same thoughts.

Then Armando walks into his room and his actual girlfriend is waiting for him, he rolls eyes and this is the first time that not even her seggsual manipulation works on him.

Marcela asks the same questions Betty asked him "Does it bother you? Does it make you uncomfortable?" but unlike Betty who was truly concerned for him, Marcela does it to control him.

They argued but by the end of it when Armando tells her he is perfectly fine and just wants to wash up and go to bed Marcela goes to kiss him, telling him that she wants him(and unlike when Betty said this, that he told her he did too, this time Armando doesn't even interact with Marcela) but unlike before, when he'd at least give in a little, well at least to the degree that Marcela thought it was okay for her to continue, this time Armando just stares at her with a serious face.

"What's wrong with you? What? You don't want to be with me? Want me to leave?" She asks angrily. Armando once more, with a dead serious expression tells her:

"I'm tired." He says and purses his lips while he stares at her.

"That's never been an impediment in the past."

"Well tonight it is." He says.

He tells her not to worry, that tomorrow will be another day and the last part sounds like he is telling that to himself. As well his rejection to her is not only because he made love to Betty, with Betty, but because he also told her that that night he wasn't going to be with Marcela, in other words, he wasn't going to get rid of her trace.

I do feel bad for Marcela in this scene but not enough.

Okay I'm sleepy bye. ]

#armando mendoza #don armando #armando ysblf #beatriz pinzon solano #betty pinzón solano #beatriz pinzón solano #betty #yo soy betty la fea #betty ysblf #betty la fea

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Charmed 03 x 13 SPOILER REVIEW!!!!

GENERAL THOUGHTS

Okay it's Saturday, but that episode felt like too much emotionally. They better not make this a Kat moment with Jordan and not bring my man back because I will riot. Overall this was an emotionally heavy episode entertainment wise it was a solid 8/10. But overall kind of frustrating for me for a number of reasons which I will go into in my dislikes section.

DISLIKES

1) Stop Torturing Black Male Characters!!! Also they really had Jordan pull a Galvin.

Now, just as I did with Galvin season 1. I take issue with the whole leaving right when the gal is the most emotionally attached. It’s really cruel of the writers. With both Jordan and Galvin, I can see how the events they went through would have them needing a moment. I do. Unlike with Galvin, I feel it was totally unwarranted with Jordan. I mean to say that Galvin up until the event that caused his trauma, hadn’t really been that involved in the magical world or faced anything that scary. So I can totally see how what happened caused a break without putting him through the wringer continually. I just feel that this event shouldn’t be the breaking point. What I mean by that is that the writers shouldn’t have done it. Not that Jordan shouldn’t have felt the way he did. I would have preferred him taking a break before having to deal with the tomb. In some ways, this felt like a Detective Morris moment (Torture the mortal black man until he breaks and can’t take it) more than it did with Galvin and I always hated how the writers treated Darryl. I think its because of the fact Jordan has been thrown into one crisis to another (my man has almost died multiple times) continually. I love Jordan and because we’ve seen him so much outside of a romance arch (unlike Galvin) I’ve grown attached and I hate to see him so beaten down that he has to leave. I think he would have been valid and in character for him to need time for himself before the tomb. I don’t think they should have put him through it to send him away. Well I have hope he will be back soon so I am not going to fret, but I can still say my piece over the unnecessary torture of POC characters. 

Though if they replace Jordan screen time with Antonio screen time I will freak out because that would be wrong y’all. I’m not talking about shipping wise! It would just be a real misstep if they “replace” screen time devoted to a black man to a light skinned Latino. Colorism is real y’all and I get enough of it in my novelas, don’t need it in Charmed anymore than it has appeared in the past.

2) Are we done with showing Abby’s abuse now?

If there is one thing I hate it is showing abuse on screen. I hate seeing it, I find it triggering as someone whose sibling was thrown in the trunk of a car while the adults laughed. I don’t think abuse justifies Abby’s actions either, in that showing how she was abused doesn’t make me dislike her past actions any less. Nothing will change my mind on those. Same with hearing Abby’s good intentions behind her good deeds. 

