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crumbleclub · 10 months

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michael: do i really have trauma, though?

jeremy: dude. your dad is literally a serial killer

michael: yeah, but he didn't serial kill me

#fnaf #michael afton #jeremy fitzgerald #this is me projecting. aside from the serial killer relative bit #i want to do more denial and minimizing his own trauma michael #it's interesting #plus i think he does repress a lot #there might be periods of time where he doesn't remember that william ever hit him #and he's like 'well. at least he wasn't PHYSICALLY abusive'#and someone who knew him as a kid has to literally fucking remind him that he WAS #also saffron mike just bc of how severe evan's trauma is #might have periods where he's like. my childhood was basically fine. right?#until something comes up that he endured and even evan is like 'that must've sucked'#and mike is like???? YOU WERE BASICALLY NATASHA ROMANOFF'D WTF DO YOU M E A N

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ambrosiagourmet · 3 months

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Rin Dungeon Meshi I love you... I’m sorry you don’t get more time in the spotlight but you will always be famous to meeee

#god her character bio + comic in the world guide truly just wrecks me #she cares SO much & she’s been thru so much…. I feel like she could have such an interesting dynamic w/ the main cast #not that this is entirely my point but like also Marcille/Rin could fuck so severely. the things they’d have to get over #to understand each other… it could be so good #but yeah we love a repressed character with trauma and a huge heart #….. Falin 2 LOL. except like opposite outer personalities. man. Falin/Rin also very good huh #her and Kabru should just start up the first greater Merini polycule

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summerdreamof2009 · 3 months

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TRIGGER WARNING: CSA, CHILD ABUSE, RAMCOA??

So my mother used to have me act like a dog for periods of time. Putting me on a leash, giving me a shock collar of some kind and punishing me with it if i refused sexual advances from her, making me eat and sit on the floor like a dog, she would do this for a few months then randomly stop. She usually did this over summer break or over winter break. This all happened when I was in pre-school and elementary school. I am struggling to believe in these memories as I am slowly slipping into denial I just can’t believe my mother could be so evil. My mother has ASPD/NPD/Schizophrenia diagnosed I can’t imagine that most of what she did was when she was psychotic like my therapists have suggested in the past, it’s just too organized and calculated to be from someone in full blown psychosis. How can someone be so evil to there own child that they had from an affair is that why she did this to me?? I can’t believe she hated me so much she’d rather abuse me than just abort me

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solittles · 3 months

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thinks about dave k's bad take on hickey n his potential personality disorder. gets upset again .

#he literally says “idk enough abt pds to have a proper take” and then proceeds to have a horrific take #“sorry everyone who studies psychology”#apologising to psych students but not to the ppl with pds listening who u keep harming with your horrible take? great #not that we were ever considered human to begin with (which dave k proves as he keeps talking abt hickey)#anyway my hot and correct take is that hickey has bpd.#no he doesnt have npd or aspd.#everyone is always like evil = npd/aspd #or worse. calls them emotionless & low empathy and psychopaths #psychopathy isnt a diagnosis. having low empathy/few emotions =/= evil or inhuman #also like. dave talks about how hickey would use his hyper vigilance to be a better manipulator #i love how everyone seems to forget that the symptoms ppl with pds have isn't something we choose or can use. it's just the way we are #because of severe childhood trauma.....#but nooo lets not talk about pds being trauma disorders because then u would have to consider us human beings who have hurt #and keeps hurting #he also says that hes not sure hickey can feel real emotions. adjacent to saying he may have a pd.#as if not a lot of suffering from having pds comes from how we can't handle how intense our emotions are in relation to society #so we end up repressing every emotion to survive the day. because if we allow ourselves to feel #we'll end up hurt again #anyway #bpd hickey truther 4ever #elliot screams

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sassenach082 · 1 year

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I think your take on Tom’s relation with his dad is my favorite. I love how complicated you made it. We can’t just outright say that he’s a bad guy because he’s not. He just doesn’t know how to show that he loves Tom. On the other hand, Tom is justified in hating his dad because his dad has never showed him that he loves him. Bill getting Tom transferred is proof that he was worried for his safety. I also love how you gave Tom’s siblings a different relationship with their dad. It’s made the whole thing more complex and it feels real. I love the way you’ve built this world and I can’t wait to see what comes next!

Thanks nonnie ❤️❤️ Bill definitely isn't a "villain" he's just a dad (traumatized by war) doing his best but messing up left, right, and center and too stubborn to realize it or acknowledge it versus his equally stubborn offspring who would rather chop off his left arm than ask for validation.

