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sweeterlovers · 3 days

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LABYRINTH / FERNANDO ALONSO

fernando alonso x female singer reader / SMAU FIC

FACE CLAIM / TAYLOR SWIFT

WARNINGS / badly google translated spanish

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ynupdates in a recent interview for the upcoming release of YN/LN’s feature on vogue, when asked if she has anything coming up YN responded saying, “funny enough i actually have been writing some music lately. so i’m thinking about releasing a song about a special someone” what do we think about this? new boyfriend? new love song? let us know!!

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user7 she served that photoshoot

user2 seriously she ate it up

user07 i’m excited to get the magazine!!

user32 i wonder what the song is about?

user44 well she did say it’s about a special someone soo.. maybe a boyfriend or a friend 🤷🏼‍♀️

user08 well the last time YN has gone public with a guy was in like 2016 with harry styles so it seems unlikely and likely at the same time

user26 her hair looks so good !!!!!

user43 what i’m personally surprised about is that she mentioned her love life. usually YN is very secretive about her personal life so maybe she is very serious about this guy

user082 that makes sense. hopefully the song will give us more details 😅

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yourusername super excited to announce that tonight (may 17th) at 12pm i’ll be releasing a brand new song titles “labyrinth” this song is about a very special someone in my heart 🤍 i hope you all enjoy it (and have fun guessing who it’s about)

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user26 AHHHHH!!!!!

user0052 i’m so excited 😆

user538 who else will be staying up 🔽⬇️?!????

user2 meeee

user06 ME TWO

user03 me threeeee !!!

user87 already taking my nap 😴

user1 she looks pretty

user8 the theme is very lilac yk

user78 AN THE GUESSING GAME STARTS NOW 👏👏👏

user6 can’t wait for the crazy predictions

user53 i’m guessing it’s about a new boyfriend

user51 right but whoo…

user5878 i doubt it’ll be another actor or singer soo maybe an athlete 🤷

user4 labyrinth out tonight!!!!!!!!!!

user70 can’t wait 😝

POST RACE INTERVIEW WITH FERNANDO ALONSO

Interviewer: Fernando congratulations on P2!

Fernando: Thank you! It was a bit tough but we got through it. So ultimately I’m very happy with myself and the team!

Interviewer: Do you have any plans tonight to celebrate? Perhaps some dinner with the team or some partying? Hm?

Fernando: Well I was planning on listening to YN/LN’s new song but after that I may go out to dinner with a special someone.

Interviewer: Special someone? Girlfriend perhaps?

Fernando: Eh we’ll see.

Interviewer: Mysterious as always Fernando.

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fernandoalo_oficial celebrated my podium with the only other person i would want to be with. thank you for all the support from the fans and the team!

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user6 FERNANDO WHAT

user4 i’m not even surprised anymore 🤦‍♀️

user061 i wasn’t familiar with your game

user77 have you seen the man???????

user605 seriously, i’m a married man with kids but i’m gay for fernando alonso ✊

user15 real

user80 a blondeeeee i seee 👱‍♀️

user74 the cartier bag with the flowers 😍😍

user95 seriously tho!! go off mr alonso

user026 i would die for a man to get me that

user186 super cute

lance_stroll congratulations man! you did an amazing job 👏 tell her i said hi as well please!

fernandoalo_oficial thank you lance! she says hello as well 😅

user60 lance what do you know????????????????

user5 LANCE TELL US WHO SHE IS

lance_stroll sorry i’ve been sworn to secrecy 🤐

user520 if i was being sworn secrecy by fernando i would listen, that man scares me

*liked by fernandoalo_oficial*

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ynupdates YN has been seen in spain recently!! 🇪🇸 ❤️ any thoughts on why she is spain?

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user6 spain?????

user142 hmmm maybe just a vacation 🤷🏼‍♀️

user9 she looks good

user1 yeah i love her too!! the flowers are cute

user1347 🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸

user14 i have a theory but i will be called delusional…..

usee096 SAY IT RN! BE DELULU

user365 delulu is in fact the solution

user14 OK FIIINEE! the reason she is in spain is because she is visiting her boyfriend. you may ask why is she visiting her boyfriend in spain? the reason why is because she is dating SPANISH DRIVER FERNANDO ALONSO!!

user5 pls take your meds

user14 i’m right guys don’t even because why else has fernando revealed that he has a girlfriend?? hmmm and on top of that in a recent interview he said that he has been listening to YN!!!

user653 i see your point butttttttt it’s quite far off

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yourusername a year with you my love 🤍 thank you for supporting me throughout my career and my writing and most of all thank you for being my muse 🤍🤍 i love you fernando! your my champion :)

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user6 power couple fr

user674 this is so random lmaoo

user8 i mean yeah but they are pretty cute together!

user22 this makes a lot more sense on why she was in spain

fernandoalo_oficial mi amor y mi tesoro, te amo mucho, eres mi mujer [my love and my treasure, i love you so much . your my woman]

yourusername fernando no words can express my love for you. there is no one else i would rather be with ❤️

fernandoalo_oficial your the only one in my heart ♥️

user55 😭😭😭😭😭😭 so so so so cute

user1 “my love and my treasure” i’m so down bad for them

selenagomez you guys are adorable 🥰

yourusername thank you babe :)))

user51 can’t wait to see them together!