Listen, I don’t think Abby is all bad. But villainous actions are still villainous. She has done some good and it wasn’t all selfish, but that doesn’t mean the heinous stuff she did was any less heinous. Whatever the writers choose to do with Abby, as long as they have her put the work into redeeming herself, then I’m cool. they seem to want to do that with her and have started her on that journey. So we shall see if they pull it off. 

3) They really giving the Bisexual the unrequited love twice over

This show isn’t good to the LBGTQ+ community like it likes to make itself out to be. I don’t think Abby’s interest in Mel is a threat to the Ruby x Mel thing since last episode they seemed to seal Mel and Ruby as a solid couple at least for now. But I don’t think we need competing queer ships. I felt the mess that was melko versus jada x mel, was unnecessary and I don’t want to see a repeat. At the same time I think it is awful to sort of give the bisexual character the crappiest luck when it comes to being rejected twice. Technically, Mel hasn’t outright rejected her, but not bringing it up is like the nice way of rejecting her and letting her keep some sense of dignity after having her secrets violated.

4) This episode was really the Abby show in a lot of ways.

While there were interesting developments and reveals (by which I mean obvious, but welcomed ones), this episode was basically for the Abby lovers and in a way the Abby haters to convince them that they are wrong about her. And I just didn’t need it. I don’t think Abby haters will ever not hate her and I think dedicating an entire episode to defending her only fuels them further. I think they should have further explored Abby’s past and issues in small doses spread out through this season. I don’t want to be told she is redeemable, I want to come to that conclusion on my own by watching her behavior.  I think the show always messes up when it comes to developing concepts over time. Abby has been a series of missteps from the writers in my opinion, but I think with this episode they are trying to come back from those, but I think it wasn’t done as well as it could have been and the way they did it may only further the whole Abby hate train, not take away from it. 

LIKES

1) We finally doing the whole Perfecti are the big bads

You all know that my biggest issue with Charmed in it’s previous seasons is always the bait and switch with villans. I hope, since we are 13 episodes in and it has been pretty obvious that the Perfecti are going to be a big problem, that the rest of the season will be dedicated to taking them down and dealing with any trouble they cause. technically they haven’t been around long, but I hope that the writers focus down on this now and we don’t get anymore bait and switches saved for the last two episodes. I like these guys as the bad guys it’s a classic storyline and I am not against the classics. 

2) Teaser for more Celeste

Now I know lots of people felt like she would be the big bad and all elders are scum kinda of stuff. And I mean there is still time and we may get baited and switched again this season. But I actually like Celeste. I didn’t at first because I generally don’t trust older white females who ignore consent because their intentions are good. But I like having a remnant of elder knowledge around. I thought she was dead, because the last time we saw her Mel suggested that by taking the time thing she would start to age rapidly. But whatever! I choose to ignore it if the writers are choosing to ignore it. 

I still don’t feel that Harry’s need to be mortal is pressing. It should take a backseat to the bigger issues at hand in my opinion, but I won’t say no to seeing what knowledge Celeste has having been the one to create Whitelighters. 

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

Perfecti think Abby is chaoatic and think Jordan is guilty by association

Abby accepting her fate and just saying well sucks for Jordan

Macy’s “ If she wants hostile...”

“Even in a tomb built before the dawn of time a black man still gets imprisoned for something he didn’t do”

Abby’s feelings for Mel confirmed in a violation of her privacy via truth serum

Abby’s mother’s testimony

Abby saying she will give Macy’s powers back

Jordan leaving to recuperate his mental health 

#charmed cw #Charmed #charmed 2018 #charmed reboot #cw charmed #mel vera #Maggie Vera #macy vaugn #abigael caine #jordan chase

[alyssaiswriting]

Dead Man (2)

Warning: drugs, mention of rape, forcibly vomiting

Summary: you’re forced to do something that might cost you your life.

Word Count: 3502

Zabdiel pulls into the parking lot of a grocery store making you frown, turning to look at him, "what are we doing here?" You question

Zabdiel removes the keys from the ignition, "you need a fake ID so you can get back into the states from Mexico" he says.

"Zabdiel I just want to go home" you look over at him, Zabdiel looks away from your eyes "You know you can't" his face is emotionless as he looks out the window behind you.

