#the manager from the mc McDonalds we went to was so rude

[dibberdipper]

Where to go next (Part 2 of cheap frat party beer)

Pairing: Poppy x MC (Bea Hughes)

Warnings: Comfort, implied past sex, language

Word count: 2,000

Summary: When kickoff day is over and everyone’s going home, two girls walk around in the street enjoying each other’s company until they have to fight at school again tomorrow.

Authors note at the end

Bea watched the blonde-haired girl angrily stomp away. She’s recognized the kind of person she is-

She’s a spoiled rich brat who just minutes prior threw a tantrum just because Belvoire’s newest farm girl won over the student body. Bea was undeniably attracted to Poppy, it’s been known at this point. But she wanted nothing more than to take her down. What goes without saying, she wanted the top spot. What made things complicated was she also wanted the girl in the top spot.

They never talked about that shared night in the dorm room, how even after they did the deed they stayed to cuddle. The school’s top rivals were cuddling. Poppy got back with Carter, and Bea felt like there was nothing she could say or do about it. So maybe there was just a little hint of spite involved.

She was on her way back to her and Zoey’s shared place but hesitated to keep going. A certain moment in the day kept plaguing her mind. Poppy just broke up with Carter today. For her reputation, this was the perfect chance to date the school’s football team captain. Carter was attractive, he was sweet… but her mind kept lingering to his ex-girlfriend. She knew it was evil, but she hoped she’d actually stay his ex-girlfriend this time.

She already knew she could surpass Poppy in a week tops, why not try to get in deeper with Poppy now? Worst case scenario, Poppy could embarrass and expose her. But even then, Bea just didn’t really care. She could probably get more momentum in some way and try to make the whole ‘Farmgirl simps for the queen of the school”. On the other hand, best-case scenario, Carter may be out of a girlfriend while she just got one.

As she took her phone out of her pocket, she walked away from her dorm. She could already hear Zoey’s lecture later onto why she left alone without any backup. She went to Poppy’s Instagram page and slid right into her DMs.

“wanna meet later”

She didn’t even wait a second for her reply, it was immediate.

“excuse me???? hell no”

“why not :(”

“have u met me? no”

Bea thought about what to say next when her phone came up with another notification.

“ok how do I know you won’t show up without your bootleg media manager”

Bea rolled her eyes as she kept typing. Okay, she’s crossing her fingers that Poppy does have a secret soft spot somewhere under her blunt rudeness. She couldn’t expect Zoey to support her and Poppy if Poppy couldn’t even treat Zoey with bare minimum respect.

But then again, who says there’s even a relationship.

“how do I know you won’t show up without any of your minions? oh wait they left :(“

She could already see Poppy’s fingers angrily tapping her phone.

Bea came up with an idea that’ll hopefully make things more fun for the both of them that won’t lead to screaming over DMs.

“here, i’ll drop my number so we can FaceTime each other on our way to McDonald’s. foolproof”

“🤢🤢🤢 barf, no”

“Who would expect Poppy Min-Sinclair at a McDonald’s?”

She didn’t get anything back until she got an unknown number trying to FaceTime her. She smiled to herself as she took out her earphones and answered.

“Hey gorgeous-“

“Who do you think you are?! Asking me to meet up after humiliating me?!”

She only saw her neck up, a deep red wool scarf covering up the lower side of her face. She was also adorned in an ugly mud brown hat.

“Poppy I-“

“To think I actually slept with yo-“

“Poppy sweetie, you should be a little quieter on the streets in NYC. Just a little tip.” Bea said laughing, as Poppy flushed. Bea obviously had a view of the buildings behind Poppy.

Poppy huffed. “I might as well not even talk to you on the phone, you’re being such a bitc-“

Poppy heard footsteps behind her and slowly turned around her.

“Then you don’t have to!”

Poppy was so startled she almost fell, and her hat fell off. She put a hand over her heart and took a deep breath.

“Bea! You scared me!”

Bea picked the hat up from off the ground and placed it back on her head.

“Whoops. Sorry.”

