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sukirichi · 3 years

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“your hair is really soft” – jjk ver!

ft. itadori yuuji, gojo satoru, fushiguro megumi, nanami kento, ryoumen sukuna, & inumaki toge

ITADORI YUUJI – you’re in the room with Yuuji, who is busy watching the movies gojo-sensei had given him. He holds the cursed corpse in his other side, careful not to let him hit you, while your head lies on his shoulder, eyes drooping close from your long day. Yuuji turns the volume down and brings you closer to him until you’re practically sitting on his lap, his lips making brief contact at the crown of your head while he mumbles sweet nothings, too engrossed in the movie.

You smile at his sweet gesture, gently fisting the front of his jacket while you return the affection, kissing the edges of his jaw softly to not distract him too much. Yuuji’s lips tilt at the soft press of your lips on his warm skin. Soon, your hands rake up to his hair where your nails rake his scalp. Immediately, Yuuji deflates like a balloon as he purrs at the movement, making you chuckle in your sleepy daze.

“Your hair is really soft,” you note, and his eyes practically sparkle. Yuuji was a huge fan of hair gels and hair products, that his desk was filled with different brands all so he could keep his hair perfectly styled – in that somewhat natural, messy appeal. You love it on him and he melts at the fact you’ve noticed his efforts into taking care of himself. Most of all, the feeling of the smooth tendrils running past your fingertips like caressing a field of flowers lulls both you and him to a serene state.

GOJO SATORU – Like Yuuji, Gojo takes his time in styling his hair. You brush your teeth beside Gojo, who scowls as he struggles to keep his hair up the way he likes before he puts on his blindfold. The lanky man groans and adds more product, flattening the strands of his hair between his palms before swooping it up. When it falls down, Gojo whines, leaning forward on the sink counter.

You chuckle to yourself; he could be so dramatic sometimes. Bumping your hip with his, you gesture at him to move, and the big baby pouts before placing his chin on your shoulder as he watches you gargle. “Babe,” he sniffles, arms wrapping around your middle before his nose nuzzles into your skin. You giggle and push him away; the little bastard knew you were ticklish there. “My hair won’t stick up the way I want it to. Now I don’t look so cool anymore. What would my students say? That Gojo-Sensei stopped being attractive?”

That earns him an eye roll and a playful smack to his shoulder. “Ow!” Gojo rubs his shoulder with another pout, although both of you know nothing ever really hurts the strongest jujutsu sorcerer. “You’re mean.”

“And you’re just fishing for compliments.”

When Gojo hides his smirk behind his palm, you know you’ve hit the nail right on the head. Gojo was probably the most self-assured and overconfident man you’ve ever met – the day he thought lowly of himself and worried about anything concerning him that would ruin his “image” would be the day pigs could fly. Nevertheless, you give in with a sigh, extending your palm towards him.

“Give me the gel. I’ll fix your hair for you.”

“You’re a lifesaver, babe!” Obediently, Gojo crouches down so you could reach his hair, but not before muttering “shorty” under his breath. You tug at his hair harshly than you intended as payback, and Gojo only lets out a loud, fake moan before doubling over.

Your laughter and his bubble and echo through the cramped room, but both of you don’t mind. It’s moments like these you cherish with your whole heart even though it’s not extremely sweet or anything over the top. Dating a jujutsu sorcerer, the strongest one at that, wasn’t always rainbows and unicorns. You worry for him all the time and stay up awake all night, only ever finding peace in your sleep when he comes home safely – which he always does.

Still, you don’t stop worrying for him. It’s only natural, after all, and the way Gojo’s eyes soften as you slightly massage his scalp and style his hair for him lets you know he loves small moments like this too when both of you are completely alone in your own worlds, just enjoying each other’s presence and not having to think about anything else.

“Your hair is really soft,” you muse, unaware of the way Gojo’s closed his eyes as he lets your hand do the magic. When the familiar scent of vanilla and flowers wafts into your senses, you lean down closer to him to sniff his hair, stopping in your movements. “That’s odd. You smell like shampoo, but I haven’t bought that scent in a week.”

“Well, I may or not be the one who emptied it the last time,” he sheepishly chuckles.

“Gojo! That shampoo was really expensive!”

“Yeah, but I wanted to smell like you,” he coos, gently peeling your arms off him so he could hug you. Because of the height difference, you face plant into his bare chest where his skin is still warm from the shower. You keep feigning your irritation, but really, you squish your cheek above his heart, and Gojo’s chest rumbles as he laughs – he knows you can’t resist him. “Sorry about it babe, let’s go grocery shopping tonight when I come home, yeah?”

“You better buy your own shampoo,” you grumble, but Gojo only laughs.

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI – Megumi is hunched over his desk, eyebrows pinched together while his hands move at an extreme speed. He’s studying while you scroll through memes on your phone, not wanting to disturb your boyfriend. Megumi is studious as ever, and it’s not that you aren’t, but you’re definitely a lot more relaxed than he is.

You often tease him that you’ve got amazing memory by tapping your forehead whenever he tells you to study with him, which only makes him huff, but in reality, you refuse to study with him because he’s so distracting.

The way he bites his lip when he’s concentrated on something has your stomach erupting with butterflies, and it doesn’t help when his dark blue eyes pierce through the pages like the poor textbook committed a crime he couldn’t forgive.

All in all, Megumi’s beauty tripled tenfold when he was dedicated to something, and it was this fact that had you keeping your distance from him while he studies, because the last thing he needs is to have you jump him when he’s got an exam to prepare for. Unbeknownst to him, you’re angling your phone upwards until his beautiful side profile comes to view – and it’s so unfair his lashes are longer and thicker than yours – and you take a silent snap.

You take a few more pictures with a silent giggle, making sure to set it as your lock screen later. Nothing better than waking up to Megumi’s face every time your alarm went off, but your daydreaming is halted when Megumi drops his pen with a loud sigh.

“I know you’re taking pictures of me,” he side-eyes you with a glare. You squeak before hiding your phone behind you, knowing that it’s not out of the picture for Megumi to steal them and delete his precious photos. It didn’t help he knows your password either (duh, it’s his birthdate) so you take the extra mile by offering him a sickeningly sweet smile, an apology ready to leave your lips when – “If you wanted my attention that badly, you could’ve just said so. I don’t mind taking a break or something.”

Although he sounds annoyed, the way he avoids your gaze to hide his reddened cheeks and ears say otherwise. Megumi’s back faces you as you wait patiently on his bed. You don’t want to bother him – you really don’t – so you stay put, and Megumi sighs for the hundredth time that night before spinning on his chair, arms stretched out wide open. “Come. Want hugs.”

He keeps his gaze on his lap to swallow the embarrassment of using baby-like words, which was a huge contrast from his quiet and cold persona. You don’t mind though. Deep down, Megumi is like everyone else who wants constant affection, so you leap out of his bed and jump into his arms. Megumi relaxes with your weight on top of him before he squishes his cheeks against your boobs – one of his quirks that you found endearing – a sign that he just wanted to relax for a little while.

Megumi isn’t really that huge on touch, so moments like this where he allows himself to be physically intimate with you has you floating on cloud nine. You hear him sigh between you, and you hide your grin by pushing his hair back to reveal those pretty eyes of his, beckoning him to look you in the eye.

As expected, his cheeks flush a beet red at the intensity of your gaze, but what really catches your attention is how his eyes just brighten even though they’re lined with dark circles.

This precious boy means everything to you, and you cup his face until your noses are rubbing. “Love you, Gumi,” you whisper, the boy’s breath hitching when your eyelashes flutter against his skin. Megumi tsks, a faux scowl on his face because both of you are painfully aware that he just melts around you.

“Stop teasing me. You know I don’t like that.”

“I’m not teasing you,” you lie, brushing his hair back in a soothing manner to help him relieve the headache he gets when he studies too much. “You know, your hair is really soft. Can I keep doing this?”

Megumi hates it when people touch his hair, so you expect him to say no – and you’ll gladly respect it – but instead, he pushes you closer and murmurs, “Don’t stop doing that.”

You smile so wide you fear your face would break.

NANAMI KENTO – You’ve always been fascinated with your co-worker. You don’t know what it is about the sharp-faced and stoic Nanami Kento that somehow makes him stand out from the rest. It’s not like he was smarter or better than anyone, although you do admit Nanami overworks most of the time.

It’s kind of pathetic you’ve been crushing on him ever since your first day of work. Maybe it’s because he worked with virtue and wishes to actually be honest instead of just sucking the money out of others. Maybe it’s because seeing him visit a bakery every after work makes him seem softer and a lot more human than his seemingly unapproachable nature. Whatever it was, you can’t explain why you’re so enamoured with the blond, or why you have the audacity to suddenly card your fingers through his hair at his desk that time.

You were told by your boss to give him this folder – quick, easy, and simple. But Nanami has this effect on you that he makes your brain go brr every time you go closer to him. You blame it on the fact both of you are alone at the office right now for OT, but when Nanami freezes under your touch, you realize the grave consequences of your actions.

As if you’ve touched something boiling hot – and he kind of is – you retract your arm and bow so deep you feel a vertebrae popping air. “I’m so sorry!” you begin to blabber, bowing repeatedly to the point your hair has become a mess. You can’t even look him in the eye – what were you thinking?! “I didn’t mean to, it’s just your hair looked really nice and soft and I couldn’t help myself! If you want to tell the higher-ups about this harassment and get me fired, I promise I won’t mind. In fact, I’ll take this to my grave and even offer my firstborn child as an apology—”

“Y/N.”

“because I’ve done something so horrendous and oh my gosh, I was just eating donuts and I probably got crumbs in your pretty hair—”

“Y/N,”

“And that’s really so low of me. Uh, actually, I may or may not have spent last month’s salary to buy my niece a huge ass dollhouse, but I’d gladly schedule a hair appointment for you—” you stop your words when you feel huge, calloused hands squishing your cheeks together until your lips are puckered out like a fish. Nanami stands before you, looking as handsome as ever, and that thought only has you panicking more and withdrawing. “I’m so sorry.”

Nanami sighs, pulling away to give you some space. You try to fight back the whine because not only did you look ridiculous under him, but also because you actually missed his touch.

“It’s fine. I don’t mind,” he takes the folder from you, pauses, then tilts his head to the side. “You think my hair is soft?”

“Uhm,” you blink rapidly, “Y-yes. Your hair is really pretty too. In fact, everything about you is pretty, like your hands when you type in paperwork but – I’m talking too much aren’t I?” you laugh nervously, scratching the back of your head. “I’m sorry. I tend to ramble when I’m nervous.”

“I make you nervous?” Nanami doesn’t sound like he believes it.

“Yeah,” you confess, switching your weight from one foot to another. At this point, you’ve given up on asking him out for coffee this weekend because you’re sure he’s labelled you as an idiot now. Not that it’s surprising though; not only does Nanami keep to himself out of social aversion, but you’re also pretty loud and awkward, a huge contrast to someone as well-put as him. “Anyways, uh,” you clear your throat, gesturing to your cubicle. “Now that you’ve got the file, I’m gonna go do my part. See you later, I guess. Or not. You can go home first you want. I’ve got quite a lot on my plate.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“Sorry?”

Nanami organizes his desk one last time before following you to your desk. “I’m done with my part and it’s late. It’s not safe for you to walk home alone,” he glances at his watch, “I’ll wait for you until you’re done and walk you back home. That way, I don’t have to worry about your safety tonight,” he plops down on the empty seat next to yours, crossing his arms on his broad chest. “Take all the time you need. Just wake me up when you’re done.”

Just like that, Nanami dozes off, exhausted from a long day of hard work. You, on the other hand, are more energized than ever as you suddenly find a strong wave of motivation you’ve never had before.

Maybe you don’t mess up everything, after all.

RYOUMEN SUKUNA – He groans when you giggle at him, using your small, dainty hands to brush it through his hair. Sukuna liked to sleep in and it was only seven in the morning, meaning he’s supposed to be still lost in dreamland with thoughts about you and your cute little face. But because you’re an annoying brat who’s an early bird and way too cheerful as a morning person, you’re wide awake when the sun shone through the windows, and you’re gently coaxing him awake by rotating your fingers through his hair.

“Your hair is really soft.”

“Stop that,” he complains, but doesn’t really do anything to push you away. “It’s too early. Go back to bed.”

“But I’m already awake,” you tease, proving your point by taking off his covers and patting his chest. “Come on, let me make you breakfast. Maybe we can go out today and go see a movie, what do you think? It’s my day off so we better make use of it!”

“Exactly, it’s a day off,” he growls the last part, surprising you when his strong hands grip your thigh and drag you beside him. Soon enough, Sukuna has you trapped in his muscular arms until you can’t move anymore. “Let’s just stay the whole day in bed. Plus, I’m the one making breakfast. There’s no way you’re still cooking for me on your day off.”

“But I love cooking for you.”

“I know, but it’s my turn now,” he huffs through your hair. Sukuna’s grip loosens around you a bit to give you room to breathe, but he’s taken aback when you only snuggle closer to him to the point your legs and tangled and your body is warm from his heat. You don’t have to say it out loud to tell him you’ve conceded to his wishes.

As always, Sukuna is right. It feels much better to just let go of time and enjoy this moment. And he smells so good, feels so warm, that you’re unable to stop yourself from burrowing closer onto his body until you’re sure you’re about to start smelling like him later.

Of course, Sukuna likes the thought of that, so he sweeps one arm behind to tug the covers back over your bodies. He kisses your temple, and with a low, husky voice, grumbles, “Let’s go back to sleep, then we’ll do everything you want later, okay? I just want to stay in bed with you a little longer.”

For a guy who was considered heartless and barbaric, he sure turned into putty in your hands.

INUMAKI TOGE – The platinum haired boy lays on your lap, the wire of headphones dangling beside you both. You’re thankful Inumaki has his eyes closed, because the last thing you want him to see is how embarrassed and giddy you are at that moment.

You and Inumaki have been friends for years, meaning you’ve been hiding your crush on him for a painfully long time. He’s recently made a Spotify playlist with an innocent text of, “I made you a playlist of all the songs that reminds me of you,” which leads you both to your current predicament. It’s a rather lazy weekend and Gojo-sensei isn’t around to bother any of you, so you’re in Inumaki’s room, careful not to bounce your legs out of habit to not give the poor boy a headache.

You snap back to life when Inumaki squeezes your thigh, and you’re met with azure eyes looking back up at you. “Mustard leaf?” he points to your face, which has been previously constricted and heated from his close proximity. It isn’t the first time you and Toge have cuddled, but it’s been too long and you’re standing at the edge of a dangerous cliff with the desire to tell him you like him.

Inumaki must’ve thought you’re uncomfortable with his weight on you because he begins to sit up. “Oh, no, no!” you coax him back down despite his questioning eyes, a wide grin replacing your flustered state to conceal it. “Its’s fine, really. I was just vibing with the songs.”

He hums, not completely believing it, but he doesn’t want to push either. Soon, he settles into your lap again and makes you lose your mind when his breath starts to tickle your kneepads now that he’s facing behind you.

Your heart just about combusts, and before you know it, Inumaki has fallen asleep while the theme of Howl’s Moving Castle plays. Once his breathing regulated into a steady rhythm, you reach out to brush his hair back and lightly add some pressure for better sleep. You know Inumaki lies that, and you smile to yourself when he leans into your touch even in his slumber.

“Your hair is so soft,” you say mostly to yourself, leaning down to kiss his the crown of his head, making Inumaki sigh contentedly. Gosh, you love him so much.

Now isn’t the time but...hopefully, one day you could tell him how you feel. Even if he rejects you, you hope you could still be friends even after that awkward encounter –

You freeze as the next song comes on. I.F.L.Y by Bazzi comes on, and just as you cover your mouth to silence your gasps, you hear the faintest snickers coming from Inumaki before he goes back to “snoring.”

“Toge! Were you awake the whole time?!”

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mrpenguinpants · 3 years

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Genshin: University AU [V1]

I love modern au. Or any “everything is fine, no one died, it’s just a fever dream” au. Half of me is thinking, damn maybe I should answer this serious- LOL HAHA no. That’s not happening. Time to crack my knuckles and let my brainworms take over again.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. I want to switch up my characters from the last brainworm post but I included Kaeya and Diluc.

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Today’s appreciation post goes to twistedwishes. Hey! I’ve been seeing you pop up a lot lately and thanks for the support 💕💕 I hope things are going better for you and you’re doing alright^^ I feel kinda bad for making appreciation posts on crack fics but hopefully this is somewhat funny haha.

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Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@mikeysbike @hanniejji@unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki

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Diluc

Absolute pretty boy who has braincells, but only if Kaeya is not there. In his mind, Kaeya’s presence makes his room loose 40% of their common sense. He can’t prove it just yet but he’s working on it. He majors in accounting but also has a minor in marketing, logistics’ management, fia- he majors everything business related. He’s going to become the next Elon Musk through smarts or by getting the competition drunk. There can be no contest if he’s the only candidate. He’s actually a hard working guy that overworks and stresses way too much. You have daily “Diluc recharge” evenings where he just hangs onto you while you go through your day.

“Don’t fucking talk to me until I’ve had my coffee,” except there is no coffee - he drinks grape juice out of juice boxes and his only energy boost is when he meets up with you - and that’s his constant mood. So he usually only hangs around you and Jean, since she has childhood friend status and is actually an angel. By default, Lisa is added and Diluc doesn’t mind her but if he see’s Kaeya, it’s full on war paint mode. If he's not busy with work or studies, he's usually with you either in your dorm or his apartment.

He has a fanclub and he seriously hates it and tries to do everything in his power to get Ningguang to take it down. Shouldn’t this be against his rights? But she refuses for whatever reason and makes a whole speech about free will. No matter what he does, someone manages to take a picture and it get’s printed in the university’s newspaper. The only bonding time he has with Kaeya is every Monday, where they collect and burn all the universities newspapers before anyone can get their hands on it. You always bring marshmallows to make smores during their arson activities.

“When I graduate I’m going to burn this school down to the ground. That’s not a threat it’s a promise.”

Ningguang

Is secretly the leader of the Diluc fanclub - not that she likes Diluc, she’s in a questionable platonic poly marriage with you and Beidou - but it was the easiest way to gain funds for the student council. Which she is the president of, so rip Diluc the fanclub stays. Ruthless business woman I tell you. But she can run in heels so her danger factor rises by at least 20%.

Majors in social sciences and law but more specifically the political science & government. She saw the Imperial State Crown that the Queen of England wears and says yes, that’s mine now. If she’s not with Beidou and you planning on “how to infiltrate the state government just for lols”, then she’s with Keqing, Ganyu, and Zhongli discussing student council things. Should they or should they not tell the student body that they can see everyone’s search results? Sit back and relax as the school goes into chaos.

She’s probably the scariest person on campus No, she is the scariest person on campus. She’s the scariest person on campus. But secretly she’s popping 20 aspirins just to make it through a night. She has the digestive system of steel. She still holds the title of "seriously do not try and beat her in a drinking game it's never going to happen" and that's her proudest achievement in life but sadly she can’t put it on her resume. Kaeya is still trying to beat her out of spite but so far it hasn't been working. You’re seriously concerned for her when she get’s challenged but Beidou gives you a way-to-hard slap on the back and cheers her on. If Ninngguang somehow get’s alcohol poisonings she’ll somehow find away to make a profit out of it.

"I'll let him die, I'll get the insurance money."

Kaeya

One day he chugged too much mouth wash, passed out, and somehow woke up in university majoring in law. His idea is that if he is apart of the law, he can therefore stand above it. To be fair, his only goal in life is to say “I am the manager” and he can go live the rest of his life in bliss or as a hermit. He’s secret best friends with you but wouldn't be caught dead beside you. He will stab a bitch if you ever get hurt but will still trip you on the way home. Seriously, you have no idea why people find him attractive. Your guess is it’s the eye patch or the clap of his ass cheeks that keeps alerting everyone.

He’s apart of the newspaper club and if anyone asks: No, he has no idea who keeps taking all the newspapers and burns them in the back of the campus. Originally, he joined because he was nosy and needed to join some type of club for his resume. He sometimes feels bad for his junior assistant Amber because he keeps tricking her and says that Diluc is secretly a demon that is trying to steal all the jobs and is apart of the lizard government hell bent on eradicating the human race. He even brought out a whiteboard for this joke, he’s dedicated to his job ok?

The type of guy to try and be humble and say his work is “okay” but will choke a bitch if anyone agrees. He tends to leave everything last minute and says that it’s his drug since actual drugs could land you one year in prison and a maximum penalty of $2,000. You have to awkwardly hold in your concerned mother head shake when you see him speed running his assignment literally right when the professor is walking around to check if students finished.

“I was taught how to lead not to read.”

Mona

Broke wallet #2. Zhongli is broke wallet #1 but Childe simps for him so is he really a broke wallet at this point? In this essay, I Mona Megistus, will explain why I have the rights to the title “Broke Wallet #1″...

Believes that astrology should be an actual career path but refuses to take astronomy as her major. I can read the stars not a textbook that tells me how to calculate the mass of the sun divided by the fucks I give. Instead she went into Philosophy and cries to Albedo, who is an actual prodigy genius- sir lend some braincells to everyone else please?, that her professor keep turning her paper down because “star reading” is not an academic source.

Fischl wants her to join the occult club because, surprisingly, Mona is very good at telling people’s fates through her crayon sketch ouija board. She thinks first year Fischl is cute but is put off by the cosplay roleplay that she has going on. She would join except that stupid hat wearing gremlin in her lit class would make fun of her if he found out.

You gave her half your lunch one day and bought her a doughnut "because she seemed upset" and "out of the goodness of your heart" whatever the hell that means. She thinks you pensioned it but once that thought comes she takes a bite. Poison from a doughnut is not the worst way to go out, classes are hard enough. She’s waiting for the lord to strike her down anyways.

“Its not about passing, its about doing better than everyone else.”

Venti

Slept through most of highschool and people question how he got into university. He’s a music major (wow how fucking original is that), and if anyone asks him to serenade someone or just do anything, he’ll do it for the right price. Or if you buy him alcohol because he still keeps getting ID checked. He’s banking on Kaeya actually becoming a lawyer or being on good terms with Diluc so he can finally stop being arrested for looking like a toddler.

Takes one step into classes and quickly nopes out and goes back to bed. Professors have no idea how he hasn't dropped out or failed. He just has some god given talent. He does whine at you to pretty pretty please with a cherry on top tutor him because you're such an angel and would never leave your poor but awesome best friend hanging right? He needs to get this essay down but how he is suppose to explain how the number 10 is symbolic and connects to the universe or the meaning of life. Do you think he can just say it’s apart of his culture and make up some random myth to pretend it looks like he knows what he’s doing?

He’s honestly going with the flow and put his brain on the back burner all of highschool and only now realizes wait, I actually have to use my brain?

He’s been banned from most club chats since Venti has the no chill card. Someone says “lol I look ugly today.” and he’ll respond "yup, you look like a cow." and he get’s banned. Zhongli keeps a speed run timer on his phone just to document these occasions.

"Sad spelled backwards is das and das how it be sometimes."

Childe

An actual dumbass that somehow does well. He eats sandwiches with the crust off, this heathen. Surprisingly he’s studying to become a physical therapist but most of his experience has come from breaking his own bones. You’re scared how he's going to be if he actually becomes a therapist. If he'll make bets with his patients or try to one up whatever crazy injury they get into. Everything is a challenge to him that sometimes the best way to deal with Childe is to knock him out.

This man really knows the way to a Zhongli’s woman's heart. Through micro transactions. Mona saw him accidently drop $20 and just shrugged and walked off. She has never been both spiritually and physically offended in her life. She did take the $20 though. As much as you hate leeching on Chile when he’s basically a walking wallet that probably uses bills as tissue paper, you can’t help but give him puppy eyes while planning on how to get into his will. If he even plans on having one, he might honestly write “whoever wins in a gladiator style duel in my funeral’s tournament, they will get my fortune.”.

Any sport the university offers Childe is probably in it. Which is how he met Zhongli, challenged him to a fight, proceeded to have his ass handed to him, got a backhanded compliment, and screamed to you he was in love and how he found his soulmate. He's secretly very sappy and has cried and watched every Disney and Pixar movie at least 28 times.

"IM NOT TOO SPICY! I’M A TINY BIT ABOVE MILD IF ANYTHING!”

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God if it isn’t Scaramouche, it’s Childe that ruins the aesthetic. This is why I hate you. Why do you people enable me like this, it isn’t even good. This is pretty much a @ yourself moment and I vibe hard with Venti. This entire post was just to make a joke about the clap of Kaeya’s ass cheeks alerting the guards.

This week might slow down since I have classes and assignments. My reply’s are gonna be late too, sorry;; (oh and thank you to everyone that was so supportive and nice when I mentioned it. All of you. Beautiful 💕💕 )

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aghostpost · 3 years

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The Hard-J (Victor Creed x Reader)

A/N: I know I said it would be ready by the weekend but... it wasn’t! Excuses only work for those that make them, so I won’t bother lmao~ This one is for @queengiuliettafirstlady and everyone else that loves a little Victor Creed intensity. ♥

“Can we not do this today, please?”

“What the hell was that about?” He slammed the door after him as I went to my kitchen to put groceries away.

“He saw me walking back from the store, that’s it.”

“That’s it, huh? What did I say about hangin’ out with him?”

“We weren’t hanging out! I told you, he saw me walking and he was helping me carry a few things. That. Is it.”

“You see how he talks to me? How he’s always talked to me-“

“-I see two brothers who, for whatever reason, can’t seem to hack it.”

“We aren’t brothers.”

I rolled my eyes, shoving my peanut butter and fudge swirl ice cream into the freezer. “Brothers in arms.”

“Because there’s no damn respect! Always lookin’ down at me like he’s some kinda fuckin’ superior.”

“Vic…”

“I don’t want you around him. You hear me?”

I let out an exasperated sigh as I rolled my eyes. “It’s too hot to argue about this shit.”

“You’re the one arguing instead of just agreeing, Y/N.”

“Your relationship with Logan is just that: yours. I have no problem with the guy.”

“If I see you two together again-“

“- Do not end that sentence with a threat, Victor-“

“- I’ll do you one better and end it with a guaran-fucking-tee!”

“We live in the same city, I’m bound to run into him sometimes!”

“Y/N look at me… Hey!” He shouted, making me jump out of my skin as I gave him my undivided attention. Clearly he was serious, which he tended to be. But this time, more serious than normal.

He was always so very dead serious whenever we talked about Logan.

“I don’t care if you’re next door neighbors with him. If I see you two with each other again, it will not end well.”

“For him? Or for me?”

“Both o’ you.”

I stared him down and watched him do the same, his face cold hard steel, not even a muscle flexing as he spoke to me. “What the hell happened between you two, anyway?” I asked. “What did he do that’s so damn bad you’re forbidding me to even say hi? He kill your cat or somethin’?”

He smirked and let out a huff of a chuckle, his left fang peeking from behind his lips. “You think I’m kiddin’?”

I rolled my eyes and pushed him away from me to continue putting the food away. “Yeah, sure. Whatever. I’ll stay away from him, Victor. Whatever the hell makes-” I couldn’t finish my sentence before I heard the loud crash of glass breaking. I whipped around and saw a wet puddle dripping on my wall, the floor beneath it decorated with broken glass and what was a very nice bouquet of assorted flowers. “Are you shitting me?!”

“Oh, I got your attention now?”

“You had it! You’re throwing a temper tantrum, breaking my shit, all because you’re jealous of someone I’m not even interested in?”

“Jealous?” he questioned as he slowly stalked towards me, like a predator carefully eyeing its prey. I was no stranger to Victor's temper; under the right circumstances, he could go from settled to up in flames with the snap of a finger. Maybe it’s because he was never really at ease, always ready to pounce at any moment’s notice if necessary. Yeah, I know he has little patience and is kinda trigger happy to get into a fight, his own source of entertainment. But that was with other people, strangers. With me, he exercised a lot more restraint. We’d have arguments, he’d yell, maybe hurt a wall and then storm off.

But whenever Logan was involved, it was a different story...

“You need to relax,” I warned as I slowly backed away from him, ready to defend myself if necessary, even if I knew it was a losing battle.

“Did you just say I was jealous of him?”

“Are you?”

“What reason do I have to be jealous?”

“You tell me. What is it, Vic? You think I’m gonna run off with him into the sunset? You come over here one day to see me, all my shit is packed up and I leave a note behind? I doubt he’d throw my shit around like you just did.”

“I bought you those damn flowers,” he growled.

“You gonna buy the replacements too?” I asked playfully, trying to diffuse the tension but failing. It was painfully obvious, literally, he wasn’t in the mood to play when I felt his fist grip me like a boa constrictor. He forced my head against the kitchen cabinet behind me and got close to my face. If he moved any closer he’d be able to taste the chive cream cheese bagel I had on the way over here.

“Now that all depends…”

“Victor, let go of me. Now.”

“What’s the matter, hm? I thought you liked it rough?” he spoke with a tone of warning before a lecherous grin spread across his face. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t release a flutter deep in my belly, my incessant desire for him threatening to surface. It was embarrassing and admittedly disgusting to me, how even in moments as such, there was always going to be some shred of me that could neither ignore nor deny my constant thirst for him to satisfy me in ways only Victor knew how.

“You’ve made your point.” I tried to remain calm while fighting for air. I was willing to bet money that he could feel my pulse quickening beneath his grip. If even one of his claws came out I’d be bleeding out all over the linoleum.

“Have I?”

“You have five seconds to get the fuck off of me... or I walk.” He stared me in the eye only a few seconds longer before relinquishing his grip. If there was anything I caught on to in the seven months we’ve been seeing each other, if that’s even what you wanna call him dropping by for food, sex and quality conversation with a solid night’s rest, it’s that he actually greatly enjoyed having me in his life. He would never admit it, of course, being the poster boy for hypermasculinity; no way he’d display the level of emotion required to confess he liked me. But I picked up on it in subtle ways he probably doesn’t even notice. The way he throws his arm over me in his sleep, subconsciously keeping me in place with him. The way he came over and pretended it was just for sex, when we wouldn’t wind up having sex at all. The flowers he bought me, before throwing them to the wall in a rage. Most importantly, the way he wouldn’t stay gone long after a fight and would come back with his tail tucked in ready to apologize, afraid that would be the fight that finally scared me off and into the arms of someone else. I wasn’t using that to my advantage here, but I was letting him know what we both knew but never spoke of:

He wanted me around. He liked me.

I took a moment to allow oxygen to return to my lungs before I addressed him. “I pushed a button o’ yours with that little J-word?”

“What on Earth gave you that idea?” he asked sarcastically.

I nodded. “Fine. Noted. But I promise you, next time you use your words, because if you ever think about putting your hands on me again-”

“-Now you’re ending sentences with threats?”

“Guarantees, right?” I stalked to the corner of the kitchen and grabbed the broom that was wedged between the wall and my fridge then slammed it into his chest. “Dust pan behind the fridge,” was all I said before making my way to the bedroom.

“We’re not done-”

“-I am.” The moment I turned the corner out of the kitchen he was following me, the broom loudly clapping against the kitchen floor. The same hand that was just wrapped tightly around my throat was now finding its way around my waist along with his other one, pressing me to the wall. “Victor-“

“-I’ll getcha new flowers.”

“Fuck the flowers and fuck you.” He wasn’t hearing any of it. He grabbed my wrists and began making his way to the couch, my legs clumsily bumping into any and everything I walked towards.

“I’m not gonna pour my heart out an’ tell you all the fucked up things about me, if that’s what you’re waitin’ for me to do.”

“Mutant in human world. It’s not hard to figure out.”

“And I’m not tellin’ you the textbook of reasons I’m not holdin’ hands with him either.”

“And I’m not agreeing to stay away from him for your reasons and personal grudges unknown.”

“So maybe I didn’t make myself as clear as I thought.” Before I was aware the back of my legs bumped into the arm of my couch. I was desperate to create some sort of distance between us, so I fell backwards and wiggled away to the far opposite end of the couch. He stood at my feet and without breaking eye contact, lifted the loose black henley from his chest. He was possibly the only person I knew that could wear black and long sleeves in the peak of a summer in the city without breaking a sweat. But now wasn’t the time to be impressed by minor things.

“It’s too hot for this, too.”

“You tellin’ me no?”

“Yes!”

“Why?” he asked as he continued advancing in my direction, fumbling with the belt on his jeans as he kicked his shoes off.

“Because I don’t feel like it. You’re not about to makeup sex your way out of putting your hands on me, dick.”

He shrugged to himself. “You never turned it down before.”

“Well, you know what they say the definition of insanity is, right…”

“Doin’ the same shit, expecting different results.”

“And I want different results, Victor.”

“Fine. So let’s try somethin’ different.” Without a word or warning he bent down and scooped me up, a hand firmly resting under each of my thighs, my legs snaked around his waist. I thought he was headed towards the bedroom, but he took a surprising left turn to the apartment balcony, gripping me tightly before using a hand to open the sliding glass door. The humidity instantly smothered me, my glasses fogging from the shock of being exposed to the summer heat after leaving my air conditioned living room. He sat in one of the wicker seats of my patio set and placed me in his lap, lifting my sundress so I could straddle him free of obstruction. He placed me directly onto his cock and was not gentle about it; my head instantly fell back as a rush of air escaped my chest, my hands finding his neck.

“Fuck,” I whispered.

“Exactly.”

