#the pros and cons of breathing is one of fall out boy's best songs if u ask me. so many good words and stuff | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fogwitchoftheevermore · 2 months

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Assigning Every Fall Out Boy Song to The Life Series

because i'm a normal person with normal person feelings about fall out boy's discography and the life series. trust me.

“every” is a strong word here because fall out boy's discography is Literally Like 150+ Songs so i’m only doing the songs off their main 8 albums in this post. if enough people ask (which i seriously doubt will happen), i’ll do the eps+remixes as well.

sorry if there is an overabundance of certain characters/a lack of certain characters. i tried to include people are frequently as possible but a: i am inherently biased (though some of my faves are pretty underrepresented), b: not everyone has the same amount of content to draw from because they haven't all been in every season and c: some of these guys are simply not fall out boy characters to me. it's just how it is.

so, under the cut will be, in release order, every fall out boy song assigned to a life series character/event+the lyric that i think best represents why i assigned it.

TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE

Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today: DL!Pearl

To my favorite liar, to my favorite scar (to my favorite scar!)/I could have died with you/I hope you choke on those words that kiss that bottle/Confess (so bury me in memory)

Dead on Arrival: SL!Gem and Pearl (Gem POV)

This is side one, flip me over/I know I'm not your favorite record/The songs you grow to like never stick at first/So I'm writing you a chorus, and here is your verse/No, it's not the last time, 'cause I'd never say no to you/This conversation's still dead on arrival/And there's no way to talk to you/When you're dead on

Grand Theft Autumn / Where Is Your Boy: DL!Etho (JUST TRUST ME. AND ALSO GO WATCH THE BIT WHERE FINDS OUT BDUBS+IMPULSE ARE SOULMATES)

When I wake up/I'm willing to take my chances on/The hope I'd forget that you hate him more than you notice/I wrote this for you (for you, so…)/You need him, I could be him/I could be an accident, but I'm still trying/And that's more than I can say for him/Where is your boy tonight?/I hope he is a gentleman

Saturday: SL!Gem

Pete and I attacked the laws of Astoria with promise and precision/And mess of youthful innocence/And I read about the afterlife, but I never really lived/More than an hour (More than an hour)/When I say/Two more weeks, my foot is in the door, yeah/I can't sleep, in the wake of Saturday

Homesick at Space Camp: Post 3L!Skizz

Tonight is all about "We miss you" now/These friends are, new friends are golden

Sending Postcards From a Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here): Post DL!Joel

Every friend we ever had in common/I will sever the tie, sever the tie with you/You can thank your lucky stars/Everything I wish for will never come true/When you go, I will forget everything about you

Chicago Is So Two Years Ago: LimL!Martyn

You want apologies, girl, you might hold your breath/Until your breathing stops forever, forever/The only thing you'll get is this curse on your lips/I hope they taste of me forever

The Pros and Cons of Breathing: DL!Pearl

Woah, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself/You know that I could crush you with my voice/Stood on my roof and tried to see you/Forgetting about me/Hide the details/I don't want to know a thing

Grenade Jumper: The Heart Foundation

They'll say it's not worth it, so we'll leave this town in ruin/Living like life's going out of style, and you came to watch us play/Like a "big shot talent", but at the end of the day you know/Woah, those busted lips we take back home

Calm Before The Storm: DL!Ren

You said/Between your smiles and regrets/"Don't say it's over"/Dead and gone, dead and gone, yeah

Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over: DL!Jimmy and Tango

I can't wake up to these reminders of who I am/A failure at everything, 18 going on extinct/I know my place, it's nowhere you should roam

The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes: SL!Jimmy

I'm all ears and I'm all scars/To hear you tell me, "Boys like you, you try too hard/To look not quite as desperate," I'm hanging on/But I still know the way to make your makeup run/So, and when it all goes to Hell, will you be able to tell/Me "sorry" with a straight face?

FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE

Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued: 3L!Impulse

We're only liars but we're the best (We're the best)/We're only good for the latest trends/We're only good 'cause you can have almost famous friends/Besides, we've got such good fashion sense

Of All The Gin Joints In All The World: 3L!Ren and Martyn

You only hold me up like this/'Cause you don't know who I really am/Sometimes I just want to know what it's like to be you

Dance, Dance: DL!Bigb and Ren (Ren perspective, also this is specifically applicable most antagonistic moments of their relationship we get, to be clear. This is not the usual approach I take to them.)

You always fold just before you're found out/Drink up it's last call/Last resort, but only the first mistake, and I/I'm two quarters and a heart down/And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds/These words are all I have so I'll write them/So you need them just to get by/Why don't you show me a little bit of spine/You've been saving for his mattress, love

Sugar, We’re Goin Down: Martyn

We're going down, down in an earlier round (Take aim at myself)/And sugar, we're going down swingin' (Take back what you said)/I'll be your number one with a bullet (Take aim at myself)/A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner: LL!Cleo

I keep my jealousy close/'Cause it's all mine/And if you say this makes you happy, then I'm not the only one/Lyin'

I’ve Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Songs): Joel

Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "best friends"/We're the kids who feel like dead ends/And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses/I took a shot and didn't even come close

7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen): LimL!Grian

Sitting out dances on the wall/Trying to forget everything that isn't you/I'm not going home alone/'Cause I don't do too well on my own

Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year: SL!Skizz

We're the therapists pumping through your speakers/Delivering just what you need/We're well-read and poised/We're the best boys/We're the chemists who've found the formula/To make your heart swell and burst/No matter what they say/Don't believe a word

Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends: DL!Joel and Etho

Strike us like matches, 'cause everyone deserves the flames/We only do it for the scars and stories, not the fame/At least everyone is trying, everyone is shining/Everyone deserves the flames but it's such a shame, such a shame

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me: Scott

I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends/And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again/And I've got arrogance down to a science/Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends, now

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More “Touch Me”: LL!BigB

I confess, I messed up/Dropping "I'm sorry" like you're still around/And I know you dressed up/"Hey, kid, you'll never live this down"/And you're just the girl all the boys wanna dance with/And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances/I'm sleepin' on your folks' porch again, dreamin'/She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"

Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows): DL!Grian and Scar (Scar POV)

I know this hurts, it was meant to (it was meant to)/Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one/And it's mind over you don't, don't matter

XO: LL!Mumbo (Look, this is a stretch, I'll be real, but this song was giving me so much fucking trouble. Let me live.)

To the "love," I left my conscience/Pressed between the pages of/The Bible in the drawer, "What did it ever do for me"/I say/It never calls me when I'm down/Love never wanted me, but I took it anyway/Put your ear to the speaker and choose love or sympathy/But never both, love never wanted me

Snitches and Talkers Get Stitches And Walkers: SL!Tango

Here's a picture with a note, "No, don't turn out like me"/It's only for your own good/No-oh, oh, oh/And haven't you heard, the word on the street is/"I lost it, called it quits," get out into the sun

The Music Or The Misery: LL!Bdubs and Etho (Etho perspective)

I got your love letters, corrected the grammar and sent them back/It's true, romance is dead, I shot it in the chest then in the head/And if you wanna go down in history then I'm your friend/Because they've got me in a band where I've never seen a heart I couldn't break

INFINITY ON HIGH

Thriller: SL!Scar

Last summer, we took threes across the board/But by fall, we were a cover story, "Now in stores"/Make us poster boys for your scene/But we are not making an acceptance speech

“The Take Over, The Breaks Over”: LimL!Cleo

Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?/Style your wake for fashion magazines, oh-oh-oh/Widow or a divorcee?/Don't pretend, d-d-d-don't pretend/We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces/We're trapped and well concealed in secret places/We don't fight fair

This Ain’t A Scene. It’s An Arms Race: SL!Scar

I am an arms dealer/Fitting you with weapons in the form of words/And don't really care which side wins/Long as the room keeps singing/That's just the business I'm in

I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You): SL!Jimmy and Martyn

We're the new face of failure/Prettier and younger, but not any better off/Bulletproof loneliness/At best, at best

Hum Hallelujah: LL!Cleo

I thought I loved you, it was just how you looked in the light/A teenage vow in a parking lot/'Til tonight do us part/I sing the blues and you swallow them too/My words are my faith, to hell with our good name

Golden: Joel (LimL especially, but also just in general)

How cruel is the golden rule/When the lives we lived are only golden-plated?/And I knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me/Though I carried carats for everyone to see/And I saw God cry in the reflection of my enemies/And all the lovers with no time for me/And all of the mothers raise their babies/To stay away from me

Thnks fr th Mmrs: LimL!BigB and Pearl

Been looking forward to the future/But my eyesight is going bad/And this crystal ball…/It's always cloudy except for (Except for…)/When you look into the past (Look into the past…)/One night stand…/One night stand off!

Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am?: LimL!Skizz

They say quitters never win/But we walk the plank on a sinking ship/There's a world outside of my front door/That gets off on being down/Oh-oh, oh-oh/I could learn to pity fools as I'm the worst of all/And I can't stop feeling sorry for myself, whoa-oh

The (After) Life Of The Party: Scar, again. I don't know what to tell you, this is a very Scar album.

I'm a stitch away from making it/And a scar away from falling apart, apart/Blood cells pixelate and eyes dilate/And the full moon pills got me out on the street at night

The Carpal Tunnel Of Love: LL!Mumbo and Jimmy

Tired yawns for fawns on hunter's lawns/We're the has-beens of husbands/Sharpening the knives of young wives/Take two years and call me when you're better

Bang The Doldrums: DL+LimL!Jimmy and Tango

The tombstones were waiting, they were half-engraved/They knew it was over, they just didn't know the date…/And I cast a spell over the west to make you think of me/The same way I think of you/This is a love song in my own way/Happily ever after below the waist/Best friends, ex-friends 'til the end/Better off as lovers

Fame > Infamy: LL!Joel

I am God's gift, but why would he bless me with/Such wit without a conscience equipped/I'm addicted to the way I feel when I think of you, whoa/There's too much green to feel blue

You’re Crashing, But You’re No Wave: This is far from the only FOB song about a sensitive topic but it's one of the like... two that I don't feel comfortable assigning to something.

I’ve Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers: DL!BigB

You're a canary, I'm a coal mine/'Cause sorrow is just all the rage/Take one for the team/You all know what I mean/And I'm so sorry but not really/Tell the boys where to find my body

G.I.N.A.S.F.S.: DL!Impulse and Bdubs

Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns/I sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house in your shoes/You know, it's strange/It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you/I'm supposed to love you/I've already given up on myself twice/Third time is the charm, third time is the charm/Threw caution to the wind, but I've got a/Lousy arm

It’s Hard To Say “I Do”, When I Don’t: Am I allowed to say this is a Watchers song? I don't care I'm saying it.

I speak fast and I'm not gonna repeat myself, no/So listen carefully to every word I say/I'm the only one who's gonna get away/With making excuses today/You're appealing to emotions that I simply do not have

FOLIE A DEUX

Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes: Impulse

Oh, I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine/What a match, I'm half-doomed, and you're semi-sweet/So boycott love, detox just to retox/And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life

I Don’t Care: LL!Fairy Fort

Let the leaves fall off in the summer/And let December glow in flames (In flames; oh)/Erase myself and let go/Start it over again in Mexico/These friends, they don't love you/They just love the hotel suites now

She’s My Winona: SL!Martyn

We didn't come to compete, this is a demonstration/Even the young ones become irrelevant/They always bring up how you've changed

America’s Suitehearts: SL!Gem

Let's hear it for America's suitehearts, but I must confess/I'm in love with my own sins/You can bow and pretend that/You don't, don't know you're a legend, oh/Time, time, time hasn't told anyone else yet

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet: LimL+SL!Cleo, Bdubs, and Etho

Does your husband know the way that/The sunshine gleams from your wedding band?/Does he know the way, does he know the way/Of the crickets that would convince me to call it a night?/But I will never end up like him/Behind my back, I already am

The (Shipped) Gold Standard: LimL!Bdubs

All the yes-men said "No comment"/My mouth got going/The wrong way, and all the calls started snowing/The time my dad caught me a horseshoe crab/And I asked him if throwing it back into the sea would bring our luck back/I wanna scream "I love you" from the top of my lungs/But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me

(Coffee’s For Closers): LL!BigB

Though change will come, oh, change will come/I will never believe in anything again/We will never believe again/Kick drum beating in my chest again/No, we will never believe again/Preach electric to a microphone stand, oh

What A Catch, Donnie: This song is a compilation of different vocalists from bands associated with the band, a compilation of previous songs of theirs, and one of the only FOB ballads. I can't pull a specific lyric, but this one could be solidly used for a compilation/retrospective of every season so far.

27: This is the other one I don't feel comfortable assigning to anything. Moving on.

Tiffany Blews: SL!Lizzie

I'm not a crybaby/I'm the crybaby/A caterpillar that got stuck/Mr. Moth, come quick with any luck/A long walk to a dark house/A Roman candle heart, keep us far apart/I'm cocktail party doin' alright, hate me baby/Maybe I'm a piece of art/Oh, my friends all lie and say/They only want the best wishes for me

w. a. m. s.: LL!Mumbo

I'm a young one stuck in the thoughts/Of an old one's head/When all the others were just stirrin' awake/I'm tryin' to trick myself to fall asleep again, whoa

20 Dollar Nose Bleed: Dogwarts

When I look at the man who would be king, the man who would be king/Goes to the desert, the same war his dad rehearsed/Came back with flags on coffins and said, "We won, oh, we won"/Permanent jet lag, please take me back (Please take me back)/Please take me back, (ooh, ooh)/I'm a stray dog sick, please let me in

West Coast Smoker: SL!Joel

Wishes bounce me weightless/The infrared scope on pointlessness/The bulls are sedated/And this fight's fixed

Pavlove: SL!Tango

Something make my chest stir/Something make my head blur/Oh, oh, I'm not ready for a handshake with death, no/Oh, oh, I'm just such a happy mess, whoa

SAVE ROCK AND ROLL

The Phoenix: Team TIES

Bring home the boys in scraps, scrap metal the tanks/Get hitched, make a career out of robbing banks/Because the world is just a teller and we are wearing black masks/"You broke our spirit," says the note we pass

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light Em Up): LL!Cleo

I've got the scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see/That you're the antidote to everything except for me/Through a constellation of tears on your lashes/Burn everything you love then burn the ashes

Alone Together: The Roomies (Cleo, Etho, and Grian)

I don't know where you're going/But do you got room for one more troubled soul?/I don't know where I'm going/But I don't think I'm coming home/And I said, "I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead"/This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end

Where Did The Party Go: LL!Tango

I'm here to collect your hearts/It's the only reason that I sing/I don't believe a word you say/But I can't stop listening

Just One Yesterday: LL!Bdubs and Etho

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain/Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday/(I know I'm bad news)/For just one yesterday/(I saved it all for you)

The Mighty Fall: DL!Divorce Quartet

Your crooked love is just a pyramid scheme and I'm dizzy on dreams/(And I'm dizzy on dreams)/But if you ask me two's a whole lot lonelier than one/Baby, we should have left our love in the gutter where we found it/(Gutter where we found it)/'Cause you think, you think your only crime is that you got caught

Miss Missing You: Impulse and Bdubs (Impulse POV)

Baby, you were my picket fence, I miss missing you now and then/Chlorine kissed summer skin, I miss missing you now and then/Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger/The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger/Oh, we're fading fast, I miss missing you now and then

Death Valley: This is the soundtrack to the LL Battle Royale Finale

We're going to die, it's just a matter of time/Hard times come, good times go/I'm either gone in an instant/Or here 'til the bitter end, I never know

Young Volcanoes: The Heart Foundation

C'mon, make it easy, say I never mattered/Run it up the flag pole/We will teach you how to make boys next door/Out of assholes (Hahaha!)/Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds/It's all over now

Rat A Tat: LL!Grian and Mumbo (mostly Grian POV)

But I'll take your heart served up two ways/I sing a bitter song/I'm the lonelier version of you/I just don't know where it went wrong

Save Rock And Roll: DL!Pearl

I cried tears you'll never see/So fuck you, you can go cry me an ocean, and leave me be/You are what you love, not who loves you/In a world full of the word 'yes', I'm here to scream/No, no (No, no)/Wherever I go, go (go, go)/Trouble seems to follow

AMERICAN BEAUTY/AMERICAN PSYCHO

Irresistible: SL!Gem and Pearl (Gem POV)

Count me in unannounced, drag my nails on the tile/I just follow your scent/You can't just follow my smile/All of your flaws are aligned with this mood of mine/Cutting me to the bone/Nothing left to leave behind/You ought to keep me concealed just like I was a weapon/I didn't come for a fight but I will fight till the end/This might be your battle, might not turn out okay/You know you look so Seattle, but you feel so LA

American Beauty/American Psycho: LL!Scott

I think I fell in love again/Maybe I just took too much cough medicine/I'm the best worst thing that hasn't happened to you yet/The best worst thing/You take the full, full truth, then you pour some out/You take the full, full truth, then you pour some out/And you can kill me, kill me or let God sort ‘em out

Centuries: LimL!Martyn

And I can't stop 'til the whole world knows my name/Cause I was only born inside my dreams/Until you die for me, as long as there's a light, my shadow's over you/Cause I am the opposite of amnesia

The Kids Aren’t Alright: The Mounders

It twists my head just a bit to think/All those people in those old photographs I've seen are dead/And in the end/I'd do it all again/I think you're my best friend

Uma Thurman: 3L!Cleo

You'll find your way/And may death find you alive/Take me down the line/In Gem City, we turn the tide

Jet Pack Blues: Impulse and Bdubs

Honey, don't you leave/Don't you remember how we used to split a drink?/It never mattered what it was, I think/Our heads were just that close/The sweetness never lasts, you know

Novocaine: Guess what, it's Joel again. I'm not even a Joel main why is this happening.