"Zabdiel I can't do this, I-" Zabdiel cuts you off "you don't have a choice y/n" his words are sharp, his eyes finally meet yours and his face softens "you can't go to your family without them and us suffering the consequences" and then that he unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the car.

When Zabdiel gets to the front of the car and realizes you haven't even unbuckled your seatbelt, he gestures for you to hurry up. You hesitate for a few seconds before unbuckling yourself and climbing out of the car following Zabdiel around the building of the grocery store. Tears have formed in you're eyes but you're so tired of crying so roughly wipe them away.

Zabdiel knocks on the back door of the building and your heart races as you two wait silently before the door swings open to reveal a boy just a little younger then Zabdiel. He has dark skin with dark curly hair, he looks like he just rolled out of bed, still in his pajamas.

"It's 4 am" he glares at Zabdiel before turning away leaving Zabdiel and you to let yourselves in, "it's an emergency," Zabdiel says shutting the door behind you. "I know Julio threatened to kill my dog if I didn't get here" Julio sits at a computer.

Your eyebrows are furrowed as Zabdiel turns to look at you "he really loves his dog" Zabdiel thinks that's the part that's bothering you.

"You, sit there" The guy gestures for you to take a seat in front of a blue background. You walk slowly to the chair seating down nervously.

"Ok first what name am I putting" you keep your mouth quiet already knowing Zabdiel has it all figured out it. " Natalie Garcia" you scrunch your eyebrows at the name but the guy types away on the computer. "Date of birth?" Zabdiel then pulls out his phone "9/20/98"

"Address?" Zabdiel doesn't miss a beat "1307 east Jr Road"

The guy asks for my height and eye color before he stands from his seat walking over to the camera.

"Uh she might wanna wipe-" he gestures over his face looking at Zabdiel. Zabdiel nod looking around the area and finding a napkin. He rushes over to you and starts wiping under your eyes to try and rid your face of smeared mascara.

He steps back when he's done, nodding. "Ok Natalie look at the camera for me," the guys says before taking your picture the flash momentarily blinding you.

"Ok, this will take a while" the guy looks at Zabdiel who nods in acknowledgment. You stay seated as Zabdiel leans up against a wall. The room is quiet and you're forced to allow your thoughts to take over. The one that constantly keeps coming up is what is mom doing? She's probably worried sick and that thought alone causes your heart to sink yet again.

You don't want her to worry, no matter how much danger you're in, but the fact that she doesn't know anything is probably what's driving her crazy and that worries you.

"Zabdiel" you look to the man you use to call your best friend. He looks to you expectedly. You stand from your seat. "Can we talk outside please?" You're fiddling with your fingers, Zabdiel's eyes look to your fingers before nodding, leading the way outside.

"Look I know I can't go back home but please I just need to borrow your phone" Zabdiel squints at you "why?" He questions

"I need to call my mom" his face falls at your words "no" he shakes his head making you frown "please Zabdiel I just have to let her know I'm ok" you step closer to him "please she's probably worried sick"

"She can't know y/n" Zabdiel says sternly, "I won't tell her anything" you cry out "I just need her to know I'm alive" you're breathing has elevated as you stare at him with pleading eyes "you know how she gets Zabdiel she just needs to know I'm alive" you repeat, Zabdiel turns away from you making your heart drop but when he doesn't move towards the door a bit of hope comes back to you.

For what feels like minutes but isn't more than 15 seconds he turns back to you taking out his phone. "Don't tell her anything" he hands the phone to you. You quickly take the device from him and with shaky fingers dial your mom's number.

The phone rings a few times before it's answered with a simple and quick "hello" you release the breath you didn't know you were holding, happy to hear your mom's voice "mama" you say.

"Y/n" she nearly shouts relief evident "where are you?!"

You look up at Zabdiel "that's not important Ma, I'm just calling to let you know I'm fine, but I won't be going back home any time soon" you say as tears blur your vision, you look to the floor.

"What do you mean you're not coming home? Where are you? Are you ok?" She asks.

"I'll be fine, Mom, I love you" you too wipe away the tears that escaped your eyes still not looking up from the ground. "Y/N please come home" your mom begs on the other end of the line and it takes everything in you to not just fall to your knees and sob.

