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absurdumsid · 3 months

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I AM HERE TO ASK ABOUT YOUR AU'S TELL ME ALL ABOUT THEM THEY LOOK SO NICE I WANNA KNOW THE STORIES I WANNA MAKE FAN ART

SHOW MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *SHAKES YOUR DOOR KNOBS* LET ME KNOWWWWWWWWWWW AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OUHFHGFH OK BAR SANSES (BS AU) LORE TIME

The simplest ? explanation for it is Dust becomes Evil Ccino where his AU's Grillby's becomes Nightmare's "headquarters" but also other AU Hoppers' (like Error and um. one of my ocs) one stop bar. Dust is evil Ccino.... (I love putting characters in roles that theyre not supposed to have)

This takes place mostly in Dusttale and Farmtale with character focus shifting between the bad sanses. It was born from an extremely old fanfic I rediscovered (and never published, thank goodness) and built up from these two asks (Dust's tab, Dust's cooking/drinking) from the official ask-dusttale blog.

I've got some plot I'd like to hide for now so you can instead have a summary of the current state of the au !

BS AU LORE !!

Dust lives in an abandoned AU where the human has not come back. In order to pass time, he decides to take up bartending by himself (for himself). He finds some of Grillby's recipes at the back of the bar and "borrows" an apron while he fails time and again but keeps mixing drinks. Alcohol is alcohol after all.

Eventually, Nightmare stumbles into Dust's AU with an injured Killer who was shot by several of Dream's arrows. Dust confronts the two and initiates a fight, assuming that they were enemies and honestly a bit freaked out by them having his face. After a "scuffle," Killer almost dying, and a lot of negotiation from Nightmare, Dust allows them to stay at the inn.

Dust, after figuring out Nightmare and Killer are broke and probably starving, invites them to Grillby's (which surprises the two. Killer actually thought he was planning to poison them). But this eventually becomes somewhat routine-like, with Nightmare and Killer getting somewhat comfortable with Dust, though he still keeps his distance.

Some time later, Nightmare goes out to see if he can get some supplies to repay Dust, hopping through several AUs but unfortunately running into Dream in one of them. This starts a chase that ends with Nightmare in HorrorTale, where he kidnaps the Sans that just happened to see him and his brother. He immediately goes back to DustTale, which, because of the absence of positive emotions, Dream is unable to access.

Horror, startled by the new environment, two more doppelgangers, and the dust leaving him struggling for breath, attacks Nightmare and defends himself (justifiably so, the kidnapping was irrational, and now Nightmare can't bring Horror back to his AU). Nightmare once again negotiates a way for them to coexist and Dust offers to let Horror sleep at his house, saying that he usually sleeps at sentry stations anyway.

AFTER THIS IS SILLY PLOT STUFF !!

if u wanna read more um,,,, many of my saejun headcanons are actually canon in this AU,,,,,,, so u should go read those,,,,,,,,,,

ALSOO it's very VERY old but this is what the sillies look like in this AU ! I plan on revamping this for the site im making hehe (cross comes in at SOME POINT but we dont talk about that yet)

and if u wanna see the older bs related posts (because i didnt.... tag them properly) heres a bunch of links for things that are canon in this

Main BS Posts: 1 2 3 4

Stuff abt that Old Fic: 1 2 3

Saejun Existing: 1 2

BS Horror: 1 2 3(blood tw)

#bar sanses #bad sanses #undertale au #sans au #sid answers #u can RLLY tell i have a favourite #anyway thank u for asking now i have a sort of. master list. thing. for bs au #anyWAY THABK U TYSM TYY I HAVE SO MANY AUS HONESTLY I RLLY NEED TO MAKE LORE DUMPS FOR ALL OF THEM BEVAUSE I FORGET MY OWN STORIES....

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katzone · 6 months

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Answering asks #4

I have been... procrastinating over answering asks in my inbox... just a bit 🥺

I'm really grateful for everyone's patience so I'm finally sitting down to answer all the asks I got! Again tysm ;w;

• Finny art request + Timelapse and brief overview of my art process

My deepest apologies anon! Not only did you send this ask back in July, but I additionally promised you a reply back in August- and it's October now! 😭 I am so sorry for my lateness and am so grateful for your patience!

In any case, you asked for a Finny drawing so I offer a Finny drawing! As well as a timelapse of my art process and brief overview of how I do things since you were interested!!!

I wasn't sure what style you wanted me to draw him in (I have so many styles RIP) so I picked the most difficult one I (sometimes) use! Aka my painterly style!

As for how I draw like this uhh, it's a lot of messing around trying to find the right colors basically!

Also focusing on quick brush strokes that communicate the shape of whatever surface I'm rendering!

I also love casting most of the upper part of the face in shadows. Does it make sense? No. Does it look good? Yes!!

As for my lineart, again- rly depends on the style I'm going for- but I tend to use a more sketchy style of lineart these days.

Like a superrr clean sketch. I think it looks nicer with my rendering style, bc the lines have that sketchy rough quality so it's easier to hide the imperfections bc I can hide under the "well it's supposed to look rough duhh" excuse LOL. Work smart not hard! I always say that.

I hope I'm making sense with my rambles. I've never been the best at explaining my art process bc I myself don't rly get what I'm doing usually. It just kinda comes as a reflex almost?? I've been drawing for so long I just kinda go with the flow at this point.

Anyhow hope it was worth the wait XD enjoy your Finny!!!

• Kuroshitsuji Musical idea suggestions

To refresh everyone's memory (bc I'm so late at answering asks), awhile back @shadowalkingschemer asked if I ever planned to make a Kuroshitsuji musical parody type songs/animations like I did for Umineko, to which I said "probs no bc an actual official Kuroshitsuji musical exists, but it sounds like a rly fun idea tho". ANYHOW- this was the followup ask I got from the same person! So let me finally answer!!!

Oki so I looked up this Beethoven's Last Night thing you mentioned and???? OMG??? It goes hard from the first few minutes I listened to. It's a rock opera I assume? And it's such a bop?? And yes this would be perfect for Kuroshitsuji, it matches that classical sophisticated vibe SO WELL with the general edge of the story (bc duh. it's a recreation of Beethoven's compositions but with epic rock music). God this is so good, thank you for the recommendation I will have to listen to the full album soon bc WOW.

• Nice person in my inbox :D

Thank you so much @eynnwwyjth !! That's such a sweet compliment too ;W; to call my art enchanting AAA ty!!! :>

• Animation advice

Thank you for checking out my YouTube @aeowolfestheater !! It's my primary social media, and I'm glad you fell down the rabbit hole of my many many uploads I posted over the years XD

To answer your question, I don't rly have the best personal advice when it comes to starting out as an animator rly! I kinda... fell into it? XD I started animating (well trying to animate in MS Paint), before I even turned 10, so I didn't really have that traditional learning curve? It was mostly a lot of trial and error, trying to figure out what works and what doesn't.

