#the one time that my art got any notes there was when Niki liked it

[sing-me-under]

YOUR ART IS SO PRETTY! :) also as a fellow dsmp/batfam lover I was wondering who would be who if you made an au of the other? (From batfam to dsmp or dsmp to batfam, you can choose!) me personally Tommy gives a bit of Damian,,

Hello hello! Thank you very much ✨✨✨ I’m glad you like my art!

About the DSMP x Batfam AU…. I really had to think this one through. I love both of them, but they have such different character dynamics and ideologies. Even the very worlds they are set in are like complete opposites. However, I have also read like so many (so many) superhero AU fics for the DSMP (before the fandom tag got overwhelmingly oversaturated), so I have some thoughts on…

DSMP Characters as The Batfam

You’re right. c!Tommy does feel like he’d be a good match for Damian. Loves animals? Feral? Stabby? Genuinely good? Artistically-inclined? The youngest? If we’re going by characters traits, Tommy would absolutely be Damian… But if I did that, I’d spend way too much time comparing characters who can’t be compared… So my list is going to be based on vibes. Same vibes are also why I’m choosing to make L’Manberg the main members. I’m completely disregarding age, motivations, personality, etc. This is all (mostly) vibes. There is some justification for them.

I wasn’t able to think of a match for everyone, but I got a decent chunk.

Wilbur as Batman

Fundy as Nightwing

Quackity as Oracle

Tommy as Red Hood

Tubbo as Red Robin

Jack as Spoiler

Niki as Batwoman

Ranboo as Black Bat

Slime as Batgirl 2 (also Cass but specifically Batgirl-era)

Eret as Talia

Philza as Ghostmaker

Kristen as Martha and Thomas

Technoblade as Azrael

Karl and Sapnap as Harley and Ivy (who’s who? Idk)

Dream as the entire Rogue Gallery — every single rogue just compressed into one blob of a man

I felt compelled to draw Tommy as a Robin and Red Hood.

Notes under the cut. They’re explanations for what little of my thought process can be converted into comprehensible words. It’s long. I ramble A LOT. Read at your own peril.

I’m pretty sure the obvious explanations are Wilbur, Tubbo, Techno, Karl&Sapnap, and Dream.

c!Wilbur is so much like Bruce Wayne — it’s kind of not funny. There’s the obvious “led children to fight a war” thing, the “compulsively acquiring children because they won’t leave him alone” thing, the “becomes evil immediately after crossing the no kill thing” thing, and the “sad little meow meow wet rag of a man but still extremely charismatic” thing…

c!Tubbo and Tim Drake are the closest 1:1 of this entire list.

Okay, okay. c!Techno as Jean-Paul. The vibes are wrong if we’re talking about canon Azrael, but I’m specifically thinking of fanfiction/“goes to family dinners WFA-style” Azrael.

c!Karl and c!Sapnap have such “married anti-villains befriending the heroes” vibes. I love them so much in superpower AUs even when they’re not with c!Quackity. As I’m writing this, I’m remembering that Schlatt and Quackity are also very often written in a Joker x Harley Quinn situation, but we’re talking about Batfam!

Dream is like the caricature of a Gotham Rogue(TM). He’s got the sympathetic motivation sticky noted onto a decades’ worth of terrorism with only the vaguest hope of redemption that he’ll probably never actually get because he’s too popular as a villain. I could make a point for any character interpretation (both fanpn and canon) of c!Dream as Ivy, Penguin, Riddler, Scarecrow, Black Mask, Joker, etc. (also, not a Rogue, but Ra’s too)

The thing about the DSMP is that it almost feels like a reversal of DC. It’s like a mirror, the same solution from a reversed conclusion. That also means DSMP characters appear un-traumatized and naive then get completely fucked over by the sheer horror that is the SMP, meanwhile DC characters appear fresh from traumatized and find themselves in a position to believe in goodness. The late-stage DSMP was filled with isolation while DC heroes always end up in found families.

It’s why I couldn’t think of a proper match for Damian.

What I loved about late-stage c!Tommy is that he keeps (disguises) that hope and love for people despite everything. Meanwhile, Damian’s character development is learning all that from the ground up. The vibes are similar but not the same. Honestly, for a hot second, I considered Purpled as Damian but alas, not enough Purpled content. If I were to project my own timeline of events upon the DSMP, Purpled would make a great Damian-esque match.

But that does not change the fact that Tommy as Red Hood has the best vibes.

No one else is quite as “doomed by the narrative and irreversibly changed yet somehow still painfully compassionate” in the same way Tommy and Jason are (also the “rejecting their father/brother but still loving them unconditionally). Their vibes are truly something.

I’m also very stern in my belief that c!Tommy should never kill because it would negatively impact his character development, but he very very easily could have gone the Red Hood route. By technicality, it’s more like Tommy as Robin 2, but I so dearly love the potential of villain! and anti-villain!Tommy. It’s such an underutilized concept. (Also I wrote a protege AU like way back and it makes me think of Red Hood now lol)

But originally, I flip-flopped between Fundy as Red Hood and Tommy as Nightwing, but I dunno. The logic was there but the vibes weren’t.

If we were considering a timeline of events, Tommy would make a great Robin 1 with Fundy as Robin 2 . Dick Grayson was the OG child hero, much like Tommy. He was angry and craved justice but he was also full of Light. Meanwhile, c!Fundy grew up in Tommy’s shadow.

However, Fundy also has that “if I can’t make them smile, I’ll make them cry” thing that Villain Dick Graysons also tend to have. Dick is always like four steps away from flipping a switch and becoming a supervillain. He tries so fucking hard to do good, but if he ever determines that “being good” isn’t enough to “do good,” he takes over the world. But Dick would also like step away from toxic energy by holing himself up in his apartment filled with depression, which is exactly what Fundy did.

Fundy and Dick are more “blood-soaked wet cats with strained smiles and bowling alley carpet polos” and Tommy and Jason are more “dramatic Greek tragedies.”

The Batgirls and adjacent female Bat vigilantes came to me immediately, but it’s not as long as the above.

Quackity as Barbara Gordon. He followed Wilbur filled with Hope and Justice. Quackity makes an excellent Batgirl 1. His Las Nevadas arc would then be Oracle but Lawful Evil and also completely isolated from any friends, family, or rational support. Quackity isn’t inherently bad. He still has good intentions, and he’s still good at heart, irregardless of how he portrays himself. He’s the classic femme fatale, including the whole sexist Hollywood “he needs a strong male love interest to take care of him” thing because he is absolutely spiraling on his own. Anyway, I am a fiancés shipper, so this would lead to a Birds of Prey-esque team up of LN and Kinoko.

Jack Manifold has Stephanie Brown’s “glitter bomb in the face” and “functions entirely on spite but also is just really tired of being hurt” energy. Jack isn’t quite Stephanie, but his dynamic with Tubbo made me consider him as Spoiler. Also consider: Jack and The Nuke being Steph’s Robin 4 arc.

Slime is so much like Batgirl-era Cassandra. There’s a lot of “innocent vs naive, manipulated by those with intentions, both evil and morally just” going on. Batgirl!Slime and RH!Tommy would have such a dynamic. I think about Fort Big a lot.

It is literally a crime that c!Jack Manifold and c!Slime never interacted in the DSMP.

Ranboo as Black Bat. I don’t know how to explain it, but Tim Drake and Cassandra have such a great dynamic (albeit one that I’m only familiar with in fanfics). I was originally going to say Ranboo as Orphan, but I don’t think he’s quite there. Maybe GhostBoo as Orphan.

Speaking of ghosts, GhostBur as Carrie Kelley’s Robin. He’s in the wrong places at the wrong times and (unknowingly) shoves himself in situations, and he’s got that unfair “why” going on during Doomsday. Unfortunately, GhostBur suffers from memory loss and is often willfully ignorant. I think in an AU space where’s he’s an actual character and not the echo of an idea, he’d make a great elseworld-type Robin.

c!Niki is a WLW revolutionary war veteran with a very close relationship with Wilbur. There’s more, but again, Vibes.

Now here’s where my hot takes truly lie: Philza as Ghostmaker and Eret as Talia.

We all like Dadza but c!Phil? Absolutely not a Dad. If you actually look at c!Phil without the rose-tinted lens of his content creator’s dad energy, c!Phil and Ghostmaker aere weirdly similar? I really don’t know how to explain it exactly, but I think that Phil would have brought Wilbur up as like this weird amalgamation of BTK-era Bruce, Phantom One, and Clownhunter, leading to Wilbur eventually being… not abandoned because Phil wanted Wilbur to have more independence… but struggling to make it on his own. Eventually, Wilbur would follow his parents’ (Mumza would be Martha AND Thomas) footsteps and become something that’s essentially the same but different. Like how Ghostmaker is basically Tynion’s Batman OC but somehow more edgy except Wilbur is in the opposite direction. Like how Martha and Thomas saved people through philanthropy and surgery and Bruce wanted to save people in his own way too. Phil and Kristen influenced Wilbur towards fighting crime… Also I could totally see c!Phil becoming a crime fighter as a fun and challenging art form rather than any genuine interest in being a good person. c!Phil’s got that immortal dilemma where he’s basically a sociopath running purely on an ingrained and steadily eroding moral code.

Now… Eret as Talia. Where do I begin? I love Talia. She’s such a badass but also she’s a kind person who believes in Bruce’s cause but she’s also extremely loyal to her father’s cause but she loves her family so much but she’s also a assassin princess but the world is against her and everything she is will only continue going downhill until she either becomes straight up evil or stands her ground. I love the characterization of Talia who chose to side with “the greater good” against the person she loves and more has to live with the burden of this decision for the rest of her life and continue to do what needs to be done even, for better or worse… Did I say Talia? I meant Eret. Wait, no, it’s both. That applies to both. Talia’s choice is betraying Bruce to aid her in running a global assassin cult and killing people. Eret’s choice is betraying his revolution to run a monarchy and enforcing taxes. Yes, the vibes are the same.

This has been my TED talk. Thank you for reading this far.

#personal #dsmp #batfam #too many characters to tag #dsmp au #dreamlessart

[streaming-yn]

(☁️)

HIIII it's 3 am and i'm trying to sleep but brain went brr with ideas n shit and oh well- thing is ; i was wondering if i could make my first request? (smth simple if u want to, no need to be very long or anything + pls don't rush nd take ur time AND don't feel pressured to actually do my request :] ! ) maybe smth ab faceless art streamer! y/n [they/them]?? (if u could add that the reader is like an indie game dev or works for smth like that u'd be sosososososo cool omg) with maybe quackity, tommy, dream, ranboo, niki and/or jack?? idk brain did the storming and its all messy hsdnshhfjsjz (btw! i know it's a lot of CCs so feel free to remove some or do the ones ur only comfy with !!! take care nd stay safe !!! luv ya <3 (/p))

AS SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO GAME DESIGN, CHARACTER, AND PLOT DESIGN YOU BET I CAN MAKE THE READER AND INDIE GAME DEV (and aaaa ty for adding jack!!! I think he's really neat and not enough people acknowledge him :))!!)

Multiple x indie game dev!artist!y/n

pairings: quackity, tommy, dream, ranboo, niki, jack manifold (separate) x indie game dev!artist!y/n

pronouns: they/them

other information on the reader:

. faceless

. knows how to code

. artist

. streams them drawing video game characters

. minor

. makes indie / horror games

form: headcanons

genre: platonic, fluff(??)

warnings: horror games / horror mods, ranboo enderwalk lore in his section

abbreviations: y/n -> your name

quackity

okay let's get the obvious out of the way; definitely going to be the type of person that's like "I'm going to play this game first after you're finished" yk? playfully ofc, n playfully fight with anyone who says the same thing (*cough* Wilbur, tommy, dream *cough*)

he probably wouldn't be on your art streams often – he doesn't really enjoy watching people draw, but he would want to see the finished pics

he would happily be on voice chat with you while you're drawing though!! :D

would be proud to answer any questions you have about character / scene / etc designs!!

"quackity!! so for this character – check your dms for a current picture – would red or purple antenna be better? also, two or four antenna?"

"*gasp* you're asking me?? 🥺" /j

"y'know what, nevermind, chat wh-"

"NO WAIT WAIT"

"so what do you think?"

also, if you do end up sending him the finished pics of the art he will hype you tf up !!!!

would try to get you make joke games – not like actually, it's just an ongoing bit between you two!

if you make a game for him – or give him a sneak peek of a game before anyone else he's going to freak out!! and he won't really know what to say bc putting feelings into words is hard

if y'all ever meet up and you're fine w hugs he's gonna give you a huge hug, hoping that makes up for the lack of words to describe how just,, proud of you he is bc he really really is!!

you're not even in your 20s yet and you can make video games, or help with them?? not to mention how creative you are with the characters and story line??? he's amazed by you

might actually cry /pos if you base a character off of him

like let's say a part of a puzzle is to get a rubber duck and place it into a pond to get the next hint or thing you need – only when he plays it on stream, he doesn't know anything about the game, so you're watching and waiting for him to get there

when he does get there – he finds out the duck has a beanie and has a white ring appear around it that flashes to life before fading out after picking it up, signifying it was the right thing to get

at first he doesn't really notice the ring, "oh! that animation is different than normal" he notes, but mainly focuses on the beanie, comparing it to himself before he glances at chat to see them freaking out over the planet duck reference

then he's just talking about it, shocked of course but flattered, and then you type in chat "you helped me a ton with things I couldn't decide during this game, I couldn't not add you! :)" everyone's just :(((( !!! /pos

overall supportive n proud, maybe a bit loud about games in progress, but just a really nice guy in general :)

tommy

he is ABSOLUTELY loud about your games in progress!! if you don't want something said you have to tell that to him before telling him or else he's going to brag about how cool it is the next time he streams

"chat!! chat, y/n is making this new game and they told me that one of the outfits you can collect for the player is going to be based off me!- right!! that sounds pog!!"

if he ever accidentally let's anything slip on stream that he was supposed to say, everyone who's a fan of you is just like "wow! suddenly! I cannot hear anymore!", sometimes they're like that even if it was okay to say

the just like being surprised :)

as for art streams, he'll try his best to tune in but obviously won't be there all the time! he's usually very active in chat too! likes being on call with you while you do art streams if you let him!

he once convinced you to make a texture pack and a shader (meant for both to be active at the same time), the fans loved it and a lot of them use it more often than the original!!

tommy however, not to much, proud of you bc that must've been a ton of work!! but at some time it slipped his mind that you make indie and horror games; I think we all know he doesn't do well with horror games

so you liking horror and such made the textures look more ominous and just make it look like and area you don't want to be in, and the spook goes up even more with the shader!! it's darker than usual, there's unusual fog, the portals look too dangerous now, so on and so forth yk

so,, tommy didn't use the texture pack for long;;

if you ever raid him after you're done streaming and he has a question, he's literally just gonna ask you on stream

"y/n raid? oh! are they still here?" when you confirm you're in chat, he continues "great! okay I had a question about your new game that's going to be available soon and how to download it-"

fans love how casual you guys are about game information, like you had to teach him how to export a game character he made on the website you usually make yours on (it was for a fun stream) and it was just a simple back and forth but everyone's like omg :((( omg them :((

also if you're the type of person to go insane over tiny details in other games, he will absolutely tease you for it

like you can just be going on and on about how this game had a sentence at the start that had a backhanded meaning by the end and he's just gonna call you a nerd (genuinely thinks is cool how much of the small things you notice in games though)

dream

COMPLAINING ABOUT CODING AND HOW HARD IT IS 🤝🤝

and if you took other coding classes hoping that I'd help with video game coding he'd just listen to you talk about it

"I actually took robotics for a while before because the school didn't have any video game coding classes and I was hoping it'd help either way" "oh?" "it,, it didn't help, it's so hard to code robots and considering how fast I caught onto video game code you think it'd be easier to understand the robot code" "yeah, that sounds reasonable" "NOPE,, WHY R THEY SO DIFFERENT I ALMOST FAILED" "D:"

fanartists like those moments, if one of those talks happen expect a bit of fanart of just dream and you chilling while you talk and he listens, the art always gives off comfy vibes n it's just cute :)

offering him to play a semi-rough draft of the demo so that he could see if it's good or what you needed to do to make it more enticing for the player

power duo fr fr o/

people like comparing y'all to hackers sometimes bc y'all know how to code???

you play into the bit with the fans though and honestly it's so fun !!!

fans: omg,, hackers (affectionate),,,

you next time you stream: hacker voice; I'm in

AND THEY GOT SHOCKED??? LIKE THEY FORGOT YOU CAN SEE THE STUFF THEY POST????

wouldn't be able to watch your art streams for long because he would get side tracked, the streams are just too under stimulating for his brain to focus on, but he'd hang around as long as he could though :)

would be glad to be on call with you while you're doing an art stream – though if he has is game sounds on you may occasionally have to repeat a question that was aimed at him

you're also in his streams when you can :)

also, you like sending donations to communicate rather than chat

one stream dream turned off his donos because you wouldn't stop giving him money 💀

being friends with such a popular creator and being a game creator yourself has it's downs as well

nothing thats too hard to deal with – the most common one is actually kinda funny – some people will slide in your dms acting like they're dream and just got locked out of his account, trying to get you to make them a game

like ??? do they think that dream would mssg you over Twitter or insta?? he has your phone number bro ,😭

also!!! when dream plays through new games you made he complements the small things and complements how hard something must've been to code :)

and I'm ngl, he kinda sucks with every game he plays at first but he's a quick learner so dw :)

would be glad to help if you're having a difficult time choosing between things too! except he'll answer right away without any teasing

"dreammm" "y/nnnn" "for this area should I do like shattered stone walls or mossy stone walls like with vines n stuff?" "depends on the vibe you want, shattered stone would give it a dangerous and uneasy undertone and mossy stone would be more of ominous, if that makes sense?" "oh! okay, thank youuu!!"

ofc if you didn't have a specific vibe or couldn't choose which was better he would just give a straight up answer so you didn't stress out trying to choose one \o/

would absolutely like being a guest in a drawing stream, he isn't the best at art or character design but it's fun to see him try

maybe you both plus some friends do a "drawing Minecraft mobs from memory" stream? ,, with that the thing is; his would mostly be relatively accurate if you could understand wtf he was drawing 😭

dream may or may or have some of your art as his phone homescreen, he loves your style so much :(( /pos

ranboo

first off; he's incredibly impressed!! like!!! you made this game?? this playable game, completely from scratch??? how??

also you may or may not have made a small Minecraft mod for him to tryout on stream,, little gift from you to both chat n ranboo 🤲

its literally all based off his lore,, if you get close to obsidian and crying obsidian fallen down from Undertale starts playing, if you splash water on yourself 1) you get hurt 2) your screen blacks out and when it comes back, your in a different place than before, some things art taken, maybe a few extra things are added

and there's a 50% chance that when you go into your "enderwalk" state (the blackout) you blow something up, so there may or may not be an explosion somewhere nearby, you also have a 20% chance of building something small in you enderwalk state :)

he found it so incredibly cool!!! chat was crying while complementing you while ranboo thanked you and complemented you over n over again

he won't shut up about how cool the mod is for several weeks, maybe even a few months, it's just so cool!!

will absolutely use it as a comeback if you let him; "oh? you got first place? well y/n made me a really really cool mod, so who's the actual winner here?"

will absolutely play every single game you come out with – it doesn't matter if it's his style or not – and he thoroughly enjoys all of the games as well

as for art streams, he will absolutely try to tune in every time he can!! active in chat and donos!!

doesn't really like being in art streams – like in call is fine but actually drawing? not really, he just doesn't love drawing in front of a ton of people

but will join an art stream if you ask

will listen to you rant about whatever, even if he doesn't understand it! like will listen to you go on and on about how well a game set up the atmosphere or maybe talking about how difficult coding is, and he'll converse back with you but won't really understand yk?

