#the perfect route in to that awful joke

[genshin-impact-unofficial]

🌦Confessions gone wrong...

Genshin men and how they fuck up their confessions to you.

Ft. Bennett, Venti, Xingqiu, Xiao, Itto, and Wanderer

Tags: Fem!Reader, Long-Hair!Reader(Xingqiu), crushes, pining, fluff, pg, bad things happen to good people. Note: This thread is mostly humor. I just really wanted to bully some characters. No beta. Pay no mind to me trying to edit my mistakes after this has been posted. (Repost!)

Bennett 

Fatal Flaw: Honestly does nothing wrong, is just an unlucky dude.

There’s too many instances to count. The poor boy has really been trying to tell you his feelings for MONTHS.

In his excitement he wanted to be flashy and ask you out somewhere cool, like by the big tree in Windrise. The weather thankfully allowed it, but right as he was about to take your hand and confess, a swarm of crystal flies began swarming him. You didn’t know they could be so aggressive.

A restaurant! He could treat you to a meal and tell you there! When the two of you arrived at Good Hunter, it was unfortunately closed early for the day. Apparently all of the meat had suddenly gone bad…

You get the gist.... he’s been in this constant confession limbo for a while now. The more he wants it the worse it goes.

Bennett finally decided he didn’t need the bells and whistles. He cared about you a lot and he was going to confess to you if it was the last thing he did. And it damn well might be. With a new found determination, he ran out to do just that.

“Y/N!” Bennett called out when he spotted you by the Adventure’s Guild. He rushed to you, paying special attention to every stair step to keep from tripping. You turned around and smiled too sweetly when you caught sight of him. It made the boy’s heart thump in his chest. Were it not for his sudden tunnel vision, he may have noticed that cat running past him and not trip down the remaining flight of stairs. 

The next time he opened his eyes, he found himself being carried up the familiar route to the cathedral. The adventurer’s face flushed bright red when he realized you were the one carrying him piggyback. It was embarrassing..... but it shamefully wasn’t the first time. Bennett sighed in defeat and simply leaned into your back. When felt his shift in weight, you glanced back to smile at him. You giggled at his clumsiness and it was like music to the boy’s ears. You told him how glad you were that he already regained consciousness this time.  

The two of you began joke around like usual and talked the rest of the way there. Bennett took the small victories.

Venti

Fatal Flaw: Tries to impress you too hard.

He knew exactly where he was going to sing his love ballad about you. The sound of the wind as it blew off the hills of starsnatch cliff would be the perfect accompaniment. Maybe it would need some encouragement, but it was nothing he couldn’t accomplish.

Venti wanted the wine to be just right for the occasion too. You deserved nothing but the best. And how else would he be able to judge the quality.... if not just a teeny tiny taste test? He had to be thorough about this choice after all.

The bard usually had enough self control to limit himself to a glass or two, but he felt his nerves get to him a tad. Venti had the confidence that he could show you a beautiful night, but in the end it was your choice whether to accept his heartfelt gesture. The archon respected your freedom above all else. 

They sure don’t call it liquid courage for nothing! Venti was brimming with confidence when he brought you to a picnic under a tree, overlooking the cecilias in full bloom. You were visibly in awe, and your reactions quickly inflated the bard’s ego to dangerous heights. “If you think that’s beautiful, watch this.”

A gust of wind flowed over the field, sweeping up all the fallen petals to dance in the air. It was unreal, magical, magnificent, splendid, it was…… buzzing? A thud fell between the two of you and effectively ended the romantic moment. It was a wasps nest.

“ABANDON SHIP!” Venti cried out, grabbing your hand and booking it downhill. 

Xingqiu

Fatal Flaw: Hubris.

He really doesn’t like to toot his own horn. Maybe once in a while when it’s warranted. But he really out did himself. Xingqiu read plenty of books regarding the art of courting, and they guided the way to what was sure to be the most romantic confession possible. 

The brilliance was in the simplicity of the plan. First he would begin with a gift. The two of you always met at the book store on your off-days. When he sees you wear your long hair in your usual up-do, he would offer the beautiful hair ornament he acquired. Maybe in your excitement, you would even allow him to affix it for you.

The boy’s stomach dropped when he saw you enter the bookstore. He stared while you looked around for him, turning your head left and right in an adorable manner. The movement accentuated your newest feature... a hair cut. “Y/N, over here.” Xingqiu called to you, his confidence was already wavering a little. You excitedly walked to meet up with him and offered a big grin.

Well all is not lost! This leads into his next step; Flattery! “Dear Y/N, you cut your hair. It looks-” “Ugh, don’t remind me.” You quickly cut him off, mood souring just a tad. You explain the tragic story of how you stupidly got a chunk of your hair caught in a lever. The only solution was to cut it clean off, the dramatic change was definitely still a sore topic. 

Now the boy was breaking a sweat. He changed to a new tactic, to cheer you up. Xingqiu dropped the subject and prompted that you both look at the newest releases. It would help to take your mind off things and he was banking on the last step of his plan to pan out. It was his last hope. 

The two of you settled on the docks and were eager to discuss the books you had just picked. Xingqiu had hidden a love poem into the latest book from your favorite author. He knew you couldn’t resist picking it up, so he stealthily slipped the note into the book you held. Xingqiu spend all night pouring his heart out just right onto the page, as if trying to convey every reason he should be by your side. He expressed his desperate want to be the one to protect and cherish you. Watching you now, talking about your day, left his brain dazed in admiration. It made him realize that all those little things before didn’t matter, as long as you knew how much he adored you in the end.

Finally, you pulled out your newest book to show Xingqiu. The distressed boy nearly fell off the dock. “T-the cover-” He stammered, quickly righting himself. You looked back at him concerned, and slowly explained that it was a limited edition cover. It was only available for the first hundred copies sold. When you saw there was still some in stock, you just had to snag one. 

Why do novels make romance it sound so easy....

Xiao

Fatal Flaw: One track mind.

Xiao had been hyping himself up for this one moment for weeks! He nearly talks himself out of confessing every other minute. You may not even reciprocate, but for his sanity he couldn’t keep hiding how deeply he cares for you. The whole situation was so uncertain but the hammering in his chest was proof that he had to do this.

Its like a band-aid he just had to rip it off. To get it over with. Xiao had no idea how to approach it and resorted to redeeming a favor owed to him. He needed to know what he was getting into and have a battle plan. When he approached Ganyu for advice he concealed most of the details. If she was any the wiser who he was asking romantic advice for, she was kind enough to not to mention it and let him keep his pride.

Xiao glanced down at the single glaze lily in his hand. The irony was not lost on him. It was almost humorous, an adeptus making an offering to a mortal and asking for their blessing.

It was almost the time and he prepared as if going into war. You greeted him and sat casually on the balcony railing of Wangshu Inn. Xiao wasted no time with pleasantries and held out the glaze lily to you. “Please accept this.” He stated. The flower was rigidly extended to the full length of his arm. The fiery determination on his face was  quite off-putting while offering such a delicate plant.

“Ah... I appreciate it Xiao, I really do, but I can’t.” You began to say, confusion steeping into your tone.

“I insist and I ask that you hear me out.” Xiao’s arm did moving an inch. It was the first thing Ganyu told him to do. He couldn’t abandon his path already. 

“What is going on Xiao? I really can’t accept-” You try to explain.

“Please.” His eyes were downcast and the yaksha’s tone was the closest thing to a plea that you’ve ever heard it. You were a tad bewildered and felt as though there was no use trying to talk him down right now. Left with no other choice, you reluctantly took the glaze lily in your hand. 

“Y/N I must tell you that I-” Thats as far as Xiao got before the coughing fit began. Your wracking coughs brought you to your knees. A wheeze is the only thing you could manage as you point to your bag. Xiao was alert and scrambling to make sense of what was happening. Your bag is brought to you in an instant and an arm wrapped around your waist to gently guide you to a chair. 

It took twenty minutes to fully get your breathing under control. You declined is offer to go grab you help. You just knew Xiao would disappear as soon as it arrived. It was a small allergy attack and nothing too threatening, but you could tell the boy next to you was profusely beating himself up for it.

You never did find out why he was so insistent on you taking that flower. What a strange guy. 

Itto

Fatal Flaw: All of the above.

The whole situation was more or less doomed from the start. Once his oblivious ass realized he was in love with you, it was over. The oni was going to confess to you so hard that people were going to be talking about it for YEARS!

It was an all hands on deck operation. Itto gathered the whole gang and then some. He was able to recruit the neighborhood kids to gather as  many sakura pedals as they could carry. The boys were on staging duty, making sure the location was so romantic it could even make onikabuto stop fighting long enough fall in love. Itto even managed win a few fireworks off Yoimiya. (She brutally crushed him in a game of Genius Invokation TCG, and mercifully tossed a couple firecrackers his way as a consolation prize.) SCORE!

It was all coming together! All that was left was to distract you for just a little bit longer. That was a job so important that he could only entrust it to his competent second in command. Shinobu tried to convince Itto again and again that he didn’t need all this extra stuff. Pulling off something this complicated was only setting his expectations to an impossible height. Overall wouldn't it be better to be up front and earnest with you about how he felt? Her genuine, good advice promptly fell on deaf ears. Itto was far too busy trying to find which color would make his horns look even cooler in the light of all the fireflies they captured to release right when he said he loved you. Shinobu left this trainweck to to its thing and went to go find you. 

She usually would’ve press the subject more, but she did genuinely enjoy your company. The Arataki Gang Deputy considered you a good influence on the boss and anything that could keep him out of trouble, the better. 

At last, the time arrived to set all the gears into motion. Now Itto just had to wait for.... The realization hit him. He hadn't told you or Shinobu a time or place too meet today. 

The bumbling oni spent a great deal of the afternoon searching for you like a lost puppy. “Yo! Y/N! Hey Hi! I gotta talk to you!” Itto yelled out across the road.  He had finally managed to catch up to you two. The guy was ecstatic that things were looking up, plan was back on track! If he hurried now he could get you to the location the gang set up before sunset. 

Itto excitedly told you that you HAD to see something. You were always amused by his antics, so of course you agreed. Without hesitation the oni all but dragged you out the door and towards the beach.

When you arrived.... oh crap.

