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#the wounding and healing of desire
saturnvs · 25 days
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i badly want to return to my old riding school … there’s a person there that i really do not want to meet, but i think my love for the horses outweighs the fear of possibly bumping into that girl 🫣
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brookheimer · 9 months
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very funny that one of the main responses to the lizzo fat-shaming accusations is “but SHE’S fat!!!” as if internalized fatphobia doesn’t exist. like, you do realize that fat people have had that worldview beaten into them by literally every single person around them their entire lives, and famous fat people even more so. celebrity body positivity is so frequently performative — less about genuinely feeling positively about your body and other bodies that look like yours, more about trying to claw your way to having value in the eyes of society through any means possible. it’s out of spite and the desire to fit in. it’s not about conventional beauty not mattering, it’s about trying to expand the lens of societal atttactiveness to include you. lizzo was never trying to dismantle beauty standards as a concept, as a hierarchical way of perceiving society, as a value system. she just wanted to be valued within it — and that’s understandable, because we all want that, we all need to feel desired and worthwhile and valuable. but the best way for an outsider to become an insider is to know the hierarchy inside and out, then to enforce it yourself. if you’re able to gatekeep beauty and value from others, that implies you have access to it yourself. the only way for fat people to be valued within modern societal beauty constraints is to carve out a spot within that hierarchy and guard it with your life. i’m sorry if this is news to people, but so long as our perceptions of beauty remain the same, fat people will never be viewed as equally human — and especially fat women will never be viewed as equally woman. our beauty constraints are premised on a dehumanization of fatness. there is no way to exist as a fat person within that sphere without perpetuating those constraints yourself to prove to skinny people that you deserve to be there. this is why celebrity body positivity is so infrequently helpful long-term or big-picture — it’s not about setting all bodies equal to one another, it’s about raising your particular body equal to those at the top of the hierarchy. so of course lizzo bodyshamed her employees, her backup dancers, her assistants — that’s exactly what enabled her to become a “voice” for “body positivity.” without a position of power in that hierarchy, not only would her calls for body positivity not be heard, they likely wouldn’t exist in the first place; how are you going to feel positive about your body in our ever-competitive pyramid of beauty unless you have people below you to feel better than?
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sensitivegoblin · 6 months
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Fuck I'm yearning for soft attention so hard my body physically hurts
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pepprs · 8 months
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feeling despair i don’t know how to put into words. im trying to figure out why im like this and how i got to be this way but i can’t even do it bc of the way i am and what im like. if that makes sense. like the problem prevents me from fixing the problem bc i can’t get to the root of it. despair despair despair
#purrs#delete later#basically i can’t internalize anything about myself. i can’t internalize that i am talented smart strong whatever and i can’t internalize#evidence that i matter and belong and am loved. i take in this evidence constsntly and it just evaporates. and then it’s like i have none of#it at all and im starving and shaking and dying and howling like a wretched little animal. and i live in this constant defaulstate of like..#feeling worthless and alone and utterly empty and like everything in my life is a dream or something. and in feeling that way and being#quite literally incapable of having emotional object permanence.. i actually make that situation real for myself. i make myself alone and#wretched. i isolate myself and shut down and don’t let myself take up the space i can. and it’s just awful. it’s unfixabke.#i just suck it all dry. i deny myself to myself and to everyone else. and idk what made me like this bc i don’t think i always used to be#this way w depression and depersonalization or whatever the fuck dsm 6 type shit i have going on. but i can’t internalize anything about#myself and my life and have no desire / willpower to look back beyond a certain point and really analyze and probe to figure out what#happened to me to make me like this so i can heal the core wound. soim just constantly in wretched tortured panicking creature mode. awesome#this cry for help brought to you by: my sister guilt tripping me into doing her laundry + my brother showing me his beautiful music +#realizing that unlike redacted i have not documented every part of my life and have no access to early childhood artifacts that would reveal#anything about me and that it does n’t even matter / isn’t special anyway. i love being normal 😎🫶🏻‼️#at least i haven’t been dissociating as badly about work stuff lately but. that’s definitely still a thing too so. what if my whole life is#just the wrong timeline i wasn’t supposed to be in and nothing is actually real. lawl 😳#this is a ​really awesome time for my therapist to be going on a monthlong honeymoon btw 😍 she deserves it so much but omg im dying already
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feralstruggler · 7 months
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Hope you feel better soon. Stay strong.
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@star-platinum-vs-the-world
Thank you two for the kind words. I'm positive that things will be better again soon, the circumstances right now are just extremely exhausting and I feel like I'm at my current limit. But an end is in sight so I'll be able to catch a breath again. Really appreciate it guys and I hope y'all are doing well ♥
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yj-98 · 9 months
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do we all think that when jason was laz pitted he lost the J scar btw. bc i draw him scarred up but its like... post . laz pit i guess. but also i Do like when people add the J scar as an acknowledgment. but also its so sad to think abt . the whole. weight of THAT issue (being branded by his killer physically, not just mentally, in undeath)
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emcads · 2 years
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in today’s edition of : I will never stop talking about esme’s relationship to femininity, thinking about how she decided to ditch the convent only after she’d completed her education and was deemed fit to debut in court because she judged those skills just as worth learning as the sword and thought they would prove useful and valuable to her. there was no ‘i’m not like other girls’ ‘ew i’m not doing embroidery/wearing dresses/corsets/etc’ narrative moment, she simply did not want that future. and she is going hunting for a man just not quite like they anticipated.
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calico-heart · 3 months
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I know unicorns in modern media are kind of relegated to cutsie, MLP, rainbow plastic toys, or shitting rainbows, 'lets go to candy mountain' but man. I WISH more fantasy media would put them in unironically. There is so much symbolic and narrative potential in a creature that is, depending on your mythology:
A guardian of wild spaces, the embodiment of nature untouched by mankind's industry and greed. Fewer and farther between.
The ideal of "Purity" made manifest, elusive and powerful and hunted for fruitlessly by many a person. To kill. To actually kill. Living symbol of the oh-so-coveted Purity, not treated as a sacred thing to protect, or even predated for food to survive off, but a trophy for knights and lords to boast about.
So absolutely fierce and deadly that no one smart dared to fight it fairly. A gentle maiden had to betray it into resting in her lap so that a man could spear it while its guard was down.
Able to heal any wound no matter how severe - it promised miracles, if you could find one.
A creature who's magic vanished if it was captured or killed. In trying to take control of it, you destroyed it. Some things can only be given by free will, and no amount of personal desire or brute force can change that.
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hsmagazine254 · 4 months
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Nurturing Your Inner Child: A Journey Of Healing & Wholeness (Part 4) - Positive Reflection Of The Week
Cultivating Self-Compassion In the final segment, we’ll explore the importance of self-compassion in nurturing your inner child’s energy. In order to acknowledge and validate the feelings and needs of your inner child, self-compassion is essential. By cultivating self-compassion, you provide your inner child with a secure and nurturing environment where they can recover and thrive, releasing…
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gojonanami · 18 days
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❝ 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐈'𝐌 𝐀 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄 (𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈'𝐋𝐋 𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐌) ❞
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❝ WHAT HAPPENS YOU TAKE CARE OF NANAMI ALL YOUR LIFE -- AND HE DOES THE SAME FOR YOU ? ❞
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✧ pairing: nanami kento x sorcerer!reader
✧ summary: throughout your years of jujutsu tech, you take care of kento, whether its a wound from a curse or a simple cut his finger -- and when he returns he finds you still ready to take care of him -- even after shibuya.
✧ warnings: 18+, nsfw, smut, fluff, hurt / comfort w/ a happy ending, domesticity, jjk canon compliant au (because nanami is alive) reader is the same age as nanami, set during through the events of star plasma vessel to end of jjk, nanami getting hurt and reader taking care of him, reader gets a cold and nanami takes care of her, jealous! nanami, kitchen counter sex, soft dom! nanami, oral (f), fingering (f! receiving), sex (p in v), creampie, swearing
✧ wc: 7,657
✧ for my 2k celebration event: item 3 has been sold to two anons!
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“Show me,” Nanami furrows his brow in reply, jaw set as he glares, but he knew no amount of staring would get you to let this go. You stood in the doorway of his dorm room — your room was clear across on the other side where the girls resided, so he wondered for a split second how you knew he returned when it had barely been an hour, but answered his own question without having to utter a word (Haibara). 
“It’s not bad. It’ll heal by itself—“ and you’re shaking your head, and his lips purse, “it really isn’t worth speaking to Ieiri about — it’s not a wound, just a bruise—“ 
But still you stood, as immovable as ever — and he finally relented, unbuttoning his jacket, as he shrugged it off, unable to hide his wince as he revealed the large bruise that colored his skin in red, his skin peeling and angry, and surely would turn into a lovely mish-mash of purple and blue. 
You brush past him into the dorm room, as you brought a first aid kit in, setting it on the bed, turning your head before tilting it as if to say, “well?” 
He repents, as he always did with you — he knew a battle of wills with you was as unwinnable as a battle of jujutsu with Gojo — not to mention needlessly frustrating. He sat at the edge of his bed, eyes fixed to the floor, as you grabbed a washcloth from the kit, heading for his bathroom. He hears the sounds of water running, and the squeak of the faucet closing. 
You return as you lift his arm slightly, rolling up the sleeve of his t-shirt to his shoulder. 
Your touch is gentle — Nanami was always surprised at how gentle you always were. With the line of work you all did, it was easy to be rough, to find smooth edges corroded and jagged, but no, you remained as smooth and soft as you always were. 
He flinches when you bring the wet washcloth to raw skin, and you’re careful even as you seemingly pick out pieces of gravel and dirt stuck in his flesh. And you frown at the sight of it, doing your best to clean every bit. 
“So what happened?” you ask, and he gives a terse chuckle. 
“Didn’t Haibara tell you?” And you shrug, “I know he told you we’re back,” and your lips curl ever so slightly as your eyes meet him, a small amount of mirth returning. 
“Maybe I’m just a stalker,” and he can’t bite back the small smile on his lips, “Haibara told me you didn’t go to Ieiri, and that you got hurt protecting him on your mission,” 
He sighed, rubbing the back of his head, “Ieiri was busy dealing with Haibara, he got it worse than I did—“
“Even if your injury is less serious, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look after yourself,” and he sighs, as his eyes slide to you, “you need to learn to care about yourself, Nanami,” 
And he knew you were right on some level — he didn’t have a delusion of invincibility and he also didn’t have a strong enough desire to strive to be stronger, but — his fingers grasp at his sheets —that didn’t mean he wanted to see his friends die. “You don’t have to do this,” he says again, and you don’t meet his gaze when he looks over at you, your brow set in concentration, “it’s not important—“ 
“Nanami, you don’t ever seem to value yourself properly,” you finish cleaning his arm, before grabbing bandages and tape from the kit, “you are important — even if you don’t think you are,” 
And he opens and shuts his mouth — before a smile pulls at his lips — you were far too kind, especially for a jujutsu sorcerer. 
