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couldntbedamned · 9 months

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Feels So Right, Can’t Be Wrong - Yellow Narcissus

Summary:

The setting: Sanctum General Hospital in Sanctum Heights, New Amsterdam Starring: Sharon Carter - former Central Security Bureau operative, Selecting Spouse in a horrifically failed Bureau of Civic Spousal Selections marriage, patient AND Anthony Edward "Tony" Stark - owner and CEO of Stark Industries, Futurist determined to rebuild a world his father built weapons to destroy, love interest With Appearances by: Nurse Wong, Orderly Rintrah, and Billy the Admin And Featuring Doctor Stephen Strange as "the Surgeon" Or, "Five Dates Tony and Sharon Had in Her Hospital Room and One They Had After She Was Discharged"

AO3 Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - 1950s, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Marriage of Convenience, Past Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Getting to Know Each Other, Dating, Past Domestic Violence, 5 Times, Annoyed Stephen Strange, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Sharon Carter Deserves the World

Author’s Note: So this kind of just popped up as I was kicking around thoughts of just how Tony and Sharon met and eventually fell in love as mentioned in my fic Goodbye Grey Sky, Hello Blue, so this takes place well before the events of and can be read independently of that story.

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Yellow Narcissus

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Tony whistled to himself as he installed the double-oven units. He could have done it in his sleep, but for Stephen's peace of mind - the man was an admitted control freak - he followed the installation guide to the letter. He'd personally reviewed and signed it off, after all. He couldn't exactly go against the techie's union, either.

(Howard Stark might have disdained unions, but Tony liked to think he knew better.)

"I take it your date went well last night?" Stephen asked. He was drinking coffee from the newly hooked up Stark Coffee Press.

"It did," Tony confirmed.

"How long did you spend rolling in the sheets before you sent her on her way?"

Tony winced. The thing was, it wasn't an unfair question. His reputation as a playboy wasn't unearned... During the year in college they'd participated in the exchange and shared a dorm one semester at MIT and the other at Columbia, Stephen had returned to their room more than once to find he was locked out and Tony "entertaining" a lady. And yes, Tony had made a habit of either making his flings leave or leaving them. He couldn't fault his friend for assuming this would be the same.

But he didn't want anything related to Sharon equated to his past behavior.

Sharon was more than a fling.

"We had a very nice dinner, listened to The Lawrence Welk's Radio Hour, and I kissed her hand goodnight. Then I returned to my hotel room alone, where I remained. Also, alone."

Stephen raised a brow. "You're serious about her."

"I am," he admitted. "She's unlike any woman I've ever met."

"And you like her enough to listen to Lawrence Welk," Stephen said, amused. "I'm pretty sure my mother used to listen to that show."

"Rhodey happens to be a fan and it's rubbed off on me," Tony said. "So, it wasn't a hardship. The show featured a tribute to Mel Tormé. I happen to enjoy his music."

"Mel has some good music," Stephen agreed. "That's All is considered a classic for a reason."

"Nerd," Tony accused as he finished the last step of testing before he could start installing the broiler.

"Good music is good music," Stephen said, unconcerned.

"Speaking of music, are you getting that new PymCo. console? The house is wired for it."

"I'm planning on it. It looks like a neat piece of machinery."

"Definitely a nerd," Tony insisted with a grin, looking out from where his head was poked in the lower part of the cabinet.

"You are in a really good mood," Stephen said, setting his coffee down. "This is a different kind of good mood, too."

"It was a really good date," Tony hedged.

"Am I going to get the chance to meet this mystery woman?"

"Maybe," Tony said noncommittally as he checked the installation guide... okay, steps two through four were done. "The last thing I need is for her to look at Dr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome and forget all about little old me."

Stephen smiled wryly. "As if I'm the relationship type. No one would have me, not for long." The 'No one has,' was unsaid, but Tony knew his friend.

"Just you wait, Strange. One day you'll meet someone and that person is going to knock you to your knees," Tony predicted. "And they'll end up feeling the same about you, too."

