#the sheer amount of shit i would have to change to get someon even a TINY BIT interested isnt worth it and will never actually work
Canto IV Part 3 discussion
No but seriously there is. So much. I would want to pick apart about this fucking dungeon and Canto as a whole, like there is just. So much.
The sheer amount of political commentary that’s not even subtle.
The way Dongrang is presented as just as much a victim of the system as everyone else, yet it doesn’t erase how deplorable his shitty actions are.
T Corp having a diagetic government-imposed Breaking Bad Mexico filter.
How manifesting an E.G.O is shown to not be a sign of personal growth or even always a positive thing, but rather simply a sign that you’ve accepted yourself and decided to no longer change, regardless if that means you decide to hurt more people or not.
Carmen.
Just Sang Yi in general. I want to put him under a microscope. The way he seems so morally ambiguous taking everything we know about him into account. On one hand he is the one who ended up helping Yi Sang break out of his cycle of depression. On the other hand, he was absolutely willing to exploit it to keep Yi Sang dependant on him until he realized just how much of a danger to himself Yi Sang truly could be.
The utter ambiguity of Sang Yi’s motivations or true intentions, especially when taking the context of Poem 13 from Crow’s Eye View and the fact that he’s supposed to be a partial representation of Yi Sang’s wife from The Wings into account.
Dongbaek getting to be the first one to say the Fuck word in one of the best delivered lines in the entire fucking game.
How the roles the Sinners played reflect them on a much deeper level than one might seem. From Ishmael continuing the “Can someone explain this to me this doesn’t make sense” theme even when she’s acting, to Meursault and Outis (after some awkwardness) feeling so in tune with their roles you could mistake the shit they say as Actual things they would say out of context.
How Hong Lu ends up playing the role of the emotional heart of the group, a man so kind and sentimental he made a technology to seemingly bring the dead back to life even if in just a small window, and who was constantly showing concern and understanding towards Yi Sang.
Hong Lu’s gradual unveiling over the course of the Canto as he shows more and more just how intelligent and perceptive he actually is until the very end where it pays off with him being the one to realize how to help Yi Sang.
The small moments in the dungeon where Yi Sang and Hong Lu understand each other a little more, as two men who are repressing their emotions in different ways as an after-effect of living a life where they lacked control over their own choices (presumed for Hong Lu).
Yi Sang’s smiles.
Dante’s Doomsday Clock moving an hour closer to midnight after they realized their memories can’t be wiped, thus bringing them a step closer to remembering who they are.
Alfonso being the one woman to make me question how gay I am.
Shit was fucking packed alright.
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There Was A Time:
previous chapters/warnings
6. You Ain’t The First
Second person POV:
That Friday the band had a gig. You did the usual; help the boys tease their hair, this was the only time you could be near Izzy or touch him, you helped Slash with his eyeliner and Axl's eyeshadow. They went on stage you watched them from a secret balcony opposite the stage, where all the lights and other technical controls were. You watched Steven's hair bounce as he played the drums, and it was even more hypnotising with his teased hair. You watched him for the beginning of the gig, it soon trailed over to Axl. You knew it was bad that you had feelings for him, even worse that you kissed him. You're his manager, you couldn't be with him, just like nothing could happen between you and Duff. But my god he is so addictive to look at. His teased hair made him look like a lion, and the way he moved his hips when he sang made all the girls, the boys and yourself go absolutely wild. You did however look away from him when it was Slash's solo. Duff and Izzy were looking at you while he shredded, you didn't notice of course as you were in awe at his talent and his man boobs. Duff was jealous, but he wasn't hateful, he knew Slash was amazing at going nuts on the guitar, he stared too sometimes. Izzy however, no one knew what he was thinking. Murder? Maybe. Toe hair? I don't know. Unicorns shitting glitter? Sure! He was so hard to read, he was a complete mystery.
The rest of the show went well. Axl didn't jump on anyone or even shout at them. When they ended you waited for them in the changing room. All the guys were first in, but Axl was slightly delayed, but soon he stepped over the dressing rooms threshold. "Guys, I have someone that I want you to meet." Axl said with a smile. It was quite unusual to see him this chirpy after a show, he would normally be ranting with the small nit-picky stuff of the not-so-good quality equipment. A stunning girl with long curly hair and the most beautiful blue eyes walked in behind him and then stood next to him. "This is Erin." He spoke. "My girlfriend". Those words hit you like a freight train, your ears started ringing. You felt so betrayed. You felt your heart break under the sheer amount of pain it just felt in that moment. You hated them. No not her. Him. Axl Rose. He played with your heart just like that. Did he think of you like you were some groupie? He couldn't have, your kiss and everything but lust behind it. You had to put. Brave face on to not like you wanted to kill yourself in that moment because, they rest of the band were introducing themselves and you were up next after Izzy. "This is our manager." Axl said as he motioned to you. "Ah! Oh my god you're so pretty! I've heard so much about you!" She said. 'Oh thank god she's a girls girl' You thought in relief.
You guys sat at the booth like normal, this time with Steven and Erin on your sides instead of Axl. Erin was absolutely lovely, you contemplated taking her for yourself and getting back at Axl. Or just taking her for yourself. You we're still heart sore and annoyed at Axl, with every word he spoke your malicious thoughts of getting back at him got worse and worse. Would he even care? He better. "If you weren't in the music business, what would you do?" Erin asked. You were about to speak but Axl spoke over you. "Some Rocket Science things. That's why we call her our Rocket Queen." He spoke. You coughed a little nearly choking as you remembered one of the stories behind the song Rocket Queen that they haven't even made yet. "That's so cool!" She responded. You smiled at her. "I can speak for myself Axl." You said with malice. "Geez, what's got you so riled up?" he asked as he laughed. You didn't know if he knew what he was doing was getting on your nerves, but he loved doing it. You rolled your eyes. "Stop listening in to our convos babe." She said as she playfully hit him. The pet name hurt you even more, but at least he was getting smacked. "Steven can you sit next to Axl so he can't eavesdrop?" You asked Steven, and he agreed and moved to the other side. You and Erin chatted more, as the guys were talking in their own world, it felt good to have another girl to talk to, you realised just how much more immature boys were. "So... Which one is your favourite?" She asked as she nudged you. "Oh, no no I can't choose," You giggled "Steven definitely. Oh, and maybe Duff as second" You whispered to her. "And the others?" She giggled "Izzy hates me for I don't know what reason. Slash doesn't warn anyone when he's bringing someone over, so I always get to hear the noises he makes." You giggled as you rolled your eyes. "And Axl just getting on my nerves sometimes." You added. "I don't know, I think Izzy has thing for you." She spoke. You stared at her with wide eyes and a 'what the fuck' expression on your face. You nearly burst out laughing. "Seriously! Look, every time he takes a sip of his drink, he looks at you." She whispered. You scoffed lightly at her in disbelief. "Look!" She whisper shouted. Both of you looked at Izzy who sat at the other side of the table. He took his glass, lifted it to his mouth and took a sip, his eyes then glanced to your end of the table. He saw the two of you looking back at him, and he quickly glanced back at the other guys while coughing slightly as he nearly choked on his drink. Your mouth was slightly a gape as you looked back at Erin, and she had the most shit eating grin ever and was about to giggle her ass off just like you were. She snorted then you did, it didn't take long till the two of you were laughing uncontrollably, not being able to breathe soon after. Izzy quickly made his way out of the booth seeing this scene unravel and he went to the bathroom. The rest of the band were looking at you two going mental.
You soon calmed down, but you didn't explain to the rest what happened. Axl looked a little irritated, but you didn't notice as you were having too much fun with Erin. Izzy soon came back also looking irritated but much more than Axl. You two didn't giggle more at him just encase he might go off on you. "But who do you like?" She asked. "Didn't you already ask me this?" You raised an eyebrow. "I mean like. Like, like you know?" She explained. Shit. You couldn't say it. "I can't date any of them. I'm their manager." You told her. "Yeah, but you can still like one of them. It's not illegal." She responded. "Nah, I couldn't." you said. 'Wise words, should have listened to them sooner.' You thought. "Come on! What about the tall one? He's been taking peeks at you too." She said. You blushed a bit, you had an initial crush on him, but you still couldn't pursue it. You looked at Duff who was talking amongst the group, then glanced at Axl who sat next to him. If Axl didn't care about you, then he wouldn't mind you getting closer with Duff. Right?
You all drank some more and talked some more. Izzy starred daggers at you the whole time. You didn't realise as you were talking to Erin and Duff over the table. It was soon time to leave, and you were innocently flirting with Duff as you were walking to the exit. Axl noticed and his intoxicated rage filled eyes glared at the sight of you two, and his anger burned brighter as Duff laid his hand on your shoulder as he sweet talked you and you giggled in response. Erin left to her own apartment as you were halfway home, Axl didn't even seem to acknowledge that. Or even get the slightest bit of excitement when offered going to her place to do some unspeakable business. He just grunted a 'bye' and continued to hang his head with distain as he continued walking. He gets like this when he's off his head drunk, but not when naked women are involved. You got home and everyone went to their respective rooms. You took Duffs hand and leaded him to your shared room, you were drunk and wanted to have fun, and especially get on Axl's nerves. Duff was more than happy to endorse what you were about to do. "Wait. I need to talk to you." Axl said. You rolled your eyes and sighed. You nudged your head at Duff to go to the room. You rested your back on the nearest wall and crossed your arms, as you gave a tired look at Axl. "Mhm?" You started. "What do you think you're getting at?" He accused. "I don't understand." You responded in a sarcastic annoyed tone back at him. "Why are you so angry? You have a girlfriend now. You should be ecstatic!" You waved your hand as you spoke. He huffed slightly, being at a loss for words. "Go on...?" You urged. Nothing. You got up off the wall about to walk to the room. "Just, don't hurt her." You said to him in a lighter serious tone. "Don't go kissing her and then leaving her for another girl the next week." You said as began walking. He did not like that. He started to speak up. "You ain't the fucking first. Just remember that." He shouted down at you. You knew you weren't, but you really wanted to be.
You did get back to the room, tired from the mental drainage that's been this night. Duff was half-way undressed but he was passed out hard on the bed. You sighed in relief as you put the covers over him and tucked yourself into bed next to his.
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Any Fan's Dream, Part 16
Any Fan's Dream Masterlist
Synopsis:
When you look around and see Avengers Tower in front of you and Peter Parker beside you, you wonder how the hell you managed to get into the MCU.
Taglist: @secretly-sirens, @zeeader, @imdoingathingmom, @x-theolivia, @ainsley-official, @huntress-artemiss, @hoohoohope, @ourgoddessathena, @wiintaersoldier, @vine-enthusiast, @afraidofshrimp, @myfturn, @im-better-than-your-newborn, @mynightandstars, @mjaudrey, @igotthisasajokeyetimstillhere, @starr60, @coldmermaidhologram, @daenerysluvrr, @viperchick47, @marvelwomen-arehot
"What were you thinking?" Natasha paced the room, her controlled voice contrasting her angry movements.
Under normal circumstances, you would be completely distraught and self-deprecating if Natasha Romanoff was upset with you, but these were anything but normal circumstances. You had no doubt the guilt would register soon, but at the moment, you were too lost in your head.
They left you.
How the fuck were you gonna help now?
You knew that soon, tomorrow most likely (if Tony's deal with Ross still happened), the team would be fighting. It made you angry to think about how Peter would be dragged into the fight by Tony/ You had to do something but you didn't see any chance that Natasha would let you out of her sights. You couldn't just sneak out again. Not with Natasha watching over you and Tony's security system.
