The biggest achievement of life is to stay sane
In the clutches of circumstances
In the wrongful chain of events
So stay
Stay here
Stay one more moment
And breathe
The sun will shine again
I promise
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What if I want to be a e-girl/slut/ porn star?
I am so burnt out. I am so tired of the rat race. I have having to get up and work so the rich keep getting rich and everyone else just barely makes it. I’m done being “good”. I have been living in the box they put me in my whole life. “I’m a lady”. I sit properly, I never dress immodestly, I don’t try to flaunt my body. Just like they told me. People still sexualized me and tried to shame me for how my body naturally looks. I could be wearing an outfit that covers my whole body and someone will still make sexual comment on my breast or body. I can’t help how my body looks.
My parents who gave me this body would say snide little comments or out right shame me for “showing off my assets” or being fat. I can’t control how large my breast grow or how clothes sit on my body. They would get me clothes that don’t fit then, shame me for being fat. Now I look back on photos from that time and cry. I was never fat. I was thick or even chubby stuffed into ill fitting clothes. My body was developing and growing. I hated myself so much during that time that I wanted to die. It felt wrong to look the way I did. I would even been harassed by my peers if I wore something that accentuated my body. No one ever looked at me twice so I dressed frumpy to hide not only my body but the shame I felt for looking the way that I do. It was easier to tell myself that I was fat and ugly than confront the fact that the people around me failed me and set me up for failure. The day I realized I was never fat and that there was no shame in being me I broke down. I cried for hours at all the wasted time. All the times I hid from picture. The fear of eating in front of other and being seen as fat. It was like a wind blew away some of the pain and the vail lifted. Slowly but surely i began to accept myself.
I was able to admit that I love sex and have been fascinated by it since I was a kid. The porn stars/sex workers seemed beautiful and confident. They respected each other, their bodies and they made a lot of money. I thought sex work seemed a little scary but beautiful and freeing. I wished I could be as free as they were. I was a late bloomer due to the fear of being taken advantage of and from being shamed into thinking that it was wrong for a woman to want pleasure like that. I used to think I was someone who was truly unlovable due to my appearance. How could anyone love a fat girl? How could anyone want me? they only want me because of my boobs or vagina but they don’t actually want ME. Is what I used to think all the time.
I had a small porn addiction to cope with the shame of not expressing myself. I fell into debauchery just to try and figure out how to please myself. The shame of it all became part of the pleasure. It made me feel something other than disgust for myself. I was watching hardcore BDSM just to feel something, ANYTHING before I was even 12. I wanted to look and stare at their bodies, see their expression as they lost themselves to the pleasure. I was jealous and envious. I eventually figured out how to please myself by the time I was 17 and I had sex for the first time at 20. I felt so late to everything. Even now everyone tells me how men/women would love my body and how attractive it is but I still struggle to find beauty in myself. I just see all the parts I’ve wanted to cut off since I was a child and people say they love that.
I admit that I want to be a sex worker. I don’t want a 9-5 job that kills my soul. I don’t want to be a “good girl” who listens to what others tell her. I don’t want to live in the box anymore, feeling like it’s wrong to be myself. I love sex. I’m good at sex. I like sucking dick and fucking. Watching someone lose themselves to pleasure gives me pleasure. I want to be a stripper and flaunt the body I was shamed into hiding. I want to be a whore and fuck for money. I want to be a porn star and fuck beautiful people and get paid for it. I want to feel free and move past self judgment. I want to enjoy myself and get paid for it. There is no reward for being a good and moral person. I have worked so hard to live up to the standards they gave me and still failed. Even when I did everything right, followed their rules, lived the life they planned for me and I was still scolded, ignored, and neglected. I never got a reward for doing what they wanted barely even a pat on the back. Just more “advice” on how I could’ve done better.
So now I'll take things into my own hands. I’ll do what I want. I’ll be safe and smart. I’ll find mentors and go to munches to learn. I’ll do everything I want and more. I’ll love myself unconditionally. I’ll have pleasure and make money. There is nothing wrong with wanting a life for myself that no one one else in my family has. As long as I am free, happy, and paid I don’t think I need much else.
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i like to tuck my sun and moon into bed when i get out of it, but after seeing your chibi sun and moon, i think of them every time i do now hehe!!
ohhhhh this is precious! thank you for sharing with me! blowing them kisses!! sleep well, little plushies ❤️❤️❤️
the minute i saw your photo i dropped everything to draw this:
shhh
they eepy
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2.1 Spoilers
So let me get it straight.
Ratio's thought process was: "Aventurine clearly has problems. He isn't being very reasonabale about his own life and well-being. He's about to confront his tragic past. He will find himself in a very dark place (literally and figuratively).
Clearly, the only thing that can save him in his darkest hour is a note from me saying that I personally care about him (and I'll decorate it with a cute little owl)."
And it worked. Exactly as intended.
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in 5 years youre going to laugh about the times that left you nearly in shambles
you just need to make it there
you just need to make it there
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the chibis are here to boop you!
NAURRRR @crabsnpersimmons you can't just keep making them cuter and cuter !! 💥💖💖💖 THE CAT PAWS AND THE MATCHING RAINCOATS OMG CRABS!!! *shakes you lovingly*
At this rate Sun is going to take them home for good!
But after some (tense) negotiations, I got Sun to return the chibis to their rightful caretaker~
And because I missed out on all the booping shenanigans I hope you don't mind this old fashioned boop instead! Heheh ✨
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It can't be the end it can't be the end because Loki said "The sun will shine on us again" but in the past whether he was faking his death or actually dying he has been in total darkness and now he's stuck in Yggdrasil outside the flow of time and will never see the sun again just so the sun can shine on everyone else. The last shot of Mobius is of him basking in the sunshine Loki sacrificed for him except Loki IS his sun, the celestial body he orbits around, so technically the sun is shining on neither of them.
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The best Christmas gift is the proof that Loki is up there, watching over and protecting us. And, one day, the sun will shine on him again💚
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