#the holiday season fucking sucks

[talentforlying]

every late november i am cursed with the knowledge that constantine hasn't done any sort of formal or informal holiday gathering since his sister died, and flat-out avoids people as soon as december starts so no one will invite him to anything bc he knows his seasonally bad mood will haunt whatever room he walks into. basically i'm saying this is your chance to ambush him while it's still november and harangue him into agreeing to attend your non-denominational ugly sweater parties or split a bottle of wine before he's cognizant enough to weasel out of it.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #seasonal depression but make it ✨trauma✨ #he actually becomes the Worst Person around the winter holidays and yeah. part of it is because he's a cynical dick #but also christmas with his father fucking Sucked & reclaiming that time as an adult with cheryl was indescribably precious to him #when he lost her and his niece refused to have anything to do with him afterwards he just. gave up #constantine staring longingly into people's windows like the guy from it's a wonderful life: nah i don't do christmas. not my thing #but really he is just lonely and a loser and secretly kind of a champion gift-giver so let him in please #blanket warning that if you get him to observe hanukkah with you he Will weight the dreidel and take all your fucking gelt #he has also been known to fuck off to ireland last minute and wander around pagan festivals so u know. options are open #( headcanons. ) I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE. #yes i've been emo about him every time i've had the chance to log on today. what about it

[0809sysblings]

it is always a little funny to me when people try to make psychologists and psychiatrists out to be the only people ever capable of being able to accurately diagnose mental illnesses and disorders and that their word is law as a way to criticize self diagnosis when like. once i was hospitalized and the psychiatrist there who i had not even known for more than a day tried to diagnose me as bipolar despite me having No history of mania because he.. couldn't really understand why i acted the way i did i guess???

#milgran't #tw hospital #tw psych ward #i just randomly remembered this (i say randomly as if i dont know exactly why im thinking about this stuff). dont mind me #tbh i should make a tag for like. more personal posts. but. idk what to make the tag name.. #oh well #apologies for not being cool and collected and expressing things that show that im a human with emotions and needs recently #The Holidays are probably. one of the worst times of the year for me </3 #its not even seasonal depression or whatever its just Oh Jesus Oh Fuck Oh God (gets hit by 99999 trauma bullets) #that psychiatrist sucked SOOOO fucking bad btw #trying to prematurely diagnose me as bipolar was one of the tamest things he did during my stay #i hate him i genuinely hope he dies <3 #tbh i think he actually did. Break The Law with me. he probably couldve argued it was for the safety of others bc im crazy :3. but. #sometimes i just Remember That and im like. huh. hey what the fuck actually #but seriously. so many mental health professionals just make you sit there and go. .. how the FUCK did you get your license?????? #ive heard some of The Most ''oh only people who are completely ignorant about mental health say this!'' type of shit from professionals #idk why im the one being labelled as insane when they think saying some of that shit is okay and professional MFKDLSFMDSf

[catherinekal]

A customer yelled at me today for being on my phone. I was waking out of the backroom to go pee as one does, the unisex bathrooms all the way on the other end of the store. Had my phone out waking there.

I leave checking my phone and he comes up and I was confused. Thought he was asking for help but suddenly gets in my face and goes on about how he can't check his phone as he's driving for his job and just what the fuck. He gets in my face and just bitches to me. I just walked away.

Turns out though, he was the kilt guy! The guy I saw weeks ago wearing a kilt. Apparently he's a known asshole and now I see why. He had a Santa hat on to but certainly not a jolly guy.

Remember to treat retail workers right and if you're going to wear a kilt in winter, don't ruin it by being a piece of shit.

#retail #holiday season sucks in retail #customers be shitty #remember to text at work because youre not going paid enough so fuck the rules

[twinksintrees]

i’m so fucking angry about so many things

#people are fucking stupid and i don’t like the holiday season #i don’t want to see people who fucking suck and don’t care about me or my family any other time of the year #we’re not friends we’re not on good terms why do we have to put up with this shit just because we’re ‘family’ #you’re a fucking dick leave me and my moms alone #ramblings of a henry

[laesas]

.

#Goddd January is such a fucking MONTH #the holidays have overwhelmed me and the seasonal depression has overwhelmed me and I have social burnout on top of the regular burnout #like with all the love in my heart I miss all of you very much #but i am getting GOT by all of the status conditions #I have about 4 communication slots available per day and I pretty much run out before I get online 😭 #sorry for popping up in random conversations once every 3 days and then disappearinggggg #I am doing my best and it is so sucks right now but hopefully it will be less sucks real soon #love u all 🥺 #sorry sorry!!