"ranboo I just played a really cool game do you wanna hear about it?" "yeah yeah- of course!!" "ok so like, the atmosphere was so well put together- like it was a horror game and I didn't even see the monster but the vibe was so well put together that it was still unnerving!!" "that's awesome! how did the atmosphere get set up the best and when you saw the monster, was it scarier?"

yk what I mean? like engages in convo so you don't feel bad about talking so much, plus shows his interest without the constant "hm?" "cool" etc a lot of people do and even though he does talk more than the acknowledgment sounds many people make he also manages to almost never sidetrack you and when he does it's on accident :)

if your way of learning is teaching then he'll gladly be the person you teach it to if you want! most likely won't use the information therefore his brain won't retain it but that's not on you, and the whole reason is so you can learn, not him, so! ^^

will make sure to take care of yourself, and he has a through way of telling if you have or not bc he's known you for long enough to know that even if you try to hide it a little bit of your tired voice shows so he knows if you've been sleeping like you should

also friends with you on discord, where you have your Spotify attached,, you like listening to music while you work on things that aren't sound related and if it's active later than it should be he's going to confront you

overall wholesome mixed in with a little pain bc both of you are like "ah yes, lore <3" and like to see fans cry /lh

niki

I feel like this is expected but if you need to get extra motivation she would probably be your go-to

she hypes you up but like, in a sweet and quiet kinda way, where as everyone else here would probably be relatively loud ;;

honored to be on an art stream if you invite her :')

and would absolutely watch your art streams when she can :D hypes you up in chat

also compliments, tons of compliments!

might call you a prodigy? bc you're so young but can already make games?? and make income off of them?? and do really good art??? and so much more??? like tell me that's not prodigy energy,

if you make a video game character based off her she might cry,, like in a positive way obviously but like at the same time :(( no don't cry!!

I say might bc it's dependant on how she feels that day yk? like she might just have the almost-cry wobble to her voice or she might actually, if that makes sense?

she genuinely loves your art style!! even if it's pointy and kinda creepy she really likes it!!

yk the "awww (name) :(" /pos she does sometimes? 100% does that with you

there are a few compilations of just "aww y/nnn" on YouTube and all the comments on those videos are just crying over y'all /pos

would be happy to help if you're stuck between some options in a game, but would feel kinda bad bc it's your game, you're supposed to be the one choosing the stuff

assure her that it's okay n stuff n she'll be ok tho !

I can't decide if she would play your games or not

bc on one hand she's a huge supporter of you and your work and would like to experience it first hand

but on the other hand she isn't the best with scry games,,

so maybe she'd do both? maybe she'd react on stream to a playthrough, maybe your playthrough? or maybe she would only play some of your games? I haven't decided so up to you I suppose!

jack manifold

genuinely amazed by your talent and will make it quite clear!!

can and will go on tangents about you on stream if someone brings it up

everyone is so :(( <333 /pos bc of it

will play the games you've made as soon as he can

if there are different games that line up in a story he'll make sure to play them in order :)

people also sometimes compare you two to hackers bc you code a ton and he kinda looks like a hacker

difference here is that both of you play into the bit, it's tons of fun!!

listen, I know he doesn't draw much but I am a firm believer that he will doodle his favorite character(s) from your games after he's done playing them

like after he plays a game of yours then expect a small doodle in your texts :)

you compiled a bunch of these doodles into one picture and made it you phone background and he only found out after y'all met irl and it caught the corner of his eye and he registered "oh hey wait that looks familiar"

he found out while recording the vlog n when editing, the editor was like "hey let's leave this in, it'd be funny if the fans knew right?" ,, the fans were crying for two weeks,, /pos

and speaking of drawings; he would like to be on a drawing stream with you, thinks it's be tons of fun!! :D

and he's usually free to call while your streaming and doesn't mind so if you wanna talk to him while drawing just call :)

and he will watch the streams he can make it to!! he may leave a bit early but he stays for the majority of it

if you make a character based off of him he's going to constantly thank you and brag about how cool you are anywhere he can

"hello manifolders, if you haven't done it already go download (game name)! I'm there!" with a ss of his character from the game and he'll reply to the tweet on his alt to talk more about the game and how much he really liked it :)

another that'll help you were you need it! he'll make it into a joke before anything else, but he'll get to the point

taglist (sorry i forgot to do it on the past two): @cvsmixplant // @l0ver0fj0y // @youngstarfishdinosaur

#asked and answered #request #headcanons #platonic!reader #platonic fanfic #platonic x reader #jack manifold x reader #niki x reader #dream x reader #tommy x reader #quackity x reader #ranboo x reader #streamer!au #mcyt x reader #streamer!reader #streamer!y/n #fanfic #headcanon #☁️ anon #game dev!reader #game dev! reader #artist!reader #artist! reader #platonic ranboo x reader #platonic dream x reader #platonic tommy x reader #platonic quackity x reader #platonic niki x reader #platonic jack manifold x reader #jack x reader

[shoftiiel]

bound to you: 4

"and i quote.."

synopsis: y/n is the new girl in town, she would like to escape from her past and begin a new life without any romance drama, but what happens when she caught the attention of a certain boy who happens to be one of her brother’s best friends.

word count: 1. 1 k

warnings: i think there is none, but if you feel like something should be added lmk :))

a/n: i think this will have more written parts than i originally intended, also if you asked to be on the taglist and you don't see yourself its because i cannot tag u

<< | masterlist | >>

When your class ended you felt nervous, you didn't understand why, you were just meeting sunoo’s friends, it was not a big deal.

“come on y/n it is not that big” you said to yourself, besides if they are friends with sunoo they must be nice like him.

“Y/n!! over here!” you snapped out of your thoughts when you heard your name, when you turned around you saw sunoo with two other boys, they did seem nice.

“h-hi” sunno giggled, “don't be shy y/n” he said with a reassuring smile, the other two boys just laughed along.

“hi, i am jungwon” one of the boys said, he had these cute dimples when he smiled, he gave off a warm vibe, he looked like the happiest person on the planet.

“and my name is niki, nice to meet you” the second boy said, he looked younger than jungwon, but still he was taller than both sunoo and jungwon. Hewas just a freshman and looked like a giant baby.

“You know y/n” Sunoo said, snapping you out of your thoughts for the second time that day, “niki is also a foreigner” you turned to niki, he just nodded. “I am from japan”.

“Why did you leave?” you asked, niki just smiled and you swore that kid got like 3 centimeters taller, he looked excited, just as if he had been waiting his whole life to be asked that question.

“you see, I want to be a dancer and be lift high has one of the best dance programs in the country, japan does not” that last part did not sound so excited “so i plan on auditioning, tryouts are supposed to be next week”

He reminded you of Jake, he also left Australia to become a dancer, now you kind of understood why Jake was the way he was towards you, you felt the need to protect niki, he was so cute for his own good.

“how about you?” jungwon asked “where are you from and why did you leave”

“Well my family is Korean, but I used to leave in australia and i left mostly because of family issues, my parents are barely home”

“oh” sunoo just looked at you

“Well, we are now all your new family” niki said with the same big smile he had while he was talking about how he wanted to become a dancer.

“Wait, you are a sophomore, right?” jungwon suddenly asked.

“Yes I am” you said proudly, for some reason.

“Then why didn't we see you in any class today” jungwon looked very puzzled “omg y/n are you skipping classes already? it's the first day!” and before you could say anything sunoo said,

“well you see” he said in a cocky tone “miss y/n here is in advanced classes, because and i quote “her brain cells actually know how to do their job”

The other two boys almost choked laughing, they couldn't breathe. At first you were really embarrassed, then you just laughed along, at that point you could not remember why you were nervous in the first place.

“and how about extracurriculars?” Jungwon said still laughing, he was trying to keep it together, he failed but at least he tried.

“Well, i saw that there’s an art club” the moment you said that sunoo became another person, he looked possessed which freaked you out to be honest.

“You want to join the art club!?” he almost yelled at you “ummm… yeah??? Is there a problem with that'' you were genuinely confused at his reaction, but then he looked happy?

“gil you should have told me earlier!” in the two days you had know sunoo you had never seen him so excited “well you are talking to the art club president himself, so consider yourself the newest member of the art club”

“this is awesome y/n!” jungwon was very excited as well “we’ll see each other more often”

“heeeeeey!” niki sounded upset “what about me?” he indeed was a giant baby, cute you thought.

“don't worry niki, when you start practicing with the dance team we’ll visit you and we’ll take you snacks”

“from now on y/n is my favorite” hugged you right afterwards.

you were very happy it was only your first day of class and you had already made friends, if you had the y/n from two years ago she would not believe you. The bell rang and you left for your last classes of the day. During the last periods you did not pay any attention at all, you were thinking about your new friends, usually you take notes but you did not this time, you were doodling the whole time.

Finally the bell rang one last time that day, you quickly grabbed your things and rushed out of the classroom, the hallway was filled with students that were eager to leave, just like you were. You bumped into someone, you just said sorry bearly looking back and just continued walking, you were going out with your brother and you had to get ready, you did not have any time to lose.

What you failed to notice was that you dropped your sketchbook, the boy you bumped into picked it up and when he looked up you were gone. He just stood there with the sketchbook in hand wondering who you were. Naturally he opened it to see if there was a name, sadly there wasn’t. For some strange reason, he didn't leave it on the lost and found, he was curious, he wanted to find the owner and give it to them.

He was mesmerized by the drawings he found there, they were mostly flowers, landscapes and lots of frogs, some had hats, others had wings, that just made him more curious. There were also some short poems in there, from what he read, whomever it belonged to was very sad, the one that caugth his attention was

“i supose i love my scars,

because they have stayed with me longer

than most people have”

He needed to find who the sketchbook belonged to.

taglist: @ncityy04 @dumbwonpil @markleepooh @papiibuprofen @ghjasksdk

#bound to you 🧚🏼‍♀️ #heeseung #enhypen smau #enhypen social media au #kpop smau #enhypen au #enhypen x female reader #enhypen x reader #heeseung x you #enhypen fic #heeseung x reader #enhypen high school au #non idol au #enhypen fluff #enhypen crack #enhypen angst #lee heeseung #yang jungwon #jay park #sim jake #park sunghoon #kim sunoo #nishimura riki #enhypen siblings au #enha smau #enha au #heeseung au #enhypen heeseung

[thesunicarusfellfor]

Hello my beloved! ( Can I call you that? And people it's platonic!) I have an idea and this is for pogtopia wilbur and ghostbur! Can you do a reader who loves painting and one morning they find a picture of them with a note about the reader confessing to then but they didn't do it in person because they were really nervous? Thank you!

And please take as much time as you want also could it be a long story? Thank you!

- Your beloved Moosh 🥺

Moosh, darling! Hello! Yes, you have my full permission to call me that, thank you for asking! This is the third time I've written this story because Tumblr just really enjoys screwing me over...

Also. You never clarified whether you wanted fluff or angst, but it's Pogtopia Wilby so I kinda just went with angst? If you want a happy end to this, I'll rewrite this no problem! But it won't be as long because... Well, you'll see. Also also, I didn't exactly know where to throw the Ghosty Bur in, so... Yeaaaah? He's at the end tho!

THE FIRST PART IS LIKE NEW NEW POGTOPIA WILBUR

TW: (Sorry it didn't save the first time) C!Schlatt, bruising, threatened hanging, self doubt

Perfect Picture of Imperfection (Pogtopia!C!Wilbur x GN!Painter!Reader)

Maybe you painted Schlatt's horns the wrong colour? Or his jawline was off? He was furious when you finally showed him your art piece... It was the best you could do with the few hours you were given! Paint physically couldn’t dry as fast as Schlatt wanted it to you… He didn’t seem to care when he threw the wooden frame of the torn canvas at you, giving you a dark bruise right above your eye, or when he started yelling at you and threatening to burn your art studio down to the ground.

Or even when he grabbed you and suggested to Quackity to hang you at the gallows for insulting the emperor of Manberg.

The man you had once been friends with grinned widely and nodded happily, “Yes, sir! Yes, sir!” He said, without a single care that you were a living human being, only giving a cheer as he picked you up so your feet were dangling on the ground, leaving you silent in terror. Tubbo only averted his gaze.

“Aww… You’re like a little fawn, caught in the torchlight of a traveller.” The ram hybrid smiled in a sickly sweet manner, causing the colour to drain from your face, “Come now, darling, I’m not a monster… You’re the only one of Wilbur’s sweet little subjects that he hasn’t gotten back, and here I thought you were his favourite… Or maybe he left you here to act as a sacrifice so they could all be off doing their own thing... Guess he prefers Niki over you…” He whispered as he dropped you, chuckling softly as you scurried out of the building as you quite literally ran for your life.

You called Wilbur when you were safely hidden in your house, gasps and sobs leaving your mouth quicker than tears could pool out of your eyes…

“(Y/n)... You can’t be calling me when-”

“Wil…?” You whispered into the communicator, your voice shaking enough to shut him up immediately, “He… He’s going to…” Hiccuping meekly, you curled in tighter on yourself as you heard Schlatt’s loud and pompous voice come over the speaker system he had hung up all around the once beautiful country, “I think I’m going to die here…”

The dead silence that followed through the line was sickening…

“Is it true…?” You couldn’t help but find yourself wondering aloud, “Is that why I’m the only one left here? Am I a sacrifice so you can live happily elsewhere? ...Is that why you haven’t come to get me?”

“(Y/n), I want you to never utter those words again.” His voice was dark and steely as there was a bit of crashing around that came from the other side as well as faint mumbles which were clearly from Tommy judging by all the swearing, “You are not a sacrifice. Now... Get your Enderchest and Inventory packed up, I’m coming to get you tonight, and then I’ll explain in person…”

The line cut off and you slowly lowered the communicator down from beside your ear. Your heart was sinking one minute, but soaring the next… A terrible feeling really. You were saved! But… He could get caught trying to come to get you… You couldn’t let that happen for sure. With a heavy sigh, you rubbed your eyes free of tears before standing up and beginning to shove any necessary equipment into your Enderchest, including your finished painting of Wilbur that you were going to give to him when he won the election… And finally, confess your feelings…

When midnight hit and the lights of the city finally died down, you climbed up onto your roof and looked around for the president, fear and paranoia flooding through your veins as your mind went wild. What if he got caught? What if he was trying to give you false hope? What if. What if. What if. These sort of questions buzzed around in your mind for an hour as you waited for your saviour to arrive…

Finally, when enough became enough and you decided he wasn’t coming, you stopped pacing and slowly sat down on the roof as the tears began to start again. You could practically hear Schlatt chiding you in the back of your mind, telling you that you were a fool for holding out hope.

“(Y/n)!” A low hiss came from beside you and a hand touched your shoulder. You certainly would’ve screamed bloody murder if another hand hadn’t quickly wrapped around your mouth, “Sh, sh, sh, it’s me… It’s Wilbur.” The voice soothed softly as the hand left your mouth, quickly allowing you to turn your head.

It didn’t feel real… Seeing him after so long… And in an outfit other than his uniform. “Wil...bur?” You repeated, staring at him for a while before giving him a soft smile filled with relief, “You really came…”

“Of course I did!” He almost seemed offended for a moment before his eyes softened as he realized what Schlatt must’ve drilled into your head. Wilbur easily caught you as you flung your self at him, quickly wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in your (h/l) (h/c) hair, “I missed my artiste…” He whispered, donning a temporary french accent for the word ‘artist’.

Holding back a sob, you quickly grabbed his extended hand and followed him as he jumped off your roof, safely landing in a bed of hay that you used to feed your old farm animals that Schlatt confiscated before following him out of this damned country.

After that, things seemed to change between you and Wilbur. He always seemed to be at your side, choosing to personally train you rather than letting Techno train you with everyone else, or even running over ideas on how to expand Pogtopia with you rather than with Tommy. His touches always lingered longer or he somehow wound up leaning closer to you than originally necessary, but you never caught yourself complaining. He would watch you paint beautiful designs along the armour he had gifted you, knowing full well it would chip off and was heavily unnecessary, but he only smiled and let you continue doing it as long as it didn’t interfere with enchantments.

Each day with Wilbur became better and better, but your heart physically couldn’t take it any longer, you had to tell him that you felt this way for him… The way that you had to fight back the reddening of your cheeks when his chest pressed against your back as he adjusted your stance in training, or the way you had to struggle to regulate your breathing every time he complimented you on how far you had come…

He was going to be the death of you…

Your already calloused hands were bruised and blistered, but somehow, you were still able to hold a quill, pinched in between the fingers of your dominant hand. Wilbur had come to your Pogtopia home this morning, but upon realizing that he had knocked you to the ground a little too hard yesterday as you were incredibly stiff and sore, he let you have the day off of training.

This was at least a little chance… You had torn a page from your notebook and sat down at your handmade desk with a bitter sigh. Trust me, you wanted to tell him in person, but you were just too scared… Plus, maybe you could play it off as someone pulling a prank on him if it went south.

Biting your lip, your fingers treated the quill as a brush, delicately running the ink dipped tip over the top of the paper, letting your heart control what words you wanted the ink to form.

Wilbur,

You don't realize how much you mean to me. Although we've been friends for only a year, I feel as though I've known you my entire life. My connection to you is already so deep, and my love for you is already so strong that I can't remember what my life was like before we met. Even more, I can't imagine my life without you now. I can't imagine the future without you, either.

You have saved my life several times already. You have even saved me from myself several times, too! I am so thankful for your guidance and care. Whenever I'm having a bad day, I know that I can just give you a call. I know I can depend on you and, with your help, everything will turn out well.

I want you to know how I really feel. It's time for you to know that I'm ready to admit how much I care for you, how much you mean to me. I know, this isn’t the best timing in our lives, but I trust it will get better through your leadership. I love you, Wilbur.

Please, don't ever forget how much I love you.

Love, (Y/n) (L/n)

Sighing, you put the quill into the inkpot and put your head in your bandaged hands. ‘This is going to work. It will work. Go on. Have faith in yourself, as Wil said…’ You took a few deep breaths and stood up, picking up the letter once it was dry and reading it over as many times as you physically could before your mind couldn’t handle it any longer.

Walking to the door, you cracked it open to search for any sign of your president, sighing again as you realized he was likely out helping gather resources. “Is… This enough?” You mumbled sadly as you stared down at the simple letter before looking at your Enderchest in thought. Surely you could give him a few emeralds or some gold… Yeah! That’s what you’d do! Smiling in victory, you quickly wandered over to the chest and opened it, digging through it for a few moments.

