#the secret garden cookbook

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HL Fic Library 🤣 Fics With Humor

Remember to leave kudos and a comment on the fics you enjoyed to show your appreciation! You can find the library's other recs here.

🤣 Just Me, You, And This Box of Matches by tomlinsunshine @tornlinsunshine​ (M, 87k)

Louis is fairly sure that his new neighbour is going to destroy him. And also their apartment building, and the dumpsters outside, and all the forests within a thirty mile radius. But. Mostly him.

🤣 Harry Styles Cooks… by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships​ (E, 61k+, wip)

In which Louis Tomlinson can’t cook, there’s a very special shower curtain, and Harry Styles used to be a baker.

Or: Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them.

🤣 Frankincense-ational by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup (T, 31k)

Harry Styles works at the Hillsyde Library with his friend Zayn and best mate Niall. It’s December, which means Christmas, which should be the happiest month of the year…

Except Niall just broke up with his boyfriend, Zayn needs to let up on the rules a little, and the library is getting their fire alarm system replaced, which means that for the next few weeks there are going to be firemen patrolling the library ‘looking for fires’ while the system is down.

Harry almost hits one of them with his car right off the bat - and of course he’s the hot one.

🤣 the butthole series by @kingsofeverything (E, 24k)

a series of standalone fics with a central theme

🤣 That's How I Know by @allwaswell16 (E, 19k)

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

🤣 Man, Deconstructed by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom (E, 13k)

Harry doesn’t need help getting laid and he certainly doesn’t need Niall to hire a professional to ‘sort him out’.

But when a gorgeous man turns up on his doorstep on his birthday to ‘lay some pipe’ in the back garden (who just happens to have the best arse Harry’s ever seen), his world is upended.

OR the one where a well-meaning best mate, a sculpture-worthy arse, and a heaping dose of misunderstanding combine to create sheer and utter chaos, and also, maybe, the best thing Harry’s ever found.

🤣 One Vote Can Rock the Boat by @2tiedships2 (M, 12k)

“Niall, I need you to come and vote with me tomorrow.”

“Lou, I know we’ve only been friends for about two years now, but I guess I’ve never explicitly told you I’m Irish?”

“You don’t have to vote, exactly,” Louis explained. “But I don’t want to go to a sex toy shop by myself.”

“Have I just entered an alternate universe? In what world does voting for the government correlate in any way to sex toys?”

Or the one where Omega Louis shows off his “I voted” sticker as one of the first 100 customers to get a free vibrator. The beautiful alpha behind the counter informs him that he’s customer 101.

🤣 autopilot by silkbombs (M, 11k)

Louis accidentally sends an unknown number a video of him giving a cockroach a funeral. The weirdest love story ensues.

🤣 Umbrielievable by nikogda / @cyphermedley (NR, 11k)

Three months ago they began to pick up a weak signal. They couldn’t decipher it and figured it was just a satellite they were picking up. Eventually, they were able to translate "Give us cheese" but the rest was still a mess. That message baffled them, and they immediately thought it may be a joke from another country.

Or, The one where Harry is an Alien from Uranus' moon, Umbriel whose inhabitants require cheese to survive.

🤣 Just Your Jinx by @larryatendoftheday (T, 10k)

Harry Styles may or may not have accidentally jinxed his extremely fit new neighbor, and it's not so easy to make things right.

🤣 For a day by bluegreenish / @greenblueish (T, 9k)

“While I appreciate that compliment - you’re right -, it’s not a prank. I swear. I tried calling Harry and Liam, but they aren’t picking up. And like, I don’t know what to do? I just woke up in Liam’s freaking body, and like, he’s a nice lad and everything, but I don’t want to be him?!”

Once again, tense silence fills the line for a second and Louis almost expects Zayn to hang up on him, but his friend speaks up again, voice urgent this time. 

“You’re serious?”

“One hundred percent. I swear.”

or, the one where Harry wakes up in Louis' body, Louis in Liam's, Liam in Niall's, Niall in Harry's and no one picked Zayn.

🤣 Only Been Here One Time by alienharry (NR, 9k)

“Good morning, Liam. Harry.” Louis nods at them both and then cocks his head. “Are you aware you have four nipples, Harry?”

Harry looks down at his chest, suddenly worried. He doesn’t know how many nipples humans have, but four must not be a usual amount. “Should I have six?”

“Not unless you’ve a litter of kittens to feed.”

The Alien!Harry fic I was destined to write 

🤣 Ain’t My Fault by @afirethatcannotdie (E, 7k)

“Liam, M4M is for sex! You posted in a sex forum about your missing jacket.”

“It is not for sex!”

“It is. Trust me.”

“Well, if it helps me find my jacket then I don’t really see why it matters. Besides, someone already texted me about it. This Styles guy’s coming over in a bit to get it.”

“You invited the avocado man to come get his jacket at our flat after posting on a sex forum. Do you see where this is going?”

“I really don’t.” 

“Someone is going to have to have sex with the avocado man!” Louis screeches, and Liam covers his ears.

AU. Liam posts an ad on the wrong section of Craigslist, Louis is pretty sure they’re gonna get murdered as a result, and Harry’s missing an avocado.

🤣 Porn To Be Wild by @fallinglikethis (E, 5k)

As Louis Tomlinson writes his One Direction fanfiction in a quiet, isolated corner of the local library, the last thing he expects is for the subject of his story to interrupt him in the middle of a sex scene. But that’s exactly what happens.

🤣 Absolute Beginners by @taggiecb (T, 5k)

Louis would like to think that Niall can't surprise him anymore. He never knows what his friend will come up with sometimes. But when he calls Louis in the middle of the night and asks him to come and hit on his friend, Louis can't help but let curiosity get the best of him.

🤣 Only Reason by @letsjustsee (NR, 5k)

“We are so lucky to have with us one of the leading experts on beekeeping in the modern age, Dr. Louis Draper.”No. No, no, no… “I know I speak for many of us when I say that this man’s books have guided our practice, or helped us get started,” Harry continued, and Louis watched as the crowd nodded their heads in agreement. Oh shit. No. What? No. But then Harry was gesturing towards him, saying “Dr. Draper?” into the microphone, the crowd was applauding, and Louis found himself walking up the stairs to the stage.

Or, Louis is most definitely smitten with Harry from the second he sees him, but he is also most definitely not the world's foremost expert on beekeeping. He decides to roll with it anyway.

🤣 Catastrophe (Or Not) by grapenight (G, 5k)

Based on the prompt: "Harry's a crazy cat person and Louis is the vet he keeps bringing his cats to with minor concerns like "she's been acting weird lately" and "he didn't poop today so I'm worried" but it's really just excuses to keep seeing Louis everyday"

🤣 Anywhere With You by sweetums / @darlou (T, 3k)

“Do you want some gum?” Louis’ lovely voice interrupts his train of thoughts.

“No, thank you.” Harry responds quickly.

What? ‘No, thank you’? What was he thinking? If Louis Tomlinson offers you gum, you take it. If Louis Tomlinson offers you a vial of vomit, you take it.

“On second thought, gum would be perfection.” Harry actually considers just dying right there as he reaches over to pry the piece of gum out of Louis’ perfect little hand, eyes flitting over to the other man’s amused face.

Why did he say that? He could’ve said, ‘I’ll have some gum’ or ‘gum would be great’ or even a simple ‘thanks’ but no, no, for Harry, ‘gum would be perfection’.

He loathes himself.

AU where Harry gets stuck in an ATM vestibule with Louis Tomlinson during a blackout. Inspired by Chandler and Jill Goodacre from Friends.

🤣 Oh Honey, Honey by @lululawrence (NR, 3k)

Louis hated honey. He didn’t like the flavour, he didn’t understand why some liked it in their tea, he hated when it was put on sandwiches or cake or anything really. But, standing stock still in front of a rather large display of honey in that 24-hour Tesco, Louis found himself grabbing the largest jar of “100% pure London-local honey” and adding it to his trolley, simply because he knew it would make Harry smile.

Louis always wanted to make Harry smile.

Or the one where Louis pines after Harry, Harry is passionate about helping save the bees, and a late night shopping trip gone wrong doesn't end quite as horribly as Louis imagines.

🤣 On the Go by @phdmama (T, 2k)

Prompt: ok so i saw a truck today and i thought it said MANSCAPE but it actually said MAINSCAPE and it was a landscaping company. but then i thought LARRY AU. where louis owns a landscaping company called MANSCAPE and harry thinks it’s some sort of in-home pubic hair grooming company, so he calls to make an appointment, there’s some discussion of whether he wants his bushes trimmed as well, and then when it’s time for the appointment, harry’s like half-naked waiting around in a robe or something and louis shows up with lawnmowers. 

🤣 Zoey by wabadabadaba / @bigxrig (G, 2k)

Harry knew his first name, but he liked the way Dr. Tomlinson sounded more. Harry watched as Louis unclasped her harness and set it aside and pet her back and under her chin. Louis kissed the top of her head and murmured sweet nothings to her- mostly about how pretty she is and how well behaved she is. Harry wished it was him.

or Harry has a huge crush on his cat's veterinarian and finally decides to do something about it.

🤣 Stole My Heart by @haztobegood (NR, 2k)

“Oh my god, Niall.” The door slams shut as Harry rushes into the flat. He’s still panting from his rush to get away from the scene of his crime. “You won’t believe what just happened!”

Niall is sitting on the couch in their tiny living room. He looks up from his laptop. “What happened?”

“The worst thing. I’ll never recover. I just reached into a box of free samples outside that new chicken restaurant. Only it wasn’t free samples. It was a man. Holding a box of chicken nuggets. His chicken nuggets. I stole this man’s food, Niall!”

#ficrec #hljournal #hlcreators #1dficvillage #trackinghappily #tracksintheam #trackinghome #hltracks #hlsource #1dsource #larryfanfiction #haztobegood #nikogda #wabadabadaba #phdmama #allwaswell16 #kingsofeverything #lululawrence #ladylondonderry #sweetums #grapenight #letsjustsee #taggiecb #fallinglikethis #afirethatcannotdie #silkbombs #alienharry #bluegreenish #larryatendoftheday #sunsetmog

[merakiui]

I blame you for making me think about Professor Ashengrotto. Now I bring you Professor Rosehearts.

Professor Rosehearts who has a favorite student and it’s so blatantly obvious <3 after class he’ll take you on his desk and kiss you so deeply all while rubbing your tummy fondly <3

Soon you’ll be having morning sickness and you’ll have no clue why! When your pregnancy test comes back positive you’ll go crying to Professor Rosehearts saying that you guys made a huge mistake and that you need to take care of this quickly so you can get back to your studies- but Professor Rosehearts stops you.

He says that he won’t let you go and that he wants you and this child, no matter how unexpected it was. You can unenroll quietly from the university and go to live with him in his manor in the countryside in secret <3 You won’t need your degree when he’s knocking you up every other year.

He’s so glad he switched your pills out with placebos, but you never need to know that.

ALWAYS RUBBING YOUR TUMMY!!!!! OTL and a manor in the countryside… wooooo,,,,, truly the dream life. He makes you his always-pregnant housewifey. No more student stresses for you! You don’t need to keep studying for your degree! Although if you insist, he won’t stop you. He’ll provide you with some textbooks on the material, but he would love it if you could read up on some cookbooks so that he can come home to delicious homemade meals and baked goods. <3 he can already imagine how lovely summer will be, where you’ll put pies out on the windowsill to cool while he tends to the strawberry garden, picking the ripest ones and offering one to you through the window. And the flowing spring dresses you’ll wear!!! If he isn’t fantasizing about you breastfeeding the adorable baby he’s created with you, then he’s thinking about you in a spring dress while he’s putting grades in, so very pleased to know he’s finally getting the life he’s always wanted with his favorite student.

Professor Rosehearts will take very good care of you and the baby (and all future babies you will have with him)! He wants to be the best father and husband in the world. You’ll let him because you have no choice. :)

#twisted chit chat #yandere twst #tw: student teacher relationship #tw: baby trapping #me fighting to stay above water before i’m dragged under: PROFESSOR *drowning noises* FLOYD HEAR ME OUT PROFESSOR *i am dragged below* #ACTUALLY professor jade with his shiny reputation and he has a criminal brother #but you won’t know that when floyd breaks into your apartment to kidnap you and bring you to jade hehe #*i’m dragged underwater for real this time*

[exhausted-archivist]

Tastes of Thedas Lore Blurbs

Here are all the recipe lore blurbs for Dragon Age: Official Cookbook: Tastes of Thedas. Putting them below the cut due to length, there are 72 recipe blurbs in total.

Starters and Refreshments

Eggs à la Val Foret

Ah, yes. Tons of cream! Exactly what I've come to expect from Orlesian cuisine. Do I have any tips for creating the perfect poached egg? Well, ever since I heard that Solas's bald head was once likened to an egg, I simply try to make my eggs just as round and shiny! So far, it's worked wonderfully and never ceases to put a smile on my face.

Nevarran Blood Orange Salad

Although I knew that Divine Victoria left behind a life of wealth and privilege to join the Seekers of Truth, it wasn't until I was in Nevarra, seeing exactly what she'd given up, that I truly gained an appreciation for the path she'd chosen. The best way to describe my first glimpse of the gardens of Nevarra is that it was like seeing a painting come to life. For a long moment, I could only stand there, so dazzled by the richness and vibrancy of it all that I was half-convinced I was actually still napping in the carriage. Surely, there was no way such beauty could be found outside of a dream. And yet the beauty before me was very much real.

So, too, was the picturesque tableau that arrived later that day on a plate: perfectly cut slices of blood orange artfully arranged on a lush pillow of bitter greens. Was this a meal or a still life, I wondered. In truth, the answer was both. For Nevarrans, food is as much a feast for the eyes as for the mouth. But even if your arrangement isn't quite worthy of being displayed in a museum, this salad will sing a symphony on your tastebuds.

