Tumgik
#the other day i was trying to find a thru line of like when the wretched little man becomes truly my beloved wretched little man
Text
Every time somebody writes Eddie doing something super cool and sexy I have have headcanon two goblin-esque habits for him to keep it even
#eddie munson x reader#hes despicable and im in love with him and hes not sexy unless he has the energy of a weird loser who does weird off putting stuff#and is sometimes shoved into water idk i need my fictional men as sad and pitiful as possible or else im not attracted to them anymore#u say hes like a super kinky dom that gets ass all the time?#i say he hasnt washed his hair in 2 weeks and wears all those layers bc he gets cold very easily and shivers a lot#idk if anybody else is listening to taz ethersea but theres this lil guy called urchin#and he speaks in a high pitched voice and one of the first things he says is im a nasty lil freak just a wild little guy#the other day i was trying to find a thru line of like when the wretched little man becomes truly my beloved wretched little man#and i think its when they get soaked in water against their will#like a baptism of sorts#to really become the kind of character i will think about for several years#just sopping wet in their clothes on the rest of the adventure while they are touching wet denim#which is always bad#anyway#i feel like i always need to end these by saying that this is 100% genuine and said with love but i feel like if u read this far u know#i just have very specific and very bad taste in dudes#ive been rewatching some formative media lately and hoo boy every fuckin one theres like a soaking wet miserable boy#that i was fucking obsessed with#and every time im like oh yeah thats gotta be the origin#and then i see an earlier one and its that one#who was the original horrrible boy that made me this way?#wait#fuck#fuck wait i do know who it is and now i need to go lay down#fucking annakin skywalker#he and padme were my first ship my first queer crush simultaneously#and aparently absolutely instilled the deep love of sad boy cool girl within me#thats the name my friend gave it and she said it so succinctly that i needed a minute bc thats it#cool girl is also a slug woman in her own ways but shes always confident about it at least#anyway thanks ive had this blog for a week and now u know the entire history of my taste in men thanks for coming to my seminar
94 notes · View notes
toytulini · 7 months
Text
can i access the tunglr on work wifi but not discord. insane
#toy txt post#apologies in advance. nonzero chance this means i liveblog The Horrors. of slogging thru work#and or also liveblog. my own going insane over tryimg to remake character playlists now that the characters have evolved enough#that i look at their og playlists like.......what was i thinking#mostly. mostly Bytte#its just#hard to find things that match Bytte or Headloose or both of them and their. fucked up little dynamic both tonally and lyrically?#like in theory i Want to put Shakiras She Wolf on Bytte's playlist. its so iconic and In Theory. it could match. i could force it#in practice........god i dont even know how to expkain how it does not fit Bytte like....tonally and probably not even lyrically#i love bridge city sinners sound and a lot of their lyrics and would love to put them on both playlists but like lyrically and subject wise#theres just.....not much that fits?#i might be willing to try to explain Why It Doesnt Fit if i had more time ? and wasnt just typing in between printing labels..idk#and defining what doesnt work and why might in turn help me find more stuff that Does#i think i need to listen to a little more uhhhhhh. megan thee stallion? is that how u spell her name? for bytte. unsure. its so tricky#like half the shit on her playlist like only a couple lines in the song Really vibe w me idk#i actually just. remade her playlist completely the other day and im less mad at it now but it still could use a lot of improvement#theres not a good like.....flow between the songs? ig?#need to. figure out headloose now also.i think in fairness when i made Bytte's playlist i still hadnt really developed her as a character#much at all yet? idk#im not As Mad at either of Headloose's playlists theres just a bunch i need to add and reorganize and prolly need to trim? and tbh i prolly#need to just honestly make multiple separate playlists for all of them like i did for Suki....#that will be similar and have plenty of overlap but have different nuances for the different eras of their lives#like. idk maybe Bytte needs to just have a Separate playlist for how her approach to and relationship w her sexuality evolves between#how she is as a human and. warlord. and then ig after she is w headloose which#is after she decides to become a demon but before shes fully transformed cos shes not dead yet so the evolution there is still#more subtle until she turns fully. and headloose gets 1) better at controlling the shapeshifting and healing factors and#2) Headloose getting more fucked up kinks. i guess. or learning more of his own fucked up kinks. or whatever#and the influence that has on her as well AND ALSO her like. lowkey toxicity in any attempts at long term rships#due to being a woman in a weird position in a point in history where we probably didnt have a word for aromanticism#...im out of tags. how does this happen everytime
1 note · View note
bukuoshin · 24 days
Text
Btw, my Arnold Palmer hairpin I'm making is so bad that I feel like I should pen a formal apology to the man himself.
Check it out 👇
Tumblr media
Extremely simian-like... Idk how I did this nor how to fix it. Oh, well! He will just be extremely simian-like, I fuckin guess.
#rae rants#i mean. i said im not good at painting faces in the first place. i did say that. but at this scale it's not particularly easy either.#even my nail art brushes were too big for this.#to be clear: they're not finished. i need to add the metallic paint to the tops and the varnish. and two more arnold palmers.#and mayyyybe the word Arizona. for sure on the arnie but idk if I wanna do it on every single one is the thing?#... green tea is there just to make the branding clearer.#i am considering opening my ask box for suggestions on what other arizona cans to do. but also. i would not get them and i know that so.#also i used a bottle instead of a can for the green tea ref and uh. turns out the cam has a blue line at the bottom. but idw do that.#the hardest ones to paint are gonna be the ones w checkerboards. not cuz of the design themselves but cuz.#my paint can be inconsistent even when I DO keep track of how I'm mixing. so I'd have to paint the base color all at the same time.#which means I would have to do all of them on the same day. which means I'd have to dedicate a whole day to like. what? i think its 3 pins?#it's six. and that would probs fill up both of my palettes. if not more fuck me dude#ah. to be clear. after all the painting is done. I'll glue them to hairpins. that's all.#still trying to find the best glue for this stuff. wood glue is what I use for my actual pins. hot glue would probs work fine too#BUT. my hairpins are different. my pins have holes on the back the glue can connect thru. not so on my hairpins.
0 notes
bottombaron · 8 months
Text
So after staring into the middle distance for a couple days I'm ready to start discussing some theories I have before the season finale destroys us. They are all very wide-ranging in absurdity but I'll start with the one that I think has the most substance and therefore I think is most likely to happen. Also, I haven’t caught up with the tag yet so if someone already posted these theories, sorry! 
So here is Theory #1, known otherwise as,
Why (I think) I know how Laszlo is going to unfuck Guillermo
The solution, I believe, was stated at the very end of The Roast by Laszlo himself: 
Tumblr media Tumblr media
FIRST THOUGHT, BEST THOUGHT
Laszlo has spent weeks deeply committed to solving a problem. He's wasted precious time trying to outthink his first (and probably best) solution – and I'm not just talking about his book sorting. Neither was Laszlo, not entirely at least. I actually do think he was focused at least a little bit on his books because that's kind of what happens when you're stuck on a problem. Your brain wanders to other much less taxing ordeals. Usually, as you solve that smaller problem, you find the solution to the thing you really want to solve. 
So what was Laszlo’s first idea?
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
All along Laszlo had the answer but Guillermo told him that he didn't think it would work, so Laszlo just didn't pursue it further. (We don't even know if Laszlo knows the circumstances of the test and why it didn't work. Just that Guillermo didn't approve that idea.) So then Laszlo wasted valuable time and energy trying to ~Science~ this problem instead of using his true best skill that was showcased in episode one of the season: his charm. His powers of persuasion (the classical art of bullshitting, as it were) is his true super power. (Sadly, it’s not science. He doesn't really have the patience for science tbh).
But, no, rly, he should bullshit his way thru this. That's what he does best. He can outthink Nandor easily. (well….maybe. with the time spent on his experiments, Nandor could have the advantage of several weeks, if not months, to figure things out beforehand, as dense as he is) He should concoct a bullshit so impenetrable that it unfucks Guillermo from Derek and refucks him to Nandor. 
Further foreshadowing of this you ask?
Tumblr media
(this whole season is dedicated to ‘plans’ it’s crazy how much A Plan pops up. maybe i’ll dedicate a separate post to collecting them all)
But alas! The test that The Baron did proved this wouldn’t work, right!?
Tumblr media
Well here's some free additional theories to how Laszlo could solve that hiccup:
1. Laszlo figures out (and solves) the reason why The Baron/Neighbor test didn't work in the first place.
There could be any number of factors of why The Baron's neighbor blew up. It could be that The Baron is all that more powerful than the average vampire and so his bite gives an extraordinary fill of uh...vampire-ness? and Derek, being so young and weak, doesn't do much at all. Maybe it has something to do with The Sire. If The Baron was turned by the first being ever affected by vampirism, then maybe that vampirism is slowly depleted the further down the line you go. Derek is probably very far removed from The Sire which means he cannot transfer much of that affliction onwards. Nandor, if he was turned by The Baron (one removed from The Sire) or someone similar, explains how he is so powerful, hopefully tho he wouldn’t have too much power to possibly overwhelm Guillermo's half-a-virgin body (and yes I did like how kinky that sounded when I wrote it). It doesn't really matter the exact reason as long as Laszlo can convince Guillermo to try it and he has a relatively decent chance of surviving it. (convincing Guillermo to go thru with this plan overall is probably going to be the most trouble actually. you don't easily forget a guy exploding in your face)
2. Something to do with the experiments. (or the Nadja’s bait-and-switch tactic she used to catch The Baron/Guillermo from The Roast)
I have a larger theory on the experiments and why I think there's still one in the house, but that's for later. During The Roast, Nandor is pretty convinced that the mutant Guillermo is the real one (despite one pretty big glaring error: he has no glasses. none of the experiments need glasses...), Laszlo might have been testing this theory by having The Baron bring his body to Nandor in the first place in order to see how convinced Nandor would be by it. This might be enough for Laszlo to try to use a duplicate of Guillermo for Nandor to bite. The duplicate will not explode (probably?) due to only being a hybrid of Guillermo's blood and an animal…or something(one) else pretending to be Guillermo… (and if it does, maybe Laszlo plans to shoo Nandor out of the line of sight in order for him not to see. And then you get the angst and drama of Guillermo literally using a scapegoat to take his 'sin' despite his reluctance to hurt innocent creatures)
But will the fake Guillermo actually convince Nandor? It's hard to say, and I love that threat of Nandor realizing that it's not the true Guillermo he bit and feeling even more betrayed. Maybe Laszlo concocts a whole ambiance to the event in order to sell the lie. It has to be special right?
So there's dim lights and candles and (fake) Guillermo is laid out in Nandor's coffin and there's this whole presentation element to it that was left out of Guillermo's turn with Derek. It's more like the fantasy that Guillermo probably always had of being turned by Nandor. It plays out like a romantic love scene. But Guillermo is asleep or has his eyes closed and won't talk or maybe only makes small noises and Nandor's very upset abt this. Laszlo is probably hovering too and Nandor doesn't like that either but Laszlo insists he must be there and it's now it's all awkward and wrong, kind of like how Guillermo felt before he was bit by Derek. (now it’s like Nandor is the bull cucking Laszlo in front of him) Nandor goes thru with it and bites Guillermo and is rushed by Laszlo so he doesn't get to drink or drink too much of his blood and there's fumbling with trying to get his own blood into Guillermo's unresponsive mouth.
Or maybe Nandor finds out because Guillermo's blood is disgusting and he either knows or had hoped it would be good tasting*. or that Guillermo just lays there and there's no reciprocation of desire. But maybe he just doesn't find out and once it's over he expects to be able to lay with Guillermo or otherwise be there for his turning but Laszlo quickly rushes him out of his own room and closes the door behind him.
So now Nandor feels all the same despondency that Guillermo had felt with his turn with Derek. Like this big special moment he's built up for years was a complete dud. Like he missed out on something truly magical and he doesn't know why. And Guillermo will feel like shit too, for tricking Nandor. Laszlo isn't happy either. But it worked and they all just have to live with it. Meanwhile this act that was meant to make Nandor's and Guillermo's bond stronger, only serves to create even greater distance between them. 
Re*: evidence that Guillermo's blood might taste 'different':
Tumblr media
3. ANYWAYS. that was theory two. lets talk about theory 3.
WITCHES.
I actually think there's good reason Laszlo has divorced Science and is now going to have an affair with Magic. It's exactly when Nadja says 'has this hex turned me into an uggo' that Laszlo comes to life and exclaims ‘that's it!’. If science wasn't the solution, maybe magic is. It's not like they don't know some witches, or that, at least to a degree, witches actually have some power. (specifically the power to look, vaguely, like someone else.) I'm not certain of the specifics but there's a chance Laszlo could be turning to magic to solve his problems. This would also bring Nadja's storyline more relevant and in focus for the season. The thing I like the most about this theory? Episode 9 describes being invited to a manor owned by someone named Morrigan. Morrigan is a Celtic goddess of war and fate that was probably the inspiration for Arthurian legendary sorceress, Morgan le Fay. (Laszlo's name may also be connected to Arthurian legend, Lancelot. but that probably doesn't mean anything.)
So! That's my three extra theories attached to this one big theory that Laszlo is going to go 'back to the beginning' and use his first thought to solve this. Go with his gut. His first solution was his best solution, all along.
…He simply needs to convince Nandor to turn Guillermo.
The, uh, details of this plan may be a lot more complicated than it suggests.
453 notes · View notes
allisonlol · 2 years
Note
How about Dazai Fyodor and Nikolai finding their s/o's sex toys 😳😳
a/n: y'all keep hitting me with these smut reqs and i fall for it everytime! also started college back up again today and ugh
warnings: nsfw, sex toys lol, kinda explicit
(Dazai, Fyodor, Nikolai) Finding Their S/O's Sex Toys
Tumblr media
Dazai
so, you and dazai had started dating quite recently and you hadn't felt comfortable yet showing him your...collection
and tbh i don't blame you cuz like how do you even go about telling someone that?? just whip open the drawer and be like "behold"??
so for the time being you decided to keep it a secret, hiding the toys in the bottom drawer of your dresser
but at the same time, dazai was slowly moving himself into your apartment?? doing that thing where they start leaving some of their stuff there until they are gradually fully moved in LOL he ain't slick
^while at work he'd texted you, asking if he could borrow the bottom two drawers of your dresser for his clothes
honestly you weren't thinking too clearly atm and had just replied with a quick "sure!"
no more than five minutes later you see dazai has sent you a photo, and when you open it your heart DROPS
it was a picture of the open drawer with your sex toys and he'd only captioned it with "what's all this, hmm?"