It was sort of empty…

You groaned as you remembered that you haven’t really been one of the miners or forgers for Pogtopia. Instead, you were one of the warriors, focused on protecting others instead of gathering supplies.

Going to shut the chest, you suddenly paused as you saw something colourful resting at the bottom. Pushing aside your old L’Manberg uniform, you gasped as you found your old painting of Wilbur from a few months ago. It was old, yes, and a little dusty but you were still proud of it even now! Perfect.

Pulling out the painting, you began to lightly brush the dust off of the picture, smiling at the splashes of paint and colour forming a picture. It was your magnum opus.

It was a painting of Wilbur holding up a massive L’Manberg flag against the sunlight with a wide smile and hope in his eyes… This was the day that L’Manberg won independence from DreamSMP…

Standing up again, you quickly hurried out the door and walked to Wilbur’s room, silently creaking open the door and looking around, even though you were well aware that he was gone for the day. You walked over to his desk and gently setting the painting down on top of the countless sheets of work, making sure not to mix up any of the papers, then putting your letter on top where he could see it before hurrying out before you could change your mind.

Thankfully you got out when you did because, by the time you pulled an already baked potato out of the furnace, Wilbur came down the stone stairs, looking extremely exhausted, “(Y/n), my artiste…” He murmured with a smile, “I’m glad to see you’re still up and going… I was worried we would have to make you a healing pot.”

“It’s not too bad… It’s mostly just my hands that hurt.” You chuckled and held up your shaking bandaged hands, “You want me to cook you up some potatoes and carrots? Or I could maybe try and get some steak cooked up before you go to work?”

Wilbur tried to smile a bit, deciding not to question why your hands were shaking so badly, taking everything out of his inventory and placing them in their designated chests. “No, no… It’s alright. I’m going to go get ready for Tubbo’s report… I’ll see you later tonight, okay?”

You gave him a small wave before Wilbur disappeared into his office. Taking a sharp intake of breath, you quickly followed after him and peeked through the tiny crack in the door where he didn’t close it all the way. He stood in his room silently for a moment before throwing his hat off at a wall, screaming into hands, muffling it heavily to the point where you wouldn’t have heard it if you were still near the furnaces. Wilbur threw off his jacket before plopping himself into his chair with his head in his hands for a few moments, then lifting it to stare at the painting that you had placed.

He was still for a long time, then he slowly picked up the note, his eyes softened slightly before his face broke out into a wide and genuinely happy smile before his mouth twitched and the smile began to fall, tears bubbling into his chocolate coloured eyes. Wilbur held the note up to his chest and slouched back against his chair, sobbing into his hand, whispering ‘I’m so sorry’ repeatedly.

Frowning, you realized that he physically couldn’t return your love because of the stress of caring for Pogtopia and trying to win back L’Manberg. With a sad smile, you stood up and walked to your room, putting your head down as you saw water droplets hit the stone below you, “It wasn’t a no…” You tried to tell yourself, ignoring the tears running from your eyes as you shut the door, sliding down to your knees.

The next few weeks after that were hell, the complete opposite of the Utopia that you were blinded by for the past month. Wilbur asked Techno to pick up your training, and he never even spoke to you about it again… It was the Piglin hybrid that awkwardly told you. During dinner, Wilbur would practically eat as little as possible as he ignored you, trying to make any situation where he would be in the same room as you as short as possible.

“Wil-...” You reached out to the president but watched as he only gave you the saddest gaze before walking past you as if he never saw you. But he would have no problems talking to Niki, or anyone else! It wasn’t fair!

Time ticked by in a haze of fog and you quickly watched the man you had once fallen in love with becoming a complete shadow of his former self… It was sickening… He… Lost it… His mind was becoming twisted… And all you could do was watch in horror…

You knew something was wrong when he crept away from the festival and the celebration… But you just decided that he was going to take a break from the excitement. He was quite old after all…

Then the ground shook with booming roars as TNT blew craters into the earth, sending debris scattering and people screaming, scattering for their lives. Gasps of terror escaped your lips as you realized the cause of it all… You hopped over gunpowder scented broken stone and batted the smoke away as you saw the final picture to paint the last stroke of horror in your heart.

There was a blond man with massive avian wings holding a diamond sword glimmering with enchantments as the brunet clung to his clothing, slowly sinking to his knees. With a sob of despair, you watched the man you once loved so dearly, get stabbed through the chest by his own father.

“WILBUR!” You shrieked, your ears ringing from the blast as you sunk to your knees, sobs racking your frame violently. Wilbur’s head lazily rolled to look in your direction…

And in his last dying breath… He smiled…

-

“That painting…” A light airy whisper echoed through the darkened stone halls of your home, “It’s familiar… Yet so foreign...”

You gave a hum as you hung your netherite armour on your stand before turning to stare at the spectral figure floating in your doorway, “Which painting, Ghostbur? There’s many… You have to elaborate.”

“Right! Because you’re an artiste!” The transparent male chirped happily, not seeming to notice your flinch, “I mean the one hanging above the fireplace, of Alivebur.”

“Right…” You nodded, following behind the eager sweater-wearing ghost down the eerie hallways and into the office, "I'm going to take it down... I think it's doing more harm than good..."

Ghostbur didn't seem to understand your reasoning, but he didn't say much, knowing that Alivebur hurt many people... But he didn't think he hurt you, "It's pretty though... But your art style has changed, in a good way though!" He smiled softly as you opened the large dark oak double doors.

You walked past your grand dark oak desk to stare at your former magnum opus, dangling above the unlit fireplace. "Hey, Bur, if you have a flint and steel, could you light the fire please?" You glanced over and watched him nod as he dug through his pockets. In the meantime, you climbed up onto the mantle and began to struggle to pull the canvas off the wall. With a bit of hassle, you managed to pull it down and toss it onto the ground before climbing down, just in time for your ghost friend to light the fire.

"Don't damage it, (N/n)! It's still really good!" Ghostbur scolded you with a pout once you hopped down and picked the canvas up, "And you used to be proud of it!"

"I'm not, don't fret too m-" You paused mid-sentence as you saw a letter tucked into the bottom corner of the back of the painting. Frowning in confusion, you slowly picked it up and turned it over into your hand, only to discover that it was addressed to you in fancy cursive, sealed with a light red and white wax seal, "What's this?"

He looked over at you and tilted his head, seeming almost as genuinely confused as you were. Ghostbur shrugged as you propped the painting up against the wall before sitting at your desk, using your letter opener for its purpose, "Love letter, perhaps?"

"I doubt it..." You mumbled softly as you carefully unfolded the paper, recognizing that it was probably a few years old, "Let's see... Who wrote this..." You hummed before beginning to read.

My darling artiste... I'm sure by the time you read this, I'm either dead or... Well, most likely dead, if all goes to plan...

I am writing this letter to you to let you know that life without you is not the same. Life without you is very sad and lonely. I have realised that it was you who keep me alive and cheerful.

I thought I would get used to your absence from my life, but every day has been harder when I think of all the good times we spent together.

There are so many things which I want to confess. It's killing me because I don't want you to go another day without knowing how I feel about you.

And I'm not able to tell you I'm in love with you.

What an idiot I am.

And for the past few days, I've been trying to figure out, why there aren't some words to describe it. I want to tell you exactly how I feel but there isn't a single goddamned word in the entire dictionary that can describe my love for you.

But I need that word. I need it because I want you to hear me say “I love You". I want to make the sweetest gestures in front of you which make you feel even more loved.

Trust me... I know... I act like an absolute ass towards you. I'm so scared of your life being in more danger than it was... I really did love you, and still do, but I didn't want it to hurt you more when I blow up L'Manberg...

Darling, I could have simply called you on your communicator and took you out on a surprise date but I couldn't have expressed my feelings. You have become an integral part of me. I want to give you all my love throughout my life.

The painting you made me is beautiful and I will cherish it for as long as I'm alive... It's a perfect picture of imperfection...

I Love You, (Y/n), even if by now you'll never love me back.

- Wilbur Soot

"That... That idiot..." You whispered, holding your head in your hands in an attempt to hide the tears from Ghostbur, "He planned blowing up L'Manberg from the beginning... That's why he refused to acknowledge me after I... He wanted me to hate him..."

Ghostbur held a bit of blue in his hands tightly, avoiding your gaze as you murmured to yourself, "Yeah... Most of my happiest memories involve you... That's why I couldn't understand when you said Aliverbur hated you..." He glanced away again as he saw you look at him.

"(Y/n)... Are you ever going to move out of Pogtopia?"

"Probably not for a long time, Ghostbur."

#pogtopia wilbur #pogtopia wilbur x reader #c!wilbur x reader #wilbur soot x reader #pogtopia wilbur soot x reader #dsmp x reader #dream smp #dreamsmp x reader #mcyt x reader #wilbur mcyt #villain wilbur #villain wilbur x reader

[ghostie-my-beloved]

c!wilbur affection headcanons

Synopsis: just some cuddly headcanons of being with c!Wilbur

Pairing: Wilbur Soot x GN!reader (they/them)

Genre: fluff, but it gets slightly angsty at the end

A/N: So I feel like kicking off this blog with some fluffy headcanons with my favorite music man. This can be seen as platonic or romantic btw! Hope you enjoy. ALSO IGNORE THAT THE BANNER SAYS FLUFF IM TOO LAZY TO CHANGE IT (art credits to petghost413 on Reddit)

TW: Mentions of death, mentions of explosions, mentions of mirrors/glass breaking, swearing

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Wilbur isn’t a very affectionate person, as a man who’s always working to fight for his country anyways

Pre villain arc Wilbur would do his best to squeeze in as much time for you, wanting to watch out for his allies anyways

He doesn’t want to neglect his loved ones anyways, he’s just a busy man

Sometimes when he’s really stressed, you just hug Wilbur from behind and he’ll melt

Likes it when you play with his hair too, maybe even put it up in a braid too

“You’re working too much, Will. Take a break.”

“I can’t I have to fill out these pa—“

“If I play with your hair will you stop poking your nose into those papers?”

“…. Maybe?”

Election/Pogtopia era was harder to show affection towards him because of the weight of what was going on

You’d sneak out of Manberg with the help of Fundy or Niki to see them, but it was always a hard sight when visiting

The music man getting kicked from his own country + having to deal with a stressed out and panicky Tommy made things harder than they always seemed

Wilbur wasn’t even starting to act like himself anymore, but you wanted to show that you cared for him

When he’s up in the middle of the night, you’d drag him to bed, and snuggle up into his chest, as a way of reassuring that things will be okay

While he’s reluctant, he gladly accepts this affection from you, as he drifts off to a peaceful sleep

When he wakes up, he’d see that you’re gone, but you’d leave him a note filled with nothing but support to keep him calm

“Wilbur, you’ve been up for the past four hours now, get some sleep.” You desperately told him, trying to get him to rest.

“Not now, Y/N. I— I have to stay up- otherwise things are gonna go to shit. I’m only doing what’s best for us.” The brunette bluntly stated, waving you off. But you stood your ground, grabbed his wrist and dragged him, making him squeak a bit.

“Y/N what the fu—“ “It’s clear that your dumbass won’t take care of yourself, so I’ll do it myself.”

Revivedbur is an interesting but scary case

After Wilbur’s death you were absolutely crushed, not only because you were really close to him, but because he was one of the few people that understood you

You resided in Techno’s place to keep your mind of off the more recent stuff that has been happening, but you do visit Tubbo and Ranboo every now and then

After the whole Tommy getting trapped/killed arc, surely things couldn’t get any worse, right?

Nope, turns out that you got a message from Tommy reading “Wilbur is back”

You dropped your phone in shock

After a whole catastrophe of running around the SMP to find this man, you found him in front of the community house just— standing there

It was hard trying to get you both into a stable friendship/relationship again, as you are aware of how bad his actions were

So Wilbur tried his best to make it up to you

He’d either take you out for walks around the entire server, or just spend some quality time with you in your home

Since he got revived, Wilbur has a hard time looking at himself because he’s scared of himself

One time you caught him punching a mirror because he stared at himself for too long

You woke up to the sound of glass shattering, as you rushed downstairs to see a shaky Wilbur , clenching his bloodied fist, with shards of glass scattered all over the floor

You didn’t worry about stepping on the glass, as you had your slippers on. You quickly rushed to the medkit and sat Wilbur down as you treated his hand

He then explained why he did that and you reassured him that he would be fine, telling him that you’d always be with him no matter what happened

“Look you idiot, I know things have been bumpy lately but… I just want you to know that I’ll always be here if you need me, I can promise you that.” You spoke softly to the tall man, consolidating him as best as you can.

Wilbur then looked at you, his bright ruby eyes meeting with your own, he sighed before parting you on the head, smiling to himself. “I- I don’t know what to say other than… thank you, Y/N.”

Wilbur is grateful to have you on his side, even if he doesn’t show it that well, he’s always appreciated your company from the very start

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#dsmp #dsmp fanfic #dream smp fandom #dream smp #revived wilbur #wilbur soot #dsmp wilbur #lmanberg #tommyinnit #tubbolive #ranboo #dream smp fanfiction #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt wilbur #wilbur x you #wilbur x reader #x reader

[rumblelibrary]

The Diary of Doctor Laszlo Kreizler

Chapter 1

Synopsis: Alienist’s notes are private, sometimes gruesome, secrets of others and of himself.Those pages belongs to secrecy and decadence, have a glimpse to this world made of drafts, notes, accidents and reflections. Or maybe it is you the only person that should ever reach for it.

While you read this imagine Laszlo mostly at the end of his day, scraping the ideas and the thoughts, adjusting previous notes with additions, closing the day behind himself with a couple of sentences while sitting in his evening robe, a good glass of whiskey and his glasses bridged almost at the tip of his nose. Or maybe imagine yourself, you sneaky thing, reach for it from a far shelf.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: listen, this is the set of ideas and confessions of a man living in the 1890’s. Most of them will be outdated, rough, even deprecating in some analysis of the roles of men, women and social status, religion, etc.So be prepared, my point is to make Laszlo reflect upon those topics, but to be as faithful as I can to his time. Mention of death, mutilation, self harm and a minor depiction of a fight. Psychologically troubled young children ahead! Author’s note: I am a nerd for a good Victorian novel and a sexy Alienist.I have always been charmed by Laszlo’s mind and inner conflicts. So I took the chance and tried to have a run into that rollercoaster.  The story is placed between season 1 and season 2.

Diary belonging to Dr. Laszlo Kreizler.  This is a professional book of annotations over medical treatments of an alienist toward his patients. Do not disclose and send it back to the address if found: Kreizler’s Institute, xxxxxx, New York City (NY) L.K.

Samuel Griswold Goodrich, Illustrated Natural History of the Animal Kingdom (c1859). Contributed for digitization by University Library, University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.

Schiller in his “Die Weltweisen” wrote: So long as philosophy keeps together the structure of the Universe so long does it maintain the world’s machinery by hunger and love. From the philosopher point of view sexual life takes a subordinate position in human’s life, from recent studies pushed by European philosophers, everything is about sexuality and its development. I like to think of the experience of being an alienist as the process of Queen Penelope that, while waiting for her husband Ulysses return, undoes her craftwork every night. I undo the fabulous constructs of people’s beliefs to go back to the rough sketch that stands at the beginning of their loss, their complex, their pain. Maybe that’s why working with children is so motivating and fascinating. They can be saved and yet, I am well aware, some of those sketches already traced in their young lives equal to scars that not even the most advanced theories could cure. But I can sooth them. I can prevent them the torment, the anguish, the recollection at night of those monsters. I feel like a poet would be a better alienist than a philosopher, but I have got no poetry nor philosophy in my veins, but the cold experience of the razor blade judgment of Life itself.

Today I observed a fight among the children at the Institute. Age range between 10 and 12. Boys. The fight was over the possession of a side of the playground, the territory of a pack  of youngsters formed under the name of Steven. Peculiar lad, coming from a military background finds comfort in replicating the schemes he lived in his family. He takes the role of the Father/Captain of the team and subjects children that come from a similar background story, but do not posses his same attitude to the command. All quiet on the front, until the space he declared is own spot got affected by the presence of others.  Intruders. I knowingly let the events unfold to see how Steven would react to his challenged authority. His reaction was, at first, worded, a sketch, a stage-play of an action he witnessed over and over, and he knew the part so well that some of the contending kids lowered their stance against him. Among considering to mildly intervene into this pyramid scheme of authority, another boy, Jan, calls himself on the role of the educator and hero of the masses and proceeds to unfold a wild and well assessed punch on the newly declared dictator face. Balance is established again. No need for me to arbitrate, once more the laws of nature seem to apply to children as in a state of nature.

Meet John Moore over lunch. His job at the newspaper is picking up, he is charmed by the spirits and the wits that he finds in his shared office with all the other writers. He mentions many, goes on and on over qualities and troubles, gossips and tendencies, and even little scandals here and there. To be aware of all those details gives me no interest, but to see a dear friend so invested clearly gives me something to pick up. To consider also the amount of details and the way he describes this or that member of the journal, I can do a small exercise of analysis. It is almost too easy because John is painfully genuine, even some of the kids at the institute would beat him hands down in a battle of lies. The more he likes somebody, the more he goes on about all the details and the characteristics, often letting aside the physical appearance. When he doesn’t like somebody he has a couple of adjectives for the wits and around four or five for the physical aspects that usually indulge on some repulsive idiosyncrasies.  John is a man that painfully fits in the storyline of The Picture of Dorian Gray: to him physical beauty is spiritual beauty and, of course, the other way around. This part of him surely intrigues me, makes me want to tease more from him. But, as a friend, it concerns me as John is way too prone to purposelessly decide that somebody with good eyes is also a good human being, which is a very romantic and admirably naive way of judging matters. I noticed some names that keep repeating in his narration. I dread that it is synonymous of a soon encounter from my side with the objects of his admiration. Fetiches, I dare to say, that I will have to annihilate before they sediment into his mind, perpetuating a narration that soon sees John being mislead by others.

Reserved: Tickets for the Eroica, Symphony n. 3 by Ludwig van Beethoven. Thursday evening.

Note on the show: the first movement lacked the pathos needed to begin with, I am not sure that the guest orchestra really managed to portray the wider emotional ground needed to withstand the whole representation. As the evening progressed there were some outstanding performances by the cellists. Still not approving the choice of reprising the early quick finale movement against the lengthy set of variations and fugue that we are used to in presence of the Eroica. Underwhelming the performance of the horn and oboe, vital in the comprehension of the genius of Beethoven. 

Niki is a new addition of the Institute, quite old for the standards. He is already 16, he will leave when summer ends to some expensive college his family meant him to stay. His parents expect me to make him “normal” in the time we are allowed together.  He is Austrian and I let him act it out like I don’t understand German for the first week of hist stay until today. I believe I hit his pride, which is good, in the moment I answered back to one of his sneaky comments. Now he knows. He is not safe from me, he doesn’t like it. The young man has a tendency to danger, risky tasks and edgy situations. In his mother’s own words “Niki is not afraid of anything”. The phrase didn’t raise any excitement in the father, rather some sort of painful acceptance that is role as the alpha male of the house is probably not only being challenged, but  already diminished, if not abolished. I have taken in consideration that Niki will break himself a bone or two in the process of the therapy, probably out of the spite of boredom or rebellion. It took him less than few days to turn himself into an outcast among the outcasts, which only drives me closer to analyse the complexity of his narcissistic wall of self defence. I gave him a physical challenge to lift a certain weight, he is a pretty skinny one, he didn’t like the challenge, but I am sure he will take it. He is a brainy guy, he hates to be questioned on unfamiliar ground. He won’t sleep at night thinking about it.  A challenge, in this first phase, can only bring me closer to the ease of his pains. To continue the observation.

