#the only thing keeping me working on weekends is i get sunday pay

[topguncortez]

Are You With Me | | Chapter 3

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synopsis: Jake and Y/N fight over the hospital bill and whether its a good idea to keep the kids on Jake's insurance or night. Jake still has issues with Miles. Ella makes a decision in the course of her treatment.

word count: 2.1k

warnings: medical inaccuracies, divorce, fighting, cursing, childhood cancer, mentions of childhood death

Jake had made a joke once that Eli was the cheapest baby they had. Said joke had earned him a glare that was fierce enough to send a shiver down his spine. Y/N had mastered the “mom eye” after having two kids.

But, even though Jake’s joke was done in poor timing, he was right. Having a baby, although not planned one bit, at home had saved them quite a bit of money. Jake had always found it comical that he was the best of the best. The 1% of the 1% and had some of the worst health care coverage in the whole United States.

“I feel like I need to take a loan out to pay these,” Jake rubbed his forehead, slipping his glasses off his face.

It was one of the rare moments that Jake and Y/N were both at the house. Y/N spent the day with Ella while Jake was at work and Alex was at school. Between Penny and Y/N’s mother Clara, they watched Eli for a couple of hours. Jake would then come to the hospital at night, staying with Ella while Y/N went home and made dinner and got the boys to bed. The Daggers had created a weekend schedule, each of them taking a saturday or sunday to stay with Ella so Jake and Y/N could both go home and recharge.

Though being at home was more stressful than watching their four year old getting pumped with toxins.

“Is that the bill?” Y/N asked as she walked into the kitchen after putting the boys down. She filled the tea kettle and set it on the burner, before pouring Jake a drink and taking it to him

“The first one, yeah,” Jake wiped a hand down his face, “Thanks,” He mumbled taking the rocks glass from her, “The ER visit cost thirty-three hundred dollars and insurance is only covering three hundred of it. The estimated total cost of care is around sixty-one thousand dollars.”

“Well,” Y/N swallowed, “I can always put Ella on my insurance. I get good-”

“No,” Jake sneered, “We agreed when we… we agreed when we divorced I would put the kids on my insurance plan because it’s cheaper.”

“Yes, but if this means compromising Ella’s care-“

“It’s not compromising anything!” Jake snapped causing Y/N to jump a bit in her seat. He scrubbed a hand down his face, “You got the kids and the house and everything else in the divorce. Let me help do this.”

Y/N nodded her head, “Fine,” She sighed, “We still have the rainy day fund.”

“Still not even going to make a dent in the payments,” Jake leaned back in his chair, “I’m tired of talking about this. How was Ella today?”

“Same as always,” Y/N shrugged, “Was fine in the morning before chemo, napped all afternoon and then threw up everything she ate. Her hair is becoming more of an issue for her… it’s becoming more noticeable.”

Ella’s hair had started to fall out as the weeks of chemo continued on. Jake and Y/N didn’t have the heart to shave it or cut it before Ella started therapy, wanting her to have the ability to make that decision for herself. But as the treatments went on, Ella’s confidence began to fade with each clump of hair that fell.

“Maybe we should just shave it,” Jake suggested as the tea kettle rang.

Y/N poured herself a mug, “No. She’s already losing so much autonomy over her own body. She should be the one who decides on her hair.”

“I hate to see her like that.”

“We all do,” Y/N took a sip of her tea, “But she was happy that Rooster and Dragon got to stay with her. Dragon mentioned something about watching Dateline.”

Jake chuckled, “Going to teach our four year old how to commit murder and get away with it.”

“She’s been stealing cookies and getting things she wants outta you since she was born.”

Jake couldn’t help it, he was a sucker for those big green eyes.

Silence fell over the two of them. It was moments like these where things almost felt normal between Jake and Y/N. Like the past two years had been a fever dream. That they had never spent a day apart. But then reality settled back in, and the awkwardness filled the air.

“I’m going to bed,” Y/N said, clearing her throat, “I put clean towels back in the guest room.”

“Thank you,” Jake nodded his head, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Night, Jake.”

— — —

When Ella was born, she had a full head of dark curly hair. Y/N knew that she was going to have hair from all the heartburn she had experienced through the whole nine months. In fact, that was the first thing the doctor had called out in the middle of delivering the Seresin girl.

“oh gosh! she’s got a full head of hair!”

Y/N had always dreamed of having a little girl with gorgeous long hair, and she had been lucky to get just that. She couldn’t wait until Ella was old enough to sit up and her hair long enough that she could braid it and style it. Ella always had perfectly done hair when Y/N dropped her off for daycare. Ella liked to show off her matching bows or the intricate braid that her mother did to her classmates and teacher.

Miles had told them one of the most common side effects of chemotherapy was the loss of hair. Y/N thought maybe, just maybe, Ella wouldn’t lose her hair. They had gotten through the first week of treatment without any hair loss. But then week two rolled around, and it was the worst week of Ella Seresin’s life.

“Mommy! My hair!” Ella cried as she stood fresh out of the shower, with a clump of hair in her hands. Y/N did all she could to try and soothe her child as she pulled on the ends of her hair, more stands coming out.

“I know, baby,” Y/N fought back tears, “I know. It’ll be okay.”

For weeks, Y/N and Jake watched as Ella’s hair grew thinner and thinner. They switched from using a brush to using a wide tooth comb, hoping to save some of the frail strands of hair on her head. Ella knew that most kids on the floor didn’t have hair or wore fake hair. She knew that eventually, she would look like them.

“Do you want strawberry or cherry jello for lunch?” Y/N asked as she looked over the hospitals menu choices for today. Y/N wasn’t sure if it was because of stress but the hospital food wasn’t actually that bad. Plus, Val had kept Ella’s room stacked with snacks.

“Mommy,” Ella said.

“Yes, baby?” Y/N asked, putting the menu down and looking at her daughter, “What’s up, buttercup?”

“I want to cut my hair.”

“What?” Y/N was taken aback by her daughter’s words. Ella was wise beyond her years but this shocked Y/N to hear.

“I want to cut my hair. It keeps falling,” Ella said, touching her thinning hair.

Y/N nodded her head, “Of course, baby. We’ll do it tonight, when dad gets here. That sounds okay?” Ella nodded her head, a bright smile on her face, “Now, how about that jello.”

A couple of hours later, Jake was walking down the familiar bright colored walls of the children’s cancer ward. He always found it ironic that such a dark place was painted so brightly. Ella had only been there two months and already she had new neighbors on either side of her room. The cries of the parents haunted Jake at night and the images of little bodies being moved with sheets over their heads was enough to bring Jake to a panic. However, every time Jake walked closer to Ella’s door he was met with the beautiful sound of laughter. 

A smile graced Jake’s lips as he heard Ella’s laugh and that familiar snort that always made her laugh harder. But the moment he opened the door, his smile dropped. 

“Doctor Miles.” 

“Daddy!” Ella cheered and sat up in her bed, reaching out for her father. 

Jake walked over to her, greeting her with a hug and kissing her forehead, “How are you, bug?” 

“I’m good,” Ella nodded her head, laying back in her bed, “Doctor Miles is playing Bluey with me.” 

“I see that,” Jake looked over at Miles who was standing in the corner of the room now, “Where is Mommy?” 

“Sent her for a snack,” Miles answered, “She’s looking like the walking dead.” 

“Can we refrain from making death jokes?” Miles held back from rolling his eyes, “I’m here now, so you can go.” 

“I said I would wait here with Ella until-” 

“I’m her father and I say-” 

“You say nothing,” Y/N said, appearing in the doorway, “Thank you, Miles.” 

Miles nodded his head, “No problem, Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow, Ella, good job today.” He held his hand out for the little girl to give him a high five. 

Y/N waited a moment until Miles was out of the room before looking at Jake, “Really?” 

Jake just shrugged, “I had it under control.” 

“I’m sure,” Y/N sighed, walking over to Ella’s bed. The little girl curled up next to her mother almost instantly, “Do you want to tell your daddy what you want to do today?” Ella nodded her head and then looked at Jake. 

“I want to cut my hair.” 

Jake’s eyes widened as he looked from Ella to Y/N, “You do?” Ella nodded her head again. 

“The nurses brought some clippers and stuff earlier. I-I’ve never cut anyone’s hair so I-”

“I got it,” Jake answered, “I was cuttin’ boys’ hair in the bay at boot camp.” 

 “Okay,” Y/N said, feeling the familiar burn of tears in her eyes, “You ready, Elles?” 

“Yes!” Ella said, a bright smile on her face. 

Both Y/N and Jake walked with Ella to the bathroom where a nurse had brung in clippers, scissors, a razor, shaving cream and a step stool. Ella stepped up on the stool, looking at herself in the mirror that was covered with pink and purple flowers. Y/N leaned against the doorway, watching as Jake got everything set up, occasionally making funny faces in the mirror to make Ella laugh. 

“Gonna start now, are you sure this is what you want?” Jake asked his daughter. Ella nodded her head, “Okay. Here we go.” Both Y/N and Jake took a deep breath as he grabbed a lock of Ella’s hair and lifted the scissors. The sound of the shears closing together made the loudest sound Y/N had ever heard as a lock of brown went tumbling down to the ground. 

“You cut it!” Ella gasped. Jake’s heart pounded in his chest, then it relaxed as her giggles filled the room, “Do it again!” 

Jake looked at his wife through the mirror, seeing her red eyes but the smallest smile on her face, “Let’s keep going.” 

After every snip of the scissors, Ella giggled which made the whole situation somewhat better. Eventually Jake got to the point where he had to use the clippers. He gently moved them over her head, watching as the final pieces of hair fell from her head. 

“What do you think?” Jake asked, as he set the razor down in the sink. It was quiet for a moment as Ella looked herself over in the mirror. 

“My head is cold,” She said. 

Y/N chuckled as she stepped into the bathroom, walking up behind her daughter, “We’ll get you a hat or two or-” 

“Three!” Ella held up three fingers. Ella turned to face her mom, “Momma, don’t cry.” 

“I’m sorry, baby,” Y/N said, as Ella wiped a finger away from her cheek, “How about we take a shower and then watch a disney movie?” 

“Princess and The Frog! Daddy! Will you stay?” 

Y/N looked at Jake, who was cleaning up the hair around the bathroom, “Yeah. Of course. Let me finish cleaning this up, and I'll sneak down to the nurses lounge to make popcorn.” 

“Thank you,” Y/N said, sincerity in her voice, “Let’s get cleaned up, Elles.” 

A strange feeling settled over Jake’s chest as he watched his wife and daughter. A strange feeling that maybe, just maybe. . . things will be alright.

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[loliwrites]

September: Beast of Burden

part two of fountain of sorrow

⇢ pairing: javier peña x f!reader  ⇢ rating: explicit, 18+ minors dni  ⇢ chapter warnings/tags: set between s2 & s3, early/mid ‘90s, single mother [reader has a young daughter][child won’t play a massive role], SMUT, oral [m&f receiving], unprotected p in v sex, blink and you’ll miss it anal play, choking, hair pulling, brief cum eating, one single solitary spank, cigarettes [are bad for you], post-sex photos, terms of endearment [querida], female reader, no physical description, protective!javi, no use of y/n. ⇢ word count: 5.0k ⇢ series masterlist ⇢ a/n: javi fully in his slut era. but the slut to girl dad pipeline is impending ❤️

The final month of summer was punctuated by more than Labor Day and fading heat. This year was marked by the bruises of fresh hickeys on your neck and chest, and the scratches you’d carved down Javier’s back. Emphasized by the lazy mornings that followed; all strong black coffee and subdued yearnings for lust that never went unanswered. You had come to learn that the rumors that trickled through The Tack Room about him – the ones that hung heavy and muggy in the air, like the inside of your car, steaming up the windows – were all true. A good time guy. Hung like a horse. Insatiable. The best goddamn lay ever.

Truthfully, you hadn’t had the wherewithal to pay much attention to the rumors before sleeping with him. There wasn’t the time to. In a world consumed with a day job that led into a weekend job and virtually single handedly raising a child, you weren’t afforded to pay too close attention to the local gossip about the playboy man-child. It seemed every other woman in town was talking about it enough for the whole lot. And though you were certainly hearing of the whispers at The Tack Room, it still didn’t dawn on you to pay close attention. Javier Peña, despite being the son of a cherished and valued member of Laredo, didn’t have the same distinction. He’d come back into town like a hurricane, whipping up the wind and rain, leaving broken windows and hearts in his path. And hell, a guy willing to fill the early hours of your weekend mornings and not take up any of your other already limited free time, was welcome. Especially the guy who was giving you the orgasms all these other women were reminiscing about. 

“I haven’t seen him. He keeps giving me excuses. Working on his dad’s ranch or something.”

The last bit of gossip you needed before clocking out that Friday night. A little dagger you could take and sink in between Javier’s ribs. Twist and turn, nicking arteries on the way. See, Javier could have any woman he so much breathed in the direction of. The line stretching through town seemed unending, all trying to get a glimpse of his attention. A glimmer of love for the night. What these women didn’t know, and why you only pursed your lips and smiled to yourself, was you knew why they weren’t hearing from him anymore. It hadn’t been intentional. There wasn’t some grand plan to get him off the market. In fact, there generally wasn’t too much meaningful conversation. But he spent most days of the week working in the sun, doing hard manual labor that was a far cry from his previous life in the DEA (not that he ever spoke about it to you), and his Friday night, Saturdays, and Sundays had been spent balls deep in you, knocking your head into the headboard. At least for the last month it had been.

You pushed through the heavy metal back door of The Tack Room and slung your purse over your shoulder. Hooking a left outside the door, the first thing you saw was the orange glow of his cigarette. The smoke wafted upward, curling around his nose and cheeks, obscuring the rest of his head like a shroud for the dead. He was leaned back against the brick wall in a relaxed posture. If only the women inside knew the man they were fawning over was just a handful of yards away from them. Better than that, you knew he had been for nearly an hour. While there wasn’t any intention in keeping him to yourself, you felt it important to know he was wrapped around your finger. And for him to know it, too. 

“Thought you were quitting,” you smirked, plucking the cigarette out from between his fingers. You brought it up to your lips for a puff. When he stepped closer, you blew the smoke out in his direction.

“You too,” he snatched it back and set it back between his lips. “Also thought you said you were off at eleven.”

You didn’t need to look at a clock to know you were an hour late. Wrapped around your finger. “I like things that are bad for me. And I thought I was,”

Turning for your car, you heard his boots clicking on the pavement behind you. Always in tow. You didn’t have to look behind you to know he was taking one last, long puff from the cigarette, holding onto the smoke and nicotine; one last hit of this drug before moving onto the next. He threw it to the ground in front of him and smothered it out with his boot on his next step forward. He stood close behind you, waiting for you to unlock the car door. You turned on your heels once you pulled it open. Not much could be said for Javier’s virtues but once he had something, or rather someone, he wanted in his sights, his patience was unwavering.

He slung his forearm over the top of your car door. A slanted smirk crossing over his lips, eyes glinting in the moonlight. He didn’t have to say anything for you to know the smug thoughts going through his head. For as much as you had him wrapped around your finger, he knew you were wrapped around his too. Not too many women turned down Javier fucking Peña.

“I’m exhausted so you better make it quick tonight,” you cocked your head to the side, giving your best attempt at disinterest, knowing it wasn’t very convincing.

The smirk on his face broadened, fully aware of your blatant lie. If he’d learned anything over the past month, it was that you were never too tired for him. Never told him no in four weeks. He raised his hand and caressed your chin between his thumb and index finger, “sure, querida.” Those deft fingers stroked down to its point before dropping back to his waist.

Well, shit. You were no better than all those other women in the bar. Reminiscing about his touch, knowing they’d melt with the gentlest of acts. The warmth that spread through your stomach, inching down to your most inner parts was a testament to that. Another unconvincing glare in his direction was the last thing you did before you ducked into your car. He shut the door behind you and took a step back when you all but peeled out of the parking lot, in a race back to your home. But he waited until you were out of sight before he reached into his back pocket, grabbed his carton of cigarettes, and pulled a new one from it. Took his time lighting the damn thing before he spun and made back for his car. If only you’d known the lengths he was going to, to make you wait.

❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖ ❖

As much as you figured Javi was ruining other men for you, you knew you were ruining other women for him. However long this lasted (his reputation was evidence enough that this wasn’t someone meant for long term monogamy), you were taking up as much of his free time as he was taking up yours. Cocooned in this false sense of security. Bathed in a rush of dopamine and oxytocin. The last five weekends had all gone pretty much the same. Only a little variation in the order of events… positions… the absolute filth Javi whispered in your ear.

“You like having this tight, little pussy filled up, huh?”

“Look at me when you come,”

“Can you feel it, querida? My cock all the way up here,”

That last one was paired with his large hand wrapping around your stomach, fingers pressing in just below your belly button. What was even more astonishing was that yes, you could.

The nights always started with some form of pleasure for you. Long makeout sessions that had once been lost to adolescence were renewed with fervor. Lingering touches over the expanse of your body. Heavy handed things that ensured you felt the weight of his fingers long after they’d moved on. Along with the rumors of his exploits here in Laredo, there’d also been rumblings of what he’d gotten up to in Colombia. Not the nature or details of his job. But the details of his… extracurricular activities. And every night you found yourself in bed with Javi, those rumors started to sound more and more plausible.

And after the makeout sessions, Javi always oh so willingly dragged his mouth lower; lips giving attention to the skin his fingers had previously been responsible for. Never had to ask. Never had to convince him. He’d work down your body until he got to the apex of your thighs which had already spread to accommodate him. Hook those arms around your legs. Clutch those hands around your hips. And without fail – every single time – he’d take a long, deep inhale through his nose before his mouth set forth. First with his tongue broad and flat to your clit, rolling over it to warm you up (as if you needed it) before he gently closed his lips around it. He never questioned it. Never searched your eyes for reassurance that he was doing it to your satisfaction. He knew he was. Probably perfecting the move for the past fifteen plus years. If there was ever any anxiety about whether or not he was doing it well, that all vanquished by the time he migrated down further, to your entrance, lips and tongue working together to keep you on edge. The squeaks and moans that left your lungs didn’t leave anything up for debate. Worse, more than once, you noted the smug smirk he wore when he heard the noises from you. Face buried deep between your legs, tongue lapping and probing for entrance, and that fucking smirk was still obvious.

Like every man, he wasn’t one to turn down a blowjob. His eyes always seemed to light up when you started to inch your way down to his manhood. Eyes affixed to each of your movements. The way you started with soft kisses to the head of his cock. Always followed up by the tracing of the crown with your tongue before you let your lips kiss down his shaft. You were willing to take this slow – far slower than he probably would’ve preferred – but given the sheer amount of women he’d been with, his stamina was something else entirely. Raising a child didn’t exactly allow you the time or opportunity to get your stamina to the same level. But he never rushed you. Never pushed on the back of your head and forced you to stay with him down your throat. His hands were always present somewhere. Brushing your hair away from your face so he had a better view of the way his cock filled your mouth. Holding your hair in a ponytail to help set a rhythm whenever you started to veer off the path. Cupped beneath your chin, praising you. Look at you, champ. That mouth feels amazing, querida.

Going down on you was a standard occurrence. Whether or not he did it until you climaxed depended on the night. Most nights he was happy to stay there as long as he needed. Sometimes it was all that happened. Over and over again until your body couldn’t take anymore. Until your hand shot down and pressed back on the top of his head, trying to get some reprieve. Sometimes you couldn’t wait for him to be inside you, and though you appreciated his dedication, had to beg him to give you what you needed. It was something you’d learned quickly about Javier: with enough begging with the right amount of eyelash batting and pouting, you could get him to do just about anything you wanted. 

He was always slow with you to start. Never pressing too far too quickly. Always giving you the time to adjust to him; the cocky bastard knew genetics had heartily endowed him. Perhaps he did it just to get you to beg more. To fill you up. Harder. Deeper. And when he teased (or tortured) you enough and sunk fully into you, you always strained your ears for the sigh he released. It didn’t matter what position he had you in. There was always a steady exhale of pure contentment. A longing to remain just where he was, nestled deep in your heat. But he always managed to rile himself out of it. To get himself back on task. And only then would he allow himself to get lost in ecstasy. Tenderness wasn’t something you’d say was in Javi’s repertoire. Perhaps gentleness was reserved for someone else. He was there with one objective in mind: you get you both off. And if nothing else, Javier was very efficient at it.

On this night, like the others, he was quick hands and lips, and the pace he set once he was inside you made you really reconsider taking up a religion. You were face down on the bed, chest making contact with the mattress too. The only thing held up was your ass, thanks to Javier’s arm. Wrapped tightly around your hips to keep you up at an angle conducive for the debauchery he was committing. His other hand groped your fleshy backside, tugging and squeezing each time your anatomy fluttered around his length.

“Javi,” you whined breathlessly. Sweat beaded at your hairline, matting the strands to your face, making you feel even warmer.

He smiled to himself, thankful you weren’t in a position to see it. Normally that expression on him resulted in your hands flying at him to slap it off. “Yeah, querida,”

“You’re so good,”

“I know,” he grinned even harder to himself. And when that response had you pushing up on your arms to snap your gaze back to him, he released your ass and pushed your head back down to the mattress. Another smile passed over his lips; this one holding space for much more fondness. For he could get you, full of spice and vigor, to submit to him so easily. Willingly. “So good for me, querida. Get your hands back here, let me see how good you are.”

Without a moment of contemplation you reached back, more pressure on your chest and cheek as your hands went to obey him. Fingers latched onto your ass, replacing where his had just been, and you tugged softly to yourself, giving Javi the view he wanted. Unobstructed to watch his cock slide in and out of you, each thrust coating him a little bit more in your arousal and stretching you out. With his length filling one hole he set his thumb at the other. You choked on your breath at the feeling. Though he added no real pressure to push the digit in, there was just enough force that let you know he could. 

“Javi, m’gonna…”

You were being hauled up to your knees before you could catch your bearings. One moment you’re face down on the mattress and the next you were pulled up, your back pressed tightly to his chest. Your head tilted back and rested on his shoulders. Javier wrapped one arm around your waist to hold you down on him while the other snaked up over your breasts until his fingers found purchase around your throat. He squeezed tightly, smirking at the noise you let out.

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna come already,” he mocked, leaning in closer to nibble on your jaw. Knowing you were too blissed out to answer, he snapped his hips forward with a particularly hard thrust, “just like the way I fill you up, huh?”

Nodding wildly, digging your nails into his forearm around your waist was all you could manage for a moment before, “love it.”

He growled in your ear. “Yeah? Show me. Show me how much you love my cock,” he kept his pace steady despite his own breaths getting more labored. He wouldn’t be long behind you. “Come all over me, querida. Let me feel it,”

The command became your ultimate undoing. Your body shivered, tensed, and a cry tore through your throat. The muscles in your core squeezed and released his shaft in perfect rhythm, though it didn’t slow him at all. He fucked you through the orgasm that overtook you until you crumbled out of his arms and back to the bed. Javier followed you down, never fully slipping out of you before you were pinned between him and the bed. Each thrust forced a little more of your release out until you could feel the wetness it left behind each time your skin met his again.

“Javi,” you moaned with pure lust.

One of his hands planted on the bed beside you to give him enough space and leverage to keep up his ministrations, while the other went to the back of your head and grabbed a fistful of hair. He tugged your head back, catching the sexed out sight of you. Jaw slack, skin tacky with sweat. He almost lost it there without warning. Choked out a groan and furrowed his eyebrows as he held on for dear life.

“Fuck,” he spat. His game plan was to pull out and come over your ass. But then the feeling of your hand gripping into his hip, clutching into him and tugging to keep him forward on you, let him know you had other plans.

“Inside,” you gasped, pressing backward to keep your core as far down on his length as possible. “I want it inside,”

The muscles in his stomach and chest flexed. He bowed his head, “you’re gonna kill me.”

“Good,”

It was just one more snap forward. One last squeeze of your muscles to make the fit even tighter. He didn’t even have time to stick to his game plan even if he’d been so inclined. He buried himself as deep as he possibly could, coming inside you with an animalistic groan. Stuttered thrusts shot his load and then pumped it further into you. A bite landed on your neck as he finished, his length throbbing inside you, laying heavy. Still. The rest of his body laid heavy on you, too. Weight nearly suffocating on top of you, blocking out the rest of the world that wasn’t the feel of him and the scent of sex.

“Peña. Off,”

“Give me a goddamn second,” he huffed. There was no real anger or annoyance in his tone. Just the playful animosity for the use of his last name.

“I can’t breathe,”

“Got enough air to speak,” he exhaled. But he was quick to rouse when you clenched your core around his shaft, “okay, okay.” He backed himself up and looked down to watch as he pulled his length out of you, taking some of your shared release with him.

A whimper floated past your lips when he was completely unsheathed. The emptiness felt nearly unbearable. As if he could read your mind, he brought a hand to your center; nimble fingers collected the come that had leaked out of your spent hole. Then his middle and ring fingers pushed forward, spearing you yet again. Your legs shifted open to accommodate them. Another moan resulted from him curling the digits inside you, inching his come back inside you.

But his fingers left your gaping hole just as quickly as they’d entered it. And your eyes only opened from their comfortable rest when you felt his wet fingers on your lips. He was leaning over you again, eyes fixed on your mouth, waiting for you to obey him. You both knew you would. Keeping your gaze on him, you opened your mouth and wrapped your lips around his long, thick fingers. Tongue danced over them, licking away the come he’d collected. But he couldn’t let tenderness win, and instead of removing his fingers once you’d swallowed his offering, he pushed his fingers to the back of your mouth until you gagged on them.

