#the thought of five being that person he could trust and then suddenly hes gone. ben being the next confidant he had then hes gone.

[mountttmase]

My Priority

Note - happy Sunday y’all 😘 I wanted to be like Sid so I wrote a fic that’s a little more personal to me so I really hope you like this one 🥺🩷 I’d really appreciate some feedback so if you could be so kind as to leave me some I promise I’ll love you forever 🩷 enjoyyyyy

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 8.4k

Warnings - angst and fluff

When Mason moved to Manchester you knew things would be different. You just hadn't realised how different.

You remember meeting him like it was yesterday. It was just after the new year and you told yourself you wanted to start being a bit healthier so once you were home from work you took up jogging. Starting slow and only for a short amount of time as you could feel your lungs burning after barely doing anything but you managed to build your strength up until one evening about a month and a half in you pushed it a bit too far and had to take a break at the edge at the park. Your head between your legs as you slowly got your breath back.

‘Are you alright?’ You heard a soft voice say, looking up to see a concerned looking guy and under normal circumstances you might have been a bit worried about being alone in the dark with some random man but his presence settled you. You couldn’t make out what he looked like exactly but you could tell he was young and his voice sent an excited shiver down your spine.

‘I’m fine’ you breathed, barely able to get your words out. ‘Just pushed it a little too hard that's all’

‘Have you got any water?’

‘It’s empty’ you laughed, barely able to lift the bottle to show him and you cursed yourself for drinking all of it so quickly.

‘Here, have mine. It’s a fresh bottle and it’s unopened I promise’ he laughed, handing it to you and you took it with a smile. ‘I um- I don’t live too far from here, I could take you back there or drop you home’ he offered and you couldn’t help but warm to him immediately.

‘Thank you’ you smiled, cracking open his water and downing half of it in one go. ‘Maybe it’s a little cheeky but I don’t suppose I could take you up on that dropping me home offer? I’m not too far from home myself but I know I’ll never make it’

‘Don’t be silly’ he laughed, patting your knee gently. ‘You wanna come with me or shall I come back for you’

‘You can come back for me’

‘I’ll be as quick as I can. Don’t talk to any strangers while I’m gone’ he winked, making you laugh at his little joke but you sat tight and waited for him to get back. Putting all your trust in a man you’d just met and you weren’t even sure was telling you the truth about coming back.

He really was only five minutes though, and soon enough he was helping you into his passenger seat and giving you his phone to put your address into.

‘I’m just gonna pop the light on for a sec’ he told you, reaching up to flick the switch and it was the first time you got a good look at him.

He was handsome, more than handsome he was gorgeous and the boyish grin that adorned his lips as he looked at you made you flush. Suddenly feeling self conscious about the fact you were set next to an incredibly attractive and incredibly helpful man whilst you probably looked like you’d been dragged through a hedge backwards.

‘Thanks for this’ you smiled sweetly at him and if you didn’t know any better you thought he might have been blushing before he turned the light off again and started to drive away.

‘That’s okay. When you went for an extra lap I thought I better keep an eye on you just in case, I know you normally just stick to two’ he explained but then the realisation of what he’d said hit him. ‘And I know that’s probably made me sound like a right weirdo. I’m not stalking you or anything I promise’ he rambled but all you could do was laugh, finding his awkwardness endearing.

‘It’s alright’ you laughed, taken aback slightly by the way he’d been looking after you silently.

‘Please don’t think I’m crazy but I’ve been sort of keeping an eye on you since you first started. I know you’re fine and you can probably hold your own but you never know who’s lurking in the dark’

‘Well apparently it’s been you’ you teased, watching him shake his head in embarrassment. ‘it’s okay, you just like to watch women jog, nothing wrong with that’ you laughed, watching his face flush even more and you couldn’t deny you were enjoying poking fun at him a little.

‘No, I like to watch you jog. There’s a difference’ he told you pointedly and you couldn't stop the wide grin that made its way onto your lips.

‘So how long have you been my knight in shining armour for?’ You asked, trying to change the subject as his words were making you tummy feel strange.

‘Like the middle of January I think I saw you first’ he shrugged. ‘I had to take my run a little earlier than normal and I saw you finishing up’

‘Im pretty sure that’s when I first started’

‘Yeah I could tell’ he snorted, causing you to look at him with your mouth agape in shock but his little squeaky giggles made your heart thud. ‘I’m kidding I swear’

‘No you’re right, I was pretty awful. I think I’d made it halfway round before I got tired like I was an absolute mess’

‘But look how far you’ve come since then’ he reassured you, a kind smile on his face. ‘Left me in the dust tonight I could barely keep up’

‘Yeah but look at where that got me’ you teased, insinuating you meant here in his car with him and thankfully he caught on. A shocked expression on his face but you could tell he was only teasing.

‘I’m not that bad am I?’ He pouted and you rolled your eyes playfully before you realised he was pulling up outside your building. ‘I’m uh- I’m Mason by the way’

‘Y/n’ you smiled, watching his eyes light up at the sound of your name.

‘Well, y/n, if you ever need a running partner let me know. I know where you live now’

‘I might hold you to that’

‘I hope you do’ he winked. Was this boy flirting with you? You thought. It only then hitting you that he’d been trying for the whole journey.

After a quick explanation of what you should do to help your recovery that you didn’t question, you shared a quick goodbye and let him go on his way. He was in your head for the next few days though until you could fit another run in and you spent the whole time looking out for him.

He was nowhere to be seen though and after taking a little longer to pack up than usual you got ready to go home a little disappointed. That was until you heard your name being called in the distance and suddenly a glistening Mason was stopping in front of you.

‘Hey’ you breathed

‘Hey’ he laughed, straightening up so he didn’t look so tired but you could see it had been a long run for him. Small beads of sweat trickling down his flushed skin but his shy smile made your tummy feel warm. ‘I’ve been looking for you’ he admitted shyly and no matter how hard you tried to hold your smile on you couldn’t.

And that's how it started. From meeting after your runs to joining him at the start until one day you turned up to find him not there. He was waiting for you at the end though, dressed in a tracksuit and warm winter coat and you teased him about abandoning you until you caught the sombre look on his face. Asking if you’d like to come back to his so he could explain and nodded straight away.

His house was huge, fancy white marble floors and tastefully decorated rooms but it was the little personal touches that caught your eye that helped you figure out what was going on.

He’d left you in his living room, and you couldn’t help but notice a pair of neon green football boots in a Perspex case. The sign telling you they were worn in the 2021 UCL final and you wondered how he’d managed to get his hands on them before you saw the inscription on the side.

MM? What did that mean?

Your eyes flickered to the awards either side, Chelsea player of the year awards for 20/21 and 21/22 and when you read the name inscribed on both it all clicked into place.

‘You alright?’ You suddenly heard, turning to face Mason who’d just walked back in and your mouth seemed to run away with you.

‘Do you um, do you play for Chelsea?’ You asked, seemingly dumbfounded but you noticed how pink his cheeks got. Not really answering the question, just nodding his head over to the sofa so you could sit with him.

He sat you down and explained that he did in fact play for Chelsea, that he was injured and that he was going through some rehab and would hopefully be better soon but unfortunately he wouldn’t be able to run with you anymore and you felt your heart sink.

‘I was thinking maybe I could still come and cheer you on though? Or we could hang out here sometimes’

‘You still wanna see me?’ You asked, dumbfounded at the thought of him thinking more of you than just a running partner but his reassuring smile made you melt.

‘Oh um, well yeah. I like hanging out with you’ he shrugged, trying to play it off but his confession made your cheeks hurt.

‘I like hanging out with you too’ you whispered, watching his eyes crinkle at the edges and thinking you’d never seen anything better. Your tummy warming at the interaction between the pair of you and it was only then it hit you what a big fat crush you had on this boy.

You’d known it all along but you made sure to keep your feelings down, knowing if you admitted it to yourself and and made it real then it would just make everything difficult but looking at him here you just wanted to close the gap and press your lips to his.

You didn’t though, swallowing your feelings down as you didn’t want to stick your foot in anything but as the weeks went by it was getting harder to hide.

He would pick you up after your jogs and take you back to his. Having dinner ready for the pair of you as you learnt even more about each other and you loved everything you were finding out about him. He was kind, humble and a little goofy but also smart in his own way and every time he flashed you that toothy grin you wanted to shout from the rooftops about how much you fancied him.

It was only three weeks later when something changed. He met you after your run like usual but you knew something was off and you were pretty sure you knew what it was. He’d invited you round to watch the England game but you knew he was miserable about not being there, the injury taking more out of him than he cared to admit both physically and mentally so when you sat next to him and he rested his head on your shoulder you let him lean on you for comfort.

You knew he was sad, watching all his best friends play when he couldn’t and it’s like his sadness seeping into your skin from where he touched you. You’d do anything to make him smile so without thinking you grabbed his chin so he’d look at you but the look in his eyes felt like a punch to the gut.

‘You alright, Mase?’ You whispered, your question making the corners of his lips turn up slightly before he nodded. Shuffling up in his seat more so he could wrap his arm around your shoulders and bring you into his side, almost like you’d snapped him out of his mood by just checking in on him.

You stayed like that for a while, in a comfortable silence until Mason eventually shuffled a little so he could look at you and the look on his face confused you. You couldn’t figure him out, his eyes focused on you intently but when you felt him leaning forward towards you, you shut your eyes and hoped for the best.

It was a soft kiss, more like he was testing to see your reaction but when he pulled back and your eyes met his again, he was leaning back in to kiss you properly and you felt yourself melt into him as you cupped his jaw and kissed him back just as sweetly.

It felt like you were kissing for hours, everytime you needed to take a breath you were straight back in like you’d die without the touch of his lips on yours.

‘About time huh?’ He laughed, eventually pulling away from you with a chuckle and you could feel yourself blushing as you looked up at him. ‘I’ve wanted to do that for a while’

‘Me too’ you laughed, hiding your face in his neck as he held you tightly.

The second half of the game passed you by unwatched. The pair of you shyly admitting your feelings for each other between stolen kisses and gentle touches before Mason took the plunge and asked you out on a date.

He was perfect and everyday your feelings grew for him even more. He was polite and kind and always wanted to touch you in some way which made your heart sing. Finding him was like finding your missing half so when you received a text from him asking if you could pop over to his after work you did so gladly. Not thinking anything of it until he opened the door to reveal him looking the saddest you think you’d ever seen him look.

Before you could speak he flung himself at you, holding you as tightly as he could before you walked him inside. Taking him into the kitchen where he proceeded to break down in your arms, telling you his injury wasn’t healing, that he needed surgery and that he was scared. Scared he’d never get back to where he was and that the surgery could ruin everything but in your hold he seemed to calm down ever so slightly.

‘Sorry, you didn’t need to see me like that’ he sniffed, eyes looking up into your as you caressed his cheek and you wanted to tell him it was fine but he beat you to it. ‘Truth is, I’ve been holding it in all day. You’re the only person I’ve really wanted to talk to about it’ he whispered, his face soft as he looked back at you and all you wanted was to kiss him. ‘I feel like you’re the only person I can be myself around’

‘Oh Mase’ you breathed,pulling him back onto your hold so you could try and reassure him with your touch while you left tiny kisses on the side of his head. ‘I know it’s scary Mase, but it’s for the best. You can’t carry on like this you know? Thinking it’s gone away for it to just to come back’

‘I know’ he sighed, snuggling into you further. ‘They said it’s pretty routine but I can’t help but worry’

‘That’s understandable but they know what they’re doing. And when it’s all over I’ll be here for you yeah? Whatever you need whether that’s company or you need me to cook or clean or anything. You won’t be on your own’ you told him, trying to be as reassuring as you could and from the way he held you a little tighter you hoped it had worked.

You stuck to your word, coming over when he needed you to and helping him out around the house however he seemingly forgot to tell you his family were still there and you had to meet his parents all sweaty after a run. They didn’t seem to care though and were just as sweet to you as Mason was. He’s eyes sparkling with joy and he watched you get along with them.

When his move came you were unsure of what to do and what it all meant. You’d discussed the possibility of it maybe happening but you knew Mason didn’t want to leave. Mason had been your rock, and you his, for the past few months but this felt different. This felt like it could tear you apart.

He asked for you to come over, sitting you in his lap as he tried to explain everything and you nodded along feeling more hopeless with each word that came out of his mouth.

‘I don’t wanna be without you’ you told him carefully. Putting your heart on the line so you could at least tell yourself you gave it everything, even if he wasn’t willing to do the same. You told yourself if this was the end then you would be okay, these things happen sometimes.

To your surprise though, he was willing to try.

He took your hand in his, squeezing it gently before bumping his nose into yours in hopes you’d look at him and when you eventually did, the look in his eyes took your breath away.

‘I don’t want to be without you either’ he whispered, kissing your forehead gently. ‘I know it’ll be hard but I want us to try to make it work. Even if we just try long distance for now’’

‘I’ve never done long distance’

‘We’ll be fine’ he reassured you, placing a gentle kiss on your lips. ‘We both want this right?’

‘Yeah’

‘I know it’s early but I see a future with you. I wouldn’t bother suggesting it if I didn’t think it would be worth it in the end. I really think we can do this’

‘They say absence makes the heart grow fonder’ you laughed, letting him pull you into his body and you melted into him.

‘I didn’t think I could feel more for you if I tried but everyday I think I love you a little bit more’ he confessed and you felt your heart threatening to beat out of your chest.

Did he just say he loved you?

‘You love me?’ You asked, your lip wobbling as he looked at you softly before bumping his nose against you.

‘I love you’

‘I love you, too’ you replied instantly. Your jaw aching from how much you were smiling. This conversation could have gone many different ways and even though this is the outcome you wanted you never thought it could have happened. That Mason of all people would want you in his life but you were so thankful that he was willing to try with you.

He was still living in a hotel the first time you went to see him. You ordered room service and sat in between his legs as he showed you a selection of houses he was going to choose from. Telling you he wanted your opinion first as it was a joint decision and thankfully your favourite was his too.

When the time came, you helped him move in. Changing all furniture you didn’t like and adding little homey touches like pictures of him and his family plus some of the pair of you and all his keepsakes from home were on display. A reminder of where he came from and how far he still had to go.

You knew long distance would be hard, but sometimes even when you were with him he felt further away than ever.

When the pair of you were apart, you got yourselves into a routine. Texting whenever you could, daily calls or FaceTimes even if it was just to say goodnight and always letting the other know you were thinking of them when you had time.

Mason’s time seemed to be ever decreasing though but you expected it. New team, new friends, new environment. It was bound to be exhausting and you knew he wanted to fit in so you tried to look past the unreplied message and missed calls as he was so apologetic when you did finally get to speak to him. But as the instances grew the apologies stopped and you just accepted that this would be your life for now.

He made up for it when you saw him though. Always having you close and showing you off to his new friends, taking you out to cool dinners and parties with everyone and it made you smile to see how happy he was up here after everything he’s been through since you’d known him.

But as much as you loved the socialising and the parties, you also craved some alone time with Mason when you went to see him too. He was so involved in everything that you felt like the only time he got to be just yours was just before bed and right when you woke up. Your trips feeling evermore wasted as the weeks went by but all you cared about at this point was seeing Mason happy so you pushed your feelings to the side and plastered on a smile for your man.

It had been a long week, and it wasn't even over yet. Finishing work half an hour early so you could jump on a train up to Manchester to meet Mason in hopes for a quiet night in but your hopes were dashed about two minutes in the car.

‘Why are you so dressed up?’ You asked, noticing the nice jacket and jeans he had on but when you looked up to his face, you knew what was coming.

‘We’ve got dinner with Rashy and his new girl tonight’ he smiled, squeezing your knee gently. ‘You've got time to get changed and stuff but you’ll have to be quick’

‘Oh’ you breathed. Not really in the mood to be spending time with others after a long day and hours on a sweaty train. Not to mention you didn’t have anything packed to wear out to dinner as he liked to just spring these things on you but you didn’t want to come across as rude and cancel last minute even though these plans were new to you.

So you did your best, getting changed and sorting your face out before heading out to some fancy restaurant you didn’t know the name of. Rashys date seemed nice and as much as you tried to look like you were involved and interested you knew you were being quiet. Mostly due to tiredness but also due to the fact you wanted a quiet night in and as usual he’d made you plans that you couldn’t back out of.

The rest of the weekend went by in a flash. You worked Friday in his home office until his parents came to stay. Spending all your time with them and only getting Mason alone just before you went to bed where there was no time for any talking. Spending time between the sheets before you were too exhausted to say anything to each other and the time Monday rolled around you felt like you’d barely spent a moment alone with him. Letting him drive you to the train station in the early hours and after a quick kiss and a hug you were back to the real world.

You wanted to say something but it was like each time you tried you couldn’t get the words out. Not sure how to make Mason understand you needed some down time with him and that as much as you loved his friends and family, you didn’t travel all this way every week to feel further away from him than ever. Not only that, the fact he didn’t seem to mind that the pair of you never spent any quality time together made you feel sad as you clearly weren’t on the same page about everything.

The straw that broke the camels back came around a month or so later. You were already pissed off with him as he’d gone out to a club in the week with some of his single friends and had left you on read until early afternoon the next day. The only reason you knew he was there in the first place was because you saw him in the back of a story someone posted, surrounded by girls, but you trusted him enough to know nothing had happened and when he told you it just slipped his mind as he was with so many people you weren’t sure if you were happy or sad about his excuse.

You didn’t want to be the person who slipped his mind when he was always at the forefront of yours. All you did was think about him and the fact it didn’t do the same to you made your heart hurt.

This weekend was make or break for you. One last chance for him to prove he could put you first but he'd already ruined it the first night. Claiming to pop out for five minutes so he could help Bruno move something but he still wasn’t back 3 hours later. You’d taken yourself off to bed in the end, pretending you were asleep when he eventually got home and cuddled up next to you, biting your lip so hard you thought you might have drawn blood just to keep the tears at bay.

Your thoughts were running wild, wondering what he would have in store for you today as he’d promised you a duvet day for getting caught up yesterday but after lunch he dropped the bombshell and you had to bite your lip again.

‘I need to go pick up Rashy, will you be ready by the time I get back?’ He asked but he picked up on your confused face right away. ‘Luke’s brothers friends gallery opening is today, I said we’d go’

‘Oh um-‘

‘You’ve got about an hour so there’s time and I’ll be as quick as I can yeah?’ He told you, kissing your head and getting up before rushing out the door.

You were exhausted and in no mood to be around anyone, even Mason at this point so you didn’t move. Just stayed in bed and tried to think of something you could say to get you out of it. Not realising your hour was up until you heard the front door open downstairs.

‘Baby? Where are you? You ready to go?’ You heard him call from downstairs. Sitting yourself up on the edge of the bed but you tried not to look at his face as he burst in.

‘I don’t feel very well, I don’t think it’s best I go’ you told him quietly. Trying to keep your voice steady so you didn’t burst into tears and you almost lost it when he tilted your face up so he could take a look at you properly.

‘Oh sweetheart, what is it?’

‘Just a bit sick and achey’

‘C’mere’ he whispered, pulling you into his body and you held him like it was the last time. In your mind it might be as your future was decided on what his next actions would be but you were surprised when he took your hand and led you downstairs and into the living room so he could get you comfortable on the sofa and wrap a blanket around you.

With a kiss to your forehead he was running into the kitchen and you smiled when you heard him flick the kettle down before a sense of embarrassment fell over you. You felt like a child pretending to be sick just to get some attention and sympathy from their parents but when you heard him making his way back in you snuggled further down into the sofa so he didn’t see how happy you were.

‘I made you some tea’ he told you. ‘Do you think you’ll be alright?’

‘I think so, i probably just need some rest’

‘Okay well Rashys outside. I won’t be too late I promise and just call me whenever you need me’ he whispered and you felt your blood turn cold.

Surely not?

You thought he was setting you up on the sofa so he could join you but in fact he was just making sure you had everything you needed before he left you on your own.

You didn’t speak, not having anything to say to him anymore so you just snuggled into the cushion and let him press a kiss to your temple before getting up to grab his jacket.

‘Bye baby’ he called from the door but you knew your voice would break so you didn’t say anything back. Only letting your emotions come to the forefront until you heard the door click shut.

You’d finally reached the end of your tether, realising that no matter what you did, his life had changed now he was up here and things wouldn’t go back to the way they used to be.

No cosy nights in where you found comfort in each other's arms. No deep and meaningful chats where you spoke about life and the future and all the things you wanted to do together. No more comfortable silences or support when things got tough. You were his plus one to events. Someone to keep his bed warm for when he was home and someone to wear his shirt in the stands to make it look like he had a good relationship with someone nice.

You felt like a prop and you’d had enough so after a cry and feeling sorry for yourself for a little while, you dragged yourself upstairs so you could go pack your bag and go home. You were no rush as you knew Mason would be out for a while but the longer you stayed the more you felt the walls closing in on you.

Mason had only just made it to the gallery, saying a quick hello to a few of his friends before he was reaching for his phone. Wondering if he should call you to check in but in the end he decided against it. Not wanting to smother you and also thinking you were probably taking a nap but his mind was plagued with thoughts of you.

‘You alright mate?’ Mason heard from behind him, turning to see Luke joining him with a pat to his shoulder. ‘Where’s y/n?’

‘I’m alright bro. She’s not feeling too good so she stayed home. I was just gonna check in’

‘No offence mate, but if she’s sick then why are you here?’ Luke laughed, looking at Mason like he’d lost his mind but all Mason could do was scrunch his brows at the older boy.

‘Why do you mean?’

‘Mate, I love you, you know I do but I see you every day basically. As do most of us here. But y/n? She doesn’t get to see you half as much and the one time she needs you you’ve left her on her own?’

Luke’s words hit him like a dagger to his chest. Was he right? Had he left you all alone in your hour of need just to come here and show his face?

‘Fuck’ he breathed, scratching the back of his head and he came to terms with what he’d done.

‘I bet she’s exhausted mate, she works hard all week and then comes here for you to drag her here, there and everywhere. She probably just wants a bit of quiet time with you mate, you should have stayed. She’s your priority not this’

Luke was right, you needed him and he’d left you alone in his house. Sure you visited all the time but it wasn’t full of your home comforts just yet. Anytime Mason was unwell or sad the only thing he wanted was for you to wrap your arms around him and make him feel better but he’d done the opposite and left you to fend for yourself.

‘Look it’s alright, you’ve got time it’s still early. Just go yeah?’ Luke told him, patting his back as Mason stood up to grab his jacket off the back of the chair.

‘Thank you man’ Mason told him, appreciating Luke for always telling him like it is and after a quick word with Rashy, Mason was out the door and back into his car.

Mason made a stop on the way home, running into Sainsbury’s on the way to pick you up some supplies for you before quietly opening the door. Thinking you might be asleep on the sofa where he’d left you but as he quietly crept in he noticed the blanket you’d been wrapped up in was folded and placed over the back of the sofa, the cushions were sat up neatly and the tea he made you sat on the table untouched.

Figuring you must have gone up to bed he left the bag on the sofa before he slowly climbed the stairs, rehearsing his apology in his head as his heart thudded at the thought of seeing you, but as soon he opened the door he felt it sick into his stomach.

There you stood, eyes red and face blotchy as you zipped up your overnight bag and he felt like he’d been punched in the gut.

‘Bubs? W-what’s going on? What are you doing?’

‘You weren't supposed to be back’ you croaked, rubbing your eyes to try and clear the tears from them but you could see his confusion from a mile away.

‘You’re sick, I thought you might want me here instead’ He told you, his voice quiet and unsure but you didn’t want to be having this conversation right now.

‘Well it’s a shame you didn’t think of that earlier’ you told him harshly. ‘I’m going home, Mase’

‘What, why?’

‘I just am’

‘What? No, please don't go, talk to me’ he pleaded, taking a step towards you but you shuffled back like you didn’t want to be anywhere near him.

‘No Mase, I wanna go home’

‘But you’re sick-‘

‘I’m not sick Mason!’ You blew up, watching him sink back into himself and if you weren’t so mad you might have felt a bit bad for him. ‘I’m not sick’

‘Why did you say you were then?’

‘Cause I didn’t know what else to do to make you want to spend a bit of time with me! And even that didn’t work’ you told him, laughing ever so slightly as you placed your bag down on the floor to make your way out but he was blocking the exit and didn’t look like he was going to move for you.

‘I don’t understand’ he whispered, his eyes filling with tears. ‘Has something happened?’

‘You could say that but it’s been happening for a while and I’ve had enough okay? Just please move and don’t make this difficult’

‘Are you breaking up with me?’ He asked, disbelief infused into his tone but you didn’t want to talk to him. You needed to get out.

‘I-I don’t know’ you mumbled, eyes on the floor as you readjusted your bag, your legs not seeming to want to move now that he was in front of you but you knew all it would take was one look at his face to make you crumble.

‘Talk to me, please’ he begged, walking towards you but you stayed rooted to the spot. ‘You wanna tell me how awful I’ve been and scream at me then fine but I don’t want you to go’ he whimpered, falling to his knees in front of you so he could wrap his arms around you and bury his face into your body. ‘I don’t even understand what’s happening, please talk to me’

All you wanted to do was run your hands through his hair and tell him things were fine even though they weren’t. You were mad and upset with him but you still cared and seeing him so heartbroken made you feel sick but you couldn’t let it get to you. Instead covering your face as you began to sob into your hands and Mason was quick to get up and pull you into his chest.

You let him hold you, let him kiss your forehead as he slowly rocked you from side to side. You let him walk you over to the end of the bed and sit you on his lap until you’d calmed down and when you pulled back, you let him wipe the tears from your face

‘Whatever it is, I’ll fix it. I’ll make it right I promise but you have to tell me’ he whispered. ‘No matter how hard it is okay?’

