#the last time I went to this specific one might've been three years ago

[raayllum]

One thing I noted watching The Dragon Prince is that the intro splits the same continent in half with the elves/humans so they started with the same amount of magical animals/plants each. There’s still some magical animals the human side but their presence is far, far reduced comparatively so do you think that’s specifically because of dark magic harvesting leading to more “normal” to our eyes species dominating?

I’m fairly surprised there isn’t a visibly established livestock industry’s for magic animals too (that way say your lunar moths can be renewably hatched each year, or a sheep population equivalent kept etc).

You seem very immersed in much of the lore so thought it’d be fun to at least pose as a query.

I think there's a few different things here to consider (that we'll probably never get a definitive answer on) but this is my best guess + what we do know about how dark magic operates:

Both regular animals and magical creatures can be used for dark magic. We know this because we've seen human blood be used in a couple of spells, Claudia puts grasshopper goop in Soren's mouth (2x08), and then later uses the deer in its entirety to undo Soren's paralysis.

That said, it does seem that magical creatures are more potent and preferred for dark magic spells. This makes sense - while you can use the life essence of anyone/anything for dark magic, creatures with magic inside them (any arcanum) are inevitably going to have more to "squeeze out" than a non magical creature would.

With that in mind, I think canon gives us a few answers and subtextual clues.

The most important one is something Viren refers to 2x05 (which has haunted me ever since), in which he cites that, "After centuries of fighting amongst ourselves, the five human kingdoms finally found balance, an era of peace." The Book 2 novelization gives a little more information about this period on conflict, explaining that "The first summit of the Pentarchy had been held centuries ago, and it had brought an end to the Mage Wars and created the modern order of the human kingdoms" (Ch17).

We don't know, of course, if this is precisely the same period of time. Maybe by helping to imprison Aaravos (and presumably disposing of the last king of Katolis), the Orphan Queen likewise helped put an end to the mage wars. Maybe she only came on the scene centuries after the mage wars! Who knows. "Held centuries ago" could mean three, which matches up with the Orphan Queen / Aaravos imprisonment timeline (and no more mister startouch elf preying on mages) or it could go back closer to 700-800 years. We'll just have to wait and see if we ever get more details!

Regardless, the Mage Wars and the fact they were likely fuelled by dark magic, since it was humans fighting amongst themselves, might answer why we see so few (known) magical creatures in the Human Kingdoms other than maybe glow toads: mages went after the most potent magical ingredients during the fighting, and reduced those numbers to virtually nonexistent or extinct.

I would imagine before the Mage Wars / even before Xadia split, maybe, more magical creatures were held and domesticated as livestalk. (Elves certainly do keep some animals as pets, such as Janai's flying hot cat, though I'd expect something like a Moonstrider to maybe have evolved as a sort of hunting companion.) However, humans on the eastern side and elves on the western side were likely forced to abandon any farms / communities they had in regards to animal care when the Exile / Schism happened. Information and resources might've been lost, as animals on one side of the continent were likely different compared to others, although some humans (who already lived in the west) and some elves (who already lived in the east) wouldn't have had to have moved.

That said, I think the simplest and shortest answer is just that there's not a lot of mages within TDP's world. For each group of people, we see a lot more warriors or diplomats than mages and they don't seem to regularly be employed in the military of kingdom we've seen, Sunfire or Pentarchy troops or otherwise. We can also guess that in the Pentarchy due to the specificity of the ingredients needed, sometimes, that Katolis by virtue of being closest to the Border would be primed to have the most dark mages and dark mage traffic / travellers (although I've HC'd that Evenere due to its isolation has a fair bit of lingering magic more than say Del Bar or Duren). But due to the amount of knowledge and ingredients required to seemingly do most dark magic spells, as well as the toll it takes on the body, I think it makes sense that most people wouldn't have the interest, access, or ability to pursue that kind of path when there's plenty of others that are less gruelling / easier

Magic is everywhere, and small pieces of magic (like Ruthari's moon opals) are everywhere, but outside of the specific skillsets of each primal (Moonshadow illusion spells and forgery, maybe cooking, forgery and healing for Sunfire elves) it doesn't seem like magic is something they readily depend on for food or livestock in their day to day lives. And if that's not the case for the majority in Xadia (only used in times of crisis, etc), I can see that need plummeting in the Human Kingdoms simply because it takes a lot more time/energy to maintain than might be necessarily utilized because of the low demand

This was all long winded speculation and hopefully mostly coherent. If you're interested in more deep dive worldbuilding thoughts I'd really recommend some of @kradogsrats stuff as it's great and a lot more eloquent / all encompassing tbh

#worldbuilding #dark magic #headcanons #darkwinganimus #tdp #the dragon prince #requests #analysis series #analysis #it's hard cause something like a banther COULD be a magical creature we just don't Know #and the giant fish clearly is (hi ocean arcanum) #i think the pentarchy has a much more consistent black market for dark magic parts #moving through katolis to the rest but again #more narrow and underground > built into society #tag ramble

[salamispots]

guess who went to the aquarium hehehe

#mE #muffled laugh #lion nudibranch #sketchbook stuff #sketches from today are on my instagram if you wanna take a gander and stare at more sea things #idk the last time I went #OH #the last time I went to this specific one might've been three years ago

[innerchorus]

Was Zahhak sealed 320 years ago or 1000 years ago? I think I might've misremembered it as 300/320, so I was shook when manga chapter 58 said it was 1000 years ago!

It's a mistranslation in Chapter 58! It says Zahhak was sealed away 1000 years ago, but it's actually Zahhak's reign that lasted for 1000 years. Your memory is right, he was actually sealed around 320 years ago.

(The image above is taken from Chapter 35, which makes the error even more annoying because the correct length of time had already been mentioned!)

There are a few other bits of info about the sealing of Zahhak that I've posted about before, but I'll include everything relevant here in case you're interested.

The reign of Zahhak began after he killed Sage King Jamshid, and lasted for 1000 years.

He was defeated by Hero King Kaykhusraw (who is the founder of the current Parsian royal line) 'more than 300 years ago', as is correctly stated in Chapter 35

Kaykhusraw was unable to kill him, and instead could only seal him below Mount Demavant

I'm not sure this is actually confirmed anywhere, but I think it's safe to assume that the current Parsian calendar begins from the start of Kaykusraw's reign, roughly 320 years before the main story (the start of the novel series and Chapter 2 of the manga - the year is given as Pars Era 321)

Further details from the novels about precisely how Kaykhusraw sealed Zahhak: ‘He had imprisoned him in a cavern deep beneath the ground, bound his entire body in bulky chains, cut the tendons of his arms and legs, and stacked twenty thick slabs of rock on top of him to obstruct his path to the surface. And then, after dedicating a prayer to all the myriad gods, he buried his own precious sword to serve as a seal.’

And also: ‘He who had raised armies to overthrow Serpent King Zahhak at the age of eighteen, and had unified the entirety of Pars and claimed the throne by the age of twenty-five, Kai Khosrow, now passed away at forty-five years of age. According to his will, his body was interred in full armor. It was said that the invaluable Ruknabad was dug out from Damavand at that time and moved to the hero-king’s coffin in his honor. When the sword was dug up, from beyond the twenty stone slabs a ghastly voice echoed, proclaiming, “One slab in fifteen years! Twenty slabs in three hundred!” — or so the legend went, but it was hard to say how much of it was true.’ (source for both excerpts)

As can be seen from the passage above, according to the legend, Zahhak was foretold to rise again 300 years after Kaykhusraw's death. The reason this didn't happen is because of the fact that Rukhnabad was placed within Kaykhusraw's sarcophagus. The power of Rukhnabad combined with the soul of the Hero King is enough to prevent Zahhak's return, even though by this point all 20 of the rock slabs have fallen down (Book 4 Chapter 5).

I'll be honest here, the dates are still giving me a bit of a headache.

I thought I'd got it all straightened out and that Kaykhusraw defeated Zahhak around 320 years ago and then died 20 years later, with Zahhak's revival being foretold to happen 300 years from that point. But that quote from Book 2 Chapter 4 mentions that Kaykhusraw began raising an army to defeat Zahhak at the age of 18. The story goes that it took him a year to raise his army of 365 men, after which he attacked and defeated Zahhak. But if that's the case, then it actually happened 326 years ago?

Ah, well. I suppose at this point it's a legend (and therefore probably shouldn't be read as a completely accurate telling of historical events) and maybe the separate dates of the defeat of Zahhak and Kaykhusraw's coronation and unification of Pars became muddled somewhere along the way. The fact that the manga panel I included above says 'more than 300 years ago' rather than anything more specific could support the notion that the precise year isn't known.

One more thing that I noticed and thought was interesting: the big earthquake that happens at the end of Chapter 58 is 'said to be the first of its kind in 20 years'... who wants to bet these earthquakes line up with the rock slabs falling down?

#arslan senki #the heroic legend of arslan #team zahhak

[cptn-stvngrntrgrs]

can you do a post- endgame romanogers fic? Steve and Natasha are married for 2 years now and suddenly she becomes sick. She panics because it might be a late effect of the soul stone which Steve very much disagreed. They went to the doctors and found out she's carrying a child! Steve tells her that the soul stone might've probably healed her

hi anon! thank you for this - i had fun with it!!!

