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ahgastae · 3 years

Text

worst chefs in seoul (outline) – kim seokjin x gn!reader

➥ word count: 3.9k | reality/cooking show au | crack | fluff

➥ m.list

➥ a/n: we’re back at it again with another wip i never finished lol. this one is the outline for what was intended to be a social media au (as evidenced by some of the notes i left for myself), though it’s likely that’s not how it actually would’ve come out. i’d love to hear some of your thoughts/reactions, and i hope you enjoy ♡

day ???

start w y/n and yoongi goofing off on twitter

the whole y/n eating a moldy grape thinking it’s a kiwi thing

and yoongi panicking bc of it

could transition into them talking about the finale episode of their favorite show: worst chefs in seoul

they’re both huge fans, and equally complete disasters when it comes to culinary skill

yoongi likes the show bc he likes the competition aspect and tbh he got addicted after y/n forced him to watch the first season w them

y/n also likes it for that reason, but the main reason they watch it is bc of a certain kim seokjin

anyway, they talk about the finale, and then yoongi says something about the next season’s ‘nominations’ coming up soon

y/n jokingly says they’re going to nominate yoongi bc of that one time he made tacos with dog food

and yoongi fires back w the time they managed to light the microwave on fire making cup o’ noodles

they agree to let each other live

…..for now

sike!

the two actually do end up nominating each other w/o the other knowing

y/n honestly just thought it would be funny if yoongi got picked and yoongi was like “fuck it why not”

little did they know…..

while the nomination guidelines assure that the selection process is completely random, this is a reality show

meaning for anyone w a brain that’s obviously not the case

contestants are actually chosen by the show’s assistant producers and approved by the chefs themselves and then the higher ups

but who are those assistant producers??

none other than park jimin and kim taehyung

neither of them keep their involvement with the show a secret, and one takes it a teensy bit more seriously than the other

anyway, they’re usually told to find a batch of contestants (that they feel) would conjure up the most drama for the show

it is tv, after all, and they have to keep people watching

and that part is crucial

to their credit, they do (somewhat) succeed for the most part

jimin selects yoongi and namjoon from the nomination pool bc he thinks joon’s clumsiness w yoongi’s nonchalant nature will work for max chaos

and taehyung chooses y/n and jungkook bc while their competitive drives are similar, y/n’s subdued nature has a big chance for conflict w jk’s out-there attitude

(how do they know all this? they’re experts at what they do leave me alone)

day ??? 2.0

y/n (and yoongi, secretly) is ecstatic when they get the emails/DM/whatever that they’ve been “chosen for the next hot season of worst chefs in seoul!”

but then yoongi asks if it’s allowed for them to know each other and accept the nomination

like they’re best friends. is that going to present some kinda problem that’ll get them both kicked off??

should only one of them accept it?

(he’s immediately ready to sacrifice his own nomination bc he knows how much y/n cares about this stupid show)

y/n says they’re not going to let him do that bc they were both chosen, meaning they both should get to go

but—

“it’s fine!! we can just pretend we don’t know each other when we’re on set!”

and so they’re off

to some undisclosed location in seoul

day 0

jimin and taehyung are the first to greet everyone, collecting all four contestants together for a tour of the dorms

and y/n starts texting yoongi in a panic bc both of their dumbasses forgot that the contestants are separated into teams as soon as they arrive

yoongi prolly says smth like i’m two feet away from you why are you texting me

(y/n reminds him they can’t make it seem like they know each other)

yoongi acts like it’s not that big of a deal

prolly says there’s a good chance they’ll end up on the same team

and if they don’t they can just hang out in the dorms when the cameras are off and away

which is when jimin loudly announces that this season, each team is getting their own dormitory

and that contestants will be required to stay in their dorm while filming the season, except for approved ‘outings’ for the show

he moves on before anyone can ask what that means

they’ll be allowed to pick whichever dorm they want to stay in for the first night, since they want to get the contestants’ reactions on camera when they reveal the teams

but after they’re revealed tomorrow, it’s your dorm and your dorm only

y/n and yoongi automatically gravitate towards each other

they end up together in the ‘new’ dorm, which yoongi grumpily notes is practically bigger than their whole apartment

y/n wonders if they ended up in seokjin’s dorm, and gets excited at the thought of this being a ‘test’ to see which chef’s team they’ll be on

to which yoongi asks what makes this dorm his?

“idk i just...feel his aura in here”

“.......okay, weirdo. i’m gonna go ‘feel his aura’ in the bathroom and take a—”

“yoongi!!”

y/n can either ask what yoongi thinks of the other contestants or they can both pretty much blow them off entirely for the time being

idk which yet

day 1

next morning, the contestants are woken up bright and early by none other than our favorite assistant producers

the wake up call comes in the form of a new group chat between the six of them

along with a link to ‘download’ the calendar for the shooting schedule

(which is really an app/virus that disables certain functions on their phones)

((such as most social media and texting numbers outside their ‘parameters’))

after that’s all hashed out, jm & t explain that this group chat is for any and all notifications and updates about the show, as well as any questions and/or concerns the contestants might have

“can i just vote to eliminate myself now and go home?” and

“how do i get this fucking thing off my phone” and

“when do we find out what team we’re on??”

the answers to which are

you’ll find out when filming is finished

and right now!

they tell the contestants to get up and get dressed as their first day on set officially starts now

y/n and kook immediately jump into action and leave the gc

joon lags behind a little confused but follows the flow

yoongi, ever the people person, gets aggressive when they don’t answer his questions about their goddamn malware

“is this even legal?? are you even fucking allowed to just disable our devices like this?”

“what if there’s an emergency??”

“looks like you’ll just have to find out, huh?”

yoongi’s phone then crashes and won’t let him unlock it until the first block of filming is finished

jm: “oops ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ”

day 1 recap

we find out through our superfan what happens during the first episode

(maybe do something like this person is some kinda press/‘news’ account dedicated entirely to w.c.i.s. and the two chefs)

((mayhaps they leak the contestant list before it goes public??))

((jimin and tae could have some kinda unspoken rivalry w them lol))

anyway the story is told through them in a series of twitter threads

(plus a few messages from y/n to yoongi freaking out about the teams they get put on)

first event of the day is: the team announcements

yoongi and joon end up on team kim seokjin and y/n is on team jyp w kook

being split up puts a bit of a damper on their plans, and with this stupid cell block they don’t know if they’ll even be allowed to talk to each other

none of them get much time to react, though, as they’re then shuffled off to their respective kitchens

where they finally meet their respective chefs

and, lo and behold, y/n is goddamn terrified

jinyoung is even scarier in person than he is on tv

“don’t laugh at me yoongi!! this is the guy who made a girl sob on live television!”

“and now ur gonna be the next person what’s the problem lmao”

while y/n tries to get past their fear, they’re given their first official task: work together with their new partner to create a meal of their choice

the catch is that they aren’t allowed any help from their chef yet

and since the teams were just announced literally like 10 minutes ago, none of them have had much of a chance to get to know each other

(the network knows this, and does this on purpose since most of the seasons’ first episodes are spent either arguing or being completely lost)

things go about as well (read: badly) as expected

y/n and kook soon discover their very conflicting personalities and spend the majority of the round bickering back and forth about what to make/how to do it

meanwhile yoongi slaps a piece of sliced cheese directly on the stove while joon runs around like a chicken w its head cut off

in the end, team jyp somehow manages to come out victorious

they cobble together some (semi) edible banana milkshakes to present to the judges

(‘together’ meaning y/n wanted to make plain vanilla milkshakes and kook switched it for banana milk when they weren’t looking)

yoongi and joon tried (keyword being tried) to make grilled cheese

but between yoongi’s cheese-to-stove method and joon dropping their two pieces of burnt toast right before the timer rang

they didn’t get many points

as their reward, team jyp has the honor of picking what they’ll be making tomorrow

they’re given the rest of the day to think and talk it over while team ksj is told to reflect on what went wrong in today’s trial

back at the dorms (now in their separate teams), y/n finds that yoongi finally graces them w a response

(and that they were right about which one was ‘seokjin’s’ dorm)

yoongi tells them about ‘that little shit’ locking him out of his phone and that he honestly just wants to get tf out of there contract or not

y/n convinces him to stay and stick it out, if not for them then for the prize money at the end

yoongi then asks what dish they’re going to pick for tomorrow, and asks if they can pick something he at least has an idea how to make

cue y/n saying that they were thinking of suggesting one of seokjin’s signature dishes but not knowing if kook would go along w the idea

“he kept trying to switch out our ingredients for banana milk and i don’t know how to tell him to knock that shit off”

“honestly you know i’m not one to take charge but he wasn’t even listening to me!! what’s to say he’s actually going to listen to the PROFESSIONAL chef here to help us??”

