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tasmyn-pearce · 4 years

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Smoke on the Water, Fire in the Sky || Tasmyn & Ulfric

TIMING: 5/24/2020 (Last Sunday) PARTIES: @big-bad-ulf SUMMARY: Two Non-Humans attempt to go moongazing and have a bonfire picnic at Hanging Rock. What could go wrong? (Smoke Monsters, smoke monsters could go wrong.)

Ulfric took in the scene he’d set up along the edge of Hanging Rock with satisfaction, although truthfully nature had done most of the work for him. The uninterrupted night sky sparkled brightly over the bonfire pit and picnic spread, and the sound of waves lapping against the cliffs below was only vaguely reminiscent of distant, muffled screaming and both things set the mood for… whatever this was supposed to be. People didn’t generally take him up on offers to go moongazing, at least not in human form, and he wasn’t exactly sure how to proceed or how to classify the meeting. Regardless, it would be nice to spend some one on one time with an adult who wasn’t the spawn of his sworn enemies. He heard footsteps along the cliff path, and fiddled with the thick blanket he’d laid out to straighten it before turning to greet the approaching woman. “Tasmyn? It’s good to meet you properly,” He offered her his hand to shake with a smile. Her proximity didn’t trigger a reaction that signalled recognition of one of his kind, but after the incident with Morgan he was more careful about getting his hopes up in that regard, so the disappointment bore softer edges. “I thought we could enjoy a bonfire picnic along with the view.” Leaving her side for a moment, he retrieved a small tupperware container from a wicker picnic basket and presented it to her unceremoniously. “I managed to find some of those strawberries you asked about. Stubborn things grow in abundance around train tracks, human plans be damned.”

Tasmyn was looking forward to seeing the moon, and the stars of course! They deserved equal recognition, equal respect. After all, human scientists claim that the light we see is from stars that have already exploded. That was insane, and very metal. She followed the directions that the internet man gave her, she thought about looking up a map beforehand, but this wasn’t her first time in a forest, she was confident she’d be able to figure it out. After getting a bit turned around a few times, she finally made it to the clearing. “Yes, hi! Ulfric?” Usually she tried to take people’s names whenever she could, but he was being nice and offered to show her a good moon spot, so she was paying forward some kindness, even if he might be human. “Oh my! A Moonlit picnic? Bonfire? Do you know how to start a fire? Cause I don’t. And strawberries??” Tasmyn was pretty shocked at how lovely the set up was, so she decided without any real evidence that this man must not really be human. No human could do something this lovely. In fact, it might be the nicest thing anyone had done for her in years. “This is all truly wonderful. Thank you, genuinely.” She told him, looking up to make eye contact with him and grinning. “And you went on train tracks for the berries! How marvelous!” She grabbed the container and immediately took the lid off, picking up one of the berries and putting it in her mouth. “MMmmm, you want one?” She asked, picking one up and offering it to him.

“You make it sound a lot more daring than it was,” Ulfric chuckled, “I knew the next train wasn’t coming through for at least an hour, they have these handy things called timetables they’ll just give you at the station.” He left out the part where his presence on the tracks did still technically count as trespassing. “But yes, I’ll bite,” the werewolf accepted Tasmyn’s offering, warmed by her excitement. The small red berry was tarter and earthier than the kind you’d find in a grocery store, but all tastier for it. “The complicated part is the assembly,” he surveyed the conical, balanced structure of the bonfire with pride. Digging a pit beneath it, finding stones to place around it to prevent the fire spreading as well the materials to build the actual fire had been physically demanding, but it had made for quite a peaceful afternoon on the cliffside with only his thoughts and the waves. He was glad someone appreciated the effort. “Lighting it is quite easy,” he pulled a book of matches from his coat, motioning towards the gap between the logs which exposed the kindling, before holding them out to her. “If you’d like to do the honors?”

“People always take the fun out of things. I’m sure it was a fun adventure even if the danger level was low.” Tasmyn replied, wondering suddenly if this man was a warden who lured her to her doom. People did say she would learn to be more careful online. The thought passed almost as quickly as it formed, as her eyes widened slightly at his comment. “You built this?” She had foolishly presumed that the structure was already there made for anyone who happened to be out here, but no - Ulfric had taken his time and come out here to build this. A soft blush crept over her face as she grabbed the matches from him. “Yes, absolutely.” She held the matches in her hand and made her way over to the bonfire pit. “Right here?” She asked to verify, then pulled a match out and struck it against the matchbook. She admired the flame for a moment before carefully placing the flame against the kindling, letting it light then dropping the matchstick into the fire. Almost immediately she reached her hands out to feel the warmth of the new flames.

Ulfric nodded encouragingly as the flame sparked to life. “Yes, like that. You should make a wish too, it’s the right time for it.” His eyes drifted out over the ocean and up towards the glowing main attraction that had brought them both there. “Waxing crescent moon; the phase for planting your intentions and desires so that they’ll grow over the next cycle.” He sighed and lowered himself onto the picnic blanket, and then onto his back with his arms crossed behind his head. Strategically, he’d taken up the position to shield his eyes from the bonfire’s light, so they wouldn’t reflect it back at her (Tasmyn seemed unfazed by the sordid history of Hanging Rock, but he wasn’t sure how she’d react if her companion suddenly looked possessed), but he found he was also surprisingly relaxed. It had been awhile since he’d spent time with someone who didn’t depend on or at least expect something from him, and as sacred as his duties were, it was a relief to shrug off some of that weight for a moment. “Do you know any constellations? That bright star just to the west of the moon is Canis Minor, the lesser dog.” Ulfric traced a line from the centre of the moon to the star with one finger so that she could follow. “And then all the way on the horizon its companion the great dog, Canis Major is leading all the stars in setting for the night.” He left out the propaganda about the celestial beasts supposedly belonging to hunters, so as not to spoil the mood.

“I didn’t know the moon phases had certain things you’re supposed to do with them.” Tasmyn said with some excitement in her voice. That sounded so fun, such a wonderful way to honor the nature of it all. After taking another moment by the flames, she made her way over to the blanket that was laid out and took up the spot next to Ulfric just in time for him to start pointing out constellations. Maybe she was lying down a bit too close, but she wanted to be able to see what he was pointing at - and she never was very good at giving people personal space. “I know a few, ones that were over the town I grew up in. This is maybe a silly question - but would they be the same ones above us now?” Sometimes Tasmyn was embarrassed at her lack of booksmarts, chalked it up to years of Spriggan-only education. But she was comfortable around Ulfric, comfortable enough to ask a potentially stupid question. “Canis Minor.” She repeated, her eyes following his hand as he traced out the star formation. “Wow. That’s such a beautiful story. I didn’t know they all had stories with them. How’d you learn so much about all of this?” Tasmyn heard the fire crack slightly and the noise startled her, her body tensed up and she looked over towards the flames. But it was nothing, the fire was just growing and the sparks were crackling as they do. After watching smoke start to form at the tip of the flames, she turned her attention back to her picnic buddy. “What else do you know about the sky?”

Ulfric held back a laugh in case she took it as a slight against her lack of knowledge in the subject, rather than just being amused at her earnest enthusiasm. “It’s not silly, they’re mostly the same in the northern hemisphere, it’s just their positions and the times that they appear that change.” It was thought that had brought him a lot of comfort when he’d first been forced to leave his home, that he could still look up and find the same bright point in the sky as his family members who remained. “I grew up in a small village where there was much to do but listen to old stories.” He answered in fond remembrance. “Well that, and fight with my siblings but that doesn’t impress people as much.” He noticed Tasmyn tense listened in for any sound of an intruder making their way up to the clifftop, but heard nothing but the waves, though the flames did seem to be burning brighter. “Well, not much that can be backed up scientifically, but where I grew up they used to say the moon is chased across the sky every night by a wolf called Hati, and the sun is chased during the day by another wolf named Sköll. Some even say if they ever catch up they’ll swallow the heavenly bodies whole and cause the end of the world, but, uh…” He shifted uncomfortably. “I’m sure that part was just added for dramatic effect.”

Tasmyn looked up longingly at the stars as he spoke. She liked that the stars she was seeing were likely the same as her parents and loved ones. She liked less that her not-so-loved ones were under the same stars, but she pushed those thoughts for the time being. “I grew up in a very small village too! We were quite isolated, only some people went into the other towns and it always sounded like a dangerous trek.” Naturally she left out the part that her village was Spriggan-Only. But that wasn’t necessary information. She didn’t want him to think she was a freak. Ulfric had a nice way of speaking, as he explained the story of the sky to her she felt like she could really see it all written out there in the stars. Spriggans in her colony were known to be creative in their truths and half-truths, but making up stories was never their strong suit. “Nothing wrong with a bit of dramatic effect. It makes it that much more…” She paused briefly, searching for the right word. “That much more interesting, that much more comforting.” Just then Tasmyn heard the fire crack again. She wasn’t startled this time, but she did look over towards the flames. At first she thought the smoke was just growing very rapidly, but then she saw… were those arms? Arms of smoke reaching out towards her. Quickly she stood up, taking several steps backwards away from the fire, almost tripping over a few rocks as she moved. “What! Why! Oh my god are the witches mad at us? For disturbing them? It’s okay witches! We aren’t here to disturb you.” Trying to reason with a smoke monster wasn’t her finest moment.

Ulfric was surprised at Tasmyn’s description of how she grew up. Human communities who live that kind of self-sufficient lifestyle were increasingly rare, what were the chances that two people from such similar situations would end up in the same small Northwestern town? The spirits of his ancestors must have had some hand in guiding them together, though he wasn’t sure if his efforts to protect the wolves of White Crest so far had been enough to warrant such a reward. He was about to gently argue that comforting maybe wasn’t the right word for a tale of Ragnarök when she suddenly jumped up. “What? What’s wrong?” He leapt up as well into a defensive stance, but could neither see nor hear any trace of what had her so startled. “If I did something to offend you, you can just—” He coughed to clear his throat, tasting smoke. Odd, since the breeze wasn’t blowing in their direction. “You can just leave.” Maybe she had caught a glimpse of the firelight bouncing off his eyes after all, since she seemed so scared and hadn’t been able to think of a better excuse to get away from him than ‘witch ghosts’. “I won’t stop you, and nothing’s—” His speech was interrupted with more coughing. “Nothing’s going to hurt you.”

Tasmyn was beyond confused about what was going on, and felt awful that he thought he had done something to offend her. “You’ve been lovely… it’s that thing that’s ruining things!” She exclaimed, pointing towards the cloud of smoke that was heading towards them. Tasmyn didn’t understand why Ulfric didn’t seem to see the increasingly growing smoke monster that had begun to form. To her, having never seen a creature like this before, that could only mean one thing. This thing was sent to kill her and that’s why she was the only one who could see it. “No! No! Stay away from him!” She yelled at the creature, hesitantly moving closer to it to try and grab it off him or shoo it away. But as her hands tried to make contact with it, they went right through. The creature seemed to dissipate then reform where her hand had gone through. “It’s not hurting me, it’s hurting you! Can’t you see it?? Stop breathing in it’s smoke!” Tasmyn picked up a few small rocks from the ground and threw them through the monster, but every time something went through it, it always just re-formed.

Ulfric tensed and pivoted in the direction that Tasmyn pointed, poised to fend off an attack, but none came, at least not in the form he was expecting. The taste of smoke on the air was getting stronger, and he soon found himself subjected to another coughing fit, all the while groping blindly around him whatever thing or creature had set her off, but his fingers slipped uselessly through the air. In all the coughing and flailing he lost his balance and failed to dodge one of the rocks she hurled at the invisible menace, which smacked him firmly in the temple. “Ow, hey! I don’t see anything, and I don’t think that’s helping!” He called out, rubbing the bruised area, though it came out considerably raspier, and less calm than he’d intended. The mention of smoke stood out to him though, as despite the relatively clean appearance the air around him appeared to all his other senses to be thick with it, a vile ashen sensation coating his mouth and nostrils and stinging his eyes. “Water cooler—With the basket,” he managed to splutter, “We’ll put it out.” If there was something wrong with the smoke their best bet would be to stop it at its source.

Admittedly the idea to throw rocks at a smoke monster wasn’t Tasmyn’s finest moment. But it had been all that she could think of at the moment. “I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed, immediately stopping what she was doing. Her breath became so heavy, she evidently had gotten too close to the smoke and breathed some in. She coughed heavily, then nodded at his suggestion. “Okay! Okay!” Tasmyn ran over to where the basket was and found the water cooler. Quickly she unscrewed the top of the cooler and made her way over to the fire, dumping the contents of the container onto the flames then stomped out the remaining hot coals. As soon as she felt confident the flames were out she turned back to see if the monster had in fact disappeared with the elimination of the fire. A sigh of relief passed through her lips as she saw that nothing was attacking Ulfric anymore. “I am so sorry,” she told him, small tears beginning to form in her eyes. “I don’t know what that thing was, but it had to have been here to get me. My god he must’ve found me…” She trailed off, looking around them to see if anything was out there in the woods near them. “This is all my fault.”

Much to Ulfric’s gratitude once the flames were thoroughly quenched the choking sensation dissipated, though he was left hunched over, humbled, and hacking his lungs out by the time it did. Not a position he was used to being in, but one he took advantage of to heap handfuls of soil onto the remains of the bonfire, to make sure any surviving embers were smothered. “I think it’s mine actually,” he managed to retort once his airways had become less obstructed. “This spot is reported to be cursed, but in my defence, I doubt there are many places in the world where something tragic or bloody hasn’t occurred at some point in history.” He covered his mouth and cleared his throat, and when he pulled it away in the moonlight he thought he could make out a dark smudge of ash. Even if he never saw what caused it, he couldn’t deny he’d felt something real. “What did you see anyway? Why would someone be after you?” He asked, finally registering what Tasmyn had said, eyes darting in every direction in anticipation of another threat.

Even though the monster had dissipated with the flames, Tasmyn still felt on edge. Could he be right? Was this just the work of the witchy spirits that had been brutally killed on this very cliff? She thought she had been careful in her last move. Stole a random name, took the passport, made her way to America as someone other than Tasmyn. Maybe witch ghosts was the reason they were attacked… but that didn’t explain why she was the only one who could see it. “No, no, the witches wouldn’t make only one of us see it.” She mumbled, without fully realizing she had said it outloud. “I-I should go… If he’s here, I can’t let him…” Tasmyn turned to run away from where they were, then she stopped herself briefly. She looked back and then picked up the container of strawberries that Ulfric had picked. Even though she had little proof, she was convinced that her husband was behind this attack. She turned again, this time actually running away. “I’m so sorry!” She shouted as she left. She had an awful pit in her stomach, feeling awful for getting him attacked and then running away, but it felt like the safest option? He had been so nice to her, she didn’t want to be the reason he got hurt.

#smoke on the water #ulfric #chatzy #chatzy:ulfric

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otomeonfleek · 6 years

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Imagine: If Voltage guys were Life-Hack College Students

No one asks for these wonderful shit pieces, but they tickle my fancy and I deliver unlike Digiorno. It’s also in honor of how I start uni again tmrw. Sup junior yr.

The following is based off of likely real events in being horrifically innovative as a poor college student.

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Shusei Hayakawa from Our Two Bedroom Story

1. Unplug everything when leaving the house

After an exhausting week of midterms, you and Shusei were due for a well-deserved date. You eagerly wait in front of his apartment door and faintly hear him clambering on the other side. Within seconds, the door slams open and he sends a sheepish smile. “(Y/N)!! You’re here!”

You suppress a laugh at how frazzled he seems with his light tresses sticking up in random directions and the stain on his favorite gray hoodie. Sometimes he could be a complete ditz and forget to get ready on time. “Hey! Are you ready to go?”

He nods with a bright smile and says, “Just give me a minute! You can step inside for now.” Stepping to the side, he lets you enter and starts to flit around the room.

Curious, you slip off your shoes and lean against the arm of his beat-up leather sofa.

The blonde starts to chatter mindlessly as he wrestles his arm into every nook and cranny of the room, casually pulling out electrical cords. From the TV to the toaster and AC, he unplugs every single power outlet without batting a lash. Even dangling his long legs above the back of the couch and his voice is muffled, likely from the blood rushing to his head, he’s still speaking to you normally as he seeks out the final plug.

He slides back and jumps to his feet, “Ah. We should get going now or we’ll be late for the lunch special.” Without missing a beat, he strides to the front door and slips on his worn converse.

“...Shusei...Why’d you unplug everything??” You can’t help, but ask.

Since arriving at his apartment, his then chipper mood dips a bit. “O-Oh that. It’s just a habit, I guess! My electric bill is never over $50 ahah.” Chuckling awkwardly, he opens the door with an embarrassed flush on his face.

Noting his drop in mood, you try, “Whoaa!! That’s amazing. You’ll have to teach me more, Master Shusei!” You joke and loop your arm in his.

A fond look takes over and he grins, “Oh, I don’t know if a pupil like you could keep up in the way of the frugal!!”

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Shintaro Ando from When Destiny Comes Knocking:

2. Steal from the rich and give to the poor

One of the best ways to get out and not spend money was taking evening walks. Both you and Shintaro made it a habit to explore nice neighborhoods and judge the houses. It sounded silly, but when you’re scrounging for every penny and dreaming off the high life, it wasn’t too horrid of a date idea. The areas were safe, pleasant to look at, and you weren’t spending a dime.

You often would end the evening in giggles as you pretended to envision the affairs that Margaret would take part in with her husband, Richard, away on business in Madrid.

“Poor Richard. He never saw it coming-with the gardener, nonetheless.” You mumble with faux sympathy as you and your bespectacled beau pass the gated, three-storied mansion with a gaudy outdoor fountain and cobble walkway.

Playing along, he chokes back a laugh and comments, “Well, Richard’s a moron! He should’ve known better. The peonies have been dying for weeks, so he should have known that gardener wasn’t doing no gardening!” His thick Kansai accent comes out to play as he exchanges jokes.

Doubling over in guffaws at the storyline, you are soon joined by your partner in crime as you hold onto another for support. “You’re not wrong-the peonies are shit.” You concur and then stop to admire the next house.

Momentarily mystified at his sudden silence and gaping mouth, you follow his line of vision and pause at the sight of an orange tree. This particular house does not have a gate and you can already hear him thinking.

“No. We can’t.” You state, stiffly.