(If anyone wants to see how my old animations looked and how they improved over the years, I posted many "Animation Improvement" type videos that showcase my work over the years, so you get the idea of what I'm talking abt!)

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Best advice I can give to any animator right now is probably the boring advice I personally never took (hence why it took so long for me to get where I am now). Learm the fundementals (the principles of animation, the ins and outs of the animation program you're using, general art skills are also a bonus depending of what you wanna animate). I think it's also important when you are first starting out to focus less on making your animations smooth and clean and more on learning how to capture movement itself (that's the point of animation after all!). Learn how things move depending on material, speed, physics etc. and how to communicate that in animation. I think just observing life helps a lot. References are your friend (video references are probs the best). Ofc clean and smooth animation is great as well, but that comes after you learn the basics I think. Stay on model the best you can while animating any shot (ofc unless you are doing squash and stretch or experimental animation). It makes it look less janky. Uhh I can't think of much else right now (bc again I never rly learned animation the normal way haha), so I will link my two animation tutorials here! They are abt Clip Studio Paint EX though, idk how helpful they are if you don't have that program :'0!

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• Tumblr mutual reunion!

Omg hi @rissynicole and so sorry for the late reply!! As this post has shown so far I am extremely slow at replying to the asks I recieve in my inbox! Anyhow it is me! Katrinci! I got back on Tumblr in 2022 (has it already been over a year??)! Sadly someone else took my old username (an innactive empty blog too... I'm so mad), so I got a new username heyooo. I hope you've been well!! I'm doing better then I have in gosh, years I feel like XD. Mostly bc I'm finally out of school and finally focusing on stuff I wanna be doing (art career stuff and irl stuff!) But yeah I hope you've been well too!!! Feel free to reply or shoot me another ask if you feel like, I'll do my best to reply on time this time! (I'm so so sorry for being so late!!) Anyhow YIPPIE!

• Where to watch my silly Umineko Musical parody

It's here! I privated it on my main channel bc I thought it was too goofy/self-indulgent even for me (also it wasn't doing well and y'know how YouTube is with channels that underperform T_T), so I moved it to my secondary channel! It has both the song you are referencing and the other song I did! Enjoy :>

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• What Croatian stereotype is Katzone?

Well every region in Croatia has its own stereotype, I'm from Dalmatia, and we are stereotyped as loud. So I def fit that one! And also I fit the "cura iz umjetničke" (girl from art school) stereotype quite well. I went to an art highschool and I'm gay, autistic, slightly mentally ill and look vaguely alt (literally I don't btw, but ppl see a buzzcut and it blows their minds, like "woah that's so alternative and quirky", not knowing I only have a buzzcut so I can't pull my hair smh (trichotillomania, look it up for more info)). Though I don't smoke weed so mby I am a bit subversive and not like other art girls.

• Kat sexuality confirmed??

Oki so what @xxparanoidvampirexx is referencing here is when I posted a poll asking my followers to guess my sexuality.

These were the results!

I have been democratically declared a lesbian by popular vote. This is probably true. Listen I'm like 95% certain I'm a lesbian but you never know. My autism makes it hard for me to figure out any sense of my identity bc I often mirror ppl around me (and most of my friends are lesbians or sapphic women in sapphic relationships), you get me? We can never know. My sexuality is currently a Schrodinger's cat situation I'm afraid.

ANYHOW, to answer LMAO- I mean fair assumption. I do mostly post about women on my blog (Saldy... I got back into Adventure Time recently and my blorbo there... is a *shivers* man. I saw someone on Twitter today as that fictional middle aged men are to lesbians what Taylor Swift is is to gay men. And like. Yeah.)

• Nice person in my inbox #2 + "What's your favorite Ciel outfit?"

First of thank you so much anon for the kind words!!! I'm rly happy to hear my art makes you gayer (the only correct compliment ever). Jokes aside, but fr this is super sweet :'D thank you!!!

To answer your question, I had to go skim through this video by @/nullbutler to refresh my memory on what outfits Ciel wears throughout the anime/manga/official art.

Here's the video if you wanna watch it!

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Anyhow, my personal fave fits of his are extremely basic. While I do love Ouji fashion, I dislike seeing him in most of the oufits Yana puts him in. Like yes they look lovely, slay extremely hard and fit the visual aesthetic of Black Butler perfectly- but every time I see him in these frilly oufits I'm like "this is not reflective of his personality in any way, he would not wear this on his own, it's pure camp". Don't get me wrong- I love camp, and this anime/manga is as camp as you get. So while I love the more campy frilly oufits he wears aesthetically (and those are way prettier), I perfer when he's in stuff like this:

Like yes, these outfits are objectively less interesting and pretty- but I see stuff like this and I'm like yeah that's him. If Sebastian dropped dead and couldn't pick out his clothes anymore, this is what he would wear on his own accord methinks.

• STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD 😭

Here's my live reaction of reading your ask @porfiriea :

What do you mean?? You were 6?? I doubt you watched my 2014 MS Paint animation era, I assume you found my channel during 2016-2017 at earliest (my Undertale and Yan Sim animation era). I refuse to believe you were born in the 2010s. Nuh-uh. No. Not happening. Fake news.

Jokes aside, but it's always cool to see ppl be like "oh I watched your stuff b4, I didn't know this Tumblr user was you!" It's a strange feeling!! Makes me feel like I did leave a mark on the animation side of YouTube. Feels nice! :'D but also old. And I'm only 20!! How will I feel when I'm 30 or 40?? Will I just turn to dust on the spot??

• Grelle's gender masterpost update

I'm so sorry anon, but I completely lost interest in this topic T_T! Plus even if I ended up making a masterpost, it wouldn't be fully accurate (or at least- I wouldn't be able to verify its authenticity completely), as I don't speak Japanese. So I would have to go off of Google translate and translations by English speaking fans who understand Japanese. And I don't wanna talk too much abt Japanese queer culture either. Even though I did a ton of research, I'm not Japanese and I never went to Japan! So I'd rather not risk spreading any potential misinfo. Sorry to let you down ;;!

• Another YouTube viewer spotted me in the wild!

Omg you spotted me!! In the wild!! That animation was crazyy, bc I made it rly fast and rly didn't expect it to do well. But I remember it did super well during the first day (got 100k views on the first day it was wild), and while I love that old video, I'm like. Rly? That one blew up?? Out of all my other ones?? I mean the idea was creative! But I feel I half assed it a little, I barely animated anything for it outside the headbop tweening and blinking animation XD. Mby I'm being too harsh on 14 year old Kat here. Nahh I'm not, I felt the same when I posted it innitially as well. But hey I still love that vid. Love the style I drew in at the time, I was still using a mouse for everything back then. Love the colors too! Mby I should remake it one of these days. Mby!!!

