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renaerys · 3 years

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PPG One-Shot: Six Degrees Chiller (Brick/Blossom)

A new cute one-shot in honor of @carriedreamerx birthday! In the same high school AU as part 1, part 2, and part 3, but can totally stand-alone. Also posted on my AO3. Tune in for some laughs and some Reds cuteness!

Summary: Brick goes deodorant shopping. It doesn't end well. (Or does it??)

xxx

Brick squinted at the nine-foot shelf packed with a full color wheel of deodorants and antiperspirants. The sheer surfeit of brands and scents was as daunting to behold as it was absolutely batshit insane—how many ways did people need to not smell like a dirty gym sock?

He picked a random stick and scowled at the label as if it had offended him and all his future progeny. Who the fuck would want to smell like mango lassi?

The squeak of a shopping cart rolling down the aisle sent Brick into a febrile panic for a hot second, and he shoved the saccharine deodorant stick back onto the shelf. A geriatric woman with a hunched back, a bright head scarf, and eyes so folded over with wrinkles it was a miracle she could see anything at all wheeled her cart slowly past Brick, who froze where he stood. She smiled politely at him, and he nodded out of sheer self-preservation instinct. The moment she passed him, he yanked the bill of his red cap lower over his eyes.

“Get a grip,” he grumbled. He was an eighteen-year-old guy buying deodorant, not stool softener. He was totally casual and had absolutely no reason to be so fucking paranoid. Nobody who might recognize him was coming to Cooper’s Market at 8 a.m. on a Sunday.

Brick wiped his clammy palms on his jeans and searched the shelves for what he’d come for so he could hurry up and leave. There it was, fifth shelf in a sea of sleek black and edgy, neon letters: Axe Ice Chill.

“Okay, do you consider yourself more of a music lover, sports star, gaming guru, or style icon?” Boomer had asked as he sat cross-legged on the sofa with his laptop open to the Axe “Find Your Magic” test a few months ago.

“Sports star,” Butch had said on his left, and poked the screen that wasn’t a touch-screen.

“That’s you, moron,” Brick had said, totally above this stupid test. “Pick style icon.”

Boomer grinned. “Oh yeah, your hoodies are so stylin’.” He clicked the next question. “Signature scent? Huh, maybe warm and aromatic?”

“Sounds like one of those Yankee holiday candles,” Butch had said.

Unfortunately, he had a point.

“Well, you're not exactly woody and earthy, and you’re definitely not fruity and sweet—”

“Just go to the next one.” Brick clicked on “fresh and cool” and waited for the screen to load. “Smellin’ good!” the loading page flashed at him. Jesus fucking Christ.

When the quiz presented a true or false statement, Butch moved like he had a bug up his ass and slammed the touchpad before Brick or Boomer could do anything about it.

Boomer tried not to laugh. “Dude, come on.”

“Please, he’s a punk-ass dweeb who’d never make the first move in a fight, let alone on a girl—” Butch had taunted.

Brick punched him in the throat with his Super speed and smiled at the sound of his asshat brother gagging. “Choke and die, motherfucker.”

Butch wheezed as he laughed through the pain, and Brick and Boomer breezed through the more generic age and appearance questions: under 18, long hair (“Mane Man!” the quiz gushed, and Brick almost melted Boomer’s laptop right there), and natural look. After an artificially anticipatory loading screen, a picture of a dude with a clown nose crowd surfing in a sepia Instagram filter appeared on the screen with the generic “Be your best self!” encouragement in blocky letters superimposed upon it, and finally the expert, personalized recommendation for Brick’s body spray needs.

“Because you’re hotter when you’re chill.” Brick had cringed when he read that idiotic tagline the first time, and he cringed reading it again now in the deserted personal hygiene aisle where he prayed no one would find him buying this cry-for-help vanity spritz.

However.

He sprayed a bit of mist in the air and reveled in that cool, icy scent that wasn’t a scent so much as a feeling. Six degrees chiller in a bottle. The first time he’d tried it (under great duress), he’d griped and bitched and slammed his bedroom door to get away from his howling brothers. Settled on his bed with a frown, he had to admit it did cool him off. It was almost pleasant. The smell wasn’t overwhelming like that tiger piss Butch bathed in on the daily. But it wasn’t out of this world compared to the generic shit he’d been using before.

It wasn’t until Blossom sneezed on their way out of AP Lit that her ice breath—and understanding—hit him with the force of a cold snap to the balls.

“Sorry, did I get you?” she’d said, abashed as she covered her mouth with one hand and fished out a bottle of Purell from her messenger bag with the other. Her ice splatter fast melted on his shoulder as his too-warm body absorbed the cold with a bizarre, but extremely pleasant, shiver down his spine.

Son of a bitch, but he had a kink.

Which, of course, spiraled way the hell out of control when he found himself here months later with a recycled shopping bag he’d brought so he could carry the three bottles of Axe Ice Chill he planned to purchase home, because Brick planned ahead and liked to keep his bathroom well-stocked.

Which also, of course, was why at that very moment, fate decided to punch him in the dick.

“Bubbles, you have, like, fourteen bottles of shampoo at home! You don’t need another one,” Buttercup groused at 8 in the goddamned morning on a Sunday.

“Those are all different products, not just shampoo. Honestly, Buttercup.” Bubbles zipped into the aisle with Buttercup on her tail just at the moment Brick had his second panic attack in the span of five minutes and completely lost his shit.

He launched the bottle of Axe Ice Chill so hard into the ceiling that it lodged in there tighter than a prairie-dogging turd.

“Brick?” Blossom’s hand on his shoulder nearly sent him yeeting after his abused body spray, if the sheer mortification didn’t rob him of further motor function and exactly one hundred percent of his brain cells.

Like her sisters, she wore a jacket over her pajama pants. They must have just popped over for some last-minute breakfast staples and a side of peer humiliation. But even in those criminally hideous Ugg boots and five boxes of pancake mix in her shopping basket at 8 on a fucking Sunday morning, her smile glowed.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” he returned lamely, because that was all she was getting from him until his neurological functions rebooted.

“Hi, Brick,” Buttercup said, suspicious like usual and searching for some excuse to bust his balls for a laugh. “What’re you doing here?”

The Super sisters had cornered him in front of the Teen Spirit, which came in an absolutely frightful eighteen scents because there was nothing pubescent teenagers needed more than eighteen reassurances that their social survival depended on smelling like a potpourri candy bar.

“Shopping, obviously,” Bubbles said. “Ooh, Brick, you have straight hair. What do you think?” She held up two bottles of brightly colored free-range, organic hair shit.

“I think I was just leaving,” he managed.

“Empty-handed?” Buttercup peered at him like he might transform into a literal dick with ears if she only managed not to blink for long enough. He could smell the threat of a joke on her.

“They didn’t have the brand I wanted.”

“Oh, that sucks,” Bubbles said, genuinely stricken.

“Girls, let’s get going. I really want those pancakes,” Blossom said.

“We better grab more syrup. Buttercup finished it all,” Bubbles said, already moving away. She dropped both hair products in Blossom’s basket, not bothering to choose between them.

“Oh please, everybody knows you and the Professor are the syrup fiends in this house.” Buttercup floated after her and waved to Brick. “Hey, tell that shithead to answer my texts. He owes me $20.”

“Uh-huh,” Brick said, fully intending not to mention anything about this conversation to Butch at all.

“Sorry about your favorite brand being sold out,” Blossom said.

It’s fine, he would have said had she not caught his cheek in her hand and pressed a frosty kiss to the corner of his lips before he could do anything about it. Frozen fernlings crept over his cheek and chin, down his neck, and slowly absorbed through his now flushed skin, and he shivered. Without even thinking about it, he reached for her, but she was already walking away to catch up with her sisters.

When she got to the end of the aisle, she shot him a cheeky grin over her shoulder and had the nerve to wink at him. “Stay cool, Brick.”

Red in the face and high on her, Brick just stood there like an idiot gawking at his kind of unofficial girlfriend and the singular dominating object of his fantasies, be they sexual or otherwise. What was dignity when she smiled at him like that? What was a paltry imitation in a bottle when she kissed him like that?

The paltry imitation fell from its hole in the ceiling and exploded on the tiled floor at Brick’s feet with a winter ferocity that, in that moment at least, rivaled Blossom’s in the heat of battle.

When Brick got home later that morning and Boomer asked him why he smelled like a snowman’s asshole, Brick burned the clothes on his back and spent the next half hour in the shower thinking about how he was going to convince Blossom to make the first move and finally make them official.

xxx

Y’all better appreciate the research that went into this fic. That Axe quiz is real and I took it pretending to be Brick, and it literally does spit out a photo of a dude wearing a clown nose in a club. If that’s not a sign from the Daddy that I’ve chosen the righteous path, then idk what is. Sacrifices to my Chrome search history were made for this fic in the name of celebrating Carrie, ergo, worth it.

#Blossick #PPG Reds #Blossom #Brick #Powerpuff Girls #PPG Fanfic #Powerpuff Girls Fanfiction #february fic prompts #ppg shook

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liodendrama · 2 years

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Hello everyone, I'm here to put in my two cents on the Rival/Ruggie situation. I know this blog is here for people to go batshit about whatevers on their mind, so I understand why people are coming here to talk about it. Get shit off your mind however you want to- but when it comes to situations where you are quite literally endangering a minor and telling them to kill themselves (Especially from you, hi Rival!!) is when I feel like I need to step in and set some shit straight. So, I'm some 19 year old on the internet who has no business getting into drama, but Ruggie's my friend and fuck you if you expect me to turn my back on it. I'm not necessarily choosing sides, but I do want to explain a bit of what I see going on. To give some backstory on me and Ruggie's relationship, I met it through a mutual friend and since then we've grown pretty close. I've been with it through whatever situations it needs help on, and its been with me. Our friendship isn't one sided, aka how friendships are meant to be. I didn't delve too deep into this blog because I'm tired and I really would rather not be doing this right now, but whatever. Feel free to respond with screenshots and prove me wrong ig??? Idk. My discord is JustLiam#1169 if you want to have a private conversation and be chill, but meh- attack me if you want- I've got time. So, onto the drama I guess. Earlier today I checked in on Ruggie to see what was up, just an average check in to make sure it was alright. Shit went south pretty quick because, well, all this shit was happening. They sent me screenshots, so I'm here to provide my commentary on those screenshots. (All of these screenshots are from Rival to Ruggie, from what I understand.) First Screenshot: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/914430626873106442/926653163413585920/Screenshot_2022-01-01-02-04-28-36.jpg "congrats ruggie" more like congrats rival, you got my lazy ass to make a tumblr account LMAO. First off, rival, aren't you.. 18?? Picking fights with a 15 year old?? Yikes. Let's carry on. Second Screenshot: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/914430626873106442/926653163682013194/Screenshot_2022-01-01-02-04-38-82.jpg?width=734&height=428 I admit, I call Ruggie out all of the time for having attention seeking behaviours. I used to be a total attention seeker. I've been trying to help Ruggie get past those habits. It is aware that it can be frustrating sometimes. If you're trying to tackle a behavior caused by emotional distress and neglect, the absolute WORST WAY to handle it is by causing even more emotional distress- but I mean.. good job rival...?? Ig??? Oh, and bringing neglectful parents into it. Great way to remind a 15 year old of their trauma, Rival!! Suicide dates are a call out for help. That's what friends do. They help. If you're gonna shit on someone for that, I mean.. wow. That is disgusting. You are an adult. Get a life. Third Screenshot: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/914430626873106442/926653163916910592/Screenshot_2022-01-01-02-04-47-70.jpg?width=881&height=428 Just more rival shitting on coping mechanisms. Again, if someone has an unhealthy coping mechanism- it is good to call them out, great even, but do it in a healthy manner. Not in a "You fucking pathetic pussy you have horrible habits" way. (No, rival did not say that. It was an example lmao.) Fourth Screenshot: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/914430626873106442/926653164176936970/Screenshot_2022-01-01-02-04-56-38.jpg?width=541&height=428 I'm sorry to be a spelling cop, but "egoistic". (Genuinely sorry, not funny joke, I just think I'm hilarious.) "most of us don't even care about your fucking suibaits" Most of everyone doesn't care about your opinion, rival, but here you are spreading it like the plague. (Honestly same though, that's what I'm doing here.) "the walls are listening" man, they really took edgy assassin aesthetic to a whole new level. we love threats to minors here, ig???? "might as well turn those 55 days into 5, while you're at it" Jesus fucking christ rival. You just told a full ass minor to kill themselves in five days. What the fuck is wrong with you? What is going on in your life to make you tell A FUCKING 15 YEAR OLD TO KILL THEMSELVES?? HOLY SHIT. Get a fucking life!! Oh my god!!! Wowee motherfucker, you just endangered a minor!! Fifth Screenshot: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/914430626873106442/926653164483149864/Screenshot_2022-01-01-02-05-05-84.jpg?width=778&height=428 Too bad rival doesn't have anything better to do with its life than attack a 15 year old :// Ooo, using "schizo" as an insult? Shitting on schizophrenia now, are we? Sheesh. Yes, I agree, get help. Jesus. Oh yay how funny "loll" bringing up more triggers!!! Sixth Screenshot: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/914430626873106442/926653164738986024/Screenshot_2022-01-01-02-05-12-46.jpg?width=894&height=428 Rival really out here like "imma end this mans whole career" like what. literally threatening a minor? pardon? "you wouldn't be the first one to have their reputation tainted by me" YIKES. Admitting to possible blackmail and defamation of character? Nice. This would rack up a few nice charges if we took it to court. (But we can't, so I'm calling it out on a salt blog. How fun.) Anyways. That's it I guess. Salt blogs are fun. TL;DR: Screenshots and talking shit about Rival and the way it quite literally told a minor to kill themselves, endangering a minor, shitting on coping mechanisms & mental disorders. Anyways, yeah. Feel free to witch hunt me too, I guess. Again, my discord is JustLiam#1169 if you want to talk or scream at me too. I didn't proof read this so I probably have a lot of stupid typos or whatever LOL. (If I used the wrong pronouns for anyone, I am sincerely sorry! Please let me know!!)

#screenshots #salt #tw

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stillwooozy · 3 years

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im so happy be back in my apt it makes me feel guilty cuz i like being there for my siblings but

even post heart attack and covid and almost-death my mom is MEAN to me. everything i fcking do is wrong, and if ONLY i listened to her.

im a fucking train wreck, but im trying, and im functional. Idk i’ve learned to be proud of myself

I left at like 5am to “beat traffic” but rly i just needed to leave

My 12 yr old brother said he “didnt really love AoT & isnt invested in s4” but he’s giving Death Note a try so you know what. stfu.

A few hrs after i got back my sister called crying about my mom just being difficult to her. And i have problems w/ my sister but also.... come on. mom jfc. pretend to have an emotional iq for a second. My sister has always had a good relationship w/ my mom up until now. But i guess menopausal moms and their 19 yr old daughters dont get a long.

I have good moments w/ my mom. when she came home we were both got high on trams and weed & my sister was sober but hanging w/ us. My brothers were entertaining themselves and my dad was gone (dad and mom cannot be in the same vicinity of eachother, they legally married, but jfc they even live apart. it is hell when they are together) and it was so fun. i was making jokes (that i kinda regret because it was tmi) about the men i’ve hooked up w/ in the apt next door, and telling her about the “straight dads” down her residential block that are “discrete” on grindr. She thought it was hilarious. My sister allowed me to swipe for her on tindr & talk to guys and let me say - straight men really do suck. there was like 1 that was attractive & seemed to have a good personality & didnt want sex asap. & i think my sister is very pretty so she matched w/ a good amount of people. ANYWAYS straight guys either have 0 idea how to converse and/or just want to fuck right away. I mean those are grindr-gays, but tindr-gays arent looking for that - and if they are it obvious so u just swipe left if not interested in a hookup. I guess there isnt a straight-grindr but there should be. Anyways my mom was telling me stories about shrooming in college and when she hiked the TMB & hitchhiked around europe for 2 yrs, met my dad but forgot about him, and then met him in the US 2 yrs later. It was interesting, and she wasnt judging me & we were actually laughing. Ik its the drugs and that is sad. Ik she is “mentally ill” in some manner too, but i can’t control her lack of self awareness, all i can control is myself. And that is hard when i come from a long line of schizos & bpd & even a probably-APD! some diagnosed, some u just loook at and go “yea they are batshit” i mean... i also come from a family is severly traumatized ppl, either losing everything in ww2 and/or the whole israeli conflict. like jfc i do feel bad. fleeing europe to israel cuz no one else will take u, and then fighting for ur safety & really no other choice, and then finally ur offspring move to america and canada. my paternal grandpa is literally the sole survivor in his family of ww2, i mean he remembers nothing, he was the youngest and shipped off to America to live w/ a branch of the family that came a while earlier cuz they were offered business or something idk.

