#then I'd feel haunted

[mobius-m-mobius]

#owen wilson #haunted mansion #asflksjfk not the ghost actually listening to him i'm so ready for this movie 😭🤣 #would honestly protect kent with my life he's possibly a top 5 character already and the movie isn't even out yet 🥺 #i mean i'd protect him while on my knees but y'all feel me lol #(and yes ofc i'm giffing the sunglasses scene tomorrow) #haunted mansion spoilers #movieedit #owenwilsonedit #flashing cw #dianagifs

[thislittlecowcanfly]

i'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday

#satosugu #stsg #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk art #jujutsu kaisen art #my art #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #geto suguru #suguru geto #ieri shoko #shoko ieri #artists on tumblr #art #because i just KNOW THIS SONG WOULD HAUNT GOJO LATER ON #can you imagine gojo going if heaven's grief brings hell's rain then i'd trade all my tomorrow's #FOR JUST ONE YESTERDAY #ive also been feeling so terrible recently so hopefully you enjoy my outlet

[ciderjacks]

ik everyone and their mother has said this already but I appreciate how many episodes of puppet history focus on non-white stories and are both respectful and dont just focus on mass suffering at the hands of white people, and when they do have episodes involving that they still make sure to focus on the people fighting back and not just "oh this horrible thing was done, sad!"

Also I appreciate how Shane makes an effort to pronounce shit correctly, and to be respectful of people's cultures and spirituality, and to find lesser known stories from these cultures. It's always cool to go into the comments and see people who usually don't see their history or people acknowledged talking about how happy the episode made them.

#I hope he does an episode on ndn history I feel like it would heal the part of me who had to sit through 30000 white history teachers #all telling the same story #as good as it is to be in a time where colonization and native people get acknowledged beyond the basic “they were there and then we were!” #bs it's also like. ive had several times where ive had to step out in class bc my white teacher was talking about how white people #slaughtered ppl like me. in horrific horrific detail. some stories which still haunt me. #I know much of our history is soaked in tragedy but I would be happy to see a puppet history episode talking about what we did divorced fro #the white man or at least. what we did when we werent being betrayed and raped and murdered. yk. cause i feel like thats literally all #people know about us. its probably a reason why so many white americans think we're not around anymore haha #if I could commission a puppet history episode i'd commission one on ndn history tbh #sorry tags got ranty #puppet history #shane madej

[ddarker-dreams]

sometimes i wonder if i'm making blade's dialogue too unnatural and then i look at his voice lines and go,

ah. no. this fits.

#i actually love his style of speech #it's cryptic yet poetic? #replicating it though........ i keep feeling like a great value brand shakespeare #HWR reader's dialogue has a similar 'stiffness' to it but she's just weird so i can work with that #i feel like i'd be doing blade a disservice if what he says doesn't have a haunting quality to it #lock.txt

[simptasia]

my mum died last night

#i was with her. i spoke comforting words to her as her breathing slowed #she didn't suffer - she wasn't in any pain. she heard me and became slower and slower then i... saw her die #i never predicted i'd be there at the moment of death #it was her time. her body had been slowly shutting down the last three days and she'd been officially dying for 5 months #she was so strong. she was hanging on for me. needing to know i'd be able to survive with her gone #once it was clear that things were gonna be fine (besides the emotional toll) she started to truly let go #i've been with her whenever i could be the last three days. and night nurses watched her as i slept #last nights nurse woke me to be with her in her final moments #besides hearing me talk the last few days - i was also running star trek for her to listen to #she couldn't communicate or move but we all knew she was aware of things around her #i gave her words of reassurance and comfort and the last words she heard me say were ''i love you'' #and three days ago before she lost the ability to speak the last words she managed were ''i love you'' #so things went as well as they could be considering the situation #she died a little over 12 hours ago. it was 7 hours before they could take the body away. that was. haunting #it's been a rough day. worst day of my life. but mum is at peace now. and i have a lot of kind people to support me #everything will be okay eventually and i have my whole life ahead of me and mum wants that life to be good #so i musn't give up. now matter how depressed i feel

[allwaswell16]

I was innocently driving today when an enormous red pickup truck pulled up alongside me on the left and a dog stuck its head out the window. It was one of those Siberian Husky dogs and it looked right at me and made a face. I don't know how to describe it but my immediate thought was that the dog was embarrassed. I realize this makes no sense. But I thought well maybe it knows it's in a very obnoxious vehicle. Dogs don't generally make faces at me, so I was still looking at it when the light turned green and the truck took off, which is when I noticed the vanity licence plate. Just boldly there in all caps...GIRTHY.