PLS ur too scared to message him back and you spend the rest of your shift shaking until you return home
^once there, this mf is waiting for you
deadass has all the sex toys lined up on the bed. makes you take off ur clothes right away so he can use them all on you <3
probably blindfolds you and makes you try to guess which toy he's using too
Tumblr media
Fyodor
tbh you just never showed him your sex toys cuz you were scared of what he would do to you for having them lol
i mean, fyodor loves to dish out punishments, am i right?? called crime and punishment for a reason
knowing him, he would be disappointed by the fact you were getting off on something other than himself
but nonetheless, that's why you decided to keep it a secret. although...nothing is truly a secret when it comes to fyodor
don't ask me how, but he knew you had them since the start. never commented on it until one day when he'd pretended to "accidentally" find them right in front of you
^on this night, you were sitting in bed on your phone when fyodor got up and just?? started opening random drawers on your dresser??
he's getting closer and closer to the one you keep your toys in and you feel yourself getting increasingly nervous
ur all like "tf are you looking for" and he's just like "i can't seem to find my favorite shirt..." mf you are already wearing it??
fyodor eventually reaches the secret drawer and YANKS that shit open before turning to you with a knowing smirk
you fly out of bed and try to close the drawer, but he grabs your wrist and backs you onto the bed
pls your face is bright red and you are pleading with him to not be upset
he says some "why would i be upset, my dear? now i get to watch you put on a show and use them all for me" <33
yea...you're not getting out easily. fyodor sits at the end of the bed while watching you use each toy on yourself until you are shaking and crying from overstimulation
Tumblr media
Nikolai
so you had been planning to tell nikolai about your little (not so little) collection but hadn't gotten around to it yet
plus he was just so good in bed that you didn't even have a use for the toys anymore... (ᵔ◡ᵔ)
therefore you'd actually forgotten about them for a bit
on this night, you'd decided to clean up your apartment, and was finishing up with your bedroom
nikolai had come over after work right when you were cleaning out the last drawers of your nightstand
you try to get him to help you but instead he's doing some bullshit and poking thru your stuff ofc
you yank open the last drawer of the nightstand and your heart drops when it reveals all the sex toys you'd forgotten about?? smh
you quickly slam the drawer shut which catches nikolai's attention, and it's like he teleports next to you cuz suddenly his arm is around your waist and he's all like "what are you hiding in there, hmm?"
you can't stop the way ur face turns red and that's when he knows something is up
^reaches past you and yanks the drawer open while you're trying to unsuccessfully push him away
nikolai loses it and starts laughing like "THIS is what you were trying to hide??"
he's very open to the idea of sex toys so he instantly gets all excited; meanwhile you're standing in the background like (⦿ᴗ⦿) while he EXAMINES each one
ends up tying your legs open on the bed and spends hours testing them all out on you until ur crying <33
taglist: @deadmitochondria @miycutie @chuuyasboots @shy-socially-awkward-intovert @beandaifuku @stygianoir @sonder-paradise @irethepotato @serenareiss @ashthemadwriter
2K notes · View notes
notsoattractivearenti · 7 months
Text
Start of A New Life (Christian Pulisic x Fem!Reader)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
WC: 4.3K
Warnings: pregnancy, childbirth descriptions, slight mentions of difficulty concieving
A/N: dad!christian for you all!!! this is so not proofread lol. hope you guys enjoy and i’d love to hear your thoughts thru ask/reply/reblog 💗 apologies for any errors! feedbacks are highly appreciated 🤍
Two red lines. “Pregnant - 2-3 weeks”. Another two red lines.
My heart suddenly skips a beat. My hands start shaking and I feel a gasp just leave my mouth. I can’t believe what I’m seeing right now. Is this real? I thought to myself. I have to take another look at all three pregnancy tests that I’m holding on both of my hands just to make sure I didn’t see them wrong and of course, nothing changed. Tears start to fall from my eyes, I am on cloud nine knowing a mini me – or my husband – is growing inside me. It’s happening… It’s really happening! 
Christian and I have always wanted children of our own, and we have been trying for a baby for more than a year. We are well aware that not everyone will get pregnant as soon as they start trying, but honestly, at some point it can be exhausting and painful during the period. We had gone to the doctor, got ourselves checked up and luckily no issues were found, so the doctor just suggested we keep trying and be patient. There were times when we were so close to giving up – I was sick of seeing negative results over and over again – but we reminded ourselves that if it’s meant to be, it will happen when it happens and there are couples who have been trying to conceive way longer than us and still haven't succeeded.
I used to constantly apologize to Christian whenever I got a negative result on the pregnancy test because I felt like the problem was me and I was afraid I could never give him a child – I truly wanted to fulfill one of his lifelong dreams: becoming a father. And every single time Christian would tell me to stop apologizing to him and quit being hard on myself because it was never my fault. I knew he felt disappointed to see a single red line instead of two, but like always, he cared a lot more about my feelings. He never failed to comfort me during those times and would go out of his way just to make me feel better – and I am forever grateful to have such a loving and supportive partner for the rest of my life.
Christian has been in training since this morning – shortly before I found out I’m pregnant – so I decided to plan a special, little way to reveal the grand, long-awaited news before he goes home. I really cannot wait to see his reaction and I’m “positive” it’s going to be the sweetest thing ever. Since he transferred to his new club, he usually comes home from training feeling all happy and pumped up – imagine how he will be when he finds out he’s going to be a dad! My man may not be the most expressive person in the world, but I know no matter how little he would show his emotion on the surface, he is going to feel immense happiness deep inside his heart.
I searched through Pinterest for some references and after a while, I finally made up my mind. I don’t necessarily have good eyes on aesthetics and stuff so I just go for a simple way. I go look for some adorable little pregnancy announcement onesies, a gift box, and a few small decorative pieces so it would at least look cute and pleasing. I arrange the “present” as soon as I get home, put the box on the kitchen counter, and write a note on the outside – it says: “For my special man ♥ ps: no question asked! ;)”.
A few hours later, he finally comes home.
“Y/N, sweetheart, I’m home!”
Usually, I would come to him at the front door, greet him back and we would start sharing about each other’s days. But this time, I’m pretending not to hear him and make myself look busy in the kitchen – even though Christian and I actually cleaned the entire kitchen last night. To be honest, the reason I’m doing this is to cover my nervousness. I know he’s going to be excited but a little part of me worries he would change his mind about having a child after so many failed “attempts”.
“Y/N?” He sounds confused.
He then goes around the house looking for me before eventually finding me in the kitchen. I can hear his footsteps but I keep pretending like I am completely unaware of him. He comes over to me and hugs me from behind, and greets me with kisses – and of course, I act surprised when he does that.
“Hey baby, did you not hear me?”
His raspy, gentle voice gives me chills. It never fails to make me feel weak on my knees. But for now, I have to keep my act together.
“Oh sorry, I got so caught up here washing dishes!”
I’m trying to make an impromptu excuse but I’m pretty sure it sounds really weird to him now. I mean, right now there are no dirty dishes to wash except one mug I currently have in my hands… I just know he is a bit confused.
“Umm, Y/N, didn’t we just wash th-”
“So how was training?” I cut him off before he questions me any further.
“Well, great as always. Tired, sure, but you know…” He pauses to kiss my neck, “whenever I see you after training, I am so recharged right away.”
I bite my bottom lip and feel my cheeks are turning red. Ugh, focus Y/N… Remember the big news you have yet to tell him! I remind myself quietly.
“Recharge? What am I, a phone charger?”
I instantly regret that lame, super unfunny joke I just said. He chuckles, I believe he is just being the supportive partner he always is.
“Okay, yeah, that’s a good one, Mrs. Pulisic.”
“Oh by the way, I think I see something that looks like a gift right over there,” he points to the gift box over the counter, “is that for me?”
“I don’t know… Maybe?”
“What is it?” He straightforwardly asks about it.
“Christian…” I sigh.
“What did I do to deserve it?” He quickly asks again.
I turn around, rolling my eyes at him to show him in a jokey way that his questions annoy me.
“My goodness, Christian, just open the goddamn gift!”
He quickly walks across the room while saying the phrase “What’s in the box? What’s in the box???” repeatedly. I carefully watch every little move he makes – I really want to cherish this moment.
“Awww, baby, am I really your special man?” He cutely pouts and puts his hands over his chest when he reads the notes.
I can’t help but laugh at his adorable face.
When he starts opening the gift box, I can feel my heart jump a little. I subconsciously start fidgeting my fingers and shake my legs – I really am that nervous. I almost certainly know that he’s going to react positively but, what if I could be wrong?
Before I know it, I see him gasping, then has his hands covering his mouth, with both of his eyes widened. He then turns to my direction with the look of disbelief written all over his face.
“Y/N???” His jaw drops and his breath hitches.
“Are we… Are w-” He is really caught off guard by this big news he is losing words for a moment.
“Uhm, sorry, I uh, I wh-” he pauses for a good second before continuing, “Are we having a baby???”
“Yeah…” I excitedly nod in response. “I just found out this morning.”
He then runs back to me, hugs me tight and buries his face in between my neck and shoulder – I can slightly feel his tears over my shoulder.
“You’re going to be a dad, Christian.” I whisper to him.
And just like that, I just made him cry even harder.
“My love…” He sobs. “Thank you… Thank you. I love you!”
He looks down and puts his hand on my tummy, then his eyes go straight into mine.
“It’s a bit surreal thinking about how our child is now growing inside you… You’re unbelievably amazing, Y/N.”
He then kneels in front of my tummy while holding my waists with both his hands, and talks to our growing child.
“Hi little angel, I can’t wait to meet you… I love you so much already.” He kisses my tummy after.
We started telling our family and close friends a few days after the first sonogram. Everyone was so happy for us and has been very lovely and wonderful to us – especially me, of course. Both mine and his family would go all the way to make sure I got everything I need, and the moms have been offering generous help and willingly guiding me through my first pregnancy whenever I need them to.
During the ultrasound, Christian didn’t let go of my hand even for a second and asked the doctor so many questions that I didn’t even think about – apparently the night before he had done his research and I was not aware of that. When we got to see our growing fetus on the screen and listen to their heartbeat, Christian – who usually doesn’t really show his emotions on his face –  became very emotional and it kind of freaked me out. Being a dad is truly one of the biggest dreams he has ever had. Now that it’s really coming true, his emotions are all over the place and because he is not used to experiencing such overflowing emotions, he is still trying his best to manage them. Though I think that is adorable, I just love to make fun of him for it.
“You know, Chris, I’m wondering who the hell is actually with a baby?” I poke fun at his “hormonal” reaction. “Because it’s like your hormones are going crazy while I’m here able to control my emotions.”
“Oh shut up,” he moans, “what’s happening is that my heart is warmer now while yours is still ice cold.” 
My jaw drops at his immediate, clever clap back. Oh how I love sassy Christian!
“Stop it!” I laugh really hard. “That’s a good burn on me, Pulisic!”
Since Christian found out we are expecting, he has been extra attentive, present and caring to me. Though I appreciate it greatly, it can be too much sometimes. Therefore I would ask him to back down a bit and thankfully he never fails to understand that I still need my space.
No matter how busy he might be, he never wants to miss going to every doctor appointment. He also always pays very good attention to our baby’s development – he even has a binder made specifically for it. He gets excited all the time when the baby kicks, and when the baby is kicking so hard he would talk to my tummy.
“Sweetheart, please be good in there. Don’t hurt Mommy, okay?”
“My little angel, don’t kick Mommy’s tummy that hard, please. Let’s not make Mommy feel hurt.”
He always communicates with the baby and every time, they would respond to Christian. It’s like they have bonded really well even before they meet, and the thought of him being so close with our child really melts my heart.
He loves taking pictures of my growing bump. Every single time he would tell me I look really beautiful while carrying our child, and my reaction would either be thanking him shyly or telling him to shut the crap – depending on my mood that day, really. Pregnancy has given me mood swings lately I can’t even predict how I would be feeling that day whenever a new day starts. But Christian has always had a lot of patience and I admire how he would perfectly handle me no matter how good or bad my mood might be. Yeah, he is without a doubt going to be the best parent and I can’t wait to witness it.
We decided to not find out about our baby’s sex because we want to surprise ourselves. Besides, we really don’t care if we’re having a boy or a girl. We don’t want to set certain expectations especially when it comes to their sex or gender because all we care about is that they’re healthy and come to this world all safe and sound. Although, we have prepared some names – but we don’t feel like making the final decision before the baby is actually born.
Today I woke up at 4 in the morning to a cramp on my stomach – a bit similar to the menstrual cramps I used to have at the beginning of my period. It comes and goes irregularly, and at first I got scared thinking something bad might be happening. But then I remember what my doctor had explained before: the cramp might be a sign of early labor. I then wake Christian up, letting him know I am possibly entering the early labor stage. When I tell him about it, his eyes widen all of the sudden and he slightly jumps off the bed.
“Wha- Y/N should we just get you to the hospital right now???” He sounds so worried.
“No, I don’t think so. Let’s just time each contraction and when the contraction interval is around 5 to 7 minutes, then we can go.”
I have to explain it calmly because he is visibly alarmed. Even after I do so he is still looking so tense.
“Chris, I’m alright. You can relax for now.” I assure him.
“Okay,” he takes a deep breath before continuing, ”if you say so.”
Almost 15 hours later, the contractions start to come closer apart and when I check my phone, the interval of last contraction to current contraction is 5 minutes, so I tell Christian that it is finally time to go to the hospital. Already dressed, he immediately grabs the car keys and sets up some blankets on the passenger’s seat in case my water breaks. After that, he goes back into the house to grab hospital bags then puts them in the trunk of our car. Not long after, he sees me struggling to get into the car, so he gently helps me and once I get in, he makes sure I am sitting comfortably before locking all the doors at our house.
“Okay, everything is set, now it’s time to go.” He says as he starts the car.
He looks at me for a second and gives me a kiss on my forehead before he takes the wheel.
“Let’s go have a baby, shall we?”
The midwife informs me that I’m now 10 centimeters dilated, meaning it is finally time to push. I am still in incredible pain and genuinely terrified to do so because I don’t know if I can still bear the pain while pushing a full-sized human baby out of my vagina. Also, I have heard about this thing called “ring of fire” – it’s the strong burning sensation that you will experience when your baby is crowning – and now that it’s about to happen, I can’t stop thinking about it. While getting into the birthing position, I turn to Christian who is standing next to me.
“Christian, I’m scared…” I whimper. “I don’t know if I can do this…”
Hearing what I say truly breaks his heart. He hates knowing I’m scared yet he can’t do anything about it except giving me the encouragement he knows I need. He then looks deep into my eyes, smiling at me while caressing my hair, with his other hand holding mine tight.
“Yes you can, my love.” He softly says.
“You are the strongest person I have ever known so I know you know you absolutely can! It’s okay to be scared but baby, I’m here.” He kisses my forehead. “Let’s go meet our little angel, yeah?”
I nod and take some deep breaths to prepare myself. Then I let the doctor know I’m ready and they immediately tell me to start pushing.
One push, two pushes, those were not so bad. Starting from third push, it starts to feel very, very painful.
“You’re doing great my love!”
He is basically being my ultimate cheerleader the whole time. He doesn’t let go of my hand no matter how hard I might grip his hand. He says he doesn’t feel a thing though I know he is lying his butt off for my benefit.
“Chris this hurts so bad…” I bawl, squeezing his hand hard. “This really hurt…”
His eyes suddenly become all teary. He can no longer hide his ache seeing the woman he loves greatly has to endure unthinkable pain to bring his child into the world.
“My love I’m sorry…” He weeps. “I’m sorry you have to go through this… But sweetheart you know you can keep going, a few more pushes and our baby is here…”
I keep pushing even though at some point I didn’t feel like I could do it anymore. But having Christian there gives me the strength I need during the birthing process.
“Y/N, let’s give one big final push!” Says the doctor.
“Uh, yeah, okay…” I say to them as my breath hitches.
I’m already very exhausted but unfortunately there’s no way I can stop. I can feel my baby is crowning and this “ring of fire” sensation is no joke – so when the doctor told me to do one final push all I can think of is that this pain will be over soon.
“C’mon sweetheart! You can do this!”
I hear a loud crying from my baby.
“Congratulations, it’s a girl!” The doctor excitedly announces.
“Oh my God, honey, we have a daughter!” I turn to Christian and see him already flooded with tears.
“Our little princess…” He sobs. “One more beautiful girl for me to love for the rest of my life.”
Christian and I can’t stop looking at our newborn daughter. 
“Chris, look at her… She’s so tiny.”
“These little fingers are the cutest.”
She wraps Christian’s forefinger with her entire hand.
“She has your lips, Y/N.” He points out. 
“Yeah… But she mostly has your features so I was basically just an oven!” I jokily grunt.
“Well you know it isn’t my fault that my genes are more prominent, is it?” he playfully replies, “I’m just that good.”
I roll my eyes, pretending to be irritated.
“Smug butthead.”
“Hey, watch your words, Mommy!” 
Christian got me laughing and blushing. He just reminds me that I’m a mom now! It feels like we just had the talk about growing our family yesterday and the next thing I know I am now in a hospital, just giving birth to our sweet little angel who is sleeping peacefully in my arms at this moment. This still doesn’t feel real… Our lives are now officially changed forever and I couldn’t imagine mine before her.
“Hey,” Christian wraps his arms around me and rests his head on my shoulder, then whispers, “I love you.”