Bea looked Poppy over, and now she got to see along with the hat and scarf, she was wearing a tan dress coat with dark brown boots. She looked like a stereotypical cartoon character in a disguise minus the glasses with a mustache attached, plus the tacky hat. There was something charming about her attempt to look less suspicious.

Poppy glared at her but slowly her expression softened.

“Here, I brought these.”

She handed her matching sunglasses, they had some sort of brand name that Bea couldn’t recognize on them.

“Awww babe you brought us matching sunglasses?”

“Don’t think you can just call me babe, I’m pissed at you.”

Poppy crossed her arms after slipping her sunglasses, looking away in annoyance. Bea could’ve apologized or whatever, but the way she said it as if she did nothing riled her up.

“You shouldn’t have tried to sabotage me, sweetie.” Bea said as she slipped her matching pair of sunglasses on.

Poppy wrinkled her nose in anger.

“Then you shouldn’t have tried to upstage me.”

“Here how about this Poppy, we’ll say sorry on three?”

“Okay.” Poppy said uncrossing her arms. Bea felt her eyes on her through the sunglasses.

“One…two…three…”

They waited for one of them to say sorry, but none of them did. They left each other hanging.

They kept eye contact and started laughing. Almost as if they were moving on their own, still laughing, they interlocked fingers and started walking. Poppy laid her head on Bea’s shoulder.

“Ugh, do we still have to go to McDonald's? “

“I guess not. Where do you want to go then?

“I don’t mind just walking.”

They walked, enjoying their shared silence as if they were just two girls holding hands because they liked each other. They both individually loved their reputations, socializing, but at the end of the day, it’s probably the only thing keeping them apart. The school is watching for a catfight, not a love story.

“Bea, why did you really call me here?”

“I just wanted to talk.” Bea replied.

Poppy lifted her head away.

“Ask me ten questions, and I’ll ask you ten questions after.” She remarked.

“Poppy, are you really trying to get to know me through a trivial game?” Bea said.

“You do know that’s one question down, right?” Poppy smirked.

“Oh come one, you’re not going to seriously count that as a question.” Bea said in annoyance.

“Ah, that’s two.” Bea scoffed at her statement, but Poppy giggled in reply. Time seemed to stop every time Poppy genuinely laughed, almost as if the world knew that was the only time she looked truly innocent.

“Okay I’ll stop teasing you, you can ask. But you only have eight questions left.”

Bea squeezed her hand, as she looked around trying to think of one.

“Cats or dogs?”

“That’s seriously what you’re asking?”

“Sue me, but you can tell a lot about a person by which one they prefer.”

Poppy was silent for a moment.

“I wanted a cat when I was younger, but my mom’s allergic.”

“Ah okay. Next question I guess. Look I know we’ve done things, and you dated Carter, but I don’t want to assume anything. Are you bi?”

Poppy winked at her. “Let’s just say I listen to girl in red.”

Bea rolled her eyes but laughed.

“Okay, five more questions I guess. Coke or Pepsi.”

Poppy didn’t miss a beat. “White wine. Why drink those when you have a wine cooler?”

Bea punched her arm playfully. “Hey, your ‘too cool for soda’ rich kid is showing.”

They both laughed among each other.

“I mean I don’t have any more questions except one I guess.”

“Please do ask.” Poppy said, moving her hands upwards to clutch onto her arm.

“Have you even tried McDonald’s?”

“I’ve dated Carter, I went with him and I’ve come to the conclusion that almost none of their food looks like their advertising.” Poppy said.

“Well do you have a favorite fast food place? Or are you simply too fancy?”

Poppy looked around for a moment.

“You tell anyone and I swear to whatever God is out there Bea Hughes, I’ll make you pay.”

Bea started laughing, covering her hand over her mouth this time trying not to annoy other passers among them, previous people shooting them glares for being so damn loud.

“Okay, you have to tell me now.” Bea said finally calming her giggles.

She noticed Poppy’s face glow with a red tint as she buried herself in her scarf.

“After my first break up in high school, I ate at Wendy’s. It’s now my guilty pleasure.”

