#the psychiatrist said either you go willingly or a judge will order you to go

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Don’t You Dare Let Her Die

Dr. Lance Sweets x Reader

Words: 4550

Warnings: Torture, gore and feels

Part One: Promise

Summary: You’re an FBI agent working a case with Booth and the Squint Squad. Your boyfriend Lance starts to get nervous when the serial killer that you’re investigating leaves you a threatening note. You shrug it off as an attempt to scare you and continue the search, leading you straight into a trap.

Note: Again, Sweets is my favorite character from Bones so I absolutely love writing imagines for him. I’m sorry I haven’t done any of your guys’ requests. I’m not ignoring them, I just got so caught up in this story. I’ll be diving in as soon as I can. Also, holy crap this story is long. I hope that isn’t a bad thing😂.

You moved around the room with as little noise as possible, trying not to wake your sleeping boyfriend. The boards creaked under your feet and Lance stirred, but didn’t wake up. You left a note on your pillow telling him that you were heading out early to finish some paperwork about Isabella Buchanan, but you also planned to continue investigating for as long as Booth would allow. He didn’t need to worry about you more than he already was.

As you made your way down the stairs, your phone buzzed, Booth’s picture coming up on caller ID.

“Y/L/N.” You answered. You could hear Booth rummaging through papers on his desk. “Either you’re calling to say good morning or you found something.”

“We’ve got a name.” He replied, the excitement in his voice clear even through the phone. “Marty Keller. He was arrested four years ago on an assault charge, but the victim dropped the charges at the last second.”

“This is great Booth.” You exclaimed, looking through your purse to find your keys. You took a deep breath. “There’s something I need to tell you about this guy. He was in my apartment.”

“He what?” Booth shouted. You held the phone slightly away from your ear to adjust to the sudden change of his volume.

“He left a dead cat in my freezer. Sweets thinks that I might be his next target.” His excitement was replaced but complete rage.

“You need to get over here now.” He demanded. You got into your car. “This bastard could be anywhere.”

“I know, Booth. I’m on my-” Your words caught in your throat in the form of a scream as a pair of eyes stared at you through the rearview mirror. A gun jabbed into the back of your head.

“Y/N? What’s going on?” Booth yelled into the receiver. Marty tilted his head to the side, a completely calm expression on his face.

“Hang up.” He commanded and you pressed your thumb to the little red button, silencing Booth’s panicked shouts. “I have been waiting for us to finally meet, Agent Y/L/N.” He motioned for you to start the car, but you remained still.

“If you are going to kill me, you might as well do it now.” You hissed. You were not about to willingly let this man dissect you like a frog in science class. The barrel dug into your scalp. “Go ahead, shoot me. Get it over with.”

“But where is the fun in that?” He pouted. You still didn’t move. He sighed. “I guess we’ll just have to wait for Dr. Sweets to join us then.” You winced. Chances were that Lance was still fast asleep in his apartment. He would wake up, see your note and assume that you were at work, drinking coffee and sifting through paperwork.

You started the car.

Sweets opened the door to Booth’s office, surprised to see the agent’s distressed expression. Dr. Brennan stood next to him, an equally worried look on her face. Sweets’ brows furrowed.

“You wanted to see me?” He said and Booth’s eyes shot to him, remorse painted on his face. “What’s wrong? Did Y/N tell you about the cat? I think that the killer might be after her next and I wanted to make sure that she told you-”

“Sweets.” Booth cut him off. Whatever he was trying say, he couldn’t bring himself to. Brennan decided to tell him.

“We believe that Y/N has been taken.” Her voice was hard, but she was struggling to keep herself together. Sweets shook his head.

“No. That can’t be right, she was coming here this morning. She left a note. She was fine.”

“When I called her this morning,” Booth started, “She told me about the threat and… she screamed. Then the call ended abruptly.We found her car by the river. No one was inside.” Sweets fell back against the wall. Brennan put an hand on his arm to try and keep him standing.

“The most likely scenario is that Marty Keller found Y/N and took her to some abandoned building to torture and killer her.”

“Bones.” Booth hissed. Sweets had gone pale, his eyes welling with tears.

“We have to find her.” He whispered, barely loud enough for the two of them to hear.

“The likelihood of finding Miss Y/L/N before she dies is very small. Marty could have taken her anywhere. By the time we get to the correct location, the killer would have fled and we will be left with another crimes scene.” Sweets couldn’t help but take her words as cold, though in reality, Brennan was simply trying to disconnect herself from the situation to keep from becoming emotional like she often did.

“Don’t do that.” Sweets spat. “Don’t make everything about science or about statistics. Because we are going to find her. I am not going to sit by and let my girlfriend be butchered.” He turned to Booth with pleading eyes. “Don’t you dare let her die.” With that he stormed out of Booth’s office and retreated to his, trying to think of where Marty could have taken her.

Most likely, he had a car waiting at the river to transfer Y/N to his chosen location. Y/N left the apartment about two hours ago and the river was half an hour away from there. He was going to need Angela’s help making a digital map of possible places. Lance closed the door of his office, sliding down with his back against the wood. Burying his face in his hands, his unyielding tears fell into his palms.

This couldn’t be happening. Just three hours ago, you were asleep in his arms. Safe. Protected. And now you were strapped to a table somewhere. Alone. Scared. Possibly being tortured that very moment. He sat for a little while longer before crossing the room to his desk, searching for the notes he had written after listening to the CD and studying the crime scene photos.  

