#then again Mariana probably does not want to get hurt/rejected again so she tells herself:

[nightingaleflow]

List, pride and wrath for Mariana?? - @written-in-gold

Well all right let's gooo~

This is long as heck so learn more about Mariana Rosales under the cut.

Thank you for the ask, written-in-gold!

Seven Deadly Sins OC Asks

LUST

What is your oc’s sexual/romantic orientation?

Mariana is a lesbian, both romantically and sexually.

Is your oc dating anyone? If so, who?

Yes, her love interest and eventual girlfriend is Sakura Haruno.

Would you say your oc is bashful about intimate conversations, or are they the blunt one that makes everyone else uncomfortable?

Mariana is not bashful in the slightest (she's not anyway, plus one of her best friends is Holly, a literal porn artist, so sexual conversations are perfectly normal and comfortable for her). However, she's a big believer in "time and place." Ask her sexually charged questions at one of her 18+ panels at a convention? She'll tell you everything in detail. Ask her a sexually charged question while eating dinner in a crowded restaurant? She'll probably yell at you.

Does your oc judge other couples? If so why?

She's a weeb. She has full lists of fictional couples she thinks are healthy and good versus ones that are not. She tries not to judge Real Life couples too much unless the relationship is hurting one of her friends.

Is your oc confident in their relationship? Why or why not?

Prior to Sakura, she projected confidence, but in reality, she had a lot of doubts with most relationships. She's a professional cosplayer as well as a model, so there's always that trickle of doubt that wonders if the other person is in it for her or if they're there for the publicity.

With Sakura specifically, there was a HUGE doubt at the beginning because of Sakura's infamous infatuation with Sasuke. Fortunately, after an incident where Sakura flat out rejected an advance from Sasuke, that doubt evaporated and their bond became unbreakable.

What is your oc’s favorite way to show affection?

Gifts and Acts of Service are Mariana's love languages. She'll give flowers, neat rocks, little snacks, anything that she finds that makes her think of someone. She also loves helping the people she loves, such as by sewing little rips in clothing, cleaning, or lending a friendly ear.

PRIDE

Is your oc a leader? Who do they lead?

She's an online influencer (Mariposita), so she technically leads her fanbase (the Oruguitas). She's also a household name in the cosplay world, and a lot of people look to her for advice on making costumes and performing in cosplay contests.

Does your oc trust the judgment of others?

If it's outside of her expertise, such as when playing video games, yes. If it has to do with something like social media or cosplay, she only trusts herself.

How well or not well does your oc take constructive criticism?

Again, it all depends on who it's coming from and what the subject matter is. Cosplay contest judges? Sure. The rando who wants her to cosplay Mileena from Mortal Kombat purely to see her ass? Hell no.

Is your oc very vain? Explain.

She is vain, but then, her looks are part of her job. She has to look perfect all the time if she's out in public or posting photos/videos online because that's how she makes money.

How does your oc take pride in themself and others?

Mariana takes pride in herself by keeping herself in shape, taking care of her hair, following her beauty routine each day and night, and always acknowledging herself in the mirror before going out.

What does your oc think their best trait is? Is it true?

Her hair, and it is true. Following the above question, she takes a lot of pride in taking care of her hair and making sure it's shiny and strong. Whenever she can, she uses her natural hair in her cosplays because she loves showing it off.

WRATH

Does your character anger easily? Why or why not?

Nope, Mariana is pretty chill. She doesn't feel it's a good use of her time or energy to get angry all the time. She does have a few anger points though, such as people accusing Evie of faking her disability (she has a prosthetic leg) or people calling Holly a whore or a slut. If that happens, you'd best believe the earrings are coming off immediately.

Describe a point where your oc was the maddest they’ve ever been.

When Holly's ex cheated on her. Mariana was fully ready to cut some throats.

Is your oc easy to disappoint? How so?

Nope, Mariana is willing to give people chances and go with the flow if things don't go quite right.

Is your oc physically strong?

YES. Her workout activity of choice is pole dancing, and she's been doing it for a few years. As a result, Mariana is insanely strong. She can easily wrap a leg around the pole and just hang there for several minutes with no issue.

How does your oc act toward anger from others?

Usually with a shrug and a "that sounds like that's your problem."

Does your oc see intimidation as a good tactic to gain respect?

Not in the slightest. Mariana feels that respect is gained from hard work, skill, and giving respect yourself. She'd never use intimidation.

#first time talking about Mariana let's gooo #oc talk #Mariana Rosales #Who You Are At Night #ask nightingale #nightingale writes #writing #fanfiction #written-in-gold #ask box game #oc asks

[lia-jones]

Growing Stronger - Chapter Thirty-Six - The Father of the Bride

They say one of the hardest days in a man’s life is the one when he gives his daughter away to another man. And Jeremy was travelling into that dark night alone, without any one to advise him. His father never had the same experience; Jeremy’s sister never got married. Not that his father would care or even be present should his sister get married. In fact, Jeremy was sure his father was the reason his sister never married in the first place.

Fortunately, that wasn’t his daughter’s case. She had had the example of a happy family, one that he had raised with love and understanding, hoping to break the cycle of abandonment. Although her experience before Victor was enough to send anyone on a one-way trip to celibacy, that wasn’t his Andrea. She was strong, resilient, and had within her a joy of life many spend a lifetime trying to obtain. She was insightful and hopeful, and that gave her the truly rare ability to see beauty in everything. Apparently, such had been the case with Victor. Where everyone else saw coldness, she saw light.

Although Jeremy and Victor were very different men with very different backgrounds, he could see so much of him in that remarkable young man it was almost funny. Yet, he could never exactly figure what it was that he found so similar. The realization dawned on him at the rehearsal dinner, when he saw Gregory interact with his son.

A deadbeat dad is a deadbeat dad, no matter the social status. That night, he had seen in Gregory’s eyes the same contempt he saw in his own father’s, and in Victor’s eyes the exact same blend of hurt and defiance that he was sure oftentimes he had in his own. And in that moment, Jeremy was absolutely certain that Victor was the best husband Andrea could find: a man who had experienced rejection and pain, but was driven enough to create a life full of love and understanding for himself and the love of his life.

Jeremy sighed and rolled out of bed. This was way too much contemplation before coffee. Plus, he hated to wake up without Mariana, and he could really use her that morning. She would surely and quickly put an end to his useless internal monologue, either offering kind words or simply telling him to get his lazy ass out of bed.

Well, his lazy ass was out of bed. Now what?

What does the father of the bride do?

As he stepped into the cold shower, he pondered about what was expected of him that day. What the heck is the role of the father of the bride? In short, absolutely nothing. He comes forward with a check to pay for the wedding and takes a little stroll down the aisle. Since Victor was a multimillionaire, the stroll was all he had. Jeremy scoffed, accidentally getting a little bit of shampoo in his mouth, pairing with his bitter thoughts: a lifetime racking his brain on how to properly raise a girl and on the most important day of her life, all that was required from him was to be able to walk a straight line. Even a sobriety test could be more interesting.

Getting out of the shower, he noticed a new notification on his phone. A text from his wife.

Have you seen Andy?

To aggravate him even more, Mariana was at Andrea’s room, to help her put on the dress, dote on her, calm down any eventual wedding jitters, leaving him to his own devices. Him, he had no job. Not only was he losing his daughter that day, he had to feel like a useless bum too.

His stomach growled. Maybe it was just hunger putting him in a bad mood. Time to put on some clothes, look for Andrea, and get some grub.

He had just shut his bedroom door when he heard a loud thump at the end of the hall.

“Crap! Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!” Andrea fumbled to get herself off the ground, her cheeks red as tomatoes.

He watched her awkwardly walk down the hall, a knowing smirk on his face. The bride’s room wasn’t that way, the groom’s was.

“Woke up early to walk the dog?” He jested, knowing this would make her blush even more.

“Sorry, Dad, no time to talk!” She quickened her step, going for the stairs.

“I was going to say don’t keep him waiting, but it looks like you didn’t!” He joked again, only to be ignored. He didn’t care, though, laughing at his own joke.

Ok, that seemed to be taken care of. At least both bride and groom would be relaxed before the ceremony. Well, as much as they could be. It was time for breakfast.

It was clear to Jeremy that Terry and Mina loved Victor like he was their own child. He was aware that all the preparations depended on Victor’s money and the wedding planner’s taste, but there was an additional and special care in everything Mina and Terry did for him, one that wedding planners can’t replicate, one that is only given to a son. This would remain unnoticed by a lot of people, but to a parent, this special attention was plain to see.

“Good morning.” He announced himself, as he entered the dining room.

“Good morning, Mr. Jones.” Mina greeted him from the kitchen, as she dispatched two trays of food, probably for the happy couple. “I will be right there with you.”

Soon enough, she arrived with a plate filled with bacon, eggs and pancakes, placing it on the table, in front of him.

“Have all the others had breakfast yet?” He asked, seeing himself alone with Mina in the dining room.

“Yes, everybody is already busy with their tasks, they came to eat really early.” Mina was about to leave when Jeremy stopped her.

“Care to sit with me for a quick coffee? I don’t like eating alone.” He asked, feeling weird about having a meal on his own.

“Your granddaughter is so beautiful.” Mina commented, sitting next to him. “So playful and always smiling! Victor loves her, I have never seen him so fascinated with a  child before.”

“Yeah, that one has him wrapped around her little finger…” Jeremy chuckled. “All of us, really.”

“It’s just so sad that Andrea…” Mina trailed off, a concerned look on her face.

“It is.” Jeremy frowned, remembering her pain during that dreadful year. “A farewell gift from that abusive piece of shit.” He cleared his throat. “Pardon my English.”

“No, those words are appropriate.” Mina supported him, almost as enraged as he was, making it clear she cared deeply about his daughter. “It just infuriates me to see these two kids, with such big hearts, go through so much. My Victor acts tough, but in the end, he is still that small little boy that just wants a little affection. At least they found each other. Andrea seems to love him very much.”

“Oh yes, she does.” Jeremy nodded. “That one will love on him until she’s blue in the face.”

“My heart breaks for him today, to tell you the truth.” Mina was misty-eyed, her voice somewhat strained. “It’s the most important day of his life and his father can’t be supportive. And surely he must be hurting, thinking of how his mother didn’t live to witness his special day. It’s like he is being abandoned all over again.”

Jeremy’s thoughts drifted back to his own wedding, in Portugal, away from his friends and family. There was something that cheered him up on that day though: a postcard from his aunt, with some money and his mother’s ring and the words You got this, kiddo. Be happy .

Jeremy smiled confidently at Mina.

“He has someone. He has a mother right here. The one that loved him and nurtured him for years. And that’s the one he needs.”

Well fed and in a much better mood, Jeremy marched to his bedroom. He was wrong, he had a job after all: to be a comforting voice. That was usually Mariana’s job, but she was so busy tending to their daughter and the other bridesmaids that she wouldn’t have the time to work her magic. That day, such a daunting and important task seemed to fall on him. He hoped some of his wife’s wisdom had rubbed off on him.

He took out his wedding suit and put it on, checking himself in the mirror. He was a far cry from the boy he was thirty five years ago, although one thing remained: the look of happiness in his eyes. He was looking for his cuff links when his wife stormed into the room, already wearing her own formal dress, her hair and makeup perfectly done, yet a livid look on her face.

“Where were you? I have been calling you!” She reprimanded him.

“Oh shoot, the sound was very low, I didn’t hear it.” He grimaced, looking at his phone. “Why? What happened?”

“ Filho da puta, arrogante de merda! ” She swore in Portuguese, which was rare for her. Something very wrong was going on. “Gregory is not coming to the wedding. Apparently, his reputation is more important than his son. And your daughter is on the verge of a panic attack, because that producer had the fucking brilliant idea of telling her about the dozens of reporters writing articles about her wedding!” She held her husband’s face, looking him in the eyes with determination. “Our kids need us, Jer. Did you bring that special brandy?”

“To open with Victor after lunch, yes. Why?”

“Forget lunch. He needs it now.” She shook her head with sadness, probably name-calling Gregory in her mind. “Jer, he needs a father.”

Jeremy didn’t need to be told twice. Bottle of brandy in hand, he ran to Victor’s room. He suddenly felt as infuriated as his wife, picturing himself punching Greg square in the jaw for being such a prick, both for  Andy and Victor. Not even on his son’s most special day, he couldn’t avoid a scene? He had to let his son down once again?

He found Joshua pacing nervously outside.

“Oh, thank God!” His son sighed in relief. “I honestly don’t know what to do! His old man was here, they had a huge fight. I had to grab Victor, he was on the verge of punching his father. Fuck, the things he was saying about Andy, I felt like punching him too, but then I remembered what mom said.” Joshua took a deep breath to calm himself down. “After that, he wouldn’t touch his breakfast, Goldman had to threaten to call Andy if he didn’t eat. He’s completely shut down, Dad. He’s barely talking, just sits there, lost in thought.” He looked at his father with angry eyes. “I honestly don’t know if he’s well enough to get married right now. He looks… broken.”

“Don’t worry, son.” Jeremy patted his son in the back. “I got this.”

Jeremy knocked on the door, and as soon as Goldman opened it, he signaled for the assistant to wait outside. He found Victor already in his wedding suit, sitting on the sofa, staring at the floor.

“You look tired, son.” Jeremy started, pretending not to know what was going on. “That’s what you get for sleeping with the bride before the wedding.” He joked, not getting a response. “Or wedding jitters kept you up?”

Victor suddenly looked up, his face expressionless. Jeremy could see the pain in his eyes, though.

“I’m fine.” He answered with a flat voice.

“Well, I have something that will make you feel more than fine.” Jeremy placed the bottle on the coffee table with a loud clunk. That definitely caught Victor’s attention.

“A Rémi Martin XO?”

“A wedding gift to calm your nerves.” Jeremy went to the food table. “Let me get two glasses.”

“Feel free to help yourself.” Victor slid the bottle further from him. “It’s too early for me to drink.”

“Son, you need this more than I do.” Jeremy poured some brandy into a glass, handing it to his son in law. “You may fool your friends out there, but you can’t fool me. Drink. It’ll help.”

He watched as Victor took a sip, letting the brandy sit in his mouth, swallowing after with a satisfied exhale.

“Magnificent.” Victor observed the brandy in his glass. “Are you sure you want me to have it?”

“Of all the people I know, you are the most worthy of it.” Jeremy chuckled. “Andrea or Joshua wouldn’t appreciate it correctly. I would be casting pearls to swine.”

After a brief moment of silence, both swirling the brandy in their glasses, Jeremy decided to jump in and address the matter at hand.

“How are you feeling, son?” He carefully observed Victor.

“I’m fine.” Victor answered, his voice hinting his frustration. “Why does everybody keep asking me that?”

“It’s a big day, after all. We tend to look back, make a quick review of where we’ve been, how far we have come. The people we miss.”

With a sigh, Victor put his glass down on the coffee table. But didn’t utter a word.

“How most things won’t change, no matter how hard we try.” Jeremy offered again, hinting at Victor’s relationship with his father.

Victor smirked bitterly, looking at him. Still, not a word.

“Mari and I were much younger when we got married, I was 25, she was 22. Her family didn’t accept our relationship, so we eloped in a city nearby and got married without anyone’s consent. I could see she was upset not having her family there. I was actually relieved to not have mine.”

His son in law looked at him, surprised. With a weak smile, Jeremy continued.

“As you may have already noticed, Mari and I never talked much about my family to my kids. To be honest, I don’t even know if they are dead or alive. My father was an evil man that left us for another woman. My mother was a weak-minded woman who could never stand up for herself or her children. The moment he left, I had to start working to feed our family, in a winery in Napa Valley. That was how I became an oenologist, my boss helped me in every way he could to give me a steady path.”

Jeremy kept his eyes on the table, unwilling to let past emotions take hold of him.

“The day I got married was the happiest and the hardest in my life. As I looked at the woman by my side, there was a feeling of dread inside of me. I felt alone, unprepared, just a kid. I had no real experience of what a healthy marriage was. My father was an awful husband and a lousy father, how could I be any good at it? I was afraid to repeat his mistakes.”

“Yet, you didn’t.” Victor concluded by himself.

“No, I didn’t.” Jeremy shook his head, feeling proud of himself. “All it took was a look at the woman I loved, standing by my side, smiling at me, and I knew I wasn’t alone. When you stand at that aisle, and you see Andy walk towards you, mark my words, you’ll feel invincible. Nothing else will matter. You’ll know that you love her with all your heart, and even feeling unprepared, there is nothing you wouldn’t do for her.”

“There isn’t.” Victor looked Jeremy in the eyes, his expression assertive. Jeremy knew that look too, it was the one he had on his wedding day.

“I know.” He assured the young man. “That life you leave behind will seem like a mirage when you lead the one you chose for yourself. Don’t let it weigh on you now. You’re almost there.”

“Thank you.” Victor said in a low voice, seemingly touched by the story.

“And I need to see about a bride!” Jeremy downed the rest of his brandy, making a face. “On second thought, this brandy might not have been such a good idea. Maybe don’t drink it all.”

Not giving another word to the men waiting outside, he strode to his daughter’s room, feeling very good about himself. His job here was done. Time to see how beautiful Andrea looked.

She was breathtaking in that dress. Jeremy couldn’t care less about dresses, but even he had to notice the beautiful work in the halter neckline, lined with beautiful stones and covered with lace. It was like nothing he had seen before, a true work of art. Becoming a Lee sure had its advantages.

Not that Andrea cared though. She was still somewhat anxious with all the media outside, all the girls surrounding her, trying to reassure her.

“No way I’m going out there! We’ll have to get married inside.” Andrea concluded, panicked.

“It will be ok, you’ll do fine.” Mariana stroke her back, comforting her.

“No, it won’t! Everyone’s eyes will be on me, I’m going to embarrass Victor!”

“You are not, Andy. It’s just a short walk to the carriage, and then to the aisle. We’ll be with you every step of the way, you’ll do fine.” Diane chimed in.

“And I have instructed the photographers to be as discreet as possible, you won’t even notice them, I promise.” The short producer offered. But Andy wasn’t listening anymore, her mind reeling with fear.

“Oh my God, I can feel myself sweat, I’m going to have pit stains in my dress.” She fumbled with the skirt of her dress. “And it’s too long for me to walk anyway, so I’m surely going to trip on it. I’m going to faceplant on the floor, and every magazine will have a picture of it to remember it.”

“No, you won’t. I will be holding your arm the entire time, remember? Just like I held you when you were learning to walk.” Jeremy spoke up, stealing Andrea’s attention.

“Dad?” She looked up, seeking his support. The same look she had in her eyes like when she was just a child, and still needed him. Jeremy felt his heart swell with joy.

“Remember, Mari?” He spoke to his wife, as he took his daughter’s hand. “This one could talk even before she could walk. And she was so scared of falling.”

“You would only stand and walk if we held your hand.” Mariana continued to talk. “Your father would hold your hand, keeping you straight, while you took your first steps. It took a while to convince you that you were safe, but eventually you walked on your own.”

Andrea smiled, and Jeremy could almost see her, so little, blonde curls jumping up and down as she tried to steady herself.

“You know, as you and Josh grew up, I always thought you’d be the one that needed protection the most. Especially after a few years. Josh was a lively kid, full of spunk and surrounded by friends, while you spent your days pressing the keys of that piano, by yourself. You seemed so fragile and lonely to me, and oftentimes I wondered if you had a hard time making friends, since Josh was the only one you'd play with. But then you had your first recital.”

“I remember that day. I was so nervous.” Andrea recalled, seemingly more relaxed. Mariana left the room with the bridesmaids, probably wanting to give them a moment.

“I remember you walking to that stage, so small, and playing masterfully, getting a look of awe from everyone. That’s when it hit me. What I was seeing wasn’t a small girl isolating herself, but instead someone who, at a very tender age, was already working tirelessly to achieve a goal. You weren’t hiding from the world. You were preparing yourself to face it.”

“Dad…” His daughter was misty-eyed, smiling at him.

“For some years, my heart relaxed.” Jeremy continued. “I consistently saw you work towards your goals, and in the meantime you made friends, a tight circle. No one could ever make you give up what you wanted. Until that scumbag.” He paused, relaxing his fists, that he had unwillingly clenched while he spoke. “There is no greater pain than to helplessly watch your child fade away, lose her spark. But once again, you proved me wrong. You got to your feet, you overcame your trauma and healed from the abuse. You got your doctorate, an outstanding career, a good man to start a life with. You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever known, stronger than me. I have no words to describe how proud I am to be your father.”

“I’m not stronger than you.” Andrea blinked a few happy tears away. “I am strong because of you. Because you always saw worth in everything I did. Because you always believed in me.”

“Hurry up, guys.” Mariana peeked into the room from the door. “The groom is ready. It’s time.”

“Well, I believe some photographers won’t stop you now.” He stood up, taking Andrea’s hand. “Let’s go. There’s a nervous young man anxiously waiting for you.”

“Victor is nervous?” She smiled at him, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

“Oh yes. I had to get him slightly drunk.” Jeremy chuckled at the scolding look in his daughter’s expression. “Don’t worry, he’s sober enough.”

He left the mansion proudly, Andy by his side, holding his arm tight. There were sounds of flashes, of pictures being taken, but she kept her eyes on him, confidently, like she did so many years ago. They climbed into the carriage that would take them to the wedding venue, and she looked serene, sure of herself, happy. The same expression she had when facing so many trials in her life. She was ready.

As he walked down the aisle with his precious daughter, Jeremy’s chest felt warmer with a sudden realization: he wasn’t giving away his daughter, because she wasn’t his to give in the first place. She had always belonged to herself, following her own path, focusing on her own dreams, making her own choices. Jeremy was simply privileged to hold her hand as she bravely took her first steps towards a brilliant future.

#mister love queens choice #mister love dream date #love and producer #mlqc victor #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc fanfic #victor x oc

[truthbeetoldmedia]

Good Trouble 1x10 “Re-Birthday” Review

In Episode 10 of Good Trouble, it’s Davia’s birthday and she’ll cry if she wants to — and make some poor decisions. After all, that’s what your twenties are for, right?

In true Davia fashion, she plans a huge bash revolved around trivia questions about herself. Each answer is a location on a bar crawl, in which the Coterie squad and their mandatory plus ones are split into two teams competing for a mystery prize. Points can be won by getting to the location(s) first and by taking part in various mischievous activities.

Callie and Jamie are bummed to find that they’re not on the same team, and Bryan is equally upset to find that Gael is on Callie’s team. Though Gael has “chosen” him, he still seems threatened by his boyfriend’s past fling and present roommate.

Mariana’s plus one is Raj, who she now seems to have a friend in, despite their awkward encounter a few episodes back that inspired Mariana to create a female support group at work. Alice invites Sumi whom she also has an awkward past with, being that they’re exes, and Sumi still seems to be stringing her along.

Malika brings her boyfriend Isaac, while Davia forbids Dennis from bringing a plus one and also goes by herself, since her married fling Jeff seems to be ignoring her. Little does she know, Dennis told him off when he showed up at the loft looking for Davia.

With the announcing of the first trivia question, the gang is off ordering their cars from “Coche”, an Uber-eque service. When Mariana and Callie get into their team’s car, they find that their driver is none other than Brandon, their older brother. (Side note, shouldn’t your app tell you who your driver is?)

We later find out that Brandon is driving because his successful wife Eliza, Jamie’s sister, wants to support him while he writes music, but Brandon wants to make his own way. Additionally, Eliza is on the road a lot, leaving Brandon lonely and in need of some human interaction.

He confides in Dennis, who’s in the same boat with his own ex-wife. Their divorce has left him high and dry, and though she’s offered to help him out, he’d refused when his pride got in the way. Talking with Dennis seems to help Brandon realize that he has every right to want to make his own money, and he shouldn’t have to hide that from his wife.

Meanwhile, there’s palpable tension between the love square that is Callie, Jamie, Gael and Bryan. At a gay bar, Davia announces that the players can earn points by kissing someone they’ve never kissed before. When Bryan kisses Callie, it visibly upsets both Jamie and Gael. Jamie confronts Callie asking what they are, and Callie doesn’t really have an answer for him. He tells her that if she wants to be friends with occasional benefits on her terms, he doesn’t want to play that game.

Bryan is upset because although Gael has “chosen him”, he knows that Callie broke up with Gael and is nervous that if she hadn’t, Gael wouldn’t be with him. In a sweet moment back at the loft, Gael promises his boyfriend that he’s with him for a reason and that he doesn’t regret anything that’s happened. Gael and Callie have also agreed to get to know each other as friends. (Yeah, right.)

Alice and her plus one also run into some drama when Sumi leads her on all night. Malika notices and immediately confronts Alice, reminding her that Joey, her blind date a few episodes back, is totally into her. Though Alice is afraid she may not be interested when she finds out Alice still isn’t out to her parents, she takes Malika’s advice and calls her, leaving her various voicemails explaining her situation. Unfortunately, Sumi overhears and seems hurt when Alice mentions she’s completely over her ex. Looks like there’s more drama on the horizon for these two.

When she’s not giving out relationship advice, Malika is forced to confront her own issues with intimacy. Though she’s in a new and drama-free relationship with Isaac, he wants to get to know her better and she’s a closed book. They turn Davia’s trivia themed party into their own game, and when Isaac wins, Malika has to answer a few personal questions. Though she hates talking about her family, letting Isaac in couldn’t have worked out better. It’s clear that this new relationship is built to last.

Mariana and Raj have a relatively fun night, even managing to steal the disco ball hanging from the ceiling at one of the clubs. Though they clearly make a great team, Mariana is leading Raj on big time, and her countless flirtations seem to leave Raj a little disappointed. Regardless, the two decide to give their coworkers something to talk about and post a picture on Instagram, using the ship name they’ve been given in the caption. It’s unclear if their relationship will go anywhere, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t ship them a little bit. For now though, they make great friends.

Davia’s party ends on a bit of a sour note when she texts Jeff and he immediately calls her, debunking her theory that he’s ignoring her and her birthday. She finds out that Dennis told him off, and when he admits that he punched Jeff and told him Davia deserves better, Davia retaliates by telling Dennis he needs to respect himself too.

The episode ends with everyone sending important texts and making important posts, with Callie asking Jamie for a second chance on his terms, and Dennis telling his wife he does want some money out of their divorce settlement. Meanwhile, Davia is hooking up with Jeff, and just as it strikes midnight and her birthday comes to a close, she realizes she can’t keep pursuing a relationship that’s going nowhere year after year. But in  a turn of events, Jeff reveals that he’s leaving his wife. DUN-DUN-DUN.

This episode was like all the standout episodes of Good Trouble — packed full with drama. Even Brandon’s cameo was based on relationship troubles with his wife Eliza. It’s almost difficult to keep up with everyone and their plus ones and all the will they/won’t they relationships. Even those who aren’t dating their dates get into their own drama. And of course, alcohol doesn’t exactly help that situation.

So, we have a lot of relationships to dissect. Let’s start with the love square/rectangle/rhombus: Callie, Gael, Jamie and Bryan. For majority of the episode, it was difficult to tell if Gael and Bryan would be together by the end of the night. Going into their conversation back at the loft, I honestly assumed they’d break up and Gael would go straight to Callie and back to their old ways. But the writers know better than to give the audience what they expect. So even though Callie and Jamie hit a bump at the bar, it seems like they’re back on track.

Brandon was also thrown into the mix, and having had a relationship with Callie, I wasn’t sure what kind of role he’d play. But it seems like the Good Trouble creators aren’t ones for fan service, and Brandon and Callie might be a sunken ship at this point. Of course, there’s no telling what will happen in the future, and with his relationship with his wife seemingly on the rocks, anything could happen.

Now onto Mariana and Raj. I was so sure, probably along with every other viewer, that their possible relationship was over before it began when Raj got majorly rejected by her and understandably told off for attempting to kiss his coworker. But Mariana’s flirting is hard to ignore, and Raj’s pining is even harder. This could go one of two ways: either they’ll become an item and confirm their asshole coworkers’ speculations, or Raj will cross the line again and drama will ensue, especially given that he’s helping her out with an anonymous scheme at work. Let’s be real, it’ll probably be the latter. This is exactly why as much as I like Raj, I’m not committed to loving him yet. Like all the other men Mariana works with, he just can’t be trusted.

Meanwhile there’s Alice and Sumi, whose drama is getting old real quick. At this point, I get it. Alice is being strung along by her ex while helping to plan her wedding. It’s been 10 episodes of this though, and I’m ready to see Alice in  a relationship, hopefully with Joey. It felt like they’d get together after Alice was a guest on her show, so this step backwards has me a bit confused and frustrated. Sumi hasn’t developed as a character at all, sans her negative reaction to Alice’s declaration that she’s over her to Joey’s voicemail box, and even Alice seems to be stuck in place. I’d love to see an episode more focused on her getting her sh*t together, and that includes finding some real comedy work and dropping Sumi altogether.

Speaking of dropping people, I can’t be the only one who hopes Davia kicks Jeff to the curb and gets with Dennis. It’s clear that these two care about each other. Their chemistry has been visible since their duet on the roof. So though I won’t be surprised if Davia entertains Jeff for a little bit longer, I really hope she drops the zero and gets with the hero.

The relationship drama in this episode was so entertaining to watch, just like always. It’s nice that Good Trouble provides a balance between the work drama and the relationship drama, never focusing too heavily on one or the other. These characters are juggling their love lives with their professional lives, and proving that both are equally as difficult and equally as important to maintain. I’m hoping that in the near future, we get back to Mariana’s anonymous list and its repercussions, and back to Callie’s trial troubles.

Although they are the true stars of the show, it’s refreshing to get to know the other Coterie members and their diverse stories. In the end, this is what keeps me coming back for more. Minor character development issues aside, everyone in the Coterie has something about them that has me wanting to see what good trouble they get into.

Good Trouble airs Tuesdays on Freeform at 8/7c.

Jessica’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝.5

#Good Trouble #Re-Birthday

[gregoftom]

okay… all uneven numbers for the ask game 🙃

OOF sjdskjd ok

1. 3 Fears

death, people leaving me and my loved ones being in danger/unsafe/hurt

3. 2 turns on

like… bitchiness and sassiness hhhhh, and dirty talk

5. My best friend 

i have a few and i don’t wanna list them in case i miss someone! but one of them is @billythemuppet​

7. How tall am I 

6′4″-5″, i’m not 100%, i need to be measured again

9. Favourite color

brown and green

11. Favourite place

my bedroom i guess? i don’t go out much dhfdjhfd

13. Shoe size

answered already!

15. Hair color

naturally, brown. it’s kind of ginger-y brown rn?? like the gingers washed out quite a bit but there’s some bits still in there

17. Favourite song

i have so manyyyy but one is rhythm of your heart by marianas trench

19. How I feel right now

answered!

21. My current relationship status

single

23. Favourite season

winter!

25. Tattoos and piercing I want

answered!

27. Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

every so often, but it’s quite rare

29. How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

like 10 mins??

31. Where am I right now?

home in my bedroom

33. Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

yep. you think i can afford living somewhere on my own? lol. in this economy?

35. Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

nope! i have like… a few guy friends but they’re more like colleagues

37. If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

my ozzie!!! i wanna see her so bad ughhfsndg

39. Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

answered!

41. Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

neither lmao i hate both

43. Do I believe in magic?

i think so! some things just can’t be explained by science! 

45. What’s the weather like right now?

cloudy and cool, lil bit rainy (not enough rain imo)

47. Do I have any nicknames?

jae and eddie

49. Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

yep!

51. What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

uhhhh watching got i think

53. What is my favorite word?

i have a few! tourniquet, spelunking, fuck

55. If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

be good to people in retail and customer service fuckers

57. What is my current desktop picture?

it’s standard windows 10 rn i need to change it!

59. Bought condoms?

nope

61. Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

answered!

63. Smoked weed?

yep

65. Drank alcohol?

yep

67. Been overweight?

i am rn

69. Gotten my heart broken?

oh yes. it’s the literal worst lmao

71. Been in airplane?

yep

73. Wore make up?

like… twice in  my life. it just Does Not look good on me lol

75. Had a surgery?

nope

77. Stalked someone on a social network?

nah

79. Been rejected by a crush?

many times

81. Do I like my handwriting?

it’s okay i guess

83. Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

uhhhhHHH… i’ve definitely been caught doing something bad but i can’t remember what exactly lol

85. What my greatest achievments are

uhhhhhh… getting a job i guess?? that’s like It i have 0 ability

87. What I’d do if I won in a lottery

definitely visit my oz

89. My closest Tumblr friend

@billythemuppet

91. Are you outgoing or shy?

pretty outgoing! i love social interaction

93. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

doubtful lmao

95. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

@billythemuppet again probably lol

97. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

hmmm

recipe - wild partymonster - the mowglisgood boys - josie dunnebad love - sleeping wolfcabin fever - luna blake

99. Do you think there is life on other planets?

probably…

101. Do you like your neighbors? 

they’re okay i guess. we don’t talk much

103. Favorite part of your daily routine? 

getting home after work lol

105. What do you do when you wake up?

go on my phone for 15 min so i wake up properly

107. Do you ever want to get married?

ew no

109. Would you rather live without TV or music?

ughhh i hate this!! music i guess. bc tv doesn’t include movies does it..?

111. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

i do most of my shopping online LOL but i guess various charity shops

113. Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes, depends on my mood

115. Ever wished you were someone else?

i used to a lot but not rn

117. Last thing you ate?

mcdonalds

119. Ever been in love? 

yep

121. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

123. What colour are your towels?

various, there’s like blue and pink and white

125. First person you talked to today?

@billythemuppet lol she’s a lot of the answers :P

127. Name a person you hate?

this fucking customer at my work who’s been banned 3 times, is racist, harasses staff, hits other customers with things and grabs you and presses herself to you. it’s so gross ughdsfsg. she comes in eeevery fucking day too

129. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

aforementioned woman lol

131. Have any pets?

2 cats :)

133. Do you regret anything from your past? 

buncha things, but mostly dropping out of school

135. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yep

137. Do you believe in true love?

i think so? 

139. Do you believe in ghosts?

yeah definitely!

#riddle box #long post #thanks! THIS TOOK FOREVER LOL #about me #sassy-molassy

[ficdirectory]

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 9

(To listen, click here) - 12:31

Francesca can’t explain it really.  She just feels bigger.  Like she can do stuff.  That she said stuff, and Pearl even listened?  Pearl is a grown up.  Even more grown up than Jesus or Mariana or Dominique.  And she listened.  She didn’t just say Francesca shouldn’t tell adults what to do.  Pearl knew Francesca wasn’t trying to do that anyway because of consent.  Because they don’t ever force each other to do anything.  Because that’s not right.

“What about you, babe?” Dominique asks.  (Dominique is the only one who ever calls Francesca “babe.”  It’s short for “baby” but Dominique doesn’t mean it that way.  She means it like she cares.  Like Francesca matters to her.)

“Um...I never did any Feelings Laundry either…” she admits, only a little embarrassed, since Pearl already said she didn’t do it before either.

“What are you feeling the most right now?” Dominique tries.

“...Like I did a good job?” Francesca asks, like it’s a test and she might get the wrong answer.

“So, proud?” Dominique smiles.  “We’re proud of you, too.  You have really good suggestions and ideas.  I like seeing that you wanna help others.”

“Yeah, that’s a big deal, buddy.  I’m glad you’re proud.  You should be,” Jesus nods and puts his arm around her.  Francesca leans into him.  He smells like man deodorant and outside and spearmint like gum.

“I used to feel...like...kinda surprised?” she admits.  “Because I didn’t know Levi was gonna be here.  But now we’re friends.”  She smiles at him, and he peeks at her a little and smiles tiny.

“That makes sense,” Pearl offers.  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys sooner.  I was afraid you might not wanna come.”

“Why?  Levi’s nice,” Francesca maintains.

“He is, yes.  But change is hard for people,” Pearl allows.  “Like, plans changing last minute.”

“I have a question,” Francesca says, not looking at anybody.

“Sure,” Pearl nods.

“It’s just...I think part of why I was surprised was like...I thought that friendships shrink?”

“I’m not sure I understand,” Pearl says.

Francesca looks at Dominique.  Can tell just by looking at her face that she’s listening.

“Like, one time, kids at my school were making a club with all the girls in my class.  And I came over, and one girl asked me to join in, but then another one said they already have enough people.  I thought if Levi came, one of us had to be left out.  I thought that one of us was me, probably, ‘cause I’m the youngest.” Francesca admits.

“Ah,” Pearl says, like she gets it now.  “Well, it sounds like you’re describing friendship like it has a rubberband around it.  What happens when you put a rubberband around a lot of things?”

“It squeezes them together?”

“Right.  And if one extra thing stretches it too far, what happens?” Pearl asks.

“It breaks.”

“Yeah, but friendships aren’t like that.  We don’t have an invisible rubberband around us forcing us together.  We’re together because we wanna be, right?”

“So, it won’t break if I join?” Francesca asks, shy.

“Nope, there’s always room in friendship.”

“For people, not things,” Francesca remembers.

“You got it,” Jesus nods, like he’s proud of her again.

--

“Mari, do you have some feelings laundry?” Francesca asks, surprising Mariana, who has been quietly listening.

“What?” she asks.  It’s filler.  She heard the question, gets it, but the words to answer are nowhere around.

“You wanna share a feeling?” Dominique asks, quietly.

“Tired.  And sad…” Mariana sighs.  She hates to be a downer, but it’s the truth, and the name of the game right now seems like Truth Time.

“You can keep resting as long as you need,” Jesus encourages.

“Why are you sad?” Dominique asks, giving Mariana a few seconds after Jesus’s comment.

“It’s so different now.  Like...I’m different…  Before when I came, I had...energy.  I could have fun.  Now I’m just exhausted all the time.”  Mariana can feel Levi’s curiosity, and she’s thinking about what to say.  How much to share.  In the end, she doesn’t, because it’s so hard to even hope all the words will be there, and he’ll get it, and not just feel a bunch of pity for her.

But it’s Levi who speaks next, surprising her.  “Yeah.  It’s hard to feel different...in a place that feels so unchanged.  It’s like...jarring.”

“Yeah.”

His eyes are so sympathetic, locked on hers.  Mariana has no idea what he’s talking about personally for him, but she feels understood.   “And then if nobody knows...or realizes...it’s worse.”

“Exactly,” Mari nods.

“That’s a pretty major reason to be sad,” Levi nods.

“But I think maybe you overlooked that your roomie,” Dominique gestures to herself “considers napping one of her greatest skills.  You don’t have to nap and be exhausted alone.”

“Thank you,” Mariana nods.  “Now you,” she nods at Dominique.  

--

“Oh…  I guess...okay.  I feel…”  Dominique hedges.

The truth is, she feels put on the spot.  And is there a word for that?  Like, all eyes are on her.  Like she’s got to perform. It’s a gross feeling.  And she doesn’t know how to navigate this expectation of vulnerability when she just doesn’t know Pearl at all.  She feels like Levi would get her dilemma.  But not being able to fully trust all of the people in a space at once, makes being completely open and honest feel like being shoved off a cliff into an ocean full of sharks.

She’s relished being the foreperson here.  Calling on people to share.  Explaining things.  Kinda running them.  But to share herself?  Well, that feels...whatever the hell this feeling is.

“What’s your biggest feeling right now?” Francesca asks, and Dominique’s touched.  Francesca’s great about reciprocating the help she’s been given.

“It’s not a feeling…” Dominique hedges.

“Neither is sock feeling,” Levi offers, “But you all accepted that.”

“Nobody’s gonna get mad...or leave…” Mariana encourages quietly.

“...Like it’s inevitable that I’m about to be eaten by sharks…” Dominique admits, head down.

“You’re feeling in danger?” Jesus asks, sounding surprised and concerned.

“I guess?” Dominique says.  She glances up at them.  Smiles reflexively.  “I mean, it’s okay, though.  I feel fine.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Pearl insists, which only makes Dominique wanna lean into fineness that much harder.

“Maybe it feels safer to be fine,” Levi challenges quietly.  “I get that.”

“But we’re all safe with each other here,” Pearl insists.

“But we don’t know that!”  Dominique insists, her voice suddenly so intense it makes Francesca jump.  “You haven’t demonstrated that.  You haven’t proven it.”

“Well, neither have you, but we all still shared with you,” Pearl insists.

Francesca makes an obnoxious noise like a buzzer on a TV game show.  She’s got Hermione’s wand and points it at Pearl.  “Saying somebody’s feeling doesn’t matter is disrespect.”

Pearl’s mouth drops open and she looks at Jesus and Mariana to back her up, but both of them look like she crossed a line.  It makes Dominique a little glad.  

“Well, so what?  What does that mean?  I’m just the bad guy now?” Pearl asks, arms crossed.

“Questions are cool.  Dismissing people isn’t,” Jesus maintains.  

“I didn’t know it was called that…” Levi breathes.  “That there was a name for it.  That it counts as disrespect…”

Dominique might be the only one who hears his comments because Pearl’s talking again, and she has a big presence.

“I used to make mistakes a lot,” Francesca offers.  “It hurt my feelings and made me feel like you guys didn’t wanna be my friend anymore.  But that wasn’t really true, right?”

“No,” Jesus agrees.  “We’re not rejecting you, Pearl.  But we are calling you out.  We don’t tolerate disrespect here.”

Dominique bites her lip and watches.  Can’t quite believe Jesus is so calm.  Levi, too, though he’s scooted his chair away from Pearl slightly.

“But I was just saying that we’re all trying.” Pearl exclaims.

“Maybe Dominique’s trying, too.  You don’t know.  You don’t know her.  You didn’t ask one question,” Levi comments quietly.

Pearl shuts her eyes.  Dominique doesn’t.  She watches everything.  If this falls apart?  It’s on her.  She has to know what’s coming.

“Oh, and you know her,” Pearl insists like she doesn’t believe Levi at all.

“I’ve talked to her.  I’ve listened.  Yeah.” Levi counters.

“Like you listen to me?” Pearl counters.

“Okay, Time.  Seriously.  We gotta stop this.  And breathe,” Jesus decides.

It takes all of Dominique’s focus to be able to drag in a single breath and then let it out.  She looks around at everybody doing the same - at Levi - watching everyone else breathe, curiously.  Eventually, she can do it again.  And again.

When they’ve done that for a while, Jesus nods.  “Okay.  Listen.  Dominique, do you know what you were feeling that made the shark feeling so strong?” Jesus asks.

Just like that, the words are there:

“Fear.  Judgement.”

“Okay.  Pearl, can you hear that Dominique’s afraid right now.  Is feeling judged?” Jesus wonders.

“I am, too!”

“Hold on, though.” Jesus keeps trying.

Dominique wants to give up.  To walk away.  To go shut the door of the bedroom and not come out, but if she does, she knows she likely won’t come out for days.

Mariana slides her hand into Dominique’s.  Francesca walks over and hands Hermione her wand back.  It helps some.

“We’re saying…” Mariana starts out slowly, looking at Pearl.  “That Dominique’s not trying to hurt you.  She’s afraid.  Can you hear that?”

“Yes, because I’m awful.  Clearly.  Everybody’s having a terrible time because I wasn’t honest.”  Pearl wipes her eyes.

“You feel blamed,” Levi realizes.

“Well, yeah,” Pearl laughs mirthlessly as more tears escape.

“You could’ve just told me,” Dominique says quietly. “Instead of pushing me.”

“I’m sorry.  I was trying to be reassuring...by telling you it was safe to talk to us? But it seems like my default is severely irritable these days.”

“Sounds like trauma,” Dominique comments lightly.  “Which is something I know I would never judge.  I got plenty of my own.  I’m just asking...please don��t judge me for my hesitance...which is trauma also…”

“Fair,” Pearl breathes.

“I think we need to do our Feelings Laundry every day practically,” Francesca announces.  “Because there’s a lot of it right now.  So we maybe need to make sure we do it more than just one time ever.”

“That sounds like a great plan,” Jesus nods.

Dominique excuses herself to go to the restroom and try to get a hold on herself.  It’s not easy.  She needs Mom right now like she needs air, but they don’t have cell service.  So, instead, she clutches her wand (which Mom made for her) and closes her eyes, willing her Mom to think of her too.

She breathes and tries to calm down.  But instead, there are tears.  And as healthy as Dominique has been told tears are, they always make her feel weak and stupid.  

She needs her Sadness costume but it’s not here.  So she stays locked in the bathroom thinking about money changing hands.  About being forced into situations she was in no way ready for.  About losing control.

But, just like that, Dominique swallows.  The mask is back in place.  Because with Pearl around?  She still doesn’t feel safe without it.

One more deep breath, and then Dominique opens the door.

Levi’s there, waiting by one of the couches.  “You okay?”

“Yeah.  I’m fine,” she nods.

“Cool.  I’m fine, too,” he tells her.

“Cool.”

Seems like Pearl has headed out already, thankfully.  Dominique hopes Levi doesn’t start to hate her because she doesn’t get along with his sister.  But he seems to have his own issues with Pearl.  

He sticks around a little longer, helping Jesus and Francesca build their fort, and then he walks home.

Dominique goes to bed that night in full costume, clutching her wand.  

She dreams of money.  The smell.  The sound.  The glint in the men’s eyes.  

Wakes up.  Gasping.  Wishing Jesus knew to give her a heads up about that.  But in all the things they’d discussed.  Her trigger around being either asked for cash by a man or unexpectedly bearing witness to cash changing hands had never come up.

And now it feels like all the words are trapped inside.  With her actual feelings.

Maybe things will look better in the morning...but somehow...Dominique doubts it.

#fic: somewhere inside

[ficdirectory]

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 7

(To listen, click here) - 12:02

For a while, Levi thinks about going back next door and talking to Pearl.  But he can’t quite make himself go there.  She sent him over here for a reason.  Might be because she’s tired of him.  Might be a lot of reasons, but the reality is he just can’t make himself face her yet.

He’s scared.

Better to hang out next door or outside maybe if he has to.  Francesca has warmed up to him and is all about playing endless games of Uno with funny rules.  Levi’s a fan.  It doesn’t bug him too much that Jesus and the others keep a low profile.  (He’s actually super jealous of Mariana, who feels so at home here that she woke up, ate oatmeal and then went back to bed to recover all the way from her jet lag.  Levi wishes he could go back to bed.)  He wishes he could stop obsessing about these people and what all they think of him.

To be honest, Levi would just rather not know what they think of him at all.  (Sometimes it’s safer that way.)

“I’m gonna go hang out outside, anybody wanna come?” Dominique asks.

“Sure,” Levi agrees.

“Can I?” Francesca asks.  “You guys aren’t going on the dock again, are you?  ‘Cause I wanna come.”

“Actually, I was gonna stop over with Dudley and check on Pearl.  Wanna come?  Say hi to Cleo?” Jesus asks.

Francesca looks torn.  It’s pretty cute. (If Levi doesn’t focus too much on the fact that he’s pretty sure Pearl will be happier to see Jesus and even Francesca, than she’d be to see him.)  

“Oh gosh.  What do I do?  What do I do?” Francesca wonders, glancing back and forth between Levi and Dominique and Jesus and Dudley.

“You can always join us later, babe.  No pressure,” Dominique reassures.

“Serious?  It’s not gonna be like, Dominique and Levi sitting in a tree, is it?” Francesca sings.

Levi doesn’t miss the slight shake of the head that Jesus gives or the way embarrassment makes Francesca blush.

“Fine, I’ll say hi to Cleo and then meet you at that picnic table that’s kinda like Avoidance, okay?” she decides, eventually walking over to Pearl’s with Jesus and Dudley.

Dominique laughs a little as she and Levi walk side by side.

“What’s she avoiding?” Levi asks, bemused.

“It’s kinda a long story, but basically, back home?  We all get together at this one spot at a picnic table to avoid ignorant assholes.”

Levi raises his eyebrows.  “Really?  You see a lot of those in California?” he presses.

“I see a lot of those everywhere,” Dominique allows.

They get to the picnic table.  It’s chilly.  Levi wishes he’d brought a jacket.  From the look of Dominique, she’s wishing the same.  Still, they sit.

It’s nice in the quiet.  It’s nice not having to fill the silence, but knowing, too, that he is not being actively ignored or pushed aside.

Dominique takes out her phone.  Snaps a shot of the lake.  A strange angle of her eyes, her hair and the picnic table, from above.  Then:

“Can I?” she asks, raising her eyebrows and shaking the phone a little.

“Depends,” he allows.  “Do I have to smile?”

Her eyebrows raise.  “No.”  She takes his picture as he stares into the lens, face serious.  “I’ve found,” she says after a second.  “That faking it?  Works.  Until it doesn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you just asked me if you had to smile for that picture I took.  People don’t ask about performative emotions, in my experience, unless they’ve had to employ them.  And, I’m just saying, if you’ve had to?  It probably served a purpose the first time you did it.  But you don’t have to do it now.”

Levi blinks.  “That’s deep.”

“Yeah, well, that’s me,” she shrugs.  “What about you?”

“What about me?” Levi asks back.

“What’s on your mind?” she asks, tone open, curious, and also so genuine.

“Unwanted.”  The word’s out of his mouth before Levi even realizes.  It doesn’t even make sense.  It’s not an answer to anything Dominique asked him.  It’s not a feeling.  It’s a state of being.  A state of being Levi wishes he could stop.

“How so?” Dominique asks, undeterred.  Gentle.

Levi shrugs.  “Just, whatever.  Pearl got the phone, asked me if I wanted to go to breakfast here, she left the cabin with me, and when I turned around, she’d doubled back...went back inside.”

“Ouch,” Dominique winces, sympathetic.

“Yeah.  And, like, I know your friends would probably give her the benefit of the doubt - that I probably should, too - but...I can’t help how it feels, you know?”

“Like she’s rejecting you,” Dominique nods.

“Exactly.  And I’m supposed to be social.  I’m supposed to help out.  I’m supposed to give the benefit of the doubt...but do I get it?”

“Doesn’t sound like it,” Dominique shakes her head.

“Right, so it’s like, ‘What am I even doing here?  Why try?’ you know?”

“I do.  It’s hard when people don’t see you.  Don’t get you, especially if it’s somebody who’s supposed to give a shit.  Like family.”

“Yeah, well, she’d rather not be that…” Levi sighs.  “Sorry, I’m rambling and I probably sound super ungrateful given that she’s letting me stay with her rent-free as long as I do the grocery shopping…”

“But people don’t just need shelter, Levi.  They need emotional support.”

“I know.  She does.”

“You, too.” Dominique maintains.  

“I’m okay…” he insists.

“Every human being?  Needs emotional support,” Dominique says certainly.  “So, are you a human?”

Levi blinks.

“Yes…” he answers slowly.

“Then you qualify.  And there’s a thing about the world that kinda sucks?  People can’t always be there for other people in the way they need.  It’s impossible to be everything for everybody.”

Levi sighs. And there it is.  The indication, however subtle, that Pearl’s stuff is more support-worthy than his.  Nobody knows his.  They don’t even try to know it.  He’s used to his mom, knowing something’s up.  To his dad, checking in with him at night before bed, asking if he’s got anything on his mind.  And for years, he’d almost told.

Until time ran out.

“I know,” he says, retreating into the mask Dominique just said he didn’t have to wear.  He smiles.  It’s believable, but for the shadow in his eyes.  The hurt.  The suspicion.  The soul of him that’s been snatched out ever since that day near ten years ago.  With the mud.  And her.

“Levi?” Dominique asks.

“What?”

“Did you wanna hear the rest of what I was gonna say, or no?”

“Oh, I thought that was it, I’m sorry.” Now, it’s Levi’s turn to blush.

But Dominique is actually waiting until he nods.

“I’m saying, people are gonna let you down.  But that’s why there’s other people.  People you can trust, if you want to.”

“Like Pearl?” he asks, skeptically.

“No.  Like me.” Dominique finishes.  “Think you might wanna do that?”

Levi bites the inside of his lip.  What choice does he really have right now?  It’s Dominique or keep going it alone.  

“Yeah,” he admits finally.  “Maybe.”

--

Francesca is in the coolest swing ever looking at the best purple lights.  Jesus and Pearl promised that Francesca could help make special hot chocolate on the stove if she let Jesus and Pearl talk in private first.  

They give her headphones that cancel the noise.  She thinks she’s gonna want to read Harry Potter, but she doesn’t.  She just stares at the lights and feels really good.  Usually staring off means bad stuff for Francesca, but not this time.  She wishes Moms knew about swings like this.

Francesca imagines being in a purple land where everything is electric and shiny.

--

To say Pearl was shocked to find Jesus and Francesca on the other side of the door this morning would be an understatement.  Pearl had been sure if she’d see anyone at all, it’d be Levi first, but so far?  No sign of him.

It’s unkind, but Pearl is relieved.

Usually?  She might mind that a friend and his little sister are stopping by when Pearl hasn’t made a move toward getting ready for the day at all.  She’s still in PJ’s.  Hair’s still wrapped.  The only thing of consequence she’s done today is take Cleo outside and eat breakfast.  Otherwise, she hasn’t moved.

But Jesus and Francesca don’t judge.  Francesca even informed Pearl that her favorite thing was having pajama days.

Honestly, Pearl has never let herself entertain the possibility that Jesus might someday come back to a place that caused him so much pain and stress.  Pearl remembers his first trip up here six years ago vividly, because he’d spent the majority of it here, in this cabin, to get a break from all the intensity of his family next door.

That trip pretty much put an end to any desire at all that Pearl used to have to be in any way like his mom.  Stef used to be her role model.  But after Pearl saw firsthand just how she and Lena treated Jesus?  Well, Pearl was reminded a bit too much of her own mother.  And God knew, Pearl didn’t want to be anything like her.

“So...what’s up?” Jesus asks after the longest wait ever.

“Oh nothing.  Just catching up on sleep, Levi’s my brother and my mom’s a liar…” she rattles off.  Most people would recite such lists in their heads, but Pearl and Jesus are way past that.

Jesus blinks.  “And?”

“And what?” Pearl challenges, miffed at his lack of a reaction.

“And I saw the resemblance, Pearl.  Mariana saw it.  We all saw it,” Jesus says matter of factly.  “I figured you’d tell me when you were ready to tell me.”

“You let Francesca say he was my boyfriend.” Pearl points out.

“Well, it’s not exactly my place to out my hunches about who might be related to you.”

“Hmm.  Good point.” Pearl allows.

“So how’s that been?” Jesus wonders, intrigued.

“Annoying.  I mean, okay, Levi’s pretty much the best possible surprise-brother anybody could get, but I’m not used to this.  And everytime I see him...it’s like...I don’t know...this giant reminder that my mom lied to me about my dad being dead for like years.  How do you lie to your daughter for more than 30 years about something that important?  And she never even mentioned Levi to me…  Or that Dad spent all those years wanting a relationship with me...and now I don’t get to have it.”  She sniffs and grabs a Kleenex.

Jesus drops his voice, casting a glance at the corner where Francesca’s still swinging behind the curtain.  “I kinda get it though.  I got those kinds of feelings all the time when I got back and saw Moms adopted Callie and Jude.  Never really had the betrayed feeling with Francesca, but with Callie and Jude?  They came into our family because I wasn’t there.  Moms took them in because of taking me and Mariana in.  I don’t know.  I always...felt...kinda...replaced?  Like...they moved on and got these other kids.  I don’t know.  I know it’s not exactly the same thing, but…”

“But it’s complex, and it’s family and you’d think they’d love you enough to not try and replace you, even if they really believed you were gone…” Pearl offers.

“Just like you’d hope that whatever went down between your mom and dad, that your mom would realize that barring your dad being some abusive asshole?  You deserved to know he was alive and wanted a relationship with you.  Not lie to you about him being dead, even if it was easier for her,” Jesus responds, sure.

“You know, I wanna say you’ve gotten really wise in the last several years...but who am I kidding?  You’ve always been wise.” Pearl admits, wiping her eyes.  “Thank you.  I’ve really needed to talk to a friend about all of this.  To talk to you.”

“Anytime,” Jesus says, like it’s no big deal, but Pearl knows just how big a deal it is.

#fic: somewhere inside