“I’ve actually never had Wendy’s.” Poppy gaped at Bea in surprise.

“Why? How could you not!”

“In my hometown, I mainly had food from mom and pop type diners and restaurants, you know?”

Poppy felt herself burn inside. On her first day of school, she relentlessly went at her for where she came from. Poppy let go of her arm and took a deep breath. As much as she could’ve never said this, the over-attachment she’s already grown so much to this girl couldn’t let her brush it off.

“Poppy are you oka-“ Before Bea could finish, Poppy interrupted her.

“I’m sorry for being such a piece of shit to you. Hell, I’m kind of a piece of shit to everyone.” Poppy tried to hold it in, but a tear or two slipped past and left streaks on her cheeks.

“Poppy…” Bea sighed.

“I’m not going to pretend and tell you you’re forgiven or that you haven’t been a real bitch to everyone. But I mean, who am I to judge? I’m not any better than you.”

Poppy looked up at her through her glasses, she didn’t even feel like being defensive. She knew she was right.

“One part of me wants to believe you have some sort of secret soft side, but I know that’d be me making up some other version of you. I want to get to know you, know every deep secret you have, I want to know all the little quirks that make you…you. But another part of me wants to be that power couple I’ve always selfishly wanted.”

Poppy felt the tears being unleashed. Carter was always sweet to her, pampered her even, he’s an amazing guy. But for some reason, this very moment meant so much to her than anything else.

“Would you… want to date me one day?” Poppy slipped the words out as she wiped the tears from her face with her sleeve.

Bea thought to herself for a few minutes, making Poppy shrink in paranoia as to what her response might be.

“We both need to grow first. I want to get better for you, and I want you to be satisfied enough in your life to not seek validation within some college ranking system.” As much as the words stung, Poppy nodded.

Bea looked down at Poppy and she stopped in her steps. She pulled her away from the sidewalk and closer to the wall of whatever building was next to them. She held her hands in hers.

“Instead of asking me ten questions, you know what you could do for me?”

Poppy looked at her puzzlingly.

“You know… you could kiss me.” Poppy giggles uncharacteristically in reply.

“Close your eyes.” Bea’s eyelids fluttered down. Poppy stood on her tippy toes and placed her lips on hers. It was different from that first night. Instead of sexual tension and passion, it was soft. As fun as that night was, she could say she preferred this one in a heartbeat. She pulled away as she something vibrate in her back pocket.

“Bea where are you??? Not to be a mom, but weren’t you supposed to get here a while ago?”

“Oh shit.” Bea accidentally said aloud”

“What is it?” Poppy said suddenly looking at her phone to see what she was looking at.

“I forgot to tell Zoey I was going out.”

“You forgot?!” Bea felt so stupid, as she went on her Uber app.

“I’ll get us both an Uber and I’ll walk you to your floor so you’ll be safe okay?”

Poppy sighed dejectedly. “Okay.”

“You do know you could keep your lips on mine in the Uber, right?”

Poppy smiled at her.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

________________________________________________________

okay I just wanted to say 😳😳

i have another Poppy x MC WIP but as soon as i read chapter 4 of Queen B I just h a d to write this

because first of all, it was intended to be a one-shot but a couple of people asked and I had no idea how to start it but chapter 4 gave me life so here we are

thanks for reading 🥰

Tagging (Message if you want to be added or removed please!!)

Thank you for reading! Tagging: @lolimugly @origmansello @everythingchoices @lonewolf751 @lavenderrtown @save-me-the-last-dance @priestess-of-light @otakufangirl-12 @vampiregirlsblog @princessstellaris @somewillwin @grapecaseschoices @mvalentine @greatestflirt-hero @sugarplumpnhoneybun @ognenniyvolk @coldbatfriendroad @that-one-choices-person @drethanramslay @queensayeed @kawaiibanditmoneytaco @rotten-teddy-bear @aguywiththreepairsofglasses @elijahmessenger @ritafarrr @erza-elcy-crimson @poshbiscuit @generaldameronss @adrianadmirer @everythingchoices @imturasgirl @noesapphic

