#the text thing was harder than initially expected lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

phoenixyfriend · 3 years

Text

Thoughts on “Auntie Soka and Little Leia” now that I’ve actually got it posted:

Call it a director’s cut! The process of actually writing the thing, and also jokes made along the way. Link to the actual fic.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy for image descriptions, even the text screenshots. Might come back that later. Most of this was DMs with @atagotiak.

This was an entire thing before I even started writing:

Before I decided on ages and stuff Ahsoka, to Jango, who has had zero contact with Kaminoans: Okay I know I'm a Jedi kid so you hate me but this toddler is your clone from the future. Jango, tired: What the FUCK are you talking about. Rex, barely able to talk: Don't you dare leave me with him, Commander! Ahsoka: I'm not going to leave you I just--I'm so tired I'm so fucking tired I haven't slept in five days and someone tried to kidnap Leia two days ago I am so fucking tired I need help

Ben: [twenty years of depression followed by a 'now I'm safe' breakdown over the course of weeks] Sokari: [whatever the FUCK this mess is]

When Ahsoka mentions there only being three other Jedi at the time of her death, I was thinking Kanan, Yoda, and Obi-Wan (Leia told her about the latter two living past her). She's not counting anyone that received training after the Temple fell, and she didn’t know about Cal.

When Leia says “I was adopted and raised by one of the founders of the rebellion, a movement built on the desire to instate freedom and democracy in a galaxy that had lost even the pretense.”

Depa: I'm no therapist but I diagnose you with "incredibly fucked up." Ahsoka: yeah, that’s fair

"Why did you pick Depa for--" She's pretty and I'm gay. Also because of the Kanan thing But mostly I'm gay "It's not a visual medi--" GAY

Empty of context beyond general post-fic AU: "Hey Sokari, we need to engage in psychological warfare against this individual and--" "I'm going to break into his office and leave a threatening note on his desk and leave no other sign that I was there. He'll see that his security is nothing and the only reason he isn't dead is because I'm too nice to kill him." "...okay, not what we were planning, but that works. Why is that your first choice?" "I really like breaking and entering, it's soothing." Ben just standing there with a bland smile like This Is Normal.

"We need someone to infiltrate a highly guarded facility in hostile territory." "So we're sending the Torrent kids?" [sigh] "We're sending the Torrent kids."

Rex and Sokari insist on both going by "Torrent" even though Rex could be a Fett. Jango really wants him to be a Fett. Rex has too many grudges to agree to being a Fett for... a while.

I really hope it's blatantly obvious that Ahsoka's not a reliable narrator for some things Ahsoka: Fett could care less if I died Jango: jfc even if you are older than me I can see you're fucked up. Drink your hot chocolate. Hells. She's got good reason to expect him to hate her as a Jedi! BUT. THAT IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF REALITY

We don’t get a lot of actual characterization for Jango, but the way I played him out here is he has never really parsed that Jedi are people before all this. It's a lot harder to treat them as a monolith when the traumatized former child soldier is having regular breakdowns in your shitty little kitchen

Fett: I respect you Ahsoka: No, don't do that

Ahsoka’s vigilantism is something that, in my mind, she's associating heavily with Zygerria and then the clones.

I figured that she never bothered to learn Quinlan’s teacher’s name but in the process of looking up some basic facts (whether he had a surname), I found that Wookiepedia was forced to give us a VERY wide range of possible death in Legends.

Please take a moment to imagine Quinlan's FACE when Ahsoka initially dismisses him. Quinlan has put a lot of effort into being rogueishly charming! It's very useful for his line of work! He knows to expect either irritation or a return flirtation when he acts like this with people his own age! Ahsoka is not flustered OR rolling her eyes and insulting him, she's just ignoring him and it's a bit of a blow to the ego

This just makes me really happy:

This was the initial comment I made, as a joke What if Maul is just. There. On one of the planets they make a pitstop at. What if Maul exists as the walking problem he is, but fifteen, and Ahsoka immediately tries to kick his ass and drag him back to Coruscant. I do not have room for this plot but What If

Despite not having room for this plot, I proceeded to write this plot.

Maul is kidnapped and it’s the best thing that ever happened to him HE'S FIFTEEN HE'S DUMB AS SHIT AND HAS A BAD ATTITUDE AND YEAH HE'S A DARKSIDER BUT HE'S FIFTEEN

Ahsoka: I sense... Maul [takes off sprinting] Rex: [immediately takes Jango's blaster and runs after her] Jango: Wait who Tholme: Who Quinlan: Who Jango: [looks at Leia] Leia: I don't know who that is either! Ahsoka, already wrestling a teenager to the ground: Oh no, you're a child, REX STUN HIM AND GRAB THE CUFFS, I'M SURE FETT OR THOLME HAS SOME

Fighting him isn't even legal, they have NO evidence of criminal wrongdoing, so first she needs to yell until he admits to something she can fight him about

Ahsoka: When I see Maul, it's on SIGHT Maul: WHO ARE YOU

Ahsoka: The Force didn't give me hands just to NOT throw them when I run into That Crafty Son Of A Bitch

Ben, when they arrive, after the tearful reunion: You... you brought Maul. Ahsoka: Well, yeah, he's fifteen and kinda dumb. I figured we could drag him here and force him into therapy, see what happens. Ben: I can't quite tell through the gag, but I think he's threatening to feed you your own spleen. Ahsoka: Lol, yeah.

Ben is absolutely on team "get Maul therapy" and will fight the Council on rehabilitating the baby Sith But also it's like. Here's your daughter! And your niece! And your daughter's QPP! Also your best friend, but baby, and his teacher, and the biological origin of a number of people you cared for deeply! AND ALSO THE GUY WHO SPENT LITERAL DECADES CRAVING YOUR DEATH, FOR SOME REASON

I just really want Ahsoka lovingly bullying Maul She gives him noogies and the horns don't protect him because girl has reinforced gloves

Maul's only allowed a low-power training saber and his fights with Sokari involve Much Taunting by her and Eventual Screaming by him, and everyone pops by to see: 1. Sokari doing the most absurd flips, for fun. 2. The bullshit that is ataru-shien reverse-grip jar'kai in the hands of someone who makes it work 3. What a Sith lightsaber form looks like 4. Just the general nonsense that is the way these two fight

Tia said “Wrt ridiculous flips. I'm remembering that time she beheaded four Kryst'ad at once.” and I just Rex brings up the quadruple beheading at one point to get someone to stop asking questions and the awkward, horrified silence almost makes him regret it. And then Sokari just snorts and makes a joke about how Rex once speared a slaver point-blank and everyone's just like hello??? "are you two okay" "no"

Maul absolutely starts crushing on Sokari after a 'sword under chin' moment and she's just very "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you're fifteen, bye" GO MAKE PUPPY EYES AT OBI-WAN OR SOMETHING

The crushes are the worst part of everything, really, she's an attractive young woman that can kick a lot of ass, and a lot of people are into that! Unfortunately, most of those people are a decade younger than she is, mentally, because all the people her actual age look at her and see a child on account of the 17yo body.

It’s almost a good thing she’s in no place mentally for a relationship.

I just want Ahsoka to wear beskar.... I think that would be Nice........

This AU is also what caused this post.

I'm deeply enamored by the idea that Ahsoka can win fights against "older" padawans pretty much unilaterally, even when they team up 2v1 And then she offers to fight 5v1 "But only if I have permission to fight dirty." Ben approves it, a horror show full of "I fought many wars and will scream in your face or kick you in the balls if that's what it takes" follows She wins. There are no permanent injuries, but her reputation certainly gets weirder. Nobody under the rank of Knight agrees to let her fight dirty again. She just lets that stand because, well, she's not actually a padawan, she's thirty-three.

I’m not going to write this but my brain was EVIL and suggested it:

IT WOULD BE REALLY SAD IDK maybe 9yo Anakin has nightmares about what's happening to baby Ahsoka because bullshit about time-traveling force bonds IDK ANYWAY he cries to Sokari about the nightmares and she's like "oh shit" and it's time to go rescue herself from motherfucker unlimited

It's either that or she's like, expecting to welcome mini-me aaaany day now, for like, several months, before she realizes Something Went Wrong. Anakin’s dreams could even start right as she’s starting to realize something’s off.

Obi-Wan has never had a padawan that doesn't at some point bite Even Luke will, when pushed

OH also once the twins get Baby's First Lightsaber (training sabers, not real kyber), Sokari begs to borrow them for a dumb joke and tells Rex to get on her shoulders for a "Grievous Greeting" and they do The Thing

Jango and Ahsoka wrt Quinlan is just “Do I need to beat him up for you” “You realize I’ve beaten up sith lords before?”

JANGO'S TRYING He's just. "Can we be friends? Can I--can I be the guy that just noticeably gets in the way of a creep on the subway so you can be more comfortable without someone making a scene? I'm fucking trying here, give me a hint."

We didn’t actually figure out Jango’s age until this point. The only reason Fett's age matters is for Quinlan making a Wild Oats quip after Jango says he didn't know about Rex until a few weeks ago, and Fett going "How old do you think I am? And how old do you think the kid is?" and Quinlan getting Very Awkward as he does the math. Rex overhears and lets Quinlan sweat for a bit before saying "I'm a genetically-modified clone someone grew in a tube, he didn't know or have reason to know until he saw me with Sokari." Which is like. Eight additional layers of WTF, obviously, but at least Jango gets to avoid awkward wild oats jokes

Like, you’d expect the rebuttal to be ‘he’s my brother just with a biiig age gap’ or ‘he’s my nephew’

I find it very unfortunate for Quinlan that I've decided his defining characteristic in this context is going to be repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth

He’s trying so hard but "That sounds like a cool thing, maybe I'll ask ab--and it's another fucking trauma."

I'm doing Ahsoka&Jango t w i c e (there’s another fic where I’m doing it)

It’s just a fun dynamic! So much resentful respect.

Like she's twenty seconds away from calling him a bitch at any given time and he's just there like "I don't like you but I do see you move like you're about to tell an entire building to get on their knees with their hands in the air and I can respect that" Also she's probably much less judgmental about using blasters than Obi-Wan is The Maul subplot actually started with me daydreaming about Ahsoka grabbing a blaster for Reasons

I like the idea of Jango just deciding the most Useful thing he can do is help teach the Smol how to fight. He's AWKWARD around Rex and Soka because he doesn't know if there's anything he CAN teach them.

I didn’t actually plan for Tholme to figure out the age thing, he just SAID it and I had to sit there like Wait.

Ahsoka, Rex & Leia: ahhh, children Tholme: you say that like you aren’t children

I liked getting to write Rex's little "I have worked with all of them, and they're all Terrible" He loves them But They once got stranded on a planet that didn’t exist and Ahsoka died and Anakin killed a god.

There was research and discussion as to whether Ahsoka could win against Tholme but seeing as she held her own against Vader, and fought Grievous at that physical age without dying, etc.... yeah, the only thing holding her back was her body not being what she was used to, and she’s had a few weeks go adjust.

“I miss being able to just jump off skyscrapers” is such a jedi thing

Jango: I'll take the gun back if he tries to leave, they can't get far before--WHAT THE FUCK He knows Jedi are scary but he’s still not really used to just how over the top ridiculous they are He knows how to deal with Jedi in battle, not Whatever The Fuck These People Are Doing

Rex isn't even a Jedi, he's just so used to working with them. “Oh yes time for free-falling without a parachute again, same shit as always.”

Tia: I’m imagining Jango freaking out and Quinlan and Tholme being like. Concerned but mostly exasperated Clearly if they’re jumping off buildings it must be serious? But jfc they could’ve maybe communicated a bit more?

Leia: I want to finish my juice Tholme: Quin, stay with her while we go figure out what those two are doing. Quinlan: Wait what

Jango: Oh now he’s jumping off a building too??? Tholme: Sokari, you are not registered! You can't legally jump out windows yet! Jango: What the hell is going on? Is this normal?

We don’t necessarily know how often Ahsoka and Maul ran into each other after Mandalore. There was the later thing on Malachor, but other than that I'm just going with the idea that they ran into each other every year or two and just went for the eyes like feral cats

Ahsoka: I need to kick ass and you're coming with me. Rex: Yeah, okay. [several minutes later] Rex: Whose ass are we kicking?

Ahsoka and Rex

Neloms aren’t a SW fruit to the best of my knowledge, I just wanted to mess around with lemons/melons

Jango: you didn’t think any of this through, did you? Rex: you were there, you know we didn’t "When the Jedi says to jump out a window, I jump out a window."

Tholme’s real composed about stalking the ancient nigh-mythical enemy of his people, very “Life is already so goddamn weird”

This fic has been so heavy on the trauma but then I introduce Maul and suddenly it's the worst kind of comedy Nobody is competent, everyone's a little dumb, the bad guy is just grocery shopping

My propensity for banter has turned this into a six-person buddy cop comedy about Maul buying grapes They spend a significant amount to time ineffectually stalking Maul before Quin suggests the sensible option Quinlan just "You remember this is my literal job and specialty right"

Ahsoka sees Maul and all her brain cells go out the window except "Fight good" Usually she doesn’t need to worry about doing things legally. Maybe she needs to worry about someone seeing her do illegal things but she spent the past 15 yrs in a place where her existing was illegal

I feel like he’s also maybe kinda wanting to reassert that yes he is competent. Bc like. Ahsoka’s been kinda condescending this whole time and also can beat everyone up so. It's not his fault that he's actually the youngest person there, but.

Jango is finding this whole being friendly to Jedi thing a lot more overwhelming than he thought it would be. And overwhelming in different ways.

Maul usually signifies things getting worse and more horrifyingly tragic but he's just a dumb teen that they needed to arrest for his own good.

Quinlan: Look, I'm useful! Ahsoka: I've been through hell, wanna hear? Quinlan: NO. I DON'T. WHY.

Quinlan: I understand the concept of joking about your traumas, I do it sometimes myself! But sith hells that’s a lot of trauma.

Quinlan just wanted her to treat him as a Competent Individual, and here she is whipping out stories about Dying and Gods and the Force insists it's the truth and he just???? And apparently emo darksider over there is a Sith. And just, sure. Why not

A lot of people’s interactions with the time travelling disaster lineage is just

Tholme and Fett arguing and Ahsoka's just waiting for a moment to pop in with "Hey, when's the last time either of you worked with the other's culture before this mess? Yeah, that's what I thought."

Much like Leia and Ahsoka hurting each other earlier, and Tholme figuring out the de-aging, we ALSO have Fett’s confrontation with Ahsoka being something the characters just did, rather than something I planned.

FTR the only time I managed to trigger myself while writing this fic was the “your behavior isn’t actually acceptable and we’ve all been trying really hard to give you room to recover but you have to at least make an effort to not be a bitch”

Writing about people having PTSD and symptoms of such: Yay! Writing about people having PTSD and engaging in toxic behavior to cope: Shit Ahsoka had... basically my exact reaction. It's "remind yourself that you're in the wrong, that they have a point, and then be overly formal in the apology because fuck if you accidentally make them feel sorry for you when they're the injured party"

Quinlan: Can we be friends? I mean, you're an asshole, but you're really cool. Let's be friends. (He MIGHT be nursing a crush) (Neat mysterious girl who can beat him up.)

Also he realises she's probably nicer when not having a slow-motion breakdown He's like "Huh, you'll probably be less of an asshole once you've gotten therapy."

...also, she pretty and got Nice Biceps

I love writing a good mental breakdown

I was so close to including a "he tried to kill me" just early enough for Jango to wildly misinterpret as her thinking Quinlan tried to kill her. He'd have been very confused, considering Quinlan's the one that called them down in a panic and currently has Ahsoka having her massive breakdown in his lap But

Tia: I could see Jango interpreting it as idk, Quin resembling someone or for a moment acting like someone who tried to kill her and she had a flashback or something like that

There's absolutely room for a couple reasonable interpretations there And "trapped in a flashback about someone who tried to kill her" is absolutely what's happening! Just. You know. For a different reason. Jango probably wouldn’t assume Quin would hurt her, for one thing he seems to like her, for another even if he did he’s smart enough to pick a way that wouldn’t be so likely to get him caught

I had to step back and actually say “Also I'm just. Wow. I'm really just shoveling QPP Rex&Ahsoka at full speed”

Me, a few weeks ago, joking: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist Me, now, entirely seriously: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist

Me, belatedly: Oh, Ahsoka being joyfully mean to people was a form of mania she was unconsciously using to build a barrier between herself and her impending meltdown

She went from "just died" to "in charge of Rex and Leia" in like. Two minutes.

Confession: I've been delighting in the mental image of this whole Mess leading Jango to try to retake Mandalore, and Ahsoka loans him a saber for a 1v1 to get the darksaber.

“Can’t I just fight him barehanded? That’s how I did it on Galidraan.” "But the drama, Fett!"

Probably Rex has learned how to use a saber as well, because you never know when you have to borrow a weapon

I later changed my mind to Jango asking her to help, rather than her just sneak-teaching him, but it was funny.

Background nonsense to all this is Ahsoka and Rex, despite Rex being as force-sensitive as a lump of coal, having developed a process where she can extend her sensitivity to him mind-to-mind for weird symbiotic battle trance that scares everyone around them. It’s very similar to Battle meditation.

CONTEXT FOR LEIA BEING WORRIED ABOUT THOLME HIDING THINGS: Tholme is hiding the fact that the Council reached out and told him that the people he picked up might be connected to Ben and Luke, who showed up after the Depa thing but a solid week and change before Jango's ship makes it to the Temple. They asked that he not share that information to avoid getting anyone's hopes up in case the two situations aren't related. Ben and Luke haven't shared enough information for anyone to really be sure if the other three are connected Because the info Tholme has isn't quite the info Jango has, etc. And they can't just say Ben is a future Obi-Wan over comms

I just have a lot of feelings about people trying to do something right and just. Nobody's at fault! Not really! It's just complicated!

Tia: I like how when Ahsoka isn’t doing maladaptive trauma response stuff she’s very mature. And of course she’s had to be but it’s a good like, contrast. Where when she slows down to think about things she’s very sensible

Jango just spends most of this story lowkey wanting Ahsoka to Be His Friend but there's too much baggage that he's only metaphysically responsible for

Local aroace(?) has a squish

Ahsoka: He just wants to get on my good side because of Rex. Jango: I'm pretty sure you could kill an entire army without trying but you wouldn't because you have actual morals and stuff... and when I met you it was because you were killing yourself trying to keep (what appeared to be) children safe... you seem cool please be my friend.......

Ahsoka’s #1 weakness: mountains of trauma Ahsoka’s #2 weakness: she just doesn’t get why so many people think she’s cool and want her to be their (girl)friend

Jango, a 27yo massacre survivor who's killed Jedi masters with his bare hands: [gets lectured on various government structures by a tiny girl that's missing several teeth and needs to sit on books to see the table properly]

Ahsoka was raised in a religious meritocracy but developed all her opinions during a galactic war and then became a vigilante spy, Rex comes from a military cult, Leia is from an inherited monarchy that participates in democracy, Quinlan was originally from what appears to be a dynastic dictatorship, and IDK about Tholme other than that he is also from the religious meritocracy. And in legends Quinlan came to the religious meritocracy after his aunt sacrificed his parents to a vampire cult and then forced him to experience the psychometric echoes of that. There's just. A lot going on.

Leia at least has knowledge about structure and admin in theory that isn't based in either the military or populations under 10k

Jango: I want to be your friend. Ahsoka: Sounds fake.

I am unfairly fond of "Rex destroys a conversation by bringing up his own horrifying childhood and calling it a cult"

"Why does Sokari call you 'Rex'ika'?" "Because she's older than me." "...can I--?" "No."

Nickname privileges are extended ONLY to Ahsoka and older clones. There are no more older clones, so it's just Ahsoka.

Me joking about Star Wars AUs: Would you like a crackship? Me writing actual Star Wars fic: My favorite character type is apparently “too traumatized to have a relationship” so this is at least 90% gen.

I had to pull a scene opening at one point because Ahsoka's skill with not getting shot is actually much less useful than Tholme's clearance levels.

Now I really want a team-up of Ahsoka, Rex, and Jango where they do have to get in a dogfight of the "she flies, we shoot" variety and Fett just has to scream because the speeder thing to catch Maul was one thing, but this....

Ahsoka, before TCW: I know all the traffic rules but I'm not that great at flying! Ahsoka, after TCW: I'm great at flying but if you let me behind the wheel we are absolutely getting arrested.

She went from "knows the rules but doesn't have the skills" to "has the skills but primarily in the form of not getting shot" which! Is delightful! "Bet I can get us through that alley--" "DO NOT"

Jango and Ahsoka are both just very "Is this friendship? Is this camaraderie? My heart's been fried on platonic love by so many murders that I'm not sure anymore." "I've lost a lot of friends. I kind of forgot how to make those."

I have no idea if "hasn't been closer than Alderaan except that one trip to Chandrila" is canon-compliant but ehhhhhhhh It feels plausible enough?

Belatedly realized that I could just explain my optimal Rex&Ahsoka dynamic as just... drift compatible. It's vague enough on the specifics while still digging into the meat of what they mean to each other and how they work together. The terminology is already in existence. I can just use it.

Romantic? Platonic? Familial? Doesn't matter! They're drift compatible.

They are important to each other and that is what matters

I really like the Leia&Quinlan thing. He's just like "This small child needs a friend that isn't super depressed," and decided he's going to be her friend. I keep trying to toss in "Quinlan volunteers to 'baby'sit." She's not much older and she has a Baby Brain, it works out

There's a running bet as to whether Leia will leave the Order the second she turns thirteen, or if she'll let Sokari "train" her for a few years first. And... that’s how I came up with Leia Antilles, Senator of Serenno.

They'll be bullshitting Ben as her new master to "finish out the padawanship" since they can't tell everyone she's really in her thirties and he's conveniently there and already knows everything and was half her master anyway. Like Ben was planning on taking on Luke, but Luke is "six" and even he can't swing that as old enough to be a Padawan, and it's not like Sokari will take more than a handful of years to justify knighthood, sooooooooo

#Ahsoka Tano #Captain Rex #Leia Organa #Jango Fett #Obi Wan Kenobi #time travel #de aging #Phoenix Babbles #Uncle Ben and Little Luke #Auntie Soka and Little Leia #I need to excise the bits that are actually funny on their own

199 notes · View notes

hobiwonder · 4 years

Text

mission impossible | (m)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Smut, crack.

