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leviaana · 10 months

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Miraculous Movie Review (Rating: 4/10)

I watched the preview of the Awakening movie yesterday and really want to share my honest review. There’s going to be several things that I’ll criticize. So be warned!

Also: Spoilers!! DON’T read it if you haven’t seen it yet. This is my personal opinion. So please stay excited for it!! 🐞🪄

First of all, my overall rating for this movie is a 4/10. Just yesterday I was ready to give it a 5/10, but quickly noticed it had much more things that upset me than I initially realized when walking out of the movie.

I know it’s a pretty low rating coming from such a huge fan like myself, but that’s probably the main issue. I’m a big fan of the show, so changes in lore and characterization will be more apparent to me. For better or for worse, in this case, mostly for worse.

On the first glimpse the movie seems like a retelling - a soft reboot, if you will - of show’s origin story. The plot goes much further than that however, as it also provides a conclusion in form of a final battle with Hawkmoth as well as an identity reveal of our two main heroes.

In order to ensure the entire premise fits into a 90 minute movie, a lot of things regarding the shows lore were simplified. I say that as a neutral statement seeing as a simplification can be either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your opinion of the source material.

Personally, it left me rather unsatisfied but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start with the good things!

One of the things I really enjoyed was the animation! Seeing miraculous with such a high production value certainly felt like a cool summer breeze. While I do prefer the original character models style wise, it was still just nice to see them in this cutesie pretty style! The locals were gagging!

Ladybug and Cat Noir were especially gorgeous!

I also really enjoyed the singing. I watched the German dub and it was very neat!

Sad to say that was pretty much how long my enjoyment lasted. Everything apart from what I’ve mentioned above was… interestingly handled… to say the least. Let me elaborate.

1. The dialogue was awful!

Truly not the biggest fan of musicals but I couldn’t wait for them to start singing just in order for them to STOP TALKING 😩!

The dialogue was so awkward and stiff. All of the characters were interacting very weirdly with each other. At times it would sound like several lines of dialogue were cut from the final version, as the characters barely acknowledged each other verbally. They didn’t talk with each other, but past each other.

Moreover, every second phrase was a very cheesy one liner. “Believe in yourself.”, “Listen to your heart.”, “stronger together”. Super overdone.

The movie wanted to be inspirational so bad, it forgot to be genuine.

Some examples that I recall from memory:

“Mom, I don’t have any friends and I’m scared to go I school.”

“Just believe in yourself, Marinette.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Or.

“Tikki, I’m in love with Adrien.”

“Listen to your heart, Marinette.”

“My heart……Adrien.”

2. How did they manage to make Ladynoir banter … weird and uncomfortable to watch?

Don’t let these pretty movie shots fool you because Movie!ladynoir spent their time in a constant roasting competition that they were somehow both losing!

Not once did they manage to establish that flirty and charming atmosphere around them. No, they were draaaagging each other through filth. And maybe it could have been somewhat fun, god knows I love couples that can roast each other. If only the dialogue was better and didn’t reek of “we have no idea how young people interact”.

In a desperate attempt to make jokes, they let Chat call LB a sidekick or watermelon in every. single. scene. To say that it got annoying when the jokes didn’t land the first 10 times they were made is an understatement. No Milady, no Bugginette, no little wink or a kiss on the hand. Only watermelon and sidekick. Them talking in weird cut off phrases. With careless whisper playing in the background.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some beautiful moments. But their beauty can only ever do so much when met with weird pacing, dialogue and characterization. I’ll talk about that last part in a minute.

3. Everything was so on-the-nose.

The characters would constantly say how they feel and what they think aloud. Jeremy didn’t trust us with even an ounce of media literacy. Classic case of always telling, never showing. Not to mention the constant inspirational quoting in a desperate attempt to convey some deep message. Is this a movie script or my moms facebook page? I guess we‘ll never know.

4. Characterization: Marinette

Having Marinette be somewhat scatterbrained but overall still respected by her peers is not inspirational enough! Make her your average teenage outcast and a total loser. Dad, you’re embarrassing me in front of the cool kids!

If you enjoy that kind of characterization that’s okay! Personally, I thought it was very cliche. It just.. didn’t do anything for her as a character. Having her start off at a much „lower” point in life, with almost no support system, only makes her coming of age journey to eventually become a self accepting confident heroine take longer. Seeing as the movie is only 90 minutes, the moment we see her “shine” is when it’s all almost over.

5. Ladybug …?

Did I mention Ladybug doesn’t use her lucky charm? Not. once. No crazy plans to show that she’s smart and creative. Just a pretty girl swinging around.

6. Adrien

I have a bit more to criticize about the characterization of Movie!Adrien.

The longer I think about it, the more it becomes apparent that they really didn’t know how to write Adrien. His personality appears inconsistent, almost like they were trying to fit him in too many roles at once. He is either extremely closed off and mysterious (even towards his friends), a comic relief character, bathing in self pity or just outright cocky. Those hoping to see his politeness and selflessness will be disappointed. This character only is ever shown to be self centered. A perfect example is how he *didn’t do anything* to be called worthy of the Black Cat Miraculous. He was just one of the „chosen ones“. When the Adrien from the series sacrificed his own freedom to help Master Fu.

Another example is how this Adrien doesn’t really see anything in Marinette. He called her strange in their first interaction and never really lost a single thought on her throughout the rest of the series. No common praises, no support, just awkwardness and not the wholesome kind. In fact, I would argue Marinette and Adrien aren’t even friends in the movie, the only interaction to suggest otherwise was slammed as a 5 second scene in a 2 minute montage.

Even if you were to suggest their bond was formed off screen. We don’t really see it ever take root. He even turned down her gift and invitation to go to the ball with her. Yes, you guessed correctly. It was because he was busy bathing in self pity over being rejected by Ladybug. Yikes.

To sum it up, this Adrien really doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Ever. They massacred my boy.

7. Chat Noir

His charming smugness as Chat Noir crossed the fine line that turned to arrogance.

Considering how Adrien was characterized, that comes as no surprise.

As mentioned in my criticism towards the dialogue and the Ladynoir dynamic, this Cat is often seen discrediting LB with unfunny jokes. The moment you see him actually appreciate Ladybug, open up to her and Woo her, it’s all overshadowed by his entitlement to her affection.

Some may argue that we see traces of such attitude in the show as well. However, in a series, Chat Noir has many redeeming qualities as well as time to grow, change and move past these flaws. And boy, move past these flaws he did. In the movie, it’s all you get. Take it or leave it.

In one scene, he even lets her think he was hurt by an Akuma in order to catch her worrying about him. It was just a short scene and most people would look past it, but I think it’s these small details that really show how these movie characters tick in comparison to the series.

8. Akumas/Hawkmoth

Just a small detail that kind of ended up taking away the enjoyment of all action scenes is how the Akumas in the movie do not have a motive. There’s just some random people that you don’t care about before their akumatization and that you won’t care about after.

Hawkmoth doesn’t make a deal with them, ask for ladybug and chat noirs miraculous in exchange for his powers, none of that.

He just makes them evil and they do evil things for shits and giggles. The movies premise doesn’t even suggest he needs the miraculous. He just needs to get close enough to Ladybug and Chat Noir to steal Tikki and Plagg.

9. The Ending

I just wanted to dip into that ending real quick. In the movie, Gabriel is redeemed when he finds out about Chat Noir being Adrien. He apologizes to him and they make up. The scene surely will make people emotional, but from my perspective it was all rather predictable.

Whether or not Gabe was worthy of a redemption in the movie is a topic to discuss on its own. Personally, I was okay with it.

What I found more interesting however was…

10. The reveal

This is the moment most people have been waiting and yearning for. And I may sound a bit smug when I say that the movie served a good purpose to show us that a fast reveal would have never ever been satisfying!

It was super underwhelming because - of course it was!

Marinette and Adrien barely had a connection! For all we know they could have been total strangers and their reaction to each other’s identity wouldn’t have been any different than what we saw in the movie.

We never saw Marichat or Ladrien interact either. So that certainly lead to a less explored dynamics. Cue unsatisfying reveal.

They really tried to make it this big emotional final moment, but really? We just saw Ladybug and Chat Noir lean in for a kiss without their masks. Like in a new fit. Nothing really groundbreaking came out of it.

Any fake reveal in the show was better than that and I mean it with every fiber of my being.

And don’t even get me started on how Adrien only ever noticed Marinette when she revealed to be Ladybug. It’s just not it.

Final thoughts.

There’s sooo many more things that I could elaborate on but I think for now I’ve said enough to support my rather poor rating of the movie.

In my opinion, the movie relies too much on people enjoying the source material while trying to be its own thing. It risks leaving everyone unsatisfied.

Those who watch the movie as a stand-alone are met with weird dialogue as well as plot, characters and dynamics that aren’t at all fleshed out.

Meanwhile those who watch the movie because they like the show will be inevitably comparing the movie to its far superior source material.

#miraculous ladybug #ml #miraculous #ladybug #adrien agreste #chat noir #cat noir #marinette dupain cheng #miraculous the movie #awakening #mlb awakening #mlb movie #ladybug and cat noir the movie

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wellfine · 1 year

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HII I love your art so much it's so expressive and it feels like theres so much movement in it! I was wondering if u had any tips or advice to help with that? I practice anatomy and expression so much but it seems like everything I draw on my own is so stiff!! Anyway I hope you have a great week :)) <3

Hi there! Firstly, thank you so much for the kind words, it means a lot that you would take the time to tell me!

Second- my advice is to take everything you've learned about anatomy and THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW!!!!!!!

... For now. Just into the front yard so you can keep an eye on it. But I have seen many artists concentrate chiefly on studying anatomy only to feel like their art ends up too stiff. My own experience has been to treat anatomy as a tool best used to correct an image in the later stages of construction rather than as your driving foundation.

If "correct" anatomy (however you choose to define that) is the priority of your undersketches, I find that you end up with a sort of Skeleton Song approach to drawing - y'know, the knee bone's connected to the thigh bone, etc etc. Whatever energy, emotion, or intent you wanted your drawing to convey is getting lost each time you split it into another anatomical segment. By over-focusing on individual parts, you lose sight of your image as a whole.

The key to conveying dynamic movement in motionless art is to ensure every element of your image agrees on and communicates the same action, the key to which is something called the line of action.

A line of action is simply that - an implied "line" with wich you lead the viewer's eye and communicate movement. Think of it as the core of your figure's action, simplified to its rawest form. By knowing this, you know what to emphasise and what to de-emphasise.

Well, art is a visual medium and I am better explaining with drawings than words or I'd never have picked up a pen in the first place, so:

Images can have multiple lines of action, lines of action can complement and contrast each other, and a line of action isn't always as obvious as something like running. Imagine you're tring to make your art more "aerodynamic" to the eye. Since I draw a lot of One Piece fanart, I assume you're also familiar with it, and you can probably imagine how Oda uses "lines of action" when composing panels of Luffy punching something, Zoro slicing something, Sanji kicking something- etc etc. He's really good at selling the "oomph" of action shots by reducing visual clutter so that the impact of the action is greater.

(The Monster Trio's abilities are all designed in such a way that allow for REALLY striking lines of action... you can tell Oda loves studying manga fight scenes and wanted to create a world where he could push these concepts to the limit, and it's no wonder One Piece caught the eye of animators even before it was serialised by Toei)

You're probably already noticing how line of action also feeds into composition and silhouette when it comes to conveying movement in an image. Basically put, once you've isolated whatever action it is that you want to convey, the more visual clutter you can streamline away from that action, the stronger an impact that will have on the viewer. A firm line of action, an uncomplicated silhouette for your figure, and a readable overall composition of your image/panel are all ways to minimise visual clutter.

You can also use this information to achieve the opposite effect! Sometimes the ideal action you want to convey is not fast, or powerful, or confident, and you can use the same principles.

In fact, you can apply line of action to images that don't have any "action" in them at all. You can make a drawing of someone simply standing there feel more lively by applying these same principles to their body language:

You can develop an eye for how to simplify movement down to its "lines of action" by studying real photos and other people's art. Try simplifying a figure to its silhouette, and then simplify that silhouette further to a stick figure. And honestly, a lot of this could be boiled down to "see your image as a whole and not just a collection of individual pieces". Set anatomy aside during the composition stage and bring it back in when you start building up the sketch.

Moving away from the line of action, my second piece of broad advice is simply to exaggerate more. Lots of artists subconsciously hold themselves back from pushing motion, expression, etc. out of concern that it will look "too much". Well, maybe it will- but you won't know that unless you try! You can always walk it back if you think you took it too far, but I think you'll be surprised by how far you can push your art before you hit that point.

My final piece of advice is to work on line confidence. Even if you follow the rest of this advice, if you have hesitant and scratchy lines, you're undermining the flow and punch of your art. The best way to improve line confidence is simply by practicing! Do a lot of quick, timed studies, and use a permanent medium like a ballpoint pen or marker. Focus on unbroken lines wherever possible even if it makes your studies look like garbo. I find traditional studies are best for improving line confidence, but if you'd really rather stick with digital then just don't let yourself use the eraser tool, and try using a chunky brush with limited pressure sensitivity.

And that's it! Don't stress about it too much though. Loosen up with your art and, like any other skill, you'll improve with practice, time, and analysing what you like about other people's art. Good luck!

#long post #sorry this is so long I just didn't want to hide it behind a cut because I think a lot of people would miss it #I hope this was helpful in some way! I'm always flattered whenever anyone thinks I'd know enough to ask HAHA #if I have the time then I'm always happy to answer questions like this! :)#not that I am an expert by any means but I can at least share what's worked for me

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fixyourwritinghabits · 9 months

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Hi!

I've recently finished my first draft and I'm ready to get to work on the second.

My autism makes it hard to use those "tips and tricks" people usually have, so I thought about working out a step by step for myself instead, but I have no clue where to start?

Hope you can help or point me in the right direction, as I'm at my wits end.

I don't have any grand secrets, unfortunately. I've attempted to read many, many books on editing, trying to discover the secret that I appear to be missing, but none of them really helps. Note the big changes first, they say. Fix the little things after.

But when everything seems like it's a mess, I don't know how to distinguish between big fixes and small ones. In the end, everything needs to be fixed, and I just have to slog through. However, there are some things that work for me, as frustratingly slow as they can be:

First make sure you're ready to edit.

Sometimes you have to trunk that book for a lot longer than you think. You have to give your brain a long enough break from it in order for new ideas to be formed. Put it away, as long as you can, and give your brain a break. Coming to your story fresh is the best way to start.