In the truly gruesome do we trust/I will always land on you like a sucker punch/Singing I am your worst, I am your worst nightmare

Fourth Of July: LL!Lizzie and Cleo (Lizzie POV)

I said I'd never miss you/But I guess you never know/May the bridges I have burned/Light my way back home on the fourth of July/I wish I'd known how much you loved me/I wish I cared enough to know

Favorite Record: Post DL!Jimmy

You were the song stuck in my head/Every song that I've ever loved/Play it again and again and again/And you can get what you want but it's never enough

Immortals: 3L!Grian and Scar

I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass, glass (Glass)/(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)/Oh, I try to picture me without you, but I can’t/'Cause we could be immortals/Immortals/Just not for long, for long/And live with me forever now/Mmm, pull the blackout curtains down/Just not for long, for long

Twin Skeleton’s (Hotel In NYC): SL!Martyn and Jimmy

I just need enough of you to dull the pain/Just to get me through the night 'till we're twins again/'Til we're stripped down to our skeletons again/'Til we're saints just swimming in our sins again/And there's a jet black crow droning on and on and on/Up above our heads droning on and on and on/Keep making trouble 'til you find what you love/I need a new partner in crime and you, you shrug that

MANIA

Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: 3L!Ren

I'm 'bout to go Tonya Harding on the whole world's knee/And I'm stuck, night vision, so stuck, night vision/But I come to life, come to life/Some princes don't become kings/Even at the best of times, I'm out of my mind/You only get what you grieve

The Last Of The Real Ones: Bdubs

My head is stripped, just like a screw that's been tightened too many times/When I think of you, when I think of you/I will shield you from the waves if they find you/I will protect you, I will protect you/Just tell me, tell me, tell me I, I am the only one/Even if it's not true, even if it's not true, yeah

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T: DL+LimL!Etho and Joel

I got too high again, realized I can't not be with you/Or be just your friend, I love you to death, but I just can't/I just can't pretend, we weren't lovers first/Confidants but never friends, were we ever friends?/But when your stitch comes loose, I wanna sleep on/Every piece of fuzz and stuffing that comes out of you/You, I took too many hits off this memory/I need to come down/An-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-nother day goes by/So hold me tight, hold me tight, or don't/Oh n-n-no, no, this isn't how our story ends

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes): LL!Bdubs

There's nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you (but you)/Than to be loved by everybody but you, (but you) but you/If I could get my shit together/I'm gonna run away and never see any of you again/Never see any of you again/I hope the roof flies off and we get blown out into space/I-I always make such expensive mistakes

Church: SL!Lizzie

I love the world/But I just don't love the way it makes me feel/Got a few more fake friends/And it's getting hard to know what's real/And if death is the last appointment/Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room (Mr. Stump?)/I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom

Heaven’s Gate: LimL!Skizz (right at the end)

I got dreams of my own, but I want to make yours come true/So please come through, honey please, please come through/Oh, go out in the world, start over again and again/As many times as you can

Champion: SL!Pearl

I got rage every day, on the inside/The only thing I do is sit around and kill the time/I'm trying to blow out the pilot light/I'm trying to blow out the light/I'm just young enough to still believe, still believe/But young enough not to know what to believe in/Young enough not to know what to believe/If I can live through this, if I can live through this/If I can live through this, I can do anything

Sunshine Riptide: LL!Scott

The world tried to burn all the mercy outta me/But you know I wouldn't let it/It tried to teach me the hard way, I can't forget it

Young And Menace: LimL!Martyn

We've gone way too fast for way too long/And we were never supposed to make it half this far/And I lived so much life, lived so much life/I think that God is gonna have to kill me twice

Bishops Knife Trick: Bad Boys

I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate/It doesn't wanna live in a cage, a feeling that I can't housebreak/And I'm yours 'til the earth starts to crumble and the heavens roll/Away, I'm struggling to exist with you and without you, yeah

SO MUCH (FOR) STARDUST

Love From The Other Side: SL!Etho

I'd never go, I just want to be invited, oh, got to give up/Get the feeling, get the feeling, don't fight it, fight it/Sending my love from the other side of the apocalypse/And I just about snapped, don't look back/Every lover's got a little dagger in their hand

Heartbreak Feels So Good: 3L!Grian

Is there a word for bad miracle?/Nobody said the road was endless/Nobody said the climb was friendless/But could we please pretend this won't end?

Hold Me Like A Grudge: DL!Pearl

(You put the "fun" into dysfunction)/Hold me, hold me like a grudge/The world is always spinning, and I can't keep up, woah/Faster and faster, can't do it on my own/Part-time soulmate, full-time problem, yeah/So hold me like a grudge

Fake Out: SL!Lizzie

But I didn't take the love when I had the chance/But I swear I'm not sad anymore/So make no plans and none can be broken/No plans and none can be broken/Do you laugh about me whenever I leave?/Or do I still need more therapy?

Heaven, Iowa: 3L!Scar

And they don't know how much they’ll miss/At least until you're gone like this/Talking to the mirror, say, "Save your breath/Half your life you've been hooked on death"

So Good Right Now: DL!Bdubs

And I know, I know I've made mistakes, yeah/And I know, I know, but at least they were mine to make/They were mine to make/And all of our wildest dreams, they just end up with a-you and me/So, let's drive until the engine just gives out

The Pink Seashell: Ok, I cannot pull a lyric for this because it is the world’s most specific monologue, but the general message of it (“Life is a lottery and bad shit happens all the time, so might as well find happiness in the good things, even the small things.”) feels like it could be Skizz. Just trust me. This one is so fucking difficult.

I Am My Own Muse: LimL!Jimmy

Here I am, not sure you should take a chance/I like playin' dumb, lettin' you figure me out/But I was faded, in my own defense/So, drop a bomb on all the things we dreamed about

Flu Game: SL!Joel

Last night I dreamt I still knew you/You/I carved out a place in this world for two/But it's empty without you/I got all this love I've got to keep to myself/All this effort to make it look effortless

Baby Annihilation: Scott

The first time I took the mask off, just had another one on underneath

The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years): LimL+ SL!Martyn (but mostly LimL)

Passed my old street, the house I grew up in/It breaks your heart, but four of the Ramones are dead/I felt you at the beginning, but needed you at the end/We're goin' low, low, low, low

What A Time To Be Alive: SL!Bigb

When, when, when I said, "Leave me alone", this isn't quite what I meant/I got the quarantine blues, bad news, what's left?/So, it seems the vulture's gettin' too full to fly, oh/What a time to be alive

So Much (For) Stardust: Ren

I'm in a winter mood, dreamin' of spring now/Burnin' myself down, burnin' myself down, burnin'/I feel like something that's been stretched out over and over again/Until I'm creased, and I'm about to break down the middle/Split me right down the middle, right, right down the middle, yeah

#trafficshipping #trafficblr #life series #third life smp #last life smp #double life smp #limited life smp #secret life smp #fall out boy #ok youre getting all the series tags but not all the member tags. your welcome #anyways ITS DOOOOOOOONE #i love this post. this was so fun. and also took so fucking long #please look my work. and be so niceys to me about it. thank you

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petewentzisblack1312 · 5 months

Note

what are some of your favorite fob lyrics?

cannot answer this in a universally true manner so heres fob lyrics im thinking about right now

'tip your glass to no direction' fellowship of the nerd. very elegant and clever word play. tip your glass to no particular direction, or tip your glass to the concept of being labelled as having no direction. falls into the same category

'spent most of last night dragging this lake for the corpses of all my past mistakes' my heart is the worst kind of weapon. i didnt know what dragging a lake was until a few years ago (because saint lucia does not have any lakes) and the stark and dark imagery really makes this song a top 10 teen angst bullshit bop

'stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me. hide the details i dont want to know a thing' the pros and cons of breathing. toxic homoerotic girl best friend bops for the ages. either you cut yourself off from an abusive relationship that you never really got any closure from or were otherwise inextricably linked to someone who was poisonous to your soul or you just wont get it. i could write an essay about this song. perhaps i will.

'i know, i know, i've made mistakes. i know, i know, but at least they were mine to make.' so good right now. manic song of all time. do not tell any song on mania i said that

'i will never ask you of anything except to dream sweet of me. tell me when the party ends, will you still love who i am?' heaven, iowa. never not thinking of this line. i have explained my thoughts on this.

'i got your love letters, corrected the grammar, and sent them back. its true romance is dead, i shot it in the chest and then the head' the music of the misery. i liked this lyric so much i drafted up an enamel pin design about it. hopefully coming this valentines. do not quote me on that.

'i am gods gift, but why would he bless me with such wit without a conscience equipped' fame<infamy. yesssss king you werk those clang associations. the cadence and rhythm and rhyme of this line is like a pinnacle of lyricism. on top of that i mentioned in fall out boy is for niggas that pete often used braggadocio but with a self deprecation as a spin on it. this song as a whole is a good example of that and i think i cited a different line in that essay but this is another really good one.

'spiritual revolt from the waist down' bishops knife trick. yeah yeah gay above the waist i dont care. this is a reference to 1984 and i like that. 'youre only a revolutionary from the waist down' like you only seek spiritual change so long as it brings you pleasure. feels like it fits with the theme of mania.

ran out of steam. take my list- please!

#dils declares #ive had this in my inbox for weeks now. weeks.#sorry to the person who asked this </3 #dils dissects #also ruminating on a pros and cons analysis

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ohfallingdisco · 9 months

Note

THERE'S A ROOM IN A HOTEL IN NEW YORK CITY THAT SHARES OUR FATE AND DESERVES OUR PITY *breaks down sobbing*

TWIN SKELETONSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this one took me a little bit to warm up to ngl when i first heard it but then all the “oooh” sounding words CLICKED for me and i have not looked back 😭😭😭 it sounds so icky in the best emotional way i can’t-

also ok ok tell me to shut up if you want, but if you like the NYC song…

- my songs know what you did in the dark is its soulmate - the pros and cons of breathing is very good for next place in a playlist anddd - i slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me is very very worth a listen

#fob #cool people #<3

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igetbloody2 · 4 months

Note

What is your favorite Fall Out Boy song?

i’d saaaay, my heart is the worst kind of weapon, BUT the demo version!! lyrically it’s probably one the best fall out boy songs ever!! but i also really like XO and the pros and cons of breathing :33

#sorry for the long paragraph i can talk about bands i like FOREVER i will never shut up

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catty-words · 9 months

Note

Do you mind if I do multiple?👀 (you can totally just pick one, sorry if it's a lot😅)

Fall Out Boy-

Take This to Your Grave

From Under the Cork Tree

Infinity on High

oh, fuck yes, the big three. you get me 🖤

take this to your grave:

grand theft autumn / where is your boy (the basic bitch choice? maybe. but i cannot deny the spike of energy this one gives me)

tell that mick he just made my list of things to do today (one of their best openers !!!)

chicago is so two years ago

the pros and cons of breathing

sending postcards from a plane crash (wish you were here)

dead on arrival

the patron saint of liars and fakes

homesick at space camp

grenade jumper and/or reinventing the wheel to run myself over (they're on par, ya know?)

calm before the storm

saturday

from under the cork tree:

dance, dance (i think? damn. i didn't realize this was my favorite cork tree single but. okay. OKAY.)

sugar, we're going down (iconic showstopping never before the same)

7 minutes in heaven (atavan halen)

a little less sixteen candles, a little more touch me

nobody puts baby in the corner

sophomore slump or comeback of the year

get busy living or get busy dying (do your part to save the scene and stop going to shows)

i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth (summer song)

champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends

our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued

of all the gin joints in all the world and/or i slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me

infinity on high:

thnks fr th mmrs

fame < infamy

you're crashing but you're no wave

don't you know who i think i am?

the take over, the breaks over

hum hallelujah

i've got all this ringing in my ears and none on my fingers

this ain't a scene, it's an arms race

the (after) life of the party

the carpal tunnel of love

golden

i'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off (me & you)

thriller

bang the doldrums

#fall out boy #and their ridiculous track titles my god #take this to your grave (2003)#from under the cork tree (2005)#infinity on high (2007)#lunasink #replies #album track ranking

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riddlerosehearts · 9 months

Text

going to see fall out boy tomorrow so before i do i'm going to share my wishes for the setlist:

in the slot where they've swapped chicago is so two years ago for homesick at space camp/dead on arrival a couple times, i like chicago best but like i absolutely love all 3 of these. also if they played homesick at space camp i'd get to hear patrick sing the lyrics "my smile's an open wound without you and my hands are tied to pages inked to bring you back"!

in the take over/hum hallelujah/doldrums slot... HUM HALLELUJAH PLEASE IT JUST MIGHT BE MY FAVORITE FALL OUT BOY SONG. i won't lie i'll be a little sad if i don't get to hear it but the other two songs are great too!!

they swapped headfirst slide for 27 the other night. i like 27 better and would be so happy to hear it but like, again, i would not complain about headfirst slide

for the 8 ball song... i would love to hear something from TTTYG or FUTCT that they haven't played yet. NOT because i think FUTCT was the last good album or something though lmao.

specifically i'm trying to manifest the pros and cons of breathing, get busy living or get busy dying, or the music or the misery

OH or also i know these aren't from the albums i just listed but... carpal tunnel of love or i am my own muse!!

actually hold on i'm just gonna pick songs from each album now. so, already listed TTTYG/FUTCT/IOH above.

if the 8 ball song is from folie a deux then i want it to be the (shipped) gold standard

if it's from SRAR then death valley!! or rat a tat because i saw someone say maybe oli sykes could do courtney's parts which would be SO fucking cool

if it's from ABAP then novocaine is my top choice

i know they literally haven't done a single MANIA 8 ball but if they did... i would be so happy with stay frosty royal milk tea or wilson (expensive mistakes)

already listed my SMFS choice but i'm also gonna ask for flu game. or what a time to be alive. also in general i'm so so glad SMFS is on the table for the 8 ball.

i will be happy with almost anything though like. i can't think of a pre-hiatus song i really dislike and even the majority of post-hiatus songs are ones i wouldn't be disappointed to hear. and even if i do get an 8 ball song i'm not a fan of i just know the concert will be incredible overall!! i'm mostly just writing all this out for fun.