Fried Young Giant Spiders

Just as people on the surface raise cows and goats, the dwarves underground raise spiders. Yes, to eat. The legs are fried and served with a sauce, which, true to dwarven fashion, is made with some type of alcohol. The precise kind depends on the establishment where you're eating your spider legs. Unfortunately, I couldn't get an exact recipe from any of the chefs I spoke to. These sauces are apparently closely guarded secrets and have spurred many a nefarious plot to acquire them - the competition to be crowned Orzammar's Best Sauce is fierce. But I've been assured that lichen ale is generally not used.

I've therefore come up with my own recipe, based on the many varieties I sampled while in Orzammar. Given that sourcing the requisite spider legs above ground is not nearly so easy, and the demand for such exports is minimal, I've substituted them with crab legs. It's not a perfect match, but it's close enough to satisfy me.

Stuffed Deep Mushrooms

Though the mushrooms growing underground in caves and in many parts of the Deep Roads are all called "deep mushrooms," there is no singular variety. In fact, there are several! Some mushrooms are squat, with broad, flat caps, while others are long and spindly, reaching toward the sky like an old man's gnarled fingers. They also have a multitude of applications, used in the creation of everything from restorative potions to deadly poisons. But in Orzammar, mushrooms are farmed for eating!

I was able to sample some of these dwarven delicacies, prized for their unique flavor and intoxicating scent. After only a few bites, I was struck with inspiration. How delicious would one of these mushrooms be when stuffed with cheese and spinach? The answer is: very. Rest assured that I selected this particular variety of deep mushroom not only for its shape, which is ideal for holding the maximum amount of cheese (and spinach), but also for the fact that it does not carry the darkspawn taint. While certain dwarves will insist that a deep mushroom's proximity to lyrium and darkspawn can only improve its flavor, I am quite content to leave that particular question a mystery, especially where lyrium is concerned. Although I'm hardly an expert on the stuff, I can't help but think about Fenris and how much suffering he endured as a result of his lyrium-infused markings. It seems to me that, barring any natural resistance, lyrium and the body are two things that probably shouldn't mix.

Rivaini Couscous Salad

When I first encountered couscous, I mistakenly believed it to be a grain, like rice or the more familiar Fereldan barley. I was swiftly corrected. In fact, couscous is a sort of pasta, made with semolina flour and water, although it's far smaller than your typical Antivan pasta. Couscous has a very mild flavor on its own--maybe slightly nutty. But where it excels is in its ability to soak up surrounding flavors, making it a perfect base for any salad. I'd love to experiment further, but so far, this particular combination of red bell pepper and mint has proven to be incredibly pleasing.

Crab Cakes from Kirkwall

I love it when recipes add a dash of whimsy into the mix. Food should be fun. I, therefore, took it upon myself to put this into practice with a classic Kirkwall dish. After all, who hasn't looked at their crab cakes and wished they looked a little more like crabs? Okay, maybe I'm the only one who's thought this. But now that I've brought this possibility to your attention, I'm certain you're interested as well! Best of all, these extra-crabby crab cakes stay true to the original recipe's flavors, so nothing is lost--only gained!

Fluffy Mackerel Pudding

Can it really be Feast Day without fluffy mackerel pudding? No! In fact, there's no dish I associate more strongly with the holiday than this unique combination of mackerel, onion, celery, and eggs. Granted, I've heard stories that, several decades ago, someone once attempted a diet consisting entirely of fluffy mackerel pudding. Now, that I certainly wouldn't recommend. It stops being Feast Day Fish if you eat it every day, no?

Snail and Watercress Salad

When the Avvar can't get their hands on a gurgut or a wyvern, they turn their attention to smaller prey. Much smaller prey. Snails are found on many a hillside boulder, making them an abundant source of food for the Avvar. Now, while some would wrinkle their noses or cry out in disgust at the prospect of eating a snail, I am pleased to report that, when prepared correctly, the texture, and flavor are actually good! I could happily eat a plate full of snails dressed in butter and oil, but those still on the fence about a snail's place in Lowlander cuisine might prefer to sample them in conjunction with other ingredients. Might I suggest a snail and watercress salad? It’s not exactly traditional Avvar cuisine, but my hosts certainly seemed to enjoy it.

Cave Beetles

You think that, after snails, I'd balk at beetles? Never! In fact, I greatly enjoyed this dwarven dish, which involves roasting cave beetles in their shells. However, I recognize that many may not have a palate that's nearly so adventurous. If that's the case, the cave beetles can be replaced with whole prawns while keeping the rest of the recipe the same. That being said, if you do enjoy the variation with prawns, I really recommend giving the cave beetles a try. They're quite similar in both texture and flavor. If you were to blindfold yourself, I doubt you could tell the difference!

For the Road

Spiced Jerky

Preserved foods play an important role in many different cultures across Thedas. Not only do they help certain communities weather times of scarcity brought on by the changing of the seasons, but they also ensure that long journeys away from home are possible. Imagine how difficult it would be for Dalish hunters to bring back meat the clan is depending on if they have to be back for supper night - or, worse, hunt on an empty stomach! This spiced jerky ensures that all Dalish hunters are well provisioned whenever they set out on a hunt so that no one, either the hunter or the clan at home, must go hungry. I do wonder, given how well this food keeps, whether it’s used in offerings made by certain Dalish elves to Fen’Harel. Although his shrines are usually located well outside of Dalish camps, I can’t imagine that leaving behind food that’ll readily spoil is good practice, especially if the prevailing opinion about these shrines is to avoid them. Besides, he is the Dread Wolf. If any god would enjoy a good piece of jerky, it should be him!

Grey Warden Pastry Pockets

Unlike many of us, Grey Wardens often don’t have the luxury of sitting down for their meals. Instead, they’re off on patrol, usually in less-than-pleasant climates, which makes their work all the more exhausting. In their shoes, I imagine I’d be downright ravenous, well beyond what a handful of nuts could hope to sate. But a pastry stuffed to the brim with meat, potatoes, and onion? Now, that would keep me going, and the Grey Wardens certainly seem to agree! While the original recipe produces a much tougher pastry - mostly to keep the whole thing from falling apart in one’s pack - another variation, championed by newer recruits from Orlais, incorporates the far more delicate Orlesian puff pastry. Whether eaten hot or cold, the results are certainly delicious, but I wouldn’t recommend storing these pastries anywhere they might be jostled. Otherwise, you might open your pack to find a mess in place of a meal!

Pickled Eggs

Got a fever? A cold? An aching shoulder, perhaps? Ask any Fereldan for advice, and they’ll be quick to prescribe you a pickled egg, the Fereldan cure for…well, pretty much anything! Actually, no, I take it back. You don’t even have to ask. Looking a bit under the weather is prompt enough for most Fereldans to unleash a deluge of eggs, which is exactly what Commander Cullen found waiting for him in his office during the worst of his lyrium withdrawals. Whether the eggs really work is a completely different story, but I’d be the last person to complain if one was offered to me. I am Fereldan, after all. Still, next time you feel a bit of illness coming on, try one of these salty-sour eggs. You never know; it might actually work. And at the very least, you’ll have the opportunity to enjoy one of Ferelden’s finest snacks!

Unidentified Meat

Have you ever heard a tale so exciting that you decided then and there that you absolutely have to see the truth of it for yourself? That was me when I learned about the mysterious, impossible-to-identify meat that’s often served in taverns across Tevinter - usually with a heaping portion of Nevarran flat bread. Of course, sometimes, the truth is far less exciting. Because what did I find on my plate when I ordered a portion of this strange meat? Was it quillback? Dracolisk? Giant? No. It was chicken - chicken legs, to be precise. Ah, well. They were still delicious.

Seheron Fish Pockets

Alas, for all my desire to see every last bit of Thedas, there are still certain places where I simply cannot go. Take far-off Seheron, for example, a land that, according to the Hero of Ferelden’s companion, Sten, smells like tea, incense, and the sea. Sounds lovely, no? What a shame then, that all my knowledge comes secondhand - and this recipe is no exception. I learned of this recipe from a member of the famous mercenary band Bull’s Chargers. A group favorite, the fish is packed with flavor. On its own, this combination of spices might prove a bit too much for the more delicate Orlesian palates, but I find that the soft wrap and crisp vegetables temper the resultant heat a fair bit. Do note, however, that this dish has a tendency to fall apart if eaten haphazardly. I suppose that’s why the mercenary who shared this recipe with me emphasized the importance of sitting down properly. He seemed to think I might stand in my chair to eat it instead. Who does that?

Fereldan Hearty Scones

Traveling is tiring work, especially when circumstances beyond your control necessitate going by foot instead of carriage. Thankfully, I had these hearty scones from home to keep me going! Unlike their sweeter, more delicate counterparts, Fereldan scones are packed with cheese and bacon, making them certain to keep you full until your next meal. Unfortunately, this also makes the scones a prime target for any nearby mabari, who love cheese and bacon as much as any other Fereldan. Don't make my mistake! Take a moment to survey your surroundings before enjoying your first bite; otherwise, a four-legged someone might do the honors for you.

Crow Feed

You don’t see much rice outside of Antiva and its neighbor, Rivain. In fact, it’s an especially rare sight in Ferelden, where any grain is seemingly always either barley or wheat. Evidently, very little of the rice Antiva produces ends up being exported, making it relatively cheap compared to other grains. It’s no wonder, then, that rice is a key component in dishes favored by poorer Antivans. However, that doesn’t make them any less delicious! Take crow feed, for example - a simple dish of rice, butter, and onions named after the (in)famous Antivan Crows. Although it’s most certainly cheap, the taste is fit for a king!

Black Lichen Bread

No doubt your face is already creasing in trepidation. “But wait,” you think, “isn’t black lichen toxic?” And yes. Yes, it is. But high temperatures seem to largely neutralize the lichen’s toxicity, making it safe to consume. If you’re still concerned, you can easily substitute any surface varieties for the lichen used in this recipe. Just make sure to thoroughly dry it, as you would any lichen from underground. You can also use bark in place of lichen, but I think that defeats the point. This is supposed to be lichen bread, after all, not bark bread!

Hearth Cakes

Some lovely comfort food, courtesy of the Dalish. These cakes are traditionally made over the hearth on an iron griddle or skillet (hence the name). While the original recipe calls for halla butter, I’ve found that other types of butter work just as well. The resulting dough stays moist on the inside, but crisp and flaky on the outside. In other words: perfect. Although hearth cakes can be made plain, I recommend adding some dried fruit into the mix. Cranberries, raisins, and currants all work. I believe the Dalish simply use whatever is on hand. Of course, if you’re feeling a bit mischievous, you could mix in some hot peppers instead: Just be prepared to be cursed as loudly and vehemently as Fen’Harel, the Lord of Tricksters himself!

Peasant Bread

While traveling through Orlais, I spied this rustic and hearty bread being eaten by both Dalish and city elves alike. The recipe is very straightforward, calling for wheat, salt, and grease in nearly equal parts, and it produces a biscuit that feels like it would be right at home in any Fereldan dish. It does a wonderful job mopping up any last bits of stew left inside your bowl, but it also pairs well with a bit of butter and jam.

Soups and Stews

Merrill’s Blood Soup

In the same vein as Llomerryn red, this is not actually blood - it’s just red. The color comes from the beetroot, which gives the soup a rich, earthy flavor that goes well with the roasted chickpeas sprinkled on top. Some might find the vibrant crimson hue off-putting, in the same way many shun the practice of blood magic. However, as mages like Merrill have shown, I think it’s best to not judge by appearances or by what you think you know. Take the time to experience things for yourself, and you might find yourself pleasantly surprised!

Fereldan Potato and Leek Soup

Most people immediately think of Orlais when it comes to creamy soups, and I can’t blame them. However, as often as cream might appear in their cuisine, the Orlesians certainly don’t have a monopoly on it, whether in soup or otherwise. This dish is 100% Fereldan through and through, and the recipe I’ve noted here is actually Mum’s. Of course, I couldn’t help but put my own little twist on it. Instead of using a side of toasted bread to give the meal a necessary bit of crunch, I turned my attention abroad, settling on chickpeas from Rivain, toasted to crouton-like crispiness. In a way, this recipe is very much a reflection of me, now that my journey is coming to an end. While my origins are unmistakably Fereldan, my travels across Thedas have touched me in a lasting way, and I’m all the richer for it.

The Hanged Man’s Mystery Meat Stew

A famous dish from the Hanged Man tavern in Kirkwall - or infamous, I suppose, depending on your perspective. Personally, after having heard so much about it, I couldn’t wait to taste it, even if the establishment, as Fenris once so succinctly put it, smelled of sour ale, vomit, and desperation. Oh, yes. I can hear what you’re thinking. A Fereldan excited about yet another stew. How predictable. But this is the tavern’s feature dish! Why shouldn’t I be excited? It’s made from a different meat every morning. I suspect mine was pork, although after overhearing the waitress tell another patron that they hang people who ask stupid questions from the rafters, I declined to confirm.

Fish Chowder

As Antivan as it gets! A bowl of this thick, creamy soup will have you feeling like you’re in Antiva City. No need for any pickpockets, corrupt politicians, or Antivan leather to further enhance the experience - the word “enhance” being entirely debatable, of course. I can’t imagine that the smell of rotting flesh would do much for anyone’s appetite, though Zevran Arainai might disagree with me on that. Evidently, becoming an accomplished assassin can have a pronounced effect on one’s tastes. But if you ask me, this desire for rather unusual accompaniments is likely born of something much more universally understood: homesickness.

