#the struggle within

[anothergoodtime]

Y’all ever just sit there and wonder like….

Why am I so hard to want? Hard to love?

#personal #the struggle within #trying my best here #doomed to the life of a dog lady

[blushweddinggowns]

I'm all for the angsty overhearing a conversation trope where it's all sad because of a misunderstanding. But I also love the opposite. Overhearing a conversation where the other person is just singing their praises. Especially with Steve and Eddie.

Like Steve being very aware that he likes Eddie, but way too afraid of rejection to actually do anything about it. So he just pines away, and gets closer and closer to him with the full expectation of it never going anywhere. Until one day, he comes to pick Dustin up from Hellfire too early, and he can hear everyone talking through the door. About him. But mostly it's Eddie, his loud voice carrying across the room. And he's just raving about him, and somehow managing to bring him up in conversations that have nothing to do with him.

Do you remember that time Steve saved my life by shoving my guts back into my body? Yeah, that's the level of skill and luck you're going to need to survive this.

Did you guys know that Steve actually gave me this background music? He's weirdly knowledgeable about classical stuff. Isn't that cool? He's so smart and-oh, yeah, the merchant agrees to the deal.

So uh, is Steve maybe seeing anyone? He isn't right? Like he would tell me if he was, wouldn't he?

And he doesn't give a single fuck at the collective groaning of the group whenever he gets going, never failing to pull out the I almost Died saving the world with you card to get them to shut up. And by the time it actually ends, Steve is a glowing, blushing mess who can't stop smiling.

Or the other way around. With Eddie full on assuming he has 0 shot because Steve's, Steve.

The golden boy who could obviously never be into him like that, or any other guy for that matter. So he doesn't do anything about his feelings, he just hangs out with him more and more and falls for him more and more, waiting for the inevitable day when he gets a girlfriend and his fantasies could finally die. Except one day, he spends the night at Steve's, but he isn't in bed when he wakes up. He goes to find him, just to hear him downstairs loudly talking to Robin. Because neither of them know the concept of inside voices when they're together. And he waits at the top, listening in just for the fuck of it, but mostly because he doesn't want to interrupt.

"I just feel like bed sharing the way you guys do is gay as hell," Robin sighed, "Especially at your age. Also, should we even be talking about this with him in the house?"

And before Eddie has time to freak out over that and the possibility he's gotten caught with his feelings, Steve is already answering, "I know right? And don't worry about it, he sleeps like the dead. But I don't know what to do about it. He still hasn't done anything. Am I just reading this whole thing wrong?"

"Well you could try making the first move instead of trying to trick him into doing it," Robin tried.

"And ruin our friendship incase I'm wrong? Yeah, no. Besides, I go like, full dumbass around him when I'm nervous. He's too hot. I'd probably walk into a wall in the middle of professing my undying love."

"Yeah," Robin sighed, "You probably would."

And Eddie is just having a moment upstairs. A full on I think I may have to jump for joy moment. Or even, I think I'm five seconds away from squealing like a teenage girl moment.

Yeah, I like that shit.

#steddie #steddie fic #stranger things #steddie ficlet #steve harrington #eddie munson #cutsy bullshit because im struggling so hard with my fic #i do actually love the misunderstandings trope #but i also love accidently confessing within ear shot

[umblrspectrum]

i think the idea of v finding uzis last name hilarious is a really funny one

#uzi can't even make fun of her back cause she doesn't have a last name #unless you count elliot #which i. do #so uhh ignore everything i just said #n doesn't make fun of her #and j doesn't care #but anyways yeah i had this drawn for like 3 days i just needed the motivation to digitalize it #im trying to find a way to stylize the headband so it isn't just pure yellow but im struggling #also creating the effect of her slamming her arm. #i dont know how to do that so i just did my best #sorry if it looks like dogshit #art #murder drones #murder drones uzi #murder drones v #serial designation v #im sure ill find an error somewhere within 5 minutes after posting and hate myself for it

[weepingseraphstranger]

Just a lil rant to get my feelings out

You know what's crazy? Around 2017-2018 my mom, sister, brothers and I had to move into my dad and his girlfriend's small place because we got evicted. We lived with him for about a year before finding a place. My poor baby kitty boy had to be confined to a small room.

Then we had a cat 5 hurricane come and destroy our trailer. We were homeless living in hotels for almost 2 years. I seems like we can't catch a break with housing. And this time we have so so SO much more to loose. Back then we only had two cats and then one cat since the other one escaped his carrier when we were waiting for FEMA to access our damaged trailer.

But now we have 7 beautiful kitties we've had since they were kittens (they range from 5-1 years old now), a leopard gecko, a turtle, and a dog. I could care less about my earthly possessions, but our animal babies? I don't want any of them to go through having to live in a cramped room again or having to be stuck in a car or their carriers. I just...

Why did I have to be the failure child? Why can't I just pull up my bootstraps and find a fucking job that will accept my extremely under qualified ass? Maybe if I wasn't such a disappointment I'd be able to have helped and we wouldn't be in this situation with only hours to find a solution. I don't even want to eat because I feel guilty about needing sustenance that cost money in a world where living is ultimately the most expensive thing you can even do.

I shouldn't even be alive if I can't help out my mom and sister. I'm truly useless and I'm sorry to my mom for it. She's been shit on her entire life and she's a good person meanwhile people like my dad get to be slightly better off without a risk of an eviction notice tomorrow and even get a partner who I doubt he's faithful to.

Why is the cost of living so darn high, anyway? Can't breathe without it costing five dollars anymore.

#the struggle within #my life kind of sucks tbh #excuse this self pity i don't have therapy until the 8th and i don't even know if i'll be able to make it this time #just ranting #personal rant #sorry for the rant #tw selfhate

[millennialtryingtosurvive]

June 12th 2022

Have you ever poured your heart into a single person? You felt they were part of your heart. You feel happiness from receiving a single message from them. They make you smile, laugh, cry and want to be a better person. You thought love was never ending. This love would last an eternity.

In reality, when this heart pouring started, you were the only one filling it up. You lead yourself to imagine this happy life with someone that in fact did not love you the way you loved them.

You knew this day would come. That does not make it any easier. Your soul mate loves you but doesn't love you. You know the love you thought you were growing. You buy a house , pets, vacations with families and share the same bed.

Love is painful.

Reality hits hard when you are told, " We will never be together." "I can't see myself with you."

This let down is often followed by, " you are great, it's me, not you." "Please don't hate me , we can still be friends."

Inside your world is falling apart and the last thing on your mind is being friends with someone who shattered your heart.

No Karen, I don't want to be your friend.

#heartbroken #the struggle within #struggle #mental help #mentalheathawareness #love #life #followme #tumblrlife #relationships #millennials

[beescake]

Sorry for the spam (^o^;) I just really like your blog

no need to apologize ayy!

in this corner we welcome all forms of enjoyment, regardless of whether you're a

happy to have yall here w me,

headin into homestuck 2024 :^)

#was debating if sollux truly was lurker type but then i rmbr'd him quietly reading all of karkat's memos for a good laugh HAHAHAHAAH #ask #aleemie #homestuck #karkat vantas #sollux captor #solkat #2024 #vioart #but o. regarding the etiquette learned frm other socmed #spamming here is safe+good! it does not harm the op by shadowbanning like instagram #and its not 💀 like twitter where ur likes/following are permanently set to public #ur tumblr experience is within ur control it can be as free/empty/curated as u want!! #((tho ofc i do encourage rbing for ppl who've been hoping to start that habit!! #s'cool to slowly work ur way up from the extra special posts that hv lingered longest in ur heart and quietly build ur cache trove :-) #for example back when i was struggling to rt on a new twt acc i just started setting nonsense criteria for myself LOL #like “breaking this void is scary holy fuck ok i shall start by rting posts w brownish/reddish clrs bcs its inspo vibes for my art” #and gradually after a while of deliberate sharing i gained more confidence to share a larger variety of posts that make me feel things!!!! #no more training wheels i may be scared but i love loving more!!!! #same goes for engaging w fics too it takes energy to think of how to comment and thats ok‚ do ur best to explore what works for u!!!! #take screenshots of ur fave paragraphs & start annotating in gallery/notes app if that helps!!!! #also tumblr's customizable queue means u can stack posts and bolt hgehehe. my preferred form of existing on the net))

[itsjellybone]

Actually I think all shooting games should be controlled via d-pad

#jellyclips #Clock Tower #the struggle within #survival horror #twitch

[mueritos]

i hope we continue to see more protests within the US military. i see a lot of leftists and folks who are anti-military who have such an open disdain for the people who are in the military, yet neglect to considering the conditions this country makes to produce ideology, poverty, and the illusion of choice to make all kinds of people choose to enlist in the military. You ever see those videos of ROTC kids recording each other asking why they joined the military and everyone's like, "healthcare", "it helped me go to college", "I was bored" or "free ptsd lol". I hate to remind everyone but folks who are in the military are people, too, and they are the same victims and perpetrators of violence as the rest of you, we have all been shallowly conditioned to view each other as enemies just because one person is wearing army greens and the other is not.

some of the biggest anti-war advocates are those who engaged in war. Veterans who genuinely believed they were protecting the US against "terrorism" come back with blood on their hands, and they choose to realize that it was US imperialism that forced them to carry out violence, instead of doubling down and shielding themselves from the fact that they too are capable of atrocities... This is a class of people who are intentionally conditioned to be as poor and as ideologically aligned to US imperialism so that the military has a never-ending pool to send their youth to destroy other country's youth. The only people I have ever heard say "do not join the military" are those who ARE military.

This is in no way to ever excuse or explain away any of the atrocious war crimes and violence this industry and its people have committed against others. What I am saying is that we absolutely cannot cast aside the individuals who have been victimized within US imperialism, even if they are wearing army greens. I was speaking with my Palestinian classmate last week and another classmate--a member of the US air force-- walked up to me and struck up a conversation. My military classmate showed me her new bird, bid both of us goodbye, and left. My Palestinian classmate asked me if I was close with her, and I said we talked quite often, and she said, "I never met a person who's in the military. I still hate the military, but I never knew that they did, too. I didn't realize that they were also victims."

If my Palestinian classmate--one who is actively watching her own community die--can understand that it is not individuals who are the problem but it is in fact systems, US imperialism, white supremacy, capitalism...why can't we all? And she has EVERY reason to hate any individual military member. A lot of online activism just creates more barriers. if your optics look bad, complicated, or contradictory, you are cast aside. Everyone has got the be the perfect activist, you can never make a mistake or share a half-baked thought, you should always believe every word from a marginalized persons mouth (because being marginalized doesn't mean you're not entrenched in white supremacy too!) and you should never question what you see...Do you know what you sound like? The very imperialists who are convincing poor whites to vote against themselves. Perfectionism is white supremacy. Black & white thinking is white supremacy.

I'd rather have a military member who genuinely believed in the US imperialism machine but was disillusioned after being deployed as my comrade than some leftist who cherishes the performance of "being a good person". I don't want "good people" in our movements. I want humans who care. I want humans who make mistakes and who learn from them. I want humans who accept the messiness of a person. I want humans who hold others accountable and allow themselves to take responsibility for their actions. I want people who change for themselves and others.

fight systems, not individual people. we can change each other, but if we're too preoccupied looking like the World's Perfect Activists, we will only consume each other alive. Connect to your fellow humans, forever and always.

#muertotalks #a mind dump after seeing so much come out after the self immolation of the us air force member #i know hes not the first one to self immolate for palestine #and he might not be the last #i hate the military #i really fucking do #but i choose to see the people within them as victims within the overall system just like the rest of us #i will never go through what they did to make them choose to enlist #i never struggled with poverty homelessness healthcare or social acceptance #i wont shame them #shame is not productive #i want them to know there are civilians who support their protests #i want them to know that we their allies too #a note on my palestinian classmate #if youre arab or also a colonized person impacted by the us military feel free to hate every member of the military #i dont intend to police yall in how you choose to feel your anger #im angry with you #the point i mean to make is about understanding and compassion #someone who has every right to hate these people still chose to see them as the people they are #yes i even want the best for the “bad” people in the military too #i dont want these people to continue the ideology but we cant stop that without dismantling these systems #and we cant do that without creating spaces for healing and reform and growth #so many thoughts so many thoughts #none of this is easy #i fight daily against impulsively hating the world #everyday is a fight to choose compassion and understanding #but being a leftist and doing leftism is not fucking easy #if you genuinely think it is it isnt #and you may be missing the point of what leftism is #anyway

[antianakin]

TOTJ: The other Jedi all died because they didn't have Anakin's super special clone blocking endurance training he gave Ahsoka.

TCW: Rex is able to hesitate for about 10 seconds extra after he gets the order, which allows him to give Ahsoka a warning before anyone starts shooting that literally no other Jedi is able to have. This also has the double effect of giving Ahsoka access to information that allows her to know she can reclaim Rex as an ally if she can just remove the chip somehow, something no other Jedi is able to have.

#totj #tales of the jedi #ahsoka tano #the clone wars #tcw #captain rex #totj spoilers #tales of the jedi spoilers #literally most of the jedi are shot at within like 5 seconds of the clones getting the order IF THAT which means they have no time to react #THAT'S why they die #ahsoka gets a very handy warning and 10 extra seconds of no one shooting at her to figure out what's going on #she can see rex struggling #she can tell he's being controlled but that he can't hold on forever and WILL eventually start shooting #which is essential knowledge for her ability to not get shot immediately #if rex hadn't been able to hesitate the way he does #ahsoka would've been shot to death on that bridge just the same as everyone else

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

[Ivan slammed the door behind him, throwing his keys carelessly upon the counter; clearly, he was still angry] Ivan: Shouldn’t you be workin’? Bruno: I’m not gonna bother today. Ivan: ‘Cause you’re hungover? Bruno: Uh-huh. Ivan: Where the fuck were y’last night-.. n’ why the hell were you drunk? Bruno: Which question is more pertinent? Ivan: Both of ‘em. Bruno: I bumped into Darien; he had nice scotch. Ivan: The fuck is goin’ on with you, B? Bruno: You don’t care that I was with Darien? Ivan: Wha-.. no, I ain’t got a problem with him, okay? He’s fine. You clearly ain’t! Bruno: He might not be fine for all we know… Ivan: The fuck has that got t’do with anythin’? I meant I don’t care-.. you know what I fuckin’ meant! [Bruno’s eyes scrunched shut involuntarily as the decibel of Ivan’s voice steadily increased] Ivan: If y’didn’t want me t’yell, y’shouldn’t be actin’ like such a fuckin’ twat. [Bruno couldn’t help but chuckle, he had a good point…] Ivan: Don’t laugh-.. the hell is wrong with you lately? Bruno: I don’t know. Ivan: Well.. if y’could figure it out whilst I’m at work, that’d be great. Bruno: I think I’m bored… [Ivan stopped his pacing, turning to stare at Bruno incredulously] Ivan: Bored..? [Bruno remained silent, jaw nestled calmly in his palm as he widened his eyes in a brief, wordless shrug] Ivan: You’re fuckin’ bored-.. are you havin’ a laugh? The fuck are y’bored with, me?! Bruno: No. [Ivan scoffed as he threw his hands up helplessly, unsure what to make of Bruno’s sudden, blunt answers] Ivan: Y’know, this kinda thing is fuckin’-… [Ivan spluttered as he threw an accusing finger first toward himself, then Bruno] Ivan: This sorta shit is usually what makes me-… Bruno: What? Give up n’ find someone else? Ivan: … Bruno: I didn’t mean that as an insult, I just meant-… Ivan: Fuck whatever y’meant. Bruno: Ivan… Ivan: N’ fuck you too. [Ivan refused to meet Bruno’s gaze; jaw clenched tightly. He slammed the door twice as hard as when he’d entered, a heavy silence hastily replacing his fury. Bruno wasn’t sure which was worse…]

#ts4 #sims 4 #simblr #ts4 story #sims story #forever in between #fib #bruno clarke #ivan harper #eeeeeeek #guys pls #😭 #these two have such vastly different ways of processing things within themselves -and- discussing said things #or.. not as is usual with bruno #so sorting shit out or even talking is sometimes a -struggle- #ough

[mipexch]

there's something so beautiful about rain world's art style that i can't properly put into words

#ignore the v1 mod haha #same with saints little shirt #REGARDLESS. ahhh. i understand why rain world is so loved #this game made me feel So much because of everything #the art?? the way they present things?? the Music. oh my g #i cant really go into depth without going on a long spiel about presentation within games but know rain world is very very good. it is hard #-but it is worth the struggle to experience something so genuinely beautiful #i wanted to include the echo in the undergrowth here but none of the screenshots i got were very nice looking or fit well with the rest #but i still wanted to mention it because it is so important to me #'this moment right here! it is where we are meant to be.' you are so right brother...... #ive got a lot on my plate and as much as i want to draw for rain world the most i can manage is silly stuff. consider this a stand in for- #-seriousness

[our-inspire-verse]

I always feel so out of place even in system communities. Does anyone else relate at all??

Like, idk some system memes are cool and relatable bc obviously not everything is gonna line up, but so much of it doesn't click with us.

We've almost never been put off by the voices, we all wanna communicate, we don't think less of each other or think 1 deserves more front time than anyone else, etc. Idk, there's so many memes about denial and eating each other's food and all this distress. Which is i know, a major part of many system's lives. Part of what makes a meme is the repeatability and a lot of systemhood IS struggles in that area.

But what about systems who do everything right (in the sense that we have healthy coping and such)? What about systems who unconditionally love each other and dissociative barriers are something we work around instead of fighting? What about the systems who love the voices?

#this comes off as abilistic i know im gonna get some bs from this #but listen. listen to me. ur allowed to struggle and this post isnt about/for u if ur gonna get mad or defensive #im talking systems well on their path through purposeful recovery #systems years into studying themselves and having full comfort and understanding within. full love. full acceptance. #i want memes and content that isnt medicalized and saying the same stuff over and over and over and over #all this misery. where is the system content where we're just being plural and silly. im so tired #dont even start on syscourse like its so bad in here #smells like stinky #system babbles #osdd #actually osdd #minor vent? #system posting #memes #did #actually did #actually traumatized #actually traumagenic #endo safe #syscourse dni #positivity

[lienwyn]

And here are the other two illustrations I did for the @reforgedzine! I've been wanting to do matching art nouveau illustrations for these two for a long, long time and I'm very happy I finally got a reason to do it! I really like how these turned out! :D

Also, the leftover sale for the zine has now started! So go to the website if you're interested in buying one of the zines! And you can find the AO3 collection for all the amazing fics here :D

#Winteriron #Tony Stark #Bucky Barnes #Iron Man #The Winter Soldier #James 'Bucky' Barnes #The Avengers #MCU #Marvel #Art #Fan Art #The shading on this was a bit of a struggle #In the sense that I wanted to keep it simple #But I can't keep things simple to save my life x'D #So we're settling for simpLER #Not me fluctuating wildly between styles #Within the same zine xD

[fonziqor]

and to us 🥂

#aziracrow #gomens #good omens #good omens 2 #aziracrow fanart #good omens fanart #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #azicrow #artists on tumblr #fonziart #very last minute print for a local con #sooo happy coz #i feel like i finally figured out how to draw their features within my artstyle with this one #Struggled with the food tho

[millennialtryingtosurvive]

Beaches are a happy place for many. Vacations are short and reality is too long.

#beach #happyday #happy pride 🌈 #vacation #millennials #struggle #the struggle within #life #mentalheathawareness #mental help #photography #beautiful photos

[anna-scribbles]

hey anna! the wait for kwami’s choice part 2 truly is abysmal and it’s so hard to navigate through the tag with all the leaks about, do you have any fic recs to tide us over until gloob puts us out of our misery?

not only do I have fic recs, I also have way too much to do rn and therefore will spend an inordinate amount of time crafting a detailed rec list for you 😘 (we can also just consider this my 2022 ao3 wrapped lol)

goes without saying perhaps, but ANYTHING by @peachcitt is gold and also uniquely devastating, some of my particular favorites being:

metamorphosis - 97k, enemies, sleepovers, you get it. i'm normal

those benevolent stars - 23k, ladrien thief/prince/soulmates au. what more do I even need to say

chat noir's white french man hit list for feminist purposes - 7k, hilarious and devastating, this fic is a child to me

double dare - 32k, ladrien, absolutely everything. cemented my friendship w/ peach bc I had to scream at her everyday abt it

I thought the plane was going down - 11k, attuned to my tastes specifically, adrinette having a History while on airplanes

@carpisuns also puts out banger after banger like it's her dayjob, specializing in understanding the ridiculous nature of the lovesquare to such a degree and also being the funniest person alive. some of my faves from her are:

tell me something I don't know - 120k, the marichat fic EVER, mar's dissertation on lovesquare and guess what she's right

pink - 14k wip, adrien loves marinette, SOFT

two idiots and a hamster (collab with @botherkupo) - 24k, adrinette roommates, makes me cry laugh

@picayunearts is a goddess on earth. she bends word and image flawlessly to her will. recently she has enraptured me with

final girl - 41k, marichat, au where marinette succeeds in giving up her miraculous to alya in origins. INCREDIBLE marinette character study

@rosekasa invented ladynoir and i'm not afraid to say it. check out everything on her ao3 but just note the following

when things were good - 15k wip, breakup fic/post hawkmoth takedown, has been ruining me in a SPECIAL way

new marinette 12k, post-guardianship memory loss marinette, a classic

like poles of a magnet - 12k, enemies au, hurts my feelings

ya'aburnee - 13k, ladynoir, HURTS ME VERY MUCH. I'VE NOT RECOVERED

@buggachat's fics always feel like i'm attending a course on adrien and marinette's true characterizations explained to me by someone with a PhD in lovesquare and I walk away enlightened. she has an incredible gift for storytelling and just Getting It. anyway read

maintaining a professional distance - 43k, ladynoir hotel room shenanigans, god-tier characterization

when you're near 10k, ladynoir dating but adrinette have never met, a classic

@sha-nwa should honestly quit her career and write lovesquare fanfiction for me full time. proof:

the way I loved you - 68k, marichat break up fic, will be cemented into my mind forever

photograph - 1k, sweet adrinette, abby loves making me cry

things WOULD be amiss if I did not mention @officialratprince (carolinaa on ao3) bc their fics derailed my homework schedule on several occasions last semester, though I'll be honest that their fics are not for the faint of heart or those who wish adrien agreste to have a good time. my faves are

I will take it / it can't go wrong series - 3 fics at 16k, 25k, and 39k, adrien's journey through experiencing child abuse and his friends being there for him, culminating in gabriel's court trial

home sick - 14k wip, adrien gets pneumonia and Everything Is Really Bad

other various fics I love for various reasons:

how hawkmoth got his groove back series by @agrestenoir - 2 fics at 3k and 1k, one of my favorite crack fics i read last year. had me crying laughing

1 step forward, 3 steps back by agnes writes - 10k, breaks my heart every time I read it. also makes me legitimately angry at adrien while still keeping him in character which is a feat in and of itself

the last day on earth by reiaji - 10k, chat blanc keeps happening as marinette gets older, I am incapable of not recommending this fic

okay now go forth and don't do your work<3

#such a struggle for me to hold back and not just list every single one of everyone's fics. #looking at this list I realiize that I in fact read a lot of fanfiction #I cant even find it within myself to feel cringe about it bc these are all legitimately so GOOD #ml #miraculous ladybug #ml fic rec #mlb fic rec #anna rambles #asks