Title: I guess we got the better end of the bargain

Relationship: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanoff

Steve got Natasha back - soul for a soul indeed. But what they didn’t know was that Natasha got something back as well.

set post-Endgame and Nat and Tony are very much alive

Also posted on AO3!

Natasha woke up just as the sun started peeking in through the blinds. She blinked, feeling a bit too warm in Steve’s arms. He was still fast asleep, probably worn out from the mission he just came back from the night before. She terribly missed him - he was gone for two whole weeks, longer than he expected. It was the longest he’s been gone since the whole Thanos fiasco, and she has to admit that they were both pretty shaken up from it.

She wanted to stay in bed longer, to stay wrapped in his arms, but she wanted this morning to be a bit more special so she decided to just get up and make Steve some breakfast. She carefully wiggled herself out of his arms to not wake him up and made her way to the kitchen.

About half an hour later, just as Natasha was frying bacon, she felt his arms hug her from behind and his lips attach to her neck. “Good morning Mrs. Rogers,” he greeted, his voice husky and muffled by her skin.

“Good morning Mr. Rogers,” Natasha retorted, grinning and tilting her head to give him a swift kiss before turning back to flip the bacon.

“I missed you,” he whispered, still pressing kisses all over her neck.

“Mhm, I know - you made a pretty good point of showing me that last night,” she smirked.

Steve chuckled. “Want me to show you again?”

Natasha rolled her eyes, pushing him off her as she put the bacon on the plate. “It’s time for breakfast,” she walked towards the table and Steve followed her, pouting.

“Can we skip to dessert already?” he added, sweetly.

“Nope, breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” she teased, winking at him.

Steve filled her in about his mission over breakfast, with Natasha making occasional comments. They’re slowly rebuilding SHIELD up, with Maria Hill as the new Director. The Avengers are helping her with it; completing missions, training new agents and recruits, as well as keeping tabs on everyone else. Well, the rest of the Avengers anyways - those who are either permanently living in the Compound, or like Steve and Natasha, live near it.

Steve’s mission was with Sam and Wanda - it was just a standard mission of gathering intel from an underground nuclear weapons dealer and to possibly take down the operation. It should’ve been five days max, but they were compromised and had to stay longer than necessary.

“Well I’m just saying, you guys could’ve called me for backup,” Natasha said, frowning at Steve’s story as she at her toast.

“Nat, I couldn’t put you in danger like that,” Steve quietly reasoned.

“Oh, but it’s okay if you were the one in danger?” she snapped back. She doesn’t want to get pissed, she really doesn’t, but Steve can be a tad bit overprotective sometimes. And her emotions are all over the place lately, probably from the lack of Steve, she figured.

Steve sighed, drinking his orange juice. “Nat-”

He didn’t finish what would’ve been his plea for her to drop the issue because Natasha was suddenly on her feet and running to the bathroom. Steve, alarmed, ran after her.

Natasha was crouching down by the toilet, throwing up. Steve crouched right behind her, holding her hair up and rubbing her back as she continued to puke. She coughed once it was over and Steve pulled a towel from where it was hanging behind him and handed it to her. They were now sitting on the toilet floor, and Natasha all but collapsed weakly into Steve as she wiped at her lips.

“Nat, what happened? How long have you been sick?” he asked, once she has stood up and brushed her teeth.

Natasha didn’t answer but instead, made her way to the living room and sat on the couch. Steve followed her and sat next to her, grabbing her hands to hold. He rubbed his thumb at her knuckles as an attempt to soothe her.

“Nat, please talk to me,” Steve encouraged after a while of silence. She’s staring straight ahead, looking a bit pale, and Steve can’t help but to feel scared.

Natasha still has a lingering fear in the back of her mind. Vormir must have done something to her. She was the only one who had to… well, basically die to get the stone, and surely, that has to have taken some toll on her, right?

But then again, that was two years ago. A lot has happened since then.

They got married shortly after - a small ceremony at the newly rebuilt Compound’s training field that was transformed into a magnificent garden for a day. Well, it wasn’t really a “small” event since all the Avengers were there, and there’s quite a lot of them. Still, they were all Natasha and Steve’s family, and of course, everyone wants to see them finally tie the knot after so many years of “bad timing” as Steve called it.

Morgan and Lila were the cutest flower girls, and Nate was an adorable ring-bearer. Sam and Bucky were both Steve’s best man since he just won’t choose one between them. Wanda was Natasha’s maid-of-honor, and the girl was smiling brightly the whole day, even through her tears as Steve and Natasha said their vows.

It was easily the best day of Natasha and Steve’s lives.