“aNd SPeAkINg oF THaT”

cue y/n whining about how they wanted to be on jin’s team and it’s not fair that they both got stuck w jinyoung AND a bratty kid on their team

yoongi sympathizes since he was looking forward to them being on the same team, but makes y/n agree that if he has to give the competition a chance then they have to give kook one too

“i mean yeah he seems like a bit of a dumbass but isn’t that why we’re all here? bc we have no fuckin clue what to do in the kitchen?”

hmm...fine they’ll give him a chance

but they still think he’s a lil shit and don’t really wanna talk to him at all, let alone reach some kinda compromise on what to make

they don’t get much or a choice, though, as they both receive a mysterious message from...jungkook? in another group chat?

the contestants find that they have all been manually added to another gc

except this one is missing the two assistant producers who love to breathe down their necks

everyone but jk is immediately suspicious

is this some of trick to get them to screw up?

to break some kinda hidden clause in the contract none of them actually read?

wasn’t that thing they downloaded supposed to block incoming messages like this?

“but wait, yoongi, then how were we able to…?”

but as of right now, they don’t get any answers

and they’re all too afraid to ask anyone but each other

“well we’re all here so...we might as well get to know each other right?? :D”

this is where we get our first in-depth look at the four people stuck on this show together, who in their lives nominated them and why

(y/n and yoongi’s lying skills are put to a bit of a test as they each rush to pull stories right out of their asses)

kook talks about bambam and says his nomination said smth about “adding banana milk to everything f*ckin thing he makes”

he doesn’t really get why that was enough to land him a spot on the show but he thought it would be pretty cool to be on tv and just went along with it

namjoon talks about hobi and emphasizes that he’s not that bad of a cook

he just gets nervous and confused when it comes to recipes and cooking which expresses itself in the form of his unabashed clumsiness

joon then asks if they’ll really be prevented from having any outside communication until filming is finished

he, like yoongi, questions the legality of deceitfully installing the block on their phones

y/n says there probably was some kind of hidden clause that allowed them to do that, as they “can’t imagine seokjin would take part in a competition that abuses its contestants”

to which joon replies that they don’t actually know seokjin so they can’t really ‘imagine’ anything about how he will or won’t act

right as yoongi is about to jump in and tell him to back off, jungkook decides that that’s way too much legal talk for him

he forces changes the subject back to the gc as a whole and says that even if they’re prevented from talking to their friends he’s happy they’ll “at least have each other :D”

y/n feels like part of that is directed at them and feels bad for how they thought he was ‘just a dumb kid’ before

namjoon, however, is still hesitant

he’s not sure if this chat could get them in trouble in regards to the show and their contract and what not and says that they all should probably delete it just to be safe

but that is unanimously vetoed by y/n and kook (and yoongi, reluctantly) and they decide that if the block allowed it to pass through then it must be allowed

before joon can argue anymore, they all receive a message from tae in the ‘official’ gc

he briefly explains the lights out policy of the dorms and tells them that they’re probably going to want a good night's sleep for their ‘big day’ tomorrow

yoongi then says smth like “well...guess that’s lights out then” and jk responds excited as ever w “night guys!! see you all in the morning! :)”

and y/n can feel their soul leaving their body for even thinking anything ill about him

day 2

contestants are woken up bright and early by alarms they didn’t set

(“oh great, so they just hijacked every app on our fucking phones then”

jimin tells them all to hurry up, get dressed, and meet the chauffeur outside bc they can’t afford to be late

(“literally! every second you waste is money docked from the network’s wallet! so get your asses in gear, guppies!”)

y/n and kook get outside first, but yoongi and joon are nowhere to be seen

y/n decides to text the q & a gc to get the dirt on seokjin

they kinda start sucking up to jimin and tae to see if they’ll reveal any info, particularly about what the chef is like and if it’s possible for him to talk to the ‘other’ team’s contestants

and while the producers are pleasantly surprised that one of the contestants actually want to use that gc for something other than yelling at them

they unfortunately can’t give much info besides what most people already know

and confirm that one of the chefs talking to the other’s students was probably not allowed, but that it’s also never really happened before so they’re not really sure lmao

(“taehyung!!” “what? was i not supposed to say that?”)

jimin cuts the conversation short there as yoongi and joon arrive and they all get on the shuttle for the set

taehyung does say one last thing tho

“good luck!! hopefully they don’t tear u up too bad!”

but first

our superfan gives us the downlow on the competition and how it works

after being split into teams, the contestants will rotate between ‘training’ w their chef and competing against each other in timed trial rounds

prizes can be won for both events, but the ones for the trial rounds are generally more competition based while the ones for the training rounds are more about luxury/quality of life while filming

each trial round win counts as a point towards the team’s score in the competition

only trial rounds affect this score

once a certain number of points has been reached (5), that team moves into the next phase of the competition

instead of working as a team, they are split up and now have to work against each other to win the favor of their chef

and in the finale, after one last big cookout competition, an individual winner is chosen and crowned a ‘former’ worst chef in seoul

once the contestants arrive on set, the chefs reiterate that today is just a training round

(they all let out a collective sigh of relief)

and it’s a good thing everyone woke up so early bc they’re just in time to learn how to make breakfast!!

“it’s not like we had much of a choice-oof.”

“anyway! team jyp, since you won the pretrial round yesterday, you get to decide what both teams will be learning how to make today. so, y/n, jungkook. think carefully. what do you want for breakfast?”

y/n is about to suggest seokjin’s signature strawberry and cream crepes when jungkook, who is still half asleep, blurts out “omelette”

(also i’ve decided that jackson is the host of the show now and i’m not changing my mind)

and it’s decided. they’re makin’ omelettes

(y/n is only a little bit peeved)

shuffled off to their separate kitchens, y/n is reminded of just how terrified they are of jinyoung

sure, they thought he was scary yesterday when they realized they were on his team, but now he has to actually teach them and they can’t help but think he’s going to make them into an idiot sandwich by the end of the day

as such, they try to keep half-asleep kook in between them and jinyoung at all costs, even if it meant running around the kitchen like a lost puppy

jinyoung, fully aware of how the show portrays him and how fans view him, notices this almost instantaneously

but he unfortunately doesn’t get to pull y/n aside to address it before jungkook starts digging through the fridge for banana milk and almost throws the entire carton of eggs on the floor

professional chef jyp mode: on

and they’re off

it’s a little difficult with y/n dancing around the kitchen anxiously and jungkook’s absolute aversion to being told what to do (as y/n predicted), but jinyoung manages to whip them into shape long enough to (barely) make a ham, cheese, and “green onion? wtf is that?” omelette

team seokjin, however, does not favor as well

yoongi apparently doesn’t know what tf a green onion is either and just throws in whatever green vegetable he can find while jin is struggling to keep namjoon from setting himself on fire

….and it turned out to be celery

that, plus joon somehow managing to burn the omelette to a crisp, costs them the training round

y/n and kook start to celebrate their victory and actually working as a team when jackson informs them that their ‘prize’ is they get to eat what they cooked while the other team gets whatever is left over on the catering table

“i hope you listened to your chef!”

“...jungkook, please tell me you used actual milk in this”

“um…”

back at the dorms, the contestants share their thoughts on their first day of training, as well as their first official day w their chefs

(also include y/n saying something about their banana milk omelettes actually not being half bad)

y/n immediately recalls how much they were terrified of jinyoung, almost cutting their finger off when he glanced over their shoulder when they were slicing the green onions

jk agrees, adding smth about how he didn’t think a scowl could ever be so intimidating

“it reminded me of my mom’s face when she found out i tried to pierce my own ears in the bathroom in middle school!! i was too afraid to push the needle all the way through and walked around with it in my ear all day until one of my teachers finally noticed and sent me to the office!”