Apparently, you need to get a “warrant” or something to set up the most romantic love confession of all time. Are they trying to say they own the beach or something? That's crazy now! The gang members were trying to explain themselves to the Tenryou Commission guards when you both walked in on the scene. Itto may have made things only a little tiny bit worse when he called the annoyed guard a “block head without a romantic bone in his body”, but no one was keeping score were they? Nonetheless, the whole altercation placed everyone on the scene in a Tenryo Commission cell... including you. 

Shinobu was gonna be so pissed.

Wanderer

Fatal Flaw: Forgets he’s supposed to be confessing.

The whole situation was incredibly annoying anyway. You were the one who wouldn’t take the hint, why should he have to spell it out for you. It’s not like he even wanted these feelings. It was all happening without his permission. On top of that, you were dense enough to miss the point every single time he tried to explain it to you.  

“Is something on my face?” You asked your newly reformed friend while putting down your book. He'd been boring holes into your skull for several minutes now. 

“No? Why are you asking dumb questions?” He snapped. You noticed Wanderer had been doing that quite frequently recently. You sighed in defeat and began gathering your things.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, I’m heading out.” You told him casually. 

You were usually pretty patient with Wanderer, but he’d been in some sort of sour mood lately. Typically it took a few more irksome things before he would start his attitude, but you just couldn’t figure out whats been setting him off recently. You decided it was best to just let him calm down and try again later.

“Don’t.” Wanderer said snatched your hand roughly before you could get too far. “I didn’t mean it like that. I wasn’t calling you dumb.” He spoke without looking directly at you. You made no movement towards returning and his grip on your hand did not let up. 

“And?” You prompted gently.

“Sorry. I’m sorry I said it.” He spat out, clearly annoyed.

You settled back down and asked him what's been bothering him. It’s clear that he was on edge and when you pointed it out his posture became rigid. He was a former Harbinger for fuck sake. Why was this so terrifying. He had been through hell and back without flinching, yet here you were just a person with a goofy laugh and weird interests. It shouldn’t be that hard.

“It’s your fault.” The boy accused, shooting you an annoyed glare. “These emotions aren’t exactly something that come with a manual.”

You blinked back at him in confusion and damn it now you looked cute.

“Stop looking at me! It’s weird.” Wanderer sneered, and immediately scolded himself for harsh it came out. You narrowed your eyes and pointed out that he was just staring at you just a few moments ago. Doesn't that make him weird too? “What? No! That was different. Fuck, you’re already missing the point. That’s why this is impossible with you!” 

You were loosing your patience and told him he was being just as impossible. “Me? At least I'm trying to talk here. You make things so much harder. If you just didn’t look at me like I asked, this wouldn’t have been an issue.” The boy jabbed back at you. 

The bickering went on for a while and concluded with both of you storming off in opposite directions. It wasn’t until Wanderer entered the second room over that he remembered what he was trying to say...... “Ugh, smooth.” He scowls.

<A/N: Hello again! I forgot this one was so long! Thanks for the love I've been receiving on my other works! I read them all and they got me kicking my feet and twirling my hair frfr!>

#genshin #genshin headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin impact #genshin x reader #arataki itto #genshin xiao #bennett x reader #bennett genshin impact #genshin venti #venti x reader #genshin impact venti #venti #xingqiu #xingqiu genshin impact #xingqiu x reader #itto x reader #genshin itto #itto #xiao x reader #xiao #wanderer x reader #wanderer genshin #genshin scara #scaramouche

[hvlplvss]

| LIGHT SHOWER

colby brock x singer!reader

summary: in which, colby brock is watching the opening show of his girlfriends tour, PORTALS, and he comes to realise a song is dedicated purely to him.

warnings: pure fluff. that’s all i have to say at this point. small mention of previous bad relationships

authors note: inspired by the song LIGHT SHOWER by melanie martinez. ur baso melanie martinez in this lmao. absolutely love her so i had to. but please just search on tiktok or smth ‘melanie martinez portals’ so you have an idea!!!

y/n has released her fourth album ever this year. PORTALS. something completely different from the rest of her albums.

a new era, most would call it. after creating the K-12 film, it took deep consideration and thought of the next steps in her career. which is when she came up with the idea of the fairy/nymph creature her music persona would become.

exploring this route, changed her entire aesthetic and when she disappeared off of social media for ages people began to speculate.

she’d even stopped appearing in her boyfriends youtube videos. y/n use to frequently take part in sam and colby’s ghost hunting videos, but after finishing her K-12 tour, she disappeared.

there was rare occurrences where colby would post her on instagram, only because y/n had agreed. but other than that, no one knew what was going on.

but here she was now with her fairy outfit on. the mask with four eyes, and the big fairy ears that stopped near her neck. the wig and the costume which were all purely based on the aesthetic of the album.

denver, colorado. the first show of the PORTALS tour. no one knew what to expect.

even colby didn’t know what to expect. he wasn’t even allowed to listen to the songs yet. y/n wanted to surprise him with all the music when he first watched the tour.

so he had no clue what to expect either. but to say he was excited was an understatement.

the boy was in awe of what his girlfriend had created. her imagination being the biggest ever. and no one seemed to be able to surpass her alternative, yet insanely creative ways.

sam and colby had agreed on taking a small break, while y/n made this huge leap. sam would of course go to the first concert with colby, accompanying his best friend, and supporting his other close friend.

the boys had brought a camcorder, so they could capture little things from y/n’s show on a cute little vhs film, which colby knew y/n would adore. and he was right.

colby and y/n walked slightly in front of sam backstage, holding hands, while sam secretly recorded the couple on the vhs.

the two swung their hands back and forth, colby being careful of the gloves which y/n wore to add to the look.

“it’s crazy, y’know?” colby said.

y/n looked up at him, “what’d you mean?”

“just, you. like i remember watching you at the last shows of crybaby and now you’re here. and i get to experience all of this with you. i just feel so lucky to have someone as smart and creative as you,” he explained.

y/n smiled, squeezing colby’s hand as they approached the wings of the stage, “you gonna go stand in front of the barricade?” y/n asked. colby nodded, “try to not to get taken down by crazy people,” y/n joked.

colby laughed, looking down at his girlfriend. “i am so so lucky,” he repeated. he gently pressed a kiss to her hair, careful of the mask, which was hand-painted to perfection. “i love you y/n, truly,”

y/n smiled, “i love you colby,” she was handed her microphone, as he began walking away, sending her a little cute wave as he disappeared.

now this song just meant even more for her to be able to perform.

sam had stuck in the wings, while colby had disappeared in front of the stage, waving at the few fans who managed to secure spaces at barricade. he held the camcorder in one hand, getting ready to record the first snippet as soon as he could.

“hello earthlings. it’s me, crybaby. i know you can’t see me. but i’m still here. wanna know a secret? there’s still a piece of me trying to become an angel. look into the light and repeat after me. our energy can’t be destroyed, we find our light within the void. we’ve been here before, we can do it again. the evolution will never end. we are protected, we are immortal. and tonight, we step into the portal,”

a note began and y/n stepped onto stage in her fairy form. “death is life, is death, is life, is death, is life, is,” drum beats.

colby picked up the camcorder as his girlfriend stepped forward, closer to the edge of the stage.

he looked in awe of the girl, taking in every little bit about her and how far she had come. the people she was able to bring together.

she was nearing the end of the fourth song on the album, ‘faerie soiree’. quite an upbeat song, which then faded into a slow ending, so far colby’s favourite song out the four he had heard.

watching his girlfriend dance across the stage, feeling her music so dearly. as the song ended, y/n’s four dancers walked off of the stage, leaving her alone.

new music started, the intro beginning to play. the girl walked forward to the edge of the stage, going down to her knees, sitting on her feet.

she sat in the centre of the stage, reaching out for colby’s hand, who gladly held on. y/n moved the microphone updward towards her lips. she looked at the boy in front of her.

“you are the light I've been searchin' for forever. feels like, man, i’ve really never felt the rain. buried in the desert, didn't think i’d push through the dirt. you just cleansed me like a waterfall, you came”

colby had then realised, there was a song written for him. y/n never fully wrote songs for someone. she always wrote them based on a broader subject.

however colby, didn’t want to jump to conclusions immediately, so he just continued to stare directly at his girlfriend, who didn’t take her eyes off of him.

“i’m screamin' like a kettle on a stove. you cranked the heat up, i was cold. my past grew mold around my heart. and all my anger, sadness, regret disappeared. it’s madness, i’m not used to all this water, love, it's true,”

this was what confirmed it for colby. as cocky as it sounds. y/n was singing for him. she was singing to him and only him.

he knew all about her past and how she was treated previously. and he’d promised to give her everything he could, treat her with the upmost respect and love. and that’s what he did.

“but you made me want to. plan out my last days on earth, eating you. ooh-ooh-ooh. the tips of your teeth fit perfect in me. you’re a shower of light i’d devour, anyday of the week. baby, cleanse me,”

the song had finished, and if colby was lying, he’d say he didn’t cry. but that boy had tears in his eyes and people who were standing off to the side behind him, could tell.

y/n let go off his hand, blew a kiss and ran off stage, preparing for her next song. colby wiped his left eye, to stop the tear that was so close to running down his face.

as the dancers came back on, dancing while y/n prepared to come on for her next song, colby picked up the camcorder and pretend like he didn’t just fall further in love with the girl.

colby assumed it was nearing the end of the show, as y/n was now finishing her 15th song, so he left from the barricade and walked back to the wings of the stage, meeting sam, who stood with his phone out, recording her from the sides.

sam noticed colby’s oncoming presence, “you alright there, colby?” sam asked, putting his phone down and turning to his friend.

“yeah, just you know, taking everything in,” he nodded.

“saw you shed a couple of tears down there, bro,” sam patted colby on the back, but he shoved his arm off.

“shut up,” he said in embarrassment.

sam rolled his eyes, “it’s fine colby. when y/n came off stage, she was crying. not in a bad way or anything. i think she just can’t believe everything, and having you here after everything she went through,” sam explained.

colby smiled slightly, looking down to the ground, “i really love her you know,” colby spoke, his eyes darting to the stage watching y/n finish her final song.

“and she loves you, so much,” sam replied, “she called you her light shower or whatever,”

#colby brock #colby brock imagine #colby brock smut #colby brock x reader #sam and colby #sam golbach x reader #smut #sam and colby smut #melanie martinez #portals #crybaby #k 12 #singer #Spotify

[reallyromealone]

Rome? Are you taking any request at the moment? If you are the may I please request a Kaeya Alberich x Male Reader? Where reader comes off as a mysterious, mystical dancer who’s travelling the world, hoping to help inspire others. But in actuality he’s is actually hiding his ability to be able to transform into an dragon, an ice dragon the specific. So as reader is fleeing from his chasers, Kaeya comes to his rescue and the rest is history. I hope this is enough for you to work with. Also take your time and down forget to drink water and get plenty of sleep. 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

I absolutely got you my dude

Male reader - dragon male reader - fluff

🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷☁️🩷

Dragons were a concept long forgotten, myths and nothing more.

