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#the spacing on this is weird but that’s what I get for copying and pasting from my phone
vqrtualheartss · 8 months
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"𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖" — 𝑬42 𝑴𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒙 𝑭𝒆𝒎!𝑩𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓
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ᴅ☆ᴇ'ꜱ ꜱᴀʏ|
Do not question why the time is going so fast part two
Yes, your friends are low-key bimbos but they book n street smart
Y'all I'm so happy that my page is growing 🥹 I love y'all fr
—Warnings: I have never been outside this country so I am NOT familiar with Brooklyn slang., Use of N word —hence why the title says it's for black readers
𝓘𝓷𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓭𝓾𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 | Throughout Brooklyn Visions you were known as 'antisocial' —always wearing a mask even after the end of COVID, never at a party or a school function, 'dead socials', and the one that seals the deal: never seen with a boy.— Truth is you weren't even like that, up in that school the way everyone thinks is basically copied and pasted and not in a good way. It wouldn't take much to be viewed differently and not being too interested in interacting with almost anybody, you just kept to yourself. And no, this isn't some typical white highschool movie where you're bullied and apart of some loser, nerd squad, if anything it was far from that. Y'know those pretty, melanin-queen it-girls? Yeah, that's your crew, don't get it twisted though, you weren't some 'accessory friend' used by them —you we're just as pretty if not more— but you've seen how guys treat pretty girls in comparison to those "average" and who would want to be with someone like that? Definitely not you
It was the day before the mid-term break and your friends —Shadae, Nia, Kiara and Lailah— were nowhere to be found. Coming to the conclusion that they were at a party being held for whatever reason an exasperated sigh left your body closing your locker. "So that's really what they doing now? It's their lives soo if they don't care why should I?"
The sun's rays barely illuminated the hallway being hid behind clouds, playing into the gloomy theme. Walking through the large, empty spaces, head held straight going to your third/fifth class, you noticed someone staring at you through your peripheral vision—Miles Morales. A little introduction on him, he was apart of a group basically the male version of yours, minus you. Girls gushed at him, sliding notes into his locker and stuff, typical party animal, you heard through rumours that he hooks up with a new girl every other week. One would think it's false news cause that sounds absolutely atrocious but they came prepared with receipts ―But even those could be made up― and to no surprise, there were girls wanting to be one of his bi-weekly flings. Come to say though, it was a little weird how his gaze situated on you as you walked but you decided to brush it off as nothing. There's no way you could see yourself interacting with him. Ever.
In class
Since it was the last day so far all teachers gave a free period. As usual, you remained silent scrolling through whatever the media had to offer, even though having admitted that it was a boring ritual, you refrained to do otherwise. Time passed and the bell rung with you not wasting a second getting out the door, stuff already packed.
Moving along the steps going down to the next classroom, the deafening screech of the intercom went off as the minority of students covered their ears including yourself waiting for it to end, seeing a person take down their hands, everyone did too before the announcement went off.
"Attention students and staff: In light of the reduced teaching activities and productive learning for the day, we have made the decision to conclude school early. We believe that providing you with this extra time will allow you to enjoy a well-deserved break. Make the most of this unexpected opportunity and enjoy your extended free time!"
The halls erupted with cheers, laughter and talking as people made their way outside the school, although intending to head straight home, a few necessary stops to some stores had to be made before doing so. Heading out, you opened the phone still in your hand to make a list of things that came up to mind
Braiding hair
Gummy Wax
Bonnet
More coconut watrdf
"The fuck?" The words slipped from my mouth under a whisper at the sudden jolt of my body -can't even write a list in this school-, looking back I saw someone holding onto my arm, stopping me from going outside. It was Miles, -what could he ever want from me?- my eyebrow lifted, "hm?" "Sorry, I just wanted to talk to you" he released his hand off my body, leaning on a locker with his bag hanging off his shoulder "Um okay, about what?" I crossed my arms, noticing his eyes widened slightly before returning to their natural, slightly seductive state. "You actually talk?" "Nope" Trying to escape, he caught onto my hand, our eyes piercing into the others before he added "Alright that one was my fault, but I just wanted to ask if you're doing alright"
I glanced over his shoulder, searching for his friends, a camera, or any signs of people giggling, this had to be some sort of prank. Finding nothing, I gave in -one conversation can't hurt right?- "Yea I am, why do you ask?" "I didn't see your friends- wait" he tilted his head towards the door, hinting for us to go outside "You ain't tryna be seen with me or you good right here? " I looked around the room, dragging a hand down my face acknowledging the little clusters of people staring. Facing him again, I nodded and together we made our way out.
"So where we going first? Am I getting punk'd? I saw the lil' list you had" Rubbing his palms together, he anticipated my response as we crossed the road. Using my hand as a sun blocker, I squinted before answering
"You're very nosy and I will be-" "We" I stood taking a good look at the boy, blinking slowly. Realizing that he didn't plan on going anywhere else I caved in, "We will be going to the hair supply store first" he smiled at my renewed sentence.
"His dimples are cute- " "Nah shut the fuck up actually." "But he is though"
Shaking away the thoughts going back and forth with themselves, I focused my attention back to Miles who was already looking at me. To be fair, I was still skeptical of the sudden interactions and wanting to waste no one's time, I went straight toward my point. "What do you want? If you want something with one of my friends I can give it to you y'know" I kid you not when I say that this boy burst out laughing.
He held a hand at his chest before we stopped walking "That's what you think of me f'real?" I shrugged replying "That's what I think of most of them" I made a popping noise with my mouth, his hands digging deeper into the jacket's pockets. A playful smirk dancing on his face as he bit his lip, he was fine and I'm sure he knew it― Girl, no
Still standing, I continued. "Word in the street says that you copping a new chick every two weeks" he narrowed his eyes as I loosened my bag straps. "I be in the streets everyday and I never heard that" crossing his arms, he sent me a jest-filled glare before continuing " and how YOU hearing what's going on in these streets Miss Mysterious?" He pointed at me in the middle of his sentence to which I scratched my neck nervously with my index finger, avoiding any eye contact. Finishing his sentence he urged for my response with a "huh?" before looking down at me with half closed eyes, still chewing on his bottom lip
Counting on my fingers, I started to explain myself "Okay one, I don't gossip but the friends I hang around do and I have working ears, so what? And number two, I have a name sir" "Are you going to tell me it?" "It's (y/n)" "Well, (y/n) to answer your first question. Your crew? Nah, they okay but you though, you caught my eye. And I ain't trying to serve up that 'you're unique' cliché but real shit, that's what got me wanting to talk with you" "Okay I'm sure I'm not that interesting" my hands now rested on the curve of my hips, blankly looking at Miles who couldn't seem to take his eyes off of me. "Let me be the judge of that, tell me more about you"
I shook my head as I went to approach the other side of the pole he was on, worst mistake . He yanked me by my bag, dragging me over to his side as he stared at me with wide eyes "we don't do that shit around here" he extended his hand , pointing to the path infront him.
I looked back at him in disbelief, my eyes and eyebrows being the only features to express my astonishment, looking at my half expression, he laughed. "My bad, just please use your sense next time" "You talk too much, we need to get going" he raised his hands in defense "Alright ma'am" I rubbed my temple smiling underneath my mask, my lips making some type of imprint beneath it
Walking there was pretty interesting, getting bombarded with questions about myself and not about my friends. It was the first time I'd actually had a conversation with someone outside my circle, and you know what? It wasn't half bad. I found myself laughing and smiling at something that wasn't some dumb cat falling and it was quite nice.
Approaching the door and opening it, I joked "Ladies first" "Oh so you got jokes now? Guess I'm rubbing off on you" Rolling my eyes whilst walking inside, he wiped away an imaginary tear entering the store behind me. Taking a quick stroll through the aisles I saw Miles taking up some stuff too —some combs, wax, and a durag—
Shopping didn't go so smooth for me though, being stuck between three colours to choose from —1B, 30 and 350—."What's up?" Standing clueless, Miles came over to my area, positioning himself beside me, waiting for me to say something. Raising my hands with the braiding hair before slapping them on my thighs lightly, I complained "I can't choose" Taking the hair from my hands he started to put each one beside my head before speaking "You'd look like a doll in this one, go for it"
While he returned the hair back to their original positions except the one he picked —which was colour 30— I raised my eyebrows, internally questioning his choice of words before speaking up "you have such a smooth mouth don't you?" Crossing my hands as I gave him a mild, sidelong glance traced with amusement that turned into confusion when he placed his hand atop his head, biting his lip. "I woke up Chris Breezy, oh my God I'm the man" Mouth agape, I dragged a hand over my mask to stifle the laughter "Alright cool cool I get it, you spit lyrics like that. Get up" "shoulda known it's been that way, now let's go. We have more stuff to buy" He took two more packs of hair before we walked over to the cashier — the place where I had to find out how stubborn this boy is—
"Let me pay for it" "No, it's my stuff. I'm more than fine paying"
The cashier cleared her throat, annoyed at our 5-minute long bickering
"Oh sorry, here-" I shuffled inside my bag for my purse, completely oblivious to whatever Miles was doing "Here" "Thank you" I looked up hearing the cashier's words, completely shocked that Miles Morales, a 17 year old just handed the woman a black card. It must be nice.
Bagging the items he turned to face me, "See, I told you I'll pay" "Here, I'll pay you-" "No, think of it as.. a us becoming friends gift, plus we have more things to buy so save up"
Stretching my mouth underneath my nose I teased "Who said we're friends" he deadpanned while handing me my own bag with items "Don't play with me. I know your favourite colours, music, food, and more. I'm real friend material" I laughed at his reaction, not to mention his remix on the "real wifey material" part.
But he was right though, we had more places to be, taking out my phone to check the updated list we comprised together, glancing at the time, I cursed 4:48 PM. "Shit um, I really have to go home. Bye, and thank you" my words dragged themselves louder as I ran down the road waving at him frantically.
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You hurried along your usual route back home, "Why the rush?" Well, the aim was to snag a 5 PM package. It might sound like a flimsy excuse to part ways with Miles knowing that girls would kill you in the armor of envy for him, but the package would be returned to facility if not claimed and who wants to wait months again? He'd understand. After securing the package you went home, fortunately enough it started to rain, the pattering of the droplets masking the sound of your attempts sneaking into your room to avoid any confrontation from your parents.
Usually when it rained you found the atmosphere peaceful— having been in a night gown with your bonnet on— but this time, it felt different. For some unknown reason you couldn't shake Miles off your mind—the sensual energy that radiated from him, his seductive stare he always wore or the husky laughs that echoed between you two— Everything about him was alluring, slowly drawing you in and you did not like it.
Miles, on the other hand didn't suppress his feelings, having to physically wipe the smiles and cut the laughter he created each time he thought about you. Ironic enough, he hadn't a clue what it was about you that had him this way. Shit, he doesn't even know how you look. He was sure of however, what it would take to even have a chance at holding your hand given the rumours that you've heard about him, but he was hell-bent on giving it a try.
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genericpuff · 6 months
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saw this pop up on /r/UnpopularLoreOlympus and I-
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Full analysis post that inspired this post can be read here, it's a good read, go check it out!
Now my natural reaction to not assume the worst (shocking, I know) is that what Rachel's actual intention behind making Leto a sun god was due to her being Apollo's mother and her clearly having a stronger relationship with him rather than Artemis. I'm abiding by Occam's Razor here, it's the simplest answer and it keeps my brain from getting too riled up right off the bat LMAO
There's a lot of emphasis put on Apollo being the god of the sun in LO, despite the fact that Apollo is one of the MOST prolific gods in the Greek pantheon, Rachel only ever really focuses on him being god of the sun with some loose references to him also being the god of music (as we see with him playing his lyre). There's really no real referencing to him being the god of medicine though (aside from that scene of him condom-bandaging Persephone's hand in Episode 22 ?? which is silly now in hindsight because she's a fertility goddess who can heal herself but ok lmao and the fact that Rachel established him as a LITERAL DAD with his doctor son Asclepius which ... just feels weird to have in LO tbh) and there's absolutely no referencing (from what I can find or recall) of him being a protector of the young, god of prophecy (for some reason he just magically gives Kassandra the ability to read prophecies... just so she can read his prophecy ??) or archery. Like, he's shown doing a lot of these things but they come across more as just side hobbies or extensions of him being Artemis' brother (like his archery) rather than aspects of his godliness or domains that he presides over. It's just like yeah, Apollo can shoot arrows and bandage people's hands I guess LMAO
All that said, I can see Rachel deciding to make him primarily the god of the sun and then going "oh! let's make his mom a sun god! then she could be a common enemy for both Persephone and Hades!" because Hades doesn't like sun gods yadda yadda.
But... we know Rachel has used front page Google sourcing in her comic before.
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(literally the 'source' was copy pasted from a 2004 study guide for Princeton.edu. And we KNOW this was taken right from the first result because it just says 'www.princeton.edu' with no slug attached, which is what showed up back when we first looked into this, the princeton version was deadass the first result with this definition word for word. She didn't even remove the typo where there's no space between Xenios:"Zeus !!!).
And while a bit more into sus territory rather than outright confirmed like the xenia thing above, there's the whole Metis / Métis theory, that has us wondering if Rachel seriously googled "Metis" on its own and accidentally used Indigenous Métis cultural depictions in her version of Metis, the Greek God.
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The fringe in her outfit, finger wings, and dark orange/red color really got my attention the first time I saw her design years ago, because she set off so many, "Wait a minute, is that an Indigenous woman???" bells in my Mi'kmaq/Cree brain LMAO And not even in a bad way, but now it feels a little :/ because of how much her character has been assassinated and how clearly accidental it was for her to look like that.
Of course, there's still a more likely explanation that her design was based on this vase:
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But IDK y'all. That vase is very distinctly orange while the character itself is depicted in dark garbs and with light skin, so Metis being distinctly red-toned with finger wings and fringe?
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While the Xenia thing is definitively copy pasted from the first search result on Google (literally there's no denying that at this point, Rachel's REALLY bad at doing research and then pretending like she was being smart by sourcing it from a university website... completely ignoring the fact that that website literally hasn't been updated since Rachel was working on The Doctor Pepper Show) the Metis and Leto depictions are definitely a lot more up for debate as to what 'research' Rachel did and whether or not they got confused with something else during her searching.
And really, the whole thing with Leto being a "sun god" doesn't make sense really when you think about it. Why is Leto a sun god? It's not even like you could argue there are "some versions" of the myths where she's a god of the sun, or other translations out there, or whatever vague source that could be used like what has been used for other gods like Hades and Persephone. Leto is not affiliated with the sun in any shape or form. Remove Apollo, her eventual son, who didn't exist when she was born and given the title of 'sun god', and it quickly falls apart as to why she would be a sun god in the first place.
She is a goddess of motherhood though, and that's NEVER mentioned in LO. If anything, Rachel makes her a terrible mom on purpose. Because god knows we can't have anyone in this comic be a good mom except for Persephone and Rhea (who are literally just carbon copies of one another). Basically the only thing Rachel gets right with Leto is the fact that she's a Titan and that she had Apollo and Artemis after sleeping with Zeus. That's it.
Unfortunately, unlike the xenia thing, there's no outright proof of what Rachel's reasoning was behind these designs or sources. So I'm not gonna accuse or outright state it as fact that Rachel confused Metis for Métis or ripped the idea for Leto being a sun god from an anime, because the odds of that being true in any way are fairly low.
But they're never zero.
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inchidentally · 5 months
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because apparently I can't stop being weird ! 🫠
(this is completely shipping goggles off btw and with the assumption that there's no point theorizing about these men's actual sexualities since a)male sports and b)required travel to countries where the penalty for homosexuality is death/imprisonment.)
I kind of love that we're all picking up on something new and indefinable with Lando and Oscar and it makes our hearts do a little squeeze without fully knowing why. I'm basically finding myself repeating everyone else's tags on landoscar gifsets. and it made me think about why and how Lando has had two main support systems in terms of friendships up til now. there's the F1 alphas/extroverts and then there are his childhood besties.
F1
so like every guy or group of guys I've seen with Carlos somehow admit he's in the alpha position and rotate around him as the leader. it's very much like Daniel even though Carlos and Daniel aren't much alike outside of that (Daniel makes noise to be the leader, Carlos just exists as a leader). for an ambivert like Lando, Carlos and Daniel are great places to be when he's getting pulled under. they're typical straight alpha types who don't believe in getting stuck in their heads or feelings (Carlos' 'mental health' ad basically being go to the gym and stay productive to not feel sad lol) and they exist in a kind of nonstop monologue. so little Lando can just bob along in the current and know that he'll laugh and forget whatever ails him. very much like what he needed Carlos for after the Mexico race when he looked so drained and ended up magically chipper again in Brazil (in reality bc of friendship and not a solid dicking down as I have tagged in a lot of places). or that private plane ride with Daniel where Lando looked twelve years old and so happy. Lando clearly needs to feel small again sometimes and these are the guys who can do that.
Childhood
Max F obviously has that role of truth-telling and soul-baring that honestly I could see Lando not being able to live without. the friend/soulmate you can't hide anything from. I'm absolutely projecting at this point as someone who feels verrrry simpatico with Lando's personality (as we're allowed to see it) but having that person who can love you while being honest and real with you is so SO SO needed. but! there are times when it's too much and they know that you need to just float for a while. I feel like there's that core group of guys in the Max F circle who are all to different degrees like this with Lando. they're much more his equals in power dynamic too.
Oscah??
I think this is where Oscar exists in like a third, unexplored space. he's been caught in 4K as a Lando fanboy but he's also got sleepy cat personality so you can only tell from the internet evidence and from the way his eyes track Lando every time they're in the same rough vicinity that he's still fairly starstruck.
to me it's like Oscar hasn't quite shaken the norm of watching Lando on his phone screen and he almost forgets that he's supposed to be the one interacting with Lando in the challenges etc.
now if you've watched the Prema content on YT you'll know that Oscar, while still sleepy and placid, absolutely knew how to play up for social media content. sure the pressure wasn't that high and he'd known some of those boys for years by then. but his timing was solid and he adopted a sarcastic voice-of-reason role to bounce off the other guys. but what's so endearing about the McLaren content is that Oscar has basically positioned himself as guest star in the Lando Show. it's like he's so relieved at how good Lando is at media content that he spends a lot of his role in it watching what Lando is doing. I'm serious when I say it seems like he forgets he's not watching Lando on a screen like he always used to.
I do however think it's a confident and conscious decision that he made to not even bother trying to be another Carlos or Daniel - or to try and copy paste a little of the banter he'll have seen Lando have in Quadrant videos. I really love that Oscar's said you know what I'm being me and it so happens I'm nothing like those other people in Lando's content.
but !! you know who's personality and sense of humor Oscar most resembles? Max F. dry humor, sleepy but can get riled up and fun when they're feeling it. sort of fondly exasperated with Lando a lot of the time. I loved the stream of Max watching the Most Likely To with Lando and Oscar because he sided with Oscar so many times and appreciated Oscar bringing up the birthday issue.
and I think that's where for Lando he's still pretty damn thrown by Oscar - not in a bad way, just still uncertain. Oscar doesn't fit with Lando's extroverted F1 world. Oscar's plenty friendly with the rest of the grid (and obv Logan) but he's choosing to largely go under the radar and he runs his social media very lowkey even during some of the major highs he's had his rookie season. he's there to race F1 cars and when that's over he's got a very good brain in his head and plenty of options. he doesn't have the same insecurities that a lot of the drivers admit to having. Lando can't rely on Oscar being a typical F1 driver to understand him.
to finally come around to some kind of point I think what we're seeing is Lando and Oscar tiptoeing around a friendship that would probably develop very fast and easily if it weren't for the F1 pressure and expectations. we're seeing Lando unusually flustered by how easy he gets Oscar's attention and how he seemingly can't annoy or inadvertently piss off Oscar even if he tries to wind him up in videos or if he gets lost in admiration for his own trophy while Oscar shrugs off his own P14 finish and smiles at Lando. I genuinely think that level of undemanding affection has Lando sort of squirmy in an adorable way.
and Oscar clearly went into the personal side of his relationship to Lando of just enjoying whatever he gets and not trying to be someone he isn't. rookie seasons are already so pressure packed and the drama with Alpine followed by the rough start McLaren had won't have helped. he's just trying to do his job and prove his place and honestly isn't bothering to hide that he's baffled and flustered at finding himself interacting with Lando Norris the way Carlos Sainz and Daniel Ricciardo were. it's easier to just let people see that Lando can wrap him around his finger.
when all the time, if they'd met via Max F or mutual non-F1 friends, Oscar would fold right into Lando's group like butter on toast. I think that's what we pick up on with either or both of them getting shy and crushing on each other like new best friends at school. F1 has picked them up and put a camera on them and we're watching them slowly learn if it's okay to put an arm around each other or sit very close or touch the other person's hair. because they know this is very Real FriendTM friend potential and they don't want to spook each other and their feelings could so easily be hurt if they thought the other person didn't want to be friends as much or if they'd turn their back on them in front of their other friends.
they're not interacting as Typical Blokes by horseplay or teasing or being loud and they're not Just Guys Bein Dudes using humor and sarcasm to figure out the pecking order.
most of the time they're so shy or Lando's in a mood and Oscar finds it adorable and they're watching each other so closely the whole time like this and aauuuuhhggggg it's so vulnerable and sweet.
that's how it feels to me anyway and why I'm so ???!!! watching them interact. and sidenote I'm so so glad Oscar is so steady and can celebrate Lando no matter what. bc Lando admits he struggles with that in turn and after the many times it's been tested it's clearly never going to be something that breaks them before they can continue to get closer <3
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nevesmose · 24 days
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I think the Replikas are in control of the gestalts in Signalis. Hear me out.
Sierpinski is a space gulag with replika guards. Fair enough. But then we get to the apartment building on Rotfront where, first of all, the blockwart is a Kolibri. A heavily armed Kolibri on the lookout for spies, who we can see from her computer has access to everyone's medical records and the right to enter someone's property whenever she feels like it:
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So in that block at least, everyone lives under constant physical and bioresonant surveillance from the gremlin downstairs. Let's look at the report Ariane's teacher wrote about her:
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So communal living with a Kolibri warden is the expected norm for everyone since the Revolution, and Ariane is considered suspect for not growing up this way.
Speaking of Ariane's teacher, there's a comment in the school memory about her:
Eule wipes it clean before she can note it down so I have to copy from Erika
Further supporting this is one of Ariane's notes:
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So we can see that Eules are the ones who educate gestalts. Let's imagine that you, a gestalt kid, wake up in your apartment block and head out past the psychic replika who has awareness of everyone and everything in the building. Currently she's slowly pushing her steppy over to reach up to a bookshelf, but still.
Out the door with your gas mask on, remember not to look too hard at the great red eye and off via the metro to school where you can do a little light bullying of the kid with weird hair and then sit down to lessons from a pleasant, friendly Eule who regularly reports to her superiors about your political reliability.
That's not even taking into account the constant possibility of an Ara being inside your walls at any given moment, or the Storch/Star police brutality tag teams roaming around.
So on Rotfront at least, gestalts seem to live in a crushingly regimented culture of constant replika surveillance every bit as sterile and suffocating as the DDR the game draws inspiration from.
No wonder Ariane wanted to escape it any way she could.
By the way, I know Ariane is called the "gestalt officer" on the Penrose but she doesn't seem to have much actual seniority or control of anything beyond her radio communications work. Elster is the one who maintains the ship, and we know that she's dedicated enough to do that to the absolute limits of her endurance anyway no matter what state Ariane is in (😢) so it'd just be a case of ordering someone to fulfil the task they were literally created to do. Almost as if the officer title is a meaningless bauble designed to make the Penrose Progamme more appealing to gestalts.
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unformula1 · 1 month
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everything that’s left (AL12 x reader)
everything that’s left (AL12 x reader)
series masterlist | next part
not everything is gone
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pairing: arthur leclerc x reader | (ex) charles leclerc x reader
w/c: 1587
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a/n: have fun!! i really do enjoy this series, hope you love it too :)))
taglist: @ggaslyp1 @janeholt3 @boherahpsody @kryingkat22 @iamkaku @vizzzashley @mycenterfold
masterlist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It started with meeting him two weeks into you and Charles’ relationship, all he did was smile at you and wave when you greeted him.
“Meet Arthur. He’s my brother.” Charles says, placing his arm around your shoulder.
Arthur looks up from his phone and flashes a warm smile at you, giving you a slight royal-looking wave. You smile awkwardly and wave back.
He immediately turns back to his phone and Charles pulls you away, bringing you around to see other people.
Then it became ‘hi’s and ‘bye’s, waving when you two saw each other, giving each other smiles and acknowledgement.
“Hi.” You say as you walk past Arthur in the paddock.
“Hello.” Arthur replies, looking up from his phone and smiling slightly.
Slowly but surely you two started chatting, be it across text or in person; these chats were pretty shallow and superficial, talking about the weather and all.
“I saw your instagram post.” You comment.
“You did?” Arthur asks, chuckling slightly.
“Yea. Seems like you had fun.” You say, feeling slightly more comfortable.
“I did.” Arthur replies, smiling.
After that, it slowly evolved into deeper chats, about how having an older brother in the sport gave unreal expectations of him, less about the weather and more about feelings.
“It gets hard sometimes, yea, you get me?” He says, leaning back onto the seat.
“Mhm. Definitely. Must be hard.” You say, still rather uptight when talking to him.
“People expect me to be a carbon copy of him, and when I’m not, I’m just bad.” Arthur continues ranting.
You’re not sure if he’s intentionally ranting or not but you don’t mind. You enjoy listening to him talk about something deep rather than what the sky was looking like.
Then, the chats became more casual, happening anywhere and everywhere. The uptight and tense feeling in your body disappeared slowly and the knot in your stomach slowly faded off.
“And eventually, it all just piles up and it feels like no one is there for me and I feel like killing myself.” Arthur deadpans.
“Okay- first off, NO. You are not doing that. Second off, what do you mean ‘no one is there for you’? What am I? A roach?” You respond, scoffing.
“Listen, I did not mean it like that, sometimes you are too far away.” Arthur says.
“Literally text me.”
“I don’t have your number.”
“You don’t?”
“No.”
“Well what the hell.”
You gave him your number, he gave you his: The start of many random calls and facetimes for whatever reason.
When Charles wasn’t there, the next best option was him. Arthur never hesitated to talk to you or sit with you while you stared into the blank space.
“Do you ever think about how we might not ever meet our soulmate.” You say, staring into the ceiling.
Arthur put down his phone, “I think we all will meet someone we love truly.”
“Mmkay…” You continued staring.
The silence in the room was not tense or awkward, it was more like a calm white noise that gave you a weird sense of clarity.
Finally, when you started losing Charles, Arthur became the first choice. If Charles was being a dick, it was going straight to Arthur. If Charles left you alone, Arthur was there.
You descend into a mess of tears and rambling. Across the phone, you hear shuffling of feet and footsteps.
“Please stay on the phone. I’m coming over.”
You manage out a ‘mhm’ for him.
There’s a short silence.
“Charles would never.” Arthur reassures you, “He’s faithful.”
You hope so too. You desperately hope so.
And now, you laid on Arthur’s couch, curled up in a cradle position, making some very unearthly noises as you cried your lungs out. You think back on everything leading up to this point. 
What did you do wrong? Did you mess up?
Arthur walks back into the living room, holding a warm cup of water. 
“I… uhm… you want water?” Arthur says, giving you the cup of water.
You nod weakly, your entire face red from crying and the dried up tears still on your cheeks. You take the cup of water from him and take a sip of it.
It’s warm, leaning to the hot side but still warm. 
He takes a seat next to you and you shuffle to the side to give him space to sit down. He places his hands on his lap, like the gentleman he is.
“Sorry for…” You sniff, “Barging in randomly when I said I wanted to be alone.”
“It’s okay, really, no problem.” He assures, his hand flying to your shoulder and giving it a slight pat.
“It’s just been really hard and I don’t know why and it’s confusing me so much.” You sigh, sniffing more and holding back some tears.
“I get it. It’s hard… I’m always here for you.” 
I’m always here for you.
I’m always here for you…
It sends some sort of chill down your spine, making you shiver slightly. The words repeat in your head as you try to construct a sentence to respond to him. Charles never really meant it when he said that, now Arthur’s the one saying it. You don’t really know what to say back.
“I hope so.” You say. It comes out a lot more obnoxious than you expected
It clearly takes Arthur aback too, as he hesitates to reply to you, clearly trying to find the right words.
“I will. You can trust me.” He says.
Again, Charles would say that often. You think about all the times he’s said it and all the times he went back on his word.