“Shut the hell up.” There was no time for playful banter. The sun had only just started to set, meaning there was still plenty daylight for us to be seen; this had to be quick. And quiet. Quiet would be the hard part without a doubt. With his help, I lifted my body up and down, his fingertips digging into my hips as he held tightly to my waist. “Holy shit, Vic.”

“Still think I’m jealous?”

I grinned to myself. “I dunno; you’re fuckin’ me like you got somethin’ to prove,” I teased. Clearly there was jealousy but I knew better than to answer him with a yes. But if jealousy is this good a sexual motivator, I’d be happy with this silver lining to our fight. He lifted my dress up more, enough for him to expose my tits and seize my right one with his mouth. My head fell back, a cry escaping me when I felt the sharp stab of his teeth on the mound of flesh. “Fuck!” He growled, his mouth vibrating slightly around my nipple.

“Ya still gonna run away and leave a note?” he asked, the heat from his mouth making toes curl.

“Never.” Unless he pushed me to it, of course.

I felt the pads of his fingertips press my scalp, my hair tightly intertwined in his digits as he pulled my head back and forced me to make eye contact. “Don’t threaten to walk again.”

I rolled my eyes. “Or else?” I mocked.

He shook his head, his pelvis ceasing, the rapid rise and fall of our chests the only movement remaining between us. “No. Just don’t.”

I stared at him a moment longer and simply nodded before standing and turning around, lifting my dress over my head, then taking the rusty balcony rail in my hands to steady myself. I turned to look at him; to my surprise he was already stroking himself in the absence of something else warm wrapped around his cock. “Whatcha waitin’ for?”

“Can’t enjoy the view?”

“Enjoy it any longer and I’m gonna melt.”

“Someone other than me hungry for it?” he said with a hard slap to my right cheek before roughly re-entering from behind, making me jerk forward into the hot metal rail. I grunted at the pain in effort not to be too loud and settled comfortably on him, my body fitting him like a glove. He was in no way gentle as he thrust himself in and out of me, primal grunts escaping his chest every time his hips rammed into my ass. My tits would surely be bruised the way I was uncomfortably pressed into the railing. I stared at the rusted and flaking metal coating of the bars beneath my arms and fought to keep my legs from collapsing beneath me, every bone in my limbs turning to apple sauce, my muscles sore and aching. If only this kind of workout kept me in shape and was doctor recommended. And quiet as I was, there was nothing I could do to muffle the loud smack that echoed in the air when Victor got slap happy, or the sound that came from my mouth as a result. The funny thing was, the more I tried to shush him, the more intensely he fucked me, and the more sound we both ended up making.

“Sss, holy fuck! Fuck fuck fuck, Vic! Shit!” I cried out, the restraint I had for my volume loosening. On a slower day I would have had a bit more self control, but I never lasted long, or quietly, when he was in a more animalistic mood.

“Mm, that’s right,” he grunted, digging his fingers into my hip bones. “Lemme have it, baby.” And before I knew it I did exactly that. My legs gave out beneath me and I fell to my knees, failing to hold myself up on the balcony railing any longer as I came. My moans were beyond stifling, and I felt nothing else, not even the pools of sweat pouring out of me. For just a moment I’d fallen into a deep well of ecstasy, my head throbbing from the mix of summer heat and pleasure, before I regained some composure to return the favor.

I grabbed the thin cushion from my patio chair and placed it at his feet and knelt before him, taking him into my mouth as deep as I could. As hungrily as I could. Without hesitation his hands flew to my head, cradling the back of my skull and maneuvering me to a pace of his pleasure. “Atta girl,” he encouraged. He knew I was a sucker for praise, and after being a complete asshole I was expecting him to lay it on with the ass kissing for the rest of the evening. Now he had me working like I was the jealous one, when really I was only in competition with myself; I wanted to see if I could make him cum quicker than any of the other times I did this. I worked my head in a swivel and both of my hands in opposing twisting motion, pulling him into me as far as I could without biting off more than I could chew. It was useless, however, since Victor was determined to push my head down way past my limits. His hips undulated as he thrust his dick deeper and deeper into my throat. He’d momentarily pause and hold his place before pulling out to allow me to draw air, all before repeating the process. “Look at me,” he demanded, which was all he needed to say for me to know what time it was. I stared upwards at him with his cock still in my mouth, my eyes glassy with tears, and he pushed himself deep into my throat one final time and pumped the tip of his dick at the back of my throat. He held eye contact for as long as he could before his head fell backwards, eyes slamming shut as I felt the muscles of his thighs tighten. He grunted a low, beastlike growl before I felt him release all he had to offer in my throat, the sensation slightly tickling. I slowly jerked his dick off for good measure to ensure I got him for every drop before swallowing the thick, sticky fluid, swirling my tongue around his tip before he removed himself from my mouth.

“Ah, Jesus fuck,” he sighed, his chest rising and falling as he tried to recover.

“I think I missed that Sunday school lesson.” He rolled his eyes and looked down at me, head still resting in his lap, before rising and extending a hand. I grabbed and he pulled me up, coming face to face with him and the wild grin plastered on his face. “Back inside before my ass gets covered in bug bites.”

“I could scratch it for ya,” he offered, running a claw harmlessly up my spine. I shivered and pushed away from him before round two threatened to begin, sliding the balcony door open, relieved once the ice cold air conditioning hit my chest.

“No thanks. But you absolutely can buy me another bouquet of flowers. And a vase, while you’re at it.”

#request #victor creed #victor creed x reader #reader imagine

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allthingsarmin · 3 years

Note

fratboy/stoner armin!! in love with how you write asshole! armin ❤

Thank you for your request! I feel I didn’t do a good job with this one, so I will probably go back later and rewrite it. (And I really appreciate your feedback <3 I hope this dose of asshole!armin will satisfy your needs haha)~

MINORS DNI! Ft. NSFW TOPICS (weed, one mention of vomit, and sex (groping, drunk noncon), mentions of religion, one mention of sexaul assault).

Fem!Reader, FemBodied!Reader

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who dresses like a gentleman - wearing white shorts and a white button-up collared shirt under a cerulean sweater that compliments his mesmerizing blue eyes as well as a dainty silver watch on his left wrist and always comes to class with a freshly shaven face and cologne that is just a little too “manly” for him - but acts like a complete hooligan, making inappropriate jokes in class, pranking innocent passersby on campus, and getting black-out drunk at frat parties every Friday night.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who looks so poised and has such a refined posture, having enough manners (like holding the door open) to swoon enough girls but is such a menace when it comes to anything serious… like being harshly shushed in the library because he was being too loud or skipping finals to go on a spontaneous road trip with his frat buddies then sending an email to his professor saying he was sick, even printing out a fake doctor’s note, or pranking the sorority across the street by TPing their house or even how he can’t seem to care less when the police ruthlessly question him because there have been so many reports of sexual assault done by his frat friends.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who thinks he is so smart because he’s a business major and genuinely believes he is better than everyone else because he gets out of class to go to all these events even though he is undoubtedly one of the most irresponsible and reckless people on campus… having unprotected sex with countless unfortunate women who have fallen for his false compliments, throwing parties that become too big for him to handle - so loud the police become involved, so messy with red cups littering the floor and vomit being found in every trashcan in the house - and failing nearly every class he’s in because “it’s too easy for me, my advisor put me in the wrong class, and the teacher is an old hag.”

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin whose backpack is filled with anything but college textbooks and notebooks, like a chewed pencil, three packs of condoms, some headphones, and an energy drink.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who swears he’s being a good boy when his rich parents who are on their abroad trip ask him how he’s doing over the phone but is actually spending most of his weekly allowance buying weed and smoking it with his frat buddies, who often gets into intense fights with them because he “knows he had two ounces left, but now he only has one,” and who shows up to class high the few times he does actually decide to go - eyes red, a constant small smirk, can’t stop rambling about useless things.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who walks together with his big group of frat friends, taking up large amounts of room on the sidewalk and in restaurants, cat-calling girls they think look fuckable and loudly mocking those who look prude.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who has a main Instagram where he looks so well-mannered, posting pictures with his family or his frat buddies when they go on a trip together but also has a secret Instagram where he posts thirst traps, follows barely clothed women, and stalks accounts of girls who go the same college as him, even DMing the men at your college to see if they have your nudes.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who knows how handsome he is, who knows how easy it is to make your knees weak and your heart flutter when he looks at you from across the campus soccer field with such intent, biting his lip, maliciously smiling because yet another girl has fallen for his seemingly innocent aura as you excitedly wave at him.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who revels in the fact that he can convince you to do anything. When he’s whining so pathetically in the driver’s seat and pressuring you to just hit the blunt one time while he locks you in his car that’s parked on the far end of the campus parking lot. And you, so submissive and selfless sitting in the passenger seat, not wanting to disappoint him because his frown harshly tugs at your heart, take a hit, choking on the fumes and heart pounding at the unfamiliarity as a warm buzz sets in.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who pressures you to skip class with him so that you both can go to the campus cafeteria and buy an unholy amount of cookies and chips because he’s high and he’s hungry… and now you know why his bedsheets at the frat house reek of weed and why his crusty floor is littered with food wrappers.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who so easily persuaded you to play those type of sexually suggestive games at the weekend frat party where everyone is drunk, breath seething with vodka, and sweatily rubbing up against each other, so horny for a release, and so desperate to feel something besides the headache from the loud music… who you somehow wind up in the closet with, his right arm holding you close against his body as his left hand slithers into your panties and forces itself into your cunt because he wanted you to play ‘seven minutes in heaven.’

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who promises that there’s nothing to be afraid of because he’s ‘secretly a sweetheart’ but calls you his “bitch” and pats his thigh, signaling that he wants you to come sit in his lap so that he can feel you up in front of his friends at the frat party when drinking cheap, shitty beer.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who swears he won’t bite but gets you so drunk at parties that you can’t even tell him no when he takes you upstairs, locks the door, and practically forces his hard, throbbing cock into you while holding you into a mating press, covering your mouth to suppress your cries as his tongue trails your jawline and neck.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who prays before every dinner, keeps a bible in the lowest drawer of his nightstand, and goes to church promptly at 10am every Sunday with his frat buddies despite being hungover. Sitting in the front pews, he listens intently to the preacher, letting the word of God spill into his heart even though he was rigorously fisting his cock the night before to your pictures on Instagram, cumming four times but his balls still swollen and cock still desperate for your messy cunt, having to hold back his needy whimpers each time his slender fingers brisk past his sensitive tip as he imagines your warm, wet tongue licking off the pre-cum.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who invites you to a Sunday lunch with his frat. Of course, he looks so polished: a clean, white button-up with a baby blue sweater hanging around his shoulders and a pair of new Sperrys. When you show him what you’re wearing, he tells you that you could do better as he convinces you to wear something a little low-cut but not too much because he doesn’t want his frat buddies to think he’s dating a slut.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin whose friends look at you like starving dogs when you both finally get to the restaurant, never including you in the conversation except for when they comment on your body and how irresistible it is.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who doesn’t defend you and instead soaks up all of this appraisal.

“Yeah, she’s a good toy to play with,” he proudly smiles while gripping your thigh in his strong, pale hands.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who makes you order a small salad and only allows you to drink water because “you need to watch your figure.”

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who’s the perfect predator, the perfect manipulator. He can do whatever he wants without ever getting caught, howling at the fact that you try to tell advisors or teachers how Armin violated and manipulated you, but they just never believe you. “You’re talking about Armin? Armin Arlert? He would never do anything like that,” they chuckle… because everyone knows Armin’s an angel; he’s part of the frat, so that makes him a good boy, right?

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who you can’t possibly ever escape from because he’s done such a good job at manipulating you to be his little slutty girlfriend, his heaven-like appearance making it impossible for others to believe what a devil he is, isolating you as he convinced all of your friends that you’re just some cock-hungry whore.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who has done such a good job at defiling you, successfully taking your virginity and eagerly pressuring you to do things for him, letting him so easily enter your sloppy cunt as he takes in the sight of your tender breasts, contorted face, and bright red hand imprints on your thighs.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who despite all the manipulation and sexist comments, you don’t want to leave because he smells so sweet thanks to all the treats he eats; because his arm muscles look so good when he plays golf with his rude friends; because he makes your high from weed more fun as you two cuddle and talk about nonsense; because he is able to bury your shy side and awaken your submissive side as he slowly degrades the human being in you and raises a filthy slut whose pussy he makes so wet, so needy, and so pathetically sloppy.

#armin arlert #armin x reader #armin smut #aot x reader #aot

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jadedxrealityw · 3 years

Text

-Amortentia- Blaise Zabini x Female Reader

☼-☪-☼

Kody: BLAISEEEEEEE DADDY- im sorry. yeah yeah i’m changing the canonical storyline- cry about it. I’m also fully aware Amortentia does not work like this lmao.

Request: you can make the summary short and less revealing for more fun hehe. Also it's totally up to you, dear! Only if you feel comfortable with it and no pressure! I hope you had a great weekend and drink more water ily <3 - 💐

House: Hufflepuff

Possible Triggers / Warnings: Slight slut shaming in the beginning, Draco being a little shit,

☼-☪-☼

you had been alone most of your life with your parents being on constant business trips from the ministry that would last for months on end. You were practically raised by your nanny, but she couldn’t teach you everything. You became socially awkward.

you never had any friends back at home which meant you had no experience communicating with people your age. You were walking awkwardness basically. It came at no surprise when you were sorted into Hufflepuff, even though both your parents were Slytherins- they weren’t disappointed in you though.

you had just managed to scramble by through your first four years of school. Four long years without any friends, but you didn’t mind. You could get by just by yourself. You were a strong independent woman and knew how to get yourself out of sticky situations.

unless it was stuck up Hufflepuff’s- then you were screwed

one fine day in your fourth year you were heading to the quidditch field so you could go watch the game. Slytherin against Hufflepuff. They were both tied at two wins against each other so you were eager to see who would win. You wore a brown buttoned sweater with a nice pear of tan overalls.

the fallen leaves under your foot made a satisfying crack noise as you walked along the field. The cheers and other various sounds of students were definitely drawing nearer. You popped another flavour bean into your mouth when a harsh push came to your shoulder, causing the box of flavour beans to fall.

you watched as they spilled out onto the grass with a look of solemn in your eyes “Dang- that was my last box” you mumble before a couple of snickers were heard in front of you. You look up to see three students wearing their regular Hufflepuff robes with there own casual clothes underneath.

“Drop something?” one asked. A girl with light brown bobbed hair and green eyes spoke. You nod once “Uh yeah, just my flavour beans. I- uh i can just buy new ones” you spoke, already starting to clam up “Your a hufflepuff aren’t you? Why aren’t you wearing yellow?” the girl asked somewhat accusingly.

alert alert. Confrontation detected. Activate escape protocol 17B

you didn’t answer and went to walk past them when another one of the three, a blond boy with blue eyes pushed you back to where you were standing. Shit. You fold your arms over your chest, looking at the ground “Your one of those Slytherin groupies are you, a house traitor?” the brown haired girl accused.

you opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. This made the two Hufflepuffs more annoyed “What? Cant speak? Let me guess, your like those Draco fangirls. Sweetie. Your def not pretty enough for him” she adds, making the boy aside her laugh.

did she just say def? Have you ever even talked to Draco Malfoy? Not the time to be thinking about that. “I uh-” before you could speak anymore the girl held up her hand “Don’t even try to defend yourself, Slut” you went wide eyed. No one has ever been so nasty to you.

“I’ve never seen two Hufflepuffs go at one of their own, before” a girls laugh came from behind you. She had black shoulder length hair and bangs with brown eyes. Pansy Parkinson. In front of her was two boys dressed in Slytherin Quidditch uniforms.

You quickly identify the platinum blond boy with pale skin as Draco Malfoy. The hair was always a dead give away and the other boy was slightly taller then him with dark skin. He was very handsome for a boy your age. What was his name again? Oh! Blaise- Blaise Zabini.

“For Hufflepuff’s you two are quite nasty” Draco spoke, a grin playing on his lips. The boy Hufflepuff rolled his eyes “Yeah whatever Malfoy, what’re you going to do. Tell your father?” that struck a nerve in the young Malfoy as he went to lunge at them until Blaise put a arm out, blocking Draco.

“Now, Now. Let’s not get physical. You see, me and my fellow housemates overheard your very deplorable conversation with this what seems like sweet girl. Honestly, how can you bully someone who can’t even get a word in?” Blaise spoke in such a proper way that you almost couldn’t tell he was insulting them.

the girl and boy were silent as he spoke for a while until the girl spoke up once more “Oh so she’s one of your play things, Zabini?” she questions with a smug look. Blaise’s neutral expression switched into a disgusted one “I don’t have play things. I actually have respect for other woman”

Blaise didn’t let them get another word in before he stepped in front of you “Are you alright? They didn’t hurt you did they?” he asked, using his hand to lift your chin and inspect your face. Touching- “No” you say in a meek voice. He nods once with a small smile “Good, now let’s go”

you tilt your head sto side. Go? “Um- go where?” you ask. Blaise gestures towards the quidditch field “The game of course. Me and Malfoy here have to get ready and you and Pansy will meet Theo in the Slytherin bleachers to watch the game of course.” as he spoke, Pansy skipped to your side, linking arms.

“Yeah! We can watch them make fools of themselves. Now lets go new friend!” Pansy said excitedly before practically dragged you towards the bleachers, leaving Draco and Blaise alone. The young Malfoy turned towards Blaise with a puzzled look “Since when did you involve yourself with Hufflepuffs?”

Blaise rolled his eyes before walking off, not answering his housemate

☼-☪-☼

7th year

after that day you became part of Blaise’s friend group. He’d talk to you as much as he talked to Theo, Pans, or Draco. Ask you how your day was, invite you to sit with him at lunch and even sneak you into the Slytherin house at times.

some people found it strange. A slytherin spending so much time with a Hufflepuff, but as stated Blaise didn’t care much of opinions hat didn’t come from his friends, but all his friends adored you. Case closed. It was around the end of sixth year is when your feelings changed from platonic to romantic.

you no longer saw him as your best friend that saved you from a bunch of nasty Hufflepuff’s all those years ago. You now saw him as someone you wanted to be with, all the time. To hold his hand, have him hold you, for him to just call you his. You fell hard.

but there was this fear, this fear that it would ruin everything you had with him. It was too great a risk, so like any normal person. You kept quiet as mouse and refused to let anyone know your feelings. Except for Pansy of course, but she found out on her own. Then told Draco, who told Theo.

everyone knew except Blaise actually

it was lunch and the Slytherins were waiting for you to arrive, Draco cleared his throat, getting the attention of the rest of them “I have a terribly good idea” he says, making Blaise look at him curiously “And that is?” he asked, leaning in to here what his housemate had to say.

Draco reaches into robe and pulls out a pink heart shaped bottle. “What in the hell? Why do you have a love potion?” Pansy asked with a amused chuckle. “Well- Y/n confessed to me that she had a crush on someone, but was too afraid to tell them. So i’m going to slip this into her drink to move her along”

Pansy and Theo both look at each other knowingly. They know full well that little ferret was lying. Y/n told Pansy first. What was he playing at? “That is so wrong on so many levels, Malfoy” Blaise spoke up first, looking at him in distaste.

“Hey! She told me that she wished she was more confident so she could tell this person there feelings. I’m being a good friend!” Draco retorted, another lie. Blaise face drops a little “Who even is this person she’s confessing to. It better not be some low life Gryffindor” Blaise grumbles.

Pansy’s eyebrow wiggles “Is that jealousy i here, Zabini?” she teases. Blaise rolls his eyes before looking back at his plate “Y/n can like whoever she want’s” he grumbles. “Really? ‘Cause your stabbing your steak” Pansy asked, leaning over across the table.

Blaise was indeed repeating jabbing at his food with his fork “I will use the slug-vomiting charm on you” he spoke, gritting his teeth. Pansy just smiled innocently “Cursing Pan’s i see” a voice came from behind him. Blaise turned his head around to see you, holding a textbook “Sorry i was late, got caught up”

you take a seat next to Blaise, seeing a full plate and water put out for you “Thanks for saving me some food?” you say with a small smile. “I did actually, because i’m your favorite” Draco gives you a sweet smile, one that you laugh nervously at “Uh- sure?” you reply.

☼-☪-☼

once finished your food, you reached for the cup of water and took a sip. As you go and place it down you notice that they were all staring at you? “What?” you ask and Theo gives you a smile “Feel any different?” he asked. You purse your lips together and slowly shake your head “No, i feel alright”

Draco huffs and places his head in his hand. You look over at Blaise who had went back to eating his food. You notice something on the corner of his mouth and grab the napkin on your table. Reaching up you wipe away the food on the corner of his mouth.

Blaise flinches and grabs your hand “What’re you doing?” he asked, gazing down at you. You snicker a bit at his reaction and gently tug your arm out of his grip “You had something on your mouth, didn’t want it to mess up your handsome face” you reply.

Pansy chokes on her water, which turns into a coughing fit. Blaise stared at you blankly, just blinking mindlessly while Draco punched the air.

☼-☪-☼

now, mind you. A typical love potion last up to 24 hours, but Draco being the idiot he was accidently poured half the bottle into your drink. So it was safe to say it was going to last more than a day. “Your a bloody fool, Malfoy!” Blaise exclaims.

“I didn’t mean to pour half of it! Someone bumped into me!” Draco retorts while both Theo and Pansy eat a box of flavour beans they were sharing, just casually watching the chaos unfold. “That my be true, but you still served it to her! You took advantage of her vulnerability!” Blaise shouts back.

Draco’s face fell, yeah could be a little prick sometimes, but he also cared about you deeply. He couldn’t tell Blaise he was your crush, but he could try to make it right. “I’ll make the antidote, but it will be a couple days” Blaise nods “Sorry for shouting” he says. Draco nods once before leaving the hallway.

“Hey guys” jeez- you just snuck up on people. Blaise steps towards you “Shouldn’t you be heading to charms class?” he asked, crossing his arms “What? Do you have her schedule memorized?” Pansy questions with a small laugh.

Blaise exhales deeply “I have a copy of it actually. Anyway-” he says and turns his attention back to you. “What do you need?” he asks, his tone changing to a more calm one. “Can you walk me to class?” you ask. Blaise raises a brow “Why?” he asked, not that he would have a problem.

“I want to spend more time with you” you spoke very nonchalantly. You almost wondered how you even spoke those words yourself. Blaise looks stunned for a moment, before a smile made a way to his face. This was just the potion talking, you were spewing nonsense he thought “As do i? Let’s get going shall we”

you smile brightly and grab his a=hand, interlocking your fingers. Blaise gives you a small nod before covering his mouth with his hands. Both Pansy and Theo watch them walk away “5 galleons Blaise confesses to Y/n by the end of this whole ordeal” Pansy points, chewing on a flavour bean.

Theo watched along her and nods “Your on, 10 galleons they both end up being friends again”

☼-☪-☼

it has been TWO days and Draco still hasn’t made the antidote. He claimed it was because he had to gather all the supplies without Snape around, which was probably true. Blaise had started to kind of- sort of- maybe- like the attention you were giving him.

oh yeah- surprise! Blaise had had a crush on you even longer then you did, he just knew how to keep his composure around you. It was easy for him, but it didn’t make him any less terrified of what would happen if those feelings were revealed.

currently, you were both sitting in the courtyard, studying on a bench, your choice. “I think that’s enough for the day. I’m surprised you asked me for my help. You usually never ask me for any academic advice” Blaise spoke, knowing full well why she asked him. The love potion.

you look up at him, closing the textbook in your hands “Well, you and Draco are the smartest people i know, but i prefer your company more” you smile lightly as you begin to cram the textbook into your bag. Blaise feels his heartbeat pick up once again.

It’s just the love potion. It’s just the love potion. It’s just the love potion. Think rationally Zabini! “I’m glad to hear that” he nods once. You both stand up from the bench and the curiosity gets the better of him. “So, what people have you’ve been talking too the past couple days?”

he wanted to know if you had actually been talking to your crush. So he could murder them talk to them man to man/woman. You shrug your shoulders “Just you guys, who else would i be talking to?” you spoke “Oh! i have an exam to take in potions! i’ll see you at dinner!”

you spoke with haste before leaning up to kiss his cheek “Bye Blaise!” and with that you ran off towards the entrance. Blaise held up his hand for a moment before exhaling “She’s- been only- talking to us? Who the hell is her crush then?” he thought aloud before picking up his things and walking away.

both Pansy and Theo pop up from behind the bushes “For a genius student, he sure is a idiot” Pansy spoke, eating the last bit of her cauldron cake. Theo nods “I thought Draco would be done with the antidote already?” he says. Pansy grinned evilly.

“Yeah...he should, but i keep hiding the ingredients. Blaise needs more time to realize she’s into him” she spoke, wiping her mouth off. Theo gasps and wacks her shoulder “That’s cheating! and you ate my last cauldron cake!” he sighs, crossing his arms.

“Yeah? Cry about it Nott”

☼-☪-☼

“It’s done!” a loud shout came from the dorm hallways of the Slytherin house towards the common room. Draco came running towards them, panting like a dog. “What’s done?” Pansy asked, sitting next to Theo eating a bowl of popcorn. No- they don’t know where she got it either.

“The antidote for Y/n’s love potion. It took so long because i kept misplacing everything. All we need to do is sneak it into her drink at dinner tonight” he explains. Blaise shot up from the loveseat he was sat on reading a book and snatched the vile from Draco. “Hey! What the hell?!”

“I’m not lying to Y/n anymore then i have to. I’ll catch up with you guys later” Blaise said before walking out the portrait door. “Alright that’s our cue!” Pansy and Theo stood up “What’re you guys doing?” Draco asked with a confused expression on his face.

“Spying on Blaise and Y/n to make sure they confess to each other” Theo explains, walking away with Pansy. Draco blinked a couple times before shaking his head “Guys that is such an invasion of there privacy and trust, they are our friends and we should be respectful......i’m coming with you”

bestie things i guess

☼-☪-☼

Blaise had just made it out the dungeons when he bumped into someone “Watch where your- oh Y/n. Why are you down here?” he asked. You chuckle and push away from him “I was going to see if Pansy wanted to have another sleepover, why are you out here? Dinner hasn’t started yet”

Blaise thinks of his next words before holding up the vile “I need you to drink this Y/n”

“What why?”

“Just do it”

“But-”

“If you trust me you will. I would never harm you”

“...Okay”

you grab the vile from his hand and pop the cork off. You look at the vile then Blaise who nods once. Exhaling, you pour the strange liquid down your throat, twinging at the unfamiliar taste. You feel almost a swirl around your chest before you look at Blaise again “What was that?”

Blaise places his hands on your shoulders, your face heating up slightly. Once again you were back being unnerved by this guy, but you didn’t notice “How do you feel about me Y/n?” he asked, making your E/c eyes widen a bit. “I’m sorry- come again?”

he sighs deeply and looks you in the eye. Ooo eye contact, scary. “the same i did yesterday?” you say vaguely. because who the hell asks that kind of question. Blaise lets go of your shoulders and rubs his face with his his hands. He was frustrated. “Y/n, how do you feel about me?”

you shrink at his gaze. The first thought that ran through your mind was that Pansy had snitched to him that you were in love with him “I’m so sorry- i didn’t want to tell you because i thought you would think i was weird!” you spurt out, confusing Blaise just a tad more.

“What are you talking about!?”

“Pansy told you about my crush on you didn’t she!?”

“Your what!?”

oh if the world could swallow you whole now “Oh merlin- i thought that’s what she told you!” you shout before trying to activate escape protocol 17B again and walk away. Blaise almost thought about letting you leave but you liked him! he was terrified you didn’t! but you do! So, why would he let you leave!?

he reaches back and grabs your arm, stopping you from walking any further “I get it. You don’t want to be friends anymore” you spoke sadly. Blaise stepped towards you, but you looked down at your feet instead of him “Your right, i don’t want to be friends anymore Y/n”

you felt your heart shatter. That was until one of his long arms wrapped around your waist and other pointed your chin up to look at him “I want you to be mine and i, yours” he spoke, a slight grin on his lips. Say what now? did Blaise Zabini just confess to you?

“Oh...”

“Is that all you have to say to that? I just spilled my heart out to you”

“What- what should i say?”

“Yes?...No?”

“Oh! yes- yes. Definitely yes! ”

“That’s a relief. I thought i had just made a full of myself”

“You are no fool Blaise Zabini”

Blaise gave you a small smile before leaning down. Oh shit. He stops midway, lips centimeters from yours “It is okay if i kiss you, correct?” he asks. We love a consent king. You nod slowly, making his smile grow wide before he presses his lips to yours.

“5 galleons you little shit, hand it over!” you both pull apart as three idiots come falling out a nearby broom closet. Pansy spilled her popcorn all over the hallway floor in the process. “Screw you Pansy, you cheated you pig!” Theo snaps back, Pansy hitting the back of his head “I am no pig!”

Draco was just lying face first on the floor, hoping no one would notice his presence. “Oh right pug-face!” Theo smirks. Pansy gasps before pulling out her wand “You are dead you queer!” she shouts. Theo pulled out his wand as well “You have a girlfriend, homo!” he shouts.

Pansy sputters for a moment “That’s besides the point!” they both circle each other as Draco picks himself off the floor “I shouldn’t have come” he mumbles, dusting off his robes. Both you and Blaise look at each other before bursting into laughter.

☼-☪-☼

Taglist: @the--queen-of-hell @sonbelleame @dracosathenaeum @pxroxide-prinxcesss

☼-☪-☼

Kody- I have no words for this other then- what the fuck did i just write? Anyways, peace!

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platypuskenny · 3 years

Note

Can I get more f that Kenny’s physiology with his alter egos? I’m rlly interested in that

(assuming this means psychology, as a follow up to this post)

i’ve put it off cuz i’ve been busy with other stuff but i‘m really glad i got this ask cuz i love kenny and I love thinking about them in the context of their two alter egos!

CW: discussion of child abuse and neglect, including inexplicit discussion of child sexuality. also a lot of discussion of The Whole Kenny Death Thing. also spoilers for the stick of truth if you haven’t played it!

kenny’s been treated a lot more seriously in recent seasons, with a shift in character to be a lot more mature as well, and it’s a development that makes a lot of sense in the context of “the characters have undergone A Lot and it’s really shaped their personalities because they’re at a stage when their brain is still very soft and malleable and susceptible to trauma.”

the addition of karen in “the poor kid” seems to have shaken up the depiction of the mccormicks a lot. in earlier seasons, kenny was more passive about his home situation, or at least went out of his way to ignore them, (like in “best friends forever” when he plays on his PSP and leaves the house while his parents fight). there are early scenes where he does have some responsibility to his family (i.e. trying to win a can of food for them in “starvin marvin”) but usually he’s just depicted as a kid trying to live through a tough situation. though his “willing to do anything for money even if it’s deeply upsetting, depraved, or outright deadly” character trait from “fat camp” kind of tracks with this understanding that he prioritizes financial security over his personal well-being.

however, ever since karen was added to the show, kenny’s been depicted as a much more responsible and often even tragic figure. his parents are too caught up in their own shit to address their children’s emotional needs, and kevin sadly gets caught up in their violence as well in “the poor kid” (he’s also vaguely implied to be developmentally disabled in the few scenes he speaks up but that’s mostly speculation). because of this, kenny ends up being karen’s main caretaker - holding her close when she’s distressed at losing her parents, buying her a doll, etc.

kenny’s situation is a textbook example of parentification. he ends up taking care of karen, at least emotionally, because his parents and brother are unable to do so. he also becomes the breadwinner in “the city part of town” as soon as he gets the chance. this is a really unhealthy scenario that a lot of children in poverty, especially older siblings, see themselves in. it can result in the child not knowing their true place in a family that takes them for granted, and thus not considering their own needs and/or feeling shame if they need help because they’re so used to putting everybody before them. i think this tracks with kenny being “the quiet one” and rarely asking for anything.

that’s not even getting into the constant death and the fact he spent so much of his life not even understanding why he was doomed to constantly die in horrible painful ways, and for nobody else to remember that he even died to begin with. (kind of symbolic of the neglected child, huh?)

this brings us to mysterion and princess kenny. in both the superhero game and the fantasy game, you’ll notice kenny is the one who tends to get the most involved, with the only exception being possibly cartman, who could be the topic of a whole other essay on identity issues. mysterion is the one superhero with a real power who exists outside of their superhero game (besides the kewn, whose superhero persona is entirely self-motivated anyway), and princess kenny gets so defensive of her identity that she betrays her friends in both the trilogy and the game. kenny also talks about lady mccormick in the third person in the first black friday episode, and i don’t know if any other characters speak about their personas in that way. so kenny intentionally places more distance between his personas and himself than the other kids do with their personas.

therefore, i see mysterion and princess kenny as how kenny copes with his deeply repressed psychological issues. it’s a way to compartmentalize his feelings towards his constant suffering and the burden his family inadvertently placed on him by developing these two identities. one embraces his role as caretaker to the degree of becoming a superhero, and the other rejects it in favor of being entirely doted upon. (some people have read the prominence of roles as signs of a dissociative disorder, and i can see that with this context, but i don’t know if it’s really a perfect fit for any specific disorder, especially when there’s little information on kenny’s consciousness when it comes to these personas.)

mysterion is more obviously a tool for kenny to express his discontent with his town. in his first appearance, he states, “i could no longer sit by and watch as my city became a cesspool of crime,” which tracks with his earlier characterization as reluctantly accepting his family’s poverty despite constantly suffering. (plus i’m pretty sure several of kenny’s deaths were the result of crimes.) he refuses to be unmasked because he “would stop being a symbol,” and only does so in order to quell the unrest that his mystery has provoked. that "symbol" wording suggests that mysterion is an extreme version of kenny's self-sacrificing lifestyle to the point where he defines himself as a symbol of justice and hope, not a person. kenny himself is also pretty quiet and secretive, but more because nobody cares about him and he’s kind of afraid of getting killed any second. mysterion’s secret persona is something bold, powerful, and masculine. he is physically adept in a way we don’t see kenny behave, and much more reasonable and cautious about what’s best for him and humanity. (a good visual of this to contrast with kenny is the “mysterion re-rising” animation in the fractured but whole, where he consciously rejects the chance to go to the heaven full of naked women that kenny loves because he has to return to battle.)

mysterion is also a way for kenny to reclaim his "curse” and use it for good. as mysterion, he uses death (albeit reluctantly) to get out of tough situations and save his friends. in video games like fractured but whole and phone destroyer, mysterion’s ability to exist as a ghost and revive himself is a gameplay mechanic. this self-sacrificial personality trait has shown up in earlier seasons, and he kills himself for the good of the community/world/etc in “cartman’s mom is still a dirty slut,” the movie, and “jewbilee.” but he’s not nearly as interested in world issues unless he’s under pressure to care. (for example: he does join the workers’ strike in “bike parade,” but he’s not very passionate about it and doesn’t even care about the issue until his dad takes him to a union meeting.) kenny’s good with solving short-term issues while mysterion worries about the deeper, long-term problems with the town.

this brings us to mysterion and the mccormicks. when we see mysterion’s interactions with karen, we see how mysterion represents kenny’s responsibilities towards her. mysterion is able to offer karen elaborate, heartfelt emotional support, and guarantee that he’ll always be there for her. he also beats up a girl who bullies her and threatens anybody else who thinks about hurting her - more on that aggressive instinct down below. while mysterion’s identity is known to his friends and the rest of the town, it’s not known to karen, who sees him as a guardian angel. presumably, this is so mysterion can remain a symbol of hope to her, just like he is to the town, and so karen feels like there’s people in the world who care about her besides her brother. however, this does backfire in the fractured but whole DLC where she laments how her brother doesn’t seem to spend time with her, which embarrasses mysterion as he promises to tell him to be there for her more often. this implies that kenny gets so wrapped up in being mysterion that he forgets that he has a duty to karen as kenny as well, further indicating that mysterion is a way to cope with the tragic responsibility of caring for a sibling not much younger than he is.

during the superhero trilogy, kenny also uses mysterion to question his parents about their cult meetings, something that shook him so badly when he learned about it that he broke character. mysterion also told his parents to be nicer to the kids, not beat each other up, pay their kids allowances, and not smoke. it seems that mysterion is able to approach kenny’s parents about serious issues while kenny himself mostly stays out of their business - possibly out of fear? (kenny’s more confrontational in later seasons, though - flipping off his dad in “bike parade,” for example.)

on a similar note, mysterion is way more openly angry and violent than kenny is, especially when it comes to the death curse, which he openly complains about in a way kenny himself never did. compare kenny complaining about stan ignoring his deaths in “cherokee hair tampons,” which only gets further ignored, and mysterion complaining about it in graphic detail in “coon vs coon and friends,” even killing himself in front of his friends, and understandably scaring the shit out of them. mysterion also gets really protective of karen, violently so, as seen with the girl he beats up in “the poor kid” and his distrust when the vampires befriend her in the “from dusk til casa bonita” DLC. such a mysterion is way more passionate and loud about justice and direct action while kenny is more resigned, and most of his good deeds are unknown to the public. if kenny has embraced this caretaker role, it makes sense that he vents his repressed anger through mysterion, especially if you take it in the context of dissociation - kenny can’t handle dwelling on his shitty life all the time, so mysterion holds that anger and finds a way to cope with it by trying to fix everything around them, including kenny’s home life.

princess kenny is very opposite mysterion in many ways. most obviously, she’s a girl. kenny’s relationship with gender is something i think about a lot in light of PK. “tweek vs craig” depicted him as the only boy in home ec, and he was thrilled because it was the safe alternative to the deadly shop class. i think that, regardless of your headcanon for kenny’s gender (i personally see them as feminine nonbinary - i’m mostly using “he” pronouns in this essay strictly for recognition’s sake and because i’m mostly talking about the show’s depiction of kenny), he sees femininity as safe and comforting, but nevertheless very powerful. (remember that his mother, while not super feminine, is a very outspoken and aggressive woman who calls stuart out on his shit constantly.) and what’s a better combination of femininity and power than a magical girl?

also one thing i want to note real quick is that karen still refers to kenny as her sister in the stick of truth despite not being super involved in their game which i personally choose to read as Trans Rights Subtext

this is how we get lady mccormick / princess kenny, who is largely a passive character during the black friday trilogy, sitting upon her throne and cutely commenting on the surroundings while stan translates for her. then when sony takes her in, she becomes the star of her own show, a magical japanese princess who doesn’t take shit from cartman or his army and gets whatever she wants because she’s a cute little girl and now she gets to be protected and doted upon! also she speaks japanese and is not muffled in the slightest despite wearing her parka....symbolism? and really interestingly is that when she supposedly dies, she brushes herself off and immediately revives, declaring that she’s okay. in kenny’s feminine fantasy, she doesn’t suffer when she dies, and revives without any mess at all. princess kenny is always gonna be okay!

PK is also very flirty and overly sexual. it’s no secret that kenny is very interested in and knowledgeable of sex. he also absolutely worships women’s bodies, as seen with his views of heaven and that whole plot of “major boobage.” i don’t even read this as lust, because he’s ten, but sheer fascination with sex. maybe it plays into that whole “growing up too fast” concept where he tries to indulge in the “fun” parts of adulthood to make up for the exhaustion of caregiving, but this has been a thing since before kenny was depicted as a real caregiver so IDK.

anyway, i think PK is also a way for kenny to experiment with flirting and sex, particularly with other boys. she uses her coyness and, in the games, her bare chest to entice boys. her cuteness also attracts grown men in “titties and dragons” which goes largely unremarked upon, which is a bit uncomfortable but still works with the idea that she’s the most “lovable” form of kenny. she also apparently thinks the new kid is “cute.” iit’s really funny to me how kenny is depicted as interested in strictly girls while princess kenny only focuses on boys, which could support the idea that PK is a separate entity from kenny, or that kenny just needs to figure himself out. either way, i imagine kenny finds some thrill in getting men to pay attention to them when their male friends often treat her as superfluous, and even then it often involves objectifying herself (this also tracks with their behavior in “fat camp”). it’s kind of sad if you think about it.

in the climax of the stick of truth, princess kenny has her own in-depth backstory, where she was an orc/elf rejected by both the elves and humans. i think this reflects kenny’s feeling of being “othered” as non-human (since this game chronologically comes after the superhero trilogy) and just generally not feeling welcome among their friends unless they need her. there may also be some parallels between her friends denying her the right to be a princess and kenny’s friends refusing to believe in his immortality. when she rebels against her friends choosing the stick over friendship, it’s another way for kenny to cope with their mixed-to-negative feelings about their friends. so while PK is a figure to be doted on, she’s still probably more gutsy than the kenny we usually know.

however, PK is not entirely selfish or apathetic about the world around her. in the opening of “a song of ass and fire,” her inner monologue explains her choice to deflect to the PS4 side as the side she believes “is best for all.” she also laments that everybody, including her parents, will be fighting on black friday. it seems that PK dreads the mere idea of war, which contradicts mysterion’s tendency to use violence as a means to protect others. PK still uses her adorableness to help her team, and only asks that they accept her, which really isn’t much. it’s just when she, you know, becomes a nazi zombie and puts the world in danger because she’s so pissed about not being accepted for who she is.

in my original post, i used the freudian personality theory to explain these three personas, which i regret because i fucking hate freud and he’s heavily responsible for modern consumerism and planned obsolescence. but the basic concepts of the id, ego, and superego do kind of illustrate what i’m getting at with these guys. i assigned princess kenny as the id, because she’s more about self-gratification and getting what she thinks she deserves as well as a tendency towards sexual gratification, and mysterion as the superego (hehe get it super) because of his strong inclination towards morality. however, this isn’t that black-and-white, as princess kenny has some moral considerations and mysterion has violent impulses (the “aggressive instinct”) that are more easily attributed to the id. nevertheless, it seems that kenny is still the balance between these exaggerated personas, and when he expresses attitudes similar to theirs, they are far more downplayed due to the necessities of his situation as a caretaker and an underappreciated friend. kind of makes you wonder if/how the attitudes of mysterion and princess kenny will manifest in him when he’s older.

#kenny mccormick #princess kenny #mysterion #south park #LONG POST #kenny #answers #my-nostalgia-is-horror #analysis

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myelocin · 4 years

Text

Redefining You | Kuroo T. , Miya A.

Summary: The three times you realize you love Tetsurou, and the fourth where you finally say it. A redefinition of the love that came to you, unanswered.

Characters/Pairings: Kuroo Tetsurou, You, (Miya Atsumu comes on ch 2)

Warnings/ Genre: Mentions of alcohol (beer?), tattooed!Kuroo, Angst, Unrequited Love, Healing, Slice of Life

Word Count: 3.2k

a/n: I felt some things last night and thought about some songs, so therefore here is an angst that is near and dear to my heart.

[Part 1] | Part 2 | Epilogue | Bonus

The first time the thought came to you was at age 13. You didn’t know what love was, never really felt it before, but as you stared at the way he hid behind his bangs and shuffled closer to his black jacket- you felt it. The first tap on your heart, first flutter of the butterflies, and the first kisses of an oncoming blush blooming onto the apples of your cheeks.

At thirteen, Kuroo Tetsurou said his hellos through cheeky smiles and light laughter. When he didn’t have volleyball, he’d be seated next to you in your orchestra class sharing a music stand, and engaging in small talk. He scoffed at your weird jokes, but he looked straight at you when you talked about your day.

You remember thinking about him in the school bus on the way home.

In him, you saw happiness; felt it even. During movie “dates” where the two of you watched Bridge to Terabithia while video calling at one in the morning because actual dates at the movie theater weren’t allowed by your mom just yet. Now, in your older years, you still often think back to those moments and laugh to yourself at how you turned beet red at Tetsurou typing ‘ur cute.’ on the chat box.

And so at thirteen years old, though still innocent towards the idea of love, through your own definitions you decided that the only explanation was that you loved him. And so love him you did.

The second time was four years later. You had moved abroad after your mother’s passing, and hadn’t really thought about the boy with the seemingly eternal bedhead. You flowed into your new routine quite easily despite the stark difference in culture and environment. At this point, though you still had moments where your thoughts ghosted over Tetsurou, you concluded it to be the stage where it had become just a funny memory.

Except, of course, there was that one vacation your dad forced you to go on (it being his hometown), the one where you literally knew nobody and didn’t speak a word of the dialect, in some weird turn of event you found yourself pressing the call button next to his name. Long story short, there was a really awkward conversation about why you were calling him at five in the morning but he eventually cracked a joke that was so like him, that the conversation with him just flowed naturally afterwards.

A call turned into two, and then before you knew it, despite on standing in the opposite sides of the world, a deeper friendship between the two of you grew.

Phone calls between the two of you became a regular fixture of your day, something that you eventually looked forward to. Still keeping in contact with the same group of friends you and Tetsurou grew up with, sometimes it felt like you never left at all. You found out that he eventually left orchestra and instead devoted his time to the volleyball team in his highschool along with Kenma. It seemed like a natural choice for him to leave. After all, you saw him often scowl at the orchestra teacher during breaks.

At seventeen, you had that feeling again. You felt the familiar flutter during every goodnight and good morning call Tetsurou slipped within your day. Snapshots within your day included a random selfie Tetsurou had sent you and various other text messages that updated you about his day. For almost three years, you saw him through a screen. You saw Tetsurou falling asleep while flipping through an algebra textbook, yelling with or at Kenma with a game controller, or just laying back in his bed tossing and catching a volleyball while you flipped through your own notes. The distance didn’t mean much to you because despite being thousands of miles apart, it felt like Tetsurou was right there.

Your favorite moments had to be the summer of your final year in highschool.

It became a routine where Tetsurou, knowing that you completely trashed your sleeping schedule, you were more than awake at three in the morning for him to call. That summer he finally got his license and developed the habit of driving around with you, plastered on the screen of his phone, your voice blasted on the speaker instead of playing the music you knew he liked driving to.

He’d stop by a convenience store to buy ice cream and eat it with you (having your own midnight snack) at a quiet parking lot some distance from the city. And the two of you would stay like that for hours. You’d muse about the three a.m. thoughts swimming around your head that night and he’d listen, with the occasional snarky comment (that became endearing to you over the years), and he’d talk about the three p.m. thoughts swimming in his.

And despite being on opposite sides of the world, you managed to watch the sun together. Though, the only difference was that as it rose on your corner of the world, he sat and watched it set in his.

“We’re watching the same sun, though,” he’d say, and in a way, it made the distance feel a little absent.

So your heart decided to beat again, during a Saturday evening that autumn: when you accepted the skype call at seven p.m. and waved a good morning to a sleepy Tetsurou. He replied with a good evening before settling back into his bed with a mug of coffee and his fleece blanket wrapped up to his head.

“If you were here we could have actually gone on a date instead of that shitty video call, you know.”

You looked at him, pouting into his mug of coffee, eyes still a little bleary from sleep and figure enveloped in a giant blanket. “I know.”

“I bet we’d look cute together, (y/n).”

You pressed your face into the heels of your hands and scrunched your nose towards the screen. “Tetsu, I would look cute. You’d look slightly cuter next to me.”

He scrunched his nose and retaliated with an equally snarky comment, but you didn’t mind. The same flutter in your stomach told you that you didn’t mind. The way your heart pounded a little faster as you looked at your best friend bathed in the morning light, hit the final nail in the coffin with the assurance that you absolutely did not mind.

The third came in scattered moments.

For a while you had kept it as a secret for yourself, but eventually coming clean to Kenma one night as he drawled about how annoying Tetsurou had gotten over his new girlfriend. The blonde gave you a look through the screen before groaning, “My God, (y/n). I was rooting for you two.”

You couldn’t find it in yourself to hate the girl. Next to Tetsurou, she seemed like sunshine and you could see it. In the way his smile tilted a little higher and the way his eyes shone when she spoke. He often replied to her with a voice as soft as hers, so you yielded. “He’s happy, Kenma.”

Kenma looked at you with a flat look, so you took his silence as his response. Huffing out an exhale and pushing the controller to the camera’s line of vision, you met Kenma’s stare. “Another round?”

The realization didn’t come as a completed that came to you at once.

Slowly, even as you told yourself that you were okay, and whatever this was is okay, you knew convincing yourself was another story. The dynamic between the two of you didn’t change, or at least on Tetsurou’s part he genuinely thought that it didn’t.

The mornings and evening calls were still constant even though the duration had become shorter. Gone were the nights you’d idly sit and watch Tetsurou fight sleep during homework. But it was fine. You knew she must have kept him awake enough to finish the worksheets.

Jealously was an ugly emotion, you thought.

You knew it didn’t suit you, but you couldn’t help but feel it bubbling during that one Sunday night he’d rang you up at five thirty in the morning, because he knew you wouldn’t hesitate to answer (you didn’t), and waved a hello before flipping the camera and showing his girlfriend shyly waving at you from the passenger seat of his car.

Your throat tightened when you looked at the watch, then looked at the screen where he forgot to flip the screen, showing the setting sun’s light cast on the two.

You laughed out your excuse of needing to catch up on a little more sleep before you clicked your phone off and turned towards the window.

The sun had risen, and your heart may have clenched a little at the thought that he was watching the same sun set with someone who wasn’t you, but Tetsurou smiled in that special way with the twinkle in his eyes, so even as you watched the sky light up from the first peaks of the sun’s rays, you decided that because you loved him—you didn’t mind.

The next year continued like that. The friendship stayed although the dynamic you two shared changed. As the year progressed, you took note of the dwindling calls, and hasty text messages. You didn’t bother to keep up with how their relationship deepened, but still had the heart to like every Instagram post either of them posted during anniversaries. You held on to the birthday messages or songs he randomly sent you and listened to the words that you sometimes imagined were what he meant for you. Once in a while the conversation would last longer than the occasional greetings and things felt like they clicked back into place again. But the next day, there never came the nostalgic good morning, or the sight of him with bleary eyes in the morning light, so you tucked that little piece of memory and listened to the same three songs you imagined were for you.

And because you loved him—for that time it was enough.

Before the autumn of the following year began, you found yourself seated on a twelve hour flight back to Tokyo where for the first time, in over seven years, you stood in front of him. Tetsurou was beaming, and you felt choked up.

Tetsurou’s hello was made known through a tight hug and a, “Glad you’re home.” So for that short while, you wrapped your arms around him and breathed the scent of his jacket, because for the first time in seven years, in a way he felt a little like home.

So as he sat across from you and said, “You would’ve loved her! She had to go somewhere that’s why she can’t come. But maybe you can meet another time!” you didn’t have it in you to let your smile crack and instead reached forward to clap him on the shoulder.

“Tetsu, you’re whipped.”

He laughed but nodded at your comment, but again, you took note of his happy smile so you let yourself try to mirror the emotion he held in his. And because you loved him, you thought of the tunes of the songs you imagined were for you and searched for the momentary peace in that.

That one time where you finally broke your silence was when he walked into your apartment with a chipped smile.

Another two years had passed where you watched Tetsurou grow into a new identity. He still cracked the same jokes from years ago, that you remembered, but his change was first subtle with the way he liked his coffee made to the resolve hardening in his eyes, and to the ink that wrapped around his arms. But he still had moments that made him reach out to you, and in those times you’d catch him animated about the most mundane things in early sunlight— you allowed yourself to love him quietly in silence.

“I have beer,” he said as he shrugged off his coat and rolled his sleeves up.

From your spot standing in the kitchen, you eyed the fresh ink on his arms. “New ink?”

Tetsurou placed the pack of beer in the middle of your table before taking a seat in the couch. He threw his head back and looked at you. “Yup. Got it earlier. Come sit,” he patted the empty space next to him with a little extra emphasis, “I really need a hug.”

Grabbing the bowl of chips from the counter, you made your way to where he was and sat at the empty space next to him. Automatically he slumped against your form and began picking at the chips.

Your hands patted the spikes in his hair and you leaned back, Tetsurou warm against your side.

“I feel like I’m dying,” he mumbled in your side.

“You’re not dying, Tetsu. Your heart just hurts.”

“I really love her,” his voice didn’t crack like you expected it to but his hand fisted the hem of your sweater a little tighter, so you sunk your hands into his hair and began smoothing out the wilder pieces. This had always distracted him, so you hoped it worked this time around.

You gestured for him to sit up and follow you as you grabbed a can of beer as you sat up. “Let’s get you some fresh air.”

Tetsurou grumbled a little before grabbing his own can and following you to the balcony. You leaned against the railing, cracked the tab open and took a swig. Tetsurou joined you by the railings and clinked his beer against yours before taking his own sip.

Tokyo’s skyline looked beautiful in the night. You peered at the man standing next to you, his own can pressing against his lips. “What made you get a new tattoo?”

He shrugs. “Don’t know.”

He paused to sigh. “Just felt like it.”

“You know you’re a good person right?” you ask.

“I’m not as much of a saint as I wish I was.”

“None of us are saints.”

He tipped tipped the can back and gulped down the remainder of his beer. “Not many people have broken a person either.”

And after a little pause in silence, you reassured him, “You’re gonna be okay, Tetsu. In time.”

“I don’t think I’m in that mindset yet.”

“Yet.”

He looked at you and sighed again. You thought even with tired eyes he looked beautiful. “Yet,” he repeated back.

And somehow along that night, the hours stretched into a comfortable silence.

This felt a little like déjà vu. With Tetsurou settled behind you, chin on top of your head as he enveloped your form in his, the both of you facing the east. Little specks of yellow lights began to dance around the sky.

Tetsurou’s voice broke through the silence as he said, “Have you ever loved someone?”

You closed your eyes and leaned into his warmth, already rehearsing the tunes of the song that brought you a false blanket of serenity over the years. “I have.”

“You did?” he asks, and his is tone sounded a little shocked, but you felt it in you that deep down he must have known, or suspected something even.

“Yeah. Eight years. I saw him in everything.”

“How,” his tone was a little more tentative his time, considering he was now dancing on unfamiliar territory, “how did you let go?”

“I haven’t yet.”

He stayed silent but he squeezed you a little tighter.

And then the two of you watched as the yellow of the sun finally broke through.

Slowly, the morning light illuminated the outline of Tokyo. You truly felt like you were in some sort of déjà vu as you looked at Tetsurou, for the first time, bathing in the same light, from the same sun, where you fell in love with him all those years ago.

You thought back to when your friend had told you that experiencing déjà vu meant that it was the universe’s own way of telling you that you’re going down the right path. And looking up Tetsurou, who felt the warmth of the sun with his head tilted back and eyes fluttered close, you knew you were right where you’re supposed to be.

Which was why you traced the ink on the side of your wrist and in a steady voice spoke, “I love you.”

He stepped back and looked at you. “What?”

His expression looked a little confused and you smiled. Holding out your wrist to him, you spoke again, “I began to tell myself that every day.”

“I realized because he made up such a big part of my life, when he moved on I felt missing and stuck. Kind of like being in a loop.” You giggled and willed yourself to remember the meaning of déjà vu again before continuing, “So like, the times where he’d be gone, I just decided to replace them by telling myself that I love me. I told myself good morning, and goodnight, and kept snapshots of my day to remind myself that I’m living this life and moving forward.”

Tetsurou looked beautiful in the morning light. Confused, but still beautiful.

“I realized in those eight years, I lost so much of myself. And he looked so happy. His eyes were literally sparkling, Tetsu! I thought that shit only happened in anime. But that kind of love happened to him so I thought I deserved that too.”

“I got this tattoo a few weeks ago, see?”

You turned your wrist to the side and watched as he traced over the inked bundle of baby’s breath. “I read somewhere that it meant everlasting love. I was in the middle of another sad girl hour moment so I thought why not give it to myself? It’s a start, right?”

Tetsurou’s lips quirked up at your words before he looked at you. “I’m proud of you.”

You looked back and met his gaze. It didn’t hold the same sparkle that it did for her but you didn’t mind. The feeling of déjà vu never went away so you inhaled a sharp breath. Tetsurou truly did look beautiful in the morning light, more so as he stands in front of you with a gentle look in his eyes. More than five of the eight years that you knew him had you spent dreaming about the morning like this where you’d stand with your hands in his own, eye to eye in the same side of the world looking at the same sun that lay witness to your growth.

You took him into his arms and buried your face in his chest, inhaling his scent. He smelt as familiar as he felt. And the moment still feels like déjà vu you feel like you could cry. Your heart constricts in the way that kind of hurts but also kind of doesn’t, and you feel his hand rub circles on your back, so you speak, “You’ll find peace, Tetsu. We’ll get there.”

His cheek presses against the crown of your head as he murmurs, “In time.”

And in that moment you realize that even though you love him, first you tell yourself a silent ‘I love you’ , and then echo, “In time.”

proceed to part 2 here!

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flyingcookierambles · 3 years

Text

sadness over a3! eng i guess

oof just on my 700th day.....

kinda sad because of the announcement about A3! ENG server shutting down soon due to financial difficulties at LIBER/CYBIRD in the past two years (covid-19 related, etc.). according to a rather in depth reddit comment that had links to LIBER's publicly available financial reports + some financial reports from LIBER's parent company, Aeria, in english, covid-19 really hit LIBER hard since they had to cancel many money making events, from pop-up shops for the typical anime merch trinkets (keychains, plushes, pins, etc.) to the huge in-person events (voice actor meetups, the stage plays of MANKAI LIVE, etc.). due to shrinking player base on the ENG server + major loss of profits on both JPN and ENG servers, LIBER had to choose one or the other and they chose the JPN one, which i totally understand since it's way bigger there and the JPN fanbase will continue to give the franchise money more often. also, another person found a financial report/estimate from the google play store or something, and A3! ENG only made ~$20K to ~$10K in the past few months, which i guess is not enough to keep a server and localization company afloat.

i got pretty attached to the characters and it was a great game to help get by during college. and honestly, while i am very sad about this, again, i understand why LIBER did this, looking at their financial report from 2020. I would LIBER save the entire franchise rather than shut all the servers down, making us all unable to see our favorite actors ever again, even if it means that we ENG fans will have to go thru the extra steps of finding/reading fan translations, wikis, etc., to read any further stories from where A3! ENG left off. still, A3! ENG's localization was something special. i'm saying this as a TKRB JPN player who read the wiki for all the character voice lines and then had to see the official TKRB ENG localization make Yamabushi Kunihiro a rapper for some reason? lol. it was....weird.... meanwhile, all the memes and slang in A3! ENG didn't seem out of place and all fit their personalities because 3/4 of the troupes were all high school to college age and 3 of them were ~Gamers~. Out of all the gachas i've played, i feel like the only other F2P gacha game that had this incredibly smooth, all cultural jokes/puns translated in a way that still makes sense/fits the character/doesn't require a galaxy brain and some TL note to understand, is probably dragalia lost and that's only because it has frickin Nintendo localizing/publishing it globally for CyGames. Nintendo. i'll eventually read the fan translations of A3!'s Act 3 on the wiki, but it won't be the same without Kazunari's super high-energy influencer slang of "'whoa fam! that's totes 'blammable, gotta take a pic!" or Itaru's gremlin Gamer speak of "lol get rekt noobs" or Tsuzuru's tired dying breath of "that ain't it chief." the appropriate slang and relatable meme speak of the localization really helped humanize these characters as people of their respective ages, rather than just a typical formal speak or some directly translated JPN slang -> ENG that turns out super awkward that can be found in bad localizations.

going back to the reddit comment too, the death of A3! ENG servers could have bad repercussions in the future for other joseimuke games. josei, if you for some reason have been in the anime fandom but still don't know this term, is basically the genre of stories/video games/media/etc aimed at women. it's the mature adult counterpart to seinen, media aimed at adult men. basically shoujo/shonen = elementary/middle school/high school aimed while josei/seinen = high school/college/adult aimed if that helps. Joseimuke is a part of josei that is not specifically romance. while some josei/joseimuke can overlap with otome, aka female aimed dating sims/romance media, they have many things about them that make these all separate genres. one of the official A3! ENG translators and a known fan translator of another joseimuke gacha, Mahou Yaku/Wizard’s Promise, minami, goes more in depth with this in a twitter thread.

A3! was an actor raising game, and a big part of it was found family and relationships that were platonic. yet it got advertised as an otome, which has more connotations with dating sims and brings to mind other shoujo/otome games and anime where the cast is all high schoolers and the setting is most often in a high school. but, other than some characters making flirty jokes or implied to have crushes on Izumi/player character, many character relationships with Izumi are platonic and not romantic at all. Spring Troupe in the game also jokingly calls themself a family. the entire Mankai Company is basically found family. plus, since the game actually has time passing in story and the characters age with each year, half of the characters aren’t even in high school anymore. a large majority of them are in college or are graduated by now, with only a few still in high school. i’m not surprised if a reason that some people left the game was due to feeling bored with the slice of life/not romantic story, feeling that they were lied to about it being an otome, which was falsely advertised since it is a game meant for the older teens/adults demographic of josei/joseimuke.

i’m worried that other japanese companies will look at this shut down as a “josei/joseimuke doesn’t work well in the west” and never localize other josei/joseimuke gacha games like Mahou Yaku, EnStars, Twisted Wonderland, Helios, etc.

while i like otome and shoujo, i, as a 23/soon to be 24 year old college graduate and now tax paying adult, want more stories that have more mature themes and characters that are more my age so i don’t have to feel awkward when i’m playing some dating sim and i, a literal 23 year old adult, and trying to woo a 16 year old. it’s...a little awkward to say the least. i would gladly welcome more mature media that is categorized as josei/joseimuke.

sorry if this is all over the place, but overall im just sad that A3! ENG is shutting down. i don’t know if i’ll join the JPN server yet. i’m def going to read the Act 3 story via fan translators on the wiki, but A3! gameplay was...boring lmao. as much as i love A3!, im sure that the constant event grind/burnout and boring rng gameplay turned people off too and i dont blame them. i felt the burnout bad since i participated in basically every event since day 1. it. is. rough. i’m not joining the hellish thunderdome that is the JPN server and im not ranking anymore as a F2P player lmao. literally had to play almost every waking free moment to get into the 30%-20% bracket as a F2P person and i never got to top 20%-10%, much less top 1% lmao. i’m don’t whale enough lol.

i feel like i should probably just. crack open my genki 2 textbook and uhhh totally legal pdf copy of tobira. so i can just. get the JPN version of games in the first place so i don’t have to worry about getting shafted since overseas fans are often considered expendable.

i wish that, when any games that are online end, gacha or mmo or anything, anything online, companies will let fans archive things. or like. release a book that is just the story text or something. like. CYBIRD is letting us still technically play the game and have the story and all, but what if they eventually later shut everything down? why not just release a pdf/ebook that’s just the text of the eng localization for some money? i’d buy it. for nostalgia and rereads and all and also archiving purposes. i think i’ll try to help with any english localization archive projects if i can so that the hilarious and incredible localization that was a work of love from the translation team doesn’t just disappear forever.

well.

that’s it for now. as i said, guess i’ll head to the app for one of the last times to read the last unread stories and mini stories i have left, then the wiki for Act 3, and then i guess i’ll crack open genki 2 and bunpo.....

some fun random links for you to think about!

random ffxi article that came to mind (if ffxiv ever shuts down in the next 20 years or whatever i’d be cool to get a statue of my character at the end)

and death of a game playlist by NerdSlayer Studios on Youtube that has me thinking a lot about game preservation and losing MMOs and games

the lost media wiki and blameitonjorge’s lost media iceberg

other gacha games i’ve played that have shut down that i think about sometimes because the loss of A3! ENG isn’t my first rodeo:

terra battle & terra battle 2 (1)

AFTERL!FE

(related kitsu post link for archive reasons)

#rambles #games n junk #sad over a3! eng loss #a3!

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beelsnack · 4 years

Text

Obey Me! Boys and the Hidden Talent You Wouldn’t Expect Them To Have

Lucifer: Honestly, they had thought it was just for decoration.

Considering how little the brothers actually used anything in the music room, they had just assumed most of the instruments in there were just for show. The only reason they were proved wrong was by sheer accident.

Their insomnia had been a hindrance back in the human realm, but now that the constant darkness of the Devildom had taken a hammer to their circadian rhythm, they found themselves wandering the halls of the House of Lamentation more and more frequently in the middle of the night. While they knew they weren’t the only one awake at this hour (they had made the mistake of wandering too close to Asmo’s room and discovered that his nights were very active) they typically were the only one out of their room.

It was their second pass around the first floor when they heard it. A faint, unfamiliar melody ringing softly down the hall. Before they realized what they were doing, their feet had brought them to the music room. When they peeked through the doorway, the sight made them freeze.

Lucifer was seated on a bench, eyes closed in an uncharacteristically serene expression. The soft candlelight shone behind him, making him look every bit like the angel he once was as his long, graceful fingers plucked skillfully at the strings of the harp. The song was hauntingly beautiful, much like Lucifer himself, and something about it made the human’s breath catch in their throat.

They hadn’t thought they made a noise, but demon hearing was something else. Lucifer’s eyes snapped open, hands halting over the strings as the two of them made eye contact.

At first, it seemed like Lucifer was preparing to scold them, and they felt themself reflexively tensing. Instead, Lucifer’s expression softened.

“You should be in bed.” his voice betrayed how tired he was, even if he appeared just fine.

“I couldn’t sleep.” they murmured. Speaking too loudly might break the spell, and this gentle illusion would shatter.

“Hm.” he motioned them forward, patting the spot next to him. The bench was small enough to when they sat down, they were shoulder-to-shoulder with Lucifer. “I couldn’t sleep either.”

“I didn’t know you could play the harp.” they blurted out. Lucifer, caught off guard by their bluntness, stared down at them for a moment before sighing. A nostalgic smile pulled at his lips, and they found themself wishing he would smile like that more often.

“A skill left over from the Celestial Realm. Playing always put me at ease.”

“Will you keep playing for me?”

He chuckled softly. “Of course. Shall I play a lullaby for the two of us?”

Mammon: “Are we done studying yet? This sucks!”

They didn’t even bother looking up from their textbook. Mammon had done more complaining than studying at this point, and they were honestly too worked up about passing this test tomorrow to worry about entertaining him.

“You can be done if you want, I’m going to keep going.” they mumbled. They talked big, but they had been reading the same sentence over and over again without taking in a single letter. They knew that it wasn’t really helping, but they were convinced that if they didn’t spend every last second studying the material, they were going to fail spectacularly. Honestly, after one semester of Potions, they were never going to complain about chemistry every again.

“You’re gonna ruin your eyes, at this rate.”

They nearly jumped out of their skin. When had Mammon gotten up? How had he gotten behind them without them noticing? Shit, maybe they did need to give it a rest.

“Alright, alright,” they sighed. “I’m not retaining any of this stuff anymore anyway - ow, fuck!”

“What’s wrong?” Mammon sounded unnecessarily terrified, the big worrier.

“Nothing, nothing, sorry.” they brought a hand up to the back of their neck. “Been hunched over for too long, my neck and shoulders are mad at me.”

“Damn, human, you had me thinkin’ you were dyin’ or something.” he breathed out. “Here.”

“What are - “ they cut themselves off as Mammon’s warm hands settled on their shoulders. His thumbs worked soothing circles on the column of their neck before sliding down to work on their shoulder blades.

They felt their eyes slipping close without their consent. “Holy shit, Mammon.” they probably should be a bit more concerned with how breathy their voice sounded, but he was working wonders on their stiff muscles.

He knew just how much pressure to apply, just how to move his hands. The warmth of his palms seeped through their shirt, and they let out a sigh that might have sounded a bit like a moan.

“Hey, you can’t go makin’ those noises while I’m doin’ this.” his voice had gone just a bit lower. “You’re gonna make it awkward.”

“Sorry.” they muttered. “But you’re really good at this. You should open up a massage parlor. You would make a killing.”

“Heh, I thought about it.” he pulled his hands away, and they almost whined at the loss of contact. “But I don’t want to have to rub my hands over some crusty old bastard.”

“Oh well,” they shrugged. “Guess I’ll have to just keep you to myself then.”

Leviathan: “Hey, normie, open up!”

They considered ignoring him in favor of finishing up this very intense Pokemon battle, but it was pretty rare that Levi came to their room without texting them first. With a sigh, they shut their DS and hopped off of their bed to let him in.

“What’s up?” they leaned against the doorway.

“Didn’t you hear? That new MMO is having an exclusive pre-release event. Only the first 300 can get in! Go get set up, people have been talking about this new totally OP armor they’re going to - “

Levi cut himself, peering over their shoulder and wrinkling his nose. “What’s that?”

At first, they thought he was talking about their DS, but when they looked behind them, they realized what he meant.

“Ah, yeah.” the walked over to their bed and picked up the old stuffed dragon toy. They creadled him gently to their chest and frowned a little. “He got a little roughed up on his way to the Devildom. I had to get creative.”

The toy was clearly well loved, but the real attention-grabber was the piece of duct tape holding its front left leg to the rest of it. Little bits of fluff could be seen beneath the tape and it was clear that the repair job wasn’t going to last for much longer.

Leviathan clicked his tongue. “That’s never going to hold. Bring him over after the event tonight.”

“Why?” the human tilted their head, clutching the dragon tighter like they were afraid Levi was going to mercy-kill him.

“I’m going to fix him for you, duh.” there was a faint dusting of pink high on his cheekbones, and he looked away quickly. “I don’t like to bring my sewing stuff out of my room, I’ll lose it for sure.”

“You can sew?” they sounded incredulous. “Since when?”

“Th-there was a contest a while back. Whoever made the best TSL cosplay got to have a meet and greet with the cast of the movie.” Levi looked like he was about to catch fire now. “Of-of course, I couldn’t just go buy stuff, everyone knows the handmade stuff is better, so I learned how to sew.”

“Levi, that’s amazing!”

Levi blinked. “I-It is?”

“Duh!” they beamed up at him. “I could never do anything like that! I definitely owe you one if you can fix him up for me!”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” he muttered, staring down at his feet. How was he supposed to handle getting compliments like that?

“It is!” they placed their toy back on their bed in favor of wrapping their arms around Levi’s middle. “Thank you so much!”

“Whoa, hey! You can’t just d-do that all of a sudden!”

Satan: They quite enjoyed their study dates with Satan. The two of them could sit in amiable silence for hours and just focus on getting their work done. It was peaceful, and Satan never minded if they took a rest on his shoulder

As they struggled to keep their eyes open (a coffee break might be in order soon) they caught sight of something in the margins of Satan’s notebook.

It started as idle pencil marks in the corner of the page. Little spirals that slowly transformed into vines winding their way down the side. Delicate little flowers soon began to bloom at random intervals until finally, in the bottom corner, Satan was in the middle of doodling a lotus flower.

“That’s so pretty.” they felt Satan jump as they broke the silence.

“What?” he blinked, refocusing. “Oh. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it.”

“I should have known you were a doodler.” they laughed. “I read somewhere that people who doodle in class actually retain more information.”

“Is that right?” Satan muttered, more to himself than anything. “That explains my notes in class. I wonder if there’s a reason I enjoy drawing outside of a learning environment?”

They nudged him before he got too deep in his own thoughts. “You’re allowed to just have a hobby, Satan. There’s no need to psychoanalyze it so much.”

Asmo: When they had admitted that they had never gotten their nails done, Asmo had wasted no time in whisking them away to his room. He insisted that everyone should have a manicure at least once in their life, sat them down on the chaise lounge in his bedroom and set to work.

Admittedly, they probably should be taking care of their nails better, and it was nice to have someone pamper them a little bit. They hadn’t really been expecting the hand massage at the end.

“Oh, you have earth hands, darling.” Asmo said as he worked his thumb into the center of their palm. “Reliable, stubborn, practical. Fits you to a T!”

“Huh?”

Asmo ignored them, continuing to analyze their hand. “Your love line starts under your index finger. Well, with seven partners, I should hope you’re content with your love life.”

“Asmo, what the hell?”

“Hm? Oh, sorry, darling.” Asmo laughed, tracing his finger in a circle in the center of their hand. “I suppose I should ask before I read your palm.”

“Is that what that was?” they asked. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

“Mm, there’s plenty of things I can do, my dear.” he practically purred. “An old lover of mine was a practiced chiromancer. I always thought it was fascinating, being able to read a person just by the lines on their hands, so I had them teach me. If nothing else, it’s a neat party trick.”

“Wow...” the human murmured, staring at their hand. “What else can you tell?”

Beelzebub and Belphegor: It had been decided long ago that Beel could not be trusted with cooking duty on his own. So the twins always had joint cooking duty.

It had also been decided that Belphegor couldn’t be trusted with waking up for cooking duty, so Lucifer tacked the human on as well.

None of them particularly minded it. Well, Belphie minded it a little, seeing as Beel had to literally fireman carry him to the kitchen. But all three of them worked well as a team.

It wasn’t terribly uncommon for Beel to hum to himself when he cooked. The kitchen was his element, and cooking always seemed to put him in a cheerful mood. It was uncommon, however, for Belphie to join in.

They hadn’t really been paying attention, simply registering the twins as background noise while they focused on their task. But soon, Beel’s humming turned to lyrics in a language that the human didn’t understand, but sent a shiver up their spine anyway.

Beel sang in a smooth baritone voice that they could feel thrumming through their chest. The human found themself closing their eyes and listening, nearly forgetting that they were supposed to be chopping up mandrake root.

They almost chopped their finger off when Belphie joined in.

When they turned around, the twins had their backs facing either other, but they had paused in their work. Both of them wore identical expressions of nostalgia - eyes closed, lips tugged upwards in a soft smile. Belphie’s soft, clear tenor mixed with Beel’s low timbre, and, despite not understanding a single word, the human felt goosebumps rise up their arms.

When they finished the song, the twins opened their eyes and looked at each other over their shoulder. Beel honestly looked like he was going to cry out of sheer joy.

“It’s been a while since we sang together.” Beel grinned.

“At least a century.” Belphie nodded, shaking his head. “I’m surprised my voice hasn’t broken.”

“I feel like I’m intruding on a family moment, here.” the human muttered. They honestly hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but by the time they realized, it was too late. The twins had turned their gazes on them like they had just stood on the table and started screaming.

“What’re you talking about?” Belphie drawled.

“You are family.” Beel smiled, crossing the kitchen in three strides to ruffle their hair. “So you can’t be intruding.”

They stuck their tongue out at Beel, ducking out from underneath his hand. “Can you two teach me that song?”

#I want obey me character songs #shall we date obey me #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie

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prettywordsyouleft · 4 years

Text

10 Dates | The Confessions Date

Summary: Kim Junmyeon was the epitome of a perfect catch - he was successful, handsome and everything you currently didn’t want in a man. Yet after agreeing to his request to give him 10 dates in total to change your mind, you realised you might have been looking for someone like him all along.

Pairing: Kim Junmyeon x reader

Genre: dating au / romance

Warnings: none

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

After a morning spent in bed exploring one another intimately, you had walked along the River Arno, tried delicious gelato, visited more museums and monuments than you could count on one hand and eaten your weight worth in Italian bread. Another evening was spent out until the night grew old, and the sheets in your bed were ruined by the morning. It was constant heaven and when you got into a rented car to travel to Florence for the rest of your stay in Tuscany, you had believed there was a high possibility that you had already died and this was the afterlife.

It was all too magical to comprehend otherwise.

And even with all your mental preparation, as soon as you saw the Duomo in the distance, you were a lost cause. “Junmyeon, I’m sorry in advance if I cease any type of expected etiquette from here on out.”

“That overwhelmed?” he asked as you gripped onto your seatbelt, your eyes round as saucers and breathing became harder to do naturally.

“I don’t think I prepared you well enough for the history buff within me,” you explained and vaguely heard him chuckle.

You couldn’t explain it. Being in the city with so much rich history and architecture, the birthplace of the Renaissance art movement, and the place of your dreams since you were a teenager, left you utterly speechless. You didn’t know what to look at first or if your brain could even store as much as you were pleading with it to do. The hotel you stayed in held no effect on you once you found the windows, opening them up and staring out at your current world dreamily.

You flinched when Junmyeon reached around you to offer you a drink of water. It made you blink a few times before taking it. He grinned when you finally looked at him. “I should be offering you something with bubbles right now. It might calm your nerves.”

“I’m really here, aren’t I?”

He nodded, rubbing your upper arm repeatedly and you shivered. Junmyeon put his glass down on the small tabletop before encasing you in his arms.

For a moment, even with the dazzling world you wanted to memorise inch by inch, you sighed with comfort into his embrace. Since becoming intimate with him, there was no place you enjoyed more than being buried in his chest. He was always so warm and listening to his heart worked enough to bring peace to your erratic system.

You glanced up at him and shared a grateful expression and a kiss before looking back outside. “I’m glad I’m seeing all this with you, Junmyeon. My friends Kelsi and Ayla aren’t into history like I am. Which is fine, I was going to come here by myself when the time was right. But being with you makes it all that much more special.”

“You better stop with all these beautiful words you keep sharing on this trip or I might go ahead and ruin it,” he told you, blinking a few times and then looked outside, away from your sudden gaze on him.

“Ruin it how?”

“With some little words that shouldn’t come out too early,” he admitted and you smiled giddily.

“What if they come from me first?”

“I’ll call your bluff.”

You gaped at the man and pulled back to arm’s length to pout at him. “Hey!”

“Tell me when we’re back home. This place is our current paradise and it makes everything seem amazing to us right now. Those types of words need to wait until we’re back in reality.”

You thought over his reasoning and nodded. He was right, it would be all too easy with being caught up in the moment to rush ahead and say things that weren’t needed just yet. Two months could easily be enough time for someone to fall in love, and the romantic within you was certainly gearing up for it.

However, the whole reason you were hesitant to date in the first place was from those past experiences. Once you had confessed to love in the past, it crumbled away, the illusion of your adoration replaced with reality. There was no love at all, at least, not the kind you were searching to capture you for the rest of your life.

It could wait until you returned home. Until months had gone by and this dizzying honeymoon period had eased off. That was the most logical.

Your heart yearned for a little more magic, however.

By the third day in Florence, logic had all but left you. You were surrounded by a world you had travelled only through textbooks. It was right before your eyes, tantalising your senses everywhere you looked, listened and touched. When you thought you couldn’t be further impressed, you would enter another museum, exhibition or monument and fall further in love with Italy.

And with the man at your side.

As you walked around the Boboli Gardens listening to the guide over the Medici history, you found yourself thinking more about your return home than taking in everything around you. You wondered how much it would hurt to come back down to reality, to wake up in your bed back home and no longer at Junmyeon’s side. Would you be satisfied with sending him off to his dreams each night with a simple farewell over the phone instead of a kiss? Would you still see much of him once you were both back at work and pursuing the next big project? You knew he wasn’t going to just disappear from your world but you had gotten a taste of what it was like to spend time with him and you weren’t quite ready to stop doing just that.

Smiling to yourself, you decided you didn’t care how hard it would get at times; you would balance having a relationship with him. You grew excited for the comfortable moments to come, the bickering, the mundane parts to dating someone. So far, you had nothing to see Junmyeon any less for. He had ticked all the boxes you hadn’t believed he would and then some.

The adventure wouldn’t end just because you weren’t in Italy anymore.

So, when you were back in the centre of the city, you stopped walking around the Fountain of Neptune in the Piazza della Signoria and turned to Junmyeon, reaching for his hand.

“I can’t wait.”

“For dinner?” he questioned, checking his watch. “Baby, we have about an hour until our reservation.”

You stilled at the use of the nickname, your heart swelling further. Junmyeon seemed to become aware of what he said, rubbing at his neck a little awkwardly.

“Oh uh, I just said that.”

You grinned. “That you did.”

“You liked it,” he observed and you nodded quickly. A smile erased his hesitance and Junmyeon then beamed at you. “I know another secret about you.”

“I hardly would call that a secret. It’s a common nickname for a partner.”

He faltered. “Common. Maybe I need something better?”

“No,” you spoke firmly, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I love it… I love a lot about you.”

“You’re getting dangerously close to words we agreed we’d keep to ourselves, Y/N.”

“I don’t want to keep them anymore,” you announced, brushing your nose over his as you moved in towards his lips. “I can’t keep them to myself. I’m falling for you.”

“I’ve waited years for this,” he said softly and you blinked in confusion.

Years?

Junmyeon seemed lost in his thoughts. “I never expected you to say them so easily to me either.”

You tried to dismiss the moment. He’s meaning for a love like this. Not you specifically, you thought, still blinking in hope that would settle some of the way he had said it in your mind.

However, there was the unmistakable shift in his eyes, the same one you had seen back at his house, shrouding you from the knowledge he seemed to bear. You wished you hadn’t seen it. Been able to fool yourself into the sentence you told yourself, to hold onto those loving sentiments you both had shared.

Junmyeon knew you had seen it too and the confessions fell flat, straight into the fountain behind you, sinking like your heart was.

Was this the catch you had been waiting for unnervingly?

“Junmyeon,” you started, and watched as he moistened his lips in preparation of your heavy question. “What made you go on that first date with me?”

“The first date?” he repeated, trying to smile but it didn’t light up his eyes as it usually did. He was simply trying to buy time, figuring out his path forward. You implored him for an answer and after glancing around the bustling plaza, Junmyeon pointed to one of the alleys that would lead someplace perhaps quieter. You weren’t sure even away from all the people that your mind would silence, the buzz growing louder the longer you impatiently waited for his answer.

Eventually, he found a stone bench for you to sit down on, clasping his hands together as he looked at his feet. “It would have been much the same as it was for you.”

“Kelsi set me up with you. Her work colleague is friends with yours and showed your profile to her. I still don’t know why she put me forward instead of herself though,” you explained calmly despite the noise in your head. You closed your eyes, hoping it would settle it some. “Wasn’t it the same for you?”

“It was,” he stated slowly and then sighed. “It wasn’t the first time I was shown a person to go out on a date with.”

“Likewise.”

“Normally I would insist to Chanyeol that I was too busy to date because my career is in a pretty pivotal moment right now, if I’m honest. The last thing I needed was to start dating.”

Snapping your gaze to his side profile, you frowned. “Then why?”

“I couldn’t turn you down,” he answered, nodding along with his statement. Junmyeon’s eyes remained downcast and you wondered why he couldn’t look at you right now. What was so big that would make him feel less able to stare at you whilst he talked? His smile turned bittersweet. “Because I know you.”

“What? No, you don’t,” you corrected, your gaze narrowing on him. Finally, Junmyeon looked up, his expression sincere. “I really don’t-”

“We grew up in the same area and although we went to different high schools, I know you from back then.”

“How?”

“We did an interschool competition one year. You were on the history quiz team, remember?”

Your memories travelled back to a younger period in your life, growing clearer with the more thought you put into it. Junmyeon smiled again. “I was on the athletics team.”

Blinking some more, you tried to find the younger version of him in your memories but you came up blank. He seemed aware of this, nodding again.

“I don’t think you would remember me much. But I remember you.”

“Because of a high school competition, you decided to go on a date with me as adults? That’s nothing to be so concerned over; some might think that’s sweet.”

Junmyeon sighed heavily. “I liked you so much that I convinced a friend who I knew at your school to help me out. He gave me some pointers on how to approach you and then when it came time to, I was beaten to it.”

“Beaten?” you echoed and then sighed with realisation. “Do Kyungsoo.”

“Do Kyungsoo,” he confirmed with a light laugh, leaning back. “You dated him for what, a year?”

You were surprised he had known how long you dated for. Still, you shrugged. “Only for him to break it off when he said we weren’t compatible.”

“I had the biggest crush on someone I didn’t really know. I mean, I tried to know you. Once you meet someone, it becomes easy to see them everywhere. We have crossed paths in life, even as adults, multiple times before that date, you know.”

“Really?”

Junmyeon nodded. “I tried dating others but I guess the juvenile part of me who didn’t get the girl of my teenage dreams wasn’t satisfied. If it wasn’t you, I wasn’t interested.”

“Wow, you thought so highly of me,” you murmured, unsure of how to feel.

Should it be endearing? You felt a little uncomfortable thinking there had been moments in life where Junmyeon had watched you, had felt something for you and you had no idea he even existed.

“So when your picture crossed my desk, I thought maybe this was a sign. That’s why I agreed to the date. And then you politely turned me down. Was this what the universe had wanted me to understand all along?” Junmyeon wasn’t talking to you, but rather himself, perplexed over the concept. He then shook his head. “I couldn’t let you go this time. Not without trying. Which is why I came after you-”

“And suggested the ten dates,” you finished and Junmyeon nodded.

“But here we are in Italy, enjoying each other and our dream. Yours is the place and mine is… well, I guess, it’s you.”

“Can I be honest with you?”

“I hope you would be considering I’m aware how this must sound to you.”

“It is a lot to take on,” you admitted, chewing on your lip.

“I’ve been honest about my approach this whole time, Y/N.”

“Except when you acted like it was your first meeting with me.”

“Well it was, I had only liked you from afar.”

“Maybe it’s best we leave it in the past,” you stated, standing up and inhaling a deep breath.

Junmyeon didn’t join you. “Don’t you have something to say too?”

“Me?”

“Your friends coming on that second date wasn’t a coincidence.”

“That was innocent, simply a backup plan.”

“You said yes to ten dates but wanted to ensure you could find a way out if I didn’t present well?” he surmised and you nodded.

“I didn’t know what to think back then about you. I didn’t think we matched, remember?”

Junmyeon stood up and held out his hand for yours. “Can we go back to smiling and having a good time? We have only one day left in Italy. The truths we’ve confessed to, let’s navigate them back home, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agreed, slipping your hand into his waiting one.

It didn’t feel the same as before.

_________________

Part 8

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project-rosewood-476 · 3 years

Text

Every Rose Has Its Thorns Chapter 1

So I’ve finally decided to post the first chapter of my creepypasta fanfic Every Rose Has It’s Thorns. This is based on an RP that I’m doing with @creepypasta-shtick so this takes place in their universe that they created so a lot of this were their ideas too just as much as mine. You should go check them out!. Maplehood creek, Rosewood Prep, and Tabby Anderson belongs to me.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Chapter 1

Tabby Anderson laid awake staring blankly up at the ceiling. She was replaying the last months worth of events that happened in her life over and over again in her head. Like a broken record. Over the course of a month she watched the ones she held close all jump to their deaths one by one while everyone’s cheering drowned out her own screams of terror. She could still hear the breaking of the glass window as Horatio, the guy who made all of her friends jump to their deaths, forcefully shoved her fist through the window. It was an unforgettable sound as it would be one that would haunt the rest of her life. She let out a silent gasp as she clenched her bandaged left hand from the phantom pain. She no longer had any use of her left hand as that was gone forever now. Living as a constant reminder of what she failed to do.

She winced from the fresh bruises and scars that never healed as she turned over to her side as she looked at the alarm clock. It read 2am in big red numbers. She let out an audible sigh and she squeezed her eyes shut as she banged her head over and over again on her pillow. Insomnias a bitch as it was but it was even more of a bitch to deal with when your stomach is empty and your mind is full. She realized that she had school in a couple of hours with the strict regimen that her stepdad had her on.

“On top of no sleep for tonight I also have to deal with another day of hell at Rosewood Prep and another day of hell at home too. All by myself”, She said in thought.

She looked around at her surroundings in her room. It was pretty minimalist for the most part. She looked at her dresser with the lopsided mirror that made the shadows in the room dance. She had her Rosewood Prep uniform laid out for the next day. She had her stack of unfinished homework that she didn’t finish on top of the school textbooks. She would scramble at breakfast tomorrow before she went to class to finish the homework. Laid on the side of her school books and homework was her black bag that she’s had since forever. She then looked at her closet door that was slightly ajar. There was nothing in it except for a few nice shirts and a lacey pale blue flower dress that hung up in there.

Tabby flopped back onto her pillow as her eyes made their way back up to the ceiling. She wasn’t sure just how long she could make it at Rosewood and at home since it was just her now. I mean her only motivation for living was taken from her and Rosewood wasn’t a place you could survive on your own. She didn’t know if she could make it to graduation. She then came up with the dawning realization. One that made her bolt up straight in her bed with her unnaturally wide eyes growing wider. If she stayed any longer she would be killed for sure, whether it was by Horatio, her step dad or herself. Either way one of those three would get her it was only a matter of time. Tabby couldn’t die not yet at least. Not until she fulfilled her promises of avenging her friends and killing Horatio once and for all. She got up and winced at her bruises that were still tender. She got dressed in a white tee shirt and black jeans with faded dirty pink converse. She got her black bag and began to pack. She packed a couple of photos, one of her mom, stepdad, herself, her older and younger brothers, one class photo in the 8th grade that was just her and her now deceased friends, a picture of her little brother, and a couple of sketches of her that her best friend Autumn made. She then packed some clothes, hair brush and toothbrush. She was about to sneak out when she realized she forgot the most important thing. Tabby ran back to her dresser and took out the money she’s been saving for the last two years from her job at the This or That restaurant and her red plaid jacket that shes had since the 6th grade. It was enough money to buy a bus ticket and have a little leftover to live until she found a job and got a stable income. After she pocketed the money safely away and tied her jacket around her waist, she snuck out through her window.

Tabby landed with a soft thud on to the ground she laid there for a bit and groaned. She got back up and brushed herself off and picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulders. Tabby took a few moments to appreciate the peacefulness of the night. For it being in the middle of November it was surprisingly warm. Must be one of those freak mother nature weeks or something. She could hear the few cars going by occasionally and there was no sound of people. She could hear the wind rustling through the trees that were the woods surrounding her town. Tabby knew that there were shortcuts in her section of the woods that led to the next town of HolyAnn. That was where the bus stop was and where she could buy a bus ticket and get out of Maplehood Creek for good. Tabby kept her back to her apartment complex and ran straight into the woods and never looked back. Ever.

Meanwhile deep in the heart of the woods, the whimpering of the woman before them was not stirring Hoodie’s sympathies. She could shake and cry all she wanted, about how she needed to get home to her children and husband. Hoodie didn’t particularly care all that much. Masky turned to look at Hoodie.

“Hm, do you think we should let her go?”, he asked in a taunting voice clearly mocking the poor woman’s pleads.

Hoodie and Masky loved to toy with their victims. In Toby’s opinion, it made them take too long to get the job done. However, the creativity and cruelty the two of them displayed were why they were some of the Slenderman’s favorites. Toby noted that they were only violent with victims around each other. Solo missions and missions with only one or the other resulted in the two being much less brutal. Though, Toby noted, Jeff was much more crazed and violent than these two. Toby’s head snapped up when he heard the woman scream in pain. He did not turn to see what one of the men had done to her. Someone in the woman’s family was trying to get information about the Slenderman. Killing her would be sending a message. Toby continued to stare off into the woods, knowing the direction he was staring into was where several houses were.

Tabby continued to curse herself as she got deeper and deeper into the woods. She was clearly lost but she refused to admit it to herself. She then heard a woman’s scream. Tabby’s fight or flight instinct kicked in and she was on high alert as always. She thought she was running away from the danger only to stumble upon a masked man, a man with a frowning mask, and a man with orange goggles and the corpse of the dead woman. She locked eyes with the orange goggled man. She unfortunately has the freeze response so she couldn’t run or fight even if she wanted to at this minute. Tabby was a pitiful sight to see. All covered in various bruises and scars of different colors and sizes, unnaturally wide, haunted hazel eyes that were colored underneath from lack of sleep and were slightly sunken back due to malnourishment. Her cheeks were slightly hollow also due to malnourishment and she stood in a potential fighting stance that exposed her bandaged left hand. She quickly realized that running would ensure her getting killed. If she was going to die she was going to die with what little dignity she had left and face death face on, She wasn’t going down without a fight.

“Oh fuck…”, she let out quietly.

Like with everything else in her life she had the misfortune of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. She was having a flashback to when she was 12 with a similar situation with her step dad happened. Death was not new to her; she was the least fazed by that. She was more worried about her own survival at the moment. She shook her head to get rid of the flashbacks and to focus more on the situation at hand. Should she go with the situation or fight?

It did not matter how quiet the girl was. Hoodie and Masky have been doing this line of work for a long time. They were also blessed by the Slenderman with practically supernatural senses. Hoodie stared coldly at the girl. Masky chuckled.

“Well, well, well what do we have here?”, he said looking at the frail stranger in front of them.

Toby continued to make eye contact with the girl. He recognized the signs of abuse and neglect and had a flashback of his own. He had been hiding in a closet with his older sister. He couldn’t have been more than eight or so at the time. He remembered his father yelling and screeching at his mother. The sounds of a fight and his mother screaming. He remembered footsteps stomping up the stairs and his father calling for his sister and him to come out. He remembered his sister covering him in towels and blankets to hide him just before his father opened the closet. His sister had saved him from a beating that night.

He snapped back to the present when he heard Hoodie speak, in his raspy quiet voice.

“Let’s just kill her there’s no point in leaving her alive”

Masky seemed to be considering that.

“Alright, Hoodie, you-”

“No”, stated Toby abruptly.

“I’m sorry what?”, asked Tabby surprised.

The two men stopped and stared at the newer proxy.

“Don’t be ridiculous”, Tim began to lecture Toby.

Toby, however, stood his ground.

“No let’s just let her go”, he stated

“Are you fucking stupid”, Masky stated coldly, “That is a major breech of conduct”

Toby shook his head, ”There’s really no point in killing her”.

Hoodie just listened as the two men began to debate. He personally figured that killing the girl was unnecessary as they were not ordered to do so. However, he realized that they just couldn’t let her go either.

Tabby rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in defense. Although she looked like a mixture of ready to either bolt or fight.

“Oh please killing me would be a sweet blessing compared to the 17 years that I had and specifically with this month in general”. She stated.

She didn’t dare look at Toby for too long as she quickly learned growing up that if she looked at someone directly in the eyes for too long, it meant a challenge and resulted in a sure beating.

“If I do get let go I’m going back to where I live, clearly I picked a bad night for this and didn’t think this through enough. I’m going to find that bottle of whiskey in the cabinets that I know damn well my parents have hidden somewhere and I’m going to drink myself to oblivion and forget this encounter ever happened”, Tabby added out loud talking more to herself than to the others. She hasn’t been killed yet so staying and going with the situation was her best option.

Hoodie spoke up.

“Are you sure you’d go back home?”, he asked bluntly.

Masky glanced at him. It was like he could sense that Hoodie was analyzing the kid.

“I mean you’ve just gotten away from em, hm?”, Hoodie prodded as he gestured to her black backpack.

Hoodie was known for being scarily perceptive. Even Masky was staring at him.

Tabby huffed and pushed her hair back.

“I…have nowhere else to go but if I stayed I would be dead in the very near future. So I was running away. But obviously this is a bad night to do so, clearly I didn’t think this through enough and I have one other to protect…”, she said defensively.

Masky hummed.

“I think that if living is such a hassle to you then-”, he was cleaning the bloody blade off his jacket.

“No! Lets not kill her-!”, Toby intervened again.

“Why?”, asked Tabby quietly.

Toby looked at the girl and then looked down.

“Because I understand what you’re going through”, Toby whispered.

Hoodie pretended that he hadn’t heard what he said while Masky scoffed and was about to argue again when Hoodie spoke up.

“Let’s take her to our boss. Let him decide”

“Hoodie! He has to ask to see a human. Just simply bringing one to him-”, Toby protested.

“It’s better than letting her go”, said Hoodie with a shrug.

Everyone looked back at Tabby for her decision. It was either this or death. Her options were limited.

“Alrighty lets see here….I can’t run….That would ensure my death and I’d be hunted down for sure…I can’t fight all three of you at once….I really have nothing to lose anymore….so going with you guys seems like the best course of options to ensure my survival for now…I really don’t have much of a choice now do I?”, she took a deep breath, stood up straight and looked at them with an emotionless expression, “Lead the way I guess. The sooner I know me fate the sooner I can carry on with my life dead or alive”

Hoodie nodded, ”You’re right. Even if you ran or even if we let you go our boss would have us hunt you down”

Masky nodded and perked up.

“I’m impressed with your ability to make a rational decision in a life or death situation”, he mused, “Toby. You walk with her and make sure that she doesn’t try anything”

They were going to break the rules just this once. Maybe the boss would take pity on the girl. After all, he’d done the same with Toby. Toby went to stand next to the girl as Masky and Hoodie led the way deeper into the woods.

Tabby moved a couple of steps from Toby to give him space. She just looked at the ground praying that he wouldn’t beat her or kill her. Not yet. She walked with Toby not daring to speak. Being used to sneaking around she was quite stealthy. She made very little noise to where you would almost forget that she was walking with you. She was fidgeting with the hem of her white shirt like she was wringing someone’s neck. Even though she showed no emotion. She was anxious. Her anxiety was skyrocketing. She had to fight the urge to run every time she heard a noise. Her eye twitches occasionally. That was due to her being taken off meds that she didn’t need because doctors refused to do diagnosis correctly.

Toby had no intention of harming her. He could tell that she wasn’t doing too well, and he couldn’t really blame her. They passed the corpse of the dead woman as he followed the two older proxies. Hoodie and Masky were having their own conversation ahead of them. Toby decided to try to chat.

“Er..I’m Toby”, he stated, “What’s your name?”

He really didn’t expect a positive response from her. Why should he? He knew that she was probably freaking out. He did too when he was put in this situation.

“My name is Tabby”, she replied looking at Toby for a quick moment.

She looked wary and cautious but decided to show no fear. Hoodie and Masky paused in front of a haggard old tree with the boss’ symbol carved into it. Masky pulled off his glove and pressed the symbol with his bare hand. It began to glow faintly. It seemed like the woods grew darker, as if shadows were melting and joining together in some kind of macabre dance. Toby remembered being absolutely terrified of the opening of a portal when he was new. Especially a portal that led right into the heart of the Slenderman’s domain.

Tabby kinda looked up and around her in a mixture of awe and mortification. She stopped fidgeting slightly occasionally wringing her shirt before catching herself and smoothening out. She was desperately trying to show no signs of weakness despite how she looked.

Toby understood. Hoodie went through the shadows first and just seemed to vanish. Masky nodded to Toby and Tabby.

“You two are next Toby will lead the way”, he said.

Toby smiled at Tabby reassuringly.

"It-It’s just cold”, He assured her. His face twitched a bit. Damn it he had been doing so well so far, "It won’t hurt or anything.”

Tabby gave him a hint of a small smile although she was still suspicious and didn’t trust him or any of them for that matter one bit. Her eye twitched again. But she didn’t raise herself to be a little bitch so she jumped through the portal after Toby. She hid her left arm behind her back to avoid any questions about her hand.

It was cold and dark. Toby felt his feet hit something soft and cold. The ground always felt off. He heard the sound of a lighter clicking, and turned and saw Masky behind them with a lit lighter. The small flame wasn’t nearly enough to fully illuminate the entrance, but it was enough. Hoodie was waiting for them near what looked like a thick wall of foliage. Hoodie had his arms crossed and looked a little impatient. They had to take a walk through the Pocket to even get to the boss’ place, which would be dangerous for the human, as she was, well, a human that wasn’t a pet in a haven of killers.

“We don’t have all day.” Hoodie said firmly.

“I’m here” she said rather defensively.

“Good”, Hoodie stated.

Now he took off his glove. Masky protested a bit.

“I can do it, my glove is already off-”

Hoodie ignored him and sliced his palm slightly. He waved his hand in a way that would splatter the blood on the plants. Just like that, they slithered back, creating a doorway that seemed to lead into a huge town. Hoodie walked resolutely forward. Masky sighed and put his glove back on.

"You two go after him.” He said.

Tabby nodded not looking at him. She quickly walked a little ahead of Toby but she wasn’t more than an arms length away from him. She looked around at her surroundings. It was very different from her hometown where the only sinister thing was Rosewood Prep where she goes to school. She was used to the feeling of darkness making observations to herself.

Toby offered her a small smile.

“Make sure you stay close…” he warned her quietly.

Tabby nodded slowly, slowing down her pace to be evenly matched with Toby. She was careful to avoid eye contact with everyone.

The town was bustling. Toby saw some people he knew outside. Clockwork’s bar was bustling with activity. He could see EJ perched on a bench, eating…something. Judging from the blood splatters on his hands and clothes, Toby figured he knew what it was. The sky was clear and very dark. There were a bunch of plants and trees that Toby knew no human would have ever seen before. It was a very colorful place surprisingly, save for the pitch black sky and dark ground. But it was always cold. And it always felt a little off. Lights floated against the sky, giving the illusion of some sort of stars. The town was also illuminated by lamps and the lights from the buildings.

"It’s…different….definitely not like Rosewood Prep" she said quietly more to herself.

Toby nodded.

“Yeah. That’s the school in the town right?” He asked.

He was homeschooled so he wasn’t too sure. Masky walked behind them and Hoodie walked in front. A woman in a tight black dress and a wig stopped Masky temporarily and handed him a file. He seemed to thank her and continued to follow them.

Tabby nodded politely as she walked by the woman.

“it’s one of them unfortunately. There’s also Maplehood Creek elementary school. I went there for the first 4 years then I got transferred over Rosewood” she gave him a bitter smile and a bitter laugh “In Rosewood you’d either have to be very rich, mentally disturbed or very intelligent to get in. And I’m two out of the three” her eyes showed a dark, pained haunted expression.

Toby nodded. He understood.

“Yeah, I’ve heard that about that school.”

He looked around, then whispered.

"That woman that gave Masky the file used to go there too. You probably didn’t know her or anything but she did go there.“ He stated earnestly.

It was true. Jane had gone there. Toby knew several others who had gone there too.

"I never went to school so…well I did for elementary but that didn’t go too well for me.” Toby said.

Masky was glancing through the files.

She showed an expression of understanding and relief, “so they’ve probably have horror stories of their own about that place”.

She looked at Toby “don’t worry it didn’t go too well for me either that’s why I got transferred”

She remembered her first day at that sinister place. Meeting her first real friend and making her first sworn enemy and accidentally witnessed Horacio physically torture some poor kid. All at the ripe old age of 9 years old.

Toby nodded.

“Yeah. That school is absolutely ripe for producing people like, well…” He gestured around at the people in the town, “It’s why where you live is such a hotspot for, well, paranormal activity as well as people like me.” He explained.

He didn’t want to go into detail about his hellish elementary school days. He knew proxies who would watch that school day in and day out because of all the people that would just snap there.

She looked at him. “I now see why you guys didn’t decide to kill me… Makes sense I’ve always been able to see paranormal shit all my life from the time I could remember…I guess that I’ve always had some sort of potential”

she gave a bitter laugh.

“Who knew that my step dad would be proven wrong about me. The shit I saw and went through made me the survivor that I am today and I don’t mean to undermine your hellish experience but to me that sounds like heaven compared to Rosewood. I wish I had your elementary experience”

She hesitated for a minute before her expression turned dark, fearful and pained.

“Are you aware of anyone named Horatio Galloway?” She asked quietly

She held her bandaged left hand close to her.

“Ha, well I mean if you define "heaven” as being relentlessly tormented by all your peers, having a hate club made about you, and being put in the hospital twice by kids older then you then I suppose so.“ Toby smiled.

"Also, usually we kill people who are sensitive to the paranormal. Well, the people who work for my boss do.”

Toby was silent after being asked about the stranger.

“I’m not, I’m sorry. Though someone else here might be aware of who he is.”

“I had all of that and more. I’ve been put in the hospital more times then I care to remember”, she physically flinched as she felt the phantom pain of her hand and the beatings of her step dad.

"At least you didn’t watch the only people who were the closest thing you had to a real family jump to their deaths one by one at the hands of Horatio. And there was nothing I could do about it”, she went quiet.

“I-I said too much. It’s not really anyone else’s business”, she tilted her head to the side thoughtfully, “hm…if I die I at least will be with my friends again…hopefully” she sighed “that’s fine…I’ll get my revenge eventually…if I live long enough…”

Toby nodded. He understood. He spoke.

“My father liked to say that my sister died in a car crash. She was in one, that was true, but the reason it killed her was because of a head wound my father had given her. The car cr-a-ash-”, he stopped and cleared his throat, “was simply just an excuse.”

“Dads aren’t shit”, she said as she playfully punched his arm gently with her right hand with a small smile.

Toby understood what it was like to lose people. So did a lot of the folks here. They soon were heading up a steep hill towards a monolith of a mansion. It was beautiful, with sprawling gardens and marble columns. All three of the men quickened their steps towards the metal gate, which swung open to let the group in. It seemed that whoever or whatever was inside was expecting him. Toby figured Masky had let the boss know. All proxies could communicate telepathically with their boss. But only their boss.

She almost forgot about her anxiety as she was talking to Toby. Her anxiety spiked up as she was about to receive her fate. She went back to wringing her shirt.

“Its so strange…I might die at any minute now and I’m strangely okay with this. You know death was very real to be growing up. I knew I’ll die any day now whether I’ll do it myself or someone else would”, she shook her head, “I just never expected my death to be like this. This turned out to be a longer night then expected”

Toby patted her shoulder.

She dodged his touch and then offered him an apologetic smile.

“Sorry instincts”

“I’ll vouch for you.” He said simply.

“What if that’s not enough? What if I have to die anyways regardless?”, stated Tabby.

Hoodie led them up the stairs to a huge door, that also creaked open invitingly. The inside of the mansion was beautiful, with golden curtails, matching rugs, and wooden floors. Two people in matching masks and uniforms closed the door when Masky had stepped through. Without a word, they both gestured, at the same time, for the group to follow them.

Tabby whistled and was impressed at her surroundings.

“This is so much better than my apartment…”

Toby glanced at Tabby.

“Disgraced proxies.” He explained, then mentioned he would explain everything later to her after the conversation with his boss.

“Oh…”, she nodded an okay as he said that he’ll explain later. She sincerely hoped that she would be alive for the explanation.

She made the sign of the cross and put her hands together in a silent prayer and followed them. She stood up straight with her hands to her sides and kept a neutral emotionless expression for first impressions.

Toby understood. There wasn’t much he could do for her except put in a good word for her. Masky looked like he had a bit of a headache. The two people in the pearly colored masks eventually led them to a heavy door. One of them pushed it open. This room was darker than the rest of the mansion. It was cold. Painting of landscapes hung on the walls. It seemed to be some sort of sitting room. In the corner, on a plush armchair, rested a tall imposing figure. As soon as Hoodie, Masky, and Toby entered the room, they approached the chair and kneeled. The proxies in the pearly masks kneeled right next to the door, allowing Tabby to go in. Tabby entered the room cautiously and looked around. Tabby didn’t know what to do. She saw everyone else kneeling so she did the same too. Wincing at her bruises as she did. She looked down, not daring to speak or look up until she was spoken too.

The room seemed to rumble as the figure in the chair spoke.

“Masky…why have you brought this human here?”, It was a smooth, but chilling voice.

Masky remained kneeling, and addressed his creator.

“Conflict in the group as to what to do with her, sir.”, Masky said.

The being chuckled coldly.

“How silly. Why did you not just do away with her?” The being asked.

Masky sighed, and responded.

“Some in the group believe there is no purpose in killing her.” He stated firmly.

Toby was muttering something under his breath, over and over. “Cruel but fair, cruel but fair, cruel but fair-”

There was only one thought in her mind, "is this really going to be the end of me?”

That was when Toby stepped in.

“Sir! Don’t punish my teammates for what I did. They both wanted to kill her but I suggested bringing her to you! I figured she…that she could be useful, maybe. Even if you just let her go, sir.”

That’s when Tabby stepped in.

“Now wait a minute! If anyone should be killed it’s me!”

She quickly turned to the being.

“Sir with all due respect, I should be killed. I was the one who made the stupid decision to run away from home. I was stupid enough to stumble upon them doing their job. I never should have ran away in the first place. I was stupid enough to not run away from what I stumbled upon when I had the chance”

she said more quietly, “sir please don’t punish them for my own stupidity. It should be me and me alone. I’ll take the full blow if I must and even if it includes death”, she looked down.

Toby looked at her in shock, hoodie sucked in a breath, and Masky sighed, facepalmed and shook his head.

She realized her mistake but it was too late to take it back. The damage was done. She was sure for certain now that she’ll definitely be killed now. She waited for the consequence.

“Silence.”, The figure said, waving his tentacles threateningly.

"I hold these men to a higher standard than mere humans. However…“, The being cocked his head. "I’ll admit that usually the humans brought before me simply beg for their life. You did not, which…amuses me.”

“Oh…yeah I forgot about my own life for a minute there…uh….spare me? Please?”, she said awkwardly not really putting much effort into it.

Toby perked up. She might just be spared.

“You simply were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Normally, I would have you slaughtered anyways.”, the being paused.

The proxies remained kneeling. The Slenderman seemed to settle.

“Since you have amused me, I’ll put your fate in your own hands. You can choose to die, in which case I shall send you out with either Knot or Paene.”, he gestured to the two proxies in the pearly masks, “Or, you could stay here, and see what we can make of you.”

“You mean if I choose to stay I can live and eventually get my revenge and a new life?”, she asked in disbelief.

She thought about it, “but if I stay I’ll never see my mother or little brother again…” she then remembered that her mother and little brother were treated better than her. He would never beat them, only her.

"They don’t really need me…and I have nothing else to lose… and I have been asking for a second chance at life since I was 12…“

She looked at the being making her final decision. As she said something that she didn’t believe, "I want to stay”. Meaning that she wants to live.

"Very well.“, the powerful being said, and offered her his hand to shake. He could sense something in her that was…darker.

Tabby gave him a firm handshake with her right hand to seal the deal.

"You may stay with either Masky, Hoodie, or Toby.”, the being said.

"I’ll stay with Toby", she quickly looked down. Her chances of surviving would greatly increase if she stuck to him for now. Besides he was nice to her and spared her life so she kinda owes him.

Once she proved herself useful, she could have her own home. Until then, she needed a mentor and someone who could explain the new life she was given. The being nodded to Knot and Paene to show the group out. He actually had some business to attend to with Masky and Masky only, and it involved the files he had brought to him. The Slenderman nodded, and sent her, Hoodie, and Toby out while he spoke with Masky privately. Toby was happy to at least be able to help her adjust. He hoped she’d be able to make the cut. Even though he was new, he was still a decent proxy meaning the apartment he had had two rooms and enough space for them to live comfortably. Jane was their neighbor along with a few others Toby had never met. Tabby followed Toby closely; she was careful not to stare as she was Generally polite for the most part. She saw a doctor with stitches going across her. She made damn sure to avoid her since she didn’t like doctors. She saw an eccentric child playing with LJ, the Doll maker and Jason the toy maker. She saw two boys arguing with each other that reminded her of an old married couple.

Toby was thinking.

“We can get Jane to make you a mask.”, he said, “I think you might like her."

Tabby looked offended, "what’s wrong with my face? Is it because of my eyes?”.

She did have unnaturally wide eyes. She often got picked on for them. People called her wide-eyed, bugsy, googly eyes ect…

“No, no it’s nothing to do with your face!”, Toby assured her, “It’s just that people like us wear masks. It’s kind of like our new identity. But any face covering works, really.”

They passed a haggard, tall, skeletal thing with long tangled black hair. The creature’s limbs were covered with dirt, mud, blood, and other…things. It watched Toby and Tabby continue on, mouth ripped open and hanging near its collar bone. It stared with its yellow blank stare. They passed a tall man with broad shoulders, very attractive and charming-looking. He was holding a cat in his arms. He looked relatively normal. They finally made it to Toby’s apartment building.

She looked at the apartment complex, “it’s a lot nicer than my old apartment…”

She didn’t look at the other people as she didn’t want others to kill her. He led her into the lobby. The lobby was empty, save for a lady at the front desk. She looked normal, save for the fact she had no eyes and her mouth was stitched shut. She was doing paperwork. Toby didn’t seem to mind.

“Come on!”, He said, a little excited to show her where she’d be staying.

Tabby gave him a small smile and let him lead the way. Toby let her into his apartment. It was oddly clean despite being lived in by an 18 year old boy. The blinds were open. There were a few dishes on the sink but nothing too unclean. The walls were a light green with dark brown trim. It was a decent place. A little cat slept peacefully on the couch. It was quiet besides the humming.

“Your room will be the door right next to the hall closet.”, he stated, “My room is locked, so don’t worry about getting into the wrong room.”

She nodded in understanding as she took in her surroundings. She dropped her backpack in a corner and slowly walked up to the cat cooing at it. Not daring to touch it until she gained its trust but it’s evident that she has a soft spot for cats.

“Your apartment is nice and it’s relatively clean…I always had to play Cinderella at my old apartment”, said Tabby.

Toby smiled.

“I just like being in clean spaces.”, he said, not wanting to get into the reasons for that.

He introduced the cat to her. The cat’s name was Nugget.

“She was a stray. I found her beating the crap out of some raccoon so I took her in. She’s a real big baby.”

Nugget remained asleep, obviously unbothered by Tabby’s presence.

She nodded, “so do I. I have Bad OCD”, she left it at that not wanting to get into the reasons for that.

"Nugget is really cute. I love cats"

“Well, lucky for you, Nugget loves sleeping in your room so you may wake up and find her next to you.”, Toby said with a smile, “I’ll give you some time to settle in.”.

“Okay” she picked her back pack up and went to her room.

It looked the same as the rest of the place with the same colors just smaller. There was already another bed with a small bedside table and a small dresser with a mirror on it. She unpacked. She only had a week’s worth of clothes for summer and winter and like 3 pairs of pjs. She put socks and underwear in one drawer, shirts in the next, pants in the next and then pjs in the next. She hung up the plain pale blue long sleeved dress that she had in the closet. She put her hygiene products and feminine products in her closet. Lastly she took out the two pictures that she had and put them on the nightstand. And she took out a couple of sketches that her best friend Autumn made for her. They were both of Tabby in different poses. She laid them on the bed. The bed was bare as there was no bedding on it. She’ll buy frames for her pictures and bedding for her bed once she got money. She’ll ask later if she could hang stuff up on the wall.

Toby busied himself while she got settled into her new room. He had done the dishes from what he had managed to eat that day and checked on the food he had. He was running low, but thankfully he’d soon be paid for the mission with a bonus, as he was now training someone. Proxies got paid per mission, though it was always possible to get money on the side. The longer and more complex the mission, the more pay you’d get for it. Toby had finished cleaning up his mess in the kitchen and was looking over his mission schedule for that week. He had given Jane a call to let her know her services would soon be needed. He figured that a friendly female presence would help Tabby adjust to this place, and he knew the moment she had her mask was the moment she could go around The Pocket safely. Jane would make it to her liking. Toby knew that while he’d be the primary mentor, there were things he could not teach her and would need help with. He also knew that he needed to explain the rules.

She sat on the bed and looked into the mirror and took a good long look at her reflection and took the time to process tonight’s events. How fucking quickly her life changed from running away to becoming a proxy.

“Wtf actually happened? How did I survive this?”, she said out loud to herself.

Toby knew his schedule was clear the next day. That would be good. He figured that they soon would need to get something to eat but Toby didn’t feel it was a good idea for Tabby to go out too far without a mask. Not wearing a mask made you a target for the malus population, or even sometimes higher ranked monsters or other proxies. It was deemed unacceptable to not wear one unless on a stealth mission. Thankfully Tabby has bad social anxiety so it’s unlikely that she’ll ever venture out by herself. If anything she’ll venture out if she had too only with another person with her. Toby knew that she would have to make friends to survive for long here. It was always best to have someone in your corner unless things went to crap. Thankfully Toby knew some decent people who could definitely help her out of her shell a tad and also would be loyal. She decided to leave Toby alone for now since she didn’t want to get in his way and bother him. He knew where to get her if he needed her. She just flopped on the bed staring up at the ceiling. It’s insomnia week so she’s not going to sleep for a couple of days. Her anxiety died down and the adrenaline wore off.

She talked quietly out loud to herself, “Alrighty ground rules. Don’t speak unless spoken too. Only make eye contact for a little bit when someone is talking to you. Always be polite and respectful, fight if you have too, just keep your head low, stay out of the way and if someone asks you to do something quickly, quietly and efficiently”.

She nodded as she agreed with the rules that she made for herself. She gave herself a little pep talk.

“I survived Rosewood for the last 8 years. I can survive here. This is no different from Rosewood only the steaks are higher. I can live with that. I’m sure there’s a weapon store somewhere here. I can buy some weapons to defend myself with when I absolutely have to go alone”. She took a deep breath “I’m finally going to do it Autumn…I’m going to avenge you and the others….just hold on”

Toby knocked on her door, and let her know he was going out for groceries. He told her Jane would be over in about fifteen minutes to start working on a mask with her and asked her if she needed anything. He was planning on just making some simple food for dinner. Jane was a very talented mask maker, and Toby knew that she would do a good job with Tabby’s. Toby had a bit of a flashback. When he was new, still slightly burned and bruised from the fire, he was sitting down on some stone steps outside a building and he was crying. He remembered feeling a tap on his shoulder and seeing Jane sitting next to him. She was ranked lower than he was, she had explained, so he could feel assured she wouldn’t hurt him. He remembered her taking him back to her apartment and making him some food before showing him where he was supposed to go. Jane was an incredibly sweet person and was able to make people just open up to her. She did a lot of espionage missions and did a lot of work with stealth.

Tabby opened up the door and nodded.

“Do you think you can buy my two frames? About an 8 x 9? And at least two knives for me to defend myself when I absolutely have to go alone? And some bedding too?”, she added quickly, “if you don’t want too that’s fine! I can wait until I get my own money! I don’t need anything fancy! Just something sturdy and simple. And something warm. I don’t want to be a burden on you. I can take care of myself! I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take advantage of you! I’m actually really grateful!”, she babbled on as she fidgeted with the bottom of her shirt and looked down prepared for the harsh comeback.

“It’s okay! I can get that for you. Any specific colors you want for the bedding and the frames or should I just get stuff that matches the room?”, Toby asked.

He had no problem providing her with stuff. She was a guest in his home and he would be a bad host if he didn’t help her out. Plus she was in a new world with new rules that probably seemed a bit hellish. If he could help in any way he would be happy to.

“Oh, and I’m grilling some chicken and making some salad for dinner. Is that okay or do you want me to bring you back something?”, he asked.

“Teal…I like the color teal…it’s my favorite… as for the frames just simple black ones will do. No need to be fancy.”, she added quietly.

She listened to him when he said what he was making for dinner, “That’s fine I’m not a picky eater. but I have to watch you make it because I don’t trust anyone to make my food unless I’m watching or if I’m making it myself. It could be poisoned. No offense to you".

It was common knowledge at Rosewood that you don’t eat the school food as everyone’s caught Horatio poisoning the food more times than not. So everyone brought their own lunch and the kitchen shut down.

“Okay, that’s fine with me.”, Toby assured her, “You can even help me cook it if you want.”.

He understood. When he first got to the Pocket he was given to an older proxy to be trained to who called himself Demitrius. Toby had been training with a girl named Farrah. Demitrius despised them. He was so awful to them, which they both had to take as they were new. Then they had both started getting sicker and sicker. Farrah had found out that they were slowly being poisoned so they were both moved to different mentors. He didn’t feel like explaining that however.

“I’ll make sure I’ll get you what you need, okay?”, said Toby.

She nodded as she sounded relieved, "Okay. I’m pretty good in the kitchen myself”.

As she’s always had to cook dinner for the 5 of them, the people she lived with. On top of her working at the This or That restaurant.

“Okay thank you”, she ventured out to the living room as she sat down on the edge of the couch since he mentioned that a girl named Jane was coming over soon.

“Okay, I’ll see you.”, Toby said with a smile. He turned and left the apartment with a list.

Soon enough, the door slid open. The woman from earlier came into the apartment. She was tall, and wearing a very pretty painted mask and a wig. She had changed from the dress from earlier into a long sleeved t shirt and jeans.

“Hey hon! I’m Jane.”, the woman said with a kind voice.

She quickly looked up at her, “hello my name is Tabby”, she quickly looked back down again as she was fidgeting with her shirt again. She was covered in bruises and scars old and new. And her bandaged left hand was obvious.

She stood up trying to be a good hostess, “would you like anything to drink? I’m sure we only have water here for now”.

Jane smiled and shook her head.

“No thank you, I’m good.”, she said.

Jane noted her bruises, scars, and her hand. She gave her a smile.

“I was asked to come here to discuss the type of mask you would like.”, she said tentatively.

“Hmm…I don’t want anything too fancy as I don’t want to drag attention to myself more than I already will since I’m fresh meat…and something of a teal color”, she was thinking as she made room for Jane to sit if she wanted to.

Jane sat next to her with a smile, “Hm, teal, that would look nice. You won’t be fresh meat for long, but I understand wanting a plain mask. Maybe a golden design over the teal? That could look very pretty.”

Tabby nodded excitedly, “yeah! Like golden spirals in different directions”

Jane nodded, “That could be pretty.”, she sketched out a tentative design and showed it to her.

“Yeah…”, she just stared for a couple of minutes as she was having a flashback to when Autumn was alive. She was the artistic one in the group. And was also her best friend/big sister. She was always showing Tabby her sketches.

She shook her head to clear away the memories.

“Like that”, she confirmed.

“Okay! Anything else? Would you like me to paint the lips, add any engravings, stuff like that?”, Jane asked.

She remembered one older proxy, about 40, who had lost his entire group in one mission. He had come to her and had her engrave their names on one side of his mask.

She hesitated for a minute, “could you engrave 14 names in the inside of the mask? And paint the lips black please?”.

“Okay, lips black. Can you write out the names please?”, Jane asked, handing her the sketchbook and a pencil. She would be more than happy to.

Tabby took her sketch book and wrote down the names ‘autumn, ora, Emma, heath, Gavin, Donny, Rebecca, Mitchell, Morgan, jewel, Julie, Caleb, Riley, Emmy, and Daniel’. She handed back the sketch book.

“Okay. I’ll carve them on the inside of the mask.”, She said.

She figured those names carried sentimental value to Tabby.

Tabby looked up, “thank you”, and she looked down.

Jane nodded, “I’ll have it done by either tomorrow or the next day, okay?”.

Tabby nodded, “yes that’s fine. Take all the time you need. I don’t plan on going out anytime soon”.

“Of course. I’ll get it ready.”.

“Okay then”, Tabby wasn’t really good at holding up conversations as she never really got too much socializing. Especially if it’s a stranger.

Jane smiled.

“Would you like me to leave, or would you feel more comfortable with someone else in the apartment?”, Jane asked with a smile.

“Oh you can stay if you want if you’re not busy”, she won’t admit it but she didn’t want to be alone in this strange new world just yet.

"I’m not all that busy. If I could bring some of my mask making stuff over here that would be great.“, Jane said. She understood

"Yeah that’s fine. I’m sure Toby won’t mind as long as there’s no mess afterwards”.

"Oh I won’t make a mess.“, Jane said peacefully. She said she would be very fast.

”Unbelievable“, she said in thought, ”I’m talking to a killer…I’m having an ally ship with two of them so far“, she shook her head, "my life really did take a drastic change”

Jane went to her apartment and soon came back with all her supplies. She could get three of her orders done if she worked fast. Jane began to chat with Tabby as she set up.

“So Tabby, you’re very new, hm?”.

“Yeah my life turned into this in one night. I was honestly not expecting this to happen. Originally I was running away”, admitted Tabby.

Jane nodded. She understood. She began making the mold for one of the masks.

“I understand. But this will be a pleasant change, you’ll see.”, Jane promised, “Revenge and whatnot is quite exhilarating”.

She shook her head slowly, "I hope so. I’m just doing it because I know I can’t die and go with my friends without avenging them while he is still out on the streets and in school. Someone else will suffer at his hands and I’ll be damned if someone else has to suffer by the hands of him like I did”, she said quietly.

“I think I know who you’re talking about.”, Jane said, “And…if it’s any consolation at all, ghosts do exist and several of them have contact with other dead folks. There may be a way to talk to your friends, albeit temporarily.”, She set the mask cast to dry and made another one.

“There’s only one I would like to talk to one last time. I owe her everything after all she did for me”, she said quietly. She then changed the subject.

“Toby said that you also went to Rosewood Prep”.

“He’s right. I used to. I still have human contacts in there.”, Jane said. She set a fan on the first mask as she finished the second one.

“So how long ago was that? What was it like? Was it still the same students who were just as corrupt as the teachers? Was it like the hunger games where you had to be on guard and fight every day to survive only with more rules and regulations? What horror stories do you have of that place?”, she asked excitedly. She never met anyone who lived long enough to get out of Rosewood. Normally the people who do got the fuck out the first chance they got and were never really heard from ever again.

“I was there two years ago, actually. I’m still pretty new here myself. I…I have a lot of stories.”, Jane said.

She shifted anxiously, “I once got caught stealing food from the kitchen, and they locked me in the sports shed for almost a week. They poured water on the ground for me every day and I had to lick it up from the ground. Teachers would have favorite kids and that would keep them out of trouble. Rich kids were treated much better. Anyone who made lower than a C on anything was punished. Sometimes they would lock kids who were hallucinating in the upstairs bathroom and just leave them there. I have so many.”

“Horatio Galloway” Tabby’s face paled and her eyes were wide in fear, “most of my horror stories had to do with him” “rarely did I ever get into trouble with the teachers. I was always a straight A student. It’s only when I got into trouble for skipping classes because of Horatio”.

“I think I remember him.”, Jane said, “I didn’t get in as much trouble with him ever. I did okay in my schooling but I was rebellious.”. Jane set the second mask to the side, and started on another.

“It was probably a good thing that you’ve gotten punished for stealing the food. It was probably poisoned by him. I’d rather be locked in the sports shed than have a slow death”, pointed out Tabby.

“It was before the food was prepared. I wasn’t stupid. I took fruits and veggies and unopened pre packaged things. They were denying a friend of mine food. I got caught after she got to eat.”, Jane spoke with some pride.

“Good for you”, Tabby said proudly.

Tabby then looked down and her voice quivered, “then you must be aware of the Rosewood massacre that happened a month back”, She rubbed her left hand.

Jane’s eyes darkened, “I heard rumors about the massacre but don’t know the details. Several of my friends are still there…”.

“I can tell you the real full story. The massacre as they called it really did happen. I saw it with my own eyes but being the person that Horatio is he made damn sure that I couldn’t do a damn thing about it”, she gave a bitter laugh, ”always had it out for me since day 1".

Jane looked sadly at her.

“I’m so sorry you had to be there.”, Jane said softly she began to paint the first mask, a pretty lavender mask, “Talk about it only if you would like to.”

She sighed and thought about it for a while. She’s never talked to anyone about this.

“It…was homecoming…you know at Rosewood how each homecoming is a different theme every year. This year was carnival themed. Which I don’t like as it is because I have a severe distrust of clowns. Too many horror movies growing up you know? Anyways my mom decided to let me go to the event and she and my grandmother came with me. That was the catch. Horacio was standing at the entrance dressed as the ringleader handing out pink candies that were laced with LSD to everyone. You should know at Rosewood it is common knowledge that you do not take anything that Horacio gives you. Whatever it may be. I didn’t take the candy because I knew better. I tried warning my mom and grandmother about it but they wouldn’t listen. I was too smart for his bullshit but not smart enough. I couldn’t find my friend group anywhere. But I knew that they were here so I didn’t worry about it too much and I’ll find them later. So I got to the seats and watched the show which was quite boring since I wasn’t hallucinating from the candy. But the last act though. It was outside. I saw all my friends lined up on the rooftop of the school and it’s a fucking tall building. while everyone was thinking that they were doing some acrobatic tricks i watched them jump to their deaths one by one….i was screaming and crying begging someone to help but all ignored me and i couldn’t shout because they were too far up hear me and I couldn’t break into the school either. i couldn’t do anything. later on the LSD wore off and they were mortified to find the 14 dead bodies. all confused on how it happened. So they deemed it the Rosewood Massacre. After the show was over I confronted Horacio about what he did. I attacked him to strangle him. My goal was to kill him. but the problem was that we’re too evenly matched with each other. in strength and intelligence so it turned out to be a fist fight. we did a good amount of damage to each other. until he caught one of my punches and shoved my fist through a closed window shattering the window and every bone in my hand. i had to get the glass surgically removed as it was deep in the tissue so i can’t feel a thing in my hand anymore and they had to set my hand for the broken bones to heal. But since doctors refused to do their jobs correctly they set it wrong so it healed wrong and now my hand is paralyzed. he took everything away from me! My family! My home! My motivation to live then! and my hand!”, she was more hurt than angry.

Tabby quickly looked away to recompose herself, “I’m sorry for the sudden outburst. I never talked about that day since to anyone before”.

“I understand.” ,Jane said softly. She had been letting the lavender mask dry so she could paint flowers on it and had been working on the second one, listening to the subject.

“I’m so sorry.”, Jane said softly, “I understand what it’s like to lose everyone. A lot of the teachers at that school were just plain cruel, and I still don’t know how and why the human government hasn’t shut down that institution or why parents won’t stop sending their children there. No one deserves to lose people the way you did."

"That’s because the shit they do there is unbelievable. No one would believe them if others heard their stories. I don’t know about your parents but mine didn’t believe me either and neither did my therapists”, explained Tabby.

The second mask was a half white and half black one.

“We can get you an appointment with the Puppeteer perhaps. He can just drain your sadness away.” The Puppeteer was highly sought after for his empath abilities. It comes back after a while unless he numbs your memory, but it’s nice to feel peace just for a little while.“

She shook her no.

"No thank you. I don’t like my mind being tampered with. I’ve been through 7 psychologists. I don’t need anyone else. My sadness, anger and grief is my motivation to put Horacio Down once and for all. I can have peace of mind after that”, said Tabby.

“I understand. He doesn’t tamper with your mind though. He feeds in negative emotions so you can at least get a bit of sleep and have a moment where everything feels okay. And you’re right. My parents didn’t believe me either. All my letters were monitored as I lived in the boarding section.”, Jane said, “My parents didn’t believe in therapy, so.”

She finished up the first mask. It looked lovely and glossy.

“As much as that sounds nice. I can’t sleep even if I wanted too. I have insomnia and narcolepsy. So it’s a hit or miss”, explained Tabby. “I’ve heard horror stories about the boarding section. I guess I was considered lucky enough to be able to go back to the place where I lived”.

“Oh, he can deal with that too.”, Jane said, “He’s honestly a blessing. And yeah. The boarding rooms were awful.”, She didn’t want to go into too much detail.

"Maybe I’ll think about it" , she nodded in understanding. She learned in order to keep a friend you don’t push boundaries and you don’t ask too many questions.

“So Tabby. What do you do for fun?”, asked Jane, changing the subject.

“Fun?” she asked, confused. She had to sneak around after school or at night in order to have some fun as her step dad was a cruel and strict man.

“I normally like to read and write, have time to myself to philosophize. I liked to hang out with my friends whenever I could. Listen to music”, Tabby finally said.

"Ah, I see.” Jane said. “Those are fun hobbies. What do you like to write?” She asked. She had stenciled out a white design for the black side of the mask and mirrored that design in black for the white side. The third mask was hardening.

“I like to write fiction. Darkly realistic fiction. Sometimes free verse poetry”, Tabby said.

“Oh, that seems fun.” Jane said, continuing her work on the masks. She checked the little black clock up on the wall. “Toby will be home soon.”

“Yeah. Although I left all my written works back at Rosewood. I didn’t think to bring them back to the place where I lived. I didn’t exactly plan on running away. It was a spur of the moment type thing you know?”, she nodded, “I’m not too worried about him. He seems like he’s the type that can handle himself”

“Ah, I understand. Maybe you could get Toby to get you some notebooks or something to write in.” Jane said. “And you’re right, he most definitely can. He’s pretty strong.”

“Maybe and that’s good I guess”

Jane finished up the second mask and began working on the third. She looked like she was thinking.

“Has Toby told you the rules yet?”, Jane asked.

She shook her head no, “I know that there are rules and guidelines. I figured I would ask him later when he got back”

"Ah. Well, if you’d like, I could start filling you in.” Jane offered.

“That would help out a lot. The more I know the less of a chance I have of being killed”, said Tabby.

“Okay. I’ll tell you a few of the official rules then.” Jane said, adjusting her position and making sure her mask was secure. “First of all, there is a hierarchy here that is absolutely set in stone. Since you’re a proxy, you’re lower in the hierarchy, but you are not the lowest of the low.”

“Sounds like my position in any life in general but okay what else?” She asked.

“It’s best to try to consort with your rank and above. So for you, that would be other proxies and monsters. The higher beings are not likely to befriend you so I wouldn’t bother.” Jane explained.

“So like you and Toby for example?”, asked Tabby.

"Not me, actually. Toby flaunts a few of the rules because he’s popular. I am actually one of the lowest in the hierarchy.” Jane said with an awkward nod. “It’s not like you’d be punished for speaking with me or anything like that. People would just look down their noses a bit at you.”

“That’s nothing new to me. I can live with that. Who would be my best chance to make an ally with, the higher proxies I mean?”

“Hm. If you want high-ranking proxies that are pretty friendly, then believe it or not, Masky would be your go to guy. If he’s not trying to kill you, he’s very pleasant. Clockwork is another proxy I would chat with if I were you. She runs that little bar a couple minutes from here. Kate’s not high ranking, but she can pull you a lot of favors because she knows people. There are a few monsters who don’t care too much about the hierarchy either.”

"He was trying to earlier. If it wasn’t for Toby I would mostly likely be dead in the woods. I’m avoiding him for a while. I could give Clockwork and Kate a chance once my social anxiety dies down and when I get the courage to go out on my own willingly. Anything else that I need to know?”

Jane nodded. “Yes. Relationships with humans that aren’t mission-related or cleared by your boss as allies is VERY against the rules. It will get you put down to my level.”

Tabby nodded slowly “well I’m too fucked up for a relationship. I’m sure no one would want me anyways…The man I loved is dead now. No one will replace him. So I can have allies but it has to be cleared by the boss first?”

“Yes. By allies I mean humans who are aware of our world and have chosen to side with us.” She was painting what looked like a galaxy on the third mask. And I would be careful. You may find someone and it may shock you. I didn’t expect-“ Jane stopped then continued painting in silence.

"You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I’m not the one to push boundaries. And that makes sense. What else do I need to know?”, asked Tabby.

"Treat all gifts with suspicion. Even if they’re from people you know. There are a lot of backstabbers here.”

“I’m highly intuitive and I have serious trust issues. I don’t trust anybody or anything. Unless I see them making it or doing something with my own eyes. I’ve already came up with the conclusion that this is no different from Rosewood. Except the stakes are higher and I have more freedom for the most part. If we survived Rosewood for that long we can survive here”. What else?“

"You’ll find that this may be a bit tougher than Rosewood, mainly due to the missions. This is a very high stakes job. Many proxies die young. But it is also so rewarding too, really. Cause once you root yourself here, you’ve got some people that have your back.”

"Well then I guess I’ll have to do my best not to die. I’ll try to keep myself alive for as long as possible. Is there anyone I I shook steer clear away from? Like a red flag warning?”

“Jeff.” Jane said firmly. “Ignore him. Don’t do favors for him and don’t let him do favors for you. Ever.” Her hands remained steady even if she was freaking out.

“Is Jeff to you like Horacio was for me?” She asked quietly. “I’m good at ignoring people. I ignore people like they are the plague. I’m antisocial af”

“Well, he set me on fire and murdered my family in front of me, so yeah, I’d say so.” Jane said. She said it in a way to make it seem like it didn’t hurt her but it was easy to tell that it did.

“Horatio can’t get me here…can he?” Her voice quivered and her eyes were wide with fear.

“Horatio is just a measly little human.” Jane said. “After you’re trained and fully transformed, he won’t really be able to harm you on his own. You could absolutely humiliate him.

"But he’s always been 10 steps ahead of me…I couldn’t even get close enough to kill him and believe me I’ve tried countless times…what if he’s still 10 steps ahead of me after I transformed? All my efforts would be in vain”

“He won’t be. Like I said. He’s just a stupid human. You will be able to get rid of him with no sweat.”

She sighed the problem with Horatio was that she and him were too evenly matched. In intelligence and strength. She just uses her intelligence differently than he did.

“I’m sorry for what you went through…including the stuff with Rosewood. I really am. What else do I need to know?”, asked Tabby, changing the subject.

“It’s fine. I’m coping okay. You should probably know that the ghost community is a great community to be friends with.“ Jane admitted. "They’re everywhere and they can get into places for you.”

She nodded “I’ll try talking to them at some point”

"I can easily introduce you to almost anyone you’ll need to know. When you finish training, you’ll be put into a group.”

“What do you mean?”

“Proxies work in groups. Usually. You’ll be given missions to do either solo, with some members of your group, or your whole group. They will be the people you can trust most.”

She nodded in understanding “Toby said something earlier about disgraced proxies. What are those?”

"People like me. Other people call us honorary humans, or just disgraces. They are proxies or monsters who have broken some of the cardinal rules and were caught and punished for them.”

She nodded in understanding, taking in the information “is there anything else I should know?”

. “Not really much that I can think of right now.”

“Okay thank you for taking the time and effort to explain things to me. I’ll take your advice. I’ll ask Toby if there’s anything else I should know when he gets here and see what advice he has. I’d like to hear what he has to say”

"You should. I’m just telling you things I know from experience.“ Jane said. She heard footsteps outside the room.

Tabby froze as her ears picked up on the noise. She got defensive ready to attack or bolt. Toby, carrying everything he had bought at the grocery store in his arms and a basket. Jane got up to help him unload it all. Tabby sighed in relief and she got up to help too. Her mom made her carry 4-5 heavy bags in each hand every time they went grocery shopping. She may be small but she definitely has some lean muscle to her. She’s still useful despite her left hand. Toby thanked both of them. He set down the bags of food on the counter and handed the things that Tabby had specifically requested to her. Jane had gone to start packing up her stuff after putting some things away. She knew that she probably needed to go now. Tabby went to her room to put down the bags. She’ll take them out later once everything settles down. She went back out to help.

Jane pack up.

Jane pretty much had everything packed up and ready to go.

"I’ll swing by tomorrow with your mask.” She assured Tabby

“Okay. It was nice meeting you and having you here. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with Rosewood”

“You’re definitely not alone. If you need someone to talk with who’s not, well, a man-” Jane smiled a bit. “Then just give me a call or drop by. I literally live next door.”

She laughed. She gave herself a weird look. It was a sound that she hadn’t heard in a long time. She only reserved it for Adam or her friends. “Well that’s convenient then!”

Jane nodded and smiled. It was nice to hear her laugh. Toby’s voice came from the kitchen.

“Thanks for coming, Jane!” Jane smiled at Tabby and waved goodbye

Tabby gave a small wave goodbye. Jane left the apartment. Toby poked his head in and let Tabby know he was going to start cooking now if she felt she needed to make sure her food was safe. Tabby nodded and she went in to help cook the food while keeping a close eye on Toby to make sure he didn’t try anything with the food. Despite her hand she was actually very handy with a knife (cooking wise and also fighting wise). She was very fast and efficient in the kitchen. She was using her wrist to hold some of the vegetables in place as she cut them. On top of always cooking dinner at home for 5 people she also worked in a kitchen at a small restaurant afterschool. It got her out of the house for a while since she never wanted to go home. She only quit last month due to her hand. Honestly she would have become a chef if she never made the choice to come here. Toby made sure she saw and knew what was going on with the chicken he was cooking. If he added a spice, he told her what it was. He admired how skilled she was with a knife even though one of her hands was essentially crippled. He could tell she had experience. That was good to know. Most of the killers couldn’t cook. Jane always ended up burning everything so he always offered her food. The neighbors next door, however, were excellent cooks but since they were literally a family unit, Toby never really spoke to them. He knew that monsters and proxies would sometimes settle down and start families but he never really met them. Most families got moved to another part of town. But she was the type of person to go through with her choice when she made one whether it was good or bad. She would see it through to the bitter end crash and burn. That was the most dangerous thing about Tabby.

She liked how Toby respected her wishes and went out of his way to tell her what the spices were. She never really had a lot of respect in her life so it was a nice change. She liked how the moved well together in the kitchen. It almost reminded her of those types of families she saw on tv that the husband and wife would help each other in the kitchen. The thought made her look down and blush a little.

Moving on. She was thinking about the irony of her situation. She hated all adults she didn’t know in general specifically males in particular. And here she was living with an adult serial killer and a Male nevertheless. The situation made her burst out laughing out of nowhere.

"Jesus…unbelievable…“, she said, wheezing for breath.

Toby glanced over at her.

"Hey, you okay?” He asked.

He had ticked a bit in the middle of the “okay” but it hadn’t really affected his speech. He figured she might have gotten herself with the knife a bit. But then why would she be laughing? Hm. The chicken was almost done. After dinner he would go out to check his mail to make absolutely sure he had no bills to pay or no missions he had neglected to see. He could hear faintly next door a baby crying. He heard footsteps, a small creaking sound, and some shushing. Soon the baby quieted. Toby smiled to himself. The people next door never let their baby cry for too long. They were very considerate neighbors.

She calmed down a little bit, wiping her tears away from laughing as she was still giggling.

“I’m fine. I’m not hurt. Even if I did get myself with the knife I wouldn’t feel it because I used to work in a kitchen so my hands are pretty calloused”.

She showed him her left arm that had a crescent shaped burn mark on her bicep.

“That’s from work. I didn’t realize it until two hours later when my arm was feeling irritated. So I looked down and saw a burn mark about 2 inches and a half in diameter. It eventually died down and became this. I was laughing because I realized the irony of my situation. You see I never really trusted adults in general. They don’t do their jobs protecting their own kids. But if you’re male you have a higher chance of me not trusting you. And here I am living with a technical adult male serial killer! I don’t think you understand. I went against everything I knew and believed in one night. I took a leap of faith and I don’t do that for just anyone so you better feel special”, Tabby explained.

She smiled and shook her head, "my life really did take a drastic turn of events”.

Toby nodded. He understood. He offered her a small smile.

“Well, I’m glad you did decide to take a leap of faith.” He said earnestly.

He plated up the chicken, then asked if she needed help with finishing up the salads. He heard faint music from Jane’s apartment. The baby next door didn’t start crying again. It was, for once, pretty peaceful. It was impossible to hear outside while the windows were closed, but if they were open it would be highly probable they would hear screaming.

She shook her head no, “the salad will be done in a few minutes. I just needed to put the vegetables in and toss it” she did that and tossed it using a chef’s flip without utensils mixing it good. The salad is done”.

She plated the salad on both of their plates. She sat down and waited for him to sit to begin eating. Toby sat across from her with his plate. He was starving. He had gotten himself a knife and fork, and had gotten some for Tabby as well. He asked her if she wanted anything to drink. He had water, soda, and juice. No milk. He was lactose intolerant.

“I would like some water please”

Her expression changed to a more serious one as she was going to get down to serious business.

“So Jane told me the basics of the rules. Like how there is a hierarchy. We’re proxies so we’re low but not the lowest of the low. How ally ships between us and humans and humans not from here are strictly prohibited. It’s best to have a few higher up proxies as allies. And that I should stay away from Jeff” “but I want to hear what you have to say. Like anything else I should really know? Anyone I should stay clear away from?”

Toby went up to get them both some water.

“She’s right. She covered almost everything. Especially about Jeff, though if you get on his good side he can teach you some pretty cool stuff. I think it’s important to know higher being politics as well. Proxies have a specific boss. Monsters can serve whoever they want and do jobs for whoever. But it’s important to know which higher being hates who, because sometimes they will act out against the proxies that serve that higher being.”

She nodded slowly in understanding “I’m fairly observant so I’m sure I’ll pick up a few things on higher being politics here”.

“Is there anyone who you think I should stay away from personally?” She said in between bites. She was scarfing down her food like she wouldn’t see food again. She didn’t eat much in general for the last 8 years due to Rosewood. You had to bring your own lunch and her family was too poor to buy extra food. So she ate dinner at home and that was the only meal she would eat. They barely had enough food for the month while struggling for rent. Although when she was very young she could eat like a champ. For the last 3 months when her step dad came up with the cruel and unusual punishment for her to eat nothing but rice. But she got sick of it and she either stole a little bit of food from the stores when her mom used to send her out or Autumn was very generous and brought her some food for her own house.

"I’m also not too fond of Jeff. But I also wouldn’t trust LJ either. But he’s friends with BEN and The Puppeteer so you can’t really avoid him.“ The ghost community was super tight.

"Is there enough for seconds?”, she asked.

"Yeah. There’s enough for seconds if you’d like.“

"I don’t trust clowns either. I watched too many horror movies as a child you know? But I’ll be wary and cautious like I usually am with everyone and everything else” she got up for seconds and scarfed down her second and third plate. It wasn’t until her fourth plate when she stopped.

By then the entire thing of food Toby had cooked was gone. He didn’t mind one bit however. He got up to do the dishes.

“Yeah, don’t trust clowns. They aren’t…they aren’t all that great. Especially here.”

“They’re never in general”. She went to help with the dishes while drying them.

“Thank you” she said quietly after a period of silence.

“No problem.” Toby said with a smile. He helped put the dishes away after they were finished. He heard a meow and saw Nugget plodding towards them.

Tabby’s face lit up as she started cooing at the cat and kneeled down to pet Nugget. She sucked in a breath at the pain of her bruises. She started petting the cat affectionately.

Nugget purred and pressed her body up against Tabby, her tail indicating that she was pleased with this. Toby smiled.

“I think there’s a scrap of chicken on the table. Hold on.”

“I mean if you give it food you have a higher chance of befriending the animal. It works with me”

Toby laughed and picked up some scraps of chicken from the counter. He offered them to Tabby so she could feed the cat. Tabby took some. She ate a piece herself and feed the rest of the scraps to Nugget one by one. Nugget seemed to enjoy the chicken. Her purring was very loud as she ate it. Toby watched from afar with a smile.

"Is there a library around here?”

“Yeah, there is. I could take you there.” Toby offered.

“Good. If you’re not busy tomorrow that is. I would much rather have someone to come with me to show me around and I’m not taking the chance of dying on my first day out since I’m fresh meat as it is so curious about the new girl that it is inevitable to say the least. Two is better than one. "I would also like to get books on this place and plants and stuff so I can have a lesser chance of dying and not being afraid. A wise man once told me that you can’t be afraid of something that you understand. Like being afraid of the dark for example” she babbled.

“Sure thing.” Toby said, “I don’t have any missions tomorrow and your training schedule hasn’t been sent yet. Books will be good and all but talking to other people about stuff here will make it much easier to learn. Like, you can read all you’d like about the poison daisy, but field experience with someone who knows much more about it will be helpful. Also, we still have to teach you how to fight properly and other things that will make you more successful. It will come much easier to you once you fully transform though.”

"Okay. And I know that there’s only something you can learn from experience. I just want to learn all I can from books first. The rest I’ll ask around and experience for myself and what do you mean “properly”? Are you saying I can’t fight. I may be crippled but that doesn’t mean I can’t kick some ass one handedly! I’ll have you know I’ve gotten into a lot of fights and I’ve won the majority of them. Well despite getting my ass kicked many times before…“

"I understand.” Toby said to her first comment. He wanted her to learn as much as she could from books first too, it would keep her from being gullible and from getting hurt badly.

“I’m not saying you can��t fight, I’m saying that you’re living with people who fight and hurt for a living. You’ve won fights, sure, but that’s against humans.” Toby finished cleaning up the rest of the kitchen. “It isn’t a smart idea to overestimate your own abilities here. Really. The people here are stronger than humans, are faster than humans, can take more damage than humans, some have literal magic powers, or extra limbs, or whatever. ”

She sighed in defeat.

“That’s true. This isn’t Rosewood. I’m not up against people my own age who are equal in intelligence and strength and skills. This isn’t my territory. But I’ll adapt and overcome like everything else in my life so far. I’m a quick learner. Just one day at a time that’s all”, said Tabby tiredly.

“I know. That will help you live.” Toby said. He sighed, then smiled.

"Don’t worry. We can train you. We can also get the WPA to train you so you’re specialized if you want.“ Toby said.

"What’s WPA?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.

"The Women’s Proxy Association.“ Toby said. "They’re a group of specialized fighters that ensure the training of female proxies. They’re bad asses. They’re kind of like Amazons, if you want the human equivalent.”

"Oh…that sounds like something I’d be interested in…” she was still tilting her head but smiled up at him.

“Oh and another thing. If we’re going to be living together for a while we need to establish ground rules. I only have two. One, please don’t lie to me. I give you the common courtesy to give honest information. I would also like to be hurt with the truth instead of living a lie. If we’re going to be working together in some way we’re going to need some form of honest communication. Two, please don’t fight my battles for me. I don’t like other people suffering from my own stupidity and I know in this society that’s just the way shit goes around here but I’ll do my best to minimize that when someone’s with me. I can and will take care of myself. If someone has a problem with me it’s with me alone and nobody else okay? Does that sound reasonable to you?”.

Toby nodded. “Yeah. That sounds good. I don’t really have any ground rules for myself at the moment, but I’ll let you know.

He was pretty honest for a proxy, and while he wasn’t the type to let people he cared for get beat up, he understood how she would want to stand up for herself. It was good she had that drive to stick up for herself. Proxies who didn’t have that usually ended up dead.

"So what do you want to do now?”, Tabby asked.

"Well, seeing is it’s kinda late, we should probably get some sleep.“ Toby said. "Well, you should. I have another small mission tonight but it shouldn’t take too long.”

"Ah well you see I have insomnia…and narcolepsy so I don’t ever get enough sleep. This is a week and a half of no sleep. But I’ll be here when you get back. Try not to die okay?“ She gave him a small smile. Which was code for 'be careful I care somewhat’.

"I won’t, it’s a fairly riskless mission.” Toby assured her. It really wasn’t too bad of a mission. “It’s just a delivery.” Toby got up to leave. “There’s sleeping pills in the hall closet if you’d like. They’ve got the power of like, horse tranquilizers.”

“Alright I’ll think about it and I’ll see you later”

“Alright, I’ll see you.” Toby soon left.

Tabby went to her room to unpack the bags that Toby had bought her. She took out the frames and gently slid both pictures into their frames and set them on her night stand. She took out the two knives and positioned them like she was about to get into a fight. They were good for defense. Tabby took out the bedding; it was a soft patchwork blanket with a teal color scheme and pillows to match. She positioned them just how she liked them. She decided to not hang up Autumn’s artwork so she put them in her nightstand and deemed that it would be private and personal.

Toby slipped through the shadows, the package in hand. He realized the quickest route would be through monster’s only territory, but as long as he wasn’t caught he would be fine. He darted through the trees, paying close attention to any noise he would hear. He eventually managed to pass through it unharmed, which made the bulk of his journey a lot easier.

She stepped back until she was near the door to take a look at her room. It was simple and basic but you could tell that it was her room. Then she came across the dawning realization “like it or not this is home now”. Home. That was a place she hasn’t had in a long time. Sure she lived with her mother and two brothers and her step dad. But it wasn’t considered home or a family. Tabby knew that a home is where you feel safe and you belong and a family accepts you for you broken or not. Tabby shook her head.

“This isn’t home. I mean I’m living in this world now so I guess this world is my home now but this place isn’t. It’s not my territory and I barely even know him” she talked out loud to herself.

Toby walked down streets that were covered in multicolor slick, which was essentially the water in this dimension. He carried the package in his gloved hands. Even through his mask, he could smell something cooking. He knocked on a heavy dark door. It swung open almost immediately. He gritted his teeth as cigarette smoke permeated the air. It reeked. The man standing before him was tall, and horrendously burned. The tales told about him said that his skin had been bleached, and that was partially the case. However most of his skin was mottled and scarred with varying shades of red. His face was barely distinguishable as a face. The eyes were sunken and shriveled. The nose was covered in scars. His mouth was clumsily cut into a wide, oozing grin. The man seemed to sniff the air. He clicked his tongue.

“Ah. Twinkle Toes. Nice to…hehe… see you."

"Hey Jeff.” Toby said uncomfortably. “Is Barb here? She told me to bring her this.” He held up the small package. Jeff clicked his tongue again. He felt the package with his marred hand while seeming to stare directly at Toby.

“Yeah, Barb’s here. You can come in.”

Her eyes widened in paranoia as that was kicking in now ”how much did I tell him really? He isn’t stupid so I’m sure he picked up on more than what I told him…wait let’s see…I told him about my insomnia, narcolepsy, anxiety and OCD, I told him about Rosewood, I told him about Horacio, he already figured out I came from an abusive home…“, she counted on her fingers. Several things. Not bad. Nothing too personal, just observations and bare basic surface. She sighed in relief. But her paranoia was still there ”why did he spare my life? Me out of everyone else that could have stumbled across tonight? On top of that, why is he so nice? I mean I appreciate it but No one is this nice for free. Accept for Autumn but we were kids then and we didn’t really know anything. What if he’s trying to gain my trust just to catch me off guard to kill me later? Especially in my sleep…what if he has other motives? I can’t trust him nor am I going too. I’ll work well with him and I’ll be nice and kind back because it’s right. But trust seems to be a long shot…“, she rubbed the bridge of her nose like she had a headache. She hated when her paranoia showed up. "Goddamn Rosewood” she muttered to herself. She got out of her room to pace around the apartment to think out loud.

“However he did save my life…if it wasn’t for him I would have probably gotten my death wish early…and he did take me in for now…so like with Autumn I kinda owe him everything"

She shook her head "I am thankful for all he’s done for me so far…but I can not and will not care too much. It’s like Jane said a proxies life isn’t that long on average….I don’t want to hurt him and have his efforts of keeping me alive to be in vain…that’s not fair to him. I’ll have allies but no friends. All my friends are dead and they can not and will not be replaced. Moving on means forgetting and I promised myself that I wouldn’t forget them” but she knew that deep down inside that wasn’t the real reason.

“I can’t have what happened at Rosewood happen to anyone else that I’ve become allies with…I don’t want to get attached and go through that heartache again…while I’m still going through it…” she admitted quietly to herself.

Toby didn’t have much of a choice as Jeff pulled him into the building. The cigarette smoke only got stronger. But thankfully, he heard Barb’s laugh from the upstairs, so he made his way up the creaky staircase. That’s where he found her. Barb was around eight feet tall, and had four muscular arms. She had a sharp jaw and broad shoulders as well as long dark blue hair. She had fur the same shade as her hair coating her arms and legs. She had a tattoo gun, and was tattooing another monster. It was a pretty large and complex tattoo, but Barb had a lot of the skill to make it look nice. She turned when she heard Toby.

“Hey Tobes!” She said in her loud, booming voice. She extended a hand that wasn’t being used. “You brought the pills?”

“Yeah, EJ gave them to me earlier.” Toby said, passing them to her. Barb smiled, showing sharp teeth.

“Thank you!” She boomed jovially. The monster getting tattooed, a tiny wisp of a woman with eyes all over her face and arms had all her eyes trained on Toby. It made him very uncomfortable.

“Well, I should probably go-” Toby said.

She looked around and it was too quiet to her liking.

“On second thought those sleeping pills sound nice right about now” she mused to herself.

She went to the closet and grabbed the bottle and read it carefully to make sure they were sleeping pills. She opened up the bottle and only took one since Toby said that they have the power of a horse tranquilizer and she’s…well…small. She popped the pill dry and took some clean bandages that she found and a hand towel. She would clean her crippled hand and dress it in new bandages so it doesn’t get infected since the surgical incisions were still fairly new. She went to the bathroom to wash her hands with soap and water and patted her crippled hand dry and wrapped it in new bandages.

After she was done she could feel the pill kicking in. So she went back to her room. She locked her door and was debating on whether or not to move her dresser to barricade the door just in case he or someone else were to break in and attempt to kill her in her sleep. Since when she actually goes to sleep she’s a deep sleeper. But she decided against it since she was too lazy and it would be a hassle to move it out of the way if she needed to escape immediately. She took her two knives and curled up laying down on her bed with her back facing the corner. She normally didn’t sleep with covers on as they were a hassle to get off is someone were to attack her. She had her knees pulled up to her stomach for protection and her arms crossed to protect her chest and neck. She had both knives in each hand that laid against the back of her neck too for protection. No one was going to attack her easily. It was the only way she could feel safe while sleeping. And pretty soon she was out like a light.

Toby eventually got back to the apartment. Jeff had wanted to show him something, which he knew wouldn’t have ended well. He made sure to lock the apartment door behind him. It was quiet. Nugget was probably in Tabby’s room. Toby peeked in her room to check on her and saw that she was asleep. Nugget was on her bed. After making sure she was okay, he closed the door and went to go take a shower and get ready for bed. He was pretty tired. He had run into Masky on his way back who managed to get him to share a drink and talk for a bit, which Toby found nice. Masky was in a much better mood today than other days. His shower and clothes change was quick. He put his dirty clothes into the hamper. He took it down to wash his clothes twice a week. The apartment had a shared laundromat.

Tabby stirred awake as Toby closed the door

“son of a bitch” she thought to herself.

She wasn’t protected enough. But even in her sleepy state she could recognize that it’s Toby so she had nothing to worry about that much but for once in her life she was just too damn tired to do or say anything about it.

“I’ll deal with it in the morning” she grumbled to herself and went back to being dead asleep in her protective position.

Toby was in his pjs. He went to the kitchen and got a glass of ice water before heading back into his room. He closed his door behind him. He sat on his own bed and turned on a fan. He liked it cold in his room. He had a small little radio next to his bed that he used to play soothing music or sometimes just audiobooks or things like that. Soon he managed to sink off into a deep sleep.

#every rose has its thorn #erhit au #creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #original character #tabbyanderson #tabby #masky marble hornets #tim wright #hoody marble hornets #brian thomas #ticci toby #toby rogers #slenderman #jeffery woods #jeff the killer #jane arkensaw #jane the killer #rosewood prep

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paradox-psyc-hoe-sis · 4 years

Text

Remus Lupin dating a reader with ADHD would include...

Remus Lupin x reader

Word count: 1k

A/N: hey! I just want to let you guys know; all symptoms and tendencies used in these headcanons are all based on my personal experience. As a writer with adhd, I know that everyone's experiences differ. If any readers with adhd have constructive criticism, I'd love to read it. Hopefully, I'll write more fics with a neurodivergent reader soon! - Honey

• Remus had been there for you through your worst struggles and best highs.

• He was well educated in things to do with mental health, and it was clear to him that you had adhd. Although, that doesn't mean he wasn't supportive when you told him.

• When you sat down to tell him about it, he saw how nervous you were - he made a last-minute decision to tell you about his furry little secret afterwards.

• When he went home for the summer that year, he bought a few books to educate himself on the matter.

• Caring for a loved one with ADHD, ADHD; Symptoms and causes, What is ADHD?, etc.

• He just wanted to make sure you never felt like he did with his condition; stupid, unworthy of love, a monster.

• Times weren't only tough for you, but certainly for Remus too. He desperately wanted to help, yet found it tricky.

• "Rem, did you borrow my copy of fantastic beasts and where to find them?"

"No, but I saw it on your desk yesterday."

"I've checked my desk, it's not there. You sure you didn't take it?"

*5 minutes later*

"Oh, right...it was on my desk all along."

• When you're both cuddling in his dorm, he'll listen to you drone on about your hyperfixation for h o u r s.

• "...and not many people know this, but it actually derived from the word raspise, which is a type of wine. It also has derivatives from the German word of latin origin, raspoie. Literally translated, parts of the word mean 'thicket', 'sweet wine', and 'rough berry'. Now, if you think that's interesting, wait until you hear about the etymology of the word blueberry. It comes from..."

• He doesn't mind your stimming at all, and actually encourages it. He likes to try and make you small stim toys!!

• Sometimes he'll walk into the common room and just seeing you flapping your hands about will make him smile.

• The constant movement doesn't bother him in the least. In fact, he sometimes likes to move about with you so you don't feel alienated.

• When you're feeling sensory overloaded or overwhelmed, he always keeps his cool and walks you through the usual procedures.

• Deep breaths, a little lay down, a glass of water, and him holding your hand as you ground yourself.

• You always remind him of how thankful you are that he supports you, although he always gets flustered when you compliment him. In reality, he'd give the world just to make sure you're okay.

• Additionally, when you're underwhelmed he's just as much of a help.

• He keeps a little shoe box under his bed filled with things to use when you feel underwhelmed and in need of something to do.

• Chocolate, small toys, a scented candle, and even a muggle mp3 player with your favourite songs that he bought one christmas.

• When you're going through small, depressive episodes, he's always making sure you're okay.

• Arranging small walks around the grounds inbetween classes to make sure you get enough fresh air + bringing you a bit too much chocolate on those days where you feel like you can't get out of bed.

• Although you're a fairly good student, you often have classes that you simply cannot crack.

• Whether you have trouble concentrating during the lessons, or you can't comprehend some of the homework, Remus will go out of his way to tutor you.

• He'll even make tiny colour coded study schedules for you 🥺

• And he knows how easy it it to lose track of your school equipment and clothes, so he makes a point of it to help you organize your trunk.

• In fact, he finds it more therapeutic than practical.

• "This section is for non-school clothing, with your spare robes to the left. Then we have personal items in this half, textbooks and quills are right next to them. Now, I took the liberty of colour coding your day-to-day items. Here's how it works;..."

• Him walking into his dorm to find you laying on his bed, at least 4 blankets piled on top of you.

• "At the time, I thought it would be a good idea to buy this many blankets."

• There were many times where you forgot about some dates because you didn't know what day it was or where you were supposed to be.

• "Y/n, did you forget about our date earlier?"

"Earlier? We agreed to go to hogsmeade on Sunday afternoon."

"..."

"Wait."

• This also happened with homework deadlines too, but Remus was prepared. He'd often leave you small post-it notes on your dresser with reminders about upcoming homework that's due in.

• The notes help...unless you *really* don't want to do the work.

• "Don't worry babe, I'll finish the essay tomorrow."

"...that's exactly what you said 5 days ago."

• He can tell when you're zoning out, but will never take it personally. He knows a little bit of daydreaming can often be exactly what you need.

• And he can also tell when you haven't been getting good sleep. He knows the signs from the terrible sleep he gets after the full moon; grogginess, irritability, headaches, aching muscles. He'll always suggest new ways for you to try and get a better sleep. (But the only thing that can truly help you sleep is being wrapped in his warm arms)

• The way you talk is completely different to the way Remus does; he talks slowly and softly, whereas you speak at the speed of lightning.

• Despite all of your flaws, Remus would never have it any other way. If anybody tries to insult you, they get the death glare!

(@lozzypoz321)

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dropsofletters · 4 years

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risk another goodbye

title: risk another goodbye pairing: chae hyungwon/reader genre: ex!au/strangers to lovers!au/app!au summary: Her phone recommends her this app to help others break up with their partner, and it sounds absolutely like the worst idea she could ever have, but it’s the most interesting one at the moment. The problem starts when she breaks up with a guy on behalf of his girlfriend only to realize that he is not bad looking and he’s pretty funny…she wonders, though, how could someone break up with Chae Hyungwon? type: angst/fluff/romance/humor word count: 16,257 disclaimer: this is part of my august special called ‘the anti-love club’. each story can be read individually, however, you’d be getting a little bit more of backstory along with some easter eggs if you read each of them, as well as helping me with support. the masterlist can be found here.

The collision of sunrays against her hair, long flowery dress and her moving lips should be bright—it should make her feel nourished, but instead, with each moment that passes with a tight smile on her face and her hands frantically moving to push her subject across, she knows no amount of sunshine could brighten the faces of the teenagers in front of her. Uninterested, they clearly are, some looking down at their hidden phones, others simply nodding at whatever she says and when she asks for answers to specific motivational questions, ones that she had learned in her few years in the field, the replies are short. This shouldn’t make her fidgety—more than usual—but to be unheard is one of the feelings that she still doesn’t get used to when she is supposed to be motivating these high school seniors to be the best version of themselves.

But who really is the best version of themselves? Not even herself, a whole motivational speaker.

Normally, she likes to believe she is a happy person. Somewhat smiley, likes getting out of the bed and meet up with someone of her preference simply to feel like she is alive, finds comfort in people and in her atmosphere—her job, in which she always has to look at the positive, not giving herself the time to think about the negatives in her life. Breathing should be enough, being healthy should be enough, but sometimes she seeks for something else. A new look, maybe, perhaps a new outlook in life, something that is not talking all the time but actually listening. Sometimes, she’d rather have the world go quiet, slower, much unlike what she seeks for in her daily life. Always fidgety, jumping at her feet, blaming herself if being too lazy and moving on to the next person to motivate. If she could do it, anyone else could.

Do what exactly? She has no idea. Perhaps, have a job that she likes, heels clicking on the flooring as she grabs a few students and makes them trust one another. Ah, that—she has friends that she can trust, and perhaps a rent that gets paid, some student loans that eventually will disappear into the thin distance if she keeps this going, working in making people better. She doesn’t have a car, but she has the will to move back from whenever she is to her home and she has warm food in her stomach most of the time. What she doesn’t have, however, is that energy that usually comes from beneath her, and while her limbs are moving the majority of the time, hating nothing more than to be still, and it is all thanks to…a break-up.

Yes, the motivational speaker, endlessly happy woman that is telling students to seek for nothing more than the brightness beneath themselves had broken up with her boyfriend of seven years not too long ago. Three weeks, four days, seven hours…probably twenty minutes.

Sometimes, she’d rather have the will inside of her to not smile, to frown and tell all these people that no one has it figured out. That no one, no enthusiastic person, can take away their opportunity of living their lives without always being optimistic—sadness shall be felt, cured, kissed until it healed, it shall be a badge to be proud of when it’s done for instead of being pushed into the back of someone’s head, but that is exactly what she does. Three weeks, four days, seven hours, twenty-one minutes, this relationship doesn’t have to matter.

At some point, the talk is over. She has given enough bullshit for these guys, with quotes from people who also didn’t have anything sorted out in their lives, for it to be over. Almost like a balloon deflating at the sound of the recess bell, she lets the breath she was holding let go on her chest, the threads and knots on her lungs suddenly popping open, hands going towards the desk of the teacher on charge at the moment—the literature teacher, to be exact, one that she knows perfectly well and that immediately rests her palm on the expanse of her back.

“I told you not to do this.”

Moving, she always is, so the position changes rapidly, fingers fidgety as she speaks. “Seola, I’m fine.” She tells her, as always making it seem like everything is sorted out. That’s what heroes do, they put on their capes and have the world relying on the fact that they’d never be weakened. The woman with the short hair and similarly short height shook her head at her antics. “It’s just the lack of response—that’s all. I spoke and spoke and spoke, no one paid attention. It’s okay, this happens—”

Seola interrupts her by pushing a water bottle towards her hands, rolling her eyes at her hyperactive friend’s antics. “You know it’s not,” Seola says, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “You don’t care if some students don’t pay attention to you. You love talking all this psychology stuff and how much optimism has changed your life.” The tone of her friend’s voice downs her into a reality that she has been trying to avoid. Three weeks, four days. Three weeks, four days. Three weeks and four days without him. Optimism has been long gone, knowing to the best of her abilities that if the person that had stayed with her for seven years was unable to make it work with her, then she could not even last in any other relationship. “Really, there’s nothing wrong in accepting you’re not seeing the bright side of things for once. Talk to me.”

It’s in the way that she speaks, Seola, that shows exactly that she has a nice group of friends, a nice life…things that she should be grateful of. Even a nice boss, for all heaven’s sake, and she still has the right to complain about some break-up. “It’s nothing.”

“Hey—”

“It’s nothing.”

Seola’s patience runs short, clear as day, when she takes her by the wrist and lowers her to look into her eyes. The monotone voice of hers speaking nicely, even through her clear distress. “Breaking up with Tsubasa is exactly what needed to happen. Your relationship was toxic since years ago, you’d take breaks and then get back together, only to break up again. You two were tied down into getting back to the same routine, that would kill any kind of relationship.” The death of hers had hit her like a ton of bricks, knowingly so, and she had been the one to break it off. In between an argument, sure, and possibly thinking of all these motivational speeches about ‘letting go of the bad to look for something better’, and she had uttered it in a yell. The words still repeat in her head: I want to break up with you and never see you again. “…I get why you’re heartbroken because you spent seven years of your life with him, but he’s…not even that much of a guy to cry about.”

Cry, oh, she doesn’t think she has even let herself do such a thing. Restrained, positive, as she should be, she simply has continued on with her life as if nothing had happened. Cleaning her apartment spotless, making sure that there will never be a sign of her relationship, of the kisses or the fights, of the happiness and the disappointment alike. “I haven’t cried about him,” She states, wanting to make clear that this is no reason for her to be sad. “Seola, I mean it, I’m just…getting used to it, that’s all. Since I don’t have that constant responsibility by my side, I’m feeling a bit empty, that’s all.”

The woman in question fixes the rounded glasses on her face. “Are you sure about that?”

She nods rapidly, but not in a rush. “Of course. Nothing that can’t be filled with a girl’s night.”

The serious Seola seems to perk up at that, probably a bit freer now that graduation was approaching for her students and grading tests has become less of her priorities. “I really need one of those, too.” She speaks softly, letting out a chuckle as she helps the woman clean up her materials before she has to leave. “Do you think you can make it tonight? Our entire group should reunite in your apartment in celebration of your break-up.”

Celebration. That’s what it should be to finally be set free of an uptight relationship with none other than the man that had probably quickened the stage of getting white hairs in her life. “…I’ve got nothing to do, of course I can make it tonight.”

“Good,” Seola says, now nearing her to speak in a whisper. “I’d kill for some beers right now. This year’s class has been a headache.”

She laughs at that, cradling her textbooks near her chest before tilting her head to the side. “In any other occasion I would have told you that you always get headaches, but this group really is difficult.”

“So, beers?”

“Yeah, I could buy a few, you can pay me back for it later.”

“Excellent.”

Hours later, the sound of two of your friends huffing on the floor, drunken beyond reparation at this point, but still working out incessantly is the least of her worries. Seola and Miwoo are the ones doing push-ups on her flooring, possibly shouting the numbers louder than they should, probably on the verge of having her neighbors call her out for the noise. Doah, however, the least drunk of her friends, is now waiting for an application to stop downloading on her phone—she asked for it and she had given her to Doah, far more preoccupied on the root beer she had grabbed on her way to buying alcohol, looking at it swirling on the bottle she has been sipping on for the past half hour, thoughts loud even when she is accompanied.

She should be happy, thankful even, that her friends have stayed with her through thick and thin. That Miwoo, even when she is a well-known personal trainer, stays with her, the same goes for Seola and Doah, but that is far from the point. The expectations of having her life be bright at all times had made her feel sulky, almost like she can’t get out from this low of her current life. Sip, sigh. Those are the two actions that she has been doing while her friends are having fun and while two of them are too far gone to even notice how heartbroken she is, Doah’s fingers are gliding through her hair, playing with the ends, wanting nothing more than for her sighs to subside or change for relaxed breathing.

She’s alive, that should be enough of an excuse to smile…and she has been alive for the past seven years.

While does it feel like a part of her left, the moment she kicked Tsubasa out of their apartment?

A hundred percent, downloading. That’s what the screen reads when she gives a glimpse towards it, suddenly aware that Doah has stopped playing with her hair and is now looking at the screen with a smile. “Ladies, I’ve found an activity for us to do that doesn’t include getting abs.” She says with glee, Seola showing her gratitude while trying to push Miwoo away from her feet, kneeling down to keep her in place while doing some exercises.

“Thank God, I was about to die.” Seola announces, pushing Miwoo off her body before rushing towards the couch. Happiness, she feels like…though in a small gleam of a shooting star, brief, when Seola’s sweaty hands place themselves on her knees, cheek resting against her thighs as she tries to look at the screen of her phone in Doah’s hands. Miwoo follows soon after, not sweating quite as much as Seola is.

“W—What—?” A hiccup, probably coming from her drunkenness and what characterizes her as her ‘too-much’ gene. “What are we going to do?”

Doah fixes her stance, her black hair tied behind her head with a bun, patting the few baby hairs on the edges to settle them. Settled, just exactly what Doah is, in love with a man that adores her equally, that doesn’t mind a few nights out with her friends, that kisses the ring on her finger whenever they are holding hands and laughs too loudly at their jokes. Maybe, Doah is one of those lucky people who just have everything in life or…she just deserved it. Soft heart, realistic nature, seriousness, all things that describe her. “So, since the youngest of our team has been going through a tough break-up and questioning everything that has to do with life.”

Okay, so perhaps she should have gone for a beer instead of simplistic root beer. “That’s not the case.”

“It is.” Miwoo points out in a slur before nodding towards Doah. “What’s the plan? Strippers?”

“No.” Doah scrunches up her nose with a laugh before showing the screen to all the three women in front of her. “Break Them Up.” She reads, her phone showcasing an application much like a dating one, instantly showing bars to complete with matters such as name, age, ubication and such. “It’s an app my husband took part of. Basically, it has the mindset of a dating app but what makes it different is that people post pictures of their special someone or pictures of them as a couple and lists the other person’s phone number and the reason as to why they want to break up with them, and it’s up to you to break them up. If you fulfill the mission, you get more points—”

“And you break someone’s heart.” Seola says. “That’s just…mean.”

“It’s life.” Doah finishes, shrugging her shoulders. “Besides, it’d teach her that all people can go through a break-up, and some of them can be even messier than hers.”

Miwoo, preoccupied even when she is drunk, takes a seat on the couch with a huff before looking at her. She hates this, being pitied, as if a part of her had died and they are looking for a way to tell her that she is just a mere ghost now. “Do you want to try it?”

Snatching her phone away from Doah’s grasp, she clicks her tongue. “Who do you think you’re talking to? I take risks in life, of course I’m doing this.”

The cheers that follow soon after are enough to lift her up, tapping her name down along with some necessary information and a few pictures of her. Actually, it’s clear as day that this application was inspired on a dating site.

But the weight is not lifted off her shoulders when she gets her first mission, a couple that has been together for a month and the guy wants to simply tell the girl that it was only meant to be a hook-up. After all, the talk that suffices after texting the girl in question is all about how ‘men will never understand how difficult it is to fall in love with them’ and she agrees. It basically takes a snap of Doah’s fingers and a glide on her next mission for her to coming back to life, to feel like there is purpose here—not breaking up people for the mere satisfaction of doing so, but because she needs to. Toxicity shall come to an end, just like how this mindset of always being in a relationship should have its conclusion in society for one and all. The only thing she needs is remind herself that she is not anyone’s half, not Tsubasa’s, not anyone else’s. She could have anyone she wanted if she put her mind into it, as a complete woman.

It takes a few swipes and some break-ups later for her to feel more at ease and finally come to the latest of the night, at two in the morning at that. The name reads Hyunae and Hyungwon, showing a picture of what seems to be two lanky and tall individuals, though the guy immediately captures her attention. Standing right in front of a café, the two are seen holding each other on their arms, but his thick lips are drawn into a small smile, his eyes turned into upside down C’s out of pure happiness. His face structure and long black hair is already enough to have her smiling, figuring out why in the hell he would want to break up with his equally as gorgeous girlfriend. As it turns out, it is not Hyungwon that wants to break up with Hyunae but the other way around…

“Who would even want to break up with this guy?” She speaks over a whisper, Seola fast asleep in her room, only Miwoo and Doah staying with her in the room. Miwoo is having a glass of water, meanwhile Doah leans forward to capture the picture on the screen, smiling at the couple in it. “He’s mad cute.”

“What’s the reason she wants to break up with him?”

“He’s boring, apparently.”

“Oh my God, of course he’d be boring.” Miwoo breathes out into the thin air, the stench of beer clinging into it. “…So? Text him.”

“…Should I?”

“You’ve texted others. Why can’t you do it now?”

Well, it’s quite a different reason—while most of her life she had been in love with one man, absolutely attracted to the overconfident businessman part of a company she had always wanted to be part of, Tsubasa, this is different. There is that flutter of interest deep in her gut, a flicker of her eyelashes that says she is just absolutely interested in whatever this Hyungwon guy has to offer. Boringness could not be an issue when there is a face like that in the game, and it may be a bad feeling to have…but if breaking him up with his girlfriend doesn’t bring her a bit of hope, she’d be lying.

“That’s right, I can do it.” Convincing herself, her fingers hover over the number and she copies it, placing it down on a text and starting with a simplistic tone. “Hey! I saw your girlfriend posted you on Break Them Up, an application for…well, having people break up with your significant other. I hope you don’t mind me texting you, but Hyunae says she is bored of your relationship with her and wants to break up. Here’s a screenshot, in case you think I’m joking.” Though, guilt settles at the pit of her stomach. If Tsubasa had done something like that, she’d feel betrayed, disgusted, exposed in the worst of ways. This may be the peeking point of her bad ideas—

Sent. Read. Typing.

Hiding her face in her friend’s shoulders, the three dots mock her endlessly. Firstly, all she receives is a short ‘okay’ that does nothing to help the guilt that lingers on her brain. Instead, she watches as he continues to play with his typing tool, because the three dots appear again and again, disappear and appear in what could translate into shock—heartbreak, too.

“…I can’t believe she’d out our relationship like that.”

Pushing her hair away from her face, the beer buzzing up in her body and blurring a bit of her sight when she tries to tie the threads of this conversation. “If it works for you, I’ve also gone through a break-up.”

Little to no silence, he continues, her friends long forgotten in the background, perhaps looking over her shoulder. “Ah, I see.”

“It’ll get better for both of us.” She types.

“How’d you know?” He replies, bringing a soft smile on her features. She doesn’t, that is, maybe it’ll get worse. Maybe, she won’t love again. Maybe, Tsubasa had carved his name on her waist for when he’d wrap his arms around it and sing those oh-so-hatred rock songs that he’d blast early in the morning. Seven years, how does one get over seven years?

With a rebound, that’s how the two of them get over this. If things go right, that is, the buzz is not making her think straight. “You’re not that bad looking. I’m sure you’ll get someone else in the blink of an eye.”

“Haha,” The first response says. “I guess, but it’s not about that.”

“What is it about?”

“Years lost in someone who’d do this to me, I guess.”

“Huh…I get you, in my case it was seven years.”

A moment of hesitation, shown in the way the three dots disappear and soon after, they appear again. “I don’t think I’ve gotten your name. Are you sure you want to share that information with someone equally as heartbroken?”

Giggling to herself and leaning on her back, she lets out a sigh, hearing one of her friends complaining about the lack of information once she moves from their grasps. “I overshare, that’s my thing. Though…you know what? Yes, it’s only fair I share my name.”

And that she does, drunkenly talking to some man and trying her best not to fuck up her grammar along the way, drinking another bottle of beer to feel the liquid go past her throat in courage. Heartbroken, perhaps disheartened at this point, this is still no enough for her not to take risks—much less when there is a handsome, clearly single man that embarks in conversation with her. Soft, not flirty, just…the perfect amount of chill before she feels herself drifting off to sleep, cushions harshly pressed to her back.

###

Her name, spoken through a cheery tone, cuts through the thin air while she reads over her schedule for the week. The morning is tiresome, the long dress over her body clinging to the back of her thighs uncomfortably, trying to remember if she put on mascara on one eye when she had done her makeup…albeit a bit sleepy. This week had consisted of nothing but spending time with her friends, more than simply drinking, but touching the sky in long walks until they reached spots of the city that they didn’t know, or in dinners where speech is not necessary, only the healing atmosphere lingering within her.

That is the reason of her lack of sleep. Earfuls late at night, of gossip and stories she knows about but never gets tired of.

“Yes, Jinhee?”

The woman with a cap placed over her head peeked through her door before opening with a big smile, plush cheeks coated in a layer of peach dust. “Morning.” She says.

A smile appearing on her face, she decides that the heat and the lack of sleep won’t ruin her day. “Good morning, Jinhee. Why do I have the benefit of seeing you so early in the morning?”

Shame, she reads all over her face, not a typical feature to see in an office full of motivational speakers. If anything, all she gets to hear are chants of how good their lives are…and how it could only get better from now on. Bad pasts long gone, not living their ‘happily-ever-after’s’. “Well, uh, you see…you get the benefit to see someone else this morning—”

“Oh, sure. It’d have to be quick, though, I have some talk with an elementary child and his parents, because his teacher expressed he has been unmotivated—”

“Tsubasa is here.”

A man she hasn’t seen in well over two months, one that has her sighing deeply when he appears behind Jinhee, his thin eyebrows lifted in the smile he gives her. Golden skin that matches the bath of sunlight hat gets through her windows, moles that she has kissed over and over again framing his face, thick glasses that he can’t take off for anything moving under his smile. Her name, again, called into the density of such situation when Jinhee slips away, leaving her alone with Tsubasa.

“…Shouldn’t you be at work?”

While resting the flowers he brought with her on her desk, igniting the place in even more colors, she feels like her life is being drained of them. Him, in a suit; her, in a dress. A perfect match, she once had thought, as if their constant break-ups and arguments were normal. As if seeing life like a newspaper—gray, black, white, planned, written, filled with bad news, is what a relationship should feel like. Seven years, a first love, too many nights of wrapping herself up with him that she doesn’t know what could be more loveable than what they had, bad or not. “I was, but I asked for permission to visit you.”

“Then, go back.” She replies, pointing her finger towards her closed door enthusiastically. “You shouldn’t even be here in the first place. I already kicked you out of my life once, don’t make me do it again.”

Though, when he is looking out of her windows, always in need of the Sun to feel like she truly is happy and alive, she doesn’t think anyone will ever fill that void that she dares to call love, just him. Pushing it, that’s what motivational speakers do—to finish the race even if it hurts, to always come at first place, to hold onto the memories and look for something great. He’s the best, though, when his fingers glide across the spot in which she usually kept his gifts at, though not anymore. Needless to say, it has been difficult to get rid of him, and he notices. “You redecorated.”

“Don’t ignore me.”

“I’m just pointing out—”

“Well, yes, some things change.” She doesn’t let him finish, protecting herself knowing that he is never quite as calm as this. They will always collide; him for being intense, her for never accepting that something could go wrong in their relationship. Not everything is about happiness, just like not everything should be about complaining. His back leans against the desk, inspecting her face like the immaculate man he is—serious, calm, relaxed, with a bomb hidden in the depths of his heart.

“I know, but I don’t want you to change.” Tsubasa utters, the long strands of his hair pushed back by some gel, and she has to close her eyes and look away in order not to remember the times in which she’d see him with adoration at the beginning of their relationship, threading her fingers through his hair as he brushed his teeth late at night. Even simplistic things like that had her in love. “…Sure, I shouldn’t have come here without telling you, but today…I was told to find a scriptwriter for one of our commercials, supposed to motivate people to be better, happier.” A shuddering breath follows. “I could only think of you.”

“Out.” She threatens, voice soft when she tries to move towards the door. “I’m trying to forget seven years of us fighting, Tsubasa. I don’t want to just work with you.”

He nears her, hands wrapping around her wrists delicately, looking for her face when his usual cologne engulfs the expanse of her nostrils, up her body, engraved in the area of memory in her brain. “You’ve wanted this forever, though.”

That, he had listened to. The company he works for, a good executive of it to be exact, had been on her wish-list for as long as she could remember. Apart from making a few students feel more confident in reaching their happiness, she wants to do something more. Commercials with short catchphrases and incredible visuals, some of the type that Tsubasa’s company does, ones that could bring people to tears and up their beds to do something for their lives.

But…what is she doing for her life as of now? Accepting every offer that Tsubasa gives her?

Looking at his lips, thin and a bit curved, chapped—he should really drink more water, she used to say—and missing him. Because, once someone constructs a home, it doesn’t matter that the ceilings are falling or that the cushions of the couches dig into their skin so uncomfortably they can’t lay in peace, the only thing that matters, and wrongly so, is that it is…your home.

“I’ve already talked to my boss about you. They want you on the team. Better payment than whatever you get here—” He speaks excitedly, something unlike him, when he smiles at her. Beaming, he is, maybe there is hope within him that she’ll be able to forgive the tears they both shed, the nights in which staying in the same bed felt like being continents apart. “We can get through this, together. We just need time to remember why exactly we fell in love.”

His body shelters the Sun from the windows and what she wants to do right now is impossible. What she would do was she a weaker person would be wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him like nothing ever mattered, as if taking a bite of the prohibited fruit will make her immune to it. Instead, she really ponders on this—he is sheltering her Sun, and he has been doing it for the entirety of their relationship. Vice-versa, too, she is not a saint in this situation. “I can’t.”

Air is pushed towards her face in the form of a scoff. “Yes, you can.”

“I can’t—”

“Stop being stubborn. You’re the first one that says that people can do anything as long as they put their minds into it!”

Her hands push at his chest, the sound of his pristine shoes colliding against his flooring suddenly leaving her in a trance. Panic, that is what it is, she is not used to lying…at least, not in something as specific as that. What is the reason as to why she has redecorated everything, erased him from her life and even denying a good job because she doesn’t want to see him? “I can’t because…” A look around the room, uncertainty, one more word from him and his voice will cut through her soul, leaving her bleeding, needing him more than anything in the world. “…Because I have someone else, and I know you’ll get angry because of this.”

The world doesn’t shatter—not for her, but for Tsubasa it seems to. His jaw tightens, eyes squinting before rolling them subsequently. “Right, yeah, you have a new man. You expect me to believe that?”

Certainty is what he speaks, as if he is so sure she can’t get a new man…and sure, it is not a reality, but it could damn well be if she simply let go of him. “Believe it, Tsubasa. I could call my man just about now to be a polite and nice civilian to show you exactly what a real person is.”

Thick breaths, tension, one step closer, two of them at that when he takes her phone from her desk and pushes it towards her hand before nodding. “…Call him, then. Tell him to speak up if he’s so brave.”

Well, fuck.

She really thought her hot-headed, quite reserved ex-boyfriend would accept her humongous lie.

Fingers hovering over her screen, they rush to find whatever number does not belong to a friend of hers, is a man’s set of digits and could potentially have her ex-boyfriend convinced that she is seeing someone else. “And video-call, too. I want to see him.”

“I don’t owe you any explanations, I don’t know why I am even doing this.”

Tsubasa’s fingers press his glasses up on his nose, chuckling shortly at her words, though a smile does not appear on his features. “Because it’s a lie?”

“He’s not.” She finishes, pressing on the last contact she sees in her hunt and bringing the device up her face. Tsubasa appears beside her in the matter of seconds, praying that the person on the screen doesn’t think she is an absolute insane woman once he picks up.

“Your new boy is taking a bit longer than anticipated.”

“Some people work, you know?”

“Sure. What’s his job?”

Answerless, for Tsubasa has always been smart, too smart for his own good, reason as to why he has such a nice position in his job and why he frowns when he sees Hyungwon splayed on her screen, squinting his eyes at the scenery in front of him and pushing his plump lips in a line. He’s confused, quite a bit taken aback, and she realizes now that some drunken conversation is clearly not the necessary subject for her to be calling him (clarification: video-calling him) in the middle of the morning, with her ex-boyfriend by her side, nonetheless. “Hello, Hyungwon. Are you busy right now?”

“Kind of…I’m on my aperitive break.” Aperitive break? Who even has those? “But…yes, I am free now, nice to see you. What can…I help you with?” Hesitation on his face is quite the sight, much more when he wraps those rosy lips around the straw of what seems to be his iced coffee. Before she could answer, however, Tsubasa speaks over her.

“I’m her ex-boyfriend and she’s been meaning to tell me you’re her new guy. Is that true?” He asks, panic filling her body when she sees Hyungwon widening his eyes, looking at her, then at him, then back at her. His body is frozen for a few seconds, or maybe the connection failed on her, she is not sure anymore.

Hyungwon’s finger is at the perfect timing to simply swipe his finger over the red button on the red of the screen and forget this moment even existed. Instead, he pushes a bit of his sandwich inside his mouth, the sound of a child speaking in the fair distance taking her off guard. Does he have children…or…? “Y—Yes.” Through a mouthful of food and with flushed cheeks, he answers. “That would be me.”

Tsubasa frowns at this, instead continuing with the conversation. “Huh, how so? How did you meet her?”

“Tsubasa, you’re my ex, not my dad. Stop—”

“…Dating apps?” Hyungwon almost chokes on his food when he says this, even surprising himself and she tries her best not to show her surprise at how good this is going.

“You tried dating apps?” Her ex asks.

“…After we broke up, I guess.” Lie. If anything, she only tried that break-up app in which she had discovered Hyungwon in…but who is Tsubasa to know that?

With fingers threading through his black hair and his gray hoodie pooling around the edges, Hyungwon cuts through the dense air. “Hey…uh, dude, my guy, whoever you are…I’d be thankful if you just left her alone?” The uncertainty in his tone must have gone unnoticed by Tsubasa, who turned to look at the camera with anger. This is what she gets for lying, more lies to keep on the long run. “Yeah, leave her alone. It’s over between you two.”

Pointing towards her door before opening it with the same hand, she hums. “Out you go, Tsubasa.” Though, it pains her to see the expression on his face, one that reads betrayal. Though not together, their story is difficult to get rid of…and lying to him feels like a part of her body is being plucked away so slowly that it is difficult to breathe. “…Sorry.” She whispers when she sees the man pass by, the door closing in front of her eyes with a loud bang and the memory that she never meant to break his heart.

But it’d be good for them.

Being away is the only way they can be happy, even when it doesn’t seem like it.

“Was that sorry for me or…?” Hyungwon’s deep and soft-spoken tone cuts through her thoughts, making her look up towards the camera, smiling at him briefly before nodding her head.

“Yes, sorry…” She trails, moving towards her desk and sitting down, releasing that one breath that had caged inside her, trapping her as its slave. “He came back to offer me some job…but I needed to decline. I don’t want to work around him.”

Understanding, he seems to be, nodding his head when he plays with the edge of his straw. “He didn’t seem too nice. What did you see in him?”

It’s small talk and yet, she can’t help but chuckle at this. Leaning her head back while still keeping her phone straight, the Sun almost burning her pupils but she enjoys the feeling of being warm, with him, in solitude, however way it comes. Opening up to him comes easily, a stranger that she likes to talk about for the sake of feeling like she can still capture the attention of someone handsome, seven years after being absolutely off the dating radar. “He gets what he wants. He always did. I needed someone who…would not be afraid to take risks.” She almost wants to laugh at the reminder as to why he had captured her attention. “I’ve known him for almost all my life, he’s a sweet guy…we just don’t work well together. We’re the type of people that fix things. I think I can’t ever live through sadness…” The truth spills her lips, well-aware that her obsession with happiness is only hurting her, and she doesn’t even look at Hyungwon’s expression when she speaks about her reality. “And he’d do anything to get to where he wants. It’s not like that in relationships…you can only fix something so much until it gets broken permanently.”

The deep words have Hyungwon sighing, looking down when she chooses to look at him. This is how they are, reaching but never holding, simply speaking to a stranger, wanting to take the risk of being vulnerable. “…It was the opposite with my ex and I,” He says. “The first time I met her, she was one of those models in stores. The ones that sit by the windows and showcase clothing while pretending to be mannequins. I really bought her entire outfit simply to get her attention.” Laughter, maybe he had enjoyed that day, but it dies down quickly when he shakes his head, instead his eyes filled with longing when he looks up at her. “…And when she asked: ‘Who are you giving this to?’. That outfit, that is. I could only think of her so I said ‘you’.”

Her lips quirk up in a small smile at that, warmed by the gesture. “That’s sweet.”

“She wanted those kinds of gestures throughout the relationship, though. It was draining, in a way…” Hyungwon mumbles, breathing through his nose with those same babbles of children in the background. “I enjoy quietness, simply talking and enjoying everything in simplicity. I don’t need to show someone I love them by doing extravagant things.”

“Right.”

“…Sorry, am I oversharing?”

“I love to listen, don’t worry.” She replies, pushing her elbows against the desk, digging deeply into the crevices of her skin with its rough wood. “I understand, in a way, I really do.”

“How?”

“The last few years of my relationship with Tsubasa, my ex, were…all about screaming, arguing…all of the like.”

“Oh.”

Once again, a weird metaphor comes up to her brain, typical of her moments of motivational speaking. “It reminds me of this one washing machine I have in my apartment. That thing is rusty, but I ask for it to be fixed every time. I can’t get rid of it…it came with the house and I really do think I can fix it, even when it screeches like a wild animal when it is washing my clothes.” The sweet laughter that escapes his lips, melodious to listen to, brings a smile to her face when she looks at her clock and sees that it is about time for her to leave to her first speech of the day. “I need some quiet. Getting rid of my relationship, getting rid of my washing machine—”

“We can be quiet together.” He prompts, before shaking his head at the sound of his voice. “Oh, shit, my bad, I probably sounded—”

“No.” She says. “We can be quiet together.”

###

The waltz of the morning is eventful, once again followed by a motivational speech for her. She tries to feel more at ease—happier, because working with kindergarteners with a frown on her features is not exactly what she should be doing. The walls are painted in colors of yellow and blue, the small classroom taking her off guard when she takes a glimpse from the windows outside, watching the number of teachers that are oh-so-gladly talking to their students about the next section of their day. Small, they are, probably not a day over five years old, with attentive looks on their faces that could not match the ones that she normally gets from older students, all in distaste or disinterest in her rants about a happy life.

Well, they are older…and life has always taught that the older someone gets, the more is expected from them; hence happiness is a benefit rather than a necessity. To her, happiness needs to be a certainty, because the chirping of birds still exists, along with her group of friends; there are people in this world that had it worse than her and still, she gets to complain. Heartbroken, she feels, though she doesn’t look like it—always thinking of Tsubasa; if he has eaten or not, if he is sleeping soundly now that she is not in the picture.

The door opens in a swish, present reuniting with past and bringing her back to her reality. After knocking on the door, she had stood and waited to let her in, grasping her bag in between her fingers, moving back and forth, unable to stay in place—quite a lot like her—. The person in front of her, however, is completely still. Serious, even. Soft yet powerful, a gush of fresh air when her eyes widen and she inspects his features. Small face marked by prominent lips, long—longer than the last time she saw him on that video-call—and black hair framing his features.

Able to forget, she is, when she looks at his features and gets to see a hint of a smile, whispering out his name as if not to disturb the students.

“Hyungwon? You’re a kindergarten teacher?” Part of her had imagined that the wails and babbles of children in the background of their call had come from Hyungwon and his children. Apparently, this is not the case.

Flushed cheeks and a good look at her features, his eyes caress her face in the gentlest of stares when he says. “Yes…You’re the motivational speaker?”

“…Yes,” She adds rapidly. “I mean, it probably makes sense now. I was trying to make you feel better after I was asked to break up with you—”

“It does make sense. Someone can only tell you it’ll be alright about a thousand times before it starts to get suspicious.”

“Good thing I said it nine hundred ninety-nine times.”

Hyungwon chuckles, opening the door wider for her to enter in such a place. The children are already looking at her with curiousness, her eyes taking in each of them. One of them in the front row is eating what seems to be a sandwich, unlike everyone else who is listening intently, crumbs of bread imparted unevenly on top of fluffy cheeks. Another one immediately waves at her, on the end of the row of seats, giving her an eventful smile and surprisingly enough, there is one of them that stands up and clings to Hyungwon’s leg, his long fingers coming down to pat the black head of hair.

“Guys, we should all sit down and listen to our dear friend.”

“Yes, Teacher Hyungwon!” Some say in unison, grinning when Hyungwon moves to the back of the class with his kindergarten student, sitting him down beside him before looking ahead. Whilst she places her bag down on the nearby desk, not forgetting to greet the other teachers, she can’t help but get a bit fidgety under his gaze—curious, he is, and it has only downed on her that this complete stranger is not one in its entirety.

Speaking comes easier from then on, rambling just like how she knows how to do, capturing the attention of the little children that help her out along the way, asking them questions, making them play around in order to have more trust in themselves and others. Interactive would fall short as a word for what she is doing and how gratifying it feels to be heard, for once and for all, speaking as quickly as she does, as invested in the nature of making others feel better, even when she is not feeling her best.

The impossibility of leaving is palpable when some of the students beg her to stay, even more after she had a connection with them, wanting her to take part on their lunch time. That’s how she finds herself near the window, magnet of everything that has to deal with the Sun, knees bent under the small table, plopping a bit of rice in between her lips. The students are talking to her happily, more than glad to have a ‘teacher’ that is just as hyper as they are, barely able to stand in one place without moving to the other. They ask and ask and ask, never getting tired of her and it’s the most heart-warming thing that has ever had the opportunity to cross her path in the last few months.

If she is not counting the man that moves towards her with sure steps, sitting across from her with his own plate of lunch, his tall and lean body barely captured under the comprising stance of the table in which she is seated at. Hyungwon gives her a shy smile, one of those that lift the apples of his cheeks and make him look quite awkward, though their silence lasts a short amount of time when they both call each other’s names, laughing at their own antics.

With him, it feels natural to simply be…shameful. It feels as though she doesn’t have to worry about the world because with him alone, she’s able to forget about the things that fly around her head in matters of worry. This is exactly what she needs, kaleidoscopes of images forgotten in the back of her brain.

“I meant to ask you—” She stops herself for a moment when one of the children feeds her a spoonful of rice, and this feels exactly how young parents are probably like. They can’t even speak without having one of their children interrupting them. “How is it that you ended up being a teacher?” She asks, earning a glance from Hyungwon that simply shrugs his shoulders.

His fingers go to help one of the younger students eat, doing motions with his mouth to represent chewing, and the little one understands perfectly. This kind of relaxed, laidback mindset of his is intoxicating, in a way that she can feel herself smiling just from his sight alone. “I don’t know.” He explains. “One day…I had to be an adult, and I had to pick something to do. Part of me knew that society is already difficult on its own, so I wanted to go to the root of it all.” His words are a bit jumbled, as if he’s embarrassed of what he is saying, mouth parting in a small smile when he feeds some more to this one student. “Children are the future, so if I can make children be educated, kind, nice to one another…intelligent but not pretentious about it, then I’ve already done something good for society.”

Warmed by her words and finding the logic in the thread of thoughts that had gone through his mind when choosing his career, she hums. “That’s…smart. I’ve never thought of it that way.”

“Bad teachers make bad students.” He answers, looking over at her while he holds his hand under the boy’s chin. “Ria, eat your food, please. Stop playing with it.” He softly says to one of the students across from him, earning a giggle and a sigh from himself. “What about you? What was the reason behind being a motivational speaker?”

Understanding, that’s what he is. She hates herself for looking at him with stars in her eyes, studying the hoodie over his body and how his hair grazes against it, watching the calm look on his features and the moisture of his lips, a ghost of a kiss passing through her head. Attraction that comes with liveliness, this fleeting air that makes her feel weightless. Lightweight, and ready to be caught. “I was always a hyper girl,” She says. “People used to say: “use that word for something, use those mannerisms to inspire people!” and I thought that was the road that I had to take.” Playing around with her rice and the egg on top of it, she takes another bite before sighing. “It reminds me to be happy, too.”

Hyungwon’s eyes soften at that, nodding his head along with her. “Happiness is the goal, yes.”

“Do you think…?” Her voice comes short when she tries to think of her question. “Do you think I do a great job at motivating people?”

His eyes crinkle at that, a smile that she has never seen from him when he frantically nods. “You are the one that has inspired me to get over my ex.”

“And vice-versa.” She says, pointing at him before Hyungwon presses his lips together, the sound of wails cutting the atmosphere like scissors going over paper. He stands up immediately, just at the same time that she does. “Let me help you.”

“…Are you sure you have nothing else to do today?” He asks mindfully, walking and hearing the sound of her footsteps beside him, aware of him when he kneels to pick up the child that is crying, talking to them through a soft tone. “Hey, hey, easy. You dropped your food; we can get you some more.” He speaks, finding the Sun in him when he stands in front of said window. Tall, he is, but he doesn’t cover the Sun, rather radiates with it, shines a light that leaves her astounded.

Surely, he is handsome…but something about him is inviting, calming, everything that she hasn’t had in the last seven years with— “I probably won’t have any other day like this with you, so let me prolong it a bit.”

Hyungwon chuckles at that, patting the student’s back while he speaks to her. “You don’t have to think like that.”

“Why?”

Awkwardness, he always radiates such thing when he is ashamed—or maybe, embarrassed. She notices that, moving back and forth on the heels of her feet, always moving, needing to go to the next thing, think of the next subject before coming blank. Staying quiet is never her thing, but it seems to be his. “We could definitely see each other again if you wanted to.”

“Do you want to?” She asks.

“I’d love to have some meal with you without sitting by a table I can’t even sit by, so…yes?” Joy overtakes her, lips moving along with her throat to let laughter caress the air in between the two. “If you want to, of course.”

Letting go, oh, what a precious thing to be thinking about when she utters out a small: “Huh, I was thinking the same thing, maybe we should make it happen.”

###

This street will always hold the melody of Hyungwon’s voice, walking by her side, a reminder that comes from that day at the kindergarten classroom in which she realized that, when walking back to her home, Hyungwon takes the same route. Nowhere nearby, they live, but close enough that it’s a ten-minute walk…and they’d meet if only their schedules lined up.

But now, when the Sun is barely hiding and the sky is in its rosy tint, Hyungwon is walking by her side. Waited, he had done, even when it had taken her a good hour and a half to get there, meeting up with him thanks to her rushing and loud strides against the sidewalk. A few distractions happen on the way home, whatever way shown in the way they are holding onto cotton candy, eating happily while having cheerful conversations.

She had gotten to know a bit about Hyungwon, enough for her to think of him as a daydream. Lover of coffee, definitely not one to think heavily of the future but he enjoys his present, he’s strict but deep behind all that, he’s kind. Retorts and remarks are often with him when he has something to say and oh, he’d live for some gossip but wouldn’t even be able to confess it if she asked him. He moves slowly, almost like he is sleepy when he walks, or that he really wants to meet up with that promise she had given him in the classroom a few weeks ago. To prolong the moment, to not think for the minutes in which they are together.

It’s hard for her to concentrate for long periods of time. Tsubasa knew this, lived with it, sometimes had to explain twice when she blanked out, but what she’d receive was a sigh at most. Hyungwon, however, makes sure to engulf her in enough information for her to catch on, patience at its finest. So different, in a way, and yet a subject of comparison. Sometimes, it’s difficult not to do so and while munching on her cotton candy, the treat dissolving on her tongue while Hyungwon speaks about this one student that had made his heart almost explode out of adorableness, the sound of screeching, shouting, heartbreak seeps through her ears, widening her eyes when she catches the couple that are fighting right in front of some restaurant near her apartment complex.

“Do you think that always happens in relationships?”

Hyungwon tries to look for the source of her question, connecting his gaze to the sight that has made her curious, and he simply puckers up his lips in response. “I don’t know…I’m not sure.” The answer saddens her, continuing her walk along with him even when passing by the couple.

“I used to think that this ‘forever-and-ever’ happens to everyone.” She starts once again, the talk of love nowhere near spoken in between the two. Flirting has happened, but it’s different to talk about a serious outlook of love. “I used to think that I’d find it someday, too.”

Hyungwon brings a slice of the cotton candy up to his lips, reddening them even more. “You can’t be certain it won’t happen. You’re still young.” And with that promise alone, she lifts her gaze, her steps becoming slower the more she nears her apartment complex.

“What about you? Do you think it will happen to you?” She complies, memories ever so precious of him being held the moment he stands in front of the building that meets her home, taking his last bite of cotton candy before sighing deeply.

“…Maybe…” He tells her, a faint smile appearing on his features when he lifts his eyebrows. “Are you curious?”

“Maybe.” She mocks his tone, taking the small papers that held the cotton candies they had and trashing them in a bin nearby before returning towards him. Hyungwon’s eyes, looking at her for a goodbye, have her fidgeting more than usual, playing with the edge of her shirt, tightening her fingers, unleashing them from their hold and finally, saying something. “It’s up to you if something happens…in that case…” She tries to hint, looking at him and comparing him in every way possible. He’s skinnier, taller, definitely different from Tsubasa. He’s not a man that she has known for her entire life, but someone that she barely knows…and that’s thrilling on its own, exciting, enough to set her ablaze because, for a second, she thinks she sees interest in his eyes.

Is that good? Perhaps, it’s bad to let go, it’s bad to look for someone else and want to feel loved under the gaze of another person. It’s bad enough that Hyungwon nears her, hand hovering over her waist before pressing down on it. Different, this is different, and that is exactly what she needs. To feel like the Sun is burning her, but in the best of ways, even when it is long into the night. “One step at a time, though.” He says. “…I want to ease into this.”

“Me, too.” She replies, fisting the fabric of his shirt and bringing him towards her, the movement of her dress against her legs the only motion that reminds her this is not a freeze frame. She counts his eyelashes, the faint gleam on the tip of his nose, his thick lips that she had wished to kiss from the moment she saw him in a picture with his ex. She chuckles at that, fluttering her eyelashes at him. “Is it too quick for me to say I really like you, though?”

“Depends.” Hyungwon tilts his head to the side, playing with a strand of her hair with his free hand. “Is it too quick for me to say I want to kiss you?”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t kiss me after implying that.”

His face leans forward, enough for her to look into his eyes just as they look down at her lips. “I don’t know…” He teases, giggling at his own words before resting a brief kiss on her lips. “Is that enough?”

Looking for gravity, she wraps her arms around his neck. This feeling is exactly what she has been looking for, to be clouded in someone’s hold to the point she couldn’t even think of anything else. The weighty feeling of him when she presses his lips into his, this time in a soft yet not so fleeting manner, is enough to have butterflies appearing on the depths of her stomach, but not enough to feel her heart combust in absolute delight. She’d get used to this, to the glide of his lips against hers that is different from anything else she has ever had. He’s delicate, with purpose, but not completely on the loving stance. If anything, it feels like dipping a finger into the ocean.

Though, the feeling of the soft muscles of his back contracting when she runs her fingers over them is enough to have her smiling against the kiss, but diving in once again. In reality, this is better than she could have expected, only pulling away when the security guard by the door opens it widely, clearing his throat with poise.

“Are you entering, Miss?”

While still holding onto Hyungwon, his hands searching anywhere else but her body, she speaks in a sweetened tone towards him. “I don’t know, Hyungwon. Are we entering?”

“W—We…?” Hyungwon asks softly, seeing the big traces of a smile on her features when relief washes over his body. “Yes, we are.”

His fingertips slot in between hers, holding her lazily while they enter the building, a reminder for her to get used to the differences between the past and the future.

It takes a man to forget another, as it seems.

###

In the blink of an eye, it becomes difficult to even imagine a time in which Hyungwon isn’t in her head.

His students asking for her, her friends that couldn’t stop talking about her ‘cute and mysterious’ boyfriend, and most importantly, the amount of times she has to push the thought of him into her life simply to feel like she has someone to look forward to, a source of happiness that she should get attached to. Even when he is right in front of her, the Japanese restaurant packed with different individuals, all chatting with excitement, she can only keep thinking of him. Maybe, this is exactly what she needed, to have someone else that makes her feel…alive.

Different, he has always been, in the way he holds her with such simplicity but still looks at her with all the intent. Never falling apart, just calmly letting the breeze direct their paths together, enjoying nothing more than the time they get to spend together. Sometimes, it surprises her that there is not even the slightest of turbulence with Hyungwon, now seated in front of her and tipping his head back to down a bit of the wine they had ordered with their meal.

If happiness is this, the way his face contorts with the sweet taste before giving a smile to her, then she wants to be able to forget everything. The burning sensation of his plump lips passing across her skin feels right, but it isn’t called love for any of them.

Letting go has been the meaning of their relationship, how it developed even from the littlest of actions. Attraction, it is, the calmness of him bringing her to a sense of peace, but comparing each other seems to be the root of their upcoming issues. Pasts of previous relationships are what translate into their motions, blurring their judgements of each other. Someone’s favorite color is one thing, but the way they touch the other is the same way they reached for someone else. It’s difficult to get used to another body, to threaten to erase every bit of attachment in order to grow another root of love.

It doesn’t work like that.

“Drink slower,” She tells him, her chopsticks picking a bit of sushi in between them. The Japanese restaurant they went to is common for them, one of the many take-out meals that they have, the decorations on the ceilings golden, the rug in a dark shade of green, the trees bringing a sense of naturality even when they are inside. “The wine is not going anywhere.”

“We paid a lot of money for this wine, better enjoy it.” Hyungwon adds, leaning forward on his table before biting down on his bottom lip. His eyes scan her features, as if he wants to know the clouds of tiredness that fall under her eyes like the palm of his hand, or because he simply wants to forget every mole and trace of blemish that kisses her skin. “Did I tell you that I love when you wear that dress?”

A black dress, thin strapped dress that touched the ground softly, layered on top of a white t-shirt, that’s what Hyungwon is looking at, along with the pendant with his initial that wraps around her neck. When he said he was attentive yet quiet, he meant it. “You say that about every other dress.”

“…I don’t, stop.” Hyungwon comments, taking a bite of his own order of sushi and she smacks her lips in disbelief.

“I’m starting to believe you’re really fake.”

“I’m not the type to say I like something when I don’t.” And she knows this, one of the things she knows about Hyungwon, but no matter how much she scavenges for the little bits that make her feel like she’s in love with him, it has never happened. Likewise, for Hyungwon, the words had never left his lips and while adoration is there, it’s not exactly love they are working with. “You know what? I’m going to have more wine, considering we’re walking back.”

“I’ll have to drag you back to your place, though. Drink slower.” She retorts, a smile on her features when she leans forward and rests a soft kiss on his lips. “If only you had me like that wine.” She flirts, earning a chuckle from Hyungwon.

“…Spending lots of money on it and drinking it in one go because I have to make sure every penny it’s worth it?”

“Don’t ruin the moment.” Another brief peck is pressed against her lips before she sits back down on her seat, fixing the chopsticks in between her fingers when patting them against the plate. “Man, I really missed having some time with you. All I’ve been thinking this week is how I need to have some sushi with my boyfriend.”

“Jinhee is finally getting to your nerves.”

“People rarely get on my nerves, because I’m mostly the annoying one in the relationship.” She answers quickly, looking up at him for a brief second as if searching for an answer before giving another bite to her food. “But, man, this one student in one of those classes I went to was really testing it with me.”

“What did he say?” Hyungwon asks, interested.

“Hear this,” She starts. “Why are we supposed to feel motivated when you, yourself, must feel unmotivated from time to time?”

“He’s got a point.”

“I’m always happy!” That same fronting issue that goes on inside her heart burns at Hyungwon’s lips when he speaks out.

“You shouldn’t push yourself to always be happy.” He tells her, hand reaching forward until he squeezes the skin gently. “But…I’ll make sure you keep that sentence alive. You’ll always be happy.”

Warmth, heightening more and more as Hyungwon keeps drinking, only a few sips given by her and by the time an hour and a half has passed of the two eating, now enjoying desserts of their own, Hyungwon is drunken. His head is tilted back, the expanse of the elongated part of his body blossoming with a few reminders of the kisses she had pressed and marked there early on the week. His hair falls on top of his eyes, suddenly babbling more than he would, the quiet one of the relationship generally, a perfect listener until now, he wants to talk about everything.

Like her favorite movie, or the way her laugh sounds when she is really into a joke he tells. Things that he seems to remember about her, reminiscent of them perfectly the more he loses himself in his drink. When she finally pries the cup away from his hands, however, her boyfriend leans his weight forward and chuckles with his entire teeth, those crevices that she loves forming under his eyes when he clearly is trying to look cute in her book.

And maybe, it’s working.

And maybe, she can fall in love.

“I still remember our first trip,” But only in a month of being in a relationship, they still have yet to think of a trip. This brings a frown up her features, inspecting the way he grasps her fingers in his hold before placing his soft lips on top of them. Fleeting, like what they have for each other. “We went to…your family’s house,” Yet, Hyungwon had never gotten to know her family. “And I got to see that little room of yours. It was so cute.”

“Hyungwon, that didn’t happen.”

Soberness doesn’t overtake him, but he squints at her before chuckling a bit more awkwardly, resting his head against the table in his drunken state. “Right…” He whispers, looking up at her whilst his chin digs into the wooden material of the table. “I’d love to meet your family, though.”

A rebound, that is what she is, because Hyungwon is thinking of such a memory with adoration—confusing it with her in the line that they have traced between their pasts and their present. It only so happens that she can’t get angry at him for this, she can’t simply scold him for…loving someone else, when she doesn’t think she has fully stopped loving someone. Surely, she no longer likes Tsubasa as a person, but the longing deep in her soul will forever carve the name of the person that she had adored for seven years. “I’m sure you would…” She mumbles back, running her fingertips through his hair before sighing. “Were you thinking of Hyunae?”

“…I confused things, sorry.” His rough voice fills the air softly when he holds her hands tightly. “But don’t think I like you any less because of this.”

Like you.

Like.

Like, not love.

Why does that make her feel more at ease?

“You’re so cheerful and happy and loud. So funny, so…given to everyone. Whenever you enter a room, you’re ready to talk and make everything fun and I need that.” Hyungwon answers, looking up at her with glistening eyes before mouthing out a small: “Who would I prefer to be with than with you?”

Probably Hyunae, had she not left him. If everything had gone well with Tsubasa and it had been the first big fight instead of the thousandth one, maybe she’d be with him, too. Not to say she likes Hyungwon less or that she doesn’t sigh in utter happiness when he presses a kiss to her lips or when he laughs in absolute joy. She needs time, she promises herself, to get used to someone else. She’s fearful, perhaps she doesn’t want to be in the end of heartbreak again, to get so sick of love that she seeks for it more. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, Hyungwon. You were with her for long, I understand…but we’re moving forward, that’s the good thing.”

He realizes, probably, that she is in the same predicament. Sober, of course, he must have noticed.

Because she can’t let go.

Not completely. She would never go back to Tsubasa, but the memories keep haunting her.

Maybe, she could have done better.

Maybe, Hyungwon will end up fighting with her, too.

…Is love for everyone?

“I’ve already moved forward.” He explains, earning a breathy laugh from her when she slices a bit of his lemon pie, wanting to have a taste in contrast of her passion fruit one.

“We’ll get there, step by step, make memories of our own, you know?” Convincing, she means to sound, even to herself, wanting nothing more than to get rid of the second skin that has been clinging to her, holding her onto something that she isn’t anymore. It will be alright, she promises deep in her brain, relying on her vision to see more of the love of her life in him. “This is just a slip up. We knew it was going to be like this.”

“Right.” Hyungwon nods, curt in the way he tries to do so. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” She tells him, wanting to whisper something along the lines of ‘because I also go through the same thing’, needing to forgive herself for not forgetting, but she lets it die in the back of her throat.

Because she’s always happy, and slip-ups are not for her.

###

Trust me, how many times has she said those two words in the last fifteen minutes? A hundred times, probably?

Hyungwon’s apartment has almost become second nature for her to be in, and in between walking together back home, it was a habit to end up in his place. Right now, however, she wishes nothing more than to be able to kick him out of said place—even when she is not supposed to be doing so. Leaning against the sink, she is trying to apply mascara to her bottom lashes, widening her eyes, but eyebrows furrowed in such a way with trembling fingers to control her anger that she doesn’t think she’ll be able to get the makeup right without ruining it even the slightest.

The mirror shows the decency of Hyungwon, the pride of him as he stands in his pajamas by the bathroom’s door, leaning against it with his slim and long arms cradling his chest. His hair is decorating his angry features elegantly, plush lips pressed together, eyes scanning her every action when he finally does her the justice of speaking again, much more than he normally does, all thanks to the slightest thing she had mentioned earlier, just over twenty minutes ago.

“If you wanted to go back to his arms, you just had to tell me.”

He’s not the jealous type, he had once said, and he normally isn’t…but that fear he has of her going back to Tsubasa lingers within him, tickles at that insecurity that he holds in him and now explodes into their argument. Which, speaking of, have become more prominent in their relationship after that sly honeymoon phase. Hyungwon doesn’t like when she speaks too loudly when he’s trying to concentrate on grading tests—for kindergarteners, at that—and she absolutely dislikes the way he simply falls asleep when they try to go out on dates. She has grown more used to watching around his place, the accumulation of memoirs and reminders suddenly making her sick, than spending time with him.

Earlier this week, however, she had gotten yet another offer from Tsubasa’s workplace. This time it was not from Tsubasa, but from some man named Jooheon that was interested in having her in his informercial project. When thinking deeply about it, going to a big company and earning more money is never a bad thing—but to Hyungwon, it’s a clear sign that she is missing Tsubasa, or that he is the one that offered it to her, on the first place.

The latter makes more sense, and it’s the one he holds on to the most.

“Ugh, listen, I don’t want to get back with him. Stop prompting that I do.” She replies, landing her mascara down on her makeup kit with a slam. The mirror welcomes the sight of her, getting ready with a night out with her friends, some club that they wanted her to try out and while in any other day she would have given up a night of dancing to stay at home and watch movies with Hyungwon, this argument is making her want to leave more and more.

His eyes roll, not magically, just because he wants for her to see that he is annoyed. “Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t realize that he is the one that made this Jooheon guy call you?”

She turns around at that, looking up and down his body as if to minimize him. The blue walls of the bathroom feel even more tense the more they stare at each other, all cladded in reminders of Hyungwon. His toothbrush, his hair products, everything that would otherwise have her feeling like she is at home, but now making her feel suffocated. “Hyungwon, stop trying to put me as the cheater here. One, I would never do that to you. Two, he would never do that. I know him—”

“Oh, excuse me, yes, I forget that you’ve known him for your entire life and that you dated for seven years, so I’m always expected to know how he is just so…nice and caring and would never do something like this.” Hyungwon speaks in his low voice, never losing that poise that represents him. “As if he wasn’t the one that pressured you into calling some stranger to see who your new man was—”

“Well, I didn’t complain when you mixed Hyunae up with me. How many times have you thought about her when being with me?”

“I have never.” Though, she can’t believe him, now nearing him, a little bit more of height when she is wearing her heels, breathing deeply when she takes a good glance at his eyes. They are bored, of course he’s never going to show his true feelings. “Just like how I am not oblivious that she was not that nice. She asked some stranger to break up with me, and Tsubasa is clearly trying to get you into the job because he wants you back.”

“And I, the whore in this situation, would definitely go back to him. Is that what you mean?”

“No,” Hyungwon whispers. “But you’ve loved him for so long—”

“You need to understand me here! It’s not about how much I love him but it’s about me and my job and how some motivational speaker job is not taking me anywhere!”

Silence, that’s what surrounds this moment when Hyungwon utters out a tiny: “It’s about how you’ve loved him, but we’ve been together for months and I feel like you don’t love me.”

When a glass shatters, people try their best to grasp it before it lands on the floor. However, gravity is stronger. This is how this moment feels like, staring at him and the blue walls, suffocating her, because this is what she has been doing all along. Suffocating and suffocating, trying her best to forget to the point she has never forgotten at all. Hyungwon, though meaningful for her and possibly someone she loves now, will never be quite as strong as she had once had felt. Maybe, that is what adulthood does to her, it wears her off.

“Baby, it’s not about that…” She tries to reason, reaching up for his face and cradling his face. “I do care for you.”

“Care?” Hyungwon asks, lifting his eyebrows before getting away from her. She closes the door behind her in a hassle, following after his steps as she speaks in loud words.

“Yeah, care! I do care about you.”

His fingers wrap around her coat, tossing it at her with a sigh, nodding towards the door. “Call me when you get there and make sure you don’t drink too much.”

“Hyungwon—”

“If you care so much about me, just go out for tonight and let me think for once.” He replies, opening the door for her and holding his hand out with weaving fingers. “So? I’m waiting.”

Uneasily, the straps of her heels slip across her skin, clicking against the flooring and expecting Hyungwon to say something, turning around just in time to kiss him on the lips, but it feels as though he is dead, paralyzed, unable to move when she mumbles a small: “I love you.”

But it’s meaningless, of course it is.

The club is packed, ready to have anyone on the dance floor, drinking, smoking, living the best part of their lives, but instead her friends and herself are seated by the bar, simply talking beneath themselves about the issues that have interrupted her trains of thoughts ever since she got inside the taxi. The city could never quite feel as loud as her thoughts are, trying to recall since when it had become a habit for her to lie and if she really, sincerely, with all the might in her heart, thought that Tsubasa was not behind Jooheon’s intentions. After all, it could be some subconscious matter that is trying to push her back to the home she had gotten so used to, the one that she has tried to destroy with all the intention in the world.

The words go past her lips, reminiscent of every single argument they’ve had. One because he had fallen asleep when watching a movie. Another one because Hyungwon claimed that she was hiding from him, hence not saying anything when she was feeling gloomy. The screen that she had created for the movie of her life is suddenly projecting everything that is wrong, no longer a happy movie the more she downs sips of water, her friend’s attention on her. The second-nature of feeling comfortable with each other is falling into the realization that they are not really serious with one another, a reason as to why anyone would feel insecure in a long-lasting relationship. One that aims to be so, at least.

“Men are so stupid!” Miwoo says in between a shout, the music making them speak a bit louder than usual. She moves her hair off her shoulders, showcasing trained and tight shoulders. “I remember I used to be with this guy when I was in Paris for university and I swear…that guy ghosted me after it became serious. Some guy obsessed with travelling, like he really didn’t give two shits about my feelings.”

She nods softly, feet moving under the counter the more she thinks about the fight that had just ensued in Hyungwon’s apartment. “And he goes on to blame me, like I spent seven years in a relationship and got out of it, that’s my story. He shouldn’t think I’ll go and cheat on him or something—”

Seola is the next to speak, looking around to the masses of people dancing. “Besides, haven’t you been complaining about how he is boring?”

“Not in most occasions…” The answer is protective, mostly because she doesn’t want anyone hurting Hyungwon, but the anger that she feels within her bubbles up with the need of an outburst. “Doah should know about this, it’s just what happens after being with someone for a while. He just doesn’t try anymore. He doesn’t…initiate anything, you know? He simply expects for us to fall into this routine, like we have to plan each moment of our week, rules and all.”

“Maybe, he’s comfortable with you.” Doah tries to reason, the one that has more experience—and good one at that—in relationships. “…Like, sure, he should try harder, but you knew he’s a simple guy. Maybe, he just doesn’t want to do outlandish things but he needs…normal stuff.”

“I’m okay with that, totally!” She replies, looking ahead before puckering up her lips and sighing. “But there needs to be some spice.”

Seola scrunches up her nose at that, groaning. “Oh my God, no. We’re not talking about that together.”

“Not that kind of spice, Seola.” She tells her, tapping her finger against her cheek, trying to come up with that answer of what Hyungwon lacks. He’s funny, even when he doesn’t try, the type to be a bit awkward and yet, somewhat sassy. He’s got attitude, and yet he’s respectful, a sobering experience with his own strict nature, but still calm and serious. She’s liked this for as long as she knows him, but now it’s getting to her nerves. “The kind…you know…the kind that makes me think I really love him.”

“Didn’t you say you told him you loved him for the first time today?” Seola asks, only to have Miwoo sighing.

“Seola, of course she doesn’t mean it.”

Doah is the one to scoff at that. “But why? You were the one that initiated this relationship on the first place.”

“…B—Because…he’s just…he’s…” She’s answerless, looking up at the ceiling in hopes of finding something in the lights. She used to think that forever’s just come in shapes of unexplainable beings, that when someone is speechless it is something to be proud about. She wanted to shut up so badly, thanks to her past relationship, that she now comes short on what she wants to say. “He’s just…Hyungwon, and I don’t want to hurt him.”

Doah, one to say things straight, shakes her head in the matter of seconds. “You’ll hurt him and he’ll hurt you.”

The hand of Miwoo lands against her head. “Don’t say that!”

“They are using each other to get over their exes. Of course, they are not going to find reasons to love each other.” The conspiracy theory that Doah is voicing out has her parting her lips in surprise…because, like, that really isn’t it, right? She smacks her red lips together, reminiscent of how much Hyungwon likes to see her in that shade. She’s over Tsubasa, she just needs to love Hyungwon now— “Don’t get me wrong, you’re one of my best friends, but you need to stop lying to yourself. Hyungwon is in love with Hyunae, you’re in love with Tsubasa.”

“I’m not in love with him!” She replies, sincerity in her tone when she grips her chest. “I really don’t feel an ounce of love for him anymore…I don’t like him anymore, either. I just want to be happy.”

Seola, one that had been quiet for a little bit, rubs the back of her neck when she says: “And who’s to say that’s with Hyungwon?”

“Girls, attention,” Gaining the reigns of the situation once again, one of her legs crosses over the other to feel powerful when she takes her water bottle up to her lips. A sip, that’s all she needs, to relax and forget that this night ever happened. Tsubasa is clearly the bad one in this case…and herself, too, for simply forgetting Hyungwon’s feelings while hers were bursting in absolute delight of being able to go to that company that she has aspired to be part of. “Like, I just know Hyungwon’s the guy I like right now. The one I want. I don’t want to kiss, hug, learn to love or even have sex with anyone else but him. I know that, what I don’t know is what’s wrong with me or my body or my heart…because I can’t seem to tell him I love him as easily as I did with…”

“Tsubasa.” Doah replies, tilting her head to both sides to stop the ache on her neck. “Stop comparing him to Tsubasa and maybe, he’ll get the chance to be loved by you.”

With the weight of Seola’s hand placed on her shoulder, she sighs. “And if Hyungwon makes you happy, he makes us happy. We want nothing more than for you to let go of that toxic relationship and learn how to love someone that…just wants to fall into a routine with you, to love you for who you are.”

Though, it rips at her chest to know that she’s fearful, scared to move and hold him, just to show him that he’s worth of love, too. Perhaps, she was scared of risking another goodbye, another moment in which she’d have to say goodbye to the person she likes…simply because something doesn’t feel right. In this case, however, with the argument that happened this night, she feels as though she may be killing her own relationship, all with the distraction of wanting it to be so perfect…that she’d destroy it in a second without knowing.

The tight grin that caresses her cheeks is barely seen when she breathes out a small, softened: “…He does.” Because, no one would have treated her as nicely as he did, showing her that even the shades of her that were not happy were able to be loved, never pushing, never pulling…simply…being.

Is that kind of compatible with her, though?

Is anyone compatible with her, to start with?

###

The record was beaten three days ago when Hyungwon and herself had broken up for the third time in their relationship.

The periods of time are never too long, if a week at most of being away, perhaps for some not considered as a break but for her…another reminder of why exactly they are not working out. Every day and every night, she questions herself more as to why she makes bad decisions. Why, in the world, is she laying on her couch with her eyes closed, wondering what exactly had gone wrong. Apparently, something within her still holds on to the past, and Hyungwon simply can’t stand with that one bit of insecurity that tells him he’ll always be good but never as good as…

Silently, she had done so, she had brought someone with beaming colors to be a dulling gray color. Now, looking up at her ceiling, the white colors of it being painted in memories, she realizes that her life shouldn’t always be yellow, like the Sun, either. She should have let herself grieve the break-up with Tsubasa, the ache of being used for so many years, let herself heal and love someone else…like herself. She should have looked for a grounding moment in her own hands, instead of having someone else grasping her with love. She should have simply respected the moment of silence that should have gone past after Hyungwon got broken up with, simply because lusting after a man that is probably going through a hard time is not exactly the best of decisions.

Not to say she does not enjoy spending time with Hyungwon, that kissing him in the morning is not the highlight of her days and reuniting with him by the street they always connect in is not one of the reasons she lets the mask of faux happiness fall for one that is more tranquil, because she loves all of those things. She loves when Hyungwon starts his sentences and suddenly shakes his head, as if his idea sounds ridiculous, or when one word from his lips is enough to have her laughing. Specially, she loves when his fingers slot with hers and when his plump lips press to her collarbone, her neck, as if making her shine with a simplistic touch of his.

Even when she argues with him for it, she loves that he continues with the rules…that he absolutely and wholeheartedly believes in going by the right line, but she hates him even more when after this break up, she hears his keys slotting through her doorknob, welcoming him inside her apartment.

Her eyes don’t break away from the ceiling, wanting her life to be blank—white, as if she had never done anything, but instead, she hears the sound of rustling, perhaps from a bag and the noise of Hyungwon’s knees creaking under his weight when he kneels beside her on the couch. His long fingertips splay on top of her stomach, calling for her attention with small pats when he calls her name softly.

It’s up to her to break this up, as it seems.

Because Hyungwon is a creature of familiarity and she is one to push forward, always going for the end-line, to think that happiness is always at the end of every story. This shows in the way he looks at her, months after their initiation as a couple, his plush lips pulled into a smile when their gazes connect, his hair shorter and seeking for her touch when he takes one of her hands in his and brings it up to his face.

“I brought some food for us. Japanese, from our favorite restaurant.” He tells her as a peace offering, and she really wishes she could care less about this situation, but his words alone have her sitting up and shaking her head. Her hands cloud her vision, covering her eyes when she takes some deep breaths. “Hey, I know we were fighting before and we said that we’d be breaking up but—”

“But we really need to, Hyungwon.” She replies, being in this place before and once again, ending it before it gets worse. Perhaps, she really has to work on herself—know, for once, that life is not always about looking to cover the bad with the good, but learning how to improve the bad, slowly but surely, accepting it before it translates into something better. The man is silent when she uncovers her face, looking at her before settling the bag down.

“I know it’s been difficult, but I really love you—”

“And I don’t think I can love you quite as much as you deserve to be loved.” Then, she notices the bouquet of flowers he laid over her coffee table and how the steam of the food surround them, staring at each other for answers when Hyungwon’s shaky and breathy sighs, eyes somehow looking more than monotone, give her an initiative that he is heartbroken.

“You’re being serious with this…” He replies, standing up and saving his hands in the depths of his pockets, looking at her as if she has grown a second head. “…I—”

“Hyungwon, I need you to heal. I need me to heal.” Though, this will only bring more pain, but it’s what’s right. What should have done from the beginning, wait and wait and wait until she was ready to love again. “Just—Listen to me for once. This isn’t about another man, or comparing you, or loving someone more. I feel like I’ve grown…I’ve grown to feel for you, but you don’t love me the way I should and I don’t love you the way you deserve.”

She takes him by the shoulders then, fragile under her hold, broken when, once again, Hyungwon is tossed to the side as if he means nothing. Walking him towards the door, she hears him speak softly. “Oh…I understand…”

The door opens, taking him outside before the tears that are willing to escape her eyes tell her to hold on to him, because only him had been open enough to love her, to understand her even when she was hurting, to let her play her little game of being happy when in reality…she hasn’t been fully in a while. “Just go before I kiss you, okay? I need us to end this tonight.”

Hyungwon looks over his shoulder, asking: “No more getting back together?”

And maybe, she’s a bit egotistic, because she leans forward and presses a fleeting kiss to his lips, wanting to remember the outline of his lips against hers, the way that skin seemed to be made for her…but not in the way it happened. “After this, no.” She tells him, looking at him with a plea in her eyes. “But we’re on good terms, okay? I just think it’s bad that we’re on and off again. I’ve gone through this; I know how it’ll end either way.”

“Alright.” He blinks for a moment, watching her when she closes the door on his face and in a brief second, she’s already looking through the peephole, watching the absolute drain of emotions in his face, eyes looking for solace, lips moving softly when he parts them. Once he turns around again, she watches his fists press onto the wall as if he’s lost a war, holding onto reality. It has been tough on him, broken up by the people he had grown to like, people he was in relationships with…but she’s thinking of how much more happiness she’ll give him once this is over.

Hopefully, there is some for him and some for her. They deserve it, even when it is by themselves.

It’s over.

###

Don’t do it.

But…

No, don’t do it. You’ll break his heart.

But…

When talking to her friends, it’s easy to play it off as some break up. It’s her talent, after all, to simply push her worries away…and some other times, she drops everything on them about how difficult it has been to let go of Hyungwon. Much more when, slowly but surely, she had grown to have some lovely feelings for him. The battle, or rather staring battle, between his contact on her phone have her sighing, pondering as to why she misses him so much…or why she hasn’t deleted his number…or why she feels a pang on her chest when all her pictures with him are deleted from his social media, but from hers it’s almost impossible.

This time at night, he’d still be up. This time at night, she’d be kissing his shoulder and watching a movie with him, helping him grade tests if she’s feeling like him. This time at her life, she’d be learning how to love him, slowly but like a waltz, like the ones she has always wanted to share with him. Reaching out for him would hurt him even more, and maybe she’s giving too much credit to herself by thinking of herself as a heartbreaker, but the reality is that she had broken her own heart too many times. She says she’ll get better, and finally, she does…but when she is on the way there, she always misses the past.

Always. Never. Ever. She has to get rid of those words.

…A text would not hurt, right?

Yet, contacting him again would have her holding onto something that was finished and he’d be the same way. She doesn’t want to burden him, to remember him of how hard he tried before it eventually came falling down—all because she saw the past more than she saw a future. Her fingers hover right above the delete button, images of the first time she saw him in person filling her brain. So kind, sweet, silently so, the one person that had given her more light from the Sun rather than shadowing her in the process. And they made a mess out of that, too much light until they got blinded by their desires of what they wanted out of their relationship.

Somehow, when she finally deletes the number, she thinks she can feel his lips pressing down on hers…or she wishes to be able to hold him, to make him feel loved as she should have loved him in the past, to run towards him and hug him in her arms. Yet, it’s too late. It’s time for her to love herself, rather than loving someone else.

But…

Is he tired?

Is he eating just fine?

Does he miss her, just as much as she misses him?

A sigh leaves her lips, rotating on her bed until she is looking out the window. The Moon blinks back at her, asking for them to be friends, to hold the night as if it is also beautiful enough to be loved and she comes to the conclusion that she only hopes for him to know that she tried. Hard. With all her might. With the love that she had grown to have for him but could never voice out properly in fear of ever…moving on.

In fear of him saying ‘goodbye’, only to be the one that ended up saying it.

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