#the scene where some people went like i thought they're going to kiss
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Season 2 thoughts on character growth, and whether there was any...
I respectfully disagree with some of the viewpoints that the choices made at the end of s2 brought the characters right back to where they were, or that it undid all the growth they went through during s1.
The MAIN reason I say that, is this:
The final scene mirrors the bandstand scene SO much.
Crowley is asking them to run away together, and Aziraphale is saying they can't. Or, he won't.
Crowley is not tied to either side, he is tied to "us". Aziraphale is tied to Heaven.
But it's not the SAME argument. At the bandstand, Aziraphale is pushing Crowley away. Crowley WON'T and CAN'T join him in Heaven, but Aziraphale cannot find it within him to leave. Heaven is the source of good! It is godly! It is everything just and right in the world! He has to do a lot of gaslighting to himself to believe that, but that's where he's coming from.
He's telling Crowley it's over, they're not on the same side, they can't be together.
The argument in the bookshop is very, very similar, but fundamentally different.
This time, they are both screaming their love for one another. They are not TRYING to push the other away, they are both pulling on opposite ends of the rope trying to pull the other one back to them.
Aziraphale still has not let go of Heaven, but this time he makes it clear: Heaven is BROKEN. Heaven SHOULD be all of those things that Aziraphale thought it was, but it isn't. But maybe he could fix it. And he doesn't want to fix it alone -- he WANTS Crowley, he NEEDS Crowley.
In season 1, Aziraphale's mindset was, "I just have to talk to the right people, and THEY will fix everything."
In season 2, Aziraphale's mindset is, "There are no right people, we have to BE the right people. I can fix Crowley, and then WE can fix everything and Crowley and I could be happy together."
That's not to say there aren't things that have stayed the same, things that they haven't learned yet and still need to.
I think one of the things that Aziraphale doesn't understand yet though -- and one thing that he STILL needs to realize -- is that the problem isn't in the labels. One thing that has remained the same is that Aziraphale still sees them as an angel and a demon, and if only he could "fix" this for Crowley, everything would be better, all of that demonic trauma will go away, and Crowley can be the joyous angel he was.
Crowley's side of the argument is very similar, but also different. He hears everything Aziraphale has to say about Heaven, and still opens up to him. He still pours his heart out about his feelings and how they should be together. He doesn't put the walls up until the very end, and even then, even then -- he doesn't just leave immediately like he did before. He kisses Aziraphale, he shows him just what exactly is on the line, and then he watches Aziraphale go.
He isn't going to let Aziraphale just make this decision without having to look him in the face as he does it. He stands by the Bentley, and makes it clear that HE is not the one walking away this time -- Aziraphale is. He can't be in the bookshop anymore -- and what kind of sanctuary is it now anyway -- but he hasn't gone anywhere.
What he still doesn't understand is Aziraphale's point of view. He understands his own point of view, having presumably seen a high-level view of Heaven, one in which he was asked to create, but never told "oh no not like that" until it was too late. Aziraphale was evidently told that. From the very beginning, Aziraphale understands that one mustn't ask questions, he understands that it is not HIS position to create.
Crowley says that extreme sanctions were something they just joked about to scare the cherubs. He has access to high-level material. He clearly has seen Heaven from a privileged vantage point, and he fell from that high place. Aziraphale's demeanor tells me his position was closer to Muriel's -- respect the higher authorities. What Heaven is now, was what Heaven has ALWAYS been for Aziraphale.
Heaven is flawed to Aziraphale, but as a whole it is not that different from the Heaven that was, when Crowley was happy there. I don't think that Crowley understands why Aziraphale doesn't understand why he can never go back. I don't think he understands why Aziraphale can't see that it isn't just the fall that hurt him, because Aziraphale doesn't feel the enormity of what Crowley lost.
What is interesting is that now Aziraphale will get to see, when he's "in charge". I think that season 3 will see that growth in both of them -- I think Aziraphale will finally understand that perspective.
And I could also see that maybe Aziraphale will find a way to make a difference. Maybe it irrevocably changes Heaven and Hell forever. Either way, I bet it will take both of their perspectives together to make it work, and both of their perspectives will change for the better so they can finally let go of everything that happened and finally be fully free together.
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Puppy
Request from anon:
hiiiii, first I wanna say that I enjoy reading your works, they're wonderful. <3
Now, I've seen you post about wanting Lockwood requests and I might have an idea. Lockwood and reader are in long-term relationship (they know each other since childhood, the reader is talentless but Lockwood comes to her when he need to relax/help with a plan/whatever), and no-one knows about the relationship besides them. And after some rough case when kipss crew had to help out, Lockwood and co and kipss crew are drinking in a bar to ease up (the reader works in the bar as part-time job) and in the drunken state Lockwood is even more confident than normally so someone makes a bet with him that he won be able to get a kiss out of the bartender (the reader) by the end of the night... I don't really know what after but maybe you'll be able to find a fluffy/funny ending to it?
I hope I'm making sense.
Have a nice day! :)))
First of all, thank you for the love anon, and I hope you have a nice day too!! <3
Second, I am completely in love with this idea (it's totally something Lockwood would do let's face it) and I had so much fun writing this!!!
Hopefully this lives up to expectations my lovely <3
Word count: 3.5k
Warnings: descriptions of injury, fight scenes (with dead people), swearing, suggestive comments, drunken activities (mostly Lockwood), everybody is over 18 so they can legally drink in the pub
Tag list: @anathemaloren, @augustisintheair, @avdiobliss, @dangelnleif, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @karensirkobabes, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @ran23sblog, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @wandamaximoffbae, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife
As always, if you'd like to be added to/removed from the tag list, let me know here <3
(not my gif <3)
Lockwood was tired.
He'd barely slept the night before, despite not having a case, and he'd barely eaten the whole day. It was nearing 7pm now, the sun having set over an hour ago and leaving the city in almost darkness. There would be no sleeping tonight, either, since he and his company had to tackle a Type One in an old lady's house. All Lockwood really wanted was to see her, and have her tell him stories about her day until he fell asleep in her arms, but he couldn't do that right now. Hopefully this would be done quickly, this job, so that he could get to hers before she went to sleep.
Lockwood and Co had been in the kitchen of Mrs Lovey's house for a while now, cups of tea left empty on the counter and the packet of biscuits finished off. Initial readings had been low, giving Lockwood hope that they really would be done quickly, and they'd made note of the likely places for the Source.
"Lockwood? You're staring into space again. You alright?"
He blinked back into reality, pulling himself out of his thoughts of warm rooms and soft kisses.
"Huh? Oh, right. Yeah, I'm alright. Just surprised this Visitor hasn't turned up yet." He checked his watch. "Time for another reading in the living room?"
George nodded. "I'll go first."
The three of them headed in, rapiers at the ready.
"One degree. And a feeling of unease. It's definitely getting close to being here."
"Never mind close, I can see it," Lockwood whispered, taking up a defensive position.
"Yeah, I can hear it, too. Sounds like someone crying. I don't think this is a Type One either," Lucy added, and Lockwood couldn't help but agree.
"Any murders or anything happen here, George?"
"Not that I'm aware of, and I researched for days for this one. Didn't find anything out of the ordinary."
"Male or female, Luce? The voice."
"Uh, hang on, shut up a minute." She closed her eyes, focusing her efforts on Listening. "Male. Definitely. Sounds older, and like he's got some sort of trauma."
"Right. George, you figure out where the Source is. Lucy and I will watch it, make sure it doesn't go for you. Can either of you see it yet?"
"Not really. There's a sort of shiny mist over by that armchair, though," George said, pointing in the direction of the ratty old seat.
"Yeah, okay. That's where it is. Lucy?"
"Same as George. Getting stronger though. Maybe the chair is the Source?"
"Could be. George?"
"You're sure you've got my back, yeah? Because I really can't see it that well right now and I'd rather not die tonight."
"We're sure. Go on, have a poke around."
George did so, hesitantly getting closer to the chair and holding the scanner up. "Yeah, the Source is here somewhere." He prodded the side, and Lockwood saw Lucy flinch.
"It didn't like that at all. God, that was awful. Wait, George, don't-"
She slammed her hands over her ears, trying to block out the scream that even Lockwood could hear now.
"George, get the net," he cried out, rapier moving swiftly as the Visitor grew brighter and aimed for the head of the company.
"Incredibly clear visual, Lockwood! Lucy was right, it's definitely a Type Two!"
"GET THE NET, GEORGE!"
Lockwood had been backed into a corner, arm starting to ache from the continuous motion of the rapier holding off the ghost in front of him. Lucy had recovered (just about), and was picking up her rapier to help him. Sensing a second opponent, the ghost turned, and targeted Lockwood's coworker. The two of them spent the next few minutes sending the Visitor between them while George repeatedly chucked the net over various parts of the chair, expression growing more frantic each time.
"George, what's going on?!" Lucy shouted.
"It's not working! I don't think the chair is the Source! Or if it is, it's inside the chair!"
"Then get searching! Rip the whole bloody thing apart if you have to! But get on with it!" Lockwood gritted his teeth, fighting off the cold unease he felt flooding through his body. He thought of her, and her smile, and her laugh, and pushed back twice as hard against the Visitor. At some point he'd injured himself, the cut on his upper left arm bleeding slightly, but he couldn't think about that until the ghost was dealt with.
"GOT IT!" George shouted, voice triumphant. He slung the net around the object he'd found, and all at once the living room went silent apart from the heavy breaths of the three agents. The ghost disappeared, and the temperature started rising. George sat back on his knees and held the swaddled object up, bits of foam stuffing caught in his curls. "Knife, it's got blood on it. I'd wager she killed her husband. There was a cut already made in the back, made it easier to find." He looked vaguely manic, what with his wide grin and foam-covered hair, but Lockwood couldn't deny his gratitude for his weird friend.
"I reckon we need to have a chat with DEPRAC, then. Mrs. Lovey clearly doesn't live up to her name," he replied, smile matching George's.
~~~
Half an hour later, Lockwood was on his way to hers. He'd left George and Lucy in the taxi, telling them he had something to sort out and he'd be back later, and to not wait up for him, and had caught his own cab to his destination.
He dragged himself up the front steps, knocking on the front door, and couldn't help the smile that appeared when it swung open to reveal his girlfriend.
"Jesus Christ, you look like shit."
"Charming as ever, love. Can I come in?"
Y/n stepped to the side, giving him a peck on the lips as he went past. "Shoes off, then up to my room. I'll be there in a sec. Gimme your coat, I'll hang it up for you."
He pulled himself up to her room, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake her siblings, and collapsed on her bed.
"Look at you. You're like a puppy, all cute and cuddly."
He lifted his head as Y/n walked in, closing the door behind her with a soft click as she balanced a tray in her hands.
"Jacket off. And shirt."
"If you wanted me naked you could have just said so, darling." He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, revelling in her blush.
"Shut up and strip, Anthony," she mumbled.
He complied, smirk turning into smile as he saw the medical supplies on the tray, right next to a pot of tea and a plate of biscuits.
"What even happened?"
"Honestly? No clue. Type One turned out to be a Type Two murder victim though, so that was fun."
"You know, there are times I wish I had Talent. Then you come here looking like this and saying things like that and I wonder why I ever wanted it in the first place. Easy on the shirt, I think it's stuck." He'd winced trying to peel the fabric away from the wound, and Y/n immediately replaced his fingers with hers, touch gentle as she attempted to prise his shirt off. Sucking in air through her teeth as she got it off, Lockwood knew it was bad. It had been a dull throb the whole time he'd been travelling over, too exhausted to think about it more, but now that he had nothing else to think about the pain sharpened.
"This is gonna hurt, okay? I'm just gonna sterilise it, so try not to move. Three, two..." He waited for one, but before she got there, Y/n had placed the cotton wool on his arm, dabbing the alcohol on the wound. He gritted his teeth, asking her about her day. She spoke while she worked, cleaning it out and covering it in protective wrapping. Her voice distracted him, letting him lose himself in her words, and she was done before he knew it, pouring a cup of tea and offering it out to him. "Put this on," she said, passing over an old shirt of his that he left at hers specifically for times like this.
