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#the real mental stability is the cat we adopted along the way...
briannawhiteme · 3 years
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I adopted my cat 2 1/2 years ago.
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I was depressed and suffering from suicidal thoughts. My therapist wrote a note to my landlord telling him I needed an emotional support pet.
Less than a week after discussing it with / getting approval from my landlord, my mom had a stroke. The first of what would be over a half dozen in less than a year.
I went to the hospital with my sister to visit her, but afterwards neither of us were in a good place to go home. We stopped at PetSmart to distract ourselves, so I could buy a litterbox, scratching post, etc.
I also said hi to their resident cats from the SPCA. I asked to meet a couple. I thought I wanted an older or all black cat since they're the hardest to find homes for. But I didn't connect to the Black cat or the two seniors that were there. But my sister pointed out the scrawny, 1 yo tortoiseshell who had been watching us quietly and intently. When her kennel opened, she immediately began rubbing on us, with inaudible purrs vibrating through her.
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She had been a stray, caught by the tnr program, but they decided to put her up for adoption, rather than release after her spay, because she was malnourished, and the rescue didn't think she could take care of herself.
I took her home a week and a half later and changed her name from French Fries to Artemis.
She was an odd cat. She would be immediately there when I was having a bad depressive episode or panic attack, rubbing against me and making sure I knew she was there, but otherwise watched me skittishly from the other side of the room. She barely let me pet her, sprinted away when I moved to fast, and hid from guests.
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For nearly the first 2 years, she never kneaded blankets, purred loud enough to be heard, or meowed outside of very soft trills.
But now these are daily activities! She audibly purrs every night as she falls asleep on my feet! Every fluffy blanket left unattended is kneaded and napped on! She screams at me to make her dinner every night at 6:00.
I just started crying, watching her knead a blanket at the foot of my bed while she purred loud enough for me to hear it.
She's in a much better place than she was when I brought her home and so am I. I'm so proud of her for how much she's grown and how much she's allowed me to grow.
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things ive already established r on this post
besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri
okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.
so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.
i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.
anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.
anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.
he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao
to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.
so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.
OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.
and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.
when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.
i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.
back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.
she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.
cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.
they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.
i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.
welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz
post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3
not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him
THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk
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I’ve Got No Fucking Clue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Warnings: There are no warnings for this chapter.
Chapter 3
All of the Avengers, plus Thor although he might be considered an Avenger now, were standing in a room with a monitor in it. They watched as Fury threatened Loki.
“In case it's unclear. You try to escape. You so much as scratch that glass.” Fury pressed a button that opened up the space beneath Loki’s glass cage.
“Thirty thousand feet, straight down in a steel trap. You get how that works?!” Fury asked. “Ant,” Fury points at Loki, “boot.” He points at the button.
“It’s an impressive cage. Not built, I think, for me.” Loki smirks.
“Built for things a lot stronger than you.” Fury says.
“Oh trust me I know.” Loki’s smirk turns towards the camera. In the observation room Douxie and Bruce tense up. Archie starts growling at the screen, at Loki or Fury, Douxie doesn’t know.
“The mindless beast and the last master wizard on Midgard. How desperate are you, that you call upon such lost beasts to defend you?” Loki asks, no longer looking at the camera.
“How desperate am I? You threaten my world with war. You steal a force you can't hope to control. You talk about peace and you kill ‘cause it's fun. You have made me very desperate. You might not be glad that you did.” Fury responds.
“Ooh. It burns you to come so close. To have the Tesseract, to have power, unlimited power. And for what? A warm light for all mankind to share, and then to be reminded what real power is. You would’ve come closer to power if you had used the wizard, his magic is extremely powerful.” Loki taunts.
“We thought about it once, I’m glad we didn’t, he’s a good kid. Let me know if Real Power wants a magazine.” With that Fury walks out of the room.
“Not a kid.” Douxie mumbles as the screen turns black.
“He really grows on you, doesn’t he?” Bruce asked sarcastically.