(psa if you weren’t tagged but you wanted to be please message, i have bad WiFi so I might not see some people asking until later on)

#playchoices #Queen B #poppy min sinclair #poppy x mc

[skiinggray5-blog]

‘The joke is always on us’: how People Just Do Nothing struck comedy gold

In a dimly lit room backstage at an underground club in east London, four men in their 30s share their masturbation secrets with me. Seapa finds it difficult at the moment: it hurts. Seapa also says (Seapa does most of the talking) that Steve does it with his legs behind his head, and that he spits on his... Well, I won’t say, in case you’re having your breakfast.

Anyway, he’s joking, he says. “We all wank perfectly normally.”

“Very healthy masturbation,” Asim confirms.

Until Seapa remembers Hugo. “Hundred per cent a fact: Hugo has to do it on his knees.”

They are proper friends from way back, with no secrets and no no-go areas

Rather than deny it, Hugo corrects him. “Not even on my knees,” he says. “Squatting on all fours.” He has an explanation, too, one that harks back to his teens and verges on the Freudian. “I think it’s when I had a family computer downstairs at this level,” he says, indicating its height. “Literally, the laptop’s there and my chin’s there…” I’m not totally picturing it, and not trying too hard, to be honest; the four of them crack up.

Apologies for sharing, but this is symptomatic of the entire 90 minutes I spend with Seapa, Steve, Asim and Hugo. These men know each other very well, are proper friends from way back, with no secrets, no no-go areas, and who cares if there’s a geezer from the Guardian here as well (“You’re a journalist, you’re not a human,” Seapa tells me). They relentlessly take the piss, out of each other, out of me; they’re boysy, rude, open, very funny – individually, collectively, all ways.

It has to be said that the line between fact and fiction isn’t always clear. I’d guess the story about Hugo is true, about Steve not (I hope). I’m not even sure how we got on to masturbation. Oh, yes, they were talking about “blazing” (smoking weed, something else they do a lot of, although there’s some talk of having stopped) and how it affects the senses, vision and touch, and it progressed naturally from there, do you see?

As well as being blazers and wankers, they – real names Allan “Seapa” Mustafa, Steve Stamp, Asim Chaudhry and Hugo Chegwin – are the creators, writers (principally Steve and Seapa) and stars of the award-winning BBC comedy People Just Do Nothing.

Big up PJDN

Confession: I’m a fan, big time. If you know the show, you surely will be, too – and if you don’t, you should get involved. A mockumentary sitcom centred on Kurupt FM, a pirate radio station broadcasting UK garage to not very many people at all in west London, it won a Bafta last year (beating Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag), which Seapa doesn’t let you forget.

People Just Do Nothing is not a million miles from The Office – in actual mileage (it’s about 10 from Brentford to Staines), as well as in format and vibe. They’re massive fans of Ricky Gervais’ show: Seapa’s character, MC Grindah, is a kind of tower-block David Brent, while The Office producer Ash Atalla has become their executive producer. (As well as Gervais, they mention Alan Partridge, Brass Eye, Peep Show, Spinal Tap, Summer Heights High and documentaries such as the BBC Three series Tower Block Dreams.)

But PJDN is much more than The Office at 130bpm. It’s a heartfelt homage to a very different world – beautifully observed, authentic down to the music samples and trainer brands, because it’s a world its makers know inside out, having grown up in it. It’s more than a television show, too; as Kurupt FM, they have toured clubs and venues, played Glastonbury and taken over Radio 1Xtra.

You don’t need to know your UK garage from your drum’n’bass, or be a pirate radio aficionado, to appreciate People Just Do Nothing. Because, more than anything, it’s about people – not doing nothing, so much as doing the wrong thing.

