#the-loners-library | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

simpfornegan · 26 days

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but have any of us considered the jacemond au that could save us all?

#nerdy loner aemond with his equally nerdy but well known social butterfly boyfriend jace #everyone kinda sits and wonders how their relationship even works #aemond’s impulsive and temperamental with insults for days #while jace is charming and sweet unless provoked into being otherwise #they bicker as a form of foreplay #and share stolen kisses in the library #but the most fun happens in the dorm rooms during their study dates #bouns points if jace’s roommate comes back to aemond all tuckered out in jace’s bed while jace is just sitting at his computer desk #in aemond’s sweats and his ‘this is how i roll’ t-shirt and causally going ‘hey’#like he didn’t ride that man to sleep #jacemond #jaemond #aemond x jacaerys #aemond targaryen #jacaerys velaryon #modern au

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missmidnightchaos · 5 months

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I struggle with idea that people actually like me or like to talk to me...especially the people close to me.I just can't get myself to believe it,my mind doesn't let me.

I feel like such a liability..

#quote #poetry #books & libraries #books #spilled poetry #reading #quoteoftheday #bookworm #sad poetry #bookworms #loner

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rainreads · 2 years

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90% of my problems will solve if I learn public speaking. Somedays I deeply feel like the society is in favour of the extroverts or the ones who can easily fit and flow with every given circumstance. And not us, who have to rehearse even the tiniest social interaction like saying "present ma'am" during roll call. And the thing is, it sounds bizzare to others. It sounds absurd to others that some people really feel this anxious around people. But it's a fact, a reality, sometimes painful and sometimes pleasureable, for hoomans like us. At times I feel depressed when I see others of my age delivering speeches with utmost confidence during events, grabbing every opportunity they get, hanging out with friends, etc.

One has to walk a mile in our shoes, before coming into any conclusion regarding this matter. And and, it has nothing to do with ignorance. Some ignorant people are highly confident, not feeling even the slightest bit of anxiety when they talk. It's just.. unexplainable and exhausting. Don't know why I'm writing this. Ugh. Forget it.

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darkacademia-stuff · 1 year

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“I just want a humble, murderously simple thing: that a person be glad when I walk into the room.”

-Marina Tsvetaeva

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cosmicwriterof21stcentury · 1 year

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Forge the fire that burnt the city down,love, love, only love

Most of the time

I was on a verge of madness

An Incurable syndrome of some sorts

When I found myself crying often at little things

Or when I'd find myself being my own worst critic

I don't know how to let people go

Or let this frustration out

I never learnt how to manage my emotions

So it came out in the most Illogical ways

The lost motivation everytime I'd try to make something

All the crumpled papers in the corner of my room

They speak my truth.

And even more than that I found myself lying wide awake in bed in hopes that it would occur to someone how I really felt

Writing and drawing was only an attempt to reach out

I was mostly afraid of being lonely

And so it did, It draped me in its arms like a never leaving sickness

The one that made my bones crack under the weight of never being understood

I lie alot, specially when I say that I'm happy

And on days when I smile the widest , I feel ever so lonely

I don't know if you read this that you'll understand but I believe it's only human nature to seek validation, I haven't accomplished much in life except for a thing here and there ,not enough to make myself proud .

I am also the person who doesn't know what love tastes like except the crumbs of it that I learnt to lick off the tables,despite being told I've the most unique perspective of life,but won't a victim become the predator when it's been victimized his whole life?

I've been called many things - Narcissist, Irritable, Annoying,A Burden,good for nothing,a Failure and that's when I started to separate myself from the others. They couldn't see the facade of my sadness,My Clinging Younger Self that deafened me to demand justice? What justice? Where's the justice? I lived with her long enough to realise she isn't the one to be reasoned with,so I suffocated her and I killed her.

The ever so lovely faces,the enchanting smiles,the wicked souls and the lost sheeps.

I liked to think I'm better than them,better off them,better of them,better in a way that could only validate my Loneliness.

And when I look at other people's relationship with their mothers and fathers, I feel this Heinous Anger and possibly - Jealousy.

I don't hate my parents,oh no , I don't . That's a crime. It's a sin. Blood is thicker than water.

But sometimes I wish they would notice me,see me or just acknowledge my presence.

I want to feel vulnerable without thinking that it's an abomination to myself.

I've been cruel to my mother, my father's been cruel to my mother but sometimes I see her in my dreams, an image of her burning, she tells me to lick off her bones clean and love her,love her,love her,love her.

