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iliektehhaxs · 10 months

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Words Unspoken, Actions Taken

Pairing: Clive Rosfield/Reader (AFAB, female pronouns. no Y/N) Rating: Explicit, 18+, Minors DNI Word Count: 1.9k words Summary: After Clive returns from another mission battered and bruised you finally give him a piece of your mind. He doesn't take too kindly to your words. Read on AO3! Warnings: Dom! Clive, angry sex, elements of degradation, p in v actions, unprotected sex, fluff (if you squint) Author's Note: Hey y'all, the world was sorely lacking in Clive fics, so I'm doing my part to change that. I love this depressed man and his slutty little waist too much to NOT write for him. Spoilers for a certain character's death, so if you haven't gotten that far, don't read ahead. Update: There's a sequel now!

You’re not surprised you ended up like this, quite the opposite in fact. Clive Rosfield, also known as Cid, your faithful leader and the very symbol of hope to every lost soul who found their way under his wing. A beacon to guide them towards a better life, and to change the world for the better. The very same leader who regularly risked his life for the greater good, much to your dismay, without so much as any concern to himself.

He was already somewhat of an errand boy when you had first met him, but after Cid died it grew tenfold. The hideaway, the resistance, the increase of bearer violence, it was all too much. He told you as much after you found him one night drinking alone in his room, a hushed confession under the cover of night that without you he wouldn’t have made it this far and you’d be a liar if the memory didn’t make you feel some kind of way. Despite that, he kept on shouldering more and more responsibility, to the point that it was commonplace to have him leave for days on end, returning one day only to be gone the next. It was concerning to the other residents, but most of all to you.

You admired his efforts, truly. It was noble, but eventually it would catch up to him. You tried to tell him as much, but he would just wave you away and reassure you that he can handle himself.

You’ve seen him fight, you’re well aware of his talents with a blade, but all the training in the world can’t substitute a good night's rest. What happens if he worked himself to death, found himself behind enemy lines and never returned?

You couldn’t stand to think about it. You worried about him, and in your worry you found yourself growing resentful of his apparent ignorance towards his own well-being. But you held your tongue, forced to keep your emotions to yourself because if nothing else, having him worry about you would only serve to be another item on his long list of responsibilities. You tried, you really did. And then he came back from a mission beaten to hell. Tarja, talented as she was, only barely brought him back from the brink. He was in bed rest for weeks before he was allowed to leave, and in that time your resentment grew to anger. Was it immature? Yes. Did you care? Not particularly. Your attitude change was obvious to anyone in the Hideaway, most of all to Clive, but he figured you were just in a mood, maybe something had happened while he was recovering. In any case, you two were close, you would tell him eventually. It was only after he returned from his latest life-threatening mission that he realized that you were mad at him. Again, you tried to hold yourself back, but when you saw how ignorant he was you couldn’t take it anymore. Words were said, some of which came from a place of genuine care. The others, however… “You’re an idiot if you think I’m going to stand by and watch you kill yourself—” You hissed at him, pacing around the floor of his office. It was there the two of you stood, a back and forth with no end. “I need to carry on his name, his legacy—” He raises his voice before stopping himself to take a shaky breath. “I need to live up to his dream. Don’t you understand that?” “Oh I understand plenty,” You fume. You’re not quite sure where this malice came from, but it was all consuming, ever burning. “Don’t you know that I—we need you here? Alive?” He shakes his head and he says something about his duty and his obligations and you’re completely over it, obviously anything you say is going in one ear and out the other. “Do you think Cid would want you to work yourself to death?” You ask, concern written on your face. “Do you think he’d be proud to see you take no care to yourself?” He doesn’t even look at you anymore, his head bowed. “If it’s for the good of the cause—” You interrupt him before he can say another word. “If you genuinely believe that then you’ll end up dead, and his sacrifice would’ve been for nothing.” The silence that follows is deafening. His footsteps ring heavy in your ears, moving closer and closer. “What did you just say?” The anger in his voice is apparent. You’ve never seen him like this before, a rage normally reserved for his enemies directed towards you.

You probably should’ve stopped, but you didn’t. “I said, if you truly believe that then you’re wasting the chance Cid gave you.” You look up at him unwavering, consequences be damned. He needed to hear this. Clive stood unmoving, an unknown emotion swirling in those vibrant blue eyes of his. “Be careful of what you say next.” And then it broke. The dam holding everything you held back before shattering into pieces and before you knew it you were awash with emotion. “You’re a bastard Clive, if you truly can’t see how you’re hurting the people around you by acting like a complete fucking idiot, then you don’t deserve his legacy or his name.” You wanted him to get mad, wanted him to feel the way you’ve felt for a while now. What happens next is a blur, limbs entangled and skin exposed, but based on how fast the front of your body met the desk, you met your goal. “Couldn’t just keep your mouth shut, fuck—,” He hisses above you, but you’re too far gone to care. You have been for a while, too lost in the feeling of his hands against your hips, his cock dragging against you deliciously. “Just had to keep testing me—” It’s almost embarrassing how easily you let him have his way with you. Your body completely under his control, every gasp of his name only serving to feed his ego, encouraging him to go faster, harder, more, more, more—

“Clive—!” “That’s right, say my fucking name—” If the squeaking of the old wooden desk he’s taken you on wasn’t already a sign of what was happening in the room, the shameless moans escaping your lips would be. “Let the entire hideaway know whose cock you’re begging for.”

You do, without any thought to how loud you may be.

The force of his thrusts are brutal against your backside, your body aching and yet you can’t stop moving, desperately trying to meet his every thrust. It’s hopeless, but he seems to enjoy your attempts at least, a wicked chuckle escaping him as he watches your body move on his own. “Is this what you wanted, hm? To be used like a pleasure girl?” His body is pressed against your back now, the full weight of him blanketed against you. Your breath catches in your throat, his lips whispering absolute filth into your ear. “Upset you couldn’t have me all to yourself? Don’t worry, I’m right here.” His tone is cruel, mocking. “I’ll make sure you never have to worry again.”

He doesn’t stop moving, how could he when you sound absolutely debauched below him, a picture perfect image of sin to be molded by his own hands. He fucks you just as he fights, ferocious, unyielding, unrelenting, finding every single one of your weaknesses and taking advantage of them until you cry out that it’s too much, that you can’t take it, and doesn’t give you a moment of reprieve. A glutton of your own making. He laughs, a sound so far separated from his normal self that you almost don’t recognize it as him. “Come now darling, you were ready to spit venom at me before, where’s all that fire gone?” He breathes unevenly, a hand moving to push your head further down. He’s taunting you, dangling your own shameful display in front of your very eyes. Even if you wanted to respond you couldn’t, the sound of your hips meeting, echoing through the room proved answer enough. “Clive—fuck—please ‘m sorry—” Your body is racked with shudders, whimpering when he runs a single hand down your spine, forcing you to arch even further and have him reach that spot inside you that has you seeing stars. “What was that? I don’t think I quite heard you.” He sneers from above. You mumble into the desk, unable to bring your head up to speak. “I’m sorry, please, can’t take it, too much, pleasepleaseplease—”

A hand around your throat silences you, his lips grazing against your ear once more. “Oh no, I don’t believe that for a second.”

He lets you go, only for that same hand to grab your face, fingers pressing against your cheeks. He forces your tear-rimmed eyes to gaze at him from below, a contrast to the sinister look in his own. “Can’t take it? Too much? I don’t think that’s true—” Another hard thrust has you keening, back arching, a fog of lust clouding your brain. “—I think you’re going to take everything I give and more.” He’s right of course, and you do, graciously. Your legs threaten to give out, shaking, barely holding on, and in an act of mercy he grabs your weakened limbs with a strong hand. Practically a rag doll at this point, he lays you onto the desk, legs wrapped around his body to bring him as close as possible. You can see him in this position, see the way his brows crease and furrow every time you clench onto his cock, the pleased grin that lingers when you grab onto his arms, seeking purchase. It’s filthy. Clive doesn’t think he’s seen anything more beautiful.

To watch his advisor fall apart at his hands, to drown in waves of pleasure begging for more, please, I need more—

It’s addicting, sadistic in ways he never thought himself capable of. He can’t get enough. A painful dance of give and take. He gives pleasure and takes your very sanity with it. He takes and takes until you’ve nothing left to give, until you’re a writhing mess of slurred words and half-mumbled promises. He can barely understand you at this point, your mind far away, but he doesn’t need to. He can understand your body well enough. “Clive, please—” You gasp, nails dragging deliciously against his back. You don’t have to speak, he knows what you want before you do. Without another second of hesitation his fingers move vigorously against your sensitive nub, and if he thought you were gone before the feeling of his deft hands working against your sex send you to new heights. The choked noise that escapes you is downright heavenly. “Gods above—!”

He’d be flattered if he wasn’t so busy fucking you into next week. Sweat clings onto your skin, and for a moment he conjures up an image of an angel, the sheen highlighting you in such a way you almost seem to glow. And then he watches your eyes roll, feels your pussy clench against his cock and you fall over the edge with his name on your lips like a prayer, and thinks to himself that you’re more of a devil than a saint. Your breathing is ragged, completely spent, nearly delirious with desire.

But nearly is not enough for him.

So his hips still grind against you, and you’re far too weak to resist him, not that you would have in the first place. A give and take, and Clive was always a little greedy.

“We’re not done yet, my dear. Not by a long shot.”

#final fantasy xvi #final fantasy 16 #Clive Rosfield x reader #clive rosfield x you #Clive Rosfield smut #angry smut #dom!clive #Robo Writes #clive rosfield #your honor he's babygirl coded #final fantasy xvi smut

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heathersdesk · 3 months

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Confession Time:

I don't like Come Follow Me and never have. And I haven't been able to articulate why until I tried to buckle down and start with the Book of Mormon this year.

The first paragraph of the first section for 1 Nephi 1-5 ends with this sentence:

"Overall, there is power in this imperfect family’s examples of faith."

I was rocked by that a little bit the first time I read it.

I thought to myself, "Wow. Are we really going to confront the hero worship and unhealthy worldviews our community has internalized about this book because of the way the negative behaviors of the characters are never challenged or confronted for what they are? That many of the details are included because they're cautionary tales about what NOT to do, but you'd never know that based on how the material is presented and talked about by our people at large because the conversation is driven by the needless compulsion to focus on the same tired perspectives of faith promotion that the subjects sometimes don't deserve?"

*reads the section, which is full of the same "I will go and do" about Nephi that they always do, without once confronting the conflicts, doubts, and struggles of anyone but Nephi in any serious way, some of which are exacerbated (if not cause) by Nephi being insufferable and self-righteous to everyone around him*

Nephi is an unreliable narrator, y'all. You're not supposed to believe everything he says, thinks, and does. Especially when he's younger. His view of the people around him and their motivations lack depth because he was totally unconcerned with their feelings and struggles. He was bad at helping and honoring people in their darkest moments, having nothing better to offer them for support than glib and shallow assertions that they would be struggling less if they were more like him. An attitude he learned from his father's blatant and unapologetic favoritism.

Nephi is not an example of what to do when there is conflict in your family. And it takes him until "O wretched man that I am" to realize he's not the most important man in every room. His disrespect for other people in his leadership is the reason they want nothing to do with him, and it takes him a lifetime of chasing people away from God to realize he's not as good of a person as he thinks he is. He has failed people from his need to be seen as being better than he is, better than everyone else is at loving God and knowing what that means. And this becomes a cultural artifact, a baked-in foregone conclusion in the minds of his people that ends up shaping their self-perceptions until it destroys them. His personal failures, viewed for their long-term ramifications and consequences, is part of what this book is supposed to be about.

But sure. Let's do "I will go and do" again, without pondering in any serious way if Nephi's interpretation of his interaction with the Holy Ghost might be lacking in credibility because the alternative is to say something closer to "We really botched this job and killing Laban was not a forgone conclusion or a necessary evil that I can acquit myself of because God said it was okay."

Maybe we don't have to believe that. Maybe we can examine how our culture in the modern church has perpetuated this same logical fallacy with vigilante violence, justified by appeals to this exact story.

Point being, never read the story of Nephi without keeping it firmly fixed in your mind that he's going to regret and repent of most of this later. That cross reference to 2 Nephi 4 is probably the most important thing you can have in your margins every time he says or does something totally uncalled for. 🖖

#mormon #lds #mormonism #tumblrstake #religion #the church of jesus christ of latter day saints #faith #queerstake #scripture study #the book of mormon

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arisuworld · 8 months

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—ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE—

DISCLAIMERS:

1. Strong language (i swear a lot), sarcasm ahead, tough love typa shit. This is meant to be helpful and reassuring but I'm not going to treat y'all like you're made of sugar and talk like I'm from 50 years ago. Deal with it or not.

2. English isn't my first language. So, there can be many grammatical mistakes.

Yes, you read it right. Only you can change your life not your favourite goddess blogger then WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING THEM TO MANIFEST FOR YOU? GURLLL REALLY? DO YOU THINK THEY'RE ABOVE YOU? DO YOU THINK YOU'RE LESS OF A GOD JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE NOT ENTERED VOID YET? GURL, you have your whole life ahead you. If you will let some limiting beliefs hold you back from achieving the things you deserve, then that's it. It's done. You're never going to get your desires or desired life and YOU WILL HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELVES!!

Now now, do not come for me. I said what I said and I mean it 100%. (And I'll prove it below)

Tell me honestly, why haven't you manifested your desires by now? Why? What's the reason?

— LACK OF PERSISTENCE? LACK OF DISCIPLINE? LACK OF FAITH? OVERCONSUMPTION? PROCRASTINATION? LAZINESS? LACK OF DETERMINATION? INABILITY TO ACCEPT A FAILURE?

So now, who's fault is that? Start taking accountability for your procrastination and lack of persistence. Because if you won't, then you will not be disciplined enough to achieve your desires.

All i want to say is— TIME WON'T STOP FOR YOU! Rather than wasting your time thinking about how others are lucky to enter void at their first try, start affirming and PERSIST IN THEM, BELIEVE IN THEM!! BECAUSE SWEETHEART LISTEN— L I F E G O E S O N ! ! ! STOP WASTING YOUR LIFE LIKE THIS!! AND START WORKING YOUR ASS OFF. and by working, I do not mean to go and start taking action in real life, NO.

1. Make yourself a routine (which is what I'm doing for you right now but anyways). Listen to subliminals or listen to brown, white noise or litteralyyy any music (yes, you can also listen to your favourite song which calms you down). Just anything to calm you down, to relax you, to put you in a good mood.

2. Start AFFIRMING and do not let negative thoughts take over. (Once you start affirming, leave the old story behind because GURRLLL THAT'S NOT YOU ANYMORE!! ALWAYS PERSIST IN THE NEW STORY) You can either do a challenge (like 10k or 20k affirmations) or just affirm robotically for 10 minutes every hour. Saturate your subconscious mind with good and positive affirmations.

3. You can also do the self hypnosis thingy by konniesreality (it's optional)

4. Also, do any meditation or Yoga Nidra at anytime of the day you feel comfortable (It would be better if you do it right before entering void). In my opinion, yoga nidra feels much better (ALSO, DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN ENTER VOID WITH YOGA NIDRA MEDITATION? HEHE) It will clear your mind in minutes. It also relaxes your body. But everyone has different choices, so do whatever feels good for you because that's the major point.

5. At night, set the fucking intention and just go for it.( You can do any method which seems suitable for you) YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!! TRY TO PUT SOME EFFORTS ONCE IN YOUR LIFE GOD'S SAKE. IT CAN IMPROVE YOUR LIFE OVERALL SO MUCH.

I'm rooting for you baby, I know you can do it. You just need a little hard push and that's what I'm here to do. So listen to your desires and most importantly, listen to yourself. You can do this!!

Good luck y'all <3

{Ps : Idk why but i really love making these rude toxic motivational posts I'm sorry 😭}

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oxyvouge · 2 months

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: ̗̀➛ wax wings ༊·˚

summary: after the news of Sirius cheating on you broke out to the whole wizarding world, you confronted him about it.

━━ ✦ pairing(s): husband! sirius black x wife! reader

━━ ✦ warning: cheating

━━ ✦ word count: 1,382

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'M BACK but several months late 😭🙏. here's your request, @lilacspider. hope y'all enjoy <333

YOU DIDN'T exactly remember how you got in this position; with your eyes screaming anger, sadness, and regret all in one in front of your husband himself, Sirius Black.

You didn't get it, why would he do this? And you will never get it. What was the reason? Were you not enough? Aren't you both happy? Why did everything lead to this? There were so many questions floating in your head yet you preferred if they were left unanswered.

Tho, you quite vividly remembered how you watched your son going back to his playroom after giving you a letter he found somewhere inside the house. How Marlene drank all the remaining butterbeer, putting it down on the table with a loud clang.

How Marlene also started talking shit about Sirius. "Honestly, Black can fuck Merlin's Beard. He and his bloody dick can't control itself." How Dorcas kicked Marlene after hearing what she said. "What? I'm right tho. If he controlled his dick, Y/N wouldn't even be in this situation now."

Everything could ramble all over your fuzzy mind but you would never forget how you looked into a specific page of the Daily Prophet reading Sirius' name. BLACK'S AFFAIR BRINGS SHAME TO FAMILY LEGACY. It was written on the headline.

You couldn't bring yourself to read the whole article. It was heart-wrenching. What would become of your son if he was to know? That the whole wizarding world knew about his father's affair except for him.

But you couldn't bring yourself to tell him about it so here you are, confronting Sirius about it with angry tears from the all-for-nothing years that were wasted because of a single affair.

Letters burnt but a single is saved yet crumpled in between your tightly closed hands.

"Be careful with that one, love. He may have already left the Black household, but what runs through him will never leave. He will do what it takes to survive." That was what Dorcas said. Was what they all said. But did you believe it?

You heard rumors about him yet never once in your life have you doubted Sirius' faithfulness until now.

"Are you happy now? Do you feel proud of yourself?" You managed to crack out. "You got back at the legacy you've always been talking about. And now you have a broken family. Congratulations." Legacy. Such a word to risk something important for. But was it just something important?

Sirius didn't say anything. Maybe he was too ashamed to even say anything. He should be. Sirius opened his mouth to speak yet he didn't say anything. You noted how his jaw clenched and his eyes darting everywhere all at once refusing to look you back in the eye.

"You think you're so slick, don't you? Slithering around behind my back like some kind of serpent. You should've been with the Slytherins like your whole family. Tell me, Sirius, why did you do it?"

A scoff was the only sound that came from his mouth. Sirius set his eyes on you, courage slowly building up and that lump in his throat disappearing. "You were gone. I was alone and lonely." Was the only thing he said.

It didn't need you a minute or two to put things together. It's his dick. It always has been. "Was she worth it then? Trading our vows for your lack of companionship?"

"This isn't the first time, Y/N." Dorcas took a look at you and held your hand in an assuring way. "You've married an Icarus, he has flown too close to the sun." They must've been laughing at you already. Noting how dumb you could be, especially in the face of love.

"No! She was no one! She begged me." Sirius cried. He never cried like this so hard ever since he left the Black household for the better.

You laughed. It was stupid. Men and their ability to make stupid decisions with their dick. "Because you were alone? Do you even know why you're alone, Sirius? Because you refuse to come home and now you're pulling me that bloody excuse of loneliness like it was my fault when it wasn't!"

"But I still love you, Y/N!" He kneeled, wanting to grab your hand and beg to all of the Gods out there, Merlin, but most importantly, to you.

"No. I refuse to believe that. That became a lie ever since you were entangled with that woman." You felt tears building up in the corner of your eyes but you would never let it fall. Not when he could see and may use for his self-pleasure. "My—Cepheus, our son, was always coming to our bedroom asking when you'd be back." You emphasized. "You know what I always tell him? I tell him, "Daddy will come home, honey, once you're a good and big boy already!" and he must've already memorized it."

"I'm a big boy now, aren't I, mother?" Your 6-year-old son asked as he stood in front of a measuring tape for his height.

You've always been in front of your porch, waiting when Sirius would come home. "When was the last time he came home?" You remembered Lily asking that and how you stayed silent thinking carefully, when did he last come home? But you never knew the answer to that.

"Every time I look at you now, I see nothing but betrayal etched into your face. That must've been the reason why you never come home."

Maybe you should've burned the article moments ago so you didn't have to be in this position. Like how you burnt the letters he gave you. "Did your wax wings melt? Because I would never understand where you got the courage to do that and admit it like it was never your fault."

You turn from him and into the table where the newspaper lies. You turn to snatch it from there and show it to Sirius. You let out a chuckle, "It was ironic, honestly. You've always talked about legacy; legacy this, legacy that." You took a moment to compose yourself yet your eyes never left Sirius'. "Are you that blind Sirius? They aren't your legacy Sirius. Your legacy isn't your family who you turned your back on. Not Hogwarts. Not the Marauders. Not the Wizarding World. Not them but us. We are your legacy."

You've married the brightest star in the sky, he collided with another and everything exploded. "You've left scars on my heart that may never heal, all because you couldn't keep it in your pants."

You regained your posture and said, "By the break of dawn, I want every each one your clothes and things gone from this house."

"Mommy, is everything alright?" You heard a soft voice calling out to you. You turned to look at the door and saw how your son was holding onto the doorknob, peaking with his tired eyes that came from his sleep. Sirius stood up from the floor and turned away from Cepheus. "Dad?"

You passed Sirius and walked straight towards your son. "Baby?" You bent down to look at him and saw how he rubbed his eyes with a yawn. "Come on, let's go to bed. Daddy has things to do and he's in a hurry baby."

"He's always gone." Your son muttered, catching Sirius' attention. You both left the room and closed the door behind you.

"Did you and dad fight, mommy?" You only managed to smile.

Dear Y/N,

You're the person I want to spend my entire life with. You're the match in a world full of moths and it's drawing me to you. I chased you ever since first year and I don't plan on just walking towards you anytime soon. I want to run. Let's run till we can't anymore. I would watch the world burn, let the supernova engulf the Universe, and let everything fall apart in front of us as long as I'm with you.

I love you so much, my love. Words can't explain how much I love you to the Saturn and back. But maybe, I'm certain, every time I look at you, I fell a million times over.

Let's build a family. A new legacy of the Blacks. It'll be for us all; and maybe, just maybe we can show them what being a Black is really like.

With all love,

S. O. B.

you can make a request here where you'll be guided by the guidelines and check out the masterlist.

this is the most beautiful thing i've written 🥹🥹

ps. i still hate cheaters.

#dead gay wizards from the 70s #marauders era #sirius black #sirius orion black #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x you #sirius black x reader #sirius black angst #fic request #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #lily evans #oxyvouge writes

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emperorhyperi0n · 10 months

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How Did We Get Here: Keiwa

*long exasperated sigh.mp4*

So since everyone seems to be taking part in the Keiwa Morality argument. Here's my two cents, dismiss it if you want.

Like. Look. Keiwa teaming up with the DGP to exploit Tsumuri's powers is clearly a crossing of the Moral Event Horizon. That's clear, and I don't think we can dispute that. What I'm having a hard time dealing with is that most people seem to be lacking an understanding of the "why" of his plan (rather than just going to Ace in the first place) and going straight to "the writers are bad/sabotaging his character/doing all of this for no reason" argument.

So: why is Keiwa doing his plan (which is roughly "vengeance, stop for brunch/kidnapping, and then reset the world to accomplish my original goal in the first place") in this way?

See, the thing y'all haven't noticed is that, number one, Ace and Tsumuri literally cannot just fix this themselves. It's been assumed by some that because of their godly powers, the two can just fix the problem instantly by bringing Sara back. But judging by the things we've seen in the show, there are way too many holes with this idea. Remember, Ace and Tsumuri have (somewhat) limits; Ace himself lamented that he couldn't do more with his power outside of giving everyone their DGP memories back, and that was with Geats MK9, and Tsumuri just learned that she has goddess powers like. a week ago? Unless she's been training, that kind of power has been shown to very rarely activate on its own volition, instead occurring under extreme stress. While using the power itself is reliable, the two people connected to it are not.

Speaking of: Keiwa's relationship with Ace is, naturally, strained at this point. There's the opinion that because of PunkJack's Wacky Woohoo Expository Conference back in Episode 37, that Keiwa was supposed to just. magically let go of his grudge for the Goddess and be on Ace's side again. And that's kinda weird??? I'm not going to go into it (this post is long enough), but one press conference that implies that "because Ace was born, the Goddess ain't evil and is being used", without providing a concrete thing of "oh hey, she's not doing this of her own free will", really doesn't resolve things for Keiwa's low opinion of... pretty much everything at this point. And with Ace being, as usual, pretty mum about the situation, Keiwa still holding onto the grudge, especially now that Ace appears to have taken her place, and having pretty much lost everything at this point it's not entirely hard to see why he's lost faith in him.

Which makes it so that his "best option" (which is really not that but Keiwa doesn't know that) is to team up with the DGP. He clearly doesn't want to considering all the bullshit they've put him through, but he's still locked in the opinion that the wish that the DGP grants is the only way to accomplish his goals, which is a point that also wasn't resolved during the previous arc, leading to how we got to this point. So, using Tsumuri's power, with a deal from the DGP, in order to revive everything after his Vengeance Tour 2K23, is hypothetically his best shot. Is this a good way to process grief? Hell no! But as long as this path is open, and that the dueling opinions of "Ace can't help me rn, so I have to do it myself" and "the goddess still needs to pay for her sins (<- doesn't know about the whole "trapped as a statue thing)" still exist, he'll still try and do it. As long as his sister is safe, regardless of the consequences.

Lastly, going into this Keiwa doesn't have a healthy mentality. At all. Keiwa was one corn chip away from having a breakdown several times before this, and losing his only family to the same fucking guy that killed him... yeah, he's very far from mentally stable at the moment. With Kekera egging his misery on from the sidelines, like, my guy has snapped, and making impulsive, selfish, not very well thought out (remember, he's teamed up with the DGP) decisions with the "best" intentions is very in-character for him, whether we all like it or not. All of the things I've said beforehand are, in Keiwa's really fucked up mental state, valid reasons to do this.

And you know what? Probably not valid! He needs to go to therapy, or something. But he can't (and not only because describing the DGP would make you sound insane), and he won't, so he's Lazer Focused on this instead.

It's... honestly kind of depressing when you think about it. But those are my thoughts on the matter. At the very least, it looks like his wish will result in a monkey's paw effect... and maybe that will snap him out of it. Maybe then he'll just finally talk to Ace and the others, and clear up the sheer amount of miscommunication at the bottom of the issue.

...we have at least 8 episodes left though. So I might not count on it though.

#kamen rider geats #kamen rider #sakurai keiwa #jesus this is a long post. kinda wild.#i know that this won't make a dent in people's opinions but im just putting it out here tbh #episode 43 looks fucking wild #I can't wait to see Keiwa's Cult Leader Arc(?)

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astrologanize · 7 months

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2023 october sun horoscope pt. 2

sun in libra: y'all better not be having issues with people still because i'm seeing so much of last month being carried over. this is a month that can either be stimulating for your inner child or you're going to be acting off the walls childish - but let's be positive and assume the former which means this is a month of getting out of your comfort zone and giving your all to something. throughout october you will be tapping into childlike wonder, you're not going to be trying to force things in your favor, you're going to embrace the present, you may not always feel as grounded or as ~balanced~ as you'd like but some fun is good for the soul, this is another month where you're getting what you deserve - whatever that means so what you put out into the universe will come back to you for better or worse. sometimes all ya gotta do is take a leap of faith and let whatever happens...happen. invest in life!!! live your life!!! focus on really living!!! otherwise, this could be a month of acting like an ungrateful, bratty child.

sun in scorpio: what are y'all doing?! last month you guys chilled out for a moment but of course y'all can't live without some friction for long smh. stop the self-sabotage! this is a month where you really let go and leave things up in the air, you may feel like there's something(s) you don't want to deal with so you say idgaf because you don't feel up to making any decisions this month. throughout october you may have conflict/tension with something or someone, you're going to be running into obstacles, there will be something related to job or lack of job so if you have a job then you may have changes within your job/job environment or leave/get a new job. you may also have car/travel issues and you may have a looot of distractions this month, honestly at times it is going to feel like you're getting nowhere no matter what you do. try to learn how to accept 'defeat' because things are not going to go the way you would hope and you need to let down your guard and soften yourself big time. otherwise, this could be a month of negligence.

sun in sagittarius: ah, what a feeling to come into your own once again - especially as a fire sign! this is a month where you take lead of your life, you feel completely capable, you feel like you've paid your dues, and after recognizing your issues with others last month you are able to be more receptive and understand better boundaries. throughout october you will be putting in the effort you need to, you will be holding yourself accountable, you may be placed in positions to help or guide others in how they should do something orrrr something you helped (someone) with pays off. don't be too finicky this month and try to watch coming across as demanding, you have a very go-go mentality this month that's reminding me of a fitness trainer and you need to chill lol. do what you need but take things day by day! otherwise, this could be a month where you believe your way is above everyone else's (shocking).

sun in capricorn: ok ok last month didn't have the greatest moments but this month you're curbing the need to discern everything or be a know-it-all, last month something(s) was ending in your life and this month you are still experiencing the closing of a chapter, overall you are in a more 'feeling' headspace where you are trying your best to adjust rather than doubling down. throughout october you will be upgrading yourself, you are going to be focused, you are going to be dependable, you are in the mentality of wanting to truly care about yourself and your life and tending to that. you can expect this month to be a change of pace and a lot happening at once, life will be overflowing but flowing nonetheless, and you should allow yourself to soften (into that), lead with your heart, be kind whenever you can, listen to some good music, daydream, you can still have moments of softness during this hectic time. otherwise, this could be a month where you experience total burnout.

sun in aquarius: everything was all about others last month but this is a month where you mature, you gain experience, you feel assured in your thoughts, you may invest in something for yourself but there is either a 'loss' of or non-focus on materialism. throughout october you will be easygoing, you aren't focused on plans or sticking to plans, you are going to be considering all the options and alternatives, you will be feeling like the world is your oyster and you can choose whatever. try to step into your power this month, have a healthy level of self-control, be mindful of what you say, don't overpour into anything, this is a time to really channel the cool, detached, quiet confidence stereotype of an aquarius so that you don't go overboard. otherwise, this could be a month where your head is way up in the clouds and you are not thinking before speaking/doing anything.

sun in pisces: what a calm time this will be for you. this is a month where you're more pulled back, you are prioritizing balance and peace, you aren't in a place of figuring things out or moving anything along. throughout october you're going to be feeling more hopeful, you will be doing more on your own, you may have some weird moments with others but nothing that's going to bother you or lead to anything, you may be garnering attention or feeling as though you are being put in the spotlight. there may also be some sexuality and intimacy stuff that is notable or that you're working through this month. this is a time of giving up and giving in which means reworking what you've been doing by surrendering/abandoning something and then trying to be more thorough with your life - like fine! i shall no longer persist with this! it's gotten nowhere! i'll try to put my best foot forward this time. otherwise, this could be a month where you're having a false sense of confidence because you're choosing to persist with something beneath you.

#2023 #october 2023 #horoscope #long post

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wild-wombytch · 7 months

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So. I'm still new to radical feminism and still in the middle of my peak trans, so I'm trying to be careful with my critical thinking and tonight I genuinely wondered about that injunction that feminism must by default ve trans inclusive. Because does it, really? What do trans people actually bring on the table for feminism? Or are they only beneficiary/exploitative of feminism without bringing on anything in return but misogynistic anon hate? I wondered "hey, if "trans women are women" is a true statement, then what is statistically the involvement of trans women in women's rights? In abortion's rights? In thing that allegedly concern womanhood even if it doesn't concern them personally?"

Because I'm a lesbian and chances are I'll never need an abortion in my whole life. Hell, due to personal reasons, I'd have more chances to want to keep my pregnancy going if I had to have one because I might not be able handle abortion psychologically. Yet, I'm fighting for every woman to be able to have an abortion, to have that choice. Even if more likely than not it doesn't effect me as an individual as much as it effects me as a woman. Because women always have to bear the weight of all the women's rights anyway, we get little privileges in terms of individuation in comparison to men. So I wondered -genuinely, in good faith- if trans women were feeling the weight of this as well or if it was going to be full male "not my problem, don't care" entitlement. And ladies. Let me offer some more exhibit (I swear these are all the first results I had for TWO different wordings on Google):

So let's do the midnight/mushbrain quick unpacking of this :

- No stats

- No arguments, we're supposed to accept trans women benefit feminism because They Said So™

- Lots of vitriolic takes on anyone questioning it ("cruel" "appropriative of the rhetoric of women's rights" that "inflict life-threatening harm on trans people"-lol-, "narrowly interpreting a statement", "bigoted", "anti feminist", weakening feminism)

- Many of those are made by trans women and also denying biological reality [not surprising, BUT an argument of TRAs is that most trans people believe in bio sex...despite hating radfems, somehow]

- It's so focused on pushing the trans activism, trying to prove that trans women don't have male privileges (an idea in these examples often defended by...other males) and that uwu but transwomen experience misogyny too uwu + trying so hard to prove us that there's no threat to women's rights here whatsoever. Nope. None. Please, look elsewhere. That it doesn't answer my question directly.

And by that lack of answer I ironically found it. It's male centered. It's gaslighting us in believing women's rights are ok and NEED trans activism (cause women need saviors and haven't been handling feminism themselves on their own and under hatred all of these centuries, y'know /s?). Nobody cares about women's rights here. It's not based on facts, it's all based on the fact we should blindly believe what TiM say. That including them will benefit us somehow and that it's not male violence because they identify as women so they allegedly can't reproduce male violence. All that while packaging disagreement from female feminists in diverse degrees of insults and misogyny and misinformation...say again how there's no trans agenda here and how it's not like, oh, I don't know, literal male entitlement and narcissism?

Anyway, I'm too sleepy to dig further but by all means, please do if you want to add something.

Just, I'm new to this and this is already pretty exhausting. To think a lot of you have been radfems for years...istg y'all are braver than honeybadgers (complimentary). Literally all the online communities now cater to them and throw us under the bus when we raise questions. It's male privileges benefiting males over females.

Exhibit 4852 about why radfems/gender criticals are right.

#anyways.#tras are mras #radical feminism #radblr #radblr safe #sex not gender #terfsafe #terfblr #radfem safe #gender critical #smash the patriarchy #transgenderism #terf safe #terf please interact #radfem please interact #radical feminists please touch #libfem bullshit

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wigglebox · 2 years

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dash isn't as bad as i thought i'd be but damn some of y'all really are insecure in shipping and are very very quick to just quit on the man

i say this with love tho like, i get it but also holy moly

this isn't anything new and if anything this out of all the blunders of which there are just like what 4?i dk it happens every few years you can set your watch by it

this is thee tamest one. if you said this after the destiel isn't real thing then fine i get it, even tho that lacks context too of the time, but now? like guys holy crap how is this like 2 minute answer stacked up against the mountain of everything else and sways the 'well we're never getting destiel in the continuation now' opinion?

idk it feels like faith in him for some people was already barely there and just there to humor folk and then the first trip he has y'all point and go see????? SEEE???? when like no

also we're a fandom of sleep deprived ND folk so it's annoying we can't give another sleep deprived ND Guy some wiggle room here especially in what's beginning to sound like a j2 friendlier audience aka bronlies who you can even kinda hear on the video not be too happy with the question.

a friend in there said the energy shifted al ittle bit and jackles has been put in this position so many times before and not only that he's also had to do 1520 barn photo ops for shippers. but also we ask him questions like these knowing full well he doesn’t have the freedom to talk about it like misha does and somehow expect a misha answer like for him to break out the rainbow flags which he just can’t do at this time.

like idk give him a break and learn to fortify your own beliefs in the ship and its legacy

#vancon22 #it's disheartening to see how many people go 'well see i told you he's nothing but trouble' or whatever #that sentiment #i wanna see the overlap of people being this extreme and the fans who started in like late 2019 and later #also this was origitinally just in tags but i decided to make it a text post lol #bc it got so long

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greater-than-the-sword · 7 months

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Highlights from Ferguson's Chapters on Christian Assurance

Because I know some of y'all struggle with this and I've got not one but TWO separate people requesting this in the last couple of days.

The first thing that Ferguson does (although I don't want to spend too much time on it) which I already posted about somewhat, is to clearly disambiguate assurance from faith itself. As it was mentioned, "faith is the direct act, assurance is the reflex act", or as it is stated elsewhere,

It seems that you do not want a ground for your believing, but for your believing that you have believed. (Thomas Boston)

Ferguson then moves on to the next point, which is that a true believer is absolutely entitled to have the assurance of salvation. That is, while a believer may or may not actually experience such a feeling, they have every right to.

[believers] may in this life be certainly assured that they are in a state of grace, and may rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. (Westminster Confession of Faith)

Of course, the question of getting assurance of salvation cannot be separated from the question of whether one's salvation is actually genuine, because one is only entitled to the assurance of the existence of something that is actually there.

My notes: It's at this point one has to remember the beautiful simplicity of the gospel.

Ferguson spends some time dealing with the so-called "practical syllogism" of assurance; that is, the biblical statements about how one can know that one is a believer through their obedience to the commands of Christ.

But he does note:

...the practical syllogism does not work without respect to faith. Nor should it be criticized as though it were intended to be an alternative way of experiencing assurance apart from faith.

My notes: This means that similarly to how there is not an alternative "works path" of getting salvation, there is not an alternative "works path" of getting assurance of salvation.

Rather by quoting Calvin he points out that this kind of assurance can be had in the sense of noticing what God has done in your life:

Therefore, when we rule out reliance upon works, we mean only this: that the Christian mind may not be turned back to the merit of works as to a help toward salvation but should rely wholly on the free promise of righteousness. But we do not forbid him from undergirding and strengthening his faith by signs of the divine benevolence toward him...; the grace of good works shows that the Spirit of adoption has been given to us. -John Calvin (emphasis mine)

Therefore

Inconsistent Christian living leads to lack of assurance. At least, it leads to a lack of true assurance (although, alas, not necessarily to a lack of self-assurance) -Sinclair B. Ferguson

My notes: he interestingly here refers to false assurance as self-assurance, that is, coming from the self rather than from the Spirit.

If assurance came from one's self alone, it wouldn't be enough, because the Bible says to let every matter be settled by two witnesses. But who is there to observe the human heart? It's not surprising that we often feel that our own feelings alone are not enough. Fortunately,

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. (Romans 8:16)

But sometimes our own feelings and conscience actively work against us. But in that case,

If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. (1st John 3:20)

But there are other possible reasons for feeling lack of assurance as well. Even the Devil himself would very much like to sabotage the assurance of the believer, as noted in chapter 11,

Satan knows he cannot ultimately destroy those whom Christ saves. He is therefore determined to destroy our enjoyment of our new relationship to the Lord. (Ferguson)(emphasis original)

Lastly, as a gift from the Lord, the assurance of salvation is not to be avoided because it doesn't lead to licentiousness or to pride, but to obedience and humility, which Ferguson mentions on the last page.

I'm sure there is more to post in these great chapters, but these are the highlights, and I hope it is helpful.

#the whole christ #christianity #theology

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yuurivoice · 1 year

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Just wanted to say that even though I do avoid exploring any tags related to me, I do absolutely recognize and appreciate a ton of you who regularly post awesome art, headcanons, and memes.

A lot of that is thanks to people sharing those fun, awesome things! Reblogs where I end up seeing them on mutuals blogs and stuff helps, so share and gas each other up!

There are people in this community that have been here for years, who have seen this entire corner of the internet shift and grow for better or worse. The OGs who have been around before I ever made this blog know how far the community has come, how much it's stayed the same, and how much it has changed. And I've grown along with it. My aspirations and hopes and creativity has evolved so much from just doing silly little posts as an anime twink to having a full blown web series.

Despite that growth, I am still just a guy trying to tell his stories and make some voices while doing it. I have a small team around me, and without them this would be even more difficult than it already is. We're not corporate, we're independent artists and freelancers and creatives just trying to do cool stuff, and are lucky enough that something worked.

I've failed so much over the course of my life. You see the results of things, and for the most part are incredibly kind and supportive. Thousands upon thousands have appreciated my work in one way or another, and that's a dream come true for me. I never bothered wanting anything more in my life than to share stories with people. I didn't have a bucket list, or many aspirations. I was at a dead end and ready to just give up. That mentality and the time spent going in circles did a lot of damage over time.

But you found me, whether it was 6 years ago or a week ago, and whatever support and vibes you've sent my way have mattered. I won't ever lose sight of that.

I wanted to say that because I know I am not as ingrained into my own community as an active participant and that may make me seem distant, or stuck up, or something. It's not for any sort of disdain or lack of appreciation though, it's just me, and trying to keep my head clear.

You don't get an instruction manual when you're suddenly a niche internet micro celebrity. They don't tell you about scrolling through fan art at 3am and then seeing the nastiest, most mean spirited, bad faith takes about your work you've ever seen. Shit is weird, man. And it's not for me, because I give way too much of a shit about my art, and that's a flaw. My skin has gotten thicker over the years, but what happens on days when your mental health is in the shitter? Weeks where I've been fighting my demons and losing can't afford me the grace to step on a weird internet landmine brought on by the symptoms of being a creative trying and failing and succeeding all at once in a world where everyone on the internet has an opinion they want to shout into the void.

And people can do that! It's my responsibility to look after myself and set those boundaries for my own comfort, not anyone's fault for just doing their thing on the internet, ya know? Once you put yourself out there, you have to accept that people are gonna people. Same irl, shit, I've been a fat kid my whole life, I'm certainly no stranger to people being obscenely rude for no reason other than they like the sound of their own voice.

I just wanted y'all to know that even though we're well beyond the "little internet family" vibes that some creators foster, I'm not up in some ivory tower (ha, said the thing) looking down like a curmudgeon. I am rooting especially hard for all the fellow creatives out there on their own journeys, wanting to share their passion and dreams with the world as well. I want you to win, and succeed, and find fulfillment with whatever drives you to make things.

Guess I was in my feelings a little bit and just wanted to say that I do see many of you and am thankful you've allowed me to play some kind of role in entertaining, comforting, or inspiring you. That means the world to me.

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thisgardenofromance · 11 months

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Why I Absolutely Cannot Stand TamaHaru as an Ouran Manga Reader

Shoutout to this post I made a while back, we're finally delving into the second half of my argument lol

I feel like I'm gonna get some heat for this but I mean this completely in good faith to the shippers, because y'all are people. And honestly? Since there are so many of you, I would genuinely appreciate hearing your (polite) responses because I really don't understand. Here's my (anti-TamaHaru) perspective:

Ok, so TamaHaru always seemed a bit bland to me in the anime. It was fine if it had to happen, I guess, but it always seemed like the other characters were a lot more excited about it than the actual couple, and it just kind of seemed like their energies and life plans didn't align? They don't even end up kissing by the end of the anime, and they were the main ship and a straight couple. If they wanted to kiss, wouldn't they have kissed? And I mean, yeah, there was that whole bit where everyone was like "wow, Haruhi's dad is just like Tamaki" (which seems like some sort of weird relationship complex in and of itself), but Tamaki had a tendency to get excited about shit Haruhi just complained about, and I... is it really worth it at that point?

(Especially when Kyoya and Mori are right there. Come on dude, Kyoya is absolutely willing to have Tamaki's back every step of the way for whatever interests he wants to pursue and Tamaki designates him as the teammate in the family, and don't even get me started on whatever was going on between Haruhi and Mori in the waterpark episode. I want more of that shit. But that's a topic for another time.)

Feel free to give me your arguments on this too (kindly, please), but I feel like most of it that I've seen is "they'll grow together"/"they're equally stupid and that's cute"/"he just loves her so much"/"they're so aesthetic" and none of these have ever really held water for me because it doesn't really seem to negate the lack of chemistry I've observed...

Oof that was a long ass backstory but onto the actual point

So in the manga, my experience was basically all my fears were confirmed and then some, and we quickly spiraled into downright emotional abuse and partner-to-partner hatred????

Ah god it was so bad

Here are some examples

Haruhi's reaction to the realization that she loves Tamaki (Volume 13)

Literally the first example of body dysmorphia we've ever gotten from Haruhi (directly contradicting her body-positive/neutral quotes from volume 3), along with a very convenient example of Tamaki's (NOW CONFIRMED ROMANTIC) infantilization of Haruhi that y'all already know because it is present since the start of the series (the thing is this wouldn't even be an issue if it was directed at a friend as a "we have a family bond and I want to feel like I'm taking care of you" as he does with the twins and not to someone who he wants to be his life partner....) (Volume 13)

Haruhi's thoughts on the possibility of dating Tamaki (Volume 13)

The fact that the Dream Haruhi plotline has ground to stand on?????? Since when has it been okay to fantasize that your supposed other half is a completely different person when it comes to an actual romantic relationship? Shit like this is okay until it starts affecting other people, and the fact Haruhi has already shown dysmorphia because she cares about whether or not Tamaki wants to date her and then this shit happens makes me very uncomfy down to my bones. (Volume 14)

This isn't something particularly heinous between these two, but it is yet another egregious example of how they always just completely miss each other's vibes, which I personally don't really like in my power couples (Volume 15)

I'm just saying, if I realized my girlfriend thought these things about me I would be justifiably upset (Volume 15)

Ok I understand the tendency of the host club to jokingly threaten violence (read: Kyoya when he wakes up and both of the twins) but this is both completely unwarranted and oddly genuine what the fuck :D (Volume 15)

What the fuck <3 (Volume 15)

It's ok guys she's rethinking it because he fell asleep in the club room :D (she never apologizes to him by the way)

And then they spend the rest of the series overcoming external obstacles and living happily ever after

Just kidding this is how they get together (Volume 18)

And this is their first date. I don't feel like depicting it in its entirety because my back hurts now but rest assured Tamaki acting like Tamaki pisses Haruhi off more than once <3 (Volume 18)

In summary I've only ever seen them act like this with each other I like both of their characters but these chapters genuinely almost convinced me to hate them they are so bad for each other just date someone else just date someone else p l e a s e

#ohshc #ouran high school host club #tamaki suoh #haruhi fujioka #ohshc manga #toxicity #toxic relationship #ohshc headcanons #not judging anyone for liking it i promise #i don't think y'all are abuse apologists or anything we all know this source material is problematic and like it anyway #i just don't understand this instance in particular when it's so much easier to love the characters from different avenues in my experience #tw emotional abuse #they both deserve better they are only toxic to each other #anti tamaharu

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psychewritesbs · 2 months

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Crazy how loads of people from this fandom lacks faith in Megumi yet you've got the strongest sorcerer of today and the strongest sorcerer in history simultaneously vouch for him.

Gojo confidently believing Megumi will push through and know the truth about his father.

Sukuna, who pushed Higuruma and recognized his talent yet still said he wasn't anything special, but for some reason he never exhibited that kind of attitude to Megumi despite screwing with him over and over. It begs the question, what it is that they see in him doesn't it? Yet people prefer to ask dumbly why Megumi is acting the way he does as if the reason hadn't been made clear since the beginning.

And can we talk about the blatant hypocrisy in this fandom? People are comparing him to Yuji as if what he's going through is any different than that of Yuji in Shibuya. Did they conveniently forget how Todo had to step in and talk no jutsu Yuji to pick himself up cause he was so down in the dumps?

There's also the rampant complaints about characters not reacting emotionally to deaths and yet we have a character right now, whose reacting emotionally to the death of a loved one yet they're chastising him for it? Which is it really?

Welcome to jjk-confessions Sunday, not on a Sunday as per usual.

I'm going to repackage your ask and frame it using the following formula:

Megumi = the shadow.

The shadow = the repository of repressed or rejected aspects of our personality.

TLDR; Megumi catches very interesting projections to say the least.

Like potential man isn't even a bad meme tbh, because he is potential man. That's Megumi. But like, it's the attitude towards the idea that he is having such a hard time reaching his potential (something that is VERY understandable given his backstory and how that affected his sense of self).

I swear every time I see something bad about Megumi (other than "I just don't like him", "he doesn't speak to me", or "I couldn't get invested because xyz was missing from the narrative--that is actually lacking"), there's always some sort of rejection of vulnerability at the core of it.

Which as I have said only like 350,068,023 million times already I've been keeping track, Megumi rejects his vulnerability.

So when I see a lot of the comments about Megumi, what I see is the complete rejection of one's humanity if I'm honest. Like, everyone in jjk is being shown to have some kind of very flawed perception of the world, and for some reason Megumi picks up projections around being a bitch for someone, being weak, pathetic... do I keep going?

And this is all so interesting to observe because he is such a beautiful character when you take the time to understand him. Gege cooked with Megumi.

Idk, I can't help but feel like it's interesting how Gege keeps breaking the 4th wall with jjk, and Megumi is one of the ways he's doing it. And idk about y'all, but I think he's very conscious of how he directs his energy towards the fandom.

idk how to explain well. Hopefully that makes some sort of sense lol.

Anyways. Thanks for sending a letter in anon. We remain strong.

#ask the mental gymnastics anime girl

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 8 months

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oh yes, I can write pretty, flimsy things about love and hope and perseverance and all that. but then look at me, and where are those? words and words only. I could stop myself from doing things. the difference is I either don't want to or don't care. I have scars already. what's a few more? it won't change anything. if I really wanted to 'get better', I'd actually try to eat enough, for a start. and look at me. having one, maybe two meals a day. what's the good of writing things supposed to be encouraging when I don't believe them? I can talk about getting up and going on until I'm blue in the face and still I sit here, uncaring, watching everything fall apart more than it already was. which is fair. that's what I deserve. y'all should quit following me. honestly I don't see this going anywhere good. I think it a higher than 50% chance that I will die by suicide within the next year. but do I care about that, either? nah. and it's not for lack of faith in God, just in myself, I suppose. and my kitten is currently curled up all comfy on my lap, so it's not that I have nothing to live for. just that, as me, I don't want to live. nor do I know how to change myself. and I'm ever so tired. I know how I'd do it, it wouldn't be hard. I want a hug but no hug will fix this. I don't think anything can, really. if I told my dietitian I was feeling like this right now she'd probably be concerned. last time she knew I felt like this she made me promise to go and tell my parents. well. what they don't know won't hurt them, ain't so? nobody in real life actually needs to know, not now. it's possible someone will see scars and put two and two together, but still, harming isn't so bad. on its own it shouldn't be a problem, right? and nobody would suspect me of eating problems unless I mentioned it. not like some of the girlies who actually have actual problems. maybe I'm just making it all up. yeah it's all in my head and I'm imagining things. I just looked round the room extra hard at everything in case I'm hallucinating. if I was I feel like I'd know, though, somehow, idk. maybe I'll have a psychotic break one day like my sister did. but really it's all in my head. well I know how to fix things being in my head. simply break the head and the problems are all gone.

#your post is kinda queuete #posted to queue because ain't me as has energy to deal with this being seen and read by people at this point #written on the last day of july just after posting the poem 'little bird'#personal #tw suicide #tw ed #tw sh #puddleglum hours

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onlyseokmins · 2 years

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imagine if cheol being late at home and being punish by f/reader.

Since it was just his birthday and I think this fits the slip, I jumped ahead and did this first 😜 partially draws inspiration from @livjeonghan's super hot headcanon here but this is def not as soft or good as what livvie had laid out hdkskala and shout out to my cheol thots @bitchlessdino and @wonwussy for the input :3 ALSO tagging @husbandcheol and @happysmilebtr and miss @onlymingyus for no reason except it's Mr Scoups anyways this got longer than I thought but uh. hope y'all enjoy🤭

The darkened entrance to your shared apartment has Seungcheol breathing out a sigh of relief as he quietly shuts the door. It's much too early to celebrate though, because when he flips on the light and turns around, you're sitting on the couch with a frown on your lovely face.

"Why are you awake?" He gently reproaches as if he hadn't just let out an unflattering shriek of surprise. "It's late, love."

"It is late," you confirm and Seungcheol has to fight the inner battle of not staring at how good your tits look pushed up under your crossed arms. This is a serious situation. But it's not his fault with how much he misses you. Well — maybe it is. "Why is it that you are coming home at this hour?"

"Ah, I apologize, baby. You know how work ge — "

"Seungcheol."

There is no venom in your tone when you interrupt him firmly. Just flat disappointment. And maybe that makes his heart sink deeper. You're not the type of person to throw a tantrum with fiery fits of rage. Instead, it's a cold displeasure — enough to make even the temperature drop and a chill travel up a person's spine.

You're not worried about an affair. You know your husband is faithful beyond measure and that he's just as dedicated to his work as he is to you. Likewise, you're occupied managing your own workload which meant the two of you had both made the effort to dedicate a timeslot to celebrate Seungcheol's special day.

That was supposed to start six hours ago.

"Not even a phone call? A text?" You continue, gesturing towards the dining table filled with a delicious cuisine from his favorite restaurant. "I was worried something serious happened to you! Thanks to Jeonghan, at least I knew you were still alive."

"Baby, I'm so sorry — "

"You should be. For yourself. Seems like the birthday boy gets a punishment rather than the reward he originally deserved."

Your husband lets you take him by the hand and push on his shoulders so he's seated on the couch. Eyebrows raised when you lean forward, the silken bathrobe parting perfectly at the top to display your cleavage. He grunts as you fuss with his belt buckle, manicured hands wandering and brushing against his dick — which was by no means coincidental.

"I thought this was a punishment?"

"Oh, it is." When you've finally taken off his leather belt, it dangles from your pointer finger before you let it drop to the floor. "Especially if I have to use this. So, make sure you keep your hands where they are."

"Fuck, you serious?" Seungcheol curses, not only because of your command but more so when you untie your outer garment just enough so he can see what's underneath.

Contrary to what people believe, although his signature colors are reds and blacks, the dirty secret you share as a couple is that he loves the color white — especially if you're the one wearing it. Some might point to how angelic it makes you look, the innocent contrast of lacy material wrapping your body in a desirable way only to be obscenely torn off for sinful acts.

That may be true but you know for a fact he gets a kick out of turning the ivory fabric translucent — with your wetness, his saliva, or a mix of either of your releases.

Although tonight's "gift" was meant to be different. Seungcheol licks his lips when he sees your exposed nipples and glistening cunt. It's a skimpy lingerie set, simply made for fucking. The attire lacks any sense of modesty and fails to hide a thing from curious eyes — the stockings attached to the garter belt and the shield of your short bathrobe the most coverage on your body.

"Could've had your way with me immediately. Would've had full access to this pussy the minute you stepped in the door. Slid in and slammed me right against the wall — at the table, on the counter, in the bathroom."

Your husband clenches his jaw in regret, fingers digging into his thighs at your words as he tries to will his mind not to think about such a scenario.

"Would've been all your choice, lover boy. Was ready to be your perfect little fuck toy for your birthday, let you do whatever you wanted with me." You pout in fake disappointment and lightly circle your nipples. "But work was just too important."

"No, I — "

"Your baby girl waited for so long. All by herself." Another curse leaves Seungcheol's mouth when you pull out something familiar from the pocket of your robe. Red, black, and hard. You turn it over in your palms as if you've never seen it before. "Oh, this silly thing? Yeah, my boyfriend bought it. You see, back then we had to do a little training prep because he has such a big dick," you let out a hiss as you glide it between your folds for lubrication, "just didn't know he could be one, too."

The man in question is blabbering apologies as the upcoming punishment clicks in his brain.

"No, no, no! Baby, God, baby please don't do this to me."

If there was one thing your partner hated, it was not being able to touch you. Even when you pleasured yourself, it had to be on his lap or where he could easily slide a hand down to rub at your clit, lick the slick off your fingers or folds, and at the very least — brush the hair behind your ears as you cum, trembling in the hold of his strong arms.

But now, you stand way out of reach in front of him. Breathy grunts leave your pretty lips as you ease the large dildo inside of your tight cunt and forbid him to move, touch you, or himself.

It's torture.

At least you're allowing him to make noises for now and Seungcheol moans the same time you do when the toy is finally nestled fully within you.

The dildo is indeed somewhat special. It's big enough to nudge gently at your sweet spot and has the right amount of girth to stretch you to take Seungcheol's cock easier. You occasionally still use it years later, especially in times when you're lonely. Unfortunately, it's nowhere near the warm feeling of a real dick — plus it's not attached to the man you love. But it's enough to put on a show and you know that he's suffering when his hands fly to his face in desperation, squeezing his eyes shut.

"C'mon, love. Look at me. Look at how greedy this pussy is, how it aches to be filled. It could've been yours tonight when you walked through the door, baby."

Your name falls off of Seungcheol's tongue as he pleads with you. He'd do anything to make up for disappointing you. So, you pause — the dildo in your hands shiny from your ministrations.

"Do you know why I'm upset?"

"Because I put work first. Before us."

"Wrong," you berate, "before yourself. Baby, this is your birthday and your special day. We made plans to celebrate you. You were supposed to have this evening off to relax... enjoy yourself. Maybe fuck me or something."

"I-I know. And I'm sorry... I promise to tell Seongsu to fuck off next time."

Your eyebrows knit together in worry. "All I'm saying is to just abide by the boundaries you've set. If your boss won't even allow that, we're job searching."

"If I promise to do so, will you finally get your cute lil ass on my lap and use me to your content?" He asks cheekily, instantly regretting so when you refuse.

"You have to actually do something for a reward. But I'll consider it if you do. As for using you, well..."

He can only nod vigorously, mouth turning dry when you slip the sash from your robe out of its loopholes. You come closer and lean over him once more, gently tying the silk material around his head so it covers his eyes.

"You still with me, birthday boy?"

"Y-yeah. But... what are you doing?"

You don't reply right away, placing the dildo in his left hand. He clutches it with a groan, feeling your wetness dripping on it. Positioning his arm where you want it, you kneel with one hand on his shoulder and the other on the back of the couch for balance. Hovering above the toy, you whisper in his ear.

"Using you," and sink down as both of you let out simultaneous moans again. Loudly. "Touch me or yourself and we go straight to sleep."

He swears for the umpteenth time, the heat radiating from your cunt so close to his fingertips nearly drives him insane. With his eyesight restricted, he's able to focus on the slick sounds of you sliding up and down the dildo, praises of how good he's being right in his ear.

You giggle after a quick glance down at his crotch. He's hard as can be with a dark patch of pre-cum signifying where the tip of his cock is straining from its confinement in his jeans. Begging — just like him — to be released and in you. Right hand tensed, veins bulging all the way up to his neck where you place a kiss against one and he tries to squirm away with a throaty grunt.

"You're being such a good boy," you coo as you sink down just barely above his nails that are digging into the silicone, and then lift up so only a fraction of the toy is inside. "If you make me cum just like this, then you'll certainly get your reward."

Seungcheol gently wiggles the dildo, your hiss a sign that it's still in you before he slowly pushes upwards. Once he gets a better feel (because he knows your body very well — taking "knowing your body with his eyes closed to a new level"), the strength in his arms that you lack allows him to thrust it up in you just like all those years ago when he prepped you. Way too soon, you're seeing sparks and feeling the tingles that signify your rush to release.

Your face is buried in his neck, tongue sporadically licking at the marks you suck on it. A usual place you like to anchor yourself when you're coming undone. Meanwhile, your husband's biting his lip, hard enough to draw blood as he focuses on steeling himself from cumming untouched. Unsurprisingly, he does have incredible control but that doesn't mean it's easy.

You clamber into his lap as you catch your breath and come down from the high. Full weight leaning against his firm body although his hips can't help but buck up once he feels your wet warmth directly on top of his dick and he whimpers in need. Removing the makeshift blindfold reveals his brown eyes that are a bit dazed but he smiles lovingly at you, albeit sheepishly.

"Hey, you." You run a hand through his hair. "All good?"

"Besides feeling like I'm going to literally combust — yeah. All good."

A chaste kiss on his swollen lips quickly turns sultry and messy so you pause to slip your bathrobe off fully. Seungcheol whines in adoration, one hand groping at your ass. He lets you guide the other one under the band of your bra strap, the motion causing your tits to jiggle and he throws his head back.

"You're killing me."

"You'll survive," you tease. Your free hand slides under the waistband of your crotchless panties, snapping it against your skin for good effect. "You have to unwrap your birthday present first, don't you?"

"Only if it's you."

You hum in contemplation as he continues to fiddle with the bra strap but opts to appreciate the direct access to your nipples instead.

"I mean, there's more but I don't mind taking care of this first." Finally, you take out his leaking cock, easily slipping it inside your wet cunt. "Happy birthday, Cheol, I love you."

In a tangle of tongues and moans, he pants against your mouth. Whispering a multitude of adoring praises to you, the love of his life.

Best birthday gift ever.

Send me a NSFW headcanon and I’ll write a 5(ish) sentence ficlet about it 👀👅

#ez.creates #seungcheol smut #choi seungcheol smut #scoups smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #kpop smut #wooz1rice #Ty for sending smth so fun in btw hope u like it!#svt.smut

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ameliasbitvh · 2 years

Text

That's The Way The World Works ; R.J.L.

[ a/n ; 🧸 ] this was meant to be a smut fic but then I spiraled at 10 pm last night and didn't stop writing until 3 am and was like "fuck it, if I wrote this im going to post it too! 🙄" slightly based off of all too well (10 min vers.) by ms. taylor swift, praise our lord y'all! she's my religion 🙏 also the beginning was written like 5 months ago bc this was a wip i finished last night 💀

( library account ; 📚 ) @ameliasbitvhlibrary

[ pairing ; ☕ ] student!reader x professor!remus & reader x fred weasley! remus x tonks!

[ summary ; 📖 ] you and remus' rendezvous take a turn for the worse when he decides to be the adult for the two of you and call it quits. left heartbroken, only one man picked you up piece by piece and restored your faith that a man can stay, fred weasley. charming, sweet and kind, he won his way into your heart. as 3 years pass, your 21st birthday approaches, and remus with his pregnant wife come to visit. this leads to events in the night that he could only wish to reverse. (it's much more interesting and carries a heavier plot than what I summarized i swear 😍)

[ warning(s) ; 🚨 ] student!reader x professor!remus, large age gap [17 years], reader is 18!!! implied smut, teasing, sexual contents are mostly implied, not explicit, angst, drinking, remus going into self destruction and overthinking everything in his life, and talks about grooming *remus does not groom reader!!!*

[ wc ; ✍ ] 4.8k!!

You sat in his class, your thighs overlapping each other, your nails picking at one another, your gaze on them. The brunette man teaching noticed your lack of attention and cleared his throat, making your gaze move up to find his eyes on you.

They were firm and assertive, he opened his mouth to command you. “Ms. Y/l/n, please stay after class. We have some things we need to discuss.”

“But Re–Mr. Lupin, I have somewhere to be after class!” you argued, all eyes in the class on you as the students tried to pack up quickly. Suddenly, their eyes glued on to the clock about to strike noon.

“Where exactly is that said ‘somewhere’? And why is it so important to you?” he questioned, taking strides up to your desk. He came so close to you that you felt the air escaping your lungs, they were evaporating.

You opened your mouth to run it and answer him with your smart, but bratty mouth. But before you could get a word out, the bell rang and the students raced out of the classroom. With a sigh, you slumped into your chair even more.

Your arms crossed against your chest, teeth nibbling your lower lip as you waited for him to scold you. His eyes examined your frame for a brief but seemingly long time.

His strong arms were now placed in front of you, his tall figure leaning tightly against you. His breath, so hot you could feel it dancing on your skin. You inhaled a sharp breath.

“So…where were you supposed to be right now, sweetheart?”

You scowled at the nickname. Was he really trying to do this when you had to meet someone? “Are. I’m supposed to be there right now! I can’t just stand him up –”

His mouth inched even closer to the soft and tender skin of your neck. “Him? Who exactly is ‘him’?” The hairs on your body stood up, goosebumps traveled.

“I – Just a friend, the son of Molly and Arthur Weasley.”

He laughed, a not so light hearted chuckle escaping. “Godrick. Y/n, I asked who he is, not who his parents are.” Then you heard him mumble something under his breath, ”Could be any of those redheads, there are so many.”

“It’s just Freddie.” you sighed, your arms releasing from one another.

“Fred?” Merlin, he thought you were a smart girl because it was blatant that the redhead liked you. His blood turned cold, the thought of Fred and his pathetic schoolboy flirting flowed for a moment in his mind. He scowled internally and externally at the thought of it.

“C’mon, Remmie! He’s not that bad.” you frowned, frantically hoping that you’d make it to the library on time.

“Not that bad? Sweetheart, he’s like any other teenage boy. He only wants one thing.” The older man stated, as if it were true facts.

“Then you sure do act like one yourself, professor.” you scowled, pressing your books to your chest as you made your way to the doors.

“Y/n, get back here.” he demanded, his blood boiling in fury at the accusation you had just thrown at him. Instead of turning around and being his submissive, supposedly good girl. You ignored him and stomped out of the room, until you were met in the library by an anxious redhead. Rare to ever see Fred Weasley nervous?

“Hey, Fred! I’m so sorry, I’m a little bit. Professor Lupin made me stay back for a moment.” you smiled, placing your stuff on the table and taking a seat across from him.

“Oh, It’s fine Y/n!” Fred laughed, at your anxiousness. Just a couple of awkward teenagers. Fun?

“I know, but I didn’t want you to think that I left you here or –”

“Stood me up? Please, girls would kill to even talk to me.” he joked with a smirk on his face. A smirk that made your stomach tighten…but not in a bad way.

“Alright, Mr. Womanizer. Let’s see what you’re stupid enough to not comprehend in…mhm, herbology?” you laughed, eyes wide open when you saw the class he needed help in.

“Fred! Herbology has got to be one of the easiest classes we have here in Hogwarts!”

“Hey! Not everyone pays as much attention in that class as you do! Sorry I don’t find snapping sunflowers interesting?” he smiled, making you recreate the same expression on his face.

“We planted a seed in class yesterday? It was so simple!”

Smirking, a stupid smolder decorated his face as he said the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard in the history of stupid. “And I could plant a seed in you? We could grow a whole quidditch team, eh? It’s simple just like you said!”

“Fred!”

—

Remus sat in his chair as he thought about the comment you had blurted out before storming off. He knew very well, too well, of what you were talking about. Anytime he held you after class it was usually for sex. Being a teacher was stressful and he knew being in your last year here, it was just as stressful for you. But he didn’t think that you would even have an inkling that he was “using” you. Because he wasn’t.

He knew that the relationship he had with you would be frowned upon. He couldn’t put you through that shame. People saw an older man and younger woman in a relationship as taboo, essentially bad. He could lose his job because of this! Like Godrick they would depict him as a predator and her as a victim. But another part of him knows why they would, because if he were from the other point of view he could see why people would think that and be disgusted.

What if they were in his shoes? Would they understand why he kept going back, why he keeps you around, why he can’t stand the thought of you with anyone but him?

The answer wasn’t as simple as most would think. He can’t love someone as young as you, it wasn’t right. Right to you. You deserved a chance out in the world, a chance to discover yourself. You didn’t need to drag a man old enough to be your father with you. He couldn’t burden you like that.

You were such a smart girl, top of your year. The brightest witch he had ever met, yet you weren’t clever enough to stay away from him. The moment his hands crawled on your thighs after weeks of sexual tension suffocating the both of you, you should have pushed him away. You should have been repulsed. The tension shouldn’t have been there to start with. Goddamnit, he did this to himself. He had no one else to blame but himself.

You were only eighteen, how were you supposed to know if what he was giving you was real or not. And honestly at this point Remus didn’t know what he was giving you. He couldn’t decipher between his feelings and lust. You’re 35 damn years old, going for an 18 year old girl! Have some shame!

Self destruction Remus has been activated.

—

After the little meeting with Fred, anyone could see that you had an extra spring in your step, with an additional smile adorning your face. (a/n; feeling bad for remus rn tbh)

In those few moments with the redhead, you’d be lying if you said that Remus had slipped away from your mind. Everytime Fred got a little closer and your cheeks burned a little brighter, the man seemed to evaporate. But, It’s not like you should feel bad for that? Right?

Making your way to your common room, you muttered the password and went straight to your bedroom. Everyone was at dinner, thankfully, so that you could have some time to contemplate things that aren’t even big but now you were going to make them ginormous as the zit you had last week.

Lying on your bed, you took in a breath and sighed as reality challenged you. You knew that the feelings you had towards Remus were not reciprocated, you didn’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure it out. You were…too young. You knew that he thought that. You knew the moment you let him slip his fingers up your skirt, that it was all a fun game. A game that has lasted way too long now.

You and Remus didn’t have a label and whatnot, but you both had something. Well, that’s at least what you thought. You tried your hardest to resist him, every damn time but you can’t. He knows your body just as much as you know his. Throughout all the time spent together, it was like you studied him, his body, personality, hobbies, career, anything you could get your hands on really.

And your hands got on everything, staining everything about remus. From his classroom, to his bed sheets. You were everyfuckingwhere. No matter how hard he scrubs, he would never be able to get you out of his system.

You drowned him in your sea and he in return burned you. Complete opposites, yet know exactly where it hurts.

—

You were on your knees, your pretty mouth getting ready to take him as you started to unzip his pants. “Y/n, you know we can’t keep doing this.” he breathed in deeply as you looked at him with those big doe eyes. Confusion floods through them, as anger surged through your body, spreading like a wildfire.

“I – then why would you – Why would you even let me go this far? You want to say that as I’m on my damn knees about to suck your dick!”

“Look – I held you back to tell you that we should stop!”

“Really? Oh, Really? Then why would you lead me on like that! Tell me that I’ve been ‘bad’ and need to ‘make up for it’? Dammit, you could’ve just told me!” you shouted getting off your knees, humiliated and angry.

“I’m sorry I can’t control myself around you!” he barked, his veins popping out in fury.

“Than get a fucking grip, you’re 35 years old!”

“Tell me something I don’t know, Y/n! That’s exactly why we can’t keep doing this! I’m too old, I have a job, you need to grow up, find yourself, you can’t be dragging around a man old enough to be your father! It’s not right!”

“If it’s not right then why does it feel right! Merlin, if you knew it wasn’t why didn’t you push me away! Why didn’t you leave me alone? Why didn’t you treat me like another student? Why did I have to be treated like I was special when I’m not! Why!”

“You wanna know why? Because you! You walked into my damn life and made it hell, without you I wouldn’t be so fucking scared about losing my job, my reputation, every damn little thing. You drive me crazy, Y/n!

And you’re right, I should’ve pushed you away! I should’ve treated you as if you were just another student! But I can’t! Because you, you are special to me!

You’re intelligent, beautiful, caring, kind, Godrick if I went to school with you I’d be pining so hard! And it wouldn’t be wrong! But it is in this case! Just because of that I wish you were older, I wish this could work out, but it never will. That’s just not how the world works! But I wish it did because I –” before he could finish that sentence he stopped himself, he wouldn’t dare utter those 3 words to you. Sighing he finished, “Even if you don’t get it now, you will when you’re older.”

But you were shocked, what were you supposed to say? For once you were speechless. Tears streamed down your cheeks, your eyes puffy and vulnerable. Sniffling, you wiped your tears with your long sleeve. “I do get it, Remus.” He wanted nothing more in that moment but to pick you up and wipe your tears away, murmuring sweet words that’d drip from his mouth like honey.

“Goodbye…Professor.”

—

Flushed cheeks and puffy eyes, not something Fred always saw on your pretty face. He had been walking through the corridors trying to brainstorm some new ideas for a shop that both he and George wanted to open up as soon as they graduate. He hadn’t been paying much attention until he saw a glimpse of your hair pass him across the halls.

Suddenly his “instincts” kicked in and he ran up to you. “Hey, y/n/n. What’s wrong?”

Looking up at the tall redhead, you identified him as Fred. Sniffling really quick you put a smile on your face, “Nothing? How are you?”

“That’s not going to fool me, toots. Why are your pretty cheeks flushed and beautiful eyes –” he immediately stopped and wrapped an arm around you as you burst into tears.

Remus always said you had the most beautiful eyes.

“Who did this to you, I’ll rough them up?” he said sarcastically trying to joke but you knew he wasn’t. Fred would genuinely throw his hands if he had a chance to.

His hazel eyes widened when you wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed yourself closer to him, your tears staining his shoulder. “Thanks, but no one did anything.”

Well, obviously you weren’t going to tell Fred that Remus caused your breakdown and the redhead definitely would not be able to fight a professor.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked with such a…genuine caring tone, that made your heart melt. “No, I just wanna lay down on the ground and cry.” answering, pulling away from the crook of his neck and immediately returning to your old position.

“Here, how about you lay down in my room and cry instead? George and Lee are out on a double date?” he said in a light humorous voice.

All you did was shake your head yes and soon you were in Fred’s bed weeping about Remus in another man's arms.

( 3 years later )

You eventually moved on from Remus, your first almost everything. And there was one man who stood beside you for every step of the way, Fred Weasley. The kindest man you had ever met. A few months after the breakup you both graduated from Hogwarts and Fred did everything in his power to make you happy.

That’s all he ever wanted.

Piece by piece he restored your faith and taught you that a man can stay.

He and George opened up their joke shop and it was a great hit, kids and adults from everywhere had shown up to buy many of their numerous products. You couldn’t help but be happy for him.

Suddenly the friendship the both of you had, which was very much not strictly platonic became a relationship. A relationship that made you feel like you could fly! But you know what can? Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, new and improved chewing gum! Blow bubbles and fly high kids! (no this is not a sponsor because he’s your boyfriend, what do you mean?!)

Now that you two had been in a relationship for a while now, you wanted a sort of clean slate, which meant being completely honest with him. You allowed yourself to be 100% vulnerable, and exposed your truth to him: That you and Professor Remus were having a, well, affair in the 7th year.

To say the least, he was shocked. “You mean the same Remus Lupin that’s coming up to visit everyone at my mum’s tomorrow night!?”

Now it was your turn to go into shock, “Wait, what! Fred, shut up! Are you joking with me right now?”

