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keingleichgewicht · 3 years

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WERE YOU KIDDING ABOUT THE ASK GAME if not i dont have any specific lyrics in mind but i always thought the lyrics to the mill were so cool and maybe you could get some thoughts out of them? :0

YEAH GOD OKAY LET’S TALK ABOUT THE MILL. LET’S TALK ABOUT UHHHHHHHHH [THROWS DARTBOARD]

this line. this MIGHT go on for a while so i will............ readmore

so the mill feels kind of notably different to the rest of the pafl songs, which tend to be unusually literal for lyric, either straightforward retellings of events (punch it, punk!) or character piece monologues set to plot visuals (strike 3) or both (all of them, but for instance particularly comfort zone, which is just dmitry’s horrible manifesto until it gets hijacked by a death sentence in the second verse.) the mill is a lot more like what we expect from poetry these days, which is to say it’s heavy on imagery, low on clarity, and fucking confusing!

I’ll draw a circle in the sand, drive myself around the bend in a desperate attempt to hold on to your battered hand Rocked to sleep beneath the snow, she is bathed in youthful glow ‘Strong enough to let it go,’ he says, but darling, I don’t know

a lot of the mill is about circles. this is in the name: a mill is something which turns. a waterwheel is a circle, a grindstone is a circle. it’s even in the melody: the chorus is a cyclic, pentatonic four-note riff that keeps going up and down and up its own ladder, chasing its own tail, not really reaching resolution. and then it’s also in, you know, the story:

the meat grinder!!!! everyone’s favorite fucking hellhole!!!! it is only semi-explicitly identified in the song but that’s because it’s a concept from the source material - both tarkovsky’s stalker and roadside picnic feature the meat-grinder, as a location nicknamed thus by stalkers because it is even more fucking deadly than the rest of the zone, all of which is already ridiculously fucking deadly, and if you’ve seen the movie:

it is more or less instantly recognizable in the mill as well. so here we have a circle! here we have a mill (the title has about seventy double meanings but this is certainly one of them,) and as it turns out, this mill at least will absolutely kill you. and horribly too. interestingly though, in roadside picnic (the book) the meat-grinder is not a tunnel, and it’s not round - it’s just a nondescript patch of ground which will wring you out like a dishcloth and kill you extremely dead if you walk into it. on the other hand what we have in the book in terms of circles is the golden ball, which is the equivalent of the movie’s the room, which is, well,

in short both stories ultimately hinge upon the idea that there is a something in the zone which can give you your heart’s desire. anything you want. everything you want. whatever you want. it is infinitely powerful; it is infinitely capable. the catch is that it will only give you what you want. the catch is that giving you what you want is not the same as giving you what you are asking for. the other catch is that in both cases you have to get through the meat-grinder first.

(so, by the way, what the fuck, right? does pafl’s zone have a wish-granting factory? is it also behind the grinder? where were the original trio going when they got themselves fucked up? and did they get there?)

but the point is: the golden ball, the wish-granting factory, is also a circle. it’s just sort of a sphere. it’s a big round fuckin yellow thing. you know, sorta like:

which is THE ONLY TIME yellow is used in occam’s razor not counting the full-colour shots, and it drives me CRAZY, but it is also me going full conspiracy board so let’s not even worry about it. THE POINT IS.

the circle is the death-machine and the wish-machine. neither of these things are really.... very good. the circle, or at least the arc, is also very closely associated with death:

(розовая дуга предрассветного, ‘rose arc of pre-dawn’. if i’ve fucked up that nominative please feel free to stone me to death!)

in the gdoc notes to message lost ferry briefly refers to the dawn as if it were a good thing, the dawn of hope, which is a usage that sort of agrees with the desolate and deathless hope of strike 3′s ‘everything will pass / a day will come,’ but on the other hand it really is very closely associated with dying. nikolai bites it; nikita bites it; sergei and olga left significant chunks of themselves behind. and the thing about ‘this too shall pass’ is that it’s always true, as is ‘everything ends’, but of course that’s ‘cause the thing that ends might be you. and as we know

dawn is an ending. so that seems concerning!

i think the circle, the arc, the bolt falling back to the ground, is not a good thing. i am getting a little conspiracy board here in general but forgive me, i cannot make you a wholesome answer, my wit’s diseased. i think the circle is an enclosed space. it’s an unbroken cycle. it’s the grindstone. it’s the mill. it’s about what pafl’s always been about: about being trapped, about having no chances, about being bordered upon. the circle’s the geometric figure of equidistance from a given point, and you can walk on it forever, and nothing will ever change; you will never get closer, you will never get further away, you will never get out! the sun rises, the sun sets, and you are no closer to anything you wanted. it’s worth noting that anya’s borderline city, the zone-edge port town she complains is trying to crush all her dreams, her mill

is a circle. (a cog in a machine! a grind-wheel! a cage!)

and yura, whose dreams have already been burned out of him, who starts the series already resigned to never getting out of here, calls it ‘this dire deja-vu’, i am specifically resisting putting the accent marks back onto that, which is to say, it’s a repetition that haunts him. it’s going round and round and getting nowhere.

so if we bring it back around: drawing a line in the sand, as the phrase is generally used, means setting a border, means saying this far and no further. often it’s yourself you’re setting the border for. you hit some divide you can’t abide crossing so you say this stops here, it may be too early or too late, but i say it stops here. so logically: drawing a circle in the sand means you’ve locked yourself in completely.

I’ll draw a circle in the sand, drive myself around the bend in a desperate attempt to hold your battered hand

the whole first half of this song, i think, is olga promising to grind herself down in a hundred ways if it means she won’t be left alone. how hard can it be to never let it overflow? she may feel lower than the low, she may wish she could just disappear out here, into the postindustrial rust, but though it gets harder all the time she will keep pretending. she isn’t going to burden sergei, or indeed anyone, with her problems, her fears, her scars. she is hurt, but she’s used to it, she’s gotten used to being haunted long ago. she keeps her bad eye covered. she stays within her circle she has drawn. she keeps going round and round. she will take the smallest sliver of human connection and be happy, she promises she will be happy, she promises she won’t ask for more, she will take just the ‘hello.’

but you knooooow it’s not true. you know it’s grinding her down, that she’ll be milled to nothing pretty soon, and really she knows it too.

i am perhaps seventy percent sure that this line is a reference to the windmills of your mind by michel legrande, which features such lines as

Like a tunnel that you follow to a tunnel of its own Down a hollow to a cavern where the sun has never shone Like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind

which on one hand seems sort of obscure to be a purposeful reference but on the other hand would be a hell of a coincidence if it wasn’t, wouldn’t it. either way it characterizes circles ambiguously, but definitely unsettlingly. going around in circles is chasing infinity, but what in god’s name would you do with it if you caught it? what are you even hoping to accomplish? and:

the second half of this song is bitterer, sharper - staring down the mouth of the meat-grinder she’s a little more willing to admit to herself that this is going nowhere. she is running out of cages to keep herself in. she is very tired. it’s easy to say why don’t you leave it all behind, it’s easy to say, she’s strong enough to let it go, it’s easy to say, too strong to die. it is a lot harder to actually live.

this is also where the flashbacks admit to us how badly hurt they really were - sergei with his whole side in shreds, she still hides her eye but at least we get to see it’s bleeding. this moral compass is forever misaligned, she says, so there is damage, and it is lasting. and she can’t settle for hello, she can’t live like this, she needs someone by her side. the trouble is whether she can believe she has any hope of getting that

as for who ‘her’ is, or the ‘she’ of ‘she is bathed in youthful glow’, i figure there’s two possibilities: either it’s nadya, who haunts olga too, because nikita’s abandonment of nadya represents exactly what she most fears for herself, or it’s olga’s younger, unbroken, binocular self - both of whom were so young, and so easily hurt, and are now unfindable.

and then there’s this conclusion: ‘the sun will rise, until then / i’ll be waiting for you on the other side.’ which maybe is a sort of hope after all? she’s reached no real conclusions in the zone - she knows there must be hope but she can only barely believe in it - she thinks she is destined to self-destruct. but on the other hand she still has that, a version of sergei’s own ‘a day will come’

you may be hurt, but if you can hold yourself together, you can hope for a dawn someday. an ending. a change. but the trouble’s that there’s more than one kind of ending. and there’s more than one meaning for other side. there are cages, and then there are cages. and you know what else looks like a tunnel, a circle?

staring down the barrel of the gun.

#pafl #parties are for losers #it speaks #ask #in all fairness and in my defence when i made the joke i said i would write not less than one thousand words and by fuck #this has not been less than one thousand words!#jorgyjuice #THANK YOU FOR THE ASK ALSO THIS WAS REALLY FUN #and thank you VERY dearly to anyone who takes the time to read all this; you own my soul now; feel free to collect at any time #metatext

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vickyvicarious · 3 years

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Hello! I love your posts about both of the Leverage series. What role does Breanna as a Maker fulfill in the team?

First off, sorry I took so long to answer this. I was holding off until I watched all the episodes because I wanted to see how much more was or wasn't done with 'Maker' Breanna.

And the short answer is? Not much.

But the long answer... well, to sum it up, that might change pretty soon in the next part of the season, and it's actually pretty character-based that we don't see it yet. Let me explain my reasoning.

Breanna tries to sell herself as a team member like this:

Breanna: "I'm not as good a hacker as you."

Hardison: "Damn straight."

Breanna: "But hacking's kinda old-school anyway, it's like any script kiddie can do that. I'm really better with, like, the social media part. Or like, drones, physical builds, you know, like... relevant skills."

So. First off, in this scene she's clearly trying to make herself sound valuable to the team. She doesn't want to just present herself as 'Hardison, but not as good.' She acknowledges that he's a better hacker but then tries to point out her own skills that could be useful, and the 'relevant' dig is just a joke because she's nervous and also he's her sibling so she's gotta.

No one really responds, so she asks them to give her a shot, to let her in because she found them and she's earned this. Hardison, though, is still stuck on her calling him a "script kiddie":

Hardison: "S- I'm s- scrip-script who? Who you calling script kiddie?" [to Eliot, standing behind Breanna] "Bruh, script kiddie? You hear this?"

Eliot: "Hey. Head chef." [pauses, tilts his head towards Breanna] "Chopping lettuce."

I bring this up because I think it's pretty relevant to what we see from Breanna. She literally just tried to present herself as different from Hardison, to emphasize her own skills in drones and social media manipulation. But the very first thing she hears is "head chef/chopping lettuce." Without the context of Eliot and Hardison's earlier conversation about Hardison being torn between his other work (that only he can do) and needing to let go and delegate some stuff, all she's hearing here is Eliot essentially calling her the less experienced cook. Same job really, just not as good at it.

We don't see much reaction on her face to this line. But throughout the rest of the season, a recurring aspect of her characterization is that she gets frustrated or disheartened when people shut her ideas down, and she tends to be less confident in herself/hesitant about offering ideas or surprised by getting praise.

She tries to prove herself quickly in the Rollin' on the River Job by going for the pearl despite being told not to, and then gets very upset and resentful when she's confined to the van for the rest of the con. Thing is, she was trying to prove herself by demonstrating Parker skills - skills which Breanna does not have at this point.

She's also compared negatively to Hardison in I think the same episode or maybe the next one? When she finds the shell corporation and is all proud of herself and then the team just kinda goes "even Harry coulda done that." They're not mean about it, but Breanna clearly isn't going as deep into the research as they like or are used to. Similarly, Eliot complains about having to apply for a job instead of just having it given to him and changes his backstory on the fly when Breanna really isn't ready. She doesn't have all the backups built like Hardison, she isn't able to change them as fast as he can. Again, there's a scene where he left her manuals and she kinda skimmed them but failed at something that would have been explained in the manual if she'd read it all.

She showed up wanting to be an addition to the team, to fill a different role from Hardison. But he took that as the impetus to leave and do his own thing, meaning Breanna now feel like she has to fill his role. And it's not going super well at first because that's not what she's good at. Not that she's bad by any means - but the Leverage team is very used to Hardison, and they aren't slowing down enough for her, or aren't always clearly explaining what they want from her.

Also, they're planning their cons with two things in mind for her: a) her safety, and b) her doing tech. Parker tries to teach her thieving skills onscreen, and just generally be a mentor. They put Breanna in the van early on and hesitate to let her out too much until they're more confident in her skills. This isn't helped by the whole pearl fiasco, obviously, but in general, they build plans around her being with someone else guiding her at first, or her being back at base doing Hardison's old job. Partly because they see that as safer but also because that's just, what they know to plan for.

Breanna is someone who feels bad about herself pretty easily, in my opinion. She gets discouraged. Eliot's early comment and Hardison leaving was enough to push her into the reckless pearl grab to try and impress the team with her skills. When that backfires, she gets a lot less bold about protesting a plan. Part of that comes from Harry's pep talk to her, as well. He encourages her to work as part of a team with the rest of the crew. And she basically takes that and throws herself into being what she thinks they want her to be.

Now, I'm not saying she never offers any ideas of her own. But it takes a while before she's very confident doing so, and it's not until the Card Game Job (which happens to be very emotionally significant for her personally) that she really tries to argue her point. (She repurposes her Halloween decorations to help the con the episode right before, but it's not quite the same situation.) And then she's still shut down. This is partially due to Parker's own hangups about being a mentor meaning she should always be the wiser one and not have to learn from her own student, and that does change over the course of the episode. But Breanna doesn't push super hard for Parker to use her notes at first, despite clearly wanting to. However, she does grow in confidence once her relevant knowledge starts being the key to figuring out the riddle. And at the end of the episode Parker makes a point of mentioning that Breanna's a good teacher.

The very next episode, she brings a drone to a job.

Now, sadly poor little Frodo the drone is killed basically instantly, but that timing seems pretty telling to me. The other incredibly important thing that happens that episode, is that Breanna opens up, at first to Eliot, and then to the rest of the team (minus Harry), about her past and her regrets and mistakes.

We never actually learn what those are, because the team tells her it doesn't actually matter to them. Eliot tells her directly that they don't need her to be Hardison. Parker goes a step further and says "All we need from you is to be exactly the person you are."

And I think that is the key. Breanna was trying really, really hard to show them that she's a worthwhile member of the team. She was trying to live up to their perceived expectations of her, trying to fill Hardison's shoes. And because they aren't familiar with any other skills of hers/don't often work with things like social media and drones, they don't make plans for those. Breanna needs to take the initiative to offer her own skills and ideas, because unlike Nate in the original show, Parker and Sophie don't have the same knowledge of everything Breanna is capable of. They put her in plans in ways they knew she'd be safe, and doing things they expected she could do. And it wasn't exactly wrong of them, but it didn't give her the opportunity to bring many of her own unique skills to the table.

Now, the Double-Edged Sword Job (where they tell her all this) is the second-to-last episode, and the finale is entirely focused on Sophie and the ghost of Nate. Breanna plays a relatively small role in that one, so we don't see instant payoff from this conversation. But I do believe that, now she's no longer carrying the yoke of 'being Hardison', we will see her feeling more confident in offering up her own skills. We will see them succeeded and her own ideas and techniques becoming something the rest of the team learns how to account for in planning cons.

The two things Breanna brags about at the beginning are social media and drones/physical builds. As of yet, we've seen her utilize social media once (to throw the rave in her first episode - when Hardison was still there), and a drone once (the episode after her knowledge was key to the con succeeding). The drone didn't work that time, but I hope to see more, and see more clever applications of whatever "social media manipulation" and "physical builds" even means, in the second half of the season.

(Granted, Hardison never fit fully into a box of just hacking in the first place, and I'm sure there will still be a lot of overlap with Breanna being the primary tech person, but I'm excited for more variety as well.)

#leverage #leverage redemption #leverage spoilers #breanna casey #leverage meta #my meta #anonymous #replies

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agerefandom · 3 years

Text

Little Brother, Big Brother

Fandom: Homestuck

Characters: Regressor!Dave Strider & his mom Roxy Lalonde, regressor!Dirk Strider & daddy!John Egbert

Words: 5,400

Summary: Dirk and Dave are both age regressors, but they have never regressed in the same space. After almost a year of consideration, they’re finally getting together for a playdate with their two caregivers. Everyone’s a little nervous and a little excited.

Content Warnings: Brief mention of diapers. Parental caregiver names. One brief tantrum/bout of separation anxiety. (Important Note: Dirk and John’s caregiver/regressor relationship is a little blurry between non-sexual kink and regression. For example, they have rules and safewords, which I don’t typically write as part of age regression. This is only briefly mentioned in the fanfiction, and both of them still characterize their relationship as sfw agere, separate from their romantic relationship as adults. Nevertheless, I wanted to mention it in the content warnings!)

There was a knock at the door and Roxy perked up, tossing aside the phone she had been anxiously fiddling with. She made her way around the scattered toys on the floor to the front door, opening it to reveal a familiar smiling face.

“John!” Roxy exclaimed, pulling him in for a hug. He happily returned it, wrapping his arms around Roxy’s shoulders and laughing into her hair. John had been a gangly teen, but he had grown into it now, with broad shoulders and a soft stomach that Roxy loved to lean against while they played video games. “It’s been forever!”

“Too long,” John agreed, then stepped back to reveal the other visitor who had been half-hiding behind him. Dirk had his hands shoved deep in his pockets, and he moved with John as if he was tempted to dive right back behind him.

Roxy fixed Dirk with a Look and opened her arms for a hug. He stepped forwards to oblige, ducking his head so the edges of his shades weren’t a threat to Roxy’s perfect face. His hugs had become familiar over the years, brittle but genuine, all long limbs and restless fingers. Roxy squeezed him once, pressing her cheek against his hair, before she let him step back. He didn’t look like he was inclined to talk, which was fair enough. Roxy could guess that they were all nervous about their evening plans.

“Come on in, you guys. Don’t mind the mess, it’s been a busy day.” Roxy showed them in, ushering them to the couch.

“Oh, I understand,” John laughed. He had a backpack over one shoulder, patterned with little red robots. Roxy guessed that it was the supplies for Dirk, who was currently dressed in his usual outfits: unassuming, plain clothes from the newest brand that cost an arm and a leg. Roxy didn’t keep up with that sort of thing, but she could admit that Dirk always looked nice. “It’s hard to keep track of everything when someone’s over-excited.”

“You can say that again,” Roxy sighed. She and John had been good friends over the years since the game had ended, and one regular part of their relationship was chatting about their forays into caregiving. It was different, of course, because Dave and Roxy weren’t dating, but John and Roxy were still two members of the friend-group who dealt with regressors in some form or another. They had found each other a valuable resource to share ideas, tips, questions, and just to vent about their exhaustion occasionally.

“Alright, so we’re getting set up in here?” John asked, looking around the room. “Is that still the plan?”

“Yep, I think it’s the best way to do things,” Roxy said. “Help yourself to snacks, toys, anything apart from the stuffed dinosaurs. Dave’s a little protective of those guys, but everything else is fair game. Do you need anything before I head out?”

“Nope! I think I can work with this,” John said, rubbing one hand across Dirk’s shoulders. Dirk hadn’t taken a single step away from John since they entered, almost pressed against his side. “Give us about fifteen?”

