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#the way i have that last gif burned into my brain!!!!
readychilledwine · 2 months
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Could i request something where az and reader are mates. They have a huge fight and “break up” and reader leaves the court. She finds out that she is pregnant and writes him a letter. He never shows up so she thinks he doesn’t want the baby. Rhys visit the court she is in and sees her with a child maybe a couple months old. He is mad because she didn’t told him and when he ask her why she keeps his nephew away she tells him that she wrote az but he never answered. Rhys is mad and ask az what is up with him to just leave his pregnant mate. Unbeknownst to him that az was searching for her the whole time. Az tells him that he never got a letter and they find out that maybe elain burned it. It takes some time for them but they find their way back and just fluff azriel dad who teaches his son how to fly.
( you could write more angst between reader and az because of elain or you could use a maid or something who wants az)
Here Without You
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Summary - Being a single mother was more painful than you'd ever thought it would be, especially when your son's father was just a court away.
Warnings - Angst, Elain showing those claws, single mom status, a child, PPD and the thoughts that come with it, **edited to add** cheating
A/N - I had one of my friends who is a single mom help me with this one while also imagining my life without baby daddy, and um, yeah. We cried a lot, so hopefully, you all do too.
*message from Liz regarding the ending at the end*
💙Peep my Azriel Masterlist Here💙
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You had decided whatever you had done to offend the Mother must have been truly unforgettable and unforgivable as you sank against the wall of your family chambers in the Day Court Palace.
Being a new mother was the hardest thing you had ever and will ever do. You had finally gotten Nox down after 3 hours of fussing and tears, and now you waited. He'd sleep 2 hours if you were lucky, wake up crying, and you'd start the process over.
You had wished for your mate more times than you could count, but that bridge was long gone and burned. He had ensured of that by not coming when you wrote him, by not even bothering to write you a response.
The last fight between you and Azriel had been ugly. Glasses had been thrown, a bottle of wine knocked over in rage, cruel words you would both have to live with ringing in your ears like a scream. 350 years. Gone. Thrown away like garbage. All for Elain.
Selfish, plotting, destructive Elain.
You stood, body swaying with sleep deprivation setting in before sitting at the table where your now cold food set. You were too tired to eat, choosing to instead drink the water you had been desperately craving 4 hour ago.
You had wished you could turn it to wine, drink it with no consequences, and still feed Nox when he woke, but that was not the reality of the world. So, instead, you allowed the room temperature flavorless beverage to slide down your throat before moving like a ghost to the couch. There was no point in getting comfortable in your own bed. You would have to be up soon anyway. It wasn’t as if you had help.
You were alone.
And that wasn't even the most painful part of it.
The most painful part was setting in doubt. The growing disbelief that you weren't capable of this, that Nox deserved more, that you should have dropped him at the cabin you had no doubt Elain had moved into, leaving him with her and Azriel to allow you to-
You cut your brain off, refusing to put those words into a full thought. Refusing to believe that your disappearance or death was better for your son than this.
This had to be enough, you had to be enough, because Gods if it wasn't and you weren't, then what truly was the point in living any longer.
Helion entered your chambers the next morning, eyes falling to where you were sat on the floor, shoulders shaking as sobs tore through you. He placed a large warm hand on your shoulder before taking Nox from your arms. "I know I can not offer much of a break due to his feeding cycle, but when is the last time you ate a hot meal, y/n?"
You shook your head. He was 2 weeks old. You supposed it had been before labor. Since then, it had been moments begging for just a second of deep sleep. Moments begging for the Mother to help you, to guide you. Moments where those prayers went unanswered as if they were just thrown into a void. "I don't remember."
Helion could have killed Azriel for you, for Lucien, for Nox. He almost had when you had winnowed yourself here, collapsing in his arms from the exhaustion magic and a growing babe had caused your body.
You hadn't known when you came to the Day Court, begging your oldest friend for a week of safety and healing that you were pregnant, but the High Lord had scented it the second you appeared.
It left him wondering how the hell Azriel hadn't.
"Let me hire a wet nurse for you," he offered again, knowing you would turn it down since your depressive state had you hyper fixated in this belief that all you were good for now was your breasts, and if you gave that duty away, what purpose did you have? "At least for the next few hours. To give you time to rest?"
You still shook your head, messy, tangled hair trying to sway. "I can't. I can't burden someone else."
Helion turned his head away from you, willing himself not to cry at the emptiness of your voice, at the lifelessness you had become.
"The Night Court and Spring are coming today," he started slowly. "I am the magic selected neutral ground for Tamlin and Rhysand to begin setting a peace treaty and trade routes." He waited for your reaction, almost breaking further as you gave him none. "Do you want to see any of them?"
"Lucien and Tamlin."
Helion felt his heart shatter for Cassian, the male who had been asking about you for months now. "The general-"
"Is Azriel's brother. And probably has taken his side. Attempts to see me are probably to give him some sick sort of satisfaction."
He dropped the subject immediately. Nox was asleep, content in the High Lord's arms. "I have time before they arrive, go nap." Helion ordered it, eyes blazing a soft gold and forcing you into submission.
Your bed had never felt so soft.
Helion was walking with Nox around the Palace, smiling and cooing the little male. He was always content when he was being held, and you were so deeply asleep you hadn't even noticed Helion holding the boy to your chest as he nursed. He walked towards where Lucien and Tamlin were.
His son, his pride and joy, looked just radiant in his Day Court attire. The soft, off-white pleaded fabric draping him showed the new healthy build he had gained since Azriel and Elain's transgressions, a golden snake wrapped his bicep, new golden earrings adorned those many piercings.
Lucien paused, a look of concern etching his face when he saw Nox before shaking his head rapidly.
But it was too late, Helion was already in the room where Rhysand also stood with the Inner Circle. The Lord of Night's face fell as he looked at the Illyrian boy, looking so happy up at Helion as he dozed off.
Cassian had frozen, mid sentence with Nesta. He had tried to take a step, wanting to see the babe he immediately knew was his nephew. His eyes met Helion's pleading with permission to approach. Elain's face had paled. A mix of guilt and fear running across it before she schooled it into a faked look of hurt and sadness.
But it was Azriel's face the broke the High Lord. It was a look he knew all too well.
The look of a father who missed the birth of his child.
The look of a father who didn't know he had a child.
The look of a father mourning lost time.
Lucien moved to Helion, taking Nox before leaving the room quickly. The boy did as he always did when his head found Lucien's warm bare shoulder. He released a heavy breath, snuggling into that familiar scent and warmth. "Your mother did not call for me last night," they all heard his soft voice trailing off, speaking to their nephew softly.
"You will tell me everything I do not know," Rhysand demanded as if he was in his own court. "When the fuck was he born. Why were we not informed of her pregnancy?"
Tamlin looked to Helion, digging the shit further. "Is she in the same room as last time?" The Lord of Day nodded. "I will go see her while you all deal with this."
Helion didn't answer, walking to the centered round table and taking the head seat. "To begin, Rhysand, this is my court. You will not make demands of me in my home." They all sat, aside from Azriel. His gaze was locked on the hallway Lucien and Tamlin had gone down.
If he ran, he could catch them. He could see you. He could-
The slam of hands on a table ripped him from his thoughts, and his head snapped to Helion. The High Lord was blazing, glowing like the sun itself, heat radiating from him. "Sit. Down."
An hour later and Rhysand had the bridge of his nose pinched between his fingers. "You saw her send each letter?"
Helion rolled his eyes, nodding again. "Every month after every check up and once after the birth."
Rhys pointed to Azriel. "But you never got them?"
"My son wouldn't be in another court if I had," Azriel's voice mirrored yours. Broken, empty, mourning. Mourning what was, what he had missed and would never get back. "You're sure she sent them to me?"
Helion could have snapped his neck. "Who else would have fathered her babe? You are the one who stepped out of the bonds of marriage and mateship. Not her."
Azriel paused, a sudden look of anger gracing his face as he looked up at Elain, shadows curling his ears. Nuala appeared, setting envelopes down in front of Rhysand. "In her room. Under her bed in a locked chest. Along with every communication you had tried to send to y/n, my lord."
Feyre gasped, turning her back to Elain and leaning further into Rhysand, holding Nyx tightly between them. She remembered those first few weeks. The sleepless nights, the pain, the emotional down pour. She would not have survived without Rhysand. Without Nesta and Mor. Without Cassian and you and Azriel. Her sister, the one who had held her as darkness swallowed her mind after her son's birth, had allowed you to endure this alone.
Azriel's hands shook, reaching for that stack. He separated out the letters. 10 for him. 2 for Rhysand and Feyre. 2 for Mor. 2 for Amren. 4 for Cassian and Nesta.
Helion stood. "I will let you all process this. Call for me when you are ready to do negotiations. The sooner you all leave, the better for her."
Rhysand's eyes shot up. "You won't let us explain to her-"
"Does it change the fact that he took Elain to their marriage bed? Does it change that he signed the annulment papers." Silence filled the room. "I believe that's why she left. Correct?" Rhys grit his teeth nodding. "Then all this changes is me, someone she trusts and feels safe with right now, informing her of what happened and allowing her to decide if she wants to reach out again from that point." He made a pointed look at Elain. "Which would not matter since I cannot see you removing the parasite from your court."
Helion walked into your room to Lucien and Nox laying skin to skin, a blanket over them as Tamlin held you, long fingers running through your dark hair. "And?" His son said.
"Your mate hid the letters regarding her pregnancy." Lucien whistled. "She's a snake hiding behind beautiful scales."
Azriel had tracked down your room with his shadows easily. The inner circle had been excused for the negotiations and allowed to explore the city. Cassian had flown Elain home, Mor and Amren winnowing Nesta behind them. Cassian wanted Elain out of his house, and Azriel could not have been more grateful to his brother for having his back.
He entered the room slowly and quietly. You were placing the babe in a crib on the balcony. It was shaded from the sun, shielded to remain the perfect temperature, and yet gave him access to fresh air, to the breeze.
You turned, eyes wide the second you saw Azriel. He moved to you so quickly that you could hardly process it. One second, your feet were on the ground, and the next, arms held you tight against him. Azriel was breathing deeply, memorizing your scent all over again.
He set you down, keeping you close to his chest, and sent a prayer to the Mother. "Elain hid all the letters," he began slowly. "She kept them all in her room. I didn't know. Had I known about you, about him, I would have crawled the very depths of hell to bring you back home to me."
You didn't answer. Tears fell as your body relaxed into him. It wasn't fair. The hold he had on you. The need you still felt in your bones when he touched your skin. You ached for Azriel so deeply it echoed into your bones. You longed for his smell. His voice.
Azriel took your silence as permission to continue. "I made a mistake. I will never be able to make up for it. Elain knew the second you left, I wanted to correct this. I was so blinded by her, by the feeling of being needed like that again, that I forgot how precious your independence was. How beautiful it is."
He couldn't stop himself from kissing the top of your head. "You are all I think about. Morning, noon, and night, it is always and will always be you. I am so sorry for what I have done. I am sorry for hurting you, for ruining us, for hurting the family we should be raising together. There are no words for my remorse."
"Why?" Your voice broke as you asked. "Why wasn't I enough?"
Azriel pulled back to look at you, hand raising to hold your chin and force eye contact. "Y/n, you are not at fault for my actions. You did nothing wrong. There is no partial blame, no what ifs. I fucked up. I made a mistake and it cost both of us everything. You are the victim of my actions, not the catalyst."
He saw you process those words and saw as they sunk in. "You were and are more than I will ever deserve. I want to spend my lifetime making up for it. Becoming a male you are proud of. I want to be the father I never got to have. I want to be the husband and mate you deserve. I know it will take time, and I do not expect your forgiveness today, but if you give me a chance, I will go to my grave worshipping the ground you two walk."
"Do you want to meet our son?" He broke at the question, feeling the bond opening back on your end. "This doesn't mean we're back together. It means we need to coparent for him while we work on things." He nodded rapidly, following you to the bassinet.
It felt like the world was coming full circle. You knew it would take time, that you two had many things to discuss first. This was a needed good start, though. Your pain eased slightly as you pulled back the curtains to the crib and whispered, "Azriel, this is Nox, your son."
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@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanager @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho
**I have received some pretty nasty anon asks, some unconstructive comments, and a good amount of general negativity regarding this fic. If you are unhappy with the ending and want to know why I made the choices I made as the author, click #discussingherewithoutyou. Unconstructive comments will be receiving the same copy and paste answer from here forward.
My time and content are free. If you do not like them, scroll.
General Taglist:
@mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium
Azriel Taglist:
@elle4404
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reiderwriter · 4 months
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Unhappy Holidays
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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Summary: You're unlucky enough to run into Spencer Reid at holiday celebrations four years in a row. In the New Year, you're resolving to rid him from your mind forever, but you never were one to stick to resolutions 👻🦃🎄🎆
Warnings: SMUT 18+ minors dni, enemies to lovers, low-key work rivals, semi-public sex, car sex, hate sex, fingering, thigh riding, creampie, unprotected sex (no condoms but contraceptive mentioned), slight spoilers for s4 of Criminal Minds (but not really).
Prompt Request: #50"You're so fucking obsessed with me.” #82"Really? Because your pussy is saying something different, sweetheart.” #93"Use my thigh. You've been staring at it all night anyway.”
A/N: This is my first submission for @imagining-in-the-margins November/December Office Party writing challenge! I'm sorry I've been so busy recently, but the holiday season really does take a lot of effort to get through at work lmao. Hopefully, I'll be able to post more over my vacation! For now, enjoy some very unserious smut~♡ (as if I write any other kind).
Here's a link to my masterlist, where you can find all my work!~☆
Working with the FBI was no walk in the park, which, from your desk at the opposite corner of the bullpen, Spencer Reid sure made it look like.
Working on adjacent teams for the last three years had become gradually infuriating. You were forever in the man's orbit, stuck dealing with the other women on your team sat giggling about him and his many stupid haircuts, and wondering just how far you'd fallen to have to stare at his stupid face 5 days a week.
If you were unlucky. His team did happen to be out on cases a lot more, whereas yours handled correspondence and consulting cases, a cushy and safe job.
It annoyed you to no end that you had multiple field-based qualifications, extensive fire arms training and were top of your class at the academy only to be relegated yo desk duty whilst boy wonder with his doctorates was allowed to trip over his own feet catching actual killers.
Other people wondered where your dislike of the man sprang from, and you could only let out a disgruntled squeak and tell them your horror stories.
A few months into your job, your been fresh faced and bushy tailed or however that saying goes, and overly eager to take any assignment that came your way. Even if the assignment was baby-sitting an injured Doctor Spencer Reid. He'd been shot whilst out on a case whilst trying to talk down an unsub, and you'd jumped at the chance to get to know him.
He was an office legend, of course, though those days it was more for his characteristic lack of social graces rather than the beauty he'd grown into. You'd been so eager to get to pick his brains, find out how he'd managed to score the position on the BAU at such an early age.
Reality had hit you square in the face when he'd spent a week ignoring you, making you run around like a headless chicken searching for hard copies of documents the FBI had digitised a millennia ago, and hadn't so much as spared you a glance.
The straw that broke the camel's back came as you were running back to him triumphant with a document he'd requested eight hours before and had let yourself into Penelope Garcia’s office quietly, only to hear him bad mouthing you.
“She makes me uncomfortable. I've had her out searching for useless files all day because I don't know what to do with her.”
“She's trying to help, Spencer, it's her job right now, cut her some slack.”
“Her job is currently getting in the way of mine. I even tried writing my own doctor's note so I could get rid of her, but Hotch wouldn't allow it.”
You'd dropped the file loudly on the table, watched the two spin around with horrified looks and turned silently and left the room.
He hadn't once tried to find you after that, and you let your apprenticeship under Doctor Reid quietly fizzle out as you got back to your regular work.
Your resentment still burned though.
Each time you'd been caught in the same elevator with him, you'd ignored him to an almost insane degree, enjoying the way he squirmed and tried to make small talk.
You'd been in contact with JJ and his Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner as well, through cases you'd recommended, but always maintained your cold shoulder.
The one place you could not ignore him, however, was a Penelope Garcia party.
After you'd slammed the file down on her desk, Penelope had guiltily sent you a gift basket filled with sweet treats and books, and had hounded you for a week to make sure your feelings weren't too damaged by her friend's stupidity.
You actually liked her, and found at least one silver lining to the storm that was Spencer Reid ripping through your life.
In the three years since the “incident,” you'd found yourself at three parties where Penelope in all of her heartwarming ways had tried her best to force a reconciliation between the two of you, to disastrous results.
The first was a Halloween party, and you'd been incredibly proud of your Princess Laia costume when you'd arrived. Only until you'd gone to the kitchen to top up your drink to hear Spencer Reid boring some guest or the other about how Star Trek was more advanced, and had a richer plot line.
Penelope had stepped into the kitchen just as he'd caught a glimpse of your (rather skimpy) outfit - yes, you'd chosen swimsuit Laia, yes, you were going to own it - and had immediately jumped into introductions, as if you weren't already intimately acquainted.
“Spencer! This is Y/N! She loves Halloween, too, she makes all of her costumes. You guys should talk.” She'd led the other guest away and left you there with Spencer as you'd awkwardly looked upon his own costume.
“Are you the Tenth Doctor?” You asked begrudgingly, noting his pin-striped suit and the shorter hairstyle he'd chosen.
“Are you a fan? I prefer the original show run more than the current stuff, but David Tennant has really been doing a wonderful-”
“I'm sorry, let me stop you there. I don't watch Doctor Who. I guess I prefer something with a… How should I say, richer plot?”
He'd snapped his mouth shut and didn't have chance to open it again before you turned dramatically and walked away from him.
The second party you'd been cornered into was just over a year later.
Having been stuck in the office over Halloween, Penelope was determined to get in one last celebration before Christmas steam-rolled every other holiday, and thus you'd been invited to her single-people-only-friendsgiving-potluck, and you'd found yourself having to navigate knocking on her door with a casserole dish in your hands.
Luckily a large hand had appeared from behind you and knocked on the door for you. Unfortunately, the sudden shock from the silent appearance of a man right behind you startled you so much that the dish fell straight from your hands anyway.
Penelope opened her door upon hearing the crash and you whirled on your would-be attacker.
It was Spencer again, eyes round in shock, hand still curled into a fist.
You took a calming breath as you gathered yourself, trying not to bite his head off. You wanted to scream and shout and rip his head out but you didn't, instead letting the fury drip into your voice as you finally opened your eyes again.
“That dish took me four fucking hours to make.” You huffed in anger once more as Penelope guided you into the apartment and poured you a glass of wine before you moved back to the entry hall to clean it up again.
Needless to say he didn't care to converse with you after that.
A few small parties in between had been blissfully Spencer-less and you'd lulled yourself into a false sense of security. That's when you accepted the Christmas party invitation.
As one of the unlucky few members of the FBI who had to stay out over christmas in case of some emergency or the other, you'd been grounded in Virginia, unable to travel home for the holidays. So Penelope Garcia's singles-only-Christmas-fun-time-Party was your last ditch effort to spend the holidays actually resting and eating good food.
Learning from last time, Penelope reassured you that there was no potluck, that she had prepared all the food herself, and all you'd need were a bottle of wine and a willingness to party.
You'd taken those recommendations as law and had immediately let yourself into a glass of mulled wine as you arrived, and - noticing that the party was Reid-free - had allowed it to raise your Christmas spirits slightly more than you usually would.
By hour two of the event, you were full of yuletide joy and swaying freely along to the tune of Silent Night.
Spencer’s late entrance really would have gone unnoticed by you had you not bumped face first into his chest as you spun yourself around in your dance, his hands quickly falling to your hips to steady you.
The few moments it took you to gather yourself were about as long as you needed to realised that he'd caught you in his arms underneath the mistletoe. And with your mind fogged by mulled-whatever-it-was-Penelope-mixed-into-that-punch, the part of your brain that objected to the very existence of Spencer Reid went silent, and the incredibly tiny and somewhat damaged part of your brain that instead saw him as attractive started shouting loud instructions.
Before your common sense could return, you pushed yourself up on your tiptoes to kiss the very warm, very close man holding you upright.
“Mistletoe,” you muttered as you clawed his arms off of you and took yourself straight to Penelope's bathroom to throw up.
So yes, your acquaintance with Spencer Reid had never been good, and you were perfectly fine with resenting him from afar, privately.
With three years of bad experiences under your belt, you weren't excited at completing your yearly tradition of horrendous interaction. Which is perhaps why you immediately and loudly protested Penelope’s New Years Eve party invitation.
“Y/N, it's a party. What's the worst that can happen?” She pleaded as she followed you down the corridors of the office building.
“I could see Spencer Reid. I could be forced to converse with Spencer Reid. I could get absolutely wasted and kiss Spencer Reid. There, three options, please accept my resignation from partying.”
“Y/N we both know you don't drink anymore, so at least one of those is unlikely to happen. And Spencer might not even come, he has tickets for an indie theatre from 6pm onwards, they're playing some Russian movie from the 60s that's like 4 hours long or something. So u retire yourself and tell me you'll come?” She had to take three or four steps for each of your own, not that you were so different in height but because you were practically marching in order to avoid the topic.
But you finally stopped and let out a sigh as you turned back to Penelope who stopped just before she ran into you.
“You're sure he won't be there?”
“I'm sure he RSVP’d no.”
“Fine. But I'm not drinking and I will still be expecting the Penelope Garcia virgin punch experience.”
“Bring the party poppers and you have a deal.”
“Done.”
–X–
Over the week since you'd accepted the invitation, you'd made peace with it. For the most part, you did love a Penelope Garcia production. There was something wonderful about your friend and her ability to brighten anyone's mood, an ability that was only heightened at holidays. She was like a glittered goddess gaining power when worshippers used her altar, except the altar was her house and the worship was a range of hallmark-induced holidays.
You arrived at the party at 10pm, and though that was the start time you'd been given, you weren't surprised to see a full house of Penelope’s team mates already in attendance. Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss sat spread across the sofa in the living room area, and you noticed a few techie friends also grabbing drinks and chatting.
“Y/N, I'm so glad you're here! You remember everyone on the team, right?” She pulled you into a hug and then sat you down in the middle of the group, waiting for you to mingle and become comfortable before she ran off to more hostess duties.
“Of course, nice to see you guys.” You grabbed your promised punch and sat back comfortably, striking up a conversation with Emily about how bleak the dating scene had been recently.
“It seems like all the men around me are jackasses,” Emily muttered and you giggled along.
“I'm wounded,” Morgan shot back, a hand pressed to his chest in faux pain.
“Good. You're like a lion out there in the clubs stalking gazelles, it's like watching a nature documentary when you're out there.”
You almost snorted your entire drink up your nose as Emily finished, needing to compose yourself for a second.
“I guess the men on our team aren't great with romance,” JJ laughed and took a swing. “Hotch and Rossi have four divorces between them, and Derek here is a lost cause.”
“Our only hope is young Spencer. May he grow into a respectful young gentleman and break out curse,” Emily toasted.
“Oh that ship has sailed,” your laugh this time was bitter, your mood immediately growing sour with even the smallest mention of Spencer Reid.
“Ah, Penelope mentioned you had a problem with our boy wonder. Care to share?”
You opened your mouth to give your standard non-answer and move the conversation along, but you were interrupted.
“Yes, Y/N, care to share? I am slightly curious about that as well.” You turned around and there he was, and your stomach turned in disgust.
Just one time, just one party. You'd been having fun, and here he was to ruin it.
“What are you doing here?” you gaped up at him, unsurprised to see him still decked out in sweater vest and slacks even in his down time.
“I was invited.”
“You declined, Penelope said you had movie tickets.”
“Ticket, singular. And it was cancelled so here I am. What's your problem with me, Y/N?” His jaw clenched and he grabbed the back of your chair and leaned down. It was supposed to be intimidating, but you rolled your eyes. When he looked that attractive, veins in his arms popping out of the sleeves he'd pulled up, you couldn't see him as intimidating. His arms were distracting yes, but God that was nothing compared to his thighs. His pants were tight, and you thanked whatever Clueless tailor had sewn them, because you now allowed yourself a momentary lapse to enjoy the appearance of his lower body.
You tried to shake the thought of his attractiveness from your mind, reminding yourself where you were and in what company.
“I don't think I need to answer that. I think I'll enjoy holding it over your head instead,” you said, standing up and beginning to gather your things.
“Wait, Y/N, where are you going? New Year isn't for another 30 minutes.” Penelope scrambled over and grabbed your hand, pleading with you to stay.
“I'm sorry Pen, but there's just this very annoying bug buzzing around me, and I think I need to get away from it.” You said your goodbyes and excused yourself from the party, happy to have walked away relatively undamaged.
Fate had other plans, and as you stepped out of the apartment building ready to walk yourself home, a hand caught yours from behind as a voice chased you.
“Y/N, wait. I'll go. You go back inside.”
“And return with my tail tucked between my legs after making a grand exit? I'll pass, thanks boy genius.” You shook yourself from his grasp and made to walk away again, but he quickly matched your pace and stepped into your path, cutting you off.
“I can't let you walk home. It's like 40° out here, and your coat is more style than substance.”
“Get into a car with a stranger? I'm sure you of all people know how stupid that sounds.” You stuck a finger out and poked his chest, but he grabbed your hand and held it in place as he spat out his next words.
“I'm not a stranger, I'm the man you're obsessed with, Y/N. Big difference.” You laughed, mostly in shock at his indignance, but he stared at your face as serious as could be.
“Me? Obsessed with you? I'm not the one who followed a woman they're barely acquainted with out of a party filled with all of my friends. Sounds like you're projecting, Spencer.”
“Am I?” He questioned, stepping closer and grabbing your hip as he continued his questioning. “I wasn't the one who was sat there talking about me with all of my colleagues.”
“Well, I wasn't the one who turned up to a party I'd declined an invitation to.”
He was imperceptibly close now, hand gripping your hip so tight you wondered if it'd leave you with a mark.
“I certainly was not the one who initiated a kiss last year, Y/N. You need to face the facts, you're so fucking obsessed with me.” If his hands had you feeling dizzy, his words were completely knocking the sense out of you. Suddenly you returned to the person you'd been under that Mistletoe, and everything from his closeness to the rough edge to his voice begged you to do it once again.
“Go fuck yourself,” was about all the words you could manage as he finally let his lips fall down and crush into your own.
You should've pushed him away, but instead your traitorous body wanted to prove his point, opening up for him faster than you'd opened up to anyone else before.
His tongue flicked against your lips and you gladly let him explore your mouth, opening up to tangle your tongue with his.
He tasted sweet, like the punch Penelope had handed you earlier, only now you wondered if someone had accidentally laced it with how free you were being with your affections.
He resurfaced for air, but you didn't care if there was nothing in your lungs at all if it meant that his lips would engage your own in battle once again.
“Look how much you want me,” he smirked. “Look how needy you are after a single kiss, chasing my lips like that.”
“You and your big fucking mouth. I wish you'd shut up once in a while.”
“I'll make it my new year’s resolution.” His lips joined your own again, and you clashed hard, exploring as much as you could muster as he pulled you in the direction of his car.
“I'm not driving… home… with you,” you growled between kisses, trying not to put your teeth to his neck and bite down hard. You're not sure if that impulse was a murderous one or a kinky one.
“I'm not putting you in the front seat, Y/N, I'm putting you in the back. You should be familiar with the idea.”
Heat sparked between your legs, and you allowed yourself to be manhandled into the beat-up trash heap of a car.
He'd not taken his hands off you as he got you in, pushing himself in first and then pulling you by the hand that you'd unconsciously gripped hard. You immediately straddled his hips, skirt naturally riding up in the process. He noticed and looked curiously down at you, growling as you pressed your lips against his neck and grabbed you instead by the hair gathered in a ponytail at the back of your head.
“See, you're obsessed with me. Just admit it.” Without breaking eye contact, he dug his fingers into the material of your tights and pulled in opposite directions, leaving your underwear exposed to his wandering eyes.
“I'm not obsessed with you,” your voice needed conviction to land, but it came out as a lusty whisper, especially as he slipped his fingers inside your underwear and finally touched your aching cunt.
“Really? Because your pussy is saying something else, Princess.” He found your clit faster than you'd ever expected, rubbing slow circles into your skin as you began rocking your hips back and forth.
It was becoming hard to disagree with him, with each flick of wrist growing the heat between your legs. You attacked his neck again, hands practically ripping at his top buttons so you could muffle the sounds of your arousal against his neck, collarbone, chest, any stretch of that pale skin available to you.
He forced your hips to a stop with one hand as he slipped a single digit inside of your hole, gathering your arousal as he set a steady pace, thumb keeping your bundle of nerves occupied.
“Listen, Y/N, can you hear that?”
“I can't h-hear anything.” You had to grind your teeth together to get the words out with minimal interruptions of moans bursting from the pit of your stomach.
He leaned in close to your ear, nuzzling your neck and placing chaste kisses up towards your ear, finally pulling away just enough to whisper a single word in your ear.
“Liar.”
His hand stilled and pulled off you quickly and your eyes broke open, hands unconsciously fitting into his shirt as if you were worried he was going to leave you there like this, on the edge of pleasure but still so far away.
“Use my thigh. You've been staring at it all night anyway.”
“Jackass. You've only been here for like 20 minutes.”
“You can climb right out of this car if you want to, Y/N.” He tried to keep his tone light, but the death grip he had on your thighs, the very obvious tent pitched in his pants and the way his eyes couldn't go five seconds without undressing you told you you had more power in this interaction than he wanted to give you.
There was no way either of you were letting the other go unused tonight.
You relaxed your grip on his shirt and shifted your weight to one of his thighs. Lithe he may be, but lowering yourself down there was an unexpected strength there. He watched on curiously as you rocked experimentally against him. Back and forth you rocked, trying desperately to keep up his momentum or tempt him to help you out again.
It was time to let your voice back out, and you did, moaning without a care as you hummed his leg like a bitch in heat.
“You're enjoying this lot, huh, Y/N,” he muttered, and you watched as his hand worked his pants zip open, removing one of the barriers in the way between the two of you, as he began palming himself.
“What's that saying? Anything you can do, I can do better?” He growled at that response but didn't stop you. Instead he bought a hand down on your ass as you moved, so hard you jolted at the sudden pain. Your eyes shot open as your hips stilled, but you felt warmth grow between your legs.
“Yes, you definitely enjoyed that. Should I do that again, or do you think we should hurry this up and go back up for the countdown?”
You hesitated only a second before you pushed his hand off his lap, shifting your hips further towards his knees before letting your hand reach for where his had just been.
You didn't let yourself think about how big he was as you pulled his cock free, didn't let yourself wonder how he measured up against anyone you'd been with before. You didn't let yourself waste time thinking about how various office rumours were true, and definitely not a second was wasted feeling jealous about how those rumours were spread in the first place.
Instead you simply slammed your lips back against his, mouth opening to let your tongue engage his as you lifted your hips with his help and lowered yourself down on him.
You didn't have to rid yourself of sinful thoughts after that as he purged every single brain cell from your head, filling you so contently that there was simply no space for anything but him.
You locked up on top of him, clawing at his shoulders as you whimpered at the stretched, falling so he was balls deep inside you. You wanted to move, to use him for your pleasure, but your walls tightened every time you even thought about it as he stroked your hair through it all.
It had been some time since you'd last had a sexual partner, and you needed the few minutes to overcome the first uncomfortable bliss of it all.
“That good?” he whispered, but the harsh tone of earlier was gone, replaced only by unsure humour to break the silence.
“Been a while.” He nodded, kissing you again to distraction as he shifted your positions.
Cradling your neck and securing your legs comfortably around him, he lowered you against the backseat, pulling out slightly as you adjusted to the new angle.
“Better?” You nodded quickly, because it was. There was no more pressure on your legs, and despite the cramped space in the car, you had enough space to lie almost flat.
“Yes… thank you.” Just as his cutting tone had escaped him, you also heard your own tone softening, the sigh of contentment slipping past your lips almost sweet. Almost.
“Are you going to fuck me now, or what?”
He let out a shocked laugh, but lent down to shut you up with a kiss nonetheless. Bracing himself against the car door, his hips softly rocked into you, pace increasing until you were back to the edge of cumming, nails pressed hard into his skin until you were sure he was going to complain.
He didn't though, but kept up his thrusts, until your vision suddenly darkened and stars exploded in them, rolled back in your head as they were.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit, where should I…?” He panicked, but you wrapped your legs around him, grabbing him by the tie and pulling him down to swallow his moan as he shot his load inside of you.
“Birth control.” You whispered when you finally let him go, gasping for air. “Contraceptive pill. No need to get the car dirty.”
He collapsed on top of you then, forehead resting against your own as you both caught your breaths.
The moment was silent, and you found the synchronicity of your breaths almost calming. Eventually you had to break apart, and he helped you up to a sitting position, but didn't break eye contact as fell back into his lap.
His hands stroked your back, dipping to your ass at times, but he didn't talk. Neither of you did.
