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#the major reason i love wearing masks is that i can be as expressive as i want and nobody has to know
chuuyrr · 1 year
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Gojo reader comforting Dazai about what’s underneath his bandages.Or Gojo reader comforting Chuuya about “not being” human,in both scenario’s she is obviously accepting of it no matter how much they doubt it.
upon the tainted sorrow & no longer human — bsd x gojo! reader
masterlist of infinity
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╰➤ CW(s): possible spoilers for stormbringer (bsd light novel) and dark era, mentions of suicide and self-harm on dazai's part, and major themes of hurt and fluffy comfort
╰➤ SYNOPSIS: in which your dearly beloved struggles with their inner demons, but you're there to comfort and wholeheartedly accept them no matter what.
╰➤ PAIRING(s): dazai osamu, chuuya nakahara (separately)
before you read: i read from somewhere how dazai and chuuya's abilities kind of talk about each other's past. also, lemme know if this new theme is better than the old one, and if you got the (somewhat) references i put into this.
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upon the tainted sorrow — dazai osamu
the reason i love you is you being you, just you.
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dazai was an enigma, and he still was. sure, there were many things you didn't know about him, but even without your six eyes, you're no stranger to the mask he wears; the fake smiles, laughter, and his jokes about committing double suicide with you.
although his eyes sparkled and his hands were warm as they held you, they couldn't conceal the emptiness, the black hole embedded in his heart, or the sadness beneath his bandages.
and the thing was, even when you two got together, your boyfriend never really told you much about his past, but you were quick to tell what dazai had been through. after all, the eyes were the window to the soul.
every time he tried to take his breath away, your curiosity and genuine concern grew. although dazai liked to make it light for every failed attempt, it was still heart wrenching for you, and although you never expressed it properly, mostly probably out of fear, you were scared that one day, dazai would become successful and he'd be gone. nonetheless, despite your fear of him, you loved him.
right now, it past midnight. you were supposed to be asleep under the covers with your boyfriend by now, but you were wide awake. you couldn't get your mind off what had just happened. you had just returned from tokyo, specifically from your organization, and were on your way home to your boyfriend's when he attempted again, but this time it was different.
he had gotten a little closer to death's door today, and you can only imagine what lies beneath his bandages as a result. after that, dazai didn't let you see anything. with a smile and a laugh, he simply shrugged it off as another failed attempt. you remembered seeing what was underneath when he got tangled up in the same bandages he was trying to change, and dazai was quiet for the first time.
dazai felt the demons inside his head come after him and flood it with thoughts because of the way you were staring at him with those bare heaven-sent eyes of yours as you changed his bandages and cleaned him up, but if only dazai knew that wasn't the case. you were staring for an entirely different reason.
you simply couldn't find the right words right now. your attention was drawn to what was painting his skin; the sorrow tainting him, and as he became tainted by sorrow, you knew how he languidly lingered on dreams of death.
so there you were, clutching the blanket, staring at the bandages that were still adorning dazai's arms and neck while he was still wearing his pajamas, wondering if you should have said something after you had cleaned and bandaged him up because after that, you two just went to bed in silence, pretending nothing had happened at all.
"[name]?"
when you heard your boyfriend's voice, your eyes widened in surprise. dazai was no longer facing you with his back to you, but had turned around and looked you in the eyes.
"yes?" you asked in a murmur, blinking.
dazai responded, eyes widening, "you're crying."
your cheeks were damped as you reached for your face, and it was only then that you realized your field of vision was also blurry due to the tears welling up in your crystalline blue six eyes.
oh.
"it's nothing," you said calmly, not bothering to wipe your tears away as you closed your eyes, adding a quick lie as a cover up, "just a bad dream, that's all."
"you had been awake all night, belladonna. i highly doubt you were dreaming at all," dazai stated matter-of-factly, running his fingers through your hair, his eyes softening at the sight of you crying quietly.
damnit. of course, your boyfriend is aware. dazai never sleeps, especially not when his demons keep him awake.
you remained silent for a moment, but only until dazai spoke up again, a small frown on his features, "is it because of earlier? if that's the case, i'm sorry.."
you bit your tongue for a second before opening your eyes to gaze into his, a small smile twitching on your lips as you outstretched your hand toward his bandaged arm, "hey, i love you, you know that, right?"
"of course i do, belladonna," dazai chuckled softly, wrapping his free bandaged arm around your waist and pulling you closer to his embrace beneath the covers.
you shook your head, causing him to furrow his brows and let out a confused hum, "huh?"
"i don't just love you, osamu," you clutched his bandaged arm as you buried your face deeper into his warm yet cold embrace, "i love you no matter what; no matter what you have or may have beneath your bandages."
as he held you in his embrace, you felt dazai stiffen and unconsciously squeeze you. your eyes widened slightly as you felt something wet dampen your hair as he buried his face in it, but you kept going.
"you don't have to be honest with me all the time, but I just want you to know that I'll be here," you continued, smiling to yourself.
"tell me, [name]," dazai's voice was shaky and incredibly soft, almost like a whisper, but desperate and longing, "why do you stay?"
"because i want to, osamu. i want to be with you, always," you drew back just enough to face him, gently taking his hand and cupping your own face, "and i accept everything that makes you who you are—i love you."
"no matter what, [name]?" dazai asked softly, pressing his forehead against yours and closing his eyes, "do you really mean that?"
"it's a promise, osamu," you leaned your forehead against his, closing your eyes, but not before turning your head to kiss his wrist, pressing your lips against his bandages.
your face was squished by his larger hand as he pulled it away from your lips, and the next thing you knew, you and dazai were laughing ever so sortly, with him kissing your face as he held you tightly. that night, the stars shone brighter.
no longer human — nakahara chuuya
your beauty never ever scared me
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you and chuuya had something in common: you were both cursed in some way. you both had something that made you not quite human. so, knowing how you had your own demons, you weren't a stranger to the ones your boyfriend was dealing with.
it didn't take long in your relationship with him to discover that he was a vessel for a god named arahabaki, and that this fact caused him to question his humanity.
chuuya, in fact, never hid anything from you and was very open about it, especially when he discovered your six eyes and blood-relationship to sugawara michizane because you two shared a kind of inhumanity in a way. he did feel less lonely as a result of it.
even so, it was a constant struggle for chuuya, especially when he had to use corruption, the very manifestation of his ability and the god for whom he serves as a vessel, arahabaki. despite the fact that chuuya has no reason to be afraid of you getting hurt because your limitless ability always protects you, he can't help but be afraid of him hurting you and making you fear of him.
but most of all, the feeling of not being human; of not being qualified as a human, of being a disgrace, that washes over chuuya after corruption always gets him, and it's a horrible, horrible feeling.
you had just returned home to the penthouse you shared with chuuya when you decided to relocate to yokohama despite the fact that your work was in tokyo. it was a little late, considering it was already past three a.m. you stepped inside the dimly lit environment, exhausted as you removed your heeled boots.
you were on your way to the kitchen to grab a snack or two before washing up and joining chuuya under the covers in bed to finally get some sleep when you noticed him on the balcony.
you immediately changed your path and went towards him, where you saw him leaning against the glass railing, eyes seemingly vacant as he held a cigarette between his fingers and puffed out some smoke.
you were familiar with that expression, and if there was another thing you knew about chuuya, it was his penchant for smoking when he was upset. even if you weren't the type to drink or smoke, you didn't mind his vices. in fact, you were more concerned with chuuya himself personally.
"still awake?" you swallowed and cleared your throat. your voice was able to drag him back to reality.
chuuya turned to face you, his eyes widening in surprise as he noticed you standing right beside him, now leaning against the railing. you smiled at him, relieved to see him return to you in some way, and said softly, "hi, darling."
"couldn't sleep," chuuya sighed before putting out his cigarette. normally, he'd embrace you and smother you in kisses and affection, but he couldn't hold you or even touch you right now.
"chuuya?" you asked softly, gently removing your blindfold to reveal your six eyes to him.
"such nice things as a heart don't suit me..." said chuuya, staring at you with a lost, despondent gaze. your gaze was drawn to his trembling gloved hands.
you approached him, taking his hands in yours gently. to comfort him, you entwined your hands with his and rubbed circles on his knuckles. chuuya's breaths paused, but you continued your actions, this time removing his gloves, causing his eyes to widen slightly as they met yours.
"you once told me that these gloves give you a sense of restraint, a sense of attachment to the life you live—i could say the same thing," you chuckled softly, "i have to cover my six eyes to stay human."
while the gloves are for chuuya, wearing a blindfold or even sunglasses gives you a sense of restraint. when it came the two of you, it meant only one thing: you and chuuya were no longer enjoying the rush of a battle the moment you unveiled yourselves, and you two genuinely needed to defend yourselves. in other words, because you two are attached to your life.
"but to say such things as a heart don't suit you? i don't think so," you shook your head, gently pressing your lips against his knuckles.
"i'm not human, [name], and i never will be..." chuuya found himself unconsciously gripping your hands as he closed his eyes.
"i'm not human either, not with these six eyes and limitless, but we can always try, chuuya," you elicited a surprised look from him as he found himself relaxing as he heard your words.
"we can still be human together, even if we're both cursed with our blessings," you watched him lift his head, staring into your heaven-sent eyes that were giving him so much light and hope, "our blessings are not our fault."
chuuya's lips trembled as he shook his head, "but i'm not like you.. i can still hurt you. i can't be human even if i try, [name].."
"i'm not afraid of you or what you possess, and i never will be, chuuya," you exclaimed, releasing his hands and placing both of yours on each side of his face, gently cupping it, "and i will always love and accept you for who you are."
you leaned forward and pressed your lips against his, tasting the minty tobacco that was encapsulated by his lips and tongue. chuuya's arms snaked around you, tightening around you and deepening the kiss. as chuuya pressed his forehead against yours, the two of you drew back just enough to catch your breaths.
you closed your eyes, chuuya's lips grazing into a genuine smile as you softly giggled,
"your beauty never ever scared me, chuuya."
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[ author's notes — i don't usually write anything at the end of my works, but i just wanna say, thank you for reading until the very end of this post! i know i haven't been consistently updating, and i'm sorry for that. school's being a pain in the ass and i've been stressed out lately that i haven't been able to write anything. so much has been going on from finals works, incoming college entrance exams and research proposal defense and needing to review harder at the same time as resulted into me sleeping late only to wake up and attend class and tire myself again :P it sucks so much that i'm just gaslighting myself that i'm actually getting enough sleep and doing great. sigh. so, if you're still here, sticking around, still reading my works, thank you. just thank you <3 ]
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yellowmagicalgirl · 1 year
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Blood of Our Bond
No one from Pamella's old life working for the vampire mafia should have been able to find her. And yet, her ex still finds her.
Finally crossposting the fic I did for the Rare Femslash Exchange, and it’s a rare piece of original work from me.
AO3 (Archive-locked)
Pamella jumped a little when the bell to the bakery rang. No one came around this late at night. Sure, it wasn’t quite yet the closing time of eight, but most businesses in the small town of Thistlebrook closed by six in the evening. Even tourists from the city wouldn’t come in after seven, and no vampires passed through Thistlebrook. There were too many rivers around the area to be comfortable for them to cross, not when there were equally short roads between the cities that didn’t have to cross that many waterways. That was a major reason why Pamella had picked Thistlebrook, even though no one should have been able to find her.
Pamella placed a hand over her holstered wand before she turned around. Baking wasn’t the only skill she had picked up while running a front for the Squalis. Her wand was wooden and plain. She could have afforded something with inlaid quartz that would’ve added extra emphasis to her spells, but she had wanted something that could double as a stake.
“What can I getcha, hun?” came out of her mouth before she had a good look at the woman who had walked in. She was a little shorter and skinnier than Pamella, with long jet black bangs framing her face. She hadn’t had bangs the last time Pamella had seen her. Her beautiful brown eyes half-hidden by the hood of her long, red-lined blue cloak. Or rather, a blue-lined red cloak that was turned inside-out as a poor attempt to hide her allegiance to the Squalis.
“Hey there, Eirene,” said Courtney Bosco. She was an enforcer for the Squalis. One of the more influential human enforcers. Last Pamella had checked, Courtney was on the track to getting herself turned. Pamella herself had just laundered money at a bakery with some spells to back her up if there was an attack. Sure, Pamella had the home front advantage, but even with that she wasn’t sure if she could have ever beat Courtney in a fight, and that was assuming Courtney was still human. Courtney was responsible, responsible enough to still be wearing a mask over her mouth and nose that would also hide whether or not she now had fangs.
“Is there anything I can get for you, ma’am?” This time, she asked with more venom than honey. Pamella meant the words to hurt, and yet the hurt expression on Courtney’s face still stung.
“I’m not here to drag you back, Eirene, if that’s what you’re worried about. I just wanted to talk.”
“It’s Pamella now. How did you find me? I paid good money for a new identity.”
Courtney raised an eyebrow. “Did you pick that out, or did your benefactor? You’re going by a name one letter away from your middle name, Eirene Pamela, and by your grandmother’s maiden name. Not a good cover, if you ask me.”
Pamella had picked her name out. She had wanted to keep a connection to someone when she gave up her life. Courtney couldn’t be that connection; not when there was no way she’d give up her career. The few members of Pamella’s family she had still be talking to would have been put in danger. The grandmother who died before Pamella was born and the Aunt Pamela who had died shortly after had been the best choices.
“It’s not a cover. Pamella Brodbeck is who I am, now. Now again, how did you find me?”
“We were close, once,” Courtney said with an ache of – of what? Regret? Betrayal? Longing?
“You went to a blood witch, didn’t you? Which one? Titus?” There were several blood witches in the employ of the Squalis, and Titus and Courtney were friends. Eirene and Titus had been friends by extension, and that meant that Pamella thought she knew Titus’s weaknesses. It was how Pamella had known to word her bargain with the fae. She had given up every single untrue love Eirene had ever had, and in exchange the Squalis would never find Pamella.
Pamella hadn’t given up her true love, because she was still holding onto hope that one day she would find her family again. At least, the ones she wanted to find. Maybe they would have forgiven her by then.
And they would be able to find her again.
Which meant that Titus or another blood witch could find Pamella through her family.
Dammit.
“Which member of my family do you have?”
“None. I knew you weren’t speaking to half of them back when we – before you left me. It sucked, you know? No one else remembered you.”
What?
“I get it, though. You wanted out of the Squalis. You could have talked to me. I would’ve left with you. Left for you, not because I’m taking the fall for one of the capo’s overindulgences. And no. It wasn’t Titus. Remember Lisbeth?”
“The werewolf we had both dated and found out we were both her exes after we started dating each other? Yeah.”
“She doesn’t remember you. She was still able to track you – your scent still clung to the cashmere sweater you left at my place.”
“I had wondered where I’d left that sweater when I was packing,” Pamella mumbled before shaking her head. Courtney remembered her. Despite everything, Courtney remembered her. Pamella’s hand left the holster. “You said you wanted to leave the Squalis? I suppose I can help you with that. Let me just close up shop, first.”
A/N: According to Google Translate, squali is the Italian word for shark. I thought I was being funny by combining that with Courtney's jet black hair.
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liaswritesrobots · 1 year
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Ahh screw it I just wanna geek out some of my reasons for thinking the entire DJD is autistic. 1. This may sound really weird but I would not be surprised if helex hates brushing his teeth for sensory reasons, this is a struggle I have and I wouldn't be surprised if he had it too. 2 you could say their just one big special interest group, the way they act about twords peace and Megatron just feels like a special interest gone too far. 3 kaon's entire personality give me the feeling that if he's not autistic he's at least neurodivergent. Also his relationship with the pet reminds me of how some of us will have a comfort item, or person that it feel like we can't live without. Mine was a plush mimsy from the last mimsy for example (it was taken from me as a kid sadly). 4 very strong emotions are very common I had strong anger reactions early in my life, thus why I feared becoming like Megatron in the past. And like majority of them have strong anger issues 5 nickel's way of showing her love and compassion twords them. I will not say much more. 6 tarn, ohhhh boy tarn. Let's see: strong emotions, obsessive tendencies, his feeling of betrayal and his reaction. The Emperian suite gives sensory seeking vibes, additionally as someone who's also been emotionally abused as a kid in addition to being autistic: his inherent need to hide his true emotions from others no matter how much he trusts them (when you're autistic and this happens you overly generalize that everyone will belittle how you feel especially if it happens more than once with multiple people) His love for theatrics also feeds into this because art is the only way left to express those repressed emotions. You'll even be seeking comfort where ever you'll get it. Honestly I could make an entire post on why I feel tarn is autistic.
Anon this is amazing analysis! And I feel you on that Kaon part I definitely read him as neurodivergent too! But oh my god the Tarn stuff is so good! I can definitely see them all as being autistic. I imagine the glasses for Tesarus are also for sensory issues (maybe he's very sensitive to light) and I know Tarn canonically wears the mask to keep himself from picking at his face. Also with the Pet I can definitely see him being Kaon's comfort "object".
Tarn is definitely being put in the chart now.
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annakarinahumphreys · 6 months
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Making of the Last of Us (TV Adaptation)
youtube
Whilst I have never played the video game, I have watched many play throughs and loved the story of the last of us for many years. When the show was coming out I was very excited to see the story on a grander scale, with even more of the story demonstrated. Seeing how they were creating the games environments, stories and characters in a new medium was very interesting.
In researching for my TV pitch brief I wanted to look at how things I find relevant are made, in how they were made for television and how design choices were made. Many things I wanted to look at are also critical successes so can also be used to inform my choices in my projects. From my earlier research looking at media with found family elements will also be helpful, allowing me to look more at how characters and their relationships are developed.
This video talking about the making of the last of us television series came out recently. I noticed many things from this video that can be used to inform how I can improve my projects in future. One thing that was made clear by this video is that projects flourish when everyone is passionate about what they're making. For this show, each stage of production is filled with people who have a great love of what they are making and deep knowledge of every element of the story that is important to the show.
The source material for this show was already vast and cinematic so adapting it to television was a very interesting endeavour. Many things were brought over to television on an almost one to one with the game. Despite the cinematic strength of the game, there were decisions made in the preproduction of the TV series that deviated from the elements within the game.
One major change that was decided was the way the virus was transmitted. In the video game, the virus was spread by spores but in the TV series they changed it to a more physical form of transmission. This decision was made for many different story reasons, the initial reason for the change was that in the game, due to the spore transmission, characters are wearing masks for large portions of the game. Removing the need for masks allows for the characters to express themselves more effectively.
From the seed of wanting to allow the characters to express themselves more effectively a whole new system of transmission had to be created and to do this the creative staff looked back at the root of the zombie infection. In looking back at fungus they found mycelium, a stringy growth of fungus, which helped inspire the new form of transmission. These stringy growths are also great as a new story element, making a clear visual connection between the zombies and the world but also makes the zombies bite that much more visceral and impactful.
As an animation student I wanted to look at the design work of the last of us and how the physical elements of the show told the story. In this documentary lots of the design work had already been completed as the game was already there as a reference. Despite this there was some talk of design work in the documentary, following on from the existing work of the games. I think it is reminded through the creation such a vast and enthralling world the importance of research. To create such interesting zombies designs and such an interesting post apocalypse they looked into similar things in the real world and used these real things to build and grow the designs and stories.
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killemwithkawaii · 3 years
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Ehehe, I live to see shy Senpai... >w> I also live to see spicy yan Senpai! ...Basically, I just live for YOU 💞💗 -Lav
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(Pictured: the duality of man)
sljglsjag that’s so yan of you to say Lav-chan (and I love it uwu) 👉👈💕💕💕
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soyouthinkucanwrite · 3 years
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What did he say? - Daniel Ricciardo one shot
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Update: I just realized it's Carlos' birthday TODAY! I'm so so sorry hahaha I feel like a jerk, but it's just play pretend ok?
Guys, this is based on a dream I had but listen, it’s so weird cause I KNOW this is not like Carlos AT ALL. He’s kind of the vilan in this one... Please don’t be mad if you’re a Carlos fan, it’s just for fun, I swear. I’ll even try to write something with him later to make it up to you guys! Also, I clearly don't know how vacuum works in racing, so again, just humor me and pretend I got it right, ok?
As always, please take the time to let me know what you think, means a lot to me (even if it’s constructive criticism)! And thank you so much to everyone that always does! 💕 Your lovely messages always motivate me to keep writing!