#SORRY i know nobody following me cares #but yeah.... really hoping they play fall out boy songs at the fall out boy concert #i would go so insane about it if they actually played the music or the misery #there's even more that i could list if i were to add in potential repeats for the 8 ball song #but this is already too long

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heartbreakfeelsogood · 1 year

Text

i was tagged by @ybcpatrick to do this song title q&a so slay thank you best fwend (let's see if i can be interesting enough)

choose an artist you like and use the names of their songs to answer these questions as closely to the truth as possible!

artist chosen: fall out boy, who else :)

what is your gender? i don't care

describe yourself: the patron saint of liars and fakes

how do you feel? i've got all this ringing in my ears, but none on my fingers

if you could go anywhere, where would it be? heaven's gate

who is/describe your best friend: *friends :) the last of the real ones

your favorite time of day: golden

if your life was a tv show, what would it be called? the kids aren't alright

what is life to you? the pros and cons of breathing

relationship status: alone together

what do you fear? death valley

tagging: @celestialtoy, @such-a-happy-mess, @missmissingsyou, @themightyfall, @pmvstump, @p4nsy, @meat-wentz and anyone else can say i tagged u!! pls make ur own post <3

#i'm gonna explain myself because i like talking hehe if u read this i love u #gender? i don't know her. go ahead and perceive me i guess i simply do not care how!#sometimes i feel like everyone knows a different version of me or at the very least i hide myself very well from my family so #i am here for the liars and fakes babey #i'm very overstimulated so that's why i put i've got all this ringing in my ears LMAO #heaven's gate... sorry ik that's depressing i just dk what else to say and i mean... kinda relatable... hope i go there some day anyway #MY BEST FRIENDS ARE MY SOULMATES I WAS JUST AN ONLY CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE AND THEN I FOUND THEM MWAHMWAH #i didn't know what to put for time of day i copied kell sorry kell xo #tv show of my life would have the audience going wow something is not right with this bitch #life is just a ferris wheel it's always up and down or whatever u know the vibes there's pros and cons to this #i have someone 2 b alone together with :]#death scary #tag game

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separatist-apologist · 2 years

Note

I'm too scared to ask what the Stella man is, so what are your top 5 fall out boy songs for kissing you in the mouth?

the stella man is the love of my life and if tumblr ever ACTUALLY relaxes their NSFW rules, i'll show him to you.

As for my top 5 FOB,

5. Hum Halleluja- Pete Wentz is always at his best when he's being flippant about his mental health/suicidal ideation. A teenage vow in a parking lot/ 'til tonight do us part/ I sing the blues and swallow them too is so relatable to me. Also, the line you are the dreamer and we are the dream/I could write it better than you ever felt it is literally PEAK emo lyricism (dad rock could nEVER)

4. Disloyal Order of the Water Buffaloes- the song is like pure crack to me. I have it on half of every playlist I make, regardless if it fits or not. Like Taylor Swifts Style, if I don't hear this at least once a week, I need to check in with myself. Am I okay? am I drinking enough water? Also, pure emo fun so boycott love/detox just to retox/and I'd promise you anything for another shot at life catch me singing that out an open window at 9am in the mornig

3. Miss Missing You- Anyone who says the don't like this song cannot be trusted. Sorry, you hate ART? Sometimes before it gets better/the darkness gets bigger/ the person that you'd take a bullet is behind the trigger (OH) I REST MY CASE

2. Bishops Knife Trick- I admit to being an "new fall out boy sucks" sort of snob, but I do hate MANIA as a whole EXCEPT for this song (and last of the real ones obviously). I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate/ it doesn't want to live in a cage/ a feeling that i can't housebreak I'm sorry, is that not EXACTLY how anxiety feels?

The Pros and Cons of Breathing- Take This To Your Grave is a perfect album and I'll die on that hill, and there was no lyric I loved more to scrawl all over everything as an angsty teen like I hate the way you say my name, like its something secret/my pen is the barrel of a gun/remind me which side you should be on (WHOA-) Was I going through something serious? Absolutely not. did I feel like I was? 100%

#now you know #and can kiss my fully on the mouth #also everyone making fun of fall out boy #as if its not taylor swift in a pair of skinny pants #OKAY I SEE YOU

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indetriment · 2 years

Text

project masterlist

completed: 9/123

below is an exhaustive list of every fall out boy song that i will be making art for.

i believe this list to be complete but if you notice something i dont, my ask is open!

also open to lyric suggestions/requests :)

songs that are crossed out are completed

20 dollar nose bleed

7 minutes in heaven

a little less ”Sixteen Candles”

Alone together

Alpha dog

America’s suitehearts

AB/AP

American made

Art of keeping up disappearances

Austin, we have a problem

Back to earth w/ Steve aoki

Bang the doldrums

Bob Dylan

Bishops knife trick

Caffeine cold

Calm before the storm

Church

Centuries

Champion

Champagne for my real friends

Chicago - Gym Class Heroes

Chicago is so two years ago

City in a garden

Coffee for closers

Dance dance

Dead on Arrival

Dear future self (Hands Up)

Death Valley

Demigods

Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes

“Don’t you know who I think I am?”

Eternal summer

Fame < infamy

Favorite record

Fourth of July

“From now on we are enemies”

ginasfs

Get busy living or get busy dying (do your best to save the scene and stop going to shows)

Golden

Grand theft autumn

Grenade jumper

Growing up

Hand of god

Headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet

Heaven’s gate

Homesick at space camp

Honorable mention

Hold me tight (or don’t)

Hot to the touch

Hum hallelujah

I don’t care

I slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me

I’m like a lawyer with the way im always trying to get you off (me+you)

Ive been waiting - lil peep

Ive got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth (summer song)

Ive got all this ringing in my ears and none on my fingers

Immortals

Irresistible

It’s hard to say I do when I don’t

It’s not a side effect of the cocaine, i am thinkingbit must be love

Jet pack blues

Just one yesterday

Love sex death

Lullabye

Miss missing you

Moving pictures

My heart is the worst kind of weapon

Light Em up

Nobody puts baby in the corner

Novocaine

Gin joints

One and Only - Timbaland

Out lawyers made us change the name of this song so we wouldnt get sued

Parker Lewis cant lose

Pavlove

Reinventing the wheel to run myself over

Rat a tat

Saturday

Save rock and roll

She’s my Winona

Short fast and loud

Sending postcards from a plane crash

Snitches and talkers get stitches and walkers

Star *67

Stay frosty royal milk tea

Stayin out all night - Wiz Khalifa

Sophomore slump or comeback of the year

Sugar were going down

Sunshine riptide

Super fade

Switchblades and infidelity

Carpal tunnel of love

The kids aren’t alright

Tell that Mick he just made my list of things to do today

The afterlife of the party

The shipped gold standard

Take over breaks over

Lake effect kid

Last of the real ones

The mighty fall

The Phoenix

The music or the misery

Pros and cons of breathing

The worlds not waiting

This ain’t a scene

Thnks fr th mmrs

Patron saint of liars and fakes

Thriller

Tiffany blues

Twin skeletons

Uma Thurman

w a m s

We were doomed from the start

west coast smoker

What a catch

Where did the party go

Wilson

Young and menace

You’re crashing but you’re no wave

Young volcanoes

Yule shoot your eye out

#indetrimentart #masterlist

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jerseyghost · 2 years

Text

no one will ever feel like this again. don't repost.

#again: bored. no inspiration. lifeless. dyinggggggggggg #no but i got some suggestions and i like all of them so !! ill be working on those in the next week or two #anyway #the pros and cons of breathing is one of fall out boy's best songs if u ask me. so many good words and stuff #jerseycollage #art #fall out boy #fob #fall out boy art #the pros and cons of breathing #take this to your grave #tttyg #typography #ididthis #words

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shemarmooresfedora · 3 years

Text

Rebuilding Family

Summary: Y/N and Spencer were college sweethearts at Cal-Tech but once Spencer got accepted to the FBI Academy, he ended things deciding it was not fair to make Y/N wait for him. When they meet again years later, he discovers something unexpected.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

A/N: hello, my loves! i am a senior in high school so the next two weeks are going to be extremely hectic for me with final exams and other senior stuff. i will try to get out chapters when i can but they may not always be on time!

Masterlist

Chapter 30

You returned home to see Spencer at the kitchen table with his laptop out and a bunch of papers sprawled out in front of him.

“What’s all this?” you asked.

“So you know how we were discussing moving into a slightly bigger house to have room for the twins,” Spencer said, “I found us a realtor and I have been printing out different houses that fit our requirements all day. You can go through them and I’ll send the approved ones over to her so she can schedule us a tour.”

“Alright, let’s see them,” you smiled, taking the seat next to him.

His hand immediately found its way to your belly and began his rubbing motions.

“This one is close to Jo's elementary school but she will only be there for 2 more years but the twins will be going there eventually. It’s just a little bit of a bigger yard than we have here. But, it’s pretty far away from your work,” Spencer stated.

He continued to go through the contenders, thoroughly explaining every pro and con that you wouldn’t even have thought of.

“This last one has the biggest backyard of them all. It’s about 8 minutes closer to your work than here. It’s even got a little sun room we can use as a book nook! It is farther from Jo’s school but it’s about a 3 minute drive to JJ and Will’s so we could start a carpool with them,” Spencer spoke.

“I think that one is my favorite as of now. And, I’m sure Jo wouldn’t have any arguments about being closer to her best friend,” you giggled.

“There’s also one more thing we need to brainstorm,” you began, “Names for the little ones. I honestly spent the better part of the day trying to think of some but I just can’t.”

“I have an idea,” Spencer smiled softly, “Ophelia.”

It was Spencer’s favorite song on your playlist that you played in the car. He even sang along to it sometimes, he actually had a nice voice when he wholeheartedly sang without caring about potentially embarrassing himself.

“Heaven help a fool who falls in love,” you grinned, finishing the lyric.

“I’m stuck on a boy name though,” Spencer huffed.

Jo came strolling into the kitchen to get her afternoon snack.

“Baby J, do you have any name suggestions for your little brother?” you asked.

Her face lit up and she ran back upstairs. She came racing back down with two books in her hand.

“Daddy, remember?” she held up a picture book.

“That’s the story I read you last night,” Spencer nodded.

“Name him ‘Oliver’ like the little baby elephant in the book!” she exclaimed.

“I actually love it,” you grinned.

“Ollie for short,” Spencer added with a smile.

“And for sister, Pinkalicious!” Jo beamed, holding up the other picture book.

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry. I think we already decided on ‘Ophelia’ for sister but we’ll keep that in the back of our minds,” you told her, giving her a pat on the head before she went back upstairs.

“I don’t know Spencer, Pinkalicious Y/L/N-Reid has quite the ring to it,” you giggled.

Your maternity leave had officially begun the week before you were due. You were lounging on the couch watching a nature documentary with Jo when you felt the sudden urge to use the bathroom.

As you stood, you felt the rushing of warm water trail down your thighs, effectively soaking your leggings, followed by a searing cramping sensation.

You immediately sat down on the hardwood floor, cringing in pain and exhaling sharply.

“Jo,” you breathed out, “I need you to call Daddy and tell him the twins are coming and get me a towel please.”

“Okay, Mommy,” Jo nodded, hopping off the couch and grabbing your phone.

She pressed Spencer’s contact as she ran upstairs to get you a towel.

Spencer was in the checkout line at the grocery store when his phone started to buzz in his pocket.

He fished it out, seeing your contact pop up, “Hey, love. I’m already in line but if you need something, make it quick so I can go run and get it.”

“Daddy! It’s Jo,” Jo announced from the other side of the phone.

“Hi, Princess. Is everything okay?” Spencer asked.

“Mommy peed a lot,” she started to say.

Spencer then heard your scream of pain in the background.

“And she said the twins are coming,” Jo stated.

“Uh-um-okay Jo, tell Mommy I’ll be there in 10 minutes. And um call Auntie JJ to come pick you up,” Spencer frantically spoke.

“Next,” the cashier called out.

“Um hi, I just got a call that my wife is going into labor so I have to go. I’m so sorry.”

The cashier smiled, “No problem. I think your wife needs you a lot more right now than these groceries.”

“Thank you,” Spencer rushed out of the store, breaking every speed limit on the way home.

JJ was pulling into the driveway at the same time Spencer was.

“Oh good, Jo called you,” Spencer said, exiting his car, “Thank you for taking her.”

“It’s no problem. She can stay with us for as long as you need,” JJ replied as they both rushed into the house.

You were still on the ground, sitting on the towel Jo retrieved for you.

“Spence, it hurts so bad like really really bad. Worse than Jo,” you grabbed his hand with tears running down your face.

“I’m so sorry, love, that I can’t take some of that pain away but we’ve got to get you to the hospital with doctors and nurses who can help,” he spoke softly, wiping the tears from your eyes with his thumbs.

You nodded and Spencer held out his arm for you to grab on to so he could help you up.

“Hospital bag?” you questioned.

“Already in the car, love. You’re doing so good, look we’re almost at the car,” he encouraged you.

“I’m going to ruin your seat,” you huffed out, motioning to your soggy pants.

“Love, that is the furthest of my concerns right now,” he assured you, helping you into the car and buckling you in.

“My wife’s in labor!” Spencer announced as he helped you hobble into the ER.

Immediately, a nurse rolled a wheelchair over to you.

“I called in the car. Dr. Collins is supposed to be on call,” Spencer said.

“Yes, right this way,” the nurse guided you to a room in the delivery wing where Dr. Collins was already waiting.

“Ah, the Reids! I guess the babies decided to come out a week early,” she smiled as Spencer and the nurse helped you into the bed.

“I’m going to check to see how many centimeters dilated you are. You can start pushing at 10,” she stated, “...and you are somehow already there. These babies are very eager to meet their parents!”

“I’m going to check the ultrasound real quick,” Dr. Collins rolled the machine over to you and scanned the wand across your belly.

“So unfortunately, we aren’t going to be able to have a vaginal birth today like planned. The baby girl is ready to come out first but she is in breech position meaning she is flipped the opposite way we want her. We’re going to bring you up to the OR for a C-section, okay?”

You looked at Spencer panickedly.

“Scared, Spence” is all you could muster.

“I can be in there with her, right?” Spencer asked.

“That is correct,” Dr. Collins nodded.

“Love, you are the strongest and bravest person I know. You can do this,” Spencer brushed your stray hairs back, “I will be right by your side the whole time and then you can finally have Ophelia and Oliver in your arms.”

“Okay,” you nodded, wincing as another contraction intensified.

“I love you so much,” Spencer kissed the top of your head as they wheeled you up to the OR.

The nurse handed Spencer scrubs to put on over his normal clothes, “Love, I need to let go of your hand for just a second to put these on but then I’ll be right back.”

Spencer continued to give you words of encouragement and promises of all the things you were going to do together as a family with the new babies to distract you from the discomfort throughout the c-section.

When you heard the first cry, you started to get choked up.

“Oh god, she’s so beautiful, Y/N. We made that,” Spencer sobbed.

You squeezed his hand, “Go.”

“Are you sure?” Spencer asked.

“Ophelia is crying for her Daddy,” you smiled through happy tears.

Spencer stood and was out of your line of vision but you could still hear his occasional sobs and him calling out the weight and other things to you from across the room.

You heard the second distinct cry. You could already tell your babies apart from just their wails alone.

“Ollie’s here, love!” Spencer bawled, “He’s just as precious as Ophelia.”

You were stitched up and brought into the recovery room as the babies were measured, tested, and swaddled. Spencer rolled two bassinets into your room with the biggest smile on his face and watery eyes.

“I can’t believe they’re here,” you wept, “How are they so cute?”