“Oh yeah, definitely.” Archie answers with even more sarcasm.
“Shit! I forgot you could talk.” Tony startles.
“Loki’s gonna drag this out. So, Thor, what’s his play?” Steve asked.
“He has an army called the Chitauri. They're not of Asgard or any world known. He means to lead them against your people. They will win him the earth. In return, I suspect, for the Tesseract.” Thor uncrosses his arms.
“An army? From outer space?” Steve looks incredulous.
“Wouldn’t be the first one I’ve seen, although the last one was fighting for us not against us.” Douxie says.
“Ignoring what Douxie said for a minute, this means Loki’s building another portal. That’s what he needs Erik Selvig for.” Bruce says.
“Selvig?” Thor asks.
“He’s an astrophysicist.” Bruce answers.
“He’s a friend.” And oh, Thor must’ve met him when he came to Earth a few years ago.
“Loki has him under some kind of spell, along with one of ours.” Nat says, she gets a regretful look on her face. The only ones who notices are Douxie and Archie.
“I want to know why Loki let us take him. He’s not leading an army from here.” Steve says.
“I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats, you could smell crazy on him.” Bruce says.
“Have care how you speak. Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard, and he's my brother.” Thor says.
“He’s killed eighty people in two days.” Nat points out.
“He’s adopted.” Thor defends. Douxie gives out a little snort that cause Nat to look at him. She gives him a soft smile before looking away again.
“Iridium, what did they need the iridium for?” Bruce asks.
“It’s a stabilizing agent,” Tony says walking in, he turns to Coulson, “I’ll fly you there. Keep the love alive.” He turns back to everyone else, “Means the portal won’t collapse in on itself like it did at SHIELD.”
Tony turns to Thor, “No hard feelings, Point Break. You've got a mean swing. Also, it means the portal can open as wide, and stay open as long, as Loki wants.”
Tony turns to the crew on the Helicarrier before speaking again, “Uh, raise the mid-mast, ship the top sails. That man is playing GALAGA! Thought we wouldn't notice. But we did.” Tony put a hand around one of his eyes and looks around.
“How does Fury do this?” Tony questions.
“He turns.” Maria Hill says causing Douxie to snort.
“Well, that sounds exhausting. The rest of the raw materials, Agent Barton can get his hands on pretty easily. Only major component he still needs is a power source. A high energy density, something to kick start the cube.” Tony waves his hands around.
“When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?” Maria asked.
“Last night. The packet, Selvig's notes, the Extraction Theory papers. Am I the only one who did the reading?” Tony asked.
“I read them, I understood most of it but some things were confusing.” Douxie said. Tony looked at him with approval.
“Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?” Steve asked.
“He's got to heat the cube to a hundred and twenty million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier.” Bruce answered.
“Unless, Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect.” Tony contradicts.
“Well, if he could do that he could achieve Heavy Ion Fusion at any reactor on the planet.” Douxie says.
Tony smirks, “Finally! People who speak English.”
“Is that what just happened?” Steve asks.
“Yes, although you probably don’t understand it because your old.” Tony says.
“I don’t think age has anything to do with it, I think it has to do with the fact that he was trapped in ice for 70 years.” Douxie says.
“You think an old man could keep up with what we just talked about?” Tony asks.
“I mean I did, and I’m the second oldest person in this room.”
“Your like 19, that’s not old.”
“I’ve been 19 for 900 years.”
“What?!” Multiple people shouted.
“Wizards can choose to stop aging at any time.” Everybody but Nat and Thor looked surprised at this.
“Holy shit that’s so cool.” Nat rolled her eyes at Tony’s antics, even if it was a bit cool.
“Can we get back on topic? We can question the wizard later.” Bruce says.
“Right, it’s good to meet you, Dr. Banner. You're work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.” Tony shakes Bruce’s hand.
Bruce looks uncomfortable while he mutters a thanks.
“Dr. Banner is only here to track the cube. I was hoping you might join him.” Fury says walking in.
“Let's start with that stick of his. It may be magical, but it works an awful lot like a HYDRA weapon.” Steve says.
“I don't know about that, but it is powered by the cube. And I'd like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys. That’ll be Hisirdoux’s job though.
Douxie nods, ignoring Tony’s snort of amusement when he heard his full name.
“Monkeys? I do not understand.” Thor says.
“I do! I understood that reference.” Steve exclaims. Tony rolls his eyes while Douxie claps his hands sarcastically.
“Shall we play doctor? Harry Potter your coming with us too.” Tony says before he grabs Douxie’s bicep and drags him out with Bruce following.
“Let’s play some.” Bruce says as they walk out.
“I can walk myself thank you.” Douxie says while taking his bicep out of Tony’s grip.
“I know, but we wouldn’t want the old man to throw out his hip while walking.” Tony smirks at him.
“I’m technically still 19, I’ve just stayed 19 for 900 years.” Douxie glared.
“Wait, so you’re physically 19 but mentally you’re 919?” Bruce asks.
“No, he’s physically and mentally 19. Even if he has acquired a lot of knowledge over the past 900 years he still has the maturity of a 19 year old.” Archie says.
“Excuse you, I am very mature.” Douxie tried to defend himself.
“Just last week you were arguing with Seamus and Claire about who had the coolest special magic.” Archie deadpanned.
“I was born with the ability to control fire and to see the future, that’s one more than either of them have by themselves.” Tony and Bruce looked confused as the wizard and familiar argued.
“Who’s Claire and Seamus?” This was Tony that asked.
“And what is special magic?” That was Bruce that asked.
“Claire and Seamus are my apprentices, they’re also like my little siblings. And special magic is magic that you have to be born with. Every wizard is born with regular magic, but there’s also certain magic that you have to be born with to do.
“There’s shadow magic, necromancy, elemental magic, healing magic, and future seeing magic. I was born with the ability to control fire and see the future. Claire can control shadows and even create portals with them. Seamus was born with healing magic.” Douxie said. They had arrived at the lab and were sitting down now.
“Wow, that’s kinda cool.” Tony says. He and Bruce start working on finding the Tesseract. Douxie walks over to the staff and holds his hands above it.
“This is weird.” Douxie states.
“What is?” Bruce asks.
“It doesn’t feel like magic, it feels more like raw energy.” Douxie looks confused. Bruce walks over with a scanner thing in his hands. He holds it out over the staff and moves it around. Tony hasn’t moved from where he’s solving equations.
“The gamma readings are definitely consistent with Selvig's reports on the Tesseract. But it's gonna take weeks to process.” Bruce says.
“If we bypass their mainframe and direct a reroute to the Homer cluster, we can clock this around six hundred teraflops.” Tony says.
“All I packed was a toothbrush.” Bruce states. Tony smiles at Bruce and Douxie.
“You two should come by Stark Tower some time. Top 10 floors, all R&D. You’d love it, and we could use magic to make the best inventions ever.” Tony says.
“If I come, I’m bringing a friend. He’s only 16 but he’s a genius when it comes to technology.” Douxie says.
“What’s his name?” Tony asks.
“Krel Tarron.” Douxie tells him.
“Hmm, I’ll have to look him up.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not? Has he done something terrible.”
“He’s not from around here.”
“Is he an immigrant?”
“Kind of.”
“I don’t think it’d be a good idea for me to go, the last time I was in New York I kind of broke...Harlem.” Bruce says, ending their conversation.
“Well, I promise a stress free environment. No tension. No surprises.” Tony says right before he pokes Bruce with a mini electrical rod. Right then, Steve walked in, looking pissed.
Bruce yelps in shock when Tony zaps him. Tony looks at him closely.
“Nothing?” Tony asks.
“Hey! Are you nuts?” Steve exclaims.
“You’ve really got a lid on it, haven’t you? What’s your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?” Tony continued to question.
“Is everything a joke to you.” Steve asks Tony.
“Funny things are.” Tony deadpanned.
“Threatening the safety of everyone on this ship isn't funny. No offense, doctor.” Steve says.
“No, it's alright. I wouldn't have come aboard if I couldn't handle pointy things.” Bruce says.
“You're tiptoeing, big man. You need to strut.” Tony tells Bruce.
“And you need to focus on the problem, Mr. Stark.” Steve says annoyed.
“You think I'm not? Why did Fury call us and why now? Why not before? What isn't he telling us? I can't do the equation unless I have all the variables.” Tony says.
“You think Fury’s hiding something.”
“He's a spy. Captain, he's the spy. His secrets have secrets. It's bugging them too, isn't it?” Tony points at Douxie and Bruce.
“Uh...I just wanna finish my work here and...” Stammers Bruce.
“Doctor? Douxie?” Steve asks.
“I’m kinda with Tony on this one, sorry Spangles. He knows everything about me but all I know about him is his name.” Douxie shrugs his shoulders. Steve looks disappointed.
“A warm light for all mankind, Loki's jab at Fury about the cube.” Bruce begins.
“I heard it.” Steve cuts him off.
Bruce points at Tony, “Well, I think that was meant for you. Even if Barton didn't post that all over the news.”
“The Stark Tower? That big ugly,” Tony gives Steve a look, “...building in New York?”
“It’s powered by Stark Reactors, self-sustaining energy source. That building will run itself for what, a year?” Bruce turns towards Tony.
“That's just the prototype. I'm kind of the only name in clean energy right now.” Tony says with pride.
“So, why didn't SHIELD bring him in on the Tesseract project? I mean, what are they doing in the energy business in the first place?” Douxie asks, catching onto the point Bruce was trying to make.
“I should probably look into that once my decryption programmer finishes breaking into all of SHIELD's secure files.” Tony says to himself.
“I'm sorry, did you say...?” Steve asks.
“Jarvis has been running it since I hit the bridge. In a few hours we'll know every dirty secret SHIELD has ever tried to hide. Blueberry?” Tony holds out the bag towards Douxie and Bruce. Both of them take a couple and Douxie hands some to Archie.
“Yet you're confused about why they didn't want you around?” Steve says.
“An intelligence organization that fears intelligence? Historically, not possible.” Tony retorts.
“I think Loki's trying to wind us up. This is a man who means to start a war, and if we don't stay focused, he'll succeed. We have orders, we should follow them.” Steve, the good soldier he is, says.
“Following is not really my style.” Tony says.
“Not really mine either.” Douxie states.
“And you're all about style, aren't you?” Steve smiles condescendingly at Tony, completely ignoring Douxie.
“Of the people in this room, which one is; A. wearing a spangly outfit, and B. not of use?” Tony asks annoyed.
“Steve, tell me none of this smells a little funky to you?” Steve looks hesitant at Bruce’s question, but quickly shakes it off.
“Just find the cube.” Steve says before leaving.
“Well that was fun.” Douxie says sarcastically.
“That's the guy my dad never shut up about? Wondering if they shouldn't have kept him on ice.” Tony says.
“The guy's not wrong about Loki. He does have the jump on us.” Bruce points out.
“What he’s got us an ACME dynamite kit. It’s gonna blow up in his face, and I’m gonna be there when it does.” Tony says.
“And I’ll read all about it.” Bruce says back.
“Uh-huh. Or you’ll be suiting up like the rest of us.” Tony tells Bruce. Douxie’s starting to get bored of this conversation so he starts picking at his chipped nail polish.
“Ah, see. I don't get a suit of armor. I'm exposed, like a nerve. It's a nightmare.” Bruce mutters.
“You know, as awesome as this conversation is, I’m getting bored. So I’m going to go repaint my nails and call Claire.” Douxie sticks his tongue out and flashes devils horns before leaving. They wave at him as he leaves before starting their conversation again.
Douxie walks to Nat’s room. She’s just getting ready to leave when he walks in.
“Can I borrow your nail polish, I left mine at home.” Douxie asks. She nods and hands it to him before they both exit the room.
“Where’re you going?” Archie asks.
“To talk to Loki, see if I can get information out of him.” Nat replies. Douxie and Archie nod before they split paths with her.
Walking to his current room, Douxie sits down in the desk chair. He unscrews the bottle and starts to paint his nails. He also gets his phone out and calls Claire before putting it on speaker.
“Douxie! Finally, it’s been two days since you left. What happened to calling?” Claire asks as soon as she picks up.
“Sorry C-Bomb, it’s been a busy few days. We’ve captured the guy that stole the Tesseract but we still don’t know where it is.”
“Who stole it anyways?” Claire asked.
“Loki, Norse god of mischief. He plans to use it to make a portal and summon an army to take over Earth.” Douxie didn’t think he should be telling her this but he didn’t care.
“Shit, your not hurt are you?”
“No Claire, I’m fine. Although this team does not get along very well.”
“I’m fine too, thanks for asking.” Archie says.
“Oh! Sorry Archie I wasn’t aware I was on speaker.” Claire apologizes. Archie just chuckled.
“What are you doing right now?” Claire asks.
“I’m painting my nails, Archie’s trying to take a nap on my pillow I think. What are you doing.” Archie purred in response.
“Homework. Me, Jim, Krel, Seamus, Steve, and Toby are having a study session because we have a test tomorrow. They all say hi by the way.”
“Tell them I say hi too.”
“I did, Toby also needs an answer for his history homework and he can’t find it in his book.”
“What’s the question?”
“Hey Douxie!” Toby says over the phone.
“Hi Tobes, what’s you’re question?” Douxie smiles.
“How did the Black Death start? I can’t remember and I can’t find it in the book.”
“Have you tried googling it?”
“Yes! All it tells me is the number of deaths it caused.”
“Well, people think it was transmitted from rodents to humans by the bite of infected fleas.”
“Oh thanks! Your a life saver.”
“No problem Toby.” Douxie finished painting his last nail before using magic to dry them. He goes into the bathroom, taking his eyeliner pencil with him. He continues to talk to Claire for a few more minutes before they ended the call.
He looked into the mirror and sees bags under his eyes. He sighs before leaning forward and applying the eyeliner.
“How did you forget nail polish but remember eyeliner?” Nat asked. Douxie jumped, luckily not poking his eye or messing up his eyeliner.
“I’ve got no clue.” Douxie says before going back to his eyeliner.
“Hurry up we have a situation.” Nat says.
“What’s going on?” Douxie asks.
“Loki plans to unleash the hulk.”
“Fuzz buckets.” Douxie mutters. He quickly finishes his eyeliner before putting his pencil down and picking Archie up.
Archie yawns before going back to sleep in Douxie’s arms. Nat and Douxie walk out of his room and make their way to the lab.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
This fic is also on AO3 if you want to read it there.
I do not own anything other then the parts you don’t recognize.
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aliceslantern · 4 years
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Beyond this Existence: New Life, short 22--Listless
Recovery is a tedious, nonlinear process. Demyx, Ienzo, and the others living in Radiant Garden's castle have to learn to come to terms with their pasts and their memories, learn to grow, and begin to understand what, exactly, it means to be human. While there is unexpected joy in this, there is also unexpected sorrow. A series of oneshots set after Beyond this Existence.
Current short: “Listless.” Ienzo isn’t okay.
Read it on FF.net/ on AO3
---
Something wasn’t right.
Ienzo stared deeply into his plans, spread across the worktable and anchored by his research. He bit his lip. It had all been revised and engineered within an inch of its life; yet something was off, wrong. Was it the angles of the joints of the walls?
Maybe it had nothing to do with its creation, and all to do with its creator.
He had a vicious headache. Ienzo took off his glasses and rested his face in his hand for a moment, trying to rub away the pain. Ever since his confrontation with Even, and in the light of Ansem’s overwhelming depression, Ienzo was feeling increasingly shaken, and increasingly anxious. Sleeping was getting more and more difficult again.
Demyx didn’t seem to be doing well either.
It was clear that the poisoning had shaken him. For a few weeks after it happened, Demyx remained mostly in their apartment. He slept a lot, picked at Arpeggio aimlessly, songs that made no coherent sense to Ienzo. Ienzo first attributed this exhaustion to the aftereffects of the poison, but it seemed to go on longer than it should. This must have traumatized him; he was self-conscious enough when it came to his competency, and he could have taken this as a sign he was unwanted in the community. Ienzo was able to analyze Demyx’s mental state with ease; but he himself was too tired to be of any real help. He felt as though he were constantly carrying another dozen or so kilos.
Ienzo, too, just wanted to rest. The early winter day was cold. He would go home, he decided. He would take a bath and make himself some tea and he would read a perfectly awful book, and he would wait for this to blow over.
Would it?
The anxiety threatened to pull him into a spiral. What if this happiness they’d had had been temporary? His growth and healing falsified? He should have known better than to believe they would have a happy ending, or any ending for that matter.
Was this illogical?
He unlocked the apartment door. There Demyx was, curled under the covers. His gummiphone was on the bed beside him, but he didn’t look at it. He barely moved when Ienzo came into the room. Ienzo took off his shoes and slacks and crawled under the blankets as well. He pulled him close, a gesture that sought more to take comfort than to give it.
Demyx turned, and for a moment they faced each other, wordlessly.
“Are you alright?” Ienzo asked.
“No. You?”
“No.” At least he’d come this far, to be able to admit it. “The world lately has felt so very heavy.” He could feel the pinch in his throat, of oncoming tears, and tried to fight it. “I know you’re hurting, and I want to help, but I--”
“It’s okay,” Demyx said. “I know you’re dealing with a lot. You can’t take care of people when you’re drowning.”
“I used to.”
“Then is not now.” He looked so exhausted, his hair flat, circles under his eyes. “I’m not… going anywhere. I just need some rest.”
“I can’t help but wonder…” It was warm under the covers, but still he shook. “What if this is all temporary, you know?”
“I know. God, do I know.”
“I know this is merely a relapse, of sorts. That these are conditions I have to manage and live with for the rest of my life. But they’re so close to convincing me this is how I’ll always be. I’m not that person. I’m logical, I reason. It feels so draining.”
His face crumpled a little. “I know. They… they triggered you. You have to deal with it. Repressing that pain makes it so much worse.” A sob caught in his throat.
“I’m truly sorry,” Ienzo said. “You’re reeling from this trauma, and I--”
“I’ve been talking through it with Aerith.” He looked ashamed to admit it. “She gave me some pills, to help manage things… they make me so tired.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You had enough on your plate. Besides, I should be… better in a week or two. When the chemicals in my head stabilize. Or whatever.” He didn’t make eye contact.
Ienzo knew that it wasn’t that simple. “Demyx…”
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
Ienzo touched Demyx’s face. He hadn’t shaved in a few days; the pale stubble was scratchy. “There has to be something I can do.”
“You can. You can take care of yourself.”
He inhaled. “You’ll tell me, if things get much worse?”
“Of course.”
Ienzo wanted to believe him. Yet it was so much easier to worry about Demyx than his own increasing instability.
“I mean it, Ienzo. I’m not done with you.”
The smile seemed to take some effort. “Okay.”
---
He tried to get some rest.
He pulled himself away from the memorial, away from the internal. He assisted Even with some simple chemical experiments, had lunch with Ansem, went on a few rounds with Aeleus. Anything to keep his hands and body occupied. Idle hands make the devil’s work. He understood.
Ienzo was determined not to overwork, just to get his mind off of heavier things until he could unravel them a bit more cleanly. Maybe if he let it percolate a bit more, it would grow clearer.
On one of these rounds with Aeleus, they discovered what had evidently been a mother cat’s nest; there were several rodent skeletons, along with damp red stains of birth. But the mother and her kits were gone; aside from a small, wriggling lump in the makeshift scraps of fabric.
“Oh, poor thing,” Ienzo whispered. It was tiny, possibly the runt; its white and brown fur slightly matted. He was shocked to see it was still breathing, but hesitantly so; who knew how long it had been sitting here without its mother. He took the kitten into his hands, to try and warm it up a little bit. Its eyes were crusted over, possibly infected, and it trembled a little.
“It must be sick,” Aeleus said. “Perhaps we should… end its suffering.” It pained him to say this, his blue eyes glinting. “Mothers don’t usually abandon their young unless they feel it’s a lost cause.”
Ienzo stared at the kitten. So small. Yet, the thought of stamping out its life repulsed him. “Well, I certainly wasn’t,” he said. “Perhaps… I want to at least try to nurse it.” He felt like a child. Oh please, oh please can I keep it?  “Demyx might be able to help me.”
Aeleus nodded, a shade of relief gracing his otherwise stoic face. “We could use a mouser.”
---
The first few days he was certain the kitten wouldn’t make it, and any attempts to treat its myriad illnesses felt like Ienzo was just prolonging its suffering. Demyx was only able to help so much--he knew humans, not cats--and for several hours Ienzo dripped milk and antibiotics intermittently into its small mouth. At least it was swallowing, and breathing. He kept as constant of an eye on it as he could, rubbing its small belly to stimulate digestion, wiping the pus from its eyes. He didn’t let it out of his sight and held it as much as he could, because it was so so tiny and so cold. Even the incubation lamp he was able to borrow from Even didn’t seem to do much good.
“You’re going to cause yourself more hurt,” Even said gently. “I can… I can put it to rest painlessly, without violence.”
“I think she wants to live. She’s eating.”
Even shook his head. “If this is how you wish to spend your time. You can probably adopt a healthy cat at the market.”
It took about a week of this, of trying different medicines and drops for its tiny eyes, before the kitten seemed to turn the corner. Its breaths were less labored, it was eating even more; it seemed to gain a few grams every day. Then the pus stopped weeping from its eyes and it gave a tiny, scratchy mew. And for some reason this unraveled him; Demyx found him bawling over the kitten and assumed it had died. Before long, its eyes opened--a temporary blue--to a startling new world.
Ienzo wasn’t sure what this whole ordeal had revealed about himself. The symbolism of it wasn’t lost on him. This uncomplicated kindness was a relief.
She lived.
She went from being on the verge of death to being constantly underfoot, or climbing all over things, up to and including the curtains. She found a particular interest in Demyx’s sitar, trying to crawl over the frets. “Well,” Demyx said, “At least she’s not a critic.”
As she got bigger, she slept on (and in) the bed. She seemed to sense their nightmares; more than once Ienzo woke up to her purring next to his cheek, even as he woke in a cold sweat.
The cat was a comfort to them both. But it still took weeks to name her. Demyx suggested silly names like Jat or Rocks, Ienzo found himself thinking about it entirely too hard, going so far as to look into nomenclature before finally Demyx said, “You know it’s a cat, right?”
One morning Demyx woke up with her paws on his face. All he said was “Beans.”
And Ienzo groaned, because he knew in his heart that the cat’s name was Beans. As stupid as it was. He tried to shorten it to Bea, or Bebe, but the cat didn’t respond to that. She, great comforter of anxiety, was now named after the legume family.
So it goes.
But she did help shake him out of that horrible spiral, and for that she was worth her weight in, well, beans. He could work near her, scratch the soft spot behind her ears, and get back to clear and concise thinking. It was grounding. He wondered how much of his childhood suffering would have been nullified if he’d just had a pet. It was something to look forward to, a concrete reason to exist; Beans needed him. As complex as he tried to be, really simple comforts meant more than intense psychological analysis.
Gradually, the sense of heaviness that had been plaguing him began to fade, and he felt again hopeful. In a small way he would always resent how much control his emotions had over him, how they would muddy thoughts that had once been so easy to grasp. But this was part of humanity, and there was no going back.
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