“No rush,” Roxy told them. “We’re happy to watch some TV in the bedroom.”

“I’ll let you know.” John seemed pretty confident, something that Roxy had always envied. She was never sure if she was doing things right with Dave: his younger self was so different from his older self, and he was resistant to talking about it openly when he wasn’t regressed. John and Dirk had much more communication set up, and many stricter rules. Maybe it was part of their relationship, but maybe it was just what Dirk needed. Roxy knew that Dirk’s headspace was more consciously constructed that Dave’s, and he preferred to structure it with safewords and rules, while Dave wouldn’t be able to set good boundaries when he regressed.

“Cool, we’ll be around!” Roxy brushed a hand against Dirk’s arm on her way out, smiling at him over her shoulder. She was excited to see him smaller, excited to see John taking care of him first-hand. It wasn’t that she couldn’t picture it, she just couldn’t picture herself in the situation with them. She fiercely hoped that it would all go well, but of course her priority was…

“Dave!” she called as a soft warning before opening the door.

Her son/not-son was sitting on the floor of her bedroom, working on a puzzle she had bought for him. It was a little more complicated than a normal four-year-old could handle, but Dave’s hand-eye coordination wasn’t quite as bad as a bio-toddler, and Roxy tried to err on the side of something too hard instead of something that would take him five seconds.

Dave looked up at Roxy with wide eyes, his lips pressed together in an expression dangerously close to a pout.

“Oh, baby, are you nervous?” Roxy closed the door and swept down to kneel beside Dave, pushing a hand through his hair.

“Don’t wanna do this,” Dave muttered, hands clenched into fists. Roxy put her hands over his, easing them apart and revealing the puzzle pieces he had been crushing in his palms.

“If you don’t want to, we don’t have to.” Roxy watched Dave carefully. She was excited about their plans, but Dave’s comfort came first. She knew that this was a risky situation for everyone involved, something that she’d been thinking about for over a year, but pushing it wasn’t going to help. “Little brothers are a lot of work.”

Dave visibly perked up at the reminder that he would be the big brother in this situation. The difference in age was one reason why John and Roxy found it so interesting to compare their experiences: Dave was a fairly active toddler, with a lot of curiosity and energy, while Dirk’s headspace was closer to an infant, and he was a largely reactive child, easily entertained by simple toys or a TV show.

“Do we have to play?” Dave’s question took Roxy a moment to put together.

“You mean, play with each other?” Dave nodded. “I don’t think you need to play together if you don’t want to! Dirk is pretty tiny, I don’t know if he does much playing. It’s mostly going to be you and me just like normal.”

“But John?” Dave covered his face, nerves and embarrassment making their way through his regression. His voice came back to his adult voice as he curled inward. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Roxy hummed sympathetically, giving Dave his space. “Like I said, we can back out at any time. But I know that John is really excited about this, just like I am. He wants to meet you, little one. He already knows he’s going to love you.”

Dave made an incoherent sound of protest, flapping his hands in front of his curled-in knees.

“Anyone would be lucky to spend time with you, honey.” Roxy curled up beside Dave, mirroring his position with a bit of space between them. “I’m so lucky to be your mom. And John loves you a whole lot, he won’t stop talking about it! He’s going to be over the moon that you trust him with this. Even if it only lasts a little while, he’s going to be excited for months. You know him.”

Dave laughed, clearly still out of regression. “John’s a nerd.”

“Oh, that’s not up for debate,” Roxy smiled. “But he’s also a very good daddy when he needs to be.”

“Weird.” Dave shook his head. “Can’t picture him as a dad.”

“I don’t think I knew what I’d be like as a mom,” Roxy mused. “I’m sure that Dirk is just as nervous about it all. I don’t think anyone knows what’s going to happen with the four of us, really. I can’t imagine how much Dirk is struggling with the lack of structure.” Dave chuckled at that. He and Dirk had a mixed but friendly relationship as adults, so he knew exactly what Roxy was talking about. Whenever things didn’t go exactly to plan, Dirk tended to fly off without a single word. Roxy knew that it was his way of trying to stop himself from making everyone stick to the original plan, but it didn’t stop it from being a kind of disorienting response.

“Okay.” Roxy watched Dave as he uncurled from his little ball and took a deep breath. “I do want to do this.”

“Yeah?” Roxy stretched out her arm in an invitation, and Dave scooted over to press against her side. His breaths were long and slow, trying to calm himself down. “It’s up to you.”

“No, I really do. I was excited about it.”

“Alright, then we’ll do it.” Roxy set her hands on Dave’s waist, pulling him gently up to sit on her lap. He was a little bigger than her, but very light. He was the perfect weight when she held him in her lap like this, her arms wrapped around his waist and her cheek pressed against his shoulder blade. “I’m excited too.”

Getting Dave back into regression was a process, but some cuddles, a bit of calculated tickling, and an episode of Loony Toons did the trick, and soon they were both laughing on the bed, Dave’s laughter that free and louder sound that Roxy only got to hear when he was regressed.

Both of them were startled by the knock on the door, but Roxy reacted first, pausing the show and rubbing Dave’s back to calm him down.

“What’s up?” Roxy called towards the door.

“We’re all ready in the living room whenever you want to come out!” John informed them.

“Alright!” Roxy said loudly, then turned to Dave as John’s footsteps retreated down the hallway. “Do you want to finish our episode before we go play in the living room? I brought out your lego.” Dave’s duplo lego collection was a bit ridiculous, but it meant that he could build a house big enough for him to fit into. Roxy stored them in a little void-pocket in one of her drawers, and pulled out the huge rubberneck containers whenever there was a special occasion. This definitely qualified.

“Lego,” Dave nodded, already moving off the bed.

“Okay,” Roxy said. “Now, remember not to shout around Dirk, okay? He’s very small.”

“No shouting for the baby!” Dave repeated at a very high volume. Roxy shrugged internally. There was only so much she could do, and Dave would probably be alright once he was actually in the same room as his older-younger-not-brother.

“That’s right, no shouting around the baby,” Roxy said encouragingly. She opened the door to the hallway, leading the way out. “Do you think you could build a house for him?”

“For both of us!” Dave said.

“Well, I don’t know if we have enough for something that big,” Roxy laughed.

“Gonna make a big house!” Dave wasn’t willing to be discouraged.

“Okay, you can see how big you can make it,” Roxy allowed. Dave was bouncing on each step, clearly mixing nerves and excitement into a desire to run into the room as quickly as possible. Roxy kept their pace slow and her footsteps audible, letting both John and Dirk adjust to the idea that they were entering the room.

As they stepped into the living room, John looked up with a smile. Dirk was huddled against his side, eyes closed and a plain white pacifier hiding his mouth.

“Dirk is sleepy, but he can doze through anything,” John told them softly. “I thought it might be nice for him to wake up to you, when he wakes up properly.” Roxy could tell that Dirk wasn’t really asleep, but it made sense that he would want to lay quietly for a while, adjusting to their presence and the way that they interacted.

“I hope he sleeps well,” Roxy said, and gave Dave a gentle nudge towards the boxes of lego that were stacked in the corner. “Do you think you can play quietly, sweetheart?”

Dave nodded and soundlessly glided over to the lego boxes. That wasn’t exactly what Roxy had meant, but he didn’t seem to have been jostled out of regression by the request, so it was probably alright. Triggering requests usually made Dave age up faster than anything, so his calm unpacking of the lego was a sign that he was still regressed, despite the absolutely silent movements that usually showed his discomfort as an adult.

“Dave is determined to make a big house for him and the baby,” Roxy told John. “He’s very good at lego.”

“Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun!” John swivelled his head to watch Dave start sorting the pieces from the box, quiet and methodical, glancing over to Roxy every few moments. Roxy kept her eye on him and offered a proud smile every time he checked in with her. “Dave, do you think I could help with that? I’m a big fan of lego myself.”

“If you’re quiet,” Dave said in a hushed voice.

“We don’t need to be too quiet,” John laughed. “Dirk really can sleep through anything.” He placed a fond kiss on the top of Dirk’s hair, and then carefully extracted himself, guiding Dirk’s head to rest on one of the couch cushions. John murmured something against his cheek and then moved away, letting Dirk curl up into himself a bit more, the pacifier shifting in his mouth. “I think you’re doing a good job so far, though.” He squeezed Roxy’s shoulder on his way by, kneeling down beside Dave’s boxes of lego when he reached them. “You give the orders! What can I do to help?”

Dave scanned John up and down, the only sign of his discomfort the pattern of his fingers tapping against each other over and over again. “You can get all the big blue pieces and make them into a wall,” he said eventually, pushing the box between them. “No holes.”

“Can do!” John said enthusiastically, diving into the box with gusto. Roxy chuckled, moving over to sit in one of the chairs and watch. Some things never changed, and one of them was John’s adoration for Dave, clearly. She watched them build together, Dave eventually falling into John’s rhythms and becoming louder, laughing and even knocking over one of the walls on purpose to make John fake a pout at having to start again.

“Play nice, Dave!” she called over, when it was clear that he was considering doing it again. Dave aimed a little frown at her, but settled down and continued his own building.

Roxy settled back in her chair, considering picking up some water from the kitchen. Dave always forgot to keep hydrated as an adult, so Roxy tried to keep a sippy cup always in his reach when he was regressing at her house, but she had left it in the bedroom. She shifted, ready to offer John a drink while she was going to the kitchen, when she noticed that Dirk’s eyes were open and fixed on her.

Roxy froze. She could see the swirling orange of his eyes, the way his long lashes framed them, the angles of his face somehow softer without the sunglasses he wore every day. She felt afraid of the intimacy in meeting those eyes, overwhelmed by a surge of panic that she couldn’t trace to a concrete thought.

“John,” she called, trying to hide her panic. “Dirk is awake.” John immediately extracted himself from the lego with Dave, leaving the regressor with an affectionate hair-tousle that made Dave scowl. He trotted over to the couch and knelt down beside Dirk to give him an over-dramatic set of kisses on his cheek.

“Did you enjoy your nap?” John asked, nuzzling his nose against Dirk’s. Dirk’s eyes fell closed as he laughed, the pacifier garbling the sound. He wrapped his arms around John’s neck, pulling him closer, and John obediently scooped Dirk into his arms.

Roxy found she couldn’t watch the display, feeling too much like an intruder. She bounced to her feet as quietly as she could, trying not to interrupt, and made her way over to Dave, who was entirely focused on the lego house he was making. It was coming along quickly, the bigger lego blocks fitting together into simple blocky structures. Two walls of the house were almost finished, with one featuring a gap for a window. It looked like each wall was going to be a different colour, and the one that Dave was finishing was a bright green.

“I’m fetching your sippy from my room,” Roxy told Dave. “Do you want me to get Rexatorius while I’m in there?” Rexatorius was not in fact a t-rex, but a brontosaur: both of them enjoyed the name anyways.

“Yes, please.” Dave was very polite as a child, his southern accent stretching the words out. “Can I have more juice?”

“You can! Coming right up,” Roxy told him, and headed off to the bedroom without another look at the two on the couch. She collected the dinosaur plushie and the sippy cup, tucking Rexatorius under her arm as she navigated through the living room on her way to the kitchen.

“John, do you want some water or some apple juice?” she called back into the other room.

“I’m good, thank you.”

It still shocked Roxy sometimes, how much they had all grown up. Collecting water for herself in her own kitchen, with glasses she had chosen, offering drinks to guests, having people over for a dinner party… it still felt so foreign. Being twenty-three hadn’t been something that Roxy had ever considered, always focused on making it to sixteen, always focused on making it to the game that would change everything, would save the world, would save her from the empty echoing rooms of the mansion she’d spent her childhood inside.

And here she was, a part-time mother, a part-time host, a full-time adult who was involved in politics, of all things, as well as going into her Masters in ecto-biology with multiple offers for a full-time job afterwards (thanks to their fame, all of the planet-founders were highly desired as a source of publicity and funding for whatever career they wanted to pursue). Roxy, in short, had somehow become an adult.

Roxy shook the reverie away as she rinsed the sippy cup between servings of apple juice, filled a cup of water for herself, and grabbed a bag of chips just in case anyone wanted a snack. Back in the living room, John was settled on the couch and Dirk was on the floor, playing with a wooden puzzle that was made to look like a circuit board.

“One serving of juice!” Roxy dropped it off next to Dave with a kiss and Rexatorius, patting the dino on the back before retreating. Dave could handle his own lego building, and it had never been one of Roxy’s interests. She would happily come to ooh and ahh when the building was all done.

Roxy approached John and Dirk cautiously, and John looked up to give her a smile and a wave to come join them.

“Roxy! Do you want to meet the baby?”

“I would love to.” Roxy pushed away the anticipation she had been feeling and focused on Dirk on the floor, trying to push away all the past experiences they’d had, the fights and the two am vent sessions and the ill-conceived projects they’d come up with together. She knew what regression meant to Dave, but she didn’t know what it meant to Dirk, and she needed to keep an open mind.

“Hey Dirk,” John said, getting down on his level on his hands and knees. “I want you to meet Daddy’s friend, Roxy. She’s Dave’s mom, remember? We came to visit her and Dave.” Dirk glanced up from his puzzle at Roxy, and Roxy was taken aback again by the sharpness of his eyes. There was none of the hazy contentedness of Dave’s regression. Dirk stared directly and piercingly towards Roxy’s face.

“Hi,” Roxy managed. “It’s good to meet you.” She almost held out her hand, and jerked it back. Dirk’s eyes followed the movement.

“Can you say hi to Roxy?” John prompted Dirk. Dirk shook his head, and dropped his eyes back to his puzzle. Roxy tried not to feel rejected, but her heart spasmed. “That’s okay,” John said softly, and smiled up at Roxy from the floor. “Dirk’s not so good at words,” he explained. “What about sharing your puzzle?” John asked, pointing to the piece that Dirk was holding in his hand. “Can Roxy help you?”

Dirk hesitated, nodded, and then held the piece out in Roxy’s direction without looking at her.

Somehow this motion reassured Roxy, something more akin to a shy child than Dirk’s own mannerisms when he was on edge.

“Thank you,” she said gently, accepting the piece and kneeling down. “Did your daddy get you this puzzle?” It was easy enough to find where the piece went, but she took her time looking. Dirk nodded, sucking on his pacifier with a soft sound. “He’s a pretty good daddy, huh?” Roxy smiled at John as Dirk nodded more enthusiastically.

Dirk picked up another piece and held it close as he surveyed the puzzle. Roxy gave him the time to figure it out, and he eventually pushed it into the right place. He picked up another piece and pushed it into Roxy’s hands again.

“Thank you!” She took the piece from him and hummed thoughtfully as she pretended to search for the right place. “Does it go here?” She put it in the wrong place, and nodded with satisfaction. Dirk laughed and shook his head. “No? Are you sure?” Dirk picked up the puzzle piece and slotted it into the right place, still laughing.

“Oh!” Roxy hit her forehead. “Why didn’t I see that?”

Dirk rolled his eyes at her, but he was still laughing.

“I know,” Roxy nodded. “I’m a silly mom, I can’t help it.”

“G’d mmm,” Dirk muttered, his voice quiet and slurred by the pacifier.

“Sorry, sweetheart, what?” Roxy leaned closer, trying to hear him, but Dirk only shook his head emphatically and picked up a new piece of the puzzle, fitting it into place with none of his earlier hesitation.

“He said you’re a good mom,” John interpreted, rubbing Dirk’s back with a calming motion that Roxy recognized from using it with Dave herself.

“Aww!” Roxy pressed her palms to her cheeks, grinning. “I hope that Dave agrees with you.”

Dave’s voice came as if on cue, from over the couch. “Moooom!”

“On my way!” Roxy called back, more softly. She didn’t want to scare Dirk, who was leaning into John’s touch and closing his eyes. She rose to her feet, automatically helping herself with her god-tier weightlessness as she pushed herself upwards. Dave was standing by his house, which had three walls finished. “What’s wrong, baby?” Roxy drew closer, and Dave threw himself into her arms, wrapping his arms around her.

“Don’t go,” he whispered into her shoulder, and Roxy could feel him shaking slightly.

“Oh, no, honey.” Roxy wrapped her arms back around Dave, squeezing him against her. “I’m not going anywhere, I’m your mom. I wouldn’t leave you for the world.”

“I could hear you and you were gone,” Dave protested, curling tighter into her arms.

“I was just visiting the others, over by the couch,” Roxy told him, rocking slightly to comfort him. “Not gone, never gone.”

“I thought…” Dave trailed off, derailing into a mumble that Roxy couldn’t make out, despite her experience with Dave’s rambles.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Roxy soothed. “I love you so much, and I always will. I’ll always be your mom.”

“My mom?” Dave echoed.

“Yes, honey, your mom.” She cupped Dave’s cheek to tilt his face up for a forehead kiss. “No one else’s.”

“Okay.” Dave seemed to have calmed down quite a bit, but he was still holding tight to Roxy.

“Do you want to work more on your house?” Roxy cast an eye over the work Dave had done so far. “Or do you want to meet Dirk?”

“Dunno.” Dave rocked back and forth slightly in Roxy’s lap.

“Well, why don’t you come say hi? You can go straight back to your lego after that, if you’d like.” Dave nodded.

“Okay.”

Roxy helped Dave to his feet, keeping her hands on his and helping him stay upright when he was standing. He wasn’t always clumsy when he regressed, but it was usually a surprise to both of them when he had trouble walking, so she tried to be careful.

“Follow me, sweetheart.” She led Dave over to the carpet, glancing over to see that Dirk was twirling his fingers into the mane of a horse plushie, John singing a soft lullaby. John looked up when they walked in, but Dirk kept his eyes on his twirling fingers.

“Dirk?” Dave said quietly.

Dirk’s back stiffened and then he let out a breath and turned, blinking up at Dave.

Dave’s eyes widened and Roxy could practically see his excitement take over from nerves. Dirk looked quieter and unthreatening without his glasses, his plain white onesie and his long lanky pale limbs curled up against John’s chest.

“Hi!” Dave gushed, dropping to sit beside John and Dirk before glancing up at John and Roxy for approval. Roxy smiled warmly at him, and John nodded and shifted his grip on Dirk so that he was facing out towards Dave more. “I’m Dave!”

“…” Dirk looked at him for a long second, then hid his face behind the horse plushie he was holding.

“You’re a baby, but I’m really old,” Dave told Dirk seriously. “I’m gonna build us a lego house to live in.” Dirk raised his head again, smiling around the pacifier, and Dave smiled back. It was strange for Roxy, to see the instinct-driven space that Dave lived in, that she understood so well, and the difference between him and Dirk. Dirk was so clearly not as regressed, still cautious and deliberate. Maybe this was just him getting used to a new space? Or maybe this really was how he regressed. Or maybe this was how he’d been when he was a baby, making his way around his home in the middle of the ocean.

“Good job, Dave,” Roxy praised, resting a hand on his head. “Be gentle with your little brother.” She knew from talking with John that Dirk reacted well to being reminded that he was supposed to be small, regressed, a baby without responsibilities. Dave was very passionate about being a ‘big boy’ and pushed his limits further than Roxy would like. Another difference between them.