You yanked on his wrist until he relented and pulled his fingers out of your mouth. “You’re an ass,”

He laughed and pushed himself off the bed. With a brief search, he located his boxer briefs and picked them up off the floor. But there was a pause. A moment where he just stood by the bed and stared at the form of your body. Stretched out on your stomach, laid out on display like some real-life work of art. But then you turned your head and spotted him, and all he could do was clear his throat and smack his hand down on your ass. “Best pussy I’ve had in awhile,”

You rolled your eyes and turned over just in time for him to throw his underwear at you before he left the room. Now left alone, with Javier walking naked through your home, you slid his underwear up your legs and settled the waistband around your hips. And as clothed as you were willing to get for now, you reached over for the nightstand and pulled the drawer open. Produced from it, the Polaroid camera.

Javier was already heading back down the hallway to your bedroom by the time you lifted the camera up and peered through the viewfinder. He had no time to conceal himself before you snapped the photo the moment he passed through the threshold. One hand held a glass of water up to his mouth. The other arm hung at his side. His manhood swinging between his legs. The photo printed and you set the camera aside. A disgruntled groan clued you in to the fact that he wasn’t particularly pleased you were taking another photo of him, but he no longer truly voiced his displeasure with it like he had the first time. For as much as the routine of your sex escapades became commonplace to you. This had become commonplace to him. Every single night you’d been together had resulted in you snapping at least one photo of him. Sometimes more, if you were lucky. Before sex, after sex… during sex. The collection you’d started of Javier Peña, DEA, would be something legends were made of.

He came back to bed and flopped down beside you, handing the glass of water over. You exchanged it for the new photo of him and took a sip of water while he admired the photo of himself. Never short on ego.

“What do you do with these?” He used the advantage of you having turned onto your side to set the glass on the nightstand to sidle up behind you. With his chest pressed tightly to your back, he held the photo out in front of you until you took it from him.

“I’m creating a mural in the women’s bathroom at The Tack Room,” then looking over your shoulder and offering him a wink, “the many faces of Javier Peña.”

“Don’t think anyone’s looking at my face,” his hold on your hip tightened.

You looked back at the photo – this one unfortunately had most of his face obscured by the glass of water. Feeling his teeth at the soft skin on your neck, you reached forward and tugged the nightstand drawer open again, “I am.”

He lifted his head again, but finding you’d already averted your gaze, followed the outstretch of your arm to where it dug through the drawer. It didn’t take long for you to find what you were looking for. It was placed in a spot all of its own; not mixed into the ever-growing pile of salacious portraits of him. “This one’s my favorite,” you rotated on your back and held the picture up so you could both gaze upon it.

You knew he’d question it. Going through the rolodex in your mind, you could pinpoint a handful of other pictures where he was objectively more handsome or more mysterious looking. Could think of any number where his manhood looked larger. Because this photo? It was simple. You’d left the room to retrieve the camera from your purse and had come back to him in this state. Snapped the picture before he could protest (like usual). And it was just so real.

Javi laid back on your bed, naked. A sheen of sweat over his face, neck, chest… hair skewed and wild. His member laid back against his stomach, no longer at its fully hard length, and he had one hand limply cupped over his balls. His other hand was splayed on his chest, fingers outstretched. Just prior to snapping the photo, you had noticed how he seemed zoned out. His eyes, unblinking and unfocused, staring off at nothing. Whatever he was seeing was no longer physically in front of him. You’d managed to get the photo in the same moment he looked up at you. His eyes, while now focused, were still heavy. Eyes that you had only ever seen as ravenously lust-filled, or overtly enigmatic, had given up their act. Forgotten they weren’t alone and had fallen to their true state. 

“M’not even smilin’ in that one,”

“S’why I like it,” you glanced over at him for the quickest of acknowledgement before returning your attention back to the photo. You ran your fingertip over the photographed version of his face, “your eyes look sad.” He traded in answering for pursing his lips together and you twisted over again to set the photo back in its rightful place. 

When you turned back, Javi was already getting out of bed. Done with his dutiful minutes of what could hardly be called cuddling, and was yet again looking for more of his clothes. You sat up too, familiar with this part of your dance. Rather impersonal sex, followed by rather impersonal and lackluster aftercare, completed by the awkwardness of him leaving though you knew you’d see him tomorrow night for the same song and dance.

“Can you do me a favor?” You asked, gaining confidence when he instantly looked at you, “if I ask you a question, can you answer me honestly?” He nodded, waited just a second before he snatched his jeans off the floor and worked them up his legs. The whole act caught you flustered. Those tight jeans worked up his thick thighs, over the swell of his ass. And the way they cradled his bulge… it had you salivating. “What’d you do for the DEA in South America?”

Javi sucked in a deep breath through his nose and held it. He wondered how much you’d overheard his dad share at different points… or how much his dad had blatantly told you. He adjusted himself in his jeans and then rested that hand on his hip. “Chased Pablo Escobar,”

It was a name you’d heard in the news here and there in mentions of the war on drugs. But all things considered, Pablo Escobar seemed like a character from fairy tales. His name, while known, held no bearing in Laredo.

“Did you catch him?”

“No,”

“Then why’d you come home?”

Javi ignored the question and bent back down to pick his shirt up off the floor. “That’s more than one question,”

“Then answer one more for me,” you cocked your head to the side. He flicked his eyes back to you. “Are you fucking me for information?”

He cocked his head to match yours, “do you have information?”

“No,”

“Then no, I’m not.” He slid his shirt over his hand. Eyebrows furrowed when he looked back at you, “what’d you hear?”

“Surprisingly not the moans of every prostitute in Colombia,” you snickered, though Javi looked less than impressed.

He shook his head and ran a hand over his mouth. “Look, every woman wants to know what I do– what I did for work, and truth is, it doesn’t matter. Not to this. And whatever you think you’ve heard,” he rounded the bed with shoes in hand and came up upon your side, making you feel smaller than you ever had before. “I paid those women for information, not for sex. The money was always exchanged afterward,”

“That doesn’t matter,”

“It does if you’re a prostitute,” he sat down on the edge of the bed and fiddled to put his shoes on. 

You crawled up behind him and wrapped your arms over his shoulders. Buried your face in his neck and gave him soft kisses there. “I’m just trying to get to know you. You know, since you’re at my house every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night; the nights my kid’s conveniently with her grandmother, and you’re fucking me three ways to Sunday, so I just thought…”

“Well don’t,” he looked over his shoulder. The coldness of his gaze had you inching back off him. “Don’t complicate this by bringing up DEA stuff. I’m enjoying sleeping with you. I think you’re enjoying it, too. And I’d like to continue enjoying it with you instead of the other women in town… fuckin’ insufferable.”

“That’s not nice,” you tried to hide your grin. The other women were… rough. All hoping to get dicked down by the infamous Javier Peña but lacked all real substance.

“You think we can keep doing this without talking about Colombia?”

You nodded, relenting. He had his walls up. Tall, strong, and fortified. You figured they’d never been let down for anyone. Or worse… they had and it had gone terribly wrong. Javi pulled you out of your thoughts with a peck to your lips. Very noncommittal, and stood up from the bed, heading for your door.

“What time are you off tomorrow?”

Your eyes followed him, still reeling, “eleven.”

“Actually eleven, or are you lyin’ to me again?”

“Actually eleven,”

Satisfied, he turned his back to you and headed off down the hallway. You’d follow after him in a couple minutes, long after he was gone, to lock your front door again. But right now, he walked down the hallway alone, “see you tomorrow, querida.”

#javier pena x reader #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena x you #javier pena narcos #javier pena x female reader #javier pena x f!reader #javier pena smut #javier pena angst #javier pena fluff #narcos fanfiction #narcos fic #javier pena fic #ppcu #ppcu fanfiction

[nonotnolan]

Cuerpo Inc: After Hours Perk

“Look, dude... I know you’re not really Jake.  The sooner you drop the act, the sooner we can have an actual conversation between us.”  I tried not to any trace of fear reach my smile as Jake’s neighbor continued to stare me down, his arms folded across his chest.  Thomas was right, of course-- Jake and I had swapped bodies with each other a few hours ago.  I wanted to take advantage of the pool in Jake’s suburban backyard, and he wanted to take advantage of my downtown apartment to have a few nights out on the town.  It wasn’t specifically against the rules, but since the office frowned upon non-work swapping we had promised each other that we were going to keep it on the downlow.  Did he know about Jake’s job?  He probably knew about Jake’s job..

“Why would...?  Thomas, my man... it’s the weekend!  Why the hell would I swap bodies over the weekend?”  I gave him a playful shove on the shoulder, like I had seen Jake do to so many of our coworkers back at the office.  “I spend enough time during the work week swapping bodies with people so that my company doesn’t have to pay for airfare.  After a solid week of swaps across the country, I’m gonna be spending the weekend in my own body, thank you very much.”

Thomas simply shook his head at me.  “Yeah, I dunno, man... being Jake’s neighbor, I can’t help but notice a few things.”  Jake had warned me that his neighbor on the other half of the duplex was weirdly nosy, but this was a special kind of intrusive that I hadn’t prepared myself for.  “It seems like Jake always swaps bodies with someone on Fridays, and he doesn’t swap back until Sunday afternoon or so.  Not everyone who wears that body is as good as pretending to be Jake as you are, stranger.”

His benign acceptance of Jake’s body swapping habits was starting to make me question just how often Jake was swapping bodies outside of work hours.  Jake swore that he only swapped once every few months, but there was no way Jake’s neighbor would be this suspicious if that were true.  “I’m not pretending, it’s really me in here!” I said, laughing as I slapped my chest for emphasis.  There really wasn’t any reason for me to double down on this lie, but... telling Thomas the truth felt like giving up, and I wasn’t about to take that loss.  “I’m Jake, dammit!  What do I have to do to prove it to you?”

“Take your shirt off,” he said, staring me down with a shit-eating grin.

I couldn’t help but laugh.  There had to be a catch, but I had no idea what it could possibly be.  Better to try and just bluff my way through it.  “You’re such a weirdo-- you know that, right?”  I peeled my tank-top off over my shoulders, trying to mimic the body language I’d seen Jake use before.  I wadded it up and tossed it over my shoulder, making sure to maintain eye contact with him as I did so.  “Are you happy, now, Thomas?  Do you believe me?”

He just smiled at me as his shit-eating grin got even wider.  “Quite the opposite, stranger.  The HOA around here gets very angry about partial states of undress, so the real Jake wouldn’t go shirtless unless he was behind a fence.  So.  Let’s head over into Jake’s backyard so we can talk about this further.  What is your name?”

“Gah, fine.  My name is Ethan,” I said, shaking my head.  Not that it really mattered that Thomas had figured out that I was lying, but it still felt weird that he cared so much.  I made my way toward the gate, and gestured him through.  Jake’s backyard had a nice, tall wooden privacy fence to keep the pool hidden from view, and there was a patio area with a few plastic beach chairs set up near a cheap outdoor table.  I’d expected Thomas to be gloating-- it’s what I would have done after calling out someone’s lies like that-- but instead he was typing away on his phone.

“Is this you?” Thomas asked, holding up a picture of a guy in a suit.  More to the point, it was a photo of me wearing a suit.

It took me a bit to figure out when that photo had been taken.  “Yeah, that’s my body,” I said, staring back at Thomas.  I wasn’t sure why he had a photo of me, but I didn’t see much point in trying to lie anymore.  “Assuming it’s a recent photo, that was probably taken last Wednesday.  I swapped with a guy out in Milwaukee who needed to be local, and he needed someone who was wearing something a bit nicer than business casual.”  It was a part of my job as an Accountant / Host.  Since my job was 100% virtual, my workplace also expected me to swap bodies with anyone who needed to be local for an important meeting.  I’d gotten used to filling out spreadsheets while wearing someone else’s body a long time ago, but not everyone was used to Cuerpo Inc’s casual approach to body swapping.  Maybe Thomas was one of them?

“Just thought you should know, he’s using a photo of you on his Grindr profile,” Thomas said, handing me his phone.  Sure enough, there was my name and my face on a profile littered with peach emojis, declaring that I was a hungry bottom eager for a hung daddy.  Well, that explained why he had a photo of my body.  “Jake does this a lot,” he added.  “He’ll find a guy with a young face and a slender build, and then spend the weekend knee deep in gay sex.  So, when your ass hurts on Monday, that’s why.”

“I appreciate the warning,” I said, giving Thomas his phone back.  “I’m a gay man myself, so I’m not too bothered by it, but... it is the sort of thing Jake should have told me before we swapped.”  I have to admit, I was not expecting Jake to be into that kind of thing.  When he told me he wanted to spend the weekend out on the town, I really did just assume he was going to get super drunk in my body.  Jake usually carried himself as a man’s man around the office, talking about beers, sports, or his most recent fishing trip.  True, he never mentioned a wife, but I assumed that meant he got burned in a divorce or something.  A thought occurred to me as I looked closer at Thomas.

“I can’t help but notice that you also have a Grindr profile,” I said, slipping my hands into my waistband.  “Perhaps you would like to enjoy me for some fun out here by the poolside?  Seems like this fence would give us a lot of privacy...”

Thomas stepped forward, close enough that I could feel the heat of his breath hitting my chest.  “So let me get this straight.  I come here to warn you about Jake’s plans to have sex inside of your body, and you decide to... try and have sex inside of his body instead?”

I looked down at him, staring directly into his eyes.  “I suppose that is exactly what I’m doing, yes.”  It was my turn to stare at Thomas with a wide grin.  “It only seems fair, after all.  What’s good for my body must also be good for his.  And I can’t help but notice that you haven’t turned me down.”

He responded by placing his hands on my shoulders.  “Well, now.  I suppose I haven’t.  But do you really think it would be a good idea for me to fool around with my neighbor’s body while he’s not inside of it?”

I responded by grabbing one of his hands, and sliding it down to one of Jake’s pierced nipples.  “I just asked if you wanted to join me.  Who said it was going to be a good idea?”  

#male body swap #gay body swap #cuerpo inc #casual body swap #after the swap

[f1goat]

fwb x lando norris - part nine

In which you decide to become friends with benefits with Lando Norris, that can't be a bad idea right?

playlist x masterlist

part one part two part three part four part five part six part seven part eight

Days have passed quickly. You have spend most of them together with Lando. Since your first date, if you can call it that, you have done multiple things with Lando in public. You had dinner together, went shopping together, had lunch with Kelly and Max and now you’re getting to the airport together. It’s time for another race week. 

Your social media has been blowing up lately. You’re getting mixed reactions from many formula one fans around the world. A lot of people seem to think that you and Lando are dating. Even you sometimes think that the two of you are doing things that are normally done by dating couples. You can’t blame the fans for thinking it. You’re getting more positive reactions then negative ones. You know it’s not the smartest idea to read the comments, but still.. You can’t help it. 

A few so called ‘gossip or juice channels’ have posted pictures from you and Lando from the last days. Asking fans about their opinion. You are scrolling through the different comments. Seeing comments from different people. 

Ln4x2023: isn’t she Georges ex? Some people do everything for a bit of fame

Norrisfan: the way he looks at her is so cute

f1_rumors: they look so happy together 

Comments are going on and on. There are more mean ones, calling you a gold digger, a friend hopper, a slut and even more disgusting things. But there are also a lot of sweet ones. People seem to love you and Lando together. For the first time, you don’t feel bad after reading this many comments. 

You and Lando are sitting in the backseat of the car together. A chauffeur is driving you two towards the airport. You are leaning against Lando, he’s playing with your hair in the mean time. It’s nice to sit this close together. 

Because of all the reactions on social media, you can’t seem to shake of the thoughts about you and Lando dating. A lot of people think that you two are dating. You want to date him. How did you end up in a situation like this? You should never became friends with benefits. 

Maybe you should tell Lando about your feelings for him. Maybe it’s time to do the right thing? Or maybe you should just back off and let Lando go. He can’t be interested in you as well, right? 

**

“I swear Lan, the last days he has been impossible,” you whine.

It’s Saturday evening. You and Lando are spending some time together in Lando his hotel room. Race weekend is passing by quickly. The last days have been awful for you. Your job has made it impossible to ignore George. Meaning he has all the time to tell you all about his nonsense. You even think about quitting earlier, maybe like tomorrow. You can’t work like this anymore.

“He keeps talking about us getting back together,” you tell Lando, “and he consistently tries to touch me.” 

“Touch you?” Lando asks. He notices that his voice has raised a bit. He feels himself getting mad. George is trying to touch you? He has multiple questions. How is George trying to touch you?

“Yeah, just simple contact but it’s annoying. He’s trying to grab my hand or to support my back while walking together, or he touches my hair or face when I’m shooting content,” you explain to Lando. 

Lando feels himself getting even more mad. It annoys him. Why does George think he can touch you like that? It worries him. Why is George still trying to get you back? 

**

That Sunday morning Lando has had it. He is annoyed. He is frustrated. He is mad. He can’t even focus on the thought that he’s suppose to race in a few hours. His qualifications went well, he can start from third place. But he can’t focus on those thoughts. He can only focus on you and George. He knows it’s your job to stay close to George on race weekends, but he’s incredibly annoyed by it. 

He keeps paying attention to you and George. He sees the way George keeps looking at you. He notices George his movements. You were more then right yesterday evening. George keeps trying to touch you. He notices that you move yourself away in weird positions to avoid the Mercedes driver. Lando notices the uncomfortable look on your face. 

At one point he’s so annoyed that he can’t stand the sight of it anymore. Lando knows he isn’t doing something smart right now. But he can’t stop himself from walking over to you and George. When he gets closer to the two of you he hears you talking to George. 

“George stop being annoying,” he hears you tell George, “and stop touching me all the fucking time. Don’t touch me.” 

Lando can’t even think straight. He sees George reaching out to you again. He hears the disturbing words coming from George his mouth. 

“I know you like it,” George says, “and maybe I like it more when you act like this.”

Lando can’t stop himself. All of him is focused on one thing. Getting George away from you. He gets a bit more close to you and George. He softly grabs your shoulders, showing you that he’s here. He moves himself in between you and George. Standing towards you with his back. All of his attention is on George. Who’s already talking shit. 

“Ah there’s lover boy once again,” George says. “Did you already figure it out? That she doesn’t want you?” 

Lando almost sees red at this point. 

“She still wants me you know,” George continues, “She’s never going to want you.”

Maybe he is this angry because he knows a part of George his words are true. You probably don’t want him. He knows for sure that you also don’t want George, but what are the chances that you want him? They are probably really low. 

“Don’t listen to him Lando, let’s go,” you tell Lando. It’s almost as if he doesn’t hear you. All of his attention is focused on George. 

“You know it’s true.. You can try all you want, but she would never want you,” George goes on. 

Lando doesn’t think anymore. The feeling of anger waves over him. He just acts. He gets ready to do something he has want to do for a while now. He moves his arm a bit backwards. Getting ready to punch George. 

“Lan, don’t,” you quickly say, you grab Lando his arm. 

“Y/N let go, I’m giving him exactly what he deserves for acting like this to you,” Lando mutters angry. 

You don’t let go of Lando his arm. Your grip firms. You won’t let him do something that George wants. You turn around, getting yourself to face Lando. Lando looks annoyed at you. His gaze keeps telling you that he wants you to let go of him, that he wants to fight George. 

“How romantic,” George says, “she doesn’t want you to punch me. See, she still cares.”

Maybe he’s going to do something stupid. Maybe he will give you a reason to get really mad at him. It’s probably dumb what he’s going to do, but he can’t seem to stop himself. Lando wants, no needs, to show George how it’s actually going. He will show him who’s the one that can touch you. 

Lando stops thinking about it. He grabs you and pulls you closer to himself. When you’re standing in front of him, he notices your surprised look. 

“What’s one more rule?” He asks you with a small smile. Hoping you will get it. 

He presses his lips against yours. 

You don’t know what’s happening. How did a simple workday end up with Lando his lips pressed against your own in front of George? You can’t help yourself. You can’t deny yourself kissing him back. He wraps his arms around your body, deepening the kiss. You let it happen. You would be stupid to deny him. But you know all about the impact this stupid move will have.

It’s a short kiss, but it’s more then enough to show George how things are going. George pulls your arm. Getting you away from Lando. 

“Do you actually think he will make you happy?” He asks you angry. You simply nod. George doesn’t know about anything that’s happening between you and Lando. You are not going to spill any details. Lando just did enough by kissing you in front of George. 

“You’re so fucking stupid,” George says, “You could have had it all and you’re choosing for someone like him. Idiot. You could have had a champion, but you’re choosing for the McLaren driver who will never make it. Way to go Y/N.” 

“Could have had a manipulative asshole who thinks of himself as the best, but she chose for someone who thinks of her as the best. Seems like a great decision,” Lando interrupts George, “Come on babe, let’s go.”

You don’t know what to do. What the fuck has just happened? You decide to follow Lando. It’s the better option after all. You don’t want to be close to George right now. Lando takes you with him to the McLaren garage, dragging you into his dressing room with him. 

“What was that Lando?” You ask, “We have rules you know.. Like not telling George.” 

“Yeah just like we don’t do stuff in public, hold our distance on race weekends and are not getting feelings involved,” Lando huffs annoyed, “The only rule that we’re following is that we’re exclusive.” 

“What are you saying?” You ask.

“I’m saying that we never did something with those rules,” Lando explains a bit less annoyed then before, “and George deserved it. I’m glad I broke that rule.”

Lando doesn’t get it. Of course he doesn’t, you think tiredly. He just put you in to one of the most awkward situations ever. You understand him and his actions, but you’re afraid that he doesn’t understand the way it feels for you. It feels like your some weird price in the drama between the two boys. You don’t even know why Lando is fighting with George this much. You know for sure something else happened between the boys. But what? You don’t understand why he wants to show George that he’s good enough for you. It’s weird. 

“What about me Lando?” You ask. 

Lando looks at you. You can see from his face that he doesn’t understand your question. 

“Do you even know how this feels for me? I feel like I am some sort of stupid prize in a fight between you and George,” you tell him, “and I don’t even know about why you’re fighting. I know George is talking about me, but it isn’t logical for you to act like this. We’re not dating, we’re not in a relationship. Why are you accepting this much trouble for our situation? It can’t be all about me.” 

You should know, Lando thinks. All of this is about you. Everything is about you, even before the situation between you two started, it has always been about you. But he doesn’t tell you that, he waits for you to continue.

You take a deep breath before continuing. “And because of this everyone will probably hate me once again. Do you even realize what you did?”

Lando his expression changes. You notice it directly. He seems to realize the words you’re saying. Finally. 

“I think we both need to think about this situation,” you tell Lando, “because I don’t know if it’s smart to continue it. Not like this for sure.”

Your last words cause a small tear that quickly rolls down over your cheek. You feel the wet trace from it. You don’t want to end your thing with Lando, but this is as much proof that you’re gonna get that it’s not smart what you’re doing. You know that Lando probably meant this in a nice way, that he wanted to protect you. But still, why kiss you in front of George? Maybe you let your feelings get the best of you. Maybe you were just a object for both boys to use in their fight. 

You wait for a reaction from Lando. You can see that he’s lost in his own thoughts. 

“Maybe you’re right,” Lando sighs after a while, “maybe it’s better to stop.” 

Another tear rolls down your cheek. Quickly followed up by another. And another. You try to hold them it, but it’s no use. You wipe away a few tears. Why is this so hard? You don’t dare to look at Lando. You don’t want him to notice your tears. 

Lando doesn’t need you to look at him to notice your reaction. He lets out a soft sigh. This is his fault. All of this is his fault. He should have never started this whole friends with benefits thing. He knew all this time that it would blow up in his face because of his feelings for you. He messed up. He doubts about his options. Maybe it would be better to let you leave and ignore you for a while. It would be better for you, you should forget about him. He wants nothing more than to pull you close to himself and comfort you. But he doesn’t know if you want that. 

He knows one thing. He doesn’t want this to stop. He will do whatever it takes to make his contact with you continue. 

You take one small look at Lando. It’s enough to see that he’s struggling as well. Maybe you both don’t want this to end? 

“Lan?” You ask softly. Lando looks up at you, waiting for you to continue your question. “Do you want to stop?” You ask. 

“Of course not,” Lando answers quickly. 

You let out a soft relieved sigh. Of course, this makes it only harder. But it’s nice to know that Lando also wants to continue this weird thing with you. There is a knock on the door, a female voice is telling Lando that he has five more minutes before he needs to get in to the car. You almost forgot that Lando still needs to race. Fuck. Why did you start a conversation like this before the race? You probably got him out of his concentration. 

“I just realized this isn’t the best timing for a conversation like this,” you tell Lando a bit guilty, “I’m sorry. Should have thought about your race earlier.”

“It doesn’t matter. You can’t do anything about that. But I do need to get going now,” Lando says. 

You stand up with him. Lando keeps looking at you. You don’t know what to say. This is one of the most awkward situations you have ever experienced. 

“Good luck with the race Lan,” you say after a bit. 

“Can you do one thing for me?” Lando asks. You realize that he’s untying his sweater from his hips. He hands you the sweater. You recognize it directly. It’s the same sweater as before. His surname big on the back, his number all over it. The papaya McLaren color. You grin and accept the sweater from him. You don’t even think about pulling it over your head, quickly putting it on. 