Im rly on too many stims. And yet. I am posting in my ~diary~. i get to work tomorrow and im actually happy cuz i like the research. although im having like.. nothing. u think grads are paid horribly (they are)?? Undergrads have to be groveling at the feet of ppl to get any kind of paid internship. i mean i had experience before cuz i did unpaid research for 2 semesters in another lab. My hours, when im not impromtu fleeing cuz my mom may die, are more than 40+ a week. i mean i have enough to pay rent and thats about it :/ as long as im not in debt im gucci. i stockpile on-sale dog food and im fine living off beans and rice so were good for a while. I have crypto that is a backup but that is either used for drugs and as an “investment”.

like i cant rly get a traditional 9-5 retail job while working in this lab. while also having full-time classes. i was doing lab work 20 ish hrs a week (unpaid ofc), managing my friends band/booking shows/promotating & getting a fair chunk from that, walking a neighbors dog 3 times a week but honestly that took 20 mins of my day & was almost a free $45 dollars a week cuz a just walked her w/ my own dogs, + full time school and.... pre-covid, i was getting into the groove of college & while not making a bunch - i was comfortable for being a 20yr old scumbag? i mean i was working my ass off for my friend but i enjoyed it and was optimistic as hell. i didnt have to cut myself off fully from the song revenue but honestly that was unusual (to my knowledge) for an indie band at all, but i accepted it ofc until covid. my best friend spiraled and 2 of the bandmates lost their jobs and like. their passive income was tiny so why tf should i take from it? shows & selling merch at said shows (for us) made the most. online merch is eh & i wont take a cut until after covid. Plus they are on hiatus and any local “hype” that was beginning to build is long dead cuz they are probably long dead. not high enough to give a shout out to my 2.5 followers cuz my identity will not be exposed hehehehe. i mean if someone rly wanted to u could figure out thru all my info dumping of my personal life on here but eh, pls dont. this is my fancy lil diary where i spew aboslute nonsense & show off how fast i can type when i type before i finish any type of concise thought in my head

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frozs · 7 years

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I only have twelve bullets, and you’re all gonna have to share: Chapter 1/4

Summary:

Hidan and Rock Lee race around the world trying to find Orochimaru, the dickhead who made Hidan immortal. Deadpool inspired fic.

Warnings: Swearing and shit, Hidan x Ino (Is that even a warning? idk)

Word Count: 3, 527

@syndellwins

“For peace, and silence, we have our sacrifices that make Konoha, and the rest of the world yearn for peace…”

All Hidan could hear was: blah blah. blah, blah blah.

(Blah blah).

“For The Will of Fire, amen.”

Everyone said amen at once, except for Hidan, who wasn’t paying attention. His girlfriend, Ino, was sobbing quietly into a polka dot handkerchief next to him. Hidan had only turned up because Ino demanded he pay respects to her father, who’d lost his life during The Fourth World War. He’d been in the intelligence division, and although he didn’t like Hidan very much, Inochi supported their “relationship” - if you could call it a relationship. It definitely wasn’t a normal relationship.

Inopig - Ino’s pet miniature pig - was sitting on a cushion next to Ino, whose handkerchief matched the frilly vest she’d dressed the little creature in. On Hidan’s side was probably some other blonde haired, blue eyed Yamanaka who looked at him accusingly as if he shouldn’t be there.

Ino had said that Hidan should come along to the memorial service, especially because it was religious, and told him to pay his fucking respects as he was a good little god-fearing twit, wasn’t he?

Ino and Hidan were both snarky fuckers who somehow managed to make their relationship work in a war zone. The Yamanakas played a large part in the war, in the area of intelligence-gathering and interrogation. Ino was promoted to head of interrogation after the enemy blew up HQ, and quickly she and Hidan became a close-knit team; she as the interrogator, and he the torturer.

They had mostly argumentative hate sex in the secluded dugout where nobody went - once even someone got shot and died just as they finished. Ino had pushed away, saying that was disgusting. Hidan had paid more attention to the blood splatter on his face while Ino grumbled about getting brains and half an eyebrow on her skirt before they went back to work. Sai came to announce that they’d captured a Kumo spy, so Hidan went to rip their fingernails off with pliers while Ino calmly spoke to them, trying to extract information about the Raikage’s whereabouts, all while giving them a good look at her cleavage.

Hidan had been staring at Ino’s leg for the last few minutes, thinking about the amount of sacrifices he had made to Jashin during the war. Was it eighty-five, or eighty-six sacrifices?

It was definitely eighty-six, said the little fucked up voice named Jashin in his head. Ino elbowed him in the ribs, so he stopped and pretended to pay attention to the long list of names of those who sacrificed their lives for the Fire, Wind, River and Steam countries to ensure peace in the world.

He left the shitty temple with its shitty wooden pews before the shitty people attempted to have an even shittier conversation with him. He was regarded as batshit insane compared to the rest of the folk in Konoha. He was the only person in the world who was pissed the war was over. Hidan was a soldier, not a civilian, and he was not interested in the sissy civilian life of working at a supermarket scanning tampons at eleven o’clock at night - something which might even happen if he continued to be broke and acted like he was talking to some crazy fucker in his head named Jashin all the time.

There was a military parade in the afternoon following the memorial service, showcasing the surviving Konoha, River and Suna soldiers doing the goose step. They looked strong and serious, chins up with rifles to their left side and headbands showing their alliances. Floats with papier mache animals moved their eyes forward and back, as people used rods to move the hands up and down as if they were waving. A marching band played in front of the parade. He recognised the song they were playing, Soldiers of The Old Home Guard, while the leaders of Konoha and Suna, the Hokage and the Kazekage, waved from their seats politely, opposite Hidan and the crowd of mostly women and children clapping and cheering. They didn’t even ask Hidan to participate as the only remaining Yugakure soldier left.

He could figure out why he hadn’t been invited to join in. The nickname Hidan of Hot Water stuck, because of his foul temper, and it was almost as though steam came out of his ears when he was shouting. Not to mention he was from a tourist resort, not a military state. Sometimes he wouldn’t have minded putting his bayonet into asshole Konoha soldiers who smirked when he muttered his prayers at nightfall by the glow of a matchstick (they’d taken his fucking candles) who said that their religion, The Will of Fire, was the correct and only religion that mattered. Hidan tried to argue that it wasn’t a religion, it was more of a tradition, but nobody cared.

Burnt out crates littered Konoha like strays, as nobody had got rid of them yet. Blackened buildings were a common sight. The smell of dirt permeated the air as people’s shoes scuffed up the dirt, making the ground look like brown fog. He could see the parade bringing in more floats of Mount Myoboku, the legendary One Tail and including one that was marked WILL OF FIRE with people handing out pamphlets.

Hidan took one anyway. Be Loyal To Your Country, it read. “Fucking patriotism at its worst,” he mumbled. “Ow!”

Inopig bit Hidan’s ankle and snarled at him. Well, as much of a snarl as a pig the size of a piggy bank could muster. A few people looked around in surprise.