I have not stopped smiling and I can feel my smile getting wider.
“I love you.” I reply.
“You’re my everything, Y/N.” He adds.
“Oh no, you’re about to say some sappy monologue aren't you?”
“Yeah, here it comes…”.
Before he says his little speech he kisses me on the cheeks.
“Y/N… I can never thank you enough. You have made my dreams come true and I still don’t know why I deserve you in the first place! Thank you for making my life a lot more perfect than I ever imagined.”
I’m starting to sob.
“Christian…”
“I hated seeing you in so much pain just to bring her into the world.” He continues. “I wish it was me instead… But you continue to amaze me with your strength. And now, I love you so much more – more than I ever love anyone, even myself. Ever since you came into my life you have changed my world for the better. I never wanted to live my life with anyone else but you, and I’m beyond grateful we have a beautiful child together.”
“I will take good care of my girls for as long as I live…” His voice starts to shake. “I love you. I love you so much. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Y/N.”
Tears immediately streaming down my face. I just gave birth so my hormones are all over the place, and his beautiful speech doesn’t help. He got me speechless and extremely emotional.
“Ugh,” I jokingly grunt as I wipe my tears with my hand, “how dare you make me cry, Pulisic.”
And suddenly we see our baby giving us her first big smile – it’s like she is reacting to all the love and emotions her parents are experiencing right now!
“Awwwww!” Christian and I make the same sound in unison.
And of course, it makes me cry even harder. Christian is emotional too, by the way, but not as messed up as I am currently. He grabs some tissues and gently wipes my face – which is all wet thanks to the river of tears – with them right away as I am still holding our daughter.
“Y/N, my love, I don’t think you will ever stop crying from now on, no?” He laughs.
“Obviously not!”
“So, have you two decided on baby girl’s name?”
Christian and I instantly look at each other when the nurse asks that question. As I said, we have prepared some names for our baby but we have yet to choose the perfect name for her. Christian then grabs a piece of paper with the list of names from his pocket and as soon as the nurse leaves the room, we start discussing right away.
“Okay, uh… Which one do you love the most, Y/N?”
“I don’t know, Chris,” I reply, “there are too many options.”
“Well you can’t say you don’t know,” Christian sighs, “we have to pick two.”
An idea suddenly passes through my head.
“Why don’t we try this out: we say any name we each feel perfectly fitting for her at the same time. What do you think?” I suggest.
“Yeah okay, it’s worth a try.” He agrees.
“Alright, let’s say it in the count of three.” I instruct him.
“One, two, three…”
“Dylan!”
“Emery?”
He didn't sound sure at first, but then changed his mind immediately. “Oh, I like both names!”
“Dylan Emery Pulisic… It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”
I agree with him. I look at our little bundle of joy in my arms and I just know those names were made for her.
“Yeah, that’s definitely her name.”
Even though we are now taking care of our newborn together, Christian did have to  fight just to get enough paternity leave. It was not easy for him because Dylan was born in the middle of the season and he is one of the most crucial players for the team, but he really wanted to take care of his daughter especially during the first few weeks of her life. Not only that, he feels like I have done so much already and he wants to also take care of you while you recover from the whole pregnancy and childbirth periods. He wouldn’t even mind getting less playing time when he comes back, because in his own words: “Now my priorities are my girls, football is much less important than both of you.”
Before Dylan was born, Christian had been practicing basically everything to prepare him for fatherhood. He can change the diapers, clean and bathe the baby, perfectly wrap her, he knows how to help soothe the baby, burp her after feeding – anything, really. He truly is excited to embrace this new life as a parent.
Dylan’s first week at home was hard, I had to adjust my sleeping schedule because until she’s a bit older I have to feed her every 2-3 hours and it messes up my sleeping. Not only that, she would loudly scream and cry all of the sudden and it mostly happens in the middle of the night. But Christian is always there, ready to help no matter how tired he might be – it’s a bare minimum but not all dads would be very hands-on like him – and I’m beyond grateful I don’t have to do everything alone. We always stay up late together, like when I have to feed Dylan at 12 AM and 3 AM. Most of the time, when we heard Dylan crying in the other room, he would tell me to go back to sleep and offer to take care of her. I would see them from the baby monitor and I’m telling you, he truly is the best dad. Seeing him being so loving to our daughter makes me already think about having another baby… But obviously both of us want to focus on raising Dylan so we decided to put the conversation on hold until Dylan is old enough to be a big sister.
Two weeks after Dylan came into the world, Christian decides it is time to introduce her to everyone at Milanello. So he brings both of us to the training grounds and shows her off to the staff and players. The club even got Dylan a mini home jersey kit as a way to welcome her to the Milan family.
One of his teammates greets us the second we get into the dressing room and ask about his current state. And to be honest, Christian’s heartfelt answer to it reminds me how lucky I am that I get to do this parenthood journey with him.
“Christian, hey! How are you feeling now, bro?
“Well I am a husband and a brand new father, so from now on I will always be feeling a lot happier than I have ever been. I am now on the start of a new life, thanks to my amazing, beautiful girls.”
taglist: @pulisicsgirl @neverinadream @swimmingismywholelife @chilwellspulisic @bracedes @lovelynikol16 @thoseboysinblue @lizzypotter14 @masonsrem @landoslover
222 notes · View notes
shayyprasad · 4 months
Text
weighing scale
tw: eating disorder (purging, not eating), bodyshaming, ed shaming
btw, if it's requested, i can turn drabbles into full oneshots!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you guys are beautiful the way you are, and nothing anybody ever says or does will ever change that. remember that gaining weight is totally normal, and you can always lose weight, too, but please, do it in a healthy way. if you ever need anyone to talk to, and this isn't just for eds, i'm here, and you can reach out. if not, there are people who care about you and love you.
you're amazing you beautiful mfs
(also i'm sorry if this might not be correct for you, everyone has different experiences with eds)
(also, also, i did 1st person ... and this is just the way i thought when i was going thru this so i kinda made it relate w/ me??)
100.
98.
96.
she watched as the numbers went down, satisfied despite the fact that it was only one pound less yesterday.
90.
88.
even if it meant that she'd always be cold, or that her hair would fall out. it was a small price to pay to be beautiful. to be skinny. to be like all the other girls that peter liked.
y/n kept telling herself that. and it was enough to keep her going.
{four weeks prior}
(first person)
they had little packets for us to take home, like forms. something along the lines of "annual health check-up." the form was just... well, it wasn't a form, really, but more of an opt-out. the paper said they'd just check weight, height, and some other things, like make sure you didn't have scoliosis.
honestly?
i was just happy to be missing a good chunk of math.
everyone got called down to the gym by period, and mine was 5th period, right before lunch.
our class was waiting for them to call us down, so mr. callen just let us do whatever until then. i glanced over to see liz, kayla, and chloe in the corner of the classroom, giggling and pointing towards some of the boys, and eventually, mr. callen.
he was one of the youngest members on faculty, fresh out of college. and i'll admit, he's not bad looking. in fact, he's hotter than most of the guys. and if it wasn't peter that had my heart, maybe i'd think about someone else.
not that the whole peter thing was going great anyways, he seemed interested in liz. so maybe that was my hint to move on. but i don't know. i've just liked him forever, it'd feel wrong to stop now.
i'm just really loyal, i guess.
or maybe this is some weird first love/crush thing, because no matter what, i keep finding myself coming back to him.
it took me second to realize that i'd been staring at the same spot for a while now, so i probably looked funny. i re-adjusted my position and looked at the clock, noting there there was just a few minutes until we'd have to go down.
i looked by at the girls, then at the teacher. did they not realize that he had an engagement ring on? or where they just dense?
because honestly, i'm having a hard time figuring out which one it is.
liz pushed chloe over to the desk, giggling like a manic.
chloe bit her lip, trying to hold in laughter. "hiiii, cal. you know, like, cupid's day is coming?"
me, personally, i didn't really believe in the whole dumb blonde thing, but chloe was changing my aspect on this.
cupid's day was on valentine's day, and you could pay a dollar to have a rose delivered to someone. normally, the freshmen girls did most of the planning. freshmen girls were annoying. they were always together, and i didn't remember a time i'd seen one alone.
i didn't get any on my first year here. last year i got three. but it didn't really count, because mj got me one and betty did. i was hoping that i'd figure out who the third person was, but three weeks into that investigation, i kinda gave up. if they hadn't revealed themselves to me at that point, i'd figured that they probably wouldn't.
maybe junior year will go better.
if you were popular popular, you got at least seven, so it was kind of embarrasing to only get one. and it was probably even more embarrasing to only have, like, one friend. which was betty. but she hadn't hung around me that often since she started dating ned.
mj was an observer, and i knew that much. it was probably the only reason she got me a rose, because she felt bad. but then again, anyone could see how pathetic it was.
peter and i used to be pretty close, but then he met ned, so the attention he gave me got halved.
i would have tried to be friends with ned, because i know he's really nice, but i stressed out too much about it for some reason and gave up. social anxiety, perhaps? it didn't matter, it was too late to do anything about it now.
after that, peter started hanging around liz and some of the other popular kids, and entirely forgot about me.
did forget about ned, though. maybe beacuse i was a girl, and so peter got called "gay" a lot for that. i didn't have much of a chance compared to liz, so i just admired him from afar. it's not that we didn't talk, because we did sometimes, but... actually, i don't know what.
if peter wanted to, he would have.
and it's fairly obvious, but i'm delusional and chose to ignore that.
the intercom snapped me out of whatever zoning out i'd gone back to, "block d, block d. i-is this on? oh, it is? i- yes, block d down to the gym."
everyone got up and pushed their way out the door, i didn't have that type of energy, so i just waited for everyone to get their butts outta the way and then went myself. i followed them down to the hall, staying behind a little. when i finally got over there, i ended up last, right behind chloe, kayla, then liz.
for the most part, it only took a minute or two for each person, so the line didn't take that long.
well, i suppose that's subjective.
it took 15 minutes, but whatever.
when liz was inside, she didn't take care to close the door all the way, leaving it a couple inches open. that's on her.
that's on her for being irresponsible, so it's not really my fault if i accidently hear. i leaned in a little, suddenly very interested in the wall, with all it's cracks... and... paint, and...
"and step on the scale, please... that is," she paused, and you could hear scribbling of a pen.
"121.3 pounds. perfectly healthy. that's actually the average weight for girls your age," another pause, "make sure to give this form to your parents. have a nice day."
liz said something in return and i stepped back, done admiring the wall. "next!" the lady called in.
i stepped inside the room, and it smelt strongly of hand-sanitizer. "okay, honey, step up against the wall... height is... alrightly. now the scale, please."
i did as she asked, keeping my eyes trained on the numbers.
149.7 pounds. basically 150. that was more than liz's, right?
"149, okay, you're good to go-"
"is that around average weight?" i asked, and it was impulsive, i didn't even think.
"well, it's somewhere around that. you're perfectly healthy."
the intercom came on again, signaling my time was over, and the lady thought the same thing, because she ushered me out.
as i walked back to the classroom, i couldn't help but think;
149? no, 150? around average? so basically, i was above average. 30 pounds heavier than liz? no wonder peter likes liz better.
god, that's disgusting. i'm disgusting.
i trudged back to class, unable to stop thinking about it. and suddenly, an idea popped into my mind; why not lose weight? if i lost a little, maybe peter would care about me again.
that's genius. god, i'm a genius.
yeah. i lose a little weight.
when i got back, he'd already started the lesson, not that i cared. i spent the rest of that class figuring out the kinks, like how many calories i'm allowed to eat per day.
i settled on 800.
it seemed like a decent number if i wanted to actually make an impact with weight loss.
stupid kale smoothies weren't gonna get me anywhere, nor idiotic influencer workout routines.
before i knew it, the bell rung and kids were hustling through the hallways. i was kind of on autopilot as i walked to lunch, not really watching where i was going. i'd by mistake shouldered some people, and they gave me dirty looks. i shot them right back.
i couldn't help but silently, in my mind, judge everyone's body that i saw. and not just their body, but other physical features, too. it was automatic, i didn't even mean to. but i couldn't help it.
she's really fat. the gym exists for a reason.
how is she so skinny? i know she's anorexic.
and it just went on and on.
i didn't know what was going on. why this mattered to me all of a sudden.
it was like i didn't notice these things before, i wasn't looking for them, but now that i knew they were there, i couldn't help it.
i couldn't help a lot of things.
when i walked into the lunchroom, i saw peter sitting by himself, writing on some piece of paper, and if i knew him, he wasn't doing the homework due tomorrow.
he was doing yesterday's.
it didn't seem like i'd be bothering him if i went to go talk to him, so that's what i did. i figured since we hadn't talked in while, it would be great to now.
and it'd be a great distraction, too.
i sat down across from him, "hi, peter."
he looked up slowly, a smile rising on his face. "uh, hey, y/n/n," peter paused, "what, um, what did you need?"
"huh? oh, i didn't need anything. just thought i'd come by and annoy the hell out of you."
"just like old times," peter snorted.
"math homework?"
"yep. i have math-"
"-next period," i realized my mistake after i made it. "um, 'cause i see you when i'm walking to class."
in repsonse, he nodded like he was considering it.
i didn't notice i was hungry until my stomach growled, but something inside of me made the thought of getting food and eating it repulsive. i hesitated before grabbing on of peter's fries and popping it in my mouth. he didn't say anything, or really even care, and i didn't know if i liked that or not.
"okay. you have chem next, yeah?"
i blushed at the fact he knew.
"uh, yep," i snagged some more fries, feeling myself loosen up.
and then i realized, that's what this was; i was just in need of some time with actual people who weren't my parents.
i liked this. i liked talking to peter. it was easy. this was easy.
we laughed about some other things, like flash's new donkey haircut.
and i stole more fries. ned, betty, and mj (who normally sat two seats away) came over. the topic of cupid's day came up.
"how many do you think you'll get?" betty asked.
i looked up, "roses?"
"uh-huh."
ned spoke up, "you won't need to worry, bet, i'll get you a whole bouquet." he looked proud of himself.
"i'm not worried," she giggled, like the lovesick fool she was. it was gross. and yes i admit, it was slightly because i was jealous, but whatever. betty didn't have to act so idiotic and desperate.
betty's skinny, too.
"what about you, y/n?" peter said, locking eyes with me.
"i dunno. i never really get any."
something changed in peter's expression, but as soon as it was there, it was gone.
i took another fry. they were really good, for some reason.
"fattie," peter laughed, pulling his lunch tray back, "and then you complain about not getting roses!"
that caused a round of laughs in the small group, but my heart dropped to my feet.
i was right. i was overweight. even peter noticed.
freaking peter noticed.
god, i was ugly and fat, and even peter saw that.
of course he liked liz. he'd be crazy not to. she was curvy and skinny and petite and pretty and skinny.
she was skinny.
i didn't have her hourglass figure.
never did i ever want out of my own skin more.
"y/n?" pete frowned. "i-i'm sorry, it was a joke, i didn't-"
"no, no, not that. i, uh, i... forgot i was supposed to meet with a teacher. sorry. i have to go."
i didn't go to any teachers.
i did go to the bathroom.
and i hid in the handicapped stall. i didn't cry, or sob, or weep or whatever it was stupid girls did in hallmark movies or stuff.
i stood in front of the mirror and picked out everything i hated, making a mental list in my head.
i didn't finish that list, not even after 30 minutes when the bell rung.
-
the rest of the day flew by rather quickly, it seemed. i felt like i was trapped in a warm haze, but not the fuzzy, happy warmth. i didn't like the way i was thinking. it's like i wanted my brain to turn off, these intruding, ugly thoughts were taking up too much room.
i felt icky.
when i got home, i didn't have my normal after-school snack like i usually did. i went straight upstairs and did homework.
i finished two essays (one that wasn't due until two weeks, and one that was due two days from now), my math homework and studied for my math test, started my science project, and did my french flashcards (and studied them a bit).
i must have been locked in my room for hours, because by the time i got up, it was dark outside.
i wasn't a studious person, and the only reason i did any of this was to forget for a little while. to snap out of it. and for a while, it worked.
"y/n, honey!" my mom screamed from downstairs, and as i glanced at the clock, i realized it was time to have dinner.
but i wasn't hungry.
well, i was.
let me rephrase that; i didn't want to eat.
however, i didn't want my mother yelling at me, so i went down anyways. not that i was planning to eat.
"mom?"
"oh, hey. i already set the table, you seemed like you were working hard and i didn't wanna bother you. dad's working late. go sit down-"
"not hungry."
she frowned. "well, you have to eat something."
"but i'm not hungry," i said, hating how sharply it came out.
my mom gave me warning look. "look, i've had a long day, so don't start with me."
"mommmm," i whined.
"sit."
so i did. i felt bad about bothering her.
i ate. small, tentative bites, forcing it all down. we didn't talk.
silently, i put my dish in the sink, before heading upstairs. the food sat at the bottom of my stomach, like a pile of heavy rocks. i wanted them out.
so i turned on the shower and locked the bathroom door, kneeling in front of the toilet. i pressed my fingers to the back of my throat and kept them there for a second. at first, all i got was bile.
but then i threw up.
-
peter and i started talking more again. i think he got in a fight with liz.
i asked him if they were dating, and he said no.
i think he started hanging out with me again because i got skinny. i know for a fact that i'm skinnier than liz. i weigh less then her now.
the numbers told me that.
but i didn't listen.
i didn't stop, and how could i? when i'd gotten this far?
-
we got in a fight. not the yelling kind, though. well, kind of. i yelled a bit.
i thought he was complimenting me. he said i looked skinny, so i thanked him.
"no... i-" he paused, trying to get his thoughts together, "you look skinny, yes, but not in a good way."
"what? what do you mean? like, there's only a good way," i laughed, slightly nervous.
peter ingnored that. "have you been eating enough, angel?" his voice was soft, but there was worry in it. why was he worried? this is the best i've ever been.
"do you ask liz that, too?"
"i- what?"
"liz is skinny. you don't ask her that."
"that- that is different. y-you haven't been eating, have you? is-"
"god, parker! stop! it's none of your business!" maybe if i hadn't been so flustered, i'd have come up with a better comeback.
-
i was hunched over the toilet, but nothing was coming out. everything hurt.
my head. my stomach.
my throat was scratchy and raw.
i didn't hear the knocking on the door.
i don't really remember peter coming in. i thought i locked it. what was he doing at my house? i couldn't remember.
i wanted to sleep.
i think i was crying. i don't know. i only vaguely remember the hot tears.
i slightly remember him pulling me away from the toilet and into his arms. there were lots of holes in my memory for that day.
he stayed with me, though. one thing i'm sure about is that peter never left my side. i can recall bright lights. tubes. i was laying on something. white walls. white sheets.
what was engraved into my head was peter whispering "i love you" over and over again. in the bathroom. in the car. was it a car? as they hooked me up to cables.
all that mattered, though, was that i was skinny now. just the thought made me feel light and airy.
to think that all it took was a little motivation and a weighing scale.
87 notes · View notes
galaxywarp · 8 months
Text
(please like if you read. and it would mean a lot to me if you read.)
————————
My body and my mind have been sick lately
So my sleep schedule has been fucked.
3am is a normal time to wake.
And just before the sun rises,
I find a couple of dollars
And I put some gas in my tank and I buy a cheap iced coffee,
And I drive and I watch the sun come up
While I listen to music that makes my friends sad.
And as I’m standing at the pump and overdrawing my bank account to put a few dollars of gas in my car,
And my speakers are playing a song about wanting to kill my father with a baseball bat,
I see a man around my age walking towards the gas station,
From out of the shadows of the distant sidewalk
Into the harsh light.
And he’s wearing an oversized sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants and he’s walking alone through the dark to a gas station at 5 in the morning to buy a lighter
And some part of me registers that this is a man who others may feel nervous about him approaching them through the darkness.
But in him I see myself.
And I miss being a meth addict.
And I miss his world. And I miss dragging myself, dirty and beaten, to the nearest gas station at 5 in the morning with loose change in my pocket to buy myself a lighter so that I can smoke my meth pipe.
And I get back in my car that’s still playing a song about wanting to kill my father with a baseball bat.
And I try to think about what it is I’m missing.
And I think of rooms of faces,
Painful, terrible, beautiful faces,
Where every person there understands exactly what it’s like to be at a gas station at 5 in the morning listening to a song about wanting to kill your father with a baseball bat.
And you don’t have to think about it.
You don’t have to talk about it.
They just hand you a pipe
And a lighter
And the pain goes away.
And I drive to pick up my iced coffee
And I don’t feel as bad about the iced coffee as I thought I would.
It’s only two dollars, after all.
And it’s easy to find two dollars, even when you have nothing else.
You can find two dollars in a lot of places.
In your couch.
In old jacket pockets.
In the kindness of a stranger.
And I’ve been hoarding loose change for years.
I keep it in my grandpa’s old ammunition box from the war.
The box where I keep one of the shells from the guns they fired at his and grandma’s funeral.
The box where I keep a dirty rusty nail that someone gave me in rehab.
Someone who didn’t make it, but I did.
The box where I keep the smooth pretty blue stone that the other patients passed around on my last day, that they held close to their hearts as they wished me strength on my journey. As they told me that I was strong and that I was going to make it.
And it’s the box where I keep my loose change
For iced coffee
And meth lighters.
It’s easy to find two dollars.
Your mom will give you two dollars
If you tell her it’s for iced coffee
And not meth lighters.
Your mom will give you two dollars
If you promise it’s not to kill yourself.
And in the drive thru the girl asks me to please wait a moment, she has to refill the coffee.
And I tell her it’s okay, really, no rush.
And she thanks me
And tells me she appreciates me.
And I think about all the jobs I’ve had
Where I had to ask a customer to please wait a moment
So I could do something important
Like refill the coffee
Or use heroin in the bathroom.
And when she hands me my iced coffee I say thank you
And I tell her “I appreciate you too”.
And I see her face fall, briefly,
As she is stunned by my words
Taken aback by this brief, fleeting moment of genuine kindness and connection.
And just as quickly she smiles at me
Truly smiles
And says thank you.
And I hurry and drive away, so she can deal with the rest of the cars in line
Many of which are running late for work
And who will blame her for it.
And I take my drive.
And I watch the sun rise.
And I listen to music that makes my friends sad.
And when I come home
I wash down my antidepressants with what’s left of my iced coffee
And I think about how I don’t miss being a meth addict.
I am a meth addict
Without his pipe.
169 notes · View notes
BestFriend!Chishiya
Tumblr media
Minors, do not read! Contains mentions of smutty behavior!
MASTERLIST (up-to-date)
This is Part 3 !!HERE!! is Part 1 !!HERE!! is Part 2 !!HERE!! is Part 4
Tumblr media
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Alice in Borderland/Imawa no Kuni no Alice characters or original stories, only the plot of this fanfic. Alice in Borderland/Imawa no Kuni no Alice characters and original storyline belong to Haro Aso, who made the Manga the Series is based on.
Tumblr media
Trigger Warning: Explicit Smut in later Parts, both Characters are Teens, Slight Toxic Behavior, Complicated Consensual/Not-Consensual Behavior Summery: Chishiya x Female Reader
BestFriend!Chishiya reads your texts. Excuses, he thinks. He sees right thru you. Instead of calling you out on your lie, he writes back, typing fast, but taking a moment before sending. After all, you shouldn’t know how long he waited, thinking that he might has taken a step too far too soon with you.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: No probs
BestFriend!Chishiya writes his message as casual as possible. You on the other hand feel encouraged thru the distance to speak your mind. Or at least clearer than before.
YOU: Do you feel different since then?
BestFriend!Chishiya smiles at your question and how fast you come back to the topic, you literally ran away from. It only confirms his assumption that he still lingers in your mind, even after you left his home and with that, him. Too bad, he thought back then. He wasn’t done with you for the day, but your shy manner to this topic and the fact that you are pretty much new to all of that, lets him forgive you. After all, a mouse will always run away from a cat, when backed into a corner. Or at least try.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Not much BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You?
You are surprised how fast you type your answer and how honest you allow yourself to be, knowing he is on the other line, reading every word. But not having to look him straight at his handsome and sometimes intimidating features, gives you the freedom to breach the case, without looking for the next exit. How brave you are. Society should really give medals to people like you, for finding courage in situations like this. Seriously!
YOU: Yes YOU: A lot YOU: I feel like something changed, but I can’t say what and I feel a little bit crazy, because you don’t YOU: I know it’s not right, cause that’s how you feel and I am in no way entitled to something, but I can’t stop thinking this way
It takes BestFriend!Chishiya a while to reply and you realize how hard your fingers tremble, when you almost can’t read your own words on the blue display. It doesn’t help. If at all, it only makes you feel worse. Nerves stretched and about to rip, your screen shakes rhythmic to the beat of your heart. How pathetic you must look. It makes you roll your eyes at your own behavior.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Sorry I guess BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I do feel bad that my actions have led to you feeling that way
Lie
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And I feel even worse that you thought you couldn’t communicate this with me
Another Lie.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I guess I was selfish after all, to ask something like that. It was just curiosity that got the best of me, and I thought I was right to ask this of you, after your agreement.
This is half true.
BestFriend!Chishiya knows he acted selfish, but he does believes that what he made you do was also in your best interest. It was out of question, that at one point in your friendship, you would become aware of the males surrounding you and whatever your eyes lay first on other man or on him, would change the way your relationship would go on or die off, because BestFriend!Chishiya isn’t the kind of person who shares people he holds close. Never has and never will be. No, he is truly selfish, so if some other guy would catch your attention first, he was confident the jealousy inside of him would make him cut you off, just so he wouldn’t have to deal with that piece of scum next to you. That attention seeker. A pollution to the world on two legs, he knows that already. By approaching you first and with that also the topic, with doing what he did, he redirected your path towards him.
You now grew aware of the man around. Your eyes definitely set on him first, what was half the win, and your mind now does too. So, in some way, to keep your friendship and with that, you, he had no other choice. Things do make sense from his perspective and if you were just as smart as him, BestFriend!Chishiya was sure you would agree, but thankfully you aren’t because BestFriend!Chishiya likes to be the smartest in the room. He likes how he could make you do things, stupid things, embarrassing things, because someone smart wouldn’t do that. Someone smart would try to compete with him, what was in some way, kind of interesting, but BestFriend!Chishiya felt himself always getting bored fast when it became evident, the other person couldn’t keep up with him, so he likes how simple you were. Simple, not stupid.
Stupid people tend to get angry when they realize how much smarter BestFriend!Chishiya is and how he likes to let his ego show and flaunt that genius of him. Arrogance was something, other people very obviously disliked on him, but you don’t. Never did. You except it and even went along with him all the times he rubbed it under your nose. Something simple people do, but smart ones would never be able to. He wants to keep you for that and so, after recognizing your change, had to adapt to it. And so he did.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: The effect, thought it was entertaining for me, obviously wasn’t as much for you, but I didn’t bring it up, though I saw how you had to work with yourself and again, I’m sorry for that
That is, in some way, true again. BestFriend!Chishiya did enjoy how worked up you got all by yourself and now he feels a little bit bad. Tho not enough to change anything, if he could.
YOU: Its ok YOU: I guess YOU: It’s just as much my fault like it is yours. I will be honest with you, cause you deserve it for being with me. I won’t lie and say I didn’t like what you did YOU: But I know it won’t change anything you feel so if it makes you uncomfortable, I will stop talking about it YOU: Nevertheless I also ask of you to stop teasing me with it if that’s the case, cause, in some way, I guess it brings my hopes up, there is something more YOU: Could be something more YOU: Yet… YOU: I did like it, I guess YOU: Tho it scared me too YOU: Wanting to see more YOU: Of you YOU: Again YOU: Sorry if that’s weird YOU: Could you just say something YOU: I don’t know where we are standing right now YOU: Chishiya? YOU: ??? YOU: Please say something YOU: I’m sorry okay, I will stop talking and asking about it YOU: Just say something YOU: I’m so afraid now, that I have destroyed our friendship YOU: Chishiya please, say something YOU: Anything YOU: PLEASE!!!
You are on the verge of tears and BestFriend!Chishiya has probably no idea. Or he doesn’t care. You don’t know. This whole thing is uncharted territory for you, and you feel so overwhelmed and left alone to deal with it all by yourself.
YOU: Chishiya please YOU: Say something YOU: Don’t ignore me YOU: I don’t know what to do
Fingers type so fast and still. It was more than 10 Minutes ago that BestFriend!Chishiya wrote you last. Sobs form in your throat, right next to that big knot that, for now, keeps you from crying out loud or making any other sounds. The final Bing sound catches you off guard and you look at your screen only for a blurred picture to appear. The security options of your phone needs you to agree with a tap on the picture that you wanted to download and see it. This way, unnecessary dick picturesof strangers and unknown numbers wouldn’t and couldn’t infiltrate your storage. You tap on the picture, curiosity almost completely drowning out the despair you felt moments ago.
And there it was, IS, the reason for your security settings, popping up right in front of you. A dick pic.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Sorry it took me so long to reply. It’s impossible to write and get hard at the same time BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But here it is BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: My answer BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Hope you like it, because it’s all for you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Wasn’t that easy to get it up without help BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I imagined your hand jerking me off instead of mine BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Wish I asked you to do it back then BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: We could have had so much fun BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And all those headaches and worries would have never happened BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: However BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Let’s forget that, cause here it is BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: All standing up proud for you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Damn, I’m leaking all over the bed, hope you don’t mind the mess BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Next time, the mess could be all over you, if you like BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Wanna try that out?
Another picture announces itself and you tap on it, again, this time with shaky hands, missing the file 2 times. Your breath is going so fast, if you don’t calm down the next few minutes, passing out is a logic high possibility to happen. You look at the now unblurred photo and stop breathing completely. Without any doubt. You didn’t misjudged the first pictures content and the second one proofed it only again. This was, without any doubt, intended. It is BestFriend!Chishiya cock. Again! On this occasion, his fingers are wrapped around it, seemingly stroking himself and a milky white goo spread from the tip down, covering parts of the stiff flesh.
You glance at the clock, sighing as your now fully awake eyes make out the time. It’s too late, your parents wouldn’t let you out of the house and you aren’t fully sure if you really should even follow your first instinct and get to BestFriend!Chishiya house as fast as possible, but you still write back, needing to correct your answer since you misspelled every second word, because of your twitching fingers and your body flooding with oxygen, all due to your lungs inhaling and exhaling at a record speed.
YOU: I want to YOU: I believe YOU: Yes I do YOU: I guess
You add the last message hesitantly, since your fingers type faster than your mind embraces the meaning of his words. BestFriend!Chishiya on the other hand, smirks satisfied. Of course, you do. After that little confession of yours, your answer was so predictable. And he likes it.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I want that too BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Want to cum on you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Where would you let me if I was with you right now BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Do you wish to be with me too?
YOU: I do YOU: To be honest I wanted to go over, but my parents would say no
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: It’s better that way BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Too dangerous for you out there at night BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Just imagine what could happen to you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: What I could do to you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: If you were out right now BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Mhmm…my mind is going crazy
You rub your thighs at each other, creating the least bit of friction, hearing his voice in your mind, low and rough while reading every message. You have never touched yourself, never tried to, never thought about it. The tingling between your legs and the way your stomach tenses at every oh so filthy word. It is new but somehow welcome. However, you don’t know how to deal with it. Should you tell BestFriend!Chishiya?
YOU: Mine too YOU: I feel weird YOU: In a good way, I think YOU: But I don’t know how to handle it
Gosh you sound so much like a virgin, but you can’t help it. It’s not a lie tho. You are. And all of the things BestFriend!Chishiya creates in you, arose with his words and pictures. You feel dirty but also good, like that’s exactly how things should be. A small voice in your mind warns you to be careful. Things proceed way too fast. Get out of hand. To paddle back before you do something stupid. But the want in you, the need that wets your underwear, his name on the verge of your lips. It drows out all the logic thinking and with that also all the red flags. You feel particularly bold asking the next question.