“Charles said that too.” 
You can feel your emotions taking over, you’re not processing the words you’re saying, every word that spills out doesn’t go through a filter.
Arthur is clearly stumped on what to say next.
Shit. 
You apologise, “I’m sorry, I’m tired, the words aren’t… processing or anything.” Your nose is still blocked.
“It’s alright. I understand.” He says again, still speaking as if you two were having some friendly chat.
You know Arthur’s the kind to speak rationally and methodically approach something but right now all you needed was the Arthur which hugged you when Charles couldn’t.
“Could you… not speak like that.” You blurt out. The words, once again, sounding rather rude.
Arthur raises an eyebrow.
“I don’t want any solutions right now.” You say, slightly frustrated.
Arthur nods, “Sorry. Just… natural instinct.” 
“I just need you to…I don’t even know.” You take a deep sigh again.
Before you can string together another sentence, Arthur slowly shifts closer to you and pulls you in for a slow hug. You don’t fight back.
He pulls you in and pats you on the back, your head lays on his shoulder. It’s warm, very warm. His touch makes you tear up again.
His hug feels genuine, it feels as if he never wants you to leave him. You can’t remember the last time you were hugged like this.
The tears start flowing out again and you let out soft sobs, your head still laying on Arthur’s shoulder. As you sob and eventually start crying again, Arthur doesn’t let go, he doesn’t flinch when you abruptly start crying. He just keeps you within his embrace.
You missed this. You missed everything about this.
“I don’t wanna leave.” You say while crying. You’re not sure how much Arthur heard of that sentence but you couldn’t care less.
Arthur subtly nods and pats you on the back. 
“You don’t have to.” He whispers gently.
Arthur’s gentle whisper makes you feel like crying even more and letting it all out, for real, for once. Everything about the way Arthur dealt with you made you feel safe.
You take a deep breath before releasing all your emotions at once. You don’t even know which emotions are coming out anymore, you just cry, scream and wail. 
Arthur barely moves, once again not flinching at your sudden outburst. He releases you from the hug but keeps holding your hand. You eventually lay down next to Arthur, letting everything that’s bottled up out.
His grip on your hand is firm, and it’s assuring.
“You could stay… for a while.” He whispers again, but loud enough for you to hear.
You nod in response as you gather your emotions. It’s almost impossible to string together a coherent sentence at this point, your entire head is just a messy jumble of memories and everything that’s happening right now but blurred into one.
You really want to stay.
So you do.
About an hour passes before you stop crying and you sit up, taking multiple deep breaths, calming yourself. 
Arthur’s still sat next to you, his hand still holding yours. 
The sky outside is practically dark at this point, most of the city lights have gone off, except the clubs and some houses. Arthur’s been sitting silently next to you.
He’s been for the past hour, letting you have a safe space to pour your feelings out. He turns to you and smiles warmly, like the smile he flashed at you when you first met him, and like the one you so distinctly remember no matter what.
Like the smile you fell in love with when Charles couldn’t afford to give you a glance.
Charles walked out on you, and that took everything left out of you, he left a gaping hole in your heart. Everything disappeared when Charles walked out… everything but Arthur.
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desert-fern · 11 months
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A Gun Amongst Daggers - Jake “Hangman” Seresin X Fem!Navy Seal Reader
Part 8: The Boat to Riyadh
Summary: When Jake meets a woman at the Hard Deck, the last thing he expects is for her to be a Navy Seal. And not just any Seal, the Commander of Seal Team 3. She’s beautiful, smart, dangerous, and everything about her just makes him want to get close. Her name? Bear. When the Seals need backup, Cyclone puts the Daggers on their radar and now, Jake has to work with Bear and her team, all the while trying to stay professional. Can he do it? Or will he end up falling for the Navy sniper and mission Commander?
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MINORS DO NOT ENGAGE! 18+ ONLY. MINORS & BLOGS WITH NO AGE/EMPTY BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED.
Warnings: swearing, and I think that's it!
Word Count: 3.3k
Masterlist >> Part 7 >> Part 9
===
The journey was long and unremarkable. No one could do much and there was only so long someone could be cooped up in close quarters before they lost it. Thankfully, only petty disagreements happened, and knowing her team, Bear knew that it could definitely have been worse. For the most part, the Seals were nose deep in folders, trying to cram the smallest detail into their brains about this mission, possible formations, contingency plans, and more. 
The pilots on the other hand, found themselves wandering aimlessly through the ship, alternating between bugging their Seal teammates and each other. But it was safe to say that everyone was bored out of their minds and arrival at Jebel Ali couldn’t come soon enough. 
Bear groaned, scrubbing her hands over her face in frustration. The numbers weren’t adding up. There was simply no way that al-Hameed had as many people around him as he claimed. If that were the case, the drones that had been launched repeatedly over the area as well as satellite imaging would have confirmed the number she’d been given. Taking a deep breath, she got up and went in search of Flare, her expert in reconnaissance missions and information gathering. Hopefully her Lieutenant could give her some more insight into what was really going on beyond a man’s over-exaggerated body guard number. 
“Flare. Mind following me?” Bear asked, finding the young woman with her nose in a book. 
“Bear? Is everything okay?” Flare asked, setting the book down and following after her Commander. 
Bear nodded. “For the most part, I’m struggling to grasp something and hoped that you could shed some light on the situation.” 
“I’ll do my best, but I can’t guarantee anything,” Flare replied. “What was causing the issue?”
“al-Hameed’s number of followers at the compound. The IJU doesn’t have many active posts in Saudi Arabia, most are in tribal Pakistan, so unless Khrushov’s people were counted and then, I don’t know, doubled or something so it filled the space for al-Hameed, something else is going on,” Bear told her, pointing at the papers in front of her. 
“Weird. Give me a second, let me grab my copies so I can compare because something is definitely off.” The young woman rushed from the room, skidding around the corners and past other Navy personnel as she made for her bunk. 
Minutes later, she was back, files in hand. “Okay, so this is the satellite image from this day, that matches. But this is from… huh. I see what happened. You were sent the wrong data, because I have these two dates on images and reports, while you have this other one, from weeks ago.”
“So what you’re telling me, Flare, is that my files were changed?” Bear asked, arms crossed. 
Biting her lip, Flare hummed. “I can’t say for sure, but it’s weird that I have this and you don’t. Especially since I sent you everything that came across my email in relation to this mission.” 
Rubbing her temples, Bear sighed in frustration. “Okay, thanks. I’m trying to get a hold on roughly how many of you guys I will need for this, so I’m going to copy the numbers I need and give this back to you.” Bear sat back down in her chair, continuing on. “Meanwhile, before you get back to your book, I need you to draft an email to send the second we hit secure service in Riyadh. Tell them to take a look into my account, computer, and tech that is on base. I want to make sure that I haven’t been hacked.” 
“Yes Ma’am.” 
“Wonderful, thank you.” She watched Flare leave the room, letting out a huff as she went back to her planning. Time flew by, and now with the correct numbers, she knew that she would need most of the people she’d brought along. Better safe than sorry, she supposed. 
For Jake, he was reminded just how much he hated the traveling portion of the deployments. Security reasons meant that outside communication was limited, not that he had anyone he wanted to talk to in the States, and that in turn limited access to the internet. At least it was limited for them, Bear had been adamant that all technology was off. Total blackout. “More like total boredom,” he muttered, standing up from his bunk and wandering off to find someone new to chat with. 
His wandering brought him down random hallways until he found himself in a room with the Seals. Fireball, for some inane reason, had taken a liking to him, and they had discovered each other’s preference for rival football teams, which they dug up again and when Jake checked the time, he found that they had spent two hours explaining why the other was wrong. “Dude,” Fireball said, exasperated. “The stats speak for themselves. Your team hasn’t been good fo-” he cut himself off, glancing at the door. 
Jake turned, finding himself face to face with Bear. “Bear.” 
“Flyboy.” 
“Commander, is there something you need?” Fireball asked, glancing between his CO and new friend. 
She nodded. “But it can wait. If I stare at any more reports today, my head might explode,” Bear complained, flopping into one of the chairs. “I’d get into it, but Hangman isn’t cleared for this level of information, unfortunately.” 
The room filled with silence. No one knew what to say, especially since Bear wasn’t typically one to complain. “I intruded on your space, didn’t I?” she asked after a moment. “Shit, okay. Well, food is ready in like 20 so I will see you guys there.” With a groan, Bear heaved herself up and out of the chair, quickly and quietly disappearing from the room. 
Glances were exchanged, before Jake stood. “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to mess so all the good bread isn’t taken,” he remarked casually, strolling off down the halls after Bear. 
She looked confused when he did find her, wondering why he would ask if she was okay. “I’m fine. I just know that there are things that you don’t necessarily want to discuss in front of your CO,” Bear told him, her brown eyes meeting his green. “It’s kind of sweet that you were concerned though. I appreciate it. But I really am fine.” 
He gave her a grin, walking backwards towards the door, wincing when his shoulder slammed into the side of the door. “Ow.” 
“You good, Flyboy?” 
The signature smirk made its appearance on Jake’s face. “Oh, I’m good, Teddy. I’m very good.” 
“Oh fuck you,” she groaned. “That was terrible.”
His smirk grew and he strode towards her, backing her into the table behind her. “I’m pretty sure you’d enjoy that too much, Teddy,” he replied, voice low. Jake caught how her eyes widened, how her cheeks pinked, and the little hitch in her breath with how close he stood, and he relished that his presence was all it took for her to lose some of the rigid control she had on her reactions. 
Rolling her eyes, Bear shook her head. Slipping out from against the table, she stood with her arms crossed, amusement dancing in her eyes. “You wish, Flyboy. You fucking wish.” 
“Oh I do,” Jake retorted. With one more appraising glance, he left her standing in the middle of the room, shock evident on her face. 
“Ugh! That motherfucker!” 
===
Nearly 20 days after their original departure date and five days after the incident, as Bear had taken to calling it, the USS Abraham Lincoln made port in Saudi Arabia’s port Mina Jebel Ali. 
The deck had erupted in chaos, pilots, support crew, engineers, Seals, and any number of personnel were rushing to and fro, trying to get everything settled for the disembarkation of a fraction of the number that would continue on to the naval base in Busan. 
“Flare, Shrike, Bug, Fireball, are your people ready?” 
“Yes Ma’am, ready and waiting to fly out. Waiting on your signal to send them off,” Bug replied. 
“Send them off. Join your teams, I will do one last check with Captain Mitchell before I join you en route to Riyadh,” Bear ordered. “You are dismissed.” 
Four nods from her Lieutenants followed her words before they disappeared into the flurry of movement. Bear watched the helicopters take off, each one carrying nearly ten Seals apiece. It made her nervous, knowing how many things could go wrong. Even if it was just an hour and a bit from where the port. Anything could be waiting the second they flew out of the urban areas. 
Steeling herself, Bear blew out a deep breath, catching Maverick by the arm as he went to pass her. “Everything set?” 
“Hell yeah. Just having them to do final checks on the jets. Should be out within 30 to 45, depending on whether or not Hondo can get everyone organized enough to send us out,” he told her, glancing over her shoulder at Payback, who was finishing up his checks. 
“Get your people together, and I will see you soon, Mav.” Bear clapped him on the back before slipping through the crowd to the last running helicopter that sat on the deck of the Lincoln. 
Strapping in, Bear placed the headset on, tucked her bag between her feet before signaling to the pilot. “Let’s get this bird in the air.” 
=== 
The flight didn’t take long and when her boots hit the ground at Riyadh Air Base, Bear hurried over, offering an extended hand to the Base Commander, Air Force Colonel Michael Richmond. “Thank you for hosting us, Colonel. We appreciate your cooperation.” 
“It isn’t a problem, Commander. Just glad something is finally being done about al-Hameed,” he replied, shaking her hand. “Do you know your way around?” 
“I do, Sir. We’ve had some past missions that have had us based out of Riyadh. If nothing changed since I was last here, I believe we should be good to go,” Bear told him. “I hope that the arrangements for our pilots were communicated in advance?” 
“Yes, they were. Admiral Harris was quite clear when he sent the request that it was anything but a request,” Richmond chuckled. 
“That sounds like him.” 
The Colonel nodded, calling over a few of his people. “Staff Sergeants Miller and Roux will show you to the accommodations.” 
“Thank you, Sir.” 
Settling in only took a few hours. But thanks to the time change, most of her people and the pilots were absolutely exhausted. Luckily for them, it was evening when the last F-18 touched down, allowing most of their personnel to fall asleep quickly. 
And they did. 
The next morning hit them all hard. It was an early start. Maverick had the Daggers up, doing standard runs and drills to get his people back in the air and work out any final kinks as they practiced the bombing run. 
Bear, on the other hand, had allowed her Seals an extra hour of sleep, knowing that in two days, they would be up for hours on end. She figured that a little extra sleep couldn’t hurt. At 0630 though, she walked through the halls banging her fist on all the doors of her people whether they were up or not. Training had to be done, but Bear had chatted with Maverick the night before to ask if her people could visit the swath of desert over which the Daggers were running their maneuvers, and he had happily agreed. 
So 45 minutes later, Bear and her team traveled out to where Maverick stood next to an abandoned hangar, where they could see the planes twisting and curling through the air like kites whose strings had been let out a little too far. “Bear!” Maverick yelled over the noise, waving them down. “You’re in for a show! I’m pretty sure that they know you’re here!” 
“Well we aren’t exactly a small group!” She yelled back, tilting her head up to watch two planes race past overheard, chasing each other with reckless abandon. “And I’m pretty sure they could see us coming for miles!” 
He laughed, waving the group of Seals over to cluster around him. “Throw your packs against the wall, I can maybe use a few of you in running this next series.” Tapping the radio in his hand, Maverick spoke, voice crackling through the comms of the twelve pilots above him, “The Seals showed up. A few are gonna give you information. Listen for your call sign.” 
“Copy Mav,” Phoenix replied, twisting over Coyote to dive low enough to wave at Bear and Bug before flying off and allowing her aircraft to hover midair, waiting for the instructions. “I can tell Bagman’s a second away from showing off though.” 
“Oh fucking hell,” Omaha swore goodnaturedly. “Now wingmen really will be left hanging.” 
“Fuck off you two,” Jake replied, his cheeks a little red. “I’m still this good, regardless.” 
A few cackles filled his headset, and down on the ground, Bear could hear the teasing from the large radio inside the hangar. It made her grin, loving the ribbing the blonde man was on the receiving end of, thankful that it was his turn and not hers. “Alright people, who wants to go first?” she asked, scanning over her people. A few hands went up, and Bear glanced back at Maverick. “How many did you need?” 
He held up four fingers and Bear picked off four people, who followed her to the radio where Maverick stood. He had written down the instructions he wanted certain pilots to have during the exercise, and passed them over to the Seal leader, who flipped them over, making her people draw blindly. “Okay, Coyote, Raptor has some instructions for you. Go ahead Raptor,” the older pilot told the young man next to him. 
He relayed information that he was given with minimal issue. He had turned back to Bear, giving her a huge shrug after, saying, “I have no fucking clue what I just said.” 
Up in the air, the Daggers heard his words and laughed. “Hate to break it to you, Raptor, but I could tell!” Coyote teased. 
The other three Seals had their turns, each one of them making faces back at their Commander signaling their uncertainty. “Well, this will be fun,” Maverick said. Gesturing them forwards, the pilot began telling them the exercise. “So what we just told them to do, is really the most basic one we have. Coyote and Rooster are dogfighting against Phoenix and Halo. It’s just two minutes, a short one. Make sense?” 
The Seals around him nodded and they watched as the drill they had relayed to the pilots began. The ducking, dodging, and weaving of the planes had most of the Seals’ jaws dropping in awe. “This is fucking cool,” Fireball exclaimed, knocking into Flare with how he’d been craning his neck to see. “It’s like they’re dancing.” 
“At roughly 7000 feet, going hundreds of miles an hour,” Maverick elaborated, grinning widely. It felt good to show off their skills. And why wouldn’t they? The Seals had already had their turn back stateside. 
As soon as it had begun, Coyote and the others slowed. The radio spewed joking insults and proclamations of victory all over the other and Bear delighted in the organized chaos. “Damn,” was all the Seal Commander was able to say. “Wow.”
“Hear that? Bear’s impressed with you all,” Maverick gloated, grinning when he saw the woman shake her head at him. “She’s practically speechless.” 
Eyes glinting behind her sunglasses, Bear sauntered forwards, snatching the radio from Maverick’s hands. “As speechless as y’all were after we did our first drill?” 
The pilots in the sky burst into laughter. “Sh-she’s got you there, Mav!” Rooster laughed, the mental image too funny for him not to. 
Meanwhile, Jake was having a crisis. He loved that Bear was impressed. But he hadn’t done anything yet, and a part of him really wanted to hear her express awe at his skills. And her voice through the headset? Absolutely fucking magical. The lightness of her voice made him grin and want to hear her voice in his ear again. In whatever way he could get it. 
“Okay, okay. Settle down.” Maverick was side-eyeing the Seal hard, amusement sparkling in his eyes, knowing full well the dilemma Hangman was having up in the sky. It wasn’t new to him. “Bear, want to do the honors for the next one?” 
“Seriously?” Bear narrowed her eyes at him, unsure of what he was playing at. 
“C’mon Bear!” One of the Seals yelled and the chant was quickly picked up by the rest of them, Maverick pressing the button on the radio to allow the pilots to listen in, which ended up with them goading her as well, all chanting “Do it. Do it. Do it.”
Waving her arms, Bear shouted over the noise, “Okay! Okay! Fucking Christ! Fine, what am I directing them in?” 
A piece of paper was pressed into her hands, and she pulled a face at the words on the note. “Okay, this isn’t fucking legible in the slightest. Flare, you’re always reading the worst handwriting, what does this say?” 
“Hangman, Payback and Fanboy, Halo and Omaha, and Harvard, and it looks like Mav has something here about a race?” Flare said, looking at Maverick for confirmation. 
“That’s it.” 
“Great,” Bear picked up the radio and read out the instructions, calling out the four pilots in question. “From the furthest hangar in the west, over the base and back,” she finished. 
“Did you understand any of that?” Jake’s voice came through the speaker and she could hear the smirk in his tone. 
“I’m aviationally challenged, not directionally challenged, Flyboy,” she teased back. 
“Pretty sure that’s not my call sign.”
“Nope, pretty sure I have the right ‘f-boy’.”
“Oh shit!” Fireball shouted, gaping at his CO. “Bear, you can’t just straight up murder a man like that.” 
Bear squinted at him. “Did you forget that that is literally part of our job?” 
“Right.” 
Up in the sky, Jake was still shell-shocked from her quick comeback. He prided himself in being able to put her off her game, but it seemed that she could do the same just as easily. 
“All good up there, Hangman? Haven’t heard confirmation of understanding just yet,” Bear said teasingly over his headset, making him groan in frustration. 
“Copy that, Ted-Bear,” he replied, the nickname he had for her slipping from his lips with ease. It was only a forced correction that had him changing it mid syllable. 
Glances were exchanged. Jake was acting weird, well, weirder than usual and while everyone had a guess as to what was happening, the other party supposedly involved seemed to be unaffected. If only they knew how untrue that was. The groan Jake had let out rattled through Bear’s head, mixing with the fantasies that ran rampant through her mind late at night. It was bad enough she had to see him in that damn flight suit on a daily basis. 
Maverick shouted “Go!” and the planes raced past. 
Bear watched the planes take off, racing each other down the straightaway. “Which one is which?” She asked Maverick. 
“Far right is Hangman. Payback and Fanboy are second left. Omaha is next to Hangman, and Harvard is far left,” he told her, watching the planes begin to distance themselves from one another. 
“And here they come!” Someone yelled from behind her. They were right. The planes raced back towards them with who she thought was Hangman in first place. Her suspicions were confirmed when he gave a shout of victory, whooping with delight. 
“Alright, back home Daggers,” Maverick told them. “Refuel, and we’ll come back up this afternoon.” 
“Copy Mav,” came the replies, with one pilot replying “Okay dad.” 
Bear turned to the Seals. “Grab your gear, we’re going back. We have a few more raid drills to practice before we’re done for the day.” 
She nodded to Maverick, who returned the gesture, before Bear led the Seals off at a run in the direction of the base. 
===
A/N: So they are in Saudi now! Still going to be a bit before it picks up, but Bear is still a boss bitch! Thank you to @startrekfangirl2233 @sarahsmi13s and @dakotakazansky for reading this part for me!
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351 notes · View notes
cellarspider · 1 month
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13/?? Science interlude!
(Previous) | (Index) | (Next)
⛬ 
We return to Prometheus, where I am taking a break to ramble about my job. A thing that I love. It will be a nice change. Also: weird blood!
I have been informed that some methods of accessing tumblr do not play well with long alt text rambles. To keep the flow between the main text and alt text separate, I’ll be copying the longest ones below the main text and citations. Captions that I think are going to be long enough to need this treatment will be marked with “Overflow Ramble [number]”, so they’ll be slightly easier to find. It’s not a perfect system, but Tumblr is not a perfect website.
And I am going to need the overflow space this time, because we’re getting into genetics!
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After electrocuting a decapitated alien head until it exploded into a shower of green gore, the creatures that claim to be scientists stuck a bit of the goop in some sort of very science-y DNA machine, leading to this:
“Let's have a look at its DNA. Isolate the strand. Okay. Compare it to the gene sample?”
“[Overlay… Processing… Processing… DNA MATCH.]”
“Oh, my God. It's us.”
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I want this preserved for posterity, because this made me absolutely hoot. They avoided fake science technobabble by going so far in the other direction that it becomes equally meaningless.
What the scene is trying to say is “this alien shares the vast majority of its genetic material with humans, indicating that they are in fact related.” 
I will get to how one would actually determine that, but first: The head turned into green goop. Green goop. Humans are notably not prone to turning into green goop. Otherwise Nickelodeon would’ve probably been shut down within a week.
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(Image credit: Rich Fury/KCA2021/Getty Images for Nickelodeon)
This annoyed me so much that years later, I dug up a possible explanation that backfills this with cool biology.
Humans, and almost all vertebrates have hemoglobin-filled blood. And on a tangent that I must follow: The only vertebrate that doesn’t is the icefish Channichthyidae family, commonly known as the white-blooded fish. 
You’ll never guess what’s special about them. 
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Yes, somehow these fish manage to live without hemoglobin, their blood only having 10% of the oxygen carrying capacity of their red-blooded cousins. Hell, most of them also lack myoglobin, which stores oxygen in muscle. The loss of myoglobin isn’t just a one-off event either, genetic studies have shown that these icefish have seen four distinct branches of their family tree lose myoglobin independently of each other. They have a wild series of adaptations to permit this, but basically they were already in such cold-oxygen rich water and moving so slow that they didn’t need all that extra oxygen-having stuff. They lost it, kept going, got bigger hearts, weirder muscles, and just kept going. They’ve actually expanded their range in the past 30 million years or so!
I love them! Evolution is wild. You know what’s also wild? There’s green-blooded vertebrates. Yes. You read that right. Yes, they still have hemoglobin. What they also have are staggering levels of biliverdin, which human bodies only produce when breaking down hemoglobin–when a bruise takes on a greenish hue, it’s because the dismantling of the blood under your skin has created biliverdin. While it’s generally been thought of as just a breakdown product, some research suggests that it also has protective effects against a number of diseases. In moderation, though. If you have enough of it to actually turn a bit green, you’ve got jaundice, which is not a thing you want to have. 
But for a number of fish species, bush frogs, and skinks, they have way more biliverdin. 
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(Austin, C. C., & Jessing, K. W. (1994). Green-blood pigmentation in lizards. Comparative Biochemistry and Physiology Part A: Physiology, 109(3), 619-626.)
Humans usually don’t have much circulating biliverdin at all, so the table above compares someone with untreated jaundice to a number of other species–fish with two to fourteen times that amount, and the green-blooded skinks have twenty-two times as much! These creatures have green blood and turquoise-colored bones, and we still don’t know why. Maybe it’s protection against diseases, maybe it’s protection against parasites like malaria, maybe it’s to make them really blend in with foliage. Could be all of those at once, could be none of them, we don’t know! What we do know is that, as with the icefish, the green-blooded skinks in particular have independently evolved this feature four different times. (Rodriguez, Z. B., Perkins, S. L., & Austin, C. C. (2018). Multiple origins of green blood in New Guinea lizards. Science Advances, 4(5), eaao5017.)
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(https://australian.museum/blog-archive/amri-news/amri-three-tiny-green-blooded-frogs-sing-like-birds/) 
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(https://web.archive.org/web/20180619143048/https://blog.nationalgeographic.org/2013/09/30/why-do-mysterious-lizards-have-green-blood/) 
We have no mammals identified with biliverdin-filled green blood, you would need a lot of tweaks to how our bodies function to make this work. But it’s not literally impossible, like I thought in the theater! I’m quite sure the prop department didn’t do this level of research on the subject, but think about it! 
I love biology! It’s! So! Weird!
And because I love biology, you’re not getting rid of me yet. My chosen field is genetics. This movie has presented me with a laughable sci-fi depiction of what we do. 
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So! What do we actually do, when we want to find out how related we are to another species?
I’m going to get into excruciating detail, so here’s the top-line summary: We extract the DNA, mash it up into readable little chunks, use some wicked cool machines to do the actual reading, and then we compare the target DNA with our DNA, and do some cooler stuff the movie isn’t aware of. A competent analysis would not only be able to tell you how much overlap two genomes have, but also be able to estimate how long the two species have been genetically distinct. 
Is this way more than the movie needed for this plot point? Yes. But they didn’t actually have to do this at all, they could’ve just said the truth that science fiction usually ignores for budgetary reasons: “there’s no way these beings independently evolved to look so much like us, we have to be related.” 
(Although even Star Trek, despite being the classic example of “putting a rubber thing on an actor’s forehead to make them an alien”, actually does acknowledge this. Precisely once. TNG s6e20, “The Chase”. It has never been mentioned again in the main line series, possibly because Rick Berman didn’t like it.)
Now. Time for me to take you all on a grand tour of DNA sequencing and phylogenetic analysis. You are all getting into the Willy Wonka boat with me. You have no choice.
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So! You have a sample you’ve taken from a non-human mammal, one that’s never been genetically analyzed before. You are very lucky. You get to do fun stuff.
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But before you get to sequencing, you have to purify any DNA in the sample. Your sample is full of all sorts of other biochemical gunk, and when cells are happy, DNA is packed away in the nucleus–you need to crack those open to get at the DNA. 
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Next, you need to break the DNA into chunks, that’s #1 on the diagram above. For most of the past twenty years, this has meant chunking DNA down into pieces 25-50 letters long–just enough to probably get something unique over most of the genome, though you will have some areas that look identical at that tiny scale. In recent times, we’ve been getting better and better at what’s called “long read sequencing”, which at this point means fragments of several thousand DNA letters in length–though that’s still pretty short, compared to human chromosomes though: the average length of a human chromosome is 134 million letters long.
Depending on the sequencing technology and its needs, the sample may also need “amplification”: getting copied over and over using a protein originally harvested from hotspring-loving bacteria (#2). I always love that bit just as a concept: it’s one of many places where the modern study of genetics uses the microscopic, biological machinery of proteins for our own use! 
After everything’s prepared, Then the sequencing itself can occur. That too is wild–the most common versions these days use tiny little fluorescent proteins to tag each letter of the DNA and read the sequence of lights (#3!). Some use infinitesimally tiny electrical modulations as DNA passes by a microscopic reader. There’s loads of different ways, anything works, so long as it can be read by a computer.
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All this takes place in machines that are either small enough to fit on a countertop, or big enough to look like a fridge, and come in Apple White or Cheap Plastic Appliance.
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Because you have a new species, you’re building what we call a reference genome. This tries to capture as much of the entire genome sequence as possible. Here’s an interesting wrinkle, though–A lot of samples won’t be just DNA from your target species! You might be picking up microbial DNA along the way as well. That can be really interesting and worth knowing about, though! Some people spend their whole careers studying the genomes of microbes found on people’s skin, or in their bodies. You’ll be computationally sorting out which sequences are in contiguous, mammalian chromosomes, which are from mitochondrial DNA (those cute little powerhouses have their own genomes!), and which come from microbes.
At the end of it, you have sequenced an entire genome. Because you want to find out how related it is to humans, you compare it to our reference genome–The human reference genomes we use is an assembly made from multiple individuals.* We use the reference genome as a common point of comparison that we refer to when studying genetic variation.