#i should write this into a fic #every weird scenario like this that happens to me irl #just all end up in my fics #anyway i feel like this is going to haunt me #so i thought i'd share #so it can haunt you too

[winepresswrath]

i will say ariana commits like no one else. "yes, and?" as a response to cheating on your husband with spongebob is gutsy. yes, and?" as a response to "you wrote and recorded this album about cheating on your husband with spongebob?" is transcendent.

#spongebob clearly likes women who know how to articulate their feelings because not a girls girl was obviously an instant classic #i'm sorry we can't be friends is an amazing song but i'm being haunted by context #we can't be friends because you cheated on me with spongebob #wait until you like me again #he was playing a munchkin is a wizard of oz prequel at the time #i don't want to fight but i'd rather die than bite my tongue #what a beautiful and heart wrenching summation of a near universal human tragedy #spongebob's wife was pregnant. u took me on a double date with spongebob and his pregnant wife #caveat that i am not actually up on celeb gossip this is just what has made it my way but really. the sponge is hers #i'd say so. he's a ruined man WHO is going to want him when she's done

[healthpipe]

I don't think I plan on regurgitating the unpleasant details of what happened here but I will say I'm immediately looking at the situation with a much better mind. I can get psych help again and start the therapy they gave me and get my cranial shit together.

#Mine #This is all hypothetical. I have no idea what the psych I liked is doing now. #When I find out how to effectively communicate with the rest of my skull and bridge memory lapses it's going to be fine. #I lost everything but I don't know how much residual feelings of complicities I'd want to keep anyway for the things I do know. #I'm still effectively haunted by the things stemming from my own hand as is it's a little much.

[navree]

How can you humanize Maegor , if you will make a show about him?

It depends on how far back you're willing to go in his life, because really up until he takes the crown, you can do quite a bit to humanize him and make him someone people want to engage with, without woobifying him or trying to excuse the truly heinous things he does. Starting backstory onwards, there are lot of ways to do this. There's a lot of room to play with in his childhood and the interpersonal relationships that should be his strongest tethers to humanity, but aren't: his relationship with his brother, his relationship with his mother, and his relationship with his father.

Aenys and Maegor are a relationship that was doomed to fail since birth. For one, while the age gap isn't huge, five years is still pretty significant in terms of differences in development as children, which definitely got in the way of any bonding. For two, they also appear to have largely grown up separately, with Aenys spending most of his time by Aegon's side in King's Landing, and Maegor being raised on Dragonstone with Visenya, before the two essentially switched places with Aegon at Dragonstone and Visenya overseeing the construction of the Red Keep in King's Landing. For three, there's also the external factors, such as their incredibly different personalities and viewpoints on basically everything, as well as the fact that, when Maegor was born, Aenys was only very recently removed from the complete breakdown he had due to his trauma over his mother's sudden death, and likely still wasn't in a state to be trying to forge new bonds with anyone who wasn't Quicksilver (and Aegon, but Aegon's grandfathered in by being his literal dad). So Maegor, who we know wasn't making friends on Dragonstone and just in general was probably really isolated from kids his own age due to it being Dragonstone (not unlike how we see with Shireen Baratheon) also isn't getting any kind of connection from anyone close to his own age throughout his entire childhood.

Really, the only person Maegor is close to in any capacity is his mother, Visenya. She's the parent he grew up with, his primary caregiver and his closest relationship not just in childhood, but likely throughout his entire life. In the nature vs nurture debate on childrearing, she's the one who was providing the nurture. Nearly everything about Maegor, his personality and his view of the world and his personal philosophies and his love map in his brain, among many other things, all of that was shaped by Visenya and her influence on him and her care and devotion for him. And with no one else really around to provide him any sort of companionship that he might have needed, and with his other parent being incredibly distant and barely a parent, Maegor likely latched onto her incredibly strongly. I think, if asked, Maegor would say that, should he be found capable of love, Visenya would be the person he loved the most in his life (I'm of the opinion that his relationship with Tyanna was him trying to find a significant other that most reminded him of his beloved mother, not entirely dissimilar to the way that Henry VIII felt that an ideal wife would be one who was almost identical to Elizabeth of York). And we know that this is something that persisted long after childhood, into his adulthood Visenya was his strongest supporter and Maegor relied on her a lot early in his reign, and was publicly devastated when he learned that she had died. His mother was the only parent he ever really knew as a parent, certainly the family member he loved most, adored even, especially in such sharp distinction with Aegon as a distant father. And speaking of that distant father...

I love Aegon, he's one of my absolute favorite Targs, but he was practically just a parent in name only to his second son. And that's going to do a number on someone, no matter who they are. Maegor's father doesn't much care for his mother, certainly doesn't seem to care for him at all personally, and despite the fact that Maegor is probably far more like Aegon, and a far worthier successor, than Aenys, Aegon still dotes on his eldest while barely spending any time with Maegor. And it's not because of anything Maegor's done, or even anything Aenys has done: it's entirely because of Aenys's mother. Aenys is Aegon's favorite, his precious son, not because of anything Aenys has done to earn that, but simply because he is the son of Aegon's beloved Rhaenys, and that his very existence is a way of having Rhaenys still with him after her disappearance/death. We know that Aegon was forever incredibly affected by what happened to Rhaenys and that he never stopped loving her, given that he openly wept when he held Rhaena and was informed that she was named after her grandmother. Meanwhile, there's Maegor, whose own mother's relationship with his father was never very good (marriage of duty for them vs the Aegon/Rhaenys marriage of desire) and had become incredibly cold and distant by the time that he was born, and you can very easily see how that might ultimately affect a kid. He's watching his mother be completely ignored by his dad just for being the wrong woman, he's dealing with himself being completely ignored and passed over in love and affection just because he's the son of the wrong woman, because his mother isn't the lost ghost that Aegon loved and won't ever be able to stop loving. How much of Maegor's prowess in fighting, not to mention the unchecked aggression he showed during training, was borne of trying to impress his martially skilled father and being upset when it didn't work? How much of his continued presence in tourneys and melées was to show Aegon that he was a much better son than Aenys, that he deserved the love Aegon was freely giving his brother just as much? Was there ever a time when he resented Visenya for being his mother when that was enough to make Aegon uninterested, and did he ever hate himself for blaming the wrong person, or blaming anyone at all? How much did he internalize his own feelings about it as the relationship never got any warmer? How did he feel when Aegon finally noticed him enough to knight him himself, and make him the youngest knight in the realm at that? Did Maegor ever want to talk to him about it once he was a young man, did he ever want to try and forge a stronger relationship on his own merits as an adult, did he ever even try?

There's also the matter of Balerion, which is as much its own relationship as a subset of anything that can be played with as it pertains to Aegon and Maegor. For one, we know that Maegor point blank refused to claim any dragon because he felt that Balerion was the only one worthy of him. And you can take that at face value, but you can also go deeper into it, into the ideas that Maegor might not be consciously aware of. Maybe he wants to try and connect with his father on some level through the dragon bond. Maybe he looks at how Aegon gives Aenys so much, his companionship and his throne and his sword and his love, Hell he even gives Aenys a Valyrian bride (Alyssa Velaryon) but demands that Maegor settle for a simple Westerosi, as if he's lesser than and not the blood of old Valyria. And still he waits to see if maybe Aegon will give him something. Maybe once Aegon is too old for dragonriding, he'll give Maegor Balerion, or at least give Maegor the opportunity to try, to prove himself as Aegon's son, to have that connection. And when Aegon doesn't, when it's still Aenys getting everything Maegor might not even realize he wants, that's just another disappointment for him.

But Maegor does get Balerion anyway, once Aegon dies. He finally gets a connection to Aegon that's his alone, and it's after Aegon is already dead and likely after Maegor was already hardening into the man he would ultimately be remembered as. Not to mention, even on its own, Balerion and Maegor's bond is a good way to show a human element to the man. I've always maintained that, when it comes to Targaryens, the most unconditionally loving and the most openly affection and emotional we should see them should really be with the dragons. With their magic and their Valyrian blood and old world roots and just everything about them, even if you don't subscribe to Targaryen exceptionalism, they are pretty far removed from the place they actually live; culturally and ethnically and socially, they are not Westerosi and certainly in Maegor's time, don't see themselves or are seen by others as Westerosi. The dragons, products of Valyria's heyday, are the closest living beings that Targaryens can relate to, and this is doubly important when it comes to Balerion, who was born during the reign of the Valyrian Freehold, who was alive before the Doom. Balerion is a living cultural heritage, and for someone as isolated as Maegor is (and, as we see in his actions re: his marriages and the Faith, as divorced from Westerosi customs and standards as he is), having that connection is probably the deepest one he'd have, bar maybe his mother, and even then, despite that closeness and love, their mutually cold personalities probably made it hard to be open in any deep affection once Maegor started growing up. Dragons and their riders are practically one being, they feel each other's pains and pleasures and angers and grudges and triumphs, and Maegor having something like that, along with the connection to a father he never really was connected to, adds a human element to the man that he was, despite the fact that he used Balerion to do terrible things.

You can also do a lot with Maegor's actions before his own kingship, specifically the reign of his half-brother Aenys. In spite of their differences and distances, in spite of the shadow of Aegon and the relationships he had with his sisters that affected his relationship with his own sons in turn, Aenys does embrace Maegor with open arms. He gives him Blackfyre, another possession of Aegon's that Maegor must have coveted, and he promises that they'll rule together. They're both adults now, and Aenys seems emotionally sensitive enough to have realized that Maegor probably has some deep rooted issues borne out of things that were set in motion before he was even conceived. And while Visenya might have scoffed at the gestures Aenys made for Maegor, Maegor appears to have taken them really seriously. He personally crushes a rebellion against Aenys in the Vale, and makes huge showings of his loyalty by fighting really hard for his brother against his foes. When Aenys makes him his Hand, Maegor takes that responsibility really seriously and is willing to obey Aenys as his Lord and King, as well as protect him. This seems to have been loyalty that was reciprocated, since it's noted that, when Aenys exiles Maegor for his bigamy, he does it because he felt he had no other option than to be mad at Maegor for what he did, due to the huge public outcry, and even then he still offers Maegor a way out. He only exiles him because Maegor refuses to set Alys aside (another way to humanize Maegor, he takes Alys as a wife despite it being a big taboo for most Westerosi and in spite of her being from a pretty minor noble House, and he refuses to leave her even at the cost of losing his home, he keeps her by his side and he refuses to give her up when there were likely a shitton of better options to deal with his childlessness, to say nothing of women from greater Houses with more potential for him politically, but he CHOSE Alys), since Aenys felt that this was the only choice left to him. And Maegor abides by the exile. Yeah, he takes Blackfyre even though Aenys asked him to leave it, but he still goes into exile, and he stays in exile. Aenys rides Quicksilver and Maegor rides Balerion, the two dragons literally go toe to toe with each other and it's so massively onesided because Quicksilver doesn't stand a chance. If Maegor wanted to, he could have very easily repudiated his exile and decimated Aenys if he tried to enforce it. But Aenys told him to go, so he did, and he stayed gone until Visenya came to fetch him back with the news that Aenys was dead. He respected Aenys's word as king, his sovereign authority as liege lord and as the elder brother, and even if he might not have entirely thought the man worthy of what he had, that does speak to a sort of deference in spite of the complexities of their upbringing, and a willingness to obey Aenys despite everything about their personalities.

So, by the time Maegor comes back from Pentos to usurp the throne, there's a lot that can be used to humanize him and make him a compelling protagonist. A close but somewhat stilted relationship with the only parent to have ever tried with him, an unfulfilled, desperate need for approval and affection from a parent who couldn't give that to him due to circumstances entirely outside his control, a brother he didn't know well in his youth and might not have thought worthy of what he had and certainly been jealous of but that he still respected as king and fought hard to defend and that he deferred to even when he didn't have to, at least one marriage that, in spite of what little it offered him and the clusterfuck it caused, he valued enough that he refused to set aside, and an intense bond with a fearsome dragon that you can make him value more than almost anything or anyone. All of that set up can then be used for an extraordinary fall from grace, to watch the potential and nuance slowly grow darker and darker and darker as Maegor does increasingly horrible things, treats the people in his life increasingly badly, descends further and further into the tyranny and madness that will utlimately kill him. There's bright spots that can be used as well, like the fact that he does have Jaehaerys as his heir and doesn't seem to have had him or Viserys treated that badly, even though they were prisoners, and that he didn't actually set out to kill Aegon the Uncrowned at all until Aegon decided to take back his throne and amass an army. Then, as we've watched Maegor slide further and further down, we can watch with a sinking dread as he annihilates Aegon beneath God's Eye, as he turns on Alys and extinguishes her family, as he has Viserys literally tortured to death to punish Alyssa and Jaehaerys and Alysanne for their escape from Dragonstone. So that, by the time we get to shit like the completion of the Red Keep and the Black Brides, we see that Maegor is incredibly far gone, and we can only watch as all the complexities within him are swept aside by the monster he's become, so foul and loathsome that the eldritch abomination that is the Iron Throne finally kills him to stop the madness.

It's not about woobifying Maegor or excusing him. It's about providing a reason for the audience to look back on who he was as he becomes what he was always going to be, to give explanations for why he does the things that he does (how much of his initial militarism and violence and heavy-handedness, before he went doolally, was borne out of not just his martial prowess as a kid but also watching Aenys's version of ruling not work, for instance), and to get people to understand and feel his initial motivations so that the later stuff also makes sense, and so that you're watching something akin to a doomed fall when he becomes Maegor the Cruel. These are, at least to me, some of the most important and influential ways you can humanize Maegor as a character if you're planning to center him in a proper narrative story, without filing down his edges and keeping him as the kind of person he is. Extrapolate on why he is the way he is, and then show him how he is throughout his lifetime and what he does, along with the how and why of what he does.

#personal #answered #anonymous #maegor targaryen #maegor the cruel #yeah i've got a lot of thoughts about the conquerors and the dragon's peace and the sons of the dragon #anyway remember what i said about rhaenys being the glue that held the family together? #rhaenys's death being the reason that everything starts to fall apart? #rhaenys being the figure that looms large over the early reigns of the targaryens? #rhaenys being the ghost that haunts this entire family and won't ever leave them until all the people that both knew her #and were affected by her are dead? yeah i stand by all of that #it's why i'd want a sons of the dragon show to be preceded by a conquest show #so that the intense shift in dynamics and characters once she's gone makes sense #so that the very essence of the story changes when she dies #but anyway i've got Feelings #@ hbo come on guys!!!!!! #i'm right here i'm willing to work for very little money on this!!!! #(and then once i get y'all raking in cash through my correct opinions about the conquest and the sons of the dragon) #(you let me make the augustus show) #hope some of this makes sense i've been thinking about these characters a lot #so sometimes it's hard to organize it all into a cohesive essay

[churchydragon]

"I love the haunted video game genre" I say, scared and paranoid

#churchy talks #I'm watching Jall's Shipwrecked 64 vod cuz I had to leave during the stream since it was 10 pm and like #oog. scary. idk what it is about haunted low poly games but they get me so paranoid and spooked #maybe it's because low poly games where such a big part of my childhood. I look at a low poly model and I feel at home #they did a great job with the game. I'd love to play it myself #but it's one of those games where I'd need someone with me to keep me grounded so I don't lose my mind out of stress and fear and paranoia #I'd also need a little notebook and cipher websites cuz there's a lot of puzzles with codes #churchy tag rambles

[faunandfloraas]

Jeongin having almost no votes on that poll makes sense to me, not because I think he'd do particularly bad but because I'm utterly certain if he ended up stranded with one of us he'd just up and leave and I wouldn't blame him

#he'd be like No. Sorry. Good luck. Bread baii. #seungmin is honestly a wild card bc he didnt get scared much in the haunted ep and he can be calm and level headed #so theres the chance hes actually a decent choice #but then I remembered him asking lee know if he could pick the cabbage with gloves and lee know was like ? Yeah... and i go Hmmm. No. #changbin is strong but also he's a lil city boy and he's a bit of a scaredy cat- hes gonna AHHH and im gonna AHHHH #and the creature will get us... But to go out in the strong arms and against the changbiddies of seo changbin? not a bad way to go #han is clusmy as hell and i think our personalities are similar so together? we'd die near immediately. #maybe by accidentally walking off a cliff or something not actually related to ghosts or strandedness #felix would be crying and freaking out and then I'd get annoyed bc crying makes me Uncomfy and i'd snap at him and then i'd feel SO bad #i'd have to give myself up to the entity as apology for being mean bc who could go on after that? #Hyunjin is gonna scream and im gonna follow suit and we're gonna get taken out also near immediately #but maybe he'd let me wear his versace glasses for a minute #so yeah lee know to me is the best bet 👍 im still goin chan tho #regardless of if you get off the island or not: You- yes YOU- will be attacked and cancelled by stay twitter no matter what #im avoiding go to clean out my uncles house can you tell

[theemeraldforestafterdark]

#I'm feeling very sleepy #and this song popped into my head #I'd never seen the video before #Blackbriar #You're haunting me #Cause of the Shipwreck

[writtenmemxries]

Ghosts (how can I move on) by Muse is the most destiel post 15x18 song to ever exist in this essay I will—

#this song just started playing and i got war flashbacks so intense i had to sit down and stare at the wall for a few seconds #there are unsolved feelings that haunt me??? #if i could bring you back there are truths and confessions i'd tell you??? #how can i move on when everyone i see still talks about you??? #like. are you fucking kidding me. #destiel

[kithj]

decent video covering the work of kitty horrorshow. for the most part he just goes through each game and relays the plot, but it is interesting to see them all laid out together, how they are similar and how her work has evolved and the common themes that she keeps revisiting in each one. his analysis mainly focuses on the Places that she explores in her games; the environments, the haunted houses, and how they are all "built wrong." he talks about haunting of hill house, house of leaves, myhouse.wad, vivarium, and a few other movies towards the end.

my own ramblings about some of the games under the cut :-)

one thing i've always projected onto haunted houses, and especially some of the hostile, haunted places prevalent in kitty horrorshow's work, is a trans narrative *everyone pretends to be shocked*

sagan does mention this briefly in the video, and he admits that it's not his personal interpretation that he plans to talk about (which is totally fine) but that is very obviously there, these themes of autonomy and transformation in these works all go hand in hand with gender identity, with the trans/nb experience.

so when people talk about a house being "built wrong" it always reminds me of the trans narrative of "born in the wrong body." i know this isn't necessarily a mindset a lot of people still agree with anymore now that our language around being trans has evolved, but i also know there are some people that do still feel this way regardless, and even if we don't completely consider ourselves "born in the wrong body" i think the majority of us do have a very... contentious relationship with our bodies.

i always see a house that is intent on haunting you as a body that is inhospitable.

we see people in kitty horrorshow's work that try and change the world around them, or failing that, that literally change themselves. in rain, house, eternity, the structure we've been traversing is someone who has broken free of her physical form and been reborn into something that she chose for herself, after her community forced her down a path that she did not want. sagan brings this up again at the end of his analysis, where he talks about the way the environment is molded by the player as well as the way the player is molded by the environment. he mentions the movie vivarium, and how people are forced into these littles boxes (ie the nuclear family, gender roles, preconceived stereotypes, etc), whether they want it or not, by their environment and the societal expectations that are a part of that.