This doesn't sound like it works, and believe me, the temptation to dive right back into the book after a week or so is high, but give yourself decent break. Read some books, watch some movies. Shake up those weary creative drives in your brain for up to a month or more before you take another crack at it.

(If you're not tackling a large product, you can wait for a shorter period of time, probably. The longer the book or novel, the more of a rest you should have. If you're writing a fanfic chapter by chapter, the temptation to post immediately is high. Don't do it! Let it rest for a couple of days before reviewing it. You'll thank yourself later.)

Have an outline.

If you didn't start with an outline while drafting, laying out your plot where you can see it will really help you figure out what threads need strengthening. My favorite technique is flashcards and sticky notes that have a short summary of the chapter or scene. Both can be easily rearranged, removed, or shuffled about.

If you have a multiple POVs, color-coding your chapters can help you lay out how much progress each character has made and what areas of the story might need shoring up.

Another thing that can be of help is reworking character sheets or notes. I've been struggling with a particular character who I adore, but who's motivation I've been having trouble nailing. For this draft, I've been able to figure out what the thorn in their side was and write a much stronger story for them as a result.

Slog through from the beginning.

Yes, some people can dive right into those problem areas. Boo to those people, I say. Boo. For me, the only thing that works is to start from the beginning and work through each chapter at a time. Yes, this does involve getting stuck on how to fix things. There is a lot of dramatic lying on floors and pestering my completely bewildered cat when I hit a wall.

But starting at the beginning allows me to see where I need to slot in elements I only started to figure out later in the book. It allows me to weave in foreshadowing and pick up subplots at the right places, rather than throwing them in when I think of them. This method may mean you'll have redraft a few times, and yes, I have to start from the beginning each time. But it does work, even if it takes time.

Just don't ask how many drafts I've done of this damn book I'm working on.

#editing #plotting #writing advice #it's a lotta drafts unfortunately #each time I find a surprising new typo that's been there since FOUR DRAFTS AGO

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theredengineapologist · 4 months

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[Jameward Headcanon] I can pinpoint the exact moment these two fell in love

In my opinion, I would definitely say that this was a case of "fell first" vs "fell harder" (though both of them absolutely adore each other)

Let's start with Edward first, shall we?

Edward always thought James was attractive. Something about that engine's confidence just naturally drew Edward to him.

But that day Edward saw James in his red paint for the first time...

It was like something clicked. Like Edward KNEW, "This guy, this one right here. This one's the love of my life."

Seriously, watch that scene again and look at Edward's expressions! The way his jaw DROPPED, followed by the wide eyes and big smile. Old Iron was SWOONING. He's got HEART EYES.

But of course, Edward didn't want to say anything right away. He knew that HE was in love, but he didn't think James would feel the same way. Surely, someone like James would want an engine who was younger or bigger or stronger than he was. So Edward continued to love him silently, and supported James through his first days as he would have any other friend.

Now on James's end, he always appreciated Edward being there for him. I like to think he was probably more comfortable around Edward than any other engine at this time. Even in later years, I think James still finds Edward the most comfortable to be around, but we'll get to that another time.

The point is, James and Edward were pretty close, but James still didn't think of Edward as anyone other than "Old, Reliable Edward" yet. He was a close friend, and like any other friend, sometimes James gets annoyed with him.

"Edward is impossible! He clanks about like a lot of old iron! And he's so slow, he makes us wait!"

Little did James know he would be eating those words later that day.

Fast forward some time. James has become a runaway again. He has no driver. He's all alone and he's terrified. And who comes speeding down the line to come save him?

Why, it's Edward of course!

And as they're puffing along the line together, side by side, James realizes things all at once. It's not just that Edward is the most comfortable to be around, he feels safe with him! Secure with him! Edward's got him!

Before he even thinks about it, he just says how he feels in that moment.

"You were splendid Edward."

Splendid. That's a word James usually reserves for himself. But Edward can have it today. And tomorrow if he wanted. Edward deserved it.

Oh, and let's not leave this part out from the books.

James missed Edward more than his own driver!

I don't know about you fellas, but that sounds gay to me.

From "Old Iron" onwards, James knew he was in love with Edward. But that didn't mean he said anything about it. In fact, he was pretty in denial about it for some time. But by the time we reach "James the Second Best", I think that's when James finally accepts that he has feelings for Edward. And once we get to "All in Vain", James and Edward have already started dating.

Or alternatively, they've both reached a point where they both just acknowledge that their feelings for each other are mutual. Sometimes I like to think that steam engine courtship is less formalized than it is for us humans. A simple "we both love each other", and then being extra sweet whenever they happen to be in the same vicinity. It's hard to go on dates when you've got jobs to do everyday.

But the point is, by the time we reach the events of "All in Vain", James and Edward are basically already together. And everyone knows it. 💙❤

#ttte #thomas and friends #jameward #ttte 2x5 #2x5 #ttte james #ttte edward #ttte headcanons #i just have A LOT of feelings about them okay #they are the train gays ever #redengineposts #randys headcanons #james the red engine #edward the blue engine

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 6 months

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hey! i love your posts! i was wondering if you could possibly do an analysis on the infamous bathroom scene? why does kaz choose this time to get close to inej and help her with her bandages? do you think he went in with the intention to try and give her physical affection or did it just happen? why does he choose to kiss her neck and is there significance to that? no rush, but i’d love to hear your thoughts!

Thanks so much for your question! I know you said I rush but it really has been a long time so I’m so sorry this took forever, but let’s go!

So the bathroom scene begins very specifically parallel with one of the earliest scenes of Six of Crows, when Kaz is washing in his room at the Slat and Inej walks in to deliver him news, and I think this is supposed to give us a sense of finality. It increases the tension, because at this point the reader is very aware that not everyone is necessarily going to survive Kaz's plan and having this echo could therefore look something frighteningly like closure to prepare us for losing one or both of the pair. Now this can be interpreted as a red herring, Leigh Bardugo is the queen of hitting where the mark’s not looking and she feeds us a lot of red herrings to hide her actual foreshadowing (I made a post about it a while ago now but in summary she’s a genius), and this could definitely be an extension of that to draw attention away from Matthias, similarly to how she focuses on the possibility of Matthias losing Nina a lot more than she does Nina losing Matthias, or it could be a hark back to Inej looking at the murals of animals running in circles in Six of Crows, describing them as “destined to chase each other for as long as the Ice Court stood” (or along those lines sorry I don’t have my books with me at the minute) as a metaphor for her and Kaz’s relationship. I think that the cyclical nature of this scene is meant to reference that in order to suggest that actually they have found a way to break the cycle, because they succeeded at the Ice Court, they metaphorically brought it down and so the cycle is broken, and the fact that there are several distinct differences between these parallel scenes enhances that for me.

This scene is only given to us in detail from Kaz's POV, whereas the early scene is from Inej's, and in each case the opposite character is arguably in the more vulnerable appearing position. In the first scene Kaz is shirtless, washing blood off himself, and Inej is actively discomforted by the immodesty of the interaction between them. In the bathroom scene, Inej has removed her tunic and I believe is wearing a tank top, which for her is a massively vulnerable way to be seen because she covers most of her skin all the time - particularly her arms because of her scars from the removal of the Menagerie tattoo. By this point the scars has been removed by Nina when she was high on parem, but that doesn't make Inej's psychological connection to them end and it definitely doesn't decrease her feeling of vulnerability when her skin is on show. There's also the added tension of Inej being injured in this scene. Although both scenes are in the aftermath of danger, the bathroom scene has a far stronger sense of the further danger to come than the earlier one did, since at the time we knew so little of the heist and the plan. Inej's injury solidifies this and makes the danger feel constant and real, as well as intensely increasing her vulnerability in a way that she is very aware of.

The fact that Kaz chooses now to get close to her intensifies this sense of danger and makes the reader very aware that Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel, the man we have witnessed successfully breaking in and out of the Ice Court, cutting out a man's eye, scaring a small child so badly she'll probably need therapy as an adult, murdering, thieving, and being so committed to his plans that he swallowed and regurgitated a set of lockpicks without a second thought, is actually, genuinely terrified that he won't come back from the next stage of his plan. In fact he's so terrified that he has decided to face the only other thing that frightens him, so that if he dies today at least he tried. I'm not sure if he went in with the intention of moving from helping her with the bandages to physical intimacy, because even the bandages alone would be a huge step for him. It's possible that once he'd committed to helping her with the bandages anyway, that he decided to push himself as far as possible in case he never got another chance. Possibly if he'd taken things in smaller steps he would have been able to cope with helping her today, and then know that he could help her again, and maybe one day after that he'll be able to kiss her. But one of the things that makes this moment so beautiful is that this is a snippet of time where Kaz and Inej are the only thing that exist, there is no future and if they try hard enough maybe there can be no past, maybe there can just be the present, there can just be this. Kaz takes these steps now becasue he doesn't see a chance to do it again, and although this does wonders to enhance the importance and the beauty of the scene it is also terrifying as a reader to face the very real possibility of Kaz not coming back.

I’m really glad you mentioned him kissing her neck because I do think it’s possibly symbolic and quite meaningful. Whilst both of them struggle with physical contact to different capacities, it’s important to note that whilst Kaz’s fear of contact has made intimacy a seeming impossibility for him, for Inej it’s intimacy itself that’s the biggest influence on her pain. She struggles with any contact she isn’t prepared for beforehand, but only ever finds it worth explaining when it’s a form of intimacy - “the first time Nina hugged me, I flinched”. Even though Inej consents in the scene and doesn’t, at least not vocally or physically and therefore not to the reader’s knowledge, change her mind, she never initiates anything. I think this is important because it forces Kaz to be the one who handles the initial contact; if she touched him skin-on-skin without him forcing himself to do so first then he probably would have shut down and panicked a lot sooner because he wasn’t in control. But he also shows such an important understanding that Inej also needs some level of control. And that control comes in her decision to return the kiss. If he kissed her lips she would be forced to face the prospect of her worst fear “would she kiss him back? Could she be herself in such a moment or […] a doll in his arms, a girl who would never quite be whole”. (Again, sorry, operating on memory alone for the quotes). By kissing her neck, Kaz is able to create this moment of sensuality without taking control of it any more than he needs to for his own sake, making sure that the choice always remains hers. It also makes me think of when Nina kisses Matthias on the neck whilst searching his pockets for parem, when she says that she didn’t kiss his lips because she would not let the drug take that from her. Leigh Bardugo establishes this kiss on the lips as something powerful early on in the book and it comes into play once again here, with Kaz and Inej acknowledging that kind of connection to be a far more symbolic one for them than an initial contact is. In much the same way that Kaz refused to be the one to mark Inej again, he will not be the one to kiss her lips and create a situation she is unprepared to deal with. Ultimately, he has to be able to touch her skin first, and she has to be able to kiss his lips first.

Ok I wasn't one hundred percent sure how I was going to go about this and then suddenly all of that was on the page, but I think what I'm going to do now is pick some specific quotes or moments from the scene to talk about.

"I don't have the words to thank you" "I'm sure the Suli have a thousand proverbs for such an occasion" "words have not been invented for such an occasion" "if I end up on the gallows you can say something nice over the corpse" - honestly not sure if I have anything to say about this I just love this conversation so damn much

"if that were true my shadow would have put Ketterdam in permananent night" "maybe. or maybe your someone else's shadow" "You mean Pekka" - I feel like I talk about Kaz being Pekka's shadow an awful lot but I am just so obsessed with the idea, they are literary foils but there are also such important distinct differences between them it’s just incredible

“I don’t sell girl into brothels, I don’t con helpless kids out if their money” “look at the floor of the crow club, Kaz,” - okay so of the same vein and again I feel like I talk about it a lot, in fact it’s literally what inspired the entire fic im writing (if you wanna read it all the chapters are tagged under “Maya Olsen oc”) but these lines are so goddamn heartbreaking I will never get over them

“How could she still look at the world that way?” - it’s just really interesting to me to have this direct address of comparison of the way their view has been shaped by their experiences, particularly as I’ve talked a lot about Inej having to come to terms with the idea that what happened to her isn’t just a cruel part of the world but an individual piece of a cruel world especially with seeing the “Rare Spices” billboard using hyper-sexualised Suli women to sell the products (I made a whole post on that too) and yet still she sees hope in the world. A lot of this I think is to do with her faith, because instead of believing that there can be no god or saints or other form of deity because of the cruelty in the world, as Kaz does (it’s confirmed that he prayed as a child but is obviously now very atheistic, though we don’t get a lot of detail about what religion he may or may not have practiced), a big part of Inej’s path to hell by is believing that fate planned this for her so that it would lead her to stopping it from happening to others. I struggle with this idea because it seems to imply that it makes her pain worthy of going through when obviously no-one should ever have to experience such trauma, but there are many different ways of interpreting this and personally I don’t think that Inej believes her Saints did this to her for a reason but that she believes they have found a reason for her to continue after after the fact and given her a cause in order to help her through her experiences. I hope this makes sense it’s starting to feel a bit ramble-y

Oh my god I just wrote loads after that and it didn’t save. Oh my god no I can’t believe it I’ve been writing for so long 😭 ok erm… oh god I’m so annoyed right now I can’t remember everything I wrote and it was so much like I’d nearly got to the end of the chapter doing a quote by quote analysis. Ok I’m going to try and reconstruct what I did but please bare with if this isn’t my best work because usually I write very freely when I do these and just throw whatever comes into my head into the page so cautiously trying to think back to what I said originally might make it come across a bit stilted.

I can’t believe I’ve done this 😭

“The distance between them felt like nothing. It felt like miles” - his internal conflict is so brilliantly written and it’s so heartbreaking; the way this is far too close but it’s much too far away

“Graceful as always. A girl underwater” - again this internal conflict, the way she’s underwater because her movements are fluid but she’s also underwater because to touch her it to drown

“His gloves lay discarded […] they looked like dead animals”

“Maybe he would never get to the Slat. Maybe this would kill him.”