"What are you thinking about?" The sheer amount of exasperation in her voice made you look up.
"I'm sorry, Nat," you mumbled.
Her face softened. "(y/n), please, talk to me. Are you okay?"
'Are you okay?'
Well, you never could answer that question quite honestly.
"I'm just..." your voice faltered, soft and grieving, "...they left me. How did this happen?"
Natasha felt her heart break at the hopeless look in your eyes, your voice the voice of someone who was giving up. She sat down beside you, the couch sinking beneath her weight.
Looking you dead in the eyes, she said, "None of this is your fault. Okay? None of it."
You shook your head, barely able to keep the tears from escaping. "It is. All of it. I should've been able to stop it."
"How? How was one person going to change this? (y/n), you can't see the future, and even if you could, this was going to happen. After all the things that have happened, there was no avoiding this." Nat wrapped her arms around you, letting you rest your head on her shoulder. "Listen, (y/n), you haven't done anything wrong."
You sobbed, tears escaping your eyes at her words. You hurriedly tried to wipe them, not wanting to ruin Nat's shirt. "It's all my fault. I should've stopped it."
"Hey, no, no. Don't think that. This isn't your fault, okay?" Natasha rubbed your back soothingly, trying to provide whatever comfort she could.
You wanted to believe her.
But you couldn't.
Not when you knew the timeline backwards and forward, not when you'd been obsessed with the MCU for years, dreaming of meeting your heroes for so long you couldn't remember ever wanting anything else.
But you had already broken down enough. It didn't matter if you felt like shit, your guilt building daily. You would use that guilt, you would use whatever you could to make sure that it didn't end the same.
So you forced yourself to stop the tears, pulling away from Natasha reluctantly and drying your face with your sleeve.
"Nat, do you really think that signing the Accords will help?"
If she was anyone else, someone not quite as good at hiding their emotions, she would've stiffened. Instead, she looked at you, surprised. "I don't think that matters right now. You shouldn't worry about this stuff, you should be resting."
It was apparent she didn't want to talk about it, but you needed to know. "Do you, Nat? Like, you believe that everything will be better if you sign that thing? Speaking of, there's no way that it's legal to spring all that on you guys with only three days notice, is there? And even if there is, it's bullshit."
"There's not many options, (y/n)."
"I know, which is ridiculous. You all have saved the world multiple times and now they're tryna punish you for it. How is that fair?"
She smiled sadly. "Not everybody cares about what's fair."
Unfortunately, you knew that fact all too well.
~~
Natasha couldn’t believe you had done that-
Snuck out, snuck in to a government building, then ran around with some fugitives, all of it the day after getting a concussion.
How could you be so reckless? She knew you were smart, knew you understood the risks to your health, the dangers of hanging around people wanted by over 110 countries, people who were being hunted by some not-so-friendly soldiers.
When she had received the call that you had arrived at the building and you weren’t answering her calls, she knew what was happening.
But she knew why you did it.
Of course she knew.
At times, Natasha also felt like saying “fuck the world” and running off with her new family.
But she couldn’t do that- not like before. There was too much at risk. Too many people could get hurt. Hell, you were already hurt.
There were too many things wrong, too many dangers of not signing the Accords. And sure, she knew that the UN had deliberately informed them only days before to ensure their cooperation, but she also knew she couldn’t do anything about that shit.
And the reality was, the Avengers did deserve to be held accountable. Even Steve understood that. The problem was that the UN wasn’t just demanding their accountability, it was also demanding total control of everything they did. That’s the part she had a problem with, and also the part Steve had acted out on.
They wanted to treat the Avengers like their own personal group of attack dogs- just as Hydra had done to the Winter Soldier.
But Natasha knew just how far the governments would go to have them under control, she’d seen the things people in power would do for control, she couldn’t allow that sort of danger to happen to the people she loved.
Even if she didn’t agree, for the moment, she knew she would go along with the Accords.
If only to keep the people she cared about safe.
~~
You looked up when you heard the phone ring.
For once, it wasn't your phone going off. It was Natasha's. Well, you had smashed your phone so that option was out.
Wait-
Smashed the phone. The phone Tony gave you. The new phone. Fuuuck.
"What, Tony?" Natasha said, answering the call.
You watched, trying to see if her body language gave away anything. But then it was Natasha Romanoff, so of course her body language didn't betray anything.
Even when Nat ended the call, you still knew just about nothing concerning what she had been talking about with Tony. That was, until she looked at you and sighed.
~~
"Why am I here again?" Your voice was nervous, appropriate since you were back in the building you had snuck into earlier. You felt like you were in trouble and your stomach felt like someone was jumping around inside it.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe so you don't run off with people wanted by the law again?"
That's fair.
You were pretty sure you knew why Natasha had had to meet Tony.
~~
"I don't suppose you have any idea where they are?" The Secretary's question was loaded with dissatisfaction.
You were already fuming just standing in the presence of the man.
"We will. GSG-9's got the borders covered. Recon's flying 24/7. They'll get a hit. We'll handle it." Tony was trying to reason with the dumbass man.
"You don't get it, Stark. It's not yours to handle. It's clear you can't be objective. I'm putting Special Ops on this."
You gritted your teeth, barely able to restrain yourself from erupting at the man. Natasha had reluctantly brought you there and she would not be happy if you started another argument with Ross.
Natasha spoke up. "What happens when the shooting starts? What, do you kill Steve Rogers?"
"If we're provoked. Barnes would've been eliminated in Romania if it wasn't for Rogers. There are dead people who would be alive now. Feel free to check my math."
You know what? Fuck it.
"'If it wasn't for Rogers', yeah, you know what else would've happened if it wasn't for him?” The eyes of three other people drew to you at you words, all with different looks behind their gaze. "Do you have any actual appreciation for the man? He sacrificed so much for what he believed in, saving countless lives. And he never tried to nuke a city with millions of people in it. Tell me how he's the villain in this situation."
Ross's jaw ticked. "The situations are entirely different. And you keep bringing up the same thing, seems like children really can't get over anything."
For a moment, you were truly speechless.
Did this cranberry fucknugget just imply that nuking New York was something that you could just "get over"?
"You're a piece of shit." Your voice showed exactly how astonished and disgusted you were. "You really think that genocide is something that people should just 'get over'? Do you have no appreciation for human life? Fuck, and you're saying the Avengers are reckless and have no accountability. Where's your accountability you fucking asshole?"
You were seething, quite possibly the angriest you had ever been.
Did this shitstain hear himself?
"Who do you think you're talking to? I'm the Secretary of State of the United States of America. You're just a random kid who thinks they actually know something about the world. Well, guess what, sweetheart? The adults are talking."
You had never wanted more to hit someone than you did at that moment. Your fists were already clenched and you were right on the fucking edge of just letting loose and beating the old fucker.
You weren't the only person who was close to going off on the bastard.
"'Adults'? Really?" you scoffed. "Sure doesn't seem like you, you dumbfucker. You think that murdering millions is something that anybody should just get over, you inconsiderate shitstain."
"Stark, get a hold of your pet," Ross sneered at you.
Natasha had watched you go off on the stain of humanity but couldn't stand by any longer, even if you were perfectly capable of cursing him to hell and back.
Tony looked at Natasha and gulped.
She looked willing to kill.
"I would recommend shutting up if you want to leave alive, Secretary." Tony enunciated the word, ensuring that Ross knew just how little he gave a fuck about his position.
"Is that a threat?" Ross was uneasy but trying to remain confident, unfortunately for him, all his bluster was falling short.
"A threat? That?" Tony laughed. "No. But I do think that look is." He nodded to Natasha's expression.
When Ross saw the way Natasha was looking at him, he was reminded exactly who the most dangerous person in the room was. It wasn't the fuming teenager berating him, nor was it the billionaire glaring at him, it was the woman who had been scarily silent the whole time.
"We will get Rogers back." Natasha's words left no room for argument. "You will give us three days to gather them before sending out the guns."
Ross sputtered. "Three days? What? Are you crazy?" His protests died out the longer Natasha looked at him. He cleared his throat. "Fine. Three days. All of them."
And he left the room, trying to make it look like he hadn't been two seconds away from shitting himself. He didn't like Stark very much, but at least he knew how to handle him. He didn't think he could handle you or Romanoff. The two of you looked at him like you could snap his neck and enjoy it.
With the cockroach gone, you could finally unclench your fists. You had been so fucking close to throwing hands and while you appreciated Natasha standing up for you, you were sure you would've enjoyed cursing out the stupid ass-monkey to make sure he understood what a shit human he really was.
Although, you had something much more important to focus on.
He had given Nat and Tony three days. Three. In the movie, he had given them half that.
Which meant that despite how little it felt like it, things were changing, and at that point, you didn't care if it was directly your doing.
Now, you had a bit more hope. With a little extra time, maybe you could help the team. You just needed to find a way to convince Tony and Steve to come to some sort of agreement, of course, Steve didn't really have a problem with compromise, but he had a major problem with the abuse of power the Accords were asking for. So you needed to figure out a way for the Accords to change. After all, none of the Avengers had a problem with taking accountability, but they would need permission from the UN for any actions they tried to take and that could mean deaths that should've been avoided.
Yes, mistakes had been made by the Avengers, especially by Tony, but the Accords weren't just. Tony was signing them out of his own guilt, because of Sokovia. And after what his actions led to, he definitely needed more regulation, but imposing those same restrictions on the rest of the team wasn't fair.
It wasn't right and it could mean the death of countless people as a result, it was no mystery why Steve hadn't been on-board. Tony just wanted a quick fix for all the mistakes he'd made, Steve understood that the Accords wouldn't fix everything and even more people would be put at risk.
"The Accords have to change," you stated firmly.
Tony opened his mouth, ready to retort, but he stopped. He wanted to hear what you were going to say. He had allowed his guilt to influence his own decisions but he couldn't force anyone else to do something because of his mistakes.
You thought of the raft prison in the middle of the ocean, of the way Wanda had looked restrained and most likely drugged. "They aren't right. Look through the papers, there's so much morally wrong with it. I looked through them," you lied, "it mentions a raft prison in the middle of the ocean if you don't comply and they have the right to restrain you and hurt you as much as they think is justified."
Natasha had learned better than to be shocked by the atrocities of the government and so she believed you whole-heartedly, even if she didn't want to think that after everything, people still wanted to treat them like monsters rather than humans.
You continued, desperately trying to make them see how wrong everything was so they could help you make it right. "You can't force Steve to basically sign away all his human rights- you should never ask anyone to do that. This shit is all so deeply flawed and you can't just go along with it. How many people will suffer because of this thing? Because none of you can do anything without the permission of the UN? Taking accountability and being kept in check is fine, but how is keeping all of you as mindless soldiers without a single shred of autonomy any better than how Hydra used the Winter Soldier?"
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pep talk (e.m)
Eddie Munson x reader
ft. Uncle Wayne
summary: sometimes all you need is to buckle down and work all through the night, fortunately someone else is also around at the early hours of the morning to give you a much needed pep talk.
contains: self-doubt, overworking, fluffy fluff, i genuinely don't know what else to add lol
word count: 1.2K
@ghosttownwherenoonegoes for you, my dear. please take care of yourself, you're doing so well! The Munsons would be so proud of you🤍
nav
~~~~~~
“sweets… why don’t you take a break?”