The eye contact between the two of you was possibly the most pleasant conversation you'd ever had.
“I'm sorry.” He blurted, just as fireworks erupted into the night sky. Your heart shook, and you weren't sure of it was the shock of the sound, or the way the rainbow of lights illuminated his sincere expression.
“You don't have to apologise for cumming in me, Spencer.”
“Not that. Before. The casserole and the mistletoe, and the Halloween costume.”
“Wow. Um, okay. Apology accepted, I guess, though I'm not entirely sure why you're apologising now.”
He took a deep breath just as another set of fireworks went up.
“I pulled you under the mistletoe. It was Penelope’s idea, she knew how stupid I was being around you and sent me over. I saw it and took the chance.”
“Fuck. Why?”
“Because I was pretty useless at being chivalrous the year before.”
You climbed off his lap in a scramble and sat on the seat beside him, mind racing, trying to figure out where the hell he was going with this.
He turned to you, trying to keep your attention as he stumbled over the words.
“You couldn't knock on the door, so I wanted to help you, but I didn't think I'd scare you so much you'd drop it.”
“You didn't scare me it was a momentary lapse in my observational skills.”
“You shrieked,” a smile threatened to pull his lips up, they twitched as you flushed red.
“And Halloween?” You looked at him again now, trying to figure out what the hell was going on between the two of you.
“You refused to look at me for a year after we stopped working together,” he shrugged quickly running a hand through his hair and expelling a breath. “I don’t really know how to talk to women.”
“You just know how to piss them off?”
“Morgan says it comes naturally.”
“Yeah, well, Morgan is very wise.”
A brief silence stretched between you, or as silent as a night full of cracks, pops, whizzes and bangs could be.
“I don't get it. You tried your best to get rid of me when I was there to help you. I wanted to impress you, and you kept sending me on meaningless errands, and now you're saying what? You wanted my attention?” There was a quiet anger to your voice, but you were surprised to find it diminished and tired.
“I wanted you gone because you were distracting me, Y/N, not because I hated you.”
“Well, what's the difference, Doctor Reid? Please indulge me.” You huffed a little but kept your eyes on him, trying not to seem too desperate for his answer.
“I have an IQ of 187. Emily says when I'm around a pretty girl it's more like 52,” he fidgeted with his pants, forcing the words out.
“You're a pretty girl. We had a case to work and all I could think about was how to get you to like me. Hotch chewed me out like three separate times for being absent minded.”
He was looking anywhere but you, trying his best not to appear like a fool but you were locked onto him.
“Oh my god you're an idiot.”
“When you're around, yes.”
“And that means I'm equally stupid.”
“No, you just jump to conclusions and hold grudges. There wasn't anything really that stupid about your actions, though it could be suggested that not thoroughly thinking through the wording of the conversation you overheard-”
You cut him off with a kiss, pulling him down again mlby his tie.
“Oh my god, shut up,” you whispered as you broke apart.
“Does that mean we can do this again? Because I'd like to do this again?”
“Stop talking, start kissing jackass.”
He finally didn't argue with that, pulling you back into him as you sat under the stars in his car welcoming the new year.
1K notes · View notes
theemporium · 6 months
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“Baby?” 
Silence.
“Babe?”
Silence.
“Luke?”
Silence. 
“Are you awake?”
“No.”
You let out a small huff as you shifted once again, like you had been doing for the last fifteen minutes. Luke had tried to ignore it, tried to pretend that he was already asleep and that he didn’t notice the way you kept wiggling around. But it was hard to ignore it when you were practically shaking the whole bed every twenty seconds. 
“Stop being rude,” you muttered as you turned your body so you were facing him. You tucked one arm under your pillow, the other picking at the duvet in the space between you both. “I can’t fall asleep.”
His brows furrowed together slightly, even if his eyes were still closed. “You good?”
“I don’t know,” you whispered honestly. 
You didn’t know why you felt so off. Everything seemed fine. In fact, everything seemed perfect. This was the first year you were invited to join your boyfriend at the lakehouse. You had met Luke just before last summer had started, near the end of the hockey season at a coffee shop. It felt like a scene written out of a book or a romcom, with him rushing out as you were rushing in—only to collide and have iced coffees split over both of you. 
It had been an awkward but wholesome meeting. Luke was fumbling over his words, his cheeks burning pink and his brain seeming unable to properly work with a pretty girl right in front of him. You found it endearing, especially when Jack had opened his window to yell at his brother to hurry up before they were late to morning skate. 
Luke had blurted out, asking for your number and it had been a dream ever since. 
You spent all of last summer texting and calling and getting to know each other. When he came back to Jersey, you met up at the same coffee shop for your first date, which only led to many, many more. And when summer rolled around again, Luke had asked for you to come with him and his friends to the lakehouse, and you had accepted. 
The lakehouse was a dream. It was the perfect summer destination, his friends were amazing and his family were even better. You got along with his mother, you bonded with his father, you laughed with his brothers, you joked with his friends. It was perfect, and yet you were still unable to wave off the tightness in your chest that hadn’t left. 
And now, lying in the dark room after a long day out on the lake, you should have fallen asleep the second your head hit the pillow like Luke was fighting to do right now. Instead, you were squirming and rolling around and trying to shake off the weirdest urge to cry.
“C’mere,” Luke murmured as he opened his arms, giving you a total of three seconds to react before he was wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest. “Talk to me.” 
“M’sorry, you were about to sleep,” you muttered, your cheek pressed against his chest and it helped a little. “We can talk in the morning.”
“I don’t wanna sleep if you’re not okay,” Luke said with a frown on his face. He blinked his eyes open, the bleariness still there as he looked down at you. “What’s going on in that pretty head?” 
You sighed, your arms winding around his torso as you settled on top of him. “Just feel…weird.”
“Weird?”
“Weird,” you repeated with a small shrug. “It’s probably nothing. I’m just getting in my own head.”
“Baby, don’t do that,” Luke grumbled, softly pinching your hip in retaliation as you squealed softly. 
“This helps,” you reassured him. “Being with you helps.”
“It does?” He questioned, sounding adorably clueless and flattered, and it made your lips twitch.
“Yeah, it helps being close to you,” you said to him, settling happily as his arms tightened around you. “You make me feel safe.” 
“Oh,” he murmured before he smiled a little. “You make me feel safe as well.”
“I’ll be fine, Luke,” you murmured, pressing a chaste kiss on his chest just where his heart was beating. “I’ll fall asleep now.” 
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
But you didn’t. Because despite feeling safer in Luke’s arms, it didn’t stop the thoughts whirling around in your brain. It eased the tightness in your chest, but not the chaos in your head. And despite thinking you weren’t being obvious, Luke could feel how tense and rigid you were in his arms. He knew you weren’t fine. He knew you were getting in your own head. And he wanted to help. 
“Mmph,” you let out a surprised noise when Luke rolled over, the comforting weight of his body on top of you as he lifted his head up. “Luke—”
“Do you trust me?” He asked suddenly, cutting you off.
“Of course,” you breathed out before nodding. “Of course I do.”
“Just relax f’me then, okay?” He muttered out sleepily as his hands squeezed your hips before one hand started to slip beneath the waistband of your shorts. 
“Luke–” You started again, but he swiftly quieted you with a kiss. It was embarrassing how quickly you melted into his embrace, feeling your stomach dip with excitement as his tongue worked its way into your mouth as his large palm cupped your cunt.
“Just need to get that brain of yours to calm down,” he murmured between slow, messy kisses as his thumb pressed against your clit in slow circles. “Need you to just lay there and look pretty, okay?”
“Okay,” you breathed out, your eyes fluttering shut as his kisses slowly trailed down to your neck.
“Good girl,” he praised in a low voice, pushing your downs until they were abandoned somewhere by the foot of the bed. His fingers softly glided through your folds, humming in delight when he felt you already dripping for him. “That’s my girl.” 
“Luke,” you whispered, so aware that the house was silent and that people were asleep, but so uncaring when your boyfriend slowly worked you open. “Please.”
“I know, babe, I know,” he murmured in a hushed voice. “Just gotta trust me, okay?”
“Mhmm,” you whined, a little breathy and high-pitched, and it made his cock twitch.
You felt like you were already spiralling with his fingers curled inside you, slowly thrusting in and out as he hit spots that your own fingers never seemed to reach. You could feel yourself getting closer and closer—and then he pulled out.
“No,” you cried out with a whimper, glossy eyes finding his in the dark as he chuckled softly. “Why—”
“Shhh, gonna fill you up, babe,” he assured you, silencing you once again with a kiss as his free hand worked his cock out of his boxers. “No need to cry about it.” 
Your mouth fell open with a silent scream as he slowly pushed inside you, so big and deep and overwhelming that it was hard to focus on anything except the pleasurable burn of him stretching you out. Your nails dug into his skin, legs wrapped around his waist to keep him from moving away and it was hard to think about anything else other than himhimhimhimhim—
“There we go,” he groaned, his face nuzzled into the crook of your neck as he laid on top of you. “Takin’ me so well, baby.”
“Luke,” you breathed out. 
“Shhh, just gonna stay like this,” he told you in a whispered voice, his hands tracing up and down your sides. “Just gonna keep you full, okay? We’re gonna sleep like this tonight.”
Your eyes clenched shut as he thrusted a little deeper inside you. “But—”
“Nuh uh, just like this, pretty girl,” he murmured, kissing the pulse point on your neck. “Think you can do that f’me?”
“Yeah,” you nodded, clinging onto him.
“Atta girl,” he hummed. “Gonna keep you safe, okay?”
“You always do,” you retorted instantly.
“Exactly, baby. Go to sleep, I’ve got you.”
“Goodnight, Luke.”
“Goodnight, baby.”
.
2K notes · View notes
froggibus · 1 year
Text
The Three Times You Share A Bed - Leon S Kennedy
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Pairing: Leon Kennedy x reader
Genre: fluff, some light angst thrown in towards the end?
Word Count: 2.7k
Summary: two times you sleep in leon's bed, and the one time he sleeps in yours
CW: roommate! Leon, kinda friends to lovers?, light angst, abandonment issues, paranoia, fear + insomnia, mentions of zombies, bedsharing, leon has intimacy issues (get therapy challenge)
OMG HAPPY RE4 RELEASE!!! I am SO excited to play once im done work this weekend! Leon looks so damn fine in the gameplay ive seen and i am going FERAL! pls no spoilers for anything new in the game! <3
RE4 remake spoiler free zone!! I have yet to play the remake so there are no spoilers in this!
————
The telltale clicking of a key in the door has you on your feet in seconds, abandoning the plush throw blanket on the couch. Before it even opens, you’re standing on the doormat. You feel a little silly, like a golden retriever waiting for its owner, but the shame is washed away when Leon steps through the door.
It’s been three weeks since you’ve last seen your roommate and best friend, and just as long since you last had company. He raises an eyebrow at the sight of you standing in front of him, the dark circles under his eyes becoming more prominent. 
“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” He sighs and drops his backpack on the floor, locking the door behind him.
“How was it?”
You fight the urge to wrap your arms around his broad shoulders and inhale his scent, knowing that’s not what friends do. Still, the feeling is there and if he went in for it, you’d reciprocate in a heartbeat.
He opens the fridge and beams at the fully stocked drinks and snacks. He cracks open a can of cider and leans against the counter. “Long,” he admits, “way too long. And my nose is still burning from the smell of rotten flesh.” You crinkle your nose at the thought. Leon’s never been much of a talker and most of his work being classified didn’t help. Whenever something wasn’t top secret, though, you were sure to sit there and listen no matter how horrific the details were.
You settle in on the couch next to the agent, listening to him drone on about a zombie-like creature that had peeling flesh and fifty eyes. You could vividly picture it from his words alone, and the image of the creature sent a shiver up your spine.
Leon talks for hours, spilling every miniscule detail of every horror he encounters. You stay the whole time, nodding along. Leon laughs at the way you scrunch your face in disgust or close your eyes in fear. He hates how cute you are, but he can’t seem to stop telling you stories. After many hours and a few drinks between the two of you, he’s almost run out of stories to tell.
Leon pats your shoulder gently, collecting his cans from where he’d set them on the coffee table. “I need a shower,” he states. “I’ll see you tomorrow, y/n.”
“Go shower. You stink,” you joke and punch him in the ribs.
He feigns injury at your blow, pretending to suck in a breath like you’d really hurt him. He keeps up the facade the whole way to his bedroom, only leaving character when he shuts the door behind him.
It’s only when he’s disappeared that you realize how late it's gotten—and how dark. Even though your shared apartment is on the 19th floor, you can’t help but worry something is going to crawl through your window. You shake the thoughts away and get ready for bed, but every gust of wind and rustling of leaves makes you flinch.
You close your eyes and tug your comforter over your head, hoping that if there is something out there, it won’t know you’re there. You toss and turn for a while longer, staying dead quiet and pushing your fears away.
Finally, you can’t take it anymore. You take a deep breath, throw your comforter off of your shoulders, and sprint to Leon’s room. It’s like your brain is on autopilot—it knows exactly where to go to be safe.
You don’t knock on the door, instead quietly twisting the knob and slipping in through a crack in the door. Leon sits up as soon as your feet touch the wooden floor, eyes snapping towards your silhouette. He’s been a light sleeper ever since Racoon City, waking at the slightest of sounds.
He relaxes at the sight of you but only for a second. He glances at his digital clock, eyes widening at the time. “Y/n? What are you still doing up?”
“I-I couldn’t sleep…I feel like a flesh eating zombie is going to climb through my window and eat me.”
He chuckles. “That would be my fault.” He shuffles over in bed and pulls back the comforter. “You’re more than welcome to stay here for the night.”
You crawl into bed next to him, keeping as much distance between the two of you as possible. You can feel his body heat radiating through the blankets and smell his body wash on his skin. The feeling is new, yet so familiar it eases you instantly.
“Leon?”
He hums in response.
“Is it safer to sleep next to the window or the door? From like, a secret agent standpoint.”
“We’re on the 19th floor so window, but unless it's a hotel room, the door. You would more than likely hear it if they broke down the front door so you’d have more time to get out.”
You think for a second. “Can we switch places?”
“Honestly, y/n,” he laughs dryly, “the safest place to sleep right now is next to me.”
Your face warms at that and you nod, relaxing into his pillows. While you drift off to sleep, Leon watches over you. He knows nothing is going to come for you here, but he did promise to keep you safe, and he’ll keep that promise no matter what.
When you get home, you’re in a foul mood. You practically throw the groceries onto the counter before walking to your room and throwing yourself onto your bed. It’s been a long day. All of the stores were so busy you could hardly get through the aisles, and all of the people you encountered were rude.
Leon comes out of his room a few minutes later. Seeing the groceries abandoned on the counter, his first thought is to check on you. He doesn’t check on you, though. Not yet, anyway. He knows you’ll just be more upset if the frozen items melt and the milk sits out all night, so he sets out on putting them away.
After almost an hour of laying in your bed trying to recuperate after the day you’ve had, you’re snapped out of it by a text.
Leon: Come here, I have a surprise for you
You don’t feel like leaving your bed, but you force yourself out of it anyway. It’s not Leon you’re mad at. Leon is probably the only person in the world you don’t hate right now. You knock on his door softly, holding your arms behind your back.
“Come in!” He shouts.
You open the door, shuffling into his room and closing it behind you. Your jaw drops when you see a tray in the middle of his bed piled high with your favorite snacks, drinks and two wine glasses. Leon pats the spot next to him and you’re happy to oblige, relaxing onto the mattress.
“You didn’t have to do this, you know.”
He shrugs, pouring you a glass of wine. “It already seems like you had a bad day, I just wanted to do something to make it a little better for you.”
“Thank you.” He nods in acknowledgement, turning on his tv and handing you the remote. “You can choose the first movie. Just—maybe no zombies?”
You snort at that. Classic Leon, using his corny jokes to make light of even the worst of situations. You settle on an old favorite movie you love, handing the remote back to the blond and switching it for a wine glass.
Between your favorite movie, the delicious wine and your favorite snacks, your spirits are lifted in no time. One movie turns into two, and two turns into three. Soon enough, you’re dozing off in Leon’s bed.
He moves the tray of snacks and the glasses off of the bed to give you more room to sprawl out. Laying down next to you, he watches you sleep. A part of him wishes he could see this every night—the same sight he fantasizes about on even the hardest of missions.
He flicks off the lamp on his side table and settles in. “Good night, cutie,” he mumbles, knowing you’re far too deep in sleep to hear him.
You wake up in the middle of the night, moonlight streaming through the window and illuminating Leon’s bedroom. You’re still numb from sleep, your senses dulled just enough that it takes you a minute to realize that something is grabbing you. No, not grabbing—holding. 
You blink a few times. Leon is laying next to you, his chest pressed to your back, his arms around your waist. You can feel the slow beating of his heart and the heat coming off of his skin. He’s so close it overwhelms you, yet it’s all you’ve ever wanted.
You think about slipping away but you know what a light sleeper he is, and you don’t think you could handle it if he woke up and saw how close you were. You close your eyes and try to calm the beating in your heart so you can fall back asleep.
When you wake up again, Leon is gone. Your body feels cold where his once was. You sit up—is he showering? He can’t be, the bathroom door is open. You sit up, letting the blankets fall off of you. You swing your legs over the side of his bed, walking out to the kitchen, but he’s not there either.
Did he leave to go get something? 
You check your phone, expecting to see a text saying he ran out to go get more milk or something, but there’s nothing. You sigh, typing up a message and sending it to him.
Y/N: where’d you go?
You practically jump when your phone lets out a noise, but your heart sinks when you see what it is.
Message Not Delivered. Try Again?
You sigh. That can only mean one thing: he’s on another mission. Typical Leon, disappearing in the middle of the night to go god knows where for god knows how long. The frustration bubbles up in your chest and you feel like hitting something, but you don’t. It’s not worth it.
You try to keep your mind off of his sudden disappearance by throwing yourself into chores. You wash his bedding and make his bed, then wash your own. You sweep and mop the floors and vacuum the carpets. You dust the blinds.
It doesn’t help.
Your mind keeps wandering back to the fact that he left without saying goodbye. That he woke up at some ungodly hour, saw you laying in his arms, got up and left without another word. He didn’t even leave a note. He really cares that little. 
You shake your head and even though the pit in your stomach makes you feel like not eating, you make yourself a sandwich regardless. Seeing the untouched groceries in the fridge just adds to the feeling.
Even though you know he’s not going to get it, you pull out your phone and start typing.
Y/N: do you at least know when you’ll be back?
Message Not Delivered. Try Again?
The message makes you roll your eyes. Leon fucking Kennedy.
A week goes by, and then two, and you still hear nothing from your roommate. You send texts here and there, hoping for an answer, but none of them go through. Eventually, you start venting to him through there, too. Expressing how frustrated you are that he didn’t say goodbye, how annoying your feelings are, how sometimes you wish you didn’t know him so you didn’t have to go through this.
It’s a random Sunday night when you’re sitting on the couch, watching trash reality tv and eating snacks. It’s cold in the apartment, but you can’t be bothered to turn on the heat. Only when your arms puff up with goosebumps do you scour the room for a sweater, settling on a random one hanging on the back of a chair.
It’s Leon’s, an old one from the Police Academy. His smell floods your nose when you pull it over your head, and it's so bittersweet you don’t know if you should laugh or cry. You settle back on the couch, but a rustling at the window makes you freeze in your tracks.
It stops for a moment, and you can almost convince yourself you’ve imagined it or it’s a part of the show—until it happens again. You scramble for the remote, pausing it so you can hear better. The noise starts again, and you waste no time in hightailing it to your bedroom and slamming the door behind you.
You flop onto your bed, trying (and failing) to remind yourself that it’s just the wind. That you’re safe here. But it’s hard when it’s late and you’re tired and you’re alone and the only person you feel safe with just abandoned you.
You curl up into a ball, pulling Leon’s sweater over your mouth and inhaling the familiar scent. It’s enough to calm you down, if only for a few moments. If you close your eyes, you can almost trick yourself into thinking he’s there, and for now, that’s good enough.
Leon knows he fucked up when he gets back to the country and turns on his phone. Almost fifty messages from you, each one more sad than the last. He wants to slap himself—why couldn’t he just grow a pair and say goodbye? Why did he have to be so noncommittal?
He reads every message on the cab ride back to the apartment, and his heart breaks for you. He didn’t think about how you would drive yourself crazy over him or how worried you must have been. All he thought about was getting the call for the mission in the middle of the night and not wanting to wake you up.
But he didn’t abandon you. He thought about you every day and god—he wishes he could have talked to you. Hearing your voice and seeing your face was enough to make everything better. With the horrors he’s seen lately, all he wants is to be back in that bed with you for one more night.
He’s quiet coming into the apartment, hoping he doesn’t wake you up or scare you. And even though he knows you’re sleeping, he’s still disappointed you’re not waiting at the door for him.
He tosses his backpack into his room and strips off all of his holsters and velcro.  He’s quiet walking down the hallway to your room and even quieter opening the door. He relaxes at the sight of you curled up in a ball. 
You look so cute and so peaceful and—is that his sweater? The sight brings a smile to his face. He closes the door behind him with a soft click, climbing into the bed next to you.
You wake up when the bed dips down and arms wrap around you. You’re so tired you don’t even care who or what it is.
“If you’re gonna kill me, can you at least let me sleep first?” You mumble.
You fully awake as soon as you hear Leon’s laugh.
“You’re back?” You say, and you hate the way your voice cracks. 
You turn around to face him, tired ocean eyes meeting yours. He nods sleepily, “‘m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. It was stupid of me.”
“It’s okay,” and it really is okay. All the resentment you felt melted away at the sight of him. 
“C’mere,” he mumbles. 
You lay your head on his chest, wrapping your arms around him. You can hear his heart rate slow down at the contact. 
“I just—I just need you tonight.” Those are big words coming from the agent, and they leave you completely stunned. He must have seen or done something horrible while he was away for him to be this vulnerable, even with you.
“You can have me tonight.” You try to keep your voice even, “you can have me whenever you need me,”
He kisses the top of your head. “But I always need you.”
“Then I’m always yours.”
Neither of you speak after that, Leon falling into a light sleep. You stay up a while longer, watching the blond boy rest beneath you. He looks so fragile like this, you can’t imagine him fighting off monsters and handling weapons. You kiss his collarbone through his shirt and let yourself fall asleep with him. 
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maryangelex · 8 months
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Let Them Know Who You Belong To
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Simon “Ghost” Riley x f! Reader
Summary: You and Ghost had been having a secret situationship for a couple of months now. Lately, though, he had grown possessive over you, getting jealous at any interaction you had with the other soldiers in the base. And it was time he taught you a lesson about who you belonged to.
Warning: nsfw, jealous! simon riley, possessive! simon riley, unprotected sex, p in v sex, shower sex, established relationship, praise kink, dom! simon riley, bratty! reader, claiming, rough sex, smut with little plot, degradation kink, manhandling, not proofread
A/N: so that price fanfic did pretty damn well ;) and I thought I’d try my hand again at writing a smutty fic for simon cus I’m down bad for him. Promise this one will be shorter… hopefully… enjoy!!!
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For the last couple of months, you and Ghost had been exclusively fucking each other. Ever since you gathered the courage to fess up your little crush and horny fantasies to him, he’d been kindly fucking your brains out every time you asked (sometimes you didn’t even have to).
But of course, a man like Ghost wouldn’t settle down for anyone, certainly not you; he wasn’t your boyfriend, he was just someone that thoroughly enjoyed using you like his personal whore. The two of you had set that boundary very early on and it had been working out since for both.
Which is precisely why Ghost was conflicted about his current feelings as he watched you swoon with one of the men in the base. He watched you from a safe distance, watched as you were cornered against the wall by some guy way below your league, he thought. You were too fine a woman to stand there listening to some average guy’s rambling. Still he watched you giggle at whatever he was saying, batting your eyelashes at him, nudging his arm when he made you laugh.
As he watched you his stomach recoiled, his gloved fist clenched and jaw gritted under his mask. What the fuck could this daft bastard be saying that’s making you laugh so hard?
You caught a glimpse of Ghost in the opposite end of the hallway, leaning against the wall with his eyes burning a hole through you. You looked at him through your peripheral vision, shooting him a devilish smirk because you knew it was getting under his skin that you were entertaining another bloke. Truth be told, you weren’t even listening to what this guy was saying; a lot of words and a whole lot of nothing. Regardless, you made a performance for him, laughing and touching the man’s muscled arm as if he was the most riveting man you had come across, all because you loved seeing Ghost’s panties get in a twist. You loved it when he became possessive of you, when he’d get all worked up and reminded you that you were exclusively, his despite there being nothing between the two of you except amazing sex.
He pushed himself off the wall, mumbling curses to himself as he turned away and left. He knew your smirk was directed at him, knew you were riling him up on purpose because he fucked you so good when you made him angry. What a slut you were.
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Later that day, you waited for everyone else to hit the showers before you did. You liked having the whole communal space to yourself, so you were always last to take your time and enjoy the privacy. You hadn’t seen Ghost the whole day after that little performance. He must be sulking somewhere and waiting for you to come to him. But you decided you’d let it simmer, leave it for the next day.
You turned on the shower, letting it warm up as you stripped naked and stepped in once it was at a comfortable temperature. You saturated your body and hair, closing your eyes as the water ran down your head and face, enjoying the sensation of it, your tense muscles relaxing. You were blissfully unaware of your surroundings, unwinding from a long day of bullshit from your superiors.
Ghost had spent the whole day scheming about how he’d get back at you for your little antics. He knew your nightly routine of being the very last one to shower. So, he waited for you to enter the shower and he followed close behind you. He snuck inside the shower room, stealthily creeping in without you having a clue. As he faced the shower curtain, he stepped out of his boots, stripping silently and creeping on you covering your naked body in soap suds.
You were facing the shower, eyes still closed, running your soapy washcloth along your body mindlessly. Suddenly, you heard the sound of the shower curtain being ripped open, the sound of metal rings clanking on the bar and rustled plastic. You jumped, shooting your eyes open and looking behind you to find Ghost there.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Ghost!” You scolded, keeping a whisper to not alert anyone outside the shower room.
He was standing there naked with the exception of his mask still on but rolled up to his nose. His eyes matched the scowl plastered on his lips; he was proper pissed.
“What, did you think I’d let you get away with that little show you put on for me today?” He growled, stepping into the shower with you.
“Wha— Simon, you’re not supposed to be here!” You ignored his question, genuinely concerned about his intrusion and the possibility of someone coming in. You knew he’d show up to put you in your place but didn’t anticipate it to be at a place like this.
“I asked you a question,” he insisted, grabbing your waist and turning you around to face him. He held your body close to his with a hand wrapped around your waist; you could feel his cock pressed stiff against your abdomen.
You gulped, looking up into his deep brown eyes; they were dark with anger and lust, couldn’t tell which it was more of. You looked at him like a deer in headlights.
“Answer me,” he said through gritted teeth, his grip on your waist tightening. His other hand flew to grasp your jaw, holding it tightly not letting you even try to look away from him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you lied, looking at him with a smug expression, a twinge of a smirk curling at the corners of your mouth. He murmured a curse as his grip on your jaw slid down to your neck, holding it firmly.
“Don’t play with me, sweetheart. You know what you did wrong today… and you know the consequences of fuckin’ with me”
In a swift movement, he spun you around, making you face the wall again. You caught yourself from falling by holding your arms out against the wall. You felt one of his hands on your abdomen, keeping you pressed against his body, ass flush with his cock. The other hand entwined in the crown of your head, grasping and pulling your wet hair.
The way he held you drew a whimper from your lips. Your head fell back as he pulled your hair, and you felt his lips against your ear, his hot breath on your skin.
“You enjoy me punishing you, huh, you little slut?” He whispered, his words like poison seething out of his lips.
You responded with just another whimper. “Y-yes” was all you could muster.
“Yes, what? Address your superiors, soldier”
“Yes, sir”
You heard a pleased sound rumble in his throat, then felt his breath on your neck followed by the sensation of his teeth nipping at the tender skin on your neck, making you yelp.
“S-Simon…” You pleaded.
The hand that wasn’t gripping your hair migrated behind you, his palm colliding loudly against your ass, making you jump and whimper at the burning sensation of Ghost’s large hand smacking your asscheek red.
“That’s ‘sir’ to you, sweetheart,” he said, his hand on your ass squeezing and soothing the sensitive flesh.
“ ‘m gonna teach you how to behave, how to be a good girl for me…and everyone in this base is gonna hear it, understood?”
Your face turned bright red and hot. You nodded as best as you could with Ghost’s unrelenting grip on your hair still. “That’s my good slut,” he whispered.
Ghost released your hair, both of his hands sliding to the front of your torso. The two calloused hands moved to squeeze your breasts possessively. His mouth was on the crook of your neck, giving the skin a primal bite, then soothing it with a few tender kisses. You moaned at the sensation.
His fingers toyed with your nipples, pinching them and pulling them up, both simultaneously in synchronicity. He alternated between doing so and massaging the soft sacks. You turned to face him, to try and manage to kiss him. But he pulled away, the clasps on your nipples stilling as he tugged them in a punishing manner. You winced in pleasure.
“Uh-uh, you don’t deserve that,” he mocked you.
Ghost moved his hands up to your shoulders, pushing your torso forward. If it hadn’t been for your hands on the wall you would’ve face planted the tile in front of you with the force of his movements. Now your back was arched, torso leaned forward, and ass presented for him.
He caressed his hands down your back, the gesture felt condescending given how he was treating you. They stopped at your ass cheeks, squeezing them once more. Then, you felt the sting of his hand striking the right one, then the left one. He did that a couple more times, alternating between the two cheeks. You moaned and winced at the mix of pain and pleasure.
“S-sir, please,” you began.
“Please, what? Use your words.
“Just fuck me already, please!”
“Fuck you? I said I’d punish you, love. Good girls get fucked; dirty sluts like you get punished”
As he squeezed your ass he spread both of your cheeks, revealing your slick cunt to him.
“Look at you, your pussy’s glistening f’me. You like me treatin’ you like this, huh?” He chuckled maliciously. You felt two of his thick fingers run up and down the folds of your cunt; you moaned in response.
Ghost slid the two digits inside of you at a painfully slow pace. “Fuckkk, you swallowed them whole, sweetheart, this pussy’s so desperate to be fucked. Too bad ‘m gonna take my sweet time torturing you”
You let out a moan at the intrusion inside of you, then at the feeling of his fingers sliding in and out oh so slowly. It was driving you crazy, you just wanted him to ram them into you quick and replace them with his cock already.
“Please, sir, I’ll be good I promise, please just move faster” you sobbed.
“I don’t take orders from you, love” his fingers curled inside your walls, making you jolt at the tight feeling. His other hand kneaded at your ass while he stroked his fingers in an out of you, pace not picking up, and curling them up deep inside of you.
His cock was throbbing at the sight of his fingers entering and exiting you, at how good you looked begging for him to fuck you with your cheeks spread for him like this.
He pumped his fingers in and out, pulling moans out of you. You kept yourself still trying not to push your ass back to fuck yourself on his fingers. You tried your best to be a good girl for him like he ordered; you were just so obedient.
“See? You can be such a good girl for me. Good job princess,” he praised you, “you earned yourself this…”
Ghost reached his other hand around you, settling it between your legs at the front of your pussy, using his index and middle finger to circle your swollen clit. Now he was picking up the pace of the fingers fucking you as well as the two rubbing your sensitive bud. You basked in the feeling, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you let out a breathless moan.
Your legs spread apart to allow him more access to toy your pussy. Your eyes closed as you relished the way he rewarded you.
“Th-thank you, sir” you moaned.
Ghost chuckled “You like that, baby? You like me rewarding you? See how good I can make my girl feel?”
His girl, you thought. You were his girl, you belonged to him. He knew the right ways to touch you, knew his way around your body; how to please you, how to torture you. You bit your lip at the thought and responded with a hum.
He fucked you with his fingers and played with your clit some more, feeling your walls clench around him, indicating that you were close to cumming.
You were a mess of moans and whimpers at this point, mouth agape, letting them fall out of it. Your eyes in the back of your skull and your head thrown back, back arched to the limit. You felt his fingers twist and curl into your pussy, drilling into you, his speed had picked up significantly; that mixed with the pressure on your throbbing clit sent you over the edge.
And soon enough, you were releasing choked out moans, pussy spasming around his fingers as you were getting ready to cum. A wave of pleasure was surging in you and you were eager to let it wash over you.
But Ghost had other plans, so he took his hands away from you, now gripping your hips. You practically sobbed.
“N-no, no, no, Simon— sir, please! Please, please, let me cum I’m so close, please!” You were crying at this point, looking back at Ghost with pleading eyes. You met his face that wore an evil smirk, his eyes dark with malice.
“That’s a good fucking girl. You’re so pretty when you beg for me to let you cum.” He chuckled, his hands massaging your hips, holding them tightly.