"I can't" you cry out. "Why not? Tell me why" she begs. You shake your head though she can't see you.

Even if you did tell your mom that you've been kidnapped by some drug gang there's nothing she would be able to do, not even the police have been able to take down the number of gangs around the city, all it would do is worry her more then she already is.

"I can't ama" you look up at Zabdiel who's already looking at you with a look that allows you to understand how bad he feels about you being in this mess.

You turn away from him biting your lip before you say "I have to go now"

"Y/n no"

"I love you"

You can hear her still protesting as you pull the phone away from your ear and hang up without thinking too much about it.

You turn to Zabdiel giving him his phone and walking back inside without another word.

———————-

You're looking down at your ID when you're back in the car. Zabdiel has yet to start the car instead you both sit in silence, that is until he breaks it "when we get to Mexico I'm going to ask you to do something and I need you to promise you're not gonna make a scene, these men don't mess around, they will kill you if you so much as look at them funny" you feel his eyes on you now and you look over at him.

"What am I gonna have to do" You question your heart accelerating once again.

"Just promise me y/n doing this is better then what Julio wanted you to do so please" his eyes are begging and you feel compelled to nod so you do.

—————-

You and Zabdiel made it safely across the border without any suspicion and though you were tempted to scream for help the smarter part of you remembers Yashua's words and you weren't about to risk the life of your family.

It's the early hours of the morning with the sun just peaking through the sky. You'd collected your tangled hair in a bun with a rubber band you'd found on the floor of the car. When Zabdiel stopped at a gas station he'd bought you some wipes so you could clean your face of greasy makeup and mascara streaks.

You and Zabdiel haven't spoken a word to each other since crossing the border, that is until Zabdiel informs you that you can't eat anything but he's planning to stop to get something. You're confused as too why you can't eat but you don't ask.

The restaurant is still pretty empty due to it not even being 7 yet. Zabdiel eats his food calmly and quietly and you try not to glare at him too much.

"How can you be eating?" You blurt out.

"Well I'm hungry and it's pretty easy you just put the food in your mouth and che-" you cut him off. "And you still got jokes" you scoff rolling your eyes looking away from him.

Zabdiel sighs putting down his fork. "Y/n I don't think you understand that this is my life now" you scrunch your eyebrows "I do this kind of stuff at least 3 times a month. If I didn't eat because I'm feeling guilty or scared then I would've starved to death in the beginning"

You don't reply instead settling for looking around the restaurant spotting different pictures along the walls before your eyes settle on the tv across the restaurant that is playing some novela.

————-

When Zabdiel parks in front of a meat market your stomach drops and you sneak a glance at him as he starts turning in his seat to face you. "Look at me y/n" you hesitate but do as you're told, turning slightly in your seat to look at him.

"You have to do this. You don't have a choice." He makes sure you're looking into his eyes "this is the only way that you stay away from being raped and from your family getting hurt. Do you understand" tears have formed in your eyes yet again but you nod nevertheless.

Zabdiel gives you a sympathetic look before getting out of the car. You wait for him as he goes to the trunk grabbing a black duffle bag. Then you follow his lead, walking behind him up to the entrance of the market. Zabdiel nods at a man inside through the glass window and the man walks over to the door unlocking it and letting you both in.

"Jose here?" Zabdiel asks the man nods and gestures to a door behind the register counter. Zabdiel nods and leads the way over to the door. walking in your met with the butchering area, there are different parts of animals waiting to be cut up and you have to look away from the sight of the bloody table and knives. Zabdiel leads you further in past the freezer and when he opens another door leading you down to a basement.

you can hear mutters of other males, "Jose" Zabdiel calls out when he reaches the last step to capture one of the men's attention. a man in his mid 30's turns around and a smile immediately forms on his face. "Zabdi," he says it in a teasing matter and judging on the way zabdiel's body tenses you know he isn't exactly fond of this man.

"on time like always" you don't like the smile he gives Zabdiel but Zabdiel only nods, before Jose turns his attention to you.