“Inej’s eyes were wide and dark. Lost planets. Black moons” - I will never shut up about the fact that soc starts with Joost wishing Anya had blue eyes instead of brown so they were easier to compliment, and then the two books are absolutely overflowing with Kaz and Inej describing each other’s beautiful brown eyes

“It’s shame that eats men whole. He was drowning it. Drowning in the Ketterdam harbour”

“Even now a boy will smile at me on the street, or Jesper will put his arm around my waist, and I feel I’m going to vanish,” - this is such and important moment, this scene is the most vulnerable and open Inej ever is out loud and I think it’s such a massive concession to her trust in Kaz. I think that, especially because the scene is written from Kaz’s perspective, we get a lot more emphasis on his struggle than on Inej’s and although it’s really important to discuss Kaz I do think that sometimes we tread a thin line of focusing on him at the expense of losing focus on Inej and it’s so massively important to acknowledge both of them. This is also one of the things that I think was the biggest downfall of the way the writing in shadow and bone season 2 treated Inej, although I absolutely adore the show and I think that everything Amita Suman does shows that she understands the character in a deep and beautiful level, I also think it’s so so important to realise that not once in either season does that script actually state that the Menagerie is a brothel. One of my friends who hasn’t read the books didn’t get the full picture of Inej’s backstory until I filled in some small gaps for her because the writing just didn’t do her full justice, and I think that’s really unfortunate not least because it means that to some who hasn’t read the books a lot of Inej’s actions in season 2 would come across as her trying rush Kaz into something he isn’t ready for when that isn’t the situation in the slightest

“The room tilted. He clung to the tether of her voice” - I’ve seen a lot of stuff online about the focus points of contact between grishaverse couples and the way their represented, for example with Malina it’s their hands (the way they hold hands as Alina is grabbed by Volcra and it amplifies her power, the way they reach to intertwine their fingers in the meadow, etc). And most of these label the eyes as Kanej’s focal point of contact, and whilst I agree with that I also think that the voice is a massively underrepresented one, especially from Kaz’s perspective. It’s Inej’s voice that helps him work through his panic attack in soc and it’s Inej’s voice that keeps him afloat now, arguably because it’s a form of connection between them that requires no closeness or input, it just exists and can be relied upon.

“I live in fear that I’ll see one of her… one of my clients on the street. For a long time I thought I recognised them everywhere. But sometimes I think what they did to me wasn’t the worst of it” - okay I want to warn you guys now I wrote a long and in depth analysis on this quote and I was incredibly passionate and very proud of it so I’n really really annoyed it didn’t save, and I’m sorry because my analysis now is probably not going to live up to what I wrote earlier but here we go:

For me, this is a massively important quote and there are two ways to read it. Firstly, that when she refers to “her” Inej means Heleen but edits her words as a continuation of this vulnerability she is forcing herself to share. The second is going to link to something I said a while ago about how we could compare a separation of “Inej” and “The Wraith” to the separation of “Kaz” and “Dirtyhands”, but this is a bit more like the separation of “Rietveld” and “Brekker”. Inej talks a lot about how she would leave her body behind to exist only in her mind, in passages I find particularly reminiscent of passages in The Handmaid’s Tale (although please note soc is not very explicit whereas tht is incredibly explicit). But to take that idea further, I think there are certain hints, and I think this is possibly the biggest one, to imply that one of Inej’s ptsd responses it to actually view herself today as a separate entity from who she was during her indenture, effectively saying ‘yes these things happened to this body but they didn’t happen to this mind so that should make it easier’ to herself, which is massively self-destructive in nature because it almost creates this idea that she needs to get over who she once was and move on, very similar to the way Kaz Brekker represses Kaz Rietveld. Arguably, what she’s saying is the worst of it is this fracturing of the self that has been created by what they put her through and that she cannot seem to escape from. Now obviously I don’t know the intent behind Leigh Bardugo’s words and I want to be very clear that there are different possible interpretations of this, this one in particular does happen to more darkly resonate with her ptsd that does not make it correct or incorrect but I think it’s worth considering, especially when it adds another layer to the parallels between her and Kaz.

Ok I’m not going to write out the full quote because it’s quite long but starting from the line “Tante Heleen wasn’t always cruel” - now I talked about this a bit in my post about a comparison between Inej and Wylan as subsequent to a comparison between Heleen and Van Eck, but very specifically in this passage Inej describes this horrifying, heart-shattering image of the way Heleen attempted to instil something akin to Stockholm Syndrome within the girls at the Menagerie, by forcing them to believe that she was their only hope for survival, that she was kinder to them than anyone else would be, that they had to prove they deserved to stay with her, that any abuse she brought down on them came from a place of some kind of twisted love or care because she had to do this to make them understand, that if they would just be good and if they would just understand then she wouldn’t have to hurt them but they won’t do they are forcing her to do this. It’s so painful and it tells us so much detail about Inej’s experience without actually going into tiny explicit details.

“Feeling regret and release as he broke contact with her skin” - again so brilliantly highlighting his internal conflict

“He could feel the warmth of her on his fingers like fever” - if I had a list of my favourite similes in literature… well it would be very long, but this would be on it!!! The subtlety and yet emphasis on Kaz’s internal conflict is so beautifully written here, with the warmth of her flesh against his creating this sensual atmosphere but the comparison of it to fever, to the illness that killed Jordie and took Kaz to the Reaper’s Barge, adds to the way the reminder of his pain is threaded through every moment even when he isn’t physically suffering a flashback, it’s just constantly present and inescapable

“That rapid pulse fluttering in her throat. Alive. Alive. Alive” - agaiiiiiiiiiiiin with the so brilliantly written internal conflict I will never get over. The entire scene is at war with itself, every sentence at odds with its own content. The sexual tension created in the image of the fast heart rate and the way this makes you feel alive versus the desperate need to keep reminding himself that she is alive and breathing she is not a body on the Reaper’s Barge.

Ohhhhh just the whole description of Kaz saying “after all she’d endured, he was the weak one” and explaining the pain of watching the others able to hold each other, how difficult it is to see Nina hug her and Jesper out his arm around her genuinely makes me want to cry, it resonates so sadly with the scene when they arrive at the Geldrenner and all the others are hugging and so happy to see each other alive, and Nina says that even if Kaz isn’t happy to see them they’re happy to see him, meanwhile Kaz is in a war of self loathing because he so intensely fears that they hate him because they think he hates them but he has no way of expressing himself and it’s just ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you know?

“He watched that pulse, the evidence of her heart”

The whole passage that follows this moment I can’t explain it any other way than I feel like I’m melting every time I read it. I saw a Tumblr post someone had put on Pinterest recently and if I find it again I’ll put the op username in the comments but it basically said that when a writer can write something that isn’t a sex scene as if it’s a sex scene that it’s kind of magical and I think in a lot of ways this resonates massively with this scene

Ugh and then I want to cry again when he can’t cope and the I ability to express himself becomes anger and becomes descriptions of violence. This is the only time we get a full feel for the absolute unending mess of Kaz’s theist for revenge; it’s never enough, not the banks, not the attorneys, not the man from the cafe, not the boy who lured them in, not Margit, not Saskia, and Pekka Rollins won’t be. I always wonder if it’s important that we’re never told what he did to Saskia. We know that the roper was tortured and left dead with “the key to a wind up dog shoved down his throat” so we know Kaz exercises some kind of poetic justice in his violence, and we see that in his revenge against Rollins too. Maybe he strangled her with a red hair ribbon. Maybe he never actually hurt her. Maybe he couldn’t bring himself to.

“You don’t ask for forgiveness Kaz. You earn it,” “and is that what you intend to do? By hunting slavers?” “By hunting slavers” - maybe it’s just because of the intonation choice on my audiobook (which btw is awesome shout out to the narrators of the audiobook love you guys) but this to me comes across as Kaz attempting to mock Inej in his harried, terrified, clearly losing control state and her so calmly standing her ground and standing by what she believes in

“His eyes scanned her face […] snatching at the pieces of her like the thief he was”

“But if he was going to die today maybe the one thing he’d earned was the memory of her, brighter than anything he would ever have a right to, to take with him to the other side.”

The way the last moments of the scene include him putting back in the gloves, reconstructing the armour

“He might as well go to meet his death in style” - this is gonna be out of tune with everything else I’ve said but damn what an icon love this line

“Whatever happens to me, survive this city. Get your ship, have your vengeance, carve your name into their bones, but survive this mess I’ve gotten us into.” - I may simply ✨cease to exist✨. But genuinely I’ve mentioned several times before about how the city of Ketterdam almost becomes it’s own character as the antagonist because ultimately it’s the system, not any individual, that has to be defeated and I think this quote highlights it so well. There are individual people that have to be dealt with and deserve everything that will be brought done upon them, but it’s the city itself that you have to watch out for or it will swallow you whole

I’m not going to go into detail about their tells because I’ve made a post devoted to them before and good lord this post is getting long, but I just want to emphasise that it’s a brilliant passage

“If you’ve ever cared about me at all, don’t follow” - I just absolutely adore that the next chapter starts with Inej following him mimicking these exact words I love her so damn much it makes giggle every time

“Inej was wrong about one thing. He knew exactly what he intended to leave behind when was gone: Damage” - *collapses* God I adore this there are no words

Ok wow if you made it this far thank you so much for reading this honestly I’m very impressed that you did because this is long. There are definitely details that I’ve lost because I had to require so much of it, which is a real shame but there’s still a lot to talk about here and I’ve written so much is possibly best for the sake of all our sanity’s that there isn’t more. Sorry I took so long to respond to your question but thank you so so much for asking it, I hope you all like this and that it at least made some sense because as I’ve said before these things often make more sense in my own head than they do on paper. Thanks for reading 💖

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thelightsandtheroses · 8 months

Text

Secret Smile: Futility (Chapter Eight)

Secret Smile | Javier Peña x female reader

Summary: Before returning to Colombia to get things right this time, Javi’s childhood best friend asks him to keep an eye out for his sister while they’re both stationed in the embassy. Only you don’t need Javier to keep an eye you her. Your role as a new legal advisor is all about keeping an eye on him after all. Sparks fly, lines will be drawn and broken and there’s everything to lose.

Word Count: 3.5k Chapter Warnings: 18+ blog, language, mentions of alcohol, reader has a nickname (Blue) but no physical descriptors are used, un beta’d. Notes - Thanks, as always, for all your lovely comments and reblogs to this fic so far. It means the world to me.

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It feels like the case is falling apart. Jurado won’t testify without Christina and no one knows where she is at the moment. There are whispers rumbling and none of them are good.

Javi’s become accustomed to racing heartbeats, to surges of adrenaline as he tries to make sense of the cards in front of him. He can feel everyone’s eyes on him, the weight of expectation after he arrested Gilberto.

He needs something else, another option to bring this cartel down.

They go ahead with the plan arrest Miguel, to act decisively, to bring it down once and for all. Feistl has his informant, Natalia, and there’s a plan.

Javi and his team do everything right. They don’t say who the target is; they even bring the damn prosecutor with them to sign the warrant there and then to help keep this quiet, assure the mission’s integrity. They keep the target secret; they have the intelligence that he is in that house. Everything is prepared.

He follows the rules, follows the guidance and your careful considerations. In the moments before it starts, he is sure Blue would be pleased he stops Feistl barging in against the local laws. The prosecutor is reluctant to help but he finally signs the paperwork.

It’s a good plan. Until the local police turn up, until they point out the unblocked exit, until, until, until …

They still fail. They fuck up; they’re moments from getting Miguel and are told the raid isn’t legal, that it’s over.

Javi knows that Miguel was behind that wall, is probably laughing at them all right now, at their failed attempt, at their incompetence, at Javi’s mistakes.

He thinks back to that night, to the work and preparation that went into it. He felt like himself for a second; in a shirt and tac vest instead of a claustrophobic suit, being at the scene with the intelligence rather than reading it in a report.

Every minuscule step forward he makes is thwarted with gigantic stumbles backwards. Javi set this path in the motion the day he arrested Gilberto so he needs to see this through. He needs to make this work.

Javi neatens the tie around his neck and looks at you. You look serious; he’s watched you smooth out imaginary creases on your suit jacket at least twice in the last ten minutes.

“We’ve got this,” you say softly, looking at him and Feistl and then at the Ambassador approaching in the distance.

He knows you’re lying.

You take a long gulp of coffee and rest your head against the sofa. The past few weeks have been draining. You thought it was bad enough telling Javi everything that had happened in DC, but quickly after that work had escalated and when the arrest of Miguel failed and they threatened to pull everyone on the raid’s visas? You’ve been juggling a lot. The two of you have barely been able to talk about what you said on the plane weeks ago. You’re glad of that.

You don’t want to dwell on the past, you don’t want to go backwards. Somehow talking to Javi about DC changed something within you; it hurt at first. It bought up all your ghosts and agonies. Then it subsided though and in the wake of those memories, you felt different. It’s as though you have forged the broken pieces of yourself together with something stronger, something that makes you more resilient.

It doesn’t hurt so much to think about it now. It’s there; the dull ache that hasn’t subsided, but it’s different.

You were scared after you told Javi that things would change between the two of you; that Javi would think you weak, or even worse, he would change how he was around you. Things have been normal though, or as normal as they can be.

“Are you sure you can trust him?” you ask quietly, after considering what Javi has just told you he plans to do to get Christina back.

“No, but I - I don’t see another option right now. The cartel paid for Christina to be -” Javi breaks off and looks out of the glass windows of his office. “I need to go and get her.”

You don’t need Javi to elaborate on what he’s thinking. You don’t want to think about what Christina may be going through, how terrified she may be right now. It is so like Javi thought to decide he’ll be the one to get to her, to not delegate the role but to see it through.

“And then Jurado will talk, I’ll get the deal back, Javi. We can get him to translate the ledger you found?”

“That’s the plan, cariño. There are two people who can translate that ledger - him and the accountant and we only have Jurado right now.” Javi moves off the desk he was perched against.

You’ve noticed his habits over the many months you’ve worked together now; how he leans against furniture, how he prefers a shirt and jeans to suits, how he naturally wants to loosen the top buttons of any shirt he wears, to always show a tantalising amount of neck. He has freckles there; sometimes you’ve wanted to count them, to place a delicate kiss on each one.

You can’t though. There’s the case, there’s your history, there’s too much.

“So, you’re off into the jungle again?” you ask, a mischievous smirk on your face.

“I promise won’t wear my best shoes this time,” he says lightly, squeezing your arm briefly as you move to stand next to him.

“Well, that’s some progress I suppose.”

“I’m trying.”

“I know, I know you are. Look, Javi, we’ll get through this. You’ll get Christina and then we have the money, we have Jurado’s testimony. We’re getting there - you’re getting there.”

“Thanks, Blue.”

“Just be safe, Javi. I don’t like the sound of this guy.”

“Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea.” Javi pauses then adds, “I’ll be safe, don’t worry,” he says softly, his eyes meeting yours with an unspoken promise.

Things fall apart quickly and the confirmation from Salcedo there’s a link brings all the puzzle pieces together at last.

Javi watches your face carefully as he tells you everything he knows; that the leak may be in the government, that Jurado is dead, murdered in prison and that he was this close to arresting Miguel before he was stopped. He confesses that they seem to know all of his moves, that the stacks of cards he’s carefully constructed is being systematically destroyed and he’s not sure he can stop this.