*Though if you’re working with data form the Genome Reference Consortium as is usually standard, one anonymous African-European donor, RP11, is still the backbone of the reference, accounting for 70% of the latest assembly.
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(https://mk.bcgsc.ca/telomere-to-telomere-human-genome-assembly/posters.mhtml)
So, we’d compare this new mammalian genome to our own–how much overlap would we find? A lot. How you define our similarities and differences from other species can change the answer, but you’ll expect a lot of overlap. Some areas of the genome diverge faster than others, others are highly conserved–generally the more stable it is, the more important it is for our function. 
Through many, many, many studies and corroboration with the archaeological record, we’ve worked out how to estimate how long ago two species diverged from each other. Actually, you’d rarely be comparing between just two species at this stage–get out all the other relevant reference genomes you’ve got! Compare them all! Build a phylogenetic tree–the modern version of that “tree of life” idea that Darwin popularized. Then you’ll have a more accurate sense of how your mystery species relates to everything.
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(https://www.embl.org/news/science/a-new-tree-of-life-allows-a-closer-look-at-the-origin-of-species/) 
I’m going to go off on a tangent to end this post, because that’s just the start, taking the entire genome of a single individual. This is what most people think is what we always do. But no! That’s expensive overkill for most experiments. Once you’re familiar with a species, and you’ve sequenced DNA from many individuals, you can identify areas where lots of them have sequence variants. These can be completely benign, differences that make us all unique, or make an individual more susceptible to disease. This allows us to target what we want out of DNA sequencing: Are we trying to diagnose an illness? Identify a person from a tissue sample? Or are we doing something more exploratory?
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Depending on what you want, you select anywhere from a handful of locations, up to tens of thousands. The closest many people have gotten to this stuff is through ancestry services like 23andMe, which uses this kind of sequencing.
But that’s not all! There’s so many different targets to choose from, depending on what you want to do! So many techniques to get DNA in different ways! And we still haven’t gotten to the part that I actually work on.
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I’m a computational geneticist. I get all the gigabytes of data that comes out of these experiments and I get to dig into the details, the patterns that emerge between genetic code and the details of the organisms we study, the connections between genome sequence and other, wilder things we can collect data on, the dizzying complexities of what goes on every microsecond of every day in every cell in your body.
I love my job. 
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Citations for alt-text rambles:
1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_YuTMDkWfI 2. https://doi.org/10.1242/jeb.116129 note: this source lists the image as credit to “J.M.B.”, which is not how I’m used to seeing images credited. Those are the initials of one of the authors, but I thought it meant “Journal of Molecular Biology”, so I went on a half hour wander around the internet trying to find where the hell this fish blood came from. 3. https://www.thebhs.org/publications/the-herpetological-journal/volume-13-number-4-october-2003/1729-01-hyperbiliverdinemia-in-the-shingleback-lizard-tiliqua-rugosa 4. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1439-0264.2009.00952.x 5. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandrill#Characteristics 6. https://www.vogue.com/article/dune-part-two-costumes-jacqueline-west-interview 7. http://dx.doi.org/10.13140/RG.2.2.29564.08327 8. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/357946568_New_approaches_and_concepts_to_study_complex_microbial_communities 9. https://karobben.github.io/2023/10/30/Bioinfor/PacBio/ 
Overflow Ramble 1
 the fuckin “DNA MATCH” machine. I already wrote a 380-word alt-text about this thing last time. I’m not doing it again. I’m going to talk about things I like instead. Such as Dune: Part Two! Yes! I mentioned it last week and then didn’t ramble about it after seeing it. Well, NOW I WILL. tl;dr it’s good, go see it. I only vaguely remember the book, but I liked the changes they made to center the fact that no, Paul becoming Lisan al-Gaib is not actually a good thing.
Man, it’s nice to see a movie where the costumers and set designers got good time to work on their craft. (cite 6) Even the generic Harkonnen soldiers looked great–reminded me a lot of my beloved Warframe, probably because the costume designer was using H.R. Giger for inspiration there. Everything felt real. Even the stuff that definitely wasn’t–the gigantic spice harvesters and ships felt like living, physically present beings. The sand worms looked great. The movie did a fantastic job visually communicating the massive size of so many things. Especially because the camera remains restrained: no weightless zipping around, the camera itself follows paths and finds locations that make sense. 
Chakobsa continues to be a fantastic conlang, now the work of both David and Jesse Peterson. It’s heard a lot more in this movie, and there are some great flourishes with it. While there isn’t as much Arabic vocabulary in it as in the original books, I remember from DJP’s work streams that he definitely was using the grammar of Arabic as one of his touchstones. Most key words remain Arabic though–jihad was removed, but it made me double-take in the theater when Stilgar referred to Paul as the Mahdi.
I’m of two minds about lowering the Arab influences on the Fremen–on the one hand, missing representation, which included some explicit ties to real world anti-imperial struggles in North Africa and the Middle East. On the other, these first two movies are about how the Fremen are manipulated by a colonial power, using their adherence to a faith that was manipulated by a different colonial power. They become both hapless victims and also perpetrators of colonial violence, with only Chani seeing through it.
I think the general decisionmaking process on cultural changes was motivated by a desire to remove some of Frank Herbert’s bad ideas–particularly around the Harkonnens, thank fuck. That seems to have been the thinking around altering the Fremen a bit as well. Did it succeed? Not my place to say. On all other notes, I have no reservations recommending the movie. It’s a very earnest attempt to bring that world to life, and I think it succeeds.
Overflow Ramble 2
A figure showing the basic steps of the standard Illumina sequencing method (cite 7). It is broken into four sub-figures:
Library Preparation. The genome is snipped into small fragments, then adapters are attached (“ligated”) to stabilize the molecule and make it behave. This creates a “library” of DNA that will be read from.
DNA library bridge amplification. The adapters on DNA fragments stick to a prepared plate, which is covered in little clusters of molecules that specially attach to those adapters. Biochemical processes are then carried out in repeated cycles to duplicate (or “amplify”) those fragments in such a way that the clusters on the plate are all filled with copies of just one DNA fragment.
DNA library sequencing. The DNA is modified so that the four letters it’s made out of all glow a specific color, with each DNA letter shining in sequence. This is pure awesome and I love it.
Alignment and data analysis. Because of some details on how step 1 is done, you have lots of fragments that create an overlapping patchwork of sequences. This allows (most of) the genome to be pasted back together by looking for overlaps (“contiguous sequences”, or “contigs” for short).
Congratulations! You have just attended an abridged graduate-level introductory lecture on Illumina sequencing.
Overflow Ramble 3
A diagram of PacBio Systems’ sequencing technology, Single Molecule, Real-Time Sequencing, or SMRT Sequencing, because scientists love acronyms. Pretty much every step is different from how Illumina does it. I cannot find a diagram that’s both brief and also good at explaining what it’s showing, so this is the best I could find. It’s split into four parts with attendant text, which I’ll try and explain as well.
“SMRTbell template. Two hairpin adapters allow continuous circular sequencing.”
Library preparation basically involves taking a longer chunk of DNA and splitting it in half lengthwise, in such a way that the two strands of DNA will form a single-stranded loop. This is called a SMRTbell library. Why? I have no idea! 
“ZMW wells. Sites where sequencing takes place.”
Then, these are fed into SMRT Cells, which contain zero-mode waveguides (ZMWs). I was once told what this means, and I have completely forgotten, but it sounds like something from Gundam.
“Modified polymerase. As a nucleotide is incorporated by the polymerase, a camera records the emitted light.”
What I do understand is that at the bottom of each of these little holes, they stick a molecule which the DNA sticks to. This molecule, a polymerase, has precisely one job: make more DNA, an exact copy of what it’s latched onto. So you give it this loop of DNA, feed it a soup of free DNA letters, and it starts cranking out a new strand. 
“PacBio output. A camera records the changing colours from all ZMWs; each colour change corresponds to one base.”
Each one of the DNA letters given to the polymerase has a special modifier, on it which flashes a color when the polymerase slots it into the new strand it’s making. A camera picks up this flash. And, because the DNA is a circle, the polymerase doesn’t know where to stop–it just keeps going and going until something breaks or it runs out of letters to work with. This means that even if the camera misses a flash the first time, it will have more chances to see it, and confirm what it already saw.
Wait what in the fuck this figure was from somebody’s thesis (cite 8), but that wasn’t what actually got this into search results. What got it there was a github page with a vtuber avatar sitting in the corner?? What??? (cite 9)
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spock-smokes-weed · 7 months
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It sucks that so many Omegaverse and mpreg fics, whether implicitly or explicitly, regurgitate anti-choice thinking, or just reductive ideas around pregnancy and fertility.
The Omegaverse as a genre sits in such a weird space for me cus it’s honesty such a great playground for exploring ideas about gender, social structures, etc. But it can also just reenforce gender essentialist  thinking depending on how you write it.
Things like gender expectations, your gender suddenly being at odds with your body once you hit puberty, and people assuming things about you based off what you look like vs. your “biology”, are all these super interesting ideas to explore in a fictionalized world. But noooo it’s just copy and pasted gender essentialism.
I totally get why a lot of ppl hate the Omegaverse, and tbh I’m right there with you. But I can fix him. I know I can fix him.
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deaconusdelirium · 1 year
Text
Readers Unconscious
Alright, it’s been a long time since I wrote for any CoD characters, so forgive me if they seem OOC (but hey, it’s fanfic so who cares?)
Request: "I am so excited for the campaign. But I also had a request sent to you in the past, about how the Cold War characters would carry you if you were to pass out. Could I change that to the Task force 141, Los vaqueros and shadow company? Maybe add Woods? Also, they have feelings for the reader but they don't want her to know 👉👈"
You're wish is my command love<3
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Simon 'Ghost' Riley-
Ghost is used to people being in his personal space. He wants the enemy to know that he's not scared of them especially with how close they are. So he tries to wake you up at first, shaking you a bit, and there's really no time to sit and wait. He was going to just carry you with both arms but he has all that extra equipment on his chest and he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. So he kinda just.. pulls you up onto his back, like a piggy back ride. He couldn't care less on personal space in a time like this so he pretty much just lets you take all the time you need.
Johnny 'Soap' Mactavish-
This man has feral energy. We've seen first hand his level of sarcasm and what his humors like. But he can also be very serious, so when you're out like a light, he panics before trying to radio Ghost on what to do. However he's not picking up and that leaves him alone. He tries to find the best position to pick you up without making it awkward, considering the feelings he's had tucked away for awhile. But the easiest way for him was to just last you across his shoulders like basic training does. He's not the best in stealth so it leaves room for him to reach for his gun without dropping you
Alejandro Vargas-
My man is very very respectful, he doesn't want to touch you in anyway that makes you or him feel weird or bad about it later. If anything, Rodolfo is most likely with him, so he can always ask to have him throw one arm around his shoulder while he grabs the other. But say it's just the two of you, then what? He's straight to the point about things, so he's not wasting any time. He wants to get out of this situation fast, he also wants you to be safe, making him speed up the process. He doesn't wear many stuff, so throwing you over his shoulder will do, so even when you wake up he'll just plant you right back on your feet
Phillip Graves-
Graves is respectful when others are around, but when they aren't, all that, just goes out the window. He probably wouldn't like it when you do pass out, most likely reprimand you later on. But he also can't help but feel bad, he wants to show you he can be caring, so not taking it out on you is him being nice. If anything, he'll have one of his shadows carry you instead of him doing so himself. But if they're all out in different positions leaving just the two of you. He's already somewhat upset and having you unconscious gets a little more on his nerves. Don't expect him to be gentle, he keeps one hand on his gun and the other is grabbing the little handle on the back of your vest and dragging you along. Just be grateful he didn't leave you where you were, that's him being generous
Frank Woods-
I feel like his is pretty obvious, but that might just be me. But remember when Woods had to drag Mason? It's like that, but it's not. He likes you, and the thing you two have going on is something he wants to see where it leads to. He's very touchy feely with you, and has no problem carrying you bridal style, we all know he has a chaotic personality, so carrying you like this is probably the most gentlest way he could carry you in this situation. He somewhat takes it serious within that time, careful not to hurt you or put you in an uncomfortable position. He checks on you every now and then just to make sure you're still breathing
———
Copy and pasted from Wattpad.
Get ready fckrs, this new game has me feeling… feelings
Ghost👀
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leewriting · 2 years
Text
Things that matter more
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Roommate au Mafia au
Roommates to lovers
Jungkook x reader
At first, getting a new roommate after your friend had moved out appalled you. Just thinking about sharing your space with a stranger put you on edge, but as the weeks went by and the rent went up you had no other choice but to post that stupid ad. In many ways living with Jungkook is perfect for an introverted med student like yourself. He pays rent on time and is seldom home leaving the apartment quiet and clean. On the other hand, there is the small problem of him stumbling in at three in the morning, hurt and letting blood stain your new carpet.
Wordcount:32k
Warnings: Mentions of death, abuse and dead bodies, blood and injuries, angst
A/N, okay so I have become so attached to this story. I hope you all love it as much as I do. Please let me know what you think by commenting. I love you all and I hope you enjoy the story. 
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“I hate you.” You glare. You can feel the absolute rage build up inside you until you finally explode and hit the stupid printer.  It still doesn’t want to print your assignment. 
“Okay, I’m sorry I promise I won’t do that again.” you plead, close to tears. “But it is kind of your own fault.” You bite your lip, are you really trying to gaslight your printer? 
“Okay you win, see” you start backing up, hands held in front of you. “I’m going to leave, and we can try and work this out when I get back.” You turn and retreat from your room. 
You sigh. Okay, maybe you’ve finally gone crazy, but you are at your wit's end. You need to have this printed before tomorrow because your professor apparently still lives in the dark ages and wants everything to be submitted in hard copy. 
It’s 3 am and the apartment is dark and silent. You feel a tingle travel down your spine and you race down the hallway for the light switch next to the front door. 
Breathing a sigh of relief with the lights officially on, you turn to the kitchen ready for a cup of coffee. But you freeze when you see the figure standing behind the island. The scream leaves your throat before you have a chance to think. 
The man in your kitchen swirls around and your scream dies down immediately. It’s just Jungkook. 
Jungkook your roommate for the past 6 months is home earlier than you expected. He must have gotten off early from work.  You’re not sure what his job is, hell you’re not even sure what his middle name is or if he even has one for that matter. He showed up at your doorstep after you posted the ad. At first, you were apprehensive of course about him being a man and all, but you didn’t really have another choice unless you wanted to live with Becky a girl you can’t stand, so you agreed. 
Living with him is much better than you expected, he cleans up after himself, and as mentioned he is almost never home meaning you get the rent paid without having to deal with petty roommate drama. It’s a win-win situation. 
“You okay?” Jungkook asks his eyebrow raised and surveying you after your little freak out.
You blush, feeling foolish. “Yes, sorry I didn’t know you were here.” You look away trying to come off nonchalant even though your heart is still racing from the fright you had. 
“Well, I do live here you know.” He smirks, pouring milk into a glass. 
“Yeah, I never see you so I forget.” You blurt out. You didn’t mean to say that. You guess your mouth is just running away on its own now. Maybe there is a medical condition for it. You should look it up, you bet it’s called being stupid and unable to function late at night without coffee. 
He just hums and nods, taking a sip of his milk, not bothered by your statement. 
“Why were you in the dark anyway?” You ask, realising how weird it is that he didn’t turn on a light. 
“Working on my night vision.” He smirks and struts to his door. “Goodnight.” He gives a little wave before closing his room door behind him. 
You stand there confused for a moment but you brush it off. It’s not unusual, this is how most of your conversations with him go. He always dodges questions with strange remarks. However, you still have a good relationship, maybe it’s more like a common understanding that just because you live together means you can be acquaintances without being friends.
Making friends with people isn’t really your strong suit. Mostly you feel too uncomfortable in social situations to really talk to others, and when you do start talking most people tend to stare at you as if you grew a second head. Someone once told you your sense of humour is apparently off-putting, whatever that means. Mostly you say the wrong things at the wrong time when meeting someone so you shy away from situations with strangers. 
That’s why you don’t really try too hard to get to know Jungkook. You feel it’ll only make things more awkward if he knew that his roommate is an awkward human who thinks talking about true crime is the epitome of conversation.
You head to the kitchen still in thought, and magically you’re able to make yourself coffee without burning your hand off with boiling water. It’s a real accomplishment at this time of night.
You sit on the couch for a bit, rejoicing in the silence around you before you hear the printer you were abusing finally coming to its senses and doing its job. With a sigh you place your cup in the sink and head back to your room, only to find your papers scattered across the floor as the printer keeps spitting out more. 
“Fuck” You groan out in irritation and you swear you hear a giggle coming from the room next door. 
.
.
.
“He chopped up his victims and buried them in the woods near his house.” The true-crime podcast is playing in the background while you make notes. You’re up later than usual, much later, but you need to get these notes done before class tomorrow. 
You hear the front door creak open. You immediately stop what you’re doing, pausing the podcast in the process. You sit in silence waiting for the tell-tale sign of Jungkook walking to his room. The shoes he wears always make enough noise to be able to track every step. You once told him he can probably kick someone unconscious with his shoes. He only responded with a smirk. 
You don’t hear him at all and you’re getting paranoid now. Maybe listening to a true crime podcast this time of night isn’t such a good idea as you thought it would be. You take a deep breath in, deciding what to do. You reach for your phone and dial Jungkook’s number. 
He once told you that if there was ever an emergency you should call him. You scoffed at the time but now you hope that he counts a possible murderer as one of those emergencies. You press the phone to your ear but frown when you hear his ringtone blast through the apartment. You swear he is the only person you know who doesn't have his phone on silent all the time.
You get up hesitantly when he doesn't pick up. You follow his ringtone to the living room and freeze. 
There on the floor laying face down on the new rug is your roommate. You frown as the weird red tye-dye on his shirt seems to be spreading onto said rug. Your eyes grow wide as the realisation hits you. It’s not tye-dye it’s fucking blood!
You rush to his side. 
“Jungkook!” He groans, at least he is still awake, “Hey can you hear me?” 
“No.” He groans out and you would have laughed if he wasn’t currently possibly bleeding out. 
“What happened? Is there someone in the apartment?” Your frenzied mind immediately goes back to your suspicions of a murderer.
“No.” He says again and you feel a bit relieved even if he isn’t answering your first question. 
“Okay, I need you to turn around.” You try to roll him over but it’s only with his help that you manage. You never guessed all that muscle would make him this heavy. 
“Uhm okay…” Your hands hover over his torso. His entire shirt in the front is soaked with blood and he is too pale for your liking. “Okay, this is fine.” 
You pull up his shirt and gasp at the cut on his side. “Okay, maybe this is not fine.” Your breath is haggard as panic sets in, but just as it does the med-student in you take over. This is just another emergency patient right? You can treat this, you’ve done it before. Just not alone without a supervisor to step in if you mess up, and not without the proper supplies. Still, you know what to do at least.
You pull your shirt over your head and press it onto the wound, making him wince. You press down hard but realise all your supplies are in your room. 
“Okay Jungkook here.” You try to say it as calmly as possible, while you move his hand over yours. “Press hard okay.” You instruct and hope that he heard you because you’re up and running immediately. 
You fly into your room and snatch up your first aid kit before you sprint back, sliding on your knees to him in your panic. Your skin burns from the friction, but you don’t have time to look. 
You rip open your med kit and replace Jungkook’s hand on the cloth that was once your favourite baggy shirt. You cautiously lift it up and breathe out a sigh of relief when you see the bleeding has stopped. 
“You’re okay, I’m okay we are all going to be okay,” you ramble while you pack out your supplies. 
“That is very reassuring.” Jungkook jokes and you stare. 
“How can you joke right now?” You almost scream out.
Jungkook rolls his eyes. “It’s not that bad.” 
“Not that bad…are you looking at it?” Your eyes are wide while you survey his much too calm face. Why does he almost look used to this? “ Nevermind don’t look.” You’re afraid he’ll start panicking if he does.
You wet gauze with disinfectant. “ This is going to sting.” You warn him before pressing the gauze to the cut. He immediately groans and grabs your arm trying to stop you, before he realises what he’s doing and lets it go again. 
Once clean, you can get a good look at the wound. If you had to guess he tried to dodge whatever it was by turning out of the way. Clearly, it didn’t work and now you have no choice.
“It’s going to need stitches.” You bite your lip.
“Great then get on with it please.” 
“Get on with… Jungkook stitches.” You repeat yourself sure he didn’t hear. “ As in threading a needle through your skin and I don’t have any numbing agent.” 
“Is your bedside manner always this calming?” He hisses through his teeth in pain.  Your eyes are wide, and he sighs when he looks at your face. “Just do it okay, I can take it.” 
You nod and bite your lip before threading the needle. 
Throughout the procedure, he lies as still as possible but his constant wincing and the few whimpers that escape his clenched jaw give away that he is in pain. Overall you just try to work as fast as possible. For the first time, you’re glad for all the times your professor made you redo your stitches because now you at least know that you’re doing it right.
“Alright all done, let me just wrap you up.” You state after a few moments, snipping the thread. You place all your now blood soaked tools on the coffee table, you’ll clean it up later,  and come back with gauze and bandages. 
Jungkook is still breathing heavily from the stitches sitting up a bit now. As soon as you start wrapping the bandages you can’t stop your eyes from wandering. Yes, he has a nice body but the thing that makes you almost gasp is all the healed scars. The faint white lines contrast with his skin. Your curiosity about the situation is spiked.
“Ouch.” Jungkook let’s slip when you finish tying the bandage. 
“Sorry.” You apologise. For the first time, you survey him further. His torso is bruised badly, and for a moment you wonder if his ribs are damaged. His cheekbone is blossoming with purple hues and his lip is split, dried with blood. You sigh and pick up a gauze pad wetting it with the disinfectant.
“What are you doing?” Jungkook asks, leaning back until his back meets the wall while you lean forward, the gauze held up in your hand. 
“Will you please just hold still.” He hesitates long enough for you to press the gauze against his lip. 
“Ouch.” 
“Sorry.” You scoot closer to him so that you have more control and he looks at you. 
“Thank you.” He says it softy and you nod, trying not to look at his intense staring eyes, you rather concentrate on his lip, dabbing it lightly with the gauze.
“Y/n” He encases your wrist with his hand making you stop and look at him in surprise. He is frowning slightly.
“Really thank you.” His face softens as he says the words, truly meaning them. Your brain struggles to come up with a reply but your mouth is clearly not affected.
“It’s a pleasure, I’m just really glad you didn’t die. I don't know how I would have gotten rid of your body.”  You immediately mentally cringe. You always make stupid jokes like this in awkward situations. You had to learn to stop yourself for hospital practicals, but clearly, your training isn’t helping now.
Jungkook stares at you in shock and you’re just about to apologise when he starts laughing, wincing a bit but continuing. 
“Yeah, I doubt you would have been able to drag me to the woods to bury me.” His reply surprises you, most people rarely appreciate your sense of humour.
“No, I would have probably had to chop you up.” You wait for his response, you’re sure he will change the topic but he just laughs again.
“O yeah, serial killer style okay.” He nods as if in thought and you frown, laughing at the twist the conversation has taken. “I don’t think that would be the best way though.” 
“O and why not?” You have no idea why you feel defensive about the way you would dispose of a dead body.
“Because the mess would be way too much,” He says it so calmly, “Imagine the cleaning. You would definitely not get your deposit back on this place.” He grimaces at the idea and you laugh.
“You’re probably right,” You cave. “I’ll be sure to ask your advice if I ever need to hide a body.” 
“I am nothing if not helpful.” He jokes. 
You’ve never seen him smile this much, come to think of it you’ve barely seen him smile at all. It suits him, especially when his eyes crinkle up and his front teeth show the way it is doing now. 
“Jungkook?” His name calls his attention to you immediately. You know it’s probably overstepping a boundary but you just feel like you need to know. “What happened?” 
His face goes blank for a moment. He clears his throat. “ I was mugged.” 
You don’t believe him, it sounds almost practised. He also doesn’t meet your eyes completely, but overall you can’t be sure he is lying. You don't know his tells, hell you don’t even really know him. 
“I’m sorry that happened. I’m glad you’re safe.” You don’t push and you can see he appreciates it. If he was really mugged he probably doesn’t want to talk about it.
A lull falls over you two. You play with the gauze stretching it apart. You mentally chastise yourself. You just had to go and ruin the moment with your curiosity. 
“I’m sorry.” He breaks the silence.
“Huh?” You frown at him and you stare even harder when you see his cheeks becoming a pinkish shade. At least you know he has enough blood to blush. 
“I’m sorry about the rug.” He motions with his head to the big red stain on your once pretty rug. You can’t make him feel bad about it though.
“It’s okay, I like modern art anyway.” You awkwardly chuckle trying to reassure him, but when you see he is biting his lip still staring at the stain you sigh. 
“You can make it up to me okay?” You say patting his shoulder. The movement feels very weird, out of place for some reason. 
You watch his face morph into one of exhaustion very quickly. The adrenaline finally wearing off. 
“I think you should go rest.” You say in your best doctor voice. Jungkook shows no resistance and just nods before slowly getting up, wincing with every movement and holding onto his injured side but he refuses your help. 
You follow him to his room door. You worry that he’ll tear the stitches or what if you did it wrong and he bleeds out during the night? He turns around to face your anxious form. 
“I’ll be fine Y/n don’t worry.” He says as if reading your mind. 
“Call me if anything happens okay.” You get a nod in return heading to your own room, hearing his door close behind you. 
Once in the comfort of your room, you take a second to process what happened, leaning against your door and counting the events on your fingers. 
One, you had treated your first patient by yourself.
Two, unfortunately, it happened to be your mysteriously bleeding roommate at 3 in the morning, 
Three, afterwards, you had the longest and weirdest conversation you’ve ever had with him.
And four, apparently, as you move further into your room and catch sight of yourself in the mirror, you did all this in your bra.
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The morning light creeps into your room much faster than you feel necessary. Your head feels groggy as if every thought has to trek through mud to make an appearance. You rub your eyes and slowly open them, only to groan at the onslaught of the sunlight on your eyes. 
You sit on the bed for another second, before the desire for coffee drags you out of it. You swing your body to the side standing up only to stumble. Why do your knees hurt so much? 
You rack your brain for the possible reason for the bruises on them. You try to recall what happened last night before you .
You were making your notes when… o shit Jungkook.
You hurriedly walk out of your room, stopping at his door. You listen intently for any sign of him being in there, but you're only met with silence. Maybe you should go in, but you feel like that would be crossing a line, and you’re sure that if something was wrong he would have called for you. Or well you hope he would. So instead you continue to the kitchen.
Your sight is set on the coffee maker, it shines like a glowing beckon for your tired brain. You reach for it turning it on when you suddenly stop and backtrack. There on the black counter is one of your favourite cups filled with now lukewarm coffee. The coffee however isn’t what makes you smile. It’s the sticky note stuck to it. The letters were clearly written carefully, forming two words. Thank you.
You remove the neon pink note and stick it on the wall where it contrasts nicely with the white tile.
You wonder where your roommate is, it feels too quiet in the apartment for him to be home. Usually, there would be noise coming from his room. Games or something, but now there is absolute silence, which means he’s probably not home. You know he didn’t die through the night though because the coffee isn’t cold, so there is that to at least calm your anxious mind. You just hope that wherever he is, he is not tearing his stitches.
You take a sip of the coffee and wrinkle your nose at the bitter liquid. You can’t blame him that he doesn’t know to put sugar in your coffee. You drink it nonetheless, you can’t have the gesture go to waste. 
You smile as you catch sight of the note again, picking up a sticky note, from the pile you usually use for grocery lists you write a quick “my pleasure” on it. Something feels missing though, so without thinking about it twice you add a small “Don’t die” at the bottom, hoping he would appreciate it. You stick it on his bedroom door to make sure he sees it as you head past to get dressed because you just realised that you are late, very late. 
You don’t think you’ve ever gotten ready so fast. Your exciting 3 am seemed to have impacted your sleep a little bit too much and now you’re going to be late for class if you don’t leave. You barely remember to lock the door. Your last thought before you rush to the elevator is that Jungkook better not bleed out through the day.
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“No mom I’m fine, I just had a bad day.” You have your phone pressed between your ear and your shoulder as you talk to your mom while walking through the aisles of the convenience store. 
“No, there is nothing you can do mom, I’m just getting chocolate, and then heading home.” You bend down finally finding what you were looking for. 
You had a very bad day, classes have been killing you inside, and today of all days your professor just had to call on you with a question you didn’t know the answer to. The embarrassment and your group’s decision to work on an assignment till late have mixed together to make you feel drained and just completely over today. 