Knives arranged in straight, perfect order and everything in the room is also arranged symmetrically  indicating the killer may have had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder The killer removed the woman’s faces to possibly discard individual traits and focus on similarities. All victims have Y/C/H and are of the same race, age, and body type, indicating a plausible personal connection.

He examined his copy of the photos. Even though the thick straps covered parts of the wounds, it was still clear that the cuts were neat. But there was something odd about them. There were X’s on each of the wrists, but the pattern of lines across the bodies differed for each woman. That didn’t fit the killer’s OCD persona. As he took a closer look, the pattern began to look familiar. Before he could identify it though, his door opened. Angela stepped inside. He opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped him.

“Just come here.” She commanded, wrapping her arms around the young psychiatrist. At first he just stood there, unsure of how to respond. But as his emotions began to rise again, he returned the hug, resting his head on Angela’s shoulder. In his time working with the Jeffersonian and Agent Booth, they had all become like family to him. Angela was like the sister he never had. “I am so sorry Sweets.”

“I was just about to come see you.” He started, pulling away and showing her the pictures. “Do these lines look familiar to you?” She picked up one of the photos, her eyes narrowing as she looked at it.

“Puzzle pieces?” She suggested. Sweets pointed out the X’s on the wrists.

“I thought that at first, but look at the way the lines connect the marks on each wrist.” They both stared at the image until Angela gasped.

“Oh my god.” She grabbed a piece of paper and began to draw the lines. “Look at the way this line turns to the side, leading into this one. And how this one curves there.” Tracing his finger over the pattern, he began to recognize it.

“It’s a street.” He gasped. Angela nodded.

“This is a map.” She collected all of the photos with a clear shot of the wounds. “We just need to figure out what they lead to.”

The fluorescent light above you made the pounding in your head worse. As soon as you had reached the river, Marty stuck some kind of drug in you and now you were still slipping in and out of consciousness. Looking around the room, it was clear that you were in an old auto repair shop judging by the equipment on the workbenches and piles of tires. Marty was nowhere to be found.

“Help!” You screamed into the empty room. Your throat was dry and your voice was rough, barely able to get above a whisper. It was painful to speak, but you kept calling out anyway. You had to try. “Somebody! Help me!” The door on the far right side of the room opened.

“Good morning sleepy head!” Marty exclaimed, his tone venomously sweet. “I was just out getting some toys for today.” He pat the case he was carrying. You struggled against the restraints, but the straps holding you were too tight.  

“So what was it?” You challenged. You weren’t going to die without a fight, even it was a verbal battle. Marty cocked his head. “Did your parents not pay enough attention to you as a kid? Get bullied in highschool?” He laughed at your attempts to provoke him.

“You would do well to remember that your boyfriend is the shrink, not you, Agent Y/L/N.”

“Your wife leave you?” You prodded and this time, you got a reaction. With a dark glare, Marty walked around the table you were tied to and sat in the folding chair across from you. “Ah. She did. I bet she had an affair, didn’t she.” He clenched his fists.

“Shut up.” He warned. You shrugged your shoulders.

“Do you know what most guys do when their wives cheat on them? They find a good hooker. Not slice up innocent woman.” He lifted your head up by your hair, pressing a hunting knife to your throat.

“I said shut up!” You closed your eyes, preparing for the blade to pierce your skin. Marty took a deep breath and the knife slowly slid down your chest, slicing the buttons of your shirt. “I am going to enjoy this.” He pushed the fabric to the side, resting the blade against your stomach. “Nice and slow.” Your scream echoed through the room as he dug the blade into you.

“I’ve got it.” Angela exclaimed. The screen layered the lines of the wounds onto a map of D.C.’s streets. They both examined the first victim’s cuts. “This doesn’t make sense. I get that the first X is the where the victim was last seen, and the other X is where they were found. But this woman wasn’t found in a warehouse like the map indicates.” Sweets studied the image.

“But the second victim was.” He moved to the third picture. “Look, this one starts at the police station and ends at the parking garage, which is where Isabella Buchanan was found. They aren’t maps to their bodies, but to the victims that would follow them.”

“Why would he do that?” Angela wondered.

“Because he wants to be caught. He craves the attention that the arrest and trial would entail. Do you understand what this means? We can find her.” He took one good long look at Isabella’s body, pointing at the second X. “Where is that?” Angela zoomed in.

“Rob’s Auto Repairs.” He bolted for the door, but she called after him. “I’m coming with you.” He was about to protest, but they didn’t have time to argue.

“Call Booth. We found her.”

Everybody knew that your favorite holiday was Christmas. Even Dr. Brennan respected how much you loved the winter celebration. But no one knew the extent of your love than Lance. It was your first Christmas together and he had had no qualms with helping you decorate the day after Thanksgiving.

Now ,on Christmas Eve, you sat on your living room floor, gazing at the dazzling lights and bulbs on the tree, shiny wrapping paper on the presents underneath. Most of them came in pairs- one for you and one for Lance. You had been dating for nearly six months, which was the longest you had ever managed to keep a boyfriend, so your family was very enthusiastic about the relationship.

Two from your mother up in Maine, two from your younger brother Nathan, and four from your big sister Liz. She always tried to top everyone when it came to the holidays. And of course, one from each of you to each other. You had spent days shopping trying to figure out what to get Lance, and you eventually decided to appeal to his nerdy side with a set of Star Wars ties and a Darth Vader coffee mug.

