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dcarhcarts · 5 years

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regarding recent absences

And other such updates!

If you want the tl;dr, here it is: my mental health isn’t in the greatest place right now, and I figured I ought to explain why I must ask you for continued patience for the snail speed on this blog. I’m not announcing official hiatus, but just know that I...might continue to be pretty scarce, but I’m trying my best to be here and to be writing here. To hopefully get me more active here, I plan on dropping a few threads and cleaning out my dash re: people who follow me but aren’t writing with me. You’re more than welcome to keep following me if I unfollow you, and if you want to write with me and just haven’t gotten the chance and would like me to re-follow you, pls just go ahead and shoot me an im. I will be making a separate post about both those things, it’s just that I can’t deal with how fast my dash is moving at the moment.

If you care for the long version, under the cut so as to not bother everyone else!!! Be warned that it’s uh...it’s l o n g. TW for depression and anxiety and the general things my brain does to me lolol.

Wow I haven’t used the post title function in a l o n g time. Anyway, hi, it’s me, Ro, your friendly neighborhood mun of a 20+ muse mumu. Don’t let the kind-of-serious format scare you - nothing bad is happening. I just have a few things that I felt the need to address that have been happening either in my life or just in my screwed up brain :D Buckle in and get ready for the ride, I guess?

Starting with something y’all already know about - I’ve not been here a lot recently. I joke about that a lot, but really, if you catch the pattern, my activity here is: exclusively after 10 pm, 2 drafts at most a day, inbox straight up clogged from like a month ago. IMS basically desolate, because I haven’t worked up the courage to pick them back up since I last forgot about them in the endless stream of things I had to do about a month ago! (that being said, uh, if you want to talk to me your best bet is probably through discord. Ro#6782 - pls, mutuals only, and tell me who you are!)

And - because I h a t e being that mun that reblogs memes and asks for for them and then never answers their askbox / puts out starter calls when she has 10000 drafts / puts out plotting calls when she has unanswered ims, (no problem at all when other people do this but somehow when it’s m e I’m like “no you’re a terrible person”???? hmmm), I’ve also been avoiding t h o s e. If you’re new and you followed me in the last month, I’ve been putting out n o t h i n g that indicates a willingness to interact with new/more people, while the opposite is true. I’m always willing to interact - if I follow back, I want to write with you, only, well, aforementioned issue aside, I also have m o r e problems.

Namely, IRL and the fucked up thing called my brain.

As most of you know, I got a job ~end of may or early juuuune~ and....well it’s pretty damn time consuming. I can’t have my phone during the course of my job - by the way, 4 hours - and so in those 4 hours (from 4 pm to 8 pm) I can basically get nothing done here. Then there’s also the fact that the time my shift is placed mentally and physically drains me a lot. Because it starts at 4, most of my morning is spent thinking “god I don’t wanna go to work” and because it ends at 8, most of my evening is spent trying very hard not to doze off. It also drains me a lot socially - I work at a call center, and all day I’m basically calling people who don’t want me to call them and are very irate even when they pick up, and uh, that already doesn’t do well for my anxiety haha.

The other thing, of course - is my sort-of-seasonal depression. Winter tends to equate to anxiety for me, and summer tends to equate to depression. Again, I think I’ve joked about this a lot, but I apparently can only do drafts when I have 3 finals tomorrow and I haven’t studied for any of them. When it’s break, I get into a really weird slump - when i wake up in the morning, I don’t really want to wake up, and sometimes just stare at the wall for like, an hour. Nothing that I enjoyed during the other months, I seem to enjoy doing now. There’s too much time and too little time. It’s like i spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing meaningful but I can’t break myself out of the cycle so I keep doing that, rinse and repeat day after day, and sometimes my definition of spending time is just lying down in bed again and doing nothing for an hour randomly in the middle of the day. I feel guilty for wasting time as much as I am clueless as to how to fill it in a fulfilling way. “But Ro, you could do drafts!” A Concerned Person May Say. “You like writing!” Well, Kind Person, on some of these days, absolutely n o t h i n g Sparks Joy.

“But Ro, I follow you on your other blog too!” The Concerned Person might continue.“You’re kind of active there, aren’t you?” And the answer, Kind Person who supported my career even if that blog is mostly obscure af fandoms - is yes. I am kind of active on my other blog, @storyblcd. This brings us to the third and final reason why I’m.....moving at snail’s speed here, and that, my good friend - is anxiety. Well, mixed with a certain amount of mental exhaustion, of course. Note: this is n o t anyone’s fault. People’s interactions with me have not been negative - and they are not responsible for how my brain chooses to reaact to it.