Hidan snarled back - that pig fucking hated him, and he returned the feeling. “What do you want?” he snapped. Usually Inopig had a reason to be following him around, usually outside the interrogation room while he was having a break after slowly pushing pencils into people’s ears while they screamed in glorious agony. He spotted on Inopig’s collar a note shoved between the skin and the ugly jeweled band covering her fat neck.

“Don’t bite - for fucks sake - ow!” Hidan managed to get the note off Inopig before she pushed her snout into his hand to bite him a second time. Pulling himself onto a nearby bench so that Inopig wouldn’t try to attack him again, he read, in Ino’s neat handwriting, Hidan get your ass over here right now, someone’s been looking for you! on ornate Yamanaka Flowers Stationery.

He followed Inopig through the narrow rubble-covered streets of Konoha, ignoring the stares, currently from a mix of Suna and Konoha folk with banners and rifles. Konoha was slowly getting back on its feet after a more than a year of war against the neighbouring large countries. As Inopig and Hidan approached Yamanaka Flowers, he realised there were now little chairs outside with umbrellas over them, and the blackboard a-sign announced new stock: candles, keyrings, vegan treats, stationery sets in store now!

“Oi! Angel of the Morning. You sell candles and vegan shit now?” Hidan said loudly, entering Yamanaka Flowers. Ino didn’t look up, until he reached up where the top lock was on the door and dinged the bell loudly several times with his finger. Ding ding.

Ding.

Dingdingdingdingding-

“I can hear you, shut up,” Ino said, turning around and crossing her arms. Inopig trotted to her owner, who patted her on the head and gave the pig a treat. Inopig squealed in delight, then plonked down on the cushion she usually occupied in the shop corner. Her beady eyes remained on Hidan, who glowered back.

“Can’t you send a carrier pigeon next time, jeez? My poor ankle.” Hidan pulled up a camouflaged leg to show a dark red mark. He didn’t seem to have a spare change of clothes that weren’t the Yugakure military uniform.

“Hmm…” Ino put a finger to her lips and looked up at the ceiling. She spend a few seconds pretending to actually reconsider using a carrier pigeon instead of Inopig to send messages.

“Well?” asked Hidan impatiently.

She smiled. “No.”

Figures. Hidan pretended to look interested in the new stock shelf which had been decorated with plastic orchids.

“What do you want?” Hidan wasn’t even going to try and be nice. Ino knew Jashin came first, and she came a very, very distant second in Hidan’s life. “Is someone pissed at me again?”

“Someone asked me to hand this to you,” said Ino, tapping her finger at a piece of paper while she balanced flower stalks on those metal spike things so they held up on display - Hidan forgot what they were called. “It’s like a Jashin meeting, or something?”

He perked up at the word Jashin.

“Really?” He stalked over and swiped up the paper. It was on pale blue card, typed out neatly, informing that there was a Way of Jashin meeting tomorrow, at the local temple that had held the memorial service this morning. “There must be a Lord Jashin follower around here. Like for fuck’s sake, I thought I was the only one.” He pulled his hair back, cherishing the card as if it was his firstborn.

His heart - his cold dead heart - as Ino called it, felt happy, instead of moody and shitty since the war was over. Ino shrugged. She had no interest in Jashin, and she was up-front about it. One of her hobbies was intentionally pissing Hidan off about it for fun.

“You better go then, see what other freaks will be there who also like taking pleasure in the suffering of others.”

“I think I will,” Hidan put the blue card and put it in his back pocket, “Might find myself a hot Jashinist girl, and we can go sacrificing some lambs together.”

“How romantic,” Ino remarked, with more than a hint of sarcasm. She had finished putting the stalks on the spikes, and was placing them carefully in vases for the front shop window. Inopig had stretched her trotters out and was now snoring loudly.

“I better prepare,” said Hidan, and he waved as he walked out the shop. “See you, bitch.”

“Bye, dickhead.”

In retrospect, he really should have realised something was up, because Jashin followers were almost nonexistent. He knew of several, but they weren’t soldiers - they owned butcher shops, mostly, but spent their night sacrificing lambs in caves and carving the circle-triangle symbol into their chests while screaming in glorious Jashin-filled agony.

Hidan ignored the parade on the way back, which had almost finished up by the time he had crossed the main streets to get back to his hotel. Ino’s mother refused to let him stay in the Yamanaka apartment after Ino mentioned that her boyfriend was a Jashin follower and that they were also pretty mean to each other on purpose. The foreign soldiers were currently staying at the hotel. River and Suna soldiers were just about to get out a pack of cards to play in the lobby after their bit in the parade had finished. They whispered when he approached, gossiping about his exploits during the war.

“Eighty-three hits? Wow.”

“Yeah, but he’s mental. He’s always going on about his delusional God.”

“Jashinists are weird as fuck. Just ignore him.”

He turned around to the Suna moron who had been polishing his headband. “It’s eighty-six confirmed hits, dickhead.”

He then spent the next twenty-four hours studying his scripture, as if he didn’t know it off by heart already. But there was always something new to be found in it, and he had sent off for a copy of the old testamental version through mail order to be delivered to his hotel room. Inopig didn’t come back with any more messages from Ino, so he stayed in his room. He used an old maths compass needle to re-carve his Jashin symbol into his chest, and then two onto the underside of his feet, which represented the earth he would walk on and its sacrifices made for him. Walking through the pain - literally - made him feel closer to God.

At six o’clock the next day, he dodged the crowds of happy veterans all fattening themselves up with ramen and yakitori. He recognised a few faces, such as Sai, who also worked in Intelligence with them, and Shikamaru, an old friend of Ino’s. Sai had that horrible smile on his stupid face again and Shikamaru raised his eyebrow only a tiny bit in acknowledgement when Hidan strolled past.

Can’t believe there’s a fucking Jashin meeting in this temple.

The temple, with its Konoha flags falling down from the ceilings, and polished wooden pews and floor, was empty. The lights were on, but no Jashin symbols… no nothing.

Feeling a bit pissed off, Hidan turned from the room to leave. Then the door slammed, and he hit the floor.

Now he knew he wasn’t here for any Jashinist meeting.

Feeling groggy as fuck (the only way he could describe it) and feeling as if someone had dumped him in a pool of anaesthetic, Hidan woke. His first thought was that he had been gassed with Zyklon B. Eyes blurry, head hurting and feeling as if his brain was sloshing around in his skull, his retinas burned as he squinted up at the blurred figures in front of him. He realised they were calling his name. He tried to answer but stopped when he saw who they were. He didn’t recognise them, but he knew the colours.

Two men dressed in Konoha flak jackets were smiling down at him. One of them had a white lab coat over the dark green uniform. Hidan was tied down with rope, sitting propped up with his arms pulled out in front of him like a doll. He could see red pinpricks on them. He was reminded of the children’s game heads down, thumbs up, except this was a much, much more gruesome version of it.

They definitely weren’t here for a Lord Jashin meeting.

“Fuck off, what the hell?! Is this revenge for accidentally putting those Fire country cunts in the gas chamber?!” A pale man with long black hair smiled and his tongue flicked out. It was long. It was even forked like a snake. Gross.

“I knew he was going to be hard to handle,” said the man with the ponytail and glasses. “After all this time, he’s finally woken up.”

“I am Orochimaru. My subordinate is very sorry for gassing you,” said Snake Man, not sounding very sorry at all, but looking down at Hidan’s body with interest. “Kabuto, give me the syringe.”

“What are you fucking doing, fucking nerd?!” Fucking Nerd’s white laboratory coat made him look s if he was going to give a speech on body creams in some CGI skin rejuvenation clinic. A syringe full of red liquid was produced from somewhere, and Hidan couldn’t move. Orochimaru jabbed the syringe into a vein in his arm. The liquid was blinding hot. Almost like he had thrown his arm into a hot spring back home, but hey, he had a high pain tolerance.

“What the hell are you doing!?” Hidan decided on a more nicer and less-sweary approach find out why these two weirdos from Konoha had kidnapped him and tied him up, which was upsetting because it wasn’t Ino doing it, and also put drugs and shit into his system.