4x4 - The Kurupt playlist

Styling: Tanja Martin. Grooming: Kristopher Smith at Terri Manduca. Shot at hangarlondonfields.com. Photograph: David Titlow for the Guardian

I realise this could be getting a little muddly: four different characters, being played by four different people. Usually, for interviews, as with their live shows, Kurupt FM remain in character. Today, they’re letting the masks slip, but it’s a blurry line between the real and the invented. So, for reference, your cast:

MC Grindah, convinced he’s the greatest MC on the planet, unwisely unwilling to let go of the dream, unrelated to the dating app; played by Allan “Seapa” Mustafa, 33, who also writes.

It’s tricky, because pirate radio is such a boys’ club. We’ve worked hard to get more of the female perspective in there

DJ Beats, Grindah’s lieutenant, loyal and loving, in spite of Grindah’s bullying (he is like a badly treated labrador); played by Hugo Chegwin, 33. Hugo, incidentally, is a nephew of Keith “Cheggers” Chegwin. Doesn’t play pop, though.

Chabuddy G, their sort-of manager, a wheeler-dealer Arthur Daley kind of fella and hopeless entrepreneur; played by Asim Chaudhry, 31.

Steves, basically on drugs, a “wiggy mess”. If they were the Happy Mondays, he’d be Bez; played by Steve Stamp, 33, who also writes.

***

Even if you’ve never tuned into a pirate radio station, let alone been to one, you will know one or more of a Grindah, a Steves, a Beats and a Chabuddy G. Know and likely also love, because, despite their absurd foolishness, there is lots to root for, too.

It’s also about jokes – ongoing jokes, such as Angel, Grindah’s daughter with his girlfriend (later wife) Miche, who clearly isn’t – biologically speaking – Grindah’s daughter, on account of the colour of her skin (she’s mixed race; Miche and Grindah are white). Then there are the smaller, more ephemeral jokes, such as Grindah’s definition of salvation: “McDonald’s on the horizon when you need a shit.” Or Chabuddy G’s devotion to Sean Paul Gaultier fragrance. Or Chabuddy’s explanation of what hormones are: “Little balls of anger that live inside women.”

Lily Brazier as Miche. Photograph: BBC

Yes, PJDN is undeniably blokey. “It’s tricky, because pirate radio is such a boys’ club,” says Steve, possibly the most thoughtful of the four, and definitely the tallest. “I think we’ve worked hard to try and get more of the female perspective in there.” This comes mainly via Miche (the brilliant Lily Brazier, who grows into the role and demands a place at the cast’s top table).

“One thing I would say, though, is the joke is always on the men,” Seapa says. “Grindah’s pretending to be this bravado guy, but he always gets bit on the arse and looks like a dickhead in the end.”

The show’s pilot and the first four episodes were only loosely threaded together. But from the second series, story arcs began to form, narrative rainbows over the concrete Brentford skyline – themes, issues, even. Not just male hopelessness, but loss and grief, addiction, bankruptcy and homelessness, abusive relationships. Prepare yourselves – in the fifth and final series – for gentrification. And, sadly, for everyone having to grow up. First, though, back to the beginning...

Midpoint reload

If you’re up to speed, you’ll know this means going back to the beginning halfway through – just as Grindah does in the middle of Grindah and Beats’s track, Heart Monitor Riddim (Lyrical Blow To The Jaw). “So me and Steve used to run a dogging company, out of a car park in Guildford,” Seapa says in the dingy backstage room (the club was the location for today’s cover shoot; this room, though horrid, seems entirely appropriate).

“We were on a forum, because we all caught the same disease,” Hugo adds.

Neither is true (I don’t think). But they all agree that Hugo was central to the beginning of what became a beautiful thing. “Hugo’s the clitoris,” Seapa says, taking it back down there. That’s Seapa’s role, as well as doing most of the talking, and the reminding about their Bafta.

Hugo – more of an introvert, less readable, equally comfortable with filth – goes with it: “And these guys are my orgasm.” Loads of laughing at that.

Here’s the actual truth (I think). Hugo grew up next door to Steve in Brentford, on the other side of the M4 motorway from the towers of the Haverfield Estate, as featured in the show. Hugo met Asim (from Hounslow) and Seapa (from Chessington) at Thames Valley College through a shared passion for smoking weed and creating music. Hugo would make hip-hop beats in his room; Asim rapped and made videos. Seapa ran a tinpot pirate radio station, and hung around squat parties and raves.

Photograph: David Titlow for the Guardian

When Seapa and Hugo dropped out of college, they used their student loans to visit Steve in Thailand; he was travelling having finished uni (English literature at Sussex). They went to beach parties, where Steve, who wasn’t really taking serious drugs, would pretend to be on pills just for a laugh. (This was the birth of his character Steves.)

Back in London, they continued to hang out, smoking more weed, messing around with Xbox Live and early camera phones, creating more characters. They used to make prank calls, too, which is where Asim’s character, Chabuddy G, began, partly inspired by his father, a bit of a hustler who once ran a business from a portable office.

Takeover of The Charlie Sloth Show.

I wonder if Asim – warm and instantly likable – has ever been accused of stereotyping, playing a comedy south Asian businessman with a finger in a lot of pies? “I’ve had a bit,” he says. “But you have to look at the detail behind it, the layers of research that go into it, and the real-life connection you have to it.”

Chabuddy G could be any race or culture, he says; it’s his self-delusion that makes him funny. This is nothing like, for example, Hank Azaria, a white guy, doing Apu on the Simpsons. “No one talks like Apu in real life, no one says [he puts on an Apu voice], ‘Thank you, come again.’ A lot of people speak like Chabuddy, a lot of people dress like Chabuddy, a lot of people are Chabuddy.”

Anyway, Asim, who had been camera operator (because he had a camera), was now in it, as Chabuddy G, even if he wasn’t clear what it was.

People just do something

What would become People Just Do Nothing was born, chiefly, out of experience, hence the pinpoint authenticity. But the irony of authenticity is that a lot of work went into it.

They created their characters, and improvised material that they posted on Asim’s YouTube channel. Some of the people they knew wondered why the hell they were doing it, investing all this time and energy into posting YouTube clips (this was before everyone starting spending all their time posting YouTube clips).

“We were about 24, and everyone else was working, and we hadn’t really achieved anything,” Seapa says. “We didn’t start out like, ‘This is going to be on telly and earn money’, we just did it. We were in shit, dead-end jobs, but we always made sure we were doing something creative.”

At one point, three of them were working in the same call centre. Hugo also worked at a will-writing firm, in accounts (if he were in The Office, he’d be Tim).

The wedding of Grindah and Miche. Photograph: BBC

“All I had on my CV were admin jobs that I wasn’t proud of,” Steve says. “If I wanted to get something I enjoyed, I would have to create my own work and show that I can do stuff outside the admin world. There always needed to be projects – writing.”

Steve always wanted to write. “I didn’t know if it was going to be scripts or...”

“Romantic novels,” Seapa butts in.

“Romantic novels,” Steve agrees, going along with it, a little resignedly at first, then raising him. “Erotic novels.”

“At one point, you were into Ukrainian erotic novels, weren’t you?” Seapa asks, not just seeing him, but raising him further. And they’re all off again: they were all into Ukrainian erotic novels and read them aloud together, sitting back to back, topless, but no one wanted to do it with Asim, because of his back hair. Make up your own mind about the veracity of that one.

Urban powerhouse/radio station/family

The YouTube episodes were not an overnight viral sensation; the viewers trickled in over a couple of years. But the producer Jon Petrie, who worked with Atalla at the independent production company Rough Cut TV, saw them and got the boys in for a meeting in early 2011.

“They basically said, ‘Are you happy for us to approach channels on your behalf and try to get you a pilot?’” Steve says.

They were keen to – and did – retain creative control, hanging on to the baby that had been conceived over a big chunk of their lives, in their bedrooms, blazing, back to back (maybe). But they also got some help with things like how to write a script, which they hadn’t done before: the YouTube webisodes were all improvised.

Today, there is still room for improv to sneak in: they reckon it’s about 70-30 script to improv in the final cut. “We’ve been in these characters since 2010, so we’re very comfortable with them,” Asim says. “We know how they’re going to react, what they’re going to say.”

After the pilot went out on BBC Three in 2011, a series was commissioned, followed by a second, then a further two. The Bafta came after a poignant third series that ends – on Valentine’s Day – with a birth and a death.

With Craig David. Photograph: BBC

There’s irony in their success, too, because, while in many ways their lives mirror those of their characters, they have also left them way behind. A big part of the ongoing joke is that, while Kurupt FM claims to be the biggest and baddest pirate station in the land, even the more conservative claim of “over 100 listeners” is hopelessly optimistic – it’s probably time to think about throwing in the mic. Whereas for Seapa, Steve, Asim and Hugo, things are kicking off big time. It’s not just the series, the live show and the real radio station takeovers (where they hold their own alongside Stormzy and Craig David); there is the hilarious sketch they did with very game “urban artist” Ed Sheeran on Comic Relief last year (they attempt to make him “less shit”); Chabuddy G has a comedy advice book out, How To Be A Man; and if you’ve taken a British Airways flight recently, you will have seen him as the lead in the (actually funny) safety video. After this final series, there’s going to be a film, which they’re working on (they’ve been talking to the Inbetweeners people, who successfully translated their sitcom to the big screen).

You don’t have to go to the Edinburgh festival, or be in a drama club, if you’ve got a camera and funny friends

About all of which, they’re dead proud – not so much about where they’ve got to, more where they started from. “Where I’m from, no one I know has come into this industry,” Seapa says. “I didn’t even know it was an option.”

“You don’t have to come through the conventional route,” Asim adds. “You don’t have to go to the Edinburgh festival, you don’t need to be in a drama club, you don’t need to do this – you’ve got a camera, you’ve got funny friends.”

“For the younger generation who’ve grown up with YouTube and stuff, maybe we can be a small inspiration,” Hugo starts to say, before being interrupted by Seapa: “Hugo Chegwin, motivational speaker!”

More than anything else, People Just Do Nothing is – at risk of sounding cheesy – a massive shout-out to friendship. “You can be talented, you can be creative, but if you’re not in the right circles…” Seapa begins, and by the right circles he’s not talking about media contacts or LinkedIn connections. “These are my best friends. We were all cruxes [sic; he means crutches] for each other, spurred each other on – that’s why we got through.”

People Just Do Nothing in collaboration with Ed Sheeran for Comic Relief.

Speaking of sic, they don’t say sick (with a k, for Kurupt FM), as in good, as much as they do on the show. Or trust me. Or bruv. But they do finish each other’s sentences, as only people who are close do. Mostly Seapa finishes them.

What is clear – while we talk, but also watching them arse about in the photoshoot – is they enjoy hanging out together, and it’s from this, and trying to make each other laugh, that the comedy comes. “These are my funniest friends,” Steve says. “The more I work with other actors, I realise that, even though we’re not actors, what we do in front of camera is impressive.”

Asim agrees, and says that for him it’s mainly about trying to make Steve crack up. Hugo talks of the journey, the experiences, the bond they’ve formed – something that a lot of music acts don’t have.

Are they the Beatles of Brentford? “I don’t know,” Seapa says. “Have they got a Bafta?”

Our time is up and Seapa has the last word, unsurprisingly. Nor is the direction he takes it in surprising. “Nice little chat,” he says. “Hope that was good for you.” And he laughs, they all do. “It’s like we just had sex.”

• The fifth and final series of People Just Do Nothing starts on BBC Two next month. Kurupt FM tour the UK from 9 November 9.

Opening shot: Asim wears jacket, Balenciaga at Harrods. Tracksuit bottoms, Stone Island at Browns. Steve wears sweatshirt, Palace. Allan wears vintage jacket, Stone Island. Tracksuit bottoms, Stone Island at Browns. Hugo wears Camo polar jacket, Stussy at Mr Porter. Cap, Lacoste. Tracksuit bottoms, Stone Island at Harvey Nichols.

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Source: https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2018/oct/27/the-joke-is-always-on-us-how-people-just-do-nothing-struck-comedy-gold