Sweet and Sour Cabbage Soup

This Fereldan staple is often more solid than liquid, filled to the brim with cabbage, tomatoes, and other vegetables. Paired with a thick slice of dark bread, it makes for a filling and satisfying meal, one guaranteed to leave you full of warmth for hours afterwards on even the coldest of days. A perfect fit for us Fereldans, you might think, but we aren’t the only ones who enjoy this soup on the regular. Apparently, there’s a troupe of actors in Orlais whose sole focus is a popular comedy set in the fictional Fereldan village of Wilkshire Downs. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to see it for myself, as the performance was sold out almost instantly. But in order to play their roles most convincingly, the actors went so far as to change their diets to match those of their characters. For example, there’s a mayor who specifically eats cabbage soup. Personally, I don’t think I’d enjoy subsisting only on cabbage soup for an extended period of time, but you can’t help but applaud them for their dedication to their craft!

Lentil Soup

Lentils and Onions - open any pantry across Thedas, and I’m certain you’ll find these two ingredients sitting on the shelves. They’re both relatively inexpensive and keep well for an extended period of time. Best of all, they go with pretty much anything! Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if these two Thedosian staples played a starring role instead of a supporting one. So I combined a recipe that’s popular in elven alienages with some classic Tevinter flavors to supply an answer to this question. And what a delicious answer it is!

Nettle Soup

I first encountered nettles as a child, when I tripped and fell face-first in a whole patch of them. Many tears were shed, along with a lecture from Mum to play elsewhere from now on. In short, it was far from a pleasant experience. So I was understandably dubious when confronted with the idea of using nettles as an ingredient in my cooking. How could something so painful to the touch be in any way edible, let alone pleasant on the tongue. Funnily enough, I didn’t even have to taste it to understand. Though I doubt she’d appreciate it, I immediately thought of Lady Morrigan. She is, in a word, prickly, much like a nettle. And yet, despite her oftentimes cruel manner, no one can deny that she’s done much for Thedas’s benefit, helping not just the Hero of Ferelden, but also the Inquisitor. She’s a perfect example of how first impressions are not always the most correct. So, yes, nettles are both incredibly nutritious and delicious, contrary to my expectations.

King Alistair’s Lamb and Pea Stew

Hearty, humble, and straightforward to make - the three key aspects of any good Fereldan stew. This is a dish so ubiquitous that it’s become almost synonymous with Fereldan cuisine in general. I’m certain you’ve heard many a clever quip about our stews, perhaps even from Fereldan! But let me be the first to assure you that, no, contrary to what King Alistair may have said, we don’t cook our ingredients until they’re all “a uniform grey color.” Throwing them into the largest pot we can find, on the other hand… …that much is true. If you’re going to make a stew, you might as well make a lot of it! Although Mum’s stews will always rule my heart, I’d be lying if I said this recipe - its namesake’s view on Fereldan stews aside - didn’t come close to stealing the crown. (Sorry, Mum!)

Main Courses

Stuffed Cabbage

Gathering is just as important as hunting for the Avvar. It’s like Mum said: You can’t live off only meat, and any meal without vegetables is a meal half-finished. Of course, I didn’t understand her reasoning as a child, especially one who was single-handedly waging a war against the green menace on my plate. But now that I’m older, I have a new appreciation for her words. Plus, with a bit of proper seasoning, and some meat, even the most unappealing of vegetables can be delicious.

Antivan Gnocchi

Phew! Antivan meals sure are something to behold - and, to think, for Antivan nobles like Lady Josephine, these decadent spreads are just another dinner! Every time I thought we’d reach the last course, another was swiftly brought out. After ten dishes full of ingredients like olives, truffles, pasta, and cream, it’s a wonder I didn’t have to be rolled away from the table! In retrospect, I probably overindulged in the gnocchi, which were dressed with leeks and a rich cheese sauce. While they’re delicious, these small lumps of wheat, flour, egg, salt, and potato are incredibly filling. Still, I cannot say I won’t repeat this mistake next time I find myself at an Antivan table - nor will I regret it if I do!

Antivan Paella

Bordered by the Rialto Bay to the east, Antiva is populated mostly on the coast. It’s no wonder, then, that seafood plays a  starring role in Antivan cuisine. There’s no dish that exemplifies this more than the classic Antivan paella. Rice, saffron, and a variety of seafood (from whole shrimp to cuttlefish to mussels) come together to create an aromatic smorgasbord of everything the ocean has to offer. Best of all, it’s all made in a single pot - truly a dish after my own stew-loving Fereldan heart, if King Alistair’s thoughts on Fereldan cuisine are to believed! Although paella is traditionally cooked in a shallow, wide pan called a paellera (or, more confusingly, a paella in certain regions of Antiva), it can be prepared in virtually any deep skillet. Be sure to pair your paella with a glass of wine - ideally, an Antivan vintage, according to Lady Josephine, whose opinion on such matters can certainly be trusted - for the full experience.

Grilled Poussin

The Chasind sure love their poussin. And who can blame them? I love it, too! It’s a great alternative to the roasted turkey one might normally trot out for guests - although, I admit, the length of the guest list will likely be the deciding factor here. A poussin is a significantly smaller bird, after all, and as much as we might love the kitchen, sometimes we must be economical in our choices. Still, for a more intimate dinner party, you can’t go wrong with this dish! Although the Chasind typically cook poussin in a large pot over an open fire for an extended period of time, a similar effect can be achieved with any other cookware of suitable size and an oven. Marinating and basting the meat to keep it moist. That’s the secret to a meat so tender that it practically falls off the bone!

Gurgut Roast with Lowlander Spices and Mushroom Sauce

It was spring when I trudged through the Frostbacks on my way toward one of the many Avvar settlements that populate the area. As this is the time of year when the Avvar begin preparing for the following winter by smoking meat, pickling vegetables, and drying fruit, I thought it an ideal time to visit and observe. Unfortunately, springtime is also the gurgut’s mating season. As a result, I nearly discovered firsthand why travelers are advised to keep their distance from these brightly colored beasts. Luckily, a nearby group of Avvar hunters quickly came to my aid, and I was spared the indignity of beating at the beast with a ladle. In an expression of my thanks, I shared with them several jars of spices from home, which they happily accepted. These Lowlander spices are prized among the Avvar and often reserved for feasts are rare delicacies. What unparalleled good fortune, then, that I later had the opportunity to dine on the slain gurgut, now roasted and seasoned with the spices I had gifted, at the hunters’ hold.

Nug Pancakes

Although some see nugs only as pets, they are edible. In fact, nugs constitute a key part of dwarven cuisine, so much so that Varen, the first dwarf to attempt eating a nug - albeit out of desperation - became a paragon for his culinary discovery! I'd liken the flavor to a cross between pork and rabbit. Very tender, especially when roasted. But of all the nug-based dishes I've sampled, my favorite is still the nug pancakes (with nug-gets coming in a close second). I've noted down the recipe here and recommend you give it a try! Of course, if you cannot bring yourself to eat nug, other meats can be substituted in its place.

Fish in Salt Crust

The Avvar are generally rather utilitarian in their cooking methods - lots of stews, which I can hardly find fault with. But holds by lakes and rivers have a unique way of cooking fish. Instead of using a pan, they’ll wrap the fish in pungent leaves and salt, then leave it baking all day over banked coals. Like a stew, this method of preparation does not require constant attention. In addition, the salt helps keep moisture inside the fish, which turns the flesh creamy and tender. Plus, there’s a great deal of fun to be had when cracking the salt open! It adds a level of drama that I’m sure even the Orlesians would appreciate.

Roasted Wyvern

Having made their home in the inhospitable Frostbacks, the Avvar live on whatever they can glean from the land, hunting all manner of beasts, from harts and rams to large creatures like lurkers and gurguts - sometimes even wyverns! But take care! Although wyvern can be delicious, if they’re not prepared correctly, they’re devastatingly poisonous, a consequence of their venomous nature. I’ve made sure to include detailed instructions. I’m no Antivan Crow like Zevran Arainai, after all; the last thing I want is for anyone to be poisoned via dinner!

Nug Bacon and Egg Pie

Ever since I heard about Sister Leliana keeping a nug as a companion, I’ve desperately longed for a Schmooples of my own. Of course, as adorable as nugs are, allowing them anywhere near a fully stocked kitchen is a recipe for disaster. You’d think that after seeing Mum nearly lose her mind trying to keep the Hero of Ferelden’s mabari out of her larder, I’d be a touch more aware of the security of my own roasts. And yet…that cute face… Suffice it to say, I discovered firsthand just how voracious these little omnivores can be. These days, the closest thing to a nug in my house is this traditional Fereldan farmer’s pie.

Starkhaven Fish and Egg Pie

In some ways, this famous pie mirrors its namesake. Not only is it almost oval in shape, but it’s also stuffed to the brim with fish from the Minanter River, lending the impression that it, like the city of Starkhaven, sits perched upon the river’s bounty. But where the city is crowned with solid rings of tall, gray stone, this pie has a light, flaky crust that, I imagine, is far kinder on one’s teeth –not to mention, far tastier! As beautiful as Starkhaven is, with its lavish estates and fountains, I’d much rather take a bite of one of its pies instead. Of course, if Starkhaven’s prince were on offer as well… just kidding! I’d still take the pie. Given Sebastain Vael’s popularity, though, I might be alone in this decision.

Cacio e Pepe

A classic Antivan dish that graces the tables of both rich and poor alike. Composed of three pain ingredients – pasta, cheese, and pepper – cacio e pepe is delightfully simple. And yet, it is also very easy to get wrong, as I quickly discovered. The sauce must be smooth, not clumpy, a surprisingly tall ask when your tools are dry cheese and water. But do not despair! This skill, like all others, can be learned, and with a bit of practice, you too will be able to make a sauce that even the most scrutinizing of Antivan grandmothers can’t help but approve of. And let me tell you, that nod of approval is worth every ounce of struggle. So let me be the first to offer it to you, as Mum did for me when I was a child helping her in the kitchen: I’m so proud of you for persevering!

Turnip and Mutton Pie

I already know what you’re thinking. A Fereldan about to extol the virtues of turnips? Of course! They’re a wonderful little root vegetable, capable of being prepared any number of ways–whether boiled, stir-fried, roasted, steamed, or mashed–and even eaten raw! Although they certainly make a great addition to any stew, for now, I’d like to introduce you to the wonders of turnips in pies.

This particular pie is a classic Fereldan dish served at taverns across the kingdom. Tender chunks of lamb and turnip are enveloped in a buttery crust that, together, never fail to put a smile on my face. It doesn’t matter how cold or miserable the day is. None of that is any match for a belly full of warm, rich, turnipy goodness. Even just the smell alone is a comfort that no other food could ever hope to match. And although you could certainly evoke it by throwing a bushel of turnips into the fire, as Cole once did, I think putting them in a pie is a much tastier idea.

Smoked Ham from the Anderfels

Contrary to what the rumors (or perhaps just the importers) would have you believe, this ham does not taste of despair - whatever flavor that might be. Although the Anderfels are largely ill-suited for farming, pigs do surprisingly well there, in spite of the notoriously inhospitable climate. As a result, ham from the Anderfels is generous in size and, when glazed, makes for a delicious meal. In terms of glazes, my personal favorite is made from a combination of apples and apricots. However, I’ve heard that one glaze, in particular, made from wildflowers, can turn a smoked ham as hard as jade! Not at all suitable for eating, but I imagine it would pack quite the punch, especially in the hands of a warrior like Divine Victoria!

Roasted Turkey with Sides

If you're attending the Prince of Starkhaven's birthday celebration or any dinner party in the Free Marches, chances are, you'll find this feast waiting for you. The roasted turkey, cooked to golden-brown perfection, sits surrounded by a host of different sides, creating a picturesque scene that's certain to impress everyone lucky enough to secure an invite. Unsurprisingly, this culinary tableau is far from a quick-and-easy meal. The chef who prepared the rendition I enjoyed in Kirkwall informed me - after much persuasion - that the turkey alone took hours to prepare. Add a few sides, and there goes most of the day, especially if you don't have a full kitchen staff to assist you! Unfortunately, I discovered this the hard way when I later attempted to put this recipe into practice. By the time everything was properly cooked and ready, it was late into the evening - well past dinnertime, even in Antiva, where dinner is usually a late-night affair. So take my advice, and budget more time than you think you need. Also be sure to invite some friends! This is definitely a meal that's meant to be shared, which, in my opinion, makes it the best kind!

Sides

Sera’s Yummy Corn

This recipe is simple, yet strict. No wraps. No non-yellow corn. Peel halfway, then wash and cook; peel again, and eat. Personally I think other varieties of corn would work just fine - I agree with checking for rot, of course - but the suggestion was met with such disgust from Sera that, well, I couldn’t bring myself to try it. Also, while the original recipe advises acquiring the ingredients through less-than-honorable means, let me assure you that merchant-bought corn is absolutely fine. Friends of Red Jenny can, of course, pilfer a few ears from an undeserving noble, as usual.

Stuffed Vine Leaves

The first thing I did upon arriving in the Tevinter Imperium was head for the nearest tavern and order this classic Tevinter appetizer. These tender leaves are stuffed with rice, herbs, and sometimes minced meat. When topped with a bit of lemon juice and a dollop of tzatziki sauce, they’re sure to leave you in a state of bliss with just a single bite. In my case, I was so enchanted by the delicious flavors that I didn’t even notice the commotion outside! Apparently, there was a disagreement between a magister and another magister’s son - about what, I couldn’t say. After all, I was too busy eating!

