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#the last line i’d written at the time was so long and i got overwhelmed
bleachbleachbleach · 1 year
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2022/2023 Fandom Goals!
At the end of last year I set out to accomplish what then appeared to be achievable fandom goals for 2022. 
WERE THEY, THOUGH. WERE THEY. 
Let’s see:
2022 Goals (Review)
1. be more shameless on Tumblr - I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten at least a little better about this, though I guess it depends on the day. Posting things on the Internet causes me anguish, and I consider doing so an intentional conditioning process. All the same, I would still like to feel less anguish. But I also don’t want to be actively annoying or boring and simply be *unanguished* about it, LOL, and therein lies my hangup.
2. stop damning reblogs to Draft Purgatory - I have been very good about this this year! Browser tabs purgatory, on the other hand…
3. prioritize accessible joy - This one was about not abandoning Tumblr for months at a time, and I feel like I’ve actually improved here and merely abandoning Tumblr for 1-2 weeks at a time. One thing that was way more helpful than it had any business being was making a special "mini dash" that just has blogs that primarily post original Bleach content and/or mutuals who are friends, so that if I get overwhelmed I can jump ship and use that dash for a while instead, and still get to see a lot of my favorite things. I say this like my normal dash isn’t mostly Bleach and like I follow a zillion active blogs. I do not. That’s why it’s ridiculous that my mini dash is as great for me as it is. XD 
4. finish reading the Soul Society arc - I am on… Chapter 68 LOL, and Ichigo has not yet so much as entered Soul Society. Making progress on this re-read is challenging because there are a lot of ways to enjoy Bleach and this reread is the only one that’s not a moving target—the manga’s not going anywhere; I’m not going to 'fall behind' if I don’t read it—and I have a regrettably limited amount of Bleach time. But I think I’ve become more confident in my reading/ability to search stackexchange and read about grammar, so I am still enjoying this!
5. write my fanfic - I wish I had done more of this, but this was a Year—a huge number of moving pieces IRL. I think last year I had written like… 10k of this fanfic? And now I have probably 20-30k, and most of that original 10k got scrapped. This fic has done a lot of shape-taking this year, which is very good. I had these grand plans of finishing two full chapters (Akon and Matsumoto 5) by the end of the year, which I have modified to finishing one chapter. I have *one scene left* but I think it’s probably in the Top 5 of Scenes in This Fic That I Already Know Are Going to be Hard to Write, and I’ve already written and deleted it once. There were so many bugs in the deleted version, so many bugs for absolutely no reason. I don’t know what the scene will ultimately look like, but I can assure you you’d never guess what scene used to Have Bugs, because there is so little reason there should have been bugs.
2023 Goals
1. Write my fanfic! For the sake of SMART goals, let’s say at least 1 line per day, every single day. Come March I will have been writing this for two years and WHAT do I have to show for it.
2. No more tabs purgatory! I don’t know how obvious B3’s posting habits are to others—but for my part of the equation, I tend to be That Person who reblogs 15 long textposts and adds 90 tags to everything, all the span of the same 2-hour block. I don’t think this is actually a good way of using Tumblr and I’d prefer to… not do that. XP And to find ways of being more with the flow of the dash. 
This is mostly me needing to carve out better interstitial space for fun time, because I want this for my own pleasure and I also because I want the OP to know how VERY EXCITED I AM TO SEE IT and tabs purgatory feels like the opposite of being able to do that. SMART goal? Uhhh don’t let tabs languish for more than a week?
3. Make space for fandom, and for fandom things that give me most joy. Again, this is part of a broader life assessment that in a better world would boil down to "working less" but in this world is not accessible if I want to continue being employed. So I’ll settle for being extremely intentional about how I spend my free time, and by consciously thinking about ways to create the kinds of interactions I most enjoy. That sounds very cerebral but I promise I just mean things like "that meme where I asked people to send in random stuff they loved about their Bleach faves was super fun I should do that again sometime" and "try to make friends" and "talk about fanfic with people” and “make progress on that bleach reread occasionally.”
4. Be more shameless on Tumblr. YEAH I have no strategies here, but I’m gonna keep this one on the list.
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erikanism · 10 months
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4 years later . .
hi tumblr! it’s nice to be here again~
actually almost every day i’m here to read fanfics haha. anyway, it’s been a long while, a long four years since i’ve last written here! a lot of things have changed obviously, if not all. having read my past entries, it may be all summarized into two words -- mentally ill haha. i clearly remember how it felt, how it hurt, how it was empty but very overwhelming. it was a phase i would never want to go back again.
i was diagnosed with depression three years ago, in 2020. i gathered up the courage to talk to a psychiatrist but once i diagnosed i kinda ghosted my doctor. i never talked to a psychiatrist again ever since, and i never planned to again, not until about a month ago.
to save you some time, yes, it did get better. everything went better for me. is this surprising? to me, it really is. one major concern that i was writing about four years ago was college. having been raised in a family full of UP graduates, i was expected to be one also, and four-year-ago me never believed i could. another was my parents. i couldn’t survive living with them -- i couldn’t survive them at all. next, well, my harasser haha. and another was just full of suicidal thoughts.
all lo and behold, i am in UP now. believe it or not, i’ve just actually submitted my thesis topic proposals to my thesis adviser a few hours ago. yes, thesis! i’m more than three years in with this college shit, with an unbelievably above bare minimum cumulative gpa. crazy, right? and i couldn’t even get a line of 8 in my math subject when i was in elementary. 
my parents are, well, better. but, you know.
let’s unpack what i’ve written before.
i want to take my time with my friends without worrying about their scolding afterwards. i want to study my readings without worrying about their satisfaction on my grades. i want to take a philosophy course. i want to be an activist. i want to write. i want to have a tattoo. i want to have a septum piercing. i want to wear black outfits.
all that i’ve (thankfully) experienced already. almost four times a week i get home late at midnight from hanging out with friends. everyday i study my readings without worrying about my grades. i’m able to attend rallies. i’m writing (now haha). i do have a tattoo already. i have a very sexy septum piercing. and there’s literally not a day i don’t wear black
except one. i’m not majoring in philosophy. and for the past three years i think about it everyday. but it’s not worth hyperfixating on that yeah?
i acknowledge that everything got better to me. this is a phase that i never ever imagined i’d be going through. i experienced maximum level of happiness at times. and i’m surrounded with people who make me want to keep going everyday. i’m given responsibilities i never expected i could handle, and i receive bigger and bigger blessings everyday.
it is worth noting, however, that i also acknowledge having the same mental illness(es), haha. is this something to be sad about? perhaps yes, but not all the time. these four years taught me that this is really sickness. being depressed is not something we could cover up with “time will heal”, as i thought it would. continuously i believed that i’m completely okay. because i was laughing everyday, because i had all the reasons to smile everyday, and because i wasn’t sad anymore -- i couldn’t understand why there were still days that i couldn’t get up, that i couldn’t sleep, that waking up and functioning for the day were the hardest, hardest part. for the past four years, it took me time to realize.
i think the hardest thing about this, is that i never planned on living this long. i’m scared of graduating because i never thought i would. i’m scared of having to maneuver my own career path because i never thought i would. i completely thought i would kill myself, and i was always so sure, now i don’t know what to do.
i have goals, finally. i do want to graduate. i do want to maneuver my own career path. i want to experience touching my first designer bag for the first time. i want to book monthly appointments to maintain a sexy eyelash extension. i want my own apartment some day.
but having to do that everyday, having to wake up and get up for the day. i don’t often see the light to go through the process. i don’t think i can explain this properly. i know this feeling all too well. for years, most days, this is exactly how i feel. at times i don’t, which i consider the lucky days, but how do i actually work on having lucky days every day?
i know the answer is therapy. and i hope i’ll get there soon.
will get back to you when i finally get a job, i guess.
thank you for keeping me alive,
liwayway
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lochrannn · 1 year
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AO3 wrapped! 1, 3, 12, 20, 29. And 9. ;)
Thanks for playing along! xx
How many words have you written this year?
Just over 114k. Less than last year, but still nothing to sniff at XD
3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?
That's a really hard question. Today, because something reminded me of it, I reread Sun, and Moon, and Stars decay, my Space AU. It's the longest fic I've written (by fic standards it's still not very long) and I think I did the best job of plotting, putting together an actual story with an arc and I liked how I assembled it and the different persepctives I've brought in.
But I've honestly got to give an honorary mention of Try a little Tenderness (which closed out my year long post-s2 series), Babe, I'm fistfighting with fire (the one that did actually get the most kudos), and Down to the River (a look at Lila struggling with being a mum, mostly because she's being too hard on herself).
12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?
7 or 8, I have a very untidy system and can't properly work that out XD
20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?
eh, I will admit I probably reread the smut the most, cause like, what can I say, I write what I find hot. But when I say the most, I don't think I've read any of my fics more than three times. Babe, I'm fistfighting with fire I read a couple of times, because I wrote it to go with canon, and I do really quite enjoy that one. (Please remember I got into this nonsense because there wasn't enough D/L fic, so this is less about ego and a lot more about the fact, that I have written so many of the fics that are out there)
9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?
You are hilarious! XD I've got to say, probably Klave XP*
29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? (answering this here so I can put in a read more)
From The night me and your mama met
They stay like this for a while, tightly pressed against each other, arms clinging to one another, and breathing the same air.
Diego’s the first to break the silence, but, Lila notes, he doesn’t open his eyes.
“Do you really want another baby?”
Lila loops her arms around his neck, to give herself a moment to think. And just because she wants to.
She hadn’t really meant anything by it, but now that she’s actually considering it—
“Yeah, I think so. Don’t you?”
“I’ll have as many children with you as you want.”
“Is that supposed to be a yes?”
“I have five brothers and a sister, Lila. I can’t even imagine what being an only child would be like, so yeah, I’d love to have more. With you!”
“I’m not having six more children, Diego,” Lila says indignantly. It’s easier to pretend to be annoyed with him right now than acknowledge the flutter in her chest that’s almost making her feel a bit dizzy. She’s never actively thought about deliberately getting pregnant.
She can’t fathom how strong the sudden and overwhelming feeling of want is.
Diego seems to recognise her sudden excitement and flutter of nerves. He sobers a little, gives her a soft smile, and gently strokes his hand over her hair at the side of her head, cupping her face.
“How about we start with one then, huh?”
And he doesn’t let her answer, instead leans in and kisses her apprehensions away.
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bushido-jack · 2 years
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Hello everyone! It’s been, uh, a while! Much longer than I initially said my hiatus would be! My god, SO much longer. A LOT of stuff has happened in the 9 months I’ve been away, and a few have been potentially life changing. Content warning, this post will talk about COVID and mention a death in the family. Don’t read if this is content that upsets you.
TLDR; I’ve had quite a few significant life complications that have taken precedence and prevented me from engaging in my hobbies, and maintaining this blog, and while I can’t promise consistent activity from now on, I am determined to break the hiatus and get back on here to write! After all, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy! (Of course, Jack could never be the dull one around here but Sharkie very much was. I know this joke isn’t funny just let me get it out) I’ve even commissioned a promo along with some fresh new icons that will be coming soon to kickstart my break from hiatus and into some semi-regular activity!
So first off, right around the time I made my last few posts, I got COVID a second time, and this time it really messed me up. It has left me even more disabled physically AND mentally, and my stamina in both is nothing short of abysmal. I got severe long COVID that I’m still battling with, and it made functioning in any way a monumental task. I’m almost positive I have some minor brain damage. My already bad lungs and chronic pain got worse, my mental health dipped extremely badly (I developed some new OCD rituals that have made typing a nightmare unfortunately) and I was trying to survive all of this while keeping a job that was extremely physically demanding. I’d already had to quit a previous one due to my disability and a lack of understanding that pushed me much too hard, and I really wanted to keep this one because I actually had training and a certificate in that line of work. Unfortunately I was forced to quit my second as well due to my stamina being severely reduced by COVID making it so that I could no longer handle a day of work without at least two days of recovery, as well as long term damage to my body from work itself that I was not comfortable with continuing to sacrifice for my paycheck. (most significant and the ones that have affected my return to writing have been significant tinnitus, carpal tunnel and tendinitis, lung damage, and even more brain fog, this time due to fatigue and constant sensory overload). Not long after I recovered from COVID the second time, my Uncle also got COVID and unfortunately passed away. It was sudden and traumatic and for a good while all of my emotional energy was spent with my family and trying to help my aunt who suffered a severe emotional break from the event. And during all of this, ever since the day I made my hiatus post, I have been struggling with some severe burnout in pretty much every category imaginable. I have been dealing with severe autistic burnout which has affected me since December and made recovery that much more difficult, as well as creative burnout that has prevented me from drawing or writing much since even before last December. That burnout plus the overwhelming exhaustion from overwork and physical and mental health issues has made it so I have barely drawn anything in over a year, and I haven’t written consistently for around a year. Along with those challenges, I haven’t had much time to engage in my hobbies as I’ve been working towards independent living, which as a disabled person is a nightmare of an obstacle coarse. In some ways this effort has necessitated my hiatus as well as the overwork I’ve done to myself in order to have enough credit and money to become independent legally. I’ve gotten pretty far, but until I’ve got everything in order I may still be struggling on finding a consistent and healthy work and hobby balance. But that’s where something came to help refresh my creativity a little bit. I got a new muse, funnily enough connected to Samurai Jack! I started checking out Lupin the Third while I was going down the rabbit hole of influences and references that appeared in the Samurai Jack show (and also trying to research the existence of the Japanese dub for Samurai Jack) and got hooked on the treasure trove of an animation history foundation block it is. As someone interested in pursuing a career in animation and loves old cartoons (shocking.) I was drawn into the old 60-70s originated show like a moth to a flame. Soon after watching a bit I found a great muse to help me recover from burnout without abandoning Jack, and in fact supporting him due to the fact that there are clear inspirations and references within Samurai Jack to Goemon Ishikawa XIII. While I allowed Jack’s muse to rest so as not to push him to the point where I didn’t enjoy it anymore, I decided to switch over to him for a while. By now I have reached a point where I’m in a place to bring back Jack and rp them both, and I may even do crossovers with them! Thankfully not everything personal has been gloomy: in a purely positive update, I dyed my hair pastel lavender like I’ve wanted to do since I was in middle school! This is something that’s helped lift my spirits a lot so I thought I’d share. If I ever do a mun day I may share, my entire face not included.
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erommorg · 2 years
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Pierce the veil concert tickets
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PIERCE THE VEIL CONCERT TICKETS CRACK
The returning Pierce The Veil will be “debuting some new material” and “playing some old songs that we can all sing together at the top of our lungs” in December.Ĭollide with the Sky is the third full-length studio album from American post-hardcore band Pierce the Veil, released on July 17, 2012. Pierce The Veil announce first UK tour in six years Pierce the Veil Announce December 2022 UK Tourīeloved San Diego band Pierce the Veil will make their long-awaited return to the road later this year. The band has announced a run of UK dates, taking place this December. I met an amazing a guy, got water poured over me by a security guard,I had to fight for a water bottle and I got confetti in places confetti shouldn’t be.Pierce The Veil, I Prevail, The Story So Far, Dance Gavin Dance, The All American Rejects, Boys Like Girls, Car Seat Headrest, Sleeping With Sirens, Knocked Loose, JXDN, Avril Lavigne, Motionless. The song hits close to home with me and I was telling myself not to cry and I didn’t until the bridge of the song was played where everything went silent and it was just vic singing ‘if I Where you I’d put that away see you’re just wasted and thinking about the past again, darling you’ll be okay…’ and that set off the waterworks. She would sit there for hours and no one not even her parents would notice she was missing. Now the song was written about vics (lead vocalist) friend who sadly killed her self, it’s about her story and how she’d sit up up in a tree in her back yard to see if anyone would notice she was missing.