"and who's this?" he tries to sidestep Zabdiel to get to you but Zabdiel blocks you from his view "no one" his voice is stern and sounds nothing like the voice he used when talking you just 10 minutes ago.

you can't see the stare down going on between Zabdiel andJosee, but it is cut short when Jose lets out a laugh confusing you but Zabdiel remains unphased keeping that same glare he's had since he entered the building.

"alright" Jose backs down raising his hands in mock surrender. he leads you and Zabdiel over to a table him where another man is standing.

"this is Giovanni" Jose introduces you guys to the other man in the room. giovanni smiles, giving off a way better vibe then Jose did.

Zabdiel places the duffle bag on the table.

"all the pills are packaged and ready to go," Giovanni says handing a ziplock bag to Zabdiel, you catch a glimpse of the tinnier bags within it.

"you got it from here gio? I gotta go to sleep before I black out" Jose asks Giovanni who responds only with a nod. you watch as Jose walks up the stairs of the basement taking the last of his beer with him.

Zabdiel is busy checking out the little packets that are about the size of a quarter but thicker to acknowledge Jose leaving.

"ok has she done this before?" Giovanni asks Zabdiel making you frown. Your already pounding heart starting to accelerate.

" no, she's new" Zabdiel tells him "and you?"Giovanni questions.

"a few times" Zabdiel nods "and how many survived?" Gio raises an eyebrow, Zabdiel takes a little longer to respond this time "2" he says.

Giovanni then turns to you, "let's hope you're number 3" then he turns walking over to a fridge that's across the room.

"what is he talking about?" you walk closer to stand beside Zabdiel. "you have to swallow these" he turns to face you holding up the little packet.

"what?" your chest tightens. "they won't dissolve right away we just have to get them across," he tells you.

"all of them?" you look down at the many tiny packets, "yes," he says

"how many are there?" you cry out.

"21," he says making you nearly burst out in tears. "Z I cant" you look up at him with pleading eyes.

Zabdiel looks over to Giovanni who is now holding a beer taking a sip as he watches you two curiously. Zabdiel steps closer to you lowering his voice so Giovanni can't hear him.

"You have too, this is the only way that you and your family will be ok" he's still holding the little packet and your eyes shift between his eyes and back to the packet.

Hesitantly you grab the pack from him "you just have to swallow it" Giovanni walks over handing you a bottled water.

you look back at Zabdiel who nods at you encouragingly "you'll be fine" he reassures you, you swallow a lump in your throat "just try to open up your throat" he tells you.

you nod opening your mouth and placing the packet as far back as you can before taking a swing of water swallowing the first packet successfully. It was a little bit difficult due to the packet being bigger than anything you've ever swallowed.

"come, y/n you got this" Zabdiel hands you another packet and you repeat what you'd done before. the process continues up until you only have 3 more packets left.

tears fall from your eyes without your knowledge but no one points it out either. Giovanni walks over to the bag and starts taking money out of the bag Zabdiel brought.

"ok 2 more" you swallow grabbing another packet your throat is sore from swallow something so wide but you power through just wanting to get this over with.

you quickly swallow the last packet and Zabdiel nods at you.

"ok we have to go we have like 20 to 30 minutes till they dissolve," he tells you before looking to Giovanni.

"we good" Giovanni looks up from the bag.

"yeah man, i'd hurry if i was you" he gestures towards you, and with that Zabdiel is rushing you back up the stairs, out of the meat market and back to the car.

as soon as he shuts his door he starting the car and pulling out of the parking space, he starts speeding down the street making you turn to look at him. he's very focused on the road, his lips pursed and his eyebrows furrowed.

A couple of minutes later he pulls up into the line to cross back into Texas you take notice of the constant tapping of his hand on his thigh, this only intensifies your anxiety.

Zabdiel keeps checking the time, your palms are sweaty and no matter how many times you rub them against your jeans they remain wet. you're looking around at the other cars nervously and adjust your seatbelt for the hundredth time.

Zabdiel looks over at you reaching out he squeezes your shaking hand that is resting on your thigh, you look over at him and he's giving you a reassuring smile even though the sight of his smile does help to calm your nerves you know he's just as anxious as you so you pull your hand away and look away from him.

when you finally pull up to the checkpoint your eyes catch the sight of the sniffer dog walking from the car in front you to yours, "identification" the border patrol officer leans down to the window, your eyes drift away from the dog to the eyes of the officer.

