#the love I have for tgcf..... unparalleled | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chen-chen-chen-again-chen · 6 months

Text

Hi, hello, hola, it's me! This is not a WIP Wednesday post (well, the WIP is always me), but it's something.

First off, thank you thank you thank you to all the beautiful people who messaged me, or commented, or tagged me in things, or even just thought kind warm thoughts at me while I've been away and not writing. Brain not working good enough to sort through the things and tag properly but you know the drill - I love you all.

Here are things I did while I wasn't writing AKA while I have Big Sad Brain:

I visited London, and had a great time - eating delicious food, flat-sitting, visiting old haunts, picking up new ones, spending time with friends, and watching too much Shakespeare. The salted beef bagels in Brick Lane are still unparalleled, there were daffodils everywhere, and I brought home too much tea but not enough biscuits.

I buzzed my hair short again, and as EarlobeGreyTea said, "it really moved your energy from bisexual to lesbian," and then followed up with, "I'm glad that I, a man, could explain your sexuality to you"

I read a lot. I read The Locked Tomb series (I'm obsessed) and fell down a danmei pit (I have consumed SVSSS and MDZS but not yet TGCF) and I have spicy hot takes on why I did not enjoy The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo or The Starless Sea. I re-read all of Ann Leckie's books. I read The Future is Disabled in a Socialist bookshop in London, and I cried so fucking hard that the gentleman in the shop asked me if I was okay. I read The Song of Achilles and Circe and wandered down the labyrinth of getting really, really into Greek myth.

Speaking of: I bought an ROG Ally (horrible name, hate it, but the console itself is fine, it's like a more versatile Steam Deck) and I played Hades. So much Hades. So. Much. Hades. And every time I met Patroclus in Elysium, I bawled, "He's so SAD! He's such a SAD MAN! I need to make him UN-SAD!"

I finally finished the godforsaken Totoro cross-stitch pictured above. As soon as I framed it, I held it up to my spouse and said, "Could a depressed person make THIS?" and he said, "Yes" and then "Good job," because he's a lamb.

When I had energy, I cooked. I learned how to make carrot ginger dressing and shogayaki, and how to velvet pork. I made some of my standbys, like applesauce pancakes and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and felt very Smug and Very Adult for putting frozen cookie dough into my freezer so Future Me could have cookies. I introduced my family to Uncle Roger and I've never heard my mother (1) get so angry and (2) laugh so hard. When I couldn't cook, I ate food that someone else made, and it was enough to celebrate: I ate a meal! I ate food! I fed a me! Hooray!

I spent time with my beautiful friends. I spent time with my beautiful family. They are so good and they have been with me through so many tough things and depressive episodes, through bullshit and drama and tears, like that time I screaming-yelled at someone over the phone (they deserved it) during an engagement party at the cabin and then I had to walk out and pretend to be Normal and got drunk on a lot of Old Fashioneds.

I grew things. Flowers and vegetables and herbs and I accidentally made a great home for some very invasive weeds. The squirrels left only one sunflower alone (they ate the rest), but even now in mid-October, there are still bright coral-red flares of peppery nasturtium, and feathery pale pink zinnias from my caretaker at work (who is an angel), and gigantic, blue-tipped borage. My best friend moved in down the street from me, so she's only a five-minute walk away, and now I can pick flowers and stick them in a vase and walk them over to her, and I love it. I grew too many tomatoes (they got..... scary. My favourite were the heirloom tomatoes, as big as my fist, that remind me of my Lolo) and forgot about the cucumbers (they got lewd) and let myself get coaxed into growing three different kinds of mint: chocolate, grapefruit, and berries & cream (because I'm a little lad who loves berries and cream).

I bullied my spouse into watching Practical Magic with me the other evening and every time That Fucking Cop came on screen, he said, "That Fucking Cop! This movie would be good but there's too much of That Fucking Cop in it" and I felt so v i n d i c a t e d

I tried to write. I tried to write. I tried to write. I tried to write, and then let go of trying to write and just let myself do all the other things that make up living, try to amend the soil so that something good can grow there again. I tried to talk myself out of unhappiness but it's funny how that doesn't work, how only hard-fought kindness has helped me trudge out of the swamp, again and again and again.

I had one of those moments recently that felt like it could have been in one of my stories. At Thanksgiving dinner, I was sitting next to my little half-sister-in-law (a mouthful, I know). She is seven and she lost her dad two years ago and she said, "I wish my dad was here." And I said, "I know, honey. I think we all do." And she said, "I miss his piano playing," because her dad used to play piano the other way someone else might doodle on a napkin - absentmindedly, brilliantly, while wearing a faded green apron and with a dishtowel thrown over his shoulder, in between checking if the roast was up to temp and pouring someone a glass of wine. Always red wine, from the Piedmont region, which is where my spouse's Nonna is from. I asked my little half-sister-in-law, "Do you think you'll learn how to play piano?" and she said, "I don't know," and I said, "It's okay not to know." And then she asked, "Do you have a Gothita?" and we went back to talking about Pokemon, which we had been talking about for a conservative 90% of the dinner.

I wrote this. I wrote this and it felt good to feel my fingers moving, it felt good to have words spilling from me, it felt good to have faith in words again, that the words could be something good, could do something good, that the worlds could just be and it could be good, and that I could just be, and that could be good. Just being could be good. Even if I never wrote another word ever again, just being would be good. As I said to one of my friends many years ago during some deep dark down shitty times, "It's hard work, being human. Thank you for doing the work."

Take care. I love you all. ❤️❤️❤️

#long post #ramblings #trying to get back on my bullshit

19 notes · View notes

birues · 2 months

Text

Tag ppl you want to get to know better

Tagged by @hylfystt tysm friend 💜💜💜

LAST SONG: 借梦 (jie meng/borrowed dreams) by Zhou Shen. I just love his songs sm and tbh a lot of cdrama songs suit my ships soo well

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Still a Journey to Love bc it's 40 episodes and i don't have any time 😭😭 but it's good!

THREE SHIPS:

1) Kallig/Theron from swtor will always my number 1. I've written sooo much lore about them only 3 ppl know abt it but if any of you think I'm hyperfixated on ratman you should've seen me in my Theron era jdhdhfjf

2) Shi Qingxuan/He Xuan from tgcf bc I'm a sucker for the angst. Also the themes and their characters are unparalleled

3) there's. [redacted] but I'm not gonna talk abt it so let's move into the one everyone knows that i cry abt everyday. Which is Hythlodaeus/Hades/Azem. They live in my head rent free. Have i ever mentioned i love angsty relationships jshdhdhf

FAVORITE COLOR: PURPLE!!!!

CURRENTLY CONSUMING: Black tea!

FIRST SHIP: I have no idea jdhdjdh the longest i can remember is my bakugan oc and shun kazami and i was 10 i think? Hmm. Wait i watched winx club when i was 7 and I'm sure i had ships.

PLACE OF BIRTH: [redacted]

CURRENT LOCATION: [redacted] [university hell also. suffering... SEND HELP]

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single!

LAST MOVIE: FFXV Kingsglaive

CURRENTLY WORKING ON: That one hythades fic featuring their reunion in the aetheral sea. The one with Ardbert and Tuana also.

Tagging: @myreia @lilas @coldshrugs @impossible-rat-babies @scionshtola no obligations ofc!

#tysm friend!

13 notes · View notes

fortune-maiden · 8 months

Note

I wish you’d write…. A post tgcf fic where pei ming finds that a fallen sqx has found a place to live -because that super cursed karma makes sqx perfect for maintaining the saber tombs without getting eaten. PM decides to help out the Nie as a thank you - except NHS asks for a post sunshot 3zun to stop fighting and a chance at LX’s hand, two tall tasks even before mdzs canon starts barreling towards them….

asfl;asdfksdjg; GENE YOUR BRAIN!

I wish someone else would write this because I desperately want to read it and see it done justice xD This idea is amazing!! Give SQX some pet murder sabers while Pei Ming fixes the cultivation world!

Anyway I made a very rough attempt xD

“I know who you are, you know.”

Pei Ming stopped at the gate of the Unclean Realm glancing back as the small figure that had trailed behind since the audience hall finally revealed himself.

Nie Huaisang huddled behind his fan, eyes brimming with determination. Cautiously he approached. “I heard Feng-shidi call you General Pei,” he confessed. “And, well, stories of General Ming Guang are very popular here.” There was even a Ming Guang temple on a premises.

Pei Ming chuckled, and turned around to give Nie Huaisang the credit he was due. He has written him as just the clan leader’s spoiled younger brother. His mistake.

“The one who’d found Feng-shidi was me, you know. And the one who convinced Da-ge to keep him was also me. The one helping him get settled in now is me as well.” Nie Huaisang fluttered his fan guilelessly.

“Is that how it was? Then I supposed it’s Nie-er-gongzi to whom my gratitude belongs.” He raised his arms for a salute. All the while waiting for the main point.

“Then… it would make sense then for the boon offered to my brother to also go to me.”

There it was.

“It would,” Pei Ming agreed. A Heavenly Official did not just descend to grant a favor to someone who helped them only to be turned away. Nie Mingjue was too proper in that regard. Too formal and insistent that the crippled beggar he’d adopted as a tomb sweeper was all the help he needed to even consider accepting a single rice grain from the god before him.