"Do you really want me to?"
"No, but if it means that when my parents inevitably walk in they don't kick you out forever, I'll live with it." He laughed slightly, placing the tea down and pulling the top on, careful not to disturb his wound.
"You know you don't have to do that, right? I'm perfectly capable of looking after my own injuries."
"I know," she shrugged, sitting down next to him on the bed. "But I don't mind. Just another excuse to be close to you, I guess."
"You don't need an excuse for that, love. You know I'll happily give you anything you like."
"Anything?"
He nodded.
"Alright," she said, leaning up to plant a kiss on his lips, breaking away when their smiles got too wide.
"I thought you were going to make me dance naked in the street or something." Her eyes went wide as she took in his words.
"Oh my god, I am totally making you do that sometime."
He groaned, unable to fight the smile on his face as she peppered his cheeks with kisses, finally pressing one to his mouth.
"Remind me why I love you?"
"Because I'm amazing, and the most incredible person ever?"
He chuckled, kissing her again. "Yeah. You are."
~~~
"Where the hell have you been, Tony? We've been waiting for you!"
"Just had some last minute things to sort out, don't get your knickers in a twist, Kipps. Oh, thanks Luce," he said, smiling at the girl as she handed him a flask of tea. He'd actually been at Y/n's, spending time with her before her shift at the pub. He'd almost been late, her parents wanting him to stay for dinner (he had politely declined, reminding them that he had a job to go to as well as their daughter), and her younger siblings wanting him to play with them. Lockwood and Y/n's parents had been friends since before either of them were born, at one point the two families living next to each other on Portland Row, and it was only the arrival of the fourth baby five years ago that had made the L/n family move. It had only been natural that Anthony and Y/n started dating, having been childhood friends, and her parents were delighted at the pairing. Unfortunately that now meant that they wanted him to spend every spare minute at their house, which more often than not made him slightly late for work.
"I'm not wearing knickers," the older boy muttered indignantly, clearly unable to come up with a good enough retort.
"Oh, are these the files? Thanks George."
"Wait, have you not even read these?" Kipps said, eyebrows rising.
"Of course I have, just not the whole compiled thing. I'm not stupid." Kipps scoffed at that.
"Yeah, sure you're not, Tony. C'mon. Hurry up and read, we're late because of you and we need to set everything up before it gets dark."
~~~
Three hours later, the two teams were close to death.
Both in the sense that they were run ragged, energy severely depleted and bodies aching, and also in that they were completely surrounded by ghosts, Type Ones and Types Twos blocking every exit. The report had said that there were only meant to be two Spectres in the whole abandoned department store, but before it had even been properly dark Lucy had heard voices crying out and shouting, and Lockwood had seen death glows so bright he'd needed his sunglasses.
"Tony, what the hell are you doing?!"
He was taking a break, eyes aching from the brightness surrounding them and arm protesting the weight of his rapier. He scanned the area, sure that Lucy would have his back for a moment, and spotted something through a gap in the Visitors.
"Lucy?"
"What?!"
"I need you to not kill me and cover me with flares."
"Why?"
"Because I'm going to run through the ghosts."
"You're WHAT?!"
"What? What's he saying?" Kipps was trying to get closer to them, rapier cutting arcs into the air and not giving him much headway.
"You're impossible, you know that?" Lucy glared at him, grabbing some flares from her belt.
"Yep. Ready?" She threw, the magnesium creating a break in the swarm of ghosts large enough for Lockwood to cut through. He made it to the other side (although a near miss from a badly aimed flare made him think that Lucy was trying to hit him and not the Visitors), trying to block out the sounds of his team mates yelling as they fought swathes of the undead. He ducked under a chair that a poltergeist had thrown, dodging the knives hurled afterwards. Skidding to a halt in front of a large iron box filled with objects, the lid hanging open, Lockwood slammed it shut, throwing a net over the top for good measure and securing the edges. Within seconds the majority of the Visitors disappeared. A few still remained, including the two poltergeists, but the number was much better.
The two teams spent the next thirty minutes finding the various Sources of the remaining ghosts, all the while trying to not get hit by the items the poltergeists were throwing, and by the end of it when Kipps suggested going to the pub, nobody disagreed.
~~~
Lockwood and Co were in the taxi on their way to the pub when George piped up.
"Why'd you agree to going to the pub with Kipps? I would have thought you'd rather eat your own foot than spend more time with him."
"I need a drink, and he said he'd buy the first round. If it's free, I'll take it. I don't really care who's buying it, even if it's Kipps."
They clambered out the taxi, Lockwood paying the driver and jogging to catch up with the other two just as they entered the pub. Spotting Kipps' team already sat down, the three of them headed over, taking seats and giving their order to the older agent. Lockwood looked around, certain he recognised the building but unsure why, when his gaze caught on the girl behind the bar.
Ah.
Of course the pub Kipps picked was the one that Y/n worked at. Lockwood had been here before, which is why he thought it was familiar, but nobody knew about his relationship with the bartender. Kipps came back with the drinks then, one of the other servers following with the rest and asking for ID. Taking his first sip, Lockwood felt himself relax a little more, happy to not be going anywhere for a while after the gruelling job earlier.
~~~
"You," Lucy pointed at him, "are so drunk right now."
"Seriously, you cannot hold your alcohol, can you Tony?"
"Don't call me Tony, you prick." It was true that Lockwood was a lightweight, and he knew it, but he grumbled about the accusation anyway. Kipps only laughed, not doing much better than his rival in terms of handling alcohol, and took another swig of his beer.
"You're probably rubbish at picking up girls, too. Y'know, you're probably rubbish at every normal guy thing."
"Shut up, I can so pick up girls." He wasn't going to let Kipps tell him he was bad at anything.
"Oh really?"
"Yep. Amazing at it."
"Bet you can't get a kiss out the bartender though."
"Which one," he said, hoping Kipps would pick the right one.
"The one in the blue top, about your age. In fact, I am so confident you'll be shit at this, I'll bet ten quid you can't do it."
"Oh you're on," Lockwood said, knowing already he'd win the bet. Kipps had unknowingly picked Lockwood's girlfriend, and this would be the easiest ten pounds of his life.
"I'll bet a tenner too. I'm looking forward to watching you fail dramatically," Kat Godwin added, smirk on her face. Bobby placed his own bet, and soon enough there was fifty quid on the line, with George and Lucy agreeing with Kipps.
"Off you go, Lockwood," Lucy smiled, giving him a pat on the back. "Try not to traumatise the poor girl."
"Oh, just you all wait," he slurred, pointing a finger at them. "This is gonna be easyyyy." He headed for the bar, confidence filling him and giving him the ability to walk a lot straighter than he would otherwise have. He leaned forward on the wooden surface, fingers drumming against it. "Heyyy," he said, smiling up at his girlfriend as he slid (unsuccessfully) onto a stool.
"Hi... you okay?"
"Oh, yeah, I'm great, and you," he wagged his finger at her, pausing for effect, "are gorgeous." He winked, and she suppressed a laugh, making him pout. "Why're you laughing? It's true!"
"Ant, honey, you are very drunk right now. Please go home," she said, pressing a hand to her mouth to stop the giggles bursting out.
"But I can't go home," he said, suddenly very serious.
"Oh really? Why's that?"
"Because I need a kiss if I'm gonna go home." He puckered up immediately, leaning forward over the bar and closing his eyes.
"Oh my god, Anthony, stop it!"
"Aw, do you not wanna kiss me?" He pouted again, and Y/n couldn't stop her laughter anymore. Lockwood sat back, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing. "Well, I'm not going away until I get a kiss from the prettiest bartender person lady that I've ever seen, so you'll have to get used to me being here."
"Okay, alright! Lemme serve this customer, yeah?" She turned away, leaving Lockwood to stew in his seat at her lack of kisses. Waiting for her to come back to him felt like an eternity, and when she came around the bar to stand next to him, he perked up, half launching himself at her. "Woah! Hold on, Ant! Jesus!" He was still sat on the stool, Y/n being only slightly taller than him despite being stood up, and he pulled her between his legs, arms wrapping around her waist. "Wait, what about your friends? I thought they didn't know?"
"Don't care, jus' wanna kiss you. There's a share of fifty pounds in it for you," he said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows like he had a few weeks ago when she'd patched him up.
"Oh wow, you really love me, huh? Kissing me for money?" she asked sarcastically, but her eyes were warm. He nodded, dopey look on his face.
"Please? 'Cause Kipps said I can't pick up girls, and he bet money that I couldn't get a kiss out of you, and then the others bet money too, and mostly I wanna prove him wrong, but also I want the money so I can take you on the most amazing date in your life and get you ice cream."
"You are such a golden retriever puppy of a boyfriend, aren't you? Come here." She took his face in her hands, placing a few soft kisses on his mouth. His arms tightened around her waist, holding her closer to him, and Y/n had to brace a hand on the bar so that she didn't fall over from the awkward angle. When she pulled back, he chased her lips for a moment, opening his eyes slowly. His gaze was full of love, and he had a gentle smile on his face.
"I love you, Y/n/n."
"Love you too, Ant. Now get your fifty pounds and drink some water."
"Ugh, but water's boringgg," he complained, frown forming on his face. Y/n chuckled, kissing the crease between his eyebrows.
"I'll give you more than kisses when you come over on Saturday if you sober up." Lockwood stopped frowning immediately, and Y/n could practically feel the happiness radiating off of him.
"Where's the water?"
~~~
"Shit, how'd you do that, Tony?"
Lockwood shrugged. "I'm just really good at picking up girls."
"Sure, is that vodka?"
"Nope, water."
"Why have you got that?" Kipps wrinkled his nose, handing over his portion of Lockwood's winnings.
"Because she told me to drink it," he said, sipping the liquid through the straw he'd asked for (it made drinking boring things more fun, he'd told Y/n).
"Uh... okay?"
"Yeah. I feel like- hang on, Lucy, where's your tenner? Thanks. I feel like it's a little bit unfair, the bet, 'cause she is actually my girlfriend, but- no, you can't take the money back! You made a bet! No take-backs! But thanks anyway."
"So you can't pick up girls!" Kipps shouted, thinking he'd finally found something Anthony Lockwood couldn't do.
"Well technically I can, 'cause I had to pick her up in the first place to get her to be my girlfriend, and also she's not that heavy, so I can definitely pick her up if she doesn't wriggle too much. I know 'cause I've done it before."
Kipps groaned. "Wait... she just told you to drink water, so you are?"
"Yep. She's very persuasive. Basically said that if I drink it all then when I go to her house on Saturday we're gonna have sex," he said casually.
Everybody around the table choked on their drinks.
#anthony lockwood#lockwood and co#lockwood netflix#anthony lockwood x reader#lockwood & co#idiots in love#anthony lockwood x you#lockwood x reader#lockwood x you
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Ahasbands are great in Last Life because you get Mumbo throwing out fun lines like "Wanna kiss?" with no build-up and he calls their marriage "tactical" and he just wanders around being happy-go-lucky, giggly, and throwing his husband under the bus.
Then there's Martyn who covers Mumbo during a crime scene, canonically wears some kind of commitment ring, is one button click away from trading his life for Mumbo's, and he kinda tails Mumbo around the map and occasionally mutters things like "I get it- I'm your husband, so I'm just supposed to know" and "Did you forget you're married?" and "Yeah, whatever- I'm taking the ring off."
Mumbo is married first to his commitment to the bit. Specifically the part of the bit where Martyn spontaneously announced they're married and no one else knows what's going on. It's a secret; a gag; a hidden easter egg. Mumbo's not going to play it up in front of people lest he break unspoken rules or be embarrassing. Mumbo keeps flitting around while Martyn dogs his heels with the first-aid kit like "?? Why is he not playing with me?"