“Do you want to hold him?” John offered, cradling Dirk’s head against his shoulder gently.

Dave glanced back at Roxy, eyes wide. She could tell that he was intrigued but uncertain.

“I would love to,” Roxy said, knowing the question had been directed at both of them. “Why don’t I carry him to the couch, and you can sit with us, Dave? I can read you both a story, how about that?”

“Yeah.” Dave bobbed his head, subdued.

Roxy knelt in front of her two friends, smiling fondly at John and the tender way he handled Dirk. “May I?”

“Of course.” John guided her hands, one under Dirk’s knees and the other cradling his neck. Roxy had carried Dirk before, mostly out of his workshop before John had started taking over the task of disrupting Dirk’s manic work episodes. He had never been so unclothed, her skin touching his as she lifted him into her arms and settled him against her chest.

Dirk wasn’t light, thin but muscled. The only reason Roxy could lift him with ease was because she was taller than him, much to his ill-hidden annoyance when he’d first met her in person. He was the shortest of the eight of them, with Rose a close second.

Roxy looked down at Dirk as she carried him carefully towards the couch, and was surprised again to find him watching her. She smiled gently, even though his eyes were piercing.

“Hello,” she cooed. “Did you like meeting Dave?” The boy in question was following behind them, craning his neck to look at Dirk over Roxy’s shoulder. “He was so excited to have a baby brother.” Roxy shifted her weight back and forth, bouncing Dirk slightly in her arms as she reached the couch. “You are very sweet, I see why your daddy talks about you so much.”

That got a reaction: Dirk’s eyes crinkled, and an unfamiliar burbling laugh came from behind his pacifier.

Roxy gasped. “And adorable too! I should have known your daddy wouldn’t lie about that.” She turned around and settled on the couch, making sure Dirk wasn’t jostled by the movement as she settled him in her lap. Dave climbed up beside her and clung to her arm, wrapping both hands around her left hand and trying to pull it off Dirk’s back.

“Careful, Dave,” Roxy said. “Dirk needs a lot of support when I’m holding him, he’s only a baby.” Dave frowned, but let go of her hand and let Roxy arrange Dirk more properly, his head leaning against her chest and leaving her left hand free to hold Dave’s hand.

“John,” Roxy called. John had been sitting on the floor with Dirk’s toys, beaming quietly as he watched them move to the couch.

“Yes, Roxy?” he called back.

“I think these boys have my hands occupied, would you mind reading us a story?”

“But of course!” John got to his feet and came over, standing in front of them with his hands on his hips. He really did have some proper dad energy, especially with the light stubble that he’d allowed to grow on his cheeks and chin. “What kind of book should we read?”

“Pigeon!” Dave shouted.

Roxy could feel Dirk flinch in her arms.

“Indoor voice, sweetheart,” Roxy told Dave quietly, stroking Dave’s arm and rocking Dirk back and forth to sooth them both. Two kids was a lot of work: she was very glad that she wasn’t a mother to both of them. Even if Dirk was very sweet, and she wouldn’t mind babysitting once in a while. She was sure that John felt the same about Dave: the two of them seemed to have had a lot of fun building the lego together. “Don’t scare the baby.”

Dirk relaxed again at those words, and Roxy held him a little closer. It was unexpectedly intimate, this age. John had talked about diapers and how they both felt like it brought them closer together, but even the experience of holding Dirk while he was this vulnerable felt dangerous, like touching a live wire, yet insanely comfortable at the same time. Where the two feelings met was what Roxy thought of as intimacy.

John was still standing in front of them, and Roxy realized that she would have to tell him what Dave meant.

“It’s on the second shelf under the TV, far right,” she said. “Don’t let the pigeon drive the bus. Have you read it?”

“We don’t read very much,” John shrugged as he went for the shelf and started flipping through kid’s books. “We have a couple board books and Dr. Seuss but Dirk prefers TV before bed instead of a story.”

“I’m not allowed TV before bed,” Dave said accusatorily, and John glanced at Roxy with clear panic.

“That’s because Dirk’s daddy doesn’t take care of you,” Roxy said. “I wouldn’t allow Dirk any TV before bed either, but his daddy gets to decide that.”

Dave thought that over for a bit.

“Can John be my babysitter maybe?” he suggested. “And then I could watch TV before bed?”

“We’ll talk about it sometime,” Roxy laughed. “He’s got his own little one to look after, just like I have you. But if you’re having a good time, we’ll try to get together more.”

“Yeah!” Dave settled onto the couch properly as John came back with the requested book held in both hands. “More time with Dirk and John is good.”

“I agree,” said Roxy, resting her cheek against Dirk’s soft hair as John flipped to the first page and prepared to start reading. “It’s nice to have a bit of company.”

#agere fanfiction #homestuck agere #fandom agere #agere writing #this is one i've had on file for a while! i've read it often when i need an energy boost #regressor!striders is still my favourite agere content ^-^#anyways it took me a while to edit it!#cglre terminology #my fics #my writing #homestuck #tw kink mention #kink mention

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bloomyn · 3 years

Text

phonetics ; kagami taiga

pairing: kagami taiga x f!reader

wc: 2.2k

synopsis: there’s something about three syllable sentences that worm their way into your heart.

featuring; minor unrequited love, grammar, other girls that aren’t you, bad characterization, a whole lot of being dumb, and a happy ending

-> i wrote this in two hours during my peer tutoring class please don’t murder me; i saw .5 seconds of him during the netflix trailer and busted the phattest emotional nut

This is how your story begins

You’re five and on the top of a slide, it’s sticky with sweat and electric on your skin but you can’t go down, not yet. There is no way you’re going to give the kid behind you the satisfaction, not until he says please.

“Say. it.” you demand, your hands gripping the side of the slide tighter. the space between his eyebrows scrunch together, like an inchworm, the type you learned about in class only a few days ago. “just say it. it’s not that hard. only one syllable.”

Your mother would scold you for that sass, but she’s too far away to hear and quite frankly too far to see your current predicament.

“No. see, that’s one syllable.”

And yes you know that violence is never the way, (that’s also what you learned about at your school, the same day as the inchworms), and that maybe there is a verbal way to resolve this agreement, but the thing is, your five year old brain is tired of using words. and so this is the part where you resort to fists, tiny fingers that gripped the side of the slide ball up slowly and then.

The sky is down. down? and no your hands aren’t on the slide they’re trying to brace your fall from down the slide and all you can see is a muddled red face before you hit the ground crying.

→

Here’s the thing about parks, technically, technically, their public property. So that means, technically, technically, just about anyone can show up and play. It’s terrible. It’s especially terrible when the only person on the playground to play with is also the one that pushed down the slide (quite aggressively! you might add) only a week ago. If there was ever any violent tendencies that lay dormant in those tiny hands of yours they might as well have been awakened.

But instead of fighting, or attempting to fight, someone who looks like they could be the kids mother ushers said kid in your direction.

and instead of a “No.” being spit in your direction you get an,

“I’m sorry. Three syllables, see. I said it.”

and a hesitant hug, awkward and gangly.

And so it begins.

→

“If you’re going to be stupid like this I’m going to stop showing up.” you sigh, taking a seat on the bench, cringing at the scent of sweat and rubber. Beside you, a messy bundle of red hair lays splayed on the hard metal, a rough hand wiping the sweat out of his face. “Hello, is Kagami home? Or do I really have to stop showing up till you remember you need me. ”

A groan leaves his chapped lips and an arm extends across your lap. “ Did you bring it at least?”

You surrender the plastic bag, watching the steam rising from his body melt the ice. It’s disgustingly sensual and for a split second you can almost imagine what the girls interested in him think. Unfortunately they’ve never seen him like you have, bloody noses and sweat, black stains from the court staining his dirty clothes, and just going through middle school in general. It sends shivers up your arms. Gross. He pushes himself backwards, lifting his head up onto the hem of your skirt.

“You’re just so sweaty, all the time.” you sigh, wiping a handkerchief across his forehead.

The sight of the two of you is one to behold.

It’s always been to Kagami at least, which is a surprise considering that the only things he really cares to look at anymore is game highlights and illicit magazines that he really only gets away with buying because of his height. To be fair it’s not like he really reads the magazines anyway, not without getting distracted, not without the guilt that comes with thinking of you, during, ah, certain periods of time. He’s gross, he knows, and here you are, walking a mile in the summer heat because his ankle was too dead to get ice and there’s no one to watch #2 if he leaves. (fucking Kuroko he swears)

He can see the soft outline of your jaw like this, laying down. He can see the way your tongue casually glosses over your lips and and the way it seems like you're blinking in slow motion, he can see your lashes gently brush your face when you blink. It’s a goddamn sickness.

Now usually, when this happens, when this wave of amorous nausea fills his head he does what he’s best at, absolutely destroying the court. But in the few steam filled moments between his attempt to get up and realizing he has to get up or he might vomit hearts all over the floor, you’ve already pressed the palm of your hand into his shoulder.

“Don’t think you can get up, stupid. Your ankle looks like a purple yam for goodness sakes. Gross. ”

He’ll hold onto the spare bit of affection in your words till you give him more, which you will, because you’re like this. Stubborn and loving, and always seemingly annoyed with him. He won’t mind, he never does.

→

It’s not until the end of third year that he realizes he does, he does mind. He minds all the damn time now.

“Don’t complain now that I’m not giving you all my attention,” you had scolded, “You’re the one with a girlfriend Ka-chan.”

“You don’t even bring me ice anymore!”

A shitty retort indeed but, true nonetheless.

“Kagami,” you had warned, “It might not be a great idea for me to bring you stuff anymore. Think about your girlfriend! How is she going to feel, another woman bringing her boyfriend what he needs.”

There was no response back this time. In his defense, Lisa hated the smell of basketball, “it sticks to you!”

Which he thought she might’ve considered before confessing but, semantics. There was nothing wrong with Lisa, she might’ve been everything he looked for in a woman. Hot, decently smart, very, very good looking on his arm, and she loved the attention too. Except her lips were too sticky, and she hated the smell of the gym, and he could go on and on making up petty excuses because she wasn’t the one who demanded that he say “please” on the playground.

(He’s just picky!) His brain argues!

It takes three more girls until he realizes they’re not you.

→

There is a brief moment in time where you fall for Kagami Taiga. There is a moment so small it slivers past you in the form of iced plastic bags and steaming windows in the gym. But the moment isn’t so small that no one around you notices. It isn’t so small when your best friend goes through three different girlfriends in a moment that doesn’t even make it through a set of nails. Not one nail chips.

It’s an odd moment. Only, at the end of this moment, there is no return to normalcy, there is no getting over it, there is another one waiting for you to leave those chipped nails and iced plastic bags behind.

It starts with praise and glimmer pop of jealousy.

→

“Absolutely not.”

“ You can’t argue an opinion you can’t even have, Taiga.” It comes out nastier than you want and you kick yourself for it. He catches it, the grimace waiting on your face and the quiver in your eye. The two of you are waning, stuck to your respective places in his living room, movie paused. There is a chance you will cry, but a more realistic chance that this will end in useless fight, that the aching silence between the two of you will become your shield against a barrage of his angry glares.

This might be the only chance you ever feel what it’s like when he’s in the zone, except you're not a five man team (with subs) , you’re a teenage girl with goddamn feelings. It’s the playground all over again, but this time you won’t be pushed.

“He’s a fucking player.” his voice raises at the end and the tense in your calf sharpens. “He’s a disgusting shitty haired player, how are you being so stupid right now?”

By the time he’s done he’s yelling. The two of you have argued sure, but never... not like this.

“I’m allowed to be dumb sometimes!” you breathe, “ Look at you Taiga, how you are not the same as him? It takes you weeks, days, to get a new girl. How in the world are you even qualified to be talking to me about this.”

It takes half a second for his eyes to narrow, sharper than his looks and for a moment you stagger back. It takes even less time for you to grab your bag and leave.

You’re not angry, not for the right reason. This boyfriend is going to end in heartbreak, it’s a given, even Kagami knows this. But you can’t help yourself, this might only be a blip in time, it won’t matter in a year right? It won’t matter when Kagami finds himself wrapped around another girl, too busy to even remember what day of the week it is.

And it kills you.

You’re killing him.

There is never a moment where everything is clear, unless he’s playing one on one, but this isn’t him versus you. This is him versus himself, a freaky nightmare he only dreamt about in middle school; and you’re not someone he wins by dunking on. It’s the type of win where he has to lose a little bit of something too. The type of win that he’s been avoiding.

→

Your house has been the same for years, flower boxes on the front porch, a few twigs on the lawn, less than a thousand steps from his own place, somewhere he could sleep walk to. It’s never bothered you, he was your best friend, how could you complain about living so close?

Well, you’re complaining now.

“I’m sorry.”

His eyes are drilling into the ground, fingers fidgeting like a boy, like a child who’s never had to say sorry before. Even so, you love him, so you relent, allowing yourself to lean on the doorway, absolutely oozing casually (ty?) (ness?) You can’t think.

“Three syllables. Thanks.”

The visible sigh of relief warms your achy breaky heart and absolutely tears into your soul. The grip on your heart he holds falls loose, unveiling the mismatched pieces that you’ve been forcing together for years. And for a moment you feel weak to it.

“ You should,” he starts, gnawing on his bottom lips this time, “be with who you want. So, I’m sorry.”

It’s exasperating, but even if it is, Kagami Taiga is the most stubborn man you know so these words no doubt are being pulled out like teeth and you love him all the same.

→

To Kagami’s surprise (and disappointment), a year later you are still quite in love with the man you call your boyfriend. But to his own sick delight, the two of you are fighting (again).

“So you’re here.”

You nod, pushing the door to his bedroom open and slipping yourself under his covers. If he was anyone but himself he might’ve looked down, seen what was going on and promptly collapsed onto his knees. But, willpower is a strong suite of his (thank god), so he takes a seat on the foot of the bed.

“ Kagami, you can say it.” you mumble from beneath his covers. At your words his eyebrows scrunch and his knuckles tighten around the blanket. You’re not provoking him, just asking for the honesty he carries on his shoulders.

“Ah, well.”

You shift the blanket off, propping yourself against the headboard. It’s only then that he can see the old tear tracks down your face.

“ I’m glad you’re here ya know. With me. Here.”

The last part is a whisper, one you catch.

One you can only sigh with.

“ You can’t say that Kagami.”

“It’s true.”

It feels like a lifetime has passed by the time you gather the courage to look up at him, up at those deep red eyes that give away every emotion that passes through him. You don’t think can hurt you, not anymore than he has. Not with the hands that have held you up and stuck bandages on your knees and not with the heart that cared for you so deeply. He wouldn’t dare.

But the sun is setting between the two of you, and the radiant glow only illuminates your features. You have to remember that he is only man, only human, and humans are easily seduced into stupid things by the sun.

“ I love you.”

The delicate words aren’t voluntary, nor are they forced. It’s the space inbetween that pushes someone in the right direction, whether they know it or not.

“ Three syllables Taiga.”

He watches you untangle yourself from the bed and take your place beside him. Carefully, he drops his hand in your lap, palms up and clammy. Slowly, you place your hand in his, taking up the space between his fingers.

“Four syllables. That’s what you get.” you shake, squeezing his fingers.

It takes him about two seconds to understand what you mean.

And he does.

→

#knb x reader #kagami x reader #kagami taiga x reader #kagami taiga scenario #kagami scenario #taiga x reader #did u miss me #knb scenarios #knb fic #knb fluff

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smhalltheurlsaretaken · 3 years

Note

First I gotta say that I love you and your work, it's incredible and I enjoy every post✨

My brother said that Qui-Gon and Luke are grey jedi and that Luke has a red lightsaber as backup or something like that. And I'm looking at him with mad side eye and just wanted to ask your opinion on it?

❤️❤️❤️ Aaaaaw, so sweet!!!!

... Wait, Luke has a red lightsaber? *furious typing* Ah, yes. It’s in like three Legends books, and therefore worthless.

Just kidding - but here lies the first problem. What continuity is your brother even working with? Because you cannot - and I will die on this hill even though it’s just basic common sense, cannot - attempt to reconcile the Legends EU and Lucas’ vision for Star Wars into one cohesive universe. The characters don’t work, the themes don’t work, the timelines don’t work, the ideas don’t work.

Here is a bit of an explanation on why I believe that to be the case, and the quotes backing it up, but basically, Lucas, Filoni and LucasFilms all confirmed that the extended universe was not to be considered on par with the movies and TCW in any way. I’m not saying this to criticize the EU itself, or to say people don’t have a right to find it immensely entertaining/meaningful. I’m saying this to explain why you cannot take pieces of the EU (yes, even the old EU) to try and contextualize the movies - unless Lucas/somebody on the creative team of a piece of ‘higher’ canon expressly admitted to having taken something directly out of Legends.

Now, is there such a thing as a “Grey Jedi” in the movies, or TCW? No, there isn’t, but we’ll come back to that.

The second problem is the very definition of Grey Jedi. Depending on who you ask, what decades-old Legends book you go on from, Grey Jedi are either individuals capable of using both the Dark and the Light, or simply rogue Jedi.

Breaking it down case by case: I - Are Luke or Qui-Gon rogue Jedi? II - Do Luke or Qui-Gon use both the Light and the Dark?

I (A) - Qui-Gon is characterized as a bit of maverick, but he is by no means a complete outlier to the Jedi. I’ll just drop these two very interesting posts here and here that are a bit off-topic but make some great points about Qui-Gon loving the Order and definitely identifying as part of it. We get many, many instances of the Council itself approving of him. They overrule Yoda’s vote to not have Anakin trained, they still assign Qui-Gon very important missions like the one to Naboo, and they don’t pull him out of said missions when Qui-Gon shows up with a random kid he claims to be the incarnation of the Force itself. That is indicative of a high degree of trust, to say the least - so you can say that he is ‘rogue’ in the sense that he used to eff off to wherever to do his own stuff, but he never claimed to be anything other than a Jedi, he never left the Jedi, and he never criticized the Order in the movies or TCW (yes, you can check - he never once directly says anything about them being wrong for not doing things his way; just that he will do what he feels he must.)

"Tu-Anh was something of a maverick. Much like my own master, Qui-Gon Jinn. She would disappear for long periods, conducting rogue investigations. Her activities often unknown to even the Council." ―Obi-Wan Kenobi, to Jen June on Tu-Ahn[src]

So yeah, rogue somewhat, but still a Jedi Master, trusted to the point that they would have had him on the Council had he chilled a bit.

He also never does anything in the movies that sets him apart as oh-so-different from his fellow Jedi. Arguing with the Council? Everybody does that. Anakin does, Obi-Wan does, Yoda does, Ahsoka does, the younglings do - they argue with Obi-Wan in the Ilum arc. Being compassionate/nice to people? Check out the Disappeared, two entire episodes that have Mace befriending Jar Jar Binks. Here’s a list of instances of the Council being incredibly nice. Here, here and here is Mace being kind and compassionate. Qui-Gon liking Anakin? Here’s the Council and Anakin bantering. Here’s Yoda caring about Anakin.