“You’re not gonna cum until I do, lovie” he said, aligning the painfully swollen head of his cock with your desperate cunt. He relentlessly slammed his cock inside of you, making you cry out in pain and pleasure. He was so rough but you were yearning to be filled by his massive member. He let out a primal groan when he felt your warm walls clasp his dick inside of you.
“ ‘m gonna fuck you senseless now, alright? That fucker you were giggling with would never fuck you this good, would he, princess?”
“No! Never, never like you, sir! No one’s as good as you!” You moaned, your walls clenched around his motionless cock to give yourself some relief. Then, you felt Ghost slowly pull out entirely, before ramming his dick back inside of you, making you cry out.
He pounded into you, slowly but firmly and deep. His grip on your hips was bruising as he slammed himself inside of you. The obscene sound of skin slapping against skin was louder than the sound of the water hitting the tiles. You moaned consumed by euphoria.
Ghost held your hip with one hand while the other slithered to the back of your neck, holding it to make himself slam into you impossibly deeper and harsher. Your tender ass cheeks were growing redder from his skin slapping against them. His pace was quick and rough, groans and curses falling from his lips.
“You’re fuckin’ mine, ya hear me? My girl, my pussy to fuck. This cunt belongs to me…only for my cock”
You responded with a string of moans and yeses, too cockdrunk and out of it to say any proper responses. Your climax was creeping up on you once again; the wave rising.
Then, you felt Ghost maneuver your body, twisting your torso slightly to the side, and lifting one of your legs by your thigh. You were now almost on your side, the leg in his grasp opening your cunt better for him, and you were standing on your other leg with some leverage from your arm on the wall. If it wasn’t for Ghost holding most of your bodyweight, you would’ve toppled over.
This new angle made him penetrate you deeper, opening yourself up for him. And now you could see behind you, him standing there thrusting deeply into you, huffing like an animal as he fucked you silly.
He was a sight to behold; muscles coated in water and sweat, glistening with droplets of water running down his body, his lips parted and juicy, practically drooling for you, and his eyes devoured you.
“There’s my girl, that face is so fuckin’ pretty,” he said as he thrust into you quickly and deeply
“Love how deep I am in your pussy…gonna make me cum soon… ‘m gonna cum in your pussy so you know it’s mine.”
“Gh-Ghost, ahh, I wanna cum, please” you moaned, tears running down your face.
“Cum for me, baby, you have permission. Say my fucking name, make sure everyone hears you.” He said breathlessly, possessively, with a hint of sweetness. “Make sure everyone knows who fucks you this good, who you belong to.”
And that you did. You moaned “Simon” loudly, practically screaming his name. You repeated it over and over like a chant as you came undone on his cock. You clenched around him, legs shaking as you came and sobbed out his name. Your body went limp as Ghost held you, fucking you and using you to attain his own climax.
His hips shook, thrusts faltering as he released hot, sticky ropes of cum that pooled within you. You moaned in unison as you felt him flood your pussy. He cursed under his breath, his thighs shaking as he came down from his high.
He held your tired body and accommodated you, helping you stand. You both panted in the shower. Cum was dripping down your leg and Ghost helped your rinse it away since you were too drained to even move. You were trying to catch your breath, legs wobbly and your pussy abused.
He loved the sight of you all fucked out like this. And you loved how he took care of you after fucking you like this. You turned to face him, using his shoulders to support yourself, and looked into his eyes; a tired smile on your lips.
“Do I deserve a kiss now?” You said innocently.
Ghost scoffed, unable to help how the corners of his lips curled. He cupped your face with one hand and leaned in to kiss you. He was hungry for it, definitely wanting to kiss you this whole time but holding back to drive his point home. You kissed him with as much pleasure and desire, humming into his mouth.
“You’re fuckin’ mine, ya hear me? Don’t wanna see you do that again” He scolded you in a whisper against your lips.
You let out an impish giggle, “I just love riling you up. But I’m all yours, Si.”
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A/N: I’m sorry!!! It’s long as fuck again!!! But I tried!!! Anyways >:( hope you loved it you rascals <3
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donatellawritings · 8 days
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ON MY KNEES BEGGING TO KNOW HOW BFF!RAFE FEELS ABOUT LATINA READER GETTING DRUNK OR DOING COKE LLAPLSPLSPLS!!!!!
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you were the prettiest girl at the party. all tipsy and glossy eyed, plump tits on full display as they bounced around in your skimpy triangle bikini, the fat of your plush ass cheeks poking out from underneath your lily pink juicy couture miniskirt as you pranced your way around topper’s backyard, dior kitten heels sporadically clicking against the cobblestone pavement. your bronze skin shimmered under the warm sun, shiny blown out hair flowing against the slight breeze as you found yourself topping your head back, the bff locket that rafe had bought you just a few weeks against glinting as the smooth shot of tequila slid down your throat.
you loved pool parties — even more so, now that you were able to properly debut the new fuschia diamond butterfly belly ring that dangled and shined with each sway of your hips.
scrunching your cute little button nose, you let out a shaky exhale, the burn of the alcohol now dull as you quickly shoved the bitter slice of lime between your shiny and swollen lips, “papito, that burned!” you whined with a short and breathy laugh, shuddering as chills ran across your warm body.
“yeah? told y’that s’gonna be your last one tonight, a’ight?” rafe tuts, gently pulling the now wilted slice of lime from your mouth, while swiftly removing the shot glass from your small hand, his gaze on you firm as you hold up your arms with forced pouty lips, “c’mon kid — can’t carry y’around right now,” he sighs, running a quick hand over his tight jaw.
rolling your eyes you poke out a wobbly bottom lip, your gaze unsteady as you stumble into rafe’s chest, “i thought y’were my best friend, papi!” you mumbled, completely obvious to the way your needy words made rafe’s stomach flip.
drunk and all, you always knew just how to get rafe to give into your every little stupid whim — so, you saved ‘papi’ for when things had to go your way.
gently grabbing you with a light pinch of your cherub cheeks, rafe looks you over, your dewy bambi eyes struggling to remain straight, “hey! cut it out, this is why i didn’t want y’drinkin,” his hand squeezes just a bit tighter, his brows furrowed as he watches fat tears well up at your waterline, “don’t start that cryin’, mama — i will take y’home,” he reprimands lowly, his bright blue eyes stoic and stern.
it was all too much for you. the blaring trap music, your tummy swirling, brain fuzzy from all the alcohol, and now your best friend was made at you? there was only so much that a delicate girl like you could take — so, all it took was that one empty threat to trigger the waterworks.
with a small sniffle, you take a quivering breath, “y-you’re mad at me?”
pursing his lips into a firm line, rafe shares a knowing look with topper who raises his hands up in surrender, “no, princess —”
“i just wanted t-to have so-some fun! m’sorry r-rafe,” you hiccuped, pulling your face out of rafe’s grip as you rushed to knuckle away your hot tears, your swollen tits jiggling with each uneven breath you took, “m’gonna g-go home by my-myself,” you heaved, your voice squeaky.
motioning towards you with wild hands, rafe shakes his head, defeated, at topper, “m’gonna take her crybaby ass home,”
half awake, with the side of your soft cheek mushed against rafe’s shoulder, you kept your legs securely wrapped around his waist, semi-consciously wiggling your cute ass against his supporting hand. you couldn’t help yourself, rafe was so tall, and you were so pathetically drunk — you needed to be clung to him, and it warmed your pretty little heart.
“i looove you, papito,” you sang, pressing wet and sloppy pecks to the side of rafe’s jaw as he entered his bedroom with a relieved sigh. raising your heavy head off of rafe’s shoulder, you reach a dainty hand up to squish his cheeks together, with a sickeningly sweet giggle, “best friends forever, right?” you questioned, unfocused eyes all glazed and full of intense admiration.
letting out a sharp breath, rafe nudges your locket with his index finger — you were so out of it and loopy, rafe knew that he could say anything and you wouldn’t remember it, “always be y’best friend, until y’smarten up and be my girl. how does that sound, princess?” rafe smiles, unbuckling his belt with his free hand, his other still keeping you securely hoisted around his waist.
an exaggerated gasp leaves your faded glossy lips, “thought i was your girl already, papi?” you pouted, throwing your head back with a loud huff as rafe snakes a hand up to the back of your head, lightly pushing to get your teary gaze to meet his.
“no more cryin’, y’know exactly what i mean.” rafe reprimands gently, lowering you to stand on wobbly feet as you stumble backwards, “c’mon, mama — need y’to stand up just a little bit, yeah?” rafe grabs your elbow, his sober eyes set on you as you bite down into your bottom lip, far too deep in your drunken thought.
you loved your rafey and it broke your little heart to think that he believed otherwise — and maybe it was the alcohol talking, but you needed him to know that you were his girl through and through.
“maybe you can make me your girl, one day?”
cocking his head to the side, rafe breathes out a nervous chuckle, reaching up to scratch at the nape of his neck, “yeah, sweet girl — one day,” he assured you, his heart skipping a beat at the sight of you bouncing with utter joy, your shiny eyes beaming as you flop down into rafe’s bed.
letting out a sigh of content, your swollen lips ache from your stretched out grin, “m’gonna be your girl!” you cheer, your once drowsy state now turned to a hyper fit of excitement as rafe presses his lips to the top of your head.
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honey-and-bears · 3 months
Text
Closet Shenanigans
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Summary: After failing to successfully get past wards on a very valuable chest, Astarion and Tav set off just a few alarms and decide to try and out run the guards chasing them, that is until Astarion quickly pulls Tav in the only hiding spot he could find.
A cramped and cold castle closet.
Tags: pure fluff, neck kisses, rough kisses, teeny bit of fang play but that's about it, sfw!! And wc is 1.7k
A/N this man has me in a chokehold so badly right now 😩 but i just wanted to write smth that has been in my brain for a good minute, so enjoy 💕
Rules, Requests, and More!
“ASTARION,” Tav yelled over her shoulder, her lungs burned as they took a sharp turn around a corner. Her boots slid against the velvet carpet they trampled during their escape. 
Tav let out a small yelp as she couldn’t gain traction on the soft carpet and quickly threw out her arms to catch herself. Tav lets out a hiss from her arms scraped against the carpet, but she knew she had to ignore the aching pain from her wrists and keep running. 
The echoes of impending trouble, which sounded a lot like heavy armor clanking together, bounced off the stone walls and drowned out the duo’s gasps for breaths. “YOU–” gasp “–SAID THAT–” wheeze “THIS WAS GONNA BE A STEALTH MISSION.”
“I KNOW,” Astarion yelled after her. “IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.”
Her legs felt like they were on fire as beads of sweat slowly rolled down Tav’s forehead. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOOD AT PICKING LOCKS,” she wheezed, wiping her brow as they made their way down a large set of stairs. 
As they tried not to slip down the stairs, the clanking of heavy armor became thunderous, easily dwarfing the sound of her pounding heart, Tav heard the shouts of the guards telling them to stop running.
“I AM TAV,” Astarion said, running alongside her now, his normally calm and rich voice now breathless and stressed. “But how was I supposed to know that the chest would have more than three spells protecting it?” He growled through gritted teeth, making Tav spare a glance toward the vampire. 
His usual well-swept-back hair was now plastered against his forehead, causing him to brush away the few strands that fell in his eyes. Astarion’s face was a beet red that Tav would normally find delicious but she could see that it was all from exhaustion and boiling anger.
She felt bad for yelling at him like this, Tav knew it wasn’t his fault, but from the stress and fear from running for her life, she couldn’t help but lash out. Her eyes slid away from Astarion and back to the hallway, Tav could sense that they were getting close to where the others were waiting for them outside.
Relief began to flood Tav’s system as she could see the last stairwell that led toward one of several castle exits. As she threw out her hand to keep herself balanced when rushing down the stairs, a tight grip wrapped around her wrist yanked her off her path with a yelp.
A hand then covered Tav’s mouth as she let out a sharp yelp. Instinctively, Tav tried to squirm from the tight grasp, trying to claw at the hand that had slid across her waist to bring her taught against a torso. 
“Quiet now darling,” Astarion murmured in her ear as he pulled her backward, causing her to stumble over her feet before he moved the hand that was clamped over her mouth downwards. Tav heard a distinctive click as Astarion loosened his tight grip. “You wouldn’t want us to be caught now?”
Tav ignored the way his low rich voice sent shivers down her spine as she began to look around her new surroundings. Tav’s eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, the musty smell around her confused her deeply as she tried to shift around.
“Astarion,” she whispered, holding up an arm, extending it slowly only to be quickly met by a rough stone wall. “Are we seriously hiding in a closet?”
“Did you want to be caught?”
“Well, no,” Tav starts, dropping her arm to her side as she shifts from foot to foot, finding that her back brushed against his chest with every movement. “But I would have appreciated a bit more room.”
“Sorry darling” the vampire hummed quietly, shuffling in place while trying his hardest not to press against Tav. “But this was unfortunately the best I could find.”
Blush began to rise to Tav’s cheeks as she could feel every rise and fall of his chest against her back, still heaving from their long run. His hands hovered around her hips and left feather-light touches with each small movement either of them made. 
Her pounding heart felt like it was echoing in the small closet as she felt Astarion’s hot breath against the back of her neck. A shiver ran through Tav as they heard the sound of heavy boots and clanking armor come around the corner where the closet was.
Silently Tav prayed to keep the tiny closest unnoticeable as the guards stopped seemingly right in front of the large oak door. Panic began to sink its claws deep into Tav’s ribs, her breath quickened as she heard the near-silent mutters of the guards.
Leaning toward the door, Tav pressed her ear against the cold wooden door. To her, the guard’s conversation sounded just like faint whispers, but Tav hoped with every fiber of her being that they would leave soon.
She would hate to be stuck in the closet with Astarion almost pressed against her any longer. 
And speaking of whom, a shiver runs through Tav as Astarion’s feather-light touches run across her waist. Slowly, he wrapped his fingers around each side of her hips and gently leaned over her. 
Quietly to not alert the guards only a mere few feet from the door, Tav shuffles her weight from foot to foot in hopes that Astarion gets the message. Instead of getting the quit while you’re ahead, all Astarion does is softly hum in amusement as he presses his front against her to place a gentle kiss on Tav’s neck.
Tav’s head began to swim, her focus on the guards slipping as Astarion pressed more feather-light kisses against her neck. A small squeak left Tav as Astarion pressed a much harsher kiss below her ear. Slapping a hand to her mouth, Tav froze as she felt her face flush with color.
Swallowing harshly, she tried to hear if the guards had noticed her slip-up, but all she could get was “They couldn’t have gotten so far, we shall have every guard looking for them.”
Astarion left a kiss right behind her ear, earning him a jab to the side and a hiss of his name. “They’re going t-to find us,” Tav said lowly, hoping only his ears picked it up. “Assstarion,” she quietly moaned as he chuckled lowly and nibbled on her ear.
Warmth began to pool in Tav’s gut as one of Astarion’s hands moved to tuck a few fallen strands behind her ear. Effortlessly, he then moved to pull down the collar of her tunic to press his face into her neck and sighed. Wriggling in his tight grasp, Tav moved her hand to the side of his head, her fingers sunk into the silky soft curls.
She meant to pull his head away, but Tav had just curled her hand into a fist as Astarion dragged the very tips of his long fangs across her shoulder. Slowly he inched up her neck making Tav’s head swim as she fought to stay quiet.
The guards had stopped muttering sometime ago, but Tav could still barely sense their presence from outside the door. Her body felt like it was on fire as Astarion scraped his fangs back down her neck, no doubt leaving angry red marks that she’ll have to remember to cover up later. With a hum, his soft lips return to her fiery skin and Tav silently wishes he would never stop, or at least pick this up when they weren’t in the middle of an escape.
Gritting her teeth, a long hiss left Tav’s throat as Astarion dug his fang into her soft skin. It wasn’t deep enough to draw blood but Tav knew she’d have to cover it up when they got back to camp. She tugged harshly at Astarion’s curls before standing upright again.
“Be careful love,” he whispered in her ear, the hand wrapped around her waist playing with the edges of her tunic. “I would hate for us to be caught.” 
“Y-You ass,” Tav replied, swallowing down a moan as he pressed a small kiss to the deep bruise on her neck. “This is not the time.”
“I beg to differ,” Astarion hummed as he pulled Tav even closer to him, enjoying the heat that radiated off of her. Tav opened her mouth to say a quiet retort but she quickly shut her mouth with an audible click as she realized that the guards had begun to walk off. The crunching of their heavy boots became louder and louder, Tav’s hand slipped from Astarion’s soft hair and slid over the vampire’s cold hand on her wait as the guards shuffled past them.
With the guards now gone, all the anxiety left her body in waves as she let out a long groan in relief as Astarion squeezed her hand in reassurance. Wrapping a hand around the cool doorknob, Tav slowly let the closet door swing open as Astarion’s hand slipped from hers and dropped them to his side.
“The coast seems to be clear,” Tav whispered as she slinked out of the closet, her ears intently listening for any signs of danger while her hand hovered over one of her daggers. “Though they will no doubt have all the exits heavily guarded.”
“Then we must be extra cautious,” Astarion replied smoothly, slipping out of the small closet and closing the door silently behind them.
“You’re one to talk about being cautious,” Tav frowned, folding her arms across her chest as she glared at the now smirking vampire. “You nearly gave us away!”
“Hmmm maybe,” Astarion hummed, his eyes glinting in the torch-lit hallway. “But it sounded like you enjoyed it.”
Tav moved her hands to her hips as blush crept up to her face, knowing that she didn’t look half as intimidating as she had hoped. Taking a few steps to close the small gap, Tav looked up into Astarion’s blood-red eyes before smacking him on his shoulder. 
“Now darling,” Astarion chuckled, grabbing the hand that had just smacked him and pulled Tav to his chest. “How about we start heading back to the others?”
“Best idea you’ve had all day, love,” Tav agreed before planting a small kiss on his lips.
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princejiu · 1 month
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𝗦𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗣𝘀𝘆𝗰𝗵𝗼 | L.W. pt.3
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𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 | one two
𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | leah wasn't as loyal to you as she is to her country and you remind her not to mess with a león.
𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 | none
𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 | here's part 3. um, idk. like I said slow burn, took a ton of brain work to finish this for some reason. also uni's been kicking my ass for the last couple of weeks.
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A hiss left your lips as your body adapted to the inviting temperature. Normally, you wouldn't be as affected as you are with the heat but living in rainy London for the past two years seems to take away your tolerance for it.
It was near the end of the spa program, you got your nails done, facial care, and a full body massage. You didn't know if it was the combination of the treatments or the gorgeous woman that rubbed your back with oil but that was the best massage you've ever experience. 
Unfortunately, all things come to an end. Your little time with the hot masseuse was short and now you were distressing in a sauna with Leila and Laia. The spa was nice and relaxing, you temporally forgot the outside world and redirected your focus back to you.
It remined you of times when life was a friend rather than an enemy. 
Leila had taken the advantage to fill you in all the gossip at Man City, teammates hooking up with teammates. And if it weren't their own than it was with players outside the country. Just a lot of hooking up between various football players you've learned. 
It made you wonder what you've missed out on.
You shrugged off the white rope, your little undergarments left little to the imagination. You were highly aware of the on lookers but remained unbothered. They were nothing new, you've come accustomed to it, other times you seeked it.
Laia smacked the back of Leila's head, giving her a look when Leila reluctantly turned to her. "Can you not eye-fuck my ex. I can pratically see niagra falls coming from between your legs." The tall defender snapped her legs closed, glaring at Laia for even mentioning such a semi-false claim.
To be fair, Leila took an interest in you way before you got with Leah. But, with you being the little sister to a person who will literally commit murder to whoever touches you. Leila couldn't find it within herself to risk her life over some ass. Then again, Leila and you were in a total different country.
Your older sister couldn't physically reach her and if Mapi ever gets a word. Leila has enough time to book a flight out of the continent before Mapi could kill her. The likely of that happeneing made Leila want to tip toe the line even more.
Laia huffed, it didn't feel great to sit front row to your friend actively thirsting after your ex. Sure, you and Laia agreed that being purely friends was better but she refuse to admit that there were some lingering feelings for you.
That going behind Mapi's back wasn't the major factor in the break-up, that Laia wasn't the coward she hidden underneath, that she wasn't the one to initiate the break-up pulling that 'I think we're better off as friends' card. 
Just a lot of denial for Laia that she doesn't want to come to terms with.
She dealt with you flaunting off your relationship with Leah to the public, now she has to deal with her friends wanting you? Laia wished that you were all back in Barcelona, everyone would be too scared to make a move on you with the possibility of Mapi lurking in the dark.
"No need to get jealous, Lai. If Leila wants to look she can, who knows how long she's been waiting for this."
"A very long time."
You laughed, throwing the discarded rope at Leila. Laia sighed, Leila's obvious attraction to you increased the thickened air and as you encourage it, she felt suffocated. For a moment, the idea of actually suffocating seemed better than being smothered with the sexual tension between you and Leila.
"Are you trying to get her killed? Have you forgotten that your sister becomes a literal bloodhound when she gets a little whiff that you're messing with someone? Do you remember what happened to Misa when Mapi thought you were fucking her? She tried to take off her head!"
You rolled your eyes at Laia's persistence fear of your sister. Two years ago during nationals, a bit before you gotten with Leah. You were roomed with Misa and Mapi expressed very vocally that she wasn't happy with this arrangement.
Unfortunately for Mapi, the coach didn't care as much as Mapi did for your innocence. Next practice, Mapi pelted every ball in the wagon at Misa, she was lucky enough that Mapi couldn't seriously injure her.
With nationals, Spain couldn't be out a goal keeper just because there was an overprotective sister on the watch.
You waved Laia's concerns off, the extent your sister went to were amusing and annoying. You were restricted of a lot of thing when you first started at Barca. Mapi was on your ass 24/7, she made sure to limit your social cues with the team, especially the more tempting ones.
"You're giving her too much credit. Mapi only acts when she's paranoid, I mean I've been a door down from her and she didn't know that I was on my knees for-" You caught yourself before you could slip more than you did. It was no secret that you purposely did whatever to piss Mapi off but a door down from her was pushing boundaries.
"Please don't stop there, tell me more."
You shook your head, Leila's newfound interest in your intimate life was entertaining to say the least. "Sorry. I don't kiss and tell. But, I will tell you that you weren't the only one to disobey my sister, Laia." The said woman squinted her eyes, it was no brainer that little hint meant that it was obviously someone that they knew.
"You're really are something else. Do you really sleep with your sister's friends because she told you not to?" Your quirk in your lip told Laia everything she needed to know. It wasn't your fault that you were this way, you had Mapi as an older sister. It should've been expected that you would turn out to be some sort of a rebel. 
"Mhm. You can't really fault me. I'm hot, her friends are hot. It's bound to happen."
Leila looked like she was ready to devour you right then and there, raising her hand. "I'm hot too." You grabbed her jaw, squishing her cheeks together. "That you are. But, I'm still in a relationship so no can do." Leila deflated, you were teasing her to the brink and she couldn't decide if she wanted more or...yeah, no she wanted more. 
"A cheating one." Laia reminded, pointing a finger at you as if you've forgotten. You pursed your lips, letting Leila go while the defender sulked. "One, nonetheless. I won't stoop to her level." 
"No, you'll just be going lower."
You had a knack for dramatics, going down a long road to get a little more than even. You were always a bit theatrical. If football didnt work out, you would have for sure been an actress.
The steam of the sauna engulfed you, squeezing the burning desire for vengeance. "There is no such thing as going lower. I just even out the playing field to my advantage."
Don't get Laia wrong, she supports you a hundred percent in all your rights and wrong doings. But, that was mainly with bitchy friends or your sister, she hasn't experienced heartbroken you. And man, was heartbroken you deranged.
"Look, I know you told me not to try and change your mind but are you sure you want to go through this? I mean you're putting a target on Leah's back if you do." 
You stared at your ex, jawclenched. You knew Laia, and you knew her well. She has always supported you no matter what, so having her second guess you was putting a bad taste in your mouth.
"Leah put a target on her own back when she cheated. She knew that. If it weren't for me, Mapi would've flown here with the rest of the team and kicked her ass. I'll handle Leah myself but I can't guarantee Mapi or anyone else wouldn't lay a hand on her."
You were aware of the loyalty you held, you had built some strong friendships over the years. Friends nearly all around the football community, there certainly wouldn't be a match where Leah didn't have enemies.
It pained Laia to see you angry, granted it was the only exterior emotion you were comfortable with showing. But, she understood that it'll be a while until sorrow takes its place. That when you'll need her the most.
Leila eyes bounced between you two like an ongoing tennis match, feeling awkward to be caught in the middle. To her relief, you quickly dismissed the uneasy atmosphere. "I'm done here. Come, we're getting food." 
You grabbed the held-out robe from Leila, tying it around your waist before heading out sparing no glance to the two as you did. Leila gave Laia a look, "Ooh, you in trouble." Laia rolled her eyes, smacking Leila before leaving, already thinking of ways to ass-kiss you back into a good mood. 
"Hey! Don't leave me behind!"
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You settled comfortably into your seat, ordering wine first thing. Smiling at the waiter as he brought your beloved, done serving he was about to take his leave-
"Oh, no. We'll take the whole bottle. Thank you."
Leila sipped on her glass as the awaiting question rested on the tip of her tongue, it's been eating her away for hours. "So, are you planning to go back to Spain? Your contract with Chelsea is almost up, no?"
You contemplated your thoughts, and to be honest, you haven't thought about your contract at all. Before there would be no hesitation to renew and continue your stay in London but, things were different. What you decided would determine where and how you live for the next three years.
"Mapi wants me to go back once I'm done with Leah, she'll probably try to convince me to transfer but I haven't decided on anything yet." You loved Chelsea and you loved everyone there, a part of you felt like there was a little more than Leah keeping you in London.
Leila rested her hand on top of yours, smiling at you softly. "Well, Man City are always open for new midfielders." Playfully rolling your eyes, you pushed Leila away. You weren't even sure if you wanted to remain in England, maybe test out a new environment.
You've heard California has good weather this time of year.
"You know if you didn't want to fuck me so bad. We'd be good friends."
A cheeky smile grew on the defender, "I can wait." You huffed a laugh, a little at disbelief with Leila's persistence. You appreciated her humor, it was a breath of relief. It's been only twenty four hours but it felt like years being burdened.
You were glad to leave London for the day. The gloomy weather would've been no help to the chaos running through your mind. Laia leaned closer, ignoring the side eye you gave her as she did so. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-" 
"Chicas, isn't that Ella Toone?"
Laia groaned, throwing her head back in frustration. Why did Leila have to have such bad timing? Your's and Laia's heads turned in Leila's direction, squinting to spot the very person.
Huh, there she was. Ella sat at a table not too far from yours, "Is she here with someone?" Leila's question is answered soon enough as another figure takes the seat right across from Ella.
The superstar striker of England and now Arsenal, Alessia Russo. It was no surprise to see them together. Niahm filled you in on all of the dynamics and relationships of the England squad after she asked about your national team's relationships.
The young defender questioned how to know if your teammates were dating or if they were just Spaniards. Safe to say, that there was a blurred line between the two. "Are they dating?" Laia asked, you shook your head. The thought of it kinda weirded you out.
"No, they're just good friends. Russo played at United before transferring to Arsenal." You thought for a moment as you eyed them, they were completely unaware to your presence. Something urged you to make yourself known, "I'll be back."
You stood up abruptly, Leila watched curiously but Laia quickly grabbed your wrist, stopping you before you made it a step far. She gave you a warning look, Laia knew you too long to know that you were very much a drastic person and didn't care who you dragged into your mess.
She hoped that you were smart enough to not make a scene in public, "Relax. I'm going to say hi." She didn't look like she believed you and you didn't blame her, because deep down you didn't believe yourself.
Laia loosened her grip, letting you go and do as you pleased. You dodged the passing by waiters, beelining for the unaware. Alessia nor Ella noticed you until you stopped right at their table, hands clasped in front of you as you greeted them. "Hello, girls. Long time no see." 
Ella gasped, shooting up from her chair, pulling you into a hug. "Yn" You squealed as she picked you up giving you a little twirl. Your cheeks burned red, you were standing in the middle of the restaurant getting spun in circle by one of your closest friends.
"Geez, El. If I knew you'd be so happy to see me I would visited more." You met Ella at a sports charity, both of you had been invited to represent women's football. You were paired with her the entire night, safe to say you gained a friend.
Alessia stayed seated waving to you over Ella's shoulder, two past exchanged with you didn't feel like it was sufficient to greet you the same way. "What are you doing here? Is cap here?" Ella rapidly turned her head side to side, on the look out for her national captain.
You simply denied her with a shake of your head, pointing over to your shared table. "No, I'm visiting some friends. What about you, guys?"
Ella glanced at Alessia, puzzled by Alessia's tomato cheeks. "Uh, Less came to visit for the week. She's been missing Manchester haven't you, mate?" Alessia's redness worsen as the spotlight shifted to her, the blonde whispered no, no intent for Ella to actually hear.
Ella's jaw dropped as you bursted into laughter, she stared at Alessia in betrayal. "Hey! Nothing North London can offer that Manchester can't." You patted Ella on the back, attempting to soften the blow Alessia launched. "Agree to disagree, mi amgia. But I will say that your spa's are amazing."
Ella bumped your awaiting fist, a pout still rested on her lips but you and Alessia fully ignored it, knowing it was for show. Alessia fidget in her spot, she wanted to speak to you but didn't know how. You weren't around the team a lot, always busy with your own life, this could possibly be Alessia only chance to talk to you.
"Congrats on the win against Tottenham. Your hat trick was the best goal of the game."
"Thank you."
Your brow perked as Alessia's eyes dropped down to the table, a shy smile she tried to hide. You heard from Leah that Alessia was shy and introverted, nothing new when you came across people with similar traits, yet they at least tried to look you in the eye.
Ella nudged you, pulling you out of your thoughts. "How's the cap? I have not spoken to her in a while." It took you a second to answer, these were Leah's friends, granted Ella was your friend also. But, she was Leah's first and you wouldn't be suprised if her loyalties lied with your girlfriend.
So, you had to be careful, one slip up and they'd be running to her. "She's been great. A bit busy for the past few weeks with training and meetings. And team bonding, oh, how was team bonding at Caitlin's last night? From what it sounds like, it was pretty wild."
You were aware that it was low key an ass thing to do, subtly interrogating Alessia. She was a precious little thing but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. Alessia looked like a dear caught in headlights, caught off guard by the sudden question.
"Team bonding? We didn't have no-ah, right! Yes! It was crazy! Crazy-crazy night. What do you guys recommend? Oh, they have pasta." Alessia held up the menu high to her face, shielding the evident panic in her eyes.
"Less, you've been here since last we-"
Next thing you knew, Alessia flew across the table, slapping a hand over Ella's mouth. You eyed Alessia suspiciously, the blonde obviously knew something Ella didn't. It raised the question in your head, was Alessia covering for Leah or was she the whore?
The thought of her doing either angered you. Could the world not have any decent people? You needed to leave before poor Alessia increased her chances facing the ranging bitch rising beneath the surface.
"I'll leave you to whatever this is. Nice seeing you again, Ella." She muffled a bye, unable to speak clearly with her best friend's large ass hand covering half her face. Alessia offered you a smile, one that slowly faded as you turned your back without a glance.
That didn't stop her eyes from following you as you made your way back. She retracted her hand, not minding the odd looks Ella sent her way too distracted by you.
Did she do something wrong?
"Mate, what are you going on about? You've been here since last week."
"There's something I need to tell you."
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Laia and Leila watched curiously as you walked back towards them, your demeanor more crossed than it was when you left. "Is everything alright?" Your jaw clenched as you took your place, throwing a nearby napkin onto the table. 
"No. Miss England's dearest might be Leah's fucking whore, even if she isn't she knows something. Mark this down, ladies. Alessia Russo is at the top of my list." You chugged on your wine, slamming the now empty glass. Glaring the table you just left, by the way Ella and Alessia were leaning into each other, speaking in hush tones.
You could only assumed they were talking about you.
Leila and Laia shared a look, wondering what happened while you were over there. "You think Russo would do that? You told us she was an absolute sweetheart." Leila asked. 
"Even the sweetest can be the most devious."
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celesterayel · 4 months
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goodbyes & waiting | luke castellan
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pairing : luke castellan x aphrodite!reader
request: happy holidays! could you write a luke x aphrodite reader? (maybe with angst?) <3
IN WHICH — there are the moments you shared and the sadness that came after.
"trust that you betrayed, confusing that still lingers. you took everything I loved and crushed it in between your fingers" - o.r.
w.c. 1k
warning(s) : lots and lots of angst ゜✭・.
✩ ‧₊˚ author's note this act hurt me so much in the feelings. I've never written something so angst, hope you enjoy it tho, love :)
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your heart didn’t hurt, it burned.
you wished you could tear the wretched thing out and never feel anything again but it remained there, silently killing you from the inside out. in your palm lay a small pendant, not the prettiest thing by any means and resembling more like something you’d find at a second-hand store. the chain was thin and dull but at the center lay a small heart of twine and charms. your finger brushed over it, as if attempting to soothe your own heart, a manifestation of your pain literally.
god, you wanted to burn it to the ground. you wanted to scream so loudly and raw that you’d scream your vocal cords out of your throat. you wanted to scream at the gods–fuck them and fuck the fates–and most of all, at him.
had it meant nothing to him? this…whatever it was between you two? how could he have left you so brutally? without a second thought.
the pendant burned in your hand but you’d sooner kill yourself than part with it. it was the last thing you had of luke castellan. the boy who had loved you at your lowest, who once would have rather burned the world than let it hurt you. but he had hurt you and with the blow of godliness that ran in his blood.
you never did see it coming.
✩ ‧₊˚
you had first arrived at camp a year before percy jackson appeared. no sooner than you did, were you claimed by your mother, the goddess aphrodite. and unlike how the poets and half bloods describe it, children of aphrodite were not all inherently blessed with grand beauty. rather you were made to be beautiful in the way extraordinary things are: ingrained into the brain like a itch in a way so profound.
something about you entranced others, maybe the way you spoke or how you approached everyone like they were someone you had known since forever, you were just always a shining light for others to flock too. something so incredibly enchanting, gentle like the breeze of the camp waters. 
luke was the first person to approach you after being claimed, the same boyish smile you’d later fall in love with on his face. 
“the names luke castellan. yours?” he breathed out, something about the way he looked at you like you were every enchanting thing in the form of a person made your heart sing. 
you knew that your heart would belong to him every moment after. 
something in the way he looked at you like you were his forever after made you feel complete. like you weren’t so alone in this world made of monsters and man, godless beings of hunger and pain. and it seemed like he knew it too because there was a knowing in his eyes, a connection between you too that would hurt for every lifetime and the next. 
you and luke only grew closer after and where you went he followed. where he strayed, you wandered. secrets moments shared beneath candlelights with his hands on your waist and yours bunched in his hair. 
“your my forever, you know that right?” he’d whisper against your lips, trying to breathe you in like you’d disappear from his arms. 
you’d just kiss him harder like his words could burn themselves to your lips. like he could burn himself into your very being and never leave you. one day you’d tell him he’d already had.
moments by the lakes where he’d hold you against him and you’d rest on his shoulder like it was the only place you’d ever need. trinkets you’d find when you’d go exploring with the littlest campers that you gifted to him and he kept like they were the grandest of treasures. times when he’d cry into your shoulder and you’d just hold him all the more closer like you could take the pain. the pendant he had spent months and late nights learning to craft from hand to give you. you planned out your future together late, late into the night when you couldn’t sleep: maybe someday he’d whisk you away to visit paris or to see the great big apple–only later you’d go without him. 
holding you so tightly, he’d ask, “where would you want to go if we ever leave here?”
“anywhere you go.” the late nights near the lakes always made it seem like your cocoon, a safe haven from everything else. nights like these only made you fall in love with him more. 
“yes, but if you could pick anywhere, where would you want me to take you, “ he huffed out, chuckling. 
you grab his hands and press a kiss to his lips, tasting freedom and fire all in one breath. kissing luke was always electric, every want and lightning burn in one breath, one touch. 
you leaned back, before contemplatingly saying, “i’ve always wanted to go to see the city lights in the big apple.”
“i’ll take you one day.” it was a promise. a future for you both. 
“i’ll hold you to that.”
✩ ‧₊˚
but it never did happen.
✩ ‧₊˚
you remember the scream you felt bottled in your throat when you found out what had happened. the looks the others had given you when percy told you what luke had done. why he wasn't here with you guys. why he wasn’t here with you.
the betrayal hurt more than anything you had ever felt. parts of the pieces of the future you had made crumbling as quickly as you both had made it. the trinkets you had given him were gone just as he was.
as the months passed, here you stayed as the others left. hoping that by some miracle, your golden boy would return to you. that'd he'd come back ready to make good on his promise. he’d return to the lake where you had once built your future but he never did and the scream in your throat never left.
you promised me, luke.
footsteps approached you and there at the bottom of the hermes cabin stood percy jackson, “y/n, it’s time to go.” 
he looked at the pendant in your hands before giving you a sad smile. he knew your history and your pain–once upon a time, luke had been his first real friend.
you wiped the tears that had fallen down your cheeks and slipped the necklace back onto your neck. you couldn’t bear to part with it, not even after all this time, after all these moments. 
you looked behind you to the cabin one last time—breathing in the old memories and letting them go one last time—before you turned back around. 
“let’s go.” 
in the end, your golden boy had been far too much like his father and you were the one to be left waiting.
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kimsmuse · 9 months
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yandere rich kid !!
not really a kid, just a spoiled brat.
gender neutral!reader, obsessive behaviour, blackmailing, mentions of drunk driving, implications of sex but no real smut TT. if you want to talk about yanderes my inbox is always open <33
i was thinking about mingi of ateez when i wrote it so you can imagine him as the faceclaim (v v optional)
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very rough idea but !! yandere nepo kid who is The Wild Kid, he’s his parents' and siblings' worst nightmare, partying like its his last night, hooking up right and left.
just imagine like early 2010s justin bieber but, um, no hate to him, but better.
this guy isn't evil or cruel or anything, he's just numb, and he's doing every possible thing that comes his way to just feel something, anything he can.
drugs? nothing. alcohol? nothing. nothing makes him feel like the people he sees in the movies, he tries talking to so many people, sleeps with them, but he can't feel it.
and it becomes increasingly uncomfortable for him inside his own body, he's aware of the things that are happening, his parents being disappointed, threatening to write him off their will but he can't seem to stop himself.
club after club, every bouncer knows him, the bartenders know his order, accurate down to the T because they know what's going to happen if they don't.
and enter you. okay, okay, this seems wattpad-ish but its not like love at first sight or anything. because when you and your friends sneak in to the vip section, the least of your worries is the nepo guy.
your friends seem to have an instant attraction to him, thanks to his entertainment news headlines. "famous business tycoon's son gone wild!" and what not. who doesn't want their name attached to a guy like that? everybody who doesn't have an ounce of rationality in their brain!
but he had other plans for tonight, he was spiralling, and it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to sit here normally and pretend his insides weren't burning. why was there no comfort for him?
he dreaded going home and waking up, looking at the clear disappointed looks of his family. he wishes he was different too, he wants to say to them.
the dance floor clears as the night deepens and soon enough your friends have abandoned their idea of getting laid by him, their patience running out as they grab some other people to take home.
you’re trying to get yourself a cab when he brushes past you, looking back briefly to apologise but when he is a bit ahead, he turns back again and offers you a ride, which you politely refuse, “thanks for asking but i’ll get a cab soon enough,”
okay, then he’ll wait with you! he doesn’t have anything better to do and he’d be going against the way his parents raised him (as if he hasn’t done that enough) if he left you out here alone so late.
after about 20 minutes of standing, looking through various taxi apps, you give up and take him up on his offer, and all the while our rich, spoiled yandere is figuring out what he’s feeling, it was out of basic courtesy that he offered you a lift but now that you’re sitting beside him in his car, he feels like he’s breathing in a new kind of air.
and you swear you didn’t mean to, but maybe its your hormones and the disappointment that all your friends got someone they went home with but you didn’t.. so as soon as you’re in the car, you give him The Look. and while normally the guy would just take it to his backseat, something in him stops him. instead he says, “my place isn’t far,” you nod.
when you regain your senses, it’s too late. it’s the next morning. but thankfully, he was the last person to ask you about what you both were after last night, and the last person to want to “see you again,” so you try your best to get dressed as his sleeping form just lies there peacefully. he’s cute, you admit that.
a few days pass by and you’re thankful that this wasn’t like the other times where his photos and the people he was with would be all over social media, so you went on with your life normally, attending classes, studying and all the jazz.
when once out of thr blue, when you’re working the counter at your part-time, he’s there. he gives you a small smile as you become increasingly uncomfortable. “hey,” you greet him awkwardly.
“i wanted to talk to you… about that night,”
and believe it or not but that’s when your entire life changes. the guy who didn’t even know your name was suddenly there asking you for a bit if your time and the manager obviously obliges, is even eager for it, the publicity that it would get the cafè ….
but yeah, as i was saying, he’s going to come up with a “will you date me?” it doesn’t, matter if he doesn’t know your name, he’ll learn, he’ll learn everything about you, he was willing to, didn’t that count? “please, give me a chance, you won’t regret it, i swear.” and you gulp, okay…
and after that, he’s driving you home from work, home from dates he’s taking you out to, and home from even your college which isn’t even a 5 minute walk from your apartment, and although it’s supposed to feel like “dating” you can’t help but feel a little awkward around him, the fact that he was doting on you like no one ever had in your life and seemed to be perfectly fine with whatever you wanted was just a little off putting.
for the yandere, it’s as if he’s been reborn, it’s as if he found a new purpose at life, he’s so overjoyed at the fact that he was looking for a sign and god actually gave it to him. it was you! he felt everything then, he felt heart beating in his chest, he felt the rain on his face, it was everything h ever wanted.
“this is NOT the guy from the headlines, y/n, this is his twin or something,” your friends were collectively shocked.
even the media was. they wrote articles and articles on if this was just a new stunt or has the resident playboy actually settled down? and they were snooping around your life too, and when the guy went to his parents to help stop that, his parents were delighted to hear that their son wasn’t asking for a new car but instead to help protect a person’s privacy?? who was he??
but they helped, obviously. not without a catch though, they hired a private investigatior to spy on you, were you blackmailing their son? who are you? they weren’t opposed to him finding love, they just wanted to make sure he was safe and not being taken advantage of. when you turn up clean and the investigatior lets them know that you aren’t even in a bit of love with him as much he is, his father is scared.
so he hires the same investigator again, it’s safe to say that money the private investigator made on these two tasks was enough to suffice him for the rest of his years.
and his father decides to pay you a visit, “please, this is the first month since he started middle school that i haven’t been spending on people to keep their mouths shut and to not file cases aainst him, you’ve truly changed him,”
you’re a little uncomfortable again, being this person wasn’t someone you wanted to be, jsut be reduced to beng someone who fixed him, he was nice, yes, but you did not want a relationship right now, let alone a serious-committed one.
then the father takes out his trump card, “…i did not want to do this but,”
he knows where your parents live, your siblings’ workplace.
“so, play along, okay?”
and the worst thing is that, you can't even call the police on one of the richest men in your country.
and as if this problem wasn’t enough, it isn’t even been 3 months and your friends have entirely stopped talking to you. why? well, because, you can’t even have a sleepover without that guy calling you every hour, asking if you ate well, are drinking enough water. and you don't blame them, you wouldn't have liekd it if you were in their position as well.
when you try, (keyword, try) to talk to him about it, he gets super sulky… what do you mean you're bothered by being left alone by your friends? you had him… wasn't that enough?
even at your part-time, it was getting uncomfortable, the times he would just sit in the cafè, working (yes, he even agreed to take over his father's company fot you) and while he obviously paid for his drinks, it was just concerning to the people you knew that he was fliterally following you around, that wasn't healthy.
you have an intuition it won't work, but you decide to give it a try anyway. "hey, we need to talk," you text him. and there’s a response in not even seconds, “what’s wrong?”
“just come over,”
you best believe he’s there in not even 10-15 minutes, and he’s panting too. couldn’t even wait for the lift, his precious darling needed him.
“listen.. i,”
“what?”
“i don’t think this is….working out,”
“what?”
“don’t freeak out-“
“freak out? are you kidding? i.. love you, how isn’t this working out?”
“you’re way too controlling,”
“i’m what? do you know how many peole would kill to be in your place, and people who would want their boyfriends to be like me? nd you say i’m ‘too controlling’?”
“it’s…”
“you have no idea how grateful you should be to me,” you’d never seen him so… angry and it was like you could see the comments being true. “he’s so rude, acts so entitled,” being true.
“don’t look at me like that, i tried my best to appeal to you in a way you should have liked,” he hangs his head down.
“now we do things my way,”
kiss your freedom, part-time, college and apartment bye bye, because you won’t need it anyway, you’ll be his spouse, and there’s no bigger qualification than that. you desperately want to work? be his assistant, he’s getting ready to take over the company soon enough. his parents do see it, the things he’s doing but they can’t interefere, at least he’s staying out of the headlines, that’s all that matters.
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turtletaubwrites · 5 months
Text
We've All Got Needs ~ Part 1
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Pairing: Zoro x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 2,133
This is part 1 of the Series 'We've All Got Needs,' linked below:
We've All Got Needs Masterlist
Ao3 Series Link
Summary: The crew's out for the day so you decide to take advantage of unlimited shower time. Too bad a certain swordsman finished his workout early. Guess you should have locked the door.
Rating/Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content, Reader Insert, Fem!Reader, 18+ Only, MDNI, Smut, Rough Sex, Shower Sex, Casual Sex, Accidental Voyeurism, Mildly Dubious Consent, Condoms, Penis In Vagina Sex, Cunnilingus, Biting, Multiple Orgasms, Overstimulation, Hair-pulling, Aftercare, Swearing, No Foreplay, Zoro's a straight to the point kinda guy and we love that, Shameless Smut, Friends With Benefits, crewmates with benefits
A/N: This is my first smut with absolutely zero plot! I want to practice writing shorter pieces while I'm working on my next bigger story. I hope you like it!
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Docked at a new town, you decided to take advantage of the privacy on the ship while the rest of the crew went shopping, and scoped things out. It seemed like a boring place, but knowing Luffy, you would all end up fighting a dragon or something. 
So you might as well enjoy the bathing room uninterrupted for once while you had the chance. 
Groaning, you massaged your neck and shoulders under the almost scalding water. Normally there would be someone banging on the door to get in by now, and you sighed as you rinsed the last of the soap away. Steam tickled up around you as you shut off the water. 
“Damn.”
You let out an embarrassing high pitched noise, and grabbed your towel before turning toward the owner of that deep voice. 
Zoro stood inside the stupidly unlocked door, already pulling out of his shirt. He was dripping with sweat, green hair clinging to his forehead. His chest was fucking glistening. You realized you’d been staring while you stood there dripping in your towel. 
“Sorry, Y/N.”
He didn’t look sorry as he walked toward you. 
Zoro had dropped his shirt on the floor and was reaching for his pants. You tried to excuse yourself, but couldn’t stop watching him. 
He tilted his head with a smirk, and you felt trapped.
“We should fuck.”
Your brain stopped working.
“Wha-what?”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to. But we’ve all got needs. I’ve seen how you look at me.”
Zoro had stopped before removing his pants, but he walked toward you. You almost felt the look in his eyes on your skin. 
“Uhh, I..”
“I like what I see too,” he said, in a raspy voice you’d never heard him use before. 
He reached out to hold your jaw, tilting your face to his. His thumb smoothed along your skin until it rubbed over your lips. 
A shiver of pleasure prickled your skin. Your lips parted in a soft gasp, and you had to close your eyes for a second. 
When they opened, Zoro was so close to you, looking almost smug, but reserved.
“Is that a yes, Y/N?”
You were not expecting this at all. Zoro is fucking gorgeous, but you didn’t think he saw you that way. This way. Now he’s got his thumb on your mouth, asking if you’d like more. 
You felt your smile curve under his thumb,
“We’ve all got needs.”
You dropped your towel as you let those words out, and Zoro looked so fucking pleased with himself. You almost wanted to punish him for it. You watched his eyes darken, his pupils dilated, and you had a feeling that you might be the one about to get punished. 
Breathless, you stood naked, waiting for him.
His eyes burned into you. Zoro shifted the hand on your jaw to twist into the hair at the back of your neck. He didn’t pull, but your blood sped through you as you felt how much control he had just taken with that expert grip. 
“What kind of needs could you have, Y/N?”
Zoro had completely floored you, all of this coming at you out of nowhere. You couldn’t believe how speechless he was making you, how flustered. You couldn’t get a sentence out.
“Mm, mind if I take a look?”
You gave a soft moan of consent as he traced the fingers of his other hand along your hip, back and forth as it got closer and closer. 
His eyes were intense, almost territorial as he stared into yours. He kept his gaze on your face as his fingers slipped into your folds. You writhed and cried out, but Zoro pulled that grip in your hair firm. Just firm enough to make you moan and look at him again. 
“You’ve been carrying all this need around, hm?”
Your mouth fell open at the sight of his fingers, thick strands of slick dripping between them. Zoro had hardly done a thing to you, but your body was aching for him now. 
“I should've taken care of you sooner,” he said with a chuckle, removing the grip from your hair. 
He looked around the room, the same way he does when scoping out a place for a fight. He locked the door, then began rummaging through the cubbies. You caught him digging through Sanji’s, mumbling to himself. You started to feel a bit awkward standing there naked, but then he smiled and pulled a condom out of Sanji’s things. Of course Sanji would have condoms. 
You wet your lips with your tongue as Zoro stripped, tossing his pants across the room. You stood there staring at each other, and your breath caught when you saw his long, heavy cock twitch for you. He held the condom up by his face before ripping it open. 
“I’ll go pick some up in town if you end up liking what my cock can do to you.”
You nodded as you stared, mouth watering as he placed the condom on the tip, fisting it down his length. He smirked before charging toward you.
He placed his hand on your shoulder with his thumb along your throat, and shoved you back against the wall. 
Zoro kissed you then, his lips and tongue surprisingly gentle. At first.
You moaned into his mouth as he rubbed his length along your entrance, making you twitch under his hold while he circled it on your clit.
His kisses became more intense, and then he licked and bit along your lips, jaw, and down to your neck.
You traced your hands along his beautiful chest, still covered in sweat. He twitched slightly when you ran your thumbs over his nipples. You went to lick and bite at his ear, but Zoro took that moment to lift one of your legs, holding it up over his arm, then plunged into you.
You screamed. The abrupt entrance was overwhelming, but Zoro kept pumping into you, pushing and pushing to fill you completely.
You grasped for something to keep you steady, and a very useful stability bar for the shower worked perfectly. 
You hung onto it for dear life as Zoro pulled back from your neck to watch your face.
“You haven’t even had it all yet, Y/N. Is my cock giving you what you needed? Can you take it?”
“Fuck yes, Zoro. Please. I can take it!”
You didn’t recognize your desperate voice. You’d had no build up, just straight to him fucking you with so much strength. But it was so fucking good. You could feel yourself close already, and the thought of more of him filling you made your eyes roll back.
“Your pussy feels so fucking good, Y/N. Fuuuck. You’re gonna take my cock so well, aren’t you?”
“Yes, please. I need it, please.”
Zoro groaned as you begged. He adjusted your leg, then tilted himself slightly.
He leaned over you to growl against your ear. 
“You’d better hold on, Y/N. Be a good girl and take my cock, and I’ll give you what you need whenever you want it.”
You cried out for him, grasping onto the shower bar as your eyes started watering from the brutal thrusts he was already hitting into you. 
Zoro groaned loudly as he shoved into you, so fucking deep, until you held all of him. He’d taken the hand off your shoulder to circle its thumb over your clit. You came on his cock, screaming.
“So fucking good Y/N, your pussy’s so perfect. Keep coming for me, baby.”
You couldn’t form words, the twist of pleasure and pain riding you hard. 
Zoro kept fucking into you until you were begging him.
“Please, Zoro.”
“You want me to keep giving you what you need after tonight?”
You whimpered your yes for him, twitching, your body starting to go limp.
“Come on, you’ve been so good. Let me give you a break.”
Gasping, you clung to Zoro’s shoulders as he picked you up from the wall, and laid you out on the shower floor. He’d left your cunt, dripping and aching as he set you down gently.
You looked in his eyes, and you knew he wasn’t done with you yet. You braced your hands on the wall, and arched your back at the pleased rumble of laughter that he gave at the sight. He leaned over, and spread your thighs wide, trailing his fingers along your twitching skin.
“Look at this pretty pussy. Mm, just what I needed.”
Zoro laid between your legs, and you screamed as he attacked your clit with kisses, licks, and sucks, pulling it softly between his teeth.
“Fuck, Zoro, i-it’s too much!”
He leaned away, face dripping.
“Already? Well, let’s see if you can earn my cock then.”
Zoro wrapped his fingers around his length, and you writhed at the sight. He brought himself closer to you, and you whimpered with need. He played with your clit with his tip again, and you arched your back. 
“Perfect,” he growled as he snaked one of his arms under your lower back. 
Then he lined himself up with your entrance, and you screamed. He filled you up so much, and the angle was intense, but exactly right. 
Zoro grunted as his thrusts tore you apart. He held your lower back in position, using that arm to help fuck into your body harder. He stayed steady with the other arm, his hand planted by your face. He brought his eyes to yours, and your body clenched around him as you watched his mouth hanging wide with his tongue loose. He looked so fucking feral, it made you come on his cock again. 
His thrusts became even more frenzied as your voice got hoarse from screaming. 
“Fuck yeah, Y/N. You’re so fucking needy for my cock, aren’t you.”
“Fuck yes, Zoro.”
You barely managed to form those words as you felt him hitting that sweet spot inside you over and over, so fucking deep. 
“That’s right, your hot little pussy can have this every day if you can take it like this.”
You moaned, hands scrambling along the wall as he fucked you further across the floor.
Zoro shifted, lifting himself onto his knees now. He lifted your hips further with him, leaving your upper back on the floor while he shoved himself into you from a punishing, phenomenal angle. 
You lost your fucking mind, screaming, scratching at yourself, scratching at him. He played with your clit with his thumb, and you almost slammed your head into the tile floor from how hard you came for him. 
“Fuuuck yes, Y/N, fuck. Just. Like.That.”
You’d never come that hard in your life. Your aching cunt was milking him so hard, and your orgasm kept fucking coming when you felt his cock pulsing inside you. Zoro groaned, his thrusts losing rhythm as he bit into your neck. You were spasming underneath him as you felt his release. 
You didn’t know how long had passed as you lay twitching on the floor. Zoro released your neck from his teeth, only to lick and kiss along your shoulder until you whimpered, your pussy still clenching around him. 
He leaned back from you, holding your chin to face him. He gave you a dangerous smile before pulling away from your body, leaving you empty and gasping. 
You couldn’t even lift your head to watch him. You winced as the shower turned on, the water splashing up your legs. 
Zoro knelt over you, pulling you onto his lap while the water washed over your lower body. 
You didn’t know if you could talk, let alone what to say, as Zoro started to clean your body along with his. You gasped when his hand reached your center, still dripping and slick with all he’d done. 
He was gentle, just cleaning, but you twitched in his arms. He chuckled and kissed your temple. 
“So, Y/N, should I head down to the town, and pick up some more condoms?”
You choked, sputtering as he laughed at you. He continued to wash up your body, and you shivered and gasped under his hands. 
“Go buy me some new legs while you’re at it.”
His surprised laugh at your words made you laugh too, which made all your parts ache, in such a good, but still painful way. 
Zoro had fucking wrecked you, but you’d never felt so much pleasure. Even that thought made your back arch against his chest, and he stopped laughing long enough to stroke his hand along your chest while he hummed against your ear. 
“So you’re good with this? With helping each other out.”
His whisper sent chills through you, and you smiled.
“We’ve all got needs”
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Thank you for reading! 💜
TurtleTaub Fanfic Masterlist
Part 2: Don't Get Lost
Buy me a coffee ☕🙏🏼
716 notes · View notes
strang3lov3 · 10 months
Text
Troublemaker (Brain Scramblies 2)
Joel Miller x Fem! Reader
Summary: Joel is bad at feelings and distances himself from you after your concussion, and faces his feelings on patrol with you.
Warnings: Smut smut smut of all varieties, so like oral m and f receiving, PIV. Ya know the drill!!! 18+ MDNI! Joel is bad at feelings. Kind of slow burn, asshole Joel. Very sweet sex! Age gap oops
Word Count: 4.9k
A/N: SURPRISE MOTHAFUCKAS!!!! BRAIN SCRAMBLIES 2 AT 10PM ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT!! My bf recently informed me you’re not supposed to sleep when you have a concussion so my bad guys sorry for giving you all brain damage that's on me ALSO THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE ON BRAIN SCRAMBLIES! Here’s part two for all who asked!! Like brain scramblies, I don't love this but there was an overwhelming demand for part two and I was concerned for y'alls sanity. Also I changed the title again oops.
Read the first story here! It can be read as a standalone but I highly recommend reading Brain Scramblies first!
Please please please comment and reblog if you enjoy!
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Joel ended up falling asleep with you. He woke up early and quietly excused himself from your bed. God, how pretty you looked sound asleep. With your puffy lips and quiet snoring. The way your hair fell across your face. He pushed your hair away from your eyes and left. 
Stupid. So fucking stupid. 
You didn’t mean any of it, any of what happened last night. Joel was a fool for indulging in your concussed words and letting himself believe any of it was real. He placed too much meaning on last night. 
He’d need to work hard to erase the way you made him feel. He needs to forget how he loved taking care of you, how he wants to be the one to make you feel better after a long day or when you’re sick. How he wants to spend all of his time making you smile. He needs to erase all of his love and adoration for you. 
In the morning, Tommy took you to the doctor. Your head was still sore and pounding slightly, but the doctor assured you that with a week’s worth of rest, you’d be back to normal. Honestly, you’d be better in a day or two but it’s best to take it easy for a while longer, just in case. 
You were in the waiting room while the doctor prepared some medicine for you. Some tea to help with the headaches and nausea, and some pain meds. Tommy was sitting right next to you. 
“Feelin’ alright, honey?” he asked you. 
“Yeah, I’m okay. Hurting a little but I’ll be fine,” you replied. Your head was still tender, and likely would be for a while. 
“Up for dinner on Friday? As long as you’re feeling okay, of course,”
“Yeah, yeah. Only if Maria is cooking, of course,” you teased him. Tommy wasn’t a great cook, unfortunately. 
Tommy chuckled. “Well, that’s a given. Joel will be there too. You remember him taking you home last night?”
You shook your head. “I thought you and Maria took me home. It was Joel?” Your memories were fuzzier than you realized. 
Tommy’s lips curled in a sly smirk. “Yeah, no. It was Joel. You don’t remember anything you said to him?” You shook your head again. “Well, you were flirtin’ pretty hardcore.”
Your cheeks burned and flushed. “No,” you groaned, burying your face in your palms. 
“Oh, yes. Called him handsome left and right. Never seen him so bashful before. He was pink as a flamingo, honey,” he said. “Course, that was only at the bar. He didn’t tell me if you said anything else about your little crush when he took you home.”
“No, no. You’re lying, Tommy,” you whined. This cannot be fucking happening. What did you do? 
Tommy shook his head. “It’s the truth, I’m afraid,”
You were embarrassed. Actually, you were way past embarrassed. Mortified. Humiliated. 
Tommy could see what you were thinking, the excuses you were making up in your head. “Don’t you think about canceling dinner, now. Maria’s making your favorite pot roast, with all those carrots and potatoes,”
Your eyes were pleading with his, his own twinkling with amusement. You opened your mouth to speak, but the doctor interrupted. 
“Alright, now. Tea is for the nausea and headaches, it can be a little bitter so I’d suggest adding some honey. These pain meds will help with the throbbing,” he said. He instructed Tommy to keep an eye on you, make sure you’re hanging in there. 
You both thanked the doctor and left the infirmary then. Tommy relented his teasing, seeing as how you were so close to combusting in embarrassment. 
The week passes slowly. It’s boring, so fucking boring. You do puzzles, read your favorite books, work on your blanket you’ve been knitting. Sip your tea. And each day, all you can think about is Joel. What you said to him, what you don’t know you said to him. 
It’s Friday. Tonight’s the night you’ve been dreading all week. As you make your way to Tommy and Maria’s home, you go over your plan in your head. Just be polite, like always. Apologize to Joel and make nice. Then go home, and the next time you’re on patrol with Joel it will all be back to normal. Right?
No. Not right. 
“Hi,” you say to Joel. Tommy’s setting the table, Maria is putting the finishing touches on her meal. 
Joel only grunts in response, never once meeting your eyes. You might as well have said hi to a brick wall or a houseplant. 
“How’s your week been?” 
“Fine,” he grumbles. “Your head, uh, feelin’ any better?” He speaks like he’s in pain, like each word stings and aches as it rolls off of his tongue. 
“Yeah. It’s better, mostly. Tommy said you walked me home, and I guess–”
Joel cut you off. “Dinner’s ready,” 
Wow. So it’s like that. 
You sit next to Joel at the table, who never once speaks to you the entire meal, save for a “Pass the potatoes, please,” or “I need the gravy,” here and there. You’d never experienced such an awkward dinner before. And Joel was never your biggest fan, but he had never been so rude and short with you before. You felt it was a little undeserved, given you had no control over the situation last week.
Luckily, Tommy and Maria fill the air with conversation to make up for Joel’s shitty and impersonal attitude. Within a few hours, dinner is over. Tommy begins clearing the table as you and Joel get dressed to leave. You bid all of them goodbye, and then leave. Dinner didn’t go the way you planned, but nothing ever does. At least it was finally over. 
“Walk her home, Joel,” Maria says sternly, watching you through the window. “Come on. It’s the least you can do after icing her out all evening.” “She’s fine. Concussion healed.”
“Don’t care, brother,” Tommy interjects. “Walk her home, or you’re cleaning the stables for the next six months. Go. Think y’all have some stuff to talk about, anyway.”
“This is ridiculous,” Joel mumbles as Tommy and Maria both hug him goodbye. But he does it anyway.
He meets you a little ways away from their home, the crunch of leaves under his footsteps startling you. “Let’s move. I’m walkin’ you home again,” he says. 
“Oh, that’s nice of you,” you reply, surprised. No doubt Tommy and Maria forced him into this. 
Joel says nothing. He’s silent the entire walk home, silent as he leaves you on your porch. 
You’re in disbelief. You were expecting to maybe laugh a bit over the situation last week, but not this. Who knew Joel hated being flirted with so much? He takes quick steps, never once looking back to make sure you make it inside your home okay. 
Fuck it.
“Joel,” you call out. “Come here.”
Joel turns around, eyeing you with a frown. “What do you want now? You’re home.” 
“Come here.” your voice is stern and demanding.
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, true to dramatic Joel fashion. When he steps up onto your porch and stands in front of you, he stares at you with a blank expression, his eyes are cold. “What,” he says flatly. No trouble at the end of his sentence, like he usually calls you. It stings.
“What happened last week? When you walked me home, after my concussion.”
“Nothin’. Nothin’ happened,” 
“Are you sure? Because Tommy said I was flirting with you at the bar, and I don’t know if I said something rude or what but I…” you trail off. “I don’t know. I just want to know what happened.”
Joel sighs deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You didn’t say anything rude,” 
“Then what? What did I say?”
“It doesn’t matter,” 
“Then tell me,” 
“I said it doesn’t matter,” 
“It matters to me,”
Joel steps away from you, sitting on one of your chairs. He won’t look at your face. “Fine,” he says gruffly. “You called me handsome.” 
“Tommy told me,” you say quietly, your voice is small. “Listen-”
“About a million times, actually. It’s all you could say for a minute there,” His tone is beginning to soften, but he’s still grumpy and bothered. “Gave me a nickname, too.” “I did?” 
“You did,” 
“What was it?” you step closer to him, taking a seat in the chair next to where he’s sitting.
“Joelie,” he says. “You called me Joelie.” 
“Joelie, huh?” you mumble, half to Joel, half to yourself. “Was that all?”
Joel is looking off into the distance, the cool air is biting at his ears and nose. “No, there was a little more,”
“Are you gonna tell me?”
“No, I don’t think so. No reason to,” he pauses for a second, remembering. “I’ve got a fuckin’ bone to pick with you, though.”
“Clearly,” you reply with a sarcastic tone. “What’d I do, other than call you handsome?”
“You fuckin’ pinched me. Again,” he turns to face you. “You have a real problem keepin’ your hands to yourself, you know that?” he scolds you angrily.
You can’t help the giggle that escapes your lips. “You probably deserved it! You always do, you’re such a dick,” 
Joel scoffs, it’s almost a chuckle. “Maybe. I wasn’t actin’ like a dick that night, though. Not enough to warrant you pinchin’ me,”
You’re puzzled. Why else would you pinch Joel, if not as a punishment for acting like an asshole? “Then why did I pinch you?”
Joel turns red then. Like, really blushes. His ears and cheeks are bright and rosy. He’s flamingo pink, just like Tommy said. 
“Why, Joel?”
“You said I have an ass like a uh…a peach,” he whispers. “And then you–”
It’s your turn to blush now. “No,” you interrupt. “I didn’t. Joel, tell me I didn’t pinch your ass.”
He nods, silently. 
“I am so fucking sorry, Joel,” you apologize frantically. You were a fucking menace!! “Please. That was so inappropriate.”
“It’s fine, trouble. Was kinda cute, actually. You said I have eyes like coffee beans too. Never heard that one before,”
Trouble. 
“And that’s all?”
“You said you’ve got this great, big, humongous, gigantic crush on me,” he says through a sigh, his tone is defeated. Sarcastic, even. “That was really it, though.”
He doesn’t mention all the times you asked him to fuck you. He’s not a sadist, you’re embarrassed enough already. In fact, you’re so embarrassed and in your own head that you don’t even pick up on the sadness in his voice. 
You open your mouth to apologize, to explain. Joel speaks first. 
“Don’t worry about it. I know you didn’t mean any of it,”
And then he sits up, making his way to step down off of your porch. He turns to you one more time before leaving, you can’t place his expression. He looks almost sullen, almost heartbroken. 
“Goodnight, trouble.” 
He leaves. Once again, you weaseled your way too close to his heart.
And that’s the last you really speak to Joel.
You’re not on patrol with Joel very often, but he’s even quieter when you are paired up. Not in the rude kind of way like at dinner, but in a sheepish sort of way. Like he’s embarrassed, or sad, or feels nervous to speak to you. The confident, cocky Joel is long gone. He rejects all of your attempts at conversation, and it leaves you heartbroken and baffled. 
If only he knew how you felt about him. If only he’d let you speak. 
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
It’s a chilly and rainy fall day, you and Joel are holed up in an old home on patrol together. It’s been maybe a month, a month and a half since that night on your porch.
He’s not really speaking to you, except to give you instructions here and there. You’re getting sick of his attitude. So standoffish and cold.
You wonder what went wrong that night. He was never all that friendly with you, but he was never like this. He looked right past you, like you were a phantom. Not really there.
You’re knitting your blanket, sitting on a window seat. The rain is pitter pattering against the glass. Joel is stoking the flames in the fireplace. The only sounds are the clicks of your knitting needles and the crackle of the fire. There’s a tupperware of snickerdoodles you brought for him, sitting untouched. It was your olive branch. He didn’t even thank you for them.
“What do you think of my blanket?” You hold the blanket up for him, various shades of green yarn arranged in a rippling pattern. 
Joel takes a quick glance, barely even looking, then grumbles something. 
“Joel? I didn’t hear you,”
“I said it’s fine,” he snaps at you.
You sigh, knitting your blanket furiously. What a fucking dick. “You know what? You don’t have to be such a fucking asshole all the time, you know that?”
“Fuck are you talkin’ about?”
“I said that you don’t have to be an asshole all the time,” you spit.
“I’m not–”
“You are. And I don’t even know why!” you laugh wryly. “All you do is fucking ignore me. And I don’t get it, Joel. I don’t know why I even try with you.”
Joel tries to speak, but you don’t let him. 
“I get it, okay? I made you uncomfortable when I called you handsome and pinched your ass and everything that night. I’m sorry,”
Joel is still stoking the fire, giving you no attention.
“I’m serious. I had a fucking brain injury, I had no control over my actions or my words. And I’m sorry,”
Joel’s not listening to your words. He’s so in his own head, he’s not absorbing any of it. All he hears you say is “I didn’t mean anything I said, I don’t feel anything towards you,” Rub it in some more, why don’t you? I’m not in love with you and I don’t think you have nice eyes like I said.
“I do have a little crush on you, okay? You do have nice eyes and a nice nose, and you’re the most handsome man I’ve met in my life. But it doesn’t give you the right to act like this,” you snapped. “I know it made you uncomfortable because I’m too young for you or whatever, so I want you to know I am sorry. Genuinely. Can you please drop the dickhead act now?”
Joel freezes, thrown off.
“Joel,” you demand. 
“Say that again,” he says. He’s looking at you finally.
“I’m sorry,” 
“No, not that,” he waves his hand. “About my nose.”
“I like your nose,”
Joel never liked his nose. But you do. The strong shape, the freckles and scars. It fits him perfectly. “You mean that?”
“Of course. Why else would I say it?” you say bitterly. God, he is so far up his own ass you wonder if he even knows what the sun looks like.
“Why?” he asks you, a smile is threatening to curl his lips upward. 
“The shape, I don’t know. Your freckles,” you say through a sigh. “That’s what you’re getting from this? Can you please just let me apologize for harassing you?”
“No,” he responds. “Tell me more. About my eyes, again.” Joel stands up now, looking at you from a few feet away.
You shake your head. Haven’t you embarrassed yourself enough for him? “Why? Thought I told you they look like coffee beans,”
“Humor me,” he says, his voice low, stepping toward you now. Your heartbeat picks up its pace as he considers his next move. He sits next to you at the window seat. He’s so in love, melting into a puddle before you. God, the way you’ve ruined him.  
“You have nice eyes. Dark and deep. I like the way they shine amber in the sun,” you whisper. You can’t help the growing smile on your face, the same smile when you’re alone and thinking of Joel’s handsome face. “Happy now, asshole?”
There’s a silent moment between you both after you speak, Joel’s looking at you in a way he never has before. The butterflies in your tummy flutter a little faster now, his eyes darting back and forth between your own and your lips. 
“Joel,” you sigh, “Quit looking at me like that.” Your words are more desperate than you intend them to be. You wanted to sound more stern, like him. 
He doesn’t say anything as he carefully places his hand on your cheek, his thumb swiping back and forth against your skin. Your eyes flutter shut. 
He takes the opportunity to pull you close, his lips just millimeters away from yours. “I’m sorry,” he whispers to you. “I wasn’t bein’ fair to ya. You said all those things to me when you weren’t in your right mind,” he trails off, bowing his head. “I’m no good at this.”
“Try me,” you whisper back, your eyes still closed. 
“I don’t know, trouble,”
You pull back, looking into his eyes. They’re big and full of adoration and insecurity, a brutal combination. “Thought it wasn’t real?”
Joel can only nod. The man who always has something to say, suddenly choking on his words. His hand is still on your cheek, holding you steady. 
You want to kiss him, so badly. You want to kiss him with every fiber in your being. But you fight it. He’s going to be the one to kiss you, it’s going to be how you always pictured it. This, you’re certain of. 
Joel’s eyes are frantic and unsure. 
It feels like minutes. 
Hours. 
Days. 
An eternity before he finally does it. And then finally, he kisses you, slowly and gently. It takes you by surprise, sweeps you off your feet. His lips are soft and slightly chapped, he tastes so distinctly Joel. You sigh and moan against his lips as his tongue mingles with your own, you curse yourself for the desperation you exhibit. As if he cares. 
You kiss like that for a while, softly. His gentle and loving kisses are a stark contrast to his gruff and domineering personality on patrol. He’s dissolving under your lips, feeling love he’s not felt in a very long time. Everything he can’t say with his voice he says with his kisses. 
You break the kiss, trailing your lips down his jaw, the scratchy hairs of his beard feel amazing on your skin. You kiss down his neck, something you’ve fantasized about thousands of times. 
“Wait,” he rasps out. 
You pull away, noticing the tent in his jeans. “Want me to stop?”
“Yes,” he breathes. Your eyebrows raise and your head tilts slightly. “No. Not like that. I just, I want to do this right. Treat you right.”
“Joel?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up,” you speak into his neck. “Need you to fuck me.”
He lets out a breathy chuckle as you continue kissing his skin, trailing back up his thick neck and nibbling at his ear. He’s panting and moaning beneath you, you never expected he’d fall apart like this. “You know,” he starts, “You told me you wanted me to fuck you when you had your concussion.” Your face grows red and you stop kissing him for a second. “Did not,”
“Did too,”
You ignore him and pretend like he didn’t just tell you that. You kiss his skin, it’s hot and slightly salty. You feel his pulse under your lips and then, you pull away. 
His brows furrow as you smile. He’s so fucking cute like this, way cuter than any fifty-something man should be. “Your turn. Tell me what you think of me, then we can continue,” 
Joel’s confidence is back and fully fledged now, it’s a welcome return. “I think you’re nothin’ but trouble. Honestly and truly,” 
“Yeah?”
“S’right. Makin’ me fat with your damn cookies. Makin’ me crazy with all your pinches. And you’ve got me fallin’ in love now. You’re a goddamn troublemaker, and I’ve known it since the day I met you,” 
It’s everything you ever wanted to hear Joel say. He’s falling for you.
He continues, “And when we get back, I get a redo. Doin’ this the right way with you, baby. Gonna make you dinner and all that. Like a gentleman,”
“You better,” you mumble, kissing him again. Your hands find their way to his jeans, fumbling with his belt. His cock grows harder beneath you, he swats your hands away and helps you free it, his member springing up between you both. 
You kneel in front of him, wrapping your fingers around the base of his cock. You lick a long stripe from the bottom all the way to the top of his dick, swirling your tongue around the blushed tip. “Troublemaker,” he sighs. “Don’t tease me now, sweetheart. Please, baby.” His eyes are screwed shut, face contorted in pleasure.
You love the way he calls you baby. And troublemaker. And sweetheart. You’ll be his baby and his sweetheart and his troublemaker for the rest of your life. 
You take him into your mouth, tongue paining his cock with swirls of saliva. His cock parts your lips, you love the smoothness of his skin. He tastes like skin and slightly salty, you hum against him as he bucks into your mouth. “Fuck, baby,”
You bob your head up and down, making a sloppy mess of saliva all over his lap. He pulls you off, suddenly. 
“My turn,” is all he grumbles when he picks you up and drags you to the couch in front of the fireplace. He makes short work of discarding your clothes, unbuttoning your jeans and your jacket and shirt. You’re naked in front of him, suddenly feeling vulnerable. You cover your breasts and bring your knees to your chest.
He notices and promptly begins removing his own clothing. “I know, I know,” he soothes you. “Evening out the playing field and all. Don’t hide from me now, I’m gonna make it right. You’re fucking beautiful, baby.” 
He’s naked now, kneeling in front of you and spreading your thighs apart. Your pussy is wet and glistening for him, you feel his hot breath on your center. He looks at you with wide eyes, his silent way of asking permission. You answer him clearly by carding your fingertips through his scalp, tugging on his head to where you need him most. You thrust your hips towards him, begging him with your body. 
“Eager, are we?” he mumbles. “Been dreamin’ of eatin this pussy, baby.” 
“Please,” you beg him. 
“Since you asked so nicely, trouble,” 
He doesn’t tease you, doesn’t spend any time kissing and biting your thighs. He dives right in, his tongue exploring your most intimate parts. It trails up your lips, through your folds. His tongue dips in your wet hole, tasting your slick. You jolt and gasp his name at the feeling. Your thighs clamp around his head, his scratchy beard is abrasive against your flesh. You welcome the feeling. 
He parts your thighs again then, a little rougher than the first time. His tongue slides through your wetness once more, then finds home at your clit, swollen and needy. He flicks upward, alternating between long and languid licks and short and quick kitten licks. One of his hands meet your center, his middle two fingers enter your pussy and punch upward until he finds the spot that makes you tick. He hasn’t touched a woman in a long time, but still remembers all the best ways to make her see stars. 
“Fuck, like that,” you gasp out. “Fuck, don’t stop.”
Joel says nothing as he eats your pussy, sucking and licking at your center. It’s not long before you’re coming undone on his tongue, your slickness making a mess of his face. Your moans are breathy and quick, he savors each one. His eyes are wide and dark with lust.
Barely recovered from your high, you grasp and paw at his shoulders, encouraging him to come up and meet you for another kiss. You taste yourself on his lips.
“Need you now, Joelie,” you breathe, breaking the kiss. 
His nickname still sounds just as sweet as the first time you whispered it, all those nights ago. 
“‘Course, trouble. I’ve got you.” he says against your skin, his tongue darting out to play with your nipples. He’s dragging the tip of his cock through your folds. “How do you want me?”
“Just like this, please. Just fuck me,”
Your wish is his command. He slides the tip into you slowly at first, making sure it’s not too much. It’s not, of course
He pushes into you all the way, you sigh in pleasure at the fullness. He fits inside you perfectly, like he was made for you. His tip presses at that sweet spot inside you with each thrust, almost effortlessly. 
“Fuck, sweetheart,” he moans. 
“Yeah, Joelie. Just like that, baby. Don’t stop,” 
He fucks you like that, not too hard and not too soft. A deliciously and devastatingly pleasant pace, with such care and love. 
And then the lightbulb goes off in your head. His butt!! 
How you wish you remembered pinching his ass that night. 
“Joel?” your voice is clear, not moaning or breathy. 
He stills inside you, taking heaving breaths on top of you, like it’s taking everything he’s got not to keep going. He looks at you with concern, afraid that he might have hurt you. “Everything okay? What do you need?” 
“Can I squeeze your butt?” 
Joel says nothing, just looks at you with a puzzled expression. He furrows his brows and squints at you before rolling his eyes.
Hey, at least you’re asking permission this time. 
“Please?”
“Yeah, dummy. It’s all yours, now. Don’t wear it out,” he grumbles, but you hear the playfulness in his tone. 
You giggle, reaching down to grasp a handful of his ass. It’s round, plump and fleshy. You dig your nails in slightly, pinching him a little. He winces slightly, shaking his head at your mischievous expression. Your eyes are bright and silly with your bottom lip pinned under your teeth in a grin.
“Hey now, trouble” he scolds you with a smile. “Behave.”
He kisses you, continuing his motions. His thrusts are so fluid and confident, you’re getting closer now, so is he. 
“Fuck, baby,” he pants. “Can’t hold off much longer. What do you need?”
You pull one of his hands from above your head and place it at your center. “Circles, please,” 
He adjusts his grip on the arm of the couch and moves his fingers to your clit, slick with your wetness and his spit from before. “You got it,”
His thrusts become sloppier, he’s letting out strangled gasps and groans. You’re moaning, crying his name as your orgasm begins to bloom inside of you. It’s intense and hot, it feels like sparks through your blood. 
“Joel, Joel,” is all you can say. He fucks you through your orgasm, chasing his own. “Fuck, Joelie.”
“I know, I know. I’m right there. Hang on for me baby, doin’ so good,” 
With a few more shuttering thrusts he’s spilling inside of you, painting your insides with his hot come. You feel every pulse and twitch of his cock, and he slumps on top of you. His skin is hot and sweaty, you don’t mind. You’ve been dreaming of his body pinning your own down for ages. 
You stay like that, just catching your breath together. He kisses your neck as your fingertips trail up and down his back. “I love you so much, Joel,” you whisper. “I really do.”
“Love you too, sweet girl,” he says softly. You love the way his voice sounds here, soft and gentle. All for you and no one else. 
He pulls out of you then, you whine at the loss. He lunges off the couch to reach for the tupperware container of snickerdoodles you baked for him.  
He pulls off the lid, grabbing a handful of cookies and shoving one in his mouth. Apparently Joel was still a typical man, snacking after sex. 
You giggle, grab a cookie of your own and kiss his cheek. He wraps an arm around you and pulls you close to watch the flames in the fireplace dance. 
“God, you’re evil,” he says, his voice muffled by the cookies in his mouth. “Force feedin’ me cookies and makin’ me fat.”
“Busted. You got me,” you say, smiling. “Gotta keep your ass nice and squeezable, hm? It was my devious plan all along. You figured it out, Sherlock.”
“Shut up. Fuckin’ troublemaker,”
tags:
@swiftispunk @rosaliedepp @pedrotonin @kittenlittle24 @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @brittmb115 @bigboiseason123 @laysmt @guiltgoreglory @aubreysylvain @leeeesahhh @harriedandharassed @southernbe @ravenouswild @luvrking @r02eg0ld @amythenortherner @walkintheprk @zpandaqueen @silkiers @angel-with-a-heart @kdogreads @boofy1998 @theoremrobin @2valentines @happy--birthday--kiddo @elissaaa @paleidiot @brie-annwyl @str84pedro @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @kyloispunk @tiredbuthappy @yuk-for-president @nopealoupe @blackvelveteen1339 @monboudoir @darleneslane @bbyanarchist @@spideysimpossiblegirl
(if you don't see your @, i got rid of the ones tumblr wouldn't let me tag. Leave me a comment if you'd like to be on the taglist!)
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love-toxin · 20 days
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billy brainrot🤭 xxxi. "You're mine. Get that through your dense little brain." with him after a breakup!! pretty please
took me 1001 years to finish this but here i am babey
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(cws: violent behavior, jealousy, toxic relationship, gn pronouns + fem nickname, possessiveness, post-breakup sex, needy billy, vaguely dubcon, shower sex, pet names, gaslighting)
Billy broke it off with you, not the other way around. He should not be the one banging on your front door, waiting by your car to catch you on the way to work, bothering you at your job to try and talk to you--and he especially should not be sabotaging your dates with other guys by showing up and causing a scene.
Punching your car window and dragging your date out to get into a fistfight with him? It's about as mature as a twelve year old's attitude. It was a first date too, not even that serious.
But that's just Billy. Just like it's quintessential for him to act all offended afterwards, like he's the one that's been put out cause you got mad at him. Then he starts up with the sweet talking, the "c'mon, mama", the kissing on your neck and telling you he missed you when you know he was messing with at least three other girls just this week. There's no reasoning with him, nor any point in entertaining his immature frame of mind. He's messed up and violent--a dangerous and unlikely-to-last cocktail for a partner.
Yet it's no surprise that you ended up in the showers with him, the pool empty and the parking lot dark since it's well close to midnight. You shouldn't have forced him to sit down with the first aid kit when he refused to go to the hospital for his cuts and that sprained shoulder--"'m not a pussy"--he said. It's different once the hot water hits his body, when he's got his hands bracing the wall behind you and his eyes burning a hole through your skull.
"You're mine." He growls over the hail of thudding water on linoleum. His skin burns as it slides over yours. "Get that through your dense little brain."
His muscles pin you like a brick wall against the shower, too broad and too strong for you to possibly resist. He slides your thigh up his hip to hook your leg around it, using the leverage to bump the tip of his rock-solid cock against you. That kiss he gives you is searing.
"Billy," You moan between kisses, your sentence finishing in a gasp as he slides in with a smirk. "You're an ass."
"You love me."
Thump. "No I don't." Thump. Each thrust knocks your head back against the tile, but Billy's hand creeps up to cushion it on the third time onward.
"You'd bite my dick off right now if you didn't."
"Nnh. I might still do it," Your warning comes with absolutely no venom, not nearly enough to wipe that grin from Billy's face as he gets exactly what he wants. Your answer makes him chuckle while he repositions you, hikes your other leg up with a grunt to hold you up against the shower wall. With both hands free you can cup his face as he makes out with you, adding to his perception that this is really what you wanted all along as your touches reminisce on a time not so long ago. When fucking in the pool room showers was a daily occurrence, tending his wounds was a kindness, and hearing him say 'I love you' felt like it actually had some meaning. Now it just feels like it's meant to placate you.
"Put on a condom, at least, you animal." You mutter amongst the sounds of skin slapping, tongues meeting teeth, and your back hitting the wet tile.
"I love you." He murmurs back. His voice rumbles against your throat, preceeding a soft but stinging bite that leaves a mark behind. You've got no idea what that answer means, but maybe it, too, means nothing. He could just be ignoring you for all you know.
"I'll pull out, baby. Y'know I will." Billy nips at your lower lip when he finally raises his head from your neck, having not had enough of using his teeth, evidently. "C'mon, mama. Love you."
"Quit it." That nickname hits you in the chest like a hammer on cloth, more than even those promises of love. He liked to tease you with that, then it became a term of endearment. You've always cared for him; reassuring his difficult emotions, cooling his anger, tending his wounds, even cooking for him and giving him affection in the simplest ways. Maybe that's why he's not letting you go. He can't do any better, but he can't let go of the only comfort he can find.
"That's it, baby..." He's losing himself now. His thrusts are aggravated, growing more aggressive as he reaches the finish line. His eyes squeeze shut and his grip tightens on your hair as his hips buck faster. "Squeeze down on it. That's it--that's, there--oh, fuck!"
The end comes as a surprise, a sudden moment of pleasure that overwhelms his ability to hold out. Billy's weight presses into you and you know--you just know by that distinct pulse inside you--that he's not pulling out like he said. Your nails dig deep scratches up his back as he closes in on it, harshly pressing your hips completely still as he forces himself past that one, last boundary that could've still allowed him an out. Now there's no choice but to drain himself inside you; cum splattering in thick drops down the drain as your legs tremble with pleasure. He always manages to get it on the last try--triggering your orgasm like it's a switch at the last possible moment. But he never misses, not even once.
Now it's sinking in. You're floating off your feet, barely able to stand when he finally lowers you down, and you have to let him hold you just so you don't fall. As much as you want to push him away, he made it so you need him to rely on. Again. And you don't feel as bad about it as you should.
"Break up with that dickhead." Billy growls into your ear, suddenly riled up again--probably over his own thoughts more than anything else. The way he has to tilt his head down just to reach your ear is a new level of intimidating...and regrettably, incredibly hot. "We need to get back together."
"You'll change your mind once your brain evicts itself from your dick." You mumble dismissively, nudging his arm down so you can grab a towel. But he stops you--he blocks you back under the water, his mouth barely a hair's width from yours as he whispers.
"I want you back, baby."
"This was a mistake. It was a first date anyways, weren't even 'together' in the first place...and I still don't want you back."
"Doesn't change the fact that I love you. We fit together." He murmurs into another kiss that you less than reluctantly accept. A lock of your hair curls around his bronzed skin as he twirls it round his finger. "Think about it, at least. I know you want it."
"Why the hell would I?"
"Cause you can't last a week without fucking me." That, at least, is true. But that doesn't...mean anything. Plenty of people backslide, it doesn't mean you're still in love with him. You turn your head in a pout and he smirks at the idea that he's right.
"I like your dick. Not you."
"Then take it every day." He grabs your hand and moves it over his crotch, just to laugh when you yank it away and slap him. It's not hard. Much less hard enough to make him feel anything but affection at how feisty you still are. "You're still mine. My pretty little slut-"
As he whispers low in your ear you finally break away from him, just barely stepping out of the shower when he grabs your ass on the way out. You have to wrench his wrist off to get him to let go and that's fortunately enough for him, but it doesn't change the downright predatory stare he gives you as he watches you dry off and get your clothes back on in a hurry.
"Come by the quarry later. Tomorrow. Let's have some fun in our old spot."
"Don't count on it."
You're done up and out the door before he knows it. Your car revs up in the parking lot outside before peeling out like a madwoman--and he can only imagine the way you're yelling and hitting your steering wheel as you drive, trying and failing to force your thoughts of him out of your head and the way that orgasm felt rippling through you, just as good as he always makes it feel.
He'll definitely be seeing you at the quarry tomorrow night.
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fatecantstopme · 3 months
Text
Truth Serum
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Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader
Summary: When you're captured by a powerful witch, Sam and Dean race to save you. The three of you are confronted with painful truths that will change your relationships forever.
Warnings: Canon violence, swearing, use of pet names. SMUT, oral (M and F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V), dom/sub vibes. Dean surrenders control to reader.
Buy Me a Coffee 💜
You woke up in an unfamiliar room, unable to move, and your memory was fuzzy--you had no idea how you'd gotten here. All you knew in that moment was your head was pounding and your arms were tied securely behind your back.
You looked around the room, seeking something familiar to ground yourself, but nothing spoke to you. You wracked your brain in an attempt to remember how the hell you got here...the last thing you could remember was going to get dinner for yourself and the boys.
Sam and Dean's faces appeared in your mind and you strained to hear anything else in the room or surrounding area--seeking either of their voices or anything that might indicate they were near. To your dismay, it was completely silent, not a single sound disturbed the night. All you could hear was the sound of your own panicked heart beating and the deep breaths that accompanied it.
You knew the boys would be searching for you, but you had no idea how long you'd been missing or if there were any signs of where you'd gone. You could only hope they would find you before it was too late. You had a feeling the witch the three of you had been hunting had found you first--and there was no telling what they would do to you.
You tried in vain to get yourself out of the binds that secured your hands together, swearing under your breath as the actions were fruitless. The only thing you'd succeeded in doing was giving yourself rope burn on both wrists.
At some point during your struggle, another person had entered the room, but you didn't notice their presence until they spoke. "Glad to see you're awake."
Your head spun in the direction of the voice and a woman stepped out from the shadows with a dark smirk on her face. She was objectively quite beautiful, with sunshine blond hair and brilliant green eyes. Her eyes reminded you of Dean's emerald orbs--though her's lacked the spark that lived in Dean's.
"Who are you?" you asked angrily.
"My name is Camille, little hunter. I believe you've been looking for me."
Her voice had an odd melodic tone to it that bothered you in a way you couldn't quite explain. It made your brain both fuzzy and painfully clear at the same time--a combination you didn't care to ever experience again.
"You're the witch I've been hunting," you stated.
"Very good, little hunter."
"I do have a name, you know," you muttered, slightly annoyed at the nickname.
"My apologies, hunter. What is your name?"
"(Y/N)."
"(Y/N)," Camille repeated. "And are you here alone?"
Every instinct you had told you to lie, but when you opened your mouth, you were surprised when the truth spilled from your lips. "No, I am here with two other hunters."
Camille smiled cruelly as she observed the shocked expression on your face. "You'd intended to lie, hadn't you?"
That melodic tone had intensified and you struggled to form the words you wanted. "What are you doing to me?" you growled lowly.
Camille smirked again. "Teaching you not to lie, little hunter."
"Well stop," you insisted.
She laughed. "Sorry, little hunter. It's part of my charm." She paused, attention turning towards the door. "It appears we're no longer alone." She put her finger to her lips and faded back into the shadow.
You shifted your gaze to the door and began listening for sounds. You heard the telltale sound of boots hitting the floor and you knew in your heart it was Sam and Dean. Everything in you wanted to call out to them--to warn them--scream--something, but not a single sound escaped when you opened your mouth. Anger settled in your bones, hating your inability to warn your friends.
The doorknob began to turn slowly and you let out a soft whine--the most you could manage in the moment.
"(Y/N)?" Dean's voice whispered from the other side of the door.
You were relieved to hear his voice, but terrified of what would happen next. You wanted to respond, but words continued to escape you.
The door slowly opened to reveal Sam and Dean's concerned faces. They quickly scanned the room, eyes falling on your form in the center of the room.
"(Y/N/N)," Dean said, clearly relieved to see you unharmed.
He started to come towards you, but you shook your head, eyes wide and alert. You wanted to say something, needed to tell him the witch was here--they were all in danger.
"Hey, sweetheart. It's okay. We'll get you out of here," Dean whispered.
You shook your head again, but it was too late. As soon as Dean took a step towards you, Camille stepped forward and sent both him and Sam flying against the wall. She waved her hand and two chairs appeared beside yours, and with another wave, both men were seated in said chairs. Their arms were tied behind their chairs in similar fashion to yours before they could even register what was happening.
"I'm so glad you could join us," Camille said as she came farther into the room, fully revealing herself to the new arrivals.
Dean glared at her in annoyance. "I'm guessing you're the witch bitch we've been looking for."
She smiled. "Indeed I am. My name is Camille, and who do I have the pleasure of speaking to?"
"Dean Winchester," Dean forced out, a look of surprise on his face. "And this is my brother, Sam."
Camille smiled. "Oh I've heard of you--the great Winchesters. I'm honored to have made your list, though I'm afraid you won't be successful this time around."
"Don't be too sure about that," Sam stated, speaking for the first time.
"It appears I have the upper hand, little hunters, so save the ego for someone else."
"'Little hunters'?" Dean asked in annoyance.
"Don't let it bother you, she's been calling me that since I woke up," you muttered. "I think it brings her joy."
"It does bring me joy," Camille commented. "But what really makes me happy is having the three of you here to play with. This is going to be such fun."
You felt the anger rise within you once again and you struggled against your bindings--useless or not, you couldn't give up. You noticed both Sam and Dean were doing the same.
"What do you want with us?" Sam asked.
"Obviously I'm going to kill you," she answered. "But not just yet."
You closed your eyes, sadness washing over you. You didn't want to die, but you couldn't bear the thought of Dean dying. Not that you didn't care about Sam, but you cared for Dean very deeply--seeing him die would destroy you.
"You shouldn't have come," you whispered.
"What was that, little hunter?"
You turned your gaze to Dean, who was sitting directly to your left, with Sam on the other side of him. "Neither of you should have come."
Surprise lit up both men's faces, but it was Dean who spoke. "Did you really think we would leave you?"
You shook your head and sighed.
"Tell us, little hunter, why didn't you want them to save you?"
You made eye contact with Camille and felt the anger flare up again. You resisted answering her question directly, instead saying, "I don't want anything to happen to them."
Camille took a step closer to you. "You're strong willed, little hunter. Most people can't resist my charms--I have them spilling their deepest, darkest secrets within seconds."
You simply glared at her, not willing to give in to her bait.
"Come now, tell me the truth," Camille said softly. "Why didn't you want them to save you?"
The melodic tone of her voice threatened to crush you. It felt like someone was squeezing your insides every time you attempted to resist her demands--whenever you wanted to lie or avoid the truth.
"What the hell are you doing to her?" Dean yelled.
"She needs to be honest. I don't like being lied to."
The pain intensified, forcing the words from your lips, "I didn't want Dean to get hurt."
"That's better," Camille said smugly. "Just Dean? What about Sam? You don't care about him?"
"Of course I do," you insisted.
"Then why did you only mention Dean?"
You tried to resist--you didn't want to admit the truth, especially in front of Dean. You'd spent years hiding your feelings and you sure as hell didn't want to admit to anything in the presence of witnesses. "None of your business," you forced out painfully.
Camille's face lit up in surprise. "Very strong willed," she muttered. "You can't resist forever, little hunter."
Her voice made the pain you were experiencing almost unbearable. You could barely breathe and a gasp of pain escaped your lips.
"(Y/N), please," Dean begged, clearly worried about you.
Your resolve broke and the words slipped from your mouth without thought, "I care about him!" As soon as the words left your lips, the pain lifted, allowing you to catch your breath.
"See? Was that so hard?" Camille asked cruelly. "Who's next?" She looked at both men before stepping towards Sam. "Tell me, Samuel, why did you come to save (Y/N)?"
"Because she's family," Sam answered honestly.
His words warmed your heart and you shot a weak smile his way. You considered Sam and Dean family too--it was nice to know they felt the same, or at least Sam did. You couldn't look at Dean, you were too afraid of what you'd see on his face. You hadn't really admitted your feelings, but you were worried he knew you too well to miss the truth in your words.
"Boring," Camille muttered before turning her attention to Dean instead. "Your turn, handsome. Why did you come to save (Y/N)?"
Dean glared at her, but his face twitched slightly, belying the pain he was feeling. It took all his strength to force out the words, "What he said," while nodding his head in his brother's direction.
Camille laughed coldly. "Don't lie to me, Dean." She leaned forward and asked him again, but he continued to resist.
You forced yourself to look at him and you could see the pain in his eyes. He was desperately trying to keep himself from answering, but it was obvious he was losing the battle.
Camille frowned and leaned farther forward, grabbing his chin in her hand and forcing him to make eye contact with her. "Answer me, Dean. Why did you come to save (Y/N)?"
Dean struggled for a moment, jaw clenched in anger and frustration. Camille squeezed his jaw harshly and Dean groaned in pain. Just when you thought Camille was going to give up, Dean yelled his answer, shocking everyone present. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"
He was breathless as the words left his lips and Camille let go of his face, a smile gracing her pretty face. "Finally, a little honesty."
You were shocked into silence, unable to fully process his words and their meaning. Dean Winchester couldn't have possibly just admitted his feelings for you--there was no way.
Camille returned her attention to you, a dark smile on her face. "How does that make you feel, (Y/N)?"
You closed your eyes and didn't answer her question.
"You admitted you care about him, but do you love him too?"
You stayed silent, fighting her truth-forcing voice. It wasn't that you didn't want to admit your feelings--you just didn't want her to know. You didn't want her to use your love for Dean against you or him. So you resisted her charms and kept your mouth shut despite the pain.
"If I can force the great Dean Winchester to be honest, don't think for a second that I can't do the same to you, little hunter," Camille seethed.
Your eyes shot open and you glared at her, burning a hole in her soul. "No," you growled.
"No, you don't love him?"
You didn't respond.
"Or you think you can keep your feelings a secret?"
You still didn't respond.
Camille put her hands on the arms of your chair and leaned in, her face frighteningly close to yours. "Tell me the truth, or I'll kill him."
You didn't need to ask to know she was referring to Dean and not Sam. For a moment you considered calling her bluff, but the anger in her eyes told you she wasn't playing a game. She would kill him without hesitation.
You turned your head to look at Dean and found his gaze already on you. Terror was etched into his handsome features--terror for you. Your decision was made in an instant and you stopped fighting.
"I'm so sorry, Dean," you said, addressing the green-eyed hunter directly. "I know I promised you we would always be friends, but I don't think I can do that anymore. You see…I fell in love with you. I don't even know when it happened, it just--did."
Dean's beautiful green eyes betrayed his emotions, even if his face remained impassive. He'd spent the better part of the past two years wishing and hoping to hear you say those words to him. You could see the love reflected in his gaze and you knew his utterance hadn't been a heat of the moment thing--he'd meant it.
Camille's face remained close to yours as she laughed mockingly. "It's a pity you didn't admit your feelings sooner--perhaps you could have been together."
Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Sam's hands slipping from the grasp of the ropes. In a split second, you made a decision that could either save your life or end it. You turned your attention back to Camille and slammed your forehead into her face with all of your strength.
Luckily, you'd caught the witch by surprise and she want sprawling backwards, clutching her nose and cursing angrily. Her attention remained on you as she started to recite a spell.
The pain that struck your body was unlike anything you'd ever felt before and you knew you were dying--if she had the opportunity to finish the spell, you would be gone.
Dean yelled your name and struggled with everything he had to free himself. Sam, on the other hand, had sprung up from his chair and lunged at Camille, sending her sprawling onto the floor. The two of them were struggling as Sam pulled a knife from inside his jacket.
Dean managed to get his hands out of the ropes and he quickly jumped into the fray to help his brother. Sam managed to slip the blade into Camille's chest--a scream of pain leaving her throat.
Knowing his brother had the situation under control, Dean turned his attention to you. You were breathing heavily, but were mostly unharmed. The effects of Camille's spell were dying with her, for which you were thankful.
Dean pulled out his own knife and cut the ropes that bound you. You instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck and fell against him. His arms wrapped around you and he held you close. "You okay, sweetheart?" he asked softly.
You lifted your head to look at him and nodded, tears filling your eyes.
He offered you a soft smile and brushed your hair from your face. "Let's get you out of here."
"Please," you muttered.
Dean helped you up and turned to look for his brother. Sam had just stood up, Camille's body lying dead on the floor beneath him. "She's gone. I'll take care of the body and we can get the hell out of here."
Dean nodded. "I'm gonna take (Y/N) back to the motel. She needs to rest."
"I'm fine, Dean--really," you insisted.
Dean shot you a glance. "You had it worse than either of us. You need to rest."
His voice was so firm, leaving no room for argument, so you threw your hands up in surrender.
Sam offered you a soft smile. "He's right, (Y/N). I'll meet you guys back at the motel when I'm done here."
"Call if you need anything," Dean said before escorting you from the room.
**********
The car ride back to the motel was completely silent--and not in the comfortable way. Neither of you knew what to say or where to begin. There was an awkwardness between you that you'd never had before and it only added to the pre-existing tension.
When you got into the motel room, you sat down on your bed with a sigh. Dean grabbed two beers from the fridge, handing one to you before taking a seat at the little table by the door.
The two of you began to drink your beers in silence, but it quickly became unbearable. "Dean, I think we should talk."
He looked at you for the first time since you'd gotten back to the motel. You could see the fear in his eyes and you realized he was worried you were going to tell him you didn't mean what you'd said--that you didn't love him.
You sat the beer on the side table and stood up. "Don't you think for a single moment that I didn't mean what I said, Dean Winchester. I meant it--every word. No witch can make me say something that isn't true...I've been in love with you for years."
His lips parted in surprise, eyes swimming with emotions. "I meant it too," he whispered as he stood up and stepped towards you. "I love you, (Y/N)--I think I always have."
Your lips curled up in a small smile. "This isn't how I'd planned on telling you."
"Had you planned on telling me?"
"No," you answered honestly. "I was scared."
"Me too," he said softly. "Terrified, actually."
"Of what?"
"I always assumed you wouldn't want me...you know me too well, (Y/N). You've seen me at my absolute worst and you know how damaged and broken I am. Why in the world would you choose to love me?"
"Okay, first of all, cut that self-loathing shit out. You don't get to do that with me. You're right--I do know you too well. I have seen you at your worst, but I've also seen you at your best. I know who you truly are and you're a damn hero, Dean. You inspire me every day. We face the shittiest things life can possibly throw at us and you always keep fighting--you never give up. You keep me going even when I want to give up. You're the most incredible man I have ever met and I am truly blessed to be loved by you."
He took three steps forward, stopping mere inches from you. His eyes were filled with love, which you were certain was reflected in your own. "I don't deserve you, baby, but I swear I will never stop trying to be worthy of your love."
You touched his cheek gently. "You don't have to try, Dean. I love you just as you are."
He smiled slowly, his eyes lighting up as his gaze scanned your face. "Anyone ever tell you you look like a goddess?"
You laughed lightly. "You'd be the first."
He gave you an adorable lopsided grin, as his arm snaked around your waist and tugged you closer. He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours and you melted into him, a soft moan escaping against his lips.
His tongue brushed gently against your lips, which you parted to allow him entry. He tasted like mint and beer and something just distinctly Dean.
You slipped your hands into his jacket and pushed it off his shoulders, before doing the same with his flannel. His gentle, calloused hands slid under your shirt and pushed it upwards. You broke the kiss long enough to allow him to take off your shirt and his own before connecting your lips again.
You reveled in the feeling of his warm, strong chest against yours. His skin was soft and smooth as you ran your hands over the taunt muscles of his back.
His hands slipped lower, caressing your ass, fingers digging in as he tugged you closer to him. You could feel his bulge pressing into your lower belly and you were suddenly desperate to feel him--really feel him.
You tugged on his belt, undoing it quickly then shifting to the button on his jeans. He helped you remove his jeans and you took the opportunity to remove yours as well. As soon as you were both mostly naked, Dean grabbed you and dragged you to the bed, tossing you onto it and crawling on top of you.
His hungry lips attacked yours again, hands roaming any part of you he could reach. "God, your skin is so soft, baby," he whispered.
You didn't have the opportunity to respond as Dean's lips found the sweet spot on your neck--the one that always drove you wild. You had no idea how he knew where to kiss, but you didn't have it in you to ask. The soft moans that left your lips told him how much you were enjoying the feeling of his lips against your skin--and he had no intention of stopping.
His hand slipped behind your back and tugged at the clasp of your bra. You arched your back to give him better access and he made quick work of the undergarment, tugging it off and throwing it across the room. He groaned softly as he gazed at your exposed breasts. "I think it would be best if you never wore a bra again," he mumbled.
Your soft chuckle turned to moans of pleasure as his lips attached to your nipple and his hands began to gently kneed your supple flesh. Your fingers wound themselves into his short hair and you sighed happily, enjoying the feeling of his hands on you.
His mouth continued its trail downward, placing open mouthed kisses to your skin. He nipped at the softer parts of your body, eliciting gasps and moans of enjoyment.
He smirked against your skin, enjoying the sounds you made for him. He pressed his lips to your core, teasing you with his lips and tongue before finally slipping his tongue between your folds. He growled lowly, burying his face deeply between your thighs.
"Dean," you gasped, fingers twisting into his hair.
"You taste like fucking heaven," he murmured, lifting his head just enough to get the words out before diving back in.
You'd had sex plenty of times before, but never in your life had you been eaten out like this--Dean Winchester was a master--a genius--with his mouth.
"Fuck--Dean, please!" you cried.
He seemed to know what you needed, reading your body like a book. He slid two fingers inside of you and began to gently press them into your most sensitive spot, drag them along your walls, and do it again on repeat.
His mouth focused on your clit while his fingers continued to stroke your walls. He could feel you getting close--your pussy was squeezing his fingers and your thighs had begun to tighten around his head.
Your fingertips scratched against his scalp and you ground yourself down against his mouth, chasing your impending orgasm. Dean tightened his grip on your hips, holding you in place. Your moans increased in volume as you suddenly fell over the edge.
Your legs began to shake as wave after wave of pleasure washed over you. Dean continued his ministrations, not wanting to stop until you forcefully tugged his hair to get him off.
"Sensitive, baby," you whimpered.
Dean gave your pussy a few more kitten licks before relenting and allowing you to pull him up. He licked his lips happily, a smirk gracing his handsome face.
He crawled back up your body, kissing your skin as he moved. When his lips finally pressed against yours again, his cock brushed against your core, earning a sharp inhale from both of you.
"I wanted to take my time with you, sweetheart, but I need to be inside of you immediately."
You chuckled lightly. "I'm certainly not going to complain."
He grinned and flipped over onto his back, dragging you with him so you were now straddling his thighs.
"Dean!" you giggled as he manhandled you.
"I thought you'd want to ride me," he teased.
"Oh did you now?"
"Since you like to be in control and all."
"Just because I tell you what to do, doesn't mean I want to be in control in bed, Dean."
"So you don't wanna be on top?" he asked. "Cuz I can roll you back over, pretty girl."
You pressed both hands down on his chest to keep him in place. "Now, I didn't say that..."
He grinned. "That's what I thought."
"But if you're gonna give me control, I want complete control."
He looked a little worried for a moment before nodding slowly.
"Hey," you said softly. "If you don't want to, it's okay."
"No, no--I want to," he insisted. "I'm just...not used to it."
"If you want me to stop or you don't like something I'm doing, just tell me, okay?"
He nodded and squeezed your hips affectionately. "I trust you."
You smiled and leaned down to kiss him. "Put your arms above your head."
He did as you asked and waited for your next command.
"Hold on to the headboard, handsome," you ordered. "And do not move them, understand?"
He nodded.
You grabbed his jaw and held it tightly. "Words, Dean."
His eyes widened in surprise, but you noticed the dark lustful look in them. "Yes ma'am," he whispered.
"Good boy." You sat back up and slid back so you were straddling his thighs. You dragged your fingers down his chest, nails scratching gently against his skin.
He groaned softly, clearly enjoying the sensation.
You smiled, pleased to see he liked what you were doing. You lowered your head to lick a stripe up his painfully hard cock. You twirled your tongue slowly around the head, eliciting a moan of pleasure from Dean.
You smirked before dropping your head to take him into your mouth as deeply as you could.
"Oh--fuck--" he groaned.
Your head was bobbing up and down, sucking his cock like your life depended on it. You relaxed your throat, allowing him to slip farther in. You constricted your throat around him and continued to use your tongue to pleasure him.
"Holy--" Dean squirmed beneath you. "Feels so good, baby."
You moaned, the vibrations sending a wave of pleasure through his entire body.
"Jesus, baby." He was dying to tangle his fingers in your hair, but he didn't want to disobey your order. "I can't--baby, I need you to stop or I'm gonna cum."
You moaned in disappointment, but you lifted your head off of him and moved to straddle his hips. You gently rubbed your core against his cock, and his hips thrust upwards in an attempt to seek more friction.
"Uh-uh, no moving," you ordered.
"But, I--"
"No moving, Dean. Keep your hands where they are and keep those hips on the bed."
"Yes ma'am," he mumbled.
You smiled softly and stroked his cheek affectionately. "I'll let you know when you can move."
You grabbed his cock and lined it up with your core before sinking down on it in one fluid motion. You both groaned in pleasure at the feeling--your pussy stretched to the absolute max.
You took a deep breath before beginning to move your hips, grinding against him and twisting your hips in a circle.
As you moved, your hands traveled up your body to your neck. From there, you slowly moved both hands down your body, stopping to massage your breasts. You played with your nipples as you watched Dean, his eyes glued to your motions.
You moaned softly, tossing your head back in pleasure. You loved seeing him struggling to keep control of himself beneath you. You smirked at the way he was white knuckling the headboard, obviously desperate to touch you, but afraid to disobey you.
"You're doing so good for me, baby," you murmured.
He whimpered softly as he watched you.
You moved your hands down your stomach, allowing one to slip between your legs to gently massage your clit. The other hand traveled back to your breasts to toy with them.
"Fuck, baby," Dean whispered. "Let me touch you."
"Not yet."
He groaned and squeezed the headboard tighter.
You smiled as you began to move up and down, gathering speed as you did so.
"Please," Dean begged. "Please, baby--I wanna touch you."
"I know you do, handsome, but you can't yet."
He whimpered softly and shifted his hips. You could feel the desperation seeping from him, but you knew the longer you held him off, the better it would feel for the both of you when he finally did touch you.
You continued your movements, but you placed both of your hands on his chest, touching and teasing him with your soft fingers.
He groaned in frustration and desperation. "Baby," he begged again. "Please."
You leaned forward and brushed your lips against his, pulling back when he tried to return the kiss. He chased after your lips, whimpering when you sat back up.
"How badly do you wanna touch me?"
"I would do anything, (Y/N)."
You smirked. "Do you need to touch me?"
He looked almost pained as he stared into your eyes. "I need it so badly, baby. Please, (Y/N/N). Please just let me touch you."
Your expression softened and you decided to take pity on him, so you leaned forward, brushing your lips against his ear. "Touch me, Dean."
In an instant, his hands left the headboard and grabbed you tightly, pulling you to him as he began to thrust up into you.
You gasped in surprise and pleasure.
He pressed his feet into the mattress and began to thrust up into you with force. He was holding you tightly to keep you in place, his teeth nipping at your neck and shoulder as he moved.
You were at a loss for words--the pleasure so overwhelming you couldn't breathe, let alone think.
"Fuck, I need to see you," he groaned as he flipped you onto your back and hovered over you. He grabbed your legs and lifted them up, putting one on either side of his head as he continued to thrust into you.
This new angle made your legs shake and you cried out, screaming his name repeatedly as he pumped into you.
"That's it baby, tell everyone who's fucking you--let them know who makes you feel good."
Your orgasm hit you so suddenly it shocked you. You screamed again as you came with force.
Dean didn't stop, he wanted more from you and he would give anything to see you come undone again.
"It's too much!" you whimpered.
"Do you want me to stop, baby?"
You didn't respond, barely able to speak.
"Come on, sweetheart. Do you want me to stop?"
"Don't stop!" you gasped.
He grinned. "I won't, baby."
He slipped a hand between your legs and began to slowly circle your clit, applying just a little pressure in time with your moans.
The pleasure you were experiencing was so incredible--it was unlike anything you'd ever even imagined. The sounds coming from your mouth would have been embarrassing in any other context, but you couldn't be bothered to care.
As for Dean, he was loving the sounds you made and the way you looked beneath him. He was using every ounce of his self-control not to cum, but his control was waning.
Another orgasm hit you--once again shocking you both with its suddenness and intensity. You screamed his name as you came harshly.
Dean finally allowed your legs to drop and he leaned forward, caging you beneath him as he began to chase his own high. He was already close--and you could tell.
"Don't cum until I say," you whispered.
His eyes widened. "Baby--I don't think I can hold off--"
"Yes you can, Dean. Do it for me."
He groaned softly, but nodded his agreement. He kissed you passionately, which you returned in kind. You wrapped your arms and legs around him, pulling him as close to you as you could.
"I don't know how much longer I can wait," he murmured.
"You can do it, baby. You're doing so good for me."
He dug his fingers into the sheets on either side of your head and focused entirely on not cumming until you gave him permission.
You waited a few more moments before giving him the command he was desperate for, "Cum for me."
"Fuck, (Y/N)," he groaned loudly, spilling inside of you. His whole body was shaking as he continued to fill you up, gasps and moans slipping from his lips into your skin.
Finally, he collapsed on top of you, breathing heavily as he came down. You ran your fingers down his back in a gentle, affectionate manner. You loved the feeling of his large body laying on top of you, hard and warm against your soft skin.
"Never thought I'd feel like this," Dean mumbled into your neck.
"What do you mean?"
"I didn't know sex could be this good. You're fucking incredible, baby."
You chuckled lightly. "Right back at you, handsome."
He groaned as he slowly rolled off of you. "I don't think I can move more than that."
You laughed. "I can't feel my legs, so I can't help you."
"God, I love hearing you say that."
"I love you," you said warmly.
He turned his head to look at you. "I love you too, baby."
You smiled at him and he surprised you by grabbing your hand and lifting it to his lips. He placed a soft kiss against it and then laid your hand and his on his chest.
"Who knew Dean Winchester could be so submissive," you teased.
"Only for you, sweetheart. Anyone else asks and it'd be a hard no. You're the only one that gets to see my sweet, sensitive side."
"Wait--you have a sweet, sensitive side?"
He glared at you and you laughed warmly.
"You're the sweetest, most sensitive man I know." You managed to roll onto your side so you could kiss him affectionately.
"Don't tell anyone," he whispered. "I have a reputation to maintain."
"Don't worry, Winchester. Your secret's safe with me."
He smiled warmly and tugged you close to him. "Would you judge me if I just passed out?"
You chuckled softly. "As long as you don't mind me passing out too."
"So what you're saying is, you wanna sleep with me?"
You laughed. "I would love to sleep with you, Dean."
He grinned and kissed the top of your head. "How'd I get to be so lucky?"
"Something about a witch with truth serum powers."
He chuckled. "Who knew I'd be thankful for witchy mojo?"
You smiled and curled up into his side, sighing contentedly. "Goodnight, Dean," you whispered.
"Goodnight, beautiful. I love you."
"Love you too," you mumbled, already drifting off to a peaceful sleep in the arm's of the only man you've ever truly loved.
788 notes · View notes
taexual · 1 month
Text
sleepwalking ● 21 | jjk
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pairing: jungkook x fem!reader
summary: due to unfortunate circumstances, you ended up managing your ex-boyfriend’s band. you thought you’ve both made peace with it, but suddenly he’s very eager to prove to you that first love never dies.
genre: rockstar!jungkook / exes to lovers
warnings: explicit language, suggestive themes, FLUFF!!, angst, SLOW BURN
words: 16.4k
read from the beginning ○ masterlist
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chapter 21 ► love me 'til my heart stops, hit me like a freight truck
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You didn’t have the courage to knock on Jungkook’s door when you woke up the next morning. Your mind had sobered enough to recall stumbling into his room after accidentally trying to pick his lock, and you did not want to remember anything else. The rest of the night was blurry anyway, but you deduced easily enough that Jungkook was the reason you woke up smothered under the warm covers.
You wanted to stay in your room for as long as possible, but your headache was so severe that, if divided between people, it could have knocked out a small village for two days. You needed water. Most unfortunately, the hotel had no room service, so you had to find your way out of bed.
The world had finally stopped twirling around you, but that wasn’t a big improvement because other things bothered you now, like the carpet texture under your feet. Or the light that burned your eyes. Or your satin dress, which had felt comfortable last night but scratched you all over this morning.
Lacking the energy to change, you drew the curtains to block out the late morning sunlight and threw on a robe. Then you hesitated in the middle of the room, trying to place your belongings. You thought you remembered having a jacket on yesterday, but as you scanned your room, you couldn’t see it anywhere.
To make matters worse, when you left your room and the door shut behind you with a loud click, you were forced to pause and strain your muscles to stay upright. Every sound felt amplified like a megaphone had been taped directly to your brain.
You took a deep breath and turned the corner towards the stairwell. Your morning got a little brighter just then—you saw Luna cross the corridor, looking almost exactly how you felt. Taehyung was at her side, pushing a water bottle into her exhausted hand as he led her back to their room. He noticed you and immediately shook his head in disapproval, first at you and then at his girlfriend (not for the first time, judging from Luna’s defeated sigh).
Just as you were about to speak up in your defence, you smacked right into something solid and recoiled in surprise.
Jungkook nearly dropped his phone from the impact. He grabbed the railing of the stairs for support and turned around.
“Shit—hi,” he said. “Didn’t expect to see you out of bed so early.”
The feeling was, obviously, mutual as your reluctant mind needed a moment to understand what was happening.
“What are you—why are you just standing here?” you asked, rubbing your forehead with your fingers. You had hit the clasp of his necklace when you walked into him, and the sharp pain began to pirouette around your head again.
“I was on my way downstairs for breakfast,” he said, a hint of amusement threading his every word as he observed your attempts to make sense of your surroundings. “But I wanted to text you first, so I’d know what to bring you.”
“It—thank you,” you replied, softer. Your thoughts had knotted into a jumbled, incomprehensible mess as images of Taehyung and Luna flashed through your mind again. “But I can go down. I think.”
“Are you sure?” he asked. He remembered you saying that last night, right before he’d half-carried you to your room. “Walking isn’t your strong suit when you’re drunk.”
You took a sharp breath. The mention of alcohol seemed to cause an unpleasant swirl in your already upset stomach.
You wondered briefly how noticeable your sudden nausea was, because Jungkook put his phone away and reached for you. You realised right then that you hadn’t even glanced in the mirror before you left your room. You could only imagine the state of last night’s makeup on your face right now.
“It’s clearly not my strong suit now either,” you said. “Sorry I nearly pushed you down the stairs just now.”
“It’s okay,” he said, snickering. One of his hands hovered over your arm in case you were planning to topple over. “Are you sure you should have drunk that much last night, though?”
“Of course I shouldn’t have,” you said, shielding your eyes with a weary hand as curious rays of sunlight filtered through the small windows by the stairs. “But what’s done is done. I think I’ve already embarrassed myself enough by breaking into your room last night, so that’s my punishment. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook said. He took a small step to the left to provide you with a shadow from the sunlight. “You didn’t do anything I haven’t seen before.”
You groaned. “That somehow makes it worse. But serves me right, I guess. I even lost my jacket.”
“You—” his laughter cut him off. You groaned again, only adding to his amusement. “Different shoes and no jacket. Sounds like quite the night.”
You wanted to shake your head but did not dare move it. Instead, you leaned against the wall, seeking additional steadiness that your stiff legs could not provide. Your ankles felt stretched out and twisted around, and the rigid hotel slippers did not help.
“Get something to eat,” Jungkook suggested, noticing your struggle to hold yourself up. “You’ll feel better.”
You closed your eyes. Your stomach was already churning precariously; you weren’t ready to eat yet.
“No, I just need water and I’ll be perfect,” you said. “I’m going—”
“I can bring it to you,” he offered promptly.
“I’ll walk,” you asserted. Then, realising that you were declining his kind intentions and he deserved an explanation, you cleared your throat and gestured around vaguely. “I brought this upon myself, you know? So…”
“So, you should punish yourself for having fun?” he questioned skeptically.
You shrugged. You did feel responsible for your splitting headache. But you also hoped that walking around would help ease your frozen muscles, which was, perhaps, a result of sleeping like a log all night. Although all that drinking and dancing probably added to the pain, too.
“Could you check on Maggie for me, though?” you asked, holding onto the railing nearby to keep your balance because the wall was not enough. The more you blinked, the more your body yearned to recline. “I’ve seen Luna, so I know she’s alive, but I haven’t heard from Mags.”
“Oh, yeah, of course,” he said, pivoting around you. He was evidently prepared to fulfil your request immediately.
You stopped him by placing an unsteady hand on his arm.
“I haven’t forgotten that we—we need to talk,” you said. “And our film.”
Jungkook turned around again. Despite the uncertainty that seemed to boil in his stomach at that thought, he liked hearing this – we need to talk. Our film. He thought he would have liked hearing about you peeling potatoes and parallel parking between two trucks together.
“Oh.” He looked at the small window in the stairwell; the stained glass was thick, but the sunlight behind it was too persistent. “Well—we don’t have to talk or watch anything today. You should—”
“No, no, we will,” you insisted. You said this with no additional pain on your face, and Jungkook took it as a positive sign. “Let me just grab some water, and—”
“I’d prefer it if you got some proper rest first, actually,” he said as you pushed yourself off the wall and paused to catch your breath after the exertion. “I can tell you’re not feeling well.”
You huffed again. Really, an average crow—one of those cawing in the trees outside the hotel—could have recognised that you weren’t feeling well. You wondered if you had enough energy to pretend otherwise.
“I’m—well, I’ll take something for my headache when I get back to my room,” you said. “And, if you wouldn’t mind, I could use a quick nap. And then we—”
“I’ll get us some snacks,” he decided, “so you can come straight to my room after you wake up.”
You managed a grateful smile. “Okay. That sounds perfect.”
He smiled back, and for a minute, the two of you lingered in the warm silence, watching each other as your silhouettes merged into one in the hazy sunlight. Once the realisation dawned that you were just standing here, staring at each other and grinning, the two of you erupted into bashful chuckles and looked away.
A new, unexpected feeling joined the heaviness in your stomach, replacing some of your nausea with a sensation oddly reminiscent of bliss.
“I’m off, then,” Jungkook said, waving his hand towards the corridor. “I’ll check if Maggie’s okay.”
“Thank you,” you said, “I’ll see you later.”
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And it really was much later.
When you returned to your room with a water bottle, Jungkook texted you to confirm that Maggie was alive and well, albeit dying of thirst, which he helped her out with. Apparently, she also had your jacket.
Relieved that some of your concerns had already been put to rest, you finished your water, took some ibuprofen, and returned to bed.
And when you woke up, you were understandably startled to discover you had slept for over five hours.
You opened the curtains to get a better idea of the time, but the overcast sky made the hour seem even later than it really was. So you tried another approach and went to the bathroom to wash up, get rid of the pillow creases on your face, and fully wake yourself up.
By the time you knocked on Jungkook’s door, it was almost seven in the evening. You arrived armed with your laptop and dressed in appropriate film night attire: dark joggers and a hoodie. But so much time had passed since your encounter in the stairwell that you wouldn’t have blamed him if he’d found something better to do instead.
Actually, you realised while you waited for the door to open—or not to open—that two weeks ago, Jungkook would have probably gone out with Sid to avoid spending this time alone. But now he opened the door for you, smiling as if you had just made plans and he hadn’t been waiting for you for hours.
“Hey,” he greeted, stepping aside to let you in. “I was just about to check on you.”
“I think I went into a bit of a coma for a while there. Sorry,” you said, walking inside. “And, of course, I’ve got a headache again now because I’ve been asleep for so long. Should we go for something to eat, and maybe—”
You stopped abruptly when you noticed the snacks strewn across his bed—a mound of chocolate-coated dragées, an unnecessarily large fortress of chocolate-chip cookie boxes, and an entire trove of crisps and popcorn. It took you a minute to comprehend it all, and then another minute to come up with a possible explanation as to how he could have got all this; there were no grocery shops within five kilometres of the hotel.
Jungkook closed the door and followed your gaze to his bed.
“Oh,” he said, not responding to your unasked questions. “Maybe it’d be better if you had a proper meal—”
“Are you kidding?” You jumped on the bed with an energy you did not realise you had and reached for one of the brown bags of chocolates, nearly dropping your laptop in excitement. “We’re eating this, and absolutely nothing else.”
Jungkook knew you liked chocolate the most, but he did not want to brag about the three taxis he had to take to eight different shops to get it for you. To be fair, he had not expected your favourite brand to be so hard to find, but he was determined. He would have found the factory and made the chocolate himself if he had to.
“It’s probably not the best choice for breakfast, though,” he said, pulling his phone out of the pocket of his sweatpants. “Even if it’s, uh, seven in the evening.”
You waved away his concerns, your mouth already full of sweets. Smiling, Jungkook sat down on the other side of the bed and pulled out a box of gummy bears that you had overlooked while trying to take in the abundance of snacks.
“So, uh, how did last night go?” he asked as he meticulously picked out the red bears and accidentally scattered the yellow and green ones on the bed.
“You know how it went,” you said. “You probably know more than I do, actually. The last thing I remember is Maggie swiping someone’s feather boa off their neck.”
“Oh, so that—” He stopped picking the gummy bears from the sheets. “Y-you had a feather in your earring when you got back. I was—honestly, I was a little worried that the three of you had robbed a zoo and tried to bring back a peacock or something.”
You snorted. “We might have tried. Did you check my bag for any stray lizards?”
“You didn’t have a bag when you got back.”
You stopped chewing and turned to him. “I—I didn’t have my bag with me?”
Jungkook paused, too. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind to analyse what items you had with you when you showed up on his doorstep last night.
“You had your key,” he said slowly. “And—well, that was it. Are you sure you had your bag with you when you left?”
You tried to piece your fragmented memories together, but your mind struggled to reconstruct the precise sequence of events. You remembered having an umbrella because it had been raining. You also remembered sitting in your bathroom for what felt like half a minute but must have been longer because Luna and Maggie looked a little distraught when they found you there.
You set the candy aside.
“I might have—yeah, I might have left it at the hotel,” you said, realising. “After I talked to my mum.”
Jungkook finished chewing his handful of gummy bears in silence. Each calculated bite seemed to propel him toward a precipice from which there was no return. He hadn’t expected the two of you to get to this point so quickly, even if he was glad you did.
“And how—how’d that go?” he asked.
“Well, it—I mean, we talked,” you said, settling against the headboard of his bed. “She, um—I-I don’t know what I expected her to say, to be honest. I asked her to tell me about her relationship with my dad, and she—well, she certainly did.”
Jungkook took a moment to study the expression on your face, searching for something that he could point out to keep you talking.
“But, uh, you wish she’d said something different?” he ventured when you offered no further explanation.
A measured breath preceded your response. You wanted to explain but finding words proved almost as difficult as confronting your mum about this yesterday.
“I guess I wish it would have made more sense to me,” you finally started. “I had some time to think, and—well, I disagree with almost every single reason my mum had for getting back together with him. But I’ve realised that there’s probably nothing that either of my parents could say that would change my mind. I’m disappointed and angry, and I think I’ve felt this way for a while. I’ve tried not to feel that because it just seemed childish and immature—but I am angry. And that’s fine.”
You lapsed into a silence that Jungkook did not want to disturb. He could tell this was a pause, not a complete stop, and he was too nervous to speak anyway. He was afraid of the parallel between your parents and the two of you—especially in light of everything that Sid was currently sending to his phone.
“I-I mean,” you resumed and Jungkook made an effort to focus on the sound of your voice and not his thoughts, “the way my mum looked at her relationship—honestly, I do think she has a lot of courage. But she, um—she also has—her attitude just seemed a bit reckless. I don’t know. I guess I might never understand why she thought that getting back together with him once wouldn’t already be enough, but that’s—that was her choice. She explained it to me in a way that made sense to her, and I’m grateful she did. But sh-she seems to have blocked out everything that happened after each of their break-ups. She said she was now at peace because she had always listened to her heart. And I’m happy for her, really. But, well, I’m not at peace. This back-and-forth... it brought our whole family nothing but misery, and that does not seem fair to me, or to my brother.”
Jungkook did not think he would ever hear you realise the things he had realised long ago. You had always been so determined to help your mum heal that you’d closed your eyes on your own pain. But it was there. Feelings did not go away just because you wished them to; he knew this well.
And he felt relieved, he realised. No matter what else happened tonight, at least you finally accepted that you had a right to feel wronged.
“Is that why you feel angry?” he asked.
“It... well, mostly, yes,” you said. “Because on top of everything else, this significantly affected how I view my own relationships. I wanted my parents to be happy together. But they just weren’t. And I ended up convincing myself that their unhappiness was universal and inevitable. That anyone who tried to get back together again was bound to fail again. I wanted them to defy these odds, and when they didn’t, I thought no one ever would.”
He toyed with the gummy bear package, and only looked at you for no longer than two seconds.
“But that’s not true,” he said, his voice quiet, tentative.
“It’s not,” you agreed. “I get it now. I may not understand my mum’s choices, but that’s because I didn’t live her life. And that’s exactly it. That’s what helped me come to terms with it all. I got it. My parents’ relationship is not a rule. If anything, it’s an exception.”
Something was glistening on the very edges of his pupils when your eyes met. It struck you that he had been waiting for you to come to this realisation.
“Just because it didn’t work out for them,” you said, looking down, “doesn’t mean it won’t work out for us. That’s, um—that is the main thing, I think.”
Jungkook swallowed. It seemed to him that there were many things to say in response, and he could not find one that he needed. He sort of felt as if he were navigating a field of landmines only visible to himself—but instead of avoiding them, he deliberately tried to step on one. He needed the explosion. He needed you to say something more. But he didn’t know how to get you to say it.
“It’s—that’s good,” he eventually said, because it was all he could manage.
You weighed your next words as your headache doubled and receded in anxious, intensifying waves.
“I’m—I just want you to know that this is still the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life,” you said. “Which makes me incredibly fortunate on the one hand, because, well, this is nothing. Right? But also it—well, I’m just scared. I don’t think that’s going to go away. I don’t think things will suddenly be better because we decide so. I think it’s going to be something we’ll have to work through.”
“That’s fine, though,” he said right away, and a tired weight heaved itself off your chest and rolled down, relieving an immense pressure inside you. Just like that. “I just want to try again with you. But better this time.”
Your teeth dug into the corner of your lip. You wanted that, too, but you didn’t think labelling it like this was right.
“Trying again,” you said, “implies that, um, we’ve stopped doing something, and now we’re doing it again.”
He gave you a puzzled look. “Right.”
“I—I’m not sure if we ever stopped.”
He took a shaky breath, uncertain if he ever released it or if it would remain trapped somewhere deep inside his throat.
“My mum… uh, she also told me about the songs,” you said and Jungkook looked up as though his conversations with your mum surprised him, too. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
This was precisely why, Jungkook thought, turning away. Because you could not look at him when you talked about the songs he wrote about you, and he couldn’t look at you, either.
Rubbing the side of his nose, he said, “your mum, uh—she warned me that you might get physically violent.”
There was a sheepish grin tugging at his lips; he was joking.
Still, you shook your head. “But I mean when we were—when we started talking again. Not just at the bar in Oslo. Or at the hotel in Manchester.”
He coughed, feeling the sparkles in his lungs as they caught fire. You remembered, then—not just the two songs, but where you were, and what you were doing when he told you about them.
“Did you want me to tell you about the rest of them?” he asked, finally looking up. “You looked about ready to leap out of the nearest window when I brought it up.”
“I—okay, you’re probably right,” you conceded. “But, uh, my mum mentioned a new song you’re working on.”
Jungkook expected that to happen, but his stomach still churned anxiously as he smoothed the bedding with his palm. “Hmm.”
“Can I hear it?” you asked.
He brought his hand to the back of his neck. “Are you sure you want to?”
“Yes.”
He looked at you again, searching for a stronger confirmation in your eyes—and finding it there. He slowly rose from the bed and pulled out his phone from his pocket.
“It’s—I think it’s the most personal song I’ve ever written,” he said, and you held your breath. “Your mum warned me about it, which she’s never done before. Usually, she just gives me permission to release the song and sometimes offers a compliment.”
“She didn’t like it this time?” you asked while he unlocked his phone.
“No, she said she liked it a lot,” he replied, placing his phone on the bed. The screen displayed various voice notes: some with gibberish titles, others numbered. The newest one was labelled, PUDDLE_FINAL11. “But she also said that this is a song I should run by you first.”
You crossed your legs on the bed and hesitated awkwardly for a second—unsure if you could really listen to the song and sit still. Then, you leaned back against the headboard and closed your eyes.
“Let me hear it.”
Jungkook watched you get comfortable and bit his lip. He knew this was what you did when you were nervous or excited—crossing your legs on the couch when the film you two were watching got to the most interesting part; crossing them on the chair in the library when you were studying for final exams, crossing them on the passenger seat in his car when you were on road trips, playing Guess The Song (he always won, which he took great pride in).
“This is, um, the song that I told you I was writing in Oslo,” he said. Your heart was racing just like it had back then. “It’s what the band and I are working on right now. Yoongi, uh—he’s the one who’s working through the tone and the instruments, and—well, that stuff. I’m just kind of there to sing and look pretty.”
You opened your eyes again to give him a look. “You wrote the lyrics.”
“I—yeah, okay. And I wrote the lyrics.” He took a deep breath. “This is—it’s still a demo, though, so—you know. Keep an open mind.”
You froze as soon as he pressed “play” on the voice note. This appeared to be the eleventh version of the song, as indicated by the number at the end of the title.
The recording began with soft, but quick guitar chords. The song was not slow-paced and seemed much more postcore than the band’s usual music. Even though his guitar was the only instrument accompanying his hesitant but clear voice, you could easily imagine an overlay of drums and bass.
How I run when my phone lights up with a text /
My friends all know, “is that your ex?” /
They said I bet you want her, bet you love her, bet you can’t forget /
I don’t remember why I lied, why I agreed, why I made the bet
You turned to look at Jungkook, your eyes filled with graphic surprise, but he was staring at his phone, his lower lip trapped between his teeth. He was tugging on it so forcefully that his lip ring strained against his skin.
The music shifted into a rhythmic bridge—Jungkook had stopped strumming and began to tap the body of the guitar instead, mimicking the beat of Hoseok’s drums.
This feels like a disease I suffer /
Might break just thinking of her /
Can’t breathe, cannot recover /
I love her, I fucking love her
“The chorus is next, and—” Jungkook cut in over the music, “—it’s very simple, but it’s not done yet. It should still sound better with Yoongi’s guitar, and all the rest.”
Immediately, he returned to his own guitar in the recording, the chords rapid and eager as he sang—his voice louder, more forced, emanating from deep within his diaphragm as the song reached the chorus:
I can’t look you in the eyes /
When all I say are these stupid lies /
The memories of when you were mine /
Are playing in my tired mind /
Scared to fail, so I’d rather get high /
Yeah, but I have to stand up and try
The song slowed for the exit of the chorus and Jungkook sang it to complete silence:
And this is nothing fucking new, /
I’ve always been in love with you
You sucked in a breath and closed your eyes again. If your heart hadn’t been pounding so intensely, you might have been able to envision what the musical break that followed after the chorus would sound like once it was accompanied by Taehyung’s bass.
Before you could try to calm yourself, however, Jungkook began the second verse on the recording:
How I miss you and this feeling is all that inspires /
How this pain shifts, grows, how it turns into fires /
It will burn when I write, when I think, when I sing /
Flames will turn to ashes, turn to words, turn to ink
Right as the chorus started again—his voice growing more passionate as he lost himself in the song—Jungkook cleared his throat and commented over the recording, “I wrote that part in Oslo. While—after I asked you to come meet me at the bar.”
You nodded—or thought you nodded; all movement felt surreal right now—and listened in silence.
“The refrain,” Jungkook spoke again as the second chorus ended and the music began to speed up, “is my favourite part. It’s kind of pop-punk, largely inspired by blink-182, but it’s also just… it’s a way to get it all out.”
As soon as he finished talking, you heard the refrain on the recording—his words were rushed, the music barely catching up.
Biffy Clyro at a wedding, but we dance on separate floors /
Hotel bathrooms and champagne, we’re hiding there with open doors /
Years ago before I saw you, I was lost without a cause /
You changed my life from the first time that our paths had crossed /
I knew about you way before, I didn’t think this through /
I walked up to you after class, because our meeting’s overdue /
Years later we’re in Paris, I looked around and knew – /
It was always you, it was always you, it was always you
You focused on the screen of his phone as the song played and you did not dare to move—not even when the final chorus finished, and he reached over to stop the recording.
He asked, “what did you think?” and you realised that your mind was as silent as this room once the song ended.
You felt lost in the echoing recesses of your mind. There were so many things in your head and at the same time, there weren’t any at all. Because everything—from the first time he introduced himself to you after class, to Chloé and Kihyun’s wedding in Paris, to the bet he’d made with Sid and Jude—had just been said.
“I… think you are insane,” you said, glancing at him. “And also incredibly talented to manage to put all of that into a—into one song.”
“Yeah?” A satisfied grin was playing on his lips and you couldn’t take your eyes off it. “Did you like it?”
You shook your head, because this was too feeble—like. Sitting on his bed in this room, you doubted if you had ever simply liked anything when it came to Jungkook. Every emotion you felt for him had always been so much more intense and infinitely deeper.
“It’s—fuck, it’s a great song,” you said, tapping your palm against the bed. Jungkook recognised the beat and felt his heart soar. The whole room seemed to brighten, not at all threatened by the darkness outside the window. “It sounded good. The rhythm—it’s really good. I can see it becoming a crowd favourite.”
“Thanks,” he said but did not relent. In all the crowds in the world, he was going to search for you. “But what did you think?”
Watching him watch you, you said awkwardly, “I liked your voice.”
He laughed, finding the real compliment in your flustered expression and your struggle to answer his question directly.
“Alright,” he said. “I’ll take it.”
“Was this the song you played for Yoongi and Namjoon that time?” you asked, so you could avoid giving feedback about the way he captured your whole life in his lyrics, and now your heartbeat matched the rhythm of the song. “W-when Yoongi came to talk to me, worried about you?”
Jungkook still nursed a bitterness about Yoongi’s initial reaction to the song and pursed his lips.
“Yeah, um—at the time, I only had the second verse,” he said. “That’s probably why he was concerned.”
“Well,” you dropped a pillow onto your lap, “it doesn’t sound like a heartbreak anthem.”
He snorted. “I hope not.”
You did not say anything else for a while.
You were not in control of anything that was happening inside of you right now, so this was the best you could offer. A big part of your brain was preoccupied with keeping you seated on your side of the bed instead of reaching—lunging­—for him, and an even bigger part was still processing the song he had just played. This left you with very little strength to be eloquent.
You liked the song. You liked his voice. You were worried the fire inside your chest would do irreparable damage to your heart. You wondered what went on in your mum’s head when she heard it.
“I can’t believe you sent that to my mum, though,” you voiced your latest thought. “The whole thing?”
“Yeah,” he said with a shrug because getting feedback from your mum had become a regular practice. He had continued to reach out to her even after you started to manage Rated Riot.
“With the curses and everything?” you asked, your nose scrunched.
He laughed again. You looked so beautiful like this, analysing his lyrics in your head. He didn’t know what to do with himself.
“She knows I curse,” he said. “She’s read most of my lyrics. Also, I am twenty-six.”
“Still,” you muttered. “There’s so much—you, um—you mention the bet in the song.”
His expression grew serious.
“Yeah. One of the first times I texted your mum, I…” he paused here, tracing his fingers lightly over his eyelids. “Well, actually, I was drunk, so I mostly remember this from the screenshots I took. I asked her if I could write a song that would bring you back to me. I was really—well, drunk and, you know. Sentimental. And she said—and I actually remember this part, because, somehow, no one else thought to say this to me—she said that I could, but I had to be honest in my lyrics.”
He fell silent, but it didn’t feel like an invitation for you to respond.
Looking up at you after a minute, Jungkook continued, “every song I wrote about you was honest. I meant every single word in every single verse. And I was hoping one of them would bring you back.”
It began as a faint buzzing in your chest and escalated into a gentle whisper, then erupted into a loud scream, filled with all the longing that’s been there all this time—mostly dormant, but restless. This longing wasn’t buried under mundane, daily tasks, it just existed right there in your chest, pushing sharply into your heart every time you thought you forgot, thought you moved on.
Every time you looked at him, every time you remembered him, every time you fell asleep, the longing was there, and it was growing, always growing—even more rapidly now that you and Jungkook began to spend more time together. By now, it had grown far larger than your chest could hold. And it was screaming.
“I’m—I don’t—I’m not sure I was ever really gone,” you confessed. “I think I... I actually called my mum with a decision already made. And I just needed her to say it was going to be okay. Because, you know. She’s my mum.”
There it was—the explosion he’d been waiting for. He could see the clouds in the distance but he hadn’t felt the impact yet.
“W-what’s your decision?” he asked.
“I want to try,” you said. “If you—if you’d—”
“I swear to God,” he interjected, his voice gaining volume as his heart rate gained speed. “If you're going to ask me if I want to be with you, I’m not sure I’ll make it.”
A smile flickered across your features, but you clutched the bedsheets underneath you tighter to control your expression.
“Let’s give this a chance,” Jungkook said, echoing everything that your heart demanded from you. “I know you’re scared of what this could mean for your job, and—”
“No,” you cut him off. “That—what happens with my job, happens. That feels—it feels like something we can figure out. But I want to try, and that’s what’s scary. Because this isn’t something we can solve, we either work out or we don’t. And I’m scared I won’t always be able to overcome my fear that we might not work. I’m scared I’ll still try to run away from everything.”
“I’ll find you,” he said, and your heart threatened to stop. “I’ll always find you.”
“You shouldn’t have to, though,” you protested weakly. “That’s not fair.”
“My love,” he said, sliding closer to you on the bed. You felt very light-headed. “Anything’s fair to me when it comes to you. Stay and let me make you happy.”
It was remarkable how his hotel bed managed to fit both of you and all that you’d carried inside you for all these years.
You shook your head.
“I’m happy,” you said. “This is right where I’ve always wanted to be. I’m not going anywhere.”
Jungkook looked at you, and he felt like he was nineteen again, watching you from across the campus quad. Thoughts of how to approach you—how to talk to you; how to look at you—were running rampant in his overstimulated mind. He had just left Sociology class where he’d doodled and daydreamed about you the whole time and now that he had a chance to talk to you, his legs had turned to stone.
He knew you liked Hayao Miyazaki, and he thought, alright, he would lead with that. And then in a frantic attempt to explain his determined stride towards you with a murderous expression on his face, he had ended up introducing himself as Neighbour Totoro.
Your smile in response should have been plastered on billboards; and was, on billboards, actually—all over the canyons of his mind. All he could do after that was just stammer about seeing you around campus, noticing that you shared a few classes together, finding it really cute when you dozed off during your professor’s philosophical rants, and wishing very much that the earth would open up and swallow him whole because what the fuck was he saying to you right now—and you’d smiled again. And the stones in his legs had melted.
You gave him your phone number and invited him to a party that someone on your floor was throwing that Friday. And you’d said, “I think it’d be really cool if you came,” but all that he could hear had been the violent pounding in his chest.
His heart pounded just as intensely now.
“Yeah?” he asked you, breathless and half-drunk as the rest of his hotel room drowned in your eyes.
He thought he could feel the earth move. He thought he could will it to stop, to pause for just a split second until you replied and he could—
“Yeah.”
He had arrived at that party back then, and you had found him right away. You’d spent the whole night talking until he finally mustered up the courage to ask you to hang out alone sometime. Maybe watch a film and have dinner? And you’d said yes.
You’d said yes seven years ago, and now you were here – saying yes, again.
Jungkook reached for you so quickly that you barely noticed the smile on his face, let alone the one on yours. His hands were soft on your cheek as he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours in a clumsy kiss—but your mouths needed less than a second to find a familiar rhythm.
His tongue met yours, and he tasted like the memory of every time you’d kissed him before and a promise of every time you’d kiss him in the future. He tasted like everything you’ve ever wanted and everything you thought you’d lost.
“Did you know,” he whispered, his words punctuated by heavy breaths and your lips smacking against each other, “that I dreamt about you—on the night before you showed up at the company—as our manager—?”
You pulled back slightly to be able to look at him, your lips parted in a surprised smile. “No. What did you dream about?”
“This, actually,” he said, kissing you once more and frowning when you pulled back again, waiting for him to explain. “Except neither one of us pulled away.” He paused here, looking at you very meaningfully. You pressed another kiss to his lips and he grinned, continuing finally, “I hadn’t dreamt of you in months, and I woke up from a text message in the middle of kissing you in that dream. I was obviously pissed. I looked at the text, and it was from Yoongi. He was saying, ‘we’re meeting our manager today, don’t be late’ or something like that. And I remembered debating just going back to sleep. But I forced myself out of bed, thinking that this manager better be worth it.”
Your smile was absurd. “Was she?”
He nodded, tracing his fingers down your neck to your collarbones, and bringing goosebumps to the surface of your skin.
“She was,” he said.
“You didn’t say one word to me throughout that whole meeting, though,” you pointed out.
Jungkook shrugged.
“I hadn’t seen you in two years,” he said. “I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I would tell you how long I’d been waiting for you.”
You did not feel yourself respond with a defeated, breathless, “oh,” but Jungkook smiled when he heard it.
“Yeah,” he said, leaning in. “Hardly professional.”
“Mmhm—” your hum drowned in his kiss. “Hardly.”
There was something artificially sweet on his tongue when you kissed him back—likely from the gummy bears—and it made your hands instinctively reach for his shirt, pulling him closer. He wondered if you noticed the way his heart rate quickened at that; he found your need for him exhilarating.
You kissed him harder and remembered all your stolen kisses throughout this tour. This did not feel anything like it.
This kiss was not hurried—not until the five minutes you’ve allotted yourselves were up. It wasn’t secret—not until you had to leave your hotel room in Amsterdam. It wasn’t pretend—not until you had to admit to yourselves that you weren’t and could not be friends. And it wasn’t a dream, either—not until one of you had to wake up and realise that this had just been your subconsciousness, refusing to let go. To move on.
The kiss was slow. It was not rushed, and not hidden. It was true, and it was real.
Your heart finally returned home.
Then, Jungkook slowly pulled away, his pupils dilated and filled with something distracting that lingered on his mind.
“You didn’t say anything to me, either,” he said slowly. “When we started to work together, I mean.”
“I know,” you replied, letting go of him. It did not feel fair to touch him when he said that, but Jungkook felt lost for a moment after you pulled back your hands. “I wasn’t sure if I should.”
“Hmm.” He needed to find the string attached to the words he’d kept inside, and he needed to pull them out, but he could only do that by looking away. “I, uh—I get that now, but back then, I felt very, um—well, left-out, I guess. For lack of a better word. You talked to everyone else but me.”
You were struck by the immediacy and the clarity of these memories: how you’d made a deliberate effort not to talk to him unless it was necessary, because that was the only way you could stay professional. In hindsight, that should have probably been a hint. If you had to go to such lengths to avoid someone in order to remain professional, it likely meant you weren’t truly professional, just pretending to be.
“I know,” you said. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s—well, I could have said something, too,” Jungkook said. “But after a while, it seemed to me like we’d silently agreed to just ignore our relationship, so it didn’t feel right to bring it up again. I didn’t want to make things awkward.”
Your smile broke through the sombre atmosphere in the room. You couldn’t listen to this without pointing out his reactions to you in those first few days. Jungkook had been very loud about doubting your authority.
“You used to complain about me all the time in the beginning,” you reminded him. “You said you wouldn’t take orders from a kid.”
He grinned, remembering, too.
“Well, I had to say that,” he defended, a glint of mischief in his eye. Age had been his favourite argument against working with you. “How else could I hide that I still had feelings for you?
You looked away—he expected this, and his smile grew wider. You thought you had him there. But he knew that in all the years you’ve known each other, you could not find a moment where he didn’t love you. He couldn’t find one himself.
“Maggie told me you were the one who told her we had dated,” you said then.
Jungkook did not immediately remember. “I did?”
“Yeah,” you confirmed. “We were all drinking together, and you—”
“Oh, yeah,” he cut in, nodding. He recalled Maggie responding to him as though he’d told her he was an escaped convict. “In the parking lot. I don’t think she believed me at first, actually. I was very good at acting unbothered.”
You arched an eyebrow. “She said she came to check on you because Hoseok noticed that you seemed bothered.”
Jungkook clicked his tongue. “Well, Hoseok notices these things. It doesn’t count.”
You grinned, shaking your head.
Jungkook, meanwhile, remembered something else now that you’d mentioned Maggie. It was something he’d held close to his heart for years, and he was hesitant to bring it up now. He knew it was probably not real, but he held onto the ignorant hope that it might be.
“Did you… tell anyone on the staff?” he asked.
“Hm? About us?” you clarified.
He nodded.
“Just the band,” you said.
“Oh.” He held his breath as he considered how to explain this, and how to brace himself for your response. “Because, um—well, apparently, Maggie spoke to Jin after I talked to her. And then Jin talked to Jimin. And Jimin told me that he thought I just had a crush on you.”
“A year ago?” you clarified, a little uneasy about the timeline.
The girls had tried to reassure you last night that you and Jungkook were really not that obvious—but perhaps the truth was that you had wasted all these years just like you feared.
You put unnecessary strain on your heart because you’d convinced yourself that this was how things were meant to be. You’d convinced yourself that Jungkook really did not love you anymore. And when you realised that maybe he still did, you’d convinced yourself that second chances did not work, and it was better to suffer through the initial break-up for years rather than attempt to try again.
“Yeah.” Jungkook swallowed, getting to his point. “And, um—a while after that, Namjoon said he thought you might have a crush on me.”
You blinked, feeling your heart leap into a thrilled dance, each beat a self-assured I told you so.
“Namjoon said that?” you asked weakly.
“Yeah,” he said, keeping his eyes on you. “We were both drunk, trying to work on a song, and not doing so well. I was upset about something that day, so I thought he was just saying that to comfort me. Cheer me up. He said he noticed you staring at me during our meeting earlier that day. He said he thought it was meaningful. Said you didn’t seem to just be dozing off.”
I told you so—
I told you so—
I told you—
You remembered that meeting.
You remembered looking away from Jungkook and meeting Namjoon’s raised eyebrows. You hadn’t realised you’d been staring. But he had.
Right now, in the hotel room, you did not say anything, but Jungkook felt the bubble of hope swell in his chest, straining as it threatened to explode.
It was true, then.
You had been watching him during that meeting. So much so that it led Namjoon—a very smart, but arguably the most oblivious man in the country—to notice that something was going on.
You cleared your throat. “Did he—uh, did he know about—”
“He knew I was writing about you,” Jungkook replied. “The second he yelled at me and told me to stop writing about abstract feelings and start writing from my own chest, I pulled out three different songs for him. He always knew.”
“Hmm.”
A moment of silence followed, allowing the two of you to simmer in the sounds coming from your chests.
You thought you were trying very hard to ignore him and focus on your job, and you did, really. Especially when you first started to work together. But gradually, the less you talked about your relationship to each other, the more your suppressed feelings made themselves known: it was the way you always happened to stand next to each other at the label events. It was the way Jungkook was the only one who remembered where your office was in the labyrinth of corridors at the company building. It was the way you looked at him when you talked to him. It was the way he teased you at every chance he got.
“So, the roadies thought you were dating Namjoon,” Jungkook concluded, “while Jimin thought I liked you, and Namjoon thought you liked me.”
“Yeah. Apparently, we’re all twelve,” you said. “I love how that’s ongoing, too. We’re still a very hot topic.”
Jungkook chuckled, seemingly as entertained about this as Seokjin had been when he mentioned the bets the staff had going about the two of you.
“I know,” he said, trying to restrain his reaction for your sake. “But it—it’s just us. You know? We’re the only ones who really know about us. You and me. And about fifty people on this tour with us, but that’s—well, who cares?”
“Yeah,” you said with a shrug of your shoulders. “Not a big deal.”
He heard the sarcasm in your tone, but he still grinned. “Yeah.”
You looked down and brought your hands over your sweatpants, and his smile faded. He seemed to react to your next words before you even said them.
“I’ll have to, um—I’ll have to talk to the label about us,” you said. “I’ll have to tell them.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Another silence stole away any remaining words. Jungkook wondered if the two of you were really as powerful as he’d imagined. He wondered if you had the authority to decide what you’d do.
“What do you think they’ll say?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” you replied. There was a calmness in your voice that he wasn’t expecting. “We’ll see.”
“Should I—should I talk to them with you?” he suggested—and realised right away that this would not work.
“Probably not,” you replied gently. “It’ll feel a little like we’re talking to our parents. And not, you know, our employers.”
“Right.”
You glanced at him and realised that he appeared more worried than you felt. You thought that perhaps this was how it was between you two: one of you panicked while the other stayed level-headed to provide reassurance.
“It’ll be fine,” you said. “We got so far, right?”
“Yeah,” he said, chewing on his bottom lip. “But, I mean, what if they say this can’t happen?”
“Well, then we break up, of course.”
He gave you a long, questioning look. “I’m serious.”
“I am, too,” you replied, not serious at all.
He rolled his eyes. “Oh, now you want to joke about it. Okay.”
You laughed, and immediately made him smile, too. Leaning into him—almost reflexively—you placed a hand on his chest and gently pulled him down onto the bed until the two of you were lying face-to-face. Finally, he laughed, too.
The truth was, you felt nervous as well. But some innate balance required you to look on the bright side when he couldn’t. Surely, if you overcame yourselves, you could overcome external hurdles, too.
“I’m not joking,” you said. “It’ll be fine. We, um—we know our issues now. I think we can figure out what we should do no matter what happens. We’ve grown.”
Jungkook looked at you for a minute, then finally exhaled and reached out to touch your cheek.
“Alright,” he said, the tips of his fingers careful as they traced over the side of your jaw. “We have. We used to never talk to each other.”
“Yeah, that had always been the core problem with us,” you agreed, leaning into his touch and singlehandedly stopping his heart for a dangerous minute.
The two of you found it very easy to point out your flaws now—like teachers marking all the issues in a student’s essay: lack of communication, toxic friendships, parental trauma.
“None of that now?” Jungkook asked.
“None of that now,” you agreed, closing your eyes.
You felt him scoot closer to you on the bed as his palm replaced the tips of his fingers on your cheek.
“I’m not going to shut up about how much I love you, though,” he whispered.
You looked at him again, and your smile stretched from one corner of his hotel room to the other.
“I’ll take that over silence,” you said.
He responded with a shuddered breath and moved closer. His lips found yours blindly, but effortlessly. His kiss was soft, slow, and lingering because now you had all the time in the world and he was determined to savour every moment.
Pulling back slightly, he brought his nose to yours, and the air you exhaled as you chuckled softly made him close his eyes again. He kissed your cheek and the corner of your lips and the edge of your jaw, and somewhere along the way, he realised that he had wanted to say something else but now he forgot all about it. He kissed your lips once more instead. Then twice more—until you were smiling too much for the kiss to feel like anything other than a gentle peck.
He settled back on the bed next to you. He was so close that you could barely look at him without your eyes going out of focus. And he was beautiful like this—his hair falling in loose, messy curls around his face, his eyes alive with an energy so powerful that you could not look away from him once your gazes met. His lips were parted as he breathed steadily, running his tongue over his lower lip.
You watched each other just like you had earlier in the corridor, with the tips of your fingers locked onto each other’s skin as though transferring electricity from one heart to the other, and back again.
“I’m sorry I did not want to talk about our relationship,” you finally admitted, your voice a timid whisper. “I thought the safe choice would be to speak to you one-on-one as little as possible. And after a few months, it became easier to be in the same room with you without my hands shaking, and my heart—well, anyway. I didn’t want to ruin what little stability we had with each other. Even though for a long time—maybe even the whole time, I don’t know anymore—we were there, in the back of my mind.”
He exhaled. “We could have talked about us before.”
“We should have talked about us before,” you corrected.
“Right.” He rolled onto his back. “Instead, I drank three bars into bankruptcy in those first few months after you started working with us.”
He remembered Sid’s messages as soon as he said this, and for a brief, irrational moment, he waited for you to stand up and leave the room. Instead, he was startled when he saw you smile out of the corner of his eye.
“I know,” you said softly. “I was asked to pay off your debt at one of them.”
He turned to face you, his eyes wide. “No—w-were you really?”
“Yeah,” you said. “Sid called and gave me an ultimatum: either I came to pay for your bill or the bar owner was going to call the police on you.”
Jungkook had to really concentrate to remember anything, and he quickly felt embarrassed that he even tried. He could not remember his own name, that was how drunk he would get in those days. He couldn’t bring them back to his memory now, no matter how much he tried.
“Where was Sid, then?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” you replied. “Probably tripping on something in a random hotel. He never called me if he was still with you.”
Jungkook swallowed, his thoughts racing.
“Well, I mean—shit,” he said. “How much do I owe you?”
“You don’t,” you replied. “I came to the bar and told the owner your name was Isidore Mercer-Hastings, and that they should contact the police to settle the bill for whatever you drank that night.”
Jungkook raised his eyebrows. He thought he lacked Sid’s perpetual sneer to pass as someone from a conglomerate family.
“They believed it?” he asked.
“Well, they didn’t know who you were,” you said. “And it was resolved very quietly after that. I doubt the bar owner even managed to write a report after he mentioned the name at the station.”
“Someone in Sid’s family must have handled it,” Jungkook speculated. You thought so as well. “Sid never said anything.”
“I don’t think he expected me to fight back, actually,” you said. “In any case, I paid the price. After that, he started leaving you in all kinds of shitholes for me to find a lot more frequently.”
Jungkook realised that a ball had formed in his throat.
“I-I didn’t even notice it,” he admitted. “He—he had me by the throat, and I thought he just wanted to hang out with me.”
You didn’t want the topic to shift to Sid, but it felt inevitable. He was the additional burden on your relationship, he always had been.
“And he’s in London now,” you said, sighing.
Jungkook exhaled, too. “Yeah.”
“What are we going to do?”
He looked at you for only a moment, but his eyes were filled with an unexpected alarm.
“I’m—well, nothing?” he said. “I don’t know.”
“But—I mean, he has to be here for you, right?” you questioned.
Jungkook’s phone weighed heavily in his pocket.
“He probably is,” he said.
“So, he stalked you all the way to London,” you noted. “I think we should start considering the possibility of you getting a restraining order against him, or—”
Jungkook whipped his head to face you. “Isn’t that—uh, a bit dramatic?”
Frowning, you propped yourself up on your elbows and turned to him. “He is stalking you, Jungkook.”
He looked away and brought his finger over the bedsheets. If Sid had sent him only that one video, perhaps Jungkook could have handled it quietly. But Sid had kept them coming.
And Jungkook had already tried it before: this method of not telling you and hoping to find a way out of a predicament that he’d allowed Sid to put him in. It hadn’t been successful. He had no intention of trying it again.
“To be honest,” he said, sitting up, “that is not the only thing he is doing.”
Your stomach clenched with something it had come to know very well over the past few days – pure dread.
“What do you mean?” you asked.
“He, um—he’s sending me things.”
“Oh, God.” You turned away from him, groaning. “Don’t tell me he’s sending you the body parts of people he’s stalked before.”
“N-no, that—no,” Jungkook said and then paused to snicker at the thought. “He’s just—he’s sending me videos.”
You did not feel relieved. The way he said it made it sound like it was not just videos. It sounded like it might as well have been severed limbs.
“What videos?” you asked reluctantly.
He hesitated before answering, hoping—almost irrationally—that he would find a way to summarise the videos for you in a way that would diminish their significance. But he was worried he’d make it worse instead. He didn’t want to casually mention them or act like it was not a big deal, only to hear your negative response. You’d think he was still incapable of realising what he was doing, you’d think he hadn’t changed—and he had. He was sure he had. But his hands were shaking as he tugged on the bedsheets and refused to look at you.
“Of—of me,” he finally admitted. “Of us hanging out together before this tour.”
“Oh.”
He did not like the thickness of the silence around you. He didn’t want this to turn into yet another problem. And it wasn’t—it was a continuous problem that he’d willingly brought on this tour.
Jungkook couldn’t stop blaming himself for everything he did with Sid, and now he was convinced that his guilt wouldn’t even make a difference. He’d tell you about this, and the videos would be too much, and he would not be enough.
You’d warned him you were afraid; he didn’t want to add more doubts to what already seemed like a hesitant decision. Of course, he believed in your relationship too much to think that you were willing to try again just for his benefit. He believed you wanted this, too. But he was also rational enough to understand that you couldn’t just wish for your relationship to work out this time, and it simply would. You had to work on that. And he was sure that these videos would hinder the progress you’ve already made.
He decided he didn’t want to talk to you about this as though he needed your help solving this issue. He wanted to tell you about it with a solution already in his mind.
“T-they’re not good,” he added. “But I—”
“Why is he sending them to you?” you interrupted.
He paused, rearranging his thoughts. He wondered if you were intentionally avoiding asking him to show you the videos, or if you did not want to see them. He was not sure which option he preferred.
“He’s, um, threatening to show them to you,” he said.
“Unless you do what?”
“Unless—” He paused again. “I—I don’t know, actually. I don’t think he wants me to do anything. He’s just taunting me. I tried to block the number, but I assume he has multiple disposable SIM cards or something because I keep—well, different unknown numbers keep sending me videos from the same… situations.”
You looked away, absentmindedly patting the pillows on the bed.
You were certain that Sid had a goal in mind, he just hadn’t told Jungkook about it yet.
“Well, what’s in those videos?” you asked.
Jungkook shut his eyes. He was sure of it now—he would have preferred it if you hadn’t asked about the contents of the videos, after all.
“We’re—we’re drunk in all of them,” he said, his tongue catching on the dryness of his mouth. “Just doing dumb shit. Shit that I thought I left in the past. I know I left it in the past, I’m just—but with Sid pulling it all out now, it feels like—it feels like I’m still there.”
You frowned, puzzled.
“But you’re not still there,” you pointed out.
“I’m not,” Jungkook said, but his voice sounded distant. “But it—you were always the one who made sure that Sid and I didn’t damage the band’s reputation, or—well, anything else. I’m sorry about that, by the way. I-I don’t want you to think that all that you’ve done was in vain, and I don’t want you to think I’m still the same—I know I’m not—but it feels like—”
“Jungkook,” you said, cutting him off by placing your hand on his shoulder.
His distress reminded you of the night he told you that Sid was in Manchester with you. He was breathing heavily, barely able to choose his words. He thought, clearly, that you were going to blame him for this. He thought he’d let you down.
“Show me,” you asked.
And he showed you—because he knew he had to. He took a deep breath, sat down next to you, and played the videos for you, starting from the very first one.
But like he had yesterday, he cut the video off just as his hands reached out for his dance partner and he wrapped one of his legs around their ankles.
“Wait,” you raised your eyes to Jungkook’s restless gaze, “what happens next?”
“I, um—” he paused, attempted to inhale, and forgot all his words.
He thought he showed you enough. He thought showing you the rest of the video was going to be bad. He hadn’t considered how bad it would be if he had to recap it himself.
“I flip this person on their back,” he said, forcing himself to continue. He was going to tell you everything, even if he had to rip his heart out to do it. “We, uh—we make out. Or try to. It’s, uh—it’s definitely too much. But we’re drunk. Then a security guard comes to tell us we can’t do that here. I then declare that we’re getting married, so he can, respectfully, get fucked. And all of us get escorted out of the club.”
“Ah,” you said. “You must have been really wasted.”
Your voice sounded disconnected somehow—like you hadn’t fully grasped that he was the person in the video.
Or, he thought in a brief moment of lightness, maybe you had grasped it, but it made no difference because it’s been so long.