Mumbo never denies the marriage or rejects it it any way. He pretty much just asked Martyn "Are we friends?" and Martyn told him "We're married" and Mumbo was like "Oh, okay" and went skipping off again. Mumbo doesn't even dispute it, he just thinks it's hilarious and satellites around Martyn for a while because he makes him laugh.
The marriage bit survives only as long as Mumbo's entertained and Martyn's willing to overlook how little he's getting back. Mumbo contributes nothing but puns and attempted murder.
I've never seen such a peculiar dynamic... Like, possibly unrequited love but also happily married for easy access to jokes and laughter?? One husband trying to keep this marriage together while the other is like "I am silly and have no thoughts except how much I want to blow you up, please it would be funny." incredible, no notes.
Martyn would stab himself to give a life to Mumbo, but if Mumbo had the power to kill Martyn in a snap of his fingers, he would. but also he loves him because Martyn's silly and killed too many chickens and covered up a horse theft. It's like if a god kept a mortal around for offerings and entertainment. you get me.
#trafficblr#Ahasbands#Last Life#MumboJumbo#Martyn InTheLittleWood#I just think they're neat#traffic life smp#mcyt
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Little Dove
Instead of Lucy Gray, he got her younger, little sister, Rosalie Jade.
Chapter One
"YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!"
And just when he thought that maybe he had a shot, she blew it.
Coriolanus watched Rosalie Jade sing on that stage and for a quick minute, he thought that maybe, just maybe, he could turn his luck around. That he could turn her into a star with her singing before he led her to the stage of death cause there is no way that this scrawny, little girl is going to win. But then she had to offend all of Panem with her little ending.
Taking a bow, Rosalie Jade walked off the stage and the screen cut off.
Looking around, realizing he was still standing, he started to quietly laugh along with everyone else who seemed to find her ending amusing.
As he walked out of the Hall to the luncheon, he was given many praises and heard peoples jealous remarks about his tribute.
"She's a real star, that one!"
"You got lucky with her Snow, mine just cried!"
"It's not fair he got the best tribute or at least the best showman."
Maybe he still had a shot with Rosalie Jade.
"Quite the scene she put on back there, huh? It's all anyone seems to be able to talk about."
Shit.
"Yes, it seems so."
Coriolanus never truly understood what Highbottom's problem was with him. He never did anything to him, well other than making the nickname, 'High-as a kite-bottom.' Maybe that's why he got Rosalie Jade, because the nickname got back to him.
"God, look at you, in your to tight shoes and in your fathers old shirt. You walk around like you own the place when I know that the Snow's don't even have a pot to piss in."
Coriolanus attempted to stand tall, but Highbottom knowing this information put him on edge. How Highbottom knew this he didn't now, nor did he like.
Right as he went to respond, Highbottom cut him off swiftly with, "Good luck with that little songbird. God knows you'll need it Snow."
Yep, the nickname definitely had gotten back to him.
"Everything is about winning."
Coriolanus couldn't believe he was still arguing about this with Tigris. Yes, he knew that they both saw things differently, but this was just getting annoying now.
"Think about what that little girl is going through right now Coryo. She just got ripped from her home to be forced to fight for her life. Imagine that was you, Coryo."
Always the pacifist, Tigris.
God, this type of naïve thinking is going to get her killed one day.
"I wouldn't do a lick of anything for you if I didn't trust you."
Trust?
"And how would I get her to trust me Tigris? She's District, she knows we hate her and her us."
"Do not out her aside just because she is District. She is still a person. A child. Maybe you could bring her something. Just let her know you care, that your on her side."
Now she's starting to sound like that District mutt, Sejanus. How he hates him with his stupid thinking that Capitol and District are equal, cause they're not. That's why Distirct children play in the games, not Capitol.
However, maybe Tigris is on to something. If he can get Rosalie Jade to trust him, then it will be easier to mold her into the perfect spectacle he needs to win that damned Plinth Prize. Besides, with her being the youngest tribute, that should earn her him some sympathy from the Capitol. It will be easier to manipulate her too with her being 12.
Yes, Coriolanus knows exactly what to do now.
"Thank you Tigris. I know what I need to do."
Thank you Tigris indeed.
Where is this damn train?
Coriolanus has been waiting for at least two hours now for the train carrying all the tributes to arrive. He had made a plan to gain Rosalie Jade's trust just like Tigris said. He decided to bring her one of Grandma'am's pristine, white rose's since he had nothing better to give her.
Now that plan seemed plain idiotic. He had been waiting for hours in the blistering July heat for a train that seems will never come. Peacekeepers had given him strange looks as to why he was there. The rose had even started to wilt a bit from the heat and him toying with it as he waited.
This plan was so fucking stupid.
Figuring that this stupid train was never coming, Coriolanus turned around and started to leave just as he heard a train whistle.
Finally.
As he waited for the Peacekeepers to get the tributes out, he started to feel antsy. This was his first time that he was actually going to meet his tribute. The person who could make or break his future. His life.
But as he waited, no Peacekeepers made any effort to get the tributes out. Now what was the hold up? All he wanted was to see his tribute for the first time in person.
Finally, after another twenty minutes of waiting, a Peacekeeper went to talk the conductor of the train and got the keys to open the train cage.
As Coriolanus watched the Pecaekeeper take his time finding the right key to open it up, he realized that the train had no windows. It had to be a cargo train. They put them in a fucking cargo train.
Once the Peacekeeper finally found the right key and unlocked the train, he started to yell for them to get out.
"Come on! Get out, the lot of you!"
As Coriolanus watched the first tribute come into the light, he saw that there was at least a five foot drop from the train to the platform and each tribute were wearing hand cuffs.
He watched as each struggled to get out of the train and Peacekeepers starting to get impatient and pull most down.
The boy from 11 though, had no problem getting down with his tall and muscular build.
Lucky Clemensia.
As he waited for his tribute to get out, one of the other tributes refused to get out.
"Get out now! Don't make us come in to get you!"
The tribute continued to refuse to get out, causing a Peacekeepe to come in and get her, throwing her down onto the platform. Coriolanus cringed as she screamed, knowing that she had to have broken a tooth. The same Peacekeeper came back out and kicked her, yelling at her to get up.
Now that the train was empty, he still didn't see his tribute until he realized that there was a second cargo train.
As he watched the tributes pile out again, he saw a flash of color. In fact many colors.
There you are.
With his hands in her waist, the cuffs giving the tributes at least some space to work with, her District partner helped her down off the train, making sure she didn't get hurt on the way down.
Why is he touching her waist?
Rosalie Jade seemed to float as she was lifted by her partner, and when she reached the ground, she squeezed his shoulders as a thank you and he let go of her.
Good.
Coriolanus waited a minute more before going over. He wanted to see how she would react to this new environment.
He watched as she dusted her dress off and ran her fingers through her golden waves, trying to tame them.
Interesting.
She seemed to be more worried about how she looked. But not in the way Coriolanus would see most of the Capitol girls do. They would do it out of vain, wanting to make sure they were always the most beautiful in the room. But with Rosalie Jade, it seemed that she just wanted to make sure she looked presentable.
As she turned around to look at her surroundings, she locked eyes with Coriolanus. She looked him up and down with a look of curiosity and confusion.
Well, curiosity killed the cat.
Deciding that now was the best time to go over, Coriolanus started to walk towards her. As he got closer, he smelled something horrid. Then Coriolanus realized that it wasn't cargo train that they all were in. No. They were in livestock shipping containers.
She started to back away a little bit when she realized that he was coming towards her and grabbed onto her partners hand.
Why is she holding his hand?
Shaking off the his thought, he presented her with the rose once he got to her.
"Welcome to the Capitol."
Her partner stepped in front of Rosalie Jade as if to...protect her?
Protect her from what? Me? I'm trying to help her.
Just when he went to say something to her incompetent partner, Rosalie Jade squeezed his hand.
"It's ok Jessup."
Yeah Jessup, it's ok.
Letting go of, the now learned name, Jessup's hand, she cautiously stepped forward and looked at the rose then Coriolanus.
Then she said the most bizarre shit Coriolanus had ever heard.
"Roses are beautiful." Rosalie Jade said getting closer to Coriolanus now realizing that he's not a threat. Then, out of nowhere, she put the tip of her index finger on the tip of one of the thorns, pricking her finger and causing a little drop of blood to form on her small finger.
"Until they're not." She said as she plucked a petal from the rose, getting her bright, red blood on pure rose. Then, she let it drop.
"You look like you're not supposed to be here."
What the fuck.
Still in shock from what she said and did, he didn't even realize that she took another rose petal and started to eat it
She really is mental.
He needed to get it together. He could judge her and her antics later.
"I'm not, but I'm your mentor. Coriolanus Snow."
Smiling teasingly, Rosalie Jade looked back at Jessup, "Ah, a rebel."
Jessup smiled at this while Coriolanus stood appalled. Coriolanus Snow was many things, but a rebel was not one of them. He knows she must mean it as a good thing, coing from 12 of course, but he still can't help but feel a little annoyed at her teasing.
"And what does my mentor do besides bring me roses?"
"I do my best to take care of you."
Just as Coriolanus said that, the same girl tribute from earlier screamed after being hit by a Peacekeeper for not getting into a truck.
Where are they going to take them Rosalie Jade?
"Well good luck with that, Capitol Boy." She said as she took the rose from his hand.
And with that, two Peacekkeper came over and started to push for Jessup and Rosalie Jade to get into the truck.
That girl tribute was starting to get onto his nerves. He was actually getting Rosalie Jade to talk with him and that girl just had to go and ruin it.
He watched as they dragged them both away onto the truck. He needed to get her to trust him, and with the way their conversation ended, well he might not have even bothered to come to the train station.
Coriolanus looked down at the rose petal she dropped on the ground. It now had a bloody spot on it. No longer pure. He quickly picked it up and stuffed it into his pocket.
Coriolanus walked up to one of the Peacekeepers to see if he could get into the truck with the other tributes. He did not spend two hours waiting in the heat and having a bizarre conversation with a mental 12 year old to not gain something from it.
"Excuse me. But is there anyway I could go in the truck with them, please?"
"What? You want to go in there with them? Yeah, no. Sorry kid but they're dangerous."
As he looked back into the container, he locked eyes with Rosalie Jade again and she looked at him like she didn't understand what was going on at all. Cute.
No. He had to get in there. This was his only chance to earn her trust.
"Sir, I'm actually a student at the academy and my tribute is there. She's the youngest, and well, to be quite frank, I don't want anything happening to her while she's in there with all the other tributes. All of them have some sort of advantage over her. I just want to help her."
Well, there was some truth in there.
The Peacekeeper, getting annoyed with all of his talking said, "Yeah, fine. Whatever kid, but if you get hurt or killed, it's your fault."
"Thank you." Coriolanus quickly ran up to the container and jumped in.
Holy shit.
If he thought that it smelled bad when he was talking to Rosalie Jade, well this was much worse. With all of the tribute being smushed together in the small truck, it was if he really was in a barn.
As he looked around, he saw Rosalie Jade looking down at his rose in her lap all while the other tributes were looking at him.
This was a bad idea.
"You in the wrong cage, Capitol Boy?" He recognized the voice as the boy from 11, Clememsia's.
It sounded better coming out of Rosalie Jade's mouth.
"No. This cage is delightful."
The boy scoffed and quickly ran up to Coriolanus and pinned him up against the truck wall.
"I could kill you right now."
Yep, this was a very bad idea.
"He'll do it. He killed two Peacekeepers back home, no one even knew it was him."
"Shut up, Dill."
Sunddenly, a chorus of voices started agreeing with the boy from 11. Started agreeing to killing him.
"Do it Reaper!"
"I'll help!"
"We've got nothing to lose."