If anyone wants to watch the animation @gentle-starlight is refering to:

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• Umineko time

@anawkwardlady This is the universal Umineko fandom experience I'm afraid. Being sad over Beato and wishing she was vibing (after you learn abt... the horrors...) XD

• ???

I'm so very concerned and do not know what this means or what this is refering to. I'm afraid O_O @hononyan what does this mean...

• What happened to my old Tumblr blog

It's completely ok to ask anon! In truth, I have this rly bad habit where I delete social media accounts when I'm having a bad mental health moment. It's always an impulsive decision I end up regretting. I deleted my old Tumblr in early 2021 I'm pretty sure, and I'm still so sad about it. I wish I didn't delete it. I had that blog since 2015 and now it's gone like poof. I can't get it back and I'm always emo abt it.

I might make like, an archive or something of my old art one day. I mean I still have most of it saved on my computer, but it would be nice to have all of it in one place publically again (it's always good to have stuff backed up somewhere)! Adding that to my to-do list XD

Oh and the worst part? I can't use my old username on Tumblr (Katrinci). Someone else took it. A BLANK EMPTY BLOG. I'm so mad. I'm soooooo mad give it back to meeee.

• THE END!

And with that I have answered all the asks I had in my inbox! Well, all the questions and stuff, I still have other stuff in my inbox like art requests but I'll get to that some other time if I feel like doing any of those! In any case, tysm for being patient everyone! Ik it took me very long to reply but I hope my responses were worth it! I wish all of you a nice day! My hand hurts from typing owie.

#📬 askbox #i talk abt sm stuff in this post holy cow.#it even has some art/animation advice bc some ppl asked for that so do read this post if it interests u!#oki DONE.#Youtube

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7rashstar · 2 months

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this ended up being way longer than expected so i’m putting it under the cut ~

i miss getting tumblr anons/interacting w ppl on this site more. my old blog had almost 2k followers n i got them allllll the time. i had had that blog since 2015 tho and only stopped using it once i made this one, (after being off the net for. a long while) this is the only social media site i wanna use. i mostly just post and ghost though, barely scrolling the dash. i miss being more interactive with mutuals

i partially abandoned that blog because i felt like there were too many eyes on me 😵‍💫 the other part was bc i was really deep in addiction, and on top of all that i had some major creepy anonymous stalkers

i’ve been thinking abt making more diary oriented posts lately bc the weathers been whack n i’m not rly going on walks bc of that, i’ve also been pretty much a full time hermit since new years. i could prolly count on both (if not one) hand how many times i’ve seen my friends. i think this has been a good thing for me though,,,been having a personal renascence the past couple months. drawing every day, playing guitar and making mewsic etc etc

also thinking abt utilizing side blogs again. maybe make one for my drawings. i drew a couple pages of a comic i wanna work on more. mostly oc art and some photo collages.

i also wanna start posting my music. soundcloud or youtube or both. maybe make some vlogs too? part of the reason why i haven’t is because nothing feels finished, but i’ve realized i used to use my old soundcloud to track my progress creating on ableton when i first got it and had no idea how to use the program. coming to terms with nothing needing to be perfect, bc it’ll never get to that ‘perfectly finished’ point. it’s earnest and from my heart as it is. i do think i should start saving up for a new laptop though, mine is pretty old and laggy. i might jus try ripping everything to an external hard drive to clear up space n see if that helps…but a fresh start would also be nice. (plus i haven’t updated my mac since mojave because it would break ableton lol)

i finallllllly saved up and bought a new phone tho. it’s the same one i have right now but it’s from ebay certified refurbished so i feel pretty good abt it. hopefully it’ll come tomorroww, this one is starting to rly shit out on me. my alarms didn’t even go off this morning 😭 ended up being late to work

i miss going to shows a lot and hanging out w ppl. i think i’m finally starting to come back out of my shell, even jus a little bit.

might boot up my pc tonight and upload some stuff (but not holding myself to that lol) i found all of the old SD cards and some flash drives from my youth and some of the pictures are absolute gems

anywayyy long asf post lol but yea!! i hope everyone is doing ok

much loveeee <33

#thoughts and ramblings to the void as usual

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cerise-moon · 1 year

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im curious abt how you interpret eden and the creation sisters, considering we hardly know of those four at all! (by the way i really loved your contributions towards spacea and tiempas redesigns, that art looks really nice :D). what are their personalities like?

First of all thank u qvq

I really like designing,,, and for fun facts the original concept designs were actually just redraws of fanart I did for them like a couple years back. At first anyway jhbsjbhsbjhsj

---

Eden first, since they're rather simple.

In the Timebreak rp scene? There's a severe Lack of Kieran and Clear (we've had players of them before but they've disappeared or gone inactive/haven't been involved in the main au.)

How it goes is; they've managed to 'recreate' well- at least an Eden lookalike. Data and such wise, this Eden basically has to start from scratch with collection, save for whatever was still in the system. "Memories" for them are limited. Save for a friend's OC whom is also a MysFigure.

They're very friendly, in an unnerving way. They have such a peppy and happy attitude to the point where some can say it feels unnatural. Pokemon especially with good intiuition; (ex. Delpha), can see through this facade.

Until they can 'recreate' their partners, they're basically forced to solo-handle a lot of the MF main story stuff. Very charismatic, very good at manipulation.

Their disguise is as a Professor at Axis High, in which they use their position to monitor the students and alumni that are league leaders + have secure access to the Axis High Labs and Platinum component.

... The Puppet Master thing in this AU seems very complicated and probably would have its own post if anything jbhsjbhsbhjsbj.

They prefer to get literally any work or situation done with any means But fighting. The more compliant the person they need is, the easier it is. The less risk taken, the better.

(Sylveon, Lucario-Mega, Leavanny*, Blacephalon, Crobat, Silvally-???)

---

Now the Creation Sisters--- WELL. A lot of their (Spacea and Tiempa's) stuff is referenced from canon events, of course. But I also took a bite out of the Wispy Ruins Chest Quest + Lost Castle Lore and used THAT in a bunch of stuff.

Griselda is still a worm, just as in canon. That much is fair lol. Unlike her sisters, she can't really turn "human" again yet, but I do have a human design for her (based off her ingame sprites.)

The key difference here is that she is still PRESENT with Geara past Valor-- in her own way anyways. She's still doing whatever the fuck she wants. But this makes things... hm. Fun I suppose. She purposely interferes with stuff Spacea and Tiempa try to do-- mostly out of spite. She does a lot of things out of Spite, actually. Like adopting a new family because her old ones poisoned her. Normal Thursday, you know.