Honey Carrots

In much the same way as the Inquisition is to the Inquisitor, a meal is more than just a main course. Sides form an equal part of the equation and deserve just as much care and attention as the dish they’re served alongside. It’s a lesson Mum taught me long ago and one I haven’t forgotten since. So of course, I noticed when this Orlesian staple made an appearance. It graced my table not once, not twice, but every single time I dined in Orlais. And while I enjoyed the traditional Orlesian rendition of this dish - which is on the sweeter side, thanks to a liberal application of honey - those who prefer a level of sweetness more in line with a carrot’s natural flavor should employ a lighter touch.

Nevarran Flat Bread and Yogurt Dip

There’s something supremely satisfying about a tall stack of Nevarran flat bread - and I don’t just mean in an aesthetic sense. Of course, being pleasing to the eye is certainly a consideration. This is a Nevarran dish, after all. But the process of being able to go from dough to ready-to-eat bread in minutes reaches a whole level of satisfaction on its own, especially if you’re used to waiting hours for a loaf to finish baking! Best off all, this bread can be eaten in a variety of different ways, whether on its own, brushed with oil, or as a vehicle for an assortment of dips. Personally, I’d love to try it with a good stew from home one day.

Sweet Delights

Blancmange

When translated literally from Orlesian, blancmange means “white eating,” which, I suppose, is pretty accurate. This dish is a white pudding made with either milk or heavy cream that’s been thickened. On its own, it possesses a relatively mild sweetness–particularly by Orlesian standards. But that’s because it’s generally served with various toppings, such as a red grape compote, to amplify the dish’s sweet flavors. The toppings are also a great way to decorate an otherwise plain-looking dessert. I’ve seen everything from designs composed of toasted almonds to ribbons of fresh mango. There’s really no limit to what you can do!

If you’re looking for a particularly elegant option, you need only turn to Lady Vivienne for guidance. After all, she’s the veritable queen of style, no matter the medium. When it comes to blancmange, her preferred arrangement remains true to the dish’s name, offering a pristine white-on-white tableau of white chocolate curls and whole jasmine flowers. The result is gorgeous on its own, but when served on a dark plate, it looks all the more stunning!

As stunning as that is, I prefer to add a cherry sauce to top the dish.

Poison Stings

Traveling is exhausting, as I’ve recently discovered. Even if you’re just sitting in a carriage, it can often feel like you’re walking every step of the way. Thankfully, I’m not the first to take long journeys across Thedas. Dorian Pavus traveled all the way from Tevinter to Ferelden in order to join the Inquisition - and rather quickly, at that! His secret? Chocolate-coated orange peels, colloquially known as poison stings. They’re sweet and sour, crunchy and chewy, and are certain to perk you right up whenever you’re starting to feel a bit worn down.

Dalish Forest Fruit Cobbler

Mum always knew there’s no greater comfort than a warm slice of cobbler - and the Dalish know it too! The first time I had a bite of this dessert, it was like sitting in Mum’s kitchen all over again, letting the simple pleasure of her baking wash away the day’s troubles. Hard to feel the sting of a skinned knee or a lost game when your belly is full of warm, gooey goodness, no? Although Mum usually made her cobblers with strawberries and rhubarb - only the stems, of course, as the leaves are poisonous - you can follow the Dalish’s lead and use whatever forest fruit is currently in season.

Dwarven Plum Jam

One of the great joys of this journey has been the sheer variety of foods I’ve encountered. However, there are certain places that, by nature of their climate or simply location, offer little in the way of choice when it comes to locally produced foods. The dwarven city of Orzammar is one such place.

Though it is underground, the city is by no means isolated, and trade with the surface has ensured that foods from above ground have soared to great heights of popularity below. Jam, particularly that made from plums, seems to be in especially high demand. The price, however, was enough to make my eyes water! It’s no surprise that only the wealthiest and most influential residents of Orzammar can afford it.

That’s not to say the rest of the city’s population is doomed to live in a jamless existence! While in Orzammar, I spoke to a local jam maker who, rather than purchase the jams directly from merchants, has opted to import only the individual components. They hope that, by making the actual preserves themselves, they can sell their product for a much more reasonable price. And the results, I dare say, were very sweet.

Sour Cherries in Cream

Imagine that you, like me, are at a dinner party in Orlais. You’ve just finished polishing off the second-to-last course, the latest in a long slew of extravagance, and you’re starting to realize that perhaps you overindulged earlier in the evening. But how could you not? The food was just so good. Now there’s only dessert left, and your stomach feels like it’s about to burst. At this point, you cannot imagine how you’ll manage to choke down whatever tower of sugar and cream awaits you in the kitchens. All you know is you have to. You cannot be rude to your host, after all. What a relief, then, when dessert finally arrives, and you’re presented with a small bowl filled with black cherries dressed in sweet cherry sauce and whipped cream. Evidently, even the Orlesians are sometimes in need of lighter fare. And so the night ends, with stomachs still intact and no offense caused. A happy ending for all!

Treviso Energy Balls

As a Fereldan, I’m no stranger to hardship. The Fifth Blight took much from us, but the darkspawn are hardly the sole cause of suffering in Thedas. Take Treviso, a port city in northern Antiva, for example: Treviso was captured and liberated several times during both the Qunari Wars and the New Exalted Marches. As you can imagine, during times of occupation, food was scarce, and those living in the city had to make do with the limited ingredients they still had. Of course, people can be remarkably creative, particularly in difficult times. You need only look to the work Anders did in his clinic in Darktown to know that much. And so the Treviso energy ball was born, combining peanut butter, oats, and dried fruit into a bite-sized treat that’s just bursting with energy! Perfect for when you’re out sabotaging weapon caches - or just taking a hike.

Rice Pudding

I assumed a mercenary would be paid in gold. But according to the second-in-command of the Bull’s Chargers, this is not always the case! One time, he, the Iron Bull, and five other Chargers defended a village from fifty bandits, an awe-inspiring feat by anyone’s measure. I certainly listened in slack-jawed amazement as Krem recounted the tale. How incredible they must have been! If only I could’ve seen it for myself. Ahem. In any case, once the bandits were defeated and it came time for the Chargers to collect on the payment they were owed, instead of receiving a sack of gold, they got several bags of rice. When I asked what they did with all this rice, Krem only shrugged and said, “When life gives you rice, make rice pudding.” I don’t believe truer words were ever spoken!

Goat Custard

You’ll find custards all across Thedas in a dizzying number of variations. I sourced this particular recipe from Rivain, where it has gained great popularity as a dessert. The custard is made from goat’s milk and studded with roasted figs to add a touch of sweetness to the dish’s overall richness. If you’d like to further enhance the dish’s sweet flavors, milk from the Ayesleigh gulabi goat can be used, as it boasts a natural sweetness that makes it prized by custard connoisseurs everywhere.

Baked Goods

Antivan Apple Grenade

It’s no secret that I delight in creative presentation when it comes to food. Whether it’s a crab cake designed to look like a crab or a dish featuring a fish peeking its head out of a pie, the extra touches are all certain to leave me clapping my hands with glee. Thankfully, this Antivan dessert nails it on both counts! Its name comes from the fact it resembles the fire grenades reportedly used by the Antivan Crows assassins - not just in shape, but also in heat! I discovered that part for myself the hard way, when I bit into the piping-hot apple at the center of these sweet pastry bundles with a touch too much enthusiasm.

Found Cake

The Hero of Ferelden’s mabari is very good at finding items. One time he even brought back a cake! As I understand it, the cake in question was a chocolate cream variety, topped with white frosting and fresh strawberries. Of course, I had to try my hand at reproducing it, and I think the results are sure to delight. I did, however, make the decision to omit the few flecks of drool that apparently clung to the original. As much as we love our mabari in Ferelden, I don’t think their spittle makes for a very appetizing ingredient. Not even Teyrn Loghain, who, I would argue, is far more tolerant of mabari drool than I, is liable to enjoy a cake that’s become intimately acquainted with the inside of a mabari’s mouth.

Varric’s Favorite Cinnamon Rolls

When you hear the tales of Thedas's heroes, what you don't always hear are the silly names Varric Tethras called them. Some of them more fitting - Blondie, Curly, Ruffles, Broody - and others a little more...ironic. Tiny? Chuckles? I can easily imagine his amusement at the exasperation of those around him, but that's Varric for you. He can disarm you with his humor and charm (or quite literally, through his spy network). I'll tell you a secret, though-I think he has a soft spot for the soft heroes. "Daisy" for Merrill, "Sunshine" for Bethany, "Kid" for Cole. I've even heard rumors that there was a kind, appeasing hero he called "Waffles". And "Waffles" is just on short step away from him calling someone a "Cinnamon Roll," which I've heard is one of his favorite sweets. (Some of those heroes would decidedly deserve that nickname, too.) I whipped up a batch of cinnamon rolls while thinking on it, and I believe they're the perfect treat to have while listening to him spin you a tale. Warm, sweet, comforting- the kind of treat not for listening to Hard in Hightown, but for hours spent reminiscing.

Croissants

The Orlesians certainly know how to make a good pastry! It’s no wonder Lady Vivienne starts off her day with one of these, the most well-known of all Orlesian pastries and, in my humble opinion, the most delicious. But, by Andraste, these little crescents are a lot of work to make! In order to achieve that wonderfully flaky texture croissants are known for, the dough is layered with butter and then rolled and folded several times over before being rolled into a thin sheet. It’s times like these when I wish I had a strong companion like the Iron Bull or Commander Cullen to take over the duties with the rolling pin. Anything to spare my arms the indignity of being reduced to limp noodles!

Cherry Cupcake

These delightful little cakes are decadence in bite-sized form, as pleasing to the eye as they are the tongue. Although they were served alongside other sweets, carried from one private box to the next by a servant on stilts at the Tevinter theater, I was so enchanted by the pink color that I barely noticed what else was on offer. It was only after I’d had a cupcake (or four) that I heard these tiny cakes were once used as a vehicle for deadly poisons! Thankfully, my cupcakes were poison free, and so is the recipe I now pass on to you.

Chocolate Cake

I didn’t have to travel very far to get my hands on this recipe. In fact, I didn’t need to travel at all! This cake is actually one of Mum’s recipes. She baked it for the first time on my tenth name-day, and it made for a sweet celebration that not another name-day passed without me begging for an encore. Thankfully, Mum was kind enough to indulge me, even though, more times than not, she already had her hands full with the Couslands’ meals. And so whenever I think about her love for me, this cake inevitably sits front and center in my mind. It therefore seems only fitting to include here.

Varric’s Favorite Pastries

Leave a plate of pastries, fresh from the oven, to cool on a windowsill, and you might soon find a certain member of House Tethras lurking nearby. It’s unsurprising, given that the man’s first thought when it came to renaming the Bone Pit was apparently “the pie fields.” I can’t blame him, of course. I, too, love a good pastry, whether it be biscuit, roll, or bun. And after an extensive consultation with the famed arbalist himself, I’ve put together this sample, which is sure to delight! But whether you choose to leave them within dwarf’s reach well, that is entirely up to you.

Sugar Cake

There’s often joy in simplicity, as illustrated by this humble cake, which is topped with a sweet mixture of butter, sugar, and almonds. I purchased one off a surface dwarf merchant who assured me that it would be well received by any companion. According to him, even the Hero of Ferelden purchased a few for this very purpose. Of course, for me, traveling alone, this cake isn’t as much a gift as it is a perfect pick-me-up after a long day of travel. But perhaps one day, I’ll have a beloved companion to bake this cake for.

Lamprey Cake

The lamprey is one of Thedas’s more unique-looking creatures, with its long, slender body and toothed, suction-cup mouth. It’s also one that’s seldom found in the kitchen. Unless, of course, the kitchen belongs to Lord Norbert de la Haine, whose fondness for pickled lampreys was just as unfortunate as his desire to conquer the Free Marches.

Given that Lord de la Haine’s tastes were rather singular, it’s better, I think, to bring the lamprey to the dinner table in spirit only. Rest assured, you’ll find none of its noxious flavors in this cake. I’ve limited myself to merely borrowing its shape.

Tevinter Pumpkin Bread

Granted, I didn’t need much tempting to visit Tevinter. After all, how else was I going to sample Dorian Pavus’s favorites? But if I did require some convincing, these wonderful treats would certainly do the trick! Best of all, because the ingredients are so limited, I can share this recipe with more people than ever - provided, of course, I don’t eat the whole pan myself.

Drinks

Lichen Ale

Deep underground, food is easily defined. So long as it’s edible and capable of being scavenged, it’ll eventually find its way into someone’s stomach. That being said, the surface dweller’s understanding of the word edible may not exactly align with that of an Orzammar dwarf. The best illustration of this is lichen ale, the drink of choice among the dwarves in Dust Town. Put simply, it is toxic, and I do mean that in the literal sense. In sufficient quantities, it can even overpower the heartiest of dwarven constitutions. As a result, the rest of us must approach this drink with caution. Although most can tolerate a few sips without issues, I think we’d all much rather enjoy a full glass of any beverage–particularly when we’ve made it ourselves. I, therefore, took it upon myself to devise my own rendition of lichen ale, using the dwarven recipe as a base. Now we can all enjoy the look and (most) of the flavors of the original without fear of poisoning ourselves in the process!

The Hissing Drake

During my visit to the Gilded Horn, I chanced upon a group of young men engaged in a contest of sorts. The goal? To drink as many Hissing Drakes as possible in quick succession, with the person who drank the most being crowned victor. Evidently, they’d already had a few drinks before the idea occurred to them, as no sober individual would dare down more than a single glass of the stuff at a time due to its fiery effects on the stomach. In fact, when it comes to ill-advised drinking contests, I’d say this one is a close second to the game Admiral Isabela once played, with participants drinking based on the number of enemies they had. Suffice it to say, that one killed a man. Thankfully, in this case, no one died. But I think the young men managed only two or three servings before they were forced to rush for the nearest balcony, where they were promptly divested of all their pride and bluster. I have no doubt that next time the urge to compete takes hold, they’ll follow my advice and choose a soothing Fereldan ale instead.

