#the little curls have me CRYING

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#ugh. another little vent i had to get it out somewhere sorry #fucjing #....i have no idea if I'm gonna make it #what if i just don't #whether i kill myself or not i can feel my body breaking down worse every time my arthritis meds are delayed for one reason or another #and my adhd memory bullshit is so fucking scary and depressing and impossible to deal with #And the meds for that are ALSO constantly delayed #complications every goddamn month on both #i genuinely don't know what'll get me first is it gonna be the depression destroying my mental health and i just don't wake up one day #or will it be this constant cycle of fucked up that my body is and getting worse every single day #what do i do? nobody is around who can help as much as i need #my husband is the only one #and he's got pain and mental health issues too #he can't help as much as i need #what the fuck happens if i just keel over whether i want to or not #......fffuck #I #..........gods i wanna curl up under the bed and just cry

[homesickhalfling]

#LOOK AT THAT FACE #If I were on the recieving end of that look I think my knees would buckle and I'd fall - into his arms ideally #like holy fuckin christ #what a mischevious little bastard #i have no clean thoughts right now #danny elfman #someone take my phone away from me #i cant stop making collages of him #so gorgeous #THE CURLS #I CANT #his fucking hair #makes me want to cry

[kiokesu]

the cup of coffee i ask my father to make never tastes quite like the one he made for me when i couldn't walk from the pain

#does he do it because he loves me or does he do it because i asked? can it be both? can it be neither? #does the sigh he lets out when i tell him he makes it better than i do sound like irritation? #will i ever be able to tell without watching his face so carefully that he can feel me staring? #what happened to that brave little girl that he called his daughter? where did she go? #i killed her some ten years ago i think. when i couldnt handle being me anymore and even my closest friends thought i was too much. #i think she would cry if she knew who i was now. #or maybe she wouldnt. #maybe she would smile a little bit wrong like she always does and ask me if i still play minecraft (i do) #maybe she would laugh when i told her i wasnt a girl and say “me neither” with the confidence only she could have #maybe she would draw a dragon for me and add a little curl at the top of its head to represent mine. #maybe her hands would shake a little too much when i asked her if she knew how much her parents loved her. #i dont think she did back then. i dont think she knew. #it doesnt make it okay. what happened to her couldnt be excused or pardoned just by saying they loved her. #but maybe it would sting less if she knew it wasn't out of hate. #my father gets out of bed at 8 every morning to feed the dogs because i cant. #does he do it because he loves me? or because he has to? #my mother takes off of work to take me to my doctor's appointments. #does she do it because she loves me? or because she has to? #my sister chipped in on the cost of my birthday present. #did she do it because she loves me? or because she has to? #i thought i was so mature when i was 12 years old. now that i'm the age i lied and said i was when i was 12 i have never felt so small. #at age 10 i thought i wouldnt make it past 13. and now i dont know what to do with my life. #vanilla if you see this somehow. if you find this and you think “ah. theres my girl. hello caroline.” i hope you're in a good place in life #i hope your streaming career goes well. #i hope you graduated and that you got into whatever thing you wanted. #i hope you forgive yourself. because god knows i will never forgive you. #i was just a kid. why? why trinity? #i had to tell my therapist that he was the first one to ever know about the full extent of what you did to me. #i hope you can live with what you've done. i still can't. #i dont think ill ever forget what alex said about me.

[phantomskeep]

Y'all ever need to make yourselves sad so you can write a chapter in your fic, so you go and read some hurt no comfort fics? And then suddenly it's midnight and you're crying and you can't write because now your depressive mode is kicking in---

#fanfiction struggles #im writing a danny phantom batman crossover and this is the lengths i will go to for it #im legit crying #in my bed #at almost midnight #and i have to get up at five am #am i asleep? #nope #did i ignore an essay that was due tonight? #yup #was it worth it? #absolutely not #im so sad now #im doing this for you guys #the lovely dpxdc fandom #rip jason todd #rip danny phantom #rip ME #back to curling in a little ball and being sad #putting the fun back in funeral #the spirit of gotham is a lesbian #pariah dark is a seahorse dad

[sapphiclizziebennet]

feeling a lot of big feelings tonight :(

#thinking a lot of big philosophical thoughts and have no outlet for them #so many things to say and yet so little words to convey them #times like this i really feel like a child again. wanna curl up and cry #but idk the tears won't come only everything else and i'm still so overwhelmed #can the world just stop for a week or two? if only #some people have asked me whats going on with me right now re: my little breakdown and there's just so much i don't even know where to star #so many things that all fall into each other #hard to decipher #sarah why

[septembermonologues]

i have been feeling so horrendously bad at my job this semester and idk how obvious my baggage is that my advisor has to stress that i deserve to have a show next semester and that she's already talking to people about things maybe needing to shift around so no one thinks its my fault and her saying i have a good sense of what i believe and can listen to both sides without swaying easily just kind of felt like "youre so mature for your age!" all over again and i feel so behind in a class i was so excited for and my body image has been horrible and im lucky to be getting 6 hours of sleep a night and it's getting harder to leave my apartment and people who mean well but barely know me are laying on high school levels of "you need to make sure you're eating enough" scolding and its so suffocating and i just want to snap and tell them that this is the best i have ever been about taking care of myself and im trying and self aware and dont need to be parented by people four years younger than me and i haven't been to therapy since before the semester started because i HAVE grown and i CAN handle it but i also know its been too long and they just weren't kidding about how much your early twenties suck but i also wouldn't change it for anything and i just want to sleep for a week and then ill be fine

#personal #and i miss my mom. but so it goes #im just feeling silly goofy thats all #i want to go back to posting girlfailure imogen jokes and stupid little orym thoughts again but im 3 eps behind #and who knows when ill be able to catch up #i have not felt like i want to curl up and hibernate in bed this badly in a long time lol #this semester is doing me in #and apparently they're pulling the spring drafting class in the spring that i need to graduate #and i think im going to need my advisor to talk to someone abt it for me bc i dont have it in me to be nice and/or not cry

[that-was-anticlimactic]

edtpa makes me want to tear my hair out and drop out of school

#ya girl isn't smart enough for this ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #normally i could do this stuff but in this context like trying to hype myself up and be like 'look at all the things i did right' when i'm #just a practicum student and it feels like nothing i did Was right because it's not because i'M A PRACTICUM STUDENT is like pulling teeth #and i'm so worried that they'll think i'm incompetent and fail me but i don't want to do well i just want to pass and i feel so stupid when #look at the example provided because it's all worded SO WELL and ik i need to stop looking at it but some of the questions are worded in #ways that confuse me because i swear this is something wrong with my brain and they're like fancy test questions meant to sound more #challenging than they are and i just want to bang my head against the wall and curl in a ball and cry but i don't wanna do that but i do and #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #sorry i'm stressed lol #this determined whether or not i graduate and costs three hundred dollars to submit and i still don't even have my student teaching #placement yet and i start in almost a little over a month and idk idk idk #sorry for the breakdown do y'all still think i'm hot #imma go take a break and watch dance moms or something and dip goldfish in salsa #s/o to my boss for being very nice <3

[bluesidedown]

.....

#babes forgive me but i need to complain just a leetle bit #i am soso tired and also pmsing and four qater mains in my sad old infrastructure needs replacing college town #have broken and we are on a boil water advisory #and i havent washed dishes in like five days #and i dont know what ill do about supper #and meanwhile i absolutely must finish my application for my prospective internship today which will involve some fairly introspective #thinking and also a good hard look at my finances which i just loathe (hatred despair i dont know anything) #and im crampy and sad and i just want to curl up in a blanket and cry a lil bit #and like. none of this is truly that terrible and i know that it will all seem better tomorrow #but damn it it sucks right now. just in all the little dumb ways.

[crymeariveronceagain]

my brain: we are feeling the bads, time to cope! grab your favorite form of internet and seek validation!!!

me: dude idk if this is healthy like maybe we should see a therapist

my brain: yeah but that simple tiny little thing currently requires overcoming a really bad trigger without help

me:

me: so Tumblr it is, huh?

my brain: text your best friend first and seek validation for very dumb reasons

#personal #not fandom content #lmao #;-; aahahahah #anyways shout out to strawberry muffin crisis for putting up with me #feeling bad intend to delete in the morning #validation #therapy #like guys you don't understand how having to tell my parents that i need therapy is triggers galore idk how i can explain it beyond #idek #my parents are amazing and i know they'd react as well as could be expected but #i will have to talk about my emotions with my parents and what ways they screwed up on me and i am going to simultaneously cry and throw up #so there's that #love that vibe #totally chill nothing wrong here #background: me screaming and crying and curling up into a little ball #i was getting better #and then i didn't any more

[i-am-become-a-name]

contemplating blowing up someone’s notifications so I can just hit the like then unlike button for half an hour and see the heart constantly reform and break on a potd gifset just like mine did when tegan and five said they missed each other.

#random #i am still...... i don't like what they did to tegan but seeing her and five just having a moment did make me cry a bit. #potd #potd spoilers #dw spoilers #spoilers #power of the doctor spoilers #five #tegan #i saw him say brave heart and just curled up into a little ball and sobbed

[hyunebear]

in just a few hours skz will be breathing the same air as i am and i’m trying not to freak out too much abt it and cry my eyes out but that isn’t promised.

#adri.txt #sad rant? #IM JUST #i could be going u know............ but fuck the distance and just how untimely everything is 4 me rn #i'm trying to condition my brain to be positive abt it bc there's still march for me for the concert but oh god i just wanna curl up into a #ball and cry for six months over itsjhfjjgjkdfkgjfkj #my babies............ i could have gotten myself tickets bc it's easier right but why must u be so close yet so far away #i can't breathe. #sorry 4 the dramatics but as soon as they depart from incheon pray 4 my ass bc i'm abt to hold my breath #until they step foot on manila #IM JUST A LITTLE BIT CONCERNED #bc rn it's scorchingly hot in here after the rainy days we've just had and oh god the internet sucks #but i'm hoping for their safe flight and i hope they have lots of fun while being here and seeing the stays who deserved to see them too #one day i'll get my turn hhhhhh

[punkwixes]

been five years, huh

#dnt rb. #i’m 24 & i feel Awful about it #just. i feel the same as i did when i was 19. im only like technically starting my junior year now. this fucking sucks. #and all day i’ve just been thinking like. what it felt like five years ago. like oh at this time five years ago i didn’t know yet. #oh at This time five years ago i curled up in bed and tried not to cry while putting on videos. augh. #gotta say i appreciate my friends so much though because i don’t think i fully told them all at the time how much it meant #i remember at like 9pm laura asked me if i was gonna be okay if she went to bed and im still 🥺 abt that today. #augh anyways most of the time these days i’m doing pretty well but like lemme have this one. little a trauma as a treat

[pixies--dust]

Need to do schoolwork but i have been attacked by the mental illness creature

#like hey depression… real nice of you to show up and get in the way of things that I seriously need to do #i only kind of want to cry #got the classic ‘empty hole in your chest’ feeling #a shower could maybe help me but last time I took a shower while feeling depressed I had to fight myself to keep my razor where it sits #idk why it’s so difficult again #maybe it’s because I’m not seeing my friends that much? #but I can’t fix that cause we’re all in uni and stuff #i feel like I’m suffering in silence even though I know I don’t have to #it’s just… embarrassing to admit I’m struggling again #i wonder if it’s my birth control but I also don’t want to not take it cause my periods are so much better #maybe I need a higher med dose #but I’m a little afraid to try that out for myself #i cant overdose on my antidepressants but I don’t want to do anything without a professional advising me to #i wish i could just have a little breather #like a week where nothing new is assigned and I can just work without feeling stressed #i just want to curl up in bed while the world disappears around me #my rambling #vent