...ok jungkook

during all of this, yoongi and joon are both like...wtf

“seokjin was literally nothing but nice to us. even when namjoon almost set his sleeve on fire lmao”

“hyung how did u manage that” “doesn’t matter”

jungkook thinks the difference in the chefs is hilarious, but y/n is only upsetti spaghetti

they go on a bit of a rant about how badly they wanted to be on jin’s team

saying something about how jinyoung is scary and mean and they’re almost positive he can sense their fear or something and probably use it against them while jin’s team would be so much better on the sole fact that they wouldn’t feel like he would turn them into an omelette for getting something wrong

cue jk being all babey asking “you...don’t wanna be on a team with me? :((“

and y/n immediately PANICS and tries to explain that NO, it’s not HIM but yoongi saves their ass by saying that seokjin is just their favorite and that’s all

jungkook feels better, but then namjoon is like “hol up. we all just met. how could you possibly know that?”

insert more y/n fumbling and jk confusion

yoongi (once again) covers w some bullshit story that he was able to just guess that based on what y/n’s said in the gc so far

joon wants to question it further, but jungkook informs them that the lights out call just came in before he can

another yoony/n sigh of relief

in private, y/n freaks out to yoongi for almost blowing their cover to the others

prompting a short conversation over whether they think they can trust them or not

y/n admits that they’re warming up to kook, but is a little suspicious if namjoon will keep their secret yet

convo ends with yoongi saying something like “well, the kid’s right about one thing. at least we know we have each other”

end.

#kim seokjin x reader #kim seokjin x you #jin x reader #jin x you #bts jin x reader #jin #kim seokjin #bts jin #jin fic #seokjin fic #bts x reader #bts x you #bts crack #bts fluff #me releasing my old wips to try and make up for the fact that i haven't actually written or posted anything for months?#it's more likely than you think #my writing #on hiatus 🌙

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hey-hamlet · 5 years

Text

BNHA AU Ideas : Shins-bro

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: Izuku and Shinso are best buds. Thats it.

shinsou has a terrible mum and he's complaining about it "ironically"

like : "lmao my mum is gonna beat my ass for this shitty mark" and he's shocked when izuku is like 3 seconds away from tears

izuku drags shinso to his house and his mum is home and shinso is Spooked bc,, adult?? friends???

hes so scared that inkos gonna yell at him for doing something stupid but as soon as he walks in the door izuku trips over his own feet taking off his shoes and tackle hugs his mum

so izuku and inko are laughing and like, half-fallen over bc izuku is a chunky boy and shinso is so lost??? at the door and inko uses her quirk to pull him over by the shirt and join in the hug

udhihdsf she!!! picks both of them up and squishes these good heroes in the best mother hug

izuku is laughing and shinso is sh o o k bc this is the nicest hug he's ever had???

inko puts them both down and flushes a little, says sorry for hugging shinso but she hasn't seen her boy in so long! and he must be a lovely young man if he's friends with izuku

she bustles off to go stir dinner on the stove and izuku just grins and looks at shinso

"isn't my mum great?!"

",,,yeah"

he and shinso go to his room and izuku pulls out his old console

admits he used to make his mum play this fighting game over n over when he was little, and that she always used to pick this female hero with a big white cape because she liked her hair. he giggles and tells shinso that if he wants izuku can maybbbeee let him play allmight

he picks endeavour for a sec and asks shinso if je just wants to beat up endeavour for a minute before they really start

it turns into them setting like 6 AI to level 9 endeavours and them both playing allmight to beat the crap out of them

inko walks in w tea and little cakes she made and gasps happily bc she loved that game! so they restart the round with 2 allmights + 1 nana plus all the endeavour AI

izuku and shinso keep protecting inko's character from all the fire bc she doesn't deserve this

izuku shoves a cupcake into shinsou's mouth when he goes to ask izuku something

shinsou like, lights up bc he's never had home-baked stuff before and its sooooo good so he just kind melodramatic puts his controller down and says "i guess this is kamino ward 2.0" as all might gets crispy fried by the AI and shoves the cupcake into his face

izuku c a ck l e s

izuku and inko, melodramatically "we can't let allmight 1 fall!! protect him!!!" and they try to save this idle allmight as shinso watches w icing on his face

inko and izuku save idle allmight and shinso cheers softly. inko shoves a cupcake into hers and izuku's faces and hands another to shinso in celebration

she then ducks out to go take care of the dinner again. izuku giggles and puts dollop of icing on shinsos nose, who sneezes then looks offended that his nose dared to sneeze

shinso tries to lick the icing off he nose

but like

it's not working

and izuku is losing it laughing but shinso is stubborn and won't stop just bc what he's doing is v stupid. they end up w shinso's legs on izuku’s bed w his back on the floor, izuku leaning against the bed. shinso isn't really sure why he thought this was a good idea

and they run through English homework and shinso and izuku are both shockingly good and both refuse to admit its bc they spend too much time on tumblr/youtube

shinsou: gee izuku why are u so good at english

izuku, who has been reading self insert all might x reader fics for like 50% of his life: no reason :)))

fdguhdfghufh shinsou, who has been reading angsty fics of all his faves instead of going to therapy: wow same ,,,

also im sorry but, izuku def reads allmight self insert that isn't like "uwu dating you" but its like "what if allmight was ur best friend" or "allmight is your secret dad??? uwu"

u know all those old ass watt pad fics where one direction adopts u, that but all might and all the chapters are just

all might tucks u into bed after a hard school day and tells you he’s proud of you

all might fucking detroit smashes ur class bully into the concrete

u and all might attend the premiere of his latest docuseries and u cry bc there’s a whole preface abt how u changed his life for the better and he could not ask for a better child

izuku and shinso go through their old tumblr/wattpad/deviantart accounts and cry laugh

its all in terrible english and one of the comments is "are you 10 or can you just not speak english"

6 years later, izuku responds

"both, actually"

izuku writing vent fics but they’re like

“all might punches my classmate bc he stole my fuckign apple juice kacchan i hate u”

"all might tells me i don't need my fuckign dad i haven't seen since i was 4 and he becomes my new dad"

“all might tells me i have no bedtime and makes my mom dinner bc she’s stressed and she needs a nap”

"all might adopts me and marries my mum and has a kid who becomes my brother and best friend"

he wrote them all between 6-12 he started writing better shit when he was 12 and made a new account (better, not good.)

his first round of fics were like all in first person and shinsou’s w h e e z i n g like why’d u think this was a good idea. izuku s cryign bc hE WAS SIX HITOSHI STOP IT. its like really terrible english too

izuku is mad but then he realizes he was hitoshi's deviantart open and he g r i n s (its all shitty drawings of cats and his OC Hero ) there are like twenty pictures of his actual cat taken on a shoddy ds camera

also as like, a soft dumb thing izuku is like speed typing on his laptop and shinsou is like??

izuku shushes him n tells him he wants to finish it before dinner

what hes done

is he wrote one of the shitty self insert fics, intentionally shittily but w allmight as izukus dad and eraserhead and shinsous and they live together for no reason at the "hero apartments" and can be brothers

shinso is laughing and crying at the same time and izuku is like

",,,, im gonna send it to present mic"

"nO"

"do you think ill get extra credit?"