Speaking of that, she has her own Pokemon team... even though she's one herself. Her Mega is a Gengar, which is the evolved form of the Gastly from the Wispy Ruins Chest Quest, whom is her daughter who was turned into a Pokemon as punishment.

( GMega Gengar, Mimikyu, [GIRATINA], Beheeyem-Crest, Dusknoir-Crest, Spiritomb-Crest, Dragapult (LAUNCH THE CHILDREN.))

So yeah. She's still very snappy, even towards those she "seems" more compassionate about. On the Geara part, you're best bet is asking Geara's mun for that side of the story <3

... Now considering this place is called TIMEbreak, Tiempa has her hands full with Many things. The Stormchasers are certainly still a thing, and oh boy is shit going to go down later. We're still in like, late Chapter 9, or early Chapter 10 time wise I think. Their time will come soon.

Yeah, Spacea still exists too. Same vein of stuff. Those two pretty much have the same personalities as ingame, except now they're more pissed off with how much stuff has been going off the rails.

Tiempa is the quiet mean one. Spacea is the loud mean one. What more can I say without spoiling PLANS

(Chat they still don't know Jenner is alive again-)

#cerinterrogate #timebreak (rejuv)#eden (rejuv)#griselda (rejuv)#spacea and tiempa (rejuv)#cerirewritten #should be stated blah blah blah mostly headcanons made based of current source material whatever

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spikeinthepunch · 11 months

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rebrand conflict

idk how to decide what is a good or bad decision in terms of like...wanting to rebrand. i wish i could count back to how long i have used "morrysillusion" overall, i dont have a specific date. but i know after the white/brown antelope/wolf fursona, i think i dropped "moreyytilatot"? i think i tried to just go by "morey" in some form (i recall "princemorry" url). and then i dropped the 'nisovinsillusion' url maybe in early 2016? but i also had the coffini url here for a good while after. i cant remember if i used morrysillusion outside of tumblr around that time so. idk...

and heres the thing-- i dont really feel disconnected from my username, its fine and i think its p cool. but also in my head i keep wanting to change it, and part of that is wanting to claim a super old username i have no bad associations with. and i think part of that is bc of all the ways i am trying to do the things i was denied through my younger years-- so i am just reliving a lot of nice things and recalling the vibes and online trend etc i had. but also like.... attitude? personality wise? i feel like im not reflecting that w my current "brand" so to speak. at the very least if i didnt change my username, i still dont feel like the current look is something i want. i think the urge on the username change is just an additional feeling to push away from what i have been under this name.

the username i keep wanting to fall back to is 'spikeinthepunch/spikedpunch' (had the short one on xboxlive and the long one on deviantart) which was a short lived username but has no negative relations to anything, and i wished i kept it for a bit longer. and its kind of an edgy username lol. but in my recent years of growing as an adult, moving out, and being my own person, i feel soooo different than how my accounts have been presenting me. i guess ive been like soft, simple, and stiff in presentation? i think i fell into this when i was thinking id keep doing art commissions etc in a "professional" way, and especially bc i was doing my CN internship around then and wanted to still look presentable for the industry when looking for jobs. and while i certainly would love to work in the creative industry potentially, i obviously dont need to keep up that Normal-er image, i never should have, but also at that age and time i didnt feel like i could be that way at all. i was far more nervous of people interpreting me badly, negatively, etc if i was more edgy or mature. i was young and not dealing with my issues and so fixated on trauma etc.

this is also lining up w my plans to rework my website too. and i think a lot of this feeling also comes along w my "mascot" who i think is lovely! but him being a "mascot" makes him.... very detached from me as a person. i havent had any sonas to relate to in almost over a year... and my mascot was never meant to be a sona, just a Guy to represent my vibe (the colors, aliens) and social media appearance. and i guess i dont like that vibe anymore. i havent even felt all too into the shift i made to Mikike just having a vague spacesuit either, i felt i was just forcing that in order to fit the simple minecraft skin format for readability. (if people were to draw my skin, making it plantigrade and less animal would be easier)

and of course an additional observation i have had in more recent times are manic episodes that make me uproot parts of my life and change a lot of stuff about my identity etc. it may not seem like that happens online but its bc i manage to hold back on changing things abt my online branding lol- but it often results in making sideblogs for whatever new fandom/media i attached to in my episode and irl changing my entire appearance to fit and much more (and promptly drop both in about a month or so- its why i have so many abandoned sideblogs). this is obviously the bigger issue bc its what makes it Very hard for me to not do this (n yes i am in a bit of an episode rn despite my medication so...). and shocker, so many of my username/url changes and failure to ever keep one long enough to form an identity is related to that as well! its a surprise i havent done it in years but it was the expectation to stay with one identity, one look, in order to be Normal and recognized in a professional way, and i dont like that.

making this post and dumping thoughts has me thinking on a solution. as i said i dont really feel detached from my username. but what i dont relate to the most now is the way i feel i have gotten stuck in presenting myself online, and as a "brand". i want to toss out my color scheme, my mascot, my outward attitude. i want to let myself actually present in a way i like and not in a way that feels "clean". when my wcrp got shut down i had to come to the idea of acceptance and letting go of things i cannot control. and the reality of what truly doesnt matter in terms of what people may think of me. that was a huge pressure left on me for YEARS thanks to 2014-16 tumblr mindset and it is so so much harder to break esp if you want to try and be a creator and build an audience. i felt like i had become aware of this, and i have, but i didnt really click the fact that i wasnt into my current online presence bc i was still living with a piece of that era.. the fear of getting popular and being 'called out' for something for years ago, that wasnt even serious or bad, feeling like i was stepping carefully everywhere even when nothing was wrong. this doesnt entirely tie to WHY i want to do all the above. its just an observation on one of the things that hold me back too. just staying the same and staying safe. i hardly ever post, and while its something i chose to do its also a 'bonus' to not giving people much things to read off of me and assume from too.

this is getting too long and i think i have my point. idk what im gonna do but im thinking a lot abt how i should take control of my online life.

#sorry this could have been a shorter post but you know me #also. i cant change my username on all my sites either :/ so #my icon has been blank for this reason btw

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luobingmeis · 9 months

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lrb i think something very. interesting. that has cropped up from the push for “good pure moral media” is that it has simultaneously brought the “push for representation” movement—something that is good and should be promoted bc all different types of people should be represented in media, not just the white/cis/het/able-bodied—to this idea that media should at all times be Representative. like maybe it’s just a slight difference but i think a lot abt that post that occasionally goes around that’s like “if ur writing just to check of a series of boxes in representation, ur gonna end up with very flat characters.” like, yes, A Lot of the conversation abt representation also began with a lot of media falling into the trope that the only Black/queer/disabled character was also the villain, which then in turn causes negative associations while also feeding into stereotypes one way or another, so i won’t discredit that. but Now it’s like. how much media upholds itself on “finally being pure representation.” finally showing “good people.” like yes at all times u should be cognizant of Who ur representing and in What way (who is the villain, who is the antagonist, who is being upheld as the good heroic one, etc), but sometimes it just feels like. “everyone in this media has to be good and pure to prove it’s not like degenerative ~other~ media” (op’s note: heavy sarcasm there) or it feels like “if we don’t represent everyone here in a way that is relatable to every viewer and if they are not all good and pure then we will be torn apart.” which then feeds into the concept of “relatability” which, again, i feel like used to be about how like. you can relate to a character even if they are not like you (which tbh i believe that you shouldn’t have to relate to a character at all to enjoy and understand a story but i digress bc the main point and this one are not mutually exclusive), and now has become a bit. hm. like things are upheld as universally relatable Because of how good and pure it is? and that it Should be relatable and if it isn’t that’s Your problem.” or the even more fun “why are you consuming this media if you don’t relate to it/the characters aren’t like you” because apparently fiction is made solely so you can relate to it and not because it’s art that can be, yes, related to, but also appreciated and understood without needing to point at it and be like “that guy is like me.”

which is all to say i think more people need to read more books where the characters you love do stuff that makes you say “hey that’s fucked up.” and then you realize you still love the character and it does not change your Real Person Morals because you have come to the realization that the books you are reading as an adult are meant to entertain and are not the same as the books you read when you were five years old (you know, the ones that were meant to teach you that lying is bad and hitting people is wrong).

which is all to say (part two) that we should also not go completely opposite end of the spectrum bc that is how we cycle back to “””coincidentally””” making the only minority character the villain and perpetuating stereotypes left and right. so maybe there’s a nice middle ground.

#anyways i think ************ is fun and cute but the way the fans are showing their whole entire ass on twitter #upholding it as the epitome of good pure representation while also being very racist abt it #has really got me thinking #and also my more hot take i have begun to hate the push for needing to relate to characters #*hot take in a sarcastic/joking way. if i could edit tags on mobile i would take that out bc it feels dismissive of the prev point #and i am someone who has /related/ to characters #and still do!!#but sometimes it feels like.#there is this idea that if u cannot relate and project #and treat a professionally published character as just a mold for u to shape and take away from canon #and essentially make into an oc #then there’s something wrong with the media #also furthermore the discussion that crops up abt ‘reading abt people u dont relate to’ is so strange #bc there was such a push to publish all different kinds of stories #(rightfully so)#but now sometimes u see discourse and it’s like #people very much view consuming media as just a way to see urself /and only that and nothing else/#and thus if u consume something that doesn’t represent who u are- u must have bad intentions #(which isn’t to say that relating or wanting to see urself is inherently bad #absolutely not!#but it’s like. art in general needs to be made and treated as /more/#bc if it just works to represent and nothing else #we will just keep having these moral panics and less and less nuance)

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moregraceful · 1 year

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top 5 things you've done at barracuda games

LMAO oh god. that 15 loss streak really gave me a lot of time to fuck around. this was so fun to think abt though. under a cut bc screen caps and pictures

took beryl and jasbah to a game and danced with beryl in the stands while jasbah thought we were stupid. very important to dance with your friends to embarrassing and overplayed edm at games!!

uhh jeffrey viel chose violence for no reason last night (literally, ref whistled for an icing or something, and viel just skated up to a silver knights player who had his back turned and crosschecked him so hard the guy fell over) and i laughed so hard i started tearing up. jeffrey why did you do that, mans was just minding his own business!! he was just standing there!! it's just. so nice that the games are fun now. top 5 moment just to laugh

came up with a tender boba imagine for mark alt (ahl journeyman, old fuck, defensemen) and nick cicek (ahl hopefully not a journey man, young, defensemen) who were partners at the time. mark alt was promptly traded :') but here's the imagine (it says i posted it at midnight but i started coming up with it toward the end of the game):

no one acknowledged it but that's ok, the boba imagines are for me. MY passion project

4. the time i brought a sketchbook and spent the whole time drawing and coming up with a joey bart (san francisco giants' young gun catcher) and thomas bordeleau (at the time on a pto) fic where they fell in love since baseball had just come back. proceeded to find out joey bart is a pro-lifer so had to shelve it. i enjoyed the depressed art i made tho, was working on circles:

5. uhhhh the fact that i talked to two whole men at the game last night just makes me really proud, as someone who has trouble talking to strangers socially outside of a work context. that's a top 5 thing i've done for sure

#this was so fun!! thank you #cage replies #cool stories with kasper

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guideaus · 1 year

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trigun stampede ep1 thoughts

cant say i like it opening right away w space, but that might be bc im biased from the anime. i liked the anime's approach a lot more than the manga's, honestly. especially not just space, but the whole seeds thing too shouldnt have been shown as the first thing

i am really not a fan of the designs of... most things in the ep lol. i've got a bone to pick w the designers for this series

the first scene was v out of context so i wont pick that apart

wish meryl didnt look 10 years old, but at least she doesnt sound 10. that was a criticism i had abt milly in the 90s anime

still upset abt the roberto guy, i guess they could change my mind but so far hes :/

i like the bits with the wildlife

im not bothered by meryl's occupation change (as a journlist only i mean), it doesnt really matter to me imo

not to have nostalgia glasses on, but i miss vash's old voice. i hear this one and im like oh this is sword art online boy/teru mp100 and i dont think i like that guy's voice anyway

again with a design thing, idk how i feel abt vash having "lost technology" so present. i made a post abt this way back, but maybe they change smth (but also they cant exactly justify the whole modern jp fashion thing in futuristic sci-fi space setting either so i wonder if theyll even attempt to explain this)

i like the bit abt vash interfering w plant stuff being added as a crime. i feel like in the original anime his bounty was iconic, but in that and the manga idk why it was even there, except to establish his contrasting pacifist nature against ppl that want the reward for his capture.

it also showing mps is a bit more interesting when the manga kinda felt like it pulled order/gov out of nowhere (before knives did his best to kill everyone, mostly getting rid of that)

i love vash's face at least. hes my little meow meow, wet pathetic kitten, etc.,

im surprised nightow's never attempted to show a map of the planet before. but idk shit abt maps so i cant make any statements abt this one

i love seeing a town defend vash immediately 🥺 technically i dont think its good for new audiences, (it shows hes not some monstrous villain, but not how he couldve gotten his rep, while before it was clearly the destruction caused from other ppl going after him, and him accepting the blame) but i'll pretend that what happened to him here happened at the end of the manga instead

i thought the ep was gonna imply meryl is like a spoiled rich kid from the city, but i guess not lol... (or kinda??)