(Though given the tomb in question housed some dangerous violent sabers and was capable of eating people, Pei Ming supposed he too would not want more than a keeper who could no sell it. Apparently whatever state his fate was left in after centuries as a Heavenly Official and an encounter with a ghost king caused bloodthirsty sabers to find him a relaxant. This was especially impressive given Shi Qingxuan’s true power had always been in raising others’ blood pressure.)

Still Pei Ming had come down to give the Nie his gratitude, and give the Nie his gratitude he would!

“What would Nie-er-gongzi like?”

“What are my limits? It’s not every day someone like me can make a request directly to such a powerful beloved god.”

“A beloved god like me has no limits.”

“Then do I get one big thing? Or can I have three small things?”

“Three wishes are for teapot dwelling dragons. You get one.” Though Pei Ming wouldn’t mind hearing out any others. He had come to the Unclean Realm ready to expend some power and what could the flighty heir to the Nie possibly ask for?

Nie Huaisang sighed deeply as he tapped his fan across his palm. His furrowed brow gave the illusion of deep thought.

“Then… can you make Zewu-jun fall in love with me?”

…What?

“General Ming Guang has unparalleled martial skill, but he’s also heralded as the god of love who can fix any relationship,” Nie Huaisang’s voice held just the right amount of flattery. Pei Ming realized then that he voiced his disbelief out loud. “Great god of love, grant me my love.”

“I’m sorry are we talking about the Zewu-jun who is the top of the eligible bachelors list? The one who earned his title who earned his title through constant feats of valor in the war? The one who you could ascribe every virtue and flattering line of poetry to and it still not being enough?”

“Is that too difficult?”

“It’s extremely difficult.”

“Then,” Nie Huaisang was undeterred. “Can you fix the relationship between my brother and his sworn brother? I really can’t relax when my two favorite people are at each other’s throats so much.”

Why was the next request equally impossible?

“Is this really what you want to ask of a god?”

“I don’t think anything short of divine intervention can fix their problems.”

Pei Ming was pretty sure divine intervention also couldn’t fix their problems.

“General Ming Guang?” Nie Huaisang’s eyes were wide and his lip was puffed out just enough to appear pitiful. It did little to hide the satisfaction of a trap well sprung. If Pei Ming rejected this request, was the next one going to be even more impossible?

Who was it that said he had no limits? Fuck him.

He had underestimated this Nie Huaisang. With his careful bright-eyed cheer and careful elegant dress, he had just taken him for another layabout like Qingxuan.

Pei Ming considered his options.

“So… you and Zewu-jun, was it?”

He never could say “no” to bratty younger brothers.

(Somewhere while matchmaking, he'll fix the other thing too if only because NMJ & JGY will be too confused about what's happening to fight)

(SQX will also smack him with a broom once he comes back from Xinglu Ridge to shenanigans)

#I love this idea so much xD #let sqx join the nie sect!#and let pm muck up the plot of mdzs in the name of love!#fortune's fanfics #tgcf #mdzs #pei ming #nie huaisang #sqx & nmj are having tea in the background somewhere

5 notes · View notes

hualian · 3 years

Text

tgcf 😭 donghua 😭 airs 😭 this 😭 week 😭

#I'M GOING TO CRY #IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!?!?!?!?!?#in 6 DAYS???? SIX?? DAYS???????#tgcf #I want to scream and cry I'm so so excited #the love I have for tgcf..... unparalleled #oh my god oh my god oh my GOD!!!!!#😭😭💕😭💓💞💗💖💝❤💘💕#macy speaks #this week 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#WHEN I SAY I'M NOT READY #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD

25 notes · View notes

rhysand-vs-fenrys · 3 years

Note

Do the same thing for Heaven Official's Blessing (use Maas characters to tell the story)!

Heaven Official’s Blessing // TGCF told using ACOTAR characters (Obviously there will be spoilers, read at your own risk)

TGCF is told in a non-linear form, with Books 1, 3, and 5 taking place in the present, and Books 2 and 4 acting as flashbacks. I will be telling the story in a pure linear format.

** I’m going to have to ask people to ignore shipping stuff for the sake of this. I matched characters based on their personalities, so things became kind of scrambled.

THIS WAS VERY VERY HARD TO WRITE OKAY

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful Crown Princess named Elain. She was completely beloved by her people not only for her looks, but for her kindness, warmth, and incredible talents. Whatever she put her mind to, Princess Elain would easily accomplish, and those who read fortunes often said she was born on an auspicious day and was blessed with unparalleled good fortune.

Princess Elain’s father was fairly elitest and tended to ignore the common folk, but Princess Elain made it her mission in life to protect them and ease everyone’s burdens.

When Princess Elain was 17, the royal capitol held a parade to the king of the heavens, Helion. In this parade, an elite warrior dressed as the Divine Hero would actually spar with another elite warrior dressed as a Demonic Beast. The parade would circle the capitol as the two warriors fought, only ending when their stamina ran out and they were too tired to carry on. The more laps the procession completed before this happened, the more good fortune it would invite and the more honor to the god Helion. Generally the goal was around 15-20 laps.

On the third lap, as people clamored to see clearly the Hero and Beast battle, there was a horrible accident. A deformed child in the crowd, barely 8 years old at MOST, was knocked from his perch on a high wall and fell to his death.

As he fell, the Divine Hero abandoned their battle and leapt high into the air to catch the poor child. Picture like wire work when I say “leapt high”, it counts more as minor flight.

In the rescue, the Divine Hero’s mask comes off and it is revealed to be none other than Princess Elain herself! The Divine Beast was Elain’s bodyguard, Cassian.

While the common people go FERAL for this beautiful Princess who saved a wretched orphan’s life, the royal priests are angered. They warn Elain that her actions are an insult to Helion, and she must repent to avoid his wrath.

Elain famously and simply replies that if a god would begrudge her saving a child’s life, then they are not worthy of becoming a god.

And in spite of the priest’s words, the heavens agree with Princess Elain.

The child Elain saved has half his head heavily wrapped in bandages, but Elain is not afraid of him. She cradles him in her arms and he is mesmerized by her face. Still, after someone tries to move the bandage to see his face, the child runs away and vanishes.

This child was Azriel.

Tamlin is Elain’s cousin. His mother was a royal lady who had a baby with an abusive brute, and she ended up dying in disgrace after being abandoned by him. Tamlin was therefore raised by Elain’s mother, and he is disturbingly obsessed with the glory of his Princess Cousin. He is also dangerously unhinged and violent.

Just a few days after the ruined parade, Tamlin is racing through the city streets in his carriage, whipping his horses raw and yelling that if he runs over anyone it is their own fault. He has no cares for anyones lives, and Princess Elain considers him a thorn in her side.

Princess Elain is out with her bodyguard, Cassian, and her personal servant, Lucien. They see Tamlin coming and no only is he driving dangerously, there is a bloody sack tied to the back of the chariot.

Elain and Cassian leap onto the carriage to stop Tamlin, while Lucien breaks the rope on the sack. Elain and Cassian take Tamlin into custody, knocking him out, and Elain is ready for Tamlin to be thrown into prison for his behavior.

She opens the bloody sack, and inside finds Azriel. Tamlin was so incensed that the royal priests were angry with Princess Elain that he decided to kill Azriel to “avenge” his cousin!

Elain brings Azriel to the royal palace to be healed by the physicians within. He has broken bones and cuts all over his body, but again he strikes out if someone tries to move the bandages on his face. For his part- Tamlin is locked in his rooms and his carriage is destroyed, he is banned from leaving the palace.

But once again, Azriel slips out and runs away.

A few months later, black clouds swirl over the Royal Palace, and in a massive thunderclap, Elain ascends to the heavens as a newborn Warrior Goddess. Though by the laws of the heavens she cannot enter her kingdom for one thousand generations (to make sure she doesn’t give favors to the families of old friends), her father and his people build 10,000 temples in her name, several with massive statues of pure gold.

Goddess Elain brings Lucien and Cassian to the heavens with her, to help her in her duties as a god. She must intercede when appropriate (if there are demons or ghosts attacking people) and answer prayers. Despite the ban, she likes to sit on the altars of her temples, invisible, and listen to the prayers of her followers.

Elain doesn’t like the wealth and splendor of her temples, she wishes people would not bow, and just wants things to be simpler.

After a few years as a goddess, while wandering her city, she notices a crummy old shrine tucked into a forgotten alley. It is roughly made, with only a flower and a bun on the offerings table.

She watches this little but clearly loved shrine for a long time, and notices that it is tended by an 11 year old boy. He is homeless, cold, malnourished, and had bandages wrapped around half his face. Rather than eat what food he manages to get, he puts it on the offerings table to Elain, only taking a few rotten fruits or moldy buns for himself.

Elain hates to see this- the boy is so desperately starving and yet he leaves food for a goddess who has no need for it. Bullies come and destroy the boy’s shrine. He is beaten by them, but when it is over he only fixes her shrine back up, and curls in a ball beneath it to sleep.

Elain feels that this boy is more sincere in his devotion than those who leave gaudy offerings at her temples, so she leaves the boy some food, a blanket, a straw mat, and some food. When he wakes he knows it was the goddess who heard his prayers, and he is delighted.

She does not realize that this boy is Azriel.