“Well, put it this way, I’m going activate a few genes. You are Hidan of Hot Water, the only living soldier from Steam Country.” said Kabuto. “And we have been watching… certain soldiers. During the war. Eighty-eight confirmed kills. Nice.”

“Eighty-six, godless moron.” Why can anyone get it right?

“Out of everyone in the war, you were probably the bravest - yet you didn’t even receive the Kage Cross. You threw yourself into bombs, catching grenades - it’s like you wanted to die.”

“But then I got transferred to torture so that shit stopped,” said Hidan. “Why are you interested in me?”

“What if I told you we are all in a Infinite Tsukuyomi?” Orochimaru suddenly said, putting a long finger on the skin where he had just injected the liquid. Hidan’s blood seeped slowly underneath his finger, and he kept it there instead of getting a cotton ball or whatever the hell creepy Orochimaru had in his creepy room. It was dark, only lit by several candles, so Hidan had no idea where they were.

“Infinite Fucking What?”

Orochimaru sighed.

“This world is an illusion, Hidan.”

Hidan shook his head, strands of silver-purple hair falling over his eyes. “I’m not stupid.”

“It is,” said Kabuto, aka The Fucking Nerd. “Originally, we were all ninjas.”

Hidan gawked. “You’re fucking kidding me.”

Orochimaru and Kabuto raised their eyebrows as Hidan laughed, “Ninjas? Like those old assassins with the swords that stabbed themselves in the stomach when they got sad and shit? Let me go, freaks. I have better things to do then become a meth head.”

“During the Fourth Shinobi War, we were all placed in an illusion. My subordinate and I have figured out how to regain our original powers, but not our memories. My test subjects can do things like walk on water, become water. They can make things explode with only a few hand signals, and even create clones of themselves. They can become stronger than anyone else just by lifting a finger.”

“That’s nice,” Hidan said, not paying attention to them, but rather, seeing if he could somehow get himself out of the ropes. “Let me go, Snake Man.”

“We are bringing your powers back,” said Orochimaru. “We’ve done a lot of work while you were unconscious. Have a good look at yourself.”

Kabuto produced a small mirror from his lab coat, and Hidan had to now “take a good look at himself.”

His hair had grown at least an inch, and his eyes were crazy bloodshot. But that wasn’t what he cared about. The Jashin symbol - the infamous triangle in a circle - which he re-carved religiously into his chest once a week so it would never, ever heal - was gone. It had been a part of him since he was a teenager, since he’d crushed those bird eggs as part of his first sacrifice. The symbol had grown bigger and deeper over the years.

“How long has it been?”

“We knocked you out for a month, while we administered what we needed,” said Orochimaru. “In your real life - that is, the one where the Infinite Tsukuyomi doesn’t exist - you were definitely a ninja, although we do not know what powers you possessed, except for your healing powers and ability to not die.”

That is the true way of Jashin, the voice suddenly said in Hidan’s head. He perked up. Immortality. He knew that at the end of his life he would have been granted a spot by Jashin’s throne, the Death God of the Underworld, who watched over hell.

Wait.

“A month!?” he suddenly squawked. Ino would definitely think I’ve gone off with the rest of the people from that fake Jashin meeting…

“However,” Orochimaru flashed a smile. “I’d like to keep you. Usually those whom I have dealt with work for me afterwards. I think you’d be better off working for me. I myself am not immortal. Although I have the powers from our real world, I do not have what you have. I’m a little jealous, Jashin-boy.”

At this, Hidan realised that it wasn’t quiet in the room. Kabuto and Orochimaru now turned away, writing down notes on their clipboards and mumbling medical jargon Hidan didn’t understand. They said words like hemoglobin and thrombosis and platelet while Hidan listened in silence.

In the distance, he heard the screams of other people. A few minutes later, Kabuto pulled him up by the ropes, and pushed him out the door.

The torturer now being tortured. Fucking great. Candles lit the hallway, which meant that wherever they were in the world electricity hadn’t been restored yet. They passed cells of people, many of them with various muted colours covering their skin. Every single one of them had a mutation - wings out of one shoulder, bones covering their faces - and each was as ugly as the next one. The smell of death lingered when Kabuto shoved him into a small cell with nobody else in it.

For the next few days, every hour, on the hour (they forgot to take away his watch, turns out) they would come in with a syringe, or beat the shit out of him.

“You forgot I get off on that stuff,” he said as they slapped him, cut his arm away and watched it regrow. It hurt, but there was a high threshold of pain Hidan could take, and now everything felt numb and different to what he normally felt like. Watching a baby hand come out of his normal arm was a truly bizarre experience.

One day, being sedated after punching a guard with shark teeth in the face (whose face turned to water), Orochimaru cut his head off.

#twelve bullets #hidan x ino #hidan #naruto fic #my fic

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tanzani-coil · 7 years

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gHANITH PLEASEEEE

yOU’RE THE BEST AAHHH OK

who hogs the duvettanith. you’ll find her in the morning with it wrapped around her, however when she wakes up she’ll always rearrange it so its draping over ghastly too and he’ll wake up for a few seconds to see it and he’ll smile and cuddle her and fall back to sleep again with them both under the covers

who texts/rings to check how their day is goingghASTLY. WITHOUT A DOUBT. i feel as though his average day is a bit less action packed than taniths, so he always has the time to check up on her - and if he doesnt have the time, he MAKES the time (you’ll find tipstaff grumbling about it somewhere)who’s the most creative when it comes to giftsi feel as though ghastly isn’t really into presents much, i mean being 400+ years old i can imagine coming up with presents got a bit old after the first century. and tanith i think on her jobs and journeys comes across like, not ‘gifts’ as such but little knick knacks and thingymabobs that she’ll know ghastly would just LOVE who gets up first in the morningghastly I think has settled into an (unhealthy) routine of going to bed at silly o’clock in the morning after really getting into something he was sewing, but then waking up quite early to start another working day. tanith usually stays up with him, sitting in the back room of his shop with him, both listening to ghastly’s blues playlist while he works, and then both of them going up to bed together at the same time. you wont see her out of bed any time before 9am, though (ghastly always makes her tea in the morning, regardless of whether shes likely to fall back to sleep again and never drink it)who suggests new things in bedyou’d think tanith, being the younger, more experienced one would be bringing new things into the bedroom but my god ghastlys has way more kinks than given credit for and taniths not complaining eitherwho cries at moviesman………… i feel like generally tanith does and as much as she’ll try to hide it ghastly always knowswho gives unprompted massagesTANITH. she’ll come in to the back room of the shop from the kitchen, cup of tea in hand for ghastly, she’ll look at what he’s working on and smile, see that he’s clearly been hunched over it for hours and massage his shoulder muscles. completely unasked for, but ghastly appreciates it all the same. she’ll always peck him on the cheek before leaving toowho fusses over the other when they’re sickghASTLY IS SO OVER TANITH’S HERO COMPLEX. HE DOESNT CARE HOW LONG AND FIERCELY SHE DEFENDS THAT SHE ISNT SICK. HE’LL STILL WRAP HER UP IN BLANKETS AND GIVE HER TEA WITH HONEY IN IT AND MEDICINE AND “STOP BLOODY MOTHERING ME” DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO STOP IT. who gets jealous easiestaight, so like…. i’m gonna struggle to word this but bear with me. (also im really sorry) so like, in mortal coil when erskine is flirting with tanith we clearly see that ghastly got kinda down about it, but i dont think its jealousy?? its more of, whenever someone whos just that much better looking and that much better at everything than ghastly is comes along, ghastly sort of sinks into an instantly hopeless, acceptance and almost numb state and he just sort of gives up at whatever hes talking about, whatever hes doing. because thats just what hes been conditioned to do. 400+ years of constant rejection ALL THE TIME?? hes just learnt that the second someone better comes along, whatever chance he had is gone. the conversation he was having with someone is instantly cut short, and ghastly just doesnt exist anymore. completely invisible. every. time. so i think that rather than getting jealous about it he’s learnt to give up, and i think that it took tanith years to uncondition that response out of him because she’ll never, ever cut him off for someone else, and she’s sure as hell not going anywhere, so?? and everyone can see the transformation too. aight sorry i went on a tangent there but my point is, ghastly doesnt get jealous. tANITH. HOWEVER. MY GOD. when tanith gets jealous she doesnt just get jealous she gets jEALOUS. it takes tanith every ounce of will power not to get snappy defensive and the so, so unnecessary staring-downs. valkyrie never lets it slide and always finds it really, really funny (especially because its so bloody obvious that the jealousy is completely irrational because this is ghastly we’re on about)who has the most embarrassing taste in musicghastly has quite a solid, sensible mature playlist for when hes working or relaxing but tanith is like………….. look its tanith ok who collects something unusualtanith collects thingymabobs from where ever she’s at, but… she sort of leaves them all around the house. the conversations at this point aren’t even questionable anymore. “ghastly don’t suppose you’ve seen my demon-baby tooth anywhere?” “top shelf on the right, next to your brain muncher book.” “aight thanks.”who takes the longest to get readytanith, being brought up as a hidden blade, can be fully awake and ready to kill someone within 0.5 seconds of waking up. she can pull a tank top on, slip on trousers and boots and ready to go within two minutes. ghastly? god no getting ready is no joke he didnt make his own clothes only to look like an uninformed peasant with them on, no. he doesnt joke around when getting ready plzwho is the most tidy and organisedghastly. every bit of thread and fabric is organised by type and then category and then colour and then and then. he’s often found himself glancing up from whatever hes looking at to find tanith gazing at the walls of his shop, almost lost in the fabric - not that he’ll ever tell tanith thatwho gets most excited about the holidaystanith doesnt get batshit crazy but she’s gotten ghastly into celebrating christmas at least a tiny bit, even if it means just taking him out to a bar and taking shots its still fun y’know? better she figures than staying in and working.who is the big spoon/little spoonghastly is absolutely the big spoon, always wrapping his strong arms around tanith, keeping her warm. he tends to tuck his head into the crook of her neck, too. tanith doesnt even try to hide how much she loves itwho gets most competitive when playing games and/or sportstanith which i feel is p obvious we all know how she is when fighting. she has a secret love for board games and WILL NOT. LET. ANYONE. LEAVE WITHOUT FINISHING MONOPOLY. GODDAMN YOU’RE NOT HERE TO BE WEAK AND LEAVE HALF WAY THROUGH OK SHE’S HERE TO RIDE OUT THAT GAME TILL THE VERY ENDwho starts the most arguments….. um. oh man, ok. so like??? look tanith doesnt like authority and ghastly is stubborn as hell and arguments like… idk how to word it, i guess tanith can let an edge creep into her voice when she brings up the fact he is/was an elder and ghastly notices it every time and things get a bit tense and uncomfortable for a while but they let it go every time. i saw a post on here about how ghanith hardly argue and i 100% agree w that tbhwho suggests that they buy a petit was all valkyries fault. bringing back that gigantic german shepherd from america got tanith talking and now she wants a pet because shes fallen in love with this dog and she wants a pet but?? dogs are a lot of work and ghastly and tanith just dont have the lifestyle to take care of one, both of them being busy and flexible in when and how they work. thats when tanith sorta realises that a CAT, HOWEVER, (bECAUSE I’VE SEEN THAT POST SOMEONE DID ABOUT GHASTLY HAVING CATS AND!!!!!!!!!!! 10000% AGREE) would still be a pet of their own but independent enough to be ok with being on their own for periods of time and the cat will find its way into ghastlys work room and surprise him by either rubbing itself against his legs or actually jumping up onto his work space and then climb onto his hunched shoulders while he works. he grumbles about it and complains that theres cat hair everywhere but he wouldnt change it for the world. whenever tanith walks in the cat always greets her and she loves it.what couple traditions they havesteak is Their Thing™. ‘nuff said.what tv shows they watch togetherghastly kept going on about this tv show which tackles everything hes passionate about and it pin points exactly what goes on in work spaces which is pretty much fucking around 90% of the time and he has all of its seasons recorded on his tv recorder which he still hasnt gotten round to watching it all and finally tanith is curious enough to see what this amazing show really is like and she ended up falling in love with brooklyn nine nine really, really fast. and rosa diaz. big crush on rosa diaz from tanith.what other couple they hang out withvaldug naturallyhow they spend time together as a couplesee what I adore about their relationship is that it was p much built on the two of them just being so, so ridiculously comfortable in each others company and talking to each other for hours on end and just sort of being there for each other, and i think that (besides from hardcore sexy times obviously) they love to spend time doing their own things with /each other/. tanith’s found herself getting passionate about ghastlys work because she loves being with him while he does so, with him talking to her about his mother and the war and anything and everything.who made the first movetANITH W THE STEAK im gonna cry brbwho brings flowers homeghastly is a romantic shit but he’s never really had room for flowers amongst all of his delicate fabrics at home, but tanith will always find some from somewhere, even if they are just pretty weeds she picked from the field down the road, and take them home to put into a jug of water to sit on the kitchen window sill. who is the best cookghastly. tHE most domestic to ever domestic. he can cook and he can cook good. tanith can settle for pot noodles but shes thankful for his cooking nonetheless

TL;DR: i really, really need to get out more

#LONG POST IS LONG #ghanith #ghastly bespoke #tanith low #ask #sp

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snowenby · 7 years

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All of the numbers. 1-150

i just want you to know that you suck and i sorry for anyones dash

Who was the last person you held hands with? hmm i think it was actually my friend while drunk

2. Are you outgoing or shy? kinda in between depends on the day3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? idk a spirit4. Are you easy to get along with? oh hell yeah idk why i hate people 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? i like to think she would but im a pretty good drunk so its been a while since ive been drunk to the point of need a caretaker6. What kind of people are you attracted to? im really attracted to like a lot of the girls that i post on my blog, so kinda that witchy aesthetic 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? i honestly have no clue i have some major issues i need to deal with mentally then ill know8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? all of my friends i worry about all of them ALL of the time 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? not at all10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? my friend liz when we got drunk11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? ohh i haven't watched that or dancing with the stars12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Halsey- colors,gasoline, castle, control. basically all of badlands album 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? omg yes its like bliss14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? hmm yes and i have the worst luck15. What good thing happened this summer? hahahahah its been shit and it hasnt even started yet16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? totes17. Do you think there is life on other planets? oh hell yes the truth is out there. i cant wait till we find it 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? NO19. Do you like bubble baths? yup dont judge me just buy me bath bombs and a bigger tub (6′2 dont fit in most tubs)20. Do you like your neighbors? yeah the dude is chill21. What are you bad habits? over thinking everything22. Where would you like to travel? to the place after death23. Do you have trust issues? at times yes24. Favorite part of your daily routine? the part with food25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my belly26. What do you do when you wake up? cry a litttle27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? lighter28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friend velo29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? no but i regret breaking up with one30. Do you ever want to get married? yes 2 kids31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? no32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? mila kunis and bella thorne33. Spell your name with your chin.sxmnkows34. Do you play sports? What sports? i snowboard and watch the x games35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yes thats how i live life37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing i just stay quiet38. Describe your dream girl/guy? someone in love with me 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? ebay40. What do you want to do after high school? not what im doing now41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?yes42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? that im doing okay43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? space45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? a paycheck sometimes46. What are you paranoid about? life and my guardian spirit trying to kill me47. Have you ever been high? yes shrooms are amaze48. Have you ever been drunk? almost every night this week49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? grey51. Ever wished you were someone else? all the time52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my entire life53. Favourite makeup brand? elf54. Favourite store? rei55. Favourite blog? @shroomswithbows56. Favourite colour? none57. Favourite food? all58. Last thing you ate? nachos59. First thing you ate this morning? nachos60. Ever won a competition? For what? muddy boot wine at my endfest 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? suspended for phone use62. Been arrested? For what? nope63. Ever been in love? yes64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? i dont even remember it65. Are you hungry right now? no stomach hurts66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? most are my real friends67. Facebook or Twitter? fb68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? yes70. Names of your bestfriends? liz davante velo chris sam71. Craving something? What? a decent life 72. What colour are your towels?all different72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 473. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? does my pillow pet count?74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 4?75. Favourite animal? drago n or wolf76. What colour is your underwear?black77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour? idk79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black80. What colour pants? red81. Favourite tv show? idk82. Favourite movie? into the woods83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? 184. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 jump street85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? idk86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? shark87. First person you talked to today? liz88. Last person you talked to today? kayla89. Name a person you hate? kyle90. Name a person you love? lets not91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? can i punch companies92. In a fight with someone? no?93. How many sweatpants do you have? like 594. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?4?95. Last movie you watched? the host96. Favourite actress?none97. Favourite actor?none98. Do you tan a lot? no99. Have any pets?doggo100. How are you feeling?depressed stressed like im losing a grip on whats a dream or not like im batshit101. Do you type fast?idk 102. Do you regret anything from your past? leaving alize103. Can you spell well? decent enough104. Do you miss anyone from your past? alize105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yeah for beltane106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yes107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes108. What should you be doing? fixing my car109. Is something irritating you right now? life110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes111. Do you have trust issues? already asked this112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? davante and sam when i was high113. What was your childhood nickname? snow114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes went to oregon last week115. Do you play the Wii? no116. Are you listening to music right now? i was117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? no im allergic to chicken118. Do you like Chinese food? yes119. Favourite book? artemis fowl series120. Are you afraid of the dark? only when high121. Are you mean? i an be122. Is cheating ever okay? no123. Can you keep white shoes clean? sometimes124. Do you believe in love at first sight? yes125. Do you believe in true love? yes126. Are you currently bored? yes127. What makes you happy? drinking128. Would you change your name? yes james snow or just snow129. What your zodiac sign? gemicancer cusp baby130. Do you like subway? yes131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? lets do this132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? already asked this133. Favourite lyrics right now? are you insane like me134. Can you count to one million? no cus im lazy135. Dumbest lie you ever told? haha probably all of them136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? depends137. How tall are you? 6′2138. Curly or Straight hair? both139. Brunette or Blonde? both140. Summer or Winter? winter141. Night or Day? night142. Favourite month? december143. Are you a vegetarian? sometimes144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? milk145. Tea or Coffee?tea146. Was today a good day?i guess147. Mars or Snickers? snickers148. What’s your favourite quote? run-the doctor149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? section of metal lines are routed along the fuel tank