Hot Chocolate

Varric isn’t the only one who loves sweets. And, no, I’m not talking about myself; I’m talking about the Iron Bull! Hot chocolate is a particular favorite of his, to the point that it’s practically a necessity. Although the cocoa powder he swears by is sometimes difficult to find, it’s well worth the effort. Add hot milk and some Orlesian guimauves like the Iron Bull does, and you’ll have a drink that’s certain to please. Personally, I’m partial to topping it all off with a bit of whipped cream dusted with cinnamon, but there are many ways to dress up a cup of hot chocolate.

Antivan Sip-Sip

I was warned that this particular drink packs a bit of a bunch. More than “a bit,” I’ll say. Anyone capable of downing an entire glass of this is made of sterner stuff than I! I could scarcely manage more than a small sip each time I brought this to my lips - and that was with the added help of a tall glass of water! Perhaps that’s why it’s called a sip-sip - because each sip of it must be chased by a sip of something else.

Dragon Piss

I really hope the name is figurative. It probably is - or, at least, that’s what I’ll tell myself now that I’ve sampled this less-than-enticingly-named drink. Perhaps the name Dragon Breath would suit it better? After all, it certainly burns like a dragon’s breath - both in the glass and on the way down!

Rivaini Tea Blend

A cup of tea is often the perfect accompaniment for any sweet treat, although it can certainly be enjoyed on its own. Personally, I’d still prefer the added biscuit on the side. Not just because I like desserts–I do, of course–but because it’s great fun deciding which to pair with all the various blends.

When it comes to tea blends, the most famous is probably the classic Rivaini tea blend, a mixture of peppermint, lemon verbena, oregano, and licorice root. It’s a wonderfully soothing combination that’s said to have healing properties. In fact, I believe Empress Celene Valmont I of Orlais takes it throughout the day to alleviate headaches. Given how messy Orlesian politics are wont to be, with chevalier cousins vying for the throne and elven handmaids turned both spymaster and lover, I imagine there must be a pot of the stuff boiling at all times.

The Golden Nug

From the name, I expected this drink to be gold, but it’s actually pink! Evidently, inspiration was drawn from the living creature rather than the golden statue I passed in Haven (of which I’ve heard there is more than one). A base of white Seleney wine sweetened with a splash of West Hill Brandy dilutes the color of the pomegranate juice and mulled raspberries into a softer, pinkish hue. The goal is to imitate the color of a typical nug, after all, not a severely sunburnt one!

The Emerald Valley

The sisters of the Chantry truly make some marvelous creations - namely, the spirit used in this drink. Distilled from over seventy different herbs and flowers, it has a complex, varied flavor positively bursting with all the freshness of an emerald-green valley.

Chasind Sack Mead

After having sampled some Chasind Wildwine, I wasn’t surprised to learn that their mead is equally strong. Some might even call it brutal. For me, the flavors are almost poetic. First, there’s a nearly overwhelming rush of honey, tinged with the sour-sweetness of apple blossoms, that fills the mouth with all the bright warmth of a summer’s day. But as the initial sweetness fades, there comes an unexpected bitterness, reminiscent of the slow decay into fall, then winter. In essence, the turning of the seasons, all in a single cup - well, sack (although you can certainly fancy it up with a stunning decanter, as I’ve done here).

#dragon age #dragon age: tastes of thedas #da: tot #varric #cullen #cullen rutherford #anders #merrill #alistair #alistair therin #fenris #the iron bull #krem #sten #zevran #zevran arainai #vivienne #madam de fer #josephine montilyet #leliana #cassandra #cassandra pentaghast #morrigan

[aimless-imagines-for-fun]

A Dream

Part FIVE of The Soldat and The Flower  :: ONE  ,  TWO  ,  THREE , FOUR

Pairing :: Soldat!Bucky Banres x Petite fem!Reader

Warnings :: Overall sad vibes by the end, Bad Dream, Some Stockholm Syndrome, Slight Possessive Behavior

Word Count ::  1,271

Summary :: The Soldat has an almost perfect little domestic dream

A/N :: Gonna be honest, I meant for this to be a happy little "what if", but... Imma a little sad so- Yeah.

“Heya pal, got any special plans with your girl tonight?” A blond fella asked The Man.

He walked up to him as he knew him, a friendly smile on his face. Even though he didn’t know his name, The Man felt comfortable with The Blond. He was a friend, he was sure of it.

The Man smiled, giving The Blond a small shrug. “Just dinner, like always. What about you…” He trailed off, trying to remember his friend’s name, but he couldn’t. Who is he again? Who…?

Before he could question it any longer, The Blond spoke, “Just gonna take care of my mom tonight. She isn’t feeling too well. I’m thinking about introducing-” HONK “-to her. Hey, my mom also wanted to thank-” HONK “-for that flower arrangement she sent her-” HONK “-has a real talent with those flowers. She’d do great as a florist, don’t ya think-” HONK.

The Man nodded, agreeing quietly while wondering why the cars passing by today were so noisy.

After a short walk with his friend, the minutes blurring into a blob of time thanks to The Blond’s chit-chat, The Man was home.

He walked in greeted first by the scent of lilies, then by the beautiful voice of his flower. “Oh, you’re just in time darling! I just finished up dinner so it’s nice and hot.”

She stepped out of the kitchen wearing a slightly stained apron over a pale yellow dress. She had a large grin on her face, opening her arms up to be hugged by The Man.

After taking off his coat, he made a few long strides to get over to her and lift her up in the air in their embrace. She giggled happily, twirling in the air. When she was finally placed back down, she pulled him down by his tie to give him a quick peck on the lips.

“How was work today, B-” Ding! “-Oh! The cookies are ready,” She rushed back into the kitchen.

“Same old, same old,” He called out, following after her.

Walking into the kitchen, The Man saw a large bowl of spaghetti, cooked greens, and slices of bread on the side all set on the table for their dinner. She pulled out a hot tray of shortbread cookies, placing them on the counter to cool.

The two sat down, beginning to enjoy their meal together as The Lady told him about her day. She tended to her garden, gave the neighbors a bouquet of chrysanthemums as a thank you for a cookbook they had gifted her, and then read stories about Robin Hood.

“What about you, darling?”

He gave her a small look before averting his gaze to his plate. A small knot formed in his stomach when he thought about work. “It was fine. Like I said earlier, same old-”

“Same old,” She sighed. “You always say that about work.”

“Because there’s not much to talk about. You’d be bored by what I do.” He couldn’t quite recall why he didn’t enjoy talking about work, all he knew was that it wasn’t pleasant. He did the sort of job one wouldn’t share in front of polite company, that much he knew.

“I don’t know what you do.”

“Well, you wouldn’t want to because it’s-”

“Boring?” She stood up, walking over to the now-cooled tray of cookies. “Do you keep it a secret because you think I’d call you a monster if I found out?”

“Excuse me?” His brows furrowed, his heartbeat picking up at the thought of her being disgusted by him. “What did you just say?”

She began placing the cookies in a blue cookie jar. “I said, do you keep it a secret because you’re trying to keep Steve out of trouble all day instead of actual work?”

“Oh, yeah…” He thought for a moment. Who the hell is Steve? That name sounds familiar. Isn’t that… Yeah, it is that blond guy. Steve. “You know how Steve can be.” It felt odd saying his name.

With both of them full, The Lady began to clean up the dishes while The Man packed away the leftovers. After they had cleaned up, they headed to the living room to listen to Bing Crosby on the radio. The piano played softly before a deep voice started singing. They sat on the couch together, happy with one another’s company while doing nothing.

The Lady held his hand, fidgeting with his fingers. “Darling, do you love me?”

“That’s a silly question. Of course, I do flower.” He grabbed her chin with his free hand, pulling her attention from their hands to his face. He glanced over her features. The corners of her lips were down, her eyes were glossy. “What’s wrong? Why are you asking this?”

“Well… it’s because you never say my name.”

He was about to protest until he realized she was right. He never said her name because The Soldat didn’t know The Flower’s name. He didn’t even know his own. He didn’t know who he was.

-

The Soldat’s eyes shot open, the sight of a sleeping flower before him. He glanced behind her to see a blank white wall, not a wall covered in blue wallpaper.

In silence, he stared at The Flower, wondering for the first time who they each were before they were brought together. If their lives would have ever intertwined before. If she’d still choose him outside of these four walls.

The thought of them not being together saddened him. His arms tightened around her just a bit, a part of him wanting to make sure this was real.

-

When The Flower woke up, she smiled seeing that The Soldat was still in bed with her. That was until she noticed the depressed expression he had. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, bringing her hand up to his cheek. “Are you going away for a few days again?”

“No. I just realized…” He was hesitant to reveal what caused his anxiety. He was eased by her caressing his cheek, sure that she’d respond positively. “I don’t know your name.”

Her concerned gaze turned neutral, lips turning into a thin line. “...You don’t?” She asked, surprised he had never asked Dr. Kreischer, or had been told already.

The more she thought about it though, he only ever called her “Flower”. At least he had given her some sort of name, she didn’t have one for him.

“Well, I don’t know your name either, so it’s okay if you don’t know mine.” She gave him a sad smile, “In fact, it’s probably best we don’t know each other’s names.” Her eyes began to water, but the tears didn’t stream yet.

His frown grew. “Why?”

She averted her gaze, beginning to twirl some of his hair in her hands. “When I was little, there was a stray cat on my street that my mom and I fed. We couldn’t keep it because our landlord didn’t allow us to have pets. I always wanted to name the cat, but my mom wouldn’t let me. She said if we did, we’d grow attached to it and it would hurt more if the cat stopped showing up one day.” She looked back at him, tears now rolling down. “If we know each other’s names, it’ll hurt more if we’re ever separated.”

He was quick to wipe away her tears. “We won’t be. I promise.”

“And I’m sure you’ll do your best to make sure we’re not, but life is tricky to manipulate.” She sat up, ready to end the conversation and start her daily routine. “Besides, I like being called your flower.”

.

.

.

.

Tags:

@ivybarns   ,  @glimmering-darling-dolly  ,  @sergntbarnes​  ,  @vicmc624​ , @cjand10​, @hallecarey1​ , @kitty4860​

#winter soldier x reader #winter soldier imagine #winter soldier fanfic #winter soldier fanfiction #winter soldier angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes angst #soft dark!bucky barnes x reader #soft dark!bucky barnes imagine #soft dark!bucky barnes #soldat x reader #the soldat and the flower #soldat!bucky barnes #soldat!bucky barnes x reader

[wh-news]

ㅤㅤㅤAs Halloween approaches, a new update to the website of Welcome Home has arrived—how exciting!

ㅤㅤㅤIn this post, I’ll go over all the new secrets added on the 13th of October to the website of Welcome Home, a psychological horror project created by Clown (otherwise known as partycoffin). ㅤㅤㅤThings such as all the sources I used and special mentions will be listed in the bibliography section in order to avoid cluttering the post!

→ document ver. // og. website! // previous update ←

WARNING !! Heavy spoilers for Welcome Home lay ahead!

ㅤㅤㅤI encourage you to experience the website for yourself before reading this, as it'll take from the experience you'd have otherwise!

★ TABLE OF CONTENTS

What's New? 1.- Welcome Home page 2.- News 3.- Merchandise 4.- Transcripts 5.- Your Neighborhood 6.- Stickers

Final Thoughts

Bibliography

What’s New?

1.- Welcome Home page

ㅤㅤㅤJust like in the previous update, the changes are clear as soon as you step in:  the Home gif that welcomes us just like before now is adorned with Halloween theme, with spooky garden decorations —such as a friendly scarecrow and a cute blue pumpkin—, and a witch hat decorating Home’s roof.  But fear not—the previous gif isn’t gone!  These Halloween decorations are nothing but an overlaid image on top of the original one, aptly titled “dressup.png.”

ㅤㅤㅤHeading to the homepage, we find our favorite neighbor, Wally, now sits on the usual rock wearing a devil costume, with matching pants and cardigan, the filename now being “HappyHalloween!!”.  The theme continues with the drawings on the rock itself, now being of a pumpkin, a purple spider, and a smiley Home; and the tree, its leaf having turned orange and its log a brighter shade of purple.

ㅤㅤㅤThe same drawings starts being drawn on the screen as before, so we continue to the website’s update section:

ㅤㅤㅤThere, our friendly neighbor awaits sitting on the frame of the updates window with the same costume as before.  On the window itself, the gif has been swapped with a pumpkin-shaped tree ornament.  In its text we can find the offset “Y” like in previous updates —previously from the word “you,” now from the word “holidays”—, as it's crucial for the code to access some of the secret pages of the website, such as the “try again” pages (x, x, x), the slightly changed 404 Error page that leads to the “duet” audio, and our first look into the “answer” pages, which I talked about in my previous update document.

ㅤㅤㅤIt also encourages us to go read the news section, so that’s where we’ll go next.

2.- News

ㅤㅤㅤHeading now straight to the News page, we can find the familiar faces of the neighborhood’s favorite duo: Frank and Julie, still decorating the page with their sparkles and their stunning outfits.  Right below them, a new update telling us about the WHRP’s new findings: a few pages of a cookbook, which were restored surprisingly well—followed by an eerie, unpleased message to whoever their “source” is, reading “Our source has yet to send the full book. I don’t understand why. What is it worth to leave it out? Ripping out pages… What a waste. It takes so long to get everything off of them. Still, we’re patient, aren’t we. If you are reading this, please hurry.”

ㅤㅤㅤThe next finding is a Wally Darling Halloween Costume, of which we’ll see more later in the Merchandise section.  Last but not least, a new storybook record has been found, following the previous one titled “Eddie’s Big Lift”!

ㅤㅤㅤFollowing this, they mention how they’ve placed their full attention to something seemingly fundamental to the full restoration of Welcome Home, after this a somewhat off putting quote.  “What is it, I hear you pleading! Clawing at your screens just as we have! Coughing, headaches, nausea- I know. I know.”  Continuing as if nothing, they end the note by saying “Until then, have a happy Halloween!  Don’t forget to wave down below!”

ㅤㅤㅤAnd with that, we’re free to continue to the next section:  Merchandise.

3.- Merchandise

ㅤㅤㅤJust as mentioned in the News section, we scroll down to find a new section for the cookbook, counting with 4 images—all with a watermark reading “THE WELCOME HOME RESTORATION PROJECT,” a first for the website.  Here, we see recipes for “smiling treats,” cupcakes, and caramel apples, all using ingredients provided by the same company —Crispy SweetsTM— that produced the Welcome Home themed cereals seen in the previous update.

ㅤㅤㅤNext, the storybook record:  titled "Happy Haunting to Boo and Yours!”, endorsed by Crispy Sweets and produced by Marlo, it tells the story of the neighbors' Halloween party presumably located at Sally’s house, as she seems to be the host.  A narrator accompanies us throughout the storybook’s 19 minutes and 43 seconds, interacting directly only with Sally when she interrupts their explanation.

ㅤㅤㅤAlthough it states that a particular audio rip skips at 16:56 and quickly jumps past Sally’s dialogue to 18:51, unlike the WHRP we, as the audience, are able to hear her story.  I provided a full transcript, including this part, in this document.

ㅤㅤㅤA few things to note of the Vinyl Cover is that, when the update first came out, it had the same watermark of the cookbook plastered all over it, and only Sally’s face could be visible.  Also, at the bottom of the image, there is text that reads “Sponsored by Crispy Sweets,” Marlo’s logo, and “Copyright © Playfellow Workshop (illegible) the U.S.A.”

ㅤㅤㅤScrolling a bit further, we finally find the official Wally Darling Halloween costume mentioned in the News section: a rather comical-looking costume of unknown manufacturer that kids could wear, with the same drawing found in the homepage printed in the chest area.  Alongside it a Wally Darling mask with cutout circles in its eyes, so that the wearer would be able to see.

4.- Transcripts

ㅤㅤㅤGoing straight to the transcripts for the storybook record, as everything else seems to be in place, we’re surprised with nothing else than a new bug button, this time a pumpkin-lantern-themed candy spider, its filename aptly being “candy.gif,” making this the second bug with a filename other than random letters and numbers—the first being at the bottom of the homepage, titled “teeheehee.gif."  We can see a similar candy in Clown’s Tumblr, being Home-themed.

ㅤㅤㅤClicking on it will take us to a video named “00,” that belongs to what seems to be a new category, differentiated by the window title “listen.”  The previous category was titled “answer,” with a similar if not identical style of video, being seemingly recorded with a camera presumably being held by Wally Darling himself.

ㅤㅤㅤThis time, we can see a table filled with Halloween themed decorations and sweets, as well as the same baskets with the neighbors’ faces as seen in the cook book’s cover, in Merchandise.  To the left, a plate with a candy apple, which we’ll later discover belongs to Barnaby.  We hear the neighbors talking before Barnaby appears, trying to escape Sally’s lecture about Commedia dell’Arte —from where the character she’s dressed as, Pedrolino, comes from, being one of the first professional theaters originated in Italy, popularized in Europe between the 16th and 17th centuries—.

ㅤㅤㅤThey keep talking about it, when the video starts glitching, becoming brighter and darker at random, being covered in discolored static.  Not long after the video starts glitching harder, zooming in for a second to Frank’s basket before going back to normal, Barnaby’s candy apple seemingly moving on its own, now with a bite-sized chunk taken from it.  Barnaby approaches the camera —and therefore, Wally—, before realizing what happened to his snack, playfully teasing the others about it.

ㅤㅤㅤHowever, aside from the video’s distortion, there’s something off with the transcript itself: this is the first time, to my knowledge, that it shows personality and emotion, in lines such as “[Visual ID: Something… Has happened to the apple. A bite has been taken out of it, I think.],” and “[There is a brief pause. What is he doing.]”

5.- Your Neighborhood

ㅤㅤㅤMoving right along, we head to the Neighborhood, where some small changes have been made to some of the neighbors’ profiles.  Being that this update is Halloween themed, they all now have a brief segment related to the storybook record!

ㅤㅤㅤStarting with Julie, it reads: “In the storybook record, “Happy Haunting to Boo and Yours,” it is implied Julie and Frank could be a couple,” which is matching with Frank’s as theirs states “In the storybook record, “Happy Haunting to Boo and Yours,” it is implied Frank and Julie could be a couple.”

ㅤㅤㅤAlthough this will probably alert many fans as it did me, I’d like to point at a Tumblr post Clown made back in 2020: here, they mention homophobia and ableism being parts of the story, as they’re part of his own life and growth as a person.  Although old, and although these themes might not be implemented to the story in the same way Clown had planned back then, they might still be a part of it.  

ㅤㅤㅤFollowing with Howdy: “In the storybook record, “Happy Haunting to Boo and Yours,” it is implied that Howdy's antennae may have a mechanic that allowed them to move.”  We can also see this portrayed in the vinyl cover for it, in Merchandise.

ㅤㅤㅤLast but not least, the (literal) star of the show, Sally: “In the storybook record, "Happy Haunting to Boo and Yours," Sally Starlet invented a Halloween-esque holiday called the Macabre Menagerie of Monstorous Mischief Making,” which to her dismay Barnaby nicknamed “Terror n’ Treats.”

6.- Stickers

ㅤㅤㅤGoing, finally, to our last page: stickers!  As seen around in other pages of the website, all the sprites —except for Home’s— have gotten a halloween version, showing off their terrific costumes: Wally, as stated before, as a devil; Julie as a witch; Frank as a vampire, Howdy as a ghost (using his 100% on sale mattress); Poppy as a pumpkin; Eddie as Frankenstein, being the only one alongside Sally whose costume changed from the previous canon Halloween art we had, aside from minor changes; Barnaby as a werewolf (or were-beagle, as he calls himself); and Sally as Pedrolino.

ㅤㅤㅤHere, I’d like to give some more info about Pedrolino and the Commedia dell’Arte.  As said before, it was an early form of professional theater, originated from Italy, that was popular in Europe between the 16th and 17th centuries.  Characterized by masked “types,” characters usually represented fixed social types and character archetypes.  These were usually exaggerated.

ㅤㅤㅤAs for Pedrolino, he was a servant characterized by being simpleminded, honest, and cowardly.  He was of the "low", rustic class, and tended to be the victim of other's pranks.  Unlike most of the other characters, he usually played without a mask, painting his face white instead; when he did use one, it was one that only covered his eyes.  This was because his role used to vary depending on the play, so the expressions were left to the actor.  He was mute, or spoke very rarely; when he did speak, it was with the vocabulary level of a 2 year old.

ㅤㅤㅤSally specifically states that everyone was dressing up as something they’re not, so she chose her “opposite.”

Final Thoughts

ㅤㅤㅤAlthough short —or “bite-sized,” as said by Clown in this post—, this update provided interesting insight on Sally’s character and the neighbors’ relationships and dynamics, giving us also a lot of small things that can be used for the puzzle that is the bigger picture; plus, a lot of new, lovely art of the whole cast that I’m sure all of us greatly enjoyed.  Hearing their voices again is always a nice thing, especially in these spooky times.   ㅤㅤㅤOther than that, something seems to be off with whoever is writing for the website…  I wonder what it is.  

ㅤㅤㅤI’d also like to use this section to, like Clown, shout out some of the people that worked on this update!  Those would be…

@/downydig, who did the vinyl cover and the cook book art; @/rudeboimonster, who produced the Wally Darling costume; @/hollowtones, the narrator for “Happy Haunting to Boo and Yours!”; @/kmodoposts, in charge of composing the track for the storybook record; @/kindestegg, who made all the spooky sprites that adorn the website; And the voice actors: @/friendlyfrankenstein, @/syntheticcharmva, @/cyberscraps, @/GinaM9816, @/tunnelva, and @/modmad!

ㅤㅤㅤWith nothing else to say, it's time to wave goodbye… ㅤㅤㅤUntil then, have a happy Halloween!

ㅤㅤㅤDon’t forget to wave down below!

Bibliography

Clown (2022) Welcome Home | ClownIllustrations Sage (2023) Sage’s WH Resources !! Matt Parker (2014) Commedia Character Research - Pedrolino The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica (2023) Pedrolino Wikipedia (2023) Commedia dell’arte Clown (2023) Hello, you!

#welcome home #welcome home arg #welcome home puppet show #welcome home wally #welcome home barnaby #welcome home poppy #welcome home julie #welcome home frank #welcome home eddie #welcome home howdy #welcome home sally #wallt darling #julie joyful #barnaby b beagle #frank frankly #eddie dear #howdy pillar #poppy patridge #sally starlet #halloween #website update

[boobpancakes]

Lilium Rivera - Lily of the Valley

here is the official post to begin gen two of poison garden legacy!

lilium has spent her entire life living in a comfortable isolation hidden amongst the brambles. her mother has taught her to want for nothing, but there has always been one thing she has craved: love. she would tell stories to the chickens and the rabbits about princes and kings who would find her in her floral tower and whisk her away. will she get her fairy tale ending, or is she doomed to wilt in her mother's garden?

Nicknames: Lil, Lili, Nugget Color Association: Green & White Traits: Squeamish, Foodie Aspiration: Soulmate Skills to Max: Baking, Wellness, Flower Arranging

Relationship Rules 

You become infatuated with the first stranger you meet as a teen, sneak out with them, they will be your only external contact until you move out.

Give them the noncommittal trait. They should never become a boy/girlfriend or marry you, or even share a room with you. 

Living situation rules 

Your teen obsession takes you in when you run away on your YA birthday, but it’s an unequal partnership that leaves you as lonely as you ever were in the wild. Once you move out you may not have any contact with your parent. 

You effectively become a live in housekeeper, cook and then nanny when you have their child. Baking is your one outlet aside from your love for your child.  

When your child ages to child, you steal enough money to leave. You may cheat if necessary to have the funds to buy a basic starter home (under 20k) in a new neighbourhood where you know nobody. A kindly neighbour offers support and a second chance at love… if you can let yourself trust them.

Making Money

You may not have a job until you get your own place. Then you may take any part time job/jobs to support you.

If you have the cupcake machine while at your baby daddy’s - you can sell cupcakes to the bakery to make money for your escape/life

You may use any game mechanic that enables you to sell baked goods (selling tables/start a cafe etc)

You may also make and sell floral arrangements as an alternative or addition to baking if this suits your character better.

You may not join the culinary career

EXTRAS

[CL]As a child, befriend an animal who is your only friend until you move out. (completed)

Max the child motor skill due to your parent’s obsession with you being able to run away from stuff. (completed)

[HSY] - sneak out to a teen hang lot to meet your secret crush/love. 

Don’t take up yoga/wellness until after you leave your toxic first love.

Your child(ren) should never eat quick meals. Always cook, as many recipes as possible, and make sure to bake a cake for every birthday. 

Write a cookbook [Cottage Living]

#the sims 4 #ts4 #ts4 gameplay #ts4 legacy challenge #poison garden legacy #pgl #ts4 pgl #pgl gen two #IT'S TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[targetonthebullseye]

𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲

a GhostSoap one shot

based off of "Ghost Story" by The Narcissist Cookbook

"....To answer yer question...Ay love you." Grasped hands tightened a hold around a scorned knuckle, as a desperate blue gaze caught the attention of a murderer. Heart heavy, breath weighted, the military man contributed to his tangent-- all he wanted, all he needed, was for Ghost to just. Listen. "...Because ay have to."

"No, Johnny. You...can't--" "Nae, Ghost-- Simon. Juist...Listen. To me." Painful. It was painful. It was hard for the persist to look his partner in crime in the eye. Both pushed away their icks and nudges of tension, and saw each other-- truly spoke, and saw each other. It made Soap sweat from the pressure he had been silently casted to-- callously akin to being tossed to hungry dogs....But this dog wasn't hungry-- no. Not a lick. This man-- this dog across from him was tortured, burned, and bent, yes. But soft, attentive, quiet and friendly beneath his mask and keen, painted brown eye. He was serene, and he was perfect. And he was listening to him.

"...There es no 'why' aboot et.

Anymore than there es a reason why water vapor-- gathers in teh sky,

or-- or why the nettles in the garden dinnae go awa',

no matter how much the guy doonstairs tries teh keep them at bay.

No.

There is no 'why' aboot et."

No more listening. For a moment, there was quiet. But cold. This room, this sofa, window, table-- was the eye of a hurricane. It is quiet in the middle of the eye..It is quiet. It worried Ghost- for the first time in eons, it felt....He felt feeling- emotions on the tip of his tongue, swallowed to weight his pitted stomach.....It was fear, and worry, and it was hell. It was hell, and torture, to see Soap on the brink of distress, keeping his truest and rawest feelings to himself. He felt that-- Ghost...No. Behind the mask....Simon Riley felt that. Every bit of it...And it was hell. And then Soap croaked.

"There...Es a 'how,' ay suppose." His eyes were angle down amidst the isolating stillness, trailing up to Lieutenant as he did before-- iron lock, and baby blue, shining in the moon that peeked through the window, and the lamp that watched from beside. "Don't realle' understand et, tho--

maybe if ay dug aroond a bit in teh soil

ay'd find oot where all his love comes from

an' what it's for,

But then.....Then...The question would be answered..."