Warnings: Oral, dirty talk, unprotected sex, overstimulation, slight degradation. dom/sub themes (jungkookie being a good boy and then... not so good lol)

Words: 9k+

Summary: When you find out that your groupmate is whoring it up on tinder instead of handing in his part of the project, you go on a mission to teach him a lesson. And maybe get him to finish his part.

A/N: hello!!!! thankyou all for waiting patiently. or maybe you’ve just forgotten about me lol. it’s been a while since i uploaded anything!!! I hope you enjoy this crack as much as I enjoyed writing fuckboy but still a movable baby!jungkook. please don't forget to tell me ur thoughts. feedback keeps me going :)

If it was something strange, it would happen to you. You were not just saying that because of the hint of narcissism in your personality that made you think that everything was about you. Oh no. You never seem to catch a break these days. And quite honestly, you should’ve expected your dose of absurd to be handed to you soon. It had been a week too long without any fatuous incidents and/or people happening to you. Was this just a y/n thing? Was every girl with your name cursed? Maybe it had something to do with your astrological sign. That always seemed to be the explanation of a lot of your friends who did not want to admit to their faults that would land them in hot water. The usual “oh it’s because i’m insert-star-sign”.

Were you really becoming that girl? Though it was hard to blame yourself for this one. Currently staring at your phone. More specifically, the defined abdominals of your group mate. A group mate who has not shown up to a single meeting. After a whole day of slaving away at your study desk, deleting and rewriting your discussion and evidential analysis to conclude whether or not it was a plausible inference that the movies, Whiplash and Black Swan were excellent cinematic representations of the ‘Obsessed Performer.’

Yeah. That was a mouthful. And you bet your right ass cheek that you were the only one out of yourself and Jungkook who had even watched the said movies. In the group of four, Jungkook and yourself were given the discussion and conclusion to write. The three of you who had been present at the initial group meeting had chosen your parts as was decided in the group chat prior. When all of you had received a text from Jungkook cancelling last minute, you’d snagged the conclusion as well as half of the discussion to write as just the conclusion would be a little too easy. And you had wrongfully assumed that your peer had been in some sort of ‘emergency’ since he always sounded like he was in a hurry to do something incredibly important.

You’d pitied the seemingly sweet looking boy and told him that you’ll work together on the last two sections of the paper. And his bastard self had always been all smile emojis and ‘yes :)’ and just all around misleading. Sounding like he was diligently working on his part by himself and definitely will turn everything into you by Thursday. Thursday was yesterday and you had not received even a single message from Jungkook about where he was in terms of progress on the 1000 words he needed to write. Message after message, you weren’t even being left on read. And in concern you had messaged your group chat that maybe he was facing some real life crisis to be so MIA. Until this.

Until you had picked up your phone about half an hour ago to mindlessly scroll through your instagram feed and then in the last 10 minutes had decided to also go on to tinder just to humour yourself. You were well aware that tinder was a cesspit of weird and unhinged men who would only be a good enough to make a youtube video about or a horror story texted to your best friend. You were speaking from experience. Decent men on tinder was like finding a luxury vintage dress in half good condition at a thrift store.

So when you’d swiped left for the 30th time - you’d finally come across the perfect face of someone very familiar. You’d almost swiped left on reflex before you’d brought the phone almost too close to see why the face looked so recognisable. Even without having actually ever met Jungkook face to face - apart from that first lecture - it was hard to miss that this definitely was him. Your mouth had fallen open, jaw just shy of touching your soft bedsheets. You’d found Jeon Jungkook on tinder. His perfectly coy smile staring right at you, the first few buttons of his black shirt open wide to capture your attention back to his smooth, muscular chest. Hastily dialling Momo’s number, you can barely contain your shock and anger and annoyance. All of it wrapped up in one powerful burst of dialogue that you subject Momo’s ears too.

“Bitch!!!” You can’t help screeching, mind boggled.

“What happened now? Jungkook finally reply to you?”

“No oh my god. I found his tinder. I found his tinder Mo. I found his tinder!” You were screaming again but you couldn’t help it.

You were missing a Jeon Jungkook to rightfully scream at so poor Mom was bearing the brunt of your anger and maniacal laughter because your brain was having a hard time believing your luck.

“Wait, seriously? Did you match him?” Oh wait. Of course. There was still another step.

Wordlessly you swipe right, hard skipping a few beats in anticipation. And when the screen shows that he swiped you right as well and that you could now message him, you’re laughing once more.

“So he did. Wow. What a piece of shit.” She’s also laughing albiet much more like a normal human being.

“I cannot believe this Mo. This fuckhead doesn’t read any of my messages for the last week and I find him matched to me on tinder?”

Just then, your phone vibrates. Telling Mo to hold on, you don’t want to believe that this is actually happening. You had just received a message from Jungkook. It had barely been a whole minute of you matching up with him on this app and he had already messaged you.

Jungkook: What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.

This must be a bad dream. Were the cameras of Punk going to start showing up form under your bed? Were you being punked? Not only was Jeon Jungkook just the worst partner out of all the group projects you had been in, he was most definitely a fuckboy. Who used terrible pick-up lines. Did he really not recognise you? Granted that your pictures were not the ones you had put up on facebook - it was still quite discernible that this was definitely you.

“Mo, he just sent me a horny pick-up line oh my god. I’m going to lose my mind.”

“Of course he did. I always thought he was a bit of a player. What did he say?”

When you read out the message, both of you are coughing from the laughter. This was too ridiculous and just very much like something that would happen to you. You had a group project due in less than two days and your group mate had turned out to be a bit of a horny bastard that was more concerned with getting his dick wet than messaging you back.

“You need to message him back, y/n. Pour the cold water on him already and tell him how badly he fucked up.”

“No way! I bet you he’s going to never message me back. At least on tinder i’m going to get a reply. Just how the hell do I ask him about the paper that he should’ve emailed me, like, yesterday? Ugh.”

“Just message him back, firstly. Or lose the only communication you just got. Do you know what dorm he’s in?”

“No idea.” Typing your reply and deleting it - much like your assessment that you were working hard on. Unlike him.

You: Hulk always was my favourite Avenger :)

“You did not just say that! Grossssss.” Yeah. Humouring fuckboys was exclusively for post 6 tequila shots Y/n.

Chuckling at your own response, you’re trying to keep your cool while trying to keep Jungkook’s attention so he doesn’t stop messaging you.

“Mo, wait. I just had an idea.”

“Please, y/n, violence is not the answer.”

“I won’t hurt him you knob. Okay talk to you later!” Not a lot anyway.

“I’m telling the police I don’t know you if they come around tomorrow! Bye!”

Making a face at your phone for good measure - you go ahead with your plan. There was no way you were letting Jeon Jungkook get away that easily. You’d been working so hard this semester. Harder than you have ever tried and you would not let his sloppy self to bring down your grade on an assessment that was worth 40% of your grade. Nearly half. Neither did the people in your group deserved it.

“Just you wait, Jeon. I’m going to kick your horny ass.”

Jungkook: let my Hulk destroy any traces of bad fucks you’ve had.

Your eyes are almost bulging out of your head at his brashness. Did he really just ask you to fuck? This is the second thing he has said to you and it’s him asking to fuck you. You can’t believe how much of a textbook fuckboy he was. When you haven’t responded for a few minutes, you get another message form him.

Jungkook: if that was too forward ^-^

Jungkook: then what i said was a lie lol.

Jungkook: I'm probably the best fuck you’ll ever have.

You cannot believe your eyes. With each message, Jungkook is either confusing you or making you shake your head at how exactly like all the other boys on tinder he is. This was hands down, the longest conversation you have had with Jungkook directly. In the group chat he generally adressed everyone, shooting haphazard apologies right before meetings. Saying he would not be able to make it. It had frustrated you to no end as the date for submission got closer and closer. And to see him reply quicker than you, on tinder no less, was beyond infuriating.

You: Well then. Prove it.

You: Where do you live?

You doubted that Jungkook would be reluctant to give you his address. That’s just not something you see happening. Maybe he preferred to go to the girl’s place? That wouldn’t matter to you either. Though convincing him to bring his laptop with him would be a challenge but you were fine to let him work on your own. There was no way you were letting him go without coughing up his part.

Jungkook: you sure?

You: wanna fuck. Hurry up.

Jungkook: you’re so sexy :)

You were going to literally lose it. Not sure why you were biting the inside of your cheek so hard to stop yourself from laughing at his messages. Jungkook was the epitome of a snapchat fuckboy. It was much more hilarious than you anticipated. You were expecting to be feeling the singular emotion of sheer hostility. But you were having too much fun with this. Especially when you weren’t going to actually fuck him but seeing how eager and self-assured he was, this was all the more pleasant.

Jungkook texts you his address and you let him know that you’ll be there in around 20 minutes. He lived surprisingly close. Though him staying in an all male rich residential college was definitely not a surprise. Only kids with a lot of disposable income and no worries of being evicted avoided doing any actual school work. The rest of you were not privy to such luxury. The more you thought about it the more you knew how gratifying it will be to show up at Jeon Jungkook’s door with a pile of notes and your laptop. He was in for a treat.

Dressing in that one little black dress you had was only part of the plan. An attempt to fool him one last time before you handed him the checklist of what he had to do. You shrug on a large jean jacket that fell below your bottom to conceal your provocative dress, grab your bag after stuffing all the necessities and then set out the door. Dialling Momo’s number, you let her know where you will be incase anything happens. You could never be too careful.

“Yo, I’m going to Cornell college. Jungkook apparently lives there so I’m going to meet him.”

“Are you serious? He told you his address?!”

“Sure did.”

“I pray for his soul.”

“He made me suffer far longer! Whose side are you on, traitor?!”

“Yours but knowing you, he’s in for a LOT. Okay stay safe.”

“Yeah yeah. He needs to be safe not me.”

“Yeah that was what I was saying. Anywhore. have fun.”

“Bye.”

The closer you get to the college, you are starting to hear loud music. Was this even allowed on colleges? Were there not any volume restrictions given what time it was and the fact that it was managed by onsite staff? Arriving on the level Jungkook told you his room was, 4th, the music is even more noticeable. The sign pointing to the common room was where most of the bass was coming from and you guess maybe there is a function going on. Though the closer you walk, you realise that this was not just any event. This was a party. The cracks in the door gave away to the activities happening inside the large hall. Deciding not to wait any longer, you text Jungkook again. Being as serious as you can be to get him to meet you outside instead of carrying your backpack with you inside.

You: I’m here to fuck, not party.

Jungkook: it’s a good party tho. We can slowly take it back to my room ;)

You: I’ll find someone else.

You hope he takes your bluff.

Jungkook: love it when you order me around baby.

Jungkook: don’t forget who’s in charge. Me.

You can’t help but roll your eyes, still smirking at your phone. No matter what your initial intentions were, you had to admit that playing with Jungkook was fun. He was unacceptably attractive and looked like the type of guy you would reduce to tears. But none of that tonight. You had to stay focused. You’re about to type another message to speed him up but he beats you to it.

Jungkook: room is unlocked. go in. i’ll be there in a minute.

Letting out a whoosh of air you’d been holding, you head down the hall, further away from the heavy bass and the party music. Somewhat hesitantly, you open the door to the room number he gave you. Nothing out of the ordinary. His room wasn’t messy. It was tidy. No sign of books. Just a bunch of sketches and film negatives strewn about on his study desk. Shamelessly, you snoop around, trying to find any evidence that he studies at all. So far, you’d only found an industry grade recording mic, two different types of cameras and some more unused camera reel.

Getting out your notes and the checklist you were going to hand to Jungkook, you get everything ready for when Jungkook arrives. You were not going to let him get away with this. Just another minute later, you can hear the footsteps getting closer. And for a moment, so does your heartbeat. You were quite confident in yourself but there was always a chance that Jungkook was more than a harmless oversexed college boy. All of the very rational fears are thrown out the window, however, as soon as the black mop of hair comes into view. Jungkook was incredibly handsome. Even moreso than his pictures. His hair was longer than the last time you saw him months ago. The long strands of inky black hair fell endearingly in his face, just to the middle of his eyes, parted right in the middle and curling slightly. He wore a long sleeved shirt with hip-hugging jeans that almost made you drool visibly. The saliva was positively pooling in your mouth but you swallowed it quickly to avoid embarrassment.

Now, you were angry. You really were. You needed this assessment finished so you could start on other projects and without Jungkook finishing up his part, there was no way you would have finished yours on time. But you would be a bold faced liar if you didn’t admit that you were oh so tempted to abandon your vendetta and not ride him like a bronco. You could tell that unfortunately, unlike other men who strutted about with empty words - Jungkook would be the best you would have in a while.

And when he smiles, it’s not any easier.

“Hey you.”

“Hi.” Desperately trying to keep your voice even, you smile coyly.

Jungkook locks the door, running a hand through his hair before he stalks towards you. Confident as ever. You bite your lip, baiting him even further before you strike. Just when he gets close enough to you, you hold out an arm to keep him from touching you.

“God, you’re even more sexy in person.”

“Uh-uh, be patient.” He’s blissfully unaware, just smirking in return as he watches your hands roam his chest before going up to his face. Taking a step closer to him, you rake your nails up his neck, leaving little white lines from the scratches.

“Close your eyes, Jungkook.” Jungkook, ever the obedient boy, closes them quickly. Awaiting your next move.

You can’t help yourself when he looks like this. Completely immersed in the feel of your hands. He was a good few inches taller than you but your platformed sneakers made it easier for you to teach him a lesson. His dark eyelashes kissing the tops of his cheeks, face so relaxed you would think he’s sleeping. You deserved to play a little at least, right? Leaning forward, you stop with the internal rationalising and just make the move.

Your lips meet his in a fiery kiss. His stoic figure melting as soon as your lips lock, hands grabbing at your waist while his tongue grazes your bottom lip. Jungkook is moaning in the kiss like he’s taking his first gulp of water after roaming the desserts. Momentarily, you forget your purpose for even being here in the first place. Wrapping your hands in his tempting long tresses and pulling, making even more sweeter noises to spill past his lips. He’s panting and restless. Moving his body against yours like he’ll die without it. Moving him backwards, you push him agains his swivelling study chair that was conveniently faced the right way.

His hands are all over you as soon as he’s down on the chair with your legs straddling his thighs on either side. All you can feel are his lips and his tongue and his hands. All over you, sliding your jacket off your shoulders to travel his kisses down another path. The desperate intake of oxygen is enough to bring your head back in the game, barely. With Jungkook nipping away at the now exposed skin of your shoulders and neck, it’s hard for you to stay focused. Especially when the hard tent in those sinfully tight jeans is now pushing against your softest part. He’s impossibly hard and you’re impossibly soft down there. It’s a lethal combination because neither of you can live without the other being pressed against each other. When you push down on him he pushes his hips up with even more ferocity, moaning louder with every illicit rub of the thickness between his thighs.

You’re addicted to the feeling and not sure how you’ll centre yourself enough to do what you actually came to do. God was really making you eat your words, huh? You were so close to ripping all his clothes off and fucking his brains out. You bet he’ll make the prettiest sounds when you ride him. His whimpers and moans just from gyrating up against you were enough of an indication. Sliding your hands back up in his hair, you yank it back from your neck to see his sweaty, glistening face looking up at you. He looked slightly inebriated. You had tasted the traces of vodka in his kiss but you had a feeling that a lot of his current state had to do with you and not the liquor.

“Jungkook?” He shamelessly rut his hips against yours, not fully hearing you, lost in his own lusty haze.

“Yeah?” Your lips close around the soft cartilage of his earlobe, tugging and flicking with your tongue, illiciting more salacious noises out of him.

“How’s the assignment coming along?” It takes him a few seconds to respond but the urgency with which he was pawing at you has slowed to a halt like a broken down car.

“Huh?” Pulling back completely, you stare him right in his twinkly eyes that look like a deer caught in the headlights.

“The paper you’re writing on modern cinema?”

“How... how do you know about that?” You smile at him sweetly. Before you flick him across his forehead.

“Ow! What the hell?”

“I should be saying that you harlot!”

“Harlot? really? You were all over me just now. You are all over me!” You’re surprised he knows the meaning of the medieval insult.

“Don’t try and weasel out of this! I’ve been waiting for your finished part since yesterday!”

“Wait... you’re y/n, y/n?”

“Took you long enough.”

“With your tongue down my throat? I wonder why.” You cannot believe you are arguing with a boy whilst still in his lap with his hands holding on to your waist.

Jungkook is trying his hardest to deflect and make you seem like the desperate one when he had been the one to want to fuck you from the get go. Getting off his lap, you fix your dress, tugging it down a little since the assault from Jungkook had almost bared your ass. Jungkook is still sitting in his study chair, dumbfounded.

“Finish your part of the discussion Jungkook. I have to write the conclusion and submit the paper.”

He is still staring. And now your eyes are travelling down to his thighs. Particularly the large bulge a little further up. A very substantial bulge that makes your mouth water once more.

“Jungkook!”

“Sorry, what? I just had a dream that a crazy girl tried to get me to do my homework right before we were going to fuck.”

“Listen here you little shit,” You grab Jungkook’s chin, gently despite his theatrical reactions, tilting it up to look you in the eyes. His reactions are so comical you almost laugh. “I’ve worked too hard for you to just give me piss poor, last minute effort. I’m here until you finish it.”

“You cannot be serious.” Letting go of his chin, you step back, folding your arms against your chest for good measure. Raising an eyebrow for him to challenge you.

“You expect me to write a thousand something words with this,” He points between his legs, you roll your eyes, “still here? No way.”

“I don’t remember giving you a choice, pretty boy.”

“You think I’m pretty?” So pretty. But he didn’t need to know that. You swivel his chair around back to face his desk.

“Less talk and more work!”

“Y/n, you can’t- can’t make me!” He’s throwing his hands around like a child and it’s a little too cute for an annoying boy like him who’s put you through so much anxiety. Sitting on his bed, swinging your legs as your eyes look around at the paintings, you let him huff and puff.

“Oh yeah? Guess I’ll have to call the cops because of the weed you have.”

His nose scrunches up adorably. “I don’t have any weed.”

“But I do. Who will they believe?” His eyes widen once more as he realises what you’re saying.

“Are you seriously blackmailing me?” You nod, smiling brightly. Jungkook turns back around, head in his hands as he mutters to himself how his tinder hookups are always crazy.

“Hey! I wouldn’t be here if you did your work! or replied to any of my messages.”

“Um, I was going too? I was busy.”

“Taking vodka shots? Yeah I could tell.” The mention of the kiss is bringing a rosy flush to Jungkook’s cheeks. Such an uncharacteristic reaction for a guy with his looks and his confidence.

He was that much more appealing to you because of how he contradicted his own personality. You knew he was one of those boys who acted all tough but secretly wanted to be bossed around. Told to do this and that. Made uncomfortable and maybe slightly humiliated. They lived to please. And the way Jungkook had melted into your body almost as if asking for guidance earlier, you knew he was exactly like that. He may not even know it yet but you could have him in the palm of your hands in a matter of minutes.

“What do I get in return?” He’s still grunting his disapproval, but looking through the notes you put on his desk anyway.

“A good grade and a life longer than 22?”

“You’re crazy.”

“All the more reason for you to be quiet and work!” He pouts at you before quietly looking through the notes and logging into his laptop.

When you’re satisfied he’s actually working, you lay down on his bed, making yourself comfortable knowing that it will take him at least an hour to finish his part. You had practically handed him all the points, he just had to write his own opinion and synthesise the evidence you had collected. The part of discussion required each student in the group’s own thoughts and thus you couldn’t just make them up on Jungkook’s behalf. Nor did you want to. You were done doing two people’s work back in your freshman year. These were advanced level classes and you weren’t going to ruin your grade because of one person.

Thirty minutes later, you’re almost about to doze off when you see Jungkook getting up from his chair in your periphery. Sitting up in a flash - though a little dizzy - you point an accusatory finger at Jungkook. Said boy has stopped mid-standing up.

“Don’t you dare Jeon! Get back in that chair and finish your work.”

“Jesus.” He’s holding his head in his hands once more before he starts whining again. “Y/n, please. Can’t I just do this tomorrow and send it to you then?”

You think about it. You do. “And have you go off the face of the planet again? No way.”

“Please.” He drags out the syllables, pouting and blinking up at you and it almost works.

“No. Not a chance. Just finish it ASAP and I’ll edit it. But finish writing it. The sooner you’re done the quicker I’ll be out of your hair.”

He glares at you. And not the scary, tough man glare that might make you slightly nervous and fidgety that you’re getting on his nerves. It’s a glare a kid gives you when you tell them no more TV or no more xbox. It’s the most adorable thing you’ve seen Jungkook do tonight. Or maybe you’re just sleep deprived. Either way, you wanted to kiss the hell out of him. But you turn your head away, faux annoyance ebbed into your features as you wait for him to start writing again.

It works for another half hour, Jungkook now actually typing more than he’s complaining. It was only a thousand words that he had to write but there was a lot of information that needed to be condensed in those thousand words which meant he was typing and then deleting, repeating the process again and again until he looked to be halfway through. You were impressed at how much he was getting done. Maybe it was your watchful gaze that was making him perform at his peak. You were now just hoping that whatever he wrote was actually plausible and not just rubbish to get you out of his room.

“I can’t believe you’re making me work with a boner. You could’ve at least gotten me off.” His pout his still there as he types casually.

“Stop being a brat and keep working.”

“Yeah? You’re going to make me write lines? ‘I am a brat’.” He chuckles to himself like he’s burnt you to a crisp with that one comment.

Taking your hand off of your face, you sit up. You watch the way his biceps bulge under his shirt as he types away at his laptop, legs splayed wide under his desk as he supported a semi. It was still a sizeable dent but nowhere near as daunting looking as before. But none of that diminishes your desire for him. You watch him talk to himself quietly as he types, but now stuck somewhere as he types and deletes and then types a sentence again.

You’re not sure what sets it off. Maybe it’s your frustration or that you think he owes you something more than just this. Maybe it’s the way he’s sitting? There are a lot of reasons you can use to justify your serious and formidable attraction to him. But you cannot deny that it was him from the get go. Just him in all his submissive glory that made you attracted to him. And that attraction was now getting the best of you. Maybe it was time to torture him in another way.

“No. I’ll do something much more to your liking.”

His head turns back around fast, fingers halting at his keyboard while he inspects the drunken look in your eyes. Slowly, you spread your legs, hands bracing yourself as they clutch the sheets on either side of you. Your heart is racing at the look in his own eyes. Primal and needy.

“Get on your knees Jungkook.” His chest is rising and falling much quicker than yours. Like he’s holding himself back.