I’ve not lost muse for the muses on this blog, per se - but I’m getting burned out really fast writing them, for multiple reasons. First, muse imbalance. Now I know, I definitely k n o w - that sometimes people like one muse more than another, or have more interest in writing with one or the other, and I get that. I’ve said multiple multiple times that that is p e r f e c t l y fine. But honestly the reason I’ve lasted so long on a multimuse is because I can pick which muse I have muse for when, and I can respond accordingly / ask for interactions accordingly. But when I get so many people coming at me at once for the o n e muse when I have t w e n t y it sometimes gets a little? Discouraging? It makes me question whether or not only that one muse is popular for a reason. It also exhausts me re: the portrayal of that muse, because I”m putting out so many replies for that muse in a lot of sort of similar plots/scenarios that I just get burnt right out. And then I get scared that if I keep going I’ll want to drop the muse, so I’m staying away from those threads a little bit.

Second, I’m at a point in my portrayal of certain muses where I feel like there’s a certain expectation for how it’s going to be. My personal feelings aside, I think every mun expects their own portrayal to be different and unique and exciting - and it’s not different for me, only now I feel like the expectation and the pressure of coming up with something good and meaningful outweighs the feeling of exploration as I’m “discovering” the muse. Like most writers - I still crave validation, though more and more lately, I’m at a place in my writing where I f e e l like me from 2 months ago could have probably done a better job. While it’s not necessarily true, and these pressures are coming from m e and not any outside source, I f e e l like I have to consistently Make Good Writing, and simultaneously feel like some days I sit down and I try to do drafts and all I write is garbage. It just - doesn’t feel the same? So - more and more, I’m staring at the empty drafts page and then closing it - because if I don’t w r i t e I don’t have to admit I peaked two months ago.

Both of these reasons have made me rather a bit avoidant of my muses here / this blog. Now, I’ve been struggling with anxiety for long enough that I know that a lot of this is - well, p r o b a b l y just my brain lying to me. See even as I’m writing this post now, my anxiety is saying “haha guess what n o one cares you’ve been gone” and my rational Anxiety-is-a-stupid-asshole voice is saying “nahhhhhh your brain is probably just lying to you.” But! In the battle, anxiety is kind of pummeling me now. I will r i s e again and win the war, most likely - but for now it’s anxiety: 1 and ro: 0.

AND finally - if you made it all the way down here, you’re a c h a m p. The solution! Well, as much of a solution as I’m hoping to get anyway - we’ll have to see if it implements well. I’m going to unfollow a few blogs so I can get my dash cleaner/more organized/less fast-moving and b r e a t h e. I’m going to drop a couple of threads, I might make a couple more muses request only/exclusive only for the like 2 people that have threads with them, I might drop a couple muses (though I don’t think this will really happen, Idk tho). There will be separate posts on those things coming soon, this is just to notify y’all. Thank you for all of your patience, thank you for all the wonderful people who’ve allowed me to write with you, I love all of you!!!!

#tw anxiety #tw depression #tw long post #( ooc ) ✵ ~ CHANDELIERS AND CAVIAR ~ /

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lowkeyimagines · 7 years

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Average (Zach Dempsey)

From: 13 Reasons Why

Warnings: Nothing bad but self shame?

Summary: Zach likes you a lot, but you just a regular child, kinda chubby and not as interesting as others so you’re pretty dense then he tells you in the cutest way possible

A/N: Lol I am so sorry, this is my first time in forever to upload, idk I just have been busy with traveling then now school, and i try but sometimes writer’s block is just so?? But this goes out for Anon who requested a !Chubby Reader x Zach Dempsey a long time ago, sorry you had to wait so long. BUT IT IS HERE NOW AND MORE TO COME SOON. Btw sorry I posted this on my personal account so yeah, I’m still the original writer

It was an average day in an average town, with the same old people. Life hasn’t been the same since Hannah Baker died and as much as it hurts, You and Clay learned to move on. Clay is your twin and you’re both as equally close to Hannah.

Okay, maybe you were way closer, but that was because you’re a girl, and she liked your brother.

The tapes have been released, everything pretty much was the same. Except for some freaking reason, you started to like Zachary Shan-Yung Dempsey. Out of all people, it had to be him. Yes he was part of the 13 reasons why. But, your heart was always with Zach. It started since you both were grade school.

You were always one of the average kids. You weren’t as skinny as other girls, You didn’t fit in with any friend group, You were not a jock, nor were you a cheerleader. You didn’t fit in with the nerds, You weren’t an introvert. You just needed to find the people that were accepting no matter who you were. You and Zach lived in the same “faction” or neighborhood. In fact, you actually lived right next to each other.

Anyway, You and Zach went the same grade school. But even younger, Zach was still indeed, a jock. One day, You felt confident and wore a dress. You wore a nice sleeveless dress, it showed emphasis on my arms that had a little bit of flab.

