Thanksgiving at the Manor
Duke: So, time to go around and say why we’re thankful for?
Bruce, Dick, & Jason: NO!
Dick: I mean, no, it’s fine.
Jason: We’re thankful for a lot of things.
Duke: Right… Is this some weird rich person thing?
Tim: Wait, does this mean there’s an actual reason we don’t do that?
Dick: No. One. Say. A. Thing.
Jason: I mean, it’s funny now…
Bruce, sighing: You two ended up in the hospital and I hate to donate two million to the fire department.
Jason: Like I said, hilarious now.
Dick: Would you two just shut up already?
Cass: So we’re not grateful out of cowardice. Got it.
Tim: I honestly thought it was because expressions of gratitude were too close to expressions of emotion.
Steph: I assumed it was some sort of rich white male privilege thing.
Damian: I was under the impression that the tradition was juvenile and doomed to be unnecessarily competitive.
Tim: You know, that’s actually really funny coming from you…
Steph: Can we circle back to the whole thanksgiving leading to possible arson or something because I, for one, am very interested in that story.
Bruce: Look, we all said what we were thankful for, it got mildly competitive, certain claims were made about which rogue liked who best, some minor explosions, a trip to the hospital, and it was decided that the situation did not need repeating. Ever.
Steph: Wow, don’t quit your day job, B.
Jason: Okay I admit his storytelling abilities are abysmal, but to be fair it was probably the only time that something was unanimously agreed upon immediately.
Dick: Can we move on now?
Duke: Okay I’m actually really interested to hear why you’re so worked up about this.
Damian: Your insistence is suspicious, Grayson.
Jason: *slow grin*
Dick: Okay, fine. ibrokeintoarkhamandconvincedivytosayiwasherfavorite
Cass: What was that? I don’t think we quite caught all of that.
Dick, glaring: I said it once. That’s enough.
Duke: Okay so, fires?
Jason: Ivy had a crush on Harley.
Bruce, head in hands: Ivy thought arson would win Harley over.
Jason: Dick helped.
Dick: Hey, you helped too!
Jason: Yeah but I’m not the one who broke someone out of Arkham.
Dick: Technically I didn’t…
Bruce: Following you out when you broke in first still counts.
Jason: Yeah, but the hospital wasn’t quite worth it so no repeat experience needed.
Damian: Dare I ask why you two ended up in the hospital?
Jason: Dickie here heard a siren and dove for cover like a truly amateur delinquent.
Dick, grumbling: Broke my clavicle.
Dick: I swear Commissioner Gordon was right there!
Bruce: *dies a bit more on the inside*
Dick: Oh like you have room to talk. You laughed so hard you fell off and broke your arm!
Damian: Father, where were you during all of this?
Everyone: *turns towards Bruce*
Bruce: We hadn’t had pie yet.
Bruce: In my defense I thought they’d be fine.
Duke: Okay. Well I, for one, am thankful to have been adopted into this family.
Tim: And not born in?
Duke: *stays silent*
Steph: I remain legally unrelated and I’m thankful for Babs for catching Bruce’s attempts at sneaking adoption papers through.
Damian: Father, you have a problem.
Bruce: Let’s eat.
Jason: Yeah, before anyone else starts to feel thankful.
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Batkids as stereotypical family members during thanksgiving dinner.
dick (the hugger)
- literally will chase you across nations for that goddamn hug.
- laughs really loudly (annoyingly).
- “so you found any ‘friends’ yet?” *winks aggressively*
- sweet potatoes.
jason (the cousin)
- the type of person you want to go hide in your room with.
- definitely stole some alcohol (you want some?)
- “shit hold the door closed the kids are trying to break in”
- literally cooked half the food (never takes credit for it)
cass (the wine aunt)
- she’s better than you (and she knows it)
- always holding an alcoholic beverage.
- but no ones ever seen her drink?
- “oh this reminds of that trip to paris i went on with my ex girlfriend.”
tim (the introvert)
- no one can find him until the food comes out.
- sits next to jason and refuses to talk to anyone but him.
- always on his phone.
- has headphones in if anyone asks he says he’s listening to mcr (it’s actually britney spears)
stephanie (the creepy uncle)
- “i remember when you were *burp* this tall”
damian (the angry child)
- refuses to sit at the kids table.
- always trying to mess with jason (it’s tradition father)
- always ends up throwing a fit by the end of the night.
- “what do you mean you’re cooking the turkey? YOU KILLED A TURKEY?!?”
duke (the normie)
- gets along with everyone (except steph for some reason)
- wishes he went to his friends house for dinner.
- “jason is that whiskey? i’ll pretend i didn’t see it”
- please help him.
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Wayne kids as the types of babies (during public events), based on how they were as kids and my blurry memory of how babies act
Dick: smartass baby that dodges questions with more questions, bites and drools on people he doesn't like, tries to jump off people's shoulders
Jason: happy baby, would let literal stranger carry him for hours, talks about his big brother and smallers siblings until it's time for the nap
Cass: purposely gets lost and gets joy from not being found until she falls asleep and wakes up not knowing where she is and gets found by wailing for a while
Tim: one of those babies that gets along with anyone until they get a present, then it's time to open the present and ignore everyone, nap time is the most important time of the day
Duke: cutiepie and he knows it to get another piece of candy he shouldn't get, he openly asks people if they actually had sex to get pregnant, and plays chess with adults
Damian: pets are more important than people, whoever brings their pet is the first person to be greeted, momma's boy and he cares nothing about it, he's content to draw with a crowd of other kids but the moment they try to touch his stationery it's over
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Since Thanksgiving is coming up soon how about the fam gets force invited to dinner by some random relatives who they don't talk to and it ends up a battle of the the two families trying to show each other up and it ends in a fire and tears.
It’s been a good minute since I got this (I’ve been rlly busy with moving and preparing for the holidays so I’ve mostly doing text posts bc those are super quick) but I do adore this. As someone who’s from a loud, chaotic, and at times even shameless, southern (US) family I’ve seen some pretty wild thanksgivings. From my sisters hair catching on fire to my aunt yelling ‘fuck’ as she accidentally throws a ketchup bottle across the room, it can be a lot. And I’d imagine that’d only be amplified for the bats.
They’d probably invite over the full family. Like obviously Bruce and Alfred would be there. And the five Robins (I will always count Duke as a robin even if canon doesn’t, and yes Ik leading the ‘we are robin’ movement is different but shush he’s earned it). And the batgirls. Of course Kate will come and she’ll bring Reneé. No matter what terms Bruce and Selina are on, Selina always goes to support her kids (she will fight anyone who says they aren’t hers). And since Reneé and Selina come the other partners are coming. In my mind this means Wally, Roy, and Kon. Kon is dropped of by Clark, who relents to Jon’s constant begging and ends up staying for an hour with his sons. Bart runs over a few times, each time Barry is close behind making him leave. Cassie and Cissie drop by for a bit, and are later picked up by Diana, Oliver, and Dinah. Oliver and Dinah leave with Cissie after chatting for a bit. Diana and Cassie end up staying (because Jason has surprisingly good puppy dog eyes). And Donna ends up coming. Dick decides to invite his new friend Lucas (aka Midnighter) who of course brings Andrew (aka Apollo). They also invite Zatanna who brings Constantine (he, Jason, and Roy get along like fire and gasoline). Harley and Ivy show up, both invited by one of the Robins, which one is still up for debate. And honestly the guests keep coming. All in civvies and all in high spirits. It’s chaotic but somehow manageable. That is until Bruce’s extended family arrives. That’s when suddenly all of the ‘I am a hero who regularly saves the world’ turns into ‘oh fuck gotta be normal’.
The first ‘error’ comes when Constantine tries to talk about his love life with Bruce’s usually quiet great, great aunt Hilda. Because apparently Hilda has interesting responses to things like “he was a real shark in the sheets” and “you can only imagine the hate sex you have after the demon you sent to hell gets out”. That response being “You think that’s intense? Have you ever bought an entire cruise ship and 200 pounds of cake for your book club?” (Constantine later joins that book club). That night Bruce learns that sweet aunt Hilda has rather unique interests.
The second ‘error’ is leaving Steph and Tim in charge of the younger cousins. Because they end up starting a cult. On accident of course.
‘Error’ number 3 is letting Lucas and Clark speak to great uncle Joey who is apparently homophobic. That ends in Lucas locking Joey in a closet. According to Lucas it’s symbolic, Andrew says it’s childish but still supports his partner.
‘Error’ 4 is letting Bart speak to the oldest family member, Aunt Edna. She ends up adoring Bart and giving him tons of cookies, this leads to a speedster on a sugar high. Kon and Cassie spend most of their day trying to keep Barts identity a secret, they ask Tim for help but he’s busy leading his new followers. Edna quickly realizes that Bart is a speedster but she doesn’t care/say anything, she finds him adorable.
‘Error’ 5 is leaving Jason and Diana unsupervised. They create an hour long PowerPoint on the Odyssey. A PowerPoint that they present before dinner.
But the biggest error is not locking up Damian’s sword. The sword that he and Jon use to play a blood pressure raising game of sword tag with and that they use to cut everything. At one point they even use it to cut butter. Bruce is not amused. Jon is very amused.
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