You patiently wait for him to listen to your instructions, watching him. Never breaking eye contact. You know it’s new to him. It’s too obvious for you to deny it. But you relish the look of surprise every time you say something he doesn’t expect. Slowly, get’s up from his chair. Never taking a step further as he drops to his knees, crawling forwards until he’s right infant of you. The room is not that big at all so it doesn’t take him long. Now, his wide, doe eyes look at you. Inquisitive and aroused and it turns you on even more. He’s all man with hard ridges and bulging muscles but the way he’s looking at you right now makes you feel like at the centre of his world.

“Are... are you going to- to make me eat your pussy?” the explicit question sends your nerve endings on fire.

You’re a second away from grabbing his hair and shoving him right between your legs but the way his soft mouth says the dirty words - it makes you feel a very different kind of way. Now it’s you who can’t stop staring at him. Thinking about what else he has up his sleeves. You expected him to be vocal but never this. He is bold and shy all at the same time.

“Would you like that, Jungkook?” His eyes drop between your legs again, watching the way your panties cling to your increasingly wet folds.

Jungkook is moving between your legs more, eagerly nodding so the strands of his fringe rustle up and down in his face. His arms are going under your thighs, gropping them for good measure before he looks up at you with those eyes again.

“Please.” He’s almost whispering, longing lacing his every word. “Please, y/n. Please let me taste you. ‘wanna taste you.”

His words have turned into pleas and the pleas turn into kisses alongside your inner thighs and then any place Jungkook can get his lips and tongue on. Everything else is forgotten. It’s just you laying on his bed while Jungkook tries to get a taste of you anyway he can. His lips travel up to your covered mound, never daring to move the piece of fabric holding him back from his destination. Opting to only kiss over it, lick his way up your clit through the thin cotton that’s now moulding to your swollen folds.

“Do- do you deserve it, Jungkook? For putting me through so much h-headache? Oh.” Your moans accompany almost every word. Fingers laced into Jungkook’s luscious hair as he continues his hurried tasting of your arousal.

His response is mumbled between your legs. You watch his veiny hands repeatedly grab at the flesh of your thighs. Kneading it desperately like he’s trying to distract himself from doing something else entirely. A yelp leaves his mouth at your tug on his hair. Pale skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He looks like an addict when he is looking at you like you’re giving him his fix and God, you want to kiss his swollen lips.

“Answer me, brat. Do you deserve anything from me?”

“N-No.”

“Right. Yet you’re still begging to taste me like the needy little slut you are. Hm?”

Jungkook is whimpering, his lids fluttering. He doesn’t expect the smack across his face, a little too hard for what you had originally aimed for. The surprise is evident and for a moment you’re worried he’s going to be upset. Instead, his breathing is picking up even further.

“Answer me when I speak to you.”

“Y-Yes... Noona.” The breath is almost sucked out of you at his timid tone. And it only makes you want to push him further.

“Good boy.” His eyes are lighting up at the praise like hundreds of little galaxies called them home.

Sliding down towards the edge of the bed, you let your legs hang off, letting your toes touch the floor. Jungkook is still on his knees, watching you manoeuvre yourself around his bed before you reach for the hem of your dress. Watching his every facial expression as you strip. He looks up at you wide-eyed, taking in your soaked underwear and the thin black bra where your nipples pointed right at him. You can see his hands twitch by his side. You’d pushed them off you when you’d changed your position and were surprised at how calm and obedient Jungkook was being. Contrast to how much of an argumentative brat he was. But you had a sneaking feeling that he liked it when you called him that.

You were trying to remain calm yourself. Not give too much away on the dilemma you held inside your head. Thinking if you should take this any further. Though it was a little too late now, you guess. You were practically naked, wetter than ever before as Jungkook watched you with his wide doe eyes. Hunger evident with every flit of his gaze. You would feel cruel if you stopped at this point. So you let the rational part of your brain take a backseat and letting the consequences of tonight berate you in the morning after. Sliding your palms down your stomach, straight inside your soaked panties, you stroke yourself ever so slowly. Holding his heated gaze with cloudy eyes.

“Noona...” It sends another jolt of arousal throughout your already overheated body. He’s biting his plump bottom lip, sliding his hand up and down carelessly on to his erection that had grown considerably in the past fifteen minutes. Jungkook looks like the embodiment of desperation and it makes you rub yourself a little faster. Every time your fingers come in contact with your sensitised clit, you bite the urge to buck your hips brazenly.

“Yeah, baby? You want to see?” You hold out your wet fingers to him and in a flash, you feel his warm mouth around your digits. He moans loudly like he’s been relieved after years of drought.

“M-More. Please, Noona. I’ll do anything please, please.” Now that didn’t take long. Chuckling at his agonised face, you throw your head back, enjoying the relief your own fingers brought.

But you were torturing yourself too at this point. You wanted to replace your small fingers with Jungkook’s bigger and more vascular hands. You remember the view of his body from the glorified hookup app. Knew what he was hiding under the baggy shirt. The sweet whimpers and ‘please’ sounds coming from him were a delicacy on their own.

“Take my panties off then. With your mouth. Don’t use your hands... or else.” Your tone is stern enough to give you that satisfying flash going through his eyes.

In seconds, he’s leaning forward on his hands and knees, eyes never leaving yours as he bites the cotton on your hips, dragging it down. The act itself is a little clumsy. In his haste, Jungkook is taking twice as long should he use his hands. But something about his complete compliance, his willingness to be accepted by you and his utter devotion to pleasing you is the ultimately your undoing. This may be a power trip but you were thoroughly getting ruined during it.

At last, the cotton has reached your ankles. Quickly, you shrug off your dress as well, completely naked. He’s placed small kisses in greetings before he takes them off completely. Out of breath and out of his mind. The glazed look has taken a permanent vacation in his eyes and you were getting high on it. Jungkook was a communicator. If it wasn’t his mouth relaying the naughty words to you then his eyes were holding yours hostage, smouldering.

Bracing your hands behind yourself and never breaking away from his eyes, your ankles part. Jungkook’s eyes are automatically falling on the mess between your legs but he doesn’t dare move. Awaiting your instructions. Jerking your chin towards his general direction, you silently bring his attention back to his overly dressed self.

“Lose the pants.” His hands make fast work of his jeans. Falling back on to the ground to push them off.

“Uh-uh. Keep them on.” His eyes widen at your command to keep the underwear on. You weren’t about to just let him have it.

Not yet.

“Noona...” The high pitched noise of protest only makes your nostrils flare. You wanted to live out your every dirty fantasy with him if he sounded this sweet with just watching. The desire was making your head spin and your palms sweat.

“Yeah?”

“Please... I’ll do anything.” His eyes twinkle in the dim light as he kneels infant of you.

“I’ll eat you out for hours, let you sit on me face until I can’t breathe. Let you ride my tongue until you can’t cum anymore. Just please... fuck me.” The last two words leave him in such agony that for a second it truly sounds like he’s in pain.

Which is ridiculous given the ted talk he just gave on the Perfect Words To Say to Ruin Y/N and Her Panties. You’re the one currently in pain from clenching your jaw so tight. Resolve like a skinny rubber band about to snap. Dirty talk was the chink in your armour. And by the way Jungkook’s face lit up and his words became a lot more sure and confident, you knew that he was weaponising his skill to control you fully. And you needed to put him in his place before you gave up your pride and rode him until you ran out of stamina or died from your body overheating. Whichever happened first.

“Get up.”

“Fuck yes-“ Jungkook’s blubbering about how you’re the hottest person he’s ever seen and that he knows he can blow your mind while you push him back on the bed and straddle his meaty thighs. When he begins to push down your panties, you push his hands off and rest them on his sides.

“Keep them there or you won’t be coming. Understood?”

His curls bounce around his face as he nods, chest heaving when he looks at your hips move over the biggest bulge you’ve felt under you. You would’ve thought that he’d stuffed his underwear with socks if you couldn’t feel the burning heat his cock was pressing in to you, even through his boxers. Each roll of your hips pressed him to your every crevice like two puzzle pieces fitting in to complete the picture.

“Oh fuck-... You feel so good noona. I-I’m going to cum if you keep going.” He’s resorted to use his hands at his sides to push him upwards, pressing himself with every gyrate of your hips downward on him.

“Yeah? you’re gunna cum from just this? Is noona making you feel really good?”

Jungkook is lost in soaking up every sensation like a drunkard. Gaze not leaving where your hips met. Furrowing his eyebrows in deep concentration as he thrust his hips up, rocking you off balance slightly. Your hands slide into his sweaty curls, pulling them hard enough to yank his beautiful face up and close to your own.

“Answer me what I ask you a question.” And he whines. Or moans. Nevertheless it’s a lethal mixture of the two and you’re about to kiss him senseless.

“Yes. I-I feel really good. Noona is- oh fuck- g-gunna make me cum.”

“And are you going to?” He looks up at you nervously, trying to speaking amidst every roll of your flaming core onto his dick. It was getting harder and harder for you to speak as well.

“N-No?”

“Good. Because only good boys get to cum. Not needy sluts like you.”

Now Jungkook whimpers like a wounded animal. Because you’ve upped the ante. Holding onto his shoulders while you grind down on his throbbing cock just the right angle so your clit is receiving the mind-numbingly pleasurable stimulation. You were going to cum any minute and it looked as if he was too.

“F-Fuck. I’m going to cum Jungkook. Your cock feels so good.”

“Noona please. Please s-stop. I-I’m going to cum-“

“That’s not my fucking problem. If you want me to fuck you then you better not. Understood?”

He looks utterly panicked. Torn between letting himself go to the unbelievable pleasure of this act alone and wanting to hold back and obey your every command. Jungkook’s lip is bitten red, chest heaving and eyes watering as he watches the erotic sight of your brazen bouncing on his lap. You’re putting on a show just to make it that much more difficult for him to hold back. But he somehow does. Watching your face contort with pleasure as your head is thrown back. Your moans are loud and lewd. Designed just to rile him up to the point of breaking.

“Oh god. I’m- I’m gunna cum baby.” With a shout, you’re riding out wave after wave of the liquid pleasure running through your veins like molten gold.

It takes a solid minute for your eyes to focus on a singular object. Or a person. More specifically, an incredibly handsome, glistening, starry eyed, muscular, put-micheal-angelo’s-david-to-shame, strikingly adorable man. Jungkook looked on the verge of losing his sanity. Yet, he didn’t stop watching you collect yourself, flicking the stray strands over your shoulder before you pressed your mouth to his.

You brought your mouth to his and kissed him hungrily. When your lips met, you heard him make a tiny sound. His body went rigid, and he wasn’t reciprocating. You think it might have been down to shock, though, because when your tongue slid past the seam of his lips, he opened them willingly and trembled against you.

Your fingers dug into his thighs, and he pulls you closer. You were on fire, felt like you were melting into him. Never before had a single kiss gotten you so worked up. She tasted like chocolate and strawberries. Jungkook rocked forward, and then you felt his tongue move expertly against yours. Of its own accord, a groan emanated from deep in your chest. When he brought his hands to your neck and massaged your throat, you whimper. He was hard as a rock and you finally wanted to reward him for holding out this long.

He’s chasing your lips when you break away, sliding his kisses down your neck as if breaking the contact will be fatal for him. “You did so good baby. Such a good boy.”

The praise seems to rejuvenate his body. Not that he needed to. He was bursting at the seems with testosterone. The longer he went on without a release, the more unhinged Jungkook seemed. The incongruence of his raw masculinity with his alarmingly meek behaviour towards you was something you didn’t understand but it affected you the most. He surprised you with every move and you wanted nothing more than to own him completely.

Jungkook makes a noise in his throat at the praise, sliding his hands down to caress the globes of your ass. “I’ve been a good boy. Now fuck me.”

His words are steady, deliberate and to the point. Scratch everything you said about Jungkook being meek. They send shudders down your spine where his hands reside. This was a man who looked on the verge of tearing something apart. And judging from the current situation, he was going to be tearing you apart. You’d let him, gladly. But being the cocktease you are- you push him even more.

“And if I don’t, little boy? Gunna beg?” A heartbeat later, you’re the one on the soft mattress and it’s Jungkook that’s hovering over you.

He shrugs nonchalantly. “Then I’ll fuck you noona.”

You’re not too mad because you’re wetter than before and the change in his demeanour has you besides yourself with the need to feel him inside. Jungkook’s teeth are tugging on your hardened nipples. Circling them with his tongue before sucking the puffy buds tenderly. The pressure of his suction is so delicious that you might just cum from this.

“God! Jungkook, b-baby please. Fuck your noona.” He grins around a nipple, hands sliding inside your soaked core.

“I don’t know. Maybe I should make you wait like you made me. Hm?”

“Don’t be a brat. I’ll stuff your mouth next time with a sock Jeon J- oh fuck!”

He’d slid down your body, his kissing every inch. Your stomach, your hip bones, your thighs.

“I’d rather it be your pussy.” He whispered, bringing his mouth to your wetness, and then licked.

“Ahhh,” you cried out, clutching a handful of his hair. Jungkook chuckled and went at you in earnest. You were so soft and silky beneath his tongue. He met your gaze from below and came up for air. Jungkook watched you for a second before dipping his wet mouth lower again. The noises of your arousal pornographic. He saw you fist the sheets in your hands, your hips rising up off the bed when he sucked your clit into his mouth and flicked it with his tongue. He added some fingers to the equation, savoring the hot, tight feel of you.

“Please,” you murmured. “More.”

So he gave you more. He gave you everything. Before he knew it, you were touching your breasts, pinching your nipples as he devoured you, and you swear you could have come from the sight of Jungkook between your legs alone. he was simply glorious. Your voice was starting to get hoarse. Getting close to the edge before Jungkook ripped his mouth away.

“No! Jungkook, please.” You’re frustrated and angry and horny that he would do that. Even if you did the same thing to him.

He was testing you once again but the raw need in his eyes told you that you were testing him too.

“I’ll fuck you now noona. Nice and good. You want this cock right?” He’s holding his straining erection heavily, sliding down his boxers to discard them besides his bed.

You moan out your answer, opening your legs wide in invitation.

“Just fuck me before I change my mind.”

“Yeah?” His tone is mocking. His eyes twinkling with a cheeky grin on his face. You almost get up to kiss him because he looked so fucking adorable and hot and sexy at the same time.

Thankfully - or not? - he’s pulling you to the edge of the bed and in seconds, he has pulled you close to his chest. He circles the engorged head of him in your slit before pushing in to the hilt in one thrust. The sheer girth of him has you yelping, needing to adjust to the length of him as well. But Jungkook doesn’t allow you the courtesy of that.

His legs are spread in a powerful stance as his hands grip your legs from behind the knees. And then he’s thrusting. He’s fucking into you so deep, you can feel him in your throat. You must look like a fish at this very moment with your mouth opening and closing without any real sound. He feels hot and thick, like molten lava in your veins. you’re finally finding your voice when angles his hips slightly to the left - biting a spot that has you blinking up at the ceiling full of stars.

“Jungkook! Oh god. Oh f-fuck. You’re so good baby. S-So good.”

“Yeah? You like how deep I am in your pussy? Answer me noona.” He’s quickening his pace, snapping his hips punishingly making you release a guttural scream.

“I love it. So much.”

You watch the sweat drip off his forehead, the dimples in his cheek now very prominent as his tongue peeks out the corner of his mouth. He’s a sight you want to imprint on the back of your eyelids. You can see his lose his resolve, the creases in his forehead slowly deepening as the pleasure becomes too much for him.

“God you feel so wet and tight n-noona. You look so hot when you cum. I w-wanna make you squirt.”

Your eyes bulge out of your head at his admissions. It seems like he’s lost all his filter, chasing the mind numbing pleasure he felt earlier. His words are bringing you even closer to the edge and your throat now begs for relief when you let out another yell as he pushes you up the bed while still fully seated inside you.

“I’m gunna cum noona. I j-just need to... to- I don’t. I don’t wanna h-hurt you-“ His sweet face is contorted with worry, still thrusting steadily. You finally understand his point after a few seconds. Taking you twice as long to comprehend anything with the plethora of feelings your body was feeling right now.

Cupping his face, you told yours upwards to place a small kiss on his wet lips. “It’s okay baby. You won’t break me. Just let go.”

Jungkook’s eyes are glassy and he stares in yours for a moment too long because your heart is doing summersaults, heading straight for your mouth. Too much emotion crammed into his big eyes and you just wanted to strangely hug him close to your chest. This day has been strange enough - so you do. You Pull Jungkook close to you. His face tucks itself in the crevice of your neck, whining and moaning. His breath tickles and sends shivers down your spine. And then he circles his hips against yours.

From the hard and deep fucking, Jungkook circles his hips into yours. Slowly at first, his pelvis rubbing against your clit in just the right way before he speeds up. His hands find their way down your back again, pushing your hips up into his own, making your centres feel everything. You can feel him in every fold of your core and it’s all too much.

“Oh god.” Your hands scratching down his back, head tilted back, legs closing around his waist tightly.

“That’s it noona. Cum for me. Please, please. ‘Wanna feel you around my cock. ‘Wanna feel y-your cunt devour me. Cum.”

You scream so loud that you can hear a ringing in your ears. Vision flashing white as the indescribable pleasure starts in the pit of your stomach and coarse through your limbs all the way to the tips of your fingers and toes. It’s all consuming and breathtaking. Unexpected.

“I-I can’t hold it anymore. Can I-“ You’re unable to speak.

Still reeling from your orgasm, twitching from the sensitivity, but you nod anyway. You wanted Jungkook to let go inside of you. Wanted to give him the same pleasure he gave you. He was incredibly ethereal atop you. You wanted to see him come undone. And Jungkook was too far gone to think twice before hitching one of your legs up, the other arm grabbing the headboard as he thrust up inside you once again.

“Fuck, yes. God, you’re so good you’re so good. I could fuck you forever noona.”

His eyes are watering, tucking his face back into your neck again before he pistons his hips against yours rhythmically. The only sounds in the room being the tacky noise of skin slapping against skin, the obscene squelch from the steady arousal leaking between you both. You’re so delirious from the mix of pleasure and the deliciously addicting pain. AT some point, you’ve stopped screaming and only whimpers leave past your lips, legs falling lax around Jungkook and hands fisting the sheets.

“Cum Jungkook. P-Please baby. Cum for n-noona.”

“‘gunna cum. Am I good noona? your good boy?”

“You’re the best Jungkookie. Cum for your noona.”

“Fuck! Y/n, f-fuck.” He’s shouting something you can’t properly hear because of the ringing in your ears from your own release. Filling you with his hot release. The intense pressure that had been building between you has snapped the frail rubber band in your stomach again. And seems like Jungkook’s had too.

Moments pass, both of you trying to suck in air like it’s the last supply available. Then, Jungkook’s flushed face appears in front of yours with his signature cheeky smirk. He’s glowing.

“You squirted.”

“Shut up!” Your ears must be the shade of a tomato now as you swat his back for the comment. He lays besides you, cuddling up to your side with his leg laying on top of yours. Clinging to you like a koala and it’s too damn adorable. Damn it.

“It was hot. You’re amazing.” Your heart flutters a little too violently at that and you have to suck in another breathe, pulling the sheets off of him and completely bundling them on you.

“Hey!”

“Hm? You’re going to finish that assessment.” You grin innocently at him and try your hardest to not start howling with laughter when you can see his face fall almost in slow motion.

“Are you serious?” You just sent him a kiss before settling in his bed for maybe a 12 hour nap. Just a tiny nap.

“Noona!”

“I’ll give you head when you’re done. Be a good boy.”

With the most adorable pout you’ve ever seen on a grown man, you watch Jungkook pull up his boxers, stomping away to his study desk.

“Wake me up when you’re done Jungkookie.” Your sweet tone does little to get the pout off his face but he does smile the whole time he’s typing.

Of course, not that he let you see that

a/n: liked it? hated it? let me know!!

#bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #hope u like it!!!

4K notes · View notes

sweetestlamb · 3 years

Text

Caged Bird

Summary: “I should let him go right?”

Author’s note: Finally back with another chapter, this one was a bit harder for me than the other chapters because writer’s block was a bish and I kept second guessing myself. I erased so many things and I don’t know if I am even proud of this anymore or if it’s any good LOL but I spent all day writing it so I guess I should post it. I’m not losing motivation but life was beating on my door and I feel like this wasn’t as fleshed out as I wanted it to be but I don’t have the time to flesh it out more and I really didn’t want to go another week without writing, it makes me anxious to leave them unattended for so long. So if you like anything about this let a girl now.

“You told him?” Sujin glances over at Su-ah from her place on her bed, her phone idle on the bed, she’s trying not to text a certain someone too much but that is proving easier said then done with him messaging her without any discretion or care about appearances.

Jukyeong looks knowingly at her phone with a soft smile and she hides the small square too embarrassed even though they hadn’t been talking about anything inappropriate, he was teasing her that she wore his sweaters more than he did these days and asking her if she wanted to go shopping with him so she could pick out exactly which sweater she wanted to steal borrow. She rolls her eyes at the dramatic message, she didn’t take that many of his sweaters, he was just overexaggerating as he was wont to do. She folds the sleeve of her borrowed(thank you very much) sweater over her hands and pointedly avoids looking at the vibrating device.

She has self control.

But a second vibration makes her flaunter for a minute, wondering if he’s saying something important he hardly ever double texts these days. She reaches for the phone gasping when it’s suddenly snatched out of her reach.

“Hey-!” her voice trails off bashfully at the glower on Su-ah’s pretty face, that’s her take no shit face, damn. She sits up straighter giving the girl all her attention lest she become more agitated and try to read the messages, that would be too unsettling. They had both already commented on her recent oversized sweaters, coyly trying to get her to admit to who they truly belonged to. She ignored their teasing and jut her nose in the air each time, they already knew and she refused to give them the satisfaction of saying it out loud.

“Focus on us for one minute. Your boyfriend can wait.” Su-ah states firmly putting her phone on the small desk behind her and she sputters at the comment, red hot flush barreling down her entire body like a wildfire.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” She denies vehemently, cheeks burning hotter from the nonplussed looks she receives from her two closest friends, Su-ah looks utterly unimpressed and Jukyeong can barely contain the smile spreading on her full lips, she opens her mouth to argue harder needing to smother the jolt of pure bliss that surfaced in her belly at the other girl’s bold proclamation but the words get firmly lodged in her throat.

His hands tightly wound around hers, his thumb gently caressing the rough skin of her scarred knuckles. The way she didn’t want to pull away or hide from him, he was looking at her, truly seeing her and instead of fear something warmer spread through her veins.