“Ew, Chubs is wearing a dress” a boy from class started.

Zach threw him a glare and he immediately shut up.

You blushed at Zach’s actions, surprised that he of all people, was the one who stood up for you. You could feel the little girls glaring at you from behind, but you didn’t let that stop you from being happy

During break time of the same day, You went to go use the bathroom and as you passed by these girls they whispered loudly to each other “What an ugly dress”

“It makes her look mega fat”

“she looks ugly”

Those words brought you down and you started to cry. Zach comes closer and comforts me, telling me that he told the girls to back off and everything would be okay. And that’s when you thought you liked Zach

Sure a lot has changed. But he’s always had that big heart with him and I don’t think anything could ever change that. But ever since everything, we all slowly learned to be there for one another.

You head to school and greet everyone you pass by in the hallway. You weren’t popular you were just generally polite. You pass by Zach and his friends, and you notice Justin, elbowing Zach and Monty teasing him about something.

What the heck was that about? You shrugged and continued on. The bell rings and you walk to class, and for some reason, the only place left is next to Zach. As you walk to your seat, You see everyone grinning, even our teacher, Mr. Patterson.

“Hey Zach” You whisper sitting down. He seems tense and somewhat nervous. “H-hey” he stutters. You shrug and you begin writing notes that were already on the board.

You could feel people staring at me as you wrote but you chose to ignore it. Little did you know, The whole class just kept staring at you. Maybe that whole period, at least one person was looking at you.

What is going on? You started to feel self-conscious. You wore your jacket, trying to blend in a bit more, yet you were still being stared at. People would point at you then laugh amongst themselves and then you remembered grade school. You shake your head embarrassed and walk out the classroom

You walked to the cafeteria with your friends, not really paying attention to anything, just reviewing your notes with your friends. And for some reason, Zach’s friends are sitting just really close to yours. You shrug not really caring, I mean? The whole school is weird af today. “Y/n, What are you studying for?” Tony asks, sitting in front of me. “History” You reply not taking yours eyes off the reviewer. Clay sits next to you with a smirk. “Hey y/n/n!”

“Ah thus comes helmet” You tease hugging your brother. “Stoooop” he whines slightly annoyed. Skye walks over to us and drops her plate beside Tony. “What’s up with everyone today?” she grumbles. “I don’t know? Everyone has a weird vibe” You sigh massaging my temples.

Zach walks in the cafeteria looking for his friends, and once he sees them near us, he visibly tenses up and just walks out. “YO DEMPSEY WHAT GIVES?” Monty shouts after him. Justin runs out of the cafeteria looking for Zach. “y/n, I think I know what it is” Tony teases.

“What?” You ask intrigued putting your reviewer down

“A certain boy named Zach likes you” he shrugs

“Wha? No”

“Uh yes”

“Tony, I appreciate you playing ‘detective’ but there’s no way Zach will like me”

“Uhm, he does”

“No. He likes smart skinny girls. I’m neither of those things”

Tony looks at you frowning at your words “You’re worth so much more than your weight y/n/n”

“Why do girls feel so pressured to be someone they’re not?” Clay asks picking at his food. Skye kicks him under the table “Jensen! You did not just ask that” Clay shrugs in reply “I just don’t get it”

“Not everyone is as sweet as you Clay. People actually are quite rude. And this is just high school. You have to reach a certain standard in society to be seen as ‘pretty’ for some reason our society has standards for everything” You explain. Clay gives you a pitying smile but you just shake your head “No, it’s not bad, being a girl, you get used to it” You smile

“JENSEN” Your brother looks behind him to see Monty. You don’t bother looking because people usually refer to you using your first name. “Nah I mean female Jensen” Monty snickers. Clay shrugs tapping you. And you look up utterly confused. “What’s up Monty?” You ask raising your eyebrow. He laughs then turns away. “What the?” You shake your head and begin eating. “Jocks are the literal examples of weird assholes” Skye mumbles.

“Y/n, I think Zach really likes you” Clay begins as you to walk out of school. “Nah Clay, he’s just really nice” You sigh. You begin walking to walk to the parking lot and see Courtney talking to Tony. “Hey Court, what’s up?” You asked kinda annoyed that she was there. “Oh, I was just waiting for you, here! Bye Jensen twins, bye Tony, I have to go” She hands you a rose and with that, she walks away leaving you confused. You looked down at the note reading the sloppy handwriting

Roses are red

violets are blue

My stomach’s queasy

Whenever I talk to you

You blush at the note and keep it, holding the rose. “What’s this about?” You ask Tony while getting in the passenger seat of his car. “I don’t know, she never said anything” he shrugs.

As you begin to back up to leave the school, Marcus stops you. “DUDE?” Tony yells scared that he almost hit someone. “y/n/n, for you” he winks handing you a white rose and walking away.

Rose is now white

Which resembles what you bring, light

I love your smile

Seeing It, is worth while

Clay silently chuckles teasing you your whole ride home. You get to the house and there’s a pink rose stuck to the front door.

My love for you is pink

It makes no sense

But somehow always works

You take the rose, then keep the note then you change into your joggers and crop top. “y/n!” Clay calls from downstairs. You run down and he hands you a blue rose

Ha, now the rose is blue

Violets can be red

“Hey Zach”

Is the best thing you’ve ever said

You look at the note confused. So this was all Zach? Zach walks in the room holding a variety color of roses.

“Roses are red

but they can be blue too

I really like you

Can I call you my boo?”

Zach recites nervously. “Zach, I like you too” you whisper slightly self-conscious that he can see your tummy. “And for the record, you’re precious inside and out” he says snaking his arms around your waist and instantly making you feel more confident.

#zach dempsey #13 reasons why #13 reasons why zach x reader #13 reasons why imagine #13 reasons why imagines #thirteen reasons why #13rw #zachary shan-yung dempsey #imagines #oneshots #fluff #fanfiction #short stories

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leslieohdamnjr · 7 years

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Hey! I'm Sami and although I'm not new to the Ham fandom, I only just started this fic blog- I'm needing inspiration though, so if you wouldn't mind dropping any requests you have into my ask box (or even letting your followers know to do the same), that would be awesomeee because I'm itching to start writing for our awesome community!! I've followed your blog for a while now and I have to say, you're honestly one of my inspirations to start a writing blog of my own, so thank you for that

Congratulations on starting a fic blog, my friend! (I’ve followed from my main blog, villagecrazypeggy, just so you know, and I’m excited to see what you write!) I’m so happy to hear that I inspired someone, I’m serious, I almost cried when I saw that. Anyway. If I have a request, I’ll make sure to drop it in!

GUYS SEND YOUR REQUESTS TO THIS AWESOME PERSON.

If you don’t end up getting any however, I have a few requests here that I’ve dropped that you’re welcome to use and @hamimagines has some free prompts too. You can also search otp prompts or writing prompts through tumblr or google or somewhere else entirely.

I know you didn’t ask for advice, but I wanted to give you some anyway because I’ve noticed a lot of writers starting out make these mistakes (under the cut because it got kind of long),

Don’t expect asks, requests, followers, and notes to start rolling in with your first fic. I know, you’re like, ‘dude, I already knew that.’, but I want to stress it a lot because I didn’t even receive my first ask until I posted at least five fics. Some writers get a lot really quick and some writers have posted a bunch of fics and haven’t received any, you could be anywhere in that range.

Make sure your ask box is open. Whoops, I was a few fics in before I realized my ask box was closed.

Don’t be afraid to make friends with other writers or ask them to read your work! No writer in this community will be mad at you if you ask them to read your work, I promise. You can always just tag them but sometimes that doesn’t work, so most are open to you popping them a message/ask.

Most people aren’t going to send in a request before they know what your writing is like. So if you can, try and write something before you get a request, otherwise you probably won’t get requests. If you do get one, great! But it’s likely that you won’t, so use some of the options above and see what you can do!

Make it clear what you write. x readers? Character x character? Headcannons? NSFW? RPF? (you can put it in your bio, or mine is at the top of my masterlist/in my post about requests)

Make a masterlist early. When people come to your blog, they’re going to want to see what you’ve written, so make it easy for them to find it. Update it as you go along (some writer’s update it, like, on a weekly basis, do what you wanna do) and fanangle as needed.

Tag your work. Tag the heck out of everything you write. I’m serious, you can look at the tags on my last fic if you’re confused about how much to tag. Tag, tag, tag. That way, it’s easier for readers to find your work.

Don’t answer hate messages. I know it seems cowardice. I get it. But just imagine. This evil person sends you hate and then they wait for you to answer, refreshing and refreshing and refreshing, and pictures of your cat are popping up, or lovely pictures of you, fun stuff you reblogged, maybe a new fic. Just imagine how angry that would make a hater.

Most important of all, make sure you’re writing and posting because you want to. It shouldn’t be about the popularity of your blog, or pleasing the people in the community. You should sincerely do it because sometimes you’re sitting in class, bored af, and your brain goes ‘I wanna write Iwannawrite Iwannawriteiwannawriteiwannawrite OH THIS IS A GOOD IDEA writeitwriteitwriteit.”. You don’t have to want to write all the time, of course, but writing shouldn’t be a chore every time you sit down to do it.

youch this was long! Anyway, I hope you have fun and I would love to be tagged in your first fic! Please message me or send in an ask if you ever need help or have questions or just want to talk.

#sophie answers #hamsalamisami #writing advice

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