TEAM RADIO / SWEETERLOVERS - thought this would be funny considering taylor’s new song!!!! taylonso will live forever ✊

#formula 1 #f1 smau #sweeterlovers #f1 fanfic #formula one #f1 fic #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #husband fernando alonso #fernando alonso x y/n #fernando alonso smau #fernando alonso x you #fernando alonso fic #fernando alonso au #fernando alonso #fernando alonso x reader #fernando alonso x wife #fernando alonso x oc #smau

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anonymousewrites · 2 days

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A Not-So-Disastrous Romance (Book 1) Chapter Two

Kusuo Saiki x Reader

Chapter Two: Ghosts and Guardians

Summary: Saiki and (Y/N) meet a new transfer student.

It was another day at school. (Y/N) and Saiki were sitting next to each other, watching as boys crowded around Teruhashi as usual. Apparently, she had met a boy on August sixth and developed a crush on him. Poor Saiki looked annoyed (more than usual, at least), and (Y/N) was amused since apparently his chance encounter with Teruhashi had garnered a lot of attention.

That being said, (Y/N)’s stomach clenched strangely at the knowledge that the “perfect pretty girl” liked Saiki. They chose to classify that under “weird” because “my best friend who hates people dating would be weird.” At least Saiki seemed irritated at the attention.

Other than Teruhashi’s crush, everything was normal at PK Academy (which wasn’t saying much. Nothing could be considered anywhere near normal there). At least, almost completely normal (by their standards).

“Hey, Saiki, (Y/N), don’t you think Nendou is acting strange today?” asked Kaidou. “Normally, he’d be bugging us to go to a ramen place or something.”

“True, he is acting a little strange.”

“He looks sad,” said (Y/N) decidedly.

“This is fishy. It does make me wonder what the deal is,” said Kaidou, “We should find out what.”

How do I always get dragged into these things?

Saiki was once again questioning his life choices. He was hiding around the corner from Nendou with Kaidou and (Y/N). They were tailing their friend who was acting odd. All-in-all, it was the usual concoction of terrible life choices leading him to be stuck with “friends.” At least (Y/N) and Saiki were acting relatively normal. Kaidou….was Kaidou. He had put on a coat, hat, and sunglasses to complete the spy look.

“His house isn’t this way,” said Kaidou, “I bet something’s up.”

“Why are you so excited about this? And why are you so used to tailing someone?” commented Saiki.

“It’s a little creepy,…but hey, we’re not gonna hurt him!” said (Y/N), smiling.

“Hm?” Kaidou noticed Nendou stop. “What’s he looking at?”

Nendou gave a young girl a strange look.

Creepy.

All of them had the same thought.

“Look, he entered a shop this time!” said (Y/N), pointing down the street.

“Don’t start getting into this, too.” The last thing Saiki needed was (Y/N) going crazy.

“I might as well have fun,” they remarked.

“A flower shop? Don’t tell me he has a girlfriend…!” exclaimed Kaidou.

“No offense to Nendou, but that’s probably not the reason,” said (Y/N), sweat-dropping.

Nendou emerged with a bouquet of sunflowers.

“No, that’s definitely not it.”

“It’s too early to judge. There are many reasons to buy sunflowers,” said Kaidou.

“He’s entering another shop!” alerted (Y/N).

“A cake shop? Well, he definitely wouldn’t eat something like that, right?!” cried Kaidou. “Sunflowers, too. He clearly intends to give them to someone. But he doesn’t have a girlfriend to give them to!”

“Let’s just ask him. This might end up being a little personal. He may prefer to tell us instead of us accidentally finding out,” said (Y/N).

Saiki glanced at them from behind his glasses. Once again, (Y/N)’s apropos statement made his question whether or not they were a regular person or secretly a psychic. Maye they were just someone with common sense.

He could directly relate to what they had just said. Saiki had a personal issue: being a psychic, and he didn’t want people to find out if he didn’t want them to (which was all the time).

Strange…how do they manage to say just the right thing?

(Y/N) ran up to Nendou. “Hey, Nendou!”

“Oh, hey, pinky! Wow! Runt and pal are here, too.”

“Yeah, we’re curious about what you’re up to,” explained (Y/N).

Only mildly curious. It wouldn’t weigh on my mind.

“Oh, that’s easy,” said Nendou.

“Visiting a grave?” Kaidou was surprised. The group was now in a graveyard looking at the Nendou Family Grave.

(Y/N) nodded in understanding. They had guessed that since Nendou definitely probably didn’t have a girlfriend, the flowers were likely for a relative. (Or that’s what they told themself. They actually didn’t really manage to guess anything).

“Yeah, my dad’s,” explained Nendou, “Today is the anniversary of his death.”

Kaidou made the connection. “Then the sunflowers and cake are…”

“They’re offerings, of course.” Nendou smiled. “It’s common sense to bring flowers and snacks when visiting a grave.”

“Of course,” agreed (Y/N). It was sweet. For all Nendou’s…stupidity, he had a good heart.

“When did your dad die?” asked Kaidou.

“Kaidou! That’s a really personal question,” admonished (Y/N), frowning.

“Don’t worry, girlie. It’s okay. He died before I was born,” said Nendou, “He died trying to save a kid who ran out into the street.”

“A hero,” said (Y/N) in awe. That explains where Nendou gets his helpful, sometimes impulsive, attitude.