Those lips on her forehead, the softest sweetest kiss she had ever received in her life. Nobody had ever held her like she was something precious before but that was how he pressed her to his wide chest, her head nuzzled into his fragrant neck as she drowned in his intoxicating scent nervous to breathe him in too much lest she get lost in his spell.

The deep rumble of his voice as he called her “baby”, she had always rolled her eyes hearing couples use such supercilious nicknames with each other, what was the point? Why did being in a couple have to mean that you lost your name and essentially a piece of your identity? It was stupid and childish and she wanted nothing to do with such a transgression, or so she had believed.

Until the moment he called her princess.

What started out as a tease had transformed into something bigger than she had ever expected, she hated it or so she told herself. But when he called her Sujin in the park she felt like a part of her was missing, she wasn’t just Sujin to him anymore. In that moment she had a grand realization she wasn’t losing herself like she had initially thought but rather gaining another layer, she would always be Sujin and that was enough but she could also be his princess, his baby.

When had she turned into such a sap? This was all his fault.

“Hello? Sujin? Are you even listening to me? Hey! Are you seriously fantasizing about your boyfriend right now?” She jumps at Su-ah’s loud voice, slapping a frantic hand over her mouth and looking around as if people will materialize out of thin air.

“Can you stop saying that word, Suho might hear you!” She stage whispers and Su-ah raises a thin eyebrow at her shoving her hand away.

“Why are you so red? Did something happen between you two, you can’t hide anything from us! What happened to “we’re just friends”? She blushes redder at Su-ah’s quotation marks and Jukyeong leans forward excitedly, “Have things changed? Did you tell him how you feel? Oh my god, did you guys...kiss?!”

Su-ah stills at Jukyeong’s question before vibrating violently in her seat and grabbing her shoulders shaking her back and forth, “Sujin did you lose your lip virginity? Did you let him deflower you?!”

Sitting stunned and wide eyed, she stares at her friends expectant faces wondering how the conversation became derailed so quickly? She had invited them both over to explain the Baekyung situation and her conversation with Suho’s father but somehow Seojun had become the star of the night.

“Are you crazy why would you call it that?” She immediately realizes her mistake when both girls turn to look at each other and simultaneously shriek, “She didn’t deny it!,” and she watches in horror as they jump up and starting dancing around the room, then she groans and tugs the hood of the sweater over her head pulling the drawstrings so she is cocooned in the fabric as they start singing off key, “Sujin kissed Seojun! Sujin kissed Seojun!”

Instinctively she grabs a fluffy pillow and flings it across the room in a perfect arch before it lands with a soft thud on Jukyeong’s head, time stops as they all stare at each other and then it’s a flurry as the girl picks up the pillow launching it back and that is how Sujin gets involved in her first ever pillow fight. There are pillows flying every which way and Su-ah and Jukyeong gang up on her, shoving her into the bed and playfully smacking her on her stomach and back as she curls up in a ball body shaking from her laughter.

“Tell us everything and we’ll stop hitting you.” Su-ah promises and she shakes her head in refusal, seconds later she feels a grazing on her sides and she knows what’s coming so she tries to draw away but her means of escape are thwarted by Jukyeong grabbing her by the shoulders and pressing her harder into the bed.

“Su-ah please don’t. This is evil, I thought we were friends.” She pleads staring up at both with beguiling eyes and for a minute she thinks her puppy eyes have succeeded as both release her, but then she feels a barrage of hands on her side and laughter is forcefully pulled from her body as she twitches in a fit, twisting and turning from the hands but to no avail. She feels tears pooling in her eyes from the sensation and this is how Suho finds them, tangled up and breathless from laughter and he stares at them in shock.

“When you guys are done...doing this can you please respond to Seojun? He thinks you suddenly got into an accident or got kidnapped because you stopped responding to him.”

Su-ah turns to her with a look of triumph on her mischievous face, “That sounds like boyfriend behavior to me.”

Suho doesn’t reply except for a twitch in his lip before he slides the door closed behind him, giving them privacy again.

She tries not to rush to her phone but her eyes find their eye over to the device all the way across the room, maybe if she runs really quickly she can make it past the two girls and lock herself in the bathroom?

“I know that look. Whatever crazy plot you’re cooking up is unnecessary, you can have your phone back. I know you two hate to be apart,” Su-ah teases leaning over and then handing her the phone, she stares at it worried that accepting it will be admittance to Su-ah’s claims she hesitates to take it.

Su-ah takes the choice away from her when she places the phone in her outreached hands, “Don’t keep him waiting.” She holds the phone flat in her palms looking up at both her friends, they have identical smiles on their faces and warmth blossoms in her belly.

She’s happy, this is what happiness feels like.

But she’s also overwhelming nervous, she has never done this before, never had someone who made her feel this way. Was it supposed to be this terrifying? Putting the phone down resolutely she turns to her best friends needing their advice.

“I have no idea what I’m doing.” She admits, feeling small and more than a little bit lost. Instantly she is squished in the middle as they both come to sit by her sandwiching her in between them, twin arms thrown over her shoulders.

“We know you’re scared but he likes you, everyone can see that. When you’re in a room together it’s like he doesn’t see anyone else, you are always his focal point.” Jukyeong whispers softly placing her head on her shoulder and she wants to deny that but too many images flash in her mind of him doing just that, him dropping everything and racing to her even in the beginning when she had been a mess and constantly pushed him away. Intimate moments at lunch where his eyes hardly leave her as he ardently watches her eat the food that he had prepared just for her, despite countless girls watching him and squealing his name in the distance.

Everyone had eyes for him, but he only had eyes for....her.

“What if all of this becomes too much for him and he wants someone normal? Someone who doesn’t have all my baggage? Being with me must get exhausting.” She’s still talking about Seojun but a small piece of her is also directing this statement to them, was being her friend as exhausting? Did they ever consider just abandoning her and finding someone who didn’t have such tiresome issues?

“You still don’t understand do you?”

She turns towards Su-ah who blinks wet eyes at her and suddenly her eyes feel moist too.

“Understand what?”

“How much you mean to us. All of us. Nobody could ever replace you, we don’t care about your baggage, we want to help you carry it all.”

She blinks and stares straight ahead, scared of breaking apart.

Is that how Seojun felt too? Was she worth the trouble to him too?

When had her life ever been so simple?

They all jump when her phone vibrates again and this time she doesn’t hesitate immediately picking it up, expecting to see another message from the boy in question but instead a new number appears. She stares blankly at first before suddenly recognizing the number.

“Who’s that?” Su-ah questions, staring at her phone with pursed lips and she swipes the message open.

Dinner tonight?

It feels strange to see that message beneath Seojun’s and she finds herself closing it without responding and opening Seojun’s plethora of messages instead.

I was just joking you can steal all my sweaters.

Are you still there?

Princess?

Can you answer me so I know you’re alive?

He is so dramatic, she doesn’t message him for ten minutes and he’s already thinking the worst but then she remembers all the times he has found her helpless and trembling in the rain and his fear makes more sense. Smiling in understanding she finally replies, I’m okay you worrywart. Su-ah and Jukyeong are here, I got distracted.

ignoring social norm he responds to her immediately not the least bit concerned with appearing too invested.

Don’t scare me like that. I was about to come over.

“Sujin are you sure Seojun is okay with you going on dates with Baekyung, that’s who text you right?” Her head snaps up at the question, she bites her lip in consideration.

“He said he understood. He knows I’m only doing it to help him. But tonight is the last time.”

She shouldn’t be concerning herself with anyone else’s problems, hers were enough on their own. But she couldn’t help it, the other boy was going through the same ordeal as her and she saw herself in his cold numb eyes, he was existing instead of living. She knew what that felt like. She understood him all too well.

“Why does he need your help?” Jukyeong asks innocently and she stills before shaking her head, “It’s not my story to tell.”

They don’t ask anymore questions and she’s grateful for that.

She has to get ready for her date, she can’t help but wish it was with someone else. She doesn’t even want to call it a date, now that she has someone that she wants to do this all with.

She looks beautiful, she always does and he wonders if he might have genuinely liked her if they met under different circumstances? He had never learned what it meant to care for someone, too busy trying to survive but she understood him, they had so much in common. He didn’t like her-his heart wasn’t capable of such emotions he was convinced- but he felt a certain kinship that he’d never felt before with anyone else, maybe they were meant to met each other.

Could she be his destiny?

“I need to talk to you.” He stares at her across the table looking effortlessly elegant and he takes a sip of his water, something akin to dread pooling in the pit of his stomach.

“Talk then,” he answers gruffier than he intended but he can see the apology on her face and his vicious side is making an appearance in anticipation of whatever she wants to say to him. She stares at him for a long time and he wonders if she is second guessing or simply searching for the right words, annoyance surges in the wake of her hesitation he is not some child who needs sugared words or placation. “Just say it already,” he says snarkily and her eyes harden at his harsh tone, that’s more like it he hates to be pitied.

“This is our last...gathering. I can’t help you anymore. I am doing something about my situation and I think you should too.”

Rage builds up in his veins until he can see nothing but red, he thought he finally found someone who understood but here she was judging him and already abandoning him and all for what, some pretty boy idiot who would never understand what it meant to struggle? They were two sides of the same coin and nobody could ever truly love them, how could she not see that? At birth they had been deemed unlovable by their own parents and there was no way to undo that fate, it was best to just accept the hand they had been dealt.

“Do you think he really likes you?” He asks meanly sneering at her with a curled lip, this reminds him too much of Dan-oh, of that stinging rejection and the way she wanted nothing to do with him- too lost in her fucking precious Haru-ah and he can’t stop the vicious words that are falling from his mouth, “You’re just a charity case to him. Like a sick puppy he found outside, he doesn’t like you he just feels sorry for you. It’s pathethic.”

The words land exactly how he intended.

She looks angry but that fades to consternation and then doubt builds in her eyes and he knows he was successful, he has planted a seed of doubt in her mind and that will only manifest bigger and bigger until she cracks under the pressure.

“You’re wrong.” She states but she doesn’t sound certain, he can hear the question at the end and he smiles mentally. He almost feels bad but then the image of the other boy smiling with his perfect family flashes in his mind and any guilt he feels melts away. Why should he have it all when he, Baekyung had nothing?

“I’m not. You’re just a phase for him, he probably think he’s being nice pretending to like you. I’ve seen all those girls around him, why would he want someone whose weak broken and whose parents don't even want her? Don’t be naïve, it’s beneath you Sujin. People like us need to know our place.”

He stifles the little voice in the back of his mind that questions why he’s pushing away someone who only wants to be free, why did she get to escape the prison that they both had been locked in for so many years? Why couldn’t she just accept that they didn’t deserve anyone else and just be with him? Why was he always the last possible choice?

She doesn’t say another word, opening her wallet and throwing down enough money to cover the meal that hasn’t even been brought out yet. The cold look she shoots his way stops him from saying anything, he can see the hurt in her eyes and it’s twisted but he feels a tinge of satisfaction at her expression.

He watches her walk away feeling no better than his father, when had he become such a monster and why didn’t it scare him more?

What did that say about him?

The sound of the doorbell echoes through the spacious house and she wonders if it’s Sujin, and that mere possibility is enough to make her race to the door before her husband can make his way from his seclusion in his study. Most day he didn’t even bother coming out and when he did he didn’t even acknowledge her, it was heaven but it also left her guarded waiting from him to explode and hit her. It was like living in a landmine, she walked lightly as to not be heard.

The face on the other side of the door completely shocks her.

Lee Joo-Hun stands there, looking determined and she stares blankly at him. It has been months since their families have shared a meal together, she saw his visible discomfort every time her husband would berate her or Sujin. Many people showed discomfort but few did anything to help them, it was human nature after all.

Better you than me.

She forces a brittle smile to form on her face. Playing the role of happy wife easily, its a role she has been cultivating for years.

“Oh. I didn’t know you had plans with my husband today. Come on in.” She notices that there is a certain unexplained tension in his shoulders but after only a moment’s pause he nods before stepping over the threshold, slipping off his expensive loafers and not bothering to put on the slippers they have placed for guest. Maybe he doesn’t plan to stay for long.

“I’ll go get him,” she says softly wanting to do nothing of the sort, she has not been on his radar as of late and she had every intention to keep things that way but she can’t show this to their guest. Her husband would be livid if she did anything to harm his relationship with someone he saw as a beneficial business partner. She’s unprepared for the hand that stops her, tight around her wrist she has to force herself not to flinch at the sudden touch.

When she looks back, his eyes are wide and they penetrate through her and she snatches her hand back a fear rippling through her at his stare, he’s looking right through her like she’s made of glass.

“Sorry,” he apologizes and she smiles nervously waving him off, “I was just surprised you didn’t do anything wrong.” But he’s peering at her like he knows everything racing through her mind and she has to glance away, it’s all a bit too much and suddenly the study door opens and all the air is siphoned from the room as her husband exits the room, his face changing quickly when he notices that they have a guest, she knows that the rage that first appeared will make return once they are alone again.

“Why didn’t you tell me that we had a guest?” The inquiry is said innocuously enough, he has long mastered repressing his rage in front of others but she can see the anger in his brows.

Before she can answer, Joo-hun stands between them blocking her completely from her husband’s gaze.

“Let’s talk.” Her husband raises a brow at the commanding tone and she can read him as easily as a book, he’s furious at being spoken to in such a tone but the other man doesn’t give him an opportunity to disobey because he’s already walking into the study. Her husband glares at her as if she is to blame before disappearing into the room and shutting the door in her face.

Without a conscious thought she presses her ear against the door but the wood is solid and she can barely hear anything and she leans back about to admit defeat but then the voices raise becoming progressively louder and she hears her husband shout, tone bristling with fury, “How dare you threaten me in my own home!” and the loud booming voice of Joo-hun rings out, “You disgust me and I will do everything imaginable to make sure you end up where you belong.”

The temperature drops at those chilling words and she takes a step back at the sound of movement behind the door, once again coming face to face with the man.

His expression softens when he sees her but she can still see a glint of hardness beneath the surface. He had expressive eyes, they were part of the reason he had been such a celebrated actor.

He knows.

She’s certain now, he knows what a monster she is.

If her husband deserves to suffer then so does she for everything she has done to her poor little girl, she was just as culpable if not more. If only she hadn’t been a coward and left when he first started hitting her, if only she had gone through with the abortion. She had selfishly brought a child into this world knowing that their life would be hell just like hers because she was scared to be alone. She wasn’t a mother, she wasn’t even fit to be called a human at this point and the look he gives her makes her feel like scum on the bottom of his shoe.

“I’m leaving.” He announces walking back over to his shoes, and she had been right he wasn’t planning on staying long.

A loud bang suddenly fills the empty void, her husbands scream are not too far behind as he flings books and whatever he can get his hands on into the walls.

She knows what fate awaits her tonight.

This is her punishment and it’s exactly what a stain like her deserves.

She stares absently at the ground, the sound of the door knob turning reaching her ears and she knows that she’s going to be alone again. The door opens and she sighs, waiting to hear the door close knowing that in seconds she will be a whimpering mess on the ground.

But the sound never comes, and she looks up to see what’s stopping him and his eyes are still hard but not as sharp.

“Come with me.”

She hears the word but the sentence does not compute and it takes a moment for her to process what he just said, her mind tells her that surely she heard him wrong. There’s no way he said what she thought he said.

But then he reaches out a hand and she stares at his palm.

“Why would you want to help me? I’m not a victim. I knew what he was doing, I knew everything and I did nothing. I am just as bad as him. She hates me too. I didn’t protect her.”

It’s the truth, she lost the right of calling herself a victim as she watched her husband step on her seven year old daughter and her first thought was thank goodness it’s not me. That was the day the light left Sujin’s eyes but hope didn’t fade completely not yet, but each time her father hit her those huge eyes would look her way and each time her heart constricted but helplessness stopped her from acting. It took years but all that youthful hope was extinguished and she never heard that word again, “mother” it seemed fitting since she had never been a mother to the girl.

“I don’t understand why you did what you did. But it’s not my place to judge, despite what you think you are a victim and I am done turning a blind eye. Staying here won’t help Sujin, she needs her mother.”

Sujin needs her? That sounds laughable but then a distant conversation resurfaces in her memory and she feels frustrated tears welling in her eyes.

“What does it mean to be a mother? I can’t answer that question for you but the fact that you’re asking that means you want to try, so do that. Try your best and apologize when you’re wrong. That’s all mothers can do.”

The woman looked so fragile laying in the hospital bed but the strength of her words were undeniable, she didn’t know what made her visit she knew if her husband caught her there would be retribution but she couldn’t stay away. She didn’t even have an excuse and they simply stared at each other before the other woman smiled at her and motioned for her to sit on the chair, she had done so without question.

There were flowers all over the room, both fresh and old.

“Someone must really love you.” She had said and she watched jealously as a maternal smile graced her face, she could almost feel the motherly pride.

“Sometimes my son gets carried away.”

The boy on the motorcycle, she had thought he was just a delinquent but the amount of flowers in the room said otherwise.

That was ultimately what pushed her to ask the silly question: what does it mean to be a mother?

She had never known, her own mother had treated her like a bargaining chip that would lead to the betterment of her own life, naming her fortune only to force her to have anything but that in her life.

The woman had smiled delicately before answering her.

The words swirled around like a tornado in her mind, she hadn’t expected such a simple answer.

“Are you coming?” Joo-hun’s voice brings her back to reality and she thinks about Sujin and the day she was born and how small and vulnerable she looked laying in her arms as they both cried, wailing their hearts out.

She hadn’t known what it meant to be a mother back then and she’s no closer to knowing now but she knows that she wants to try, Sujin might never forgive her for what she did and she wouldn’t blame her. But she still wanted to try, even if it took her whole life she would spend it trying to repent for all her sins.

She takes one small step forward, the shackles that have been tightened around her body her whole life crumbling in the face of her renewed hope.

I want to try.

She isn’t wearing his sweater, it’s pitiful but that’s the first thing he notices when he sees Sujin in the morning, she’s walking alone and he can’t stop the joy that shoots through him at the observation it was never easy to see her arrive with the other boy despite knowing the truth. But today the encroacher is nowhere to be seen and he settles the kickstand of his motorcycle before rushing over to her, without thinking he wraps an arm around her shoulder but then he feels her body tighten at the unexpected touch, “Relax, it’s just me,” he whispers airily but to his disappointment her body becomes more rigid at his words.

He immediately removes his arm, moving out of her personal space- not understanding what exactly is going on but still not wanting to be the source of her discomfort.

He shifts apprehensively, already wrecking his brain to think of what he might have done to warrant such a bitter cold reception from her but coming up emptyhanded. So instead of trying to guess and create his own reasons, he asks her, “Are you okay? Did I do something?”

He can tell she’s going to lie before she even opens her mouth, he watches the swarm of emotions play across her face before she settles on nonchalance, “No. I’m fine, you surprised me. I don’t want to upset your fangirls so I think it’s best if we avoid each other at school.” He stares at her in shock, wondering if this is the same girl who he held on the bench just days ago her lips soft on his cheek and her perfume filling his senses?

“I already told you I don’t care about them. You already know that I only care about yo-”

“Stop. I can’t do this right now I need space, I have to go.” She interrupts him and after a long gaze she stalks away and he wants to follow her, nothing she’s doing is making any sense not after everything they’ve been through. He’d given her everything he could offer and it still wasn’t enough, she was still walking away and he was tired of chasing her, if it was that easy to walk away from him time and time again then maybe he was fighting a losing battle.

He turns around, walking the other direction.

He misses the dark eyes that follow him over a small shoulder. He doesn’t look back. This time he chooses self-preservation.

He doesn’t go to lunch, unable to bear the thought of sitting across from Sujin and pretending that he’s okay when he feels like a hollow fruit. So he escapes to the roof top and instant regret fills him as he remembers all those months ago when he had held the other on this very roof, it had been so different from their hug at the hospital and the hug in the rain. Those hugs were filled with what he thought was affection, but now he doesn’t really know. He can’t understand why she’s suddenly pushing him away again when he thought they had overcome all the barriers between them.

Was it because of her father? Had she only kept him by her side because he had helped her but now that Suho and his father were on her side she realized that she no longer needed him? It pains him to imagine that this could be true but the thought rolls around in his thoughts until he starts to believe it, that has to be it. Was he that expendable to her?

Clearly the answer was, yes.

The rooftop door suddenly bangs open and he hates his heart for speeding up, as he turns around piteously hoping to see her. HIs heart plummets when he’s greeted by a smiling face that’s nowhere as beautiful as the one he hoped to see, he tries futilely to hide his disappointment with a smirk.

He recognizes the girl as one of the people who have confessed to him in the past months, she wasn’t as nervous as the others but it had taken her a few minutes to stutter the words out and he had gently turned her down, he wasn’t cruel because he knew how terrifying it was liking someone and not knowing if it was reciprocated.

She shuffles anxiously on her feet and he wonders how she knew he was up here. Sometimes the girls at school made him uneasy, their fixation with him wasn’t normal.

He watches at she inhales deeply before looking at him with an unwavering gaze.

“I know that you said that you liked someone else and I respect that. But I haven’t seen you dating anyone and I just like you so much you’re all I can think about and .....Cantyoujustgivemeachanceifshedoesntlikeyouback?”

It takes an extra moment to decipher what she said with the rapid speed that she expels the words and he stares at her, her breathe coming out in short winded puffs like she just ran a marathon.

He steps forward purposely, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder before answering her, thoughts of Sujin’s sudden rejection permeating his mind.

She walks away stunned by his reply and he doesn’t go down until the bell rings, he still isn’t prepared to be in the same room as Sujin but he can’t avoid her forever.

The classroom is abuzz, he can hear excited voices as he walks down the hallway and he wonders what bit of gossip has their attention now, he slides the door open only to feel all eyes land on him. The class goes silent before suddenly he’s being bombarded with questions.

“Is it true?”

“Why her? I liked you before she did.”

“Are you finally going to get a girlfriend? It’s not fair you shouldn’t only date one person oppa.”

He ignores them all sliding into his seat and dropping his head onto the table, when they realize that he has no plans of answering their invasive prompts they go back to gossiping about him as if he’s not sitting right there.

He rubs his temple, trying to stop the head ache he can feel forming but he knows that it’s already too late.

The energy shifts in the room and without looking up he already knows why, he can hear the telltale clicks of her shoes on the floor.

He hears Su-ah’s voice shortly after, “What are you all so excited about? Did something happen?”

It’s vindictive but he wants them to hear the gossip so he finally looks up, eyes settled on Sujin who is already looking at him.

