#the older i get the clearer it becomes that me and my mom catastrophize about things very similarly

[suttttton]

me 🤝 my mom undiagnosed anxiety disorders

#the older i get the clearer it becomes that me and my mom catastrophize about things very similarly #difference is i found healthy coping mechanisms while my mom found homophobic death cult evangelical christianity #of course this realization makes me feel very bad for my mom because like. i get it. #she tells me that she worries about me and i know she doesn't mean the normal way moms worry about their kids i know she actually means #that she has a creeping suspicion that my life choices are going to send me to hell and she feels powerless to stop it #and her brain will not let her think about anything else so 24/7 its just alarms blaring #and because she's constructed her entire belief system around having anxiety she's like. this fear i feel is a message from god. #and i have no idea how to help her #like???? #she's literally believed these things fro her entire life giving them up feels like the end of the world #and her WHOLE FAMILY is there with her so even if she could realize she'd be happier without these beliefs #she'd immediately have a dozen trusted voices telling her no actually. your anxiety is correct and you're right to afraid all the time #for awhile when i was like. 18-19. the major question i had about my childhood was WHY didn't my mom never take me to therapy #because yeah okay she came from a culture where therapy isn't trusted and god is supposed to fix all your mental illnesses #but she read all the parenting books and universally took experts' advice over what she'd learned from her own parents #(because she knew her parents hadn't done a great job and didn't want to repeat their mistakes) #and she KNEW i was REALLY bad. i was crying all the time having her drive me to the bookstore to get books i thought might help #sending myself into anxious spirals if anyone mentioned death around me #not a fun time in my life or her life #and she DID take me to talk to my pediatrician about it so like??? why did we never see a therapist??? #i was 9 i though there was just nothing that could be done but???????? #but now i realize that what happened to me back then didn't really scan in my mother's head as something wrong with me #because she was the same way #:/