Eventually, I learnt it the hard way,but it's true,war isn't about the one's who won but the one who's left.

I often wish I could sew my hands to that of my friends hands , so we don't drift away,but in the loudest of rooms with their laughter I feel it echoing in the emptiness of the room.

I like classical music, the ones with instruments mostly,that of violins and cello and I daydream of being a hero which I can never be. A hero that saves everyone but themselves. A hero that can only be reborn with a purpose,which I do not have.

I don't remember anything from my childhood except a few memories which make me believe that I'm cracked in some places and my being is spilled out from those cracks ,but I only have two hands, so I let them go and Iook at my hands and I barely recognise who I am anymore.

I've lost my sense of self atleast a thousand times, if I could compare, I'm that drawer in the house with objects that don't belong there or maybe a crayon mixed up with other old crayons and I'm barely picked on, I suppose the colour I'm made of is likely the most unwanted of them all.

I get alot of remarks on who I am,what I was,what I would and what I should be.

I like to think that I'm not the first ,and I'll not be the last.

And when I look at my mother ,in my head,I hear a voice shouting do you see me? Do you love me? Have you ever loved me? Do you have this sadness inside you too? And in those moments I forget that ,my mother, she's been a daughter too, a wife,a Sophisticated,an elegant woman raised by a daughter like her while a daughter in her raised her own daughter.

I believe it's a system, a corrupted,a rigged one and on top of that ,A System that only rejects Emotions and is a home to the cultivation of starving each other of love and teaching each other the ways to make skin,hairs,hands and face soft. Hands , only if they weren't so cold to touch,they could've mistaken you were infact dead.

I don't know much about my childhood,let alone theirs but I like to think maybe I'll understand them when I get older,so I keep my mouth shut, I swallow my desires ,I burn my tongue and I speak, only the words that could please the ears of their lost gaze.

And I feel lonely,so lonely,with all these people around me, I feel suffocated.

They all call me their friend but they barely know how I feel, wouldn't it be as good as half dead?

But then I laugh it off, afraid they'll laugh at me. A roof on my head,food in mouth,a mouth sewn close and a lovely household. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it-

I miss my father alot but he barely calls me to even ask how I am , so I pretend that it doesn't really matter how does it feel ? Is it cold in the town? Doesn't it get lonely to be the shadow of a father who wasn't even there? A father gone by the afternoon, returned ,fed,sat and he left.

I like to think that they'll love me one day, but will i be the same?

I often reason with myself if I'm not worthy of love,so I get mean when I'm nervous,like a bad dog.

I learnt somewhere how you only recognize love when it's how you perceive love, but deep down I see the spilled empty pages of my diary in my room and I explode, famish, scatter and discard my heart on an origami crane.

I learnt a lot of things , mostly skills that required hand work in hopes that if they couldn't feel my pain , atleast they could see it? How do you glamorize someone's pain without vomitting blood? How to appreciate the death of a person who's never been born? How do you reason me with my ability to see beauty in twisted things when all you feed me is agony and pain?

So I dismiss it,my thoughts,my emotions, nowadays I like to sleep,so that when I cannot turn them off. I dissociate from the world.

It would only matter if you think it does,how can one love a broken,twisted thing with a lost limb and a burnt tongue? Unworthy of love,your foolish desires,eat the burning coal and love them back,love them back ,love them back,even if it hurts. It's supposed to hurt. It wouldn't get better, only you get resilient.

-the end-

-tamanna.

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libraryoflanie · 11 months

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“I too have known loneliness. I too have known what it is to feel misunderstood, rejected, and suddenly not at all beautiful.“

Mary Oliver, Blue Horses: Poems

#book quotes #books #books and literature #books & libraries #bookstagram #poetry #poets on tumblr #mahmoud darwish #love quotes #poetsandwriters #loneliness #lonely #loner girl

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arcanesdiary · 9 months

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"Like any unloved thing, I don’t know if I’m real when I’m not being touched."

- Natalie Wee ( ‘Loney’ Poem in “Our bodies and Other Fine machines” )

#writers and poets #dark academia #dark aesthetic #quotes #poems and quotes #book quotes #dark academism #drawing #writers on tumblr #writing #relatable quotes #lonesome #loner aesthetic #bookworm #book and libraries #writers community #poetry

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dipintomyelysian · 2 years

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Uh what is it again? Thick thighs …

#capverde #kriola #black is beautiful #capeverdean #me #curvs #curlyhair #self love #savage fenty #body #library #self healing #tropicbeauty #tropical #happy loner #love

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enbysiriusblack · 2 years

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first and second year 'marauders':

- they didn't call themselves the marauders at this point and it wasn't just remus, james, sirius, and peter

- remus was in and out of the group, not wanting to get to close to them (they properly joined and became the group of 4 when james, sirius, and peter found out remus' secret)

- mary and marlene were a part of the group (marlene being childhood friends with james, and then becoming automatic best friends with mary, she brought her into the group)

- lily and emmeline weren't a part of the group. they were friends with mary and marlene and remus but not the others. lily rarely spending time with any of them other than remus in classes without slytherin or the girls but only really in the dorms. and emmeline had a sister a year ahead in hufflepuff so she hung out with them more than the gryffindors

- they were fairly popular during that period, especially as Frank and Alice (a few years above them and very popular) took a liking to them and let them hang out with them. this is when james and mary's popularity started

- literally so loud. i can not even explain how loud. this is 11 year old james, mary, peter, sirius, and marlene I'm talking about. and before lily and remus joined them. just constant screaming and yelling.

- all of them extremely quidditch obsessed. not just about playing (only james, marlene, and sirius played and not on the team yet) but at the quidditch matches they would go so chaotic. fully decked out in gryffindor colours, booing other houses nonstop, waving huge flags, spending all their time making flags for the matches, etc.

- they ran around the castle all the time, and would accidentally break so many things

- McGonagall started up a club for them to try to release their energy in a better way (making flags and stuff for the quidditch matches, having friendly races and sporty stuff outside, helping out with the school gardens, making random stuff like flower chains and origami, etc.) it was sort of like a breakfast club/afterschool?? idk if other ones were the same as my old school but the one i had was for kids who needed to release excess energy, kids who's parents were still at work, and kids who's families were on low income and had like breakfast and snacks at school and played games they couldn't have at home. anyway, i feel like other students might have joined but those 5 were the only long lasting members

#i wanna give them a name just to make it easier when i refer to the group but i can't think of anything #so if you have any ideas pls tell me #remus was more of a loner during this period. he'd sometimes hang out with the classic other marauders but also didn't want to get close #other than that he was friends with lily and spent a lot of the time in the library with her of by himself #and lily would hang out with him or snape.. she liked mary and marlene and emmeline #but obviously mary and marlene hates snape and would make fun of him in front of her and she'd do the same about sirius and james #she was closer with emmeline at this time period but i mean lily still hung out with snape more and emmeline hung out with the hufflepuffs #the girls became more close friends and like. a friend group at the end of second year when sirius and james and peter got closer to remus #marauders era #marauders #marlene mckinnon #sirius black #james potter #peter pettigrew #mary macdonald

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a-dazzling-wallflower · 2 years

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"Collector of Treasures", Bessie Head

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toad-soup · 1 year

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I’m sorry but why did middle school lunch ladies have so much beef with random kids. Like ma’am that’s a 13 year old.

#like I get it for the kids that started fights but like?#they’d let me sneak out to the library because I was a pathetic gnc loner #but would like punt the other kids across the cafeteria if they tried to use the bathroom

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darkacademia-stuff · 1 year

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It is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world.

-Mary Oliver

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rosestothedead · 1 year

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"I don't want to kill myself or die. I just want to disappear until I feel okay again."

#books & libraries #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #spilled ink #academic libraries #long reads #booklover #poetsandwriters #female poets #poetry #loveislove #loneliest #lonelier version of you #loner life #deathcore

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cursedgoddesss · 2 years

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I wanted to participate in a giveaway but then i realised you need friends for that. 🌝

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somebody2u · 2 years

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🥀°•I don't care what people say about me only I know my story only I know what I've been through I was born to be authentic and not please everyone °

#poetry #student #books & libraries #literature #dark academia #travel #lifestyle #love quotes #loner life

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hrnylovesickmess · 2 months

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I think the worst part of relationships is when you know the other person almost too well. So well that you know exactly what he/she is going to react to something. You know exactly when they are lying to your face maybe just to please you but it's so shallow to you that you see right through it. The other person understands you seeing through it but is at the same time too embarrassed to admit it. When affirmations become a regular habit and it doesn't really matter or feels real anymore. When you seek a little more validation than "yeah you look fine". I hate it when relationships fall into a routine and it becomes something predictable.

#writing #wish i was normal #writeblr #writers on tumblr #books and libraries #black and white #poetic #personal #sadgirl #sad poetry #sad thoughts #dark academia #there is absolutely nothing lonelier #loner

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