“Oh! Su-ah it’s the saddest news, Han Seojun is getting a girlfriend. He finally accepted a confession.” A girl whose name he doesn’t know wails as if her life is over and he watches the confusion morph on Su-ah’s face before he glances over at Sujin and she looks devastated and it suddenly he feels sick instead, what is he doing finding enjoyment in this?

He can’t hold her gaze, he doesn’t know what the look on her face means and he doesn’t want to analyze it, he’s done doing this.

“It’s just rumors.” Su-ah repeats this over and over like a mantra, but she can’t hear a word that the other girl is saying all she can think about is Seojun with someone else. She imagines him smiling and holding someone else, cradling their cheek as he kisses their forehead and wrapping them in his too big sweater while beaming down at them and it makes her rush to the bathroom, water scalding her hands before she can even think about what she’s doing.

“Sujin no!” Jukyeong snatches her hand away from the too hot water and she only fights her for a moment before lets herself be pulled away, losing all her fight.

“Calm down Sujin, talk to us. What happened between you two?” Su-ah asks firmly and gently and she can’t stop the diarrhea of words that explode from her mouth as she tells them everything, Baekyung and how much his words stuck in her mind and her doubts about Seojun and whether she could truly be loved by anyone much less someone as coveted as him. What right did she have to drag him down?

He might like her now, think that he was aiding someone helpless but was that all this was? Was she just something to soothe his ego?

“Do you really feel that way?”

She jumps at the harshness in Jukyeong’s tone, she has never heard the other girl talk like this before. She has never been anything but kind when speaking to her, the tone makes her head spin.

“What?” She replies at a loss for words.

“Do you really think that’s true? Do you believe the words you are saying right now?” Jukyeong presses harder and she stalls at her interrogation, not knowing what she thinks anymore she can barely trust her emotions- they change too quickly without her permission or consent. It makes her miss the days when she felt nothing, numbness overwriting all these pesky feelings.

“I...I...I don’t know.”

The silence drags on before she hears Jukyeong sigh heavily, “Then I think you should let him go.”

It’s the last thing she expects to hear especially from the ever optimistic girl and acid runs through her body at the mere suggestion.

“What do you mean?”

“This isn’t fair Sujin, you can’t play with someone like this. You can’t push him away and then get jealous when someone else shows interest, he’s not some toy that you can pick up whenever you see fit. He is a person, who really cares about you. If you still don’t know what you feel for him then maybe it’s best to let him go.”

She turns to look at Su-ah hopeful that the other girl will say the opposite, will implore her to fight for Seojun. She’s crushed when she sees a similar look on Su-ah’s face. It’s a mix of exasperation and pity, she hates it.

They both think that she should let Seojun go.

She leaves the bathroom with nothing in her mind, walking aimlessly back to class taking her seat and robotically pulling out her notebook. She doesn’t hear one word that the teacher says for the rest of the time, her heartbeat wildly thumping in her chest.

When class ends it takes Su-ah calling her name a few times to break her from her stupor.

“It’s time to go home.”

“Oh.” She starts to put her books away in her bag, dropping one when Seojun walks past her table without a sideways glance, it’s like they are strangers again and that makes her want to scream because this was all her fault.

“Wait.”

She can’t bring herself to speak the word aloud and he leaves, walking away from her just like she had this very morning.

He’s already speeding off on his motorcycle when she gets outside and she sees a girl beaming at his back, surrounded by a group of girls who are congratulating her and telling her how jealous they are.

That must be her, the lucky girl.

The one that had replaced her so easily. She stomps away ignoring Su-ah and Jukyeong’s cries of her name. She knows she has no right, none at all but she does it anyway she has to know if this is really the end.

That’s how she finds herself outside of his apartment, staring at his motorcycle the proof that he is here and not out with the girl from school, it makes the unease in her stomach unfurl slightly. Staring up at the looming building she tries to think of what she can say to him, she should listen to Jukyeong what she was doing wasn’t fair but she can’t lose him, she had undid all the good in one fleeting moment because she didn’t trust them. Baekyung had said the words but she was the one who chose to believe them, the one that let those words wedge a divide between them and for that she was solely to blame.

Saying sorry wouldn’t nearly be enough, but that’s all she can think of as she pushes the door open and calls for the elevator.

The ride has never felt that long all the other times she has visited his apartment, but today it feels like an eternity but when she reaches his floor it feels too soon and she’s not ready.

Which is exactly why the universe gives her no warning and as the doors open she meets his eyes, he looks notably surprised to see her there and takes a step back in his shock.

Once she recovers from her own shock, she takes in his attire he’s no longer wearing his uniform- dressed in all black from head to toe like a grim reaper and she wonders if grim reapers are supposed to be that hot, absently she steps out of the elevator before the doors can close between them. Her tongue feels huge in her mouth as she openly gapes at him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Where are you going?”

Their questions collide and his gaze sharpens once he processes her words, she knows she has no right to question him about anything and his cold look echoes that very sentiment.

He scoffs at her and tries to circumvent around her and she feels the floodgates opening up in the face of his blatant disregard, “I know you’re tired of hearing this but I’m sorry.”

His expression barely changes, as he folds his arms peering down at her.

“Okay.”

He tries to walk around her once more and this time she’s the one to invade his personal space, gripping his elbow to stop him from walking away from her. She has an irrational fear that if he walks away that this will be her last chance, it makes her let down her guard fully terrified she’ll never get another opportunity.

“I was scared, that once you realized that I was always going to be this broken you wouldn’t want me anymore. Even if he goes to jail I’m always going to be like this, a broken fucking mess and how can I ask anyone else to deal with that? How can I ask you to give up on having a normal relationship with someone who won’t need therapy for the rest of their lives? I should give you up, everyone is right. I don’t deserve you. I don’t.”

Despite her rapid blinking a few stray tears escape her tight hold and she watches the wall he put up around his heart gradually start to stilt away as his eyes opens up in the face of her palpable dismay.

“Sujin.”

“Please let me finish, if I don’t say it now I’m scared I never will.”

He stares at her before nodding slowly.

She takes a deep breathe before continuing, “I’m not good girlfriend material, no don’t argue I’m not. I will doubt us all the time and I won’t always talk to you about my feelings because I’ve spent so many years ignoring them, I only spoke to you last time because it involved your family. I knew I couldn’t keep that from you but this didn’t seem as important. I should be able to handle it on my own, I’m not a baby. I’m too impulsive and selfish and a coward and....I shouldn’t burden anyone with dating me.”

It looks like it’s taking everything in him not to rebuttal, because when it really matters he always listens to her.

“I know that I haven’t made this easy on you and I should have just let things be-let you be with someone normal, but I can’t and I know why, I’ve always known why but I was too scared to admit it. I can’t just be friends with you anymore.....I want more.”

She can’t believe it but the words are now out in the universe, the ones that she has been thinking for months and swallowing every time he showed her how much he cared about her, and he looks taken back by her confession, she hadn’t planned on saying that when she showed up but now it feels stupid to keep it to herself, if she’s going to lose him then she might as well be honest, at least once in her life.

“Can I speak now?”

She doesn’t know if she’s ready to hear what he has to say, but it’s only right since he listened to her, taking a centering breathe she nods at his inquiry preparing herself for the worst.

“You are selfish.”

Her heart sinks at his words, that isn’t a good start and even though he is merely echoing her words it burns deeper to hear them from him.

“And impulsive and so damn confusing, you’re hot and then you’re so damn cold and I’m only human Sujin I can’t just pick myself up after you push me away every time, I get hurt too.”

She tries not to bristle at his tone and the lack of nicknames, feeling her heart sink into her stomach now.

“When that girl confessed to be do you want to know what I thought?”

She blinks at the sudden change in topic and her immediate answer is no, she does not want to know at all but he doesn’t even give her a moment to reply before he’s answering his own question.

“I thought she is so straightforward and this is so different, I don’t have to guess about her feelings she wears them on her sleeve, this is so much easier being with her would be so much easier.”

Her first real confession and rejection all in one day. She has always been an overachiever and it’s only fitting that this would be no different, blinking harshly she forces the tears to stop she has no right to make him feel guilty, everything he said was right and she couldn’t blame him for choosing the path of least resistance.

“Thank you. For everything, I really mean it.” She bows at him before turning around, she can’t stay here for another minute not knowing that he’s no longer hers and probably never was in the first place.

It’s all too cruel.

She presses the button, she should just take the stairs but this will buy her a few extra minutes with him, it’s pitiable but she wants to savor every remaining moments.

The elevator arrives, gleaming metal doors sliding open and she steps inside ready to go home and cry her eyes out.

But then a large hands wraps around her wrist and she’s suddenly tugged backwards her back slamming into his chest.

“Where are you going? Did I say I was finished?” His voice is rough in her ears and she can feel the rapid beat of his heart through his skin, it amps up her own racing heart too scared to even hope but she feels brittle and unsteady his body is the only thing keeping her upright.

“Dating someone else would be easier, but the thing is I don’t want easy. I’ve never wanted easy, I just wanted you in anyway that I could have you. So why are you trying to “set me free”? Fuck that self sacrificing bullshit, you said it yourself you’re selfish so hold on to me and don’t let me go, when you have doubts hold on to me tighter. I’m not some caged bird that you’ve imprisoned, I’m the guy who likes you and that’s not going to change because you pushed me away. Do you feel feel that? That’s fear. You’re scared to lose me. Good, remember this feeling and how much it makes your heart ache and hold on to me tighter.”

She hiccups at his words, tears pouring down her cheeks now and she finds herself turning in his arms before her brain can catch up, relief washing over her so profoundly she sways a little on her feet.

He has a shit eating grinning on his face as he stares down at her.

“You didn’t accept her confession.”

He rolls his eyes at the statement, pulling her closer although there is no space left between them.

“No I turned her down again but some girls saw us come from the roof top together and they started spreading rumors anyway and I couldn’t be bothered to stop them.”

She stares unimpressed at him, reading between his lines and feeling foolish because she fell right into his trap.

“You knew it would make me jealous.”

He shrugs noncommittedly, “I hoped it would help bring you to your senses.”

Has she been brought to her senses, she’s not sure she feels crazier than before his words echoing in her brain and she’s moving before she even knows what her intentions are, his smile starts to slip away and he releases her and makes an apprehensive retreat backwards and she automatically follows him, he steps back, she steps forward, another step back and she steps forward again, they do this dance until he’s pressed against the wall with nowhere else to run.

“Why are you running?”

He blinks looking dazed and she takes that opportunity to move in closer, cradling his face in her hands before leaning her head forward until only an inch separates them, a scratching noise comes from the wall and when she glances down she can see his nails digging into the paint, she hums at the sight and the implications.

She was clawing at his resolve.

Skin vibrating like a livewire she gently pulls him down, until they are eye level and their breaths are curling in the miniscule space between them, those feline eyes are darting all over her face before they land on her lips, she sinks her hands deeper into his hair.

“Are you sure about this?”

She has to ask one last time, this all feels like a dream and she’s terrified of waking up and finding that she imagined this all.

He doesn’t answer at first, too busy staring a hole through her face but she waits patiently, remembering all the times he had waited for her.

“What?”

“Can I really keep you? Do you really want to be mine?”

It’s so cheesy and sappy and all kinds of ridiculous, nothing that she ever imagined for herself because she never thought anyone would make her want to say these kind of sweet nothings but here they are- and there’s no turning back now she waits for his reply with bated breath and this time he barely pauses for a second instantly answering, “I’ve been yours this whole time. Are you mine though can you let me in?”

When you have doubts, hold on to me tighter.

She drags him the rest of the distance between them, her lips barely grazing his own and it’s crazy because her lips are already on his, soft flesh upon flesh but it takes a moment to realize that she’s actually kissing him, she is kissing Han Seojun. They are kissing.

She has no idea what she’s doing and she leans onto her tiptoes pressing more firmly against his mouth, imitating the kisses she has seen on tv and from couples in the hallway at school twisting her head to find a better angle but something still feels wrong and it takes another moment to realize what’s wrong.

He is frozen on the wall, completely still under her ministrations.

And she immediately pulls away, apologetic and feeling bone deep shame.

“I’m sorry! I had no right to spring that on you, you barely forgave me and I did that. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

His eyes are glossy and his cheeks are so red and it’s almost too beautiful to look at, how was she not supposed to kiss him when he was looking like that?

“Don’t apologize, you just made my brain short circuit. Come here.”

She blushes bright at his too honest admittance, feeling giddy from the power that she seems to have over him. She had been scared that her inexperience would be off-putting for him.

He tugs her back, letting her body block him in against the wall and she gasps at the warmth of his body he’s so hot even through the layers of clothes separating them. Her breath hitches when he starts to lean back down and this time when their lips meet it feels like the universe has righted itself, the stars and the moon are aligned and something clicks inside her like a gear snapping into its rightful place.

It’s a simple kiss, a mere press of lips to lips but it is perfect and sweet- nothing like what she imagined because her mind could never fathom something so ideal, the softness of his mouth on hers is enough to make her toes curl and when he wraps his arms around her waist, one hand tight on her back as he eliminates any space between them dragging her impossibly close, she sighs unable to contain her delight as a smile works its way across her lips. He chuckles into the soft press of their first kiss and she can’t help the answering giggle that she lets out, to anyone else they would look deranged but she doesn’t care, this was real.

He breaks away only to pepper kisses all over her face- first her forehead then her cheeks, her nose and even her chin, all left warm in the wake- and she blushes under his passionate and diligent attention before grabbing his face and kissing him harder on those plush red lips, hands tight on his hair as she tastes him for the first time. He’s intoxicating and she knows she can never go back to being just friends, not when his flavor is thick on her tongue and she knows what his moans taste like.

Not when his hands are bruising tight on her waist and his scent is coiling around her like a blanket that she never wants to be without.

She was allowed to have this and she would relish every minute.

He sits awkwardly on the couch with the woman he has only ever seen a handful of times, when his father had called him and asked for a favor he had never expected this. He had been completely flabbergasted to see the woman on his doorstep but stepped back to give her entrance, nonetheless.

He knew that his father meant well, was hoping that the two would be able to reconcile like they had but he was forgetting how much they fought before getting to where they were now. It had been an arduous path to restoring their broken relationship and he feared that Sujin and her mother had differences that might be irreconcilable .

She looks like Sujin, just more weathered and beaten down by life in her expensive clothes and jewelry none of it doing anything to hide the sadness that wafts off her in ebbs and waves. He tried calling the other girl several times but to no avail as he reached her voicemail over and over again, he knows that there is no way this can end well but he couldn’t kick the woman out either, not to be with that sadistic bastard.

“I should go. She won’t be happy to see me.” She states matter of fact and he’s not a good enough liar to try to argue with her so he says nothing at all, staring at the floor in silence.

Then the jiggle of keys reach his ears and they both sit taller, gazing at each other wild eyed as the door pushes open.

Sujin looks blindingly happy, a wide smile stretched across her face and he contemplates throwing a blanket over the woman’s head to hide her- just so the girl can enjoy a few more seconds of happiness but it’s already too late, Sujin slips off her shoes putting on her slippers and walking over to him, her eyes are still on the ground and then she finally looks up and all the air is sucked out of the room.

All of the joy and exuberance that had previously been imbedded in her pores dissipates and he sees a look so numb, it feels like he’s seeing the Sujin from months ago cold and shivering in Seojun’s arm, the one that didn’t want to live and saw her life as expendable.

He wonders if he did the right thing? Would she ever forgive him for this?

She doesn’t say a word, throwing the keys on the table and sprinting back to her shoes, haphazardly stuffing her feet back into them and shooting him one final look of betrayal that makes his blood turn to ice before she slams the door behind her, the sound so powerful the walls vibrate.

“She hates me.”

From that look on her face, her mother wasn’t the only one.

#true beauty #junjin #bmtl #han seojun #kang sujin #chapter 11 #more teen angst #oops

41 notes · View notes

hopeshoodie · 3 years

Text

I can’t believe it took me until part 8 to do my favorite boy but

Here are the pros and cons of dating

Noah

Cons

Noah is really non confrontational, so he tends to let issues fester. It’s not that he’s trying to let things build up, it’s just that he doesn’t think they’re important enough to bring up. He won’t start a fight about them when they’ve built up, but if MC is angry about something he’ll mention that there’s a bunch of things he’s let go but not have specifics. It ends up coming out like ‘yeah well what about all the other things?!’ ‘what other things!?’ ‘I don’t remember!!’. He’s not actively keeping track of all her mistakes, he genuinely does forgive and forget, but then when tensions come to a boil he needs to point out that there has been conflict that he just ignored. He’s not trying to guilt or gaslight MC, but sometimes it feels like it. If she thinks especially little of his intentions, it feels like he’s just pulling things out of thin air to be mad instead of focusing on the issue. That’s not what he’s doing- he just doesn’t address little things until they feel like big things. But of course he hasn’t done the introspection to truly understand how doing this is hurtful or articulate that he doesn’t mean it to be.

When he and MC disagree, he lets things go wayyy too easily. This is fine if MC is a really mature, self-reflective person who can see that she’s crossed a line after the fact. But if MC is a little more selfish/immature, like Lottie, this is a huge con because he doesn’t give her accountability that would help her grow. We saw this with Hope- she wasn’t able to recognize how harmful her temper was when she was dating Noah because he never pointed it out, he just rolled over. If there’s a genuine problem- financial, emotional, logistically, he’ll ‘let it go’ until it’s a way bigger problem (and much harder to solve).

Sorry that most of these cons are about how he fights with people, but that’s what we saw in-game lol. I’d love to know more about how Lucas or Rahim fight with their partners. But when you’re arguing, Noah tends to focus on really little details of what you said instead of listening to the whole thing and getting a sense of the bigger picture. So let’s say the issue is ‘Noah, I need you to tell me when you’re borrowing my car because you took it to the gym and then it went from having enough gas to get me to work in the morning to being on empty. This morning I had to stop for gas and that made me late.” The issue there is actually ‘please tell me when you’re using my car”, but he fixates on the gas part and says “well fine I can fill up your tank”. So he focuses on little details that he can fix instead of acknowledging the actual problem.

He internalizes things so fucking hard. Yes he intellectually knows that when MC gives him feedback on things she’s talking about his BEHAVIOR and not him as a person, but he definitely feels like shit about himself if he makes a mistake and MC calls him on it. He’ll definitely beat himself up about things for weeks after it happens, and his internal dialogue in general is pretty toxic.

I can see him being a bit of a workaholic. Not in the same sense that Camilo is in Boat Party, but Noah definitely will go into the library on a day he’s scheduled to be off if he has projects to work on or will stay late because he got engrossed in research. Same thing now that the library’s closed because of COVID- it takes him two times as long to put everyone online and work from home, so he’s spending more time working than ever. He views it through the lens of the ‘greater good’- getting that display set up for the patrons is more important that seeing his wife two hours earlier because many members of the community outnumber one person. Plus he just cares so much about his work that he has a hard time seeing it as an inconvenience to other people.

He loves his family so much. Even when MC and he get married and have kids, he struggles to prioritize them over his siblings and parents. So if his little brother Arlo needs money, Noah won’t hesitate to give him a loan even if he and MC are struggling financially. If his aging mom or dad can’t live alone anymore, Noah will invite them to move in with his family, even if their house isn’t big enough to accommodate more people. I can see this being a huge point of contention, especially in that second scenario where MC would have to take on a caretaker role as well. Noah just wants to help people so bad and has a hard time saying no, so that can sometimes impede his partner.

He’s really used to living on low income, and so he has a lot of frugal habits and concessions that he thinks are normal that someone more middle or upper class might find irritating. These are all coming from my experience and things partners have complained about- but think things like only eating out once a month or refusing to turn the heat on until it’s dangerous or making his own laundry detergent. He grew up doing them out of necessity (and still does, student debt on a public librarian’s budget? I couldn’t do it), so he doesn’t realize how strange or frustrating his habits might be to someone who isn’t used to it. He also has a really hard time justifying spending excessive amounts of money, so if MC has lavish taste there’s going to be some conflict.

He doesn’t like initiating anything. Conversations, activities… you know *smirk emoji*. He will, but the ratio of when Noah suggests something to when MC does is like 1:8

My boy is beautiful, and his clothes look lovely, but he has 7 outfits that he rewears all the time. The closest thing to fashion is him putting a different button up shirt underneath his vest. It’s definitely a joke at work that he wears the same sweater, button up, and quarter length shirt just in different colors. You know that vine where the teacher walks into the room wearing the same shirt in different colors, saying the same ‘hello’ for like a million days. Noah’s coworkers remake that with him, because that’s exactly what he does.

He’s a bit of a homebody, and loves routine. For me, massive plus, I love that. But for someone who wants to party regularly or be spontaneous, I can see constantly changing plans and going out with people being really draining to Noah. He has a small group of close friends, so he’d struggle to remember MC’s friends' names if she has more than five. Don’t get me wrong, Noah will take MC to galleries and dates at least three times a month, but it has to be discussed and scheduled in advance.

Pros

Honestly, what isn’t a pro about him? Noah is a steadfast, thoughtful, and kind person. His politics are about taking care of people, providing them dignity and respect, and building community. He loves his family and is incredibly patient. He’s incredibly smart but not at all classist or condescending about it. I know this is supposed to be about how the islanders affect the person they’re dating, but oh my god he’s such a good person I love him. Let’s just say the pro for this is his positive aura.

He’s really good at group dynamics and listening, so he goes out of his way to make everyone feel heard and valued. If someone says something and no one acknowledges it, he’ll specifically engage with them so they’re not left hanging. If someone’s trying to get a word in but can’t, he’ll get everyone’s attention then say ‘so and so had an idea’. He’s not one to boisterously laugh in group settings, but he always makes eye contact and smiles if you make a joke that flops or say something he agrees with. If people are teasing about something, he picks up if it’s gone too far really easily and will gracefully change the subject/tell them to knock it off.

He’s super conscientious about respecting boundaries and ensuring the people around him are taking care of himself. If MC and him are long distance and texting after 10pm, he’ll be like “I love you, but we’ve both got to sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow”. He’ll always check and make sure people have eaten when meeting up with them, and if they haven’t he’ll insist they get food from somewhere. 100% gives you his jacket, brings you water bottles, in general just wants you to take care of yourself.

Above all else, Noah just always ensures the people around him feel safe. The last thing he’d want to do is make people uncomfortable, so safe driving, safe spaces, safe sex are all musts. He’s really good in crisis situations because he can calm people down and encourage them to think critically.