As Zabdiel hands him both your ID's the officer's eyes meet yours "everything ok miss?" He asks you.

You hesitate for half a second before nodding. The officer still looks suspicious so Zabdiel says "her grandpa just died that's actually why were in Mexico" the officer looks to Zabdiel before looking back to you. He turns away into his booth to scan the IDs.

Your heart pounds in your chest and though a part of you wishes that something would go wrong with the ID and you'll finally have an out of this mess but a bigger part of you hope everything goes smoothly for the sake of your family.

The officer nods before walking back over to us he hands Zabdiel both ID before looking at you "sorry for you lose" and with that, he gives Zabdiel permission to go ahead.

Zabdiel is speeding down the road his eyes switching between the road and the clock.

"We're not gonna make it" you look over at him with widened eyes "what do you mean?!" You shout.

"The nearest gas station is 10 minutes away. You need to get those things out now" he shouts back at you.

"Pull over! So I can throw up" You tell him.

"Someone might see y/n"

"Then what do I do?!"

"Hold on," he tells you before stepping on the gas speeding faster then he was before.

You grip onto the door and the middle console of the car. Your breathing at an uneven pace as your heart nearly pounds out of your chest.

Around 6 minutes later you see the sign of a gas station come into view, Zabdiel does a sharp turn into the parking look making you nearly hit your head on the window.

You both jump out of the car as soon as it's put in park. With Zabdiel hot on your trail, you run into the gas station only pausing at the entrance to look for the bathroom sign before you both run into the bathroom locking the door.

"Throw up in the sink," he tells you.

Leaning over the white sink you force two fingers down your throat, you feel your stomach contort before you feel the bile starting to rise up in your throat and before you know it out of your mouth.

You spy the little packets along the sink. "That's 5," Zabdiel says.

And you repeat the action throwing up 3 more, you continue doing this as Zabdiel starts rinsing the packets and reminding you of how many you've thrown up.

"We need 7 more" You wince as you force the fingers down your throat once again but can't seem to throw anything else up.

"Y/n come on" Zabdiel yells.

You throw up about 3 more before you're dry heaving. "Come 4 more!"

"I can't" You cry.

"You need to, they're starting to dissolve y/n throw them up!" He shouts.

You lean against the sink taking deep breaths before trying once again to force yourself to throw up but nothing comes out.

"Open your mouth" you look up to see Zabdiel taking the soap bottle out of the soap dispenser.

Hesitantly you open your mouth and Zabdiel pumps soap into your mouth before lifting your chin to close your mouth.

"Swallow" he demands and as soon as you do the bile is rising up once again.

Zabdiel goes back to rinsing "1 more" when you finally get out the last of the drugs you walk away from the sink leaning against the wall as you try to regulate your breathing.

Zabdiel rinses off the last one before collecting them in a paper bag he brought in his pocket.

When he counts them he turns to you nodding.

"You did good," he tells you

with a scoff, you walk out of the bathroom leaving Zabdiel behind.

#cnco #cnco imagine #zabdiel de jesus #zabdiel de jesus imagine #Alyssa’s Dead Man

[fandomshatepeopleofcolor]

On the topic of Latin America, my mom was raised in Argentina and she says racism is even worse there, back in the day she was insulted bc of colourism and she isn't even dark skinned. Descendants of natives have a hard time when it comes to representation even nowadays, she told me

Your mom is right. All you see on tv is blue-eyed white people. I can't name even one (1) non-white popular actor.

I have light skin and I'm pretty whitepassing (at least here) so I don't really suffer from any colorism, but my own mom, who has brown skin (not even really dark, around the same color as rosario dawson) always has to pay attention to the way she's dressed or how her hair looks etc bc she's really self-conscious bc of the way brown people are perceived. Like, it's not that you'll walk down the street and someone will start calling you slurs, but it'd be a different story if there was any type of confrontation. It's even worse in some provinces (like i lived for a while in a town in santa fe, and there was no problem while the staff thought i was white bc they knew me and my white dad, but when they met my mom they basically started ignoring me and Literally Lowered My Grades - when i was in 4th grade), and while there are anti-discrimination laws in place, i don't think they are really enforced.

