#the way ann walker comforts anne lister mirroring the ways in which anne lister takes care of her fucking sends me

[iredreamer]

[1] Love your blog :) Reading about your GJ scene breakdowns, are there any scenes you really like that maybe you haven’t talked about because they don’t really involve the Ann(e)s. I have a few, which I decided on after I realized I couldn’t choose a favorite episode. Would love to hear your thoughts on them or any others. Besides all of the Ann(e) scenes (because obviously), the scenes I really like are:

athenaismyplace asked: [2] ep. 1, Anne in bed caressing Aunt Anne’s legs during the Dr. Kenny visit, love the caring and intimacy that showed. ep. 2, Vere being delighted to see Anne at her wedding, the idea that a real caring friendship came out of that heartbreak is nice. ep. 7, Marianna seeing Anne in that dress, her surprise and Anne’s “Really?” kill me. I think at that moment she was maybe caught off guard by the idea that Anne could be beautiful. ep 8, Anne’s face at that girl saying “Miss Lister likes trouble.”

hey :) hello! thank you so much! Like you I can’t choose a favorite episode, they’re all so good and it’s just impossible to pick a favorite. I love the scenes you picked that don’t involve the Ann(e)s, I’m gonna talk about them a little and then tell you what are my two favorite scenes that don’t involve the Ann(e)s :)

1. About the scene with aunt Anne in ep. 1, I totally agree with you. Right from the first ep. that little scene shows us how much Anne cares about her aunt and how much she worries about her health. And I love how she just stays there with her aunt like no one is in the room, talking and gossiping a little. Every single scene with just the two of them is so loving and warm but at the same time kinda nostalgic, it’s a strange mix but I love it.

2. One thing I love about the scene with Vere in episode 2, is Anne saying: “Our time on Earth is brief. And we should all strive to make the most of it. And be as happy as we can be.” – I love the fact that she’s saying it more to herself than to Vere. And I genuinely believe Vere when she says – “I’m sorry if I hurt you. I was always very fond of you. You must know that. I’m just… Not like that.” – I think she really was one of the few women who were not attracted to Anne but just appreciated her as a friend and nothing more.

3. The scene in episode 7: Mariana seeing Anne in a dress kinda breaks my heart. You can see that Anne doesn’t feel comfortable wearing that dress and the – “Really?” – is not of positive surprise but rather a “Why do you find me beautiful in this? I look ridiculous.” It was one of the most relatable scenes for me because every time someone is like “Oh god you should try on a dress, you’d look AMAZING” I’m like “???? what are you even talking about?”. The way Suranne showed discomfort in how she carried herself in that dress, and the fact that just putting that on made Anne Lister look not as confident, strong and attractive as she was with her regular clothes on, is A+ acting. That scene was not a: “Oh look how much more beautiful Anne would be if she just dressed in a more feminine way”, it was a: “Oh god look how wrong would that be if she dressed in a more feminine way” and I LOVED IT. It’s refreshing and it’s true to life. The fact that Mariana was surprised and thought that Anne looked beautiful in that dress breaks my heart because for me it shows that Mariana doesn’t really appreciate Anne for who she really is. I mean, Anne was visibly uncomfortable and yet Mariana didn’t even notice it.

4. I loved Sophie Ferrall so much lol not gonna lie.

Now, about my favorite scenes that don’t involve the Ann(e)s… The first one is the one in episode 2 between Ann Walker and Catherine Rawson. The way Ann firmly and passionately talks about Anne Lister and defends her shows us that she’s not some gullible, simple girl that can be easily manipulated. And I love it. – “No, I’ll tell you why they say it. Because she’s unusual and singular and clever, and because she doesn’t conform to the way people think a woman should look or think or be. That’s why. Miss Lister is one of the nicest, kindest, most clever and interesting people I have ever met, so you can tell that to your people.” –  She has her own opinion, she’s strong in her own way, and she’s not gonna let people tell her what to think or do.

