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#the typos here are killing me!
inkskinned · 9 months
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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missazura · 11 hours
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I'm at the brink of a suicidal breakdown. I've been waiting to get my paycheck from an illustration job I've done last October 2023, I did ask them about it and said that I would get paid on the 27th. It's the 28th and I still don't see any updates on my end. I've gotten my hopes up for so long, every month since and I've burnt the fuck out from waiting.
I've been refraining myself from eating and buy myself stuff like food and toiletries and I've completely ran out of money to survive. I wish i could accept commissions but I haven't been doing great mental and physical wise and I don't have the means to draw other than a few sketches to cheer myself up. I'm completely burnt out.
If you could help spread this around I would appreciate it, every bit helps at least to cover my necessities for a while until I hope to eventually get paid
I'm sorry for asking for donations so frequently I just can't hold on for much longer in this state
Donations and reblogs are appreciated, thank you
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badolmen · 2 years
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Saw a post making fun of Asexuals in the year of our Good Vibes 2022 so a reminder:
The A stands for the Asexual community and spectrum (it also represents the Aromantic and Agender communities but I’m Asexual so I’ll be talking about that specifically in this post)
Celibacy is a choice to abstain from sex. Asexuality is a sexuality defined by a lack of sexual attraction to anyone, not by the choice to abstain from sex.
Every asexual person has different feelings on sex (an activity, not an attraction) - some are sex repulsed, some are sex neutral, and some are sex favorable. A physically pleasurable experience is not equal to an attraction to parties involved.
The Asexual community has been around since the dawn of the Queer liberation movement, and Asexual individuals have always existed.
Aphobia is real and has done tangible harm to Asexual people. Listen to and learn from their experiences.
If you make fun of Asexuals and their community jokes (dragons/cakes/cards) you are Aphobic. If you’re Asexual and you make fun of these aspects of your own community or consider them ‘cringe’ you have internalized Aphobia.
Sometimes teenagers and young people will identify as Asexual and change their label later in life. This does not mean that all young people who identify as Asexual will change their minds, nor does it mean that all people who identify as Asexual are young.
Seriously what do you people have against the dragons and cake jokes those are classic and hilarious please deconstruct why you have so much rage for harmless jokes that’s not a healthy response to silliness.
Anyways reblog this post if you’re Asexual, support Asexuals, or really want a dragon.
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albaharu · 5 months
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Choose your Mission Part 4
Masterlist ; Part 1 ; Part 2 ; Part 3
You are in a thought spot. Not all is lost, but it's very likely one of you won't survive this.
Good luck.
The 8bit theme was done by this youtube user years ago, give them a like!
The game is done with RPG Maker VX Ace. Most of it is either the default tilesets or made by this user: https://forums.rpgmakerweb.com/index.php?threads/candacis-resources.19694/
Also depending on the last poll results this one would be more or less difficult, but I won't say what level of difficulty was each one except maybe at the end.
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silenthillbunni · 22 days
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🧸🧃⛈️
#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset#bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard#nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc#nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time#in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me#(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply#also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T#i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol#i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot#why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days#many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk#but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie#yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it#hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours#then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do
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podcastdyke · 2 years
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Pinching their cheeks and giving them a billion hugs rn
[photo id: a drawing of Terry jr., Nick, Grant, Lark and Sparrow as kids from the podcast Dungeons And Daddies, end id]
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ghostboyjules · 1 year
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It appears the last two (2)….times I’ve tried creating this post, tumblr thought I was too wordy, so I’m going to attempt to get in and get out before it eats itself again
this playlist (a Dream of the Endless™ character examination via my silly brain and sad ass music) took me entirely too long and I'm going to throw my laptop out of the window if I have to look at it any longer so pls pls take it and I hope that if you listen or even read the lyrics that you find something new, or hear something you like.
This absolutely would not have ever seen the light of tunglr.hell if not for the beautiful souls of the Sandman fandom, and a few of my new friends and mutuals. So special internet cookies and hugs to these inspirational, encouraging, and beyond talented individuals; @wordsinhaled , @weirdfishy , @wizardofgoodfortune , and @xx-vergil-xx - i love y'all dearly and I hope this is even HALF of what you would have expected, or a quarter of the amazing content y'all have bestowed upon my lil eyeballs. Now Onward! to words that personally injure me!
Florence + The Machine -Too Much Is Never Enough
And the crown, it weighs heavy 'Til it's banging on my eyelids Retreating in covers and closing the curtains One thing's for certain, oh A year like this passes so strangely Somewhere between sorrow and bliss
Oh, who decides from where up high? I couldn't say "I need more time" Oh, grant that I can stay the night Or one more day inside this life
~I first encountered this song in it's source material FFXV, and there it destroyed me. Now, wearing my dumb lil blorbo glasses yet again, it is back with vengeance..goth royalty sad wet cat flavored (gross), vengeance. "too much is never enough" .... oh sweeties...
VIRA - God Complex
God, I could try To be the one To be the one I'll tear down the sky What do you want? I'll do it all for life My love, my alibi Tonight, tonight I'll try to do it for you
I'm gonna be where you are Doesn't matter how far Because we are meant to be I'm gonna be what you need Darling, please worship me Unless you prefer to plead
~pretty sure this is the angriest sounding song on this thing? but it is fitting.. and desperate.. and wanting and... painful. when she grits out 'try' and 'sky' the way she does.. god the emotion. this just brought to mind Dream and falling for someone hard enough to the point of destructive devotion...
AJJ - Body Terror Song
It will betray you Be used against you Then it will fail on you, my dear But before that, you'll be a doormat For every vicious narcissist in the world Oh, how they'll screw you all up and over Then feed you silence for dessert
~ I love seeing people explore the idea of Dream just...not vibing with being fully corporeal. At least not in the way he is while in the Waking.. what a mood, and especially after the fishbowl...whew.
Philip Wesley - Lamentations of the Heart
[Instrumental~]
~I wanted to include a few instrumental tracks in here and this one felt apt because I used to fall asleep to this album all the time. Like it was one of the only ones I could fall asleep to with any certainty. The feeling and title for this one tho struck me with Dream specifically so I went with it. The rest of the album is so nice though, highly rec.
Iris Lune - Paper Mache
Save me from myself I've been in the dark too long Paper mache love Make me believe that I can change Make me believe that I'm not strange At all
~ this song!! it sounds so so ethereal and her voice is GORGEOUS but the lyrics!! have mercy the lyrics! big ole owwie! "save me from myself" , "make me believe that I can change, make me believe that I'm not strange" hhhh (also if y'all couldn't tell, this will be dreamling flavored, I think I'll tag them too jic but. yes...)
Penny and Sparrow - A Kind of Hunger
tremble, recognize the distance Go try and murder every preference I’ll keep hangin' ‘round for reference come care about me come care about me
changing, watching you with wonder you’re less and getting even younger dying is just a kind of hunger come care about Me come care about Me
~this is... such a heavy song. hadn't heard it before starting this playlist but found it and immediately had to add it.. just. come care about me. changing, watching you with wonder. Dying is just a kind of hunger. that line specifically. -lays on the floor for 3hrs-
Carly Rae Jepsen - Gimme Love
Gimmie love (Oh) It's the way we are together (Oh) Wanna feel like this forever, forever (Oh) It's the way we are together And I never thought I'd ever say forever
~originally was gonna be a joke song to lighten the mood but haha! nope! I mean it is lighthearted but it still absolutely, in my mind, fits Morpheus. beautiful babygirl of the endless...smooch
Jon Bellion - Stupid Deep (Acoustic)
What if who I hoped to be was always me? And the love I fought to feel was always free? What if all the things I've done Were just attempts at earning love? Yeah 'Cause the hole inside my heart is stupid deep, oh, stupid deep
~this song fucks me up! 😀 for real though, I highly suggest watching the acoustic performance of this that he has on youtube cause the vibe is so.. intimate and dreamy and gorgeous.. and the lyrics.. jon bellion, sir.. smh.. the ending..
Marika Hackman - Undone, Undress
They heard my heart for miles The air inside Was seeping out In silent shouts It crumpled in my chest
~this is definitely... a nightmarish..creeping kind of song, and the lyrics are, according to the Genius annotations, rather distressing but I don't really see them the same way. I can't really explain it but hopefully y'all will see what I mean. love this one specifically "Load me heavy, I can't bend. Break me better, so I won't mend" break me better.... hhhhhh
DBMK - Switchblade
Did you hear I coughed my heart out? It never fit me so I'm likely to drown My body yearns for something real now Suggesting kitchen counters, can openers, and close encounters to hold me down Ain’t no one's boyfriend, wow I'm busy up in my brain but they don't see anything, yeah
I open up too easily, look at me Single sided blade of insecurities, yeah I open up too easily, speak to me Cutting through my comfort like its misery, sad
~this. SONG. he just like me fr 😔 azdcafs nah, honestly idk if this is projecting, but to MEE I like to think about Dream being so ready for a partner, and he gives so so much of himself to them and loves so passionately but he also has just... so many issues. just ugh this song..
Blegh - His Hands
He feels handcrafted just for you But he's a little bit too far away and You can't, you can't His hands are on you And you know you'll be gone by the morning but you know he loves you And you know you like his strong hands, strong hands
You're too real for me You should go to something better I'll give you to someone better I have friends that'll be on earth for longer I have friends that won't feel like monsters
~another song that I was not prepared for before hand that ruined me so viciously, that I had to scream at multiple ppl about it, most of which were mentioned in this post, but Verg's reaction was very memorable because I believe she told me she was on public transportation and the way she phrased it had me rolling around on the floor. but yeah y'all just gotta hear this fuckin,... bear mace of a song (with your Dreamling Glasses™ on pls, as i believe it is meant to be asxacsgdcvc)
Agent Fresco - Wait for Me
I can’t see clear The rage of rivers roam every tear They all fall through vague and vast tunnels With hurts of hatred came blinding years Will they disappear?
I’m far away, treading a path I’ve made and it’s laid with stones of fallen love I need to feel and to make atonement before coming home
~-motions to song- I mean... c'mon... this alone? nah nah nah..I gotta lay down.
Talos - Endgame
I’m drawn across An empty space This dreamland now A tired waste O it’s the endgame
A blackout heart A seething truth There’s nothing in me Left for you We’re lies
~ Talos...Talos Talos Talos... y'all. if you don't know him, but like indie-ish electronic music with beautiful angelic Irishman vocals? pls... he makes me insane. He also just gives me Morpheus vibes in general, I'm not exactly sure why, but... I also think the cover art on his first two albums are very Morpheus energy, could just be me tho
Emma Ruth Rundle - Savage Saint
I held him, his whole life In my hands, in my heart
Don't be ever forgotten, Savage Saint Never draw blood in the garden, faint Don't be the name that's drawing shame and Never let your heart harden, little flame
~I knew I had to have Emma Ruth in here somewhere, but it took me a second to find the perfect song.. and I was torn between a few, but I saw this one and. Immediately my heart was out of my body. Thinking about Orpheus.. and Dream thinking about Orpheus.. draw blood in the garden,,, I held him his whole life.. in my hands in my heart.. little flame.. it seems I am upsetti spaghetti.
Sleeping at Last - Neptune
Stitch by stitch, I tear apart If brokenness is a form of art I must be a poster child prodigy Thread by thread, I come apart If brokenness is a work of art Surely this must be my masterpiece
I'm only honest when it rains If I time it right, the thunder breaks When I open my mouth I wanna tell you, but I don't know how I'm only honest when it rains An open book with a torn out page And my ink's run out I wanna love you, but I don't know how
~Sleeping at Last my beloved <3 ... if I could snort 'atlas pt 1 the album' I fuckin would. also there's a song on there for literally any blorbo. i could bet my life on that. somewhere on there! "if brokenness is a work of art, surely this must be my masterpiece" ah hah.. hahaha..
Sea Power - Want To Be Free
Now we're under the stars Smoking cigars On top of a motorcar Hanging out Like some kind of nebula We
Want to be free Want to be free It will last forever Eternally
~this one was more for vibes and because it's beautiful, but also if I think too hard about Morpheus and how he just wants to be normal and rest for a little while, then I will have to go eat a whole bag of chocolate chips and cry myself to sleep.
Clem Turner - Divine Loser
"Connect yet stay opaque," I cannot have it both ways Please do not tell the time I can't be trusted with the date
My god, you break the skin But may I be thy heaven? Will you take my sickness While I deprive you of your health?
~haha Divine Loser..defo Morpheus (jk. or am I) that second part I included.. I keep having to re-read those lyrics, cause.. my goodness. there's a part later that says "baby just let me bleed in peace" like... whoof. Clem Turner is the only person on here twice, mostly cause these two songs are just so phenomenal I had to and the lyrics... SHMACK.. and Clem's VOICE?? pardon me?
Clem Turner - Honeywell
Get it through your pretty head Take me with you instead Forget her, she's gone So, tell me, dear stranger What's got you distraught?
Mm, here I am to bring Psychosomatic freedom to your head May I be of service, newlywed? See me as a host to all your greatest dreams And then some change As long as your compassion stays the same
~"So tell me, Dear Stranger, what's got you so distraught?" Um..is that in a dreamling fic, cause... 👀 and then "see me as a host to all your greatest dreams and then some change, as long as your compassion stays the same." running in circles, sobbing, hopping out my window, running into the woods...etc
Mustapha Kamel - Can You Feel Me
[Instrumental~]
~ this song just makes me -lays face down in the carpet for 2+ hrs- and the cello is gahdamn gorgeous..
The New Basement Tapes - When I Get My Hands On You
When I come home to you Gonna take you down to the riverside When I come home to you Hold you in my arms all night
And now you know Everywhere on earth you go You're gonna have me as your man
~ Mushy Dream Rights!!! let this inconceivable being be a sap!! I love seeing him clingy and sweet and so so in love and just AAAHHH I could literally weep, I love this weird scrungly man.
Glass Animals - JDNT
I'm all armored up I've got my old helmet on Keeping out an eye Puffing all my feathers up One more little blow One more tap and I collapse
~heehee another nightmarish song. not only is this a fuckin BANGER, but Glass Animals has such a.. Sound. that's dreamlike most of the time, but sometimes can be so.. tense and creepy, and the lyrics can be violent and just downright odd. mostly from the zaba album, but regardless. I could talk about Dream + Glass Animals for hours, as proven with N (@wordsinhaled) because we have done exactly that, I think twice now lolololol (also I thought the line abt the helmet was.. hehe funny)
ABRA - Pride
Palms up, no crown You wanna mess around I wanna hold you down It's not okay I need you everyday
I lost all the pride That I thought I could keep Can you see me Say you feel me It's a big world But I fall at your feet Reach out and touch me
~ this was originally an entirely different song! but I switched it out last minute and I am v happy that I did because this song..this song fucks severely, but also it lets me put a facet of Dream on this playlist that I love seeing, which is the needy and seductive lil bastard that he can be. i think i could make a whole other playlist dedicated to that aspect tbh azcacdfavcg
Purity Ring - Asido
Oh, the madness in weakness Doubled o'er on the plate Fill an ocean with weaponry Hurricanes of our grace
Feel as lonely as I do, as I do Feel as lonely as I do, I do Feel as lonely as I do
~I wanted some Purity Ring on here because I know their genre is sometimes described as dream pop or witch house, and their lyricism has this... poetically visceral aspect to it sometimes that I adore while also being very ethereal. Love them. also tho, feel as lonely as I do?? of course it had to be in here.
Hozier - It Will Come Back
Don't let me in with no intention to keep me Jesus Christ, don't be kind to me Honey, don't feed me, I will come back
It can't be unlearned I've known the warmth of your doorways Through the cold, I'll find my way back to you Oh, please, give me mercy no more That's a kindness you can't afford I warn you, baby, each night, as sure as you're born You'll hear me howling outside your door
~ okay look, I know everybody and their mother who has made a playlist like this has put Mr. Andrew Hozier-Byrne on it, but like - come on.. look at those lyrics. He just Gets It™ and the music slaps ass! I have like, an actual Dreamling playlist in the works as well, which I'm sure will be... longer. but hopefully I'll have the foresight to work on it a bit at a time, and PERHAPS prepare a word document, since I cannot seem to help rambling at any chance I get 💀
Son Lux - Labor
I will break with you For your body to be freed and pleased Take the weight of you For your gravity to be erased
Come to life, my hungry arms are begging you But what more can you do?
Labor reveal before our eyes Into our ears Unfurl with light The stars around us disappear Just what is torn What comes alive inside of us
~ I wanted.. something big on here. I don't necessarily have a desired order for this to be played in, but this was the last one I added, if that tells you anything. The opening of this song is a little jarring, but the piano is so. beautiful. Son Lux has such a way of composing their music that just leaves me breathless and astounded at the feelings music can bring forward in me, and speaking in Dream terms, I feel like that would be the kind of song he really appreciates. I'm not gonna end this with rambling about the complexity of human emotion, because I don't believe tumblr could handle me doing that - operation-wise, i feel like it's abt to stab me as is- It's also not why I'm here lol. "I will break with you. For your body to be freed and pleased. Take the weight of you, for your gravity to be erased." the rest of that line literally mentions a phantom muse.. I think, viewing this in terms of Morpheus' marriage, and maybe even how he thinks about marriage as a concept is interesting. On Genius they mention that on a Son Lux insta story they talked about the first half of the song being about helping a friend die, and the second half about the birth of Ryan Lott's son. Looking at in that framing is also,,, WHEW.. okay this paragraph has been long enough lmao
WELL GEEZE.. looks like I've finally made it to the bottom without tumblr shitting itself again, so I'm gonna wrap this up before it gets the chance to. HAH.
If anyone has bothered to read this far; I cannot thank you enough nor can I tell you how much I appreciate you reading my inane mangling of the English language to be overly emo about music and a spindly nightmare of a man, but REGARDLESS. Thank you, I love you, and I would absolutely take a stab wound for you and make you cookies. 💕🖤💕🖤✨
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killer-lemon · 20 days
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Guys what's going on on YouTube?
I saw someone censor autism. I saw someone write queercoding with the 3s instead of Es. I saw someone writing erotic as fucking er0t1c. THEY CENSORED. THE WORD EROTIC. FUCKING EROTIC??? When was THAT a bad word.
I swear to God what the fuck.
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adriles · 1 year
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i know of two types of people⸻people who the gods refuse to let me kill because they will meet their fates under other circumstances, and people who the gods want me to kill in violent ways
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a-archived · 6 months
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@satorukojima asked the moon & stars ↪ the deity of the stars descent was followed by a subtle squeak with every land on the oaken steps of the stairs. daylight still hasn’t fully broken through the four corners of the orphanage and yet, satoru found himself widely awake, searching high and low for his sibling who had suddenly gone missing from their assigned bed. wake up time, meal time, study time, play time, sleeping time – almost everything they did, they did together or at least they waited for each other. so to see his older sibling suddenly gone for quite a while now, and so early in the morning too  … the deity of the stars was alarmed.  where could they have gone to? his worries would only quell when he caught a glimpse of the moon deity near the entrance, in front of them was the director who seemed to be talking to a couple of folks outside. the boy’s pace began to speed up.  by the time he got near, satoru was able to infer that the people the director was talking to, seemed to be grown ups who were looking for a kid. and it seemed like … elyon is their choice!  initially, there was a chuckle that left the boy’s lips as he approached elyon and reached for their hand as he would always do.  are we finally going to get adopted? are we leaving this place? are we going to a new home? what the young god of the stars wasn’t expecting however, was the indescribable look across the older’s features.  “ elyon? ” cue in a tug on their hand. “ what’s going on? ” attention then turned to the director and the guests in front of them. gaze widened as he realized something, the grown ups did not at all look like the regular adults that dropped by and inquired. if anything, they looked unnatural; sinister. then followed the words that sent a chill down his spine – shrine, rightful heir, queen, elyon …. “  what – what are they saying? “ / for the moon/celestial deity au verse origins hihii 🥹 | unprompted, always accepting !
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there was more this, there was more to the world than this forsaken orphanage, that continued to almost fall over the edge of cliff. the sound of the angry ocean below calling elyon's name over & over again, the wind that howled and would invade every creak would whisper their name, the dark shadows tugged between walls would sing for them. and all said the same thing : this is not the end, this is the beginning. day in, day out, morning, night, months & years: one day would come ... they would escape this place. one day they would be able to roam around the world, spread clipped wings and fly far away, the universe their playground. one day they would run, run, run so far away not even the wind could catch them. one day.
yet, if there was any good in this prison then it was their little brother. elyon had taken one look at the younger the first time he got dropped there and made their choice. where elyon never had someone to take care of them, to praise them, comfort them they tried to be that for satoru. they tried and how they tried ! trial and error for years, fumbling, for these hands weren't made to hold & protect. to hold something precious they could not but who were they if not preservering ? going against what fate prescribed ? they would swim upstream, survive the raging tides, untangle that web of destiny and weave it into whatever they so desired. they would forge their own path, the endless rattling within their chest told them so.
funny was it not how your whole life seemed to flash before your very eyes when it seems like you're being uprooted ? much like a mighty oak tree felled, a giant's hand pulling it asunder, leaving no trace behind. a mere ghost where once was a living & breathing thing. here, standing before these faceless figures in robes, watching them sprouting nonsense, the voices seemed to come from far away, twisted, deformed and none of it made sense. a mere hour ago had the teen been hoisted out of the bed by the director, hushed but excited, a wicked glint in her eyes. they could still feel the iron grip upon their wrist, of fingers burning into skin, babbling about their destiny & how she would be royally paid. wasn't she lucky ? to have taken elyon under her wing ? to have found the queen of the stars, promised sovereign of the celestial realm, the moon reborn.
the teen can feel a headache coming up, face contorted in confusion & annoyance. frustration bubbling up, rippling through their body and igniting the dormant flame within azure hues. pulling hand away from the director does elyon's gaze sweep across the robed figures, teeth clenching together, how dare they. how dare they ! ❝ stop, just stop, none of this is making sense. is this some kind of sick joke ? ❞ it's spat out, venom dripping from tiers and if there seems to go a ripple through their body, like an electric current, putting body on edge then elyon simply decides to ignore it. the way, for a split second, the space around them begins to darken ( a heaviness settling in the air & pressing down upon all ). it burns, cold, frozen, icy. their insides are set aflame and all elyon wants to do is release whatever it is that slumbers inside of them, hungry for freedom. however, that little window is closed as soon as a small hand finds home within their own, familiar voice breaking through the incessant ringing in their ears. satoru.
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it's instinctive: the way elyon grips satoru's hand, tight, unwilling to let go, anchoring themselves. the voice that leaves parted lips doesn't even sound like their own, it's distant, far away, trying to claw it's way out. ❝ it's okay, don't listen to them. just some stupid grown - ups. ❞ the grip upon their little brother's hand is deadly, trying to hold on to the last bit of their sanity. ❝ i am not going anywhere. ❞ freedom ? whatever awaited them would be no freedom. they'd be in a cage again, locked away, for whatever reason these people had. they had a duty ? a job ? they were still a kid ! the moon, the celestial realm, the night, their rightful queen elyon supposedly was. it made no sense. it made no sense ! if they were really that powerful then where had that power been all their life ? why were they stuck here, within the four walls of an orphanage on the verge of collapsing ? where was their palace ? their might and their prowess ?
to elyon those robed figures, hidden & deceptive, would forever be the start of their imminent descent. these people might have viewed elyon as their blessing, their rightful heir; the not yet awakened moon deity would make them wish they'd never laid eyes upon them. make them wish for a swift death. because now, now elyon only had one thing in mind: take whatever you can, take what you're owed & what the world possesses. it's yours, it's always been yours. they want you ? fine. drain them of everything, use their misplaced devotion. elyon would be free, they'd soar the skies, they'd take the whole world if need be. a glance downwards towards satoru. their little star, always following them around, keeping their moon company.
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❝ i'll be back soon. but if i don't, i know you'll find me. ❞ after all, wherever the moon went, the stars were never far behind. and the two siblings might not know it yet, but they'd always found each other ( then, now and in the future: every lifetime again ).
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running-in-the-dark · 2 years
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I just wrote all of this in the tags because I feel like my thoughts don't matter and I shouldn't make anyone read them but no, I'll write it in a post instead.
I just had a really fun realisation (that was sarcasm)
it doesn't matter what name I go by - as soon as I start associating a name with myself/identifying with it, it feels gross.
I thought it was because I associate my real name with mainly negative memories (and also because of gender stuff)
but no. even when it's something that only my friends call me, something that's only been used in a positive context. even when it's something silly like a username or tumblr url. as soon as it starts feeling like 'me' it's bad.
if I hear or read or think about any of those names/usernames, I feel nauseous. I feel afraid. I feel disgusting. the name doesn't matter because *I* am disgusting and bad.
so that's great. and I don't know what to do about it. guess I should write this down for my psychiatrist appointment (because if I don't I will forget but the problem won't go away)
no name no pronouns please pretend I do not exist 🙃
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moonlit-tia · 1 year
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rook stop fighting everyone in my guest room please 😭
also here's my cluttered little room, nothing matches but I'm trying to make it work
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edit: they're back to being friends now ♡
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finch1pinch · 1 year
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ok i wanna talk about the fae in my world because ive come up with a bunch of cool lore for them and their culture, im obviously not finished yet but this is what ive got so far
ok so in my little multiverse, the most common 2 groups to be present on each earth are fae and humans. on some earths the fae are less present in the story that occurs or on some they are very present. it all depends on the awareness fae and humans have of each other.
the 2 groups are very different and have very different cultures but they have many parallels between them
like each group has 3 main aspiration groups that overlap and have specific attributes whether physical or mental. humans have the sciences, the humanities, and the arts, while the fae have the storm, the end, and the spirit
there are 3 central figures to fae culture.
the storm also known as Ebbe who represents change, unpredictability, overcoming fears, flexibility. this figure is often depicted with dragonfly wings, which is often an attribute of their followers. They are also depicted in shadow with a hood over their head, normally with only one eye glinting out of the shadow of the hood, shining like lightning. after all the future is never truly clear, even to its beloved followers.
The next is the end, also known as lady death or Synneva. She represents death, as you might’ve guessed, but also familiarity, comfort, the solid earth to Ebbe’s ever-changing skies. She is often depicted with moth’s wings similar to the death’s head hawkmoth or just as a little moth lurking in a corner ever present. it is said that she watches over every death that has ever been, rocking them into her dusty embrace. when she is depicted, her face is never in shadow, because she is always known. she doesnt hurry or rush, she knows she will have you eventually and like you can’t run from your past, you cannot run from her.
and the last is the spirit, who is the one most likely to give you his name, which is Anders by the way. He’s the brightest of the bunch representing growth, revival, and life in general. while many fae claim they see Synneva during near death experiences and Ebbe during big make or break it decisions, people often say they see Anders during their greatest moments, often cheering in the background, jumping up and down. he appears when a person is truly living. hes often depicted with bee wings, pollinating and nurturing growth around him all with a big grin on his face. life flourishes around him. But hes a trickster as well, his tricks are short term rather than the big strange inscrutable crossroads Ebbe prefers. and hes always moving, because the present stops for no one.
these 3 are the main figures in fae culture, though there are many more that are present. often the followers or fae that share the most in common with a figure will take on their attributes. Unpredictable fae like Eden have dragonfly wings, while sunny ones have bee wings like Knaff, and calm ones like Kaia have moth’s. But there are those with birds wings, like Sage, who have Sparrow’s and there are some who have no wings. But often fae do have wings, that’s why “fae” is often interchangeable with “wingfolk.” its more common to see a fae with wings than without.
Also, fae view humans as having uncanny valley as well. they find the weird bare skin they have unsettling. also plastic is fucking weird like what the hell dude, why are you guys so obsessed with using it for everything. why do keep eating so much inedible shit like asbestos and lead as well?
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skrunksthatwunk · 11 months
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why'd they give the IT help desk guy at [university] the same mics they use at drive thrus 💀💀💀
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pinkfey · 2 years
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in a few weeks i’ll be subbing for a school secretary for just a day and hoo boy it makes me nervous :(
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littloblivious · 1 year
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going through baby's first time being impacted by a close family member at a late stage of a terminal illness (I'm so so lucky this is the first I've had to deal with this!! I'm so old!!) and having feelings and it's CRINGE
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