“Yeah, I’ll be safe,” You pack your things on the counter for the cashier to ring up. “Okay love you too.” You finally hang up. You don’t know how your mom just knew to call you but hearing her voice made you feel better. 
“Bad day?” The man asks you while packing everything into a bag for you.
“That obvious huh?” You ask handing over the money. 
“The amount of chocolate might have given it away.” He smiles and you blush and nod taking the bag that he hands over. 
“Hey if you’re not busy later,” He continues before you can leave. “Maybe I can try to make your day better.” 
You stare at him shocked, did he just ask you out on a date? 
“O, uhm…” You’re not sure what to say, obviously you don’t want to go out with him but you don’t know how to turn him down. 
“It’s alright I think the uhm… chocolate will do the job.” You say awkwardly, “Besides I can’t tell if you're an axe murderer.” He stares at you and you cringe inwardly, that might not have been the best way to turn him down. You guess after all the joking with Jungkook you forgot how people react when you say things like that. 
So leaving the situation you turn and walk out the door without waiting to see if he’ll reply. 
Blushing hard you walk down the street. How do some people react so well to your humour and others just don’t? Or well you guess only one person reacts well. But you mean you do have a point, he could be a serial killer or something, maybe it just wasn’t the best thing to say it out loud, to his face.
It’s already dark, but your apartment is only a block away so you decide to just walk instead of waiting for a bus. It’s a nice night out, not too hot or cold and the fresh air isn’t something you get enough of, so you continue down the street. 
There aren’t many people out and soon a strange feeling of being watched takes over you. You turn around to look behind you but there is only a couple following you down the sidewalk. You breathe out, nothing to worry about. That is until they cross the street and the sound of footsteps behind you makes you aware of someone else following you. 
Just relax Y/n it’s probably just another person like you walking home, you’re just being paranoid, that’s all, you try to convince yourself. But the feeling of being watched doesn’t disappear and you start walking faster. Your heart rate speeds up when the footsteps start becoming faster as well. You refuse to look back and let the person know you’re aware of them so you keep your head down and walk even faster. The footsteps are closer now and you can see an alley coming up. You’re just about to make a run for it across the street not caring if you’re jaywalking or looking foolish when a figure comes out of nowhere from the side. 
You freeze in fear but when the light falls over the stranger's face you relax. It’s Jungkook. 
“Hey what are you doing here?” You ask breathing out a sigh of relief and look back over your shoulder only to see the man that was walking behind you cross the street.
“I uh… got off of work early and saw you walking so I thought I’d join you,” Jungkook replies following the man with his eyes before he smiles and takes the bag out of your hand and carries it for you. 
“O, well thank you.” You say falling into step beside him.
“Did you do grocery shopping?” He peeks into the bag and immediately starts laughing. “I guess not.” He chuckles.
“I had a bad day okay,” You go to rip the bag from his hand but he moves it out of your grasp, swatting away your hand. 
“So your reaction is to buy half of the store’s chocolate?” He teases, smiling at you. 
You cross your arms over your chest defensively. “Yes, it is a coping mechanism.”
He just giggles and the sound makes you stare at him, you’ve never heard him giggle before and it almost makes you want to laugh. You survey the way he’s limping a bit to the side of his injury making a mental note to check on it.
“I’m glad to see you’re still alive.” You state without thinking and he frowns for a second before realisation seems to dawn on him and he nods. 
“I was planning on dying but then I saw your note and decided against it.” He smiles referring to the sticky note you left him. “I didn’t want to disobey my doctor’s orders.”
“Good, because that would really have tainted my reputation,” You state straight-faced, “ letting someone die before even graduating imagine.”
“Yeah, that would have been bad for you.” He agrees nodding profusely causing you to chuckle. 
You fall into silence, and you breathe in the fresh air deeply, glad that he showed up so you don’t have to be so paranoid. 
“Y/n.” He breaks the silence with a serious tone of voice. You look at him, his face is just as serious as his voice. “You shouldn’t be walking alone.” 
You sigh. “I know I just really wanted chocolate.” You try to justify your actions even if the excuse sounds lame to your own ears.
“Next time, call me okay,” You frown at him unsure of what he’s saying. “I’ll bring you chocolate.” 
You’re taken aback by his words. He’s offering to bring you chocolate so that you don’t have to walk at night? 
“I’ll keep that in mind.” You mumble not knowing what else to say. You didn’t expect him to say something like that, you guess maybe the fact that you two seemed to be able to have a whole conversation made it easier for him to talk to you or maybe it made it easier for you. He does seem much more approachable than he use to. He always came across as cold, but now you guess you’re seeing his true personality coming out to you and you like it, or maybe he hit his head last night as well.
“I’m sorry you had a bad day.” He tries to keep the conversation going and you look at him in surprise. Jip, he definitely hit his head. But you don’t want to be rude so you answer.
“It’s okay.” 
You reach your apartment door without saying another word, but the silence wasn’t awkward like you expected it was more like a comfortable one. 
“Careful,” he muses when walking into the apartment, “The rug is wet.” He says it almost sheepishly but plays it off as nonchalantly as he can.
You look down to find the rug wet and the bloodstain now a mere trace of pink. 
“You cleaned it?” You say in wonder, stepping over it so as not to get your socks wet. 
“Yeah I know you said you like modern art but I assumed you were joking.” He puts the bag down on the counter. “Unless you weren’t in which case I can bleed on it again.” 
You laugh at his serious face and it morphs into a smile. 
“That’s okay.” You giggle, before saying very seriously, “Please don’t do that.” He nods. 
You survey the way he is standing gripping onto his side.
“How are you doing? With the injury and all?” You ask trying to tread lightly in case he becomes defensive like some people do when asked.
To your surprise, he grimaces, “I was hoping you could maybe take a look at it?” 
“Yeah of course.” You nod a bit flattered that he asked. 
You lead him to the bathroom and instruct him to stand by the sink, that way you can easily throw the dirty gauze somewhere other than the coffee table. 
“Uhm you have to take off your shirt.” You say awkwardly, fidgeting in your med kit even though you already have the supplies you need in hand.
You see movement in your peripheral vision and you turn around, blushing a bit at the sight of him without a shirt. Of course, you’ve always known he’s handsome. When you first met him you thought he must be some kind of demigod, with his sharp jawline and pretty eyes, so seeing him now you gulp. You saw him without a shirt last night but that was while you were panicking. Now it takes a moment for your brain to stop going haywire. 
“Right uhm…” You clear your throat and the ghost of a smirk crosses his face. 
“Aren’t you going to take yours off again?” He teases and your blush deepens, burning your cheeks.
“O uhm…” You stammer over your words. 
 “I’m joking, I know it was because you needed to stop the bleeding,” he reassures you, poking you on the nose and bending down a bit to look you in the eye. “Stop blushing.” He adds when he sees how flustered you look.
“It’s not really something I can control.” You mumble and unwrap his bandages. You’re very close to him, you can feel his body heat radiating off of him and you can’t help but wonder if he has a fever.
“You’re really hot.” You say without thinking and he stares at you in surprise lifting an eyebrow at your statement before you realise what you said. “I didn’t mean…uhm you feel warm, I’m scared you may have a fever.” You stammer to try and explain yourself.
“No don’t worry I usually run warm.” He says to calm you down and you just nod, sticking a thermometer in his mouth anyway even if it just to keep him from teasing you any further. 
You can feel his eyes on you as you check his stitches. They are still intact so you can stop worrying about that at least. You disinfect the wound again before putting on the fresh dressing. 
The beeping of the thermometer comes and a moment later he’s handing it to you. 
“See no fever.” He triumphantly states and you look at the normal temperature flashing on the device. 
“Well, then I guess…” You’re cut off by his phone ringing and he immediately picks it up.
“Yeah Hyung.” He answers and you turn away to put everything back into your medkit. 
“I know I’m sorry but it was an emergency.” You frown. You don’t mean to eavesdrop but it’s kind of hard not to when he’s standing right next to you. 
“I’ll be right there,” He nods while the person on the phone continues to speak. He moves to the side to give you access to the sink and you remove the gauze from it, to throw it away. “Yeah okay bye.” He hangs up. 
“I have to go.” He states and you frown. 
“I thought you were off tonight?” You remember he said that when he joined you on the street. 
“Yeah but uhm… something came up, they need my help.” He pulls his shirt over his head again, letting a hiss through his teeth at the movement. 
“O okay.” You don’t know what you were expecting. Him to be home tonight and what? You two sitting on the couch watching a movie or something? That is absurd. Just because you’re talking doesn’t mean you’re suddenly friends. 
“Thank you for this.” He gestures to the medkit and you nod before he hastily leaves the bathroom. A few seconds later you hear the front door close, the “my pleasure” still on your tongue.
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The heart is enclosed in the pericardium, which’s main function is to protect it and prevent it from over-expanding. The pericardium is 
“Take that Jungkook!“
The pericardium is attached to the diaphragm and inner surface 
“I will end you Jimin!” 
The inner surface of the 
“Listen you little fuckers I am the king you will tremble before me.” 
Of the 
“Taehyung that’s cheating.” 
The 
“Ha, you losers I win again!” 
“The sternum!” You finally snap. You’re trying to study but you’ve been on the same paragraph for the last 20 minutes. You push your chair back from the desk, the wheels scrapping on the floor due to the speed. 
You can still hear them shouting at each other as you stomp down the hallway. 
You know they’re playing a video game. Jungkook moved his gaming system out of his room a few weeks ago because according to him the wifi is better in the living room. 
You round the corner only to find the three on the carpet. On the screen Taehyung’s name is on top of the board, the other two’s names following. Jimin is on Jungkook’s back, who is trying to strangle Taehyung. The scene may look scary but you roll your eyes. They do this all the time. 
The first time you walked out of your room to find two strangers on your couch you almost had a heart attack, but Jimin and Taehyung made a big fuss about how they finally get to meet Jungkook’s roommate. Apparently according to them Jungkook has been talking about you a lot. Jungkook obviously denied it, to his hyungs amusement.
Since then Jungkook’s friends seem to be here every day. Jimin and Taehyung could basically be living here but Hoseok sometimes drops by too. You know there are others you haven’t met yet because you picked up on the same names mentioned often. You would ask why you haven’t met them if you didn’t already have your hands full with the two currently trying to beat up your roommate. 
“Hey, guys?” Your voice makes them freeze, all three heads snapping to you. With their eyes on you now, you lose a bit of your fire. Surprisingly you’re more comfortable with them than most people, probably due to the close proximity, but sometimes when all three very handsome men look at you, you end up flustered. Unfortunately for you that seems to happen quite often seeing as you have been spending more time with Jungkook, which also means spending time with his friends.
“If you want to kill each other, do it somewhere else, please.” You roll your eyes, playing off your shyness by walking past them, feigning disinterest. 
“Sorry Y/n” Jimin laughs, getting up from the carpet, and joining you in the kitchen before Taehyung or Jungkook can even move. 
“Were you studying?” He asks, sitting on the counter and watching you make coffee for yourself. 
“Yeah, I was.” You rub your eyes until you see stars, your eyes burning from looking at your laptop for so long.
“What were you studying?” Taehyung leans next to Jimin making sure you pay attention to both of them. 
“The heart.” You don’t know why they both look at Jungkook who is leaning on the back of the couch watching you three before answering. 
“O well I can’t help you with matters of the heart.” Jimin states and you frown, you didn’t think he would be able to help you. 
“I can however help you with something else that doesn’t require the heart.” He smirks at you and your eyes widen at his suggestive sentence, you still can’t get used to Jimin’s casual flirty personality. 
“Hyung.” Jungkook’s voice is deep and the way he says it sounds like a warning. 
“I’m only joking Kookie,” Jimin and Taehyung smirk at the younger boy and Jungkook glares at them before rolling his eyes.
You look away from whatever is happening there and instead look at the now dubbed sticky note wall. 
It started with Jungkook’s thank you note and evolved from there. Now, whenever you leave, you leave the other a note, usually including a ridiculous reminder like don’t die, watch out for cannibals, don’t step into fairy rings. Stupid stuff like that. You both get teased by Jimin and Taehyung about it, but neither of you have stopped. Maybe the smile that adorns your lips every time you find a note stuck to the door or a coffee cup, if it’s in the morning, makes you ignore the teasing. In your defence, Jungkook doesn’t seem deterred by it either.
“Well, I’m going back to studying, try and keep it down okay.” You declare to the three, who were unbeknownst to you having a whole non-verbal conversation. You take your coffee cup and walk back down the hallway. 
“Y/n” You backtrack at your name being called. 
“Yes, Jungkook.” You wait for him to say something, staring at him, and he just stares back at you for a moment before looking away and clearing his throat.
“Uhm…” He looks to his hyungs standing in the kitchen observing him. “Enjoy your studying.” He looks like he wants to kick himself, but you do not have time to dwell on it now. 
“Thanks?” You tilt your head in confusion, getting a nod in return and walking to your room to finally finish the stupid heart, having to ignore the way yours is pounding from Jungkook’s eyes on you. 
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“That test was so easy. If anyone does badly they really shouldn’t be studying medicine.” Becky boasts walking next to you. 
You wish she would disappear and go bother someone else but she clearly can’t take a hint. The test she is referring to was actually hard for you and now her words are starting to make you feel worse than you did when you were struggling through it. You shrink into yourself chewing on your lip. 
She’s the type of person who does well in everything and likes gloating about it. She somehow decided that you were her friend and now you have to suffer through her long rants about how perfect she is and how everyone else isn’t, including you. 
“O my god.” She suddenly interrupts herself and you look up wanting to see what caused it. “Who is he?” she asks and you frown in confusion following her gaze only to land on Jungkook. 
He’s leaning on the wall next to the gate of the university talking on his phone. He’s dressed in all black as usual and his hair is falling into his face a bit. You understand why she reacted the way she did because he looks extremely hot, and not in the having-a-fever kind of way. 
“He looks like he was sculpted by the gods wow.” Becky continues gushing. “Do you think I should ask for his number?” 
“No.” The word escapes your mouth before you can stop it. For some reason, the thought of her asking out your roommate and him agreeing irks you a lot more than you thought it would. You’re sure it’s just because it’s Becky but the more you think about it the more it bothers you. 
Becky however didn’t seem to hear you or maybe she is just ignoring you. 
“I think I should.” She continues and you can feel yourself getting angry. “See he’s walking this way.” She sounds giddy about it, sure that he must have noticed her.
Jungkook, who hung up his call when he noticed you, is walking towards you two his smile fading when he sees the look on your face.
“Hi?” He phrases it like a question not sure why you’re looking like you want to murder someone. 
“H…” You respond before getting cut off.
“Hey, my name is Becky.” She flips her hair over her shoulder and smiles at him.
“Yeah, uhm… hi.” He frowns and her smile falters.  “I came to walk you home since it’s almost dark.” He explains himself to you turning away from the now seething girl. 
“O, thank you.” You smile, feeling a little smug when you see the shocked expression on Becky’s face. He’s just about to reply when Becky worms her way in between you two again.
“O do you know her?” Her voice is high and she giggles, you roll your eyes. “We’re like best friends, I’m sure she must have mentioned me.” 
“Not really.” Jungkook raises an eyebrow at her and for the first time, you see him getting irritated. His eyes go narrow and he sucks in his cheeks a bit staring at her. She shrinks under the stare. 
You’ve never understood why Jimin and Tae said that people are intimidated by Jungkook but now you do. You feel bad for Becky because you know under that stare you would be running for the hills. So you step in.
“Becky I’ll see you on Monday okay.” You step around her and take Jungkook by the arm pulling him away, leaving Becky speechless probably for the first time in her life. 
You walk fast to get away from the awkward situation. 
“Sorry about her, she’s just uhm…” You try to make an excuse for her, not really sure why you are trying to do so. 
“Spoilt?” Jungkook offers and you laugh and nod.
“Basically yeah.” That’s definitely one way to describe her.
 “Thank you for coming to pick me up.” You steer the conversation away from talking about her. 
“No problem, I didn’t want you walking in the dark.” His calm and smiley demeanor is back and you breath a sigh of relief.
You walk beside him in silence for a moment. You just can’t seem to shake Becky’s words, she makes you feel so inadequate most of the time. 
“So how was the test?” He asks pushing you to the side so that he can walk closest to the road. 
You groan and he looks at you, worried. 
“It was awful and she said it was so easy, you know which just makes me think well, that I’m not good enough.” You don’t know why you’re pouring your heart out but right now you just need someone to listen and recently that someone has become Jungkook.
“Wow wait.” Jungkook stops walking causing you to do the same. He places his hands on your shoulders forcing you to face him. “Y/n, you saved my life, stayed calm and stitched me up, not to mention all the times you’ve had to treat me since.” He’s right, he’s probably the clumsiest person you’ve ever met. Always coming home with bruises or cuts. 
“I’m sure she’s never done that.” He continues, pushing your head up to look at him with a finger underneath your chin. “You are going to be a great doctor.” His face is serious but he gives you a light smile when you nod.
“Thank you Jungkook.” You smile at him, feeling better after the pep talk. 
“What are friends for right.” He smiles again, using his one hand still on your shoulder to take your bag off of it. He flings it over his shoulder instead and starts walking again, and you follow. 
It’s the first time you’ve heard him actually say that you two are friends, it makes you glad to know he feels as close to you as you do to him. The space that was there for the first six months of him living with you is now completely gone, erased by the weeks you’ve been spending time together. 
“Does she do that often?” He wonders out loud and you know what he’s referring to.
“Yeah sometimes.” You admit looking to the side ashamed to admit how you let her get to you. 
“Do you want me to kill her?” He says it with such a serious tone that you laugh at him. 
“No, I think I’ll do it if it gets too much.” You joke and after a moment he laughs. 
“And how would you dispose of her body hm?” He keeps the joke going and you pretend to think, placing your finger to your chin and tilting your head up. 
“I’ll get you to do it for me.” You declare pointing to him. He laughs shaking his head. 
“No, your kill, your responsibility.” He says and you pout. 
“That’s not fair.” The running joke of you finding a way to hide a body has been going on since the night of him almost bleeding out. You’ve been bringing up ways randomly but he shoots them down every time. 
“How about a woodchipper?” You ask, already expecting his head to shake. 
“Wouldn’t work, you know how strong a human body is, it’ll only cause a mess, and leave too much evidence.” He explains and you groan. 
“How do you know all this?” You ask, glaring at him in feigned suspicion. 
“Call it an educated guess.” He smiles and nudges you only to pull you out of the way of a pole a second later because you were still staring at him. 
“I think you spend too much time thinking about this.” You huff, crossing your arms across your chest. 
“Like you don’t.” He retorts and you gasp.
“Only because of you.” You exclaim, throwing your hands up.
“Besides,” he continues, “It’s fun to see your reaction when you're wrong, you don’t like being wrong.” he elaborates.
You pout again. “Does anyone?” You glare at him but he laughs at you. 
“I guess not no.” He relents and you smile. 
You look at him waiting for him to say something. You marvel in the way the last rays of sunshine bounces off his dark hair, painting his facial features in a soft glow.
He looks at you suddenly, you gasp and look away embarrassed at being caught staring at him. He chuckles and you cringe, looking down as you walk.
“Y/n?” He asks and you look at him only to find him not next to you but behind you standing still. “Where are you going?” he chuckles and you blush when you realise you just walked past your apartment building too busy chastising yourself for staring at him.
“O right.” you chuckle, trying to hide your blush from him. 
He opens the building door for you and you enter. 
“I was thinking we could watch…” You trail off when you realise he isn’t following you in.
“You’re not coming up?” You guess and he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.
“I have to go, sorry.” He apologises but you nod taking your bag from him. 
He always has to leave, you’d think you’d be used to it by now but you always find yourself feeling disappointed because you can’t spend more time together. It’s a new feeling for you, being upset because you can’t spend time with someone. Usually, you’re upset when you have to. 
“Okay, be safe.” You say sheepishly. 
“Thanks, we can watch whatever you were going to say next time okay?” You nod and he walks off.
You stand there a minute looking at his retreating back before you turn to the elevator. 
The elevator takes forever and when it finally does arrive you are horrified at what you find inside. 
A stranger. 
Shyly you walk in. 
“What floor?” The man asks and you press your floor button instead of answering. 
“Hi, I’m Damion.” You sigh, he’s the type to talk in elevators then. 
“I’m Y/n.” You mumble, but he caught it. 
“Hello Y/n, I’m new to the building, maybe you can show me around some time?” He says and his straightforwardness catches you off guard. 
“O uhm…” You rack your brain for an excuse, wishing for the elevator to speed up. “I would but I’m very busy maybe you should ask someone else.” 
“It’s alright I’ll wait for when you have time, Y/n.” He says confidently. You know he is just being persistent but for some reason the way he says your name gives you a bad feeling. 
You’re saved from answering by the doors opening on your floor. 
“Goodnight.” You say and try to rush out of the elevator away from him, but he grabs your arm stopping you. Your eyes grow wide and you look down at the hand encasing your wrist.
“See you around.” He says and lets you go, with a smile. 
You immediately run out and only let out a sigh of relief when you lock your apartment door behind you. You shudder when you remember his gaze on you but it’s quickly pushed from your mind when your eyes land on the sticky note stuck to the door. 
“Enjoy your evening, try not to get kidnapped by elves.” You laugh and stick it to the sticky note wall. 
By the time you get into bed, the only memories playing in your head are of Jungkook’s face as he laughs. Your creepy neighbour is pushed from your mind. 
.
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Your back is killing you. You woke up seconds ago and found yourself not on your comfy bed but rather on your desk chair. You feel something sticking to your face and you wipe at it lazy. One of your pages of notes floats down onto the desk and you sigh. You haven’t slept more than five hours in the past three days and you can feel your head pounding from the lack of sleep. The past few weeks have been a blur of tests and classes so you haven’t had a day off. You look at your phone to find a few missed calls from your mom. You’ll have to call her back later after you’ve had coffee.
You slowly get up, stumbling a bit and having to support yourself on the wall. That’s how you walk to the kitchen leaning on the wall the entire time. You miss the three heads that turn to you, too focused on trying to keep yourself upright. 
“Morning.” Jungkook’s voice breaks through the muddled thoughts in your brain. You groan in response, leaning against the counter to try and catch your breath. Was the walk to the kitchen always this tiring?
“Are you making coffee? ” Taehyung asks getting up from his spot on the couch, eager for a cup of his own. 
“Yeah just give me a second.” You reply working up the courage to walk to the coffee maker a few steps away. You feel very dizzy. 
“Hey, are you okay?” Taehyung asks, stepping closer to get a look at your very pale face. 
“I’m fine.” No, you’re not but non the less you still have some studying to do and you have class in an hour. So you push away from the counter but as soon as you do you stumble and everything goes a bit hazy for a second. 
“Wow okay.” Taehyung rights you with a very worried look on his face, the other two have stopped their game and are now staring at you in worry. 
Jungkook jumps over the back of the couch and makes his way to you, replacing Tae’s arm around you. He is frowning at you and places his hand on your forehead. 
“Holly shit Y/n you have a fever.” He exclaims, but you groan at the information. 
“No I can’t have a fever,” You push away from him but immediately almost fall over, being caught again by Jungkook. 
“Y/n I think you’re sick,” Jungkook says softly and you shake your head.
“I can’t be sick,” You feel like crying, “I have a class to get to.” You’re in denial, you know you’re sick but being sick right now is a big inconvenience. Becky has been boasting about how much she is studying and how prepared she is for the tests, you’ve been trying to keep up.
“Hey come on,” Taehyung says. “ Jungkook why don’t you help her sit down and I’ll make her some tea.” You still shake your head but gasp in surprise when you’re lifted off the floor by Jungkook. He carries you bridal style to the couch and gently puts you down where Jimin has made room for you. 
“I can’t guys I have to go to class.” You protest making to get up again but you’re held down by Jungkook’s hands. 
“Y/n your sick, you’re not going to class.” Jungkook orders. Why is his doctor’s voice better than yours? 
“I’m fine okay, let me go.” You remove his hands from your shoulder. 
“Clearly.” Jimin pipes up and you glare at him. “All I’m saying is, that if you go to class you’ll probably pass out along the way, and what then?” 
“Then Jungkook will have to put his body hiding skills to work.” You state. The other two frown in confusion at Jungkook but he just shakes his head. 
“I can’t do that, it’ll be too noticeable if I’m seen carrying you off of the street,” He smiles at you, leans in and tilts his head to the side a bit, “Too risky you know?” He whispers, and you look up at him, he’s frowning slightly at you in worry. You’ve gotten closer to Jungkook than you would have ever thought possible. He’s become a constant in your life like you never thought you’d experience and definitely not with your once elusive roommate. He’s the one you run to after a bad day and he always listens intently to your rants 
“Besides what is going to happen if you miss one class?” Taehyung asks, making you tear your gaze away from Jungkook as Tae hands you a cup of tea that you wrinkle your nose at.
“I don’t know I’ve never missed a class.” You say frowning at the shocked expression on their faces. 
“You’ve never missed a class?” Jimin asks in disbelief and you nod. 
“Wow, just wow.” Taehyung shakes his head. 
“Then I feel like this is a good excuse to miss one,” Jungkook states and pushes the cup of tea closer to your face, prompting you to drink but you grimace and shake your head. 
“I have to go Jungkook.” You fight back. “I won’t be able to stand her if I miss a class and get a bad mark.”
“Who?” Taehyung frowns but Jungkook nods already knowing who you’re talking about.
“Is that why you’ve been overworking yourself?” He asks in concern and you nod your head slowly, looking away from him. 
“Y/n,” Jungkook kneels in front of you so you're at eye level. “ You can’t let her get to you, you know she’s just trying to tear you down.” 
“I know but still…” You trail off unsure how to voice your thoughts. 
“Tell you what if you promise to stay home and rest,” Jungkook empathizes the last word, “ Then I’ll help you study okay?” 
“We’ll help you study.” Jimin corrects him, already disliking whoever it is that is making you feel inferior.
“Sounds like a bad bargain.” You reply and cross your arms, but you know there is no getting out of it. 
You know Jungkook well enough by now to know that when he puts his mind to something there is no turning back. You once saw him try to fit a whole orange in his mouth because Hobi dared him to. And if you’re honest with yourself even though you know that they won’t be able to help you study the fact that they offered to makes you feel all warm inside.
They all hold their breath ready to fight more but you sigh, leaning back onto the couch. 
“Fine.” Is all you say and they relax. 
“Keep an eye on her in case she makes a run for it.” Jungkook jokes poking your nose, before getting up. 
“Yeah like she’ll be able to run in her condition,” Taehyung replies sitting down on the couch next to you.
You look around the room. Your apartment has become if you had to describe it, lively. Before the “shared” space in the apartment was clean and cold but since you and Jungkook have become closer the space shows that two people live here. Your textbooks and cups are on the coffee table where you were making notes while he played games, and two of his hoodies are thrown into the blanket basket because he was too lazy to put them away. The blanket that Jimin throws over your shoulders also belongs to Jungkook. It’s a thick fluffy blanket that you’ve been stealing from his room to lay on the couch with since you found out it existed. After a while, he just stopped taking it back to his room. 
“Here you go.” Jungkook kneels in front of you with freshly made coffee, that you eagerly exchange the cup of tea for. He chuckles and place the cup of tea on the coffee table. You wonder how he knew to make you coffee. 
“Thank you.” You clutch onto the warm cup and sink further into the couch. Jungkook sits down beside you and Taehyung takes a spot on the floor picking up the controllers they abandoned, and handing it back to them.  
They continue playing their game, on a much lower volume, while you slowly drink your coffee. It’s black coffee. You used to drink it with milk and sugar but every time Jungkook made you coffee he made it black. At first, you didn’t want to say anything feeling too awkward but now you actually prefer it the way he makes it.
You never thought you would be this comfortable with people around in your apartment but their presence is soothing. You guess you’ve never realised how lonely you were before, now you recognise when they’re not here and especially at night when Jungkook is gone you can feel his absence. You still don’t like being around people but maybe the man sitting next to you checking every few minutes if you’re okay, putting his hand on your forehead to check your fever, is the exception. 
The warm drink and background noise of the game and their voices are lulling you to sleep. You feel one of them remove the coffee cup from your hand as you fall to the side, onto Jungkook, your tired body finally finding the time to rest, and recover.
You wake up a few hours later. Your head feels foggy, your entire body hurts and you feel all hot and cold at the same time. You hear a voice coming from somewhere but they’re not talking to you so you keep your eyes closed and try to make out what is being said. 