Warnings: angst, jealous Daniel, kind of a dick Carlos (again, sorry! I know he’d never)
.
I was in the “side stage” at the press room for the Austin GP, the first I ever went and of course, the first with Daniel, as his girlfriend. He was answering questions along with Pierre Gasly on stage. There were a few people besides me, including some of the drivers, waiting for their turn to face the press.
"Coco, ¿quién es?" I heard Carlos Sainz whispering to his cousin, nodding his head in my direction.
"No conozco. ¿Creo que es periodista?" his cousin answered looking at me. I just acted like I wasn't listening, or understanding, not sure why though.
"No, si fuera periodista estaría allá fuera, haciendo preguntas" Carlos continued.
"Sí, pero no me parece estar perdida" his cousin commented, they kept whispering but I could hear them very clearly.
"Qué pena, no me importaría darte direcciones" Carlos said with a smirk and I felt really uncomfortable at that, which only made me stay even more frozen in place and wish Daniel came back sooner.
"Si no te conociera, diría que acabas de romper una relación. Ni siquiera puedes ver a una chica alrededor" his cousin said hitting him playfully in the head.
"¿Y te parece esta una chica cualquier? Siempre debes andar con supermodelos, ¿no?" Carlos joked back.
"Vale, tienes razón" his cousin answered him and I was counting the seconds for Daniel to come back now.
"Pero sin duda es nueva aquí. Me recordaría de algo como eso. Tampoco pienso ser americana, ellas no tienen esta-" Just then someone called him.
"Sainz, you're up next" Daniel walked out, coming by my side. "Hey" he said to me and I smiled. "They just asked to wait 5 minutes, something about changing the batteries of the mics" he said looking back at Carlos, his cousin, and Kimi, who was going to be pairing with Carlos in the press conference and was just hanging in the corner by himself this whole time.
"Alright, thanks mate" Carlos answered.
"Hey, have you guys met (y/n)? Carlos, Carlos, (y/n)... (y/n), Carlos, Carlos" Daniel made the introductions grinning like a teenager, probably finding it super funny that they had the same first name.
"¡Hola! Mucho gusto en conocerlos, soy (y/n). ¿Como están?" I extended my hand to greet them, feeling much more confident now that I had a 5' 9" Australian by my side. They looked startled at me and then at each other.
“¿Hablas español?” Carlos asked me.
“Sí, y compreendo muy bien también” I told him and my tone made it clear I knew exactly what they were talking about earlier and didn’t like it a bit.
"Carlos, Kimi, they're ready for you" an assistant called.
"Good one kid" Kimi said to me when he walked past us, winking at Daniel. Carlos followed him to the stage and since I didn't want to just stand there in the remains of the awkward situation with Dan and Carlos’ cousin, I just walked in the opposite direction, outside the press room. Not too long after, Daniel walked after me.
"Hey, what was that about?" he asked, still smiling. Boy, he wouldn't be smiling for too long after I told him what that was about.
"What?" I asked, trying not to make a big deal. He reached for my hand, taking it in his.
"You know what. Come on, what happened back there? Did you guys know each other?"
"No!" I have to tell him now, or he'll think I have something to hide. I took a deep breath. "They were talking between themselves before you come out, in Spanish. And I don't think they thought I could understand" he looked at me confused but then it hit him and his expression changed from confusion to rage.
"What did they said?"
"Nothing, it's not a big deal ok? I just wanted to let them know I could understand, so I just said 'hello' in Spanish, that's all" I said, walking away from the place where we were standing and pulling his hand. God knows I didn't want to be there when Carlos walked out, or better, for Daniel to be there.
"I figured that much. But what did he said? Just tell me" Daniel looked at me.
"Let's just go? Please? It's not worth it. What are you going to do? Sucker punch him?"
"Do I need to sucker punch him? Is it that bad?"
"No! Dan, please, let's just go. This is not going to lead us anywhere"
"(y/n)"
"I'll tell you. Promise. Back at the trailer, okay?" I tried to negotiate.
"Fine"
When we stepped back inside his driver's room, Daniel closed the door and looked at me.
"Alright. Spill it"
"Promise me you won't do anything to him"
"Absolutely not. The longer you stall me, the more pissed off I get"
"Okay” I knew I had no choice and honestly, why should I protect him really? I’m just worried about how this might make Daniel feel. “They were wondering who I was, his cousin was teasing him saying he was only interested because he just ended a relationship"
"That's not all" he said and I didn't answer, just looked away, shaking my head. "Alright. I'm sorry you had to hear that. But you can tell me these things ok? I want to protect you baby" He said stepping closer to me and hugging me.
"I don't want you to cause trouble for something stupid"
"Hey!" he said pulling away a bit to look at me. "This is not stupid. Nothing about you is stupid. It's a big deal baby, that’s plain disrespectful. I want you here with me, always. And I want you to feel comfortable here, okay?"
"I feel comfortable now" I said hugging him closer. He smiled and kissed the top of my head.
"Fuckers" he whispered to himself.
"Promise me you won't confront him. He'll deny, or start a fight. Or both. And besides, it’s not so much what he said, it’s more like how they were eyeing me. And I don't want you to get involved in a scandal" I said pulling away and sitting down in a chair. Daniel leaned against the table, looking at me.
"A scandal?" he laughed.
"You do know gossip is the major product of motorsports, right?" I smirked at him.
"Fair enough" he agreed. "Fuck baby, the things I have to deal with for having a goddess as a girlfriend" he was joking now, so the mood seemed lighter, but knowing Daniel, I knew he hadn't completely let that go yet. I just rolled my eyes at him. Hopefully, the events of the weekend would be enough to get his mind out of it.
.
.
Friday and Saturday kept us busy enough so that we didn’t touch the subject anymore, but I could still catch Daniel staring at Carlos here and there. And I could definitely see Carlos staring at me too, which I tried to avoid at all costs, staying out of his visual field. If Daniel saw that, I don’t know if I’d be able to hold him back again.
On Sunday I’d be watching from the garage with Michael and Blake, which was super exciting, to see all the action from the front row. But I didn’t want to disturb Daniel’s routine, so I tried to stay back a little. Yet, he kept coming to steal kisses and joke around. He seemed really relaxed and confident. He was P5 and I took the care to see that Carlos was P8, so I knew they might race each other eventually but I also knew that Dan would be much more preoccupied doing what he does best and overtaking the 4 in front of him to even think about whoever was behind. Everything was going to be fine, no harm done.
“Alright. Time to go” he announced to me. “Kiss for good luck?”
“Good luck. Just go and do what you do best, okay? And try to come back in one piece” I smiled through the kiss and then watched him take his helmet from the table, wink at me, and turn to walk towards his Mclaren. My chest was tight but I could only pray and hope now.
The cars were already outside the garage for some reason, so Dan was walking out when Carlos passed in front of the orange crew. He stopped to greet some of them and that would be fine, except he was not paying any attention to the people he was talking to. He was looking inside the garage like he was looking for something, or rather someone, cause when he saw me he nodded like he was greeting me and checked me out, head to toes. Dan saw it and looked back inside just in time to see me step aside, behind Michael, clearly uncomfortable with the whole thing.
“Hey... man” Carlos greeted Daniel. And his tone made me sure that it wasn’t even about me anymore. Carlos knew how much it must be bothering Daniel and was clearly using it to try and get him pissed off and unfocused. The thing is, very few things were capable of getting Daniel out of his “all good all ways” vibe, but when they did, you definitely don’t want to be on his way. I’m actually a bit worried about the other drivers now, Carlos included, because Dan just turned back to his machine, like he knew exactly what he was going to do and nothing would stop him, getting inside the car a mere formality. He didn’t even bother to take a second look at Carlos.
“Oh boy” I commented.
“Yeah, I saw it” Michael said to me. “What was that about anyway? I thought they got along fine”. I don’t say anything else, and from that moment on my eyes are glued to the screen in front of us, following any micro movement Daniel makes.
They go for the warm-up lap, which feels like it takes forever, and then, finally, Grid formation. That sign must be broken cause the lights also took hours to change.
3, 2, 1... there they go. Thank god we’re wearing masks, otherwise, my nails and fingertips would be long gone.
The first turn is a sharp one and Daniel had an opening to overtake Perez, the first driver in front of him, we could see it clearly from the drone view, but he didn’t take it. What is he doing?
“What is he doing?” Somebody in the garage voiced my thoughts.
“You had an opening Daniel” the engineer said on the radio.
“All under control. I know what I’m doing. How far are the others behind me?” Daniel answered.
I hoped he wasn’t doing what I thought he was doing but I already knew he was. Being the risk-it-all-idiot he was, Dan was waiting for Carlos to catch up to him. Knowing him, I knew he wanted to race and beat him personally, which was crazy stupid, but wouldn’t take long since Carlos had already overtaken Gasly and Alonso, and was now only a few nanoseconds behind Daniel.
“Come on Dan” I said to myself.
“Come on Daniel” Blake practically yelled at the screen.
I feel like throwing up. He’s gonna get hurt and jeopardize all the work the team put into the weekend just to... to what? I don’t even know. If he gets out of this race alive, I’ll personally kill him.
The race’s still going, no major changes after the first turn. Then suddenly Daniel seems to remember he had a gas pedal, finally getting speed in the big straight and leaving Perez behind. Carlos followed him, seeming to use the vacuum in his favor. Everybody in the garage celebrates, but I’m too focused to cheer along. He’s so close to the podium now. Just keep it up, baby. Carlos is still on his tail.
“Good job mate” the engineer says on the radio. “Watch for Sainz on your right. Bottas’ next”
“Keep me posted on Sainz’s time” it’s all Daniel says.
A couple more laps go and he’s really trying to overtake Bottas, not playing games anymore. Carlos doesn’t seem to try to overtake him even once though, he’s too far behind still.
More laps go by and I can’t standstill. When they’re in the 19th lap, with Max and Hamilton battling each other and taking turns in the lead, Daniel’s voice comes on the radio.
“Let’s be the first to box” I’m not sure what he’s playing at, as it’s still too soon to box, but the team seems to agree.
“Copy that. I’ll let you know when. Let’s get a couple more laps in. Keep this up for now” his engineer answers.
“Understood” Daniel’s voice come through the radio. “How’s Sainz time?”
“At least 1.5 seconds behind you” the engineer informs him.
“Understood” Daniel says.
He’s planning something. Not sure what, and I don’t know if I even could, not knowing much about racing strategies, but it definitely has something to do with Carlos and what happened earlier.
“Ouch!” I hear Michael say and nod towards the screen, making me focus on the race again, and not only on Daniel. Max and Hamilton had touched tires. “They're really going at it, definitely using way more tires than necessary"
"If Dan box before them..." I begin to ask.
"He needs a fast box, gaining speed later and for their box to be slower, but yeah, that's his best shot at them" Michael explains to me.
"Come on baby" I whisper to myself.
Daniel seems to finally get close enough to Bottas, but the Finnish guy won't make it easy for him. Turn 11 on sector 2 will be his best shot now and it's getting closer.
The garage and the radio go silent. Feels like the whole world is holding their breaths while Daniel smoothly overtakes Bottas from his left. And then I almost go deaf with all the cheering around me, it's a podium for Daniel, for now.
Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to last too long, cause once he comes to the box all the other drivers will pass him. It's just so frustrating.
"Good job mate. Spectacular time. Box now" the engineer informs on the radio.
"Box confirmed. We need to ace this, boys" Daniels says.
Not even a full minute later, I hear his car and see it on the screen. I look outside to see the orange machine with the big 3 in front of it, but I don't even have time to try and take a look at him, cause 2.3 seconds later (or at least that's what the TV tells me) there he goes again. The good news is, only Bottas passed him. The bad news is he almost crashes into Carlos when he comes out of the Pit Lane.
Some of the crew were still celebrating the fast pit stop when they realized what happened. I let out a gasp. They touched tires but Carlos seemed to have managed to get away from Daniel, quickly returning to his side a moment later but struggling to keep it up. Dan, on the other side, seems unbothered. He keeps gaining speed, even though the pit exit is right on the first turn.
"Take it easy now mate, even if Sainz passes you, his time is not enough to stay in front" the engineer informs Daniel, clearly worried that the risk doesn't justify the ends.
"Understood" Daniel responds.
We're on lap 30 now and just as the engineer said, Carlos is a full 2 seconds behind Daniel. Bottas still in front of him (which is frustrating for me because he had just overtaken him before the pit stop), then Hamilton, and finally Max.
"Daniel" the engineer calls him. "How're the tires?"
"All good"
"Good. Ready to race, mate? Hamilton's going to box now"
"Before Bottas?"
"Yes, that's confirmed"
"Understood"
I listen to the conversation between Daniel and the engineer closely, but I can't say I know exactly what the implications are.
"Bottas' going to second, Daniel to third again. Let's hope for a slow pitstop for Hamilton, so when he comes out, he comes in third and races Daniel. That's the best-case scenario, so he needs to gain speed now" Blake explains to me.
"Got it" I confirm to him. "What about Bottas? He should box on the next lap right?"
"Yeah. If Daniel overtakes him still on this lap, the difference will be too big for him to recover after his pit stop. Hopefully" He tells me.
There's a lot of 'hopefullys' and 'best-case scenarios' in this conversation, but I'll take it. I start to silently pray right away, eyes glued to the screen to see exactly what Blake predicted unfold: Hamilton pit stops, Bottas and Daniel are the firsts to go up on the positions, then Carlos, Alonso, and Gasly. The first turn comes again and Dan seises the opportunity to overtake Bottas, who, to his credit, is fighting real hard, but Dan isn't letting him take back his position.
Dan is P2 now. Max is almost 3 seconds in front of him. Hamilton comes out of the pit lane behind Gasly, it should take him long to again his positions.
"Bottas to box on this lap mate" the engineer announces.
"Not worried about Bottas. What about Max?" Daniel answers. A few moments of silence follow.
"Box confirmed for Max on this lap as well. Just get closer to him" the engineer instructs.
"Understood" Daniel answers.
"Come on, baby" I cheer silently again.
"Fuck! He's gonna make it" Michael yells. "Come on Daniel!"
Bottas is 2 seconds behind Daniel, and on the big straight Daniel manages to shorten his time difference to Max to 1.8 seconds. The next thing I know, Max is coming down the pit lane, quickly followed by Bottas. Daniel is P1. I can't believe this. Carlos is P2, but he hasn't boxed yet. Surprisingly enough, Alonso is P3 and, not so surprisingly, Hamilton is already P4 and gaining speed.
"Alonso hasn't boxed yet" Blake comments. That's bad news if we were hoping for him to defend his position against Hamilton. I take a look on the TV and they're showing the conditions of his tires, which to me doesn't mean anything.
"Will he be able to hold him?" I ask Blake.
"Not sure, he's tough though and doesn't want Hamilton to win, that's for sure" Blake answers me.
Then we hear Max passing outside, had almost forgotten about him.
"That took him longer than normal" Michael comments and we look at the screen, his pit stop was 3.6 seconds long. An eternity for the Redbull team. But awesome news for us. Bottas had already left the pit lane, his pit stop was 2.4 seconds long.
The grid is now Daniel, Carlos, Alonso, Hamilton, Bottas, and then Max. Alonso is still holding Hamilton back. Normally, I'd guess Carlos would box soon and maybe even Alonso, but since I know Carlos has some personal motivation against Daniel, I feel like he's going to hold on the longer he can and the same goes for Alonso regarding Hamilton.
We're at the final 10 laps now and nothing has changed, except Carlos is dangerously closer to Daniel now. Alonso still hasn't let Hamilton go by him, repeating the Hungaroring events. I hear the signal of the radio, indicating we're about to hear some communication between Daniel and his engineer, and my chest tightens. It's Daniel's voice that comes on then.
"Something wrong. I'm losing power" Fuck. No.
"Sainz is at your tail. Can you hold on?" the engineer asks.
"I don't know. Fuck. It's just not working. How much's the difference?"
"Less than 1 second"
"Fuck. Why hasn't he boxed yet?"
"His tires are in real bad condition. But I don't think he's going to do it now"
"I'll put some pressure on him"
"Negative. Negative. Stay away"
"Not going to touch him. Pinky promise" Bastard. I can hear the smirk in his voice, even though this is extremely dangerous and insane pressure, Daniel's still having the time of his life.
9 laps to go.
8 laps to go.
Carlos almost overtakes Daniel.
"Engine's not good. Can you do something?" Daniel asks.
"Negative. 7 laps to go mate, just hold it"
"Understood"
On the big straight of the 51st lap, Carlos overtakes Daniel, but then on the next turn, Daniel takes back his position. The sequel of turns that follows is the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever seen in my life, they're so close to each other, and at such a high speed that if they simply touch tires they would fly off the track and everything would be lost to both of them, maybe even their lives.
"Hamilton passed Alonso, mate. Watch out" the engineer informs him, and I look at the screen. Fuck.
"Fuuuuck" Daniel says on the radio.
It's the 52nd lap now, only 4 more to go and Carlos doesn't even signal a pit stop. He's going to try to make the whole race without it.
"Ferrari is not happy with him" Michael laughs a dark laugh. I knew he had a history of being stubborn but this is too much.
"His tires are at less than 10% integrity. How is he still going?" I ask.
There's the big straight again and Carlos falls a bit behind Daniel, but I've watched enough to know that that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing. Just as I predicted, he tries to use Daniel's vacuum to gain more speed and overtake him, Daniel doesn't let him through and get in front of him, making him almost go off track. That would be a "normal" movement, except Hamilton was using Carlos' vacuum in his favor and, when Carlos is forced to change directions, Hamilton hits his back left tire, which makes it blows off and it's a mess from then on.
Daniel is far from the whole ordeal by now, safe and sound, thankfully. But Carlos spins in the track, taking Hamilton with him. They both go off track and Max flies by, followed by Bottas, Charles (where did he come from?), and then Alonso.
"Are they alright?" It's the first thing that comes up to me to ask.
"Fuck! That was crazy. Is everyone ok?" Daniel asks on the radio.
"Positive. Everyone's ok. Keep going, mate. 3 more laps to go" the engineer informs him.
"Who's behind me now? Bottas?" Daniel asks.
"Max. But he's at least 2 seconds behind, we should be fine" I hear the engineer say and it's like I can almost breathe again. Daniel's going to win this thing. He's so close now.
"It wasn't Daniel's fault, was it? Can they punish him in some way for the accident?" I ask Michael.
"Don't know. He was defending his position, but he's been closing in Carlos ever since the begging of the race. Depends on how Ferrari and Mercedes spin this, they'll try anything that favors them" Michael explains to me in a worried tone.
They're in the final lap and Daniel's been clearly losing speed. Something's wrong with the engine. But it's the final lap, just a few more moments, come on baby, you can do it. Max is so close to him though, I wouldn't be surprised if the winner was declared based on the replay of the finishing line. The big straight comes up and Dan has to stay out of Max's front, so as to not give him any advantages.
I can barely see it, but at the same time, I can't take my eyes off the screen.
"Full force now mate, final sector. You can win this" the engineer says on the radio but Daniel doesn't respond. Max is right by his side, he's going to pass him.
There's smoke coming out of his car, the whole thing is going to blow off any second now. Oh my god, please just a few more seconds.
5 turns to go.
4 turns to go.
3 turns to go. Max overtakes him. Shit.
2 turns to go. Daniel wins his place on the podium back.
Final turn. Daniel's in the front, barely. They cross the finish line and the whole garage explores with cheering. There are people running outside to wave at him. I can only smile and hold my own head like it would fall off otherwise. He did it. He fucking did it.
"Woo-hoo! Yes! Yes! Fuck yes!" I can hear Daniel on the radio, screaming his lungs out.
"Good job mate. Spectacular work. First-class, really! Well done!" the engineer cheers on.
The next thing I know, Michael is hugging me and lifting me from the ground just to puck me back down and Blake lift me up again. I can only laugh at their excitement. I'm so happy for Daniel I can barely grasp it!
"Let's go!" Blake puts me down and runs outside the garage. I follow him out, to the place where Daniel is stopping the car, a bunch of smoke coming out and some people with fire extinguishers around it.
He's got his fists up, celebrating. But is still inside the car. Then he takes off the steering wheel and handles it to one of the mechanics waiting outside. He gets out of the car and stands on top of it, smokes still coming out from behind. It's a nice picture. I just hoped he got away from that thing before it explodes, but it's a nice picture, can't deny it.
Then he jumps down and run towards the crew, jumping over them, helmet still on. Everybody is celebrating and cheering, I can only laugh and clap at the scene before me. So much joy and happiness going on, the energy is amazing! Then I can see Daniel looking around, but since his helmet is still on, I have no idea what he's doing. Somebody seems to understand though and they wave at me, calling me to come closer. I approach, but I'm still unsure, don't want to get in the middle of the team's celebration. But Daniel grabs me, pulling me closer and hugging me. I just laugh, can't barely see him with the suit and helmet still on. He's saying something, but I can't understand a thing.
"What?" I laugh at his attempts to communicating with me. He opens his helmet visor and repeats.
"I fucking won baby!" He yells laughing.
"I know! I know! You won Dan! I'm so proud! You're the best baby!"
"I need to get this thing off" he says struggling to get the helmet and the balaclava off, when he finally manages to do it, he jumps over the fence that was separating us and hugs me again, lifting me in the air and kissing me deeply, making everyone around us cheer even louder and I smile against his lips. I wrap my legs around him and he keeps kissing me, only after a few seconds do I pull away to breathe and he touches our foreheads. I laugh again, just enjoying the feeling of pure happiness for him.
"I'm so proud of you. You were so good. This is crazy" I whisper to him.
"Get used to it, cause there's more where it came from" he answers kissing me again.
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honeybunnybeez · 3 years
Note
If you want to you could write some C! Dream being soft around reader?
Secluded Cabin's and Gentle Touches
♡Pairing: Dream x GN!Reader (with hints of platonic!GN!reader x Tommy and Tubbo)
♡Genre: Fluff
♡Format: Fanfiction
♡Summary: It's not uncommon for Tommy and Tubbo to bring people over to your place so you can help calm them down after a prank, but today they seemed to drag by a familiar face that you have yet to properly spend time with. Lucky for you, he seems to be longing to talk to you as well.
♡Au Setting: Au where the war never happens but tensions are still high.
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"Get back here!"
Despite the voice ordering them to stop, Tommy and Tubbo continued to run like their lives depended on it, and to be fair, it kinda did in this situation. Wet hands stained in different coloured dyes served as proof of their crimes and a green hooded man wearing an awfully smudged looking mask makes it clear who their latest prank victim was.
"What were we fucking thinking!?" but a laugh at the end of his yelling as he dodges Dream's outstretched hand makes it clear that Tommy doesn't regret his life choices at all.
"I don't know!" Tubbo on the otherhand, was starting to regret his involvement in the prank. His legs were starting to ache and his chest began to burn as he slowly became exhausted. A wild chase like this isn't exactly new to them but Dream's persistence really makes it hard for a person to catch a breather between runs. "Tommy, where are we even going!?"
Tommy opened his mouth to respond but a trail of scattered lanterns and torches answers Tubbo's question for him. Tubbo lets out a knowing, "ooooh!" And uses whatever remaining energy he can to keep up with Tommy, knowing exactly what his friend had in mind.
In the distance, they can see you sitting on your porch, playing with a parrot you had managed to tame while out searching for cocoa beans. Relief washes over them when you lock eyes with them and start jogging over with your bird in tow, a worried expression evident on your face.
They're quick to hide behind you when they get close enough, clutching the back of your shirt while trying to catch their breaths to answer your questions as to who they were running from this time and why.
"Dream-" is all Tommy can manage to wheeze out before he's coughing up a lung and swearing again.
"Ah," honestly, after knowing the pair for a good few years now, just mentioning a name gives you a pretty good idea of the type of prank they pulled and the danger they could be in. Thankfully, Dream wasn't a major threat, to you at least.
"Alright, alright, go hide in the house quickly and don't come out until I tell you guys to. If I die, make sure to take care of the farm animals and bees for me."
"Bless you, (y/n)."
"Your sacrifices won't be in vain, we promise!"
You give them a joking salute and urge them to go inside quickly, informing them that you can hear Dream approaching closer. Once the boys were safely inside, you tried your best to look as natural as possible with the limited time you had to adjust yourself. When Dream arrives, you can see that he's just as tired as the boys are thanks to the chase, though his stance continues to be tense as he frantically looks around for them, fists clenched tight until his knuckles turned ghost white.
"Fuck, where did they run off to?"
"Not gonna give a stranger a kind hello after walking onto their lawn with murderous intent?" You and Dream weren't really strangers per say, you had to meet up with him when you moved into the server after all, but due to conflicting schedules and how often Tommy and Tubbo dragged you away whenever he tried to make conversation, you two didn't know each other all that well. That doesn't mean that you didn't want to try though.
When Dream realizes where he was and who he was talking, he's quick to adjust his mask and hoodie to make himself look somewhat... presentable, as presentable as he can look with sweat marks and a messed up mask at least.
'Why did those two have to run up to your house out of all places,' Dream mentally whines to himself, clearing his throat and giving you a single awkward wave as he walks up to you.
"Hey, (y/n). I didn't know you lived in this part of the server," that was a lie. Dream did know where you live, he knew where everyone did but it would be a little creepy to just put that information out there, wouldn't it?
"It'd be a little weird if I just started screaming out my address to random people on the streets, wouldn't it?" You try to joke, earning a little laugh from Dream.
"Okay, yeah, you got me there."
You pat an empty spot beside you on your porch step, inviting Dream over for a bit of rest and he accepts your offer gratefully, practically slumping beside you as he suddenly feels just how tired he is.
"Love the new look you gave your mask by the way," Dream groans at your teasing and pulls at his hoodie strings, hoping to cover his whole mask with his hood. He's glad you can't see his face right now because he can feel his cheeks practically burning at the fact that when he finally gets a chance to talk and get close to you it's when he's a sweating tired mess who looks like a wreck at best.
"I'm going to kill those two when I find them," he mumbles under his breath.
The slam that follows within your home could not have been more terribly timed.
"What was that?"
"Must be my wolves," you lied through your teeth, knowing damn well that your actual wolves were sleeping in your bedroom, "they learned how to open doors recently, I think they're messing around at the moment."
While he's distracted, staring at your window to check what's going on inside of your home, you're quick to read through your most recent private messages on your communicator.
Tommy: HE'S HERE!
Tommy: (Y/N), WHY AREN'T YOU TELLING HIM TO FUCK OFF!?
Tommy: Fuck this, we're hiding in the kitchen.
Tubbo: We're making a run for it through the back.
Tommy: We'll hide in your barn like runaway children.
Tubbo: Isn't that what we technically are right now?
Tommy: (y/n), we're making a fucking run for it if you don't answer us in 3 seconds.
Tommy: 3!
Tommy: 2!
Tubbo: We'RE OUT! I REPEAT, WE'RE OUT!
"Yup," you pop your P a little at the end, annoyed yet amused at the string of frantic messages still continuing to pop up on your communicator as they make their escape, "definitely my wolves causing all of that chaos."
Dream knows that you're lying from the way you read through your messages but he doesn't say a word about it, choosing instead to take this golden opportunity to get closer to you without worrying about anyone getting in the way.
"Not really how you thought the day would go, huh?"
You can't help but laugh and shake your head, "Not at all, I thought it was just going to be another boring day with my bird, but hey, I'm glad you showed up to make it a little more special."
"Really?" Dream hates how happy he sounds to hear you say that, but he'll beat himself up over it another time.
"It's not everyday you see Mr. WasTaken himself visiting your humble home, now is it?" Oh, or maybe he won't.
"I guess not, that really should change, shouldn't it?" You can hear the little grin in his voice as he realizes the game your playing.
"It really should, but a quick heads up would be good, unless you'd like to deal with said 'wolves' I mentioned earlier."
He chuckles and shakes his head, mentioning how he's more than aware that those two 'wolves' of yours would probably rip him apart if he ever visited you unannounced.
It isn't long before you invite Dream inside, offering to help clean his mask as an apology on the boys's behalf. He claims that he doesn't mind but he would rather not take his mask off in front of you when he hasn't gotten to know you all that well.
"You don't have to remove it if you feel uncomfortable, I'll just wipe away whatever I can with a cloth, but if you're still hesitant, I'd understand."
He takes a moment to consider your offer, trying to see if you have any other ulterior motives. It's not that he doesn't want to trust you, he does, but sometimes you just have to be a little extra cautious even with people you like. Sensing no ill intent on your part though, he relaxes himself once more and accepts your help, letting his hood finally loosen and fall back to ease your process.
Your actions are incredibly comforting to Dream who can't help himself from leaning into your touches every once in a while. He watches you with his fullest attention as you wipe away the mess on his mask with a damp cloth. He loves how focused you look while doing so, taking in every little quirk you may have while you concentrate. His little crush on you that he's harboured ever since he saw you running around the server can't help but grow every second you give him your attention.
There's a certain draw to you that Dream can't fight off no matter how hard he tries, you just manage to hold a certain power over him and that was evident by the fact that he completely lost interest in continuing his hunt for Tommy and Tubbo even after finding out that they were still most likely on your property. Dream was a persistent man, he was never one to simply drop something with no proper reason at all. There was just this appeal to you that he couldn't describe and he was desperate to find out what it was about you that made him act differently than he normally would.
"Okay then, that's the last of it," he has to stop himself from letting out a whine when you pull your hands away from his mask, he wants to say something to try to get you to continue on longer but decides against it, not wanting to seem desperate. His eyes don't leave you even after you pull away, watching you rinse off the dirty cloth before throwing it into what seemed to be a bin filled with laundry. When you return to sit by his side, he can't help but swallow a bit of his pride to rest his head on your shoulder. It's a big risk to take, but at least he has an excuse for his actions if he ever needs it.
"Tired, Dream?"
"Mhmm," he feels himself melt when you let your fingers run through his slightly sweat damp hair, clearly unphased by the state of it much, to his joy.
"You wanna rest here for a while? I'm sure you could get a good nap in before leaving."
"That depends, can I still use you as my pillow?"
"Not like I have anything else to do for the rest of the day, knock yourself out."
"Then if you'll excuse me," his head is quick to leave your shoulder to instead rest in your lap and the blissful sigh he lets out escapes his lips before he can even stop himself. You just feel so comfortable to him. "I'm gonna drift off, wake me up in an hour or so, will you?"
You let out a hum in response and it isn't long before you start to see Dream's body go slack, his breathing now steady and deep as he slowly falls asleep. It's quite endearing seeing Dream act so affectionately towards you, something you certainly didn't expect from a guy who carries himself with a subtle wave of authority, but you definitely weren't complaining as you continued to play with his hair once again.
Dream would never tell a single soul about it, but this was quiet possible the best sleep he's gotten in years, if he even tried to sleep at all to begin with. The thought to just slow down and relax is never really on his mind, his head always spinning with things he has to do. However, with you, he's glad to know that he can look to you for comfort from now on, something he now realizes is rather hard to find on the server. It pains him to know that he'll have to leave in just a few moments but for now, he'll take what he can get from you and maybe, if you let him, he'll be sure to return your sweet gestures tenfold one day.
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A/N: Hello, everyone! I am so sorry for being absent recently, I know the writer's block excuse can only go so far but- yeah ^^' I'm so sorry again for everything and I'm sorry if this isn't what you were hoping for anon! Thank you so much for the rquest and feel free to request it again if you want me to remake this to hopefully suit what you wanted. Anyways, I hope you all have a good day and thank you so much for reading!
(Requests are open and anon is on!)
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rebel666 · 4 years
Text
Confessions of  a Joann Employee
UPDATE: If you want to send more confessions and/or report what’s happening at your Joann anonymously, there’s EmployeeJoann on Twitter that is responding to messages. They are constantly sharing and updating more as it becomes available to them!
A confession from a Joann employee that is in one of the Covid-19 effected areas and has so much to say about it:
-We are staying open until told by the state otherwise. Even though they declared a State of Emergency and all non-essential businesses must be shut down by 5pm on Saturday 3/21, our company is refusing to. Because Joann themselves is trying to deem Joann as an "essential" store. They even put it all over their website that we are here for the people making masks and small businesses who need fabric to continue. They quote that we are here for the customers and that we as United States Americans have a responsibility to fill this need. They aren’t looking at curbside only as an option, they aren’t looking at offering more benefits for shopping online, they want us open and people in stores. They are sending us emails with pieces of paper (unofficial, not state made) to print out and put in our cars to say we are on the way to work at an "essential retailer." Anything to make it so we can remain open.
-This sucks for employees and here’s why: The way Joann is set up is if we get sick, if we have to leave to take care of someone who is sick, if we want to self-quarantine (because of our health or the health of our loved ones), we either quit or ask to be put on Leave of Absence and cannot return without medical clearance. If we come into contact with someone who has Covid-19 (even if they came into the store), they request we stay home while the rest of us have to work even if we were standing right next to them. As long as we don’t display symptoms, we are expected to show up or we can request LoA. LoA does not pay us. The only way we as employees will be taken care of is if the store closes AND if we have two weeks of schedules set up. I was hoping the company was on the path to this when they had us cancel all the classes until May and then limited hours but all that went out the window today. Right now Joann is doing everything to prevent us from closing and in turn take care of their employees. Every single time I bring up our well-being, I get reminded that we need to think about the customer first.
-Our store is step up to have daily conference calls to talk about the current status and to express any concerns we have. I brought up the status about my county (our major has declared everyone be shut down as of 5pm tomorrow or the police will be involved) and that I am deeply concerned for us and they told me that we have a responsibility as a leader to keep everyone calm and to keep working through this. ***When I asked what if everyone in my store requests a Leave of Absence because we are all very much concerned about our health, they said, "We will replace you with team members from other stores. There are service industry people and travel workers looking for jobs and we will fill your positions with people who will work it."*** They straight up told me that we are replaceable/expendable because they value their "customers/money." It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been with the company. It all means nothing to them.
-They are sending out emails about what Joann is doing as a whole for Covid-19. Saying we are cleaning every hour and whatnot. What they fail to mention is we are a fabric store with no means of washing fabric. I see people on a daily basis cough into, wipe their snot on, kids place in their mouth, and all sorts of other nasty things into these bolts of fabric (seriously, wash the fabric you buy from Joann before doing anything). We have the basic cleaning supplies to wash floors and wipe counters with but that’s pretty much it. They are telling us as employees to bring in our own supplies if we can. An employee brought in gloves long ago just so we can use them to clean the bathrooms. Today I provided face masks for my fellow coworkers. Our store may look clean but we know its dirty little secrets.
-We are supposed to follow the whole 10 people rule but they do nothing to stop or limit people at the door and won’t do anything to enforce it. All while wanting us to cut hours to which is barely 2 people running the whole store for smaller Joann locations. It’s not safe for us to be on a bare-bones crew especially if they want us to remain an essential store.
-Joann before this was a great place to work. At least for my store. I love my store, I love the people I work with. Other stores I have heard horror stories from but mine was one of the good ones. I see them being bombarded on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to close. Not just by employees and families of employees but by concerned customers. And this pleases me because they need to take this seriously. What they do in the next 3 days will speak volumes on how much they listen to and care about us. This is a serious issue and we as employees are suffering.
As they report more, I will continue to add to this.
UPDATE 3/21: They emailed and made copies of this for employees to carry with them in their cars:
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Now the CEO of Joann is also a piece of work. All you have to do is google his name and you’ll see the Walgreen’s lawsuit, his DUIs (yes, plural), and his impact on Joann since joining - which includes increasing prices because of the tariffs. One employee confirms that when tariff thing went into effect, the entire store was repriced. Some markups were a few cents but some were a few dollars. Since then the prices continue to fluctuate.
There is also a petition going on Change.org asking for Joann to Close Their Stores And Pay Employees
If you get a chance, read some of the comments people are putting in support of this:
I no longer feel safe in my workplace. The greed is sickening.
My employees deserve to be treated like people and make a livable wage and have benefits! Our health over their profit!
Staff at my local store have been asked to bring in their own gloves for cleaning. Hand sanitizer expired in 2012. Employees are reporting little to know cleaning supplies in a store that targets the elderly as a primary demographic. The material used in the masks is not medical grade. This company is shamelessly profiteering from the pandemic.
As a former employee and manager I know the company does not follow any real cleaning guidelines. They understaff their stores, overwork their employees and frown upon time off. Fabrics and crafts are not essential items at this time and since the majority of the clientele there are elderly i think they are creating more risk. Finally do something good for your employees and send gem home with pay
As a previous manager, I'm sad to say that this company does not value its workers. To see that they are putting their workers, and others who visit, at a continued risk is unbelievable and is extremely selfish. Now is the time to act and stop the spread of COVID-19 and to keep Joann's open does not help stop the spread in anyway shape or form.
Over the last two days, my local store decided to carry on with inventory. They brought in an inventory team from the area of our state with the vast majority of cases. It's one thing to not close and continue to expose the public to the risk, but decisions like these show that Jo-Anns has a blatant disregard for the wellbeing of its employees and customers. Even more telling is the fact that we know that you are seeing our pleas to do the right thing, but continue to ignore us on social media. There is only one reason that you are pushing to categorize Jo-Anns as an essential business, and that is greed. In fact, I had to spend my own money on gas to drive all over the city looking for more cleaning supplies after my manager ordered me to. Your employees do so much for you, and we are compensated very little. I have been at Jo-Anns long enough to know that you would never compensate us for our time off, but at least join the other non-essential business and shut down for the time being.
joann’s customer base is primarily elderly or otherwise at risk people, and many employees are also older or immunocompromised. employees are overwhelmed as we can’t keep up with the cleaning guidelines while also taking care of customers, not to mention we’re severely lacking in cleaning supplies in the first place. joann is encouraging people to come in for supplies to make face masks, yet these masks aren’t sterile since people touch and breathe on the fabric all day, and it’s then laid on the counter to be measured and cut. employees themselves aren’t even allowed to wear masks or gloves. joann cares more about profit than the safety of both their team members and customers.
There are so many comments I want to share. These are just a few. This is Joann. They care more about their image and their financial gains than the backbone of their stores. The people who put up with their ridiculous requests day in and day out are now at risk and putting others at risk. Places like Hot Topic closed down and took care of their employees, places like Joanns should too!
But also lets not forget, Hobby Lobby is also not taking Covid-19 seriously.
UPDATE 3/22: “We have signs saying we're cleaning more but found out Friday that we're out of supplies in the distribution center. They claim they will send them out once they receive any but I found out today from a truck driver the company that supplies everything for Joann (from inventory to store use items) is closed for 2 weeks... because of this they're telling us to use the bathroom cleaner as a substitute.”
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From Joann Employee Confessions on Twitter:
Confession 17 - Our Joann was closed! We received a C&D from the Chief of Police! We were so ecstatic as employees when they came in and told us to cease all business operations! Not even curbside! BUT then we had to tell our District Manager... and everything changed.
Our DM told us to come back to work tomorrow because he was going to have Joann's lawyers work on it. My heart sank. Them being open was more important. So I went into work and it was so nice not being open to the public. We finally caught up on recovery and cleaning! All things we have neglected the past week because it's been too busy for us to keep up! All of us were in great spirits and it was the best day ever. Until our DM called... and he told us to section off all the "non-essential" parts of the store.
Fabric and sewing notions were deemed essential and we would be open to the public the next day. No curbside only. Nope. People were to come right back in and nothing about limitations. Nothing about cleaning our disgusting fabric. Just to section off half the store so the public could come in and buy all the fabric and sewing supplies they could want. And to add to that... they are doing a remnant promotion where all the spare pieces are free to the customer now! Another thing for our already spare crew to do when we don't have time!
I am honestly so shattered over how the Chief of Police who seemed so interested in our well-being backed out of this. We are exposed once again. 3 of us tonight took Leave of Absence papers tonight because we don't feel safe. This was the final nail in the coffin.
UPDATE - My coworker messaged me, “Got up at 10:00 to get ready for work. A text came in saying the store is closed and I don't have to come to work. Seems there was a conference call. It appears the state is involved and overrode the mayor!” But Joann is still fighting it. This is a day by day thing. They are telling us if we want hours we have to go to another store. If not, we have to put in our leave of absence. 
More articles coming through right now: 
These Retailers Refused To Close During The Pandemic, So An Illinois City Shut Them Down
Joann Fabrics' mask-making promotion raises questions
Gregory said the masks were being donated to Rush Oak Park Hospital in Oak Park and to Northwestern Medicine Delnor Hospital in Geneva – but spokespeople for both those hospitals said it was not true.“Due to infection control measures, Northwestern Medicine cannot accept donations of handmade masks, gowns and other medical supplies,” according to an email from Kimberly Waterman, spokeswoman for Northwestern Medicine Delnor. “Only factory-made, hospital-quality supplies, including N95 masks, face shields, gloves, gowns, sanitizers and swabs can be donated.”
“There is no barrier,” White said. “Once [handmade cloth masks] get wet, I don’t think they’re that effective.” (I can confirm. A RN confirmed with me that cloth masks collect moisture which acts as a magnet for infections.)
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cryoaquila · 3 years
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the cost
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prompt; you see something you weren’t supposed to see...
pairings; tartaglia x gn!reader
themes; established relationship, genshin universe, death (no major characters), descriptive death, blood, angst, break-up.
wc; 2k
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you were in over your head, but that realization came far too late. now, every little sound, like the creek of your house or the sounds of people walking outside or the knock at your door like the one you just heard all cause your heart to skip a beat. you peek through your window, something that had become custom for you, and there he was; tartaglia was standing at your door, waiting for you to answer and explain to him why you’ve been avoiding him. as you look him over you notice he’s wearing a sorrowful expression, but your eyes could not unsee his expression before, the one you saw during the 'accident’, as you refer to it. it was a terrible event you wish you could forget or not care about, but no, instead it changed your relationship with him forever.
the ‘accident’ occurred at his house. he wanted to treat you to a nice dinner out and asked you to come by his place in the evening. having gotten ready a little early, you decided that you’d just go to his house to hang out before the date. but as you approached you noticed his front door was slightly ajar and you heard angry yelling coming from inside that made you both curious and fearful. you hurried up the steps and let yourself in, your mind racing with possibilities from the tame to the quite imaginative. the entrance hallway was dark save for a light shining from the dining room all the way toward the back of the hall. quietly, you walk over to peer into the dining room, pressing yourself against the wall to stay in the shadows. tartaglia was sitting in one of the dining chairs, dressed and ready for the date tonight, but there was someone else in the room that you had never seen before. a man, who was pacing around the table, dressed in black and red and wearing a mask, muttering about something. it was strange, while you’ve never seen him before, his clothes looked… familiar as if you saw them once stuffed somewhere in the back of a closet or drawer. your train of thought ended as the man began to yell once more.
“you can’t just vanish without saying a word and expect us to accept it without consequence. you know how our organization deals with deserters.” 
“i know how your organization deals with people who want to leave, too.” tartaglia scoffed at him before letting a sigh out, resting an arm on the table beside him, “i can do what i wish, my past ranking should allow that much.”
“but why leave? you were at the top of your game and you loved what you did, i don’t understand.”
“i owe you no explanation,” he replied coldly.
“then,” the man in the mask muttered, “let me show you what we owe you.” suddenly, the gleam of a dagger appeared from one of his pockets. you reached out a hand, about to say something, but it was too late. he lunged at tartaglia. you gaped, watching as he skillfully jumped up from the chair before you could even get a single word out. the candlelight flickered as the dagger slammed into the back of the wooden chair, getting stuck. tartaglia grabbed the chair before the other man could retrieve his weapon, and, in one swift motion, he slammed the chair into his attacker before taking the dagger for himself. he threw the chair at the masked man who staggered backward against the wall behind him. the masked man managed to punch tartaglia in the face as a last defense, but this only made him stagger sideways a little. he looked back up, a smirk on his face, and you heard him chuckle, almost as if he enjoyed the futile effort of his attacker. you slapped your hands over your mouth, trying to hold back your scream as, before your eyes, tartaglia stabbed the man directly in his throat without hesitation. you watched in horror as the attacker’s body spasmed for a few seconds along with a horrendous gurgling sound that scarred your ears. he clawed at the dagger impaling him, desperate, but tartaglia didn’t let go and instead his grip on the weapon only seemed to tighten. you continued to watch in horror as the life left the masked man’s eyes and his body went limp. once he made sure the man was dead, he yanked the dagger out, blood splattering across his attire and pooling on the floor below.
“damn,” he muttered as the body fell to the floor with a loud thud, “what a mess this was.” you swallowed hard before taking a few small steps backward toward where the front door was, wanting to leave without alerting him but unable to take your eyes off the scene before you. a small creek from the floorboards echoed from one of your steps and you paused, noticing that he was now looking toward the hallway you were in. he held the dagger out in your direction and asked, “who’s there? come out, or do you not want to die like your ally here?” that’s when you saw his expression. he had a small grin on his uncaring and unafraid face and he looked strangely determined, as if he was ready to stab the next person who dared confront him without any mercy. and his eyes. dear archons, his eyes were that of a killer’s - not the wide bright blue eyes that you were used to seeing. you were sure if you stayed, if you showed yourself, he’d act without thinking and that single thought sent a shiver down your spine. with your heart now racing your flight instincts kicked in and you turned and booked it out of his house and headed back to lock yourself inside your own home, terrified of what you witnessed him do and terrified of… well, him.
that was the reason you had been avoiding him for a while and, currently, why you weren’t keen on opening the door. he knocks again and you see him roll his eyes as you duck back down. “hey, i’m worried about you. i haven’t seen you in weeks, just, talk to me? please?”
you knew you couldn’t keep avoiding him, even though you wanted to. you rise to your feet, letting out a shaky sigh before heading to the front door. you crack it open only a tiny bit, enough to show him that you were somewhat alright. you decide to rip the bandage off and confront your fears and let him know what the issue was, “i saw.” was the first thing to come out of your mouth.
“you saw?” he pauses to think over your reply before responding quicker than you expect, “oh. you mean... that day, before our date...? you weren’t supposed to see that...” he stayed silent for a few moments before trying to justify himself to you, “it was nothing but self-protection, i didn’t want to harm him.” he connected the dots so easily, you wondered if he had expected that you saw what happened but hoped you hadn’t. at the very least, that... uncaring killer you saw at his house was gone and the tartaglia you fell in love with was before you.
“i know it was self-protection.” although, you couldn’t help but feel like a part of him took a little joy in killing that masked man - a mixture of self-protection and a liberating form of pleasure seemed more like it to you. “who was he?” it was difficult to even look at him, afraid that the next time you glance up he’d be covered in blood with a dagger in his hand.
“he was an old... colleague from a past i’m not happy with, but that doesn’t matter right now. i don’t understand why you avoided me if all i did was protect myself. it’s not like i was in the wrong.”
“no, you weren’t in the wrong.” you shake your head, “but i’m so afraid of seeing someone die like that or... seeing you kill like that again. you did it so easily, without a second thought, even when he lost his weapon. and how you looked when you did it.” you notice he flinched as soon as you said that. “what... did you do before i met you?” your voice was barely a whisper at this point.
he put a hand on his chest, “what you saw wasn’t me, or, i mean, isn’t what i want to be anymore. it’s just... an after affect, i guess, but i’m done with that life. however, if death is the cost of protection, i’d rather the death be someone else’s than yours or mine.”
“no! i don’t want there to be any more death. yours, mine, theirs, a stranger’s, i can’t...” you mutter in a shaky tone, resting your forehead against the cold door in-between the two of you. your words were jumbled together, your thoughts equally so. 
he leans to the side, trying to get a peak of you, his face distraught, “that... might not be a possibility. this organization i used to be a part of doesn’t look kindly on deserters like me. that’s why i didn’t mention it to you, i know you aren’t used to... such a lifestyle since you’ve lived in town your whole life. but that doesn’t matter, they don’t matter. i swear, they won’t touch a single hair on your head, i’ll die before they harm you.”
tears form in the corners of your eyes, “please don’t say something like that! i can’t see you... die.” just saying the word out loud felt like you were bringing it into fruition and you can’t help but grit your teeth and hold your breath, ready for an archon or even someone lesser to come and end his life before your eyes. but nothing of the sort happens. letting out the breath you were holding, you continue speaking, your voice shakier than before, “and not just dying, i can’t handle you killing either! seeing you like that, with blood on you, ready to kill or be killed...”
he looks just as confused as you felt, “i’m sorry, i’m really, truly sorry. you weren’t supposed to ever see me like that. tell me, how can i make this right so we can be happy together once again?” his tone went from worried and confused to practically begging.
“i… i don’t think i can... i’m terrified...” you wrap your arms around yourself before muttering, “i’m terrified of you and what might happen to you.” the words felt strange to say, to be terrified of the man you once hugged and kissed freely, and now watching his hopeful expression drop off his face was not helping your own conflicting thoughts.
“no, archons no, i don’t want you to be terrified of me, i want you to see me like you used to see me and how... how i want to see myself now that i’m not with them. i love you, please i don’t want this to end, i can be good-”
“i just, i need time for myself, time away from... you. maybe that will help me come to terms with... everything? i don’t know... i just don’t know...” your head was hurting, but not as much as the ache in your chest like someone ripped your heart out.
“i…” he sighs, looking like he was on the verge of tears. he rubs his eyes, trying to keep the tears from building up, before looking back at you, completely defeated, “ok… i can give you some space if that’s what you need now.” his words cause your bottom lip to tremble.
“i think it will help me figure things out.” you try to keep your voice from cracking, but couldn’t. and his response only made your stomach churn.
“i won’t ever stop loving you, though.”
you shut your eyes tightly, trying to keep the tears from rolling down your cheeks, “... i know.” you whisper and, with that, you shut the door before letting the tears flow freely.
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iamshwee · 3 years
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SHADOW WORK: The Ultimate Guide
I. Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism
For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.” Whether through the family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do in life to be happy was to focus on everything beautiful, positive and spiritually “righteous.” I’m sure you were raised believing a similar story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being.”
But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:
I was wrong.
Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level. In fact, I’ve learned through a lot of heavy inner work, that not only is focusing solely on “holiness” in life one side of the equation, but it is actually a form of spiritually bypassing your deeper, darker problems that, let me assure you, almost definitely exist.
It is very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level. Instead, it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes which sound nice, but don’t enact any real change.
What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.
II. What is the Human Shadow?
In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten disowned self. 
Your shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful” or even “evil.” 
This dark place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.
So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:
“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”
When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self. When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and causes psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner or physically harming others. Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.
Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.
III. What is Shadow Work?
Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear, and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable, and “civilized” in the eyes of others.
Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves. 
Why? Because without revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.
All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting in crimes of all kinds.
Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history.  These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual guides, and therapists.
IV. Do We All Have a Shadow Self?
Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self.
As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side within every human being. Why is this the case? The reason why all human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’
“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be thinking. Well, the reality is that yes, you might be a good person. In fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from having a Shadow. 
There are no exceptions here. 
The nature of being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to embrace that.
Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way. We have been taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side.
This black and white thinking is one of the major causes of our suffering.
If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized self. 
Signs of an idealized self include attitudes such as:
·   “I’m not like those people, I’m better.”
·  “I have never strayed.”
·  “God is proud of me.”
·  “Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”
·  “Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”
·  “I’m a role model.”
·  “I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”
·  “I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”
Such perceptions about oneself are unrealistic, unhealthy, and largely delusional. The only way to find inner peace, happiness, authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our Shadow.
V. How is Our Shadow Side Formed?
Your Shadow side is formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of natural ego development, and (b) a product of conditioning or socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.
When we are born, we are are all full of potential, with the ability to survive and develop in a variety of ways. As time goes on, we learn more and more to become a certain type of person. Slowly, due to our circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character traits and reject others. For example, if we are born into a family that shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented. If we are born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt that as part of our ego structure.
As authors and Jungian therapists, Steve Price and David Haynes write:
“But, as we develop our ego-personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego-personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.”
As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.
But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all contributed to your Shadow.
How?
Well here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are approved of, while others are shunned. Take anger for example. Anger is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and affection).
There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo, or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.
What happens as we grow up?
Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.
Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:
“Each of us is like Dorian Gray. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanor; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that does not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviors that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming an invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …”
But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the Shadow.
VI. What is the Golden Shadow?
Jung once states that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” What this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by our Shadow side if we take the time to look. For example, so much of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we were taught when little to reject it.
Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents, such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even intuitive aptitudes.
The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness. Such is the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual path needs Shadow Work to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.
VII. What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?
When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. — S. Wolf
Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence.
Both religion and modern spirituality tend to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom. 
This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.
Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among gurus, and of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes among spiritual teachers.
Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:
·  Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)
·  Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)
·  Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger
·  Emotional and mental manipulation of others
·  Greed and addictions
·  Phobias and obsessive compulsions
·  Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior
·  Intense anxiety
·  Chronic psychosomatic illness
·  Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)
·  Sexual perversion
·  Narcissistically inflated ego
·  Chaotic relationships with others
·  Self-loathing
·  Self-absorption
·  Self-sabotage
… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadow is through psychological projection.
VIII. The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)
One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection.
Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.
When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix. Why? Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:
“We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.”
There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of our Shadow qualities. We may criticize, reject, hate, dehumanize, or even in extreme cases, physically or psychologically seek to destroy them (think of countries who go at war with the “enemies”). None of us are innocent in this area. We have ALL projected parts of our rejected self onto others. In fact, Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and break down.
If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.
IX. Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work
Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work. It is the single most important path I’ve taken to uncover my core wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and projections. I have also observed how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity, understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the lives of others. It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul level targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial symptoms.
There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:
1.     Deeper love and acceptance of yourself
2.     Better relationships with others, including your partner and children
3.     More confidence to be your authentic self
4.     More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity
5.     Increased compassion/understanding for others = who you dislike
6.     Enhanced creativity
7.     Discovery of hidden gifts and talents
8.     Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose
9.     Improved physical and mental health
10.   More courage to face the unknown and truly live life
11.   Access to your Soul or Higher Self
12.   A feeling of Wholeness
It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.
X. Seven Tips for Approaching Shadow Work
Before you begin Shadow Work, you need to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:
·        Have you practiced self-love yet?
o   If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadow will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking this self-esteem test to explore whether you’re ready (but first, don’t forget to finish this article!).
·        Are you prepared to make time? 
o   Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is important to take a break from it from time to time. But Shadow Work requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it? Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.
·        Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth? 
o   As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths that are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.
·        Seek to enter a calm and neutral space. 
o   It is important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.
·        Understand that you are not your thoughts. 
o   You need to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.
·        Practice self-compassion.
o   It is of paramount importance to incorporate compassion and self-acceptance into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.
·        Record everything you find. 
o   Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections.
 XI. How to Practice Shadow Work
There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:
1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions
In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:
One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs, and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given the power to in my life unconsciously, because: what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.
The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about ourselves.
For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces, and public places – I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. Apart of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.
Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.
Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.
How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions
To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:
1. Self-awareness
Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling, and saying, you won’t progress very far.
If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:
2. Adopt an open mindset
You will need to have the courage and willingness to observe EVERYTHING uncomfortable you place importance in, and ask “why?” What do I mean by the phrase “placing importance in”? By this, I mean that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs and terrifies you, you must pay attention to. Closely.
Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual, and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same).
There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place importance in.
“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.
Well, think for a moment. If you didn’t place so much importance on what makes you angry, disgusted or upset . . . why would you be reacting to it so much? The moment you emotionally react to something is the moment you have given that thing power over you. Only that which doesn’t stir up emotions in us is not important to us.
See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to teach you.
2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self
Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself.  Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.
Start by allowing yourself to feel (or drawing on any existing) dark emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you such as pen and pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc. and draw what you feel. You don’t need to consider yourself an ‘artist’ to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to plan what you’ll create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking. The more spontaneous, the better. Artistic expression can reveal a lot about your obscure darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was even famous for using mandalas in his therapy sessions.
3. Start a Project
The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty competitiveness, and self-doubt. At the same time, starting a project also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.
If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking (such as building something, writing a book, composing music, mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing. Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness. Ask yourself constantly, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and bad. You will likely be surprised by what you find!
For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that assumption has been challenged by the act of writing this blog. Thanks to this project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.
4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal
Goethe’s story Faust is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self.  His story details the life of a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at the same time.
Write a story where you project your Shadow elements onto the characters – this is a great way to learn more about your inner darkness.  If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature.  Reading through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions within you.
5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes
We have several Shadow varieties, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:
·        The Sorcerer/Alchemist
·        The Dictator
·        The Victim
·        The Shadow Witch
·        The Addict
·        The Idiot
·        The Trickster
·        The Destroyer
·        The Slave
·        The Shadow Mother
·        The Hag
·        The Hermit
However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.
13 Shadow Archetypes
Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:
1.  The Egotistical Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.
2.  The Neurotic Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky, demanding, compulsive behavior.
3.  The Untrustworthy Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.
4.  The Emotionally Unstable Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.
5.  The Controlling Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.
6.  The Cynical Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.
7.  The Wrathful Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.
8.  The Rigid Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight, intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.
9.  The Glib Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.
10.  The Cold Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.
11.  The Perverted Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.
12.  The Cowardly Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful.
13.  The Immature Shadow
This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile, childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.
Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means exhaustive. I’m sure that there are many others out there which I have missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore your own Shadows. You’re also welcome to add to this list or create your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. For example, you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow who you call “The Nun,” or a sexually deviant Shadow who you call “The Deviant.” Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your Shadows the best.
6. Have an Inner Conversation
Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.
I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this practice right now. After all, we are taught that “only crazy people talk to themselves.” But inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy as a way to help people communicate with the various subpersonalities that they have – and we all possess various faces and sides of our ego.
One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer. Record anything that arises and reflect on it. It is even possible to carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You will likely be surprised by the answers you receive!
Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in the ground, or the ocean as these all represent the unconscious mind. Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same manner, e.g. if you are walking down a path, make sure you walk back up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you open the same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.
7. Use the Mirror Technique
As we have learned, projection is a technique of the Shadow that helps us to avoid what we have disowned. However, we don’t only project the deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our light and positive attributes as well. For example, a person may be attracted to another who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not realizing that this quality is what they long to reunite with inside themselves. Another common example (this time negative) is judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say “he/she is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own judgmental nature.
The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially, we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears.
Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?” Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.
Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also, look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.
The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned. On a side note, you might also like to read about a similar practice called mirror work which helps you to come face-to-face with your own denied aspects.
XII. Shadow Work Q&A
Here are some commonly asked questions about shadow work:
What is shadow work?
Shadow work is the psychological and spiritual practice of exploring our dark side or the ‘shadowy’ part of our nature. We all possess a place within us that contains our secrets, repressed feelings, shameful memories, impulses, and parts that are deemed “unacceptable” and “ugly.” This is our dark side or shadow self – and it is often symbolized as a monster, devil, or ferocious wild animal.
How to do shadow work?
There are many ways to practice shadow work. Some of the most powerful and effective techniques include journaling, artistically expressing your dark side (also known as art therapy), using a mirror to connect with this part of you (mirror work), guided meditations, exploring your projections, and examining your shadow archetypes.
What is the spiritual shadow?
There is light and darkness within all areas of life, and spirituality is not exempt. The spiritual shadow is what occurs when we fall into the traps of spiritual materialism – a phenomenon where we use spirituality to boost our egos and become arrogant, self-absorbed, and even narcissistic.
XIII. Shadow Self -Test
https://lonerwolf.com/shadow-self-test/
As passionate proponents of Shadow Work, we have created a free Shadow Self test on this website for you to take. Like any test, take it with a grain of salt and use your own analysis to ultimately determine how ‘dominant’ your Shadow is in your life. Please remember that tests online cannot be 100% accurate, so see it as a fun self-discovery tool. And note: those who receive a “small Shadow Self” answer still need to do Shadow Work. No person is exempt. ;)
XIV. Own Your Shadow and You Will Own Your Life
If you are looking for some serious, authentic and long-lived healing in your life, Shadow Work is the perfect way to experience profound inner transformation. Remember that what you internalize is almost always externalized in one form or another.
Own your shadow and you will own your life.
Here are some final inspiring words:
“The secret is out: all of us, no exceptions, have qualities we won’t let anyone see, including ourselves – our Shadow. If we face up to our dark side, our life can be energized. If not, there is the devil to pay. This is one of life’s most urgent projects. — Larry Dossey (Healing Words)”
“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” — Gail Sheehy
“Who has not at one time or another felt a sourness, wrath, selfishness, envy and pride, which he could not tell what to do with, or how to bear, rising up in him without his consent, casting a blackness over all his thoughts … It is exceeding good and beneficial to us to discover this dark, disordered fire of our soul; because when rightly known and rightly dealt with, it can as well be made the foundation of heaven as it is of hell. — William Law”
“To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light. — Carl Jung”
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Previous Chapter
"Don't bother coming back into work tomorrow."
Her words had been replaying in your mind since the final encounter, bouncing round like a taunting echo. It'd only been a week since you'd stopped working at Alchemex, yet had felt like a lifetime of boredom and fatigue. With no job or persistent villain to chase after, if you could even call Liv a villain anymore, there was no reason to get out of bed in the morning, nothing to stop you from moping around your apartment. The days blended into what felt like one long sick day, disregarding the occasional break to rescue a cat stuck in a tree.
Although, your only sickness was of the mind. Whenever you attempted to get some rest, your thoughts would inevitably drift to Liv; the cold, distanced tone to her voice, the look of betrayal in her eyes, how empty the week had felt without her. By the third night plagued with insomnia, you were starting to accept that your feelings towards her may be more than a simple crush. On the eighth night, you decided you ought to do something about it and began to formulate a plan.
Entering the building like you were still an employee would be almost impossible since anyone who left their job was rarely welcomed back with open arms. It'd also be better to avoid the security and CCTV cameras, which you'd learnt used face recognition technology. And finally, locating a security card would pose a potential problem, as walking round the facility until you happened to stumble across a janitor to steal from was unfortunately no longer a possibility. So, what was the solution to all your problems? Vents.
Which is how you found yourself scouring over blueprints like a cliched protagonist from a bygone age movie, but at least the irony hadn't escaped you, and thankfully laboratories generally required a great deal of ventilation, so you had multiple routes memorised by the time the bus had arrived at Alchemex. You'd spent the entire journey on edge, fearful that any fellow passenger might accost you for looking so suspicious. But apparently an agitated figure buried beneath a pile of blueprints wearing a spider-suit underneath a jumper was normal enough to be ignored.
Nonetheless, stepping onto the concrete ground of the car park was a relief which inspired a tad more optimism. Moreover, leaving the burdening stacks of blueprints behind further alleviated some of your anxiety. It felt like a final confirmation that this was your one and only chance, and you weren't about to mess it up. Even as the building loomed over you casting a shadow of uncertainty, nothing could discourage your determination.
There was the remarkable sense that you didn't belong here, though it was a familiar sensation. One that persuaded you to tug the mask over your head before darting toward the edge of the car park. It was your belief that as long as you stuck to the outskirts of the facility, few would pay you any attention while you were out in the open. Therefore allowing you to manoeuvre into position and take the quickest passage straight to Liv's office. Which is exactly what you did.
The first stretch of the vent system was a straight drop, a narrow plunge that went on for longer than anticipated. Like a slide with no angle of inclination and a lot less fun. You hit the metal base with an ungraceful clang, certain that your legs would've buckled upon impact had it not been for the lack of space to do so. Overall an uncomfortable start. The remainder of the journey was a lot of crawling and muscle cramps, your only incentive being the occasional grate to peer down which reassured you that your destination was drawing nearer. Everything was going to plan.
Until you heard her.
Olivia's voice rung clear as if from a dream. It stood out from the general ruckus, initially leading you to believe you were hallucinating, that it was some kind of audible mirage. Yet you refocused your senses and it didn't go away. She was almost directly below you, separated simply by a thin layer of metal. With renewed ambition, you crawled toward the nearest grate as quickly and quietly as possible, frantically lowering your head to find the perfect angle, all just to catch a glimpse of her.
"What do you mean the program hasn't worked?" Liv pinched the bridge of her nose, her words laced with an an uncharacteristic anger. You'd never known her to be an irritable person, she loved her job and every challenge that came with it. Was she uptight? Sure. Passionate? Undeniably. But never angry.
"I've tried rerunning and rewriting parts of the code. And it just doesn't work!" Some poor employee (Mark, if you remembered correctly) was fighting for his dignity below. You could see he was flushing, wildly flailing his hands around as he tried to justify his mistake.
"You've rewritten part of it?!" She repeated, volume rising in frustration.
"I- I thought I knew how to fix it."
"I told you not to mess with my work." She growled, stepping closer.
"With all due respect," He didn't back down, clearly caught off guard and unsure how to deal with an irritated Liv. "it's actually Y/N's work."
Upon hearing your name, you ducked out of view as if you'd been seen. Although, it was evident that this was not the case, so slowly you edged forward to peer down at them once more.
Liv's face had dropped at the mention of your name. But by the time you'd settled back in place, anger was already seeping into her expression, then was suddenly smoothed into disturbingly sweet smile. "Well, Y/N isn't here anymore. So I suggest you keep your incompetent hands off of things you don't understand."
Judging by her vague wording, you guessed she hadn't told anyone the real reason you'd been fired. A fond appreciation flooded your mind. Despite everything that had happened, she still respected your secret enough to keep it. You begun to consider that maybe Liv cared about you as much as you did her. Why else would she lie on your behalf?
Mark muttered an ashamed. "Ok." Then left to try and atone for his mistake.
Liv stayed where she was for another minute before taking a deep breath, shaking off her annoyance, and setting a determined path. You assumed she was heading for her office and were about to follow, but then paused. Was this really the best time for a reunion? She obviously wasn't in the best mood, and if you had to guess, it was likely due to your betrayal. Was it too soon to reappear in her life? You'd arrived here with the intention to apologise and make amends, however, you had no idea how Liv would react or what would happen after. If there would even be an after. She could attack you on first sight for all you knew.
No. You'd come too far to turn around now. You continued along the vent before you could overthink the decision. It would be foolish to turn around now: the end was in sight, and rapidly growing closer.
Reaching the final grate, you were greeted with the familiar yet new aerial view of Liv's office. It'd remained mainly the same since your departure. She hadn't even bothered to remove your lab coat, which was still carelessly thrown over the chair you'd frequented everyday. And Liv herself hadn't changed much either, disregarding the seemingly permanent anger lines upon her face. She was sitting at her desk, head in hand, mindlessly flipping through a folder. It occurred to you at that moment that she didn't look irritated, rather sad. Another unexpected emotion for her to display.
After a minute, she sighed, tossing the papers to one side and bringing her other hand up to crash forward into. She looked defeated, seeing her this way felt wrong. You honestly preferred the anger because it showed she'd maintained at least some of her usual intensity.
You sighed. It was time to fix this. With unsteady hands you delicately unscrewed the bolts holding the grate in place, careful to make as little noise as possible. It was as you were removing the final screw that you realised something: you had no idea what to say to her. No planned speech or prepared apology, you'd resigned to hoping for a spontaneous burst of thoughtfulness in the moment. You sat there for a minute, fidgeting with one of the screws while attempting to come up with what you would say. Should you start by apologising for breaking in, or for lying to her, or for applying to the job in the first place? You had a lot of things to apologise for.
And unfortunately, the chance to think it through any further was taken from you as the screw slipped out of your hand. You gasped watching it fall, hitting the ground with an faint thud. Although quiet enough for most people to ignore, you knew Liv was too thorough to not investigate. And as expected, following your sharp intake of breath was the sound of a chair scraping against the floor, then footsteps gradually approaching.
Liv appeared below you, bending down to inspect the screw before glancing up. Her eyes locked with yours through the mask and widened in shock.
"Hey." The casual tone to your voice sounded forced and you grimaced. But rather than dwelling on it, you dropped from the exposed hiding place and pulled off your mask. You smiled awkwardly, eyes scanning and overanalysing her reaction.
Liv stepped back to lean on the desk for support. Her mouth was agape, but otherwise her face was worryingly blank.
"If this is a bad time I can come back later."
Still no response. The room was drowning in a tense silence.
"Well, actually I probably can't come back." With no social cues to interact with, you began to ramble aimlessly. "I'm guessing you'll find a way to patch that particular security breach." You gestured up to the gap in the ceiling and laughed lightly. "Sorry about that. I didn't know how else to-"
You're cut off as Liv moves impossibly fast, grabbing your shoulders and shoving you backwards against the wall. A thousand different thoughts run through your mind at once, all wondering what she's about to do. The majority are focused on the possibility that she's going to hurt you in some way, although, even if she did have the intention to cause harm, you wouldn't fight back. You were tired of conflict, especially when it involved Liv.
She was standing close, breathing heavily and saying nothing. You couldn't help but let your eyes flicker down to her lips, the temptation to kiss her becoming increasingly vehement. So instead you forced your attention up to her eyes, which held an air of confusion.
"What are you doing here?" Her voice was deep, full of unvoiced emotions.
You licked your lips, glancing at her mouth one last time. "I came here to apologise. I didn't mean for any of this to go so far."
"You're lying." She backed away slightly and you immediately missed the proximity.
"I'm not! I just-" You stuttered, then admitted in a quieter voice. "I never meant to hurt you."
She inhaled shakily and swallowed, your eyes tracing the movement of her throat. "And?"
"And because I care about you too much to let you think I did any of this on purpose." You lowered your head, her invasive glare becoming overwhelming.
Soft fingers firmly gripped your chin, compelling you to look up. Her eyes displayed distrust, confusion which you suddenly feel the need to wipe away. You wanted to make your affection for her clear, but found yourself annoyingly speechless. All the recurring thoughts and confined confessions that had been plaguing you for a week suddenly gone from your mind. You were infuriatingly at a loss for words. Although, the warmth of her fingers against your skin reminded you that actions speak louder than words.
You leant in slowly, giving her sufficient time to stop you. She didn't move so you kissed her lightly at first, searingly next. Your arm shifted to wrap around her back tentatively and she moaned faintly in response. Although, it wasn't until you allowed her to take control that any remaining anger dissipated. At that point the kiss became bruising, her hold on you tightening as a wave of shared desperation rolled over the both of you. Before the desperation could reach its peak, however, you separated from her.
Liv was almost panting, her cheeks tinged pink and hair a mess. She promptly attempted to kiss you again, though you dodged the advance and she whined. Her mouth latched onto your neck, sucking at the skin there.
Your head fell back against the wall, dizzy from lust. "Does this mean I can have my job back?" You quipped, running a hand through your hair.
"Depends." She murmured in between kisses. "Do you have anymore secrets?"
"None that I can think of." You smiled, the prospect of returning to what you'd come to consider as normality was an appealing one. Of course there were things you would need to work through with Liv, and many, many extra complications alongside having a relationship with your boss. But nothing easy was ever worthwhile, and Liv was living proof of that.
"Alright. You're hired."
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hannahdra-ws · 3 years
Text
and now (you’re hyper paranoid)
Summary: 
hypochondria; n; abnormal anxiety about one's health, especially with an unwarranted fear that one has a serious disease.
(or: Janus has a very bad time.)
Romantic, established dukeceit
TWs: hypochondria, covid-19, panic attacks, unspecified eating disorder, coughing, crying
----------
Through the uneasy feeling, Janus knew he was being a little unrealistic.
He's perfectly healthy, he rarely gets sick. He hasn't even had the flu before. He's double vaccinated, and he wears his mask everywhere. He's certainly never gotten food poisoning before.
So he doesn't know why he's freaking out so much.
read on ao3
Janus stared at the plate in front of him, heart thumping so loudly he was almost sure the others at the table could hear it. It wasn't anything major, it was just meatloaf with a side of mashed potatoes and corn, and Patton and Logan (mostly Logan) spent a lot of time on it, so there's no reason he shouldn't eat it.
The others are enjoying it too, bantering and joking across the table without a care in the world. Roman was basically sitting in Logan's lap, and Four Idiots (as Janus and Remus dubbed them as) kept sending each other equally besotted expressions. Remus was next to him, gesturing animatedly while he talked with one hand and the other hand tightly gripped in Janus's own.
He felt off kilter and shaky, watching everyone eat their food. Janus knows he should be eating too, and logically he knows that there is a very small chance of him getting food poisoning. But that doesn't make the debilitating anxiety welling up inside him go away.
Oh God, he's going to get sick, somethings wrong with the meat he'll get sick and vo-
Ugh. Virgil's the one that has the anxiety problem, not him. Why did his brother have to give him his mental illness? Bitch.
Suddenly, a loud noise happened, forcefully dragging Janus out of his mind. It was Roman, coughing loudly. He kept hacking, and hacking, and Janus abruptly felt faint. 
The others were watching with concern, and Logan was patting Roman on the back to get whatever had lodged in his throat out. Eventually, he did clear his airways, after a long breath in and a particularly violent cough. 
Patton inquired if he was okay, and Roman nodded, face red and tears streaming down his face from coughing so much. "Sorry, I choked." His voice was scratchy from coughing. But he was smiling, and that should have been an indicator that he was okay, he just choked, he's fine-
Remus made some comment, and Virgil flipped him off while still looking worriedly in Roman's direction, but Janus suddenly couldn't hear through the ringing in his ears. Remus must have noticed either the way he abruptly went still, or the fact that he had barely eaten anything, because he squeezed his hand in question. Janus abruptly stood up from the table, almost knocking his chair down in the process.
Remus frowned, a small, confused thing, "Jaybird? You alright?"
"I'm sorry, if you'll excuse me," Janus managed to choke out, before quickly ripping his hand from Remus's and stumbling away, ignoring the protests and calls from the table behind him. 
He hopes no one noticed that he didn't finish his meal.
----
Janus stumbled to his room, heart beating out of his chest, thump, thump, thump. He quickly locked the door and slid his back down to the floor, digging his gloved hands in his hair and pulling.
Roman's dry hacking wouldn't leave his head, oh God he sounded sick, but he's not he just choked he's fine, he doesn't have covid none of you do you're all vaccinated, fuck-
Janus was acutely aware that he was crying, now, his chest tight and his throat sore from the tears. He was trembling, small and terrified against the back of his door, and he couldn't stop thinking.
Janus had to go back to school in a week. School, with its crowded areas and unvaccinated people and possible removal of masks. The very thought of it makes his heart jump into his throat, dizzy with terror.
What if one of them had covid, and we just didn't have any symptoms, what if the vaccine doesn't work against the variant, fuck, he's going to get it, maybe he already has it, he's going to die he's going to die he can't breathe-
He suddenly had the image of his own funeral in his head, his boyfriend and his friends and his brother at his own funeral, crying softly and holding each other. He envisioned himself in the afterlife, waiting for them, watching Remus suffer alone because he wasn't there-
And that horrifying image in his head is what turned his soft crying into desperate sobs, shaking and pulling his hair so tight it stung. 
And that's also when he finally registered the frantic knocking on the door, how long has that been going on? and Remus's panicked voice coming from the other side.
"Jan? Baby, I can hear you crying, fuck, are you hurt? If you want me to fuck off, tell me, but- Oh, Jay, please answer, even a knock, just let me know if you're alright-"
Janus reached with trembling hands to unlock the door, even as his mind went no don't he could be sick, and he quickly moved away from the door a little so Remus wouldn't smack him in the face with the door when he came bursting in.
And burst in he did. In a flurry of motion, Remus quickly came in and shut the door behind him, then sat on the floor with panicked, worried eyes looking at Janus.
"Janus? Can you- fuck, I'm not good at this- can I touch you?"
Somewhere, in the back behind the panic, Janus found his stumbling endearing.
Janus debated for half a second, social distance 6 feet apart you'll die you'll die you'll die, before crumbling to his desire to be held.
"Pl- Please, hold me, I- I can't-" Janus's voice came out absolutely pathetic, broken up in sobs and small and trembling, but Remus paid it no mind. He quickly scooped up Janus in his arms, and Janus held onto him for dear life, like he'll be swept away if he doesn't. He cries so hard he's almost heaving, shaking like a leaf in Remus's strong, tattooed arms.
Oh, Remus, make it go away, He thought, and then cried harder because what a childish thing to think.
"Shh, shh, you're alright, I've got you. Can you breathe with me, darling? In and out, you're okay," Remus's voice was calm and soothing, the panic deliberately gone from his voice, probably to not make him feel worse. He breathed in deeply, over exaggerating his breaths so that Janus could follow along.
Janus tried to follow the rhythm, hiccupping through his tears. He stumbled a few times, and it took a bit, but he eventually was able to settle his breathing. His tears had started to slow, and he suddenly felt overwhelmingly childish. 
He just had a breakdown over something so stupid. It's not like he's the only one affected by covid, they're in a fucking pandemic, and he has no right to panic when he's not even sick. He's fine. 
Janus and Remus had only been together for a few months, so Remus hadn't seen this side of Janus yet. This was sure to make him leave. Fuck, he's so stupid.
"There you are, baby," Remus crooned with a soothing voice, and Janus flushed despite himself. Remus wiped away one of his lingering tears, his palm cupping Janus's cheek, and Janus leaned into the warmth, suddenly exhausted. He felt boneless and hollowed out inside of Remus's arms, like his limbs were made of lead.
"I'm sorry," Janus croaked, and Remus was shushing him before he could get more words out.
"No, shut up, you're not allowed to apologize for having a panic attack. You have nothing to apologize for." Remus was strong and steady, and Janus opened his eyes that he didn't mean to close. For some reason, he wanted to deny that what just happened was a panic attack. "You're okay, love, we're okay."
Janus gave a small laugh in spite of himself, and Remus huffed, indignant. "What?"
"Nothing, just- you use a l- lot more cutesy nicknames when you're calming me down." Janus noted, and Remus puffed up like a peacock, but he was smiling. 
"Would you rather I use my normal names? J-anus? Two Dicks? Hot ass? Da-"
Janus cut him off with laughter and a smack to the arm, "Shut up, you awful man, that wasn't an invitation-" 
Remus was laughing too, grin blinding. When they both stopped laughing, they just sat there for a while in comfortable silence. Remus traced the vitiligo patches on Janus's back through the clothes (Janus flushed at the fact that Remus just knew where they were) and Janus traced the tattoos on Remus's brown skin.
After several long, quiet moments, Remus's quiet voice broke the silence. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Instantly, Janus went tense, before shaking his head no. He couldn't explain it without sounding stupid, and he didn't want Remus to leave.
Besides, there was nothing Remus could truly say that he hasn't heard before. 
Nothing will make it go away.
Remus nodded, content with not pushing. "Well, I say we move the cuddling to the bed and not the floor, how does that sound?"
Before Janus could respond, Remus just scooped him up, effortlessly in the air. Janus squeaked and held onto Remus before Remus just dumped him down unceremoniously onto the bed, bouncing a little on the springs. 
Remus laid down on his back, and Janus immediately crawled to him and curled up next to him, laying his head on Remus's chest and Remus wrapping an arm around him.
"Nap time," Janus mumbled into Remus's shirt. Janus felt more than heard him chuckle.
"Well, if the king says it's nap time, then I have no choice but to obey." Janus swatted at him lazily, and he couldn't see it, but he bet Remus grinned. Remus laid a quick kiss to his temple and his heart swelled.
The worry still pricked in the back of Janus's mind. He was sure that later, he was going to freak out over this moment, that the sudden contact made him contract an illness.
But right now, at this moment, he's fine. He's with his boyfriend, and his other friends and his brother are in the house somewhere too, no doubt worried about Janus. They're all vaccinated, healthy, and safe. 
I'm okay, he thought, the thought not panic induced this time, and fell asleep next to Remus, and dreamt of nothing but warmth.
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Text
President Biden confessed in private that he didn't understand Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (D-Ariz.), who helped stymie his biggest legislative dreams, New York Times reporters Jonathan Martin and Alexander Burns write in the first major book about the Biden-Harris administration, coming May 3.
Sneak peek: "One person close to the president likened Biden's perplexity at Sinema to his difficulty grasping his grandchildren's use of ... TikTok. He wanted to relate, but he just didn’t quite get it," the authors write in "This Will Not Pass," about the 2020 election and President Biden's first year.
• In the spring of 2021, "she became the first-ever lawmaker to argue with White House aides when they asked her to wear a face mask in the company of the president, repeatedly asking why that was necessary when she had been vaccinated."
• She also discouraged Biden from coming to Arizona after the president signed the COVID Rescue Plan in 2021.
Biden aides complained that Sinema sounded more like Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) than a Democrat, the book says:
• At a private fundraiser in D.C. with a Republican-heavy group of lobbyists — which hasn't been reported before — she portrayed herself as anti-tax and anti-government.
• She mocked Biden while speaking warmly about House GOP leader Kevin McCarthy, and even defending far-right Rep. Andy Biggs (R-Ariz.), who denied the election results and claimed Antifa had infiltrated the Capitol riot. "I love Andy Biggs," she said. "I know some people think he’s crazy, but that's just because they don’t know him."
• Separately, Sinema told colleagues five or six other Senate Dem moderates were "hiding behind my skirt" as she pushed back on the left.
Between the lines: The title alludes to this period of political tumult not passing with the 2020 election.
• "A big reason we wanted to capture all of 2021 rather than just ending with the campaign aftermath or Jan. 6 is because there's so much more to report about the ongoing strain in both parties," JMart told me.
• "Trumpism on the right is a central theme. But more broadly we wanted to capture how both party establishments are being tested like never before."
On Jan. 6, an enraged Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) telephoned White House counsel Pat Cipollone and told him that if President Trump didn't act more aggressively to denounce the mob "we’ll be asking you for the 25th Amendment" to remove Trump from office.
• In an in-person interview with the authors that afternoon, after they all evacuated from the Senate, Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) expressed optimism that the riot could become a turning point: "People will say, 'I don't want to be associated with that' ... There will be a rallying effect for a while, the country says: We're better than this."
• Graham suggested Biden was the right man for this time: "I mean, how mad can you get at Joe Biden?"
Burns and Martin were represented by Matt Latimer and Keith Urbahn of Javelin.
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gucciwins · 3 years
Text
The Hunt
Luna has won the Halloween Hunt two years in a row and she is going for a third with Harry as her partner, the problem well they don’t really get along. 
Word count: 10,761
A/N: Luna, I hope you love her like I do. She was a joy to write. I’m very excited to share so please come and share your thoughts with me. It really means the world to me. Thank you to Gianna (@hunflowers​) for hosting this wonderful Halloween challenge. I hope you enjoy. (prompt: you’ve got to be kidding me).
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Halloween. 
The one holiday that Luna is excited to take part in with her friends, finding even the tackiest of activities fun and a joy to do. Luna and Caleb went to the pumpkin patch last weekend and spent the day drinking cider and eating cinnamon donuts. The pumpkin carving was a whole other story that ended with one smashed pumpkin and a grumpy Caleb. 
Luna has spent every Halloween with Caleb for as long as she can remember. From first becoming best friends when Luna and her family moved in next door to Caleb at the age of six to now, age twenty-one going on four years of living together. Much to their parents' disappointment, sparks never did fly for them. Not that Luna ever thought there would be; Caleb just didn't do it for her no matter how handsome he was.  
This Halloween, just like previous ones, they were going as a pair. Their first Halloween at age six, they went as Power Rangers, Luna the yellow and Caleb the blue. It was their most memorable one and has the picture hanging in their living room for reminiscing purposes. Last year Caleb decided on Ghostbusters, and they killed it. Being university students means low money in their bank account, so they went thrift shopping a lot that year. 
Halloween 2020, it is her turn to pick. Luna decided they would be going as Princess Buttercup and Westley from The Princess Bride. 
A true classic that will forever live on, yes, it may be a romantical pairing, but Luna has begged for this for years, and now is their time to shine. She pulled extra shifts at the tattoo parlor she works at as receptionist to get authentic costumes—the red dress of dreams. 
It's Saturday night, there is a Blue moon, and it's Halloween. 
It is time for their third annual Halloween Hunt, where her group of friends pair up and set off to find clues to win the grand prize of a crown, some cash, and bragging rights for a whole year. Luna has won it the last two years with Caleb on her side, and she is ready to do it again. 
Luna stares at herself in the mirror. The gown is elegant and rich with details. The long red, billowy sleeves with a fathered cuff. A high neckline and falls into a loose, pleated skirt. The dress is tied off at the waist with a gold pattern belt. And to top it all off, the beaded crown on her brown curls. The color of her hair the only inaccuracy of the costume. The crown shines more she feels with her darker hair than the original Buttercup. 
Her makeup is minimal, only having used mascara for her long eyelashes she likes having curled. It makes her brown eyes that much nicer to gaze at. 
She grabs her wallet and keys that she will be leaving with Caleb as his look was blessed with pockets, and she does not want to stick anything down her bra for the entire night. She takes the stairs two floors down as they meet at Mitch and Oliver's apartment, who happen to live in the same complex.
To start the hunt, the host will let everyone get into partners before dispersing the first clue, and the first couple to make it to the final location at midnight will be crowned the winners. 
They really are in for a fun night. 
___
Walking in, she sees the apartment somewhat decorated, not much, purple string lights hanging over the large tv they have. Small orange pumpkins scattered around the room. The excessive amount of fake spider web in every corner of the house. Mitch has always said, why to decorate if you're going to be the one cleaning it up. Oliver did not think the same way; she imagines his room looks like the inside of Spirit Halloween. 
Mitch greets her with a drink. It's water. He smiles at her costume before wandering off. She sips the cold water, never one to drink on such an important night. Also, she's wary about drinking growing up; her dad made her start driving at the age of fifteen because he liked drinking when they went over to her uncle's house on the weekends. He wasn't an alcoholic, but he did drink too often, and instead of putting her and her brother at risk, he taught her to drive. This is why now, she will instead be the designated driver than the one having the drinks. Tonight, she needs a clear head to win.
Luna moves past the kitchen, eyes searching for Caleb in his black outfit and mask, but she stops dead in her tracks once she meets his gaze.
 It's a shock.
Caleb is dressed in slim black pants, a white dress shirt, a messy done blue tie, an unbuttoned black blazer, and completing his look is the signature beige blazer. He looks incredible, but not at all how he was supposed to. He winces when he sees the expression on her face. 
She’s upset. He didn't even warn her. Not a single text or call.
There has never been a reason to break tradition, but here they are doing just that. 
"They asked me to host," Caleb says as he steps toward her. Luna manages a nod. She changes her direction and goes across the room to sit alone on the windowsill, leading to a small flower patio. Caleb looks like he wants to head over, but she knows her well enough; it's best to leave her alone. 
As Luna gets lost in thought, she doesn't acknowledge that everyone else has slowly arrived, the chatter getting louder. She also is oblivious to the lingering eyes on her. If she had looked up, she would have met Harry's concerned gaze.
"Hello friends, thank you for gathering with us here on this day of spooks and horror." Caleb stands on the study coffee table to get everyone's attention on him. "This year, you may not pick your partner. No, there will be random draws." 
"Let's hope this makes Luna lose this year," Oliver shouts, getting lots of cheers in response. 
Luna rolls her eyes at the banter but lets a smile overtake her face because she knows no matter who her partner may end up being, she will be a winner.
Caleb announces how only five of them will pick a name and how it has been decided it will be Mitch, Daniel, Charlotte, Abby, and Luna, who will draw a name. 
She is third to pick a slip, not opening it up until the last two receive theirs. She doesn't focus on the others as they begin to search for their partners because Caleb is shuffling over to her looking sheepish. 
He pulls her in and wraps his arms around her, giving her a big squeeze. Long and hard enough to leave her out of breath. A sloppy kiss on her cheeks, she is quick to wipe away on his coat, not at all wanting to dirty her dress, at least not yet. 
Those hazel eyes are hard to stay mad at, and he knows it. Luna can count all the fights they've had on one hand.
"Whatever, you owe me." She bumps his shoulder. 
He nods, quick to agree. "Name your price."
Luna opens up the folded slip of paper. 
Harry 
"A new partner." She whispers, not looking up, hoping if she stares long enough, the name will change. 
Caleb leans in and smirks at the name. "That I can't do. You know the rules." 
She furrowed her eyebrows. "There were no rules until today."
Caleb laughs. "Everyone partner up if you haven't already."
Mitch is already chatting with Oliver, and she knows they will give her a run for her money. These two get on so well, but their weakness is that when Mitch gets a lead, he forgets to address it to his partner most of the time, leaving them separated and lost. 
Justine is with Abby, and honestly, she has no worry over them. Abby is a hard person to partner up with, always wanting to lead even when she has no clue what is going on. 
Calvin is with Daniel, and honestly, she knows they are not competition. Calvin told her the clues confused him. 
Mason and Charlotte, she was hoping to partner with Charlotte. That being her closest friend right behind Caleb. She's a music major, meaning their time together is always a joy. Luna singing a random song and Char telling her random facts she knows about the said song. Luna is not sure how good Charlotte and Mason get on, but only time will tell. 
As she sees everyone paired up, she scans the room for Harry. She doesn't spot him, but she does see Pirate Roberts, better known as Westley, her other half. He's wearing a black shirt that has a lace-up front with a matching pair of pants. The mask and headscarf add a touch of mystery, while the sash and gloves put the finishing touch to the look. As much as she hates to admit it, he looks good. 
"You've got to be kidding me." She says, looking him up and down in disgust. 
Harry scoffs, now standing in front of her. "Guess that means I'm stuck with you."
"Yeah, you can lose the mask now."
"No, I don't think so. Makes my eyes pop." He bats his eyelashes at her. 
She ignores him, moving on to an important question. "Who were you supposed to dress with?" 
"Charlotte." His stupidly, charming English accent responds. "She asked me last week, then told me she was doing Ghostbusters with Mason. Her costume is done too nicely to be done last minute."
This is a setup. 
She knows because Charlotte helped her alter the dress's length so that it didn't drag on the floor as she walked, and in return, Luna helped sew Venkman on her suit. 
The only question is, why would they want her matching with Harry if they don't get on well at all, not even a little bit. Every interaction leaves with one of them storming off, not to brag, but it seems to always be Harry. 
"Well, at least you were warned. Caleb didn't even tell me." She shares. "Had me walk in to see him dressed as an angel." 
"Castiel, right?" Harry says, a bit uncertain.
Luna nods, surprised he knows, thinking this might be their one connection to break the ice. "He posted on his story who he was dressed as." She spoke too soon. 
"You're saying you don't know Supernatural." 
"No, sorry." He says, not sounding apologetic. 
Luna shoots him a fake smile before looking away. "He can't be my partner; it's a disrespect to my morals." 
Her only response is laughter. She wasn't joking. 
"You know the rules, baby," Charlotte says, arms around Mason's waist. Luna narrows her eyes at that, mentally reminding herself to check in with Char about that. 
How had she won two years without knowing any rules? 
"Well, I'll still kick all your asses with Dobby on my team." When meeting Harry's eyes again, she smirks, his face shocked, not sure if she was insulting him. 
"Right, do not mess up our chances of winning." Her voice was deep and threatening. At least she hoped that's how it sounded. 
"I would never" Harry looks down at her with a smirk on his pink lips. "But I need motivation, so what's in it for me." 
Instead of responding with half of the money because that much was obvious, what else would he want? She looks him in the eyes. "I'll kiss you if we win," Luna tells him sarcastically, and before Harry has a chance to respond, Caleb is walking over, handing them their first clue of seven. 
Head to the place no one ever cleans
Harry scratches his head. "That's confusing."
"It's the bathroom. Specifically, the toilet." She hands the clue for Harry to put away, making her way there. 
"You sure?" 
Luna doesn't bother replying, pushing first to the bathroom, wanting to get a move on. It's going to be a long night if he keeps questioning her. 
Harry opens the door and jumps back, he's startled at the sight in front of him, but Luna nudges him aside to take a look and is left impressed.
There is fake blood on the mirror, "You're next" written sloppily. What startled Harry was the body bag in the tub, bloody transparent curtains hanged to make it seem like a messy murder. 
"There's not a body, right?" A slight tremble in his voice. 
"Of course not. No one is a fan of jump scares her." She eyes his face. "Especially you." 
Luna picks up the skull sitting on top of the toilet tank, and taped underneath is the second clue. 
"That was too easy," Harry tells her, already heading out of the apartment, not waiting for her to read the clue knowing this one will lead them outside. 
You may sit, you may stand, you may push, but one must never jump.
"Who even made these?" Harry scoffs. "It's awful." 
She chuckles, agreeing because they do stink. "Caleb. The host has to do them all for each group. Talk with owners of shops and all. It's a long process." Luna explains to Harry as she reads the clue once more. "I'm surprised I never noticed how busy he was the entire month." 
"It's what happens when you're self-absorbed." He mutters. 
"Ouch." She feigns hurt, hands over her heart. 
Harry rolls his eyes, not wanting to deal with her any longer than he has to. He has no clue what that clue is pointing to. He looks over at Luna, who has gone quiet.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Harry exclaims.
"Where is the headscarf? You're messing up the look." She pouts, and Harry would never admit it, at least to her, but she looks adorable. 
"I took it off. It messes up my hair."
Luna stares at his hair. "Looks as messy as always.'
He gasps. "It looks fantastic, trying this new serum to make it shine."
"Sorry to break it to you, but I don't think it is working." She scrunches up her face in disgust. 
"Well, your shoes don't match." He yells. 
She looks down at her Molly metallic leather platform boots that give her five-four self extra height. "My boots are badass. Buttercup still kicks ass in these." She twirls and begins walking away from him. 
"Luna, for fuck sake, where are you going." Harry rushes after her. 
"We've got a hunt to win." 
For someone of her stature, she sure has a fast pace. It seems as if she never slows down, effortlessly moving around pedestrians. All while Harry mumbles apologies as he trips over a person's shoe. 
"The clue." He clears his voice. "How'd you crack it." 
"Easy after a few reads. It's the swings at the local park." 
Harry nods. "That doesn't explain how you knew." 
"Caleb uses things in his life, and if you know him well enough, you can crack it. He's an open book, one talk with him and you'll know his grandparents' name and phone number. He loves sharing everything." Harry motions for her to continue, all while keeping her fast pace, leaving him a little wounded. "As kids, our parents' one rule at the park was that we could never jump off the swings all because one time Caleb and I were going so high I jumped and almost flew past the sand pile and landed on the concrete. No one broke a bone, but we could have." 
"You and Caleb must have given your parents a hard time." 
"Not really, we were angels." 
"Hard to believe." 
She kisses her two fingers before placing it over her heart. "Scout's honor." 
"You were in the girl's scout." 
"Well, aren't you nosy Miss Rosy." She rolls her eyes. "The town didn't have the girl's scout, so when Caleb joined, I made a presentation for Ulysses. He was the man in charge, and I impressed him. He accepted, and no one questioned me."
"Impressive," Harrys tells her, genuinely meaning it. 
"Now shut up, Styles. You have too much information, might have to go kill you or something if these things get out." 
"And here I thought we were becoming friends." 
"Nope, let's keep it that way." 
Harry shuts up, letting the chatter of late-night stragglers fill in the silence. Luna is stopped by a girl their age looking for directions to a party. She is happy to help, giving the girl extra detail to make sure she doesn't get lost. She goes as far as giving the girl her phone number to know she made it there safely. 
Luna is an enigma. 
"I thought you hated all humans, but I see I was wrong." 
Harry is such a jerk that she doesn't bother responding. No, she does something much better. She stops walking, sticking her foot out, knowing how oblivious Harry is. He trips, almost falling to his face, but to some miracle, he manages to right himself without a scratch. 
He adjusts his mask, brushing off the dirt he acquired at the bottom of his pants. "Well, that was mean.
"I thought it was rather kind, knock you off your pedestal." She grins at him, walking away again. 
Harry mutters something under his breath, making sure she isn't able to hear him. 
Luna decides to bring back the conversation of what started their night, his costume. "Why are you even Westley? You don't have the blonde hair for it."
Harry scoffs. "Says the girl with the brown locks of hair."
"The wig was itchy, besides my natural hair is pretty." Her hair is excellent, and she knows it. It's mid-waist, and she does hair therapy to keep it healthy. After Caleb's sister-in-law introduced her to natural hair products, a significant improvement. It added a shine she never had before. She is always paid lots of compliments on her hair. It's enchanting. 
Harry looks at her before staying quiet. He kicks a rock as he walks. "Blondes are overrated."
Luna ducks her head, letting her hair frame a curtain around her face wanting to hide the blush he managed to get out of her. 
Finally, reaching the park entrance, the swings a distance away. They stop, neither of them making a move follow the path.   
"You could just stay here, and I'll text you when I'm done," Luna tells him. 
Harry is quick to rebut, "I'm smart, I can help." 
"I didn't say you aren't smart. It's just I know you don't like me, so why spend the time with me?" 
That's far from the truth, Harry thinks to himself but doesn't deny it. "Together, we're winning this together." He gives her no room for argument walking to the swings. 
Luna nods to herself; she's going to be okay. Maybe the night will start to get better. 
Harry is opening up the clue as she approaches, and he holds it out further, allowing her to read it.
You walk by me, never give me a second glance. Now tonight, I dare you to give me a chance.
"That doesn't sound great," Harry confesses. 
"You alright, with a bit of darkness?" 
Harry nods his head, yes, but he has no idea what's coming next. 
___
Standing in front of the house, Luna feels a chill run up her spine. It's not like she's never seen this house because she had. She grew up in the town and walked past the lonely house that wasted away day by day as she made her way to school.
"This place is creepy," Harry mumbles, standing next to her.
The grass is brown and unkempt; dried leaves scatter the path to the home's stairs, a crunch under their feet as they approach. She walks slow, counting her steps, and at unlucky thirteen, they reach the first broken step. The wood looked as if someone took a hammer to it, having random holes done. The windows are filled with spider webs and dust, no way to look in. The door was red and had scratches. As if someone small had clawed to be let in.
"Sure you want to go in, Luna." Harry looks at the door in fright. "You can admit you got the wrong location. You can't always be right."
"Look, Styles, I know I'm right."
Harry begins to sweep around to make sure no one is watching them break into an old abandoned house. She leans against the rotting wood, there's a chance she might fall through, but she's always up for the risk. In doing so, she shuts her eyes for a second, and a memory pops in her head; it causes her to let out a chuckle, startling Harry. He whips around to shout at her, but the smile on Luna's face makes him stop. He's never been privileged to a smile so intimate.
Before Harry can even ask her what's got her smiling, she is already talking.
"Caleb and I had our first kiss on these steps." Luna's eyes shift down as if the memory begins to play in front of her."
"With each other?" Harry asks, wanting confirmation.
"Yes, Caleb swore he was in love with me in the sixth grade, and I told him he was insane. The feelings were not mutual." She assures, wanting to get her point across. "We were walking home from school one day, and I, as the brains of the duo, told him we had to check out the house. I swore we had our own Boo Radley after reading To Kill A Mockingbird. He was going on and on about how he swore his love for me." She turned to look at Harry. "I looked at him, put my hands on his shoulders, and put my lips to his. He stood there shocked, and once I pulled back, he grinned." Luna deepens her voice. "So, I don't love you like that."
Harry chuckles, enjoying the story. She's not even sure why she began to tell him. "I was like yeah, you idiot, I see you as a brother. My mom could not stop laughing when I told her. My dad not so much." She stood up straight, took three steps to the door, grabbed the rusted doorknob, and it twisted open. There was a loud creak as she pushed.
"In we go, Farm Boy."
Harry shakes his head, mutters "As you wish." He hopes she missed that.
He steps in; first, his eyes quickly sweeping around the house, a doorway to a living room, another leading to what he assumes would be the dining room, and right in front of them a spiral staircase leading to the second floor where they might venture to if they don't find the clue in the main rooms.
"Right, together," Harry tells her.
"Awe, don't be scared, Styles. I'll protect you." She reaches out to pink his cheek.
He swats her hand away. "You'll be the one needing it."
"Don't count on you being my savior then?"
"Not ever, Buttercup."
They walk the first floor and find nothing. It's quite dull, nothing that stands out of place. Nothing haunting, really. A bit of a disappointment. They approach the stair and see footprints. This must be the correct way. She lets Harry lead. Once at the top, they see footprints are leading left and right. Harry nods left, so she assumes he means she has to go right.
It was not what he meant.
As Luna makes her way to the door at the end of the hall, she turns to see Harry entering the first room. She should turn back and go with him. She thinks about it for a second and decides it's best not and continues on.
Luna enters the boy's room. There is a race car bed, with white drawers full of stickers on either side. Everything is dusty, can feel the twitch in her nose. She approaches the bed when a paper catches her eyes on the corner of the dresser filled with different kinds of dinosaurs. It is their clue. It reads
If you wish to find me, you must go to the place where the choice of sweets is never-ending.
Luna smiles gratefully to have found it. She'll figure it out with Harry, she decides. The quicker she is out of the house, the better. As she folds the clue, she hears the door slam shut. It makes Luna jump. 
She approaches the door and twists the knob, but nothing happens. Luna keeps pulling and nothing; she's slowly but surely beginning to freaking out. 
Maybe Harry was playing a joke on her. That had to be it. 
"If you think this is a good prank, you're wrong." She yells, eager to hear his deep laugh before opening the door. But instead, she is met with silence. 
"Styles, open the door." Her voice firm, anger slowly taking over." Still nothing. "Haha, you've had your laugh; let me out." 
The panic is beginning to set. Harry didn't lock her in; he's on the other side of the house. 
"Harry?" She whimpers.
Meanwhile, Harry, no clue in hand, stands at the top of the stairs staring at a mirror frowning at himself. He looked for Luna, but it's as if she disappeared. He has come to the conclusion that she has finally left him. 
Luna, not sure what else to do, begins to scream his name. The tears streaming down her face in panic. She just wants out. That's all she wants. 
She pounds on the door, her throat hurting from the loud screams she's let out. The tears making it hard to keep on going; with one final knock, she lets herself slide to the floor.
Harry was about to descend the stairs when he hears a pounding on a door. It gives him chills; as much as it frightens him to go check it out, he has a gut feeling he has to. He goes right, the original way Luna went, and makes his way to the closed door. He takes a deep breath before turning the knob. 
Nothing happens. 
He takes a step back before pushing all his weight into the door, causing it to fly open. Harry scans the room quickly but sees nothing until he looks down and sees Luna hugging her knees.
Harry is quick to react. He's on his knees in front of her. "Luna, love, it's me, Harry. You're okay." 
She slowly lifts her head. "Harry." She croaks.
"Yes, it's me."
The tears begin once more. "The door was jammed. I was calling for you." She throws her arms around him wanting to be close, needing comfort even if he may not want to give it. 
"Thought you left me once you got the clue." He confesses as he runs his hand through her hair, he might have always wanted to do it, but not like this, never like this. 
"I'm not that mean, am I?" She looks up at him through her long thick eyelashes. A tear runs down her cheek.
He brings his hand up and gently wipes it away. "No, you're sweet and sassy and perfectly you. Not mean. Ya, hear me."
Luna nods. 
"Let's get out of here, okay. We need to figure out the clue now. Can't do it without your brains." He smiles at her dimples on display.
Luna smiles, he helps her out, and they walk out, Harry guiding her with a firm hand on her waist.
Once outside, the cold autumn wind hits them, and it's like Luna can finally breathe again. Harry guides them all the way to the sidewalk, where she hands him the clue. 
If you wish to find me, you must go to the place where the choice of sweets is never-ending.
"Sweets? There's a candy store, right?" Harry isn't sure, remembering seeing one. 
"It's named Annie's Sweets. Two streets from the library." 
"Well, lead the way, Buttercup." Harry links their hands together and begins walking forward is surprisingly the right direction. Luna stares down at their intertwined fingers, and it feels nice. 
Maybe, she's just a little touch starved. 
Luna is quiet, trying to think of anything but that moment she had in that house. She's going to give Caleb a lot of shit for that one. 
As they walk, Luna notices their hands are still together before pulling away. "Sorry." 
Harry shrugs. "Don't mind."
Luna frowns and looks straight ahead as they walk; he's confusing. Why is Harry acting sweet? A little too sweet. She intertwines her hands together in the front wanting the feeling of his hand in hers to disappear. 
"Are you going to tell the others about my crying? I get it if you do. Good story to get a laugh at me." She mumbles the last words. 
Harry grabs her arm, stopping her. She slowly raises her head to meet his eyes through the eye mask. His green eyes soft but filled with an emotion, she can't place. "I would never, what happened was not a laughing matter, this, all this tonight will stay between us, you good with that." 
Luna nods.
Harry clicks his tongue. "Verbal response." 
Her brown eyes go wide. "Yes, I'm good with that." 
Luna can't hide her surprise, and she knows Harry can see that. He's never acted so kind to her. It's a bit weird, but it beats the back and forth remarks. She's also sick of this façade of disliking him. It's exhausting now that she thinks about it. The banter is fun, but it always ends when it gets taken too far.  
"Harry, I know you hate me for some reason," She clears her throat before continuing. "But it's exhausting all the arguing. I'm great at it, but we've been at it for the two years we've known each other. You can keep hating me and not talking to me. I'm used to people not liking me. You won't be any different. We can co-exist in the same group."  
Harry scoffs, "You still don't get it."
She frowns. Get what? "You never gave us the chance to be friends. I'm giving you the chance to cut all ties while staying in the friend group." It's the most straightforward plan. It's honestly perfect.
"Luna, stop." 
She continues on. "Harry, seriously, you make me miserable, and I make-" He turns around, causing her to almost crash into him. 
"I like you." Luna knows the surprise is written all over her face. Harry's face is serious, no dimples insight and all his emerald eyes tell her is that he is full of frustration. "I like how beautiful and kind you are. How you don't let anyone walk over you and how you always manage to be the smartest person in any room."  
"Oh."
Harry likes her. Her. He likes her, and this was his way of interacting with her. He said she's smart, but honestly, nothing is making sense. She's confused; how does she feel? How long has he felt like this? Has it been since they were first introduced? 
Harry stands there staring at her, trying to see her give him any reaction, but all he gets is a blank stare. He clicks his tongue. "Alright." He turns on his heel and begins walking again.
Luna stares at him, walking away before shaking herself out of her thoughts and hurrying after him.
___
It's silent.
The quietest it's been all night, and she doesn't like it, but she's also not ready to address the bomb he dropped on her. 
At the start of the night, Luna believed he hated her. That he had hated her for the longest time only to find out he actually liked her. There is no way she'll bring it up, at least not yet. 
She cuts the tension in the way she knows best. 
"You could have at least grown the stache." He looks over at her, confused, not sure about what she just said or how she is brushing aside what he said. "The mustache adds to the character, and well, you don't have it."
Harry gasps. "I like my smooth face." She lets out the breath she was holding, thankful he went along. 
"Is that your way of saying you can't grow facial hair?"
"I can." 
She shrugs and nods. "Sure, Jan."
Harry is about to go off on her, but Luna runs ahead to the candy store entrance, walking in and letting the door shut behind her. 
He walks in after seeing that the store closes in twenty minutes; he finds Luna chatting with the cashier. He recognizes her as a girl he had in his intro to Psychology. She dropped out eight weeks in. He remembers because he lent her notes once and she had left coffee stains on them. As he reads on her name tag, the girl- Amy- was kind enough to pay him five dollars. Both girls don't acknowledge him, more into the conversation of Luna's costume and how pretty she looks in a crown. If Harry didn't know any better, he'd think Amy was flirting with her. Harry smirks but doesn't say anything waving at the girl before filling himself a bag of candy; he deserves it after all. 
"Amy was telling me Caleb came in a few days ago. Asked her on a date and they'll be going out next week. She thinks he's a proper cutie. Did you know her?" Luna tells him as she grabs the small tweezers to get a few sour gummy worms.
"Had her for a class first year, but she dropped out." Harry is focused on getting a few cherry sours in his bag. 
"Psychology. She was going through a rough time when she did it. Not that she ever needed the course. She's a theatre major now." 
"How do you know her?" He really is curious now, as she talks about her with familiarity. 
She drops a few Swedish Fish in the bag, sneaking one in her mouth, chewing it before moving along to add Tim Tams; he's never known for a candy store to have those. Then again, he's never been in this one. "She's my cousin. A year younger than us." 
"Why hadn't Caleb met her then if you've been friends for so long?" 
"God, you're a curious one, aren't you." She closes her bag and follows Harry as he fills his. He's going for Red Vines, nice and easy to snack on; Luna likes those only for movie nights for some bizarre reason she doesn't know. "I'm a protector of hearts. Amy is the sweetest person you'll ever meet, a real-life princess. Amy has been the sunshine in my life since she was born. I know Caleb, and he's going to fall in love with her, mark my words. I think they are a perfect match, but I also know not to meddle, which is why I wanted them to meet on their own." 
Harry smiles down at her. "Didn't know you could be so sweet, Buttercup." 
"Only to very few people." 
Luna places her bag on the scale, but her eyes go wide as she meets Amy's across the counter, realizing she doesn't have any money on her. Before she can even think about asking Harry, Amy saves the day. "Both your bags are covered. He knew whoever got this clue would most likely be buying, so he took care of it, more than enough actually." 
Luna rolls her head to look at Harry. "He's too kind." 
"What did the clue say?" Amy asks curiously. 
Harry and Luna's eyes go wide simultaneously. "Shit." He whispers before whipping out the slip of paper that led them there. "It says If you wish to find me, you must go to the place where the choice of sweets is never-ending." 
"The Pucker Powder!" Luna shouts, rushing over to the middle of the store where the machine of different flavors of powdered candy stands. There the clue is, under watermelon, Caleb's favorite. "I got it, Westley." 
Harry makes his way over to her waiting for her to read it, but Luna gestures for Amy to come listen as well, and she happily skips over. That's when Harry notices her costume; she's dressed in relaxed fitted jeans, a plain black t-shirt, and a faded brown leather jacket with leather boots. A charm hanging from her neck. "What are you dressed as?" He's confused. 
"Dean Winchester." She answers cheerfully. 
Luna feels Harry turn to look at her waiting for an explanation. "She's paired up with Caleb, He's Castiel, and she's Dean and together they are ‘Destiel’. A long-loved ship in the fandom of Supernatural.
He smiles. "You look great." 
"Don't worry, Ames, the reason we aren't friends, is that he doesn't watch." 
"It's not for everyone, Luna," Amy tells her before nudging her to read the clue. 
You swim to the bottom to find the other side but never come back up.
"Sound like the lake," Harry suggests. “Only source of water here.”
Luna nods, agreeing with him, as they head to the door. She stops, suddenly remembering something. "Do you need us to walk you home? You know how I feel about anyone walking out alone, especially tonight."
Amy blushes, looking down. "Caleb offered to walk me home, you know it's close by, and it's still a while until midnight." 
"Say no more, sweets." Luna leaves and follows behind Harry, as he now leads the way. 
___
It's a half-mile away, not too far but enough to have them silent for a while as they set a steady pace. 
Harry quite likes conversing with Luna and decides to ask her a question that's been on his mind since he saw her back at the apartment. 
"Why this costume, why Buttercup?"
Luna runs her hands down the front of the material, feeling the softness against her hands. "It was my favorite growing up. Still is, honestly. It's a nice story that gives you a bit of everything, romance, friendship, and adventure. Each character was on an adventure, and it brought them all together. Also, because I'd read it to Caleb during lunch breaks, we didn't feel like playing with others. I'd read because he had dyslexia and he grew a distaste for reading." Luna smiles fondly, thinking back to those simpler times. 
"I watched the movie for the first time last year." 
"Did you like it?" Her voice was full of curiosity. 
"Loved it." He tells her. 
She smiles, his answer filling her with joy. "Favorite part?" 
He hums, thinking it over for a second. "When she pushes him down the hill and finds out he's actually Westley." 
"Because he yells as you wish, rolling down." She grabs his arm in excitement, finishing the scene for him. 
Luna realizes what she's doing, and quickly let's go, muttering a small apology. "You're a romantic, Farm Boy."
"Not the first person who's told me." 
The walk to Orchid Lake continues in silence. A comfortable one, each one lost in their own head. Luna keeps playing one moment in her head, the moment Harry confessed his fondness of her, but it doesn't make sense. She replays every one of their interactions, and there is not one moment that stands out to her that proves he likes her. Harry introduced himself the first time but never once pursued a friendship or anything more. Luna is so lost in thought she doesn't realize they've arrived as she bumps into Harry's back as he stopped at the entrance. 
She walks ahead, and instead of walking to the trail in front of them, she goes right and takes a seat on the bench, it's a bit wet due to the mist filling the air, but she doesn't mind. 
"Uh, it's this way." Harry points, wanting to get a move on. 
Luna makes no moves to stand. She runs a hand down her face before letting it drop to her lap. "How is it that you hate, and you like me?" The question slips out before she can stop herself. 
Harry sighs, knowing the conversation is happening now. "Don't hate you." Harry is now standing in front of her, mask in his hand, wanting her to really look at him. "But, you hate me." 
Luna shakes her head, no. She's never hated anyone, she might have disliked Harry at one point, but honestly, they might have just misjudged each other. Harry gives her a look, one that tells her to be honest. 
"Okay, I didn't like you, but can you blame me?" 
"No, I understand completely." Luna stares at him, her eyes now locked with his.  
Harry lets out a deep breath. "I think you're an amazing person. You're kind and smart. Always volunteering to help others. You help set up study sessions for everyone." Luna keeps her eyes on him, not giving him a single expression. "Was mad you didn't treat me that way when we first met." He confesses. 
She nods, letting it sink it. "I've always included you, never not invited you." 
"I mean, you didn't try to get to know me." 
"Harry, I did when we first met." Luna is sure of this. 
"No, I would remember." He exclaims. 
"I'm not that memorable to you, it seems." She rolls her eyes. "Let me paint the picture for you. We are all hanging out in Mitch's apartment when you arrive a little later than the rest of us. A girl is hanging off your arm, not an inch of space between you. Kiersten, does that name ring a bell, Styles?" Luna knows it does. It's his ex, the only one she knows of. "She was rude to me the first time we met, when we were introduced to each other. You stood there and let her do that. Insulted me, and I was fuming. Mitch said you were a kind person and to give you a chance but letting someone treat someone else badly right in front of you, I wasn't so sure." 
Harry stays silent, letting her go on. "The second time we met, she made fun of Charlotte's outfit, and you just sat there. Char cried in the bathroom and then headed home for the night. From then on, I was neutral with you, not giving you anything to move forward on. The last straw was when it was Friday movie night in my apartment, and she tells you it's lame seeing movies together and that the apartment was trashy. You stood there, nodding along, and as soon as I saw you alone for a second, I let you know we wouldn't be friends because you were different than I expected.” Luna tries to calm her breathing, no point in losing control over the past. She's let it go, well, some of it. 
"She was bad. I broke up with her that night." 
"That's not the point. Even in doing that, you didn't apologize, but you did already decide on how you were going to keep treating me." 
Harry has no right answer because he was wrong. He messed up. "I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry, and I'm sorry my apology is so late, but you do deserve it. No one should ever put up with someone else's crap, Luna." 
"Thank you, I appreciate that."
"Honestly, I feel terrible. I think I did it because you didn't treat me like the others and-" Harry stops. 
"Yet you never questioned why. You just acted, and well, I reacted." 
Harry sighs, upset that they could have been friends by now, heck even something more maybe. 
"Wait, Harry." 
"Yes, Luna." 
"What was your' and'?" She stands up, not sure what it could be. 
"Uh, I was going to have a conversation with you to see why you never talked to me and had worked up the courage to also ask you on a date, but I heard you were dating Calvin, so I sort of got jealous and well, yeah." 
"We went on one date." She emphasizes. "No sparks. Who even told you?" 
"Abby." 
"Makes sense; she was jealous that Calvin asked me out. Seeing as he never once flirted with her. We're civil, but deep down, she doesn't like me." Luna isn't sure what went wrong with that friendship. 
They both let out deep breaths, thankful to have everything out in the open now, nothing hidden. A step forward. 
"I'm not that person," Harry tells her, needing her to know.
She smiles at him. "I know. You proved that today." 
"I hope I haven't offended you with my remarks." His smile was sheepish. 
"You haven't." 
"Luna," Harry chastises. 
"Okay, you have, but we can move past because it turns out you're actually really nice." She lowers her voice to a whisper. "And cause you like me." 
Harry blushes, his cheeks now a rosy red and not from the cold weather. "I plead the fifth." 
"Harry," She teases. 
"Lips sealed."
"Doesn't work if you confessed earlier." She reminds him.
Harry chooses to ignore her. Letting her words fall silent on him. "I know we have to get going, but can I do one thing before we do."
Luna nods, not sure what he wants to do. Harry takes a step forward until he is standing right in front of her. He pulls her in for a hug, his arms around her waist. She slowly raises her hands, being as gentle as she can about it. Their height difference makes her smile; her head reaches just under his chin. She hated it before, but now, in his arms, it's actually quite lovely. He's warm and not as firm as she thought he would be; it's like she's hugging a big teddy bear. 
Harry leans back, looking down at her, a shy smile on her face. His eyes flicker to her lips and back to her eyes, leaning in for a moment before stepping back. He clears his throat. "To the lake, Buttercup."
___
There's no fear as she walks to the bridge where the clue should be. It's dark, not much light guiding them besides the moon. Harry wanted to turn on his flashlight, but Luna knows it's best not to disturb their eyes with such a harsh light. 
Luna knows this path like the back of her hand. She comes here every morning, sometimes before sunrise, either for a run or walk but in the summertime, she'll even go in for a swim. The lake is well cared for by the community. There is just one house in the back of the property, and the old couple living there love the visitors. They teamed up with the university to set up students to be tour guides, and it's an excellent part-time job. There's a lot of good here. 
She's sure the clue is on the bridge because one time, Caleb got Luna so mad that she shoved him in. She can't even remember why she was angry, but Caleb surely does. She would bet her life on it. 
It's a wooden bridge, a bit old as it creaks under each step taken. It's low, as it sits on the side of the lake, four feet deep at most. She takes a lookout at the lake, the water showing a beautiful reflection of the bright full moon above their heads. 
Luna picks the paper taking a step closer to Harry so that they can read it together. 
"I was the embodiment of every writer's worst fear: A cliche."
"That's a book quote." Luna recognizes it, but not a single book comes to mind. "Let's head to the bookstore. It's fifteen minutes from here, but we can make it in ten." 
Harry lets her lead. They know time is counting down, not once having stopped to look at the time. Harry feels they might be falling behind with all the stops in between the clues, but he knows better than voice out his worries. 
"Do you recognize the quote?" Luna asks Harry to hand it over to him." 
Harry reads it over twice. "No." 
"I know it, but I can't figure out where. I've read one too many books." She crosses her arms across her chest in frustration. 
"Maybe it's one that you've read to him," Harry suggests. 
Luna looks up at him as if he just hung up all the stars in her name. "You're right. He set this all up." 
It's one she begged him not to make her read, but he gave her an offer she couldn't resist.
Luna picks up her pace; she's close to running but stops herself from doing so. 
"Wait up, it isn't going to run away." Harry huffs out. He thought he was in shape, but tonight has proved him wrong. It could also very well be the boots. 
"Farm Boy, put those legs to work!" She shouts, not at all looking back at him. She didn't have time for that. 
"I'm tired," Harry groans. "We've walked a lot.” 
"Please, we'll get something to eat after we win." She throws him a smile over her shoulder, and Harry happily returns it. 
"Deal." Luna is surprised at how quick he was to recover now next to her. She would have thought he was okay if it weren't for the deep breaths he was taking. "It can be our first date." 
Luna falters in her step. She recovers just as quickly, hoping Harry did not notice. It seems like he didn't. "Great joke, get serious." It's weird; she's feeling butterflies in her stomach at the prospect of what could be with Harry, a date. It doesn't sound so bad, but it's not her focus. 
Luna misses Harry frowning. He was serious, but he also understands they just came to a truce of sorts less than an hour ago. 
Walking into Read to Dream, the first thing Luna does is scan the clock. There are forty-five minutes until midnight. That is plenty of time to reach the last destination after retrieving the final clue. 
The bookstore is a family-owned place. Mrs. Bennet, the owner, will be sure to pass it down to one of her grandchildren. Seeing as her children didn't take an interest, but dear Clara has. Clara is Mason's younger sister. She recently turned seventeen, meaning she's now allowed to close shop independently, seeing as her grandmother lives right above. 
The bookstore is what everyone likes to call an organized mess. There are many books on shelves in their respected genre and ordered alphabetically. Still, there are also books on chairs that no one ever seems to touch, the books on top of the bookcases that don't fit, and the books in the back that are stacked in rows in a rainbow color because they don't have a specific genre. Luna spent many summer days here, this was her first job at fifteen, wanting to have more liberty and Mrs. Bennet was kind enough to hire her on. From time to time, she comes in to have tea with her or even volunteer her time around. It's one of her happiest places. 
"Hello, tootsie!" Luna bounces over to Clara going around the counter to give her a hug. 
"Lunes, it's great to see you. You look gorgeous. Red is definitely your color." Clara gushes. 
"Thank you, I'd love to chat more, but I'm on the hunt for a book." Luna turns to scan the store as if it would stand out to her.
Clara nods. "That I can help with.”
"Gone Girl"
"Three aisles down, second row." 
Luna quickly thanks her, and Harry follows after her. Harry's stuck on the fact that she seems to know everyone they encounter. He's never seen a person as social and kind as her. 
"You read Gone Girl aloud to him." Harry finally processes the information that was given a few minutes prior. 
"He paid me to." Luna defends.
"How much?" 
"In lunch for an entire semester." Luna finds the book and begins to flip through it knowing it must be stuck in there. 
"Fair." 
"Got it!" Luna cheers. She pulls it out and hands it to Harry. He opens it, and that's when her eyes catch sight of the second piece of paper. This one is pale yellow, meaning it's not a clue and specifically for her. Luna slips it under her sleeve, careful not to have it fall out. 
Evil lurks at midnight. I invite you to join me when they begin to rise.
The cemetery. A chilling place to end the night, but a perfect place to be crowned winners. 
"It's a twenty-minute walk from here," Luna informs Harry, putting the book away and heading to the front. 
"I've never been to the cemetery." Harry decides to tell her. 
"It's not as creepy looking as you would think." 
"Don't believe you," He mutters. 
They say goodbye to Clara and begin the walk to the final spot of the night. 
"Ready to win?" She smiles up at Harry, buzzing with adrenaline, knowing how close they are. 
"Yeah, I am." 
As much as Luna wants to run to the cemetery, she wants to enjoy the last alone time she will have with Harry. She knows they are going to be friends after this. She lets herself fall behind a few steps and pulls out the slip of paper. She unfolds it, and it reads, "You can thank me by making me the man of honor." She blushes, but Caleb might be right, and she honestly hopes he might be. Luna can deny how she feels all she wants, but tonight proved something there, something he saw long before she did. 
Something that had been hiding there for quite some time.  
This could very well be the night that changed it all, the story they tell their grandchildren. That stops her letting out a gasp loud enough to grab Harry's attention. A few hours ago, she couldn't stand him and now is thinking about a future with him, and all Luna wants to know is how she let these feelings grow without really noticing. 
"You alright, Luna?" Harry looks concerned. 
No future talk, not now, at least. First, they will win, and then they both can go from there. 
"Luna, love. Times ticking." Harry teases. 
Luna starts forward once more, not having noticed how close they actually are from the entrance. She passes Harry and is now running. "Pick up the pace, Farm Boy." She's gaining lots of distance from him. 
"You can't beat me, Buttercup," Harry says, beginning to catch up, now right behind her. 
Luna lets out a loud laugh causing her to slow down. "We're on the same team, Westley." 
Harry laughs, pulling ahead, but grabbing her arm, making her run even faster. They turn the corner, and that's when she sees Caleb's car and knows the entrance is right ahead where he has to be waiting. 
Caleb is leaning against the rusted golden fence. Evergreen Cemetery, the name on the arch staring down at them. Caleb raises his head, looking away from his phone as he hears footsteps hitting the pavement. 
"Inconceivable!" Caleb shouts as Harry and Luna stand in front of him, out of breath but smiling. "You have arrived with ten minutes to spare, but I hate to inform you-" Luna's smile drops, and Harry can only frown, a profound bit of sadness forming in his stomach.
Caleb bends over, laughing. He wishes he could have recorded that. "I'm only playing. Of course, you won." 
Luna punches his shoulder. "Jerk." 
"Hey, be nice," Caleb backs away, his hands up in defense. "Winners aren't mean." 
"They are if it's to their best friend." Harry laughs, knowing Caleb deserves the well-given punch he received. 
"Honestly, I wasn't too sure you'd win, considering you two aren't- or weren't the best of buddies." Caleb nods his head to their connected pinkies. Harry blushes but makes no move to pull away. Luna tries, but Harry tightens his hold, and well who is she to fight him. 
"Look who's here," Caleb says, looking over their shoulder. 
It's Mitch and Ollie rushing over, a frown on both their faces as Luna and Harry step to the side so Caleb can adequately thank them for being the first losers. 
Mitch scoffs, a smirk forming on his face. "No surprise, they won. Harry would do anything to see Luna smile."
Harry's cheek goes red, but Luna carries on her conversation with Caleb feigning as if she didn't hear a word Mitch said. 
As time clicks closer to midnight, the teams begin to trickle in. Daniel and Calvin come in with five minutes to spare. Mason and Charlotte right on their heels, and at 11:59, barely making it on time are Justine and Abby. There were many mixed emotions as they found out Luna and Harry were the winners. A few eye rolls (Abby) and lots of cheers. 
Caleb has quieted everyone down, as it is now time to crown the winners, and Luna is buzzing with excitement. She might not have won with Caleb by her side, but Harry was just as great as Caleb, if not better. 
"I am proud to crown Luna and Harry, the winners of the Halloween Scavenger Hunt 2020," Caleb yells, having everyone break out into collective cheers. Luna blows kisses to her group of friends, a large smile on her face. 
Charlotte steps forwards and places a jeweled crown on her head. Luna thanks her softly and watches as she does the same to Harry. He bends down so that Charlotte doesn't need to reach up to place it on him. He has a broad smile on his face, he glances at Luna, causing her to go a deep red, but all he does is give her a cheeky wink. Caleb hands over two yellow envelopes, Winner, written on the front, and in each is the $250 prize money. 
It's $500 total, but it's split because of groups. She's not sure who decided everyone put in $50 to get a nice prize out of it instead of just bragging rights, but Luna was thankful for whoever did.
"Speech, please," Caleb says, backing away to stand with the others.  
Harry nods at her asking if she'd like to go first, but she shakes her head no. He clears his throat and puts on a charming smile, always quick to dazzle a crowd. "This year, I was not expecting to partner up with the best at the game, but I am glad she drew out my name. Luck was honestly on my side." He turns his head to find Luna already staring at him. "I can happily say that I'd do it all over again with Luna by my side." Shoots her a smile before locking eyes with their friends. "As now reigning three-time champion, I'm proud to have been at her side. Her brains and my looks won us this hunt." He fakes a hair flip causing Luna and Caleb to let out a giggle simultaneously. She nudges him gently, shaking her head at his antics. 
Harry smiles at her waiting for her to now start hers. She blushes under his intense gaze wishing he'd direct it elsewhere. 
Luna knows they are waiting for her to share, but she's stuck in a trance staring into Harry's emerald eyes. She thinks back to the evening's start in Mitch's living room and the promise she made to Harry if they won. 
Without thinking twice, she steps close to Harry, closing the small distance between them. Luna brings up her right hand to gently cradle his cheek and as for permission. He gives her the slightest nod, and in the next second, her lips are on his. Harry reacts quickly, wrapping his arms around her waist, needing her close, not all believing it's actually happening. 
Harry's lips are soft, his mouth tasting like cherry from the gummies they bought earlier in the night. The butterflies in her stomach are going crazy, trying to find an escape. Harry lets out a small moan. That's when she knows it's time to pull away. Luna rests her hands on his chest, feeling how fast his heart is reacting to the kiss. 
Luna turns to face her friends,  not caring how they were all witnesses to their first kiss. "I told Harry if we won that I'd kiss him, and well, I'm not one to go back on my word." 
Caleb cheers and starts to clap, not at all trying to hide his excitement. Everyone else joins in the hollers, only getting louder, causing Luna to drop her head to rest on Harry's chest as she takes in her friend's excitement, knowing the teasing will soon be next. Harry has not removed his hands from her waist, liking how close she is. Luna doesn't mind it either. It feels quite nice.  
"Alright, let's head to the diner where we'll buy the winner's food." Caleb begins ushering everyone to the cars. He got Amy's help bringing over Mitch and Charlotte's car which is how they will be leaving, finally the end to all the walking.
Luna and Harry are still wrapped in each other's arms, not at all ready to move. Caleb is waiting for them at the small cobblestone entrance.
"We'll meet you there." Luna knows they have no transportation, the diner being close to their apartment that is a good two miles away. 
Caleb nods, stepping closer to toss his keys to her. She catches them with ease. "I'll be riding with Mitch." 
They watch the two cars drive away before turning her attention back to Harry. 
"What a night." 
She nods in agreement, happy that the hunting is over and can now relax. 
"Favorite part?" Harry asks.
She thinks it over for a second before responding, "The haunted house."
"Really." Her answer really surprises Harry, and he doesn't try to hide it. 
Luna shrugs. "Think that's what broke the tension between us; otherwise, we'd still be bickering." Getting locked in a room was not fun, but Harry coming to look for her and help her showed her a side she hadn't seen before. It was worth it, but would most definitely not do it again. "And yours?" 
He leans down to whisper in her ear. "When you kissed me." 
Luna nods, "That was a nice moment, huh." 
"Care to do it again?" 
"Only," Luna pauses before leaning close to Harry. She feels his breath against hers, mixing together. "If you would agree to dress up with me next year." 
"Done deal." Harry answers. His lips are on hers once more. Harry has a hand on her cheek, deepening the kiss, not ever wanting to pull away. "We could be Noah and Allie from The Notebook."
Luna breaks the kiss. "Gross, please take that back." 
"What's wrong? It's my favorite movie." 
"Why?" Luna asks in disgust. "Allie cheats on her fiancé. Sure, they have true love, but cheating should never be condoned, especially in a love story. Sure the book showed their growth and maturity, but you're not talking about the book. I shall not do it, not ever." 
"Guess you just won our first fight, Buttercup." Harry smiles. 
"First? We've had over five hundred!" Luna tells him. "Now, kiss me again because I won." 
"If we're kissing after each fight, then I owe you over five hundred." Luna shuts Harry up by connecting their lips. She knows kissing Harry will never get old, neither will these pointless arguments that will be forgotten seconds later. 
"Enough of giving these dead people a show. Let's go eat." 
"As you wish." 
Luna gasps, pressing her right hand against her heart dramatically. "Are you saying you love me?" She clears her throat, scrunching up her face in apology. "This might be a little awkward then." She points between them both. 
Harry stops walking, throwing his head back, letting out a loud groan of frustration. "You're a pain in my ass." 
Luna giggles. "Would you want it any other way?"
Harry grins, looking down at her soft brown eyes. "No." He responds honestly.  
Pinkies linked together, bumping into each other randomly to see who stumbles the most, Luna and Harry walk out of the cemetery forever thankful for this Halloween night. 
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I love you! 
Thank you for reading, come chat the hunt with me
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kaizokuou-ni-naru · 3 years
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The Voyage So Far: Wano (Part One)
east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)
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shirahoshi seeing the sun for the first time is really a relatively minor and understated thing, among all the chaos and revelations of reverie, but it strikes me as one of the most meaningful little moments in the arc. 
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i LOVE the luffy fanclub. i love that a meeting of the world leaders winds up being a who’s-who with assorted friends of one of the world’s most notorious criminals, and it brings me SO much joy to see them meeting each other and being able to connect. i feel the same way about coby and rebecca meeting.
in general, and i think i said this at marineford too, i love that the one piece world is developed and interconnected and alive enough to allow for these sorts of interactions. 
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fucked up that this was almost a hundred chapters ago and we still have no clue what the fuck was up with this, isn’t it? 
i do find the introduction of im fascinating. up until this point we’ve had two presumed final villains- blackbeard and akainu- who were first established pretty far back at jaya and enies lobby (in robin’s flashback) respectively. meanwhile, im isn’t even seen until chapter nine hundred and something. it feels very late-game, but at the same time, their existence doesn’t contradict anything previously established, and in fact jives pretty well with a lot of information more recently revealed in dressrosa. 
in any case, when in doubt i do trust oda knows what he’s doing when handling his story, and i’m very excited to see what he does with this.
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wano is SO PRETTY. i mentioned this before in fishman island, but i think wano is definitely the prettiest setting in the series to date. i think it’s obvious oda was both very excited to draw it and put a lot of work and research into his depiction of it, and wow does it pay off. wano is so bursting with life and detail, and frequently looks like an ukiyo-e painting come to life, and just- wow wow wow.
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i love zoro and luffy’s reunion so much... i love how happy they are to see each other. it’s only been, what, a couple weeks in-universe? but luffy is pulling the full tackle-hug like he did for sabo at dressrosa. i love them.
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i really like the outfits in wano, too!! zoro’s ronin look in particular i think suits him very well, and i also love luffy’s patchy yukata and robin’s geisha getup and they’re just very cool. this also applies to the non-strawhat wano characters, for the record, and kind of ties back to what i was just saying about wano being so full of detail. it has a very specific look, and everything from the outfits to the way things like the fire and the waves are drawn folds very neatly into that aesthetic. 
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as i’m writing this i just finished on the paramount war posts, so with that fresh on my mind, i have to say i really like the way ace (or rather, his memory) is incorporated into wano. he’s not really a major presence- that is, the fact that he was there before luffy has no real bearing on the plot. but there are people who knew and cared about him and remember him fondly, tama and yamato, and it just really helps add to this feeling that ace was a person and his life and death had real and lasting affects. 
and it adds, too, to the fact that even if it took ace way too long to realize it, he was so thoroughly loved everywhere he went. 
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i have a lot of thoughts on the intersection of food and heroism in one piece (i keep trying to compile a coherent meta post on the subject and mostly failing). but i’ll settle for saying that in wano luffy is a hero by his own definition, as someone who shares food with others, and i doubt he realizes that, but i think it’s really interesting. 
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i know luffy’s fight with kaidou is kind of controversial in fandom but i love it, personally. it feels like a logical outcome for luffy to get his ass kicked the first time he tries to go up against a yonkou singlehandedly! he got wrecked when he tried to throw down with a shichibukai the first time, too, and this is just the next logical step from that. 
luffy’s always been an underdog starting from nowhere and working his way up and up and up, and i love that for him. of course he’s going to get messed up the first time he tries punching an entire order of magnitude above his weight class. and then he’s going to get up and try again, and again, and again until he wins. 
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the act structure of wano is really neat, i think. it helps such a long and complicated arc feel a lot more structured and less interminable than it might otherwise, and it also gives specific breaks where we can cut away to the story happening on the outside world. 
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honestly i really like the whole udon prison segment. it’s fun! i like it for similar reasons i like the colosseum mini-arc in dressrosa, honestly, which is that there’s no real stress because we know luffy is the scariest person there by a country mile so we can just watch him go ham, and that’s fun. it consistently cracks me up that absolutely nobody is worried luffy’s in jail. they’re all just like “yeah, he’ll be fine.” and they’re right! he’s having the time of his life!
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wano’s cast is fascinating, because almost nobody is who they first appear to be. almost everyone is wearing masks, whether literal or not- fitting, for an arc structured after a kabuki play. everyone is playing roles, from hiyori to denjirou to kanjurou to yasuie, and everyone lies. 
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this entire sequence at orochi’s party is one of my favorites in the whole arc- in fact, it was my favorite, until we reached a certain part i’ll get to in the next post. everything from komurasaki standing up for toko and slapping orochi to denjirou “killing” her to robin getting caught by the oniwabanshu and dissolving into petals to nami calling down a massive lightning bolt to cover their escape- it’s really good. 
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i’ve written extensively before about the smile fruits and the themes of smile and laughter in one piece and how important the freedom to feel and express emotion is. suffice it to say that for all the atrocities orochi commits against the people of wano, it’s feeding the smile fruits to the people of ebisu town that is his greatest crime, and the revelation of just what happened to those poor people ratchets up the tragedy of wano tenfold.
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i do think it’s interesting to think about how if denjirou had been just a little less committed to his role, zoro would’ve killed orochi right here. it really drives home that orochi is nothing- he’s weak, he’s cowardly, he’s just lucky and clever and cruel enough to be able to get much more powerful people to do his work for him. 
it’s infuriating that someone like him has been able to hold such power over the lives of the people of wano and ruin them so thoroughly, and that’s exactly the point. 
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wano is the arc where oda says you Will care about the supernovas and i’m like yeah
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hey, another of my all-time favorite luffy panels!! i honestly just think this one sums him up as a character in a line more than almost any other- “i’m always free.” 
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just look at the detail on kidd’s metal hand holy shit holy shit. on occasion certain panels jump out at me that remind me that oda really is just, a genius at drawing on a technical level, even setting aside his writing and storytelling chops, and this is one of them. 
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oda is really, really good at creating the sense of a darkest hour- a time when all hope seems lost. the other best example in the series is in water seven, when the crew seems to be falling to pieces, merry is marked for death, robin’s gone, and the aqua laguna is coming. here, too- nobody comes to meet the akazaya nine, and the one chance they’ve waited twenty years and staked their lives on seems in danger of slipping through their fingers-
but the point of making it so all seems lost is so that when hope does appear, it shines all the brighter, and feels all the more triumphant. it’s always darkest before the dawn, and we all know how wano has been waiting for the dawn. 
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illumina777 · 3 years
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This is me talking abt the party and how some of the ccs handled it as well as disclosing my personal opinion so if y'all do not like that, you should not read this post
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At first, let us look at what the person whose birthday party they were attending mentioned: they are all vaccinated and tested beforehand, the tests were negative -according to them.
And while that is nice, the vaccine only protects you from the virus. You can still carry and spread it and I am sure that we all know that the tests aren't the most accurate either.
And while most these Youtubers will probably end up alone in their house after this, some of them will travel back to their country, they will end up in public vlogging, they end up interacting with other content creators and just people in general and so on. If even one of them has it, the virus can spread like a wildfire. Let's not forget that there were 45+ people at this party. While there are certainly events with much more people out there, I think that it is much easier to enforce the small safety rules such as wearing a mask and keeping your distance at such a small gathering. Also, if we go back to speaking of travelling, some of the guests came from other countries and very likely weren't quarantined before they attended the festivity (speaking of Captain Puffy here, I do not have a list of everyone who attended and do not really care tbh).
Now is it within the UK guidelines? Yes, of course it is. You are not required to wear a mask, football games and concerts take place, clubs are open and so on. Is it responsible? No, it definitely isn't. The death rates are picking up again, so are the rates of people who have covid. There is a delta version of the virus, two times worse than covid 19. The government is not handling this properly and we all should know that because Boris motherfucking Johnson didn't cancel one of his little trips despite the fact that he has been tested positive for covid.
Now if we move on and look at what Memeulous said, I haven't seen any abuse directed at the ccs. I saw a lot of jokes and some people expressing that they were upset which they have the right to be.
Because imagine, the Youtubers who actually profited from the pandemic in terms of views and new subscribers weren't the only ones who were affected. People lost their jobs, their homes, their friends, their family to this virus. Some people are in the hospital with covid, fighting for their lives. Some people can not go to the hospital because it is full, meaning that if they get covid they have nowhere to go. Some people also haven't been outside, haven't seen their friends and family irl in ages. Most of us also haven't been able to celebrate and enjoy our birthdays with our loved ones. Some schools and workplaces are not open, meaning people have to home office which is incredibly difficult for people who struggle with mental health and disabilities. Some people are stuck at home and have to suffer from verbal and physical abuse.
Besides, people have been advising others to wear a mask beforehand and that was all most asked of the ccs. Put a piece of cloth over your nose and mouth, wash your hands, that's it. That's all most of the people had wanted and the majority hasn't asked for that in an impolite way.
Sure, there will always be those black sheep out there with the stupid death threats and some were sent to the person who hosted this. If they read this, I am incredibly sorry this happened, especially after losing someone to suicide. Please remember that death threats are never okay.
And I think another reason why some of them asked the content creators with millions of viewers to be responsible was because they have many young, impressionable viewers who might think that it is okay to stop being careful now where they have seen their 'idols' stop caring. By deciding to become an influencer, you do carry some responsibility. Wearing a mask is not that hard.
Now let's look at some of the replies:
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"Everyone has gone back to their lives"
Nope, several places are still in lockdown, some locations are still not open, many people are fighting for their lives right now, several of my mates lost someone to covid, thousands of people who I do not know lost someone or something to the virus, some people still can not leave their homes, several countries still do not even have the vaccine and especially these people can be upset because guess what: it isn't exactly pleasant to be stuck at home alone while you see several white people show off their privilege of being able to party and go outside.
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"Thousands of people died to covid."
"Lol Twitter is so sensitive"
Here is what Scott Smajor said. I really liked how he handled this so I wanted to include this because unlike most ccs, he didn't mock the people who were looking out for them:
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Also, Dream our little covid warrior lmao
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That all being said, I totally understand where you all are coming from. We are all tired of this. We all want to see our friends and family, go out and do things we enjoy but I think that for now it really has to either wait or be safe. Just because a bunch of other people do it without masks doesn't make it safe. Be better. Also, fuck the government and what they say, didn't know how to handle this shit for the majority of it and they still don't know tbh
Wear your masks, wash your hands, keep your distance and stay safe.
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