But Jungkook couldn’t hold onto this hopeful thought for too long. He felt he deserved stronger adjectives.
“Is this it?” you asked after a moment. His phone screen had gone dark after he hadn’t pressed on anything else. “Is that all he—”
“No,” he said. “That’s, um—that’s only the first one he sent.”
Then he played you the three newest videos—the ones he’d just received earlier today after he turned his phone back on.
All the videos were from days that he could scarcely remember. Sid had filmed him dancing, arguing, screaming, engaging in other activities that would earn a community label if the video got publicised, and drinking. Alcohol was featured heavily in all the videos.
You maintained a neutral expression through the first few clips but finally frowned when you watched the third one. In it, Jungkook was having a heated argument with someone outside what appeared to be a nightclub—the only indication was a bright neon sign behind the two figures on the screen.
Jungkook was visibly agitated in the video, hurling all curses known to mankind—and some only known to animalkind—at a red-faced man whom you did not recognise. The man remained silent, swaying slightly on his feet, frowning more and more with each passing second.
You attempted to remember this moment, trying to place the street where the video was taken—you thought Sid had asked you to pick up Jungkook from somewhere around here. But as you watched it, you could not remember Jungkook harassing a seemingly random person. And then you realised that this likely wasn’t a random person, and Jungkook wasn’t the one harassing him.
Turning your head to look at him, you were surprised to see the resolute defeat on Jungkook’s face. He appeared to be waiting to be sentenced.
“He cut the video,” you said, looking back at his phone, “to make you look intentionally aggressive. This guy—he approached you at the bar, didn’t he?”
Jungkook only hummed. It took him another minute to relax his muscles so he could speak—by that time, the video had already ended, and he snickered bitterly.
“Yeah. He used a few pretty slurs, so I told him we should take it outside,” he said. “Right after the video ended, he actually threw a vodka bottle at my head. It didn’t hit me, but we got into a—a fight, and I cut myself on a shard. No stitches, but, um, it bled like a bitch.”
“Fuck, that’s—I-I remember you bleeding,” you said, looking away. You’d wrapped your scarf on his hand when you found him behind that club, on the street from the video, sometime later. He’d refused a hospital and you had not slept the whole night after you dropped him off at his house. “What was Sid doing while that was happening?”
“Well, he watched,” Jungkook said, locking his phone. “He watched and filmed, and now he’s trying to make it seem like I picked that fight.”
You quieted. The videos had made it very clear that Sid was crafting a narrative about Jungkook—to make him look like an ungrateful, aggressive, alcoholic womaniser. Clearly, he was creating Jungkook’s fictional image after himself, and you would have pointed out the irony if you weren’t so annoyed.
“I know it’s my fault,” Jungkook added. “I shouldn’t have allowed him to get under my skin like that, but—”
“How long ago was this?” you interjected.
“I—it—a while,” he said, worried that this was the wrong answer. “I can’t remember.”
“Were you in Rated Riot?” you asked, hoping to determine a more specific timeline, because understanding when the videos were taken might help you figure out what Sid wanted. But you also just wanted to keep asking Jungkook for technical details to keep him out of his own head.
“I think so,” Jungkook said. “Because—I’m trying to figure out why Sid chose to send me these specific videos since I’m sure he has a lot of other great ones, you know what I mean? So, why these?”
“Why?”
“I think it’s because he called you to come pick me up at the end of these nights,” he said with an unsettling hollowness behind his eyes. “And you—well, I don’t remember, but according to what Sid told me later, you never asked what we were doing. You just pulled me out of these situations… and brought me home. A-and now he wants to show you that—he wants you to know what we were doing. What I was doing.”
“Okay,” you said. “But it—it’s been ages.”
He seemed taken aback by the ease in your voice, and his surprise was crushing. You realised he was expecting you not to talk to him again now that you’ve seen the videos.
To Jungkook, that would have made sense.
For years, his self-worth depended on how he was perceived and whether he lived up to expectations. And he balanced between wanting to live up to very different expectations from very different people: Sid, on the one hand. You and his grandmother, on the other.
That was why he didn’t tell his grandmother that he was friends with Sid. It was why he didn’t tell you about all his failed attempts at making your relationship special. It was why he refused to admit to Sid that he still loved you.
And, ultimately, it was why he did not want to reminisce about the nights in Sid’s videos. Nights when he knew he was making mistakes, but he needed to escape from his thoughts too much to care.
Jungkook realised all that. He understood. But there was nothing he could do with the voices, screaming at him in his head. They were telling him that his friends had all turned to reasons why you broke up that first time. He turned them into those reasons. And now those reasons were right here, on his phone.
“I know. But I just—it feels like this is something I can’t run away from,” he said. “It feels like Sid is telling me that this is who I really am. That I’ll always fuck up in the end, and that I’ll die trying—and failing—to be someone better.”
You were shaking your head, and Jungkook shook his, too, to counter your refusal to agree with him.
“No, look, I think that Sid means to use this to, well, to humiliate us,” he insisted. “Or—or just you. Like, ‘see what he was doing? And you still took care of him.’ So you would—you would realise what I’m—what kind of person—and you would change your mind about me—and about—about this. And then...”
He could not find the end of his sentence, but you knew what this was. Jungkook excelled in most things, but he had a throbbing Achilles’ heel – it was his fear of disappointing the people who mattered most to him.
The first time you learned this about him was at his twenty-first birthday party. Minjun, already very drunk, had decided to make a toast and told everyone a story about when he and Jungkook were fourteen. Among all of Jungkook’s friends, Minjun was the only one who’d actually been to his house, and on that day, they were riding bicycles around Jungkook’s front yard with Jungkook and his cousins. Jungkook wanted to perform a trick and he wanted Minjun to record it to brag to Sid later. But as soon as he lifted the front wheel off the ground, he ended up in his grandmother’s azaleas.
The story at the birthday party ended there, with everyone politely laughing and clapping, but Jungkook gave you the rest of it later.
Apparently, his grandmother had warned him about the flowers in advance; she told him not to bike there. And he had. He’d done what she told him not to do. Really, it was because he wanted to outdo Sid, so this could have been another thing that Sid had ruined—but Jungkook couldn’t even get to that part. He was already defeated by the sheer force of his guilt for letting his grandmother down. He was devastated.
He said she hadn’t even yelled at him after she saw how grief-stricken he was. But he still replanted the whole garden and watered the shrubs every day.
And as you listened to Minjun’s story at that birthday party, you realised that even then, almost a decade later, Jungkook flinched every time his friend mentioned azaleas. And he would keep flinching, as you would see in years to come, whenever his grandmother would bring up her garden.
Jungkook never forgot his mistakes, and they all weighed heavily on him. He could only escape them when he was surrounded by people, their voices drowning out his own.
He thought no one knew—he took a paradoxical solace in the belief that only he and the voices in his head knew about what went on inside him—but you’ve seen it over the years.
“No—but these things don’t make you a terrible person,” you said. It didn’t feel like enough, but the thoughts in your head were fast and frail—you could not find one to settle on.
Still, Jungkook looked stunned.
“I—they don’t?” he asked—with a genuine confusion that broke your heart.
“Jungkook,” you said, the edges of your voice desperate.
“No, I—I know,” he said, averting his gaze. “I know. But—really, this is my fault. I did that. I went out with him. It’s—”
“Your fault was staying with Sid for so long,” you interrupted. “That’s your only fault. But realising what was wrong with these people that you surrounded yourself with—that—that’s not wrong. That’s good. You’ve come a long way from the days in those videos.”
He heard you. But a sudden memory still resurfaced in his head: Taehyung had talked to him in the hotel corridor in Amsterdam. He had accused him of fooling around with you and reminded him that your relationship affected the whole band. Jungkook had told him he was serious. He wasn’t fooling around.
He’d meant it—but the bet had been ongoing. However much he wished it not to be, it was fucking ongoing.
And now Jungkook was all the more aware of the thin line between your decision to try this again with him, and the absolute recklessness of this choice. Had he come a long way? Was he different? Or was he really just running away from who he really was?
It would affect the whole band, Taehyung had said.
If he wasn’t good enough for you, he would ruin everything.
“But look how long it took me,” he said with a frustrated sigh. “I can’t—I can’t erase all the shit I did just because I suddenly decided to be a different person.”
“You can’t erase it,” you said, the conviction in your voice rivalling his anxiety, “but you can learn and move on from it.”
He shook his head again. “How can I do that when Sid won’t let me move on?”
“You can do it by accepting these videos as lessons,” you said. “But leaving everything in them in the past. You can do it by not letting Sid get to you anymore. I mean, you’re already doing it. You showed me the videos, which was what Sid threatened you with. You took away everything he was holding against you. You’re doing okay, Jungkook.”
He looked down and swallowed.
He wanted to believe he was okay so much. But there were so many weights on his chest and he could not shake them off. He could not escape them. He could not even pretend they were not there.
This was the reason, he knew, why he dreaded being alone and inevitably recalling every single time in his life when he could have been better, but wasn’t. When he could have been more, but chose not to. When he could have chosen you, but didn’t.
He longed for you in a way that he hadn’t longed for anything in his life before—so much that it hurt to think and his whole body felt grey and tense—but he’d already let you down. He’d let himself down.
“I hurt you,” he said after a minute, covering his face with his hands. “And, fuck, I don’t—I’m not saying this to guilt-trip you into forgiving and forgetting everything. I’m just fucking—I’m so fucked up. I love you more than anything in my life, but I-I can’t spend a single minute by myself without thinking about how fucking fucked up I am. And I’ve done so much stupid fucking shit. I don’t want it to hurt you any more than it already fucking has. And I know you’re the last person who should be comforting me about this. I’m just—I can’t get over those—”
You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and pressed your chest against his, forcing him to still in your embrace and finally stop speaking.
After a breathless minute, he finally inhaled and you felt him lower his hands from his face and tentatively slide them around your waist, his grip tightening as he buried his face in the crook of your neck.
“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered. It was still his fear talking, you could feel it pressing against your chest as you pulled him closer until you couldn’t breathe, either. “I don’t think I can ever be enough for—”
“You’re you, Jungkook,” you cut him off. “That’s enough for me.”
He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes; you felt his lashes flutter against the side of your neck.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
You shook your head against his shoulder. “I love you.”
He held you and breathed you in for an amount of time that no clock could not keep up with, but it still felt insufficient. And when you pulled back slightly to look at him, he pressed his lips to yours in a kiss that expressed everything that words could not.
“Thank you,” he added. “For everything.”
You kissed him back—not to say you’re welcome, or no problem. You kissed him to tell him that you had finally made a choice. You were here. And you were staying.
He understood all of it as his lips pressed to yours, as your tongues touched and your breaths mixed together, as his hands settled around your waist as if they’d never been elsewhere. But you sensed his nervous heartbeat against your chest, even though he tried to fight against it.
“Promise me,” he whispered against your lips, “that you’ll tell me if I let you down again.”
Gently—but swiftly—you pulled away.
“I’ll tell you right now,” you said, the firmness in your tone contrasting with the tenderness of your touch as you held a hand to his chest and another one on the side of his face. “You let me down when you put yourself down. We make mistakes, we own up to them, we learn from them. We try too hard, we don’t always succeed, but we get through it together. That’s what we do. And we talk to each other about it all.”
The second you stopped speaking, he pulled you to himself with enough force to knock your breath out of your lungs. You rested your head against his, your heart pounding to the beat of his pulse.
“We’re very co-dependent,” he whispered and the tension in your chest finally eased at his light tone.
“Yes,” you stated. “It’s how we are.”
He snickered and lingered some more in your arms. You rested your hands on his back, rubbing gentle circles and steadily calming down his mind, his heart, and the entirety of his tired soul.
“Maggie, um—she took a picture of us in Amsterdam,” you said. “Did you know?”
He furrowed his eyebrows but allowed you to pull away as he thought about this.
“Wh—oh, in the bathtub?” he asked.
“Yeah. You’ve seen it?”
“Yeah, she sent it to me a while ago,” he said. And, overwhelmed by the honesty of the moment, he added, “it’s beautiful.”
That wasn’t a secret—he’d named his newest song after the moment you’d shared in that bathroom—but he still questioned if he should have said this right now. He could imagine your shock about the picture—that was why he chose not to show it to you when Maggie sent it to him.
But your expression remained gentle, almost pleased.
“Yeah, I liked it, too,” you said. “Well, after I got over the fact that we left the fucking door open.”
He chuckled softly, the sound straining against the cuts and bruises in his chest.
“But anyway, my point is, focus on things like that,” you continued. “That’s who you are. You’re not a video from fuck knows how long ago. Sid doesn’t own you, and he does not control you.”
Jungkook swallowed and lowered his gaze. He nodded his head a few times, but you still started to feel uneasy—was this enough? Or was Sid’s presence in his head still heavier than yours?
You looked around for a distraction, and quickly found one, partially hidden under a stack of cookies.
“We had a film to watch,” you said, pulling your laptop out and accidentally knocking down some of the candy towers he had built on the bed.
Jungkook glanced up and caught a bag of chocolates right before it hit him on the arm. “Oh—w-we had. But how’s your head?”
You had completely forgotten it existed at all, which certainly alleviated your headache. The pure adrenaline from being so close to him probably contributed, too.
“It’s good,” you said, opening your laptop and turning around to adjust the pillows on the bed for more comfort. “I’m great.”
“I still think you should get proper food,” he said, and it struck you that this pattern of worrying, comforting, and taking care of each other in turns was truly a regular occurrence between the two of you.
“I’m fine,” you said. “We’ve got chocolate and more cookies than we should be allowed to eat. I want to live out my nine-year-old fantasy and my dentist’s worst nightmare.”
He smiled at that, but still hesitated. “Okay, but—well, maybe you would rather sleep?”
“I—alright.” You pushed your laptop aside and crossed your arms over your chest. “Now it’s starting to sound like you don’t want to watch this with me.”
“I do,” he said, coming to sit across from you so he could push the laptop back towards you. “I’m just—”
“I’m fine,” you repeated. “I want to be here.”
Hearing that made him happy—the jump-off-buildings kind of happy, where he was glad to have you here or else he really would’ve had no way to keep it all inside himself—but he seemed to still wait for something. The air in the room was still thick with everything that you’d talked about tonight.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “We don’t have to do this—after everything.”
“I want to do this,” you said. And then, responding to the doubts he chose not to voice, you added, “I want to do everything with you.”
He watched as you leaned over your laptop to set up the film across the bed from him. He hadn’t realised he could feel so suffocated from the butterflies in his chest—his stomach could no longer contain them—and he was worried about opening his mouth in case they would try to escape. They’d fill this whole room with their fluttering wings, and the two of you would simply not fit.
“I love you,” he breathed out.
You raised your head and smiled at him—easily, effortlessly. Like you’ve done countless times before.
“I love you, too,” you said.
There wasn’t a building tall enough, he decided. Your voice resonated in his pulse and as long as his heart kept beating, he would always land on the ground perfectly safe.
“Alright,” you said, interrupting his very productive Staring and Smiling. “Let’s watch the film.”
“Alright.”
He returned to his side of the bed and managed to settle on the very edge of it. He watched the paused screen of your laptop and twiddled his thumbs. It took him half a minute to notice you were watching him.
“What?” he asked then.
“You’re comfortable?” you questioned. “Your grandma is going to be disappointed if you tell her that you watched the film but couldn’t even see the screen.”
He looked away. “To be fair, my grandma would be disappointed if she found out I had you in my room and I was across the bed from you.”
You tried everything to suppress your smile, but it crept onto your face in blatant defiance and chose to stay there.
“Well, what’s stopping you from coming closer?” you asked.
“My heart, I think. It might really stop this time.”
You laughed, and he was forced to acknowledge that he did not need to be right next to you for his heart to stop. All it took was this.
He wasn’t sure if he was ever going to recover from the fact that he could finally do this again—sit on the bed with you, watch films together, listen to you laugh, kiss you, tell you he loved you and hear that you loved him, too. And no one could text him and wake him up from this dream.
“Come here,” you said, raising your arm over the pillows to make space for him by your side.
He was beaming. Neither Sid, nor any voice inside his head could ever taint this moment or take it away from him.
Jungkook scooted closer to you, seemingly determined to make you regret your invitation. He immediately draped a hand over your waist and a leg over yours, his body warm, his touch inescapable. You started the film on your laptop, but doubted, suddenly, if you’d be able to watch anything with him so close.
One of your hands had come to rest on the back of his head, gently teasing the strands of his hair as he lied on his side next to you, almost half of his body thrown over yours. His fingers toyed with the edges of your hoodie, and he kept humming an unrecognisable tune under his breath. You weren’t sure if he even realised it, because every time you glanced at him, especially during your favourite parts of the film, he was diligently watching the screen. The only times he looked up at you was if you stopped playing with his hair.
Then, once the film ended about an hour and a half later, Jungkook pulled back a little to be able to see you in his dark room.
If not for the tapping of his leg against yours, he would have looked like an ancient sculpture with the contours of his face illuminated by the glow of your laptop screen. It felt exceptional, somehow, to be able to witness him like this, and you came to the same realisation as you had in Stockholm while walking down empty streets at night with him, and in Amsterdam, when he lied on the hotel bed next to you. You realised how effortlessly poetic he looked. How otherworldly.
And you realised you loved him far more than words could describe.
Suddenly, his phone buzzed.
His expression darkened, but he did not move to check who’d texted. He was determined to stay in the dream he was having.
Within seconds, before either of you could say half of a word about the film you’d just watched, his phone buzzed three more times.
Finally, he exhaled. He did not need to look at his phone; you both knew it was Sid.
“I told Minjun about this earlier today,” Jungkook said, reaching over to grab the device from the other side of the bed. “He thinks I should ignore him, but I’m not sure if that’ll work. I, um—I had hoped Sid would forget about the bet and just leave me in peace, but he saw how bothered I was, and that brought him joy. He never forgets anything that brings him joy. And this is something else that—”
“Reply to him,” you said.
“I—hmm?” He blinked. “What?”
You shrugged your shoulders. He appeared even more perplexed by your apparent nonchalance.
“He’s clearly anticipating it,” you explained. “Text him that I’ve already seen those videos. Add a heart.”
Jungkook was not sure what to make of this. Last night, you had tried to stop him from doing the very thing you were now suggesting.
But then he looked down at his phone in his hands—several new notifications about video attachments from unknown numbers were on his screen—and he thought he understood what had changed. He could see how your responses to Sid had been building up to this point. The bet was just one of many instances, a small drop in an endless ocean of shit that Sid came up with and encouraged. All of it had brought you and Jungkook to this moment: with the videos on his phone looming over him.
Sid may not have been the sole cause, but he had reinforced Jungkook’s already prominent reliance on external validation and his subsequent isolation anxiety. He even played a significant role in exacerbating these issues. Jungkook was aware of it, even if he couldn’t help it. And you were aware of it, too.
While he wasn’t sure how deep inside of his mind you could see, Jungkook looked at the determination in your eyes, and he understood. You were on his side, and after everything you’d talked about tonight, you were angry.
He considered your suggestion again.
“Won’t that antagonise him further?” he asked cautiously.
“Sure it will,” you replied simply. “But what else can he do?”
“I’m not sure I want to find out.”
“Well, he wants you to react,” you said. “He’ll continue to spam you with everything he has in his gallery unless you show him that he’s got nothing to win. You said he’s taunting you, he’s threatening to show me the videos. Well, I’ve seen them. He can’t do anything about that now.”
The more Jungkook thought about this, the more his heart rate increased.
“But then,” he said because he’s known Sid for most of his life, “he’ll find a different way to get under my skin.”
You shook your head. You were convinced that the only reason why Sid got so far, why he had such a tight grip on Jungkook’s thoughts, was because Jungkook allowed it.
“He won’t have that much power,” you said, “if you won’t give it to him.”
Jungkook was still hesitant—his habit of blindly following Sid’s lead was very hard to kill—but he unlocked his phone.
“Alright,” he said. “But—okay, I guess he might not believe me if I tell him you already saw the videos. So, what if I—”
“I’ll text him.”
His stomach sank in horror.
“You—no,” he disagreed, panicking as he got up on his knees on the bed. “No, no—w-we don’t even know these numbers he’s using.”
“I don’t need them,” you said, taking out your phone. “We know it’s Sid. We’ll strip him of all his courage by exposing the anonymity he believes he has.”
Jungkook watched you in helpless awe—as though you were doing something truly impressive rather than simply sending a text message. He leaned in closer to be able to get a better view of your phone screen as you selected Sid’s contact (saved as “ASS #1” on your phone—with Jude following as “ASS #2,” of course), and typed: “I already know about the videos, thank you for thinking of me 🖤”
Then, you put your phone away and turned to Jungkook. He was still biting his lip, evidently doubting and regretting at least half of his life.
“There’s a second part, you know,” you said.
“Hm?” He glanced at the black screen of your laptop. “Of the film?”
“Mhmm. He’s escaping from LA this time. Do you want to watch it?”
Jungkook felt a little dizzy. This was over, then. You sent the text, and that was it.
He was forced to accept that even though he had cut his ties with Sid, he could still feel the phantom grips of Sid’s collar around his neck. He wasn’t sure if he would have believed in himself enough to send one text and be done with it. He needed a deeper provocation—like Sid’s descriptions of you before he punched him—or someone actively supporting him all through it—like Minjun and Taehyung, when he gave his Katana up.
And you, he thought. He was thinking of you during all those times.
“I—well, yeah,” he said finally. “Let’s watch it.”
You nodded and returned to your laptop to prepare the second film. You had your back turned to him, so he could not see the slight tremor in your hands. You did not enjoy texting Sid, but he was using you to get back at Jungkook, and you were tired of sitting down and taking it.
“Do you think,” Jungkook said, leaning back against the pillows, “I should get an anaconda tattooed on my stomach?”
Your relief was so strong that you didn’t even realise you had started to laugh. Kurt Russell’s character had a very prominent shirtless scene in the film, and you had been waiting for Jungkook to mention it.
“That was a cobra,” you said. “And no.”
“I think it—wait, why not?” He leaned forward to look at you, offence prominent on his face. “It looked cool on Snake.”
“You’re not cool enough to pull it off,” you replied. He raised his eyebrows, and you shook your head to hide your smile and to emphasise your point. “It just wouldn’t work.”
He nodded slowly, his lips twisted ironically. “Oh, I see, okay. So, what would work for me, then?”
“Maybe a cute little rabbit.”
“A rabb—oh, sure.” Crossing his arms over his chest and pouting, he looked very much like the tattoo you were imagining. “Go ahead and mock me.”
You squinted your eyes. “A rabbit with a lip ring?”
“Mhmm.” He tilted his chin up. “I will get a cobra tattoo out of spite now.”
Snickering, you hit the spacebar on your keyboard and started the film.
“Let’s watch the second part before you decide rabbit or cobra,” you said.
“I’ve already deci—”
Your phone vibrated on the bed, cutting him off. A familiar anxious shiver ran down your spine.
You glanced at him, and just as before, the two of you quickly came to the same conclusion, and the radiant smiles on your faces suddenly clouded again.
Breathing a little heavier, you paused the film after less than a minute and picked up your phone.
There was a new text message from Sid. He had sent you a link to what appeared to be an Instagram post. His message underneath it read, “Okay :) and do you know about this? x”
You had a feeling what was coming even before you clicked the link; your subconsciousness had made the connection before it should have realistically been possible.
The link directed you to Sid’s profile and the picture he’d posted four minutes ago: it was the black-and-white bathtub shot that Maggie had shown you at the bar last night. Sid had captioned it, “so happy for you!”
Jungkook cursed softly on the bed behind you.
You were not sure if you were breathing.
“Fuck,” Jungkook said again. “He—he must have got it from my phone. Maggie—she sent me the picture, and Sid—”
“This piece of fucking shit,” you swore. Your hold on your phone remained firm, despite the device shaking in your frustrated hands. “He’s definitely not just taunting you, he’s targeting us both.”
The Rated Riot fans knew who Sid was, they saw the picture. Jungkook glanced at your screen once more as you clicked on the likes. They were pouring in too quickly, and the total number—which Sid had not made private, of course—could not refresh in time.
Neither you, nor Jungkook said anything. Neither of you drew any obvious conclusions. Simply watching as the image spread online was already enough.
People said a picture was worth a thousand words, and you wondered about the value of this particular one.
You hadn’t even talked to the label; you’d barely talked to each other about your relationship. How would this look for you? What would you do?
“This is what he wants, then?” you asked, staring at your phone. The usernames on the screen blurred together. “For us to break up? He’s that miserable?”
Jungkook felt a knot straining in his stomach, and he could not respond.
“And why do it like this?” you questioned further. “What the fuck is wrong with him, aside from the obvious? What does he gain from any of this?”
Jungkook thought he knew what it was. He could feel it that night when he handed Sid the keys to the Katana. But he hoped—he really fucking hoped—that Sid would get over it. He got his way, after all.
“He won the bet,” Jungkook said, “but I did not lose anything. He can’t stand the thought that I’m—h-he needs me to know that I’m not better than him.”
You groaned. “Fuck—fuck him. Fuck his immature shit, and his fucking ego. Whatever it is that he wants, he’s not going to get it. He’s already done enough.”
You got up from the bed, and Jungkook watched you move around his room with a quiet purpose that he could not decipher.
“What…” he cleared his throat, “do you mean?”
“I don’t know yet,” you said, and your pacing increased. “But we’ll figure it out. He’s not getting his fucking way.”
Jungkook felt a little foolish as he asked, “you’re not mad?”
You stopped in the middle of the room and looked at the uncertain arch of his brows, the slight pull of his lips. You wondered if you would have had it in you not to strangle Sid if he was in the room with you right now. Really, Jungkook wouldn’t even have to do anything. Maybe dig a hole later.
“At you?” you asked, returning to the bed. “Why would I be mad at you? I—I’m angry in general. But I think Sid would have found some kind of a picture of us and posted it anyway. At least we managed to get on his nerves a little first.”
You sat down beside him, and he ran his fingers through his hair, half-nodding, half-shaking his head.
“Yeah. Yeah, okay,” he decided. “We might have, uh, actually pushed him into doing this without thinking it through. He didn’t even tag us in the picture, right? And I mean, I know it’s us, but we’re completely in the dark, and—”
He stopped talking when you abruptly jumped up, scrambling to unlock your phone again.
“W-what is it?” he asked, alarmed once more.
You returned to Sid’s profile, clicked on the picture, and refreshed the post.
He hadn’t tagged you.
Jungkook was easily recognisable in the picture if you expected to see him there. However, it was likely that besides Maggie and Luna—who already knew it was you because Maggie had said so—no one else could identify the other person in the bathtub.
“Shit, you’re right,” you said, your heart speeding in your chest. “He didn’t tag us. If I hadn’t texted him, he might have posted the picture later, after thinking it through better, and—but he hadn’t. Fuck, this is—we can fix this. I—oh, we will fix this, and I’ll fucking make sure this is the last game he plays with us.”
Right away, just from the tone of your voice alone, Jungkook knew that Sid had lost. He’d lost and he didn’t even know it yet.
You hadn’t broken up. You were together—seemingly even more together now than you were hours ago, when you’d first entered his room.
Finally, Jungkook exhaled in staggering relief.
The two of you had already won.
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chapter title credits: normandie, “blood in the water”
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kiwanopie · 1 year
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aki threatening to make us housewives………. the way i physically gasped 😭. he’s the worst—one year as your senpai and he’s already decided you’re his.
it’s so vile too bc you want it, want him more than anything. want aki to cream your cute pussy ‘til you’re bloated. wanna hold up chunky lil babies that giggle and pull at their daddy’s topknot :((
the way i immediately opened my docs this ask sent my brain into overdrive
Glutton.
cw: car sex. breeding. dumbification. overstimulation. choking (aki wraps his hand around your neck) creampie. 1.1k
You already know he’ll name it after his little brother.
Or his mom. Whatever her name was? You’ve been chalking up ideas since he put it in your head and now it feels like you can’t remember a thing. Just your hope that if it’s a boy it’ll look like him and if it’s a girl - for her sake - she won’t have her mother’s tendency to misbehave.
You’re nothing if not a glutton for punishment.
You know, you’ve always assumed that Aki was a smart guy. I mean he’s team leader for a reason? He’s level headed in most cases, stalwart when it counts, a little demented but conscious of the things he does, and stubborn. He’d walk on a plate of fire just to prove a point - but it’s not a bad thing to stay true to your own ideals. This is a guy who keeps his promises. Every single one of them.
He’s too ticked off to put two and two together. “It’s like you like pissing me off.”
Aki’s heated breaths burn sear marks into the crook of your throat, just over the open wing of your collar and love notes left by his lips from earlier. Your brain’s too mushy to do anything but pant into the air, blowing thicker tufts of condensation that have already turned his car windows misty.
He’s fucking you like he means to turn your guts around, pistoning into your poor overstimmed cunt like it’s all he’s meant to do. Not even faltering when the acrylics of your nails tear shallow gashes into his button up - If you had the half of mind, you could even say he enjoys it.
Feeling you cling to him so desperately as he grunts in the crook of your shoulder, tighten when he curses at you. Maybe he’s too blissed out. Maybe he’s not as smart as you took him for. But you seem to be taking the repercussions of your misbehavior in stride.
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” Aki hisses in your ear. “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve going over my head after what I told you.”
You croon when he lifts one of your legs and fastens it over his arm to get you at a better angle - a deeper angle. God, his seats are probably ruined.
You already knew you were in trouble when he offered to drive you home. You knew the look in his eyes, and you knew Makima was obviously gonna tell the guy overseeing you that you requested clearance to be contracted with a new devil, especially one so substantial. You even pulled the extra stop of shoeing in a compelling argument. ‘The life of a hunter is short anyway. Why not make it mean something?’
Like getting knocked up by your boss in the back of his Lincoln. “P-…Please forgive me, senpai! I’m- fuck, m’so sorry-“
“You might as well get used to calling me by my first name.” He grunts. “It’d be pretty fucking confusing when we start sharing my last.”
Aki lets out a broken curse when you tighten up again. “God, I can’t believe you. Were you even gonna tell me? Was I just supposed to find out when you…”
He doesn’t even finish the thought. Instead he blows out a puff of air against your pulse that makes you shutter. Lifts his head to look at you more directly and stares at you for a moment. There’s a lot of emotions behind his eyes that you’re not exactly cognizant to decipher. A way the tendons in his jaw tense - that seems less angry and more ‘something else entirely.’ But before you can zero your misty eyes on what exactly that could be, he’s already pressing his lips against yours.
A slow kiss. Not messy and unrestrained like earlier but savory. Sensuous lip smacking all the more sultry when he tilts his head to follow the current of the kiss. His loose hair falls freely over your face, lax from all the tugging you’ve been doing since he started turning your insides to bisque. But a kiss like this is the kind you give when it means something. Goosebump and butterfly inducing - You moan in his mouth and he swallows it heartily.
And then he deepens it.
That earnest passionance becomes lustful and raunchy before you can even realize he’s sucking on your tongue. Deepening his thrusts until you’re feeling him in your stomach and groaning down your throat when your fingers start to dig into his scalp. If you didn’t know any better you’d say Aki was hoping for this kind of outcome just as much as you were. Especially when he starts to angle his thrusts for the spot that has you gushing around him like he likes.
The kiss leaves a gossamer trail of his spit when he pulls back for another look at you. Your pretty doe eyes have gone teary.
“Don’t even worry about your resignation, I fired you as soon as I found out.” Aki grunts. “We’ll figure out the living arrangements later.”
Your eyes roll back when he settles for a firm grip on your throat. “I’ll have to get a bigger car. Oh fuck - And a car seat.”
You babble something that sounds like a cross between “So good!” and “I’m cumming!” but it’s more a jumbled mess of moans and overstimulated whimpers. He’s stopped counting the amount of times your pretty pussy has gone into the process of milking him for all he’s got. But even as he follows you over the edge does he continue to fuck you brainless.
Aki peers down at the mess you’re making on his leather seats. “S-Shit. Quit wasting it. I’m not stopping till I know it’ll take.”
“S’good, senpai! A-Aki-senpai! So good! It’s s’good!”
He pulls your other leg up till you're folded in a mating press, groaning at the difference in angle. “You know - mhph - You’re even cuter when you’re all fucked out like this.”
His dick twitches at the way you start to drool. “Gonna be my pretty wife? Gimme some pretty babies?”
“Sso pretty…!” You slur. “G’nna make you a daddy!”
He gives you a blitzed smile that definitely says he’s as far gone as you are. “Yeah?”
Your mouth gapes as he bends over you, much too deep with your legs hooked over his shoulders and pressing his hips flat against your ass to grind in as thoroughly as possible.
“So stupid…” Aki skims his lips over yours. “You’re stupid if you think I’m done with you after that.”
He hums as he brings you into another kiss, briefly pulling away to murmur drunkenly. “Gimme a pretty family, baby.”
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1 reblog = several Hayakawa babies
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