Elain’s country becomes embroiled in a civil war. Elain breaks the rules of the heavens outright and tries to end it before it begins by helping refugees of a horrible drought. She is kind to one refugee, taking on mortal form and helping him bury his son’s body, which he brought to the capitol to show the king of how severe the people’s suffering is. Her father didn’t care, and would not see the poor man.

Elain’s attempts to stop the refugee situation from becoming a civil war as the capitol refuses to send aid go nowhere, and in the end the war begins. She feels she has no choice but to openly step out as a Goddess of War and take the side of the capitol, where her parents still rule. Her heart aches at fighting the common folk, and she is still trying to end the drought in their homeland, but war is inevitable.

During the war, Elain meets a young soldier of only around 15. He is brave and good with a sword- though she advises a saber would suit him better. Though he is too young to really fight, she keeps him by her side. Together they witness the desperation of the refugees, whose leader- the man who she helped bury his son- summons a horrible demon.

Amarantha- a monster who always wears a mask that is half crying, half laughing.

Amarantha calls forth a plague that rips through the capitol. Elain realizes that the only ones who aren’t becoming infected with this plague are the soldiers and criminals- anyone who has taken a life. She realizes if others figure it out, the whole world will be consumed in blood as everyone tries to kill one another for immunity.

Elain’s favorite soldier is removed from the army by Lucien’s command, outing the boy as too young. Azriel is once again thrown aside- not that Elain realized it was him.

Meanwhile Elain, heartbroken at the suffering of her people, makes the ultimate decision: she saves her parents, but leaves the capitol to die and fall. If the refugees- now rebel army- kill everyone inside the capitol then the disease won’t spread (since soldiers would do the killing), and no one would ever know what the cure was. One city to save the world.

Helion knows the Goddess Elain’s heart was in the right place, but her intercession not only failed to stop the war, she made it worse. He is forced to put a Cursed Collar on her, stripping her of all her powers as a goddess. However, instead of her becoming mortal again, Helion gives her an immortal body.

Elain, after all, was only seventeen when she ascended and now could be counted in her twenties. Young by any standard. She is a good person, so Helion grants her the immortal body believing that some experience in the world will help her learn. With time and dedication, she can ascend once again to be a goddess, and he will remove the Cursed Collar.

Lucien and Cassian descend with her.

But her confidence has been shattered. To keep the royal family hidden, they are forced to perform tricks on the streets for meager coins, do manual labor (including on monuments insulting and demeaning the Goddess Elain), and are constantly on the run from members of the new government’s army who are hunting the King and Queen mercilessly.

Eventually, Lucien tells Elain and Cassian that it is simply too much, he’s sick the struggles, and leaves to take care of his own mother. Cassian and Lucien always hated one another and bickered nonstop, but this is the ultimate betrayal. If Cassian could kill Lucien with his bare hands, he would.

Elain becomes paranoid and terrified that Cassian will leave her too. She has no possessions of worth- they’ve all been pawned- but she has a single golden belt left. The mark of a heavenly official. A reminder of what she was and what she must work towards becoming again. She gives it to Cassian, for its value is very high, as a way to beg him to stay.

Soon after, Elain finds a shady merchant selling lanterns she realizes are lit not by fire, but by little flame spirits- remnants of souls that should have been allowed to rest in peace. These spirits were taken from the battlefields around the royal capitol, her soldiers. Elain manages to use a few meager coins to buy them, and goes about releasing the spirits.

One small flame spirit will not leave. It tells Elain that it cannot move on, because its beloved is suffering and it must watch over them always so they will not be alone. Idealistic and lovely, but Elain is too disheartened to feel anything by cynicism towards such words.

She leaves the little spirit- Azriel, who had snuck back onto the battlefields after being removed from the army and was cut down.

And then the king falls ill.

Elain is desperate for coin to help make things easier for Cassian (who is earning most of the money now) and to buy medicine for her father. Everything she tries fails, and, utterly at her wits end, she is forced to try her hand at robbing.

Though Elain is too horrified to actually rob a man, she chases after him and runs afoul of several junior heavenly officials who recognize her. She begs them not to tell anyone, and flees. They swear they won’t say a word.

Elain returns home, and she’s terrified of what she almost did for money. She decides to leave, going to find a mountain with good spiritual energy to meditate and hopefully make progress back towards gaining the merits to become a goddess again.

As soon as she arrives thirty-three heavenly officials come to train on the mountain, as such a thing can even help gods advance among their own ranks. They bully Elain, and eventually mock her for trying to rob the man (those junior gods were assholes and didn’t keep their word).

What’s worse- Lucien is among them. He didn’t go back to care for his mother, he abandoned Elain to become a god once again, a junior in the service of another (not a path Elain can take since she was once a full goddess). He helps chase Elain away.

That little flame spirit- Azriel- is there to witness the humiliation.

Elain flees in tears, running down the mountain until she collapses, sobbing. When she is left staring at the ground, a hand appears to help her up- Lucien. Elain slaps his hand away and screams at him, and leaves.

When she arrives home, Lucien is there with sacks of food and medicine for the King. He tries to explain that he only left to return to the heavens- betraying one master to go to a new one- because he knew he could use the position to get food and such for Elain, Cassian, and the King and Queen.

Elain screams at Lucien to go, throwing the sacks of food at him. Cassian takes Elain’s side, and Lucien lets slip that Elain tried to rob for money. He doesn’t know Cassian didn’t know, and Elain is thrown even further into despair.

More time passes, once again the money and food and medicine run out. Elain starts seeing figures around her where there is nothing- the figure of Amarantha all in white with that horrible mask. Her own robes are sometimes replaced with Amarantha’s, and she is slowly driven mad.

At the absolute edge of sanity, Elain feels a summons drawing her into the woods. She follows it, even when ghostly flames try to block her path and stop her from advancing, and ends up in a ruined temple. A ruined temple that was once hers. The divine statue has been destroyed.

Elain sits on the altar and waits, knowing Amarantha will show up to claim her.

Over hours, people trickle into the temple, and lured by a mysterious summons even they don’t consciously remember following. When there are 100 people inside, wild howls come from around them and crazed figures appear, all infected with the plague that destroyed Elain’s kingdom.

They fall back into the temple and Elain seals the door. She is grabbed by Amarantha, bound, and Amarantha holds her up on the altar by her skull. Amarantha tells the people what Elain was so scared of anyone finding out:: that the plague can be cured if the person is a murderer. Amarantha helpfully explains that Elain cannot die, but if they land a blow on her that would be fatal on another, it counts. To demonstrate, Elain is run through.

The pain is horrible, and when the next person picks up the sword and stabs her, she screams. A white flame spirit enters the building, the one who tried to stop Elain from coming in the first place. Amarantha captures it to play with (torment) as the villagers line up.

No matter how much Elain screams, they stab her. Some slash her throat, so that she can no longer make a sound. She is trapped in her body as it is mutilated and wrecked, staring up at that flame spirit and imagining she can hear it screaming at what is being done to her.

People stab her two or three times, just to be sure they landed a would-be-fatal hit and unable to tell what they are stabbing as she ceases to look even human anymore. Just a pile of ruined flesh spilled across her own altar. Even her face is destroyed.

That flame spirit- Azriel- screams out with every stab, until he can’t take it anymore and loses his sanity. He explodes in a wall of flame that turns all the humans inside the temple- and the infected outside- into ash. Above the skies roil, marking the birth of a particularly dangerous spirit.

Elain lays in agony as her body slowly knits back together. She is dazed as she stumbles away from the ruined temple. Traumatized beyond the brink of insanity. What was done to her horrifies her, and she feels only rage and grief. She was a Goddess, and now not only is she living in squalor and humiliation and degradation, she was attacked by humans for no reason other than personal gain. Not an ounce of kindness shown to her as they hacked at her body.

Elain sees Amarantha, who wants to take her as a disciple and raise her to wreak vengeance against the world. Elain flees.

When she gets home, two weeks (or months, the translation is inconsistent) have passed. Cassian has kept the king alive and the queen has been beside herself. She swears she will never chide Elain again, just please don’t leave.

None of them know what happened to her body. None of them can understand. Elain is sick and tired and broken. And she knows the worst will pass sooner or later- Cassian will abandon her just like Lucien did. Leave her in disgust. She can’t bear thinking about his friendship turning to hate, so she attacks him. She rips him apart with the worst words she can muster, until he leaves in disgust.

You can’t fear something that already happened.

Elain locks herself in her rooms and ignores even her mother’s pleading to come out.

When she wakes, she bathes. She has to go and try to find coin again, but cannot find the bandage she uses to cover half her face and hide her identity (since, you know, as a disgraced goddess her face is everywhere). The house is too quiet, and when Elain opens the doors to her parents room, she finds out why:

With the king’s health failing, and the humiliation of being deposed and on the run, living in squalor, he has lost all hope. Her mother won’t be left behind, and she knows her life is a burden on Elain’s as the fallen goddess tries to care for them.

So the king and queen have hung themselves. Elain carefully takes down their bodies and tries to hang too, but of course this immortal body- a gift from Helion himself- cannot die.

The hangman’s noose has absorbed two lives, and was used in incredible grief by a goddess herself. It is imbued with the love Elain’s parents felt for her and their tragic desire to die as a way to help them. The cloth comes to life, sort of like a snake meets a puppy, but when not in use, it wraps around Elain’s wrist as if her arm were injured.