Spencer gently lifted up Ollie and placed him into your left arm and then Ophelia in your right.

You held the cooing babies in your arms, looking down at them in complete awe.

“Spence, can you take one of them?” you asked, “I mean I would love to hold them both forever but I’m thoroughly exhausted.”

“Ollie seems to be on the same page,” Spencer smiled at the little boy snoozing in your arms, “I’ll take Ophelia for a little walk and make some phone calls to our families and the team.”

Sleeping didn’t seem to be on Ophelia’s schedule as she was staring around the room with her big wide eyes, trying to take in the whole world.

“Ophelia, that’s your Dada,” you explained to her even though you knew she couldn’t understand.

“Yes, I’m your Dada,” Spencer beamed as he accepted the baby into his arms.

taglist: (just ask to be added or removed!): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @g0lden-cth @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @harrystylesandthegoobs @cmily @rem-ariiana

#spencer reid fluff #dad!spencer #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer x reader #reid x reader #cm fanfic #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid fic #criminal minds #cm fic

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maddiwrites · 3 years

Text

Secret Lives

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: You and JJ never got along so your friends trap the two of you on a boat in the middle of the marsh to work it out. Only it doesn’t go as planned.

Note: Hi guys! This is my first writing piece. I tried not to do a two parter for my first one but it ended up being so long. Sorry! I would love to hear your feedback so feel free to leave me a message! Part two will be posted soon. Also I have completed a rewrite of the show with a JJ x Routledge sister pairing so keep an eye out for that! Also wanna shout out @skiesofthesketchy @malfoyfarms @collecting-stories because they were some of the first masterlists I read and I loved them and it inspired me to write my own. So thank you!

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: Language, angst, very slight mentions of abuse

Part 2

Y/N Y/L/N. That’s you. Or as some like to call you, Hannah Montana. You live the best of both worlds, living it up on Figure Eight and wearing hundred dollar dresses to fancy dinners and parties, sneaking expensive mimosas to brunches with your friends, and getting biweekly mani pedi’s with your sister. Meanwhile, when you’re not rolling around in the luxuries of Kook Life, you’re rolling around in the dirt with your Pogue friends, baking in the sun on a dirty small boat while drinking the cheapest beer one of the boys’ could get their hands on. Most Kooks hated you even when they wanted to be you. And most Pogues didn’t trust you even as they tried getting in your pants.

One of them being JJ Maybank.

Kiara introduced you to her group of friends right after freshman year. The two of you were the black sheep of Kook Academy. Both your families have money, sure. But you weren’t jerks about it. You enjoy a little pampering here and there, but you’re not tone deaf and superficial like the rest of your peers. You were so grateful that your science teacher paired you two together for that year’s science fair. You instantly clicked with the curly brunette and spent most of the class talking about whatever came to mind instead of actually brainstorming project ideas. After working together for months on a science fair project with a shared passion of wanting to help save the environment, Kie finally introduced you to her best friends.

John B and Pope immediately made you feel like one of the group. Sure, they were curious about your life but you never felt like you were being interrogated with questions. They included you on inside jokes and even gave you the nickname ‘Sassy’ after proving to them that you can hold your own in a verbal fight.

Thanks to JJ.

From the start he claimed to never like you. He hated where you were from, who your parents were, and that you never had a job. He hated that you didn’t even have to try to get people to like you. In his eyes, everything was handed to you on silver platter. You had a picture perfect life and all you had to do was bat your eyelashes and show off your pearly white teeth. He couldn’t stand you.

Yet, he was dangerously attracted to you.

He loved the way your hair shined against the setting sun, he loved that you didn’t wear makeup every single day like every other Kook on the island, he loved how your white jean shorts perfectly shaped your curves, and he loved how your temper was as equally as short as his because it made you fighting with him that much hotter.

Last night was no different than every other night with you and your friends. It was quiet, spent around a bonfire in John B’s back yard. You sipped on cheap beer from the can while the smell of JJ’s marijuana smoke wafted through the air. Kie lightly strummed the strings of her ukulele while Pope and JJ bickered about the pros and cons of smoking weed.

This was your family. You had friends on the other side of the island too but you weren’t as close as you were with the Pogues. You would do anything for the people surrounding you. Even JJ. You tried to tell yourself you hated him just as much as he hated you, but you couldn’t help but feel like every other girl on this island, falling for his ocean blue eyes and golden locks. His wit and his charm. His loyalty and protectiveness of his friends. How he looked with his shirt off. How he would wink at you when he caught you staring. You wished you didn’t, but you loved him.

“Hellooo, Y/N?” John B waved his hand in front of your face. You hadn’t even realized you’d been staring.

“I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

John B smirked but didn’t say what he was thinking. He always thought you and JJ were acting dumb when it was clear as day that the two of you were attracted to each other. He always caught you two staring at one another when the other wasn’t looking. You two would always ask about the other person when they weren’t there even if it was just to throw a sharp jab behind their back.

“I asked you what you were up to this weekend.”

“Oh,” You shrugged. “Probably run some errands, babysit my neighbor’s kids...”

Just like Hannah Montana, you also lived a secret life. Your life wasn’t as perfect as everyone thought it was, but you’d never admit to it. Your mother would be crushed, your friends would find you stupid and pathetic, and you would hate yourself even more than you already did.

“Good. Sunday we’re going to check out the surfing competition on Seasill Beach. JJ’s trying to qualify for it next year.”

Your smile immediately dropped. “Sunday. Oh.”

“Already got a spa day planned, Princess?” JJ smirked from across the way.

“I, uh,” You tried your best to fake a grin. “I’m sorry. I can’t go. I already have plans.”

You held you breath as you waited for someone to respond. This was the third time this month you flaked on your friends without a good explanation. You never knew what to tell them, only that you had plans. You were afraid if you said anything else, they’d find out you were lying.

“Again?” Kie stopped playing her ukulele to look at you. “Seriously. Is there some secret boy we should know about or something?”

You scoffed. “No.”

You felt the most guilty lying to Kie. After all she was your best friend. The one you were supposed to be able to share everything with, even the stuff you couldn’t tell your parents.

“Kie’s right. You bailed on us last week last minute too,” Pope said.

You opened your mouth to say something, but your head wasn’t working fast enough to come up with a lie.

“We all knew this day would come.” JJ’s smirk was gone. He flicked the butt of his joint into the fire and claps off the ash from his hands. “Hannah Montana dips her toes into the wild life. She feels free and independent long enough to decide she’d rather go back to her cookie cutter life and live with all the privilege that daddy has to offer.”

The word ‘daddy’ physically made you flinch. Your eyes narrowed in a tight glare as you dug your fingernails into the palm of your hand, hating that this was the way JJ thought of you.

“J...” John B tried to warn him but JJ didn’t listen.

“No, seriously.” JJ stood up. “I bet the reason she’s not telling us what all her ‘plans’ are is because she knows you’ll all be disappointed. Me? Well, I couldn’t care less whether you hung out with us or not. In fact, I’ve been praying for it. So tell us, Y/N, what are you doing that you won’t tell us? If it’s not some dude, then maybe you decided you’d rather be a Kook. Are you going to fancy lunches and riding yachts across the ocean? Maybe you’re spitting in the faces of the people who work to make your life easier. Maybe -”

“JJ!” Kie yelled.

You stood up, your vision turning red and your skin going hot. Usually you could take JJ’s insults. You were use to JJ throwing your family’s money in your face, trying to make you feel bad for something you can’t control, but this was too much. Because now he was calling you out on your loyalty to your friends. And he was so far from the truth.

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” You said. The other three stood up when you took a step in JJ’s direction. John B stood close to you. He didn’t know what you were going to do, but he’s never heard your voice so low and threatening in a long time. The other time was with a Kook who was giving JJ shit. Ironically. “For me to just leave.”

“I didn’t stutter, did I?”

“Well I hate to break it to you, but I’m not going anywhere. In fact, because I’m such a nice friends, I’m going to give you some free advice. First, the last thing you want to question me about is my loyalty to the people who’s lives I would put before my own. Second, I would suggest removing that stick up your ass because it seems like your way too uptight to handle it.”

JJ glared at you and didn’t move to respond. A part of you was surprised he didn’t have anything to come back with and the other part of you was relieved.

The thick tension between you and your friends was suffocating. Your night had been effectively ruined by a simple question. But the sad part is, you didn’t even know who to blame. JJ, or the other man causing most of your guilt and grief.

“Y/N/N...” Kie tried stopping you as you gathered your stuff to leave.

“I’m out of here.”

You stormed out of the backyard and into your car. There was only so much you could take until you broke. And you were not going to give JJ Maybank the satisfaction of seeing you break.

***********************

You couldn’t fall asleep last night. JJ’s words kept replaying in your head like a bad song stuck on replay. You wanted to hate him. You wanted to blame him for not trusting you. But instead, you hated yourself. Because you’re the reason he can’t trust you. Cause you have secrets you don’t want shared.

Your thumb hovered over his contact. Not JJ’s. The man who’s made your life a living hell for the last sixteen years. You wanted to scream and cry and slap him in his face. But instead, you stayed frozen in fear. Like the little pathetic girl he says you are. And you hated yourself more for proving him right.

Your attention was taken away when someone busted through your bedroom door out of breath. Kie immediately went to your drawers and pulled out the first bathing suit she could find and threw it at you.

“Kie -”

“We need to go,” She said. “Get dressed.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Pope and John B ran out of gas doing grocery runs for Heyward. We need to get them with the HMS Pogue.”

“Where’s JJ? Why can’t he help you?”

“He’s working,” Kie said quickly. “Come on.”

***********************

You and Kie found Heyward’s boat stranded in the middle of the marsh like Kie said it would be. John B and Pope were waiting for you on the back and thanking you both for coming to help. You hold the gas as they helped you onto the boat. They directed you to the tank while they helped Kie.

As soon as you made your way to the front of the boat, you heard the engine of the Pogue rev and take off. You dropped the gasoline gallon and sprinted to the back of the boat where they left you. John B and Pope waved back to you as Kie drove them back to the Chataeu.

“What the hell?” You yelled at them to come back.

“You and JJ need to work your shit out!” John B yelled back to you.

“What...” You mumbled to yourself before you heard the sound of heavy footsteps running towards you. You gasp in surprise when a sweaty JJ passed you to glare at the boat that’s getting smaller and smaller by the second.

“What the fuck?” He screamed.

“There’s food and blankets in the cabin!” Pope yelled back.

“We’ll come get you in the morning,” Kie said.

You clenched your teeth together with frustration. JJ looked just as pissed off and small part of you was disappointed with that. He turned around, cursing to himself and hitting random shit in his way.

This was going to be a long day.

***********************

After four hours, you and JJ still hadn’t spoken to each other. He took over the cabin while you laid out on the back of the boat. Your head was running with different thoughts. Should you try to make up with JJ? Should you just continue to ignore him? Should you tell him why you can’t go to the surfing competition tomorrow?

You didn’t know what to do but you knew you couldn’t sit here in silence anymore.

You reluctantly stood in front of him with crossed arms. He was smoking a blunt and looking out into the setting sun. If you were friends, you would take a picture of him right now. The pink sky painted his skin perfectly.

“What?” He said without looking at you.

“Seriously?” You raised one brow. “We’re asked to do one thing on this boat and that’s all you have to say?”

“I’m not sorry for what I said last night.”

“Neither am I.”

“Fine.”

You rolled your eyes. The problem with both of you was that you’re both stubborn. But if the problem with JJ couldn’t be fixed today, you didn’t know how much longer you would be able to put up with his rude remarks and assumptions about you.

“What the hell is your problem?” You said.

“My problem?”

“Yeah. Your problem. You’ve been treating me like shit ever since Kie introduced me to you. What could I have possibly done to make you hate me so goddamn much?”

JJ shook his head in annoyance. “I’m not doing this.”

He got up and walked to the back of the boat where you were sulking not even five minutes ago. You followed him like the stubborn person you were and you continued to grill him.

“I’ve tried so hard to be your friend. I’ve bought you drugs, I’ve even done yours and JB’s laundry. I put in a good word to the tourons who ask about you at boneyard parties. I laugh at your jokes, even when they’re about my friends. I try so hard to be on your good side and you still want nothing to do with me!”

“Because you’re a Kook!”

“So?”

“You have everything. Money, family, friends, a future. I don’t trust you because I don’t know what the hell you want with us. What do we possibly have that you can’t get on Figure Eight? Hm? Are you trying to prove a point to your mom that you don’t need her? You trying to prove to your dad that you’re a tough girl and don’t need his money or protection to keep you safe? Huh?”

“You know what your problem is? You don’t listen! I’ve told you time and time again that I don’t care about any of those things. I hang out with you guys because you are my friends. I have a good time when I’m with you. Why is that so hard for you to get?”

JJ scoffed. “Please. You don’t think I see you constantly checking your cell phone? Making sure no one can see who you’re texting? If we’re such good friends, why won’t you tell us what you’re doing tomorrow? You always have ‘other plans’ and then you never tell us what they are.”

“Because that’s none of your business!”

“If my friends are going to get hurt because of some lying bitch then it is my business!”

You were breathing so heavily, you were basically panting. Your blood felt like it was boiling under your skin and your head felt fuzzy with lack of thoughts. You didn’t know what to say, truly lost for words.

JJ took another step closer to you. You’re so close to him, you can feel his breath on your face and see every mark on his skin. You never knew he had a scar right above his brow or a freckle under his ear. He smelled like weed and sun sunscreen and his breath like mint. Had you not been fired up with rage, you would have thought he looked hot and maybe even made a move.

But now it was the last thing you wanted to do.

“I’m sick and tired of you spoiled brats getting everything you want. You’re nothing but a spoiled rich kid who doesn’t even know the kind of privilege she has if it hit her in the face. You can’t relate to anything we have to go through. You don’t have to get dirt underneath your fingernails to make a buck. You don’t have to wonder where your next meal is coming from. You wouldn’t last a week on the Cut because you’ve never known what it’s been like to live the life we do!”

“You don’t know anything about me!” You snapped. The heart in your chest felt like it was being shredded to pieces by a rapid wolf. You felt like you were being torn apart one by one with each insult he threw in your face. Little did he know, he was wrong.

“I know enough to never want to see you again. I will never accept you into our group of friends. Don’t you get that? So you can stop playing the nice girl act around me and go back to Sarah Cameron and the other Kooks that you still hang out with despite knowing everything they’ve done to us. To Kie!”

Bringing up the fight between Kie and Sarah was a low blow and JJ knew it. It was something you always struggled with because you continued to be friends with both of them separately. At first, they were both mad at you but then accepted your friendship when they came around to loving the idea that you would fight for both of them. You tried getting them to talk and make up, but both of them refused. Maybe you should just stick them on a boat in the middle of nowhere and force them to work it out.

Although, clearly your experience with it wasn’t going so well.

“That’s not fair.”

“Yeah, well life’s not fair sweet heart. But you wouldn’t know about that.”

You thought the fight last night was bad. But this one took the icing off the cake. You wished so desperately that Kie had just trapped you both in a locked room, so at least you had the chance to break out and run away from the darkness that was clouding around you.

You were most upset that this was how JJ thought of you. You didn’t know if you would have the same devastating reaction if someone else had said these things to you. You wanted so badly to be friends with the blonde Pogue. You saw the way he interacted with his friends and you wanted to be a part of that small circle so badly, you would almost do anything to be in it.

But you didn’t think you could last another second of being belittled and tormented with JJ’s outspoken feelings towards you. You wished there was a rewind button so you could go back to bed and hopefully never wake up and you’d lock your door so Kie couldn’t break in.

You swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall and admit your defeat. You wanted to find the nearest corner and crawl into it and escape the murderous glare of JJ Maybank. JJ was wrong. You didn’t have everything. Because in this moment, you still wanted him. And you were just realizing that you never will.

“You judge me by the surface. You’ve never once tried to get to know me. You don’t ask. You just assume that I’m like every other kid on Figure Eight. You don’t know where I’ve came from. What I’ve been through. What I live with. You don’t know my plans for the future or my hobbies or even my favorite color because you didn’t ask!” Adrenaline pushes through your veins like a wave of energy. You’ve never felt so powerful but so small in your life.

“All right. So tell me,” JJ said. “Tell me whatever story you can think of that will change my mind about you.”

You paused, standing there face to face with someone who will never accept you. You were suddenly overcome with so many emotions you didn’t know which one to choose from. Anger, sorrow, fear, confusion, shame.

You couldn’t believe you even thought about telling JJ your story. A story that you haven’t even told Kie. The story about how you were actually born and raised on the far end of the south side. How your dad use to abuse your mother right in front of you before she managed to escape when you were eight. For six months you lived in her car before she got a job as a housekeeper at a cheap motel used mostly for hookers and their cliental. Her employer let you live rent free if your mom accepted a cheaper pay check. During one of her shifts, your mother ran right into Andrew Y/L/N. No, he wasn’t one of the hooker’s clients. He was actually on the property looking to buy out the place. Even though he was a Kook, he looked through the housekeeper’s uniform into my mom’s heart and loved everything about her. He took her on a couple dates, then less than a year later, married her. You changed your last name to his because you didn’t want any relation to your father anymore. You thought the man was scum and deserved to rot in hell for everything he put your mom through. You hated him and even wished for him to die. Sometimes you even thought about doing it yourself. But then you saw him again. At a gas station in the middle of The Cut. You couldn’t believe he recognized you and you were even more shocked he had the audacity to talk to you. And you listened. He told you how sorry he was. How he never meant to hurt your mom. How he missed his baby girl and wanted to be in her life again. You fell for every word because a part of you you didn’t know existed missed having a biological dad.

That was your biggest mistake.

He didn’t change. He was still the same bastard he was eight years ago, using violence and threats with people much weaker than him to get what he wanted. He loved guilting you with your new luxuries. How you now had everything right under your fingertips after you left him to wither away with nothing. He said you owed him. Because you were his daughter and you were supposed to love him unconditionally. And you fell for it every time. He never hurt you like he hurt your mom. A few slaps here and there but nothing to leave a mark to get your mother questioning.

So now you were trapped - trapped in his world and in his life. Using your own money that you actually worked for, little did JJ know, to pay for his bills, his drugs, and sometimes, even his bail.

You didn’t tell anyone about this secret life because you didn’t want anyone to make you feel any more pathetic and weak than you already felt. And most importantly, you didn’t want to hurt your mother by telling her you’ve been supporting the one person she’s been trying to protect you from.

And you were about to risk that by telling someone who probably still wouldn’t care about you even after hearing what you had to say. You are who you are. If JJ didn’t like you now, he shouldn’t like you after telling him your story, anyway.

“No.” You shook your head.

“No?” JJ scoffed. “I’m finally asking you tell me something and you’re saying no?”

“Because you don’t care, JJ! Not really. You think knowing my sob story is going to get you to like me? I don’t need a pity friendship. I am who I am because of shit I’ve had to overcome. And this is me now. So if you don’t like it, then fine. We’ll do it your way and call it quits.” JJ didn’t say anything as you turned around to find somewhere to pass out in hopes of getting morning to come faster.

You found a blanket deep into the cabin and pulled it over your body, shielding yourself away from the world. You hoped the darkness would sweep through your head so you wouldn’t be plagued with torturous thoughts about your past or what’s going to happen to tomorrow. You cried - you cried because even after JJ ripped into your like a zoo animal, he still hated you.

JJ was wrong. You didn’t have everything. Because you didn’t have him.

***********************

Surprisingly, the sun rose sooner than you expected it to. Sleeping on the swaying boat wasn’t as awful as you thought it was going to be. In fact, it was kind of peaceful with the stars above you and the sound of moving water right under you.

The morning wasn’t so calming. You were slapped in the face with memories of the night before. Your stomach twisted at the thought of being face to face with JJ again. You knew what you had to do and thinking about it made you sick and depressed.

You pushed yourself up and checked the time on the radio. 8:03. Anxiety instantly flooded through you. You only had two hours to get home to be ready in time to run ‘errands’ with your dad.

You looked out to the back of the boat where JJ was looking into the horizon, probably waiting for your friends to come.

Fresh set of tears pricked your eyes at what’s to come. You loved your friends and you even loved JJ. But you couldn’t stay with the Pogues. You didn’t want to make JJ any more uncomfortable than he already was and you were afraid the constant fighting would push your friends further apart. You didn’t want to be the reason for that.

You pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders and walked next to JJ. Without a word, you looked out in the same direction he was looking and admired the morning sun.

Surprisingly, JJ was the first one to speak. He looked at you and instantly felt guilty all over again. He tossed and turned all night contemplating on whether he should wake you up to apologize or just wait until morning. He knew he wasn’t being fair. You’ve done nothing but tried to earn his trust since day one. You accepted him for all his flaws and he couldn’t do the same for you. Yeah there was the phone thing and not telling the others what you’re up to, but it wasn’t like you were constantly in his business. If you see him with unexplained bruises, you don’t pester him about it. If he comes back to the Chateau in a pissy mood and blames it on a fight with his dad, you try to make him forget about it with a distraction instead of making him tell you what the fight was about. Why couldn’t he give you the same respect?

Truth was he wasn’t so much worried about his friends getting hurt as he was getting hurt. He liked you more than a friend should which would make your departure from your friends that much more heartbreaking for him. He never felt this way over a girl, let a lone a Kook and he tried so desperately to hate you. But it didn’t work. Instead, it made him feel like the biggest asshole in the world. He wanted to fix what he broke. He told himself he still had time left. His friends weren’t back yet to get him.

“Listen, Y/N -”

“It’s fine, J,” You sniffled. This time you couldn’t stop the tears from running down your cheeks. You tried blinking them away which only made them fall faster. You hated crying in front of people. Your dad always said it was a sign of weakness and you believed him. You wouldn’t be surprised if JJ laughed in your face right now and called you a loser. “It’s done.”

“What are you talking about?”

JJ’s heart physically broke when he saw your tears. He had never seen you cry. Not even out of joy. He couldn’t believe he was the cause of this. That he had made someone as beautiful and as kind as you actually feel bad about herself. He wished he could take back time and start over. He wished he gave her a chance from the beginning. He wished it wasn’t too late.

You both looked up when you heard the engine of the HMS Pogue. In the distance, you could hear your friends laughing and calling out to you, not yet realizing their plan went to shit. You had to make this quick.

“The last thing I want is to get between you and your friends. You don’t have to worry about me hurting anyone, especially Kie. I’ll back off.” You said, making JJ’s brows furrowed in confusion and his heart raced with worry. “I’m giving you what you want. I’ll stay out of your life.”

JJ couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe he drove you to do the one thing he actually never wanted you to do. “Wait. You’re leaving?”

You looked JJ in the eyes and he wished you didn’t. Because for the first time, he didn’t see the light behind your eyes or the little crinkle in the corner when you smiled. They were dull and lifeless, making him sick to his stomach.

“I didn’t stutter. Did I?” You used his words from the other night and it felt like a stab in the heart to JJ.

JJ was left speechless which almost never happens. He wished he could say something, anything, to make you feel differently, to tell you he was wrong and sorry. But nothing came out. He could barely breathe.

“Hey you crazy kids,” Kie’s voice pierces the air, jokingly and airy. If only she knew that wasn’t how you were feeling.

“Missing a key or something?” John B joked alongside her.

“You should have called us sooner!” Pope added.

When the boat came closer to yours, they finally got a look at the two of you. They were shocked to see you silently crying and looking like all the life had been sucked out of you. JJ looked mad but they couldn’t tell whether he was mad at you or them or himself.

The three of them went sick with anxiety, suddenly wondering if this was a bad idea. Kie tried to get you make eye contact, but you wouldn’t look at her. You couldn’t look at any of them - afraid you might actually break completely if you did.

“Y/N/N...” Kie said softly.

“You guys okay?” John B asked wearily.

JJ helped Pope tie The Pogue to Heyward’s boat and hopped on right after. Pope traded spots with JJ and came up beside you and stood there awkwardly. He didn’t know what to do either.

You looked up at him before he could come up something probably stupid to ask. “Can you drop me off please?”

Pope glanced back at his friends and nodded. “Uh, sure. John B will probably get you there faster though if you -”

“No, it’s okay,” You said. You didn’t think you’d be able to handle being in an enclosed space with JJ for another minute. You just wanted to go home and forget the past two years ever happened. “I’ll stay here.”

Pope shrugged at his friends when you trudged back into the cabin and curled yourself into the corner. You didn’t know what the next few weeks would be like, but you hoped they go better than the last twenty four hours did.

#jj maybank fic #jj x reader #jj fic #jj maybank #jj #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x kook!reader #outer banks #outer banks fic #outer banks imagine #john b routledge #kiara carrera #pope heyward

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bugsandchatons · 3 years

Text

when you weren’t mine to lose

Summary: Change is a scary thing, especially when it feels like nothing has stayed the same.

It's been a year since Marinette became the Guardian of the Miracle Box - a year of struggling beneath a burden she never asked for, a weight that has her leaning on her partner more and more as the hours fly by, of letting him come to her, too, when he needs a soft place to land. A year of falling for the boy who takes on the world by her side with a smile made of sunlight, and fighting the growing urge to tell him what he means to her.

After all, they'll have time enough for that when Paris is safe.

But when the unthinkable happens, Marinette learns the tragedy of loving someone quietly, and the lines she'll cross to save him.

Thank you to @emsylcatac for looking over the first chapter for me!! 💙

[[on AO3]]

***

[one: when I was living for the hope of it all]

The passage of time can be a funny thing.

As Ladybug touched down onto the roof of the apartment that once belonged to one Wang Fu, she thought of how, for every one thing that withstood the hours, another would inevitably change.

There were the facts of Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s life that even passing years couldn’t seem to touch: akumas, for one, rampant and undeterred in the onslaught to claim what Hawkmoth wanted but could never be allowed to have; just as there was the presence of Chat Noir only one step behind, landing in a crouch at her side with a smile made of sunbeams. The rooftops they haunted to keep Paris safe remained more or less unchanged, as did the weight that never left Ladybug’s tired shoulders, and the deepening cracks in a heart that loved too much and too many. There were designs in need of sewing and stacks of homework to get through and secrets to keep, and only so many hours in the day.

But when Ladybug looked back on the year that had passed, it felt like everything had changed. That too much had.

Over the summer, Marinette had turned sixteen. She had a red-spotted box buried in her room that carried more responsibility than she knew what to do with. She was split down the middle and slowly coming apart at the seams.

Ladybug takes a deep breath in through her nose, holding it a moment before letting it go. She’d fix it. She always did.

Behind her, Chat Noir huffs. His clawed fingers are tangled hopelessly in the string of her yoyo, and the look on his face is one of such intense concentration that she almost laughs. Instead, she looks away, nose scrunching.

If there’s one change that’s been slowly driving her to distraction, it’s this: when had Chat Noir gotten so tall? And when had she begun to notice?

“That’s not meant to be a toy, Chat,” she reminds him, though the reprimand is nowhere near stern.

Undeterred, Chat comes to join her at the edge of the roof, his smile bright. “Look, bug. It’s the Eiffel Tower.”

She looks, and the corner of her mouth twitches into a reluctant grin. He has, indeed, twisted the string into something resembling the tower between his hands.

“Good job, kitty. Now give it back before you knot it.”

He stretches, the long line of his spine a graceful curve, before depositing the yoyo back into her waiting palm. He scans the horizon, one hand at his brow to block the setting sun. “Did you see the Ladyblog last night? I didn’t know Alya jumped in that close to get that shot.”

Ladybug sighs. She was the one who’d swung in to snatch her friend out of harm’s way. “She’s going to get hurt one of these days.”

“I think she might be immortal,” Chat whispers, as though he’s uncovered a secret. Ladybug snorts, and he grins at the sound before continuing, “she’s something, anyway.”

The way he says it is fond and familiar, not so unlike how Marinette would sound, were she the one talking about Alya. She glances at him, quick and considering, before deciding it best to let that train of thought go. It steps a bit too close into dangerous territory.

“She is something. I guess after nearly being dunked into the Seine in a mummy’s coffin, nothing can really scare her,” Ladybug muses. “I envy her a bit for that.”

She hadn’t meant to let that last thought slip.

Chat turns to face her. “You envy Alya nearly being drowned in the Seine?”

A laugh tumbles out of her. She lets her feet swing back and forth and watches them instead of him. “No, silly. The ‘nothing can scare her’ part.”

There’s a pause where all she can hear is the sounds of the city below and his even breaths. He doesn’t make light of it like maybe he would have, once. It’s only another sure mark of how things have changed: they’ve both seen too much to keep up any pretense of being fearless.

“What’s scaring you, LB?”

When she chances a look up at him, the fading light has lent a halo to his golden hair. His smile has softened into something open, endlessly patient. He’d take her word or accept her silence.

It had never really mattered to her that Chat Noir was beautiful, before. Lately, though, his quicksilver grins had her turning away before he could see the heat coloring her cheeks. The raw, unfiltered sincerity in his gaze set her heart pounding. He was always there, at Ladybug’s side or on Marinette’s terrace, his laugh a song in her ears, his touch a ghost on her skin.

His friendship meant everything to her. Maybe one day she’d be able to tell him.

He catches her looking and his expression turns serious, green eyes intent on hers. Ladybug’s quick inhale gets caught somewhere on the way to her lungs, and she remembers he’d asked her a question.

“Nothing really, kitty.” Too much. Everything. “Don’t worry about it.”

There’s something sharp in his eyes as he nods. He knows she’s lying, just as well as he knows he can’t press, not really. His hand goes to the back of his neck and his gaze darts away. “If you’re sure.”

She tries on a smile. “I am.”

He stays quiet for a moment, nothing between them but the breeze before he speaks again, his voice sheepish. “So I’ve been meaning to ask you something, but I...I don’t want to make you mad.”

Ladybug bumps her shoulder against his. “You can ask me anything. Well,” she hastily amends, “almost anything.”

Chat’s smile doesn’t make it to his eyes. He fidgets in place next to her, picking at a crack in the cement. “Okay, hear me out. I’ve been thinking, with Master Fu gone, no one knows us. It’s been a year and we’re nowhere closer to figuring out who Hawkmoth is. I know sharing our identities has always been dangerous, but…” his brow furrows behind his mask. “Isn’t it a little dangerous for no one at all to know?”

Ladybug drops her gaze to the streets below, lips pressed into a taut line. She’d be lying to him if she said the same question hadn’t plagued her for months. She lost hours at night, lying awake and wondering what if.

Should the worst happen to them, not a single soul would know what had become of Marinette Dupain-Cheng. The boy behind Chat Noir’s mask could disappear, and she wouldn’t even know where to look. No one would.

“I’ve thought about it, too,” she admits, her voice low. Chat’s ears perk, and she holds a hand up as if to halt his enthusiasm in its tracks. “I have, but...it’s a lot. I’m not saying no,” she assures him, “Just...not today.”

Chat picks up her hand and Ladybug jumps, just a little. She watches, silent, as Chat brings her knuckles up to his lips, a faint, careful memory of a kiss, before releasing her fingers.

It’s been months since his casual overtures of affection had all but stopped. She wants to snatch his hand back as it withdraws and hold on, for just a moment more.

“Whenever you’re ready, my lady,” he says. “And if you decide you don’t want me to know your name, I would still be willing to tell you mine.”

Their eyes catch and hold in the dark. His offer is a tempting one. He’d give everything he had to her, she knows, without expecting anything in return.

It’s precisely when something is important, that it's important to say it, no matter what.

It hits her then, in a punch to the chest that steals her breath, just how much she’d like to lean in, close the chasm between them, and kiss him. But if there’s one more thing time hasn’t touched, it’s the same fear that snaps at her heels whenever she tries to take a step.

Instead, Ladybug jumps to her feet, yoyo in hand. “I-I’ll think on it, Chaton. There’s pros and cons either way, and it’s a big decision to make, and I—”

He stands up more slowly as she stammers, his smile soft and just a little sad. Her voice dies in her throat. “I know, bug. Just remember you don’t have to do it all alone. I’m here for you, you know?”

She did know. It was the one, unassailable truth of her life—Chat was by her side, ready to lighten her burden whenever he could, whenever she’d let him.

Ladybug steps forward, catching the slight widening of his eyes as she rises on her toes to slide her arms around his neck. She tucks her nose into the curve of his collarbone, where he smells like sunshine and leather and something like home.

She feels his breath hitch in his chest before he bands his arms around her waist and pulls her in closer still. His heart pounds against hers, a harmony she knows better than most.

Chat turns his cheek into her hair, his breath warm as it ghosts over her ear. “What’s this for?” he murmurs, but she can hear the smile in his words.

For everything I can’t say, Ladybug thinks, and squeezes him just a little tighter. For burrowing his way under her skin, for melting into the marrow of her bones, flooding her veins and drowning her heart, until he grew into something vital she’s not sure she could live without.

She should tell him she loves him, that she always had, but the words felt heavier than they might have once.

Tomorrow. Ladybug takes a deep breath before releasing him and stepping back to solid ground. There was always tomorrow.

When she glances up, she catches a flash of something in his eyes, confused or curious or both. It was getting dangerous, how well he could read her.

“Goodnight, Chat Noir,” she says, the words soft.

He watches her, measuring, before letting the moment pass by unremarked. Her stomach flips, a dizzying blend of relief and disappointment. “Goodnight, my lady,” he murmurs. “See you tomorrow.”

Ladybug stays and watches him go, a black blur vaulting away until the dark claims him completely. “I have time,” she whispers to the wind and turns for home.

After all, there would always be tomorrow.

She sets her phone and the Ladyblog aside and rises to her knees, opens the terrace hatch, and lets the night inside. Chat Noir drops in and lands in a crouch on her mattress, stark black against the pink of her bedding. The smile he offers her is a convincing one, well-practiced and charming, but she knows him better.

***

Hours later, when a tell-tale tapping on her window draws her attention to glowing green eyes in the dark, Marinette wonders if the world is desperately trying to tell her something.

“Did I wake you?”

‘No, minou,” Marinette assures him, shifting back into her nest of pillows. “It is getting late, though.”

It’s a statement and an invitation in one. They’ve developed a sort of shorthand since the first time he stumbled onto her balcony, broken and so lonely she ached from only the echoes of it. She can say so much in so few words, and he can hear the meaning that hides in between her breaths.

He hesitates, uncertain and almost shy in a way that never fails to find her smile and bring it to the light. She pats the bed beside her and lifts the blanket. His own smile turns a little less brittle and he crawls over to settle in at her side, warm despite the chill he brought in with him.

Chat burrows under the covers before dropping his chin onto her shoulder. His wild hair is downy soft against her cheek. “What are we watching?”

She sifts her fingers through the hair at the back of his head and he melts into her touch like a starving stray. Like always, it cracks her heart.

She’s learned her partner hurts, sometimes. She doesn’t know why, but she wonders, as she wonders how she never really saw it before. He has so many fragile fault lines running beneath boundless bravado and spirited humor, and though he tries not to show it to Ladybug, whatever it was the led him to Marinette’s terrace keeps him visiting more and more, restless and wounded, something unspoken clawing beneath his skin.

Marinette knows she probably shouldn’t have let him in, logistically speaking, and she certainly shouldn’t let him stay. She has her secrets to keep and he has his, and their little slumber parties have just become another. It’s asking for trouble, she knows.

But he’s her best friend. If there’s a tempest that chases him away from his home and out into the night, if it’s all she can do, she’ll be his port in the storm.

“Ladybug and Chat Noir take on Mr. Pigeon, round...what? Fifty-four?” Marinette murmurs. She feels a groan rumble out of his chest, transforming into a quiet laugh.

“Come on. All of Paris has to be sick of that fight by now.”

In the glow of her screen, Marinette smiles. “Oh, definitely. But I could never deprive Alya of her well-deserved page views.”

Chat shifts around to look at her, his sharp grin softening into something warm that sets loose a swarm in her belly. “You’re a good friend, Marinette.”

She bites back a sigh. A better friend might tell him the truth: that she’s not entirely who he thinks she is, that she knows him better than she ought to. That she knows he hides what hurts.

Then again, she keeps her scars to herself, too.

Marinette flicks the bell at his throat. The light tinkling of it cuts through the quiet. “Yeah, yeah. You only say that because I take you in and give you pastries.”

“No,” he objects immediately, his expression serious. “Well, maybe a little, but it’s not the only reason.”

She sinks deeper into her pillows, smiling all the while. Her hip lines up to Chat’s, soft cotton against battered leather. They lay side by side - thigh to thigh, knee to knee. It’s no different than sleepovers with Alya, except that it absolutely is. She doesn’t have to ask if he’s staying, and somewhere along the way, he stopped asking if he should go.

“Bedtime, minou,” she mumbles.

Chat leans down into his pillow. He faces her with bright eyes searching hers for something that, one day, Marinette is scared he’ll find.

“Goodnight, Marinette.”

Goodnight, my lady.

Marinette shuts her eyes. Tomorrow, she swears. Tomorrow.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug fics #ladynoir #marichat #ml fic #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #fic:when you weren't mine to lose #aw heck i did the thing #its been a hot minute since ive posted fic and omg the nerves #i forgot them #ml lovesquare

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realcube · 3 years

Text

his offer || nishinoya x reader

summary: nishinoya has one night to prove to you that he’d be the best boyfriend

not a song fic! but it might seem like that at the beginning

tw// swearing, sexual references, energy drinks, lord’s name in vain, murder references, fluff, angsty, crying, skirt wearing! reader

‘ ♪ shawty’s like a melody in my head, that i can’t keep out, got me singin’ like ♪ ‘

You groaned, lifting your head off your essay which you fell asleep on while writing and rubbed your eyes, confused and disorientated. Not at the fact you had fallen asleep while studying - that was a fairly normal occurrence - but as to where that music was coming from?

Surely, your neighbours hadn’t started a party at midnight - the time which you had caught a glimpse of on the My Melody clock sitting on your desk - especially because both of your neighbours were old couples but hey, you were in no position to judge their music choice.

Like any reasonable human-being, you got up from your desk and lolloped over to your bedroom window, where the music seemed to be blaring from. Once you reached the window, you opened the lock then proceed to push it open which required a lot more strength than you’d like to admit, but figured that you’d blame it on the fact you’re tired.

You craned your neck out of the window to hiss as the chilly air suddenly nipped at your skin, then scanned the surroundings for a source of the music but there didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary: no lasers, no rave lights, no crowds of people and not a speaker in sight.

Sighing, you were just about to call it quits; blame the noises on sleep deprivation hallucinations and go to bed - until you heard a familiar voice call out to you from your back garden.

“(Y/N)! Down here!” The voice yelled, lowering the volume of the music momentarily to guarantee that you heard their shout.

You tossed your head back, letting out a fed-up groan as you instantly recognised who’s voice that was so when you squinted and through the darkness you saw the bi-haired boy - in his white pyjama set under his black puffer-jacket, with black trainers on - standing in your garden with a speaker on his shoulder, it only confirmed both of your suspicions; the first being that he was source of the obnoxious music that woke you up.

The second suspicion being that the voice belonged to none other than the boy who has been on your ass for the last few months - Yū Nishinoya.

“Oh my god.” You muttered, rubbing your temples, desperately trying to process the sight you had laid your eyes on - was he seriously blaring music outside your house right now? At midnight? “Nishinoy--”

“What?!” The boys screamed, cupping his ear to show that he was struggling to hear you due to the distance between you both but mostly because of the loud music which was blasting in his other ear and throughout most of the neighbourhood.

“Turn the fucking music down!” You shrieked, something about the ear-splitting volume of the music causing your blood to boil.

Nishinoya chuckled, complying with your request and in fact turning the speaker off all together, “As you wish, m’lady.” He joked, setting his speaker down on the bit of concrete just by the back door of your house, “Is it alright if I just leave this here for now?”

You quirked an eyebrow at his question, was he not going to explain to you what he was doing or were you just supposed to play it off as normal? “Sure.” You replied as if you were asking him a question.

“Anyway,” You started, clearing your throat and attempting to regain your composure now that the music was gone. “What is the meaning of this, Nishinoya?” You inquired, resting your chin on your elbow which was perched on the windowsill. Relaxing as - knowing Nishinoya - this interaction was going to be far from brief.

“I told you to call me Yū.” He complained, jogging back to the spot in your garden he was standing in prior to placing his speaker down, as from there he got an excellent view of your gorgeous moonlit face. “I’m here to make you an offer.”

You let out another exasperated sigh as it was one of the only reactions you had enough energy to give. If it was anybody else, you would’ve just told ‘em to fuck off and went to bed but it was Nishinoya and something you’ve learned after months of dealing with his antics and endless advances, is that it is easier to listen to him than get him to leave you alone. “What’s your offer, Yū? Also, be quick about it.”

“Okay,” He began with a wide grin, chuffed to see that you’re actually conversing with him for a change, instead of just ignoring his whole existence. “I know you said that you’d never go out with me but I’m here to change your mind--”

His offer was interrupted by your murmur of disapproval from above, but he brushed it off with a chuckle and continued explaining his plan to make you fall in love with him.

“Just an hour; that’s all I need! I won’t waste your time! And I chose tonight because it’s not a school night, I know how much you hate staying up late when you have school the next day!”

A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips at the naïve boy’s reasonings -which you attempted to hide with your sleeve, you didn’t want him to think that you were the slightest bit charmed by his proposal. “Yū.” You mumbled, looking down at him with eyes filled with empathy. “I- I don’t know--”

It was clear that Noya’s offer wasn’t especially tempting yet, so he had no choice but to pull out the big guns. “If you come with me tonight, I’ll never annoy you ever again, on god!”

You blinked a few times at what he just said - it seemed too good to be true. This drastically increased your chances of accepting his proposition but you still needed to be filled in with some information, “What are we going to do?”

Noya beamed, his pearly whites almost blinding you, “That’s a surprise!”

You rolled your eyes, mentally comparing the pros and cons of accepting his offer; the main pro being the fact he promised to leave you alone afterwards and Noya wasn’t one to purposefully break a promise.

The fatigue weighing on your mind wasn’t helping you conclude your decision either, hence resulting in you taking around a minute to think about it and once you eventually snapped out of your unrelated thoughts, you just blurted out the answer which had apparently been waiting on the tip of your tongue the whole time.

“Uh- fine.” You uttered, your reply causing Noya to pump his fist into the air with a bright smile on his face, “Yes!” He let out a celebratory cry, along with a little happy dance which made your heart flutter - not that you’d ever admit it though.

“Alright.” You giggled, playfully scoffing at his actions as you hastily went to close your window, “I’ll be out in a moment--”

“Wait, (Y/N)!”

You immediately halted in your tracks, “Yes?” You quirked an eyebrow at his sudden interjection, yet you were hardly surprised as random outbursts were far from uncommon for him.

“Make sure to wear shoes that are easy to run in.” He said, devilry laced in his voice as he tried his best - but failed - to resist a mischievous smile forming on his lips.

His comment was a tad suspicious but you thought nothing of it since it was coming from Noya - he probably just wanted to play tag or something. Locking the window, you swiftly turned on your heels, grabbed your coat and rushed to your backyard.

Nishinoya probably chose the best day for his shenanigans as your parents were both abroad for a business trip and - since they had no reason not to - they trusted you to be left home alone, meaning that it’s not like you’d have to sneak by them on your way out or anything.

As you approached you back door, you realised that you had very limited choices when it came to shoes; that is, if you wanted to leave quickly. Lying by the back door were you school shoes, your gym shoes and a pair of flip flops; the favourable option was obvious.

You slid on your gym shoes while internally scolding yourself for falling asleep in your tight, uncomfortable school clothes then you proceeded to jingle your keys around in the lock until you were able to slip outside and glance at Noya, who had taken a seat on the paving next to the door.

Once he noticed your arrival, he hopped to his feet and that was when you noticed the bag - which was almost the same size as him - slung over his shoulders. “Hey, what’s the bag for?” You inquired, momentarily averting your gaze from it onto him as you noticed he had his arms wide open for a hug.

Perhaps it was the sleepless euphoria, or maybe it had something to do with the dreamy ambience held by the dark lunar night; but either way, it convinced you to do something you would never even consider doing in any other situation. You leaned in and snaked your arms around Noya’s chest, allowing him to hold you in his embrace for a solid 5 seconds - the best 5 seconds of his life.

Although you hated yourself for feeling this; something about the way the outline of his muscles flexed against your back and the tingling sensation of his warm breath against the soft skin of your neck caused an unfamiliar emotion - perhaps slight arousal but mostly admiration - to shoot through your body.

Feeling something so foreign made you immensely uncomfortable so jerked away from the hug before your brain had any time to process it.

After you pulled away, it took a moment for the overwhelming bliss Noya felt to subside - and you could tell by his starry-eyes - but once it did, he gave you a somewhat straight answer to question you asked prior to the embrace. “Oh, the bag? It’s got all the the things we need for tonight in it: snacks, money, my Switch, a blanket, a ball, a first aid kit, a fake ID and just a few other things.”

You snickered, hardly able to imagine what those ‘few other things’ were but knowing Noya, he was sure to surprise you; that’s one of the things you loved about him.

However, you knew that if you ended up falling for him, it’d completely ruin your grades. If you were with Noya you’d probably end up going out on these little adventures every single night and although you weren’t opposed to the concept, in reality you needed to study as you were quite ambitious and the university you aspired to get into required nothing less than perfection in terms of GPA.

So, it’s not like you didn’t have any romantic interest in Nishinoya - in fact, you’ve kinda had a crush on him since the beginning of the school year - it’s just that you knew it would be in both of your best interests if you remained friends. You’ve tried to explain that to Noya several times but he simply didn’t understand and he didn’t try to either, which is what irked you. Thus, you stopped your feeble attempts to reject him in a kind manner and moved on to just blocking him out entirely.

However, a new problem was afoot. Both you and Noya were coming into this ‘date’ with completely opposing incentives; he wanted to make you fall for him and you had to do everything in your power to suppress your feelings for him but if he continues being so damn sweet, that’s gonna make things a whole lot trickier for you.

“Alright.” Noya chirped with his signature daring smile, “Let’s go! Follow me.” He instructed, grabbing your hand and intertwining his fingers with yours before guiding you to the front gate of your house. Upon noticing how the gate was hanging wide open, you realised that your stupid-ass forgot to lock it, meaning that anybody could’ve waltzed right in. Noya seriously chose the best day to pull this little stunt.

Your breath hitched slightly as he kept his cold fingers in with yours but you didn’t protest as this would be a great starting point in convincing yourself that you weren’t in love with Noya; his strong, possessive grip definitely did not make you blush and the way he caressed his thumb gently against the back of your hand resulted in mighty rage bubbling in your stomach - not butterflies - rage!

The pair slipped passed the gate and he paused in his tracks, momentarily releasing his grip on your hand to allow you to lock the gate behind you. But as soon as you finished, he immediately took your hand back with his own and began swinging it back and forth as he led you to an unknown destination.

You giggled at his childish - yet cute - action but the fun was short-lived as your blood ran cold as the romantic aura which was blinding you at first finally lifted, hence the reality of the situation hit you like a truck; Noya was taking you a location which he refused to disclose, he carried a large bag which could easily fit a body inside, he had taken you out alone in the dead of night, he had a powerful grip on your hand so you couldn’t run away and worst of all, because you were in a rush to leave, you forgot to bring your phone.

Of course, a large part of you doubted that Nishinoya - Karasuno’s guardian deity and #1 simp - had murderous intentions behind his actions, it was surely just all one big coincidence. However, it’d put you at ease if you mentioned it, “Yū, um, I kinda forgot my phone at home.”

Noya sensed the anxiety in your voice and in all honesty, he couldn’t blame you. He was aware that what he was doing was suspicious - to say the least - and he wanted to give you more clarity on what he was happening but he thought it’d be more engaging if he built up some suspense. “Oh, um, I mean, if you want, we can turn back so you can grab it but I also brought my phone, you can have mine if it’d make you less worried.”

You tensed your whole body at his suggestion, ‘don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall!’ you internally commanded yourself before shifting your attention onto your options. It’d certainly calm your nerves to have access to any mobile device you could use to call for help, but there were a few holes in his plan, “Well, that’d be nice..but what if I lose you and you need to phone someone?”

Nishinoya simply rolled his eyes as a cocky chuckle erupted from his throat, “As if! Why would I ever need to do that?”

“In so many situations: you could have a heart attack, injure yourself, set something on fire, throw-up, get possessed, be struck by lightening, fall in a river, get jumped--”

“That’s silly.” Noya scoffed, ignoring the fact you suggested he could be struck by lightening despite the fact that there was not a cloud in sight, instead he chose to focus on how you insinuated that someone could possibly assault him. “I could be jumped? Ha! In your dreams! If someone shady comes up to me - or you - I’ll give ‘em one of these-” Nishinoya jumped into an offensive stance and aggressively uppercutted the air, “And one of these too!” He followed up with a swift roundhouse kick before planting both of his feet on the ground and looking at you with sincere eyes, “Trust me, (Y/N). I won’t let any creeps lay a finger on either of us tonight - or ever.”

You couldn’t help but smile at how eager he was to protect you; it made your heart flutter more than you’d like to admit. Also, upon seeing how keen Noya was to fight - plus, remembering that you had taken those 5 years of karate lessons for a reason - put your mind at ease slightly.

Still, you were tempted to accept all the safety you could get your hands on. “That’s sweet, Yū. But if it isn’t an issue, could I keep your phone in my jacket pocket?”

Noya unzipped his jacket so he could reach into the pockets of his pyjama bottoms to grab his phone and once he did, he presented it to you, “If it’ll make you feel less tense, then take it.” He single-handedly zipped his jacket back up while shooting you a kind grin which caused your body to do the thing again.

Your expression softened as your gaze met his and in that moment, everything felt right; you weren’t stressing over exams, you weren’t thinking about your chores, you weren’t fretting over your friend group drama, all you worries seemed to just dissolve away into the background - in that moment, it was just you and Nishinoya, appreciating each others company on a empty country road.

But perhaps you appreciated his company for a bit too long as he snapped you out of your trance by teasing you, “Oh, you’re falling for me already?~ We haven’t even arrived at the surprise yet.”

You blinked rapidly, instantly scowling and rolling your eyes at his silly comment - which you knew deep-down was true but let’s conceal those feelings for a bit longer. “Uh, no. I just zoned-out thinking about..how stupid you look in those pyjamas.”

Nishinoya gasped in an exaggerated manner before sticking his bottom lip out to form a pout, “I didn’t have time to change.” He dropped the first excuse that came to his mind before glancing at the phone which was still waiting patiently on the palm of his hand. “Are you gonna take it or?”

You nodded, carefully picking up his phone and sliding it into your jacket pocket, “Thank you, Yū.” You muttered, tucking it in as deep as you could to secure it so it wouldn’t fall out. “I had no idea you were into Pokémon--” You said in reference to his lockscreen which lit up when your finger accidently grazed the power button. If you were ignorant enough, you probably could’ve mistaken his background for just a bunch of words written in a red font but in reality, those words were connected in such a way that they formed the outline of a Charmander.

Noya’s eyes widened at your comment, ‘Shit, I forgot to change my background- she probably thinks I am a nerd like Tsukishima now or something-’ he mentally rebuked himself, desperately scanning his surroundings to find a topic he could just blurt out to pretend as if he didn’t hear your comment.

Fortunately for him, the ‘portal’ to the desired destination finally came into vision, so he hurriedly grabbed your hand again and bolted towards - what looked like to you - the entrance of the Forrest. “C’mon, (Y/N)! I can’t wait for you to see where we’re going!”

You laughed at how obviously he tried to dismiss your comment and change the subject, but you excused that part for now and focussed all your attention on trying to match Noya’s pace without letting your school skirt fly up in the wind.

So you continued to sprint up to the entrance of the Forrest with Noya but as soon as you passed the first tree, you paused to catch your breath and squeezed Noya’s hand, communicating that he should stop too. “Wait, Yū.” You panted, taking a moment to admire the new scenery you had been introduced to. “You’re too fast.”

You hummed, tossing your head back to inspect your surroundings; which was predominantly Cryptomeria japonica trees that stretched up to meet the sky, creating a mystical yet mysterious atmosphere. There was also the distant song of flowing water which rang throughout the Forrest, and that was seemingly the only thing to be heard - besides you and Noya’s puffs - as the Forrest was known for lacking Fauna.

Although you have lived near this Forrest your entire life, not only did you not know the name and opted to call it ‘the Forrest’ whenever you spoke of it - which wasn’t often - you also had never stepped foot in it before today..with Nishinoya.

He was always pushing you out of your comfort zone, persuading you to try new things; most of which, you would never even consider doing if he wasn’t in your presence: like the time he convinced you to go on every ride at the amusement park with him and you actually kinda had fun, or the time when he insisted that you play MineCraft Bed Wars with him despite the fact you had made it clear that you hated most server games..but now you play Bed Wars every chance you get.

Nishinoya could say the same about you though; you were constantly pushing him to be the best version of himself that he possibly could. For example, there was when he texted you saying that he was going to skip school so he asked for you to cover him but instead, you induced him to come in by telling him that his future self will thank him for having the best attendance possible.

Before you had a moment to collect your thoughts, Noya took your hand again and guided you through the Forrest, the sound of rushing water getting louder as y’all went along. “Yū, this place is so pretty.” You mumbled, the chilly air lacing through your hair elegantly as you were dragged through the Forrest by Noya.

“You haven’t even seen the place we’re going to have our date yet!” He exclaimed, his lips curling into a smile as you didn’t object against his use of the word ‘date’ like you normally would.

Suddenly, he came to halt and once you caught up with him, you took a moment to study the smug expression painted on his face before following his gaze only to realise that y’all had finally arrived at his desired ‘date’ destination.

You studied the setting he had brought you to and to say you were pleasantly surprised was an understatement.

There was long, lush green grass growing on the outskirts of a clear crystal pond which was being poured into by many miniature ‘waterfalls’ that were just water squirting out from in between the rocks decorating the far edge of the pond. Along with that, there were cute little flowers adorning the sides of the pink, checkered picnic blanket which Noya had kindly laid out beforehand.

“Noya- it’s- this place-” You choked, absolutely lost for words at the beauty and magic that this place emitted.

The adorable look of awe in your eyes was enough to make Noya fall for you even more, “Do you like it?” He inquired sincerely, taking off the mask of pride he wore to impress you to get your genuine reaction.

“It’s stunning, you- how did you even find this place?” You eventually managed to blurt out, turning to look at him with a gleeful grin which set his heart ablaze.

Noya shrugged, thinking back to the first time he stumbled across this serene setting and how - upon laying eyes on the bewitching sight - his immediate thought was of you. “I guess, I just followed the noise of running water.” He spoke, as if asking you the question while tapping his jaw with his index finger.

Then, before you got a chance to take a seat for yourself, Noya pulled the moves on you which he had practising with a volleyball since he first found this place; he took your hand by tucking his index and middle finger under yours so he had access to your knuckles, then he bent over to plant a long, tender kiss on it.

That action on it’s own was enough set the tips of your ears on fire but when he looked up from the kiss so his enchanting brown eyes met your wide (e/c) ones, you felt ‘the thing’ again and shuddered yet somehow unable to bring yourself to yanking your hand away. “Yū..” was all you could choke out in a breathy voice.

He didn’t reply, instead he led you over to the blanket he had set out on the ground by the pond, sat down and let go of your hand so you could take a seat beside him.

You went along with him, mindlessly dropping down by his right side but all while keeping your eyes glued to the breath-taking sight of the pond water glistening under the moonlight which penetrated through the slats in the canopy. Appreciating the environment as you were well aware that it’d be a while before you were taken some place so beautiful again.

Noya couldn’t help but chuckle at how fixated you were on the scenery, taking this opportunity to drop the line he had been refining for many weeks prior. “You’re acting as if you’ve never seen something as magnificent before - I mean, you’ve looked in a mirror, haven’t you?” He asked, a cocksure smirk tugging at the corner of his lip as he thought he delivered that line rather smoothly.

Meanwhile, you playfully rolled your eyes, cringing slightly at how poor Noya’s acting skills were; he made it dead obvious from his clearly google searched ‘synonyms for beautiful’ use of ‘magnificent’ to the fact you just knew that there was no way he’d be able to come up with something so suave on the spot. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that he had rehearsed that line many times preparatory for today but something about the thought that Noya cared enough about you to go through the effort of practising lines made your knees weak for some..unknown reason.

“Anyway,” Noya broke the deafening silence between the two of you by sliding off his bag, pulling it up to his left and rummaging through it in search of something. “I brought snacks and drinks for us.”

“Oh, you’re too kind.” This piqued your curiosity as you sat up straight to try catch a peek inside of his bag to see what other stuff he had in there, along with what he could’ve possibly brought as a ‘snack’.

Noya whipped his head back around to face you as he slammed two cans of Monster Energy onto the few millimetres of space on the blanket between your thigh and his, “Mango Loco for me and a Pipeline Punch for you!” He exclaimed with a foolish grin on his face which just got wider as he noticed a sweet smile gracing your features as your gaze dropped to the cans.

“How did you know Pipeline Punch is my favourite? Or was it just a guess?”

Noya snickered as you asked the question which he was praying for you to utter so he could give his ‘nonchalant’ response, “Oh, I just remembered the time at the arcade when we found a Monster vending machine and you chose Pipeline Punch - no biggie.”

You chuckled, internally ecstatic that he would remember such a trivial detail about you but externally you were ecstatic to chug down some well-deserved Monster. You opened your can and promptly poured it down the hatch - bottoms up - taking a few audible gulps before letting out a faint ‘ah’ as the can parted from your lips.

“That hits the fuckin’ spot.” You mused, staring blankly into the void as you felt any fatigue or sleepiness that might’ve been lingering inside your body slowly melt away, being replaced by passionate urge to..make out with someone. Shit.

Noya guffawed at your visible enthusiasm for the beverage, which reminded him to open up his own. Gulping down the sweet taste in unison with you before sitting the can back down by his side, “I think that’s my third can today.” He said indifferently, as he turned to his bag and began hunting through it again.

Your immediate response was to gasp and luckily you didn’t have any liquid in your mouth at that moment or else it would’ve came spewing out, “Third?! Yū, that’s too much! I think this is my third can this year. You’ve seriously got issues, man.”

Noya nodded in agreement with your last statement as he tried desperately to stifle a chuckle, “I know.” He replied, then threw a bag of Doritos over his shoulder for it to land perfectly in your lap. “And here are the snacks.”

You smiled, glancing down at the bag of chips sitting in your lap before shifting your gaze onto Noya, expecting him to turn around with a second bag of chips in his possession but instead, he was empty-handed. You quirked an eyebrow at this, knowing that Noya wasn’t the sort to give food to others without leaving some for himself, “Yū, where is your snack?”

Noya opened his mouth, clearly about to give you a serious answer until inspiration stuck him like lightening - he just had to say it. “Sitting right next to me, why?”

You couldn’t help but titter at his stupid little joke; still, you were able to read him like a book despite not receiving a straight answer, “I’m guessing you want to share this bag then?”

“Well, yeah, it’s party-sized so I’d be surprised if you were able to finish it on your own.”

“Is that a challenge?” You inquired, popping open the bag and twitching your nose slightly as all the ‘flavour dust’ effused from the bag sprinkled across your face, leading to you having to wipe it off with your jacket sleeve.

“No, I’m starving!” He cried as he aggressively stuck his whole arm into the bag to grab a fist-full of Doritos, pull it out and shove most of it into his mouth like the glutton he is.

You scoffed, tossing the bag onto his lap as there was no way you were going to eat a single chip from that bag after he put his grimy, unsanitized hands in there, “Did you even wipe your hands before eating?- god knows where they’ve been!”

Noya shrugged, choosing to ignore your grimace and continue indulging himself in his bag of Chilli Heatwave Doritos which he now had all to himself. “Haters gonna hate.” He mumbled to himself through a mouthful or chips, causing little pieces to go flying everywhere.

“Haters gonna care about your health and wellbeing!” You snapped back, attempting to say that in all seriousness but a playful smile kept creeping back onto your features.

Although there was an effort made to hide it, his whole body tingled when you said that you cared. The fact that you’d admit to something like that was - in Noya’s mind - proof that you were starting to catch feelings for him.

He couldn’t be too confident in his hypothesis just yet but he needed answers right away as your endearing little actions caused him to grow more impatient by the second; how you said you cared for him, the way you gazed blankly at the moon or the stare filled with longing that you both shared on the way here - all of those factors snowballed into a feeling which was brimming inside Nishinoya this whole time and now, he finally bursts.

He tossed the bag aside, swiping his hands against each other to remove all the ‘flavour dust’ and once he did so, he grabbed both of your shoulders and adjusted his whole body to face you, exchanging a yearning gaze similar to the one you both exchanged before arriving at the Forrest.

You instantly flushed red like anybody would do in your situation - I mean, his face was only inches away from yours, close enough for you to feel his light exhales tickle the skin of your lips and as much as you wanted to look down, for some reason you couldn’t pry your eyes off of his. There wasn’t a word spoken between the two of you for a solid minute but the fierce look in his eyes did all the talking for him, he undoubtedly wanted to tell you something important.

Nishinoya mentally scolded himself for being so impulsive, he pulled you in before he had even mustered up the courage to say anything so now you were both intensely staring into each other’s eyes as you waited for Noya to find the right words.

“(Y/N)-” he spluttered at last, “I obviously really really like you. And I know the night isn’t even close to over yet but I just gotta know, do I even have a chance? Is there literally anything I can do to win your heart? Or am I just fighting a losing battle?”

You internally sighed of relief, glad that it was just about his feelings rather than your sneaking suspicion that his forceful grabbing was the first step in his plan to - quite literally - take you out. “Yū..I can’t-” You were about to explain your answer until you froze mid-sentence, realising that you didn’t even know the answer to the question yourself.

“I’m- I’m not sure. I’m sorry.” You murmured, averting your eyes from him and lowering them to the blanket beneath y’all. In all honesty, you were ashamed to have such little control or knowledge over your emotions - you usually don’t let your feelings run wild like this but something about just looking at Nishinoya evoked something special inside you.

“I don’t even know what to say- I guess, I’m just mortified thinking about the way I’ve treated you up until today. And how I can’t even give you an answer to the simplest of questions, an apology doesn’t even cover half of it.” You gushed, feeling something horrible weigh down on your chest and you didn’t need a therapist to figure out that it was guilt. Next thing you new, tears were streaming down your cheeks but you paid no mind to them in hopes Noya wouldn’t even notice.

However, he noticed, of course he did. The faint sobs didn’t even need to reach his ear for him to be able to sense you sadness, thus slipping his arms around your waist and pulling you in so the side of your head rested against his heart while he kept you secure with one hand on the small of your back and the other cradling your head. “Don’t cry..” He whispered, not sure how exactly to comfort people in these situations but aiming to do his best anyway.

“I don’t think it even matters if I like you or not; you deserve someone a lot nicer than me - and someone who shares more of your interests and ambitions so y’all can skip class together and whatnot.” You butchered the last part of your excuse but so be it, he’d get the memo either way.

Nishinoya chuckled which - in the moment - seemed inappropriate but after he flopped backwards - taking you down with him - you understood why he was laughing and you’d be lying if you said a faint one didn’t escape your lips too as he fixed his position so he was laying down with your head still against his chest. “You’re silly, (Y/N). Have I ever told you why I fuss over you so much rather than any other person?”

You paused, your breath hitching slightly, “No, you haven’t, actually.” Surely that was something you’ve learned by now after the many times you’ve asked him to go simp for someone else but no; every time you tell him to do that, his response is always the same, ‘If their name isn’t (Y/N) (L/N) then I’m not gonna fuck with them.’. At the time, you thought it was a great misfortune that there wasn’t any other (Y/N) (L/N)s at you school but now that you are laying in Noya’s arms in the crisp winter air, you consider yourself lucky.

“Well,” Noya started as he usually does when he is about to go on rambling about something, “I think we are soulmates, to be honest. I mean, two incredibly attractive people, both with immaculate music tastes - it’s basically written in the stars that we should be together. Also, we are kinda like ‘opposites attract’, y’know? Like, I am the sexy rascal and you’re the sexy librarian - I help you live your life and you help me with algebra.” He wasn’t really sure where he was going with that comparison so he just decided to leave it there, “Basically what I’m trying to say is I really like you because you are you and I am me, y’know?”

There was just something about his chatter that you found so inexplicably captivating, so you allowed a small giggle to pass your lips at his final comment. “Yū..” You cooed, feeling your eyes drift shut under the warmth and comfort of his body pressed against yours. “The only reason I didn’t want to go out with you is that I was afraid I’d mess up my GPA. But genuinely, it’s hard to give a single fuck about my grades now; you just make me so happy, Nishinoya. I can’t even begin to describe how amazing I feel tonight, especially since I’ve kinda been studying non-stop for a week or two.”

Noya’s heart skipped a beat as he waited in anticipation for you to continue, eliciting him to prod you a bit, “So..does that mean..?”

You felt the world fade away around you - right now it was just you and Nishinoya, enjoying each others company and keep one another cozy. “Yes, Yū. I’ve officially fallen for you. Will you be my boyfriend?”

Nishinoya was simply unable to contain his rejoice and excitement so he temporarily lifted his hand from your back to pump it into the air in celebration, “Yes!” He cheered, a toothy smile plastered onto his face which didn’t seem to diminish any time soon. “Of course I’ll be your boyfriend!”

He tensed, his eyes darting around to find something to express his joy onto until he recognised that the perfect opportunity was laying right on his chest. Hence, he lifted your chin with his index finger so you were gazing at him with your sweet, tired eyes and then he leaned in to plant an adoring kiss on your forehead.

“I promise to treat you better than anyone else ever could!” He beamed, entitling that as his final comment as it was clear that you just want to fall asleep peacefully in his arms - which was odd considering you had a few sips of Monster Energy but he wasn’t opposed either way.

After all, now that you were his, he could spend as much time with you as he desired so there was no rush.

#nishinoya #nishinoya yuu #yu nishinoya #nishinoya x reader #nishinoya x you #haikyuu nishinoya #nishinoya hcs #nishinoya oneshot #nishinoya fluff #yū nishinoya #nishinoya angst #nishinoya scenarios #hq imagines #hq nishinoya

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vinylhazza · 3 years

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ok so we all know that gray rushes/is eager about his relationships, but this time, what if the reader asks him to slow down or something? like she’s just getting started with her degree and she wants to slow down a bit, not rush into things, and eth agrees and gray is finally happy? also sorry if u aren’t taking concepts or requests lol

i feel like...low key....he needs this irl lol

this man doesn’t even have the phrase slow down in his vocabulary so when you say those words, the look of confusion that crossed over his face was to be expected. you knew you would have to spell it out for him, at least slightly. he gets in over his head with every relationship and wonders why they somehow fall apart so soon. some girls fall into that spell: the attractive guy wants me so it must be something real and true and they fall before they ever really form a strong bond, sliding to third base a time or two and tricking themselves into thinking it’s deeper than surface level lust.

but you, you are not the ‘kick it into high gear’ type of gal and you thought you made that pretty obvious from the start. grayson gets attached easily, we all know that. you take your days one at a time, scope out the pros and cons of every situation. and you know, yeah it might be a trauma response from the countless times people have fucked you over and made you out to be a fool from a very young age, but that same mindset has helped you dodge many bullets over the years.

his first initial infatuation—it’s no different with you, but you are how do you say—hyper aware of his intentions and motives. you’ve been screwed over, toyed with, used your fair share of times and the world be damned to hell if some buff fluffy brown haired boy with amber eyes and a smile that oozes light and happiness comes in treating you like you’re this...lost treasure and you just believe him. believe all of the pretty words, take his hand and follow him into the dark, blindly let yourself love someone again not be sure of what they expect out of the relationship. and damn you if you let him swoop in and carry you off like a princess from a tall tower. like he’s this knight in shining armor. you won’t be fooled by the cloud of attraction and get yourself in too deep before you’re completely on the same page with one another. and first things first; you aren’t someone that needs to be saved, and neither is he.

you understand the puppy love stage of relationships. it’s bound to happen: the subtle obsession with your partner, that new light fuzzy feeling you get thinking about them, thinking of what they might be doing when they’re not with you, if they are thinking about you too, listening to all the sappy love songs and suddenly all you can think about is the color of their eyes after they’ve laughed real hard, the dip in their brow when they are thinking for a long time, the electric feeling that zaps your skin when they touch you, the way their voice lowers two octaves when they lean over and whisper something sweet in your ear, it’s all there for grayson. you know you’re falling in deep, and maybe that’s what scares you. maybe it’s the way you are so willing to trust him early on that leads you to the conversation of slowing things down. for the protection of the both of you, it’s not one sided.

not only had grayson made you feel secure in the very beginning of the sudden relation you had started, but he kept consistent with his actions and words. something that was unusual and strange after dealing with men that never really grew up beyond 16. at the stage of your life you’re in, there isn’t any room for a childish game of tag with a boy who didn’t have any intentions of sticking around in the first place.

you worked hard for everything you had, you always have. your upbringing wasn’t one of sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. you didn’t have it easy. it wasn’t something that you used to weazle your way out of situations, excuse your occasional bad behavior, but it was something you thought about when you did catch glimpse of your growing attraction to someone. especially grayson, who was...one of the nicest men you had ever met. charming really didn’t even cut it. but just starting on your degree...complicated things. made you really want to reiterate to him that your degree, it was important to you and you fought tooth and nail to be able to even touch a college textbook. you couldn’t be blinded by his charms and be distracted from your dreams. there were times where the world seemed dark and hopeless and with hard work and perseverance you climbed out of that hole, just to stand as the strong intelligent woman he was falling head over heels for. you didn’t get that way over night. and you sure as well weren’t going to screw up your studies because you found someone that maybe wanted to stay, maybe didn’t. if the two of you were to work out and keep developing that beautiful bond - you hoped it would be as a team, one with understanding and clarity.

in your past experience, once a man knows he’s got you hooked, that’s the green light to treat you how they’ve wanted to the entire time. their once soft caress turns possessive, trust turns to assumption and blame, dates grow less and less frequent, and are left to sit and wonder what you ever saw in the first place. tricked, manipulated, and heartbroken. it’s never been honesty, love, and acceptance first. it’s “i love you” and “i care” when their actions don’t support their claims. you promised that the next boy you catches your heartstrings and strums until you’ve fallen under their spell, you would know exactly what you’re falling for. that means taking it slow, knowing what makes grayson tick, what he hates, what he adores, what brings him peace and comfort, if he cries during chick flicks, what kind of person he wants to be remembered as, if he fears the unknown as much as you do, was makes him completely and totally happy, and what infuriates him the fastest of all, what hardships has he had to face alone, what haunts his mind in the dead of night where no one can hear him crying, and what thought makes him smile when he’s doing nothing in particular. for once, just this once, you’re heart longed to know more that what meets the eye. you wanted to know if your feelings were 3 demensional, encompassing the good and bad about grayson, or if you truly just loved the way he fucked you.

but most importantly, you wanted him to know you. know the things about you that most people didn’t have the pleasure of knowing, all while making your dreams come true.

you thought maybe it was a mistake reaching out to ethan in your time of dire need of a shoulder to lean on, but it ended up being just the conversation and pat on the back you needed. the right nudge from the right person to have you sitting down with the softest soul you’ve come to find. grayson wasn’t someone you wanted to hurt, and ethan reassuring you that by talking to him and making him slow down, it would save him from more heartache than anything.

“i think it’s going to mellow him out, actually,” ethan nods along with your words, picking at a stray strand on his pants.

he wants what’s best for his twin, which is the exact reason you wanted to have this conversation with him. you didn’t want to mess something up and be rash and childish before anything real really even started, “grayson doesn’t really do ‘slow’, so this will be good for him.”

“i just don’t want to hurt him you know? i don’t want to be another girl that leaves so suddenly when he gets a bit too much. i know those are special circumstances and he was desperate with the desire of finding that special connection...” a pause to catch your breath, nervous from the vulnerability you’re showing already, “but when i make a commitment, i keep it. i want him to know that. i just want him to be secure within his decision to want...whatever this is with me. i want to be able to know him enough that my feelings for him are justified. and vice versa...i don’t want him to think that because i want to slow down, means i want to stop.”

“he will understand more than you think. if there is one thing i know about him, it’s that he will bend over backwards to make something he wants work. if he really wants you like i know he does, he will slow it down and make sure that you are comfortable. sounds like he doesn’t have much choice.” and it’s nice hearing those words from someone you haven’t gotten the chance to grow all that close with yet. hell you’re not even that close with grayson yet. you’re in the beginning stages still, learning your way around life with him in it. independence has always been one of the things that made you, well, you - and Grayson must understand you need more time before moving forward.

“really?” your heavy sigh shows your nerves are shot from worrying about not just school, but about the many different outcomes of the talk you need to have with Grayson. it has to happen, but you’ve never been one for confrontation even if it’s ensuring a positive outcome for both parties.

another shrug with a kind smile from ethan warms your heart, “just talk to him. he’ll appreciate your honesty. most of the other girls got wigged out and dipped, it’s going to mean so much more that you are wanting to stick it out even if it’s going too fast for you right now.”

growing up in a family full of huggers really shows when you step forward to wrap your arms around his waist for a split second, appreciative that he listened to understand and actually help you.

“thank you e, i hope he doesn’t just think i’m trying to make excuses and leave.”

when you pull away he is smiling still, pleasantly surprised by your friendly hug. with a light squeeze to your shoulder and a soft sort of smirk playing on his lips, he gives you just the advice you needed.

“something i’ve learned being his twin; give him a little more credit.”

when you have that conversation that had you so nervous your stomach tossed and turned all day long, you make sure you’re chanting ethans words over in your head. breathe. it’ll be fine. he will understand. give him a little more credit. he really wants you. the words play like a song through your head as you wait for him to sit back down on the white floral sheet in the softest patch of grass in your backyard. water spills from the glass in his hand as he plops onto the ground in a heap of giggles, muttering “fuck” softly, trying (and failing of course) to wipe the water off of his light blue button up shirt. it’s a good color on him, and you’re momentarily distracted from how attractive he looks in the late afternoon sun.

when you first met grayson, he had stumbled upon you sitting all by yourself in a small park, book in hand, peach in the other, completely unsuspecting that you would catch his heart captive when you glanced up with a smile that just about made him pass out. you were still surprised months later that he had had the nerve to say a word to you, he looked ill with anxiety to even utter a word. it was a day you’d never forget - and you would try and remember that innocent look in his eye when you explain why you had planned this picnic in the first place. to talk, to listen, to understand.

you figure if you really want to have the conversation be as smooth as it can be for the both of you, you could take it back to the very start. a simple picnic, with a lot of hope for the future.

after the laughter fit falls down, it’s time to get to the root of the issue. you prepare yourself with a deep breath in, holding in for a few seconds with your eyes closed, then slowly releasing when you look back at the questioning raise of his eyebrows. when he cocks his head to the side, you know it’s now or never. if you don't say it now, you might regret it.

“I actually brought you here so that we could have a talk real quick,” you finally explain, making sure to maintain eye contact and drink in ever facial expression he may have - just so you know how to go forward.

“you know you can talk to me about anything, is something wrong?” He’s so soft with the way he talks, never suspecting anything like what he’s about to hear, and it almost hurts to know you’ll be disappointing him in some way.

“nothing is really wrong...i just think maybe...we should slow it down for a bit.”

“what do you mean? we just got here,” he chuckles, taking a sip of his water with a shake of his head. not understanding, his fingers fiddle with the fringe at the bottom of your sundress.

you continue without stopping, ignoring his joke and hopefully make him see you aren’t here to fool around, at least not entirely. it was a serious talk for once and you wanted him to respect what you had to say.

“-not go so fast we miss the exciting part of getting to know one another,” you carry on to a now confused, sorrowful looking grayson, finally understanding that you weren’t talking so much about the picnic - but the two of you as a whole.

“i still want this—still want you i mean. but i just...want us to be us for a bit and not worry so much about the next step and then the one after that and the one after that and-”

he holds his hand up to stop you, cutting you off while looking at the ground deep in thought. setting the water down slowly, he climbs back up to his feet. you watch him patiently while he treads through the clipped grass, knowing he’s trying hard not to overreact and over think. After what feels like eternity, he sits down with his hands hanging off his knees, picking at a blade of grass he’s ripped from the earth beneath him.

“have i pushed you?”

sweet boy, always trying to take blame.

with a small smile you shake your head, “you haven’t pushed me at all gray. I just want this to grow - want us to grow. i don’t want you getting in too deep before you’re sure you’re ready for all of the things i’m looking for in the future and likewise.”

another nod of understanding, he was listening close. his respect for you grow tenfold, you had the courage to not let your lust or even affection cloud your judgement and you were honest with him. something that grayson admired most from anyone he let into his life was honesty.

“i’m not very good with slow but i’m sure you’re probably right,” he laughs more at himself than anything, “i just get carried away. especially with a woman like you. how couldn’t i?”

always the flirt. and a good one at that. he always knew exactly what to say to get you blushing, which is exactly why you hide your face bashfully in your shoulder for a few moments before you could look back at him admiring you.

“I hope you know that this is different though, Y/n. I can’t exactly explain how, but you should know i’ve never felt this way for anyone no matter how many times i’ve tried to convince myself otherwise in the past out of...fear, shame, even guilt. it’s different. and because of that difference, i know i can’t be selfish with you.”

for once you’re grateful for your mothers voice at the back of your head nudging you to let your heart be open, because without that voice, you would never be sitting in the grass with a man that truly does want to respect your boundaries and looks at you like you’re made of exquisite glass. you wouldn’t have memorized the soft texture of his lips as you lean in to kiss him, or the feeling of his hand cupping your cheek. you wouldn’t know the sound of his relived sigh, or the giggle that breaks the kiss only a few seconds later. and you wouldn’t have the clarity that you so desperately craved.

if there is one thing you knew for sure it’s that he is telling the truth. his truth shows with the delicate placement of his hands, the soft caress of his thumb on your cheek, his fingers running through your hair, and all the other ways he shows his adoration for you every day that you wish to hold on to forever. you know that the waiting and slow pace will be worth it in the end and the slow burn will turn into the blazing fire that you can already tell shines in his eyes. your hesitation has nothing to do with him but a past you would explain in due time.

for now, you’d continue kissing him on the sheet that smelt faintly of laundry detergent, in the backyard of your quaint apartment on 26th and Broadway, with his hand in your hair, lips pressed gently against yours, and a whole heart full of hope for a long future of days just like this.

#asks #gray!concepts #grayson!concepts #fluff #grayson fluff

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