#i kinda hate you #asks #me #Anonymous

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kinetic-elaboration · 7 years

Text

April 27: Thoughts on 4x09 DNR

[spoiler alert: I didn’t like it and most of what follows is me ripping it to shreds]

Okay, just finished watching 4x09 DNR. And I’ve basically come to the conclusion that I cannot be pleased by this show anymore. I’m sorry, but S4 had a good start that has now devolved into…I’m not going to say worse than or on the level of season 3 but basically into one big nonsense mess. That’s what this episode was, imo, a big old mess.

One thing—and I am being completely literal, this is the ONLY thing I liked in this episode—Miller/Jackson is going to happen and I am on board. I love Miller/Bryan and I always will, and in a way I’m bummed because I’m pretty sure this spells the end of Briller but I can’t be upset because I started writing a Miller/Jackson piece weeks ago and I thought it was a crackship and now I’m like well wow Jackson is definitely queer and he and Miller are gonna hook up it’s completely inevitable COMPLETELY. (If this were an m/f couple I’d say it was out of nowhere and random I admit that but the rules are different for minor character same-sex couples and anyway this was just the initial seed being planted, we’ll see how it goes but so far I’m all in.)

Now for how much I think everything else sucked:

Clarke and Polis

What to say besides I thought this was boring and stupid? First of all, war is boring. War has always been kinda boring but at least in season 1 it was new. But it’s been so fucking constant in every single season and I just cannot care. I have far surpassed the outer limits of fucks I give about martial story lines of any sort. I am not one of those people who has whole shelves of books about WWII in my library okay (and, frankly—are most of the people watching this show that sort of person? I would guess not but what do I know about the cw core audience?). And war story lines are even more dumb now when, much as I disagree with her a lot, you have Clarke there literally spelling it out in great big shiny colorful letters for everyone to see that the radiation is coming in less than a week dumbnuts, put aside the squabbling for like five seconds for the love of all things!!!!!!! I mean she’s not wrong. At one point I just thought, hey, how about everyone who thinks war is a good idea just goes out and fucking slaughters each other—try to get it done in like 2-3 days please, tops—and then everyone who’s smart enough to not want to slaughter each other can live in the bunker. Win-win.

Speaking of Clarke, though, I’ve said it before that I have a supremely complicated relationship with her character but she is at Peak Insufferable Levels when she gets all up her own ass about how she’s the only one to be able to solve everyone’s problems. This was something Lxa cultivated in her—not that I blame L entirely because I think we see the seeds in S1, I mean there was something to cultivate in the first place—and she’s gotten a bit better over S3-S4 but every now and then that side of her that once said “you’re the Chancellor but I’m in charge,” to her own mother, at the ripe old age of barely-18, rears its ugly face and this was one of those episodes. I get that smart-girl frustration of seeing everyone else being So Fucking Dumb and just wanting to knock some heads together until the sense floats up to the top but still the outstanding hubris of her wanting to become the Commander I mean !!!!!!!!!!!!! Which she like apparently off-screen convinced Gaia to go along with because it was only Roan that stopped the whole thing? Oh Roan. You’re often quite boring and your voice annoys me but every now and then you have your moments.

I will say, I did like the way Abby said “WITH SCIENCE!” though.

I wouldn’t say the fight to the death is the worst idea anyone’s ever had but four complaints:

1. The radiation is coming in literally 6 days MUST WE WASTE TIME WITH THIS SHIT?

2. Obviously there are counter-arguments to this and I’m necessarily biased but imo Arkadians researched the bunker (Jaha), found the bunker (Jaha et. al.), and figured out how to open the bunker (Monty) so, like—shouldn’t they automatically get some of the spots? They can’t possibly have many people left after the multiple massacres their original 2k population has taken over the last year or so--the clans can have their 12-way brawl for the rest of the space after Arkadia has taken what’s already theirs.

3. Next episode is going to be so boring I already want to weep,

4. Is this the fucking Hunger Games now? Just like I didn’t sing up to watch Game of Thrones, I didn’t sing up for the Hunger Games either. JFC

Raven, Murphy, and Emori

I liked Murphy and Emori both in this episode. I thought Murphy had some good lines and there was a lot to like in his last scene with Raven. And I liked that Emori’s story in this ep was about learning to trust the Sky People. That was a nice little narrative flourish.

But the rest…I don’t know. I just don’t know. I liked how Raven’s story line was thematically consistent with the DNR kids’ story line, how she is, in fact, another person who is literally saying Do Not Resuscitate, except that her case is more…it’s closer to how these issues really play out in real life because she is, personally, because of something in her actual physical body, not outside of herself, going to die, and now she’s preparing to do it on her own terms. I mean it was a little on the nose but they earned that because they’ve been building this Raven story for a while.

I couldn’t really get into it, though. I can’t explain why I couldn’t. Maybe it’s that Becca’s lab has been so off-putting to me this entire season. Maybe it’s because I have such a deep hatred of all of this going into space bullshit even if I’m a little more open to the possibility of just blasting off the rocket the one time for a suicide mission. (It’s a little less totally-out-of-left-field-versus-previous-seasons utterly-batshit-implausible and more along the lines of within-suspendable-disbelief ranges.) Maybe it’s just bad luck on my part that it’s not resonating with me even though there’s nothing wrong with it. I want to like the concept of a fucked up code getting into someone’s brain and setting up a home there and messing with them, but something that I can’t pinpoint in the execution is just off for me, like a barrier between something I feel I would enjoy and my actual enjoyment.

DNR

THE DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE CENTURY. Heavens me this was the MOST SHALLOW TREATMENT OF SOMETHING I’M INTERESTED IN THAT I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS. I demand my fucking money back. (IDK what money in particular...my internet bill I guess? My law school tuition? The monetary equivalent of all the time I’ve spent thinking about The 100 or at least this story line? Something.) I probably put more effort into my rambly Jasper meta than they writers did in writing this episode or possibly this entire arc. If I ever need evidence for my contention that this show is shallow af and the PTB don’t know how to write philosophical or even meaningful discussions lasting more than a dozen lines, I’m going to point to this episode.

First, it bothered me that no one thought to ask themselves or each other: hey, why do we want to take these people with us? Like hear me out because maybe it is or should be obvious, but I think this is the time to ask that question. Why do we want to force people to live? Because we do, we force people to live all the time. You can be very simple about it and just say “because all life is good and all death is bad and suicide in particular is bad and our moral obligation as people/the state’s moral obligation as the guardian of the people is to ensure that everyone stays alive even against their own will absolutely no matter what.” I mean that’s a legit position, even if I think it’s a bit simplistic.

You could say that you want them to live because it’s all hands on deck to keep humanity itself alive—which is the argument Jaha hints at initially in his conversation with Jasper, and exactly the type of argument the DNR group could most easily and most fairly reject. I’m always 10000000% on board for discussion of the Ark or comparisons of the current situation to the Ark but we get only a tiny itty bitty hint at this, instead of a long discussion. (TALKING’S BORING RIGHT WHERE ARE THE SWORDS.) (I’m sorry to anyone who actually reads this; I just can’t contain my bitterness.)

You could say that a desire to kill oneself is generally a symptom, not a disease, and a general, moral, human compassion obligates us to interrogate that suicidal urge when we see it in others, and would especially so obligate us if we saw that urge in a large group of people such as the DNR group. Which is pretty much my position but if that’s the position anyone on the outside of the door were taking they’d probably not want to solve the problem by blowing up the door and taking everyone prisoner so.

That Jasper is literally using the phrase DNR—which generally applies when the person in question can only be saved by some kind of extreme and immediate measure—should have prompted some sort of discussion. Another term for DNR is “allow natural death.” To use that phrase is, first, to say that the bunker is a life-saving measure akin to CPR, something that you do at the last moment to stave off what would otherwise be your (natural) time to die; second, it is to say that Jasper and his followers view the bunker as, in some sense, unnatural (not a way to live, as Jasper puts it); and third, it is to say that they consider themselves right on the verge of death--as in, this is an emergency situation. I just…I’m so frustrated that they used that phrase, they made it the title of the episode, they put it forefront in the trailer, and then it’s like…never dealt with!!!!! There’s so much material there!!!! Whoops sorry guess we gotta budget in about ½ the running time for fight scenes and talk of war lol. Wherever are my priorities???

All we really got was a knee-jerk “life is good, survival is good, you kids are bad” from Jaha and friends.

Second—it only gets worse from there because then, as soon as Bellamy says, “Hey, um, maybe it’s kinda understandable what they’re doing??” everyone just throws up their hands and goes “Hey, you’re right. I guess we’ll just let them die.” Like what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There aren’t enough exclamation marks in the fucking universe. I’m sorry but that’s literally just straight up immoral. THESE CHILDREN ARE SUICIDAL. Does that not fucking bother you, any of you??? I’m disgusted. I’m even more disgusted that the narrative seemed to stand with the death squad, like it allowed only the rational arguments to stand without interrogating at all the bitter pain beneath them.

Third, and this is a smaller point but… Bellamy’s the male lead, and he was definitely flirting with Jasper’s philosophy a mere episode ago. Now he’s all back on the survival train. Just like that. I know we don’t have time to go deep into everyone’s head here but Bellamy’s in such an interesting place—I think he’s one of the few people who is really, honestly torn between Team Survival and Team Fuck It—and not only is he a character with a unique vantage point but there is literally only one character even arguably more important than him so if we’re going to give a few extra minutes to ANYONE shouldn’t it be him? Does he not deserve that? He got like 2 lines and 3 minutes of screen time this week and that was pathetic.

Also—not be shallow—but—I’m gonna indulge in a bit of supremely bitter ranting here. As I’ve said repeatedly, I hate (TRULY TRULY HATE) Monty/Harper. So the fact that 80% of Monty’s story was about Harper and maybe 20% if I’m super generous, was about Jasper pisses me off. Monty being all “Harper you’re the only thing more beautiful than the hydroponic farms” made me want to vomit. Monty’s “I love you” made me literally scream NO YOU DON’T YOU CHILD at the screen. Look, I’ve started a relationship with a random hook up in real life, and it’s a sham, I can speak from deeply personal experience, this relationship is a sham. And that Monty’s emotion is all being shoved into this Random Het Nonsense with the minorest of minor delinquents who has pretty much no personality and has only had the screen time she’s had this season because she had the good luck to be shoved into a ““““““romance”””””” with a main while actual main character since the fucking pilot Jasper has been shafted at LITERALLY EVERY TURN is just SO MADDENING I MIGHT LITERALLY SCREAM. (Yes I consider Harper and Jasper to be zero sum. It’s one or the other for screen time and Monty’s heart and I know where my allegiances lie.)

I don’t feel much of anything about Monty staying behind. Like… I probably should, but by that point in the story I was just exhausted with disappointment and counting down the minutes until it was over. On the one hand, what other choice did he really have, narratively? Like he wasn’t going to leave the most important people in his life behind. But then on the other hand, I can’t help but think it was sort of dumb of him. This is just about as high stakes as it gets. And he’s going to die for what, like, to make a point? To be nice? Hmmmm, suspicious. Further, and to go along with my rant above, I was pretty pissed off that all of his emotion in his last scene was reserved for Harper and he and Jasper just got a bro moment LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. I guess on the upside, if Miller/Bryan is any indication, we’re probably supposed to take from that that they’re in love (get it? Because Miller and Bryan bro-hugged in S3? I’m still not over that btw).

Finally, and more seriously… I don’t believe that Monty has really engaged with his friends’ arguments. Am I supposed to think he somehow did off screen and that’s why he’s there? I think not, first because Monty is SO HARDCORE on Team Survival that that would be a massive mental undertaking and one we should really see at least part of on screen, and second, and more importantly, because he literally says he’s just there to help them out when they change their minds, lol. He’s loyal but he hasn’t learned anything.

I did like the Bellamy/Jasper hug. I was waiting for it, I was literally saying “hug him, hug him, Jasper loves hugs, he’ll love this so much” the entire time they were talking. And then they did hug and Jasper DID obviously love it so much and it was sweet. Unrequited Bellamy/Jasper hero-worship-crush (head) canon (further) confirmed.

A few other little things I did like: the call back to Mt. Weather (especially because it came in the form of Monty pointing out that Jasper’s good at this barricading himself in shit, but also because it invited the viewer to remember the Mt. Weather situation and maybe do what I’m not doing right now and dig deeper into the comparison); the shot of Wells in the door that Jaha sees. Both of these things were examples of this show’s occasional ability to be Deep but tbh these moments of depth are always just moments and the general shallowness of everything surrounding them almost makes me think they just luck into these gems.

Octavia

Oh yeah and Octavia was in this too. Almost forgot. I still don’t buy her and Ilian for a hot second. I did have a literal second of thinking Ilian COULD have been interesting, but heavy emphasis on could: if he’d been introduced as a farmer and we got some good farm-society world-building, it would have been nice as something actually different in Grounder society for once. But…first Ilian was too boring at the beginning and between that, and the completely unforgivable burning of Arkadia, I’m never going to like him. And second, he’s apparently a warrior too, quelle surprise, so I guess that “oh look something different” thing I was talking about is actually a no-go.

Similarly, I’d like to see Octavia try out a farmer identity. But for more than two scenes lol. She could have been interesting. She could have had an interesting arc. But it’s all just too little too late for me at this point. They clearly don’t know what to do with her. TBH if we’re going to continue insisting that main/important characters need to die to give the story weight (lol this story’s problems are way bigger than “not enough deaths” I mean…. That’s so ludicrous I can’t even find the words)…maybe it’s her time to go. Just a suggestion.

#the 100 #the 100 spoilers #s4 reactions #s4 negativity #the year 2017 #2017: fandom thoughts #2017: the 100 s4

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