How was he going to defend himself? He could use the rose on his lapel. Rosalie Jade showed him that it could hurt someone. But Coriolanus couldn't take on 23 tributes animals with a rose thorn.
"You got family back home?"
What?
"You hurt him, they hurt them. Then you. You damage a single hair on his pretty little head, they get yours."
She's helping me. Defending me. Well, maybe I did get her trust. Maybe this was a good idea.
Looking up at Coriolanus, smriking Rosaile Jade said, " 'Sides, he's my mentor. Might need em'."
"Why does Rainbow Girl get a mendor?"
"Mentor. You all get one."
Getting up close into Rosalie Jade's face, the girl said, "Why didn't ours come then, huh? How come you get special treatment?"
Rosaile Jade smiled, "Just not inspired I guess."
Coriolanus smirked at Rosaile Jade's remark and before the girl had a chance to retaliate, the truck abruptly stopped and the back opened.
Suddenly, the truck started to tip forward, and everyone started to fall. Coriolanus held onto a divet in the truck wall and grabbed onto Rosaile Jade's hand, trying to stop her from falling as well.
His grip started to give and both of them fell. The fall down was painful. They had to have been rolling down on rocks and they landed on a pile of hard grass.
Coriolanus looked over at Rosaile Jade and saw that she tucked herself into a ball on the way down. Her hands were around her head, trying to protect herself from the fall.
Slowly, he looked around.
Wait. This place looks familiar. Why does this place look familiar?
Then he remembered.
He was in the Capitol Zoo.
He was in a monkey cage.
Yep. This was definitely a bad idea.
Next Chapter
#coriolanus x reader#dark!coriolanus snow#coriolanus snow x reader#yandere coriolanus snow#coriolanus x y/n#coriolanus snow fanfiction
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THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 9 EDITION -- SEX, RELIEF, HYPOCRISY, AND A MEDITATION FOR THE HOES
There's a lot to dig into, so let's git it. This episode was more complicated than it actually seemed on the surface -- THANKS, TOP.
@lurkingshan and @respectthepetty came OUTTA the GATES as soon as yesterday's episode dropped, swinging their chanclas at the hypocrisies that larded this episode. Shan read almost every last one of these motherfuckers for filth in her post, naming Atom (there goes my NeoTitle dreams already) for unfairly shaming Boston; Ray, for clearly cheating on Mew; and Sand, for equivocating Ray to Boston -- all while Boston is actually still clearly communicating his preferences to not date, despite people all around him judging him for the sex he has. RTP Senpai points out that Sand is pissed off at Top for stealing Sand's ex-boyfriend -- but that Sand full well knows that while he's sleeping with Ray, Ray was technically still dating Mew. So -- is Sand stealing Mew's boyfriend from Ray? Why, oh yes he is, and Sand ain't holding himself accountable for it, Big Boba Kanaphan Eyes.
Hypocrisy. It was the name of the game of this episode. Or.... was it? It was actually way more complicated than that.
Atom in particular, just like -- where's my chappal -- but let me get back to him in a sec. As the hypocrisies were starting to click in, I saw something else going on in this episode, an opposite to the hypocrisy. I saw some clear revelations, and a learning and leaning into love through the inexperienced eyes of Mew, as compared to the painfully experienced eyes of Yo.
The episode started with Mew waking up at the hostel, unaware of Top's behaviors after Mew passed out at the Halloween party. (Top, by the way, was just -- CHEF'S KISS -- drippingly condescending, hypocritical, and sneaky this episode. Force just laid it awl out. What a performance. More on this in a bit.) Mew parties with Yo, who is like, the friend we need the MOST in this series, and asks her about whether or not he SHOULD like Ray. And Yo has to remind Mew to check himself before he wrecks himself over any sense of obligation he may have to Ray.
Yo's starting to help Mew's thoughts tickle away from obligation to a reality of his heart. At least -- one reality.
I thought of this scene when we went on the camping trip with Sand and Nick, and we had, I think, the best scene in all of Only Friends so far (cc @wen-kexing-apologist and @lurkingshan who were very, VERY right) -- in Sand and Nick clicking into their moment where they're both single, they both real cute, and why don't we see if something's there? Because that happens among friends, sometimes, and if you don't try, you won't know, right? Especially in a queer friend community that will almost always be smaller than a het community, making love that much harder to find. So you might dibble and dabble with your friends here and there.
And they smooched, and they laughed, and they were like, this doesn't work, and they laughed more, and moved on. And they were just so mad cool about it.
The way that this particular line of engagement ended with two pairs -- with Sand and Nick finding clarity, and Ray and Mew together at the social services office and communicating, to confirm that Ray and Mew just would not work together -- was a kind of relief that I haven't experienced in Only Friends yet. The slight lift I got from seeing these considerations and interactions reminded me of how I felt when the tide of trauma began to turn in Bed Friend, where the second act of that series was just trauma pummel after trauma pummel -- how much more could Uea take, I wondered. As we saw, in this episode of Only Friends, clarity roll through SandNick and RayMew, I felt relieved that there was some closure, somewhere, among some of these individuals who had tried, even ever so briefly, to pair up.
But -- this being Only Friends, heh -- it was not only relief that I felt in this episode, but we also still saw a lot of sticky toxicity and hypocritical judgements.
Atom couldn't just leave Boston ALONE. As ever, Boston has communicated to his hook-up that he's not a dating guy, not a relationship guy. And Atom doesn't take the hint.
I love that at this point in the series, at episode 9, we STILL have people judging one-night stands as "awful." What a stark reminder of the ways in which people use judgements against sex to forever condemn those who choose to engage in casual sex.
After episode 6, I wrote a little about the phenomenon of having "feelings" after sex. Many, many people have a biological urge (or even a socially expectant urge) to care/have feelings for for the person they have slept with, whether they had sex after a one-night stand, a friends-with-benefits arrangement, sex in a relationship, etc. Others, like Boston, don't.
Either of these phenomena are okay and utterly normal -- as long as you're accountable to yourself for your feelings, and not placing on anyone else any obligation to respond to those feelings that are only emanating from you, yourself.
In other words: even if Atom had "feelings" for Boston after sex -- what is Boston's responsibility to respond in kind to those feelings?
Boston had the right answer to Atom here. Boston says to Atom: no one (meaning, me, Boston) asked you to care for me. And I'm not here to hold that caring for you. I don't owe you that, Atom. That's not what's assumed when two people have sex as casually as we did.
Compare this to Nick's farewell monologue to Boston (right before Boston is about to have a hook-up, oh my god, Nick). Nick had a thing to say about his feelings ("I like you, Boston, and I am sorry for everything I did, and I am going to move on from you"), he said his piece, and he moved on.
At first, I was CRINGING at what was happening, because I thought Nick would make an embarrassingly grand and dramaaaaatic farewell, of a kind that I saw many of my drunk girlfriends make to their exes at bars when I was in my 20s, all with an intent of making their exes feel guilty for the break-ups that had previously happened.
But Nick, in that moment, actually owned his feelings, despite the timing of the conversation. And we saw Boston respond, ready to approach Nick -- and Nick had bounced and moved on with Daddy Dan, right then and there.
What a MIRROR of behavior between Atom ("Boston, you owe me") and Nick ("I thought about this, and I'm going to end it, for your happiness and for mine"). While Boston and his reputation still remain as a kind of bottom standard for people who want to feel superior when they compare themselves to him (ex: Top, Ray, Sand), Boston himself is direct about his feelings, or lack thereof, and Nick demonstrated that he himself has moved on from equivocating about a feeling of like/love that at least, he thinks, is not there anymore. (Which, from Boston's eyes -- we know now is not the case, as Boston continues to give hints of regret.)
I gotta tell y'all something. I was a party girl, like this group of friends, in my 20s. And I was heavily judged for being a ho. The terms slut, ho, whore -- were all used to describe my behavior in dripping judgement that I wasn't, instead, seeking safe and Puritanical monogamy. I was having fun with and in sex, and I was very heavily judged for it. Maybe, in part, it was because some of my friends had a harder time finding sex? Perhaps. But because sex is so EASY to judge, based on the majority popular judgements against sex -- isn't it easier to roll with the tide, than to think outside of the box and to not judge someone for having casual sex?
While Boston's ho reputation precedes him -- it is a reputation based on an unfair, almost Puritanical judgement against sex, and against people who have sex. (Once again: hello, Khai.) I give major applause to the hoes in this episode of Only Friends. All while people around them are judging sex, and judging people like Boston for having sex: Boston and Nick are not hiding anything -- they are not trying to equivocate away their actions. Their own timing isn't right. Nick knows he's about to go and hit that with a new dude. But they both have clarity about what's happening inside of them at their given moments, and they've become better about communicating what's happening inside of them over the course of the series. It's yet to be seen if the timing will work out for Boston and Nick -- but they're inching towards a clearer line of openness than we've seen in the past.
So. While awwwwlllll of this is going on: Top continues to try to infuse himself in Mew's life. Man. THIS GUY.
Top? Shut the hell up. Condescending foo. And then showing up to invite yourself to accompany Mew's moms? All while Mew doesn't know that you crossed his boundaries the last episode? And that you recorded Ray smooching Sand? Stooping to the very same tactics that got you, Top, caught? AND YOU CALLED A BOOTY CALL? While trying to win back Mew?
And...... amazingly. For Top, it worked. Or at least, it was working for a second. Mew was reconsidering.
To me -- in my opinion -- Top's behavior seems conniving, sniveling, more about winning than about love. But he also knows that he still has a hook in Mew, and was pulling rapidly on the fishing line.
And Mew... Mew began to follow that fishing line again, showing up to Top's building, and hopping into that elevator, with another person that Top had on his hook. And, good lord, now with Mond (MOND!) in the mix, we're going to have ANOTHER dramatic pile-up next week.
God, for me, while there were these notes of relief in this episode, these moments of clarity among people like Sand, Nick, and Boston, I just, like, wanted to tear MY HAIR OUT when I saw Mew and Boeing both approach Top's door at the same time. What the fuck will happen next.
And while Top will try to convince Mew to stay with him, surely, in episode 10 -- Top will also continue to judge Boston to Mew, I am sure. Top will judge Ray. Top will try to "heal" and "protect" and "take care" of Mew.
Top, leveraging judgement against sex by others to build up his own supposed moral and ethical fabric, "taking care" of Mew and leading Mew to think that Top is still a viable candidate for dating -- Cheum even interprets Top's behavior at the Halloween party as "taking care" of Mew -- will it come crumbling down as Boeing the Ex shows up for a little boing-boing?
Dudes, I have no idea, because Top keeps catching breaks! For people at The Top -- that's so often how it works in society, no?
Like I said: this was a hella complicated episode. We have three more to go. This episode captured in a snapshot a group of gloriously imperfect people making equivocating decisions as they bumble along, minute by minute. SandNick and RayMew got CLARITY. Boston got CLARITY on his feelings for Nick. Cheum is getting CLARITY on her association with the hostel. Atom got CLARITY on where Boston stood. I don't know that we have CLARITY on SandRay yet, but.... I dunno, I'll let the capitalists at GMMTV decide that, ha.
Where we don't have clarity is now with Top and Mew, with Top acting clearly duplicitously, and how Mew is going to manage this latest fall-out. I have no idea if Boeing will serve as competition to Mew, if Boeing will be the lug nut in the polycule we're all dying for -- I have no idea. I just know that Top -- who purports himself to be above all moral judgement, winning the hearts and minds of at least two moms from out of town, wtf -- will face yet another challenge in winning Mew's heart that he likely has a stronger chance of winning, due to his station in life. Top was about to come out on Top in this episode, and I wouldn't be surprised if he hangs on for another playoff win next week. We shall see.