PIERCE THE VEIL CONCERT TICKETS CRACK
Then they decided to crack out the tear jerking song that is hold onto may. Pierce the veil played a bunch of new and old songs including my favourites Floral and Fading and bulletproof love. And to just see the band that’s helped me out of my dark times stood metres away was overwhelming. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever gone to a concert especially to a concert of an artists you admire a lot, you get this feeling of realisation when the artists come out onto the stage and you’re stold their awe stricken with realisation of they’re right in front of me dawning over you. Then the whole crowd started chanting “f*ck Donald trump!”įinally the main act came on, pierce the veil. The lead singer gave this amazing speech about feminism and treating woman right, he also gave a speech about Donald trump and how they do not agree with building walls and racist behaviour. Although I didn’t know any of their songs they Where such a good band live and they had amazing stage prescence. Then the next support acts, the one that confused me the most was let live. The first support act came one which was a band called the creepers, I only knew one song of theirs but they where pretty Fucking good. We some how, despite being right at the back of the line got to the barrier at the left side of the stage. We stood in line for an hour and half before finally going into the venue which was smaller then I thought, the capacity was 2,600 people and there was only a tiny seating area. We luckily saw the car pull round the corner so we got Esme to run after it and we finally got the tickets. Now the car could be anywhere and we didn’t have our tickets so we where in this unknown city on our own with no clue what to do. The traffic in Manchester City was so busy once we where near Manchester university we just jumped out of the car in the middle of the busy road as just started walking to the university, we where nearly there when we realised, we left the tickets in the car. We left at 2 in the afternoon and the whole car journey,which normally takes 2 hours, was spent in heavy traffic and us all gawking at this beautiful Nissan GT-R. Hey, so last night me and my two best friends, Esme and Amy, went to Manchester to see one of our favourite bands live, Pierce the
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Currently Reading...
Arcanum Unbounded - Brandon Sanderson
The Emperor's Soul
It took me a little while to get into this one, mostly because although I was fairly certain it was set on the same world as Elantris, it has been so long since I actually read Elantris, that I don’t actually remember much about it at all. One to re-read next year. So I wasn’t sure if I was meant to know anything about the magic system or culture, and it took me a while to figure out that it was all new and I wasn’t missing things based on my poor memory. Once I got into it, however, I really enjoyed it. I loved the way it was written, almost like diary entries, leading up to a deadline. I found the ending a little flat, though. Although it was nicely resolved, I’d have liked a little more? I wanted to see more of the Emperor, or have him become a character? I didn’t want the building of the soul to be the entire story.
The Hope of Elantris 
Yeah, remember that thing where I can’t remember anything about Elantris? That, but like, times twenty. I did not remember any of these characters, or any of the plot, or what a seon was. Honestly, it’s been a decade since I read this book, and other than the two main characters and the major plot points, this book has faded away completely. It took me to nearly the end of this novella to figure out just when this was meant to be set, and who the hell everyone was. It was a really nice, sweet story, and it even made me a little teary at the end, and I think I would have seriously enjoyed it - if I had any clue what was going on. I really should have re-read Elantris before reading this one.
The Eleventh Metal
I really liked this one, and even though it’s been ages since last reading them, I’ve read the Mistborn trilogy enough times that I remember them really well. This one was written so you don’t actually have to have read the books to understand the novella as well, so it was easy to get into. I enjoyed seeing Kelsier’s backstory, he’s such a great character and I wish we’d got to see more of him in the trilogy. As with all Sanderson novellas, I’d have liked more. We got glimpses of Gemmel that could definitely have been expanded on: his past and his madness and his motives. I’d like a story about him, and I’d like a continuation of this leading all the way up to Kelsier's return to Luthadel.
Allomancer Jak and the Pits of Eltania
This one was fun, but pointless. The annotations by Handerwym were the best part, and I would have found this a fun little addition if it were actually printed as a faux newspaper serial between chapters of books, or something along those lines. As it was, this was probably not worth reading.
I’ve already read A Secret History, so I’m going to skip this one, although I might reread it when I do my Mistborn Era 2 re-read.
White Sand 
(This is an excerpt from his graphic novel, followed by the short story that inspired it)
So, the thing is - I hate graphic novels. I just can’t keep focus while reading them, so it took a supreme amount of effort even finishing those few pages. I was tempted to skip them, but I thought maybe they’d be important in understanding the novella that followed.
I needn’t have worried, it was just the exact same story, but in novella form, and I enjoyed it less having already read what was essentially a summary.  But the story itself was brilliant, and if it weren’t continued in graphic novel form, I’d read it immediately. If it were an actual book, I think I’d love White Sand. As it’s a graphic novel, I’ll have to pass. I’m gutted, I really want this as a novel.
And it’s around this point that I’m feeling a desperate, crushing and overwhelming desire to just abandon all of my new and/or unread books, and re-read the All for the Game trilogy, and then probably re-read it again. But if I do that, I won’t read anything new for the rest of the year. So we push on.
Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell
This was one of my favourites, simply because it was so different! It was so un-Sanderson-like. It was just like, a normal ghost story! Shades of the dead, destroying the living, the dark of the forest, the dark of the night. I really enjoyed how un-Cosmere it seemed, which I know is odd considering I’m reading a book of Cosmere stories. But this was just the spirits of the dead haunting and killing the living - it could have been in any fantasy or horror setting on any world. It’s nice to read something without vengeful gods and impending apocalypses occasionally.
Sixth of the Dusk
And speaking of impending apocalypses. I loved this one too! Dusk was an amazing character, and I’d have loved an entire novel about him. It was very ‘Tarzan and Jane’, although a less extreme version. I loved the world building, and how much thought had gone into this fictional culture, all for such a short story. I loved the decisive ending, although it definitely leaves me wanting the rest of the story. 
Also, he mentioned in the notes that in the first draft he originally referred to the main character as “Sixth” but people found it too confusing, so he changed it to “Dusk”. But I think it’s the other way around, I found Dusk a bit confusing whenever it could be mistaken for the time of day if it hadn’t been capitalised, but would have completely accepted Sixth as a first name.
Edgedancer
Look. I just really hate Lift, okay?
And if I’m being brutally honest, Stormlight, which was initially my absolute favourite of the Cosmere stories, has just gotten a bit… much. It’s so intense, and there’s so much going on, that I just can’t keep track of it all, especially the things that don’t make sense yet. By the time they do make sense, I’ll have forgotten most of them anyway.
I love the Kholin family, and Kaladin, and Bridge Four. I liked the Shattered Plains and the war camps and the politics between the Highprinces. I’m not into the Heralds and the voidspren and the Fused. And I really, really don’t like Lift. She’s just a really annoying character. And Wyndle is the most annoying of all the spren so far.
So I guess the conclusion I've come to is that I prefer Brandon's standalones or shortish series to the longer 'epic' series. The longer a story goes on, the less I like it. The completely new stories in this book - Shadows for Silence, Sixth of the Dusk - were the ones I enjoyed most. The ones based on standalones, or the original Mistborn trilogy, I still enjoyed. The ones based on his longer series (Stormlight, Mistborn Era 2) were the ones I didn't like.
Once the first Stormlight Era is finished, I might go back and read Way of Kings Prime. It's apparently very different, but self-contained, so I'll be interested to see if I actually prefer it. Because The Way of Kings was my absolute favourite, I just didn't like how it progressed in later books. I might not even read Era 2?
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peachcitt · 4 years
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last line tag game
rules: share the last line you wrote and tag the same number of people as there are words in that sentence
thanks for tagging me @deinde-prandium !! ily
mine is from an mlb one shot im working on (that i hope to be finished in the next couple of days!!) the line is: She was going insane.
i tag: @e-milieeee @jattendschaton @chatnoirinette @pastisregret
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floralseokjin · 3 years
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⤑ made-up love song x (m).
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Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher, never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago, and you’re unable to remember the last time you dated. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire. 
Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…
pairing; kim seokjin x reader   au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, romance, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, romance, happy ending, jin has stubble lmao, smut; morning sex, oral sex (f receiving), soft sex, spooning, jin has a thing for boobs this saturday morn, everything gets so fluffy  words; 6,243
↪︎ chapter index
chapters; i • ii • iii  • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue (+ drabbles)
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When you heard the doorbell ring twenty-five minutes later you were up off the sofa in seconds, heart thrumming against your ribcage as you rushed towards the entryway, a nervous kind of excitement flurrying inside your stomach. Yanking the door open, you were unable to keep the smile from your face as you saw Seokjin stood in front of you. He was dressed in sweatpants and a baggy white t-shirt which was slightly creased. His hair must have been freshly washed, soft and fluffy on top of his head, but it looked like he hadn’t shaved in a while, hints of stubble growing along his upper lip and along his jawline. 
“Hi.” You were grinning by now. 
“Hi,” he murmured softly, stepping forward. Immediately you found yourself in his embrace, the familiar scent of his laundry detergent welcoming. You wrapped your arms around his middle, pressing the side of your face to his chest. You felt still, relaxed for the first time in days. 
Kissing the top of your head as he pulled away, he took your hands and let out a small chuckle. “I was halfway here when I realised I still had my slippers on.” 
You looked down at his feet, giggling as you spotted the blue slip ons. Linking your fingers with his, you gently tugged him forward. “Do you want head to the living room?”
He nodded, letting you lead the way, and you paused by the kitchen, turning back. “Want something to drink?”
“Water, if it isn’t any trouble.” He asked. Classic Seokjin, you thought to yourself, leaving him to sit, too polite for no reason. When you came back, handing him the drinking glass he smiled and said his thanks. You sat next to him watching him take a sip and lean over to place the glass on the coffee table. You didn’t know where to start, you had so much to say, but it seemed like he had been thinking his piece over in the car ride here. 
Exhaling, he turned to you with a serious expression. “Just before you say what you need to, I want to apologise.” He paused, seeing if you would let him continue, when you didn’t object he reached for your hand. “I’m really sorry for the way I acted Sunday. It was unacceptable and I’m really embarrassed you had to see me like that.” He sighed then, “I was just so... I was so mad that Nana turned up and spoke to you like she did. I let all my frustrations regarding Arin take over too.” He was staring you straight in the eyes, eager to make you see how sincere he was. “I never meant to compare you both and I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” 
“Everyone gets angry, Seokjin. Don’t feel embarrassed because of that,” you told him. “It was just jarring to see. Plus it was all so overwhelming.” He nodded in understanding and you smiled and squeezed his hand. “I appreciate your apology regarding the comparisons though.” What was done was done, but he sounded regretful. “Have you spoken to Nana since?” 
“Yeah,” he murmured, averting his gaze for a split second. He sounded remorseful. “I saw her yesterday afternoon. She wanted to be with Arin this weekend so I finished work early and drove her there. Nana…” He stopped himself and started again. “I know why she was so hurt over everything. We talked it out a little. Barely touched the surface but things are headed in the right direction. I apologised to her.” 
“That’s good to hear,” you said. There was no good only apologising to you. Nana deserved an apology just as much, maybe even more. You were glad they’d managed to be civil and you hoped it was a step in the right direction. 
“I know Arin missed school but I called Principal Jung.” Seokjin was eager to explain himself. “I didn’t go into details of course, but he said it was okay.” 
“That’s fine,” you chuckled quietly. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. It was only one day.” How cute. You didn’t take your job that seriously. At least the mystery was solved though. You had stressed over nothing. He wanted nothing more than for Arin to see her mother, regardless of what his relationship with Nana was like. This extra weekend together meant a lot to not only Arin and Nana, but him too. Harsh words had been shared in frustration and anger, but he hadn’t lost sight of what mattered the most – his daughter. 
“I’m glad you talked to Nana,” you smiled, unsure how to voice all your thoughts. What mattered was he’d seen the error of his ways, and hopefully Nana had too. 
He nodded sternly. “I was out of order that day.” 
You grew serious too, hesitating before you said his name. You knew you had to ask him, knew you had to have this conversation, but it didn’t stop you from feeling slightly afraid. “Seokjin, why didn’t you tell her about us?” 
He closed his eyes briefly, shame written all over his face, and he let go of your hand to run a hand through his hair. It draped across his forehead instantly. “I made a mistake.” He was looking straight into your eyes again, chocolate irises pooling with genuine regret. “At first I didn’t know what would happen between us. It was all brand new for me – for you. Letting Nana know was the last thing on my mind, but as things got more serious, I just…” He faltered, gaze falling to his lap. “I didn’t want to burst the bubble. I was so happy. I didn’t want anything to potentially ruin it. 
“It was stupid, considering Arin could tell her at any moment. I just wasn’t thinking, I was being selfish. I understand why Nana was so hurt. I would feel the same if I found out Arin had been spending time with a man I didn’t know.” He exhaled deeply. “I took it all to heart because deep down I knew I’d done wrong.” 
You appreciated his honesty. “We were definitely in a bubble. I never even thought to ask if you’d let her know. I –”
“It’s not your fault.” He was quick to tell you. “It was my responsibility and I didn’t want to do it. I regret it now and I’ve told her that. I’m sorry to you too, it wasn’t my intention to keep you a secret.” 
You were quiet then, unsure what to say. You still had questions, still had things you needed to understand and as if he read your mind, he placed a gentle hand on your knee, tilting his head to watch you. “Y/N, is there anything else you want to know?” 
Your fingers picked at your pyjama pants, heart beating rapidly. There was one important thing you needed the answer to, it was a dumb question, you were nearly positive, but yet you knew you needed to ask it. 
“Anything you want to ask, I’ll be 100% honest with you.” He gently nudged, sensing your reluctance. 
“T-this may seem stupid,” you began, finding courage. He was Seokjin, your Seokjin, he wouldn’t judge you. However, you hoped what you had to say wouldn’t hurt him. He waited patiently for you to continue. You held his gaze. “You’re not just looking for a mother figure for Arin, are you?”
His forehead crinkled in confusion, his hand leaving your knee as he processed your words. “What do you mean?”
You felt a wave of panic. “I know it sounds stupid, but I just need to know if you like me for me.”
He watched you carefully, brow line now creasing in concern. “Of course I like you for you.” And then he took your hand, lacing his warm fingers between yours. You could see the concentration on his face as he tried to find a way to word his thoughts. “I’m not looking for a mother figure, I never was. Yes, I’d love it if Arin saw her mother every day, but I’m not trying to recreate it elsewhere. I was wrong to compare you both. Nana loves Arin, I know that, she’s trying her best, and you’re…,” he took a breath, “I would never expect you to take on all that responsibility. You’re my girlfriend, I would never intentionally put all that pressure on to you.
“Y/N, I’m Arin’s father,” he continued when you didn’t reply. “She means the world to me, so knowing that she adores you makes me happy, as does knowing you adore her. I always thought dating in my position would be really hard – that’s why I never did it. Having to trust someone that much to potentially let them into my daughter’s life, that was such a frightening thought. But it wasn’t with you.” His eyes were wide, pleading as he tried to make you see. As he spoke he used his other hand to cup the side of your face, you softened into his touch. 
“There were other worries too,” he continued to confess. “I thought nobody would want a divorced dad as a boyfriend. It’s fine, I understand it’s not everyone’s ideal, but with you it was never a problem. You accepted me and what my life involved and I’m not going to lie, that made me fall for you even harder but I wasn’t using you because I wanted some sort of permanent mother figure in Arin’s life. That’s absurd and it makes me really sad to know I potentially made you feel that way.” 
Your chest felt lighter hearing those words. Nothing like the tight, anxious mess you had felt all week. It was good to know your worst fears weren’t true. Your doubts, even though valid, hadn’t been needed. You believed every word he said. 
He lowered his hand from your face, sensing you were about to speak, and instead clutched the hands laced together in your lap. “Hearing those things you said to Nana, it made me… It overwhelmed me. Made me think that you’d been expecting too much of me this whole time, or like maybe you’d been searching for something I had no clue about.” You admitted.
You hadn’t liked being used as a weapon. It had made you feel horrifically guilty. You told him just as much, being as frank as you possibly could because he needed to hear it. 
“I understand,” he nodded. “I promise I’ll never do it again. All I can give you is my word.” 
“And I’ll believe it.” You told him, needing him to know something else as well. “Seokjin, I really do care about Arin. I’m beyond touched that she’s accepted me into her life but my place will always be different.” 
Seokjin frowned at that. “You are still an amazing person in her life though. She’s become so much happier these past few months and I can’t deny it and say that’s not partially down to you, even if it’s just a fraction of the reason.” 
You opened your mouth to disagree with him, he was being too nice, giving you too much credit, but he wasn’t having any of it. “No, Y/N. You need to hear these things. You make Arin happy too, and I think that’s a beautiful thing.” He felt you relax, smiling when he noticed you do the same. “I fell for you because of many reasons, and yes, one of them was because of how you treat Arin, but it’s not the only one.” His voice was soft as he began to make a list. You couldn’t help but giggle. “You’re sweet, caring, funny, beautiful – inside and out.” 
“You’re a real charmer, hm,” you teased.
He chuckled, but grew serious once again, giving your hand a squeeze. “You could have anybody but you chose me, the man whose life is overtaken by work and is struggling to be an OK dad.” 
“Seokjin, you’re an amazing father,” you scoffed. If he expected you to listen then he needed to as well. “You work so hard and you’re constantly exhausted but that doesn’t stop you from being one of the best fathers I know. You need to give yourself more credit.” 
“Thanks,” he said, plump lips tugging up into a half-smile. You really wanted to kiss him, it had been long enough, so you leaned forward, pressing your mouth to his. Gentle and chaste. When you pulled back he was smiling harder. You couldn’t help but join him. 
One of his hands lifted, weaving into your hair as he brought your face to his chest, the hand holding yours letting go so he could wrap his arm around your middle, holding you to him. You were both silent, content for a moment as you listened to his heart beat steadily. It comforted you, let you know that everything was okay. 
“I’m sorry if I put pressure on you,” he murmured, chin resting against your hair. “It’s just when the three of us are together it feels so right. It feels natural and I love that.” 
“I love it too,” you agreed, your face still pressed into his chest, your palm too. “But Nana is her mother and I don’t ever want to take her place.” You paused, slowly pulling away to look at him. “I want to make my own place. And I don’t know if that means being a stepmom so soon, but it’s definitely moving in that direction.” You’d had enough time to think about everything. You were more than serious about him. “I want a future with you, Seokjin. A future with you and Arin. You both mean a lot to me.” 
His mouth slowly spread into a grin, he looked and sounded unbelievably happy. “Do you mean that?” 
“Of course. I spent these past few days thinking really hard about us and what we were – what we are. I’m serious about us, and I hope you are too.” 
He pulled you into another hug, kissing your forehead. “I most definitely am, but we’ll take it at your pace,” he assured, “and Arin’s pace.” 
“And your pace,” you added, moving your head back to look at him, hands resting on his shoulders. “Nana’s too. She needs to be involved because no matter what, she’s still a part of your life.” 
It wasn’t about just you and Seokjin, you understood that now, and so did he. “I agree. I really think yesterday was a turning point for me and her. I want our relationship to be better for not just Arin, but you too. I hate that you had to witness all that.” 
“It’s okay, Seokjin. Please don’t beat yourself up about it.” He needed to let it go and move forward. You had already. 
“Listen, I, er, I’m…” He hesitated, serious once again. “I’m sorry for not telling you why we divorced.” 
Oh. In your happiness you’d actually forgotten about that. You waited for him to continue, wanting to hear what he had to say because it had been the source of some of your hurt. You rubbed his shoulders, wanting to encourage him as he struggled to find the words. 
“It’s complicated,” he started. “…Finding out Nana had been cheating on me was what triggered the divorce, but it had been over long before then. It’s… difficult to admit this out loud but for the longest time I was embarrassed. I couldn’t believe that she’d cheated on me – it was an ego thing. I didn’t care because I no longer loved her but at the same time it was mortifying and it made me very bitter.
“I didn’t tell you because you’d trusted me with your own story. I learned how cheating had affected you and my situation was completely different. I don’t know,” he sighed, unsure if he was making any sense. “I regret it now because I should have told you.” 
“I understand why you didn’t,” you said simply, attempting to process the huge chunk of information you’d just been given. “But I think, regardless of our different circumstances it still affected you in some way. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with being cheated on.” It had obviously left its mark if he was still bringing it up nearly three years later. 
He still wasn’t convinced. “But Nana was right, that’s why I got so angry. I couldn’t admit it to myself, not until this week. By sleeping with someone else she gave me a way out. I didn’t want to be the one who ended it because that would mean I was the reason for Arin’s broken home. To ease my conscience I could blame the breakdown of our marriage on her.” 
“Seokjin, that doesn’t make you a terrible human being. You need to let all that go,” you told him gently. “At the time you did what you thought was best for Arin. You thought by staying together it would give her a better life but it doesn’t work like that and you’ve realised that now.” 
You didn’t want to stick your nose in business that wasn’t yours, but you understood what had happened. By staying together they had become increasingly bitter towards one another and the result was still ongoing. There had been a lot of hurt and that would take some time getting over. 
You noticed the slight nod he gave you, a silent agreement. The sooner he accepted his mistakes the easier it would be to forgive himself. “I still should have you,” he whispered.
“That’s not important anymore,” you insisted. 
“It is.” He clutched your waist, his eyes glassy. “You shared so much with me about how you got hurt, and I kept something big from you.” 
You gave him a reassuring smile. “Well, I know now.” You weren’t going to hold it against him, it had obviously been playing on his mind the entirety of your relationship. “That’s all that matters.”  
He relented, kissing you softly, just once, unable to help himself. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking too these past few days. I talked to my therapist. It’s been a while. I’ve just been so happy I didn’t need to until…” Trailing off he gave an embarrassed shrug. 
“That’s good you got back in contact with her.” He hadn’t actually spoken about his therapist since your first date and you’d never thought much about it, but it was great that he knew to seek help when he needed it. 
“We talked a couple of times about everything. It was helpful.” He rubbed your back with a soothing hand. “I really am sorry my relationship with Nana is like this. There’s a lot of bitterness and hurt left over from all the years we stayed together. Maybe the truth is we should have never gotten married in the first place. We brought out the worst in one another until in the end it turned to hate, but I can’t regret it because she gave me my world.” 
“Maybe realising all this is the next step for some type of closure,” you offered. He and Nana couldn’t keep this up. They needed to get along for Arin’s sake. They had to try and salvage some type of relationship if they wanted to continue co-parenting their daughter – their world. 
“I think you’re right,” he agreed. “Now that everything is out in the open I feel so much better.” 
“I’m glad.” You leaned in to kiss his cheek.  
“So,” he hummed, sounding a lot more like himself, “where do we go from here?” 
“I think we just carry on from where we left off.” As far as you were concerned everything had been resolved. All your questions and worries had been answered. You were both on the same page now and you could move on together. “When I was waiting for you to come back with that salad.”
“Sounds perfect.” He laughed, wasting no time with kissing you, properly this time, cupping your face to bring you closer. You settled in his lap soon after, his lips soft and warm, each glide of your tongues making you realise that all you wanted to do was be with him. Always. 
“There is one change I’d like to make though,” he murmured, pulling away gradually, kisses becoming gentle pecks until he had the will power to stop completely. “I was going to wait until I took you to Paris, but maybe grand gestures don’t mean shit after I thought I’d lost you.” 
Your heart flipped inside your chest just from the look he was giving you, the sheer determination in his eyes, and the way he cupped your face firmly. You thought you knew what was coming. 
“I love you.” 
You were still speechless for a moment though, but it was okay because he was still busy confessing. 
“I know it may seem too fast and I don’t want to scare you away but I’ve fallen head over heels in love with you these past few months. I can’t remember what my life was like before you appeared in it.” 
“I love you, too,” you gushed, coming to. “Of course you wouldn’t scare me away. Everything you just said, I feel exactly the same way.” 
“Really?”
“Yes!” You exclaimed. 
“It’s not too fast?” 
“Not at all,” you shook your head. You’d been worried it was at first, but you’d been upset and scared. Now everything was clear. “Actually, there’s no such thing because I’m in this 110%.” 
He chuckled then, brow line crinkling in the middle. “That sure?” 
“Mhmm,” you nodded enthusiastically, hands holding the back of your neck. “Thank you for reversing into my car.” 
That made him snort. “It’s no problem at all, but,” he leaned forward, tone serious, “I hate to break it to you, I’m in 1010%.” 
You rolled your eyes playfully, ignoring his goofiness to kiss him again. Although this time there was something you couldn’t ignore any longer. “Oh my god,” you complained, itching your lips. 
“What?” He was very obviously concerned. 
“Your stubble keeps pricking me!” You whined. “What is going on?” You cupped his face, getting a better look at the situation. He did look rather handsome with stubble, you admit, but you’d keep that to yourself. “A few days without me and you forget to shave.” 
He raised a dark eyebrow. “Isn’t that a thing? When you think you’ve lost the woman of your dreams you have to start growing out a beard, right?” 
You snorted lightly. “You’d be there for years trying to grow out that thing.” 
He tutted. “Rude.” 
“But what, say that again? I’m the woman of your dreams?” You teased, pressing for more. 
“I take it back now,” he scoffed. 
“You can’t! You’ve said it now.” 
“Shush,” he laughed. “Come here.” He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. “Stop talking and let me love you.” 
It took a single press of his lips for you to listen. 
.
.
You were slow and still sleepy when you awoke the next morning, gradually coming to, your eyes still closed. It was raining, you could hear the soft patter of it against the window as you became more aware, but you found it didn’t hinder the good mood you’d woken up in. Why would it? 
Finally opening your eyes, although with effort, a soft focus Seokjin came into view, already awake and leaning over you slightly. He smiled when you saw him, a hand caressing your hip. “Good morning, beautiful.” 
You smiled back, rolling into the side of his body, making the most of your sleepy state – and your boyfriend’s warmth. “How long have you been awake?” You asked with a small yawn. 
You didn’t actually remember falling asleep last night. After you’d made up (and you were done with all that kissing), you’d asked him to stay over. You’d laid in bed, wrapped up in one another as you talked about anything and everything before your eyes had started to get heavy, Seokjin’s voice and your own sounding distant in no time. And now you were here. 
“A few minutes,” he murmured, morning voice always an octave lower. It never stopped being sexy. You tangled your legs in his as he laid back down and realised his were now bare – he must have gotten too warm in the middle of the night. 
He cupped your face, wanting you to look at him. “I was using the time to admire you.” 
“Cheesy as always,” you chuckled. 
“Of course,” he agreed easily, leaning in to rub his nose against yours. “I woke up and thought last night might have been a dream.”  
“It wasn’t,” you whispered, getting lost in his eyes for a moment. 
“I love you.” 
With a soft groan you rolled onto your back. “Not fair, I was about to say that.” 
“Too bad,” he laughed, that deep morning chuckle you loved, wrapping his arm around your middle as he kissed your cheek. “You snooze you lose.” 
“I wasn’t snoozing.” 
“You were – and snoring. I heard you.” He was trailing kisses along your jaw now. 
“You didn’t!” You exclaimed. That was something you definitely did not do. “I don’t snore, take that back!” 
You attempted to wriggle out of his hold but he wasn’t having any of it, both of his hands beginning to tickle your sides. “Seokjin!” You shrieked, starting to thrust your legs but he rolled on top of you, caging your body easily. 
He stilled all movement and looked down, having way too much fun teasing you. “What?” 
Before you could even think to reply he was kissing you. Somewhere along the way last night you’d gotten used to the stubble, quite liking the tingle across your lips now, so you didn’t gripe this morning. Holding your face he trailed wet kisses down your throat, teeth gently sinking into your collarbone. You let out a gasp, your fingers tangling in his hair as you pushed against his body, eager for more of his mouth. 
His hands soon began roaming your body, slipping under your pyjama shirt to caress your skin. His fingers delicately traced the underside of your breasts, lifting his head up to kiss your mouth once before he spoke his request. “Can I see you?”
You smiled and nodded, watching as he started to undo the buttons with expertise. When you were fully revealed he looked at you with a grin. “Woah,” he stated simply. 
“You’re acting like you’ve never seen them before,” you giggled. 
“I don’t know, I’m pretty sure they’ve gotten bigger.” He mused, weighing your breasts in his hands. 
You snorted, mouth dropping open when he captured one of your nipples between his lips. His used his hand to palm the other breast, pinching the nipple with his fingers and you moaned, arching into his touch. Against your crotch you could feel him growing hard – rapidly. 
“Take this off,” you urged, tugging at his t-shirt. Your need for him was rising too, breathing becoming unsteady as Seokjin kneeled upright and ripped the piece of clothing off. You sat up, running your hands across the muscular swell of his chest. “Yup,” you nodded to yourself, “definitely gotten bigger.” 
He chuckled quietly – shyly almost, and helped you take your shirt off, kissing across your shoulder as he eased you back against the pillows. Next, he got you out of your pyjama bottoms, kissing his way back up your stomach and between the valley of your breasts as his hand slid between your legs, rubbing you above your underwear. Squirming, warmth flooding you as his mouth found yours, your tongues mashing together in haste, your arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. 
He slipped his hand inside your panties and loved what he found. “You’re so wet, honey,” he murmured, playfulness in his tone as he circled your clit with the pad of finger. His touch was so light it was unbearable and you whined, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. 
He circled your entrance next but didn’t enter, collecting your arousal to rub your clit again. You dug your foot into the mattress, raising your hips to get more. His dick was fully erect now, pressing into your thigh, but he was in no rush, fully devoted when it came to pleasuring you. Dragging your underwear down your thighs, you helped push them off entirely, reaching for him and pulling him into a kiss, although he didn’t stay at your mouth long, kissing across your chest and down your stomach until he met his destination. 
He didn’t get very far though, his hot breath making you wriggle about, thighs clamping around his head. “It tickles.” 
“Tickles?” He repeated in amusement, nosing your inner thigh. He kissed your bikini line, ignoring your feeble giggles. “I’m not trying to tickle you.” 
You held your breath as he placed a testing kiss against your centre, willing yourself not to squirm, but Seokjin took it slow, easing you into it, because your body had suddenly decided to turn hypersensitive in his absence. He continued to kiss your core, his tongue coming out to wash against you too, and soon enough you got used to the sensation. 
“Good?” He asked against your clit, the vibrations making you flutter. 
You nodded in reply, fingers of both hands reaching to tangle in his hair. He gave you a quick smile and then started to flick his tongue against the bundle of nerves rapidly, making your hips rise in shock as a moan drew from your throat. He gave you no time to recover, sucking on your clit now as he hummed in satisfaction. Body with a mind of its own, you spread your thighs, wanting to feel him even better. 
He got the hint, using his hands to plant your feet on his shoulders, legs bent at the knee to open you up even wider for him. He continued to suck you softly, the tip of his tongue flicking back and forth at the same time, the stimulation so glorious you were sure you had tears in your eyes. 
“Oh God, Seokjin,” you moaned as he pulled away abruptly, your head falling back against the pillow. You had been moments away from coming, you were almost positive. 
He moaned himself as he licked a strip up your centre, pushing your knees higher up your body, exposing your clit even more so this time when he rolled it between his lips your hips jerked around uncontrollably, the pleasure too much. You felt him ease off but begged him not to stop, sounding possessed. “No, don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”  
He continued, his eyes on you as he made your legs tremble and you dug your toes into his shoulders, clutching at his hair. “You gonna cum, baby?” He husked. You whined in reply, hips rolling into his face with desperateness. “Give it to me then.” He told you, once again suctioning his lips to your clit. 
Your eyes clenched shut as you concentrated on his tongue, panting loudly as the muscles in your gut tightened. Your release hit you seconds later, lifting your hips up with one last burst of energy as he continued to work his tongue against your thrumming clit, your orgasm crashing through you in waves as you cried out. It was amazing, almost euphoric if you wanted to be dramatic (you did), your whole body satisfied and warm. 
Seokjin tried to ride it out as long as possible, but soon you grew sensitive, your hands detaching themselves from his hair to fall limply to your side, chest rising and falling deeply as you tried to catch your breath. He wrapped his fingers around your ankles delicately and placed your legs down on the bed before hovering over your body. He was just as out of breath, your arousal smeared across his mouth and chin, and you kissed him greedily, wanting nothing more. You could feel him rutting against you, attempting to gain just a little bit of relief, and taking pity on him you  cupped his erection over his underwear, giving him a squeeze. He groaned at the sensation, breaking away from your mouth. 
You started to rub him as best you could as he kneeled between your legs, watching your hand at work. He chuckled in disbelief. “You have me so hard, shit.” 
“That is my area of expertise,” you gloated, pulling his dick out of his boxer shorts. You ran your fist up and down it a few times, revelling in the smooth skin, thumb circling the head that was beading with precum. 
His patience was crazy this morning, enjoying the way you touched him so much he leaned in to kiss you again, panting quietly against your lips as you sped up your movements, dragging your thumb across his slit in a bid to spread his arousal. He hissed, jerking into your hand, and you just about lost it. You wanted him, no, needed him inside you. Right this instant. 
You looked him deep in the eyes, your noses practically touching as you gave him a squeeze. “Make love to me, Seokjin.” 
He broke then, unable to deny you or himself any longer. His underwear was gone in a flash, thick cock bobbing as he guided you onto your side, fitting in beside you perfectly. He wrapped his hand around your calf, lifting your leg over his to spread you out a little and then he angled the head of his cock at your entrance, kissing your shoulder as he slowly began to push inside you. 
You closed your eyes as you felt the drag, both of you groaning as he continued to fill you, his hand pushing one of your butt cheeks up a little so he could successfully bottom out. You stayed like that for a while, kissing one another, one of his arms hooked underneath your neck, hand cupping your chin, the other caressing your body, tracing across your stomach before softly cupping your breasts. The sensation had you sighing sweetly, pushing back into him and he couldn’t hold off any longer. 
He thrusted slowly, practically all the way out just to push back in, filling you up over and over. It was glorious, his rhythm eliciting moan after moan, especially as he played with your chest, rolling your hardened nipples between his fingers. You could hear yourself, how wet you were, and you rolled yourself onto your side more, pushing your ass into him in a bid to get more.
He got the message, speeding up as you reached behind and ran your fingers through his hair. He loved that, grunting as he spoke against your ear, “A little faster, baby?” 
All you could do was nod and respond with a garbled noise from somewhere deep within your throat, Seokjin’s thrusts gaining momentum as he started to pound against your ass, his laboured breathing blowing hot air against your cheek. One of his hands dug into the round of your ass, his teeth sinking into your shoulder as he growled softly, thrusts purposeful, unrelenting. 
“Let me see your pretty face,” he panted after a few moments, pulling you into him and cupping your jaw. You twisted yourself, half flat to his sweaty chest as you spread your legs too, letting him thrust up into you. Your breasts jiggled with the force of his movements, his tongue pushing into your mouth, kiss sloppy and everything good. 
His breathing got heavier, his movements turning slightly sloppy as he adjusted your body once again so he could kiss and caress your breasts instead. A hand played with the left one as his mouth licked and sucked the right, grunts falling from his lips now as he quickly lost himself. His thrusts got harder and his teeth grazed against your nipple. When you cried out, he loved that, squeezing your boob roughly, tearing another sound from your throat as your walls clamped around him, gripping him for all he was worth. 
You knew he was done for when he sought your mouth again, chuckling huskily as you pecked kisses against his plump lips. You felt his dick pulse, thrusts messy as he chased his end, and then he stilled, groaning as his orgasm hit and he started spilling warmth inside of you. 
He wrapped his arms around you tightly once it was over, hugging you to his body with even more kisses, both of you panting softly, enjoying the come down. In fact, you didn’t want it to end. Gradually falling soft, he stayed buried inside you and made no attempts to slip out. If anything, he was damn determined to stay there for as long as possible it seemed. 
“I love you,” you told him sweetly, sweeping some of his hair out of his eyes, still engulfed by his heat. 
He smiled, practically goofy, still drunk off your lovemaking. “I love you too, of course.” 
And then it was back to kissing. 
You had a week’s worth to catch up on, and an entirety more to look forward to. 
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*BONUS*
You (10:25am) Seokjin came over last night, we talked it out and made up 😊
Soojung (10:29am) Finally! ILY and I’m so happy for you best friend! But thanks for the heads up, I’ll be giving the house a wide berth this weekend See you Monday 😘
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Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021
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nevermindirah · 3 years
Text
Yitzhak!
is a character! who Gregadiah What-Is-Math Rucka gave us almost no information about!
I've gone through Tales Through Time #6: The Bear and #1: My Mother's Axe with several magnifying glasses and done a lot of googling and taken my copy of the Tanakh off my shelf for the first time since (well, since the last time I needed to read Torah for TOG reasons, which I think was Booker Passover headcanons) and here's the best I can come up with.
In The Bear we meet someone who goes by the name Isaac Blue:
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Read on for a lot of comic panel analysis and historical research and Jewish flailing!
So what do we know about this Isaac Blue person?
He's Lorge, he's got curly hair, he's basically a taller version of Joe as drawn by Leandro Fernández (ie an antisemitic stereotype why the fuck did they approve this character design?? and then why did they double down and copy-paste it to Yitzhak??):
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He's got a mezuzah on the doorpost of his house in Alaska!
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I screamed about the mezuzah way back in January in this post where I (very reasonably) assumed this character was Joe and spun myself a tale about how Booker is still Joe's brother so the mezuzah stays up even though Booker isn't welcome in that house for a century. Bottom line: the mezuzah is a tradition with origins in the commandment from Deuteronomy 6:9 to "write the words of G-d on the gates and doorposts of your house" and evolved over the course of the Rabbinic period into the modern mezuzah we see here.
I did unnecessary levels of google image search to glean absolutely no useful information about Yitzhak’s origins from this panel:
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I've decided the variant cover of TTT 6 is Yitzhak because of a panel in My Mother’s Axe, shown here, and what's likely an unnecessarily deep reading of Exodus, discussed further down:
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The person at the right of the bottom panel is wearing the same clothes as in the TTT 6 variant cover and has the same shoulder-length curly hair and hairy forearms.
Left to right, the people in this panel are Lykon (I'll never get used to him being white in the comics), Andy, Noriko (I think? why doesn't Andy mention her by name here?), and Yitzhak. Andy's robe has a stereotypically Greek design on the sleeve cuff, and I had to stop myself 10 minutes into a Wikipedia rabbit hole because Gregorforth doesn't think that deep about this shit. The solid clues as to timeline that we get in this panel are:
Andy's iron axe
the presence of Lykon, who Andy first met in 331 BCE
So all we know is that Yitzhak is an immortal, he was a contemporary of Lykon, and he's Jewish.
Isaac is the most common Anglicization of Yitzhak (which in turn is the most common Anglophone transliteration of יִצְחָק‎), and Greg always uses the (transliterated) Hebrew when he refers to this character. Yitzhak is the long-awaited child of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis, the child who G-d commanded Abraham to sacrifice but spared at the last minute. I see what you did there, Gregory.
Why Isaac Blue? This is where I pulled out my Tanakh. According to the New JPS translation, blue is the first of three colors of yarn listed in Exodus 35:6 among the gifts requested of the Israelites to construct the priestly garments for the Tabernacle and later the Temple. Then in Numbers 15:38 the Israelites are commanded to "make themselves fringes on the corners of their garments throughout the ages; let them attach a cord of blue to the fringe at each corner."
And now for sandbox timelines party! Gregadiah gave us ALMOST NOTHING to go on, so I'm gonna make my own fun.
I, like many modern Jews, think the stories in the Tanakh are foundational mythology that are valuable because of how they've shaped our people but that contain some fucked-up shit and either way aren't meant to be a record of historical facts. Modern scholarship generally agrees that the community we now call Jews emerged as a distinct group of Canaanites sometime in the late Bronze Age (cw this video's host says the Name of G-d aloud despite being a religious studies scholar who knows that is not a name anyone but the Temple priests are allowed to say). The first non-Biblical written record of the people Israel is from an Egyptian source c. 1200 BCE, and the Biblical kingdom of David and Solomon was probably an exaggeration of whatever really happened during the Bronze Age Collapse. We start getting into historical-fact territory a few centuries into the Iron Age:
588 BCE Solomon's Temple destroyed, Babylonian exile begins
538 BCE Cyrus of Persia allows Jews to return to Jerusalem
515 BCE Second Temple construction complete
332 BCE Alexander the Great At Something I Guess conquered Judea, beginning the Hellenistic period of Jewish history — 331 BCE Andy & Lykon find each other
167 BCE another jerkface Greek king desecrated the Temple and basically outlawed Judaism
164 BCE recapture of Jerusalem and Temple rededication during the Maccabean Revolt
70 CE destruction of the Second Temple by the Romans, beginning of the Rabbinic period of Jewish history that we're still in now
What if... and hear me out... what if immortals come in pairs, and the pairs are:
Andy & Quynh
Joe & Nicky
Booker & Nile
LYKON & YITZHAK
What if Yitzhak was a priest of the Second Temple? What if he and Lykon killed each other just like Joe and Nicky would in the same city around 1300 years later, but instead of enemies-to-lovers speedrun with an absurdly long happily-ever-after, when Lykon died permanently Yitzhak decided to separate from Andy and Noriko and become the hermit we later see in Alaska?
We don't know how old Yitzhak is compared to the others, only that he was a contemporary of Lykon at a time when Andy was using an Iron Age version of her mother's axe. Other plausible origins for him:
a Jew of the early Rabbinic period, maybe a child or grandchild of people who were still alive before the Second Temple was destroyed
a Judean of the Second Temple era under the Romans or Greeks or Persians, maybe a priest, maybe not
an exilee in Babylon, maybe of the generation who got to return, maybe of the generation who was exiled (he doesn't look like he was 50 at his first death but who knows, he could've been mortal for both)
an Israelite of the Kingdoms of Israel and Judah, maybe a priest of Solomon's Temple or again maybe not
an Israelite wandering in the desert with Moses
THEE Yitzhak, ben Avraham v'Sarah, our patriarch who was brought up for sacrifice and then spared, and then spared again, and then spared again, and again, and again...
or! he could also be a Canaanite or other Levantine who predates the people Israel, who at some point in his very long life chose to join our mixed multitude, who like Andromache before him (and like Avram and Sarai would in this case do after him) took a new name to reflect the magnitude of influence this people has had on him
Why do I keep saying Yitzhak might have been a priest? It's thanks to the one detail in the artwork I could plausibly connect to solid research without getting a PhD real quick. Take a look at the gorgeous detail on the opening of his robe in the TTT 6 cover. He's dressed in rags, holes and dirt everywhere, rough stitches probably from hasty repair work — except for the neck opening. Compare that to this description from Exodus 39:23 of the construction of the priestly garments for the Tabernacle: "The opening of the robe, in the middle of it, was like the opening of a coat of mail, with a binding around the opening, so that it would not tear."
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The next verses describe the intricate designs for the hem of the priestly garment. Yitzhak's ragged garment looks like the hem was torn off entirely.
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Am I overthinking this? Yes I am! You're welcome!
My friend and historical research hero @lady-writes​ is in a Discord server with Gregadiah and asked the man himself some questions about all this. He clearly thinks he's being sneaky?? No shit Yitzhak is Jewish, dude, I want DETAILS!
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I will not be giving up my Jewish Booker headcanon, I've put too much thought into it by now, the internalized shame of antisemitism explains Booker's depression too well for me, and it just adds so much richness to Booker/Nile both being children of forced diasporas. Fortunately (for him, not me, bc I'd do it anyway!) Gregothy supports fan headcanons even when they're not in line with his own:
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One last thing before I close like 100 research tabs and go back to writing historical fantasy and/or porn! I love that, despite that atrocious caricature of a face design, our canon Jew and our fanon Jew are both Lorge and Soft and Kind, flying the face of the antisemitic stereotype of Ashkenazi Jewish men as small and weak, but also not falling into the New Jew / Muscle Jew stereotype that Zionism created. (I am trying SO HARD not to talk about Israel/Palestine for once ughhhhhhhhhh) Anyway here's a (US-centric but very good) primer on both these stereotypes of Jewish masculinity. Is this why I'm forever projecting my transmasc diasporist feels onto Jewish Booker the service sub? 🤷🏻‍♂️
I’ll reblog a second version of this with full image descriptions so that there’s a version accessible for folks who need IDs as well as a version accessible for folks who get overwhelmed by walls of text.
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therealvalkyrie · 3 years
Text
Painter’s Hands and Guatemalan Coffee: Part 6
sketch
Pairing/setting: Levi Ackerman x Female!Reader, modern!college!AU
Summary: When you catch your idiot boyfriend cheating, your grumpy roommate is there to pick up the pieces and watch your back as you toe a carefully drawn line in the metaphorical sand.  
Word Count: 2.1k
Warnings: fluff, romantic vegetable chopping, the chapter of realizing things
AN: Well, it’s been six fucking months, but it’s finally here!! It’s a little shorter than I’d prefer, and took a lot of iterations to get here, but I’m very satisfied:) Thanks, as always, to my lovely @doinmybesthere for editing and encouraging. I hope you all enjoy! I think there’re maybe 1 or 2 parts left in this story, that’ll hopefully be out more quickly than I managed this one. Please let me know what you think! Be kind to yourselves and others. ~valkyrie
(read chapter 5 here)
Finals week passes in a slow blur, barely leaving enough time for you to breathe between essays, exams, and one presentation that you think takes at least a year off the end of your life. It’s much the same for everyone else, as well — you barely see Levi, not counting the nights you spend alternating between your bed and his, and you don’t see Hange at all. Consequently, there’s no opportunity to break apart what happened on Saturday. No chance to peel back its layers and find how you really feel. Although, to her credit, Annie doesn’t appear again, so you’re able to shove it into a corner of your mind for the time being.
Saturday brings with it both a new winter storm and an overwhelming sense of relief. You let it fill you completely as you sit and watch snow swirl outside. The street below your kitchen window is bustling with students trying to outrun the storm to get home for vacation. But you have nowhere to be, nothing to do. It’s nice.
The door opens, bringing with it the stomping of Levi’s boots. You turn to watch him shake snow from his hair, sinking deeper into the reassurance of knowing that everything you need is here under your roof. Safe.
Hmm. What the fuck?
You choke on the next sip of your tea as the realization of what you just felt hits you square in the chest. Through your coughing and hacking, you reach again for that fleeting sense of home. Childish, content, warm.
“Are you okay?” Levi calls from the entrance, looking at you with pinched brows halfway through hanging up his jacket.
“Fine,” you cough out, pushing back from the table to hunch over and catch your breath. “I’m okay.”
It takes a moment for you to stop breathing hard, though when you do, your heart rate doesn’t return to normal, instead pushing blood to your face and neck and making your body feel light. Levi doesn’t help when he finally joins you in the kitchen, all floppy hair and bright cheeks from the snow. All leisurely about the way he stretches his lean body to take his favorite blend of Earl Grey from the top of the fridge.
“I was thinking about dinner,” he starts, completely oblivious to the way you’ve started sweating under your cardigan. “We shouldn’t order because of the snow, so I brought home stuff to make soup.”
“What kind?” It’s a miracle the words come out normally.
“Chicken noodle.” He turns to face you. “My mom’s recipe.”
“I don’t get why guys are always so uppity about kitchen knives,” you say, picking up what Levi’s told you is a utility knife. “Like, it’s just a knife. I’m not about to stab myself with it.” Your finger drags along its sharp edge for only a split second when Levi’s slim fingers are suddenly around your wrist.
“Don’t. Touch. The knives,” he growls, taking the utility knife gently from your other hand and placing it back on the counter. “I just sharpened them last week, you could’ve seriously cut yourself.”
His steel eyes hold yours for another long moment until you nod your head mutely. You haven’t been able to shake the knot of hyperawareness that’s been settled in your belly since your what the fuck moment, and it only twists tighter when he’s so close to you. His hair is dry now, curling slightly because he hasn’t bothered to comb it since he got home. You have to actively resist the urge to twist a particularly enthusiastic curl around your finger in the split second before he backs away again.
Muttering under his breath, he returns to the simmering pot on the stove that he claims has turned into stock, though you hardly believe it. Growing up, you’d never been taught kitchen skills, let alone anything close to actual labor.
For a while, you’re content to watch, sitting at the table and nursing both the ache in your chest and a fresh cup of chamomile, but the urge to join him in his quiet work overwhelms you as he’s washing the vegetables.
“Levi, please, can I help?” Your tone edges on whining, prompting him to huff and shift on his feet. “I promise I won’t touch the knives! There, just, must be something I can do.”
You see him roll his eyes, swear under his breath, then turn towards you with a glower.
“No talking, no questions, and go wash your hands.”
“Yes!” you cheer and stand up with a bounce.
The scent of the bar of soap as you lather and wash cuts pleasantly through the spices and thick scents already filling the kitchen. It’s not something you’ve experienced often, and you relish in what you realize must be home comfort, your grin settling from enthused to contented.
Levi is arranging carrots, celery, and onions next to the cutting board when you join him again.
“I thought I wasn’t allowed to touch the knives?”
“You’re not, until I show you how to do it without chopping off your fingers.”
“Oh, ye of little faith,” you tease, but nevertheless settle in beside him to watch as he lines up a carrot and picks up the utility knife.
“We’re generally going for even pieces, though it doesn’t matter much because it’s a soup. Put your fingers like this,” you lean over a bit to see how he’s arranged his left hand holding the carrot, the tips of his fingers just barely tucked under the knuckles, “so that you can chop like this—“ he begins slicing, knife guided by his knuckles “—and not lose your fingers. Always point the blade away from yourself and others, and never hold the handle like you’re going to stab something. That’s not effective, anyway. If you have to use this as a weapon, it’s much more effective to slash rather than stab, considering bone density—“
“Uhh,” you cut in, “pause. Are we slicing carrots or fending off home invaders?”
He stops chopping. “What did I say about asking questions?”
“Right. Sorry.”
“Anyway. Considering bone density, you’ll have better luck aiming to cut big veins than forcing through ribs.”
He’s done with the first carrot, now, lithe fingers flipping the knife so the blade is up.
“Never drag the blade along the surface sideways. Flip it over and use the blunt edge to move food.” He demonstrates, moving the little pile of carrot slices to a corner of the cutting board. “Your turn.”
And then, like it’s nothing, he’s offering you the handle with a flat expression.
“Uhm.” You press your lips together and eye it for a long pause. “Are you sure?”
“It’s just a carrot. You’ll be fine.” He lets another unsure moment slide into being, then sighs and reaches out to wrap your hand around the handle. “Here, like this.”
And like you’ve suddenly stepped into a poorly-written romcom, he’s guiding your hands under his to the next waiting carrot, curling your fingers exactly like he showed you before, and scooting over to let you stand in his place. You just let yourself go along with it, hoping desperately that he won’t feel your hands grow clammy or see the way your chin has tucked itself shyly to your chest so you can watch.
Fucking shit carrots, useless goddamn root vegetable, can’t chop itself, has to make me do all the work—
Your aggressive inner monologue takes you all the way through the second carrot, then his hands are leaving yours and he’s placing a third under your waiting blade. Time to fly solo.
When you fall asleep in the armchair that night, sated and full of comfort food, Levi sketches in pencil on scrap paper. He sketches his hands over yours in the kitchen and he sketches the steam rising from the pot on the stove. He sketches you sitting with a bowl of soup in your lap, face illuminated by the TV and he sketches your sleeping body curled up, hair in your mouth. He sketches a close-up of your face, with special attention to the curve of your bottom lip, and he considers it practice for finishing the painting in his room.
Levi doesn’t think about how if he doesn’t do something soon, all of this will change. About how you’ll get over your heartbreak and move out at the end of the year and he won’t see you every day and every night. And he definitely doesn’t think about how he’ll have to adjust back to sleeping without your soft body tangled in his, and he doesn’t wonder how he ever slept before you.
No, instead of thinking, he just cracks his knuckles and gently scoops you from the chair and into his arms.
It’s as he’s climbing into his side of your bed that you stir and snort and blink sleepy eyes open.
“What time is it?”
“Ten forty,” he whispers, “go back to sleep.”
You hum and turn on your side to face him, face half hidden by the squish of your pillow. He settles more comfortably in, tucks your head under his chin even though you’re taller than he is, and drapes his free arm around the curve of your waist. 
Quiet breathing is the only thing that fills the room for a long while, and he finally thinks you’ve drifted back off, when:
“Hey, Levi?”
“Hmm?”
“I... I’ve been thinking a lot, and...”
The tone of your voice is odd and it makes Levi’s throat seize up for a moment while you hesitate. He swallows deliberately.
“And?”
Your next words are more confident, like you have really been thinking a lot, your voice not sleepy in the slightest. It’s matter-of-fact and soft and lovely. 
“And you make me feel really safe. Just, like, all the time. And I’m glad I met you. You make me feel, um...,” a small sniffle, “You make me feel held.”
Levi tightens his arm around you and swallows again. It feels like he’s balancing on the head of a pin, and a thousand angels are swirling around him, and it’s taking all he has not to get pushed off.
“Well, I am holding you.”
“Psssssht,” you wriggle slightly back so you can look at his face. You look simultaneously exasperated and vulnerable in the shadows of your bedroom. “You know what I mean.”
“What if I don’t?”
“Well, I guess...” 
You pause to think for a moment, eyes flicking away from Levi’s face for a split second. Then, they’re back on his and he can feel the vulnerable honesty already spilling from you. 
“I’ve never really, um, gotten a lot of physical affection? From people in my life? And, uh, it’s not just that, it’s that you’re so... so— so familiar, and not just because I know you, godimnotmakingalickofsense, but because it feels like I’ve always known you?” It’s said like a question, like you want to know if he feels the same. “And you just make me feel held.”
You pause on a shaky inhale of breath, then cover your face with your hands and roll onto your back away from him. 
“God, I’m sorry, that doesn’t make any sense at all, I’ll just—“
“Stop,” Levi cuts you off, pushing up to lean over you and grasp your wrists in one hand and cover your mouth with the other, a mirror of the pair of you in the kitchen weeks earlier. “It makes sense. I get it.”
Your doe eyes stare up at him just like they did then and he selfishly indulges in an extra second of staring back before he releases you and slides back to rest on an elbow. Your hands stay demurely tucked by your chest where he put them and your tongue flicks out to lick at your lips as your eyes follow him. 
“Really?”
“Yeah. I get it.”
“Okay. Good.”
Suddenly, Levi doesn’t feel like going to bed. He feels like running for miles or painting until his hands ache or hitting something, anything to distract him from doing something incredibly stupid right now. The mattress sinks as he sits up and spins his legs out of bed, muttering something about tea and not tired yet, and he almost doesn’t catch the sensation of you sitting up behind him. 
He turns halfway back to tell you to go back to sleep, but your fingers catch his chin and he’s abruptly out of breath.
The curve of your bottom lip is perfectly, exactly the way he sketched it in the semi-dark. It’s slightly chapped.
When you kiss him, soft and certain, he topples off the pinhead and back into his body just in time to do something incredibly stupid and kiss you back.
(read part 7 here)
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mcmoth · 3 years
Text
Dream SMP fandom etiquette
So. This post is probably too little, too late, considering the fandom and the issues I'm about to talk about have existed for so long now, and a lot of the people who need to hear this probably aren't on tumblr anyways, but I just wanted to dedicate a quick post to talk about fandom etiquette. Mostly pertaining to discourse, and interactions with people outside of our circle. These are just going to be my own personal thoughts, of course, but I felt it could be good to bring some of this to attention. So without further introduction:
Where to (not) talk about discourse:
Don't go into other streamer's vods to only focus about a different character. If you want to analyse, for example, c!Techno, do it in Techno's stream. Don't go into unrelated streams, like Tommy's, Tubbo's etc. to do it, even if they were a part of the event in question. This is, of course, with the exception if the character in question didn't stream their own pov. But otherwise, stay in your own space. This is to prevent cluttering a streamer's comments about unrelated discussion. To give further example: Tubbo's vod comments should primarily focus on Tubbo's character. Not Tommy's, Ranboo's, Techno's or whoever else's.
Don't start discourse in the comments of animatics. Seriously, stop that. Animatics aren't discussion boards. The comments are there to analyse and appreciate the video presented, not argue. It's especially rude if you pick a small detail, that wasn't even the focus of the animatic, or even a completely unrelated issue to rant out your frustrations about. To give examples: starting disc discourse in an animatic of Tommy talking to Wilbur, or rambling about how tragic Techno's character is in an animatic focused on clingy duo, etc.
This applies to fan songs as well.
Video essays are the exception to these rules. I think it's safe to say they're the place to bring your hot takes, if you really feel so inclined to argue in youtube comment sections (Though I'd personally advise to still keep the topic relevant).
Keep negativity out of fanfic comments. This isn't nearly as big of an issue as the last points, but I've seen it happen a couple times, so I'm deciding to mention it. Fanfics are written for fun. Even if you disagree with the characterisation or something else, unless the author is clear in accepting critique, keep criticism to yourself. And definitely don't rant about how you dislike a character unrelated to the fanfic. Sharing your thoughts on the fanfic itself is of course fine and welcomed, but when it turns from discussing the author's story to talking about how you dislike a character in canon, that's when it crosses a line. Example: comment talking about what you don't like about c!Tommy on a Bench Trio fanfiction.
When commenting on art, keep the feedback positive. Even if you dislike any presented character, keep that to yourself. Example: Don't say things like "I hate x character, but this art is good". You might think the author would feel honoured, but it's actually just hurtful.
How to deal with discourse:
This is gonna be a shorter section, because I think we all chose to do it in different ways, and that's valid. Also, it's just that I, myself, am still learning how to do this well, but I thought it could be good to try to lay it out anyways.
Try to scroll past takes you disagree with instead of arguing if you don't think you'd be able to keep your cool. Noone likes a random person yelling at them through a screen, and if you rant, you'll get an equally frustrated reply back, and noone will be happy. Either explain your point in a calm manner, or scroll past/ unfollow/block.
On the keeping cool thing, remember to just step away. Take a deep breath and calm yourself down before proceeding. To minimize the frustration you feel on a daily basis, filter tags, block people, avoid videos and youtube comment sections that you know will upset you, and leave certain internet spaces if you find yourself unable to escape negativity even with all those steps. Remember: in the end, it's all a game played by friends, a story, and your enjoyment of it lies in what you take from it. Abandon what makes you unhappy. Marie Kondo your fandom experience.
Also, here's your reminder, to whom this is relevant, to take care of yourself. Hydrate, eat, sleep, clean up, get fresh air, remember the things outside of all this. There's plenty to do outside of this fandom, and what you can do here can wait. There is no pressure, or obligation. Not for the content you create, not for the discussions you bring, not for responding to discourse, not for anything. Fandom is meant purely for fun, so take care <3
Interacting with people outside of the fandom:
This is something that I've seen a bit of talk about, and I thought I'd drop in my own thoughts on this as well. No matter the differences, we're all just trying to vibe, and I think these are important things to keep in mind to leave both sides better off:
Don't interact with hate posts. Just don't. You don't want to see them, they don't want to see you. Even if your response is lighthearted, their animosity is not. They will feel frustrated regardless, and the grudge will only grow. And if they're being agressive, calm discussion most likely won't happen even if you're being polite. Just leave it, please.
Correct misinformation calmly. I completely get how it can be frustrating to see blatant lies and all, but with our reputation, people will not listen if you're being antagonistic. Provide sources, explain, and leave it at that.
Don't be hateful, send death threats, or assume privilege or whatever else. That's stepping into the same shoes of the people you hate. Misunderstandings go both ways, and the fact of the matter is, I think most people who dislike DSMP, even the ones who are agressive about it, don't have their stance rooted in maliciousness. To expand on why the situation became what it is today, taken from a discussion on discord:
I think it's just a combination of Dream growing so insanely quickly + how internet spaces have changed over the years. When ccs like jackstepticeye or pewdiepie etc. grew popular, activism wasn't as prevalent and held to such importance. Now it's thankfully more talked about, but that also leads to Dream being more scrutinized in comparision. Add twitter trends and the general prevalence of the fandom, and you've got everyone feeling tired and frustrated and paranoid. People also tend not to fact check stuff, especially when it comes to celebrities and stuff they're not really interested in, so rumors spread fast.
And actually, I think there's absolutely valid reasons to be made uncomfortable by Dream SMP, either in it's creators, content or fandom, and there is, of course, stuff to criticise in general. The problem is the hate and misinformation and overexposure, but we are not going to solve any of that by being aggressive in return.
(This is, by the way, not talking about more serious cases. Like doxxing, or leaving gore images in hashtags, or similar instances. That's a whole different complicated issue that I don't feel qualified to tackle.)
And finally, don't overwhelm outsiders who merely mention the Dream SMP. Don't send asks asking them to watch it, don't write paragraphs explaining the lore, don't confuse them with inside jokes, just... Don't jump on people like that. Unless they're explicitly clear in wanting interaction and getting into the fandom, that kind of thing will just drive them away. This is in no way exclusive to the Dream SMP fandom, pretty much every fandom has people enthiastic to have more people involved, but since there are so unbelievably many of us, it's especially easy to go overboard with this stuff. Just... be polite, and don't pressure anyone. Be nice, please.