the part where the plant is explicitly explained felt a little too hamfisted, or not subtle lol, like some video game, meant for the audience, not really any character. even if they used meryl's newly-out-of-school-sheltered-kid thing theyre doing

it seems weird the bar owner was in charge of the town?

also weird they just stopped talking abt vash's arm of "lost technology"

the villain for the ep being goofy was nice. v reminiscent of the original

no one can tell me a .22 bullet comes out of vash's gun... but also ig u could say smth abt that maybe

the music sounds nice :)

seems weird the corrupt cops just leave?? wouldve thought theyd get mobbed lol... and did the plant get fixed either too lol?

i think vash telling anyone abt his bro, esp the day he met said person, doesnt make sense

i dont think that flashback was necessary, either

and knives can go all out jamming, doing what ever he wants. its fine, he can be as weird as he likes

i dont really like the ending either. i dont know japanese music, but this also has to be modern jpop lol. where are the wurmple cries

also i forgot to say but theres nothing wrong w the cgi. anyone complaining abt that is automatically dumb lol

#personal #trigun spoilers

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revenuevegetable · 2 years

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twin fantasy lyrics that are INCREDIBLY marauders coded

bc i’m hyperfixating on this fucking album and on the marauders.

“the ocean washed over your grave, the ocean washed open your grave” -regulus, obviously.

”you had a real nice face, i, i had an early death” -jegulus

”it’s not enough to love the unreal” -it’s giving early jily. pining phase.

“she said, what’s with this dog motif? i said, do you have something against dogs?” -sirius, specifically wolfstar bc they are a dog motif.

“i pretended i was drunk when i came out to my friends, i never came out to my friends… and i laughed and i changed the subject…” -james

”i am incapable of being human, i am incapable of being inhuman” -remus, about his werewolf-ness

”thank god for the little things and, fuck god that they’re little things” -marlene. she would say this.

”take your hands off your neck and hold on to the ghost of my body…you can text me when punching mattresses gets old” -grant to remus (really the entirety of sober to death is just Them.)

”you should’ve seen my cursive back then, every letter was above the line/my p’s and q’s raised their stems, so nothing crossed beneath/im a little better now.” -sirius

”you never lifted your voice, you never raised your hand, you never showed me your inhuman, you understand.” -sirius to euphemia and fleamont

“art gets what it wants and art gets what it deserves” -JILY!

”most people are jokes, but you’re so real” -DORLENE.

“i keep so quiet, it’s hard to tell i’m alive” -older peter

“these are the people that i get drunk with, these are the people that i fell in love with” -MARY!!!!

“i got so fucking romantic, i apologize, let me light your cigarette” -WOLFSTAR. (the entirety of cute thing is abt them.)

“i got so fucking romantic, i apologize, let me smoke your weed, no wait” -dorlene. they’re the og stoner couple

“dog, give me one little chance/i can make you a man/i will be your rock, dog, when you’re rolling your eyes.” -most wolfstar lyric i’ve ever heard.

“there’s no devil on one shoulder, angel on the other, it’s just two normal people.” -lily bc this would be her opinion on morals, i think.

”and i said hell is the sun/burning forever at the center of things” -dorcas.

“in my years, i have never seen anyone quit quite like you do.” -grant to remus or remus to grant depending on the time

“(did they tell me) what happened to you?” -mary to remus after he becomes a mess post 1981. listen to the song it’s the way he SAYS IT.

”when i come back you’ll still be here (when you come back i’ll still be here)” -wolfstar post 1981.

quotes 1-7 are from Beach Life-in-Death, 8th is from Sober to Death, 9-12 are from Nervous Young Inhumans, 13 & 14 are from Bodys, 15-18 are from Cute Thing, 19 is from High to Death, 20 is from Famous Prophets (Stars or Minds, the lyric is in both), and 21 & 22 are from Twin Fantasy (Those Boys).

thanks for reading !!!

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ankhisms · 2 years

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local 24 year old makes the shocking revalation that its ok to have emotions that are generally labled as "negative". just going to be musing about feelings and things under the cut im ok just thinking abt stuff

due to a life time of abuse where ive specifically been told that im never allowed to be angry or express any "negative" emotions even when im being abused and hurt and i have to always be quiet and just take everything thrown at me and be the person who takes care of my parents and my abuser even after being hurt by them continously i still really struggle with dealing with feeling things like anger and theres always a heavy sense of guilt that comes with feeling mad. but i do think ive made some strides forward in allowing myself to be rightfully mad about things without feeling guilty or beating myself up about not just shutting up and taking it and i think im doing better at not putting up with people treating me like shit (outside of my parents since its not safe for me and my mom for me to talk back to my dad) but one thing i have realized that i still struggle with is feeling jealous.. i dont think im a very jealous person and i certainly always do my best to choose kindness and compassion in my interactions with other people and i would never want to be cruel to someone for no reason so i guess what im saying is if i do feel jealous i always try to not let that seep into how i treat others since that wouldnt be fair or kind or helpful but i still do feel very guilty if and when i do feel jealous. and today ive been kind of like... sitting with that feeling and holding its hand because i think a lot of times my feeling of jealousy stems from recognizing that things in our world are very unfair and unbalanced and you can work your ass off and care so much about the thing youre doing and still be struggling to survive while someone who was born rich who doesnt work or care about the thing you both do gets really successful bc the system is fucked yknow and ive been like. yknow what thats ok to feel jealous and angry and upset about. its ok to be jealous of some rich person thriving doing the same kind of thing you want to do (art/acting in this case for me) who very obviously got to where they are thru their money because it does suck and it isnt fair! its ok to want things to be better not just for myself but for everyone else and its certainly reasonable to be upset about things being shitty. idk my words are weird rn but its been nice to allow myself to sit with feelings that ive felt guilty about due to abuse for so long and to be like its ok to feel this way and we arent bad for having emotions like anger or feeling a little envious. its ok and i will continue to make the choice to choose kindness every day. but also i do hate rich people and wish i could do more to help everyone out especially when were all struggling so much rn

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appreciatingtokrev · 1 year

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it’s true but some users do like to hide their age on here if they’re feel like they’re too old, I have seen blogs where 20’s or 18+ in their bio instead.

ah yh some users can be problematic about that. I’ve seen with most people that having friends with big age gap normally happen when they’re adults lol. also, I feel like that depends on the person and what’s their friend is like (?) regarding those experiences because I had talked to ppl with a year/two age gap too but I never felt like they opened my eyes to a whole another world.