[awsteb]

it's such a beautiful sunny day but i'm not laying in the grass with my buddies what gives

#transmission📻 #for every one of the 19 springs i've experienced i've relearned how to feel alive each time #i've never met an australian whose favourite season is winter you wanna know why. because it fucking sucks. i'd rather be sweating buckets #it's just soggy and cold. no snow or fun holidays like christmas. just soggy.

[yaoiconnoisseur]

I’m feeling deeply unhappy with everything and I’m unsure if it’s due to stress or if it’s the depression

#or maybe it’s a mixture of both #:/ #this has probably been the shittiest holiday season ive had in a long time #definitely not the worst. but no where close to one of the best #i just want to curl up and disappear for a while #im so tired of dealing with my partner’s mom and sister #theyre so high strung. i cant deal with it #not with everything else going on #and now i have news that my mom’s husband is having really bad medical issues to the point where #they’re discussing what happens if he dies #and im like. idk. half numb to it half super upset #i like him ig but it’s more i like him because he makes my mom happy #im mostly just upset with the idea of my mom being widowed twice #i probably need therapy for how i feel towards him since 90% of it is ‘keep him at arms length so i dont get attached to #and lose another father figure that my mom is with’ #what sucks is if he does die i’ll have to do that whole funeral without my partner since he cant travel due to recovering from his own sur #gery #god. fuck. can i catch a goddamn break? #anyway thanks for reading if you made it this far lol #i just needed a moment to vent #they speak

[illustriousdaydreamer]

Attending what a white person calls a "Pow-wow" when you belong specifically to a tribe that belongs to that terminology and your family were very much so banned from practicing your religion up until 1951'- the feeling of uncomfortibility and sickening anger one feels after that racially charged language.

From a white person who specifically doesn't believe you've faced discrimination is particularly hateful, and eggregious.

Can't believe I didn't say anything not a word b/c of some fucking holiday bullshit. I'm hurt and mean words wouldve made the racism go down and have them understand what was the issue is at its core, and its that you don't get to decide it's acceptable to use my traditions as cannon fodder for your shitty gathering of people just as racist as urself.

There was a big strong indigenous lady there and tonight ffs im crying as I type this bless them, they protected me from their bullshit antics they feel like they can get away with. But not when they were there, true feminist matriarchal figures don't fuck around. Hell we were all laughing about how badass they were telling some lady to fuck off 😤😢😓

#personal #indigenous #fuck the holiday season this shit sucks ass

[fellthemarvelous]

I hate the holidays so much. My depression is already bad, but the holiday season just amplifies it.

Thanksgiving 2020, my mom and I prepared a meal for me and her and my dad. We were still in the middle of COVID, she had been receiving chemo treatments since summer of that year, but she had stage 4 cancer so there was no cure. We laughed our way through preparations though because neither of us had actually ever cooked a turkey before.

I remember giving her a hug. We were talking about what we would do differently for Thanksgiving 2021 (like getting a Honey Baked Ham instead of a turkey), and then she told me she didn't think she would be around anymore by the time Thanksgiving rolled around again. I told her not to think like that. It was impossible for me to imagine a world without my mom in it.

A month later I had to take her to the ER because she was having trouble walking. She went into the hospital the day before Christmas Eve, and a month later I had to say goodbye to her. She never came home again.

My brother and sister flew out when she was admitted into the hospital, but it was still in the midst of COVID and we couldn't spend time with her. She was in triage for three days before they finally found a room for her in the ICU.

The cancer was in her lungs (she never smoked a day in her life), in her spine, and it was spreading like wildfire throughout her brain. There were two weeks where she was in the hospital and we didn't get to see her once because of how rampant COVID was (and the people who fucking refused to take the pandemic seriously).

They had to intubate her because she stopped breathing on her own, and then finally we learned that there was nothing else they could do for her, so she ended up in hospice.

Christmas and New Years was spent worrying about my mom and being upset because we couldn't sit with her in the hospital. My mom spent about two weeks in hospice after that, and I stayed with her as much as I possibly could.

She passed away on a night I was unable to stay, in the final days of January 2021. Exactly one month before my sister's birthday and just a little over a month before my 40th birthday. It never occurred to me that she wouldn't get to live long enough to see me reach 40.

My sister's kids didn't get to fly out to visit my mom because my sister, a single mom, wasn't able to afford plane tickets for all three of them. She couldn't even get the time off work to stay out here with us for a full 24 hours.

And now my sister's former mother-in-law has stage 4 cancer, so the kids are about to lose their only other grandmother to an aggressive form of cancer as well. It hasn't even been a week since we learned this information.

It was 19 degrees outside the day we had my mom's funeral, but this same woman stood next to me while we watched them lower my mom's casket into the ground, with her arms wrapped around me, to give me some small amount of comfort on one of the worst days of my life.

And she's been cursed with a fate just as cruel as my mom's.

I feel so small. I'm broke and jobless and feel like an entirely worthless human being because my depression and anxiety are so bad right now that I can't even function like a person is supposed to.

I'm months away from turning 43 and all I can think about is how much I really want my mom right now.

#personal #i'll probably delete this later #i'm a hot fucking mess right now and feeling so alone #tw: death #tw: depression #i just want to scream at the top of my lungs #i want to write but my brain won't allow it #i want to rp but i have no one to write with #the holiday season sucks #i'm tired of existing but i continue to do so anyway

[loverboybitch]

idk man idk!!!!!!!! having two jobs is so crazy one of them is like literally we hate you please die and then the other one rules and everyone is so nice to me all the time and makes me <3333. anyway guess which one pays me a livable wage lol.//.

#imjustsittinghere #uploads #refusing to be a negative nancy but holy shit i have been dealing with the most annoying situation in the fucking world at work #like i have to reply to an email but im literally dumbfounded th whole situation is so fucking dumb i cant believe it #anyway though love my little vintage store job #i work there four days a week now and its great : ) #even just like. in almost 6 years of my one job i never went to the christmas party cause ick even my boss was like yeah it sucks #went to store jobs christmas party last weekend got drunk and sang karaoke and i dont even feel that stupid about it lol #simply wish i could get paid like a good amount so i could just work there and not have to sweat about money #might do it anyway though other job making me so > : | #ok refusing to stew about it its christmas holiday season #going to my moms to bake cookies tomorrow <3 then im off saturday maybe ill have a nice little day n enjoy myself

[cameoutstruggling93]

Just call me a Grumpasaurus Rex. Instead of stomping around angry, I burst into rage tears unexpectedly and feel like my chest is going to explode.

#im in a mood #ive been in this mood for at least 24 hours #my face literally started leaking on my way home from a shitty target run #fucking $45 at target for 6 things. #SIX FUCKING THINGS #NSBDJDJDJDJDJDHDJDJHDKQKAHDGEIAOEGWVS #im so beyond frustrated with life rn #and just pissed off #and under payed #and feeling alone cause the human who supposedly “loves” me hasnt actually really talked to me in 2 days #and our plans got cancled A FUCKING GAIN #is it me? #am i just not interesting anymore? #maybe ill just die alone #cause fuck me right #and i hate my fucking job #it sucks the joy out of the holidays #and i hate seasonal affective disorder #and female hormones #am i pre-menstrating? #am i depressed because of my body or the darkness? #WHO FUCKING KNOWS #I SURE AS HELL DON'T

[kingtankgirl]

i know i say rhis constantly but wow i am so at my breaking point

#my grandma is about 2 die so my moms mental health is gonna tank so hard. which is already is #and i cant help her cuz i dont live there anymore but god this holiday season is going to fucking suck #my chronic pain is getting worse. ive been barely eating for the last month cuz i just have no interest in food basically at all #broke down sobbing yesterday because it hurt so bad just trying to put my laundry away cuz my job is tearing my body apart #idk. i thought i wld be able to quit in a month or two but now i cant. #i dont have a light at the end of the tunnel at this point. nothing makes me happy im always hungry and in pain and fucking sad <3 #so i guess ill just sit here and cry and then go work for 8 hrs and think abt kms the whole time like i do most days

[queeraak]

i must confess that fall is the worst season in my opinion and i don't know why people like it. everything bad about the world is represented in october - november