I thiiink there might be something going on though because lately I've started to notice that some commercials have some poc (like a brown girl with vitiligo in an add for st like soap, or a black girl in a shampoo add, or a brown guy in a deodorant add, etc) but barely anything, and la novela de la noche is still white as fuck ft the same faces ive been seeing for the last 21 years. As for films, franchella, darín and suar seem to be the only people capable of acting in the country (though they'll make sure to always add some naked 20-something y/o girl as their ~romantic interest~ other than their wives). ~mod ara

#also worse than where do you mean? #fhpoc asks #argentina

[prodweek]

Production Weekly – Issue 1134 – Thursday, March 7, 2019 / 184 Listings – 41 Pages A MAZING WINTER ROMANCE • ADAM & EVE • AFTER YANG (aka SAYING GOODBYE TO YANG) • ANTEBELLUM • ARMY OF THE DEAD • THE ATLANTIC CITY STORY • AURORA TEAGARDEN MYSTERIES: A VERY FOUL PLAY • THE BABY-SITTERS CLUB • BAD RECALL • THE BAKER AND THE BEAUTY • THE BALLAD OF AUDREY EARNSHAW • BARB AND STAR GO TO VISTA DEL MAR • BEK • BILL & TED FACE THE MUSIC • BLACK MEADOWS • BLACK WIDOW (w/t BLUE BAYOU) • BROTHERS • BURDEN OF TRUTH 03 • CALIFORNIA LOVE • CALL THE MIDWIFE 09 • CANDYMAN • CAROL’S SECOND ACT • CHESAPEAKE SHORES 04 • CHRISTMAS IN PARIS • COLD FEET AT CHRISTMAS • COME CLOSER • THE CONJURING 3 • THE COYOTE • CUTMAN • DA 5 BLOODS • DARE ME • DARWIN IN MALIBU • DEPUTY • DEVIL'S BARGAIN • DOGTOWN • DREAM CORP LLC 03 • EMILY THE CRIMINAL • ENDEAVOUR 07 • THE ETERNALS • EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE • EVIL • THE FALLS • FALSE POSITIVE • FLAG DAY • FLASHPOINT (aka THE FLASH) • FREE GUY • GHOSTBUSTERS (w/t RUST CITY) • GLASS HOUSES • THE GOD COMMITTEE • GOLD LINE • GONE HOLLYWOOD • GREEN KNIGHT • THE HALF OF IT • HANDS THAT BIND • HAPPY LITTLE TREES • THE HARDER THEY FALL (aka NOTORIOUS NINE) • HARDY BOYS • HIGH FIDELITY • HOLIDATE • HOLIDAY RUSH • HUNGRY SAINTS • THE HUSBAND • I CARE A LOT • I’M THINKING OF ENDING THINGS • THE INVISIBLE MAN • IRRESISTIBLE • JANE THE NOVELA: THE WOMAN WHO ROSE FROM THE DEAD • KIDDING 02 • KNIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS • LET HIM GO • LET’S SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER • LIFE IN MOTION: AN UNLIKELY BALLERINA • LIFE UNDERCOVER • LIGHT AS A FEATHER 02 • LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE • LITTLE AMERICA (w/t DREAM) • LITTLE AMERICA (w/t POLAR LANDING) • LITTLE FIRES EVERYWHERE • LITTLE FISH • LITTLE VOICE (w/t STARLING) • THE LOST BOYS • M3GAN • MAD ABOUT YOU 08 • MADE FOR LOVE • MANHUNT: LONE WOLF 02 • THE MANY SAINTS OF NEWARK (aka NEWARK) • MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE • MAYANS MC 02 • MOTHERLAND: FORT SALEM • MRS.

#Cast #Casting #Crew Call #Director #Film #Filming #Line Producer #Location #Movie #Pilot #Preproduction #Producer #Production Office #Screenplay #Script #Season #Series #Shooting #Start Date #Television #TV #UPM #Writer