So.... ya! This would be it for this one, I think. Sorry that it's kinda long, thank you if you read it at all. Hope y'all have pleasant days ^^
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backtobackbakubabe · 3 years
Text
Speak Easy Part 13
Dabi x Reader , Bakugo x Reader
Words : 3125
Masterlist
Reader has a siren quirk and has spent the past several years of her life as a captive being experimented on by “heroes” Now that she’s out she needs protection and safe place to heal. Who will be the one to put her pieces back together.
Words with ‘this’ is dialogue written in her journal rather than said out loud and and words with ~this~ is dialogue said in sign language rather than out loud.
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You watched as Dabi paced in front of you as you hugged your knees to your chest. Shoto had come to sit next to you and you were grateful for his calming presence. He kept giving you a weird look and then looking at his brother. He obviously wanted to ask what was going on between the two of you, but you mouthed, “later” at him and he shrugged it off.
“Ok. So what? He has a list of my safe houses. That’s okay… That’s arguably a good thing actually.” Dabi was thinking out loud trying, and even though his voice sounded calm, you could see the way his hands balled into fists so tight his staples were pulling.
“No one knows about this place. This is the safest house out of all of them. I bought it after I left the League, it’s in the middle of nowhere, and the security is the best money can buy.” He stopped his pacing and looked at his brother, “So…”
Shoto draped a lazy arm around you and you released a tense breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. He quirked his head at his older brother, “So…? What? Why is that a good thing?”
Dabi’s eyes got this scary look. They practically glowed and you could tell whatever he was thinking probably wasn’t good. “It means we can pick them off. Set up traps for them at my other safe houses. It might take some time… we won’t know what houses they’re targeting so at first it’ll be a lot of guess work.” You could see a scheme hatching behind his eyes and for once he truly looked like a villain. “You said Bakugo was already out looking for them, right? I can meet up with him! They’re my houses after all, no one knows them better than me.”
He took off towards the bedroom mumbling something about needing to pack. Your wide eyes connected with Shoto’s, “How long before he remembers he’d have to leave me behind and panics?”
Shoto hummed, “I’d say about thirty seconds after he’s done packing.” He shrugged, “It’s not a bad plan honestly. I see he’s gotten rather attached to you lately though.”
You could hear the unspoken question and you weren’t sure you were ready to jump into that conversation just yet. It was bad enough that Katsuki knew. You shrugged and averted your eyes back to the door Dabi had disappeared behind. “We’ve gotten pretty close. You learn a lot about someone when you’re stuck in a house with them.”
“SHIT!”
Shoto sighed, “Sounds like he just remembered.”
Dabi stomped back into the living room and stopped a few feet in front of you. His stare was intense almost like he was trying to see through you. You could see his frustration growing as he battelled internally over what he should do. “I can’t leave you here by yourself… I don’t want to leave you at all. But- But I can’t take you with me either.” You could see his mind running a mile a minute trying to come up with a solution.
“You can leave me here, I’m not totally useless. I have the collar, so you can call me, check on my location and vitals and all that creepy shit.” You gestured to the younger Todoroki sitting next to you, “And I’m sure your brother and Izuku are dying to have some time to catch up. They can keep me company. Kiri too if need be.”
Dabi kneeled in front of you and laid his arms on either side of you, caging you in. “It would drive me insane leaving you here.”
You brushed your thumb over the spot between his eyes, smoothing out his worried expression. “More insane than if you stayed here and let Katsuki handle this on his own?”
His body sagged and he leaned his forehead onto your shoulder. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say it sounds like you want me to go.”
You leaned your head on his. “Of course I don’t want you to go idiot. But I hate to break it to you, I know you pretty well… And I don’t think sitting here day after day listening to you complain about how you could do it better, sounds like fun.” He groaned because he knew you were right. “So, go ahead and go. I’ll be fine here I promise. Go catch some bad guys with Katsuki.”
“Ugh don’t say it like that. You make is sound like a cheesy buddy cop movie. I just hope your little hero friend isn’t squeamish because I’m not going to hold back.”
Shoto cleared his throat, “Some of us… little heroes… have seen enough shit to last a lifetime. Bakugo’s the hardest working and grittiest out of us all, so believe me when I say you don’t need to worry about him.”
Dabi narrowed his eyes at his brother who he had just realized was practically cuddling with you. “Seeing death and dealing it out are two different things. I know he’s capable of killing someone, but mentally I don’t think he could cross that line.” He held a hand up to stop Shoto from arguing with him. “And I don’t care if he doesn’t want to get his precious hero hands dirty. Because that’s what I’m here for, and I’m honestly looking forward to it.”
You huffed, “Listen, I really don’t like the look you get when you talk about killing people. It’s sick… killing isn’t supposed to be fun you psychopath.”
His eyes shifted back to yours, “Baby girl. I want to make something clear. I will find the sick fucks that kidnapped you. I will torture them in the most painful and humiliating ways possible. By the time I’m done… they will welcome death with open arms. I’ll be doing them a favor.” His forehead pressed against yours. “Unless you’d rather I save them for you…My destroyer of men.”
You hit his shoulder, “I’d rather you let Katsuki arrest them! You know how I feel about killing villains.”
His hand gripped the back of your neck hard to force you to look at him, “…No. You know I can’t do that. The sooner you accept that, the easier all of this will be.” His thumb rubbed your cheek, “I know it sucks. But this is the world you live in now. We can’t trust anyone but ourselves.”
Shoto cleared his throat, “Listen I don’t know what is going on between the two of you, but I would appreciate it if you refrained from being kinky in my presence.”
Dabi growled, “Fuck off! You literally let yourself in unannounced… When all of this over I swear we’re leaving the fucking country. I’m so sick of you brats just coming over whenever you feel like it. We’re gonna leave and you’ll never see us again.”
Shoto quirked an eyebrow, “So… Even after all of this is resolved… you plan to still live with y/n?” You could see the gears turning in his head as he pieced all of this together. “Hmm interesting.” He got up and stretched. “Well I guess I’ll give you guys some alone time to… do whatever this is… just without me having to witness it.”
“Hey before you go… You sure you’re okay with keeping an eye on her while I’m gone?” You hadn’t heard Dabi sound so uncertain before. Usually he carried so much confidence that it was overwhelming. But now he sounded lost.
Shoto nodded, “Yeah it’s not a big deal. Izuku and I can take shifts. Kirishima will probably take over every now and then depending on how long you are gone… But we don’t mind. Y/n was right when she said we’d like to catch up with her.” He gave you an awkward wink that was completely out of character for him. “You’ve been hoarding her all to yourself for months now.” He walked down the hall and shouted, “Try not to be too loud. I’ll just pick the room that smells the least like sex.”
“Good luck! I’ve fucked her on every surface of the hou—” You slammed a hand over Dabi’s mouth to cut him off.
You hid your face in Dabi’s shoulder to stifle your laugh. “I love your brother so much. He has no filter and it’s honestly so refreshing.”
A quick slap to your thigh had you gasping, “I don’t appreciate you talking about my brother that way.” He nipped at your earlobe harshly, “Especially after I just agreed to let him stay here while I’m gone.”
Before you could respond he was standing up and throwing you over his shoulder, “I think I need to remind you who you fucking belong to.” He slapped your ass as you shrieked, “I might be gone for a while, so I think I need to give you something to remember.”
“You are so ridiculous! He’s literally in a committed relationship with another man!”
Dabi tossed you onto his bed and immediately fell on top of you. “He’s also my brother and I know that slut swings both ways.” He bit down hard on your shoulder, “I’m going to leave my fucking mark all over you before I go.” He sucked a bruise into your neck, “Tonight… I’m going to claim every fucking inch of you.”
He had you naked underneath him within seconds, kissing down the column of your neck. He continued down to suck a nipple into his mouth and you had to bite down on your lip to keep from screaming.
“Come on baby, let him hear you. Let him hear how good I treat you. Let him know that there is only one Todoroki for you.”
You wanted to argue with him. There was no way Shoto was interested in you at all. He’d been in love with Izuku since high school. But you were also enjoying the way Dabi was marking his territory. There was something so peaceful about giving up control to another person, especially someone you trust.
You let him kiss and suck and grope every part of you. In this moment you were his to do with as he wished. You didn’t care he was leaving mark after mark on your skin. He was claiming you, he was daring others to lay a finger on what it is his. And you fucking loved it. You loved the peace and the comfort that came with the idea of him declaring that you are his. The security of knowing he wouldn’t let another soul touch you.
He bit harshly into your inner thigh, making you yelp and buck your hips.
He chuckled darkly as he came back up and rubbed his nose against yours. “Baby girl, just look at your face. I haven’t even touched your pussy yet and you already looked so fucked out.” He dragged his fingers lightly over your stomach, across your ribs, over your breast, and finally let them settle on your neck.
You shivered and closed your eyes, “Dabiiii, stop teasing me.”
His fingers tightened around your throat. “You said some shit earlier that really got under my skin. And now I can’t decide if I should punish you or not.”
Your head spun as it tried to think about what you possibly could have said to upset him. “What – what did I say?”
Dabi leaned in sucking your bottom lip into his mouth before biting down hard. “You said…. You loved my brother.”
Your heart pounded in your chest and you felt an intense heart overwhelm your face and neck. Was he saying what you thought he was saying? Was he jealous? Did he want you to say you loved him? Is that really what he wanted to hear?
You hadn’t noticed him pulling his own pants down until he was thrusting into you. “I’m a selfish man y/n. I’m greedy. I don’t share. And hearing those sweet little words said about someone else.” His hips snapped into yours harder, as his fingers got even tighter around your neck to the point where you were sure there would be bruises.
His pace picked up and you could feel the sweat dripping from his forehead, “I wanna hear you say it. Who do you love?”
Your eyes rolled back as you croaked out a horse “you”
“That’s not good enough doll. I said! WHO do you FUCKIN LOVE?”
His fingers let go of your throat and as intense pleasure washed over you, leaving your legs shaking, “YOU!”
He fucked you through your orgasm before he followed right behind you, “That’s what I fuckin thought.”
He only parted with you long enough to clean the two of you up. He wandered to the bathroom to get a warm, wet towel. You hummed contently as rubbed it all over your body, especially over the sore new marks he had made on your skin. When he was satisfied, he tossed the rag to the floor to deal with later and rejoined you in bed. He pulled you to him, your back to his chest, and let out a huge sigh. “I’m really nervous about leaving you here. And it honestly makes me angry. I’ve never cared about another person like this, hell I’ve never even cared about my own well being this much.” You could feel him resting his chin on your shoulder, “It makes me feel weak and I hate it.”
You intertwined your fingers with his that were wrapped around your middle. “You know what they say about bravery right? Bravery isn’t not being scared. Only stupid people aren’t scared of anything. Bravery is being scared of something and doing it anyway.” You sank further into his embrace. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m scared too. Which is equally as frustrating.”
You could feel him kiss your shoulder, encouraging you to continue. “I used to be incredibly independent. I lived alone, I worked alone, because of the classified nature of my job I was pretty isolated. I didn’t need anyone, and I was more than happy to get shit done on my own…Now the thought doing anything without you gives me anxiety.”
He sighed, “If anything that makes me feel worse… I believe we have a classic case of codependency… it’s your fault by the way. For sucking me in to your annoyingly needy arms.”
“Says the guy who has his arms currently wrapped around me like a vice.” You wanted to stay in this sweet moment. He was never this open with you, never this soft. “And even though it’s not my fault, I will admit that I did kind of need you for everything when I first got here.” You felt his chest rumble with silent laughter. “But you never really complained, did you? To be honest I had thought you would have been… I don’t know… a little more… cold I guess.”
His hands heated up as they rubbed circles into your stomach. “To anyone else I definitely would have been.” He turned you around so he could pull your chest to his and rolled onto his back, tucking your head under his chin. “I was fucking toast the second you fell into my arms though.” He groaned, “UGH! I sound like such a pussy. I hate it.”
You pressed several kisses to his chest, “Well I don’t hate it.”
There was a long stretch of silence in which the two of you just held each other, not wanting to burst your bubble.
Dabi cleared his throat and you knew he wanted to talk about it. “Listen… While I’m gone all of the laws are still valid. You still need to take care of yourself. Just because I’m not here to force you to eat lunch doesn’t mean you don’t have to.” His fingers rubbed up and down your spine. “I’m sure if you ask the guys, they’ll work out with you, but they need to keep their filthy hands to themselves.” His hand stopped at your collar, “And as much I hate saying this. Don’t call me.”
You lifted your head and gave him a confused look, “What? You worried your side chicks will hear?”
He reached down and slapped your ass, “Shut up. I literally live with you and we never leave the house. That jokes not even funny.” His hand started to rub the same spot he had just slapped, “I’m being serious though. I don’t want you to call me. If something happens and they get my phone, or hell if they somehow capture me, I don’t want anything tying me to you. Shigaraki suspects you’re with me otherwise he wouldn’t be going through my safe houses. But he doesn’t know you’re with me, and I want to keep it that way.” His voice got quitter as he mumbled into your hair, “Besides… I think if I heard your voice I’d give up and come home.”
You froze, “Okay, that is officially the softest thing you’ve ever said to me… and I love it.”
He growled low in your ear, “That’s it, I’m going to start calling you whore, and making you call me sir. I’m losing my damn edge.”
You just giggled, knowing he was bluffing, but then again… he did get you a collar.
“I’m going to miss you… sir.”
“I’m gonna miss you too… my special little whore.”
You sarcastically beamed at him, “Aww you think I’m special?”
That night, you barley slept. You were so worried he’d leave without waking you up to say bye. So, as a consequence you woke up several times throughout the night and every time, he’d pull you closer and mumble a sleepy “still here.”
When morning finally came you sat on the bed with your kneed tucked under your chin as you watched him finish getting ready. Your eyes followed him as he walked around the room, taking his time. He knew the sooner he got dressed the sooner he’d have to leave.
Finally, when he had no other choice, he laced his boots up and looked at you. “Come here…” He held his arms out to you and you quickly slid into his embrace. “You be a good girl while I’m gone, okay?” He kissed the top of your head. “Listen to Shoto and try not to give him too much shit. Follow the laws, don’t watch any of our shows while I’m gone, if there’s any big emergencies have one of the guys call Bakugo.”
You nodded and looked up into his bright blue eyes, “You be safe, and don’t do anything stupid. Come back preferably in one piece please.”
He chuckled, “I will do my best doll.”
************
Tags: tags: @falling4fandoms @wifunozomi @here-in-never-land @whore-for-anime @klecksstorys @aurorahoneybuns @theunknownrandom @insane-without-delirium @frenchsfryys @officiallydarkgeek @neofixcs @music-is-all-i-need @katsuki-bakubabe@unadulteratedtastemakerpoetry@dabislittlemouse@aimee1602@pinkhatlizzy @kunaigirlx44 @nii-sanfucker@bestgirlb @silver-stardrop@bakubby99 @squichymochi
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ggukkiedae · 3 years
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idk if ur requests are open but if they are, could you do a small story about you mentioning yoonmi getting panic attacks on stage and maybe things fans could’ve done aside from the glares. like the lasers and if they ever threw anything or something
thank you in advance if you write it! ☺️☺️💜💜
hi hun! sorry this took so long, i know i said i’d try to post written stuff everyday, buuuut i suddenly was given the opportunity to babysit my baby cousin so i’ve been focusing on him for a bit aksjdhf but i’m working on another request, hannah content, and main timeline stuff rn! anyway, hereyago hun 🥰
WARNING: anxiety attack, mentions of hate, attempted blinding by laser pointer
Yoonmi was used to it.
All of the glares she received, she knew the other members would receive some as well. All of the hate she got, she knew becoming an idol would inevitably lead to that. The bad incidents with fans, well, she was for sure bound to experience a few of those. She got used to it all, especially since the hate on her significantly magnified once they got more recognition.
This didn’t mean she didn’t get hurt by everything, though. Both mentally and physically.
This is why all the glares she received as they performed “Fire” were still very unsettling to her.
Though she kept her confident stage persona since the performance started, she couldn’t help but notice most, if not all, people in the audience either giving her looks or not paying her any attention. The moment this processed in her head, she gave an inward sigh and became extra careful to not glance at her members or accidentally touch them.
‘Alright, Yoonmi,’ she thought to herself, ‘just get through the performance. You can sulk later, just get this performance over with.’
And it was going well until the final dance break happened. As she was squatting down for Taehyung’s solo line, she felt something in her eye. Blinking and squinting rapidly, she quickly realized it wasn’t something physical. She briefly recognized a red dot coming from the audience before her right eye lost vision.
Her breath hitched in her throat as she closed her right eye and looked away while following with the choreography.
It was only a few seconds, but was it possible that it blinded her? What was going to happen if she couldn’t see through her right eye? Would they cut her from the group? Would she have to stop being an idol entirely? Would she have to go to Australia now and live like a normal kid with her new family? Not that the last option was bad, but she really did want to stay and keep being an idol.
Her chest was tightening, heart feeling like something was clenching it. Breathing felt hard especially as they were going through the last bit of choreography. Everything felt too fast yet slowed down at the exact same time, and it was making her head spin. Not once did she open her right eye in fear of not being able to see.
She clenched her fists to stop them from shaking. As she finished up the last few counts and waited for Yoongi to walk backwards, she saw the red dot once again and quickly closed her left eye as well, but it wasn’t fast enough. Her hand went up to rub it a little as she walked to the back of the stage.
The moment she heard the signal through her in-ears that their stage was over for real, she blindly rushed off to the wings to the side where she knew her manager would be. Her breathing was haggard as she fell to her knees.
She could feel herself start to tear up, so she raised her hands to wipe the tears away. Her chest felt too tight to breathe, and her throat hurt. The overwhelming fear of not being able to see anything kept her from opening her eyes.
“Yoonmi?” The voice that called out to her was distant yet familiar. “Hey, kid. Breathe, alright? You’re good, you’re okay. You’re backstage now. Can you open your eyes for me?”
“Sejin oppa...” her voice barely came out as a whimper, “I don’t...”
Her lack of breathing made it hard for her to speak. She heard people coming towards her, and suddenly she felt more suffocated. She didn’t need all if the staff seeing her like this and thinking she was a brat or a crybaby, but she couldn’t stop herself.
All of a sudden, someone hoisted her up into their arms and ran off with her to what she assumed was their waiting room. Her hand was placed onto this person’s chest.
“Hey,” the voice she recognized as Jungkook’s murmured to her, “breathe with me, alright? It’ll be okay. Breathe. I’m right here, so are the hyungs. What’s wrong?”
“Can’t see,” was all she managed to get out, “laser.”
The older maknae cursed under his breath while lightly kicking a door open. It was at times like these when being given their own waiting room seemed a little more like a blessing than normal.
She felt herself being placed onto the couch and Jungkook’s hand pressing over her eyes, making everything darker.
Her chest grew tighter as she realized that Jungkook had carried her that long way. What if the fans saw? She isn’t supposed to be getting too touchy with him or they’d hate her even more!
“Take a deep breath for me, Mimi,” he instructed her as he kept her hand on his chest, her resistance making him worry just a little more. “In, out. Yeah, just like that. Hyung!”
“What’s going on?” That was Namjoon’s voice.
“I think she might be having an anxiety attack, and I think lasers made her vision weird?”
“Well, get your hands off her,” Yoongi’s voice called out. “Someone shut the door and turn the lights off, somebody else call a medic.”
The mixed conversations all sounded faint to her, but she felt Jungkook’s hands lifted away. This simultaneously relieved her yet scared her.
“Yoonmi,” Yoongi’s voice called out to her, “it’s Yoongi oppa. Can we touch you?”
Her chest tightened even more when she heard that. She shook her head and shifted herself so she was sitting with her knees up to her chest and hands in her hair.
“No, okay,” Yoongi reassured her. “That’s okay. Can you do me a favor? Can you remove your hands from your hair and clutch onto this pillow instead?”
She could feel a pillow being placed against her knees. Following Yoongi’s request, she pulled the pillow closer to her.
“Open your eyes for me, princess.”
“Can’t,” her voice was choked. “Don’t want to. Scared.”
“Okay, that’s fine for now,” the elder reassured her. “Let’s talk about something, yeah? How’s the filming for your variety show going? Are your unnies taking care of you?”
The question came out of the blue, confusing her. She felt someone press a tumblr into her hand. It didn’t feel like her usual tumblr. On instinct, she took a sip.
“They’re nice,” she whispered. “They take care of me, and we’re learning a song together. We’re gonna film a music video, too.”
“That’s good, princess,” Yoongi praised her, “I’m sure you’ll do great. How about your solo debut? How’s the album coming?”
“The planning is going fast,” she told him, still a little confused with why the sudden questions. “I have my title songs, I’m just working on my b-sides a little more.”
“Sounds good. Look at you, you’re breathing is back to normal now.”
It was when he said that that she realized she could breathe properly. Her chest was still a little tight, her throat dry as well, but significantly less than a while ago.
“Can I touch you?”
She bit her lip a little, unsure if she should allow. Fans would hate it. Then again, she was backstage, and she really needed some form of comfort then.
Once she nodded, she felt the couch dip next to her and someone, presumably Yoongi, pulling her into his side and wrapping an arm around her. She let out a long sigh before cautiously opening her left eye.
She could see the blurry figures of her members, making her shut her eye back in fear and bury her face into the pillow that she held.
“What’s wrong?” Seokjin’s voice asked worriedly from in front of her.
“Blurry,” her voice was muffled but heard by everyone, “you guys look blurry.”
“Don’t worry too much,” Namjoon’s voice came up. “It was probably a laser pointer, right? As long as it wasn’t directly in your eyes for too long, you’ll be fine. This blurriness is temporary, okay?”
“I hope so,” was the last thing she said before she heard the door open and Jimin’s voice.
“I got the medics!”
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mycrofts-gunbrella · 3 years
Text
Caring is the Greatest Advantage- Part Eight (Mycroft Holmes x Reader)
Sorry for such a long delay!! It’s my little boy’s first birthday this week so I’ve been running around making arrangements and picking up last minute presents! Hope you enjoy this little chapter. It’s only 3K words, but it is a build up ready for the next chapter which will contain smut! Not full blown smut (I don’t think Mycroft is ready for that yet!) but still smutty nonetheless!
I will separate the smutty bit enough so that you can skip it if you want, but it will be referenced later on in that chapter!
Word Count- 3062
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This morning differed from the last few that you had experienced since staying at Mycroft's home, namely because Mycroft had awoken before you this time, but also because it was the first morning you had ever been awoken by long fingers prodding at your forehead. That and also because, despite last night's late events, you managed to arise at a reasonable 9am.
"Did you know there are a lot nicer ways to wake somebody up?" You questioned, opening your eyes to see Mycroft staring at you with a slight frown to his brow. He retracted his hand slightly and shifted to sit a little higher.
"You know, Sherlock as a child once woke me in a similar way. I felt small scratches on my eyebrows and woke up to see him crouched over me with a smug little grin on his face. As it turns out, he had slipped sleeping pills into my cup of tea before bed and in my slumber covered my eyebrows in toothpaste." You covered your mouth with your hand and snorted slightly. "He'd come in to see if there was anything left beneath them, which, of course, there wasn't.. claimed it was just an experiment. I'd like to laugh and be more dignified about it upon looking back, but I struggle because he was only six and already a sod."
"Okay, you've proven there are in fact worse ways to wake up." You didn't make big deals out of it, but every time Mycroft welcomed you a little more into the stories of his youth, you can't help but feel your heart warm. It may not seem like much, but coming from Mycroft, a very private man who hasn't been treated the best over the years, it meant everything. You stretched and moved your hands up to rub your eyes, flinching a little as your fingers brushed against the bit of your head above your eyebrows. "Bugger." You winced, poking again and feeling a small lump.
"I was going to warn you but you laughed at my traumatic eyebrow removal story." You groaned and recalled your memory of last night and where you believe the bruise originated from.
"I jumped into bed last night sulking a bit that you wouldn't talk to me and uh.. misjudged.." Mycroft snickered slightly from your side, you swatted his arm. "Tit. I'm blaming you. This wouldn't have happened if you didn't go all Han Solo in carbonite on me." You spoke playfully, letting him know you weren't truly peeved.
"I thought you said it was cute?"
"That was clearly a concussion talking." You stretched once more and climbed out of the bed, walking over to a mirror above a dressing table and rolling your eyes. "Might need your special government powers to clear out the cafe else Ms Woodall will think we've had a domestic." Bernice Woodall, owner of one of your favourite little cafes settled on the outskirts of St James' Park was a very.. particular lady. She could have a good laugh one moment, and start a quarrel with a customer over the amount they stir their tea the next. But, you'd have to admit, she has one hell of an all day breakfast menu; you could practically taste one of her omelettes just by thinking about it, making your stomach growl loudly.
"I would but, if I am to be very honest, she genuinely scares me a little. I think she could overthrow MI5 so I daren't even try." You stood and moved into Mycroft's bedroom, grabbing your bag of clothes and picking through a few of the pairs of your jeans Anthea had brought and scanning through the t-shirts. Your fingers brushed over the creases of the shirt that had formed from being stuffed in the bag and frowned.
"Perhaps it would be more suitable for you to pop those in one of the chest of drawers? I'm sure I have at least one drawer empty.." Myc's voice came from behind you and you fell from your crouching position, clutching your heart.
"You and your bloody spy legs, you just scared the shit out of me." You stood back up, your pile of today's clothes in one hand and the bag of the rest in the other. "Giving me a drawer in your place already? Ooh Myc you are serious." You grinned playfully, following him as he guided you to a set of drawers in the opposite corner of the room. Mycroft halted and opened his mouth to make some kind of comment but you cut him off, placing your folded clothes inside the Edwardian furniture. "Only teasing.. I'm just glad you haven't kicked me out yet. Though I don't think my own bed will ever feel as comfortable as yours. I might not want to go back now you've spoilt me, you'll just have to be blunt when you're bored of me." You winked at him and carried your outfit into the en suite bathroom to get ready. Mycroft headed over to his wardrobe to pluck out his own clothes, electing to remain somewhat casual for your trip to breakfast with a pair of navy chinos and a lighter blue button up before muttering slightly under his breath.
"And if I never am?"
In the rare parts of his life where he allowed to imagine himself getting into a relationship, Mycroft had never expected himself to be overwhelmed with so much emotion so quickly, but with you it was almost as though he had no control; as though there had been so many pent up feelings over the years that they just seem to have exploded without any rational thought behind it. And whilst these were all new to Mycroft, and how he still wasn't entirely sure about everything that he felt when it came to things with you, the only thing he was positive about was that he didn't want it to go. And that meant not wanting you to leave. Which was ridiculous. You had just under two weeks left together until you would be needed back at work, and he would have to return to fighting on Britain's behalf, but the thought of you not being at home to greet him when he finished, or him not being able to pick you up in one of his cars from the Yard to take you both home made him feel a sense of disappointment. He shook himself from his thoughts when you emerged from the bathroom fully dressed.
"On second thoughts, I may take the risk. I'm not sure I can have members of the general public associating me with a Sex Pistols fan, no matter how humerous you may believe that top to be." You walked out proudly wearing your 'God Save the Queen' t-shirt with a grin. "You are aware tha-"
"That when the Sex Pistols released their song 'God Save the Queen' in 1977 it was around the same time of The Queen's silver jubilee and thus it was banned for a while on the premise of being 'bad gross taste'? You've only mentioned it every time I wear this shirt.. Though if your research extended enough then you'd know Paul Cook said it wasn't written specifically FOR the jubilee.. So if one of Lizzie's spies catch me in the act, I shall make a very sincere apology." Mycroft took his own clothes into the bathroom to get ready himself and scoffed.
"But I AM one of 'Lizzie's Spies'." He mused, leaning slightly against the doorframe after settling the outfit on the counter. You turned around on your heel and stood up on your tiptoes, pushed him more forcefully against the doorframe and placed your hands on Mycroft's cheeks, pressing your lips softly against his. His shock subsided before he kissed you tentatively, his hand resting on your lower back. You pulled away after a moment and ushered him into the bathroom to get ready, closing the door behind you and leaving him still slightly red faced and confused.
"Consider that my sincere apology." You headed over to the dresser and began to tie up your hair. "But hurry up, I'm starving." You called, moving the hairbrush too low and brushing against your bruise, making you wince loudly. From the bathroom, you heard Mycroft's voice before the sound of him brushing his teeth.
"Head?"
"Well I was thinking more along the lines of breakfast, but who knows what the day will bring." You heard the sound of Mycroft choking on his toothpaste and wished to whatever deity out there that you could have seen his face. Yes, you had promised to try and be less overbearing with your comments but he walked into that one. You grinned and sat down on the side of the bed, briefly scanning through your phone before Mycroft emerged, his face still burnt a red as deep as the burgundy sweatshirt he had paired with his outfit. The fact he had come out at all at least let you know that your joke hadn't taken it too far.
"You're a minx."
"And you wouldn't change it. Now let's go!"
---
Only 20 minutes later had you both be found sitting comfortably in Ms Woodall's cafe, tucking into your respective meals- with you noticing, but not commenting on, Mycroft eating comfortably until the last bite of toast was gone, a sense of pride warming within you. Not too long after, Bernice herself headed over to clear up your tables.
"I trust everything was up to standard?" She asked, piling your plates onto her little trolley and offering top ups on your drinks.
"Splendid as usual, Ms Woodall." Mycroft smiled, accepting his new cup of tea and cradling it comfortably between his long fingers.
"Still proving to be our favourite place for breakfast." You praised, your hand reaching out to fondly brush against Mycroft's before taking your coffee into hand. Bernice watched your movements and raised her brow knowingly.
"Took the pair of you long enough. I had been half tempted to abstain from feeding you here until I got one of you to say something, it had started making me feel a bit sick watching you eye each other up each time you'd get up to order something." You rested your elbow on the table, hand covering your mouth as you let out a laugh.
"Yes, well, I can't promise you the ogling will stop on my behalf." You teased.
"And why should it? Mr Holmes in those posh little outfits is enough to make anyone swoon." And with that she had headed back out into the kitchen again.
"There you go, Myc. Should anything happen to me, my replacement is only round the corner."
"Mmm, and she does make a rather good cup of tea. Perhaps I shouldn't wait that long." His lip raised slightly in a smirk as he took a sip of his hot beverage.
"Oh really? Need I start getting possessive; stand my ground?" Before Mycroft could quip back, Ms Woodall had returned with a plate of biscuits in hand.
"Means you've already answered my next question, anywho." She hummed, placing the plate down between you and perching on the corner of the table beside yours. The pair of you gave her a questioning look and she continued, pointing up to her own forehead. "Tony and I were just as bad at the start of our marriage. Anywhere and everywhere we could get our hands on each other, I ended up with bumps and scrapes from alleys, the backs of cars, even in that one restaurant toilet that time.." You choked on your coffee and Mycroft all but dropped his teacup. "Oh don't act so ignorant, even us oldies had sex in their time." Your eyes caught Mycroft's and you could see him stifling down a laugh, biting softly on his knuckle- which, in itself, shouldn't have been as attractive to you as it was, but it is what it is.
"And with that thought, we best be off. Got a movie date planned." You commented, coughing down your own laugh as Bernice continued.
"Though to be fair it never stopped, all that spontaneity. Even towards the end, he could be like a lad of nineteen with how it was. God the positions, you'd have mistaken me for a gymnast and he could last for ages. I'd just lie there wondering 'will this pleasure never end'?" You could feel tears prick at your eyes as your laughter began to break through. "And then of course once Tony passed a couple years ago it all stopped. Shame really, all those years together, ending how it did.. Though sometimes I'm not sure if it's him that I miss or his massiv-"
"Ms Woodall we really should be going, thank you for breakfast." Mycroft hastily threw a few £20 notes on the table, far too much to cover your meal but enough to distract Bernice while tugging your hand and beelining for the door. Once safely distanced from the apparent nymphomaniac cafe owner you had to stop in your tracks to let out a laugh, Mycroft's hand still in yours as you doubled over.
"I can't believe she said that! She's so open."
"Evidently." Mycroft's comment set you off again, his laughter following, ignoring how you caught the attention of a few people passing by. "I do hope you are in no rush for breakfast there again any time soon, I don't think I can look her in the eye for a good while."
"Still so sure on replacing me with her so soon? I think she'd break you."
"Or turn me into a whore." You snorted and settled back to walking.
---
"Drink?"
"Please. Tea, hold the sexual history."
"I'll try my very best, though, much like my tea, I imagine my list would be abysmal in comparison to old Ms Woodall." You flicked on the kettle, eager to replace the half drunk coffee you had discarded on the cafe table in your escape from listening about pensioner sex. "Will you load up the movie?"
"No. But I shall get the film ready to go.. How the American dialect found its way back to England will never fail to disappoint me." You had followed him into the room shortly after, mugs on the table and settled on the sofa beside Mycroft.
"You know, typically, when people elect for a movie day, they don't choose the tenth movie in the series to watch first." You grinned, tucking your legs beneath your body in an attempt to get comfortable. You continued your shuffling movements and heard Mycroft's voice.
"I believe we both agree that Carry On Cleo is the superior of the 31 movies for, well, a multitude of reasons." He trailed.
"I shan't object. It's sweet that you remember it's the first one we watched together.. Had it not been for you hearing Kenneth's famous 'Infamy, infamy' line persuading you to come over, I fear that I'd have been set up with one of Greg's mates by now, sitting in a pub nursing a G+T."
"I never said I remembered that."
"You didn't have to. You and I both know that your favourite was always Carry on Camping."
"Yes, well.. Opinions change with experience."
"Is this our equivalent of a patronus? Yours has changed and matched with mine? Very cute, Myc. Might I expect you in a 'Never Mind the Bollocks' shirt next week?" You teased, electing to lay down with your head lightly using Mycroft's thigh as a pillow, feeling grateful when he didn't shove you off with a comment about ruining the linen of his trousers, and instead took to softly brushing his fingers over your head, narrowly missing the purple bump each time.
"You'd have better chances of catching me running naked down the street."
"Is that a promise?" A flick to your forehead.
"Just play the bloody film."
---
By the time the film had finished, your cheeks had hurt from smiling and your eyelids had felt heavy. Whilst getting up at a reasonable hour had felt like an achievement this morning, the lack of sleep from the previous night was beginning to catch up to you.
"Myc? Would it be entirely improper to nap on the sofa when there are multiple reasonable beds upstairs before continuing our films?"
"Only about as improper as it is to have a midday nap when you're not a young child." You shifted your head from his lap and sat up, ignoring the fact that you actually did end up ruining the linen of his trousers with the crease of your skull.
"Let me rephrase. Mycroft, would you be willing to break your proper posh boy streak and nap with me on the sofa?"
"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to deviate from one's usual behaviours in order to satisfy those one holds dear."
"That's a yes, right? Good, lay down, else I may just collapse right at this moment." Mycroft's sofa certainly was a significantly bit bigger than those usually found in somebody's front room, but it was still nowhere near wide enough for two people to lay with distance. Even still, he followed your request and rotated his body, lifting his long legs to rest down the side of the sofa while you slid into the gap beside him. He eventually circled his arm beneath you and rested his hand on your hip, your face softly brushing against the comforting material of his jumper. "If you drop me, I will be holding you accountable." You mumbled, shifting your body closer to his. He merely hummed, his hand slightly bunching in your shirt and his arm tightening. "I'd always hoped you were secretly a cuddler."
"Make a point of it or tell Sherlock and I'll throw you off." You couldn't even think of a witty comeback before your slumber had taken over, the smell of Mycroft and the sounds of him breathing overstimulating your senses. Mycroft being a secret cuddler hadn't been as much of a shock to you as it probably should have, but you welcome it completely and feel incredibly thankful that he trusts you enough to let you be that close to him, to feel his body in such a way. And you would embrace that- and him- as long as he would let you.
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theocanread · 2 years
Text
A MAP OF DAYS- MISS PEREGRINE’S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN
Page 357, chapter 14
SORRY I SKIPPED SO MUCH. AND IVE BEEN GONE. I had a two week break from school and didn’t read. Then today and yesterday I went ham.
Ok- I’m so sorry this will mainly be about Enoch ;~;
1. Him making a nest and sleeping in a closet? Iconic
2. His love for cars? Amazing
3. Calling other people dumb (constantly) and then telling someone in 65 the car is a 79 model? Hypocritical
4. Offering to commit arson in protest of segregation? Valid
5. BULLYING BRONWYN WITH HIS SARCASM? Rude
6. Awwww poor kitty meow meow was bullied by Abe awww. Virgin (derogatory)
7. THE FIT. I HATE IT. GROSS OMG GET OUT. YOURE DONE. “normal people scare me” STFU YOU WRETCH. Narsty
8. Cat zombie hoard do be kinda funny good for him. Comedic
9. He legit likes cars. Enoch’s interests: cars, war, arson, knives, mortuary science, sarcasm, pissing people off, Horace. VALID (again)
Ok time for Millard’s smaller section, which I will format differently.
He deserves the world. He’s sick of just being invisible and having to hide that from normals. He’s going off, what a king. Also…. He referred to turning invisible as “terrifying” when it first happened. The casual way he said it hurt my bones and my heart. Muah, golden boy, he can do no wrong. (I don’t count him stealing as wrong)
Good luck Hugh, I hope you find Fiona :( I miss her.
And Horace being a background character hurts my heart. Plenty of good Enoch content, but I do miss Horace a lot. I think he’s wayyy stressed about the present though. So he deserves to sit this one out :) he is very overwhelmed. Horace just wants to dress nice, make nice food, and be appreciated. I appreciate him fellas. %100 malewife.
Ok let me just quickly say a few things that bother me. (I may have mentioned one of them before, but I genuinely can’t remember. I’ll keep that complaint short)
For the record these are all about Enoch because I believe I just pay the most attention to him. (Sorry everyone else)
• He is 117 or so and was in a time loop in the 1940s, but didn’t age forward. That goes against the rules shawty. (He would have been born in the 1890s btw considering this was setup in book one, written in 2011)
•Enoch was not a part of the original group to get clothes at the mall. He had a line of dialogue AT THE MALL. Later Jacob specifically says no one on the mission got modern clothes. 😳
•Enoch and Bronwyn get in a fight at some point (before the mission.) and not only is Bronwyn super strong, but apparently sitting in the car is uncomfortable because of how long her legs are. Miss ma’am must be big. (I’d pictured her being built like Harriet Tubman, but she can be built like my sister that’s fine too) BUT HOW DID ENOCH LAST 2 SECONDS IN THAT FIGHT??? She would have had him pinned. There would not have been a struggle. Jacob says Enoch is like 5’3 in book one ya’ll. (Maybe it was 5’4)
SORRY EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ENOCH. HE HAS UNFAIRLY USED HIS CHARM AND STUPIDITY AGAINST MY BRAIN.
Also Ransom Riggs you ain’t slick. Somnusson? Somn….. sleep… F off
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earthfire-75 · 3 years
Text
You Send Me Flying
(Author’s notes: written with @nature-and-music, beta’ed by @lady-jane-revisited. Warnings: language, smut will come later)
I don't want to make a habit of this
But seeing you is like getting a fix
Every time I kid myself; I'll never do it again
Definition of love on a cliff
A lemming has no alternative
I want to die in your arms
That's my suicide wish
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Chapter One:
I’m at a party with Vince where he’s playing with his band, Rock Candy. We had gone to school together, along with Tommy, who we hadn’t seen or heard from since graduation. That’s about to change.
I’m talking with some of the guests around me when the singer’s set is over and start to excuse myself so I can join him at the bar. I’m getting better about being more social, but sometimes it’s still a little overwhelming. The next thing I hear is a familiar voice greeting Vince. I turn around just in time to see him hugging Tommy. When they pull away, I jump up to hug the other man in a bear hug.
“Tommy! I’ve missed you!” then I smack his shoulder, hard. “Where the hell have you been?!”
“Ow,” Tommy whined, rubbing his shoulder. “Trying to start a band, man! Damn, you hit hard!” His eyes light up and he pulls a tape out of his jacket pocket. “That reminds me! Vince, we still need a singer,” Tommy says, handing the tape over. “Give it a listen, will ya?”
Vince hesitantly takes the tape, asking who else is in the band. Tommy happily points out the other two who came with him. I lean toward Tommy, getting a better look. Both men are cute, but I have a weak spot for blue eyes.
“Who’s the short one?” I ask.
“Dude, no way!” Tommy laughs. “He’s like… old!”
“He doesn’t look that old! Plus, you know I have a thing for blue eyes.” I whispered that last part so only Tommy and Vince could hear. I look over at them again and I see him looking at me with a raised eyebrow. Had he heard us anyway?
“Gross,” Tommy mutters before turning his attention back to Vince. “Just give the tape a listen, man. There’s a number on it where you can reach us.”
“Yeah, alright, I’ll listen to it tonight.”
After a quick goodbye, I couldn’t help myself, watching the “old man” walk away. Vince laughs beside me. “You finally found someone you’re willing to give it up for?”
“Shut up, Blondie!”
About a week later, after convincing Vince to actually listen to the tape, we went to audition. Well, he did, I went for moral support. His girlfriend came too, who acted like a bitch from the moment we got there. She completely ignores Nikki’s greeting and then just stands there looking at them, half in disgust. I shake the bassist's hand in formal greeting, as does Vince.
“Nikki Sixx,” he addresses with a wide smile, then pointing to the “old man” as he plugged in his guitar. “That’s Mick Mars right there.”
He nodded his head as he adjusted his guitar strap comfortably upon his shoulder. I gave him a little smile, but his focus was on his instrument, something that I could understand.
Nikki tapped on my shoulder, “There’s some beer in the fridge if you want some.”
I thanked him and as I headed towards the kitchen, I couldn’t help but overhear Vince asking what was the matter to his girlfriend. Her response was something along the lines of making sure that the rest of the guys were good enough to play with him. The silence in the apartment was so prevalent that one could hear a pin drop after such a remark. I rolled my eyes as I cracked open the bottle cap, making my way back to the living room. The first strum of Mick’s guitar made my heart stop for a split second, the same feeling intensified when Tommy and Nikki played along as well. The vocals from Vince that came in seconds later really boosted their sound. I rested my back against the wall as I heard them play. However things came to halt when Vince’s girl told them to stop, commenting that their music was “too heavy.”
“Hey, how about giving him an actual chance?!” I asked a little more angrily than I intended. Then I turned to Vince. “You got this.”
The boys talked amongst themselves about changing up the tuning and tempo, Nikki recommending to Vince about where he could really push it vocally. Next thing we knew, the four of them practically created an earthquake, their little session could have brought the roof down! We were shocked and amazed at how incredible they sounded. It was heavy and just the right amount of aggressive. I clapped after they completed their song and exclaimed that they sounded amazing!
Tommy was ecstatic as he stood up and gave Vince a high five, “Fuck yeah dude! You sound amazing!”
Nikki appeared as if the wheels in his head were turning, reflecting on what just occurred in the last few minutes, meanwhile Mick simply stood there as if nothing happened. Tommy ran to the fridge to grab everyone a celebratory drink.
Nikki groaned, “Dude, come on, we need to save those for later-”
Tommy ignored his unfinished remark as he passed the bottles around, “That was crazy, Vince you sounded awesome! And Mick, holy shit, I’ve never heard guitar playing like that before!”
Mick shrugged as he took a gulp of his drink, “Whatever, come on we have more to work on.” He kept his head down and strummed the strings, although I could see a little smile pulling at his lips. “Alright, what’s next Nikki?”
The bassist turned to the band and so they played another tune, this time even louder and heavier than the previous one. The banging from the annoyed neighbors downstairs could barely be heard, although I could definitely feel the pounding from below my feet. I couldn’t help but get lost in their sound as I watched them, especially the way Mick’s fingers would manipulate and pull at the strings. If I didn’t know any better, I could have sworn that he looked at me for a brief second. Regardless of what I thought I saw, the musicians played one more song, one that was a little slower, yet still could pack a punch musically and lyrically. Tommy would perform a little trick where he would twirl his drum sticks when the timing seemed right, Nikki would put his best foot forward as he plucked the strings of his bass, Vince would proceed to move his body the way a snake slithers across the grass, and Mick had loosened up a bit himself. The guitarist would lean forward, pointing the neck of his instrument away from him and mimicking a shooting- like motion.
Now it was time for a break, they all congregated in the kitchen and helped themselves to another round of drinks. Even Vince’s girlfriend was more or less slowly warming up to the rest of the band. Although I could see from the looks on Nikki’s and Mick’s faces that they weren’t the least bit interested in her being around them with the attitude she gave them earlier. Mick looked over to me and I could see that little smirk again, but he actually kept it this time.
“So what do you think? About the music?” he asked.
I smiled, “You guys sounded amazing. I’ve never heard anything like it before. I don’t even think the punk music scene sounds this hard.”
Nikki interjected, “Yeah, well that’s them, not us.”
“Is that your best attempt at a ‘thank you’ Nikki?” I pondered with a chuckle.
“Shut up,” he responded with a chortle.
Vince’s girlfriend took her man by the arm, “Vince, can you step outside for a second? I want to talk to you.”
The poor man had no choice but to follow, giving us a nod and to let us know that he’d be back shortly. Once she was out of sight, everyone let out a sigh of relief.
“Hate to be him,” Nikki mentioned, causing Tommy to snicker. He turned to me, “Listen, we got to practice a bit more, but you're welcome to stay if you want to.”
I smiled and nodded, “Cool man, yeah I’d like that.”
Tommy sat up on the countertop, dangling his long legs as he took another swig, “Cool! So where are we gonna play first? I hope it’s not gonna be a bunch of pool parties or gyms.”
I rested against the fridge, “I think you guys need a name first, Tommy.”
“We’re gonna work on that tonight, as soon as Vince gets his ass back here,” Nikki noted. “And hey, when we get our first gig, you can come too. But the bitch ain’t coming.”
We could all wholeheartedly agree on that matter.
@nature-and-music @lady-jane-revisited @mickmarstookmyheart @sophiazeppelinchick @gothicfuneralsblog @thesmokingguns
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