I'm tagging the Ephemerality Squad in permanent fury over the permanence of people judging sex, let's go! @ranchthoughts @chickenstrangers @twig-tea @distant-screaming @thatgirl4815 (THATGIRL WITH THE THEORY THAT BOEING MAY NOT BE THE EX THAT TOP AND SAND SHARE, OH SHIT!) @lurkingshan @neuroticbookworm @wen-kexing-apologist @clara-maybe-ontheroad @kayatoasted
#only friends the series#only friends#only friends meta#forcebook#force jiratchapong#book kasidet#topmew#firstkhao#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#sandray#neo trai#mark pakin#neomark#bostonnick#jennie panhan#lookjun bhasidi#title tanatorn#papang phromphiriya#ranch pointed out to me that we had THREE NEW KISSES IN THIS EPISODE#markfirst#neotitle#and markpapang#fuck yes
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Well, it's still Friday for me so I thought I'd do a MOTA Fic Rec Friday!
The links take you to AO3, though I know some of these authors have cross posted their works here as well, so I'll try to link them later :)
Also, most of these are Clegan fics, sorry (they're the ones I reread the most, which was the criteria I used for this fic rec)
Moonlight Serenade by Anonymous
Listen folks, this is The Clegan A/B/O fic for me. I post about every new chapter. I adore every line and will happily discuss how I've become a Jamie Truther, while still hoping Gale gets off his ass and treats Bucky right. Bucky has so many secrets in this fic, and you'll be on the edge of your seat waiting to unravel them all. There's also so much to be said about Bucky's emotions and how he feels so so much, often to his own detriment, and how it's presented in this fic.
an image of disquietude by bruce_the_shark
This was actually I think the first MOTA fic I ever read. I'd been watching the show, but I hadn't yet joined the fandom, so to speak. It's outsider POV with Benny and Brady building off of each other watching the infamous baseball scene in the stalag. This fic made me look up who Brady was on tumblr, and it got me into the fandom. Highly recommend. The dynamics between the copilots and the Majors draws you in as each person has a different way of showing their fear and concern.
A Kiss with a Fist by Perpetual Motion
I won't lie I recommend every single thing written by this writer. If you haven't gone on a reading binge of their stuff, what is stopping you? This fic twists canon just a bit so it's Buck fighting the RAF guys not Curt. It's honestly a love letter from Buck to Bucky and his touch, for me it is at least. It's also where I fully drank the Kool Aid that Buck is feral and protective of Bucky.
Ghost of You by BeeMaya
I once described this fic as Crosby's version of the Les Mis song 'Empty Chairs at Empty Tables' because it's just as heartbreaking to me as that song. Harry being the last man to remember the light that used to exist on base now that the officer's club feels darkened, and when you're the last one all you see are ghosts and what once was. There's a profound sadness to telling stories about the departed even when they're good stories, even when you laughed once at those stories. It's sad because you miss them and know you can never go back.
don't take that sinner away from me by cloudystars
Another author I can't recommend enough. I love a Gale POV, and I love a Western AU. So if you're like me you'll love this fic. Gale is so tender with John in this as the pair of them try to piece themselves together after the traumas they both went through.
I'll stop there, I guess! Short but these fics are really so amazing! I love reading other people's fic recs, so I thought I'd list a few I adore 🧡
#mota#masters of the air#buck x bucky#john bucky egan#clegan#gale buck cleven#harry crosby#if youre one of the authors I'm recommending here and you want off of this list please tell me and i will take you off#john brady#benny demarco#mota fic rec#mota fic#my recs
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In the beginning of this season we had Chris talking about Shannon and how it didn't matter if he wasn't being serious about the girls he's dating because all people did was leave anyway. They kind of wrapped all that up in that episode but I feel like there was a lot more to that scene than just the surface stuff.
This could have been just a convo with Eddie and Chris or even just Chris and Buck but instead it was all three of them. They put Eddie in that scene for a reason. Because it's not just Chris that's afraid of everyone leaving it's Eddie too.
More accurately Eddie is scared to lose the one person who knows him better than anyone else (think about who was there during the worst parts of Eddie's ptsd) and who was not only there but saved Eddie during the shooting. Buck is who knows him and who he depends on not just as a friend and partner but as a co parent. Just look at when he was worried about Chris this season he went straight to Buck to talk about it and ask for help.
What if Eddie has known about his feelings for Buck since he almost died in that well. If you watch that ep what he sees in his flashes of memory are predominately Buck and Chris. And what did he do after that? He added Buck to his will. Sure it was to make sure Chris was safe and looked after but if you watch and listen to Eddie when he tells Buck about the will it's clear that he was trying to say I love you to him in the only way he felt he could. Also if the will wasn't that big of a deal why did it take him a whole year to even tell Buck about it?
We've been so focused on Buck and his jealousy and insecurities (rightfully so given his past) we haven't been talking about how Eddie has a lot of those himself. What happened with Shannon scarred him a lot especially where Chris is concerned. She hadn't even been back in their lives all that long before she died and it clearly still impacts them both.
If you look at how few relationships Eddie has had since then and how he always seems hesitant to be vulnerable or invest much of himself in them this is why. I also think it's because his heart already belongs to Buck. These relationships to me have all feel very hollow like we're watching a guy just go through the motions. I mean look at how he broke up with Ana.
I think it's very likely that Eddie knows how he feels about Buck is more than just friendship but 1. He doesn't think those feelings would be reciprocated. 2. Even if they are I think Eddie is going to be scared at first to risk their friendship and change things. To lose the one person who has been a constant since he came into it. But I think Eddie's biggest hesitation will be Chris. He knows the kind of bond Chris and Buck have had so I think he would be worried about doing something to fuck that up. He still likely blames himself over Shannon's death and blames himself for why his son doesn't have a mom, so he'll likely be scared to risk losing the only other parent Chris has known.
Ultimately I do think we're going to get canon Buddie (probably not until season 8) but I do think this is one way they could drag the story out for a little bit. Like we could have Buck with his whole jealousy thing which leads him into figuring out his sexuality and at some point during all this in season 7 he'll have his Oh moment.
Eventually Eddie either finds out about Buck's feelings for him or Buck tells him and maybe we even get a kiss between them but then Eddie stops it and says he can't do it he can't risk what they have for something they might have and lose.
So into season 8 they're a little weird around each other until Buck decides to start dating a guy and we get to see Eddie being jealous and realizing he doesn't want to be without Buck anymore (and can't stand the thought of him with someone else). And this forces him to have to deal with a lot of the stuff he's never really dealt with from Shannon's death. Maybe we get some Frank scenes. Or maybe some Eddie and Maddie scenes because despite what the show would have a us believe I do think they hang out sometimes. But at some point maybe towards the end of season 8 we get one of those big sappy romantic gestures where Eddie tells Buck he loves him and he's always been his person. I'd also love it if season 8 ended up with Buck moving into Eddie and Chris' place. Buck has always been searching for where he belongs when his home is right there with his boys.
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Best Kept Secret : What If...?
a series of alternate/unused bks story lines!!
contains spoilers for all of bks!!
alternate torture @ the end
i grappled with this a lot. i very strongly believe that the worst thing you can do with your characters in a high stakes situation is coddle them. if i've learned anything from dnd it's that you cannot be afraid to hurt you characters.
yet for the first time in my life i've become so attached that i just couldn't do it.
the tongue in a box scene was something that caused me a lot of turmoil. in the original cut it was elaine's tongue, but i talked to my friend catie about it and we agreed that cutting off a lesbians tongue is fucked up. then i considered actually cutting off din's tongue, i thought that that would make for something really interesting with the big reveal if he couldn't talk to her but it just seemed too brutal? i couldn't really wrap my head around it so i eventually just made it someone elses tongue.
my replacement for that was din's leg, that was something that sort of came on at the last second, i gave him the limp as foreshadowing and then said fuck it, lets take the whole thing.
dress maker
the scene in chapter 4 where din walks in on her in the bath was originally a much longer sequence where a modiste visited the castle and there was a lot of stuff around making new dresses for her and din was going to walk in while she was getting changed.
eventually i scrapped the entire concept and gave elaine the seamstress trait instead.
multiple parties & balls (masquerade)
i briefly mentioned this in the q&a but in the original bks outline there were a lot more parties and big scenes like that. i realized pretty quickly that balls and parties are a visual medium. the reason why i like those scenes so much in other things is because they're so visually appealing which is harder to do when writing. there was going to be a readers birthday ball, a few other parties or wedding for kodos siblings etc but it always felt like filler.
the masquerade was my dream sequence that just never really fir naturally fit with the story so i eventually had to let it go.
no breakup/rules storyline
there was no break up in the original bks story board. instead, everything after chapter 7 was gonna be based around breaking each and every rule.
each chapter following would have been dedicated to breaking a few of the rules up until the last one that would have been; no falling in love, stop when i say to stop, and no kissing would have all been one big climax chapter. it would have been very little women in the 'we have got to have it out jo' sort of sense where she begs him to stop talking but he just keeps confessing.
eventually i realized that a rule or two break every chapter wasn't very sustainable. it was a fun idea and it might work in a different setting but bks at its core is supposed to be an overly dramatic period piece and there just wasn't enough conflict with that so instead i went with the breakup.
alternative ending
i had a similar ending for quite some time and one day i was listening to music and thinking about bks and realized that she loved naboo. originally they fled after kodo was killed. they built a cabin somewhere far away etc. etc.
but the character seemed to make more sense as someone who would want to do right by the people she had grown to love within the kingdom so i decided to make it a sort of thing where she disassembled the monarchy.
(there was also an ending where she faked her own death, framed kodo, and he was ripped apart by the citizens of naboo)
and of course i briefly considered genuinely killing din and having her raise the baby on her own. but the idea made me so truly upset that i just couldnt do it.
hoth story line
not much to say here other that there was going to be a thing where she went back to hoth to visit her family accompanied by the mandalorian. another thing that was fun as a concept but ended up feeling like filler so i dropped it.
elaine plot twist
another case of me really loving elaine and being conflicted about her character.
originally elaine was going to tell kodo about their relationship. it was going to be a situation where kodo suspected something and threatened lysa forcing elaine to take action but eventually i decided to use my backup which was leo since there had been foreshadowing for that anyway
neutral kodo
for quite a while i planned for kodo to be just a bad husband and not a villain. but i needed more conflict and i needed a driving force and he was easy to mold into that.
there was an alternate storyline where he fell in love with the reader and “killed” din out of jealousy
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i've had some thoughts bouncing around for a while about ofmd s2, and in light of the news, i'm going to brain dump some of them. if you don't feel like listening to me complain about HBO and would rather just go cry about OFMD not getting season 3, that's chill, go ahead, no hard feelings
so.
season 1 was absolutely the definition of lightning in a bottle. it had great acting, great writing, gorgeous set and costume design, it was great, and not only that but it was unabashedly queer
jim had a whole episode dedicated to "actually i'm not a woman i'm just jim" and then everyone - even the bad guys, even the antagonists, even their nun nana, everyone - referred to them as they/them after that, no questions asked
the main character went through an arc that was basically figuring out his sexuality and going "oh shit, i love a man" on a show that was not directly advertised as "OUR QUEER MEANS DEATH" like a, y'know, Queer Show would be
and stede and ed's romance felt like it was important. It felt like the pirates of it all was mostly incidental, background, filler, just fun to pad out the situation and give them things to be challenged by (the badmintons!) while also being fun on its own. it's the kind of show where if you pulled all the characters out and slapped them into a whole other situation like space agents or time travellers or everyone lives together in a loft runs a bakery... it'd still work. sure, the badmintons would be less murderous and run a competing bakery or something, but it'd still work, because the focus was on the characters, and on the romance between stede and ed
the first three episodes of season 3 felt that way too. the love between stede and ed was paramount and if you swapped to a mafia au or a bakery au it'd still work (with some gentle adjustments for ed's Behavior™ to be fair)
but.
season 1, they kept saying it was a rom com, and it felt like one. it was just a rom com that was set at sea! how fun!