At the king and queen’s deaths, whatever is left of Elain shatters.

She goes to the battlefields outside the dead royal capitol, her home, and wakes the souls of her people. Millions, all killed in battle or in the plague. She screams to them all, demanding to know if they hate. On her face is the white mask of Amarantha- half crying, half smiling.

And thus, the White Clothed Calamity is born. A twin to the White No-Faced demon (Amarantha).

The souls appear as black smoke that floods into Elain’s blade- the one that was used to mutilate her body. All that hatred condensing.

And in front of Elain appears the form of a soldier. Also wearing a mask. A particularly powerful resentful spirit on his way to becoming a demon.

Not that Elain would recognize Azriel even if she could see, so consumed is she by her hatred and wrath.

Elain takes those souls to the new royal capitol to kill the leader of the rebellion- that man whose child she helped bury. The man who rained hell down on all.

But he’s dead. Killed by the plague. She can’t even take her revenge right.

So Elain goes next to the lands ravaged by that drought, the whole reason for the civil war in the first place. The very city she tried to save as a goddess to stop the war from starting. She drops from the sky, impaled by the black sword. She has given herself three days.

Three days for a single soul to show her an ounce of kindness. If none do, she will unleash those souls and the plague will begin again as the hateful spirits infect body after body until the world runs red with blood.

No one helps her. Not until the third day, when a man trips over her body, cusses her out, and then feels bad for losing his temper. Right as the sun sets on the third day, he takes off his bamboo hat and offers it to her, to protect her from the rain.

A single act of kindness.

But it’s too late. The souls trapped in the sword explode into the sky.

Elain tries to tell the gathering crowd to pick up her sword and just stab her. She’s resigned to being hacked to death again and again if it will save even a single person from what she unleashed in her wrath and grief.

But no one is willing to hurt her. Not even to save themselves, and not even when she is begging them to. Unlike the group in the temple, who attacked her for themselves even when she begged them to stop.

So Elain does something painful and horrible- she raises the sword and draws all those hate-filled spirits into herself. It could very well destroy her, and the pain is worse even than being stabbed, but she will do it. If she can even save one person to undo her own mistake, she’ll do it.

But that second soldier appears again, the one who stood across from her on the battlefield.

He takes the souls into himself. Elain absorbs 300. He takes a million. It destroys him utterly- that kind brave man giving his soul, extinguishing himself forever- just to help her right a wrong.

But Azriel didn’t die. He was blown apart by the power, and re-formed bit by bit later on to become a Wrath-level (tier 3) ghost.

Helion descends from the heavens to meet Elain. Yes, she nearly did something unforgivable, but she was willing to destroy herself to right the wrong. For this- and all her suffering- Helion wishes to bring Elain up to the heavens once again as a goddess.

Her wrath extinguished, her spirit broken, Elain refuses his offer. That poor man’s soul was destroyed (seemingly) because of her. Someone suffered for what she did. She wants to atone, and atone for those one million souls she roused rather than helping them lay at rest in peace.

Elain asks Helion to put a new Cursed Shackle on her. This time not one that banishes her spiritual powers. Once upon a time she met a small boy she saved from falling. She was told she had infinite fortune, well above a normal person’s, but that child’s fate was endlessly dark and wretched.

Elain asks for a shackle that destroys her luck. That takes all of her good fortune and shatters it. Fortune is something that ebbs and flows through the world, by removing all of hers, that luck will be redistributed, and could bring good to the lives of others.

But an offer to return to heaven was granted, so Helion and Elain come up with a little show to explain away the new curse shackle without Helion appearing to punish a goddess who has done no wrong:

Elain ascends, as offered, and storms through heaven, hacking at the bodies of gods and challenging Helion himself. It becomes known famously as her Second Ascension, which lasts all of 10 minutes before she is fitted with a new cursed shackle and hurled form the heavens.

Elain’s life will be wretched, luck-less, and full of strife. Nothing she ever tries will go right. it is a life that would shatter the spirit of anyone. But for Elain, every misfortune means someone else has better luck than they should have. Every harm she suffers means someone else is blessed. She is atoning for what she did, and that makes her happy. She still mourns the soul of that boy who was destroyed, still lives in repentance of that, but she is atoning for her crimes.

During this time, that boy- now a Wrath Level Demon- finds he cannot loose. All the good fortune lost by Elain is funneled into him, and it is impossible for him to not get what he wants. He enters the Demonic Kiln and is re-forged as a Supreme (highest level) Demonic King. His weapons are the Silver Wrath Butterflies- a form he grants to those million souls he swallowed to help Elain.

He wears around his finger a red string, one of the ones that had bound him to that ghost lantern as a little flame spirit, a red string of fate that promises he will find his way back to Elain one day.

Azriel walks into the heavens and challenges thirty-five gods-- those who humiliated Elain on the mountaintop plus Cassian and Lucien, her hateful servants who abandoned her.

Cassian and Lucien refuse the challenge, but thirty-three gods take Azriel’s challenge---

He kills them all.

Not only does he humiliate them in front of their worshippers, he destroys 10,000 of their temples in a single night. One temple for every one of Elain’s that was destroyed when she fell as a goddess. Without worshippers or temples, the gods fade from existence.

Until, 800 years later, the heavens explode. Godly palaces are destroyed (including those of Cassian and Lucien, who are now full gods), the infrastructure shatters, and when the smoke clears there is Elain. A goddess once again. Except instead of being a goddess of war, she is a goddess of misfortune and junk.

To atone for accidentally ruining so many palaces (though she had no power over the size of the boom when she ascended, it corresponds with power), she goes to the mortal realm to solve a mysterious haunting.

The moment she arrives, she finds a silver butterfly following her and is enchanted by it. The butterfly vanishes, and as soon as she steps into the haunted forest a man in red appears, takes her hand, and gently leads her through a blood-rain, destroys barriers that would have kept her contained, and delivers her safely to the lair of the creature she is hunting.

From then on, Azriel is never far from her side. He has hunted for Elain for 800 years. The beautiful princess he fell in love with as a child, and met time and time again without her realizing it. After their second adventure together, Azriel gives Elain a diamond ring to wear around her neck.

If a ghost’s ashes are destroyed or scattered, they die. Elain doesn’t want this to happen to Azriel, who has made himself an enemy of heaven. Azriel only tells her that his ashes are safe, and if their hiding place is ever destroyed or if they are cast away, he has no will to exist any more anyways.

His ashes are contained within that diamond ring, imbued in the stone itself.

Elain doesn’t know why the gods hate Azriel so much, he is warm and kind to her (though admittedly cold to others). Azriel accompanies Elain obediently on many adventures, though every mystery they solve they run afoul of one heavenly official after another.

Elain starts to realize there is a rot in the heavens. So many gods with so many horrible secrets.

Elain and Azriel invade the home of a particularly evil ghost- the Green Demon. Tamlin. After Elain’s fall from grace he went mad, his obsessive feelings towards her turning from admiration to hatred. It was Tamlin who commissioned all those statues of Elain in humiliating and degrading positions. Tamlin is a cannibalistic evil ghost, though lower than Azriel in power.

He quickly takes possession of the body of a man with a small child and refuses to leave, so Azriel cannot even kill him without Elain being angry.

Realizing something is rotten in the heavens, Elain makes her base a rundown cabin barely standing. She lives there with Tamlin as her prisoner and Azriel as her constant companion. That child becomes a noose around Tamlin’s throat- endlessly obedient and loving towards his “father” (whose body Tamlin cannot leave or else Az will kill him). Bit by bit, Tamlin’s cruelty starts to fade (though he’s never really nice per-se, it’s just that he likes the kid).

On her journey she is joined by Nuala and Cerridwen- two low level gods in the service of Lucien and Cassian, who hate one another as much as their masters do. Their masters also hate Elain with a burning passion, so Nuala and Cerridwen help her in secret.

Out of courtesy, Elain pretends that she doesn’t know Nuala and Cerridwen are only Cassian and Lucien in another form, trying to atone themselves for abandoning her so long ago.

As Elain, Azriel, Cassian, and Lucien go on adventure after adventure the crimes of the heavens are unearthed one after another- from a god who killed humans to hide his own crimes to another who worked black magics to steal the good fortune of a man about to ascend to a god and attached it to his unwitting brother, leaving the man’s family to be raped and murdered while his brother enjoyed the divinity that should never have been his, to another god who tortured a mortal to death just for fun.

They start to realize too that Amarantha- who vanished from the world when Elain refused to release her curse- has been close by all along.

For the Demonic Kiln that forges Ghost Kings- that imbued Azriel with so much power- was born of a horrific tragedy 2,000 years ago in which Amarantha’s entire kingdom fell around her.

A tragedy which Amarantha turned into an opportunity- she raided the heavens, slaughtered all of her fellow gods and changed her form.

And as new gods rose, she placed herself upon the throne with this new face--

as Helion.

Elain, Azriel, Cassian, Lucien, and all of their new friends must work together to destroy Helion, find the true King of Heaven, and restore balance to the world before Amarantha plunges it all into chaos and destroys everything Elain loves.

The only one powerful enough to stop Amarantha is Elain, but with her luck sealed away and her powers still stifled by the Cursed Collar, it is up to the Demonic Realm to save the Heavens above before the mortal world is destroyed.

Azriel already died for Elain once. To see her smile freely once again, he’d die a million deaths more. No matter the hardships, this boy who has followed his princess for 800 years will follow her to the ends of the earth and beyond.

And their growing love might just be enough to tip the tides of war in their favor. King Azriel will always find a way to his Elain. Not even a two thousand year old Demonic-King of Heaven can stand in their way.

#Anonymous #tgcf #heaven official's blessing #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #ok so i mainly described the flashback books #but the main books are episodic within the arcs #still extremely extremely good and they build to form a narrative #but you can summarize it as 'gods suck and often do bad things too'#my writing #LATER THIS WEEKEND I WILL DO THE UNTAMED AS TOG CHARACTERS FOR THE OTHER ASK ANON

21 notes · View notes

llycaons · 3 years

Text

in retrospect, much of the attachment I have to the untamed is from...I don’t know what to call it, nostalgia? the intensity of the experience on my first watch was unparalleled. it was like nothing I’d ever seen before, a world to explore that was entirely new and, to me, seemed completely unique. I was constantly trying to figure out what was happening, baffled and delighted by everything that was so unfamiliar, from the story structure to the setting and genre to the naming conventions to the worldbuilding. and through the mesmerizing confusion, I found characters and relationships that felt achingly familiar. I’m not very well-informed on the genre and I have no way of evaluating within its own cultural context - even now, after a year of reading research and explanations by helpful fans, I can’t pretend to understand all of it or even understand any of it in the way it was meant to be understood.

but I saw this story begin with an instantly tragic and magnetically charismatic protagonist and watched it cycle through its themes of sacrifice and grief and duty and family ties and justice and I couldn’t look away. a tragedy and a romance...it has importance to me as a story that explores siblings relationships and found family, that deals with mental health and trauma and healing, that develops and delivers a beautiful gay love story, with disabled and neurodivergent heroes. the characters will never leave my heart. there are plenty of flaws in the storytelling, plot, and character writing, even within relationships I really like, but above all, to me, it’s just...all about love. it’s a story about love enduring, about trust, about knowing someone and supporting them, and about healing. this is episode 50

I complained in the past about how much of this episode was about wwx/lwj and I wanted to see what the other characters were doing, but on this go around, it feels like the perfect amount of time

but let’s start with jgy. no matter how warped and unhealthy his relationship with lxc is, I actually do believe that he never meant lxc physical harm. obviously what he did to him was harmful anyway, topping it off with trying to get lxc to agree to die with him. fucked

the blood looks so unrealistic. gross.

I really think seclusion will be good for lxc. he takes some time to reflect on his judgement, hopefully continuing to live positively instead of falling into a pit of self-loathing and hesitation and loss of confidence

lwj is so worried for him here, wwx has to drag him away

the way nhs says you can ever truly understand another person and yet we know wwx and lwj do understand each other in such an intimate way and trust and believe in each other...the zhiji lines are cql-only so I don’t think this was intended in the novel but it actually made me think of the end of tgcf. ling wen saying that everlasting love isn’t realistic and xie lian internally disagrees, because that’s what he has with hua cheng. huh.

lqr running forward with the juniors and yelling “no loud voices! no running!” hasgdjsadsf sir

ozy asking wwx is he’s okay while the camera is focused on jc in the bg...you want to ask him if he’s okay so bad don’t you jc

when it comes to our last shot of jiang cheng...it’s been a difficult road for him, but I think cql jc found some peace by the end of it. jin ling will keep encouraging him and wwx to reconnect and speak openly, and while JL cannot and should not become a crutch for their relationship like yanli was, I think it’s going to help them to have him supporting their efforts to reconnect. a long time from now. preferably like, years. let wwx grow into himself again, learn to live without the shadow of the jiangs bringing him grief. return if/when he’s ready

I don’t really see jc and lsz bonding. I don’t think lsz would resent him for what he did, but jc didn’t care about lzs when he was a refugee toddler and I don’t think he’d care to develop a relationship now. even with his connection to wwx and JL. they’d be...polite...at best.

and novel jc...he was horrible but his final scene was him realizing he would always hold a complicated mix of hatred and love for wwx and he would never, ever be able to openly speak about it or resolve it. he would always feel that way, with no catharsis or relief, alone and abandoned in favor of someone else. that was a miserable ending. he kind of deserved it though.

jc raising his hand to JL and then letting at fall back down, the camera focused on his hand stopped in the air with the autumn colors behind it...it means something. it’s small steps. he’s doing better. I think we’re meant to know he’s lost some of his anger, and when he can deal with his grief, he’ll be in a better place. maybe. depends on your interpretation. if fans want to read him as miserable and alone forever and that’s what he gets for what he did, I can see that too. but I’m an optimist and I want wwx to be able to be in LP again one day

jc’s actor once said that what jc really wants to say to wwx is “Lotus Pier will always be your home and you will always be welcome back” or something like that. I hope he can say those words eventually, and it would mean a lot, but at this point it’s too late to expect wwx to consider LP his home again. jc not being able to move on for 16 years doesn’t have to keep wwx back

jin ling and jiang cheng’s relationship...I am having emotions for it ngl. but I’m so happy jin ling gets to be with wwx postcanon too. their love for each other only after a few months really is *pleading face*

there’s a lot of hope for jin ling! being a super young sect leader is terrible, but he’s got people who support him! older clan leaders! friends! he didn’t used to have those!

and he’s so good about fairy, he’s so open with his feelings. besides a little embarrassment and defensiveness, he’s shaping up to be a genuinely conscientious young man who cares about the needs of others and who can speak openly about what he thinks and feels, someone loyal and well-meaning and brave. I do think some of that was wwx’s influence. his parents would be proud.

and now to the other child! I wish lzx was more developed but he has a sense of mischief that’s overlooked I think. he’s funny. and god does this scene make me weep. the flashback...

and WEN NING!!! taking his last family member to honor their lost relatives, then deciding on his path for himself!! the growth!!

I like to think he works with kids but they don’t have any respect for him lmao. I really don’t like the novel extras where he hangs out outside of gusu and goes night-hunting with the juniors because it just seems like he’s a servant whose only activities are babysitting. I think he’d want like, an actual home. why can’t he live in CR, huh? and I do like to think he helps out with wwx and lwj’s babies. maybe visits their sect. song lan is there too. they’ve healed xxc’s and a-qing’s soul

also wait back up the scene where lwj is like “I need to tell you something” and wwx is like !!!! you know he’s waiting for the confession and then lzx and wen ning run up and wwx is like ugh I just a minute alone with lan zhan that was so funny. dude you’ve been living with him for months. you can be the one to confess, wwx!

the shots of the flowers and the bees are so !!!! it’s springtime and there’s new life!

and now, wangxian :)

lwj not going with wwx...I have heard novel fans complain about this bc it’s ooc and yeah for novel lwj it’s ooc, that man dropped his responsibilies immediately to be with wwx 24/7 and only returned three months later to live in CR again. but it’s perfect for the drama

cql lwj - okay, I don’t want to speculate on why the drama team changed so many things about his character. maybe they did like the novel and were only trying to give a close rendition of it that would pass censorship. maybe they were grossed out by his possessiveness and decided to ease up and soften him out. maybe they just used the novel as an outline and decided to create their own character that they thought would be a better fit for the story

for whatever reason, cql lwj has consistently made choices that novel lwj never would, bc cql lwj has things that are important to him that fall outside of wwx AND he’s able to make his own moral choices, and communicate when and how he is comfortable. he’s also just...way more respectful and knows wwx as a person rather than an object of obsession. tbh I find novel lwj kind of pitiful. obsessing over a dude who you think hates you for over a decade vs. mourning someone you loved and who loved you back

all this makes him a more rounded character, it gives him his own moral compass and principles, and it makes him much more likeable. cql lwj is a phenomenal love interest. novel lwj is a cardboard cutout with maybe three interests who needed his family to tell wwx he was in love with him. I cringed whenever he was on the page. there were decent part to his character but the writing was a mess

but! cql lwj! making his own oath at the lantern scene, deciding to put aside his personal desires and return to CR when they need him, accepting the CC role because it would let him help people on a larger scale, seeing wwx off because he knows wwx wants to be free, and importantly, being the one to tell wwx the name of his song. we don’t see it, but we know it happens. cql wwx and lwj went through this incredible arc together of growth and maturity and apology and forgiveness and the relationship is so strong by the end you know they’re going to be kissing just minutes after the camera cuts, if that

I don’t have a super strong opinion on CC lwj but I like that he’s doing good in the world just like he and wwx always wanted to. I like that he’s taken on duties, and I think that he would do a great job. he has no time for bullshit and he’s impossible to corrupt. and it ties in beautifully with his and wwx’s goals when they were young

I’ve read fic where he quits it the first chance he gets and I don’t think he would? he wants to make a difference in people’s lives. there’s no reason he can’t get married and have a relationship while being CC. I don’t think he’s CC for more than very long because I personally see them both leaving to set up the wei sect a few years or so after wwx returns from his travels, but it’s not a bad choice for the character or a bad writing decision