but again, the environment can also be molded by the player; it is influenced by the characters within the narrative. the environment grows flesh and teeth and has a heartbeat and i like this idea that our environment is alive and is also flesh and blood that can be reflected back at us. it could be cathartic or horrifying depending on how you feel about your body, about your experiences, about how society perceives you. in the end we can become the structure, we can change ourselves and become our environment, undefinable and infinite, or we can be restricted by it, and forced into something we don't want-- made inhospitable.

there is both a lack of agency in the house being built, but a reclamation in the haunting as someone or something transitions and fills the empty rooms with a new form. stone to flesh or flesh to stone as it is in rain, house, eternity, or drywall to glitches and blood like in anatomy. inhospitable but at least it's mine.

in 000000FF0000, the game itself doesn't even want to be found. it's a living thing that's hidden itself away and is in great pain. it's restricted by its own code, it longs for the seasons and the sea but it can only think about the cages it's been locked in. the only agency it finds is in shutting itself down after the player reaches a certain point. we are forced to be perceived by others, by society, even when we are in pain, even when we aren't really ourselves, due to how we look, how we were born, or whatever other cages society has put us in. the lack of autonomy, the lack of control in our own creation... this game is actually one of the ones that have stuck with me the most, i think it's extremely well executed and impactful and is possibly her second best behind anatomy.

and then there's circadia-- the girl returning to her childhood home, seeing her childhood and memories and her body reflected back at her in this house. wanting to hurt it, feeling trapped by it and how she used to be. the people there that don't really see her as she is now, the trauma literally in the walls. she laments her apartment, missing it "like a lover" because that's the place she carved out for herself versus this house she was forced into, this house that's always there and always waiting for her to come back even though she clearly never wants to come back.

when you're trans, there are always people trying to get you to "come back," to be like you used to be. looking back at yourself, childhood photos and old memories of when people treated you differently. your body a new space now but there are still the bones of that old house you left behind. the world trying to force you back into the house even if it doesn't fit anymore, even if it's painful, even if all you can do is haunt it.... the code in 000000FF0000 confining the game to exist in one way even though it hurts them, no other option but to bury themselves deep in various folders within your computer and hoping to never be found. hiding from the world because there are people that insist these things are hardcoded into your biology, that predetermine how you have to live and there is no other way for you to live. and if you go against that code it breaks the game for them... does that make sense?

and in rain, house, eternity, she demolishes the house and turns herself into stone, she finds autonomy despite what the game wants and what the world wants. indefinable and infinite because there is no binary and the walls of this house are your house to destroy and rebuild as many times as you want in any way that you want.

i definitely recommend kitty horrorshow's work if you've never played any of her games before. she's most well known for anatomy, which i didn't really touch on because it's so popular (for good reason) she does have a few twine games, hornets and wolfgirls in love, and then circadia is just a 5 page flash-fiction. and of course i also super recommend rain, house, eternity, and 000000FF0000. i already linked her itch page up there but here it is again! check her out.

#fellow kitty h. o7 #wow sorry i got annoying under the cut lmfao #stopped abt halfway cus anatomy is pretty well covered at this point and with the haunted cities collections #i'd like to play more of them myself #anyways im sure someone has made this analysis before but its not something ive seen myself #idk the idea of a house being alive and trapped and unable to change and haunting its occupants.... #it feels. familiar. sometimes i feel like im haunting myself #this problem i have where my body is not me #maybe houses feel like that too. you know? #lmfao <- throwing that in to make this less serious teehee #video #dare i put this in the IF tag? sure why not #interactive fiction #games

[jeansyvesmoreau]

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#god I feel so unwell #I'm at the mall and like. I thought I'd never have to hear the name of my old dance school again #but nope fuck obviously they're doing a performance today and I'm stuck in the shop next to them #and on the stage that I used to perform on!!! and that place fucked me up so badly!!! #and seeing a familiar face and seeing a newer younger class move with the easy grace I could never achieve is just. a slap to the face #I'm just. fucking getting flashbacks I just feel so shitty #just a week before I'm out of this town for good and can escape them they just HAVE to hunt me down and haunt me one last time!!! #I feel like I'm gonna fucking lose it for good

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her. #but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core) #but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke. #like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to??? #everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those) #i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women'' #which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love) #i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it?? #even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses?? #that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger??? #and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem