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#the jin ling protection squad
yiikingpatriarch · 9 months
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THE JUNIORS! for yet another twitter art meme
they're the perfect quartet dynamic
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twistedappletree · 6 months
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[ protection ]
scene sketch from my fic in progress, letters never sent 💌
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Fun idea:
Wei Wuxian gets his own Yunmeng Jiang disciples in disguise squads. This is because one time Jin Ling mentioned that Wei Wuxian was hurt on a night hunt and Jiang Cheng's anxiety levels hit a new peak, so he, in the fashion of people who take their hot iron on vacation, put assigned a squad of Yunmeng Jiang disciples as a protection detail.
YMJ disciple: So you want us to observe Wei Wuxian to study demonic cultivation?
JC (dead serious but also lying through his teeth): Absolutely, WWX is the foremost expert but he'll never tell us his secrets. It is of utmost important that he remain alive and well, so we can study him to ensure we are prepared for new demonic cultivation inventions.
YMJ disciple (not buying this for a second but willing to give the SL some face: Sounds legit.
-
A few months into the assignment.
YMJ disciple A (distressed) about WWX: He totally knows!
YMJ disciple B: He knows nothing.
YMJ disciple C: I've been a random rogue cultivator, a helpful villager and then a conveniently wandering on the same night hunt. That man can't remember faces for shit.
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wangxianficrecs · 2 months
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heroic aftermath by Last_for_Hell
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heroic aftermath
by Last_for_Hell (@last-in-line-for-hell)
T, 5k, Wangxian
Summary: A typical night hunt goes south quickly as Wei Wuxian gets severely injured protecting the juniors. They are understandably not okay with this, and try to deal with the aftermath of what they went through while taking care of a comatose Wei Wuxian. They were in for a long night ahead of them. Kay's comments: My heart breaks for the juniors in this story, but it's also so heart-warming to see how much they care for their Wei-qianbei. I was especially taken with Ouyang Zichen in this one, the fourth junior who often gets forgotten but is just as much part of the junior squad as the others. Despite Wei Wuxian being hurt badly in this story, there's no need to fear! Happy ending guaranteed! And many found family vibes as well! Excerpt: “We almost died but me walking around is too much for you?!” Jin Ling snarled, edges sharp. “We were not the ones who almost died!” Lan Jingyi cried out. The room went silent. A strangled inhale came from behind them, and Lan Jingyi spun on his heel, hand immediately outstretched, “Sizhui, I-“ “He almost died.” Lan Sizhui voice trembled, “He almost died again.” Lan Jingyi’s hand fell. Lan Sizhui didn’t look at them, eyes anchored to Wei Wuxian’s slack face, “Hanguang-Jun would have lost him again - my father would have lost him again. He’d never recover.” He was shaking. “I...I could have lost him again. And this time I remember, I would know what I lost. I can’t- I can’t lose him.” No one had anything to say to that.
pov alternating, post-canon, established relationship, adorable juniors, hurt wei wuxian, wei wuxian whump, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, aftermath of violence, wei wuxian has a fear of dogs, implied sexual content, angst with a happy ending, guilt
~*~
(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)
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theyrealldarlings · 1 year
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juniors finding out about the kids who bully jin ling in jinlintai and going there to become sect leader jins protection squad 💪
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ao3feed-xicheng · 2 months
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purple clad
by Anonymous five times someone has feelings for Jiang Cheng, one time Jiang Cheng develops feelings for someone. Words: 1705, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin, Jin Ling | Jin Rulan, Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji Relationships: Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin/Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin/Nie Huaisang, Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin/Lan Huan | Lan Xichen, Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin/Xue Yang | Xue Chengmei, Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin/Lan Jingyi, Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin/Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji Additional Tags: Fluff and Angst, Oblivious Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín, Evil Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiang Cheng Love Month 2020 (Módào Zǔshī), 5+1 Things, Fluff and Humor, Jiang Cheng Protection Squad, Established Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin/Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji, Marriage via https://ift.tt/mF4yqIi
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stiltonbasket · 1 year
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Junor squad hanging out a few years post-canon that's basically dad talk? Whose kid is doing what, who wins the weirdest kid poo contest, teeth loss count, etc.
Little tigers have 30 teeth while human babies have 20, so Jin Ling is swimming in lost milk teeth. Eventually, Nie Shiyong uses them to make protective talismans.
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lansplaining · 1 year
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Would Wei Wuxian even bother investigating JGY in this scenario? Jin Ling, his beloved Shijie's son, is dead and it's due to conservative assholes like the ones still railing against the Chief Cultivator, who were likely the backbone of the 'let's genocide the Wen Remnants and demonise WWX!' squad. I wonder if he'd just go, fuck it, find a way to contain the Fierce Corpse and let Liǎnfāng-zūn do whatever shady shit he wants
the problem is, wangxian don't really know that they're being led to JGY until they're basically already there :\ there aren't many choices WWX makes specifically to protect Jin Ling that he wouldn't have done anyway for one reason or another
I also don't think that even in canon wwx cares about the justice of what he's doing that much. he wants to stop the arm from hurting people, kinda, but mostly he's just curious about where this will lead and about mopping up each new mess as he comes to it. even in canon, there isn't a point where he says "I am going to solve this mystery for the good of the jianghu!" it just sort of... happens to him, and when it's done, he fucks off to get married and have sex in a bush
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rosethornewrites · 2 years
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Sunday-Wednesday T & G reading
The usual
Finished
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Hair Cut, by @bloody-bee-tea
Teen:
the fair and the brave and the good must die, by Lise
Rumor carries word of a ghost in Yiling to Cloud Recesses. Lan Wangji follows.
(Years after Wei Wuxian's death, Lan Wangji reunites with him on a night hunt.)
Just Get a Room!, by Azura_lights_18
"Huaisang what the hell?"
"What you asked me for a top?"
“Yeah and I meant a t-shirt. What about long, sexy, screams fuck me does this say?”
“Lan Zhan is tall, sexy and when he saw your picture basically screamed fuck me so…”
diamonds are wei wuxian's worst enemy, by thefaceofno
Lately he's been expecting Lan Zhan to tell him that he wants something real, something that’s more than just convenience between two people who work in the same office and carpooled before they even started sleeping together because Wuxian’s apartment is just over the road from Lan Zhan’s, more than two people who are seeing each other because the other is close and easy.
Lan Zhan looks up at him. If today is the day – Wuxian isn’t prepared.
“I want to get married.”
Oh.
Well. Lan Zhan’s uncle is always telling him he has to get married, telling him about prospective wives and husbands, but Lan Zhan has denied them all until now. He hasn’t told Wuxian why or how he managed to get his uncle off of his back. Wuxian wants to ask what changed, why Wuxian isn’t enough for him anymore, but he doesn't know if he's allowed.
"Okay."
aka the fic where wei wuxian accidentally helps plan his own wedding.
A Jealous Flower Tries To Break The Sun's Silver Moon, by Preludian_Staves (12 chapters)
Believing his mother when she said that no good son of a servant owed everything to the Jiang Sect, Jiang Wanyin tries to guilt Wei Wuxian into giving him his Golden Core after finding Wen Qing's Golden Core theory.
Or
Wei Wuxian learns how to rediscover his place in the Cultivation World during the Sunshot Campaign and after the War. Possibly with help along the way.
A Breath Held in Suspense Will Always Lead To An Exhale of Relief, by wolfsharingan15
Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are happily living in the Burial Mounds with the Wens and are raising Wei Yuan in, more or less, contented bliss. Things couldn’t have been going better. In fact, on one such occasion, Wen Ning and Lan Zhan left to go greet Jiang Cheng, Jin Yanli, and Lan Xichen. However, when Wei Ying’s barrier crumbles with a threat of a surprise attack from a rogue cultivator. Wei Ying quickly spurs into action to protect his home.
General:
Anticipation, by Befallings
For the Untamed Winterfest 2019 Prompt 24: Anticipation
Diamond in the ruff, by orphan_account
Jin Ling's spiritual dog, Fairy, is pawsitively amazing... and it turns out there's a rather suprising reason for that. When Fairy's real identity is revealed, Jin Ling and the rest of the junior squad embark on a search for answers, and a place in the world for their new friend.
Celebration, by Befallings
For the Untamed Winterfest 2019 Prompt 25: Celebration
Father's Day (For both of us?), by Shadoak_uwu (5th in a series)
"Oh yeah, I did say about I'm giving birth to someone. There is no way people will believe that, Sheesh." Replied Wei Wuxian, clicking his tounge in disbelief.
"Well, sorry to disappoint you, Wei Wuxian but you are the master of doings the impossible! If Lan Qiren hear you can give birth, he will be one hundred percent believe it, idiot! Mind your words, without context, people will get the wrong idea!" Scolded Jiang Wanyin, lecturing the heck out Wei Wuxian who was pouting, unhappy that he got scolded.
Lan Wangji is not Jealous (So he join them), by Shadoak_uwu (6th in a series)
"You are staring, Lan Zhan! What, do you want to hug Xuan-ge too??? Tell us, Lan er-gege!" giggled Wei Wuxian, shamelessly flirting with the tall male in front of them.Jin Zixuan swore he want to smack Wei Wuxian for offering the tall man to join their cuddling session. He was not ready to die again.
Lan Wangji scoffed as he want to deny it but then, He stared at Jin Zixuan again. Everyone was shocked when the tall Lan replied to Wei Wuxian offer with a single statement,
"Mn, I will. " And walked away. Jiang Wanyin slowly closed his door and stared at the others in disbelief.
Unfinished
Teen:
What has long been concealed, by Gaby007
The Burial Mounds change everything falling in their grasp, Wei Wuxian is well-placed to know it. Lan Wangji is rather nonplussed when he learns his beloved's secret yet seizes the opportunity to finally bring the Yiling Patriarch to Gusu and keep him safe.
Now, he just has to keep Wei Ying hidden from the cultivation world, and maybe he will get to learn some secrets of the Lan sect as he does.
The Passion of the Cut Sleeve, by Afriendlyenigma
Raised in a strict traditionalist family, Lan Zhan lets his uncle's many rules guide his adult life, giving structure and meaning in the places where a thick fog of loneliness threatens to choke him.
But just when he thought he had accepted his calm but empty existence, a gust of wind and a ray of sunshine comes along to clear away the mist, revealing that he had been somewhere beautiful all along, by someone more beautiful even than the exquisitely embroidered sleeve of his finest heirloom silk robe...
Rabbit Charm, by aoeros
“You gotta promise me that when you’re back home and settled in, I’ll be the first you come to see. Because I’m going to miss you more than anyone else will, Lán Zhàn. Except your brother, of course.”
“Of course. I promise to come find you first after I’ve settled back in.”
“Great! Then I promise to call you whenever I can. And, I will definitely not forget you.”
Battle Chefs, by sami
BATTLE CHEFS IS COMING!
by Qin Su
The new season of Battle Chefs is upon us, and once again I will be recapping every episode. Join us to discuss the latest season of everyone's favourite video-game-themed cooking contest!
Wen Qing is returning as the Referee and Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli will be our Players for the PvP section once again. Raid Boss Wei Ying is sure to make things interesting as always, and the trailers for this season promised us new heights of drama and excitement.
They honestly could have just promised us pretty. It's going to be great!
A Glimpse Into the Future, by SallySPT
When Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian help save a sacred shrine in the forest outside of Caiyi town during their time at Cloud Recesses, they are gifted with two glimpses into the future. Wei Wuxian asks to see the Twin Prides of Yunmeng leading Lotus Pier. Instead of the future they expect, the two see their future selves fighting at a Cultivation Conference in Lotus Pier. Discovering this, Jiang Cheng asks to see where their relationship went wrong. The two are then shown the aftermath of the burning of Lotus Pier. Horrified at their future, the two promise to work to change their fate.
Featuring Wei Wuxian having a gay awakening upon realizing he’s married to Lan Wangji in the future.
Whatever it takes, by Moonlit_dewdrops
Jiang Cheng and Wei WuXian are sent back to the past. This time, they can save everyone they love. They can make the right choices. They can learn to trust one another. However, everything comes with a price.
245_00$a Wangxian Collection, by nerdzeword (7th in a series)
Extent: 37 boxes total, comprised of assorted papers, three manuscripts, a ribbon, art, paperwork from Yiling Orphanage, music scores, approximately three terabytes of video footage on cassette, cds, and flash drives; and a broken compass
Written for the MXTX Museum Gala
catch and release (and catch again), by Gaez (bell_flowers)
Before he can even puzzle out what’s happened he’s falling. Falling but still holding Lan Zhan’s hand. Still holding Lan Zhan’s hand because Sandu has severed Lan Zhan’s wrist.
(Lan Zhan was not supposed to catch him. He most certainly wasn’t supposed to follow Wei Wuxian over the cliff.)
The Hate and Love of family, by Moonlit_dewdrops
Wei Wuxian gets sent home after the fight with Jin Zixuan. Jiang Cheng is right to have worried.
this moment, worth keeping, by OrdinaryRealities
Post-canon, Lan Xichen, Jiang Cheng, and Wei Wuxian walk into a clearing...
Or, eight novel characters watch CQL. Shenanigans ensue, but more serious topics are also brought to light. An exploration of the differences between novel and show.
Here With Me, by iamwish
Wen Qing finds him on the roof of where he’s been staying, nursing a jar of Sishu’s wine. “Wei Wuxian! What are you doing up there?” Wei Wuxian hasn’t had nearly enough wine to get tipsy, let alone drunk enough for his words to slur, but he slurs them anyway for nostalgia. “What if Lan Zhan doesn’t fall in love with me?” - Wei Wuxian finds himself in the past, a few months before the Gusu Lan lectures, and decides that his best shot at hiding his trauma fixing the future is faking his own kidnapping and asking Wen Qing who all he needs to kill before she or someone she trusts is in charge of QishanWen. Clearly, he thought this through. Or: Wei Wuxian creates a No War!AU, and then he has to live in it.
General:
Baby Whisperer Wei Wuxian, by Preludian_Staves
Thanks to his ability of soothing children everywhere he goes, Wei Wuxian accidentally acquires a child during the Cloud Recesses study arc and it changes things in how he interacts with the Lan Sect.
Friendship Is A Saw Worth Keeping, by DevieKlutz
Lan Wangji has a quiet life full of routine and he is content with that until a loud, chaotic new neighbor starts borrowing his things, using power tools at inexplicable times, and doing all the things Lan Wangji always thought would annoy him. He IS annoyed. That's definitely why his heart rate always escalates when he sees his new neighbor. That's the only reason.
He is wrong of course.
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zhancheng-ao3feed · 2 months
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zhuilingyizhen · 4 years
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Jin Ling Protection Squad
Or, Oyzz makes a joke and accidentally starts a brand. Also, JL gets a huge fanbase (if this were a modern AU don’t tell me that the juniors wouldn’t be like famous on YouTube or something).
It starts with the whole “JL is a Young Mistress” joke. Oyzz & Ljy are really pushing JL’s buttons (insert red-faced JL and a worried LSZ), and Oyzz casually says, “Wait, what if the young mistress gets attacked? We need to make sure that no harm shall come upon the delicate beauty that is-”
He then got cut off bc lsz couldn’t hold jl back anymore and jl pounced. Oyzz didn’t think much more of it (a little busy being attacked), but Ljy’s has a big brain moment.
A couple weeks later, LJY pitches the idea to the two non-JL members of their squad.
“Okay so what if-”
“Wait. Is there a reason a Ling isn’t here?”
“Yeah, but-”
“Jingyi, last time I got a black eye! I had to lie to my dad about getting mauled by an animal.”
“I mean, you’re not lying. You did get mauled. By a wild Jin Ling.”
Anyways, Jingyi gets lsz & oyzz to go along with his plan
That plan is literally just them following/escorting Jin Ling everywhere. For a week straight. Do you know how many Sundays the three of them had to give up for this?? (Actually, ljy convinced lwj to look at it as their duty to help a young mistress in need. Lwj just sees a chaotic gay but lets it slide.)
at first, jl doesn’t notice (cause he spends a lot of time with the others anyways) but soon it’s like... stalkerish levels of weird. Except you know the stalkers and they’re just doing it to annoy the heck out of you.
It’s hard to explain to your uncle why your three boyfriends are following you around everywhere, but they make it work.
Ljy starts a line of clothing for them (he got some other Lan disciples to help him out in exchange for a share) and believe it or not, it works?? It certainly makes JL more popular (just... not in the way he wanted). It also kinda backfired cause now more girls are interested in the Young Mistress (not sure if it’s gay or straight but I think it’s girls liking the more feminine side of a guy so... yeah).
On the other hand, LJY is stinking rich. So yay.
Lsz is tired, oyzz wants to know how he caused this clusterfuck, and jl is researching a way to heal bones quickly so he can break his boyfriends’ and not get in trouble.
the entire cultivation world just looks at them and wonder how the next generation is going to survive.
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yibo-wang · 4 years
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I just wanna hear you go off about jiang yanli and wwx *shrugs*
hello anon! do you really? are you sure? because there are a lot of feelings there.
the fact that jiang yanli was both an elder sister and a mother to wwx. she, until her last breath trusted and supported him and knew that her a-xian would do no harm because she knew his heart (the only other person other than lwj tbh who who knew wwx that well)
and the love and faith wwx had in her. he loved her so much and I'll forever be mad that they killed her for the mc storyline. because there was literally no other reason for her to die !!! (and like dont think wwx would've jumped if yanli was still alive infact she would've stopped him.)
And let's say he did jump, I can bet everything the amount of time I've spent thinking about yanli living and getting to raise jin ling and despite what the world said about his uncle 'the yiling patriarch', yanli would make sure that her son knew how lovely wwx was, how brave and righteous he was and God there's so much love there.
and oh my God I just remembered and it's so unfair that yanli never got to be an aunt, that she never met yuan. Yanli would've loved a-yuan so much. she'd take jin ling and a yuan together and idk this is going off canon so much but like imagine lwj and yanli taking their kids on play dates and lan wangji is so fucking awk at the start but he'd slowly get comfortable because well shes JIAN YANLI AND SHE LITERALLY A BALL OF SUNSHINE and it's just yanli would te him stories about wwx childhood and all the dumbass things he used to do and lwj would always feel lighter after those meetings, seeing a yuan being happy, playing with his cousin and just thinking how wei ying has someone other than him who loves him so much and oh God yanli wouldnt even let jiang cheng sit and be angry at wwx like this still doesnt go with the canon and this is all just me making so many what if scenarios cause jc made the final blow (somewhat) but that's not imp rn it's just that jiang yanli would make jiang chen come to his nephews playdates and ITS SO FUCKING AWK with lwj and jc being there together but they make it work and now theres one more person who there who loves wei wuxian and this post is just me pointing out that if JIANG YANLI WAS ALIVE SHED HAVE ERASED THE WHOLE NEGATIVE IMAGE OF YILING PATRIARCH SOMEHOW AND MAKE EVERYONE LOVE WEI WUXIAN CAUSE SHE WAS READY TO DRAW HER SWORD DURING THAT NIGHTHUNT EP WHEN THE JINS TALKED SHIT ABOUT WWX. periodt
send me a sleepover ask!
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nachtimmel · 6 years
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would prolly colour these when I have the time
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xyrarei · 2 years
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Police officer: you’re under arrest for having 3 people on a motorcycle at one time, blaring a song titled “Senior Wei Protection Squad”-
Ouyang Zizhen: wait…thrEE?
Police officer: yes, three why-
Jin Ling: what the fuck
Lan Jingyi: WEN NING FUCKING FELL OFF IM-
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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years
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Cultivated-to-Immortality post-canon where cultivation in modern day is mostly mysterious and many doubt it's real - and then WWX gets a cooking show...
“I’m going to murder him,” Jiang Cheng said blankly.
He wasn’t even angry or frustrated or any of the things he normally was when he said something like that. That would require actually reacting to -
What he just saw.
With his own eyes.
For real.
“You can’t do that,” Nie Huaisang said from where he was curled into a tiny little ball on their on-the-verge-of-breaking-down couch – modern things were really crap. The thing couldn’t be older than what, thirty or forty years, and it was already useless, and Nie Huaisang wasn’t helping matters by crying tears of laughter into the worn-out cushions like he was right now. “He’s immortal, remember? We’re all immortal.”
“Immortal in the sense that we won’t die of old age,” Jiang Cheng said. “I can still kill him.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I wouldn’t,” Jiang Cheng admitted. He was pretty sure they’d established that back in Wei Wuxian’s first life, forget his subsequent resurrection or when they all unexpectedly achieved immortality. “But I could definitely break his legs. He’d heal from that quick enough.”
“The day you break his legs will be the same day you do it to Jin Ling,” Nie Huaisang said wisely. “And I know you wouldn’t do that to our beloved junior squad.”
“You really need to stop calling them juniors, they’re all married with children and grandchildren a half-dozen times over already, and anyway stop getting away from the main point, which is this – this – this travesty.”
“It’s not a travesty,” Nie Huaisang said, pretending towards solemnity. Jiang Cheng didn’t know why he bothered, it wasn’t like they hadn’t spent centuries together by now on account of immortality being a little lonely and them not liking anyone else who’d reached immortality enough to want to spend that sort of time with them. “It’s a cooking show.”
“It can be a cooking show and a travesty! It’s a cooking show run by Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng growled. His stomach hurt just remembering the many times he’d been suckered into trying something because this time I’ve really got it down, I promise, you’ll like it! “Of course it’s a travesty. Did you see the set up he has going on? He has an entire wall of hot peppers!”
“Hmm, good point,” Nie Huaisang said. “You’re right. Something needs to be done about this.”
“I’m glad we agree.”
“I’ll send him some peppers from our garden,” Nie Huaisang decided. “I have that new varietal breed that we’ve been working on, extra hot; he’ll love it.”
“Don’t you dare send him the Zidian pepper without letting me try it first,” Jiang Cheng said pointedly. “It’s mine. He only gets leftovers once I’ve decided it’s complete. Anyway, are you telling me that you don’t think that this - this - this thing is a disgrace?”
They both looked at the screen, where the words ‘CHEF CULTIVATOR’ had appeared in large letters.
“I don’t know,” Nie Huaisang said thoughtfully. “I rather like the conceit of it – the mysterious food-obsessed Chairman kidnapping the heirs of the various cultivation clans...it’s all very historically accurate, at least?”
“One, Wen Ruohan wasn’t a Chairman, he was a tyrannical warlord who made all our lives absolutely miserable. Two, if that set is supposed to be the Nightless City, why is it so dark, and what’s with all the lava everywhere? I’m not even going to touch on the rock chair thing that no cultivator who values the state of their ass would ever sit on -”
“I don’t know about that,” Nie Huaisang said, looking down at their shitty couch with a exaggerated thoughtful look.
Jiang Cheng ignored him. He didn’t want to go couch-shopping again. It’d only been a few decades!
“And three,” he said, soldiering on, “I feel the need to point out that the cultivation clans were not named ‘Spicy’, ‘Barbecue’, ‘Vegetarian’, and ‘Expensive Fusion’.”
“But he’s got the coloring right and everything! And it’s really funny to see a chef outfit done up in that awful Jin gold color...”
Jiang Cheng put his head in his hands.
“I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nie Huaisang said, completely unable to resist bursting out in occasional bouts of giggling. “This is exactly like the time the Wen sect forced all of us to attend their indoctrination camp. Exactly like! You’re just misremembering.”
“I’m pretty sure that I’d remember being forced to compete in some sort of absurd cooking competition with mystery ingredients.”
“Would’ve been nice if we had.” At Jiang Cheng’s incredulous expression, Nie Huaisang shrugged. “Better than listening to Wen Chao talk, no?”
“…well, yes,” Jiang Cheng admitted. “Still, the whole thing seems a bit much. Cultivation is now state-regulated - by which we mean mostly banned from public knowledge - and our sects are all shrouded in mystery...this does seem to lower the tone a bit.”
“Like you care about tone.”
Jiang Cheng, who’d declared that he’d stopped giving a fuck sometime around the eleventh century, had to concede that.
“How’d he get the whole thing approved by the government?” he asked instead. “I thought they censored anything to do with modern-day cultivation.”
“I don’t think they’re that concerned about him spilling actual cultivation secrets on his cooking show.”
Jiang Cheng huffed, not wanting to admit that Nie Huaisang had a point. At any rate, the commercials were over and the show was continuing; he had better things to do than listen to Nie Huaisang talk, like watch the television.
After a few moments, his face began to turn purple.
“Oh,” Nie Huaisang said, and buried his face back into the pillows. “Oh no. Oh no.”
“I cannot believe him,” Jiang Cheng said. “I can’t – he can’t –”
“Now, now,” Nie Huaisang said between laughter so hard that he was hiccupping. “Be nice. If Wei Wuxian is the despotic Chef Cultivator and - oh this is terrible - Grandmaster of Demonic Cooking, that is on the hunt for a chef worthy of being his successor by forcing teams to challenge his stable of in-house chefs, it only makes sense that the ‘challenger’ team would be protected by the – by the –”
Jiang Cheng closed his eyes. “Lightly-Braised Lord?”
“That!”
“I would say that I can’t believe Hanguang-jun agreed to this, except he hasn’t said ‘no’ to Wei Wuxian in centuries,” Jiang Cheng said bitterly. There was a reason he refused to live with them. “This is a disgrace.”
“Accurate, though!” Nie Huaisang said, grinning. “That’s a very mild flavor of cooking, very appropriate for Lan Wangji.”
“I think you mean tasteless.”
“I mean, Lan Wangji is that, too, at least when it comes to Wei-xiong”
Jiang Cheng couldn’t exactly say that that was wrong.
They continued watching.
“Oh no,” Nie Huaisang said a few moments later. “The Ghost Pepper General. Poor Wen Ning!”
“It doesn’t fit,” Jiang Cheng said with a sniff. “He has no flavor profile.”
Maybe he was getting more into this than he would be willing to admit.
...he wasn’t going to admit it out loud anyway.
Nie Huaisang sniggered. “I hope Wei-xiong isn’t the judge.”
Jiang Cheng stared at the screen. “I still can’t believe this is actually happening.”
“I love it,” Nie Huaisang said. He was now scrolling on his phone. “The internet agrees with me, apparently. It’s a hit!”
“It figures.”
Their phones gave a chime at the same time, indicating a message on their group chat.
“Huh,” Nie Huaisang said. “That was the notable Chef Cultivator himself.”
“Oh, I bet it was,” Jiang Cheng grumbled, making no move to reach for his own phone. “What does he want? To apologize?”
“No, to offer us walk-on roles in the event he gets renewed for a second season.”
“Absolutely not,” Jiang Cheng said at once. “I refuse to be known as the Sandwich Shengshou or whatever he comes up with.”
Nie Huaisang dissolved into giggles. “Oh no. He would, too!...I wonder what I’d be?”
Jiang Cheng huffed. “You’d be – the Saltshaker. Obviously.”
“Oh noooooooo…”
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buffintruder · 4 years
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can you imagine what the untamed would have been like from Lan Sizhui’s pov because that would have been so funny
like first of all, you’re just going about your regular business, hunting evil spirits with your squad, and you meet this guy who used to be part of the Jin sect but got kicked out and apparently is crazy and always wears a mask? but he’s also clearly being mistreated by his family, and you know that whatever got him kicked out, he does not deserve this humiliation and abuse
you feel sorry for him, even when he stomps a spirit-summoning flag into the ground and runs unprotected into the middle of a fight and generally causes mild distress and irritation to your fellow juniors.
except then it turns out he actually seems quite competent and he even figures out a lot of what’s going on with the goddess statue, and sure he has weird habits, but he is nothing like how Jin Ling describes his bastard uncle. also maybe he summoned and sent away the Ghost General with his flute? but that’s impossible because the Ghost General should be ash, and anyway, the only one who could control the Ghost General was— 
And that’s not even the weirdest part, because then Hanguang Jun arrives. You are certain the two of them have not been close in the past, because surely he would have mentioned it, and besides, when would their paths even have crossed? 
But Hanguang Jun is your adopted father/mentor figure, and even though he has shown you nothing but kindness, you know how stoic and reserved he is to the rest of the world. Yet he treats Mo Xuanyu with a care you have never seen him offer to anyone besides yourself and his brother. He is never like this around strangers, and you don’t understand what is going on. 
(edit: now on ao3)
You part ways, then meet back up again not too long afterwards, and any pretense Hanguang Jun might have had at not being incredibly close to Mo Xuanyu dissolves. When they fight together at Yi City, there is a familiarity in the ease of their movements, the way they never have to look to make sure the other has his back. Sometimes when Hanguang Jun looks at Mo Xuanyu, you see more open emotion than you possibly have ever seen before. Hanguang Jun never flinches away from Mo Xuanyu’s touch.
Any pretense Mo Xuanyu might have had at being anything less than an expert cultivator also vanishes. He slips into the role of mentor and protector with ease, joking to keep all of you calm while he teaches you how to save your lives, always putting your safety above his. You wonder if it would be weird to consider a near-stranger fatherly.  
He feeds your poisoned fellow Juniors ridiculously spicy congee, and it does cure them, despite all their complaining about how it murdered their mouths. You had tasted some when helping him make it, but even with how strongly it burned your tongue, there was a strange part of you liked it. For some reason it taste familiar, like home somehow, even though you have lived in the Lan sect for as long as you can remember and they only have bland, spiceless food. 
That’s when the memories begin coming back, slow and weak, like a faint flute melody in the wind, too quiet to fully make out.
You do not remember your early childhood. This is hardly an unusual phenomenon, but you still feel its loss. You were not always a Lan. That development came when you were around four or five, according to what others have told you. Four seems an old enough age that you always thought that you should have at least some idea of what happened before, but you never have.
But now you have the faint impression of a different vendor in a different city selling a similar grass butterfly to the one you bought on impulse despite being far too old for toys. You think of the familiarity of congee, of the reedy melody you heard the night you met Mo Xuanyu and then again as the Ghost General stopped attacking the juniors and ran off into the trees. You have a handful of clues, but they paint no coherent picture.
These thoughts haunt you for three months, but since Mo Xuanyu returns to Cloud Recesses as you continue on your night hunts, there is nothing but the occasional sparks of familiarity around random items or phrases to fill in the missing parts. 
And then the word comes out that Mo Xuanyu is actually Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch, the founder of demonic cultivation. This is the man who killed thousands, who betrayed the clans, who murdered his own family, including the parents of your—your friend? the boy you’ve run into a few times and survived life-or-death situations with?
Except when everybody else reacts with anger and fear, you... don’t. You can’t explain why, but the name Wei Wuxian brings an echo of comfort, half buried under all the horrible stories you’ve heard about him. 
Part of you wonders if it has anything to do with the whispers of memories, that faint deja vu that has started haunting you. Or maybe it’s the way that Hanguang Jun has always turned sad at the mention of Wei Wuxian, how he never speaks a bad word about him despite their alleged rivalry. All your fellow juniors are terrified and furious and hurt at having been deceived, at having grown to like this eccentric man who teased them and saved their lives then turned out to be the monster from all their childhood bedtime stories, and even though you understand them, you feel none of that.
He saves all of you not too long afterwards, and you can’t say you are surprised. Even when all evidence pointed to him being the one to trap you and your friends in a cave for days, it never seemed quite right to you.
It was a set up you learn, as he and Hanguang Jun and the Ghost General save you from an army of corpses and reveal the true traitor. All those terrible deeds you’ve spent your whole life hearing about are not explained away, but this one is, and you have faith that Wei Wuxian is not the villain everyone has made him out to be.
His Ghost General, Wen Ning, certainly isn’t. A living corpse who has slaughtered armies sounds terrifying, but in reality he’s rather sweet. There is something so soft and hopeful in his eyes as he approaches you and asks you for his name. Your friends keep their hands on their swords, but you offer him a smile and an answer. There’s something familiar about him too.
Maybe that’s why you talk to him, despite the intense look in his eyes. Or maybe because he seemed so sad, alone, separated from everyone else, and the intensity seems anything but dangerous. “You—look like my cousin,” he says, and you start to wonder, everything so close to sliding into place.
You don’t know who your parents are or where you came from, but there is something about the clan name Wen that feels so close to something right, despite all the tales you’ve heard about the destruction they wrought.
Then he gives you a grass butterfly, so similar to the one you bought at the market, so similar to something you know was important to you long ago. And like one last pebble taken out from the base of a wall, this small token brings everything above it crumbling down, and suddenly the memories start spilling in. You look at him properly now, because this was your relative, and you once lived with and played with him. He sees the recognition in your eyes, you know, because he steps forward, trembling.
Of course, Jin Ling has to ruin the moment, but now that you know, there is nothing in the world that could keep you from talking to him and finding out more. You were a Wen, you think. You must have been raised in the Burial Grounds by Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch. You were one of the people he betrayed all the clans to protect. No wonder you never feared the stories of the monstrous Wens and Yiling Patriarch. How could you when they were your family, when you were one of them?
You never could have lived among the Lan Sect if people knew, so you understand why it had to remain a secret.
Still. You have to know more.
“Did Master Wei really put a five year old child in the soil like a turnip?” you ask Wen Ning, at the nearest opportunity. That child was you, and both of you know it, even if you can’t say it out loud, not this close to all these people who would be willing to turn on Wei Wuxian on any excuse, who would be willing to turn on you if they knew the truth.
Wen Ning smiles and nods, and there is more life in the glow of his eyes than any corpse has the right to have. “Just like this!” he says, gesturing, as sparks of memory come back even stronger than before.
And then of course everything goes wrong. Wen Ning throws you into the temple where all the leaders of the four main clans plus Wei Wuxian and Hanguang Jun and a few others are. Jin Guangyao is holding a thread around your friend’s (you think you can call him your friend by now) throat and there is blood, and so many secrets spilled, confessions made.
In the midst of it all, you see Wei Wuxian for the first time since you started to remember, and now there are more memories, sharper, clearer. You remember his spicy congee, the toy butterfly so similar to the ones you hold now that Hanguang Jun bought for you that day Wei Wuxian took you out into the city. Back then, you hadn’t really understood the significance of all those things, why you lived on a mountain full of buried bones, why Wei Wuxian hadn’t bought that toy himself, but now you are older and you know some of the history behind it. Not all of it, you are sure, since so many assumptions of the past have just been proven wrong tonight, and the history you were told had never mentioned the existence of a small child among the supposedly evil remnants of the Wen clan. 
You do not know the full truth, but you want to.
Even once everything is over, with the enemies dead and gone, there are a million things going on, relationships being broken or repaired for the first time in over a decade, injuries to be treated, people to reassure that you are okay, that you made it out alive. It takes a bit for you to peel away from everything, to speak to Wei Wuxian, but you find Wen Ning, and the two of you manage to catch up before Wei Wuxian and Hanguang Jun can go far.
Your thoughts and memories are still chaotic and scattered, little bursts of images and sensations that only barely form a coherent picture. But you summon all your determination, sixteen years of questions that are now clamoring for answers in your brain. You take a deep breath. “I have something important that I must ask you.”
Your heart is pounding, and in the past few days, you have faced an army of fierce corpses and fought against the Ghost General (for which he has apologized a thousand times) and helped confront a master manipulator, and somehow this is the most terrifying thing you have done. You are so sure of the truth, but some part of you doubts. How can you truly be sure when you were so young? And even if the man in front of you helped raise so long ago, how can you know if he still has any affection for you, that he is willing to recognize you? These are irrational fears, you know, but they weigh heavily.
Still, you meet his gaze with eyes that are already starting to water and begin to speak of your long-buried memories, the words spilling out with more and more ease as you continue to talk, as his expression changes from confusion to something full of grief and slow realization.
“Wen was my surname,” you say, now confident of this fact, your previous doubts melted away in the face of Wei Wuxian’s teary eyes.
He looks away, blinking as if he can’t believe it and mutters, “Wen was your surname? Isn’t Lan your surname? Lan Sizhui... Lan Yuan... Lan Yuan.” Then he looks up at you with so much hope, full of a scared longing that you know is the same as what fills your own heart. “A-Yuan.”
It has been a lifetime since you last heard your name called out in that voice, and you wonder how you could have gone so long without even knowing you were missing it. You nod. Tears threaten to spill out of your eyes, but you can’t be bothered to fight them.
You can tell it doesn’t seem quite real to him, the way he looks so afraid to believe it. He thought you were dead this whole time, you realize when he turns to Hanguang Jun for confirmation. And that breaks your heart a little more. He had lost so much, and you had lost so much even if you weren’t fully aware of it, but now you have found each other all over again, and the miraculousness of that is almost too much to bear.
You rush forward to hug him, sixteen years of Lan propriety forgotten. You are a child again, clinging onto a man you have always loved, except you are also an adult with so many years of separation only hitting you now that you are finally reunited. You are both and neither, and as his arms come up to wrap around you, you know that all that matters is that you are home.
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