“And maybe a good luck kiss?” Lando suggests, “On the cheek of course.” He quickly follows, not wanting you to do anything you’re not comfortable with right now.

“That are two things,” you laugh. You move yourself closer to Lando. You doubt a few seconds about what you want to do. Eventually you place a small kiss on his lips. 

“Let’s talk further after the race, okay?” Lando suggests while opening the door. You nod. Together you walk out. You think about a couple things and decide to do one of them directly. You tell Lando another success and a goodbye, before returning to the Mercedes garage. 

**

Only ten minutes - and a harsh conversation with Toto - later you are free to go wherever you want. You decide to search for Kelly, if you were right she was also somewhere around the track today. You’re glad about your decision to leave Mercedes already. You don’t even know why you stayed there for so long. It’s time to move on with your life. 

It’s time to get a new exciting job, to leave George Russell and Mercedes behind you for good and to fix your situation ship with Lando. It’s time for honesty. When you talk with him again, it’s time to tell him the absolute truth. 

#lando norris #ln4 #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris fanfiction #f1

[yoongiseesawmp3]

amazing grace - psh (m)

part of the church boy series. 

summary: you’re spending the summer at home after finishing school and you somehow get dragged into handling the baby nursery at church for the next two months. the only thing sweeter than the babies is your co-worker, park seonghwa. 

word count: 10k 

warnings: smut! i tried my best to keep language gender neutral but afab!reader and smutty smut smut. some language. little slow burn-y? breeding kink a little bit? sorry. oral (f receiving) and uhhh unprotected sex pls don’t do that! and a lil gagging. lmk if i need to tag anything else. mostly unedited also!

“okay, i know i said i needed a transition job, but this is not what i meant,” you tell your mother, who just explained “the best idea” to you.

basically, she wants you to move back home for the summer and babysit all the kids from your church. some of these kids were made by classmates and friends of yours, and this feels like a slight dig by your mom that you haven’t made any grand-babies yet. she said the pay was decent, and the job is yours if you’re willing to live back at home for a month or two while you wait for your connections to finesse a job for you. 

“c’mon, y/n, you’d be really good at it,” your mom insists. “i always thought you’d be a great teacher, so this can be a way for you to try it out.” 

“i don’t know mom,” you say. “this just doesn’t align with the plan i had for myself.” 

“well i know that,” your mom scoffs. “i’m just saying...if nothing better comes along....:

“i’ll consider it,” you assure her, putting her at ease for the time being. she moves on to complaining about some family drama, and you start to zone out, catching yourself thinking about how bad the nursery job really would be.

-

that following sunday, you wake up to your phone ringing. it’s still early, and it’s the weekend, so you decide to ignore it and try to fall back asleep. the buzzing stops and your room is quiet for a moment before you feel another vibration alerting you of a voicemail. worried that it could be something about a job opportunity, you grab your phone and play the voicemail without checking the number. 

“hello? uh, hi, y/n,” a man’s voice begins. “this is seonghwa, from church. i uh, i saw that you might be interested in the open nursery job? so i was calling about that. if you have any questions, you can just call me, and maybe we can meet to discuss the position. i think you’d really like it, so i hope you get in touch soon. ok. um. that’s it. alrighty. bye.” 

seonghwa? park seonghwa? like the guy you had a big ass crush on from age ten to eighteen park seonghwa? just the thought of him working with babies is enough to make you swoon. maybe this is a sign that you shouldn’t take the nursery job after all, even though you’d convinced yourself to do it for a few months at least. 

then again...it’s been a while since you’ve seen seonghwa, so maybe those childhood feelings won’t resurface and it won’t be as endearing to see him with babies as you’re imagining. you decide to sleep on it a little more, and plug your phone back in before you roll over and go back to sleep with babies and seonghwa on the brain. 

-

“y/n!” your mom yells, obviously using the spare key you gave her very freely. she let herself into your apartment on her way home from church because she had news.

so, yes, maybe she mentioned the whole baby nursery thing to you because she wants to light a fire under your ass about having grandkids, but she knows an easy job around some cute babies will help cheer you up after finishing up your final semester and an internship without any job prospects. but this morning, the most curious thing happened.

she was sitting in her pew after church, chatting with friends, when a handsome young man came up to her asking about you of all people. he said his name was seonghwa and that you were friends back in high school, so he was really excited when he heard you were interested in the nursery job. he said he called you but you didn’t pick up (which is typical) and he wanted to know if your mom could relay the message that he really hopes you take the job. so of course, she had to come tell you immediately. now, she won’t admit that she’s already got your wedding planned with this young man, but she does have venues bookmarked in her phone. just in case. 

you woke up a few minutes before she came over uninvited, so you were alive and dressed, thankfully. don’t need to hear a lecture from your mom about sleeping until noon as a grown adult. you grab your laundry basket on the way out to make it look like you’ve had a productive morning and go to greet your mother. 

“hey mom, thanks for the heads up,” you reply and she just rolls her eyes as she unpacks the food she brought over. 

“nice to see you too, sweetie,” she scoffs. “i have a bone to pick with you.”

“oh do tell.”

“do you remember seonghwa?” she asks, and it takes every ounce of strength in you to not audibly groan. 

“yeah, he called me about the position,” you say, skipping the part where your mother coos over how marry-able he is. “i was gonna call him back once church let out.”

“and have you?” she sing-songs back.

“no,” you reply in the same tone. “he’s probably still there with the kids so i was gonna give a few more minutes. and also, you’re here. it’s rude to take phone calls when you have guests.”

“i guess i’ll just have to get out of your hair then,” your mom says as she starts to pack up.

“you’re joking?” you ask incredulously. “you’ve never come over for such a short amount of time.”

“that was the plan the whole time,” she assures you. “i thought you might need some face to face encouragement to call that nice young man, and i didn’t want to feel bad about finishing this family size meal all by myself, so it was a successful trip.”

“thanks mom,” you grumble as you drop the facade of being productive and leave your laundry on the kitchen table in favor of picking at the fried chicken on your kitchen counter.

“call that boy!” your mom shouts as she lets herself out, and you promise that you will so she’ll leave faster.

-

you let a few days go by before you actually call seonghwa. part of you is hoping that you’ll hear from one of the many jobs you’ve applied for in your field, and the other part of you is trying to suppress the butterflies you get every time you think about seonghwa. you think you’ve finally got those under control, and your rent is looming ahead of you, so you take the dive and call your old friend. 

was seonghwa still your friend? as you wait for him to pick up you think back on some of the time you spent together as kids, which was definitely peak friendship for the two of you. then you started drifting apart around middle school and came back around during high school when you both started volunteering with the younger kids. you drifted again when you both went to college, and you realize you haven’t really spoken to him since. it makes sense that seonghwa would still be working with kids, but you wonder what he’s been up to these past few years. your train of thought is cut short by the sound of the familiar voice on the other end of the phone.

“y/n?” seonghwa asks, a hint of surprise in his voice. “didn’t think you’d ever call me back.”

“yep,” you laugh nervously. so much for suppressing the butterflies in your gut. “i am completely skint, so i need a job. and you so kindly offered me one the other day, remember?”

“skint?” seonghwa replies. “you learn a bunch of weird words off at that fancy college of yours?”

so it seems the years apart didn’t take away that comfortable connection you always seemed to have with seonghwa. friends and family would call what you two consider platonic banter just straight up flirting, but there’s no one around to hear the teasing lilt in seonghwa’s voice or to see the blush threatening to rise all over your face.

“i learned a few,” you confirm. “do you know what assiduous means?”

“isn’t that a type of tree?”

“no,” you laugh. “it means to show great care and perseverance.”

“i was way off,” seonghwa laughs back and you nod despite being alone. “maybe that can be your thing if you get this job, you teach the babies new words.”

“yeah, tell me more about this job,” you start. “do we have to actually sit on the babies?” 

seonghwa wasn’t expecting that, and laughs fully from his chest. you can’t stop the warmth that spreads through you at the sound, and it takes seonghwa a moment to respond. 

“dear god, please don’t sit on them,” he says through a few spare giggles. “your mom didn’t explain the job to you?”

“a little,” you shrug. “but you actually do it, so tell me more. what’s it like getting paid to wipe baby shit all morning?”

seonghwa goes on to explain the job, and you learn that it’s not just a one day gig, which is great news for you. you could potentially work the majority of the day on sunday with a few hours here and there throughout the week for bible studies that need childcare. it’s not an astounding amount of money, but with your savings it’s enough to hold you over while you look for something more permanent. 

“and the kids are really cute,” seonghwa concludes, ending his thorough description of everything this job entails.

“thank goodness, i wouldn’t do it if they were uggos,” you joke, and you hear seonghwa sigh, but you also think you hear a smile in his voice as he replies.

“you haven’t changed at all, have you y/n?” 

“if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right?” you answer. “so when could i start working in the nursery?”

“seriously?” seonghwa asks, sounding surprised, which is weird considering you just spent 10 minutes on the phone with him discussing the job and its duties.

“uh, yeah? that’s why i called.”

“oh, um, right,” seonghwa hesitates. “well, uh, i guess you could start this sunday? you can come in tomorrow to do the paperwork, i’ll be there to do childcare for a leadership meeting, and i can show you where everything is.”

“seonghwa, i’ve been going to this church since i was a baby,” you tell him. “i already know where everything is.”

“ah yes, but do you know where i keep my secret pack of snacks that i steal from the toddler rooms so i have something to eat that’s not pre-mushed? or where the good lysol spray is kept?” 

“you have much knowledge,” you tease. “guess i’ve got a lot to learn.”

“yeah, you’ve just got to be assiduous about it,” seonghwa replies, a smile present in his voice. “so i’ll see you tomorrow? and then again on sunday?”

“tomorrow and again on sunday,” you confirm. “bye seonghwa! and thank you, seriously. i needed this job.”

“it was yours from the start,” he tells you. “see you later, y/n.”

-

you get to church early the next day, and find seonghwa in the baby nursery organizing diapers into different drawers. you stop for a minute and take him in, noticing that his face shows a little more maturity than the cherub faced kid you grew up with. you’ve seen him around, but you haven’t taken the time to notice just how...grown up seonghwa looks. he looks good, you can’t deny. you’re busy staring at his chiseled jawline when he turns and jumps at your presence.

“jesus, y/n, say something next time,” he gasps out.

“shouldn’t you apologize for saying j dog’s name like that?” you joke.

“ok, don’t call him j dog in front of the kids,” seonghwa laughs, and he takes a moment to blatantly check you out. “you look nice.”

“oh, thanks,” you say simply. “didn’t know if i needed to treat this like a real job or not so i went with one of my more casual interview outfits.”

“you got the job,” seonghwa assures you. “no need to impress me with cute clothes.”

“so,” you say, ignoring his comment and lingering eyes. “you were gonna show me where the snacks are?”

in the next five minutes, you find yourself sprawled out at one of the little tables in a toddler room down the hall, onboarding paperwork surrounding you and a pile of oreos in between you and seonghwa. you catch up as you finish your paperwork, and you learn that seonghwa has been working at the nursery all through college. he’s not sure he wants to be a teacher anymore, or work with kids at all actually, but the church kids have a special place in his heart so that’s kept him here over the years. 

“what about you?” he asks. “you just graduated right?”

“right,” you confirm. “kinda don’t wanna talk about it.”

“why not?”

“well, no offense, but i didn’t expect to get my degree and then come back home to work with church babies,” you tell him. “i’m not as nice as you, i don’t have a soft spot for these kids. i just have bills i have to pay.”

“i get that,” seonghwa nods. “not everyone can be as kind and caring as i am.”

“woah, that’s totally not what i meant,” you laugh, and seonghwa smiles back at you.

“no, i really do get it,” he assures you. “i don’t plan on being here much longer myself.”

“oh? and what’s next for the oh so lovely park seonghwa?” you tease, and you feel proud at the blush you find dusting seonghwa’s cheeks. 

“i’ll be keeping that to myself for now,” he teases back, popping an oreo in his mouth as he glances down at your paperwork. “you did that page wrong.”

“what?!” you exclaim, looking back to notice that yes, you did fill it out wrong. you wrote in the spots meant for the employer and not the employee, and you groan. “it’s because you’re distracting me.”

“if i’m a distraction to you then i don’t think we should work together y/n,” seonghwa says, holding eye contact with you for a moment. suddenly you find it hard to breathe, and if seonghwa hadn’t moved to get you a new sheet, then you’re not sure where that conversation would’ve gone. there was some kind of intention behind his eyes that you couldn’t quite read, so you decide to ignore it instead as you pop open an oreo and absentmindedly eat the icing. seonghwa catches you licking the icing off and has to remind himself he’s literally at church so his mind won’t wander. 

“here,” he says as he gently hands you the new stack of paper. “brought some extras in case you mess up again.”

“don’t make me quit before i even start, park.”

“sorry,” he laughs. “but speaking of that, when can you start?”

“uh, pretty immediately?” you tell him. “i really need money.”

“so like, could you start tonight?”

-

apparently thursdays are a big day for bible studies at your church, because within an hour, you’ve got about five newborns in the nursery with you and seonghwa. the other nursery workers came in shortly after you finished your paperwork and welcomed you, and you had to laugh at them calling you “seonghwa’s friend” as if you didn’t grow up in this church just like he did. it’s obvious you’re not as involved as seonghwa, so it didn’t matter that much, but when you recognized one of your childhood church friends dropping off her kid, you waved, and she pretended not to see you. that got on your nerves, but someone dropping off another baby cut through your angry inner monologue. you hold eye contact with the baby in your arms before you call for seonghwa’s attention.

“seonghwa you told me these kids were cute,” you start out. “this one looks like a cabbage patch kid gone wrong.”

“don’t say that y/n!” seonghwa scolds you, but you can see the hint of a smile sneaking through his sharp features.. “babies are little angels.”

“you really like kids don’t you?” you ask, after watching him fuss over the baby in his arms. “you’re really good with them.”

“thanks,” he replies with a soft, yet breathtaking, smile. “i’ve always felt like i needed to work with them so i could be the kinda person i always needed when i grew up.”

“why babies though?” you ask. “aren’t they more work?”

“eh, not here,” seonghwa shrugs. “the other kids talk too much. ask a lotta questions i don’t want to answer.”

“smart man.”

“but also the past few years i’ve just had babies on the brain,” seonghwa continues as he bounces the baby in his arms. “i guess it’s my subconscious telling me i need to start a family soon.”

“any prospects for that family, hm?” you pry, smiling as you watch the baby in his arms giggle and clap.

“maybe,” seonghwa replies shyly. “i don’t wanna talk about it.”

and you leave it, for that night at least. the crush you have/had on seonghwa is keeping you from being totally neutral, so you know you’ll want to ask again in the future, but for now you let seonghwa be cute with his little baby buddies and you just admire from afar and help out as you can. 

before the night is over, one of the little girls has completely clung to you, falling asleep on your chest so securely that her mom jokes about bringing you home with them so they don’t have to wake her. with a little luck, you don’t even disturb her as you place her into her stroller, and seonghwa looks on proudly while you smile and wave goodbye to some of the cute kids walking by.

“so when were you gonna tell me you were a pro at this?” seonghwa asks, and you blush slightly. “the babies, and the parents, love you. impressive.”

“they’re easy to get along with,” you shrug. “and you made it pretty easy too.”

“what about you?” seonghwa asks suddenly. “have you thought about starting a family?”

“not until recently,” you admit. “seeing my friends have kids has really lit a fire under my ass, mostly because my mom sees her friends talking about grandkids on facebook and then she comes to me asking for grandbabies just about every single day.”

“and?”

“and what?”

“do you think you’ll have kids?” seonghwa asks, and you shrug. 

“not sure, really. maybe if i meet the right person? but for now, no,” you tell him. “need a real job before i can have a real kid.”

“got it,” seonghwa nods, something unreadable in his expression. he finishes wiping down the counter before turning to face you fully. “want me to walk you to your car?”

“i’m right outside, you don’t need to-”

“i insist.”

you take a few minutes to collect your things, and then seonghwa is leading you out of the church, pointing out which doors need to be locked before you walk out and what lights need to stay on for the cleaning crews. you take it all in intently, and soon enough you’re outside your car, awkwardly waiting for seonghwa to finish his spiel about coming to work early.

“i’m sorry,” seonghwa interrupts himself. “i’m boring you.”

“no, not at all hwa!” you insist. he quirks an eyebrow at the resurfaced nickname, and you stumble on insisting that you’ll be at work early no matter what, and you’re so thankful for this job, and-

seonghwa kisses you. it’s quick, so you almost don’t notice, but he definitely kissed you, the lingering hand on your hip to steady you is enough evidence of that. he pulled away quickly, and it gives you a chance to stare back at him, checking his eyes before flitting your own gaze back down to his lips. he gets the hint and leans back in, this time securely wrapping his hands around your waist as your hands card through his hair. it’s an innocent kiss, but seonghwa’s touch makes you feel like you’re on fire. he alternates between deep kisses that have you searching for air, and then he pulls back slightly to nip your lips and tease as if he’s going to pull away, before diving back in. 

but before you know it, he’s pulling away again, whispering something about work on sunday, and then he’s gone, leaving you with puffy lips and your heart beating against your ribcage. 

-

the next few shifts with seonghwa go by without a word about your kiss. he’s still his friendliest self, still a little aloof like always, and still so sickeningly sweet with the babies. it’s doing things to your heart, watching him take care of them so well, and you catch yourself staring a little too often. you hope seonghwa doesn’t see, but he’s caught you a few times. all it does is rustle the budding feelings for you deep in his chest, and he does his best to ignore them for now.

“why do you keep staring at me?” he asks one quiet shift, just the two of you and a baby asleep in each of your arms. you had absolutely been staring at his plump lips as they made kissy sounds at the baby in his lap, but you can’t just say that. you don’t know where you stand with seonghwa, so you don’t wanna push it if there’s not anything that should be pushed, so you make something up.

“oh, i was just looking at how you were holding the baby,” you tell him. he’s somehow made a barrier for the baby to sit comfortably in his elevated lap, which looks so much more comfortable than the way you’re sitting. “i think my arm is about to fall asleep.”

“well we can’t have that,” seonghwa says, finally looking over to you and noting how your arm must be cramped in that small chair. he gets up and carefully places his baby in a bouncer before making his way to you. “let me show you how to do it.”

“what?” you ask, taken aback as seonghwa slides his arms around yours to shift your grip on the bundle of joy you’re holding. 

“just go with it,” he says, eyes flicking up to bore into your own. his voice is barely above a whisper, and you’re not sure if that’s because of the sleeping baby or not. 

he pulls his arms away once he’s satisfied with your hold, and you assume that’s all he’s gonna do. you’re noticeably more comfortable now, but seonghwa’s not done. he places his hand at the back of your knee and pulls your leg up. the touch takes your breath away, and seonghwa is quick to position you so that both of your feet are on the stool in front of you, legs bent to create that same elevated surface for the baby that you watched him do. he tells you to put the baby in your lap now, and he stands above you for a few moments to gauge your comfort level. one hand is still on your knee though, so he gives it a squeeze before pulling away completely.

“see? that’s better.”

“mhm,” you squeak out, still reeling over the feeling of his hands on your legs. the slightest hint of fire lingers on everywhere he touched, and you focus on your baby to clear your head. “thank you.”

“anytime,” he hums, moving around the room with a smug smile on his face. 

-

it isn’t until a week or so later that seonghwa makes another move. it was a busy day, you were swamped with crying kids all morning, and seonghwa could tell you needed some kind of relief. 

“y/n?” seonghwa whispers, trying not to disturb the easily excitable babies that are currently asleep. “are you doing anything tonight?”

“uh, no?” you reply. “why? please don’t tell me it involves more babies.”

“no,” he chuckles quietly. “i was planning on meeting some friends at a bar and wanted to know if you’d be down to join us? you remember my friend, hongjoong right?”

“was he the one that you brought as your friend to youth night one year, and the pastors all asked you if they should pray for his soul?” you ask jokingly, somewhat remembering the fiasco it was that seonghwa brought a friend who dared to come to church with blue hair and an actual fashion sense. it catches seonghwa off guard, and his chuckle is a little louder this time. you both freeze, staring into each other’s eyes and hoping you don’t hear a baby wailing in the next three seconds. the room stays silent, so he continues the conversation.

“yeah, that’s him,” he smiles. “he’s dj’ing tonight, so we’re going out to support him, if you wanna come.”

“yeah, i’m down,” you say with a shrug. “could definitely use a drink after dealing with these little ones.”

“don’t talk about impure things around the babies,” he whispers back.

“hwa, none of these kids know what we’re saying,” you say a little louder than you probably should. the baby closest to seonghwa starts to whine, and he’s quick to soothe them, but then the baby next to them wakes up and starts crying, and suddenly the whole room is abuzz with tears. you catch seonghwa’s eye and smile, “bet you could use a drink right about now, huh?”

-

you agree to meet seonghwa at the bar, just taking a lyft to make things easier on yourself later. you make it through the front and start looking around for your devilishly handsome coworker when you hear someone calling your name. you turn and see what must be hongjoong waving you over. 

“y/n!” he shouts as soon as you’re close enough. “it’s so good to see you!”

“you too!” you shout back over the music. “i can’t believe you recognized me after all these years.”

“i’d remember that face,” he replies with a wink, and you can’t help but take the compliment shyly. “thanks for coming to see my set.”

“well thank seonghwa for inviting me,” you tell him. “do you know where he is, by the way?”

“he’s outside trying to find some of our friends,” he explains. “apparently they started pregaming and are too drunk to find the bar. so i’m sorry about any of that in advance.”

“oh i’m sure it’ll be fine,” you laugh. “speaking of drinks though, i think i’m gonna head to the bar, you need anything?”

“nah,” hongjoong shakes his head. “i’m good, don’t like to be affected when i get on stage.”

“very professional of you,” you reply. “i’ll be right back then.”

you squeeze your way through the crowd, fighting for a spot against the bar as you wait to get the bartender’s attention. while you wait, a hand lightly taps your shoulder, and you turn around to see seonghwa. he smiles at you sweetly, waving from a couple people behind you. you wave back, but grab his hand before he puts it down and you just yank him to the front with you. 

“thanks for that,” he laughs. “glad you could make it.”

“happy to be here,” you smile. “you need a drink?”

“hell yes,” he replies, and you gasp in pretend shock.

“perfect angel park seonghwa just said a curse word?” you continue, and seonghwa rolls his eyes.

“i could say a lot worse than that,” he assures you, and you don’t know why that makes your heart skip a beat. 

“i’d like to see that,” you tease.

“i’m sure you would,” he fights back, and you fall quiet. the bartender looks your way and seonghwa waves her over before whispering to you, “if it’s quicker, we can just put this all on one tab.”

“okay,” you agree, reaching for your wallet, but seonghwa puts his hand on top of yours and shakes his head. 

“don’t even think about it,” he says. “i invited you out, i’ll get this round.”

“thank you,” you say, placing your hand on his shoulder so you can shout it in his ear over the music. you both order, and continue to wait as the music booms around you. the drinks come quickly, and there’s suddenly a large group trying to push their way to the bar, so seonghwa, thinking fast, grabs you by the hip to lead you back to the table where hongjoong sits, now with a few new faces.

the friends introduce themselves as yeosang, yunho and mingi, and they seem like nice guys. despite what hongjoong said earlier, they don’t seem too drunk, and they’re easy to talk to, which you appreciate. it’ll be a fun night, and you all hype hongjoong up as he gets ready to perform. 

“so how often does he do this?” you ask seonghwa, who’s motioning for you to slide into the booth next to yeosang. 

“not that often actually,” seonghwa explains. “he usually just produces or writes for his side projects, but every once in a while the owner here convinces him to dj if she needs some extra cash. hongjoong always pulls a big crowd.” 

“i didn’t realize i’ve been invited to such an exclusive event,” you joke, and seonghwa smiles lightly. 

“well you are a vip,” he lamely replies, and you laugh, mostly at his red cheeks and the face of regret after he realizes how corny that was. “shut up. try your drink.”

“what’d you two order?” mingi asks, finally cutting into the banter between you and hwa. 

“i got a mule and y/n got a fancy martini,” seonghwa explains. “y/n’s all grown up on me now.”

“i saw a tiktok about a bartender that said people who know their exact martini order are sexy, so i’ve been trying a few things,” you admit. 

“that is kinda sexy,” yeosang says, giving you a suggestive eyebrow wiggle that gets you laughing. you don’t notice seonghwa stiffening beside you as yunho butts in.

“so what’s your order?” he asks politely. “martinis always seem boring, but that looks good.”

“you can try a sip if you want,” you offer him. “it’s a wet martini with a twist, so it’s a little sweeter, but still strong.”

“wet?” mingi laughs, and seonghwa rolls his eyes.

“grow up, that’s how you know how much vermouth is in it, you twelve year old,” seonghwa scolds him. he says this as he watches you pass your drink to yunho, who sticks his straw in and takes a tentative taste. why didn’t you ask seonghwa if he wanted to try? 

“that’s actually not bad,” yunho says with a nod. 

“i like it,” you agree. “having a go to martini order feels so adult. figured it was time to move on from the cheapest thing on the menu and go for a big kid drink.”

