#then he uses that power to drain And Kill lucifer completely and call Jack and Mary to the gate and then everything is nice <3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

amwritingmeta · 3 years

Text

15x19: A First Ending

This was a good episode! Oh, I know, I know - we didn’t get Cas back. But oh, boy, that should mean that Misha shot for five of eight days for 15x20 and that makes me want to rub my hands together with the hope of what that might mean. All the good things!

Oh, don’t hang your hopes on mine btw. I had very high hopes that we’d get Cas back, or very strongly established as coming back (as per 13x04) with a final scene of him waking up in the Empty or something like it, and that didn’t happen, but omg I’m so glad they didn’t.

When Jack started praying and reaching out to Cas my heart almost stopped.

If Dean doesn’t instigate Cas’ return, then oh it would take away too much!

But then Jack’s moment didn’t lead to anything, and now, the more I think about it, there more it feels like a plant. A reminder of how he prayed to Cas the last time, and woke him. We shall see, eh?

And then we got Dean telling Chuck to bring Cas back, which was a pivotal plant as well. I’d been worried if they hadn’t mentioned Cas more than once, with Dean telling Jack and Sam that Cas sacrificed himself to save him, yeah?

If there had been no more Cas for the entire episode then, narratively speaking, I would have started wondering what role Cas might actually play in 15x20.

But Cas was mentioned more than once. We even got to hear his voice and have that fake return to stir our... I almost wrote loins, but that’s not appropriate so let’s change it to stir our... martinis.

Ah yes. We could all use a drink, I’m sure.

The dog as well! Dean was so happy and he carried the dog and petted the dog and put it in Cas’ spot in the backseat and was all, yes, emotional substitute! And then... poof. Because it’s not going to be that easy to replace Cas. *fingers crossed*

Here’s mostly why I’m hopeful for something quite different as the actual finale of the show, the proper wrapping up of these character journeys:

This first ending is for those who have followed the show explicitly to watch these two brothers. (yes there’s a word for them but let’s not)

It ends exactly how these viewers -- and quite possibly the writers who wrote it -- always saw the show ending. It gives an emotionally satisfying wrapping up of all the thematic threads of the show and gives the brothers their hard-won freedom, and keeps the brothers riding in Baby, together, indefinitely.

And these viewers and fans will always be able to stop watching the show there and keep that as their perfect ending.

Except it’s not the ending-ending. Is it?

This episode neatly and gorgeously wrapped up the Michael/Lucifer/Chuck storyline. It wiped the slate completely clean. Especially with Michael killing Lucifer and Chuck killing Michael. These characters just completely annihilating each other because they’ve all served their purpose.

And Chuck being drained of his powers and ending up ignored, never to be worshipped again, or even remembered, is such a fitting ending for him! And with Dean refusing to kill him, leaving him to his fate, I’d call that Dean integrating his Shadow.

No more fearing it. It’s powerless. Thanks to Jack (Dean’s inner child) who now holds all the power in the universe.

I’d say Dean Winchester has reached a point of internal balance.

And for all of these good things: Chuck powerless, Jack the New God, surely helping to fix what Cas broke by restoring Heaven (I’m assuming Heaven will be repopulated or that God’s grace will level it out) and Jack stepping into shoes that Cas once tried to fill and failed to, to the detriment to so many of his kin, is simply stunning.

I cried, properly, at Jack’s speech. It was beautiful.

But for all these good things and wrappings up of stuff, didn’t the ending feel kind of superficial? Like stuff was missing in those final five minutes or so? Like... I don’t know... Sam mentioning Eileen maybe? Because surely she was brought back along with everyone else, and one episode ago he was losing his mind over the loss of her.

And they didn’t even mention Cas. Jack mentioned Castiel as a good influence, but Cas was just bunched in with “everyone we’ve lost along the way”.

Meh.

Hey, it’s fine if all you care about is Dean and Sam and you think that they’re at their happiest when they get to drive along a road in Baby, listening to tunes and play-fighting and reminiscing about all those people that have come and gone, while they know they’ll always remain the same.

I mean, if we hadn’t gotten that montage at the end of this episode (a fucking MONTAGE ppl) I would’ve started thinking that maybe Misha was coming back to shoot flashbacks for 15x20, as we got to see the brothers remembering Cas (like with Mary), taking a walk down memory lane and driving around to well-known locales for a final hurrah.

But we got that fucking montage, ppl.

Leaving me to feel that they probably won’t also spend forty minutes rememberembering those same people. You know?

Also, dull. And Dabb is anything but dull. And Dabb loves pulling on stuff he’s hinted at in the first ep of the season.

And I remember reacting to Sam being the one to escort the kid and her mother into the, what was it? The high school, right? For safety.

While Dean and Cas had that tense exchange by Baby, where Dean couldn’t not ask if Cas was okay and Cas saying, hopefully, that he was, but Dean remaining stone faced and distant. “Awkward” is what Belphegor called it.

Oh. Please let there be awkwardness in 15x20. I beg on bent knees. Beg, I say!

Anyway.

What is 15x20 going to be about if it isn’t about finally answering the question of what will make the brothers happy?

A balanced universe, of course! But freedom without love... sounds kind of lonely to me.

So, have they answered the question of What do I want? yet? Is this what they want for themselves? More of the same? This season has hinted that it isn’t. It’s hinted very strongly that it isn’t.

So, I’m holding my breath that Dean’s final confrontation is to do with happiness and daring to want it for himself. Daring to admit to wanting it for himself. Daring to go after it...

Cas does not belong in the Empty.

And hope that it’s telling how Jack didn’t even think to get Cas out of there and bring him home. God got Lucifer out of the Empty so Jack definitely has the power.

And Dean didn’t ask him to get Cas out of there, not because he doesn’t still want Cas out, but because it would ruin the first ending for the people who want Cas to stay dead. Yeah?

It’s kind of beautifully done, to my mind, as a nod and a thank you to the people who have supported one reading of the show. It’ll be difficult for them to go apeshit when Dabb and the writers can simply tell them they don’t have to watch further than 15x19 and be content that they’ve got an ending that lets them cling to the brothers as the begin all, end all.

And yes, I remain believing we will get Dean and Cas together-together before the end of the show. I have no clue how much of a together-together we’ll get, but for the show not to give us a clear understanding of how Dean loves Cas back is unthinkable at this point, and will stay unthinkable until the show tells me otherwise, because nothing but those two together makes even a lick of sense to me.

Dean’s feelings were in the subtext this episode because that’s where they always have been and hopefully fingers crossed because this ending wasn’t for us, it was for other sides of fandom, giving them room for denial, if they simply don’t want to see that what Dean wants is Cas back.

Our ending isn’t happening until next week.

Dean: It’s a helluva time to bail. There’s a lot of people counting on you. People with questions—they’re gonna need answers. Jack: The answers will be in each of them. Maybe not today, but someday.

For me this may be setting up for 15x20.

Dean could be said to be accepting the reality of Cas being gone this episode. He starts off not telling the whole truth about what happened with Cas (of course), he’s drinking himself stupid, he tries to demand of Chuck to bring Cas back, he finds that emotional crutch in the doggo and he moves into acceptance because what else can he do?

Especially if he’s still reeling and is struggling with his fear of happiness, with not feeling deserving, with it being easier to simply let it all go.

But.

Letting go of the need is healthy, allowing it to make way for the real want that is about choosing Cas, not because he feels lost without him, but because Cas completes him...

That would be something.

(oh shush let’s get with the romance) (Jerry always brings it)

The brothers love each other, but throughout this narrative there’s been hints that they both long for more. So much more. It would be so weird if it didn’t all wrap up with more being wanted and chosen and offered and had.

So if the answers are to be “in each of them -- someday”, then maybe Dean just needs to reach a moment where he’s ready to admit to himself that he can’t stand the fact that Cas died not knowing that Dean loves him back.

I wonder if Sam will push for this admittance... I’d like to witness that conversation, that’s for sure.

And Eileen. I hope she’s back sooner rather than later next episode!!

What’s next episode going to be about if it’s not about the breaking of old patterns to make way for new ones...? Are we going to follow the boys around as they do laundry and cook and make a few tentative plans for their unknown future? They won’t be hunting much in 15x20, at least if Dabb is anything to go by. I guess there might be something brief as a final The Boys With Their Weapons Doing Their Thing, but... it won’t be a case episode. And it would’ve been strange if it was, you know?