‘Okay’ you replied, your glossy eyes looking into his and you knew he was right. He wasn’t a mind reader and you hadn't spoken to him about any of it properly so with one last gulp you spilled your guts. ‘Ever since you’ve moved here I feel further away from you than ever’ you admitted, playing with your fingers in your lap as you kept your eyes down so you couldn’t see his reaction. ‘And I knew it would be difficult but it’s not the amount of time we’re spending together, it’s what we’re doing with it’

‘I don’t understand’

‘Apart from an hour or so in the mornings and the same in the evenings, when was the last time we did something just the two of us? The last time we got dinner together just us two? Or stayed in and did nothing?’ You asked and it’s like you could see him trying to recall a time. ‘Everytime I come and visit it’s like we always have to be around other people and I’m not saying I don’t want us to see anyone else but I come here to see you, you know? To spend time with you and it just hurts feeling like you don’t want to spend time with me alone’

‘I do, I promise I do’ he told you, shaking his head as he gripped your thigh. ‘I didn’t even realise i- fuck I’m so sorry’ be whispered. ‘I never meant anything by it at all, I didn’t even know I was doing it. Why haven’t you said anything?’

‘I didn’t want you to think I don’t like your friends or don’t want to spend time with your family cause I do. I love everyone in your life and I didn’t want you to think I was being selfish or whatever but I’m finding all of this so hard. Like I knew long distance would be difficult and I thought the we’d make the time we did spend together count but this isn’t what I expected’

‘I’d never think that about you bubs, you’re not selfish at all’ he reassured you and you offered him a half smile.

‘But I do just want you to myself sometimes. And it hurt a little bit thinking you didn’t want me. I travel all the way here for us to be together for you to want to spend our time doing things with other people. And maybe I sound silly-’

‘No, don’t say that’ he interjected, holding your face gently to try and make you look at him and the sadness in his eyes nearly tipped you over the edge. ‘I do want to spend time with you, I really do’ he reassured you, his chin wobbling as his own eyes filled with tears. ‘The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt you but I wasn’t even thinking. I still feel like the new kid here and I really wanna fit in so if i'm being invited somewhere I just wanna say yes to everything and everyone’

‘I get that’ you nodded, suddenly feeling like you’d maybe over reacted a little bit but it’s like he could read your and wanted to let you know you were still right.

‘But you should be my priority. You are my priority I promise and I swear I’ll make sure I prove it to you now. Like I should have done this whole time’ he croaked. Tears spilling from his eyes he shut them tightly. ‘Please don’t leave me bubs. You’re my everything, I’ll be nothing without you’

‘Oh Mase’ you whispered, tears falling from your eyes as you wrapped your arms around his neck. Finally holding him like you had wanted to all day.

This was the most upset you’d ever been around each other, sobbing into each others necks until you felt like you could form a coherent sentence and pulling back to see Mason so heartbroken made your tummy sink.

‘I’ll stay okay? But can we please talk about this? I need to know where I stand’

‘Baby…’ he breathed, sounding almost in shock at the words coming from you but he nodded straight away. ‘Whatever you need, okay? I’ll do it. I’m so sorry, I love you so much’

‘I love you too’ you whispered, fresh tears filling your eyes as you confessed your feelings. You did love him, you didn’t want to go and all this really had been was a bit of a cry for help so when he pressed his lips to your cheek you felt your heart flutter.

‘Can we get into bed?’ He asked, sounding almost shy but you nodded, standing up gently and reaching for your bag so you could pull your pjs out but he cottoned on to what you were doing. Instead pulling the top from his body and handing it to you and you took it with a small smile.

‘I just need the loo and I’ll be back’ you told him, not wanting to change in front of him for some reason so you locked yourself away. Splashing your face with cold water to try and get the swelling around your eyes to go down but in the end you just went with it. Knowing Mason looked the same and after a little pep talk you made your way back to him. Dressed only in your underwear and his shirt, your heart fluttering as his smell engulfed you and when you finally caught sight of him under the covers you couldn’t help but feel nervous.

But again he could read you, pulling back the sheets and holding his hand out to help you in before holding you flush to him. Your legs tangled beneath you as he cautiously reached up under your top so he could stroke your lower back but your reassuring smile let him know it was fine and you welcomed his gentle touches.

‘Are you okay?’ He whispered, voice thick with concern as his eyes fluttered over your face.

‘I’m fine, Mase. I’m sorry if I worried you by saying I was sick but I’m alright’

‘Don’t be sorry, I’m the sorry one. The fact that you even had to say all that in the first place makes me feel awful’ he sighed, squeezing your side as you offered him a sympathetic smile. ‘But we’ve got the rest of the night to ourselves now and we can do whatever you want yeah? And all of tomorrow. Even if you wanna just stay in bed the whole time I’ll do it’

‘What about Luke?’ You asked, knowing tomorrow was reserved for a day with him and his family but Mason shook his head before placing a soft kiss to your forehead.

‘I’ve cancelled, just me and you tomorrow, yeah? and we can do whatever you like’ he whispered, feeling your face break out into a smile.

‘Was he okay?’

‘Of course, I told him earlier you were sick and he actually gave me a bit of a telling off’ he told you. ‘It should have hit home then, when he said it, but it’s like I was a bit blind to it. I’m so sorry baby’

‘I should have said something before. It’s just an awkward one you know? And I know you didn’t mean anything by it’

‘Of course not. I just feel bad saying no when someone asks me to do something and I love having you around and showing you off. But life’s all about balance right’

‘Exactly, and of course we can still hang out with your friends and do all that stuff-‘

‘But I’ll make time for just us, yeah? I promise’ he told you firmly, his lips attaching to your forehead as he tried to reassure you.

‘Okay’ you whispered, snuggling down into his chest so you could just hold each other again. Content in the silence as he slowly drew circles on your back and you realised everything would be fine.

‘We’re okay then yeah?’ He asked hopefully, and you nodded into his skin. Feeling his whole body relax at your answer before he pulled you in even tighter. ‘I really am sorry. I think I just got a bit lazy and needed a kick up the bum but consider me well and truly kicked’

‘Okay’ you laughed, trying to burrow yourself into him even more. ‘Hey, Mase?’

‘Yes bubs?’

‘I’m a little bit hungry’ you whispered, looking up at him cheekily but he was looking back at you with the same smile.

‘Thank fuck’ he laughed, kissing your cheek. ‘I’m starved, left before the food came out earlier’ he winked and you rolled your eyes at him before he tickled your sides playfully. ‘I’ll go make us something’

‘I’ll come with you’ you smiled, not wanting to be too far from him now and his lopsided smile as he took your hand made your heart beat out of your chest.

After raiding his freezer you managed to find a pizza and popped that in the oven before finding some bits to snack on while you waited. Looking over to the sofa to find the discarded Sainsbury’s bag and after a cheeky look inside you found lemsip and lucozade plus your favourite sweets and when you looked over at him with a confused face he just shrugged his shoulders.

‘I thought you were ill, I was making sure I’d have everything you need’

‘That’s very sweet Mason but I don’t think strawberry pencils cure colds’ you laughed. Packing everything back into the bag before going back into the kitchen. ‘I appreciate the thought though’

Suddenly, the low music he’d had on in the background got louder. Making you turn to him with a confused expression but his shy smile melted you. Holding his hand out for you to take and once you had, he pulled you into his chest so he could sway you from side to side slowly.

This was what you missed. Quality time together where you had nowhere to be and no one to answer to. Where Mason could be Mason and you could be you. Half naked dancing in his kitchen at 7:30pm without a care in the world.

‘I feel so stupid’ he breathed, lips gently pressing to your hairline. ‘I’ve missed this so much and I didn’t even realise’

‘Things have been a little crazy lately. I get why you’ve been caught up in everything’ you reassured him. ‘As stupid as it sounds i just thought you didn’t love me anymore’

‘That could never happen, I love everything about you’ he whispered. Stopping you both in your tracks so he could grip your jaw and look into your eyes whilst speaking to you. ‘I love your eyes, and the way they twinkle. Especially when you talk about something you love. I love your nose and the way you scrunch it up when I compliment you’ he laughed, kissing it lightly. ‘I love your lips and I love it when I make you smile.

‘Mase…’ you started breathlessly. Overwhelmed by his words but he wasn’t done yet.

‘I love the sound of my name coming out of your mouth. I love the way it feels when you hold me, just like this. You make me feel safe and loved and whole. And I love that you take me just as I am, no matter what. Sometimes I think I was made to love you and the fact that I could of lost you tonight kills me’

‘I’m not going anywhere, I promise’ you whispered, eyes filling with tears at how you’d almost lost him yourself. Knowing you’d never be half as happy with anyone that wasn’t him.

‘Thank you. And I promise I’ll never make you feel like that again. Hand on heart, you’re my priority and I’ll prove it to you everyday’

‘I know you will,’ you told him. Finally reaching up so you could plant a kiss on his lips and the way you both sunk into each other made your heart flutter. You hadn’t kissed like this in a while and you felt yourself shiver as he slowly ran his fingers up and down your back. One hand eventually snaking down to pinch your bum and the feeling made you chuckle into his mouth. ‘Mase, we need to check the pizza, it’s probably burning’

‘I don’t care’ he told you, attaching his lips back to yours but you could feel the smirk on his lips. ‘I’ll burn this whole house down if it comes to it, I don’t wanna stop kissing you’

So that’s what you did. You stood in each other's embrace as you continued to brush your lips against his. Slowly caressing each other's skin as you made up for lost time and when you finally pulled back and looked into his eyes, you knew you’d never have to worry about anything ever again.

Thank you so much for reading. I’d really love some feedback so if you’d like to, please send me or message or drop me an ask. I’d really love to hear from you xx

#mason mount #mason mount one shot #mason mount fanfic #mason mount smut #mason mount blurb #mason mount fluff #mason mount imagines #mason mount story #mason mount imagine #mason mount angst #mason mount fic #mason mount fan fiction #mason mount fan fic #mason mount scenarios #mason mount x reader #mason mount x y/n #footballer x reader #footballer x y/n #footballer imagines #footballer imagine #footballer fan fiction

[vodika-vibes]

Worth The Cost

Summary: Fives is dead. Killed at the hands of one of his own brothers. And you've decided that this just won't stand. But Revenge isn't your style. No. You'd really rather just being him back.

Pairing: ARC Trooper Fives x Reader

Word Count: 793

Warnings: Angst, Also the reader is arguably not a good person here

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: This is an idea I'm half toying with. (I wanted to write Fives fluff and this is not Fives fluff, curse my brain-)

The first time you met Fives, you thought he was the galaxy's biggest idiot. You were at 79s with your friends, and your friends ditched you, and left you alone with a man with a grin that was too wide, and a laugh that was too loud, and had a five tattooed on his forehead, and, honestly, you hadn’t been impressed.

He felt fake. From his smile to his laugh and you knew that you couldn’t trust a word out of his mouth.

Not until several drinks in, and that loud boisterous facade faded into something a little quieter, a little more genuine. The smile became more real, the laughter more genuine-

And you realized that you could love him, if you gave him the chance.

You spent the night dancing with Fives, with his clutching you close, as though terrified that you might slip away if he loosened his grasp even a little. You danced with him until the bar closed…and then you took him home with you, and danced with him until the sun came up.

It wasn’t love, not then. Not yet.

It wasn’t love until later.

It wasn’t love until you woke up early one morning, with Fives’ arm snug around your waist, and you watched the sun glide across muscles and scars, easing him into wakefulness.

It wasn’t love until he flashed that sleepy little smile at you first thing in the morning, and he mumbled your name in his raspy sleep thickened voice.

It wasn’t love until suddenly, one day, it was.

And you favored him with a blinding smile, and a warm kiss and a whisper of love, of affection, of adoration-

And you watched as awe slid across his face. And you watched as awe turned into adoration. And you laughed, warm and breathless, as he kissed you over and over and over-

It had been the start of a whirlwind romance.

The love was real. It was real and it was yours.

And then it was gone.

Not the love. No, that would linger. The love sank into the deepest parts of your heart and soul, and would remain until the day you breathed your last. No. The love remained.

But Fives was gone.

Killed.

Murdered.

“He attempted to assassinate the Chancellor,” Captain Rex says hesitantly, sounding about as hollow as you felt, “I’m sorry.” And then he leaves. 

He leaves, as though that explanation is enough.

He leaves, as though he hasn’t just ripped your heart out and stomped it into dust.

You sit silently in your apartment after you get the news. Hollow. Empty. Apathetic. 

And then you stand up and you move into your bedroom.

Fives is dead.

Game over. The end. Fin.

Only. Not so much.

There are certain truths in the galaxy. The Force exists, it flows between all people and all objects. It’s a quantifiable entity. It exists, though you cannot feel it acting on you.

Because the Force exists, then so do Force entities. Jedi encounter them. Interact with them. 

And if Force entities exist, then it stands to reason that other entities exist too.

You reach into your jewelry box and pull out a simple purple pendant. 

Once upon a time, a lifetime ago, you committed a crime. A horrible, horrendous crime. You wiped out entire civilizations to save someone you loved. Because of your hubris and your ego, you thought you knew better than anyone else, and an entire galaxy paid the price for it. And your punishment was to serve as a guide to the dead, for as long as it took to make up for all the lives you stole.

You finished your punishment, thousands of years of punishment, and were granted a new lease on life here on Coruscant. And you’ve been good. You haven’t hurt anyone. You got a job and you paid taxes and you followed the rules-

And you took a chance on happiness. Only for it to get ripped away from you.

It’s not right. It’s not fair. 

You lift the pendant so it’s hanging eye level, “I once sentenced a galaxy to death to save the life of my best friend,” You say, calmly and clearly to the pendant, “What do you think I’ll do to bring back the man I love more than my own life?”

Turns out you hadn’t learned much from your thousands of years of punishment after all.

You close your hand around the deep purple stone, and step closer to the wall. Slowly, painfully, you use the sharp edge of the stone to cut a tear between the barrier between the living and the dead. And then you step through the hole you created.

You will bring Fives back. Nothing else matters.

#star wars #tcw #arc trooper fives x reader #fives x reader #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction

[extrasfromthevoid]

Sibling Saga (part 1/5)

@tmntbestsibscompetiton

Raph and Milo have my favorite sibling dynamic because they're both the eldest of the bunch and feel a responsibility to protect their brothers. Milo feels it strongest as the elder sister (and the oracle), but Raph still has that protective brother inclination he has in the canon. It's a bit reduced though since he doesn't have the pressure of being the oldest and biggest, and being the team leader. With Milo in the picture, Raph is just the biggest.

For Raph, Milo is like...his personal hero. She's strong and kind and always gives it her all to protect them, and Raph wants more than anything to protect Milo back in turn. This is the moment in their childhood that really solidified that for him.

For Milo, Raph is the brother she has the closest bond with. He's her little shadow and someone she trusts to protect their family should she be absent. She adores his bold spirit and how he's unafraid to express his interests and joys. She's also the only one in the family to show any interest in wrestling, so Milo and Raph frequently watch together. Unlike Raph, Milo doesn't have a favorite wrestler as she just enjoys watching the performances and cheering alongside her biggest little brother.

(also, I believe in field-medic!Raph supremacy. He takes the relatively minor/everyday injuries while Leo takes the more in-depth surgical knowledge. If you've got a bad scrape or burn or flesh wound, you go to Raph. If you've got broken bones and potential internal bleeding, you go to Leo)

[fic below cut]

“And stay gone!” Milo shouts, waving her bokken threateningly as the dog runs back down the alley from whence it came.

Her breath comes out in ragged huffs and her left arm stings painfully, but at least the threat is gone.

Exhaling heavily, Milo puts the bokken on her back again and turns back to her brothers. Raph is curled protectively around Mikey, Leo, and Donnie, his spiky shell facing outwards defensively but a noticeable tremble in his shoulders.

“Everyone okay?” She asks, crouching down to them.

Mikey pops out of his shell and nods. “I’m okay.”

Donnie mumbles something Milo can’t quite catch.

"Donnie and I are okay too,” Leo says.

Milo nods. “And you, Raph? You were really taking the brunt of that,” she says, eyeing the sluggishly oozing scratches and the scuffed sections of his shell and shoulders, and a couple of scrapes on his legs from when he hit the ground.

He turns to look her in the eye, about to answer her when his eyes abruptly focus on Milo’s arm. “You’re hurt!”

Glancing down, Milo finds that the aching wound on her arm is a lot more visually distressing than she thought. At some point, the dog had lunged for her face and Milo put her arm up in a rising block to defend. Instead of sinking its sharp teeth into her face, it sunk them into Milo’s forearm. She didn’t think much of it at the time. It hurt, sure, but she could still fight and the threat was still present. So she kept going.

She hadn’t realized it was so deep until now as she watches the blood dribble down her arm, off her fingertips and splatter on the pavement of the alley.

“Oh. It’s okay, Raph. It’s just a scratch,” she says, trying—and clearly failing if her brothers’ expressions are any indication—to hide her profusely bleeding arm.

Raph pivots fully to face her, releasing their other brothers, who are circling, clearly torn between wanting to help and wanting to vomit—mostly the latter in Donnie’s case—though Mikey is visibly on the verge of tears.

Milo hisses a little in pain as Raph pulls her arm out between them to inspect her injury. Her heart breaks a little at the sad whine that comes from her little brother as he gets a clearer look at the damage.

The distant noise of the human city suddenly becomes less distant and Milo is starkly aware of how exposed she and her brothers are.

“Come on. Let’s go!” She hisses, abruptly herding her brothers towards the manhole.

Milo doesn’t relax until all five of them are safely sequestered in the cool dampness of the sewers and out of sight. Leo wastes no time climbing up onto Milo’s back and Donnie onto Raph’s shell with Mikey—the latter a little grumpy about being beat by Leo to his favorite spot, that being Milo’s back.

With the looming danger gone, Milo lets herself relax. However, Raph immediately starts pulling Milo along—thankfully by her uninjured arm.

“Whoa! Raph!” Milo exclaims in surprise.

“We gotta bandage your arm before it gets infected,” Raph stats firmly.

From his perch on Raph’s shell, Donnie nods. “No repeats of The Incident, dear sister,” he declares.

Milo grimaces, thinking of the ugly, puckered scar on her left thigh and the miserable sickness that followed the injury that caused it. Her brothers hadn’t left her side for a month as she’d been bedridden with a high fever, even after she’d recovered thanks to the medicine Dad brought her from the surface.

Admittedly, Milo’s a little surprised they remembered given it was four years ago now, but she’s also quite touched. Still, Milo wishes they wouldn’t worry so much about her. Worrying is supposed to be her job.

Quietly, Milo relents to letting Raph tug her along as Donnie, Leo, and Mikey chat loudly amongst themselves. When they return home, the three youngest dismount from Raph and Milo.

“We’re gonna go tell Dad what happened,” Leo declares.

Donnie goes rigid. “Wait! Leo, maybe Dad doesn’t need to know all of it—!”

He’s gone—Donnie and Mikey on his heels, begging for Leo to minimize their own involvement in the events leading up to their close encounter—before Milo can object, and Raph pulls her towards their designated med bay.

It’s just a small side room, nowhere near as impressive as Baba’s was, but in the years that Milo has lived with Dad, she’s found that none of them need anything near the level that she had with Baba. They’ve got a fairly robust stockpile for dire emergencies like broken bones and cracked shells, but the bulk of their medical supplies are bandages and anti-bacterial salve because that’s most of what they need.

Raph immediately bee-lines for the metal box covered in stickers that sits in the lowest cabinet—well within easy reach for their smaller brothers just in case they need it for whatever reason—and sits on the ground in front of Milo. Silently, she does the same, watching as Raph picks out the salve tube and cotton swabs and gauze wraps from amongst the collection of bandaids and gets to work.

They sit in silence for a while as Raph applies disinfectant and looks over the bite mark on Milo’s forearm.

And then…

“You shouldn’t have done that, sis,” Raph mumbles.

Milo starts. “Huh? Of course I had to do it, Raph!” She protests. “That dog was really mean and it could have hurt you all really badly.”

Raph’s eyes shine wetly. “But you got hurt protecting us…”

“I’m your big sister, Raph,” Milo says quietly as Raph wraps her injury.

“It's my job to protect you. I don’t mind getting a scrape or two out of it.”

His beak scrunches irritably at that, tears spilling from his eyes. “But if you’re protecting us, who’s protecting you?” He asks.

Milo doesn’t have a good answer to that. She doesn’t see herself as someone who needs protecting. She’s supposed to be the one doing the protecting. If there comes a day where that isn’t the case, then that means that Milo isn’t doing her job right.

She’s about to say as much when Raph continues.

“You matter so much to us, Milo. I hate it when you risk yourself like this,” he admits. He wipes his tears on the back of his arm and when he meets Milo’s gaze, it’s with a look of absolute determination. “That’s why Raph’s gonna to protect you right back!”

Milo finds herself chuckling at that. “Okay, sure.”

“I’m serious!” Raph protests, face flushing with his indignation.

“You’ll see! When I’m bigger, I’ll be able to protect all of us, just like you!”

Despite herself, Milo can’t help the warm, fuzzy feeling that blooms in her chest. She smiles fondly at her little brother.

When he wraps her arm, Milo turns the favor right back on him. Raph’s injuries are a lot more superficial than Milo’s but are more numerous. They’re giggling amongst themselves, picking through the selection of novelty bandaids when Dad comes stumbling in, Leo, Mikey, and Donnie shuffling sheepishly behind him.

“Green! Red! Are you both alright?” He exclaims.

Dad doesn’t even wait for them to answer before fretting over them both, looking visibly pained by the deep, still oozing bite wound on Milo’s left arm. Even now, little spots of red peak through the bandage, but not enough to warrant changing it right now. Later, definitely, but it’ll be fine until the bleeding stops completely.

“Oh, Green…”

“It’s alright, Dad,” Milo assures him. “It’s just a flesh wound.”

“Milo…that dog bit you pretty deep…,” Mikey whimpers.

“Yeah! What if you get rabies!” Leo shouts. “Are we gonna have to get you to a human hospital? Rabies is no joke! You’ll die from it!”

Donnie elbows Leo sharply in the side. “Nardo, that dog definitely didn’t have rabies,” he states calmly. “It was just aggressive and poorly trained. Still, our dear sister is at risk of infection. Who knows what that beast put in its mouth before biting her.” Donnie sticks out his tongue at the thought.

Dad exhales shakily and ruffles Milo’s hair, messing up the strands she has tucked behind her green bandana. She laughs, putting up a token protest against the show of affection.

“At least you all are alright,” Dad says.

“Of course we are!” Milo beams. “I’ll always make sure we come home safe.”

Raph shoulders in, pouting. “And I’ll make sure sis comes back too!”

Dad smiles softly, visibly relieved. “I am glad to hear it,” he says.

“Now. You’ve all had a trying day. How about some fruit?”

All five of them cheer, following their dad to the kitchen, and leaving behind the mess of bloodied cotton balls and torn up bandaid wrappers, the ordeal temporarily forgotten.

(But Raph never forgets the oath he made this day. Even if Milo admittedly didn’t take it very seriously, so sure that no matter what happens, her little brother will never have to shoulder her burden of safeguarding their family alone.)

#void’s art #void's writing #rottmnt oc: milo hamato #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt best siblings competition #raph is definitely the brother that hates milo's habit of bearing the weight of the world on her own the most #he WANTS to help but for the longest time milo doesnt really let him #milo trusts raph to look after their brothers but...not her #in her eyes: SHE'S the one that does the bulk of the protecting and while she knows she cant be everywhere at once-- #--milo often forgets herself in that; confident she can power through whatever stands in her way (even tho she doesnt HAVE to)

[manhandlememando]

Gravity Ch. 1

din djarin x f!reader

TW: depictions of injuries, Razor Crest lives, written in third person POV (refers to reader as she/her)

word count: 1,039

(series is ongoing)

There was a push and pull between them. He fell away from her orbit quite quickly after Grogu was taken back to his own kind. When Luke Skywalker had come to collect Grogu for his training it was almost as if Din crumpled before her. As if the oxygen was being forced out of him with every step the Jedi took away from them. The look in his eyes had broken her. She had only seen him briefly when he initially took off his helmet. Frozen in shock she took in his beautiful tan skin, the light and patchy beard crawling down the expanse of his jaw, the brown tendrils falling over his forehead. Sharply inhaling when she saw his eyes. The most divine chocolate eyes she had ever seen. So warm and yet so hurt, pooling with tears as Grogu touched his chin lightly. It was then she everted her eyes out of respect. He had not revealed his face again to her after that day, and she was sure she would never see it again. She could tell even with the helmet covering his features that he never looked at her anymore. Not more than a glance was all she felt she received now.

She knew Tatooine wasn’t a place to be trusted, at least outside of Nevarro. Mos Eisley wasn’t much of a town, but it was the town Din had chosen on their journey to finding the covert. She wondered if she should leave soon, if he really needed her without the child present needing to be taken care of. Without Grogu she played no other part in his life than a distant partner who aided him in ship repairs, bounty hunts, and anything else he may need. However what she really wondered was if actually needed her at all or if he was solely using her for an extra body on missions.

She had left the ship earlier in the day to grab supplies from a trader in town at the local cantina. The Mandalorian had left in search of fuel, so she placed a small note on the window of the cockpit, directly in front of the throttle. Knowing he would see the note, she then left and started into town.

—————————

Her presence on the ship had shifted his universe ever so slightly over the passing months. His planets and moons and stars all shifting closer to her. In the time after Grogu had left, Din retreated within himself. Not having dealt with loss like this in quite a long time, it had made him almost more angry and he had decided to channel that into work. With his focus entirely on keeping his mind preoccupied from his aching heart, Din genuinely hadn’t noticed just how much his center of gravity had shifted until that night when she still hadn’t returned from the cantina in the village. She had left a note, but no time assuring her return. Having been preoccupied with refueling the ship and finishing a repair on the left engine, he hadn’t noticed the lack of her presence on the vessel. She hasn’t been gone that long, has she? Din normally never worried about her leaving the ship and leading her own schedule, however something seemed off. A horrific Rolodex of thoughts spun in his head of all the possibilities of her absence. The sun in his universe had suddenly vanished, plunging him into a darkness he didn’t know she could hinder with her light. He tried to calm himself from the frenzy in his head. His helmet feeling overwhelming he retreats to his quarters to remove it. Gasping lightly as he sucks in the cool air of the ship, his head begins to clear. Comm her you idiot, shaking his head at this realization he puts his helmet back on and sends a communication signal to her Commlink, heading back towards the cockpit. After some time he checks but still receives no response. He repeats her name and his request for her location, worry beginning to build within him again.