Again, Qui-Gon wanted Anakin trained as a Jedi, and trusted his straight(er)-laced Jedi Padawan with it in the end. There is nothing in the movies or the show saying Qui-Gon was completely separate from the Order, or in radical opposition to them.

I (B) - Luke is the Order reborn, so he cannot be rogue, as the only thing he can measure himself against is himself. There is no longer a standard to be rogue in comparison to. Considering the state of the galaxy when he becomes a Jedi, Luke simply cannot function in the same way the Jedi who came before him did, but that doesn’t say anything about a rejection of the values of the PT Order. What it means to be a Jedi - being kind and compassionate, being in control of yourself, seeking peace before violence - is embodied by Luke. Furthermore, Luke loves Yoda and Obi-Wan - the quintessential Jedi characters - deeply, and finds much of his identity in being a Jedi.

“I am a Jedi, like my father before me” would be a really weird line if Luke actually meant “but like, not a Jedi like those Jedi. I’m a me-Jedi. A not-like-them-Jedi.”

I can’t make this into a Luke meta, because it’d be too long, but I don’t get the idea that Luke could represent a rogue Jedi when, at the time of his creation, he was the one and only embodiment of an active Jedi Knight we got to see. Like, what were we supposed to compare him to to determine he was rogue/doing things ‘better’?

Luke’s story is about becoming a Jedi and getting his father to become a Jedi again as well. That story makes little narrative sense if he’s supposed to be defined in opposition to the rest of the Jedi (that, at this point in time, we didn’t know) as instead of being defined as one.

And again, the Jedi of old display just as much compassion and kindness as Qui-Gon or Luke.

II - No, Luke and Qui-Gon don’t use both the Dark Side and the Light, because that’s literally not how the Force works - and don’t take my word for it: here’s Lucas explaining it in details. You don’t get to do both. The Dark is selfishness. You can’t be selfish and selfless and the same time. You can’t crave power and holding innocent people’s lives as more important than even your own.

The words “light side” were never uttered in the movies and only really appear in the Mortis arc, and I dare anyone to claim they truly understand everything about it beyond “it’s a microcosm of the Galaxy/the whole Star Wars saga.” The Jedi never claim adherence to a “light side,” they say they seek balance. The idea that balance is 50% evil and 50% good is baffling to me and I blame the SWTOR video games and their in-game mechanics. (Look, if I pour 50% poison into my sugar when I’m making a cake, everybody is still dead in the end. And if I slaughter only half of the people I’ve got it for and forgive the other half, I’m still creating that many circles of hatred and revenge.)

Finally - if Luke or Qui-Gon were meant to be “Grey Jedi” Lucas would have called them that. It’s not the case. It’s not anywhere in the movies or TCW, hence, it’s not what he intended. They can be interpreted this way, but it’s still not what the movies where trying to say.

#ask #heckadopelady #qui-gon jinn #luke skywalker #grey jedi #meta #my meta #long post

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mc-critical · 3 years

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Hi darling, Idk if you talked about this before, but what do you think about Rumeysa (Mustafa's concubine)? Do you think they planned to make her Mustafa's wife untill the actress was changed? And also, if she would've become his wife, how do you think she'd act in comparison to how Mihrunnisa (queen) acted? We didn't really see a lot of her but I wanted to know what do you believe they wanted to do with her character

Hey, dear! 🤗 No, I haven't talked about Rumeysa in here. I'll cover the S03 one and the S04 one separately, because in practice, they're both very different characters.

I strongly dislike S03 Rumeysa as a character, to be brutally honest. She goes all good, nice and innocent, when secretly she's sneaky and even manipulative in order to fulfill her goals. The thing that annoys me the most is not necessarily her fixation on Mustafa and how she wants to get him, because after all, it's a harem and everyone wants to get him, but how nearly inexplicable her whole motivation is, in spite and outside of that.

I feel Rumeysa's arc could be split in two almost separate halves - her set-up in the harem (pre-E93) and her as a favorite in the harem. (post-E93). The most interesting things about her were precisely her set-up and backstory. The way she was sent to the harem, the way she was tied to signora Gabriella, the way both of them were about to reunite and when that happened, Rumeysa was just confused more than anything... The idea of sisters finding each other within these harem walls was fascinating, but that was seemingly dropped. I feel even from this point on that the show tried to make a case of a person who's been long in the harem and has lost the touch of a free life to the point of being afraid to leave, but her confusion on the signora and her refusal to go with her was the only part they pulled off. (not to mention they executed that concept much better with Sümbül!) Then begins the second half of her arc that went in another direction the writers didn't succeed to make me get. I didn't get why she wanted Mustafa so much. She said she wanted and appreciated Mustafa a lot and that was why she wanted to leave and this trainwreck began all of a sudden! That doesn't make any sense! She had no (or at least not pivotal) scenes with Mustafa before E93, she neither experienced a desire to get Mustafa, nor was it shown to the audience in any way before the convenient moment. Her build-up was never about Mustafa before then. Her arc was never about Mustafa before then. And yet Mustafa became the center of her character, to the point it's as if they were like: "let's have another woman for Mustafa, but this time with an even more overexaggerated you might think it was Turhan Hürrem-esque arc, so we can make her his full on woman!". She was paving her way through sneaky methods to the point of hypocrisy for no reason, she didn't even have much of a threat, either. Ayşe Hatun put pressure on her once in a while, but it felt understandable when she had a child from Mustafa and that, Rumeysa started acting this confident just like that. I get that in the harem you have to be sorta like that in order to survive, etc., but with Rumeysa that wasn't enough of a motivation! She seemed just fine under Mahidevran and taking care of Nergisşah before then, she could calm people down, what happened? And notice how in the second part of her arc these scenes were lowered to the minimum, or recontextualized, at the very least, so you can't buy anything with her anymore.

But wait, what if she always wanted Mustafa when she arrived? Then every moment of kindness she has shown, even to the little child, becomes even worse in retrospect, because it would either just suit her interest, either become a jarring contrast with what she has shaped up to be. But wait actually, that effect is achieved even without her arc being split in two halves! I would've sympathized with her much more if there was some additional motivation, like everyone else basically, but honestly, the harem excuse is all we could use with her and in her case, that just doesn't suffice, especially for such a big shift in storylines. And then after building up to a halvet, we had the halvet and it was over and left me very unsatisfied. (okay, that's probably because of the actress, but still)

She was screwed up spectacularly at best and downright horrible at worst. Her early concept was way too good to be left out like that and since that leaving out was maybe inevitable for the writers, they had to do this transition better and have the first half of the arc be focused on Rumeysa, as well as Gabriella, instead of making this whole line with her being Gabriella's sister she was searching for more of a plot twist than an organic build-up, because Gabi was the one click baited to want Mustafa! This character ended up being defined by her goal she was trying to fulfill and nothing else, not any redeeming quality whatsoever.

I think Rumeysa was the least suited woman for Mustafa, yes, even less than Fatma. Because if Fatma had some love for him and was genuinely trying to calm him down after Efsun at first, with Rumeysa we simply had steps to get him right from the start and an entire ordeal that wouldn't sit well with Mustafa. We didn't even know not only why she wanted Mustafa, but also what was it she had with Mustafa - was it love, was he just a vessel for her to rise in the hierarchy (that's probably it for me), what was next when he was all hers etc. We have no feelings, no insight here and Mustafa himself was only slightly intrigued at best. And even if she were there for the battle of the throne, she would definetly scheme even more actively than anyone else and that would seriously clash with Mustafa's desires. I don't think she would suit S03B Mustafa's level of maturity, either.

Yes, I would say S03 Rumeysa could very well be the endgame for Mustafa and become his wife if it wasn't for the actress leaving and stuff, because of how she was framed to succeed. This part of Rumeysa's arc existed in a vacuum, it was a tiny victory after a tiny victory due to sly thinking that she was always allowed to get away with somehow. Again, the way she was slowly, but surely getting her way reminded me of all the Hürrem-esque arcs in the series that did end up with these women becoming the total favourites and I wouldn't be surprised at the least if they kept that pattern of success with Rumeysa, since it was very present in her arc.

[While we're at it, I didn't get why Mahidevran believed her so much. On one hand, yes, character development, because, as seen with Mihrünnisa later, as well, Mahidevran no longer gets suspicious of the nature of these women and only intervenes when she sees a decision of Mustafa's regarding them that could potentially be dangerous for his future, coupled with the fact that Mahidevran values loyalty a lot and she has seen nothing but that with Rumeysa. But on the other hand... Mahi is usually so perceptive when it comes to women that could actually be problematic or dangerous for him and Rumeysa being the only exception then was as much character development and the chance of lowering her guard because of the calmer environment as it was.. way too convenient, since we saw Rumeysa was playing a game behind the curtain. Especially the situation when Rumeysa provoked Ayşe Hatun on purpose for Mahi and Musti to see and Mahi not listening to Ayşe or Fidan's warnings about Rumeysa, along with her fully adapting to the harem laws she was previously against and taking on her role as a Valide in Mustafa's harem, was almost like Plot Armor for Rumi similarly to how Hürrem acted accordingly when she saw SS listening to her in the candle mirror in E44, albeit in the opposite way. I view that as a clear recipe for narrative favor and I was appalled that it had to be with such a character.]

If S03 Rumeysa became his wife, I don't see her acting much like Mihrunnisa. First off, due to how her arc was framed, Ayşe Hatun would have very much stayed as an antagonist of hers (even though Rumi wouldn't view her as one in their confrontations) and would try to eliminate her in a secret, subtle and cunning way. While Rumeysa would definetly try her all to keep Mustafa safe and would try to win Mahidevran's support for the marriage the way Mihrunnisa did, Rumi would have more of an agenda of her own she would follow. I won't be surprised if she tried head down on the path to overpower them all in her influence of him, either. Mustafa and Mihrunnisa were partners more than anything, with the same ideals, aspirations and desires. They were very close in their way of thinking and how they would approach problems, that's why they had such a deep bond. S03 Rumeysa would get further and further away from Mustafa's personality as his wife and if the other S04 events are canon, she would probably indeed go and reveal Bayezid's marriage with Huricihan the moment Mustafa refused to and act herself instead.

S04 Rumeysa is barely there, but I like her a bit better. She is an entirely different character with her consistent worries for the future, her more caring and protecting nature and even Mahidevran's more "I'm fed up with all this" attitude to her. Even if we add S03 Rumeysa to the mix, we get at least more feeling out of her and what was she all about and we get some other contrasting facets of hers as a bonus: in contrast to Rumi calming Mahidevran down when Mustafa disobeyed SS's order in E91/2 (my favourite S03 Rumeysa scene, but it was also kinda ruined post-E93), now Mahidevran tells her not to worry so much. Thing is, S04 Rumeysa could very well work without S03 Rumeysa both because of the different actress and the different characterization that could only loosely recontextualize S03 Rumeysa at best, and since there was a time skip, some random concubine and favourite Mustafa slept with and she became pregnant wouldn't be out of the question at all. Yes, her death would probably have less impact that way, but nor could I ever bother with S03 Rumeysa, nor would it be weird because of her different dynamics, which made her look almost foreign in comparison. (that's not on the actress, both Rumeysas were great!) And it would be as impactful as it would've been for Mustafa and Mahidevran, because the loss of the child would be just as devastating for him and was still tied to the mirror of sin.

If S04 Rumeysa didn't die and became Mustafa's wife, I think their bond would be focused more on their future child than anything. Rumeysa would probably act similarly to S03 Ayşe Hatun, only in a more secure position, I see a lot of similarities there. I don't think their bond would be as deep, but they could have the chance to get close for a little bit. I see Rumeysa refraining from acting so much, because of her worrying for the consequences, but when that fear gets the best of her, she could take desperate measures.

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #muhtesem yuzyil #rumeysa hatun #ask #queen-deter #that's basically why S03 Rumeysa annoys me so much #actually strongly disliking her is an understatement #i may overexagerrate but she indeed is one of my least favourite characters in the show #the interesting thing is that Firuze had similar problems with her ambiguity #but not only is she an antagonist rather than one we're supposed to root for in narrative #we see her helping nature outside of her plan which helps us buy it much more and actually be a more functional contrast #unlike rumeysa #and while she was written in two halves as well i'll probably call them pre-plan of twist and post-plan of twist #the build up was slower and more detailed since it was framed as a mistery we weren't supposed to buy #so her motivations were more interesting to decipher #and she had a personality outside of the schemes that could work outside of the planning issues #rumi is more like Turhan in comparison #a much softer version ofc but still

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st0rmyskies · 2 years

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Hewwo my belovd! This amphibian hops on every question from 1-50 for the Zelda asks 💖

Toadbae I Tried but I couldn't do them all. Here's the ones I found interesting!

1. Is there a Zelda game(s) that you associate with each season or time of year?

Yes! I’m pretty sure I got TP for Christmas one year and I always associate playing that with the abysmal darkness that is winter in the northern hemisphere. Also rather theme-appropriate to the game tbh.

2. Favourite 2D title?

I haven’t played a single 2D Zelda yet.

3. Favourite incarnation of Zelda?

Ahhh that’s a hard question! OoT Zelda holds such a special place in my heart as my first Zelda, but Dusk is so gorgeous and looks like she just never smiles (love that for her), but then Tetra is such a badass, and SS Zelda is such a sweetheart, BotW Zelda has such incredible characterization and growth… I can’t choose!!

4. Least favourite entry in the series?

Gonna get my ass beat by a breakfast food for this one, but honestly?? TP. It’s the only title I didn’t immediately pick up and play through a second time. I bet I’d feel differently if I picked it up again today, though.

5. Favourite LOZ soundtrack?

If we’e going with game as a whole, absolutely BotW’s soundtrack. The beautiful melancholy of riding around Hyrule to the notes of songs half-remembered just soothes my brain, and hearing Termina’s clocktower chime in the Hyrule Castle interior theme legit made me tear up.

6. Is there a Zelda game that intimidates you/looks too hard?

Not really! Zelda titles are always super fun and challenging, but never “hard.” The only game I’ve stopped for being hard/scary was RE4.

7. Favourite dungeons?

OoT Water Temple, MM Stone Tower, SS Ancient Cistern. I love dungeons that are huge puzzles!!

9. Least favourite character in the series?

Honestly, Midna. Her redemption arc never satisfied me, but I am the type to hold a grudge.

11. Favourite Ganon characterization?

WW’s Ganondorf was the most sympathetic of his incarnations imo, he had an interesting motivation and I felt bad for him, honestly. Dude deserved better.

15. Favourite location within Hyrule?

That depends on the game, tbh. In SS, it’s the Lanayru Desert (AND the Silent Realms). Kakariko Village is usually pretty solid no matter the game.

16. Favourite location outside of/parallel to Hyrule (Termina, Lorule, Holodrum, Subrosia, the Dark World, Labrynna, the Great Sea, etc)?

On the Great Sea, the Tower of the Gods.

In Termina, Ikana Canyon.

22. Favourite incarnation of Link?

My fav Link will always be my OG, OoT/MM Link.

25. Favourite companion (Midna, Ezlo, Navi, etc)?

Honestly Fi was pretty legit. I appreciated the subtle sass.

31. Hardest dungeon played?

Back to my favs: OoT Water Temple, SS Ancient Cistern. They’re difficult to figure out but so satisfying when you do!

32. Game with the best map design?

BotW, I could literally get lost on that map for days (and I have!).

33. Do you prefer puzzles or combat?

Absolutely puzzles. Combat is just mashing buttons and timing, but the puzzles actually use my brain.

35. Game with the hardest final boss?

Demise is the only final boss who killed me MULTIPLE TIMES.

38. Creepiest enemy?

Anyone who doesn’t answer Dead Hand is lying to themselves and Hylia.

41. Favourite ocarina song?

Song of Storms.

43. Favourite transformation mask from Majora's Mask?

Obvi the Fierce Deity mask.

44. Hardest sidequest in the series?

I’m not sure this qualifies as a “sidequest” but that goddamn motherfucking asshole in SS with the carnival game that shoots you in the air can suck my dick. I never got that piece of heart. I wanted to wrap that horn around his THROAT.

45. Best sidequest in the series?

The Anju and Kafei sidequest from MM is probably the most memorable, but the fetch quests in SS were pretty fun.

50. Favourite shield?

Goddess Shield is so pretty, even if the colors make my eyes bleed just a lil.

#ask game #stormy talks

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dmclemblems · 2 years

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Unsure how you prefer Hilda in Hopes. Her entire role as the "retainer" type to Claude got replaced by Holst. It's like Hilda got shafted by her own brother in the plot. And considering how much the Deer became yes men to GW Claude, I can't imagine how you could prefer any of them to their VW versions O.O

In both games they’re the yes men to Claude, but in Hopes Hilda (and Leonie tbh) have more character to them and stray from their one note qualities (laziness and Jeralt respectively).

Also, in Hopes Hilda does voice her concerns and disagreements with Claude. In particular, she doesn’t really like the new setup with the whole “Federation” or him being their king. He makes choices she openly isn’t content with. She also gets upset when Claude won’t rely on his friends and won’t tell them anything. There’s more to her as a person than the lazy girl who is afraid of failure. When she talks to Shez, she expresses discomfort in her friends being at the front lines instead of just insisting she personally doesn’t want to be at the front lines.

They could’ve gone in circles with her whole “I don’t want to disappoint people”, but they gave her more than that and they also gave us a clearer relationship with her and Holst (and with Balthus). Hilda doesn’t really lose her retainer spot to Holst because Hilda is the person who is always there for Claude in all the routes. Even in SB, you’ve either recruited or killed the other Golden Deer and all that’s left with Claude is Hilda. You don’t see Holst there consoling him for all their losses, but Hilda. When the pact gets made with the Empire, you see Holst there, and when there’s a meeting with Claude and Edelgard, they bring Hilda and Hubert respectively (to which Hubert asks her if she has anything to add and says she’s just there because Claude is).

Her supports also gave more substance to her as a character than the ones she had in Houses. I felt more of a person in those conversations and didn’t just expect the same old rehashed conversation from her.

When it comes to preferring characterization over Houses, I definitely prefer Hilda and Leonie in Hopes. Saying I prefer Hopes Lorenz is pushing it, but more that I prefer the way they handled him in Hopes and removed a whole lot of the canonical memeing on him while also making him also take a chunk of the spotlight in GW and being the absolute top tier voice of reason who was basically the only thing that made the second half of the route even tolerable for me. He’s also written more as a person and less as “funny haircut” guy to be made fun of. His personality is the same as in Houses, but they treated him more like an actual character/person in Hopes.

Between the two of them, Hopes also had more to build upon from pre-existing characters and relationships. In Houses I really didn’t care for Hilda at all either way but found myself more annoyed than not. In Hopes it was easier to see her as a person rather than just “here comes the same old conversation again”.

#DCE Ask

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a-womans-rhetoric · 3 years

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Natalie Wynn's "J.K. Rowling" and Disruptive use of Women's Rhetorical Tropes: A Defiant Reply to Transmisogyny

ContraPoints, surrounded by an opulent, candle-lit set and adorned in witch's garb, leisurely pours champagne into her glass — she's ready to breach the internet's hottest topic of January, 2021: her childhood idol being outed as a transphobe (link here). The video itself being over an hour and a half long, I would be hard-pressed to claim that I could ever hope to cover its entirety, comprehensively, in a single post. So to save-face, I'll be dedicating this space only to breaking down her most frequently used rhetorical tropes, one by one.

Irreverence

"Joanne, I wanna talk to you, Joanne! [Fans herself with a rainbow paper fan with the word "BIOLOGICAL" written across it] What is it about Joannes? I can't catch a break from these people" (00:23-00:29, emphasis added).

Wynn's introductory lines immediately open a dialogue with J.K. Rowling — however, this invitation of discourse is defiantly "irreverent" (reminiscent of Nomy Lamm's punk-feminist style in "It’s a Big Fat Revolution” (1995)). Contrapoints, herself a transgender woman, is aware that her very existence is considered in opposition to the TERF-ideology that Rowling subscribes to. Thus, she's rather playful — even openly disrespectful — with her diction: calling the British author by her first name in a mocking-tone and flaunting her own trans identity to the camera (in a way that would likely offend the fragile sensibilities of a transphobe). Her personal tone (with ample use of the pronoun "I") servers a duplicitous purpose: a simultaneous message of "sit down and listen" and a fair degree of "I don't care if you can't accept me."

"So, now that 2020 is finally over, I think we can let the record conclusively show that it was a year whomst is bad. And on top of everything else going on, truly the last thing we needed was the author of Harry Potter coming forward to announce there's two things she can't stand: bigotry, and the transgenders. (00:31 - 00:50, emphasis added).

Finally broaching the subject at hand directly, Wynn employs kairos alongside her irreverence. Kairos, or the rhetorical use of an "opportune moment," holds incredible weight in the first month after 2020: the year in which the whole world fell into a stasis. Characterizing Rowling's transphobia as a collective "the last thing we needed," is also rather dismissive — she unites herself with her audience with the pronoun "we" and invites us all to groan at the exasperating nature of Rowling's bigotry.

Claiming the Right to Speak / Personal Experience

"This is a painful topic for me all around because, as a transgender woman, I am honestly really hurt by a lot of the things Joanne has said in the last year. But I also know what it's like to be the target of a Twitter mob" (01:36-01:47).

As she begins to touch on the topic, Natalie Wynn claims the right to speak on the issue of Rowling's transphobia — a type of bigotry that directly effects her. However, Wynn also situates herself partially with Rowling in her acknowledgement that receiving Twitter backlash is a terrifying experience (an experience, she argues, that the human brain is not prepared to handle the scale of, 01:49-02:39). In treating her subject with such dignity — and adding her own deeply personal account— ContraPoints creates a credible ethos in the beginning of her video essay. The audience is inclined to listen to someone who has been directly effected by the subject of Rowling's controversy (transphobia) and someone who is, rather compassionately, willing to empathize with those who would wish her harm. Although the generally sassy, glamorous, and irreverent tone of the video still appears soon after (see: the above image), her opening up for this somber moment garners a fair degree pathos in the viewer — we, as human beings, are inclined to sympathize with people who are open about being hurt.

Metis (Embodied Rhetoric)

[The following ContraPoints quote is addressing the above J.K. Rowling tweet, content warning for transmisogyny] "Transphobes love to play this game where they pretend that trans people just don't understand basic biology, that's our problem! As if I didn't start taking female hormones because I'm acutely aware that my body is not the same as a cis woman's body, that sex is real. "[Fictional TERF character] You will never be a woman, Nathan. Every cell in your body is male and has a Y chromosome." Really? That's crazy. How you'd you learn so much about science? You know I don't really feel the need to have a second X chromosome, I get by with only one, I make it work. I actually like the Y chromosome, I think it's a little more dainty, you know, it's little softer, a little more petite. The X chromosome has a lot of extra appendages, and don't you think? I don't need anymore of those, thanks. No trans person thinks it's possible to change chromosomal sex and to pretend otherwise is to argue in bad faith" (08:47-09:34).

If you can excuse my gargantuan quote, I hope you'll agree that the dialogue ContraPoints builds here was just too good to cut short. Within this excerpt, we see Wynn's use of irreverance and personal experience blended seamlessly together. For this YouTuber, the personal is perpetually political — especially when her own identity is constantly taken as an ideological stance. She uses her own expertise in trans issues to pick apart just how disingenuous Rowling's assertions are — even accusing her of "argue[ing] in bad faith" with her reductive claims (later, taking specific issue with how Rowling treats trans-ness as a costume). But, here, she also directly invokes another rhetorical trope: that of metis, or embodied rhetoric. Natalie Wynn specifically references her transgender body as a sort of counterpoint to the condescending "sex is real" claims by TERFs. She cites her intrinsic desire to pursue hormonal therapy as evidence that she — and other trans people like her — are all "acutely aware" that there are chromosomal differences between themselves and cis women. With this salient statement, she then follows with some humor: which, again, utilizes her trans body in her rhetoric. Her characterization of the Y chromosome as "more petite" and playful declaration of not needing "extra appendages" lightens up the often dark tone that arguing for trans rights and liberation can take. The clever points she makes are by no means weakened by her humor — if anything, the audience is more willing to listen to someone who can "joke about themselves" (so to speak) while still arguing an incredibly important message.

Naming and Defining Issues

"When I see Joanne tweeting about how trans people think sex isn't real and they're erasing same-sex attraction and they're silencing women, alarm bells are ringing because I recognize these as familiar transphobic talking points, specifically TERF talking points. "TERF" means trans exclusionary radical feminism. God are we still talking about this? I promise this is the last time. So TERFism is a hate movement that disguises transphobia as feminism. ... The fundamental problem with TERFs is not that they're mean. It's that they're politically reactionary, they want to reverse the progress of trans liberation." (14:05-16:02)

In her definition of TERF rhetoric, Natalie Wynn outlines some dog-whistles that are obvious to her, as a trans woman. She calmly explains to the viewer that, oftentimes in the present-day, rhetorics of exclusion are thoroughly disguised; TERFs, specifically, hide their rampant transphobia as a form of feminism. However, she further clarifies that the specific "danger" that TERFs pose is not from their cruelty — it's from their fervent dedication to strip away trans rights through political means. By specifying this danger, Natalie Wynn shifts the conversation away from empty discussion of offensiveness/terminology, to issues which directly affect the lives of trans people every day.

[This portion addresses the picture above] Also an act of naming and defining, ContraPoints makes a distinction between "Direct" and "Indirect Bigotry." She argues that many people envision bigotry as a festering, public, frothing-at-the-mouth hatred — a phenomenon she dubs "the Westboro Baptist Church theory of bigotry" (20:06). In bringing attention to the human tendency to think of people as exclusively practicing "direct bigotry" — envisioning them as a sort of delusional "other" — she then forces the audience to contemplate the relative omni-presence of the more covert (and possibly alluring) "indirect bigotry." This definition, crucially, requires introspection. By allowing ourselves to think of bigots not exclusively as "Westboros," we're made to adopt a much more nuanced view of subjects (most) generally prefer to keep black-and-white. Natalie Wynn uses her J.K. Rowling case study to complicate this 2D view of "The Bigot," inviting others to more carefully examine how politically reactionary views develop.

Phew, this was probably the longest post I've ever typed up on tumblr! Hopefully, I succeeded in demystifying (or at least adding clarity to) some of the specific tropes ContraPoints uses (that are common to women's rhetorics as a whole). Thanks for reading if you stuck around this long, and my ask box is always open!

#contrapoints #tw transphobia #tw transmysoginy

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marlborodean · 3 years

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spn quotes: season two

i’m collecting a bunch of quotes from the show! my favorite lines, good points of characterization, etc. all organized by episode and character, and with timestamps!

w/ncest shippers get lost

season one.

1. IN MY TIME OF DYING

Dean—

I’ve done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I’ve given everything I’ve ever had. Now you’re just gonna sit there and you’re gonna watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you? (11:14)

So you’re okay with dying? [Tessa: No, of course not. I just think, whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen. It’s out of my control. It’s just...fate.] Hm. That’s crap. You always have a choice. You can either roll over and die, or you can keep fighting no matter what. (18:48)

There’s no such thing as an honorable death. My corpse is gonna rot in the ground, and my family is gonna die. (30:38)

[John: You know, when, uh...when you were a kid, I’d come home from a hunt, and after what I’d seen, I’d be...I’d be wrecked. And you...you’d come up to me, and you’d put your hand on my shoulder, and you’d look me in the eye, and you’d...you’d say, “It’s okay, Dad.” Dean, I’m sorry.] Why? [You shouldn’t have had to say that to me, I should’ve been saying that to you. You know, I put...I put too much on your shoulders. I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that. And you didn’t complain, not once.] (37:27)

Sam—

How is revenge gonna help him? You're not thinking about anybody but yourself. It's the same selfish obsession! (13:17)

I don't know how to help you. But I'll keep trying, alright? As long as you keep fighting. I mean, come on, you can't...you can't leave me here alone with Dad, we'll kill each other, you know that. Dean, you gotta hold on. You can't go, man, not now. We were just starting to be brothers again. (28:36)

Misc—

Tessa: You'll stay here for years—disembodied, scared. And over the decades, it'll probably drive you mad. Maybe you'll even get violent. [Dean: What are you saying?] Dean, how do you think angry spirits are born? They can't let go, and they can't move on. And you're about to become one: the same thing you hunt. (31:15)

Azazel: If only your boys knew how much their daddy loved them. (32:15)

2. EVERYBODY LOVES A CLOWN

Dean—

[Ellen: I’m so sorry.] It’s okay. We’re alright. [Really. I know how close you and your dad—] Really, lady, I’m fine. (11:37)

[Sam: You ever notice Dad had a falling-out with just about everybody? Don’t get all maudlin on me, man.] What do you mean? [I mean this strong, silent thing of yours. It’s crap, I’m over it.] Oh my God. [This isn’t just anyone we’re talking about, this is Dad. I know how you felt about the man.] You know what? Back off, alright? Just because I’m not caring and sharing like you want me to— [No no no, that’s not what this is about, Dean. I don’t care how you deal with this, but you have to deal with it, man! Listen, I’m your brother, alright? I just wanna make sure you’re okay.] Dude, I’m okay! I’m okay, okay? I swear, the next person who asks me if I’m okay, I’m gonna start throwing punches. These are your issues. Quit dumping them on me. [What are you talking about?] I just think it’s really interesting, this sudden obedience you have to Dad. It’s like, “Oh, what would Dad want me to do?” Sam, you spent your entire life slugging it out with that man. I mean, hell, you—you picked a fight with him the last time you ever saw him, and now that he’s dead, now you want to make it right? Well, I’m sorry, Sam, but you can’t. It’s too little, too late. [Why are you saying this to me?] Because I want you to be honest with yourself about this! I’m dealing with Dad’s death! Are you? (29:48)

Sam—

[Dean: This case was your idea. By the way, why is that? You were awfully quick to jump on this job.] So? [It's just not like you, that's all. I thought you were hell-bent for leather on the demon hunt.] I don't know, I just think taking this job, it's what Dad would have wanted us to do. (16:57)

[Mr. Cooper: You see, this place is a refuge for outcasts, always has been, for folks that don't fit in nowhere else. But you two...you should go to school, find a couple of girls, have 2.5 kids. Live regular.] Sir, we don't want to go school, and we don't want regular. We want this. (22:34)

[Dean: I thought that once the demon was dead and the fat lady sings that you were gonna take off, head back to wussy state.] I'm having second thoughts. [Really?] Yeah. I think Dad would have wanted me to stick with the job. [Since when do you give a damn what Dad wanted? You spent half your life doing what he didn't want, Sam.] Since he died, okay? You have a problem with that? (23:27)

I'm sorry that the last time I was with him, I tried to pick a fight. I'm sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. I mean, for all I know, he died thinking that I hate him. So you're right. What I'm doing right now, it is too little. It's too late. I miss him, man. And I feel guilty as hell. And I'm not all right, not at all. But neither are you. That much I know. (39:04)

3. BLOODLUST

Dean—

So I picked up this crossbow, and I hit that ugly sucker—silver-tipped arrow, right in his heart. Sammy’s waiting in the car, and me and my dad take the thing into the woods, burn it to a crisp. I’m sitting there, and I’m looking into the fire, I’m thinking to myself, “I’m 16 years old. Kids my age are worried about pimples, prom dates. I’m seeing things that they’ll never even know, never even dream of.” So right then, I just sort of.... [Gordon: Embraced the life?] Yeah. (16:16)

You’re always saying to yourself, “He’s indestructible. He’ll always be around. Nothing can kill my dad.” And just like that, he’s gone. I can’t talk about this to Sammy. No, I got to keep my game face on. But, uh...truth is, I’m not handling it very well. I feel like I have this— [Gordon: Hole inside you? And it just gets bigger and bigger and darker and darker? Good. You can use it. Keeps you hungry. Trust me, there’s plenty out there needs killing, and this will help you do it. Dean, it’s not a crime to need your job.] (18:32)

[Gordon: It’s all black-and-white. There’s no maybe. You find the bad thing, kill it. See, most people spend their lives in shades of gray. Is this right? Is that wrong? Not us.] Not sure Sammy would agree with you, but, uh. [Doesn’t seem like your brother’s much like us. I’m not saying he’s wrong, just different. You and me, we were born to do this. It’s in our blood.] (20:22)

[Sam: You know what? You slap on this big smile, but I can see right through it, ‘cause I know how you feel, Dean. Dad’s dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can’t take it. But you can’t just fill up that hole with whoever you want to.] (27:47)

[Gordon: You’re not like your brother. You’re a killer, like me.] (37:08)

I wish we never took this job. It just jacked everything up. [Sam: What do you mean?] Think about all the hunts we went on, Sammy, our whole lives. [Okay.] What if we killed things that didn’t deserve killing. You know? I mean, the way Dad raised us. [Dean, after what happened to Mom...Dad did the best he could.] I know he did. But maybe he wasn’t perfect. And the way he raised us, to hate those things—and man, I hate them. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill, I didn’t even think about it. Hell, I even enjoyed it. [You didn’t kill Lenore.] No, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her. I was gonna kill them all. (40:20)

Sam—

[Gordon: Well, lighten up a little, Sammy!] He's the only one that gets to call me that. (15:05)

4. CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS

Dean—

Going to visit Mom’s grave? She doesn’t even have a grave. There was no body left after the fire. [Sam: She has a headstone.] Yeah, put up by our uncle, a man that we’ve never even met. So you wanna go pay resects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on. [Dean, that’s not the point.] Well, them enlighten me, Sam. [It’s not about a body or a casket. It’s about her memory, okay? And after Dad, it just—it just feels like the right thing to do.] It’s irrational, is what it is. [Look, man, no one asked you to come.] Why don’t we swing by the roadhouse instead? I mean, we haven’t heard anything on the demon lately. We should be hunting that son-of-a-bitch down. [That’s a good idea! You should! Just drop me off, I’ll hitch a ride, and I’ll meet you there tomorrow.] Right. Stuck with those people, making awkward small talk until you show up. No thanks. (02:48)

[Sam: Look, maybe you’re imagining a hunt where there isn’t one, so you don’t have to think about Mom, or Dad. You wanna take another swing? Go ahead, if it’ll make you feel better.] I don’t need this crap. [Dean, where are you going?] I’m gonna go get a drink. Alone. (09:59)

Look, I get it. Okay? There are people that I would give anything to see again, but what gives you the right? [Sam: Dean.] [Dr. Mason: What are you talking about?] What’s dead should stay dead! (20:51)

[Sam: Dean, I don’t scare easy, but, man, you’re scaring the crap out of me.] Don’t be overdramatic, Sam. [You’re lucky this turned out to be a real case, ‘cause if it wasn’t, you would’ve just found something else to kill. You’re on edge, you’re erratic, except for when you’re hunting, ‘cause then you’re downright scary. You’re tailspinning, man! And you refuse to talk about it, and you won’t let me help you.] I can take care of myself, thanks. [No, you can’t! And you know what? You’re the only one who thinks you should have to. You don’t have to handle this on your own, Dean. No one can.] (21:44)

I’m sorry. [Sam: For what?] The way I’ve been acting. And for Dad. Well, he was your dad, too. It’s my fault that he’s gone. [What are you talking about?] I know you’ve been thinking it. So have I. Doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. Back at the hospital, I had a full recovery. It was a miracle. And five minutes later, Dad’s dead and the Colt’s gone. [Dean....] You can’t tell me there’s not a connection there. I don’t know how the demon was involved, I don’t know how the whole thing went down exactly, but Dad’s dead because of me, and that much I do know. [We don’t know that, not for sure.] Sam, you and Dad, you’re the most important people in my life. And now...I never should’ve come back, Sam, it wasn’t natural, and now look what’s come of it. I was dead, and I should’ve stayed dead. You wanted to know how I was feeling. So tell me, what could you possibly say to make that alright? (38:56)

Sam—

[Dean: Going to visit Mom's grave? She doesn't even have a grave. There was no body left after the fire.] She has a headstone. [Yeah, put up by our uncle, a man that we've never even met. So you wanna go pay your respects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on.] Dean, that's not the point. [Well, then, enlighten me, Sam.] It's not about a body or a casket. It's about her memory, okay? And after Dad, it just—it just feels like the right thing to do. (02:48)

You're tailspinning, man. And you refuse to talk about it, and you won't let me help you. [Dean: I can take care of myself, thanks.] No, you can't! And you know what? You're the only one who thinks you should have to. You don't have to handle this on your own, Dean. No one can. [Sam, if you bring up Dad's death one more time, I swear—] Please, Dean, it's killing you. Please. We've already lost Dad. We lost Mom. I've lost Jessica. And now I'm gonna lose you, too? (21:44)

5. SIMON SAID

Dean—

You know, one day I’d love to just sit down and eat something that I didn’t have to microwave at a minimart. (18:03)

[Sam: You know, I heard you before, Dean, when Andy made you tell the truth. You’re just as scared of this as I am.] That was mind control! It’s like—it’s like being roofied, man. That doesn’t count. [What?] No, I—I’m calling do-over. [What are you, 7?] Doesn’t matter. Look, we just gotta keep doing what we’re doing, find that evil son of a bitch and kill it. (36:06)

Sam—

[Dean: There's gonna be hunters there. I don't know if—if going in and announcing that you're some supernatural freak with a demonic connection is the best thing, okay?] So I'm a freak now? [You've always been a freak.] (04:14)

Demon came to them when they were kids. Now they're killing people. [Dean: We don't know what Andrew Gallagher is, okay? Could be innocent.] My visions haven't been wrong yet! [What's your point?] My point is, I'm one of them. [No, you're not.] Dean, the demon said he had plans for me and children like me. [Yeah?] Yeah, maybe this is his plan. Maybe we're all a bunch of psychic freaks. Maybe we're all supposed to be— [Killers?] Yeah. [So the demon wants you out there, killing with your minds, is that it? Oh, give me a break. You're not a murderer, Sam! You don't have it in your bones!] No? Last I checked, I kill all kinds of things. [Those things were asking for it. There's a difference.] (10:47)

Looks like I was right. [Dean: About what?] Andy. He's a killer after all. [No, he's a hero. He saved his girlfriend's life. He saved my life.] Bottom line, last night he wasted somebody. [Yeah, but he's not a foaming-at-the-mouth psycho. He was just—he was pushed into that.] Webber was pushed, too, in his own way. Max Miller was pushed. Hell, I was pushed by Jessica's death. [What's your point, Sam?] Right circumstances, everyone is capable of murder. Everyone. (35:28)

6. NO EXIT

Dean—

[Jo: You know, I’ve had it up to here with your crap.] Excuse me? [Your chauvinist crap. You think women can’t do the job.] Sweetheart, this ain’t gender studies. Women can do the job fine. Amateurs can’t. You got no experience! What you do have is a bunch of half-baked romantic notions that some barfly has put in your head. [And now you sound like my mother.] Oh, and that’s a bad thing? (09:56)

Jo, you got options. No on in their right mind chooses this life. My dad started me in this when I was so young. I wish I could do something else. [Jo: You love the job.] Yeah, but I’m a little twisted. [You don’t think I’m a little twisted, too?] Jo, you got a mother that worries about you, who wants something more for you. Those are good things. You don’t throw things like that away. They might be hard to find later. (10:24)

[Jo: What do you remember about your dad? I mean, what’s the first thing that pops into your head? Come on, tell me.] I was 6 or 7, and uh...he took me shooting for the first time. Bottles on a fence—that kind of things. I bull’s-eyed every one of them. And he would smile, like...I don’t know. [He must have been proud.] (16:13)

Sam—

Is this job as glamorous as you thought it would be? [Jo: Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah. But that Theresa girl’s gonna live a life ‘cause of us. It’s worth it, isn’t it?] Yeah. Yeah, it is. (36:00)

Misc—

Ellen: I am your mother! I don't have to be reasonable! (03:06)

7. THE USUAL SUSPECTS

Dean—

My name is Dean Winchester. I’m an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women. (21:59)

[Sam: Nice lady.] Yeah, for a cop. (41:19)

Sam—

[Diana: Then about a year ago, there was a fire in your apartment. One fatality—Jessica Moore, your girlfriend. After she died, you fell off the grid—left behind everything.] I needed some time off...to deal. So I’m taking a road trip with my brother. (03:49)

[Dean: What do you think, Scully?] I’m not Scully, you’re Scully. [No, I’m Mulder. You’re a red-headed woman.] (06:35)

8. CROSSROAD BLUES

Dean—

[Sam: We got to find out if anyone else struck any bargains around here.] Great. So we got to clean up these people’s mess for them? I mean, they’re not exactly squeaky clean. Nobody put a gun to their head and forced them to play “Let’s Make a Deal.” [So what, we should just leave them to die?] Somebody goes over Niagara in a barrel, you gonna jump in to try to save them? [Dean.] Alright. Fine. (14:44)

[Demon: You’d sacrifice your life for someone else’s. Like father, like son. (29:01)

[Demon: I’m not gonna put you out of your misery.] Yeah? Why not? [’Cause your misery is the whole point. It’s too much to watch. Knowing how your daddy died for you, how he sold his soul—I mean, that’s got to hurt. He’s all you ever think about. You wake up and your first thought is, “I can’t do this anymore.” You’re all lit up with pain. I mean, you loved him so much. And it’s all your fault. You blew it, Dean! I could’ve given you what you need.] What do I need? [Your father.] (30:36)

How could he do it? [Sam: He did it for you.] Exactly. How am I supposed to live with that? (38:14)

Sam—

How many people do you think Dad saved total? [Dean: That's not the point, Sam.] Evan Hudson is safe because of what Dad taught us. That's his legacy, Dean. Now we're still here, man, so we got to keep going. For him. (38:48)

Misc—

George: Listen, I get that you boys want to help, but sometimes a person makes their bed and they just got to lie down in it. (17:38)

9. CROATOAN

Dean—

Hey, look, man, I’m not happy about this, okay? But it's a tough job, and you know that. [Sam: It's supposed to be tough, Dean. We're supposed to struggle with this. That's the whole point.] What does that buy us? [A clear conscience, for one.] Well, it's too late for that. [What the hell has happened to you?] What? [You might kill an innocent man, and you don't even care. You don't act like yourself anymore, Dean. Hell, you know what, you're acting like one of those things out there.] (25:40)

[Sam: Go with them. This is your only chance.] Ah, you're not gonna get rid of me that easy. (31:17)

[Sam: Dean, I'm sick. It's over for me. It doesn't have to be for you.] No—[No, you can keep going.] Who says I want to? [What?] I'm tired, Sam. I'm tired of this job, this life, this weight on my shoulders, man, I'm tired of it. [So what, so you're just gonna give up? I mean, you're just gonna lay down and die? Look, Dean, I know this stuff with Dad had—] You're wrong. It's not about Dad. I mean, part of it is, sure— [Then what is it about?] (32:54)

I just think we should take a break from all this. Why do we got to get stuck with all the responsibility, you know? Why can't we live life a little bit? [Why are you saying all this? No no no no no, Dean. You're my brother, alright? So whatever weight you're carrying, let me help a little bit.] I can't. I promised. [Who?] Dad. (39:23)

Sam—

[Dean: Hey, look, man, I'm not happy about this, okay? But it's a tough job, and you know that.] It's supposed to be tough, Dean. We're supposed to struggle with this. That's the whole point. [What does that buy us?] A clear conscience, for one. (25:40)

You're my brother, alright? So whatever weight you're carrying, let me help a little bit. (39:38)

10. HUNTED

Dean—

He said that he...wanted me to watch out for you. Take care of you. [Sam: He told you that a million times.] Well, this time was different. He said that I had to...save you. [Save me from what?] He just said that I had to save you, and nothing else mattered and that if I couldn't, I'd.... [You'd what, Dean?] I'd have to kill you. He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy. (04:10)

[Sam: How could you not have told me this?] Because it was Dad and he begged me not to. [Who cares? Take some responsibility for yourself Dean! You had no right to keep this from me!] You think I wanted this? Huh? I wish to God he'd never opened his mouth. Then I wouldn't have to walk around with this screaming in my head all day! (05:05)

And you're pissed at me, and I get it. That's fine, I deserve it. But we lay low until we figure out our next move, okay? [Sam: Forget it.] Sam, please, man. Hey, please. Just give me some time. Give me some time to think, okay? I'm begging you here. Please, please. (06:12)

Come on, Ellen, please. Something bad could be going on here, and I swore I'd look after that kid. [Ellen: They say you can't protect your loved ones forever. Well, I say screw that. What else is family for?] (17:27)

Come on, man. I know Sam, okay? Better than anyone. He's got more of a conscience than I do. I mean, the guy feels guilty surfing the internet for porn. [Gordon: Maybe you're right, but one day, he's gonna be a monster.] How? Huh? How's a guy like Sam become a monster? [Beats me, but he will.] No, you don't know that! [I'm surprised at you, Dean. Getting all emotional. I'd heard you were more of a professional than this.] (29:15)

[Gordon: Look, I'm sympathetic. He's your brother, you love the guy. This has got to hurt like hell for you. But here's the thing. It would've wrecked him, but your dad, if it really came right down to it, he would have had the stones to do the right thing here. So you're telling me, you're not the man he is?] (30:24)

Screw the job. Screw it, man. I'm sick of the job anyway. I mean, we don't get paid, we don't get thanked. The only thing we get's bad luck. [Well, come on, dude, you're a hunter. I mean, it's what you're meant to do.] Oh, I wasn't meant to do anything. I don't believe in that destiny crap. (39:00)

[Sam: You can't run from this, and you can't protect me.] I can try. (39:27)

Sam—

[Dean: He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy.] Kill me? What the hell is that supposed to mean? [I don't know.] I mean, he must've had some kind of reason for saying it, right? I mean, did he know the demon's plans for me? Am I supposed to go dark side or something? What else did he say, Dean? [That's it, I swear.] How could you not have told me this? [Because it was Dad and he begged me not to.] Who cares? Take some responsibility for yourself Dean! You had no right to keep this from me! (04:46)

[Ellen: I wish I could blame the hell out of you boys. It'd be easier. Truth is, it's not your fault. Sam, none of it is.] (10:27)

[Gordon: You wouldn't shoot me, would you, Sammy? 'Cause your brother, he thinks you're some kind of saint.] Yeah, well, I wouldn't be so sure. (33:46)

[Gordon: You're no better than the filthy things you hunt.] *They tussle, Sam points a gun at him.* [Do it. Do it! Show your brother the killer you really are, Sammy.] It's Sam. (34:22)

I'm not gonna just ditch the job. (39:00)

[Dean: Oh, I wasn't meant to do anything. I don't believe in that destiny crap.] You mean you don't believe in my destiny. [Whatever.] Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean, I ran all the way to California and look what happened. You can't run from this, and you can't protect me. [I can try.] Thanks for that. Look, Dean, I'm gonna keep hunting. I mean, whatever's coming, I'm taking it head on, so if you really want to watch my back, then I guess you're gonna have to stick around. (39:13)

11. PLAYTHINGS

Dean—

[Sam: We gotta save as many people as we can.] Wow. That attitude is just way too healthy for me. I'm officially uncomfortable now, thank you. (05:16)

[Sam: I need you to watch out for me.] Yeah, I always do. [No no no no, you have to watch out for me, all right? And if I ever turn into something that I'm not...you have to kill me.] Sam.... [Dean, Dad told you to do it. You have to.] Yeah, well, Dad's an ass. He never should've said anything. I mean, you don't do that, you don't—you don't lay that kind of crap on your kids. [No, he was right to say it. Who knows what I might become? Even now, everyone around me dies.] Yeah, well, I'm not dying. Okay? And neither are you. Come on, sit down. [No. Please. Dean, you're the only one who can do it. Promise.] Don't ask that of me. (16:18)

[Sherwin: Well, would you be [happy], leaving the only home you ever knew?] I don't know. I never really knew one. (19:06)

Sam—

I told Ellen we'd think about checking it out. [Dean: You did?] Yeah. You seem surprised. [Yeah, it's just, you know. Not the patented Sam Winchester way, is it?] What way is that? [Just figured after Ava, there'd be, uh, you know, more angst and droopy music and staring out the rainy windows. I'll shut up now.] (04:27)

So I'm not giving up on her, but I'm not gonna let other people die, either. We gotta save as many people as we can. (05:09)

That guy who hung himself...I couldn't save him. [Dean: What are you talking about? You didn't know. You couldn't have done anything.] That's an excuse, Dean. I should have found a way to save him. I should have saved Ava, too. [Yeah, well, you can't save everyone. Even you said that.] No, Dean, you don't understand, alright? The more people I save, the more I can change. [Change what?] My destiny, Dean. (15:46)

I need you to watch out for me. [Dean: Yeah, I always do.] No no no no, you have to watch out for me, alright? And if I ever turn into something that I'm not...you have to kill me. [Dean: Sam....] Dean, Dad told you to do it. You have to. [Yeah, well, Dad's an ass. He never should've said anything. I mean, you don't do that, you don't—you don't lay that kind of crap on your kids.] No, he was right to say it. Who knows what I might become? Even now, everyone around me dies. [Yeah, well, I'm not dying. Okay? And neither are you. Come on, sit down.] No. Please. Dean, you're the only one who can do it. Promise. [Don't ask that of me.] Dean, please. You have to promise me. [I promise.] Thanks. Thank you. (16:18)

12. NIGHTSHIFTER

Dean—

Freaking cops. [Sam: They were just doing their job.] No, they’re doing our job, only they don’t know it, so they suck at it. (03:36)

[Henriksen: I know about your dad.] You don't know crap about my dad. [Ex-Marine, raised his kids on the road, cheap motels, backwood cabins. Real paramilitary survivalist type. I just can't get a handle on what type of wacko he was— white supremist, Timmy McVeigh, tomato, tomahto.] You got no right talking about my dad like that. He was a hero. [Yeah, right. Sure sounds like it.] (31:18)

Sam—

[Dean: When you told that poor son of a bitch to—what did you say?—”remand” the tapes that he copied? “Classified evidence of an ongoing investigation”? That’s messed up.] What, are you pissed at me? [No, I just think it’s a little creepy how good of a Fed you are.] (08:51)

Better to stay in the dark and stay alive. (08:51)

13. HOUSES OF THE HOLY

Dean—

Odd, yes. Supernatural, maybe. But angels? I don't think so. [Sam: Why not?] 'Cause there's no such thing, Sam. [Dean, there's ten times as much lore about angels as there is about anything else we've ever hunted.] Hey, you know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns, too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams and they shoot rainbows outta their ass. [Wait, there's no such thing as unicorns?] That's cute. I'm just saying, man, there's some legends that you just file under “bullcrap.” [And you got angels on the ”bullcrap” list.] Yep. [Why?] 'Cause I've never seen one. [So what?] So I believe in what I can see. [Dean, you and I have seen things most people couldn't even dream about.] Exactly. With our own eyes—that's hard proof, okay? But in all this time, I have never seen anything that looks like an angel. And don't you think that if they existed that we would've crossed paths with them, or at least know someone that crossed paths with them? (06:17)

You know what? I get it. You've got faith. That's—hey, good for you. I'm sure it makes things easier. I'll tell you who else had faith like that. Mom. She used to tell me when she tucked me in that angels were watching over us. In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me. [You never told me that.] What's to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There's no higher power. There's no God. I mean, there's just chaos and violence and random, unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere and rips you to shreds. You want me to believe in this stuff? I'm gonna need to see some hard proof. You got any? (23:09)

Sam—

[Dean: What's next? Are you gonna start praying everyday?] I do. [What?] I do pray every day. I have for a long time. (19:50)

I wanted to believe. So badly. It's so damn hard to do this, what we do, all alone, you know? There's so much evil out in the world, Dean, I feel like I could drown in it. And when I think about my destiny, when I think about how I could end up.... [Dean: Yeah, well, don't worry about that, alright? I'm watching out for you.] Yeah, I know you are. But you're just one person, Dean. And I needed to think that there was something else watching, too, you know? Some higher power, some greater good. And maybe.... [Maybe what?] Maybe I could be saved. But, you know, that just clouded my judgement. And you're right. I mean, we got to go with what we know, with what we can see, with what's right there in front of our own two eyes. (37:54)

14. BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN

Dean—

[Meg!Sam: Then how the hell did I get here, Dean? What happened to me?] I don't know, all right? But you're...you're okay, and that's what matters. Everything else we can deal with. (02:51)

Sam, go wait in the car. [Meg!Sam: But, Dean—] Go wait in the car! (06:40)

What's going on with you, Sam, hm? 'Cause smoking, throwing bottles at people, I mean that sounds more like me than you. (07:51)

You know, I've tried so hard to keep you safe. [Meg!Sam: I know.] I can't. I'd rather die. [No. You'll live.] (15:53)

[Meg!Sam: What the hell's wrong with you, Dean? Are you that scared of being alone that you'd rather let Jo die?] (25:53)

This is my fight. I'm not getting your blood on my hands. That's just how it's gonna be. (31:28)

[Meg!Sam: Dean. Back from the dead. Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it? Like a cockroach. (34:13)

[Meg!Sam: All that I had to hold onto was that I would climb out one day and that I was gonna torture you, nice and slow, like pulling the wings off an insect. But whatever I do to you, it's nothing compared to what you do to yourself, is it? I can see it in your eyes, Dean. You're worthless. You couldn't save your dad, and deep down, you know that you can't save your brother. They'd have been better off without you.] (37:21)

[Sam: No matter what I did, you wouldn't shoot.] It was the right move, Sam, it wasn't you. [Yeah, this time. What about next time?] Sam, when Dad told me that I might have to kill you, it was only if I couldn't save you. Now, if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna save you. (41:01)

Sam—

For the last few weeks, I've been having...I've been having these feelings. [Dean: What feelings?] Rage. Hate. And I can't stop it. It just gets worse. Day by day, it gets worse. [You never told me this.] I didn't want to scare you. (13:52)

[Dean: No one can control you but you.] Sure doesn't seem like that, Dean. It feels like no matter what I do, slowly but surely, I'm—I'm just becoming— [What?] Who I'm meant to be. I mean, you said it once yourself, Dean, I got to face up to who I am. (14:29)

I don't want to hurt anyone else. I don't want to hurt you. [Dean: You won't. Whatever this is, you can fight it.] No. I can't. Not forever. (15:16)

My head feels like it's on fire, alright? (25:21)

Misc:

Meg: Hell is like, uh...well, it's like hell. Even for demons. It's a prison made of bone and flesh and blood and fear. (36:42)

15. TALL TALES

Dean—

[Bobby: Come on, now, you're bickering like an old married couple.] No, see, married couples can get divorced. Me and him? We're like, uh, Siamese twins. [Sam: It's conjoined twins.] See what I mean? [Look, it...we've just been on the road for too long, tight quarters, all that.] (11:19)

[Sam: Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you.] What are you talking about? I'm a joy to be around. [Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink, your food in the fridge?] What's wrong with my food? [It's not food anymore, Dean! It's Darwinism!] I like it. [And you know what? All I ask from you, the one thing, is that you don't mess with my stuff!] You done? [You know, how would you feel if I screwed with the Impala?] It'd be the last thing you ever did. (21:15)

Sam—

Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you. [What are you talking about? I'm a joy to be around.] Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink, your food in the fridge? [What's wrong with my food?] It's not food anymore, Dean! It's Darwinism! [I like it.] And you know what? All I ask from you, the one thing, is that you don't mess with my stuff! (21:15)

16. ROADKILL

Dean—

You know, just once I'd like to round the corner and see a nice house. (16:14)

Me? I don't like [spirits]. And I sure as hell ain't making apologies for 'em. (20:08)

[Molly: Oh, thank God.] Call me Dean. (28:46)

Sam—

Spirits like Greeley are, uh...like wounded animals. Lost, in so much pain, that they lash out. [Molly: Why? Why are they here?] Well, there's some part of them that...that's keeping them here, like their remains, or um...unfinished business. [Unfinished business....] Yeah, uh, could be revenge. Could be love. Or hate. Whatever it is, they just hold on too tight. Can't let go. So they're trapped, caught in the same loops. Replaying the same tragedies over and over. [You sound almost sorry for them.] Well, they weren't evil people, you know? A lot of them were good, just...something happened to them. Something they couldn't control. (18:52)

[Dean: You think she's really going to a better place?] I hope so. [I guess we'll never know. Not until we take the plunge ourselves, huh?] Doesn't really matter, Dean. Hope's kind of the whole point. (38:23)

17. HEART

Dean—

[Sam: Dean, could you be a bigger geek about this?] I'm sorry, man, but what about a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by moonlight don't you understand? I mean, werewolves are badass. We haven't seen one since we were kids. (04:39)

[Sam: You go. I'll stay.] Forget that. You go after the creepy ex. I'm gonna hang here with the hot chick. [Dude, why do you always get to hang out with the girls?] 'Cause I'm older. [No, screw that. We settle this the old-fashioned way.] *Dean throws scissors while Sam throws rock.* [Dean, always with the scissors!] Shut up, shut up. Two out of three. *Dean throws scissors while Sam throws rock.* God! [Bundle up out there, all right?] (11:11]

Sammy, I got this one. I'll do it. [Sam: She asked me to.] You don't have to. (38:56)

Sam—

I'm not putting a bullet through some girl's chest who has no idea what's happening. [Dean: Sam, she's a monster and you're feeling sorry for her?] Maybe I understand her. (21:26)

18. HOLLYWOOD BABYLON

Dean—

[Sam: You know, I thought you hated being a PA.] I don’t know, it’s not so bad. I kind of feel like part of the team, you know? It’s good. (19:22)

Hey, we got to go check out Johnny Ramone’s grave when we’re gone here. [Sam: You want to go dig him up, too?] Bite your tongue, heathen! (23:25)

[Marty: He wrote a wackjob screenplay. There’s no pace, there’s no love interest. It’s all wackadoo exposition. I had to cut, like, 90 percent of it to make it readable, another 10 percent to make it good.] ...Should have kept Walter’s original script. It’s actually pretty good. (31:15)

Sam—

[Dean: I just figured that, you know, after everything that happened with Madison, you could use a little R&R, that’s all.] Maybe I want to work, Dean. Maybe it keeps my mind off things. (05:38)

19. FOLSOM PRISON BLUES

Dean—

Innocent people are dead—four, so far. [Sam: Yeah, innocent.] What, are you from Texas all of a sudden? Just 'cause these people are in jail doesn't mean they deserve to die. And if we don't stop this thing, people are gonna continue to die. We do the job wherever it takes us. (11:30)

[Sam: You're doing this for Deacon?] Damn right. [We barely even know the guy.] We know he was in the Corps with Dad. We know he saved Dad's life. We know we owe him. [Yeah, all right, but don't you think he's asking a little much?] Doesn't matter. We may not be saints, but we're loyal and we pay our debts. Now, that means something to me, and it ought to to you. (11:47)

[Sam: Dean, does it bother you at all how easily you seem to fit in here?] No, not really. (28:07)

Sam—

I hate this plan, Dean. [Dean: yeah, I got that the first ten times I heard it.] (05:12)

This is, without a doubt, the dumbest, craziest thing we’ve ever done, and that’s in a long, storied career of dumb and crazy. (10:58)

20. WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD NEVER BE

Dean—

When I was a kid, what did you always tell me when you put me to bed? [Mary: Dean, I don't understand—] Just answer the question. [I told you angels were watching over you.] (07:05)

Who'd have thought, Baby? We're civilians. (11:42)

That lawn looks like it could use some mowing. [Mary: You want to mow the lawn?] You kidding me? I'd love to mow the lawn. [Knock yourself out. You'd think you've never mowed a lawn in your life.] (13:08)

[Sam: I mean this whole warm, fuzzy, ecstasy-trip thing.] I'm just happy for you, Sammy. [Yeah, right. That's another thing. Since when do you call me “Sammy?” Dean, come on. We don't talk outside of holidays.] We don't? Well, we should. I mean, you're my brother. [”You're my brother?”] Yeah! [You know, that's what you said when you snaked my ATM card, or when you bailed on my graduation, or when you hooked up with Rachel Nave.] Who? [My prom date, on prom night.] Yeah, that does kinda sound like me. Well, hey, man, I'm sorry about all that. [No, look, it's all right, man, I just...you know, I'm not asking you to change, I just.... I don't know, I guess we just don't really have anything in common. You know?] Wait, whoa whoa whoa, yes we do. Yes we do. [What?] Hunting. [Hunting? I've never been hunting in my life, Dean.] Yeah, well, then we should go sometime. I think you'd be great at it. (17:51)

I can fix things with Sam. I can make it up to him. To everyone. [Carmen: Okay. What's gotten into you lately?] This isn't gonna make a lick of sense to you...but I kind of feel like I've been given a second chance. And I don't want to waste it. (19:58)

And there's this woman that's haunting me, I don't know why. I don't know what the connection is—not yet, anyway. It's like my old life is coming after me or something, you know, like it doesn't want me to be happy. Of course, I know what you'd say. Well, not the you that played softball, but you'd say, "Go hunt the djinn. It put you here, it can put you back. Your happiness or all those people's lives, no contest." Right? But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life? Sammy's not supposed to get married? Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad? (23:14)

I'm sorry that we don't get along. And I wish to hell I could stay and fix it. But I gotta do this. People's lives depend on it. (26:07)

[Djinn!Sam: Why'd you have to keep digging? Why couldn't you have left well-enough alone? You were happy.] [Djinn!Mary: Put the knife down, honey.] You're not real. None of it is. [It doesn't matter. It's still better than anything you had.] What? [It's everything you want. We're a family again. Let's go home.] I'll die. The djinn will drain the life out of me in a couple days. [But in here, with us, it'll feel like years, like a lifetime. I promise. No more pain, no more fear. Just love and comfort and safety. Dean, stay with us. Get some rest.] [Djinn!Jessica: You don't have to worry about Sam anymore. You get to watch him live a full life.] [Djinn!Carmen: We can have a future together, have our own family. I love you, Dean. Please.] [Djinn!Sam: Why is it our job to save everyone? Haven't we done enough? I'm begging you. Give me the knife.] I'm sorry. (34:47)

I gotta tell you, though, man, you know, you had Jess. Mom was gonna have grandkids. [Sam: Yeah, but Dean, it wasn't real.] I know. But I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so bad. I mean, ever since Dad....all I can—all I can think about it how much this job has cost us. We've lost so much. And we've sacrificed so much. (40:43)

Sam—

[Dean: Get out of the car.] I'm going with you. [You're just gonna slow me down.] Tough. [This is dangerous and you could get hurt.] Yeah, and so could you, Dean. [Sam—] Look, whatever stupid thing you're about to do, you're not doing it alone, and that's that. [I don't understand, why are you doing this?] Because you're still my brother. [Bitch.] What are you calling me a bitch for? [You're supposed to say jerk.] What? [Nevermind.] (27:07)

Well, I'm glad we do [get along]. And I'm glad you dug yourself out, Dean. Most people wouldn't have had the strength. They would've just stayed. (40:25)

[Dean: We've lost so much. And we've sacrificed so much.] But people are alive because of you, Dean. It's worth it, it is. It's not fair, and, you know, it hurts like hell, but it's worth it. (41:24)

21. ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE, PART I

Dean—

I'm gonna take care of you. I'm gonna take care of you. I got you. That's my job, right? Watch out for my pain-in-the-ass little brother. (39:32)

Sam—

[Jake: By the way, I, uh, appreciate what you're doing here.] What am I doing? [Keeping calm, keeping them calm. Especially considering how freaked to hell you really are. I've been in some deep crap before myself. I know the look.] Want to know the truth? I got this brother, right? And he's always telling me how he's gonna watch out for me, how everything's gonna be okay, you know, kinda like I've been telling them. [Yeah.] I don't know if I believe it this time. (22:56)

22. ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE, PART II

Dean—

[Bobby: Don't you think maybe it's time...we bury Sam?] No. [We could maybe....] What? Torch his corpse? Not yet. [I want you to come with me.] I'm not going anywhere. [Dean, please.] Would you cut me some slack? [I just don't think you should be alone, that's all. I gotta admit, I could use your help. Something big is going down—end-of-the-world big!] Well, then let it end! [You don't mean that.] You don't think so? Huh? You don't think I've given enough? You don't think I've paid enough? I'm done with it. All of it. (02:16)

You know, when we were little, when you couldn't have been more than five, you just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom, why do we always have to move around, where'd Dad go when he'd take off for days at a time? I remember I begged you, "Quit asking, Sammy. Man, you don't want to know." I just wanted you to be a kid, just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you, keep you safe. Dad didn't even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I have one job—I had one job. And I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that, I'm sorry. I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too? How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy. What am I supposed to do? (06:27)

That's the same deal you give everybody else. [Demon: You're not everybody else. Why would I want to give you anything? Keep your gutter soul. It's too tarnished, anyway.] (11:08)

You almost died in there. I mean, what would I have.... You just take care of yourself for a little bit, huh? Just for a little bit. (16:37)

Which is why we gotta find this yellow-eyed son of a bitch. That's why I'm gonna kill him myself. I mean, I got nothing to lose now, right? (19:00)

[Bobby: What is it with you Winchesters, huh? You, your dad—you're both just itching to throw yourselves down the pit.] (19:18)

Dad brought me back, Bobby, I'm not even supposed to be here. At least this way, something good could come out of it, you know? It's like my life can mean something. [Bobby: What? And it didn't before? Have you got that low an opinion of yourself? Are you that screwed in the head?] I couldn't let him die, Bobby. I couldn't. He's my brother. [How is your brother gonna feel when he knows you're going to Hell? How'd you feel when you knew your dad went for you?] You can't tell him. You take a shot at me, whatever you gotta do, but please don't tell him. (19:27)

[Azazel: You saw what your brother just did to Jake, right? That was pretty cold, wasn't it? How certain are you that what you brought back is 100% pure Sam? You of all people should know that's what dead should stay dead. Anyway, thanks a bunch. I knew I kept you alive for some reason. Until now, anyway. I couldn't have done it without your pathetic, self-loathing, self-destructive desire to sacrifice yourself for your family.] (32:23)

[Sam: You shouldn't have done that. How could you do that?] Don't get mad at me. Don't you do that. I had to. I had to look out for you. That's my job. (38:45)

Sam—

I kind of can't believe it, Dean. I mean... our whole lives, everything... has been prepping for this, and now I...I kind of don't know what to say. (36:35)

[Dean: I had to look out for you. That's my job.] And what do you think my job is? [What?] You saved my life over and over. I mean, you sacrifice everything for me. Don't you think I'd do the same for you? You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. And I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna get you out of this. Guess I gotta save your ass for a change. (38:57)

#lol s2 finallyyyy #today i found out that one of my new roommates used to watch SPN and she immediately asked my opinion on w/nc/st #and i said 'well i have siblings and i'm not a freak so.' and she said okay good lol #spn #ej.pdf #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #spn season 2 #spn season two #spn quotes

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belphegor1982 · 3 years

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not sure if you're doing the prompt list, but parenthood (6) with leonard snart and janet? 👉👈 i'm in love with your characterizations of len and his wife 💕

It took me two weeks, but there it is :D

Parenthood (DCAU)

When she’d been a kid, Janet had – very naturally – assumed that her adult life would match her parents’, or their neighbours: a house, a husband, a dog, a white picket fence, not necessarily in that order. And kids. Like an afterthought, something not really important so much as vaguely necessary.

She hadn’t thought about it until a couple of years or so into her and Len’s marriage. They’d had somewhat rocky beginnings: she’d been fierce, he’d been grumpy, and they’d both been so damn young they hadn’t seen how ridiculous they were, dancing around each other like they weren’t sure they were allowed this… that. ‘Relationship’ was too big a word. Whatever they had, though, they had kept, because it was good and it was theirs. One day it had hit Janet that Len basically only went back to his crappy little apartment to shower; one night they’d been in bed, sweaty and tired and stupid happy, and as Janet reached for the book on her bedside table afterwards while Len scribbled on his ‘heist ideas’ notebook like he’d been struck with sudden inspiration, she had realised in a rush that she wanted the rest of her life to be like this.

“Wanna get married, one of these days?” she’d asked, almost not nervous at all.

Len had stared at her long enough to make her start to regret asking. Then he’d given a small smile, the very rare sort that showed in his eyes.

“Sure,” he’d said, and that was that.

They’d gotten married six months later. Janet wore blue. Her parents showed up, despite the disapproval hanging thick in the air – her father convinced that she could ‘do a lot better than a thug’, her mother ice-cold at the thought of her daughter marrying ‘some two-bit crook’. Len had only invited his sister, a stunning young blonde who’d been friendly to Janet but still appeared put-out that the invitation didn’t extend to her boyfriend.

“He’s a jerk,” Len had said later, making Janet laugh.

“You’re a jerk, Len.”

“Not the same kind. He’s stuck-up. Lisa’s too good for him anyway.”

“Yeah, well. That’s not up to you to decide, is it? It’s your sister’s choice.”

“I know, I just… She deserves better. Better than she got as a kid.”

Janet had looked at him, long and careful, suddenly a little tense.

“Do you think she’s… not safe? With him?”

Len had blinked, then shaken his head.

“Nah, nothin’ like that. You can tell Dillon’s actually good to her. Nothing like…” He had trailed off, something hard and cold and sudden in his eyes like someone had slammed closed a pair of shutters. That had only lasted for ten seconds before he’d shrugged. “I just wish he wasn’t such a dick, that’s all.”

Then he’d abruptly changed the subject, and Janet had followed, because she knew precarious ground when she saw it.

* * * *

Living with someone in the intimate way meant noticing a lot of things about them, more or less willingly.

Len had cottoned on pretty early to her tendency to snap when she was tired or angry, and of holding nothing back then. She also caught him looking at the crisscross pattern of scar tissue on her knuckles from when she’d punched a wall, repeatedly, after the girl who’d been her best friend in school was battered to death by her boyfriend. “I only slapped her around a bit,” the bastard had said, and ten years later Janet still wished that she’d had the guts to punch him instead. She’d finally told Len about it one day, and seen his face go stone and his eyes ice. His cold fury had been comforting.

It went both ways. She noticed things about her husband, too. Like some odd scars she had a feeling he hadn’t picked up in juvie, the trace of a cigarette burn in the hollow of his right shoulder, or the mark – still chillingly precise even years later – of a belt buckle in the small of his back. She wondered whether Lisa had similar scars. Not that she’d ask. She and her sister-in-law didn’t have that kind of relationship.

Janet had a past. Len had a past. That was what being human meant. Sometimes that felt more like dragging a corpse through the dust wherever you went than a happy set of picture-perfect memories, but it was part of the whole package.

The major reason Janet didn’t entertain the idea of kids for longer than a passing thought was because she didn’t want any – for the moment, she told herself, even as she kept forgetting to really think about it. She’s grown up with the distinct impression that she hadn’t been wanted, or had come at an inconvenient time to her parents. The last thing she wanted was to make a kid feel like that.

The lesser reason was everything Len wasn’t saying. He wasn’t crazy about opening up about things either important or trivial, though he did anyway because they both liked to get their point across clearly. But she’d never, ever heard him say anything at all about his life before he’d struck out on his own, a couple of years short of eighteen years old. His sister Lisa was six years younger, and that was all Janet knew. Family, parents, home life – Len didn’t let anything slip. This, combined with the scars and a few odd reactions, carefully hidden under a lot of attitude, told her more than he appeared willing to share.

One day, when he’d been nicely mellowed out by a good score and a shared bottle of the good stuff to celebrate, she had asked him, “Do you ever think about having kids?”

The split-second look he’d given her still haunted her to this day. She had seen him angry, she had seen him silent, cheerful and surly and balking at house chores, but it hadn’t crossed her mind that he could ever be afraid.

“No,” he’d answered curtly. “Why?”

“Just wondering. Kevin from logistics just had his third the other day. Kept asking me when I’d finally get started on my own.”

“Kevin from logistics needs to mind his own damn business.”

“That’s what I told him,” said Janet, and Len smirked. “Anyway, he got me thinking. Turns out I don’t think I want kids. You know, at all.”

The relief on his face was as fleeting as the fear, but just as stark.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I like what we have.” A pause. “You’ve really never thought about having kids one day?”

“Sure I did, once – for about five seconds. Weirdest five seconds of my life.”

She’d given him a look, half amused, half a smile. Relax, Len. You’re not getting interrogated.

“That bad?”

“Look, I don’t… Kids are weird, all right? Adults I can deal with. Besides, all I know is how not to be a father. No way I’m risking—no way.”

That was as close as he ever came to telling her why she’d never even heard Snart Sr.’s first name. But it was enough. They closed the subject and moved on to other things.

* * * *

And then it turned out that Metropolis and Gotham were not the only cities that could boast an actual superhero, because Central City quickly became aware of a lean, young-looking man in a red costume who called himself the Flash and went after burglars and thieves with superhuman speed. Whoever he was, whatever he was, he added an element of danger to her husband’s chosen profession, and Janet took an instant dislike to him and his big smug smile. Then she dismissed him from her mind quickly enough.

Len, though, was a very different story.

While he didn’t like the Flash any more than Janet did, the guy’s addition to the tried-and-true equation of cops and robbers added an edge that hadn’t been present before. Having an actual superhero in town made all of Len’s old research on absolute zero – and tinkering in the basement – not only relevant but useful. He designed a ‘cold gun’ from plans he’d stolen years ago, looking more excited than Janet had seen him in the last eight years, and worked hard to ‘up his game’.

Privately, Janet thought that, for a man who claimed to be as serious about his trade as Len did, creating a brand-new persona complete with parka, visor, and goofy moniker was hilarious.

Not that she ever actually laughed at him. Especially not the one time Len came back from a heist with an armful of cash and a weird look on his face.

“He’s a kid, Jan,” he said when Janet had asked him what could be wrong when he’d clearly got away with the loot unscathed. “He’s a goddamn kid. I don’t think he’s even old enough to drink.”

“What the hell is he playing at, then?” she exclaimed. “This job is not kid’s stuff! What was he thinking, that he could waltz in and play Superman, just like that?”

“I don’t know.” Len took off his visor and pinched the bridge of his nose. Then his eyes hardened. “And I don’t care. I like my job. If this guy thinks he can stop me, then he’d better be prepared to try harder.”

“I got him good today, though,” he said hours later, in the small hours of the night, after Janet’s hands had searched for his, cool and calloused, under the covers.

Something tensed inside in the region of her stomach.

“You didn’t kill him, did you?”

“Of course not,” he snapped, looking annoyed that she’d even ask. Janet’s guts relaxed. “I’m a crook, not a murderer. Besides, you know the second someone offs that guy, Superman or another big hero is gonna show up and turn the city inside out in revenge. It’d be like when a cop gets killed. They close ranks and start shooting indiscriminately.”

“So when you say you ‘got him good’ –”

“I just sent him packin’. Didn’t rough him up more than I would a cop. The kid’s got a mean right hook but he has no idea how real cold works, speed or no speed.”

Janet closed her eyes again and murmured, “Maybe he’ll quit, then.”

“Maybe.” Even half-asleep, she could tell that this ‘maybe’ meant ‘fat chance’.

“So… on the off-chance that today didn’t put him off, what are you gonna do?”

“I was thinking I might hit Drake & Hall Savings on Infantino Street next month.”

“I meant about the Flash.”

Len’s voice was low but certain when he said, “Me too. I’ll just keep doing my job, and if this joker is as serious as he claims to be, he’ll keep trying to stop me. But I’m not gonna drop everything just because of a kid in a onesie and a mask. I’ll just have to find ways to slow him down.”

The last thought that coalesced in Janet’s mind just before she nodded off was Did my husband just become a supervillain?

She fell asleep before the laugh passed her lips.

* * * *

While ‘supervillain’ might have been stretching things – not to mention the word made Janet choke up on laughter – Len’s new approach to the job was certainly different from the one he’d had before the Flash came along. He still refused the label, though, arguing that supervillains had powers, costumes, and delusions of grandeur, while he just had a cold gun, a parka, and banks to rob.

“Okay,” said Janet when she was in a ribbing mood, “what’s the Joker’s power, then?”

This usually earned her a deadpan look.

At least Len didn’t remain the only crook with a gimmick and an eccentric costume for long. Soon her husband had colleagues, fellow not-supervillains, some of whom not only willing to work together but also seemed to actually appreciate it. Their ‘powers’ were not innate, nor did they get them in freaky accidents; like Len, they either stole tech or were savvy enough to design it. And they all rejected the label of ‘supervillain’.

They were ‘rogues’. Or rather, Rogues. And Len – who knows why – took the place of the de facto leader.

Of her husband’s coworkers, Janet got on with Mick Rory the best. She liked his even temper, his slight smile, and the fact that he generally found it easy to keep a level head. Digger Harkness was his exact opposite, and her whole life she could never quite shake off the urge to slap him whenever he opened his mouth. The others were scattered along the scale between those two extremes: some were never quite sure what to do with her (or she with them – apart from making sure the old couch in the basement could be slept on and keeping an eye on their quickly-dwindling stock of coffee and beer packs), while others were more accommodating about having to spend time with ‘Len’s missus’.

One day Janet caught James pilfering one of the cookies she’d baked herself for the next night she’d have to spend alone. He looked so terrified at being caught red-handed that she refrained from rolling her eyes and told him to help himself and share with his musician friend.

She drew the line at pointing out Hartley was too skinny, though. Just because the young man was friendly and polite and, indeed, looked rather underfed didn’t mean she had any right to turn into her Aunt Debbie. She’d rather die first. Besides, she wasn’t the kid’s nanny, was she?

Nevertheless, the cookies proved a success. Like the couch in the basement, like the stocking up on beer packs, like the occasional patching-up of scrapes not serious enough to warrant a trip to the hospital, they surreptitiously became a habit.

* * * *

Over the years, Janet Snart slid smoothly into middle-age never regretting once her decision not to have children. Turned out being a woman, a wife, a friend, and a sometimes kind-of-support to a bunch of Rogues was quite enough.

Parenthood was overrated, anyway.

______________

Hope you liked, @orion-nottson 💜

Timeline notes thingy: Janet and Len met when they were about 25-27 and got married a couple of years later. ‘Dillon’ is of course Roscoe Dillon, the Top, who has a blink-and-you-miss-it cameo in the JLU episode with the Rogues, but since I don’t want to kill him or Lisa, I’m thinking he was her ice skating trainer, they fell in love, and didn’t go into villainy.

Wally was the first Flash of this universe - maybe the second and Jay was a superhero in the 1940s? - since he says “my uncle’s flying in” for the ceremony. Also, when he first pops up in this story he’s not quite 16, while Len is a bit over 30.

...I really overthink these things, huh 😅

#Anonymous #my stuff #rogues #fanfiction #ask reply #my OCs #Janet Snart

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darkpoisonouslove · 2 years

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Be Cool, Scooby Doo Review

Alrighty, I didn’t get off on the right foot with this reboot but I gave it a second chance and it is now ranking amongst my favorites. Of course, there are still things that I don’t like but for the most part, it is doing amazingly on pretty much all the fronts and I love that for it. Let’s take a deeper look:

First of all, I will be talking about the characters once again. They certainly made some choices that worked about... half of the time. Tbh I am not a fan of the way they did Scooby in this one. He is legitimately just a scaredy-cat here and there is none of that bravery Scooby exhibits in the original when his friends are in danger. In fact, they made it a point that he wouldn’t even save Shaggy which was not great for me.

Shaggy’s nice. There’s not so much personality there but he surely is one of the funniest parts of the show and I love him. They have kept the gimmick with him and Scooby dressing up and confusing the monsters which is a classic so I have no complaints there. And they even gave him a couple short arcs with a love interest, trying to be an impressive grandson and wanting to leave the gang which I feel was the most profound out of the three and tried to show why the gang needs Shaggy and Scooby. It came the closest to the vibes of the original show and was pretty nice to see.

Velma... Ah, Velma. This is what ticks me off the most about this reboot. Velma’s personality... let’s just say they don’t have a great grip on it. She is made a lot more of a stereotype than she’s been in ANY of the other reboots and that was pretty annoying. I know it’s a classic to have a nerd that the others have to get out of their room but this was driven way too far. And Velma was also still pretty mean without any reason. She was made a little bit of an intellectual snob which original Velma never was. The one time when they deviated the most from the stereotypes they shoved her into was sort of when they said she played video games as a child because in a previous episode it was implied she found video games pointless. But really, with her in this reboot it’s like a pendulum that swings from one extreme into another and back. The only good thing they did with her was the sort of arc they gave her about feeling like she’s wasting her potential solving mysteries with her friends. I like how that was brought up again in one of the last episodes and they allowed her to make a great impact on society aka following her dreams while she also stays with the gang and does what she loves.

Daphne here is an interesting case. At first I found her oddities annoying but the more you go on, the more it starts making sense. Daphne clearly grew up lonely and we’ve seen her desperately trying to make even more friends. So in a way her ridiculous hobbies are her expressing how comfortable she is with the gang which I actually love. And they managed to give her a role within the gang which was made very clear in the first episode of the series - she is what holds the gang together. Because of her desire for friendship she finds a way to walk them through their problems when everything is threatening to fall apart even if it seems like she’s the engine of the catastrophe a lot of the time which ties in with her original characterization as danger-prone Daphne. Everything she does might seem random at first but the more you think about it, her entire behavior makes perfect sense with the life she’s led. I can’t believe it but we might just have a winner - this reboot is probably the only one that ever knew what to do with Daphne.

Now Fred is an interesting case. Clearly, he is a little bit more of a main character here than Scooby is. Both of the season finales deal with him and actually connect in a bigger mystery that was going on the whole time in a loose overarching plot (that was nice to see but not nearly enough to impress me after SDMI). His controlling behavior was too much for me pretty often and even if they explained it in the end, it still seemed over the top. They took something and pushed it to the extreme quite like they did with Velma. I wasn’t much of a fan of it but I guess they were trying to justify how many mysteries the gang really gets into. Which was really not necessary but whatever. The one thing that I was interested in seeing was the moments that dealt with Fred’s leadership and whether he was a good enough leader. Those were interesting but I still think that they went overboard with him and his control-freak-ishness.

The mysteries were pretty interesting. I loved most of them and the way that they were constructed. The fact that there was a light overarching plot was actually pretty cool but, again, not that impressive after the work SDMI did. What I really loved were the mysteries that were clear reboots of original mysteries. The Elias Kingston ghost in ep 1, the two green ghosts and the will, the headless count and, of course, Captain Cutler. Those were mysteries that they took and actually managed to make better. That was very impressive and they did some great work.

The deconstruction of some of the elements of the original show was great. I loved that they did commentary on a lot of the crazy stuff going on. It wasn’t necessary per se, but it was pretty interesting. There was clearly thought put into all of that and it led to some very funny moments. The entirety of 1x26 demonstrates how much of law-breakers the gang actually are, which was clever to see. The second mystery in the same town and the commentary on the police doing nothing while the gang actually solves the crimes for them was funny. And the moral dilemma of the Scooby Snacks bribery was thought-provoking (as well as the everyone pile on Velma logic) but also without destroying your love of the original which was the most perfect way they could have pulled it off.

In the end, this reboot really stands out with the work it did on the lore of the show, its tropes and the characters. I may not agree with all of the choices that they made but I can appreciate the thought and love for the show that clearly went into the making of the reboot. Despite not having a clear connection between all of the episodes, it manages to give some arcs to all of the characters. It won my heart and my laugh (I love the humor in the show). I definitely recommend.

#scooby doo #be cool scooby doo #shaggy rogers #velma dinkley #daphne blake #fred jones #review #thoughts #tv shows #tv series

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legends-live-in-memories · 3 years

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I Have Too Many Opinions. ep. 1

lmao. i got encouragement to post my opinions on fandom things and now i want to make a miniseries doing just that. so here i am. doing just that.

im putting it under the cut cuz this was 4 whole pages including the disclaimer. yes i put a disclaimer and i explain why.

Anyways, here is the first piece in what inevitably will become fandom info dump, this time on thomas astruc’s writing on miraculous ladybug. but only some of my opinions cuz we would be here all day otherwise.

So… a disclaimer before I begin…

I do not hate Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir (yes i'm using their government name). I am quite a fan of the show actually despite its faults. I am also older than the intended audience but was obviously younger when the show first aired which is how my interest was piqued (the fact that its been 6 years and only 3 seasons says more about the show than me being a fan for that amount of time but also i never want to rush content creators cuz they're doing their best) and due to my age, there will be inherent bias in my approach of what i'm about to say as there is in EVERY opinion. The fact that it is an opinion should imply the presence of bias but most people tend to lack the critical thinking skills required to draw that conclusion ANYWAYS…

If I did hate the show I would not have this blog nor would I be even writing this because i tend to not give more than 2 seconds of thought to things i actively dislike (some of yall should give this a try) and i'm allowed to like things that are designed for an audience that i was originally a part of but grew out of. (I don't suddenly stop liking things because I'm older despite what many younger fans seem to believe about older audiences. I also don't need to be ‘allowed’ to do anything cuz i wasn't asking for permission anyways.)

This will not be character bashing, astruc bashing nor fandom bashing cuz, again, that would imply i hate any of those elements and if i did, i would not dedicate brainpower to them. Analyses and criticisms of media are fun and engaging and required if you wish to produce good enjoyable content. Now most of this should be already assumed and self-explanatory but people on the internet like to play morality roulette roll dice on purity culture and I rather have documentation that I am in fact not bullying fictional 14 year olds or a grown man. But alas, people get trigger happy whenever someone has less than 1000000% positive opinions on something they like and will throw out words they can't define (gaslight, baiting, toxic, problematic, gatekeep etc) in an attempt to defend their blind devotion,

which is not needed, if you like something you never have to defend it, even if i don't like it. If you respond to anything I post saying you disagree with me, I will not argue with you. I won't debate back and forth and try to convince you that the things you like are wrong. Unless you are being absolutely tone deaf to what i'm saying, you wont get a negative reaction from me. So don't try to fish for a fight. Please. I got metaphorical hands for days and I'm mean, you don't want me hurting your feelings on the internet. Do yourself the favour. Difference of opinion is how we get diversification in media and is inherently a good thing. Now that that's out of the way, please don't ever let me have to say that again. I beg.

Now onto the fun stuff

I didn't know what I wanted as a first topic so my trusty internet friend @moonlitceleste suggested astruc’s writing…

AND BOI do i got some opinions on ole tommy boi. Again I don't hate the dude. In fact, he has worked on a few shows that had defined my childhood, including but not limited to W.I.T.C.H. (all eps available on youtube for those interested, 2 seasons, general fun time all around).

So I don't think he’s scum of the earth but I do think his approach to writing mlb specifically has more misses than hits.

The first big miss is that he has no idea how to write 14 year old girls. At all. Almost every girl he has ever written feels like some terrible archetype built entirely for marketability and childish projection and pubescent self-insert (kind of). He has never been a 14 year old girl. I have. In fact when the show first aired, I WAS around the (assumed) age of the mlb characters. The behaviour he passes off as quirky or awkward or just the character’s genuine personality tend to perpetuate harmful stereotypes of teen girls found in the media and are never actually addressed as harmful. they just get swept under the rug. Marinette’s exuberant collage of teen heart throb model boi Adrien Agreste and her very painful almost fan worship she has of him (which flip flops like a paper sandal in the rain) being portrayed as a cute school girl crush uwu, Chloe being the y7 Regina George, Alya being the token best friend of colour with her ‘sassy’ personality (i want y'all to imagine me eyerolling so hard i bust a vessel in my eye), Kagami being the very damaging Perfect Asian Child stereotype. And before y'all get on your dusty soap box and defend going on about “BUT IT'S FOR CHILDREN”,,,, know this.

i don’t give a solid fuck.

Not one.

Children arent stupid. Children are always going to remember the richy bitchy blonde who bullies the art kid, and the big kid, and the shy kid, and the non white kids, and was only nice to her equally rich white friend who she probably had a crush on or was only ever civil to her equally white lapdog. They're going to remember the half asian girl who was never allowed to actually be asian or the only black girl who existed solely as a soundboard for enabling bad habits or chastising the main character for the same habits she enables in the first place (boi aint THAT a topic for later). Like do i really need to explain that alya chastising marinette for taking max’s spot in gamer just to play with adrien rings absolutely hollow when she actively encourages her to sabotage the contest she’s in just so Kagami doesn't win?? Like I don't have to explain that right?? Again kids arent stupid and its quite something that Mari gets chastised for proving herself the best video game player regardless of her intentions just cuz it comes at the expense of max’s feelings/ego but is actively encouraged to sabotage not only kagami but herself by extension cuz kagami is ‘competition.’ Adrien is not a trophy to be won. And no I don't expect 14 yrs old to be perfect and to always make good decisions but these decisions are never addressed as being bad decisions. they get swept under the rug cuz those decisions were necessary for the ‘plot’ but astruc can barely keep characterization consistent and his characters suffer for it and it's the same children you preach are watching it that suffer as well. Cuz guess what? I KNOW 14 yr olds aren't like that cuz i've been there done that (this is the last time i'm saying that i promise) so I know astruc is just metaphorically throwing darts to figure out who says and does what without consideration for pre established personalities to drive the stalemate plot along. The same kids you say are watching this don't know that that's not how preteens work and will absorb and internalize those dynamics like baking soda and vinegar. Cata-fucking-strophically.

And I haven't even gotten to the boys yet. Which honestly doesn't require much explanation anyways cuz they suffer the same fate as the girls. Tired archetypes with nothing to give them life. Nino falls into Adrien’s person of colour token best friend who dates the female lead’s person of colour token best friend so they can have cute double dates uwu. Except the plot goes nowhere and we have no inclination of romantic development beyond moments that only act to actively convince me to anti ship the lovesquare (i don't want to do that so i self indulge in fanon that actually cares about the characters and plot. may i interest you in True Sight on AO3?). Max is the residential nerd but it doesn't matter (cuz he and everyone are dumbed down for the sake of ‘plot’), kim is the sports jock (which interestingly subverts the asian comedic relief stereotype but only barely) and luka is cute older guy ™ that wears black nail polish and is in a band. The point of all this is to say there is no depth in the characters. It's especially blatantly obvious with the characters astruc doesn't like (chloe). Again, it being a show for kids is not an excuse to be absolved of putting effort into the characters you make.

This is one of the biggest misses astruc has. I haven't even gone into all the nuances of this particular miss. And i havent gone into how that works against him in the plot either. Mostly because the plot itself hasn't gone anywhere and partially because I wanted to go into the plot (or lack thereof) separately as its own miss.

AND BOI is it a miss.

SO home boy astruc wanted to reap the benefits of a serial show with ‘engaging’ plot without putting in any of the work to make a linear storyline and relying on the episodic format for, again, marketability. You can't have the best of both worlds, you are not Avatar: The Last Airbender. Which btw has a lot less episodes and a desired end goal that didn't involve top dollar. Legend of Korra did but that's not the point and it had its failings with that too. I challenge you, tell me how many episodes actually contribute towards a plot point or introduce new thematic elements to the show? Can you name them? I can and I'm going to include the plot points that moved the story in some direction if only temporarily. Yes only temporarily for some of these and i will explain later. (if you're in the server you already saw this list *wink*)

25/26. Origins- self explanatory, the beginning of the story,

24. Volpina- introduction of the grimoire and Master Fu (kind of) and no, Lila is not a plot point,

28. The Collector- proper introduction of Master Fu,

37. Sapotis- introduction of Rena Rouge,

41. Syren- introduction of new aquatic power ups,

44. Anansi- introduction of Carapace,

47. Frozer- introduction of new ice power ups,

48/49. Style Queen- introduction of Queen Bee,

51/52. Heroes’ Day- introduction of Mayura and mass akumatization,

66. Startrain- introduction of Pegasus,

67. Kwami Buster- Marinette wears multiple miraculouses,

68. Feast- backstory as to how the miraculouses were lost,

69. Ikari Gozen- introduction of Ryuko,

70. Timetagger- introduction of Bunnyx,

71. Party Crasher- introduction of Roi Singe and Viperion,

73. Chat Blanc- alternate timeline that essentially means nothing but got a reaction out of fans anyways (myself included)

77/78. Love Eater/Battle of Miraculous- Marinette becomes guardian and other heroes lose their miraculous,

New York Special- other heroes exist and there is an American miraculous box,

That's 21 episodes. 21 out of a heaping 78 plus 2 specials. Everything else was just your typical akuma of the day episode and everything that happened outside that had no lasting consequences on the plot thanks to the miraculous status quo. Was it entertaining to watch Lila stir the plot of the class dynamic? Hell yeah. Too bad it meant nothing by the end of the episode cuz we were struck with miraculous status quo. She literally doesn't appear again until Heroes Day. that is from episodes 25 all the way to 51, she means nothing and yet she is treated with the severity of a b-villain/rival thing. She means nothing by the end of Volpina if I'm being honest. She is only relevant for 20 mins of episode time she’s in then it's back to magic status quo that undoes any shift in dynamics and relationships. It's like Spongebob who can't get his driver’s license. The worst part is I actually like Lila and I wish the story treated her with the seriousness we as an audience are expected to treat her with. Despite being painfully inconsequential by the end of each of the 3?? 4?? episodes she’s in, it's entertaining to watch a character create drama just because.

Too bad it means nothing.

Astruc is constantly building up suspense to something ‘important’ only for it to not deliver and fans are constantly having the rug pulled out from under us. Oblivio teased us with a reveal only that gets undone cuz memory akuma. Chat Blanc teased us with romantic development but that gets undone cuz time travel bullshit. Feast introduced more miraculous lore and the history of the guardians but that means nothing by the next episode or ever (i'm not including any reference to the season 4 trailer cuz i've been around the block a few times and im familiar with this lil dancy dance). Heroes Day teased us with a possible future team of heroes but that gets undone in Battle of Miraculous cuz ????? why?? (here's why; astruc was having a jolly ole time letting us know how irredeemable Chloe is at the expense of shooting his own stagnant plot in the foot. Again, discussion for later.)

Too bad anything that slightly swerves off course from the akuma of the day gets undone or ignored. Too bad nothing has any lasting consequence. I mean, if anything did, the episodes would have had a consistent order and release schedule so im not scrambling to watch the leaked ep in Portuguese or something while the french dub is two episodes behind while the english version hasnt even been dubbed. I really wonder how he plans to conclude the show when he’s so afraid to step out of the corner he painted himself in.

Again, not going into nuances. If you want you can ask for more specifics (i doubt anyone would) but this is really just a slightly detailed general overview of my opinions on astruc’s writing.

I was going to include another miss in his approach to this show but imma save that for another time.

How’s that for a ‘first’ post?

#mlb #opinions my guy opinions #i dont wanna tag this as salt #but mlb criticisms and analyses #IHTMO #the hashtag for this series #thomas astruc #miraculous fandom #miraculous ladybug #miraculous: tales of ladybug and cat noir #yes the government name again #come get yall juice #miraculous

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