So then. Hope. One more week breathing eating sleeping on hopes and wishes and we shall simply have to wait and see what we get.

I have every faith it will blow us away, but I’m also sitting pretty. Reining in those horses lest they run away with me. And whatever comes our way, I’m so grateful for this show!

#spn meta #spn 15x19 #spn speculation #dean #cas #sam #jack #chuck #michael #lucifer #deancas #destiel #hopes and wishes

179 notes · View notes

mattzerella-sticks · 4 years

Text

🌊What the Water Gave Him 🌊

Destiel-centric finale spec based on a post I made earlier, found here

Can be read on ao3 here

It was over. Chuck lost, Sam and Dean can live their lives how they want them. But their victory wasn't without losses. The biggest upset nearly taking Dean out of the game, happening so close to the final battle. Now he's on the other side, alive against all odds, but Sam knows he isn't happy. Not truly happy since the Empty stole his best friend.

But there's a chance they can save him. A slim chance. A risk that Dean's willing to take despite every logical nerve in Sam's body screaming at him to look for better options. That threading a needle this small is too dangerous. That they don't have to take on another big bad, not anymore. That they don't have to risk their lives anymore. Dean is far past the point of listening. Dead set on this mission, Sam can only watch.

And pray his brother proves him wrong.

He stands along the water’s edge, gentle waves lapping the rocky shore. Barely licking at his boots while he gazes upon the beautiful, blue stretch of lake. Sun hanging low on the horizon, sky a far deeper color of orange than earlier.

They’ve been at this for over an hour.

Sam glances behind him, skin crawling as he sees nothing changed since last he looked. Jack stationed on one edge of the circle, Michael at the other. Dean between them, his eyes closed. Lying deathly still over the sigils scratched into the earth. His skin pale, and both hands tightly clasped around tan fabric folded over Dean’s lap.

He hates this. What Dean’s doing. That Sam cannot help. And how it’s their only option.

Jack saw this once before. A variation of it, actually. “When I killed Nick,” he said, handing out copies of photographs he printed out amongst their little group. “I found him in the middle of resurrecting Lucifer –“

“If he just had a little more patience,” Dean sneered. “Chuck could’ve saved him a whole lot of effort, though I’d doubt it’d end any differently.” Adam nodded at Dean’s side, studying his copy with interest like Sam did. Trying to identify the scene Jack captured. Dean continued, not even addressing the image. “Do you think this can work?”

“Given who we’re doing this for, no,” he admitted, “the spell Nick found would only open a portal to the Empty, wake Lucifer up. It would then be up to him to cross over, and with his amount of power that wouldn’t be difficult.” Jack then opened the book he brought, pushing it into the middle of the table. Pointing at an illustration. “But I think I can modify it. Although…”

Sam set the photo down, facing Jack. “What is it Jack?”

“I… well, it’d be very complicated,” he started, not meeting Sam’s gaze. “For it to work, me and Michael would need to use all of our power.”

“To wake Cas? Jack, you did it before –“

“When the Empty was asleep,” Jack said, “when they weren’t expecting it. When Cas hadn’t already ticked them off… they’ve already lost him once.”

“And they won’t be keen on losing Cas again,” Dean added. A storm darkening his hooded stare. Sam watched him sink into his seat, memories from that awful night weighing on Dean. It haunted him, too. Finding Dean curled around himself the next morning, unresponsive, incoherently mumbling about their friend. Shoulder stained with dried blood. In time, he recovered as he always did. Sometimes though Sam feared he’d turn and there Dean would be. Shattered completely with no chance of putting those pieces together. Stuck in that helpless ball, trembling. Forever praying. That’s not the case now. No sign of careful fragility anymore, the storm passing. Back ramrod straight Dean carelessly flicked the photo away. “What else you need?”

“Ingredients that we have here at the Bunker, I’m sure,” Jack continued, “a nice open space where we can perform the ritual. Something that belonged to Cas, that will resonate with his unique wavelength. And finally…” he trailed off near the end, faltering.

“Jack,” Sam said, “What else?”

“One of us would have to go in,” he told them, “but… there’s a chance they might not come back.” For the first second, there’s silence. The next –

“Jack, there has to be –“

“I’ll do it.”