YOU: Maybe another pic could help me with that
BestFriend!Chishiya laughs out loud. Thankfully he is alone at home. The only benefit of uncaring parents. His father is on some gala somewhere. BestFriend!Chishiya doesn’t care about him. But he does care if anyone can witness the grunts leaving his throat while he pumps his meat at a steady pace. Up and down. Again, and again. In a rhythmic circling round motion. It feels so good. Better, knowing you are actually on the other line, awake, encouraging him with the content of your messages, just like he does with his. Especially with the photos. The flash of a camera lights up the room for a moment, before he sends the picture to you, and you open it with furious want, chest heaving and audibly filled with excitement.
It is BestFriend!Chishiya erection on full display. This time his hand was open in the picture, palm up, showing the sticky mess on it proudly, followed by a message of him.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You didn’t answer my question from before
YOU: Which one? YOU: Another one please?
And BestFriend!Chishiya follows your begging. In the picture, he fumbles with his balls, presenting them to you, while the angry red tip leaks more and more precum over his fist.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Where you want me to cum BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: On your stomach? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Your thighs? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Or maybe on your chest? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Your breasts were so smooth and soft BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You moaned when I touched them BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Then again, so was your ass BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You yelped so nice, when I gave it a little slap BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Did you like it? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Your ass did BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: That cheek was all red BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: So angry BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I could see my handprint on it
YOU: You can do it wherever you want
This is such a dirty invitation from you. Weren’t you so pure and innocent just days ago and now you tell your best friend to ejaculate on your body wherever he pleases. That was so wrong, but the thought of it sounds all nice in your head and it excites you to see it. Feel it. To have BestFriend!Chishiya touch you more with his hand. Places even he hasn’t had his fingers yet.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Damn, how nice of you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Shit, my load isn’t big enough for your whole body BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But I’m sure I will find a place just right for the first one BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And if you ask me nicely BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Like really nicely BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I may can offer a second one
Your mind is blown away of how talkative your usually so laconic friend is. Only using more when BestFriend!Chishiya lectures you about your wrong grammar and missing algebra knowledge. His chatty behavior lights something inside of you and you just have to ask, afraid it could destroy the good mood. But you have to know it.
YOU: Chishiya YOU: May I ask something…off topic?
BestFriend!Chishiya is a little disappointed from the turn of events, but it isn’t like he has the monopoly on this situation, so of course he agrees, slightly unnerved and frustrated, his hand working his best part slower, so his mind has more blood to think straight.
YOU: Did you lie to me?
That throws BestFriend!Chishiya off. Yes, of course he did, but what part of his behavior makes you think this way?
YOU: About what changed for you?
BestFriend!Chishiya sighs, relieved that’s what you ask about, but also annoyed, cause this conversation now may take some precious time he could enjoy differently. He sighs.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Yes BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I did BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Sorry about that
YOU: Are you really sorry?
BestFriend!Chishiya bites his tongue, weighing his options. His head falls back and hits the headboard of the bedframe with a small thud. Another Bing sound follows the last heavy one. BestFriend!Chishiya lowers his gaze from the ceiling to his phones screen.
YOU: Be honest YOU: I won’t judge you YOU: Or be mad YOU: I promise
BestFriend!Chishiya types fast but concentrated, what is slightly difficult, given the fact, he only can use one hand for this task. The other one is still busy pleasuring him and there was no way he would stop. Not unless it becomes clear, the good time was over. Even if he has to blue ball himself. Knowing you are there, fully aware of his actions and even encourage him, turns him on so much. It feels so way better than all the other times at night, with your face and body next to him, but unable to enjoy his act with you.
BestFriend!Chishiya is still unsure if it was a good idea to share the truth, but he has a feeling, you already knew it, so denying it further, would only anger you and with that destroy this moment and maybe even future following ones. He couldn’t let that happen. Not after everything he did to get this far. All the things he said.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I am not sorry BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I feel like I should apologize again for that, but that would only be just another lie
YOU: I see
There are a few moments of silence were none of you write something and BestFriend!Chishiya already thinks he choose the wrong route, but the Bing sound announces you were still into the conversation and with that, still with him. BestFriend!Chishiya exhales in relief.
YOU: When you asked for me to undress, were your intentions really what you said? YOU: Research reasons
Now it is on BestFriend!Chishiya to hesitate. He feels his approach may has been a mistake. Or maybe you aren’t just as clueless as he thought. It was likelier that over the time with him, you have captured a few of his habits and were now able to read some of his intentions. However, without the fast coming of his messages and his mind being literally in his pants, he could have seen how obvious he became. Just like you. The situations proceeding way too hasty and that likely thru you off, knowing that BestFriend!Chishiya is a man who first considers things carefully and well before acting on them.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: No BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I lied there too BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Not sorry about that either BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But sorry you caught on it
BestFriend!Chishiya decides to stay honest and answer your questions. Hopefully, clearing all your worries and doubts with it. The opposite would be a devastating option that he doesn’t want to think about. But he did it anyway. It was a reflex. A natural trait of his brain. The way he thought and what made him so extraordinary. His character and quick wit, coupled with the fact that he just can't turn his mind off for even a second. A curse or blessing? Sometimes it’s both at the same time.
YOU: So it was a trick YOU: You knew what you were doing the whole time YOU: It was your intention to confuse me like you did and get me into that situation?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Yes
YOU: All of it?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Yes, again.
YOU: Touche YOU: I know you are a genius, but such a mastermind? YOU: I’m surprised I fell for I so easily
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I’m not
YOU: Why?
Bestfriend!Chishiya can practically hear your annoyed scoffing, knowing very well that his blatant showoff of just how much smarter he is, sometimes makes you want to roll your eyes and hit him on his shoulder, while still giggling amused.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Because I planned it carefully for some time now BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Should have worked out without the need of any back-up-plans BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I see my mistake here, now BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Are you angry with me?
You wanted to say yes, but you think your answer thru instead, before typing it, taking your sweet time and hoping BestFriend!Chishiya is feeling even the tiniest bit of remorse, or at least he is sweating waiting for your answer. You aren’t really mad with him. Did he play you like a puppet? Yes. Did he lead you on his way to have you probably at his mercy? Likely. Was it selfish and unconsidered towards you? Oh yeah, but were any of his intentions malicious and aimed to harm you? You don’t think so and after all, you know what you got yourself into when you kept your friendship with BestFriend!Chishiya up. He isn’t like any other person you know. Never was. So it was kind of obvious that your friendship would be different too. After all that, did you really had a right to be angry with him? Even upset when he did nothing else than what he usually did? Playing with you, but this time to a different degree than normally?
YOU: I’m not YOU: I guess, you are you after all YOU: Always have been YOU: And in some way, always will be YOU: I think I am just surprised it went like this YOU: However YOU: Before I go on with anything YOU: Before we go on YOU: I have to know something
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And that is?
YOU: Be honest YOU: Okay? YOU: I feel like I will be able to tell if you aren’t YOU: So try not to lie
This feels uncomfortably heavy and serious.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Alright
YOU: Did you do this to play with me? YOU: Is this a game? YOU: Or do you want more?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: More?
YOU: Than just having fun with me YOU: You know, fooling around YOU: And such
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Why is that important?
YOU: I don’t want to get the wrong idea YOU: And in the long run YOU: Get hurt or something
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I see
YOU: I guess, I want to know where I am standing YOU: But also, where you are standing
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I understand
YOU: And?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I don’t believe my answer will be sufficient enough BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But I will try my best to be as honest as possible BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Since that’s what you asked
He really was trying, but Bestfriend!Chishiya wasn’t the kind of person that is able to understand and place is emotions as good as most people. Even dealing with them was always a hard task and most of the time, he was partly thankful that you informed him of times where he has been particularly cruel or mean towards other. Bestfriend!Chishiya knows how to play others, but himself? That was a completely different topic and a difficult one most of the time. It wasn’t like he felt bad after treating the people around him like scum and dirt and using them to his advance. Neither was it a problem. At least not always. But humans do tend to take things personally and act resentful. You informing him about his behavior, added immensely positively to his observation skills. You make him human. That said, isn’t it your fault he mislead you into this situation?
YOU: I did
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: In return BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You can’t be mad at me for how I feel BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Right?
YOU: Of course not! YOU: You are allowed to feel as much or as less as you do YOU: I just don’t want to be played YOU: Not right now YOU: You have my permission to go on like before, when it comes to other things YOU: But not right now YOU: Okay?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Agreed
YOU: So…
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I believe, I didn’t want to lose you
YOU: You might wanna retaliate a little YOU: Cause, as you know YOU: Only one of us is on the advance level of understanding things YOU: And that is not me
BestFriend!Chishiya smiles honestly. It is so you to joke in a serious conversation like this. Always trying to lighten up the mood. Always fun. Another thing he likes about you. Why he keeps you close. You benefit him so much.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: It’s obvious that at some point in your life, you would have gotten interested in the other gender BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You didn’t seem like someone interested in females BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: So I believed it to be man BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: What meant, that one day BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Sooner or later BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You would become more aware of your femininity BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And likely BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: with that BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: also interested in sex
YOU: That makes sense YOU: Somehow YOU: But… YOU: Not the following
BestFriend!Chishiya hesitates again. His mouth feels dry, and he licked his lips to wet those at least.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I did
YOU: What did you?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Became aware of your femininity
YOU: Oh
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I can’t tell you when exactly it happened BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I believe this to be your next question?
YOU: Yes
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Well, I can’t BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: All I can tell you is, I suddenly saw you with different eyes BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You changed in mine BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And I felt different towards you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But that was okay BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I had it controlled BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Until I realized that you too will start to see man differently BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: More sexually BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And I thought to force that situation for the right time BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: At a place I can control BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And one I am sure to have your attention BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Will surely give me the upper hand of it
BestFriend!Chishiya takes a deep breath. He straightens his shoulders for the next message.
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And it did
YOU: My eyes were on you
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Right
YOU: Attention too
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Exactly
YOU: You got what you wanted
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I guess you could say that BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Thought, this wasn’t part of my plan
YOU: So, it wasn’t a game? YOU: You weren’t playing with me?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Life is a game
YOU: Chishiya…
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I guess, no
YOU: Okay YOU: I get it
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Any other questions? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: The mood is ruined anyway BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Might as well proceed
YOU: And squeeze you like you squeezed yourself? YOU: Like a tube of toothpaste? YOU: Pun intended
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Sure BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: If that’s what you prefer BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Your joke was terrible by the way BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: But luckily for you I am smarter BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And understood it
YOU: Doesn’t this mean, you are actually not smarter than me? YOU: But on my level? YOU: At least when it comes to this topic
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: No
YOU: I got you!
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You are wrong
YOU: See, I feel different about that YOU: I believe I am right YOU: And given the fact that you tried to get me laid YOU: To get into my pants YOU: Oh you are so on my level
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Your ego is so atrocious BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And non-existent BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Like your braincells
YOU: So you only like me for my body YOU: But not my brain?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: There are parts of your character I appreciate BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And I never said the last part BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: You are making that up
YOU: You said you feel attracted to me YOU: Don’t deny it now YOU: Its out in the blue!
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Never said that BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I simply stated that I felt differently about you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Everything else is just your imagination
YOU: The denial!YOU: The awakening! YOU: In your pants!!!
BestFriend!Chishiya: Now you are just being childish.
YOU: But you do find me attractive YOU: Do you?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I believe I agreed to be honest on the previous topic BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Not on this one
YOU: That day YOU: You know which one YOU: You said, all you see is just meat and bones YOU: That hurt YOU: I don’t know why YOU: But it did YOU: I guess after all you told me to do YOU: And your hands, you know where YOU: I don’t know why YOU: But it hurt to hear it
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: It was a lie BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I do feel attracted to you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Physically
YOU: Really? YOU: You are not just saying this?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I do feel sorry now that it pained you BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: It was my intention, back then, to play you in my direction BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: And for that BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I needed to toy with your emotions BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: However BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I do feel bad now
YOU: If you could go back YOU: Would you change it?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: No
YOU: Not at all? YOU: Anything?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Seeing that you have found me out BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: My true intentions BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I would change one decision
YOU: And that is?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I would fuck you in the bathtub right then
YOU: … YOU: How romantic
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Do I come over as a romantic person?
YOU: I don’t know YOU: Sending dick pics in a serious conversation YOU: When I am all here YOU: Pouring out my heart and shit YOU: Is kinda romantic don’t you think?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: If that is your understanding of romance BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I believe, I could be BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Right now
YOU: Are you still up?
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I am writing you or not? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: This is not a robot BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: I verify I am human
You giggle at his kind of humor, typing back with your cheeks blushing heavily.
YOU: That’s not what I meant YOU: Smarty pants…
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: So?
YOU: I meant down there!
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Are you seriously having problems asking me if I still have an erection BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: After everything? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Nudes and all
YOU: Haven’t got an answer yet YOU: And yes
BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Want proof to clarify? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Another picture? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: Is this your way of asking for one? BESTFRIEND!CHISHIYA: How dirty
165 notes · View notes
noisyghost · 10 days
Note
Ooo you fed me so well, I wasn’t even sure if I would get answers! So now I’m gonna try my hand at asking who bit Ark, what happened?! This is so juicy (rubbing my gremlin hands together).
oh rest assured, I will answer any and all OC related questions with overwhelming fervor and I will not be cool about it at all <3
The person that bit Ark was Josie! She's what the girlies like to call "a hot mess" <3
im so sorry this reply is so long. I started typing and kept failing to summarize things until it was. way too many paragraphs lmao. TLDR; Ark and Mira were attempting to rescue a woman named Josie who'd basically been manipulated into servitude by a very shitty guy. Josie also happens to be a werewolf. At some point during the attempted rescue, Josie had to watch someone she cared about a lot be killed, and she immediately wolfed out and attacked everyone around her, including Ark <3
I did not proofread this after typing it and it's 1am so i'm sorry if some things dont line up correctly, im stupid :)
Josie got bit when she was 18 on a camping trip with friends and it subsequently ruined her life. She survived bc a monster hunter killed the werewolf before it killed her, but she still got bit and ended up running away from home bc the aforementioned monster hunter told her to (it was either "run away and never come back" or "im killing you right now for real") everyone in her family thinks she died except her sister, Rose, who saw it happen and - upon never finding the body - spent the next 10 or so years looking for her.
Because Josie never really had anyone to explain to her what was going on, or support her in any way, she spent a lot of time alone, and subsequently fell into some pretty dark places. She eventually finds herself stuck in a monster fighting ring bc shes been conditioned to think that this is literally all shes good for. At the very least, she makes "good friends" with another werewolf girl stuck in the same spot as her named Cleo and theyre basically the only thing keeping each other alive for the next couple years.
At some point in all this, her sister Rose manages to track her down, but worried about her and her sisters safety, gets in contact with Mira (who is functionally the lynchpin holding the entire cities supernatural community together whether anyone knows it or not lmao) to ask for help rescuing her from the guy basically keeping her prisoner.
Aforementioned guy keeping these monster girls prisoner was named Dekker, and he was basically the scum of the earth. He dealt in monsters and magic and took advantage of a lot of peoples inability to get help (EX: 'you're a werewolf. what are you gonna do? who's gonna help you? no one. theyll just think you're crazy, and then youll end up killing innocent people because you're a monster and that's what you do). Josie and Cleo were his favorite girls and he showboated them around as both arm candy and bodyguards.
The thing with Mira and her work is that she likes to help people as best she can, but she's not like. A superhero with all the latest tech. She's a woman with a smartphone and a handful of 30 year old weirdo friends that share a group chat where someone will text "do we have plans this weekend?" and then someone will reply 3 days later with "i forgot what day it was". They're not exactly the justice league.
All they were trying to do was find Josie and rescue her for her sister. Mira has a lot of power and can do a lot of things, but this Dekker guy was notoriously slippery, and no amount of brute force was going to get them into one of these monster fights without notifying Dekker and giving him a chance to escape with the girls.
So, after tracking down one of these fights, the plan was to sneak in, find Josie and then convince her to leave with them. Originally, it was just supposed to be Mira doing all the legwork. But Ark, who was going thru a fucking crisis of identity at the time and also saw a lot of his own sister in Rose, essentially demands Mira lets him help under the guise of "I'm human, I'm way less likely to draw unwanted attention". Esp since Mira is a 6'4" goddess who attracts attention everywhere she goes lmao (Of note, they had several friends who also urged Ark to Not Volunteer To Do This, but outside factors made it unrealistic for this plan to work without getting caught with anyone other than Ark oops).
So Ark went in to find Josie and Mira was anxiously playing support, ready to rush in and save him if need be. And, to be fair, he did in fact find Josie! He told her who he was and who sent him here (Rose) and told her all she had to do was go find Mira and she would get her out. But Josie was skeptical and, frankly, afraid. She didn't believe that Mira had the power to keep her safe from Dekker, but she also didn't want to believe that her sister had been looking for her for 10 years because she was so disgusted with herself she would have preferred her sister just think she was dead!
However - Cleo, who was with Josie, did not share her fears. Cleo had had Enough, and wanted to run away with her. Josie panicked, afraid that if they ran, they were going to be hunted down and everyone involved with her was going to be killed.
So she ran away to a back room to calm down. Cleo went after her, and Ark kind of followed, but at a distance. Cleo did manage to get her settled a little, but the both of them got caught by Dekker, who harassed Josie into admitting that there was someone there trying to get them to leave, hoping he would respect the honesty. He did not.
To try and mitigate some of the flack, Cleo claimed she was the one the guy was talking to, so he would chew her out instead. Josie and Cleo both felt bad that they'd fucked this guy over, but if he was with someone as powerful as he claimed to be, he'd be alright, surely?
Apparently this was not the first time Cleo has been distant from Dekker recently. It was clear she wasn't as afraid of him as he thought she should be. So he made the executive decision to make an example out of her.
The thing about werewolves and the full moon is this: the full moon is the only time when a werewolf is forced to turn. However, they can technically turn whenever if you supply enough trauma. For Josie, that line was watching Dekker kill the only person she'd loved in the last decade.
He'd expected her to fall in line because that's what she'd been doing for the last few years. He didn't really know what Cleo had meant to her, so he hadn't expected any retaliation. But something snapped in her brain and everything kinda went red.
Josie's a particularly large werewolf - at least 13'; there's a reason she was a fighting champion - so when a beast like that gets let loose in a relatively small arena, things tend to go bad fast! She just blindly started tearing people apart (including Dekker, of course).
Ark had heard the muffled gunshots over the music and the crowd and he just went in on instinct, knowing immediately he was fucked regardless of what he did. Things escalated very quickly after that. It couldn't have been more than 30 seconds that passed inbetween Josie wolfing out and her clamping her teeth into his shoulder. And maybe it was just a moment of grief-stricken clarity, but she wavered just slightly - what the fuck was she doing? She hated him because he'd tried to help and if he'd never shown up, they would be fine. But Cleo had trusted him without a doubt, like she just intrinsically knew something about him. And no matter how much she hated him in that moment, It's not what Cleo would have wanted. Dekker was dead.
Josie gently let go of him, mostly sure it wouldn't matter because he'd die either way. She took Cleo's body and she fled. Mira saw Ark, and she saw Josie run - she could choose one or the other. She, of course, chose to help Ark, immediately struck with the guilt of knowing that he was here because she couldn't talk him out of it, and because she thought she'd be strong enough to keep him safe anyway.
The next couple weeks are a blur for everyone. Mira hates Josie and she hates Rose for coming to her in the first place. Ark hates himself, mostly, because he was tired of being the weak little human everyone had to dote on so he decided to get in over his head playing hero. Well, at least he didnt have to worry about the human part any more.
Josie buried Cleo in the woods. She marked the grave and visits often.
Anyway.
Would you believe me if I told you this very sad series of events somehow ends in Ark marrying a professional wrestler? Or Josie going on to become a lawyer with a house-husband who is also part demon? Because it somehow gets much, much weirder.
25 notes · View notes
koogl001 · 2 years
Text
Wrong Target
Requested by: ❤️ @oyasumimosura ❤️ May I please request some Stolas x wife! Reader? An Au where Stolas got into a healthy relationship with someone who loves him for who he is. Perhaps the reader rescued Stolas when they were little since she’s more athletic and catches him before he could hit the ground, they both didn’t know that they will soon be married. While (y/n)’s sister which is Stella doesn’t like Stolas that much and even abuses him whenever she’s away. That one time when they were adults when she caught Stella about to slap Stolas she was very angry with Stella that she banned her from coming into her home. In the end, Stella did hire Striker who ended up killing (y/n) while she was protecting Octavia. Like I need some angst where Stolas came home and looked so happy but to find the house was messy. He finds Octavia crying and beside her was (y/n)’s lifeless body.
One-Shots and Headcanons Masterlist
Tumblr media
“Oh dear, you should have seen him. Stolas of the Ars Goetia, the Great Prince of Hell, stuck in a tree not knowing how to get down. He was gripping it as if it was his life line. I thought at the time that he was the biggest drama queen I have ever seen, and look at him now, I was so right!”  
Octavia heartily laughed with me as I draped the covers over her and with a quick kiss on the forehead, I bid her sweet dreams. I joined Stolas at the balcony with a blanket and tea to relax.  
“So my dear, what were you telling our little owlet that made your laughter carry all the way here?” 
We snuggled under the blanket, enjoying the peacefulness of each other's company. Being a parent was harder than you could have imagined, but the best thing that ever happened in your life. Your side of the family was not ideal, with an overly dramatic and cold older brother and an aggressive and jealous twin sister.  
“I was just telling our little princess how we first met, love.”  
I caressed my husband's cheek, closely inspecting it and finding a red handprint on it.  
“Dear Lucifer, whatever happened to you?”  
“Nothing my Calytrix, you needn't worry about me.” 
His eyes avoided mine and from the tone of his voice, I could tell he was not sincere with me. Yet pushing him would make him even more uncomfortable, which you didn’t want. With worry still evident in your eyes, you rested your head on his shoulder, slowly falling into dream land.  
“Enough!” 
You shouted, catching Stella’s hand as it was about to connect with the already reddened cheek of your husband. You always knew your sister was a confrontational person, but to resort to violence, much less trying to hurt her own brother-in-law was outrageous. You certainly didn’t expect to see the two fighting when you returned from your play-date with Octavia and Charlie.  
“I will not tolerate violence in this household! Leave, and never come back!”  
I sent Stella a deadly glare as she smashed the door behind her strongly enough it almost came out of its hinges. Oh, how blind you were. Suddenly all those marks and occasional bruises Stolas sported made so much sense.  
“Come love, I need to tend to your wounds.”  
Gently grabbing his hand, I led Stolas to our bedroom. As I wept, begging for forgiveness for being so naïve and blind to the situation, we spent the rest of the day in each other's embrace.  
“I don’t care who you have to go thru, make it happen!” 
Stella shouted at the phone. Her sister dared to go against her, which was a grave mistake. She would not have her killed, no. She would have her suffer seeing the deaths of all those she held close, starting with her husband and her own child. A fate worse than death.  
“Understood.” 
“Starfire, Starflower, wherever are you hiding?” 
Stolas exclaimed, walking into his home. In order to have a relaxing afternoon with his family after what happened, he personaly went and booked the Loo Loo Land for a whole day only for his two darlings. They could enjoy the rides without having to wait in lines, win prizes, watch a private clown show and eat as many sweets as they would like.  
“Love?” 
He continued walking towards Octavia’s room, hearing slight noises emerging from within. As he carefully opened the door, his heart stopped. His little princess was crying hunched over a body. Your body.  
“(Y/N)!” 
Your cold corpse sprawled on the floor, a massive wound right through the heart, blood everywhere. This is wrong. This can’t be. This is not REAL! Stolas fell on his knees next to his daughter, screaming with all his power.  
“(Y/N)…"  
He took Octavia into his arms, taking her out of the room.  
“I failed to kill the right target. It won’t happen again.” 
A pale imp reported to his employer without a care in the world.  
“It better not...” 
634 notes · View notes
duckytree · 1 year
Note
sorry if this was asked before. how did you learn to draw? also I'm so in love with your style like I've never seen anything like it. It's so beautiful. There's something about the eyes. they're always so full of emotion. and the way you make hair flow, and how the mouths move feels just so real. You can capture emotion insanely well. every line and scribble adds to it. It inspires me. I hope I can one day also convey this well
hello! thx for the ask
i’m self taught so i sorta just figured things out lol. i don’t have a lot of technical abilities since i rely on observation and practice so i mainly draw for fun
around 12 i was obsessed with the idea of developing an art style and would go thru youtube and find one i like, imitate it, and try to draw everything with it. word of advice: art styles are fluid and change as you get better at art. rn i don’t feel like i have a style, but you guys seem to find my art distinctive which is great.
this is art from when i was maybe 11 (i’d just gotten into anime and fell in love with tomoe from kamisama kiss so all my characters where white foxes haha) vs 16 (id stopped playing genshin at around 15 but i saw itto and fell in love again)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
emotions are tricky and i don’t know what i’m doing half the time, so i just adjust until it looks right. best advice is to mess around and don’t be scared to make things ugly. here is my favourite bird for reference:
Tumblr media
other artists are good studies and milestone goals to aid you in your art journey, but ur art is ur own, so don’t use us as a measure of what constitutes as good.
i know u didn’t ask for advice but some other people have been asking me this as well so i figured i’d share. a lot of you will even surpass me and i’ll be looking to your art for reference one day. the fanart i get is absolutely gorgeous
i believe in you!
157 notes · View notes
lewsnumerounofan · 1 year
Text
when in france (lh x reader)
Tumblr media
summary: you bump into your ex, lewis, at a club in france. what’s the worst that could happen?
notes: nswf, ex-relationship, unprotected sex, oral (m/f receiving), little bit o’ angst, 4.6k words, not edited
+ check out other works here
+ switched the tense halfway thru again. but im too lazy to change it rn!!! sry!
---
“Lewis is here.”
You don’t hear your friend the first time she says it, the club’s music too loud in your ears. But she presses herself up against you the second time, puts her cheek alongside yours and you feel the shape of his name in her mouth as she yells.
Lewis.
You hadn’t expected him here. Sure, it was the night after a big victory -- a Mercedes two-three finish (not that you’d been watching) -- but from what you’d heard he wasn’t partying these days. He keeps to himself, were the words your mutual friend had used. You didn’t ask about him after that, didn’t want to remind yourself that you were no longer familiar with Lewis’ life, with the little things he did.
You pull your head up from the tight-packed dance floor and try to find him -- the tight braids, strong shoulders. And sure enough there is, being led up the wall-mounted staircase to the VIP area. Even from a distance you can see the heavy black cargos, the flimsy white tank top barely covering his shoulders, the dark press of his tattoos underneath.
“He’s so fine,” your friend murmurs. You turn, letting your shoulder shove into hers. Trying to slow your breathing, calm yourself. Lewis is here, in the same club as you. So close, and-
“He’s looking at you.”
“What?”
You whip back to your friend, but she’s suddenly busy dancing with a blue-haired girl, sending you a guilty kiss as the two move away. Some friend.
So it’s just you who has to turn back to where you know Lewis stands, remembering suddenly the time you surprised him by flying in for family Christmas. How his mother had grinned and shushed you at the front door, how he’d started smiling as soon as he’d seen you, how warm his hands had been wrapping under your stupid holiday sweater. You’re here, he’d said. But that had been months ago, before your promotion meant you could no longer spare weekends to watch his races, before he started calling you hammered from parties, other women's voices shrill in the background, before he stopped calling at all.
But when you look Lewis isn’t there. The stairs are empty, the glint of his jewellery nowhere to be found. Probably for the best, you think.
Probably for the best.
-
You manage to work back in with some people you’d met in line, joining them in another round of shots. By now everything is starting to feel a bit hazy, tingly, loose. A tall Frenchman presses at your back, his murmur low in your ear. You can’t hear him, laugh, continue dancing. Lewis is almost passed from your head. One more drink and you’re sure to be clear of him, one more… You part from your companions again, narrowly escaping the hands of your dance partner.
“I’m just gonna get another drink, be right back. Promise.”
Clumsily you make it to the bar, heave yourself onto the counter, admire the sea-glass collection of liquor bottles stacked along the shelves. Your head is slowing down a bit and your feet hurt. You order from the bartender and make to pull out your card when a thick British accent speaks from over your shoulder.
“Make it two. And you can add it to my tab, thanks.”
Lewis.
You let the heavy wood bar press into your back as you turned to face him. The same markings of facial hair at his jaw and above his lip, the same glittering stud in his nose. Same warm brown eyes, even the same chain at his neck -- the chain you’d given him after the horrible season end in Abu Dhabi. Still I Rise carved in small lettering on the private metal beside his neck.
“Hi. I was looking for you,” he says, easy, like the last time you saw each other wasn’t when you packed up your things and moved out of his apartment.
“You found me,” you say, because there’s nothing else to say and the club lighting is throwing soft shadows over his shoulders, his arms. He looks older than you remembered, more mature. You’re not sure how you get the words out -- your throat feels tight, your heart taking up all the room in your body.
Behind you the bartender sets down your drinks and you don’t give yourself time to think before offering one to Lewis, your outstretched arm as much a peace offering as you’re willing to make. Your hands brush as he takes it, nods. His eyes don’t leave yours. He says something to you but you’re too distracted by the shift in his throat as he swallows to hear. Or maybe it’s the music.
“What?”
He grins, flashing the tooth gap you’ve been thinking about for months, leans close enough for you to smell the alcohol on him, the cologne. Your heart is racing.
“Wanna go upstairs?”
“Yeah, sure.”
Another grin and he takes your hand. Laces your fingers together like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He leads you along the edge of the crowd, the dark skin of his shoulders shifting as he navigates alongside the wall. His rings are warm against your knuckles. You trail up the stairs behind him, know he’s going to stop in the dim landing of the alcove before he does.
He keeps both hands over yours, like he’s scared you’re going to try run away. Between the dancefloor and the speakers of the VIP lounge is quieter. You think you can hear Lewis’ heartbeat.
“I just- I wanted to say I’m sorry for how things ended. Between us,” he says, and his eyes are crinkled and you knew he really cares.
“S’okay, Lewis. It’s okay.”
Hope. That’s the little gleam in his eye as he lets his tongue push out into his cheek.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
And then his hand is cupping your neck, the tips of his fingers already curling through your hair and you can’t help but smile back, rub your face into the soft skin of his palm.
“Wanna get drunk with me?” he whispers, like you’re teenagers again, like this is your shared secret plan.
Yeah. Yeah, you do.
-
You promised yourself you’d call an Uber home but Lewis doesn’t let you. He pulls your phone away and you’re too inebriated and slow to get it back. Too happy and giggly to care. He dangles it just out of reach and you let yourself play, pressing your body against his, stretching until you feel the hot fan of his breath on your neck. His hands settling on your hips, his lips on your neck. Come home with me, he’s saying, and you’re nodding into the crook of his shoulder, breathing him in.
In the car he slides closed the privacy screen between the driver and the backseat. Doesn’t even let you get all the way in before he’s pulling you onto his lap, hands framing your face, teeth biting at your lower lip. When you pull away his eyes are sleepy and wholly black, his mouth quirked up at one side, red from kissing. You want him in your mouth then, want to see if he tastes the same as you remember.
You’d done this once before on the way to some fancy event. There had been no time in the hotel beforehand, and Lewis’ cropped outfit had been irresistible. Hidden between his legs, careful not to disturb the fine fabric of his pants, you’d let him hit the back of your throat every time the car went over a bump. The way he whimpered as you kitten licked him, ringed thumb feeling his own cock through the skin of your cheek. You’d barely finished swallowing and tucking him back into his pants when you’d arrived. He’d kissed you real hard hidden in the privacy of the car. Kept looking over at you during the event speeches. Smiling, looking down, shaking his head. You’d squeeze his hand or shove him. He returned the favour in one of the bathrooms, slight scuff marks on the knees of his suit the only hint as you two returned for dessert.
But this time is different. Lewis doesn’t pick up on what you’re doing at first, whining when you break away from him. His hands are grasping at your shirt but you push him off, shaking your head, grinning.
“Wanna touch you,” he says, and his voice is rough and low. You almost abandon your plans. Almost. Instead you move your legs from around his hips to between them, dropping to the floor of the car. You pull your hair up too, knowing that Lewis will pull at it anyways.
“Oh.”
You give him one more wicked smile before finding the button of his pants, tugging his zipper down. Already Lewis is impatient, muscled thigh bouncing up and down lightly in your peripheral. You slide your hand along it, soothing turning brazen as you continue your path to trace the hard shape of him through his briefs.
He curses, jerking under your featherlight touch. You can see his clenched fists pressed on either side of the seat in a desperate attempt not to grab for you. Not to upset the odd balance that somehow found you at the same club, on the same night, and now on your knees before him.
“You can touch me, Lewis,” you joke, but it comes out slow, sounds sanded down by your inebriation.
His fingers find your hair, tucking back stray strands so he can see your mouth. Quickly, hands fumbling slightly, you pull him out of his boxers. Quiet, pressing kisses to the head of him, the shaft, the sensitive skin of his pelvis. You let the short hair there scratch at your cheek before you lick an unbroken strip up. Above you, Lewis’ chest heaves, tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip. He’s always been transfixed by this, by watching you. So you look up at him, at his sleepy hooded eyes, as you take him into the back of your throat. He makes a desperate hurting sound, his hand gripping harder at your hair. You hold him there for a moment, letting water collect at your lash line, letting your gag reflex kick in, before humming once and pulling up, spitting into your fist, stroking him.
Lewis is everywhere — his laboured breathe in your ear, the musky taste of him in your mouth, his smell.
Stupid of you to think your memories could be fonder than reality, that the velvet of his skin couldn’t be as all-consuming as you recollected. He is beautiful before you, his powerful thighs and wide, strong torso. The gentle stroke of his fingers at your scalp. You had missed this, missed him. You swipe at his precum with your tongue, savouring the hot smooth skin there, the way he moans under the small gentle touches of your mouth.
The car comes to a stop before you can take him into your throat again, and Lewis doesn’t even bother fully zipping up his pants as he leads you out of the car. His kisses on your neck, shoulder, cheek, murmuring that he’d missed your mouth, that you looked so pretty on your knees. You blush -- not minutes after sucking him off in the back of a car you’re blushing at his praise.
He takes your hand as you hurry through the hotel lobby and over to the elevators. You shush each other, both frantically pressing at the up button and laughing at the fullness of the moment. You’re drunk off Lewis.
As soon as the elevator doors open he’s on you, pressing you back to the mirrored glass wall, licking into your mouth, your teeth. His hands are all over, hiking up your dress, pushing back your hair, grasping and tilting your face to where he wants it.
“Lew-”
He hums into you, reaching between your legs to cup your core. It’s so brazen, so claiming that your legs feel weak. You let your arms fall around his neck, let yourself take everything he gives you.
The elevator pings, the doors open. Lewis pulls off your mouth, forehead pressed to yours so your breathe mingles. His brow furrows and for a second you’re terrified this has all been some misunderstanding. That the next sentence out of his mouth will be this was a mistake. That this was all some horrible attempt to cushion your feelings or not make you feel stupid. 
“It might be a little messy in my room-”
You laugh and blow right by him, ducking under his reaching arms.
“Hey,” he calls, but you’ve already made it to his door and are in the middle of an attempt to take off your heels, catching desperately at the wall for balance.
“Hey what,” you echo back, pulling your head up to find him real close now. Watching you. This is how it felt when we were first falling in love, you think. You want to hide it, keep this precious idea lingering in your subconscious for a little longer but there it is, glaring, almost, in the little smile playing across Lewis’ lips, the crinkle at his eyes.
“Just hey,” and this time he says it onto your mouth as kisses you, spins you around, lets you squeal into his cheek as the carpet and the lights twirl.
Behind you the click of his keycard and then he’s crowding you into the dark hotel suite. You feel up at his face, push your palms flat to his cheeks, stroke first his brow then his full lips with the pad of your thumb. He barely breathes as you move, only watching you from under his long, soft eyelashes.
“So beautiful, Lew.”
You don’t mean to say it, stopping your fingers when you hear your own words. So loud in the new space. But it’s dark too, and Lewis lets his head drop to kiss you again -- slow this time. First your temple, then each closed eyelid, your cheekbones, the tip of your nose. You sigh into him when he slots over your lips, when he traces his tongue over your front teeth.
“Lewis.”
“I know, I know baby,” he practically coos it into your mouth, big hands holding your face.
Then you’re scrambling to find the bed, tripping over suitcases and couches. Lewis wasn’t a messy person -- this weekend must’ve been hectic for him to be leaving his place like this. Or maybe he just doesn’t have anyone to keep it clean for anymore, a voice somewhere in the back of your mind adds. You push the thought away, focus instead on the dim shapes of the wall, the inky black patches that must be doors. You’re stumbling, but Lewis’ hands catch you, forearms banding over your middle. At your back, pressing up against you, kissing into your neck.
“I got you. I got you,” he murmurs, and the husky timbre of his voice has your thighs pressing together.
“Lewis,” you whine again, desperate for his fingers, his tongue, his cock.
Shuffling, hand out, Lewis leads you through the door and to the bed, spinning you round to face him before he’s pushing you back onto the soft sheets. With his help you lift and discard your dress and shoes. Already you’re itching to do the same to him, but Lewis only sinks to his knees and pulls you to the very edge of the bed. Such a familiar strength as he tugs at the back of your knees. Easy. Gentle. You could get used to this.
You prop yourself up on your elbows, trying to keep your head silent from now on. But the thought lingers as Lewis mouths slowly at your calf, kissing to your knee, your thigh, licks into the crease of your hip. You jump, watching him hide his smile against the soft skin of your stomach.
“Shut up.”
You let a hand fall lazily to shove at his cheek. He turns, catches your palm instantly -- fast, sometimes you forget how fast he is -- bites at your fingers. You squeak but let him hold you there, considering the flesh and bone. You catch the dangerous glint in his eye immediately.
“Lewis..”
He shushes you, his predatory focus on your fingers indivertable.
“Trust me sweetheart,” he says, and you know there’s no use fighting it. Slowly, as if still thinking the idea over, Lewis turns your hand over, pressing it towards your own core.
“Lewis, I don’t know-”
But already you can feel your pointer and ring finger pressing where you’re overheating, and Lewis is gazing between your legs like there’s something beautiful there.
“Let me do this,” and his voice is practically begging. Cheeks aflame, you can’t watch as Lewis guide your fingers in, in, in. You moan at the same time he does, squirming at the need for more, at the knowledge that Lewis is practically hypnotized watching you finger fuck yourself for him. He guides your digits out with a full tug at your wrist, and then bares them back again, letting the wet sound you make travel up to you.
“Lewis-”
No longer hesitant now, you’re needy for more, for him. But Lewis doesn’t heed any of your whining, only pushing your fingers back and forth at that same excruciating pace, practically eating you with his hungry eyes. He knows the slight humiliation of getting yourself off in front of him keeps you docile so he pushes it -- pushes you -- until you’re practically writhing beneath him. Until you surrender to him like a fever, until he is the only thing, the only shape your mouth can form. Then he relents, pulls your fingers out fully, lets you flutter in their absence, sucks the digits clean, grunts at the taste of you.
You sob his name again and then he’s locking your thighs open and licking you in one long stripe. You’re frenzied after that, breaking quickly into a white washed orgasm, bucking as he works you into you into an oversensitive mess.
“S’okay, I got you,” he’s whispering, moving up your body to handle your limp figure, letting you curl up boneless in his lap. He kisses out constellations on your shoulders, says: you did so good for me baby, so proud of you.
You don’t move for a while, eventually coming to trace the lines of the tattoos on his collar bones. The hotel heater kicks on, huffing quietly across the room.
“I always loved how you’d do that,” he says. Your orgasm has left you cold and you press further into the steady heat of him, the small patches of skin open to you through his clothes.
“Missed you, Lew. Really missed you.”
It’s all you’ll let yourself admit back to him, but he takes your face between his hands, enveloping you, hiding you from the rest of the world and kisses you so gently you think you’ll break.
“Lewis.”
The moon shines through the window and Lewis’ eyes are bright with it.
“Yeah.”
“Have sex with me.”
He sighs, slow and long because he knows this will change things. Then he’s kissing you again, lips delicate on yours, sliding over your jaw, searching out the sensitive spots on your neck. You’re gasping and Lewis is tugging off his shirt.
He goes for his pants but halts under your tracing hands. First the lion snarling, then you’re thumbing over the compass, the hard press of his solar plexus. You kiss him there once, twice, right at the center of him. Like you’re marking him, saying I was here. He shudders and shifts you off his lap to fully strip out of his cargos and briefs. He’s leaking and red, standing out from his stomach.
“Poor baby’s been so neglected,” you coo and he pushes you back into the mountain of pillows at the headboard. You’re joking, maybe. You can never tell with Lewis. He’s sizing you up too, one knee propped on the bed, hand absentmindedly stroking himself.
“Why don’t you do something about it then?”
He’s so much bigger than you, stronger than you, when he talks like this. Reminds you of him in the car, the crude way he’d sometimes talk to the other men in the garage. Your heart rate kicks up, just a bit.
“C’mere.”
He obliges, covering your body and face in shadow as he holds himself level with you. One hand on his bicep --- so solid, so heavy under your hand -- the other to the hot length of him. His mouth open and brow furrowed as he watches you notch him at your entrance. And then just you and him, watching.
“You’re sure?” he asks.
You look again at the tired warmth of his eyes, the smile lines you’d been lucky enough to frequent for years at a time. Lewis and you played around it, letting yourselves get distracted by the petty everyday stress of relationships, dating, fame, but here you were. Back in his bed, back in his arms, back in the same club. You and Lewis were just that: you and Lewis. You were destined to orbit around each other. Perhaps this time you could get away with colliding.
You kiss him, all the answer he needs to start pushing into you. You keep your lips connected until the stretch of him, the size of him, is too much, has you gasping into his shoulder. You’d forgotten the press of him between your legs, in your head, until he was shoving everything else out, only Lewis. Too tight, too big. Your breathing is ragged, tears finding their way past your clenched eyes.
“You can take it baby,” he says as he keeps baring into you, kissing at your tears. You leave red lines down his back. You feel dumb on his cock, on the way it takes up every space in your head. He kisses your temple when he bottoms out, shaking above you. Maybe you are too, but when you open your eyes Lewis is staring at you like he’s seeing you for the very first time, eyes wide. He leans down to kiss you, keeps his eyes closed as he whispers, “I love you.”
And then he’s pulling out, almost to the tip, not letting you reply before thrusting back in. The power in his hips knocks your breath away, only able to claw at his back as he hikes up one of your legs. The angle has you seeing stars with each new push of him, eyes near rolling back into your head as he pants over you. His chain -- the chain you’d given him -- dangles above you. Funny, you think dimly. Even with everything a part of you was with him always. It hurts your heart a little, but then Lewis is shifting, pining your hips down, forcing you to take even more of him and you think you’re tearing apart.
“Lewis, Lewis,” you’re crying his name, desperate as you cling to him, clench around him.
He’s murmuring something at your ear but you can hardly hear him over the growing crush in your ears, twin to the ever-tightening climax knotting in your core. Then: Lewis’ hand, coaxing at your cheek. He tips your face up ‘till you’re looking at him, eyes wide, vulnerable. For you, only for you. One arm is wrapped over his shoulders, the other coming up to hold him, to push back two braids working themselves loose. He’s mumbling it, I love you, over and over, so you kiss him to make him stop, to try slow down this beautiful spinning wheel you two have found yourselves riding.
You’re too hot below him, the heat of his body covering you, pressing at you. He slips his thumb down to circle your clit and you can’t help but buck into his calloused finger. Everything is too much -- Lewis urging you forward a frenzied peak, the stretch of him between your legs, the quiet way he moans into you.
The warm lick of his tongue through your mouth, the way he licks over your mouth like he owns it has you breaking. Finally you’re crumpling over his cock, crying out as Lewis fucks you through it. Eyes closed, you let yourself burrow into him as your senses mute, vision white. Each raw drag of him has you whimpering, keening into the over-stimulation.
“Can I-” he starts to ask and you nod, lock your legs behind him. Something pained flashes over his expression, something you want to kiss away, but then he’s cumming, so hard he stops breathing. You coax him through it. Kiss at his hairline, brow. He slumps into you, letting his whole weight bore you into the mattress. Pressed to the underside of his arm you just hold him, this beautiful creature you’ve found again. He lies there until his breathing settles and you think he's fallen asleep when he rolls enough to eye you -- one drowsy brown shape watching beneath his messy braids.
“Hi Lewis.”
He whispers back, gentle into the sheets.
“Hi.”
You’re smiling at each other softly, like this could be the start of something, like this might not be the end after all.
Slowly, like it’s the greatest effort of his life, Lewis heaves himself onto his back, rolling you with him. His cock is still inside you, but you know his cum will be leaking out soon, a dirty little reminder of what you let him do.
“Have to get up,” you tell him.
His arm tightens at your side, face suddenly closed off in a way you hadn’t seen all night.
“You gonna come back?” he asks.
You kiss the corner of his mouth, heart hurting at the question, how young he sounds saying it.
“Yeah Lew, I’ll come back.”
-
When you return from the bathroom he’s sleeping, chest rising under the thick hotel sheet.
You pad out to the kitchen, marble tiles cold against your feet. You try your best to find a glass without waking him, shuffling quietly through cupboards until you get the right one. Wincing at how loud the sink sounds in the high-ceilinged room. I love you, he’d said. Pushed the words onto your lips reverently, gifted them to you because he couldn’t keep them to himself. Oh, Lewis.
You watch out the high skyline of the apartment as the sun begins to colour the sky, sipping occasionally at your water, thinking.
Your legs are getting cold when Lewis comes out of the bedroom, eyes dark. He doesn’t notice you at first, only breathing hard in the open space of the hotel. He looks -- devastated.
“Lewis?” He starts at your voice, only staring at you for a moment before releasing a hard sigh, starting towards you and stopping abruptly at the edge of the kitchen.
“I thought-”
His voice catches and you cringe at the question in his speech, how his voice wavers.
“I thought you left.” His eyes, searching, scanning yours as you put down your water, trace around the kitchen counter to him. Stand before him, close, almost touching. You take his hand, look at the easy way your fingers connect.
“No, Lewis, I’m not leaving.”
Hope. It was what you’d seen earlier at the club and you knew if you found Lewis’ eyes you would see it again now. You’d made your decision -- made it when you first took his hand at the bar. You catch his gaze then, smile, just for him.
“Couldn’t even if I wanted to.”
He’s smiling too, just the beginnings of it, eyes bright again. Over his shoulder the sun breaks the horizon, golden light washing the hotel.
“Couldn’t because I love you, Lew.”
218 notes · View notes
Text
ʜɪɢʜᴡᴀʏ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʟʟ ᴄʜ. 2
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
Summary: In an effort to get the two of you to bond, Tony Stark sends you and the ex-assassin Bucky Barnes on a road trip together. The problem? You hate each other. The situation? Two weeks in a car together. The reward: three days of a resort vacation. And the problem? He's kinda cute.
Warnings (Entire Series): Enemies-to-lovers, cursing, sexual tension, angst, fluff, crying, fighting, violence, chaos, mentions/talk of trauma, discussions of mental health, and potentially more.
Warnings: Enemies-to-lovers, cursing, sexual tension, food and eating, insecurity on Bucky's part, and Bucky is probably written wrong. (Trying my best lmao)
Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 ||
[Series Masterlist]
---------------------------------------------
𝑶𝒏𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑴𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚, 𝑻𝒘𝒐 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒘
🄳🄰🅈 1
It had been twenty minutes into the drive. Tony had specifically picked out a route for the two of you to follow, which was saved into your phone.
Neither of you had said anything since the whole 'who's-driving' thing. Part of you was grateful, but at the same time it just made the whole situation awkward.
As your playlist filled the car with noise, you attempted to just ignore him.
"What time is it?" You ask, quickly glancing at him. He tapped your phone with his flesh hand, reading the time as it opened up to your lock screen.
"11:00am." He answers.
"You wanna stop somewhere for lunch? There's a cluster of fast food places about fifteen minutes from us."
He nods.
When you get to the nearest fast food place, the two of you notice the long Drive-Thru line. "I know you don't like being in public or whatever," you begin, "but the line is super long. You wanna head inside?"
After a brief moment, he nodded again. Smiling slightly, you led the way into the restaurant.
--------------
Bucky sat across from you in silence, sipping on his drink. He wanted to make an effort, to try and befriend you, at least for this trip. The only issue is that he's not sure how.
After an insanely quiet argument disagreement at the ordering counter over who was going to pay for the food, Bucky wasn't ready to piss you off again. Especially after he had won said disagreement. He realized right after the two of you had sat down at the booth that you could've just ordered separately, but it was too late.
"Is it alright if I drive?" He asked as the two of you walked to the truck. He watched your expression, studying the changes in it. You were about to argue, but a yawn stopped you. "Sure." You answered finally.
Opening the truck door and hopping inside, Bucky buckled his seatbelt, listening to you do the same. He started the truck, watching you lean the passenger seat back. "I'm gonna plug in my phone. The route's on it." You say as you do so. "I'm taking a nap. Wake me up if you get tired."
"Alright." He drives in silence for a while. He can't quite tell how long had passed. It could've been five minutes or four hours. It was 9:00pm when you woke back up. "Good morning." You muttered. "You can't drive all night. How far out's the nearest hotel or something?" You picked up your phone, realizing there was no cell service. Checking the map, you scrolled around on it. "Two hours and forty-five minutes. Jesus--you look half-dead, dude."
He yawned, side-eyeing you. "I look fine."
"You look like Victor from The Corpse Bride. That's not 'fine', man." You countered. "Just find a place to pull over for the night. We're in the middle of nowhere, so there's probably a little trail or something we can drive down." He nodded at this suggestion. "Alright. Tell me when you see one."
Maybe fifteen minutes passed before you told him to slow down. "Right up there. Look." You pointed through the windshield, and he drove the truck down a small path leading to a little clearing in the woods.
"Just put it in park off to the side." You told him, and he complied. "Do you wanna sleep in the backseat or anything?"
He shook his head. "You can have it."
"I'm too lazy to crawl over the seat, and I don't wanna get out." I sighed. "I have a couple episodes of Dance Moms downloaded if you wanna watch it with me." You glance at him for approval as you pick up your phone. He doesn't stop you, so you pull up the show.
You grin as you successfully balance your phone on the shift stick. It was fun for you, studying Bucky's expressions. He even made you laugh once in a while, when his eyes widened and his brows furrowed at Abby talking to one of the moms.
Eventually, the two of you drifted off, Bucky making sure to turn off your phone before he fell asleep.
--------------
🄳🄰🅈 2
You woke up to the sun shining right into your eyes.
"Morning." Bucky said, looking up from his book. When did he get that? You considered it for a moment, before your brain fully woke up. He probably just grabbed it from his suitcase. Duh.
"Morning." You replied, checking the time. It was just a little past eight.
"I'm gonna drive for a little while." He said as he started the truck.
"Kate packed a snack bag for me. You need breakfast, Super Soldier." You reached into the floor of the backseat, grabbing the grocery bag and pulling it into your lap. "We got..granola bars, juice boxes, Goldfish, pretzels...And a bunch of other things. What do ya feel like?"
After he decided on a granola bar, you picked your breakfast snack of choice.
"There's a little town a couple hours out. If you want, we can just wait to get food and stuff until we get there." He suggests.
"Sure." You agreed, wondering why he wasn't being as asshole-ish as usual. "Sounds good to me."
--------------
You did end up reaching that town by lunchtime. The old and faded sign indicating so was perched off to the side of the main road. 'Welcome to Brandon Briar!', it read.
"We should just get a hotel room. My back hurts like hell, and we can just get back on the road tomorrow."
"Can you make it until the next town?"
"What? No. I haven't pissed since we stopped for lunch yesterday, Bucky."
He rolled his eyes, and you mentally took back everything you said about him not being an asshole today. "Look, there's a hotel right there. I will personally pay for the rooms, just get in the parking lot."
"You don't have to." He sighs, pulling into the hotel's parking lot.
You lift your suitcase and backpack out of the backseat, before heading into the lobby. Bucky follows as you approach the receptionist.
She's an older lady, some sections of her hair gray, other sections a warm brown. Her eyes match the brown, and she smiles when she sees the two of you walk in.
"Hello. Welcome to the Brandon Briar Hotel. How may I help you two today?" She asked, looking up at the two of you. She has wrinkles by the corners of her eyes, and smile lines around her mouth. Her voice is warm, as is everything about her. A quick glance to her nametag revealed that her name is Barbara C.
"We'd like two rooms, please." You smiled politely.
"Alright, and how long will the two of you be staying, dear?"
"Just for tonight, if that's okay."
"Wonderful. Is it okay if it's a connecting room? The festival always brings in a lot of tourists." She smiled proudly.
"Festival?"
"Yes, Brandon Briar has it every year. Here's a flyer, if you're thinking about attending." She slipped a brightly colored flyer over the counter, sliding it in front of you. The main colors, yellow, blue, and white, were eye-catching and pretty.
"Now, is the connecting room okay, sweetheart?" She asked again, though there was not a single note of annoyance in her voice.
"Oh--yes. That will be perfect."
You pay quickly for both of the rooms before Bucky--who had been standing behind you silently--could fight you on it. Barbara hands you the two key cards, and you hand Bucky one. Taking the flyer with you, you give Barbara one final 'thank you' and a smile, before heading to the elevator.
Bucky presses the button for the 2nd floor, where your rooms are. You study the flyer.
"This is pretty cool. It's like a 'this-town-through-the-decades' kind of thing. There's a 40's style dance thing tonight." You state, reading the first event listed. The festival is a week long, starting tonight, Monday, and ending on Sunday.
Bucky nods, yet he says nothing.
"Do you wanna go? It sounds fun."
"No." He answers simply.
"Why not?" You furrow your brows, confused.
"I don't dance."
"Okay, Chad from High School Musical." You side-eye him. "Please can we go?"
"Neither of us have anything to wear to it." He tries to reason as the elevator door opens. Walking down the hallway, you continue to argue with him. "I'm sure there's at least one store that sells stuff specifically for the festival. Barbara--the receptionist--said that the festival brings in a bunch of tourists, so they have to have something around here."
"We're both Avengers. We could be recognized."
"So? Either way, we're in a tiny ass town in the middle of nowhere. If we were recognized, it wouldn't even matter."
He looked down at his gloved left hand. He always wore thick jackets or long-sleeved shirts, paired with gloves.
"Nobody's gonna care." You reassured quietly. It was true that the two of you didn't get along very well, but you didn't think it was fair to make personal attacks. You knew his arm, and basically his entire past, really, were sensitive topics.
When you opened your room, you immediately rushed to the bathroom, dropping off your stuff by the door.
--------------
Bucky took off his gloves, stepping into the hotel room. Quickly opening the door that connected to your room, he sighed. He couldn't handle the stares from random civilians whenever he went jacketless. But the way you looked so excited when you talked about it...He wanted to go. He really did.
He looked at you when you opened your door to his room.
"I'll go with you. If you want."
"Really?" You grin. He nods, already regretting his decision.
"Come on, we gotta find 40's shit." You decide.
141 notes · View notes
pardis-dhyai · 1 year
Note
CONGRATS ON ALHAITHAM!!! my xiao came home too, but not before c2 diluc :') also, i have a request! been having some uhh negative experiences around food lately so. chubby!reader going out to a meal with some friends or coworkers who keep making snide remarks? stuff like "should you really be eating that?" or "that explains a lot" + wanderer, thoma, childe, beidou, and tighnari (love the way you write him!!) reacting to that? sorry for the slightly angstier request, hopefully this is ok!! if not then pls feel free to ignore. thank u for everything u write <3
thank you so much! (actually managed to get c2r1 and i am hoping for c6 on the next rerun...will keep pulling thru the banner to squeeze out anything i can.) and i am SO glad you got xiao! sorry about the diluc, though. and thank you for the compliment--it means a lot! i try my best to write them well! and i am so sorry about having that sort of trouble--i can relate. i hope this is to your liking, and remember that other people's opinions are just opinions. there are plenty of medical researchers that are loud about how human bodies just have some variation, and that having fat on your body can just be genetics (and is OFTEN just genetics). if anyone makes comments and says it's for your health, they're just excusing their own bigotry. sending all my love.
standing up for their chubby partner
characters featured: wanderer/scaramouche, thoma, childe/tartaglia, beidou, tighnari
pronouns used: none--second person perspective.
warnings: themes of fatphobia surrounding food. likely not triggering for those with eating disorders, but this does mention feeling uncomfortable eating after the comment (tartaglia).
notes: written with a chubby reader in mind. does not really work if you aren't chubby. assumed modern au!
wanderer instantly goes postal when someone says something like that to you. "what the hell do you think you're saying? you flap your jaws without understanding what you're even saying. what a waste of space." he does literally everything he can to make the offender uncomfortable and if they don't let up he doubles down on his insults to counter. he's definitely at risk of going a step too far and seriously hurting the person who hurt you. he'll defend his actions until the day he dies, though.
thoma's eyes get dark when your company makes that sort of comment. "excuse me, but I think that was out of line. would you like to rephrase and apologize?" seeing someone as cheerful as thoma have such a drastic tone change is usually enough to make anyone bothering you recant, but on the off chance it doesn't thoma will literally kick them out if you're eating at your place/a restaurant or take your hand and leave if it's at theirs. they also might find it's a little harder to make friends in the area if they won't apologize, since a certain someone has so many connections...
tartaglia laughs, but in a venomous way. "maybe you should focus on your own plate, comrade...unless you're asking for a fight." he's the most likely to actually throw a punch, and has zero problems making a scene. he will NOT stand for you being treated that way, and he's happy to throw his weight around to make sure you get treated with the respect you deserve. if you feel uncomfortable eating the rest of the time, he definitely grabs your favorite takeout and crashes with you to eat and watch a movie to decompress. he might have to ice his bruised fist, though.
beidou's eyes just narrow. "I consider myself to be pretty lenient when it comes to letting people speak their mind, but you're just hurting someone else. shut up, will you?" she ends up scooting closer to you and resuming whatever conversation you were having before, her boisterous laughter drowning out anything the person might follow up with. beidou is sort of the life of the party--if she shuts someone out of a conversation, others will follow suit. the offender is NOT going to get another word in edgewise, and beidou is going to make sure you still have a good time.
tighnari whips out his phone and opens a medical journal he's been reading. "your comment is unnecessary and goes against what is becoming commonly accepted in the medical profession. I don't expect someone with your low level of BASIC understanding to be able to read this, but from the few words you'll be able to pick up you can EASILY see that using health concerns as a way to excuse your nastiness is just asinine." he's often one of the smartest people in the room, and he knows how to shut down persistent people. he's in academia--he knows the egotistical type very well. after he's educated the offender into silence, he'll turn to you and smile, asking if your food is good and breaking the last of the tension the other person wrought. don't mess with an academic.
257 notes · View notes
thotsforvillainrights · 3 months
Note
I know you don’t like writing for muscular but I am a really muscular fan and nobody writes anything for him, I’m tired of reading the same stories
If you don’t mind asking, can I get Muscular with a S/O that think he’s cheating or he thinks think the S/O is cheating?
(I may not like him, but I live to serve the small community of Muscular simps. So I'm grateful for the ask!)
~Muscular accuses S/O of Cheating~
Tumblr media
headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up|drabble
-He may be pretty rough but you never really had to worry about that as much as the others would assume you did. He's always had a thing for teasing you when you two got together. It's only later down the line that he starts to realize he doesn't know his own strength. You pretty much taught him little by little to be more careful with not just you but with other people, other beings and things around him. Since then you've noticed a change in him from the way he playfully punches your arm to the way he closes the car door. He hasn't exactly given up on his tough or violent nature but he's certainly more aware of himself when it comes to you.
-Another thing is his anger. He's not very quick to anger but rather annoy I would think. He can't really dish out what he gives so all day he might get on your nerves but when you do it too much, he finds himself groaning in annoyance and trying to distance himself for a bit so he doesn't fuss at you. He's still him through and through but again, as previously mentioned, he's more aware of himself.
-The biggest issue in the relationship would be how jealous he can get with the people around you. He knows it's foolish but in the back of his mind, he thinks everyone is out to get you and he hates the idea of that. How dare the worker at the drive-thru put extra sauce in your bag. How fucking dare the mailman lingers for a few minutes over just to chat it up with you. Who does he think he is??? The coworker that texts you outside of office hours about non work related things. Muscular doesn't even real like any of the other league members spending too much time around you when he thinks about it...especially not Dabi.
-You're kind and patient with him when you see fit. You reassure him he has nothing to worry about. You love him and (depending on the reader) you'll show him in many different ways~ Still, he always finds himself struggling with his damn jealously. it all seems to boil over when you are caught in the back room with Shigaraki chatting quietly about something. Secrets? Holding secrets from him with his own leader nonetheless??? Oh he's pissed so you know you'll hear about this when you get home. For a while he's been suspecting something on the foul involving you and Shigaraki. The two of you have been chatting it up more lately and he didn't like it one bit. It's not like you ever shared anything in common with each other to begin with! This all seemed to come out of nowhere. He didn't even waste time to bring up the shared texts. He knows it's been you chatting it up with him late at night.
-He's failed to see what you were doing. Completely failed to see you'd begged Tomura for help to surprise him for your anniversary. Tomura didn't want to get involved in anything romantic like that, but agreed finally to help you. You were trying to cook up a plan to have Shigaraki distract Muscular long enough for you to set up decorations and wrap his gifts. Muscular had gotten the wrong idea completely.
-He always controlled his anger around you as best he could and even now when he was having a meltdown he still managed to grip at his fists tightly and not let them fly into the wall like he wanted to. just because he made sure not to physically scare you doesn't mean he didn't have any effect on you verbally. When he noticed your tears was when he finally came back to reality. Had he...had he said something so horrible that he didn't even realize it?
-Yes...he did.
-Guilt wasn't something he felt had any control over him but surprisingly he learned it did. This was especially true when he felt his chest swell with guilt as you sobbed/explained the situation to him. He yelled at you. He said terrible things to you and scared you when all you were trying to do was something nice for him. You even showed him the texts between you and Shigaraki as proof of your plans/actions. That guilt was eating him alive right on the spot and he STILL couldn't find the words to apologize. He hated sleeping on the couch that night. He hated even worse hearing your silently sob yourself to sleep in the next room. He would've forced his way into the locked room had he not decided to let you recover to yourself. He deserved to feel like shit. The next morning he was up bright and early (very rare for him). The first thing he did was show his humility and apologized (also very rare for him). The next thing he did was spent the next few days trying to patch things up just in time for your anniversary.
-It's odd just how crazy love can make even the most hard formed men. He swore he'd try to get that jealousy in line because the idea of losing you hurt him more than anything else he could ever think of.
18 notes · View notes