It is a sad privilege of medicine, in particular the one I practice, to be able to witness the weaknesses of the human nature and the reverse side of life. Nevertheless, I oblige this same privilege of the study as life moves into shades of darkness. To be aware of it gives more solace to my soul than to be victim of patiently waiting for the inevitable unfolding of the events. To be able to understand more about psychology would bring more comfort and elevation to any human being, the times might not be there yet, but eventually something will move into the direction of a more wholesome approach.

Dinner meeting with Sara Howard, at the restaurant Jardin Des Cygnes, 7 pm sharp.  Do not expect to reach the dessert. Do not know if John will be participating due to undeniable tension among the two and the fatal despise of John over French cuisine.

The case that Sara unfolded tonight to my ears feels more and more like pulled out from some gothic book or from the mind of a Roman historian that needed to justify the godly origins of an Emperor. One killing, apparently random, a very constructed iconography over the body. Signs and insults, shapes and drawings. Is this a work of art? Does the killer wants his victim to be his Mona Lisa? His David? I am charmed and destabilised. If this was a murder like any other, then why to spend so much time into it? Based on the description the act of killing itself was quick: a sharp cut over the throat, almost like not wanting to ruin too much the surface to use as base for, what? I keep rerunning those symbols over and over as Sara described them to me, my mind is flooded with the designs of greek philosophers that needed to explain themselves why the sky is above our head and never collapses on us. Hilarious how, no matter the science advancement, in the mind of many the sky stands inevitably overt their shoulders, suffocates them, brings them to a death of the soul and not of the body. Is all this graphic charade indeed only a form to scream for attention?  To stress the eyes of an unaware viewer? It seems ridiculously elaborate, a scream for attention would be quick, it would be like guided by instinct, not reasoning, craftwork. Any man with a knife can paint in blood red the walls of a room and that’s asking for attention. That is the primal howl: look at me! I am here! But this one.  I don’t know yet.

Spent the early morning reading anew my copy of The Metamorphosis by Ovid. Didn’t touch it in a long time and I got bedazzled by the world of terrible sensuality, anger and selfishness of those gods and mortals. I think back at all the deviances and weaknesses of human kind and I try to relate it to all of those humanoid figures. Niki would be a minotaur, the lonesome son left in the labyrinth and his strive for success is his bull’s head. Or maybe a centaur, because of his wits and strategic thinking. I might keep up the process, maybe this is the way to understand my patients better, to understand the killer better. Must remember not to romanticise it. Greek gods were probably the first form of self indulging of a society that needed gods to be forgiving and allowing favours and punishments, but only in exchange of sacrifices. But the sacrifice never comes from the God’s will, but from the will of the man that perpetuates the act of killing. To sacrifice someone or something is the sadistic response to a lack of love deeply inherited in human mind that becomes neurotic. Is the killer giving the God of his own neurosis a body to feast upon? 

I talked with Jan this morning. The young boy is about 10, but he acts like a full grown adult. I could easily asses that’s the reason why he could challenge Steven in that fight. Two children mimicking adults situations they know too well. Jan is son of an industrial man, but he is also son of the dialectics of the industrial revolution. He sounds like he swallowed some of those books about working class rights and communism, probably pushed by a resentful surrounding (mother?uncle? the midwife?) over the social role of his father. As much as incredibly smart and lectured, Jan lost most of his early occasions in life by spending a considerable amount of time using his fists. The anger ever present in the young boy always surprises me, he seems to be holding a power, a strength of a full grown man in those tiny arms. Nevertheless, he is already the tallest of the group. He is surely an idealist, which makes him also tragically fragile. His strength mixed with his heart of gold can make him the best of the heroes or the worst of the villains. He apologised for the fight, he specified how he didn’t like the sound of Steven’s voice, more than the sound, the level of pitch.  I can’t stand somebody shouting orders, I just don’t listen anymore. He is so mature even about his own feelings, almost a gentleman in his chivalry toward the weaker children, honest with his open heart and resentful against any form of injustice.  I am not spared by his ways, he would come at me whenever he feels like I was being partial over some of the kids, his sense of justice blinds him and transform a perfectly balanced boy into a ranging animal.

Ordered book, to be delivered around tomorrow evening: Introduction à la méthode de Léonard de Vinci by Paul Valéry. Suddenly feeling myself as a gross ignorant in art themes. I always regarded myself aware of the artistic personalities and tendencies of present and past, but this new amount of perceptions over the human figure and the human body leads me to document myself more. I could ask John for advice, but he wouldn’t take things at matter that seriously. I can almost hear him say how I can make gruesome a pleasant topic such as art. I should probably wait to see the body to push any further aesthetic study, but I find myself not being able to stop. I reckon, I can allow myself a vice or two.

Today I saw the body of the killed man, courtesy of the Isaacson's. To be fair, I had underestimated it. In Sara’s descriptions, probably due to her more analytic mind, all the charm of the representation got lost in favour of a less cryptic and reasonable understanding of the act. Sara got what some alienists will call a masculine mind, which I don’t perfectly agree on. If I apply that same approach John would be a very feminine mind, all wrapped up in romanticising even the ugliest. I guess that dividing the world in “fragile and gentle” and “strong and powerful” is just easier to explain the fluctuation of something that doesn’t need a real name or a category like human inclinations on thoughts.  I got a feverish sense of patience by looking at the body. Each symbol traced with sapient slowness, dense of the time that the killer spent with the body. That is a work of hours, he had time and meaning. He had resources and was able to spend not less than the time he needed to reach, a vision? An ideal? A message? Is it the message meant to be understood? Am I supposed to unravel it or it is maybe just the way the killer communicates within himself? And if I do decifrate the code, will that bring me closer to him? Or to his next victim?

Reminder: ask John to replicate all the symbols on the bodies in the correct measure and order. It might be needed some hard convincing. Addition: scheduled meeting, his house, 3 pm.

It wasn’t a day like any other when I met you. Or maybe it was, and that’s why I got so struck by it and now I am here playing it over and over through what my memory clung on so desperately. In my own experience, life was often similar to swimming in a lake. Those rich, dense lakes in the north of (illegible cancelled word) were my father used to bring us during summer. I still feel the pull, the draw down toward the abyss. It ashamed me, in a way, the fear that such a simple feeling aroused in my young mind, unaware nevertheless, that such a feeling would follow me through all my existence. It was a prophecy and, like most of the prophecies, was a riddle. I cradle in my heart the charm of those days, the mindless happiness. The foolish feeling of freedom. Little I knew that freedom would be taken away from me that soon, that the body that used to navigate me over the dense waters, helping me to fight the haul toward the unknown, would become my own cage. That day. Today. The day where I met you, the day I was afloat.  The child gasping for air felt the wrench become a gentle push and now he is floating on his back over the scary waters of reality and malice. It gave me relief and it gave me terror, because since that very moment I knew that I would never be able to move on from the sight of you. From the feeling of your eyes lingering on me. From the smile you so easily shone upon me. From the whiff of imported perfume that hit me when you turned on side exploding that swan like neck. And nothing, not even my stern look, could dim that wave of hope that your sole presence washed over me. The abyss roars, calls me to a home of damnation and terror and curses my name and yet you repeated that hell-bound name of mine after me and I felt safe.

John told me so much about you, it feels like I have always known you.

The rope is gone from my neck, the guillotine won’t fall on me, I am spared, I am free.

I have read your latest article, I am thrilled to help with the case.

I am in disbelief.

Your voice.

Dr. Kreizler

How dare you? How dare you to come into my life, to appear, like a vision, mystical, in a way I despised at University when all those theology students talked about the divine. In this very moment I can’t recollect much of what you said, something about the case, about going with John at the obituary. It feels confusing, I feel overstimulated, my memory fails me, I am not sure anymore. I write these few lines and it is passed the hour of the witches and I wish, I demand, to never see you again, because life should never grant hope to a condemned man. 

#dr laszlo kreizler #dr laszlo kreizler imagine #dr laszlo kreizler x reader #dr laszlo kreizler x you #laszlo kreizler #laszlo kreizler headcanons #laszlo kreizler x reader #the alienist fanfic #victorian age #v writes #the diary of doctor laszlo kreizler

[therenlover]

Would The Danny Bunch Survive A Holiday With My Family?

A/n: In the wake of recent life garbage, I have neglected to write a whole fic, and I’m sorry. In the interim, please enjoy this writing exercise I have put together in the hopes of nailing some characters I haven’t written for in the past in time for a larger project I’m working on! Cheers!

Characters: Laszlo Kreizler, Alex Kerner, Niki Lauda, Andrea Marowski, Ernst Schmidt, and Helmut Zemo

Rating: T

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Mild Misogyny, Mentions of Alcohol/Alcoholism, Mentions of Mental Illness, Non-Graphic Mentions of Death, Minor Spoilers for The Alienist Season One, Minor Spoilers for Goodbye, Lenin!, Spoilers for Rush (2013), Minor Spoilers for The Cloverfield Paradox maybe??? I haven’t actually seen the whole movie, blame Wikipedia if things are wrong. 

Laszlo Kreizler

NO

As the first of all of the Dannys to be put through the ringer, Laszlo Kreizler unfortunately would not survive a holiday with my family.

First of all, this man does not like massive huggy kissy crowds, so he’d already be off his game the second he walked into the packed house. That’s not why he’d die though, surprisingly.  

His downfall would be his status as an Alienist. 

There is simply so much mental illness and childhood trauma present at my family holidays that he would combust within 15 minutes of sitting in a room with all of my relatives.

Even if he were to somehow make it past the introductory phase, my family is nosey as hell, so they’d be grilling him about his arm and his own childhood trauma within the first hour. 

Laszlo, for all of his strength, simply wouldn’t be able to withstand it.

His death wouldn’t come from the initial combustion though. No, it’s not that simple. 

Knowing Laszlo, once he had combusted and entirely lost his composure the first time, he would become extremely intrigued about the interconnected nature of everyones issues with each other and he would start asking questions. 

That’s where the problems would begin. 

Because it’s one thing if my drunk great aunt starts badmouthing her sister at the table for abandoning her 90 year old mother for a lake house with her new boyfriend. That’s fine. 

But when Laszlo hops in and starts picking apart the mommy issues and underlying reasons for their decades long sibling rivalry? 

Oh it would be over for him. 

The yelling would never end. 

And, I have no doubt that Laszlo would start to psychoanalyze whoever started to yell at him, which would only lead to more yelling. 

In the end, someone would throw a probably full and probably fresh out of the oven casserole dish at his head and he’d be unable to defend himself because of his weak arm. 

We’d have to cart him out in a wheelchair and even if he were to technically survive, he’d never come back. 

Therefor, Laszlo Kreizler would fall victim to my family and die before we even got to dessert. 

Alex Kerner

YES

Ah, little baby Alex! A great contender here for holiday survival.

He seems relatively young in comparison to most of the Dannys on this list, though I don’t actually know how old he’s supposed to be. 

Based on his relative youth, he would automatically get points with the fam for not seeming like a creep or sugar daddy. Instead, he could be just about any dude I brought home from college. 

His skillset as a semi-skilled laborer would also earn him some points, seeing as several members of the family are in similar professions.

Alex might get lost in some of the more complex conversations about the local organic scene or the fine details of running a fine art gallery, but he would fit right in with the majority of the younger members of the family, smiling and nodding his way through the conversation. 

His enthusiasm and optimism would brighten the room and leave everyone excited to see him around again. 

There’s also the semi-small detail of him caring for his mother, which would earn sympathy from the older members of the family as they are in charge of caring for my deaf, blind great grandmother. 

Now, all of these aspects have already set Alex up for a successful survival of a holiday dinner with my family, but the real secret weapon he has up his sleeve is what really cements him in place as a survivor. 

What is his secret weapon, you may ask?

Lies.

Alex Kerner is really, really good at lying, and is even better at figuring out increasingly convoluted ways to keep his lies straight. 

If he managed to hide to fuckin’ Berlin Wall coming down from his mother for as long as he did, he could keep a couple of white lies up for appearances if he was asked any potentially embarrassing or weird questions that would make him look bad. 

He could also lie about enjoying my great aunt’s cooking, which is a vital skill for holiday survival in my family. 

Therefor, at the end of the day, Alex Kerner would not only survive a holiday with my family, but he’d probably enjoy it and get invited back for every subsequent holiday he could possibly attend. 

Niki Lauda

NO

Niki is another Danny that falls very firmly into the category of characters that would absolutely not survive a holiday with my family, for many, many reasons. 

First of all, just like Laszlo, Niki is not huge on going to big huggy kissy parties. 

Both adults and children would be all over him the second he walked in the door, which would probably make Niki get very uncomfortable and cagey. 

Little does he know at that point that people aren’t just all over you when you get in the door. 

No, no, no; from the moment you show up to the moment you leave, if you’re at a holiday with my family you are being basically accosted with questions and hugs and conversations that get weirdly personal. 

It doesn’t help that the whole entire house is packed and there are eyes on you at every moment, so he wouldn’t even be able to sneak in a break for air or a cigarette. 

If my own mother can’t sneak out for a smoke when she’s been going to these events her whole life, the new guy who’s still being vetted by the family sure as hell won’t be able to either.

Needless to say, Niki would start to get really, really tired of it all in an hour tops. I’ll give him until dinner at most. 

That’s where things would start getting really sticky.

See, a lovely little fact about the Niki Lauda that lives in my brain, as portrayed by Daniel Bruhl in Rush (2013), is that he’s just a little bit misogynistic. No more than would be period typical, but a little misogynistic.

Another fun little important thing to note is that my family is entirely matriarchal in nature. 

There are only 4 reoccurring male guests at family holidays out of about 20 to 25 guests at each event; My great aunt’s husband of many, many years, the two male siblings my mother has that live in the area, and the young son of one of those siblings. 

Men, specifically boyfriends, simply do not last in my family. They are considered pretty disposable and easily banned from family events after breakups or small mishaps. 

So, not only would Niki not have any other manly men there to chat about sports with over a scotch and a cigarette, he would be surrounded by so much estrogen that he would definitely struggle with his inner asshole even more than usual. 

In fact, we never have sports on, even on Thanksgiving. Poor Niki would be stuck hearing conversations about artisanal candlemakers and how to hand felt a woodland elf puppet.

Back to his downfall, the second he made a slightly sketchy joke about women in the kitchen at the dinner table to my great uncle, his fate would be sealed.

If you thought the yelling at Laszlo would have been bad, this yelling would be ten times worse, because he would be surrounded by like 20 very angry, very defensive, and very strong women waiting to beat the shit out of him and I would not be any help. 

He dug the hole, so he can climb out of it. 

In the end, his death would come when he tried to light a cigarette and calm himself down at the dinner table while trying to rescind his earlier statement, because smoking inside around all the precious textile art? Thats a big no no. 

My great aunt would grab the lighter right out of his hand, light up whatever cocktail she had at the moment, and throw it all directly into Niki’s face.

It would be like crashing his car all over again, only this time he would be surrounded by people who would rather he burn than try to get him out of the situation. 

Moral of the story, Niki would die within the first few hours of a holiday with my family because he made an asshole comment to a room full of women who don’t put up with that shit. Don’t be like Niki, even if you think you won’t get killed for it. 

Andrea Marowski

YES

Andrea is pretty much the polar opposite of Niki here, and I love him for it. 

He is very soft, very kind, very pure, and would never dare to say something rude at the dinner table like a certain racer we all know.

He couldn’t even say something rude if he tried to, because he probably wouldn’t have the English in his vocabulary to say the things he wanted to say even if he intended to say them out loud. 

But let’s be honest here, Andrea would never. 

Even with his limited English, Andrea would appreciate being surrounded by a whole bunch of people who think he’s the sweetest little thing since the invention of cake. 

My great grandmother, despite being almost entirely blind and deaf, would say he looked darling and he would immediately be a member of the family from the moment he stuttered out his thanks. 

Andrea, like Alex, is also relatively young, so he would get points for not being old enough to be my father. 

I feel like, because Andrea was shown living happily in a tiny village by the ocean with two old ladies, he would have an appreciation for craft, so he wouldn’t mind sitting quietly as my great aunt pawns off a handmade blanket from my great grandmother to him. 

He would also happily sit with the younger children and do whatever craft or simple game one of my aunts brought for them that time. 

The cherry on top with Andrea is his skill with the violin. 

My family is one that appreciates fine art a lot, but more than anything we appreciate music. 

I wouldn’t say that any of us are anywhere close to Andrea’s proficiency, but we definitely aren’t terrible, and we all can appreciate the effort, practice, and talent that goes into getting truly good on an instrument like Andrea is on his violin. 

He would be encouraged to play, of course, and he would happily oblige. 

If he felt comfortable enough, I could even see my great uncle grabbing his guitar, my cousin sitting at the piano, and my sister bringing out her own violin to do a little quartet with some simple song they knew as everybody else sang along. 

By the end of the holiday evening, once dinner was served and people were heading to the cars, Andrea would definitely be considered a member of the family. 

Needless to say, he’d survive and pass their tests with better than flying colors, even despite the language barrier. 

Ernst Schmidt

NO

Now, Ernst was probably the most difficult one on this entire list to put into the living or dying category. In the end, though, there were a few things that couldn’t be overlooked that send him into bad territory. 

To be fair, though, he would last the longest out of everyone who would die tragically at one of my family’s holiday gatherings. 

He, like the past two victims, would not be exactly suited for the mushy crowding that’s inevitable when it comes to my family. 

That being said, I think he would deal with it a little bit better than the other two did and would make polite conversation with the family when he could. 

The fact that he was trapped in a packed house filled with drunk people who have several generations worth of beef with each other, though, would start to get him eventually. 

If we consider all of the shit that happened while he was in space to be canonical minus, you know, the earth getting really fucked up, he would probably start to go a little bit nuts while packed together with that many passive aggressive people.

The second someone burst into tears on the way to the bathroom he would start to lose his shit. 

Still, I think Schmidt would probably be fine-ish until dessert was served, because that’s about the time where all the adults are absurdly drunk, so insanity ensues. 

They would start poking at him about his credentials and experiences as a physicist. 

He would answer their questions at first, but, unfortunately for him, the questions would turn more and more personal and uncomfortable as time went on. 

Did he ever still think about what happened up in space? Did he blame himself for not getting things to work correctly? How much did he miss his old world and old life? Did he ever have nightmares about what he saw? How much did it hurt to get shot?

They’d poke and poke and poke in their drunken state until poor Schmidt would snap at them, flying into a slight rage at their insistent probing. 

From there, he would be swiftly asked to leave and then “accidentally” run over while calling an Uber to take him to wherever he’s staying as my drunk great aunt tries to back out of the driveway to drive down the block to her house. 

In the end, Schmidt and his wit would be really close to surviving a holiday with my family , but he would, unfortunately, let his anger get the best of him, and it would be the last thing he ever did. Literally. 

Helmut Zemo

YES, BUT ONLY BARELY

Okay, so my earlier comment about Ernst being the most difficult out of everyone was incorrect. Zemo was, by far, the hardest to put into one category or the other. 

His wit and charm won out in the end, though, and I determined that he would survive one single holiday with my family. 

If he ever came back for a second he definitely wouldn’t make it, but he would succeed in living past the first one. 

Helmut’s problems start, surprisingly, not with the fact that he is a criminal. In fact that doesn’t even cause any problems for him. 

No, instead they start with the fact that he is 43.

I am 99% sure that my mother is 43, and I know for a definite fact that he’s older than one of my uncles who would be present. I, at the time of writing this, am 18. 

Needless to say, literally everyone would be massively suspicious of him and his intentions the second he walked through the door. The amount of money in his bank account definitely wouldn’t help in this situation either. 

The family would warm up to him eventually, though, because if there’s one thing Helmut is good at besides killing people, it’s making people like him even if they absolutely shouldn’t. 

With his expansive knowledge of what feels like literally everything rich and niche, he would slowly win over the older members of the family. Who knew the strange old man Jac brought home was so well versed in the American pottery scene, or that he could name specific jewelry artists from across the world that my family had done business with for years?

My family definitely wouldn’t. At least, not at first. 

Oh how they’d learn, though. 

Another nice thing about Zemo that would allow him to survive is his aggressive politeness.

No matter how many weird glances or dirty looks he got over the course of dinner, he would simply continue to be the best version of himself in the hopes of impressing everyone. 

He would even pretend to enjoy my great aunt’s cooking and get himself seconds, because I’m sure it would be easier to scarf down than whatever he and his EKO Scorpion squad had to eat while serving in the Sokovian special forces. 

On the tail end of reasons he would be accepted, Helmut Zemo drinks alcohol like it’s water, so he would fit right in drinking white wine and cocktails through the night with the rest of the adults. 

((I think he’d totally tease me about not being able to drink with him, but that’s a story for another time. Anyways...))

His slight downfall would come from something entirely uncontrollable by him or anybody else. 

And that something would be my flirty aunt. 

I love my aunt. She’s wonderful in her own special way. 

That being said, I know if a hot Sokovian baron with a nice smile and a fat pocketbook showed up to one of out holidays, even if he was introduced as my partner, she would be going for the kill all night long. 

This would make Helmut more and more uncomfortable as she got more and more drunk, because lets face it, he’s probably not very comfortable with being touched by near-strangers anyways, and being touched by a drunk member of his partners family who is very obviously coming on to him? 

That’s even more difficult to deal with. 

That being said, Helmut is a man who has been shown to be extremely in control of his emotions. 

He would swallow down whatever awkwardness he felt, make it to the end of the night, and, once he had escaped her clutches, he would politely say that he was never going back to another holiday function with my family again, though he would be happy to facilitate me still attending them. 

So, in the end, Helmut Zemo would survive one holiday with his sheer stubborn politeness alone. 

I will say that his patience would absolutely wear thin if he attended a couple more holidays and he would eventually die of a stress induced heart attack after being unable to politely decline my aunt’s advances. 

For now, though, he’s safe.

#zemo #baron zemo #helmut zemo #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #niki lauda #andrea marowski #ernst schmidt #laszlo kreizler #alex kerner #jac rambles #imagine #the danny bunch

[strawberry-jammers]

choir and kisses

a niki x reader school au, where there in choir together and have a project to work on. maybe they kiss? maybe

this baisically inspired my school au tbh

masterlist

Niki sat in her choir class, exhausted from her previous class. The kids were just too much to be around and didn't have the mental strength to deal with them sometimes. She opened her choir folder, putting it on her stand.

“Yo niki, you good?'' Wilbur says, sitting down next to her. “I'm fine, but Wilbur, you're not in this class. I thought you were in orchestra.” she answers, looking at the tall man. “I am, I just don't have a class right now so I decided to visit you.” niki nodded. “Oh right, seniors have free hours sometimes.” he nodded at niki’s statement, opening his phone. “Texting sally?” niki asks, making Wilbur blush. “No no I'm not.” niki laughs, turning to the front of the room when the bell rings.

“Alright everyone, we will be doing a group project today! Your gonna do a presentation of a musical and then sing a duet together! Your partners are posted on google classroom.” niki opened her phone, seeing who she was partnered with. Wilbur just sighed, staring at niki. “Mind if i hang with you and your partner?” wilbur asks. Niki nodded. “Yeah its fine. Seems like I'm partnered with your sibling!” wilbur just started laughing. “What are you laughing at?” he calmed down slightly. “It's just that you have the biggest crush on them, it's gonna be so funny.” niki blushed. “I don't have a crush on them! We’re friends, I don't like them like that wilbur.” he just laughed at this. “Niki, your blushing!” niki huffed. 

“Wilbur leave Nikki alone, besides we need to do work!” niki turned to see (y/n) yelling at their brother. “I'm still pissed at you for leaving me to deal with techno and tommy.” Wilbur laughs nervously. “I'll do your chores if you don't tell dad.” “deal!” (y/n) sits in the empty seat next to nikki.

“So, what musical do you want to do for the project? Note that we do have to do a duet.” (y/n) says, setting their folder down. “Maybe we could maybe do into the woods? It takes two isn't that hard of a song to do.” niki suggests. “Yeah, we can do that!” niki and (y/n) started to work on their presentation, getting what they needed before they had to leave for class. Wilbur occasionally budded in, bored out of his mind. 

“Maybe you should have chosen a different class wilbs. Maybe bother tommy.” (y/n) says, listening to the song they were gonna do. “I dont wanna hang out with Tommy, he's always bothering me about my music.” he crosses his arms and sinks into his chair. “Oh calm down, he's just excited.” niki says, gathering information on her phone. “Niki, you don't have any siblings, shoosh.” niki just laughs. 

Things went on like this, right until the class was nearly over. “Oh, niki, you should come over tonight to finish the project. We could practice the song as well!” (y/n) says, moving their chair for the orchestra class that was next. “Yeah, that would be great! I could come over after school?” niki asks. “Yeah, we can walk home together! Gotta make sure to leave Wilbur behind though, he would constantly complain if he were to come along.`` We laugh together. The bell soon rings. “Alright, see you after class ends!” (y/n) says, picking up their stuff. “See you then!” niki puts away her stuff and leaves soon after.

Class went on, (y/n) very excited that niki would be coming over, yet also very nervous. They knew Wilbur would just say something. (y/n) turned to techno, who was in their english class. “Techno, did you read the book we were supposed to read?” technoblade turned to them. “(y/n), this is the second time you're taking this class and you didn't read the book? Again?” (y/n) just glares at him. “I don't like the book, okay! Anyway, did you read it?” techno just sighs, nodding. (y/n) smiled. “Oh thank god! Okay, help me with the essay then.” techno agrees, knowing if they didn't pass, he would get in trouble for not helping.

After a half hour, the bell rings, signalling that school has ended. (y/n) picks up their things, heading to their locker. They see niki waiting for them there. “Did you get out of class early?” (y/n) asked, unlocking the locker. “Yeah, I asked the teacher and she said it was fine!” (y/n) shoves their things into their bag. “Well that's nice of her! Anyways, we better get moving or one of my brothers would force us to ride home with them.” niki nodded, closing (y/n)’s locker for them. They walked down the stairs, heading out of one of the school's many doors.

They walked home, talking about random things as they went along. “You ever think about getting run over when your crossing the road?” niki stared at (y/n), concerned at their comment. “No? Are you okay?” (y/n) nodded. “Yeah im fine.”

After ten minutes, they reach the minecrafts home, noticing that they weren't home yet. “Oh thank god, i forgot they had to pick up tubbo as well.” (y/n) says, opening the door. They both walked inside the dark home. “Im gonna get us some food, just head up to my room!” (y/n) says, taking off their shows and heading to the kitchen. “Alright!” niki says, taking of her own shoes and heading upstairs. Niki spotted a door that had the progressive flag on it. “Oh thats new!” niki says, entering (y/n)’s room. “Wow, their rooms changed since I was last here.

(y/n)’s room was painted (f/c), and had drawings and posters all over the room. They had a desk, with their pc and art stuff atop it. Their bed was unmade, having stuffed animals all over the place. Niki spotted a whale plushie seated on their pillow. “Aww they kept it!” niki had given it to them years ago, so she found it sweet that it was still there.

(y/n) soon came up, holding a bunch of snakes and some cokes. “Sorry this is all we had, tommy wont let us buy anything else.” (y/n) says, handing niki the coke. “Oh, that's alright!” they sit down on (y/n)’s bed. (y/n) sat their snakes on their desk, so as not to spill them all over. 

“Okay, we need to actually put the presentation together. You have the notes right?” niki nodded, grabbing her phone while (y/n) sat at their pc, not too far from the pink haired girl. “Okay, so we have-” they did this for a while, niki reading the notes while (y/n) wrote them into the google slide. It soon got to the part where they had to sing their song. 

“Okay, so I'll be the baker, and you can be the other one.” (y/n) says, opening the song for them to sing. “Okay, i can do that!'' They started the song, getting ready to sing.

“(Y/N) ARE YOU WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND???” (y/n) stops the song. “I swear to god I will kill tommy. NO JACKASS, WE’RE NOT DATING!!” niki tries to stifle a laugh. “ARE YOU SURE????'' Tommy responds, still downstairs. (y/n) glares at the laughing niki. “Sorry sorry.” niki says, still laughing. “IM POSITIVE, NOW SHUT UP WE’RE TRYING TO DO SOMETHING!!'' Tommy responds immediately. “ARE YOU TWO HAVING SEX??” niki chokes on her own spit, while (y/n) blushes profusely. “OH THAT'S IT, COME HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH!!” (y/n) says, jumping out of their chair, running downstairs to attack the child. Niki leaves as well, wanting to see (y/n) beat up a child.

She comes down the stairs to see (y/n) putting Tommy in a choke hold while techno cheered them on. Niki stands next to techno.

"Apologize! I'll take your Cds if you don't!!!" "No no not my disks!!"

Niki turns towards techno. "Does this regularly happen?" Techno nodded as a response. Niki turned back, seeing Tommy try to bite (y/n). "OH STOP IT RACOON CHILD!!" philza soon comes In and breaks them apart. "Awwe my free entertainment.'' Techno says. "Oh calm down. Tommy, please stop annoying your sibling. This is why you get choked.” Tommy pouts. “Okay phil.” philza glares at the young child. “Also, (y/n), next time, just punch him in the throat. You've learned from techno.” “HEY!'' Tommy says, offended. (y/n) laughs, “okay, will do dadza. Oh, what time is it?” techno looked at his phone. “Its close to 9 pm.” (y/n) pouts, going over to niki and clinging onto her. “Noooo, it can't be her time to leave.” niki giggles, patting (y/n)’s head. “I have to leave. I'll come over soon, okay?” (y/n) nodds, letting go. 

They go upstairs together, grabbing nikkis stuff. They go back downstairs to the front door. (y/n) and niki hug each other. “Are you coming back tomorrow?” (y/n) asked, letting go. “Yeah, we did never got to actually practice the song! I'll be over at 4 pm, like always.” (y/n) nodds. “Okay, well, see you tomorrow?” niki nodded, leaning over and kissing (y/n) on the cheek, making them blush. “Yep! See ya, bye!” she says, opening the door and closing it, leaving (y/n) a mess.

“Yep…” they say to themself, smiling happily. “YES!!!! I TOLD YOU THEIR GIRLFRIENDS!! PUSSY DIDN'T EVEN KISS HER THEMSELF HAHA!!” (y/n) turned around, running towards tommy. “COME BACK HERE AND SAY IT TO MY FACE YOU LITTLE BITCH!”

#niki nihachu x reader #niki nihachu #niki nihachu x you #niki nihachu x y/n #nihachu x reader #nihachu #mcyt x reader #school au #dreamsmp x reader

[moviewarfare]

A Review of “Mulan (2020)”

I am still waiting for that all Asian cast American movie that will be the "Black Panther" for the Asian community. So far the only proper all Asian cast American movie is Crazy Rich Asian and that was a rom-com about rich people which isn't what I am looking for. The Disney live-action remake of Mulan (1998) is a proper big-budget all Asian cast movie that aligns with what I am looking for. However, Disney live-action remakes have been mostly a miss apart from "The Jungle Book" and "Cinderella". Mulan (2020) is directed by Niki Caro who won lots of awards for her movie Whale Rider(2002) but it does make me wonder if they couldn't have just hired an Asian director but whatever.  The trailers though seem to suggest that this remake was actually attempting to do things differently from the original which intrigued my interest. Unfortunately, due to coronavirus, this movie got delayed and then shoved to streaming with a hefty price instead of going to cinemas. I actually avoided watching the original Mulan recently just to make myself go into this movie with a more open mind and to have a sort of first time watching experience again. Therefore, I am going to avoid comparison with the original in this review. So after watching this, did the movie live up to the expectations? Note: unlike my previous reviews there is going to be a fair amount of minor spoilers here so be warned.

Firstly, visually the movie is quite beautiful. There are some gorgeous shots in this movie such as the martial art practice by the lake, Mulan running on the rooftops and even the war itself was quite visually pleasing. The cinematography isn't "Roger Deakins" level of stunning but it is definitely really good looking. This is also elevated by the really good set design and costumes. The set design allows for great scenery and the costumes feel authentic. These really help pull the audience into the movie and the era that Mulan is set in.

Secondly, the score by Harry Gregson-Williams who has done the score for movies like Shrek and The Martian does a pretty good job here as well with Mulan. They use a lot of wind instruments that are heard from a lot of Chinese movies and pretty much use them here. The score generally works and it really helps create the atmosphere for each scene really well. Also, the orchestral cover of Reflection from the original Mulan is used in this movie and is just really awesome,

Now my gripes with this movie. Firstly, is the lack of emphasis on emotional moments. It feels like the movie brushes over a lot of what I would consider quite important. The scene where Mulan makes the decision to go to war is one of the important decision she makes. However, the movie just has her pick up a sword and then the next scene she is in armor and off to war. We don't get any emphasis on how important this decision was and the sacrifices she had to make until halfway through the movie for some reason. This happens a couple of times as well such as when there is a destroyed town which shows the horror of war but they only spend a couple of seconds here with minimal reaction from the characters and it's then just off to the next scene. Another being a character dying and it's just whatever. The movie feels really lacking in a lot of humanity but there are a couple of banter moments between Mulan and "friends" that have some fun in it.

On that note of characters, the supporting characters are rather bland. Honghui (Yoson An) acts as a love interest, rival and ally for Mulan which is all there is about him.  Commander Tung (Donnie Yen) sort of mentors Mulan and knew Mulan's dad but that's really it. The Emperor (Jet-li) is a badass and wise emperor who barely appears in the movie. Bori Khan (Jason Scott Lee) who is the main villain also barely appears in the movie despite being the bad guy who started the war. The Witch (Gong Li) who is probably the worst character in this entire movie is like Mulan but bad. These are all the relevant supporting characters but there are others who are so forgettable I don't remember if they even had names.

The character arc which is part of the story is not great either. Mulan's decision to finally be true to herself and not hide that she is a woman just sort of happens because she got beaten up. Instead of it happening in a dramatic way it just feels rather random. Also, Mulan is special because she got lots of chi which ruins the message of the movie. Instead of feeling like she earned her place in the army and gaining the recognition of her comrades through her efforts it instead feels like she only got it because she is the chosen one. So the message is now "be true to yourself only if you're the special one". The Witch also goes through a character arc as well but it is extremely rushed and dumb. She makes choices that don't even make any sense such as divulging the main villain plans or sparing Mulan constantly or the really dumb choice at the end of the movie. Her addition to Mulan is pointless and if anything took away all the screentime from the main villain instead.

The action scenes are also mediocre which is such a shame. Asian movies have always nail action scenes with their amazing choreography but in Mulan it is BORING. The trailers made it seem like it might be in the veins of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" withs it floaty yet elegant style of fighting. However, it instead really plain and overly edited with many cuts.

On that note of edits, there are some weird edits in this movie that make it feel like there were important scenes that were cut. Minor spoilers but there is a scene where Mulan is riding a horse towards the enemies army in an open field but then the next scene suddenly has her behind the enemy hiding behind a rock with no explanation whatsoever. There is also a scene where after Mulan has decided to be true to herself in which she saves an ally but makes a choice to disappear into the fog. The next scene is then showing her dramatically coming back to her allies seconds later. It is so weird and took me out of the movie for sure.

I also have to talk about our main lead actress Liu Yifei who plays Mulan. She sucks. She plays Mulan with no charm or charisma or even a personality. The tone in her voice is always the same and the only real change in her voice is when she is pretending to be a male with a deep voice. She also makes no expression whatsoever, it always feels like she has the same neutral expression in every moment even when someone died its the same expression. At least Donnie Yen and Jet Li are good in their roles though.

Overall, the movie is not the all Asian cast American movie I am waiting for. It is just another inferior remake from Disney. It has none of the fun that was in the original so the movie just ends up being boring. There are some things you can enjoy in the movie with some pretty good moments sprinkled in there. Additionally, it is still pretty much a retelling of the original Mulan so the overall story is still there. It just isn't as good it could have been. Such a shame...

#movies #movie #Movie Reviews #disney #mulan #donnie yen #ip man #marvel #film

[castlesinchaos]

I thought about making a separate tumblr for my current minecraft/dream smp hyperfixation, but then I remembered that I have shamelessly pumped superwholock/X-men/literally-any-obsession-I’ve-ever-had-regardless-of-time-spent-obsessing onto this blog since fuckin 2013 and the only thing that makes this one different is the fact that I’m not letting myself enjoy it unapologetically. :-/

Edit: I was going to leave it at that but I think I’m going to elaborate actually.

The biggest difference between the mcyt community, and all of the other fandoms/communities I’ve been a part of for so long is how old the communities themselves are, as well as the average age of the people in those fandoms. And in a lot of cases that’s what makes the dsmp/mcyt more toxic most of the time, especially (recently) for girls. Let me explain.

The minecraft YouTube community is obviously not a brand new thing. There’s creators like Grian, Mumbo Jumbo, even old server players like Tobuscus, hermit craft etc. But the thing about the Dream SMP community specifically, is that DSMP only got popular in the last year or so. Specifically, over quarantine the server grew exponentially, as did its fan base. This fan base, tends to be younger people (I’m talkin 14 and under), and is predominantly male for the majority of the content creators (especially for the “largest” creators on the server (ie, Dream, Tommy etc).

Now, I’m not saying this growth is bad. It absolutely is not, the creators have put in time and effort and care and it shows in the way they engage with their communities, in the way they put out for us, the way they have tried to create a safe space for their fans. But the problem with quick and exponential growth in a young fandom ESPECIALLY when that fandom consists of pretty young fans, is that a large part of that community is going to have little to no previous experience in a large fandom. (Now, this has much harsher consequences and can lead to a lot of risk for young fans who don’t necessarily realize the need the protect their identity/personal life from potential community predators, but that’s a post for another time), but the biggest consequence I see and experience from this sort of situation is fans not knowing/understanding what is acceptable in the fan space and the repercussions of their actions.

I’m talking specifically, in what tends to be male members of the community, the use of slurs or offensive language constantly, berating other fans who do x y or z (ie, people who only watch Dream for his speed runs/YouTube videos berating people who only watch him for DSMP/lore or Vice versa), more specific to the gaming community but male viewers not respecting or validating female content creators (don’t even get me started on the way Hannah, Niki and Puffy are treated and viewed by some fans), AND MOST IMPORTNATNTLY: toxicity surrounding how the fanbase engages or participates in the community. most of this happens inadvertently or without realization from the fans doing it.

This creates a VERY tense relationship both between female and male (and NB fans because there is a large portion of the NB community who watches mcyt/dsmp), and young and old fans. Women feel like they’re not welcome in the community, they are shamed for watching and participating in the communities, they are belittled and shamed for art/writing/any contribution to the fan base they make and at the end of the day it can be a VERY hostile place for female/NB fans.

Young fans don’t have a good example of how to act or respect (both content creators and fans) boundaries, they tend to be adverse to education on the things that they’re doing wrong, and often they will continue to behave as they do until someone they respect addresses their behavior. And the problem with a predominantly young fandom, is there isn’t a whole lot of older fans to do that correcting, and when there is young fans tend to have alienated them already and therefore don’t necessarily respect them.

I also want to address that I’m not saying this is only the case for the mcyt/dsmp community/fandom. I’m just saying the conditions that created the community (short timeframe, exponential growth, predominantly young and male audience) has contributed to current state of the community. Other fandoms also had periods like this, the main difference, and where it becomes more personal for me, is that these periods of growth and toxicity happened YEARS ago, and the community as well as the people who engage in it has “grown up” a bit, so to speak. When you look at shows like Doctor Who and Supernatural and Sherlock, those shows have all been going on for 10-15+ years and the fanbase has also grown with it, overall becoming a more welcoming place and a place where fan created content is appreciated by a lot of the fanbase. (It’s also important to note a key difference here between the physical consumption of mcyt/dsmp and traditional shows like DW/Sherlock/SPN, with the latter there’s a consistent hiatus that allowed for a huge influx of fan created content like art/writing/theories. A lot of the fan base came to rely on this content to fill the time until the “canon” returned. and in doing so that put a higher appreciation on fan content and creators (which tended to be predominantly female ((something that is also common for the dsmp community)), which overall contributed to the destigmatization and toxicity surrounding fan content.)

At the end of the day I’m not saying mcyt communities or the Dream SMP community is all bad, or even irrepairable. I am saying that as a female and LGBTQIA fan, I have inadvertently internalized some of the ultra toxic sentiment surrounding participation in things like fan art, fan theories, and general fan engagement, and I want to be comfortable sharing these things that interest me and keep me engaged in the community on my blog that I’ve had for 8 years with the same shameless enjoyment that I’ve lent to other fandoms, and I think we can get to that point, it’s just gunna take some self realization from the community. Thank you for coming to my ted talk :)

#tiny talks #whoops that was a long one #dream smp #dreamsmp #dsmp #dreamwastaken #dreamnotfound #tommyinnit #tubbo #technoblade #philza #sapnap #georgenotfound #hannaxxrose #nihachu #wilbur soot #awesamdude #ranboo #quackity #karlnapity #karl jacobs #skephalo #badboyhalo #captain puffy #mcyt #sleepy bois inc #sbi #doctorwho #doctor who #supernautral

[helpicant-stop]

Tommy, exile arc? Please?

Okay. {:

[before you continue on - please reblog instead of liking ! it boosts the piece and likes kinda do jack shit on tumblr lol ]

tommyinnit's exile arc follows 1930s fashion for two reasons :

in my mind , new lmanberg's fashion is late 1910s-1920s since the roaring 20s often symbolises liberation and freedom [ also jazz pog ] . the flip side is the 40s , which is pogtopia's style , and is literally wwii era . the 30s was the great depression , and 1934 specifically was when the hays code - a censorship code on content - was released . see what i'm getting at ? ?

1930s fashion looks really classy and i thought it would be cool to turn that on its head

some notes / headcanons i made while drawing :

i made sure tommy was made of purely circles and triangles , since squares usually symbolise stability and security , and exile!tommy absolutely is not that

tommy used to roll up his pants for practicality , but eventually just ripped them off

i used clothing from multiple different years in the decade to show that he was starting to care less about cohesiveness and appearances . it's a really small detail and probably barely noticeable but i liked it at the time lol

considering how his hair got drastically longer during exile , he was never motivated enough to style it , so he kinda just put a headscarf on and called it a day .

fun concept : antarctic empire era tommy began putting his hair in little ponytails and buns , and started braiding actual nice-looking pleats during his atrociously brief healing arc . he learnt how to do it from niki during the classic l'manberg era {:

near the beginning, he used to shield his face with his sleeve during explosions , but eventually started doing it less and less . D:

going back to the coat thing , 30s coats were made with the " superman " silhouette , with large shoulders and tapered legs . the coat is like ten sizes too big , so instead it has the opposite effect and makes him look less sturdy if that makes sense lol

tommy is drawn in pogtopia!wilbur's coat a lot , so i drew one from 1939-40 , which happens to look big and bulky and makes it super moody .

i usually give my drawings a lot of contrast , but for tommy i gave him a bunch of neutral colours that like blend together into one mildly disgusting hue just to make him look more d u l l y'know

smiley face pupils to symbolise dream

bitches be ignoring that tommy canonically has a scar on his skin so i drew it . it's from the first l'manberg war , and the weird patch on his neck is from the dream duel that never fully healed [ physically . and yk what probably emotionally too ]

he used to keep things in his pockets , but dream kept on taking them , so eventually he just stopped

the little rectangles at the waistline used to hold a belt . it got lost one day , though , and he never bothered to find it

l'manberg patch on the coat 👁

your tubbo compass 👁👁

clothing notes :

the coat is from late 1939

the shirt is loosely modelled after a 1933 fashion plate of children's jersey shirts

the pants are loosely based off of boys' wear from the era , specifically from 1934-35

the shoes are 1937 children's shoes , but the colour is based off tommy's minecraft skin and probably isn't very accurate .

i looked at a bunch of women's magazine covers where they wore headscarves , but my main reference point was from a september 1930 issue .

his socks are actually just bleached 1925 spatter dashers . they're made of wool and are super warm , so even when he lost one of his shoes , he rarely got cold . his upper body [ especially his head ] is a different matter . fun fact : bandanas aren't exactly the warmest material , even if your hair is absurdly fluffy . mans fucking freezing out there

Don't repost, steal or edit any of my art!!

#tommyinnit #exile arc #dream smp #dream smp fanart #fanart #art #asks!! #stella °o° #blood tw #scars tw #i think ? ? #smiley face tw #idk if karissa is on tumblr or if that even counts but she mentioned it so #all my art thingx #the period drama ish au

[tack-tick]

Technoblade Sometimes Dies

Second and final chapter of my fic. First chapter is here- https://tack-tick.tumblr.com/post/644771793511579648/technoblade-sometimes-dies

Thanks to everyone who read the last part! Honestly wasn’t expecting that many! You have any questions feel free to ask! Have a nice day!

ao3 link- https://archiveofourown.org/works/29849562/chapters/75614876#workskin

It had been three days.

Three days of Philza staying in the van they hadn’t even finished rebuilding yet. He had already moved a mattress into the room for him to stay. He refused to leave until Techno respawned.

He didn’t want him to wake up alone. He could start making things up for him by staying here. It was the least he could do.

Philza sighed as he looked at the set of papers in his lap. One set was five pages long and filled with convoluted details about the surrender. Dream was making sure that there were no loopholes, that was for sure. Philza had already tried to read through it but he was more worried about the other papers.

All it had on it was “Dear Tommy and Wilbur”. That was as far as Philza had gotten on this one and the five others that had been crumpled into balls and tossed over his shoulder.

How was he going to explain this to them? Despite how much they bickered at home, he had seen time and time again that his sons were always loyal to each other. Hell, Tommy would probably rush over here just to confirm it in person. That “The Blade” had actually been beat. If Tommy came then Wilbur would come. Philza didn’t want them to come to this dangerous mess of a server.

He didn’t want to be the cause of his kids getting hurt again.

Philza put the papers aside and nibbled on one of the muffins Bad had made. He had insisted that Philza take a nap along with them, but Philza couldn’t afford to sleep now. He gave a quick glance around the room.

Techno’s old red cape and crown were laying on a table beside the bed, some of the few personal possessions that had been salvaged from L’Manberg. There was also Techno’s favorite book,The Art of War, that Philza had managed to find a copy of. It wouldn’t have all the notes that Techno’s personal copy had but that had been lost in the explosion. He had started a small fire and curtains had been hung up so that the sun wouldn’t be as bright through the holes in the wall.

The only thing missing was Techno in the bed, either asleep or reading the book.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” Philza said as he reached for his sword. He held it at the door.

“It’s just me, Phil!”

Philza sighed in relief as he lowered the sword. It was just Tubbo, the kid who stayed with Niki. He was carrying a basket and Philza could smell the scent of fresh bread. “Niki wanted to come but the bakery is swamped,” Tubbo said apologetically.

“Tell her not to worry about it mate,” Philza said as he placed the basket down beside him. Tubbo quickly glanced at the bed before he sat down on the floor beside Philza.

“I got a letter from Tommy,” he said with a frown. Philza furrowed his brow at that. Even though the two boys had only communicated with letters so far, Tommy had already told him that Tubbo would be his best friend. Honestly, Philza believed him and he was only slightly dreading the day the two would meet and most likely cause chaos together. They’d beat Wilbur and Schlatt by a mile. So, it was odd that Tubbo didn’t seem happy about getting a letter. “He, well he asked about the duel.”

Ah, that was why. Tubbo didn’t know how to break the news either.

“Have you told him yet or...?” Tubbo said. Philza looked down at the paper and sighed.

“That’s what I’m working on mate,” he said as he stuffed the paper in the pocket of his robe. As much as he wanted to wear the L’Manberg jacket, he had almost overheated in the thing. The robes were more comfortable, he had to admit that. He looked down at Tubbo, who opened his mouth before snapping it shut.

“What is it?”

“Oh, well I don’t know if it’s the right time to ask,” Tubbo said as he averted his gaze from Philza.

“Ask away, I needed to talk to somebody anyways,”

“Do you know what it’s like?” Tubbo said, looking past Philza at the empty bed. “To respawn that is.”

“Well, I’ve been lucky enough to not experience it myself,” Philza said, the familiar lie slipping from his lips, “but from what the others have told me,”

He looked away from Tubbo and back at the bed. “It’s like you’re drowning in a black ocean and you have to swim back up,” he said solemnly, “but something keeps on yanking you down over and over again. You’re stuck there for what feels like ages, clawing your way back to life.”

“Well that...sucks,” Tubbo said with a shudder. “Thanks for keeping us out of the fighting,”

“No problem,” Philza said. It was true that he’d had to keep Niki and Tubbo out of the country until the war was over, even though they’d both asked if they could join. They were so young, too young to go through the pain of respawning. It was bad enough that Ranboo had gotten involved, the poor kid was still shaken up from The Final Control Room.

Tubbo stood up and stretched his arms. “Whelp, it’s getting late and I don’t want Niki to worry.”

“Yeah, you should get home,” Philza said as he looked up through the hole in the ceiling. He must’ve missed the sunset because he didn’t remember stars being there last time he looked up. “Stay safe, alright?”

Tubbo gave him a nod and walked towards the door before he turned around. Philza gave him a confused stare before Tubbo went back to him and wrapped him up in a hug.

“I may not know him that well, but based on what Tommy’s told me,” Tubbo said, “He doesn’t seem like the type of guy who gives up easily.”

Philza chuckled a little at that. “Thanks Tubbo but trust me, I know,” Tubbo separated from him and gave him a smile.

“He’s gonna come back, I just know it!” Tubbo said and with one last wave he left.

Philza looked back at the bed and yawned. Yeah, he knew Techno was coming back. He just had to wait a little longer.

Philza yawned again as he turned to look at the fire. He rested his chin in the palms of his hands as he looked at the blaze. He saw the world go slightly dark as he opened his eyes back and forth.

“Can’t sleep yet,” he muttered to himself.

He hoped the blaze of the fire would keep him awake through another night. He yawned again.

+

Philza didn’t know when he fell asleep but he woke up to a rough voice.

“Hey, wake up Phil,” he groaned and slowly opened his eyes before he saw someone sitting on the bed. His eyes widened at the person in front of him.

“Techno?”

Even though he had darkness under his eyes and his hair was a tangled mess, it was definitely Techno. Philza could tell just from his eyes, the bright red was dimmer but they still had the same stubborn determination in them. That was good, Philza hoped it never went away.

“Techno, mate I-“ Philza tried to continue but he couldn’t think of what to say. He couldn’t stop staring at him. What in the world could he say? It was his fault Techno had died. It was his fault that Techno had to go through the pain of respawning, something he would never wish on anyone. Let alone one of his boys.

“Are you alright?” Techno said and Philza glanced back at him. Techno had his arms crossed but Philza could see through the tough act he was putting on. Techno kept on glancing around the room and he was clutching tightly at his red cloak.

“Techno, you don’t need to worry about me right now!” Philza said and he carefully reached towards him. He slowly pulled Techno into a hug and frowned when he felt Techno wince as he leaned into him. “Is it sore?”

“Not like it was in The Void,” Techno said with a shudder as Philza pulled him closer. Philza sighed and gave him a gentle pat on the back.

The two sat there in the moment, just appreciating the fact that they were both alive. That they were still sticking together, like they always had.

“Stop calling me soft, Chat,” Techno murmured under his breath. With that, the moment passed. Philza slowly let Tehchno go, being careful not to hurt his shoulder.

“Oh, Chat’s in a frenzy aren’t they?”

“Twitch, yes,” Techno said with a roll of his eyes, “I think they were even louder in The Void.”

“So, you’re saying the all mighty Chat got scared in there?” Philza said with a small chuckle.

Techno gave a quick laugh and then let out a hiss of pain.

“It hurts to laugh, Phil.”

The two became quiet at that. Techno glanced around the room again.

“Oh, been meaning to ask,” he said and nodded towards the thick set of surrender papers that had fallen off of Philza’s knee. Philza picked them up and handed them to Techno.

“Surrender papers, boring to read,” Philza said. All the legal jargon in it gave him a headache. Techno looked at them and smirked.

Then, he unceremoniously tossed them into the fire.

“What the fuck, Techno!” Philza said, trying to keep himself from yelling so as not to wake anyone up. He started to get up to try and maybe save them but Techno grabbed his arm and sat him back down.

“Relax Phil, I’ve taken care of it already,”

“What do you mean by that exactly!”

“What, you think I didn’t have any backup plans,” Techno said with a huff, “Honestly Phil, I’m almost insulted,”

“Techno, what the fuck did you do?” Philza said with a glare. He hadn’t thought Techno had been awake that long but apparently he had just gotten up and started cutting deals with people. Techno making deals was how he had ended up with one less life in the first place!

“I got our independence, that’s what!” Techno said with a triumphant grin.

Philza looked at him and blinked once, then twice.

“How did…?” He said with a shocked stutter, “You aren’t fucking with me, right?”

“I gave up Pigstep,” Techno said, “I made a deal with Dream that if I lost, I would give it up for independence.”

Philza could only gape at him. He knew how much Techno cared about that old thing. Him and Ranboo had fought with Dream over it again and again. Techno might as well be telling Dream that he lost by giving it up.

“Phil, why are you crying?” Techno said.

“Well, I’m partly overwhelmed mate but,” Philza wiped at his eyes as Techno awkwardly looked to the side, “I don’t understand why you’ve given up so much.”

“You gave up your home, your stuff, your life,” Philza stopped with a suck of his breath as he tried to calm himself down. He could feel more tears dripping down his cheeks. The big one was left unsaid but Philza still remembered.

He remembered when Techno had desperately dug through the rubble of his house. How he hadn’t stopped for hours until his hands went raw from the dust and cuts. How he kept shouting Carl’s name over and over again until his voice had gone out.

He’d come out of there with a bloody saddle in his hands and murder in his eyes.

“I don’t want you giving up so much only because of me,” Philza said as he looked at the many scars that Techno had acquired during this war. Scars that hadn’t been there before and wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for him.

“Phil, look at me,” Techno said and Philza obliged. “I promise you I wouldn’t have given up one of my lives for this if I didn’t genuinely believe in what you’re trying to do. Because if I trust anyone to make a government work,” He said with a calm smile, “It’s you.”

Philza let out a watery chuckle. “Jeez, that’s no pressure or anything,” Techno rolled his eyes at that. “But, thanks mate. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”

Philza suddenly had a slightly disturbing thought. “Techno, how long have you been up?”

“Oh, just an hour I think.”

Philza immediately shot up from his seat at that. He could feel his wings instinctually flap up and his blood pressure was probably rising again. “Bloody hell, Techno!”

“Relax Phil, I’m fine.”

“You’re supposed to rest Techno! So that you can heal properly!”

“Phil, come on!”

“I’m serious mate! Go the fuck to sleep!”

“I mean, I was thinking we should tell the others that I’m currently not dead.”

“I’ll do that tomorrow. You need your rest!”

“But Phil-“

“Technoblade Minecraft,” Philza said with his long-since perfected dad glare. “You go the fuck to sleep right now or I will ground you.”

“You can’t ground The Blood God, Phil!”

Philza just raised an eyebrow at him. Technoblade sighed and carefully laid down, using his thick cape as a blanket. Philza fondly smiled down at him as he tucked the cape over him.

“Phil, Chat wants you to tell them good night,”

“Oh alright, good night Chat and good night Techno,” Philza said. He turned around and went to his mattress that he hadn’t even used yet over the past three days. It was time to use it too as he felt waves of exhaustion suddenly hit him. He laid down and closed his eyes to go to sleep when he heard it. He heard soft breathing from where Techno was.

He was already asleep. Good, Philza had known he would be out fast. He tucked the blanket over himself and closed his eyes to go to sleep. There was a lot to do tomorrow, after all.

Tomorrow, the others will see Techno again. Tomorrow, he’d write that letter to Wilbur and Tommy. Tomorrow, he’d officially invite Niki and Tubbo into L’Manberg. Tomorrow, they’d have the biggest celebration because they were finally free.

Yes, tomorrow was the start of a new beginning for L’Manberg.

#dream smp #technoblade #philza #Tubbo #fanfiction #And nothing else bad happened ever again #:) #I have so many ideas for this that are very hard to put into writing #But 4K words let’s freaking goooo #sbi swap #How does respawning work on the SMP? #who knows! #not beta read at all

[simpbur]

hello! i would like ur 40 song wiblur playlist

anon thank you so much for asking <333 while it would’ve been easier to just drop the link i have so many thoughts about everything so i explained why every single song has its spot on this list which was IMMENSELY fun for me

(also: if anyone does want the link i can provide both apple music and spotify but if u would like the apple music link i’d rather it be through dms or an ask off anon that i can make private!)

another also: i bolded all the songs for ease of perusing if you don’t want the director’s commentary and bolded + italicized the ones that i think fit Very Well

another another also: wrote the second bit of this on my laptop and the keyboard is p funky so if there are any typos or things that do not make sense i will try to fix them asap haha

saint bernard by lincoln: this is one of those like. Dream SMP Songs that i added because it fits into so many different relationships and plot lines and arcs but i think there’s some connection to c!wlbur somewhere out there. idk i asked my friend and he said to add it so this one goes out to him

amnesia was her name by lemon demon: ghostbur song ghostbur song! mostly comes from this lovely animatic

o valencia! by the decemberists: okay this is one of those songs that only really has one lyric that fits but is an absolutely banger so it’s here anyway. you’ll also notice a trend of quasi love songs that i relate to c!wilbur’s perception of l’manburg and i think this song shows this in a really cool way, esp with the chorus (‘and i swear to the stars i’ll burn this whole city down’ is The Line)

achilles come down by gang of youths: another one of those Dream SMP Songs. i think this fits better with c!tommy but i like it too much to remove it. this is a somewhat common trend with the earlier songs on this playlist (i’ve been building this thing since january, for reference)

brave as a noun by ajj: another Dream SMP Song. i think certain verses fit better than others when it comes to wilbur’s character but that ones that work really work

harness your hopes by pavement: a song that is one here for vibes alone. i have no idea what these lyrics mean. all i know is that i heard it, thought of c!wilbur, and put it on the playlist. thank you all for being here

evelyn evelyn by evelyn evelyn: sad-ist made this a tommy and tubbo song (as she should) so it’s validity on this playlist is questionable but folks used to compare it to wilbur and tommy’s relationship during the pogtopia arc and i think some points were made there

the execution of all things by rilo kiley: i’m so excited to get here because this was the first song i put on the playlist that i think really works and i thumb nailed an animatic for the last verse and november 16th so! i think it’s a good l’manburg song and the last verse has some good ghostbur lines (‘and lately you’re all alone with nothing left but sleep/but sleep never comes to you, it’s the guilt and forever wakefulness of the weak’)

i’m just your problem from adventure time: this ones a bit tricky since at is my favorite show of all time and i cannot detach this song from its in-show context very well but there is a very cool animatic with this song that landed it a spot on the playlist

man burning by josh ritter: almost became an animatic but the audio i wanted to use (which i recorded at a josh ritter concert and it’s just him and his guitar and there’s echo and it’s very haunting and pretty) has my stepbrother singing in the background and i could not edit it out so. that will probably not happen. but anyways the only hole i would pick in this song is that it’s mostly about self sabotage which isn’t really applicable but i think the imagery is cool

mamma mia by abba: here me out. here me out. this is another song that fits so well and i have spent so many hours thinking about this and somewhere there is a note on my phone explaining how every single line relates to c!wilbur’s entire arc from founding l’manburg to the resurrection (made when we thought gbur was going to get resurrected in january) and just. the metaphorical ‘you’ is l’manburg does this make any sense (another almost animatic except now that wilbur’s actually back it might become an actual animatic)

the other side of paradise by glass animals: no idea why this is here other than being a Dream SMP Song. it’s good tho

infinitesimal by mother mother: they saaaaay it stared with a big bang but they saaaaaaaay it came out of a small thing latelyyyyy i’ve been feeling like a big bang You Know

curses by the crane wives: had a thing drawn out for this song showing the comparisons between c!wilbur and c!niki because of the chorus and i think the last two lyrics of said chorus are the best thing about this one

lonely eyes by the front bottoms: gotta admit that i have no idea how this song got on here but i’ve come to associate it with ghostbur based on vibes alone. it’s a friendly song he’s a friendly ghost it works. the other tfb song coming up fits a bit better methinks

king of new orleans by better than ezra: not to put better than ezra on my c!wilbur playlist but like. something about the whole ‘tasing something up to let it fall’ motif makes me think

get me away from here, i’m dying by belle and sebastian: another almost animatic song (there’s a trend here). not only does the story told in this song work i like the lines ‘play me a song to set me free/nobody writes them like they used to so it may as well be me’ in relation to my l’manburg

montgomery forever by the front bottoms: certain bits and pieces of this song fit so well, specifically the chorus and those bits in the last two choruses Yeah (’montgomery forever and ever and ever and now they’re blowing it up/(x2)/as you started laughing and crying and trying to explain how all you want to do is leave’)

don’t look back in anger by oasis: out of all my almost animatic songs, this one got the furthest. the animatic, which I got pretty far in thumbnailing, was about wilbur and tommy and kind of drawing comparisons between their characters, also about the revolution in general. maybe i’ll finish that animatic one day idk 

snow by ricky montgomery: i wish i had a link for this so bad but!! saw art on twitter!! with the lyric ‘bury me six feet in snow’!! and went ahfsdjfk!!

burning pile by mother mother: a Dream SMP Song. also a jam there’s no real specific connection for this one but i think it could fit in a couple of ways

rounds by the oh hellos: in the same position as snow except it was on tumblr..... @ whoever made this comic i saw these lyrics in your brain is massive and your art is incredible

lovely by mt. eddy: on here for vibes alone. there’s something in the lyrical content too, but my thoughts in that regard are not very fleshed out

adventures in solitude by the new pornographers: ah yes..... the song that prompted this all...... this is a beautiful and incredibly well written song and if you’re going to listen to any song off of this playlist i’d encourage you to listen to this one. it’s place of here is mostly cause of the chorus but the imagery in the verses could all represent a part of c!wilbur and i’d love to explore that more

caught in the middle by paramore: obligatory paramore song. i think it got on here because limbo = ‘middle’ but i’m not quite sure. on the verge of being deleted if i can find a better pmore song

delicate by damien rice: one of the oddest songs on this list and i am well aware that it sticks out like a sore thumb. a song that’s on here pretty much because of one lyric, which is ‘and why’d you sing hallelujah/if it means nothing to you’ which i related to both eret’s betrayal and how my l’manburg is hallelujah yknow

bang! by ajr: almost animatic song. i think we all know what the bang is here

somewhere only we know by lily allen: ik i said don’t look back in anger has the most potential to get made into an animatic but this song might actually take it place. on par with adventures in solitude in terms of how pretty of a song it is, and probably even moreso. it’s kind of turned into a ghostbur song in my head, and makes me cry like an infant child every time i hear it

a pearl by mitski: i cannot defend this song’s place on here past the line ‘it’s just that i fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended’

eight by sleeping at last: the official c!wilbur song needs a spot on here <3 if i can dig up the clip of cc!wilbur talking about this song in relation to his character i’ll add it but until then yeah <3

always by rilo kiley: no idea why this is on here but it fits well!! could not tell you why!! banger!!

celebration guns by stars: it’s a hauntingly beautiful song about war, and kind of one of those that necessarily isn’t about wilbur but moreso his place in the story? idk how to explain it but yes

passerine by the oh hellos: it’s. it’s from the . the fic. yeah h

oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the earth in place by bright eyes: added this after the real resurrection and i think it’s because fo the imagery? also the last verse

we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos!: all i have to say is ‘i cannot emphasize enough that my body/is a badly designed, poorly put together vessel/harboring these diminishing, so called vital organs/i hope my heart goes first, i hope my heart goes first!’ has always made me think of pogtopia era wilbur :(

dead weight by jack stauber: no real connection other than eret played this song during a break during the ghostbur’s january ‘resurrection’ and i heard it and went :0

point me at lost lands by tired pony: gives me season on l’manburg vibes..... i love how free and passionate it sounds and that's p much the only reason it’s on this list haha

ghosting by mother mother: added this five seconds ago because i could not BELIEVE it was not on here. ghostbur song. mans sang it on that one stream with the reverb and everything. the lyrics ‘i will be kind and i’ll be sweet/if you stop staring straight through me’ hit particularly hard back when everyone thought that ghostbur was actually wilbur in disguise 

#oh man. oh man #this was so fun ty anon #i'll do some spell checking after i write my english paper but for now take this #wooo boy #also if i interpreted canon wrong i do apologize i am here to have fun and think about fictional character #anon #ask

[uwua3]

Hi Bunnie! Your Misumi jealousy headcanon was so so amazing! Would it be okay to request the same hc but for Kazu, Tenma + Taichi? Ty and can't wait to see more from you! 🐰

oh my gosh! thank you so much!!! that makes me so happy to hear you enjoyed it; tbh i was a bit nervous due to the different take on misumi’s more thoughtful, erratic side so i’m glad it wasn’t too ooc! for you, i’d love to do a jealous hc for kazunari, tenma, and taichi! let’s GOOO !!!

summary: everyone gets their heart broken, and you were the cause of their broken hearts

warnings: anxiety, cheating, fake/toxic relationships, heartbreak, unrequited love

author’s note: i hope you enjoy it! thank you so much for your support ♡ this is definitely on the longer side for sure, i hope it’s worth the read!!!

i explored different types of jealousy for each person and how it would affect their daily lives! sometimes, the best thing to do is not act on your impulses. is it really worth losing a relationship with someone over? arguably, the only person with a “happy ending” would be taichi~ fair warning!

word count: 4,799 (total) — 2,078 (kazunari), 1,616 (tenma), 1,105 (taichi)

music: ghost heart – closure (kazunari), shouldn’t couldn’t wouldn’t – niki, rich brian (tenma), needs – verzache (taichi)

jealousy (pt.1)

🌻🎨 miyoshi kazunari

it was so hard to always thrive off the attention of others when it was exhausting keeping a smile up

sure, kazunari was a burden when he was excited with his nonstop, loud rant about whatever he learned in his liberal arts university... but people seemed to like him even less when he was quiet and contemplative. he was the butt of the joke, so he had to fake it until he made it

he’d rather be the funny jokester of the group and be remembered as the tolerated clown than forgotten completely

kazunari wanted people to come to him, be his friend, and find him important in their life. kazunari wanted to be everyone’s favorite, the #1, the name you’d say when asked who your best friend was

but no one liked him like that. no one looked to him first when a joke was made to check if he was laughing, everyone assumed he was. but it was so much energy to keep this happy go lucky act and it began taking away from his art

envy made up every cell of his being as he saw groups of supportive friends, students congratulated in front of the class, and just happiness in general. kazunari was always jealous, he wanted so much. he wanted someone to be his best friend

and then, you aced the role with no auditions needed. you made the cut, you entered his life as kazunari’s best friend

you made an effort to include him in group activities, responded to his over–the–top DMs with too many emojis, and even amused him with his spontaneous ideas like road trips to the next town over for the hell of it

it didn’t matter if he called you at the crack of dawn, you picked up before the last ring with just as much enthusiasm to go wherever to make lifelong memories

kazunari didn’t have to pretend like he was full of energy around you, because he was! you charged him up to his full battery and he wouldn’t stop moving until he had you to himself for a few hours

at first, it started out by staying a little bit longer after group project meetings, offering to get absolutely buzzed on overpriced hipster coffee he had to perfect as a barista, and exchanging obvious notes in class while getting in trouble for snickering way too loud

then it became seeing premieres of movies kazunari honestly didn’t care about, he just wanted to do the yawn trick without getting made fun of. he liked dramatically fighting over the popcorn with you before pretending to give up, knowing damn well at the end he’d let you have all his snacks. movies became any event possible: single mixers that were just them huddling in a corner planning to make the most memorable exit ever, mall trips that had inappropiate fashion shows in the dressing rooms before getting kicked out, even beach visits year–round and complaining when the temperatures were too extreme but still having the sickest bonfire

all these moments were posted on his private, more personal instagram where his feed would have your face in every row (he also posted the extremely candid shots of you, he was sneaky with his camerawork). everyone with a social media account knew you guys were platonic soulmates, people destined to meet each other and be by their side for every lifetime

it moved into territory like bringing you to his favorite secret hideouts. eventually, it came down to places he knew his other friends would trash and poke fun at. he began trusting you with his most prized places. his safe space that became yours as well

even his art studio rented out at the border of the urban city with a water–damaged wooden floor. you would drop by everytime he didn’t respond to your text within 10 minutes, with plenty of food because you knew kazunari gets into an obsessive state with completing a project in one sitting. he let you in without a second thought even though you had the spare key; now you were lounging upon a thrifted sofa staring at the sunset

golden hour was gorgeous on you, kazunari thought out of no where, shocking him to the core when he nearly dropped his paintbrush onto the plastic covers. get a hold of yourself man! whatever, he always hyped you up, it wasn’t a big deal. it was just usually, intentional

you didn’t seem to notice, scrolling through your phone as your shadow giggled at something on screen. kazunari felt sick (and it wasn’t the cheap takeout), he hated not being in on the joke and getting left out. jealousy brewed at the pit of his stomach as he faked a childish huff to get your attention. you didn’t look over, too busy sending a meme to someone

“whatchu laughing at?” kazunari asked curiously as he resumed painting, to which you fidgeted under his gaze. shrugging nonchalantly, you pocketed your phone that pinged with a notification. the vibration caused you to read the screen immediately without a second thought. huh...

“just some guy.” you offhandedly mentioned, opening some dating app kazunari could pinpoint. he didn’t know you even liked those types of meet–ups, he dropped his brush this time before fumbling to pick it up as cool as possible

pretending to pay attention to the painting, he lost focus as he glanced at your frame. you looked so relaxed, so casual, who were you so close to? you always told him about the few partners you had, this one threw him for a loop

“guy? don’t tell me my best friend is falling in love~!” kazunari quipped, feigning a pose of shock like it was the worst thing he’s ever heard. honestly, maybe it was, or he was a damn good actor and those hours of practice were working. maybe they were if his best friend couldn’t even see past his facade

you blushed at the implication, but didn’t deny it. you just muttered something about having privacy and rolling over to your side, continuing to text at an inhuman speed

kazunari frowned slightly, drawing his eyebrows together as he couldn’t help but steal glances at your backside. usually he got a joke, a confirmation he was basically your boyfriend, and they both hysterically laughed about it at the end of the day. not this time, apparently

this time, it was different. next time he saw you wasn’t sitting next to him in class, or beneath his arm hiding from the scary film on the projector, it was at the café you frequented to see him. except, you were with someone else. kazunari hadn’t seen you in so long, ever since you were caught messaging someone else

you ordered the same thing as always, you didn’t even have to ask before kazunari had it ready for you. but his whole personality was jittery, like he accidentally ate the entire stock of cacao beans raw. he stammered and his tone fell flat, contrasting his lively speech and flair for drama. he looked... overwhelmed

kazunari spilt your date’s drink last second, his chaotic mind barely controlling his limbs as he knocked over the order. as you tried helping him, every customer saw kazunari hide back in the shell he tried so hard to break. he simply shook his head and delivered his customer service monologue about being very sorry and the next one was on the house

there was at least in attempt in sounding cheerful, but coach would’ve definitely cursed him out for his terrible performance. he knew he was showing too much teeth right now and his eyes were too big to be genuine, but he couldn’t do anything else without his foot tapping repetitively

when you shot him concerned side–eyes from their usual table by the window, you looked different in the orange–hued sky. you were gorgeous in golden hour, kazunari bitterly thought as he wiped down the surfaces until he could see his teary eyes staring back with disgust. he was letting his guard down in front of everyone, how lame

he could hear your walls coming down, you becoming attached to the hip with that date of yours as you two became the only customers left. he heard it all, the flirting, the conversations that would definitely lead to you going back to their place with them. he excused himself to his indifferent manager before hiding in the employee stall, sliding his back down against the wall to sit down on the cold tile floor

kazunari found dates boring. all they led to was him getting his unfinished meal in styrofoam boxes and taking an uber to your place to spill what happened like it was a daily struggle. you laughed and laughed, never having stories of your own since kazunari lived through a lifetime of them for the tall tales

kazunari wanted to go back to that, when both of you were single and laughing together about how absolutely dumb committed relationships were. who else would they need besides each other? kazunari remembered asking, knowing all they could trust in was each other forever

but more importantly, maybe kazunari wanted to be more than your best friend. you were the one who cured his constant artist’s blocks with just words of affirmation, the heartfelt gestures making his serotonin levels skyrocket to oblivion before maxing out on the motivation to create anything that would make your efforts worth it

kazunari thought he just did his best with his friends by his side. but, was it normal for friends to feel like this? kazunari began imagining a painting of a figure, of someone that looked like you, except they were so far away and out of his reach. he wanted to jump through the frame and find you, manifest you for him only

no matter what he did, he couldn’t get the face to resemble anything like yours, like you weren’t his to claim creative rights over anymore

kazunari was jealous. jealous of how easily passerbys fell in love with the way you made anyone feel like they were the main character of their own story. kazunari felt stupid, like he was your comic relief sidekick who so desperately would do anything to be your final love interest

alone, kazunari laughed pitifully to himself as he picked his head up to hear your voice through the thin walls. whatever elaborate joke you were playing on him, it wasn’t funny in the slightest

he only wanted you to laugh with him, hell, he’d go make a fool of himself at any time even if meant you laughed at him

you weren’t one of his artworks, yet you were a masterpiece compared to any canvas he could have made in his entire career

kazunari wanted to paint you in all the colors possible, make you see how you were the rainbow after his rainy life

pushing himself up, kazunari stumbled out of the bathroom before shaking his head. it wasn’t worth it, he got what he wanted, didn’t he? you’re still his best friend, you just loved someone else, that’s all. all he ever wanted was a best friend, why wasn’t he satisfied with that?

when would he stop being jealous? (when would he be your #1 boy? he thought against his will)

taking a deep breath to compose himself, kazunari smiled and waved at the new couple. he saw the relief on your face before you resumed the discussion with the most animated expression he hadn’t seen in a long time. he couldn’t even recall when

everything would go back to normal before you became kazunari’s best friend. you would begin hanging out with the other person more, taking them to all kazunari’s best events. you would eventually stop answering his calls because it interfered with the other person’s schedule. you’d have plans outside of him, and kazunari would go back to being by himself. he’d keep going on dates and stay till the end this time, searching for his #1

(he would have to mute your account after seeing your posts with them, but he never told you that)

kazunari heard something other than you. he looked towards the window: it was raining again, again, and again. he opened his smartphone to take a picture:

kaz–PIKO [new post!]: i hope this rain ends soon!!!

it didn’t, at least, not for a very long time

🌻☀️ sumeragi tenma

tenma was what you would call, gifted. grew up with successful, charistmatic parents who watched his every move like a hawk, never giving him the time to improve from his mistakes

so every time he didn’t immediately get something, he’d give up and find other things to beat others at

the only thing he did that was acceptable to his father was acting, so he never looked back

tenma became a headliner of countless blockbuster movies and walked the red carpet as a fabricated actor with no authenticity

magazines labelled tenma as the playboy with on & off again relationships, although they were staged by his label to make him appear like some heartbreaker

truth was, he’s just like every other high school student who was really bad at focusing on academics (and had definitely not been in a real relationship)

but tenma was famous, fake friends came and went every time his popularity rose, hitting him up for favors. it was okay, he was famous, anyways. it’s not like he needed a bunch of no–bodies

at least, that’s what he told himself every time he sat with his parents at awards banquets with no one to share his success

(tenma was not jealous at all of stars with full rows of people of their friends who were always so loud and supportive)

(it wasn’t awkward going up on stage to receive a trophy with only polite clapping in the background)

you got cast as tenma’s next love interest

you were supposed to be a fake relationship that lasted longer than every other person he’s been with before

you were an up and coming actress full of potential and enthusiasm to boot, ready to take on in the industry like you were the biggest threat around

but it was clear, you loved acting

you loved playing different characters like they were an extension of yourself, paying close attention to other people’s habits so you could incorporate it in your own persona

it was strange—meeting someone who loved acting at its core and didn’t do it for the money. most people wanted their name in lights, drama with them in the middle, to have an adoring fanbase. who actually liked acting as an art form?

tenma was sure you were just hiding something, lying about your sweetheart public image to gain fans

you and tenma became public by having a public brunch date (tenma hated brunch, it was so pointless!) where photographers hid in bushes to take expensive pictures of tenma’s newest girl

tenma at first put on a facade, pretending to be the cocky star everyone made him out to be by flexing his muscles with a charming but practiced wink. why not, right? every girl loved that!

all of a sudden, you were gripping the tablecloth, dying laughing as you tried your best to stifle your outrageous response. tenma grew hot under the collar when it was clear you were very much a real, hard to hide your feelings type person off screen

immediately, he told you off in an aggressive manner but before he could apologize for being so suddenly boyish, you retorted back just as quickly. the friendly banter between you two sent sparks flying from the electric energy

those staged acts didn’t have any effect on you (unless he was in the mood for some serious jokes which he gladly fought back) so a genuine friendship formed

due to you both being competitive at heart, you guys were always caught in a friendly rivalry where you two shared real bonding moments together

your chemistry was off the charts (your managers were both very pleased with the outcome, oblivious to tenma’s defensive no ways!)

tenma’s favorite memory was ditching a panel interview without his parent’s permission to go blow his money on a popular chain arcade im the mall he could most definitely afford with his credit card. it was impulse but he texted you the address and miracously, you showed up on your own

both of you wore the worst disguises possible: snapbacks and funky graphic tee shirts as if you two were just regular students. tenma tried everything that even caught his eye, and you knew he wasn’t entirely happy with anything he got despite winning ten games already

clearly he wasn’t getting distracted enough, something must have happened on set

so you made a bet, whoever won the basketball hoops game would take all the tickets. you knew this would ignite the competitive flame within tenma

“you’re on!” tenma declared, shaking your hand with a firm grip and wolfish grin. that would be one of the last times tenma saw you as “one of the boys”

it was when you finally won against his bruised ego but chose a prize for him that tenma realized, he liked you for you. normally, he’d be showering his fake partner with stuffed animals before being ditched on the street corner, the plastered smiles gone and replaced with nasty annoyance

(he’d never admit it, but even the fake affection was nice while it lasted)

no one really liked him for him, he was just another famous teen actor with passable looks to be the side boyfriend

yet, you still got him something despite winning, giving him the plant and ignoring his surprised face

it wasn’t expensive, but it was the most meaningful gift he’s ever received

it was the first time tenma was given a present like that: a tiny bonsai tree

“maybe that’ll teach you some responsibility!” you joked, pushing him teasingly as he just stared at the little tree, feeling like something inside grew as well

he ignored it by challenging you to a DDR tournament (you won, again)

tenma began seeing the bonsai as a symbol of your friendship with him, and it felt good to finally have someone who would go out of their way to be his friend

(as a result, the bonsai was as healthy as ever)

but maybe, his macho–man act turned you off the wrong way and made him seem like a spoiled rich kid. you never could open up seriously about problems you had without laughing at tenma’s serious face, always messing up his bright orange hair and calling him a loser

tenma was tired of being a kid in your eyes, he wanted to be your manly boyfriend that wasn’t just a legacy actor

he was jealous every time you talked about your actual friends from home, who you shared everything with and made them out like they were the best people on the planet

it was silly, but did you think about him like that? did your friends even know you were with him?

tenma, for the first time, wanted a relationship that was more than just a publicity stunt. he wanted to be your boyfriend, more than just the faker

he wanted to meet your friends, then your family, and learn more about who you actually were. know what you were made up of, past the glamarous movie lifestyle he knew too well

tenma wanted to stop lying to the media because you deserved the truth

tenma wanted to recite his script about love but mean it, pretending like he was staring into your eyes and delivering the best performance of his life (if you ignore the fact he almost said your name)

but every time you guys went out, you acted like you were a babysitter and tenma was a child. you never could see him as a potential partner, just a rival who reacted like a brother would

but you read his behavior all wrong

(though honestly, tenma took every opportunity possible to have you close, because he knew you’d never be his again)

by the time the contract was up, tenma was too late. you were ruffling his hair and smiling like a sibling would, commenting on how fun it was to be with him and he could call you up anytime for tutoring. to you, he was just some high schooler who needed you to study with

but to tenma, he had caught feelings and there was nothing he could do about it

tenma would soon see the tragic news titles of how japan’s favorite it–couple split and you moved onto someone else

(someone much more serious and cool than he was, unfortunately)

tenma began booking roles in much more different films, ones with much more somber tones and melancholy scenes that fit his jealousy perfectly (he was often reviewed as having a “real connection” to his character, like he lived through the pain)

tenma noticed the way you were around the same age as your idol partner, how you actually held his hand while blushing for once. you even kissed them and hugged them in front of the cameras, which you refused to do with tenma, saying it would be weird to kiss a kid

tenma was jealous. jealous how he wasn’t as grown up as you wanted him to be. how he wasn’t mature and had a fiery temper and didn’t think things through. but his next partner was assigned and he had an outing with them soon

as soon as tenma met up with them, he flashed a picture perfect smile and heard the cameras flash behind him. they seemed to like that

his new partner didn’t question a thing as tenma addressed them by your name without noticing

that day, tenma came home to his bonsai dying, despite watering it properly

tenma gave up on you, despite the jealousy. if he wasn’t good at this dating game, there was no need to try anymore

he didn’t return back to that arcade for a while

🍁🛹 nanao taichi

the moment taichi saw you, he was convinced you were the one like every hopeless romantic out there

he was literally blown away. the wind picked up stronger when he saw you and he swore he saw red hearts around you

pretending to skateboard like he was just passing by, he bumped into you on veludo way and pretended like he had no idea where he was going

“sorry! i’m a bit lost... could you help me?” taichi paired it with his puppy eyes and tragic pout, unaware he was a bunny face to face with a wolf in sheep’s clothing

but you recognized him, the famous actor from mankai’s autumn troupe

yet, you pretended to follow his plan, knowing how quickly mankai was regaining its popularity status in theatre

(hey, maybe you’d even get free stuff if you played your cards right)

then began your relationship with taichi, where he was head over skates for you and did everything in his power to make you stay

taichi rearranged his schedule for you, staying up countless hours into the next day just to text you and have every possible moment with you

taichi always reserved you front row seats for every mankai production, sometimes even bringing you backstages despite the warnings from his other members

(they never really liked you, especially not the way you had so much control over taichi)

“taichi... you look tired. are you okay?” omi asked one day, when taichi had been on his phone the entire meal and anxiously fidgeted for a reply

(you sometimes did that just to mess with him a little, by leaving his multiple messages on read) (he hated it)

“me? i’m doing the best i could be!” taichi exclaimed, sneaking a glance at his screen to still see it dark

when omi carefully nodded and turned around, taichi’s posture slouched and the insomnia he was developing just to talk began catching up to his performance

taichi did everything a perfect boyfriend did in plays: wrote you love letters (you never read them), created thoughtful playlists that flowed well (you never listened), even learning new fun talents just to impress you (you never paid attention)

it was never enough to make you see him as more than a key to the theatre industry

to you, taichi was nothing more than a loyal puppy on a leash

taichi didn’t realize how tight his collar was until he was confronted by his troupe members, all who were as serious as it got with them

“what’s up?” taichi offered, faking a grin and suppressing the yawn building in his throat. the bags under his eyes were dark, and his blue eyes were dull. he hadn’t slept in so long. he was low on money for buying too many things. he couldn’t remember the last time he finished a meal

omi exchanged looks with the others, knowing he had to be the one to deliver the news because well, maybe he’d soften the blow a bit better

it must be bad if even juza and banri are not fighting, taichi mused, not really listening until he heard:

“—they’re cheating on you, taichi.”

taichi’s head snapped up, his body becoming rigid from the accusation. his sight landed on a digital image on banri’s phone screen, where you were clearly all over another person

(taichi remebered them, they were your lockscreen. he never questioned it)

(even if he was always jealous of how you hung out with every other friend much more than him, you own boyfriend!)

there was nothing to justify. banri explained how he and juza came upon them at the mall, and he was sorry

(it wasn’t banri’s fault, but he apologized because he was genuinely sorry for all taichi went through)

it’s not like he could say anything, the photo was clear as day! but taichi’s fists were tight by his side and he stood up defiantly

“that’s not true! maybe, that’s just their friend! or family member! i trust them, stop making baseless claims against them!” taichi knew he was making a scene, but it gave him a window to storm out of the front door and run down the sidewalk

“taichi!” he heard, but no one dared followed him. maybe he needed to face it by himself and open his eyes

they’d be back waiting for him at the end of the day when he finally realized he didn’t deserve to be in a toxic situation like this

(taichi did so much to become even better, just so you would like him more... it never worked)

taichi stopped at the park, panting deeply and leaning forward to catch his breath

this couldn’t be possible! he was the perfect boyfriend, right? he did everything for you... what wasn’t enough? when would he be enough?

but the proof was right there. taichi could see you with the same person in the image right in front of him

that’s when it hit. you knew taichi had acting practice right now, he wouldn’t know any better

all the pent–up anger within him exploded, his desperation masking a much more weak, unstable truth: fear of abandonment and the unrequited jealousy of the other person, no matter how much he hated to admit it

taichi was jealous. jealous of how you liked everyone else so much better than him, taichi wanted to be better, for you

but you were gonna leave him, toss him aside like your time together was nothing, like he was nothing

you never loved him, you liked the attention

taichi finally saw the signs, the red flags you were manipulative and knew he was easy enough to twist and break. he opened his eyes and you hadn’t even noticed him

but then, he tried to tell himself maybe he actually liked that, but it sounded hollow and fake even to him

taichi had to say no now

taichi was hurt, but he couldn’t show that to you anymore. you didn’t deserve the privilege having a say in his feelings anymore

walking by and pretending to bump into you, your face didn’t change as you saw him, simply raising an eyebrow in question

“just leave me for somebody else,” taichi humorlessly laughed, staring at the way you felt nothing for him

you stepped onto his heart and broke it, there was nothing else to say. even then, he wish he was the person you loved, even if it killed him

“enjoy yourself.” taichi finished, knowing these would be the last words he would ever say to you before returning back to the dorms

he didn’t look back, not anymore

#miyoshi kazunari #kazunari miyoshi #sumeragi tenma #tenma sumeragi #nanao taichi #taichi nanao #a3! act! addict! actors! #a3! #act! addict! actors! #a3! actor training game #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #mankai a3! #mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #kazunari x reader #tenma x reader #taichi x reader #a3! kazunari #a3 kazunari #a3! tenma #a3 tenma #a3! taichi #a3 taichi

[elamikaaa]

Plot Twist

Now, I haven’t had any professional vocal lessons at all for the eighteen years I have lived, but since I started singing at the tender age of four, I think it’s safe to say that I’m somewhat a singer. I lack a lot in technique, sure, but I think I sound somewhat decent, at least. 

 As a singer, it is best that you really pour out the emotions that the song is trying to convey. It is as if you are the messenger trying to communicate an intricately crafted message to whoever is listening to you. Every word in every verse, hook, chorus or bridge, every single chord progression, every single note, pause, the speeding up and the slowing pace of the beat, the transpositions... every single component of a song was carefully put in there to construct an overall message that you as a singer have to relay. So, it is very important that you really mean what you sing for you to do so. Knowing whatever the song is trying to express alone simply is not enough for a singer to capture the essence of a song. The moment you are unable to feel, the more you’ll deviate from whatever the song is trying to convey. This, in my honest opinion, is what makes someone fail as a singer, or as an artist in general. After all, all modes of art are forms of expression. 

 One of my favourite artists, NIKI, released her first album, Moonchild, 3 days ago. Me being the fan that I am, I checked it out on SoundCloud as soon as I could. I listened for every single track in order (except for the songs that she already released prior, such as Switchblade, Selene and Lose). I have not finished listening to the whole album yet — I haven’t listened to Drive On — because there’s this one song in the album that really caught my attention: Plot Twist. 

 Plot Twist really encapsulates the unexpected blossoming of a newfound love. The moment I hit play on SoundCloud, my eardrums were smacked lovingly with what sounded like utopia in its melodic form. Maybe it is because of my current predicament, but this song, from the lyrics to the dreamy instrumentals, perfectly epitomised how someone can either enter as, or develop into, a pleasant surprise in another’s life. Honestly, this song really hit home. As soon as I listened to it, I thought of one person and I can think of only them whenever this song comes to mind. 

 I could go on a whole analysis and a breakdown of key parts of the song but honestly, the lyrics are self-explanatory. There is really nothing for me to elaborate on. All I really can say is that it is the first verse that makes me think of him the most. when I was really contemplating ‘closing the book’, there he was, ‘in every nook’, making me want to continue reading to see if the ending will be different this time around. I had just gone through the biggest heartbreak I had experienced with my best-friend who I had a crush on for two years, and he was among the many who supported me through it all. Little did I know that he’d be my next heartbreak... oh well.  

 Not every single part of the song is representative of what once was between us, if I can even call it that, anyway. It was not 'always gonna be [him] and I’, nor did I really think that something was ever really going to come into fruition. He felt like a ‘brand new arc’ but not exactly one that I ‘never knew’ the outcome of. He was definitely different, but in a way, he’s similar because he, like the others, was also a very good friend who never got to fully reciprocate my feelings (I know, looks like I have a preference for best-friends, huh). To add onto that, he ended up moving on very quickly with someone else after many months of us developing a relationship together — not necessarily a romantic one, but just a strong bond. It is okay that he did not reciprocate. That is not what I have an issue with. It is how he moved on to her straight away, but I will not go into detail about that here. That has been the topic of every single other piece I have ever written, so I think I have harped about that enough.

Anyway, it was very painful, and although I am grateful for the lessons my experience with him has taught and revisited, I am not exactly thankful for ‘plot twists’ like him. Despite the euphoria he made me feel, which the song captured, I feel more regret about him than anything, really. 

 I love singing NIKI’s songs; more specifically, her more melancholic songs: Lose, Around, and my all-time favourite, La La Lost You. I feel more of a connection to these songs because, well, they are all about heartbreak. One perk of being extremely sensitive is that I can sing these sad love songs just fine simply because I can really feel it all. I can feel the resignation in the ending of Lose when she sings, “I don’t need a reason to keep on dreaming, that I can win this stupid thing called love.” In Around, when she sings, “I miss you though you’re cold,” I immediately think of the day he ignored my messages and started talking to me in an uncharacteristically stern manner. Though I was anxious, I still missed him very much and wanted to talk to him even if every single inch of my body screamed at me that he did not want me around anymore. La La Lost You, from how I am perceiving it, shows a person’s divergence from someone they loved dearly. “Hope New York holds you, hope it holds you like I do” in the second verse of the chorus is the line that made me cry the hardest when I first listened to it, because it very much resembled how much I love him and how much I’ll always love him despite how terrible our ending was. Even after everything, even if it were justified for me to be petty and upset, I could not; I can only wish the best for him. I really meant it when I concluded my final texts to him at the time with, ‘Hope you’re doing well’ and ‘Wish you all the best’, or something along the lines of those — I don’t have the best memory so I can’t give an exact recall, but you get the gist. In saying this, I hope whoever is reading this knows the distinction between having love for someone and being in love with someone. I am not in love with him anymore, just to clarify. However, he still does have a spot in my heart, and I will forever wish him all the best. I will be here for him, should he need me and if I am able to be there for him. He called me a couple of months ago and talked so we are in better terms now. Not as close as we once were (I think that is the best measure to take, to be honest), but better terms, nonetheless. I must admit, there are some things I still want to ask and get clarity for, but I do not think I’ll get the chance anytime soon, so I’ll leave it be. 

Point is, only NIKI’s melancholic melodies have hit me to the point where I can execute their messages adequately enough when I sing. To add to that, I just love singing her songs in general anyways, they are quite close to my vocal range. 

 Listening to Plot Twist, however, struck a different chord in me. As much as I love the song, and as much as I relate to many parts of it, I do not think I can ever sing this song. In the grand scheme of things, that is okay. There are many more tunes of solemnity that I can sing instead. But Plot Twist was very bittersweet. Probably the most bittersweet song I have ever listened to. I know it is only bittersweet because of what I associate the song with, but still… damn. NIKI really got me good with this one. 

 Sometimes I cannot help but wonder if I would be able to really relate to this song in another life. Not in the bittersweet way that I do right now, but in a way that I am only reminded of a serendipitous encounter. Should I love again in this life (I know I sound naïve but really, please get love away from me thank you) then this song is for them since now, I really am ‘closing the book’. But should anyone draw my attention enough to make me ‘stay and wait’ and give me the happy ending I have never had, then I can finally say that I can feel this song in its entirety. Only then can I sing this song and narrate its beautiful story. 

  In this life, however, I will just have to stick to humming along to the lyrics on SoundCloud behind closed doors. 

[beagleshep]

House and step mom drama update

Monday she came and I left so she could get all her things. Although she was two hours late she got everything within three hours and left. She was apparently very nice and respectful the whole time- until she made it to her storage unit and her mom was waiting for her to go through and note what she missed and DEMAND she gets it back. Small, useless things. An olive oil jar that we tried to pack but it leaked everywhere. That we agreed could stay here for that reason. Our shower curtain. Our patio furniture. And apparently all day yesterday she was just listing things she DEMANDED she get today. And dad Did Not Like That At All.

Today he’s contacting his lawyer to get a no trespass against her since she did her walk through on Monday and said she got everything of hers from the house. He’s saying he’s afraid she’s going to come over and smash his 50k cars (he has two and they’re his absolute babies). I’m afraid she’s going to come over and let out my pets. A no trespass would be nice. But she’s set to come over today and get a couple things from the back yard that they both agreed on. The olive oil bottle and a stupid looking elephant table. And he said that if she steps foot in the house to record her. And that if she starts to argue with me to audio record her. So if she steps in the house I’ll be recording her until she leaves. The patio furniture got moved last night so it’s not on the property. I don’t know where he took her art desk but that’s gone too. He can play really, really dirty if she wants to go this route and she’s going to regret it. I don’t want any part in it but it seems I’ll have to. He’s mentioned taking her car back (his name is on it) if she takes it any farther.

My thing is one day she’s fine and suddenly she’s not. She’s fine when it’s just herself, but the second she mom talks to her it’s wrath of this and wrath of that. Her moms driving a wedge even worse into this situation and I hope karma gets her really good. As for niki herself, I hope one day she grows up and can finally be her own person. She’s 50, so I don’t expect anything, but I hope. She could be such a nice person when she doesn’t have three people in her ear telling her what to do. Or the ghosts in her head telling her everyone’s against her. Her bipolar is clearly no joke and maybe a little more than we thought we could handle.

#personal #fucking christ