“hey, hongjoong’s starting!” yeosang chimes, noticing how the lights have changed and the music is getting lower before transitioning to hongjoong’s set. you all turn your focus to the stage to watch him hard at work, heads bopping along as he builds momentum. your table stays quiet for a moment, enjoying the music and sipping your drinks, and then you feel a slight pressure on your leg. you look down to see seonghwa gripping your thigh, and you glance up at him but he’s still focused on his friend. you stare for a moment, hoping to catch his eye to no avail. you look back at hongjoong, and seonghwa squeezes your knee before letting go completely. you ignore it, but scoot closer to him ever so slightly. 

you’re about to turn around to say something to him when hongjoong suddenly changes the song to one of your favorites, and instead of the subtle move you were going for you whip your head around to face seonghwa and insist that “we need to go dance. like now.”

“now?” he asks, slightly caught off guard as you put all your weight on him to force him out of the booth.

“yes, now!” you shriek. “i love this song, let’s go!” 

seonghwa finally stands and you down the rest of your martini before grabbing his hand and leading him toward the crowd. you nestle yourselves off to the side, but in hongjoong’s line of sight, so he smiles and waves when he notices you having a good time. you lightly drape your arms across seonghwa’s shoulders and start to dance, and it takes him no time to place his hands on your hips and follow suit. maybe downing your drink wasn’t the best choice, but hey, you’re dancing with seonghwa and he seems to have no problem with it. he really must not mind, because now you’re singing along to the chorus right in his face and he just laughs and pulls you tighter. you notice a tension in his hold, but you’re too enveloped by the song to really care. your song slowly starts to build into another, and you slow your movements and lean slightly into seonghwa’s chest to catch your breath. 

“that was cute,” he says, looking down at you through a gaze that you can’t quite read. “note to self, y/n really likes bad bunny.”

“it’s a good song,” you laugh nervously, trying not to think about the last time you were this close to seonghwa. his lips are slightly chapped tonight, but plump and kissable nonetheless. maybe if you just- 

“i’ll have to remember what else you like,” he says lowly, and you have to lean closer to hear him fully. 

“like what?” you ask, unsure of where this is going.

“well, i know what kind of music you like,” he begins. “and now i know what kind of drinks you like, too. you like your martinis wet, right?”

“you seem to be paying a lot of attention to me, park,” you just barely whisper, your lips so close to his ear he can feel your breath.

“answer the question, y/n,” he warns. “you like your cocktails wet, right?” you give a meek ‘mhm’ in response. “then i wonder what else you like wet, huh?”

you pull back from him slightly, mostly to read the look he’s giving you, but seonghwa has tightened his grip on you so hard that you can’t quite move. now you notice the tension you felt earlier came from the bulge in his pants that’s currently pressed up against your thigh, and your next look at seonghwa tells you all that you need to know. 

“why don’t we get out of here and you can find out?” 

-

“get out of here” didn’t really work that well. you made it back near the bar with every intent of closing out the tab, but seonghwa decided kissing along the nape of your neck was a better idea. then he pushed you over toward the wall and occupied your lips for some time, and after that you couldn’t take it anymore. you’re currently pressed up against the door of the nearest bathroom, seonghwa’s lips on yours and his desperate moans sending warmth from your chest all the way to your core. you whimper as he pulls away, and he has the audacity to smirk at you while he brushes the hair out of your face. 

“couldn’t wait till we got to my place, darling? had to have me right now?” he teases, tracing his fingers across the marks along your neck before dipping them to the top of your shirt. “can i take this off love?” you nod quickly and lift your arms, helping seonghwa pull it off you. your bra leaves little to the imagination, and seonghwa can’t help but stare for a moment. while he’s distracted, you try to catch him off guard. 

“who knew precious church boy seonghwa was the kind of guy to fuck in a bar bathroom?” you tease, and seonghwa responds by dipping his fingers down to pinch your nipple. you try to save face with your response, “pinching, really? grow up.”

“stop talking,” seonghwa says lowly before meeting your lips again. “not sure...what you’re into..or i would’ve just slapped your tits to shut you up.”

“i thought you said you wanted to learn what i like,” you say as you pull apart. “so ask me what i like. and don’t say anything about being wet.”

“are you?” seonghwa quips, and you quirk an eyebrow in reply. “you want me to find out myself?”

“ah, after you take your shirt off,” you interject. “i like an even playing field, i take something off, you take something off.”

“fine,” he gruffs, pulling his shirt over his head with ease and revealing the most surprisingly toned chest you’ve ever seen.

“damn, lifting babies made you buff,” you joke, and seonghwa decides he’s getting tired of your jokes. he finds the waistband of your panties poking out above your hips and gives it a tug, releasing the elastic on your skin to give you a little jolt. he looks back up to your eyes and you tell him it’s okay before he dips his fingers into your underwear to immediately find your clit. he gives it a few tentative rubs that have you rutting your hips embarrassingly quickly, and then he’s dipping two digits down to your entrance. 

“you think you can take two fingers already?” he asks. “you’re wet enough i think they would slide right in.”

he’s right, he pushes his fingers into you with ease and you hear how wet you are with each movement. he gets in a few quick strokes and then he pulls his fingers from you too soon, silencing you quickly by tapping his fingers on your lips. 

“suck,” he instructs you. “don’t wanna hear your funny little jokes right now.”

“but-”

“ah ah, i can stop and we can go back to the table,” he begins, and you violently shake your head, his wet fingers rubbing obscenely over your lips. you tentatively lick away the slick and seonghwa rolls his hips into yours with a moan. “cmon, fingers in your mouth or we’re not doing anything else. can’t get too loud or we’ll ruin hongjoong’s set.”

you finally comply, welcoming seonghwa’s digits as they push past your lips and rest on your tongue. you do as he said and give a little suck, swiping your tongue around to collect the arousal that’s still currently dripping through your panties. 

“hmmm,” seonghwa continues. “should i eat you out for good measure? or would that take too long?” you try to respond with his fingers in your mouth, but he sighs and pulls his hand away so he can hear you.

“not sure how long i would last,” you pant slightly. “and i wanna cum on your cock too badly to risk it.”

“oh baby, who said you wouldn’t?” he asks, sending a shiver down your spine. “help me get undressed sweetheart, and i’ll show you something i like.” 

you reach for seonghwa’s pants as he does the same to you, roughly undoing his belt and zipper so you can push his pants off him quicker. you’re both left in your underwear, and seonghwa pulls your bra off your shoulders as you dip your hand into his boxers. you give him a quick squeeze, which has him bucking into your touch, and you feel a little victorious, but just for a moment. he’s removed your bra and pulls your panties down next, but you watch as he balls them up and mimics opening his mouth as he brings the balled up fabric back up to your lips. 

“i told you we can’t be too loud,” he explains, and you nod in understanding as you let him fill your mouth with your soiled panties. he grips your chin before stroking your clit with his free hand, and you watch as he kneels down to make good on his teasing from earlier. the first touch of his tongue against your pussy has you stifling a moan that’s more like a scream, and you’re suddenly thankful for the gag in your mouth. seonghwa gives your clit a few kitten licks before he moves down and practically starts making out with your cunt, drinking in each drop you let out and holding you down by the hip so you won’t go anywhere. you watch from above as his tongue works through your folds, and you toss your head back in a moan when he sucks on your clit and prods your entrance with his fingers. he dips in slowly at first, giving equal attention to your clit, but slowly he builds until he’s fucking you on his fingers. you can’t help but grind down into him, and the way he’s stroking you has you seeing stars. he starts to apply more pressure to your clit and you lose it, moaning loudly despite your mouth being full and you notice a single tear dripping down your cheek. seonghwa works you through your high, kissing your clit until your moans turn to whimpers, and he stands to greet you with lust filled eyes. 

“you taste fucking delicious,” he says before popping his fingers into his own mouth this time. “so sweet and wet, just for me, yeah?”

you nod and mumble something through your gag, which seonghwa doesn’t understand. he pulls just enough of your panties out to hear you speak, and you take a few quick breaths before repeating yourself.

“two questions,” you start, still out of breath from your high. “are you gonna fuck me? and do you have a condom?”

at the second question, seonghwa’s face falls.

“shit,” he mumbles, reaching for his pants. “shit shit shit. i don’t think i do.”

“isn’t there a dispenser in here?” you ask, glancing around your close quarters. seonghwa follows your gaze as you notice, yes, there is a dispenser in here, but the smallest little sticky note on it displays the worst news: out of order. 

“fuck,” he groans. “ok, let’s just go, we can go to my apartment and-”

“seonghwa,” you try to stop him, but he keeps going. “seonghwa!”

“what?” he asks, turning back to you with almost puppy dog pouting eyes.

“are you clean?” you ask him, and he looks confused. “i’m on the pill, so if you’re clean, i mean, i trust you, so. we could still. fuck. if you want.”

“are you sure?” he asks. “i’m clean, i promise. honestly it’s been an embarrassing amount of time since i’ve done this so you’re pretty safe, i’d say.”

“well you’re doing great for somebody out of practice,” you assure him, and he laughs. 

“ok. so we’re doing this? you’re ok with it?” he confirms once more.

“yes, i’m sure. now come fuck me.”

that’s all seonghwa needs to hear before he’s crashing his lips to yours with newfound energy, and you moan at the way you can still taste yourself on his tongue. 

“aren’t you gonna...gag me..again?” you mumble through the sloppy kisses. as much as you love having your tongue in seonghwa’s mouth, you don’t know how much longer you can take.

“depends, are you gonna say more stupid shit?” he asks teasingly and you have to smile.

“no promises,” you tell him and he kisses you quickly one time for good measure. 

“i want you in a different position for this, love,” he says. “wanna hear you this time too, no gag. plus i think your panties fell onto the floor.”

“oh good, so those are getting burned,” you groan. “what am i gonna wear out of here?”

“nothing?” seonghwa replies with a devilish smirk. “that sounds nice to me.”

“ok now i want you to stop talking,” you say, placing your hand playfully over his mouth. he bites the palm of your hand and you stifle a moan.

“you liked that?” seonghwa asks with a glint in his eyes. “guess i’ll add biting to the list then.”

“how do you wanna fuck me?” you ask, ready to cut the banter and get back to seonghwa acting out some of your deepest desires. 

“up against the mirror,” he says, his voice an octave lower and dripping with lust. “wanna see you watch yourself while i ruin you on my cock.”

your whole body shivers at his words and you can’t even hide it, which fuels seonghwa’s ego more than you’d like. but if it’ll get him to fuck you faster, you don’t mind. you let his hands run down your sides, leaving goosebumps in their wake, before he stops at your hips and turns you toward the mirror and the sink. his hands glide up your back, over your shoulders, and back down your arms to guide you so that you’re gripping onto the sink, all the while maintaining eye contact through the mirror. you feel yourself dripping, and you wish seonghwa would just split you open on his cock already. 

“getting impatient, are we?” he asks, reading your mind. “stop rubbing your thighs together. it’s not gonna make me move any faster.”

“seonghwa,” you whine, pouting just the slightest bit for full effect. “i want you to fuck me, please.”

“such good manners, baby,” he says, finally breaking eye contact with you to look down at your ass. he gives it a little squeeze before slapping each cheek consecutively, and you let out a yelp with each harsh touch. “if it’s too much, tell me, ok?”

“i’lll be fine, hwa,” you assure him.

“yeah, but still,” he says seriously. “just say the word. we go at your pace.”

“if we’re going at my pace then you need to speed it up a little bit,” you bite back, and seonghwa has you immediately eating your words as he buries himself in your cunt.

“you were saying?” he asks, eyebrow quirked with the cockiest smile on his face. you risk a look at yourself and he’s barely done anything and you already look fucked out. “that’s it, baby. keep your eyes right there.”

“seonghwa,” you moan again as he thrusts quickly, not moving much but successfully shoving himself deeper into your warmth.

“feels good?” he asks quietly, thrusting again a little quicker. you can only nod and let out a shaky breath in response, so he pulls out all the way and buries himself again, ripping a small scream from the back of your throat.

“hwa, fuck me, please,” you beg. “fuck me like you mean it.”

“as you wish,” he obeys, collecting the hair on your back and creating a grip for himself. he pulls you up slightly to create some leverage, and then he’s pounding into you so hard and so deep you feel the edge of the link leaving marks on your thighs. seonghwa’s eyes are glued to your reflection and the way your jaw seems to drop more and more with each thrust, and he moans when he feels you clench around him. “so good for me, baby, you’re taking it so well. taking good care of my cock, hm?”

“seonghwa,” you cry. “more, need something else.”

“so needy,” he scoffs. “hips up.”

you do as he says, and he places a hand at your waist and moves it so that he’s pressing a finger to your clit with each thrust. it’s a subtle touch but it’s driving you insane, and you clench around him again, grinding down when he makes contact with your clit. 

“look at you,” he coos. “going crazy for my cock, my hand on your clit...fucking in the bathroom where anyone could hear us...you like it dirty and wet, don’t you my good girl?” 

you come unexpectedly at the new nickname, and seonghwa groans so loud you’re sure everyone outside could hear. you can feel the mess you’ve made between your legs grow, but seonghwa keeps going well after you’ve finished.

“is it too much?” he asks quietly and you shake your head no.

“wanna help you get off,” you say breathlessly. “wanna make you come.”

“i’m almost there love,” he says. “just keep bein’ good for me.”

you try to time your movements with his thrusts, squeezing him as he retreats and meeting him when he thrusts back in. he never moved his hand, so this is putting more friction on your clit again, and you’re surprised the overstimulation hasn’t gotten to you yet. seonghwa thrusts deeply and starts losing his breath, so he takes a minute to still inside you.

“fuck, i’m not gonna last much longer,” he says. “where do you want me to come?”

“anywhere.”

“no, y/n, tell me where-”

“i don’t care, hwa,” you whine. “just want you to come. i might come with you.”

you feel his cock twitch at that, and he smiles that devil’s smile again.

“fucked you that good, huh?” he asks, and you reach behind you to pinch his side.

“just hurry up and come,” you say. 

“wherever i want?” he asks for confirmation.

“wherever you want,” you agree, and he meets your eyes in the mirror.

“then i’m gonna fill you up so i can watch your pussy leak,” he says. “how’s that sound?”

“ideal actually,” the words barely leaving your lips before he thrusts so hard your arms give out, and the grip he’s kept on your hair is the only thing keeping you upright. you moan at the pull, and moan again at the perfect way he’s sliding through your cunt, and you’re squeezing around him just right, and-

“fuckfuckfuckfuck,” he curses, hips sputtering as you feel his come coating your walls. he plugs you up with his cock and stops moving, focusing more on your clit again as he rubs until you’re bucking up into his hand and chanting his name as you come one final time. you feel his release start to drip out around his cock, and he groans as he scoops some of it up and brings it to your lips. you don’t need a command this time, your mouth open and ready as he watches you take them in through the mirror. you feel his dick twitch at the sight, and you start pulling away so he doesn’t get hard again and try to make you come a fourth time in less than an hour. your legs are shaky as he pulls out, and seonghwa audibly groans as he watches his come leak from your pussy.

“that’s beautiful,” he tells you, pushing some of it back in as you look around for your clothes. “you did so good for me.” you can’t help the way you clench at his words, and seonghwa smiles to himself. “glad you came out tonight?”

“mhm,” you squeak, unsure that you can speak properly just yet.

“what are you looking for?” seonghwa asks, picking up on your frantic eyes.

“my panties?”

“they fell, remember?” 

“oh shit,” you groan, peeking the fabric that’s mocking you from the floor near the first stall. “shit then i need to get cleaned up.”

“you’re not gonna leave it in?” seonghwa asks with a pout. “but i worked really hard.”

“you’re disgusting,” you laugh as you try to distract yourself from thinking about how hot it is that seonghwa’s come is actively dripping down your legs. 

“just pull your pants up and keep your legs closed,” he tells you. “we probably won’t be here much longer anyway.”

“how do you know that?”

“hongjoong’s set most likely ended in between your second and third orgasms? so i bet we’re the only ones of our group left.”

“i’m sorry we missed his set,” you begin, and seonghwa silences you with a kiss.

“are you kidding me? this show was a hell of a lot better.”

-

after you fucked seonghwa in the bathroom, you casually went back out to your table only to find that, yep, hongjoong’s set was over, and all of their friends had left. seonghwa insisted on driving you home and you laughed together when he plugged his phone into his car and there was a slurry of texts from hongjoong cussing hwa out for choosing a quick fuck over his best friend. 

seonghwa was a complete gentleman the whole way home, quieting any question in your mind that he might spend the rest of the night with you. he politely kissed you goodnight, and waited for you to get inside safely before he left, but that was it. for days, actually. he didn’t work the next time you were scheduled, which was odd, and then the next sunday he was mysteriously placed with the toddler class instead of in the infant room with you. you thought you could try to get there early to (jokingly) ask what the fuck was going on, but what you find upon entering the church stops you cold.

the service must have just let out, based on how many people there are in the lobby, so it would be hard for anyone else to spot seonghwa, nestled over in the corner. but seeing as you’ve been semi-obsessed with the man since you started working here, you spot him immediately. you’re so hyperfocused on him it almost takes you a minute to realize there’s a girl hanging onto his arm, and you feel sick.

who knew the sweet boy from church could break your heart so easily? 

you don’t even know who she is, so you shouldn’t freak out over it too much, but the thoughts inside your head can’t be tamed. did seonghwa just want to get into your pants, and now he’s moved onto his next victim? or, maybe worse, he was in a relationship the whole time and you just fucked a man who has an entire girlfriend. that makes you feel like the bad person, so you decide to pick the first option, painting seonghwa as the villain. sweet, starry eyed seonghwa, who started bringing you coffee each week and saving your favorite snacks for the two of you to share while the babies slept. kind seonghwa who spoke to the babies like they were gifts from god himself. lovely seonghwa who you caught staring at you at least twice every day since you’ve started working together. maybe you had just read him wrong, and the baby-whisperer thing is just a front so he can be a dick on the side and no one will bat an eye. whatever it is, you’re upset, and you can’t help but think that if you never took this job in the first place you wouldn’t be about to cry in the nursery at the thought of seonghwa with someone else. 

while you’re having an internal crisis, one of the other sunday school teachers pops her head in to say hi and make a comment about seonghwa not being with the babies today.

“that’s weird, isn’t it?” she asks, and you simply nod. “he sure loves these babies. and you, but you didn’t hear that from me.” you fake a little giggle as she mimics locking her lips, and you turn to the changing table to look busy. she gets the hint and makes another comment that goes unheard by you, and you’re left alone until you hear the other nursery worker unlocking the baby gate and stepping inside. a little part of you hopes it’s seonghwa and he just has an evil twin hanging around, but a quick look over your shoulder proves you wrong. you’d let your mind linger on the frustration inside you, but the first set of babies are arriving, so you let the mindless tasks of your job take over for the time being. 

you’re able to keep your mind off seonghwa until it’s time to leave and you see him coming down the hall from the toddler room. he starts to wave, but you turn around so quickly he gets the feeling that something is wrong. it’s not that he’s avoiding you, well, not on purpose. he is trying to sort through some feelings he doesn’t quite understand, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t wanna be around you since you slept together. but obviously that’s not the way you feel. he lets you turn around in a huff and leave before he can call for your attention, and he settles on trying to talk again another day.

-

“ms pat, caleb is dirty again,” you semi-complain, telling the other adult in the infant room that the baby you’re holding basically just shat on you. it’s a tuesday night, you’ve got too many babies that came from the same bible study, and seonghwa is yet again nowhere to be seen. you heard something about a shift in the childcare schedule, so maybe he’s in another room...again. regardless, you’ve got a pooping baby in your arms, and your new room buddy jumps into action so you make the pass quickly, quick enough that the innocent baby doesn’t even know what’s going on. with your hands free, you start cleaning up the toys littering the floor when you hear a voice by the door clearing their throat. 

“hi y/n,” seonghwa says quietly, trying not to disturb the babies’ peace. “can i talk to you for a minute?” 

“kinda busy, seonghwa,” you say in an irritated voice. “shouldn’t you be in your new room anyway?”

“i’m taking a kid to the potty,” he explains, and you roll your eyes.

“you’re an adult, please say anything else.”

“y/n,” he says again. “please. come talk to me, just one minute.”

“i can’t seonghwa, i’m working.”

“she can leave,” ms pat says from the corner of the room. “i’ve got it.”

you look up from the toys you’re trying to line up perfectly, and you catch seonghwa’s cocky smirk as he nods his head toward the hall. you groan and stand, assuring the baby room that you’ll be right back and then seonghwa is opening the baby gate for you. you get a couple steps away from any of the open nursery rooms, and then you turn to face seonghwa.

“what do you want.”

“your new friend seemed pretty eager to get rid of you,” he jokes. “you being mean to the babies again?”

“not any meaner than normal,” you say. “i’m a ray of sunshine in there.”

“like you are right now?” he starts, and you scoff.

“oh please. i have the right to act this way,” you say. “why haven’t i heard from you since we had sex?”

“shh!” seonghwa semi-shouts, reaching to cover your mouth but you step away. “jesus y/n, we’re still at church.”

‘and you just said jesus’ name in vain,” you point out with a cock of your head. “so i guess we’re both sinners today.”

“i’m sorry,” he says quickly. “i didn’t mean to go radio silent on you.”

‘that’s fine,” you say, starting back toward your classroom. “thanks for the apology.”

“wait-” he says, grabbing your arm. “let me finish.”

“i let you finish once, that’s enough i think.”

“y/n c’mon,” he sighs. “what’s gotten into you?”

“i saw you with a girl the other sunday,” you begin. “she was hanging onto you like she was pretty comfortable with it. not sure who she is but i’m also not sure i wanna be in the middle of that.”

“who?” seonghwa asks, eyes wide and sparkling, and you groan.

“ugh, nothing. please, let me go back to work.”

“no, no, you thought i was with someone else?” he starts again, cornering you against the wall so you can’t try to leave anymore. you watch as he flashes back through the past few days, and it’s like you see the lightbulb of recognition go off when it connects. then, suddenly, he makes a face of disgust. “are you talking about her?”

“gee seonghwa, i don’t know,” you say. “why don’t you tell me who she is first and we’ll see if that’s who i’m thinking of.”

“do you know san?” he asks out of no where. “the dick-ish dude that’s our age? he sings in the choir.”

“was he the girl?”

“no,” seonghwa laughs. “that’s his girlfriend.”

“you’re digging yourself a deep, dark hole, park.”

“stop talking,” he snaps. “that was san’s girlfriend. or ex, i should say. she was trying to make him jealous, for some reason i choose not to learn the details of, and i was the victim. apparently she’s as much of a dick as he is, so she’d been involving a lot of innocent bystanders in their fights lately.”

“oh.”

“yeah,” he nods. “so you saw her hanging off of me? did you see me push her away and knock her right into the assistant pastor?”

“ha, no i did not,” you chuckle. “wish i had though.”

“i can try to recreate it for you,” he teases, and you roll your eyes. “i can’t believe you were this upset over that.”

“it wasn’t just that,” you whine. “yes, i was upset that you might’ve been with someone so soon after we fucked, but i still have not heard from you since and that’s why i’m still so mad at you. you’re not even working in the baby room anymore, so it feels like you’re avoiding me.”

“i’m sorry,” seonghwa nods. “i shouldn’t have ignored you. and didn’t you read the childcare emails last week? the toddler teachers got covid through their bible study, so i’m filling in until they’re better.” 

“oh great, so i’m jealous and illiterate,” you nod. “good. love that for me.”

“you were jealous?” seonghwa asks with a smile and you groan again.

“seonghwa, yes, yes i was jealous. i’m jealous of the babies that you hug and kiss because i wish you’d do that to me, of course i was jealous of a girl throwing herself at you.”

you stop for a second and realize the confession you just made, and you feel your face flush. seonghwa shifts too, moving from just casually keeping you against the wall to pushing you into it with his hips. his hands rest at your waist, giving it reassuring squeezes as he speaks.

“as precious as that confession was,” he starts. “i did need some time away from you.” you start to pull away, and he shakes his head. “no, wait. i needed to cool down after we fucked because i was afraid the next time i saw you i would admit how hopelessly in love with you i am. and that’s a lot, right after sex, so i’m sorry that i took a few days and handled it poorly. i was trying to figure out my feelings, and also planning a whole confession, which was a waste of time apparently.”

“you’re hopelessly in love with me?” you ask, a smile creeping onto your lips. “why don’t you act like it then?”

then he’s kissing you, hands tracing your hips and traveling up your sides to cup your cheeks. he deepens the kiss as your hands wrap around his neck, and he mumbles into your lips “i’ve liked you since high school, and fell in love with you when i saw you with the babies for the first time, i think. still processing it though.”

“well,” kiss, “i think,” kiss, “it was the same,” kiss, “for me,” kiss.

“wait, really?” seonghwa asks, pulling away from you with a smile that lights up his eyes. another kiss. “why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“still processing,” you tease, and with the next kiss seonghwa bites down on your lip in retaliation. “hey, at least we were idiots in love together.”

“i would prefer to just be in love with you,” he says seriously, finally looking up at you with something quiet and meaningful in his gaze. “i think i love you, y/n.”

“i think i love you too, seonghwa.”