Jungkook is speaking in a hushed voice probably to try and not wake you. “I know hyung but I can’t just leave her.” You frown, is he talking about you? 
“Jimin and Tae said they’ll take over for me today.” You can hear him pacing while he hums in acknowledgement at whatever the other person is saying.  “Thank you hyung, will you ask Jin-hyung about the food?” You are getting very hot now, it’s like a hot tingle traveling through your body and you kick the blanket off you, sighing at the rush op cold air that envelops you. 
“Hey,” Jungkook’s voice is right beside you, “you awake?” You must have not heard him hang up the call.  
You slowly open your eyes, and you're met with his worried face. His hair is disheveled as if he has been tugging at it and in your fever hazed mind you reach out a hand to flatten it. He doesn’t acknowledge it and instead puts his hand on your forehead. 
“You’re still very hot.” He frowns and bites his lip in worry but you laugh. 
“Good to know I still got it.” You joke, but the words hurt your dry throat. 
He picks up a glass of water on the coffee table that he must have put there earlier and hands it to you. “You have to drink all of this okay?” He gives you a stern look. 
“Okay doctor.” You sass but take the glass anyway and start sipping. As soon as the water touches your lips however you can’t stop drinking, realising how thirsty you actually are, you gulp down the whole glass. 
Jungkook stares at you in surprise. “Wow do you want some more?” 
“No thank you, I think I’ll be okay.” You smile and readjust yourself to sit up. 
Jungkook sticks his hand out stopping you. “Wait I don’t think you should get up just yet.” 
You shake his hand off. “I’m fine Jungkook.” You roll your eyes at him and sit up. “see I’m completely fine I can even,” You stand up, but as soon as you’re up you see stars, your vision goes black and you fall into Jungkook’s arms. 
“Maybe you shouldn’t do that yeah?” He laughs and you hit him playfully in the chest. “Don’t laugh.” 
“How can I not when you’re being so stubborn.” He puts you back onto the couch and you pout.
“Don’t pout.” He smiles but you only pout more causing him to laugh. “You’re cute when you’re  sick,” he teases and you look away from him crossing your arms. 
“I’m not that sick.” You retort but you know you’re lying. Your head is pounding and everything hurts. 
“Well in that case I’ll just return all this medicine that I got,” you nod and he gets up walking away but then he turns back, “ and I guess all the chocolates too.” 
You swing around to look at him. He’s already smirking at you, getting the reaction he clearly wanted from you. 
“You got chocolate?” You glare at him in suspicion. 
“Yes and you can have some,” You smile wide but he holds up a finger, “after you eat some food.” 
“Chocolate is food.” You retrot. Even though the thought of chocolate is alluring, the thought of food makes you feel nauseous. 
Jungkook shakes his head crossing his arms over his chest, but just as he wants to reply there is a knock at the door. 
You frown in confusion but Jungkook opens it with a smile. 
“Hyung you're here faster than I expected.” Jungkook says to whoever is at the door and you lean over to see, expecting Jimin or Taehyung but the man that is standing in the doorway makes you gasp. He is so handsome it almost hurts.  “I was already on the way when Namjoon called you.”
“This must be Y/n?” The stranger says noticing you before smiling. You openly stare at him and Jungkook clears his throat raising his eyebrows at you. You start at being caught and a blush rises in your face. 
“Yes this is Y/n.” Jungkook says amused at your reaction. “Y/n this is Jin, he’s my oldest Hyung.” 
You nod, “hi,” you cringe. You sound so stupid. 
“Well here is the food Kookie.” Jin hands Jungkook a bag, “I need to get going, but it was nice meeting you Y/n.” He waves and you wave back awkwardly. He laughs and ruffles Jungkook’s hair before walking away.  
“So that was Jin.” Jungkook smiles taking the food to the counter. 
“He’s uhm very…”
“Handsome?” Jungkook offers and you groan. 
“I didn’t mean to stare I promise.” You bite your lip but Jungkook laughs.
“It’s okay everyone has the same reaction, I promise he’s more flattered than anything else.” He chuckles and you cringe. 
You really need to get a grip on yourself but you just don’t understand why all these handsome men are suddenly popping up in your life. It’s like someone is playing a stupid joke on you. 
“Here you go.” Jungkook hands you a bowl of food that you wrinkle your nose at. “You have to eat.” Jungkook press but you shake your head. 
“I really don’t want to.” You pout and he sighs. 
He bites his lip. “Just a few bites.” You don’t budge. 
“Please?” He pouts and holds up a spoon full of rice. You frown before rolling your eyes and taking a deliberate bite. 
He smiles in victory. You have no idea why you gave in to him. You would blame it on your fever but you’re pretty sure you would have given in even if you weren’t as sick as you are. You take another bite that he holds for you.
“I can eat by myself you know.” You say after you swallow.
He chuckles. “I’m not taking a chance.” He lifts up another spoon full and you look him in the eye as you let him feed you. 
He gets happier after every bite until finally you hold up your hand. 
“I can’t eat anymore,” and he nods understanding, putting the bowl down on the table. You pull your knees closer to you and wrap the blanket around yourself getting cold again. 
“How do you feel?” Jungkook asks putting his hand on your forehead. “You’re still very warm, if your fever hasn’t broke in a few hours I’m gonna take you to the hospital okay?” 
You nod, feeling yourself falling asleep again. “Okay.” You lay down on your side. “Will you stay?” 
Jungkook smiles softly and nods, “Yeah of course.” He strokes some hair form your face. “I’ll stay.” 
You hum contently and fall into unconsciousness. 
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A ruckus in the kitchen wakes you up. You immediately shoot upright in bed, your body on high alert. You listen again but it’s quiet now. You pick up your phone looking at the time. It’s just past three in the morning, you should still be alone.
You debate calling Jungkook for a second but push the thought aside, you’d only feel stupid doing it,  besides you don’t want to disturb him. He went out with his friends for the night, it’s the weekend after all so he is off work but he told you he’d be crashing at Jimin’s place. So instead you get out of bed and tiptoe to your door. You press your ear to it trying to listen for any movement but there is nothing. 
You chew on your lip and decide to investigate. If this was a horror movie the whole audience would be yelling at you now. 
You creep down the hallway and peek around the corner to look at the kitchen. The lights are on and you see Jungkook digging around in the fridge. You laugh at yourself for being paranoid. 
The sound startles Jungkook and he spins around to face you. His face relaxes when he sees you and it morphs into a lopsided grin. 
“Hey, did I wake you? Sorry.” He pouts and your eyes widen in surprise at him but you just shake your head walking to the kitchen island.
“What are you doing back?” You ask leaning over the counter to see what he was doing. “I thought you were sleeping at Jimin’s?” 
“No, I wanted to come home because…” He is cut off by a hiccup. You look at him, he is leaning a bit to one side as if he is off balance and his eyes look glassy. 
“Jungkook are you drunk?” You giggle when he shakes his head profusely, the movement causing him to grimace and fall a bit to one side, only to catch himself in time. 
“No, I am not.” His words are a bit slurred and you laugh again. 
“Then why are you rummaging through our fridge at three in the morning?” You ask lifting an eyebrow. 
He opens his mouth as if to say something but he closes it again with a frown, unable to come up with an excuse.
“I wanted ramyun.” He says after an embarrassingly long time, through which you were giggling.
“Well, you’re not going to find it in the fridge.” You state and watch in amusement when he frowns and points to the cupboard, looking at you for approval. 
“Sit down I’ll make you some.” You chuckle and move to the cupboard getting out the packet.
“Thank you.” He drawls out and sits down on the bar stool.
“I just don’t want to have to treat burn wounds tonight.” You explain and smile at him, which he returns with a grin. 
You boil the water and look behind you to find him spinning on the stool. He stops when he feels you looking at him and he grins lopsidedly.
“I missed you.” He says and you frown. “I didn’t see you at all this week.” He pouts and you giggle at the expression. He looks so cute. 
He’s right this week you’ve been missing each other the entire time. You had another group assignment and had to work in the library with them the entire day. When you finally got home he was already gone. His words do surprise you but you brush it off as nothing more than drunk rambling. 
“I missed you too.” You say and he gasps in surprise. 
“You did?” He sounds like a child that was just told something unbelievable, and it makes you laugh.
“Yeah, we’re friends right?” That word has been starting to leave a bitter taste in your mouth recently, and you have an idea why, but you keep pushing it down. There is no reason to be thinking like that part of you wants to think. “Friends miss friends.” You finish, turning back to the food you’re making. 
“You’re right, I miss my hyungs when I don’t see them for a long time.” He rambles on behind you. “I think it’s because we all used to live together, but now I live here of course with you, right?” He sounds unsure and you chuckle. 
“Yes, you do.” You confirm it for him.
“Okay great.” He sounds pleased about it. 
He babbles on about stupid things while you cook, telling you about his night. He mentions a few girls that came up to him and you prickle a bit every time but he always rambles on not mentioning them again. 
Finally, you turn around and hand him the bowl of food that he takes with a smile. You lean on the other side of the counter watching him eat. 
“This is amazing,” he exclaims in between bites. “If this doctor thing doesn’t work out, you should become a chef.”
“You only say that because you’re drunk.” You explain with a laugh but he shakes his head, cheeks full of food. 
The conversation dies down while he eats. You move around cleaning up and filling up a bottle with water for him to drink. You place it down beside his now-empty bowl.
“You have to drink all of this now okay?” You say in your doctor's voice and he groans.
“All of it?” He says in disbelief and you smile.
“Yes or else you’ll have a nasty hangover tomorrow.” He nods and picks up the bottle, you laugh at his dramatic show of drinking the whole thing.
“I like it when I make you laugh,” he says when he’s finished and you blush. He stares at you.
“I like it when you blush too.” He adds and you blush even more. 
“I blush too easily when I’m with you.” You admit and he gets up to put the water bottle in the sink. He comes back without a word and stands next to you. 
“Here.” He places his cold hands on your cheeks. “To cool them down.” He smiles and you gasp at the contact. 
Another thing you’ve come to notice since becoming friends with him, other than that you felt lonely before is just how  incredibly touch-starved you are. He is so casual with his touches, always hugging you or sitting close to you and you realised how much you’ve been missing human contact. You can admit to yourself the fact that it is coming from him does also impact the effect it has. 
“There see all better.” He removes his hands and you cringe at how quickly you miss the contact. 
He is standing very close to you, your chests almost touching and the realisation makes you blush again. 
“O no, Y/n.” He moans and places his hands back onto your cheeks, stepping even closer. “You’re ruining my handy work.” He whispers. 
You stare at him. He is so beautiful and you’ve never been so close to him before. His eyes are shining and his lips are pink and look so soft. You pull your eyes away from his lips only to find him staring at yours. 
You bite your lip at the attention and he frowns moving his finger down to pull your bottom lip out from under your teeth. 
“You shouldn’t do that.” His voice sounds huskier now and it makes your heart race. 
“Why not?” You ask him softly.
“Because it makes me want to do this.” He says before leaning in slowly. 
You stop breathing, your heart racing and you close your eyes in anticipation of his lips falling onto yours. 
Just when you can feel his breath breezing over your lips, a door slams shut somewhere, breaking you out of the trance you were in. 
You back away from Jungkook. You were just about to kiss him! You were about to kiss him and he is drunk! You chastise yourself, missing the hurt that crosses his face. 
“I uhm… I think I should go back to bed.” You stammer out and rush out of the kitchen to your room. 
You close the door behind you and sink to the floor with your back to it. You can’t believe you were about to take advantage of his drunkenness and why? Because you have a bit of a crush on him? It’s disgusting. You rake your fingers through your hair and focus on calming your racing heart. The blush is burning through your cheeks and you place your own hands-on them to cool it down. 
You can only hope he won’t remember tonight.
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“And that is the last time I’m asking your dad to make Lasagna.” You laugh and take a sip of your coffee. The café is buzzing with activity and your mom just finished filling you in on the antics your family have been up to since you last saw them. 
Your mom came to the city for work but her last meeting was canceled so you had time to get coffee with her. You watch her add more sugar to her coffee and laugh. She’s always had a sweet tooth. You got yours from her. 
“Do you want some?” She holds out the sugar pot to you after seeing you eye her coffee, but you shake your head. 
“No thanks, I drink my coffee black now.” You watch her surprised face and giggle. 
“Who are you and what have you done to my daughter?” She clutches her hand to her chest and you shake your head at her dramatics, smiling widely. 
You’ve really missed her. You’ve always been close to your family, even if they drive you crazy. Even your little sister, who couldn’t be more different from you, always on the sports field, but despite your differences you’ve always loved her terribly. 
“I just like it like this now.” You explain and she narrows her eyes at you in suspicion but eventually shrugs.
“How have you been honey?” she asks leaning forward with a caring look on her face. 
“I’m doing good,” you smile and when your mom doesn’t seem convinced you place your hand on hers. “I really am mom.”
“Are you sure? You look like there is something bothering you, not to mention you look like you haven’t slept in a month.” Her voice becomes stern at the last part and you roll your eyes.
“You sound like Jungkook.” The words just slip out and her eyes widen in surprise.
“Your roommate?” She asks and you nod your head.
“He’s always telling me I should sleep more.” Your mom nods.
“Well maybe you should listen to him he sounds like an intelligent young man.” She muses and you smile but at the thought of your roommate, your mood drops slightly.
After you almost kissed him a week ago there has been a small shift. Mostly things are the same but it’s like something is off. When you’re with his friends he’s his normal self but as soon as you are alone it’s like he becomes tense and soon finds an excuse to leave the room. He doesn’t seem to remember that night but you’re not so sure, why else would he behave like he is? Maybe he regrets almost kissing you and he is just pretending to not remember anything. You guess you should be glad he hasn’t brought up that night, it is what you hoped for after all. But it has left you more confused than anything else, why would he try to kiss you and then just not say anything after that?
“Earth to Y/n.” Your mom waves her hand in front of your face to get your attention. 
“Sorry, mom, what were you saying?” You apologise. Pushing the thoughts bothering you away. You should be enjoying your time with your mom, not worrying about your relationship with Jungkook, whatever that may be.
“I was asking if Lilly told you she got first line for field hockey?” She surveys you worried while she repeats herself. 
“O no she didn’t,” You smile trying to show your mom you’re okay. “You have to tell her I said I’m very proud of her.” 
“I’ll tell her.” Your mom smiles. “She is very excited, she said she’s going to ask you to come to some of her games, you should try to come.” 
“I will I promise.” You know it will be hard but for her, you will make a plan, maybe you can even invite Jungkook and his friends, she would love that. But as soon as the thought crosses your mind you dismiss it, you doubt Jungkook would want to come to anything with you right now. 
The rest of the time you and your mom just talk about your studies and plans for after next year when you graduate and have to start your internship. You bask in the conversation until your mom’s phone rings, signally she has to head out. 
“I love you, honey.” She hugs you tightly, “Make sure you eat well and try to get more sleep okay?” 
“I promise mom.” You giggle in your mom’s embrace. She pulls away holding you at arm's length.
“We are so very proud of you, your dad loves boasting about you on a daily basis.” You both laugh. Your dad has always been the type to tell everyone about every small accomplishment that his daughters achieve. 
“Thank you mom.” she pulls you into another hug just as her taxi stops outside. “Mom you have to go.” You giggle her hold not lessening on you. 
“Just another second, I miss you.” She says and you hug her tighter.
“I miss you too mom.” She finally pulls away and with one last kiss on your cheek she gets into her taxi, waving at you as it drives off. 
You sigh and sniff back the tears that threaten to fall. You shake your head and walk home. 
You can already hear the sound of the movie from outside the door when you get home. You open the door to see Jimin and Taehyung spread out on the couch. Their heads turn to the door when you come in and they smile. 
“Hey, Y/n.” They say in sync, you smile back, removing your boots.
“Hey guys, what are you watching?” You query closing the door. 
“Some movie Taehyung chose.” Jimin sounds bored and Taehyung pouts.
“You told me I have to choose.” Taehyung defends himself. 
“I expected you to choose something good,” Jimin says and is met with a pillow to the face in response. 
You move to the kitchen filling up a glass of water. 
“Where is Jungkook?” You ask when you notice that there isn’t a third person in front of the TV.
“O he went out,” Tae says not looking away from the TV. 
“O” You feel disappointed before something dawns on you. “Wait if he isn’t here how did you get in?” You narrow your eyes in suspicion.
“O well…” Jimin and Tae look at each other. 
“He let us in before he left,” Jimin says after a moment and you nod at the explanation. 
“Do you want to join us?” Tae asks turning around on the couch to see you. 
“No thanks guys, I have to study.” You shake your head and they groan. 
“You always have to study. Come and hang out with us.” Jimin pleads and you have to giggle at his pout. You think about it for a moment, you don’t really want to study anyway. 
“Fine.” You give in and they both smile making space for you on the couch in between them. 
You walk over and sit down in the space. You lean back and make yourself comfortable. 
“Here you can choose a new movie.” Jimin declares stealing the remote from Tae. 
“Hey!” Tae exclaims before clearing his throat. “I mean sure Y/n you can choose a new movie.” He relents and you laugh but don’t take the remote from Jimin’s outstretched hand.
“I’m okay, making choices right now is only going to melt my brain.” You confess and Jimin nods. 
“Okay, I’ll pick.” He says, exiting the movie and starts scrolling for a new one. 
“So don’t you want to know where Jungkook is?” Jimin asks, a mischievous look in his eyes as he looks at you. 
“Jimin.” Taehyung’s voice is stern but Jimin ignores him turning in his seat to face you. 
“So do you want to know?” He asks again and you stare at him. 
“Uhm… okay?” You look between Taehyung and Jimin, unsure about what’s going on. 
“He’s on a date.” Jimin gossips surveying your face for a reaction and you stare at him in surprise. 
“O…” You have to control your face to not show the disappointment that floods through you. “That’s good for him.” You say. 
Jimin and Taehyung exchange a look.
“Does it bother you?” Taehyung asks and you look at him.
“Of course not why would it?” You ask surprised, your voice a little to high and Taehyung smirks.
“Just asking.” He turns back in his seat as Jimin’s movie choice starts playing. 
You sink deeper into the couch and try to focus on the movie playing but your mind keeps going back to the information you just heard. 
He’s on a date. It shouldn’t bother you, you’re friends you should be happy for him but you’re not. It hurts. If he’s on a date it means any feelings you deluded yourself into thinking he has for you aren’t real. You keep thinking about it throughout the movie and soon it morphs into anger. How dare he almost kiss you, not talk to you about it, borderline avoid you and then go on a date with someone else. The anger builds and by the time Jimin and Taehyung leave you are ready to scream. 
You go to your room and try to cool down by focusing on studying, but you can’t. Every time your head goes back to imagining him with someone else and it makes you angry all over again. You finally give up on studying and just when you turn off your laptop you hear the front door open. You sit still for a minute weighing your options. 
You can finally confront him about this and demand to know what is going on, why he tried to kiss you and smooth things over and go back to being friends. Or you can take the easy route out and just ignore him and things can back to how they were in the beginning. You frown, you know you don’t want that. You don’t think you’d be able to handle it if you never speak again, so instead, you get up. 
He’s in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal when you enter. He stops with the spoon halfway to his mouth when he spots you. 
“Hi.” He says and uncomfortably looks around.
“Hi,” you say back, walking into the kitchen. His eyes follow you as you walk, chewing slowly.
“Well, I’m gonna uhm…” He trails off clearly looking for an excuse to leave but you interrupt him.
“Jungkook can we talk.” You ask and he looks at you in surprise. 
“Uhm, sure.” He puts the bowl done. “About what?” He isn’t looking at you. 
You mentally prepare yourself for what you’re about to say. You hate confrontation but you know you need to do this. 
“About what happened when you were drunk.” You start and he looks at you.
“What do you mean?” He sounds confused but you know him well enough now to know when he is faking. “I can’t remember anything from that night.” 
“Are you sure?” You ask, crossing your arms. “Because you say that but you’ve been borderline avoiding me for the past few weeks and I need to know why.” 
“O well..” He rubs the back of his neck.
“I think you remember and I get if you regret almost kissing me, but you could have at least told me.” You continue not giving him time to try and explain himself. “Then I hear you went on a date, and I mean I get it you can do what you want, but you could at least have talked to me and set things straight and said you were just drunk and not just leave me confused as fuck.” You’re getting angry again and he stares at you in surprise. 
“Wait a date?” Is that really all he got from that? You narrow your eyes at him, why is he playing stupid. 
“Who said I went on a date?” He asks confused and you roll your eyes.
“Jimin told me.” You answer him, getting irritated now.
“Fucking Jimin,” he mumbles before looking at you. “Y/n I didn’t go on a date.” 
“What?” You frown in confusion, caught off guard. 
“Yeah, Jimin,” He moves closer so that he’s in front of you. “He must have told you to get you to confront me because he knows how I feel about you.” 
Your mind reels, and you uncross your arms in surprise. “Wait what do you mean how you feel about me?”
He groans. 
“This wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” He says, running his hands through his hair. “I was supposed to come to you like we practiced.” He says without thinking and you frown.
“Practiced?” You’re so confused. 
“I also wasn’t supposed to say that.” He blushes, and sighs. “I practiced with them how to do this but I guess that isn’t going to happen.” He bites his lip. 
“Jungkook what are you talking about.” You don’t understand what is going on. 
He sighs again. 
“Y/n I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you but I didn’t know how to say this, and after you pulled away that night I thought you didn’t feel the same and honestly I was scared of being rejected, I know I was being stupid, I’m sorry if it hurt your feelings.” He steps forward, explaining. 
“I just like you a lot, I mean since I got to know you, you’ve been on my mind the entire time, and I thought being friends would be enough but then I got drunk and came home and you were here, I knew I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you but I just couldn’t stop myself you were right there and I couldn’t muster up the courage to do it sober, and then you pulled away and I felt awful for putting you in that situation and…” He rambles and you cut him off.
“Wow Jungkook, calm down.” You don’t even have time to process what he’s saying. 
“How can I calm down?” He says, his face red from blushing and working himself up. “Fuck Y/n I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long.”
His words finally start to sink in and you can feel yourself getting hopeful but you have to make sure what he’s saying.
“Jungkook are you saying you like me?” You ask stupidly and he steps closer taking your face into his hands.
“God Y/n I like you so fucking much, you drive me crazy.” He breathes out leaning in closer and your heart soars, beating unhealthily fast. “Please tell me if you don’t feel the same because then I will stop right now.”
“Jungkook.” He rips his eyes away from your lips and looks you in the eye. “Kiss me.” 
He doesn’t need to be asked twice. 
Finally, his lips find yours, and your heart and mind go haywire. You’re sure if you were hooked up to a heart monitor it would be going crazy. His lips move against yours and his hands move from your face to your waist pulling you closer. You wind your arms around his neck, and push your hand into his hair, pulling slightly and you smile when you hear the small moan escape his throat. You relish in his soft lips on yours and you melt into his chest. 
Finally, you pull away a few inches. You both breathe heavily, chests bumping into each other as they expand. He smiles joyously, before pecking you softly again. 
“Fuck,” he breathes out, “I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.”
“And I’ve wanted you to do that so long,” you confess and he smiles. 
“Well in that case.” He leans in again and you gladly meet his lips halfway. 
If the first kiss was sweet this one is intense. He moves his hands to the back of your thighs and picks you up. You gasp but wrap your legs around him before attaching your lips again. He carries you to the couch and lays you down on it softly without breaking the kiss. You make out until you feel like your lungs may implode from the lack of air, but even then you don’t pull away, his lips more of a necessity than oxygen. Your head spins, and you push him lightly making him pull away, but he catches your hand on his chest pinning it above your head. 
“I’m not done with you just yet, princess.” His voice is husky and you groan. 
“Holy shit finally.” 
Both of your heads snap to the front door where Jimin and Tae are standing with bags of take-out in their hands.
You both scramble to sit up, Jungkook falling off of the couch in surprise. 
Taehyung gapes at you and Jimin looks at you smugly. 
You blush but the only thing that crosses your muddled brain is where the fuck did they get a key. 
.
.
.
“A sewer?” 
“Wrong”
“A lake?” 
“Nope.” 
“Ugh… just tell me.” You’ve been trying to guess the answer to this ongoing dispute and Jungkook has not given you even one hint. 
“Where’s the fun in me telling you hmm?” He replies, where he is sitting behind you, his legs on either side of you.
You’re both on the couch, the TV casting a glow over the living room as you sit in the dark. It started with you watching a movie but when he finally came home it didn’t take 5 minutes until he pulled you into him, and started playing with your hair. 
Ever since you two kissed and confessed, he’s been finding every excuse possible to have you as close as possible, it’s like he wants to be touching you  at all times. One would think you’d mind but you definitely don’t.
 “There I finished.” He proclaims happily, taking a picture and showing it to you. 
On the screen is a very messy-looking french braid and you grimace in your mind at the untangling that is waiting for you later tonight, or is it later this morning? 
“It looks great hey?” Jungkook asks for reassurance when you haven’t said anything. He looks so proud how can you not smile widely at him. 
“It looks amazing Kookie.” You laugh, turning around fully and kissing him on the cheek.
You’ve both been making an effort to spend as much time together as possible. A very hard feat as he is away most of the day and night and you are studying most of the time. But you finally found the sweet spot just past 3 am. He tries to be home and you set an alarm to wake up in time. 
It was one of the nights when he was late that you were sitting on the couch braiding your hair for lack of something else to do. He came walking in with a limp, he tripped and fell while chasing Jimin, you swear this boy is one of the clumsiest people you have ever met. When he saw you braiding your hair he immediately asked you to teach him. He’s still perfecting it, so he likes to practice as much as possible. 
“I think I should grow my hair out,” He says, pulling on his hair as if it will become longer. “ Then I can braid my own hair.” The strands he was pulling fall into his face and he blows them away unsuccessfully. 
“I think it’ll look cute if you did,” You push the hair out of his face, “ Then you can wear it in a lot of styles.”
“Yeah, I’ll think about it.” He smiles and takes your hand that was playing with his hair, turning it around and starts to pepper kisses on your palm. 
“That tickles.” You try to pull away giggling but he just pulls you closer, until you are finally face level with him. 
He cups your face softly and smiles, leaning in to kiss you. Your lips meet in a sweet soft kiss and you pull away after a few seconds. He follows with his lips and you giggle at him. 
“That’s just mean.” He pouts and you smile, giving him a peck to make up for it. 
Jungkook smiles widely, wrapping his arms around you and hugging you tightly. He sighs in content. 
“I never thought when I met you that I would be lucky enough to be able to do this.” You look at him only to see him smiling softly, as he leans his head on top of yours. 
“ I also never thought you would be lucky enough.” You joke. 
“Is that so huh?” He laughs wrapping his legs around you as he starts to tickle you. His finger dancing over your sides.  
“Never be this lucky huh?” He laughs while you squeal from his tickling fingers, squirming to try and get away. But his legs and arms are locking you in. 
“Okay, okay.” You exclaim trying to breathe through the laughter. He stops his fingers poised to attack again mere centimeters away from your sides.
“ What?” He leans closer so that his ear is right beside your mouth, “ i don’t think I heard you.”
“I said, okay, you were always going to be so lucky.” You lay it on thick and he seems pleased, laughing at you. 
He hums wrapping his arms tightly around you and pulling you into his chest.
“ Of course you wouldn’t be bale to resist my charms.” He kisses the top of your head when you scoff. “But truth is I would never have been able to resist yours.” You can feel his lips stretch into a smile on top of your head and it causes you to smile. 
Your phone vibrates and you frown. Who would be texting you at this time? Jungkook hands you your phone and you check it. 
“Why is she awake?” You mumble, and frown.
“Who?” Jungkook inquiries. Tilting his head to see your screen. 
“My sister,” You turn the phone so he can read the message. “She is inviting me to her first game this weekend.”
“O, that’s nice are you going to go?” Jungkook asks seeing that you haven’t replied to her yet.
“I don’t know,” you groan. “I mean I haven’t seen her in so long and i miss her terribly, but I don’t know, I have class on Friday afternoon and getting there and back again at night is going to be a pain.” You wish you had a car but with everything so close to your apartment you never saw the need, until now. 
“Hmm…” Jungkook hums. “You can think about it tomorrow.” he states and pulls the phone from your hand and tucks your head underneath his chin again. You decide he is right, there is no use in worrying yourself about it now.
You relish in the moment. In the feel of his arms around you, his skin on yours and his cheek pressed on top of your head. You close your eyes and breath in. You smile softly as his scent invades your nose. Jungkook smells just so Jungkook, his laundry detergent mixed with something else you can never place your finger on. All you know is that it smells amazing, and you nuzzle closer into his chest. 