Pity. Oh, pity....And they both knew it- felt it searing into their veins like water invading drowning lungs, burning all means of breath. The air ran cold, yet hearts beat warm....They were still colleagues. They were still teammates-- nothing more....Nothing more. But he smiled- Soap, the short-tempered destruction....Smiled. And every second, Simon leaned over. He was listening.

"The ghost story would be over.

There'd be....Very little point in tellin' it aneh'more..

Right noo, ay'm just happy tae...Let it be."

He drove here. This all started with deployment, a coffee shop meet up, a week of passed time-- and a phone call. Soap had to talk, and he let it slip- Simons name, and three, simple, gentle words.....They had to talk. Not just he, they. Soap was in the car when he called, and it scared Ghost to know this man was on the road, crying- screaming into his phone like a depressed man on his dying legs. Immature, thought Soap....How he was acting...Was immature. But it was needed- Simon was still listening to his story. Shaky breaths and all.

"Let....You be you, and....Me be me.

Sleep til' noon, an' watch TV..

...Make schemes together...."

"heheh, oh Johnny, ya bugger--"

"Try not tae keep secrets from each other....

..Ay just-.....Hope to God we're right--....Ay'm right...When I say...

..I love you.

.....I just.....Enjoy being aroond you...."

No more listening. For a moment....It was quiet....But warm. A skulled mask lifted, and a rough, but plush lip finally gave in to its deepest urges. Simons stomach was freed of its pit, and he was released of his doubts, his worries....His Ghosts that haunted him so. Soap closed his eyes, hands leaving Simon's and rubbing up his strong, sturdy arms, to his shoulders-- and almost tickling Ghost as they delicately locked around his neck. Their connection only deepened, the lieutenants head turning and breaking the kiss- only to take a breath and to be pulled back in. They were listening, still listening...Hearing their hearts leap into their throats, catching onto their palpable and gentle hums, and their soft breaths as they broke apart....Closer than ever.

A cheeky smile painted Soaps lips, his tongue licking his canine with win. He did it...He did it. And Ghost loved him-- he listened to him....And he still was. Attentively, oh so attentively, Simon was gaping into a sea of calming water....It was his eyes....Oh, so beautiful eyes....What was this feeling- this arising swallow of security and embrace....He was....safe. He was actually safe....

"...And I don't think ay'm goin' anywhere."

"...What haunts tongues and lacks proof."

"Oh mah god, Simon....

Ah ghost story?"

"Me, ya cheeky devil...

....But tha' is funny."

"Hhahah!! Mm, figured."

"Mmmhm....

....I love you, Johnny."

"Even more, LT....Even more..."

#call of duty #ghostsoap #soapghost #my writing #oneshot #please goddammit I love them #mw3 has single-handedly been bullshit so this is my cope #THEY DEFINITELY SHARE SOCKS OR SOMETHING RANDOM BUT CUTE #and they were roommates #cod mw3

[mariacallous]

My great-aunt Victoria (Toya) Levy was an incredible woman. Born in Baghdad in 1922, she moved to Israel with her husband in 1950 to start a new life. They lived in a tiny house surrounded by fruit trees that they planted in the small town of Yavneh, where Toya dedicated her life to helping children from broken families.

She was an amazing cook — and a generous one, too. Shortly after we got married, my husband and I spent a day with her to learn the secrets of Iraqi Jewish cooking from the best.

That day, Toya taught us how to make t’beet, a Shabbat dish of stuffed chicken with rice cooked overnight, and kubbeh batata: potato fritters stuffed with ground beef. In her tiny kitchen, she also taught us to make meatballs in a dried apricot and tomato sauce. Of all the dishes, this was the only one that my grandmother never made and so I was not familiar with it. Yet its flavors stuck with me. The simple ingredients — sour dried apricots, tomato, lemon juice, raisins and just a few spices — somehow made a dish much greater than the sum of its parts. The meatballs were so tender and rich, and the sauce was sweet and sour, a combination that Iraqi Jews love.

My great-aunt Toya passed away years ago. I had somehow forgotten this wonderful recipe and when I tried to research the dish, I found different versions of it in almost every Iraqi and Iraqi Jewish cookbook I searched in. The dish was called mishmishiya or kofta mishmishiya (“mishmish” means apricot in both Arabic and Hebrew), ingryieh (a name that I saw only in a Jewish cookbook) or margat hamidh-Hilu. Interestingly, all the Jewish versions included meatballs, while Islamic recipes used stew meat. I assume this had to do with the cost of ingredients and the fact that most Jewish recipes were written by Iraqi Jews who moved to Israel, where stew meat was much more expensive than ground beef. 

According to Nawal Nasrallah’s “Delights From the Garden of Eden,” which researches the ancient cuisine of Iraq, the roots of this stew can be traced back to the Babylonian and Assyrian days (19th-6th centuries B.C.). A similar recipe, called mishmishiya, is also documented in Al-Baghdadi’s book “Kitab al Tabikh” from Medieval Baghdad. It calls for fresh apricots of a sour variety. Back then, of course, tomatoes from the New World were not available and, in fact, the original mishmishiya was also known as the “white stew.” Since Jews were living in Iraq from the destruction of the First Temple in 586 B.C., I feel a real connection to this humble stew’s long history.

Of all the recipes I found, my great-aunt Toya’s version is the best. Her apricot meatballs have become a family favorite; the 2,000-year-old dish from worlds away lives on, now with our kids. 

Dried apricots are available all year long, but I still think this dish is most suitable for a summer dinner. The apricots, with their bright color and flavor, mirror sunny summer days, not to mention the fact that this easy and fast recipe is perfect for those of us who want to spend as little time as possible over the stove when temperatures outside are soaring.

Notes: 

The recipe calls for dried apricots with no added sugar. They are available at specialty supermarkets such as Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s. If you’re using sweetened dried apricots, reduce the sugar in the sauce to 2 teaspoons.

The original recipe included raisins in the sauce, which I chose to omit, but you can add those for extra sweetness.

Store the cooked meatballs in a sealed container in the fridge for up to four days.

[robustcornhusk]

so the apple cake we made a few days ago is, supposedly, an old family recipe: we just asked partner's mother, who said "it's my mother's recipe, and before her, my grandmother's - it's an old eastern european jewish recipe".

... it's almost identical to this recipe - partner's version has more orange juice, and drops the vanilla, and the whole thing has been scaled up a little.

i'm just charmed by the way everyone thinks it's a family recipe, and in the end, everyone got it from a magazine or a neighbor (who in turn got it from a magazine).

And the recipe, it didn’t come from her mother or her mother’s mother (“My mother? Bake a cake? Ha!” my mother said.) but a clipping that a neighbor gave her from some now-defunct magazine.

My grandmother makes a very similar cake in a bundt pan. I liked to make up stories that it was from her mother’s mother and filled with mystery and mystique and then she told me she got it out of a Home and Garden magazine only 20 or so years ago.

We have something in common! This exact recipe was considered a family heirloom. I remember adding it to my family tree history for a school assignment. My father made up stories about it – something about escaping Poland with it. And then one day my mother came clean, it was just a recipe my mom got at the tennis club from one of her friends. The horror!

I kept thinking, there’s no way this could be the same recipe as MY mom’s apple cake, right? WRONG. It’s exactly the same recipe.

No way! My grandmother and mother make the EXACT same apple cake, and have passed the tradition on to me. I am, incidentally, amused to report that our recipe comes not from the old world or even an old neighbor, but instead from a 1960s Catholic church community cookbook.

now, what partner and i suspect has happened is this: oodles of eastern european jews immigrated to the US between 1880-1925, and with them came, if not recipes for apple cake, then at least the memory thereof. distinct-by-family apple cake recipes abounded.

at some point, some genius put orange juice in their apple cake. this recipe has a lot going for it: all the measurements are nice round numbers: 1 cup oil, 2 cups sugar, 3 cups flour, 4 eggs. there's a secret ingredient (orange juice). it's hard to overbake it. it tastes great even if you mess up the ingredients. you bake it in a bundt pan and it looks pretty nice without any kind of glazing, maybe in a little bit of a retro 50s coffeecake kinda way, but the flavor's good enough it doesn't need anything extra.

so yeah, this recipe outcompeted all the other sharlotkas and szarlotkas out there, and now it's everyone's family recipe.

the earliest written version of it that i could verify (conceivably - i don't feel like getting my mitts on that book) is apparently some 80s church cookbook, which is, y'know, kinda funny:

The cake may have first been written down in a church cookbook from Smith Island, Maryland in 1981, alongside spectacularly non-kosher items like “crab loaf.” I suspect that the cake is “Jewish” in the same way that old recipes label anything stir-fried as “Chinese” or anything with corn as “Mexican,” except with the weird bonus that the cake actually is easy to bake in kosher households, and, I suppose, that my actually Jewish family adopted it as our own.

(eta: it's a cookbook for and by a community, certainly, but it doesn't seem to actually be a church cookbook. also eta: i've figured it out; it was printed in two cookbooks within a few years of each other, the earlier being "Favorite Recipes from Trinity Church", 1981 Maryland. )

there's some similar apple cake recipes pre-1980, like this 1973 Teddy's Apple Cake, but that one's missing the orange juice.

it's a very, very, very good cake, by the way.

#i wish i had a cute food tag #recipe archaeology

[aintitfierce]

ALIAS / NAME : masha (there was a very brief period at the beginning of my tumblr days when i went by ghostie and referred to myself as The Ghost on occasion, but generally it's always been masha)

BIRTHDAY : april 25th

ZODIAC : taurus and idk much about All That except that i'm supposed to be a stubborn bastard who likes stability and Beauty and. well. that's got my number ig lmao

HEIGHT : 5'4

HOBBIES : drawing and painting, writing/RP, music and singing, cooking, taking cooking classes, shopping, Going Out And About by myself on the weekends (farmer's markets, restaurants/cafes, festivals, etc. i want to do this more often someday hhh)

FAV COLOR : definitely Red. i also enjoy gold, coral, dark teal, pink, brown, olive green, aaaand. idk mustard yellow

FAV BOOK : a little princess ghfihofe the secret garden is a very close second, tho

LAST SONG : this version of JDNT with just backing vocals

LAST MOVIE / SHOW : i don't. really watch things outside of youtube these days. i did watch ryan hollinger's newest video on butterfly kisses earlier this evening. and i am kinda wanting to go to the movies again soon. there's just nothing i really want to see out rn

RECENT READ : do cookbooks count that said i have been wanting to look into getting a library card again. i loved reading as a kid and teen, and i'd like to start again thinking emoji i've been trying to reread i never promised you a rose garden, tho

INSPIRATION : so many favorite tropes............ also an unhinged amount of music, probably

STORY BEHIND URL : it's part of the song beautiful yet truthful, which i learned as a 14-year-old in order to try out for an honors choir (i made it in that year, which is probably why it's stuck with me so much lmao) the full line is "ain't it fierce to be so beautiful, so rarin', tearin' beautiful?"

the narrator of the song goes on to boast about how beautiful, clever, honest, and most of all modest she is without even the smallest inkling of self-awareness lmao given all that i thought it was a Great Fit for pretty vanya here, if. a little obscure hhhh

#have i ever explained why i called myself The Ghost back then #idk if i have #;dash games

[saltedsolenoid]

ghost stories | the narcissist cookbook

You asked me why I love you and I said, "I don't know" And I could tell you were disappointed with that answer so I carried on, said "I mean I've loved a lot of people in my life, or I thought I have I guess I've written them all off when they leave, or I leave them You know, because, that means, doesn't it That means that it couldn't have been love to begin with So why not just write it off?

Sorry, that's not really answering your question I mean, I guess I thought I was so fucking smart when you met me When I was 23, I finally started to feel like a real person You know, a human being Kept the kind of secrets real people keep Told the kind of lies real people tell And most exciting of all, I loved like I thought real people loved

Never really staying anywhere Perpetually in the process of going somewhere I thought I was dark, and mysterious, and fucking irresistible Now I look back on 23-year-old me and I think, 'Jesus Christ man, what a dick, what a leech' Treating relationships like an ice cream factory Eating all I could handle and then throwing it all up and running away

And yeah, I'm not 23 anymore, but I'm still me, and what's more I still want to run away sometimes, a lot of times, actually In that stupid little way I do where I lock myself in my room And I watch strangers play video games 'til my brains start to leak all over the sofa And I get high, and I write, and I sing, and I hope it still sounds good when I'm sober Fuck, sorry You asked me a direct question

I guess I'm scared that I'm imaginary That I invent myself every day, so other people don't have to That who I really am is secondary to what I want everyone else to see And I'm scared that I'm crazy, but God help me, I'm twice as scared I'm sane 'Cause then what excuse do I have for treating people like problems that need to be solved or explained?

And that's where you come in You came along, you taught me that people cannot be explained That we are all ghost stories at the end of the day And maybe we should just aim to stay that way Maybe there's a reason why we do the wonderful, horrible things we do to each other But the reasons are too simple to be satisfying, and then we're left forgetting and re-mystifying each other

'Cause we don't really wanna understand what makes us hurt each other No, we don't really wanna understand what makes us hurt each other Ah no, we don't really wanna understand what makes us- Fuck, sorry I mean, I've been having a lot of trouble focusing recently Uh, too much aspartame in the diet, I think

To answer your question, I love you Because I have to There is no 'why' about it anymore than there's a reason why water vapor gathers in the sky Or why the nettles in the garden don't go away, no matter how much the guy downstairs tries to keep them at bay There is no 'why' about it

There is a 'how,' I suppose, don't really understand it though Maybe if I dug around a bit in the soil I'd find out where all this love comes from and what it's for But then the question would be answered Ghost story would be over There'd be very little point in telling it anymore

Right now, I'm happy just to let it be Let you be you and me be me Sleep 'til noon and watch TV Make schemes together Try not to keep secrets from each other I just hope to God that we are right when we say "I love you" I love you I just enjoy being around you I don't think I'm going anywhere

[laughterbynight]

Le Comfort Tags

this is going to be long

these tags are brought to you by @burntotears

Comfort Movie(s): 2005 Pride & Prejudice, Jurassic Park, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, A Little Princess, The Secret Garden, and Under the Tuscan Sun. Can't remember how well some of those aged...

Comfort Food (s): (okay so for about 9 months I had long covid before we had vaccines, which means, weirdly, my body developed allergies to a lot of foods I could tolerate previously. Old faves have *)

Cheese, big glass of Milk*, Pizza*, Tortellini Alfredo*, Miso Soup, Diet Coke*, Oat Milk Ice Cream, Teriyaki Salmon, Petit Fours*, Pastry Cream*.

Comfort Clothing: A very oversized T Shirt and nothing else or baggy pants and a velvet crop top. Very specific but it's my favorite thing to wear when I'm being cozy. I do like big sweaters but if I get overheated the feeling is ruined immediately.

Comfort Song(s): I apologize in advance but there's no way to make this short. Daydreaming means I'm always switching between a line up of songs that transport my brain to other places or set off specific feelings. Some probably don't sound comfortable per se but the familiarity is what gets me. A few have been my go-to escapism songs for well over a decade. And of course the line up is always in flux. Also, like, fanfic mood music is a must yo.

BZY-The Earth Laughs In Flowers Jean Dawson - Pirate Radio The 1975 - Happiness Great Heart - Johnny Clegg & Savuka the verve - bittersweet symphony Deco - bittersweet symphony New Radicals - You Get What You Give Tracy Chapman - Crossroads Temple of the Dog(aka soundgarden and pearl jam) - Hunger Strike ODESZA - Line Of Sight Steve Conte - Call Me Call Me The Midnight - We Move Forward Savage Garden - I Want You Stewart Copeland (yes from the police) - Misty Bog (spyro the dragon) Angels & Airwaves - The Adventure Broke for Free - A Beautiful Life Cressida- 6am (Kyau & Albert Remix) Niklas Harding & Arcane- Ice Beach Michael Cassette - Wateresque Nitrous Oxide - North Pole Fire Flowerz - Sugar

Technically you could probably put any intro and outro from the og toonami line up on this list. I stg it's like getting smacked in the face with nostalgia to hear anything from that time.

*if a song is like 8 minutes jump ahead 2. That usually gets you past the warm up.

Comfort Book(s): The Birth of the Firebringer, Vol 1. of the Sailor Moon manga, Pride and Prejudice (specifically the audio version by the sleepy bookshelf) which is also on spotify, and probably ACOMAF (the rest can rot but I still love that ONE book.)

Comfort Game(s): Spyro the Dragon (I know this game too well), Tomba 1 & 2, Stardew Valley, Harvest Moon DS Cute, Dewprism/Threads of Fate.

Comfort Streamers:

Tbh although I check in with a handful of streamers from time to time Ray is probably who I watch the most. Quick wit, sarcasm, and snark are my favorite things, so Ray is my go-to. (yes, that Ray. He escaped RT a long time ago. It's a whole thing that's been talked about by him. He's a safe one, don't worry.)

RayNarvaezJr.

dude plays pretty much anything and everything but if I had to rec somewhere to start go with either pokemon or stardew if you want chill vibes, or watch his plays of any of the resident evil or yakuza games for fuckery.

Comfort Youtube Channels:

I'm adding this because I use a few when I'm overwhelmed and need something familiar or gentle to watch. Separate from gaming stuff.

Kennie JD - Bad movies and a beat playlist (kennie is just hysterical anyway but omg these reviews. The Twilight ones in particular get me every time.

Anti-Chef - Watch Jamie attempt to cook through Julia Child's cookbooks. It's very charming and you're always rooting for him. He's very real about the process which is nice.

Dominic Noble - Lost in Adaptation. Exactly what it sounds like. Books vs Film and TV but he's also not an ass about it so it's a pleasant experience.

nigiricco - Bento videos like every three days it's wild but imo soothing to watch.

Sophia Phan - Movie Commentaries. She's adorable.

Imamu room - MORE BENTO

Joconde's baking - Really soothing baking videos imo as long as you don't mind the sound of it. Like almost asmr if that helps.

Chocolate Cacao - The master of baking chocolate I stg

José - Video essays and damn good retrospectives including scrubs, that 70s show, boy meets world, the golden girls, cheers, the fresh prince etc.

The Movie Budz - More great film commentary

PBS Idea Channel - Okay so this channel has been dead for 6 years now but it's STILL full of amazing videos that I have yet to see matched in their depth and scope. Plus it's nearly all pop culture which keeps it fun an accessible. If you aren't familiar with PBSID I highly suggest sifting through the archive. There are videos on everything from The Pokemon War Theory to How Does Night Vale Confront Us With the Unknown?

Hbomberguy - The dude with the Pathologic video. His other stuff is really good too.

Folding Ideas - Video essays and commentary plus some really good deep dives into other subjects like NFTs, Flat Earthers, and the Ralph Bakshi Lord of the Rings uh adaptation?

Primitive Technology - Okay, you know those videos YT recs where it looks like two guys built a hotel out of bamboo or something but it's clearly fake? This is the guy they're mimicking.

Peaceful Cuisine - Mostly vegan and/or gluten free cooking. Most videos have an asmr version and a version with soft music playing.

Was all of that necessary? Probably not. I am now tired. To think I trimmed down what I was going to add.

Tagging folks but like everyone feel free to do it, and no you don't have to do all the categories I did. I added the youtube videos and went kinda wild with music.

Going by my activity page again otherwise this will be too long

@loveayeti @corpsefluid @deviess @metaphysicaltelephone @cobaltbluepub @kerrykhat @doommsatic @isixdream @aetheling @thesoilofblackpepper @blue-shale @thematurescholar @ghost-proof @pixiereadsb00ks @dreaminginspacecowboy @truculentbantam @tfisathoughtfulnickelbakeryfire Zuloo Idk why I can't tag you but I see your ass on my activity page so consider yourself tagged.

#how do i even tag this? #overshare #comfort tags

[misforgotten2]

The secret of Olive Gardens success.

Esquire Cookbook  by The Editors of Esquire  illustrated by Charmatz   1955

#Illustration #vintage illustration #cookbook #cook book #1950s #1950's #caldron #soup #funny #humor #humour

[audeatingstore]

Exploring the Culinary Wonders of Kerala: A Guide to Must-Have Cookbooks

In the heartland of India's southwestern coast lies Kerala, a land known not only for its breathtaking landscapes but also for its rich and diverse culinary heritage. From the aromatic spices to the coconut-infused curries, Kerala's cuisine is a delightful journey for the taste buds. If you're eager to bring the flavors of this coastal paradise into your kitchen, a collection of Cook Books Kerala culinary secrets is a must-have. In this article, we'll explore some essential cookbooks that will transport you to the vibrant kitchens of Kerala.

"The Essential Kerala Cookbook" Authored by renowned food writer and Kerala native, this cookbook is a treasure trove of traditional recipes passed down through generations. From the iconic Sadya (feast) recipes to the delectable seafood specialties, this book captures the essence of Kerala's diverse culinary landscape. With detailed instructions and vivid images, it's a perfect guide for both beginners and seasoned cooks looking to master the art of Kerala cuisine.

"Flavors of Malabar: A Culinary Expedition" Malabar, the northern region of Kerala, has a distinct culinary identity that blends Arab, Persian, and Indian influences. This cookbook delves deep into the unique spices and techniques that make Malabari cuisine stand out. From the tantalizing biryanis to the aromatic Malabar curries, this book is a comprehensive guide to recreating the magic of Malabar in your own kitchen.

"Spice Trails: A Journey Through Kerala's Spice Gardens" Kerala's spice gardens are legendary, and this cookbook takes you on a flavorful journey through them. Focusing on the intricate use of spices like cardamom, black pepper, and cinnamon, this book elevates your cooking to new heights. With anecdotes about the spice trade that put Kerala on the global culinary map, "Spice Trails" adds a historical dimension to your culinary adventures.

"Coastal Delights: Seafood Recipes from God's Own Country" No exploration of Kerala's cuisine is complete without indulging in its seafood delicacies. From the succulent fish curries to the spicy prawn preparations, this cookbook celebrates the bounty of the Arabian Sea. The author, a seafood enthusiast and Kerala local, shares insider tips on selecting the freshest catch and infusing your dishes with the true flavors of the coast.

"Vegetarian Paradise: Kerala's Plant-Based Wonders" For those who prefer a vegetarian culinary experience, Kerala has a plethora of delicious options. This cookbook focuses on the vegetarian side of Kerala cuisine, showcasing the diverse range of plant-based dishes. From hearty stews to innovative takes on traditional favorites, this book proves that Kerala's vegetarian fare is just as rich and satisfying.

For More Info :-

Konkani Cuisine Recipes Book

[k00289086]

Did some research on the artists doing photography of moving objects the one here is named Tim clinch. He work for a wide variety of magazines all over Europe and America, including Conde Nast Traveller, Forbes Life, Town & Country, Food Illustrated, House & Garden & Traditional Home, He contributed photographer to the International Wine Magazine 'Le Pan' and have had many books published, the latest being ‘England’s Hideaways’, a guide to the best secret hotels and castles in the UK (published in New York and London by Rizzoli), the 'Buenvino Cookbook', published in the UK by Benefactum and 'Cassoulet, a French Obsession' with Kate Hill, published in the US by Rancho Gordo.

He was fortunate to be chosen as an exhibitor in the prestigious Food Photo Festival in Tarragona, Spain in 2011, and was an award winner at the inaugural 'Pink Lady Food Photographer of the Year' awards in London in 2012, and was the Errazuriz Wine Photographer of the Year, awarded at the 2013 'Pink Lady Food Photographer of the Year' awards and have had second and third places in every succeeding year.

[animaniahq]

Tom Baker || 45 || Baker || Echo Creek

“Maybe I just wasn’t meant to have children.”

✨Biography:

It might sound a little ironic, but baking has been in Tom’s family for as long as he can remember. Their family bakery has been passed down for generations, and he grew up learning the business. To try and help the prospects of growing the family business, Tom went to college in Echo Creek, deciding that he didn’t really need a bigger and better degree to run the Bakers’ bakery. He didn’t think that he would ever marry, once he hit thirty and didn’t have any sort of prospects of a wife, until Sara came along. She was a lot younger than him, and Tom never encouraged her to drop out of college, but Sara was all in on helping him run the bakery and making it as successful as they could. The two eloped and Tom was the happiest he’d ever been, until they started to try for a baby and came up unsuccessful. He had a feeling that there was something wrong with him, since his parents were only able to have one child, or so he thought. That was the only hitch in what otherwise was a happy marriage and happy, simple, life that he had dreamt of living.  As far as he was concerned, he and Sara were doing well, while, unbeknownst to him, his wife had cheated on him with one of the most popular socialites in Animania.

Things were smooth sailing until the woman from next door came knocking. Tom had never really spoken to his neighbor, not even when he was a child, but she came bearing secrets that he hadn’t even known were hidden. What had stuck with him the most was that he had a sister who he didn’t know existed, who had apparently been born after he had moved out and begun running the bakery on his own. Not only that, but the woman had placed a curse on the entire Baker bloodline since his father had accidentally stolen some beans from her garden when his mother was pregnant with his sister. It was unfair, the way his father’s actions had sealed the fate of his entire family, but the woman, who revealed herself to be a witch, had offered two solutions. Either Tom and Sara could find his sister, who apparently had magical hair that could help the witch look young again, or they could find some random items to make a potion: a cape, a slipper, a cow, and a lock of hair. While Tom wanted to go fix this himself, Sara has been quite set on helping him find these ingredients to make the witch’s potion. What Tom’s more concerned about is finding his long-lost sister, though he doesn’t even know what her name is. All he knows is that she has some power in her hair to heal people, and Sara pointed out that it might mean he has some powers, too. Unbeknownst to Tom, it was the very reason why his bakery had been so successful once he’d taken over, as his baking has the magic to heal their hearts’ wounds. He and Sara had never expected their lives to take such a turn, but Tom’s just hoping they wind up expanding their family by the end of it.

✨Personal:

Species: Fae Sexuality: up to player Pronouns: up to player Favorite Song: up to player Big Three:  up to player

✨Connections:

Lilla Puckett: Tom once saved the girl and her grandmother from Zeke Wolf on the quest to find this cape as red as blood nonsense. It had apparently worked, since Lilla and her grandmother are very much alive, but he’s still hoping to get this cape out of her, just to satisfy Sara and the quest for the potion.

Jack Spriggins: The two exchanged some of the witch’s magic beans for a cow. Tom feels pretty terrible about the trade, since it was clear that the boy considered the cow a friend, but he promised to give him back as soon as Sara gets pregnant, and he intends to do just that.

Fauna Felton: Another baker who Tom can feel as oncoming competition. The woman seems perfectly nice, but he’s scared of her and how good she is. Either he needs to hire the woman or hope that her supposed anticipated cookbook is a flop.

Based On: The Baker from Into the Woods Faceclaim: Matthew Macfayden FC Change: Not Allowed Availability: Open

#bio rp #bio rpg #town rp #town rpg #disney rp #disney rpg #matthew macfayden #into the woods #the baker #40s #open #male #open male