"nO DOnT DO IT"

izuku in retaliation sending in some of shinsou’s oldass oc comics and mics just

“i mean

it’s in english,,,”

they get extra credit but it's not really helpful bc they both had As now they both have A plus' but dont wan them

(mic sends it to all might and eraserhead but like, redacts shinso and izukus names and aizawa is twitching w either rage or laughter, all might is bright red and giggling like an idiot)

pls the teachers gc is just “all might and eraserhead tuck u in and call u a Good Boy” for the next three months

as a running joke, whenever they can, that's what izuku and shinso write for English

like in german we had to write plays and act out little skits in german. in english, they do that but like, izuku is eraserhead and shinso is a cat stuck in a tree

they have to write sentences w different words? and they get "comfort" "rescue" and "light" and its all shit like

"my dad eraserhead rescued me from homework because mic is terrible"

"all might's fatherly love lights up the hole in my heart"

"the fatherly aura of allmight and eraserhead brings me comfort on my darkest days"

izuku gives the ol puppy dog eyes to aizawa who begrudgingly lets them sleep over at inko's house

and there is only one bed! and they cant decide who gets it

neither of them sleep in it and they both stubbornly lay on the floor. it takes like 5 seconds for them to start laughing

#bnha au #bnha #shinsbro au #shindeku #mostly platonic but w/e #shinsou hitoshi #Shinsou #midoriya izuku #Izuku #Midoriya #eraserhead #aizawa shouta #midoriya inko #present mic #All Might

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bitchronan · 5 years

Text

Sun-Struck

Millicent/Ginny

Non-magical, college, texting AU

Warning for language & alcohol use

ao3

Tuesday, 11:04

Pansy to what was our group chat name again: Millie.. what was that?

Millicent: what was what?

Pansy: you just walked into a tree?

Millicent: I literally did not

Pansy: idk how else to say this .. yes you did

Blaise: hate to agree w/ pansy but I also bore witness

Millicent: ur all dirty fucking liars

Tracey: Ginny weasley just walked past

Tracey: don’t worry millie I don’t think she saw

Theo: wait what????

Theo: ginny weasley!!!?????

Millicent has left the group

Pansy to dynamo titties: don’t think ur getting off this lightly

Millicent: why couldn’t I have better mates

Daphne: fuck right off we’re amazing

Astoria: heard you’ve got wet knickers for weasley female

Millicent: I’m blocking you all fr

Millicent @itsmilliebitches

for sale: shitty friend group, will poke their giant noses in ur business and leave their dirty socks on yr floor (DRACO), starting bid: $0.06 and a piece of gum

reply / retweet / like

Wednesday, 09:43

Pansy created the group weaslette recon

Pansy added Millicent to the group

Pansy added Draco to the group

Pansy added Daphne to the group

Pansy added Blaise to the group

Pansy added Astoria to the group

Draco to weaslette recon: oooo exclusive members only club

Pansy: this is serious shit

Pansy: no fucking around

Blaise: except for millie

Blaise: ba dum tss

Daphne: please never say that again

Pansy: you have all been chosen for your unique talents

Pansy: Millie obviously u have no talents ur just here bc ur the one w the mega crush

Pansy: Daph ur weird friends w potter we can use that

Millie: oh thanks

Daphne: weird friends …

Pansy: Draco ur just super nosy

Pansy: Tori u and Ronald are still ‘friends’ right?

Pansy: and blaise u just have weirdly good stalker talents

Blaise: right so why are you here?

Pansy: im the brains obviously

Astoria: obviously..

Wednesday, 12:17

Astoria to ronnie 🌸: what are you up to??

Ron to tori 🌟: just laundry you?

Astoria: you know

Astoria: I have laundry to do too

Ron: 😊

Blaise to draconis: you know I think the binoculars are a bit of a give away

Draco to blaze: it’s part of the look blaise

Draco: I’m committed to the aesthetic

Blaise: god ur gay

draco @dracodormiens

need new friends who can truly appreciate the effort I put into being the only one w/ taste or sense of style.. or a skincare routine

reply / retweet / like

Wednesday, 13:54

Draco to weaslette recon: this is what I have learnt thus far about weasley the smallest:

Draco: she literally does not own any shoes other than sneakers

Draco: which, quite frankly, is a crime

Draco: she’s a lot taller than you think she is

Draco: I would say around 5’7

Draco: bearing in mind millie that you are actually the shortest person alive

Draco: that could present issues

Draco: also she’s friends with loony lovegood which doesn’t speak highly of her taste

Astoria: okay I actually learnt something useful so I’ll go now

Draco: ‘useful’?? okay Sherlock do your worst

Astoria: Ron said she plays football Monday, Tuesday and Fridays and some weekends

Astoria: she’s on the varsity team

Astoria: she works at that coffee shop by the science building

Astoria: she loves animals and volunteers at a rescue shelter when she has the time

Astoria: he also said she’s the most annoying person alive, has no sense of personal space and always takes his shit

Astoria: seeing as he’s her brother I think this is a bit of a biased assessment

Pansy: Astoria thank you for your good work

Pansy: draco I’m doubting your usefulness to this mission

Draco: guess I’ll just die then

Wednesday: 16:02

Daphne to cilliment: ginnys at the library

Daphne: surrounded by admirers

Millicent to dangly: can u blame them

Daphne: god ur wet

Millicent: 🖕🏼

Millicent @itsmilliebitches

Some people are actually like the sun and everyone is just drawn to them ☀️

reply / retweet/ like

Wednesday, 19:16

Ron to grotty sibling #6: Astoria was asking a lot about you earlier

Ginny to roonil: I wouldn’t find your girlfriend asking about your family odd apart from the fact that Draco Malfoy and Blaise zabini were following me around w a pair of binoculars

Ginny: btw I bagsie letting mum down in favour of my social life this week

Ron: fuck no I already have plans

Ron: also, not my girlfriend

Ginny: not if I text her first you don’t

Ginny to birthgiver: mom I can’t come to dinner this weekend I have important plans

Ron to Mom: Can’t make dinner this weekend but Ginny will be there she has nothing on xx

Molly to Family: Any more of my ungrateful children want to stand me up this weekend?

Fred: now you mention it….

One notification [view / ignore]

Ginny Weasley @ginnyweasley like your tweet: “@itsmilliebitches: Some people are actually like the sun and…”

Thursday, 11:07

Theo to what was our group chat name again: why have we not spoken for like three days

Theo: wtf is going on??

Blaise: definitely not bc we have a new secret gc w/out you

Theo: hahaha I would rip your throat out

Pansy: :/

Theo to bbbbbbbBLAISE: who is in this secret group chat

Theo: ANSWER ME

Blaise to the-no: if I told you it wouldn’t be secret

Theo: you’d better sleep with one eye open fucker

Luna Lovegood has sent you a message request [view / ignore]

Luna Lovegood to Millicent Bulstrode: there’s a party at phi delta alpha on Saturday

Luna Lovegood: I thought you might want to come since you clearly have a massive crush on Ginny

Luna Lovegood: She’ll be there, in case that wasn’t obvious

Luna Lovegood – Add Friend / Message

Millicent to main group chat with everyone not secret cooler group chat: what are we all doing on Saturday

Millicent: rhetorical question we’re going to a party at pda

Draco: still the best fraternity name ever

Thursday, 14:12

Daphne to ditties (dynamo titties): anyone (millie) wanna go get coffee specifically at that place by the science building for no particular reason

Tracey: I’m down

Daphne: don’t remember inviting you but okay I guess

Millicent: how do you know she’s working today

Daphne: Penelope Clearwater from my business class is a manager there

Daphne: she showed me the rota

Millicent: on what grounds??

Millicent: Hey penny can I see the staff rota for the coffee shop you manage for vague and unspecified reasons

Daphne: pretty much yeah

Daphne: slytherin

Tracey to ditties (dynamo titties): okay what’s everyone want?

Tracey: millie ur ordering for everyone

Tracey: millie??

Daphne: I think shes literally lovestruck

Daphne: I want an oat milk latte w vanilla syrup

Daphne: oh look there’s potter we should go sit w him and his pals

Daphne: the sister of my friend’s best mate is my crush and all that

Tracey: as the spice girls so wisely said

Tracey: if you wanna be my love you gotta get with my friends

Daphne: zigazig ah

Tracey: pray be upstanding for the mighty spice girls

Millicent: fuck off im actually about to crap myself

Daphne to potter: oi potter who are your pals?

Harry to daphne g: daphne, fancy seeing you here

Daphne: we have ulterior motives

Harry: should I be worried?

Daphne: ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies

Daphne to ditties (dynamo titties): millie whats that on your cup??

Millie: ??? what do u mean

Tracey: there’s something drawn on your cup

Tracey: it looks kind of like a sun

Daphne: why does she look like shes about to pass out?