He has a matter of hours to make this right and he can’t even get to Cali. He’s stuck here in Bogota and it’s not enough.

“Javi, they’ve asked for all my files too,” you say softly, “I - I don’t know how we can fix this one. I spent hours talking to the local office today and - I don’t think I can fix this.” You’re not looking at him and Javi wonders if you think he’s disappointed in you. He’s not, he can’t be anything more than amazed that you’ve fought with him as hard as you have, that you’re still here with him.

He looks at you, exhales the smoke from his cigarette and confesses the next part of his plan. “We’re going to arrest Miguel today.”

“What?”

”If I still have until the end of today, we can still get him before then. You and I both know that it won’t happen after today. So, it happens now, or it doesn’t happen at all.”

“Javi, I - okay. Okay. What do you need from me?”

“I’ve got a plan with Feistl and Van Ness. I’ve - I’ve spoken to General Serrano just now and it’s going ahead, we - we have a plan. We make him move, make him leave his safehouse or wherever he’s hiding and then we get him.”

You tilt your head as you take in the plan and then nod. “That sounds sensible. Right, you have a plan, you still have some time to do this but what’s wrong, Javi? I can see it all over your face.”

“I’m stuck here, Blue - I should be in Cali with my team but I’m not and -”

If anything goes wrong and he’s not there, if Javi’s the one who insisted on setting this in motion …

He swallows.

Christina’s right, he is a piece of shit. How can he tell you about what he’s done? He lied to Feistl and Van Ness, lied about Salcedo and getting him out just so he has the chance for them to arrest Miguel? He thinks of the numerous CIs he’s had over the years, the way he’s detested higher-ups for making calls just like this, the consequences of that which he’s seen.

If this goes wrong today, he’ll never wash the blood off his hands.

He can’t tell you any of this though.

Instead, he resigns himself to the fact that while Christina is right about him, if he can get Miguel, if he can expose this corruption, then maybe he won’t be so bad. Maybe he will bear some goodness at last and it will be worth it.

Javi feels your hand on his arm, a gentle squeeze. It reassures him, having you so near to him, the solid grounding presence of your hand on his shirt.

It’s nearly over, he tells himself, it’s almost over. They’ll arrest Miguel, they’ll get Salcedo and his family somewhere safe, it will all be worth it. It’s the right thing.

The DEA arrest Miguel, they safely put Salcedo and his family into a hotel. That’s when your work can start at last; the next step in acquiring justice. You

There’s no celebration in Javi’s office after Miguel’s arrest, no true sense of a win. There’s the slow, haunting realisation that the odds were always stacked around you, that the cartel had all the winning cards.

In the movies, justice moves quickly. The scene transitions seamlessly from the arrest to a courtroom to a jail cell as though it all happens immediately, within a week or two at the most. You never see the months of work in between that. Real life is so different to the screen. There’s a lot more paperwork to complete than for a start.

You spend so much of your time in these between scenes, slowly trying to find a way forward. The entire pursuit of justice is a painstaking wade though molasses, each step infinitely harder than the last.

One night, shortly after the arrest, you find Javi standing outside your apartment, tie loosened, eyes wild. You’re holding grocery bags in your arm, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt as opposed to your usual workwear.

“Tell me you didn’t know,” he says, “Please, please, cariño, tell me you didn’t know.”

You open your door, leaving it open for him to walk in as you place your grocery bags on the dining table. “What are you talking about, Javi?”

“I was just with the Ambassador.”

“Okay?”

“He played me a tape. Tell me you haven’t heard it.” You forget about unpacking your shopping, forget about which items need to go in the fridge. What tape? What is he saying?

You walk from the kitchen to the sofa.

“Heard what, Javi?” you ask in your best prosecutor voice.

“That they’re all in on it. That they donated to Samper’s campaign, that all of this, all of this means nothing right now, because they’re not going to stay in jail, are they, Blue?”

“Javi I-”

You sit down on the sofa and put your head in your hands.

“It makes sense,” you say after a moment. “Fuck!”

The system has been against you both from the start. You feel the bile rising in your stomach, the frustration at the futility of everything you have fought for.

“We never stood a chance, Blue.”

“We – Javi -” you falter, unsure of what you can even say.

If what Javi says is true, and of course it is, then everything you’ve done and everything you’ve been planning could be futile. You have so much work left to do in this case and it’s quickly apparent this isn’t going to be smooth. This work is just going to be pushing a boulder uphill, watching it fall and being grateful if it ends just up two inches above where you started. Your work hasn’t even started yet and already you feel like you’re walked into a losing case.

Javi’s face pierces through your reverie; a mix of desperation and despondence.

You know that feeling, you know it too well.

“What if we expose this too? What if I draft an indictment? Can you prove this?” you ask. There’s nothing to lose anymore; your career aspirations with the DOJ were killed back in Washington, this job isn’t for you. So, what do you even have to lose?

“I’d need the accountant.”

“Then get him, Javi. This isn’t over yet.”

Javier’s priority becomes getting Guillermo on side, ensuring there’s evidence to keep the godfathers in jail and achieve some form of justice still. You do whatever you can to help. In between this, you’re drafting and deleting and throwing wads of paper into the bin as you try and figure out how to write this indictment.

Justice isn’t so sweet, but it keeps moving. Arrests are made, deals agreed, the sticky wheels continue to turn.

In the aftermath of all of this, your life becomes flights and hotels and helping the US federal prosecutors state to state make their case and make sense of the evidence and testimonies.

You perfect packing at short notice, learn all of the frequent traveller tips that have evaded you before. After a couple of misadventures, you discover which airport food to definitely avoid, how to pack the least possible luggage so you only have to take a small case with you and don’t waste time at airport carousels after late night flights.

It may be punishment for realising you missed the courtroom - you wonder if this is some sort of divine intervention to show you a tour of as many federal courtrooms across the country as you can imagine.

The coffee is terrible in all of them.

Life slowly moves on.

And throughout it all, there’s Javi.

Right now, you’re in Javi’s office. It’s the first time in days you’ve been here and it feels a little strange. You only landed a few hours ago from your latest meeting and flight. Your clothes are crumpled and yet here he is, a cup of coffee waiting for you in his office as you trudge your way to him and update him on something he probably already knows about.

You’re both so far from Laredo now.

“So, I can tell you that the office in Delaware had the worst coffee by far,” you say lightly, taking the steaming cup with a smile.

“Oh yeah?”

“Uh huh, how’s the last couple of days been? I saw some of the news footage, I bet that got people talking. Didn’t you have a meeting with the Ambassador today?” Your boss is not so happy with the recent revelations from testimony and press interviews, but you’re not sure you want to tell Javi that. He’s doing the right thing, he’s trying to at least.

Javi’s expression worries you though; it’s the same he wore when he turned up at your apartment to discuss the Ambassador’s revelations.

“What’s wrong?” you ask as you watch him light a cigarette.

“They won’t go further with the indictment you wrote.”

“Oh.”

You sigh heavily and lean against his door. You’re not sure where to start with your response, that once you started drafting it, you knew it would never be filed - that they were never going to let you do anything with it, you knew that. It was just with every word you typed, you felt like you were exorcising some demons. You had to try, didn’t you?

“I’m sorry,” you say.

“’S not your fault.”

“I just - the Ambassador said I won, but I don’t feel like we did.”

“When you arrived, there was a deal on the table that would have delivered the accountabilities, the revelations that have come out because of your work, because of your team. Javi, it might be exactly what we want but - we achieved something, right?”

“I don’t feel like we won. Do you feel like we won, Blue?”

You don’t answer him. You don’t need to.

For a moment you’re not in Bogotá, you’re in a stuffy office in DC listening to a characterisation of yourself you do not recognise, drowning in a betrayal you never expected.

Javi was right all that time ago; you never stood a chance.

Do you feel like we won, Blue?

Javi’s words haunt you throughout your day. You ruminate on them incessantly, conducting a full court trial in your mind of the last of year of your life.

To an extent, Javi’s right. There’s a gnawing in your gut that you’ve failed, that this has just been a waste of a year. This isn’t a win, it’s not the result you fought for or have endured numerous flights and forced niceties for.

Is it truly a loss though?

Would you have ever connected with Javi beyond forced niceties in your fleeting visits to Laredo if it wasn’t for this year? You’ve learned a lot, you know more about the type of lawyer, type of person, you want to be.

It’s not a waste. It’s not the victory you hoped for, but it’s not a waste. It can’t be when it bought you Javi.

For months, you have ignored your feelings for Javi because of a fear of the past, because of your concerns of propriety, of protecting the case that meant so much to the two of you. Only, the whole case was compromised from the start. The moment hits you like icy water.

You’re here.

You’re at Javi’s door and before you can change your mind, you knock the front door of his apartment.

“What are you doing here?” he asks gruffly, opening the door ajar. You notice that he’s taken off his suit jacket and tie, the top two buttons of his shirt are unbuttoned and his hair is more dishevelled.

“Commiserations, I guess,” you say lightly, as he opens the door to allow you entry to his apartment. “I don’t think I told you this before, but you definitely got an upgrade on the apartment front when you got the attaché role- you can virtually see the whole city from here, Javi.”

“Why are you here, Blue?”

“Like I said … commiserations.” You close the door behind you and cautiously drop your handbag on his sofa. “I was thinking about what you said earlier, about did I feel like we won? All I can say is that people know more than they did, questions are being asked, the godfathers will stay in jail. We got … we got something. it might not be enough, or everything we wanted and hoped for, but it’s something.”

”Well, as long as we’ve not wasted an entire year of our lives,” Javi says dryly, walking to his living room window.

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“You wouldn’t?”

You look at the man standing next to you and shake your head as you think about the reason you’re here, that you’ve driven to his apartment block. “No, it’s definitely not an entire waste.”

Over the past year you’ve gone from being completely confused by Javi, by the man he became from the boy you once knew, to becoming friends - real genuine friends.

You’ve had moments where you’ve infuriated each other; where you thought you’d burn every single bridge you built with him out of sheer, incandescent rage and frustration. You’ve spurned his kiss and simultaneously lived for each brushed elbow, each tentative glance. You’ve sympathised with him, got to know the real him, you’ve broken bread together. He’s become more than a colleague, more than your brother’s best friend.

He’s Javi.

It’s Javi.

You’ve fallen for him.

And there’s no reason to deny that anymore, it’s futile to even try.

Besides, there’s no case, no reason to have to ignore it anymore. The case never stood a chance, neither of your efforts really did. You both tried anyway though.

That’s the point.

This year has shown you that you’re stronger, more resilient, and more determined than you ever realised. You will be damned before you let the past dictate your future. You will not let anxieties about people who don’t care about in another state, another country, haunt you for the rest of your life.

You think back to that night at your apartment with Javi months ago. You wondered if it was fate, the two of you being here together and perhaps, back them you were still finding your way back to yourself from DC, but here you are.

So, you stand a little closer to him, so close your hands are brushing. You can smell his cologne, the faint smell of cigarette smoke and when you look over at him, you’re struck by how deep brown his eyes are and how, beyond his frustration at this job he can’t fix, there’s such clear kindness in them. He looks over at you with a slightly puzzled expression on his face before he mirrors your own small smile.

This time, you kiss him.

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duhragonball · 8 months

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Dragon Ball Super Movie 1: Broly (2/3)

Well, enough of that flashback stuff. Let's move on to the present.

So after the destruction of Planet Vegeta, uh all of Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball Super happened. This is kind of a weak point for this movie, because it's story is rooted in Goku's origin tale, but the climax takes place when Goku's a middle-aged man, so a lot of lore has happened in between. There's a similar thing going on when Raditz and Frieza show up in DBZ, and when Broly made his debut in the 1993 film, but Goku was 24-30 in those stories, so it wasn't quite as big a strain.

The thing is, the stuff we had to skip over was extremely important, and the movie simply can't go over all of it. If someone who knew nothing about Dragon Ball watched this thing, they would probably think that this is a story about Goku and Vegeta trying to avenge their people by defeating Frieza, except that already got dealt with in 1991. Goku, Vegeta, and Frieza have each been killed and resurrected... twice. This movie doesn't have time to explain all their baggage, much less how Goku and Vegeta became pals. So no one even tries to fill in the audience on who this big purple cat man is. You either saw Battle of Gods or you just have to roll with it.

And you know what? Good. No one was there to explain Ox King or Mr. Popo to me when I first got into this thing. I've been watching this stuff for a quarter century, and I still don't know what the fuck Tien's third eye is all about. Context is for the weak.

Anyway, this scene takes place on a private island Bulma bought some time ago. She had a resort built here so Goku and Vegeta could spar without damaging West City. And the food is good, so Beerus and Whis tagged along, although neither of them really have any impact on the plot at all. Whis asks Goku why he wants to get stronger, and Goku explains that he's feeling inspired after the recent Tournament of Power arc from the tail end of the DBS anime. Vegeta, on the other hand, is only concerned with Frieza, who was restored to life during that storyline. Frieza's more powerful than ever before, and Vegeta expects him to get even stronger and menace the Earth again.

Sure enough, Bulma gets a call from Trunks as Capsule Corp, who informs them that Bulma's collection of Dragon Balls and the Dragon Radar have been stolen by goons wearing Frieza Force uniforms. But the joke's on them, because Bulma only had six of the Dragon Balls collected. The seventh is on the Ice Continent, so they know exactly where to go to intercept the thieves. Beerus doesn't want to tag along for the trip, so Bulma leaves her infant daughter Bulla with Beerus.

So what was Bulma planning to wish for? She admits that she was going to ask Shenron to make her look five years younger. Why only five? Because if she got too young all at once, people would think she had work done.

So what does Frieza plan to wish for? Immortality was what he wanted on Namek, but not this time. No he only wants to grow about five centimeters taller. Why not just use his second or third forms to be tall? Because he wants to be taller in any of his forms. Why only five centimeters? Because he wants it to seem like he's still growing.

I've never been too happy about this gag. I mean, it's a good gag, but I liked it better the first time, when Commander Red planned to use the Dragon Balls to make himself taller. It does add some complexity to Frieza's character, though, since he's not just stubbornly trying the exact same routine that got him wrecked on Namek, and then killed on Earth, and then re-killed on Earth again.

This time, he's not trying to take the Dragon Balls by force, because he knows Goku and Vegeta are too powerful to challenge head-on. So he's using stealth instead. The minions he sent to Earth are weaker guys, which mean Goku and Vegeta wouldn't sense their ki. And it seems like Frieza's plan is to just sneak down to Earth, make the wish, and head out before anyone can stop them.