#park seonghwa #park seonghwa smut #seonghwa smut #ateez #ateez smut #ateez imagine #ateez one shot #park seonghwa one shot #seonghwa one shot #ateez fic #ateez fanfic #park seonghwa fic #park seonghwa fanfic #seonghwa fic #seonghwa fanfic

[mymoodwriting]

Request for @not-liah (Sequel to Hybrid T.X.T) 10.2k, hybrids, domestic life, implied smut, physical attack, riots, claw marks, bleeding, hospital, false arrest, fire, death threats, kidnapping, dystopia, nomad life, ptsd, trauma, anxiety, abandonment issues, paranoia, attempted kidnapping, happy ending (@starillusion13)

“Rise and shine boys.”

It was always so nice to wake up in the loving embrace of your hybrids. You were never cold, and you never felt alone. Of course you had to get a bigger bed in order for all of you to fit, and they’d certainly fight at times as to who got to sleep by your side. At one point you had to set an order so they’d stop fighting. You didn’t want any of them getting hurt over such a trivial thing. Although the order wouldn’t stop them all from piling on top of each other to bombard you with morning kisses. It was an excellent wake up call.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough!” You giggled. “I have to get out of bed at some point.”

“No you don’t.” Beomgyu whined. “Let’s have a lazy day…”

“If I don’t get up to work, who’s gonna pay for your expensive treats? We might have to make some budget cuts.”

“What? No! That’s not fair!”

“We can have a lazy day on the weekends.”

“You heard the girl.” Soobin remarked. “Come on, we gotta get her out of bed.”

“Wait, what?”

Before you knew it all the boys had scrambled up and were grabbing you, pulling you out of bed. They were all laughing as you told them to take it easy, but soon enough they had you on your feet and were pushing you towards the bathroom.

“I’ll get started on breakfast.” Yeonjun volunteered. “Come on Tae.”

“What? Why me!?”

“Let’s go.”

They had all learned to do more around the house to help you. Their cooking was pretty good, but they always loved your home cooked meals the most. For work you now had your own little office at home. It was a nice set up, although you had to lock the door to keep the boys out. They’d still whine at the door, especially as it got close to lunch time, but you had to keep focus. It was much easier on everyone knowing the other was simply behind a door. Of course Soobin knew where the emergency key was in case they ever needed to get to you, but that was a secret between you and him.

You still preferred being home, you had everything you needed there, but your hybrids weren’t just pets. They had to look out for your health too, so they’d be taking you to the park to get some air, even if it was under the guise of them needing a walk, every now and then. There were also some hybrid friendly events that would be happening in the area where you could all go have fun together. Everything seemed to work out for you guys, and you couldn’t be any happier. It was a blessing that you found them that day cause you couldn’t imagine where you would be now without them.

“Y/n…”

“Hm?”

Sundays were mainly days to lounge around and watch TV. You were laid out on the couch with Kai resting on top of you. He found himself dozing off as you mindlessly pet his head and scratched his ears.

“I feel funny…”

“Huh? Are you sick?” You put your hand on Kai’s head. “You don’t feel hot.”

“I’m tingly…”

“Tin- where?”

“Hm?”

“When was the last time we played together?”

“Yesterday…”

“I meant intimately, Kai.”

Kai’s ears immediately perked up and he looked over at you, wide awake. You chuckled upon his reaction, petting his head again.

“You said you felt funny?” Kai nodded. “Any idea why?”

“I think so…”

“Ya! Ya!” Beomgyu came over and shoved Kai off of you. “What about me! We haven’t played in a while too!”

“Beomgyu! You can’t just shove Kai like that!”

You helped Kai sit back on the couch, giving Beomgyu a slight glare. Thankfully Kai wasn’t hurt, but that certainly wasn’t nice.

“Beomgyu, apologize.”

“Sorry…”

“Meanie.” Kai stuck his tongue out.

“Ya, I don’t want you two fighting.” You pet both of them. “Now, Beomgyu, were you eavesdropping?”

“A little bit… only one of us can lay on top of you at a time…”

“Ah, so you were jealous and waiting your turn?” Beomgyu nodded. “That’s very cute. Next time you should ask Kai to share.”

“But he’s always hogging your attention!”

“It must be hard when there’s five of you and only one of me.”

“Very.”

“Are we still gonna play…” Kai mumbled.

“You still feel funny?”

“Yeah…”

“Can I play too?” Beomgyu asked.

“Two on one doesn’t seem so bad.”

“Yes!” “Awesome!”

♥♥♥♥♥

You got used to playing with them, so even when it was more then one you always seemed to be the last one standing. It was cute to watch them sleep for once, although you made a note to change the bedsheets later. You quietly got up and went to shower, leaving the other two to rest. You went over to the kitchen but stopped when you heard the news.

“Another hybrid protest took place this afternoon. What started off as a peaceful demonstration evolved into a riot. Law enforcement officials kept things to a minimum, avoiding any casualties, although 46 people were sent to the hospital for treatment. Most hybrids that participated in the riots were arrested on the scene, but officials are still looking-”

“Soobin.”

“Hm?”

“You okay?”

You weren’t even sure how long hybrids had been around, but it felt like things would eventually develop in such a manner. As of late more and more hybrids were gathering together, asking for equal rights. They didn’t want to solely be pets or labor to people anymore. You could understand where they were coming from, although it did make you worry about your boys.

“I’m fine, why?”

“The news… how do you feel about it?”

“I’m happy where I am. We all are.”

“Okay. Let me know if you ever need to talk about anything.”

“Of course.” Soobin offered you a smile. “We do need to go grocery shopping soon.”

“Ah, tomorrow after work we can go. If you guys want something special for dinner we can get the ingredients too.”

“Great. I’ll discuss it with the others and let you know.”

“Thanks.”

Everyone adored grocery trips, although you always had to be firm with them about what they put in the shopping cart. You always made a list to make sure nothing was missed, and used it to make sure they weren’t too greedy.

“Y/n, can I have these?”

“I’m pretty sure your other box of treats is half full, Yeonjun.”

“No! It’s half empty!”

“You still have snacks at home. Next time you can get some.”

“Please, pretty please, I want these!”

“Yeonjun.”

“Please.” Yeonjun whined. “Please, please-”

A sudden scream took everyone by surprise. The boys immediately came to your side, looking around for the source. They didn’t need to wait long as more screaming erupted and people started to run. You heard as things were getting knocked over, and then there were the sounds of barking and roars.

“We need to get out of here.” Soobin stated. “Now.”

Soobin took your hand and started making his way to the nearest exit, the others right behind you. Although it wasn’t long before you found yourselves in trouble. Three hybrids got in your way, snarling and hissing. Your boys did the same, although you told them not to cause trouble. There was no reason to fight.

“We’re not some pets!” One of the hybrids yelled.

“Why are you protecting some human!” Another growled.

“Mind your business.” Taehyun snapped. “We can do what we want with our lives!”

“Is it really your life?”

“Not all humans are bad!”

“I’m not listening to a domesticated house cat!”

The hybrids moved to attack and Kai pulled you away from them, keeping you safe for the time being. You didn’t want anyone to fight, and when other hybrids were drawn to the commotion you got fearful. Kai kept you behind him, but he had to bare his own claws and fangs to keep you safe.

“Stop it! There’s no reason to hurt each other!”

You hated seeing your boys get hurt, and you couldn’t just continue to watch. You grabbed the nearest weapon-like object and hit the hybrid that was attacking Taehyun. The hybrid snarled and turned back to you only to get another hit in the face. While they were distracted Taehyun grabbed them from behind and threw them to the ground. You then ran over to help Beomgyu, only for another hybrid to get in your way. They roared and then you felt a pain in your chest.

You dropped your weapon and looked down, seeing the blood and claw marks on your chest. As the smell hit you everything started to blur. You could vaguely make out the hybrid taking another swing at you, but you didn’t feel anything. You collapsed to the floor, adding a throbbing pain in your head to numbness that was consuming you. The second the boys had smelled blood they rushed over to you in a panic. Soobin had attacked the hybrid that hurt you, punching their face in until the heard sirens. From there all the other hybrids scrambled away.

“Y/n, stay with me.”

Yeonjun had you in his arms, Kai putting pressure on the wounds. They were all trying not to cry, talking to you so you stayed awake.

“Are you�� are you ok…”

“What about you… why did you…”

“Don’t get hurt… over me…”

“Ya, we’re your emotional support hybrids.” Taehyun mumbled. “We’re supposed to take care of you.”

“Beomgyu.” Soobin called. “The sirens, go get help. We can’t move her like this.”

“Okay.”

“Y/n, hey, stay awake.” Yeonjun gently shook your head. “Tell me how you feel.”

“Uh… cold… but comfy…”

“What do you want for dinner?”

“Hm… are you gonna cook?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you want.”

“Then… surprise me…”

Kai laughed. “You trust him that much?”

“Yup…”

“Keep talking. Your birthday is coming up, what do you want to do?”

“Birthday… you… what about you… your birthday… we should celebrate you too…”

“We don’t really know my birthday.” Soobin said. “We can figure that out together.”

“Yeah… I like that…”

Beomgyu came rushing back, paramedics right behind him. As much as they didn’t want to let go they had to step away as the paramedics took care of you. They got you on a gurney taking you outside. The boys closely followed, but none of them were allowed to go with you in the ambulance. The paramedic did let them know what hospital you’d be taken to, so they could find you there. Soobin knew they wanted to argue but he held them back. There was chaos around them, firefighters and other paramedics around. 

They had minor injuries that didn’t require much attention so they figured they’d start making their way over to the hospital. Although amidst all the chaos police officers wound up arresting them, mistaking them for participants in the riot. They all tried to argue that wasn’t the case, that they were just helping their caretaker and needed to get to the hospital. Of course their story wasn’t believed and they wound up in a transport vehicle with other hybrids. It wasn’t until they were at a police station and being identified that the truth was revealed.

From there the officer was nice enough to call the hospital and check on your status to also check their story. With the situation cleared up they were let go, and Soobin made sure to ask for directions. Lucky for them it wasn’t a long walk to the hospital from the station. When they arrived Soobin asked the front desk for your room, thanking the nurse. They all headed up together, relieved that you were okay. Although upon getting to your room they realized there were two security guards outside and blocking their way.

“We’re her hybrids.” Soobin explained. “We’re here to check on her. Just tell her we’re here, she’ll let us in.”

“…”

Soobin knew the others were getting an idea to fight their way in but they didn’t need any more trouble. The night was already dragging on. Before Soobin could try to reason with the guards, someone stepped out of the room in a suit, clearly not the doctor.

“Excuse me, who are you? Why did you come out of y/n’s room?”

“And you are?”

“We’re her hybrids. We’re her emotional support hybrids so we can be here. The guards won’t let us in though.”

“Ah, so you’re the offenders.”

“Huh?”

“Security. Have them arrested.”

“What!?” Kai yelled. “On what grounds!”

“For attacking your owner.”

“That wasn’t us! The riot-”

The two security guards tried to arrest them, but this time around they weren’t going to let themselves be taken so easily. Of course this drew attention and more guards came, and eventually the police showed up as well. Things had never been this difficult for them on the streets. With all this commotion going on Beomgyu took the chance to break into the room, seeing you for a moment before being tased. He tried to fight it but the shocks eventually cut his world to black.

♥♥♥♥♥

Instead of finding themselves behind bars, the boys woke up in a different cage. They had never been here before, but they heard about it. A hybrid pound. Kai was tugging at the chain door, but it was no use as he was still recovering from being tased.

“Why are we here?” Yeonjun asked. “We didn’t do anything…”

They weren’t the only ones locked up. The other cages around them also housed some other hybrids. Some were beat up, others seemed like they had been here a while.

“That’s a dumb question.” A hybrid hissed. “Humans don’t treat us with any respect. They’ll throw you away with the thrash without a second thought.”

“Not all humans are like that.” Taehyun snapped. “You guys are the ones giving the rest of us a bad name!”

“Not every hybrid here participated in riots. Some here were taken off the streets, or taken from the place they thought was home. You say humans aren’t bad but you’re here with the rest of us now.”

“Something’s wrong.” Kai whimpered. “Why didn’t they let us see y/n?”

“I don’t know, but we’ll be okay.” Soobin assured. “When y/n gets better and realizes what happened she’ll clear everything up. She’ll get us out of here and then we’ll go home.”

A hybrid scoffed. “Keep dreaming.”

Since they didn’t know your condition there was no real way of knowing how long your recovery would take, so all they could do was wait. The days went on, they were fed some weird slop, but they kept hope. They couldn’t help but worry over you, but they knew you were in a hospital and getting treatment, so you’d be okay.

“Isn’t it your lucky day.” A staff member came over to their cage. “You’re going on a trip.”

“We’re gonna see y/n!” Taehyun cheered. “Finally.”

“Something like that.”

When taken out of the age the boys were still chained up, that should have been the first red flag to them. They were escorted outside and into the back of a ban, their chains secured to the floor.

“Is all this necessary?”

“We did start a fight in a hospital.” Soobin reminded. “They’re being cautious.”

“Not our fault they didn’t let us see y/n.” Yeonjun grumbled.

“Just behave. All of you.”

“We know.”

It felt like eternity before they arrived at wherever they were supposed to be. When the door opened they were met with more security guards. The chains weren’t removed and the were escorted inside the building. It seemed quiet, except for a few people, but none of them really knew what was going on.

“Guys…” Beomgyu whispered. “I think this is a courthouse…”

“What?”

“It looks like the ones on TV.”

“Why would we be here?”

“No idea…”

Beomgyu’s guess was correct, and soon enough they entered a courtroom. None of them liked this, moreso when they saw you next to a stranger. It wasn’t a stranger for long as Soobin recognized the person next to you as the one that had them arrested in the hospital. He growled under his breath but Yeonjun elbowed him to stop. They were all confused over the matter, and they shouldn’t do anything to make it worse. You of course were their biggest concern. You were sitting next to that jerk, still dressed in your hospital clothes and sitting in a wheelchair. It looked like you hadn’t even noticed them, and that you weren’t entirely present either. The boys were moved to stand next to another gentleman that introduced themselves as their lawyer.

“Lawyer!” Kai questioned. “Why do we need a lawyer?”

“The prosecution is pressing charges against you.”

“For what?”

“The injuries y/n-”

“We got caught in the recent riot, she got injured there!”

“I know. We’ll run with that, but on that same note, the riots will certainly make it harder to convince the judge.”

“We’d never hurt her.”

“I know. This shouldn’t really be a case, but some prosecutors really have it out for hybrids as of late and will do anything to hurt them. I’ll do my best to get you all back home.”

They all had so many questions, so much worry over you. Especially how anyone got you roped into this mess. If anything this was the time you needed them most and they hadn’t been by your side at all. Once the proceeding began they could only sit back and watch how all these things unfolded. Although most of them would continue to stare over at you. Even from a distance they could tell you were tired, probably should still be in the hospital too. When they weren’t looking at you their gaze was to the prosecutor. This whole thing seemed suspicious, but they couldn’t do much about it right now. 

“The hybrids present are registered as your emotional support hybrids, correct?”

“Yes.”

Everyone seemed to know you weren’t in a position to be on the stand and talking about anything, but it seemed that the prosecutor insisted you were fine.

“Was this your idea?”

“No, I had-”

“It wasn’t your idea?”

“No…”

“Did they, the hybrids in question, suggest it?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. And our records show you didn’t adopt from a shelter. So, where did you find them?”

“They were living on the street.”

“Had you interacted with them before?”

“Not really…”

“Not really, or not at all?”

“Not at all.”

“So what compelled you to take them in and adopt them?”

“I… they were cute… and I didn’t want to leave them on the streets…”

“You have a good heart. Unfortunately that’s something that can be taken advantage of.”

“What?”

“A while after you adopted those hybrids you stepped away from your job, opting to work from home, correct?”

“Yes.”

“So they have more access to you?”

“I don’t see-”

“Yes or no?”

“Yes…”

“Your honor, this has gone on long enough. What’s the point of all these questions?”

“I’m getting there.”

“Please proceed.” The judge spoke.

“Very well.” The prosecutor cleared their throat. “The hybrids in y/n’s care have been taking advantage of and abusing their owner.”

“Excuse me!” Soobin snapped. “On what-”

Security and the others were immediately getting Soobin to sit back down and be quiet. He wasn’t the only one mad over the absurd statement, but it was hard on all of them to just sit there and watch.

“As I was saying. These hybrids took advantage of y/n’s kind nature. Most people adopt one or two hybrids, but five at a time? That’s quite a big responsibility. They outnumber their owner, and can over power them with ease. Furthermore they suggested becoming her emotional support hybrids, meaning they can follow her to more places. On top of all that her recent injuries-”

“Your honor, those injuries are a result of an attack from rioters.” The lawyer cut in. “They did not hurt their owner.”

“Do you have proof?” The prosecutor asked. “The sudden riot surely put her on edge and her memories of the event may not be clear. It’s the perfect scenario to hurt her and-”

“On what grounds do these hybrids have to hurt her?” The lawyer questioned. “They’ve never done so before.”

“But they have.”

“What?”

“I had further tests run on miss y/n, revealing multiple scars, as well as fading claw marks and bites. Such injuries are known to be caused by hybrids. Miss y/n has received previous abuse by-”

“They didn’t hurt me.” You stated. “I… I engaged… with them… in-”

“Coercion and manipulation. They forced you-”

“We didn’t do anything!” Yeonjun yelled. “She agreed-”

“Sit down.” The lawyer hissed.

“Your honor.” The prosecutor spoke. “Given the information we’ve just learned it’s safe to say miss y/n is not in a good state of mind, and requires psychiatric help. These hybrids have been taking advantage of her in many ways and should not remain in her custody.”

“That’s not true.” You said. “None of that is true! It was my decision, they didn’t-”

In your attempt to change the narrative you had gotten up too fast, making yourself dizzy and pulling on your stitches. You nearly collapsed but a security guard caught you. Now everyone was concerned. Kai couldn’t help himself and jumped over the table, chains and all, wanting to get to you. Security tackled him to the ground though, and the others got rowdy too. Chaos erupted but they weren’t going to get anywhere near you. When they had been restrained the judge slammed their gavel and made a decision. Ultimately siding with the prosecution.

The boys had to be dragged out of the courtroom, screaming out your name, but you couldn’t respond. Once outside they wound tased and thrown back into the van that brought them here. They were mumbling and thrashing around in their restraints. They couldn’t believe what had just happened, and they all wanted to wake up from the nightmare. Instead they wound up back in a cage, left with nothing but despair. It all felt so unreal, and they didn’t even know what came next. They were no longer your hybrids. The prosecutor having made them out to be monsters that used you and hurt you. They weren’t even sure if you were aware of what had happened.

“Wa… what do we do now…” Taehyun mumbled. “Y/n… is she gonna be okay…”

“We can do an appeal or something.” Beomgyu said. “Right? The… the evidence…”

“Something is very wrong here.” Soobin remarked. “That whole situation… y/n… something is going on…”

“What are we supposed to do?” Yeonjun asked. “They got us locked up in cages and we have no idea where they took y/n.”

“I… I don’t know…”

“We have to get out of here first.” Kai added. “We can’t do anything in a cage.”

“Yeah… yeah that’s a good starting point.”

With a goal in mind they could all ease their nerves and focus on something else besides your well being. For the next couple of days they were quiet and well behaved, watching the staff and trying to get as much information as they could. They needed to know the rotations, as well as who had the keys to their cage. It was hard, but they still had enough information to form a decent plan. Although when they found themselves ready they received some horrid news.

“Good news you animals. We’ll no longer be keeping you here.” The person chuckled. “Your kind on the outside has caused enough trouble to justify putting all of you down.”

Those words immediately caused an uproar. Every hybrid yelling and yanking on the cage doors. It didn’t help them break free, and terror filled the atmosphere. The boys were panicking, their whole plan just thrown out the window. Before they could think of an alternative the whole building shook, the lights flickering for a moment. The staff member rushed out of the room, leaving the door open. From there everyone else could hear the loud screams. Next thing they knew a handful of hybrids came in, unlocking all the cages.

More chaos erupted as the ones who had been locked up scrambled out of their confinements and towards the nearest exit. They boys held back for a moment, letting things settle down before making their own escape. On their way out they could see other staff members being attacked and the fires that had erupted in the facility. This wasn’t their problem, so they ignored it and made their way outside. Things weren’t actually better out there. Now it made sense why they were freed. The world outside was on fire, both figuratively and literally. A major riot had broken out, and there was panic and all types of chaos around them.

“Wa… what do we do?” Taehyun questioned.

“The hospital.” Kai said. “Y/n would have been taken back to the hospital, right?”

“Do we even know how to get there from here?” Beomgyu wondered. “I don’t even know where we are.”

“I know where to go.” Soobin stated. “Let’s just try to avoid this mess.”

“That’s easier said than done.” Yeonjun commented.

“We just need to get to y/n, nothing else matters right now. It wasn’t going to be an easy journey through this mess. Both humans and hybrids alike were looting, setting fires, and fighting one another. Sirens could be heard all around, and any law enforcement officers had their hands full breaking up fights. The boys stuck to the shadows, not wanting to draw attention to themselves, but there were still the crazy who just wanted a fight. They couldn’t avoid injury, but they stuck together and chose to run when they had the chance. Even as daylight began to illuminate the world the madness persisted. It was starting to become clear this wasn’t just one chaotic night, but the beginning of something else. They didn’t care for it, focusing on their mission.

It felt like a dream come true when they arrived at the familiar hospital. Although upon stepping inside they realized things weren’t great here. They didn’t care about anyone else though, making their way up to the floor you were on, pushing past anything and anyone that got in their way. All the pain felt worth it when they reached your room, but when they stepped inside they found it empty. Your patient information was still on the bed and outside the door, but you were nowhere to be seen. Kai and Beomgyu immediately went to check the rooms next door, finding them all empty too.

“There’s no one here…”

“They must have evacuated the patients.” Yeonjung realized. “She’s long gone now.”

“There has to be a record of where they sent her though, right?”

“Maybe.”

The boys found the nearest desk, lucky to find a computer logged in. Soobin typed in your name, finding your file. Although there was nothing in there about being transferred. According to the computer you were still in the hospital.

“There’s nothing…”

“Where would she go then?” Taehyun asked. “Where would they take her?”

“To one of the nearest hospitals.” Beomgyu said. “But which one?”

“How would we know?”

While they were discussing, Yeonjun was scanning his surroundings. Without telling anyone he ran off and tackled someone to the ground. The other guys rushed over, seeing that Yeonjun had a nurse pinned down. Before they could question him Yeonjun asked the nurse what had happened, and where patients would be transferred to. They gave them a list of hospitals, and told them that once an explosion had gone off nearby evacuation procedures were started. Many patients were moved before the chaos reached the hospital here.

“What do we do now…” Kai wondered. “She could be anywhere by now… and with the riots… we’ll wind up arrested won’t we? What if we get killed! We almost got-”

“Kai, calm down.” Taehyun pulled him into a hug. “We’ll find her… we will…”

“How…”

“I don’t know yet…”

“Soobin.” Yeonjun spoke. “What should we do?”

“We go home.”

“Huh?”

“We can’t be out on the streets right now, and we need to figure out our next move.”

“But-”

“Y/n’s in a hospital, she’ll be okay.”

“No.”

“What?”

“We have to go find her.” Beomgyu stated. “She’s alone and-”

“Look around you, Beomgyu. Everything is on fire, people and hybrids alike running wild. Look at yourself too, you’re no in condition to be traveling to another town. None of us are.”

“…”

“If we’re not okay, she’ll worry. Besides,” Soobin took in his surroundings. “I don’t think things are going to calm down easily after tonight.”

“What do you mean?” Taehyun questioned.

“Let’s just go home first.”

It was strange to be home without you. They had gotten used to you always being near them, the furthest you ever were was behind a door, but to not have you there at all, it felt wrong. They cleaned themselves up, and watched the world unfold from there. The news reported how the riot they experienced wasn’t just an isolated incident, but one of many that took place that night. To a degree they really had been sheltered, fortunate to have a roof over their bed and a loving owner. Many others weren’t so lucky, and the disparity between humans and hybrids had reached its tipping point. None of them could have ever imagined a revolution taking place.

A couple of days after they got home the news stopped broadcasting, all the channels just stopped. They all knew things had certainly taken a turn for the worse, and their worries over you only grew. It was probably just as dangerous, if not more, to go out into the world now, but circumstances have changed. They packed up some supplies, having their list and directions so they could go out and find you. Soobin kept the emergency phone with him, all of them holding onto the possibility of you calling them. They even left a note at home in case you came back while they were gone.

“So… where do we go first?”

♥♥♥♥♥

When the boys had first set out on their journey they thought they’d find you and be together again in a matter of days, a week or two, but now here they were, months later. Cutting communications was only the beginning. They didn’t really know what was going on with the world, but they only cared to find you. In the coming months they became nomads. They traveled to all the possible locations you could be, but the result was always the same. You weren’t there. Either the hospital itself was in shambles, or you weren’t on record. They even checked with the Jane Does, although none of them wanted to even fathom the idea that you were truly gone.

They weren’t the only nomads around. Many hybrids, and people, found themselves without a home. The world had turned into a dystopia in a matter of weeks. No one really knew what the future held, or how the world would move forward, but what kept them going was finding you. So as they traveled they asked about you, hoping someone had seen you, or perhaps knew where you were. They had pictures of you, and a few of your items, although the scent was faded. It was hard to keep hope, as everyday that went by felt like they were getting further and further from you until they finally had a breakthrough.

“You recognize her?”

“Yeah, she seems familiar.”