“don’t have time for a break, Eds. I gotta catch up, I’m so behind!”
“you’ve been studying for hours, I’m sure you’re plenty caught up for tonight.”
“Eddie. please, I really need to get this done.” you turn your eyes away from the textbook, seeing his defeated look and it makes your chest pang with guilt.
why didn’t you do it earlier?
why did you take on more than you knew you could handle?
you should be spending time with him.
“okay, just come to bed soon.” he leans down to kiss the top of your head before making his way into the bedroom, leaving you at the dining table with nothing but the quiet murmurs outside the trailer to distract you.
soon doesn’t come though, as you find yourself in a steady groove. powered only by too much coffee and sheer willpower.
you don't even notice the time until you hear a familiar pair of boots making their way up the stairs to the trailer’s front door.
there was no way you stayed up all night?
oh but you had, and it only made you grow even more frustrated with yourself.
“mornin’, kid. didn't expect you to be up yet.” Uncle Wayne trudges through the trailer, eyeing the table you had cluttered with many textbooks and journals.
“didn't exactly go to sleep...” a heavy sigh following your words.
“well, maybe you're just a night owl like me.”
“I don't think I can do it anymore.” you admit with a toss of your pen onto the table. feeling completely overwhelmed by the amount of work you still have yet to do.
“do what?” he pries, sitting beside you in a dining chair. he begins taking off his boots, waiting for you to explain.
“this.” you answer, gesturing your hands to the mound of homework assignments.
“I just feel like I’m in a never-ending cycle of work, school, work, school. when do I get to do things I enjoy? when do I get to spend time with Eddie or you? this is the first time I've seen you in a week because usually before you even get home from work I’m on my way to my job. and then by the time I finally make my way back you've left for your shift. and Eddie is being so patient with me, but I know he's upset that I haven't been spending any time with him.”
you pause to catch your breath, having said it all in one and certainly too fast. he thinks of starting to speak but holds off knowing you're not quite done with your vent.
that’s Wayne’s thing, he’s a listener first and a problem solver second. always more than willing to offer a solution to whatever you need help with but never cutting you off.
“I just don't think I can do it all anymore. it’s too much pressure.” you finish, looking over to see a very empathetic Uncle Wayne locking eyes with you. seeing the tears welling up in your eyes makes his heart ache for you.
“listen kiddo, I know it’s hard right now. shit’s stressful, s’all part of growin’ up. unfortunately there’s not much I can change about that.” his hand comes around to pat you the shoulder, trying to comfort you just as the tears breach your eye-line.
“but I know you’ll regret your decision. hell, I wish I had just half the perseverance you do to finish school. you've already worked so hard to get to this point, don't give up on your dreams.”
“but with work I—”
“I told ya to lessen your hours at your job!” he chuckles lowly, attempting to lighten the mood but quickly speaks up again before you argue.
“you should just worry about school, let me and Eddie help take care of ya. s’what we like to do. family helps family, and that means I’m not gonna let you quit on yourself. even if it means I gotta come home from work and give you a pep talk every mornin’. but I’d much rather you sleep at night, nightshift ages ya.”
you sit with his words for a moment, contemplating. sure, it would be amazing to only have to worry about your studies, but was it logically the best option?
“just sleep on it.” Wayne interrupts your train of thought. “don’t make any big decisions on exhaustion.”
“yeah… yeah, you’re right. I should get some sleep.” you sigh, slowly standing up from the table and stretching your sore back.
“sleep tight, darlin’.” he hugs you tightly, knowing you needed it. he is proven right once again when he first attempts to release you, but your grip stays tight on him. he doesn’t mind though, he’s always happy to comfort you when you need it.
“thank you.” you whisper before letting him go. he gives a single nod in reply before you turn to walk to the bedroom.
the door creaks open louder than you had hoped, but Eddie didn’t stir at all at the sound. you pad across the bedroom to your side of the bed, slipping under the covers which engulfed you in the scent of your boyfriend.
unfortunately as soon as you relax into the mattress, he immediately notices your presence.
“baby…” his voice quiet and slightly whiney.
“hi Eds.” you whisper back, wiggling into his arms.
“what time is it?”
“um… well, Wayne is home.” you answer honestly, despite his request for you to go to bed with him.
“did you get your work done?”
he doesn’t scold you, and he doesn’t complain that you never showed up last night, something you’ve always appreciated about him. he doesn’t hold anything against you because at the end of the day, or perhaps the beginning in today’s case, he only wants you to do what you love.
he doesn’t want you to give up on your dreams and passions because he knows this is what you want. you’ve worked so hard and he would never want to hold you back, especially since you’ve never once stopped him from following his own dreams.
“I got enough done for now.” you answer with a yawn, cozying into his body even more.
“sounds like you were cryin’, baby. you okay?”
“yeah, I’m okay. Uncle Wayne gave me a pep talk, helped me with something.”
“he’s a good man.” you know he’s smiling, you can hear it in his voice.
His uncle, his dad, is known for giving the best pep talks in the house. it’s no surprise he gave you one when he walked into the trailer this morning, seeing as he’s given you quite a few already and you’ve overheard his chats with Eddie.
“he really is. I don’t deserve him.”
“uh yes you do. we all deserve an Uncle Wayne, you just lucked out like me and got the real deal.”
“yeah, I really did get lucky ending up in a family with the two of you.” you yawn once again as you speak, exhaustion finally sinking in.
and you meant every word you said. The Munsons were your family, and Wayne took you in without a second thought and wide-open arms, because his son loved you. you could never fully find the words to express your gratitude to him. but it was okay, because he already knew, and that alone was more than enough for him.
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Ryme City Sylveon
This is Vivi. He’s my Sylveon partner.
Not enough people talk about the Ryme City Incident.
I don't blame 'em. Hell, Ryme City doesn't wanna talk about the Ryme City Incident. Enough near-world shattering crises happen across all the regions on a semi-annual basis that, honestly, our little spat must have seemed comparatively minor. The bullshit with Chairman Rose and Galar literally happened like not even a year later, and what happened here quickly became history. Doesn't change the fact that I've had to take years of therapy just to get to the point where I'm comfortable talking about it, or at the least blogging about it. So... hey, here we are.
I was a Sylveon.
I'd like to talk about that, at least, in the best way written words can allow.
It lasted maybe ten minutes, fifteen tops? I didn't even want to attend the damn parade, but my job had me stationed downtown and it was a big city holiday, so I brought Vivi (the Sylveon in question) with me, found a table at a cafe whose name I can't remember, and decided to just relax. The floats go up, and next thing I know, R Gas is flooding the streets, and my normally sweet and bubbly partner is going fucking feral. I try to calm him down, and then-
I remember recovering from the disorientation. Being on all fours, and the ribbon-feelers in my view. I remember panicking, stumbling on unfamiliar legs. I remember the feedback loop from my own panic as a feeler touched my own head. I remember seeing Vivi's reflection in a tinted window, but not my own, and it all fucking registered then and there. "Holy shit, I'm a Sylveon. I'm Vivi." No, I'm not dreaming. Yes, this is real. I remember just staying stock still, not moving, not doing anything, in utter disbelief at what I was looking at. That lasted maybe a few minutes before I hear someone saying to get out of the gas, I turn and see it's an Arcanine. How the fuck do I understand what an Arcanine is saying? Oh right, I'm a Sylveon, that would explain it. What the fuck is going on!? We crowded around a clear part of the sidewalk, the Arcanine, who I presume is a RCPD Officer, and is just as disoriented as I am, is just trying to keep us in order, asking us if we remember our names, our homes, that sort of thing. Normally I'm an ACAB sort of guy, but bless this dude in particular, he tried so hard.
And then it hits me, "Wait, what the hell happened to my Vivi." I'm in his body, but I don't know what happened to his mind. And frankly, that scares me more. There's no universe where this is okay to begin with, but definitely not if it cost me my actual Sylveon. I'm cognizant enough to not begin screaming for him like he's lost. I recognize I am him. But I still miss him.
As I'm putting all that together, I think the gas finally starts wearing off and... This is where words kind of fail, but, I sensed him, I feel his mind or consciousness or whatever rubbing against mine, and the sheer relief we felt, and then the confusion, and then just... acceptance. Joy. Love.
The Love.
We take that shit for granted.
I will repeat myself.
We take that shit for granted.
If you have a Sylveon partner, I guarantee whatever amount of love and adoration you feel for it is not even a fraction of a fraction of the love it feels for you. I'm not even trying to undersell you. I'm sure you love your partner dearly. Sylveon really is a somewhat unique case. Eevee has to love you in order to evolve into a Sylveon. And when you return and reward that love in kind, It's just...
I'm crying as I remember this.
For maybe a few minutes, I felt and truly understood just how much Vivi loves me. How much it dominates his being, his soul, his very fucking essence. I felt literal Infinity Energy channeled in the form of Love. And no, it wasn't anything untoward. I don't wanna marry my Sylveon or anything and he doesn't wanna marry me. But he was so ride-or-die that his consciousness taking a back seat to my mind and soul piloting his body didn't bother him in the slightest. Shit, it excited him, because he realized he got to share his feelings for me in a way that would have otherwise been impossible, and sweet Arceus did he share.
And then Mewtwo broke the spell, and it was over. Our minds split apart and I had my body back. We just stood and stared at each other. Vivi eventually got brave enough to grab me with a ribbon and...
We hugged for a long, long time when we got home.
How do you answer that? How do you live after feeling love like that, raw and unfiltered, and having it sheared away? Knowing your Pokémon loves you in inexpressible, infinite, uncontrollable ways that makes your own love for it in return pale in comparison? In the aftermath, there were some days where I just couldn't look Vivi in the eyes because I felt like I didn't deserve him.
I can't. Match. That.
And there was fucking nothing I could do about it. It depressed me for years and still does. What could I do? What, leave him? Push him away? Resent it? Fuck no. Those feelings are a fucking gift and it took me a long time to understand that fully. He wouldn't have that love if my own pitiful-in-comparison love didn't spark his evolution. Not a day goes by I wish 5/10 didn't happen. But in the same vein, I appreciate that it did. Howard's vision was misguided, flawed to its core, and despicable. Being my Sylveon was terrifying, wondrous, and beautiful. I'm almost certain I'll never feel love like that in my life ever again, and I'm resigned to live with it. But I am happy, overjoyed even, to know it's there, directed at me and no one else.
I love my Sylveon. And he - capital "L"- Loves me.
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What would you say are things Leon is afraid of?
I think Leon's fears are made up entirely of intangible concepts. Like, he doesn't have normal people fears like snakes or clowns or heights.
There's, of course, the really easy obvious fears you can assign to him, like watching someone he loves die while knowing he could've saved them, or whatever bullshit hero thing, but like.
But I think, more than anything, Leon is afraid of himself.
Leon is, theoretically, one of the most powerful men in the world by the time of RE6 and beyond, but he refuses to see himself that way. This is a man with the power to topple the entire US government and destabilize the whole world order as a result -- and he wouldn't even have to really try. It wouldn't take him more than a day.
Because Leon doesn't just have knowledge and information at his disposal. He has the respect of basically every single federal LEO the US has to offer -- and, likely, also a decent chunk of the highest-ranking military officers. When he talks, people listen. And, in RE6, the tiniest baby rookie in the Secret Service named Helena Harper specifically sought him out after she was coerced into doing illegal shit and framed because, if there was any one person in the entire US federal government who could dig her out of the hole that she was in and clear her name just with the power of his word alone and the weight that it carried, it was DSO Special Agent Leon Kennedy.
If he wanted to start a civil war, he could.
Buuuut instead, he sits around drinking himself to death and wondering why his life ended up this way and feeling so completely and utterly trapped.
Acknowledging that he has that power terrifies him, because he has spent so much of his adult life feeling utterly powerless.
I don't think Leon ever learned how to trust his own judgement again after the events of RE2. He learned how to trust his gut and his instinct, and that's what's kept him alive -- but he hasn't made a single major life decision at all since he turned to Claire on the side of the road outside of Raccoon City and told her to leave Sherry with him and go find Chris.
If he were to wake up and acknowledge the sheer amount of power and autonomy he actually had, he would feel obligated to use it, and that is terrifying to him, because he doesn't trust that he'll make the right decisions and use it well.
And I think that's a major reason why he doesn't let anyone ever get close to him, either. If anyone ever got too close to him, they'd see the truth: that he's a spineless coward who has never once stood up for himself in his entire adult life. And if they saw that truth, then he'd have to see it, too -- and to accept that truth would also mean accepting that he does have the power to take control of his life and change his circumstances.
The sad reality is that Leon would rather be alone and live the life of a resentful burnout than make his own decisions, because it's less scary this way.
And it's really time he faced those fears.
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On the topic of speedrunning friends, hoo boy do I have a story for you.
It is so, so important to assert your boundaries if you find someone doing that to you, or even if you find yourself organically getting close weirdly quickly. A few years ago I made a friend online that I really hit it off with, same flavor of ND, same obsessions, had a ton of things in common, similar outlook on life, only person in the world I'd be inclined to call a soulmate at the time. Within half a year of meeting them I felt we were close enough to make them co-admin of fandom blog I run. Then they were traveling and wanted to send me a postcard from the location they were visiting, and were so excited about it I felt awkward about going "actually I'd rather not give out my address just yet" and turning them down. I also felt a little weird trying to set boundaries with them, because they were significantly younger than me, so me trying to "protect" myself from them felt silly if that makes sense? In the end, I felt awkward enough that I didn't even read the postcard, which should have been a red flag to myself at the time.
In hindsight - when that friendship crashed and burned - saying yes to the postcard was one of the times I wish I'd slowed things down and asserted my boundaries early on. Not only did they later resent me for not telling them when we did eventually have that conversation, it also made it harder to push back when they got SUPER controlling. I could easily fill ten pages just talking about it, but they devolved into spiraling over any perceived or real change in me or in our fandom community, because it meant things were Changing and change was always for the worst because it meant they would end up abandoned and alone.
I broke things off when their fear of abandonment came to dominate every single conversation, including conversations about shitty things they'd said to me due to said fear of abandonment.
In hindsight, they're probably suffering from rampant undiagnosed and unmanaged BPD. I hope they're getting help and working on it (though from their socials, it doesn't look like it), but for the longest time I also blamed myself for letting things get so far, for all the times I responded to their antics by trying to comfort and educate them (again, I'm older but could relate a lot to what they were going through so a lot of the time I was operating on a sort of "if I don't understand them and help them overcome this, who will?" logic) instead of setting boundaries. I mean, I still blame myself, but enough time has passed that I no longer feel like shit about it. On the flip side, I was utterly flabbargasted by the sheer amount of delayed anger at them I developed over the next few years, after we stopped talking. When I broke the friendship off, it had been a difficult decision but a huge relief at the time. A year later I was mad at myself for not breaking it off months earlier and, upon rereading old messages, couldn't believe I'd let them say all that shit to me and had still kept talking to them afterwards.
Anyway, lesson of the day: Don't rush into friendship milestones if you feel uncomfortable, even if you feel like you "should" for whatever reason. Also, while we're at it, if you're in your mid twenties maybe don't become close friends with someone in their late teens? Even if you don't feel the age difference because you're too much of a disaster to feel like a Proper Adult(TM), trust me, it's there and makes it easier for things to get weird and toxic and codependent. A teenager who latches onto your friendship that fast is looking for a parent of the kind the never had, not a friend.
--
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there are several things about the dragons that feel too pointed to not have an affect on the later plot, i think the problem here is what parts are about the dragons themselves and what parts are perhaps foreshadowing the fates of a human character right. the ones that feel relevant to me are
Vhagar/Syrax/Caraxes threesome. Not only does Barth mention sex changing (and is completely dismissed as nonsense, that’s such a clear sign lol) but Gyldayn’s insistence that Caraxes HAD to have impregnated Syrax makes me believe it HAS to be true that Vhagar was the real daddy.
Vermax laying a clutch of eggs in Winterfell. Come on. like come on. come onnnnnnnn.
Sunfyre following Aegon to Dragonstone and Aegon losing his shit and nearly executing Baela after Sunfyre dies, although I feel more confident in saying I do believe this is foreshadowing something heartbreaking about the Drogon/Dany bond most likely.
The amount of crashing to the ground on your dragon in the dance makes me crazy. The specific dynamics of the Daemon/Aemond fight are interesting but might have been just George getting carried away about his lil meow meows fighting but this being followed up by the emphasis on Aegon attempting to jump from Sunfyre to spare them both and ultimately (though accidentally) just ensuring they will both be in agony for the rest of their short lives + Baela staying on Moondancer the whole way down and surviving but at the cost of her dragon’s life, I really think we are going to get some DETAILS about the pros & cons of jumping vs staying on & watch someone actually attempt one or the other in the main series.
Rhaena & Morning being the last dragon riders but NOT the last dragon bond. Whoever it is (I think Daena or Naerys but I would bet real money on the dragon bonding with a woman and not a man) is gonna be emotional about the loss of the last dragon, but I think both of those dynamics - last rider and last dragon - mean something for the three in the modern day as well.
Just the fate of Balerion, Meraxes, and Vhagar in general. Death via [dornish] arrow, death via dragon fight, death via old age, that’s gotta mean something.
Silverwing refusing to cross the Wall is going to be extremely relevant I know it.
Storming of the Dragonpit in general but especially with the combination of the storming coming with KL falling into chaos and the rule by three peasant courts makes me suspicious that a starving mob of smallfolk are going to rip apart and eat a dragon.
the belief that the dragon pit kept the dragons small and confinement in general - I think it's already relevant when you think about the size differences between Drogon, Viserion, and Rhaegal but I do wonder if it's going to be even more relevant as Drogon continues growing unimpeded.
Then there’s stuff i Think might be relevant but i’m unsure
Syrax kicking Joffrey off (the fact that Joffrey AND Maelor both have a “death via mob” type scene is also fascinating)
The sheer amount of missing bodies/bodies showing up long after the war - Aemond & Vhagar, Daemon & Caraxes, Lucerys & Arrax, even Rhaenys completely burnt body. Just comes up way too much and I know it's because the fights are happening high up in the air and often over water but why are all these fights happening over water hmmmmmmmmmmmm. SUSPICIOUS!!
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anyway so I finished the main storyline of Pokemon Scarlet today and I’m just. I’m. yeah.
spoilers below
yeah before anything starts just, if you played Violet replace Sada for Turo and Koraidon for Miraidon, I’m tired. it’s 6:05am as I’m writing this and I’m losing it.
man I don’t even know what to say. the amount of sheer emotional damage I took all throughout Area Zero.
I mean, just??? something must’ve fucking gone wrong. like, there’s the one journal entry where she specifically says that Sada’s excited to have a kid. shit went downhill so fucking fast and there’s not really an explanation for it, like--
Turo just ups and leaves her, which is never really explained (but imo the most likely explanation was probably their views on what “paradise” was or whatever, maybe I’ll look into this more when I’m more awake). she builds an AI for herself at one point, creates a disgustingly complicated security system for her time machine all in the case that it gets shut down. at some point her rational self gets overtaken by obsession, but it happens rather quickly, and so for AI Sada to be the rational one makes sense here. I think that there’s two possibilities here, either 1. the betrayals that she goes through causes her to believe that someone would actively try to sabotage her sometime in the future, which is why she creates this intricate defense system, or 2. something in Area Zero truly causes her to go insane. and in both worlds, by the time she starts making the defense system, her dream is all she cares about protecting and carrying out, and there’s no going back.
it does start to make sense from there. it’s implied that AI Sada tried telling Sada about the negative environmental impact, and Sada just shrugged it off, saying it was natural. I wonder if Sada truly believed that to be true, considering the fact that she would later on die protecting the passive Koraidon from the aggressive one. I don’t think she genuinely believed in survival of the fittest, she was just bullshitting because she wanted to bring her dream to reality. no, at that point, she needed it.
(in a way, Arven was right. bringing the passive Koraidon back to Area Zero actually caused Sada’s death. Koraidon was, in fact, the reason why he didn’t see his mother ever again.)
doesn’t change the fact that she was, in fact, a shitty mother. but I think there’s so much more to her character than just that---I mean, Sada loved Arven. there’s no doubt about it---the AI says it and his pictures are in her labs. and she did, from time to time, send him emails. she loved him, but she completely neglected him for her work.
I saw a post earlier where someone called her selfish for absorbing herself into her work, and how she continued to be selfish as AI Sada when she went into the time machine, and I have to disagree with that.
I can understand the first part---but the second part? the post said it was selfish of her to leave Arven again. but I want to mention that it was stated, very explicitly, that AI Sada could not leave Area Zero due to the power source. the AI would have had to left Arven eventually, and considering the defense protocols, they didn’t have much time left. it would have initiated the next part of the protocol, likely forcing the player into a third battle. and considering how close the second battle was, the third would’ve almost most definitely been a defeat.
time was of the essence there. and she said what needed to be said. didn’t even hesitate before sacrificing herself.
and yes. it was a sacrifice. again, the AI cannot leave Area Zero due to the power source. if she’s traveling back in time, who the hell knows if there will even be a power source for her to even use? there is literally no way of knowing.
though, actually, now I think about it, they mentioned that if a human goes through they can’t come back to the present. what happens if an AI does it? weren’t they able to send master balls there and back?
okay I’m done rambling for now, I’ll probably post more scuffed (but much more organized) theories when I’m. you know. actually awake.
EDIT (from a more awake op): forgot that the time machine got shut down, but idk, could it be reactivated? it's not like we broke it
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Back in action! Four notes to find and... an amount of time to find them in!
Oh man, last night was a blast. Wasn't anticipating Artificer showing up with a chocolate, gooseberry, and banana pie. What a weirdass combination of flavors. Who would even?
But you know what? It worked.
I don't know why Prophet was so insistent on karaoke when he has the voice of a tortured cat.
Did you know Shopkeeper is a woman!? I've known her for 500 years and never even realized! Not once!
I wouldn't describe that as 'knowing someone for 500 years'. Though it was pretty fun to watch her kick your ass at that old Wheels machine you guys dug out.
Hey, it was my first time playing... anything like that, honestly. And you know what? I didn't lose my temper and start throwing hands, so that makes me a better student than the fucking moon. I'm choosing to be proud of that.
Oh cool. I think this was Yoyo's cottage. That's probably her pear tree with what is clearly a person imprisoned within it, ala Shopkeeper's "magic pear tree that imprisons those who steal from it" tale.
Wonder what ever happened to her? Probably died, I'm guessing. The Three Sisters are a weird metaphysical thing that happened one time but they aren't, like, immortal deities or something. I'm pretty sure they can grow old and die.
That's definitely Pyro. But I can't glide from here. And there's nothing to latch my graplou onto. What is there to...
...
I just had the worst idea ever.
HAHAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT IT DOES WORK LIKE THAT
How is the surface of the lava not melting my tabi?
Oh, they produce a weak little energy field to resist the liquid underneath. I just thought they used buoyancy. I. Realize now. What a stupid assumption that was. These are tabi, not mizugumo.
Nobody wants to talk about how they ended up at the site of their greatest fears. I'm beginning to think it's a masochism thing. They're too embarrassed to admit that they did this on purpose but then got stuck.
What.
What the fuck happened here?
Guys. Guys. Were you seriously waiting for this stupid flower to grow until you died!?
Oh my goddess, you were seriously waiting for this stupid flower to grow until you died. I will be right back, but retroactively.
...actually, while we're at it....
Fuck yes. This is a perfect spot for growing Astral Leaves. In that we know, 500 years from now, absolutely nothing will have changed.
Gonna make some tea and learn... something about... sharper eyesight? I think? I dunno, the elder somehow manages to be impressively boring when he talks. He opens his mouth and awareness flees from my brain.
...
Never mind. You two don't even know what I'm talking about. Point is, I'm going to brew a tea that's so good, I won't have to get contact lenses. ANYWAYS. Now that that's taken care of, let's tend to your dumbness.
Yes, the one that's in the ground over there. I have it right here. Please do not mind the temporal paradox; In any system of physics in which time travel is possible, there is absolutely nothing wrong with an object existing at two parallel points in space but separated by a great length of time between. Paradoxes are overrated.
Happy to be of service.
...out of curiosity, could I get a taste of that stew? I'm super curious to know what's in it.
...you know what, now that I think about it, it's visibly boiling so maybe I'll hold off until it cools.
Oh goddess, I know exactly where this is going. Guys. Guys. Let's not do anything that we're going to reg--
IS MY PELVIS SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE SHRAPNEL!?
Yeah, I had a feeling they'd punched me into one of these. What is this, the crystallized essence of my ruptured spleen?
...so. Yes. That's a yes, is what I'm hearing.
The power thistle made them so strong that their sheer overwhelming might crystallized into the tapestry of reality itself.
Okay. You know what? That's fair. If I was a Gym Bro, I'd wait 500 years for an herb like that too.
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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...
This is gonna be very hard to decide but I'll try my best. Gonna stick this under a Read More 'cause this shit boutta be long as hell:
1) Neku Sakuraba from The World Ends With You
He's the main character of the story that changed my life. He was very relatable to me at the time I first consumed TWEWY over a decade ago, and even now I still have a lot in common with him. Neku is very important to me because taught me a lot and impacted me in a way that I feel like I'd be a completely different person had I never encountered TWEWY during those formative years.
2) Kakashi Hatake from Naruto
I don't have some profound reason for Kakashi like I did Neku. But I think he was the very first character I ever became obsessed with or cared about deeper than just liking them because I liked the media they were in. And realistically, what's not to like about him.
(From here onward the accuracy of the list may dwindle because of the sheer amount of media I've consumed. I'll probably forget someone or important or simply be unable to decide, so take who I choose with a pinch of salt, especially in order. I have many faves and I am only certain about Neku and Kakashi's places on this list).
3) Sophie Hatter from Howl's Moving Castle
Because HMC is my favorite Ghibli movie I may be biased, but I always looked up to Sophie due to her strength and capacity to love free of judgments and despite any ugliness, inside or out. She's pretty, kind, brave, and tough, all the things I wanted to grow up to be as a kid when I first saw HMC.
4) Shizuku from Whisper of the Heart
Shizuku is one of my favorites for a more specific and personal reason; because we're both writers. I see in her a lot of myself when I was younger and even now. Having the desire to write something you can be proud of and satisfied with, to the point of being hard on yourself and emotional when you fall short of your own expectations. She's a complicated ball of emotions, but she's got tenacity and a love for whimsy that she puts into her writing. I just find her relatable and lovable.
5) Haruki Nakayama from Given
I just feel a spiritual connection to Haruki. We're kindred spirits, in the way we act, think, view ourselves. How we experience love and the relationship we have to our craft. He really is just like me fr.
6) The Chocobros from FFXV
Nooow I know this is cheating by including all of them, pero like... Do not separate! No but realistically, I can't choose one of them over the other because I love them all for different reasons, but I'd also be remiss to not add any of them to this list. They all had such an impact on my life, brought me joy during a particularly dark time, and their friendship and bond is something I envy and seek to have for myself someday.
7) Kotetsu T. Kaburagi from Tiger & Bunny
Would y'all crucify me if I said he's my favorite superhero across all media? I mean it honestly. Kotetsu is the embodiment of what a hero should be, his attitude, morals, and passion for helping others. He's like the perfect protag to me. He gets bonus points for being a goofy dorky single dad who's tryng his best, and is also hot.
8) Shigeo Kageyama from Mob Psycho 100
Do I even need to explain this one. Mob taught me so much about being kind and forgiving to not only others but yourself. Not many pieces of media have touched me in a way that MP100 has, and Mob fits into a lot of my favorite protag tropes. He's just a simple, sweet darling boy and he's so cherished and important to me.
9) Yona from Akatsuki no Yona
One of the female protagonists of all time. I love her for many of the same reasons I love Sophie, but she's just 10x more cool. As Spike Spiegel once said, I love a woman who can kick my ass.
10) My OC Seth Manolis
Now I realize this may be cheating but I couldn't decide on the last character, and I'd argue he technically counts according to your criteria, because he's the protag of two novels I wrote myself. I created Seth when I was 14, writing little "journal entries" about his life on Deviantart back in the day to cope with me starting high school, but over the years his story has evolved into something serious and now I'm writing a whole trilogy about him (on the third book now). He's very important to me because writing his story has got me through a lot in my life, and I put so many pieces of myself into him, although not exactly a self-insert. I can go on all day about Seth, but just know he's my special little blorbo who I don't know what I would've done without. (Art is commissioned from @/bumblevip on IG.)
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Bella & Paul Fanfic
What if Bella actually moved on after Edward left…what if she actually found something that could be just as good or better…
This is my fanfic take on the New Moon story if Bella got over Edward.
In the beginning, I had mentioned that I had never given much thought to how I would die, how it would be noble to die in place of someone I loved and although I still hold true to that notion, things have changed.
I had been in love with someone that I thought truly loved me back and I was sorely mistaken; and even though it has taken me time to realize my clear misguided infatuation, I can safely say now that it was never more than that: infatuation. Because here, in this moment, as I truly face death, I don't find myself at peace or in a space of being noble. I'm angry and I'm terrified. I look down at the man that was meant to be forever, his dark hair matted with blood, his dark eyes pleading with mine to not go, to not do what I have to do in order to make things right and I am run through with a cacophony of emotions: fury that I didn't have enough time, joy that I had any of it, laughter at the sheer irony of everything, and bittersweet sadness that this is actually the end. I slowly walk away from him and look up into the crimson irises of the three that are sealing my fate as I know it, and I don't feel peaceful or noble. I just wish I was strong enough to snap their necks, to make them feel as helpless and vulnerable as I feel as a human being. I stand before them and I want vengeance for what they've done to my life, to his life, hearing his baritone voice behind me pleading as he bleeds on the ground to run, to save myself, begging me....
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry it has come to this. I wish I could change how everything started but then maybe I wouldn't have met him, the one I was meant for in the end; and even though my life ends at only eighteen, I'm glad I got to experience some of it with him; but this has always been how it was meant to end; my karmic debt paid in blood for being seduced by Edward Cullen. Enough is enough. The wolves have done far too much for me and I'm tired of hiding; tired of being the one people feel obligated to protect.
I was just glad to know the truth in the end. To find him and really know what love feels like, to feel the freedom that true unbridled desire can relinquish from an anguished heart and to know that despite the fact that I am mortal, the experience of feeling blissful extraordinary love, that alone will live forever.
***
I woke up this morning feeling like shit.
Although that has been the case every morning since Edward left and I collapsed into a void of despair, today's shit feeling is acutely related to the amount of whiskey I imbibed last night. The throb in my temples is pulsating so much that I think my eardrums may rupture and my mouth waters with nausea. Every time I tell myself, "I will never drink again," after the aspirin kicks in, I have a shower, and some coffee, I'll be back at the bottle when the day is done.
One would think that after a few months of self-pitying and wallowing, I'd find a way to get over things, but I am remarkably stubborn I suppose. Perhaps I've found that being this darker, more melancholy version is actually a truer version of myself. Edward left in September after my eighteenth birthday (further solidifying my hatred of celebrating my birthday), and seeing as it is now Thanksgiving, I should be getting over things, so Google says.
Jacob has been coming to see me, which I suppose is nice. He has this remarkable way of making me laugh despite my insistence on being miserable. Maybe it's his ability to sit in it with me and just be present that makes it a little easier for me. He doesn't really try to make things better, which is something I appreciate. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to hear, "you're so much better off without him," or "you are too good for him," or "he was an asshole anyway, you deserve better," from Jessica, Charlie, and Angela respectively. And I totally get they're just trying to help, but it's not .
It doesn't help.
It doesn't fix how I'm feeling. I am still a mess. I'm still depressed and angry. None of those things are a comfort, so when Jacob sits next to me and says, "you look like shit," I fucking appreciate it. It's a fact. I do look like shit because I feel like shit. I wouldn't be surprised if that is all I'm comprised of at this moment. So I appreciate being seen where I am, and not what others hope I will be someday. Because the truth is, I don't know if I am going to be okay. I may never be right again and Jacob is fine with that version of myself, which is what I need right now. I'm grateful that at least one person is okay with this crooked amalgamation of bitterness, darkness, self-pity, and disgrace; it helps me breathe a little easier.
I get myself dressed even though I feel like it's kind of useless; Charlie made me go back upstairs and change out of my usual 2XL T-shirt and sweats that have holes in them which is fair I guess. So I slip on a pair of jeans that used to fit perfectly but now hang loose over my hip bones, and a black hooded sweatshirt, flicking the hood up over my hair that has gotten long and a bit matted. I don't care anymore, if I haven't made that abundantly clear already. I slip on my Doc Marten's and head downstairs.
I walk into the kitchen where Sue Clearwater is cooking, because God-forbid Charlie tried to cook Thanksgiving dinner and burn the house down and if the cooking was left up to me, we would be having alcohol which a part of me feels like Charlie wouldn't be too mad about, as long as he was the only one drinking and it was beer.
I sit down at the small kitchen table, while Sue opens the oven, and a plume of steam blows her hair back as she pulls out the rack to baste the turkey. The TV is on in the living room and Charlie is commentating the football game with Harry from the couch, occasionally taking long sips of their beers. Seth Clearwater is also in the living room on the recliner playing on Charlie's old GameBoy. I couldn't tell if he was focused on the game or confused with the heavily pixelated 90's technology. I am not surprised that Leah isn't here. I am certain she hates being around me and I am totally fine with that; I hate being around me too so I totally get it. I think maybe the bigger reason she hates being around me is because we mirror each other's misery a little too perfectly. Sue explained that Leah's fiancé left a while ago and she was still angry. So, I don't fault her for not wanting to be around me and my worthless self-loathing.
I hear a car pull up and see that Jacob and Billy have arrived which makes the tightness in my chest loosen. I notice they have a third person in the car and I stare at him as they make their way out. It's a guy, close to my age, maybe eighteen or nineteen, with cropped black hair, a muscular square jaw, and a shadow of a beard. He gets out of the car and I notice his height and body mass are impressive. He's taller than Jacob with more muscle mass, he's wearing a gray T-shirt under a black hoodie and blue jeans with black biker boots. I don't see the details of his face fully until after he helps Jacob get Billy into his wheelchair. The three of them walk up carrying a few bags most likely full of side dishes and beer to the front and I see that he's good looking: high cheekbones, clear and discerning brown eyes with long black lashes and a full mouth that is set in a tight line as they approach the house. Jacob opens the door without knocking as usual because they are basically a part of the family now.
"Hey!" Jacob says as he pulls Charlie up in his wheelchair over the front steps. Why Charlie hasn't installed a ramp yet is beyond me.
"Hey! Happy Thanksgiving!" Charlie, Harry, and Sue holler in unison as they enter.
I get up to see if they need any help with the bags.
"Hey Bells!" Jacob says, wrapping me in a big hug and I pat his back lightly, smiling weakly as he squeezes a little too tight.
"Can I help with anything," I ask, and Jacob bats my hand away.
"We got it," Jacob says, as Billy wheels himself into the living room to join Charlie and Harry to watch the game. Charlie tosses him a beer from the cooler by the couch.
The new guy shuts the front door behind him holding several bags in his hands and our eyes meet, and I feel remarkably awkward.
"Um," I say as he looks at me, mildly bewildered, "I'm Bella," I say hoarsely.
"Paul," he says back, his voice clear and baritone.
"Oh yeah, sorry, this is my buddy Paul Lahote. His Dad is away during the holidays so I invited him," Jacob yells from the living room, stuffing cans of beer in the cooler.
Paul's eyes narrow slightly while he looks at me and I wonder for a minute what he's thinking.
"I'm just gonna..." Paul says, gesturing towards the kitchen and I realize that I'm blocking him and I move out of the way, muttering my apologies. He sets the bags down on the kitchen table, removing a few bags of rolls, a few different pies, and a bag of onions.
"Oh thank goodness, I just ran out," Sue says, grabbing the onions and taking them to the cutting board.
Paul turns and looks at me again, his eyes surveying my face for a moment and then makes his way past me to the living room. Jacob comes up to me and grabs my hand.
"Have you been outside yet today or are you doing the 90 pound shut in thing again today?" Jacob says, arching his eyebrow and smiling.
"It's what I do best though, Jake," I say, my lips upturning slightly.
"Yeah that's not disturbing or anything," he laughs and I silently agree with him in my head. "You do look better today though, not one hundred percent, but like...maybe forty percent."
"Thanks? I think?" I say, but again, he has surmised it quite perfectly. Maybe forty percent. Maybe. My eyes slid over to see Paul watching us as he leaned on the fireplace mantle, my brow furrows and Jacob interrupts.
"I want to talk to you about something," and before I can argue, he drags me through the front door, through the front yard, and the clomp of my doc martens get louder as we reach the sidewalk from the frozen grass. It's really ridiculously cold outside and somehow Jacob seems completely unfazed. We walk down the sidewalk closer to the line of trees going into the forest and I look at him, seeing that he was working something through his brain.
"You okay?" I say and then he meets my eyes.
"Can I take you to a movie Bells?" he asks. I started laughing because it was a funny joke in my head, however I see Jacobs face fall and then I shut my mouth and my face blanches; I know it does because I feel myself get dizzy and I know somehow I've gotten paler than I already am and he sees it.
"Oh," I whisper, feeling really bad for my initial reaction. God I fucking hate myself so much.
"At least you're clear," he says, his jaw clenches as he stares into the forest.
"Jake, I'm really sorry, I'm an asshole," I say, feeling my chest and stomach tighten as I realize how much of an idiot I actually am.
How could you have laughed? What is the matter with you?
"No it's fine," he says, and flashes me a disingenuous tight smile which looks wrong on his face and it's making things so much worse.
"It's not," I reply, and I take his hand, but his hand is tight and unyielding. I turn to face him grabbing his shoulders, "I'm not ready for anything like that yet, Jake," as I squeeze his shoulders, his eyes look like a genial mask covering up a pool of hurt swimming beneath the surface.
"I just thought, maybe," he starts, hesitating finishing his thought and my stomach twists again, worrying about what he's going to say next, "I thought maybe I could be better...than him."
"You are better than him," I say, and I mean that with all of my being. He will always be better than Edward, but... "but Jake, you can never be like what Edward was to me. I don't think I can have that with you or anyone." I take a deep breath shuttering as the air fills my lungs, "I think I'm broken and your friendship is the only glue holding me together right now."
He is watching me, surveying me as I speak, the pools of hurt beginning to wane into something warmer; more himself which is akin to the summer sun and hot afternoons. "I get it...I think," he says, and I can still see it, the hurt that's there but also the truth of what he and I are that begins to settle into him a bit. I hope that it's enough for Jake because it's everything to me right now. I need him desperately as my best friend, as the only anchor that's holding me to reality, the only warmth I really have in this cold vacuum of space that is my life post Edward Cullen. If I don't have Jacob, I don't have gravity and I will float away never to be seen again...and I think he sees and feels that too.
"I didn't mean to make it weird," he says, scrunching his nose.
"You made it super fucking weird," I say back, nudging him as we walk back to the house and we both laugh, "and Jake," I say, looking back at him and he met my eyes, his warm kind smile back on his face where it always belongs, "please don't leave."
"You won't get rid of me that easy, Bells," he says, nudging me back and I nearly fall over because I weigh practically nothing now; a gust of wind could bowl me over. He catches me before I hit the ground, "Jesus, Bella you need to gain some weight, you waif."
"So I've been told," I say, righting myself as he helps me back up, "but I hear skinny chicks can do really well as models, maybe I can just do that."
"There are so many things wrong with that statement, also gallows humor, Bella? I thought you were better than that," he laughs.
"Everything about me is gallows humor," I laugh back, sort of being honest.
We get back inside and Paul, Seth and Sue are setting the table in the small dining room. They've set out all the plates and flatware, glasses, napkins and are now setting out all the food.
"Oh good, you two go help Paul and Seth set everything out," Sue says, dressing the turkey on a large cranberry red charger plate and Jacob hurries into the kitchen to grab a giant bowl of mashed potatoes with his bare hands, "careful that's..." Sue watches in astonishment as Jacob carries the plate with his bare hands into the dining room, "hot, okay then."
"What can I grab, Sue?" I ask and she hands me a pitcher of water.
"Go fill up the water glasses," she says, "okay everyone peel away from the TV and come sit down at the table."
A few groans resound from the living room as the TV clicks off and Harry, Charlie, and Billy all make their way into the dining room.
I fill up the water glasses and notice that Paul is watching me as he takes a seat between Seth and Jacob. My eyes flick back to the water glasses as I continue my task, feeling slightly awkward. Why does he keep doing that? I know I look like a nightmare but did he have to stare, Jesus.
And now he is getting up again.
"Excuse me a sec, Sue," Paul says and retreats out to the back yard.
"Hurry up," Sue yells after him.
I'm curious. I shouldn't be but I am. So I go out after him hearing Sue say, "don't be long, we're gonna start dinner!"
I don't see him in the back yard so I walk to the side yard and see him standing with his back against the house, the heels of his hands at his eyes and he exhales a heavy sigh and this...looks very familiar to me. I'm intimately involved with this type of sensation: overwhelm, panic, longing...but why is he feeling it? I try not to move but he takes his hands away and sees me watching him and I freeze. I don't know how to explain myself.
He stares back at me, sighs again, and removes a flask from the back pocket of his jeans; he takes a long drink and then extends his arm, offering me the flask. I stride up to him, take the flask and tip it back. It's whiskey and now I think I may like this Paul guy.
"I hate the holidays," he says in his baritone voice, the sound vibrates along the surface of my skin, which is...interesting.
I nod at him taking another sip, feeling the burn of the alcohol singe all the way down to my empty stomach.
"I'm not a fan either," I reply, my lips in a tight line as I hand him back his flask.
"You look like how I feel," he says, "shit, um...that came out wrong."
"I don't think anyone can feel as bad as I look," I laugh back, appreciating his honesty, "I get it though."
He looks over at me, and I notice his eyes have a bit of green mixed in with the brown. The waning late afternoon sunlight makes the green look remarkable.
"What do you get?" he asks.
"Whatever is happening with you looks familiar," I say with an unsteady exhale, replaying the last few months in my mind like a depressing gag reel, "the flask is a great idea, I might have to steal that."
"You're gonna steal my flask?" he laughs, taking another sip, "I'm kinda fond of it."
"Steal the idea I mean," and I smile, "it's a nice flask though, don't tempt me," feeling warmth in my chest and it's odd.
"Guys! Dinner!" Charlie calls from the sliding glass door. He kicks out of his lean from the side of the house and follows me as I turn back to the door.
"Thanks for the drink," I say, looking back to him, "it was nice, we should do it again sometime." Where the fuck did that come from?
His smile reaches his eyes as he laughs and my God his smile. He was handsome before but when he smiles, I don't think I've seen anything more beautiful, which I didn't think could happen after Edward.
"I'll take you up on that," he says as we walk back into the house.
What did I just do? But for some reason, I don't feel like how I felt with Jacob. It felt...okay. It felt weird, but right and warm. I walked in and sat down by Charlie taking a sip of water and realized I was still smiling.
"What's got you in such a good mood?" Charlie asks, taking a big spoonful of mashed potatoes, "not that I'm complaining."
I look up at him and shrug, my eyes landing on Paul for a moment, seeing he was still smiling also
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Read recently (October 2022)
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I'm suddenly seeing all these bonrin reactions to canon changes and events, and I have to know how you'd write Ryuji's reaction to Kurikara breaking. Rin turning into a heavily overtoasted piece of bread before going apeshit and trying to burn everything too.
Fun fact, I’ve actually written Ryuuji’s pov on this scene a few years ago, and it was so hard to do because it’s an awful scene ; ; (At this point, I think I’ve covered most of the canon scenes with a bonrin twist, lol.)
So I’ve dusted the piece off and revised it a bit to be a stand alone thing. (It was established BonRin in the original, and I’ve switched it to pre-slash here. Meaning Bon is pining and Rin doesn’t know. Probably because he’s on fire.)
TWs For below the cut: Blood, gun violence, descriptions of gore, character death, and major spoilers for the manga.
— — — — — —
It had actually kind of worked. Their plan had been absolute shit, and Ryuuji only went along with it as much as he did because they had the camouflaging cloaks and that would at least give them an edge in escaping. Working with Amaimon and Belial had make him all the more uneasy, but the others had agreed before he could fully voice those worries, so he went along.
(The real reason he went along was the intense guilt in his gut over everything he knew and couldn’t tell. It was the terror that he might be part of what had landed Yukio in this interrogation cell, and the need to fix it somehow.
That and Rin’s desperate eyes staring up at him and Rin’s too-strong hand gripping his arm begging him to let him go so he could free his twin. Ryuuji couldn’t leave him alone in that fight. He couldn’t leave any of them alone, but especially not Rin.)
It had actually kind of worked until it very much had not.
By the time he got outside with Konekomaru, Izumo, Shiemi, and Amaiomon, Rin and Yukio had already made it halfway across the bridge towards freedom. Ryuuji followed after them, feet pounding across the concrete in a chorus with the others, and that was when he glanced up into the sky past the slowly setting sun.
A dirigible was flying low with the Illuminati’s symbol emblazoned across its side. It had to have been cloaked or camouflaged somehow, because Ryuuji was certain it had not been there a moment ago.
How had the Illuminati known? How could they have known? They’d found out Yukio’s location because Shura had told them. They had Mephisto’s intelligence, and no one knew they had even left Rin’s dorm.
Someone on the inside had betrayed them. Unless…
Unless they—
The intention had never been for them to get away. Mephisto had betrayed them, hadn’t he?
Ryuuji could see a figure standing in the air ship, but he couldn’t make any details out because of how bright the ship was. He didn’t doubt for a second Shima was up there. Waiting to do something horrible under the pretense of being a double agent. Something to betray them all again.
“OKUMURA!” He called as loud as he could. Amaimon had stopped moving forward and was tilting his head curiously. Yukio had stopped as well and said something to Rin that Bon couldn’t hear. The halfling turned in surprise and Bon’s stomach sank lower. He felt cold with dread. There was too much space between them. He couldn’t get there before the Illuminati did. Retreating back to the building was their only option, but that…
They’d be arrested. Their careers would be over. He’d lose any chance of restoring his temple.
Konekomaru stepped closer to his side as Shiemi moved towards the twins. The brothers were arguing now. Neither seemed to notice the approaching air ship, and Ryuuji’s shout had done nothing.
The air felt thick and charged with static despite the fact that there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. It felt like when they were watching the battle between Rin and Amaimon. The sheer amount of power the two had been emitting had charged the air with something that made his kin crawl. Something that left him feeling outclassed and in danger.
There was a heavy presence that made his blood feel thick and his hair stand on end. It was terrifying and numbing and it felt like he was something’s prey. He couldn’t fight whatever it was and his flight instincts were stuck in shock. It felt like being a deer stuck in headlights and it didn’t make sense because there wasn’t anything visibly wrong. The airship didn’t scare him. Not as much as it probably should.
They needed to get Rin, and they needed to get him out. Yukio…
He wanted to understand, and he couldn’t do that like this. They had to get out, now.
And then quite suddenly, Bon wasn’t frozen because Yukio had his gun out and was aiming it at Rin. Every protective instinct in his body flared at once and his feet shot forward before his mind could fully catch up with the situation.
He got exactly three steps forward—the others hot on his tail—when three shots rang out. The bullets struck Rin in the forehead, throat, and chest.
Bullets were loud. They had always been loud and he’d had countless hours firing them and growing accustomed to that shocking loudness. It was different with his gear though. Different when he was the one holding the gun.
Different when it was someone he cared a lot about being shot.
The was the piercing sound of the gun firing was all there was for a moment. A sound Ryuuji could feel in his teeth as they went off in rapid succession, and then Rin was falling backwards with his head tilted towards the sky and his arms extended out. He fell to the concrete with a dull thud Ryuuji couldn’t hear because his ears were ringing from the gunshots. He fell, extended out in the Christ pose as Ryuuji stood frozen in utter shock.
And contrary to what he’d always heard, the world didn’t stop for even a moment. It kept right on moving like nothing horrible had happened. Like there wasn’t a pool of blood extending from Rin’s body and catching the waning sunlight. Like it wasn’t staining everything it touched with his horrible truth.
Yukio didn’t pause between shooting his twin and holstering his gun once more. He strode forward like nothing happened and towards the air ship that Renzou was now climbing out of.
Ryuuji’s senses continued to filter information his brain couldn’t process because Rin was lying in a pool of his own blood with three bullet wounds. Rin who had been laughing this morning was bleeding out. Rin who called him princess because it was their joke and never got what Bocchan meant and didn’t care about expectations and rules as long as he had friends and hope and who always gave every fight his all and believed they would defeat Satan and loved with everything he had was dying.
The air had a slightly metallic taste and he could smell ozone around them along with a hint of sulfur. There was a cold wind blowing from behind them that ruffled his hair and sent chills down his spine. Rin was losing color and he wasn’t moving and the blood kept spreading further and further. It was horribly dark against the pale concrete.
Ryuuji released a breath and shot forward with every bit of speed he possessed. His senses cut out all extra sensations that weren’t his feet pounding the pavement and just how far away Rin was from him. He’d traveled maybe a third of the distance when he was being hauled back and in the air. His legs and arms flailed in an attempt to keep moving as he was pulled backwards and he didn’t even register that it was Amaimon who had him by the collar. His only thought was to get to Rin. Break free and get to Rin. Save Rin. Stop the bleeding and get to Rin.
His hand traveled to his own hip where he had his firearm, but his hand was intercepted by a hand with green claws. The demon king shook him hard and blood filled Ryuuji’s mouth as he bit down on his tongue accidentally. The others were shouting, Konekomaru was running to intervene, and Rin was still bleeding out.
“Don’t interfere!” Amaimon barked, but Ryuuji couldn’t comprehend his words. He flailed pointlessly and then froze once more.
Rin stood up stiffly, blood still dripping off his face, and unsheathed his blade.
(Alive! Rin was alive!)
The halfling lit in vibrant flames that shot out from around him in a roaring inferno. Even from his distance, Ryuuji could feel the heat.
Yukio paused in his march to the dirigible and looked over his shoulder.
“Let me go,” Ryuuji didn’t recognize his own voice. It was hoarse and desperate and pleading in a way he didn’t think he’d ever been.
Amaimon lowered him so his feet were on the ground once more, but didn’t release his collar. Konekomaru and the others had reached them by now and were all looking ready to intervene.
Amaimon’s other hand shot forward and nabbed Shiemi by the arm because apparently Ryuuji wasn’t the only one determined to get forward.
“Stop it you two.” Amaimon threatened. “This is getting interesting. I don’t know why my baby brother cares so much about all of you, but I won’t let you interfere.”
Ryuuji couldn’t tear his eyes off of Rin. He was marching towards Yukio and shouting at him. Ryuuji didn’t see any way that Yukio could get away until Shima was darting forward with his K’rik and attacking Rin.
Rin didn’t miss a step. He shoved Shima to the side and kept marching forward. The halfling leapt in the air in a blur of blinding blue light and brought his the flat of his sword towards his twin brother—
The flash of blue fire that shot across the area knocked all five of them back and onto the ground. Ryuuji landed on top of Amaimon with Shiemi on his side. He shoved himself upright (he elbowed Amaimon in the gut on his way up and didn’t care) and rubbed at his eyes to clear them. He couldn’t see what was going on. It was too bright, but the fire didn’t seem to be coming from just Rin.
“Father.” Amaimon sat up and smirked. “This really is getting interesting. Big Brother was right!”
They were a hundred yards or so away and Ryuuji could feel the heat from the flames. Even from this distance, it was a terrible sort of heat that had his eyes watering and made breathing hard. Still, he blinked his eyes clear to see both twins facing each other and Shima staggering to his feet.
Shima saw what he didn’t because he was too busy taking in the fact that Rin was still alive.
“The sword—” Her voice cracked and she was suddenly standing. “—It’s broken!”
Ryuuji scrambled up less gracefully. Kurikara, the sword guarded by his temple and sacred for its ability to bind demons, was broken clean in half and fire was pouring out of Rin at an uncontrolled rate.
No… no. It couldn’t be.
“Nee!” Shiemi shrieked. The tiny greenman sprang from her hair and spread his arms into the air. Vines burst out of his chest and shot towards the twins—
Amaimon knocked Shiemi hard in the stomach. She fell back into Konekomaru who kept her from hitting the concrete. Nee fell to the ground as Shiemi lost concentration on him and spat blood out of her mouth.
“Don’t interfere!” Amaimon snarled. Izumo’s familiars sprang into the air as Ryuuji rounded on the demon king.
“Fuck off!” He shoved at Amaimon without care that it was probably the dumbest thing he’d ever done.
He twisted on his heel and started to sprint towards Rin. Shiemi was walking toward the dirigible with Yukio and was waving at them like he was going on a cruise and hadn’t just betrayed them all again and hurt Rin (his sword was broken. Rin’s life was tied to that thing. What if he died?!)
Yukio and Shima were on the ladder to the dirigible and it was flying away with them.
If Rin died there would be no going back. If Rin died he would never forgive Shima. The pink-haired knight he had grown up with would be dead to him. Their friendship would be forever broken.
And Yukio…
Ryuuji could hear feet pounding behind him as well as frantic breaths, but they meant nothing. Rin was crouched on the ground now with his flames growing brighter and he was gasping for air. Each painful looking breath made his body convulse and he was spitting up blood.
“Rin!” His voice cracked through the air and Rin’s head turned towards him. He could see the bloody mark on Rin’s pale forehead where his own twin had shot him.
“Stay back!” Rin gasped. The flames flared and they were hot enough to rob Ryuuji of his breath.
He slid to a stop because he couldn’t move closer. The heat was too much. Rin was on fire and not at all in control of the flames. The halfling blazed even brighter and the force of the flames saw him sitting up right and screaming at the sky. Ryuuji stumbled back a step because his brain was telling him he needed to get away from the intense heat. Every instinct told him to run away from Rin, but he couldn’t.
Rin’s blood coated the concrete and there was pain on every inch of the face he’d fallen in love with. Rin, who Ryuuji had seen take bullets and claws and broken bones without more than a grunt of pain was screeching in utter agony. He was entirely enveloped by the blue inferno and it looked like it was devouring him.
(Some part of his mind knew this was what the blue night had looked like, and he couldn’t bear to acknowledge what that meant. That Rin wasn’t going to survive. That none of them might.)
The screams wouldn’t stop. Every ragged breath Rin could suck in was changed into a scream of agony.
Amaimon had reached them and was talking, but Ryuuji could barely understand him. It was like trying to hear through water. Everything felt muffled and distant and secondary to the pressing, panicky need for air.
(But he wasn’t drowning so why couldn’t he breathe? )
“The sword held his demon powers back. My big brother locked his demon heart in gehenna and now that seal is broken. It should be fun to see if Rin’s strong enough to hold his own heart. The flames of Gehenna… For such a thing of Gehenna to continually manifest in Assiah requires a vessel that’s strong enough. I wonder if baby brother’s body can withstand the perfect flame.”
“If he can’t?” Konekomaru choked out. Bon couldn’t make his body do anything, but stare in horror. His breath was locked in his chest, and he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to release it.
Amaimon shrugged like it was a boring question. “Then he’ll probably die.” The demon king took a bouncy step back. “Might want to get some distance. You humans are so susceptible to flame.”
There wasn’t time for any of them to move (not that Ryuuji could have. He felt like a lump of stone stuck to the ground.) before the flames grew. Ryuuji couldn’t make Rin’s form out any more and the unending screams of agony Rin was releasing were abruptly cut short. Konekomaru hand latched onto his arm as the other flew to cover his mouth. Ryuuji felt his heart thump once, twice, thrice, and then the fire was starting to fade.
For however long he lived he knew he would never forget the sight before him. Ash covered the concrete and drifted through the air around them like snow. There was a thick and sickening scent of burnt meat in the air that left a slightly metallic taste in his mouth. The crackle of fire still lingered in the air. The blood that had coated the ground was gone—burned so that nothing remained, but a greasy film on the concrete—and Rin’s body was nothing but a smoldering, black, corpse.
The halfling’s face was burnt beyond any recognition, and nothing but his gleaming teeth remained that showed any semblance of his once cheerful smile. His blue eyes were entirely gone. Eyes that had caught his attention from across a classroom and who always seemed to see the real him and eyes he had fallen in love with and never told…
They were gone. There was nothing but smoking holes where they once had been.
He lurched forward without meaning to because his brain couldn’t understand what he was seeing. Rin lit on fire all the time. Rin didn’t burn. Rin wasn’t the corpse in front of him. Rin was fire. He was brightness and warmth and danger and wild life. He couldn’t be dead. Rin couldn’t be dead.
As if defying his resistance to the idea, the burnt corpse fell over on its side and Rin’s limbs fell off in piles of crumbling soot.
Someone screamed, there were gasps, and Ryuuji was moving again. He didn’t know which of them was the first to reach the body, but none of them seemed capable of moving too close. They couldn’t make themselves reach out and touch what was left. Not… Not when all that was left was blackened and cracked and nothing at all like Rin had once been.
Konekomaru’s hands wrapped around his arms, and Ryuuji realized he'd started to sway forward. A low mournful noise broke from his lips, and he couldn’t stop it, could barely even recognize that it was coming from him. His entire body felt like it was bruised and all of that shocked pain was gathering around his heart. Every beat of his heart made it feel all the more broken.
Shiemi dropped next to Rin with a strangled noise, reaching for him and pausing when part of his ear fell to the ground in a crumble of soot.
Rin was gone. All that was left was this broken husk, and it didn’t look right, and Ryuuji had never told him half the stuff he wanted to, and Shima and Yukio were flying away, and they were all in active danger because the restraints wouldn’t hold and the Exorcists in the building would be coming for them, but what did that matter?
They wouldn’t even be able to move Rin’s remains. It was falling apart around them. The wind was carrying bits away and Ryuuji couldn’t bear to look even as something was tearing through his gut and demanding he stop it all.
Shiemi drew back with a sharp inhale, and Ryuuji caught a glimpse of something blue rising up from the ruined remains of Rin’s chest. It looked like a flame, smaller than the ones that had consumed and killed Rin, and oddly solid. Whatever it was, it was too close to Shiemi. He couldn’t lose someone else.
Ryuuji took one large step forward, dragging Konekomaru with him.
“His heart,” Shiemi murmured, and then Rin was covered in the flames and Rin was crawling back from the heat of them. Ryuuji reached her and hauled her up, shying back from the heat and feeling the desperate urge to get them off of Rin. They were going to—
No. They weren’t burning him. They were transforming him. Gone was the charred corpse and in its place was pale flesh and white hair. Blue eyes were opening as they peered up at the sky.
Rin’s chest was expanding with a breath.
The halfling sat up with flames falling from his skin and hair. His eyes (white lashes and eyebrows) fluttered for a moment and then blinked again.
Rin’s eyes were blue and swirled in full demon form. Red stained the beautiful blue and Ryuuji felt his own eyes blurring with tears again. His heart didn’t seem to be beating and what little air he could get was forced from his body in a shocked sob.
He inhaled, somehow.
“Rin?” He croaked, “can you hear me?” He reached out to touch, intending to take a step forward and see, but some deep instinctual fear made his hand and body pause. It was the same instinct that had stopped him from charging forward earlier when the fire had exploded from Rin and Yukio.
Rin’s head tilted towards him like a curious cat. “Suguro? Shiemi?”
Ryuuji choked again and jerked forward half a step.
Shiemi caught his wrist as Nee started to screech.
“Don’t,” she said in a stern voice, “he’s hot.”
“What?”
“Hs flames are hot. He’s not—”
Rin smiled and suddenly there was a blast of horrible heat that sent every one of them reeling backward. Ryuuji landed hard on his side but did manage to break Konekomaru’s fall while Shiemi rolled through her own fall and brought Nee up to create an enormous barricade of Japanese rowans.
Rin cackled and got to his feet as he extended his hands out and looked down at them.
It was chilling just how much that was not Rin’s boisterous laugh. Whatever this was, it wasn’t the boy he’d fallen in love with. It wasn’t Rin.
The flames were getting brighter and hotter and spreading around Rin who didn’t seem to notice or care. They were licking along the ground and incinerating anything they came across, and they were spreading towards them. Ryuuji, with a nervous inhale, scrambled up and hauled Konekomaru with him. He pulled his friend back, motioning for Izumo to do the same as she rushed toward Shiemi.
Ryuuji looked her way just in time to see her finger dig into the dirt and they were just suddenly standing in a forest. What had been a clear area was now vibrant with green life.
“Did you do this, Shiemi?” Rin's head tilted to the side playfully and he had a huge smile on his face that… just wasn’t quite right. It didn’t reach his blue and red eyes at all. It was manic in a way, and it was violent.
Whoever this was, it wasn’t Rin. It had Satan’s flames, and as impressive as this new forest was, it wasn’t going to be enough. They were all in extreme danger. Rin could kill them. He could burn all of this. And with the heat pouring off of him, that seemed to be his goal.
“I really wanna let my flames out,” Rin added, taking a step towards them that sent a rush of flames towards the nearest trees. “You guys are my friends, so you won’t mind if I do that, right?”
Ryuuji pulled Konekomaru closer so he could heft him up and run if he needed to. Mike and Uke were standing by Izumo, and it seemed like they were also ready to heft the girls up. Ryuuji wasn’t sure he could make it to them before Rin, but he would try. The spell for a shield was already ready on the tip of his tongue.
Rin might be lost, but he wasn’t going to let whatever had taken his body hurt his friends while he could still fight. They’d get out, and they’d fix this, whatever it cost.
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I'm just glad Lando has Jon and others for support right now because he's chronically online and the takes, even by some "fans," are not it.
I know we talked about his consistency being taken for granted last year, and this is just another example imo. He RARELY makes mistakes (and I'm not defending him or saying people can't say he made an error or whatever, because it was obvious he had and I think fans being frustrated with that or whatever is valid), but omg, mistakes happen. To all drivers. They're a part of motorsport. Yet I already see all of these shit takes about the "next Ricciardo" and "the beginning of the end for McLaren's golden boy" and "omg it's karma!!" (karma for what? doing his job?). Like, it was one qualifying. It was one mistake. We don't even know how the race will turn out, especially with nearly every engine seemingly having some reliability concerns. We know nothing about safety cars or red flags that may present opportunities for drivers.
I'm sure Lando is already beating himself up enough without these "fans" coming for him for ONE error though. Hell, I've seen people who were ENJOYING his streams the past few weeks blaming it on him not taking racing seriously enough and spending too much time streaming, and it's like seriously? He's already talked about stepping back from most of his hobbies to focus on f1, but god forbid he do anything, ever, to just relax and have fun.
It's well known he puts an enormous amount of pressure on himself, and I think he's said he puts even more on when his dad is at races because he wants to show all the investment into his career was worth it (which is daft because Adam (and Cisca) love him so damn much and anytime Adam talks about Lando you can just hear sheer and utter pride in his voice)
He made a mistake, he knows it, he's owned up to it, at no point has he tried to pin it on anyone or anything but himself, and now people need to move on because the race could end up with a completely different result because we just don't know. Someone else makes a mistake, the engine reliability issues we've seen, freak weather change who knows, etc etc.
Jeddah is a fucking nightmare and I hate it with a passion (possibly the most out of the street circuits) because it's so easy for literally any of them to make a mistake like that, look at Max's 2021 or Lando today, Esteban also said he clipped the wall twice in his run and thought he'd damaged the car but managed to keep pushing it
People just like to chat shit and Lando is one of the people they like the chat shit about the most. He's never going to do anything right in their eyes so I don't really care for their opinions. He could probably get pole, have a clean drive filled with good battles, score fastest lap and win AND STILL people would find something to criticise him about it
I've clearly managed to curate my space fantastically because I haven't seen any of those comments (I never check the comments on instagram and I literally only made a twitter account today for the sole purpose of following LN4 and McLaren for possible Jon pics....) but they're nothing new, they started halfway through last year and with the godawful tenacity of some people it's no surprise they're still being thrown around ~ as I always say "the block button is your friend ✨"
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@wellfell sent in: drenched in sunlight , waves are peacefully brushing over the soft sand . she hates sunlight with the same passion she's been hating momoko since middle school . her beach party was loud , unlike what they thought of her , akina wasn't keen to exist in crowded places like these but at least she looked good . under the shade , sipping her cool berry juice with her pink sunglasses on . pissed , bored , and exceptionally aware of the fact that her old friends hasn't forgotten about the scandals that had her name on it . . . all went smooth until lamon approached her — she was peacefully brooding and glaring at the sea until he sat beneath the cool shadow of the shade beside her . and smiled a little . ❛ did momoko got tired of eyeing me and send you to check on me ? if she keeps calling me miss dracula i will break her jaw . go tell her that . ❜ of course momoko didn't send him , lamon doesn't listen to anyone . she didn't even know with such thick walls of ice between him and his friends , why exactly he appeared . maybe the same reason she did , to see him .
Here’s how life goes: it happens and then expects you to act like it never did. Is that how they think he should act? What, with the way they disappeared into thin air in the aftermath of the accident, only to reappear two years later with some kind of squeal like ‘oh my god, I haven’t seen you in like forever, how have you been my guy?’. Those were the same people who didn’t even bother to visit him in the hospital, let alone send a text. And now they come crawling back like nothing ever happened? Like he’s still the same shadow from two years ago, the naive lamb who would take everything said to him at face value.
Yeah right.
Momoko’s beach party sounded like a drag, from the very beginning. For one thing, the more Co*caine Don*nald’s new roommate talked about, the less it sounded like a meetup so much as a frat party, but copy-and-pasted onto a beach. Why would he go when his roommate already drags him to the beach ( in the middle of the night too- some would say it’s sketchy, but again, who cares, it’s four in the morning, no one should be giving a shit at this time ) anyways? This is just the same, except now he has to put sunblock on if he doesn’t want to burned.
But he’s here anyway, half-tuned out to whatever the hell Momoko and the others are saying. The only reason he knows her is because she was friends with Robin back in the day. ‘Was friends’ because he’s pretty sure she’s not taking the time to go see her up north. He has a red solo cup holding some mysterious blue liquid, which he has no intention on finishing. It’s easy to see how strong the punch is just by the sheer amount of time it took for people to get plastered. Why did he change his mind again?
“Why would she ask me that? She can do her own bidding.” That and if she did ask Lam that, he’d cuss her out instead. At the very least he’d say if she’s so intent on harassing someone she invited, she damn well better have the guts to do it herself. He takes the seat next to the only tolerable person at this party. If the others are busy getting smashed, heating up as hot as the summer sun shining down on them, then Akina is the SEA BREEZE.
( The wind, day or night, has always been his favorite part of the beach. )
“If you’re Count Dracula, then she can be a WEREWOLF- loud and furry.” Which would be fitting for her, he doesn’t add. Knees brush against Akina’s bare ones. In all technicalities, she doesn’t have to be here either, doesn’t have to hang around these people who smile to her face but give back-handed comments behind her back.
So why did she go?
( He could ask himself the same question, really. When a mutual friend mentioned that Akina would also be invited, he looked up from his phone for a long moment- she always does that to him, making him stop what he’s doing and listen. He has her number so he could’ve asked her point blank if she would be going. That would be the easiest way to know and to see her.
But then again, for all the times they could be direct with each other, they…aren’t. And besides, if they can just keep ‘meeting up by circumstance’ then it’s all the more convenient, isn’t it? People will talk either way. )
He motions towards the water and the shoreline that stretches in parallel. “...Wanna ditch? They won’t notice if we’re gone for a while.”
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