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trans-axolotl · 3 days

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content note: discussion of suicide.

this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.

when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.

there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.

as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.

i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.

i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.

there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.

i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.

Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]

(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)

#personal #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #psych abuse tw #psych ward tw #ok to reblog if u want #psych abolition #mad liberation #psych survivor #it's a lot of grief hours over here and will be for a while all week i think #lots of grief so many ways this year for so many people #but this week. his memory . my grief for him #is hitting especially hard. i think partially because of all the transitions in my life. i'm graduating college. he will never become an ad #adult.#i think i might ask my roommates if they will go do something to remember him with me. maybe making origami cranes and sending them off in #the river. or writing things down and burning them #idk. grief is hard #six years in grief is different. but hard

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bettyshoweduptotheparty · 2 days

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The cat photo looks like her with Meredith, posted on her IG on Christmas day 2018. But the picture is flipped, in the one she posted Meredith was on the left.

Thinking about the room and hallway in general, they are very modern-looking compared to the midnights room that we transitioned out of, even the door looks newer - but the typewriters are old. And why has she gone from pens to a typewriter? In the background you can hear a ticking clock, typing (I think) and, faintly, a modern-sounding phone. Everything is modern except the typewriters. And they are older than the typewriter from ATW short film which someone identified as being early 60s. Sorry I've gone off at a tangent here but why have such a modern room with old typewriters? Also, it doesn't look like it's an environment that's conducive to creativity. More like a factual/ business-like one.

Yes I think I found it. Weird that it's mirrored thought...

But you know what else jumped out at me? That jumper with the lightning pattern is part of a two piece set, and where have we seen this before? Here:

In the scene in MA where she finally makes her post endorsing a Democratic candidate. Her defiance moment. Certainly an interesting throwback...

RE your observations of the corridor and 'office', it gives me major psych ward vibes, which seems a common theme in a lot of the reactions. Like the end of a movie when a the protagonist wakes up and it was all a dream/hallucination all along. Interesting in the light of her "submitting evidence", are the songs the evidence to show that TS the brand was a hallucination all along? I like this observation from someone on twitter:

The lover house with all her eras was a hallucination and now we're about to enter the cold hard reality...👀

#asks #the tortured poets department

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lucyvaleheart · 3 days

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hhey. if i. Went to a psych ward what would i....

Mm. Does anyone have experience being trans while in one of those

Cuz. I'm. Very much not okay, like. On the brink well past crisis and out of options, kinda thing, and. Um...

...i guess just. What would i... Expect, how can i advocate for myself, and... Be safe-? Or.... Like-

......god, i don't even know where to start asking

....if anyone's got experience and is willing to talk to me about it hmu please

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latinokokonoi · 3 months

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when zoro and luffy’s twelve-month-old adopted daughter enters the stage where she begins to learn how to walk, they hold her hands for her to take her first steps. as soon as they let her palms go, she slips and her butt falls onto the wooden floor. it makes luffy immediately burst out his roaring laughs, his stomach hurting and body collapsing.

he keeps on cackling until he realizes he’s unintentionally being too loud and sees his daughter looking at him with startled, shocked, watery eyes, leading to a crying toddler.

“wait! what happened?! what’s wrong?!” luffy asks and sits up, stretching both arms to grasp the little girl and hold her close against his chest.

“she thinks you were being mean to her,” zoro firmly responds, a small smile coming out of him.

“whaaaaaattttt?!!!!! i don’t want to be mean to her!” luffy pouts at his still-sobbing daughter, so he pats her back as an attempt to calm her down, just like what chopper taught him, and it rapidly works, resulting in only small sniffles starting to come out of her.

“attagirl! no more tears! i’m so sorry for being a meanie! will you forgive your silly daddy?!” luffy coos to the baby girl with the high-pitched baby talk he solely uses for her. he rubs his nose against her cheek, picking her up and swinging her into the air each time a new giggle comes out of her.

“see?! now she doesn’t hate me anymore!” luffy brags to zoro, smooching and pretending to bite their daughter’s face, which is one of his favorite things in the world to do with her and it’s making nonstop laughters come out of her small body.

zoro will never imagine living without his adorable, precious little family.

#it’s a blurb i guess????#but i love them so much to the point where someone needs to put me in a psych ward #this is why they assigned a new psychiatrist for me /j #one piece #one piece headcanons #one piece zoro #one piece luffy #roronoa zoro #zoro #monkey d. luffy #monkey d luffy #luffy #zolu #zolu headcanons #zoro x luffy #luffy x zoro

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ratwithhands · 26 days

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Hi, Viewer Discretion:

This AU is about a nonexistent fictional mental health condition. There is imagery of straitjackets and other restraints, as well as mention of discrimination based off of health conditions. If you are uncomfortable with this content then please feel free to click off and enjoy something else. Thank you.

Dressing Sketch

Uniform Sketches

League Party sketch

Sketch dump for Battle Addict! This art has been gathering dust for a few months 😭 only just remembered to post it here.

These sketches are from Ver. 3 of Battle Addict, aka Battle Addict Twins, where both of them get the HCCM diagnosis.

The base idea for Battle Addict is that while most people enjoy Pokémon battling, there comes a certain point where one's love/obsession for battle starts bleeding into the rest of their life and becoming detrimental to their everyday life. This is usually called Combative Mania (CM), which is present in a large part of the population (40%-60%) hence why battling is so popular and so many different forms of it are made to keep people satisfied. The extreme form is Hyper-Competitive Combative Mania (HCCM), wherein a person spends so much time and energy for battles that it starts to affect their physical/mental health as well as their social life, since they neglect them in favour of their obsession.

Often what divides CM patients from HCCM patients is what they're willing to give up for battling and the extent of their knowledge regarding battles. CM patients usually only have a casual interest in battling or just enjoy the thrill of battling, but operate normally and have other interests outside of battle. They have basic to intermediate knowledge of battling, and can often partake in research or battles.

HCCM patients will often forgo food, water, sleep, school, work, and relationships in favour of researching and competing in battles. It is the only thing they find interest in and they devote most of their time towards it. Patients often memorize entire charts of statistics and different strategies and counterstrategies for battle, with different patients often having a certain subject they specialize in. Most patients with HCCM are unaware that they have it, they either assume that they have CM or that they are completely normal and just enjoy Pokémon battles. They often go into fields that work directly with researching Pokémon or battles, such as professors, scientists, gym leaders, elite four members, league workers, battle facility operators, and so on.

Ingo and Emmet do not know they have HCCM. They engage with battle and researching battle in a way that they think is typical for a hobbyist. Ingo tends to read on academic papers, textbooks, and study guides regarding the statistics and capabilities of Pokémon, whereas Emmet takes a more hands-on approach in studying Pokémon anatomy and battle strategy. Ingo often charts and studies natures, EVs, IVs, stat spreads, abilities, moves, and their properties. Emmet sketches anatomical diagrams and studies of Pokémon, including skeletal structure, musculature, organ systems, and physical appearance, highlighting pressure points in the body for executing the most damage and for keeping his own Pokémon protected. He also tends to read into psychological studies as well as conducting his own long term tests to predict a person's strategy in different situations. The two feed into each other's interests, teaching the other of their own discoveries and celebrating breakthroughs together. As a result, their total knowledge of battling is immense, which led to them becoming Subway Bosses straight out of college.

The two lived and worked fairly normally; they were very passionate about their work and it provided a way to sate their need for fighting on a regular basis, as well as giving them the space to experiment with different fighting styles and analyze others' strategies. Of course they still continue their studying outside of work, which often leads to them trying different methods or revisiting recorded battles to see how they could improve. The twins still believe their hours long discussions, piles of notes, and stacks of study materials littered around their house are perfectly fine, only stopping to reconsider after a comment from a coworker highlights how they must be crazy or incredibly disciplined to have as huge of a win : loss ratio as they do.

They end up taking the issue to a psychiatrist after dwelling on the idea for a few days, which is where they get diagnosed after a few tests and a description of their lifestyle and interests. Their case is considered moderate but could easily escalate into severe if left unchecked, though the main concern is whether this would make them a threat to other people due to their work and prominence. Obviously they don't want to lose their jobs, but this kind of thing could get them removed from the League Council if it got out, so they have to consider whether they share this information with their employers or not. Ingo thinks it'd be best to keep it under wraps, but Emmet fears that this could be used as blackmail and argues that they need to release this information themselves before someone else ruins their lives with it. Eventually they do take the diagnosis to the League Council and it gets out to the public.

Emmet takes the fall for Ingo, claiming his case is severe whereas Ingo's is mild so that the League Council will be more distracted with him to bother Ingo. That ends up with Emmet getting a new restraining uniform because the League no longer trusts him to handle himself in public based off his diagnosis. Neither of them are particularly pleased about this, but Emmet tells Ingo to look on the bright side. Emmet actually starts to find the jacket to be more of a little challenge than a hindrance, as it adds an extra level of difficulty to battles that he's been looking for, but Ingo still thinks it would be better if he hadn't had to wear it at all. This unfortunately extends to League parties where he has to be restrained to even be allowed entry, which he is much less happy about.

This post is getting ungodly long as it is but there's also a branch off of this concept where Ingo and Emmet land in Hisui together and Emmet's uniform looks like this. He deconstructed the uniform he was given to modify his jacket since by that point he had a bit of a sentimental connection to it and didn't want to just swap it out.

(Bonus fun fact: Ingo and Emmet decided to pull the biggest gag on the Pearl Clan when they first land by pretending to be one person under the alias Eki. Ingo is the polite one in the dark coat by day, and Emmet is the energetic one in the white coat by night. "Day Eki" is more popular with other Wardens and older clan members, whereas "Night Eki" is more popular with the village children and insomniacs.

The whole Warden Eki concept is technically its own AU in the background but it did originate from Battle Addict. Also I already drew Emmet in the Pearl Strait I can't take that back)

Anyways uhhh there's more let me see if I can condense it:

The twins went to a University specifically focused on battle (Champion's University), where they ended up studying subjects in their specific interests. Emmet took psychology of battle and Pokémon anatomy to learn about the weak points in trainers and Pokémon, and Ingo took general statistics and study of moves which are exactly what they sound like

The twins use the Vs Recorder all the time, both to track their own progress and to observe how passengers fight. It's often stuck to the glass windows to catch the Pokémon in the middle of the car, though they have considered buying Rotom Drones expressly for this purpose

Emmet actually has a stack of different studies on weak points in the human body but he doesn't share that with anyone, not even Ingo

Emmet's study of trainer psych has led to him often predicting tactics before they happen and dodging/countering them with his Pokémon. He often challenges himself to predict a person's team, moveset, and strategy based on appearance, gait, and body language, sharing his guesses with Ingo in case he makes any useful observations

Ingo and Emmet are possibly the first instance of causing "learned HCCM" in their Pokémon because after the training that they do together, the Pokémon have developed their own independent bloodlust and have started memorizing the move strategies that the twins have them use

Sometimes to celebrate fully completing a study on a particular set of Pokémon, the twins will eat one. This is mostly as a treat and an inside joke, but they will research what's in season/allowed and go hunt for one. Ingo is usually the one to catch it, and Emmet is the one to cook it. There's some really goofy shitposts about them going after pseudo-legendaries overseas, or Palkia's leg in Hisui

The twins can perform full medical care on any Pokémon and can often grind for hours nonstop since they can heal their teams themselves. They also save a lot on healing items this way

After releasing their diagnosis, the perception of the twins have gone in wildly different directions. Some people treat them as subhuman or as monsters, some people don't care, some people call them psycho yandere boys on twitter. Emmet tends to get more of the negative connotations, Ingo tends to get the more "positive" ones. Emmet also tends to get a lot of stares due to his restraint and status as a crazed fighter, which he pretends doesn't get to him

I think that's everything, I'm going to go collapse. Hope you guys enjoy 👍

#tw straitjacket #straitjacket #tw mental health #tw mental illness #submas #submas au #au #ingo #subway master ingo #ingo pokemon #nobori #emmet #subway master emmet #emmet pokemon #kudari #Version 1 is Emmet being absolutely deranged and Ingo getting him locked in the psych ward out of fear for his reputation and #Version 2 is Ingo being crazy and throwing Emmet under the bus when he almost gets discovered #for those who were wondering. Version 3 is best because they get to be obsessed and they drag each other further in together ♥#honestly this probably outranks Severed for my riskiest AU so I wonder how this is gonna turn out #hope this won't be the end of my career #anyways fun fact: this song is inspired by an old submas song!#Maniac Man led to me making the first version‚ then eventually I kept sketching until we got here #oh I just remembered‚ there's one scene from this AU that I think would be really funny to draw #The subway gets an overcrowding warning one day because they're holding a special event and passengers keep coming in while the twins are o #they were STARVED for battles that day though‚ so they call a Code Indigo and essentially turn the Multi lines into a 2 on 6 to get through #more passengers faster. They were absolutely exhausted by the end but damn if they didn't have fun messing around with the passengers

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i-hear-a-sound · 6 months

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this may be a misworded take but: watching (white) conservatives cover the current israel/palestine conflict happening and act as though they’ve always cared about jewish people antisemitism yadda yadda is so fucking (un)funny like. no. no. no. you don’t care about any of that shit. you don’t give the slightest fuck about jewish people, you’re only pretending to care about them because right now the people in israel are currently bombing and genociding the one group of people you hate more

#free palestine #palestine #israel #yesterday I saw a clip of some fuckers on fox news the so called “unbiased news service”#say they wanted the people protesting for palestine’s freedom “in strait jackets” and “locked in a psyche ward”#hope every one of those ableist racist pieces of shit get hit by cars I’m not joking. fucking despicable #news #politics #israel hamas war #*calls ppl wanting palestine’s freedom antisemitic*#*will then proceed to regurgitate the “there is a secret group controlling the world the economy etc” conspiracy theory like its nothing*#again this may be misworded. but idk. just all this shit makes me soo mad #hamas #current events #genocide mention #gaza

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iwantjaketosullyme · 10 months

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I JUST WATCHED SPIDERMAN AGAIN BUT IN 4DX ND WHEN I TELL U THE CHAIR WAS SHAKING THE WHOLE TIME???!!!! NOT FROM THE SPECIAL EFFECTS BUT FROM ME QUAKING FROTHING AND FOAMING WHENEVER MIGUEL ND HOBIE WERE ON THE SCREEN😩😩 I’M FERALLLLLL‼️‼️‼️‼️

#one more offence of biting someone in the psych ward nd they’ll put me in solitary confinement :(#grrrrr RAWR RAWR RAWR #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara #hobie brown #hobie brown x reader #spiderman across the spiderverse

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stormyoceans · 5 months

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The song began, and Day perked up, recognizing the first few chords from the radio version. He smiled to himself, waiting for Mhok's husky, off-key voice, and the inevitable jeers of his friends.

But instead... it was definitely Mhok's voice, but - not at all what Day was expecting. Certainly not a professional singer's tone, but still warm and earnest, and the lyrics were making Day's palms feel sweaty, his heart beat a little louder. Day felt his smile fade, turning his ears to better catch the chorus.

"He's looking at you while he sings, you know," whispered Gee, shameless, in his ear.

Day made a face in her direction, but then he turned, trying - wishing, somehow - to see.

And for a moment, for just one fleeting moment -

He'd been a different him, in a different bar, while a different person played a different song... but it was still Mhok, maybe even his Mhok, wearing the same face and the same smile that he somehow knew was meant for only him. And the other Mhok gave the other Day the same butterfly feeling, deep in his chest, like stumbling into the recognition of something important, like a glimpse of a home built piece by piece, like a hug so warm you would cross a universe to find it -

And it faded, of course. The vision. Day shook his head, gently... it had only been a split second. Just his imagination.

The guitar slowed, and Mhok sang the last few bars quietly - almost sweet, for his rough tone. Around him, Day's friends began applauding, whooping, reaching for Day - "he really is good, eh?" "a professional singer, you said? I believe it..."

Day looked down, smiling to himself.

When Mhok asked about his red cheeks, after, Day planned to blame it on the liquor.

ANON IM SAYING THIS IN THE MOST AFFECTIONATE AND ADORING WAY POSSIBLE BUT ARE YOU - PERCHANCE - INSANE LIKE I STARTED READING THIS AND WAS ALREADY CLUTCHING MY CHEST TAKING CRITICAL DAMAGE THINKING IT WAS A MORKDAY FICLET WITH A MORE IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS OF DAY'S THOUGHTS DURING THE BAR SCENE BUT THEN THE PUENTALAY VISION HAPPENED AND I KNOW THAT AT THIS POINT IT'S A TRUTH UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED THAT MORKDAY ARE PUENTALAY IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE BUT SEEING IT WRITTEN DOWN LIKE THIS SIMPLY HITS DIFFERENT I MEAN

"And the other Mhok gave the other Day the same butterfly feeling, deep in his chest, like stumbling into the recognition of something important, like a glimpse of a home built piece by piece, like a hug so warm you would cross a universe to find it -" >>> CRYING AND THROWING UP AND EATING GLASS AND GOING INTO CARDIAC ARREST AND MAKING A LOBOTOMY APPOINTMENT AND ENGAGING IN FITS OF FEMALE HYSTERIA TO COPE LIKE NOT THE LOVE THAT TRANSCENDS TIME AND SPACE SOULMATISM OF IT ALL HELLO POLICE?????????? I WANNA REPORT A MURDER!!!!!! I AM DYING!!!!!!!!!

ANYWAY IF ANYONE NEEDS ME I'LL BE DEAD IN A DITCH FOR THE REST OF THE EVENING GOOD NIGHT OR GOOD DAY TO ALL REGARDLESS THO

#ONE MORE STUNT LIKE THIS AND IMMA BE REAL SILENT ON MAIN CAUSE THEY'LL HAVE HAD TO INVOLUNTARILY COMMIT MY ASS FR #AT LEAST GIVE ME A WARNING ANON IM AN OLD WOMAN MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS #(JK YOU CAN SEND ME TO THE PSYCH WARD OR KILL ME DEAD WITHOUT PREVIOUS NOTICE WHENEVER YOU WANT ANON #I LOVE THIS I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS TO ME)#vice versa #last twilight the series #morkday #puentalay #m: ask

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