“No, you shut up, Y/n! You’ve got to be the one joking with me! There is no way –”

“Why would I lie about that, Fred! I – Oh, my – Merlin!” grabbing your purse you softly smacked him with it. “Why didn’t you tell me he’s supposed to be coming over at your mum’s!”

“Because it was supposed to be a surprise for your birthday!” he said surrendering.

“What!? What!? My birthday! Why would he come to surprise me on my birthday? No! Fred, we were just supposed to go to dinner tomorrow!”

“I know! I know! But mum convinced him to come because she thought he was your favorite professor. I can see why now.” he mumbled the last sentence hostilely.

“Fred, you know you’re the only man I see.” you said, getting on his lap to straddle him on the bed. “Mhm, yeah, sure.”

“The only man I want.” you slowly placed a kiss on his lips, a kiss he couldn’t resist.

“Yeah? Prove it to me.”

—

“You sure you’re looking this good just for me, baby?” Fred smirked, his frame towering over yours as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“All for you Fred, and this?” you smiled innocently, lifting up your sun dress to expose the lacey lingerie hidden beneath it. “Got it just for you.” and bought it with his credit card…

“Fuck, don’t do this to me, Y/n. Don’t tease me like this.” he whined as his hands tried to sneak their way up your thighs. Right before he could reach your sex, you grabbed his hands and scolded him. “Tut, tut, tut, Fred. If you want me, you’re gonna have to earn it.”

Walking away, you accidentally dropped your chapstick. “Shit.” Fred groaned as you bent down to retrieve it, giving him a nice view of your ass.

“C’mon, sweetheart. We have reservations.” you smiled cheekily, but before you could pick yourself up he ran up behind you to give your ass a slap. A squeal left your lips as you cursed his name. “Fred!”

After having dinner with your lovely boyfriend, you both wanted so desperately to just fuck and then go to sleep but Molly had other plans for you two.

Fred had sent an owl to his mum, saying that he and you were not feeling good and too tired. And in response she sent a howler that the both of you had to come over. Sighing, “Bloody hell, there is no getting out of this? Is there?”

“Definitely not,” he responded.

Finally you both appeared at the entrance of the Weasley Burrow, and from the looks of it, it was dark inside. “Remember, act surprised and don’t let that old Lupin shake you up.”

Laughing at him, you cracked. “Oh, bugger off, Fred.”

Honestly you were so nervous that when everyone yelled “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” you screamed not out of happiness but anxiety.

“Oh my Merlin, thank you all so much! I can’t believe you guys remembered!” you smiled as you began hugging everyone and just as you found yourself wandering back to fred who was talking to ginny, Molly got her hands on you.

“My, Y/n! I can’t believe it, already 21! Growing up so fast, I can still remember seeing you in your first year!”

“I can’t either, time is going by so quickly! Hogwarts days are over and now it’s real life.”

“Oh, dear! Speaking of Hogwarts! Remus Lupin is here, your old dada teacher!”

“Yeah I figured that out when I saw –”

“Remus! Look who it is, the birthday girl. 21 already can you believe it?” Molly exclaimed with a hand on her hip.

The brunette's eyes widened, as he finally got a look of you properly. You looked different in a good way, more mature. “I can’t , I still remember her in 7th year in front of my class, she was always one of my favorite students. Always so dedicated.”

She was always one of my favorite students.

You swallowed the lump in your throat at that moment. “Ahh, so I’ll leave you two to it!”

You wanted to do nothing more but then to shout at her to come back.

Taking in a deep breath you sighed.

I guess I’ll have to speak first, as always the only one to initiate things. Remus thought as he mentally prepared himself for whatever you have to say. “So, how have you been?”

His question shocked you for a moment. Your eyes widened with such innocence, something he had always admired, even now.

“Pretty good, I went to a muggle college and earned a degree in psychology. I’m planning to become a therapist for people who have been in the wizarding war, because many have been left with physical, mental and emotional scars.”

Always so…generous, he thought.

“But, besides that; I moved in with Fred, my boyfriend.”

Well, that fucking hurt. Hearing you utter those words about someone felt like there were shards of glass in his heart. But he knew he shouldn’t feel this way. He’s got a damn wife, who’s pregnant.

“How about you?” your voice snapped him out of his daze. His throat became dry for a moment before he regained his strength. “I’m still teaching at Hogwarts, now for all years. I got married, and my wife is pregnant.” yeah, just give her a short recap, Remus! Storyteller of the year goes to…drum roll…Remus John Lupin!

It felt you were winded for a moment hearing all of that at once, well it was fairly short but held a lot. “Oh, wow…married with a kid coming? Is it a boy or a girl?”

“A boy, we plan on naming him Edward.” Remus awkwardly shifted. It’s weird talking to your old student that you had an affair with, yet no one knew.

“A boy? From what I’ve seen, heard and know, raising a boy is going to be a chaotic full time job. And Edward is a cute name, Teddy would be an adorable nickname.”

“Teddy?” He smiled.

“Yeah, Teddy. Like a little teddy bear, warm and cuddly.” you smiled back. Was it weird that 3 years later all your anger didn’t turn into resentment, but understanding? You now knew why he ended the relationship. It wasn't healthy for the both of you and he had to be the adult for two and make the big decision to call it quits.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Is your wife here?” you asked out of curiosity.

“Yeah, she’s probably with Ginny or Hermione right now.” Ginny or Hermione? If anything you would’ve thought that she would be with Molly?

“Really? I would’ve thought she was with Molly, since she is older and has more experience with children?”

How was Remus supposed to tell you that the woman he married only a year after you both called it quits was only 4 years older than you? “She gets along with the younger girls.”

She definitely learned that from you. Okay, so maybe there’s just a little bit of anger left inside you.

“Would it be weird if I met her?” you asked unsure, you didn’t want to cross a boundary. “Of course, you don’t need my permission.”

Soon he guided you to where Hermione and Ginny sat next to a young woman with purple hair and a baby bump. From visuals you were for sure the woman next to the two girls was his wife, Tonks.

“Hi, I’m Y/n.” you introduced yourself to her. She looked up at you quizzically for a moment and then her eyes widened in realization. “Oh my gosh, yes, Y/n! I’m sorry, this pregnancy is giving me memory loss. But happy 21st birthday!”

“Thank you so much! How’s your –”

“Nope, this isn’t about me! This is your day, not mine! How’s your day been?”

You smiled at her, you could understand why Remus went after someone like her. Yet when you came out here you were expecting a woman who looked like she was in her thirties, maybe she was a younger looking woman? Hey, genetics all work differently.

“It’s been great so far, my boyfriend made me breakfast, took me shopping, then we went to dinner and now we’re here.”

“You know Y/n, most people on their 21st birthday go wild on alcohol? I’m surprised to see you’re not blacked out right now.”

“Oh no, I’ve had my lessons with alcohol a few years ago and let’s say that’s how I confessed my feelings to Fred.” you said burning up remembering that embarrassing moment.

“No, Y/n! Have some fun, get loose, shake that bum because you’ve got a great one girl! I could see it from my seat earlier!” She laughed as she called Remus to get her Firewhiskey.

“For you? No –”

“Not for me, Y/n! It’s her 21st birthday, she needs to take shots!”

Suddenly Fred came up behind you and murmured in your ear, “Is everything good, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, Tonks just wants me to get loose because I’m finally 21.” you laughed.

“Don’t confess your love for me again – actually no, do it again. I’d love to get it framed in our photo gallery one day.”

“Keep on dreaming.”

“I got the firewhiskey and cups.” Remus announced when he got back.

“Okay, everyone sit in a circle and I’ll pour them since I can’t drink!”

Everyone gathered in a circle as tonks began to fill up the shot glasses but there was one specific cup for you.

After pouring yours, which – you were sure you were going to black out if you drank a third of it being the light weight you are. “There, that should be the equivalent of…21 shots!”

“21!” you exclaimed.

“Yep, now go!” she shouted and everyone started taking their shots as you gulped ferociously, finishing over half of it and everyone began to cheer. “Whoo!” you let out as you grabbed Fred’s hands and pulled him up to dance with you to the music playing on the radio.

“I’m not drunk enough, give me the bottle!” The purple haired woman gave him the bottle and he chugged at least half of it and started joining you as you both got “down” at his mum's house.

“Yes, Y/n! Shake that bum your mama gave you!” Tonks shouted as you started doing your thing, completely unaware of all the people because quite frankly drunk you don't give two shits.

As time went on you found yourself dancing with everyone, Merlin couldn’t even stop you, Hell even Molly herself couldn’t either.

Somehow you ended up in a corner of the house with Remus. “Oh my Merlin, I think this is the best birthday I’ve ever had! Ahh! I love your wife, she’s gonna be my new best friend!”

“Sweetheart, don’t bring her up right now.” Remus murmured as he let his fingers gently slip off one of your straps. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion of his words and actions. “Huh?”

“I missed you so much.” he said but fortunately for you, you weren’t able to hear him through all the music. Just as Ginny passed with a tray of shots you took three, two for you one for Remus.

Ginny had to pass drinks around if she wanted to stay down here, the girl would never be allowed to drink around her brothers.

“Here!” You shouted as you gave him a shot glass. Unfortunately you had no one to count for you because Tonks was fast asleep upstairs but not before casting a silencing charm on the house.

Quickly you downed your shots and suddenly your vision became even worse…Awesome! Somehow you found yourself dancing with Remus, in a totally platonic, I'm not mad at you anymore, your wife is awesome and I’m respecting boundaries way!

But I guess he wasn’t on the same wave length.

“I missed you, sweetheart.” he murmured in your ear, right before he latched onto your sweet spot behind your ear, which inevitably made you slip a moan out. His hands traveled from your waist to your inner thigh, leaving the same chills he always did.

His body guided you to a secluded storage room. Immediately he grabbed you and put you on himself, now you were straddling him. Soon his lips came and crashed on yours, knocking the wind out of you. In your drunken state you found yourself kissing back and grinding against him.

Except, you thought he was Fred…hey! The world had gone blurry and you thought only Fred would’ve pulled you into a dark storage room.

“Let me taste that pretty pussy one last time.” he growled against your lips.

“Yes, yes, please!”

“Please who?” he teased, his hands slipping your lace panties off as he slipped a finger into your sex.

“Please, Freddie!” suddenly all the alcohol in his system vanished.

“Shit! Shit! Fuck, I’m so sorry, Y/n.” Remus cried as he picked up your panties and slipped them back on you.

“Wha – Freddie, what are you doing! I want you so bad!” something Remus has been wanting to hear for years, except he wasn’t who you were calling for.

He knew from the moment they said goodbye, you’d taken a piece of him with you and he’d taken a piece of you with him.

That’s the way the world works.

hi!! i'm no longer doing the tag list system, so if you want to be notified of every new fic ; turn on notifications for my library account @ameliasbitvhlibrary <3

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