“B-but if he died before you were born, then he must’ve died really young,” said Kaidou.

“Yeah. I think eighteen or nineteen. Do you wanna see his picture? I have it in my wallet.” Nendou looked excited.

“Sure!” said (Y/N), grinning.

Nendou showed off the picture. The pair were identical. It was kind of creepy.

“What?! This is your picture, isn’t it?” cried Kaidou in disbelief.

“I know, he looks like me, right?” Nendou smiled happily. “Mom says that I look more like him every year, too.”

“It’s beyond that! You’re practically twins!” (Y/N) was surprised they were so similar.

After looking over the picture, the group stood up and turned from the grave, readying to leave. Saiki, however, was staring slightly above the grave with a strange, slightly creeped out, look on his face.

“Saiki?” called (Y/N), “Are you alright?”

That vision of Nendou’s father was probably just my imagination. Saiki turned around with his usual blank face. “I’m fine.”

“Great! Let’s go get some ramen!” said Nendou.

As they began to walk, (Y/N) grinned at Saiki. “I’ve never seen you look like that before. It was almost like you saw a ghost.”

“I don’t believe in ghosts,” said Saiki. No matter how unreal I am. Unfortunately, the world had a way of going against his desires. (He was not a favorite of any gods that existed).

(Y/N) walked through the halls, heading to the library to check out some books. They stopped, however, when they spotted Saiki and the transfer student. They instantly became curious since rumors were circulating that he was a medium. Did they believe in psychics or anything? They weren’t sure. They hadn’t really seen any proof for or against the existence of psychics, so (Y/N) kept an open mind. And there was no harm in checking it out.

“I don’t understand why you would want to hide it…” complained the purple-haired boy.

“Hide what?” asked (Y/N), nearing the two.

The transfer student jumped. “Oh-uh! S-Saiki and I are friends!”

“We’re not,” denied Saiki.

“Don’t think anything of it,” said (Y/N) to the purple-haired boy. They smiled and laughed. “Saiki never admits people are his friends.”

“He’s really not,” emphasized Saiki. He really didn’t want (Y/N) to get the wrong idea.

“Hush.” (Y/N) smiled to the transfer student. “I’m (Y/N) (L/N).”

“I’m Toritsuka Reita.” Toritsuka smiled “innocently,” but his inner thoughts were very different. Wow, they’re totally hot! “And I’m a medium who can tell you all about your Guardian Spirit!” People love this stuff!

Saiki leveled a deadly glare at Toritsuka. He sent a message directly to the pervert’s mind, making sure (Y/N) wouldn’t hear. “Stop.” He might not acknowledge (Y/N) was his friend, but he wouldn’t let Toritsuka try anything pervy with them. He didn’t like that idea. And (Y/N) didn’t deserve that.

Not that that was the issue. It was just Toritsuka being weird that Saiki wasn’t a fan of. Not (Y/N) being bothered in particular.

“I guess I am a bit curious,” admitted (Y/N), shrugging casually.

“Hmm, it seems—Oh, whoa!” Toritsuka’s eyes widened.

“What?” (Y/N) tilted their head.

Curious himself, Saiki surreptitiously tapped Toritsuka while using his psychometry. Now, he could see the ghosts the medium did. Sure enough, (Y/N)’s Guardian Spirit garnered the reaction Toritsuka had.

“They’re a sorcerer or a witch!” said Toritsuka. That's intimidating! Immediately, he took a step back. He wouldn’t try to mess with (Y/N) if that was their guardian spirit. Well, at least for a little.

That explains why (Y/N) always gets out of messes. Saiki found it interesting that (Y/N) was friends with a psychic and had a witch as a Guardian Spirit. Maybe there was a correlation. If that was so, then there was a correlation between god hating him and his own psychic powers.

“If what you say is true, then that’s pretty cool.” (Y/N) smiled at the idea of having someone looking out for them. “What’s Saiki’s guardian?”

“I don’t care about it.”

They shrugged. “Alright, if you say so.” They were pretty curious, but they wouldn’t push.

Saiki was tempted to smile for a moment but held back. He liked that they respected him enough not to pry. Most of his friends people who bothered him would push for information, but (Y/N) understood that Saiki preferred to keep to himself. They even helped out people like Toritsuka who were especially bothersome (and definitely didn’t deserve their kindness). As usual, the universe decided to mess with Saiki right as he was feeling pleased since just at that moment Teruhashi walked by. Luckily for Saiki (he didn’t get to say that often) she was only passing by.

However, it was enough for Toritsuka to fall in love (not that it was unusual for people to fall head-over-heels for Teruhashi at first sight). The blush on his face was evident to any passerby. “Wh-wh-wh-who’s that super pretty girl?!”

“That’s Teruhashi. She just passed by you for no reason whatsoever. You should thank her.” For the first time, Saiki was glad the school’s idol appeared since it meant Toritsuka would stop flirting (and thinking) so much about (Y/N), especially in such perverse ways.

That was a new thought.

Did you see all the nooks and crannies on her body, Saiki?! thought Toritsuka.

Suddenly, Saiki was glad that Toritsuka said stupid things so he could focus on that instead of whatever those thoughts were. “Don’t make it sound so perverted,” said Saiki.

“Watch out, here comes a swarm of girls,” warned (Y/N).

The crowd of girls mobbed Toritsuka with questions about their Guardian Spirit.