The warmth radiates off of him, keeping you warm and his sweater underneath you cheek is soft. Your eyes are starting to get heavy, the time catching up to you, you peak at the clock. Just past 4 am, you guess it’s okay for you to sleep now. You wiggle until you're comfortable. Jungkook’s chest is rising and falling rhythmically, giving away the fact that he is also sleeping. You lightly close your eyes, ready to wake up cuddling later today. 
That thought is wrenched from your head just like your comfortable pillow, when Jungkook slips off the couch in surprise at his phone’s ringing, breaking the soft silence that occupied the space mere moments ago. You follow Jungkook to the floor, but quickly get up to help him search for his phone, that he finds a minute later holding it above his head triumphantly, before realising he has to answer the still ringing phone. 
His expression changes from sleepy and smiling to cold and serious as he listens to the person talking on the other side. You frown in confusion but he shakes his head getting up from the floor all while talking low and in short sentences that give nothing away about what they are speaking about. 
You know this routine, Jungkook’s work calls him at all hours of the day and night. You tried to convince him that he should quit but he refused, saying that finding a new job now is only going to stress him out. You don’t understand at all but you decided not to push, however the bunch of job ads on your laptop is ready when he is. 
“Sorry baby, I have to leave, apparently someone disappeared while on duty.” He explains pulling on his jacket and racing forward to give you a kiss on the cheek. 
“Okay, be safe.” You call after him. He gives you one last smile and disappears through the door. 
You sit in the quiet apartment for a while, thinking everything over. The past months have really thrown everything around,  but you couldn’t be happier about it. You can’t believe there was a time that you didn’t even speak to Jungkook. 
Everyone always calls him intimidating but you so easily got the sweet side to him you can’t understand what Jimin and Taehyung means when they say Jungkook can be scary and people are afraid of him. Sure you’ve seen him irritated but what they’re describing sounds more like people are really afraid of him.  He always denies it though and argues with them. They usually give up very easily, especially when they are reminded of your presence. You guess he doesn’t want you to think badly of him. 
You don’t think it would be possible to think badly of Jungkook, he is so sweet, so compassionate and so understanding. He goes out of his way to help you study and supports you before tests by always making you coffee. 
You get up, getting the sticky notes you now have an abundance of at all times. You write him a message for when he gets home, you know you’ll probably be asleep when he gets back. 
The notes have morphed from just telling each other when you’re going out to becoming a full conversation tool. Since you both struggle to see each other, missing each other some days completely you started leaving notes as a way of saying good morning, reminding the other of something or just give them a nice message for the day. The warning to not die or to avoid something horrible during the other’s absence is still a necessity. 
You smile and stick the note to his bedroom door. Taehyung has on multiple occasions double checked on both of your phones that you do actually understand the concept of texting. He gagged evey time at what he calls the “sickly sweet” messages between you two. Reminded of that, you do send him a text to be safe, before your get into bed. 
In bed, cozy and warm you finally fall asleep after two true crime videos.
.
.
.
Becky is rambling again. This time about how her parents won’t buy her a new car after she crashed hers. You roll your eyes when she isn’t looking and nod your head when she is. 
“I mean the crash wasn’t even my fault the other car wasn’t suppose to be there. Who parks in designated parking anyway?” She continues, even though you've long been blocking out her words.
You realise she is waiting for a response. 
“Yeah definitely.” you say to please her and she’s off again. 
Your mind wanders to your sister. You had to tell you couldn’t come to her game tonight and the sadness in her voice still hurts you every time you think about it. Maybe you should just go. You can take a taxi, but you already cringe at the amount of money that would be. You could ask your parents but you feel guilty. They are already paying your rent, and your studies prevent you from getting a job, so you can’t contribute to anything. At least you have a scholarship, you guess. 
“O my god.” Becky exclaims and it takes you a moment to realise she’s stopped walking. You frown at her, wondering what made her stop. “He has friends!” She pulls you closer and you frown finally looking up to see what she is looking at. 
Your eyes land on Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin, who are all stood at the road, leaning against a car. When Jungkook sees you he smiles but the smile drops when he sees who you’re with. He whispers something to his friends who immediately look up from their phones. 
“Come on.” Becky’s nails are digging into your arm as she pulls you forward to the three waiting men. 
“I know you know that one but you have to introduce me to his friends okay?” She hisses into your ear, before throwing her brightest smile at the men. 
You grimace a bit at the thought of introducing them, your worst fear suddenly becoming her dating Taehyung or Jimin. She pulls you along until you’re standing in front of them. 
“Hey ba…” Jungkook can’t even greet you before Becky is chipping in. 
“Hey I’m sure you remember me, we met a few weeks ago.” She smiles at Jungkook. “But I haven’t had the pleasure to meet your friends. Right Y/n?” She squeezes your arm painfully and you wince, smiling awkwardly. 
“Right uhm..this is Jimin and this is Taehyung.” You gesture to the two men hoping she’ll release her hold on you now. You’re not that lucky. 
“Jimin, Taehyung.” She smiles dazzlingly. “ it’s so nice to meet you I’m…” 
“Becky.” Jimin finishes her sentence for her, glaring at her. 
“We know.” Taehyung adds mimicking his friend’s expression. 
Becky tilts her head to the side at their hostility, the smile still on her face as if cemented there. 
“Baby why don’t we get going?” Jungkook asks you, placing his hand on the arm that Becky is still clinging to, forcing her to remove her hands from you. Jungkook pulls you to his side, wrapping an arm around you as soon as you're next to him. 
“Baby?” Becky gasps in surprise. “Wow, are you guys dating?” Becky exclaims, her voice sickly sweet. 
“Yes we are.” Jungkook answers with an eyebrow raised, irritation seeping out of him. 
“You sure do have an interesting taste in girls.” Becky comments and looks you up and down her eyes judging you but as soon as she turns back to the men she’s all smiles again. 
Jungkook must have noticed because his hold on you tightens. 
“We should go on a double date sometime.” She winks at Jimin.
“Yeah you’re definitely not my type,” Jimin responds scoffing walking away from her to get in the car without a second glance. 
Becky gasps, bawling her hands into fists. Her smile is gone and instead her face is screwed up like a toddler’s who is about to throw a tantrum. She gasps for words but in the time it takes her to arrange her thoughts Jungkook is dragging you into the car before driving off. 
“Can you imagine the audacity of her.” Jimin rants.
“And the way she insulted you in front of us.” Taehyung adds. 
“It’s okay guys don’t worry.” You try to calm them down. The whole situation makes you laugh. “Thanks for teaching her a lesson.” You look to the backseat with a smile and both men seem to be placated for now. 
“Are you okay?” Jungkook asks, glancing at you before returning his gaze back onto the road. 
You sigh, “yeah I’m okay,” you stroke your arm where she was holding you. “ who knew fake nails could hurt so much.” You chuckle looking at Jungkook only to see his jaw clenching. 
“She hurt you?” He asks and you shrug. 
“Do you want us to kill her?” Taehyung pipes up and you laugh at the suggestion. 
“Thanks but Jungkook already offered.” You laugh and it makes Jungkook smile at the memory. 
“Wait,” you frown suddenly realising you’re in a car driving somewhere. “Where are we going? And whose car is this?” 
“We’re kidnapping you.” Jimin jokes and you frown in confusion. 
“No really where are we going?” You chuckle but they shake their heads. 
“Just trust us okay?” Jungkook says squeezing your thigh, leaving his one hand there while he drives, causing you to blush.
The rest of the drive is filled with you begging them to tell you where you’re going but they never budge. 
When you finally arrive you frown. What are you doing at a school? 
You hesitantly follow the boys’ lead and get out of the car. There are people everywhere, teenagers walking in little groups laughing, adults chasing after smaller children as they run to the food stands. There is excitement in the air you can feel it and it isn’t until a certain pair of faces catch your eye that you realise where you are. How could you not have figured it out sooner. 
Your mom and dad come rushing towards you, smiles plastered onto their faces and you feel your face mimicking theirs immediately. 
“Hi…” You barely get the word out before your dad pulls you into a bearhug. His arms tightening around your body and you let out a squeak signaling that you can’t breath. 
“O sorry honey,” He chuckles and release you, giving your mom the chance to pull you into a less squishy hug. 
“I can’t believe you came,” Your mother grins, brushing some of your hair back into place, “ Lilly is going to be so happy, what changed your mind?” 
You blush. “ It’s less of my doing and more of theirs.” You point to the three boys behind your parents who have been watching the scene with pleased smiles. “Mom, dad,” You walk to Jungkook when your parents turn at your pointing finger, “ This is Jungkook, my… roommate.” You glance at him afraid he’ll be angry at you for not introducing him as your boyfriend or something but he just smiles brightly, his nose scrunching up and you almost melt. 
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He sticks out his hand for your parents to shake, your dad smile at him shaking his hand and your mom throws you a look. You groan inwardly you already know that look, it’s basically saying “ why didn’t you tell me he is so good looking?”.  You give her a look back trying to prevent her from asking all her questions out loud. 
“Well Jungkook it’s so nice to finally put a face to the name,” your dad says happily 
“And who came with you?” Your mom asks looking past you at Jimin and Taehyung who has now taken a bunch of signs out of the back of the car. 
“O this is my friends,” Jungkook gestures, “ This is Jimin and Taehyung, they wanted to come support Y/n’s little sister with us.” 
“O isn’t that lovely,” Your mom says clutching her heart, clearly moved by the sweetness. 
“Don’t get it wrong Ma’m this was all Jungkook’s idea, we just made the signs.” Jimin smiles and turns the sign in his hand around to show your sister's name in glitter. You look at them in surprise, they probably made all of this last night, and you can feel your chest getting warm from the emotions bubbling up in you. You turn to Jungkook and he awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. 
He leans down to whisper to you while your parents fret over the Jimin and Taehyung’s effort. “They went a bit overboard.” He blushes slightly and you just shake your head. “I love it, thank you.” You want to kiss him but your dad is already there stuffing one of the signs in your hands.
“Come on you two the game is about to start.” Your dad proclaims, nodding to your mom who is  already walking to the bleachers with Jimin and Taehyung in tow. You and Jungkook follow quickly and as soon as you find your seats, the teams come rushing onto the field. 
“Which one is your sister?” Jungkook asks over the screams of the crowd and you point to Lilly.
Her hair is dyed blonde at the moment making her easy to find as the light bounces off it. She turns to the bleachers searching and you wave holding up the sign in your hands. You can see the exact moment she finds you because her eyes light up and a huge grin forms on her face, she follows the signs with her name on it and frown for a second at the three boys holding the others, lifting an eyebrow at you before her teammates drag her into huddle. 
“She looks like you.” Taehyung leans over Jungkook to tell you and you roll your eyes. Everyone says it but you and your sister have never seen the resemblance. Maybe it’s because you’re both so different in personality that it makes you unable to see the physical similarities. 
“Did you play sports in school Y/n?” Jungkook asks. 
At his question your mom dad laughs. “ No, Y/n-bear has always been the studying type.” He ruffles your hair and you groan. “She fell asleep in the library so often the librarian had our number.” Your dad jokes and you cringe. 
“Dad…” You whine and the three boys next to you burst out laughing. 
“Y/n-bear huh.” Jungkook giggles and you cringe and stick out your tongue at him. 
“As if your parents don’t have a embarrassing nickname for you.” You counter but his smile drops for a second, before coming back. 
“We just call him Kookie.” Jimin pipes up causing Jungkook to blush. 
“Or Bambi because when we met him he had these huge eyes.” Taehyung joins in smirking as Jungkook groans, clearly enjoying teasing the younger boy. Jungkook playfully smack him in retaliation and Taehyung is just about to fight back when the whistle blows, signaling the start of the game. 
The game is a stressful one, the two teams keeping the score even. You cheer with every goal you’re sister’s team scores and you have to physically calm your dad down from yelling at the referee when he makes a bad call, only to find the other three men yelling along with him. At some point in the game, Jungkook’s hand finds yours and you intertwine your fingers together. You’re jumping up and down in celebration of another goal when you turn to him smiling wide to find him staring at you. The intense look on his face makes you blush. 
“What ?” You ask a little out of breath but he just shakes his head. 
“ I think I might be in trouble,” He whispers in your ear and you frown in confusion. 
“Why?” You cock your head to the side, staring into his eyes. 
“Because,” he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, “ I can’t help but think every time I see you, how much I love you.” 
The bleachers burst out in an eruption of cheers as the end whistle blows signaling your sister’s win. But all you can hear is Jungkook’s confession ringing in your ears. You’re both staring into each other’s eyes and you’re about to reply when your dad pulls you into a hug, cheering for your sister, and starts to drag you down to the field to go congratulate her in person. You look back to see Jungkook softly smiling at you as Jimin and Taehyung jump onto him for a group hug. 
As soon as your sister sees you she is running to you at full speed, crashing into you and making you stumble back. 
“Did you see I scored the winning goal!” she exclaims and her teammates burst into cheers again around her. 
“I saw Lils I saw.” you lie, it’s not like you’re going to tell her you missed it because you just heard Jungkook say he loves you for the first time. 
“O my god, I can’t believe you’re here, I’m so glad you came.” she gushes, shaking you and jumping up and down. In moments like these she reminds you a lot of a hyperactive puppy. She suddenly stops, looking over your shoulder and you turn to see what she’s looking at. “Who are they?” she asks and you smile when your eyes land on Jungkook and his friends.
“That’s…” 
“Hi, I’m Jimin, wow I’m a huge fan the way you just scored that goal amazing, just amazing!” Jimin interrupts you before you can even introduce him. 
“Right, that was awesome who knew Y/n’s little sister is such a badass.” Taehyung joins Jimin. “Im Taehyung by the way we’re Y/n’s friends.” 
“I didn’t know my sister had such gorgeous friends wow,” Your sister blurts out without a bit of shame. “Did you make the signs? I loved them by the way.” 
They both nod enthusiastically and she hugs them both. Your sister has never been the shy type, she shows how she’s feeling without a care, which is very nice when she’s happy but can be a pain in the ass when she’s mad. Jimin and Taehyung don’t seem to mind though and they happily accept the physical contact. 
“Lilly this is Jungkook.” You finally get her attention back to you. Her eyes widen at the mention of his name.
“So you’re my sister’s roommate?” She asks and when he nods she jumps up an down clapping her hands. “She told me a lot about you, it’s so nice to meet you.”
Jungkook chuckles, glancing at you at the new information. “It’s nice to meet you too, I’d love to hear all about the things your sister has been telling you.” He smirks and she laughs. 
“O yeah, I’ll tell you but come meet my teammates first they’ve all been distracted by the three hot guys on the bleachers.” Jungkook barely has a moment to react before Lilly is dragging him, Tae and Jimin to her friends. You just stand and laugh, ignoring their pleading stares for help as they are bombarded by teenage girls.
“Fancy meeting you here Y/n.” A voice next to you makes you jump and you look to the side, only to find a man who looks strangely familiar. You rack your brain and when you finally figure out how you know him, you freeze. It’s that creepy guy from the elevator. 
“I haven’t seen you around the building, have you been avoiding me?” Damion asks his voice making it sound like he’s hurt but his eyes are as cold as ever. 
“What are you doing here?” You blurt out, confused and you’ll admit a little bit scared.
“O my niece is in the other team, she asked me to come watch her game,” He waves his hand as if to brush off the accusatory tone in your voice. His eyes fall onto the scene behind you, “Is that your sister?” He asks innocently and you only nod. “She looks just like you.” He smiles but it sends a chill down your spine, he leans closer and you cringe back but his hand is holding you in place. “I’d love to meet her one day, “ he whispers.
“Y/n!” Lilly’s voice makes you look towards where she is beckoning you closer, you sigh out in relief to have an excuse to get away from Damion but when you turn to say something he’s gone. 
You shake your head a little to clear it and plaster on a smile. You walk to where Lilly and your parents are standing. 
“Hey you okay?” Jungkook asks when you’re close enough and you just nod. 
“Yeah I’m fine, just a bit cold.” You lie, although the night has turned chilly and without missing a beat Jungkook takes off his jacket and drapes it around you.  
“Y/n are you and the boys going to join us for post game celebrations?” Your mom asks, and you sigh.
“I’m sorry guys but I have a test coming up.” You bite your lip feeling bad. 
“You can miss one night of studying right?” Lilly interjects, “ I still want to hang out with you.” She pouts and it breaks your heart to have to say no. 
“Come now Lilly you know how hard your sister has to study, we don’t want to keep her out too late.” Your dad scolds her but your sister’s face doesn’t change. 
“We’ll come visit again,” Jungkook says trying to soothe her and she looks at him surprised. 
“Yeah and then we can go out to get ice cream or something.” You pipe up gratefully. “I promise.” You hold out your pinky finger and after a second she takes it in her own. 
“Okay, fine but you all have to come again.” She looks to Jimin and Tae too and they smile promising her. 
You all walk back to the together. Lilly who now seems much more satisfied is leading the way talking animatedly to Jungkook and Jimin while Taehyung is taking up your father’s attention , talking about god knows what. 
“He’s a very nice young man.” Your mom says looping her arm through yours while she stares at Jungkook laughing at something Lilly said. 
“Yeah he is.” You agree happy to know your mom likes him. If you were to tell her of your relationship with Jungkook you’re at least sure she’ll approve.
“You two make a good couple.” You look at her in surprise. “Mom…” 
“ O please save it,  do you think I’m blind?” She asks amused and you shake your head on impulse.  “ the way you two look at each other  is enough to make anyone see that you’re absolutely crazy for each other.” 
You blush and she coos, “O my sweet Y/n has her first boyfriend.” She squishes your face in her hands and you shake loose of her hold. “Mom stop it.” you whine but she just giggles. 
“I’m glad you’re happy sweety.” 
“Me too Mom,” you smile, “and I am really happy.” She nods and you say goodbye quickly, the others already waiting at the car. 
You hug your dad and with one last squishy hug from Lilly you get in the car. Although you love your family you can’t wait to get back to the apartment, because you have something very important to do. 
Jimin and Taehyung say goodbye to you in the street because they have to return the car that they apparently borrowed from Hobi, though you don’t know how loosely they used the term borrowed. So it’s just you and Jungkook who goes up to the apartment. 
“Jungkook…” The front door closes behind you. He turns around and you throw yourself into his arms. “Thank you so much for tonight.” You mumble into his chest, holding him tighter. 
You feel his chuckle reverberate through his chest. “ It’s a pleasure, I’m just glad your parents seem to like me,” he pulls away so that he can see your face, “they do like me right?”
You laugh. Is that what he was worrying about tonight? “Are you kidding my mom loves you.” 
Jungkook breathes out dramatically. “O thank god, otherwise we would have to be star-crossed lovers.” He smirks and you roll your eyes, earning a kiss on the forehead from him. 
“I did want to talk to you actually.” You bite your lip, looking away feeling shy all of a sudden. 
Jungkook lifts his eyebrows. “That doesn’t sound good.” He leads you to the couch to sit down, his hands holding yours.
“It’s nothing bad I promise it’s just after what you said on the bleachers well…” 
Jungkook interrupts you. “Y/n it’s okay, you don’t have to say it back if you don’t want to.” 
“No that’s not it I…”
“I didn’t say it for an answer I said it that you know how I feel.” He rambles.
“No Jungkook…” 
He isn’t looking at you but he continues to talk. “I mean I know it’s probably too soon to say it, we haven’t been dating that long but…”
 “Jungkook!” his gaze snap to you in surprise and you smile. “I’m trying to say that I love you too.” You watch in amusement as his face morphs from shocked to blushing and then it lands on something else.
“Say it again.” His eyes are hooded and he is leaning towards you.
“What?” You’re confused, your eyebrows furrowing. 
He raises your hands over your head causing you to fall back onto the couch. He leans over you now, smirking and his stare intense. 
“Say,” he kisses your cheek, “it”, he kisses your jaw, “again.” His lips find your neck and you squirm a bit.
“I love you.” You say breathlessly, he removes his lips from your neck to look at you. 
“Good girl.” Is all he says before his lips captures yours. You can feel yourself melt and butterflies erupt in your stomach at his words. He bites your bottom lip lightly and you moan, causing him to smile. His lips are hot against yours, impatient in its movements as if he can’t get enough of you. 
You tug at his hand that is still holding your wrists and he lets go, only for you to thread them into his hair pulling lightly. He groans and wraps his arms around your back pulling you onto his lap. 
You’ve made out before of course but something was different tonight it’s as if you’re both starving for each other. You tug at his shirt’s hem and he gets the message because he rips it off before pulling you closer again. You place your hand on his chest and gasp at the warmth of his skin underneath your palms. You lightly drag your nails down his chest and he moans into your mouth when it rests at the waistband of his pants.
He pulls away slightly giving you both a moment to breathe. “ Baby wait.” He takes your hand on his pants in his own, holding it against his chest. 
“Why?” You pout and he chuckles. 
“I really want to do this, really want to, but we can’t on the couch.” He explains and your mind immediately goes to the many times Taehyung and Jimin have burst into the apartment and found you both on the couch in compromising positions like this. 
“Fine,” You say and get up from his lap, holding out your hand for him, “Your bed or mine?” 
He smirks and picks you up. You gasp and wrap your legs around his waist as he carries you into his room, making sure to lock the door behind him.
.
.
.
You impatiently tap your fingers on the counter waiting for the coffee machine. You were too lazy to put on any real clothes not seeing the point so you’re dressed in one of Jungkook’s hoodies and socks. A podcast is playing over your headphones and you already have a cup ready in your hand. You’re taking a break from studying but you know you’ll probably finish the coffee in your room  in what is now essentially just your study, seeing as you don’t sleep in there anymore. You smile lightly at the memory of this morning, a relaxed sunny morning filled with soft kisses and cuddles. That is until you finally had to tear yourself away to go to class and Jungkook had to go to work. You got back from class a few hours ago but your boyfriend still hasn’t returned. His note had said he’ll probably be home late, so you’re not worried, but you wish you knew what he was busy with. 
Even after all this time you still didn’t know what exactly his job is. He would always tip-toe around the question claiming that he does a lot of things, odd jobs really, but you feel like he isn’t telling you the full truth. You don’t see a reason to confront him about it though, because what job could possibly be a bad one right?
You’re so lost in thought you don’t even feel the presence behind you until arms wrap around you. 
You scream, hurling around only to find a giggling Jungkook behind you. 
Jungkook takes out the headphones in your ears. “ You should be careful, I could have been a murderer.” He jokes.
You roll your eyes. “I knew you were there the entire time.” Which of course is a lie, you had no idea that someone was in the apartment. 
“Yeah?” You nod profusely.
 Jungkook pulls you closer. “Then why did you scream?” He smirks knowing that you’re lying. 
You open your mouth to reply but you can’t really think of anything to say so you close it again to his amusement. 
“Yeah I thought so.” He smiles at you. You stare at his smile. It always makes you smile too, the way his whole face lights up and you’re sure you can stare at him forever when he looks at you the way he is now.
“That doesn’t matter anyway,” you pull him closer, “because now that you’re home, we can spend the rest of the night together.” 
He raises his eyebrows, “Yeah? what did you have in mind hmm?” He is smirking again, backing you up until your back meets the counter, caging you in. His eyes are hooded, gone is the bunny smiling man and instead he looks like a predator, waiting for you to make the first move.
You smirk, and pull him closer until your lips meet. You kiss him sweetly but after a moment you rack your fingers into his hair pulling him even closer and deepening the kiss. He moans lightly into your mouth and you smirk pulling away. 
“Maybe we should watch a movie?” You say innocently trying to escape his hold but he doesn’t relent.
“O no you’re not getting away that easily. I come home and you’re only in my hoodie,” He tugs at the fabric lightly. “I’m definitely not watching a movie with you like this.” 
You shrug. “ Fine by me.” You giggle, leaning in for another kiss but he suddenly grimaces in pain. 
“Jungkook?” You question as he grips onto his leg. 
“Just give me a moment okay?” He says, his eyes a bit panicked, you nod and he backs away. You catch sight of his hand when it leaves his black covered leg and you’ve been patching him up so much you can easily see the red liquid that coats it. 
Your eyes go wide. “Jungkook is that blood?” You move closer to him but he moves back. 
“It’s fine, don’t worry.” He replies, but you’re not so easily convinced. 
“Let me see.” You command but he shakes his head. “Jungkook let me see.” You use your doctor voice and he sighs. 
“We better go to the bathroom then.” He looks worried which makes you worry, but you help him to the bathroom where he sits down on the closed toilet. You kneel in front of him.
Now that you’re closer you can see the wet stain that is growing by the second. And you gasp when he removes his pants and you get a good look at the wound. The skin is peeled away on his thigh leaving a long deep gash and a bunch of bruising around it. It isn’t something you’ve seen before in person.
“Jungkook what happened?” You sound a bit hysteric even to your own ears. 
Jungkook curses when he sees it. “I thought he missed.” He mumbles.
“Missed what?” You ask stupidly, staring up at Jungkook. 
“I got mugged again.” He tries to explain but you see the way he looks away not meeting your eyes. 
“Okay either you’re the most unlucky person ever that gets mugged a lot or you’re lying to me.” You know it’s the latter. Unlike the first time that he came home bleeding you now know him well enough to know when he is lying. 
“Y/n…” He pleads for you to not press but you’ve had enough. 
“Jungkook, I’ve been quiet every time you come home injured, I patch you up and let it go but this looks like a bullet grazed you.” There is no other injury you can think of that will look like this. You look at him waiting for him to deny it but he just sighs. 
“Y/n can’t you just patch me up and forget about it?” He sounds angry but you can see that it’s just clouding panic. 
“No, tell me what happened.” You demand. “I’m your girlfriend don’t you think I’m at least entitled to the truth?” 
He shakes his head. “You shouldn’t know the truth.” He says it through clenched teeth and you frown. 
“You really don’t think I deserve to know the truth?” You raise your voice, getting angry now. Why can’t he just tell you? 
“That’s not what I’m saying, it’s just better that you don’t know the truth.” He is getting angry now too. 
“That makes no sense, did this happen because of your job?” You can’t think of another explanation as to why he keeps getting hurt like this. 
He glares at you and for the first time ever you see his scary gaze directed at you. “That has nothing to do with you.” He growls and you flinch. He looks like he regrets it immediately but you don’t look at him. Instead you start disinfecting the wound. 
You don’t react when he tries to get your attention throughout the process, you just wrap up his injury and when you’re done you stand up without a word. 
Jungkook grabs your wrist and you stare at him. “ Wait, I’m sorry. Can we just talk about this?” 
“I don’t want to hear anymore lies Jungkook.” You retort but he doesn’t let you go. 
He gulps and bites his lip, clearly struggling. “If I tell you what happen you’ll run away from me.” He says it with such certainty that you hesitate for a second. He sounds so sad. 
“You won’t know that unless you tell me, besides you should know me better than to think I’d just leave you because you told me the truth,” you try to wrench your hand away from him, but he stands up winching a bit. 
“Okay, I’ll tell you but all I’m asking is that you remember what you just said.” You nod, now a bit scared because Jungkook looks so anxious. 
You wait for him on the couch while he changes into some pants. He comes out without a shirt on and you frown at all the bruises on his torso. There are some cuts too but they’re not very deep. Once again you see the white scars, you noticed that first time.
Jungkook stands sheepishly at the entrance to the hallway as if unsure whether to sit or run away. 
“Do you want coffee?” He asks hesitantly.
“ Jungkook stop stalling please,” You sigh, “Just come sit down.” You just want to know what is happening.
He sighs and walks slowly to sit on the couch, keeping the distance between you two, which you’re thankful for.
You sit in silence waiting for Jungkook to say something but he sits hunched over scratching at his cuticles and avoids looking at you. 
“Jungkook the longer you take the more my head is jumping to conclusions,” You break the silence trying to spur him on to speak.
“Yeah?” He still doesn't look at you. “Like what?” 
You stare at him. “I don’t know,” You throw up your hands, “ like that you’re a serial killer or something.” 
Jungkook chuckles humorlessly. “I’m not a serial killer Y/n.” 
“Then what can be so bad?” You question, leaning in closer to him, not seeing a way that something can be worse. 
Jungkook takes a deep breath in. “I’m in the mafia Y/n.” He glances at you waiting for your reaction. 
To his surprise you laugh. “Okay, sure Kook you’re in the mafia.” You watch him, waiting for him to laugh too and give up the joke but he just stares at you seriously. 
“O my god,” It takes a minute to sink in, “ that's how you know how to hide a body isn’t it?.” 
“ Well I don’t actually do the hiding bit.” He chuckles again still glancing at you nervously picking at his fingers. 
You just stare at him. Everything feels cold all of a sudden. “Then what bit do you do?”
But you don’t give him a chance to respond something dawning on you. “O my god, you’ve killed people before haven’t you?” 
Jungkook just looks away, his reaction all answer you need. 
You pull your legs further away from him, into your chest, moving as far away from him on the couch as possible.
 Jungkook, your Jungkook is in the mafia, is a murderer. You can’t wrap your head around how the sweet, bunny-smiling man you love is capable of any of that. The man who showers you with kisses in the morning to wake you up. The man that makes you pancakes and coffee before a test, that braids your hair after you shower.  You don’t know what to think or do. Should you run? Should you call the police? You just don’t know. All you do know is that you suddenly feel the need to be as far away from him as possible. For the first time ever you feel scared being in his presence. 
“Please don’t run away,” he asks you, his hand twitching as if to hold onto you but he retracts it, “Remember you promised.”
“Yeah I promised because I thought you were going to tell me you're a stripper or something, not that you're in the mafia.” You sound a bit hysterical, unsure of what to think or do, your head running a thousand miles an hour. 
Finally you decide. You stand up from the couch, and you can see the hurt written all over his face. 
You sigh. “I’m not running away, I just… I need a moment to think okay?” 
He just nods. “Do you want me to leave?” 
You shake your head  “No, I don’t know, maybe? I just don’t know anything right now okay.”  
You turn on your heels and walk to your room, leaving him on the couch. 
You close the door to your room and you sink to the floor. You have to process what you just heard. You finally found out the truth and now you wonder if your should have just been kept in the dark. Maybe it would have been easier. No, you decide it’s better that you know.
In some ways you feel stupid. All the late nights calls, him coming home with various injuries and vague explanations. Even the tip-toeing around what his actual job is. You feel like a fool for not at least expecting it to be a possibility. But how could you have it feels so unreal and yet it is the reality, no changing that.
 You just have to decide what to do now, so you go sit down at your desk, throwing all your notes on the floor and pulling out a clean piece of paper. You draw a line down the middle. A pros and cons list. 
You laugh humorlessly at yourself. You used to do this when you had to decide whether to join the debate team or decathlon team, not whether you should stay with your mafia boyfriend or not. Is he even your boyfriend anymore? Do you want him to be? 
You sit with the pen tip pushed on the page but you can’t write. Of course the cons are obvious. You stay with him and know that he is doing illegal things every day. You stay with him knowing you could be putting yourself in danger as well. But you can’t come to a conclusion even though the cons outweigh the pros. The only pro is that you love him.
You’re a logical person, you always have been, so it should be easy when you look at the list, but you just can’t get the sad look on his face out of your head. The way he didn’t want to tell you because he was so sure you would leave him. 
It’s happened before you realise. He wasn’t keeping this from you just because he didn’t want to tell you but because he didn’t want you to leave. You think of all the things he’s done for you, walking you home after class because it was getting dark. Taking you to see your sister’s game just because he knew you were sad to miss it. Taking care of you while you were sick. That man wasn’t someone malicious. So who is the real Jungkook then?  
You start to look at it differently. From a different angle the way your dad always told you to do when you were struggling with something. You don’t know the full story, you don’t know how he got sucked into this life. 
Finally you get up. If you’re going to make a decision you need to know everything. 
.
.
.
You knock on his door a few hours later. You can hear shuffling inside and finally it opens. Jungkook’s hair is disheveled as if he’s been tugging at it and his eyes are red like he’s been crying. Behind him you can see bags half packed. 
“What are you doing?” You ask, suddenly panicking that he is packing.
“You said you needed space so I thought I’d make everything easier for you and leave.” He says sniveling a little bit. 
“Jungkook I didn’t mean you have to move out I just needed some time that’s all.” Even now you have the urge to hug him to make him feel better. 
“Does that mean you want me to stay?” He asks hopefully. 
“It means I want to know everything.” He frowns in confusion. “I want to know what happened how this all happened.” 
He nods and step aside inviting you in. “Well then you better sit down it’s kind of a long story.” 
You enter his room, that just a few hours ago was the room you shared with him. How ironic that just his morning you were tangled up in his bed with him and now you’re sitting on it waiting to hear him tell you how he got into the mafia. 
He sits down next to you, still keeping space between you two as if too scared to sit near you. 
He sighs and racks his fingers through his hair. “I haven't told anybody this, the only people who knows are my Hyungs.” 
You frown. “ Wait so Jimin and Taehyung are also in this?” You can’t believe it. But he holds up his hand, stopping you from asking anymore questions, and even though your head is full of them, you keep quiet.
“I’ll get to that part but I guess I have to start at the beginning.” He sighs before looking at you. 
“My childhood wasn’t like yours, there were no picnics and movie nights or family dinners. My dad wasn’t a good person. He would beat me up daily. I remember him locking me in a closet because I was afraid of the dark when I was 5, saying that it will teach me a lesson.” You gasp not even being able to imagine what that must have been like. 
“He would punish me for the most basic things, and as I got older it only got worse.” He grimaces at the memories. 
“My mom on the other hand was the best. She tried to intervene even if it meant getting hurt herself. She would sneak me food when my dad refused to give me any, and every year on my birthday she would make me a small cake, just enough for me and her.”
 He smiles softly. “ She tried her best, always telling me stories of how we’ll escape and get a house near a river with wildflowers, and how she would bake me cookies and I can catch fireflies in the summer.” He sighs. “Of course that couldn’t happen, my dad kept her locked in the house and she had no money of her own but yet she tried so hard to find a way out.” He swallows hard. “ One night she came into my room and told me to pack a bag, that we were finally escaping.” His voice is almost a whisper at this point “We were so close, almost out through the small window in the basement when he caught us.” His voice breaks and you can’t help but put a hand over his. You asked for the whole story but now you wish you hadn’t, just so that he didn’t have to relive the memories. 
“He killed her.” He looks at you with teary eyes. “Right in front of me.” 
“O Jungkook.” But he just shakes his head wiping away the tears. 
“So it was just me and my dad and well you’ve seen the scars.” You immediately understand where those white scars you were wondering about came from and you have to stop yourself from hugging him. 
“I’m not telling you this to try and manipulate you into letting me stay, I just want to give you background information.” He says softly and you can't imagine why he would even think that you were considering him trusting you with this as manipulation. 
“So anyway,” he continues. “ My dad at some point got involved with some pretty bad people and one night they burst into the house, demanding him to pay what he owed them but of course he couldn't. He gambled it all away.” He takes a breath. “So they shot him. They didn’t know I was in the house so I climbed through a window to get away,” 
He chuckles lightly looking at you and it surprises you. “Let me tell you running away with a broken ankle isn’t easy.” You don’t know what to say startled by the way he laughs at this, so you just wait for him to continue, which he does. 
“ I lived on the street for a while, trying to get scraps from dumpsters behind restaurants you know that kind of thing.” He looks to you as if you know what he means but you don't. You’ve never had to live like that before and knowing that it was what he was used to for who knows how long makes your heart break. 
“That’s where Namjoon-hyung found me, I was 10 at the time, some guys were beating me up because I had wandered into their territory. He and the others intervened and after that he took me in.” He looks at you again. “I didn’t know what they were doing in the beginning, I was so skittish barely anyone could get near me, but eventually Jimin got through to me and  slowly I learned to trust them all. When I was 13, Namjoon-hyung  told me what they did. I was disgusted at first, but they had become my family. A real family, so how could I ever leave them.” 
“Did they force you into it then?” You ask when he pauses.
But Jungkook shakes his head. “No, they never forced me to do anything, but I wanted to train with them and one night I asked Jimin if I could tag along on a mission.” He looks to the side as if imagining it. 
“The mission was routine, just getting a shipment nothing serious, but on the way back we came across a man trying to pull a girl into an alley.” His face goes hard. “Jimin made everyone stop and we saved her. He told me after that we have a code.” He looks at you. “ We protect the people in our territory, that we may live in a world full of violence but we don’t have to let innocent people live in it too.” 
You nod your head trying to understand what he means and you think you do. 
He risks taking your hands into his. “Y/n I may be a bad person and I have done bad things but you have to know that I never acted with you, everything I did or said it was real, is real. Hell, I wasn’t even supposed to be living here anymore.” 
You frown. “What do you mean?” 
“When I came to live with you I just needed a place to hide for a few weeks, but this place became like a sanctuary to me away from all the violence, where I can just be myself, and after a while, I realised it wasn’t just the apartment it was you too.” He takes a deep breath and his eyes fill with tears. 
“I understand if you want me to leave and never want anything to do with me again, I can’t ask you to still love me but I can only make sure that you know that I truly love you.” He waits for you to speak and you know he is waiting for you to kick him out. 
“Jungkook, a rational person would kick you out right now,” A tear makes it way down his cheek, “Luckily I have never been a rationale person.” You pull him into a hug. 
“If we met differently yes maybe I would be running for the hills but Jungkook,” You pull away a bit, wiping the tears from his face, “I love you for the person you showed me you are and I believe that, that is the real you, and that the only thing you ever wanted was a family, and now that you found one you will fight for them no matter what.” 
Jungkook pushes his face into your neck and let’s out a sob. You place your hand on his back rubbing circles on it trying to soothe him as he lets it all out. You sit like that for what feels like hours, hugging and him just nuzzling into your neck even after he stopped crying.
“So I’m basically a mafia doctor then?” You joke trying to lighten the mood.  
He chuckles. “Yeah, everyone is jealous that I can just get patched up by you without doing it myself.” 
You frown. “Do you guys just, what ,patch yourselves up?” 
“We’ve learned how to do the basics so we help each other.” He sighs and plays with your fingers. “I was suppose to go to headquarters that night you helped me for the first time but I guess my brain just wanted safety.” 
You sigh. “ Well I mean I could help the others too if they want me…”
“No.” Jungkook interrupts you, and you look taken aback. “Not because I want to keep you to myself but I don’t want you anywhere near that part of my life, it’s too dangerous, that’s why I didn’t want to tell you in the first place even if some of the others said I should.” 
You frown. “ Who said you should?”
“Jimin and Hobi hyung.” He mumbles looking away.
“Not Tae?” You raise an eyebrow at the information.
Jungkook shakes his head. “No, he said it would be too unsafe, Jimin didn’t want to keep you in the dark and Hobi said you deserved to know the truth.”
You look down at your intertwined hands as a thought dawns on you. “Are you going to get in trouble for telling me?” 
Jungkook shakes his head . “No, the others were more indifferent than against it, so I should be fine.” He smiles lightly at you, placing his finger underneath your chin making you look at him. 
“I’m glad you didn’t run away, I don’t know how I would have broken it to the other two. They like you too much.” He jokes.
“Well I mean I guess I knew too much anyway so you would have had to drag me back.” You play along as he leans in closer.
“Yeah probably would have had to tie you up too.” He smiles and you roll your eyes.
The moment is broken however by Jungkook’s phone ringing. He looks at you solemnly as he answers. For the first time, your heart skips a beat when you see him seriously listening to what is said on the other side, now knowing what is happening. 
“You have to go?” You guess and he nods sadly. 
“I’m sorry, but it’s just a meeting okay no danger.” He tries to ease your worried look. You just nod and walk him to the front door. 
But before he leaves you pull him into a tight hug. “Just promise to come home okay?” You almost feel like crying, is this how women feel sending their husbands off to war? 
He pulls away and leans down so that you’re at eye level. “I may come home hurt,” He smiles lightly, “ but I will always come home, I promise.”  He kisses your forehead before leaving. His words not reassuring you at all. 
.
.
.
“Why can’t you guys just tell me?” You plead with Jimin and Tae who are sprawled out on the couch, barely glancing at you standing in front of them with crossed arms. 
“Because Jungkook told us not to.” Jimin says lazily, not looking up from his phone. 
You’ve been trying to get them to tell you the best way to hide a body for the past 15 minutes. The joke with Jungkook turning into a real competition after you found out he actually does know the right answer. 
It’s been a few weeks since he confessed to you he’s in the mafia and you’ve gotten used to the idea now. You still worry about him but you’re more relaxed when he lets things slip about his other life. He still looks at you anxiously whenever he does slip up as if you are going to change your mind and run away at any moment, but you never do. You have to say after he told you a lot of things fell into place that you never really gave too much thought to, like the way he would smirk or smile at remarks you would make from time to time. Everything finally at least makes sense now.
Jimin and Taehyung acted like polar opposites to the news that you know the truth. Jimin seemed relieved before he started almost spilling everything about what they do before Jungkook had to drag him away by the back of the neck to make it very clear to him that he doesn’t want you to know any details about it. 
Taehyung on the other hand seemed angry and didn’t talk to you at first, glaring at Jimin whenever he would make a joke about their real lives. After a particular joke about who is best with a sniper, he stood up and dragged you to the hallway.
“Taehyung I know you’re angry that I know but…” You were cut off by his arms wrapping around you. 
“I’m not angry, I just didn’t want anything to change.” He admitted still hugging you. “I didn’t want to lose you as a friend.”
You pulled away slightly to look into his eyes. “Tae, I already made my choice, I’m not going to run away from you guys.” 
After that, he warmed up again, happy to know his fears weren’t going to become a reality. 
You did however have a small falling out with them when you learned how they kept getting into your apartment. 
You had found them playing video games when you got back from class one day and knowing that Jungkook wasn’t home at all that day you had stepped in front of them making them pause their game and demanded to know how they got in.
Jimin had blushed profusely as Tae admitted embarrassed that they have been picking the lock. You had blown up at that, scolding them about privacy and personal space and yes, how illegal it is. 
They had stared up at you like two naughty children the whole time. They tried to kiss-ass the entire day after that but you ignored them, and the chocolate and coffee they brought to you as an apology.
It wasn’t until later when Jungkook asked you what was wrong and you told him everything that he made you understand. To them, like Jungkook, the apartment is a place they don’t have to even think about their lives. In the mansion where they all live, apart from Jungkook, they always have to be reminded in some way or the other of the reality of their lives, but here they could just truly and fully relax. 
You felt bad so to make up for it you had something made for them. 
“A key?” Tae had asked confused holding it up and turning it around. 
“Yes a key,” You had sassed, “I’m sure you’re not very familiar with the concept but now you don’t have to pick my locks every time you want to hang out here.” You had explained and were immediately pulled into a group hug, sandwiched between the two of them.
Of course, you had laid down some ground rules eventually like texting you before coming over so that they didn’t catch you in your underwear… again. But for the most part, they came and went as they pleased, happy to be trusted by you. 
Which brings you back to the present, of them completely ignoring your wishes. 
“I thought we were friends.” You pout making them at least look at you. 
“No, don’t give us that face,” Taehyung physically puts his hand over his eyes. “We can’t tell you, we promised.” 
“But what’s a promise really Taetae?” You know you’re playing dirty but you’re willing to if it means you can best Jungkook in your little game. 
“Y/n what are you doing?” Jungkook’s voice comes from the front door, you didn’t even notice that it had opened. 
“Kookie she is trying to get us to tell her how to hide a body.” Jimin spills the beans immediately and you glare at him earning only a smirk in return. 
Jungkook gasps and walks to you. “Y/n that is cheating.” 
You sigh dramatically. “You never said that I couldn’t get any help.” 
“It is an obvious rule, besides they won’t tell you.” He glances at his friends lifting an eyebrow at them “Right guys?”  
They both just nod, their attention back to their phones. 
“Ughh that’s just unfair,” You whine and stomp your foot but smile none the less when Jungkook pulls you into his chest.
“No, that's the game and you should play fair.” he chuckles kissing the pout off your face. 
“Ewww guys.” Jimin complains, at the show of affection. 
“Hey, you're in my house.” You glare at him, kicking a pillow laying on the floor at him. 
He just shrugs, “fair point.” 
“That being said Y/n,” Taehyung pipes up, “What are we gonna eat?” He smiles a boxy smile at you. 
You turn to him, Jungkook hugging you from behind tucking his chin in the crook of your neck. 
“What am I your mother? Damn” You question rolling your eyes, “You can make your own food.”
“Baby we haven’t gone grocery shopping.” Jungkook whispers in your ear and you cringe as the other two laugh. 
“Well, then you can order your own takeout.” You say instead, earning more laughter. 
“Or better yet you can go get takeout for all of us.” Jungkook adds.
Jimin and Taehyung groan but gets up from the couch nonetheless. Grumbling about stupid friends, and third-wheeling they head out the door. 
“We’ll be back in like 20 minutes so just keep that in mind.” Jimin yells as Taehyung pulls him out the door. 
“20 minutes huh?” Jungkook whispers into your neck, “ we can do a lot in 20 minutes.” He lightly kisses your neck and you moan softly. 
“Are you trying to seduce me?” You giggle and you feel him smile against your skin. 
“That depends are you seducable?” He asks.
“No,” You lie,  stepping out of his hold, his arms still in the shape they were when you were in them. He looks shocked. “You’re just trying to get out of doing the dishes by using your …” You wave your hands randomly trying to come up with the right word, “charms.” 
“My charms?” He questions stepping forward holding you by your hips. “Well then do I charm you a lot?” He leans down to kiss you. 
“Yes, but not tonight,” You lean back away from his lips even though they are hard to resist. “I have no coffee cups left.”
He laughs loudly throwing his head back. “Okay, okay,” he relents and lets you go, moving past you but not before whispering in your ear. “But I’m having you all to myself tonight.” 
You feel a tingle travel down your spine and for a moment you regret your decision to make him do the dishes now, that is until you see the pile stacked in the sink and agree that you can wait until later tonight even if you have to kick Tae and Jimin out to be alone with him. 
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You wake up in Jungkook’s arms. His bare chest pressed against your back, his leg hooked over your hip. You smile softly as you feel his breath breeze over your neck, your gaze travelling from his arm that you’re using as a pillow to his hand. You place yours in his, playing with his fingers and running your fingertips over the callouses on his palm. 
You giggle as you're pulled closer into him by his other arm his lips now right by your ear. 
“What are you doing pretty girl?” He asks in his husky morning voice and you melt at the sound of it. You’re sure if you could you’d record it and put it as your ringtone. You’re also quite sure he wouldn’t mind. 
“I’m just thinking.” You reply, intertwining your fingers with his. 
“O yeah?” He asks, moving his lips down to your neck, not kissing just resting his lips against the skin. “What about?” 
You smile wide and turn around in his hold to face him. His eyes are hidden a bit by his hair falling into his face. He wraps both of his arms around you at the change in position. 
“I was thinking about how happy I am.” You tell him pushing his hair out of his face and revealing his relaxed eyes, the deep brown of them sparkling in the morning light. 
He smiles widely at your answer, “ And what makes you so happy?” He asks scrunching his nose.
You place your finger to your chin to show you’re thinking.  “Probably the thought of coffee.” You chuckle and he groans burrowing his face into the crook of your neck, knowing that this means he’ll have to let go of you. 
“No,” He tightens his grip on you. “I refuse, I think you should just stay right here.” His words whisper over your skin and feel goosebumps popping up in their wake. 
You pout. “That’s a bit selfish don’t you think?” You ask, pulling back so he has to look at you. 
He shrugs. “Then I’m selfish.” He says before nuzzling back into your neck. 
“Being selfish isn’t a good thing Kookie.” You giggle at him, running your fingers lovingly through his hair.
“I’m in the mafia I’m not supposed to be nice.” He mumbles into your neck and you laugh.
“But you’re suppose to be nice to me, because you love me.” You sing-song, making him laugh. His laugh reverberates through his chest and you can feel it vibrating against yours. 
“You’ve got me there.” He admits, and sighs. But he doesn’t release you like you thought he would. He grips you tighter and sits up with you still in his hold. 
“What are you doing?” You ask in surprise, before you let out a squeal as he stands up making you wrap your legs around him. 
“I’m getting you coffee in a selfish way.” He smiles down at you and moves you up higher by holding you by the back of your thighs. 
“You are such an idiot.” You laugh as he walks to the kitchen and without putting you down he turns on the brand new coffeemaker he got you. 
“Yeah but you love me anyway.” He replies, walking over to the cupboard and waits for you to pick out a cup. He smiles at your choice. It’s one of those cups that has a printed photo on it. The photo is of you two when you went to the arcade, in it Jungkook is pouting while you hug a huge plushie he won for you instead of him.  Jimin had taken the photo laughing his ass off at Jungkook’s expression. You had it printed on the mug as an accessory to the new coffeemaker much to Jungkook’s amusement. 
He finally puts you down on the counter as the coffeemaker pours the coffee into your mug. He stands in between your legs playing with his shirt that you’re wearing. 
“What’s the plans for today?” He asks you.
You tilt your head a bit. “ Well I have class,” You see his expression drop, “but, I think I’ll skip today.” You finish chuckling as his face lights up. 
“Really?” He asks grinning widely.
“Yeah,” You nod, “I think I like how this morning is going too much to tear myself away from it.” You shrug as you admit it.
He smirks and leans in. “I think I’m a bad influence on you.” 
“O you don’t have to think, you’re definitely a bad influence.” You laugh before meeting his lips half-way and pulling him closer with your legs to kiss him properly. His lips are soft against yours and you relish in the feeling of this domestic moment. Something you two don’t get to do enough. 
You pull away. “But I do have plans.” You tell him.
“And what are these plans hm?” He smiles softly, tilting his head to the side in curiosity. 
You smirk. “I’m going to kidnap you for the day.” 
He holds up his hands as if your going to put handcuffs on him, pressing his wrists together. “Then I’m your prisoner for the day.” You both laugh happily. 
You weren’t lying though you do have a surprise for him today so your excited to get going after your cuddle session on the couch while you drink your coffee. 
“I didn’t think you meant we would have to go outside.” Jungkook whines as you drag him into the shower. 
“You’re going to like it I promise,” you say while you wash his hair. 
“If I don’t then you have to make dinner tonight,” he bargains and you only shake your head laughing.
You're both finally ready, after getting side tracked many times with kisses and hugs as you got dressed. 
You hold hands as you walk down to the bus stop, making puns out of the different signs you see as you walk past. You finally get on the bus and you make up stories for the other people on it. 
“I promise he is going to dispose of a body look at the size of that bag.” You whisper, gesturing to the man in front who has a bag so big it takes up a whole seat next to him. 
Jungkook laughs and shakes his head. “ The girl behind him probably helped him kill the person.” He gestures to the person sitting behind the man.
You snort, “You mean the old woman who has a basket filled with flowers?” 
“Hey, you should have seen the look she gave me when we got on.” He justifies himself, staring at you while you laugh. 
“Why are you staring at me?” You ask, your laugh now only a chuckle.
“How can I not,” He wraps his arm around you and pulls you into him. “You’re just so god damn beautiful.” 
You blush and turn your face away from him , but he already saw your blush and when you glance at him he smiles at you satisfied at making you blush. 
You finally arrive at your stop and you pull Jungkook along down the street to your destination. 
He gasps when he sees where you brought him. 
You turn back to him smiling. “See I knew you’d love it.” You gloat.
The park is situated right by a river and the wildflowers are blooming in patches swaying softly in the breeze. The big trees cast shade over the green lush grass. You had remembered how he described what his mom told him so you had Google searched for hours to find the right place to bring him to.
You walk to a big tree close to the river and then demand the bag he has been carrying. You pull out a blanket and spread it onto the grass while Jungkook discovers the snacks you packed.  
You spend the day laying on the blanket, eating the snacks and ice cream from a stall nearby. You try to find shapes in the clouds, and every now and again have to tilt the other’s head to make them see it the way you are. 
“That is definitely not a rabbit Kook, that is obviously a duck.” You giggle from your spot on his lap as he keeps on insisting the cloud is a bunny. 
“Just tilt your head more to the left and close your eyes and then it is definitely a bunny.” Jungkook says and you laugh hard. 
You get an idea. “Here let me show you something.” You get up holding out your hand for him to take, he smiles and takes it happily. 
You pull him over to the patch of wildflowers closest to you, and bend down starting to pick some. “What are you doing?” He asks but follows your example all the same. 
“Just wait.” You say as you bring the bouquets back to your blanket. You sit down and pick out a few from different colours and start weaving them together. Jungkook just sits and watches you and when you finally hold up the finished flower crown he grins. 
“Here,” you lean over placing it onto his head. “Now you’re my prince.” You laugh and he giggles when you take a photo of him.
You spend a few minutes showing him how to make one of his own and soon you’re sporting his creation too. You grin into the camera as he takes photo after photo of you. It turns into a mini photoshoot as he smiles and directs you how to pose. 
Finally you sit leaning your head on his chest as you watch the sunset over the river. 
“Y/n?” He says softly and you hum letting him know that you’re listening. “Thank you.” 
His voice makes you remove your head from his shoulder looking at him. “It’s a pleasure Kook.” 
He shakes his head bringing his hand up to cup your cheek. “No, not just for today for everything,” he lightly kisses your forehead leaving his lips against your skin as he whispers, “I love you so much.” 
You grin at him. “I love you too. ”You whisper back. You sit like that for a moment until you hear him gasp.
You open your eyes and see the green flickers rising up from the ground. 
“Fireflies.” Jungkook whispers and you smile softly at him. 
You watch his eyes light up as they follow the little bugs. He turns to you with slighty glossy eyes. “You remembered?” He asks softly.
“I thought since she couldn’t take you some place like this I thought I would.” You say placing your hand over his. 
He stays quiet and for a second looking out at the river as the fireflies light op the night and you start to wonder if you overstepped. But then he looks at you with a huge smile. 
“She would have loved you.” He says a small tear escaping his eye and running down his cheek. You wipe it away with your thumb. You smile sadly at him, and he wraps his arm around you pulling you close to him as you both watch the little flickers dance across the water. The scent of the wildflowers entangling itself in the moment. 
You sit like that speaking softly, as if you were to speak normally it would break the moment, until it starts getting cold. So you pack up and with Jungkook’s jacket over your shoulders you make your way back onto the bus. 
The drive back is peaceful as you watch the scenery pass by the windows. He holds you close to him the entire time, talking about plans to go back to the park in a few weeks.
When you finally cross the threshold of your apartment, he pulls you into a soft hug and drag you to the couch for a movie. The movie plays softly while you two talk, talks about plans for the holidays that he wants to spend with your family, and if you’d like to meet his hyungs and spend new year with them. You talk about the future together like you never had before, long past the end of this year or even the years after that.
You lay with your head on his chest as you listen to his voice, and when you close your eyes you can see your whole life with Jungkook. Walking to him down an isle in a white dress, sitting and drinking coffee at little shops up and down the coast, travelling to different countries with him, and one day looking over a river on a porch somewhere with him by your side, grey haired and wrinkled faced. The thoughts of his job or the implications it may have on your future pushed away by the softness of the moment.
You smile as the last things you hear before you fall asleep is his whispered words. “I can see my  forever in your eyes Y/n.”
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You know you shouldn’t be walking home in the dark, but you didn’t want to trouble Jungkook. He’s on an important mission with Jimin and Yoongi apparently. The details you of course know nothing about, he never tells you anything of what they are doing. On some level, you guess it you’re glad you don’t have to hear it but on another, it makes you anxious to not know what is happening, and if he is in danger. 
You scoff, of course, he’s in danger. Every time he leaves for missions or meetings he’s in danger and it makes you lay awake unable to sleep until you feel him crawl into bed next to you. Only then when he pulls you closer can you finally fall asleep. 
Your phone vibrates and you pull it out of your pocket to check. You smile softly at your lockscreen the picture of him with his flower crown from that day at the park. You look at the text, it’s your mother reminding you of the games night tomorrow that you and Jungkook said you’ll attend. He confessed to you that he loves spending time with your family and although he doesn’t say it and you’ll never ask if it’s true, you know it’s because he never really had a family dynamic like yours.
 So even if Lilly goes overboard and bombards him with questions and your mother fusses over  him and makes him eat all the experimental food she made, or your father having long boring talks with him, he always smiles and when you look closely you see a sadness in his eyes when you have to leave. 
He’s told you multiple times that the members are his family and that they can all be themselves at home, and you believe him fully. You just think that he finds some normality in spending time with your family that he can’t always find with them. 
You reply your mom and put your phone away, you know you shouldn’t walk with it out, and it’s almost dead anyway. 
With your focus back on the streets you can’t help but feel the forever paranoia sinking in. You’ve gotten used to walking at night with Jungkook by your side, swinging your intertwined hands back and forth and talking to you about his hyungs and what they have been up to. He only tells you the domestic things of course, but you sometimes wonder about what their roles actually are in the mafia. You know they are all part of the inner circle and that Namjoon is the leader but other than that he keeps the information about that side of their lives secret.
You sigh. Your life really is strange, but to be honest as long as Jungkook is in it you don’t mind too much. Which is probably a stupid thing, him being a criminal should be the biggest red flag you have ever seen in a person but you know what lies beneath it all so you don’t mind too much being a stupid bull and running into it head on. 
You hear footsteps behind you and you sneakily look over your shoulder to see someone following you. No, they are just walking Y/n, not following, it’s okay not everyone is out to get you. 
You turn back to the front continuing on your journey home. Your apartment only a block away and you know a sticky note will be waiting for you with a sweet message probably adding to not get kidnapped or something. 
You smile, only to let it drop when you see a man lingering on the wall next to an alley. You still hear footsteps behind you too. You bite your lip and take a deep breath in deciding to cross the street instead just to be safe. 
Just as you step off the curb the man in front of you starts walking towards you. You look back and see the man behind you walking faster now. You throw caution into the wind and quickly walk to the other side of the street, your heart racing when you realise both men are following you. 
You decide fuck it and start running scared out of your wits now, you pull out your phone to call Jungkook, but just as you press the call button a van almost hits you as you cross the street. You stare into the headlights frozen and say sorry walking past quickly only for it to stop behind you. 
Before you can react the door opens and hands grab you, pulling you inside. You scream but a hand over your mouth stops the sound. The door sliding closed.
“Hey baby, I’m on my way home.” You hear Jungkook answer your call. You thrash and kick at the man holding you, the van is moving now and you’re forced to sit down. 
“Y/n?” Jungkook questions worry in his tone. 
You bite down hard at the hand over your mouth. The man gasps and lets go of your mouth, startled by your bite. 
“Jungkook help!” You scream before someone picks up the phone. 
“Y/n ?!” You hear Jungkook scream over the phone before the person holding it hangs up. 
You stare up as the phone’s light illuminates the person’s face and you feel a cold wave travel through your body. 
“Well hello Y/n” he smirks, “Fancy meeting you here.” 
You just stare at his face, Damion looking down at you. Before you feel a hard pain in your head and everything fades to black.
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You're woken up by a fist hitting your face. You groan in pain, trying to move away, but you feel your hands tied behind the chair you’re sitting on. The rope cuts into your wrists as you try to move.
You open your eyes, your blurry vision taking in your surroundings. You’re tied to a chair in the middle of an open space what you assume is a warehouse. The brick walls and concrete floor give it away. You see it’s staring to become light outside now, the sun almost rising. That means you’ve been missing for about 10 hours now.
“Welcome back Y/n.” You look up at Damion leaning on the wall in front of you. He slowly make his way over to you and kneels in front of you. 
“What do you want?”  You glare at him but you can see that he is aware of the panic sinking into your bones. You have no idea how you’re going to get out of this.
“I just want to have a chat,” he grips your bruised face and you flinch as he turns it to the side, inspecting the bruises and digging his fingers into them. “Just like the one I had with your little boyfriend when he called back. He was so worried.” Damion pouts and wipes at something on your forehead, his thumb coming back red from blood that must still be there from when they knocked you out. 
Judging by the pounding in your head you’re sure you have a concussion, if not you’re definitely on your way to one if they keep hitting you. 
“Jungkook will find me.” You say, certain of your words as you rip your face out of his grasp. 
“O no don’t fret, I’m counting on it.” Damion stands up walking a few feet back. “And what will he do when he sees you in this condition I wonder.” 
“What?” You question before someone hits you again. You taste blood in your mouth and you spit it out to the side. Damion comes back kneeling before you again but this time with a knife, he presses it against your cheek.
“You see Y/n, we, as in my organisation, have been looking for a way to get to Bangtan for a while now.” He trails the knife down to your collarbone. “And imagine my surprise when I found you, the little weakness to the most feared maknae.” he presses down on the knife cutting into your flesh and you scream as he drags it down. 
“You won’t be able to fight him off.” You say through the pain and he widen his eyes at you. 
“O we’re not planning to fight him off Y/n.” You frown at his words, but scream again as he cuts into your arm deeply, dragging the knife from your upper arm to your elbow. You can almost count the number of stitches you’ll need as the knife tears through your flesh.
“You see,” he smiles at you as if he didn’t just cut you, “we want to do something much worse.” 
He steps away wiping the blood off the knife with a cloth that one of the other men bring him. 
“And you little dove,” He bends down to be on your eye level, “are going to help us break him.” 
“I will never help you.” You spit out. 
He chuckles as one of the men brings something over. “I think you’ll change your mind about that.”
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Jungkook’s POV
His breathing is ragged as he slips past another guard. He feels the adrenaline pumping through his veins, his phone vibrating continuously as the others try to reach him. 
He can still hear your scream for help ringing in his ears, and the taunting words of Damion after that. 
How had he been so stupid? To let you out of his sight, no, how could he not have known one of their enemies were so close? 
Yoongi had raced home faster than ever after Jungkook told them what happened. Jimin’s face was hard as he spoke on the phone to Namjoon. Everyone met in the library. Jungkook knows he had screamed a lot especially when they weren’t working as fast as he wanted them to. All he could think about was the fact that you were alone with those men doing who knows what to you. You could be dead for all he knows. The thought still making tears bubble in his sinuses. No, you’re not he will find you and take you, wrap you up and make you some coffee and hope with everything in him that you won’t leave him after this. 
He runs past another hallway, flattening himself against a pillar as two men walk past going the other way. 
He came alone. He knows the others are following but he couldn’t wait so when Yoongi had finally found your location from your phone Jungkook had rushed out without thinking twice. He ignored the others or the rational part of him that kept whispering that this was too easy. It was too easy to find you, but he doesn’t give a shit as long as he can just find you and have you in his arms again. 
Even before you two were actually friends he had vowed to himself to keep you safe. His little roommate with her forever playing true crime videos and pens sticking out of her hair as she studies so hard. He always had a lower member follow you at night to make sure you got home safe. After you became closer he took over that role happily. You were so precious, so sweet how could he not have tried to keep you away from the bad things in the world, the girl who had patched him up when he came home half-dead, the girl that took him to see the fireflies, the girl that he loves. Even when he told you the truth he promised himself he will try to keep you as far away from everything bad surrounding him daily to, ironically,  avoid a situation like this.
He peeks around a corner to see two men guarding a door. He assumes that’s where you are. 
“She stopped screaming huh?” One of the men comments and Jungkook can feel anger like he’s never felt before rise up inside him. 
He sneaks closer using pillars and shadows as cover until he is close enough. He jumps out catching them by surprise because they both drop to the floor a few moments later, knocked out or dead he’s not sure and he doesn’t care right now.
He slowly opens the door, scanning all around before realising it is empty except for you tied to a chair, your head hanging forward. 
He rushes forward, you barely acknowledge his presence, only groaning lightly. He cuts the ropes holding your hands. The bruises are a deep purple around your wrists. He also takes note of the cuts on your arm and collarbone and it makes him sick. How could he have let this happen to you? 
“Hey baby,” Jungkook kneels before you, lifting your head up to look at you, he bares his teeth at the bruises covering your face, you flinch away from his touch before opening your eyes. Recognition swim in them as you fall forward into his shoulder. 
“O Jungkook.” You whisper into his neck.
“I know baby, but we have to get out of here okay, the others are on their way.” He says in a hushed voice, knowing that the sooner he gets you away the less violence you’ll have to see. And there will be violence, nobody touches you and gets away with it.
 He tries to get you to move but you don’t budge. 
“You have to leave.” You say softly, lifting your head up from his neck.
“What?” He frowns in confusion. “Y/n I’m not leaving you here.” 
“Please,” You beg, “You have to go.” You shove at him to try and make him move.
“Y/n…” Jungkook stares at the state you're in, trying to shove him away from you before you still. He sees your pleading eyes move from his, to look over his shoulder. He follows your gazeand is met with Damion and about a dozen men standing with him. 
“Welcome Jungkook.” Damion’s opens his arms wide, smiling. Jungkook moves infront of you to shield you. 
“You have me now, so let her go.” He growls out to the narcissistic man in front of him. He knows he can take them all, he’s done it before. There is a reason people are scared of him. He just wants to make sure you’re safe first.
“She can go,” Damion waves his hand and smiles. “But you want to do something first don’t you Y/n?” 
Jungkook frowns as you stand up behind him, you don’t look at him as you walk past him into Damion’s outstretched arms . 
Jungkook is frozen as he watch you walk away from him. He doesn’t even realise the two men that are grabbing onto him before they force him to his knees. His eyes don't leave your figure in the arms of the enemy. Why would you go to him so easily?
Damion hands you something and it takes him a second to realise it’s a gun. “Now just like I told you to do okay?” Damion says into your ear, his arm turning you around and Jungkook struggles at the sight of his hands on you. Damion smiles sinisterly at him from behind you.
You slowly walk to Jungkook, tears stream down your face and Jungkook frowns. What are you doing? He struggles to get to his feet, now that you have a gun he can use it to help him fight these men off. 
“Y/n?” He asks trying to have you explain to him what the fuck is happening, because he feels like he is going insane. 
“I’m sorry Jungkook.” You whimper, and Jungkook stops struggling as you slowly, as if in slow motion, raise the gun pointing it at his head. 
He stares at the barrel of the gun pointed at him and then at your face. You’re crying but there is a certain determination in them that he doesn’t understand. He can feel his heart breaking as he realise what is happening. 
You are betraying him. 
“Y/n why?” He asks his voice cracking, staring up at you. He is shocked, frozen in place. He knows he can fight back but it’s like all the fight has left him.  “ Please I love you.” He begs.
You bite your lip, wiping your tears away with your cut arm streaking your face with blood. You cock the gun, it trembles as it points at his head, but your face is void of emotion now.
“I love you too Jungkook.” You stare directly into his eyes, “ but sometimes, somethings matter more.” 
A/N Okay don’t kill me! I am planning a sequel so you can all stop screaming. I hope you did enjoy their little awkward strange love story. 
Please let me know your thoughts!
taglist: @scuzmunkie​
609 notes · View notes
thethirdromana · 3 months
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Jenna's costumes, rated
By actual popular demand (of at least one person), here are my thoughts on Jenna's Blake's 7 costumes, from the sublime to the very, very 70s.
Screengrabs from here (they prefer their images copied, not linked) and record of what Jenna wears when from here. And if you want more Blake's 7 costume snark (mixed with some love), here are Avon and Servalan.
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As seen in The Way Back, Space Fall and Cygnus Alpha.
Not many decent screengrabs of this one, which is a pity since it's one of my favourite early Jenna costumes. It's delicate and pretty at a point when all the other characters are wearing something rough and practical, which helps to sell the idea that Jenna the smuggler was a cut above the ordinary criminals she's locked up with. I would wear this. 8/10.
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As seen in Cygnus Alpha, Time Squad, Seek-Locate-Destroy and Breakdown.
Well, the pretty costume was nice while it lasted. The pattern Jenna is wearing here is one I would associate primarily with ironing boards or perhaps baby-led weaning. It has a wipe-clean air to it. The collar adds to the overall playschool vibe. 0/10, I hate it.
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As seen in The Web and Mission to Destiny.
Something I don't understand is why most of the costumes on Blake's 7 are beautifully constructed (look at anything Servalan wears) and then there's this. It's an unremarkable red dress with random bits stuck to it. The weird collar bits, made from leftover fabric from Jenna's previous weird collar, look like they would come off if you tugged on them, or chanced this in a hot wash. 4/10.
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As seen in Duel, Project Avalon and Deliverance.
Matching outfits!! I'm torn, Jenna is very much losing the cool smuggler vibe at this point in favour of being the Designated Girl, and the fact that she gets the pink power ranger costume doesn't help with that impression. On the other hand, this is a gorgeous piece of costume design: plausible, flattering, well-constructed. Jenna, Blake and Gan are all looking great here. So, reluctantly, I have to approve. 8/10.
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As seen in Duel, Project Avalon, Project Avalon, Bounty and Deliverance.
There are a few clothing trends I've never quite understood. Jumper dresses with cutouts. Peep toe boots. Cold shoulder tops. The clue is in the name; I don't understand the circumstances under which you would want to wear what is otherwise a warm and cosy item of clothing that randomly leaves some part of you to freeze. I would otherwise like this fun, futuristic space-y top, but all I can think of when I look at it is this: aren't her arms getting cold? 6/10.
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As seen in Orac.
Simple, classic, flattering. The belt echoes her favourite necklace! I really like this, so of course Jenna only wears it for one episode. 9/10.
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As seen in Hostage and Redemption.
Ack, I should like this one. We're getting a lovely sense of Grim Future fashion trends here in the repetition of batwing sleeves and belted tunics. She looks comfortable and sophisticated. Stylish Smuggler Jenna is back! The problem is that she looks like a pearly queen and I just can't get past it. 7/10.
Also, if I might be permitted to digress: what the ever-loving fuck is Cally wearing?
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As seen in Shadow.
It says something about how Blake's 7 treated its female cast that I couldn't find a screenshot of this costume where Jenna was the focus of the frame. And it's such a pity because I really like this. It has all the same things going on as the pearly queen outfit minus the pearly queen-ness. 9/10.
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As seen in Weapon, Pressure Point and Countdown.
I think I might have been watching too much of Rosamund Pike in the Wheel of Time, because I love this costume. I admit that the vibes are all wrong: this is a dress for an aristocratic sorceress, not a floaty tunic for a high-class smuggler, but I simply don't care, it looks fabulous. 15/10, fight me.
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As seen in Horizon and Pressure Point (pink) and in Killer (blue).
It's February 1979, Abba are at number 2 in the UK singles chart with Chiquitita, and don't we know it from Jenna's costume choices. Jenna's outfits are that bit too much of their time for me to love them (and the contrast with Blake's Robin Hood chic isn't helping), but there's definitely an extra point here for her silver boots. 7/10.
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As seen in Trial, Voice From the Past, The Keeper and Star One.
It's time for the biker leathers and for Jenna to wear a different necklace! Amazing that it's taken her this long to get on board with the leather trend that Avon was on since Time Squad. She must have squeaked her way across the Liberator in this but she makes it look so cool. 10/10, glad she got so much use of this one.
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As seen in Gambit.
This is a poor imitation of the blue sorceress dress, unfortunately. Deep colours look great on Jenna but black is too severe. Should have given this costume to Servalan instead. 5/10.
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As seen in The Keeper.
And we end with another red dress with bits stuck to it, except that Jenna, by now very much being treated as eye candy, has a lot more cleavage on display. But instead my eye is drawn to the Art Deco fish pattern she seems to be wearing like a sporran. Blake's 7 costume design: never knowingly unbaffling. 6/10.
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bones-of-a-rabbit · 7 months
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infodumps abt a new au idea (the demon-familiars au, or the un-familiars au)
TL,DR: Reader is a witch/wizard hired by a town to handle a poltergeist/demon problem (Vanny has a cult and is trying to summon demons lol), but they aren't very good at being a witch/wizard and after a bunch of 'throwing things at the wall to see if anything sticks' and absolutely nothing working, they, in a panic, kind of accidentally summon Sun and Moon, who are equally shocked to see them and after a bunch of staring at each other like ?????????? reader ropes Sun and Moon into helping them and hides them in plain sight as their 'familiars' until they've taken care of the demonic cult problem, promising to send them home as soon as things are ok again. PLOT TWIST THEY GET ATTACHED TO EACH OTHER AND KISS PROBABLY HAHAHAAAAAA
(the long initial ramblings/brainstorming i did w the space aces in discord is copy-pasted below, if anyone wants only vaguely coherent ideas n concepts abt this au and ur willing to torture urself, go nuts w it ig lol)
taken directly from the space aces discord, i present: the reason all of my aus are barely coherent and somehow overly thought through and barebones all at once, as shown by the following example (unfamiliars au edition)
weird silly demons/familiars Sun Moon au where Reader is a (less than talented) amateur witch/wizard trying to lie themselves into a position of relative security (bc theyve had to move three different times bc towns shun n drive away witches/wizards that proves to be unhelpful) and they werent actually trying to summon sun n moon so they end up getting them involved in their scheme but oops there is some kind of other demonic threat that is actually a big problem and oops oops now we have to seriously work together to not get killed by the other eviller demon or the cult summoning it while also fooling the townsfolk into thinking that u r competent and have everything under control
Sun and Moon, a couple of demons just chilling when suddenly summoned to the material world: what in the heck Reader, having just performed a spell/ritual they've never read the instructions for backwards and facing the wrong cardinal direction: SHUT UP AND PRETEND TO BE MY FAMILIAR FOR A MINUTE OR WE ARE BOTH GONNA GET KILLED, BURNING-ON-A-CROSS STYLE
hhhgj i just had. a rlly sappy idea for the 'familiars' part
basically like. witches n wizards naturally end up casting their own 'summoning' spell for their familiar at some point, most of th time when they are really starting to understand and control their magic? so to see a witch or wizard without one it's like 'wow they're a beginner' or 'something is wrong with them, why dont they have a familiar??'
so Reader asks Sun n Moon to pretend to be their familiars partly bc 'uh oh i summoned two whole entire demons without even meaning to i have to make this look intentional' and 'if i have a familiar the people will assume im a Real Witch/Wizard and respect me more'
and at one point when they r getting to be like, actual friends instead of 'weird roommates', Sun gets curious bc ofc he does
Sun: Soooo,, we're your pretend-familiars? Reader: Yea Sun: Sooooooooo,, do u not have a familiar? I've never heard of a wizard with no familiar Reader, visibly upset/disappointed (in themselves): Yeah, well, it turns out it's only the witches and wizards with actual skills that can summon familiars. So. Couldn't tell you if I've got one or not, I've never managed a proper summoning spell. Sun, foot in his mouth: oh,, Reader: Yep.
and then later. It turns out. There are ways to make a demon into a familiar! Turns out in the distant past some wizards used to make demons they frequently summoned for spell/magic services into familiars bc it was way easier than just doing the entire summoning ritual every single time
but at this point, Reader and Sun n Moon are close enough to be good friends, and Reader doesnt want to force that kind of permanent connection on them, they probably just want to go home, theyre probably sick of being here and being around u, and,,, u get the idea
and Sun n Moon dont wanna force that kind of permanent connection on YOU bc what if ur sick of them, or ur tired of feeding and housing them or putting up with their jokes n bickering, or maybe after everything u really dont want anything to do with demons!!!
so there's a lot of sad pining that none of them know abt
bc ofc they r all idiots in this au sorry thems the rules
and then at some point there is some big threat/place they have to go to, or maybe Reader gets injured in a fight, idk take ur pick, anyway in a heat of the moment panic Moon is like 'HEY U WANT US TO BE UR FAMILIARS RIGHT??' and reader like barely conscious is like 'w??? yea??????' thinkin he means the pretend thing theyve had going on
anyway spur of the moment/'im doing this to save ur life bc i love u' familiar binding spell/ritual performed BAM now ur stuck together
and when everything is calm again n the fighting is over reader looks at Moon and is like 'so ur like,, my actual familiar now,,' and Moon, sweating bullets, unsure if this is rlly what u wanted or if u went with it out of fear of dying, is like 'yyyyyyyyyes?'
and reader starts bawling their eyes out and kisses him bc this is like. th dream scenario to u
anyway reader n sun n moon are th worlds least likely wizard/familiars combo but somehow they r absolutely unstoppable together thank u for coming to my tedtalk
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melonsap · 10 months
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I've seen some Reddit refugee PSAs going around, so I thought I'd contribute a few tips of my own that I haven't seen covered:
If you go to the original iteration of your post (not any subsequent reblogs, your ORIGINAL post) you can delete any comments you don't like. This does not apply to text added by reblog, only to the message bubble section.
Ublock Origin has trouble figuring out which parts of desktop to get rid of. If you want to delete a certain element (for example, the store widget), and your usual method isn't working, what you want to do is: - Right-click - Inspect Element/Inspect (Q) - Look at the thing that's highlighted, then go all the way up until you hit the nearest "div = class" marker - Right-click - Hover over "Copy," then pick "CSS Selector" - Click your Ublock extension icon - Click the gears - Find a blank space on the list that pops up and type "www.tumblr.com##" without the quotes - Paste whatever you copied with CSS Selector after that, with no space between it and the ## - Click "Apply changes"
You can hide your follower lists and liked lists. This is actively encouraged. Desktop solution: - Account (the person icon in the corner) - Scroll down until you find your blog name and click "Blog Settings" - Scroll through the page that pops up until you find "Share posts you like" and "Share the Tumblrs you're following" and toggle them off. This is the 3rd and 4th section of that page for me, respectively Mobile solution: - Your blog (the person icon in the bottom right corner) - Settings (gear in the top right corner) - Scroll down to "Pages" - Toggle "Likes" and "Following"
Desktop only: Left your Tumblr logged in on someone else's phone/computer? Worried about account security? No problem! - Account (the person icon in the corner) - Settings (NOT Blog Settings. Just Settings. It has a gear icon) - Scroll all the way to the bottom - You have a list of any logins that have happened on your account. They come with the IP addresses used to access it. It tells you where it happened, and from what operating system. Deleting those with the X next to the listing logs that iteration out. If you have any on that list that you DON'T recognize, I recommend logging them out and changing your password. Note: It says the list is only for the past 30 days. This is a lie. I have some that date back over a year.
Desktop only: You can make gradient text in your posts by following these instructions.
If your post has been blowing up and you're sick of the notifications, deleting the original post will delete its notes from your activity. THIS CANNOT BE UNDONE. If you would still like to check on the post, just not have it in your activity, reblog it before deleting it. You can continue to check the notes tab from the reblog while the original is gone.
It is common etiquette to tag spoilers for new games/shows/etc (ie, released in the last two months) as #[insert fandom here] spoilers, sensitive subjects as #[insert sensitive topic] tw, and long posts as #long post. Yes, even if you have a readmore (which you can add by clicking the weird squiggly line when you start a new block).
There is a bug on desktop involving readmore lines. Whenever you go back to edit a post that has a readmore in it, it moves the readmore down by one block. Make sure you move it back into its proper place each time by clicking and dragging.
You can click and drag different blocks of text to reorder them. Only regular blocks, though; not lists like this one. You can also do this with images you've inserted.
Desktop only: You can delete/remove tags/add tags en masse to posts using the Mass Post Editor. - Account (person icon in the corner) - Scroll down to your blog - Mass Post Editor - Select any posts in the grid you want. "Edit tags" is only for removing tags, you need "Add tags" to add more
Desktop only: You can see any blog's history of posts by typing in [blogname].tumblr.com/archive. The page that pops up looks very similar to the Mass Post Editor. You can filter posts on that blog by any of their most used tags, by month, or by post type. This is especially useful for locating pornbots. Some pornbots will try to legitimize their place by picking a random popular tag (for example, #horror) and reblogging the top 10-100 posts in that tag without commentary. See if they've been active for more than week with the archive month filter. Granted, the person may also be a new user, like yourself. It takes some deduction. But it's much easier to use the archive than it is to scroll through all of their posts until you hit the bottom.
Desktop only shortcuts: J = move down one post. Useful for scrolling fast or getting past a notoriously long post (as in "Do you like the color of the sky" and all its cousins) K = move up one post Shift + R = reblog a post. Does not add tags L = like a post C = create a new post (brings up options on what kind of post) . (period) = return to the top of the page Shift + Q = add a post to your queue. Does not add tags Shift + P = cycle through the color palette
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genderqueerdykes · 11 months
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Is it weird that I'm angry about being acespec because of the asexual community doesn't feel... welcoming? I'm acespec, but a huge part of my identity is based around consensual, explicit, kinky, very much sexual pleasure and joy with myself and with my partners. And every time i enter an asexual community space, i am inundated with people who share my identity label just bashing and hating and spewing negativity about an activity that is really, really important to how I perceive myself. It's taken me years to feel comfortable with myself sexually, I grew up in a conservative household, I've heard sex shaming and kink shaming time and time again from the people around me. And now I'm acespec, in acespec spaces, and I'm hearing the exact same rhetoric from people who I would've expected to know better, being queer themselves. It makes me wish I wasn't asexual at all.
hey, i think it's totally okay to feel cheated by this, actually!
i struggled with being in the ace community for a long time for that reason- while i think it's okay for people to have a space to express having 0 sexual attraction and not enjoying sex, it's not fair for folks to assume that all asexual people actively dislike sex, and especially kink. there are loads of asexual people in kink- i socialize with a lot of kinksters and a * lot * of folks in that lifestyle are acespec. myself included!
the sex and kinkshaming definitely isn't cool and i've had an ace friend who was like that in the past. he was out as ace to all of our friends and they accepted him for being ace, but when i came out as aro, nobody respected that as a legitimate identity, i got seen as "copying" him, and he didn't have any kind of solidarity with me whatsoever. he instead just chose to shame and mock me for enjoying sex and kink, and tried to make me look like i was a bad person because of it
sex and kink can be super healthy parts of life for a lot of people, and ace/acespec people are no different. i agree with you, i think the ace community does have a long way to come in terms of making people feel welcome and accepted. i left the community after i realized. most. of the conversations were about sex, but in a negative way, and i didn't join the ace community to join the "we hate sex" club! i joined it because i want to express my unique relationship with sexuality!
i hope you can feel a bit better soon, i totally understand. sometimes i wish i wasn't aro because the community isn't really all there and i struggle feeling okay with that part of myself sometimes. i totally get what you're saying and i hope you're able to feel better, even if just with how you identify and who you are. you don't deserve to be shamed or feel bad for these important parts of who you are. take care, stay safe, good luck in the mean time, feel free to let us know if you need anything else!
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itsmealaiah · 2 months
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Can you write georg and gustav (together) with a mostly non-verbal m!reader that’s just pure fluff? Like gustav picked up sign language for reader and georg is just clueless about how they’re communicating/what they’re saying.
of course!
I don't understand
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tags/ warnings: none this is weird for me
pairing: georg x gustav x m! non-verbal reader
do not translate, post, copy and paste, or use in any capacity. May not and will not be used in any other space, website, or be linked to anywhere besides this blog.
2024 ©itsmealaiah
Georg's POV:
Seeing m/n and gustav communicating for the first time together was weird, because I had never witnessed someone expressing words? I think, with their hands and facial expressions, and I didn't understand it. Tom and bill didn't do this, they wrote down on paper what they were going to say or just said it aloud, and let m/n write it down on the same paper. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to give my best understanding of what was happening, to attempt and recognize any hand gestures. M/n was deep in the conversation it seemed, his face changing expressions every second, tongue poking his lips.
I walked over to them, and stood by gustav. "what's he saying?" I asked, curious as to what was being discussed. "Oh, he just wants to know what we're getting for dinner, he's hungry I think?" He looked back at m/n, doing the gestures again. "what the hell is that?" I huffed, and m/n's eyes widened, stopping his communication. "Hey hey hey, it's just sign language" gustav sighed, rubbing his temples as he did more of the hand signals. "I learned it for him because he's non-verbal and I didn't want him to write anything on a stupid piece of paper" he shot back, defending m/n.
"Oh" I looked down, guilt consuming my body. "Sorry" I mumbled. "can you translate that?" I questioned and gustav nodded. "he says it's fine" he relayed to me, and I glanced at m/n, seeing him smile. I returned it, a warmth spreading through my body as I sighed in relief. "can you teach me that sometime? I want to be able to understand it" I asked. "sure! it's really simple" gustav reassured, taking a place on the couch, m/n joining him as they snuggled closer together. I took a seat as well, scooting next to m/n, hugging him to still apologize. he patted my back awkwardly, and I laughed. "Can you show me how to say thank you?"
Gustav gave me the proper motions, and I copied it to the best of my ability, and m/n hugged me this time, more passion and comforting than last time, and it made me internally over the moon. I didn't deserve a friend like him, who forgave so easily.
a/n: sorry this is so short! i didn't really see this as being long because it seemed like a headcanon thing to me 😭
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thunderpounce-inc · 3 months
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figuring out how I want to do facial expressions for my transformers OC Cloudy (and deciding on the proportions of his face)
He is a test tube baby 'biomimic' based on organic animal predators (they basically reverse engineered the genetic coding of 'space wolves' or what have you and copy pasted it into a person), so I want him to feel kind of were-wolf-y
pupils omitted for now because I keep trying to draw them, and keep doing it wrong lmao. I normally draw pupils last anyway, because I find them very distracting
I think in this situation the degree to which my facial expression reading has been skewed by my rampant autistic furriness is actually kind of useful (normally it just gets me weird looks for reflexively making non-human facial expressions), since it's good for blending my understanding of human facial expressions with animal ones.
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