“Do you want hot chocolate or apple cider?” Lance called from the kitchen. You shot him a look. “Right. Wine.” He grabbed two glasses from the cabinet and a bottle of your favorite red wine.  As he sat down next to you, he placed a kiss to your cheek, setting a glass in front of you.

“So we have the option of the Muppet Christmas Carol or It’s a Wonderful Life.” You proposed and he poured the wine into your glass.

“That’s quite the decision.” He hummed. “I’m going to have to go with It's a Wonderful Life.” You shuffled forward and placed the disk in the player. You leaned against him and he wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

“This is pretty great.” You sighed, turning your head to face him, being pulled into a kiss in the process.

“Yeah.” He grinned. “It is.”

Thinking about Lance was the only thing you could do to distract yourself from the pain as Marty carved away pieces of flesh from your arms and legs. Blood matted your hair and tears burned in your eyes, though you refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. A short strip of skin from your leg fell to the floor, another scream escaping your lips. For some merciful reason, Marty left the necklace you were wearing alone. Lance had given it to you for Christmas and you used it to focus on instead of the sickening sounds of the knife, it’s gold heart shaped metal glistening under the lights.

“Can you just imagine Agent Booth’s face when they find your body?” Marty smirked, smearing the blood from the knife on your cheek. “He’ll probably blame himself. Get all torn up about it like he always does. But I guess he’s partially to blame for not catching me sooner.” His finger ran under your jaw. “You look just like her.” You recognized the phrase from his previous tapes.   

“And you wonder why your wife left you.” You spat, but he ignored your jabs.

“Do you know what this reminds me of?” He gasped. “Miranda Scott!” Your eyes went wide. “I know all about your childhood trauma, Agent Y/L/N. I research my ladies before I pick them.” He turned to the small table containing his arson of blades, setting down his current one. Something flashed on the screen of his laptop.

“What was that?” The edges of your vision darkened and you felt light headed from bloodloss. The more time passed, the more life drained out of your wounds.

“No no no no no!” He rambled. “Not yet. This wasn’t supposed to happen yet. I wanted more time.” He grabbed the largest knife from the table and cut through the straps holding you down. “We are going to have to continue our lovely time together elsewhere.”  He latched onto your arms and pulled you to your feet. Your legs buckled and he dragged you towards the door, which swung open on it’s hinges.

“FBI!” Booth screamed. Marty held you tightly against him, pressing the sharp point of the knife to your side, digging just enough to draw blood. Booth’s gun was firmly pointed at the two of you. Another pair of brown eyes watched you with horror.

“Lance?” You croaked and he stepped forward, but Booth held him back.

“Stay behind me Sweets.”

“You’re crashing the party, Agent Booth.” Marty whined. “Y/N and I were having so much fun.”

“Let her go.” Lance boomed, though his voice was filled with terror. Marty shook his head, sliding a finger up your arm, licking off the blood.

“It’s over Marty.” Booth barked. Each sound ricochet through your head like a bullet as you stared down the barrel of Booth’s gun.

“It’s only over when she’s dead.” The knife dug further into your side, blood spurting onto the steel and dripping down to the concrete. You stood in a pool of red. Lance tensed.“Four woman for the four meaningless years I had her. If only she could see me now. See what she did to me. All of this is her fault!” There was a sharp pressure in your side and a gun shot. Both men rushed towards you. Marty fell to the ground behind you and you collapsed into Lance’s arms.

“You found me.” You breathed, reaching your weak hand to his face. He nodded, taking your hand in his and pressing his lips to your palm. Frantically, he tore off his jacket and pressed it to your side.

“We have to stop the bleeding!” He shouted at Booth.

“From where?” Your partner knelt down across from Sweets. “She has lost a lot Sweets.” He said something into his walkie-talkie about needed an ambulance with the coming back-up.

“Your suit.” You fretted at the deep stains covering the nice blue fabric. Lance pushed a hair out of your face.

“Shhh. It doesn’t matter. Everything’s going to be okay.” As an endless stream of tears rolled down his face, all you wanted was to make his pain go away. Your vision continued to darken. “Stay with me.” Lance begged. Couldn’t he see you were trying?

“Lance.I’m sorry.” You cried. He shook his head. “I should’ve listened to you.”

“That doesn’t matter now. You’re going to be okay.” He cast a desperate look to Booth, who was ripping off pieces of his shirt and wrapping around the deepest cuts.

“Stay with us, kid.” You had never seen Booth like this before. Over your time working together, he had become a big brother to you. Maybe he felt the same way. There was a sudden noise and his attention jerked to the door. “I told you to stay in the car, Ang!”

“I panicked okay! I couldn’t just stay there after hearing a gunshot.” Angela fired back. She looked down at you, her eyes glued to the knife protruding from your side. “Oh my god. Is she-”

“She’s going to be fine!” Sweets shouted. “Just apply pressure to the cut on her leg.” So she did, trying desperately to not freak out. Everyone was spitting orders at each other, all of the noise echoing through the small room.

“Hey Angela.” You coughed.

“I’m right here sweetie.” “Make up with Hodgins.” You watched the confused expression take over her features, but there was a small glint in her eyes when you said his name. “He still loves you.”  She opened and closed her mouth and focused on your leg to avoid eye contact. “And Booth.” You tried to turn your head to look at him, your head still resting in Lance’s lap.