“Seriously, hold on a second.”

The boys had been in an abandoned building with some other lost souls, trying to keep warm for the night. They’d take a picture of you and spread out to see if anyone recognized you. For the most part the answer was no, but when Taehyun got a yes he freaked out. He scrambled to get one of your old shirts out for the bog hybrid to smell, and they nodded.

“Smells like her.”

“Where is she? Where did you last see her?”

When the others had heard Taehyun questioning someone they rushed over, also throwing questions at them. Soobin had to tell them all to calm down and listen. 

“She was pretty quiet, traveled with some hybrids. They took care of her but it was obvious she had been through some things. I saw the group again without her and asked, they said they had left her in a care facility.”

“A what?” Yeonjun questioned. “Care facility?”

“I heard that’s where they’ve been keeping humans, no idea what goes on there though.”

“A care facility… hybrids run it?”

“Yeah. Some places are starting to rebuild.”

“Hybrids on top…” Soobin mumbled. “Seems surreal.”

“Better than being beneath them.”

“They weren’t all bad…”

“But the ones in power mostly were.”

“Yeah…”

“I hope you find her. I’m assuming she was your owner?”

“And we were her emotional support hybrids.” Kai commented. “We took care of each other…”

“She seemed like a good person. I’m sure she’s alright and will be happy to see you.”

“I hope so.”

It was reinvigorating to have a destination in mind, t o know for certain that you were alive, and that they could actually see you again. Of course now there was the issue of finding this care facility, and they soon learned there was more than one. Thankfully that wouldn’t be much of a problem. When they found one they inquired about you, showing your picture and giving your name. You weren’t at that location, but you were in the system and they were given the address. They all stared at that piece of paper for a while, unable to believe this was where they could find you after all this time.

They wasted no time making the journey, setting little time aside to actually rest. When they arrived at the care facility they were told you were, they stood outside for a moment, a strange disbelief gripping them tight. There was fear that maybe this was all a mix up, that they had rekindled hope only to be back at square one. Still, they had to know so they made their way inside. They went through the whole intro and asked about you again. It took a moment but it seemed that this was the place. Another hybrid came over and introduced themselves, intending to show them around the facility.

“What is a care facility…” Taehyun mumbled. “What do you do here…”

“It’s in the name, we care for humans.”

“Why though… they did a lot of bad things…”

“And we’re not them. Besides, not all humans are bad. You’re here to see the human that was once your owner, right?”

“Yeah…”

The facility was a lot bigger than they expected, and there was a decent number of humans there. They seemed to be doing alright, happy even, as if the world hadn’t fallen apart.

“Where’s y/n?” Kai asked. “I don’t see her around here.”

“Y/n is a special case.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t worry, she’s doing well, but her situation requires extra attention. She’s kept in her own room and attended to personally.”

“Why is that the case?” Yeonjun asked nervously. “What happened?”

“It’s… complicated… are you aware of the war that went on?”

“We avoided that.” Soobin answered. “And kept to ourselves while we traveled. We were lucky not to get so involved.”

“Indeed, but unfortunately y/n didn’t share in your fate.”

“What do you mean?”

“Humans were well aware they did not match us in power, even with their toys, and they’re own kind weren’t lining up to take arms. Supposedly some organization rounded up those that were injured by hybrids, intending to turn their hurt into anger and get them to fight.”

“Are you saying… y/n was tortured…” Beomgyu whimpered. “… she… she…”

“I only have the basic information of what happened. Any details… well I honestly don’t know where you could get them, the hybrid that dropped her off here let us know of her past. She never set foot on the battlefield though, the only injury she has is the one on her chest.”

“Oh… but she’s okay?”

“She’s doing well.”

The boys were led away from the main facility and to a more quiet area. They passed by multiple rooms, seeing some humans behind the glass. Eventually they came to a stop, all of them stepping closer to the window. They didn’t see anyone, but they could tell someone was lying in bed under the sheets.

“Can we see her?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“What?”

“Given her circumstances she can’t have unauthorized guests.”

“But it’s us.” Yeonjun countered. “She knows us, I’m sure she’s missed us as much as we have.”

“I understand you knew her in the past but-”

“We came here to take her home.” Soobin stated. “Now let us in.”

“Home? She is not leaving this facility-”

“Ya!”

Yeonjun suddenly tackled the other hybrid, searching them for a keycard. When he got it he tossed it over to Taehyun, who quickly got the door open. No one needed to be told what to do then, they all rushed into the room. Soobin knelt down by the bedside, carefully pulling back the cover. He couldn’t describe the joy he felt in seeing your sleeping face. He carefully brushed a strand of hair out of your face.

“Y/n…”

The others were also overjoyed to see you again, and Yeonjun made his way inside when he had a chance. Soobin pulled back the cover some more, revealing something unexpected. In your arms you had five plushies. Three dogs and two cats, all different styles but the colors of the fur matched them.

“Y/n… hey… sweetie… wake up…”

“Hm…”

You groaned, rubbing your face against the pillow. You peeked your eyes open a bit, seeing Soobin. A soft smile appeared on your face.

“Hi…”

“Hi… it’s so good to see you again…”

“You’re always in my dreams…”

“Dreams? Y/n, this isn’t a dream. It’s real, I’m here, we’re all here.”

“Huh?”

You felt a hand gently pet your head, reaching up yourself and feeling the warmth attached to it.

“Soobin…”

“Hi.”

You sat up and reached over to touch Soobin’s face. Tears began to sting your eyes as you realized he was real. He gave you a soft smile, wiping away some tears. You jumped into his arms for a hug, starting to cry. Then you felt another hand on your head, looking over to see the rest of your boys there too.

“… you… you’re all… real… you’re here…”

“Yes, yes we’re here, we’re real.”

“Get them out of here!”

“What!?”

What appeared to be security entered the room, grabbing the boys and trying to drag them out. You saw the commotion and held onto Soobin tighter.

“No, no, no, no, don’t go, don’t-”

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

As the two of you were surrounded Soobin kept a hold of you. He was grabbed, his arms being pried off of you. He tried to hold on, to fight back, but the second they could pull you away they did. You screamed and thrashed, crying for Soobin until you felt a pinch in your neck. You were left to sob until you passed out. Soobin continued to fight though, but was ultimately carried out of the room and thrown back out to the lobby with the rest of his brothers.

“Give her back to us right now!” Beomgyu yelled.

“That’s not going to happen.”

“And who are you!”

“The person in charge of this facility.”

“She’s not someone you can just keep!”

“And what right do you have to take her?”

“She’s ours!” Yeonjun stated. “We took care of her and-”

“You took care of her?”

“We’re her emotional support hybrids.”

The owner scoffed. “Very well, say I let you have her, where will you be taking her?”

“Home.”

“And where is that? Under a bridge?”

“We have a place.”

“And is it still standing? Do you have a means of providing for her? Food and other necessities. What about looking after her health? Her condition does require medication, and her injuries must be looked after with care. You said you’ve been traveling since this whole disaster started, she can’t just travel with all of you, so what is your plan here?”

“I… we…”

“We are not our predecessors. They handed over our kind to any human who could pay enough, not interested in the type of person they gave us too, or the plans they had for us, or if they were even capable of looking after us. We are not them. I can see she means a lot to you, I understand why she refused to let go of those plushies she has, but if you wish to look after her now, you need to prove that you can actually take care of her.”

“How exactly are we supposed to prove that?” Taehyun questioned.

“Right now many of us are in a state of rebuilding. Find yourselves a home, some stability, a way to continue your lives in a manner that can allow you to look after her and keep her safe. She’ll be here until then, I promise you that.”

♥♥♥♥♥

It was weird to walk out of that place without you. They had found you, and yet they couldn’t take you home. Then again they didn’t have a home. They hadn’t had one since they lost you. They were so close, and yet still so far.

“What do we do now?” 

“We go home.” Soobin said. 

“What? But-”

“We go home, and make sure we can actually look after y/n.”

Some wanted to argue, but considering how things just went down, they weren’t going to get to see you any time soon. It was a rather long journey home, but they made it nonetheless. The town they once called home was in ruins to a degree. They were fortunate enough to find the apartment building they had left behind in one piece. It wasn’t easy to get in as they had to move some ruble out of the way, but they got inside and went up to their old home. From the outside everything seemed okay, but there was only one way to know for sure. Soobin still had the key, and he was a bit shaky as he unlocked the door.

There was no light inside, electricity was cut off long ago. The sun was still out, so they had daylight to illuminate their path, and some flashlights. It was haunting to walk in there. Everything was still in its place, covered in dust, like time stopped. Yeonjun grabbed the note they had left behind in case you came back, crumbling it up in his hand. It had been so long since any of them had been back here, and it felt unfair to come back without you. Still, you weren’t lost in the world anymore, they just had to make this place a home again and they could all be reunited.

“Let’s get started.”

They got to cleaning, making the place feel like a home again. The rest of the building was abandoned, and soon enough they noticed clean up crews in the area. It really did appear that the world was rebuilding. Since no one else was around Soobin thought about taking over the building, getting it cleaned up properly and providing homes for those who needed it. He never imagined he’d wind up a building owner. It was kind of nice though, making friends with other hybrids. They had always stuck to themselves before when on the streets, and even when you adopted them they mostly stayed home. Before everything changed they were probably on the verge of a new chapter, but they took a detour.

About a week later things kinda felt like before. It was eerie to look out the window and see the world turning. The only difference was that the streets were occupied by hybrids and not humans. That was the only change. Everyone was kind, it was more of a community as they all helped each other out. They didn’t have to worry about food, or any other living necessities. Life felt like a dream, but it wasn’t complete, not yet. When the big day came everyone was giddy. Soobin was happy to see them all happy, but the big thing still had to be done. Yeonjun was also overjoyed to actually get to drive. Before it had been old junk cars, but this, this was a beauty.

“How long is the drive?” Kai asked.

“A couple of hours.” 

Beomgyu whined. “We’re gonna be gone all day?”

“We’ll be home by nighttime.” Soobin explained. “So don’t worry.”

A road trip was fun. Usually it was the things you did along the way, but they were excited for the destination. They could see how much things had changed, how the world had grown. Although they all got serious upon arriving at the care facility. It was still there, and as the promise went you’d still be there too. Soobin took charge, being the first one in. Things did look different, but he kept himself together, at least one of them had to.

“We’re here for y/n.”

“Hm… follow me.”

Soobin couldn’t imagine what you went through when adopting them. They just got taken to the vet and got their shots. Who knows what you did on the other end. This was probably the closest he’d get.

“How is she?”

“She’s been well, although after your last visit, and your actions, she’s needed some extra care. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.”

They were led back over to the room you had been in before. This time though they could see you were awake, sitting in the corner with a book in hand, your plushies in your lap.

“We’re not gonna get dragged out by security again, are we?” Taehyun questioned.

“No, but that depends on her. If she’s alright with you, then everything will be fine.”

This time they were allowed in. When the door opened you looked up, you were expecting a staff member but instead saw some familiar faces. Tears stung your eyes and you got up, rushing over to your boys. They met you halfway, pulling you into a hug.

“Are you really here?”

“Yes, yes we are.” Yeonjun assured. “And we’re gonna go home, for real.”

Yeonjun wiped away your tears, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. He helped you to your feet, giving you a piggyback ride. Beomgyu picked up your plushies following behind and played with them a bit. You hadn’t been outside of your room in so long, so it was a bit scary. You snuggled against Yeonjun, just holding on. If this was a dream you didn’t want to wake up. When you stepped outside the fresh air was nice and you took a deep breath.

“Pretty…”

“Just like you.”

Kai opened the back door of the car, getting in first and then helping you get in. Before Yeonjun could get in, Taehyun shoved his way inside, reminding him that he was the driver and wanting to sandwich you in. They each held one of your hands, Kai nuzzling your neck and making you giggle. Beomgyu hopped in after the others, Soobin doing a headcount, staring at you fondly for a while before shutting the door.

“Do you have everything?”

“Yes.” Soobin answered. “I’ll make sure she takes her medication, and we’ll keep a close eye on her injuries.”

“They’ve mainly healed by now, but still need care. The last thing to note is that you will need to bring her back for an evaluation.”

“I understand.”

“Then you can be on your way. Expect to hear from us in a few weeks.”

“Will do.”

Soobin got in the car, hearing your laughter. The two with you were tickling you, smiles on everyone’s face. This whole scene was different, but it was right. The journey home had a lot more happiness, but as night fell everyone in the back fell asleep. Now it was just Yeonjun and Soobin in the front.

“Is there anything I should know?” Yeonjun asked.

“About what?”

“Being y/n’s owners. The roles have changed for us.”

“Not entirely. We still look after each other, we’re just the ones responsible for her this time.”

“And that’s not a common thing. Hybrids having humans around.”

“Not yet, but I’m sure that’ll change. Not all humans were bad.”

“True.”

When they arrived back home the pair gently woke the others up, but they let you sleep. Soobin got you out of the car and carried you inside. Although as they got to the apartment you began to wake up. Seeing your home, it made everything else feel like a dream, and you had finally woken up.

“We… we’re home…”

“Yeah, we’re home.” Beomgyu kissed your cheek. “Finally.”

“Let’s get you to bed.” Taehyun smiled.

“No, I want to stay up.”

“You’re gonna mess up your sleep schedule if you stay up.” Yeonjun pet your head. “Besides, I’m sure we’re all tired from the trip.”

“Okay…”

You had a little pout, but let Soobin carry you over to the bedroom. He put you down and you crawled over to the center of the bed, snuggling the sheets. It all smelled like home, and it made you feel safe. One by one the others crawled into bed too, cuddling you and holding you close. You hadn’t noticed the silent tears on your face, but they did. Kai gently wiped them away, whispering soothing words that you were alright, and nothing bad was gonna happen again. Even if you wanted to stay up, you wound up easily falling asleep, surrounded by the warmth of your loved ones.

♥♥♥♥♥

Even if the boys were overjoyed to have you home, they found themselves having some trouble sleeping. They’d wake up randomly, seeing everyone else asleep, or maybe even catching another awake. Still, they returned to sleep, that is until Beomgyu woke up to discover you were missing.

“Y/n… y/n!”

His panic woke the others up, and they all quickly scrambled out of the bedroom, running around the house. When Taehyun found you by the window he called out to the others, going over to hug you from behind.

“There you are…”

“Hi.”

“Don’t scare us like that.”

“You were all sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Still.” Soobin said, coming over. “We were worried.”

“Sorry…”

“It’s okay. We’re all still here together.”

“What are you doing up?” Yeonjun asked. “Trouble sleeping?”

“Yeah… I didn’t see much before, but now… things have changed… it’s the same view, but it’s also not…”

“Things have changed.” Soobin agreed. “But we’re all together again.”

“Yeah…”

“Y/n.”

“Hm?”

“When… or if… you ever want to talk about what happened… we’re here for you.”

“What about you? What happened to you? That night… and the coming days are fuzzy…”

“Are you sure you want to talk about it now?”

“I want to know…”

Soobin pulled you close to him, holding your hand. Daylight was peeking over the horizon, slowly welcoming the new day.

“After that incident… we wound up arrested, mistaken for rioters. We cleared things up at the station and got directions to the hospital. Although when we got there there was security. They wouldn’t let us in your room… and we got arrested for real…”

“What happened at the hospital?” Taehyun asked. “Why couldn’t we see you?”

“I’m not so sure… I was given medication… I remember someone looking over my wounds… talking about revenge… that whole court scene… I don’t know what happened… but you’re okay right?”

“Yeah, of course.” Yeonjun assured. “We got separated from you and… the world changed, but we’ve been looking for you ever since.”

“You lived on the streets again?”

“We had to find you.”

“Hm…” You stared out the window. “I don’t know what happened to me… it’s all a blur… yelling and pain… talks of revenge and helping… none of it made sense… I didn’t know what was happening… or what was going to happen… but I was so worried about you…”

Tears started falling down your cheeks, and the boys gathered around to comfort you. Beomgyu wiped them away, kissing your head and assuring you everything was okay.

“We’re all okay now. This isn’t a dream.”

“Promise…”

“I promise.”

“I’m so sorry…” Soobin added. “If we hadn’t… we should have stayed home…”

“It’s not your fault.” You reached over to pet him. “What matters is we found each other again.”

“I’m sorry…”

“We’re here now.”

“I know…”

“How did you…” Taehyun mumbled. “The place we found you… how did you get there…”

“I’m not entirely sure… I was rescued from that hell… the hybrids were so nice… and we traveled together but… I know I wasn’t all there… and I knew I was holding them back…” You took a moment. “Where was I? The hybrids were nice…”

“It was a care facility.” Kai explained. “No idea who started it, but it’s a place where humans are looked after and safe.”

“Like an adoption center… things really got flipped around.”

“I don’t know much about adoption, but were gonna take good care of you.”

“I know you will. Shall I make breakfast?”

“I can do it!” Beomgyu volunteered.

“Let’s do it together.”

In a strange way things did go back to the way they were, although you no longer had a job. It was like your weekends had been extended indefinitely, but you didn’t have to worry about anything else. When you asked about it Soobin just told you it was his responsibility and not to concern yourself with it. To a degree it left you feeling a bit uneasy, but you had to trust him, and remind yourself how it was before. You never burdened them with your struggles of work, or made them worry about the roof over their heads. You figured it out and worked hard, now they were doing the same for you.

Now that you had more time on your hands you focused on some old hobbies. You got better at cooking, even tried your hand at pastries. The amount of flour you’d have to clean up was hilarious, and the boys certainly looked funny with it in their fur. Overall, everyone was happy, and that’s what mattered most. You could enjoy every day without a worry in the world. Although there were things you kept to yourself, or at least you thought you did. The boys were aware you had trouble sleeping, waking up from nightmares that you wouldn’t remember in the morning. It would probably be worse if you didn’t take your medication.

They had gotten used to waking up over your soft cries, pulling you into their arms and holding you close until you calmed down again. They’d never bring this up to you, wanting you to remain happy and healthy. Whenever you’d sleep in someone would stay with you too, making sure you weren’t alone. Everything was good, and because of that they had forgotten about an important event coming up. Well, the little ones seemed to have forgotten but it remained fresh in Soobin’s mind. Not to mention as the days went by he started to get concerned about it.

“Why don’t we go out today?” Kai asked. “To the park or-”

“I wanna stay home.” You chimed in. “Let’s have a movie night. We can be in a big cuddle pile.”

“That sounds great!”

No one seemed to notice at first, and Soobin wasn’t concerned either, but he soon realized there was a pattern going on.

“Y/n, what are we missing in the pantry?”

“Oh, I can make you a list.”

“You gonna come with us to the store?”

“I thought we had items delivered to us?”

“Yeah, but we want to go out today.” Beomgyu said. “You should come.”

“Uh… I’m good.” You smiled. “Just be safe, and hurry back.”

“Will do.” Taehyun cheered.

Yeonjun stuck back with you, chilling in a pillow pile on the floor with the TV on. You were mindlessly petting Yeonjun, humming to yourself.

“Y/n.”

“Hm?”

“Should we make plans for a little journey?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m curious to go to some places and see what they’ve become.”

“They’re probably all better, or gone.”

“But don’t you wanna go see?”

“I’m okay. I can see a lot from out the window.”

“You’re right. Just an idea.”

When the others came back you jumped out of your seat to help them, wanting to put all the items away and discuss dinner plans. Yeonjun stayed put, soon joined by Soobin.

“Hyung.”

“Hm?”

“Y/n hasn’t been out of the house since we brought her home.”

“I know.”

“Her evaluation is coming up.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think she’s gonna wanna go…”

“I think you’re right.” Soobin sighed. “We need to bring it up before the day of, and talk about this.”

“Any idea why she’s like this?”

“The last time she stepped outside she didn’t come home for months. I understand why she’s not eager to leave, for anything.”

“True.”

“We’ll talk to her tomorrow, so let the others know, but in secret.”

“Will do.”

Soobin was dreading this, alright imagining the worst case scenario. You probably weren’t going to be happy with the conversation, but it couldn’t be avoided forever.

“Morning, y/n.”

“Hi, Soobin…”

“You sleep okay?”

“Hm… yeah…” You snuggled against him. “You?”

“I always sleep well when I have you.”

“Me too.”

“It seems like a nice day, should we go out?”

“Nah… let’s have a lazy day.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” Soobin took a breath. “Y/n.”

“Hm?”

“Your evaluation is coming up.”

“My what?”

“It’s your check up.”

“Oh, a doctor is gonna come here?”

“No. We need to take you back to the-”

“Take me back?” You got up. “Take me back where?”

“The care facility you were at so they-”

“Why?”

“For a check up. You-”

“Someone can just come here.”

“Y/n, I know you’re scared, trust me, I’ve been there, but everything’s going to be fine. We’ll leave in the morning and-”

“No.”

“No?”

“I don’t wanna go.”

“You have to. It’s impor-”

“I said no.”

You got out of bed and left the room, Soobin quickly chased after you. He grabbed your arm and pulled you back, although you fought against him.

“Let go!”

“Y/n, we need to talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I don’t want to go.”

“You have to.”

“You can’t make me!”

“Y/n, you haven’t been out of the house in weeks now.”

“I’m fine!”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am! And if I’m gonna go out it won’t be for some dumb check up!”

“It’s not dumb! You have a huge scar on your chest and you have trouble sleeping sometimes!”

“I… I do not…”

Soobin sighed. “Y/n, please. Everything-”

“No! I said no!”

“Y/n…”

The others had heard the commotion and came over to the hallway. They knew Soobin was gonna talk to you, but they hadn’t thought it would turn into shouting. Taehyun stepped towards you, taking your hand.

“None of us ever liked going to the vet, we were scared something would happen and we wouldn’t come back home with you… so we get you’re scared…”

“I’m not sick.”

“We know, but it’s still important to have a check up, and it’s more than just that…”

“A lot happened.” Beomgyu added. “We just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“But I-”

“I am not losing you again.” Soobin stated. “And if we don’t go for your eval, they’ll take you away.”

“… wa… what? Why?”

“Cause we have to be better.” Yeonjun said. “We have to be sure we can, and have been taking good care of you.”

“But you are, I trust you and-”

“A lot has changed, remember? Humans may not have always been nice to our kind, but we won’t make them suffer the way we have.”

“So check ups… and all that… are mandatory…”

“Yes.”

“We’re all gonna go and come back.” Kai remarked. “It’ll be a road trip, and nothing bad is gonna happen. We promise.”

“You can’t promise that…”

“But I can promise that no matter what happens, we’ll be together.” Soobin pulled you towards him. “No one is ever going to separate us again, I promise, we promise. We love you.”

Soobin pulled you into a hug, the others soon joining in. They all surrounded you, making happy noises and making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You still had a lot of worries, but in times like this they reminded you that you still had them, you always would. You had each other, and nothing was going to change that, not even if the world changed around you.

“I love you all too.”

#tomorrow by together #soobin #yeonjun #beomgyu #taehyun #huening kai #choi soobin #choi yeonjun #choi beomgyu #kang taehyun #jung kai #txt #txt au #txt scenarios #tomorrow by together au #tomorrow by together scenarios #request

[jakeysbuttsheeks]

Godfather 1v

Warnings: profanity, age gap , mature themes, mentions of : overdose , drug use , substance use , death of parent , orphaning , other weird shit

Pairings: Jake X fem reader

Masterlist

You woke up in your bed , assuming Jake had carried you to bed last night after you fell asleep on his lap .

You were glad Jake and you had gone back to how it was when you were younger. You remembered particularly when Jake and your dad were barely adults and how much fun you used to have with them. It's a shame it had to end . But hopefully you and Jake could continue to keep it living through.

You took your time getting up , it was Sunday . But the thought of having to go work and your boss giving you a mouthful made you dread ever wanting to wake up tomorrow.

You grab your phone to see if your boss had replied to the text you sent him yesterday saying you couldn't make it to work .

Well fuck.

You slogged down stairs after you read the text your boss sent you , on your way to find Jake .

"what's wrong?" Jake asked as soon as you came down , he was sitting on the loveseat, watching some random show to down his coffee.

"I guess we both had to bear the consequences of having fun yesterday" you as you throw yourself on the couch .

"what do you mean?" Jake sets his coffee down on the short coffee table in front of him .

"I got fired" you sigh .

"the bastard! You're literally a kid! Does he really expect you to slog for him every single !?" Jake immediately got defensive.

"I guess so" you sigh again .

"I'm going to go find another job" you stand off the couch and decide not to waste another day.

"wait-" Jake stopped .

"I remember our manager saying we needed a- what's it called?- social media person- s social media strategist" Jake snapped his fingers when he got the name.

"jake-" you sigh " the whole point of having a job is so that I can pay you back for taking care of me and earn enough to get out of your hair without your help." You say .

"I'm only telling you there's a job for you. I'm not going to be paying you, my manager will do that" he says , searching his pockets for something.

"wait let me just call her" he says as he quickly pulls his phone out of his pocket.

"Jake you don't have to-" you shake your head .

"it's my job to take care of you and make sure you're ready to settle down on your own. Let me do what I'm supposed to" Jake says as he puts his phone to his ear .

You knew you already got the job before the phone call even ended . Ofcourse, Jake had to get his way.

"now you don't need to worry. You can just come to work with me" Jake smiles proudly as he ends the call with his manager. You didn't find it amusing. You didn't enjoy receiving things from people without feeling guilty about it.

