#the problem is 100% my fault

[feluka]

i hateeee jokes about arab parents only wanting sons and not wanting daughters because 1- when it's like that, that's an awful thing and not something to be joked about and 2- it spits on the face of every arab parent who consistently has to put their middle finger up to the world and say fuck you my daughter is my greatest treasure and i'd rather have her than a thousand sons and i won't hear a word against her!! because in my experience these are the most loving parents to be found in the whole wide world

#like. for all my parents' faults and the ways they screwed up as parents #they DID pick a fight with a nurse over this!! #the nurse was like 'i'm so so sorry :/ but it's a girl :/' when my mother was pregnant with me #and they yelled at him 'why are you sorry??? DON'T BE SORRY FOR A BLESSING!' #also my extended family is. uh. very old school. so my parents straight up passive aggressively announced #'if anybody implies that this is bad news they're dead to us thanks <33' #like there's this genre of arab parents who are 100% aware of the society that they're bringing their daughter into and the problems in it #and they KNOW their daughter will have to put up with so much crap. so they try to compensate by openly loving her so strongly #and always boasting about her and telling everyone they're proud of her #so she never ever feels less than anybody else #it's very heartwarming when it happens and it's a direct resistance against the misogyny in our culture #and i hate that these jokes kind of spit on that effort #AND makes light of something so awful too

[belligerentbagel]

even Atlas has only two hands

vent art

#this one's for all the teachers out there #horror cw #hands cw #draws #after 2.5 years of caution and masking everywhere; i tested positive for covid on wednesday morning (first day of fall semester) 😔 #at earliest; i can be back in the classroom on monday #wednesday itself was an absolutely horrible 24 hours (but admittedly the anatomist side of me has been going 'ah! physiological data!') #but thursday and friday were a grim indicator of how much capitalism has rotted my brain #because after getting through 24 hours of a MASSIVE illness with undetermined long-term effects; i felt compelled to return to the #6-hr-sleep 18-hr-waking cycle that i was accustomed to; out of GUILT for falling behind in work #(note: i was NOWHERE near 100% back on thursday. i could have charitably been put at 50% - still headaches & fatigue & productive coughs) #a friend had to very sternly tell me 'you cannot solve structural problems through constant 80-hour-week heroic measures' #'you especially cannot do this when you are recovering from a debilitating illness which has the potential to remain a - #- serious lingering problem if you overwork yourself' #like. gods. yeah. it's not my fault that my classrooms are stuffed to the student maximum that our union has valiantly maintained #it's not my fault that the district only gave us one pre-semester prep day; meaning that my room & plans were left unfinished before day one #and - even bigger; it's not my fault that public health in the US is careening into 'can we pretend hard enough like nothing's happening' #my students will have a milquetoast start this fall semester. that is fine. #their teacher might not be able to stand and talk for longer than ten minutes at a time #i will do what i can. i still care about them. i am reading their introduction emails and smiling a bunch. #but i refuse to allow myself to be consumed in order to keep this fire lit.

[nonbinary-morro]

i hate how you cant even mention these characters offhand in the depths of tags on a compleatly unrelated post without someone making it a point to let you know adam was a bad person (not something i was even denying)

#100% to an extent its my fault for not censoring the show name #but like. even if you did see it? why care? its not even about him 😭😭😭 #also literally all the characters i listed are considered terrorists by their respective medias #/that was the problem/ #sorry i dont usually make original posts in this tag this just really annoyed me #psii.txt #rwde #also literally no other fanbases though to make it a point to say anything. do rv/vby fans have some sort of built in radar for this kinda #thing or smth?

[djdangerlove]

I haven’t been on here as much the last couple of months and I just want to apologize to everyone who has tagged me in posts. I’m not ignoring you and I haven’t stopped supporting your content. I just haven’t had the mindset nor the heart to be here lately. No drama, just me getting in the way of myself and becoming sort of lost here in the fray, I guess. I’m trying to find my way back so please feel free to keep tagging me and I’ll reblog it eventually. Just know I love and support all of you. 🖤

#I genuinely love this fandom so much #and it’s honestly been hard to feel like I’m not part of it anymore #which is 100% my fault because I tell myself I’m the most annoying person on the planet #and see myself out #hi it’s me #i’m the problem #it’s me

[depresseddepot]

someone on here will say "I don't support censorship" and everyone in the notes will be like "I can't believe you're just admitting you like incest and pedophilia"

#aka something showed up on my for you tab and i (like an idiot) looked at the notes #what a dumpster fire #i try not to act like things are beneath me but this whole pro/anti ship argument is 100% beneath me lmao #im a librarian. do not come at me with that bullshit lol #im quite chronically online but thank god im not THAT chronically online #take a walk. read some books that aren't fanfiction and aren't on your phone #read problematic classics and go ''huh that didn't fuck with my head the way everyone said it would. guess im better than them'' #bc its TRUE #YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LETS MEDIA DEFINE YOU. YOU ARE THE ONES THAT SETS THOSE BOUNDARIES #if YOU cannot maintain YOUR OWN BOUNDARIES IT DOES NOT BECOME EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT #sorry you're stupid and bad at internalizing new information but that is not my fucking problem #anyways. fuck censorship i love ao3 i love reading problematic books etc etc. block me if you think otherwise #exposing yourself to things you dislike so you can grow does NOT mean you will grow to like that thing #christ you all sound so bland and boring lol

[littlekingbergara]

my boss was like "yeah she thought she was doing us a favor by telling us she's moving six weeks in advance but we haven't found anyone to replace her 🫤" WELL i told you six weeks ago but you didnt post anywhere that you were hiring until last fucking week so do not try to put that on me.

#he also was like she told everyone else but kept it from us. my guy how much notice did you want. #i didnt tell you until i was 100% going because i didnt want to tell you i was leaving and then not do it or keep pushing the date like #another employee did. it's not my fault a month and a half isnt enough time for you to make one facebook post or look at any of the 3 #applications people have brought in. and you cant afford to be picky right now. #your poor planning and management is no longer my problem!! #and that morning he was like whens your last day? and i said wednesday. and he was like aaaa are you sure you want to go? and i said very. #and he said 😑 very makes it sound like it's horrible here. #yeah man im the most depressed ive ever been and i was 17 once. i hate it here. #anyway. three more days. #ri.txt

[catgirlapologist]

i wanna tell my christian boyfriend that i hate christianity sooooo bad i just seriously need an outlet for my immense all-consuming hatred of christianity. before we dated i just strongly disliked it but now that i'm exposed to this idiotic belief system again my hatred for it grew tenfolds and idk what to do about it

#ev.txt #and my hatred for christianity is 100% christians fault #if they were capable of being normal about their garbage religion then i'd barely have a problem with it #but they just haaaad to be terrible vile disgusting repulsive horrible people about it

[strawberrycamel]

hguh <- considering making a sideblog for a one piece bending au i have 1) come up with today, 2) want to share art/fic for that i haven't even made yet, 3) keep making more and more notes for to the point my hand is having the very rare yet very annoying occurrence of Cramps, 4) been assailed with so many domestic and gag ideas and a handful of really unoriginal fight scenes, and 5) as i'm typing this i'm realizing none of these are reasons not to make a sideblog and yet i am still paralyzed by the very likely fact that i will not want to bother with this whole idea tomorrow when the coffee has finally filtered fully out of my system and will have to do the proverbial walk of shame that is deleting the sideblog i made less than 24 hours prior

#its not that deep but it IS that deep yknow what i mean #ill probably just make the blog anyway tbh and just slap some random doodles there once in a while #oh i could make it an ask blog even #hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm #thoughts. thinking. pondering even #the problem is. i wanna focus on my main guy. my beloved lil blorbo. but my brain keeps drifting to canon events #and What Would Change In This AU #and its like no!!! i like doing that with other stuff but not this one!!! #just lemme focus on the funnies and the domesticity and the character dynamics!!! #im gonna lose that battle if i keep the blog long enough. i know that. its inevitable. #definitely going to be fighting it as long as possible though bc it'll just make my brain hurt thinking about it too much. #okay if the blog lasts over 24 hours (or maybe a week?? a week is probably better) and i'm not bored with it #i'll reblog this with the name of the blog #yeah. ill do that. and im not gonna force it. if it doesnt vibe i'll just leave it be. drifting in obscurity. #perfect okay #also yeah this is 100% the fault of High Tide by kurgaya; that fic gave me so many brainworms

[roboromantic]

yeah holy shit, getting a new wifi adapter seems to have stopped the random disconnects. I managed to play Destiny for several hours without even getting a "Contacting servers" message. I assume servers on their end have been fixed as well cuz I used to have a lot of problems with that even when my internet was fine

......maybe I have been a bit too harsh on Spectrum

#don't get me wrong they still suck; my phone wifi still cuts out every once in a while #but maybe the recent problems w/my pc were not always 100% their fault #my computer did NOT like the bluetooth part of the adapter though so I figured I'd just leave that unplugged #I've never had any problems w/the bluetooth so I don't really need it anyway

[nuatthebeach]

y’all ever just read well-written fics you know you’re not going to enjoy just to get surprised about…how much you didn’t enjoy it

#@ that harmony fic where they do it in the back seat #@ that ginny dying and harry moving on to another girl fic #@ that harry cheating on ginny with romione’s adult child fic…don’t ask idk how they got there too #@ that harry + annabeth fic #@ that cute meet but never meet again fic #@ that harry x luna x ginny fic where harry realizes he wanted only luna all along #@ that harry and daphne get together bc ginny dumps his ass fic #@ that dude who watches ginny get married to another just to realize that dude was harry and the husband was draco fic #as you can see I get traumatized easily #psa: these were all GREAT fics just REALLY not for me lolol #yes I’m aware this is 100% my fault but I keep doing it it’s a problem #i think I’m really just exposing to everyone I don’t like angst #which isn’t true but they debilitate me the most for the first week after I read it

[toytulini]

hit tag limit on the last post cos i started talking about roller coasters again 😔

#toy txt post #wish there was a way for me to like. Do. something. with my roller coaster hyperfixation. but im not an engineer i dont want to design them #thats so scary and i couldnt be a ride op cos im scared of riding most of them (disclaimer I KNOW HOW SAFE THEY ARE THATS NOT THE PROBLEM #I DONT HANDLE THE PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE OF THRILL RIDES FILLING ME WITH ADRENALINE VERY WELL IT CAUSES ME PAIN #i do not enjoy it. but i love to see coasters and watch them and read about them 🥺 and also sometimea i read about. the incidents which #felt like very foolish at first like okay this isnt gonna help me get comfortable riding them but honestly actually it did help? #to see how many of the incidents are like. truly like either freak accidents or someone fucked up #but like the rides safety mechanisms usually are very good and not the reason for an accident. most errors seem to be like. act of god or #like. operator or rider error. and some of the operator errors are kind of terrifying BUT ALSO seem like things that can be prevented #maybe the new wave of unionizing in the us will sweep into theme park employees and make sure theyre paid well and recieve good benefits #and that they are not pressured to prioritize profits or faster throughput at the expense of safety. and (really optimistic i know) maybe #we as a society and culture can unlearn our systemic fatphobia to the point that its doable to turn someone away for being #too big to ride safely without making them feel like shit or like its their fault and MAYBE we'll even possibly just maybe figure out how #to make rides that can actually accommodate larger guests safely so they can participate in the fun without fear or bodyshaming #logically i know theres no way to remove 100% of risk and that there is still heightened risk especially for ppl w various #medical conditions but idk i think we as a society can keep theme parks and do them well. i believe in us. #i should go to more of them....ive been to like. not that many but i do still have favorites #hershey my beloved. i LOVE how visible all the coasters are all the time i LOVE the skyview going right through great bears track #i hope i can go again this yr and see the new wildcat 🥺 absolutely not going to ride that fucking thing but i am definitely going to stare #at it. jenn if youre reading this i cannot fucking believe you got me to ride og wildcat honestly #p sure that rattle gave me a headache and i would not do it again that was a rough fucking ride lol but im glad u somehow got me into that #i have. such a complicated relationship with being peer pressured onto rides lol #like on the one hand i do need that a little bit or i definitely wont do it but on the other. being forced onto comet as a child was #slightly traumatizing and definitely marked my turn from wanting to ride all the coasters to jot wanting to ride anything #to my parents credit on that one they do recognize it as a mistake and were sorry about it like immediately so i dont hold it against them #but also dont. force ur children to ride coasters lol. but i do need to go spend a day at hershey just forcing myself to ride great bear #over and over. fav coaster best coaster. its so fucking loud. its shaped so good. pretty color scheme. its constellation themed #i do love and am obsessed with how hershey packs all those tracks together like that it looks so cool i love to see it #candymonium right at the entrance like that is Extremely distracting very immediately

[anachronistic-falsehood]

my big sister is coming to visit tomorrow. fucked up sibling relationship gang how are we feeling

#whiskey yelling into the void #every time we see each other without fail she gets on my case about something #the problem is she literally cannot see me as anything but an incompetent twelve year old who needs help doing anything and everything #and it’s so. fucking demeaning. and i’ve told her this SHE KNOWS but she still treats me like a child anyway #we’re polite and everything when we see each other but then she flies off the fucking handle about something and we fight and i cry #and ofc she berates me for crying and last time this happened i removed myself from the situation to have a panic attack in private #but she just wanted me to sit down and talk while i was actively losing it #but like. i’m not the victim here and i know that we’ve both said and done terrible horrible shit to each other we’re both at fault #but she doesn’t try to see me as an actual person. to her i’m still just like. a fucking kid. an object for her to take care of. #she’s so condescending and demeaning and i just don’t see reconciliation in the cards for us right now #until i can move out and do things 100% for myself and she SEES that i don’t think that we can actually make amends #and sometimes i wonder if i even want to at all. yk. #*actively crying* FUCKED UP SIBLING GANG HOW ARE WE FEELING????

[n0ct0urn1quet]

hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive

#2023 off to a banger start for me (got into an argument with my mom on new years about her bf reminding me of my abusive dad #and havent had peace or a good nights sleep since!!!!!!!!!!!) #i am absolutely fucking miserable and i just donot want to Do It anymore #i hate this house i hate the people i live with i hate this world and i hate everything thats happening to jme but i cant do anytihing #i cant do anything to Fix Anything i cant do anything abt my problems theres just so much Wrong With Me that i dont know how to fix #i dont know if i CAN fix most of the issues i have. i have so much ptsd and trauma from so many different things and its all just. hghg #and i want so badly to just let it out and talk to the people Around Me about it bc it is Serious and i shouldnt be just not talking about #it but. i just cant bring myself to Do That. i am constantly afraid that the people around me will be angry with me if i even so much as #speak up about the things that make me upset and its not their fault and its no ones fault but my own and i just dont know what to Do #im scared of confrontation and im worried that if i try to talk about it its gonna lead to an argument!!! i know it wouldnt but im terrifed #so id rather just not talk about it. which then leads to the problem not getting resolved because. fuck man im sure the people around me #know that somethings up but i never bring it up so therefore they never find out and it gets swept under the rug like all my other issues #i pride myself on being good at being emotional and being open but in reality i am emotional. yes. but not at all good at being open #ive never been good at it and i feel so BAD because like. yes i love you. yes i trust you and i know you would never ever be mad at me #for just talking about my feelings. i know this and i love you for it. but im so bad at conveying that. even though i trust you with mylife #im just bad at opening up. it does not matter how long we've known each other its just such a struggle for me to Be Open to anyone #of course its not much better that im coming to tumblr and puttign this here for 100+ people to see but just. i dont know #im mentally unstable ive never had good coping mechanisms and im the only person awake and everyone else that i usually vent to is asleep #so all my thoughts just get piled up into one messy little ball and it gets thrown to tumblr because i need somewhere to put them #im sorry. im exhausted. its been a long week and i wish i could just hybernate for the rest of the month and not interact with anyone #i just wish i could mvoe out and live with my gf and our cat. that is all i want and that is the only thing that would fix me

[rubberbandballqueen]

*head in hands* i straight up do not know how kindergarten teachers accomplish anything

#picking up that shift today has solidified my opinion of 'i can't rlly work w/kids younger than third grade' #thank god i was just filling in for the day. holy fuck. i got a fuck ton of candy tho so that makes up for it #little kids are people too!! absolutely 100%!!!! but holy shit i cannot do that every day i would go insane #they're also hard to work with bc some kids just patently do not listen. also i don't know how to talk to them #they lack understanding of too many concepts i rely on when talking to teenagers/other adults n also just don't know many words #it's not their fault or anything but i'm Really not that interested in like. dealing with them. #also i think i should get like. earplugs for kids one of these days. a lot of Problem Kids get rlly upset when it's rlly loud #honestly disciplining kids w/o traumatizing them is hard; but at the same time they need to learn that like #society is a communal space. if they have to behave in a way that makes for a healthy community #that means sharing! asking before borrowing things! respecting people's boundaries! being considerate of others when acting!! #listening to experts when they tell you to do things a certain way!! safety rules were written in blood etc etc #the worm speaks #and that means that if you touch the beans when we tell you not to touch the beans... you don't get to play the game we set up!!!

[chennnington]

I feel like an amatonormativity grinch but sometimes it’s not easy to deal with all the ways someone gets taken away from you once they enter a romantic relationship. But of course you gotta deal with them. And by yourself, cause you sound like some entitled asshole if you try to talk to the person.

#my brother and me used to wrap the presents for our parents together and come up with ideas and at least one cat would ‘help’ #so we always had a lot of fun #and it’s practical cause transporting wrapped gifts on the train is tricky #better wrap them at the destination so they don’t wrinkle or something #so a few days ago I asked my brother about it and he said his girlfriend had already wrapped his presents for him while she wrapped hers #so now I’m sitting here alone wrapping mine #it’s such a stupid thing and it’s 100% my problem and I’m overreacting #but I can’t help but feel sad #ahaha oh god I really am that weirdo who’s jealous of their sibling’s partner #just for the record: she’s super cool and I’m super happy for them and I hope they get married so I can eat cake #but she’s the first new person who entered this family since my brother was born 30 years ago #yes I’m weird and it’s my own fault that I’m in the situation I’m in

[galactichelium]

Sometimes I feel a little silly bc it feels like I have every problem ever

#Currently my probably RA issues and my probably (mild) scoliosis issues are both causing problems #Note: A doctor has said that it's ''probably scoliosis'' but haven't received proper diagnosis #And for those that don't remember. Currently on the waiting list for the rheumatology clinic #So ig it hasn't been Confirmed that it's RA either but it's at the very least some type of inflammatory arthritis #(But it lines up Very well with RA so. Lmfao. But who knows! There's apparently like over 100 types of arthritis?) #I'm only specifying all this bc I feel bad saying I ''probably'' have both of these things #It's not my fault that the medical system is shit so that despite my efforts I haven't been able to get diagnosed w anything yet #Fun fact. When I went to the doctor abt my back problems. I already said that he said it's ''probably scoliosis'' but like. #He ordered an xray but said we'd only hear back if it was ''bad enough for surgery''. Obviously we didn't hear anything back. #AND THEN. He gave me a print-out of these ''wellness stretches''... That exclusively stretch the upper back #WHEN MY PAIN!! IS IN MY LOWER BACK!!! Because SURPRISE!!! My pain isn't from hunching over!!! QUITE THE OPPOSITE IN FACT #My back curves IN too much. So my lower back is the part that's straining. #I told him this. He even examined my back. He Definitely should've known that my pain was in my lower back. He just didn't care #But yeah anyway lmfao #Iron text