(Y/N) chuckled. “He seems quite content with the attention.” They weren’t an idiot; they saw how Toritsuka looked at them and girls. They were polite, but they were careful.

“Too much for my taste,” muttered Saiki.

“He’s very…honest with the boys.” (Y/N) sweat-dropped as Toritsuka bluntly told the boys that their Guardian Spirits were “old hags” and an “old geezer.”

“He’s very obvious,” said Saiki.

“At least he seems to be honest,” remarked (Y/N), “since he was impressed by Hairo’s.”

“You believe in psychics? And mediums and all that?” asked the pink-haired boy, glancing at them.

(Y/N) shrugged. “I mean sure, why not.” They smiled. “Life is more fun with the fantastical involved, ya know.”

I find it boring and annoying to have this much power. But I can understand their view. Saiki nodded.

“Hey, what’s my Guardian Spirit?” Nendou appeared out of nowhere.

“Now that’s something we can both say is interesting,” commented (Y/N).

“Yes,” agreed Saiki.

Toritsuka just ignored him.

(Y/N) sighed. “Man, I really wanted to find out. If Toritsuka tells you, let me know. I’ll buy you coffee jelly in return.”

Saiki would tell them if he found out anyways. When Toritsuka didn’t tell him later, the only reason Saiki wasn’t disappointed over losing coffee jelly was that he was too surprised to see Nendou’s father was Toritsuka’s Guardian Spirit. During the night, however, Saiki lamented the loss of coffee jelly.

I’ll just have to go to Café Mami tomorrow and maybe encounter (Y/N).

It seemed the following day, (Y/N) had the same idea. I wonder if Saiki would like some coffee jelly. What am I thinking? He’s always up for coffee jelly. (Y/N) smiled and went down to Saiki’s house. They rang the doorbell.

Saiki opened it.

“Hey, Saiki, I was wondering if you wanted to go to Café Mami with me,” said (Y/N).

“I have a problem right now.”

“It must be serious if it keeps you from coffee jelly. What is it?” asked (Y/N).

“…” Saiki didn’t want to respond since he was slightly embarrassed about his extreme fear of insects.

“Come on, I won’t tease you,” reassured (Y/N).

“There’s a roach.”

“Gross.” (Y/N) shivered at the thought before taking a deep breath and smiling bravely. “I’ll get it. You just hold open the door so I can make a run for it.”

Saiki nodded and held the door, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the bug.

(Y/N) tiptoed into corridor and looked around. Sure enough, there was a roach on the floor. (Y/N) took out their handkerchief and crept closer to the insect. Pouncing, they grabbed it quickly and rushed to the door. “Gross, gross, gross!” They tossed it outside, and then Saiki slammed the door.

They both breathed a sigh of relief.

“How about we wait a minute for it to leave the front walk and then go to Café Mami?” murmured (Y/N), their back against the door.

“Are you an angel?” They perfectly anticipate what I’m thinking and make me feel comfortable. It was a strange thought but a true one. It seemed Saiki couldn’t avoid really being friends with (Y/N) and thinking of them as one.

(Y/N)’s cheeks turned pink. They hadn’t anticipated that or their own reaction, and they stammered out a “Huh?”

“Nothing.” Saiki avoided speaking again until they arrived at Café Mami.

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ever-go-on · 1 month

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seeing traces of what might be another child part

#my posts #actually did #actually dissociative #i chalked them up to being an existing child having a unique trauma response but... hm. might not be #just like the last kid i identified this month ive known about their trauma responses and symptoms for a while just didnt think it might be+#+a separate part. even though actually that does make sense #welcome to my brain we have many developed children and even more child fragments

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communistkenobi · 1 year

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something I’ve noticed while rewatching other star wars properties after having watched andor is that it’s difficult to watch them without thinking about andor, almost as if andor has produced a new interpretive lens for the star wars universe. and I’m setting aside all comparisons of narrative quality or pacing or cinematography for a moment, because I don’t mean those things.

for example, rewatching the mandalorian, din’s amban rifle is really cool. it’s a weapon that is illegal to have in the new republic, and it functions not only as a mid-to-long range weapon, it also acts as a fairly heavy duty taser. now as I said, this weapon is very cool. I like it a lot! but its function and existence is meant to be separate from who din is as a person - the fact that he has a weapon that doubles as a taser is not meant to be a commentary on his character aside from “this guy is a badass.” to be fair, I think what it’s meant to be is a tool of his trade - he’s a bounty hunter, he hunts people, tasers are handy for that. but there is no larger observation being made about the type of person who would use a weapon like that, or the type of society that would produce a weapon of that kind. there is no discussion in the mandalorian about how the specific economic and social demands being made of din require him to use what is by all accounts an incredibly vicious (and outlawed) weapon to “just do his job.” that is a settled matter that is not intended to be part of the narrative arc of the story.

but in andor, a taser prod is used as a weapon by the prison guards in narkina-5, and in fact the entire floor the prisoners stand on acts as a kind of collective spatial taser. these are not just meant to be narrative obstacles for our hero to overcome, they are actively saying something about the institution that uses it - that the very fact of their existence is evil, that a society who produces those types of weapons are making a particular kind of statement about how they view control and punishment of the people they govern. tl;dr, andor is making that kind of weapon political, and is asking the audience to consider it not just as a tool of the empire but as an ideological expression of the empire itself.

and so to get to the point I’m trying to make, I think a lot of things in star wars are very much settled matters. while the canon seems to constantly be re-litigated and retconned, fundamental premises are not really considered questionable or up for debate, especially a lot of the established visual traditions. and I think what andor is doing is presenting the audience with these very questions - it is reinvigorating the politics of star wars by insisting that a lot more things in the universe are up for debate, that they are politically and socially produced by the fictional societies and cultures and governments that exist in star wars, and every piece of equipment and clothing and relationship says something about those fictional people. it is asking you to view star wars as a universe that is infused with political meaning, and that politics is not a discrete category that things like tasers or prisons or arranged marriages or administrative process can be separated from. to take down the empire in andor, you don’t just have to remove the head of state or kill all the stormtroopers; you need to destroy all the tasers, too

#sw.txt #mando.txt #andor #hm. not sure I’m making my point #like you can probably disagree with what I’m saying #it would be helpful if I remember more sw lore but I’m rusty #anyway I am going to take a shower. hopefully this makes sense lol #this is not a dunk on mando btw it’s just the example that got me thinking about this #I think on average mando skews more politically charged than not #although s2 dampens a lot of that. ANYWAY

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peliginspeaks · 3 months

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Listen, I'm sorry to the people who draw Veils in torn/bloody robes because of the whole Vake thing but you're simply wrong. Do you think Veils would Ever go out like that. Do you think it doesn't have fifteen changes of clothes ready immediately, with options depending on the day and occasion, to climb into when it comes back from killing things. Of course it does. Veils is getting home, taking a shower in the Bazaar, putting on a new perfectly clean robe with accent panels and silk trim, and then dabbing 1 (one) tasteful bloodstain on the hem of it with a claw because it's arrogant and it thinks it can get away with it. What is a Veils if it's not serving cunt. Of course it is.

#Fallen London #Mr Veils #BaL spoilers #i do love veils it's awful. i love it as the interpretation of a beast unchained and a wild thing resenting its constraints #and that's the most common interpretation of it i tend to see #but Also it is a politician. so so so clearly. it covers up its crimes with spotless cufflinks and talks the blood away #it's spent hundreds of years swaying who it wants and killing who it wants in kind #the apparent clashing of its domains is funny sometimes but also to me it makes perfect sense #fashion and violence. look elevated enough and anyone will believe you. kill ruthlessly enough and the ones who don't don't matter #it's the perfect cover #it's also why in spite of seeing some relatability in its moments of straining for freedom Hallowrove doesn't regret killing it #if it were just a beast following its instincts out of control that would be one thing #if it were even a consicous thing bringing anything to ruin it could as revenge for being trapped that's another #but it just so clearly enjoys having power over things. and using that power to crush #and the manipulation beforehand #...hm. makes me wonder if the feelings in the early vake dreams were genuine #or if it constructed the rush to lure the player further into hunting it #.... you know what i think it was genuine actually. and i think it still doesn't matter.#sorry for bag a legend rambling on the funny poast i just think about it a lot still #in spite of finishing more than a year ago

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dootznbootz · 2 months

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I think some folks MAY have gotten the wrong idea about how I feel about Circe with some of my posts. So, to clear the air...

Homies, I love that fucked up sorceress.

I love how we're never given a reason why she turns people into animals. That's so funny and so awful. And another potion-making magic gal?!?! I love that she's just basically vibing on an island doing whatever she wants. I even love the fact that she scares Odysseus shitless! She's morally gray and that's why she's FUN.

I just sincerely hate when people try to girlboss her or have her be a victim of SA when she never was Looking at you, Miller. Especially when she was actually the one who coerced Odysseus in exchange for his men being transformed back into humans. And even then, while he was clearly afraid of her, (it's in the language of the Odyssey) she likely meant him no harm after a certain point. He just didn't know that.

Why does she need a reason to do awful things? Why can't she just be a goddess who does whatever she wants? That's the reason why I love her!!! She's fucked up!!! :D

I hate what the Telegony did to her as well! >:( You're telling me, this sorceress goddess, who makes potions (!!!) wouldn't have magic contraceptives??? Would WANT CHILDREN?!?! WITH THE PATHETIC WIFEMAN?! No. Fuck no. Eugammon of Cyrene, I have beef with you 🤬

Anyways!!! Understand all the "#anti circe" I have is simply Anti "Girlboss Circe" or the book. I genuinely think she's neat af as her morally gray, fucked up sorceress self and just get frustrated with...everything :'D

#I have these same feelings with Medea and Medusa and so many others. Penelope too. Let them do something fucked up just to be fucked up #I'm a “god forbid women do anything” in the sense of 'she did a fucked up thing. That's why she's fascinating. Don't take her awfulness #away from her!!! please! I wanna study her under a microscope!'😭#PLEASE #...I actually kind of don't like the idea of her actually caring about her nymphs :P maybe she “protects them” but like...#I see her as a “Why are all of you dancing? Oh. it's a birthday? hm okay. Just make sure your duties are done.” while not caring #whose birthday it is. She's not really shown to be close to them during the Odyssey and idk just seems in character for her to not give af #save me morally gray circe #<-making that a tag now because...yeah. She absolutely wouldn't save me though.#Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #anti madeline miller #anti circe #<-THE BOOK! I HATE THE BOOK! LET HER BE AWFUL YOU COWARDS #Why do women need to be SA'ed to be strong Miller?! >:(#...Ima say it. The pathetic wifeman is more relatable to me than Hot Snake Monster Lady when it comes to this stuff.😤#I just sincerely hate the fact that people erase what happened to him you know? It's silly but it means a lot to me.#Also I think she got bored of him immediately and simply let him chill at her place.#She's a goddess. She's got better things to do and she absolutely doesn't love him and he absolutely doesn't want her.#I don't have with Eugammon btw. He's dead and I'm exaggerating but I STILL hate the Telegony >:(#tw sa #kind of??? idk #barely mentioned but yeah #Calypso though?? Yeah. I hate her in practically everything except Pirates of the Caribbean because that's not Odyssey Calypso

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volivolition · 3 days

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suggestion do you have... any wants? like obviously you do but like? suggestion my guy my ourple boy. both the easiest and hardest to write. you need a skill to say something to move conversation along but it doesn't fit any skill in particular? about 80% of the time you can have suggestion say it and it will make sense. but like actually characterizing him... how do i define you dude... what makes your character tick... urgh. i dont get you yet. im trying to understand but you are difficult.

#chemi chats #there are some skills that i just dont understand yet and that just means i have to work on their character study chapter #im reading his bio and i think suggestion is a good manipulator and it's instinctive and he tries not to feel bad about it?#he's clever!! charming!! friends with savvy and drama. planting seeds in the mind and coaxing them to grow towards him like he's the sun.#a crude oil reservoir lying beneath a carefully laid flower bed. taps into the roots. the plants don't know any better than to drink.#he's great at sensing what makes people tick and uses that to his advantage. he needs goals to look forward to so he knows how to best #pull the strings to get them there. otherwise he's a bit aimless. he likes being useful. and since influencing others is helpful #he just keeps doing it? because it's what he's good at. and he tries to convince himself its fun and cool and just cuz hes charming and #it's his role as a skill and manipulation isnt thaaaat bad because it's helpful to them after all... but he does feel bad sometimes.#oh im listening to his voice lines and i just got to ''brother you should have put me in front of a firing squad'' and im sad about him now #but what do you want for short term little guy?? probably for people to like him. he likes chatting with people. i bet he'd like genuine #conversations with no strings attached but there's always some part of him filing information and tidbits away that he can't turn off #subconsciously figuring out things he can hold over them or how he can nudge them into thinking someth-/wait.../ no. no he's just talking.#he's /supposed/ to just be talking stop analyzing them stop falling back into that just have a normal conversation!! but he can't help it..#hm. this is all really helpful for his chapter. he and empathy are very alike but also different. very interesting...#task: swept up #okay good talk everyone i think i understand him a little better now lmao?? still gotta figure him out some more hes not fully there but ye #also i think he goes by whatever pronoun you think he'd use. just ''oh what do /you/ think i am hm?? what /would/ i use; do you think?? :)'#funny fella. i love you.

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skrunksthatwunk · 4 months

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aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)

#god they're the only healthy part of this unholy mind-palace love triangle/throuple aren't they #they could have been the worst qpr/throuple in your social circle. like just insufferable when they're not getting along #if griffith hadn't [oh god oh fuck oh jesus christ] all over everything even remotely good in his life anyway #poor casca's in love with a gay man and then falls for his not-quite-boyfriend and when not-quite-boyfriend reciprocates said gay man fucki #g. Does The Eclipse Stuff. at least partially to get back at you two. oh my godd #i'm sorry i'm so not normal about them. it's starting to leak out into the blog bc i'm finally having a Berserk Moment since starting tumbl #but whewwwww. gotta get this outta my system #hope this wall of text makes sense oops <3 #berserk #berserk 1997 #how do i even tag their thang. their disastrous just horrible agonizing 3 guy dynamic. hm.#gutsca #griffguts #don't even know if anyone tags for griffith and casca. fair because 1) he raped her. yikes 2) he just straight up isn't into her #and i don't know if there's a tag for the three of them but trial and error led to nothing #but i wanna talk about their dynamic. their. (gestures wildly) whatever. it's not about thinking griffith should kiss anyone it's about lik #the agony. the pining and the torment and whatever miura so beautifully crafted for me specifically. sheesh #hope it's clear that i Don't Want Them To Be An Uwu Little Polycule Bc Casca Should Not Be In A Cutesy Throuple With Her Rapist #it's more that i think they kind of are or almost are part of this (gestures wildly again). Thing. with each other and i wanna talk about i #same with griffguts like oh man they should NOT be in a relationship. but i have this deep intense Need to study them and frankly they're #kind of crazy about each other for a while. like they care about each other so so much it's crucial to all three of their characters.#so it's kind of unavoidable. and i wanna talk about it. and have this read by people who also want to talk about it. yeah? yeah.#(and yeah i think griffith raping casca was about her and guts. like 'fuck you for making him okay with leaving me' type of vibe. even #though it wasn't her fault he's just. god. but it sure as hell isn't Mostly about casca because griffith's making eye contact like the Whol #time with guts. he makes him watch. it's just. shooooooooooo aughhhhghhghh fucking. jesus christ. that or it's the fear that his two most #important pawns are going to leave him Together and he just. can't deal with that. especially after the torture internment thing.#he's so weak and he was so close to his dream and now it's falling apart and they're leaving him and he can't even move. it's about making #damn sure they can't escape him or forget him ever again.#or maybe it's even a 'you can't have her she's mine' to guts but it's still largely like. spiteful/about possessing her as a soldier/human #because i don't think you could convince me it's about having her as a lover or about controlling/hurting/possessing her body.)

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084392 · 1 year

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.......i need to catch and name her nessie.

#pokemon gsc #pokemon hgss #ikkkkkk lapras is based more on the loch ness monster but. whatever...its about the atmosphere....or something....#....it would be such a cute name for her tho i think🥺#tho. the name nessie comes from “loch ness” which is the name of the irl lake so. would it make more sense to name her #after the lake of rage or........hm. i love overthinking things</3

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normalenjoyer-png · 4 months

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HMM. i could also have glitchtrap control be done via literal brain control. cause the only time william had michael almost completely under control was when he was having Nightmares.

#this could work esp for later vanny #i don't think i wanna lose the manipulation aspect entirely cause she's not an unwilling follower she's just reluctant #but. hm. i'll think about it #cause i'm also j thinking ab how van mimics some gltchtrap mannerisms (skipping and flowy mvmts)#and for this au it would make sense that it was more gltchtrap than her in those moment #THINKING ON IT 👍#sb:au

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trentcrimminallybeautiful · 1 year

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yknow i enjoy tedependent as much as the next guy, and i get the temptation, i truly do, but i think implying or outright saying trent imploded his career and told the truth about giving up his source only or mainly because he had romantic feelings for ted takes away from what actually happened there?? like. him being willing to throw away his career and in such a spectacular way (not just quitting but actually probably fucking his chances of working further as a journalist at all, i gather) wasn't necessarily a rom-com moment in the sense that it was for ted or about his feelings for ted alone. it was about himself, his own growing dissatisfaction with the toxic world of sports journalism and the kind of writing he was doing, the desire for "something deeper". that's not to say there's no tedependent take on this, or that hypothetical feelings for ted couldn't or didn't play a role. but like, it's also about his own character development, even if it is driven by ted (as many of the characters' developments are)

#it is true that it might not have happened had it been someone else #but not necessarily like.#the potential romantic feelings and this stem from the same thing (ted being ted) but like #one doesnt cause the other #does that make sense?#like. ted (being... well‚ ted) inspires trent to be better #and the situation being that trent was basically put in the position where he had to hurt someone he both respects and like #clearly just likes as a person (romantically or not) is what made him apparently finally decide enough was enough #(AFTER writing the article‚ notably‚ so that might lend credence to the idea of trent choosing to be the one to write it #in order to make it somewhat kinder--however you feel about that)#anyway all this to say i do love tedependent though and it's also extremely funny if like #trent is explaining this to a family member or smth like 'and i just. being put in that position where i have to hurt someone i respect #someone i genuinely like and think is a good person. that just really gave me some perspective #on how i've been dissatisfied with my work and my job for a while. and i think i want something deeper #something more meaningful and fulfilling. something i can truly be proud of' you know all dramatic moving soundtrack #and then the music cuts and they're like #'hm and also your big embarrassing gay crush on him?' and hes like '[sigh] yes and also my big embarrassing gay crush on him.'#what if i made this a silly little oneshot. what then #trent crimm

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donut-button · 11 months

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Before the beloved comic con suit, there appears to have been another Sam & Max mascot suit made to advertise the cartoon. We know Max at least had one. This is as much confirmation as I can find at the moment. These of course could be wrong and I’m only speculating based on information here.

Sources:

The Sam & Max Homepage (fan site)

Totally Fox Kids Magazine - Spring 1998

#sam and max #sam & max #sam and max freelance police #could be wrong and im open to be corrected #tried to find any info about this fun fair at all and nothing #i even checked fox kids commercial breaks recorded on yt during april and may 1998 and nothing #when i first read the magazine page i didn't think much of it and didn't think it was an actual suit - like maybe some cut out you take a #photo with or something #but mascot suit make way more sense #also the magazine photos are my own because i couldnt find any scans of this issue online #every other issue with sam and max content has been archived but this one so i just had to take the photo myself sorry #sorry if this ends up being wrong but this is really making it look like there's some lost max mascot suit out there #unless im late to the party and its common knowledge akjsdfhkjsd #the cartoon #mascot suit #own photos #website findings #i also thought maybe they just put max here and the trademark stuff because they used max to advertise the event on this page and he's not #necessarily there but- that doesnt really make too much sense and would be false advertising in a sense so.. hm #my own photos

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bumblingbabooshka · 8 months

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Kes????????

#The voice - The hair - The clothes to some extent - The ears - Her name even starts with a 'K'#What's that about?????#from the episode 'unforgettable'#first time I'm watching it! I mostly rewatch pre-Seven seasons so I can see B'Elanna and Tuvok more + they're a little goofier #Kelan(?): -huskily- Don't you wanna hear about our last night together~????#Chakotay: Hm?#Kelan(?): We....shared a kiss <3 #OH!!!!! THIS IS THE 'that was a joke! don't deny it!' EPISODE <3 #Tuvok: (tells a joke) / Chakotay: That was a joke!/ Tuvok: It wasn't a joke but if you think it was who am I to stop you?#Chakotay: We need a place to put this trained fighter. / Tuvok: The mess hall? / Chakotay: AHAHAHA~!!! But seriously can you-?#Tuvok: Yeah of course sorry. Back to the point-#HARRY'S SO COOL~!!!!#'No defense has ever stopped these weapons' Harry: Then we may be about to make history. <- ACTION LINE !!#he is what the writers wish Tom Paris was I've saidit once I'll say it again!!#Harry also knows what the best security detail squad is??? So tuned in to the crew. Love that man #SNRKEHEHE AND THEN HE HAS TO EXPLAIN FOREPLAY TO SEVEN #weirdass episode <3 I sense zero chemistry between them but I rarely sense chemistry for women-of-the-week #Chakotay just went from being super suspicious of her to loving her ardently #which I guess if I was Chakotay is fair. He's got ZIP going on #Honestly amnesia to amnesia to amnesia like a gd soap opera is so funny though - I love goofy shit #I wish she'd stayed just so that she and Chakotay could keep forgetting they loved each other through increasingly convoluted means #culminating in a coconut on the head #Chakotay sorry about your zero rizz v_v HILARIOUS how quickly she was like 'uhhh sorry dude I've GTG'#Funny episode where Chakotay went through a lot of shit and everyone else just had a mildly exciting few days #actually it would have been SO funny if she just showed up every so often like once every other season like 'Chakotay! I remember!'#and Voyager has to create a protocol about it. Kelan's back captain. It's gonna be a whole thing for like three days. Get the coconut.#Neelix was also really great this episode!! <3 #This episode was underwhelming BUT...I have a special place in my heart for 'Something weird happened (shrugs)' episodes!#& I love the continuity cheat of just having them all forget it ever happened twice over

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todayisafridaynight · 9 months

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I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:

I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]

This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing

This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me

Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.

With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…

It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.

Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.

To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.

It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]

When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.

And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…

It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.

I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.

So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.

And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.

Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.

To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…

Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.

But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.

So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.

And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?

Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…

Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…

Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]

To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.

He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.

Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…

As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.

Self-destructiveness

It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.

I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.

I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.

From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.

Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad

I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."

Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")

Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.

Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.

I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.

Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]

I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…

Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]

Lol

Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity

Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]

Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately

That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.

This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.

Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.

High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks

I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.

Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)

Lol…

Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others

Lmao Even…

Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)

I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.

Abandonment issues

Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.

Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place

Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG

Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]

Rofl Perhaps…

Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]

He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.

Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)

Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.

Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")

The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.

[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard

EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…

......

... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao

ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE

#long post #cw csa #doublin up to add cw warnins in the tags just in case <3 lemme know if i should throw more tags down here..... im bad at cw tags....#i forget my bookmark tag for asks from you i stg if i cant find this ask in the future im kmsing (in minecraft) immediately #snap chats #THE SNORT I MADE AT THE DEADPAN 'LOL'☠️ maybe i SHOULDVE put text In The Main Text i have A Lot of Thoughts..#im leavin the main text empty since. ngl i was just gonna compare/contrast to myself again... and say a lot of what weve said b4..#UNFORTUNATELY a lot of the things listed here uhmmmm Hm <3 Uh Oh <3 i do understand. Dare I Say personally. just a bit #I DO HAVE TO DISCLAIM ive never been a survivor of THOSE circumstances or really. any abuse tbh- brain just sucks and im a baby #and i cant say no BUT ANYWAY I HAVE REASONS FOR BEIN AN EGOTIST I SWEAR its cause I Somewhat had those exps/i understand them #i can REAAAALLLYY easily see where your points are coming from.... very easily even... like very in-depth..#even if i didnt cry bout spilled milk every other day it IS clear to see the signs of abuse in sawashiro once you know them #i've def talked bout those aspects of him whether in tag rambles or in streams or have Attempted to express it via fics #so really the bits to chew on for me esp this time round is the more CSA aspects #tbh when it comes to bein unable to see him intimate or 'underdressed' i agree: incredibly hard for me to imagine #the thing with 'symptoms' of abuse is that they kinda overlap i guess ??#in that regard it can either be a need to impress or protect himself/needing to be seen less #when it comes to doing certain things because of CSA i could see it as a result of another abuse too. if that makes sense #THOUGH THAT ISNT TO DISCREDIT THE IDEA nono cause there still exists the Now That I Think About It circumstances of masato #even if we look at it through Western Norms(TM) two- essentially homeless- kids having. A Kid is still bizarre #cause again teen pregnancies generally happen as a result of Bein Irresponsible With A Schoolmate- not that other situations cant exist #but thats the most common innit so. def an aspect to consider. All Things Considered. esp jo's self-separation from ikumi #BUT YEAH i feel like if i try to respond im just gonna end up typing up a textbook bout abuse since. UNFORTUNATELY #childhood psychology is my field of interest. and aint no one readin THAT phat thing. esp when ill prob repeat myself or you ☠️#tbh remindin meself of when i said id write psyche papers on mine and/or jo.... oops 👀💋👀 savin this to steal notes from LOL #i hope yo know i WAS thoroughly intrigued reading this. As Ive Said childhood psyche is Literally My Field and this is v thorough and good #so im always interested in readin bout How X Caused Y in Z... very interesting many MANY things to think about.. ty...#forever cursed to be an idiot cause i really wish i could talk better and say somethin of substance.. ik you said its fine but still..#im always open to chat bout this more if youd like PLEASE dont think my lack of Main Text is disinterest Im Just Stupid. But We Know That

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