"you really shouldn't have" you say , trying to prevent the corners of your mouth from drooping uncontrollably.

"why? It's about time you got into the music industry with your talents" Jake says , knowing this was going to be the start of something bigger . All the guitar lessons Jake had given you was finally going to pay off one day .

You would have more exposure to Jake and his band and understand how the music industry worked .

Growing up with a musically enriched community of people that got together and played tunes every weekend for your whole life did play a huge part in your secret desire to become a rockstar like Jake . But the idea seemed so impossible. You hated being on stage , and hated hearing yourself sing .

Jake had always been your idol and you secretly always wanted to be like him or- be with him? You didn't know . But you loved everything he did and you wished you could do it all with him .

When the band started exploding and Jake started touring, you'd watch behind the screen while you had to take care of your wasting away father .

But this was a chance . An opportunity to capture your dream . You wanted to earn it and not be handed it though. Jake knew that .

That's why he offered for you to start off as staff , to learn the music industry and perhaps beat it in hopes to share your own music with the world .

You remembered when the times you spent with Jake when he thought you guitar. He cheered you on when you got each thing right . He said you were gifted but you always believed it was all behind the teacher rather than the student.

☆⋆⋅─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────⋆⋅☆

You sat in your room and picked up your guitar that Jake had gifted you . it was lying in it's case in the corner of your room for a while. You plugged it in and smiled, reminiscing all the times you had with the guitar back when you were younger and didn't have to worry about adult things like money.

The first song to decided to play was a song that reminded you of Jake alot , baby I love your way by Peter Frampton. You adjusted the volume and gain so you wouldn't disturb Jake .

You started playing, descending into your own world, imaging you were on stage with the crown yelping for joy when they heard you play , adding on little riffs and licks . You wished you could be like Jake . Such a boon , here to heal all the world with his music.

Jake's ears perked the minute he heard the sound of a guitar that wasn't coming from him . He listened silently but you played so quietly, he could faintly hear your voice along with the guitar.

He couldn't help but creep his way upstairs, hoping to catch more of you playing and singing by yourself .

Your door was not closed fully , exposing a little crack , just enough to give him a good sight of you on your bed with your guitar on your lap .

His jaw dropped as he watched you , mesmerised , watching the way you so blissfully streamed into the song , strumming away while singing your heart out , little did he know , it was him you were thinking of while singing.

He couldn't help the hearts that swelled in his eyes as he watched you . Like he just knew you were meant for him .

He loved how you sounded and how you played guitar , like it was the only sound that could save him .

He loved how your eyes were closed tight , lost in your own word . And how you eyebrows were pinched together and tilted up , letting your emotions take over . He loved everything about watching you play and he wished he could watch you this way forever .

You abruptly stopped and practically jumped out of your skin when you heard a soft thump, you opened your eyes to see Jake by the door , with glassy eyes , his mouth dropped open .

"shit Jake you scared me!" You close your eyes tight for a second to calm yourself.

"that was fucking beautiful y|n-" he spoke like he was at loss for words as he opened the door wider to let himself in .

"you've gotten so good! You deserve to be on a fucking stage!" Jake yelled , walking into your room .

"shut up" you mutter , blushing hard.

"I'm not kidding! Jesus- you sounded so amazing" Jake says and you couldn't help but want to stuff your face in a pillow and scream .

"thank means so much coming from a rockstar" you smile , reminding yourself of who he was.

"don't kid yourself you're right there" Jake says as made himself comfortable on your bed in front of you .

"remember when you struggled to play F because it was a Barre chord and I made you keep trying so you threw a tantrum and said you hated me and said you'll never be like me?" Jake asked and you're eyes widened when you were reminded of something you'd completely forgotten.

"oh my god" you laugh , covering your face in embarrassment to think about how you screamed at him that time. You were in your raging teens.

"look at you now, Bloody spitting image of me" Jake teased and you shake your head.

"I'll still never be like you" you laugh lightly as you put your guitar down .

"you'll be better" Jake says placing his hand in your knee as you move to sit closer to him .

"no one's better than you" you mumble.

"everyone's better than me!" Jake scoffed with a laugh of disbelief.

"not to me they're not" you second.

"aw" Jake teased at your confession with a smug but also shy smile .

"okay you're not THAT great" you lie in embarrassment , rolling your eyes to seem like you're annoyed with him .

"sure. Liar!" he charges at you , tickling your sides because he knew that was where you were most ticklish.

You scream and fell back into your pillows , trying to get rid of him but all you could do was historically laugh in agony and wriggle under his touch .

Another thing you'd forgotten about was how Jake would tickle you everytime you lied as a kid . You dreaded his tickle attacks because he would never stop till you admit you were lying. And given he was much stronger than you , you couldn't fight him .

"Jake stop!" You scream through laughs , almost breaking into tears with the way your stomach contracted with hearty laughter .

"admit it" he teases as he fights your limbs to tickle you nonstop . At this point he was hovered on top of you , his hair falling down and curtaining around his face as he laughed at you menacingly.

"fine! FINE!" You cry out , barely able to breathe with the way you were laughing. He finally ceased and you whined in relief as your laughter died out, your cheeks aching.

Jake was still giggling, looking down at you with his arms propping his upper body over yours.

There was a silent exchange of intense eye contact before he lifted off you , clearing his throat as he sat back down by the foot of your bed . You sat up with his motion , still tired from laughing.

"are you coming with me to work or what?" Jake asks as he stand off your bed .

"now? Today?" You ask .

"yes today. Get your lazy ass up let's go . I'm leaving in 10" Jake says as he heads to your door . He knew fully well you weren't lazy and that you were actually very hardworking but he liked to tease.

He was excited to bring you to work with him for some reason. Excited that you'd be working with him and spending more time with him now . He was excited to have your skill . He was excited to have your company. He was was excited to have you.

Tags :

@mackalah @mindastreamofcolours @jjwasneverhere @themoreyou-love @gvf23 @sarah-gvf01 @thetroublegetssoloud71 @violetstarcatcher @brookekiszkaa @gvfmarge @mulberrimouse

#greta van fleet #jake gvf #jake kiszka #jacob thomas kiszka #gvf #jake kiska fic #gvf fanfiction #greta van fic #gvf smut #jake kiszka one shot #jake kiszka smut #jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiskza x reader #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka fluff #jake kiszka smuts #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet smut #greta van smut #greta van fleet fanfic #gvf fic #gvf imagine #gvf jake #godfather gvf #godfather

[actuallysara]

Hey I'm sorry to bother you about this but I know you're going to the convention in paris and I would really like to come too but I've never been to a convention before so I really don't have any idea of how these events work and I don't even know where to start? Do you have any tips for me? 😭

Hello anon, this is not a bother at all! this turned out into a full DREAMIT CONVENTIONS GUIDE so I apologize in advance lol but hopefully it will help you and other people out! You can also always dm me about it, I really don't mind talking about it or helping people out in any way I can.

This is all from my experience at DINAH last year so please mind that some things might be a bit different for FRR but here you go:

DREAMIT:

This is dreamit website (you can select the language on the menù at the top on the right), twitter and instagram.

I suggest you turn their notifications on to keep updated since twitter and instagram are where they make all their announcements.

WHEN AND WHERE:

WHEN: June 3rd and 4th, 2023

WHERE: Centre Evénementiel Mairie de Courbevoie in 7 Bd Aristide Briand, 92400 Courbevoie, Paris, France.

The location is not in the city centre but there are several big chain hotels nearby such as: Best Western, Ibis and Mercury hotels among the many.

How to reach the location from the city centre: either by metro, train, taxi or uber. If you use public transports get ready to walk a bit.

GUEST LIST:

Guests are announced whenever Dreamit gets a signed contract. According to their last update (March 2023) they're now focusing on bringing more Station 19 and Grey's Anatomy guests while 911 Lone Star guests are currently on hold. There will be minimum 10 guests.

So far the guests announced are: Stefania Spampinato from Station 19 (bonus guest), Ronen Rubinstein and Rafael Silva from 911 Lone Star (regular guests).

BONUS & REGULAR GUESTS: the difference is basically on their request and their cachet. Bonus guests cost more and their activities will therefore be more expensive than regular ones.

PAYEMENT:

You can pay on their website with credit or debit card, by wire transfer and with PayPal. PayPal gives you the option to split your payement into 4 parts if you want.

ACCESS PASSES:

You need to have one of the below passes to access the event and to purchase extras:

FIRST RESPONDERS PASS: a pass for the whole weekend. It can be paid in 2 parts. In this case you need to buy the First Responders Pass 1/2 first and then the First Responders Pass 2/2.

EMERGENCY PASS: a pass for 1 day only, either Saturday or Sunday.

FAST ACCESS:

This is an extra pass that gives you priority for activities for all/some guests, they basically let you skip queues:

Fast access+ will give you priority access to all the guests activities for 1 day only (you need to choose for which day or you can get it for both days).

Fast access Stefania/Ronen/Rafael/etc etc will give you priority access for the activities of the chosen guest(s) for 1 day only (you need to choose for which day or you can get it for both days).

I personally don't recommend getting these cause they're expensive and not worth it in my opinion. Queues are not that long anyway and there's time for everyone to get their extra done so there's literally no rush. Also sometimes these priorities in line aren't really respected and queues are where most friendship start so just take advantage of that!

PACKS:

Packs allow you to buy extras in a bundle and save a bit of money. They are on sale per guest and per day:

REGULAR PACKS: include a photo, an autograph and a selfie for 1 day only for 1 guest.

FULL PACKS: include a photo, an autograph, a selfie and an individual meeting room for 1 day only for 1 guest.

ACTIVITIES:

You will get a complete schedule of all the activites 1 week before the convention by email.

Every activity gets announced on screen in the panel room. So you don't have to wander around waiting for the activity to start or for your turn. You just need to sit in the panel room and wait for the activity to get announced. Once the activity has started, you can go where it will take place. Staff members will be everywhere to help you out in case you need it. Photo ops are all taken in one room, autographs in another and meeting rooms in other rooms.

PANEL ROOMS: with any pass you can get access to ALL panels for all guests. In a panel you basically have the guest(s) on stage and you can ask them questions going through a moderator first. They usually last 30 minutes.

MEETING ROOMS: they're basically a panel but have place in a separate room with a limited number of people (max. 30 people + guest(s)). They last 30 minutes. You can ask the guest(s) questions and just talk with them. At the end a group photo is taken. Sometimes they let you take an individual photo/selfie with them instead. These meetings can also come under the form of breakfasts, tea time, board games, etc etc. Meetings can be individual (with one guest only), or group ones (with 2 or more guests). The duo/group meetings usually happens with actors from the same show or who portray a couple on screen (see Ronen Rubinstein and Rafael Silva). There's usually an individual meeting per guest per day and a duo/group meeting per guests per day.

1:1s: usually very limited. You have 3 minutes with the guest alone. At the end you'll get a selfie with them.

PHOTO OPS: it's your chance to get a photo with the guest(s). There are individual photo, duo/trio and group photo ops. There are usually 2 photo op sessions per guests and per duo/trio/group per day (one in the morning and one in the afternoon). If you want you can show guests what pose you want to do on your phone or you can just explain it to them. Obviously no inappropriate poses are allowed and guests are allowed to say no if they don't feel comfortable with any suggestion. At the end of the day you will get printed copies of all your photos. Once the convention is over you will get the chance to buy the digital copies too.

AUTOGRAPHS: it's your chance to get autographs from the guests and this is the only moment where you can give them gifts if you brought any. You can get signed anything you want, something you brought from home or photos that you can buy at the convention. You can ask guests to write anything you want on the autographs and have them personalised.

SELFIES: they happen at the same time as autographs so you need to have an autograph if you want a selfie. If you have a selfie ticket but not an autograph one, they won't allow you to take a selfie with them. So you get the autograph done and then you can take a selfie with them. You can ask the guest to take it for you if you want.

PARTY: limited. It happens on Saturday night and NOT all guests will be attending (Stefania Spampinato will be there, Ronen Rubinstein and Rafael Silva won't).

ONLINE ACTIVITIES:

Sometimes they add some online activities so that people who can't be there in person have the chance to interact with the guests too:

ONLINE 1:1s: it usually happens on zoom and you get 3 minutes with the guest alone. At the end you'll get a screenshot of the two of you.

ONLINE 3:1s: it usually happens on zoom and you get 5 minutes with the guest and 2 other fans. At the end you'll get a screenshot of the group.

SHIPPED AUTOGRAPHS: you can order autographs from guests that will be shipped to your home. Dreamit will give you photo options so that you can choose which one you want to get signed and you will have to email them your personal details, shipping info and any request you have for your autographs so that you can get it personalised. They might take some time to get delivered.

VIDEO RECORDINGS: you can order a video recording from guests. You will have to email them any request you have for your video so that it will be personalised. If you don't have any special request the guest will just record a general video. The lenght of the videos is usually around 1 minute but depends on the guest. They will be sent it to you by email. They might take some time to arrive.

TO KEEP IN MIND:

DISCOUNTS: Dreamit has a fidelity program called "Dream It Club" so that you can accumulate discount points with each purchase made. You need to sign up for it here. It's 1 point for 1€ spent: -10% with 500 points, -20% with 1000 points, -40% with 4000 points, -50% with 6000 points.

FANBOOKS: if you want to do a fanbook for a guest you need to fill in a survey that Dreamit will post on twitter to show your interest. You need to have a pass beforehand. Dreamit will randomly pick a winner and contact them directly to be in charge of it.

Bring water and food with you. They don't have stands at the convention where you can buy something to drink or eat so be prepared in advance. There are some grocery stores in the area where you can go during lunch breaks if you want.

The convention place has no running AC so be aware that it's gonna be very hot in there but bring a jacket too cause it gets chilly outside in the evening.

There are several bathrooms at the location.

IMPORTANT:

VIDEOS: the general rule is that you cannot film anything including guests except for the welcoming and farewell parts of the panel room. You can film some bits here and there of panels as long as they're not too long. They'll be making a DVD of the event so they don't want people to leak the whole thing before that happens.

PHOTOS: you can take as many pictures as you want during panels. You cannot take pictures of the guests anywhere else or during any other activity.

AUDIO RECORDINGS: you cannot record anything at any time.

BE DECENT: people are there to have fun, have a good time and share the experience with other like minded people. Every single person will get their chance and time to interact with the guests. If you have a ticket for an activity you will get that activity done. If something happens at one session and you can't get it done then, you will get another chance at another session, that's exactly why there are multiple sessions during the weekend. The staff will make sure that you will get what you paid for. So there's no need to scream, yell, run around, push people to arrive first or be disrespectful to anyone, whether it's other fans or staff members who are just there to help. Please.

#911 lone star #station 19 #grey's anatomy #ronen rubinstein #rafael silva #tarlos #danielle savre #stefania spampinato #marina #dreamit #dreamit convention #dreamit conventions #dinah #frr #sara answers #anon #con talk #con masterpost #conmasterpost #dream it convention #dream it conventions #first responders reunion #my masterpost

[canonicallyobserving911]

WIP Wednesday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Buddie WIP - After 6x15 “Death and Taxes” Speculation Buddie Fanific

I’m sharing a small section of the fic I’m currently working on and my goal is to finish and post it by the end of the week. It’s speculation that begins right after 6x15 “Death and Taxes” through 6x18 “Pay it Forward” and beyond.

___________________

Here’s a snippet of the firefam’s conversation while they sit in the loft and discuss their plans for the weekend.  

___________________

“Ravi, do you have any plans for tonight?”  Hen asks.

“Yeah, one of my roommates is getting married so we’re throwing him a bachelor party in Las Vegas. We plan to get on the road and drive there right after I leave here.”

Bobby replies.  “That’s great and it sounds like fun.  I haven’t been on a road trip in a while.”  Then he turns to Eddie.

“Eddie, do you and Chris have any plans?”

“Yeah, we’re going to El Paso to visit my parents.  My mom keeps asking me about spending time with us but I keep telling her and my dad planes fly in both directions but you know how parents are.”  He shrugs his shoulders.  “I called her after we were dispatched to that live funeral call to tell her life is short and we don’t want to waste time anymore. We’re going to the airport not long after I leave here and we’ll be there for the entire weekend and return to L.A. Sunday evening.”

“That’s great Eddie. You shouldn’t take the relationship with your parents for granted.”  Bobby says.

Chimney’s the next one to chime in.  “A quick weekend getaway. I bet you two will have fun.”  

“I want to see my parents but I also can’t wait to see my abuela.  Ever since she moved back to El Paso, I don’t get to see her as much as I used to.  It was easier when she just lived 20 minutes away.”

“You two should have a blast.” Hen says.  Then she turns to Buck and asks, “What about you Buck?  You’re awfully quiet… do you have any plans for the evening and the weekend?”

Buck starts speaking with a British accent and everyone rolls their eyes.  He wants so desperately to be the Buck everyone expects for him to be so he’s trying his very best to keep them laughing at his antics even though he knows he doesn’t feel it.  Since he got struck by lightning, he feels like such a fraud most days especially when he’s at work because it’s been a long time since he actually felt like himself.

He’s only mentioned the way he’s been feeling to Eddie and he’s going away for the weekend with Chris which means it’ll be another lonely weekend at the loft for him.  He believes Eddie and Chris deserve the time away from L.A. especially since Eddie’s parents are trying to reestablish their relationship with him but if he’s honest, he’s going to miss them.  The relationship he has with his own parents is still strained and he knows they think his sperm donation was ridiculous, so he really hasn’t spoken to them since they left in March. He wants to trust them but he just can’t especially after they emotionally abandoned him while he was growing up and to this day, they still haven’t apologized.

He realizes he’s taking too long to respond when he notices the way everyone is staring at him, so he breaks his silence.  “I don’t have any big plans… I—I’m just going to repair some things around the loft that I’ve been putting off.”  He’s lying and he knows it since he rents instead of owns and all repairs are handled by the apartment complex’s maintenance team.  So, he should admit he doesn’t have anything to do but everyone else does and he doesn’t want to bring down everyone else’s happy mood.

_________________

Tagging: @spotsandsocks and @shortsighted-owl (No pressure tagging).

_________________

Let me know if you want to be tagged so you can be notified when it’s finished and released on AO3.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 fox #911 on fox #911onfox #911 #911 season 6 speculation #Buddie wip wednesday #buddie wip #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #911 abc #911 on abc

[mojavepumpkin]

"so we beat on, like boats against the current. borne back ceaselessly into the past." (cliche, i know but i can't get over that line)

sunday, march 3rd

haven't written in a while, haven't had my computer in a while. left it home when we went to fernandina. it was a good weekend. i was on my phone more than i'd like to have been, the weather was worse than i'd have liked it to have been. still managed to walk 12ish miles, all in all. the weather wasnt so bad when it wasnt raining. cooler than normal, especially sunday. saturday was nicer, walked 9 miles. had a conversation with a man in a silly hat selling free advice. he was nice but i dont feel all that helped, i still appreciate the conversation.

i am disturbed by my lack of preparedness for this literary thing. i have no idea what's going on, what im really doing, who even is running it. oh well, it can only help me i spose. or i could embarrass myself, but i guess i shouldnt get too hung up on that.

i might be getting a new car, or should i say, old truck. which is exciting. this summer. my car is the most expensive out of all of our cars, it was originally mom's and she gave it to me. the insurance is super high, so once we pay it off (in june), we can sell it and get something thats cheaper for me. it just so happens that i have a cheap taste in cars- or trucks. anyway, i hope we'll be able to find a 1998-2011 ford ranger. a tiny little truck for lil ole me.

anyway. im considering deleting youtube. it's tough. it's definitely my most used social media, and i can say 100% that it has made me better and more informed. if you can call it social media. but its also a big "crutch". eating food? watch youtube. getting ready in the morning? watch youtube. cleaning my room? watch youtube (this one is more understandable.)

given it more thought. i will delete it as an experiment. i think i need to learn how to practice mindfulness instead of consuming content every waking moment of my life. i need a book on it, maybe. definitely.

my mind feels very busy at the moment. let me think. the tv is very loud. i feel very hot. my room is dirty. okay. breathe.

what will happen tomorrow? anything of note? not that i can think of, i might make plans. that could be nice. i like keeping myself busy. i wish i could've figured out plans with J today, but nothing materialized - i just went outside by myself. i haven't read very much. but i haven't been on my phone very much. so i guess i've been doing things. i dont have any homework due. i dont have work tomorrow. i should be happy. i need to return a book to the library, and i cant think of anything else i need to do.

tomorrow might be a good day to walk. i'll speak to some folks. i'm trying to incorporate some more southernness into my speaking voice. idk, i'd like to feel like my voice is some kind of connection to the place from which i originate. i tried so hard to get rid of it, now i dont have it all and want it back. thats life.

despite not having known him for very long or very intimately i see a lot of my grandfather in myself. he has become sort of a kindred spirit i spose, for myself. maybe i do believe in the afterlife, i can still kind of feel him. maybe thats the afterlife we get, the feeling we leave with people. even though he isnt my biological grandfather, he was the only grandfather i knew on that side of my family that i ever knew. and now is certainly the only positive father like figure there. maybe all of those parts of him that are in me now are like little shrines i've built so that he can live on. our love of johnny cash, western movies, ford rangers, and straight-edge shaving. maybe i should start fishing more seriously, honestly i've thought about it often. i'd like to go fishing with a buddy. i just need a pole and some know-how, or my friend being the know-how could work too. i love him very much now, even though he is somewhat of a stranger to me. he loved my grandma, i can see that. i read one of their letters and was moved to tears. life is something incredible.

#blog #post #girlblogging #blogger #reblog #tumblog

[honeyrisuke]

The State of the VFX Industry- or: Why I am so fucking furious about the Chip and Dale Movie

I’ve been thinking long and hard about if I should really do this... and if yes, how.

I hope the following is in any way interesting or informative and not just me rambling about something.

Let’s start out here: I’m a VFX artist with a couple years of experience in the VFX and Animation industry. That’s about as much as I will put into this post for privacy reasons.

About a year before the pandemic I got the oportunity to work at M/PC- which is one of the biggest VFX studios in the world, making anything from the Harry Potter movies over the Disney Remakes, Marvel films, that Dinosaur Documentary that just came out, etc.

If a movie contains VFX (meaning it’s live-action shots with any type of effects edited over), there’s a VERY high chance M/PC was working on some of the material- if not almost all of it.

My exact experience with how I got there or personal details are irrelevant here- but this is what I can say about them.

They hire people from all over the world, push them through a harsh crunchtime for as little pay as possible and then throw them back out. In some cases, they forget to extend work permits, which has resulted in people being deported in the past. Sometimes they extend work permits on such a short notice that the people end up only being allowed to work in the country via a loophole, and of course they end up losing that workpermit if they end up getting fired- which is very common, as they like to throw people out the second they don’t need them anymore.

I was shushed several times for bringing up labourlaws (not unions, not anything- just the actual labour laws in the country we were in) because that could get me fired if the wrong person hears it. I wasn’t from that country; So I had to clock in every morning and do 150% because I knew if I just stood my ground and said “no” to Overtime I’d be packing my shit and stepping on a plane a month later.

The office we were in itself had no windows and only sparce ceiling lights, which was why if we locked our PC screens, they turned white- to create a light source. We did however get little USB lights :) because, you know. that helps.

Frequently, we were asked to work through lunchtime and also do more overtime after work, which was why I would quite commonly have workdays where I spent between 10-12 hours straight at my desk working. They would always tap on the harsh deadlines for shots- most of which weren’t our fault for being overdue, which resulted in them asking us to come in on weekends. In winter, I had a moment where I realized that I hadn’t seen the sun in about 2 weeks. When I then said “no” to overtime for a day, just so I could refresh my head, I was told I “needed to be careful if I wanted to keep the job”.

Not because I was not doing my work the way it was in my contract- but because I wasn’t willing to spend 10 hours at the office on a sunday- which was NOT a workday according to said contract.

Over time, I ended up getting more cocky about saying no to Overtime when I didn’t feel good, or asking for someone else to take a task I was given because I knew I wouldn’t be done with it by it’s deadline due to the other things I still had to do- which was probably was led to me being laid off.

The only people who got to stand up against this pressure were people in higher positions- and even they were expected to be at the studio every single day of the week, no matter what was going on. I had a lead who left work around 3 pm on a **sunday** and was only allowed to do so because it was his sons birthday. I am still sort of shocked that they made him come in at all.

These time constraints aren’t an accident. They aren’t a miscalculation. VFX artists are treated like this to keep the cost low, to be as cheap as possible. Specifically M/PC is known for this. Cut corners where you can, mistreat your workers as well as you can and whatever comes out will be good enough.

On top of that- remember how people were angry that they didnt list ANY VFX artists on the stupid dinosaur documentary? Approximately half of all VFX artists working on a film don’t get credited. This isn’t about the studio I worked at- this is a general thing. You can work your ass off for hours upon hours for years just to get that stupid flop of a movie out, and they won’t even credit you. This may not sound like a big deal, but ultimately it means that if you say you worked on those movies in a future job interview and they go and check if you actually did- they won’t find you, and it looks like you were lying about your work experience.

Now, obviously, whenever I tell people that this is happening in one of the biggest studios in the industry, they go like “but if it’s that bad, why is nobody sounding the alarms about it? Why is nobody fighting against it?”

For the same reason you hear vague sexual abuse allegations from companies like that but never see who made them or what exactly happened. If you speak up against it, and they find out who did, they make sure you can never work at their company or any company connected to them ever again.