Building off of that, he’s really aware of how much of the housework is being done by who and always tries to ensure he’s doing his part. I bet that was a big thing he ripped on Rahim for- Rahim expects his woman to clean up after him and do the bulk of the domestic work, and Noah knows that’s bullshit. I think Noah likes cleaning, anyways, and will usually take laundry/disinfecting bathrooms/cleaning dishes over cooking or running errands. But the mental load of keeping track of recipes/groceries that need replenishing and keeping up with kids needs, he’s aware of the imbalance and does his part. Obvious plus, because it sounds fucking exhausting to date a man. He fucking hates vaccuming though, and will splurge on a roomba.

He has a dry sense of humor that’s very based in puns and hyperbole. Sometimes it’s hard to know when he’s joking or not, but he never makes you feel bad for missing a joke or dwells on something for too long. He absolutely subscribes to the Mcelroys’ No Bummers rule, there are some things you don’t joke about and he’s happy to shut down inappropriate comments or ‘jokes’. He definitely prefers physical gaffs and dumb ways of saying things, so his favorite comedians are John Mulaney and Chris Fleming. While humor isn’t an important part of how he relates to other people, Noah enjoys being around funny people and won’t shut down their energy like Rahim, Marisol, or Hope.

This is just me projecting again but Noah is generoussss. Even though he doesn’t make a lot of money at the library, he still has a ‘mutual aid’ budget each month (and goes over it often). He’s the first one to give money to panhandlers, donate to gofundmes, and give friends/family personal loans. That definitely gets him into sticky situations sometimes, because he has a hard time saying no and can get taken advantage of, but ultimately I think it’s a pro because he’ll never forget where he came from and always prioritize helping other people.

He has a really pretty, deep singing voice and this is a pro to me because fuck I meltttttt.

The shit he says to his partner or spouse? THE most romantic thing in the world. You think Mr. “you’re made of stardust” doesn’t shower his lover with the most meaningful lines at random times? You think he’s not quoting sappho and jane austen when he’s at a loss for words? You think he’s NOT going to turn over in bed on a lazy Saturday and say ‘this is the most perfect my life will ever be’? It’s not even prompted either, yes he’ll compliment Bobby or MC when they get all dressed up for date night, but more often he’ll profess his adoration in the middle of dinner, then take another forkful of food.

Fantastic with kids, and this is a huge pro because people who can work with kids and be patient/positive with them make me so fuckim soft. But if/when (hopefully when because if MC didn’t want kids I don’t think it’d last) they had kids, Noah is happy to be on bottle duty, wake up early to the baby, and generally be a really involved parent. He’ll take a big chunk of paternity leave, and generally be there as much as humanly possible. Even when they have multiple little tyrants running around, he always makes time to be alone with MC and make sure she’s not taking on too much.

He’s basically a lesbian, which is definitely a reason I love him so much. Hear me out- loves milfs, loves 80s music, communicates affection through meaningful glances and playing with hair but will die before explicitly saying any of it, crushes on his best friend for the longest time but never makes the first move, puts way too much emotional meaning and personal metaphors into objects and then presents them as gifts, is into fandoms and actively collects pop figures, is attracted to assertive/powerful women, wears beige skinny jeans, wears VESTS….. That’s a lesbian. He’s a bisexual man, but he’s also an honorary lesbian.

A really good confidant. Noah’s an amazing listener and never judges people harshly- his life philosophy is as long as you’re not hurting anymore or yourself, everything else is details. So you can definitely tell him secrets and confess regrets to him and he’ll listen with those soft eyes and gentle nods. Talking to him about mistakes always feels like unburdening yourself. And he’d never tell your secret to anyone. Doesn’t matter if you cheat on him, lie to him, or die, he’s never going to tell anyone your secrets.

#litg #litg noah #pros and cons

41 notes · View notes

rigelmejo · 3 years

Text

I’ve talked about listening reading method before. And i’m bringing it up again lol! for 2 reasons - first, i found a very nice practical article on it today (skip to the LAST section to just click this ToT), and second because i’m finally in the Mood to l-r Guardian again so i’m gonna see how many chapters i can do today.

A quick summary - what is the listening reading method?

It’s primary goal: acquire vocabulary and grammar over time, also improve listening comprehension.

You may also improve reading comprehension to an extent, but not necessarily - reading comprehension is highly dependent on how much you read the text in your target language (like if you have a parallel text and look at the target language often), if you do step 2 AGAIN after step 3, etc. Since using the text IN the target language is optional, your reading comprehension improvement is also optional.

*I personally think the activities that help reading comprehension most (that are adjacent to the activities in l-r method) are: doing step 2 AFTER step 3, or simply reading the target language text after either step 1 or step 3 (so reading the target language text after you’ve just seen the english text and have context). I often read a translation, then go and read the chinese version a few hours after, and my ability to pick up new words/follow along is MUCH easier than if i’d just read the chinese with no context. It should be noted either of these activities can be done on their own, so again its more ‘listening reading method’ adjacent rather than actually part of the method. The method is primarily listening comprehension.

What you do:

3 steps, and all of them are optional except for step 3. I do however recommend steps 1 and 2 if you have never read the novel you use before. Or if you’re new to studying the language and aren’t used to the sound of it/word boundaries yet. You will need: a novel translated into a language you understand, that same novel in your target language, audiobook in the target language. The novel can be a parallel text if you’re lucky enough to find a combined text.

Notes: you will have a much easier time if the audiobook MATCHES the text! Especially matches the paragraphs (no paragraphs omitted in the audiobook) and ends chapters in the same places the text ends chapters. LOTS of cnovels have audiobooks which will omit paragraphs, or end audio ‘chapters’ in random places... this requires you to focus a lot harder on keeping the audio and text aligned. Its still useable, but you will feel way less exhausted if you can just find audio that reasonably matches the text (at LEAST that matches each paragraph without cutting anything... you can mark when it ends yourself if the chapter ends aren’t the same, but suddenly missing paragraphs sucks).

Step 1: (optional) read the novel in a language you understand (for me that’s english). This step is so you have context/familiarity. If you use a novel you already know/love, skip this. This can be skipped period, but if its a new novel to you then you may find step 3 more difficult.

Step 2: (optional) listen to the target language audio while following along with the target language text. Your goal is primarily to get familiar with the sounds of the language, and word boundaries. Once you are comfortable with following along to this speed of speaking, and recognizing word and phrase boundaries, you can stop doing this step. At this step learning new words is not necessary - although if you’re an intermediate learner you MAY pick up some new words and if that happens feel free to KEEP doing this step as long as its helpful. (Alternatively - you can continue doing this step, put it after step 3 at that point, and use it to match words you recently learned the SOUND of in step 3 and then match them to the spelling/hanzi/kana etc with the help of the target language text).

Step 3: (mandatory) listen to the target language audio while following along with the translation in a language you fully understand. So basically, listening to the novel target language audiobook with a translated transcript. It is important at this step to focus ON the audio. You are attempting to comprehend the audio. You look at the english (or whatever language you comprehend) text to KEEP your place in the audio. You look at the text to lookup any unknown words/phrases etc that you hear. You are not reading the english text with the audio in the background. You need to pay attention TO the audio. You are using the english text to fill in the gaps of your understanding - to look up meanings in real time, and hopefully hear new words+see their meanings constantly enough that you start picking up new words. Your english text is to ensure you can look up any part of a sentence you don’t understand, that you can follow along with the meaning of the audiobook as you listen. Over time, you will pick up more and more.

---

You can continue to do this for hundreds of hours. Get through a novel completely - you may wish to do the same novel again 2-3 times, until there’s no more that you are picking up from it. Or you might chose to move onto another novel. There’s no major drawback i can see to jumping between novels either - if you’d like to just do segments of multiple. However, since authors usually use their own preferred vocabulary, you will most likely have MORE vocabulary/phrase repetition if you stick with one author for a few dozen hours - and the repetition will help you really learn it. With basic vocabulary, any text will likely give you enough repetition to learn them. But if you want to learn genre specific words, or author specific words, or just words used less often... sticking to one novel for a WHILE will likely give you more repetition to pick them up. (Just like intensively or extensively reading ONE novel all the way through will help you pick up a lot more author specific words, versus reading only a few chapters before moving onto a new author).

Once you can listen to the audiobook without the text, and understand it and follow along well, you may want to move onto another novel. If you want to test yourself - pick another novel of the same difficulty or slightly easier, listen to that audiobook on its own, and if you can understand it fine without any text to look up the unknown parts, then you’ve reached a ‘natural listening’ stage. The creator of this method says this usually took them a few novels before they’d get to this point. I haven’t lol so i’ll let you know if i do. I’m still at the ‘can do step 3 basically as long as it keeps benefiting me.’

So at the minimum, the process is - be familiar with the text already (step 1 if you need it), be familiar with the sounds of the language/listening to it spoken (step 2 if you need it), then listen to the target language audiobook while following along with a translation in a language you fully understand. Focusing on the audio and attempting to understand as much as possible, using the text as reference to help you. As you follow along, you can use that translation to learn new words/phrases, get an understanding of the grammar you hear, and continue picking things up until eventually you can understand the audiobook on its own.

*It should be noted, the original creator of this method would do L-R for 6-10 hours a day, and would do a novel for 50-100 hours. They would intensively study. They aimed to use longer novels as that gave them more study material/study hours (if you’re learning chinese we have ample long novels to pick). So expect noticeable progress in 20 hours, 50 hours, etc. Not in 2. Study in general is like this anyway - we don’t see noticeable language learning progress doing anything in like 2 hours pretty much. But its just something to keep in mind - even if you do L-R a novel intensively and finish one within a couple weeks or a month, you should still expect that it will take a lot of hours. Look at how long the audiobook is, and then know if you do step 1 and 2 it will take 2 or 3 times as long as that audiobook is.

Guardian is 106 chapters (before the extras), with roughly 20 minute audio files per chapter of audiobook - so it will take 2120 minutes, or 35.33 hours to do step 3 (assuming I don’t lose my spot in the text). Step 2 will also take 35.33 hours in a best case scenario. Step 1 will probably take me 17 hours on a BEST case scenario if I read at my fastest, which I might not. So to finish L-R Guardian it will take me 87.66 hours... or 52.33 hours if i just completely skip step 2 (since i already can hear word boundaries/have some basic listening comprehension). So... Listening Reading method is time consuming. A benefit might be - you get to do study hours spent reading/experiencing a cool audiobook, and getting to engage with the original novel and translation. If you were going to do that in your free time in some way anyway, then using it to study can be fun. And unlike trying to get 50 hours of another study method in, if you are a serious reader/you can keep your attention focused? You could probably get these 50 hours done within couple weeks or a month - just like how when you get interested in a novel you can read it in a few days/weeks. Which is definitely a sweet thing if you can get focused on L-R that much... definitely more hours spent studying per month compared to when i intensively read (i spend maybe 12 hours intensively reading a month when i’m reading a lot).

The person who initially did Listening Reading Method would do 100-200 hours, would go through novels 2-3 times then move onto another, and would do it intensively in the span of weeks and a few months. They made very fast improvements - but hours spent wise, it makes a lot of sense. Its a ‘fast’ way to learn a lot, in the sense you can do it intensively in a short period of days/weeks. But the hours spent is still gonna be a LOT.

And you can also... just be lazy. I’m lazy. ToT You can also just do L-R as desired. I maybe do it once or twice a week. Or maybe 4 chapters every couple weeks lol. I certainly don’t do it intensively over a consistent period. (That said, i think you will probably pick up more things, more Quickly, if you study daily with this method using the same novel - since repetition helps you remember things and pick them up). I’ve done maybe 12 hours of listening reading overall, using a few different novels (so no significant chunk of any of them). I already noticed immediate benefit from doing it. If you’re a mid-beginner+, and already know words through reading? Simply doing the L-R activity helps with listening comprehension skills immediately. While I pick up new words/phrases, its definitely the slower thing I notice. The quickest thing I notice improvement in, is how much BETTER I know all the words I ‘kind of’ knew before from reading alone. Now I have much better instant listening recognition of words, have much better instinctive idea of how ‘phrases’ should sound in listening when people actually speak - the way they flow, how to immediately recognize them. That’s improved my overall listening comprehension to audiobooks, shows, people speaking. Also its improved my reading comprehension - I can now zoom through reading phrases because I recognize them as full chunks, I can now zoom ‘internally sound out what i’m reading’ faster and that causes me to stumble less when I’m reading to myself. All these benefits i noticed as early as like 6 hours into L-R. I also do notice myself picking up a few new words, but I imagine that will happen more once I am done ‘fully’ picking up words I already half knew. I also, again, think if I L-R more regularly, I would notice myself picking up completely new things at a faster rate (because they’d quickly also become ‘partly learned from that initial exposure’ then reinforced over and over). Anyway my point is - if you already have SOME comprehension of the language you’re studying, L-R can within a short amount of time help you improve your listening comprehension of things you already ‘know’ or ‘partly know.’ While picking up new stuff will also happen, I do think that will take longer (and I think beginners are most likely to notice rapid ‘completely new stuff’ pick up since they don’t have material ‘half learned’ bouncing around like I do lol).

This is the original Listening Reading Method article which is long and so, I understand if you just skim it lol: http://users.bestweb.net/~siom/martian_mountain/!%20L-R%20the%20most%20important%20passages.htm

---

Like I said, you can do a lot of variations on it lol. Doing step 2 alone and TRYING to learn word meanings could be very useful if you’re already an intermediate learner and just need to learn Spellings of words you know by sound, or you can understand the meaning of words in context (so you don’t need another language translation to know the meaning of a word). Doing step 2 After step 3 i think is pretty beneficial if you WANT to also work on reading comprehension for the new words/things you learn. (Or just reading the text in the target language, after doing step 3 since you will have the context/meaning fresh in your mind).

---

Finally, this is the article I read on using the Listening Reading Method for languages very unfamiliar to you. I find a lot of its explanations very to the point and clear: http://users.bestweb.net/~siom/martian_mountain/!L-R/lr_for_grasshoppers.html

#l r method #listening reading method #study method

16 notes · View notes

xnchxntmxnt · 3 years

Note

Hi Spencer!! Ahhh I hope you’ve reached 200 by the time you get this! It’s been so amazing watching you grow and your works have brought lots of comfiness into my life 🥰 thank you so much for creating and writing and making one of the most aesthetic blogs I’ve ever seen (hehe love the constellation aesthetic) sending lots of positive vibes and appreciation your way 💕

For the matchup event (ahh it’s my first time ever doing one and I hope I didn’t put too much 😱) thank you in advance 💖

Name: eggu

Pronouns: she/her

Preferred partner: open to anyone

MBTI: INFJ

Horoscope: Aquarius

Aesthetic: light academia, soft, oversized sweaters, korean street wear, fandom merch, white and pastels, 4:00 am talks about life, stars and clouds

Some things about me:

I took piano, dance and martial arts lessons growing up and I still enjoy playing piano a lot

I enjoy playing video games on my spare time (I’m currently selling my soul to genshin impact)

I really love music of all genres but I’m currently really into kpop and khiphop (my favourite artists are seventeen and stray kids)

I really like naps and sleeping in general and prefer it over eating — I would say I have pretty low energy in general

I like desserts, pastries and dim sum

I recently got into watching art streams, journaling and collecting cute stationery

I’ve pretty much been a huge geek/fangirl all my life and have loved reading and animation since I can remember

I just finished watching jujutsu kaisen and am currently watching fruits basket (lol I enjoy both extreme shounen and fluffy shoujo)

I’m human and have lots of insecurities but I’m learning

Ideal traits in a partner:

Able to appreciate the quiet moments

I’m not a super physical person, but it would be nice to be physically close to someone I trust and that respects my boundaries

Trustworthy — didn’t have a great past relationship 😞

Isn’t afraid to keep up with banter and has witty remarks... someone that can keep me on my toes

Is driven in something they love

willing to learn and grow alongside me

@eggutartu

Thank you so so so much!! 💕💕💕 i worked really hard on the aesthetic so I’m glad you like it and I’m glad you like what I write! If you ever have ideas, don’t be afraid to share!

Anyway, onto the notes & matchup (I was really proud of this one 😁😁😁)

WHEN I TELL YOU I IMMEDIATELY HAD AN IDEA, I I M M E D I A T E L Y HAD AN IDEA. I was so proud of myself when i got this lol cause I saw your entry when I woke up, barely skimmed it, and said…

TSUKISHIMA KEI

✧ 𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑒𝑡 ✧

Okay okay hear me out

Hot topic (or something similar but I’m American so hot topic)

He was looking to get something for Yamaguchi’s birthday & maybe something for himself because don’t tell me Tsukishima Kei isn’t into anime I know he is

Probably shonen but still

Anyway

You were both reaching for the same thing (yes I’m using THAT trope)

Fortunately for you, there was more than one keychain but still

He was about to get low key defensive like “hey watch it” y’know like

Was in a v short mood

But the second he got the word “hey” out he turned to look at you and just

Froze

And got all embarrassed because look at this beautiful girl he’s standing net to shit he was just cursing you out in his brain

So he’s staring at you with wide eyes and you’re like “oh I’m sorry--you like JJK too? That’s cool”

And he’s stuttering Tsukishima Kei is flustered, everybody

So he’s like “uh yeah kinda I guess I don’t really talk about it a lot cause my friend isn’t into it”

“Well I mean if you ever wanna talk about it we can”

“Really?”

“Yeah, gimme your phone I’ll give you my number. If that’s chill”

“Sure, I guess, yeah”

Akiteru was home that day and hadn’t seen his brother smile this much since he was a kid

Any time he asked though Kei just got all huffy and went to his room

✧ 𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠 ✧

U two make playlists for each other on a regular basis (Spotify playlists w collaboration turned on are your best friend)

They're always killer and hit a little too hard

When you tell him you have a new favorite song, he listens to it on repeat until he knows all the lyrics and can pick on you for saying the wrong lyrics if you ever do

Also because it reminds him of you

He loves that he can be himself around you

Really he does

Like that’s one of his favorite things

He doesn’t have to hide any of his hobbies or really anything about him really and he appreciates it so much

It took a while to get there with him, but once he trusted you 100%, he realized he was in love with you

Love and trust are the same things to him (or at least similar) so he knew he loved you when he realized he really could be himself with you around and probably told you as such

He’s not one to push your boundaries, but just had to tell you so it was probably a text like

“Look I don’t expect you to say this back if you’re not ready for that yet, but you’re so amazing--I need to be honest. I’ve done nothing but stare at the ceiling for an hour and think and just realized how in love with you I am. I really am. Take that as you will.”

And then just straight up DIDN’T ANSWER UNTIL 2 AM THAT NIGHT LIKE “sorry I was at Yamaguchi's” LIKE BRO JUST DROP A BOMB LIKE THAT DAMN

Needless to say, he WAS at Yamaguchi's and left his phone at home but it was because he was too afraid of what you’d say

He got home at 11

He just procrastinated for three hours until he finally answered you back

And when you told him you loved him too, his heart SOARED he proceeded to call yams and squeal like a seven-year-old girl for a half hour

If ur shorter than him he uses your head as an armrest, no exceptions

He does it if you're taller than him too he just goes up on his toes to do it

Anyway

Can and will pick on you for everything

It’s the way he shows his love alright

Cute stationery? It’s tacky and “why do you have this it’s irritatingly adorable”

“You’re irritatingly adorable”

“I’m not adorable”

“Yes you are Tsukki"

Lets you call him Tsukki until you can call him Kei

You have to have a thick skin with him because sometimes it’s hard to tell when he’s being sarcastic or not

If he ever did make you cry or genuinely upset though, he’d tear himself to pieces about it for hours and be completely unresponsive to his phone if you text him because he thinks you hate him

When he finally texts you back he’ll never admit how upset he is, but he will apologize for making you upset

It’s really hard to do emotions with this dude but you try to manage

If you can figure out how to make him talk about his problems “let’s talk about Akiteru” “no”? Yamaguchi will love you forever

You get the best friend approval anyway but you get an extra gold star if you can get him to open up more

Oh and you totally like to show up at games or practice and everyone including Ukai and Takeda love you for it because he tries a little harder so he doesn’t look bad in front of you

It’s like a switch he goes from like 5% to 70% effort but that’s the best he’s giving until it’s game time then he’ll crank it to 100%

✧ 𝐷𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝐼𝑑𝑒𝑎 ✧

Okay okay but but but but but

Anime dates

Like once a week you two sit and watch anime over discord or smth

You don’t usually talk much but it’s nice to be in each others’ presence

Or close to that

When you can get together it’s that much better

You trade off whose house you’re at every other week, and whoever's visiting picks up snacks on the way

You’ll watch tv, make fun of the characters together, roll your eyes at the sappy moments but lean over to kiss Tsukki anyway

It’s overall a very wholesome scene

But there will be times when he is stressed and tired for whatever reason and he’ll fall asleep

Sometimes he’ll be curled into a little ball on his side of the couch

Sometimes he’ll slouch his head against your shoulder with his arm around your waist

Sometimes he’ll pause the show and pull you down against him and just lay with you for a while

Not even watch tv just

Be happy in each others’ presence

He’ll fall asleep from time to time and you take his glasses off for him

He looks so soft when he’s sleeping and not glaring at people

✧ 𝑍𝑜𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑐 𝐼𝑛𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 ✧

Libras, while they may not exactly say it, are romantics. They enjoy little things about romance, however modern, like spontaneous dates and flowers. They initiate clever ideas and Aquariuses are good at adding a different perspective, so prepare for in-depth conversations. On the other hand, Aquariuses tend to be trendsetters, which Libras support wholeheartedly.

✧ 𝐴𝑒𝑠𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑐 ✧

✧ 𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ✧

my boy - Billie Eilish

Hug - SEVENTEEN

King of the Clouds - Panic! At The Disco

She’s In The Rain - The Rose

I Can’t Handle Change - Roar

Runners up: Sugawara Koushi, Akaashi Keiji

#✔︎ — announcements #ꕥspenceranswers

8 notes · View notes

fantastic-bby · 3 years

Text

5 Works of 2020!

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want so we can spread the love and link each other awesome works.

Thank you for the tag @prettywordsyouleft <3

This is a bit late, but I’m only getting the chance to post this now ^^’

Not really gonna tag anyone, but it’s open for whoever wants to do it!

Chandeliers and Velvet

Sugar daddy!BamBam

This was the first time I had actually very, very proudly released a smut. I don’t write smut often mainly because I’m not confident enough. I’m not that happy with the other smuts I’ve posted and I’m considering rewriting them when I have the time, but for this, I really don’t think I would rewrite them. I’m already really happy with how it turned out, and I feel like this was challenging for me because I wasn’t really used to actually reading my own smuts while editing. One of the few reasons I actually considered making a part 2 was because of how much I enjoyed writing this as well as Tequila Sunrises. After a while, it started getting much easier to write it because it felt more natural to me. Even now, I still find it difficult or even cringey to write or read my own smut, but with C&V, it doesn’t feel...embarrassing for me to read. Since I always say that if you don’t feel awkward reading your own writing, then it most likely doesn’t feel awkward for other people to read it too. Which is why I’m proud of this c:

The Diamond Support

Twitch streamer!Chan

God, I re-read this one myself a lot. There really isn’t anything I would change about this story other than a few edits here and there because of a few typos, but other than that, I’m really happy with this fic. While it is more mid-length compared to a few longer ones I put here, I do feel like there’s nothing else I need to add to make it longer. This goes on the easier side of fics that I’ve written. I wanted to make something more light-hearted since I keep writing angst... and gore... and more angst, so I really wanted to post something that was more on the funny/softer side while still making a plot that would still be captivating. To be completely honest, I was actually scared that I wouldn’t be able to deliver that with this fic. But when I finished writing it, it seemed to have turned out waaay better than I had expected.

Snowdrop

King!Yeosang

I really love this. This was a bit harder for me too. I tend to feel unsure when I’m writing fantasy AUs because I’m scared that I can’t properly describe magic or action properly. While I’m a fan of reading and writing action as well as fantasy, (it’s my favourite genres next to horror and angst) I get worried a lot while writing because I feel like I can’t make readers imagine what I’m trying to write. But with this, while I do feel like there’s a few things that I would change about it, I really like it. I went a bit longer with this (11k) which is also why I do enjoy this a lot. I’m a bigger fan of my own fics that exceed 8k words. I don’t really have much other to say about this other than the fact that I’m just satisfied with how this turned out ^^

Swinging From Bars

Gymnast!Hyunjin

AAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCHHHH!!!! I’m seriously SO HAPPY with this one. Fun fact: I wrote this in 2 nights and edited it in 1. Again, I wanted to make something softer and more light-hearted because I’m pretty sure I wrote this after writing the Angel!SKZ series which had a lot of angst and gave me a lot of heart ouch. So writing this right after was to give some kind of soft relief because I was very ouchy about the Angel series (specifically Seungmin’s). I wasn’t really planning on writing anything for a while after the series, which was why I was quite surprised that I was able to grind this fic in three nights. I wasn’t planning on making it slow burn until I reached like 9k words and I realised it was a slowburn lol. I didn’t even realise that I was making it a college AU either which makes me wonder just what goes on in my head when I write.

House Sitter

Mafia!Jaebeom

Another fic that I grinded on and finished in 4 days. This includes the editing process. I find that most of the fics I enjoy the most are the ones that I just crap out of my brain in the span of a few days. This, SFB and Snowdrop are good examples of that. However, I don’t typically like writing so many time skips or cuts in a story sometimes (I like to keep them minimal to around 3 or 4 cuts so it doesn’t become too long) but I felt that the texts and cuts were actually quite fitting for House Sitter. I did end up making it a bit longer than I initially wanted to make it because I was scared that I was making too big of time skips which ended up making my brain go all MonkaS because I wasn’t sure on whether or not it would actually make sense or seem a bit too confusing. It ended up bringing itself together when I threw in a few extra scenes here and there, but other than that I feel like this is also a fic that wrote itself.

#tag game

2 notes · View notes

diarrheaworldstarhiphop · 4 years

Link

Five years ago, while a student at Columbia, Sulkowicz lugged a dorm-issue, extra-long twin mattress around campus for as long as she had to attend school with her alleged rapist. This was Mattress Performance (Carry That Weight), a globally viral art piece that made visible the weight of campus sexual assault. It transformed Sulkowicz into an icon. Since then, her artworks have regularly roused the internet: a video of her reenacting her assault, a bondage performance at the Whitney that doubled as institutional critique. This past spring, she tweeted an image that was perhaps even more provocative: a photo of her grinning alongside two of her libertarian critics — not performance art, she insists, but a byproduct of her new curiosity about other views.

“All my clothes are in boxes,” she tells me, gesturing apologetically to her oversize charcoal hoodie. She’s in the midst of moving from a sublet owned by a tantra instructor (mirrors surrounding the bed to create an infinite regression — that kind of thing) to an apartment in lower Manhattan whose location she asks me not to reveal, since “there’s some really scary people who are obsessed with me.” Her hair is short-cropped and coffee black, its natural color after years of bright dyes, and her voice is buoyant, laughter always bubbling underneath. Since 2016, Sulkowicz has identified as gender fluid, and she sometimes uses they/them pronouns. When I ask what to use for this article, she texts me, “Lol I’m not clear about it either,” before settling on she/her.

During the summer of 2018, Sulkowicz tells me, she was single for the first time in years. Swiping through Tinder, a man she found “distasteful” super-liked her. “It smelled like Connecticut,” she says of his profile. “He was very blond, law school, cut jawline, trapezoidal body figure, tweed suit kind of vibe, but something inside of me made me swipe right, I don’t know.” They began messaging, and she found him witty. “He was actually way more fun to talk to than any other person I matched with.”

Eventually, Sulkowicz stalked him on Twitter and realized that he was conservative — “like, very conservative.” At first, she was repulsed and considered breaking it off. But then she thought, “Wait, actually, that’s kind of fucked up because he’s the most interesting person I’ve come across, shouldn’t I be open to talking to him?” After dispelling her initial fear, she texted him that it would be “interesting (progressive? Powerful?) for two people who might be the antithesis of each other to go on a Tinder date.”

Ahead of this date, they traded reading assignments: Sulkowicz gave him the password to protected areas of her website, and he sent pieces he’d written for conservative magazines, which she printed, annotated with her critiques, and brought to their date. This man expected Sulkowicz to be “the patron saint of wokeness,” but when he met her, he found that she wasn’t actually trying to litigate the issues — she was mostly just “curious about this different perspective that she had not been as familiar with.” The two “sort of dated” for a while and then realized that their chemistry was more conversational. They became “amazing friends.”

Not having known conservatives before, Sulkowicz had to play catch up. Early in their friendship, she asked him to recommend one book to help her understand him, and he picked Jonathan Haidt’s The Righteous Mind. It’s a book that explains, in evolutionary terms, the human tendency toward political tribalism and the importance, in light of that, of learning from one another’s beliefs. She calls the book “mind-opening.” Its resonance with her new friendship did not escape her.

Shortly after, Sulkowicz attended a book talk of Haidt’s. This was for The Coddling of the American Mind, which diagnoses the campus left with the kinds of cognitive distortions that addle the chronically anxious and depressed: a tendency to blow everyday problems out of proportion, or to believe that one’s negative feelings reflect reality. This book kicked a hornet’s nest on the left, and when Haidt learned that Sulkowicz was at his talk, he didn’t assume she was a fan. “I expected her to be the sort of person who sometimes asks the angry question when I give lectures on campuses,” Haidt tells me. “And when I first saw her and she had blue hair, that fed my assumptions and expectations about what her views and values would be.” But Sulkowicz surprised him. “It changed the way I think about politics,” she said about The Righteous Mind, “and I wanted to thank you for it.” The two became friends.

Soon, she began attending house parties and happy hours with conservative and libertarian intellectuals, reading Jordan Peterson and articles from the National Review. In the past, Sulkowicz dismissed opposing views without understanding them, but now she sees intellectual curiosity as intertwined with respect: she wants to disagree with people on their own terms. This is an ethical position, but one with personal resonance. “I’ve always been upset,” she admits, “that there are people out there who assume that I’m a bad or mean person without ever having met me.” When she describes her political journey, she fixates on the experience of surprising people, of walking into a group who might otherwise dislike her and “disrupting their expectations.” At these parties, she reflects, “I can become fuller to certain people rather than staying the same caricature. I’m going from flat to round.”

- - -

A couple weeks after our lunch, Sulkowicz brings me to a book party at a dark bar on Bleecker Street. Here, she introduces me to her friend from Tinder, who asks that I not use his real name for this article. (It might be a distraction at his white-shoe law firm and, besides, “Emma is inured to online hate, but I am not.”) When he asks if he can choose his own pseudonym, I tell him sure. He picks Chad. It’s a reference to the incel term for men who, due to serendipitous genetics, are attractive enough to have oodles of sex. All of us laugh, but Sulkowicz laughs loudest, her voice tinkling, bell-like, and leaping between octaves.

Chad is a Chad, by the way, and he does “smell like Connecticut”: he has cornsilk hair, a shieldlike chest, and a jawline that an incel might show his surgeon for inspiration. But Chad is also a different kind of conservative than I imagined. Rather than a bowtie-sporting William F. Buckley type thumbing his nose at populism, he finds Reaganism laughably passé and aligns himself with Tucker Carlson’s anti-elite drive to regulate markets. He says that he would support some of Trump’s policy agenda, if only the president were competent enough to achieve it.

This party is for Robby Soave, a libertarian reporter on the snowflake beat whose new book, Panic Attack: Young Radicals in the Age of Trump, is — per Soave’s own description — “a book that is extremely critical of [Sulkowicz] and that I don’t wish her to read.” Soave met Sulkowicz a month or so before at another libertarian happy hour. Initially bewildered, he warmed to her, finding her to be inquisitive and even fun to talk to. “We exchanged contact information,” he tells me later, “and talked about maybe becoming, I guess, friends or something?” He laughs incredulously as he says this, sounding a bit on edge.

As Sulkowicz swirls around the party, her presence stirs an obvious question: whether this is performance art. Soave brings it up twice when we speak on the phone afterward, acknowledging the possibility that he’s being set up. While he’s inclined to believe that Sulkowicz is moved by earnest curiosity, he’s aware of her background in “elaborately planned performance art” and her reputation as a provocateur. Since graduating from Columbia in 2015, Sulkowicz has done around a dozen performances touching on issues like consent, anti-institutionalism, climate change, trauma, wellness, and female sexual desire. It’s natural to wonder if she’s currently breaking bread with this crowd to lampoon civility politics or to expose views she hates. Honestly, it might be harder to believe that she’s simply trying to learn.

But Sulkowicz is adamant that this isn’t performance. In fact, she insists that she’s quitting art altogether. After one of our lunches, she bikes off to return the keys to her studio, which she’s emptied and swept clean. “For many years,” she explains, “I wasn’t interested in listening to other points of view. I was very emotional and making performance-art pieces that were very reactionary and fiery.” Without disowning them, she describes these artworks as something she “got out of her system.”

Having found the art world humorless, narrow-minded, and grotesquely competitive, Sulkowicz says she stopped making art about a year ago. She quit a fellowship at a museum, ceased teaching art classes, and was essentially unemployed for a time, drawing income from occasional speaking gigs, mostly about campus sexual assault. (Her remarks on Me Too have been fewer; she supports it, but wants a clearer path to forgiveness.) She has been working on a memoir that draws on her diaries from Mattress Performance, and last month, she started a full-time, four-year master’s program in traditional Chinese medicine. There, she’ll learn skills from acupuncture to herbalism, which have been her “personal healing modality” for years. Sulkowicz has parried assumptions that this is performance art, too. It grates on her. “I’m a human and humans can change,” she says, insistently. “I’m telling you that I don’t want to make art anymore.”

But in some ways, it’s easier to assume that Sulkowicz’s political posture is performance art: this provides a clear motive, one that’s politically straightforward. If Sulkowicz is not making art, then it’s much harder to grasp why she’s doing this and what it means. Part of the confusion, Sulkowicz assumes, springs from a pervasive misunderstanding about who she is, rooted in the dissonance between her public image and private consciousness. While many assume she’s at Soave’s book party for some admixture of art and progressive politics, Sulkowicz says she’s mostly there for fun.

#emma sulkowicz #profile #mattress performance (carry that weight)#politics #power

104 notes · View notes

crqstalite · 4 years

Text

wip whenever.

honestly just because i want to put something out there, literally anything at this point lol. a chapter and a half left, and they’ll all go up :)

from the prologue of ‘i have questions’ + follow up to my first wip whenever.

"You know exactly what they are capable of, and I doubt the Council would do much more than the Alliance is doing now."

Brione wants to say that they wouldn't do that, and then bites her lip reminding herself of what they did when Shepard died. Cover-ups weren't an unknown tactic used by the brass, and it was done often enough she's pretty sure there's a guide book on it somewhere at headquarters, "What more are they going to need to do something about it? Another Sovereign kicking down our front door?"

Later, she's really wishing she hadn't said that.

The door slides open behind her not even a moment later, a frazzled looking man behind it. He straightens seeing her, but she waves her hand to dismiss his fear as Udina addresses him, "I assume you have a good reason for being here, Private?"

"We just lost contact with Luna base," He says hurriedly, holding out a datapad to her, "No one knows why, but I was told to report here and let Councilor Udina know about the developing situation."

"Luna base? But that is the moon, why would they be out in the middle of the week?" He asks, as she scrolls through the report. She narrows her eyes at a jumble of letters and numbers, unable to pick up the camera feed attached to it. That was odd. Losing just sensors for a few seconds was normal, they often rebooted servers after months on end. Losing contact with anyone on the base was a harder problem to pin down, one that sets a sense of dread over her, "Why come to me with this, should you not report this to a communications officer?"

"I don't know, Councilor. I was only told to bring the news to you," He trails off as she moves to open her omni-tool, then to the blank screen on the wall, "Just...in case it was something big."

Holding the datapad underneath her arm, she enlarges the orange interface on her forearm to appear just before the three of them on the wall, swiping away notifications before attempting the transfer of data. The logs scroll past her in a dizzying array of white text while they upload, her eyes glazing over before she manages a connection to the security feed. Nothing but a garbled message that she struggles to clear, handing the datapad back to the increasingly more anxious private. Her fingers pick up speed, eyes darting between strands of code when an agonizing sound fills the office, one that shakes her to her core. She isn't fast enough to quiet the near roar, and she cringes, trying to block out the horrifying sound that erupts from the small speaker.

Just before she finishes rendering the audio and visual, an update from a news network appears in the corner. Initially unbothered by it, she pushes it away when another takes it place. The number in the corner of the notification square spirals into numbers exceeding one hundred in only seconds. Curious and rather concerned about the implications of such a jump in coverage, she eventually taps it anyway, if not to at least get rid of it. Udina steps up behind her, the private on her left.

Feeds from what she believes to be Beijing, Rio, and London flood the screen, the sounds of various anchors overtaking the sound of loading from the processing of data. Sounds of screams, the terrifyingly loud roar of something absolutely inhuman -- she can barely keep eyes on everything that's going on. Smoke, fires, screams and shouts, reporters that can't keep the fear out of their wavering tones, screens that go dark.

It's all painfully familiar, what she'd watched from the streets as a child. Thinking of the smoke that nearly strangled her, the fires that left burns that hadn't healed for weeks. Now standing here twenty two years later watching it all from a vid is painful enough, and if this is what she thinks it is, it only makes it worse.

The private curses under his breath when she spreads the windows further apart to make sense of it all after the fear releases her long enough to reason. She watches as buildings and homes flash past her eyes, an ominous red beam tearing them and their surroundings apart within seconds. Biting her lip, she chooses the one from a station in Rio to open.

"We have reports of large synthetics landing here on Earth, no one has been able to identify what they are but we will keep reporting--" The sound of an explosion sounds in the report, then, the connection is lost entirely. It fades into nothing but static, but is replaced by the anchors in the station, stuttering out words of warning. Ones she doesn't even completely register before jumping into action, pulling the screen down and opening pages on her omni-tool.

Udina is speechless for a moment before he finds his focus again and strides to his desk, "Captain--"

She ignores him, turning to the private, "Get to a QEC and get me in contact with Admiral Hackett. Udina, get in contact with Anderson, HQ, anyone from Earth if you can."

"And just what do you intend to do?" He asks sternly, fingers already scrambling across his keyboard while the man rushes out. She can already hear sounds of shouts outside the door when it snaps shut again. News traveled faster than she expected. Panic would start setting in within the hour if they didn't put out the fire, and with what she thinks is the end of the galaxy itself taking up residence on Earth, well, there'd be a lot of people running around screaming 'the end is nigh!'. His voice quiets, "Do you believe it is the Reapers?"

"No, I think it's an army of dark space inhabitants starting their invasion of every major species in the galaxy -- yes I think it's the bloody Reapers!" Her own tone surprises her, scrolling past every contact in her omni-tool, "Alenko wasn't due back until the biotic regiment was, was he?"

"That is...that is correct, he is still on Earth. What is left of it, I'm sure," Udina's voice is uneasy once the jumpy private leaves, "The situation seems dire from the vids alone, I would be inclined to believe that any force on Earth is unable to called on at this time, Captain."

"You weren't on any suicide mission, if I know Shepard she would've tried the Normandy first if it wasn't destroyed," Shepard's comm, she knows that it would've been disabled when she was incarcerated, Alenko hasn't spoken to her since the trial. Her hands are getting shaky just thinking about every life that's being extinguished with every second she spends pondering the situation herself, "Just..find anyone from the Alliance if you can, start a damage report for the Councilors. I'm reporting to Hackett, let him know the fleets are under an assault surely. If those feeds can come through, then I'm damn sure we can find someone down there."

"Why are you so deadset on finding Shepard?" He asks sharply, "What is she going to do from Earth that someone else can't from here?"

"Because if I don't, we've already lost this war," She pauses, considering the weight of the words. He has a point, if Shepard was dead already, then they're wasting precious time they could be using to warn Sol system colonies. Shaking her head, she instead decides to try Joker's contact information. If anyone knew where Shepard was, or if she'd made it there, it'd be him, "If we don't have her to get us through this, we might as well be signing our death certificates already."

If he says anything else, she doesn't hear him before stepping back out into the crowded embassy. The continued pinging of her omni-tool without an answer isn't promising. Vancouver had been where she was being detained at, last she'd heard. The Normandy couldn't have been far. The fastest and stealthiest frigate in the Alliance, they'd made it through Virmire, the Suicide Mission, she knows Joker wouldn't give up without a fight. Much less Shepard herself.

And now she just has to do the one thing that was foreign to her -- hold out hope.

#it's not completely finished #but im happy enough with it right now #mass effect #wip #wip whenever #brione petrakis

4 notes · View notes

etherealwaifgoddess · 4 years

Text

Maybe I Am? - Chpt.1

Characters: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Summary: After meeting in a chatroom Steve and Bucky finally meet up in real life, however Bucky isn’t anything Steve was expecting. Master list HERE.

Content Warning: a very confused Steve, an adorably disappointed Bucky.

Word Count: 3.1k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! One of my favorite versions of Steve is the sweet confused Steve, and so I decided to have a little fun with him in this fic. Also, Steve Rogers is a Slytherin and I will fight ya’ll to the death on that one. If you don’t believe me read #10 in THIS article. There will be six chapters total, one posted every evening until we’re done. Hope you enjoy! XOXO - Ash

Chapter One

Bucky stared at Alpine, desperate for more companionship than the fluffy white cat could provide. He’d been stuck inside for the past four days while he got over the damned late winter cold he’d caught. Bucky hadn’t been sick in almost two years so he couldn’t really complain, but he was social by nature and Alpine could only do so much for her end of the conversation. He finally drug himself out of bed, carrying his fluffy duvet to the sofa with him so he could throw on a rerun of The Good Place and fire up his laptop. Bucky logged into the chat site he used to frequent that hosted discussions on all different fandoms from movies to television shows to music. He used to love hanging out online in some of the Harry Potter chats, especially HuffleHaven which he was pleased to see was still active. Bored and not really feeling up to fangirling at a level appropriate for a proud Hufflepuff, he hopped into a punk rock appreciation chat to hopefully find a way out of his bored funk.

WinterBae: so ur a Greenday fan?

AmericanIdiot: What was your first clue?

WinterBae: well i heard the sounds of hysteria

AmericanIdiot: LOL nice. Is that your cat in the profile pic?

WinterBae: yuppp, that’s my girl Alpine

AmericanIdiot: She looks sweet. So, what fandom are you here for?

Bucky flicked over to view AmericanIdiot’s profile and was instantly smitten with the blonde who claimed punk rock was life and he could live on tacos alone if given the chance. He wondered briefly if the pic was real, it wasn’t unheard of for people to use model’s photos instead of their own, and the guy in AmericanIdiot’s picture was definitely model worthy. Tall, buff, and gorgeous; Bucky was definitely interested in more than conversation. Well, nothing to make himself feel better than a little harmless flirting.

xxXxx

Three months later.

AmericanIdiot: I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.

WinterBae: oh come on! it’s not that bad, just let the hat sort you and i’ll let you retreat to your boring punk rock group.

AmericanIdiot: You so owe me for this one.

WinterBae: puhleeeease please please please

AmericanIdiot: FINE. But you still owe me.

WinterBae: whatever you want. Promise :D

[Private Chat Initiated]

AmericanIdiot: Well shit.

WinterBae: was i right??

AmericanIdiot: I hate you.

WinterBae: nope, u luv me. and i told u so ;)

AmericanIdiot: How in the ever loving fuck am I a Slytherin?? I literally help my neighbor with her grocery bags every week! I feel like a puppy kicker now.

WinterBae: the hat sees inside ur soul puppy kicker mwahaha

AmericanIdiot: You totally owe me.

WinterBae: fine. coffee? sunday morning maybe? r u near red hook?

AmericanIdiot: I’m over in Park Slope. So not too far. Wait, are you serious? You really want to meet up?

WinterBae: let’s meet @ magnolia cafe 10am on sunday

AmericanIdiot: But how will I know it’s you?

WinterBae: i’ll wear a red rose tucked in my hair. cuz i’m classy like that lol

AmericanIdiot: Haha. Nice. I can’t wait.

WinterBae: me too :)

Steve closed the lid of his laptop, unable to believe his luck. He was finally going to meet WinterBae in real life after months of witty banter and playful flirting. He pulled on his sneakers, ready to go run out all the nervous energy thrumming inside him, and he hoped he wasn’t getting his hopes too high. Sam had already pointed out several times that he didn’t know a whole lot about WinterBae, not even what she really looked like. Steve maintained he wasn’t shallow and he knew enough about her to know that she was everything he’d hoped to find in a woman. She was bright and funny, kept him on his toes for sure, and had a biting wit that left him laughing harder than he had in years. Steve had been so lonely since Peggy up and left him, moving back to England after eight months of living together. He was finally ready to move on and he hoped WinterBae would be the one to do that with.