And he's not pursuing the same wish he had twenty-odd years ago. Really, Frieza was never that interested in immortality in the first place. He only decided to wish for that because it was the one thing he didn't already have. But now he's been dead twice over, and that's given him a new perspective on life and death, and he seems to think being unable to die would be similar to the unending torment he experienced in hell. Neither does he seek an invincible body. I'm not sure Shenron could give him greater strength, but Frieza feels that would take all the fun out of "the game". If nothing else, it's interesting to see Frieza consider this at all. Back in the Namek Saga, he never thought about wishing for greater power, because he believed he already was the strongest in the universe. Now that he knows otherwise, he seems fairly content with that.

Meanwhile, we meet the last two players in this drama, Leemo and Cheelai. They're operatives in the Frieza Force, but they're not warriors. Leemo's been with the Frieza Force from the beginning, and Cheelai's a recent recruit, having joined up to avoid the consequences of stealing a Galactic Patrol ship. Their orders are to find more warriors to join the Frieza Force, since their ranks are pretty threadbare. Remember, when Frieza destroyed the Saiyans, they made up half of his fighting force. The other half was still quite formidable, but all of his best troops ended up getting killed during Frieza's disastrous invasion of Namek. Then Frieza came back and tried to attach Earth in Resurrection F, and he brought like a thousand soldiers with him, and those guys all got killed as well.

As Cheelai observes, Frieza is down to women and old men like herself and Leemo. There just aren't many warriors available in the universe these days, because all the good talent got killed off a long time ago. As they discuss this, Leemo picks up a distress signal from Planet Vampa. Thinking their might be a reward for it, they head over to answer the call, and find...

Paragus! Also a bunch of alien monsters. Fortunately, Paragus isn't alone...

They also find Broly on Vampa, and he's all grown up and stronger than ever. Their scouters measure Paragus' power level at 4200, which isn't too impressive these days, but it's way better than anything the Frieza Force has at the moment. And Broly's power is too high for the scouters to measure, so they definitely want him to come along. On the way to Frieza's ship, Cheelai feeds Broly rations and takes a liking to the big guy.

When the four of them report to Frieza, Paragus explains that he had to cut off Broly's tail because of the frequent full moons on Vampa, which cause Broly to lose control of himself as a giant ape. Occasionally, Broly still loses control of himself anyway, but Paragus can rein him in using...

... a shock collar, which he can activate with a remote control. Leemo and Cheelai are horrified to learn of this, but not so horrified that they turn down the generous reward Frieza gives them for their discovery.

Now, one thing that always bugged me about this movie is that Frieza immediately starts making plans to use Broly against Goku and Vegeta. He wasn't planning to attack them this time around, but now that he has Broly on his team, it seems much more favorable. Later, when the fighting starts, Frieza is disappointed to find that Broly can't transform into a Super Saiyan, but why would he expect Broly to be able to do any of that? Sure he's a Saiyan, but Goku and Vegeta have mastered power levels far, far beyond what other Saiyans have ever dreamed possible.

But I keep forgetting that Frieza can sense ki these days, the same way Goku can. Back in the Namek Saga, Frieza had to rely on scouters like the rest of his goons, but when he trained to become Golden Frieza in Res F, he learned to sense energy. So when he sizes up Broly, he's not just guessing at how strong this guy is. He can actually perceive the untapped potential in Broly's body, and he seems to recognize that Broly would be capable of giving Goku and Vegeta a hard time. So it makes sense.

Anyway, Paragus is happy to cooperate, since he still despises King Vegeta for what happened, and he's down to attack Prince Vegeta to even the score. And Broly has to do whatever Paragus wants or he gets another shock.

Later, Cheelai tries to get to know Broly better, but Paragus forbids Broly from speaking. While they argue over this, another henchman tries to drunkenly hit on Cheelai. I really like how Leemo tries to defuse the situation here. He's not a fighter, so it suits his character that he'd try to employ a nonviolent solution, like offering to buy this guy a drink. Being a noncombatant in the Frieza Force, he's probably grown accustomed to swimming with the sharks like this. But it doesn't work, and then Broly steps up to use a non-nonviolent solution, which is violence.

But Paragus doesn't want to offend his host, so he gives Broly another shock. Cheelai confronts him over this, and while she chews him out, she swipes his remote control. Then Paragus gets summoned to talk with Frieza. While he's gone, Cheelai destroys the remote, and they listen to Broly tell the story of his green fur wrap.

It's a pretty simple story. The closest thing Broly had to a friend on Vampa was one of the large green creatures on the planet. Paragus used the creature to train Broly, goading it to attack, and then having Broly dodge it. But over time, the creature became accustomed to Broly, and they became pals. But Paragus wanted the creature to be hostile, so he shot its ear off with a laser pistol to piss it off. Ever since, Broly has kept the ear and wears it as a memento of their friendship.

I like how easily Cheelai and Leemo sympathize with Broly in this movie. They're not good guys at all. Cheelai's an opportunistic thief, and Leemo's a cog in Frieza's evil empire. But they're not heartless, and Broly's story is so tragic and innocent that you can't help but feel for the guy. Leemo compares Paragus to his own rotten father, so you can tell that he can relate to what Broly is going through. And Cheelai can tell when someone's being used. Paragus can dress it up all he likes, but he's just using Broly's power to serve his own selfish interests.

Moving on, Frieza's team on Earth have located the seventh Dragon Ball, and Frieza's fleet moves in to join them for the wish-making. But Bulma, Goku, and Vegeta get their first. They probably would have arrived sooner, but Bulma wanted to stop somewhere to buy cold-weather gear. Let's just take a moment to admire her safety-yellow snowsuit. She looks like a baby duck in this thing and it's great.

Frieza confronts Goku and Vegeta and introduces Paragus and Broly. I never really noticed these guardsmen who stand by while Frieza steps out of the ship. Paragus should have gotten one of those uniforms, since that pink shower curtain he's wearing looks dumb as hell.

I mean, look at Goku. Bulma got him a sweet blue coat and he looks like a million bucks. He tries to convince Paragus and Broly to get along as fellow Saiyans, but that doesn't get him anywhere. You'd think he'd know better by now.

So Broly's rarin' to go, and Frieza sees no reason to make him wait, and it's on. Broly attacks Vegeta, and that brings us to the final leg of this movie, which we'll cover next time.

#dragon ball #2023dbapocryphaliveblog #dragon ball super #dragon ball super: broly #broly #goku #vegeta #frieza #paragus #cheelai #leemo #bulma #whis #beerus #bulla

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embraceyourdestiny · 6 months

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tell me about the two vanitases. vaniti

Post I made a while ago about it (might be slightly awkward / messy bc it’s from 2 years ago) :)

Essentially, at the end of bbs Vanitas and ven have a “battle of hearts” (similar to Roxas and sora in kh2) and Vanitas, as the weaker heart, loses and retreats back into his “origin”, ven’s heart. We see sparkles dissipate into vens stain glass, signifying that Vanitas has become embedded into ven’s heart. THEN ven becomes embedded in Sora’s heart, thus making a sort of matryoshka effect inside of sora;

sora<-(inside, ven [<-inside, vanitas])

Cut to ddd where sora is DEEP inside his own heart and thus coming across a lot of shit embedded within. Including Vanitas who appears as a fractured vision saying Sora’s heart is a prison “even if he’s not the prisoner.” Upon hearing this most people’s immediate thought would be *terra/aqua voice* ven!! But most people miss the hidden layer (cleverness intended) that would also mean Vanitas since he’s inside ven. Of course if someone is locked inside a prisoner in jail that also means they’re in the prison, whether them also being locked up was intentional or not

Cut to kh3. The first instance we see Vanitas is monsters inc. but we don’t see Vanitas first, we see the manifestation of his power because as he explains he needed enough energy to come back to life. The clever part about this is this only happens because sora is there with ven in his heart, thus physically bringing Vanitas’s heart to a place where he can regenerate and, if the plan works out, extract himself/ven from Sora’s body. There’s an extra bonus that the power becomes even more potent by upsetting sora and therefor having a STRONG sense of negativity which had been building in our poor boy all game, and as Ansem The Wise said, sora is able to make things be real and that means he was able to make Vanitas come back to life without whatever Xehanort did to make him, even though he didn’t mean to

Then Vanitas gets bodied by scully and thrown into a door, seemingly gone forever

Then like 3 seconds later we see him again in the land of departure. But. Wait. Didn’t scully just throw him to somewhere in Connecticut?

Act II: The second Vanitas

This Vanitas is a replica Xehanort pulled from the post. Xehanort had no fucking clue where Vanitas went after bbs bc he just disappears and honestly he clearly didn’t care because hes always known could just make another one so he does. The reason I know this isn’t monsters inc Vanitas is because one that’s impossible, it was 100% intentional this scene happens after yeetus Vanitas, and two Vanitas acts. Different. For one he’s much more brazen than he was in MI, instead of just his long winded monologuing he’s actually goading them on and being arrogant and feisty and trying to fight, immediately transporting us back to the kind of personality he had before. You know. Ven kicked his ass. And he also teleports and does magic and is way stronger than MI Vanitas because that Vanitas had just formed. There’s no possible way he had all his strength back after being rebirthed for 3 seconds so the fact that he was able to hold his own against aqua who’s been fighting nonstop for 10 years definitely raises an eyebrow and points to this theory because how was that possible and why didn’t he fight in MI if this was the case.

Some people have pointed out that it’s weird Vanitas wears a cloak of darkness in MI and thinking about it I think there’s two answers. The first is he was weak and I think it’s possible the cloak could protect him, esp if he’s not fully darkness anymore bc he has his own heart, has regenerated on his own instead of being extracted by Xehanort’s dark power, and was touched by two very powerful lights for like 10 years (they probably got their light cooties on him lol) and two, I think he was hiding from Xehanort. Vanitas likely knew of his plan since his conception even though he might not have fully understood was it was and therefore he would’ve known what was going on in kh3 and been like “shit. I’m not following the plan bc I’m not even a part of the plan anymore so Xehanort can’t find out.” Because if you remember in com DiZ says the cloaks can hide you from anyone and if Xehanort knew Vanitas was back he would at the very least force him to do his plan again or at the worst destroy him because he’s an unknown factor

Then sora fights replica Vanitas and he goes back into the past and somewhere out there Vanitas is walking around the streets of New York (or shibuya) having no clue what the fuck is going on

So yes. Two Vanitases bc we can’t get enough of this boy. Two of them

#og #two Vanitases theory #Vanitas kh #kingdom hearts #kh #kingdom hearts theory #kh3 #kh bbs #kh ddd #kingdom hearts 3 #kingdom hearts birth by sleep #kingdom hearts dream drop distance #asks #thanks you for the interest I hope this is good and cool and worth it and makes sense

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buddieisgoingcanon2024 · 9 days

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I hope this doesn’t come across negatively but probably more realistic with a lot of hope, but I don’t think we’ll get too many more hints of buddie this season.

Also buckle up fellow buddies as this is a long post!!

I think some of the scenes where Tommy says Chris loved Buck and that he’d never come between them alongside dialogue about ‘jumping ship’ and Eddie wanting to scrap relationships and ‘hang with the boys’ are supposed to keep the coming out arc Buck centric whilst also leaving Easter eggs for future buddie.

However I think there are a few things that will mean we won’t see much progress until maybe even the second half of season 8:

1. Whilst as a queer person I hate to say this, I do see execs saying no to two characters who to the GA have only been straight presenting so far coming out as queer being an issue at least to do so close together. However, I fully think the show has backed itself into a corner and see it being endgame but definitely not this season or early next.

2. I think the catholic guilt story line is the perfect way for Tim to keep an Eddie coming out story alive in the background. I can see them keeping Eddie single while playing out that arc on things outside of his sexuality until they get a go ahead. (I do also think they might do a Demi sexual and asexuality spectrum sort of thing for Eddie which could be cool as they’ve only had him canonically sleep with 2/3 women and so could pull off a story line where Eddie hadn’t realised his feelings for Buck because he doesn’t understand his own sexual attraction and romantic attraction)

3. Realistically Lou is likely to have less and less time available for 911, I also don’t think they’ve introduced him with enough back story (plus glossing over the not so nice bits which means they can’t even bring that back up) to be more than the usual LI. I also do think it would be great to see his and bucks relationship play out and end amicably to really cement a change in Buck. I think they’re setting him up for Buck to learn a lot from him and I think it 100% fits Buck’s character for him to not be endgame with the first man he dates.

4. I think they’ve dug themselves a hole and buddie is the only way out. Tim admitted that he felt Buck was stuck in a hamster wheel and this arc was part of his way out. I would argue that Eddie’s character is getting there too. He tries a relationship, it fails (for honestly such stupid reasons lol) and then he has this whole ‘are romantic relationships even worth it’ attitude for seasons at a time.

5. Almost all long term arcs seem like they’re going to be ending this season. Henren adopting, Madney getting married, Bibuck finally no longer stuck on a hamster reel. I can see them making someone like Ravi a main (to and then starting buddie as a long term arc next year.

I’m so glad we got bi buck but let’s be honest, the hints for some sort of sexuality arc for Eddie have been way stronger. Lou already said that the original arc was for Eddie which shows that they think they’ve left enough easter eggs for it to make complete sense. They could have stuck Buck with a woman as endgame and denied all bisexual hints and the GA would’ve bought it because Buck always chases relationships. But I think they’d really struggle to do the same for Eddie.

That was a great long ask. Thanks anon. Those are awesome points you’ve made as well.

#buddie #oliver stark #ryan guzman #eddie diaz #evan buck buckley #911 on abc

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snowyh2o · 3 months

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Thoughts on the final battle on Hazbin Hotel, spoilers below!

So I’ve seen a few people wondering A) why was Alastor the one who was in charge of taking care of Adam, and B) why didn’t he go full kaiju during his fight?

For the first question, if you’re like me and you were aware of the power levels between the denizens of Hell, then picking Alastor for the guy to fight against Adam who is probably stronger than everyone else in Hell aside from Charlie and Lucifer, will appear to be a weird choice or bad matchup. Obviously the dude’s powerful, strong enough that he alone took down dozens of angels in the few minutes he had his shield up. Strong enough that his shield lasted against the assault of those angels, and only went down when Adam himself stepped in.

But Adam is a being that should theoretically be on the same power level as Lilith, the first woman. And who’s boss is Sera, a seraphim or the literal top dog of Heaven’s hierarchy. Adam himself alludes to this, and mentions how a mortal soul could never beat him.

So why choose Alastor as the one to fight or occupy Adam? Why not Charlie who’s raw power should be on par with Adam?