"Unlikely." Stephen's mobile rang. He frowned as he read the display.

"Problem?"

"My admin, Billy, he said he's going out for additional women's toiletries for one of our patients." He shrugged. "There's only one patient I can think of that would even put in the request but she really doesn't seem the makeup type." He typed something into the mobile and put it back in his pocket.

"People can surprise you, Stephen," Tony said.

Sharon was getting makeup. He did his best to keep his grin to himself.

"I'm so sorry, Sharon. I know you were looking forward to going out tonight. I'll get you an ice pack, Doll, I'm so sorry."

Sharon studied her reflection with a critical eye. She hadn't worn makeup in a few months; there hadn't been a point in getting dolled up when Steve had been so unpredictable with his shell shock. She wanted to look nice for a change.

Most of the bruising around her eyes was gone and she'd managed to cover up what remained, pushing away the memory of a heavy fist swinging at her, too sudden to block. She painstakingly plucked her eyebrows into order - emphasis on the pain. Sure, it wasn't the pain of having her ribs broken thanks to a brutal kick from a six foot one mountain of a man with unerring aim, but it still stung. Her cheek was still a bit swollen from the fracture (Hand was right; you never expect the other fist.) but a deft hand with foundation and careful application of rouge made it work. Only... she looked almost like a doll.

"I can't believe I was lucky enough to end up with the prettiest doll of selecting spouse a man could get."

She picked a darker lip dye than she normally would have applied and used the eye pen she'd initially nixed along with a bolder eyeshadow; she didn't want to look like a doll.

It hadn't helped her, before.

"Maybe you shouldn't look and move like a target then!"

Since she wasn't allowed to have hot rollers or anything that could burn her, she made do with the extra-large soft rollers Dr. Strange's admin Billy was so kind to buy for her. She finished the rest of her makeup while her hair set and frowned when she realized she only had the standard patient scrubs to wear. She'd tempted fate by asking Billy to run out and buy her the makeup and hair supplies; she couldn't risk asking him for clothing, and there wasn't anyone she could really ask to go and retrieve some clothing from her now-vacant house.

"Sharon! Unlock the damn door! Sharon! Doll, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry and I promise I won't do it again. Sharon, please!"

"Just open the door! I feel fine now, I swear!"

"Sharon!"

"Open the fucking door!"

(Had anyone gone in? Had they seen the holes punched in the walls? Or where she'd done her best to patch them while guilty eyes watched? Had anyone cleaned up the blood on the back patio? Her blood? It had to have been everywhere!)

"I'll help clean this up. No, go sit down, I insist. Stop hovering, Sharon! Just go! What? You think you'll do a better job? Fine then, have at it!"

When she was done styling her hair, she was pleased to see that the few spots that had been shaved for her emergency surgery were not only growing, but covered by the curls. She felt almost like her old self again, back before she'd made the terrible choice of selecting a spouse through the Bureau of Civic Spousal Selections.

"I'm sorry, I promise it won't happen again."

"Sharon, I'm so sorry I couldn't stop it."

"I promise I'll get better, I will. Just no counseling, okay?"

She hoped he was okay, wherever the BCSS ended up sending him. She hoped he was getting the help his war-broken mind desperately needed. She'd never forgive him, but she couldn't wish him ill, either.

It happened. It's over. Better days are coming.

Orderly Rintrah had come by to take her out "for some much needed sunshine, since you did so well with physical therapy today" (She might have been out of the CSB for half of a year, but she knew a ruse when she saw one.) and when they came back to her floor and room, Tony was already there with the usual set-up. (Was there a usual set-up for date nights in a hospital room? Maybe she and Tony were creating the mold.)

Yes, the set-up was impressive but she was focused on the flowers sitting in the vase on the table.

He'd brought her a few simple yellow narcissus.

Her heart ached. She'd always loved narcissus. She loved the promise they brought with them as they emerged from the soil every year, a harbinger of spring and renewal. It was as if they were telling the world 'the cold and dark is only temporary - here, have some sunshine.'

"You don't like the flowers?" Tony asked, looking unsure.

"No," she said, thumbing away an unexpected tear. "No, I love them."

"Strictly speaking the deal is one flower per date but it's apparently bad luck to only give one narcissus."

"That's what I've heard," she said with a smile. "Tony, they're lovely."

"Good," he said, sounding more like his usual confident self. "They're not as lovely as you, though. Which is understandable. I can't have anything showing you up. Or showing me up, really. At this point I think we're pretty even, you know, looks-wise. Well, we're equal, I'm just more equal."

She laughed and let him help her to her chair. "We really need to work on this self-confidence deficit of yours."

"If I don't think highly of myself, who will?" He asked teasingly. "Anyways, I hope you're hungry."

"I am. Physical therapy was a lot, today. But," she added, not wanting to drag the mood down. "I got through it."

"How much longer, do you think?" Tony asked as he set two dome-covered dishes from the heating shelf of the cart on the table.

"It's hard to say," she admitted. "They say I'm making progress every day and the last estimate I had was another two weeks."

"What's their biggest concern?"

"The fatigue and vertigo. My last scans were positive but our friend the Surgeon is cautious."

"Well," Tony filled her glass and then his own with chilled sparkling grape juice and motioned for a toast. "Here's to a quick but thorough recovery."

"Cheers." She eyed the still-covered dishes. "What did you bring this time?"

He lifted the dome off her plate. "I thought we'd enjoy dining in the style of our fashionable French friends. And don't worry, I did remember what you said about snails."

"Coquilles St. Jacques!" she exclaimed. "Oh, I love these! And they cooked them in the shells, how creative!"

"So scallops are a yes, snails are a no," Tony teased before following her lead and eating one.

"Exactly," Sharon said, eyes closed in contentment as she savored the taste of potatoes, butter, white wine, Gruyère, and scallops. "These are perfect."

"They are delicious," he agreed.

Conversation was mostly light with some teasing. Tony kept looking at her as if she was the prettiest woman he'd ever seen. Even though she knew she couldn't be, given the circles he moved in, she was flattered.

The second course was the most decadent duck breast she'd ever tasted in a mushroom cognac sauce served with fondant potato coins and perfectly crisp-but-cooked asparagus. it was amazing.

"Is this your plan?" she asked teasingly. "Trap me with amazing food so that I think a life without it is meaningless?"

"I will neither confirm nor deny," Tony said. He speared a duck medallion after spooning some of the sauce on top and ate it. "Sweet lord this is good."

"It's so much better than hospital food," she agreed. "Not that I don't appreciate the cooks down in the kitchen; they do a fine job."

Tony's eyes crinkled as he smiled. "You like looking out for the little guy, don't you?"

Sharon shrugged. "Growing up, I knew what it was to feel like I didn't matter. Joining the CSB gave me a purpose and I believe in the work I did, even when it wasn't easy or strictly wholesome. And then I was... I was powerless. I've saved so many lives, Tony, but I couldn't save myself. I feel like I've been given a second chance and I am so grateful to everyone who's been involved in giving me that second chance - kitchen staff included."

"This is one of the more impressive hospitals I've seen," Tony said. "Great doctors, nurses, and all kinds of staff."

"It beats being in a CSB medical facility by miles. I'm pretty sure they just re-hydrate field rations."

"So really their bar is on the ground, is what you're saying," Tony joked.

"Pretty much! And still, they brought a shovel, every time!"

"You're sad," Tony said when he'd cleared away the dishes from the main course and set up the dessert dishes - these two from the chilled shelf. "I'm not trying to pry but you have an aura about you. I haven't done anything wrong here, have I?"

She raised her brows, surprised he'd been able to pick up on it. He was much more emotionally aware than he let the public know. "No, no it's not you," she assured him. "I just found myself thinking about before."

"Well, we can enjoy our dessert," he lifted the dome off of her dish to reveal a chocolate pot de créme complete with a delicate chocolate spiral and stemmed cherry for garnish. "And then, if you want, you can talk to me about it."

Could she tell him? Would he still look at her the same way? She understood they were supposed to be getting to know each other, but this was a lot. And would he be willing to reciprocate?

"You do realize that if I bare my soul to you, you'll have to do the same?"

Tony smiled warmly and nodded. "I think I'll be good with that. I haven't scared you off yet and something tells me you actually have a spine of steel hiding behind that pretty face."

"Alright then. But dessert first."

"So, do you want to ask questions or shall I just talk?" Sharon asked.

The radio was tuned to an easy-listening station. There wasn't a Thursday evening show either of them particularly liked, so they'd settled for a simple music station they could easily filter out.

Tony pushed the food cart out into the hall and closed the door to her room before joining her by the radio. "What will make you more comfortable?"

"Preferably not talking, but I dont think that's the best option." She sighed.

It happened. It's over. Better days are coming.

"His name was Steve. He seemed perfectly fine, when we first met. He was a little shy, but handsome and very charming. He said he was looking for a simple life after the army, and I thought that maybe we could build that life together."

Tony nodded but didn't interrupt.

"The first few weeks we were married were a dream. We talked and danced and got to know each other. When we were finally ready to be intimate..." Her cheeks flushed stronger than the light rouge she wore. "It was pleasant," she said finally. "Nothing earth-shattering or soul-stirring, just pleasant."

"Please tell me you weren't-"

"A virgin?" She laughed and shook her head. "No, I definitely wasn't. Also, I was a spy, remember?"

"Okay, you were intimate, it was nothing to write home about."

"Everything was going well. And then July 4th came, and that's when it all went so wrong."

Tony had read the papers and studies on on returning service members who had difficulty with loud or sudden noises, and how that initial trigger could set off a host of other problems. It was tragic and while he'd designed sound-proof headphones and sold them to the Veteran's Bureau at cost and donated to charitable organizations meant to help them, the truth remained that many returning service members harbored a deep shame for their trauma and refused to acknowledge it or consider seeking treatment.

"The first time he was violent I was too stunned to say or do anything. It was early evening and not too hot for July. I had baked a cake for him as a surprise, because it was his birthday. We were outside when some neighbors started setting their store-bought fireworks off. One minute I was on the patio grilling burgers to a perfect medium-rare and the next I was on the ground with the breath knocked out of me and ringing in my ears. All I could do was just stare off to the side, stunned. When I could finally think I realized he was still on top of me, yelling at me to stay down. I tried to fight him off, but he was just so big and my head was pounding and he knocked my head against the ground again."

She took a deep breath. "Steve was horrified when he came to and realized what he'd done. He fell all over himself swearing to me that it would never happen again, that he'd never strike a woman or do anything like he'd just done."

She looked at Tony noticed how tight his fists were clenched and shook her head. "There's nothing you can do about it, now," she said. "He helped me up, carried me into the house, and helped clean the blood out of my hair. He brought me an ice pack and he begged me to forgive him and give him another chance. The whole episode was just so unlike him that I did."

"But it ended up being just like him," Tony said.

"Sadly, yes."

"After that it was like anything could set him off. The toaster was suspicious and I was an enemy combatant for using it or I was trying to poison him with the ragù I made." She looked away, forcing herself to think back and recall. "I had bruises just about everywhere by the second month. I felt as if I couldn't live in my own home."

She saw Tony's frown and shrugged. "It wasn't all physical," she said. "Steve had some very old-fashioned opinions. The house was too showy, the appliances - all older Stark models - were too fancy. I shouldn't insist on driving. I wasn't all soft and sweet like he thought I was, I was too independent and trying to emasculate him." She hugged herself. "I didn't know what to do other than start sleeping in the guest bedroom."

"How did he take it?"

"Lots of yelling at me to unlock the door. Lots of pleading with me to unlock the door and promises that he wouldn't do it again."

"But he always did."

"He always did," she confirmed. "I finally got to a point where I invoked my right as the Selecting Spouse to see to his medical care and we went to see the psychologist who had performed his assessment for the BCSS."

"From the very little I could glean, it didn't go well."

"It did not," Sharon said, and choked back a sob.

"Hey, you don't have to-" he stood as if to move to her and she shook her head and waved him off.

"No, I- I need to get this all out, even if it's just the once." She looked directly at him, eyes bright. "Please don't give up on me."

"Never," he said. "I promise."

"The doctor wasn't at all sympathetic. Well, at least not to me. After meeting with both of us separately and together, it was her professional, clinical opinion that I needed to be more understanding of the kind of needs and expectations a man like Steve had. I needed to stop antagonizing him and be a better selecting spouse as I helped him reintegrate back into the world. After all, it only made sense that he'd see me as suspicious and an enemy because I'd spent five years as a spy - hardly the trustworthy type."

She clenched her shut, and shook her head. "I'm ashamed to say that I tried, Tony. I really, really tried. I was up earlier than Steve, I made breakfast, I did everything I could to make him feel special, even though in my head I was screaming at myself that nothing about it was right."

She let the radio play for a few minutes as she gathered herself. Tony seemed to sense she needed the time.

"He got a little better, after that. We had some happy days and evenings, and we were even intimate once or twice." She met his gaze. "I was pregnant when Sergeant Barnes rushed me here that day. My body, in the shape that it was in, couldn't sustain it and I ended up miscarrying. I never got the chance to tell him." She hugged herself again, a habit she'd developed as a child because no one had really been concerned about soothing her.

"Anyways, we were nearing the fourth month when it happened. We were outside again. I was gardening and he was reading. I was actually feeling somewhat hopeful because it'd been a week since he'd had an episode. And then a neighbor slammed the door of his car and Steve had another one."

She cleared her throat, willing away tears. "I don't remember much after that. Just pain and Steve yelling and this dark sort of angel swooping in and making sure that Steve could never touch me again. There were all kinds of flashing lights and hushed voices and I slept for a long time."

"You haven't seen him since?"

"No. The constable, Officer Sousa, stopped by a few days after I woke up to take my statement. He tried for the day I woke up but our friend the Surgeon wouldn't let him because he wasn't sure how my cognition would be.

"He said that Steve had been taken into custody, as had the psychologist. When the BCSS was informed of what happened, they had one of their internal psychologists examine her findings and notes from Steve's file and our case. It turned out that she'd lied and approved Steve for the selection pool when he should have been denied and turned over to Veteran Services."

"And they very quietly annulled your marriage."

"They did," Sharon confirmed. "Imagine the outrage that would happen if word got out that they weren't monitoring their contracted workers and because of it, someone almost died?"

"Have you spoken with her?"

Sharon scoffed. "No. I have no desire to ever see her again. It's caused quite the scandal in our family. I've never really fit in with them and they don't understand why I can't just forgive my dear cousin for her lapse in judgment."

"You're joking!" He exclaimed, outraged.

"She works to save lives, don't you understand?" Sharon said mockingly. "I joined an agency that's dishonest and kills people, and that's just not right."

"Your family is terrible," he said flatly.

"I agree," she said. "I've told the staff here that I don't want any of them visiting. And apart from Sergeant Barnes and his wife Natalia, and Dr. Strange, you're my only visitor." She cleared her throat. "And that's the whole, sad story of the worst decision I've ever made." She considered. "It's almost up there with the time out in the field where I didn't go with my gut and ended up being held captive in Canada for almost a week before I broke out."

Tony stood up and helped her up before he hugged her - the most contact he'd initiated this far. "You are incredible, Sharon Carter," he whispered. "And you're the strongest woman I've ever met." The tenderness undid her.

"I'm not," she protested with a sob. "Tony, I should have stopped him! I could have!"

"And you'd have ended up in jail and he'd be out there free to hurt anyone else when he needs to be locked up away from the public and getting the psychiatric treatment he needs."

He pulled back and looked at her. "You survived hell," he said. "And you have nothing to be ashamed of. Well, except for maybe the whole being a Canadian captive thing, but you broke out, so you did manage some redemption there."

That startled a laugh of of Sharon and he hugged her again. "You survived and better things await."

"That's what I tell myself: It happened, it's over, better days are coming."

"See? You're agreeing with me, so clearly you're right."

There was a knock at the door. "Time's almost up, Stark!"

"Ah. Where would we be without Nurse Wong?" Tony asked no one in particular.

"I'm sorry this wasn't much of a date night," Sharon said.

"Not much of a date night?" Tony asked, looking surprised. "You got all made up, we dined on fine French food with nary a snail in sight, and you bared your soul to me. I think for a third date we did pretty good."

"This really didn't put you off?"

"No, it didn't. I'm so amazed at how strong you are and I'm so sorry that I couldn't have stopped any of it."

She breathed a sigh of relief. She was starting to fall for this man and the way they were just having pleasant evenings of conversation and dinner, maybe some music or or show on the radio. It wasn't at all what she would have expected from Tony Stark. He was surprising her and rather than be unsettled, she welcomed it. She'd tried steady and predictable and look where it had gotten her!

"It's your turn, tomorrow evening," she teased.

"Yes, it is," he agreed.

"Scared?"

He nodded. "A little," he admitted. "But you are worth it, and I think this whole thing between us that we're building is worth it."

"You know, I really think it is."

There was more knocking at the door.

Tony pulled back and kissed her hand. "Well, until tomorrow evening, I suppose."

"Until tomorrow evening," Sharon agreed. She walked him to the door. "Thank you for another lovely date."

"You're welcome." He left.

Nurse Wong waited approximately thirty seconds before he stepped in. She was just turning off the radio when he got a look at her, frowning when he saw her reddened eyes. "Did he-"

"No, he didn't do anything," she told Wong firmly. "It was just an emotional night. I promise," she added when his frown didn't lessen. "It was cathartic and I think, as crazy as it sounds, that this could really work."

His expression softened. "I'm glad that you had another pleasant evening."

"I promise you, if he or anyone here ever did something to make me upset, I would tell you. They'd be on the ground groaning in pain first, but I would tell you."

He nodded. "That's good to know," he said. "Do you need anything before I bring back your medications?"

"No, I'm just going to wash my face and brush these curls out. It will only take five minutes or so. Go ahead and take care of everyone else. I'm here long term, and they deserve the full Wong-experience."

He smiled and left.

She did just what she said she'd do. She brushed out her curls and pulled her hair back out of her face before gently cleaning the makeup away. Even with the makeup gone, she thought she looked more like her old self, before she'd left the CSB. She brushed her teeth and changed into a nightgown and robe.

After Wong brought her her nightly medication, she had no problem drifting off to a peaceful sleep.

Her last thought was that tomorrow would be a new day and better things awaited.

Across the town, in a fancy if not luxurious hotel room, Tony Stark got ready for bed. He washed his own face and brushed his teeth. He selected a clean pair of pajama pants and after finishing a glass of water rather than a couple fingers of scotch, climbed into bed, thinking back on what he'd learned.

When his mother had cried, or even when his admin Pepper cried, he never knew what to do. It always made him feel helpless and all he could think about was making it stop because it was something he knew intrinsically he couldn't fix.

Sharon crying hadn't made him feel helpless; he'd felt determination to help her however he could and to somehow do whatever it would take to ensure she never had to cry over that man or her cousin again.

He went to bed knowing he'd have to reveal more about himself than he'd revealed to anyone who wasn't Stephen or Rhodey. He wasn't as scared as he'd originally been, however.

If she could be strong, then well, so could he.

Tomorrow would be a new day and better things awaited.

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Author's Note (again): Yellow Narcissus - new beginnings and rebirth

Look. This whole story was supposed to be a cute little 5+1 thing. And then this chapter happened. I realized when I started writing it that everything Sharon has gone through couldn't be ignored, not if she and Tony were to actually make it work.

But, if you've read Goodbye Grey Sky, Hello Blue, you know that these two are very blissfully married.

#couldntbedamned fic #iron 13 #sharon carter x tony stark #tony stark x sharon carter #1950s modern fusion au #1950s au #tony stark #sharon carter #iron thirteen

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