I do see the appeal in leaving the bullshit of the cultivation world and travelling freely with your love that you waited for so long for yada yada but it’s so irresponsible? they don’t really feel like adults a lot of times in the novel tbh

this is going to sound weird, but just how reading the novel made me appreciate the show so much more, watching the show actually enhanced my appreciation for the the novel. whether it was finally understanding a scene that was nonsensical without context, recognizing worldbuilding details not in the drama, just enjoying a great scene brought to life (like myu vs. wlj, like nightless city monologue), or even wishing cql had included little things from the novel

it’s a show where the content around it makes it so much rewarding. which is again why I’m so into fic

I’ve read so much fanfiction because of this show and while most fic is bad, I’ve had some truly incredible reading experiences and I’m very grateful to everyone who contributed to those works

lwj wearing blue again at the waterfall scene!!! the “you deserve your title of wei ying” is such a good line and I’m so glad I read a post explaining what it meant

oddly I actually preferred the censored version of the finale that I first saw. wwx and lwj agree to part ways because lwj has responsibilies. he’s going to handle them while wwx relaxes and figures out his next move. wwx doesn’t want to stay in gusu forever (and we KNOW he’s nervous about being tied down and controlled, this is in-character) and he has to get used to being alive again and work through his personal trauma, so he leaves and lwj finds him after an unspecified amount of time. they reunite. they are free to do whatever they want with the knowledge that they love each other and with aligned hearts and goals. and that is the perfect ending, to me

I’m partial to it also because lwj during the gusu scenes is acting just the same as he always did, albeit calmer and more content, and I like to think that when they get together and they’re alone, he’s going to be a little less stone-faced, he’s going to joke around a little, maybe even smile big enough to see his teeth. read that in a fic once and it was so cute. but that’s just me. also they’re both super sappy and romantic and I think they’d be really cute and affectionate with each other and I just don’t see them realistically interacting in the physically distant way they’re required to on camera

although I do have a thought that wwx, while touch-starved, is so unused to other people’s touch as a friendly or loving sensation and not as a dangerous thing that after all these years he’s grown a little touch averse and has to get used to good things again stepwise. this isn’t really backed up by anything in canon but I like it. and I do think that going from 0 to 100 with lwj no matter how long they’ve been yearning would be...a lot to take in

the other reason I love this version of the ending is because it feels like such a final and massive change from the show so far that it provides a perfect narrative place to have the confession scene. the audience is free to go wild, but you know they tell each other how they feel on that cliffside. and letting the viewers imagine what that looks like, during and after, if wwx says what he thinks the song is or lwj does what kind of confession it will be, if wwx goes back with him, or they travel together for a while, or they settle somewhere new - that really appeals to me

if we can’t have uncensored romance I would rather have a strong implication that the audience can fill in the blanks with rather than a lukewarm...shift in their living situation? what actually changed between them once he came back in the uncensored version? I can’t even tell. but that’s just my personal opinion and I get why people wanted the uncensored version that implies they got together before the cut to black

the first time I saw that shot of them on the hillside saying goodbye my brain was like omg wwx is on one knee he is PROPOSING even though that makes zero sense obviously for a lot of reasons

wei ying

final scene - cutting the music as soon as we hear lwj is brilliant. the sudden silence, the significance of the moment crashing down, wwx’s excited, hopeful smile and then, turning, his smile returning as relief and love

returning him to the one he loves, his light who’s waiting for him

after everything, wwx finding a home and being with someone he loves unconditionally and who unconditionally loves him...being well-fed and supported and free to do what he wants to...starting his life with his zhiji....having a family once again...it’s what he deserves

like I said, minutes after the fade to black

they are kissing

#literally I am going to call my therapist because of this show being finished today #I cannot overstate how the trauma being portrayed in this show has impacted me in my own mental health #took me two and a half months...what a jourey #i can't even say im done with the show because I really don't think I am #cql rewatch #long post

9 notes · View notes

pengiesama · 4 years

Text

The Fox Groom (Fic, TGCF, HC/XL)

Title: The Fox Groom Series: Heavenly Official’s Blessing (Tian Guan Ci Fu) Pairing: Hua Cheng/Xie Lian

Summary:

Once upon a time, a brave and compassionate prince saved the life of an injured, starving fox.

Once upon a time, a fox fell in love with a human.

Once upon a time, a fox made a wish: a wish for a human form, to serve the prince, and stay by his side. But, like all things, that wish came with a price.

The story of a prince-turned-penniless cultivator, and a fox-turned-human, incapable of saying the words he wants to the most.

Notes:

Written for the MXTX Reverse Big Bang 2019! @mxtxbigbang

I partnered up with the wonderful Blu (@bluestrawberrypaint / shibe_sann (Twitter)), who provided the writing prompt as well as beautiful art for the fic! See their finished art piece here. I'm honored to be allowed to write their idea into reality.

Link: AO3

Read on Tumblr!

Xian Le was a glorious kingdom, and was renowned far and wide for its splendor. This notoriety was well-earned: it was, after all, very glorious, very splendid, and very, very wealthy. However, to maintain such an envious reputation, there was a certain necessity for loud and ostentatious displays of its attributes.

Its gilded palaces and jeweled temples were as numerous as flowers, and equally as beautiful. Its music and poetry and plays were known even across the seas. There was always an occasion for a festival, a parade, a feast at the palace with only the most elite of attendees. An envious reputation was best cultivated through a perfect balance of gratuitous showboating and exclusivity. Look, look all upon us – look upon us, and know the glory that you dare not touch.

The event that best encapsulated this mindset was the annual Imperial Hunt.

The Xian Le imperial hunt; a glorious and storied tradition, where the royal family and nobility valiantly set out into the wilderness to vanquish evil with nothing but the swords on their hip, the arrows on their backs, and hundreds of personal assistants to keep them in the comfort they expected. They were of course also accompanied by fleets of elite soldiers, who did the lion’s share of the work in scouting out and chasing down prey.

It would not do for the Xian Le nobility to be thought of as the idle rich – well, not entirely. While few of the nobles looked forward to leaving the comforts of the imperial city, the idea of not attending – worse, not being invited – was simply scandalous. And so, most were content to spend their week in the autumn wilderness in spacious and well-outfitted silken tents, sipping tea and writing guqin compositions on topic of the red maple leaves, while the busy work was taken care of by the staff.

…most were content.

“Your highness! Please, wait!”

Xie Lian had never listened to his bodyguards before, and was not about to start now – especially when his target was almost within his grasp.

Said target was a spider-legged demon the size of a draft horse. The eight sharp, jointed legs supported a massive round body, covered entirely in long, coarse black hair. Unlike the noble arachnid it had crudely copied its shape from, it sported only a single pair of eyes and a grinning, toothy mouth; both too large, and too human-like. It was a fearful sight to behold. It had terrorized nearby villages for months, and had effortlessly taken down troops of soldiers and cultivators sent to neutralize it. It was powerful, and terrifying, and was fleeing for its life from Xie Lian’s relentless pursuit.

Xie Lian was the crown prince of Xian Le; the only son, an only child, the one and only darling of the heavens themselves. His martial talents were known far and wide – he was as unparalleled in the sword as he was with the spear, with the bow, with the staff, with nothing but his fists and feet. His mind was as sharp as the blades he wielded, and his sense of justice was as sturdy as the earth beneath his nimble feet. Or – being that he was currently freefalling through the air – at least as sturdy as the impact of his foot colliding with the thorax of the demon spider, sending the awful beast tumbling down from the tree trunk it had been previously scaling.

It landed hard on the forest floor; flipped on its back like a turtle. It let loose an awful croaking noise as it flailed its legs, trying and failing to right itself. It was too little, too late. A flash of sunlight in the tree canopy heralded Xie Lian’s descent, as if he was a bolt of divine lightning. He leapt from the highest branch, sword drawn, aiming straight for the wretched beast’s exposed underbelly.

It was mercifully quick. The demon spider croaked out its death rattle, and its legs twitched spasmodically for a few seconds before they stiffened and went motionless.

Xie Lian withdrew his sword, and pulled a paper talisman from his sleeves. He attached the talisman to the beast’s corpse, and murmured a quick incantation. The talisman erupted into white flames, and rapidly started to spread across the beast’s body; purifying its remains to ensure none of the corruption roiling within it would spread and reform itself into something equally vile.

“Your highness! For heaven’s sake…”

Xie Lian smiled at his bodyguards as they approached. “Sorry, Feng Xin. If you and Mu Qing keep squabbling over whose turn it is every time we spot a target, you can’t blame me for taking matters into my own hands.”

Mu Qing clicked his tongue irritably. “It was my turn, for the record.”

Feng Xin shoved him. Mu Qing punched him in the jaw. Within seconds, they were rolling around on the forest floor, kicking and slapping each other; lit by the setting sun and the gentle glow of the burning spider monster corpse. Xie Lian shook his head and took out a handkerchief to clean the blood from his sword.

Most Xian Le nobles were content to allow the soldiers to capture and beat targets into submission; once subdued, the killing blow would be delivered by whatever noble liege the troop was assigned to. This would ensure the points for the kill were properly granted to their rightful recipient �� tallies were carefully tracked by enchanted jade bracelets attached to every participant, and were quite serious business indeed. As crown prince, Xie Lian was of course entitled to a first-place finish; however, he was quite determined to earn this placement legitimately instead of relying on his bodyguards’ undeniable talents…

…and this, unfortunately, had the side effect of giving his bodyguards more free time to fight with each other. (Although they seemed to always make time for it regardless of the situation.)

“We only have an hour’s worth of daylight left,” Xie Lian stated. He stuck his empty sword sheath between Feng Xin and Mu Qing, trying to separate them as one would two fighting cats with a broomstick. “Then we’ll need to be more on guard. I’d like to keep our lead and not be stuck playing catchup tomorrow.”

Finally, Xie Lian managed to pry the two of them apart. Grumbling, they stood up, dusting themselves off and rubbing their sore jaws and shoulders.

“With all due respect, His Highness’ lead is such that it would take more than a single idle night for others to catch up,” Feng Xin said.

“We could very well spend the rest of this joke of an expedition drinking ourselves to death in a ditch and still comfortably hold the top placement,” Mu Qing added, with no small amount of disdain. “Even with an entire damn fleet of soldiers doing all the work for them, these nobles still manage to be useless leeches.”

“A harsh statement,” Xie Lian chided. “An insult to the hardworking leeches in the medical field.”

A horrible shriek rang out through the trees.

“From the southeast,” Feng Xin stated with confidence.

“Southwest,” Mu Qing corrected.

“Split the difference,” Xie Lian confidently declared; setting southward before Feng Xin and Mu Qing started brawling again.

It wasn’t hard to find their target – its continued shrieking and cursing were like a guiding beacon. Initially, the noise sounded inhuman enough for Xie Lian to assume they would be closing in on another demon target. However, as they got closer, it was clear they were dealing with something a little more…familiar, but no less foul.

“FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING RANCID MANGY SHIT I’LL FUCKING SKIN YOU WHILE YOU’RE STILL ALIVE AND FUCKING CRUSH THAT FUCKING SKULL AND—”

“Qi Rong!” Xie Lian barked. “Where is your entourage?”

Qi Rong was madly chopping at the base of a tree, wielding his gilded sword like a woodsman’s axe. Having finally turned fifteen, he’d begged and screamed and demanded to accompany his much-adored cousin Xie Lian on the Imperial Hunt this year, which was an outing that required a sword on one’s person. Reluctantly, Xie Lian’s father had bestowed upon him a fine golden blade, with the strict guidelines that he was not to wield it against anything but the beasts of the hunt, and that he would not leave the accompaniment of the soldiers assigned to protect him. These guidelines went out the window the moment Qi Rong had the sword in hand, and within half a day he was swaggering through the palace halls like an accomplished general, terrorizing servants and wielding the sword against rogue porcelain vases with all the finesse of a child with a stick.

Xie Lian had put a stop to his nonsense, but his father seemed to have no interest in disciplining Qi Rong further, or revoking the privilege of attending the hunt. His royal status gave him a right to attend regardless, he’d said, but the truth of the matter was that he simply did not feel it was worth the effort to bother. The tantrum at having his much-desired invitation snatched away would have resulted in far more than just a few shattered vases.

Xie Lian strode, chin high, to interrupt Qi Rong’s assault on the tree’s roots. He snatched the blade between two fingers as Qi Rong raised it once more, and effortlessly yanked it out of his cousin’s grip. He tossed the gaudy golden thing behind him, hearing it stick into the ground well out of reach. Qi Rong sputtered in wordless rage.

“Explain yourself,” Xie Lian said.

Qi Rong tried to dart away to reclaim his sword, but a battle against Xie Lian’s reflexes was destined to failure. Xie Lian grabbed him by the back of his robes and held him in place.

“Ow ow ow ow! Cousin crown prince!” Qi Rong wailed. “I wanted to hunt monsters too!! Those stupid meatheads just wanted to march around and shoot arrows at targets, and they wouldn’t even let me do anything when we did find a monster! I could’ve did it like you and chopped off its legs, then gone in and start stabbing right into its vital points—”

Qi Rong had never been trained with a sword for the same reason one would not strap knives to the limbs of a rabid beast. (Even if he had been given training, he surely would have skipped all his lessons like he did with every other topic.) The idea of him being able to emulate Xie Lian’s feats was laughable.

“And this explains why you’re here, chopping firewood?” Xie Lian interrupted him before he could go on with his violent fantasies any longer.

Qi Rong made a noise like a hot tea kettle, and he pointed accusingly at a little recess underneath the tree’s roots. It was small, too small for anything larger than a small animal to hide – all the beasts and monsters and demons gathered for the Imperial Hunt were chosen for their massive size. It was, after all, much more exciting to fell a giant creature, and made for more impressive trophies and commemorative prints after the fact.

“That thing was stealing our rations!” Qi Rong hissed. “I kicked it away and it made this awful fucking noise, like some screaming woman, so I know it’s not really what it looks like, so I ran after it and it fucking hid down there before I could kill it…”

Xie Lian gestured, and Feng Xin and Mu Qing came over to supervise Qi Rong while Xie Lian investigated. He knelt to the forest floor, his heavy silk robes spreading around him like a flower; white and red and gold. The sun was setting behind him, bathing him in a heavenly glow. He peered into the little root hideaway, and saw the “monster”: a small, injured, terrified little fox. Wholly ordinary, wholly innocent. Its great dark eye focused on Xie Lian’s face; intense and unblinking, despite the halo of the sun surrounding him.

“It’s alright,” Xie Lian said softly. “You’re safe now.”

He extended a hand to the poor creature, trying to beckon it out. Xie Lian, for all his martial prowess, was a spoiled prince who lived in a golden palace – even if this wasn’t some dangerous monster as his cousin insisted, Xie Lian was heedless of the danger of trying to befriend a wounded wild animal. All he knew was simple compassion for an innocent creature in desperate need of kindness.

“Cousin crown prince!” howled Qi Rong. “Don’t! It’s a fucking monster, it bit the shit out of my hands and kept screaming like some bitch getting slapped around—”

“It’s a fox,” Xie Lian shot back. “And what did you expect him to do when you were trying to kill him?”

Xie Lian felt a tiny exhale of breath against his hand, and looked back to see that the fox had crept forward from its hiding place to delicately sniff Xie Lian’s hand. Xie Lian’s heart sank as he took in the poor thing’s condition. It was small, so small that it couldn’t yet be fully grown, and so emaciated that Xie Lian could clearly count its ribs through its filthy matted coat. Blood, both fresh and long-dried, was caked on its fur. A deep cut over its right eye had left the organ so damaged that it was wholly red and almost certainly blind. It clearly had been on its own for some time, with no mother to help it hunt, or keep its fur tidy, or defend it against those who meant it harm.

As far as Xie Lian was concerned, there was only one course of action.

“We’re going back to my tent,” Xie Lian declared. “Mu Qing, please run ahead and tell the royal physicians to draw a medicinal bath and bring supplies. Have the chefs bring in some meat and milk as well. Oh, and get some fresh linens to make bedding with.”

Mu Qing stared. “…it’s a fox.”

“It’s a fucking monster!” Qi Rong hysterically insisted.

“I don’t like repeating myself,” Xie Lian said firmly. “Feng Xin, accompany Qi Rong back to his entourage. I’ll need to rush back to the tent to get him treated once I coax him out.”

“…it’s a fox…” Feng Xin echoed, helplessly, but he’d known Xie Lian long enough to understand when his mind was made up.

With his two bodyguards (and screaming cousin) now gone, Xie Lian was able to devote his full attention to the little creature cowering under the tree’s roots. The fox was still staring at Xie Lian; staring and staring, trembling in every limb, ears plastered back. But not growling, not showing its teeth. That was a good start. Belatedly, Xie Lian remembered the satchel of rations tucked into his sash – dried meat, good for long-lasting energy while on the hunt for creatures of darkness. Xie Lian peeled off a bit of it, and offered it to the little fox.

“Here,” Xie Lian said softly. He took a bite of the portion in his other hand to demonstrate. “Passable as far as camping food goes.”

Hunger was a powerful motivator. The fox inched forward, on trembling limbs, to investigate. It became clear that the fox’s fear wasn’t the only thing slowing its step – from the way it held the limb up, limping along, one of its back legs was clearly badly injured. Broken, perhaps. The creature was battered and trampled all over, with injuries both old and new. Qi Rong could hardly be blamed for all of it. Or even most of it.

Little fox, all alone in the world. Xie Lian’s heart ached.

“I’m sorry. I doubt this foolish hunt of ours has made your life any easier, lately,” Xie Lian said.

It doesn’t look like your life is easy in general, he added silently. It was not something that he saw fit to voice – this creature needed his action, and his compassion, not his pity.

…Even if the fox surely couldn’t understand a word he was saying, regardless…

He gave the fox another strip of meat to eat. The fox swallowed it down, hardly chewing; driven by urgency to get something in its empty stomach.

“I’d like to take you back to my tent,” Xie Lian said. “We have food, and a warm and safe place for you to spend the night. The monsters always more active during the night…”

…as if the fox wasn’t already well aware. Those recent injuries had to have come from something, and it wasn’t all Qi Rong. Xie Lian felt a twinge of guilt. He always thought of the Imperial Hunt as a frivolous waste of time, simply another kind of social gathering for idle nobles, a way for the Xian Le military to showcase its might…but he’d also thought that the only things getting hurt were the monsters the military rounded up into the hunting grounds. It was so unfair, that this little fox – already struggling to survive – had to suffer all the more just so a bunch of nobles could have a pointless romp in the woods. Xie Lian wanted to do what he could to make things right.

He gave the last of his rations to the fox, and, again, offered his hand to sniff. Slowly, hesitantly, as if expecting to be struck at any moment, the fox leaned its little head into Xie Lian’s palm. Its eyes slid shut, and it let out a small breath before going completely still. Xie Lian almost panicked – the fox was in such bad shape that it wouldn’t be surprising if it had just dropped dead before his eyes – but calmed somewhat when he still saw the slow rise and fall of the fox’s chest as it breathed.

Carefully, Xie Lian moved to pick up the little creature. The fox’s eyes flew open at the feeling of Xie Lian’s gentle touch, but it made no move to run (as if it could make it very far) or bite. It simply continued to stare, eyes huge and mismatched, up at Xie Lian as he bundled the creature close to his chest. Xie Lian could feel the quick stuttering of its heart, even through his robes. Such a steady, strong heartbeat. Such a remarkable creature.

“Come on,” Xie Lian said. “Let’s head back.”

Despite his cantankerous personality, Mu Qing was as excellent a personal assistant as he was a bodyguard, so when Xie Lian entered his royal tent, he was presented with everything he’d requested: a warm bath, food, and three royal physicians who stared at him as he entered. Disbelief was plain on their faces.

“…a fox,” one finally stated.

“Yes,” Xie Lian confirmed. “I am quite sure doctors of your stature can manage to attend to him. If I’m mistaken, however, I’m quite sure there are many army physicians milling about that we could call in to consult.”

Xie Lian knew that they would not dare go against a direct order from the crown prince, but it would perhaps do some good to remind them to take their charge seriously. The physicians rose from their kneeling positions and hurried over to Xie Lian to examine their new patient. Xie Lian carefully studied their faces, looking for any sign of disdain or disgust. He would not hesitate to dismiss any of them if he needed to. This creature deserved to be treated with care and respect.

The fox eyed the doctors warily, and flinched and growled as they poked and prodded him. Xie Lian soothed him:

“It’s alright, it’s alright. Let’s get you cleaned up so they can treat you, and then we’ll have dinner…”

The fox’s eyes had slipped shut again at the sound of Xie Lian’s voice and the gentle touch of his hands, but they flew open again at the sound of fabric slipping to the floor. Xie Lian laughed.

“Don’t worry! I’m just getting undressed so I can get into the tub with you. It’ll be easier for me to wash you that way…”

The fox’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head, and it began to squirm relentlessly in Xie Lian’s arms. Xie Lian tilted his head curiously.

“…too shy?” he hazarded a guess.

The fox stopped squirming, but couldn’t quite meet Xie Lian’s gaze. Ah well, Xie Lian thought as he walked over to the tub, dressed only in his inner robes. We can do it this way then. It would be easier to do this undressed – I just so hate the feeling of wet sleeves.

After carefully lowering the fox into the warm medicinal bathwater, Xie Lian gestured to Mu Qing, who – not without sighing – came over to help tie up Xie Lian’s voluminous sleeves, baring his snowy-pale skin and firm arms. The fox, still unable to look at Xie Lian’s face, was now equally determined to not look at the arms and hands that came to card through his wet fur.

At every pass of Xie Lian’s hands, the fox flinched less and less. The blood and mud caked to his coat washed away, revealing fur of a most marvelous color – a deep reddish-gold, like the autumn forest surrounding them. One could only imagine how beautiful it would be after a few months of being fed and cared for in the palace. Although Xie Lian’s heart still ached at how thin he was – Xie Lian could distinctly feel the outline of his spine, his ribs, just as he could feel the pounding of the creature’s heart – Xie Lian was relieved to see that his injuries were not quite as bad as they’d originally looked. The medicinal water was already working to heal the fox; wounds knitting shut before his eyes, bones setting into place. The fox’s eyes stayed mismatched, but this really only added to his charm.

“There now,” Xie Lian said. “I’ll get you dried off and we’ll have something to eat.”

The fox shook out his coat, sending a shower of bathwater everywhere. Xie Lian laughed in delight, but Mu Qing wasn’t quite as entertained. With an annoyed grunt, he handled off a towel to Xie Lian’s waiting hands and stormed off to prepare bowls of food, cursing to himself all the way.

“Such a beautiful coat,” Xie Lian praised, and meant it – even though said coat was now pointing every which way, fluffing the fox out enough that he almost looked well-fed. “Like a red maple. I don’t suppose you have a name already? What do you think about ‘Red Maple’?”

The fox stared at him blankly as Xie Lian worked the towel over his fur.

“Hmm. Just ‘Red’, then? That would be more masculine-sounding, I agree…”

“Your Highness,” Mu Qing said. “A thousand apologies for interrupting your conversation with your new associate. Dinner is ready.”

Despite Mu Qing clearly not actually being sorry at all, his feelings on the situation were clear enough; he’d chopped the meat in one of the bowls into small enough pieces that they could be easily chewed, and wet it with milk to help with digestion.

“Your Highness,” Feng Xin said with despair evident in his tone. He’d returned from his harrowing quest to deliver Qi Rong to find this scene before him. “Please, I’m certain the animal can eat on its own…”

Xie Lian had Red settled on his lap, swaddled in blankets, and was hand-feeding him chunks of meat from the bowl. It brought to mind the image of a lady noble doting on a small ornamental dog. Or a mother bird feeding its young. At that thought, Feng Xin had a brief flash of terror that Xie Lian would start chewing food for the creature.

“He’s still recuperating,” Xie Lian stated, his tone brooking no argument. “Once Little Red comes back to the palace with us, he’ll have healed up enough to take his meals normally…”

To the creature’s credit, it was just as shocked at this statement as Feng Xin and Mu Qing were. Its huge eyes stared up at Xie Lian, ignoring the tempting bit of meat offered between Xie Lian’s elegant fingers.

“…back to the palace,” Feng Xin echoed. “Your Highness. With respect, a common wild animal is not a fit companion for someone of your stature…”

“My grandfather had a pet tiger,” Xie Lian said mildly, trying to get Red re-interested in his dinner. “There’s more than enough precedence.”

(As if Xie Lian actually cared about precedence, instead of doing exactly what he had decided upon already and ignoring any arguments to the contrary.)

“I’m certain your noble parents would give you a whole stable of tigers if you wished it,” Feng Xin began, with a very convincing argument on his lips.

“That’s very nice of them. Little Red has proven himself to be far stronger than a stableful of tigers, though,” Xie Lian said, cutting off that argument before it even sprang into existence.

Feng Xin’s jaw gaped, and Mu Qing rose an eyebrow – the two were actually in mutual agreement over something for once, and it was unsurprisingly on the topic of Xie Lian doing something ridiculous. Xie Lian smiled and hoisted Red up under his front legs, lifting him so they could see eye to eye.

“Surviving alone for so long in a den of monsters, armed with nothing but his wits and teeth. Truly, as powerful as any tiger I’ve seen.”

“If a fox is as powerful as a tiger, then the farmers that chase them away from their chickens must be mighty martial gods.” Mu Qing flicked his eyes to Feng Xin’s untouched dinner bowl, and scowled. “Eat before I shove your face in it. I won’t reheat it for you.”

It was rather hard indeed for anyone to tell the crown prince of Xian Le that he wasn’t allowed to do something. And so, the three of them went to bed that night fully expecting to be bringing a furry addition back to the Xie household.

It was very unexpected indeed for Xie Lian to awaken with no ball of red fluff curled against his chest. He looked, and looked; turned his whole tent and the surrounding camp upside-down, sent Feng Xin and Mu Qing and his own self searching in every direction. There was neither hide nor hair of the sweet creature that Xie Lian had sworn to protect.

As the hunt concluded that afternoon, Xie Lian left for the palace with a heavy heart. He hoped that Red would grow and thrive, wherever his paws had carried him.

The fox was just an ordinary, ugly thing. The fox was not powerful, it was not beautiful. It was a lowly scavenging beast.

But the prince had saved the fox, all the same. The prince had appeared, bathed in golden sunlight, and had treated him gently. He’d eased his pain, he’d held him close. He’d given him a name.

The fox’s heart would belong to the prince forevermore. This was simple fact. But it was true, what that other, lesser human had said. The fox was not a fit companion for the prince.

But the fox had gotten a taste of what it could feel like, if he was. And the fox was so, so greedy.

There was a legend that all foxes knew, deep in their bones. (The fox could not remember anyone having told him, anyway – he only dimly remembered a mother, and perhaps two older siblings. Long dead, in any case. He’d been alone for as long as he could recall.)

The legend was as such: journey to the realm of the Fox God, undertake their trials, and be granted an audience and a wish.

Red knew what he needed to do, if he was ever to be able to return to his prince. He would earn a place at his side. He would make himself into something worth his prince’s compassion.

And so, Red had slipped away into the night, with the cadence of his prince’s heartbeat thrumming in his bones.

#天官赐福 #tgcf #heavenly official's blessing #tian guan ci fu #hualian #mxtxrbb2019 #a tenderly crafted fanfiction

6 notes · View notes