Ignoring your reasoning, he spares you a blank look and asks, “Do you know how expensive produce is?” Without waiting for your answer, he steps forward with his suddenly beady eyes flitting around for any obvious security cameras.

From your still place, you hiss at him, “I said no!! What if we get caught?” Now paranoid, you similarly start to glance around with worry. Despite being incredibly competent in school as a Dean’s List student, he’s a complete idiot in other life aspects and will likely go to jail for orange theft, you note.

“This guy drives a Lexus!! I think he could stand to lose a few oranges. Besides I haven’t had real fruit in months!” He half-whispers to you as he starts to shamelessly pick off desired oranges from the tree and rest them in the pockets of his sweater.

Before you can argue, the light from that same house flickers on and you both scramble away in the direction of your parked Toyota.

You don’t bother to glance back to see if he’s close behind as you shout, “If we go to jail because you can’t spend $5 on fruit, I’ll kill you!!”

There’s a thump behind you and you can only hear him cry in anguish, “C-Crap, my oranges!!”

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Shohei Aiba from In Your Arms Tonight

3. Use your bathtub for laundry when you run out of spare change

After a fun day at Aiba’s neighborhood pool, you both trod into his apartment with intentions of changing. As students, it’s difficult to go out of your way or pay for a gym membership for exercise, and so his pool is heaven sent.

Despite your earlier enjoyment, you now are both miserably dripping with chlorine in your swimwear and holding uselessly saturated towels.

Being a gentleman of sorts, he insists you use the shower first. Taking his offer, you head into the single bathroom and are about to slip off your curve-hugging one piece when you halt in your tracks.

Sliding the glass shower doors open, you nearly lose your shit. “Shohei...” You call out weakly.

Footsteps approach and he knocks from the other side, baritone slightly concerned, “Is something wrong??”

You turn the knob and see him blush, likely expecting you to be nude or clad in a towel. His face loosens and he cocks his head at your still garment-clad appearance, “What’s up?”

Stepping aside, you gesture at the tub filled with laundry soaked in detergent and color-catcher sheets. “Is that what I think it is?”

His instantly blanches and trips over his on words, “A-AH, that is...! I-I... I kind of ran out of change for the laundry mat hahah.”

The earnest brunette groans as he covers his face in shame, collapsing to sit on the closed lid of his toilet seat, “Ugh, you probably think I’m some loser now...”

Yes, the fact that he’s using his bathtub as a makeshift laundry machine due to his shortage of change is slightly off-putting and clearly indicates a life struggle. On top of how comically defeated he looks while pouting on his toilet, you can see how he might think that.

However, you could never think so poorly of your own boyfriend. You fell for him because of how selfless, genuine, and awkwardly goofy he was.

You shake your head and deny him, “No way!”

He perks up at how sure you sound only to hunch over when you follow up with, “I already knew you were a loser!”

Smirking lightly at his groan, you sink to your knees beside the tub and suggest, “Well, we should probably start scrubbing and wringing them dry or your clothes will get ruined.”

His warm caramel irises comically water and he launches himself at you in a tight embrace. “I love you so much!!”

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Kishi Mamoru from Kissed By the Baddest Bidder

4. Make sure people Venmo you back

You were far from the type to automatically expect for your partner to pay for everything. In fact, you typically did half and half for the check. However, there were some times that truly grated on your nerves when it came to your slacker boyfriend and money.

At a rather pivotal turning point in the film, Mamoru leans over to complain, “I’m hungry.”

You suppress an eye roll at how only he would have the audacity to ignore such an engaging storyline in favor of his stomach. This is a horror film where one of the most beloved protagonists just got strangled by a ghost and he couldn’t care less. Sighing, you suggest, “Go get some popcorn or something then.”

He hums thoughtfully, “Do you want some too?”

“Huh? Yeah, sure...Go away now.” Throwing a hand up to simultaneously shut him up and shoo him, you jolt in your seat at the sudden jumpscare.

“AHH!” The entire movie theater sans Mamoru screams with a follow-up in delighted laughter at how admittedly obvious the scene was.

Your boyfriend sighs and slinks out of the seat to the refreshments stand.

When the movie is long over and you are both lazing around on his apartment couch, you do a double-take at what he says next.

With his battered iPhone 4 in his hand, he mumbles, “So when are you going to venmo me for the popcorn?”

Your (e/c) flit to him in shock and he shamelessly meets your stare. “W-Wait, what? That was your popcorn! I hardly ate any of it,” you protest.

Lazily, he cocks his head with a smirk and says, “So you admit you ate some of it. That will be $2.50 please.” He turns his phone and the cracked screen is pulled up to his venmo account.

For a tiny moment, you are impressed with how he managed to get a confession from you. Damn, maybe Mamoru really could be a detective. He could be sharp when he wanted. You glance at the old Apple model in his hands and mentally snicker at how the Criminal Justice major ironically doesn’t look as sharp.

Switching to reality, you sit up on the couch to fix him with a glare. “Mamo, you really want me to pay you back for $2.50 and for food that I barely ate?��

He shrugs his shoulders and there is just a hint of a grin tugging at his lips, “Every penny counts.”

Huffing, you pull out your phone and start to work on transferring the money. You ignore the victorious expression on his visage and practically feel his excitement at being paid.

Suddenly recalling a recent outing, you pull up the billing information on your bank account and turn to him with a chilling grin. “If it’s going to be like that, then, you owe me for that time I paid for KBBQ! With tip, that’s $27.13 please!” Sarcastically, you open your palm towards him and flex your fingertips in a lecherous way.

At once, the older junior pales and practically starts to sweat with his stormy-hued eyes darting side to side. Rubbing the back of his head, he coughs awkwardly. “I’ll tell you what, babe. You don’t have to pay me back anymore. I’ll take it out of what you owe me.” A sheepish expression takes over his face and you laugh, bumping shoulders with him at how silly worrying over every penny the other owes is.

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Nozomu Fuse from True Love, Sweet Lies

5. Use flashlights when the lights are broken

Deciding to stay the night at his house to study for an upcoming exam, you excuse yourself to use the bathroom. Your cheery partner only nods, promising to finish the next problem by the time you return. Sometimes statistics was hard, but having a secret genius like Nozomu helps.

You pad over to the toilet and flip on the switch. Pulling your leggings and panties down, you shriek when the lights suddenly flicker off. Left in the dark and in distress, you call out for your boyfriend whose footsteps you can already hear clambering up the steps.

“(Y/N)!! Are you okay?? I’m coming in!” The door knob turns and you shut your legs for decency’s sake.

There is a short second before the sudden glare of his Samsung smartphone’s light momentarily blinds you.

You cover your eyes and demand, “What the hell?? Is there a blackout or something? Why are the lights out?”

Nozomu places his phone down on the flat of the sink counter with the light better helping than blinding you. He starts to chuckle with a slight nervous edge in his voice as he explains, “A-Ah, well...There’s no blackout. The bathroom light’s just kind of broken.”

“...Well, why don’t you fix it?” The solution to his issues is so obvious, you note while trying to ignore how ridiculous you feel sitting on his toilet with your garments wrapped against your ankles.

He doubles over in awkward giggles that sound worriedly stressed before admitting, “Ahah, I don’t have any money for that...yet!”

With his face nearly twitching at how desperately he’s trying to convince you and himself that finances aren’t ruining him, he reaches into a drawer and fishes an emergency light. “In the meantime, you can use this flashlight! It’s more powerful than any phone light and waaay more peaceful than having all these blaring ceiling lights everywhere! Yup, this is fine!” He turns it on and positions it vertically so the beam is shining across the ceiling.

Shooting you a final smile with a pained edge, he exits the room with his smartphone in hand and carefully shuts the door.

After a few moments, you feel your face fall again in noticing the lack of toilet paper. Your memory wanders to his kitchen and the stack of Starbucks napkins you saw earlier.

You need to help this man.

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Toma Kiriya from Irresistable Mistakes

6. Use cafe wifi when your internet’s down

You were walking to your dorm after a late-night gym session when you noticed Toma standing in front of your campus Starbucks with an employee. The brunette with a notorious attitude problem was clutching his laptop case in one hand and in the other holding a water cup.

As you got closer, you could hear what was being exchanged and felt your soul leaving its body.

“Sir, I told you that we’re going to have to ask you to leave.” The barista in the infamous green apron states calmly, an exhausted expression apparent on their face from working hectic shifts with lunatics like your boyfriend as clientele.

Accordingly, the accounting major huffs and strikes a defiant pose. His chin juts up and his eyes steel, “I already told you that I bought something! Why can’t I stay??” He raises his drink as if it will automatically save him from this argument.

The other college student’s visage turns blank as they state, “...Sir, you only bought a water cup. Second, I told you that it’s already closing time.” With frustrating wavering through, the employee glances down at their smartwatch for emphasis.

“Listen buddy, my internet’s been down this whole week. I need just fifteen more minutes of wifi to finish my essay on microeconomic theory and I know that the modem is too far to connect when I’m sitting out here! So for the love of all that is caffeinated, please let me stay!!” Toma’s cold attitude is suddenly overshadowed by his clear desperation as he pleads.

Sighing, the worker asks with a slightly bored look, “How long have you been awake?”

“Thirty-two hours, but who’s counting?” Your boyfriend rubs at his eyes blearily, the typical flannel of his whipping around him as the air outside grows colder.

Budging with sudden empathy for his fellow university student, the barista stands aside and props the door open. “Fine, you can stay...Some of us wanted to finish some assignments anyway and the internet in the library is shit.”

Before the hopeful swimmer/accounting major can enter, you decide to finally jog up to them. “Wait!! I’ll take him. This is my boyfriend and I can worry about him from here! Thank you!” You wrap your hands around his arm and gently tug him away from the somewhat relieved coffee-worker.

In a confused and exhausted stupor, the male groans, “(Y-N), how the hell did you get here? I almost got in and you ruined it!”

Rolling your eyes, you explain, “Sweetie, don’t bother the nice Starbucks employees. They want to go home too.”

With his arm in yours, you steer him towards your dorm building. He teeters a bit from the lack of sleep and screeches to a halt, “But my essay!” From yourself to the earlier horrified baristas, it is clear to all that Toma takes his studies seriously to the point of forgoing his shame and health.

Observing the dark blotches underneath his eyes and his heavily wrinkled garments, you say, “I think you should eat properly first. I made some soup...And there’s internet at my dorm.”

When his fatigued orbs lighten and he leans more towards you with his laptop case in tow, you know that he’ll be fine.

---------------------------

Kenzo Yasukawa from After School Affairs

7. Use all forms of payment

With midterms finally over, you and your boyfriend decide to visit the mall to celebrate. Walking hand-in-hand, you air out your grievances over how one of your professors grade when Kenzo abruptly starts walking faster.

In his towering height, he manages to tug you with ease towards a nearby gamestore. His breathing is suddenly irregular as he presses his free hand against the business’s glass, amber optics locked on a particular ninja and robot-themed poster.

“I can’t believe it released today. I have to get it.” He’s practically talking to himself as he marches into the store, you trailing behind in slight bewilderment.

Making a bee-line to the wall of feudal Japan and mecha-accented items, his hand darts out to snatch a game off the shelve. As if suddenly remembering your presence and ongoing date, the blonde grins sheepishly. “Aww sorry, I’ve been waiting for Robot Ninjas 3 forever!”

The game title makes you cringe, but you only nod in understanding. As his partner, you accept his peculiar tastes.

After a brief wait in line, he steps up to pay with you at his side. Exchanging cordial pleasantries with the cashier, the aspiring pre-medical student fishes out his wallet and starts to produce various forms of payment. He places a random stack of dollar bills on the counter, then slides out his cards.

Without missing a beat, he shoots a cheery smile with closed eyes and asks, “Is it okay if I pay $16 in cash, do $30 on debit, and pay the rest from my credit card?”

You feel your heart hammer in your chest for your boyfriend and want to help him pay, but know that he wouldn’t want that. Suppressing your urge to pay, you force yourself to watch what happens next.

When the employee hesitates, Kenzo’s eyes flutter open and seem strained as he explains in a low voice, “I’m sorry, but I’m dirt poor right now because I just bought a $150 MCAT prep book and have been waiting for this game for years.” The normal liveliness and peace in his amber stare dies out and his mouth twitches.

You nearly lose it when the cashier suddenly nods and says, “Dude, same. I got you.” Then, he proceeds to enter in the different payments into the POS system before seeing you off warmly as you both leave.

Turning to your boyfriend, you peck him on the cheek and say, “Why don’t we go back to the apartment so you can play and I’ll order us some pizza?” You casually include your offer of getting dinner.

His eyes crinkle with joy and he wraps his arm around your shoulder to press a kiss against your forehead, “I’ll go easy on you for one round then.”

#voltage inc #love 365 #toma kiriya #mamoru kishi #Our Two Bedroom Story #when destiny comes knocking #In Your Arms Tonight #Nozomu Fuse #Irresistible mistakes #After School Affairs #kissed by the baddest bidder #imagine #shohei aiba #voltage games #voltage otome

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gunmetaltesla · 6 years

Text

|| I Think You’ll Understand ||

The day starts like the previous ten have, with me waking up at around eleven-like a lazy, posh house cat content to satisfy nothing but her own urges-to the cold, bright light of a winter sun streaming through the window across from my bed. I squint against the light and begrudge wakefulness, taking me away from the pleasant dreamscape free of taunts and jibes and blessedly, tantalizingly replete of stolen kisses in the stacks of the library after hours, foggy lunchtime conversations on the front steps, and breathy laughter over textbooks and notes in an otherwise quiet dormitory (the window of which articulates just how long ago we should've gone to bed). Shaking my head free of these images, lest they occupy my entire day. I'm no doubt expected to socialize with the endless stream of people that visit this time of year-"come-a-callin'", as our wonderfully Scottish maid Trudy would say, clucking around my room like an industrious hen once she's heard signs of life-but I can't seem to force my warm feet to hit chilly floorboard. Instead, I content myself with a bit of a lounge. She'll no doubt come to inspect what she expects to be my luxuriating corpse-finally giving into the boring, torturous monotony of the holidays-but for now, I'm just fine burrowing under the down blankets for a minute and surveying my kingdom.

I can't help but think you'd like my room. Without even knowing you all that well, and thus possessing a similarly foreign quality myself for you, I think you would look around the space and tell me, in that calm, warm tone of yours, that it suits me. The combination of royal blue painted and bare brick walls-my mother, after all, a huge proponent of recognizing and embracing the infrastructural brilliance of an old house-dark hardwood floors, worn Turkish rug and cozy bed awash in creams, ivories, and greys. Books, books, books, on every available surface. And two floor-to-ceiling casement windows that overlook the back garden in which I can hear my parents good-naturedly bickering over, I think, turnips. It's quiet, warm, and domestic. Not typically words associated with me-quite the opposite in fact-but still fitting in this scene. I've just stretched from fingertips to toes when there's an alert noise from my phone where it sits on a black lacquer bureau opposite my bed. I get up on all fours, still burritoed in blankets, to see if I can read the screen. And I can just make out a shape that I think, or rather hope, forms your name. I'm tumbling out of bed, tangled legs betraying me and causing an undignified thump and sprawl onto the floor. I right myself and pick up my phone, my face already forming the smile that has become characteristic when talking to you.

Morning. I heard this song this morning when I was helping my mom make breakfast, and I thought of you. I think you'll like it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MH-UmYkXiM

I immediately switch my phone to Bluetooth, and the song's plucky, but somehow smooth and wild, guitar comes strumming through the speakers I've stationed throughout the room. That's another thing I think you'd like-you seem like the kind of person that would appreciate good audio.

I do like it, I reply once the video ends, a big smile across my face and a dreamy look in my eyes, thank you for sending it to me.

You're welcome. Any plans tonight?

Oh. That's right, I think with a groan as I walk back over to my bed-phone in hand-and burrow back beneath the blankets in retreat. Tonight is New Year's Eve.

No, but that doesn't mean I won't be do anything.

I don't look happy. Well, truthfully you wouldn't know, but the wording of that text looks somehow "off". After nearly incessant conversation over the break, you've become quiet adept and the tone and meter of my text conversation. Oddly enough, you've never met anyone else-apart from you-that texts how they speak. You shouldn't have been surprised, given all my other quirks. The thought of it still makes you smile.

Trapped in family commitments?

A long time before the dreaded typing ellipsis and then ping.

Something like that. My sister, convinced that I need to let loose-I think she forgets that I'm ten years her junior, the fruitcake-stormed into my room two days ago and all but demanded that I get secretly drunk with her at the party tonight.

You have no idea how to respond to this, because you're feeling a cocktail of sensations yourself. Curiosity, as to how I might be different under the influence. Surprise at the fact that I might indulge in the first place. Titillation-yep, I said it-at the idea of a less rigid, weaker-walled me. And jealousy, which catches you by surprise, when you remember the last of the New Year's traditions. It's then that you also realize that you never asked if I…you don't know if I'm attached. You aren't, but you suddenly find a desperate desire within yourself to know if I am or why I'm not or whether I'd like to be. Another ping.

I'd rather be spending time with you.

You smile at the phone, cradling it in both hands like a treasure. You decide to have a little fun and get your answers at the same time.

So…drinking with your sister at a family get-together. Sounds like a good time. No plans otherwise? No budding romance to kindle as the fire crackles? No one to meet under the mistletoe?

That's Christmas.

I know, you goober. I just meant…nevermind.

I will not be kissing anyone as the bell tolls, if that's what you're asking.

You can practically hear my eyes rolling at the concept, and that makes you chuckle. You're typing out a witty retort when your younger sister walks in.

"So, who is this guy? Your "friend from school". You've been glued to that phone since you got home."

"I never said it was a guy." It's out of your mouth-which is now hanging open in surprise at yourself-before you can stop it. A bullet, speeding toward fragile flesh.

"Oh. Okay. Cool. Mom says lunch is ready." And that was it. You'd expected further questions, deeper investigation, but nothing. Casual interest. Hmm. Maybe it wouldn't…ping.

What about you?

You reply, detailing your own plans of meeting up at a friend's house for a party of your old schoolmates. How everyone is getting all dressed up like it's some swanky affair. There's an ellipsis…then nothing…then another ellipsis…then nothing again.

You're now being summoned to the kitchen in earnest by shouting siblings, so you leave your phone on the bed. All through lunch, you catch yourself straining for any digital noise coming from your bedroom. You must have made a face, because your sister catches you listening and says, "I'm sure she'll text you back."

"Who?" ask you mother and brother simultaneously.

"Her friend from school" is all your sister answers. Something like a secret builds up between you, but it's fond and loving and conspiratorial in the way that only sisters share, so you let it slide. Besides, she's always seen more than she lets on. She's an observant one, your little sister. You're clearing the table with your second brother when you hear it. The ping.

"Told you", comes teasingly from the kitchen. You hand off your portion of the dishes and dash to your room, shutting the door behind you. Three texts, in rapid fire, arrived.

I'd love to see what you're wearing. I'm sure you'll look beautiful all dressed up. Not that you wouldn't if you were dressed casual. I'm sure you would. Might. Could. Do. I'm dressing up, too, if you were curious. It seems the occasion commands it.

You chuckle, low and soft, and carefully type out your response, hitting send before your brain can think better of it.

Well then. If I show you mine, will you show me yours?

That's the closest thing either of us have said that's close to flirting. You're not even sure if it is-if that's what you meant it to be. Playful, yes. Obviously. But flirtatious? Maybe. You might have made a mistake, but only time-and texts-will tell.

Suddenly the party-and the preparation for it-had higher stakes. You felt the delicious tension of attraction purr in your chest, the heated need for physical touch. You've always experienced this, even before sexual activity was even a possibility. You've always craved contact from people, but sexual awakening had only heightened it. And now that you're…well let's just say you need to do something. Be with people. Feel the push and pull of flirtation, the rush of kissing, the release of anything that comes afterward. You want to look your best, but for whom? It's not as if…well. Time to plan.

Leave it to you to find the perfect dress at the very last moment. You were rummaging through your mother's closet, and there it was-a white gold sequined mini number with ¾ sleeves and a low-dipping back. All you needed now was-yes! A pair of nude heels left over from a formal at your old school. You laid everything out and, satisfied with the outfit, set about getting ready for the night.

You kept glancing at your phone throughout the process, having not heard from me in several hours. You figured I was deep into the entertaining-I'd told you about how many different "parties" and gatherings my family holds over the holiday season (that's what I get for a politically active mother and socially and philanthropically active father)-so you didn't precisely question the silence. You didn't like it, either, but that's another issue. You're just finishing up your makeup-simple and bronzy, just your style-when a text tone interrupts your thoughts.

I don't want to show you.

You frown a little, gold eyeliner still dangling from your hand, and reply with a simple ?

"Mine". I don't want to show you. You'll think it's silly.

I won't.

You're sure.

Yes.

And you were. But you waited…and you laughed a little when you realized that I was following your text to the letter and waiting until you'd shown me your getup before revealing my own.

Give me a minute-I'm just finishing up.

A few minutes later, satisfied with your appearance via a thorough check in the full-length mirror of your room, you managed a shot.

You look…

You feared the worst. That somehow what looked nice, and festive as hell, in your head didn't actually translate aloud.

You look like the first sparkler I ever held.

And somehow, without knowing me in childhood-really without knowing me now-you knew that was a high compliment and blushed at its sight.

Thank you. That's…I know that's a very nice thing to say. But enough about me…

And you waited…and waited…and waited…till finally a ping. And all you saw was a brilliance of sparkling emerald green, miles of pale skin, and a small, knowing smirk beneath a quizzical brow.

I felt foolish, posing like I was. I'd staged everything. Hell, if I commit to something, I do so to the fullest. I'd grabbed a tripod from my mother's home studio, set on the timer, and taken practice shots. I wanted it…I needed it to look well. I wanted to impress you, even if I didn't quite know why. Still, I did it. And I managed to get a shot I felt alright about-the rest I hated. It was now or never, and so I sent the thing before I could fake an excuse and bluster some lie of it not turning out.

It's a costume party.

I hit the send arrow and waited, the wig cap feeling tighter and hotter than it had moments ago, the silky fabric rough on my anxious skin. The sequins, which sparkled and winked playfully like they were meant to, instead cast glares and were just too bright for me. I'd made a horrible mistake. I'd gone too far. Who wants to go to this stupid…who should celebrate this useless…oh what's the point! I was reaching to yank off the wig and tell Trudy to tell my family I was sick when my phone went off.

Holy shit! You look just like her. Please tell me there's no Gene Kelly waiting for you at the party.

I grinned ear to ear, the angry red of my skin transforming into a blush of flattery. Not only did you know who the costume was meant to represent-I mean for God's sake I'd spent a week making it (Trudy helping with the sequins)-but you also told me…you implied that I…how I could ever be as appealing as Cyd Charisse is beyond me.

No. Nor is there a scar-pocked man thrusting a diamond cuff beneath my snout to lure me away…

Well you look incredible.

So do you. I wish…well, Happy New Year!

Talk to you soon.

And that was all it had been. Nothing out of the ordinary, other than a video of me and a young woman you assumed was my sister, singing "Honky Tonk Woman" into the camera at the tops of our lungs, drunkenly and off-key enough to make you nearly splutter coffee all over your book when it arrived.

We'd gone back to normal conversation after that. You never told me what happened to you when you rang in the new year, but it wasn't out of deception.

It was a face-to-face conversation, and you were only a couple of hours away.

Are you on the train yet? You smiled.

Impatient to see me?

Yes.

Good.

Good. Talk to you soon.

The emphatic tone of that one-word reply was all the hope you needed. Maybe, if you were lucky, I'd had a similarly transformative-or at least eye-opening experience-myself over the holidays. You wondered if you'd made any appearance in my dreams the way yours had been flecked with green sequins and set on vivid soundstages, awash in color and life and music.

The train ride itself had been relatively uneventful. You listened to the playlist we'd made together-a collaboration of such delightful weirdness that it actually made a cohesive unit of 75 tracks-and chatted with friends who join the growing throng of co-eds as the vehicle neared its academic destination. And as the train slowed, you sat up straight-afflicted with a sudden doubt. What if it was in your head? What if it was good on paper-or on screen, I guess-but had nothing, no juice, in real-time?

Well. There was one way to find out.

The train came to a stop, and students began flooding the white landscape like a school of fish breaking rank. You, hating the hustle and bump of the crowd, waited on the train for a few minutes until the rush died down. And when you got off the train, face grimacing at the sudden gust of ice-cold wind, you saw a familiar form walking toward you-curls whipping around an eager, pale face that sported a brilliant, elated grin.

We met each other breathlessly, nervous exhales dancing and mingling in a rapidly cooling fog between us.

"Hi", I managed a little weakly.

"Hi", you replied, thinking your face would split from its smile.

"How was the-"my question was interrupted by the perfectly-timed Flanagan, shouting at you to hustle to the fieldhouse for a team meeting.

You looked up at me-had I gotten taller in the three weeks of break? -and your smile faltered. It seemed to me, to us both, that you were on the verge of saying something. You settled instead for squeezing my hand-frigid because I wasn't wearing gloves beneath my black peacoat. The gesture was, no doubt, meant as a balm. As a silent apology or a physical ellipsis, promising further discussion. It was witnessed, however, by Flanagan.

"Quit dykin' around with the know-it-all and hustle."

You felt me go rigid right before I yanked my hand from yours, mumbled something about needing to check in at the stacks, turned on my heel and stalked away. You called after me, but I just jammed my headphones into my ears and sped up.

Fucking Flanagan. She'd made my life a nuisance since she came to school three years ago. How she'd managed to keep her grades up enough to remain here was a perpetual mystery, but it wasn't one I was too keen on solving. She wasn't worth the time.

Remember how I said that I was so used to jibes and insults that they barely even registered anymore? Well this one-it landed. Like a meteor.

I was used to it. That isn't a lie; I'd never been popular, and I did nothing to remedy that. But you…with your warm smile and easy conversation, strong presence and confident stride. Over the fall term you'd become the second year's golden girl-a star on the pitch and in the lab. You could do no wrong. Except, of course, if you were seen hanging around me. And I didn't want that for you. What to do-how to solve the problem and still get to see you (because I selfishly wanted that so badly I could hear it in my blood)-stomped around my brain for the next two days. Until Tuesday, when I knew I would see you again. You texted me several times later that day, and on Monday, but I never replied. Better to start distancing myself now than risk further…heartache? Is that really what it was? When did I become so…romantic?

I was just falling asleep on Monday night, dreading the awkwardness of the next day, when my phone went off with a text.

I don't know what else to say. Flanagan's a dick. Maybe Ms. Lee can help me out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kI0dBvg-qw

The beginning of the song crooned through my phone's speakers, and I smiled. And then I laughed.

Maybe Tuesday wouldn't be so bad.

I saw you the next day, in a place other than the library. That had only happened twice-once at the end of the last term, and the other at the train station the day before winter term began. You were walking out of the dining hall, hair still damp and face still scrubbed red from your shower after morning practice. You looked so alive. Radiant with life and laughter and the vitality of the young. And you were arm in arm with a boy I vaguely recognized as a player for lacrosse team whose name I thought was Eli.

My gut went cold, but I was not ready for that. I wasn't prepared for the force of jealousy now coursing its way through my entire body, making my blood feel like boiling metal. My appetite had completely disappeared. I simply clenched my jaw and turned around toward the direction of my first class of the day. Middle English-something that normally held my full attention-but I could already tell my focus would not be on Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

The classes came and went, my mind completely unfocused on notes or readings or conversational French. I barely lifted my pen to paper over the course of the day so that, by the time I plopped dejectedly down into my chair behind the desk at the library, I just wanted the day to be over and done. Fortunately, I had some things to occupy me for my shift-organizational tasks always comforted me. As I've said before, the system was my friend.

"Long time no see".

I closed my eyes against the joy I felt at your voice. Against the surge of relief at you coming to see me.

"Yes."

I didn't risk looking at you. There was no use in both of us knowing how deep my wounds had gone.

"I thought I saw you coming toward the dining hall this morning, but then…I waved, but you'd already turned around". Your voice sounded curious, apologetic, and concerned.

"Yes, well. I was almost there when I lost my appetite." I couldn't mask the venom that time.

The silence across the desk, coupled with a chill in the air you could almost feel, made me look up at you. And the expression in your face mirrored the one etched on my memory from finals week-which felt like a century from now-when you'd brought me coffee.

"Oh. Well, I just…I mean I thought…I kind of wanted to talk to you about something. Do you have time after your shift today? We could meet after dinner, or something, if you want and talk about some th- "

"We're late. Come on." From the wretched Eli, to whom I shot enough daggers with my eyes to make him blanch (in which I took monumental and petty satisfaction). That is, until he grabbed your hand and started tugging you in the direction of the study group.

I decided to be the bigger person and acquiesce.

"After dinner. Tonight."

"My rooms?" you offered, the hope and honesty in your voice making me nauseous with guilt at my behavior to the point that all I could manage was a nod in confirmation before you left the desk and joined the others.

Two hours later, my shift nearly finished but my relief arriving for hers early, I took a few extra minutes to return some of the more precious tomes by hand. And one, a text on marine anatomy, brought me within two shelves of your study group. Something like curiosity-morbid though it may have been-made me stay and lurk in the shadows between shelves, watching you among the other athletes. You weren't studying, you were relaxed back in your chair which was leaned on its rear legs as yours were propped up on the table around which you all sat. You were laughing at something someone had said, and my heart soared (as it always does) at the sound. Then, it increased at something Eli said and you leaned your forehead onto his shoulder as the two of you shook in laughter. I was suddenly desperate to be anywhere but where I was, stuck between the world I knew and the one to which I'd never belong. I was in such a panicked rush that the book I was returning to its place wobbled off its shelf and, with a very loud thunk, fell to the ground.

I froze where I was, white with mortification and fearing detection. Chanting to myself that I was invisible and the people around me were deaf, my peripheral vision took note of someone rising from the table to find out what caused the noise.

"Fancy meeting you here", you said with a little sarcasm but, still beneath it, your characteristic warmth.

"I wasn't eavesdropping." Blurted, vomited right out of my mouth.

"No one said you were. You do, after all, work here." I heard rather than saw the smile in your voice.

"Yes. True. Well. I should be going."

In the time it had taken for our conversation to start and for me to desperately try to escape, two more people had gotten up from the table-no doubt to discover the identity of the mysterious interloper. My two least favorite people in the walking world.

"Oh, it's you" moaned Eli with a dramatic sigh and a dismissive whip of his hand.

"Shouldn't you be sitting at your little desk with Patricia Highsmith and Gertrude Stein?" growled Flanagan, her face already contorted with malice I hadn't earned…yet.

You braced for the impact of these insults on my behalf, stuck as you were between myself and the other two. You looked as if you were going to come to my defense, but I didn't give you the chance.

"Sadly, misses Highsmith and Stein aren't available. Maybe I should just have a chat with your dear, sweet, so very secret Megan instead?"

I still don't know what made me say it. I shouldn't open my mouth when I'm upset; it always gets me into the worst kinds of trouble. You know this-now. Then, though, I don't think you could've stopped me. No more than you could've anticipated or stopped Flanagan's open hand reaching past you to meet my face with such force that the class ring on it scratched my cheek enough to draw blood.

The air was dense with tension, silence, and surprise.

"Are you okay?" you asked quietly, heedless of the heaving Flanagan and the confused Eli. You even reached toward me, but I took a step back.

"Don't…she's socially radioactive", he said, his face forming a cruel sneer.

"I- "

"He's right', I said, righting myself, 'don't worry about it. I'm fine. I always am. It was…it's been nice knowing you" I managed a halfhearted shrug, but I could feel the tears and bile building in my throat.

You were speechless, and you looked like someone had struck you. Flanagan's chest was still heaving and her face was the color of a ripe raspberry. Eli was just leaning against the nearest shelves like a triumphant peacock.

"Talk to you soon", I said with a bitter laugh, the sound of it-and the reference in my words, and their sarcastic finality-made you flinch.

I walked past you, went to my desk to grab my things and practically ran from the library. My friends. My sanctum sanctorum, now reduced to rubble.

I made it to my rooms before I let one tear fall, but they didn't stop.

You didn't move from your spot between the shelves until the other two had left. Flanagan had muttered something about leaving something in the fieldhouse and stomped away; Eli's boyfriend Jacob had come to retrieve him. And you just stood there, dumb to everything except two things: one, that you'd watched me get hurt and done nothing (despite really wanting to) and two, that you didn't care whether I was radioactive-that you'd risk the poison if it meant getting to see me read Italian or look at me dressed like Cyd Charisse.

You finally moved and made it to dinner, eyes searching the hall for me all the while. I wasn't there.

You left the hall and went back to your rooms. The door was still open in invitation when you fell asleep.

You woke up in the middle of the night, suddenly like someone had disturbed you. The room was dark, your roommate Chloe's gentle snores the only sound. You were trying to figure out what had woken you when-

Ping. From two minutes ago. That's what had done it. A text from me. Just a link and four words.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBxAdoTOnuM I'm sorry. The steps.

You grabbed your overcoat and your purple beanie, jammed your headphones into your ears, and took off running into the night.

2:54

I couldn't believe I done it. My face scrunched up at my foolishness, my lovesick nonsense-the shit that only happens in stories-but winced at the tug I felt from the scratch on my cheek. I'd been standing here in the cold for fifteen minutes before I'd even sent the text, and now for ten as I waited on the steps. Late night snow was starting to fall.

I had almost-nearly-basically given up when I heard distant footsteps in the dark.

A form started to take shape. A girl. An athlete. A familiar purple beanie.

I thought I was going to faint.

You took full form, and slowed down as you came to the bottom of the steps. You didn't ascend, letting me dictate the terms.

"HI", you said breathlessly, your chest still heaving from your cross-campus sprint. Your coat was open, revealing your sleeping sweats beneath.

"Hi", I returned, a smile threatening at the corner of mouth at the fact that you'd come. And you'd come like that-as soon as you-

"I came as soon as I could. I was…I waited for you to come."

"I know."

"I left my door open."

"Chloe must've been so confused."

Spurred on by the casual tone of the conversation, you put one foot on the steps to come up, "Listen…."

I held up a hand to halt you.

"No. I…I'm sorry about earlier. I'm not good…I'm not good at people." I rolled my shoulders in awkwardness, but my hands remained in my pockets, making me look like an irritated penguin.

And you laughed. That glorious sound that felt like sun breaking through the clouds.

"It's okay that you're crap at people." You took two steps upwards. I didn't stop you.

"It is?"

"Yes", you said happily, taking three more steps. Only two left.

"Why is that? You heard Eli…I'm radioactive. You saw Flanagan-I'm…why is that okay?"

"Because it is. You're not good at other people. You just have to…" you took the final two steps, level with me and then the final leap.

You reached up, lightly touching one chilled tan hand to my cold pink cheek, you brought your face close to mine and I took a surprised breath. That was all the indication you needed.

You pressed your lips softly to mine, the contact sending sparks and ice and fire and honey all over, inside, atop my mouth. I gasped into your mouth, and you smiled against my lips.

"I just have to what?" I finally asked moments-or years or seconds or decades-later, my eyes still closed long after the kiss had ended.

"You just have to be good at me. And I have a distinct feeling', you said as you took my hand in yours and gave it a reassuring squeeze, 'that you're a natural."

We walked down the steps and across the dark campus, holding hands all the while. You stopped every once in a while to brush snow from my hair, and I paused to let you. We meandered down to the crew lake as the sun was breaking the horizon, and I watched it rise in your eyes and turn your hair burnished gold while you watched the warm peach light settle around my paleness like a blooming rose. We were sitting on the dock, freezing but unbothered by it, when my stomach rumbled.

"Breakfast?" you asked.

"Yes. I need to shower, though. Meet you there?"

"Definitely". We got up and walked back through campus, you escorting me to my dormitory's entrance like a gentleman. The chivalrous nature of this didn't escape me, just so you know. I know you're just as much a romantic sap as I am, and to this day I am grateful.

We kissed quickly and I left you. You stood outside the building, relishing this new day and its possibilities. You put your headphones on and hit the link again, starting the song over once more. As the chorus was arcing upwards, it dimmed to allow the text tone to come through.

Talk to you soon.

You smiled and walked in the direction of your rooms. You knew it was true. It was true now and always would be.

#how we met #i wrote this for you #my words #girls loving girls #second pass #books #boarding school

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berniesrevolution · 7 years

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THE OUTLINE

by Emmett Rensin

On Sunday, the 2017 convention of the Democratic Socialists of America came to a close in Chicago with the singing of the Internationale. The group of some thousand delegates and journalists and alternates and observers were not the same people who had arrived four nights earlier, hoping to meet and drink and “do socialism,” whatever that meant to them then.

I can confess that I came to the convention expecting to be disappointed. I’m not cynical, but I’m a pessimist, by impulse and by training. I expected at best to see a juvenile party, at worst a madhouse descending into bitter mutual recrimination. What I found instead was not perfect, but it was something that has broken, for the moment, my pessimism’s long winning streak. For a moment, the desire for a better world that has lately taken up residence in the ambitions of more and more of us, the impulse to act in service of that better world that has so far largely been a vague and often angry shout into the ether of an indifferent polity, the urgency with which these desires and impulses have been felt despite their existence in largely incorporeal formats, all of these things congealed, at least briefly, in a real room in a real city, where people could see each other’s faces and hear each other’s voices and feel, perhaps for the first time, that their hopes were a solid, breathing thing in the world. If nothing else had come of this convention, that alone might be enough to keep us going for a while.

But more did come of the convention. The DSA has made its first substantial grasps toward a vision of itself that can win. Its politics, from the endorsement of the Boycott, Divest, Sanctions movement, to its electoral and labor and emancipation priorities, are far more radical than those the organization adopted just two years ago. The newly elected National Political Council is, in large part, the most ambitious that the DSA has ever seen. Despite several contentious votes, the convention saw its dues, its organizational structure, and its internal policy procedures begin to pivot toward the degree of seriousness required to build a movement that lasts longer than an election cycle or a fad. Even where the proceedings became tedious, or a vote came out contrary to what I thought would have been wiser, or the procedural machinations descended into the inevitably parody of any unruly body operating under Robert’s Rules of Order, the very fact of a real and at times contested display of political organizing will help transition what has for many been a largely online tendency into a real task worth dedicating a life to.

No matter what comes of the DSA, many of its members will join with the many unionists and activists and organizers who have already spent their lives working in thousand different groups and causes for the dignity and sustenance of all people. The convention was messy, as messy and fun as it should have been, but I am not kidding when I say that events began with the reading of a budget report. And there’s value in a little tedium. It’s cold water for how much thankless drudgery this fight is going to take.

Still, my pessimism creeps around the edges. There is the superficial worry, of course. Even a day out, how terribly silly it feels to have been rapturous about scarcely a thousand people attempting to conduct politics in a drafty room, how troubling it is that the desire not to feel silly and earnest still dominates so much of the culture that the DSA is growing in — in two years, will they come back, or was it just about the novelty of meeting some faces you follow on Twitter?

But I have deeper worries, too. I can imagine that the rapture is justified, that the commitment of the delegates in Chicago and their chapters back home is deep and total, that in the coming years the DSA will only grow, gaining millions of members and a real weight in American politics. But then — so what? How rapturous did Eugene Debs feel in 1912 when he got one million votes for president from prison? Did his supporters believe that 1916 would bring them victory? That year, Debs ran for a lowly Congressional seat in his native Indiana and he lost.

THE ONLY CHOICE IS TO BELIEVE THAT CHANGE MIGHT BE POSSIBLE THIS TIME.

(Continue Reading)

#politics #the left #DSA #Democratic Socialists of America #DSACon2017 #democratic socialism #socialism #progressive #progressive movement #history

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justbeingbrookee · 7 years

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I JUST WANT TO DO IT PT.11

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10]

Can also read on AO3

Word count: 14,579

So, I have realised I can't even trust myself to give a spoiler to a story because I change my mind a lot. This is the FINAL chapter of the story. It is the longest chapter I have ever done. I had a lot of fun writing this, I hope you enjoy.

Warning: Graphic sexual content.

----------------------------------------------------

[The next morning]

The sun rises from left side of your bed every morning. Most days it doesn’t mean much to you, most days it’s just a sign that sleep is over and it’s time to get up for work. But today you are awake just before it rises past your or should you say Jimin’s window. The birds chirping woke you up but you just laid there listening to their little voices from afar and to Jimin’s breathing up close.

He still has his arms wrapped around your waist. Gentle yet protectively they lay placed on your body. So you stay like that watching the light slowly hit the curtains and the brightness filling up the whole room in its entirety. Signifying a new brighter beginning.

“Hm, are you awake?” Jimin speaks in a husky morning voice. Stretching his hands above his head.

“Yeah,” you say hurriedly feeling your face to see if you have anything between your eyes or at the edges of your mouth before turning around and facing him. Fuck, he still looks so good even in the morning. What kind of sorcery is this?

“Your hair is messy,” you reach up and put your fingers through his silky smooth hair. Okay, let’s be honest you have wanted to do that since you saw him again and ah, his hair even feels soft in the morning. How is this even fair?

As you’re about to complain about his perfect hair, Jimin grabs your wrist and pulls your hand to his lips.

Let’s not lie, your stomach does a couple of flips and you stare at him from under your eyelashes as you watch his succulent lips go down and brush against your skin.

“Oh, what brought this on?” You somehow manage to say under his trance.

“I just wanted to kiss what is mine,” he says in that deep sexy morning voice that you are just NOW fully starting to appreciate. His doing this on purpose isn’t he is, this cannot be normal morning everyday Jimin, can it?

But before you can even think about it, Jimin pulls you into him and kisses you on the cheek and then down to your neck whilst his hands clumsily fumble all over your body.

And you let him, you let his hands roam over your chest and down your stomach whilst his tongue flicks on your neck and his lips leave plush kisses. You feel his legs pressed against you and hear the heaviness in his breathing. ‘Ah, now this is a good morning,’ you think to yourself enjoying this way too much.

You are so deep in your own little world that it doesn’t even register where Jimin’s hands have landed, the sensation suddenly feels so familiar and natural that when his hands slide under your panties and he squeezes your ass the only thing you feel is pleasure and desire. Desire to have him and be devoured by him right here and right now but then alarm bells start ringing in your head.

This isn’t right…Yes, of course you want Jimin but not yet…you’re not ready to go there again…just yet.

So you take a deep breath before grabbing a hold of Jimin’s hands still on your ass and slightly shifting away from him. He stops in his tracks and looks up at you.

“Can we wait, Jimin, I’m just not ready yet,” you move his hands and as you place them back on his body you spot his soldier strong at attention. That gives you so much more joy and pleasure than you would ever admit to anyone and the corners of your mouth twitch up in amusement.

“We said a fresh start, to me that means we haven’t kissed, hugged or even had our first date yet and you already want to get some,” you shake your head at him playfully.

Jimin suddenly bursts out laughing. His angelic laughter fills the whole room and your heart. You had missed it so much.

“You really are something else, I tell you,” he says when he finally stops laughing.

“What about the cuddling and spending a night at my place, which stage is that?” He gives you a cheeky grin as if he has just proven you wrong.

“Ah, technically we made up last night so that doesn’t count and the cuddling or spooning was all you so….oh, I just remembered what you said last night if I crossed over to your section of the bed but look what happened, how are you going to be punished.” You look up and down his body trying to figure out what to do to him and then on impulse you reach your hands out and pinch his nipples.

“Ahh,” he screams covering and rubbing his chest.

And you almost fall of the bed laughing. “I’m sorry Jimin,” you apologise not really sorry and cover your hand over your mouth to try and quieten your laugh.

“Oh, okay I will get you back, come here,” he leans closer to you and drags you back into his embrace. You can’t stop giggling and screaming at the same time as you pretend to fight his hold on you whilst secretly enjoying his touch.

“You play too much __, but I understand what you are saying, I can wait for you as long you want,” he whispers in your left ear before nibbling on it and subsequently sending a tingle down your spine and red hot heat between your legs. The unfairness of it all.

“Thank you,” a little whimper comes out of you as he carries on.

And then says “I just have one condition, I want us to live together here. I can’t bear to be apart from you anymore.” His voice is serious yet full of nervousness. You turn around and stare deep into his hazel eyes. And you see the earnestness they convey.

Moving in together, living with a man, full time…24/7. You move your eyes to the left and to the right…You don’t have much time to think about this.

You love Jimin, but you love your own space…so living with someone will mean from morning to night...365 days in a year you will see them. You gulp and scratch the back of your neck….Aish, this is a big deal you’re going to have to share everything…

“It’s okay, if it’s too soon, I just missed you in the time we were apart and I can wait,” Jimin’s lukewarm eyes and smile melt all your worries away.

“Let’s do it, I will move in with you but,” you put your index finger up and attempt to give him a serious look.

“But?” he bites his bottom lip.

“I’m not getting rid of my apartment. Just in case you annoy me and I need a place to stay.”

“That sounds fair, or if you annoy me and I kick you out,” he grins.

“You wouldn’t dare, Park Jimin,” you shout his name and punch him on his shoulder.

“You are right, you scare me,” he pretends to shake in fear.

“You better be scared,” you giggle at his silliness.

“Let’s seal this new agreement with a kiss,” he puckers his lips out and closes his eyes.

“Ew, no, what level of cheesiness is this Jimin,” you make a face and fold your arms over your chest.

He opens one of his eyes “No kiss no deal,” he says and you slowly lean in, resigned that this is the guy you fell in love with. But as you do your phone starts to ring. So you quickly give Jimin a peck on the lips before turning over and answering it.

“Hello,” you answer. It turns out to be the manager of your firm, you had left him in charge whilst you came here to deal with everything. It surprisingly feels like a life time ago.

“Have you seen the news, check the financial times now?” He says sounding alarmed.

“What am I looking for?” You reply putting him on speaker phone and minimising the call screen to open the financial times app. “Just check, you will know when you see it, it’s on the front page.”

When the app finally loads and you read the heading of the main story you gasp. Shocked!

“You see it, you see it right?” he asks too excited.

“Calm down, hold on let me read it first?”

You blink a few times not believing your eyes but it’s there in black and white.

‘CEO fired and under investigation for illegal bribery and the running of blacklisting scheme of employees’

“How? Why?”

“An undercover reporter broke the news, he has receipts, statements, video and voice recordings and emails confirming everything. I don’t see how his going to get away with this.”

“Wow and I had a meeting today at that company.”

“I wouldn’t go if I was you, I heard that there’s press all over the building. People are coming out that have been blacklisted and there’s already talk of lawsuits.”

You try to absorb everything that is going on, the company you called your second home at one point in your life is now like this, you will always be grateful for the opportunity they gave you but a part of you is relieved you got out when you did and even though it was a hard journey you have somehow landed on your feet and you’re doing pretty well for yourself.

Your screen starts flashing and you already recognise the number.

“Let me call you back, their calling me right now.”

“Okay, okay, bye.”

You answer the other phone and a female voice speaks. You find out she is Hoseok’s secretary and long story short she wants to cancel the appointment you had with him today and you inform her that it’s okay and politely end the call.

“Ohmygosh,” you scream and shake your head. “Ahh, is this life,” you kick the covers off your legs and turn to a puzzled Jimin before jumping on top of him and placing both your hands on his cheeks and leaving tender kisses on his forehead down to his nose and finally on his lips multiple times.

“You’re this happy,” he just looks at you stunned. But you don’t care, you just nod your head and grin like a giddy girl.

Then a realisation occurs, “where’s the TV remote?”

You turn it ON, to the business channel and find Hoseok on there giving a speech. You move closer to the television and listen intently to what his saying, most of it is just waffle but then the important part comes…

“As of now, I have been appointed the temporary CEO of the firm and we will cooperate with the authorities fully regarding all the allegations”

Your mouth hangs open, Hoseok is now the CEO, wow. To be honest you are not mad at him, he worked his way up honestly and if they can survive this. The company will be in better hands with Hoseok as their CEO.

---------------------

[The domestic side of a relationship]

When Jimin had first suggested moving in together, you had been very apprehensive about it, you like your space and being in that environment where you can just be yourself and not pretend or try to hide little imperfections. But after a few weeks of living with Jimin you now realise the importance of actually living together with the person you love. Because in order to move on in your relationship it’s important to know if you are compatible enough to live together and let’s just say living with Jimin has been a very….interesting and entertaining experience.

“Jimin, I’m so full,” you rub your belly and stretch your body. You are laying on the fluffy white carpet in the living room floor and Jimin is there next to you. The one good thing is at least now you have some sort of cooking routine going on. You cook some days and Jimin the others.

“Aish, Jimin you tricked me?” You shuffle your body around and now your heads are touching but your bodies are facing the opposite direction.

“How so?”

“You literally only know how to cook one meal really well, you’re as shitty of a cook as me, how is that going to work.”

He starts giggling and you can feel his head shaking. So you crane your head back and look at the ceiling and the beautiful patterns above it.

“I never lied I just offered the best of my skills at the beginning, do you want us to take some cooking lessons?”

You internally swear at him, you know his not serious but two can play that game.

“Yeah, we should and it’s really romantic and….” You pause before finishing your sentence. You were about to make a joke ‘and the chef will be a tall built guy and you know what they say about chefs’ but you decide to backtrack and not mention it instead you say…

“you will have flour on your face and you will wrap your arms around me as you put on my apron, ah, let’s do, let’s sign up now,” you clap your hands in an attempt to sell your lie.

“I preferred it when you told me to fuck off, your jokes are lame,” he turns his body to the side and you shuffle yours around until you are facing him before pouting, making little sounds with your mouth closed and shaking your shoulders up and down. “But I w-a-n-n-a go,” you pucker your lips some more and try to make a sad face as you move even closer to him and snuggle up to his shoulder.

“When did you learn that move….please and I say this because I love you never do that again.”

And you burst out into a fit a laughter. “You are a piece of shit, you know that Jimin.”

He wraps his arms around you tightly and then whispers “A piece of shit, you can’t live without.”

You roll your eyes in pure amusement.

[Wings]

As more time went on one thing you are grateful to your sister for is the Zumba DVD’s you tried one day when you were bored at her place. And surprisingly the DVD’s where not that bad and you liked the salsa feel of everything. Just moving your body to the music, even if you are not that great at it and letting go of everything for an hour is very therapeutic and freeing.

Which is why when you moved back to the city you bought your own Zumba DVD’s and now you regularly use them to work out in Jimin’s or better yet both your living room.

So, on one faithful day after finishing a tough and intense workout you turn on the stereo and play the wings album so when the first track comes on <boy meets evil> you begin the cool down stretches. It’s a good thing you have on your black Nike leggings and a matching black sports bra on because it gives you the freedom to be as flexible as you want without any constricts.

With your legs spread in opposite directions you lean in and feel the stretch on your inner thighs but as you are coming back up you hear the front door opening and you open one of your eyes to find Jimin entering the living room.

“Do you want me to go to the bedroom?” He quietly whispers pointing at the bedroom.

Aw, honestly, living together with Jimin you had expected to have no privacy and to be thoroughly annoyed at having someone in your space but Jimin is so considerate when it comes to you having your me time when you are working out, reading a book or whatever you’re doing to relax. And it’s also nice to spend time with someone, to get to know each other’s thoughts and worries.

“No, its okay, I’m almost finished, just stretching now,” you say stretching your neck.

Jimin comes over and sits on the couch that you pushed back so that you had plenty of room to workout.

Then the next song comes on <blood, sweat and tears> a naughty idea creeps up into your head.

“Jimin are you ready for round 2?”

“Round 2?” he asks giving you a confused look.

“Round 2 of my dancing.”

His face instantly drops “What did we say about that?” he says with a wtf not this shit again face.

But you ignore him and when the first words come out from the stereo….

♫ nae pi ttam nunmul ♫

You feel the music and begin to dance, you move your hands over your head and attempt to copy the dance moves you have seen many times in the music video. The music takes over you and you flap around the living room, even copying the move when they grab their belt and move their hips from side to side.

♫ Peaches and cream, Sweeter than sweet, Chocolate cheeks ♫

You sing this part to Jimin as you try to be sensual all of a sudden. He just leans back into the sofa, silent and watches you successfully making a fool out of yourself.

♫ wonhae manhi manhi manhi yah ♫

You carry on dancing, even putting your hands up and jumping when the manhi mahni part comes up. You see the corners of Jimin’s mouth twitch up and almost lose focus. You opt to ignore him and raise your hands even higher and jump harder when the manhi manhi part is repeated.

♫ Kiss me on the lips lips ♫

You lip sing those words to Jimin and place your two fingers on your lips and bite your bottom lip when you send the air kisses his way. Before collapsing onto the floor on your knees and flipping your hair around in an extremely exaggerated manner (Oh gosh, why am I doing this again). You then look up at Jimin and his now leaning forward on the sofa with his hands clasped together watching you.

You hear the best part coming and you raise yourself up and quickly dash for the jacket on the side and just place it over your shoulders without putting your arms in. When you hear your favourite part you shake your shoulder’s back and the jacket falls off. You raise your head all seductively like before sliding to the left, to the right and back to the left again. Then you smile at Jimin because you know you nailed it. He just licks his lips and indicates with his finger for you to come towards him.

To which you do happily. You walk towards him and sit on his lap.

“Kiss me on the lips lip,” he mouths grabbing your chin delicately and moving your face down towards him. And he does kiss you on the lips, soft and tenderly his lips prey on yours. Knowing exactly where to land and when to move, you kiss him back. Adrenaline still in your veins, sweat dripping down your neck. You close your eyes and engross yourself in this tender kiss.

[Dirty fun]

You know what they say, time flies when you’re in love. Do they say that? Anyways, a lot has happened in these past months, you have met Jimin’s family and even though you were very nervous it went better than you expected. He has a younger brother who is mischievous but kind hearted. His mother is beautiful and very youthful, she welcomed you with open arms. The highlight was seeing Jimin and his father, they are very close and it explains why Jimin always loves to tell you stories about him.

Today you and Jimin went to visit your sister and Yoongi, which was an interesting experience. Of course when your sister found out about you and Jimin being back together she wasn’t too thrilled but after some time she adjusted to it and when she met Jimin in person she completely fell in love with him. Yoongi, likes him as well you can tell but of course he had to test Jimin to see if he was really serious about you.

Overall, it was a good day except when you and Jimin decided to go for a walk and you both ended up falling onto the muddy ground and getting both your clothes muddy. What made it even worse was that the water wasn’t working at your sister’s house so you couldn’t even wash up and had to travel back home in dirty muddy clothes.

“I’m going in the shower first,” you had said entering the apartment.

“No, let me, you take forever in there, I will only be 5 minutes,” Jimin says already unbuttoning his shirt.

He does have a point, for some reason his showers are only 15 minutes but you spend more than half an hour in there.

“Okay, but be quick, I don’t like feeling this dirty,” you say sitting on the floor and watching him walk towards the bathroom.

You get your phone out and go on his twitter since you are bored. Jimin sure loves to take selfies and little cute videos of himself. Their even a few pictures and videos of you on his page. Some you look surprised because you were not ready for the pictures and other times they are just pictures of you two together doing something boring like cooking or sitting on your laptop stressing over work.

After about 20 minutes of scrolling down Jimin’s page you start to wonder why he hasn’t come out yet. You wait for a few more minutes but then you decide that you can’t wait any longer. He has a separate bathtub and a shower in there. If his still using the shower you will just go into the bathtub.

You enter the bathroom to find Jimin not in the shower as you expected but relaxed in the bathtub full of bubbles.

“Really Jimin, what are you doing in there?” You cross your arms and shake your head.

He opens his eyes and turns to look at you.

“I’m sorry __, I forgot to tell you, after my shower I just felt like having a bath to unwind.”

You call bullshit but you feel too stuffy to care so you remove your clothing one by one not looking at Jimin. It’s only when you are about to remove your bra that you realise you haven’t been fully naked in front Jimin in…more than a year. For a second you contemplate putting your clothes back on and going to your apartment to take a shower but it seems like a lot of effort and his seen it all before anyways.

So you remove everything and quickly hop into the shower. When the warm water hits your naked body. You let out a pleasurable sigh, you have never felt this much joy when taking a shower before. You ignore Jimin who is across from you and just let the water run down your body and clean all the dirt from your skin. You clean your body with soap and a towel and rinse off all the mud until you feel like a new person.

“Feels good doesn’t it,” Jimin says leaning on the edge of the tub whilst his eyes scan your body. You take a big towel and wrap it around your body and walk towards him.

“Did you enjoy the show?” You say sitting on the base of the white bathtub.

He just smiles.

“I’m done now, I will leave you to enjoy your bath.”

He slowly moves his wet hand out of the water and places it over yours. You look down at your hands and notice how they fit together perfectly. You almost squeal but just about manage to compose yourself (why does he still have this effect on me).

“Join me for a bit, please?” He asks, at first you try to avoid his eyes because you know if you meet them, it’s game over but then you feel a light squeeze on your hand and a feathery caress on your skin from his thumb and you know it’s already over.

You stand up, suddenly shy and drop the towel. Then you place one foot into the bubbles and then another before sliding down and feeling the warmth of the water on your body. You sit down comfortably facing Jimin.

“Nice isn’t it,”

“I guess,” you say still shy.

“Can I ask you something?”

You look up at Jimin for the first time.

“Go for it.”

“What do you think about us living together?”

“Honestly?” You ask not really knowing what else to say to that question.

“Honestly…and we can call this honesty hour, anything you say stays here,” he sits up slightly.

You think about it for a few seconds, a lot of thoughts go through your head.

“It’s different living with a guy, when we first moved in together I had these dreams of us living like this forever, having children and getting married,” you pause and look at him. They tell you not to mention having children or marriage when dating. Apparently, that scares guys away. But Jimin doesn’t look fazed by it.

“And now,” he adds to your unfinished sentence.

“And now, I realise how delusional I was. I see married people with children and it looks easy and sometimes I’m like yes, I want that too but living with you I realised that it’s a journey and that you don’t wake up one day and have all that but instead you should take it a day at a time. Get to know the person’s fears and learn to compromise. I know that sounds weird…”

“No, I understand what you mean and I appreciate you telling me that.”

“And you, what has it been like living with me?” You ask Jimin but as soon as you ask him you wish to take it back.

“I love it, you nag a lot but I love it still. I think I’m infatuated with every single thing about you, your smile, the way you laugh. Your lips, eyes, thighs, even your voice. I am sick and you are my medicine.”

You place your hand over your face and let out a little laugh. “Here, I thought I would get a serious answer.”

“I am being serious,” he pouts and blows some bubbles your way.

The bubbles don’t reach you but you get a handful of bubbles and blow them towards his direction.

“Oh, did you decide if you’re going to apply for the position as the head concept artist?” The question suddenly occurs in your mind.

And Jimin’s smile disappears. “I don’t know if I’m qualified enough for that, they want someone with a college degree, I just feel as though, this is as far as I can go.”

Your heart almost breaks.

“Forget about the qualifications, do you think you can do the job?”

He looks down “I know I’m perfect for the job….but I’m scared and I just feel as though maybe I made mistakes in the past and that maybe I should have gotten a degree then I would be confident enough to apply,” he speaks quickly in a low voice.

And now your hearts broken. You don’t like hearing Jimin doubt himself especially when you know how talented he is.

You slide over to Jimin’s side of the bathtub until there is nothing between you but a few bubbles.

“Look at me Jimin?” You speak. He slowly lifts his head up and then your eyes meet. His eyes give him away, he wants this but his afraid. You know that feeling so well.

“I know you Park Jimin, YOU are better than all those people with all those fancy degrees. I’m guessing a head concept artist will have to manage the team, can the team even function without you?”

He slowly shakes his head.

“Exactly, my degree also involved business management aspects, do you know what that involved, doing business reports and presentations. You have been doing all that for many years. I say if you want it just apply, the only thing you will lose is your time.”

A big smile forms on his face. “You’re right, I’m going to do it.”

“Yeah,” you grin back at him before sneakily leaning in to give him a kiss. When you try to move back a strong pair of arms wrap around you, holding you close.

“You can’t just do that and expect me to let you go.”

“Do you know how wrong that sounds?”

“It only sounds wrong to your dirty mind.”

“I love you Jimin,” you announce proudly. You wish you had more hours in the day so you could show him how much you love him and how much you want to please him. This man is all you need in the world.

Today, you will show him.

So you place both your hands over his cheeks and take in this beauty with your eyes. The crinkles in his eyes, the beautiful shape of his nose, his lips that are calling for you now. You leave your eyes open and kiss him. You watch as his face awakens when your lips touch his. You take in his taste as his lips move along with yours and your body heats up. You want to taste all of him. So you kiss him once more before slowly lowering your mouth from his succulent lips down to the curve of his neck.

“__, are you okay?” He tries to joke but his voice breaks when your lips start to trail downwards across his shoulders. You continue to kiss him all the way down to his firm defined chest.

“Jimin….” You start to say but lose focus when your hands roam up his body and your lips begin to suck his left nipple. (What is possessing you to do this?) His body tenses up, you can feel it beneath your touch. Your mouth moves to his right nipple and you hear a little whimper escape his mouth. That turns you on even more. Pleasing Jimin is your only mission. You want him to cry your name, to beg for more…ah.

You stop abruptly, crazed with lust and take a moment to look at Jimin’s confused composure.

“Jimin…can I….please you,” you breathe not breaking the intense eye contact. He just nods not trusting his voice again and you slide your hand under the water…………

And you feel it, all of Jimin is in your hand. This is something unexpected, you never thought you would miss the feeling of Jimin being between the clasp of your hand.

You look up at him and bite your bottom lip. “Oh my, how I have missed this,” you motion your hand up and down his long shaft.

“Now, you realise that…ah,” he breathes deeply when you begin to smoothly rub your thumb over his tip. You feel him grow slightly between your hand. That only gets you more excited. But you want to see him….play with him…..lick him. (what has gotten into you?)

“Jimin, I wanna taste you,” your heartbeat speeds up and you reach in for a kiss. He grabs a hold of your hair and brings you closer into his embrace. You kiss passionately in the tub as you taste the sweetness of his mouth and the desperation of his tongue as it twirls around yours. You are both lost, all rational thoughts gone out the window. You want each other, you more so want to please Jimin, to have him beg for more. So you move your hand back down and Jimin freezes.

He places his hands on the sides of the bathtub and lifts himself up until his seated on the surface. You look up at him confused and then the side of his mouth twitches up and you look down to view the full glory of his throbbing pink penis.

“Ohh, Jimin,” you giggle. Utterly and uncontrollably horny now.

“I haven’t been the only thing, that has missed you,” he glares at you with fire in his eyes.

You bite your bottom lip and take a big gulp. It’s been so long since you last saw something so beautiful. You place your hand back on him and rotate your hand around him slowly at first and then faster.

“I never realised how beautiful a cock can be until now, Jimin,” you slowly lower your head and lick the tip of him.

“Oh,” Jimin breathes and that turns you on even more. You lick him and let your mouth have your way with him, you lower your mouth onto his long thick dick and just let it take over you. You go up and down, at first slowly, sucking him in.

“Ah, yeah, __,” Jimin moans. And then quickly with such an agency. Then you go down again but this time you don’t stop when you feel him scrape your throat, instead you carry on, feeling him deeper in your mouth. Your eyes well up and you carry on wanting to please him. “Ah, fuckkk,” he moans and that’s when you slowly come back up for air.

“You like that Jimin,” you mouth as you look up to find a very aroused Jimin panting and grinning. He reaches down and places his hand on the side of your face.

“So fucking good, __,” he says in a hoarse voice which causes a tingle between your legs. You are so horny at this point that you are even tempted to just hop on his dick and ride him until tomorrow.

And as if Jimin can hear your thoughts his moves his hands lower onto your breasts and begins to play with them.

“So soft…” he whispers before grabbing you by the arms and lifting you up. You move without any thoughts as he plays with your nipples so intently. Your eyes roll back as you enjoy the wetness of his mouth on your breasts. He devours your hard nipples with his wet mouth and you forget what your name was.

“mHmm,” you moan. Letting the pleasure take over you. You are meant to be pleasing him, you remember so you return your hand back to his manhood and begin to give him a sensual massage.

“I want to try something,” you lean back away from him and reluctantly Jimin listens so he leans back and rests his hands on the surface.

You cover your breasts with your hands and move closer to him. Then you lean down and place your breasts over his penis. You move them up and down covering him. You go slowly at first before picking up the pace. Jimin lets out a little moan and then tilts his head back. His enjoying it, you can even feel him throbbing between your breasts. You carry on moving up and down and then you decide you miss the taste of him again.

“Ahh, __ when did you learn to do this shit, oh fuck,” Jimin lets out when your mouth returns to him. You are too unwound now, all control you had gone. So you suck him in with much more force, only remembering to keep your mouth away from him. His hand lowers to your side, to gently move your hair away from your face but you don’t even notice it as your mouth goes lower into him and sucks him in.

“Oh shit, I’m about…..” and he explodes in your mouth. You watch him as he comes down from his release, his chest moving up and down, sweat dripping down his temple. Eyes on you and then you swallow.

You have never swallowed before, you didn’t think you would do it now but something just compelled you to try.

“You have a sweet taste,” you say truthfully. Maybe that means he eats a lot of good food, you don’t know but at this moment as you stare at Jimin watching you astonished at what you just did, you couldn’t be any happier.

[A secret]

Dear Diary,

I have a secret I have been keeping from Jimin, it’s not anything major but I think his starting to suspect me and I don’t know exactly how to tell him.

You hear the doorbell ring and you already know who it is so you hide your diary under your bed and take a deep breath ready to face him.

“I thought you’d be here,” Jimin says entering your old apartment. It looks a lot emptier now.

“I just wanted to get something, I have not been gone that long,” you say lying.

“What are you looking for, maybe I can help you,” he walks in looking at the empty living room then he sees a light in your bedroom and starts walking towards it.

Shit, you left the laptop on.

You rush towards the bedroom, slip in front of him, jump on the bed and slam the laptop shut. (Well fuck, if he didn’t suspect something was up before, he sure as hell is going to think so now.)

You sit up on the bed and force an innocent smile.

“__, is there something you’re hiding from me?” he asks looking more hurt than anything else.

You get up and try to put your hand on his shoulder but he shrugs it off. Maybe you should just tell him… “Jimin I….it’s…..(you can’t do it) nothing,” you lower your head too ashamed to face him.

“I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt __ and not to jump to any conclusions but every now and again you sneak down here for hours on end and you won’t even tell me why, am I asking for too much?”

“no, it’s just…I can’t say.”

“I have told you everything about me….I have shown you everything, I have no secrets from you __,”

Your heart sinks, you want to tell him, but you just don’t know how to.

“I know and please trust me Jimin, it’s nothing.”

“How can I trust you if you won’t tell me why you disappear down here for so long, is there another guy?”

When he says those words, you feel as though a knife has just been placed in your heart. Yes, you were stupid in the past and you regret it every single day but you had thought, you and Jimin’s relationship had moved past that.

“Are you seriously asking me that,” you fume, unable to control your anger. The guilt you had thought was gone building up.

“What else am I supposed to think, it’s not like it hasn’t happened in the past,” as soon as Jimin says it, he wishes he could take it back.

“Ha, that’s a fucking low blow Jimin, GET OUT,” you shout furious now.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” Jimin says.

“I SAID GET OUT,” you begin to push him out of the apartment, unable to control your anger now. And he just looks at you lost, but he listens to you and walks towards the entrance.

“Can we talk about it,” he attempts once more.

“No, I don’t feel like talking, I will stay here for now.” You slam the door and head to your bedroom and slam the door in there before collapsing onto the floor.

��Fuck,’ you shout before wrapping your arms around your legs and closing your eyes to think. What just happened, how did that even escalate to this point? You breathe in a few times and try to think everything over clearly. Maybe you should have just told him the truth. But does that excuse him asking if you’re cheating? You know you are not, but maybe to Jimin that thought will always be in the back of his mind because of the past. You never speak about it, it’s always awkward when something related to cheating appears on a TV show you are watching or when a celebrities is caught cheating. It’s just something you both try to avoid. Like the big elephant in the room that is always with you both.

But you have had enough of it now, if he doesn’t trust you yet and still questions your faithfulness even to this day then fuck him, you will stay here for now. You were smart to keep this apartment. You agree with yourself and get up from the floor, go to the bed and switch on your laptop.

When everything loads up you end up on the webpage you were on before. The very one that caused you to jump on this bed and slam the laptop shut. Which resulted in this whole argument.

You press play on the video. Suddenly there’s a bitter taste in your mouth. You only wanted to watch a bl drama in peace. Addicted (Heroin) is such a good drama and you just cannot explain how watching two Chinese guys falling in love is so entertaining to you.

That is your secret, lame isn’t it? Oh, one of the guys is being carried and you forget what you were thinking about. You find yourself, giggling and entranced in the show that the hours go by and when you finally reach the end it is so late that you decide just to sleep without having dinner.

The next morning you feel weird, empty even. You check your phone to find no messages. You had expected Jimin to at least text you but nothing. You get ready and luckily you find a few work clothes still in your apartment.

……………

Work is work but today it seems extra tiresome, people are annoying you more easily and your patience is rather thin.

You check your phone again and nothing from Jimin. This only fuels your annoyance of him and the whole situation.

So you decide to tackle the most tedious work that you have been avoiding, you get the files out of the drawers and begin to work. Soon the time begins to fly and before you know it, it is already 8pm. You look out of your office to find only one other person left.

You decide maybe it’s time to go back home.

………………..

Soon you find yourself walking up the stairs towards Jimin’s apartment but now you are tired, angry and hungry. Plus, annoyed that he didn’t even text you once this whole fucking day. The only thing that can save him from your wrath is a miracle.

You open the door and find Jimin sitting in front of the television watching the news.

“You are seriously watching the news and you didn’t even check to see if I was alive or not,” ohh you are fuming today. All the anger you had managed to store up all day long is about to come out now.

Jimin just stares at you then checks his phone. “I see zero messages from you,” he says unfazed.

“Are you serious?”

He stands up and walks towards you. “Why are you so mad, I should be the one angry, are you ready to have a calm conversation now,” he crosses his hands over his chest.

“How can I have a calm conversation when I know you don’t trust me. Do you think I cheat on your every time I’m not with you, did I cheat on you today?”

“Only you can answer that.”

Ohhh, that boils your anger. You reach your hand up about to slap Jimin but his too fast and his hand grabs your wrist. He forces you back until your back slams onto the door and traps you there with both his arms.

“What are you doing?” You push him and he moves aside. You walk away backwards but then you trip on something and land on the floor. Embarrassed now, you freeze not sure what to do?

Jimin comes down towards you and his about to touch you but you smack his hand away.

“Don’t touch me,” you try to move back but he grabs your hips and moves you closer to him.

“If it’s not true, answer my question,” Jimin hovers over you. Without thinking, you reach your hand out again and slap Jimin on the face. This time your hand connects. He grunts and chokes you. You fight him back, with all your power and roll over.

Now you sit on top of Jimin’s body and begin to hit his chest. He instantly grabs your arms and lifts his body up.

“Let go off me,” you shout. But he doesn’t say anything instead he moves your body back onto the floor and his hovers over yours.

Your anger is uncontrollable now, you just want to hit him. You glare at him for a second as he hovers over you, his hands still placing yours in a grid lock and then he does something you never expected.

He leans down and kisses you. With such force and determination that you are taken aback. You feel his lips press onto yours and you don’t move, you try to fight back, to say something but then the hate you had, the anger you were just feeling quickly disappears and you wonder why you were so mad at Jimin in the first place.

And you do the only thing feasible, you begin to kiss him back. His hold on your arms suddenly gone, you wrap your hands around his neck and move your lips in rhythm with his. You feel his wet plump lips move against yours and you melt.

He slowly begins to raise himself with you in his arms and you follow his lead.

“I trust you, completely __, I trust you more than anyone else in this world, forgive me for doubting you,” he passionately kisses you again. A tingle goes down your spine as you take in his apology, his sincere voice and his lips.

You break from the kiss and say “I’m sorry for being a dick, when I snuck off to my apartment I was secretly watching bl dramas?”

A confused face appears. “What’s bl?”

“Boys love,” you say lowering your head. It is silent for a few seconds and then Jimin begins to laugh. You look up at him and his laughing so hard, his head tilted back and his hand is covering his face.

“Is that all, why did you feel the need to hide that?” He finally asks.

You just shrug your shoulders. (Why did you feel you had to hide that?)

“I don’t know,” is all you manage to say.

“Come here, you silly billy,” you snuggle into him as his hands wrap around you.

And just like that, your secret is revealed and the crazy thing is Jimin doesn’t give a shit.

“But seriously, I’m sorry Jimin, it’s just we never talk about anything related to that situation.”

“I know, I trust you completely but it’s just….I try to forget that ever happened.”

You lean back and look up at him.

“I thought that that would be better but it’s not working for me Jimin, it happened and it will always be a part of our past.”

“I know, it bothers me as well.”

“We should change that. Do you know how many cheating jokes I have passed up,” you try to make light of this heavy conversation.

Surprisingly it makes Jimin laugh a little.

“You always know how to make me laugh __,” he leans in and kisses your forehead softly. You close your eyes and feel the touch of his lips. “I did miss your cheating jokes, for some reason that’s your speciality.”

“Oii,” you push him back and start laughing.

“So which jokes didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, how am I supposed to remember them now, oh, wait so do you remember that time we were….”

The funny thing is, you and Jimin’s relationship isn’t perfect. You argue and quickly make up. You have disagreements and sometimes he bores the shit out of you and probably vice versa. There are times when he locks himself upstairs on the roof just painting and you miss him but you respect that that is his time. I think that’s what a relationship is, isn’t it. A fucking rollercoaster ride.

[Jungkook]

“I’m pregnant,” your sister screams over the phone.

“Aw, Congratulations, you and Yoongi really are on it.”

“Shh, we are just like any other regular married couple.”

“hehe, I’m joking, I’m happy for you guys.”

Then there’s silence on the other line.

“Listen to me, I had forgotten about…you know what happened…”

Ah, it dawns on you then, what she means. It’s been a long time since you had the miscarriage and it’s true what they say, you never forget what happened and no matter how much time passes it will always be a part of you.

“It’s fine, honestly, I’m happy for you and Yoongi. I don’t want you to feel guilty about being excited about this baby.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, so how far gone are you now?”

“13 weeks, I’m in the second trimester.”

“Oh, have you had any symptoms?”

“Have I….” And she begins to tell you every single detail about the pregnancy. You listen and make fun of her whenever possible. There’s going to be a new addition in your family and because of that you decide to go shopping and buy the little one a present.

It’s the afternoon and you have already checked out a good number of baby shops but you just haven’t found anything yet. Then you spot an inflatable football, you stop in front of it and stare. For some reason, you can’t quite put your mind to it. Something draws you to this football, so without much thought you decide to purchase it.

And as you’re walking out of the shop you bump into someone.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you apologise.

“__, is that you?” You hear a velvety voice and look up.

“Jungkook,” you mouth stunned. Wow, you want to say, he has more muscles but his still lean. He looks good, hm.

“How have you been, it’s been too long…Can I get you a coffee?”

Woah, your brain is going into overdrive trying to compute whatever this situation is? A part of you wants to say no thanks Jungkook, I can’t but he didn’t do anything wrong and you owe him this much. So you agree and go across the street at the coffee shop together with him.

“You haven’t changed, you know that. Well maybe a little, you look happier,” he says leaning in on the table.

You just smile at him.

“You look good yourself and congratulations on your company going public,” you were reluctant to say that last sentence.

That makes him smile. “Oh, so you have been keeping tabs on me.”

“Jungkook you are all over the news, your company went public on the stock exchange markets and in a few days you become a billionaire. As an accountant if I didn’t know that, I wouldn’t be very good at my job.”

“hmm, true, it still hasn’t sunk in yet.”

“What? That you’re a billionaire now.”

“Yeah, and that I lost you,” he places his hand over yours and you look down at both your hands.

This feels like one of those moments in films when time stops and the next decision the person makes will change their life forever.

………….

“I’m flattered Jungkook but…me and Jimin worked it out and we are together now,” you say sliding your hand under the table.

He just nods his head a few times.

“I understand but you can’t blame a guy for trying one last time.”

You give him an awkward smile then the table becomes silent. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to this, you didn’t want to hurt him again.

“I saw you coming out of the baby shop, are you…” he leaves the sentence hanging.

“Oh, no, it’s my sister, she’s pregnant,” you say reaching inside the bag for the football and showing it to him.

“It looks exactly like the one I got for our (he chokes up)…I’m sorry.”

It hits you then why you were so compelled to buy this football, it looked like the one Jungkook had gotten for your baby. When you had lost the baby you had been such a mess that it took until you were back at your sisters to call him and tell him. To be honest you don’t know how he had taken the news, he had listened as you said what happened and that was it. You had tried to call him a few times but you could never reach each other. One thing you feel shitty about is not telling Jungkook in person.

“I’m sorry Jungkook, I should have told you what happened in person.”

“Don’t worry about it __, it’s in the past now.”

And for some reason you believe him or you want to believe him. You talk for a few more minutes about lighter subjects and then as you are leaving the café Jungkook says.

“Don’t be a stranger now.”

“I won’t, good luck with everything Jungkook.”

“You too __” he says before he turns away and starts walking the opposite way. He doesn’t turn around once but just carries on walking away. You watch him getting smaller and you already know that this will be the last time you will see him. It feels like you are finally closing that chapter in your life.

[Fifty shades of Jimin]

In your heart and mind you are now finally ready to do it with Jimin. How he has waited this long is beyond you but it makes you love him even more that he has. And what better day to do it than today.

Jimin is going to be presenting and demonstrating the new game to the world. He took a chance and applied for the head concept artist job and he got it. That also meant he had a raise in his salary which is good because he spoilt you a little bit or at least he tried to but the concept of someone else buying something for you when you have your own money is still new but you are getting better at accepting gifts from him.

“Let me help you Jimin,” you walk towards Jimin with nothing on but a matching baby pink bra and panties and help him to finish buttoning the few remaining buttons on his shirt.

“Today, is a big day, I don’t want you to have to do anything,” you grab his favourite tie and put it around his neck.

“I’m proud of baby, you did it,” you finish with his tie and bend over to get the small box containing a new pair of cufflinks.

“I got these for you, it’s always been a dream to buy these,” you say putting the yellow diamond cufflinks on him.

“You have such weird dreams,” he lifts you up onto the dresser.

“Thank you, for being my rock,” he stares deep into your eyes and caresses your cheek with his hand before his thumb presses up to your lips.

“What would you say, if I said I wanted us to be together forever,” he says and you try to look for a hint of a joke on his face.

“I would say forever is only for teenagers,” when you say the words you instantly see his face changing.

“We don’t know what the future holds to promise each other forever but I will say, right now, I love you more than anything else in the world and I can’t see myself spending my days with anyone else.”

“Basically, you’re saying forever.”

“Yes!”

“But in a more poetic way.”

“Yes!”

“Is it to late to take back my forever?”

“You fucking shit,” you push Jimin and giggle.

“Let me put on my dress,” you hop off the dresser and grab your dark blue dress or the black and yellow dress.

“Which one do you prefer?” You ask showing Jimin both the dresses.

He tilts his head to the side. “The yellow one, it brings out the colours of your eyes,” you look at the dresses again, not trusting his opinion but in the end you choose the black and yellow dress and as you are zipping your dress up you turn to Jimin.

“Can you help me out please,” you ask pointing at the dress.

“Sure,” he comes over and helps to zip up the dress. “You look stunning, __,” he twirls you around before planting a quick peck on your lips. You blush.

Then brush his lips with your finger once, removing your red lipstick.

You finish getting ready together, it’s fun. You can tell Jimin is a little nervous about going on stage but you do everything you can to help him relax and get comfortable.

------------------

When you arrive at the conference, you and Jimin are instantly separated. He has to go backstage and prepare everything and you are left in the waiting area with the other guests. Luckily you meet one of Jimin’s friends that you met before and you end up talking whilst you wait to take your seat.

When you do finally find your seat and the lights go down. Jimin appears in front of everyone at first introducing himself and then he begins to talk about the game.

You have heard him give this speech a million times already but there’s something about watching him there on the stage with such confidence and charisma that leaves you in awe. It’s as if he changes and becomes someone else when his in front of an audience. Commanding their attention and drawing them in not only with his enchanting voice but also with his eyes.

You watch in amazement at this person who stole your heart and you try to imprint this moment in your mind. Taking a million mental pictures, so it lasts forever.

When Jimin finishes the demonstration, the best part begins and people start to ask him questions. He answers all of them perfectly. Even though you are not a serious gamer, after that presentation you would consider playing it.

“How was it?” Jimin asks when you finally see him.

“Ah, you were amazing, you killed it,” you almost scream whilst giving him a big hug.

“You’re not lying?”

“You know me, if you were awful I would tell you, even I want to buy the game.”

“I’m happy, I feel such a rush,” he moves out of the hug and holds your hand.

“Do you mind going somewhere with me?” He asks.

You look around the hallway, most people have already left the place, you waited a while whilst Jimin greeted and made introductions with a few heavy weights the gaming industry.

“Okay, where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise,” he winks at you so perfectly.

“See, I knew you could wink,” you bump him on his shoulder as you walk hand in hand. Watching Jimin like that today has stirred something in you that was already about to burst. You turn at him and your eyes gravitate towards his shirt without a tie now and three buttons undone.

‘Fuck, I hope wherever his taking me is private because I don’t think I can control myself much longer,’ you think as you walk towards his car.

----------------

“Nice to see you again, Mr Park Jimin,” the doorman says as you enter the 10 storey building. You bite the tip of your finger and stare at Jimin as he greets the well-dressed man.

You don’t know what’s come over you but there’s something different about Jimin today, the way his acting, the way he keeps looking at you, you can’t quite put a finger on it just yet but you know you will figure it out soon, Jimin can’t keep a secret to save his life.

“__, let’s go up I want to show you something,” he slides his fingers in between yours and a shiver goes down your spine. Even after starting a fresh and still going strong for 9 months the feeling of Jimin’s soft hand weaved into yours still gives you butterflies.

You get in the empty elevator and turn towards him so you can get a better look.

“What are you up to Jimin,” you whisper slowly tracing your fingers down his blushed cheek across to his oh so kissable lips that he parts and your finger slides in.

His wet tongue flicks at your finger a few times and you let out a quiet moan which only results in making him laugh.

You ignore him and remove your now wet finger from the grasp of his teeth and move south past his chin gripping his neck with one hand. To which he throws his head back and rolls his eyes.

Your finger trails downwards feeling every inch of his exposed skin from the parting caused by the three buttons undone on his white shirt.

“These three little buttons have caused me a lot of pain,” you lean in and smell the arousing fragrance coming from him before placing your red lips on his collarbone.

You can’t help yourself, he looks so good today in that white shirt. Even his matching black trousers and belt are tempting you so much. But then a mischievous thought occurs and you remove your lips and take a step away.

You play with the loose strands of your hair that are in an updo and pretend to straighten your long thin spaghetti strapped black and yellow dress.

“Ah, why did you stop?” he groans returning his head back down and practically giving you dagger eyes.

You just shrug your shoulders. You love to tease Jimin, it just gets him all worked up plus it’s hilarious.

“__, you’re going to regret this,” his says wrapping his arms around you and snuggling his head on your neck.

The elevator door suddenly opens.

“To the left,” Jimin says with his hands still wrapped around your waist.

“Where exactly are you taking me?” you ask following his directions.

“I wanted to show you an investment of mine, the old tenants moved out and we just had it renovated,” as he says the last word he trips on something and you can’t help but laugh at him.

“You are such a klutz,” you say.

“You have such a chortle laugh,” he crosses his arms.

“What is a chortle laugh Jimin,” you try to change your laugh.

“Now it sounds like a windshield cleaner.”

“Liar, my laugh is cute,” you try to pinch his sides but he steps away.

“Riight,” he mocks finally opening the door at the end of the corridor.

He steps in first and when you follow after your mouth almost drops to the floor. The space in the living room alone could fill your whole apartment. Of course the first thing you notice is the massive flat screen TV, then the white expensive looking sofa’s around it. There is glass everywhere, even the doors are made of glass. The chandelier lights up the room beautifully you note.

“This is yours?” You ask still in awe.

He grabs your hand again leading you further into the room. You notice the large table on the side. A person could host a dinner party of 16 people or more on that thing. But then your eyes are drawn in by the grand black piano. Enchanted you walk towards it and feel its smooth texture.

“Do you play?” you ask as Jimin sits down on the piano and presses the same key a few times.

“A little bit, come sit down,” he moves over and then starts playing the notes to something that sounds like 'Tomorrow' by BTS. You haven’t played the piano in a long time but it must be like riding a bike. Once you learn, you never fully forget.

“I know this song,” you watch the lightness of his feathery fingers move along the keys and listen as each note takes form and makes a beautiful melody. But you can tell that it’s still missing something.

You close your eyes and listen to the flow of the music and when you find an opening you press a key on the piano and open your eyes again. Jimin is smiling at you whilst still playing. You look down at your fingers and try to remember the feel of the song. Then you hit the keys and try your best to play along with Jimin. At first it is almost out of tune, as his going too fast and you, too slow but when you stop trying to make the song sound like the original the magic truly begins.

You start to draw from Jimin’s last note, completing where he left off and he begins to add to your melody, bridging the gap between you and forming a connection not only with the song but with each other. You feel the intensity each time he presses the key that meets yours. In this unexpected form you play as one. Creating this beautiful melody together you turn to him when you feel the song coming to an end. He in turn turns to you and in those few seconds as your careless fingers play the piano. You experience something more than ecstasy but a feeling similar to floating together into a blissful happiness.

“Wow,” you say but as soon as the last syllable leaves your mouth Jimin’s lips are on yours. Hard, with much force. Hungry yearning for that connection again you kiss him back just as hard. As you feel his hands come to life beneath your skin. His smooth hands caress your back as he brings you closer to him. Before quickly finding their place on your breasts. In a rush he squeezes your breasts through your dress and momentarily you freeze, taken aback.

“I want you __, right here, right now,” he grunts. Slamming the top of the piano shut and lifting you up effortlessly on top of it.

You make a little sound, shocked at the beast that has become Jimin.

“Fuck you look so good __”Jimin pants coming for your face again placing his lips on yours for a long time before moving away and giving you another seductive look. You try to say something, anything that could make him know how much he is turning you on right now but then he lifts your arm and begins to pull the zip at the side of the dress down.

You gladly wiggle out of the dress and unhook your bra but then it dawns on you that you are sitting on this grand piano in nothing but a pair of panties.

“Jimin I should probably get off….” you curl your toes as Jimin begins to kiss your leg, slowly trailing kisses upwards to your inner thigh. You gasp and arch your back. His lips feel so explosive against your skin.

Your desire for him is growing, any modesty you were trying to preserve is slowly disappearing. You feel his lips closing in on your sweet spot and the desire for his mouth grows. He kisses the edge of your sex once before moving north towards your belly button.

“You fucking tease Jimin,” you breath about to lose it.

“I told you you’ll regret it,” he hovers over your body and licks you all the way up to your bare breast. You arch your back even higher and let out a whimper. His tongue playing a beautiful flicking tune with your left nipple whilst he strums his hand on your right breast. It’s all too much, your senses go into overdrive and pleasure overcomes you.

“Fuck Jimin,” your sex heats up and you try to close your legs. But Jimin notices and lets out a small laugh.

“Is something the matter __” he mocks clearly entertained by your suffering and reaches up to your face.

“Open your eyes __” he commands. You do as you’re told and you see his piercing eyes on you. He slides his hand down your body until he reaches your sweet sensual spot. “Ah,” you moan when you feel his warm touch.

You quiver under his touch still not used to this amazing feeling. He licks his lips as he watches you pant up and down as his hand plays a beautiful melody with your clit.

You grip his arm when it becomes too much but that only results in making everything worse. He removes his hand from beneath your panties before grabbing them on the sides, sliding them off your legs and dropping them on the floor.

“They were becoming such a hassle,” he moans gripping your thighs tight and spreading your legs apart. His eyes never leave your face when he lowers his head between your legs.

“Oh myy umhh….” You weep as his tongue finally makes contact with your sex, you want to tilt your head back but his intense eyes still have a hold on you. So you watch as his tongue grazes your sweet spot too many times that you lose count. He sucks your juices in, then he leans back and places a finger in. Your body quivers and takes in this wonderful feeling before his mouth returns to your sex and begins to ravage you again.

“Oh, yes…I can feel it…I’m about to” you bite your bottom lip and spasm as you feel the build-up coming up. The speed of his tongue quickens and the control of your body declines.

…..

Then he stops.

Everything, his tongue on your sex, his hands on your breasts.

It takes you a few seconds to fully realise what he has done. Why your body is now in this limbo state of needing a serious good release but being denied it.

“AHH, JIMIN WHY?” You scream. Tears almost coming out.

Then he bursts into a fit of laughter, literally the whole room is filled with the sound of his cute little laugh. You cross your legs in agony and lean your head on your hand and just watch as his cheeks rise up and his body moves back and forth in his laughter.

For a moment you forget your pending frustrations and just watch his cinnamon roll. You also accept that this time he got you good.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says after getting his composure back. You sit up and cross your arms under your chest. He stands in-between your legs and pouts his lips. You turn your head away from him pretending to be mad.

“I won’t do it again,” he reaches down and kisses your neck. You let out an annoyed sigh.

“I still haven’t shown you the surprise yet,” he whispers and your head snaps towards his direction.

“What is it?” you ask curiously and trying to act cute. You put your arms around his neck and weave your fingers through his soft hair as he always does.

“Come,” he grins and lifts you up off the piano. You shriek at the sudden movement but then you wrap your legs and arms tightly around him as he leads you to an unknown room.

………

“Close your eyes __,” he whispers when you reach the door.

You listen and close your eyes. Then you hear the door creak and feel Jimin’s body move forward.

“You can open them now,” he says and your heart starts beating fast. You hate and love surprises. You slowly open your eyes.

And you let out an overwhelmed gasp. Your eyes widen as you scan the entire room.

The first thing that hits you is the white bed because it is the biggest thing in the room but then your eyes zero in on the paintings on the wall, all around the room.

Their all paintings of you. One when you are sleeping with your hair all messy but your face calm and peaceful. Every line and stroke drawn with such detail. The next painting you are in, you’re in your workout clothes, your legs are crossed and you are stretching your arms. Here you look calm and focused. He even got the sweat coming down your body in the painting but it looks as if you are glistening.

The colours, the way their mixed in together, it screams perfection. Your eyes are in heaven right now. You let go of Jimin and place your feet on the floor so you can get a better look.

Their a dozen paintings in here, all of you.

“How? When did you get the time,” you say moving closer to another painting of you hunched over your laptop with a stressed look on your face. The way he defines your features, your nose, lips and eyes. It’s flawless.

“Oh my gosh,” you place your hand over your mouth when you see the last painting. You are wearing a white t-shirt, the sun rays are on your hair and you have the biggest smile plastered on your face as you bite an apple. On this painting it’s not just that he got your features accurate but it’s how brilliantly he captured your emotions. You can even remember that day. It was the first day you had woken up early and you had managed to catch Jimin before he left for work.

He had said something stupid as per usual and it had made you laugh.

You look at Jimin then and practically march towards him. Grab his cheeks between your hands and gently pull him close enough to your face that your noses are touching.

“I love the paintings, you are….” You pause getting emotional. You didn’t think such a gesture would affect you so much that you are choking up like this. “Kiss me Jimin,” you whisper with your mouth a few inches from his.

His lips touch yours with ease. Your kiss is wild and uncontrolled. His tongue is in your mouth and you suck it in. Hungry for him, all of him. He lifts you up gently amidst the kiss and leads you to the bed. You lay down onto the bed already naked and watch as he takes off his clothes in a hurry. You wish you could have done that for him but that would have slowed him down and right now you are craving him too much.

Now this perfect man hovers over you naked as sin, you lean in just to feel his body, the firm biceps, the smoothness of his skin. Let the devouring begin you think when you kiss him on the shoulder whilst he sucks on your exposed neck.

Before he leans you back onto the bed and you oblige whilst watching his hands trail down from your lips down to the bridge of your breasts, past your belly button and onto your exposed sweet spot.

You gasp when he hand grazes your pussy.

“I want to make you cum so many times that you will beg me to stop,” he whispers before lowering his mouth on the softness of your breast.

You hold your breath and take in the sensations as Jimin sucks and bites your hard nipples whilst his hands does unspeakable things to your sex. “Oh shit!” you moan. Trying to control yourself.

You feel his mouth leave your breasts and gravitate south. You open your eyes and see Jimin kiss your inner thigh gently.

“Jimin, can we try something?” You stop him. He looks up and you see that his eyes are ready to devour you.

You move your body until its facing the opposite direction of Jimin. And once again you meet Jimin’s beautiful pink penis. It’s already up at attention, which makes you blush. That doesn’t stop you from playing with it, delicately and softly your hand rotate around Jimin.

“Ohh,” you moan. Caught off guard when Jimin’s tongue licks your sex. You had forgotten momentarily that your bodies were facing the opposite directions. So you are facing Jimin’s manhood he is now facing your… “ahh,” you feel his tongue on your clit and your gasp. Why he is so good with his tongue. You moan once more before regaining your focus and flicking your tongue on his tip. Oh, you love tasting him. You soon become hungry for more and your mouth is soon covering his manhood. You wet it with the entirety of your mouth.

“__, whatever you’re doing down there, fuck,” he says in a raspy voice. You please each other simultaneously for a few minutes. Before Jimin grabs you up from under him in a haste and shouts.

“I can’t wait much longer __, I need to feel you.” And feel you, he does. He rubs his cock at your entrance and you watch him intently as the craving your body has for him reaches an all time high.

His teasing you now, he rubs his manhood once more on your entrance and you feel a shiver go down your spine. You are about to shout at him to fucking put his cock inside of you but the only sound that escapes you is a loud pleasurable moan when he finally enters you and your body happily welcoming him back.

The ecstasy you feel in that moment when you become one is unexplainable. He reaches down to kiss you as his dick goes deeper into your body and you moan once more.

He slowly moves out and you moan again and then he moves himself back inside…..he starts off slow, teasing you or himself and then his thrusts become faster, harder…..wilder….All your brain knows how to correspond is to moan and wrap your arms around him.

Then he pulls out of you and lays himself next to you. You follow his body…Unsure what his doing. His hands direct you and you gravitate on top of Jimin facing away from him and lower yourself back onto his dick. It feels so good, so familiar. You wiggle around on top off him.

“Ah fuck, __, you’re such a tease,” he groans holding your hips now. An amused smile appears on your face, you would love to tease him some more but you are too turned on.

So, you do the only thing you can, you ride him into oblivion. You ride up and down feeling his dick deep in you, you are enjoying yourself. You love taking control, setting the pace but then Jimin hands start to wonder and one hand starts playing with your hard nipple, pinching and flicking it and the other moves down to your clit and starts to rub it in a such a vigorous way that body starts to spasm.

This is too much, you whimper. Everything is too much…..”Does that feel good __,” he asks mischievously knowing good and well how much what his doing to you right now is affecting you. His sexy voice doesn’t even help.

He unexpectedly flips you over on the bed. And now his on top of you and you are facing the bed. His still inside you and just by the way his fucking you, you can tell his about to lose it. You slightly lift your bottom up to meet his thrust and he stops for a second, surprised!

You take advantage of that and lean back even more until you are on all fours. That’s when you feel him moving inside of you again. His motions are so in sync with your body that he hits the spot that literally makes your mind go blank. “Oh shit, Jimin…..you found it….” You moan feeling a new sensation every time he thrusts inside of you. Again and again and….

“___, I’m about…” he moans thrusting inside you again.

“A few more seconds Jimin,” you somehow manage to say. “Ah, fuck,” he groans pumping into you hard and fast and then his hand moves under you and reaches for your sweet spot again. You hold your breath as he begins to play with your clit whilst hitting your sensitive spot with his dick.

“I…..love…you,” he moans and he thrusts into you once more before he explodes inside of you and you reach your orgasm.

Your sex tingles excitedly as you feel the pleasure of the climax. You drop onto the bed exhausted and bury your face in the blankets. You hear Jimin collapse next to you.

When you finally recover your senses you turn your head to Jimin.

“What kind of a sex wizard are you?”

“I’m not a sex wizard, just a simple man who has been patiently waiting for the woman he loves.”

You bury your head in the blankets shy again and then you feel a liquid sort of substance between your legs. You move your hand down to feel it and then you smack Jimin.

“You really cumed inside of me.”

“I’m sorry,” he pouts and makes that cute puppy face.

You get up and heard to the bathroom to clean yourself up. If you hadn’t gone on the pill and both of you hadn’t been tested and had come back all clean you might have been angry but you are smarter now.

You heard back into the bedroom and look at the paintings again.

“You really went all out to get laid,” you laugh hopping back onto the bed.

“I had to make use of all make my cards,” he pulls you into him.

“And I still don’t think I have used them all up just yet,” he leans in ready for round two.

You would like to say that you put up a fight but in all honesty you didn’t. You let Jimin fuck you again and as a result it was a VERY entertaining night.

-------------------

The sound of a bang wakes up the morning. Your body feels sore but surprisingly you are happy as can be. When you open your eyes a wide smile crosses your face. Everything that happened last night replays itself in your mind and you wish to just lay there and relive it all. It was that incredible.

You turn over expecting to see Jimin still asleep on the other side of the bed but it’s empty. You conclude that the sound that woke you up was probably Jimin leaving to get something.

Still tired you force yourself to get out of bed and freshen up in the morning. You need breakfast, you are ravished.

With your eyes half opened you enter the bathroom and spot an unopened toothbrush. You use that to brush your teeth as your eyes open and close. After that you splash water on your face a few times. That does the trick to wake you up. You then look at the mirror ready to sort out your messy hair.

That’s when you see it.

The ring on the fourth finger on the left hand. The diamond is so big it almost blinds you, okay I don’t know why I’m joking at a moment like this. But THERE IS A DIAMOND RING ON YOUR LEFT HAND. On the finger that's supposed to be reserved for a person’s engagement and wedding ring.

“JIMIN,” you shout his name too frazzled to even try and understand the meaning of this.

“Jimin,” you walk out of the bedroom and down the hallway until you are met with red rose petals on the floor. What the!

Mouth open you slowly follow their trail until you see Jimin standing there beautiful as ever surrounded by red rose petals shaped as a heart.

For the first time, you are lost for words, you are just full of emotions and shock.

So you just watch Jimin walk towards you. His eyes welling up as well. You can sense that he is nervous.

“Did you sleep well?” he asks in a shaky voice holding your hand and rubbing the finger with the ring on it.

You just scrunch your nose, tears filling up.

“You mean the world to me __, every moment I spend with is the happiest moment of my life. I didn’t know this type of love existed until I met you,” he pauses and then goes down on one knee.

Ohh, this is really happening..

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to be your protector, your lover, your friend and your confidant. Will you marry me?” He asks the question you have heard a million times on the television but you never in a million years imagined it would be said to you. It’s not the fact that the question is being asked its the journey, the bond between two people that has been built and ultimately lead both of you to this moment.

There’s only one answer in your heart.

“Yes! Jimin, yes, I will marry you,” you finally find your voice and as soon as Jimin hears those words he gets up on his feet and gives you the tightest hug.

“Yes…so you want to be my wife,” he leans back and looks at you, eyes full of emotions.

And a happy tear finally escapes your eye and rolls down your cheek and you nod in agreement.

“I want to be your wife, Park Jimin,” you answer overjoyed.

If you could capture a single moment in your life it would be this moment right here. When you are utterly and blissfully happy. Happy for the time you have spent together and also happy for the years you will have together in the future. To think you were just a girl who moved to the city for a job, you really had no idea what lay ahead of you.

Even now, as you celebrate the new beginnings with Jimin, the future is still a mystery but you are excited go through it as long as you have Jimin with you.

[THE END]

[Your 88th birthday]

“Stay still __, I’m almost done,” Jimin peaks from the canvas and looks over at his muse once again.

You are 88 years old now, my how time flies. You have lived a long and fulfilling life, you have had four children. Three boys and a girl. Who knew Jimin would want a big family. You watched them in their diapers crawling to saying goodbye as they left for university and now you are already a grandmother. You watch now as two of your children take over and successfully run the accounting firm you started many years ago.

“You get slower as the years go by Jimin,” you shout at him.

“And you get snappier,” he responds. You let out a laugh. Very much grateful for all the decades you have spent together with Jimin. You have really watched each other grow old. Watched as the grey hairs appeared, your bodies changed and your minds became wiser.

“There done,” he announces. You slowly get up from your chair and walk over to where he stands.

Then you see the painting he made and it still warms your heart just as it did when you were younger. Maybe more so now because each stroke is made more meaningful because of the time you have spent together.

“You have always known how to capture my heart Park Jimin,” you say at last.

[THE END FOR REAL NOW]

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I'm crying, I can't believe I have finished this story. From where it started and the reason why I started to write this story to the development of y/n, Jimin and Jungkook and everything that has happened. I can't believe it has come to an end. I honestly, had a lot of fun writing this and I can't believe it took almost a year to finish the story.

From the bottom of my heart thank you everyone who took they're time to read the story. Since for me it is the first fanfic I wrote and it ended up being this long. It's crazy to me in a sense when I think that someone's going to read the words that I have written and exciting when you guys leave a like as I know that you are enjoying it.

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jmspttt · 5 years

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In Defense of Sincerity

Sincerity has been on my mind for the last half of 2018. I am not entirely sure where the initial interest in the concept came from. Follow me through a couple of different threads:

What is sincerity/what does it mean for a person to be sincere?

Sincerity: freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; probity in intention or in communicating; earnestness.

The first thing I think of when I think of sincerity is other words like believable, genuine, honest and real. In my mind it is a combination of the quality of the character of a person as well as their tone and disposition. I can think of a few friends who I really respect and admire. When it comes to social issues there are some friends I agree with and there are some I totally disagree with and a lot in between. The really interesting thing though is to think of the people that I disagree with but I still respect and admire. What is it about those people that I respect and admire? I believe a consistent trait in those people is a sincerity of belief. Like you, I find the majority of people that disagree with me to not very intelligent, but there are a few that break the mold. It’s a weird thing to try to articulate these days when the popular strategy is to villainize someone who thinks differently than you, but I feel as though I can believe somebody without agreeing with them. I think that has been critical in learning from other people and truly challenging yourself.

For contrast, think about the people you know that seem to argue for the sake of the argument. It’s one thing to enjoy a healthy debate, I know a lot of people that are like that and I love talking with them. But I can think of plenty of people that can’t help but primarily play Devil’s Advocate just to be contrary. It may be worth thinking of the devil’s position, but do you really want to be the Devil’s Advocate? Does that position seem sincere? If the Devil’s Advocate can only argue from that position than what belief do they actually hold themselves? (Have I typed the phrase enough times to make you think about the absurdity of it?)

Wherever someone may be at, positive or negative, constructive or deconstructive, I like being around and talking to people that are sincere and have a believable and honest tone. I don’t expect everyone to think like I do, but I do expect a certain amount of honesty. I am tired of excessive, hypothetical, devil’s advocate, just for fun discussions of issues that don’t actually matter to people.

Why is sincerity such a desirable trait to me?

I should say first off that I don’t think sarcasm or any of these “insincere” attitudes are inherently wrong, sometimes the only suitable response to a mortal enemy’s nonsense is a generous stab of sharpened sarcasm. It is also incredibly important to self examine a belief for possible (or hypothetical) weaknesses and unforeseen consequences.

As a self diagnosed introvert, it is far easier for me to remain in my head. In a social setting I would much rather use a strategy of cheap and easy sarcastic jokes as well as hypothetical jokes to due my part to keep a conversation going. It is much more difficult for me to instead interact with a sincere tone and disposition. Why is that? I think that there is an inherent vulnerability to sincerity. It is built into sincerity to show who you are, and that then opens oneself up to the world. What could be more terrifying for the introverts of the world?

I think that this is the crux of it. Personally I can’t think of much worse than opening myself to ridicule. Even now as I type I can’t help but run through all the various ways that this could be read and perceived. Am I being thoughtful enough? Am I sounding silly? On and on goes the internal mind of a self examining introvert. Right now in order to battle my weaknesses and try to develop my character I am attempting to go against my better instincts and put my thoughts into writing. This year when it comes to social settings, I want to go against my instincts and err on the side of sincerity as opposed to what is easy and primarily being sarcastic. It is feels like an inherently vulnerable but all too important act to be truly sincere.

Perhaps the most important place to think of sincerity is in terms of my own life of faith and relationship with the presence of God. Can I even ask God to give me the faith and the prayer life of Brother Lawrence without doing so sincerely? I want to truly mean what I pray and ask for. I do not want to practice a life of faith as a concept or an idea but as a sincere way of being. I am only only now beginning to think of my faith in this way.

The etherealness of sincerity.

The tricky thing for me is how to think of it. I cannot think of very many practical steps in order to pursue sincerity. Most steps in this direction seem to be negative for me. I can think of plenty of things I want to do less. I want to be less sarcastic and I want to be less interested in the purely hypothetical, but it is harder to tell what the positive steps to take in this direction are. The marks of sincerity I think of are less than quantifiable. How can I measure my tone? How can I measure how earnest I sound? This is difficult for me.

The only way I can speak of the sincerity of other people is “how they feel” or “how they come off”. It is perhaps an untenable thing to judge whether or not someone is sincere or not, but at the same time it feels like the most important thing in the world to say about someone. How wonderful is it to meet someone and walk away thinking that they seemed sincere in conversation? How great would it be to be someone who is known as being a sincere friend? Sincerity is hard to prove but easy to feel. I cannot help but desire it and also wonder if I have it.

To finish

I hope next time I see you my friend that you are not wondering If I am secretly judging your sincerity. My intention is to judge myself first of all. I believe there is a verse in the Bible about removing the log in my own eye before I concern myself with the speck in someone else’s eye. I hope and pray that I become sincere in my social interactions, my own inner life, and in my faith. This will be an ongoing project for myself and I only hope to given you something to think about as well. I hope to write much more and finally let out some of the things rattling around in my head and I really hope that they are taken as being sincere.

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beneaththetangles · 4 years

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BtT Light Novel Club Chapter 18: The World’s Least Interesting Master Swordsman, Vol. 1!

Welcome to the next chapter of our Light Novel Club! It is in times like this, where we’re quarantined in the middle of a pandemic, when novels and light novels can be great for giving us something to do without going out. And if all of the virus news gets a bit too much, a trip to another world can sound awfully inviting. So join us as we take a trip to a fantasy world where we find The World’s Least Interesting Master Swordsman (courtesy of J-Novel Club) and how to become an overpowered protagonist by simply training for half a century!

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1. What are your overall impressions of the novel?

Jeskai Angel: This book is a humorous isekai tale that uses its unusually aged protagonist to poke fun at common isekai tropes. Thanks to some of its more elderly characters (e.g., the protagonist, the Regent), the story also had so many practical observations about life and human nature that it reminded me a little of Bottom-Tier Character Tomozaki.

stardf29: So I have an admission to make here. Before this novel got licensed, I had actually found–and read–some of its manga adaptation on a fan scanlation site. (For the record, I have a strict policy of not using such sites for licensed content.) And… well, it bored me, so I dropped it (right about after Sansui and Saiga’s second fight).

So I was quite surprised to find out how much I liked it when reading the novel. The story really does need Sansui’s narration and getting his thoughts on everything going on around him. That’s what makes this an interesting look at the usual isekai premise to me.

2. What do you think of the novel’s humorous jabs at isekai cliches?

Jeskai Angel: What fascinated me is that this book seems like it’s both deconstructing and reconstructing isekai stories at the same time (this trope came to mind). There are a bunch of scenes and characters that blatantly highlight the silliness or impracticality of common isekai elements. Yet this isn’t just a parody whose only purpose is to lampoon the genre. This book has a real and at least semi-serious isekai story of its own to tell. Of special relevance here is that a number of characters switch (sometimes more than once) between being appearing as humorous caricatures and being portrayed as more complex and realistic people. As a result, this LN comes across as a loving critique of isekai stories, without reaching the point of being a satirical condemnation of the genre. It’s really kind of cool to see the author balance these elements. Sansui, after meeting Saiga and his harem, says, “It’s about then that I seriously begin to question if I’m actually in another world, or if I’ve been sent to some anime or light novel’s setting instead.” This question challenges readers as well — should we interpret characters like Saiga, Lady Douve, and “God” as jokes, or see them in a more serious light?

stardf29: Good call on the Decon-Recon Switch. While the story definitely pokes fun at the usual isekai tropes–and that is one of the draws of this series–it also doesn’t go out of its way to make things miserable for everyone (though some people definitely are having a better time than others).

Having multiple people brought over from Japan independently is a nice way to approach this. It’s far from the only story to do this, but it does nevertheless mean we get some different approaches to the overpowered protagonist experience, and seeing how Sansui and Saiga play off each other is fun. I especially like when they get to make video game references to each other to help explain things.

3.What do you think of the various characters?

3a. Sansui

Jeskai Angel: I was really impressed by how successful the author was at selling me on the idea that Sansui is over 500. I don’t know how a 500-year-old person would act (I suppose none of us have met one, LOL), but at the very least, Sansui is a striking contrast to most LN protagonists. He’s unfailingly calm & levelheaded, never acting impulsively out of desperation or fear or anger. He pragmatically accepts what happens even if he doesn’t like it, rather than giving any speeches about rebelling against fate or changing the world or something. He’s humble, but not pathologically so. He doesn’t care about showing off or impressing people; he doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone. He perceptively critiques the failings of others, yet he remains quite empathetic toward them all the while (his attitude toward Douve & Saiga stands out in this regard). His humorous narration is the heart of the story.

I don’t know if he realistically acts like a 500-year-old, but I’m pretty sure he’s the most mature LN protagonist I’ve ever seen (the next closest might be Teacher from Reincarnated as a Sword? Maybe Veight from Der Werwolf?). Sansui consistently projects a sort of world-weary maturity & insight that really helps me believable he’s lived for centuries, & which strongly contrasts him with typical isekai protagonists. The unusual basis of Sansui’s abilities is also notable: he didn’t receive instant super powers & he’s not a young prodigy. He earned his ability through a lot of work.

One mystery does intrigue me: Sansui seems surprisingly blasé about dying, leaving behind family & friends, & being sent to another world. Thinking of other isekai protagonists who weren’t terribly happy with their old lives (e.g. Mile, Veight), I can’t help but wonder if life in Japan wasn’t kind to Sansui, & whether we’ll see more of this background in the future.

stardf29: Sansui is, ironically enough, quite interesting. Or rather, he himself might not be very interesting, but his path in life definitely is. His path as an Immortal reminds me of Buddhism and its ultimate goal of being free of desire of impermanent things, hence how he does not eat or feel romantic attraction, and by and large does not care too much about what is happening around him. It certainly gives him a nice big-picture perspective on things, but at the same time, I can’t help but wonder if maybe he has lost too much “humanity” in the process. In that sense, having to take care of Lain is a potentially big shake-up for him, and something I wish this volume would have gotten into more. Hopefully future volumes will get more into this.

3b. Saiga

Jeskai Angel: While Sansui’s narration is vital to the book, I thought one of the story’s neatest tricks was introducing us to Saiga through Sansui’s POV, but then suddenly allowing Saiga to narrate portions of the story as well. Our aged protagonist hilariously skewers Saiga for being a miserable little pile of clichés, & some stories would have stopped with using Saiga as comic relief, but this one turned around & built him back up. Through both Sansui’s own thoughts & Saiga’s direct narration, this caricature turns out to be a lot more human. He’s still flawed, but he’s far from the unsympathetic buffoon he first seemed to be. I was especially impressed by the humility he showed after his third defeat, & the way he accept Sansui’s wisdom.

Saiga became pivotal to how I read the entire story. He is the clearest example of the author deconstructing & reconstructing a trope. So as the story complexifies Saiga beyond his trope-skewering first impression, I can’t help but wonder about all the other seemingly cliché-mocking characters. Other important figures like “God” and Lady Douve come across as jokes at first, just like Saiga… But are they? They don’t all get to narrate their own side of the story, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t more going on with them.

A lingering mystery is WHEN does Saiga come from? He arrived in the fantasy world 500 years after Sansui did…so did he die sometime in the 2500s? But that’s hard to accept. To Sansui, Saiga is wearing a totally normal school uniform — would uniforms remain unchanged that long? They also understand common references like Sansui’s video game analogies. This suggests they are from roughly the same era in our world. But if Saiga & Sansui are from the same era, why exactly did “God” reincarnate them at such different points in time?

stardf29: One theory is that the timelines of this fantasy world compared to “our” world are not completely parallel, so maybe 500 years in that world is only a few years in “our” world. Kind of like Narnia time. Hence Saiga might have died in “our” world not too long after Sansui, despite ending up in said world some centuries later.

Alternatively, “God” might be purposely choosing these times to place his otherworldly visitors…

As for Saiga himself, he’s very much the “typical” isekai protagonist, but not in a bad way; he’s earnest, likable, and knows his video games. He genuinely cares about his harem, and is able to accept losing to Sansui once he realizes the difference in how long they’ve lived. So yeah, it’s very nice to see how, rather than just being a joke, he’s actually a person trying to live the best life he can. He might not have made for an interesting protagonist, but he does well as a side character.

3c. Douve

Jeskai Angel: As with Saiga, at first Lady Douve is just a cliche, the arrogant, shallow, privileged young woman. Sansui outright says her personality is “that of a stereotypical spoiled noblewoman.” She’s a funny joke, & not an especially evil person, but at the outset there isn’t much to like about her. But the story forces me to doubt this first impression. For me, the key was when she finds out about Tahlan. Was it really just coincidence that Douve’s capricious whimsy caused her to take immediate interest in both Sansui & Tahlan, despite barely knowing anything about them? All she knows about Sansui when she offers to hire him is that he’s some weird kid with a baby and unusual jumping ability. She becomes interested in Tahlan just from hearing about him. Did she randomly glom on to these two Rare Arts-using blademasters who, surprise, surprise, also happen to be among the most goodhearted people in the story? Once might be a coincidence, but twice? I can’t help but suspect Lady Douve is actually sharper than her petty aristocrat act would lead us to assume.

Sansui’s own observations also helped me see Lady Douve more sympathetically. At one point he remarks, “I’m starting to feel a little worried for Lady Douve. It might just be that she’s actually a very unfortunate person, and she’s just oblivious to it.” As we see the obsessive & controlling way her father & elder brother treat her, Lady Douve’s own peculiarities or ways of acting out become increasingly understandable. There’s also mention of how Douve truly wants to be loved, not just sought for her beauty or as a steppingstone to power. As Sansui notes, “She’s not even twenty, but I guess she’s starting to get desperate. There’s no malice in Lady Douve’s feelings; if anything, there’s even a touch of sadness there.” She is a comically exaggerated version of an isekai trope, but she’s also deeper than that.

3d: “God”

Jeskai Angel: A group of wolves is called a pack. A group of lions is called a pride. And a group of coincidences is called a pattern. This entity known as “God” only appears in person briefly at the start of the tale, but his fingerprints show up suspiciously often. Initially, of course, “God” just seems like a exaggerated cliché. The scene where a newly dead protagonist appears before deity & hears “Sorry you’re dead, let me reincarnate you in another world with great power” is a staple of many isekai stories. Off the top of my head, I follow By the Grace of the Gods, I Shall Survive Using Potions, & Didn’t I Say To Make My Abilities Average, all of which have this kind of scene. I think it also happens in Konosuba and In Another World with My Smartphone? Master Swordsman just leans into the ridiculousness of the scenario. “God’s” nonsensical excuses about killing Sansui & Saiga are…remarkable.

But that’s not the end of the matter. We find out “God” apparently has a habit of “accidentally” killing Japanese high schoolers & resurrecting them in this other world with special powers. The first hint is the way Master Suiboku reacts upon meeting Sansui: “Oh, God sent a another visitor from another world.” That’s not the most logical response to meeting an oddly dressed stranger in the middle of nowhere…unless you’ve seen it happen before. Later we meet Saiga. Then we hear the history of magic lecture about more super-powered Japanese folks. Then we get Paulette’s revelation about her OP Japanese friend, & learn that the fourth Great House has a similar champion. Finally, His Brothership & His Fathership indicate that Pseudo Revolutionary France has a similar asset. There’s also Paulette’s cryptic comment to consider: “…a time is coming when these four aces will need to work together.” It keeps getting harder to believe it’s all just a joke.

When I started reading this novel, I took the depiction of God as lighthearted mockery of a stock scene that has appeared in a number of reincarnation-type isekai stories. But as it went on & the clues kept adding up, I grew more & more convinced that “God” is up to something & isn’t just the clownish dunderhead he acted like in front of Sansui & Saiga.

stardf29: Yep, there’s definitely reason to believe “God” is orchestrating things in a particular way. After all, it’s clear that these otherworlders are affecting the world in major ways. In a way it’s yet another example of the story’s decon-recon of overpowered isekai protagonists; you can’t put massively overpowered beings in a world and not expect things to be twisted around them. And “God” may very well be intentionally twisting things here…

3e: Blois

Jeskai Angel: Blois might be the only major character the story hasn’t gone out of its way to poke fun at so far? Likewise, nothing really jumped out at me in terms of clues that she will have great hidden depths. She’s the sane, normal, serious character, often serving as a foil to the antics of Lady Douve & occasionally even toward Sansui. The sidestory in particular let her play that role, inspiring me to make Bloiromir…

I did find it particularly interesting that Blois remains desirous of a relationship with Sansui even after finding out his true age. Given the comedic emphasis of the story, my expectation was that Blois would be freaked out by the whole concept of Sansui being an ancient immortal & there would be some sort of humorous scene where she retracts her expression of interest. Instead, she processes this new information & earnestly affirms that her feelings are unchanged.

3f. Paulette

stardf29: It feels like it’s rare in light novels to have a character who’s a religious leader of sorts and is actually portrayed positively. Paulette is a nice contrast to the other known house leaders who are definitely more of the typical self-centered (albeit not malicious) noble ladies. She also has an interesting struggle with times when she has to resolve things with violence even when she personally wishes she doesn’t have to; at the same time, she has a good sense of justice and isn’t afraid to do what she needs to in order to expose wrongdoing. I’d definitely like to see more of her.

Jeskai Angel: Is Paulette a reconstruction of flawed aristocratic characters in general? This story gives us several nobles who are…exceedingly quirky, if not outright wicked: Douve and her family, Happine, Nuri, etc. And I bet if we took a few moments, we could probably name a dozen decadent / corrupt / inept / arrogant aristocrats from other stories. I wonder if at least a portion of our negative view of aristocrats comes from modern society’s disdain of formal class systems; the concept of nobles just goes against our egalitarian sensibilities. Amid such figures, Paulette is a refreshingly exemplary noblewoman: responsible, effective, smart, etc. — and with no glaring instances of weirdness, stupidity, or evilness. She challenges our assumptions about aristocrats with realistic complexity.

4. Old Man Sansui makes many wise observations (the Regent also gets some insightful comments), so did you have any favorite life lessons or sage advice dispensed in this story?

Jeskai Angel: “It’s not enough to state the truth. Words are meaningless if the person won’t hear them.” Sansui is right on the money. I’ve spent a long time learning this lesson, as I’ve tried to grow as a writer. We can’t stop at just being right — we must strive to communicate effectively with other people, or else our being right does them no good.

“Other people are just that: other people. I need to focus on my own flaws.” Sansui is adept at critiquing the failings of Douve, Saiga, etc., but he doesn’t lose sight of the reality that he & they are all flawed, fallible humans. To borrow from Jesus’ teaching, we might say Sansui needs to focus on getting the log out of his own eye, not on worrying about the speck in someone else’s eye. He is introspective enough to recognize on several occasions that he could have handled a situation better & that he needs to grow, yet he avoids becoming overly discouraged by his missteps.

“People, not swords, should decide when and why to fight.” This speak to the importance of understanding ends & means properly. A proverbial example would be the non-profit institution that becomes more focused on bringing in money to sustain itself than on whatever good mission the organization started with. Swords are a means to fight, but having a sword does not mean fighting is the goal itself. I think religious people often become fixated on things that should just be means, but get treated as ends unto themselves. Jesus’ rebuke to the Pharisees about tithing garden herbs while neglecting justice & mercy comes to mind.

stardf29: I think I’ll go with this one: “A life obsessed with winning and losing is stifling.” This was Sansui’s advice to Saiga, and he goes on to explain how, for him, it’s more about fixing his own flaws than a desire to “win” or “lose”. Overall I think he has a good point here, in that focusing too much on defeating others is ultimately a desire for constant conflict, and one has to think if that really is the way they want to live.

5. What are your thoughts on the setting of the story and the various events going on in the background?

Jeskai Angel: On first impression, it seems like a fairly generic fantasy world that exists only to aid the story’s critique of isekai tropes. IIRC, that really starts to change when Paulette shows up. She introduces politics and foreign affairs to the story, cluing us in the complicated dynamics between the four Great Houses and the royal family, and also bringing attention to the emigre nobles who fled the revolution in Pseudo-France and how war is brewing. Learning about these broader issues that exist outside of Sansui’s personal orbit helps the world feel richer. My view of the setting was also influence by the Saiga Effect, where after seeing how Saiga was rebuilt into a more realistic character, I started to wonder if the seemingly cliche bland fantasy setting is deeper than it first appears.

On a different note, I eventually realized why the story felt somewhat sparse on world-building details. All but a couple short sections of the book are narrated by Sansui or Saiga, the latter of whom is still fairly new to this world and the former of whom has been here a long time but spent almost all of it in total isolation. There’s probably a TON that our two narrators simply don’t know about the setting, so it makes sense to leave it out of the narrative until there’s a reason for natives of the setting to explain.

Oh, I tweeted about this a while back, but I also found it intriguing that Master Swordsman is one of a number of (relatively) recent (to be translated & published in America) light novels to draw inspiration from the French Revolution. The absolutely amazing Tearmoon Empire is basically time traveling to prevent the French Revolution, and Altina the Sword Princess is aiming to LEAD the French Revolution of her setting. In Master Swordsman, the unnamed neighboring country has suffered civil war, famine, slaughtered aristocrats, overthrown the royal family, seen counter-uprisings against the revolution in some areas, and has the logic of revolution carrying it to embark upon foreign wars. Taken all together, the intended historical parallel seems clear. Interestingly, the revolution is yet to occur in the other two series, but here, the revolution is an accomplished fact, and people in the Arcana Kingdom are stuck dealing with the consequences. Another difference is that the other two series are set in the country where a revolution will / may take place, whereas Master Swordsman takes place in a non-revolutionary kingdom that borders Pseudo France.

stardf29: What stands out to me is what we had mentioned earlier, about how all these overpowered people from another world are messing with established political structures. It definitely sets up an interesting situation domestically, where the royal family is wary of the major noble houses and their “aces,” and it makes me wonder what kind of conflict that will lead to later on. And then there’s the pseudo-French Revolution going on in the next country over, which is intriguing because at this point we don’t really know that much about it. We’re mainly just getting scattered clues as to what’s going on over there, and it’s fun trying to piece those clues together. There’s definitely reason to believe that another “ace” is involved in some way, but other than that, we just have to wait for further volumes.

6. What do you make of the various “romances” in the story so far?

Jeskai Angel: I feel like the romances in the story, at this point, are basically “Schrödinger’s relationship.” They exist in an indeterminate state where they are simultaneously both jokes and serious relationships.

Saiga’s harem is very much used as a source of humor. Douve’s talk of marrying Sansui is a point of humor. Blois herself seems perfectly sincere about her interest in Sansui, but their relationship is still treated as source of levity thanks to the antics of Douve and also His Brothership and His Fathership (like that scene where they express approval for Blois and Sansui to marry while pointedly ignoring Sansui). And of course Douve’s interest in Tahlan is played comedically (e.g., her melodramatic reaction to learning that he’s the brother of Happine’s sister-in-law).

But as with other aspects of the book, there are indications that these relationships may be more than just laughable cliches meant to poke fun at light novel romance conventions. So even if Douve and her family treat Blois and Sansui’s relationship humorously, the two interested parties (and even little Lain!) seem to be perfectly serious about it. Sansui pokes a lot of fun at Saiga’s harem, but the story also treats their relationship more soberly by showing how the girls genuinely care about him and by discussing the practical difficulties a harem romance brings. With Douve and Tahlan, Sansui’s observations about Douve being unfortunate, sad, and desperate strongly suggest that as readers we should see a meaningful dimension to Douve’s interest beyond just Douve being her usual foolish noblewoman self.

All these relationships, or potential relationships, are indeed amusing, but the narrative seems to show that they have (or at least might have) more significant weight than mere jokes. It will be interesting to see where things go from here. Will they all turn into legit romantic relationships? Will none of them? Or might some be handled more seriously while others remain the butt of jokes?

stardf29: Starting off with Saiga and his harem, while it definitely starts off as a joke, there does seem to be a more serious side here. In particular, we see how Saiga is warned that people will not be as accepting of a Hex User as one of his girls, despite how he wants to treat her as on equal standing as the other two girls. And as for those other two, one of them is the lady of a major noble house and the other is a foreign princess, so that could have all sorts of interesting political implications. The key thing here is that Saiga genuinely loves and cares about all of them, which means he’s invested in protecting his relationships despite whatever reality has to say about it. There’s definitely potential for some interesting effects as a result, so I say this is something to keep an eye on.

With Lady Douve and Tahlan, I just think they’re a nice couple. Douve shows a nice bit of vulnerability with how she doesn’t want to be married off as a political tool, and I’m glad she has this chance to find love on her own (if she manages to get past the implication of being tangentially related to her greatest rival). Let’s just hope her father and brother don’t try to mess things up too much…

Now, as for Sansui and Blois… this one definitely intrigues me. On Blois’s side, we see how strongly she feels about Sansui that even the news that he’s an Immortal over half a century old doesn’t change her feelings, and she’s willing to deal with Sansui’s lack of feelings for her. On Sansui’s side, though… as I mentioned before, I have to wonder how much Sansui’s lack of romantic interest, along with his lack of hunger and desire in general, is a loss of his humanity. (I want to differentiate this from actual asexuality; I do not mean to imply that not having sexual attraction means you are any less “human”; Sansui is a special case because he also lost other desires like hunger, and it came about as a result of his Immortal training.) I’m definitely curious if Sansui will regain some semblance of romantic desire later on, or if maybe he will remain as he is and accept a relationship for more practical purposes like giving Lain a mother.

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And that’s our discussion for this month! Leave your own answers to the above questions in the comments.

As a reminder, our next Light Novel Club discussion is on Spice and Wolf, Vol. 2! It will be posted on April 23rd, so if you’re looking for something to do while under lockdown, why not give it a read?

#Light Novels #The World's Least Interesting Master Swordsman #Jimi na Kensei wa Soredemo Saikyou desu #Isekai #BtT Light Novel Club #Author: stardf29 #Author: JeskaiAngel

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