*And they are ALL connected.*

The one’s that don’t directly belong to T/echnicolour are just besties with T/echnicolour, and they share informations like that. Because, you know. Nobody wants to hire a snitch.

While I was working there, the studio in Vancouver closed down. If you heard “the studio that made sonic and cats closed down”, that was it. And no matter how much the internet liked to make this about “the poor studio and the poor animators being kicked out because mean, mean fans made it so they didn’t get money boohoo”.... that. was not it.

The details here are muddy on purpose, so I can’t clearly speak on this- but what I can say is that, while the closure of Vancouver loomed over them, they never got a clear info or anything. The remaining workers just showed up one day after doing overtime for way too long and the studio was gone and closed. We, at the other studio, received an email thanking the nice collegues over from Vancouver for their faantaaaastic work.

Right after this email dropped, we were all immediately called into a meeting on the company floor, where first we were told that our jobs were not affected by this (which was true, they weren’t, they just hadn’t been stable to begin with), but they also made it very clear that if we went to post about this on social media, or talk to any journalistic publication about this incident, we would lose our jobs and be *blacklisted*. I can’t quote them verbatim, but I do remember them mentioning how “most of us were very young”, and how “this would be very unfortunate for us”.

They knew they fucked up, and let us know if we spoke to anyone about what had happened we’d never work again- because they wanted it to be muddy. They wanted the general narrative to be “the poor poor studio that made sonic and cats had to close down because of public backlash”. That story is MILES better for their reputation than “we squeezed every last droplet out of the foreigners we made work there in hopes they don’t know their own labour laws and then purposefully run that office’s finances into the ground so we can fire them all at once”

This all is also, by the way, why I am purposefully leaving out a lot of information in this post. Not because I’m insane and paranoid or anything- but they do that. They check the internet for stuff about them. And I’d honestly enjoy NOT using my expensive degree to go back to work in a coffee shop because I made an inconsequential post on tumblr dot com- but I feel it would be the better thing to do than to sit there and be fucking pissed without doing ANYTHING.

So, to bring it all back- Why am I so pissed about the chip and dale movie?

The reason for why a lot of VFX-heavy movies look like absolute shit, is not because VFX itself is a problem or doomed to be ugly or because the artists are bad or blind or whatever- it’s because of all of those exploitative factors.

The artists don’t get a say in anything. If you speak up about something being wrong, you might get fired. Your opinions don’t matter. The timecrunch is so tight that you don’t get the chance to make it right- and to be clear, nobody who is officially an “artist” gets any time to make it right. The people making the decisions and who would be able to speak up are the people who are handleing the money. The issue with VFX is in not even one case the VFX itself; the issue with VFX is the capitalistic nature of the goddamn film industry. All of those movies aren’t movies that wanna tell a story or that want to inspire- they are money machines. The people who make the decision don’t give a fuck what the movie looks like or if it’s good, and they especially don’t give a fuck about if the people working on it die doing it- as long as it’s cheap, it’s good.

That is also why productions prefer using 100% VFX instead of costumes and puppets. Because costume makers, SFX artists, makeup artists and puppeteers have labour unions. They get paid properly for their work. They work humane hours. They might take longer and have the chance to make it right- which in turn makes something more expensive. Not because their work is worth more; but because they have the priviledge to expect fair compensation.

VFX artists don’t get that priviledge- not to mention the countless VFX artists who live and work in the global south, a lot of them also for a Technicolour studio, who get way less for all that work... only so rebel fucking wilson and james corden can dress up at the oscars and piss all over that labour.

And while making those jokes as just some guy on the internet is like... sort of annoying for people who are affected in some way, imagine if people who are literally responsible for why these things are ugly in the first place, and for all the labour abuses made those jokes.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GIVE IT UP FOR THE FUCKING CHIP AND DALE MOVIE

Everything about it, from how they used old assets without crediting the original artists, to how the jokes don’t make fun of the production houses but treat it like this was “just a thing lol” to the fact that the “2D” lead characters aren’t actually 2D animated but cellshaded 3D characters in order to save money-

is deeply, incredibly insulting.

To make the same artists that have been through production hell by the hands of the producers and execs who commissioned this piece of shit work on a movie that actively mocks their entire profession is one of the most disrespectful things I could possibly fucking imagine

This is on the same level as if let’s say amazon made a trademark “amazon pissbottle”, making fun of their own labour rights abuses, while having the same underpaid workers who gotta piss into bottles bc they dont get pee breaks package and deliver the fucking things

I want to genuinly tear my hair out about the level of disrespect that this movie is on. When the trailer first came out, I had no clue what to feel and was just SO confused, but by now I have sorted my thoughts and feelings and gotta say- fuck everyone who is responsible. Fuck everyone who planned that shit out.

and also: genuinly, fuck everybody who likes it. As much as it “is funny” or whatever, the whole thing is a symptom of a diseased industry, and I am genuinly hoping that more and more people get the chance to speak up about this- because it might only get worse from here.

If you really read this until the end, thank you for hearing me out haha,,, This wasn’t meant to vent or make anyone feel sorry. This was meant to put the situation of that industry into perspective and give an appropriate backdrop for what’s going on, and why a lot of these things are genuinly dispicable.

Next time you go to the cinema and the VFX looks like shit- just know that this is not a VFX problem, and making fun of VFX itself is misguided. Make fun of the people responsible. Make fun of the director. Look at which studios were involved in the making of the film at the end of the credits and drag their ass. Tag their social media profiles, ask them how much their regular artists get during crunchtime.

Let them eat their fucking OT cake themselves.

#VFX #chipanddale #chip and dale movie #chip and dale 2022 #i almost hope the MPC people find this post and know its me so their fucking recruiters stop harassing me on linkedin

[a-tale-never-told]

My Official Schedule.

//Greetings, amazing readers! This is Mod Sam and this is a post that you might've been expecting for a long while considering that one of the issues I have with this blog is flexibility, since I do not possess a flexible time schedule compared to everybody else.

//So I was thinking over the weekend while writing these posts, and I actually figured out a more flexible time schedule in the process on the days that I'm really busy or just want to relax. Obviously, the schedules can change once I get older and I have far more flexible schedules on my hands, but I think that what I came up with for the schedules is a pretty solid one since I usually go by the 4-day schedule as of now.

//But without further ado, here is my official schedule that I've planned and decided that it will be my official blog schedule. I don't know if this is a perfect schedule or not, but it's honestly the best schedule I could come up with in order not to feel so overwhelmed and confused with everything. Here's to that this schedule actually works well in the long term and keep in mind that this might be subject to change in the near future.//

// FRIDAYS: 9:00am to 12:00am or 1:00pm, 2:30pm 10:00pm or 11:00Pm.

//SATURDAYS: 11:30pm to 2:00pm, to 10:00pm or 11:00pm

//SUNDAYS: 11:35am to 2:30pm, 4:20pm to 10:15pm.

//MONDAYS: 9:20 or 9:30pm to 11:00pm, 4:00pm to 10:05pm

//And that's the official schedule of this blog! It's mostly based on how much time I have and when I get out of school at the latest. I know this might sound confusing, but I believe that this is the best schedule option I have left, given that the return of the abysmal Tumblr dashboard complicates things, so it was the hardest and right course of action one could possibly take to do, especially a novice such as myself.

//Holidays are quite different, considering I do not have to study for anything unless you count trying to improve the characterization and dialogue for this blog, so if anything, I most likely will continue to stay the 4-day format, only instead, it will be posted during the week instead of the weekends, so look for posts on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday on Thanksgiving weekend, if I have the right amount of time to actually do these posts because I have a life, and it takes an endless god awful amount of time to write a character and how to get the personality right(I realized that just now after how I wrote Nagito earlier)

//I just pray to God and hope that this scheduling change will finally solve the underlying issue of time in this blog, once and for all. But what do you all think? Let me know in the ask box about what you think of the new, official schedule of this blog!. I'm gonna be honest, this was incredibly difficult to write, as I didn't know how to paraphrase it properly, but it's the best shot I took. Whether or not that pays off in the end, we'll have to see...

#mod talks #a tale never told #blog post #schedule post

[nonotnolan]

Cuerpo Inc: The Internship

It had taken him a few weeks, but Mark was finally getting used to the office culture at Cuerpo Inc, one of the leading manufacturers of body swapping technology. He hadn't really expected to make a career out of a product that seemed to be used only by the young and the perverted, but the pay was more than worth any sort of stigma that people still had about the relatively new field. Besides, the position had required a Master's in Accounting and a CPA license, and the work was as difficult as it was satisfying. The office culture was… weird, to say the least, but he took it in stride. He was still finishing up with a bitter divorce with his wife of three years, so it was nice to have something to distract him.

"Hey, James," he said, waving at the man standing in front of the bathroom sink. At least, he assumed it was James. It was James's body, at any rate, and it was polite to use the body's name regardless of who was in it. It was hard to tell who was who around the office, but since all of their work was tied to a username and password, it didn't really matter either.

"Hey Mark," came the reply. "How's it going? You excited for intern season? Sign-ups just dropped a half-hour ago. I'm so excited for this year's group."

Mark rolled his eyes. "I can't say I'm excited," he said. "It'll be two months of baby-sitting a bunch of wet-nosed college students who just want to pad their resume. I don't know how we'll be able to train them to do anything useful, since they won't even have a license, let alone a full degree."

James looked confused. "I mean, sure, they're just padding their resumes, but why would we… wait, this is your first intern season, isn't it?"

Now it was Mark's turn to be confused. "Well, sure, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Hah! No wonder," James said, slapping him on the shoulder. "Look, Cuerpo Inc is considered a really forward-thinking and prestigious company, and our internship slots are in high demand. We can set some pretty crazy demands, and we'll still have a bunch of kids clamoring for the spots. They have to give up their body for two whole months in order to work here."

Mark couldn't help but raise his eyebrows in disbelief. "I… two months? What do they even get out of a trade like that?"

"First hand experience," James said, with a wide smile. "It's a modified swap where they get to keep a temporary copy of your work and school knowledge, in addition to all of their own memories. The company doesn't lose any productivity because it's almost like you never left. The intern gets first hand experience having and using relevant industry skills. And you get a two month paid vacation in a body that's in peak physical condition."

"Really, even me? But I haven't even been here for three months yet." Mark couldn't help but bone up at the thought of having a hot, young body for the summer-- it seemed too good to be true.

James just shrugged. "I mean, why not? There isn't a shortage of applicants, and it's not like they're losing any money. During intern season, half your salary goes to the intern, and half your salary goes to you. I guess technically you could keep you paycheck if you opt out of having an intern's body, but… almost no one ever does. Having a hot, young body is totally with the temporary pay cut. My wife loves this time of year, it really helps spice things up in the bedroom. Plus it's nice go out on a weekend bender without having to worry about the Sunday hangover. Anyway, you should sign up before all the best ones get taken."

He finished washing his hands and left, leaving Mark alone to his thoughts. The timing was perfect. His marriage ended when he finally admitted to himself that he was gay, but coming out of the closet and entering the dating pool in his late 30s seemed beyond embarrassing. Getting some dating experience with a body in its early 20s, however…

--------------------------------------------------------------

It had only been two weeks, but Mark-- or rather, Tyrel-- was having a great time.

He was grateful for James's tip about checking the sign-ups early. The pool of body builders had gone quickly, and while it would be interesting to have a cute twink's body… he wanted something a bit more traditionally masculine for his first time. The thought of a hairless body just felt like too much of a change. It was weird enough choosing a body with a different heritage, but… well, what was the point in having a new body if you weren't going to rock the boat at least a little bit? Mark had thought looking down at his arms and seeing a new skin color would be the weirdest part of the body swap, but that had stopped surprising him after two days. Honestly, being a few inches taller inside of his home was the part that was throwing him off the most. All of the drawers and cabinets were now slightly lower than where he expected them to be, and it was screwing with his muscle memory.

Mark was surprised at how quickly he was getting used to seeing Tyrel's face in the mirror. It was serving him well on Grindr, too-- it was rare for him to have a night alone unless he wanted one for himself. Mark wasn't sure if Tyrel was gay before the internship, but with eight inches of uncut cock in his pants, it certainly made him popular amongst the local gays.

He normally avoided blank profiles even if they did message him a photo-- he could afford to be picky, after all-- but when he received a message from a blank profile named Mark, he couldn't help but be curious. Sure enough, the first message was a photo of his old body, wearing nothing but a jock strap, ass out toward the camera. "Your body has turned me into an insatiable bottom ;)" he typed. "I've been having bathroom sex after the workplace happy hours, but no one at the office can come close to satisfying this hungry hole. Can you help me, Tyrel? Fill me up with my own cock!"

Mark immediately felt himself getting hard at the thought of ravaging his own body with Tyrel's massive cock. "You got it, Mark. You're clearly begging for this dick. Who am I to deny Daddy what he wants?"

"That's my boy," Tyrel replied. "Bring lube, unless you want to go in raw ;) I've got rope. Room 734, see you soon."

Mark started to take deep breaths, lest he blow his load early. "Damn, and here I was worried Tyrel might not be gay-- dude clearly has way more experience than I do." The thought of having to find more hookups for the next six weeks suddenly looked a lot less appealing. "Hopefully tonight goes well. With any luck, I can just fuck myself for the rest of the internship."

#male body swap #gay body swap #cuerpo inc #after the swap #casual body swap

[bomberqueen17]

getaway

so it was my 20th anniversary with Dude this past weekend, so I got back from the farm on Saturday and on Sunday we drove to the Finger Lakes and stayed two nights in this.... well it was an inn, and it was just this side of bonkers, and it’s a long story but we definitely admired their ability to walk that fine line of wow this is weird and come up on the but i like it side instead of i gotta get outta here.

Anyway it was really lovely and we had a lovely time and the most important thing was the company, of course, yadda yadda, but I got home on Tuesday night into the worst case of Sunday Scaries I’ve had in a while, and I am just. So full of dread and despair today folks, so full of it.

cut for whining, mostly job-search-related but also existential!

Nothing I do is worth money, no job I’ve ever had has actually wanted me there except as a warm body to grudgingly pay the least amount they could get away with. I have no marketable skills. I can write novels, but not on demand. And really, that’s the problem-- up to 80% of my mind at any given time is taken up with fake things, imaginary worlds and situations, and I can’t focus anyway but even if I could, I wouldn’t focus on the real world, because the real world sucks, and I’m wildly productive at real-world things but not in ways that anyone ever in the history of ever has wanted to pay me for. i’ve done a lot of really skilled volunteer jobs but they are all things nobody is going to pay actual money for.

The only thing I want to do, the only thing I have ever wanted to do, the only thing I have ever consistently done, is write, and the way our economy and culture and publishing system works, that is something I can never be paid money for. I will never earn a living, and I will never even earn more than expenses unless I devote attention I simply don’t possess to marketing and other things, which I cannot do and have no skills in. So that’s out.

But I should be honest: all I’m doing is trying to earn enough paychecks in my life that someone will someday say “Okay you can stop” and let me go write for a while, and that’s not going to happen, so.

Yeah I also keep hoping they’ll find money to pay me with at the farm but that keeps not happening. I needed to find myself a job to do that would provide a revenue stream for them to pay me from, but when I tried to be the flowers person they refused to hire me for that one and hired someone who flaked out instead and this year’s plan for that is apparently none of my business, and now i was trying to be the person doing commercial kitchen stuff but they’re already talking about the people they want to hire for that and i’m not any of those either, and I guess I gotta put on my big girl panties and ask directly but I did that for flowers and the rejection really stung and so I’m not looking forward to that. but it’s better than wishing, i suppose.

I had always idly thought if I finished any of my original novels ever I could put those somewhere and sell them but well first I’d have to find the time, and second, watching joy demorra’s (bibliosphere) posts about how little money Amazon actually gives to her is so demoralizing. I’ll only do that if I don’t actually need the money, jesus christ. meanwhile i’d rather sate my encompassing addiction with fanfic because then i can at least be realistic that it doesn’t pay money. Again, better than wishing.

But I’m just old and tired, and all the frustrations of this job I’ve spent twelve years at being grudgingly paid the least they can get away with, with my poorly-defined job description it’s a nightmare to navigate on the daily, are just piling up extra, and I am so tired of the only things I enjoy and am supported in doing in this world are things that do not actually contribute to my actually having food and shelter. It’s not that I’m trying to do what I love or whatever, I know that’s a fake idea, I’m just so tired that there are so many calls for me to work hard in ways I love, and those have to come out of my own reserves, I pay to do them, and then I have to poorly do a terrible job at a job that dislikes me in order to get any money, to afford to be able to do the things I love that cost money to do, and it’s just frustrating because the things I love are also hard work and I don’t know how to solve that. I’m not even explaining it well! I’m just very tired.

It is all irredeemable whining but when I think too hard about this it cuts into my ability to write; I was making progress FINALLY on the next bit of Fit For Pearls until I got the crushing wave of nothing-I-do-is-valued-by-society ennui, which is no fair. If I’m so thoroughly worthless I should at least be able to write some lesbian porn about it, but I was denied.

Honestly that’s the only thing I need, is enthusiasm for that; I gotta solve my actual real world problems on my own. but i would super not mind a reminder that I’ve come far too far with Ciri and Lu to only come this far.

Though if anyone’s got any good leads on part-time remote work I could to to make ends meet that’d be pretty keen.

#whining #about the author #yes i'll get over it i always do #but boy #real life sucks

[starship-trolls]

A small update.

I've been working my security job almost a month now. However, I took on extra shifts as I needed the money for some doctors visits, these shifts were eight hours, so some days I would work a six hour shift at my original placement then an eight hour shift later that day.

Typically I worked 10 AM to 4 PM at my usual job but on Sundays I would work 4 PM to 10 PM. This was my usual schedule.

Now, below will sound quite ventish but I think it's very necessary information to tell as I do feel guilty for letting my life essentially overrun me and get in the way of what I love to do.

Content Warnings; Dehydration, Heat Exhaustion, Description of harsh Conditions as well as Unhealthy Behavior.

So without further ado; what happened?

So, as stated, I took on eight hour shifts. My job is security and at the facility I work I typically gain above 12k steps a day and my highest step count ever to date has been 23k+. This is to state my job requires a lot of walking, which really saps my energy. Now, usually I am inside and have access to water. But as my work went on I would be placed outside or need to walk outside during my break times for food/drinks.

This was not bad, however I have to note I do already have issues with my body keeping sugar, water and other necessities so I did understand I was already pushing myself further than my limit, which is a reason I wished to see a doctor. That way maybe I could find out what's going on.

Doctors cost quite a lot and so I couldn't afford one, therefore I pushed myself even further and wound up with eight hour shifts for the weekend and a day.

These shifts were midnight to eight in the morning, I figured that since these were the hours I already wished to work anyway I would be able to do them no problem. I needed the money, the time was comfortable and it was a new location that I was excited to work in.

For Friday I worked 10 AM to 4 PM and couldn't sleep, I got up and went to work at midnight and came home the next morning exhausted. I had been awake 25 hours at that point, which I already knew was bad but I figured maybe if I sleep enough (as I don't work on Saturdays) then I would be fine.

Well, another thing important to note is usually where I sleep it is 90° WITH the AC on and a window open. So, dangerous levels. Without getting into other things I have to say unfortunately I do not feel comfortable sleeping anywhere else where I live.

To add onto all of this though, I only slept five hours before waking up extremely dehydrated and sweating from nightmares. I figured since I was up though I should get ready and so I went again to an eight hour shift; midnight to eight in the morning. That day was completely fine.

Then Monday happened, needless to say all issues stated before cannot and did not leave within a day and so I was suffering. Sundays 4 PM to 10 PM followed by immediately going to my 12 AM to 8 AM was genuinely not the best idea but I thought it would help the person who drove me so that's what I decided.

The person who drove me couldn't pick me up as they worked on Monday too and because I didn't know the area all too well I spent about four hours in the sun in my already thick uniform just trying to find the bus stop to get home.

When I finally got through my emotions (being upset from lack of sleep as well as heat), the pain (15 hrs on feet basically) and everything else I found the bus stop. I was wiped as one would imagine but I thought when I got home everything would be fine and that I'd have about two days off to help myself.

Unfortunately, I pushed way too hard and I am paying the price now.

Not only am I experiencing what I believe to be heat exhaustion but I've lost all of my personal and important cards. My bank card, my ID, my Social Security Card even. All gone. Stolen, I believe when I was on the bus home but I can't be sure. I'm livid, I'm distraught.

This isn't to make anyone feel guilty as I did this to myself, some solace to all is I've gotten replacements for two of my monetary cards that are coming in maximum ten days. However my ID and my SSC will be much harder, which stresses me to no end.

While I'm out of work though (as I could not obtain my license for having my personal items stolen) I'll work on commissions to make up for lost money.

I would like to apologize properly, I'm very sorry I've let my personal life eat up all of my time. I should have managed it properly as I am an adult. I will work to do better with time management, as it's important for daily life anyway. Thank you all for your patience as well. You are those who help me through rough times- therefore you have my utmost gratitude.

Thank you for reading, I will be visiting a doctor as soon as I can afford it. But as it is now, I would not be able to be treated without identification unless I was in a life or death situation. As I am still remaining conscious with extended movement, they will not see me without these requirements.

Thank you all again, please have a swell day.

#the it talks #the it gets serious

[chalkrevelations]

So, Piety Fortnight achieved, EXCELLENT, which means it’s time to turn toward prep for Winter Fortnight, because the speedrun of Saturnalia-Solstice-Christmas-New Year’s with various permutations of community/coven/household/family is Too Much to not have everything possible lined up beforehand. (Srsly, once we hit the final quarter of the year, that’s it, my calendar year is booked, and there’s no time for additions. Which is why I’m not precisely sad that I’ve missed the registration deadline for December CHPN certification testing and will have to finish studying and register for the March test instead. I don’t know why I thought I’d have time to take it in December, and March will still let me get it done (fingers crossed, Fortuna please smile on me) before my next annual review. ANYWAY.)

In addition to the usual end-of-year scrummage, we’ve also got the contractors working downstairs – walls are back in, which means I can stop worrying about the cats exploring the foundation and getting lost/stuck somewhere, but also means we’ve had to pick paint colors, if we wanted to take advantage of the chance for re-painting. More on all THAT later.

Meanwhile, I’m working over Thanksgiving and into the holiday weekend, which means I had a chance at a seven-day stretch off leading into it, but I was a dumbass and said I’d go in and work a short shift on Monday because we’re going to be short-staffed. But it’s hard to say no to the kind of money we’re getting for extra shifts right now, and it’s only eight hours, so I’ll get out in the afternoon, so there’s that, but still, why tf did I think it was a good idea to break the last stretch of off days I can possibly have until January?

At any rate, queue is definitely in charge in the upcoming weeks. On the fannish tip: I’m planning a re-watch of KP after New Year’s, ostensibly in pursuit of character and plot background material for fic, so likely an uptick in KP posting then. Meanwhile, I’m likely to keep working my way through LITA in my bits of downtime. I’m thinking I’ll also watch The Eclipse after the New Year, but I’ve been saying I was going to finally watch Not Me for a year now, before KP knocked me over, and I still haven’t gotten to it, so I guess we’ll see what actually happens.

Anyway anyway, making a to-do list to see if I can keep on track, and possibly keep adding to. (ETA: Oh, wow, OK that’s a lot.)

This weekend

PAY BILLS

Go through holiday gifts already in-hand

Make holiday gifts list

Buy that thing, and also that other thing

Order candles (gifts and for ritual)

Call insurance company back

Documents to bank

Hair color?

Send out email re: Saturnalia ritual

Get the last of the canning jars that are stacked in the dining room washed and boxed and ready to go back downstairs ffs

2 birthday gifts for November

3 2 1 birthday gifts for December

HOLIDAY BRUNCH RESERVATION

VT meeting (Sunday) (INITIATION RITUAL WRITING)

Note to self: Sunday is Trans Day of Remembrance

Upcoming week:

BIRTHDAY LUNCH WITH MOM

For December

Tattoo + consult

Rune ordeal assist

Community Solstice party

12/3 birthday gift

Haircut

Ed meeting (12/8)

TREE

Cookies with Mom

Make turkey stock (12/10 pm)

Admin meeting (12/11)

Resource meeting (12/15)

Saturnalia (w/coven) (+ SOUP with turkey stock) (12/15)

Holiday brunch

M’s birthday

L’s birthday

Solstice Vigil (21st into the 22nd) – review existing ritual

Christmas Eve/Christmas with family

Priesthood initiation ritual

New Year’s dinner?

NEXT YEAR

CHPN REVIEW

Daily observance (litanies for the dead) (WRITE THIS)

Hospice volunteer paperwork (OUTSIDE of my hc system, I want a very clear bright line re: roles and duties)

cord-cutting ritual? (WRITE THIS)

finish knitting Water shawl

finish knitting Earth shawl

finish knitting Air shawl

for January

tattoo second session (presumably)

REGISTER for CHPN testing (2/15 deadline)

Mystic South registration

for February

Election ritual follow-up (check probable date) – revamp existing ritual

for March

CHPN testing (earlier is better)

Community Croning/Saging (?) ritual – planning/writing/written material/announcement

 Reading list:

Transformative Witchcraft (Mankey)

The Discoverie of Witchcraft (Scot)

Agrippa’s Occult Philosophy (including IV)