(Name) looked at Mondstadt fascinated, the smell of foods and the liveliness made him feel warm inside, wandering through the town in clothes blended from the different countries as he never stayed long enough to have a collection of clothes.

(Name) danced for the gods, for safety and well being not just for himself but for those around him, wanting nothing but peace amongst the people.

"A dragon?" Kaeya looked surprised and Venti nodded "dragons are extremely rare, Dvalin is the only one I know of" the retired god said "many dragons have an ability to obtain a human look, there's dragons you may have met and never even known"

"What do we do? If word gets out there's a dragon it could cause problems" Amber said and the others thought "we better find him fast then"

(Name) was thankful for the coin given by people entranced by his dance (think of yunas summoning dance in final fantasy X) and the dancer sat at the steps of the cathedral and split the coin evenly before giving one half to the small donation box for the cathedral.

"Beautiful dancing" a voice commented and (name) turned to see a beautiful man with long navy hair and eye patch "why thank you, I travel and dance for the gods" (name) said kindly as he collected his things "that's quite honorable of you, I haven't seen you here before" Kaeya mentions and (name) stood adjusted his belongings "I'm passing through, I just wanted to stop here before going to Sumaru" (name) explained as he walked past Kaeya "I see, quite the adventurer" Kaeya joked and walking beside (name) he noticed how...cold he was.

Not personality but he just radiated a slight chill.

Though Kaeya couldn't say much as he was well was rather chilly to the touch due to his element.

Kaeya came to watch (name) dance every day and was in awe, he still hadn't found the dragon sadly but the dancing was wonderful.

"The dragon..." Someone realized as they looked at the dancer... Something wasn't right, his eyes weren't quite right.

He was to perfect.

(Name) was wandering to the tavern after collecting money and offering to Barbados when he smelt someone in his proximity and turned to see someone quickly hide behind a corner and (name)s hands got colder as he grew more defensive.

(Name) darted around corners as more hooded figures appeared and (name)s heart sped up, the city was far to small for him to transform.

(Name) felt his heart rate pick up as ice formed from under his feet, and he tried to find any escape route "you thought you could hide dragon? Pathetic" rope wrapped around (name)s ankle and he fired blindly as scales formed on his skin and (name) felt fear fill his being, he couldn't transform here to escape without risking lives.

"FUCK!" One of the goons screamed as a sword impaled his shoulder and (name) looked to see Kaeya "came to ask you for dinner but I see your rather tied up" Kaeya said joking but his tone said something VERY different as he proceeded to rock the goons shit, (name) froze the area around him to protect himself, he made a vow to not harm humans and was a strict pacifist.

But that didn't mean he couldn't watch someone else fight.

Kaeya walked to (name) after the crooks were handled "so you're the dragon... That explains a lot" Kaeya joked as the ice melted around (name) "thank you..." (Name) whispered as he stood up and Kaeya smiled "of course"

(Name) was awkward and uncomfortable as his scales retracted back and he looked more human "it's in my kinds nature to give our utmost loyalty to those who save our lives" (name) said seriously and Kaeya just huffed playfully "how about you let me take you to dinner?"

"That's all you want?"

"I'm not going to abuse me saving you, it's the right thing to do"

"...then I will accept your dinner invitation"

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x male reader #kaeya x male reader #kaeya x reader #male reader #x male reader #x reader

[obae-me]

i have a suggestion!

obey me brothers reacting to "would you still love me if I was worm?"

The age old question. I'd be glad to do some little headcanons for you! These should be cute!

Lucifer

What kind of question is that?...

He's going to take it way too literally. He can't help it, he's an overthinker. "Why would you be a worm? Is it due to a curse? Then I would simply break the curse for you."

He can't quite seem to wrap his head around the scenario. Because...you are simply not a worm. Yes, he loves you, and if you were unfortunately turned into such a little creature, he would do anything in his power to turn you back.

If somehow, in some other timeline, you were once and always a worm, why would he fall in love with you then? How does one go about loving a worm?

Please help him, he's so confused.

Eventually, even if he doesn't quite get it, he'll go the gentlemanly route. "No matter what form you happen to take, I will always love you."

Mammon

Eh? Why are you asking him such gushy things? But...yeah...obviously.

"I could fit ya around in my pocket then! Do you think worms would be good at stealing stuff? Eh, probably not, you'd be smaller than a Grimm. And I would hate to see ya get smushed."

He doesn't overthink it, which this time around is the right answer. Good boy, Mammon!

Of course, as much as he would continue to love you as a worm, boy, does he sure love you just as you are now.

"Just don't go plannin' on getting turned into a worm anytime soon, please. I'd have to bail ya out, and that can be costly. I'd never let you leave my side again."

Levi

Aha! He knows this one! He's been on the internet, he knows what this question is all about!

So, of course, he can say with mild confidence, that he would! "Always! No matter what shape you take, I'll always l-l-lo-love you!" Perfect! Said just like a cheesy anime line. "Just...stay away from Henry 2.0 if you become a worm, okay?"

Maybe he could keep you on his desk, so you could watch him play games and share shows together...wait...do worms even have eyes?

They don't?! Then that would be sad...but he won't go back on his answer!

But seriously, his heart probably couldn't take it if you were a worm forever. Satan might be more of a fan of those sad-ending stories, but he's not!

Satan

What a curious question...

If you were a cat, he'd obviously still love you. "Out of all the world's creatures, why a worm? Is there something about them I don't know about? No? Why don't you turn into a little kitty instead?"

He doesn't fully get the question. You'll have to explain to him that it's not about turning into a worm, but if you would still be taken care of!

Well, if that's all it's about, of course he would still care for you. Just don't eat his books please if you happen to become a bookworm.

"If you're oh-so-curious, I could probably find a spell to turn you into a worm right now."

He's just joking, but he did enjoy the look of mild panic on your face.

Asmo

Of course he would!

Surprisingly enough, he answered that easily, and maybe not quite the answer you expected. "I could keep you in the garden! Oh, or maybe not, what if you got eaten?! Oh, I know! I'd get a little plant for my room and keep you there!"

He simply knows he would find you adorable no matter what!

He doesn't really know what a worm needs, but he would be willing to learn.

He'd get a special fancy plant mister and make sure even as a worm that you'd be moisturized and hydrated! Maybe he'd even make a special Devilgram for you!

"Aw, but then I wouldn't be able to kiss your cute face! Try not to become a worm if you could help it, m'kay?"

Beel

A worm?

He'd be sad if that happened and you couldn't return to normal... "Do worms eat a lot? They do? So you wouldn't go hungry? Good. Could I feed you leftovers?"

Of course he would love you no matter what you were. And he promises that he wouldn't eat you.

Don't ask why he would potentially eat a worm in the first place.

Just thinking about it all makes him seem to love you more while you remain not a worm.

He's got to make sure he can hug you and eat plenty of meals with you while you're still human.

Belphie

You're such a weirdo...but sure, why not?

That's what you want to hear, right? "I bet it would be peaceful under all that dirt. Like a huge blanket. Oh...but then I wouldn't be able to sleep with you anymore. Then no, I take it back, I wouldn't love you if you were a worm."

Brat.

He acts like he falls asleep right after his answer, but really, he's thinking about it further.

Worms are pretty low maintenance, right? He'd just have to make sure no one ate you or crushed you...maybe too much work then.

"If you were a worm, maybe I'd just find a way to be a worm too. Then I wouldn't have Lucifer bother me so much. Then we could just be lazy worms together."

A surprisingly sweet outcome.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie

[good-beanswrites]

THE MIKOTO FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS FIC WAS SO SILLY thats literally how i discovered you, never seen a better fic on my dash..... is there any way you could write something similar where fuuta gets water poured on him like a wet cat. now that i know the prisoners will go to ungoldy lengths to cure their boredome i need more content

LMAO thank you so much!! I so glad you liked it -- and I can assure you I would love nothing more than to pour a bucket of water on everyone's saddest wettest cat -- thank you for the request! 😂

“Everyone knows the greatest way to combat boredom is psychological warfare.” 

Yuno said it very matter-of-fact. Fuuta nodded in agreement.

Es was left to stare blankly at the two prisoners summed before them. “Is that supposed to explain why my panopticon floor is soaked, or why Fuuta is dripping water all over my office…?”

“It started a few weeks ago,” Yuno added, as if that would help.

“What started a few weeks ago?”

Fuuta shrugged. “Like she said. We got bored.”

“You got… bored.”

At last, Yuno explained. It didn’t take long, she told them, for the usual methods of entertainment to lose their charm. Conversations and games could only hold them over for so long. As soon as they lost interest in those things, she knew it was time to give the mental torture route a try. 

“Of course,” Es deadpanned.

“Of course!”

She was an expert at pranks, and from very early on she was able to see that Fuuta would be the perfect nemesis.

You see, everyone else took some time to figure out. She realized Mikoto took the fastest showers and used the most products, so it was easy to swap out one of his bottles just before a rapid wash. His hair was pink for two glorious weeks. She saw that Shidou was as organized as he was independent, so once she started moving and hiding his possessions, it took a long time of searching around in silent, stubborn confusion before he finally caught on. She noticed Muu was particular enough about the way she took her coffee that it only took one tiny tampering and a huge sip was spit directly into Haruka’s face. 

But Fuuta? Oh, Fuuta. There wasn't anything to figure out. He was like Mahiru in that way – what you see is what you get. He was unlike Mahiru in other ways – no one would ever dream of pranking her so often. But Fuuta could walk into a joke like no other. His reactions were just as big and outrageous every time. He was practically asking Yuno to prank him. And when had she ever refused a man?

“Hey!” Fuuta’s ears had gone bright red. “It’s not like I’m some pathetic loser!” He stuck his chin up. “I fought back just fine, don’t you worry.”

(That was, in fact, exactly what Es had been worried about.)

Both he and Yuno found themselves on the receiving end of some scares and fake bugs. They both had to struggle through a mouthful of something disgusting at one time or another. Important possessions went missing right at the very worst time. It was awful, they said. It was infuriating. Unbearable. So, naturally, they kept going. 

Which brought them to today’s stunt. With a little boost from Mikoto to get everything in place, and a captive audience gathered in the panopticon, Yuno pulled it off easily. 

They all peered around the corner at cell 003. Loud snoring echoed from inside, despite the late hour of the morning; Fuuta was the heaviest sleeper of the bunch. Yuno checked that everyone was in place. Then she cupped her hands around her mouth.

“Fuuta!” She called urgently. “Come quick! Get dressed, it's Es!” There was clattering around within the cell. It took everything in her to hold in a giggle as she added, “hurry!!” 

The bars swung open, tipping the carefully placed bucket of water above. 

Yuno bid Es to picture the beauty of the moment: the ice-cold water falling in a perfect, glimmering arc as it hit its target with a wonderful splat.

Fuuta froze in the entryway. He was missing a shoe. The half of his uniform he’d managed to get on wasn’t even fastened correctly. It, and the pajamas underneath, were entirely soaked through. His hair clung to his face, darkened and dripping. He swept it aside to reveal, in place of his characteristic fierce gaze, the saddest, most bleary eyes the prisoners had ever seen. His mouth gaped open in confusion. He shivered, flinging little droplets into the massive puddle below.

“I should have requested a camera…” she mused. His grogginess had worn off quickly, but there still existed a single moment where she could have snapped the funniest photo in existence. 

“Fuck off, it wasn’t that funny,” Fuuta clarified.

“Oh, it really was,” Yuno assured them.

Es delivered their scolding. They said this behavior was immature. They would not stand for nonsense like this in their prison. All further pranks and practical jokes were strictly banned. After dismissing the pair, they crossed their arms. 

Damn, they wish they could’ve been there…

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #yuno kashiki #thank you so much asdfsdf this made me so happy to receive! i had so much fun with this one omg #last time i kept it mysterious but i wanted a clear culprit this time and who better than yuno #i can just picture it 😌 #theres nothing quite as satisfying as dumping a bucket of water on your faves #i pictured it in t1 but he would look even sadder and wetter with the eyepatch ;---; #drabbles

[shatcey]

William is almost perfect

I remember very vaguely (what's the point of remembering something that has already changed) that I was opposed William for a very long time. I didn't like his creepy eyes, I was very scared of his abilities, and of course I didn't like how much the developers were pushing us in his direction. It's Newton's third law in action, I guess.

But when I started reading his route on JP, I was surprised how different he was from what I expected.

And at the end of his route, I cannot say I fell for him, but I really start to respect him as an incredibly strong person with a very strong life philosophy.

But… When I started reading his route on EN… It turned out that I had missed so many details. I didn't understand half of his jokes and his very poetic way of expressing his thoughts. He's like a very strong magnet. Everything he does has a huge impact on me, and I understand why (almost said Belle) Kate fell for him so much.

He is very kind, patient, always listens to what she wants, always gives her what she wants. His voice is strong and soft at the same time, it has flirtatious notes and it's incredibly warm. His laugh is one of a kind… so infectious, honest and bright. I can't remember the last time I heard real laughter in a game. No, that's a lie… Wolfie has a wonderful laugh.

Back to Willy...

I like his design, in fact, all his expressions. I like the way he talks. I like that he touches Kate often, but not in a way that it start to seems oppressive or bothersome. And I really like the moments when he judges… He is so strong and tall, righteous indeed, and so, so hot… like fire… no, even more than that.

But where is the one, no, two things that keep me from falling for him completely.

I have never understood the mass obsession with roses and strawberries. They are quite common and, in my opinion, quite ordinary. But so many people are obsessed with them, as if nothing better had ever existed. I think this is probably the result of good marketing, nothing more. So… as you've probably already guessed, I don't like either one. I can't say I don't like them, I just can't call them my favorites. And Will… he, like most people, likes these two things.

He smells like roses. I can't even imagine that. This smell is very sweet and (perhaps this will sound like sexism) feminine. If he likes it, so be it, I just can't imagine a man who wearing this scent in real life.

Funny… I didn't mind the vanilla from Liam and mint from Harry. They also smell sweet, but somehow more neutral. Hey… I don't remember Ellie's smell… And Alfie… No, I remember Alfie, he smelled of several scents, after all, he spent a lot of time with a lot of people… Does this mean that he has no smell? It reminds me of the Perfumer... No! Gross! Awful thought! Go away!!! Shoo…

Back to Willy...

So… I really like his route. And I feel each Kate's pain as my own, and that makes it quite personal. But no matter how good Will is, roses have always been and will be a turn off to me. I'm sorry, Willy…

You're not making it easy for me, aren't you?…

Off topic

I still don't have much free time. But I believe this weekend I will finally be able to read Liam's 1st anniversary epilogue. And hopefully there will be something interesting that I want to share with you. If not, I'll come up with something else…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🔝 Start page 🔝

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#cybird ikemen #cybird #ikemen series #ikemen games #ikemen villains #ikemen villians #ikevil #william rex #ikemen william #ikevil william #liam evans #ikemen villains liam #ikevil liam #ikemen liam #harrison gray #ikevil harrison #elbert greetia #ikemen villains elbert #ikevil elbert #alfons sylvatica #ikemen alfons #ikevil alfons

[halfagone]

Sudden thought I had:

Phantom, after everything he did for Amity, now being an adult (I'm putting at 27 here) with the necessary emotional maturity to recognize that he doesn't owe them anything, seals the portal, places the entire frame in his lair for safekeeping, along with all the blueprints his parents had, and leaves to go explore the world, like his little girl likes to do so much (I'm a sucker for Danny adopting Ellie, and being very supportive of her while also being always ready to be summoned next to her and crack some skulls if needed).

While going through Paris, and finding a pair of teenage heroes, like he and Valerie had once been, Danny decided he can take a break from his travelling to helpd these baby heroes and give them the training and support they need.

They get along better than anyone expected. Danny is Life and Death, Balance personified. Who else would be better to teach the hosts of Creation and Destruction than the one who embodies both in perfect balance?

I'm envisioning Danny sits down to have a nice chat with the Guardian about getting the kids proper training, and he's not going anywhere. The kwami in the box swarm him because he feels like a spirit of incredible power, and really, what else would happen except Danny finding himself taking spiritual custody over two teenage heroes who are clearly way over their heads fighting literal adults.

Step number one: get legal custody of Adrien Agreste and get his father charged to the fullest extent of the law for being so negligent to his own son.

I'm seeing this going 2 ways:

Danny gets custody over Adrien, moves into an apartment next to the Dupain-Cheng bakery, and their place becomes Vigilante Central, with Phantom often watching over the kids as they go out at night, typically going invisible to not give away his presence.

Hawkmoth tries one last desperate move to get the Miraculous before the police come for him. He takes to the field...and is subsequently trounced by Phantom, who beats him into the ground for picking on a bunch of children instead of getting therapy.

Plucking the Miraculous and setting the kwami within free from the old man's control, certainly expedited the process of acquiring custody over Adrien, but it also sent the poor boy spiraling for a while.

Or 2:

Their entire issues are solved by Gabriel being unable to use his Miraculius, because prison doesn't really...allow...jewellery. Which means Hawkmoth no longer shows up. Until Natalie, ever loyal to her boss, picks up the Moth Miraculous and tries to make his dreams come true. Except Phanton is...a little more ready to throw hands, and by the gods she's going to catch them whether she wants to or not.

By the end of it, Danny just doesn't really go anywhere else. Just stays in France full-time to help raise these two reckless kids. And sure, Marinette has her own wonderful parents. Doesn't mean Adopted Cousin Fenton won't spoil her rotten and enable all her chaotic gremlin tendencies while also keeping her safe. Add Ellie into the mix, and Paris has never been more happy and yet annoyed by all these gremlin heroes running around, cracking the most awful jokes and keeping the city safe.

I actually really like the idea of option 2, not gonna lie. I like the slow, dawning realization some people might have, Adrien specifically, as they realize the possible reason for Hawkmoth's sudden disappearance. While I usually like public reveals for Danny, for Hawkmoth I actually prefer more low-key ones because I know people would probably blame or question Adrien for not knowing sooner. (Because let's face it, this is the same world that lets kids like Chloé get away with all sorts of stuff.) So I think if I ever wrote a fic following along with this kind of idea, I would actually go the route of #2.

You're giving me such brain worms, don't do this to me! One of these days I may actually have to commit to a crossover between these two specifically, and I already have so much to write TAT

#halfagone replies #dp x mlb

[imagines--galore]

I have another request to ask and idk if I want it to be stephen strange or zuko so you choose your pick lmao

Reader whose sleep deprived and gets super giggly and makes awful jokes/pickup lines but then messes it up badly. Tripping on stuff in their shared bedroom in the dark

Totally not based off of a video I recorded when I was sleep deprived.... i walked into the room like "you awake?" "Unfortunately" and then tried saying that stupid pickup line of someone being a meal but instead it came out as "who (wheezes) who needs a meal. Who-wh- who. Who needs dinner when you got a whole ass meal in your bed" proceeds to trip and faceplant

Pairing: Dr. Stephen Strange x Reader Rating || Genres || Warnings: T. Romance. None. A/N: Okay, but I had the perfect idea for this for Dr. Strange and I couldn't help writing this :3

The car lurched to a stop, prompting you to nearly fall forward from where you had been dozing against the window of the cab. Mumbling incoherently under your breath, you quickly fumbled with the cash, paying the driver the required amount before stepping out of the vehicle.

Your feet ached with every step. You had just come off a nearly sixty hour shift at the hospital, during which you had barely had any time to sleep. Whatever caffeine you had ingested had long since worked out of your system and now you could feel your body beginning to crash.

Though it seemed to still effect your system as you stumbled into the Sanctum, the doors locking automatically behind you. Dragging yourself up the stairs, you managed to reach your room and stepped in.

Dropping your bag on a table beside the door, you shoved off your shoes, almost tripping over your own feet. The act prompted you to giggle to yourself, and given that it was dark, you very nearly took down the small table next to you.

"Oh, I'm sorry." You managed to slur to the inanimate object as your phone pinged with a message once it connected to the wifi. "Shh..." You shushed the device. "Not so loud, Stephen's sleeping." You whispered to the phone as you managed to put the device on silent. However your fumbling around in the dark was enough to rouse your fiancée, who slowly sat up, blinking away the sleep in his eyes as he switched on the side lamp.

You blinked at the sudden light, a smile brightening your face as you waved at the half-naked man asleep in the bed. "Hi honey." You managed to work the words out despite the huge yawn that had you muffling them with a hand to your mouth. Stephan glanced at the clock. "You're still awake?" He asked as you walked over to your drawer and began rooting through the jumbled clothes inside to try and find something to wear for the night.

You hummed. "Unfortunately." Finding a shirt, you held it up in a triumphant gesture, prompting Stephen to smile at you as you began to remove your clothes en route to the bathroom, throwing the garments behind you as you went. Normally you would pick them up, but once you stepped out after washing up a little, you merely stepped over the clothes, kicking your shirt out of the way as you went. Stephen was still up, having started to read some sort of book while he waited for you.

Another huge yawn, one you didn't bother covering, echoed in the room as Stephen watched you fumble with the charger for your phone. "You need to stop volunteering yourself for unnecessary shifts." You shook your head. "They needed all the nurses Stephen. Some major car pile up on the highway." You explained as you moved to down an entire glass of water.

You head was still swimming with the combination of sleep deprivation and copious amounts of coffee as you stood there smiling dopely at the Sorcerer Supreme. "I think its best that you get in bed now. I can bring you something to eat if you'd like?" He moved as if he were about to stand, but a quick shake of your head had him stopping.

"Who would want something to eat with you in the bed?" Your words were slurred and almost incoherent as you tried to take a step towards the bed.

Try being the keyword here.

It didn't help that your feet got tangled in the very shirt you had kicked away and you fell to the floor face first. The impact had you groaning in pain as you immediately felt Stephen beside you, helping you up.

"Woops. I fell." You mumbled as he looked over you, making sure you hadn't hurt yourself. Stephen hummed. "Yes, you did. Perhaps its time you sleep then." You pouted. "Nooooo......." You moaned, throwing your head back and allowing yourself to slump against your lover. "No sleep. Want sexy time."

A deep chuckle sounded in the room as the man looked down at your pouting lip and wide pleading eyes with an affectionate smile. "I'll make you a deal. Lie down in bed and start reciting the Hippocratic Oath. If you get through the whole thing, we'll do whatever you want." He was referring to the oath every physician took, and though you would probably recite the short version, he knew you wouldn't be able to get through it.

You giggled. "Ooooooooo bringing a little doctor-nurse roleplay into the bedroom? Didn't know you preferred it that way Stephen." Standing up with his help, you climbed into bed, flopping down on your side with a loud moan. "God bless the person who invented mattresses." You mumbled as you snuggled deeper into the softness.

Stephen climbed in next to you as you turned your head so you could look at him. You shifted to settle against his side as his finger gently stroked through your hair.

Your lips began to mumble the oath, but with each passing word your eyes drooped heavily and sleep beckoned you, until finally, not even half done with the first sentence, you were fast asleep.

Stephen grinned. You would definitely be annoyed at having fallen for his trick to get you to sleep, but he knew you would appreciate him getting you to sleep. You could be a little irrational when sleep-deprived.

But seeing you act like you did a few minutes ago? It would all be worth it.

#stephen strange x reader #dr stephen strange x y/n #dr strange x reader #dr strange x y/n #marvel #dr stephen strange x reader

[itsclydebitches]

thank you for acknowledging how messed up the jane/beard ending is. as an abuse survivor it's been pretty bad seeing the controlling relationship he's in be treated like a joke (and then apparently it's true love? the finale was a let down in many many ways) especially when Keeley's arc with Jack controlling her this season was (rightfully) played straight? it's just the larger trend of "abuse is bad but it's funny when it happens to a man" and i wish ted lasso had been better than that

Same, same, same, anon -- and I'm so sorry to hear you've had personal experience with that. But it's reassuring to likewise hear that that's in your past.

I got a comment on one of my posts (which I bring up because the author has already blocked me and it's proving to be a useful example for a lot of things I want to talk about) basically rolling their eyes and saying that Beard and Jane aren't real people, so it doesn't matter. Besides, he's the comic relief!

Meanwhile I'm like:

Yes, it's hilarious that Beard is committing himself to an abusive relationship, unable to break away despite recognizing at times precisely how harmful this is (and yes, I'm being sarcastic). I'd actually be less frustrated by this if Ted Lasso had treated it as a joke across the whole show because as awful as that is, at least it's a common and understandable (from an ignorance perspective) trend in media. But the number of times we had the text overtly commenting on how horrible Jane is tells us that the writers are well aware that they're writing an abusive relationship and that commentary likewise tells us that they wanted to do something with it, like Keeley got. They just inexplicably... didn't. Beard does not leave Jane, Jane does not undergo self-improvement and become a better person -- the route I would expect a show like Ted Lasso to take, especially with Season 3 throwing out curve balls like Jamie forgiving his dad -- and their marriage is not treated as the mistake it was, settling simply on a realistic tragedy. Even if that montage was just a dream Ted was having, the fact that he's likewise well aware of how bad they are for each other just maintains the strangeness of that choice. I could buy a picture perfect wedding fantasy from a character who doesn't know either of them well and assumes they're just quirky, but Ted knows precisely what Jane has been doing to Beard, he knows Beard's history of self-destructive behavior (better than anyone), and he's consistently been shown to be uncomfortable with their relationship, yet unwilling to speak up about it. That's another bit of tragedy to add to the pile: not allowing Ted to undergo the growth needed to speak up on his best friend's behalf. Beard has consistently called Ted out on his flaws across the show -- sometimes in a rather cruel manner -- and I had hoped that they'd reach a point where the roles were switched and Ted could provide Beard with some tough love in turn.

My best guess at the moment is that the writers realized how little time they had compared to how much there still was to cover -- despite the claims that this would always be a three season show -- and they changed course as a result. There's no time to take them on one of the above journeys, so just play the relationship straight. Which, given my experience with some fandoms and their unwillingness to take into account anything but the most recent episode, Ted Lasso indeed might have been able to skate by on faulty memories/willful ignorance... if they hadn't tossed in another 'She tore up my passport! Isn't she a peach? :)' joke half an hour before we watched them get married.

#Ted Lasso #Coach Beard #Jane Payne #they literally named her 'pain' and had Beard comment on that #they knew what they were doing in season 2!! #they just... dropped it...

[my-soupy-brain]

I honestly believe that a foot rub from ted would cure me of all ailments & make me feel positively euphoric

Ooooh golly foot rubs are so nice, aren't they? I love them. And they don't hit the same when you rub your own. He'd love it. Let's goooo!

---

Relationship: Ted Lasso x reader

Warning: None, all fluff

---

Why you let Rebecca and Keeley convince you to buy these shoes you'll never know.

"They look great, babe!" they chimed together at the shoe store. You couldn't afford them but Rebecca took out her card and wouldn't hear a word about it.

You felt posh wearing them, that's for sure. The way they made your legs feel sexy.

Ted couldn't help but watch your hips sway as you walked away from his office in them, his hands in his pocket, shaking his head and letting lusty thoughts bounce around in his brain.

But now that you're back home, and you can take the damn things off, you realize why you didn't go for heels that high.

Ted was at your doorstep, ringing the bell when you shouted "Come in, babe!"

He waltzes in with a smile and sees you cradling your foot in your lap, rubbing with stiff thumbs against the arches.

"Aw, what's wrong honeybunch?" Ted asked, seeing your face in a slight amount of pain.

"New shoes," you wince. He smiles.

"Yeah, but they looked amazing," he replies, raising an eyebrow at you. "But it's no good if they're makin' ya feel like that. Come here, gimme them piggies."

Ted plops down on the end of the couch and encourages your feet to his khakied lap.

Once his big, warm hands and thumbs hit your feet you groan.

"Oh-ho! There we go, sweet spot," he jokes, rubbing out the kinks in your foot with a smile.

Your entire body relaxes. It's as if your boyfriend has a perfect route to the pleasure centers of your body. In more ways than one. But right now, this -- this is heaven.

You flip on the TV and turn on a silly movie.

"I don't know how you ladies do it," Ted murmurs, his fingers still working tight circles around the arch of your foot and under the toes. "Those heels are mighty nice to look at but if the cost of standin' a mile high is this I don't know if it's worth it."

You laugh and smile.

"I'm not usually a heels girl. I don't think I can wear them for very long, like I'd hoped," you joke.

"Ah, that's OK, darlin'," Ted mutters. "You can wear them as a special treat for me some night."

Your stomach flutters with butterflies.

"How's this foot?" he asks and you nod. "Better."

"Gimme that other one," he suggests, moving to your left foot and doing the same.

"Ahhhhhh, uggggh," you moan, feeling the tension release from the other foot.

"That's what I like to hear!" Ted jokes, his hands still working magically against your feet.

"I love this," you say under your breath. Ted raises an eyebrow. "What, foot rubs?"

You nod. "Just...touch. I'm not used to just...touch. And it's so nice, I think it's my love language." He smiles at you, raising the top of your foot to deliver a little kiss.

"Well, if that's your love language, I'm happy to speak it," he replies.

---

OK, now I REALLY need a foot massage from Ted. Dammit. He's so good at it. In our canon. Which is basically real, because we say it is. Thanks for the prompt, friend!

#ted lasso x reader #ted lasso fluff #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso fanfic #foot massages #ted is good at them with those big sexy hands

[degrees-of-fuck]

Lettie Infodump so I can talk about her here and it'll make sense

I realised I haven't properly explained what I ended up deciding my OC Lettie's uh... Deal is. I have an insane number of thoughts about her too. She's kinda my main general OC that I ported over to DoL cuz she's my main gal that I constantly rotate in my head, so this makes sense. But. Yeah. Anyway, attempting to explain miss lettice rosangel for people that follow my for my OCs for whatever goddamn reason. Infodump to provide Context about her for future posts - and a couple doodles below!

cw for more Blood Stuff than the usual DoL fare. Sucks 2 be a sacrificial lamb. and also for long.

OK so Path/ologic has always been one of the Lettie Games of All Time to me, but the way I adapted her into DoL was pretty heavily inspired by The Changeling's route (Though I also OFTEN make jokes about Cult of/the Lamb in relation to her.) Initially, because of her Dainty Woodland Weirdo vibes and stuff about her personality, I was gonna toss her at Eden and have her be a miracle-worker on the side when she's in town, but then she uh. Then she stopped being a PC and now she's just here. Among my other OCs. Doing whatever it is she does. God I really wanna do a comic based on the Pathologic intro with my PCs lol

anyway. What I actually ended up doing was making her Full Time miracle worker that was raised at the temple, because I found the image of her after being Found, spawned by the elements, getting thrown at it when her behaviour of inflicting indiscriminate psionic torture instead of crying and generally just being an absolutely horrifying creature kind of finally Broke Bailey and his goons a bit, so. Here, temple. Take this fucking thing. Kill it or exorcise maybe, I don't care just keep it away from me. And then she promptly started acting sweet as anything, having gotten old enough to start communicating a bit. (On her gaslight grindset even as an infant...)

SO. Her being thrown at the temple, plus her mysterious powers plus the circumstances of her 'birth' cleeaarly mean this is some kind of divine being, but the question of course is, In Which Direction? Upon realising that this even WAS a question, the obvious thing for her to do is to start acting the role of The Heavensent AS HARD AS POSSIBLE - Perfect and Pure and Incorruptible. Because being revealed to be even slightly bad might get her diagnosed with Lying Hellspawn. So. Yeah. Kind of a situation where you are sat up nicely on a pedestal, but don't have the Right to display any kind of moral greyness. Which is hard at times, because Lettie's kind of an asshole and only More inclined to be awful when she's being constantly treated in such a bizarre manner. Honestly even with her best efforts, I think there's murmurings of people thinking she isn't what she seems. The odd nun or monk cornering her out of sight about it and so on forth.

But yeah. Essentially, she exists more as a symbol than as a person with real thoughts or feelings. Performs illusion-based miracles, pretends to have visions and then makes them come true to fuck with people, lots of Charitable Good Deeds for Brownie Points... The OTHER thing her daily life seems to entail (Other than occasionally being molested by members of the church and overhearing people wanting to kidnap her) is being a BLOOD SACRIFICE. Her body sure is covered in weird scars from being bled on altars for religious ceremonies, or to just collect some lambs' blood for later use. And also sometimes being touched a lil inappropriately during That.

So yeah. Much thoughts on Perfection and Purity basically equating to Emptiness, Fractured Identity Stuff, Religious Trauma, the general horror-show that is the way the people that basically raised her treat her, the effects of the public eye and having to live a life where you're straight up Not Allowed to change or grow at all, because you're already supposedly Perfect. Just a hollow doll (Well not entirely hollow. She has Blood.) to project onto and adore, but also viciously blame whenever literally anything goes wrong. (I mean, is this a lamb or a goat? It's anyone's guess.)

Much Power but Zero Rights.

I have a lot of Other thoughts thematically and such but I find them hard to put into words that make sense so this is all you're getting for now.

Some Extra Facts About Her???

-Chronic Illness Moments! Being constantly a bit drained of blood, side-effects of psychic burnout plus just. Generally being sickly. This paired with the frequency with which she slips and slides around on temple floors on her sheepy hooves, I wanna start keeping count of how many times she almost gives Jordan a heart attack : )

-With her and Sydney both having kind of a IT'S COMPLICATED parental relationship with Jordan and both of them being how they are, I do NOT think Lettie likes Syd very much. Keeps telling on her when they see her break character a bit. And also is constantly just, there, being a human that she can be compared to. And if she's seen to be less virtuous than some fucking initiate, then it's OVER for her which is kinda terrifying. They rank above most of the nuns and monks at the temple on account of not personally mistreating her, but they sure do make her life harder and she delights in fucking with them.

-At some point, I made Original, Non DoL Lettie transfem because of thematic Gender stuff. Anyway I think that she came out via mix of "Your human genders don't make sense to be, but I like dresses :)" and gaslighting the temple into thinking she'd ALWAYS been this way. So she uh. Didn't come out. She gave herself bottom surgery via a terrifying blood ritual of her Own. Good for her.

-I think there is So much to explore with the Ivory Wraith. Idk the details yet, but... Yeah.

-Cuts her hair into a bob and shears her leg-wool in the summer. Also has to do smaller shearings/cuttings throughout the year probably. I think she spins it into yarn, bleaches and dyes it and knits with it. : ) Very into fiber arts in general. Sewing and embroidery and quilting are Fun and also no one can tell her idle hands are the devil's workshop if she's constantly doing something with her hands.

-I've still yet to settle on how to draw her fucking horns.

EDIT:

-Shortly after making this post, I decided she can be the PC Kylar fixates on, so I've been thinking of that. My other OC Edin already is kind of a fucking stalker, but. Yeah, it makes perfect sense for her to have multiple stalkers I think. Part of her whole deal is that she CONSTANTLY has EYES on her. Never free. Two stalkers, each with completely conflicting expectations of her is supremely on brand.

-Feeling of Kylar has figured out that she isn't what she presents herself as - but doesn't know who she actually is, instead deciding to view her as what they Want her to be, leading into the hgufkdsdjd, <3 <3 <3 You're So Naughty type shit. ... Don't tell Kylar she doesn't have a womb.

-Kylar maybe has Hopes relating to her ~special powers~ and what they could do for their parents??

#my art #Lettice the Heavensent #Lettie (DoL AU)

[lithiumcreepblog]

Steve Harrington & Jonathan Byers’

The Great American Road Trip

Day 2. 07/22/1993. St. Louis, MO to Cuba, MO. (Day 1.)

List of songs they played in the music alphabet game before it got interrupted when Jonathan spotted a sign to a nature reserve:

Another One Bites The Dust- Queen

Bastards of Young- The Replacements

Careless Whisper- George Michael

Death or Glory- The Clash

Eternal Flame- The Bangles

Friday I’m In Love- The Cure

A couple of dashing young gentlemen, according to the server at a roadside diner.

“Yep, we’re definitely lost.”

“How?! We’re literally driving on one highway.”

“Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. We must’ve missed the exit a couple miles back.”

“So why the hell are we still driving, Steve?”

“Hey, it’s okay. So what if we’re lost? Let’s embrace it… it’s not like we have to be somewhere by the end of the day. Let’s just take it easy, okay? Who knows where we’ll end up?”

“Ugh, I hate that you’re right. It’s just… I planned this perfect road trip for us and I wanted everything to go well.”

“Aw, come on, Jonathan. We’re going on this awesome adventure together, that already makes it perfect for me. Who cares if we miss out on some roadside attractions?”

“I know, I know… let’s embrace the lost.”

Directions to Missouri Baking Co. from a friendly guy they met near the motel

Day 2: We didn’t get in a lot of mileage compared to yesterday, but still a lot of fun. We spent the morning in St. Louis, going around the neighborhoods. We tried both the gooey butter cake and the concrete (bad name) since everyone we met said we had to try them. Jonathan couldn’t finish his root beer concrete so I finished it off for him, but I think my butterscotch was better. 10/10 desserts. Then we got out of the city and continued on our journey. We escaped the summer heat in the Meramec Caverns, which had some really interesting rock formations. It’s weird. I never realized America could be this beautiful, but it’s only been two days and I’m in awe of all the natural beauty around me. We spent the better half of the afternoon exploring near Stanton. Jonathan also got footage of some cowboys that we happened to run into, so we’re both pretty happy. We’re finally staying at one of the historic motels along the old route, and Cuba is such a charming little town that honestly reminds me of Hawkins a bit. I’ve realized on this trip so far that it’s not the destination that makes the journey memorable, but all the moments in between– the sights, the mishaps, the jokes. We plan to make it to Carthage tomorrow… I hope I can find some more souvenirs to take home.

#stonathan #jonathan byers #steve harrington #moodboard #ficlet #fanwork #stranger things #sj tgart #<- for tracking #this is a 10 day itinerary btw #so look forward to more bs coming your way

[inkforhumanhands]

⭐️ For Tethered pretty pretty please

Tethered was one of the rare fics that I wrote uninterrupted by other WIPs, as you can see in this handy graph which would usually be multi-colored for different fics:

I'm not super crazy about soulmate AUs (the only one I've written before was mostly so I could make the joke that Elektra looked for Matt's soulmark up his butt because he didn't have one- sorry I have a bad sense of humor), so I really wasn't sure what to do when I got the prompt for this one. I even went searching tumblr for different soulmate conceits because I really didn't have anything in mind, and I found one about soulmates being able to feel when their person is in danger. I thought, "Oh how perfect for Matt and Foggy, let's do it!" and then I did it lmao.

Then from there I listed out the times in season 1 that Matt would have been in danger and tried to figure out generally where Foggy would have been at the time, so plot-wise it pretty much just fell into place. The only thing left to decide was how the reveal would go, and again, guided by my awful sense of humor, I thought it would be really funny if Matt offered to let Foggy punch him in the face since he wanted to punch Daredevil so badly. I also went the less angsty route as far as the reveal because I don't like repeating canon if I can help it and also I am tired haha

I guess the moral of this story is that I am usually led by the guiding principle of "wouldn't it be funny if...?"

#asks #pomegranate-belle #mattfoggy

[inkperch]

What I would change: El

starting off strong with my all around faves (and buying more time for me to actually finish BLs but shh), the Black Eagles.

And swinging right for the fences: Edelgard.

No notes, perfection.

Jokes aside, first thing that comes to mind is getting rid of the stupid joke options in her rat support. Like, god I hated that- I didn't pick either, on my playthrough, and remember that support as one of her more interesting ones, only to see most people remember it for El's scream being cute. Which. Sigh.

Other than that, absolutely give her supports outside of her own house+ Lysithea. Even more than the other Lords, she's the one who needed that, and it baffles me she didn't get it, they would not only allow her to get some juicy conflicting stances on her whole plan, but they would give the game a chance to justify why the other characters are willing to fight and die against their own country. As for the neat character stuff of her only supporting with those in her own house (The whole 'she doesn't let anyone get closer than the mask she wears' thing Edge of Dawn is all about-), just keep all of her other supports locked to post timeskip- hammering home that your actions have allowed her to let down her walls, just a little, and believe that people will follow her even when they know the real her-

Probably for the specifics I'd say the feargus four would need it most on their end of it (to explain why those three would follow her against their actual, genuine, friend in CF) (I'll go into that more when I finish BL when I do the Lions) , Leonie could get a pretty neat one about the fact El is. Kinda sorta absolutely complicit in Jeralts death, and shes going to honour her promise to Jeralt to look out for Byleth, but she's not best pleased with where that path has lead her. And just to even it out between BL and GD, Lorenz would have a fascinating tension with El, given that he'd be aligned with her whether he wanted to be or not, placing him on significantly more shaky ground on whether or not she trusts him-

(Mercedes would also be a good shout for a support, especially seeing as there's a certain someone to motivate you to recruit her on CF, but I feel that would, execution wise, likely end up too similar to Manuela's supports)

Which yeah, just a general aside, I'm absolutely giving all four (yeah four, I'm doing Ashen Wolves too) Lords more supports all around. Lord Supports are like, the place to explore the different routes differing character motives- (not applicable to AW, but doesn't need to be all four of them are getting more supports)

And, one that may be more of a hot take than above: downplay the fuck out of the romantic implications, replace them with Byleth filling the parental void in El's life. This is, to be completely honest, my read of canon anyway, the 'oh look, El's got a crush' moments all read a lot more of a general 'oh look, El's embarrassed to admit she's got a softer side,', and it really enhances the foil status between her and Rhea/Serios to read her relationship with Byleth as her seeing them as a parent and mentor- for. Somewhat self explanatory reasons. Rhea is commiting atrocities to get her mother back, El softens enough to commit far less atrocities because she has someone who can fill that role in her life (and also. She just really needs good parental figures yall-) (I have no doubt I'm gonna feel the same about Dmitri when I'm done with BL, these kids just need parents who aren't dead-)

Also: give her a way to get her hands on Seiros' stuff. Hell, give her only the shield (odds you're using SwordEl are low anyway), tweak Rhea's stats to accommodate and have her always discard it as a sign of just how much she's slipping on a CF route- she's so thoroughly stopped giving a damn about her own safety it's sword only time, get ready to be stabbed-

Let El find it on some routes as like a side quest or a map specific thing (The overall lack of late game optional quests does annoy me a bit overall)

Also on gameplay: pleeeeease let me use El's cool armour look as Wyvern Knight. I wanna see her cool badass armour but I can't because I like being able to move--

One last story note: give us more about El's siblings. Tell us about them, make us feel their absence in the narrative. Probably easier to do through Hubie than through El herself, given her absolute point blank refusal to dwell on the past, but if handled right could work as a show of her character development- she's no longer charging blindly into the future, shes willing to confront the pain of her past. (especially could work if you actually got to fight the Slithers, preferably pre-final-boss, and so get too actually see the part where she finally gets out of her abusers thumb which oh yeah that's a whole chunk of her character I would handle differently that I'm saving for when I get to talking about the Slithers-)

I think that's about it? And yes I did go back to doing these as one per character, it was getting long shh, gonna go through the BE in whatever the hell that order they default too in menus is meant to be, then the Golden Deer, Blue Lions, Ashen Wolves, the church, and then the Slithers (and then probably one or two 'oops I forgot to mention this' posts lol) gonna try and do at least one a day.

#fe3h #fire emblem #three houses #edelgard von hresvelg #edelgard fire emblem #It's been a hot minute since I finished my first CF and I only just started my second #So this is the one most likely to get a follow up lol #(will it be entirely bitching about armoured units? MAYBE) #fire emblem 3 houses

[fruit-salad-ship]

Ive binged so much brainrot (also normal stuff, congrats on the new site release!) This may have already been done, but: world where the trio were born rotated? Ie grey's born in peach's rough situation, peach is born into the stuffy riches and aloof family, plum gets grey's comparitively standard childhood

oof, the tough job of imagining what Grey would do with the same childhood Peach had.

So I guess step by step here:

Grey grew up being pushed to do things no child should have to do, it made him tough, it made him harsh, but under no circumstance was he ever going to take over the family business, male heirs did not happen, and seeing as the other cousins were boys too, he was pushed aside, in favour of his younger sister, born a year after him, another try for a girl. Her appearance brought out the worst in him, he was palmed off on staff and forgotten with the other two cousins, given tasks and work to keep him busy and out of the adults hair, all the while watching his sister get the attention he thought he deserved too. The boys bond, perhaps even plot in their older ages to overthrow the women in charge, but are always too afraid to try, its a harsh life but they've got it good, everything their twisted little hearts desire, so why mess with that? Grey can go off and start fights, his size and power means he's gained a reputation, rivalled only by the older cousin, who hit the gym to keep up with him, they compete a lot because of this. Together they keep staff in line, deals go smoothly, and pokemon bend the knee to them. They endlessly pick on the 3rd cousin, small and lanky in comparison, the youngest, an easy target. Grey does not find joy in things, he is not an inventor, not calm or collected, he was pushed too hard, and it made him cold. Plum instead of her elitist life comes from more humble beginnings, a huge loving family all piled into one big home, they laugh and joke together, theres a distinct change in her habits, she's happier, she feels less on the spot, like she doesn't have to perform, to be perfect. Her family dote on her, she's a middle child, not responsible enough to be in charge, not young enough to need help, just happy medium. The support and human connection she gains makes her life an open book, she travels and mixes with a lot of people, and puts out a very cheery disposition, able to adjust to situations and different folks from all walks of life. Her people skills are exceptional, others let their guards down around her. She may not have the money, nor the power, she doesn't get to do things in first class, or mess with the finer things in life, but she finds joy in new things, simpler things. Her friends are her world, she visits home often, and radiates warmth, a sweet disposition. Her passion to protect the ones she loves drives her hard, she's never had any trauma or neglect, so when bad things happens she can crumble a bit, not being prepared for it as much. Goes down the Pokemon Breeder route, really good with eggs and youngsters, seeing as she's got so many brothers and sisters, naturally adept at handling that energy.

Peach is an elitist asshole, growing up with money, praise, too many options, and not enough rules, she's been off the leash since as long as she can remember, took up several hobbies, spent countless hours indulging in things like Polo and fencing, loves to hang out at the golf club or by the pool. Her attitude is painfully 'better than you' at every turn, but she lacks any sense of humility. Her pokemon are papered beyond belief, making them fussy and difficult. She has no need to fight and so never got buff, no need to be anything more than the typical ideal daughter, which she does when she can be bothered. She is probably the most sheltered of the three, and gets a little overwhelmed in situations that are unfamiliar to her. Quick tempered still but its more annoying, less for good reason. She's basically awful! Theres a lack of authority in her life, so when having to follow rules, she fails quite spectacularly, and doesn't care either. Very two faced. Lonely.

none of their pokemon would be the same, none of their hobbies or talents. Totally different people hah

#fruit salad #brainrot

[airlock]

I’ve seriously taken my sweet time getting to work on the post (and finishing it) this time but, friends and folks, I’ve done it; I’ve completed the Scarlet Blaze route of Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes, and with it, I’m one full cycle in. it’s time for my final reaction ramble -- pertaining not only to the route itself but also to the game as a whole!

and to make this preface for the last time: well, by now, you probably know about the thing where things go a little bit differently pending whether you kill Byleth or get them on board. well... this time around, I finally got them on board, actually! shout-out to @asexualglimmer​ for being my guy on that front, although ultimately, figuring out what I had to do was remarkably simple -- actually doing it was what ended up taking three tries- but hey, I did it, so, I’m now on the other side of that thing as well!

the last couple times I did this, I led off by enthusing about a particular character, who may or may not be the protagonist of the route. well, why not lead off the same way this time? because I’ve sure got someone in this route I could gush about for days...

... and to be precise it’s Hubert. holy hell. Hubert was already an outstanding character in Three Houses, but by now this is just showboating. above all else, it’s because of how Robbie Daymond served unregulated amounts of cunt throughout the game; it was very tragic actually, thousands turned up dead. from the pussy overdose. but anyways, the script he was giving all that life to was no slouch either; Three Hopes gives us a fair deal more of Hubert’s great variety of facets, showcasing all of his tender and ridiculous sides without making any compromise at all on the side of him that you don’t fuck with unless your greatest aspiration is to become an unidentifiable corpse floating down the river. I’d be in awe of how this comes in spite of the fact that he doesn’t entirely get along with, or for that matter trusts, the new MU -- but frankly, that dynamic actually does more, not less, to bring all that Hubert is as a character into the spotlight. what can I say? giving the point-of-view character a defined personality, connections to the world, and specific, reasonable dynamics with the cast... is the gift that keeps on giving, apparently

which is a good segue to also mention, I really appreciate what a far cry the writing here is from Three Houses in terms of how Edelgard in particular interacts with the native MU. she’s actually slower to trust them than Dimitri and Claude were, which makes perfect sense in the intersection between Edelgard’s personality and the unfavourable circumstance of actually happening to be connected to her mortal enemies after all. and even when she does come around in terms of baseline trust, this MU still doesn’t make it all the way up to being the light of her life; hell, the apex of what this MU gets in terms of intimacy with Edelgard is a fucking hi-five. I love it. I’ll take another thousand female protagonists who are this thorougly unmoored from the pressure of being romantically available to the player-insert character

I’m properly dancing around really getting to talking about Edelgard -- and for that matter Shez who I’ve now seen the full story of, huh? well, indulge me just a moment longer, because I do have another character to gush about before we get to that. he is Ferdinand von Aegir. ... I don’t know about you guys, but to me, that joke isn’t getting any older than Nuibaba is, and the use of it many times along this route has been beautifully skillful. plus, even if that’s not what tickles your funny bone, you can still have your pick out of his many other shenanigans in this title, including WILT~ THOU~ NOT~ SPAR~ WITH~ ME~ and I AM KEEPING MY DISTANCE AS YOU’VE INSTRUCTED AND IN ANY CASE I WISH TO APOLOGIZE. still, as phenomenal as it is the whole time, comic relief isn’t all that Ferdinand von Aegir brings to this game, oh no. he also brings on some of the best of his character drama from both possible Black Eagle routes; the despair and subsequent resolute justice from Silver Snow, now deftly aimed by Edelgard and Hubert at his POS of a father, thus enabling him to also retain what Crimson Flower gives best unto him.

(plus, of course, all of this is accomplished with a fantastic voice track that we literally won’t be seeing the likes of again in the future. man oh man, Billy Kametz, you were gone too soon. at least, this was a brillant performance to end ‘em all on -- and for a franchise he’d long dreamed of becoming a part of, to boot.)

okay, okay, fine, I’ll talk about Edelgard now. there’s something pretty interesting about her this time around -- that, for once in this original-and-spinoff sequence, there isn’t an issue of tonal consistency. this game seems much less shy than Three Houses about sticking to one tune about who this character is. her motivations are expressed more clearly than ever, and the moments where she’s ruthless and callous in the name of her vision are not sugarcoated. hell, if anything, the writers sometimes use Edelgard’s blunt honesty as a tool with which to dust away even more of the sugar; she doesn’t exactly have qualms about, say, lobbing it straight onto Monica that she’d have left her to die if it had been more expedient, or onto Jeritza that she is exploiting his mental illness for her gain. don’t get me wrong, though; I’m not one of the people who are going to parade around some out-of-context screenshot of her dialogue or another to go around yelling “see?? I’ve been telling you what a horrible person she is this whole time!!”. no, this all gladdens me to see because it feels like, at long last, someone in this writer’s room decided they’ll actually commit to writing Edelgard in one very specific way: as the kind of person who readily sacrifices her personal honor in the service of a good that she considers greater than that. if that makes her a good person or not, well, I guess I can’t even focus on thinking about all that this first brush, because I’m just busy being elated that the narrative is no longer at war with itself in regards to what kind of person she is in the first place. and all we had to do in order to get that was...

... to kick the Underground Dubstep Club out of her revolution promptly, thus removing a factor that was constantly coming up as a scapegoat for anything questionable that Edelgard may or may not have done. which brings me to my next point: the central plotline! because that thing I just mentioned, well, it’s kind of supposed to be the big novelty this game offers to Edelgard’s route; how much does the story change if she stomps them away into hiding before anything else goes down? well... we could’ve speculated until the moon about what it could potentially mean in the watsonian sense -- but in the doylist perspective, who the fuck were we really kidding? of course it changes nearly nothing. for the most part, this was Crimson Flower but less rushed. besides the less cloudy portrayal of Edelgard, the only thing that feels new around here is the subplot concerning Ferdinand’s shitty dad von Aegir -- and it’s a pretty cool and interesting one all things considered, but it’s a subplot nonetheless. as far as the central plot goes, though, it really felt to me like the only change was “and this time, I’m not going to wait until the epilogue to shove an axe onto Thales’s face too”. now, I can’t say that a less messy Crimson Flower isn’t something I didn’t enjoy seeing -- I do think that being less messy was frankly all that I wanted out of Crimson Flower -- but “let’s do the same story again, sucking less” feels stale when it’s not the idea that brought your ass to the seat in the first place. so all in all, I think I can succintly judge the quality of the plotline as this: nice, but a bit meh. which places it above Azure Gleam’s “noticeably worse” but below Golden Wildfire’s “oh my god this is everything I asked santa claus to bring me”. although I suppose that, if Claude had actually had his own damn route in Three Houses, then Golden Wildfire might not have felt refreshing either.

but hey, since I just brought up the world’s most pathetic villains to ever be written completely unironically -- this playthrough is also the one where I first got to encounter the whole Archimenedes story, right? and it’s, well... I think I can say positive things of the presentation of it all, at least. the abrupt enemy!Shez is a functional gutpunch if also a seriously overdrawn one (it was never going to carry an entire map of gameplay by itself y’see); it’s good to get a revisit to Zaharas that expands on it to function as something bigger and more interesting than a momentary nonsense speedbump that only accomplishes writing Sothis out of the story; forcing the three house leaders to work together through the situation right at the apex of the war being waged amongst the lot of them is a powerful swing as well. that said, the whole moment is severely weakened by a lack of both prior narrative support as well as a lack of narrative strength during and afterwards. Arval really doesn’t get to keep a lot of their space in the story once they start having to compete with the house-of-choice’s main cast for it, and it detracts from the punch; Arval also gets very little of a presence during the mess -- Archimenedes doesn’t outright take over them, but it’s really not made clear how all they’re feeling and thinking about being in this situation; the whole setup also feels very one-and-done, with the house leaders going right back to hunting each other’s heads afterwards and without ever thinking about or bringing it up again later; and as much as one new character was never going to fix the sheer extent of the Twist Shady collective, it really feels like there was room to do a little more with the actual existential horror that Archimenedes sometimes manages to express in between generic villain taunts. all in all, the affair feels like it could easily be inserted into or taken out of any story for one harmless break of a beat, and the really strange thing is that this isn’t exactly what it is, given that you still get a fundamentally ending depending on whether you go through this thing or not. it’s just that, for some reason, the ending that you get doesn’t at all depend on anything that happens there.

while I’m riding this hot streak of opportune segues, though, there’s the other consequence of playing the Byleth Lives route -- that, of course, being Byleth themself, as a playable character but still not one of the protagonists. although, given how colossal and, well, deadly the consequences are when you don’t let up on them, it’s strange that taking the other option is so very inconsequential actually. no reactions of note from the rest of the cast beyond “hey, I’ll take a powerful mercenary on my side any day of the week”, which is reasonable but doesn’t create momentum; they don’t even play a role in the Archimenedes mess after the part where Shez gets taken over and tries to kill them, and that’s even despite having previously been the one and only character who’s been to Zaharas; and they don’t affect the central storyline from there either, despite the fact that their presence technically changed what all happens. strangely consistent with the kind of character Byleth was in Three Houses, all that- on the other hand, though, the least I can say in favour of this Byleth is that they’ve remained as a more interesting and captivating character than when they were in the role of player-insert. it was especially touching, and only possible under these circumstances, when they were in base talking about how fucked it is that they get called a “demon” just for having a violent job and happening not to be very emotive -- all while remaining monotonous as ever but at the same offering a glimpse into just this fathomless wellspring of silent pain. ... also, I can’t get over how fucking funny it is that they can A-support every single character but don’t get a conversation with almost any of them--

anyways, with the central plot and central characters out of the way, this is typically where I start discussing the characters who are quasi-new to Hopes, right? and the first and foremost here is Monica. I’ve already made a post that discusses the louder controversy involving her; admittedly, though, my stance on that matter has softened a little since -- I hadn’t yet seen a couple of scenes where Monica does come across a bit skeevy, most saliently her A support with Edelgard -- but a lot of it still holds. I think the comparison to Tharja is still completely out there, and even the comparison to Faye is a bit unfair (Faye still has the one moment that REALLY pushes her off the edge, ie her ending). and it’s complicated because, on the one hand, I can’t really fault people for having some trigger-speed reactions on this topic when stalking is a heavy subject that people are prone to reacting strongly to, and if Fire Emblem doesn’t get much of a break before people start assuming that’s what the series is going from, well, it’s the series that made that bed. but on the other hand, it is really some kind of hurtful to see how uncharitable people can be to a character just for being a lesbian, just for being kind of annoying about it, and sometimes just for being on the team they don’t like. (which is also kind of like, guys, for the love of god, stop validating the people who think that the black eagles are the only house for the gays). anyway, all that stuff aside, I also just like Monica as a character who is gay, fun, and has a fantastic design; I don’t think I’m putting her in my top 10 but I like her.

still, there are the other characters who Three Hopes has given a face and voice to for the first time, right? and here, it seems like the dads are greater in both sheer numbers as well as plot significance. and it’s a pity, because you see, I am officially fucking sick of hearing about Leopold von Bergliez. I’m starting to think Caspar has a height complex because he just can’t seem to get out of that dude’s shadow and he hasn’t considered escaping laterally. Houses implied him as a multifaceted character who inspires complex emotions, but here in Hopes, it just seems like every mention of him must be followed by some people sucking his dick. exceptional warrior, inspirational speaker, yadda yadda yadda, even fucking Old Man Hevring doesn’t seem to hate him enough despite it having been previously established that he was a bitter rival (a genuinely bona fide bitter rival, too, not a friendly rival). it’s so lousy it manages to make some story beats in Houses retroactively worse -- the part in Houses where he forever sacrifices his chance to be onscreen by giving up his life to spare his soldiers from the full enemy court martial experience had once been a killer swerve, but if I go see it again now, it’s just going to feel like the ten thousandth time Count Bergliez does something inspirational.

(plus it makes me sick to my stomach that this game sometimes flirts with the idea that Bernadetta shouldn’t in fact hate her father with her entire being. it’s not all over the place since Gregóire isn’t around all that much anyway and spends most of the time as the pathetic caricature that he probably deserves to be, but god, one strike is already a foul -- a penalty kick even. why, again, did they decide to make him a character and not Bernadetta’s significantly more competent and interesting mother?)

now that I’m at the other side of it all, I wonder, how do my previous sentiments on the broader aspects of the game hold? well, I’m still in love with the worldbuilding -- there’s so much of it, even outside of just the lateral expository text; it really feels as unfathomably deep, as “I would need to look stuff up in a datamine” as this setting’s characters often do. the gameplay, though... look, I’m not going to say I stopped liking it baseline, but there are a few things about it that seriously feel worse as you play through.

my biggest pickle here is with the UI. holy hell the fucking UI. as the game blossoms into its fullest most complex forms, the UI steadily crescendos from a silent annoyance to something that seems to demand hours to be wrangled. seriously, it depresses me to ponder how much time I must have wasted doing handiwork in this game that most other games would have let me solve with a click here, apply this filter, scroll faster, don’t worry about misclicking on this extremely counterintuitive thing, and don’t worry about whether I will undo a bunch of the decisions you just made. nonetheless, I do have acknowledge that I would probably be grappling with the UI less often if I just let a few more things go, but frankly, that’s not a feature of the UI, it’s a bug of the gameplay -- and to be very specific, it’s a bug where the gameplay offers all of these intriguing complexities and mechanics to play with, but at the end of the day, none of it has a real gameplay impact and for the most part this IS just a straightforward mash’em-get’em Warriors game, with the only added complexity means that you’re constantly tasked with the impossible task of anticipating the next thing that this map will lob at you unannounced -- not exactly a strategy challenge, y’see. I’m glad that micromanaging all these systems never really becomes a necessity, but I’m not glad that managing them at all is unimportant, nor am I glad that however deeply or shallowly you decided to manage ‘em you have to trudge through this fucking terrible UI to accomplish this.

but that’s all me wrote, isn’t it, folks? well....... hahahhahahhhahahha. this burst of reviews may be done, but me, I’m far from done, playing OR writing. this compilation of screenshots of Fódlan’s detailed world map is not going to perform itself, for one thing, and nor can I expect anyone else to be such an approximate kind of nerdy to mine that they’d also be inclined to do it. and I’ve been dropping the occasional long text post about Three Houses this whole three years since the game came out; Three Hopes is just now going to join the rest of the library of things I make long posts about, instead of being a topic of particular focus.

so... see you all whenever you come see me again here in hell, I guess!

#my stupid text posts #fire emblem is tagged in this post #Fódlan FE is tagged in this post #long story short: the highs are dazzling the lows are irritating #... and I suppose that's true of a lot else in this game really