Across the bustling streets of Brooklyn, in his little apartment in Red Hook, Bucky was rapid fire texting Nat about his date. She cheered him on good naturedly, happy he was actually putting himself back out there after the disaster that was Brock Rumlow. Bucky was proud that he’d been so smooth in asking AmericanIdiot to meet up, or at least smooth by his own nerdy standards. He reminded himself several times that even if the profile pic wasn’t really AmericanIdiot, he would most likely still be interested. How could he not be after spending the past three months talking to the guy every day? They talked about everything together and Bucky felt like he knew AmericanIdiot better than some of his real life friends. Two more days and he would have a name and a face to put with the amazing, brilliant, artistic guy he was completely head over heels for. Now he just had to figure out where to buy a red rose.

xxXxx

Bucky sat at a small cafe table inside Magnolia Cafe, trying not to fidget with the rose tucked behind his ear. He felt a little silly for wearing it, but also kind of like he was in a romance novel waiting to meet his knight in shining armor. He had worn his very best skinny jeans and a black button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, leaving his assortment of bracelets on display. He wasn’t getting his hopes up, but damned if he wasn’t going to look his best just in case. Nat had insisted on going along, wanting to make sure Bucky’s online friend wasn’t some kind of creeper. The fierce redhead sat a few tables away, poised and ready to strike should the guy make any untoward moves. Bucky loved how protective Nat was, though honestly she was a bit terrifying at times. So he waited, scrolling through Buzzfeed News, hoping that maybe this once luck would be on his side.

Steve was so nervous he was sweating a little by the time he got to the cafe. He wiped his palms on the side of his tee shirt, wondering belatedly if he should have put in a little more effort. All he had was work clothes anymore, even the navy tee he had on was emblazoned with their star logo and the name of their gym underneath. Paired with the only jeans he owned and a lightweight leather jacket, he hoped he would make a good first impression. WinterBae had mentioned being into fashion but Steve had never had an eye for that sort of thing. Nerves rising, Steve hoped he would be able to find WinterBae easily. He knew only that she would have a red rose tucked in her hair, and from a brief mention a few weeks ago about haircuts, he knew to expect shoulder length wavy brown hair. But that was it. Steve reminded himself that he needed to go into this with open eyes, if nothing else he would walk away with a new friend. Someone other than Sam to hang out with, somewhere other than the gym they co-owned. Deep down though, he still hoped for more.

The cafe was dimly lit inside and it took Steve a minute to let his eyes adjust. He scanned the room quickly, taking note of all the women sitting at various tables. Most were with other people, leaving only four on their own, but try as he might he couldn’t spot red roses on any of them. He felt a pang of disappointment but prayed he was just early and not being stood up. He was about to go order himself an Americano to sip while he waited when he heard a rough, masculine voice call out “AmericanIdiot?” in a tone tinged with awe.

Steve turned in the direction of the voice to see a man about his age with a red rose tucked into his shoulder length wavy brown hair. His mouth moved while his brain reeled, “WinterBae?”

“Yeah! Hey!” Bucky felt like he was vibrating out of his skin; he was so thrilled. The blonde god standing in front of him really was the man from the picture, and he looked even better in real life, if that was possible. Brilliant, sweet, and hot. Bucky had hit the jackpot.

Steve let himself be pulled into a warm hug, the man was a few inches shorter than his own 6’2” and fit nicely against his chest. The man. WinterBae was a man. Steve replayed all of their conversations in his head and kept coming up with the same assumption. Steve had never once in a million years thought he was a man. He supposed in retrospect that having a female best friend, a love of clothes, and a cat he called a “fur baby” was not necessarily concrete signs of being a woman, but damned if Steve had even thought twice about WinterBae’s gender. He forced himself to return the hug, happy to meet a new friend, even though his heart was crushed under the disappointment that nothing more would be coming of this meeting.

“I’m so glad you made it.” Bucky told him as they pulled apart.

“Of course. Gotta get my cup of coffee for being tortured by a magical hat.”

Bucky laughed, a rich rumbling sound, “Yeah, a Slytherin would never pass up the opportunity to benefit off the kindness of others.”

“Well at least your poor little Huffle-brain won’t realize what’s going on.”

“Ouch, punk. Those are some strong words from someone who watched Sorcerer's Stone for the first time less than a month ago.”

“It’s your fault I did too, jerk. Uh, you can call me Steve by the way.”

“Steve, nice. It suits you. I’m Bucky. Well, James, but everyone calls me Bucky.”

“Now that’s a story I have to hear.” Steve said with a laugh and let Bucky lead him over to the line for his drink.

They ended up spending two and a half hours talking at their little table at the cafe. Coffee turned into a muffin to split, which turned into a panini and iced teas for both of them. Steve couldn’t remember the last time conversation flowed so easily with someone. Talking to Bucky felt like they had been best friends for years opposed to only knowing each other a few months. They topic hopped relentlessly, never losing each other along the way. Steve found himself laughing so hard his ribs hurt when Bucky spoke about one of his teenage misadventures with his sister Becca.

Bucky was very clearly flirting by the time they finished their lunch; shooting Steve sweet little smiles every so often and pushing his hair back behind his ear coyly. Steve knew he should put the breaks on the flirting, he didn’t want to lead Bucky on, but it was so much easier to just smile along with him. In his thirty years of life, Steve had never once questioned his sexuality. Men had never held any attraction for him, but something about the way Bucky chewed on his bottom lip, the tiny tip of his pink tongue peeking out, had part of Steve wanting to taste that lip himself.

With a cough, Steve shook his head, trying to clear his unexpected wayward thoughts. “I’m sorry, I missed that.” he prompted.

Bucky titled his head slightly with a lopsided smile, “It’s okay. I was just saying that my sister was the one who gave me the courage to come out to my parents. She came out first and seeing how my parents reacted made it a lot easier for me to. She was only 15 at the time, but she always has been a hell of a lot braver than I am.”

“I doubt that. But that’s great you guys are so close.”

“Yeah, she’s been my best friend since the day she was born. Well, other than Nat, but don’t tell her that.” Bucky chuckled thinking back on the loving bickering Becca and Nat used to do when they were younger. “So how did you come out to your parents?”

Steve wanted to die on the spot. A bright blush tinged his cheeks, staining his pale skin all the way down his neck. “I, uh. Well. I’m not. Um. I didn’t, actually. Because I’m not, um, gay.” Please god, let the ground open up and swallow me whole, he prayed silently, unable to meet Bucky’s eyes.

The smile Bucky had worn, waiting for what he thought must have been one hell of a story based on Steve's blush, completely vanished. Along with all his foolish daydreams of dating someone as amazing as Steve. “Oh. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.” he finally choked out semi-normal sounding.

“No, it’s my fault.” Steve hastily protested, “We talked so much online and I didn’t realize you were a man.” The wide eyed shock on Bucky’s face made Steve realize he hadn’t made things any better.

“Wait, what? You thought I was a woman?” Bucky asked incredulously.

“Well, yeah. Nothing about your profile or our conversations were very clear and I guess I just somehow jumped to the conclusion that you were. I’m sorry, Bucky.”

Disappointed but not wanting to miss out on a great friendship Bucky forced himself to smile reassuringly at Steve. “It’s okay. No harm done. So you're straight then?”

“I think so.”

That did not help things. “That’s kinda something you know.”

“Yeah, I thought so too. I like talking to you though. A lot.” Bucky was looking at him like he had three heads and Steve just wanted to crawl home and die of embarrassment.

“Okay. I like talking to you a lot too. We can just be friends though, Steve. I’m not going to get my feelings hurt just because you bat for the other team.”

“Thanks. I really am sorry. If I were to ever switch teams you’d be the first guy I call. You’re incredible.”

“Aww come on. You don’t gotta say that. It’s all good, really. Now tell me more about this gym you run.”

Steve sighed, thankful to change topics, “Well, my best friend Sam and I opened it when he retired from the Air Force six years ago.” Steve launched into the story of how he met Sam through the VA where they had both volunteered as teenagers and then years later, they teamed up to start Shield Gym which was now one of the most popular gyms in the city.

The conversation lulled a little after that and Bucky politely refrained from any more flirting. Steve found himself missing the cute little gestures. He couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with him but he knew he needed to figure it out sooner rather than later. They parted as friends, swapping cell phone numbers so they could text instead of the message boards and private chats online. Steve initiated the goodbye hug, wanting to test the feeling of the smaller man in his arms once more. It was just as nice as the first time and only added to Steve’s confusion.

Nat caught up with Bucky barely a block from the cafe, pulling him for a tight hug when she saw his morose expression. “Do I need to kill him?” she asked seriously.

“He's straight.” Bucky told her, “Well, he said he thinks he’s straight. Whatever the hell that means.”

Nat quirked a brow at that, not commenting though.

“Either way, back to spending all my nights with you and Alpine. And Becca, when the brat has time to fly out.”

“Maybe don’t write him off just yet.” Nat said carefully, “I saw you two together, it was sweet.”

Bucky sighed, “I can’t do it, Nat. Just let the poor straight boy be slightly confused on his own before he settles down with some perfect human barbie doll he meets at his gym.”

Nat pursed her lips in disapproval but remained silent. She wrapped an arm around Bucky’s waist and followed him home so they could share a pint of gelato and watch a trashy rom-com until Bukcy felt better.

“Shit, Sam.” Steve whined at his best friend back in their gym in Park Slope. He’d gone straight from the cafe to the gym, knowing Sam was working the midday shift. “How did this happen?”

“You made an honest mistake, it happens.” Sam tried to be kind with his words, “But, and I’m not saying I told you so, you didn’t really know as much about this guy as you thought you did.”

“That might have been the politest ‘I told you so’ ever.”

“I am sorry that it didn’t work out though. I know you thought you really falling for this WinterBae.”

“His name is Bucky. And, I don’t know Sam, he’s just as incredible in person. More so, even. I don’t know what to do. I’m not gay. But…. maybe I am?”

Sam set down the bottle of spray disinfectant and the rag he was wiping down the machines with. “Steve, I know you had your hopes up for this guy. But he’s a guy. And being straight, or not straight, is typically something you figure out before your thirties.”

“I know. I know.” Steve groaned, raking his hands through his hair.

“At least you made a new friend, right?” Sam tried hopefully.

Steve shook his head, “Yeah, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t know what to do, Sam.”

“You gotta figure that one out on your own, man. But whatever you do, don’t drag that poor boy through whatever premature mid life crisis you got going on. It wouldn’t be fair to him to get his hopes up.”

“I know that.” Steve fought to keep the glare he wanted to give Sam off his face, “I would never hurt him. I just… I need to think about it, I guess.”

Sam clapped Steve on the shoulder supportively before resuming his cleaning, “You do that. And if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

Steve thanked him and then headed out. He had a lot of thinking to do.

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #stucky #steve rogers x bucky barnes #idiots in love #confused steve rogers #gay bucky barnes #meet ugly #stucky fanfic #stucky fanfiction

10 notes · View notes

painandpleasure86 · 4 years

Text

I can’t live with you (but I can’t live without you) - JohnicaWeek 2020

Author’s note: This idea born in my mind since Rachel announced this special week. My real life inspo were my own parents, married since 1991 (I born in 1992). Here I portray this couple as I imagine, based in real life experience having a 67 yrs old dad and in things that I read about this couple. This will be the most realistic posible representation of them that I could write. Don’t hate me if isn’t all cuteness here, life it’s good but also bad things :/ Also sorry if it’s too cheesy! I don’t like make suffer to my characters a lot lol.

Art by @imflashqueen (instagram). She drew the second piece inspired in my story! She was my beta indeed :3 Thank you for give me some feedback! Ah, and the first one was an old collab that we did in last November!

Plus, i’m doing this just for mere entertainment ;) I just love participate in this kind of events to meet new people, practicing my skills and have fun!

Summary: The anniversary date it’s here! How will they react about this?

Pairing: Current John and Ronnie :)

Warnings: Angst, some humor, some swearing, some fluff too. Mention of death.

Word count: 2139 words, perhaps my longest fic. If not, the second one.

Prompt used: Anniversary Day

First part

January 11th. Just like another weekend, another morning. He left very early his bed, trying to not wake up her. He wants some quientness to drink his tea. He wants to forget for a moment everything. Ever that next Saturday will be 18th. Just like in 1975. A cold Saturday in that catholic church, where Freddie made a particular entrance. Remembering that made him smile, but then was so upset, because Fred were ruining the strict ceremony.

“I’ll always love you bud. Cheers for you” he said rising his almost empty cup of tea watching the sky through the windom and finishing his tea.

His eyes were shining. His smile, wide. Until…

“Morning, no?” she said near to him.

He jumpscared a bit.

“God Ron! You know that I have heart problems…” he exaggerated putting his left hand in his chest.

She laughed.

“Exaggerated as always…” she added.

“Morning, yeah!?” he said finally, letting the empty cup of tea in the nearest table.

She started to prepare her breakfast.

“Who you were talking?”

Lighting a cigarette, he said “I… just remembered something Ron.” He aspired the smoke deeply. Now the cigarette are between his index and his middle finger of his right hand.

“Something happy”. Let go to the smoke through his nose.

Her eyes focused in him and smiling widely.

“I just remembered when Freddie entered to the church with that two girls in our wedding.” He aspired the smoke again. “Hahahaha… he couldn’t did it in another way!”

Her face turned so quickly in an deceptioned expression.

“oh… that, haha.” she said meanwhile she was preparing her tea.

Letting go the smoke but now from his mouth, he smiled mischievously. He did it again.

---------------------------------------------------

In the afternoon of that Saturday, the couple received a video call of their youngest offspring.

“Hiiiiii dad!! Hiiii mom!!!” he said with his habitual happiness, smiling widely.

Both parents greeted to their son.

The young continued talking.

“How you feel knowing that next Sat will be your anniversary?”

Ronnie smiled widely. “FINE!!”

But he stared at the camera and rolled his eyes, sighing. “Another year” he said kinda melancholic.

His son and his wife watched at him.

“Huh? I was honest.” But really he wasn’t real honest…

Trying to change the mood, Cameron added with a smile “Well, the fans are more excited for that than you, and you’re the one that’s married with that lady” winking an eye to his mom.

Being visible upset, the old man said: “That fans, ha! Try to be married at least 5 years and have 3 children in the meantime and after they can say if they’re happy with that life! I have enough of that fans speaking about me like the cute one, the good dad! I wasn’t one all the time for fucking god's sake!”. He raised of his chair and slammed the door of the room.

“Another time with that rant about the fans…” she said sighing and watching at her child.

“Well, let’s speak about you then mom. You have plans to the anniversary?” he said trying to make smile to the 69 years old woman.

She said “yeah. I reserved a table in Nobu for that day” and smiled shyly.

“MOOOOOOM, that restaurant it’s so famous. Every famous people will can see you with Dad there” almost shout the young man.

“It’s my intention, son.” and she smiled kinda mischievously.

-------------------------------

Second part

Another 18th came finally. Another year. Another cold winter day. Another time where he remembered why he did that.

He opened his eyes that morning earlier than usual. He watched at his side. She was snoring softly.

Finally he decided take his morning tea. Putting his robe and his winter flip-flops, go to the kitchen. He’s trying to not make any noise. More than ever, this morning needs that Ronnie don’t wake up at the same time than him. More than ever wants some silence and time with himself.

In the kitchen, he puts to boil some water to his tea. Meanwhile, he smokes a cigarette watching at outside through the window, still dark.

“45 damn years today. For good or bad... “ he sigh deeply meanwhile he was thinking. “Sometimes I ask myself why I did that. Sometimes I wanted to get away from this life, but for some reason i’m still here. Perhaps i’m tired of trying? I don’t know.” He aspired the smoke and let it go in a deep exhalation. “The only certainty it’s that I decided 45 years ago that beautiful slim prego lady, now an old woman, be my wife. Her…” and his thoughts were interrupted for the sound of the boiling water. “For fucking god’s sake…” he mumbled, while he turned off the fire. He prepared the tea and go to his “office” to check the internet. “Let’s see what the people say about me today… Wait. It’s early… Don’t care. I’ll be with this all day long if it’s necessary. This will be more fun than always.”

He sat at his desk with his computer, with his tea in one side. Meanwhile the PC was initializing, he was with a lot of expectative.

He sips his tea and opened the navigator. Typed the right search in the search bar. “Gosh, a lot of thing already. That people really loves me being with her”, he whispered. Clicks in the first result. And he started to laugh. “Happy 45th anniversary blahblahblah, his marriage its the proof that the love always wins” he said reading the text on that post in a social network. “Little person, it’s just the proof that I prefer be with her for a reason. Well... Six reasons. Hahahaha” he “responded”.

Another post. That one, a drawing. “Oh okay, I look cute with her, goooootcha” he said with a pinch of sarcasm.

A fic. In this he stopped to read it entirely. He almost ended his tea meanwhile. And his laugh was harder. “These little girls haves a lot of imagination. Gosh, why I’m almost always the good boy in this things? Hahahahaha”

And another, and another, and another… He passed a lot of his morning there, having fun or merely entertain himself with the posts of the fandom. More than always.

Ronnie wake up. And her husband isn’t there with her. “John… at least today…” she though resigned meanwhile she puts her robe and his flip-flops.

When she was about to down the stairs, she listened a loud laugh. “He’s in the studio”.

She knocked the door.

And he sighed. “why Ronnie?” he though. But he said “come in!”, still laughing.

“Morning Ronnie!” he said as any morning. But that one wasn't like any morning. Was the morning.

She stared at him, after close the door behind her.

“Just that?”

He rolled his eyes, sighing.

“Happy anniversary Ronnie!” and he smiled quite exaggerated. “Come here”.

She was with mixed thoughts and kinda hysterical, but she approached him. She after a few steps was at his side. He hugged her, still in that comfy chair, with funny face. She couldn’t resist to hug him too, caressing his almost bald head. “Sometimes I hate your behavior John” though Ronnie. “But anyways i think that I still like to be with you, haha”, continued in her mind, quite smiling.

He, moving his face to leave that embrace, said “Well honey, I told it. I was cute no? hahaha. Stay with me and have fun with me reading that things that under 30-years-old girls write and draw about us”.

She stepped away from him.

“John, that people are just being kind with you. A lot of people recognize you now. A whole new generation. And they’re educated greeting us for the anniversary”, she said watching at him.

He laughed. Turning his chair in her direction, he continued talking.

“Ron, that people thinks that marriage its easy, plus having 6 SIX kids to raise! Isn’t nice, it’s hard! And super stressful!”

Her face showed her nuisance.

“Ha, really you say that? You always recording or touring or in an endless holidays. I raised OUR kids ALONE a lot of time!”

He sighed so deeply. He started to need another cigarette. Now his arms are crossed.

“Really this again? Honey, stop. We fixed that already. Now i’m more at home with you and I helped a lot raising to our youngest kids”

Without thinking in the repercussion of her words, she said “Yeah, just because Freddie died before the birth of our youngest ones” and she half turned to her left, arms crossed.

He was without words. Was like a dagger in his heart. He didn’t knew how to react. A lot of mixed feelings. His hands in his face, he reclined his head.

“Veronica, get out.”

She, watching the results of her impulse, tried to fix that situation… in vain.

“But John, it wasn’t m-”

“GET. OUT.” His words were like a sharp.

She left the room, almost crying. “Well I’ll change my clothes meanwhile… and ill make my breakfast” she though in the meanwhile.

--------------------

That old wound was opened. he remembered that words about getting older together writing songs. he remembered how Freddie cheered him up to write songs, how he said once “shhhh John it’s creating”. He remembered noticed that scars. And knowing that his friend would die sooner than everyone expected. “He had a lot to give… We lost a lot of moments together for that damn disease. He was my real fuel to composing, and when he gone, my interest faded away. I just wanted to survive…” he started to think. He raise of his chair and took an old whiskey that he had over there, serve a glass of it and drank it of one sip. He lighted that necessary cigarette, now watching at the window, immersed in memories, in things that happened… He cried.

In audible voice, he said

“Fuck you Ronnie. Why you said that? Why you opened that wound again?” He sighed deeply, putting the cigarette in his mouth and aspiring the smoke. “I can’t live with you, but I can’t live without you, sadly.” Exhaled the smoke for his mouth. “Why I couldn’t leave you? I’m a masochistic? I love a lot to my offspring? In the very deep inside, I still love you? I don’t know really…” Aspired the smoke of the cigarette again, the last one. The cigarette its too short now. Throwing the cigarette to the floor, he stepped on it, turning it off. Exhaling the smoke, he continued. “You are my life, despite all the events. I give you my life. My love. My “freedom”. I married with you just having 23 years old. I REALLY loved you. Now?” He sighs deeply. “I don’t know. I just know that I don’t hate you”.

He didn’t knew that those words were listened for her, she opened silently the door minutes ago to apologize her for her words and she stared there, listening.

“John…” she said with tears in her eyes.

He turned his face enough to show her that he noticed her presence, smiling. She entered to the room running. She hugged him. “Sorry John. I- I was impulsive”.

Now watching at the window again, he said “nothing to sorry. It’s okay” and he placed his left hand over her hand that was hugging him from the back. He take that hand and kissed it. He turned to her and hugged her tightly.

“You should knocked that door first, he said, leaving the embrace.

“well, I-” started to say Ronnie, kinda scared.

“hahahaha! Relax! Now come with me and read that things that the people say about us” he said going to sit to his chair again.

“No John.” she said, shaking his head.

“Uh Ron, you’re booooooring! hahahah”

“That aren’t plans for an anniversary” she said, getting closer to him.

Watching at her eyes, he said “and go for a dinner today? We don’t usually go to dinner and you want TODAY? Oh, and I just hope that you didn’t asked to the Father of the parish to office a Mass for our anniversary! I’ll not go to the church today, and nevermore!”

She stared in silence, incapable to react. Her plans are discovered.

He watched at her, smiling mischievously. “Ha, Mrs you’re so predictable…” he thought.

She, trying to cover her real intentions, responded “Eeeeeh, no. I didn’t do that! You know me John, hehe… I’ll just cook a special meal.”

“No Ron. I’ll do that, and I promise, will not be cheese on toast” he replied smiling lightning another cigarette.

He had a surprise. But one that just he knew… And eventually Ronnie. Because something like that deserves an adequate celebration. And will be at Deacon style.

---------------------------------------------------

If you liked this fic, please reblog and leave a comment! (or if you’re shy, a reply, some emojis as response or an ask (could be in anon!)).

-Lily.

#painandpleasure86 fics #painandpleasure86 posts #johnica #johnicaweek2020 #john deacon #veronica tetzlaff #queen fic #queen fanfiction #deaky #deacy #wedding anniversary #queen fanart #queen fandom

27 notes · View notes