now, rom coms have tropes. they have genre-specific things that you kind of expect from, well, a rom com. you expect mess. you expect things like ed fucking off with jack because he doesn't feel good enough
(i've recently been rewatching new girl and although some of the humor makes me cringe, it's still a great show, and one of the main things about it is that everyone is messy. no matter how much schmitt loves cece, he's going to make mistakes. no matter how obviously nick and jess are going to end up together and belong together, they're going to sleep with the wrong people, make mistakes, break up etc. it's as much a rom com as ofmd.
one of the things that makes new girl so good and makes me love the main couples so much is how hard they work to be together, how they fight adversity and the mess of their own flaws and toxicity and still get together because they love each other most, in the end)
i remember in s1 thinking how if stede had been a woman, jack would have been too, and ed would've had at least one romantic/sexual scene with jack when he ran away with him
but i also remember thinking, "yeah, but the show hadn't explicitly done the his name is ed reveal and the kiss on the beach yet, and the reveal hits so hard, it makes sense not to do that earlier", and tbh i stand by that
which brings me to s2, after the first three eps, where they tried to go back to rom com and it just felt... forced.
rom coms usually have adversity. they have other characters that directly and truly threaten the main pairing by being interesting to those characters! no matter how you feel about izzy, he was framed as a love interest or as an ex that was still complicated, but the show very much tiptoed around that
does "i have love for you" and "i loved you best i could" make sense for the characters? yeah.
do i feel like if ed was a woman, she and izzy would've had a messy rebound relationship for stede to have to contend with, for the two of them to come out the other side of wanting each other from? yeah.
ofmd s1 felt unabashedly queer. s2 felt like they didn't want to be too gay.
they put olu with a Woman™, they put jim with a woman almost like it was less queer and more acceptable this way than queering olu, they completely waved off olu and jim's relationship and dropped any concept of polyamory because that would've made it even queerer, not less queer
(i'm using queer here as a definition more of breaking boundaries and being outside of the norm to the extent it makes cishets deeply uncomfortable and the queer in question aren't conforming to society's standards. and this reading of s2 (and s1) is entirely subjective, it's just what's been bubbling here for me)
pete and lucius went from "we don't own each other" to marriage, with no footnotes of what marriage meant to them specifically, whether they were, in fact, conforming with the 'norm' of marriage (exclusivity, labels, definitions etc) or whether they were still chill about these things or whether this now meant no more penis drawings
the queerest episode was probably the party episode (which was so good), but even that was especially queer because some cast members fought to make it so (con wanting izzy's drag to be beautiful not funny has HAUNTED ME, because that means it was originally supposed to be played for laughs!!) not because it was that way naturally
the fact i read somewhere that the party and the drag was originally lupete's wedding makes so much more sense to me because yeah, they WOULD have a wedding like that, but instead they got a lame final episode wedding because it would have been way too queer to do it at calypso's birthday with drag and queer joy everywhere
it also would have been more realistic to the lucius and pete we got in season 1.
there were a lot of things in season 2 that felt... weird. we've talked about it. we have all talked about it.
the final episode, even outside of the thing i hated most, was just horribly written imo. there's big sweeping gestures and no kind of real emotional pay off for the main relationships (lupete included), and everything got tied with a neat little bow at the end
i remember when we were told s2 was 8 episodes and how much the budget had been chopped thinking, "ha, we're so not getting a season 3"
i remember when i realized how weirdly rewritten most of season 2 had been thinking, "yeah, there's not going to be a season 3"
i remember when bitching about ed's arc being totally truncated and handwaved thinking, "mm, we're not getting a season 3"
and i remember when the Revenge sailed off into the sunset with everyone but ed and stede on board thinking, "oh yeah, we're done."
just enough was left open that a season 3 could happen.
just enough was left open that if a miracle happened, there'd be something to do with season 3.
but i genuinely, 100%, hand on my heart, think djenks knew he wasn't getting a season 3
and don't get me wrong, i'm not absolving him of the poor writing choices he made in season 2, but i am saying it makes a lot more sense if you think of it from the perspective of corporate meddling and having everything taken away while he was actively trying to make season 2
we already know HBO cut the budget a ridiculous amount so they just had to make everything work with what they had. we already know HBO cut the episode number.
season 2 plays out like they prepped a good chunk of it, ready for 10 episodes, and then HBO cut the budget and cut the episodes
and so things had to be changed and chopped about. ed's arc got lots of screen time and focus for three episodes (before the cuts) and then things got quicker, and fast
characters were cut for time and for budget reasons.
and then i think towards the end of production and the end of writing, djenks learned the odds of season 3 were minimal at best, and he panicked
i think the original plan was probably for ed's arc to go for the majority of season 2. maybe a middle piece where he and stede tried but it still wasn't Right (last night was a mistake) because ed had so much to work on and so much to heal
i genuinely wonder if the finale was completely rewritten at the last minute because to me it makes way, way more sense from a narrative standpoint for things to have been more staggered out. let's consider ten episodes instead of 8:
episodes 1-5: same as they were when aired, including the gravy basket giving us set-up for what ed's dealing with internally, giving us something to latch onto and prepare for his redemption. NO KISS AT THE END OF EPISODE 5.
episode 6: ed is still wearing the bell. he's sort of done his amends with lucius, but now he needs to do amends with the rest of the ship. stede is still learning his piratey ways, so there's hijinks in the background. jim and archie and olu try to decide what their relationship is after the garlic and all, and debate room arrangements. lucius and pete announce their engagement. stede and ed nearly kiss.
episode 7: more ed redemption arc. he's still working at things, he's shying away from violence because violence is what took him down this dark path to begin with. maybe we get some discussion of his father. stede, blind to ed's flaws, insists he's nothing like his father! ed tries to make amends with izzy but somehow this is the hardest of all because he hurt him the most of all. izzy gets chance to apologize for what he now sees as his part in pushing ed down into the darkness (trying to drag blackbeard back) and izzy's apology makes ed feel worse somehow and gives him some absolution when he finally figures out how to return his own. ed kisses stede but says he wants to take it slow.
episode 8: wedding episode!! calypso's birthday!! ed uses his loot to bankroll lupete's wedding. stede reacts with violence to ned and we know from everything before that ed is actively trying to distance himself from the violence of piracy because, yeah, of course he is. is it a good idea? nope. does it make sense to his character for him to still be putting a good chunk of the blame on piracy for his actions, rather than accepting the parts of his whole and learning how to regulate those parts healthily? yes. anyway, stede reacts to his own violence by clutching for ed, ed feels after like his boundaries were pushed. same as show.
episode 9: ed is having a meltdown. he and izzy have started to heal, so izzy watching him stare at fishing boats and just chatting to him like nothing happened actually makes a lick of sense. lupete are on their honeymoon at jackie's. olu gets to hook back up with zheng and archie and jim want to go along because they're not super happy on the ship still because although ed is doing better, the past of what he does still hangs over everyone. olu, zheng, jim and archie do not discuss the poly of it all properly, and it's hilarious and a mess, and gives us something to look forward to handling in season 3. ed freaks out about stede being violent when he's the one thing he felt like wasn't violent (and thus safe for him to be with), and about taking it not at all slow, breaks things off and runs away. izzy gets stede to come back to the ship. stede gets into a fight with zheng, the bombs go off, whatever (not a fan of this for her sake but if it has to happen, it can happen)
episode 10: ed is off fishing but it's not going well and he's pissing pop-pop off all the time because he's not good at fishing. stede and co are handling the ricky of it all. the episode is mostly the same at the start, but instead of ed immediately going "omg, i gotta save bae" he doesn't find out about the attack until right at the end of the episode. stede and co make it back to the revenge and escape safely, and when ed retrieves his leathers and returns he thinks they're dead! he threatens/tortures/whatever some english and they say no, stede escaped! they all escaped! the season ends with ed, all decked out in his leathers, with his sword, now in the position stede was last season: staring out over the water, planning to find the man he loves.
this sets season 3 up for ed to be on his own for a little while, for him to handle and figure out how to channel his violence into something 'good' (wanting to find his love, wanting to protect his crew etc).
maybe season 3 flashes back to baby!ed again and the fact his first act of violence against his father wasn't motivated by anger or spite, it was motivated by wanting to protect someone he loved: his mum.
then season 3 they find each other again, and maybe they meet in the moonlight for the parallel to hit even better, they finally get back together properly, for good, with maybe some comedic issues along the way, and ed finds his place in the world to be less "blackbeard, the terror of the seas" and more "ed protects those he loves."
i honestly think this is probably how the show was originally meant to go, or at least something close.
i think midway through season 2, djenks heard it was over and he (rightfully) panicked and threw together a finale that tied up as many loose ends as he could because he knew.
and i dont think there's anything that could've been done about it. i think it was dead in the water (no pun intended) the moment all the MAX/HBO/whatever reshuffles happened, I think it was too queer and I genuinely think executive meddling made a lot of the more queer elements go away, possibly right down to trying to wipe away the exes/love interests of it all with that whole father figure thing
and, again, i'm not absolving djenks of some of his more baffling writing decisions. he's a grown man and he makes his own choices. but i am saying i think it explains a LOT about why the finale we got is what we got, and i'm not sorry stede and ed ended the show together rather than apart or with their lives hanging in the balance or something
anyway these are just a bunch of thoughts i've been having, tied together by the cancellation.
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Hey! So, I know you probably haven't watched it yet, BUT: when you do, I must know your comprehensive thoughts on the latest Rookie episode!?!
ASK AND YOU WILL RECEIVE!!!
Okay, because I'm insane, I'm going to split this into two sections: not-chenford, and chenford.
SPOILERS FOR 6x02 UNDER THE CUT
First up, everything NOT-chenford-related:
Honestly they could have botched it, but it was SO FUN having Randy back for the wedding. "Sit down, German, I got this." i mean???? iconic. Also having him be literally in Pete's place and WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND? even more iconic. I'm a ride or die Randy fan, so all his scenes just made me unreasonably happy :)
it was understandably short, but I loved having Celina ride with Nyla, finally. It was kind of satisfying to see her get humbled in interrogation, because imo Nolan has been kind of lax with her training, letting her get away with things the other rookies would have been fired for. So it's nice that she'll spend some time away from him and with a *ahem* more experienced TO. hopefully. We'll see.
Ugh, my heart breaks for Aaron this season. Kid's traumatized for REAL. And his comment to Celina about not sharing things with the therapist because he wants to get back on patrol, not necessarily get better. That bothered me. I really hope they dig into that a lot. But I also hope nothing horrible happens because of it. He seemed so unstable, even when he wasn't drunk. I'm also very interested to see where this goes with his and Celina's friendship. Just a lot of good stuff that could be a really thoughtful and interesting story if handled right...
Aaaaand this episode confirms that I intensely dislike Bailey. Everything about her character is just trying too hard, like the writers were so tired of having Nolan date and break up a few times, they were like okay fine this one can stay, and even though they have chemistry readings in the negatives, they keep trying to push it even though it feels so wrong. I'd rather have Nolan be single the rest of the show than be in this stale cardboard relationship. But it's fine, they're not going to split them up now, so I'll have to deal with it lol
The whole thing with Oscar suing was SO rushed. Like, so insanely rushed I couldn't even be annoyed at him. I hope they bring him back and do it for real, because that was weird to kind of shoehorn in there just for dramatic effect.
EPIC COP TEAMUP IN SUITS AND TIES MY BELOVEDDDD. Seriously they all looked SO GOOD chasing down bad guys and beating people up. White dress shirts were truly the MVPs of this episode
Will Celina just. be wearing long sleeves the rest of her life? Seriously how long has she been a rookie already?? Most of Angela's pregnancy and maternity leave, so at least 10 months, if not more. Hell, she should be graduating from the program soon. The timeline in this show is absolute trash.
Speaking of-- Baby Wopez name drop when????? poor girl's been nameless for too long
James coming in clutch with the playlist was chef's kiss. I LOVE that man
ALSO JAMES AND WESLEY'S BROMANCE. "I went with a suit." "Me too. Mine has a tie." "Oh my god, same!" I CAN'T WITH THESE TWO. Probably my favorite bromance of anyone ever.