I tried to keep the family dynamics believable. Let's be real — families are complicated!! Relationships are complicated!! ALL relationships: familial, friend, romantic, etc. Nobody is perfect, everyone messes up, you can love people a million different ways and be loved by them a million ways more. You can mess up and hurt people in just as many ways, too.

It's been a labor of love so I appreciate you acknowledging the hard work that goes into it!

#sassy answers asks #i'll ride au #i'll ride kazansky family #ngl tom and bill's relationship is based JUST a little on my dad and his dad #my grandpa didn't tell my dad he loved him verbally until my dad was in his 20s #It Simply Wasn't Done Back Then #especially in military families (like mine)#which is fucked up in more ways than one but let's not get into THAT #many men from the 40s were seriously emotionally repressed is what I'm saying #(which led to my dad telling my sister and I several times a day that he loved us)#(look at him breaking the cycle of trauma)#(but I digress)

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bonetrousledbones · 1 year

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out of all your dudes who is your favorite. just in general

russ definitely but fluff is a close second tbh,, russ is forever The Guy but fluff's arc is so fucked in a super awesome way i think

however i will confess that in my non-atbb aus it fluctuates insane style, currently it is that immortal papyrus i posted about like once

#trousled rambles #4 months ago #atbb #the immortal papyrus got turned into a lesbian cowboy but the papyrus one still remains and has been getting steadily developed #maybe one day i'll actually officially post him lmao #basic idea is that what if papyrus wouldn't be so confident about how anyone can be a good person if he hadn't experienced it himself #and yknow give or take 20 years of managing to find himself and grow from past experiences/repressed trauma without any help whatsoever #because just seeing the guy he basically adopted as a brother get a doctorate was already hard enough he doesnt need more doctors thanks #ahem anyway my favorite Guys are the undertale paps with severe trauma thats all NEXT

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wayfaringauthorofficial · 1 year

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Your eyes glaze over as you settle back into the sheets. Another normal day. But it felt different, almost wrong. Unsettled, you pull the covers up to your chin and hum lullabies from another life under your breath. Anything to stop the memories from flooding your mind, threatening to take you down as each one crashes down on the shore.

In that house on the other side of town, you memorized footsteps and the groan of garage doors. How odd it is now to be away from all that, in a different house with different people. You trap yourself in a constant state of questions, anxiety. You don’t know how to live now that you’re free.

-Prison break.

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youngpettyqueen · 1 year

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[ignoring the mountain of WIPs he already has] what if I rewrote Bless You, Hawkeye

#mash #just finished s9 which means I just watched this one again #I think like this episode more than most do but its still not my fav #so what if I simply. rewrote it #idk I like that this episode establishes that Hawkeye will repress and alter memories to cope with trauma #I think it's a very interesting coping mechanism to attach to him because we know how scared he is of his body/mind turning against him #see Hawk's Nightmare #I also like the psychosomatic illness element of it because. hey I do that #but I wish the overall episode was just. better #I might come back to this with my thoughts on how I'd rewrite it #I have several

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rainbowguillotine · 2 years

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what do they say abt men with one arm tattoo? need 2kno cause it might apply to my own dad

there's a tumblr post that became a meme about how men with one (arm) tattoo are 1) bisexual 2) irreparably fucked up in some way or both :)

#bonus points if that One Tattoo is of the mark of Cain #which is both a biblical and Supernatural reference #Dean Winchester at some point bears the mark of cain and becomes filled with bloodlust i think??#anyway. there are dudes out there who either relate to dean specifically or get the tattoo for the biblical reference #which is: the firstborn son of adam and eve in catholicism/christianity (cain) was the first murderer #he killed his own brother in a rage and lied to god about it #oh and if u wanna go even deeper #apparently mormons believe that bigfoot is Cain #and that he's destined to be a soulless creature for all eternity bc of what he did #so like. there's this (mostly white) western-religious subtext behind it as well???#which is accompanied by (religious) trauma and severe repression among other things #american religion/pop culture is weird man.#writing out these tags makes me wanna go outside and touch grass but Alas.#it's almost 2am and 39degrees Fahrenheit #the worms are eating my brain it seems.#Asks

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fecto-forgo · 1 year

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funny how in a rewrite where lucy and renfield have "metaphorical" hypersexuality (its just normal hypersexuality but in vampire context tbh lmao) seward is still way more down bad for everyone ever than theyll ever be

#who would win severe trauma reaction from two different contexts together or guy whos just that repressed #analiceoriginal.txt

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dbphantom · 2 years

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I'm going to fucking throw up from laughing so hard at this

The duality of man.

#Fuck it we ball #I might honestly be sick from all the crying hence the nausea but this certainly isn't helping Lmfao #I'm for sure so overtired my brain int overflowed its depression into laughing at every stupid thing I see #Just to be clear this is my own writing I'm allowed to make fun of it #Something something hurting myself before anyone else can something something #H2O au #It's going down in funky town #Uhhh I finally got to the brotherhood anime part and it still bothers me that they all watched Noct get yeeted off a cliff and nobody went-#'yeah we should probably uh do something about that before he drowns'#So I fixed it #And by fixed it I mean made it 10x worse #Marilith snake lady?? Also scaly and has no legs :) it would be a shame if someone were to hallucinate from oxygen deprivation :) kill me #Noct using his trauma to give other people trauma it's all in good fun or whatever #Just boys being boys #6 chapters later and Gladio is the one who has to unpack this because everyone else in this party is severely emotionally repressed #Gladio is the only emotionally healthy person here. God help him he's going to fucking need it #Which is such a fun spin on the tough guy trope #Because like. Looking at all them you'd think it's Prompto? Being the 'cheerful one' trope. But Prompto is Prompto.#Noct is just straight up depressed and I felt that dude #Ignis hasn't been allowed to feel anything since he was 7 lest he accidentally boil somebody alive #Which leaves Gladio. Good luck dude. You are going to need it.#H2O au? More like Gladio moonlights as a therapist au #Cruddy rambles

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enok1 · 20 days

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I'm beginning to question my intentions for not seeking therapy anymore... <3

#Perhaps I just haven't had a therapist I've liked.#But moreso I think that maybe I am far too uncomfortable staring into deep rooted trauma that I would much rather repress and move on with #When I really should be working on ways to move past it. As opposed to walking alongside it. Or perhaps even behind it.#Combined with the.. Severe isolation and autism. I think it makes for very difficult sessions and I end up thinking that I'm wasting–#– both of our times. I'm not sure what I'll do yet. I'm also just very bad at expressing myself verbally.#I'll figure it out eventually.

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erythristicbones · 1 year

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half dozed off on the couch while thinking about an OC and just......dreaming up a scene/arc resolution that theoretically fits well but dear god would it be heavy to work with

#gonna throw this in the related oc tags #os: sideshow #oc: tyreen march #and then do...okay not gonna go in huge detail but i think a trigger tag is important #suicide ment tw #anyways #been pondering tyreen getting a dlc arc in sideshow as ive mentioned several times for awhile but never found #a resolution that i liked and am still not sure if i can handle writing the beginning #but...yeah. sideshow is very heavily about mental health and recovery. thats the whole theme of the game #so this idea i dreamed up. ty struggling so hard to deal w her past and ultimately making an attempt on her life #would Technically fit. it feels like it would be a logical progression of what kickstarts her arc #and she is absolutely saved in time. saved in enough time that very minimal damage is done at all #but uh! as someone who has lived thru two attempts of my own idk if i can handle writing that #like even shaking myself awake after it i lowkey feel nauseous #things to ponder i guess?#bc in theory it might help me work thru the emotions ive definitely been repressing about my own attempts #but there's also the very real chance that i could trigger a p bad disassociative episode if it gets too real #things to bring up to my therapist like 'hey do you think this is the right time to address this particular trauma? am i doing good rn?'

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secretmellowblog · 6 months

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Another reason I dislike Les Mis adaptations that make Jean Valjean constantly openly angry/violent is because they miss that Jean Valjean is not allowed to be angry. The fact he is forbidden from expressing anger is, I argue, actually a very important part of his character in the novel!

One of the subtler political messages of the story is that some people are given freedom to express anger, while others are forced to be excessively meek and conciliatory in order to survive.

Wealthy conservatives like Monsieur Gillenormand can “fly into rages” every five minutes and have it treated as an endearing quirk. Poor characters like Fantine or Jean Valjean must be constantly polite and ingratiating to “their superiors” at all times, even in the face of mockery and violence, or else they will be subjected to punishment. If Gillenormand beats his child with a stick, it’s a silly quirk; if Fantine beats a man harassing her, she is sentenced to months in prison.

(Thenardier and Javert are interesting examples of this too. Thenardier acts superficially polite and ingratiating to his wealthy “superiors” while insulting them behind their backs. Javert, meanwhile, is completely earnest in his mindless bootlicking. But I could write an entire other post on this.)

The point is that….Jean Valjean has to be submissive and self-effacing, or he puts himself in danger. He can’t afford to be angry and make scenes, or he will be punished. The only barrier between himself and prison is his ability to be so “courteous” that no one bothers to pry into his past.

Jean Valjean is excessively polite to people, in the way that you’re excessively polite to an armed cop who pulls you over for speeding when you secretly have a few illegal grams of marijuana in the your car trunk. XD It’s politeness built on fear, is what I mean. It’s politeness built on a desperation to make a powerful person avoid looking too closely at you.

It’s politeness at gunpoint.

Jean Valjean has also spent nineteen years living in an environment where any expression of anger could be punished with severe violence. That trauma is reflected in the overly cautious reserved way he often speaks with people (even people who are kind and would never actually hurt him.)

So adaptations that have Jean Valjean boldly having shouting matches with people in public and beating cops half to death without worrying about the repercussions just make go like “???”

Because that’s part of what’s fascinating about Jean Valjean to me? On one hand, he is a genuinely kind compassionate person, who cares deeply about other people and behaves kindly out of altruism. But on the other hand, he was also “beaten into submission” by prison, and forced into adopting conciliatory bootlicking behaviors in order to survive. And it can sometimes be hard to tell when he is being kind vs. when he is being “polite” — when he is speaking and acting out of earnest compassion vs. when he is speaking and acting out of fear.

The TL;DR is that I think it’s important that even though Jean Valjean is very (justifiably) angry about the injustice that was inflicted on him, his anger is harshly policed at all times— by other people, and by himself. He has been told his anger is wrong/selfish so often that he believes it. His anger takes weirder more unhealthy forms because he has no safe outlet for it. His rage at society becomes a possessiveness towards Cosette and silent hatred of Marius, but primarily it becomes useless self-destructive constant hatred of himself. And while I might be phrasing this wrong, I think that’s what’s interesting about Jean Valjean’s relationship with anger— the way his justified fury at his own mistreatment gets warped into more and more unhealthy forms by the way he’s forced to constantly repress it.

#les mis #les mis letters #jean valjean #don’t mind me just Valjeanposting #you know I’m doing okay when I’m Valjeanposting #but yeah I can’t remember the first person who started talking about this concept with me #(it was years ago)#but now I think about it constantly #when you read the book looking through that lens #of certain charcaters being forced to act conciliatory and polite ‘under threat of violence’#you notice it constantly #it’s such a running Thing #and you could write tons of posts about it on www.tumblr.com

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trailingoff · 9 months

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Aziraphale’s religious trauma

I’m sure others have discussed this in a lot of depth, but I can’t help throwing my hat in the ring. Aziraphale has major religious trauma after spending his entire very long existence as a member of a cult. If you’ve never experienced what it’s like to be indoctrinated into a religion, then it might be very hard to understand why he behaves the way he does, so I’ll try to lay it out for you.

Anyone who was raised from early childhood to believe that an all-powerful being is watching them as though they’re in a panopticon (a jail where prisoners are watched by authorities at random moments) and will severely punish them and/or their loved ones if anyone steps out of line (or just on a whim or based on a bet with Satan) either has experienced religious trauma or has somehow avoided it, perhaps through repression or retreating into themselves and managing to ignore what the adults were telling them. Another way to avoid the trauma is to continue to believe that the cult is ‘good’ and that those outside it are ‘bad’ and should seek redemption, forgiveness and salvation.

Not only does Aziraphale have this trauma, but it’s also based on reality in the GO universe. I was able to live with mine by realising that there is no empirical evidence for religious beliefs, by studying philosophy, by having therapy, and by reflecting on it for years. The trauma can still be triggered in me, leading to panic that God might be watching and judging me, and that an afterlife might exist, but luckily I’m now able to move through the panic relatively quickly. Aziraphale can’t do any of this because the beliefs of his cult are all too real. There really is a massively powerful (hopefully not all-powerful, but he believes she is) being who watches and judges him and everyone else at random moments. She has either directly ordered her angels to slaughter babies and children or has stood by and watched them do it. She has severely punished someone Aziraphale cares about, Crowley, who from that moment has been in a situation where he continues to be tortured by his fellow demons with no intervention from God and who simultaneously risks being destroyed by demons, by angels, by humans wielding sacred weapons (e.g. holy water) or by his own hand.

And so Aziraphale suffers from both religious trauma and the trauma of living under a real authoritarian dictatorship. This dictatorship is seemingly unbeatable and eternal, and it possesses weapons more powerful than the biggest nuclear weapons, more powerful than the sun, really more powerful than anything we humans can imagine.

Thousands of years ago, Crowley was kicked out in an extremely painful way, and he suffers his own trauma from that. He clearly doesn’t want Aziraphale to go through all of that, yet he wants Aziraphale to join him on ‘their own side’. At the end of the previous season, I thought Aziraphale was all in. I was happy to leave it at that ... even though it isn’t a realistic depiction of someone dealing with the particular types of trauma that Aziraphale has experienced and continues to experience.

Aziraphale and Crowley are still in constant grave danger, and they’re still living in God’s panopticon. That can’t just be hand-waved away. As we’ve seen this season, at any moment their fragile peace can be disrupted by a situation that puts them in danger of being harmed to the extent of being wiped from existence. They can’t actually just go to Alpha Centauri and it will all be cool. (And what would they do there for eternity anyway ...?) But yeah there is no way to escape from God, nowhere in the universe that God isn’t capable of supervising -- that’s real, not something Aziraphale merely has faith in, as humans understand belief in God. Aziraphale isn’t the equivalent of a human priest or a theologian or a cult member: he is a supernatural being created by a much more powerful supernatural being.

Perhaps there are only two ways for Aziraphale to deal with his trauma: 1) He realises that God and the Heavenly Host can be defeated. 2) He realises that they can be permanently altered in a positive way.

At the end of season two, Aziraphale seems to believe he is being given the opportunity to bring about option 2. We don’t know if he has a plan or a vision for this, but for the first time he thinks he has a chance. Perhaps best of all, he has the opportunity to protect Crowley -- permanently! Imagine how anxious Aziraphale must have been, for thousands of years, that Crowley would be destroyed. It could have happened at any time, near or far from Aziraphale. Crowley faces dangers on all sides and also does foolish (from Aziraphale’s perspective) things like good deeds under the influence of laudanum and a heist so he can handle holy water. Crowley breaks and bends rules in ways that could kill him: Aziraphale isn’t catastrophising. This isn’t the same as a religious loved one telling you that you’re going to hell for sinning. Crowley has already been tortured in hell, and he could be tortured there forever, or he could be turned into an oily black puddle, or removed from the book of life etc etc.

What Aziraphale doesn’t understand yet is that Crowley can’t be an angel again and still be the Crowley that Aziraphale loves. He also doesn’t see Crowley as an equal. If they’re going to take on heaven and bring down God’s dictatorship, they are going to have to do it as Aziraphale and Crowley, working in partnership, wielding the immense power of their love.

#good omens #good omens spoilers #aziraphale #crowley #religious trauma

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sneakerdoodle · 8 months

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what i expected more people to talk about with Mentopolis is how it represents trauma. how Conrad hangs onto a core, defining memory that dwells in the depth of the subconscious (he lives in the Red District!), how that traumatic experience became internalized in a way that is very directly implied to have affected Elias' behaviour and personal choices throughout his entire adult life; how Elias himself literally does not have the memory of it, and the part of his consciousness that holds it is singled out and sectioned off and isolated, and forever stunted in its development. how Conrad holds the memory, and that's why the voice of conscience is so rarely accessed - because to come into contact with it would be to come into contact with the memory, and that would be excruciating, and so Conrad is neglected and forgotten because Elias cannot have one without the other. something so deeply poignant about a profound experience unconsciously influencing the way Elias moves through life, without him even being consciously aware of it, and without the option to safely reflect back on it

and then the lose-lose of a traumatic response, how the severing of his conscience was an expression of a self-protective instinct: get rid of this, don't act like this and you will be safe from experiencing such pain again. and holding the memory is part of hurting, and so repressing it is part of the self-preserving urge - but this unconscious choice, made by Elias as a hurt, scared child, led him to shut out an entire function of his conscious. how, in a way, his very employment choice could be considered reckless. how our responses to trauma, in a desperate attempt to keep us safe after a harrowing, incomprehensible event, often only expose us to more danger, with no option to escape it as we are unable to process the root of it and we're only 2 freakin episodes in

#dimension 20 #mentopolis #d20 mentopolis #trauma tw

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