All was well after that - Natasha and Steve moved to a house about thirty minutes away from the Compound. As hard as it was, they tried to put the whole snap and undoing of it, the Time Heist, and such in the past. They moved on with their lives.

Steve gave her hand a little squeeze and Natasha’s eyes snapped to him. She cleared her throat.

“This is the fourth day in a row.” she said in a low voice. She ignored the first two days she’s thrown up, thinking she just ate something bad. When she was sick again yesterday, she started to become a bit more concerned.

Steve’s eyes widened a bit, but he stayed silent. “Do you think…” she trailed off, but he knew what she was thinking.

“That this has something to do with the soul stone?” Steve finished for her. “Nat, I don’t know…” he said, shaking his head. “It’s been two years since then. Why would the effects show up this late?”

Natasha shrugged. “We don’t know what it really did to me. Yes, you brought me back. But is that the end? We don’t know that!” she threw her hands up.

Steve nodded, letting one of her hands go to rake his hand through his hair. “Do you want me to call Bruce?”

“Yes please.”

Steve stood up, leaned down to kiss her forehead, and went to their room to get his phone and call Bruce.

Natasha lied down on the couch, her mind racing with ideas on why she might be suddenly sick. She keeps telling herself that she just caught the bug, but it’s been four days. And she’s not too sick , but she just… feels like something is off. Her thoughts lingered on the soul stone. That must be it, she thought.

She gotta admit, she hasn’t fully ruled out “brain tumor” just yet. She looked it up on WebMD a couple of days ago - which okay, was a bad idea - and it turns out, nausea and vomiting are some of the symptoms of brain tumor.

“Bruce said he can meet us in the Compound in three hours,” Steve’s voice broke her out of her reverie, which she was glad for because her thoughts were about to spiral down on the idea of having a brain tumor.

Steve cleaned up the table and soon joined her in the couch. She curled up on his lap, and he kissed her as he reassured her she’ll be okay. Natasha nodded and rested her head on his chest as Steve turned the TV on and flipped the channels until he landed on a movie. Natasha dozed off after a while.

–

Steve was standing off to the side as Bruce checked Natasha’s vitals. It’s odd at first - Bruce fusioned with the Hulk as a doctor. Natasha looked so tiny next to him. Bruce had trouble adjusting at first too, with medical supplies being too small. Good thing Tony made some “modified” tools specifically for Bruce.

“Well, everything looks normal,” Bruce announced, taking off his stethoscope. Natasha sat up and looked at Steve then to Bruce.

“Should we run some other tests?” Steve asked.

“Yes, I say we definitely should. This could be a prolonged effect of the soul stone, or not,” he added, seeing Natasha’s frown deepened, “but we just have to be sure. I’ll call in Strange to help me operate the machines and diagnosis.”

An hour later, Dr. Strange arrived at the Compound. After Bruce briefed him about Natasha’s current condition, he suggested they do an ultrasound exam first.

“An ultrasound? What for?” Natasha asked.

“Yes, abdominal and pelvic ultrasounds. These are just to rule a few things out, like pregnancy.” Stephen answered.

Natasha nearly scoffed, while Steve stiffened. “Strange, I can’t get pregnant. You know that,” she reminded him.

Strange nodded. “Yes, I know. But it’s just routine, Natasha. And we can also see if maybe the vomiting is caused by something else, like gallbladder stones and whatnot.”

Natasha agreed and after changing to a gown, lied down on the seat next to the ultrasound machine. Steve stood right next to her, holding her hand.

“I’m going to start with your upper abdomen and I’m going to work my way down,” Strange explained. He spread the gel over her abdomen and moved the wand around. They were watching the screen intently, although Natasha and Steve has no clue on what’s happening. Occasionally, Strange would pause to zoom in, and Bruce would throw comments here and there.

After a while of scanning, Strange squinted at the screen and he and Bruce exchanged a look. He shook his head and rotated the wand for a different angle until he stopped and zoomed in on the image.

“No way…” Bruce whispered, taking a closer look at the screen, glancing at Strange and seemingly having a mute conversation with him.

“What is it?” Natasha asked, a little alarmed.

“Natasha, you’re… you’re pregnant,” Strange answered, turning to look right at her.

Natasha’s mouth dropped, not being able to comprehend what she just heard. There’s no way she’s pregnant - the Red Room made sure of that! No, no, this was some sort of mistake.

“But Natasha can’t get pregnant,” Steve spoke out for her. He too, looked thoroughly confused.

“There has to be some sort of mistake,” Natasha reasoned out, but her mind was spinning. Her grip on Steve’s hand hardened and she could swear she saw him flinch.

“I understand that, but here, look,” Strange zoomed in on the image and used the controls to highlight the screen. “This over here is the sac. And that,” he moved right at the screen to touch it, “is your baby. You really are pregnant, Natasha.”

Natasha and Steve stayed silent, both seemingly trying to process this information. They looked at each other then at the screen, then at the doctors.

“Congratulations…?” Bruce said, smiling at them, trying to gauge their reactions from the look on their faces.

The men still didn’t say a word until Natasha let out a sound that sounded like a choked laugh.

“I’m pregnant.” Natasha declared, more to herself than anyone. As if she’s testing the words and saying them out loud as a confirmation. She looked up at Steve, “Steve, I’m pregnant!” she let out, her eyes starting to fill with tears.

Steve nodded and smiled brightly at her, his eyes mirroring hers and leaned down to kiss her. “We’re having a baby,” he whispered at her lips.

Natasha nodded and giggled, feeling giddy. Pregnant. Wow. She’s actually carrying her and Steve’s baby. She never thought this was possible, but what surprised her the most was that she wasn’t even… scared or anything like that. All that she was feeling was pure joy and excitement. Sure, she’s still very much confused on how she was able to get pregnant, which reminds her…

“But how am I pregnant?” she asked, looking back at Bruce and Stephen.

“What, you’re telling me you and Cap don’t use protection?” a voice piped up, and Tony suddenly showed up, a big grin on his face.

Bruce and Stephen chuckled while Steve’s face reddened. Natasha just rolled her eyes fondly. “Well to be fair, we never really needed one,” she told him.

Tony laughed and approached the screen. “I just dropped by to talk to Bruce and I was told he’s here. Congratulations! You’ll love parenthood,” and he left the room with a wink.

Bruce cleared his throat. “Well, to answer your question, we honestly don’t know.”

“Do you think it’s the soul stone? I mean, it might have healed her when she was… there,” Steve suggested.

Strange hummed and nodded. “I think that makes sense. Maybe in a way, she was fixed? Replenished?”

“We could talk to Gamora and the rest of the Guardians to get some more insight, if you want.” Bruce said, looking at Natasha.

She nodded. “We can. But can we go back to the baby now?” she smiled. “Strange, do you know how far along am I yet?”

Strange picked up the wand and put it on her belly again. “Hmm, around 6 to 7 weeks, it seems. Oh, hold on,” he pressed some buttons and they all heard a thumping sound. “That’s the baby’s heartbeat,” he said with a smile, glancing at Steve and Natasha.

Natasha put one hand over her mouth, astonished. Steve squeezed her hand that he was holding and let out a soft laugh. “We’re going to have a baby,” he whispered, looking at Natasha then around the room with a wide smile.

—

An hour later, Natasha and Steve were at the common room with Strange, Bruce, Tony, and Pepper to talk about the pregnancy. Pepper was on the couch, very excitedly holding onto Natasha’s hand.

“Now, Natasha, we don’t want to scare you but,” Strange and Bruce shared a look, “be careful. We still have to run some tests and we have to monitor the baby carefully.”

“We’ll get my doctor from when I was pregnant with Morgan,” Pepper said, squeezing Natasha’s hand when she tensed up for a bit. “She’s one of the best in the nation and she’ll take good care of you.” Natasha nodded and smiled at her.

“For now, please don’t take any missions or do anything too physical.” Bruce piped up, handing Steve and Tony mugs with coffee. The two took it gratefully and gave him a pat on the back.

“How do you feel, though, Romanoff?” Tony asked, taking a seat across from her.

Natasha and Steve exchanged a look and he gave her a smile while sipping his coffee next to Tony. “I have to say, I was really glad it wasn’t a brain tumor,” she answered with a laugh. Tony almost spit his coffee up and raised an eyebrow at her. “I may have looked at WebMD for a minute.”

“But to answer your question,” Natasha continued, “I’m happy. Really happy.”

Pepper practically melted at her answer and gave her a hug, while Steve stood up and stood behind her, his hands giving her shoulders a squeeze, and kissing the top of her head. She looked up at him and felt her eyes water again. Wow, they are right - pregnancy does make her more emotional. But she just couldn’t believe it - she knew Steve wanted kids and although he perfectly accepts that she can’t have any, she still sees the way he is with Morgan or Clint’s kids. Natasha smiled even though she can feel a drop of tear fall - he’s going to be the perfect dad. “We’ll be a family.”

Notes: 

thanks for reading!

--and i hope i did the whole ultrasound thing correct? i have no medical background lol (im a business student, im so bad at science huhu sorry mom) but i did watch a couple of ultrasound videos and read up on it. i didn't think there were so many types of ultrasounds!!!!! i only ever had one to check for pcos (tmi, sorry) and i kinda used my experience to help write that scene lol

--ngl i might add to this - i kinda like the idea of James post-endgame!!!

#romanogers #sorry this took a while; my laptop broke!!! #hope u like it anon!!! #@ everyone pls send me more prompts; its summer and im bored lol #fanfic #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #captain america #black widow #the avengers #post-endgame #endgame #stevenat #stevetasha #fic #steve rogers x natasha romanoff #marvel #mcu #avengers endgame #fluff #james rogers #soul stone #anon #fanfic prompt

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Jesse

Jac: I think I've actually lost it fully now Jesse: ? Jac: You'd tell me, yeah Jesse: go on Jac: If I've been talking to imaginary people for the last two years, I'll be fuming at you Jesse: you've barely said owt for the last 2 years Jac: yeah, and that's served me so well today, Jesus Jac: Savannah Moore is here Jesse: add her middle name in an' all Jesse: ain't sure who you mean Jac: This is why I don't talk, twat Jesse: Sav's here and you feel what? Jac: More shocked than you are Jac: have you been checking her UCAS app or her socials, like? Jesse: you knew she might Jac: I stopped thinking maybes and what-ifs about her a long time ago Jesse: half an hour ago? Jac: Shut up Jac: you aren't helping here Jesse: I'm asking how it went Jesse: seeing her Jac: Inconveniently and mindfuckingly well Jesse: alright Jesse: start with the 1st bit Jac: Inconvenient? Jac: Well, it's inconvenient because she's still the most perfect person who's ever existed Jac: confirming that I was right every time I looked at a pretty girl and thought that she didn't compare to her Jesse: she's single now, I heard Jac: Therein lies the headfuck Jac: because one minute she's complimenting me, telling me she's missed me and everything else I could possibly wanna hear Jac: then the next she's talking about marrying Princes and having lots of perfect babies Jesse: with what word? Jesse: or words Jac: Perfect Jac: that's what she said Jac: that I was Jesse: not much of a headfuck then Jesse: she's being clear Jac: but it's not though, is it Jac: 'cos this is how she used to talk to me Jac: and we know what happened there Jesse: then either she's trying to tell you fuck all's changed Jesse: or she's testing the waters to see what could Jac: This is just Jac: unreal Jesse: what did you say back? Jac: I'm not prepared to read that back yet Jac: I was just trying not to overstep the mark and freak her out the whole time Jac: but obviously, some shit came out Jesse: shit that you wanted to come out or nah? Jac: that depends Jesse: on her Jac: Yeah Jesse: alright, what do you know about how her 2 years were? Jac: right Jac: she didn't like her school Jac: her sister did Jac: her dad is controlling as fuck, sounds like Jac: her mum had some kind of breakdown that was a long time coming and Sav didn't see her much and feels guilty about it all Jac: oh, and she had a boyfriend the whole time, obviously Jac: but he dumped her at the end of school Jesse: and she missed you Jac: yeah Jac: and that it weren't the same, with anyone else Jac: talking, being mates, like Jesse: that's loads Jesse: that's her letting you in Jac: She's a pretty open person Jac: I think Jac: I don't know Jac: not like us Jesse: you gave her nowt back then Jac: Not exactly Jac: I didn't spill my heart out there and then but I tried to be honest Jac: without being too much, you know Jesse: yeah Jac: Am I making a horrible mistake Jac: going back Jesse: not by talking to her Jesse: sounds like she needs it Jac: What do I need? Jesse: a drink Jesse: but not if you're seeing her again Jac: We're going shopping Jac: I had to get half an hour so I could scream into a pillow Jac: and message you, obvs Jesse: clothes? Jac: Potentially, but shit for my dorm, mainly Jesse: don't try anything on Jac: that's your advice, yeah? Jac: tah Jesse: 1st bit Jac: Don't hold out on me Jac: go on Jesse: slow it down Jesse: much as you can Jac: Alright Jesse: there's loads you don't know Jesse: she still might not know herself Jac: She definitely still projects straight Jac: whether she's thought about any other possibility privately, yeah, I don't know Jac: but then I might've said I fancied some Scottish lad accidentally so I can't say much Jesse: nice one, you prick Jac: I'll miss you too, dickhead Jac: she was going on about boys, I had to say SOMETHING Jesse: did you ever reckon she might be going on about boys to see what you'd say Jac: Pretty sure it was her ex she was chatting about, so unlikely Jac: and I couldn't drop in that I'd had fantasies about digging his eyes out with rusty spoons so Jac: it made sense at the time Jesse: last thing you said to her you were straight an' all Jesse: and you confirmed it 2 years on Jac: but I'm clearly painfully in love with her 😩 Jac: it's some bullshit that I've got to put that out there again to be shot down, again Jesse: she might need you to put it out there so she can do something Jesse: she might be reckoning she's going mad right now Jac: It'd be an effective way to get her off the course, but I don't know if I can handle the guilt of making her move to another shithole Jesse: it was her mum that tried to top herself, weren't it? Jesse: just realised Jac: What Jac: oh no Jac: you're 100%? Jesse: might not be Jesse: but I remember people talking about something Jesse: the time-line isn't off Jac: Shit Jac: well, I'm gonna need you to check because I had no idea Jac: she asked if I heard what happened with her mum but she obviously didn't go into specifics when I said nah Jac: what did I even say back, fucking hell Jesse: if it were her, she made a big scene about her 💔 on Facebook or somewhere beforehand Jesse: be easy to 🔍 Jac: How did I miss this Jac: I mean, I know how, I had to purge her from my life completely but Jac: that makes a lot of sense Jesse: you're fuming about the boyfriend and I get it Jesse: but who else had she got Jac: I'm not fuming at him Jac: like I wasn't actually fuming at Isabelle Jac: I know it's my own shit, but that didn't stop me holding it against them because it's easier Jesse: his existence, whatever Jesse: I'm saying everyone needs someone Jesse: it don't mean she doesn't want you Jac: that's the point, she's entitled to date whoever she likes, trust whoever she likes, and she should have that Jac: but when I wasn't enough that left me with no one Jac: and I was pissed at any lad who dated her for supposedly being half of me but still getting 1st place, and pissed at Isabelle for not being half of her but thinking it were the same in any way Jac: It was just Jac: I was angry all the time Jac: and she doesn't need that Jesse: she does if you're gonna do or be fuck all with her Jesse: she needs to know what it were like for you and you need to know what it's like for her Jac: I know Jac: but I don't know if I can open myself up to the possibility of that much hurt again Jesse: if you want me there, I'll be there Jesse: country not the convo Jac: I've been here all of ten seconds Jesse: give a shit Jesse: and bagpipes might be what this track needs, selfish prick Jac: 😂 Jesse: you ain't asked me my thoughts on how fit the Scottish are either Jesse: could be well in Jac: I've already covered that nicely without you, tah Jac: and fuck all people here are Scottish, it's mad Jesse: 👍 Jesse: do me better then Jac: Am I a compulsive liar or what? Jesse: bit strong Jac: I said I was more honest now Jac: and I did say some shit I meant to Jac: but why the fuck couldn't I just Jac: say it Jesse: you can't undo all that straight girl bollocks in a day Jesse: she don't even realise Jac: I just didn't wanna let her down when she said her kids needed best friends Jac: that's as mental as it sounds Jac: fucking hell Jesse: hang on Jesse: what Jac: not kids like current, she's not had a load Jac: when we were friends, the plan was, we go to uni together then we get jobs in the same field and then we have kids and live in the same place so they can be friends forever like us Jac: I am aware male friendships tend not to go that hard Jac: straight girl bollocks Jesse: I dunno what the fuck to say to that Jac: This is what I'm saying Jac: she'll just drop stuff like that Jesse: she wants to doing everything in her life with you forever, that's really gay Jac: only with 🤴🏾🤴🏾 in tow Jac: it'd 🤯 if I suggested we could take the spunk and run Jac: not part of the fairytales, is it Jesse: that's the point Jesse: she wants what she's been conditioned to want Jac: Maybe by year three we'll be sorted Jac: our head of department legit warned us that loads of people split up once they start #realizingthings on this course, like Jesse: right laugh Jac: 🧠 Jac: the laugh is me being able to help anyone's fucked head by the end of this, like Jesse: I dunno, you've helped me a bit Jac: if you write a song about this I'll expect a fucking fat check out of it Jesse: I can get my own straight boy whenever I want Jesse: you ain't special Jac: How dare you Jesse: 🖕😏 Jesse: 🤠 Jac: I should just Jac: never attend lectures and never leave this room Jesse: piss off Jesse: she'd come 👀 Jac: I can't be her maid of honour Jac: something's got to give, at some point Jesse: then don't Jesse: give her the options Jac: well easy in theory Jac: like LOVE ME OR LEAVE isn't an insane thing to throw at someone Jesse: like she hasn't thrown loads of mad shit at you Jac: If I could be more like her, I would Jac: 1000% she's not sat in her room freaking out right now Jac: she just does and says what she wants and moves on Jac: I do none of the above Jesse: how's that working out for her? Jesse: she sounds buzzing to me Jesse: not fucked