“Take it easy kid.” His brown eyes burned directly into yours, filled with the same look of determination as when he went into hero-mode.

“Will you do me a favor?” You asked and he nodded. A smile crept onto your face. “Ask out Temperance. We’ve all been waiting for the two of you to get together for ages.” His jaw clenched, but you didn’t miss the corner of his lip slightly turn up.

You raised your arm as much as you could and rest your hand on Lance’s cheek, wiping away his tears with your thumb.

“You are the greatest person I have ever known.” A sob made it’s way into your throat, making it hard to speak. But your consciousness was slipping more and more. You had to tell him before it was too late. “Before I met you I had forgotten that there was still a little good left in the world. Thank you for reminding me that it is okay to feel. To laugh or to cry. Or to love.” Angela moved her hands to the knife in your side so that Lance could fully hold you, wrapping his arm underneath you and cradling your head in his hands.

“And I love you Lance. From the moment Booth sent me to your office, I fell in love with you. I never stopped and I never will.” With all of your remaining strength lifted yourself up for one final deep and passionate kiss before the image of his sweet brown eyes faded into black.

“Y/N…” Sweets gasped. “No no no, come one, stay with me.” Angela stifled a cry with her hand. “No!” Lance buried his face in your neck, rocking back and forth on the hard floor. Booth ran his hand over his face, his gut telling him that this wasn’t over.

“Wait.” He started, urging the younger man aside and laying two fingers on Y/N’s neck, searching for a pulse. His muscles tensed and he looked up. “Sweets…”

“One… Two… Three.” The flash nearly blinded you, but you could still see Lance grinning behind the camera.

“Is this absolutely necessary?” You groaned.

“Just one more I swear.” He laughed, snapping another picture of you standing in front of the Grand Prismatic Spring. Yellowstone had been your idea. You used to go camping here all the time when you were younger. That was before you moved to D.C.  

The two of you finished walking around the boardwalk and found the car, debating on where you wanted to go next. You suggested the canyon, but he was thinking about driving through Lamar valley.

“We could go try to spot those wolves you’re always talking about.” He pulled out of the chaotic parking lot, narrowly missing a group of motorcycles.

“We could always go back to the cabin.” You smirked. He gave you a side glance, contemplating the options.

“Tempting… and I’m not usually the one to turn down spending the day in bed, but there a lot of things to see here.” You pouted your lips and made doe eyes. “Come on, don’t do the face, that’s not fair!” He whined. You grinned, rolling your eyes.

“I do want to go see those wolves.” You did your best impression of a howl and he laughed, lacing his fingers through yours. It was nice to have finally gotten away from all the death and emotions of your jobs and just have a peacefully vacation together. If only it could've lasted forever.

It quite literally felt like you had been hit by a bus. Needles connected you to tubes that connected you to machines. A hand held tightly onto yours, just like in your dream. Your eyes fluttered open and closed until they finally settled on the ceiling. Your chest rose and fellow with your shallow breathing. You lowered your gaze to the figure beside you. His head rested on the edge of the hospital bed, his hands holding onto yours like you were the only thing left in the world.

Your partner sat in the chair in the corner, snoring while a woman- the only other one awake in the room- typed away on her laptop. Dr. Brennan look up at you from the screen and a bright smile spread across her face.

“We weren’t sure you would make it.” She closed her laptop and walked across the room, standing across from Sweets. “You lost a lot of blood, and that stab wound nearly punctured a fatal artery.” She explained. “They had to put some skin grafts on you leg where he carved out the flesh. I must admit, I am very impressed that you survived.”

“Thank you Dr. Brennan.” You chuckled. She reached across you and tapped Sweets on the shoulder. He woke with a jolt, frantic eyes staring at her.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” He asked. She smirked and pointed at you.

“Y/N is awake.” His head turned to you, the worry in his eyes replaced by relief. For a moment he just looked at you, too shocked to say anything.

“Hey.” He finally said, laughing as more tears sprung to his eyes. He shifted his chair even closer to you. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a pincushion.” You joked and Brennan nudged Booth awake. His face lit up when he saw you.

“Welcome back, kid.” He beamed. Lance leaned towards you a pressed his lips gently to your forehead.

“I thought that-”

“I know.” You traced circles in his palm. “But I’m okay. We’re going to be okay.” Dr. Brennan called Angela to let her know that you were awake and said that Angela was on her way with Hodgins. You had never realized how much they all cared about you until you saw the relieved looks on their faces to know that you were okay. You had become part of their family; protected and loved.

“There is something I’ve been meaning to give you.” Lance began. He had been carrying the small box around in his pocket for the past few days, debating on whether or not it was the right time. Almost losing you made him realize that if there was any time to start spending the rest of your lives together, it was now. “I know that it might not be the ideal situation, and your judgement is probably clouded with drugs but…”

He opened the tiny box and set it before you, the ring inside dazzling under the hospital's lights.

“Will you marry me?” Your jaw fell open, tears of utter joy spilling down your face, nodding wildly.

“Yes. Dear god, yes!” Despite the pain, you propped yourself up on your elbow, tangled your fingers in his hair and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Aw!” Angela gasped. “That was amazing, you guys! Congratulations!”

“This calls for a celebration!” Hodgins exclaimed, but added. “Obviously not until Y/N’s feeling better.” Booth chuckled and pat Sweets on the back before casting a glance at Temperance that you read as more than just a partnership.

“Don’t forget about that favor, Seeley.” You poked his arm and his face turned red.

Sure you were all a little broken and strange and far too obsessed with the dead, but this was who you were. You stopped the bad-guys, even if it meant getting a few scars. You couldn’t think of better people to face death everyday with and now with you and Lance’s engagement, your life in D.C was just beginning.

#lance sweets #john francis daley #bones #sweets x reader #bones imagine #lance sweets x reader #yes i'm quoting swan princess

[enemymine2000]

Fandom rambles: Destiel

Random disclaimer: I am late to the party, but I'm only just now trying to catch up on Supernatural. I have binge-watched as much as I could the last couple of months and right now I'm at 11.17, so roughly only a season left to finally catch up with y'all. Therefore I don't actually know what's going on in canon right now, apart from the random gif-set or meta. I don't tend to spoil myself willingly (too much). Random dislcaimer to the disclaimer: I tweaked the programmed fall of Castiel a little bit after I finally caught up with the show. (YEAH!) Meaning I added “a bit” to the text, but my argument still holds despite Chuck being kind of a douchenoodle. I also clarified some of my ramblings, while I added to others. Wild ETAs appear, but since I couldn’t catch them all, I haven’t identified them all. So basically I re-wrote some of it without actually changing my hypothesis.

That being said…

In my mind Destiel low-key exists in canon. It's not only the fact that it is always especially acknowledged in the more meta episodes – as much as I love Sam's fascination with the subject. But simply the way the show is actually written.

There was the line spoken by Sam, while Dean had his focus completely on bringing down the Leviathans, that went something like: “Are you looking at porn or are you exclusively into dicks now.” The casual viewer laughs it off as a nice pun on the name of main villain Dick Roman, but underlying is Sam's acknowledgment of the fact that his brother very well might not be totally straight either.

Random discourse on sexuality: I'm totally straight, so all I know is second-hand knowledge and stuff you read and hear over the years of existence. But what I know is that bisexuality does not mean that you can't have a predominately type or gender for that matter.

So us only seeing Dean's female conquests doesn't automatically negate any chance of him being bi. As well as him obviously favoring female Asian porn.

I mean, come on. I'm a straight woman, but I prefer to watch male gay porn. Doesn't make me a gender-bent homosexual. (Please, no wank on the nonchalance I display. Everyone does themselves, I do me.)

Sam practically always takes the chance to tease Dean about possible male/male relations when it arises. Mostly in connection to the Winchester Gospels/Supernatural fan fiction they come across and practically always in regards to Cas.

Little brothers always know best, I'd say.

So I take that as as much verbal confirmation we'll ever get, unless the show mans up and gets The CW to back down on their “please, no homo for main characters”-policy. Which, come on, Supernatural got an early renewal for season 13, they could really start to give us a treat.

Anyway… It was established very early on in the Cas' storyline, that the angel Castiel and the Righteous Man, Dean, share a most profound bond. Something beyond everything Castiel feels for anyone else, except maybe Chuck himself – but that is practically his operating system and doesn't really count as changeable feeling. I heard even Lucifer still loved Daddy dearest deep down in his blackest of hearts and by Chuck he really tried not to. So operating system it is.

Castiel having that deep of a bond with Dean is not part of that. In fact it even interferes with all orders he gets from Heaven in his first two seasons.

He is not meant to get attached, but he is and it slowly but surely changes his basic programming. He comes to love humankind in a way that practically no angel since allegedly Lucifer has done. He starts to understand them on a basic level even while still being a celestial being roughly the size of the Chrysler building.

Castiel falls without actually falling from Heaven. And even when he later gets caught and reprogrammed by Naomi, his attachment to Dean wins over his new orders. This bond runs deeper than his connection to Heaven and even his faith in his father, the two fundamental pillars of his very existence. Nothing should be able to beat that, but his connection and feelings for Dean do. Again and again.

Which is something that in my opinion can't be stated enough. The angel Castiel was a good soldier. The leader of his garrison. He was trusted and in return he had blind faith in the cause of Heaven.

The soldier fell because of one human man.

No matter his role in prophecy, at the end of the day Dean is nothing but a pathetic, weak human man. Functional alcoholic with enough issues to pay the bills for all of New York's psychiatrists. (I've heard there are a lot of them.) A guy, who as much as he loves his brother, he doesn't even fully trust him. Not enough to tell him that he is screwed up after his stint in Hell anyway. And it gets only worse as the seasons progress.

A man who doesn't even believe in God's plan when confronted with the proof of its existence. Ironically by meeting Chuck himself, but hey, a God does what a God has to do, right.

And here it is, something I think is highly overlooked when it comes to the discussion of whether or not Destiel might be real, going canon or what-not. The fact that Chuck not only knew about Castiel falling, but it was part of His very own plan. Castiel needed to fall for the Winchester Gospels, which were practically the Word of God – without anyone knowing at that point, okay, but still – to play out as intended. (ETA: As much as the Apocalypse in Supernatural had been engineered by leader-less, bored angels, its happening has been foretold for close to 2000 years, I guess from the prophecy of John until today, so even without the Winchester Gospels a Righteous Man was foretold to break the first seal, so there always needed to be an angel to raise the Righteous Man out of Hell - innocent soul after all. For the ultimate fight in the Apocalypse the Angel Breeding Program always watched over the bloodlines which would bring forth the perfect vessels for Lucifer and Michael and always needed to make sure to keep the vessels alive as long as there was no replacement/next generation ready. Meaning of course somekind of guardian angel. Lucky Cas, he just was doomed from the start, when the bored upper echelon jump-started the Apocalypse program. Because of course he was chosen (? - programmed?) to raise the Righeous Man, who just happened to be Dean freaking Winchester, Michael’s perfect vessel. The Upper Echelon and The Angel Breeding Program obviously were never good in keeping each other informed. Which is why Chuck hadn’t expected Castiel to be there, despite the Winchester Gospel - the amended version of the original prophecy. When Chuck still was on top of everything Heaven, those mistakes simply didn’t happen and therefore even God himself could not foresee Castiel taking an active part in the Apocalypse - with the rebellion so to speak. But Chuck definitevly foretold, aided and abetted even, the rebellion and hoped to himself to stop his own program, for it was not meant to go off that early. And he really couldn’t have his angels running roughshod over his plans, especially while He still enjoyed his creation. As a nice little compensation for stopping the unstoppable, Chuck rebuild Castiel after Lucifer was back in the cage. But the angel was already infected with the Winchester-virus and still screwed, which at this point Chuck must have known, even when he still didn’t overly care for his “son” and whatever would happen with Heaven going forwards.)

So since Chuck in Supernatural, despite all his flaws, still is an all powerful and omniscient being, it de facto was God's Will for Castiel turning his wings on Heaven for Dean's sake. (ETA: Him knowing and not changing things in this case means “God’s Will”. We can not assume not knowing, since Chuck turned up for “Supernatural - The Musical”. We know he did not care until it was actually kind of too late - if it wasn’t for the Winchesters - and threatened His own being for once. So if He knew and did not change things, it implied His Will, even if only by omission of doing something else.) He might not have known about the clusterfuck Heaven produced due to jump-starting the program, but he did not change the course history would take after by running an anti-virus program against human emotions through Castiel when he rebuild the latest version he had transformed into. The version that going forward had the free will to go against Heaven and therefore laying the groundwork for the literal fall of all angel-kind. (Something that He still, to the best of my knowledge has not fixed. So all angels still depend on the stairway to Heaven, Cas is so far gone down the human route, he practically is human inside. So whatever clusterfuck “of cosmic proportions” happens next, I blame it on Chuck for not taking the time to reorganize Heaven before He made of with Amara to wherever.)

Heavily flawed Dean Winchester - ah well, even Chuck couldn't plan out all details in advance. But the Winchester line was part of the Angel Breeding Program and therefore always meant to produce Michael’s, but with an infusion of demon-blood also Lucifer’s. And there must have been a point in history, where it was obvious to look to Dean when it came to the Righteous Man. I mean, the Upper Echelon were not one day like: “Let’s jump-start Apocalypse, who is the most likely candidate for breaking the first seal in Hell right now.” They must have known to watch for Dean, before he was taken by the hellhounds. To observe, how long he would hold out. They must have planned to have him being the Righteous Man from the moment he made that damn crossroads deal. Them not intervening on his behalf is evidence enough for that. Dean Winchester was Michael’s perfect vessel. The only possible candidate at that point. Adam was not a product of the Angel Breeding Program, therefore not on their radar until the Winchester brothers discovered his existence, which was after the Apocalypse had started and Dean had already declined various attempts to have him become Michael’s meatsuit. The Angel Breeding Program was desperate, for the Apocalypse was to far advanced to delay the ultimate fight much longer and in the Upper Echelon’s need to have something happen, they missed the fact that it’s always good to have a spare. Which normally would have been Sam, but alas, demonblood infusion. A goner for Lucifer as far as they were concerned - and hence probably the only reason they were so desperate in having him stop consuming demonblood. He was too far ahead schedule for Heaven’s liking. So, having Dean be the vessel while also be the Righteous Man was not well thought out, but the Upper Echelon hazarded the consequences. They send Castiel to raise him after the First Seal was broken and kept him on his case, so the vessel would not be gone before it was its time to be used by Michael. Practically a 2-1-deal for Heaven, right? Only Dean’s main flaw is to go against the machine and beat the odds or die trying. Therefore he corrupted Castiel and formed him to be the Cas we all know and love.

All in Chuck's plan, by planing the Apocalypse and not changing the program once it was started by Heaven - although, maybe he did. We call Chuck’s books “The Winchester Gospels”, but are they still gospels, when God himself wrote the script? He sure didn’t care about everything enough anymore, but he still kind of liked just being with his creation and he definitively is a stronger being than all others, except Amara. So he could have simply changed some things to keep his creation going without outright stopping the Apocalypse - which was meant to happen anyway by him, just not that year - but in favor of Team Free Will. Or maybe he really did not care either way and had already his room prepared and was willing to wait there for whatever as long earth itself continued to exist - well, and Amara was not freed, I’m pretty sure that would have been an instant deal-breaker. Either way, Chuck’s plan. Either by action or inaction.

But, you say, what does that all make Dean and Cas necessarily into a gay romance thing. Nothing at first. But then you must also remember that Cas is a celestial being first and foremost. He is only a he, because Jimmy Novak's body turned out to be his perfect vessel. Angels are basically genderless and as Cas himself once said during his first couple of seasons, they don't judge based on gender or sexuality. It simply is what it is.

That also makes the point moot some might offer up, that Cas only ever seemed to be physically attracted to women.

For starters we have way too little data. Cas has had a boner watching hetero porn (in reaction to the babysitter or the pizza-man we don’t know) and in a pinch acted out on what he saw with Meg. That was not attraction, that was simply a life and death - try to distract them - situation. Meg being attracted to Cas is another thing altogether. But to quote Jensen on whether he ever thought about Jared in a sexual way: “Who wouldn't want to tap that!”

So the whole Clarence-schtick starts. Cas not being in his right mind at the time makes everything we might see from him, before he regains his sanity, moot. Consensual issues and all that jazz. Even for celestial beings.

Remains the one line about him having been willing to give it a try before Meg sacrifices herself. Again with the “Who wouldn't want to tap that.”

Cas genuinely came to care for that demon, who had been willing to go against everything demons stand for and help out an angel. Said demon inhabiting a nicely build body and obviously being good at kissing is not a turn-off either.

But most importantly, both knew that it would have taken a miracle for Meg to survive the coming minutes. It was their way of comforting each other and saying goodbye.

The next one we are being shown is April. Cas has now truly fallen in every imaginable way. Heaven's Gates are closed, he is without his grace and thus purely human and on the run from literally every angel there is. And all are on earth, he can't see their true faces anymore and he feels he has to protect the Winchesters by staying away after what has happened with Hael, who pretended to be on his side only to turn around and use him for her own gain.

April appears to be human and nice and one thing leads to another. Not necessarily to be taken romantically. I mean, take a look at the situation and try to imagine living it yourself.

At this point Cas is as human as he can possibly be emotionally. He is on the run, running on empty, injured and doesn't know whether there will ever be a safe place for him anywhere. He doesn't even know, where he belongs to anymore. He will always be angelic at heart – literally an eternity of being one will not be so easily erased – but he is truly human now. The Gates of Heaven are closed, so even if he somehow got his grace back, he would still be trapped on earth. Should the Gates of Heaven open again, he would not be welcomed due to his role in the Fall and his time as Godstiel.

His live is in danger from practically everyone now – humans are so much more fragile and complex as angels – his only allies are the Winchesters who are always in trouble one way or the other and really don't need all angelkind on their case too. He is hurting on all levels and there is just this one little beacon of hope called April. Doesn't hurt that she is attractive and he inhabits a hot-blooded male body, which obeys a simple programming. Eat, sleep, procreate. Repeat.

The only true interest on an emotionally level Cas shows to a woman is during his Steve days. But then again, he is new at this whole being human thing. He desperately tries to blend in and Nora seems to be genuinely kind to him.

He misreads her intentions though, for he simply doesn't know better. Nuances of human interaction are still too much to handle for the former angel. Not too forget, that he is disappointed in Dean for turning him away from the bunker.

What would you do if you literally had no one else and would wanted to fit in? You either despair or you would try to find new friends. In this scenario, you would accept the apparent invitation for a date and go with the motions. (We literally see him imitating others in that very episode, where he to goes with the motions without understanding the subtext of the interactions.)

IDean's appearance in “Steve's” town throws an emotional wedge into Cas' new life. Despite him still going through the motions, his pain is palpable. He misses being Cas, he misses Dean and it hurts him, that Dean seems to be so nonchalant about the prospect of him dating. Enter the Rit Zien, the “mercy-killer-angel” Ephraim, who comes after Cas.

That concludes the data. At least as far as I'm currently aware. Three females (at least in body) and a porn video (maybe).

Again, Cas as an angel simply has no appointed gender. No appointed sexuality. He simply does not care about such concepts. It is what it is at any given moment.

But his heart, well, that is another matter. The strongest emotions he feels when it is Dean. The strongest bond is to Dean. Dean is acknowledged in canon to be his ultimate weakness and also strength in nearly every episode Cas makes an appearance.

So saying that Cas not only loves Dean, like he would love all humankind (Chuck programmed that into his angels too), but is in love with him is not a stretch. It simply is stating a fact.

So back to Dean's point of view. There is way more data to be had canonically. But also a lot to be left to the imagination.

We hear a lot more about Dean's conquests than we do actually see them. Whenever Dean has a night in the town, so to speak, it is more alluded to the fact that he picked up a random woman than actually shown. So it could very well be, that some random men might be among the conquests.

I again might want to remind you, that Sam is completely calm about the prospect of Dean being with men. He never even hints at being uncomfortable with the thought.

I mean, I don't know about your family, but my brother, as cool and modern and open-minded as the little shit is, would still be left speechless for once if he suddenly got confronted with his sister turning to the other side. He would snap out of it very fast, but he still would have his moment of reevaluating me and our relationship, trying to figure out where he might have missed hints and stuff like that. And than the bastard would probably humorously ask if he could leave me and his girlfriend alone in one room. As I said, he can be a little shit. I love him regardless.

We see nothing of that sort from Sam. Meaning he had that moment sometime off screen, probably way back in the brother's past. Knowing John Winchester, probably not when the old man was around, but had left his sons somewhere in a motel by themselves.

Well, I've heard teenaged boys are horny as fuck and no adult supervision and only a little brother to think about… Who knows how many conquests Dean had in those dingy motels while being left behind to look after little Sammy. Who knows, maybe Dean even had to do some stuff of the sexual kind, just to keep questions at bay and Child Protective Service off their backs. (I mean come on, John was sometimes gone for weeks and two underage sons left in dingy motels without parental supervision sure raises questions and causes problems. Keyword being “dingy” here – low-lives are to be expected, societal outcasts and all the crop of the worst. And they were not so far of the grit as to have noone care either. The boys went to school, so had to probably meet the guidance counselors frequently and as much as humans are flawed, at least a couple must have cared that these boys were permanently moved around and left in motels. You get where I'm coming from.)

Dean was drilled from 4 years old to do literally everything he can to keep Sam safe. You know he would go down on his knees to blow someone if that is what it takes.

So, I think Dean thinks sex is sex, no matter the gender. No hindrance on the matter of Cas occupying a male vessel for him.

Emotionally is a different matter altogether, but that’S not because of some big gay revelation but because everything and everybody Dean loves dies. He learned that when he was 4 and his mother burned. He learned that again and again at the knee of his father, while he was taught to be Daddy’s perfect little soldier. Don’t feel for those people, just come in save them or gank them, when they are monsters. It is the family business.

Imaging living that life! Being responsible for your younger brother like a parent, being a soldier instead of a son for your father and just slightly more than a passing glance for those you meet on the road. The only one who cared for Dean’s emotional well-being was Bobby (and later that guy on that farm for wayward boys). That is not enough to learn normal human responses and emotions.

Case in point Dean chosing the family business because he saw Sam in his father’s car, when John came to take him away from that farm, instead of saying “screw you, I’d rather go to prom with my girl”. Because that would have been a normal teenage response to being left behind and then actually liking where you end up. Teenagers are self-centered. Dean is not. He is Sam-centered. All his relationships (romantic and otherwise) show that over the course of the show and it only started ro gradually change once Dean could shift some of his focus away from Sam and onto Cas.

Lisa and that girl on that farm are the only ones, Dean is shown to have allowed in deeper. But still not deep enough. He left the girl basically for Sam. He did the same with Lisa. Oh, with Lisa he says, it’s because bad things tend to follow him home and it will never stop, so he not only leaves her and Ben, but actually has himself erased from their memories. But it’s more that he can’t open himself to them fully. He can’t let them in and just assumes, they wouldn’t want in anyway with all the creepy things that wait there. He never even tells his brother that he loves him, instead having the “bitch, jerk”-ritual. No, Dean tends to keep it casual, because that is what was drilled into him by his father. The very father who lost his wife and couldn’t deal with it other than to seek revenge until the very end. No matter the consequences. Even if those were the lives of his sons. The very father, who had another son, which he also could not let in. Because what you love dies, so better not commit to such an emotion. At the other end of this we have emotionally constipated Dean, who never learned to love anybody except his brother, who lets in Cas. He trusts Cas, when he can’t even trust his own brother. Even when ruled by the Mark of Cain his trust lies with Cas. He asks him to take him down when he loses control. It is Cas he asks to care for Sam, when he can’t anymore, when he gets ready to meet his fate, when he carries the soul-bomb to Amara. The guy who says he does not do chick-flick moments has those with Cas en masse, but with no one else. Even Sam. Case in point, the aforementioned wish for Cas to put him down, when Dean still denies for a couple of more episodes getting worse to Sam. Or when meeting Cas (at that point possessed by Lucifer) in the bunker, telling him about his special connection to Amara, when he didn't tell Sam anything beyond “I met her and we didn't kill each other and that's how I landed a mile away from Baby in a field”. It took again a couple of more episodes for him to admit that to Sam and probably only because he knew he needed to, otherwise he would ruin their chance to banish the Darkness.

Dean showing his emotions for Cas in coming through for him, trusting him with his inner most thoughts and secrets, is practically his way of shouting his feelings for his angel from the rooftops. And the world, demons and angels and everything in-between, takes notice.

In conclusion:

Destiel is already canon. But it is a frustratingly slow burn. Maybe we will never been shown them as a couple for various reason – doesn't fit into the narrative, destroys the flow of the show, or the execs at the network don't want something like that on the screen – but it already is.

And the actors already play towards it.

Misha's blatantly baiting of the bond, heart-eyes and all, shows that as the actor who has to portrait Castiel, he knows and understands the love his angel feels towards that damaged human. And the exasperation that Dean has not yet acknowledged it openly, when the whole universe is already aware, but that is Dean Winchester for you and what is he to do…

Jensen stating that he does not see Destiel shows how Dean can not (yet) acknowledge the emotional bond beyond friendship. As an actor he simply can't allow for fannish what-ifs and headcanons. Dean has to keep a certain amount of distance. He is hurt by all the losses in his life and he will not admit to feelings for Cas, if there is the slightest chance of the angel getting in danger because of him.

That certainly would make sense from a director/writer's point of view. Maybe Misha has been told that Destiel is a already thing, while Jensen has not been told the same, to keep that vibe of uncertainty which gives so much motivation for the characters and so many plots for the show.

Maybe everything I wrote is total beeswax and Destiel is all in my head. But at least you'll get now some of the reasons, why I ship them.

#Supernatural #Destiel #meta #my thoughts on the matter #just rambling #because of the recent fandom wank #late to the party #story of my life