Luna Lovegood invited you to the event shindig / Saturday, 21:00

Going / Maybe / Can’t go

Saturday, 19:38

Millicent to skkkkrrrr: okay I need help of the wardrobe variety big time

Pansy: omw

Millicent: id rather not look like a bdsm stripper but thanks for the offer

Pansy: don’t speak to me or my 47000 pairs of similar but slightly varied fishnets ever again

Daphne: just wear like

Daphne: clothes

Millicent: thank fuck for that idea

Millicent: fuck u all theo will help me

Pansy: if you want to look like a stressed librarian be my guest

Millicent to main group chat with everyone not secret cooler group chat: everyone but pansy and daphne I need help with my outfit

Draco: fishnets not on the menu then?

Pansy: I resent the implication

Theo: how about a nice sweater?

Pansy: im not saying anything

Astoria: theo it’s a party not a meeting of grammar lovers worldwide

Blaise: you’re all hopeless I must truly do everything myself

Millicent renamed the group blaise + fake friends

Blaise: I approve this message

Saturday, 22:17

Millicent to blaise + fake friends: hey

Millicent: crazy idea

Millicent: what if we /didn’t/ go

Draco: we’re here so a little late to chicken out

Millicent: who’s gonna fucking stop me

Tracey: literally all six of us

Blaise: right who wants a drink?

Pansy: I want 5 please

Pansy: oh tori there’s ur boyfriend

Astoria: are u sure u know what a boyfriend is pans

Pansy: bite me greengrass miniature

Astoria: 🙄

Draco: if you’ll all excuse me I’m going to go get blackout drunk

Theo: who said you don’t have hobbies

Daphne: come on millie I’ll hold your hand whilst you pine over weasley from afar

Saturday, 23:45

Harry to daphne g: I have ur friend

Daphne to potter: is this a hostage situation?? Bc I don’t really want her back

Harry: she just did three shots of tequila then downed an unidentified drink george gave her

Daphne: definitely don’t want her back then

Harry: I think she’s gonna hurl

Daphne: oh don’t worry millie doesn’t vomit she just ruins her life through questionable decisions

Harry: ever thought that perhaps that is worse?

Daphne: but infinitely more entertaining

Harry: daph

Daphne: fine im coming

Daphne: where are you?

Harry: kitchen

Daphne to potter: where are you???

Harry to daphne g: she got away, im in pursuit

Daphne: what do you mean got away??

Harry: gave me the slip, did a runner, kicked me in the shin and took off running

Daphne: I hope it bruises

Daphne: youre a terrible babysitter

Daphne to weaslette recon: anyone seen millie?

Astoria: yea she’s with me

Daphne: is she plastered?

Astoria: she seems fine??

Astoria: we’re playing foosball w ron and ginny

Astoria: hmmm

Daphne: what??!!

Astoria: she just took her shirt off

Daphne: must’ve been slow acting

Sunday, 00:03

Draco to blaise + fake friends: are my eyes decieveing me or is millie making out w girl weasley w no top on in the middle of the living room

Blaise: unless this is a shared hallucination in which case I will be gracefully committing suicide tomorrow then yes

Tracey: dw im filming the whole thing

Daphne: maybe we should stop them before they fully have sex in front of everyone

Astoria: or millie suggests body shots

Millicent: BODDY SHPTS!!!

Astoria: oh shit

Sunday, 08:39

Daphne to millie before you ask yes you did take your top off and suck vodka out of weaslettes navel last night: not to be dramatic but I think an angry dragon has taken up residence in my head

Draco: if any of you are truly my friends you will bring me 7 mcdonalds hash browns and 5 advil

Draco: and a coffee

Pansy: already omw to mcdonalds

Pansy: anyone else want anything?

Blaise: you could see if they’ve got millie’s dignity laying around

Pansy: doubtful

Pansy: recon in draco’s room in 15

Pansy: those of you who are alive

Daphne to cilliment: [Attachment: 1 image]

Daphne: a hashbrown or 9 to wash away the shame

Millicent to dangly: I’m literally dropping out and going home

Daphne: you kicked harry in the shin

Millicent: he probably deserved it

Sunday, 08:55

Ron to tori 🌟: so my sister and ur mate have got further than we have

Astoria to ronnie🌸: I can’t think what you mean

Ron: what are you doing today?

Astoria: trying not to die

Astoria: trying to stop Millie from killing herself

Astoria: the usual

Ron: I don’t think you need to worry about that

Ron: [Attachment: 1 image]

Astoria: omfg!!!!!!!!

Astoria renamed the group ginny weasley loooooooves millie

Astoria to ginny weasley loooooooves millie: [Attachment: 1 image]

Astoria: @Millie

Blaise: omg

Draco: maybe weaslette has taste after all

Tracey: :’) it’s a proud day for all of us

Pansy: if you’d worn fishnets she’d have called you mind-blowingly fuckable instead of just hot

Pansy: just stating the facts

Ginny Weasley – Add Friend / Message

One notification [view / ignore]

Ginny Weasley accepted your friend request

Ginny Weasley to Millicent Bulstrode: so.. I know more of your bellybutton than I do of you

Ginny Weasley: but what I do know I like

Sunday, 09:27

Astoria to ronnie 🌸: so where are we going tomorrow?

Ron to tori 🌟: tomorrow?

Astoria: on our first date

Wednesday, 13:48

Ginny to birthgiver: about Saturday

Molly to Ginny: You’re not getting out of it this week. I haven’t seen you in almost 3 weeks now.

Ginny: actually I was going to ask if I could bring my girlfriend

#hp #hpfic #millicent bulstrode #ginny weasley #millicent x ginny #ginny x millicent #*fic #mine

41 notes · View notes

jeonginsdimple · 6 years

Note

Ship members of the beacon babies gc with stray kids!

ikzjdjdj okay this is going to be hard 😪 but let’s go hoes also anon i really am so sorry if u wanted me to include u in this and i didn’t bc i have absolutely no idea who this is ))))): i love u i promise. that goes for everyone that didn’t end up in this i had such a hard time picking for everyonebdhdhdjjd

(this isn’t based on biases so i’m sorry if u don’t get ur bias 😔😔)

woojin: @awoojinstan literally i cant think of anyone more fitting for this. not only are you THE MOST beautiful girl i have EVER seen, and also like the most devoted woojin stan (ex. showing up immediately when woojin’s name is mentioned), but i genuinely think u and woojin would be a good match. ur dancing from what i’ve seen is incredible!!! that with woojin’s singing is like the ultimate power couple u would be so unstoppable watch out. we don’t talk much and i’m very sad abt that ): but !!!! i can see y'all being super super soft w each other and having him play guitar for u late at night and tell each other dumb stories and he’s like the most gentlemanly boy u have ever seen wow i’m getting soft u guys r the only couple i need in my life

chan: @changbiins yeah i’m fucking doing this elaine what r u going to do we all know i’m right thot. you’re both greasy and embarrassing (IM KIDDIGNNDJSJS). seriously though your sheer beauty mixed with this hotdog grease will cancel out and make the perfect visual couple. y'all will blind me for two completely different individual reasons. anyway u guys would prob hang out in the producing room bc i don’t think this boy ever leaves thta place and you’d take naps while sitting on his lap 👀👀👀 and he’d think ur fucking cute but he wouldn’t say it bc he’s ugly

minho: @soyeonboys abby!!! my wife!!!!! minho better watch his back )): you guys both give off this like mom vibe tho (even if minho’s is more like wine mom and ur the cool mom but that’s not the point). you’d both prob spend time yelling abt ur kids (us + sk) to each other. also we’ve been knew but he’s super clingy and kinda greasy so prepare for the CLINGIEST BOY of the century. he’ll always be trying to kiss u 😔😔 i can see u guys going on cute dates like in town or smthn and forcing him to take selfies bc his collection is dry as FUck but he’d force u to get in them too bc he loves to see ur face wowo this is oily

changbin: @versekiller ik ur not in the gc anymore but ))))): imo you’re a really good match for changbin. you’re both super cute and soft but claim ur dark (which is the biggest lie both ways don’t even try). and you’re tiny which is great! because changbins a whole fucking midget. he’d prob try to act cool around u @ first but give up rly fast and just let his soft bitch side show through 😔 acting cute for u n shit to get u to do things for him what a little shit. he’d prob take u out to super expensive places that’s probably make u want to eject ur lungs out bc of the price (but that’s ok it’s his mom’s money anyway)

hyunjin: @wangingmorktuna okay tbh you would make a really good match for hyunjin. for one, you’re SO PRETTY ITS INSANE??????? and hyunjin is INDEED an iconic visual. you guys would literally be glowing i’d actually have to look away so i wouldn’t be killed instantly by you’re stunning visuals. he’d compliment you a lot and try to be cool abt it but be super super flustered and embarrassed and you would totally be able to tell but he’d deny it to his grave. i can see u guys going on little cafe dates and having small talk and taking a lot of pictures together it’s cliche but it’s so cute dhdhjwjsjdj

jisung: @stantalentstansk okay nathan is literally the biggest meme in this whole gc that’s no debate. and u know who ELSE is a big ass meme? jisung himself u right. both of u hoes are G R E A S Y like u rly like loving everyone. jisungs out here trying to kiss everyone and ur just sending us all WHOLESOME LOVE memes and it’s too much for my soft heart. so combine the two and you get the most greasy couple possibly ever (but in a good way). i can see y'all cuddling a lot like a lot lot lot of skinship seems likely w u sweethearts )): also jisung writes raps for u sometimes (not like johnny’s jshdjsjsjd no ‘fucking titties bitch jisungs out ✌🏻)

felix: @lexilanta bitch!!!! you and meme boy!!!!!!!!!! every time you use the 💀💀 emoji i get weird flashbacks to my friend sam calling felix (flax seed) a funky white boy there’s literally no correlation but somehow it happens. you’d probably roast him a lot tbh and he’d act all hurt by it until u called him cute sorry it’s the law he won’t leave u alone until u do. he’s possibly the clingiest boy i have EVER seen so prepare for some extreme skinship. you also get the special privilege of kissing his freckles 😔😔 make sure to let us know how his dog hair is btw–

seungmin: @xxstraykids idk why saja but you and seungmin are like the ULTIMATE couple in my mind. this boy is the cutest boy i have ever seen in my entire life literally he hurts me and you also happen to be the cutest person i’ve ever seen in my entire life so it’s already perfect. he’d be super super sweet to you and always ask how you’re doing and if you ate and what you’d want to do before suggest something. he’s super shameless and kind of embarrassing sometimes but that’s the good part so hehe. he’d lay his head on ur shoulder a lot and be kind of needy like a whole ass puppy. i can see you guys just kinda chilling and watching movies or youtube videos or something and just enjoying each other’s companies it’d be a really comfortable relationship 😪😪😪

jeongin: @gothfelix cici you’re so sweet it hurts me ))): you always compliment me and you make me so happy and you give me the best vibes and i cant this stress enough. jeongin is a BABY!!! your sweet (and really easy to talk to) personality would be like ideal for him because we all know he’d have kind of a hard time in a relationship. after a while though he’d get really comfortable and you guys would be able to actually do skinship without his lungs threatening to explode. you guys would definitely go on like mini movie dates and then go to a small diner or smthn like something simple u kno. overall it’d be really soft and i )))))))): i love this concept wow

—

okay i went like really really all out w this so i hope it’s up to ur expectation )): i love u all

19 notes · View notes

suguruverse · 3 years

Text

— BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH THE INARIZAKI TRIO

includes - miya atsumu, suna rintarou, miya osamu

a/n - hi this is my dream friendships pls i love all of them. i hope you enjoy this one lovelies!! <3 also fem reader

- they will literally at any time tackle you to the floor just because <3

- making fun of atsumu for his pre-serve hand gesture thingy (✊🏻 that one yk what i mean?)

- they actually love you a lot and show it by teasing you all the time

- but they’re the only ones who can be mean to you, if anyone else tries to be mean to u, u can bet ur ass that atsumu and osamu are bashing them up while suna records it

- calls you the most annoying and weirdest nicknames like my sweet little honey munchkin or my cutie patootie

- platonic babes, baby and i love you’s

- cuddle piles whenever someone is sad

- will save you from a creepy person talking to you but will make fun of you for it

- surprisingly protective over you

- they swear on their lives that they have man radar for suspicious guys near the area

- even if your talking to a classmate, they’ll start insulting him to the grave bc they’re talking away precious time for the trio to spend w u

- samu and tsumu simultaneously threw their backpacks at a creep who was bothering you

- you slapped a guy one time and they truly felt like proud parents

- suna: *recorded the whole thing*

- atsumu: that’s ma girl 😩

- osamu: laughing at the guy

- suna has a private story for whenever you, atsumu and osamu do stupid things

- i’m sorry but yes u get attacked by their fan girls

- especially atsumus, bc they’re so ruthless and for no reason

- you get love letters like every other day for you to give to them

- you get slut-shamed a lot from jealous bitches but you just ignore them like the bad bitch you are 😌

- 65% of the time they are the biggest hype men or 35% they are insulting you and say they’re ‘keeping u humble’

- making fun of atsumu hours bc he’s the least fav in the group haha jk

a conversation that happened one time before a party:

you: hey sexys is this okay for the party? *sends pic of outfit*

osamu: lol i think i just heard tsumu scream

suna: okay maam step on me lol 💦

you: ugh what a babe thank you rinnie <3

osamu: woah can i get a babe and a heart too

you: anything for my fav baby <3

atsumu: what about me?

suna: no tf what about you??? 😹😹 yes he uses cat emojis

you: yeah ikr perish lol

osamu: tsumu ik i just heard ur heart break huh

osamu: wait i think he’s crying

you: sorry b..babes <3

atsumu: i think i just started floating

suna: *sends pic of outfit*

you: AHAHAHKSNSJSNEKDK RIN BABY U LOOK DELISH

suna: omg STAWP before i kiss you on the mouth

osamu: lol y/n and suna catching feelings caught in 4K

okay end of convo

- anyways

- pretending to be their gf when their fan girls get out of hand

- yes suna has a photos of you doing the most embarrassing shit

- he says he’s gonna delete it but never does. 🤡

- most of the information they know about makeup or periods and anything like that comes from you

- you: *explaining women struggles*

- them: i’m sorry for ever breathing the same air as you

- suna and osamu lets you do their makeup and hair

- atsumu likes to try do yours instead

- suna stole ur eyeliner 💔

- loving osamu the most for making the best onigiri and he brings you some everyday bc he knows you forget to eat sometimes

- atsumu tried to take ur onigiri one time and you punched him hehe

- weekly movie nights that they hate but still come bc they enjoy spending time w u

- lol forehead kisses

- at lunch they know that you get nervous whenever they randomly disappear without u so if you need to go somewhere, they’re right behind u

- will flop on top of you to see if you can carry them

- they randomly bite you

- shit talkers ‼️

- texts the gc at like 2am asking for homework answers

- pinches your cheeks so hard until they’re red to get ur attention

- slapping atsumu when he keeps staying back super late practicing

- going to each game to support them

- stupid pranks with each other

- they literally don’t know what to do when you cry so they just awkwardly pat ur back and feed you food

- they get sentimental when they’re tired so you’ll probably get a whole paragraph saying how much they appreciate you in the middle of the night

- no one understands ur relationship bc one moment ur flirting and the next ur punching them and calling them a piece of shit

- you and suna call till ungodly hours into the night

- when atsumu is practicing late, osamu rants about how much he hates atsumu and how he can’t believe he has the same face as someone so idiotic

1K notes · View notes

danatole-headcanons · 7 years

Text

Ace, Andy, Kena, and Vic’s Danatole Kid Hcs

@melchirits

* THE KIDS * * helo naught xhildern, it’s danatole child time * THE KIDS: Fyodor(Theo) and Lucette (Lucy) Dolokhov-Kuragin * Dickle * every close friend/relative gets One Name to suggest * all of them are really good and considerate…………..until they go to balaga, a family friend * they tell balaga that he has One Chance……. And the name he choses is dickle * “ok balaga you have one shot at this, don’t fuck it up” * “ok ok hear me out. dickle.” * anatole is dying * dolokhov is having a heart attack in the background, im fucking wheeding * “ok but give me at least three chances” * “hear me out: succulent butterfly or FUCKING NUTMOBILE” “why’d you scream the second one?” “Because it should be in all caps” “get the fuck out” * “you had one chance, WE’RE NOT NAMING OUR GOTDAM SON DICKLE” * “but can the middle names spell dickle, what about troika” * “balaga please get out of our house it’s midnight” * “how about pikachu. Or ash ketchum.” * fedya, screaming from the background, heart attack paused: “YES” “i think i thought of the perfect name” balaga literally gets to anatole’s height by climbing him and whispers, “the loud THX noise from that one movie.”[a] * “name the child the THX noise” “balaga,,,,its been four days please leave” * he Won’t give up * Other balaga recommendations: * FUCKING NUTMOBILE * lucas steele, and variants * paul pinto * razor boy * succulent * marvin * paul pinto in khakis * lucifer * succulent butterfly * lampost * trash can * naruto * pikachu * ash ketchum * kukas steeke * THX noise * fursuit * (anatole kicks him out after that one) * ALSO * “fedya you are the father” * “so are you” * “oh shit true” * the first child (theo) grows up and learns that they were literally almost named fucking nutmobile and is ready to deck both balaga and their dads * balaga is like “im gonna teach your kid how to drive” * anatole astral projects while Everyone it holding fedya back from destroying balaga * balaga teaches the kid how to drive anyway bc fedya and anatole can’t stop him * so the kid gets pulled over by a cop the first time they drive (w/balaga) bc of course * the police person is just like “I KNOW YOU” and balaga screams “FLOOR IT” * “green means go, red also means go probably, yellow means speed up” * “balaga why is my kid crying” “,,,,,,,,,,reasons” * balaga calls theo dickle forever bc he can * Lucy has Fedya’s Determination and she does everything balaga does better * balaga cries into a wine bottle on the pavement * “balaga eating saltines and chugging wine on the sidewalk”~Quote from Ace * one time balaga takes lucy out for night lessons * fedya wakes up as this is happening and has a panic attack because “where is our kid oh dear god” * he literally sprints out into the driveway and balaga screams “FUCKING FLOOR IT” and lucy’s doing all sorts of pro maneuvers * while balaga ends up hanging on for dear life because “oh so this is what it’s like to be my passenger” * “lucy lucifer” * balaga has a corkboard full of parking tickets he never paid, he hoards them like trophies * (balaga voice) speed limit 420 haha nice

* “Balaga that says 42,,,” * “if i put four engines in my car,,,” * balaga owns a school bus that’s decked out like a monster truck * balaga works for uber AND lyft, like a double agent * one time he gets an uber and lyft at the same time so hes like fuck it and gets them both * fuzzy dice on rearview mirror * balaga’s car is named nutmobile & it has a nut sticker * balaga sleeps in his car in a walmart parking lot at night?? * on lucy’s first birthday balaga teaches lucy how to say fuck and fedya decks him in the street * balaga picks lucy up from school or something one day and he saw her and just yelled “HEY LUCIFER” * lucy whips around like YEAH FUCKASS WHAT DO YOU WANT, she was like 14 * BALAGA IS LITERALLY AT ANATOLE AND FEDYAS HOUSE ALK THE TINE AND HE IS JUST YELLING LUCIFER ALL GHE TIME AND FEDYA ID LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP BALAGA * balaga runs like naruto * balaga was the babysitter literally all the time * balaga worked as a gym teacher for a month before getting fired * (“what’d he get fired for?” “nothing you can prove”) ~Andy and Ace * someone else parks in his parking spot and he just keys the car * balaga worked as a librarian for two hours before being fired for telling the kids to shut the fuck up * balaga never gets fired from uber no matter what * Review: 5/5. Almost died but i got to my destination, 30 minutes away, in 2 minutes. * “LUCY, HYPERDRIVE” * balaga has completely taken over anatole & fedya’s garage * they try to walk in one time like “is this is fucking dead rat” and he shoots them with a paintball gun and says “no this is covfefe” * Balaga goes as a gc egg shaker for halloween w the kids * “No you just hear the beads and then theres tiny egg man” ~Kalvin * “yeah the guy who lives in our garage uhhhh tiny egg man” ~Theo * lucy draws balaga and he says “hell yeah fanart,” hangs it up on like the ceiling of his car * when lucy and theo play mario kart she always chooses rainbow road * chooses monopoly for Family Game Night * “lucy please we’ve been playing for three days” “no it’s blond dad’s turn” * anatole’s dying on the floor, fedya’s crying, theo’s dissociating * theo’s a hide and seek master

*They watch Buzzfeed Unsolved * lucy & theo go ghost hunting, lucy’s humming the ghostbusters theme and theo’s shaking like a leaf in the corner with ten vials of holy water on him * “hey demons it’s me, ya boi” “LUCY NO” * “COME AT ME DEMONS!” “L U C Y P L E A S E” * Theo is Dipper Pines * lucy is always ready to Deck People (kalvin style) * lucy has a pokeball in her backpack to throw at people she doesnt like * the guys at school call her “hellraiser” and the girls call her “lucifer” * theo and lucy are Not Straight in the slightest * lucy is pan, theo is gay & ace, & also trans * lucy makes so many innuendos she got detention multiple times because of it * theo can play literally any instrument and spent his money on bookfairs in elementary school * Theo knows that anybody who plays violin is a basic bitch so he plays viola instead * “Fyodor jr.!” “Sorry dad, you’re basic.” ~Convo with Anatole * theo quickly become better at gambling than fedya, it switches from fedya letting him win to him actually getting demolished, fedya cries * lucy does the thing where it looks like you’re doing ballet but then you go over to someone and kick them in the face * lucy literally carries around a bag of glitter to throw on people when they say/do something stupid * lucy’s ringtone is the THX noise and it’s always so fucking loud * ippolit kuragin is the cool uncle but also cryptid * is a fashion designer in NY apparently * unrelated: (dolokhov voice) me me big anxiety * theo stans all the murder musicals * also is totally straight for phillipa soo * also stans all things LMM * lucy’s contact pick for Blond Dad is That anatole pic * lucy is team valor and theo is team instinct * fedya’s valor, anatole’s mystic (prettiest logo???), balaga’s instinct * everyone outs poor anatole for being on team mystic * “so uh anatole what team did you pick?” “mystic” “oh because they’re smart and stuff–” “no, they’re the most aesthetic * the kids are highkey competitive about pokemon * anatole does that thing where he does 600000 soft restarts to get a shiny starter * he REALLY LOVES alolan vulpix!! * lucy has an embarrassing collection of photos of anatole * Balaga insists on giving the kids The Talk * theo didn’t talk for a week after but it could have gone much worse * someone: so how’d It Go? * theo, shaking, looking up with the purest fear in his eyes: it could have been worse * balaga teaches theo to curse * also, someone @ theo : “fuck, i mean shoot! im so sorry!!” theo, drinking a glass of vodka: what the fuck you can swear around me i literally fuckimg 21 years old what the shit * theo, quietly: in the heights is better than hamilton * lucy, a floor down: EX-FUCKING-SCUSE ME * once lucy asked balaga “hey do you sell drugs” * and balaga was like “no why, do you need them? bc i can get you them” * everyone sees theo as the calm kid, but if you talk shit about his family he Will duel you in a denny’s parking lot @ 3am hamilton style * there’s always the option to go live in the garaga with balaga * Theo’s secret dating the Andreirretasha kid, Nico(lai) * They are the cutest couple™ * Okay some Mama Helene™ bs * Helene was the mom, Fedya was the dad * “Helene and Dolokhov arm-in-arm,” * Lucy looks like a mini Helene, Theo looks like a mini Fedya * The only difference between Helene and Lucy is while Helene has the green-hairpiece-thing, Lucy wears a mauve bow * On Lucy’s fourteenth bday, Helene bent down to eye-level, look soulfully into her eyes, and said this: * “Lucy, as my daughter, i feel as if you should have this..” * It’s a necklace that says “Bitch” * Lucy was 13 when she started her drunk text collection * On Lucy’s 16 bday, helene gave her her most prized possession * “Lucy, I want you to have this, I was going to give it to you later in life, but you’ve come so far already..” * She pulls out a book from her purse, written in fancy calligraphy on it are the words “Burn Book” * “Lucy this is everything that someone i know has done wrong, treat it with care…” * It was one of the only times lucy has ever cried * You bet your ass there’s an entire section dedicated to Anatole * “Anatole, age 1-6, Anatole, Age 7-10, Anatole, Age 11-13, Anatole, Age 14-18, etc” * Theres even some stuff about Cryptid-Uncle-Ippolit * “Hey dad? Remember when you and uncle Pierre tied to guy to a bear for shits and giggles?” * Theo is on the spectrum * Helene got him a fidget cube * He and Lucy do sibling costumes * Theo is a gangly mess of limbs like how does the kid function * Theo was cis-passing when he started dating Nico * When he told him he was trans, Nico just shrugged and kissed him alot * Yeah so I love these kids and might write a fic

#be gondrey chat #nutmobile chat #helene bezukhova #helene kuragina #pierre bezukhov #andreirretasha #natasha rostova #anatole kuragin #fedya dolokhov #fyodor dolokhov #danatole #natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812 #the pride of sacrifice #balaga

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protectmarkjin · 7 years

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The Markjin Bedroom Conspiracy™

i havent reached in so long lets have some fun bc this is my Reachiest Reach of all time in the history of markjin so... enjoy lmao (this is for sana nd camille my markjination gc i luv yall)

it all began.... on the fateful day.... of the 16th of January 2016... when jinyoung told a story.... that would change my life forever......

now, obviously, i lost my goddamn shit when i heard this for the first time like it still to this day is quite possibly the cutest thing ive ever heard in my entire life?? like its up there w all the other cute shit markjin have done but little did i know.... it would lead to my biggest conspiracy of all time

before moving on like... ok lets break this down. why did mark go to jinyoung’s bed?? why, of all places, did he choose jinyoung’s room?? he couldve gone anywhere, including literally his own room lmao, but he chose to sleep in jinyoung’s room. and this is not a coincidence bc its the exact day jinyoung is away. so was it a comfort thing?? like it was nice to b in jinyoung’s space whilst he wasnt there im yelling ok also! at this point, it had been established that jinyoung didn’t rlly like having coco in his room, he would go out nd play w her dont get me wrong, but his room was kind of off limits. mark knew this?? nd yet he still went in nd slept in jinyoungs room WITH COCO. he wouldn’t do that if he knew it bothered jinyoung so, secretly.... does it not bother jinyoung?? does he actually not mind and is just being dramatic w this story to make us laugh?? is he.... wait for it folks.... used to it?? is this a regular thing?

even tho this was all kinds of shady and suspicious, i didnt rlly think much of it (i kno, me, the Mother of Markjin Tinhatting, not make a big deal of this? unfathomable) but then....... the moment that shook us all happened.....

NOW U MAY BE WONDERING “abbie?? how does this relate to the bedroom conspiracy?? this was on set??” AND U HAVE A POINT BUT!!! THIS IS MARKJIN REACHING HOURS SO STAY WITH ME HERE OK so does this pic look... comfortable to u?? easy?? cozy?? pleasant?? and other synonyms?? maybe that’s bc...... THIS IS A REGULAR THING THAT THEY DO AND ARE USED TO

ok but still..... this was not enough to get me fully tinhatting... but then... a few months later, mark was on running man nd for a long time we thought just by himself. nd the episode aired nd mark talked about how it was chuseok and the boys had gone home to see their families but he couldnt so he was stuck in the dorm by himself. BUT THEN!! who walks in??

WHY WAS JINYOUNG THERE WHY HADNT HE GONE HOME LIKE ALL THE OTHER GUYS WHY DID MARK SAY HE WAS BY HIMSELF ND THEN LIKE 5 FUCKING MINUTES LATER JINYOUNG WALKED IN NONE OF THIS ADDS UP

but that doesnt really imply theyre sharing a bedroom, per say, just that they were at the dorm together over chuseok when the rest of the boys werent... but we were made to think mark was at the dorm by himself?? it was strange and dorm related so im adding it but it STILL wasnt enough for me to get my full tinhat out

then the boys did an interview where they were asked who they would room with out of all the boys. jinyoung, who was the only one at the time who had a room to himself, easily couldve just stayed by himself. but.... he said mark.

AND AGAIN i didnt think much of it like its cute that they want to room together nd mark reacted so happily when jinyoung said that but alas, the dorm they were living in at the time made that dream impossible.

BUT THEN.... we got the news that got7 had moved dorms.

so...... the point that was made, over and over, was that all the boys had their own rooms apart from yugbam who wanted to continue rooming together. like this was ingrained in us. almost.... too much perhaps?? nd little things were being dropped that made me side eye a lil like mark always going to turn jinyoung’s light out when it was getting late even tho their bedrooms arent near each other nd mark going to jinyoung in the middle of night when he cant sleep bc of his booster nd a fan asked jinyoung if he would room with mark nd he said yes nd the same fan asked mark the same question nd mark said “i like him” in 3 different languages like... cmon. i was beginning to get my suspicions but i didnt have much to go on...

But Then.........both mark and jinyoung majorly fucked up lmao

THE MARK DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH ME THINKS!!!!!! like rlly he got so defensive so quickly over such a seemingly insignificant thing like we couldve easily interpreted it as mayb jinyoung just peeked in to wake him up or idk some other bullshit excuse but the FACT that mark so quickly had to be like “we dont room!!!! how would u know!!!!!” makes me so suspicious??? nd how naturally nd quickly jinyoung said “u slept well” like... he knew like why else would he say that lmao

now, u think the 2 of them would learn from this slip up.... but cmon this is markjin we’re talking abt they dont know the fucking meaning of subtlety nd from that we have the Great Teethbrushing Debacle!!!

2jae were doing a vlive nd they decided to call mark nd when mark answered he said he was brushing his teeth nd u could hear all these noises of brushing nd spitting nd 2jae started laughing nd said they could hear the sound of him brushing his teeth nd mark was like “oh.. really?? that’s not me, that’s jinyoung. he’s next to me” but then jaebum said jinyoung was at a schedule??? nd this threw me into a fucking tinhatting spiral bc ok.... who is lying?? if mark tried to cover up that he was brushing his teeth, why was the 1st person he thought of jinyoung?? but if jaebum was the one who lied then for what reason?? why would he need us to think jinyoung wasnt there in the dorm with mark getting ready for bed?? so if mark WAS telling the truth... then why tf was he sitting next to jinyoung whilst jinyoung was brushing his teeth!!! is this a thing!!!! do they accompany each other to the bathroom nd just chill whilst the other is brushing their teeth!!! is it bc they get ready together bc they’re both going to bed iN THE SAME ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!

AND IT HONESTLY DOESNT EVEN END THERE!!! whilst mark was away doing lotj, the boys were asked which room in the dorm they liked the most......... nd jinyoung said mark’s. bc it was.... the simplest. the simplest....... what kind of bullshit thin excuse im literally yelling fucking simplest??? ??? what!!!!!!! he didnt even elaborate like wtf does that mean?? whats wrong with his own room???? all the other boys answered their own rooms!!! what!!!! the fuck!!!!! HANG ON LEMME REPEAT THAT!!!!! ALL THE OTHER BOYS!!!!!! ANSWERED THEIR OWN ROOMS!!!!!! EXCEPT JINYOUNG!!!!!! WHO SAID MARK’S ROOM!!!!! SO IF ALL THE BOYS SAID THEIR OWN ROOMS!!!!! AND JINYOUNG SAID MARK’S ROOM!!!! THEN DOES THAT ALSO MAYBE MAKE IT!!! HIS ROOM AS WELL!!!!!!

and that is the end of the Markjin Bedroom Conspiracy™....... for now

#I USED HARRY TOO MANY TIMES IN THIS IMFDKSLFDSKLGH #i mentioned it in the Unexplained Markjin Moments post nd a few of u have asked me abt it #nd then sana was like GIVE IT TO ME so here it is lmaojfkdsljfks #is this a joke????? who knows #markjin

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