up at all Jac: We're both insane Jesse: when you met her she was crying in a bathroom Jesse: just saying Jac: I remember, thank you very much Jac: I feel like I was a fucking predator Jac: like I knew she was vulnerable or some shit Jesse: don't start Jac: If I'd focused on being a better friend Jac: none of this would've happened Jac: just saying Jesse: you wanna be more honest, you said Jesse: how is suppressing how you feel and friendzoning yourself doing her any favours Jac: She said I always say the right things, when it matters Jac: it worked Jac: 'til it didn't Jesse: the right things for her Jesse: stop being a dickhead and say the right things for you Jac: but Jac: fuck me, you know Jesse: we all take the piss out of Jude but she's the happiest for doing it, deny it Jac: if you want me to do anything, saying I'll be like Jude is a bad tactic Jesse: it ain't about what I want Jac: yeah well Jac: reckon our time is up Jesse: bit rude Jac: I told you at the top you had half an hour Jesse: she's kept you waiting years Jesse: might make it forever if you're right about the best friend babies bollocks Jac: you wanna have a word with your own mixed messages Jac: first you want me to tell her everything, now you want me to stand her up Jesse: you fucking heard me say slow it down Jesse: that's not spilling owt in a changing room, Jackie Jesse: sort your head out Jac: Don't call me that Jac: and don't be pissy 'cos your advice has gone in about 20 different directions Jac: it's a confusing situation, I did not need you to mansplain that to me Jesse: shots fired, Jacqueline 🤠 Jesse: I ain't got the full story and neither have you Jesse: can't do nowt about that personally Jac: that's why I'm going to go see her now Jac: I'm touched, you're so upset about me leaving Jac: but I'll be back at Christmas Jesse: I ain't about to leg it from my emotions Jesse: I can say I'm upset Jac: No shit Jac: your bread and butter Jac: I'm gonna get paid for understanding other people's, not my own Jesse: I just Jesse: not again, you know Jac: I'm fine Jac: seriously Jesse: Dad ain't entered the chat Jesse: you can't fob me off with no fine Jac: this wasn't a 'meant to call the samaritans, called you by mistake' situation though Jac: I really am Jac: no real emergency here Jesse: alright, but if takes longer than 2 years to get a word out of you should this go tits up again, I'll be fuming Jac: you should say you enjoyed the peace and quiet Jesse: it was shit Jac: I know Jesse: I'm chuffed you get to have another crack at it but Jesse: trying to write some less angsty bollocks here Jac: I've got to see it through regardless Jac: we all know that Jac: she's here, we're on the same friggin' course, there's no ignoring it now Jesse: well yeah Jesse: just if you could gimme 😁 or 😍 for next summer, I'd have a hit Jac: if you can get your own straight boy, you can get your own 😁 or 😍 Jesse: you really need to have a word with yourself about this aversion you've got to inspiring me Jac: you'll be on the list of top users with me if you don't stop stealing people's angst and heartbreak for dollar Jesse: soz I don't have my own Jac: ugh Jac: go away now, bastard Jesse: 👍 Jesse: good talk Jac: was passable, anyway Jesse: have Jude rate it /10 Jac: she gets the room to herself Jac: she owes me rn, not you Jesse: what rating's she got Sav on? Jac: She's not dare do that in years Jesse: if she knew it'd be - figures Jac: again, using our sister's poor taste is nothing but affirming Jac: she doesn't like you, by the way Jesse: Jude? Jac: Ha, no Jac: Savannah Jesse: knew that Jac: Well it cheered me up a great deal Jesse: fancying both me and you would be a headfuck too far for her Jac: Don't be disgusting Jesse: it would Jesse: especially as she only likes lads if they're exactly right Jac: Boring, is what you mean Jesse: safe Jac: lacking personality Jesse: long as they make up for it in looks Jesse: so she can take a good 📸 Jac: ew Jac: not even Jac: they look like male versions of her, which is to say less refined and nowhere near as pretty Jesse: psychoanalyse that Jac: don't take a degree Jac: if they look like her, they look like her dad Jac: or her ma, whichever way she's feeling it Jac: then she can do it right and no one gets hurt Jesse: 🤢 Jac: 🤷 Jac: don't judge Jac: 'cos ours have only fucked you up in ways that make you decent enough at 🎶 that it's worth it Jesse: tah for giving 'em all the credit Jesse: nowt to do with me Jac: come off it Jac: you get enough general acclaim Jesse: sound more thrilled Jac: If you think I'm about to express an emotion for you Jesse: not that thick Jesse: finished school and everything me Jac: I was there Jac: believe it or not Jesse: 👻 Jac: 🙄 Jac: something like that Jesse: piss off and see your girlfriend then Jac: 👍