“Maker, would you just respond so I - ,“ he starts.

She cuts him off, “Hey Tin Can, I’m right here stop blowing up my Commlink,” Din circles in his pilots chair to face her and immediately stands and takes a step towards her at what he’s met with. She’s bleeding, not terribly but visibly enough to be concerning.

“It’s fine,” she huffs, turning away from him curtly. He recoils at her rejection, realizing he wasn’t supposed to be feeling like this… but what was this? As she disappears into the ‘fresher of the ship, he cursed lowly in Mando’a for letting her leave unprotected. She is capable of defending herself, he immediately corrects himself. He heads towards the cockpit in an effort to give her space, as it seemed she wanted it.

He hadn’t noticed just how much she shifted even the ground he walked on, until her curt attitude hadn’t changed after several hours. Her absence causing Din to practically stumble over, everything shifting away with her as she put more and more distance between them. Slipping through hyperspace seamlessly, he sits in the cockpit waiting for her to emerge, but she doesn’t. When his thoughts finally win against his will he makes his way to her quarters. He lifts a gloved hand to knock on her door, almost automatically the door opens without him even touching it and he stumbles back in surprise. She hadn’t planned on seeing him either, clad in a thin tank top and her loose flight pants, the extent of her injuries was revealed. Dark blue and purple formed paths up her arms, a deep bruise blossoming along the column of her throat. She ducked her head to cover the large mark growing by the second. Din stood silent not understanding what small weapon could have created such small contusions. With a sharp inhale she could hear through his voice modulator she knew he had realized what had happened. Or at least had an idea. His breath is held as his brain stumbles onto the realization: they’re fingerprints. And almost as quickly as that thought came to him, the next horrified him even more. The large bruise on her neck was now forming into the shape of a hand.

“Mesh’la” he whispered it, concern almost tangibly falling from his lips. In his sympathy he hadn’t noticed he said that aloud until her frown deepened and a quizzical look adorned her face at his words. And he is, in that moment, eternally grateful she doesn’t know that one yet.

#the mandolorian x reader #din djarin #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian fanfiction #din djarin fanfiction #the mandalorian angst #din djarin angst #din djarin x f!reader #the mandalorian x f!reader #star wars fanfiction #sw the mandalorian #din djarin smut #star wars #the mandalorian

[prowerprojects]

I certainly wouldn't be shocked if the VS. Nine episode happens earlier than expected in the last batch. (But if so, that will almost 100% guarantee what ending they go with; despite leaning on one outcome more than other. The fact that the Council attack the other verses practically right away, I knew Nine was likely taking over as main antagonist. The seeds were planted already, but it honestly could have happened the next batch or halfway in THIS one.) I just hope everything lands well enough.

Yeah, there were a few moments; despite the projecting, Sonic teased the idea of Nine meeting Tails. Too bad it wasn't done very formally nor in the best light. But I can believe he still might be somewhat curious. (I have been thinking; should the shatterverses survive, would they actually try to merge them into one world that's separated from Green Hill? {Or they just move to fill up the Grim; if it's still going to be called that by the end} Like a loophole that allows both to coexist akin to two planets.)

True, though he did seem to be warming up the affection by the halfway point even despite that: Still doesn't like being hugged but didn't push Sonic away this time, willingly gave a high-five after discovering he kinda liked it, sticking up for Sonic and more outwardly concern for his wellbeing. (Yeah, though it's completely possible they could have met under different circumstances. A two-tailed fox might not be normal, but a fox with multi mechanical tails isn't normal either and probably would have caught Sonic attention regardless. Maybe not to stop and chat, but definitely to observe. Who knows.)

Hmm, now that he does have the shards, I wonder if they'll have Nine be curious enough to give his counterparts another look. (Specifically, their friendships with their groups. Now that he's fully aware, should the thought of having a similar past go through his head. Should he have second thoughts about having companions, or would it double down on his heartbreak? 8 episodes left and I'm more confident in a Tails x 3 episode than one where Nine gives friendship a second chance under different people. Heck, he might build his own friend instead, but I digress.)

Nine as an antagonist would be interesting to see, though I'm expecting halfway through the next third of the season the real "Big Bad" would be tge bottomless pit, so we'll probably get the real Nine confrontation in ep4-5.

Yeah, I do wonder. I'm still thinking of the Shatterverse counterparts as the "shards" of the original characters, and think they would all need to be combined to restore everything, so it's a bit confusing for me how they could exist with the ogs also coming back. Though maybe they'll work something out or I'm just misunderstanding the situation.

Oh, I don't doubt he liked the affection. It's just there was so much and so suddenly, it was overwhelming and stopped him from actually thinking and realizing what's going on.

This is the face Nine makes when Sonic talks about him meeting Tails. His ass is not processing. He kept being in denial until he straight up heard from Sonic that their plans were different, even though he already started to pick up on the signs.

(Well, Nine was trying to be stealthy and Sonic only saw him because he was deliberately looking, and then they were only able to talk because Sonic was able to break in into his lab (because he had the same password as Tails). Well, who knows how that would have gone. Prime Sonic isn't the most observant)

Hey, you know, Nine did say that "the only person he could trust is himself", and he already realized that Sails and Mangey are different versions of him (since he was also able to realize that Shadow is not a different version of Sonic), so maybe he would trust them? Mangey already learned a lesson about how you need to communicate and talk about your feelings, maybe he'll be able to explain it to Nine (I don't think Sails had learned any kind of lesson, the pirates keep being manipulated by Dread with no consequences. I don't know how to connect it to Sonic & Nine's conflict without making it seem like he's obligated to forgive Sonic, which he isn't)

#tails #nine #nine the fox #sonic prime #sonic prime spoilers #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #project.txt #project.ask

[lgcsujin]

"Questions about relationships? Sure."

have you ever felt truly loved by someone?

"Yes," he replied right away. "Of course." Sujin was slightly baffled by this question because he couldn't imagine someone answering no. "My mother. My father." He counted, starting with the people closest to him. His mother carried him for many months, suffered through a difficult labor and still smiled upon seeing him. Sujin's father was difficult at times, but despite not seeing eye-to-eye, he never doubted the man's love for him. "My siblings." His older brother and sister were from another mother, but they accepted him. His younger sister was his little tail growing up, so it would be hard to imagine her not liking him. "My friends." Granted, he didn't have many. However, those he had were all loyal and supportive.

"Why?" Sujin looked up sharply, suddenly feeling a little defensive. "Do I look...hard to love?"

who is the most important person in your life?

A difficult question.

"Everyone in my life are important and I need all of them." He frowned, not understanding why he should have to choose one person when he loved many. "If I must pick..." Sujin imagined everyone he loved in a burning building. It was an uncomfortable thing to picture, but it did help clear his thoughts. "I guess my baby sister." She would be the one he jump into the flames for first. Poor Soyeon was the frailest of his loved ones and thus deserved his attention the most. That said, he would happily risk his life for any of the people in his circle - they didn't even have to be part of the inner circle.

what is your idea of romance?

"My idea of romance is devotion and adoration. A fierce love between two people like a flame that would never burn out." He spoke in his usual monotone, which was a bit funny considering that he was having a passionate discussion about love. "Understanding each other. Spending quiet time together in a garden, going on walks and trips...seeing all the beauty this world has to offer. That type of thing." Great, he just sounded really sappy. Oh well, not like he was ashamed of how he felt. "For me, trust is also important. I will not accept betrayals or lies in a relationship. If someone I love hurt me in that regard, I will kill them."

Cold, unblinking stare.

"I am just joking," he added after five seconds, seeing how the coach was not laughing.

how do you show someone you care about them?

"I spend time with them." What was more valuable than time and energy, right? "And do things they like." He was capable of pushing himself for those he favored. For example, his mother liked huge birthday parties and despite hate being near crowds, Sujin would arrange for them and stay for the entire event. His younger sister liked to have tea time when she was a child and insisted that he join. So despite feeling extremely embarrassed as he was already a teenager, he'd sit down with her huge plush animals and drink his imaginary tea.

"Also, I share what I like with them." For example, his desserts. Getting Sujin to part with his cakes was like asking him to chop off his hand, but he could be persuaded if he liked the other person enough. Or felt like they needed it more. He would also show them his secret spots around the house or garden, let them sit on his favorite chair or read his special collection of books.

What else.

"I won't let anyone hurt them. Their enemies are my enemies. Their troubles are my troubles and I will make problems go away."

have you ever lost someone important to you?

"Yes." It was abrupt, too. She was perfect when she was there and their relationship was beautiful like the fireworks. Then one day she was gone without a single word and left him suffering from the lack of closure. Sujin thought he should be angry, but instead he was more hurt. To this day, despite all the years that had passed, he was still waiting for an answer...an explanation.

"But it's alright," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "What's lost can be found. What was mine will be mine again." There it was, the arrogance he had inherited from his father. He will have love again.

#lgc:cupdate004 #i decided to do relationships for both muses hahaha #sujin is kinda intense #even tho i mostly use him for comedy threads

[ameliagiovanna0]

I word vomited because Chenford

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think Ashley is a bad person or a bad character. A little odd, sure, but I don’t think she’s inherently bad. The only thing I have against her is that she’s in the way of Chenford, but it’s most likely just a plot. Although, I do think it’s weird that she doesn’t have more of a problem with Tim and Lucy’s relationship. I genuinely don’t know if it’s because she simply trusts Tim that much, or if it she doesn’t have the self-respect to care. Tim seriously said, “Pretend I’m proposing to her to freak out my coworker,” and Ashley really found nothing weird about that?

Chris, on the other hand, is red flag after red flag. He seems like he’s always trying to be more interesting than he really is. Trying to prove himself as a rookie ADA, talking about food on the double date, and then saying he loved Hawaii even though he’d never been. The thing that sealed the “I hate Chris” deal was him singing Dream a Little Dream of Me in front of Lucy. That whole episode with him was nauseating.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Why is Lucy giving this guy the time of day? She has never been shy about standing up for herself, so why didn't she kick his ass to the curb after the trial prep? It’s so out of character for her. Despite the lack of consistency with this show, I’m going to say that Tim and Ashley’s relationship and Chris and Lucy’s relationship are just setting the stage for a Chenford feelings realization. Especially with Ashley not wanting to get married or have kids, when Tim has blatantly expressed wanting that and with the promo.

I feel like Ashley and Chris have more in common and would make a better couple than their current pairings.

Lucy looked gutted when Tim said he could see himself married to Ashley and again when she though he proposed.

Quick blurb about everyone else. The opening scene had me wheezing with the way Wesley literally fell out of bed. Loving Patrice and Angela moments. I love Patrice as it is. Angela and Wesley are couple goals. I absolutely loved that Donovan’s mom brought Lila to see Nyla. That was a really sweet moment between the three of them. Grey and Luna are cuties. Grey went from hating Nolan to helping him achieve what he wanted, and I’m here for it. Nolan would make a good TO (despite the timeline for that, and pretty much everything else, having gone out the window).

Ok, the promo. Eric said that he had stuff to look forward to toward the end of the season, so I’m hopeful lol. We know Tim and Lucy are going undercover as a couple. I really don’t think Tim and Ashley are going to last much longer at this point. Tim clearly wants to get married and have kids, and I can’t see him giving that up for Ashley. I can’t even venture a guess as to why Chris is still around.  I have two-ish theories about the promo and finale. The first being that Tim and Lucy go undercover and they realize their feelings, but they (either by talking to each other or not), but then it gets awkward between Tim and Lucy and we get some angst into season five. The second part of that theory is that they kiss while UC or end up snuggling because there was only one bed. Kind of along the same lines is that something like I just described happens, but they try to ignore it and go back to their relationships, but eventually realize that it won’t work. My second theory: whatever happens while they’re UC happens, but then they kiss after they get back and we get a cliffhanger.

I am genuinely curious to see what happens with Nolan and the being banished to the boarder and whatever happens with Pete. Because that’s historically hilarious.

I have some questions though. Why is Tim suddenly ok with Lucy going undercover? Does he go with her because he’s worried about her? If so, what does Ashley think about it, assuming they’re still together? Maybe he didn’t have a choice in them going?

I think that’s all of my thoughts 🥴😂

#the rookie #chenford #lucy chen #tim bradford #nyla harper #angela lopez #wesley evers #wopez #john nolan #patrice evers #ashley mcgrady #chris sanford #wade grey #luna grey

[jmagnabo92]

Rebuilding

I’ve posted the AO3 link before, but I’d thought I’d put the whole thing on here - long read.

Summary: James survives that night because he was away when Voldemort attacked, Sirius helps him through his grief, taking care of him and Harry as they rebuild their lives after the war.

October 31st, 1981  

“Are you sure it’s okay if I go with Remus tonight?” James asks. Remus had recently randomly reached out to James about being with him on the full moon night despite James being in hiding with Lily and Harry.  

Lily smiles at him, “He’s finally reaching out to you about things other than money since Harry was born and we went into hiding.  You know he won’t reach out to Sirius…”

“Because he thinks Sirius is a traitor,” James spats, angrily. The last conversation he’d had with Remus had been an announcement of them going into hiding mere weeks after Harry’s birth, in which Remus had argued that Sirius wasn’t trustworthy and had ultimately stormed out on them.  He’d gotten very few letters in the last year or so, but this one had left the opportunity to make amends, something James was interested in.  “I just don’t feel comfortable leaving you and Harry alone.”

“We won’t be.  We’ll have our favorite doggie here in no time, won’t we, Harry?” Lily teases, tickling their son and noting that, as always, whenever James has had to leave for supplies and such, Sirius comes to stay with them as extra safety.  Sirius is the only person James truly trusts outside of Lily, so he always protects Lily and Harry in his stead.

“Paddy!” Harry giggles, obviously excited.  

James smiles down at him, his son loves Sirius as much as he does, “But I have to go now, and he won’t be here for an hour.”   He’d called Sirius earlier and he had to clean up after his report to his team lead (they both began an extremely short auror training program right after school, but only Sirius could continue on once James had to go into hiding) and would be there as soon as he could.  

Lily laughs, “I think we can handle an hour on our own.”

“Of course you can, I just…” James trails off.

“Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.  I’ll see you later.”

“I love you,” James says, giving her a kiss and then kisses Harry’s head.

“I love you, too.”

***

When James sees the white form of the Padfoot Patronus, he doesn’t even need to hear it speak to know that something went horribly wrong. He doesn’t bother to find someway to alert Remus about his leaving, instead just apparating straight home.  

Once there, he hears Harry’s crying and Sirius trying to sooth him. He runs up the stairs and sees the nursery destroyed and Lily dead on the floor.  “No!”

“James, I’m so sorry…” Sirius starts as Harry reaches out, “Daddy, Daddy.”

He takes Harry from Sirius, and it’s only holding on to Harry that makes it suddenly real.  “Lily – she’s …”

“She’s gone, James,” Sirius says, hugging him with Harry between them.  “I’m so sorry, if I had been here just five minutes earlier…”

“Then I’d have lost you both…” James starts before shaking his head.  He couldn’t lose both of them – Lily is going to be hard enough once it sinks in, but losing both would’ve killed him, too.  Suddenly, he realizes that there was only one way for Lily to have been killed tonight – Peter.  “Peter, he did this.”

Sirius nods, looking furious.  “He did – he sold us out.”

“We have to go after him!” James states, angrily, scaring Harry, who starts crying harder and shifts to go back to Sirius.

“We can’t – Harry needs us,” Sirius states, as he accepts Harry back into his arms.  “He can’t lose his father, too.”

James opens his mouth to refute him when he hears the sounds of people outside.  They were going to have to deal with this.  

***

November 7th, 1981

         James groans, breathing heavy, as he wakes from a dream about what happened that night.  It’d only been a week, and he’s still in shock from everything.  His wife was gone, his son had been attacked, his friend had betrayed him, and now, he was lost in a sea of grief that even the funeral hadn’t helped him through.  

         It didn’t help that he had to somehow answer a million questions about what happened, where he’d been, if he’d known, and what he was going to do next.  Crouch had tried to blame Sirius, but James had defended him, which caused a problem with the ministry.  Apparently, they had to take Veritaserum to prove it making James furious.  After that, he’d had to fight Hagrid, that night, about how Dumbledore given him orders that Harry was to go to Petunia, and then later on, when Dumbledore attempted to take Harry from him again. They’d argued in front of the Wizengamot and with the law on their side, they’d been allowed to keep his son.

         Since then, James has avoided the magical world like the plague, especially given the celebrations that are still ongoing.  

         “Are you alright?” Sirius asks, from beside him.

His best friend had been his rock through everything: all of the questions, arranging the funeral (convincing Petunia to attend), providing emotional support and letting him and Harry crash with him for a while.  Throughout all of the planning and the funeral, Sirius had been the one he’d been holding onto.  He had struggled to speak, so Sirius had done it for him.  He’d accepted the hugs and condolences, but it didn’t feel real.  Not until he laid down to sleep that night and it wasn’t Lily that laid beside him.

Since Sirius’ flat only had two bedrooms, one already decorated for Harry, that left only Sirius’ room for the two of them.  Although Sirius offered to crash on the couch or move things around so James could share with Harry, James had insisted that they share Sirius’ room.  He just couldn’t stand the thought of sleeping alone and knew Sirius would do anything for him.  Besides, Sirius was doing enough for him and didn’t deserve to be relegated to the couch.

         “As alright as I can be,” James offers, sadly. He still thinks he’s going to see her randomly, but he’s starting to get better, well, some days.    

         “One day at a time,” Sirius offers.  “Why don’t you check on Harry and I’ll make us breakfast?”

         “Sounds good.”

         It doesn’t take long for James to get Harry ready for the day and them to be sitting together with Sirius at the breakfast table.  

         “So, I was thinking … maybe we should go out today,” Sirius offers.  

         “I don’t want to go out anywhere,” James states. Aside from the questioning at the Ministry and the Funeral, James hadn’t wanted to go out into the world that has spent the last week celebrating, calling his son a hero, and completely ignoring Lily’s death.  It was painful to hear about parties and celebrations in the last week when he’s mourning the death of his wife and the woman he planned to spend the rest of his life with.

         “I know, but we need things – you and Harry need things like clothes and such,” Sirius states.  “And – and it could be good to get out a bit.”

         James shrugs, “We don’t need anything, Harry has clothes here and I can borrow yours.”

         “What about toys and books?  And yes, you can continue borrowing my clothes, but wouldn’t it be nice to have your own?” Sirius offers.

         James shrugs, again.  

         “James, you need your own things,” Sirius states, firmly.  James distracts himself by helping Harry feed himself, which Sirius immediately sees through. “James, what’s going on?  It’s just a trip to some stores.”

         James knows that Sirius won’t let him just ignore the problem, so he looks over at him, “They’re … still celebrating.”

         Sirius looks down, “I – I know, but I would never bring you somewhere that would face that – I figure we typically wear muggle clothes around the flat, so…”

         James chuckles, relieved, “I should’ve known better than to think you’d put me in that position.”

         Sirius looks up at him, “I get it, you’ve been through a lot, but I would never put you in a position to watch people practically dancing on her grave – I couldn’t deal with it, I’d never expect you to.”

         “Thanks, Sirius.  You’ve been so great… taking care of us.”

         “You’re my best friend, and my godson/son given the blood adoption we did just after he was born, I’m here for you, as long as you’d let me be.”

         “It may be a while,” James replies, knowing that he can’t see moving past what happened anytime soon.  “It’s – it’s…”

         “A long process,” Sirius finishes for him. He gives him a smile.  “And you can and should stay here as long as you like.”

         “Thanks, Pads.”

         “You’re welcome, Prongs.”

***

December 18th, 1981

               James wakes groggily a week before Christmas.  In the weeks since Halloween, he’d had good days and bad days, some days he’d being doing just fine, and then he’d see Harry do something adorable and find himself yelling for her to come see only for her to never come.  Then he’d get all upset and the moment would be ruined.  All he could think about is how he should’ve been there, how he should’ve saved her, how he didn’t deserve to be here when she wasn’t.  He thought about Harry growing up without her, it breaks his heart.  Moments like those always led to James wanting to curl up in a ball and ignore the world.

         James was lucky that Sirius could and did step in to take care of Harry whenever he fell down the niffler hole.  On days when James couldn’t get out of bed and take care of himself, Sirius stepped in.  He took of James and Harry, something that James truly appreciated.

         Today had been one of his bad days.  He’d woken up that morning in the worst mood and couldn’t get out of bed.  Sirius, as always, assured him that he would take care of Harry and gave him a potion to help him sleep.  It appeared the potion had lasted for most of the afternoon as the clock by the bed read 3:37 PM.  

         Groaning, he gets up and pulls on some sweats and a t-shirt as he likes to sleep in just his pants and decides to find Sirius and Harry. He expected to find them in the sitting room or Harry’s room (as there wasn’t a lot of room in the flat), but he can’t see them anywhere.  

         Just as he begins freaking out, worried that something had or would happen to them, the front door opens and it’s Sirius with Harry in his arms.  “Sirius!” James yells, all worried.  He hugs them, relieved that they’re perfectly fine.  

         “James, what’s wrong?” Sirius asks as he hands Harry over to him and brings out his wand to resize some shopping bags.  “Did something happen?”

         “I woke up and you were gone,” James states as if it were obvious that he’d lose his mind just because Sirius wasn’t within the flat when he woke up.  He moves to the couch and sits with Harry in his arms, eyeing both of them to make sure they’re unharmed.

         “I left you a note,” Sirius offers.  “It’s a week from Christmas, I wanted to go shopping…”

         “What if something happened?” James asks, brushing off the holiday mention.  He didn’t want to celebrate without Lily, not this close to her death.  

         “We went shopping, James.  We weren’t even gone more than a couple of hours,” Sirius offers as he puts his shopping bags by the Christmas tree and then moves to make some tea.  “Why are you freaking out?”

         James frowns.  Why was he freaking out?  He doesn’t even know why – he just knows that when he last left his family or they weren’t in his sights, he’d lost Lily and could’ve lost Harry and Sirius.  He couldn’t lose them, too, and he can’t protect them if they just leave, and he doesn’t know where they are.  “There was less than an hour when … it happened.”

         Sirius sighs, “I’m sorry, James.  It’s much safer now… I – I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking it would be a problem as long as I left a note.”

         James doesn’t say anything as he looks at Harry, who he’s sitting with on the couch.  He knew it wasn’t rational.  Logically, a lot had happened in the last few weeks, things were safer with Voldemort gone, but he couldn’t help thinking about how he’d been gone for less than an hour when Voldemort attacked… and sure, they weren’t banking on a secret-keeper at the flat, they had other protections as the flat had once belonged to Sirius’ uncle Alfred, who had warded it as strongly as the Black townhouse in London.  

         He’s quiet as Sirius brings him some tea, “Thanks.”

         “You’re welcome, but we should talk about…”

         “I don’t want to.”

         “We need to,” Sirius states, giving him a knowing look.  “I don’t want you freaking out every time I leave the flat.”

         “I don’t want you to leave the flat without me,” James states, plainly.  That was it.  He knows that it’s irrational to expect Sirius to agree not to leave the flat without him, but he has to tell him what’s going on with him.  Sirius doesn’t look surprised but does look confused.  

         “Why not?” Sirius questions.  “I told you it’s better now.”

“Because I can’t protect you or Harry if something happens and I’m not there.”

“I can protect myself,” Sirius offers.

“So could Lily,” James retorts and he can see the look dawn on Sirius’ face.  Sirius had always been certain of himself – they both had.  Untouchable and unbreakable, but the events of Halloween had taught him that they weren’t untouchable or unbreakable and he couldn’t let something happen to Sirius and Harry like what happened to Lily.

“Oh, James.  I’m sorry –” Sirius shakes his head; he clearly hadn’t been as worried about something happening to any of them now that the war was over.  “I won’t leave again unless you’re wide awake and okay with it.”

“I – I know it’s irrational.”  James sighs relieved a bit that Sirius would at least talk to him before leaving next time.  “I just can’t – can’t get the idea that if I’d been there…”

“You would’ve been gone, too,” Sirius says.  “And I couldn’t imagine going on without you… losing Lily has been bad enough, but if Harry and I had lost you both…”

James nods, he understands.  He’d be even more of a mess if it weren’t for Sirius, and he knows Sirius would be too.  Luckily, they’re together and Harry could have a normal life with them.  “I just … I already lost Lily; I can’t lose you too.”

Sirius nods, “I understand.  As I said, you and I, we’ll talk about it before either of us leave the flat, okay?”

James nods, again.  “I know it might seem like a bit much but …”

“It’s doesn’t, James,” Sirius assures him.  “You’ve been through a lot and given everything, it makes perfect sense that you’re a little hesitant to let Harry and I go anywhere without you.  I understand, really.”

“Thank you for understanding,” James states, and then glances at the shopping bags by the tree.  “Would you be understanding about Christmas, too?  It just…”

“It’s hard to celebrate with her gone, so we don’t have to treat it as all that special.  We’ll still have some gifts to open, but we don’t have to sing carols or have a special dinner, it can just be a regular night for the three of us.  Sound good?”

James nods, “Sounds great, thanks, Si.”

         “Anything for you, Jay.”

***

January 31st, 1982

         Time hadn’t made things any better for James. Some days were good, some days were bad, but he stayed the same with his fear of letting Sirius and Harry out of his sight and of going out in public.  The only time the three of them left the flat was for supplies (as James couldn’t let Sirius go out alone, but didn’t want to go out either), which he knew wasn’t fair to Sirius who had a life before Halloween that James had effectively crashed.  As evidenced by the conversation he was spying on.

It was late, after eleven when Kingsley came calling.  “I’m sorry it’s so late.”

“No worries, I was still up, I just got Harry down to sleep.”

“This late?”

“He’s been struggling with sleep for months; it wasn’t that he hadn’t gone to bed at a normal time. It’s that he woke up from what I assume to be a nightmare because he’s always calling out of his mum, and I had to get him back to sleep.”

Suddenly, James feels guilty that he’s wallowing while his son is also hurting.  He should be more concerned about him and not leave it all up to Sirius.  He should be the one that gets up with Harry when he’s crying from nightmares.  

“I’m sorry.  It must be rough.”

“It is but I love him, and he needs me.”

“So, I suppose that answers my question then.”

Question?  James wonders, he hadn’t heard a question.

“You’ve asked once a week for the last few months and the answer hasn’t changed, Kings.”

There’s a heavy sigh.  “It’s been three months.”

“I know.  I also know that I’ve got a toddler to take care of…”

“What about James?  As his father…”

“James is going through a rough time right now.  Some days are better than others, but you can’t expect it to be as easy as just going on with life which I’ve already told you before when you first asked me to come back.”

“Maybe just a small step, maybe just part time?”

“I can’t guarantee which days would be good days.”

“What if it was a floating schedule.  Every morning you could check in via floo and…”

“No, Kingsley.  It’s not just that I worry about good or bad days, he also doesn’t like me out of his sight because he’s worried about something happening to me and I can’t make his anxiety worse by leaving for a dangerous job every day.  I need more time.”

“Okay.  I figured it didn’t hurt to ask.”

“It doesn’t.  I just hope you understand.”

“I do.”

After that James made his way back to their bedroom thinking hard about the conversation.  It was obviously about Sirius going back to work at the Aurors.  Sirius hadn’t mentioned it to him but if Kingsley was making weekly visits, he’d obviously been considering it and turning it down … due to James.  Without even discussing it.  He just continues to give up his life for James… taking care of him, letting him lay in bed while he watches over Harry… not leaving the house or going to work just because of James’ fears…

James was slowly ruining his life…

As Sirius makes it into the bedroom, he doesn’t seem to notice that James is awake as he undresses down to his pants and climbs into his side of the bed.  Deciding that he had to tell Sirius that it was okay for him to go back to work if he wanted, even if James would struggle, he could, at least, be trying more considering all Sirius has done for him.  He could let him have his life back.  Sirius deserves that – he deserves better than giving up his life for James.

He rolls over to cuddle into Sirius and mumbles, “I’m sorry.”

“What’s that, Jay?”

Lifting his head to look at Sirius, he sighs, “I’m sorry for ruining your life.”

“You’re not ruining anything, James,” Sirius assures him. “Why would you think that?”

“Because you can’t go back to work due to my issues.”

Sirius laughs, “I don’t want to go back to work.”

“But you loved that job.”

“Yeah, before I realized that it interfered with my family.  If I hadn’t worked that night, I would have been there with Lily when it happened.”

“And I would have lost you, too,” James says, freaking out a bit. Even the thought of that happening made him start to panic.

“Shhh, take a breath.  I’m here, James, and I’m not going anywhere,” Sirius assures him, calming him down as he’s done many times before in the last few months.

After James gets his breathing under control he says, “It’s not fair that my issues are…”

Sirius ruffles his hair and pulls him close.  “James, you’re my best friend, Harry is my godson/son and honestly, protecting others doesn’t mean a thing if I can’t protect my family.  The war is over, countless Death Eaters are wading through trials but all I care about is making sure that you and Harry are safe.  I’m in no hurry to go back if I ever go back.  Right now, I just want to be here in this flat with the two of you.”

“You mean that?”

“I do,” Sirius states, sincerely.  “Let’s just forget about Kingsley and the aurors and just focus on us, okay?”

“Okay.”

***

March 27th, 1982

         James sighs, happily, for the first time in a long time.  Sirius had insisted that they go out today, them and Harry, to this little kid’s indoor playground for James’ birthday.  Of course, it had things for him and Sirius, too, but it was nice to get out and about. Nice to see other people, even if some of those people included single parents hitting on both of them – Sirius more than James due James’ wedding ring – but nonetheless, they’d both gotten plenty of attention.    

         It felt great.  Especially given that it’s his birthday.

         “Someone’s happy,” Sirius says, looking down at him, his fingers in James’ hair.  James has his head in Sirius’ lap while on the couch, there’s some comedy on the telly and Harry’s already asleep in his crib.

         “I am happy, Si,” James replies, smiling.  “Today was good… great, even.”

         “I’m glad,” Sirius smiles.  “I wasn’t sure you’d go for it, but I wanted to try. You deserved to have a good birthday.”

         “Well, thanks, but it reminds me that your birthday…”

         “Was the day after the funeral,” Sirius finishes. “I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate any more than you were.”

         James nods, absently.  “Yeah, I – I know and it’s like almost five months late, but we should do something.  Maybe … go out for the night or something?”

         “Out where?  It’d have to be somewhere child-friendly, as you’re pretty set against Harry being with anyone other than us and he can’t look after himself.”

         James shrugs, “I – I want to suggest a babysitter, give you a break because even when I’m up for taking care of him, you’re still always helping, but…”

         “You’re not ready for that,” Sirius finishes, reading his mind.  Sirius knows James’ issues haven’t gone away, even if he’s having slightly more good days than bad days.  He still can’t spend much time away from either Sirius or Harry.  “I know, and it’s fine.  I love Harry, and I like taking care of him… we’ll figure out another family outing soon and ‘celebrate’ my birthday many months later.”

         James smiles, “You sure?”

         “Of course.”

         There’s a lull in conversation as James enjoys Sirius’ hands in his hair.  He thinks about all of those women hitting on Sirius (which he found oddly irritating as he didn’t like the idea of someone else having Sirius’ attention) and remembering his promise to himself that he’d not get in the way of Sirius’ life (as much as he already is on a daily basis) offers, “You know, if – if you wanted to – to date instead, I could … handle a night without you.”

         Sirius laughs, “James, you can barely handle an hour without me, but even if you could, I’m not interested in anyone.  Why would you suggest that?”

         “All those beautiful women…”

         “Are women,” Sirius emphasizes.  “You know I’m bent.”

         James laughs, “Yeah, well, I thought you just preferred men but dated both?”

         Sirius laughs, too.  “I suppose if I really connected with a woman, I’d consider it, but I more than prefer men.  Besides, I haven’t been attracted to anyone lately, especially women.”

         “Hmm-mm, and if you were?” James prods.  Wondering if one day he and Harry’ll have to share Sirius’ attentions.

         “If I were, what?”

         “Attracted to someone.  Would you go on a date with them?” James questions.

         Sirius is quiet for a minute or two before he answers, “Honestly, at this point in time, I’d probably do nothing.”

         James frowns, “Because of me?”

         Sirius sighs.  “It’s not exactly because of you, but James, you just admitted that you can’t be without me for very long and we can never know if your bad days will crop up if I made a date, so… It’s better I wait.  Besides, I don’t exactly have many blokes hitting on me and chatting me up.”

         “Don’t know why, you’re bloody gorgeous,” James mutters, almost to himself.  Sirius should have many blokes wanting him, it’s strange that he doesn’t, but it doesn’t make him feel a bit better that he doesn’t because he gets Sirius’ attention to himself.

         Sirius laughs, “Well, thank you, I appreciate the compliment, but it doesn’t change things.  There aren’t any men chatting me up.”

         On one hand, James felt guilty that Sirius couldn’t live his own life due to James’ issues, which have not gotten much better in the last couple of months despite wanting to try, but on the other hand, the thought of Sirius with someone else felt like a knife to the heart and he couldn’t stand it.  He wants Sirius to be happy, but he also wants him to himself.

         “But if you did…” James starts.

         Sirius laughs, “James, if I did meet someone, and I brought them over, don’t you think the date would end as soon as they realized we share a bed?”

         James looks up at him confused.  “I – I hadn’t… I could – we could… but I don’t…”  He didn’t want to lose Sirius in his bed. He enjoys sleeping with him, cuddling with him, waking up to him every day, and can’t stand the thought of not having that anymore.  Yet, James should offer the alternative in case Sirius would rather sleep alone.

         “Relax, James,” Sirius says, running his hands through his hair more insistently.  “I am more than happy to continue sleeping beside you, it’s nice and I enjoy it.  I don’t want to make any changes to our living arrangements, but I have considered that these things would turn off any bloke that could be interested.  So, I’d rather not be out there looking for anyone.  Let’s just wait and cross that bridge when we get to it.  Sound good?”

         James relaxes.  It did sound good, too good to pass up.  He likes the idea of life staying exactly as is.  “Yeah, sounds good, Si.”

         “Good, now, it’s late, why don’t we go to bed?”

         “Sounds good.”

***

July 31st, 1982

         Harry’s second birthday.  His first birthday with Sirius and without Lily.  It hurt James to remember that Harry would never have another birthday with his mother.  On the other hand, Sirius had stepped in as a second father (or Paddy as Harry likes to call him) and was doing a fantastic job.  Lily would be proud of them continuing on for Harry together.

After James’ birthday, Sirius had decided that they would do whatever they could to get outside and be around people.  Although James was still very much avoiding the wizarding world (everything magical was bought via owl order), he’d been more open to going to muggle places.  Those places included a nearby park, which had a “mummy and me” class three days a week for stay-at-home mothers.  Using his charm, Sirius had convinced them to let James and him join with Harry.  Which is how Harry’s birthday (held at the park) was filled with kids for Harry to play with.

Sirius is busy trying to make everything run smoothly and yet, somehow looking good while chasing after rambunctious two-year-olds, while James looks on, smiling.  As hard as it is to be without Lily on this special day, he can’t help thinking he’s so lucky to still have Sirius.  What would he have done without him?

“You’re so lucky to have such a great husband,” a blonde-haired woman he thinks is named Jackie says from beside him.  “I can’t get my husband to watch our son let alone plan something like this and be chasing two-year-olds around all day.”

Stunned, James opens his mouth to tell her that Sirius isn’t his husband, when another blonde woman he thinks is named Janet leans over and whispers something in her ear.  

Blushing, she says, “I’m so sorry, I just assumed because you live together and Sirius talks about you and Harry as if you’re a family and … I’m so embarrassed.”

James shakes his head and tries to put her at ease.  “It’s okay.  Sirius and I have always been close, people used to joke that they had a bet on when we’d get together until my wife and I started dating…”  

In school, everyone honestly believe he and Sirius had been dating for most of their Hogwarts years, laughing off James’ attempts to flirt with Lily because of it, and if he’s honest, had Sirius not laughed it off as ridiculous, they might’ve gotten together instead of him and Lily.  Then again, he wouldn’t have his wonderful son if things had gone differently.  

She nods, “You two are so in sync that it just fit, but I’m sorry for assuming.”  She pauses, “As for your wife, I’m sorry for your loss and I’m glad you’re lucky enough to have someone like Sirius in your life.  I can’t imagine any of my friends, not even a best friend, or even my sister, doing what he’s done for you.  You’re lucky.”

Lucky.  The thought of the conversation, which had continued and changed to discuss other less uncomfortable matters, had carried him throughout the rest of the party.  All he could think about was how lucky he was to have Sirius and what would he do without him… what would he do if Sirius found someone else?

“Are you okay?” Sirius asks as they get ready for bed. “I know today must’ve been hard…”

James shakes his head.  “Actually, it was… okay.  Good, even. I mean, I wish she was here but at least we have you… and actually, one of the other mothers… Jackie, she um, reminded me that I… that we are so lucky to have you and I don’t know if I’ve ever thanked you…”

“Jay, you don’t have to thank me.  I love you, I love Harry, I can still remember that day two years ago when I took Lily to the hospital and helped deliver that wonderful boy in there.  I can still remember the moment you asked me to be his godfather.  I can still remember the moment you asked me to blood adopt him just in case.” He pauses long enough to give James a quick hug.  “I didn’t want anything to happen to either of you but I always knew something could happen.  We knew there was a traitor, we knew Voldemort was after Harry, and I knew that if things didn’t go the way I wanted that I had to do whatever I could for Harry and you or Lily, if either of you survived.  And I will continue doing everything I can for all of us.”

It warmed James’ heart that Sirius loved them so much that he would always do everything he could for them.  “I don’t know how I got so lucky,” James replies, hugging him tightly.

“You?” Sirius laughs.  “I’m the one that’s lucky.  I’m lucky I met you when I was eleven and let you change my whole world.  I’m lucky you gave me a chance when everyone else was wary of me due to my last name.  I’m lucky that you chose me to be your best friend.  And I’ve been bound and determined to be the best friend anyone could ask for ever since.”

“Well, you are and I guess… that makes us both lucky.  All of us, really.”  James grins.  “Sorry I’m always getting all emotional on you.”

Sirius laughs, “Do you remember in third year when Regulus got sorted and caused this big scene about how we weren’t brothers anymore and I was a disgrace?”

James grimaces, how could he forget?  Sirius spent the next week getting upset anytime they were alone (because he didn’t trust anyone else to know how broken he was) and James had to console him.  He told him about how he didn’t care what others said, Regulus was lucky to have Sirius and if he didn’t want him then it was his loss and James’ gain.  From then on Sirius was his and no one would ever hurt him, again.

“How could I forget?  I’m still mad you wouldn’t let us prank him after that.”

Sirius grins.  “Well, I got more than a little emotional on you with anything regarding my biological family, and you never got upset with me about it.  So you’re more than welcome to get as emotional as you like.”

James laughs, “That’s good, considering.”

“It is and it makes us both insanely lucky.”

James smiles, “Yeah, yeah we’re lucky to have each other.”

“Now and forever,” Sirius says as they both crawl into bed.

“Forever,” James mumbles as he cuddles into Sirius.  “I like the sound of that.”

“Me too.”

***

October 31st, 1982

James was furious as he storms into the house with an equally upset Sirius holding Harry.  They’d just been by Lily’s grave and discovered a memorial for her with James and Harry that focused on Harry’s defeat of the dark lord and being the Boy-Who-Lived and memorialized the house for tours.  How had he not known the display and spectacle they were making of Lily’s death?  

And then to make matters worse, they were throwing a ball for Halloween to celebrate the defeat of Voldemort.  It had been announced in the paper, which neither of them bothered looking at but had seen by the memorial along with far too many strangers added their own ‘good luck Harry’ notes to it.  

“I can’t believe this,” James spits angrily.  “You didn’t know about this, right?”

“Of course not,” Sirius assures him as he places Harry in the playpen.  “I haven’t been talking to anyone in the wizarding world for some time now.  I didn’t think they would make such a spectacle. I assumed it had died down after the parties.”

“Well, it didn’t!  How could they be so careless, disrespectful, and disgusting to do that?!”

“I don’t know but we have been sort of hiding in the muggle world, maybe people didn’t consider how callous it is.”

“And that makes it okay?!” James demands.

“No, of course not but we didn’t know so we had no way to make sure that no one did anything like that.”

“So what do we do about it?”

Sirius frowns. “I’m not sure.  The ministry, maybe?  Or a lawyer? I think my cousin Andy’s a lawyer, I could try there.”

“Contacting a lawyer and starting anything with the Ministry is going to take forever,” James scoffs, but at least it was something.

Sirius offers him a hug, which makes him feel a lot better.  “It’s the best I can do for now, but I promise. I will figure something out.”

“You always do,” James sighs.  “I’m sorry I yelled.”

“I can take it.” Sirius assures him.  “You’re upset.  We both are.”

James reluctantly nods.  “It’s just not fair.”  

“I know,” Sirius agrees.  “But we can still do something in her honor here.”

“Something in her honor?” James questions.  He supposed that would be okay.

“Yeah, you know we could make her favorite Halloween snack and watch her favorite movie.  Maybe plan a prank on whoever’s idea it was to build that magical statue and do the tours. She used to secretly and not so secretly love our pranks.  She’d cheer wherever she is to see us up to no good.”

James chuckles, “Yeah, she would.”

Sirius grins, “Then let’s do it.”

***

November 3rd, 1982

James smiles as he watches his best friend chasing Harry around as Padfoot in the yard of his cousin Andy’s house.  He’d been determined to make sure that Sirius had a good birthday this year to make up for last year and the only thing Sirius wanted was to be reunited with his cousin and spend the day having fun at some kiddie thing.  They’d come back to the house after dinner for games and Sirius favorite game was playing as Padfoot.

“It looks like he’s enjoying himself,” Andy offers from beside him.

“Yeah, he does,” James grins.

“You should let him come out to play more,” Andy adds half teasing and half serious.

“Let him?” James questions, uncertainly.  It’s not like Sirius is his pet that he keeps under lock and key. “He’s not actually a dog, Andy.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Andy laughs.  “But I meant that he doesn’t go out without you and because you don’t like going anywhere…”

James frowns.  Although he had been doing a lot better there was no denying that he still clung to Sirius like a child, not wanting to be without him, ever, and hadn’t considered that Sirius was getting offers to go places and turning them down for James.  “I hadn’t realized…”

Andy shrugs, “I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m just saying that maybe it couldn’t hurt to loosen the leash a little.”

“I wasn’t just trying to keep him on a leash,” James assures her.  He doesn’t want Sirius to feel like he’s on some sort of tether, only allowed to do things if James gives permission.  It’s wrong and unfair to Sirius, who means the world to him.  “It’s just… I – I don’t want to – want to lose him.”

“I don’t think you’re in danger of losing him if he goes out every once in a while or can spend time with other people.”

“I don’t tell him that he can’t…” James trails off.  Since James wanted to have Sirius around all the time, but not spend time with other wizards, it was sort of a mild message to him that he can’t spend time with others.  Which isn’t fair, even if James really did prefer that Sirius spend more time with him and Harry than anyone else.  Maybe he should be doing more than just going out with their muggle friends and the ‘mummy and me’ class every so often.  Maybe he could make the effort to ask Sirius what he wants to do and encourage him to do what he wants to do.

Before she can respond or continue the conversation, almost as if he knows they’re talking about him, Sirius comes bounding over and pulls on James’ sleeve, clearly meant to drag him into the yard to play. Relieved to be pulled away from Andy, he plays fetch with Sirius as Tonks (Andy’s daughter that hates her name) and Harry try to beat him to the ball.  Sometimes he lets them and sometimes he beats them just because he can.

They end up playing for another hour or so before Harry starts yawning and being cranky, which results in Sirius transforming and deciding that it was time to go home.  Once home, James offers to take care of Harry since Sirius shouldn’t have to given that it’s his birthday, but Sirius laughs.  

“I like taking care of Harry, but if you insist, I’ll transform, and he can cuddle into me until he falls asleep while you read the story.”

James grins as Sirius does just that in the sitting room, leaving James to read Harry’s story.  Harry’s so tired from their very eventful day that he falls asleep within minutes.  Smiling James takes a picture of the two of them before picking Harry up and moving him to his crib, which he’s starting to get a little big for.

“So, what did Andy say to you?” Sirius asks the moment that James returns to the sitting room.

“Nothing,” James lies.  It wasn’t like she was wrong, so there’s no reason that he should mention it to Sirius.

“Jay, I know you better than that.”

James sighs, “It was … nothing, really.  It’s not like we got very far, you interrupted.”

“Then where was it going if I hadn’t interrupted?”

“It was – she pointed out that because of me… you don’t go out with any friends or family, that I’m the reason that you aren’t …very happy.”

Sirius scoffs, “And you think she’s somehow right?”

“Well, you haven’t been this happy in a while…” James starts, and he had asked to see her for his birthday out of the possibilities of outings.

“James, she knows very little about me.  I hadn’t seen her since she left Hogwarts – well, at least not often enough for her to know anything about my happiness.”

James shrugs, “Even if she’s misguided about your happiness, it is kind of true.”

         Sirius shakes his head, “Let me make myself clear: I am happy.  I am happy here with you and our son.  I don’t need or want to be a part of the wizarding world right now, and yes, it’s been a rough year, but honestly?  It’s been rough because we’ve both been hurting and Harry spent most of the last year having nightmares that I couldn’t seem to soothe for a long time.  He’s finally getting better as are you and that contributes to my happiness.”

         Despite Sirius’ words of assurance, James is still a bit uncertain.  “So I’m not stopping you from…”

         Sirius rolls his eyes, “I suppose that it’s a fair argument because you’ve been a little clingy, but honestly, I haven’t wanted to go anywhere without you and Harry.”  He pauses, “You’re not the only one struggling with being a little clingy.”

         “You’ve never acted clingy,” James states, confused.

         “You haven’t noticed because you voiced your clinginess first.  The only time I felt somewhat safe about it has been when you were asleep, safe in this flat, and I had Harry with me,” Sirius explains.

         “Oh.”  James is honestly relieved.  “You – you really mean that?”

         “I do,” Sirius states.  “You two are the most important people in my life and as much as I appreciate Andy, the truth is, we barely know each other.  She’s a decade older than me and it’s not like she reached out to me about my Gryffindor-ness or running away.  Sure, we’ve talked a handful of times, but honestly, she doesn’t know enough to make any sort of statement about my happiness. She’s only my favorite cousin because the others suck.”

         James nods, smiling, “That’s good to know, but still, I suppose I should loosen the leash a little and if you want –”

         “Woah, wait, did you just say ‘loosen the leash’?” Sirius demands, clearly upset.  “You don’t have me on a leash like your pet.  Did she say that?”

         James frowns, worried that Sirius is upset with him. “Well, I – yeah, but I think it’s just a metaphor…”

         “I don’t care.  I am not a pet, and you don’t have me ‘on a leash’ in any sense of the word.”  

         Sirius is angry as he gets up and paces.  James could tell how angry he is, but he can’t figure out why.  He’d never reacted that way when James used to tease him about collaring Padfoot in school. “I don’t think she meant anything by it.”

         “But she did.” Sirius runs a hand through his hair and sits beside him, “It’s what we used to call living by the family rules. ‘Being on a leash’.”  He shakes his head, “To equate me as being on a leash just because I’m choosing you and Harry and our life in the muggle world and I don’t want to go back to being an auror or being a bachelor is not okay.”

         James frowns, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

         “It’s not you, it’s her.  Sometimes, I think she forgets that other people make other choices she might not approve of and it’s not her business.”

         “Still, it’s your birthday and…”

         Sirius sighs, smiling a bit, “It’s been my best birthday in years, ever since your parents gifted me with a family watch on my seventeenth birthday.  Don’t worry, I’m fine.”

         “Are you sure?” James asks, worriedly.

         “Yeah, it just means that we won’t be hanging out with her for a while, and I’ll contact someone else about the situation with the gravesite.”

         James nods, “If you’re sure.”  Sirius nods.  “Oh, well, in that case, I suppose we should go to bed because I’m a bit tired.”

         “Yeah, I suppose we should.”

         “Then bed it is.”

***

December 31st, 1982

         They were at a New Year’s Eve party.  A party that some of the parents of Harry’s little class were throwing, which included the kids being babysat all night by one of the older kids.  Sirius had rigged a bracelet for Harry to wear so that the two of them could feel comfortable enough to let loose and have fun for a while without worrying about Harry being away from them.  

         In light of Andy’s comments nearly two months previously, James had begun insisting that they go out sometimes and that Sirius had some time off even if he didn’t want it.  It was difficult to allow that to happen, but James had more good days than bad days in the last two months and he loved Sirius enough to know that he was being rather selfish if he doesn’t try and put Sirius’ potential needs first every once in a while.  Especially because he was doing so much better now.

         Despite Sirius’ recently going out on his own, they’re both stag for the night, which might be good considering the amount of gentlemen that are hitting on Sirius tonight.  He could admit to himself that he gets why men would be interested in the fine man that Sirius is.  Completely gorgeous, great personality, and such a wonderful father to Harry.  He’s the total package.  

         James’ only problem is that if someone else realizes that Sirius is a great catch than he’d lose Sirius’ attention and eventually wouldn’t be number one (or two as Harry’s number one in both their lives) anymore.  He wants to be Sirius’ everything.  He wants to be Sirius’ number one always.  He doesn’t like the thought of potentially losing Sirius or the thought of someone else in Sirius’ bed with him.  That was James’ spot, and he never intends to give it up.  

         “He’s something special, huh?” Jackie asks, as she moves beside James, who’s watching Sirius dance with one of the men that had been flirting with him.

         “He is,” James grins.

         “Gorgeous, too.”

         “He’s always been ridiculously gorgeous,” James isn’t afraid to admit.  

         “Hmm-mm, always?” Jackie prompts.

         “Yeah, I remember in school how’d he look good doing anything, even just rolling out of bed.  And he’s only gotten better looking with age,” James states. “There’s nothing like waking up to that face every morning.”

         Jackie smiles, “You two share a bed, right?”

         James nods, “There’s only two rooms in the flat, one’s for Harry so…”

         “And you didn’t consider twin beds or a cot or something?”

         James shrugs, not getting what she’s aiming at. “I mean, I like… cuddling and Sirius is great at it and – and you know, it’s normal…”

         She outright laughs, “No, it’s not.”

         James gives her a look, “Of course it is.”

         “Only if you’re interested in the other person and just afraid to say so.”

         James nearly drops his cup, “I’m a widow…”

         “And it’s been over a year, and you’re doing better… surely, you’ve begun to notice other people, particularly the man who’s basically acting like a spouse already.”

         It’s true, James knows.  Sirius basically acts like Lily in regards to their home, their bed, their child, and yet, there’s one thing missing: the romance.  Sure, he knows that he doesn’t want to lose Sirius, and yeah, he does think Sirius is attractive to him, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants Sirius as a spouse.

         “He is … everything I ever wanted,” James admits. Despite knowing that he didn’t want Sirius to be with anyone else or for their current home life to change, he hadn’t quite realized that it’s because he’s somehow started to see Sirius as his spouse.  He’s realized that he wants to know what it’d be like if he kissed Sirius, if he could rake his eyes over Sirius’ body, and follow through with his hands and lips… everything.  He wants to be with Sirius in more than a friend way, but he hasn’t quite admitted that out loud since he doesn’t believe Sirius is interested in him.

         “Then why don’t you do something about it?” Jackie asks.

         James shrugs, “He doesn’t – doesn’t think of me like that.”

         “Really?  You think so?”

         “You don’t?” James questions, raising his eyebrows at her.

         “Well, ever since we met, every time I’ve seen you together, he’s always only has eyes for you.”  She glances over at the dance floor, and says, “Like right now.”

         He looks over at the dancing couples, too, and sure enough there’s Sirius looking over at him.  Smiling a little uncertainly, but smiling nonetheless.  “I don’t know, if he loved me like that wouldn’t he say something by now?”

         She shrugs, “Maybe he’s trying to respect your wife.  Some widows need some time, and he wouldn’t want to push and ruin things, yeah?”

         “It’s possible,” James offers.  

         “At least consider it, it’d be nice to see you two together and happy as you could be.”

         “I’ll think about it.”

***

March 27th, 1983

         Ever since his talk with Jackie, James had literally thought of nothing other than his interest in Sirius.  All he wanted was to take an opportunity – any opportunity – to kiss him, but he kept chickening out.  He’d also been badly flirting with him over the last few months.  

The pair of them had always been easily affectionate ever since they met: ruffling each other’s hair, constantly giving each other hugs, practically draped over one another when hanging out, an arm always slug around the other, cheek kisses that were ‘always platonic’, sharing beds whenever they felt like it, and light touches whenever they could.  Everyone always commented on it, especially once he’d gotten together with Lily.  Most people thought that she should’ve put a stop to it.  (Although if she had, James would’ve broken up with her).  Luckily, she understood.  They were a package deal and just normally affectionate.

The problem that James has been facing now and in the last few months is that Sirius doesn’t find any of those things strange or flirtatious when coming from James.  Every day, he’d wake up and kiss his cheek, he’d go to get Harry while Sirius cooked and do it again with a slight hug as Sirius says good morning to Harry, and Sirius didn’t find any of it different.  He just kept going as if nothing had changed, other than noting that James hadn’t had any bad days in months.

In fact, James had been doing so well that one of the other mums had asked if now that he was on his feet he was going to move to a cottage with a yard and more space.  The thought of leaving Sirius had nearly caused a panic attack, but then Jackie had pointed out that this was his opportunity to send a message to Sirius that he may want him as more than a roommate, that if they had more room and he still wanted to share a bed with him would clearly send an I fancy you message.

Thus, he decided to bring it up this morning after Sirius puts breakfast on the table and wishes him a happy birthday.

“So, I was thinking… we should move.”

“Move?” Sirius questions, clearly shocked.  “Why?”

“Well, things have been going well lately and Harry’s getting bigger… it would be nice for him to have a yard to play in and more space for him to have his friends over.”

Sirius appears to recover from the suddenness of his statement, and sighs.  “Right, of course.  When do you want to do this?”

“Well, we didn’t have many plans today other than a special dinner you had planned… maybe we could start looking around today… I mean it’s a process, it takes time.”

“Time.  Of course,” Sirius breathes, looking like he’s panicking a bit.  Why would Sirius panic about this?  “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“It’s just moving to a house,” James shrugs.  It’s not like much would change.  In fact, he’s certain that nothing would change aside from more space and hopefully more than just sleeping in the bed.  Sex with Sirius had invaded his mind more than once in the last few months… he’s a little embarrassed to admit that he definitely wanked to fantasies of Sirius, and it’d be nice if those fantasies became a reality.

“Yeah, but…” Sirius stops obviously uncertain something because he looks like something’s not quite right with him.

Concerned, James asks, “Are you okay?”

“Oh, of course.”  He grins at James, trying to look happy, but the smile doesn’t quite meet his eyes.  “Just surprised that’s all but I’m glad you’re looking forward to the future.”

“Good,” James smiles.  “Because I truly am looking forward to the future for the first time in a while and I’m happy… all thanks to you.”  He winks because he’s thinking of his attraction to Sirius as part of the reason, the possibility of being with him has given him the chance of a happy future with the three of them – no worries about someone stealing him away.

Sirius barks out a laugh, “Yeah, well, I think you should credit yourself more than me.  After all, I just did what any best mate would do.”

James smiles.  “You did more than just any best mate, you’re the best best mate around.”

Sirius just laughs but at least he knows James appreciates him.

***

June 27th, 1983

Months of house hunting with Sirius, who kept vetoing every one of James’ favorite houses with one reason or another, had given him a headache.  It was like Sirius just didn’t want to move.  

Just as the realtor decides to leave them alone to discuss the potential house, which is utterly perfect in his eyes, Sirius opens his mouth… and James cuts him off.

“You are not going to say anything negative about this house.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything negative… you could just do better.”

“Better?” James questions.  “This, like all of the other houses, is almost perfect.”

“Pfft, perfect,” Sirius scoffs, clearly unhappy.  “Perfect white picket fence life.”

“What’s wrong with living in a neighborhood with friends for Harry and actually befriending our neighbors?  I mean, what’s wrong with normal?  Is that not what you wanted when you signed us up for mummy and me?”

“Normal is great,” Sirius says, thinly.  “I’m sure you’ll be very happy with your normal life, normal house and normal kid… you might even …” he stops.  Obviously whatever he planned to finish with had likely been the real issue Sirius is having.

James frowns, “What’s wrong with you?  You’ve been on a tear throughout this entire process.”

Sirius shrugs, “Maybe I just feel like I don’t need to be here shopping for your house, so I’m just wasting time because you won’t look without me.”

“My house?” James blinks.  Did Sirius assume he was moving out on him?

“Uh, yeah, it would be your house…”

Apparently.  “Sirius, when I said I wanted to move, I assumed that we as in you, me and Harry were moving.  Not just me and Harry.”

Sirius gives him a stunned look.  “You… what… you said you wanted to move out.”

“No, I said I wanted to move to a bigger place for Harry to play.”  James pauses, “I even said we …”

“Yeah, I thought ‘we’ was you and Harry…”

James gives him a hug which is awkward with Harry in his arms. “You’re my best mate, you’ve been helping to raise our son, I can’t – I won’t – raise Harry without you.”

Sirius smiles for the first time that day.  “I’m such a dunce.”  He looks around.  “This place really is great.  I just didn’t want to lose you…”

James smiles, “Well, you won’t lose me.  I figured by now you’d realize you’re stuck with me.”

“Not you,” Sirius teases.  “Just kidding.”

“So, are you comfortable with this being our new home?”

Sirius smiles, “I think we’ll love it here.”

“Good.”

***

July 15th, 1983

Moving day.  James is thrilled to be moving into their new house and hopefully being able to make Sirius realize his feelings are not purely platonic.  Since it takes multiple trips even with magic, they agreed to have Sirius take and organize the things in the house, while James packs and watches Harry in the play in the play pen with his stag and dog stuffed toys.  

It took the better part of the day, but once things were all set, James finally gets the call from Sirius on the mirror to come on home. Gleefully, James shrinks the last few boxes, gets Harry, and apparates home.  

“Welcome home!” Sirius grins.

“Paddy!” Harry yells, excitedly having not seen Sirius most of the day and wishing to be with him.  James sets him down and the nearly three-year-old starts running for Sirius.

Sirius laughs, as he squats down and gets a giant hug, “You want to see your new room?”

“Yeah!”

“Then let’s go,” Sirius offers.  Then he looks up at James, “Go ahead, look around, feel free to re-organize.”

“Will do.”

With that, Sirius helps Harry as he walks up the stairs as he still struggles a bit with them, as James looks around.  The first floor has the kitchen, sitting room, dining room, drawing room and a playroom.  Everything is set up so well that it clearly reflects the two of them and their son so well, better than even the house James had shared with Lily as when they were decorating, he had always caved more to her ideas.  

He heads up the stairs to the second floor which has four bedrooms.  At the top of the stairs, he sees three of the rooms have beds in them, which surprises him.  He figured they would possibly turn the two other rooms into something else for the time being as he didn’t think they intended to have any overnight guests.  Peaking into the room that was not the master or Harry’s room to see what’s in there.

Inside he finds a few things on the walls, clothes in the wardrobe, and other items that all screams Sirius.  Why were Sirius’ things in this room and not the master?

“Hey, I thought I saw you come in here.  What are you doing in my room?” Sirius questions from the doorway.

James turns to look at him, completely confused as to why Sirius would give himself a different room.  “I – I thought we’d … share the Master bedroom, why is your stuff in here?”

Sirius frowns, “Uh, James, the flat didn’t have enough space for separate rooms, but you know… this one does and so I just assumed…”

“But I want to share the Master… with you,” James states, plainly.  He definitely didn’t want to go back to sleep alone.  He wants to be with Sirius and if Sirius moved into his own room, it would be a lot harder to show him that.  “I don’t want you to move into the room next door…”

Sirius sighs, “James, I – I have enjoyed share my room with you, but … we aren’t married, and we aren’t together and … we’re just friends and it’s… it’s weird…”

James frowns, clearly the only way to get Sirius back to a share a room with him was to tell him that he wanted to be more than friends and coparents with Sirius.  This was his perfect opportunity to confess… “What if we were?”

“Were what?” Sirius asks, clearly confused.

“Were … more than friends,” James offers.

Sirius blinks clearly stunned and confused. “What?  Are you… what?”

James crosses the room to be close to Sirius, “I’ve been flirting with you for … months because I realized that I – I fancy you and – and we’re such a good team together – nothing would change … except some fun stuff.”

“You fancy me,” Sirius questions, looking completely stunned. “You fancy me?  For months?”

James nods, smiling slightly.  “I mean … there’s a part of me that wonders if I – I had considered it in school… or if I’d clearer about my slightly interest then… but I was more gone on Lily and never considered telling you and –”

He’s cutoff by Sirius kissing him.  He quickly wraps his arms around Sirius, pulling him close and deepening the kiss.  It’s as amazing as he’d been imagining it, and he can’t believe he’s finally kissing him.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t last because he hears, “Daddy! Paddy!” and feels a little hand pulling on his jeans.

They pull back and look down at their son.  “Hey buddy, what have you got there?” James asks, as Harry apparently has some toy in his little hands.  

“It’s a dragon!” Harry yells, happily.  

James looks at Sirius, who shrugs, “The kid deserves to start his dragon collection, I figured with the extra space, we could use one of the rooms to hide magical things from our muggle friends.”

James grins, “Yeah, I think we could.  Especially since this room…”

“… will now be empty, too,” Sirius finishes for him, grinning. “But we should talk later.”

“We will.”

***

Of course later ended up being much later than anticipated because Harry had been too giddy about the new house to get to sleep.  Sirius had anticipated the potential excitement and used Padfoot to chase him around and tease him to get him to spend his extra energy, and then later on, to help get him to sleep by letting Harry curl into him as James read him a story.  

Finally, after some time, they had been able to get Harry all tucked in before retreating to their bedroom.  James found himself being a little nervous as they are finally alone and can discuss the new and exciting situation of being together when Sirius immediately snogs him the minute the door closes.

Not complaining, James immediately wraps his arms around Sirius’ neck, his hands in his hair while Sirius does the same with James’ waist bringing them flush against each other and both clearly turned on given that he can feel the hardness in his pants and Sirius’ being this close to him.

He certainly doesn’t want this end as it’s something he’d been thinking about all day, but eventually they both need air.  Sirius leans his forehead against James’, “Sorry, I just – I’ve been thinking about that all day – but I know we should talk first.”

“Talk?” James asks.  “I don’t want to talk.”  His eyes filter between Sirius’ eyes and lips, “I’d much rather keep doing what we were doing.”

Sirius laughs, “Me too, but this – this is going to affect how things have been and we should talk about it.  I don’t want to risk what we have already for the potential relationship when we can talk it out, first, and make it work.”

James sighs, but admits that yes, they should discuss things.  “In that case, you should probably not be within kissing distance if you want me to focus on talking.”

Sirius laughs and lets go of James causing James to do the same. He then moves over to the bed. “James, I – I told you the truth earlier, I’ve been fancying you for a very long time and – and I need to know are you just interested in me because of my raising Harry with you and it makes it easy – I mean, most of our friends assume we’re married and – and…”

“No, Sirius.  This is not why I started fancying you.  I would never use you or be interested in you just because you’re convenient, you’re so much more than that.”  Sirius sighs, relieved, as James moves to sit beside him.  “Can I tell you a secret?”

“You can tell me anything.”

“There was a part of me that fancied you in school.  It was a relatively small part because I convinced myself that you’d never look at me like that and I didn’t want to ruin what we already had, but I did.  I also happened to fancy Lily, a lot.  So, when it came down to a choice, I went with the one that made me happiest – I could have both of you.  I could have you as my best mate and Lily as my wife and life was perfect.”

Sirius laughs, “That’s exactly why I never told you.  I was so afraid of losing you – so I just shoved it away.”

James nods, understanding.  “And I think – at first, losing her – it sucked because I did – I do still love her, a part of me always will, but there’s another part of me that realized that I could love both of you.  We have this chance to be together and I mean – I don’t want you to think of yourself as less because you’ve always sort of been number one for me and –”

Sirius kisses him cutting him off.  “I wouldn’t think of myself that way.  Lily always told me how important I was, she knew we were a package deal.  Hell, I think she seriously considered inviting me into your marital bed more than once.”

James is surprised, “You think?  Because that might’ve been…”

“The best situation for all of us?  I get to have you, Lily gets to have you and you get twice the loving,” Sirius laughs.  “I mean, she loved me, and I loved her, but I think it was platonic support for your craziness since I’m not all that into birds.”

“Hey!” James yells, pretending to be offended.  “But yeah, basically.  And I know she’s gone, so I think that we can definitely enjoy life together now, but without her.”

“I agree,” Sirius smiles.  “I just wanted to be sure…”

“Well, did I help you then?  Are we … together now?” James asks, bouncing up and down like a little kid on Christmas.  

Sirius is grinning at him as he nods, “Yes.  I’d like to be.”

“Good,” James answers before he snogs Sirius, moving into his lap and knocking him back on his back with him on top of Sirius. Sirius responds in kind for some time before James decides to pull back to pull his shirt off, which causes Sirius to stop him.  “What? Don’t you… want me?”

“Yes, I do.  You can likely feel how much I want you,” Sirius groans.  “It’s just – we should do this right, take it slow and actually go on a date or two before you know – sleeping together.”

“Si, we sleep together every night,” James states, confused.

“Smart-arse,” Sirius states.  “I – I just… I don’t want to rush into sex when we just kissed for the first time – if we rush, we could ruin in this – we have all the time in the world to get there… I just…”

“I never thought I’d hear you talk a bloke out of sex,” James laughs.  “But I don’t want to screw this up either, so I’ll take you out, and treat you the way you should be treated.”

Sirius grins, “Don’t worry, I’m easy to please.”

“I know,” James grins.  “But I hope you know, I still intend to be in just my pants when we sleep, so – you know, you might have a hard time keeping your hands to yourself.”

“Cute,” Sirius laughs.  “Now, come on, it’s been a tiring day.  We should get some sleep before our nearly three-year-old wakes up early as always.”

“Fair.”

#Sirius Black #James Potter #Harry James Potter #prongsfoot #getting together #past jily

[razputin-vodello-au-archive]

Hey Raz, forgive me if this isn’t what you’re looking for but I might be able to offer some advice from similar experience. I found out some pretty wild stuff about my family recently too, and coping has been a whole trip and a half, but I think the thing that’s helped me the most is spending lots of time with the people close to me who are reeling just as much as I am. None of us are 100% sure what to do with everything that’s going on, but navigating through it together has brought us closer than we’ve ever been before. It’s also made it easier for me to manage the parts of the situation that primarily affect me. I’m sure all your family at the Motherlobe are feeling pretty stunned and uneasy in their own ways, so if you think it would help to talk through your thoughts about this situation as it develops, there are plenty of people around you who will be more than happy to listen and offer their insights.

Also, I cannot stress enough that your conflicting emotions are 100% valid. There is nothing wrong with feeling angry or scared, and if you meet the Aquatos and decide you aren’t ready to have them in your life yet, that is a completely reasonable choice. There are just two things I want to warn you against: the first is guilt, and the second is resentment. Falling into the trap of “something about this is my fault” is very easy, especially when you’re someone who has a lot of compassion and thrives on helping people. The issue there is that the circumstances that led to this situation were out of your control, so convincing yourself that you could have done something to prevent it will only make it harder to work through. This doesn’t necessarily mean that what happened is the fault of any one person or group, though, which is where resentment comes in. Feeling angry at your birth family for stepping in so suddenly is valid, but blaming them for what happened five years ago without understanding their situation or intentions is a great way to make yourself bitter towards people who may not have actually done anything wrong. Even if someone did, five years is a lot of time to recognize what was harmful and improve as a person. Chances are, no matter what really went down that day, the Aquatos are all going to be very happy to see you, and they’ll do their very best to accommodate your feelings and decisions.

Bottom line, there is no easy solution to this situation, but you are probably better equipped to handle it than you think. No matter what you choose to do, the people you love will be there for you to lean on, so don’t be afraid to ask for help or even just a listening ear. Trust your own judgment, make time to let yourself not think about it, and most of all, have hope. You will all be okay. 💙

(Raz walks out of his room and into the common room. The Interns are sitting around, relaxing in their own way. Gisu jumps up when she sees Raz.)

[Gisu] Raz.

[Raz] Hey guys.

[Adam] How ...are you feeling, fam?

[Raz] Better. Just ...been thinking about ...everything. Thought about it so much, that my head started to hurt again. (manages a small grin.) I was getting sick of being alone in my room, anyway.

[Sam] I left cookies by your door.

[Raz] I got them. They ...are gone now.

[Lizzie] But seriously Poots, how are you doing?

[Raz] (Sighs) I still don't know. I think ...once I get answers, I will finally be able to start ...giving it a place I guess? I still got questions; Mom told me some things, but not everything. I asked her too.

[Morris] We asked Sasha a lot. I think we know about the whole dang file. Still ...we think he didn't tell us everything. He kept some things for himself.

[Gisu] (Looks over to Norma, who is still sitting at the table, facing away from everyone. She Looks to Raz and gives a quick with her head towards Norma.)

[Raz] (Nods and walks over to Norma) Hi, Norma. You doing okay?

[Norma] ....

[Raz] C'mon, talk to me, irmã.

[Norma] (Still looking away from him.) You don't have to call me that anymore, Razputin. I mean ...they found your family. A family with brothers and sisters. You don't ....(her breath hitches a bit and she quickly wipes away a tear that is forming.) You don't need me or Lizzie to pretend to be your sisters anymore.

[Lizzie] Norma ...

[Raz] (Sighs and holds out his hand to Lizzie, who tosses him a pillow.) Just a quick cranial adjustment. (He gives Norma a big wack on the back of her head with the pillow.)

[Norma] HEY! (Turns to Raz) What the heck, Ra-

[Raz] (jumps in her arms before she can finish.)

[Norma] (Blinks a few times, but wraps her arms around him and embraces him tightly.)

[Raz] You will always be a sister to me, Norma. You, Lizzie, Gisu, all of you, you will always be my sibling. Always! Whatever changes, this will never change. You hear me? Never!

[Norma] R-Raz....I ...(She lets out a sob, tears start flowing from her eyes.) Thank you.

[Sam] GROUP HUG!

(Everyone starts piling onto Norma and Raz, embracing them in a big, warm hug, confirming the sibling bond they will forever have.)

#A big ask needed a big answer #psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #razputin vodello au #razputin vodello #lizzie natividad #norma natividad #gisu nerumen #sam boole #adam joseph gette #morris martinez

[chryzure-archive]

hmm what r some of ur favourite tropes to write about or to read? what kind of twists or smthing do u like for those tropes owo. FAVE THINGS TO PUT IN CHARACTER DESIGNS??? top 5 book characters….i like ur book opinions so much <3

EXTREMELY CLICHÉ, but i adore “trapped in a small space together” trope…. writing it is fun, reading it is fun—because you’re Stuck There!!! so it’s time to forcibly progress this relationship!!! BONUS POINTS IF ONE IS CLAUSTROPHOBIC, so the other has to think of ways to distract them!!! when it’s done right… oh yeah, it’s EXCELLENT.

also wearing the other one’s clothes… irl, it jst makes me happy when ppl steal my clothes (not in a romantic sense, jst more in a !!!!!! we’re friends and you trust me and i trust you!!!!!), so obvi i LOVE it in writing too!! i esp love chryzure where chrysi’s wearing azure’s sweaters and she’s so tiny in them!! plus vice versa, where azure wears chrysi’s oversized hoodies and it fits him nicely and she’s like “oh…….. that looks very nice on you………….” struck through the heart with an arrow!!! blame cupid!!!

oh, wait wait, more serious answer—writing and reading forced arranged marriage that slowly turns to love is also something i love. the mirror visitor series did it impeccably, but i ESP love when it’s like “i can’t tell if you actually love me or if the marriage made you change your mind” “who cares? we’re together now and i love you because of it. why deny ourselves this?” AHHHH, GOING CRAZY, GOING WILD.

okay hmmm, some fun twists i have on tropes…. suddenly, i have forgotten every story idea or scene snippet i have thought abt ever.

OH, OKAY, WAIT I HAVE ONE!!! so yk the trope where someone pulls their friend/lover off someone they’re beating up??? well, azure will pull chrysi off someone she is violently attacking (it’s deserved) and she’ll jst dangle in his arms like a blood-stained kitten. he doesn’t put her down. her feet can’t reach the ground :((( and then, similar to the second lilo & stitch movie, if the person makes a snarky comment that pisses both azure and chrysi off, he’ll jst go “actually.” and release chrysi to attack once more. he supports chrysi’s violence 🖤

another (less happy) one is the idea that true love DOES conquer all…. but there’s a price for it :((( so, YES, azure WILL save chrysi—he’ll defy all odds and fix everything!!!… but he’s gone for good now. he’s dead. he can’t come back and haunt chrysi—she doesn’t even get the relief of being able to see his ghost. that’s the case in the chrysigil story… azure breaks all laws of nature to save his chryseis, and that’s all he has the strength for. it hurts, but i love it. the love didn’t last, but it was still there! it mattered because it was beautiful and fragile and it was love—doesn’t mean it wins every time. stephanie simply couldn’t understand such a concept, smh

I ADOREEEE red eyes + curly/messy hair, DARK EYES, MY BELOVED!!!! all my characters all have some sort of freckle or mole or facial mark because i think faces are so fascinating…… i love having unnatural hair colors on my characters as well!!!! and SMILES, making them unique!! like a scar on the lip, or a freckle, or dimples. long hair is also something i LOVE. drawing long hair is SO FUN FOR ME.

ooohhh, top five book characters??? difficult! i’ll make it worse by not mentioning any of chrysi’s book bfs because that’s cheating. also, this isn’t in any particular order, it’s jst in order of who i recall!

lucy carlyle from lockwood and co. !!!! i think she’s such a fun protag, esp since she’s so coarse and rude and imperfect and headstrong!!! i love her, i want to adopt her :)

MISTRESS LUCK, WAIT, HOW COULD I FORGET HER…..: LOVE HER SOSOSO MUCH, SHE DESERVED MORE SCENES. FOR MY PLEASURE. DEEPLY UPSET…. I MISS HER :(((((((( finale’s only flaw was that there was not more of Her 🥰

sir percy blakeney frm the scarlet pimpernel because wow!!!! vigilante leader pretending to be The Stupidest, Most Vain Man Alive?????? the BLUEPRINT for chrysi and her vigilante shenanigans, esp in my 1800s zombie au!!!! everything he does is SO funny to me & i also love all the different iterations of him (i actually endorse both the movie and the musical, despite both being different from the book. i need to read the other books in that series so i can judge those as well!!)

tea & kalen frm the bone witch…. i cannot separate them. they are deeply in love. and they’re so adoring of each other that it makes me cry…. rin chupeco knew what they were doing + i think they should write more romances like that actually……… i do need to read their other books because i love their writing style sm!!!

………. now i know he committed so many crimes and everything he did was inadvisable and i think he probably deserved what happened to him, BUT i love my wet pathetic little meow meow augustine lawrence from the death of jane lawrence…… i will accept everything he’s done. i support his actions. the scene where he’s crying through the walls + begging for help??! the scene where he’s coughing + sweaty + feverish from the curse???? ALRIGHTY THEN. he’s such a little bastard, but he’s one step away frm bursting into tears at all times that it’s okay!!! i endorse it!!!!!!!!!! :)

THANK YOU ALSO, i was jst ranting to a friend abt my book opinions, so it makes my heart warm + happy that you like my book opinions 🥰🥰🥰 i will continue to have them :>

#.asks #m.moon🎀 #TY SM BELLADONNA!!!!!!!!! i have many many opinions #IM SURE I COULDVE THOUGHT OF MORE TROPE REVERSALS/MORE TROPES I LIKE #BUT MY VRAIN WENT WINDOWS EXE SOUND ON ME THE MOMENT I TRIED TO THINK OF THINGS IVE READ… heartbreaking :((

[casspurrjoybell-23]

LOST and FOUND - Chapter 2 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

I walked into work Wednesday afternoon and saw Paul smirking at me from behind the counter.

I suddenly became very, very worried.

Paul never looked like that.

He was usually very subdued but right now he was looking at me like the Cheshire Cat.

I thought Paul was cute and he was only twenty-six.

I might've asked him out if I wasn't so heartbroken but I knew he didn't meet two key requirements... being gay and being dominant.

"What?" I said as I came behind the counter.

"Someone came in yesterday... seemed pretty bummed that you weren't here. Jonah, I think his name was?"

Paul looked happy to be teasing me but my mouth had gone dry.

"He wanted to know your schedule."

"Please tell me you didn't tell him," I said, already horrified.

"Of course I told him. Dude's totally hot and he's super into you."

My hands shook and I crossed my arms over my chest to hide it.

"Well, what if I'm not into him?"

"You'd be crazy not to be," he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Is it his age? Are you not into the 'daddy' thing? I thought that was popular in the gay community."

"Oh my God."

My face was on fire and I had to turn away.

"You are, aren't you?" Paul asked and I could practically hear the smirk.

"You totally have the hots for him."

"Paul," I hissed and turned back around.

"Look, if you see him again just tell him I'm not interested. I'm not looking for a relationship right now."

He looked giddy as he said...

"Looks like you'll have to tell him yourself."

He was looking at a point over my shoulder and I turned around just as Jona was walking through the door.

I squeaked and tried to move past Paul.

"You take his order. I need to... uh... clean things."

"Nuh uh, buddy," he said, chuckling and shoved me towards the register.

I looked at Paul, horrified.

He winked at me and I wanted to maul him.

He gestured his head to the side a couple times towards the counter, smiling.

I finally turned to walk the rest of the way to the register.

I put a fake smile on my face before I looked up at Jona.

He had that fucking grin on his face again.

"What can I get you? Same as Monday?"

I looked down and started entering my clerk number into the register.

"Actually, I was hoping to get your number," he said confidently.

My head jerked up.

I was shocked.

I didn't expect him to be so forward so quickly.

I hadn't been asked out in seven years and I was completely unused to it.

My eyes were wide and I tried to blink away the shock from my face.

He never stopped smiling.

I cleared my throat and got myself under control.

"How old are you?" I asked.

It was totally rude but he would just have to deal with it.

He chuckled.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-five."

"I'm forty-six. So can I have your number?"

Forty-six.

If he had just been an older looking thirty-year-old I might've considered it.

But he was only three years younger than Harrison had been when we met.

If things went the same way with Jona as it did with Harrison we would only have nine years together.

I couldn't handle that.

I couldn't loose another person I cared about.

I couldn't take that risk.

"Um... no," I finally answered.

"No, you can't."

Did that sound confident?

I heard Paul gasp a few feet away.

Jona raised an eyebrow.

I was learning that was the expression he used when I did something that didn't please him.

"Is it my age? Do you not like older men?"

"Uh, no," I began stammering and stuttering.

"No, no, that's not... that's not it. It's... it's... complicated."

I shook my head.

"Trust me, you can't handle my complicated."

I looked down at my hands.

I was knotting my fingers together nervously.

He reached his arm across the counter and used his finger to tip my chin up, forcing me to look at him.

"Trust me," he said very, very firmly.

My heart beat faster just at his tone.

"I can," he finished.

He had kept a loose grip on my chin while he spoke, then he moved his thumb along my bottom lip.

Holy fuck, he was confident.

I just stared at him for an indeterminable amount of time... I might have been panting.

'What are you doing, Beau? Snap the hell out of it. You can't truly be considering it.'

I shook my head and took a step back, causing him to drop his hand from my face.

"I'm sorry. The answer is still no."

He was quiet for a moment, his head cocked to the side.

"You're an interesting guy, Beau. You want to say yes but you're saying no."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I didn't acknowledge it.

"Do you want something to drink?"

His smile returned.

"No, I have a meeting..." he replied, checking his watch and then adding...

"That, I'm already running late for. I'll be back on Friday, though."

Friday was the next day I worked.

I wanted to protest.

I wanted to scream... "Just leave me alone... you can't handle my kind of fucked up..."

As much as I wanted some strong, older man to come in and fix all my problems, that wasn't going to happen.

Jona would run the first time he saw the real me... he messy me.

"Bye, Beau," Jona said and started walking towards the door.

He also called to my shocked co-worker...

"Bye, Paul."

"Bye, Jonah. Have a nice day," Paul said back cheerily and with that the door closed behind Jona.

"Oh my God, Paul... I'm going to kill you... God dammit..." I yelled.

Thankfully there were no customers in the store or else that might have been a cause to fire me.

I had actually stamped my foot on the floor and it just reminded me that Harrison would scold me when I acted so immature.

I took a deep breath.

Paul held his hands up in front of him like I was a wild animal.

"I'm sorry, Beau. I didn't know you would be so upset. I've never seen you like this."

Guilt rushed into me... I was acting crazy.

Paul only thought he was helping me hook up with a hot guy.

He had no idea what I'd been going through.

He didn't know about Harrison and for the first time I wanted to open up, to just explain why I was acting like a maniac.

I didn't want Paul to hate me now.

"It's not your fault," I said.

"I'm sorry for acting like a psycho. It's just... I was with someone for awhile and... they're not here anymore."

I looked down at my toes.

That was the closest I could come to telling him that my boyfriend had died and left me all alone with way too many bills and no life skills.

"Holy shit," Paul replied. "Like they...?"

I guess he wanted to know if I really meant not here anymore, as in dead and I nodded my head.

"Fuck," he cursed loudly.

"I'm sorry, Beau. I never would've talked to that guy had I known. Really, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It's not your fault."

I looked back up at him.

"Still, I'm really sorry and I'm sorry about your boyfriend."

I smiled the tiniest bit.

"Thanks."

I almost started spewing word vomit everywhere, telling Paul all my problems but I reined it all in.

No one wanted to hear that and I still didn't know Paul that well, I wasn't going to weigh him down with my issues.

"I promise if I ever see that guy again I'll tell him to leave you alone. He was way too pushy, you don't need to deal with that," Paul said.

Little did he know that I liked pushy, I liked confident, I liked rough, I liked dominant.

But I didn't want to go into that with Paul.

"Don't worry about me, Paul. I can handle it."

He gave me a skeptical look, seeming to take in my short stature and slim frame.

"Don't worry," I chirped and went off to wipe down tables.

Don't worry became my mantra for the rest of the day.

Don't worry about the bills piling up on the table.

Don't worry about the family barbecue on Saturday.

Don't worry about the bookstore and don't worry about Jona.

Just don't.

[joannacarlily]

Anne and the Shoemaker

Original Prompt supplied by friend when asked: "A shoemaker in the 1600s discovers their new favorite food, but only because it's served by the most beautiful person they ever saw." Short Story (Written over a train commute): Life was simple 'as for James Hamilton, a typical young man working as a cobbler in the City of London. He had a decent life working for a boss, and go home to his home, always in grim view of the Tower of London. There was always a public execution these days as the Queen protected her power from an attempt on her throne. As a red-blooded Englishman, he did his rightful duty and watched, but he found them to be too gruesome, and generally avoided the spectacle. The noises and cheers always found its way to his home though, using the broken boots of friends as practice and noise whenever the crowd cheered. Yet, on one fairly standard day, he heard noises come from the tower, but he also felt a feeling a sense of necessity, so he walked forward to the scene of the next set of executions, a crowd in front, all focused on taunting the men in rope as the man began to read out the crimes. "May I interest you in food, young Sir." He heard near him. Normally he'd just ignore the overpriced gawking, but he felt a soft hand on his shoulder, and quickly turned, set to yell at whoever interrupted him. Instead, he was hushed at the beauty of the woman who was in front of her, dressed in a dark red outfit, accented by long yellow stripes on each boot and down her chest. Even her red cape was yellow on the inside. "Food is important for a growing young man, don't you think?" She said, giving him a wink as her ponytail peaked out from behind. He shook his head. "Trust me when I say you'll regret it. Please, have a sample." How no one else even looked at her, he could only guess the list being read behind was engrossing. Free is free, he thought, and she smiled as she opened the bucket to reveal a white thick plant that almost looked like a miniature log. He was slightly put off. "Um, no thanks." "Try it! Its on the house plus I'm sure you'll agree its delicious!" The woman gave him a bright smile that made him weak in the legs, her voice penetrating the roar of the crowd as the executions began. She put forward the bucket and he reached in, grabbing a soft piece, and placed it in his mouth. He stopped, and slowed his chewing as he felt the odd but delightful taste in his mouth as the beautiful woman smiled, her eyes shut. "Its a new world crop, boiled in water." The woman grinned chaotically, holding the bucket as she leaned forward, her face only three inches from his. "You don't believe that the Trade Companies should be the only one to prosper, now do you Sir Hamilton. "They brought over tobacco, corn, and squash, made the Crown millions. Shouldn't you get a part of that as well?" She purred. She shifted to his side, and he suddenly felt the coldness of where her eyes suddenly weren't focused. He ripped his gaze away from where she was, and to her new position. "Come with me. Join me on a trip out to the New World." He could easily say no, ignore the witch of a woman that no one else seemed to notice. Stick to his nominal life as a cobbler, work his way up. Yet, he could not remove his gaze away from the woman, or how tasty the so-called root was as he kept chewing it as the crowd cheered with each bite he took till it was all gone. Her smile though took control of his brain, and he found himself agreeing. "Wonderful! See you at the Port of London in 24 hours." And with that, she suddenly disappeared, and he returned back to his life, seeing kids excitedly running past, having enjoyed the last execution of the day. He slowly turned, and saw that the five corpses were all still hanging, looking forward as if searching for their next victim.

Author Notes:

I did enough research to essentially place people in the correct location at the right times, but otherwise I did not spend time on languages or settings. This was a quick one-shot for a reason and I wasn't about to research much (plus I mainly write current-day fiction).

Otherwise, hello! After years of keeping my writings personal, I have decided to publicly post my writings for the world to peruse. I can always do better, and by no means am I a good writer. To me, it is a way to keep my brain going and imaginative between working hours.

I do not mind people talking assertively about this or that, as everyone is entitled to their personal opinions, but I can give as good as I get if you decide to be extremely rude.

#creative writing #writing #writers on tumblr #writers community #fiction #short story

[lys1]

This is an Asra x fem!reader. NSFW for sure, porn WITH plot <3 this is my first post on tumblr so feedback appreciated.

——————

You walk through the dusty streets of the Market towards the palace. Hundreds of stalls loom up on either side, alive and vibrant with colors, smells, and tastes. It feels good to be back in the heart of Vesuvia.

You turn to look at Asra beside you, keeping your exhausted pace. It had been 8 days since Nadia had asked Asra and yourself to go check out some mysterious magic happenings on the outskirts of the city. You scoff to yourself, mysterious indeed, it took half the time to even track down the little pixie creatures causing ruckus and mayhem. Eventually, after some exhaustive spell casting and careful teamwork the two of you had managed to return the troublesome pixies to the proper magic realm they escaped from.

You yawn tiredly, loosening the emerald colored traveling scarf from around your neck. It was afternoon now, and the sun was beating down.

"Almost there now," Asra spoke up, breaking the silence. He looked fondly over at you, a smile lighting up his sun kissed face. Even so, you could see that the time away from home had taken its toll on him too. You were both more than ready to hit the hay.

You nod slightly, keeping back another yawn. "I hope Nadia has food for us, I'm starved." The villagers in the towns you had visited were kind and generous, but nothing could beat the delectable food that the palace prepared.

Asra chuckled, "I'm sure that right after we fill her in on the successful pixie management she'll immediately be tending to us like a mother hen. You know how she is, she loves to provide." He pushed back his curls from his face to wipe his brow of sweat, smiling as he too imagined the delicious array of food that was about to be offered. He picked up his pace at the thought, making you jog a bit to keep up.

The Palace gates soon loomed over the two of you, sparkling and gold in the summer sun. The guards at the gate looked up as you approached.

"Ah, the magicians! I trust everything went alright?" One asked, clearly recognizing the famous duo. He smiled warmly, maybe a little starstruck.

Asra returned his smile, "it was simply magical."

You rolled your eyes at the terribly overused pun as the guard gave a hearty laugh. The two of you were waved in and informed that the countess was waiting for you in the dining room.

"Oh even better," you groaned in appreciation. "We get to eat while we talk. I love Nadia." Your stomach growls in agreement. Asra flashes you a beautiful smile as his feet climb the stairs alongside yours.

"And clearly," he adds, "she loves us back!" He was particularly looking forward to some blue tongued skink, Nadia knew it was his favorite.

It only took a couple minutes to reach the dining hall. One of the servers was bustling out the moment You and Asra rounded the corner to the door.

"Oh, hello!" They said, giving a small polite now. "The countess is expecting you! Please, come right in." They moved aside, holding the large ornate door open with one of their hands.

You wink and whisper your thanks as the two of you make your way in. Immediately your mouth fills with saliva at the smell that filled the room. The table was large and being filled with platters of many foods of different origins. The gold dinnerware twinkled delightedly up at you and the red wine glimmered deep and inviting.

"Welcome, friends." Nadia opens her arms, rising from her chair. She had just been sipping on some pre-dinner tea while waiting for her guests. She was smiling, and looking absolutely magnificent in her shining purple and gold robes.

"Hello Nadi," Asra said, joining you and her in a quick hug before seating himself at the table. You follow, sitting beside him as Nadia resumes her seat. The servants bring the last platter of steaming dumplings out at that moment.

You sigh contentedly. "This looks amazing Nadia, I feel spoiled."

Nadia smiles, the faintest blush on her high cheeks. "Anything for my favorite magicians, willing to travel far and wide in aid of Vesuvians in need." She adores, raising her wine glass. "To my dear friends, what I would do without you, I wouldn't know."

You and Asra raise your glasses with her, each of your own cheeks now a healthy pink. Nadia declares the meal to begin and you all dig in.

"Oh my, what troublemakers!" Nadia declares, after hearing the story about the pixies. The food was being relished amongst every plate and the wine was flowing steadily. "I can't believe such tricky little creatures exists." She continues, eyes sparkling as she pours another cup of wine.

"Yes, well, the magic world is something else entirely." Asra laughs, relaxed and feeling full. He was lounging comfortably, one hand gripping your thigh, another holding his gold goblet. His skin was warm and aglow.

You had your own hand comfortably nestled in his snowy white locks, massaging slow circles into his scalp. It had been a long 8 days and you were both happy to finally be able to relax into each other while having pleasant conversation.

"You should have seen the way they caused mischief," you add. “Oh I felt terrible for that village. So many upside down cows to turn over." Asra smiles as you tell the story, closing his eyes and leaning into your gentle touch. It was, to put it simply, the best feeling he could imagine. Well, almost.

Nadia chuckles again. "Well, I'm just glad that they are gone and we can laugh about this." She says, sighing in slight relief. "Vesuvia is fortunate to have two talented magicians like yourself. I am fortunate to have you as my friends. Your well deserved payment is in your guest room."

Asra blinks, "oh, you're offering us a place to stay tonight?" He asked, the gratefulness clear in his tone. You couldn't help but agree, walking back to the shop did not really sound like something either of you wanted to do. Especially, you muse, lifting your glass to your lips, after how many wine jugs the three of you had emptied.

"Why of course," Nadia looks surprised that we even had to ask. "And," she continued, "use of my personal bath this evening. You two more than deserve some relaxation and.. fun." She ends her sentence after a slight pause, giving you both a side glance full of humor.

You feel your cheeks go slightly hotter at the obvious suggestion. However, embarrassment aside, nothing else sounded better right now. You look down at your lover who was now lounging against your lap and smile. Oh how far too long it had been, the pixies had been relentless and had not offered much down time.

Asra chuckles, clearly more comfortable with the suggestion. He always had been a bit more confident when it came to discussing your private life. You found it quite endearing.

"Oh Nadi," he smiles. "You just made this evening even better somehow. I can't wait to take my love there and-"

Nadia waves her hand, laughing at your horrified face. "Please, please, I certainly don't need to know details." She grins, "just go, and take the wine."

Asra didn't need more encouragement and sat up promptly. He looks down at you, a shadow of hunger in his lilac eyes, offering you his hand. You take it, biting your lip as his gaze continues to rake over your body in the sort of way that makes you squirm.

"Thank you, Nadia." You say breathlessly, and a little sheepishly.

Nadia smiles, "anytime." She says, laughter still ringing in her voice. "Now go, before Asra here makes love to you on this table."

Your eyes open wide, shocked to hear her say such dirty words before ducking your head down in embarrassment.

Asra rests his hand on your shoulder and leans down to whisper in your ear, "you heard the lady." His voice is sultry and thick with want. "The table is looking awfully inviting right now."

Quickly, you turn and head out the door, Asra following close behind. The bath is not far down the hall and the two of you make great time. Asra's hand is at your waist, pressing in such a way that you know means desire. You hadn't realized how badly he had been missing you.

You make it to the door and turn to look back at your lover. You gulp at the hot scene behind you. Asra's eyes are half-lidded, purple irises cloudy with lust. His shirt is already half unbuttoned, revealing his delicious golden tan skin, smooth and beautiful. He's looking at you in a way that makes you think he hasn't eaten in a week and you are a five course meal.

He closes in, pushing you against the door and reaching for the handle. "You're terribly slow," he says, voice already rough, desire prominent. He pushes the handle and the latch clicks, the door swings in behind you.

The two of you tumble into the sweet smelling room. Obviously Nadia informed a servant ahead of time of the use of this room because the bath was already filled and steaming. On top of the water pink rose petals float, filling the area with a soft floral scent.

Asra closes the door with a soft click and looks over his shoulder at you. "Oh my dear," he murmurs, taking the couple strides to wrap you up in his strong arms. "I've missed hearing you cry my name, kissing those lips, and feeling your skin." His fingers travel up your waist and over your stomach. They linger, just a moment at the swell under your breast before finally cupping your face in his hands.

You tremble under his touch, body suddenly aching with need. You bring your own hands up to his chest and splay your fingers out so you can feel his heart beating. It's fast and erratic, excited to be close to you.

"Sweetheart," Asra whispers, voice heady. It's intoxicating to hear him talk to you in such a way. You look up at him and catch him licking his lips. You bring your own up to meet his, tongue out to capture his. He groans, melting into the kiss, gripping your hair so tightly it's almost painful.

You gasp, mouth opening and he runs his tongue along your lips, tasting the wine you both had shared. "Delicious," he says against your skin, tasting more and more. His hot open mouth kisses travel from your lips to your cheek, jaw, and finally resting on your neck. Asra loves to leave marks, and he takes your skin between his teeth intending to do exactly that.

Your moan comes out hoarse and you feel heat starting to pool between your legs. They feel shaky and weak, unable to withstand such torment.

Asra steadies you and pulls back briefly, cheeks flushed hot, want written all over his face. "We," he states, "are wearing far too many clothes for a bath."

You laugh and take his shirt in your hands. "I agree," you say, pulling at the remaining buttons. They come free easily and soon a glorious, shirtless Asra is standing before you. You drink in the sight unashamedly, totally enthralled with your lover. Gradually, though slowed by each other's groping hands, you both end up undressed.

Asra grabs your thighs and hoists you up onto his hips. You wrap your arms around his neck and press your breasts into his soft skin. He groans appreciatively, nuzzling his face into your chest breathing deeply, and walks the two of you over to the edge of the bath.

The water is still very warm as it licks your skin. You jump in surprise and moan slightly as it overtakes your aching folds and up over your ass. "Ahh-" you sigh, slumping into the crook of Asra's neck. "This is so good."

Asra hums his agreement before taking your chin between his fingers and directing you too look at him. His eyes are swimming with love, need, and an absolute desire to ravish you. You swallow hard, unable to look away.

"I want you." He says simply, barely above a whisper. He maneuvers your body so your back is against his chest. You lean your head back into him and relax in the fragrant water. Asra snakes his left arm around your waist and trails his fingers from your belly button downwards.

You bite back a squeal as his trained fingers circle the small nub at the top of your slit. He adds pressure, rubbing you in a manner that makes you crazy. Your hips wiggle back and you feel him, hard and straining, pressing into your ass. His breath hitches only for a second before he leans down to pepper soft kisses on your neck and shoulders.

His other hand makes it’s way up to your right breast and he expertly rolls your perked nipples between two fingers. Your whole body shudders in response to his actions.

“Ah, fuck Asra,” you choke out, moving your hips to meet his fingers as he slides them down your slick towards your now dripping hole. He wastes no time plunging two in, enjoying the feeling of your walls tightening around him.

Asra lifts his lips from your skin and brings his mouth to your ear. “You’re so ready for me, aren’t you. Pretty and wet for my fingers, aching to be filled.” He curls them as he says that, relishing in the soft gasps that fall from your trembling lips.

You groan as he licks the shell of your ear, hot breath teasing on the sensitive skin. “You,” your voice falters a second as Asra’s fingers continue to explore your insides in a way that makes you grip his strong thighs on either side of you. “You are ready for me too.” You finally gasp out, finding the strength to grind back against Asra’s swollen cock. You knew if you could see it, it would be an angry red and leaking precum, desperate to be buried to the hilt inside of you.

Asra’s breath comes out in a short gasp that makes you smirk in satisfaction. At least you still have a little control left. That thought flies out your brain a second later when Asra pinches your nipple hard then twists, making you cry out in painful pleasure.

“Watch yourself, my love.” He coos playfully, no remorse in his words. You grit your teeth, taking in the torture that both of his skilled hands are laying upon you. You know what he wants, and it is oh so tempting to give in. You’re almost at war with yourself as your back arches on its own accord in rapt pleasure.

“Oh please, please.” You finally break, body shaking. You reach your arms back and thread your fingers through Asra’s fluffy locks before gripping hard. “Asra please fuck me already.” You plead, unable to care anymore that you were begging.

You feel Asra’s fingers slow to a stop inside you and then remove themselves. You almost groan in disappointment but you know better.

Asra flips your body around so you’re straddling his hips. You gasp when suddenly you’re faced to face with your beautiful lover. He looks positively stunning, the soft moonlight coming in from the high windows bathing him in a pearlescent light. His skin is glowing with a cool sheen, and his breath is leaving parted lips shallowly. Not to mention, his hard cock straining against your stomach, just begging for attention.

You bring your hand down and rest your index finger lightly on the slit. Asra shudders at the touch, but certainly not complaining. He’s slick, just as you expected, and you lightly circle his tip.

“You go on and on about how ready I am.” You tease, “but look at you, practically cumming into my hand already.” You lift your fingers and bring them to your mouth, tasting his salty sweetness. Asra’s diet is rich with fruit and vitamins, and oh how you loved how he tasted as a result.

Watching you lick your fingers coyly has Asra’s eyes drooping with lust. “My dear, oh my love,” he whispers. “How I am going to fuck you until I fill you with that cum you love so much. Because it’s true, you love it don’t you.” He says, voice sugar sweet, expecting an answer.

You blush, despite your best efforts. You look at him, but he only blinks in return, waiting.

“Yes,” you whisper, voice thicker with need than you realized. You give up trying to be bashful. “Yes, yes. I love your cum, how it tastes, how it feels when you fill me up. I want it so bad.” You beg, looping your arms around his neck so your lips are just inches apart. “You have my heart, soul, and body.” The words tumble out naturally, “and gods, do I need you now.”

Asra bites your bottom lip harshly before fully overtaking your mouth with his. He’s moaning, almost desperately, into you. “I love you, my dearest one.” He pants, gripping your ass with his hands. You feel your hips being lifted up and your body quakes knowing what’s coming.

You feel the tip of Asra on the heat of your slit and you sigh deeply, “I love you too, Asra.” You say, bending your neck so your head rests on his muscular shoulder. Your lips find a sweet spot on his neck, an anchor, as he lowers you down onto him. It’s tantalizingly slow, allowing you to feel every inch as you sink lower in the water until he’s fully sheathed in you.

“Oh gods,” Asra groans, both from feeling you pulse around him and from your playful lips on his neck. “You are a gift to me.” He says, breathless from the feelings.

You smile, in delight from your lovers sweet words. Slowly and carefully you lift your hips up, at the same time dragging your tongue up his smooth neck to his ear. You suck and nibble on the lobe as you find your rhythm, bouncing steadily on the thick shaft. He feels absolutely amazing in you, filling you perfectly.

Asra grips your butt underwater with his strong hands and leans his head to the side, giving you better access. He guides your hips to a steady pace, humming appreciatively when you comply. “It has been far too long since I’ve felt your sweet pussy squeezing me like this.” He says, without skipping a beat.

You don’t have time to blush before he picks up the pace, leaving you moaning loudly into his ear as he hits the spot that makes you crazy. “Ah fuck, I agree, I do agree.” You manage, finally finding the words.

The water sloshes around your two bodies, stirring the rosy scent into the air. It’s smells amazing and makes you dizzy with pleasure as every sense seems to be met. Asra huffs gently next to your ear, holding you tightly against his body.

You savor the feelings of your chests sliding against each other, the feeling sleek from the warm water and sweat mixing. Your hips meet his, snapping against each other with quick splashes, making you see stars as he hits every time the spot that has you go wild.

The muscles in your lower stomach tighten and you know it’s only a matter of time before you’re screaming Asra’s name for the whole palace to hear. “Baby,” you say breathlessly, kissing any skin you can reach. His cheek, the corner of his eye, his plump lips. “I’m going to cum.” You whisper into his mouth. He swallows your delicious words and licks your lips in response.

“I love when you do that,” he says, a slight chuckle in his words. He wraps his arms tightly around your middles before bringing his hands up to your shoulder blades and raking his nails down your spine. You shudder at the erotic feeling and arch your back against his hands. He sighs happily when you give him access to this gorgeous view, stretched out before him, stomach and tits shining gloriously in front of him. He puts his mouth on your bellybutton and licks up to the cavity between your breasts.

“Oh mmm,” he hums, pleased with the sweet taste of your skin. “You are a delicacy amongst gods.”

You flush looking down at his lustful face, sucking on your skin, leaving marks where only he will see. He latches on to one of your nipples, moaning in immense pleasure at the feel of it in his mouth. When he nips at the sensitive skin you jolt, a small disruption in the steady bounce of your bodies.

“Damn,” you curse, words choking in your throat. Your nails dig into Asra’s shoulders as he re-establishes the torturing rhythm that has you shaking desperately against him.

“Let go for me,” he suggests in a sultry whisper that has you reeling with a feverish desire. The pressure in your core is building at an alarming rate as Asra thrusts into you, filling you every time to the point where you can barely hang on.

“I-“ you falter, eyes rolling as you feel that familiar tingle across all your limbs. Oh gods, you can’t stop it now. “Asra, oh fuck, ASRA-!” You scream head thrown back. Your walls clench, and the knot comes undone. It’s amazing, you almost want to laugh in pleasure at the feeling of coming around Asra’s cock. It’s so good you almost forget to breath.

Asra curses under his own breath as he fucks you through your high, barely holding on himself. You bring your head back down and kiss him deeply, tongue joining his. It’s a short lived battle to hang on and in a flurry of short gasps you feel him cumming inside you, unable to stop himself from the uncontrollable waves of pleasure that come from your hot walls clenching around him.

You both continue to kiss each other lovingly, slowing down gradually until you’re sitting on his lap. Eventually, you pull away a couple of inches, looking into your beloved’s eyes.

“Hello,” you say, smiling at your favorite magician. Asra’s eyes crinkle as he smiles, looking at you through hazy eyes. He kisses you again, gently, pleasantly.

“Hello,” he returns, after a minute. He runs his hands up your back, massaging as he goes. “You,” he adds lovingly, “are so beautiful.”

You smile adoringly. “Thank you, Asra.” You remove yourself from his lap and wade through the water towards the collection of bottles on the wooden shelf nearby. You grab a few that you felt suited the two of you best and turned to your lover. Asra had lifted his arms to rest on the sides of the bath and was looking at you with admiration.

“May I wash your hair?” You ask setting down the bottles, but keeping a lilac scented shampoo for Asra. He smiled at you, his face soft and kind.

“That would be amazing, my love.” He said, leaning his head back into the water to dampen it. You squeezed some of the lovely smelling shampoo into your hand and waited. Asra emerged a moment later and kissed you adoringly on the nose.

“Thank you,” he breathed. “For always taking care of me.”

You kissed him back, a peck, before turning him so his back was facing you. You rub your hands into a lather before working them into Asra’s soft hair.

“I always will, forever.” You say softly, happier than ever.

#asra alnazar #asra x reader #the arcana #arcana smut #asra smut #asra lemon #lemons #asra is so hot #I love him #lys writes

[chloegong]

that semi-AU romajuliette + benmars fic

i need a permanent place to store this after dumping a random google doc on twitter so here it is, the author writing fic for her own book because people gave me headcanons and they were too good not to make use of

__

the one where juliette and marshall go out for a night out on the town and roma and ben have to go along to supervise because one time they accidentally committed arson —headcanon from twitter user @leonidasvaldz

a semi AU where Benedikt and Marshall were hanging out with Roma and Juliette in those happy months R&J had together in 1922 before everything went wrong (aka you can take this as canon because it will fit the timeline but the characters won’t have memory of this in the actual published books)

Disclaimer: i wrote this in one go inside a starbucks please expect ao3 user chloegong and not Author Chloe Gong who does multiple rounds of edits on her books

Second Disclaimer: nobody go putting this on goodreads before someone on my publishing team kicks my ass (rightfully so, i’m on deadline rn and i’m writing fanfic instead of my real contracted manuscript)

Mandatory reminder that Our Violent Ends is available for preorder with all links here :)

__

It wasn’t supposed to happen again. And yet, somehow, Benedikt was watching fire curl around the side of the building, the roof beams giving a loud groan before shuddering and caving in on itself.

He turned a look onto Roma. “Your girlfriend is a maniac.”

~

Five hours earlier...

Juliette climbed in through the window of Roma’s bedroom, careful to hug the burlap bag close to her chest as she landed on his carpet. The howling wind outside drowned out some of the clinking, but the glass bottles were still making a racket no matter how carefully she hugged the bag. She had gone full throttle for tonight; when no one was watching and her relatives were downstairs crowing over a game of cards, she had snuck around and robbed the liquor cabinets at the Scarlet mansion quite generously. Now she dropped the bag onto Roma’s floor with a huff, brushing a curl of hair out of her eyes.

“Where’s Marshall?”

Roma looked up from where he was reading, putting his book down and rising from the bed smoothly.

“Well, hello.” He strode toward her, stopping before her with his arms crossed. “Lovely to see you too. You do know it is my bedroom you just snuck into, right?”

Juliette pretended to jump in surprise, looking around wildly. “Do you jest? Oh, bother. Let me climb back out and go find my real lover. Marshall! Where are—”

With a huff that seemed to double as a laugh, Roma grabbed her wrist before she could turn around and leave through the window again.

“You’re hilarious,” he said dryly.

“I know.” Juliette reached up with her free hand, clasping her cold fingers right onto his neck. Though her palm was freezing from the bitter temperatures outside, Roma hardly flinched, he only shrugged his shoulder up to keep her hand there. He couldn’t fight back the grin. For several seconds, the two of them only stood there, looking like a pair of idiots smiling at each other.

Then his door opened.

“Are we interrupting something?”

Marshall bounded into the room, throwing the door wide open. With a horrified expression, Benedikt hurried in after him and closed the door quickly, listening for movement on the other side.

“Yes, leave the door wide open,” Benedikt said. “While any White Flower strolling the corridor can peer in and see the Scarlet heir standing there in a silly coat.”

Juliette stepped away from Roma, peering down at herself as if she had forgotten what she put on. “I didn’t think it was that silly. It’s my disguise.”

“You do look a little like a housewife,” Marshall said, considering the coat.

“A fifteen-year-old housewife?”

“I suppose that is exactly why you look a little silly.”

Juliette pulled a face, but refrained from arguing further. She was here tonight because Marshall wanted to see the new Scarlet club that opened along Thibet Road, and she had promised she could sneak him in. Unfortunately, Marshall was bad at keeping secrets, and the worst at keeping secrets from Benedikt. The moment that Benedikt heard Marshall was planning on entering Scarlet territory, he had decided that he would come in accompaniment.

Juliette supposed it was only fair. Benedikt didn’t entirely trust her, but he was nice enough. He tolerated her presence and always kept an eye over his shoulder to make sure she wasn’t spotted on their territory if she poked her head in to see Roma. While Juliette didn’t know much about Marshall either, he was far warmer than his best friend, and for the first time last week, they had even enjoyed an outing with just the two of them. Juliette Cai and Marshall Seo—out and about in the border territories on a quaint evening.

That outing had ended with accidental arson though, so it was rather possible that exacerbated Benedikt’s desire to play chaperone. And of course, if Benedikt was coming along, Roma wanted to tag along too.

The arson was hardly their fault, Juliette and Marshall had maintained when the Montagovs asked questions. What kind of person left a stack of hay out beside a bar? And what kind of hay was that easily flammable just from accidentally whacking one of the lanterns on the awning onto the stack?

“All right.” Juliette hauled the bag up again. “Are we ready to sneak onto Scarlet territory?”

“Absolutely not,” Benedikt muttered, strolling past her for Roma’s window. “But is that going to stop either of you?”

Before anyone could answer him, Benedikt had already hopped the small gap between windows, climbing into their neighboring building for their route out unspotted.

“Great!” Juliette said. She passed the bag to Roma so he could do the carrying. What was the point of converting a rival gang enemy into a lover if not to lug around her heavy things? “Glad we’re all so enthusiastic.”

Roma sighed, clambering onto his sill and making the climb too. “The things I do for you, dorogaya.”

Marshall hurried after him. “I would argue you’re actually doing this for me, dearest Roma!”

With a snort, Juliette climbed out last, and pulled the window after her.

~

The Scarlet club had been a bust. Of course, Benedikt had figured that would be the case from the get-go, especially if they were sneaking in at such a late hour to avoid being seen by anyone important in the Scarlet Gang. At least Juliette had provided good alcohol, and now he squinted at the label of the wine bottle under the street lamps while they walked, taking the smaller main roads along the periphery of the city.

Up ahead, Roma and Juliette were whispering to each other, though they didn’t sound like they were talking in full sentences. Those two always communicated in looks and gestures, swapping languages whenever they felt like it and ending up with some incoherent tangle of words that no one else could comprehend.

“Is there anything left in that?”

Benedikt glanced to his side, shaking the bottle to show Marshall. “One last swig. All yours.”

Marshall took the bottle. He put it to his lips and swung up, his head tipped to the sky and the line of his throat bared to the night. Benedikt shivered suddenly, a line of goosebumps rising at the back of his neck. The season had turned cold and the wind that blew onto his face was biting. He wrote off his shudder to the chill, to the temperature dropping with the longer they spent outside at such an hour.

Suddenly, Marshall was squinting into the distance. “Hey.” His call summoned Roma and Juliette’s attention from ahead, who both turned around to see what the matter was.

Marshall pointed to the dark shape off the end of the road. “Isn’t that the abandoned factory we lost to the Scarlets?”

“Is it?” Juliette asked, a sudden glee in her face.

“Why would you say that?” Roma bemoaned. He didn’t bother trying to stop her as Juliette hurried ahead, eager to explore the factory. “Look what you’ve done.”

But Marshall was wearing a similar expression, his eyes scanning the factory as they approached closer and closer. Wordlessly, he handed the bottle back to Benedikt, and though Benedikt’s head was spinning from the drink, he still recognized the exact face that Marshall made before he was going to get himself into trouble.

“Mars—”

“I’ll keep an eye on her,” he insisted, tipping his chin forward. Juliette had disappeared into the factory. “You two be look-out. We wouldn’t want someone finding us here, right?”

Benedikt scarcely had a second to argue back. Marshall was already hurrying off.

~

Inside the factory, Juliette trailed her hands along the dark walls, her eyes wide. The machines looked strange in the moonlight, but stranger while sitting so idle. She was used to seeing rows and rows of workers in the daytime, trailing after her father as he ran inspections on the work of their trade partners. It might have been the wine in her system, but everything seemed to sway: sitting so inactive in movement that her eyes were imagining movement.

“Pst.”

Juliette almost jumped out of her skin.

“Christ,” she muttered, whirling around with a hand on her heart. Marshall slunk out from the shadows, both his hands in his pockets. “You gave me a fright.”

“Me? Frightening?” Marshall picked up a strange object on the table, inspected it for several seconds, then set it back down. “I am the least frightening person on the planet.”

“Yes, well, when it’s so dark, even a cuddly teddy bear would be terrifying.” Juliette felt around her dress. She thought she had tucked her lighter in here somewhere. There were little pockets sewn around the sleeves and armholes that she kept all her weapons, though if anyone asked, she would say she had the ability to materialize them out of thin air.

“Do you scream often at teddy bears?”

“Only when they sneak up on me.”

“I don’t see you screaming at Roma.”

“He gets a special pass. He’s only a teddy bear on the inside.”

Marshall snorted. He leaned down, trying to read the paper taped down to the table. At last, Juliette found her lighter—it was actually in her sock—and she brought it close, thumbing down the sparkwheel for a flame.

“Do not touch—for demolishing,” Marshall read under the new light. “Are the Scarlets going to build something new here?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Juliette replied. “My father doesn’t include me in his business meetings yet.”

“Hmm.” The shadows of the factory danced. Juliette thought she saw someone darting in her periphery, and she whirled around, but it was only Marshall’s shadow. Unfortunately, she had scared Marshall with her movement, and he bumped into her, asking, “What? What is it?”

The lighter flew out of her hands, landing on the paper.

“Nothing, nothing!” Juliette assured. “I was seeing things.”

But Marshall wasn’t convinced. He swiveled around. Peered hard into a corner. “Was it ghosts? I know this city has ghosts. All that death creates so many ghosts.”

Juliette tried to look where he was looking. She couldn’t see anything except the dark.

“There is no such thing as ghosts.”

“Just last week, I felt something walk by me and then there was no one when I looked. I swear to you, if it wasn’t ghosts then I—” Marshall stopped suddenly, turning around to look at the table. “Uh… is that supposed to happen?”

Juliette whirled around too. The whole table was on fire. “Oh, God.”

With a sudden pop, the fire sprung up and licked up to the walls. There had to be something sprayed inside the factory already to prepare for demolition, or else the flames would not be traveling with such intensive speed.

“Marshall,” Juliette said simply.

“Yes?”

She looked at him. “When the Montagovs ask, we blame the factory and say we have no idea what happened. Run!”

~

Benedikt and Roma kept watch in relative silence. Benedikt’s head was spinning, and his cousin looked like his head was doing the same if his swaying was any indication. Roma was humming softly under his breath, toeing the grass that grew around the abandoned factory.

Then, there was a sudden sound from inside, and the first tendrils of flames blew out from the topmost windows.

“Roma,” Benedikt said plainly. “I’m willing to bet my life savings that Juliette Cai just committed arson.”

Roma tilted his head up, his jaw dropping agape. At first, he could only stare at the growing fire, eating up the roof beams. Then, he said: “To be fair, it could have been Marshall.”

Benedikt threw his arms into the air. “Who looks more like the arson type, Juliette or Marshall?”

“Is that a trick question?”

“The answer was Juliette!”

Benedikt pinched the bridge of his nose. He was rapidly growing concerned, but before he could suggest they go in to search for the two, Juliette and Marshall ran out from the factory—laughing. The factory was burning down, and they were laughing, grasping at each other and spinning in circles right in front of the factory. They looked a sight: seconds away from collapsing atop of each other in utter delirium.

Benedikt turned to Roma. “Your girlfriend is a maniac.”

Roma was struggling to hold back his laugh watching her with Marshall. “I think she’s magnificent.”

Marshall stumbled, and Juliette squealed, reaching out to grab his arm before he could trip and land flat on his face. Benedikt almost—almost—let a smile slip. Before Roma could sight it and tease him for enjoying himself after all, he cleared his throat.

“What happened?” he bellowed.

“Faulty factory!” Marshall called back.

Benedikt shook his head, turning on his heel. They needed to get out of here before someone reported the fire.

“Come on!” he called back to the three. “Let’s go before the Municipal Police arrive.”

Upon Benedikt’s summons, Marshall left Juliette’s side and hurried to catch up. He slowed to a stroll once he was beside Benedikt, but Benedikt could feel Marshall watching him.

“What?” Benedikt asked. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure his cousin was following too. Thankfully he was, though it was mostly Juliette hauling him along, their hands clasped together and swinging while Roma kept looking at the fire.

“I think you enjoyed yourself,” Marshall replied smugly. “After all that complaining about sneaking into Scarlet territory.”

Benedikt reached out and rapped his knuckles on Marshall’s skull. With a shriek, Marshall darted ahead.

“You want me to enjoy myself?” Benedikt shouted after him, breaking into a run too. “Come back then! Let me throttle you!”

FIN.

#these violent delights #romajuliette #benediktmarshall #how am i out here using my own book tags this feels weird FKJDHSDKJFH #should i tag my own name too #chloe gong #now i've gone and done it #bookblr #yabooks

[spencersawkward]

omg I’m so excited you’re on here and taking requests!! do you think you could do something like baby Spence losing his virginity to a close friend & it’s like adorable, goofy, fluffy smut bc he cannot get over the fact that he’s actually having sex with someone

I’VE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE-- TURN IT UP!!!

on a serious note, i'm so glad you asked for this one bc i really wanna add a scene like this in the fic i'm working on rn. i'm v excited.

summary: when the secret of Spencer's virginity gets accidentally spilled in front of the whole team, reader goes to check on him.

word count: 5.6k

relationship: Fem!Reader/Spencer Reid

content warnings: unprotected penetrative sex, creampie, fluff.

masterlist

hanging out with the team is easily the best part of the week. after spending days in Arizona with our focus entirely on the most recent case, my mind is practically ready to snap. I feel like I've been running on fumes, and when Penelope suggested we take the evening to hit our favorite bar, I was practically already out the door.

so now I'm sandwiched between JJ and Emily as we throw back our first shots of the night. my skin is already flushed with the elation of laughter, the pleasant thrum of conversation that surrounds us.

"that's bitter." JJ makes a face when she slams the empty glass on the table. I screw up my nose.

"why did we pick vodka?" I hate vodka.

"it gets the job done." Emily laughs. I shudder at the aftertaste that sits on my tongue.

Morgan wanders over, Pen on his arm while she totes a brightly colored pink alcohol. they're flirting as usual, but she pauses in her witticisms to grab my arm.

"we're playing truth or shot in that booth over there." she says to me, then gets the attention of the other two women. I let out a disbelieving laugh.

"truth or shot? like truth or dare but without the dare?"

"Reid, is that you?" Morgan says sarcastically. I slug him in the arm with a pout.

"be nice." but I'm giggling. he loops his arm through mine and we head back to the table, Penelope already starting a new conversation with JJ and Prentiss as they follow. Spencer is sitting in the booth with an Arnold Palmer, sipping from the straw like it's his job. I slide into the spot next to him.

"hi, you." I smile. "I haven't seen you at all tonight."

he holds up his glass. "I don't really drink."

"that's fine," I wave it off. "I just meant I wanted to hang out with you."

"oh." he smiles a little. "sorry."

"no big deal. you're here now." I shrug and turn to Pen as she calls my name.

"I'm gonna order a bottle. that okay?" she points to the bar with a mischievous smile. glancing once at Spencer and his slightly awkward position between Morgan and me, I make a snap decision.

"you know what? I think I'll just have a lemonade."

"you sure? Jayge said you spent the whole plane ride back talking about getting wasted--" Penelope's words cause a blush to spread over my face. I cut her off.

"I'm sure. thanks, Penny."

she nods. "of course, sweet cheeks."

I focus back on Reid, who is looking at me gratefully. he would never say it out loud, but I know he feels a little out-of-place sometimes. it's hard enough for him to come out with us to bars; the least I can do is be a sober friend. I open my mouth to start a conversation about an article I read the other day when Prentiss speaks.

"okay, so... who's ready?" her voice, always so certain, carries over the table. all of us make enthusiastic noises of assent, and she grins as Penelope returns with an armful of glasses. Derek gets up to grab the actual alcohol, and then when we're all settled in, the game begins.

"the rules are simple: you tell the truth, or you drink!" the tech analyst explains. the stakes for Spencer and me are lower, but that doesn't really matter. I'm excited to hear the team divulge their secrets.

"I'll start." Prentiss doesn't even hesitate before she looks at Morgan. "Derek, are you still sleeping with that one woman from sex crimes?"

Morgan raises his eyebrows at the question, irises flitting between Emily and the rim of his drink. there's a slight smirk on his face; he knows what a player he is and he's okay with flaunting it.

"Ally? no." he sighs. "things didn't end well between us."

"what? why?" I ask, eyes widening before I look around at everyone. "who is this woman?"

"cool your jets, sparky." Morgan teases me. "only one question per round."

"I'll tell you later." Prentiss raises her drink in my direction and winks.

"uh, no no." Morgan attempts to stop her, but JJ interrupts him.

"speaking of things not ending well," she says loudly. "Pen, why did you and Sam break up?"

"well," Penelope sticks her tongue between her teeth as she thinks it over with a devilish smile. her lips are a ruby red tonight, bright against her pale skin and big eyes. "to be completely honest, he just wasn't... doin' it for me. you know?"

"like--?" Emily glances down at her lap. Pen nods quickly and I snicker. JJ looks awestruck.

"I thought it was going so well."

"it was, but..." Penelope seems to genuinely think this over before she speaks. "if it's right, it just clicks. and it never clicked with Sam."

"profound." I compliment, high-fiving the high-energy blonde. we giggle before she turns to me with a glint in her eye.

"oh, do I have a plan for you," she smirks. "tell me, Y/N: if you had to sleep with one person on our team, who would it be?"

"women included?" I clarify, my cheeks suddenly on fire. how come everyone got easy questions except for me? I'm really just biding time.

"of course." she nudges my shoulder. I mull this over for a minute. I could say the truth, but I don't think that would be the right thing to do. however ironic that is. given the situation, I do something which I have never been good at and which I don't enjoy doing: I lie.

"although all of you are catches," I preface. "I think I would probably pick Emily."

Prentiss almost chokes on her own spit as her head snaps to see my face.

"me?" she asks.

"low-pressure fun." I shrug, the stress of the moment rolling off my shoulders with the ensuing laughter of my team members. Spencer takes a sip of his drink and peeks at me from his spot before I focus my attention to JJ.

we go on like this for a while, our original plan of "truth or drink" really just turning into a game of "truth and drink." as our laughter gets progressively louder, our questions and answers get progressively more provocative. we get into risky territory towards the fourth round, and I can practically feel Spencer's discomfort radiating off of him. thank god everyone has been taking it easier on him with their questions.

that is, until Morgan hits about five shots and decides to throw him to the wolves.

"so, Reid," he asks. there's no malice in his tone and I'm sure he's not meaning to embarrass the boy genius, but the question makes me wince anyways. "have we made any progress on the virginity front?"

it's like a fucking pall over the table. Reid goes rigid in his spot, and JJ's protective eyes dart between him and Morgan. Penelope's jaw drops.

"wait, Reid, you're a--?" her voice is tender, not judgmental, but Spencer's cheeks turn pink and he looks at Derek with a hurt expression.

"not cool." he says, body shifting in my direction. his eyes communicate everything; without a word, I know what he wants. I scoot out of the booth, letting him slip by me to walk outside.

truly, I'm speechless. we all stare at his lanky frame push through the door, but nobody talks until at least fifteen seconds pass.

"what the hell was that, Morgan?" JJ asks.

"I thought everyone knew--" he throws his hands up. "I swear I wouldn't have said anything if--"

"why would everyone know that?" I feel myself get angry for Spencer's sake. "that's an incredibly personal thing, especially to him."

"that wasn't you, my love." Penelope's voice is soft, sobered by the incident that just occurred. the playful air at the table is officially ruined, and we keep glancing at the doorway like Reid will come back in and everything will be fine. he doesn't.

"I'm gonna go apologize." Morgan starts to get up, seemingly beginning to realize the weight of his words. it's one thing to ask about Reid's sex life in general; it's another to point out specifically the entire absence of it. Spencer doesn't seem to be bothered by most things, but this is different. my heart hurts.

we watch Morgan go, the women all looking at each other with worried expressions.

"I feel bad." Penelope says.

"y'know, Spence never told me that." JJ observes.

"he really trusts Morgan." Prentiss says what we're all thinking. Morgan has always been like a big brother to him, and being embarrassed in front of your co-workers like that can't be a pleasant feeling.

we sit in a relative silence for about five minutes until Morgan walks back into the bar. he pulls out his wallet and pays for the drinks, then walks over to us.

"I'm gonna go for a walk. do you need me to call you all cabs?" he asks. those dramatic brows are drawn low over his face, emphasizing his regret. I look between my friends and clear my throat.

"it's okay. I only had one shot about an hour and a half ago. I can drive everyone home."

"okay," Morgan sighs, his head turning briefly to the door before focusing back on us. "drive safe, ladies."

and then he's gone.

"you guys ready?" I start to shrug my jacket on. they all nod and we get ready to go.

...

sitting in my apartment later that night, my head is swimming. even though it's none of my business what happens in Spencer's sex life, I wish I could tell him that it's okay. nobody cares at all if he's a virgin or not. but I know it's still embarrassing.

I hate that I lied earlier tonight, too. I wanted to say Spencer's name when they asked who I wanted, because I meant it. we're close, and I will always love him as a friend. but I've also always wanted more.

nobody, not even any of the other BAU women, know about my crush. I didn't want it to get in the way, or for it to come out and ruin my friendship with Reid. he doesn't like me like that, and that's fine, but what's not fine is not having him as my friend.

he was the first person I really connected with when I came here, and I feel a little protective over him, too.

once the clock hits eleven, I consider calling. he’s definitely not asleep yet. Spencer is a night owl. normally at this time he'd be curled up with a huge book, reading impossibly fast.

when he picks up on the third ring, the air leaves my lungs.

"Y/N?" he asks, more surprised than anything else.

"hey, Spence--" I hesitate, suddenly not sure what to say. sorry Morgan told everyone you're a fucking virgin? “do you wanna come over?"

maybe if I see him face-to-face, I'll be able to collect my thoughts better. the words hang in the air, festering over the line until I'm just about to take them back, before he replies.

"y-yeah. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

my hands are shaking at my side when I open the door for the tall genius. he's still wearing his outfit from earlier, hair slicked back like normal. I've settled for my usual sweatpants and t-shirt winning combo. it's not like he cares.

"hey." I smile, trying to read his micro expressions. there are two possible outcomes here, knowing him: either he's going to be totally, completely over it, or he'll be able to write a War-and-Peace-length book on why he's upset.

"hi." he gives a wan smile and I let him into my apartment, closing the door behind him and gesturing to the couch.

"I missed this place." he says absently, looking around at the mess of decor and case files. I snort as I recall the last time he was here. he wanted to borrow a book that I had, and we ended up watching an entire docu-series about homing pigeons. it was surprisingly interesting; mostly because his commentary is both informative and funny.

"it missed you." I anthropomorphize my living space, but the phrase hangs heavy. I'm worried about him. I'm always worried about Spencer. he turns to look at me, opening his mouth to say something. I brush past him and walk into the kitchen. "coffee?"

"sure." he follows me like a lost puppy, leaning against the counter while I pull out two mugs and get to work.

"hey," I pause for a moment to look him in the eyes. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry-- about what happened... tonight."

"oh, that?" he scoffs, waves it off unconvincingly. "it's fine."

I raise my brows the slightest bit, never breaking eye contact. he wouldn’t have come if he didn’t want to talk about it. he cracks easily.

"it's just embarrassing, you know?" he says, staring out my kitchen window to alleviate his own nerves. I gesture for him to follow me back into the living room and I sit down criss-cross applesauce on the couch. he mirrors me, kicking off those cute black Converse.

"I don't think the fact itself is embarrassing, but I totally get why it feels that way. he shouldn't have said anything." I nod.

"like, that's personal. a-and--" he hesitates a moment, gesticulating wildly now. "and it's not like he's got any right! at least I don't go around with so many girls that I forget their names."

the thought of Reid sleeping with that many women is a little bit funny, but it also makes my stomach twist with jealousy.

"did he apologize?"

"yeah, he did. and he was drunk, I know." he rolls his eyes. "I'm overreacting."

"no, really, you're not." without thinking, I scoot closer to him and place my hand over his, which is sitting on his knee. I remember that Spencer is usually pretty averse to touch, but when I move it back to my lap, he seems a little disappointed. I wonder if he gets lonely.

"is it weird?" the question sounds raw, like he's mustering a lot to hear my response. I shake my head immediately.

"well, for one, Spence, I would never judge anyone based on their sex life, period." I chuckle. "and two, no way! if you aren't into having sex at this point in your life-- or ever-- that's totally your choice and you're entitled to it."

his eyes meet mine, pools of honeyed hazel that swim with a slightly amber shade. his face is so pretty, it's sometimes unbelievable to me that he doesn't get more action. bone structure that would make a sculpture envious.

"that's the thing," he licks his lips nervously before averting his gaze again. "I am interested-- I just don't-- well, I don't--"

"don't have someone to do it with?" I suggest with a slight smile. he nods, then clarifies.

"girls don't really seem to be interested in me."

I let out a laugh, unable to contain myself. his head jerks up to frown in confusion. I’m quick to amend myself.

"Spence, that's not true at all. you're such a catch! you're sweet and funny and way smarter than anyone I know. not to mention that you're adorable." I compliment, letting some of the thoughts I've been keeping to myself bubble to the surface. "any girl would be beyond lucky to be with you, sexually or not." Spencer blushes at my words, but the squirming in his spot tells me that it makes him feel warm inside. he smiles a little.

"you think?" it's genuine. he appreciates being praised, and it makes my heart flutter when he gives me that expression like I've made his night.

"I know." more of what I want to say rolls around my mind, unsure of whether or not I should admit it. but I think that right now, it'll only serve to make him feel better. "actually, I should tell you something."

"what?" he's curious now.

"when we were at the bar and Penelope asked who I'd be with... on the team... I lied."

"okay." he nods, somehow not connecting the dots. I guess it doesn't matter if they've got enormous IQs; boys are still clueless.

"I was gonna say you." the truth presses from the inside out, lifting a weight off my chest now that it's out there. even if he doesn't return that feeling, I'm suddenly glad that I told him.

"me?" he gestures to his narrow chest. I nod.

"yeah. I didn't wanna make you uncomfortable or embarrass you in front of our friends." I explain. he breaks into a grin.

"thanks." like I've given him something. I feel myself smiling as well, and then we're just looking at each other. tension that neither of us is willing to break. as much as I'd like to take him right here right now, he hasn't said anything about actually having sex or even about being attracted to me. for all I know, he could be completely indifferent.

"listen, Spence--"

"would you be willing to--" we speak at the same time, both of us stopping and laughing awkwardly.

"sorry, you go first." I offer, and he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth.

"would you want to... um..." he scratches the back of his neck before his eyes meet mine. "try it?"

"sex?" I raise my eyebrows. he nods. I try to find the right response. that’s more assertive than I expected. my pulse is fast, daring me to tell the truth. "I mean-- yes, I would love to-- but are you sure you want it to be with me, Spence? what about a girl that you like?"

"you are a girl that I like." he says this like it's matter-of-fact, like it's obvious. my heart stops in my chest before it starts to hammer.

"really?" a smile makes its way onto my face.

"I thought you knew."

"no." I laugh. my chest is full of sunlight.

"well, you are."

there's a brief silence where I try to get myself back on track. he likes me, too.

"are you sure you want to do this?" I glance at the space between our bodies, which has grown steadily smaller over the course of our conversation. Spencer is watching my every move with an intensity that tells me he's nervous.

"yes." he's unwavering.

"okay, well, you've kissed girls, right?" I inch closer. he nods.

"one."

"oh, Spencer," I sigh contentedly. "I have so much to teach you."

right after I say this, Spencer shifts uncomfortably in his seat. it's only then that I notice his hand covering his lap, the erection that's forming beneath his pants. my eyes flick up to his hungrily.

"sorry." he apologizes.

"don't be." our faces are inches apart and he's practically holding his breath. "I'm gonna kiss you. is that okay?"

"yes." he replies immediately. I place my hands gently on the side of his face, admiring the softness and sharpness of his jaw when I pull him to me, kissing him with a suppressed desire. his mouth is soft against mine, a little anxious to move. after a moment, he starts to relax.

his lips part and I deepen our contact, tilting my head and keeping it mostly mild at first. I don't want to shove my tongue down his throat. our knees are touching and his hand hesitantly finds my waist, the other going to run through my hair. I sigh into him, his fingertips a new sensation that I adore.

Spencer begins to give in a bit more to himself, asserting himself in the kiss and slipping his tongue over my bottom lip. I almost laugh at how quickly he gets the hang of it. he reads my body language effortlessly, not even skipping a beat when I climb into his lap and lace my arms around his neck.

"is this okay?" I pull away momentarily. he nods.

"you're so pretty." an unrelated response, but appreciated nonetheless. I laugh and peck his nose.

"thanks." and then we're back to making out, his hands resting on the small of my back. it's nice. I could stay like this forever, just pressed against Spencer while my fingers thread through his soft hair. he's cautious with me, and it's innocent.

I can feel his boner, can feel from the eagerness of his kisses that he's trying not to bring up the fact that he's literally just throbbing in his pants right now. in order to give him a little of what he wants, I start to rock my hips against his.

Spencer whimpers into my mouth. I stop and look down at him.

"do you want me to stop?"

"no, god, no— never stop." he's mindless in his reply, already grabbing my hips greedily and trying to regain that friction. I shake my head with a chuckle, then resume my actions. he starts to rut up against me, groaning into our embrace while his hands get more adventurous.

I withdraw, breaking the kiss to straighten up. he doesn't stop the microscopic pushes of his hips. I bite back a smile, enjoying the friction, too.

"do you wanna take my clothes off, Spence?" I ask softly.

"y-yes." he replies, gingerly taking the hem of my top and beginning to lift it over my head. when he places it on the couch beside me, his eyes immediately fall to my bra. slender fingers run up my bare waist, his watch glinting in the candlelight. when he doesn't immediately reach to unclasp my bra, I grab his wrist and guide it to the clasps myself. he moves with a surprising ease, unsnapping the thing and grazing over my skin as he slides the straps down my shoulders. I can tell that he’s shaking a tad, but it doesn’t hinder him.

the second that he's discarded the lingerie, he looks up at me with moony eyes.

"can I... kiss you?" he looks at my bare chest. "here?"

"of course, Spence." I nod. he presses his lips to the space between my ribs, drags them up to the valley between my breasts. lingers, then attaches himself to one of my nipples. I sigh, throwing my head back at the way he moves intuitively, sucking and running his tongue over the peak. he squeezes the other breast, plays with the nipple and starts to acquaint himself with the curves of my body.

the whole time, he's straining against my core, rutting helplessly in pleasure. it feels heavenly, with that sweet face of his so devoted to making me feel good, that I nearly stray from the purpose of the experience.

"Spencer..." I breathe. he moans at the sound of his name, then looks up at me from his place sucking on my tits. his teeth graze of my skin and I buck into his lap, causing him to groan appreciatively. my fingers tangle in his soft hair.

"Y/N," he pulls away from my chest, his lips making a soft popping sound. I gaze down at him, a bit lost in the fantasies running through my head. he's a natural. "can we, um-- like, expedite this process a little?"

"expedite the process?” I repeat back to him, giggling at his formality.

"what?" his voice goes up an octave, but he's smiling. "you know what I mean."

"I really do." I lean down, pressing my thumb into his jaw and angling his face up to mine to kiss. while his hands curiously move over my body, I start to push down the waistband of my sweatpants. I break contact just for a moment to peel them off, and he releases a quiet whine. it's cute.

"come back." he says softly, watching as I slide the bottoms down my legs, leaving me in my panties.

"I'm back." I peck his cheek, climb into his lap again. "can we take off your clothes, too?"

"mhmm." he nods. his lips part when my fingers work at the buttons of his shirt, undoing them with a torturous slowness. I can feel his eyes on my face the whole time.

"what?" I chuckle, peeking up at him for a moment before I pull his shirt open and run my palms up his chest, over his shoulders. he nearly shudders at the sheer touch.

"I just can't believe this is actually happening." he smiles in that way of his, like he's suppressing the depth of his emotions, with his brows slightly raised. I take the opportunity to enjoy the sight of him before me, his rapidly rising and falling chest, the smoothness of his skin.

"honestly?" I start to unbutton his pants, and he jerks up into my hand, blushing once he realizes the earnestness of his actions. I smirk encouragingly. "me, neither."

before I pull down his boxers, my eyes flick to his. "is this still okay?"

"Y/N," he groans. "if you don't do something, I'm gonna cum too early." he squeezes his eyes shut for a moment when my hand moves over his clothed erection, like he's holding on. "please."

"sorry." I release him from the confines. it hits his stomach and he waits for my reaction, as if he's afraid that I'll change my mind right now. but I'm definitely not going to. "holy fuck, Spencer."

"what?" he panics slightly, sitting up more. "is it not enough?"

"not enou--" I stutter, almost laugh. "no, it's plenty. I had no idea..."

"oh." he hides the pleased smile on his face, blush spreading over his pretty throat. in the interest of "expediting the process," I wrap my hand around the base of his cock and gently pump him.

Spencer's stomach tenses and he grabs onto the cushion of the couch with a tight fist, sighing.

"mmm..." he doesn't try to word his emotions, but I know. and I like that I'm making him feel this way, sharing this experience. Spencer and I are such close friends, I never thought we'd actually have sex. my assumption was that I'd watch him grow into himself, find a nice girl and treat her like a queen.

but here I am, spitting into my hand before jerking him off to prepare for what’s next. he’s throbbing, sounds coming from his throat.

"I'm gonna sit on it, okay?" I lean down to whisper in his ear. he touches my waist, my neck, kisses a random spot on my chest in the waves of pleasure that I'm giving him.

"o-okay." he mumbles, waiting for me to actually do it. and there's a moment of tense anticipation between both of us, when I sit up and pull my panties to the side. Spencer watches like I'm the only thing in the world, saving the memory of my body on top of his for later.

I run the head of his cock along my entrance, soaking him in the wetness between my thighs. I didn't realize how turned on I'd already gotten, and he lets out a quiet whine when he feels the evidence of how much I want him.

our eyes lock when I sink down. it's a new feeling for him, and the shape of his member as it stretches my walls causes me to bite my lip to withhold moaning too loudly. he whimpers, neck tensing and fingertips digging into my hips.

"o-oh." he sucks in a breath as I reach the halfway point. he's so big, I have to go slow in order not to overwhelm myself. but it feels good, too. like... unbelievably good. I grip onto his shoulders and my head falls forward into his shoulder.

"Spencer, holy shit." I moan.

"does it feel nice?" he asks, concerned for my own pleasure. I feel my chest flutter at the thoughtfulness of the boy wonder even when he's in the midst of losing his virginity, and I lower myself onto the rest of him.

"mhmm," I rest for a moment. "how do you feel?"

"like--" his breath hitches when I begin to rock back and forth on him. "like I've been missing out."

I can't help the giggle that slips past my lips, but then it quickly turns into a longing moan when he starts to thrust up into me like a helpless thing. Spencer is brilliant, but his brain cells go out the window when he throws his head back and begs me to move more.

I nod, raising and lowering myself until we reach a special pace. it's not fast or slow, just the two of us trying to stay in the moment while we hold on tightly to each other. I can feel the cool metal of his watch when he splays his hand out over my spine, the warmth of his breath while he pants against my shoulder.

he hits my g-spot over and over. my moans are torn from my throat by the burning of my lungs. it's like I can't breathe because I'm so focused on chasing the orgasm building in my stomach. and Spencer... I can tell he's almost finished.

the erratic nature of his jerking body tells me.

"I'm gonna cum..." he moans into my neck. "do- do you want me to pull out?"

"no." I arch my back and throw myself into the friction of our bodies. he stares up at me while I ride him, the merciless grinding of my hips because I just can't help myself. "oh my god, Spencer."

he notices how close I am and, in a surprisingly deft move, slides two fingers over my pussy to find my clit. the ensuing noise from me tells him that he's found it, and he begins to rub in quick circles. it's rough and hard, but that's exactly what I need right now.

"cum for me, Spence." I breathe. his free hand grips onto my thigh and pulls me over him, his own words unintelligible within the sounds of absolute pleasure.

"please." he begs for something I don't know, spills his seed inside of my pussy and holds onto me like I'm an anchor to this world while he peers into the next. the feeling of him spreading through my stomach, along with the reckless movements of his limbs and the way he looks at me while he rides out his orgasm, sends me over the edge.

"oh my fuck!" I collapse, grabbing his shoulders tightly and rolling myself down while he removes his fingers from my body. it's jarring, the intensity, like my normal functions can't respond correctly. all I can process is the tightening of my stomach, the pleasure between my legs, vision going slightly fuzzy at the edges. he moans when my cunt flutters around him, the muscles trying desperately to hold him here with me forever. I take deep breaths and slow down, my forehead dropping again while I start to remember my own name.

neither of us speaks. I think I'm still too in shock about what just happened, but in the best way. he keeps running his hands over my skin, then wraps his arms around my torso so that I'm pulled against his chest. I smile, kissing his ear before I finally break the silence.

"hi."

"hi." he's got a satisfied tone.

"do you need anything? water?" I ask, exhausted but realizing that this is still new for Spencer and it's my job to make sure he's as comfortable as possible. he nuzzles his nose into my clavicle and squeezes me tighter.

"stay here with me." there's a slight edge to his words. he's afraid of me leaving. I snuggle down, perfectly happy to remain. heat radiates from his skin, and I like the way it feels.

"of course."

we linger in each other’s arms, both of us coming back into the real world and holding on in an attempt to soften the blow. I just had sex with Spencer.

"thank you." he whispers into my hair.

"for what?" the smile on my face is lazy.

"for doing this."

"well, I really wanted to." I laugh. "so, I guess, thank you, too."

"you're quite welcome." his response is cheerful and then we're both laughing, the sound rumbling from his chest. "can we do it again at some point?"

"I would be happy to." I beam. the contented sigh that leaves his lips, followed by a slight sinking of our bodies down the couch in collective exhaustion, fills me with a joy that's quiet but obvious.

“I’ll last longer next time, I promise.” he says. I can practically hear the blush in his cheeks.

“you did amazing, Spence. don’t worry about it.” I press a few stray kisses to him.

I'll need to go clean up, soon, but it can wait a few more minutes. this is my favorite place on earth.

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #virgin spencer #reader x spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid one shot #baby spencer reid

[bigassheart]

I’ve seen a couple posts about how everyone was wildly out of character and totally inconsistent this season and I’m just like... were you guys paying attention? 

1. Luther

Arguably the biggest shift in character between the two seasons, but it makes sense. Luther spent a year fending for himself and thinking his entire family was dead. 

This is the first time in his life that he had to hold down a job and actually live on his own. It was literally his first time living out in the world among anyone other than his family, and you can see in his reactions with the other characters from that life (the boss, his landlord, those kids that idolize him, and the waitress) that it has really mellowed him out. It has allowed him to be more normal, despite being very much not normal. You can see the way he’s so much more comfortable in his skin. Literally the only times he looks uncomfortable is when he’s fighting people, shirt off and body on full display. He’s still not comfortable with that, but he’s not trying to hide under huge overcoats anymore. He has people in his life who accept him for being a little weird, but really do treat him normal. 

So is he a little less uptight and mission focused? Yeah. Because he can finally see another life, and it’s the life that he honestly did want in season 1 but felt like he couldn’t have because he was number 1 and he had a responsibility to his dad, his family, and the academy to be the leader. Having a year on his own frees him of all that. 

But he also spent all that time thinking his family was dead and feeling so guilty about it. You can see in his very first interaction with Vanya, where he suddenly feels that responsibility again. He brings a gun, not knowing what’s going to happen and, despite what he told Five, he absolutely does still have that lingering feeling of responsibility. But then he sees Vanya and she’s not a threat and everything he has been holding in for the last year comes out. Because he does feel guilty as hell for what he did to Vanya, but also for the fact that his actions pushed her into causing the apocalypse. He spent a year with the knowledge that he did that and thinking that his family was dead because of his actions. 

He’s willing to listen now because he spent a year living in a world where his actions killed his whole family. And now he finds out that that didn’t happen and he has a second chance. Of course he’s going to take it! 

2. Diego

In the first season, Diego finally admitted that he wanted to be close to his family and that he cared about them and wouldn’t leave them again. He confronted the guilt about leaving, which he had previously denied. He realized the difference between revenge and honoring someone’s memory. But despite all that, he never confronted the reason why he, a grown-ass-man, wandered around the city as a leather clad, mask wearing vigilante. 

So when we see Diego show up in 1963, that’s still who he is. He wants to be that hero and he finds an answer for how to be that hero in the first several minutes that he’s there. So he takes it. I mean, what else is he going to do? His family is gone. Maybe they’ll show up again. Maybe this is it. Either way, he’s on his own like he was before, so he’s got a duty to be the hero he has chosen to be. 

And then he meets his dad again. Everyone keeps telling him he has daddy issues, and they’re right. He absolutely has daddy issues. He’s still trying to simultaneously prove that he’s good enough for his dad, but also doesn’t need Daddy’s approval. Except he does need it. He still desperately craves it and he feels gutted when his dad denies him that approval, even falling back into the stutter he had as a kid. 

Now, despite the way we joke, Diego is not dumb. He is so observant and he makes some of the most poignant statements about his siblings and the way they see the world. He sees the people around them and he understands them, but he has never been able to completely turn that gift inwards and see those same things in himself. In this season, Lila breaks through all that and he finally sees himself in her at the end. 

“Do you know how hard it is to trust people when your whole childhood was bullshit manipulation? Then why would you do that to me?”  

Diego sees himself in Lila, in her failure to break away from her mother despite the fact that he knows she wants to. In the final episode, he sees that she is just like the rest of the siblings, but she doesn’t have to be. None of them have to be stuck with their daddy issues, because they have each other. They can support and care for each other. It’s the last step of the growth he started in season 1, moving beyond his tendency to define his life and his family through their father. 

3. Allison

Throughout season 1, Allison struggled with whether or not to use her powers, but it was all centered around getting back to her daughter. When she appears in 1961, that motivation is effectively removed. She thinks everyone else is dead. She thinks that she is stranded in the past and that she will never get back. She finds a group of people to support her and before long... she finds her voice again. 

It’s no coincidence that Allison’s first spoken words in the series come right after she gives Ray that pamphlet with a bunch of added notes. She finds her voice in the civil rights movement. She finds her power there. She finds a way to help change the world, to change reality, and she does it without her powers. 

This is something she struggled with through the entirety of season 1, feeling inadequate for using her powers to get what she wanted, not knowing if anything was real or earned. Now she has the chance to earn everything without those powers and she is thriving. 

And then she is forced to use her powers again. It all turns out fine, but now she’s showing off and experiencing all over again how good it feels to have power. She spent two years in a world where she was denied equal treatment, where she could be arrested and assaulted for any reason those with more power came up with. And now she feels that power... She doesn’t have to wait for people to give her respect. She can demand it. But the pain is still there, and it’s not enough to just be respected, because these people have hurt her. They almost killed her husband. They have used their power to cause pain to her and all those who look like her time and time again and now it’s time to understand what it’s like to be powerless, to be hurt and to be unable to stop it and... 

And it’s scary. It’s scary to have that much power, to see how you could become the kind of person who uses your power to hurt others. And she knows that her power has hurt people she loves and suddenly she’s right back where she started. 

Only not entirely. 

She doesn’t shy away from her powers in the final fight. She is obviously still finding that balance and I would expect this struggle to continue for her in future seasons. Power can be addicting and Allison’s power is so strong. She knows the danger there, but she also knows that sometimes it’s needed despite the danger. 

4. Klaus

Klaus is an addict. He finds obsessions to bury himself in to avoid dealing with reality. In season 1, he buried himself in drugs and booze. When he shows up in the 60′s, he finds a new drug to bury himself in: adoration. 

Klaus is so impulsive and it’s not difficult to connect the dots of how one thing leads to another until suddenly everything is out of his control. Honestly, that’s the story of Klaus’s life, no matter where he goes. And then something changes. He gets tired of his cult and leaves. Except... that’s not really the reason. 

After all this time, Dave is still the love of his life, and he knows he has an opportunity. He knows where Dave will be at this one time and he knows exactly what he has to change to keep Dave alive. 

He also knows that Ben is going to have thoughts about this. 

I know some people were disappointed that there wasn’t more Klaus and Ben bonding this season, but it makes sense that there is tension there. I think a lot of that tension comes from Ben’s circumstances, which I’ll discuss later, but Klaus is also not responding to that tension well. 

They are fighting more than ever (not that they ever didn’t fight in season 1, where they spent much of their time being snarky to each other and Ben literally punching Klaus in the face for being an asshole), but the fighting is about something new this season. Ben wants his own life and Klaus is not in a position to give Ben what he really wants. We also learn that he has been carrying around this guilt for the last 17 years about forcing Ben to stick around as a ghost. He forced this half-life on his brother and now that it’s not enough for Ben, Klaus doesn’t want to deal with it. So he avoids and deflects and snarks and we see the toll on their relationship. We see it in the way he tries to deal with his plans around Dave entirely on his own. He focuses so much into that last ditch effort. He’s already in such a low place before this, so when that fails, we see him snap. We see him give up and crumble. And Ben falls back to his old role, trying to save Klaus from himself. 

But the tension isn’t gone and Klaus’s guilt isn’t gone. We see it again when Klaus finally agrees to let Ben possess him. Klaus has always been afraid of his powers and being possessed is just as terrifying a thought as being surrounded by the dead. And yet he gives Ben that chance. It’s the last good thing he can do at that point. 

I do wish we had gotten more closure for Klaus and Ben’s story. I think Vanya’s reveal could have been given a little more time, but that’s not really a problem with inconsistent characterization, so we’ll save that for another post. 

5. Five

OK, who would argue that Five was out of character or inconsistent? He’s obsessed with stopping the apocalypse, is willing to cross a lot of lines to save his family, and constantly frustrated by his family’s failure to go along with his plans. This is textbook Five. 

What I loved about this season was that we got to see Five finally meeting his father again. They interact as two adults, not as a child trying to find away to become his own person, frustrated by a lack of trust from his father. It allows Reggie to see Five in a different light and to actually provide advice in a constructive way, something he has almost never been able to do when viewing them as his children. But despite outward appearances and despite the fact that Five is a grown man, he still sees his father the same way he always has. He doesn’t register Reggie’s advice as advice. He hears that he’s striving beyond his abilities and that maybe he can only travel in seconds. He hears his father telling him he can’t handle time travel. That’s why he doesn’t try to actually take the very good advice until the very end.  

An old dog can still occasionally learn a new trick and Five proves that true. 

6. Ben

As I mentioned earlier, Ben is chaffing at his ghosthood. Maybe it’s because Klaus has been sober enough to keep Ben around solidly for 3 years. Maybe it’s because Ben is no longer spending all his time trying to keep Klaus alive and sober. Or maybe it’s the fact that he has finally found someone that he actually wants to spend time with. Whatever the reason, Ben wants to be alive this season. 

Again, as I mentioned, that’s causing some tension. Ben doesn’t want to be tied to Klaus, but Klaus is ignoring that because he feels so guilty about it. Ben doesn’t want to admit that he was too scared to go into the light on his own, so they’re at a bit of a standstill. 

And then Ben gets the opportunity to be alive again, if only for a while. And in a lot of ways, it’s wonderful! But it’s not the same as being truly alive. 

So when the time comes, when he’s faced with that light again... he’s not afraid. He knows that it’s time to move on. He knows this isn’t where he should be, but he also got the chance to be there for his family. He misses them, but he got to talk to Diego and Vanya. He got to save Vanya. He got to save Allison and Diego and Klaus and Luther and Five and the whole world! So while he would have stayed, he’s not sad about leaving anymore, and he’s not afraid. 

7. Vanya

OK, she was a little out of character because... you know. She had amnesia. 

But aside from erasing her past, the amnesia allowed us to see Vanya without the anger and resentment that plagued her for all of season one. Vanya was always someone who was kind and loving, someone who cares enough to leave peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches out for a missing brother for years. Someone who knows the pain of not being seen and who will always take the time to truly see other people. She’s someone who wants to love and to be loved and to protect those she loves. 

That was all here, with or without the memories. And as soon as the memories came back, so did the guilt and fear about what she had done, what she had become, terrified of what was inside her in a way that she was not when her powers first surfaced. But Ben is used to being afraid of what’s inside of him. He knows she’s not a monster and is the perfect person to explain that to her. And this time around, she has experienced the love and care and attention of her siblings (and Sissy) to back up those words. That’s how she finally accepts them as truth, how she finally accepts her power as a part of her. 

Overall, there are things that I wish this season spent more time with, but there was nothing that I felt was out of character or wildly inconsistent. The characters still struggled with all the baggage from their shitty childhood, their fear of their powers, and the guilt in their past. Some struggled in new ways this season and some continued old struggles that had never fully been resolved. The season felt very different than the first, but it still felt like the Umbrella Academy. It was a good mix of new and old and a good mix of feel-good moments we have all been waiting for and frustrating and sad moments that just come with having a complicated family. I loved this season. And now, I’m going to go re-watch every episode. 

#tua s2 spoilers #tua season 2 #tua analysis #The Umbrella Academy #tua #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #alison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves