reginald hargreeves be like “i know a place” and then sends you to the moon
Klaus: [enters the room]
Diego: Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is about to piss you the fuck off?
Klaus: My mother cried the day I was born because she knew she would never be better than me.
(June 26 -> 35 days until season 2)
Netflix: We made you a GIF of Ben jumping.
TUA Fandom: You know, we really just wanted the season 2 trailer.
Netflix: We can take it down if you-
TUA Fandom: No, we’re keeping him forever. Back off.
Allison: Klaus, you overdosed, do you remember anything?
Klaus: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.
Allison: We didn’t call an ambulance, I drove you.
Klaus: But I heard a siren?
Allison: There was no siren?
Ben: Sorry, I got nervous.
Ben: Stop volunteering to take your shirt off. No one’s asking you to take your shirt off.
Klaus: Can’t hear you, shirt’s over the ears.
Dave, seductively: Tell me your wildest fantasy.
Klaus: I’m on the Wheel of Fortune and I spin it so hard it lights on fire.
Dave: No, dear, I meant like—
Klaus: Everyone claps.
Klaus: So… What’s your favorite banana-related story?
[Klaus Hargreeves has been removed from the group chat.]
Klaus: It’s crazy how Leonardo could paint and invent all those things and still find the time to be a crime-fighting turtle.
Diego: And he was amazing in Titanic.
Ben: A real Renaissance man.
Five: Jesus fucking Christ.
At the gym
Some guy: *watching Diego doing push ups" Wow I wonder what his motivation is.
Diego: I’m gonna be so good at hugging mom.
Klaus: One day I’m going to say “fight me” and someone is just going to fucking deck me.
Five: Believe me, that day is closer than you think.
Klaus: I’m going to do it or die crying.
Diego: …I’m pretty sure it’s “die trying”.
Klaus: Not the way I do it.
Boxing gym owner: I’ve had enough of you! You’re both fired!
Diego: …oh, come on!
Klaus: Ah, joke’s on that guy, he never hired me!
The Umbrella Academy
Klaus: Here you go! Nice hot cup of coffee
Five: It’s cold.
Klaus: Nice cup of coffee
Five: It’s horrible.
Klaus: Cup of coffee
Five: I’m not sure if this is even coffee.
The Umbrella Academy
Diego: Do you recognise any of these people?
Karl Weber’s son: I was hiding in the bathroom stall, so I didn’t see their face, but I heard them. They were singing along to the music in the bar, I think it was that song, ‘I want it that way’?
Diego: Backstreet Boys, I’m familiar. Okay, number one, could you please sing the opening line to 'I want it that way’ by the Backstreet Boys
Hazel:…really? Uh, okay. 'You are my fire’
Diego: Number two, keep it going
Cha Cha: 'The one desire’
Diego: Number three?
The Handler: 'Believe when I say’
Diego: Number four!
Dot: 'I want it that way’
Diego: TELL ME WHY
All: 'Ain’t nothing but a heartache’
Diego: tEEeELll MeE wHYYYY
All: 'Ain’t nothing but a mistake’
Diego: Now number five
Five: 'I never wanna hear you say’
All: 'I want it that way’
Diego: Chills, literal chills
Karl Weber’s son: It was number five, number five killed my father
Diego: Oh my God I forgot about that part-
Diego: I have never been more disappointed in you for something.
Klaus: seriously? What about everything else I’ve done? THIS is what you choose??
Five: Oh my god, you’ve started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse!
Allison to Five: Alright. You, lighten up!
Allison to Klaus: You, big trouble!
Allison to Diego: You, get in the car!
The Umbrella Place
klaus, in any situation: you may be asking, ‘klaus, how did you do this to yourself?’
klaus: well lads, klaus doesn’t fucking now either.
Reginald Hargreeves: we’re gonna name this baby 1
Reginald Hargreeves: I’ve decided that instead of writing down names to keep track of the babies, I’m just gonna name them 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Reginald Hargreeves: apparently I was supposed to take care of the babies, nurture them, which I wasn’t aware of
Reginald Hargreeves: and for that, I’d like to say
Reginald Hargreeves: I’m sorry you feel that way