Because they didn’t have any other choice. Charlie is not a fighter (she’s a lover lol). She grew up relatively sheltered and probably never had to or experience any real life at risk fights. She even has bodyguard goat dragons Razzle and Dazzle who are with her specifically to keep her safe. Yes, she has a lot of raw power, but none of the experience. There’s potential, but she doesn’t know how to use it. Charlie doesn’t really know how to fight, and it shows during the battle, where she’s primarily using a shield to fend off attacks (apologizing about it) and using fireworks as her own form of attack.

So their next best bet is Alastor, who is the second strongest in pure power of the people at the hotel, but also someone who’s actually experienced in fights.

Now, why didn’t Alastor go big kaiju demon form during his fight with Adam?

Because Alastor knows he probably can’t take too many hits from Adam, and turning into a big monster means making himself a bigger easier to hit target.

If you watch him fight during this scene, Alastor only manages to stay ahead by not getting hit. Adam is free to block everything Alastor sends his way, but Alastor spends the majority of the battle dodging all of Adam’s attacks. And Alastor taunts Adam the entire time, getting him riled up, which should in theory make Adam’s attacks easier to dodge as he gets more emotional. It’s only when he gets cocky and enters his demon form does he end up getting hit (and also when Adam throws a holy beam at him). And the moment he gets hit he’s out of the game.

I’ve also seen a lot of people say that Alastor would’ve won with an angelic weapon, but something about the actual fight makes me think that Alastor was only meant to keep Adam preoccupied, and that they weren’t expecting him to actually be able to beat Adam in a fight. Most of Alastor’s attacks are designed to annoy Adam and keep his attention on Alastor. The cheeky shadow punch, the piles of demon minions crawling over Adam’s body, the way Alastor keeps mocking and taunting Adam during the fight. If Alastor had an actual weapon that Adam knew could hurt/kill him, I don’t think the angel would’ve let the fight drag out so much. Adam does in fact instantly vaporize Sir Pentious’s ship when he sees it firing up the death beam, and comments on how that could’ve been ugly right afterwards. So he’s not above vaporizing things he finds actually threatening. A single mortal soul who thinks he can take on the first man? That’s just entertainment.

I think the original plan was to have Alastor deploy the shield and limit the number of angels they needed to fight, and if Adam got involved, have Alastor keep him occupied until the number of angels thinned out enough that Adam would be forced to call a retreat, or otherwise until they can come and back Alastor up in the fight. And I think it could’ve worked, if Alastor didn’t get cocky and let his guard down :P

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #episode 8 spoilers #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor vs adam fight #also Alastor’s little yell #when he gets hit by Adam’s guitar #is very silly #because the moment after he drops the filter and accent #he gets hit #and lets out the most accented filtered ahhhhhhhh! there is

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sarucane · 6 months

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OFMD Spiral Parallels 39: Wearing Fine Things Well

Intro: What I love most about how season 2 builds on season 1 of OFMD is the spiral narrative structure. Ground is repeatedly and explicitly re-trod from season 1 to season 2, but in season 2 everything goes deeper than season 1. Meanings are shuffled, emotions are stronger and truer, and transformation is showcased above everything. The first season plucks certain notes, then the second season plucks the same ones--but louder, and then it weaves them together to create a symphony.

---

These are two scenes that are really, really direct parallels, right down to the staging, music, dialogue, and colors. That's lovely stuff you can get from the various gifsets and videos around tumblr, so I want to talk about the way these two scenes parallel and spiral deeper into the character's emotions. Because both scenes actually highlight the same character dynamic: the biggest obstacle to these guys' relationship is themselves, and how often they are just not in the same emotional place. In the first scene, that results in wistfulness, a lost opportunity to reach for more. But in the second scene, that results in hopefulness, a starting point for reaching something that both men agree they want.

In the first scene, Ed and Stede meet to talk about what happened at the party that day. Ed is feeling crappy and disillusioned. He tried something he'd idealized for a long time, and it went badly. He feels like he failed a test, and at the same time that somehow the test failed him.

But Stede repeatedly reinforces what, to him, is obvious: Ed's perfectly worthy of care, and not having done well in the aristocratic world doesn't reflect on him in any way.

Then the scenes move to something Ed's holding. In the first scene, Ed's shy and almost cruel to himself, calling this important memento "a tatty old thing," pretending to himself and to Stede that it doesn't matter as much as it does.

In the second scene, Ed has also just emerged from an unfamiliar situation. He's been fishing for the first time--and more than that, he's actually had a serious and open conversation with Fang for the first time in decades. Ed has started understanding something beyond being "not a good person" today: he started to get that the real problem was he "wasn't a good guy."

That day ends with Ed meeting Fang's challenge and catching this fish. In the first scene, Ed just begun to understand what the shape of his life won't be going forward; in the second, he's understanding what it will be.

In the second scene, Ed is the opposite of shy about what he's holding. It's a tiny fish, but it means a lot to him--and he's comfortable enough with Stede to communicate the full emotional importance of this (perfectly respectable if rather small) fish.

And then we get to the romance zone. In the first scene, Stede--high on his success overthrowing the rich assholes, and responding to Ed's clear sadness--is the one who initiates this, probably without realizing it.

In the second season, Ed moves into the romance zone, first by complimenting Stede's shirt, then by directly referencing the moment their relationship really shifted. Back in the first season, Stede did this pretty much unconsciously (which makes it, if anything, more charming: he doesn't want something from Ed, he's expressing what he really thinks about Ed)...

In the second season, Ed does this as a signal. He was the hurt party in their breakup, so Stede doesn't move back into romantic territory until Ed signals he's ready. And this is where it gets to the scenes somehow hit exactly the same notes, while also meaning completely different things, the first season entering an emotional holding pattern while the second season dives deep into seriousness, though alao ending with a holding pattern.

In the first season, Ed totally steps in for a kiss here, and then sees Stede open his mouth to say something, and goes "oh shit wrong reading," and draws back.

And while I want to scream "you idiot" at Stede, at the same time they really do have different ideas of their relationship here, and the only real way to resolve something like that is to talk about it, which both are too shy and insecure to do at this stage.

In the second scene, again a kiss is cut off. But while in the first scene this was a sign of missed connection, in this scene it's actually a step towards a deeper connection. Because the next thing Ed does is talk.

In the first scene, they're too nervous and insecure with each other to talk to each other about what they want. But in the second scene, both Ed and Stede are able to express themselves. And in a fantastic display of character development, Ed actually plows right past Stede saying bullshit like "Yeah" and "I know," the kind of pleasantries they exchanged in season 1.

In the first scene, Stede and Ed muttered at each other and low-key panic, both rocketing from completely comfortable to deeply nervous, unclear on what the other person or they, themselves, wants.

In the second scene, they actually talk. There's still a lot that's amorphous here to both of them, but they're not plowing through or running away. Relationships deepen when conversations are at their most awkward and vulnerable, just like this.

In the first scene, Ed is more disappointed than Stede that they didn't kiss. He internalizes his feelings, his body language moving inwards once his back is to Stede. He doesn't feel safe enough to express that he's interested in Stede at all, let alone create a situation where he'll feel safe within a relationship.

In the second season, Stede is also disappointed that they didn't kiss more here (dude's been keeping half the crew awake with moans of "oh Ed," god knows he's gone from shy and confused to thirsty af). But-- while he at first tries to skim over the incident, just like last time--when Ed explains what he's thinking Stede understands. Because while the cut off kiss of the first season was him and Ed avoiding advancing their relationship, this cut off kiss actually deepens that relationship. Ed doesn't want to rush into anything with Stede right now because he wants to be with Stede, and for the long haul.

And so, healthy boundaries in place, they can both relax with each other.

The first scene may not have been when they first kissed, but it was the true starting point of their adolescent first season romance. They both left the conversation knowing there was something there, between them, even if they didn't know what. The scene ends on a note of pure angst and tension.

But the second ends with comfortable joy. It's also the beginning of a new phase of their relationship--but this time it's not a couple of idiots stumbling around in the dark. It's the beginning of a grown-up romantic partnership.

#ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd #ofmd s2 #our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #ofmd meta #ed teach #stede bonnet #blackbonnet #these boys are so dumb the first time #and so smart the second

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shutupineedtothink · 6 months

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I finally landed on a Siuan theory/analysis re: 2x07! And it works prettyyyy good if I do say so myself. At the least it’s plausible. Probably. No book spoilers because I haven’t read the books, this is a show only theory. Read on at your own risk!

Background: So, at first I was on board the “Moiraine and Siuan planned this whole thing daes dae’mar blah blah blah” train. Mostly in my emotional turmoil after watching the episode initially. But, I was forced to dismiss that pretty quickly in light of some of Siuan’s lines, namely “That boy must not leave this city.” And “You lied to me.” She has to believe both of those things are truths to say them, so her somehow being secretly on Moiraine’s side still and them having conjured up some plan together doesn’t match up with either of those lines. Sadly. So that’s pretty much out. If this ends up actually being the case, I look forward to how they explain themselves out of it.

Second theory is of course that it’s playing exactly as we’re seeing it, which ultimately does work and when I can take the emotional dagger to my heart out of it, is objectively really excellent storytelling and character work. These are two women, trying to do the right thing, trying to save the world, and their love is sacrificed at the altar of duty. Duty over love is a theme that’s absolutely pounded into us with many characters, so it makes sense. (As Lan points out to Rand also in this episode, “you were born to protect this whole world, not just the people you love.” That’s kinda where Siuan and Moiraine are at too.) Plus I love the idea that Siuan comes face to face with the very real if unfathomable possibility that Moiraine has been turned to the dark based on her actions and general cageyness for the last six months, and that’s really what motivates every choice Siuan makes, up to and including invoking the oath rod. Really great stuff, brilliant subtext, two thumbs up.

However. There is a third option. *rubs hands together gleefully*

I heard some people saying Siuan could be under Compulsion, which definitely piqued my interest, because we’ve had those breadcrumbs dropped earlier in the season already and it would be nice foreshadowing for this. But most of the conversation I’ve seen seems to be around Liandrin being the one to do it. Probably because we’ve alluded to that already this season, so we know she is capable and has done it before. A tool in her dark friend toolkit, if you will.

But Liandrin being behind it never sat quite right with me either. Compelling Sheriam to change some logbook is one thing, but controlling the Amyrlin seat, for hours if not days to make this happen, is quite another. Idk what kind of strength Compulsion requires, but I bet it’s not nothing. And as powerful as Liandrin is, I don’t think she’s stronger than Siuan Sanche, or would be able to pull one over on her fast enough to make this happen. Plus, Liandrin is off doing other shit in this episode. If she was really implicated I feel like she’d be at least lurking around the other Aes Sedai. Maybe I’m wrong… but I don’t think I am lol.

So, who does have the power to do this? Who else has the means, motive, and opportunity to make this happen? There’s really only one other person.

The other scene stealer of 2x07, ya girl Lanfear.

There’s several bits of dialogue in this episode that back this theory up, both Compulsion in general and Lanfear being behind it, so let’s run from the top.

First, some general evidence that Compulsion might be happening.

Rand and Siuan meet, Rand gives his cute little introduction, Lan has prepared you I see, what else has he told you about me? Then Rand gives this line:

“That you’re not exactly what you seem.”

Interesting choice of words, writers— I mean Rand. He could have said a lot of things there, even directly repeating some of what Lan told him about Siuan, but no. And if you’re already thinking Compulsion, that’s a pretty strong nudge from the writers to PAY ATTENTION to Siuan Sanche, because maybe what she’s doing is not what it seems, even the person she IS in that moment is not what it seems. (Even if the surface level read totally makes sense and still works thematically!) This also wouldn’t be the first time that the writers seem to use the characters to say something/poke fun that’s more directed at us than the actual plot. So I definitely wouldn’t put it past ‘em.

Second, and this is kind of a throw away, but when Moiraine and Lan come in later, Lan says “this isn’t what we agreed to.” This is pretty easy to explain away, but I think it’s still notable that Lan and Siuan had some kind of conversation earlier, perhaps on their way to Cairhien, about what they were going to do in regards to Moiraine and/or Rand. And at that point Siuan at least implied that she was going to help Moiraine and Rand, not cage him. Again, pretty easy to sidestep with aes sedai truth-lies/evasions, but it’s also possible at that point she actually had no intention to cage Rand. Because she wasn’t under Compulsion yet.

Alright, still going in chronological order here, so now we’re getting into some Lanfear-did-it specifics. And I do love-hate this one.

Moiraine and Siuan are arguing over what to do about Rand, then this:

Siuan: “Can you imagine, Moiraine, if one of the forsaken got their hands on him?”

Can YOU imagine, how absolutely giddy it would make Lanfear to make her say this, to Moiraine’s FACE, knowing full well she’s got her hands all over Rand and then some? Come on, son.

Ok jokes aside, here’s the kicker.

Rand and Moiraine in the cell in the sun palace, Rand meets Lanfear in the dream world, Rand goes up to her and says “I’m in a cell, the Amyrlin’s holding me.”

And Lanfear says, so smug, “I know.”

Um, girl? You know?? HOW do you know exactly? I definitely dismissed this on the first couple watches as oh, Lanfear just knows things, but like, no. The Forsaken aren’t omniscient. Now, could she be teleporting herself here and there and spying on everything that’s going on and that’s why she knows? Sure. But that’s boring and I’m on a roll here so let’s keep going.

She knows, not just that Rand is in a cell but specifically that it’s the Amyrlin that’s holding him there, because she herself Compelled (Compulsed?) Siuan to do so.

Ok so motive. Why would Lanfear do this, why spend the effort?

1. It's definitely fun for her. 2. She sets up this scenario where she gets to “save” Rand from the big bad aes sedai, he has no choice but to ask her for help, she LITERALLY shows up in her white knight in shining armor outfit, and she ultimately hopes this helps convince him she actually cares about him and wins him over to her side. (As she tries to tell him in the finale, I’m the only one who cares about YOU, not just what you can do. Mhm sure girl.) And 3. She gets to actively pit the rest of the aes sedai against Moiraine, who she absolutely hates.

And in doing all of this SHE MIGHT NOT EVEN HAVE KNOWN about Moiraine and Siuan! That's just icing on the fucking cake! It works either way, because if she did know by forcing Siuan to tell her about their mission and she somehow gets Siuan to admit she loves Moiraine (however that interrogation goes, idk the specifics of compulsion but the show writers are playing fast and loose with the rules anyway), well now it’s game on baby because Lanfear will absolutely be using that info to wreck both of them. If she didn’t know, and her whole motivation is the first three reasons above, then she definitely finds out at the end of 2x07, because she was definitely lurking around the corner listening to that whole exchange between them and it made her fucking night.