#seth.txt #1. the colors are dingy most of the month and aren't that great. worst shade of orange #2. sickness is increased as it is cold and flu season. when i get sick it's always fall or winter #3. seasonal depression increases as the days get shorter and shorter. why do you people like when it's dark at 5pm #4. the food is lame. people who love fall usually love the food or thanksgiving which is just mash potatoes and pumpkin which both suck ass #5. the holidays in winter at least make it worthwhile because christmas and new years are both objectively better aesthetically #6. halloween feels really superficial like no one truly celebrates it anymore on a widespread level. should be hyped up like christmas #7. idc what people say dealing with cold is way worse than dealing with heat if you have ac. i am always cold so colder = always bad #8. all plants dying is so ugly to look at and there are no little birds and animals around during the fall which makes the depression worse #i could think of reasons for hours i think i have explained my manifesto well enough for now #actually hold on adding another amendment. #9. having to wear long sleeves pants and socks indoors is torturous and disgusting to where battling the coldness is the lesser evil #10. the sky is always fucking grey for some reason fucker that isn't beautiful esp when it's not even raining #11. you can't go swimming or eat ice cream as easily. name any fall activity that remotely compares to swimming in the summer you're wrong

[fantabulisticity]

Had a good cry today. I needed that.

#the thing i was crying about was resolved thankfully #but i still cried for like 10 more minutes bc i am unable to just like. stop. when i'm already crying lol #like laughing. i can't just stop laughing or stop crying. i have to gradually slow down #i feel SO MUCH BETTER NOW #i've been needing to cry for so long and didn't really have the time so. this worked out. #of COURSE it happened during my moving week lmao. i fucking hate moving. it's so stressful. #and i didn't ask for time off this time bc it's holiday season #so like. i NEED to be at work. #i went from 13.5 hours last week to 31.5 hours this week. bc payroll sucks but they NEED me for the busy season. #i'm a fucking fast cashier. i know what i'm doing. and i know all the processes and stuff. #my boss know i'm leaving soon so he hired a bunch of new people (some for regular seasonal buffer and some... bc i am worth like 2 or 3... #...newbies lmaooooooooo #i've been here forever. people think i'm a manager lol. #anyways. gonna refill my work lotion and eat something and maybe play some animal crossing or maybe go to bed early. #personal #tmi

[im-just-that-gay]

Christmas has always kind of sucked for me.

In high school I realized I wasn't just sad I was depressed while we were decorating the Christmas tree. There was Christmas music. No one was fighting. Everyone was smiling and having a great time looking at old family ornaments. I had no reason to be unhappy in that moment, but I felt hollow and empty. It was a turning point for me.

A year later, around Christmas I hit the lowest point in my mental health. I was deep in self loathing and hopelessness. I resented decorating that tree. I resented that everyone was happy and I was dying little by little.

Another year later, I was with my first serious girlfriend. It was always a battle trying to see her with my homophobic family trying to force religious guilt down my throat. Around the holidays if I tried to spend time with her I was told I was abandoning my family. On Christmas day I was forced into a yearly tradition of going to a movie with family friends. One of the daughters in that family was the girl who outed me to my parents. Being around her was like swallowing broken glass and trying to breathe around the shards. My girlfriend came to see me that night because I was really on the edge. It lead to the one the biggest fights I've ever had with my mother.

A few years down the road and I've had a lot of success with treating my depression. I don't have a partner so there's nothing to fight about. I've reached a point of relative peace with my family and it's the first year in about a decade that we aren't doing a Christmas movie with those family friends.

We're decorating the tree tonight. As I type this my youngest brother is calling for me to come upstairs. I should be okay. But I'm frozen.

I'm still afraid to hang those ornaments.

I'm afraid of remembering those feelings. Of living them again.

I don't know how to do Christmas. I don't know how to exist right now.

#seasonal affective depression #christmas sucks #fuck christmas #happy holidays

[confinesofmy]

aw haha. :'( my cousin said something encouraging to me but it wasn't true and was a deep misunderstanding of the issue so i burst her bubble bc she needs to know how it really is and she nearly started crying at how dire my situation is. :'( hahaa i'm so sorry you get the emotions that i'll get maybe this time next year in real-time, i know that must be really hard. (not joking.) (truly sorry.) (smth wrong with me...)

#like for real her lip started quivering #this holiday season is going to hit my family like a fucking train #i've seen too many people on the edge of tears already this is going to suck so bad #i am. once again. not feeling very connected... to my endeavors... i'm all apart #etc etc #my shrink was right this is going to be a bad time and i am going to need more support than usual #i'm bad #i'm doing bad #adams year from hell