Finally, just in general-- I know some people were put off by how much stuff was jam-packed into 42 minutes (again. how???) but I think they pulled it off reasonably well. There was actually very good pacing, lots of comedy and angst and everything in between. I personally LOVED this episode and I think it deserves a few rewatches just to pick up on everything they threw at us. It has its flaws, but it will definitely be a 100th episode to remember, that's for sure.
AND NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
Chenford thoughts :))))))
But first let me just get this out of the way real quick-- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHLSKDJFOAHGOIJWE;LKTH;SKLJD;LFKHAGLJKSDFA;HLGKJLSKJDKFJDKJFKDJFKJDKFJDKFJKD OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHA;LKGHSJNBMNMCC HELP KJAEHKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG IM HYPERVENTILATING AHGHGHAHSHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
okay, anyway.
Here we go!
I'm just a little bit torn on how they decided to approach this. On the one hand, it was nice that they were still able to work together and talk without excessive drama. Although... Tim shutting the door on her did hurt. Yeah. That hurt a lot. But I had really hoped that they would acknowledge that Lucy was in the wrong last episode too. She was being completely unreasonable and like Tim said, she was projecting. But in this ep, it seemed like she was validated and he was the one being unreasonable. While his trauma with Isabel is something they desperately need to talk about (like Lucy said), she was also reacting too harshly to it and being unfair with her accusations. But honestly, it's okay. We still have 8 episodes to sort it out and it seems like they're very much on the right track. I'm hoping they have a really really really intense, tearful, honest, raw, cathartic conversation about the whole thing. Seems like that's the direction they're going, so I won't hold my breath but it is something that needs to happen.
ALL OF THEIR INTERACTIONS were just so. hnnggg. so chewy. so much going on. THE LOOKS DURING THE WEDDING. hang on I'll come back to that in a sec.
The scene with the Hammer was NEXT LEVEL. (Also fun that they named the episode after That Scene, specifically. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........) For some reason I immensely enjoyed watching Tim get thrown around like a rag doll. Not sure what that's about. Never seen that side of myself before.
THE FORESHADOWING. That on-one-knee thing was more than I thought they'd give us, and OMG I ATE IT UP. The little pause, where Lucy's breath kind of catches, and Tim just seems kind of oblivious. THAT'S CINEMA, BABEY.
Kind of insane about Tim just passing out like that. Poor man.
CELINA MENTIONING LUCY'S BACHELORETTE PARTY????? hello even more foreshadowing :))))
The scene cuts back and forth when Lucy is helping with the cake and Tim with the flowers??? THEY'RE TELEPATHIC SOULMATES DON'T TALK TO ME.
And the fact that the lie detector was RANDY'S IDEA? I'm shrieking. "Ein wenig crazy," is definitely something my adhd bilingual ass has said irl
oh my lord how CLOSE she scoots her chair?? i'm melting
I thought it was kind of a nice touch to have Tim be actually surprised by the lie detector picking up his answer to the last question being a lie. Because honestly.... now it makes a little more sense: he's been lying to himself. Which is kind of an angle I didn't see coming. "I guess we do have a problem," sounds to me like he literally hasn't been able to admit to himself that he doesn't want Lucy undercover. Of course he wants her to make detective, that's not a question. Detective doesn't equal undercover. But he's been telling himself probably since day one that he's fine with it, that she's not Isabel, that he has nothing to worry about . . . and now he's finally seeing that he really is terrified. Something she's seen in him all along. And while their argument last episode was about more than just this (I still believe she was in the wrong for projecting so hard and making crazy assumptions about him), I think I can see where the writers were going with it.
THE I LOVE YOUS D E S T R O Y E D ME
Okay, back to the Looks at the wedding. Tim being all 🧍and scanning the crowd for his girl . . . Lucy delivering the Heart Eyes of the century . . . Them still sitting together because even though they're fighting, they're still each other's person, and nothing can change that . . . I'm going into cardiac arrest.
In my book, "We're gonna get through this" is a nice breath of fresh air and a bit of relief, but it doesn't mean they've worked everything out. Again, they need a good solid conversation. One that this episode was never going to give us, sadly. But it'll come!
ALSOOOO that moment when Aaron interrupts them and we see Tim's hand around her waist, I just OOF i need a moment
I AM NEVER GONNA BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS EPISODE. the foreshadowing, the parallels, the pining, the dancing, the fighting, the emotions, EVERYTHING. It was not perfect but it was WONDERFUL. 10000/10, I need to watch all their scenes about five million more times.
AND THERE WE HAVE IT. I'll definitely be posting more thoughts soon, but that's where I'm at for now. Basically I think they set the groundwork for a really solid, healthy relationship going forward. I LOVED their moments in this ep, absolutely top tier. The ANGST. I am eating up every second of it.
2 episodes down, 8 to go!!!
#the rookie#the rookie spoilers#chenford#asks#I'M SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG#I'm physically unable to be coherent at the moment#I'll maybe have to do a deep dive sometime when my thoughts settle themselves :)))#thanks for the ask!!!!!#LOL you asked for comprehensive and that's what you got xD
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audience question: what books/movies would you give (or have given) your kids to become their formative media? i'm interested to see what makes the cut 👀
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I'd let them have access to my library. If it's a book, I'll let them figure out when they're ready to handle it.
(Works fine as long as you're a decent parent and answer questions that come up without being a weirdo about it and freaking them out so they never ask you anything again.)
For films and other things... hmm... it's tricky because all of the formative tings for me were the genre I'd call Weird Art Films About Weird Sex.
If my kid were shaping up to be that kind of weirdo at 14, maybe I'd leave some of these around, but I think it would be pretty intrusive to thrust them upon anybody outside of a film school seminar. Maybe Harold & Maude. My parents rented that when I was a tween. It made An Impression. It's rare for me to see something even two or three times, but Harold and Maude I've seen dozens.
I still think the opening to Harold and Maude is one of the best of any film:
youtube
You immediately know what kind of people both of these characters are and that this isn't going to be a simple comedy, dark or otherwise.
The first time I watched it, I knew nothing about the film and was surprised at both this and all of Harold's other antics. It's hilarious until it isn't. It's a movie about zest for life vs. wanting to die, and it walks an interesting line tonally. I remember rewatching it to show it to friends in college... and for the first time understanding that look Harold gets when he sees Maude's arm.
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There was definitely media I loved pre-puberty, but the things I remember are all like Nancy Drew.
I consumed vast quantities of mystery, and it's probably why I'm a mystery novelist today, but I don't remember anything specific that feels formative in other ways. I wouldn't try to stop a kid from reading trash. I remember how infuriating it was to have adults constantly trying to make me read something "better" than Nancy Drew. But I wouldn't specifically hand my kid those or any of the other formulaic junk series (Sweet Valley High et al.). They'll find whichever ones are popular at the time just fine.
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There's a very particular feeling of my brain lighting up that I remember mostly from my teen years. Those media made me quiver and have to pause the movie. I felt seen or maybe I felt too much to handle. That's the feeling I associate with formative media for me.
Here are the ones that instantly spring to mind even after all this time:
Velvet Goldmine - Music fan investigates the glam rockers of his youth, meditating on his sexual awakening and trying to solve the mystery of where one of them went. Ewan McGregor's tweet is the sequel. I will accept no other outcome.
Crash - James Spader at the peak of his beauty falls into the world of car crash fetishists who are dealing with the ennui of modern life and the alienation of the big city and technology by becoming perverts. Contains people going down on scars and tattoos, fetishy leg braces, and what teen me assumed was homoerotic subtext. (Spoiler: it was not subtext.)
Matador - A serial killer murders her victims like a bullfighter would; she stalks her favorite retired bullfighter who is also a serial killer. Antonio Banderas plays a dweeb like always in Spain. (The rest of Almodóvar's 80s and 90s movies were also favorites.)
Kissed - The fluffy necrophilia movie
The City of Lost Children - Less horny, but what is up with Miette and One's vibe? Visually a feast. Ten times the movie Amélie is. Sorry, not sorry.
Cemetery Man - Rupert Everett kills zombies in this bizarre Italian horror movie based on a comic book character drawn to look like Rupert Everett. My stepfather thought it looked like something I'd like and rented it for one of my birthday parties in high school. Around the time of the quasi necrophilia sex scene I realized 1. he'd chosen well and 2. he had clearly not read the back too carefully.
The Pillow Book - Japanese-Chinese novelist named after Sei Shonagon has a battle of literary wits with the publisher who blackmailed her father into sex with him. Involves a lot of calligraphy on naked men, including Ewan McGregor.
Sex, Lies & Videotape - Unfulfilled housewife has her world turned upside down when her shitty husband's college best friend comes to visit. This dude has become unable to be with women after a bad breakup and interviews and videotapes women discussing their masturbation habits for his own private use. Contains a famous and stupid quote about men falling in love with the people they sleep with and women becoming more and more attracted to the people they love, but the movie is far less gender normative than the character saying that.
Tesis - Uptight film student who pretends not to like violence decides to do a thesis on violence in Spanish media. Her advisor dies while watching a mysterious tape he got from somewhere. She steals it, finds out it's a snuff film, and investigates with the help of a creepy horror film nerd.
The best scene is when they're watching some violent shit she asked him for ("for her thesis") and she says "What kind of people watch this stuff?"
He answers: "You, for example."
That one I discovered when my roommate in Japan was watching it a couple of years after college. Many of these I saw in high school. That's the range where I remember things being particularly formative. Or maybe it's about what I'm open to at different points in my life: I think weird art films can still make me feel too much, but I don't always like that feeling, and I don't seek them out as much now.
Knife+Heart made me flash back to that era though. It's a neon-drenched period piece about a lesbian director of artsy gay male pornos investigating a serial killer targeting her actors. The sheer levels of meta insanity and horny murder scenes, my god!!!
Running through all of these are themes of ambiguous sexuality, often queer but also non-genitally-focused, massive quantities of voyeurism, meditations on what it means to be a fan, and a boatload of death=sex=death vibes.
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That's not quite what you asked, but basically, my own formative media isn't something I'd share with just anyone. If people want to watch necrophilia-filled art films of the 90s, I think they need to choose that for themselves.
I guess all that access to Beatrix Potter and watching basically no TV other than Mystery! or Masterpiece Theater (i.e. UK costume dramas catering to a teaboo market and co-funded by the US) during my early childhood had an effect. So did going to schools where we studied Asian American history and read Dragonwings.
None of those media stand out. I'd share them with my kid, but one example is as good as another. Knives Out delivers substantially the same experience as most of them. Watching whatever anime is hot now will be as good as watching the anime I liked when I was young.
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Step By Step Ep 10 Stray Thoughts
Last week on HR Violations, Jeng made his feelings plain to Pat, and Pat was not prepared for one more emotional blow. Jeng had a complete emotional breakdown in a standpoint bit of acting from Man Trisanu. We spent much of the week unpacking exactly what happened with Pat, and determined that he’s just 25, tired, and overwhelmed. Ae had her baby, and nothing made sense from a practical standpoint. Jeng broke all of us with “It makes sense to me,” and now we’re supposed to just stroll back into this.
I still approve of Jeng doing the responsible thing and keeping his distance from Pat.
I love Chot so much. I am loving this new trend in BL about shows encouraging people to respect the feelings people are expressing, and reminding characters (and viewers) that I takes a lot of courage to express them. It’s still okay to reject people, but treat people kindly. Love Chot making the overall situation plain for Pat and confused viewers.
“It’s been eight years already. I’m used to it,” feels like a subtle commentary on BL itself. Chot has not been able to live his live a openly as he’d like with his boyfriend because the family wouldn’t approve. Coincidentally, that’s the same amount of time we’ve been in the current era of Thai BL. For all the money and interest that’s been poured into BL, lived queer experiences still face daily struggles.