And finally, there’s Lanfear’s last line of the episode (I think): “Lucky for you, a broken Amyrlin is more useful to me than a dead one.” Double meaning alert! Siuan is literally lying broken on the ground in that moment, but maybe she was already “broken” well before that, being under Lanfear’s control. (And there’s your Egwene/damane parallel too, damn.) And therefore Lanfear knows exactly how she’ll be “useful” to her.

This whole strategy by Lanfear could also be forecasted from a couple episodes back, when she asks Ishamael why he didn’t just kill Moiraine at the Eye. He basically tells her the same thing, that Moiraine (I believe he uses the words “aes sedai” specifically) is more useful to him alive than dead. So mayyyybe that gave her this idea to manipulate an aes sedai for her purposes, except while Ishamael is playing the long game, she goes full tilt and mind controls the fucking amyrlin seat.

On Siuan’s side of things, every bit of dialogue she has/action she takes makes sense under the assumption that Lanfear is influencing her, because she would “believe” everything she’s doing. Now I don’t know exactly how Compulsion works (in case you couldn’t tell), if it’s like someone else actually making you believe/do things you wouldn’t normally do, or if it’s more of a you’re trapped in your own head and not in control of your body sort of situation, but it works either way. And boy let me tell you, if this theory is correct, that makes Sophie Okenedo’s performance even more impressive than it already is, because it really works either way: Siuan is genuinely doing what she believes is right for the fate of the world and has her stone cold face on to do it (until the very end) OR her “real” expressions/feelings are mostly being masked/faked by the Compulsion and what she’s being forced to do by Lanfear. It tracks! Either way! Insane!!

The other big reason I think this theory works is because of what we find out in the finale — we learn from her conversations with Bayle Domon and Ishamael that Lanfear has been pulling the strings to make this whole season happen all along. (Cue It Was Lanfear All Along music lol). She sold the bits of cuendillar (although I don’t really get why… just for the money?), she seduced Rand, she played Ishamael, all of it. So why not this too? Why not control the Amyrlin seat, if she has the capability and means to do so, especially if she means to take Ishamael off the board and sort of become the de facto leader/strongest of the forsaken. Not really their leader, I know, but it’s a good power play for her is what I’m saying.

Finally, I think this could put us in a REALLY fun place for season 3, with stuff happening at the tower. We could have scenes with Lanfear, Siuan, and Liandrin. We could have Siuan acting increasingly more malevolent or just off somehow, and while most sisters are going with it, Alanna or Leane maybe starts to get suspicious (more Leane please!). We could have Moiraine send the wonder girls back to the tower, ostensibly to continue their training but also because she needs informants to know what Siuan is planning now (which kills her obvs), and because I would love to see them Scooby doo their way through some shit, the three of them figure out what’s going on and somehow (with Alanna’s help?) free Siuan from the Compulsion. Idk but it could be so much fun you guys.

Or, I could be totally wrong. Maybe this is totally not how Compulsion works. I don’t mind either way. This was a super fun thought experiment. But man, if this theory is in any way correct, this will be some of the most twisty TV/dialogue writing I’ve seen in a minute. And, you know, I’m trying to make fishwives happen here! Cmon!

Shout out to the Post Show Recaps podcast deep dive of 2x07 for questioning how Lanfear knew that Siuan had Rand captured and finally clicking this all into place for me. If you’ve got any other pulls from the episode or the season in general that back this theory up, please share in the comments!

#seriously rewatch the episode with this in mind the pieces just fall into place #the drama of it all!#wheel of time #the wheel of time #wot #wot season 2 #wot 2x07 #wheel of time 2x07 #siuan sanche #siuanraine #fishwives #lanfear #the absolute euphoria I will feel if this ends up being correct #only 2 years to find out

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myreia · 4 months

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It has been an age since I’ve done one of these! So I’m just making up my own thing.

This is the first year I’ve written fanfic since 2019. It’s been really nice returning to something fun and low stakes that doesn’t have the same pressures as my original fiction. Writing for myself is something I lost over the last few years and it’s been so nice getting that back. There’s something really powerful about having your own little blorbo just for yourself and pursuing the things that speak to you.

All of my fanfic this year was FFXIV related and it was so nice sinking into a new world and rummaging around. I love that I get to know Aureia better the more I write her, and her journey is very near and dear to my heart. I haven’t finished anywhere near to all the stories I want to write about her, but she is very clear in my head Aureia’s been through hell, but she’s also my favourite blorbo so I’m not going to apologize for making her suffer.

Overview

Fandoms: 1

Total Fics: 10

Fics Published: 9

Fics Unpublished: 1

Words: 103,788

Highlights

✦ Divergence of the Heart

Rating: Explicit

This is probably my favourite fic I’ve written this year, if not my favourite fic I’ve ever written. I started it in February of this year and finished it in December. It was the multipart that just kept growing. It was supposed to be two chapters, then three, then four, then five, then seven—by the time I wrapped everything up the way I wanted to, it had landed on eleven.

Aureia’s relationships with Aymeric and Thancred have eaten away at my brain for most of this year. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, but one of Thancred’s lines in the Heavensward patches fuelled and idea and now I’m here all these months later fully invested in a love triangle that has been way too much fun to write. This fic was an opportunity to explore asexuality in a particular light, so there’s a lot of myself in here. The writing in later chapters is some of the most vulnerable I’ve allowed myself to be lately and I’m very proud of how everything has come together.

I also think “No Greater Calamity Than the WoL’s Love Life” is an excellent use of the AO3 tags and I endeavour to use it more.

✦ Bound by Faith

Rating: Explicit

I love this fic with all my heart. It’s my second favourite thing I’ve written this year and would have been my favourite if I hadn’t finished Divergence of the Heart. I am very enamoured with late game Aureia and Thancred—how much they’ve been through and how many times their relationship has been reset. I like writing them as a little older, a little more mature, a little more grounded. They’ve both been through shit and come out stronger for it, and I needed the get the moment where they are finally together out of my system.

Also writing Thancred and Urianger banter is extremely fun and one of the most enjoyable things about putting this fic together.

✦ To Ash and Ember

Rating: Mature

Listen. I had an unexplainable feral compulsion to write Aureia’s fight with Lahabrea. It wasn’t going to leave me alone until I did. I think this fic set the tone for so much of her characterization and development; this moment—both in the fic and in-game—was character defining and it’s where everything came together.

✦ A Question of Desire

Rating: Explicit

This started as a prompt and then turned into my first FFXIV smut fic. It had been a while since I had written erotica, and it was nice to visit that kind of scene with Aureia and Aymeric. Their dynamic is very soft and sweet (especially in the time period of the late Heavensward patches), and I’m very pleased with how the second part came out—especially with the hint that not everything is all right with their relationship. There are cracks, they just can’t see it yet.

✦ Bitter Frost

Rating: Teen

The transition from ARR into Heavensward is one of the most powerful moments in FFXIV for me, partially due to the attachment Aureia (and me) had to Ul’dah. This fic was a scene in my head almost immediately after playing it. I wanted to spend some time when she was at an absolute low, and develop a bit of her relationship with Alphinaud—and experiment with some ways that black mages may attempt to fend off the cold, because why not. Let a magic girl be magic.

✦ Far from Happenstance

Rating: General

I like this one! I think it was fun revisiting the very early moments of the Ul’dah questlines from Aureia’s perspective. I had a better handle on her voice here; I hadn’t entirely figured out her backstory at this point (she was keeping it a secret from me), but she started to feel like a fully-fleshed out person here.

✦ Sand and Stone

Rating: General

This was my first FFXIV fic! I wrote it shortly after finishing base ARR and I was madly rotating the final fight with Lahabrea in my head (I’ve been ruined by the Worst Ascian since that cutscene and it doesn’t even make sense!! Am I mad (affectionately) about this? YES, OF COURSE I AM. Could have chosen literally any other villain but no, this is where I had to peak.).

This fic established some repeat themes for Aureia, namely her close association with fire and the burns on her back, as well as her close friendship with Thancred and his nickname for her (Aureia was not a fleshed out character until she was Aur, nicknames really do something for me, apparently).

✦ Untitled Post 5.3. Fic

I haven’t published this one yet since I ran out of time to finish it (trying to finish another multipart in the last two weeks of December was not something I needed to add to my plate). But I am excited to work on fics set after Aureia and Thancred get married and dig a little bit deeper into how their relationship changes through marriage. There are still difficulties to be overcome, ways that they test and support each other. I really enjoy writing established relationships, so it’s fun to poke at the evolution of everything that has come before.

A little excerpt since it's not finished yet:

“No,” he murmurs. “I know what you’re doing—and I love you for it, never think that I don’t—but no. In this case… it does not help.” She nods, swallowing the lump in her throat, and exhales a shaky breath. A dozen thoughts rest on the tip of her tongue, a dozen questions she wishes to ask, but she holds herself back. It’s not what he needs right now. “One hundred and eleven,” Thancred says. “That is how many steps it takes to climb the battlements.” She presses her lips together and turns her back on the aetheryte plaza, leaning against the parapet as she gives him her full attention. He glances at her, staring at her through the curtain of hair, and his throat bobs. “I never knew that until today,” he continues. “In all our years here, all the times I have walked these battlements, not once did it occur to me to count the bloody steps. Not once did I imagine a future where it would be a near impossibility to reach them.” His gaze flickers to the aetheryte. “Not my first time being a fool, I suppose. I took my aether for granted once too.” “It’s not an impossibility,” she says firmly. “You dragged yourself up here—” “And I can barely stand. All my efforts and I have nothing to show for it save the reminder that I am…” He trails off, tempering his frustration before he says something he regrets out of spite. “Krile will give me a tongue-lashing for this, I know it. She will say I am pushing too hard. That I am being unkind to myself.” “And maybe you are.” “How can I not? If I must be sequestered off in a dark room and sit on my hands while the others return to their regular duties I will—well. I will…” “What?” He makes a face. “I would say ‘eat Urianger’s hood’, but he’s not exceptionally fond of those anymore, now is he?”

#ffxiv #ffxiv fic #ffxiv fanfiction #fanfic wrapped #ao3 wrapped #aureia malathar #writing tag

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rewrittenwrongs · 27 days

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Vaguely dead (I kept you alive)

Rating: general

Warnings: offscreen gun violence, blood and injury, (probably) medical in accuracies

Wordcount: 3875

Characters: Nico di Angelo, Jason Todd

Summary: He tries to listen, reaching out with his powers and trying to catch the feeling of a dying soul. His instincts make him bank sharply back to the mouth of an alley he just passed—why does this city have so many alleys—and he rounds the corner just in time to see a body slam into a pile of wooden crates.

Nico flinches at the crash of wood splintering—the feeling of death just got a whole lot stronger. It takes him a second to realise the stranger just fell off a roof. It takes him another to remember a group of people are yelling and chasing after them, both on the ground and across rooftops. What with all the gunshots and threats their intentions aren’t hard to guess.

Dammit. He was going to have to actually do something, rather than just point whoever it was to the nearest hospital (not that he knew where that was). Ugh.

Or: The first thing Nico does in the morning is find some guy bleeding out in an alley. The first thing Red Hood does is get shot.

Ao3 link (registered users only): https://archiveofourown.org/works/54802189

I might write more of this in the future, but for now it’s a oneshot. I did try to write another scene from Jason’s POV but the words weren’t wording, and after almost a month of it sitting untouched I decided to just post it like this.

The first thing Nico does in the morning is find some guy bleeding out in an alley.

You might expect the first thing he does to be something reasonable, like wake up or get out of bed, have a shower or brush his teeth. The reason it isn’t any of those is because Nico didn’t go to bed or to sleep in the first place. He’s been too busy wandering around this city he’s found himself in—‘Gotham’ if his memory serves him—and acquainting himself with the local shades. There’s a worrying amount of them, to the point that he’s claimed a more or less abandoned graveyard as a temporary home, just so he had somewhere to sleep between dismissing countless souls to the underworld.

He was about to go back to that graveyard now that he’s realised how late—early—it is when he hears gunshots. Worryingly enough, that alone is quite normal for Gotham, but what truly concerns him is how close they sound. Well, that and the state of his eardrums. He didn’t realise firearms were so loud.

Nico watches the sky as he ducks into the shadows, curling them around him. He’s seen numerous figures jumping across the rooftops during his time in this city, vigilantes and heroes chasing burglars and drug dealers across the skyline. He’s about to make a guess as to the cause of the gunshots when something tugs on his powers.

Ten minutes ago this wouldn’t have been concerning. He would’ve dismissed the otherworldly tug in his gut as a distressed ghost. But the gunshots… concerned him, let’s say. One side effect of his ability to sense the dead is that he also sensed people who were dying.

So. Closing his eyes he focused on the feeling, ignoring the shadows trying to leach into his limbs, and tried to map it out. It was a few streets down and moving fast, vaguely in Nico’s direction. It didn’t feel like a shade or a lemure, even a revenant, or a ker, or an animated skeleton or corpse. It wasn’t as strong as a demon or devil but there was a similar sense of… not quite evil, maybe chaos? The soul felt corrupted somehow. It wasn’t vague and shadowy and intangible the way a monster was, but beneath the haze of not-quite-death Nico could just barely pin-point a wrongness clinging to it like a second skin. It felt like it was almost dead, not a creature of the dead, but like it’s spent more than its fair share of time dealing with the underworld.

It was probably someone dying. A cursed someone dying.

Nico wasn’t one to busy himself with the affairs of strangers if he could avoid it, especially when he’s already exhausted from dismissing shades. But the tug on his powers unnerved him. It felt real and dangerous, like it was important he help whoever this was. There was also a certain feeling of curiosity as to why a human’s soul could feel so out of place, maybe helping whoever they were would give him answers.

(Part of him was very aware that most people at Camp Half-blood would expect him to ignore whoever was dying. There was a bit of satisfaction in proving them wrong, even if they’d never know.)

Nico breaks into a sprint, flying down alleys and trying to follow the sensation like a deadly game of hot and cold. It’s moving fast, slippery and faint, and seemed to be coming from above him? Not directly above him, it was still a street or two out, but the soul was definitely on or around the rooftops.

The gunshots were getting louder. His ears were ringing, but he’s still able to parse out people shouting insults and threats. After a few more turns he also hears faint footsteps rapidly approaching. He tries to listen, reaching out with his powers and trying to catch the feeling of a dying soul. His instincts make him bank sharply back to the mouth of an alley he just passed—why does this city have so many alleys—and he rounds the corner just in time to see a body slam into a pile of wooden crates.

Dammit. He was going to have to actually do something, rather than just point whoever it was to the nearest hospital (not that he knew where that was). Ugh.

Nico ducked closer to the person, further annoyed to find them unconscious. They—he?—were wearing a black and grey body suit and a brown jacket, several knives and guns strapped to their—his person. He wore a vaguely familiar red mask that covered his head and had suffered significant damage. A pool of blood was slowly soaking through the clothes around his stomach.

The cloying feeling of death covered the person like a weighted blanket slowly suffocating him. The inherent wrongness simmering underneath was making it so much worse. It felt like an actual presence in the air, catching in Nico’s throat and making it a little difficult to breathe. He tried to ignore it, grabbing the strangers arm and taking hold of the shadows around them, until the darkness picked them up and deposited them inside the mausoleum Nico had taken residence in.

Nico feels the darkness sinking into him, laying a weight over his shoulders and giving his limbs pins and needles. When he tries to stand up a wave of lightheadedness pulls him back down. He takes a moment to breathe and look around, absently finding a bullet hole in the stranger’s bodysuit and applying pressure as best he can with a shadowy hand. They’re in the communal space Nico repurposed into a living room with a couch, coffee table and armchair from yard sales. There’s still a coffee mug on the table that he forgot yesterday. A book he borrowed from a library in Barcelona is abandoned on the floor.

The stranger is also lying on the floor, which Nico guessed wasn’t good for the floorboards if he was bleeding out. Speaking of which: Nico fumbled for a moment with the man’s jacket before managing to pull it off, dragged himself to his feet, then did his best to pick up the unconscious body. He feels like he might pass out, but he manages to get a good enough view of the stranger’s back. There’s no blood.

Great. The bullet is probably still inside. That’s likely better for the stranger’s overall health, and actually makes Nico’s job way easier, but he really doesn’t want to go rooting around in this person’s guts looking for a bullet.

He shoves the unconscious body onto the couch then leaves to search through his medicine cabinet. He returns a moment later with a suture kit, gauze pads, saline solution, bandages, tweezers and a celestial bronze dagger. He leaves his sword leaning against the armchair and washes his hands before getting to work.

He’s just started cutting away the material over the stranger’s torso when he catches sight of the bat silhouette splayed across his chest.

Nico is vaguely aware of the Justice League’s existence, but he barely knows anything about them. He knows one or two of them are aliens, and he’d probably recognise most of the names thanks to gossip around the camps, and he’s pretty sure Hades has mentioned a few of them once or twice. But still, it takes a long moment to recognise the red bat symbol across the stranger’s chest.

So he’s a vigilante. Good, Nico would prefer not to be helping some crime lord that was caught in the middle of setting an orphanage on fire or something. The guns are still off-putting. A few people at Camp Half-blood are obsessed with Batman, and they’ve made numerous jokes about how many vigilantes he works with and how he picks them up like strays and adopts them on the spot. He must not be picky about his children(?) running around with guns.

Concerning, maybe, but no worse than Hades, so Nico doesn’t feel qualified to judge.

It’s surprisingly hard to cut through Stranger’s suit. The material is thick and fights back against his dagger as if he’s trying to cut through metal. Nico’s pretty sure he nicks Stranger once or twice, but he sees no blood, so either he’s mortal or Nico’s knives are a lot duller than they should be.

Eventually he manages to hack away the fabric, and he realises he’s going to need more than just gauze to soak up all this blood. It’s dark enough that Nico’s pretty confident there aren’t any cut arteries. He fetches a towel to soak up the excess crimson, a black one, because he’s learned that lesson too many times to forget. He also grabs a battery lamp so he can actually see what he’s doing—this place doesn’t have electricity, and even if Gotham knew what the sun looked like the curtains are too thick to let light in, especially after midnight.

Now that Nico can see what he’s doing, he hesitates holding the tweezers over the wound. There’s too much flesh and blood in the way, he’ll have to hold the wound open with something to get a clear shot at the bullet, and he doesn’t own anything to do that with. Technically he could leave the bullet in and Stranger would be fine as long as he sewed it up, unless the bullet was lead or laced with poison, but having a bullet in your stomach sounds really inconvenient and it was best to remove it if he could.

A voice in the back of his mind wonders when he got used to seeing life threatening injuries.

Maybe he could use his powers? Even the thought makes bed sound so much more enticing, but if Nico is doing it at all he has to remove this bullet ASAP. It’s the best option at the moment, or at least the best one he can think of. So Nico breaths slow, deep breaths and reaches out in the way that doesn’t command skeletons but rather something else, searching thoroughly and slowly for a chunk of metal.

Every second makes his headache ten times worse. Every tug on his powers sets off another twinge of pain. Every forced exhale becomes shallower the way it only does when he’s concentrating. His fingers twitch and start to cramp, but he can feel the lump of metal lodged in Stranger’s abdomen, and begins tugging it back.

Stranger’s body gives a little jerk. His head turns against the couch cushions and his breath stutters. Nico pays him no mind, wrapping the godly parts of his soul around the bullet like a gentle whisper, and guides it ever so slowly out the way it came.

Nico’s nose starts dripping blood. He uses a clean corner of the towel to wipe it off, then stiffens as he becomes distinctly aware of eyes on him.

For a second he braces himself to jump up, to wrench his sword back to his side, to resign himself to what has to be the millionth fight for his life this past year—when he remembers he’s operating on a person who isn’t under anaesthesia and thus can wake up any time.

Nico glances at the unsettling whites of the broken and battered red mask, feels the distinct expression he’s being stared at either in confusion or wariness, and says “Don’t worry. Just a flesh wound.”

He doesn’t know why the first thing to come to mind is a movie he saw once in a hotel beyond the boundaries of time, but at this point he’s pretty sure the strain of his powers is making him a little loopy. It wouldn’t be the first time something similar happened. That was a waste of perfectly good Lucky Charms…

A tiny clink startles Nico, and he looks down the see the bullet resting neatly against his tweezers as if waiting to be picked up. He does so, and places the bullet and tweezers on the coffee table, trying not to vomit as even just turning around causes a wave of lightheadedness and nausea.

“Dick,” a quiet voice mutters, hoarse and slurred and with a distinctly mechanical edge.

Nico huffs at the stranger. “Rude.” His hands are made of shadow now, he can’t do anything but stare at them and will them to become tangible faster. As if that’s ever helped.

“Why’re you in’m saf’house?” Stranger slurs.

“I’m not, you’re in mine,” Nico tells him calmly. Safe house is an accurate description as any.

“…Blüdhaven?”

“Uh, sure.”

“…Mmkay. Don’t tell B I got shot.”

“I won’t.”

“Hm.”

Nico’s hands are a bit more tangible now, but not enough to have the precision required to clean or stitch such a deep wound. Actually, it’s not that deep, probably less than an inch. The clothes definitely slowed the bullet. He might have to get some of it for himself.

Stranger’s breath hitches painfully as he tries to say something else, and the sentence tapers off into a groan. His hand twitches like he means to gesture obnoxiously but can’t make the effort.

It’s bleeding too much. Nico’s current shadow levels will have to do.

He grabs a gauze pad and the saline solution, fingers shaking as they fight to stay intangible. He manages to soak the pad without dropping either items. He starts dabbing it against the wound before immediately abandoning it and grabbing the tweezers again. Using them to hold it proves much easier, and he starts cleaning the wound as quickly as he can, ignoring Strange’s pained groan.

“Hurts,” Stranger gasps, turning his head and tightening his hands into fists.

“I’m sorry. I don’t have painkillers”

“Thas dumb.”

“It is.”

Stranger huffs, then winces audibly. “…Can, can I sleep?”

“Go ahead.” Nico doubts he could stop him if he tried. He must be having a crazy adrenaline crash after the chase, not to mention a possible concussion from falling off a roof.

…He’ll have to check his head soon.

For now, Nico lets the stranger sleep, and focuses on the repetitive but nerve wracking task he’s forced upon himself.

By the time he finishes cleaning the wound his hands are much more solid. He manages to hold the needle forceps dextrously enough to begin sewing flesh back together. The needle shakes where his hands still fight against the material plane, but it’s a halfhearted fight at best, and he manages to weave the thread in and out without dropping or snapping it.

A while later—could be an hour, could be hour minutes—he tugs one last stitch into place, and swiftly slices the excess thread before his hands start cramping. His entire body droops from exhaustion, but now that he remembers concussions are a thing he has to check.

Ughhh. This sucks. Why does he have to get invested in the business of strangers so often? Stranger barely radiates ‘I’m about to die’ anymore. Can he just leave him like this?

Nico’s conscious, apparently, decides that no he cannot.

It takes an annoyingly long time to figure out how to take off the red mask, mostly due to how dented and cracked the frame is. In addition to cracking when he fell it looks like it’s been shot. He suspects Stranger might also have a cracked rib or three because of how much breathing seemed to hurt him when he was awake, but there isn’t much Nico can do about that. He focusses on the much more simple and realistic, but no less time consuming, task of taking off Stranger’s helmet.

Eventually, Nico succeeds, and he feels kind of bad. Stranger’s sure to fear for his secret identity once he wakes up, but Nico really needs to make sure the fall didn’t give him a concussion or fracture his skull. If it did he’ll need to bring him to a hospital, or at very least shadowtravel him to Will.

Much to Nico’s surprise, sliding off the cracked frame of his helmet reveals another mask. A cloth one around his eyes that doesn’t actually do much in the way of obscuring his features, especially since it leaves a startling streak of white hair visible above his forehead. Nico can count on one hand the number of people he knows with white hair streaks. Especially people so young, he only seems to be in his early twenties or late teens. What’s the point of wearing two masks at all if one of them leaves your most defining trait out in the open?

Whatever. It’s not his problem.

What is his problem is the mess of congealing blood coating both the helmet and Stranger’s forehead. There’s a sickening amount, enough to stick his hair in matted clumps to his scalp, some of it having dried and left red flakes sticking to his skin. There’s enough of it that it drips off the helmet onto the floor.

Nico carefully adjusts Stranger’s head to catch sight of the wound, annoyed to see it still bleeding sluggishly. Thankfully it’s blunt force trauma and not another bullet wound. He quickly presses the already soaked towel to the injury, a mostly feeble attempt to soak up the mess of crimson that’s going to be impossible to clean tomorrow—he’ll probably have to burn the couch cushions. The floorboards will never recover.

Combining the head trauma with the bullet wound Stranger’s lost at least a litre of blood. Will has said before that head wounds always look worse than they really are and bleed way more than you’d expect, so he still doesn’t know if Stranger has a concussion. Either way Nico’s going to have to close this injury fast if he doesn’t want to bring him to the hospital for a blood transfusion—which he really doesn’t.

He ends up flipping Stranger onto his stomach to get better access to the wound. He cleans it quickly, not bothering to tangle with the mess his hair has become. He’s both thankful and a little concerned when Stranger doesn’t show any reaction. Does that lessen or increase the probability of a concussion? He doesn’t know. Whatever, either way he needs to stop the bleeding.

Thankfully it is already quite slow. It probably stopped on its own and was jostled when Nico took off the helmet. He gets a little sloppy disinfecting the wound because of all the hair in the way, and he briefly considers shaving some of it before remembering he doesn’t own clippers.

Sewing the wound is even more tedious. It’s quite shallow to have spouted that much blood, but also larger than he would’ve liked. He has to wipe hair out of the way every other minute. Nico’s exhausted by the time he finally leans back and cuts the suture thread. He feels like a wire stretched too far.

He grabs another towel to clean up the blood. Some of it has dripped down Stranger’s face and neck and dried into his skin, which Nico wipes away with a wet wash cloth. He throws the suture kit back together halfhazardly and shoves it under the coffee table. He shifts Stranger onto his back again. He throws a blanket over him and leaves him a glass of water on the table. He makes a halfhearted attempt at cleaning the helmet, then gives up when he sees the mess of circuitry and sensors that line the inside.

The haze of death around Nico’s kidnappee has lessened considerably, it’s barely even noticeable unless he focuses, but he still finds himself hovering the same way Will did during those three days of torture, checking Stranger’s pulse and pressing the back of his hand to his forehead. There’s still something not-quite-alive-but-not-quite-dead about the stranger. Something otherworldly and strange and inherently wrong in a way that blares alarms in Nico’s head. His powers don’t seem to know quite what to do with him. It’s unnerving.

It almost scares him, if Nico’s honest. He shouldn’t be able to feel Stranger’s presence at all, which either means he’s indebted himself to a demon or devil, sold his soul to an underwordly entity, cracked his skull, or there’s some sort of poison lacing his bullet wound. Nico doesn’t know what to do if it’s either of the last options. He only knows basic first aid, he was mostly copying things he’s seen Will do, and without absolute certainty that this guy is a demigod he doesn’t want to risk ambrosia or nectar.

It’s actually quite dumb of him, in retrospect, to keep his medical knowledge limited to basic splints and crooked sutures. He certainly can’t rely on godly food every time he gets injured, and this is obvious proof of that. Though, he can’t be blamed for not expecting to come across some guy playing dress up bleeding out in an alley.

Whatever. He can do research tomorrow, maybe borrow some textbooks from that library. Actually, he probably won’t be able to shadow travel that far. Now that he’s stopped he can feel the exhaustion dragging him down like mud. It’s the kind of draining ache that tells him he’s overused his powers. Still, he doesn’t want this stranger to die.

There’s a trick Nico learned after the second Titan war, a sort of trigger he could set with his powers that would wake him up if his patient’s condition worsens. He first started doing it unconsciously, actually, back when everyone was dying or dead and he was in charge of organising their funeral rites. It’s pretty simple and doesn’t take a lot of energy, but it’s quite time consuming.

It takes an annoying amount of time and power to wrap his godly presence around the stranger, gently settling it around his injuries until he can feel his immortal side resting over him like a guardian Angel. He keeps his powers poised until they get the memo, sharpening his awareness and tuning him in to the slightest disturbance in Stranger’s soul.

Nico becomes all the more aware of the strangeness in it, and it almost reminds him of a zombie.

His arms are shadow past the wrists by the time he’s done. His feet are intangible almost to his ankles. He sits against the coffee table for at least five minutes waiting for them to go back to normal, fighting to keep his eyes open. When his limbs finally remember how to exist he retrieves a blanket and a protein bar, which he starts dejectedly gnawing on more for the sake of future-him than any actual hunger. It isn’t long before the shadows at the edges of his vision become too much to ignore.

He slumps into the armchair, still with flakes of blood clinging to his hands, and is unconscious before even tucking the blanket over himself.

#my writing #fan fiction #riordanverse fanfic #dc fanfic #batman fanfiction #oneshot #no art #Batman fanfic #nico di angelo #jason todd #red hood

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