And then you add, “and if you don’t get your wounds tended to, I’m going to tell Gojo you want to take a sweets tour of Tokyo,” 
…maybe he spoke too soon. 
~~~~
“How did you manage to hurt yourself so badly during training?” You offer Nanami a makeshift ice pack, a small cloth wrapped up with ice from his freezer, and his lips pursed in disgust as his reply, “ah, Gojo,” the mattress shifted under his weight as he sat, 
“That arrogant idiot,” Nanami grumbled, as he pressed the ice pack to the back of his head, “his excuse was that he didn’t know his own strength — he’s lucky that he had infinity or I would have—“ 
You chuckle, “You know he’s just messing with you, it’s just because you react,” and he scowls at his floor of his room, as if his carpet was the six eyes sorcerer itself, “he’s not so bad—“ 
He raises an eyebrow, his mouth parted in disbelief, “Are you defending him right now?” And you chuckle, as you lean back against the side of his bed, your head leaning back against the soft comforter that you had bought him and guaranteed would help him sleep better (it only guaranteed that you would be asleep underneath it half the time they spent in his dorm relaxing). 
You wave him off, “Lower your blood pressure. I’m not defending him, I’m just saying, it can’t be easy being the strongest — all those eyes on you, the way people treat you, the—” 
“The weight of your overinflated ego that you have to carry around—” and you roll your eyes, and the action bites at his last nerve, because he thought if anyone would have his back, it would be you — the next words spit like venom out of his mouth, “I thought you were better than those girls that moon over Gojo,” 
And he regrets the words as they leave his lips, as you stare at him wordlessly — not with anger, but frustration — which hurts all the more, “If I was so in love with Gojo, then why am I with you instead of him?” He doesn’t have a reply as you rise to your feet and make your way out the door, the click of the door far too deafening, leaving him with a throbbing in his head — but not just from being hurt. 
His fingers curled tighter around the ice pack. Because why—why did the thought of you liking Gojo make his chest ache—the idea of your care and time spent on someone else, not even Gojo, but anyone else, made his stomach churn at the idea. 
He had told himself when he decided to become a sorcerer, he would do anything to avoid relationships — even friendships if he could do so. When you work a job like this, it can only end in disaster. but— his eyes slide to the closed door you had just left through. 
Why did this feel so much worse?” 
~~~
“You can’t stay here all night,” your voice cuts through the silence of the morgue — the only life left in the room. Because he too had died along with Haibara. 
Or rather he should have. 
He kept the towel over his eyes, unmoving from his chair, head resting back against the cold metal — as if it would protect him — from seeing Haibara sliced half over and over, last words dying on his lips said in pure chaos but somehow Nanami could still hear them ring in his ears— just as the sick crumple of his torso hitting the ground after being ripped from his body. The words leaving his lips as the last vestiges of life left his body, fingers twitching as his lips moved—
You got it from here. 
The hopeful optimism from a person seconds before death did little to comfort him. Not when that person should have been the one who lived. He had the one thing that was so rare in his shit world of jujutsu — kindness—
The very thing that left half his body lying against a metal slab.
“I can’t leave until…” he trails off, he didn’t wish to leave until his body was inspected and then taken to be…disposed of. He knew it was for the best that his body is turned to ash, but it made it no easier to consider the person that he knew to be his best friend would be nothing but ash in a few hours time, “I won’t leave him alone,” 
You nod, and the silence makes him wonder if you’re leaving, but instead he hears footsteps and the slight scraping of a metal chair against the floor. And he feels the slight brush of you beside him as you sit. 
And you don’t say a thing. The only thing is that your fingers brush his tentatively and when he doesn’t pull away you intertwine them. And that’s enough—for now. 
Until they take his body away. 
A sorcerer glances at the two of you, “Do either of you have contact with next of kin? We need to notify—“ 
“I’ll handle it,” Nanami says, the towel pulled away from his gaze, hoping his dark bags and red tinged eyes aren’t noticeable to you, but he sees the purse of your lips and knows they are. 
The sorcerer shifts, “Have you considered asking his family for—“ 
“That’s not an option,” Nanami cuts him off with a stare, and the sorcerer parts his mouth before shutting it again with a nod, “okay, please allow us to take his body,” 
And they do, pulling the sheet down ever so slightly that Nanami sees a flash of his face — no hint of that smile he always unfailingly had on his lips — it too was gone, just like he was. And they carefully wheel his body away — assumedly to be burned. And the door swings shut behind them — leaving only him and you. Silence hangs over the room, the finality of the moment leaves nothing in its wake but regret. 
And regret only felt hollow — just as his heart did. 
You choose to break the silence, a shaky sigh leaving your throat, as you quickly scrub tears away from your face, clearing your throat, “Come on, let’s go—”
“You can go ahead, I’m going to stay here for a while,” and your eyes try to find his own, but he still stares at the spot where Haibara’s body had laid for hours. The essence of cursed energy was almost too easy to understand compared to the concept of death — a person can be living, breathing, and talking one day to be nothing but a husk the next. And now, he knew it would be a lifetime of feeling as if something is missing — as if something was wrong — and moments where it felt fine would be overcome by only guilt and anger. 
What was the point of all of this? His fingers formed into fists, nails digging into his palms — were they nothing but pawns to be used in an unending game that forced sorcerers to not only to put their lives on the line, but their colleagues as well. A twisted game that only ended in a pile of corpses. 
“Nanami, you can’t stay here all night—” 
“I’m fine,” he rubs at his temples — and how long would it be until he’s staring at your body on that slab? Or maybe you’d be staring at his own—crying over his body just as he had done for Haibara, “you can go—” 
“I’m not leaving you, and you shouldn’t stay here — you need sleep—” 
“You don’t have to take care of me,” he snaps, his gaze meets yours, “I’m not injured, I didn’t even get hurt— ” 
“Yes you did,” you say quietly, as you step closer to him, but his eyes refuse to meet your own. 
“No—” and your hand finds his chest. 
“This pain is worse than any physical pain you could put in — and I wouldn't leave you to deal with a bruise by yourself, so what makes you think I’d leave you now?” you say softly, and tears burn at his eyes, as your hands gently pull him into your arms, his head buried against your chest, “I’m not leaving you, Nanami,” you murmur quietly, as your fingers slowly run through his hair. 
And you didn’t — he was the one who left you. 
~~~~
You never get sick. That’s what you loved to brag about — especially yesterday when you got home from spending an entire two days in the rain soaking wet and ice cold without a hint of cold symptoms. 
You supposed your bragging was a curse in and of itself because now you were buried under your comforter. You barely manage to text Shoko that you’re sick and you won’t be able to make it to class today. And now you had to wonder if it was worth the effort to get out of bed to take your medication or to simply sleep it off.
But your body made the choice for you as your eyes fluttered shut and you slipped into a fitful sleep, body burning from the inside out. 
Consciousness faded in and out, as you felt something brush against your forehead, your eyes heavy as they open ever so slightly, a flash of blue and blond, before you fall back into sleep. 
Your head aches, muscles heavy, and the smell of spices wafted through the apartment, “Are you finally awake?” a voice said, as your eyes flutter open, still burning at the corners as your head turns. 
“Nanami?” You croak out, throat raw and dry, as if your flesh was raked across coals, “what are you—“ 
He turns his head from your kitchenette — a ladle in hand, before he sets it down, wiping his hand with a dishcloth. And he steps over to your bed, pulling the washcloth from your forehead, before placing a cold washcloth, “your fever went down a little,” he said, “but I brought cold medicine and I made some soup for you,” 
“You didn’t—“ 
“Have to?” his lips quirked up, “I know I didn’t have to, I wanted to,”
“How did you know I was—“ and his eyes find yours, “Shoko,” and he nods, you relax back into your bed, “how long have you been here?” 
He turns back around to finish cooking the soup for you, stirring, the metal of the ladle slightly clinking against the sides of the pot, his eyes flicker to your clock, “About an hour and half, hasn’t been too long,” 
“Why are you taking care of me?” you mumble, glancing at his back, as he lifted the ladle to pour into a small bowl to taste the seasoning of the soup, “you don’t owe me anything—“
“I owe you a lot,” he cuts you off, the clatter of the bowl against the counter as he sets it down, the click of the stovetop as he shut it off, “but that’s not the reason I did it,” and your brow is furrowing under the washcloth, as he walks over to you, a smile tugging at his lips. 
“Then why?” 
And he raises an eyebrow, “Why do you think?” And his fingers brush your cheek, “you’re the only reason I’ve stayed here as long as I have, otherwise I would have left, a long time ago,” and you don’t know how it’s possible for your face to grow warmer but it does from his words and his touch that lingers against your cheek. 
And he’s gone as quickly as he came, going over to the stove to take out a bowl of soup for you to drink, “can you stay after I finish eating? Until I fall asleep?” You ask, as he brings the bowl over, as you sit up slowly, head spinning as you do still. 
“Of course,” and he does, staying by your side after you eat and take your medicine, hearing your quiet murmur, “thank you, Kento,” 
And he realizes, as his lips curl into a smile, fingers brushing a stray strand of hair from your face, just how much he liked hearing his name on your lips. 
~~~
“How did you manage to hurt yourself on our last mission together as students?” you sigh, the worry in your voice making his lips curl — as the two of you had just found yourselves in his dorm room, as you rifle through his bathroom to pull out the first aid kit you had given him (after you had learned he didn’t own one). 
You return to him sitting on the edge of his bed, holding his hand up in such a way that he didn’t drip blood all over his sheets. Your fingers brush his own, and he’s still surprised at how soft your hands are. His hands had grown rough from the years of jujutsu, calloused from the grip of his fingers around his blade handle, but somehow, yours were always as soft as he remembered them. 
Your fingers found his, warmth blooming as your brow wrinkled as you scruntized the cut on his hand, “Maybe we should ask Shoko to look at it—” 
“There wasn’t any cursed energy that cut me — it was just—” 
“Debris, I know,” and this seemingly did little to soothe your worries,  had gotten when pushing you out of the way of the curse, “I had it handled — you shouldn’t have dove in—” 
“It’s fine, it’s not that bad—” but your glare cuts off his sentence, as you begin to clean the wound. 
You shake your head, “What am I going to do with you? Every time you go on a mission, I’m going to be worrying about what trouble you’re going to get yourself into,”
He’s silent, his eyes unable to meet yours — he can’t keep hiding this from you. He had made the decision months ago — and it was only a matter of time before someone else slipped up and told you (most likely Gojo). 
“I’m leaving after graduation,” he says the words like ripping off the bandage, but it hurts him all the more when your fingers are still for a moment, your eyes finding his own, as you stare at him. 
“You’re—” you cut off, and you don’t protest, you don’t argue — you only ask one question — “Why?” 
And that one question was more difficult to answer than any other you could have asked, a sigh stuck in his throat, as he shook his head. 
“I can’t do this anymore — I haven’t wanted to since—” he cuts off, mouth impossibly dry — it was easy to tell Yaga he wasn’t going to continue, even easier to take care of half a dozen grade 2 curses at once — but this was— “I can’t stand by and watch my colleagues die one by one beside me — I don’t want to live like this. I’m sorry—” 
“You don’t have to be sorry, Kento,” his heart squeezes at the sound of your voice wrapped around his name — what you had taken to calling him recently — “as long it’s what you want. I know it’s been difficult—I was surprised you hadn’t left when—” and your voice falters, neither of you could bear to bring up his name, refusing to even utter it around the other — as if it would summon every horrible memory from that time—and your voice is soft, “I just want you to be happy,” 
And there’s nothing more than he wanted to be the one to make you happy — nothing more than he wanted to ask you to be by his side, let him be the one to take care of you, and nothing more he wanted than to ask you to leave with him—
But that was the one thing he could never ask you to do. 
Just as you would never ask him to stay for you. 
“I want you to be happy too,” he murmurs, as you continue to clean his cut, before your fingers are moving to grab the bandages, slowly beginning to wrap them around his palm, “more than even myself,” 
“What’s new?” he wrinkled his brow, and you chuckle, “I mean, you never put yourself first, and I’m glad you are now. You deserve to be happy, even if it’s not….here,” and you finish bandaging his hand, but his fingers curl around yours, “Ken—“ 
He squeezes your hand softly and his words are just as soft,  “You would be the only one who could ever make me happy,” and he hears your breath catch, and it only makes him want to steal it from your lips with his own, “because I know that being by your side would be only thing that could satisfy me,” 
Your fingers brush against his cheek, “Too bad I’m apparently in love with Gojo—“ you tease, all too pretty smile as you do, and his lips draw even closer, “Kento—“ 
“And if you’re so in love with Gojo, why are you here with me?” And he waits, waits for you to pull away, to stop him, to show any indication you didn’t want this—
But you close the gap instead, lips barely brushing his, so chaste, and yet it’s a spark to kindling — a fire neither of you should have lit. And yet, his lips find yours, insistent, his fingers cup your cheek, featherlight touch drawing a shiver down your body that he relishes in. 
“Kento—“ 
“Why is it my name on your lips?” And he kisses you again and again, your noses brushing each other’s, he’s murmuring your name like a prayer, and if it was, he would worship at your altar each day, “Why it is that you’re kissing me?” 
And your lips curl against his, as they find his again, “You kissed me first,” and he can taste the sweetness of the melon bread you had shared with him that morning, but something even sweeter that only be you, “so why did you do that?” 
But you knew why — especially from the smile gracing your features, one that he wished he could have etched in the inside of his mind, “Isn’t it obvious?” and your lips part to answer, but he cuts you off with another brush of your lips, “I love you,” 
And your eyes widen only slightly, but you’re kissing him again, arms curling around his neck, fingers sliding behind his neck — “Figured that out when you got jealous of Gojo, but I’m glad you admitted it,” and your forehead finds his, “and that I love you too,” 
You loved him — you loved him — he had to tell himself again and again, but he still couldn’t fathom it. Was it a dream? You were always a dream to him — something he could nearly grasp with his fingers, but always remained just out of reach. 
And now he held you in his hands and he never wanted to let go. But he had to — he knew he had to. 
So he would — even if it would hurt — hurt that no bandage would fix. 
He kissed you again, unless you were the one to place it. 
~~
“Why is it that I always find you like this?” Nanami’s eyes slowly met yours — he sat in Ieiri’s office, waiting to be seen, only find you there in the doorway instead, “it’s as if you’re asking to be patched up by me, Kento,” 
How long had it been? And somehow he knows the answer before even thinking about it — it had been nearly a decade. A decade since the two of you had graduated — you moving to Kyoto to help run the campus there, while he had moved onto a regular college and then a corporate job — one that had nearly sucked his soul dry of any life he had to begin with. And it was only when he had received gratitude for the first time in a long time — that he remembered the reason he had stayed a jujutsu sorcerer after Haibara…
And now, here was the other. 
He murmurs your name, nearly sounding foreign on his lips, “How did you—” 
“I ran into your student, Nanamin,” and he furrows his brow at the nickname — Itadori’s little name for him after he had refused to be his sensei. Because he wasn’t one — Gojo may have taken up the mantle of teacher for his own personal ego trip — but he wasn’t ready to form relationships like that. And yet…his lips curl, there you were, “didn’t think you wanted to be a teacher,” 
“I don’t, but how can I refuse that white haired idiot?” he half grumbled with a sigh, eyes still slowly grazing over you, “but I don’t want to talk about him right now,” 
You draw a step closer, shutting the door behind you, a lilt in your voice as lovely as your grin, “Then what do you want to talk about?” and you stop right in front of him, as your fingers reach out, and he’s nearly leaning into your touch, but he’s wincing, as your fingers press against his bruised body, “because I want to talk about how you ended up in such rough shape,”
A sigh stuck in his throat, his next words nearly along with it, “It could have been much, much worse,” he murmurs, “if Itadori wasn’t there, I—” he breaks off, “that special grade — he could touch my soul and it had caught me in its domain—”
And your arms are pulling you into a tight hug, your fingers running through his hair, “But you’re here, you’re okay,” you murmur softly, your palm pressed against his chest, you can feel his heart pump under your fingers, “you made it,” 
“But—” 
“But nothing, Kento, you’ll make it back every time,” your fingers cup his cheek, pressing your forehead against his, “right?” 
Your touch was the only thing that could truly make him feel whole again — as if every crack in his soul had been mended with gold, “how do you know?”
And your lips curl into a soft smile, your head tilting ever so slightly, “Because you love me, right?” 
The chuckle on his lips is nearly enough to bite back his nerves as the words leave his lips, “I’ve loved you for years, sweetheart, that’s nothing new,” 
You’re shaking your head, “And all these years, we always found our way back to the other, right?” your hand finds purchase on his shoulder now, the other against his cheek, “so we just have to keep doing that,” 
“You make it sound so simple,” he murmurs, and your lips find his — and it makes him wonder how he had spent so much time without your touch, because right now it was the only thing keeping him whole — stealing the doubts from his head and the aches from his body — leaving only heat filling the empty gaps left behind.
“It is simple,” your hand interlaces with his, “if we let be.” 
~~~
“I’m starting to think you hurt yourself on purpose around me more now that we’ve moved in together,” you examine the small cut on his finger, a nick from the knife that the ratio sorcerer had been using to slice his freshly baked loaf of bread. Scarlet slipped from the small cut, and his soft murmur of ‘ouch’ unfortunately had not gone unheard by you. He swore you must have selective hearing — you wouldn’t listen when he told you to go to bed, but you’d hear him hiss in pain under his breath even when half asleep on 
“It’s not too deep, I think just a bandage should be fine,“ Your brow knit together as you purse your lips, and he bit back his smile, knowing it would only serve for him to get scolded for not being more careful. 
“It’s nothing, love, I can take care of it—“ and his breath catches when your lips find their way around his finger, sucking slightly to ease the bleeding, your tongue flicking over the cut, “sweetheart—“ he swears under his breath, a distinct flush burning at the crown of his cheeks, “what—“ 
“They say saliva can help a cut heal faster,” you smile, before pulling a bandage out of the first aid kit you had pulled out, and your lips press a sweet kiss to his cut again, a smirk as you meet his gaze, “Ken—” 
And he’s kissing you, your body tenses a moment only to melt into his touch, your arms wrapping around his neck — he can taste his blood on your lips, raking your fingers through his hair. He can only think about getting closer, closer, closer — he needs you. His hands slide down your back, until they find your hips, squeezing, as he presses himself to you. 
“Baby,” you murmur breathlessly, as your lips part his, a gasp that turns to a soft moan when his lips press heated kisses down your jaw. His nose brushes against the soft skin of your neck, as he presses you against the counter of his apartment, his hands slide down, large palms grasping your ass, “I need—” 
“What do you need?” his fingers sneaking up and down the sides of your body. His teeth graze your pulse, your head falls back, exposing more of your neck to him, as his tongue soothes the mark he left behind, “because you know I’ll give you anything you ask for, sweetheart,” 
And his fingers dig into the flesh of your thighs as he lifts you onto the counter, calloused palms pressing your legs apart — but he barely has to, your thighs already spreading for him. And he finds your shorts nearly soaked through — your drenched cunt visible even through the two layers of fabric stuck together from your arousal. 
But you don’t need to ask for him to know what you want — it’s second nature, it’s instinct for his fingers to dip inside the waistband of your shorts and underwear alike, tugging them both down, until you were kicking them off. 
“Is all this for me?” he murmurs, pressing a sweet kiss to your inner thigh, as two fingers graze down your slit, gathering your pre on his fingertips, before he meets your gaze only to lick his fingers clean, “I was never one for sweets — except when it came to you. Sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted,” 
Your head lolls back, as his thick fingers circle your clit with practiced ease, pulling back only to drag his tongue up the length of your needy cunt. And your eyes find his again, heady gaze heavy with need and his pretty lips and chin already glossy with your juices. 
“Kento—fuck,” your fingers thread through his blonde locks. First, one finger sinks in and then another — 
his nose bumping against your clit as his tongue stretches your walls in tandem with your fingers, grinding against his face, “s’good, I can’t—“
But he’s relentless, the wet squelch of your messy walls and your choked out moans ring in his ears and are nearly enough to make him cum right in his pants — already far too tight, blood rushing downwards far too quick. 
Another
“Such a good girl,” Kento murmurs, and you are, so perfect — “just let me take care of you,” 
“Kento, please, more, need—“ and his lips find your clit, tongue flicking against the hardened bud, before sucking long and hard, while a third finger joins the other two. Your back arches, the coil in your stomach grows tighter and hotter — your slick dripping from your messy hole onto the counter. 
His fingers squeeze at your flesh, and he could live between your legs forever — it could be his meal morning, noon, and night — he could spend hours lapping at you until you fell apart over and over. His fingers stretch you out far too deliciously, and your walls are giving that telltale flutter. 
“Kento—g’nna cum—I—“ and his fingers are fucking you harder and his lips close around your clit, sucking hard, until you’re moaning his name, muscles growing tight as you fall apart. You’re a mess, your fingers trying to press his head impossibly closer as you grind against him, riding out your orgasm, as your juices gush over his face — and he’s lapping up every drop, as you fall limp against the counter, his arm slipping around your back to support you. 
Your eyes flutter open to watch him pulling away with a pop, strings spit and cum connecting you to your cunt. His gaze drags over you, watching your juices drip against the counter, as he murmurs quiet praises, licking his lips clean of your release. 
And your fingers find his cheeks, pulling him into a deep kiss, moaning as you taste yourself on his lips, the filthiness of it all enough for his cock to grow even harder against your thigh. And it’s a matter of moments, before your fingers are tugging at his sweatpants and boxers, freeing his erection, his pretty cock all but ready for you — lovely ruddy head dripping with pearly white beads of precum. 
“Look at what you do to me, love,” he murmurs, as your eyes meet his, gaze blown out in lust. 