A carrot cake? Pat, please do better.
I see. The show is going to make me cry about Chot. It’s time to write an essay about Step By Step.
“It’s alright. I own this place.” Sir!!!
My man just trashed his own kitchen to get it in.
Smitten looks good on Pat.
He let me hit so I can follow back on Insta
These two have lost all composure. Hooking up in the company parking lot!
Chot is trying to cover for these two, but they are being unfortunately way too obvious.
I’m having complicated reactions to the homelessness scene. Feels like the show wants to quickly shine a lens on an issue important to the filmmakers, but it feels awkward as hell.
Hey, it looks like the Fjord project went well.
Okay, Pat’s dad is funny. I like his specific beef with Jeng. Still, I kinda hoped he’d ask harder questions like, “How is this supposed to work if you’re still his boss?”
They keep going to this one shot when they go to the bedroom that’s clearly from the closet and using Dutch angles. This feels intentionally designed to make me uneasy.
Oh they're using P' and Nong now.
Ben has a happy trail. Let me pause and collect myself.
WHERE IS THE BABY??
Did they give the hets a camera angle kiss??
Oh nevermind it was meant to cut to Pat and Jeng as a potential future.
Now you know Ae was aiming for Pat with that bouquet. She is messy like that.
Wait, so Jaab is seeing someone else now?? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to get from Jaab and Jen.
Okay, we found the baby.
I like that Beam and Ae didn't touch each other, if I'm reading this right. Glad we can put this to bed.
Oh, I don't like Jeng promoting Pat into his position. That's not good for either of them.
Suddenly, a glow up for Ying?
Whoa, was not expecting this EXTREME GEN X ENERGY from Ying in Pat's corner.
"Haven't I been strong enough?" is a whole mood.
Yet another instance of BL reminding us that they both have dicks.
"I want to be happy with you." Oh, Jeng. I am also lonely in my 30s. I get it. I really do. But, my man, you cannot put this on Pat.
Pat's resignation was inevitable. Jeng, who's normally so controlled, definitely lost all composure this episode.
I'm not jumping directly into the discourse here, but I will say clearly that I am only watching through Gaga. Do not send me comments, asks, or messages about episodes only available legally through WeTV fast track. I don't subscribe to spoiler culture, but please don't be rude.
As for this episode, I feel a bit muddled. I'm going to spend some time thinking about core themes and seeing what this show actually wants to explore.
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A lot of people talk about the RayMew kiss in front of Top but I haven't seen anyone talk about the way things went down prior to the kiss, namely how passive Ray was and how unlike him that was (based on his previous reactions to Top). At one point during their conversation, Top even held Mew's hand and Ray stayed quiet.
Contrast this with the way he reacted in ep 7 when Top brought Mew some books. And when he tried to touch Mew then, Ray flew off the handle, but now that they're supposedly "together" he doesn't even say anything. I don't know what I'm trying to say with this other than I find it curious.
Also, I didn't really question RayMew's relationship status the first time I watched the episode, I just assumed they were boyfriends because that's what Sand assumed but reading some of your conversations with the anons, I've thought about it and it does actually make sense for them to not even be an official couple. The theory that they didn't even define their relationship (and all Mew said was that maybe they should "give it a try" instead, which doesn't necessarily mean "we're boyfriends now") seems very plausible to me, with the way Ray's been acting as well (saying the equivalent of "we'll have to see if it works" to Sand outside the bar, not going into "protective boyfriend" mode when Top touched Mew, chasing after Sand, etc.).
Ooh that’s a great observation! I hadn’t thought about the holding hands bit. I do think it’s easy to get caught up in the kiss and ignore all of the telling details before it so thx for pointing that out.
Even when they’re semi-together now (or at least, Ray has more hope that they are), it seems like Ray is slipping farther away. Maybe he’s worried about scaring Mew off? You’re right, I totally would’ve expected Ray to blow up at Top there, but he lets Mew handle the situation.
Part of me thinks it’s because Ray wants to see what Mew will do without his interference. Like, “Will he actually reject Top?” It’s also coming off of the scene where Mew refused to kiss him, so I understand Ray being uncertain about where things stand. Maybe Ray thinks that if Mew is really committed to him, then he’ll prove it by rejecting Top this time. Coming off of their previous scene, I could see him viewing it like a test.
The first time I watched, I also didn’t really question the status of RayMew’s relationship, but after looking back on some of the dialogue and their interactions, it just really struck me how undefined it is. Especially from Mew. We know Ray is eager to give it a try, but Mew seems generally apathetic about it, despite how optimistic he acted at the end of Ep7. I think the majority of Ep8 sees Ray coming to terms with why things won’t work out between him and Mew. Unsurprisingly, a lot of it has to do with Mew’s disinterest in him beyond being a rebound. But just in general, I think they’re incompatible romantically.
#thank you for pointing out that bit about Top grabbing Mew’s hands#Ray’s reaction is very interesting#only friends the series#only friends#ofts#sandray#RayMew#TopMew#ask#only friends ask#only friends episode 8
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LITA Ep 1 rewatch thoughts
Taking it from the top! Why is Phayu literally the nicest person ever? Like he just saw someone's car stalling near the road in the rain and he just stopped to help? I love that this is their official intro to each other bc it gives us viewers a clear impression of their dynamic from the very beginning. The music selection in this scene is so funny though bc it's intense and dangerous and Phayu is literally just telling Rain to turn his hazard lights on lmao.
I also love that every time Phayu helps Rain, he does so with encouragement for Rain to be more self-sufficient. The tire-changing is example one.
"You're so handsome" RAIN pls control yourself... I mean we all agree and Phayu's already looking interested but danggg
Ah Sky, the long-suffering (affectionate) BFF. Did we ever find out when they met? Was it just in college or before, bc it looks like Sky's Rain-related-nonsense-tolerance meter is constantly maxed out and that usually comes from long-term friendships.
I LOVE HIM there is not a single thought behind these eyes
Yassss department god Phayu for the win!! Love how this montage makes Phayu seem like a highly elegant and smart guy (which he is) but then we just watch him be a dork over Rain the rest of the series.
Fast forward a bit to the restaurant scene bc I forgot to keep typing...
Ok yeah sure you don't remember Rain, Phayu. Please, you made a beeline directly to him as soon as you walked in. Also, this scene makes my heart beat faster even though they do a lot more later on (where are those eyes looking, eh Phayu?).
The next scene where Phayu wipes Rain's hair gives me mixed feelings bc on the one hand, I don't like how Rain literally had to hit Phayu with a pillow before he'd let go, but on the other I didn't actually get a sense of danger from Phayu. I also did like that Phayu threw out "actually I'm bisexual" so casually - love that for us. I also think it's hilarious how fast Rain falls into the "I'm so into Phayu" headspace. I've heard some people call it subspace and from what I know I'm inclined to agree but I don't know enough to comment on that further. Also here begins the saga of Rain having a death-grip on Phayu's neck during intimate moments. We stan <3
Somehow I didn't notice the thermostat being set so low during every rewatch of this episode until now - I was always confused as to why Rain had to go under the covers but I get it.
When they wake up and Rain calls Phayu a bunch of names I couldn't stop laughing - it's even funnier when you know what's coming in the next few eps. Also my son really went "no thoughts head empty" after a single cheek kiss from Phayu. What a cutie
Rain cursing at the storm is so cute!!! Also we love our logical bestie Sky as always.
I LOVE P'Aon!! Also he's the first person to call Rain Phayu's boy and for some reason I think that's v v cute
I accidentally paused and can't stop laughing at Phayu's face here PLSSSS
And we've made it to the ending scene!! Ahhhh this makes me SO SOFT! I love it when characters tuck their face into their partner's neck when they're sleeping - there's something about the trust and comfort needed to do that which makes me so happy to see it play out. And Phayu's little "I'm really starting to like you, Rain" with the SOFTEST little smile on his face URGH I'M EXPERIENCING EMOTIONS
This is one of my favorite opening episodes of a series! We got introduced to all the main players as well as the key side-characters, and we got a good understanding of who Rain and Phayu are as individuals (less so on Phayu's side for now) and their dynamic together. I was so hyped to finish the rest of the series as soon as I finished this episode the first time
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hi love *does a lil twirl* hope you’re having a gay day. please share your duck thoughts and psychoanalyse it. if you want. if not you can just send me a lil kiss
૮ • ﻌ - ა
OMGNSBFH THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU
congrats now yall have to read my duck thoughts bc my love gave me the chance [I'm on mobile so excuse any weirdness btw] as always this is a personal opinion etc etc and I like to connect the webseries with the TV series as a sequel ♡ + some fluffybird undertones bc im gay and they are too
OKAY SO!¡ HE'S A VERY COMPLEX CHARACTER, PEOPLE UNDERESTIMATE HIM AND LEAVE HIM TO BE "just a pet" OR "just a replaceable doll" BUT HES SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.
I believe, just like Red and Yellow, he has free will about his thoughts, but not fully about his actions sometimes. He loves the other two (in different ways) but he can't show it, he doesn't know how to and he's too scared to do it. This eternal torment took his ability to show his emotions, and the same thing happened to Red. It didn't apply to Yellow, because his innocence protected his emotional intelligence.
The days go by and he's still trapped, but he's too scared to say anything about it. That's why he tries to stick to the world they know, he doesn't want to risk anything worse happening.
It's not that he's completely clueless, but he thinks (He knows from experience) saying something about the situation will make things worse. An example is episode 5 of the webseries, I believe he realized Red was missing but he didn't say anything because he could see Roy watching them behind the scenes, he tried to answer Red's calls and was trying to be subtle about alerting Yellow, this went on until he finally gave up and tried to leave...
And you know how that went for him, and for Yellow too. I wouldn't want to try again either.
I think that's when we see his first real "death", not an illusion like the Time episode where they see themselves dying on what appears to be just an illusion. That's why he was so scared when the giant cans took his organs, he looked terrified, they had to make him sleep at first and trap him so he would let it happen. He didn't know he would come back.
Yet, when his heart straight up falls out in the new series he's just like oh!! Haha oh well guess I'm dead see ya.
Because he knows he's gonna come back. He's aware "the journey always ends up back at home" and he can't die forever no matter what. He's super chill about getting his insides removed.
But the longer he's trapped, everything gets worse. He gets worse, his relationship with the other two gets worse, and he becomes more and more scared to leave or change anything [Ex: Yellow getting new batteries upsets him deeply because he has no way of knowing if that will make things worse or better]
He and Red used to reassure Yellow about how much they loved him and didn't want him to be sad, they tried to cheer him up when they got a chance and apologized when they made him feel bad.
Now, in the june 20th loop, his only response is yelling and hitting the other two. Because at the end of the day everything is pointless and they're all going crazy. He doesn't want to try anymore, we see he never makes the first move. Again, he's too scared to do that and he knows it's pointless. He lost all hope.
Even in the simplest things. When the computer gives too many results his first response is "Well let's give up." And that's his philosophy for everything.
But if someone else takes the first step, he will follow. He doesn't want change unless he feels like it's good change. Even then, he's hesitant about it.
But he will always have opportunities to show his real self through the denial and funny aggressive personality he made up to hide himself behind. He loves Red, he loves looking at him. And even when they were having privacy and a soft moment for themselves, he was asking "but what about Yellow?"
I know "they just hate each other and never want to see each other again" is a very common interpretation in the fandom now, but I feel like they still care.
Duck still cares, but he's scared. If he shows he cares, this world will gladly take Red and Yellow away from him. Staying in denial will always be easier. He's ok with dying a thousand times, at the end of the day he knows he will come back.
#don't hug me i'm scared#dhmis#duck dhmis#dhmis duck#red guy#yellow guy#fluffybird#fluffybird dhmis#dhmis headcanons#dhmis theory#yellow guy dhmis#red guy dhmis#long post#asks
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