And of course I love Ann’s reaction when Catherine asks her – “So she’s never tried to– to touch you or anything?” – Ann says: “Don’t be absurd” – but her brain is like “Oh god, being touched by Anne Lister…touched how, where? everywhere? Oh god I might faint.”

Catherine asks: “Are you taking your drawing things and your watercolors?” – while a rated R movie is playing in AW’s head and her – “Yes, of course” – is so high pitched it cracks me up lol poor baby… in that moment she’s having an epiphany and her body is basically waking up but CR is RIGHT THERE so she tries to conceal, don’t feel, don’t let her knoooow!!!! But we know Ann, we know… It’s written all over your face that you’re thinking about Anne Lister touching you.

And, at the end of the scene, the way Ann looks at herself in the mirror is the cherry on top. Our little lesbian is on a mission from that moment on. Her expression is like: “I will do everything in my power to be kissed and touched by Anne Lister, I will make it happen!” (and, oh yes, she will make it happen, yes yes) and I love it.

And here we also have the metaphor of the mirror, the mirror that reflects truth, that shows the real you, your real desires, and makes you come to terms with who you really are and what you really want. I’m not gonna go into details about what the mirror symbolizes but, in Gentleman Jack, the mirror is an element that holds quite a lot of meaning. Just to name other interesting scenes where the mirror is used as a symbol to tell us more about what is happening: episode 7, AL looking in the mirror before going away and of course at the end of that same episode, both AL and AW looking in the mirror at the same time and feeling a sort of connection.

The other scene I love is also about Ann Walker. It’s the scene in episode 8 where she finally leaves her sister’s house. Again, I just really love seeing Ann taking control of her life and just telling people they don’t understand shit. That’s my favorite thing about her. When I watched it for the first time, the way she says – “I’ll deal with it!” – and then the way she speaks to Captain Sutherland got me screaming at my screen like “YAS!!! YOU GO GIRL” and then when she says – “Everything, from now on, when it comes to me, is my decision.” – I was like “YAS GO GET YOUR GIRL GO GET YOUR BEAUTIFUL GIRL WHO’S A MESS WITHOUT YOU!! GO, YOU LITTLE LESBIAN, GO!”.

Special mention goes to the scene of Ann at Shibden asking for AL’s address lol that scene is gold!!!! Marian cracks me up I love her she’s the best I just can’t with her. And then my fav part of that scene: “She isn’t in Copenhagen. She’s here.”

Ann’s little – “Here?” – kills me because till that moment she was like “Oh look at me being confident and bold, asking addresses, walking like I own the place” and then she goes into gay panic mode in one sec lol it’s sweet and yeah, I love it and I just really love Ann Walker…

One thing I absolutely love about Gentleman Jack, is how the show makes it clear that everything that was happening between the Ann(e)s was happening because Ann Walker really really wanted it to happen. Ann Walker’s scenes (the ones without Anne Lister) are fundamental, they leave no room for interpretation, they make it crystal clear that Ann Walker is not being manipulated and that Anne Lister is not being “predatory”. In this way GJ manages to kill all the stupid lesbian tropes not giving people the slightest chance to say stupid shit about the Ann(e)s’ dynamic being “toxic” or whatever.

#gentleman jack #anne lister #ann walker #anatomy of a scene: gentleman jack #me screaming about gentleman jack #ask #athenaismyplace

[ladygayfeels]

It’s Supposed To Hurt, It’s A Broken Heart - pt1

Pulling into Canterbury and outside of the Inn which Anne, her man and her maid were booked into for the night, the carriage hadn't even fully come to a halt when Miss Lister flung the door open and stumbled out, just managing to catch her fall before hitting the ground. Thoughts of Miss Walker hadn’t left her mind since she’d allowed herself just one when looking in the mirror which stood erect in the bedroom she’d occupied in London.

She’d made a promise to Miss Walker not to write each other, which was painful in and of itself, choosing to keep herself distracted in order to avoid the ache in her heart whenever she thought of the younger woman for too long. But Anne had once again underestimated Miss Walker and the emotions she brought out of Anne with ease. Behind the strong facade she portrayed, Anne Lister felt feelings deeply. Too deeply, in the case of Miss Walker. Much more than she had any inkling of.

Once one thought of Ann passed through her thoughts, it were as if the floodgates opened and she could think of nothing else. The drive from London to Canterbury, although short in length compared to her other journey’s, in some ways felt twice as long. Agony causing her chest to ache heavily, her breathing becoming more and more difficult with every flicker of Miss Walker entering her mind’s eye.

Anne walked up to the desk to check-in, unable to feign enthusiasm even for the attractive looking young woman manning the desk. Retreating to her room, key in hand, barely shooting a glance in Eugenie or Thomas’ way, not bothering to wait for either of them as she made her way up the stairs.

Once alone, she gasped for breath, eyes stinging with the sudden threat of tears she furiously blinked back. Not knowing what else to do, she grabbed her journal, sat down on the plush bed and began to write.

Tomorrow they left for Dover early and would be on their way to Paris, the thought both comforting and unsettling something inside of her.

     _______________________________________________________________

Elizabeth paced back and forth in front of the guest bedroom, worry etched into her features as the horror that took place some hours ago now, replayed in her mind for the hundredth time. Opening the door. Red. Ann. Red. Shock. Red. Blood. A lot of it. Dripping. On Ann’s dress, her hands, arms, chin. She winced at the memory of the way Ann’s eyes had rolled back into the back of her head and she’d collapsed.

In a panic she’d called for Donald, her husband. His mother who’d been visiting had taken the children and new baby to the other side of the house, after Elizabeth refused to leave Ann’s side, even for her children. In that moment, her motherly instinct’s what caused her to stand her ground against her husband’s wishes for her to go with the children and his mother. Knowing full well that her little ones would be alright with her mother-in-law, she knew that her sister needed her now more than ever. And yet despite her refusal to leave Ann’s side, Donald had ushered her outside the room and into the hallway, assuring her that the Doctor he’d called would do his very best and that he would inform her of any progress.

So here she was, on the landing wearing a hole into the floor with her constant back and forth, thoughts racing with endless possibilities, both good and bad. The bad ones causing her heart to trip and race faster. Everything had passed in a blur after she’d entered the room and Ann collapsed. The memory of her trying to pick Ann up off the floor, of Captain Sutherland rushing through the door and bellowing downstairs for someone to call the doctor. Tears welled in her eyes once more as she stifled a sob with her hand.

She took a deep breath and leant against the bannister, closing her eyes as she wondered a thousand things at once. Had this been an accident? Ann had seemed fine, she’d said so herself. Surely this couldn’t have been intentional… right?

The door opened and Donald appeared beside her with something in his hands. Turning to him with baited breath, Elizabeth couldn’t help but fear the worst. “The Doctor says she’s lost a lot of blood.” he spoke hushedly. Unable to form words, Elizabeth bit down on the inside of her cheek as a traitorous tear slipped down her cheek. Donald brushed it away in a rare moment of tenderness. “She’s resting. He’s dressed her wounds and such, but…” he paused, taking a deep breath and looking down. “What?” she asked after a moment’s hesitation. “Perhaps we should… consider…” Captain Sutherland tried to find the right words for a delicate situation such as this. “Consider what?” Elizabeth asked, deep down she already knew what he was going to say, she’d heard aunts and uncles, and cousins whispering about it before over the years. A grim feeling settled low in her stomach and the glint that shone in her eyes almost dared her husband to speak the words aloud. Captain Sutherland had never seen the look in his wife’s eyes before, it almost made him second-guess suggesting such a thing. Almost. “Perhaps we should see about how some time in an institution might do her?” he proposed the idea in a whisper. Elizabeth found herself unable to breathe, let alone speak. The mere thought of sending her little sister, who’d suffered enough for lifetime already, to an - she couldn’t even think it, no she daren’t even entertain the idea.

Her husband took her elongated silence as consideration, rather than blatant shock and dismissal, and instead handed her Ann’s sketchbook. “She’s quite a talented little thing, isn’t she?” he mused, opening to the first page and tilting it in his wife’s direction for her to see the creation on the page. “Yes.” she choked out, snatching the book from his hands and not-so-subtly closing it. “Right, well then…” Captain Sutherland took a step back and offered her a sympathetic smile before entering the guest room again, closing the door behind himself.

Elizabeth slowly pried the pages open of the sketchbook, trailing her fingers over the masterful work her sister had immortalised on the pieces of parchment inside. Each drawing so uniquely brilliant, but one in particularly caught her eye. One that held so much more detail than the rest. One that she could still see the small dents in the parchment made from the pencil, a lot of work had been put into this one.

‘Miss Lister’ Elizabeth thought, the name easing the tightness in her chest and weight from her shoulders substantially as her eyes raked over the drawing. She found herself inhaling and exhaling lungfuls at a time, for the first time since the horror that had happened earlier that afternoon.

There was no name next to the drawing, nothing to indicate it was definitely this ‘Miss Lister', but she had remembered her husband describing a similar looking woman to the drawing in her hands.

A woman of peculiar dress sense and with an unusual air about her, her mother-in-law had chimed in, but Elizabeth had zoned out by that point. She didn’t really care what the elderly woman had to say on that matter, or any to be exact. She’d never really likened to the woman after all these years anyway.

Her sister’s words rang in her ear then, “You’re scared of him, aren’t you?” causing a swirl of guilt to unsettle her stomach. Elizabeth’s mind raced with what could’ve caused Ann to do this, if it were intentional, and all she could think of was the word she’d had with her about Captain Sutherland’s cousin, Sir Alexander Mackenzie and how it would be beneficial for all if Ann could be civil at dinner when he arrives. A nauseating feeling overtook her at the thought of in some way contributing to Ann’s accident. Ann had made it very clear that if the dinner were a ruse in order for her to meet Alexander with the hopes of a proposal in the near-future, than the intention would be wasteful, as she would not accept him by any means.

Even with the knowledge that Ann’s wounds were wrapped and would heal in time, the uncertainty of Ann being able to stay here in her house for much longer, what with the suggestion of an institution being introduced by her husband, Elizabeth knew she had to act fast.

The mere thought of having to send her little sister to such a place kicked her motherly instinct into high-gear. She remembered Captain Sutherland informing her, upon his return from Crow Nest with her sister in tow, of how Miss Lister had suggested their cousin Miss Rawson downplay Ann’s mental state in the hopes of being able to treat Ann without the use of an institution getting involved. She’d also heard from their aunt, Mrs Priestly of how Miss Lister had, in her words, “whisked Ann away” to York without telling any of them, and had her seen by a friend of hers, a doctor that specialises in those that also suffer with Ann’s nervous condition.

Elizabeth hadn’t been alarmed by hearing about this ‘Miss Lister’, in fact she admired her and wanted to thank her for being the only other person with Ann’s physical, mental and emotional wellbeing in mind. Elizabeth herself knew how toxic her relations could be sometimes, it was a major factor in her accepting Captain Sutherland’s proposal in the first place, so she could get away from them all. Her only regret was leaving Ann to deal with them all, especially after the tragedies of their parents and brother.

Not one to usually defy her husband, her instincts kicked in and she hurried to Captain Sutherland’s study. Without thinking twice, she picked up his pen and with a shaking hand, dipped it into the inkwell and drew in a deep and steadying breath. Putting pen to parchment, she began writing, pleading, for help from the one person she thought would be able to help fix what’s been broken in her sister.

#gentleman jack #anne lister #ann walker #elizabeth sutherland #captain donald sutherland #gentleman jack fic #mine #my writing #part 1 #set after 1x07 #gentleman jack 1x07 #spoilers #trigger warning #anne x ann #lesbi(anne)s