“Kento, please,” and his lips curl, his fingers raking through your hair, as he pulls you even closer, his erection bumping against your sopping pussy, “I want—“ 
He drags his cock over your slit, watching his pre mix with your release, the two of you groaning when his tip catches on your clit, “what do you want sweetheart? Tell me, tell me what you need,” his arms are hooked around your knees, pressing them to your chest. 
You keen when his tip teases your sopping hole, “I need you to fuck me—“ and you’re whining as his cock pressed into you, splitting you open on his length — and god you could never get used to how big he was — you could feel very pretty vein and delicious curve—
Fuck, he could bust just looking down at you, at the way your lips parted for him as he had sunk into you, the way he could see how your pussy stretched around his dick — like you were made for him. Pleasure ripped up his spine at the sight — his fingernails digging crescents into your hips. 
And he knew that he was certainly made for you. 
“S’good, s’full — please,” you’re nearly mewling, begging for him to move, “Kento—“ and he obliges, unable to hold back any longer, as he begins to slowly rock his hips against you, each stroke getting longer and deeper. His balls slap against your hips, as he picks up the pace — your walls squeezing around him. 
“Fuck, sweetheart, didn’t think you could get any tighter,” he grunts, his cock stuffed inside your walls, and he’s gritting his teeth, your soft moans and the noises of your pretty pussy becoming too much for him. White ring of release formed around his base — his balls growing tight as he inches closer and closer to blow his load, “you always can f’me, can’t you?” 
And he gives a particularly hard thrust, right as his lips find yours in a messy, sloppy kiss — all tongue and teeth, your head falls back when his tip finds your g-spot again and again. You squirt all over his length, soaking him and the counter with your release, as he fucks you through your orgasm, again and again. Your toes curl when he finally comes, his release painting your walls with his thick, hot release — fucking it deeper and deeper, and he’s notching himself inside. 
You’re slumping against him, your eyes shut, as he pulls you closer into his arms, pressing sweet kisses all over your face until he finds your lips again. 
“I love you,” you mumble, eyes fluttering open as he cups your chin, a soft smile on his lips. 
“I love you more,” and he’s slowly lifting you, carrying you over to your shared bed, and you’re burying your face in the crook of his neck. 
“But what about your cut?” You mumble, and a chuckle on his lips, as he presses a kiss to your forehead, as he sets you down on the bed, grabbing a damp washcloth to clean you up. 
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, you’ve done plenty,” he murmurs, as he finishes cleaning you up, only to slip into bed beside you — “let me take care of you.” 
~~~
It was over. 
That’s what Nanami had thought when Mahito had stopped him in his tracks, his hand pressed against his chest, but more importantly, against his soul. 
“I didn’t know you were here,” Nanami said, his eyes unable to tear away from the curse’s. 
He could barely feel anything anymore — the stinging had dulled somewhere between his trek down the winding tunnels of Shibuya station. Instead, he could only hear the echo of his footsteps, as he had forced himself to take one step forward over and over and over — and that’s when he had seen them. 
The congregation of curses or mutated humans — he didn’t know which they were, but did it really matter at this point? It didn’t. He dispatched them all the same — all while his thoughts were only filled of you — you, you, you and you. 
And a beach in Malaysia. 
“Yeah, Kuantan would have been nice,” and it would have been — it was only a few months away. The vacation the two of you had meticulously planned out. The days spent out walking the beach, lounging by the water with the books neither of you had never read, and nights falling asleep by each other’s side to the metronome of the waves crashing. 
And now, he had found himself, staring death in the face — an echo of his near death from only a few months ago. How had it come to this already? He had always felt he was running out of time — constantly watching the clock, trying to run it out for his retirement, only for it to run out before he could make it to those sandy shores he had dreamed of. 
“Yup. The whole time,” Mahito replies, lips in an easy smile, “Wanna chat? We go way back, after all,” 
Nanami’s eyes fall to the floor, the dirtied and bloodied tiles underneath his feet — he didn’t feel like spilling his guts to a curse. 
Haibara, what the hell was I trying to do? He asks in his mind, not even daring to say the words aloud, I ran. Even though I ran away, I came back with the vague reason of finding the work worthwhile. 
And then he sees Haibara, appearing in front of him, patented smile on his lips, as he points south — points right at— 
“Itadori,” Mahito says. 
“Nanamin!” his eyes wide as he takes in his state — horror painted on his face, already so helpless — what else had he seen and now he had to see this too? He shouldn’t have had to see this. He should have been a normal kid — worrying about normal things — not fighting monsters in some damned subway tunnel. 
But what could he do about what now? What could he do but stop? 
Could he finally stop? 
No, Haibara. That’s not right. I can’t say that to him. It’ll just end up becoming a curse for him. 
But it’s a curse every jujutsu sorcerer had to bear — made to bear until there were either no curses or no sorcerers left. 
But he couldn’t regret it now. 
“Itadori,” his lips curl, smiling for the last time, “you’ve got it from—“ 
And then there’s a crash — screaming, the sound of blood splattering. It takes him a minute to realize it wasn’t him. 
It was you. 
You had crashed between the two of them, sending the curse flying with your cursed energy, the impact drawing blood from you and Mahito alike. Your arm was around his body — and Nanami is whispering your name. 
“I told you, Kento, we’re always going to come home — even if I have to drag you there,” you say, your eyes still flickering between Itadori and Mahito, “Itadori, tske Nanami—“ 
“No, this is my fight,” he shakes his head, his fingers clenched into fists, “I almost let Nanamin die — I have to do this—“ 
“Yuji—“ you say, but he’s already barreling towards Mahito, and you’re whispering fuck, as you take Nanami in the opposite direction. 
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry,” and his eyes are barely able to stay open, as you help carry his weight alone the deserted subway, “I’m sorry—“ 
“Why are you sorry—“ but he’s barely awake along enough to hear your question, until it’s all black. 
It takes him several months to recover. Cursed energy healing could only do so much, especially since Ieiri was spread thin enough with everything between Shibuya, the Culling Games, and everything else that came after. 
Most of the brunt of his care had fallen on you — you changed his bandages, tended to his wounds, dealt with any signs of infection with help from Ieiri, and handled everything else around the house. 
“Why do you do all of this for me?” He asks quietly, one day while he sits, your back turned while you washed the dishes from lunch — the clinking of plates and the sound of water running that squeaks shut when he asks. 
You turn, lips in a frown, “what do you mean, Kento?” 
His fingernails dig into his knee, biting back a sigh, as you walk over after wiping your hands off, “it’s been months of you just…taking care of me. I don’t get it — I didn’t understand when we were students when you insisted on caring for me, and now…” he swallows, his throat still impossibly dry—even after all treatment, nothing still tasted the same, “I’ve just become a burden—“ 
You cup his cheeks, “Kento, you are never a burden to me—“ 
“But—�� 
“But nothing — wouldn’t you do the same for me if I was in your position?” But he’s shaking his head. 
“It’s not—“ 
“Kento, do you remember our first mission together?” he blinks, his brow furrowing, but you only smooth it with your fingers, “it was my first mission — I had barely gotten the hang of using cursed energy — I hadn’t even exorcised a curse before, but as always, jujutsu society had left children to bear the burden of survival amongst themselves,” and your fingers find his, “but you never left me alone. I froze in front of the curse. I didn’t know what to do with myself — even while you dealt with two others on your own — you still managed to save me, even though you managed to hurt yourself in the process,” your voice was soft, your hand finding his, lacing your fingers with his, squeezing his hand — but he’s not sure whether it’s to remind him you’re here or to remind yourself that he’s still here, “and you don’t remember it do you?” his lips purse, as his eyes can’t find yours, gaze cast downwards, but he hears you give a soft chuckle. 
“I look at you and I see all the ways a soul can bruise — because you’ve taken hits that weren’t yours to take — you’ve taken challenges that shouldn’t have been yours to bear,” your fingers skim over his cheeks, “even in what you thought were your last moments,” your voice breaks, swallowing back tears, “your thoughts were of others — of helping your students, of Itadori, of me—” you shake your head, “and you think I’m doing too much for you? I think you deserve so much more than me—“ 
“All I need is you,” his voice is breaking, swallowing thickly, “that’s all I ever wanted,” 
“Then just stay here with me — that would be enough for me,” you lean close and press your lips to his — and even still, the taste of your kiss was never any less sweet, “all I want is to come home to you, you think you can handle that?” 
His lips find yours again, as they always would, “I’ll show you.” 
~~~
“It doesn’t hurt that bad,” and Nanami chuckles, his hands hooked around your knees and thighs, as your arms wrapped around his neck, your head resting on one of his shoulders, “Kentoooo, you don’t have to—“ 
“I want to, and I’m not going to risk it getting any worse by letting you walk on the sand — the sunset was painting the water in hues of gold, pinks, and purples — and the beauty of this beach was only made better by your presence, “just let me do this for you, love,” and you sigh, relenting, as you bury your face in the side of his neck. 
“My husband is so doting, just a small cut on sea glass makes you this crazy?” and he shivers slightly, but it’s not from the slight sea breeze tickling his nose, but from your nose brushing against your neck, “are we headed back already?” 
“How else will we treat your foot?” your hands slide over his bare skin — the skin still scarred as it always would be, an eye tucked away under an eyepatch — unable to be saved — but your husband was saved all the same, “unless Ieiri taught you how to used reversed cursed technique before our vacation,” 
“It’s really not that bad—” 
“Is this your first time being a patient?” and you pout, as he chuckles, vibration of his sweet laugh against your chest as you press yourself impossibly closer, especially when you see the looks of others as the two of you walk by. 
“It’s embarrassing to be carried like this,” you murmur, “come on baby, I can walk the rest of the way,” but he only hums, casting a small glance over his shoulder. 
“I like carrying you like this,” his lips curled in a smirk, “everyone knows you’re mine this way,” and your cheeks burn, and you kiss his cheek, pouting as you do, “we’ll be back on the beach soon enough — we have all the time in the world sweetheart,” 
And you did — you bury your face in the side of his neck again — with him— 
Always. 
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✧ a/n: this has been a long time coming!! i feel like with every one of these fics i'm never happy with them, but then they end up being better than i remember. apparently i just don't like my writing very much haha. i hope you guys enjoy <3 it's been so long since i wrote nanamin, so i hope it came out good <3
✧ taglist: @1angel-digits1, @i-spilt-ink-on-my-phone, @freaky-show, @strangehuman101, @nanamis-baker, @hanxyy, @chosobeee, @luneriaa, @being-me-is-not-a-sin, @forest-fruits-jam, @unorthodoxfaithxx, @caelestine-the-caelicatto, @kenmei, @somrou, @spider-fan72, @missukiyo
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catcatb0y · 1 year
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Stupid wounds should heal faster.
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justana0kguy · 1 year
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2023 MARCH 18 Saturday
"Come, let us return to the LORD, it is He who has rent, but He will heal us; He has struck us, but He will bind our wounds. For it is love that [He] desires, not sacrifice, and knowledge of God rather than holocausts."
~ Hosea 6:1,6
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oofthwoods · 1 month
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STEPS TO YOU! ── ˙ ̟ lando norris !!
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 :: lando norris hates the idea of soulmates. for him, it's hard to see everyone in his life with a matching tattoo, or a timer, or the inability to see colors, while he has to be content with the fact that he may never find his perfect match. that is, until he starts to see mysterious footprints around the paddock, hinting at a path he never expected.
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 :: this is my confession that my favorite soulmate!aus are the ones where they don't think they have one. the sadness of thinking you are not destined for a great love only to find out that there's someone out there for you??? mwah chefs kiss
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 :: to be added.
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LANDO NORRIS WAS A ROMANTIC AT HEART.
He had a secret love for romantic comedies. Watching couples overcome comical obstacles before finding their happy ending always brought a smile to his face. Though he would never admit it, he found joy in the cliched plots and endearing moments portrayed on screen.
The Brit also enjoyed weddings. Family, friends, or mere acquaintances— it didn't matter. To him, the ceremony was a tangible display of true love that existed beyond the silver screen and scripted Hollywood romances.
Despite everything, Lando knew that he would never experience anything like it. Everyone around him seemed to have a sure sign that they were meant for great love: Carlos with his past life visions shared with his beloved, George with his key pendant symbolizing his destiny, and even Oscar, who occasionally vanished, leaving a girl in his place. But not Lando. No visions, no tattoos, no words etched on his arm foretelling what his soulmate would say upon their first encounter. He felt like an outsider in a world where everyone seemed to have found their perfect match, while he knew he would be alone forever.
As Lando's realization sunk in, it was an emotional rollercoaster. He wasn't just a late bloomer; he wasn't meant to blossom at all. In his childhood innocence, he embraced his supposed independence and declared that girls were gross and he could live without someone by his side forever. But as adolescence took over, he found himself increasingly on the sidelines, watching as close friends shared stories of connection and love, filling him with a painful mix of envy and despair.
Every tale of someone else's romance felt like a dagger to the heart, a wound that refused to heal. Lando couldn't help but wonder what he had done to deserve this solitary fate in a world where everyone else seemed to find their soulmates.
Occasionally, he gazed up at the dark expanse above, yearning for solutions. Had the universe overlooked him or was love just not in his destiny? Some claimed that soulmates were like atoms connected since before the Big Bang, their bond enduring despite eons passing. But what did this mean for Lando? Was he destined for a solitary life even before the cosmos took shape?
As an adult, Lando struggled to convince himself that he had come to terms with his fate. He told himself over and over again that finding true love was possible without a soulmate being involved. It didn't have to be some cosmic arrangement. Yet, deep down, even as he tried to comfort himself with this reasoning, he couldn't shake the desire for something more. He yearned to be uniquely crafted for someone, to be cherished wholeheartedly despite his imperfections and weaknesses.
Lando shook his head, pulling himself out of his thoughts and back into the present moment. The unforgiving Melbourne sun beat down on him, its golden rays spreading across the circuit. Heat radiated all around him, almost suffocating in its intensity. He cursed his decision to wear an orange hoodie that morning as a bead of sweat rolled down his forehead. Walking from the entrance to his garage, he couldn't escape the discomfort caused by the heat. The thick fabric clung to his skin, trapping him in its grasp as the temperature continued to rise.
Beside him, Oscar emanated an infectious energy. The pilot was fully immersed in the atmosphere of his home country's race, evident through his beaming smile. Despite the hustle and bustle around them, they maintained a calm demeanor, as if they were in a world of their own, oblivious to the cameras of the photographers trying to capture every moment.
Lando observed Oscar's anxious glances, as if he was searching for a particular person.
Deciding to break the silence, Lando asked, "Has your family arrived?"
Oscar's mind seemed elsewhere as he replied, "Oh, yeah. They're here. I'm just looking for someone else."
Someone else. Lando's brow furrowed as he thought about the mysterious bond between Oscar and his soulmate. Every now and then, without warning or explanation, the Australian would switch places with the girl he was connected to. Initially, Lando feared that this could happen during a race and result in a disastrous outcome. However, he soon realized that the universe was smart enough to only make these switches when both were safe.
"You met her?" Lando finally asked, curious about Oscar's soulmate. He looked at him with confusion before smiling sadly.
"Not yet, and she's not the one i'm looking or," Oscar replied, bringing a small sense of relief to Lando. He immediately felt guilty for wishing that others wouldn't find their soulmates, knowing it was selfish and petty.
Additionally, Lando could recall a peculiar incident from the previous year, when Oscar suddenly disappeared, and a girl had surprisingly turned up in the McLaren garage, clad in pajamas and exuding an unusual calmness about the situation. He remembered her as a charming and witty girl, and the thought that Oscar had someone special to share his life with brought a comforting warmth to Lando's heart, though it was tinged with a hint of jealousy.
"I have a friend coming over today," Oscar interjected, breaking through Lando's thoughts. "We went to elementary school together, but it's been a while since we've seen each other. She finished college last year, and managed to take a few days off to visit."
Lando nodded along as Oscar talked about his friend, dividing his attention between their conversation and the busy paddock. He couldn't help but notice weird stains on the ground and wished people would be more considerate of the space.
The two McLaren pilots still had a few minutes before the first meeting and the final free practice before qualifying. They decided to take refuge from the scorching sun inside their respective driver's rooms, seeking a moment of tranquility before the hustle and bustle of the track.
Lando made his way down the narrow path to the driver's room, noticing strange marks on the floor. The team garage was typically spotless, and he couldn't comprehend how it had become so messy.
"Who the hell made this mess?" Lando furrowed his brow and glanced around the room.
Oscar, perplexed, asked, "What mess?"
With a chuckle, Lando replied, "Are you blind? Look at the damn floor, it's covered in stains." He pointed to the ground with his arm.
Oscar tried to play along, forcing a laugh. "Mate, did you hit your head on the way here? The floor is spotless, as always."
Lando's eyes narrowed as he examined the stains on the ground more closely. What he imagined was dirt from a worker's shoe, appeared to not be random splatters; they seemed deliberate, almost forming a pattern. And then, in a sudden moment of clarity, Lando's heart skipped a beat as he realized the stains looked like footsteps.
"This is strange," he muttered, crouching down to get a better look.
Hearing Lando's concern, Oscar joined him and peered at the marks. "What are you thinking?"
Lando's mind was filled with various thoughts. He wondered if the intense heat was causing him to hallucinate. A thought crossed his mind that someone had wandered into the garage barefoot, possibly in search of new shoes. Everything seemed mildly possible.
Despite his efforts to suppress it, a nagging part inside him reminded him of the nights he spent wondering about potential invisible soulmate connections. He couldn't help but recall the excitement of discovering invisible threads - like leaving colorful marks upon touch or having their thoughts connect when within a certain distance, almost like telepathy. Things that wouldn't appear on his body when he turned eight, but still meant he had someone.
The 15-year-old version of himself seemed to be pounding on his chest, making him remember the thread through footsteps that he had long forgotten about, and started to question if even existed. Yet, Oscar didn't seem to notice the distinct marks on the floor and Lando couldn't possibly be hallucinating from dehydration.
Oscar placed his hand on Lando's back and felt a shiver run through his friend's body. "Lando, you're starting to worry me. Do you want to go to the medical bay?"
Lando quickly got up from the floor, shaking off Oscar's touch. "No need, Os. I'm fine." He forced a smile, but there was a lump in his throat as he tried to swallow down the fear and uncertainty. He didn't want to get his hopes up again, only to have them crushed once more.
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"What do you think of the place?" Oscar's voice startles you from behind,.
A smile lights up your face as you turn around to see your friend in person for the first time in a long while. You eagerly embrace him with open arms, attempting to lift him off the ground like you used to when you were kids.
"Wow, okay, you're not as light as you used to be."
Oscar chuckles, and playfully returns the favor by lifting you up. "Nope, I'm not. Or maybe you're just not as strong anymore."
You tease, giving his shoulder a light slap. He winces and holds onto it, pretending it hurts.
"It's impressive." You answer his previous question. "So many people, so much noise, but I can see why you love it here." You take in the bustling atmosphere with a laugh.
The Aussie leans back against something and asks with a playful glint in his eye, "So, what's been going on in your world?"
You chuckle, immediately feeling at ease with him. "Just the usual post-grad life. Trying to figure it all out."
"Will you stick with auto sports?" He asks hopefully.
"I have an interview lined up to shadow a F2 journalist, so let's hope for the best." You make a gesture of crossed fingers. You thought that graduating with a degree in Journalism would give you direction in life, but almost a year later, you're still searching for your calling.
"It's already yours. I've never met anyone who could get honest answers from drivers like you do." He tried to calm you.
"I interviewed you once for a college project, Os. I don't think that counts." You chuckle.
"Come on, I was in f2 back then. That's definitely something to put on your resume."
"I'll keep that in mind." You nod.
It didn't feel like it had been so long since you two last saw each other in person.
As your gaze sweeps over the cluttered garage once more, something strange catches your eye, and you furrow your brow in confusion.
"Isn't Easter still a ways off?" Your eyes follow a trail of small, misshapen footprints leading around the room and you can't help but comment, "And whoever left those prints definitely didn't excel in their Arts & Crafts classes. They look nothing like bunny paws."
Oscar couldn't believe it. What was going on with his friends and footprints that day?
He squints and shakes his head. "I don't see anything," he says, trying to follow your gaze.
"Of course you don't. I've been telling you to get your eyes checked for years," you tease with a laugh. You walk over to him and point directly at the pawprint (that looks more like a footprint) on the ground that you can clearly see, even though it's slightly faded. Oscar looks at you with confusion.
"Are you and Lando in on this together?" He starts to suspect a prank.
"Lando? Your teammate?" You shake your head. "I've never even met him, Os." A mischievous grin spreads across your face. "But maybe I should."
Oscar's gaze shifted from the empty space in front of him. "Don't even go there, missy. Teammates are strictly off-limits."
You couldn't help but tease, "Why, does he have a soulmate?"
Oscar used to give you pitying looks whenever you mentioned not having a love thread, but it had been a while since then. He missed all of you - including your bad puns.
"I don't know. We've never discussed it," Oscar shuddered. He and Lando had grown closer over the past year, but the Brit never seemed to want to talk about that topic, so Oscar left it alone.
You continue to tease, "I still don't see why he's off-limits."
"Can you imagine how traumatizing it would be to see Lando making out with my best friend?"
"It wouldn't be any weirder than collecting bugs with my best friend and then suddenly having a random girl in front of me," your counterpart argues.
"Touché" It wouldn't be right for Oscar to dictate who you should pursue, especially since you had no control over randomly talking to his soulmate after swapping places. "It still would be fucking weird."
"You know, if two people saw those pawprints and you didn't, I think it's safe to say who's the one in the wrong here," You nudged him playfully. "Maybe you're just not looking close enough. Let me guide you."
Stepping closer to the mysterious prints, you crouched down and examined them closely. "They seem... fresh, don't they?"
Oscar joined you, squinting his eyes as he tried to make out any shape or form on the ground. "I swear, there's nothing there. Are you sure this isn't some elaborate prank?"
You shook your head, running your fingers over the indentations. "No, these are real."
Despite trying his best, Oscar couldn't make out what he was supposed to be looking at. "Alright, you got me. Congrats on your and Lando's little joke."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Your frustration grows as you wonder how he could have missed the obvious footprints right in front of him.
"He saw these so-called "footprints" too." He gestured with air quotes, convinced that his best friend and teammate were up to some strange prank together.
Before you could protest, someone called out your friend's name. "I have to go, it's my engineer," he said, getting up from the floor. He gave you a friendly smile that quickly turned into a knowing smirk. "And don't follow the footprints, Alice. They won't lead you to wonderland."
Wonderland or not, you would be stupid not to follow it.
As you follow the trail of footprints through the crowded garage, your curiosity builds with each step. You maneuver carefully around toolboxes and piles of spare parts, focusing on the prints as they lead you deeper into the maze-like space.
At last, you reach the end of the trail and come face to face with a closed door. Your heart races with excitement and anticipation as you stare at the sign above it: "Lando Norris' Driver's Room"
You furrow your brow in confusion. How could Norris' driver's room be connected to the strange footprints you've been tracking? Is this some kind of elaborate prank that Oscar roped Lando into as well?
Despite the nagging feeling that something was off, you stood your ground and refused to give into whatever it was that was trying to lure you in. You mentally prepared yourself to turn around and head back to Oscar's garage, where at least you felt familiar, and he couldn't pull pranks on you in front of his entire team.
And then, as if on cue, the door swings open, revealing Lando Norris standing on the other side. His presence fills the doorway, commanding attention with an effortless grace that leaves you breathless.
In that moment, you can't help but drink in the sight of him—the way the soft glow of the room illuminates his features, casting his angular jawline and chiseled cheekbones in sharp relief. His eyes, a mesmerizing shade of azure, hold a glint of mischief as they meet yours, and you find yourself drowning in their depths.
Lando is clad in his fireproofs, the sleek material hugging his lean frame in all the right places. His racesuit hangs by his waist, a vibrant burst of color against the backdrop of the room. There's a confidence in the way he carries himself, a hint of swagger that speaks of countless hours spent behind the wheel of a racing car.
But it's not just his physical appearance that captivates you—it's the strange electricity that seems to crackle in the air when your eyes meet.
Your heart skips a beat as you find yourself in a predicament, searching for a clever excuse. You definitely didn't want to appear as a stalker-fan who snuck in. "Um, I was just... uh..."
"Oscar?" Lando interrupts, a knowing glint in his eyes.
"Yes, Oscar!" You latch onto the name like a lifeline. "I'm a friend of his."
"He mentioned you," Lando nods, a friendly grin spreading across his face.
"Ah, so Oscar's been gossiping about me, huh?" You tease, a playful smirk curling your lips as you lock gazes with Lando. "I hope he said only nice things."
Lando chuckles softly, leaning casually against the doorframe. "Oh, absolutely. But he forgot to mention how gorgeous you are"
You feel a warm flush creeping up your cheeks at his compliment, and you playfully bat your eyelashes. "Oh, did he now? Well, I'll have to thank him for the rave reviews later."
An easy silence falls between you, charged with unspoken chemistry and the promise of potential. Lando breaks the quiet with a mischievous smirk, closing the gap between you.
"Care for a little tour while we wait for Oscar? I promise not to lead you astray... too much," he adds with a wink.
Despite the lingering adrenaline from the close call and the unexpected encounter with Lando, you find yourself nodding eagerly. Oscar had been too occupied to give you a proper tour, and you were itching to explore the place.
"Lead the way, but I'm holding you to that promise of not getting lost," you tease, motioning for him to lead. As he begins to walk, you fall into step beside him, the playful brush of your shoulders sending sparks flying.
"Do you have a habit of getting lost?" Lando asks with a playful glint in his eyes.
You laugh, shaking your head in mock dismay. "Define 'a habit'," you retort, a playful sparkle in your eyes. "When we were younger, Oscar and I used to roam around this massive mall near our homes. I lost count of how many times he had to page me over the speakers because I got sidetracked and wandered off."
"I'll have to keep a close eye on you, then," Lando quips. "Can't have Oscar's friend getting lost on my watch."
You chuckle at his teasing, reveling in the easy banter between you two. As he continues to show you around the McLaren paddock, pointing out various spots and sharing amusing anecdotes, you find yourself drawn to his effortless charm and infectious energy.
"You know, I never expected today to turn out like this," you admit, stealing a sideways glance at Lando. "But I'm glad it did. Especially if it means getting a personal tour from McLaren's charming star driver."
Lando beams at your words, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Consider yourself lucky, then. Not everyone gets the VIP treatment around here." He pauses for a moment before adding with a playful grin, "Although, I must confess, it's rather challenging to focus on giving a proper tour with you flashing that smile."
Your heart flutters at his words, but you play it cool with a playful roll of your eyes. "You need to work on your flirting skills, dude."
"But do they work?" Lando counters with a cheeky smile.
"Maybe. Keep trying, and who knows where it might lead."
"Ah, so you're admitting my charm has potential?" Lando shoots back, a playful glint in his eyes.
"I didn't say that," you reply with a smirk..
"Ouch, that hurts," Lando feigns offense, placing a hand over his heart dramatically. "Here I am, giving you the grand tour, and you won't even give me credit for my rizz."
"Okay, okay, maybe just a little credit," you concede with a laugh, nudging him lightly with your elbow. "But don't let it get to your head."
Lando grins. "Don't worry, I'll try to contain my ego."
As the tour comes to an end, you and Lando bid your goodbyes, thanking each other for the enjoyable time spent together. It's time for qualifying, and Lando is escorted towards his car by a member of his team. Just before he gets in, he looks back towards you with a faint smile. In that moment, his gaze locks with yours, and he freezes as a realization dawns upon him. The footsteps he had noticed earlier, weaving through the McLaren paddock, had a familiar pattern. They were from you.
He looks back to the path he took with you, and the marks on the floor as clear as day. They appear in front of his driver's room, in the small cafeteria where he took you to get the best coffee from the paddock (his words), and they follow you as you make your way to Oscar's side of the garage.
Lando's lips part slightly, as if he couldn't get enough air.
Before Lando could take a step towards you, his engineer's firm grip on his arm pulls him back. "Where are you going? Quali is about to start," his engineer reminds him, snapping him out of the mesmerizing realization.
Lando looks torn, torn between the exhilaration of discovering a potential connection he never noticed before and the responsibility of his racing career. He gives you one last longing look before reluctantly turning away, his mind buzzing with newfound thoughts and possibilities.
As he slides into the driver's seat and revs up the engine, he can't shake off the image of your smile, the sound of your laughter, and now, the footprints you left behind that seemed to lead straight to him. The engine roars to life, drowning out his racing thoughts as he steels himself for the high-stakes qualifying round ahead.
There were various theories floating around regarding why Lando secured the pole position. Some attributed it to an engine change, while others praised McLaren's performance on the specific circuit. But deep down, Lando knew that his main motivation was to finish everything quickly so he could talk to you.
He heard his engineer's voice in his ear through the radio, but he wasn't really paying attention. He knew he had interviews to do, photos to take, and a tire to sign, but as he stepped out of the car, his mind was consumed with thoughts of the girl he never knew existed.
After the whirlwind of interviews subsides and Lando returns to the bustling garage, his mind remains fixated on one thought: finding you. He navigates through the maze of mechanics and engineers, his determination unwavering.
Spotting Oscar amidst the commotion, Lando strides over, his expression a mix of eagerness and urgency. "Hey, Oscar," he calls out, drawing his friend's attention.
Oscar looks up from his conversation with a mechanic, a puzzled expression crossing his face at the intensity in Lando's gaze. "Hey, Lando. What's up?" he asks, curious yet cautious.
"I need to talk to your friend," Lando replies, his tone serious.
Oscar's confusion deepens, and a hint of protectiveness flickers in his eyes. "My friend? Why do you need to speak to her?" he inquires, his tone guarded.
Lando hesitates for a moment, searching for the right words. "I... I just need to ask her something," he says evasively, unwilling to divulge the true reason behind his urgency.
Oscar studies Lando intently, sensing there's more to the story than meets the eye. "Is everything okay?" he probes, his concern evident.
Lando shifts uncomfortably under Oscar's scrutiny, torn between his desire to find you and his reluctance to reveal too much. "Yeah, everything's fine," he assures, attempting to brush off Oscar's concern.
But Oscar isn't convinced, his protective instincts kicking into overdrive. "Look, if you're going to involve my friend in something, I need to know what's going on," he insists firmly.
Lando sighs, realizing he can't keep dodging the question. "It's just... I met her earlier, and I... I need to talk to her," he admits, his voice tinged with vulnerability.
Oscar's expression softens as he recognizes the sincerity in Lando's words. He may be protective, but he also trusts his instincts when it comes to his friends. "Okay," he relents, nodding in understanding. "She's in my driver's room."
Before Lando can make his way there, Oscar grabs his arm, a serious expression etched on his face. "Look, I know we don't talk about this, but…" He hesitates momentarily. "I don't know if you have a soulmate, but she doesn't. And I don't want you giving her false hope, only to disappear the moment someone mentions what's on your arm, or whatever."
Lando offers a reassuring smile. "You're wrong."
"Listen, I don't care if your mark is on your arm or your ass, my point was-"
"It's not about that. It's about her not having a soulmate," Lando interjects.
Oscar's expression turns grave. "What do you mean?"
"Footsteps," Lando responds simply.
Oscar's frustration bubbles to the surface. "What's going on with both of you? First, you mention footsteps, then her." He glances at his teammate, who meets his gaze with a serene smile. In Lando's eyes, there's a glimmer of hope and relief that Oscar can't quite comprehend. Initially, he considers escorting both of his friends to the medical bay, puzzled by their strange behavior regarding footsteps that only they seem to perceive—
Footsteps that only they can see.
A sudden realization dawns upon Oscar, his eyes widening. "You two are soulmates."
"Hopefully," Lando murmurs. "I—I never thought I had one. No marks, no dreams, nothing. But this morning, I saw footsteps. And then we met, and I showed her around. We were side by side, so I didn't pay much attention. But before Qualifying, I noticed her walking toward your side of the garage, and there were footsteps leading there."
As the realization settles between them, Oscar reluctantly releases Lando's arm, allowing him to continue on his way. However, just as Lando begins to move away, Oscar calls out to him, his tone a mix of seriousness and jest.
"Lando, wait," Oscar says, his voice tinged with playful threat. "Soulmate or not, if you ever hurt my best friend, I'll make sure to crash into you in every single race."
Lando stops in his tracks, turning back to face Oscar with a wry smile. "Fair warning," he replies, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes. "But I can assure you, if I ever did hurt her, I'd deserve every crash."
The Brit's heart races as he stands before the door, realizing he doesn't need to ask Oscar about the girl when the footsteps guide him straight to her. He wonders if he'd ever noticed those phantom imprints before, dismissing them as mere smudges or dirt. And in a fleeting moment of clarity, he wonders if those same invisible marks had led you to his door earlier, tracing a path he hadn't noticed until now.
As Lando hesitates outside the door, uncertainty gripping his thoughts, he contemplates his next move. Should he pace back and forth until you notice the traces on the floor? Or perhaps he should boldly declare their connection as soulmates upon entering? Before he can settle on a plan, the door swings open.
"Wow!" You exclaim, your initial fright giving way to laughter. "Okay, I probably deserved that. Second time's the charm, right?"
"Uhm," Lando's throat constricts, his words stumbling over each other. In his mind, this conversation had seemed much simpler. "Look, I—I need to ask you something. Do you… have a soulmate?"
Your gaze hardens, but it's not anger that flickers in your eyes, only a hint of sorrow. "We just met today," you confess, your tone tinged with vulnerability. Lando realizes it might be an invasive question; after all, some people prefer to keep such matters private. "Is it that obvious?"
"Yes. I mean, no. I mean—" Lando fumbles, his nerves getting the best of him.
"It's alright, I understand," you say, crossing your arms with a sad smile. "You do?"
"I do," Lando confirms, gesturing subtly to the scattered footsteps that crisscross the room.
"Cool," you respond, your expression disoriented.
"No, wait, that's not what I meant." Lando's frustration mounts as he struggles to articulate his thoughts. Was this what it felt like to be stupid in love?
"It's okay, Lando, really," you reassure him gently. "I know some people like to have... fun before finding their soulmate. I won't judge you for that." Yet beneath your understanding tone, a pang of sadness lingers, the thought of forever being a mere diversion rather than a final destination.
"Listen," Lando interjects, laying his hands gently atop yours, a jolt of electricity coursing between them once more. "Earlier today, you saw those footsteps, didn't you?"
"Actually, yes," you reply, confusion clouding your features. Oscar had vehemently denied their existence, leaving you to question your own perception.
"Me too. I saw footsteps this morning. Then I noticed footsteps leading towards Oscar's garage," Lando reveals, his voice soft with emotion. He silently pleads for you not to notice the trembling in his hands. "And now, I see footsteps again. Emerging from the door and heading toward the couch. A circle of them, right in front of the television."
As Lando confides in you, his vulnerability palpable, you begin to piece it together. Your eyes widen in realization as you look around. Although you can't see the invisible footsteps he's describing, you can distinctly perceive a path, stretching from the door to where Lando stands before you.
"Every step leads me to you," he murmurs, his gaze locked on yours with unwavering intensity.
A tender smile graces your lips as you absorb Lando's words, a rush of warmth flooding your chest. "I never thought I had a soulmate," you confess softly, your voice tinged with wonder.
Lando's own smile mirrors yours, a mixture of affection and amusement dancing in his eyes. "Look at that, one thing that we already have in common," he replies, his tone gentle yet playful.
You share a moment of quiet understanding, the air thick with unspoken emotions swirling between you. It's a realization that defies logic yet feels undeniably right, as if the universe itself had conspired to bring you together. Well, it did, didn't it? Maybe you should apologize for all the times your cursed at it.
"And here we are," you say, a hint of awe coloring your words.
"Here we are," Lando echoes, his gaze never leaving yours.
A mischievous glint twinkles in your eyes as you playfully tease, "You know, when I suggested you keep trying to flirt with me, this wasn't exactly the outcome I had in mind."
Lando chuckles, his grin widening. "Well, lucky for me, there's no one I'd rather up my game with than you."
You laugh, feeling the tension ease between you as the playful banter continues. "Smooth talker," you tease, giving him a playful nudge.
"Just stating the truth," Lando replies, his tone lighthearted yet sincere. "Besides, you will have to deal with it for the rest of your life."
Your heart skips a beat at his words, the playful façade giving way to a deeper connection between you. "I suppose you have a point," you concede with a smile, feeling yourself drawn even closer to him.
Lando's eyes light up with mischief as an idea sparks in his mind. "You know," he begins, a playful grin tugging at his lips, "I've spent my entire life thinking you didn't exist. I have a lot of making up to do."
Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise at his bold statement, but a smile tugs at the corners of your lips, intrigued by his playful demeanor. "Oh really?" you reply, a teasing glint in your eyes. "And just how do you plan on making it up to me?"
Lando's grin widens as he leans in closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Well, I was thinking we could start here. I can't really go out, but my hotel has an amazing restaraunt" he suggests, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "After that... Have you ever been to Monaco? Or Italy? Maybe after that, we could..."
You can't help but laugh at his enthusiasm, charmed by his playful spirit. "I say you're full of surprises, Lando Norris," you tease, interrupting him, a playful sparkle dancing in your eyes. "But I like the way you think."
A bashful smile graces Lando's lips as he chuckles softly. "Great," he replies, his tone now tinged with a hint of shyness. "I've got a meeting to attend, but after that, how about we meet back here?"
"You'll know exactly where to find me."
As warmth floods through Lando's heart, a tender smile graces his lips. In that fleeting moment of realization, it dawns on him—he'll never doubt your existence again. Not when there's a trail of footsteps leading him straight back to you, a path he'll eagerly follow time and time again.
Lando Norris is a romantic at heart. The universe, in all its wisdom, understood that he deserved nothing less than the greatest of loves.
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taglist (tell me if you want to be added or removed. crossed names means i couldn't tag you) :: @saturnssunflower @sopheeg @minkyungseokie @alexander-hamilhoe @butterfly-lover @cool-ultra-nerd @tomriddleswhorecruxes @everbizzare @chonkybonky @styl1shl1v
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ezukll · 3 months
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⚷ CHIRON SIGN OBSERVATIONS
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CHIRON IN ARIES ♈︎
Chiron in Aries is a placement that can indicate a strong need for personal power and control. With this placement, you may have an aggressive or assertive nature as a consequence of past wounds or struggles you have overcome. You may have a tendency to try too hard, or feel extremely emotional and reactive to obstacles or setbacks. You may also have a strong desire to constantly prove yourself and to be in control or to be the best and the strongest. This placement can also indicate a strong desire to protect and stand up for yourself and others.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Finding healthy outlets for your anger and emotions, such as an exercise or a hobby.
* Practicing meditation and mindfulness to help let go of your inner anger and frustration.
* Learning to be kind to yourself and to accept yourself and your past without shame or guilt.
* Practicing empathy and compassion for yourself and others to develop forgiveness and release of the past.
* Working on finding healthy self-expression and being vulnerable to express your feelings and emotions.
CHIRON IN TAURUS ♉︎
Taurus Chiron can indicate an inability to let go or move on from past wounds and pain. With this placement, you may have a deep-seated desire for security and safety, and may also have a tendency to struggle with changes and transitions. You may have a tendency to hold on to the past and feel attached to things that have brought you pain, and find it difficult to let go. This can lead to issues such as anxiety, depression, or fear of change or of new things.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Working on establishing healthy coping mechanisms by identifying your triggers and developing healthier habits.
* Recognizing that you deserve good things and that you have value.
* Working on self-healing techniques by forgiving yourself and others.
* Learning to take care of your own needs and practicing self-love.
* Establishing an understanding and awareness of your triggers and patterns.
* Practicing empathy, compassion, and kindness towards yourself and others.
CHIRON IN GEMINI ♊︎
With Chiron in Gemini, you may have a wound or a trauma that is related to communication or self-expression. You may have difficulty expressing your true thoughts and feelings, or being truly honest and authentic with yourself and others. This can lead to difficulty forming a good and stable sense of identity and can cause issues and tension in your relationships. You may struggle with self-doubt, low self-esteem, and a tendency to overthink.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Finding healthy methods to get your voice heard, including writing, speaking, and expressing yourself.
* Developing healthy coping mechanisms to work through stress, anxiety, or anger.
* Practicing empathy, compassion, and being vulnerable with yourself and others.
* Learning self-expression and communication skills.
* Finding new ways to be in touch with your inner voice.
CHIRON IN CANCER ♋︎
Cancer Chiron can indicate a deep wound or trauma related to home, family, and feelings of safety and security. You may have a tendency to feel overwhelmed or anxious when you feel unsafe or uncertain, and you may have difficulty setting boundaries and trusting others. This can lead to issues such as codependency, attachment difficulties, and a tendency to put the needs of others above your own. It can also cause difficulty with expressing your inner feelings and communicating openly.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Learning healthy ways of expressing your emotions, communicating, and letting go.
* Practicing self-compassion and empathy.
* Being vulnerable and open with yourself and others.
* Practicing meditation or relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or yoga to help lower anxiety and find inner peace.
* Working on establishing healthy boundaries with yourself and others.
* Learning healthy ways to set and enforce boundaries, as well as practicing self-care and self-acceptance.
CHIRON IN LEO ♌︎
With Chiron in Leo, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to self-image, confidence, and self-worth. You may have underlying feelings of being inferior or inadequate, and you may struggle with self-care and self-acceptance. You may have difficulty expressing or embracing your inner creativity, strength, and confidence. This can lead to issues such as insecurity, self-doubt, and a tendency to seek external validation and approval.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Let go of the need to be in control and the need for praise.
* Developing empathy and compassion and building healthy relationships with others.
* Learning self-acceptance and self-love to foster confidence and inner peace.
* Practicing healthy self-expression and taking time to process your emotions.
* Practicing mindfulness to let go of the past and to be present in the moment.
* Practicing self-compassion and treating yourself with kindness.
CHIRON IN VIRGO ♍︎
With a Chiron in Virgo, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to service to others, health, or self-care. You may have an underlying feeling of worthlessness or that you are not good enough, and you may find it difficult to care for yourself or set healthy boundaries. You may also have a tendency to find fault or be overly critical, leading to issues such as anxiety, perfectionism, and a tendency to over-stress and overly-analyze things.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Practicing self-love and self-care.
* Establishing healthy boundaries and learning to say "NO".
* Learning not to feel so responsible for everyone else.
* Practicing relaxation and mindfulness techniques.
* Cultivating self-compassion and self-acceptance.
* Practicing empathy and compassion towards yourself.
* Developing self-value and self-worth.
* Letting go of the past and your wounds and focusing on healing and growth.
CHIRON IN LIBRA ♎︎
With Chiron in Libra, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to the balance between your needs and the needs of others. You may have difficulty setting boundaries and may tend to be very accommodating and self-sacrificing. You may have a strong sense of justice and fairness, which can lead to issues such as codependency and people-pleasing. You may have difficulty expressing your own needs and taking care of yourself. You may also experience a lot of inner conflict between what you need and what you want, and this can potentially lead to issues such as dissatisfaction and frustration.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Being more assertive and expressing your needs and boundaries.
* Practicing self-compassion and self-support.
* Learning to understand how you feel without being influenced by others.
* Developing self-value so that you don't depend on others for your self-worth.
* Doing things that make you happy and allow you to express yourself.
* Creating healthy and supportive relationships with others.
* Practicing empathy and compassion towards yourself and others.
CHIRON IN SCORPIO ♏︎
With Chiron in Scorpio, you may have a deep wound related to trust, intimacy, or betrayal. You may feel a deep fear of abandonment or rejection, which can lead to a deep resistance to opening up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. You may also have a deep fear of being hurt and betrayed. This can cause issues such as mistrust, jealousy, possessiveness, and difficulty letting go. Healing a Chiron in Scorpio can involve learning to develop healthy trust and to let go of the past.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Learning to open up and be vulnerable with yourself and others.
* Practicing trust-building and allowing yourself to accept love and support.
* Learning to let go of the past and accepting your own faults and flaws.
* Practicing healthy communication and conflict resolution.
* Working on developing empathy and understanding towards yourself and others.
* Cultivating compassion and self-compassion.
* Finding healthy ways to express your emotions.
CHIRON IN SAGITTARIUS ♐︎
With a Chiron in Sagittarius, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to self-beliefs or a deep need to seek wisdom and knowledge above all else. You may have a feeling of not fitting in or finding your place in the world. You may have a tendency to doubt or second-guess yourself and may also have a lack of direction. This can lead to issues such as feeling like an outsider, having difficulty believing in yourself, or feeling lost in life. Healing a Chiron in Sagittarius can involve working on developing a sense of purpose and self-identity.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Developing a strong sense of identity and purpose.
* Establishing healthy boundaries with yourself and others.
* Being courageous and ambitious with setting goals or taking risks.
* Practicing self-compassion and self-care.
* Building a healthy self-esteem and self-image.
* Working through any childhood trauma that may be holding you back.
* Developing a strong sense of self-identity and self-worth.
* Learning to feel comfortable being alone and not always feeling a need to be with others or seek out external validation.
CHIRON IN CAPRICORN ♑︎
With a Chiron in Capricorn, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to your sense of responsibility and duty. You may have a tendency to sacrifice your well-being and needs for others, and you may have a deep need to be seen as competent and reliable. This can lead to issues such as burnout, a lack of work-life balance, and a tendency to blame yourself or take on too much responsibility for others. Healing a Chiron in Capricorn can involve learning to set boundaries and to let go of your need to take things personally and to try to fix everything.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Finding healthy ways to express your emotions and to express yourself.
* Practicing self-care and self-compassion.
* Developing empathy and understanding for yourself and others.
* Finding a healthy balance in your work and personal life.
* Practicing mindfulness and letting go of the past.
* Cultivating trust in yourself and others.
* Developing a healthy inner self-talk and working on positive thinking.
CHIRON IN AQUARIUS ♒︎
With a Chiron in Aquarius, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to feeling misunderstood or rejected. You may have issues with forming attachments or feeling like you don't really belong anywhere. You may also have a deep fear of being seen or recognized in public, which can lead to social anxiety or a tendency to isolate. Healing a Chiron in Aquarius can involve working on accepting your quirks and differences, and realizing that you don’t need to be accepted or liked by everyone.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Practicing self-acceptance and self-love.
* Learning to accept your uniqueness and differences.
* Finding healthy social groups or communities that make you feel welcome and accepted.
* Practicing healthy communication and interpersonal skills.
* Cultivating healthy relationships with those who make you feel understood.
* Finding healthy outlets for expressing your emotions.
* Practicing boundaries and learning to speak up for yourself.
CHIRON IN PISCES ♓︎
With a Chiron in Pisces, you may have a deep wound or trauma related to your empathy and compassion. You may have a deep empathy and sensitivity towards the suffering of others, which can lead to issues such as codependency, taking on other people's problems or feelings, feeling other people's pain very vividly, and carrying too much of the load alone. Healing a Chiron in Pisces can involve setting healthy boundaries and learning to separate what is yours and yours alone. It can involve not taking on more than you can handle, and instead learning to focus more on yourself and your own needs.
HOW TO HEAL :
* Practicing healthy self-care and self-love.
* Develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
* Practicing healthy boundaries with yourself and with others.
* Learning to say no to others and to let go of your codependency.
* Becoming more secure within yourself and within who you are.
* Developing a sense of self-responsibility and self-reliance.
* Finding healthy ways to express your emotions and express your inner creativity.
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harmoonix · 4 months
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Stars Waterfall
°Short Astrology Observations°
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🌃 - Scorpio Ascendant in your Venus persona chart makes people to envy your beauty, or to be obsessed/manipulative with you
🌃 - Taurus Mercury/Mercury in the 4th house can have the most cutest voice ever, their voice can be light and soft and also very cute (for both genders, men with these placements are 10000/10 omg)
🌃 - Aquarius Risings with their trendsetter style, they inspire a lot of people, their mindset/clothes/personality Inspire people, and they have a really great influence in the society
🌃 - Mercury square/opposite Moon can be prone to sharing secrets/gossip/ and talking bad behind others back, they can aslo be the type of person who's always talking about someone
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🌃 - How can people with Sun in the 12th house be so magnetic?? They're always surrounded with mystery and striking beauty, they pull you towards them without realizing
🌃 - Jupiter/Sagittarius in the 11th house are so good at manifesting things, and they have luck for this aswell, they're full of desires
🌃 - If you are attracted by men and you have Jupiter in Libra/Jupiter in the 7th house, you may want your partner to be romantic. I cannot imagine these natives not getting in relationships with non - romantic people
🌃 - Chiron in the 9th/12th house can be religiously wounded, they can often believe that "God" abandoned them or that he doesn't love them etc..
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🌃 - Chiron in the 12th house can heal with sleep, like sleeping is the best method to do when you're hurt because while you sleep your body tries to heal so just sleep or idk transform into the sleeping beauty but don't let the prince to wake up...
🌃 - Saturn in the 4th house/Saturn in Cancer can have an very nurturing yet hurt soul, like they have this nurturing/healing/soft energy but also some of pain/sadness/nostalgic in them
🌃 - Gemini Rising natives can often look younger than they actually are, so people can mistake their age a lot like for example you're 19 and people think you're 16/17 because you look younger than that
🌃 - Leo Sun/Moon/Rising like to be everyone's favorite, they're cute but they can get so jealous if someone dear spends time with someone else rather than them...
🌃 - Pisces Sun/Moon/Rising/Venus are very clingy people, if they are not clingy it's probably because they're either very shy or introvert to be clingy
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🌃 - Pisces Midheaven or MC in Pisces Degrees 12°, 24° can find themselves being attracted to multiple things at once, especially in their career/job, one moment they can like art, the next moment they may like acting/singing etc..
🌃 - Pluto conjunct/trine/sextile Mercury are very revengeful in words, when they hurt they can say things they may regret but omg, their words have a very big impact on others
🌃 - Pluto aspecting the ascendant can have that rbf (resting bitch face), to show when they're irritated, angry, overwhelmed...
🌃 - If your Dad has any earth placements especially an Earth Moon/Earth Saturn they may like country music, or just that type of old music that people listen in the old times
🌃 - Ascendant at 4°. 16°, 28° degrees > gosh I just know these natives have really beautiful eyes, they look very feminine, no matter the gender, they're gracious
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🌃 - Jupiter in the 9th house can end up to travel the world around with their partners? Maybe they can end up like those couples on YouTube who travel around the world with their van or something
🌃 - Moon in the 8th house people don't fw with people who seem suspicious at first, they're very picky at people and don't like to share their time with people who seem "bad"
🌃 - Uranus in your 4th house > This placement can manifesting as you have so many ideas about your home and you don't know how to put all of them in work. It may be a bit stressing for you to decorate your house because you have too many ideas
🌃 - Mercury in the 11th house > They have the most funniest conversations ever, these natives can connect so easily with other people
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🌃 - Earth Moon/Venus may enjoy traditional music. Especially if you have it placed in your 4th house, they love culture/traditions and things that remind them of their home
🌃 - Pluto in your 1st/11th house > You can get envy just because of being yourself, you have a very powerful presence in other people's lives
🌃 - Mars in 1st/2nd/10th house can have a very gorgeous body. Especially if they work on their bodies. It ends up with good results
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🌃 - I love making spiritual posts because they are giving such a good vibe, its always this comforting energy coming in!🌃
🌃 Hope you all have a good day full of blessings to everyone reading my notes 🌃
- H a r m o o n i x
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katabay · 10 months
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PERCEVAL THE UNHAPPY, THE MISERABLE, THE UNFORTUNATE, THE FISHER KING!
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Perceval, de Troyes (trans. Burton Raffel)
ALRIGHT alright. so previously I did an illustration that explained the premise of all this, that it's inspired by the narrative choices that Bresson made in his film Lancelot du Lac etc
to dive in more into it (because this is something like derivative fiction. I'm putting concepts into a blender and seeing what comes out of it): the setting is haunted by the previously existing narratives that started cannibalizing each other until it regurgitates itself into the more well known narrative beats, and something else about the invasive rot of christianity and empire mythmaking into settings. it's an intertextual haunting, if you will! and this scene takes place during the grail quest narrative, but the temptation of Perceval plays out differently.
in both Chretien (and Wolfram's) Perceval narratives, what 'wakes' Perceval up (in more ways than one. desire and self actualization in one go!) is seeing knights, something his mother tried hard to keep him from. so instead of the temptation of lust & etc in the Morte narrative taking the form of a lady, it takes the form of a knight. the temptation to renounce one's faith to serve something else remains.
so Perceval still stabs himself, but instead of continuing on the grail quest in the shadow of Galahad, he becomes the narrative's Fisher King because his earlier state of being as a the grail quest hero is creeping back into his marrow. it was waiting for an opening, and stabbing yourself in the thigh is one hell of a parallel!!!
that wound isn't going to heal buddy, and the state of the setting will now be reflected on your body. sure hope that Arthur hasn't like. corrupted the justice of the land or anything. that sure would suck for your overall health.
all the red in this sequence is because in de Troyes' Perceval, Perceval takes the armor of the Red Knight and becomes known as the Knight in Red.
and now for the citations, which I will try to order in a way that makes sense!
Seeing Knights For The First Time
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Perceval, de Troyes (trans. Burton Raffel)
The Temptation of Perceval
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Le Morte Darthur, Mallory (modernized by Baines)
The Fisher King, and Perceval The Unfortunate
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Perceval, de Troyes (trans. Burton Raffel)
On Perceval and Gender, etc.
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Clothes Make The Man: Parzival Dressed and Undressed, Michael D. Amey
On Wounds
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Wounded Masculinity: Injury and Gender in Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte Darthur, Kenneth Hodges
The Red Knight
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Perceval, de Troyes (trans. Burton Raffel)
On Arthur and the Corruption of Justice
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The Failure of Justice, the Failure of Arthur, L.K. Bedwell
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