that mean she must felt really bad then and it sound like she was nervous so probably just said the first thing that popped in her mind lol. ah, we all know each other and I wished the forgot friend a happy birthday since her one is a month before mine and before that i got her back together with the other friend that got annoyed so that’s probably why. she was annoyed though because she reacted with 🙃 when I told her 😂😂😂

it sound like Valentine must be her favourite occasion of the year then. do you know about white day ? oh I see so she probably get more excited towards the celebration as the relationship with her girlfriend become longer. it is a nice thing to see considering having a relationship like that mean the world for some people.

true true. personally believe you can never be too old (except when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships with minors or something-) but i do understand

yeah i’ve had other ppl online tell me off before bc i had a bunch of fourteen to sixteen year old friends at eighteen. i get where they’re coming from with all the grooming stuff and shit, but i was just genuinly friends with them 😭 like. i’m normal about my thirteen year old brother too?? we are very close and i could easily have the same fandom discussions with him. obviously i’d never do anything weird around minors??? you should definitely tell off people doing that but attacking adults solely for being friends/talking to minors when the conversations are all normal & the adult hasn’t done anything.. feels wrong to me. like if you can’t bring up any arguements, what’s the point? why tell me ‘‘omg you’re 18 stop interacting with a 14 year old!!’’ when the fourteen year old knows abt my age and actually approached me first 😭 idk there’s so much stupid age discourse. done with the topic now i’m tired of age discourse but i had to get it out of my system for once ajfjgjjsh

also, the world view thing definitely is a v personal thing. i’ve been in a class where most of my grade was pretty conservative and simply by talking to someone a grade above already helped a lot because they were more liberal lol. i think how much difference it can make is interesting ngl

yeah lol but i made sure she doesn’t have to feel bad about it (i hope) so it ended all well. oh well lmao

it’s definitely her fav holiday! i’ve heard of white day too but i don’t know much bc it isn’t celebrated here at all. tbh the only reason i kinda care abt it a tiny little bit is the official white day art we get in the genshin fandom lmao. she’s always been excited abt valentine’s day but yeah now she’s even happier <3 her gf & her are really cute together so i’m very happy for them! i’ve also known both of them for a few years, so i knew them before & when they got together, and i know that they both love each other lots :3

#☆—`ask #anon... any names you want me to call you? any emoji tags or smth? bc i would start tagging your asks with smth if you’re comfy to keep+#track of them. i am just having fun tagging things n putting them in order lol but don’t feel pressed

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lyrker · 1 year

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1 n 3 n 19 n 31 n 50 for the oc asks !!!!

THIS GOT SO LONG IM SO SORRY HAVDJVS

1.First oc ever ?

I’m gonna have to pass this one to good ol’ Leader Decrose. I REFUSE to get into the backstory of how he came about, but in this old world I never dive in anymore, he’s like ? A refuge i suppose ? A set of four characters (including my self insert) were based on cards and his was the diamond.

3.Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else ?

Odd situation but I GUESS ?? There’s a few but one I like is named Polaris and they’re like. a dying star. And their big brother figure is Cyrus, aka cc who thought the key to transitioning was dismembering yourself and using dark magic on a lifesize frakenstein doll he made.

They work in a fucked up lab but like, fucked up as in goofy as hell. They’re so silly (:

19.Introduce a character that means a lot to you and why

*SLAMS JACE IN FRONT OF YOU* I love him an insane amount.

Jace Luong was away when the apocalypse striked, lost his daughter thag he blames himself for (but he could never save her anyway), accidentally shot a guy and had to step down from his military position, more for his mental sake than anything, ended up using his best friend, and that last one sounds so bad. and it is. But it is for this Reason that makes me shake him like GRRRR I LOVE YOU. WHY DID YOU DO THAT oh yeah i’m the author loll !!

Because the point of Jace is that. He wants to help so fucking bad but he keeps Messing It Up. He is not evil and I cannot say that enough—he is very “the means justifies the ends” but that does Not mean he doesn’t feel bad for using Noah as a lab rat. When Noah came back to KILL HIM he cried because someone Came Back For Him, even if it was to kill him.

I don’t wanna take up too much space but it’s because he’s not evil just severely fucked up from losing his daughter and the life of being in a world filled with zombies that he’s trying to rush to make some sort of cure, so he can save people, so that people can live again instead of just survive, but he goes about it in a horrible way that, honestly, was probably inevitable.

He’s special to me because he’s a fuck up, but he’s genuinely really really trying. He is not a good person, though.

(also if he was a tma avatar he would be of The Lonely or Eye and that’s so silly)

31.Pick an oc and explain what their Tumblr blog would look like.

I’m going to go with RAYNE because he probably DOES use Tumblr, knowing him. His layout is green but also he’s probably using the Goth/Rave color pallet because he thinks the colors are nice and he’s a 3 am user so that dark mode comes in handy. His pfp is like, his favorite pokémon but with a ditto face.

He reblogs pokemon stuff—screenshots, fanart, memes, etc and he’s Definitely gotten into discourse abt the best game. Also he’s totally a Nightvale listener so throw in some Nightvale posts. I think he reblogs a lot of shitpost art but also just art in general.

And of course, the occasional cat photo and tumblr trademark textposts.

50.Give me the good ol’ oc talk.

I WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT NOAH & CO. BUT I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THEM so here’s the MoMOF crew, named after the lemon demon song “Mask of my Own Face”

It’s a classic high schoolers sci fi horror story, think stranger things except without mike bc i hate him (did not finish watching stranger things)

Basically, six kids, Rayn, Rowan, Alex, Ash, Zach and Winston are friends ! Yippee ! Average middle/high schoolers.

And one night, Rayn and Rowan (dating) are just hanging out. Rowan is conked the fuck out at Rayn is gaming on his DS, and then he gets a text from Alex saying “Dude, why tf are you outside it’s like 2 am ???” and Rayn is confused outta his mind.

“Wdym i’m literally at home rn.”

Alex attaches a photo, a shot looking thru the blinds of their window of what looks to be Rayn.

Rayn sends a selfie back of the Charmander he just leveled up and Rowan fast asleep.

And it Can’t be him if he just sent that photo, because the beanie he always wears was handmade by Asher himself—whos this guy ?!?

naturally, they text everyone, everyone’s yelling in a vc and was NOT asleep like they should be, and Rayn gets the FANTASTIC idea to go and see who the person is. Alex is yelling that they will personally stab Rayn if he does.

He does anyway.

and they’re too far away now for Alex to see, but they’re watching their phones and when Rayn finally approaches the other Rayn the camera flips and it is missing Half Of It’s Face and then Rayn hangs up.

And they Cannot Find Him.

So for weeks they are searching for Rayn and are scared out of their wits about Why there were Two and they told the police, but they don’t believe them all too much.

But Rowan finds him one night, at the edge of the forest. Half of his face looks tk have been torn away and his hat and coat is gone and he looks run ragged but oh. Oh no.

That’s the real Rayn.

And it turns out, the Rayn they’d been staying with recently was a clone.

And he’s babbling about something, saying they “Can’t trust Winston”

And at the same time, Rowan gets a call. And Zach sounds like he’s running for his life, because Winston cannot talk, let alone sing, and Zach heard them whispering the lyrics to a song he doesn’t know, and ran for it.

So, while they found Rayn, they now don’t know where the real Winston is. And it’s kinda all about not trusting each other but also wanting to stay together because What If Someone Else Gets Taken, and they can’t trust anyone at All because they won’t believe them, and they could be more clones.

Other stuff happens; Ash is going kinda insane, Alex, as the eldest, feels like they have to be the parent of the group because god they’re falling apart and they can’t stand to see it, Zach doesn’t know if the things he’s catching on camera are real or not, and there’s also an almost murder and also arson !! Both by the kids (:

It’s a fun world i like to play around with because the kids dynamics are all super fun <3

#this got so long 💀#jace is my residential wet cat he IS my favorite oc sorry i play favorites #but the MoMOF crew is so silly too (: i don’t indulge in them nearly as much tho #thank you for the ask !!!!!#oc #ocs #oc ask game #yetanotherOCmeme #I FORGOT TO ADD TWS #tw death #tw child death #tw murder #tw mild gore #tw violence

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haeroniel-doliet · 2 years

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a bonus thought post for the night!!

on that nostalgia raising feelings train but it derails so it got long so its under a readmore :*

scrolling my old art made me a bit sad and nostalgic (who doesnt get those feelings though doing the same) specifically i really have my heart going out to kid me who got basically no notes on anything. (im not saying i shouldve, art was definitely kid art and questionably tagged etc!) but some i put effort into and it made me so happy to get those 10 likes or whatever. it made me post post and post even what i was working on and unfinished bits (Sure, being me? many of those never got finished bc posting gave the hit of reward chemicals, no response meant no motivation to finish to get more yknow?)

its weird thinking ive now as an adult got a handful of posts with -hundreds- of notes. one over a thousand!! (sure, the really good and popular artists may have thousands but hey they deserve it!!) its weird that i sort of maybe now know what to do to get a reaction out of my prefered niche of the internet. that if i tried w some more consistently, who knows?

im proud of everything in my current art tag. (mostly. no. i am proud shut up brain) i feel slightly like posting more wips. bc i have a ton. surprisingly? ive been drawing way more in the past year than ive been posting (new for me). of course, there is no obligation to post it. why post stuff im not happy with? only to get anxious abt it? sure posting that one teaser when i was actively working on making it better was kinda fun. sure maybe posting some wips would make me go back and finish them bc some of them are good ideas?? but also some are just. theyd make sense to nobody but myself. and why should i share every crevice of my creativity like i used to as an attention craving kid?

my blog is my blog its me, its not a nice art blog its got all my vents and whatever i like to reblog on a given day on it all together. i could make a new tag that feels less like a portfolio to post wips i abandoned or doodles that never went further. it might be nice having them out here. but somehow i feel like id be too embarassed to post them, for my few followers to actually see them. what if i actually tagged them and ppl in tags saw my nonsense doodles? is it worth it? right now my art tag feels like its: dinluke and finished at that ONLY. things that people who come on my blog would like to see perhaps...

hahahhahahha i just crashed my Krita trying to with brash abandon look at all the unposted wips i have at once

turns out i have like. a handful of original works that never got past a rough doodle stage which is fair yknow they were just ideas that could be fleshed out but dont need to. some of them are very personal vent art

ive got a few sketch to tiny doodle to questionable attempt at painting etc bits of the star wars ladies. reminds me that i should branch out in my star wars posting and that drawing women is just way easier and more natural to me why dont i do it more?

ive got a good few fic inspired sketches that never got legs and tbf? theyre olddd now.

ive got like 12 frames of the inktober challenge from last year... in the style of posting 5 at a time, theyve all been sketched out and like half are i think finished. obviously october went long and at some point it just felt weird to post them even if i finished them. i sort of decided if i finish them up early autumn i could get away w posting them for beginning of october while i had a try at the new inktober? idk why i like a challenge to force me to draw more than i do in a year. and then it takes me a year lol. i have a set of 5 that are all inspired by fic, and like. i still like the idea of them. unfortunately? some of the references were old.. A YEAR AGO. sure theres like, the appreciation for vintage and telling ppl we like their work ages on. but i worry the authors no longer are in the fandom or want to be reminded of their work? etc etc. some of them are meh, some i like.

ngl i am especailly happy w my oct 31 post, which i really wish id finished on time for last year. heres to seeing if i post it this year? maybe i’ll finish what i want to finish of them (theres like. 2 im just really not inspired for and never was) and then have a wee collage of them to post, w the oct 31 prompt seperate, as a sort of. hey wip clear out! these are the stragglers from last year :))

maybe ill post original art one day when i get drawn enough to finish one.

ok ok hi welcome indepth to my thought process, bonus thoughts for every thought included. this doesnt need to be on the internet SURE but its a small time capsule for myself ok?

i dont think right now making a doodle tag to post wips is gonna bring me anything but anxiety and feelings of inadequacy i know too well from posting art as a teen. maybe at some point itll help break the barrier and ill just. post shit but it doesnt have to be on my ““portfolio tag”“

i could pick up an wip to finish now, ive got a good few candidates. but i think i should best just, shake off the cobwebs on smth new so i dont feel like im ruining it. it might be a rey or a leia or other star wars heroine portrait. it might be grogu bc hes an already ugly gremlin. it might be something else. i might be talking a high load of shit bc its 3 am again and i should go sleep rather than push myself in delirium. odds are tomorrow im exhausted again, feel like i should do things that actually benefit me in my life and address responsibilites, and shut down under the weight of the thought of it and not do anything until i go crazy at night again? time will tell but rn im stuck in that loop.

perhaps i should never have posted this bc its very long and personal but also? i kinda doubt anyone will read it and thats ok :)) if you are here, hi sorry that you know me better now! uhhh thoughts on the above?

#haeroniel talks #this ramble ran away from me!! it got long sorry #basically im wondering if posting wips as they are would be fun bc i used to do that but concluded itd probably give more anxiety than fun #had a look at said wips in the process and have some thoughts on them #kiss kiss goodnight i should try sleep but the brain is a fun little organ and i process thoughts best verbally (or over text #same thing)

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