He whipped his head towards him, scowling at the grim determination of Dean’s face. Lips thinned in a small line. Brows bent aggressively. An expression that appeared whenever Dean grabbed onto the most idiotic, suicidal thought he had and stubbornly refused to surrender. He’d refuse any option other than what he decided. Arguing with him when he’s like that was impossible.

Sam tried regardless.

“There has to be another way,” Sam whispered, both men waiting as Jack and Michael recreated Nick’s sigil-work in the dirt. Leaning against Baby’s frame, drinking in silence. “Billie always threatened she’d throw us in there one day, why don’t we ask her –“

“She’d never agree to it, Sammy. Too messy.” Dean wouldn’t look at Sam. Not since he exploded on Dean back at the Bunker. Called him selfish, that the last thing Cas wants is Dean endangering himself. His tantrum earned Sam a swift right hook he still has the bruise from, cheek mottled blue and green. Dean’s knuckles newly scabbed. “Billie plays by the universe’s rules… and we make our own.”

“Yes, finally. Rules we fought so hard to make, I…” Sam sighed, “we were finished, Dean. No more big risks. We won. Facing the Empty… there’s no do-over button if you get stuck there.”

“I’m okay with that.”

“And yet you’re still doing this?”

“It’s like I told you Sam,” he said, finally deigning Sam with a frigid glance. Steely resolve sharpening it, cutting through him. “Have been telling you. You don’t have a clue what’s really going on. If you knew… you’d see there’s no risk at all.”

Sam’s temper flares now, pain edging his vision. “Then let me in, Dean. Tell me. Why are you so afraid of –“

“I’m not afraid –“

“You clearly are,” he hissed, “otherwise you wouldn’t be throwing yourself into another near-death experience instead of having a simple conversation with me.” Sam reels his anger back, softening. Pleading. “I want Cas here as much as you do, Dean. But there has to be another way.”

Dean drained his bottle and then threw it. Far enough so when it exploded the glass wouldn’t touch them. “If it were Eileen stuck in there,” he said, “you’d know there wasn’t.”

He paused. “Eileen? What’s that have to –“

Jack called, saying they were ready. Dean stalked off towards them. Sam left behind in his confusion. “Do you have the anchor?”

“Right here.” He showed Jack the trench coat, grip on it gentle like if he squeezed any tighter Dean might rip it. “Where do you want me?”

Sam remembered Dean rambled on about its sturdiness. Boasting how he gassed the store clerk with half-truths to not draw suspicion when asking after ‘protective outerwear’. Buying it because he noticed a tear along the seam of Cas’s armpit. “I thought he’d stitch it up,” Dean laughed, whipping his purchase like a cape. Playing with it. Sam chuckled at his brother’s antics. “But he just shrugged and carried on like it was nothing. I asked him why he left it and he tells me that it’d be a waste of his grace.”

“Then why didn’t you mend it for him?”

“…What?”

“Come on, Dean,” Sam said, “you’re a master with the needle. And I’m not talking about sewing gashes… do you recall the Luke Skywalker costume you made me from those stolen motel bed sheets?”

Dean blushed, “I was just a kid then, Sammy…”

“Still the best costume, better than any of those store-bought ones at school.”

“Well… maybe I didn’t want to fix it,” he said, “that’s why. I mean… sure I could’ve. But then he’d rip it again and… it’s not like he can’t have another jacket! Cas needs a little more variety.”

Sam snorted. “Yeah, because a slightly lighter brown is really crazy for him. What’s he even gonna do with it?”

“Wear it?” Dean said, “Or… put it away, keep it here. Dude’s been living with us this long and how much stuff does he own? It might not be a huge change but it’s… it’s a start, Sam.”

Dean was right in buying it. Ransacking Cas’s room, there wasn’t anything they could use for the spell save for the single, untouched trench coat hanging in his closet. As Sam leaves that memory, he realized too late the others began without him. Jack and Michael knelt like statues. His brother had left for the Empty.

And he’s still there.

Helpless while Dean pokes the bear in his cave. Sitting on the sidelines as he faces down an extraordinary being with limitless powers, like beating Chuck wasn’t pure luck. Like any of their efforts left a scratch on him. It was a group effort, what little remained of their family pitching in. Sending Chuck onto his next project. But this… it was just Dean. He was alone. And worse… Sam thinks his brother wanted it that way.

If it were Eileen stuck in there, you’d know it wasn’t.

When he wasn’t worrying about Dean, Sam mulled over his parting message. Trying to fit together the pieces Dean gave. He suspects it’s a simple picture. A niggling sense at the base of his skull tells Sam that the answer is clear. It always was. Except he looked past it, over and over, again and again. Never seeing the truth of it. Of Dean and Cas. Without either of them here, where he can observe them one more time – careful, in a way Sam hasn’t before – Sam doubts he will uncover much of anything.

At least it distracts him from Dean. Until it doesn’t.

Dean gasps, lurching forward. Coughing, spitting up bile and gagging on air. Michael collapses, exhausted. Jack almost follows but overcomes his dizziness. Sam, the only unaffected one, dashes towards. Rubs Dean’s back while he works through his nausea. How Dean lets him either shows he’s too woozy to know it’s him, or the earlier animosity was forgotten. As Dean claws at his shirt, gasping, repeating his name, Sam guesses the latter. “Yes, Dean?” he says, “What is it?”

“Cas,” he says, voice hoarse and raw, “Where… where is he?”

There weren’t any portals. Nor did a star shoot downwards from the sky. Their friend had not even blinked into existence with a smile and a familiar rumble. “Cas,” Sam sighs, “Cas. Dean, I don’t think –“

“Cas.”

He scrambles to his feet, knocking Sam onto the ground. Dean runs across the shore and, when he reaches the lake, wades in. Fully dressed, madly waving the trench coat. Sam yells, but Dean ignores him. Hellbent on drowning himself.

Except Sam misses it, again.

Someone meets Dean halfway. Breaking through the lake’s surface, swimming to where the water rests above their waists. Drags his brother into a hug, spinning him. With raven hair, tanned skin, and blue eyes crinkled with joy and life and love. “Cas,” Sam says, “it’s… it worked?”

“Of course it worked,” Jack says, “This is Dean and Cas.”

Maybe Sam understands because of the off-hand way Jack spoke about the two men. Or, more likely, it’s when Cas – wrapped in the trench coat Dean bought him – sweeps Dean into his arms and kisses him. Dean melts under his touch, responding with an excitement that had been absent when Chuck left them alone for real. It doesn’t matter how. He finally gets it.

Dean and Cas… they get their happy ending.

#supernatural #spn #spn15 #spn15 spec #15 and final #15x18 #15x19 #15x20 #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #adam milligan #michael #destiel #deancas #destiel fanfic #deancas fanfic #this is how we 🤡 can still win

31 notes · View notes

it-me-ari · 4 years

Text

“Beautiful Pain” (reposte)

This is a fic I wrote a while ago and I never proof read (there were soo many mistakes). Also I didn’t make any paragrahs and could only post it in screenshots bc my phone couldn’t handle it. But here it is again, corrected, with paragraphs and as a normal text post!

The Winchesters and I just came back from a hunt and I was about to cook something for all of us (Dean didn't care for healthy food as usual) when Arthur Ketch, our favourite brit (not) suddenly stepped into our meeting room. Sam and Dean pulled out their guns in an instant and I was ready to throw my knife at him but instead of attacking he just lifted his hands above his head. "Don't shoot. I come in peace." He said in a calm voice and carefully pulled a badly beaten up person, clothed in dirty rags, beside him. "And I come bearing gifts." He continued and gestured at the poor guy who looked at us with tensed shoulders and fear in his eyes. I didn't recognize him at first, as he was covered in blood and dirt, but then it hit me and I took a sharp breath. "Gabriel?!" I whispered, trying to push down the emotions that whirled up inside me.

I thought he was dead. I thought I'd never see him again. Hell, I didn't eat for weeks because of his death. Before he 'died' we were good friends, that had the potential to be something more, considering our flirting and teasing it wouldn't have been long before we got together. And, most importantly, Gabriel kissed me before he took on Lucifer and got 'killed'. I couldn't believe what I saw, what had happened to him? I didn't understand why he was alive and why he looked like someone tortured him. Ketch explained that Asmodeus, fourth prince of no hell, had captured him, tortured him and drained him of his grace to inject it himself. The Winchesters and I changed meaningful glances, archangel grace was the last ingredient we needed to open a door to Mary and Jack.

“We're gonna need his grace." Sam finally said you could see that he felt guilty saying that, as Gabriel was in such a bad shape. As soon as he said that the archangel whimpered and stumbled backwards in panic. "Wow calm down. I've also brought this-" said Ketch, calming Gabriel while pulling out two ampoules, filled with shimmering grace, carefully he put them on the table. Gabriel's reaction hurt me, this was not the cocky, powerful archangel I remembered, this was a broken soul, scared and hurt. I hated seeing him like this, hurt, broken, fearful. It pained me that he was suffering so much and the strong urge to take care of him and protect him rose inside me. The boys finally put their guns away and started strategizing with Ketch, unsure what to do with him, they argued for quite a while. I was still in shock about the sudden twist our mission had taken and didn't participate.

Finally, they decided that Dean and Ketch will go to apocalypse world to save Mary and Jack, while Sam and I would stay at the bunker to take care of Gabriel and to guard the door. After they left Castiel arrived and the three of us tried to get a reaction from Gabriel, but he either didn't realize our presence or didn't remember us. Anyway it was very painful to watch him in that state and I almost couldn't bear it, but I kept reminding myself that I had to be strong for Gabriel. When we tried to give him the ampoule of his grace we had left he struggled and refused to take it. "I don't think he will accept it in his current state," Cas stated worried and we decided to let him rest for a while.

After a few hours Cas went to check on Gabriel and what he found in the room caused him to call for us in an urgent tone. "Sam, Angel!" Sam and I were there in an instant, equally surprised how the room had changed. The walls were covered in enochian symbols from top to bottom. "What is this? Did he do that?" I stuttered and looked at Cas in confusion: "Is it enochian?"

Cas scanned the walls with a frown before he answered: "It's his story. It starts with his death." I winced as I remembered how Gabriel died in front of my eyes, murdered by his own brother. Cas continued, oblivious to my reaction to his words: "Or what appeared to be his death. 'As usual, my brother had double my brawn and half my brains. He assumed the counterfeit me is what vanished that night and he thought that he'd stabbed the real thing.' " He ran his fingers over the symbols before he kept on reading: " 'The truth is, the thing Luci skewered was a fake. Plenty of fakes to go around. Everyone believed Gabriel was gone. And suddenly, I was free. No obligations to god or heaven or mankind. And so I did what everyone would do. I moved to Monte Carlo and shacked up with porn stars.' "

As he read those words my head snapped up and I looked at Gabriel in shock, unable to conceal my feelings. It was probably the wrong time to be jealous and hurt but I couldn't ignore the sharp pain in my chest, it felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. I realized that I never had a chance at a relationship with Gabriel. To him, I was just a toy, a mildly amusing distraction at the end of the world. And the kiss was probably just to underline the drama of his 'death'. Cas, who didn't see my reaction, read quietly for a while before he started talking again: "Well he goes on and on for quite a while about porn stars and, uh-" "Cas, please." Interrupted Sam, guessing how I was feeling about the things he just said.

Cas looked at me briefly and continued: "Okay, so Gabriel was captured and delivered to Asmodeus. 'For years, I knew nothing but endless torture. Asmodeus, once the weakest of Hell's princes, grew strong by feeding on my grace.' " I looked at Gabriel again and felt how anger cut through the pain, I hated Asmodeus for doing that to Gabriel, even though he left me for some porn stars I still loved him and didn't want anyone to hurt him. Well, obviously his intellect is intact." Stated Castiel after a few minutes of grave silence. "So, why isn't he talking to us?" I whispered, not trusting my voice to conceal my mixed feelings. "I don't know, maybe he can't." Answered Castiel, his voice filled with helplessness. "Or maybe he's choosing not to. Maybe he thinks it's safer that way." Said Sam quietly, sounding like he knew the feeling. I tensed slightly and dropped my head, wishing desperately I could help him.

In an attempt to make things better we helped Gabriel to sit down on the bed and Castiel and I tried to heal him. Neither of us had any luck, his injuries were too severe. Castiel looked at us, his hands still on Gabriel's head: "It's not possible for an angel to heal an archangel. I'm just trying to jolt his mind into thinking straight." He sighed and removed his hands from Gabriel. "Even then, it's possible that he's lost." I breathed in shakily, holding back my tears, I just couldn't bear the thought that Gabriel might be lost forever. Sam silently put his hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me.

After that Castiel left, while I and Sam stayed with Gabriel, keeping him company. It was silent for a long while, neither I nor Sam knew what to say. Finally, Sam stood up and faced Gabriel with an intense gaze. "Gabriel, you have to dig yourself out of this hole. Look, I know you think it's safer inside. No more torture. No more pain. No more expectations." He sighed and looked at Gabriel, searching for something that would indicate that he understood what Sam was saying. But he just stared into nothing, his eyes empty. So Sam continued: "I've been there. You were nothing like your family. You sure as hell weren't like your dad. Me either. And just like you, I got out. Or I thought I got out. But then.." He took a step closer to Gabriel, still looking at him intensely. "Then, my family needed me. And this is my life. No matter how many times I've tried to fight it, this is what I was put here to do. This is where I make the world a better place." He sighed again and shrugged his shoulders in a resigned way. "And sure, yeah, hookers in Monte Carlo, sounds great, but your family needs you. Jack, your nephew, needs you. The world needs you. We need you." He paused and looked briefly at me, before turning his head back to Gabriel: "Angel needs you." He said quietly and let Gabriel time to process his words. "So please, help us." He said finally.

It was silent for a few minutes and just when I thought Sam's speech didn't get through to Gabriel at all, he said something: "Porn stars. They were porn stars, Sam." His eyes glowed in a bright blue and the ghost of his old, cocky grin flickered across his face. As much as I was relieved that we got Gabriel back, I was also hurt that the first words he said after years of torture were about porn stars. Porn stars. Barely able to hold back my tears I stormed out of the room, through the long corridors of the bunker, in my room, where I threw myself in my bed and started crying. I knew I should be happy that Gabriel was alive and still kind of sane, but I couldn't ban the image of him with some porn stars of my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he faked his death and took off without a word to me. I thought we had something going on, but the fact that he abandoned me for his freedom told a different story.

Back in Gabriel's room, he barely noticed that I left because he was still not completely himself, Sam and Castiel fed him the other ampoule of his grace to help him recover. Only seconds after that, Sam's phone rang. He picked up and put the person calling on speaker: "Samuel." An all to familiar voice said in a confident tone. Gabriel looked up in horror and jerked back, it was the voice of his torturer. It was Asmodeus. "I hope you're having a pleasant day." Gabriel’s breath quickened and he looked like a cornered animal. "It's come to my attention you boys have something that belongs to me and I'd like it back." Sam and Castiel exchanged worried glances but he answered calmly: "I don't know what you're talking about." "Oh, I believe you do. And I'm gonna give you one chance to return him to me. No harm, no foul." If I were present during that phone call I'd ripped the phone out of Sam's hand to give him a piece of my mind. But Sam just stayed cool as he answered simply: "I'm hanging up." Asmodeus didn't like that: "Do not hang up on me." He roared furiously. "Gabriel is of no use to you in his current condition. Should you choose to resist me, I have no choice but to take him by force." Gabriel looked horrified at his words and panted fearfully. "I will reduce you and that sad little bunker of yours to ashes. You've got ten minutes." With that said he just hung up, leaving Gabriel on the edge of a panic attack and two very worried boys.

Meanwhile, I was in my room, trying to get myself together again. By the time the bunker went into the emergency mode, I'd stopped crying and was almost back to normal again, or at least almost ready to act normal again. As soon as the lights went red and the alarm started blaring, I burst out of my room and rushed to the entrance, almost running into Sam and Cas, who were headed to the same direction. "What's going on?!" I asked tensed, a knife in my hand. "Asmodeus. He's coming for Gabriel." Sam answered courtly and fastened his pace. When we reached the conference room we were immediately attacked by a bunch of demons, but we could handle them without a problem. The problems started when Asmodeus himself appeared, grinning arrogantly at us.

"Your warding wasn't designed for the likes of me, Samuel." He pinned the three of us against a wall, using his powers and looked at us, mildly amused. "I've come to claim what's mine." We had to watch helplessly how two demons dragged Gabriel across the room towards Asmodeus, he looked confused and scared. Asmodeus walked towards him and patted his cheek with an arrogant smile. "Oh, I missed you, boy." Gabriel whimpered and turned his head away from him. Asmodeus chuckled and took a step back, Gabriel squirmed under his gaze and looked up to him like a frightened child. "I'm gonna have to punish you rather severely, I'm afraid." He said, trying to achieve a fatherly tone, but it just sounded slimy. Gabriel breathed heavily and looked around, his eyes pleading for help. Watching a pathetic little demon like Asmodeus treating a powerful, several millennia's old archangel like a naughty child made me furious and gave me new strength. Somehow I managed to break free from Asmodeus' grip and jumped at him with my knife directed at his heart. But he saw me coming and with just a single movement of his hand, I was thrown against a wall again. This time I wasn't so lucky, my head slammed against the wall and I immediately lost my consciousness, causing me to miss all the following action.

Asmodeus watched Gabriel with a while, a satisfied smile on his lips. Finally, he nodded towards the stairs and the demons holding him dragged him up the stairs and towards the bunker door. Asmodeus straightened his suit in a business-like manner and turned towards the boys. "As for you two.." he raised his fists and slowly started closing them, causing Sam and Castiel to squirm in pain. Apparently, he had forgotten about unconscious me, lying beneath the table. Meanwhile, Gabriel and the two demons dragging him reached the top of the stairs, where Gabriel struggled and overwhelmed them. He threw them both over the railing and leaned on it, panting. Asmodeus frowned and shifted his attention to the battered archangel: "Gabriel. What are you doing, son?" His voice was amused, bursting with confidence. If I had been awake this statement would've made me furious. Asmodeus smiled sadistically: "You know too well what I can do to you." The angel didn't react, his head hanging low, his hands tightly gripped the railing. Asmodeus frowned, now getting angry, and shouted: "I broke you!"

Gabriel slowly lifted his head, eyes glowing bright blue. "You're too weak!" Asmodeus shouted again, now really furious. With a sudden movement, Gabriel straightened his back while at the same time his appearance changed back to normal. His wounds disappeared, so did the blood and the dirt and his hair were clean and fluffy again. With still glowing eyes he looked down at Asmodeus, unfolding his wings as a demonstration of power. The look on Asmodeus' face changed as he slowly began to realise that Gabriel was finding back to his old self, hectically he produced a lightning bolt and threw it at Gabriel. But the archangel casually slapped it to the side, cracked his head a little and looked at Asmodeus with cold eyes: "Not anymore." He tilted his head a little and said in his usual, mocking tone: "Oh, by the way, I always hated that dumbass suit." And with that, leaving Asmodeus no time to react, his hand jerked forward, his eyes started glowing and Asmodeus slowly started smoking. Gabriel twisted his hand a little and the smoke turned into fire. Asmodeus looked at his hands in horror and started screaming, Gabriel smiled and watched satisfied how his torturer burned to death. And I was still unconscious, which really annoys me now, I would've enjoyed seeing him burn.

Afterwards (after they brought me to my room) Cas and Sam told Gabriel everything that'd happened, including how we want to save Mary Winchester and his nephew Jack from an alternate universe. It was a lot to take in and Gabriel, freshly recovered, was a little overwhelmed. "Whoa- too much information." He stuttered. "Slow down, I'm not processing." He groaned and massaged his temples. Castiel sighed: "And there's more... Michael wants to come to this earth and destroy it. We may need your help to fight him." Gabriel slowly raised his eyebrows, obviously hoping that he'd heard wrong: "What?" Sam chuckled softly at his reaction: "Yeah." It was not a happy chuckle tho, more like a 'yeah, I know, we're fucked' chuckle. Gabriel looked at Sam with a 'please tell me you're joking' face. Sam sighed and said with fake joy: "Welcome to the team."

The archangels face showed his disapproval: "Uh- yeah. Not so much." He said slowly and leaned back. "I mean, thank you for the rescue and for the redemption arc, but uh-" he slowly stood up while speaking "I'm not really a 'team' guy." Sam looked at him like a lost puppy while Cas, already knew what came next, looked annoyed. Gabriel, not caring about any of them, continued speaking: "Sooo, I'm gonna bounce, okay? Uhm, but, you know, it's been- uhm- What's the opposite of fun?" He tilted his head a little, pretending to think about it, then answered the question himself: "That." He walked past the two boys, seemingly not caring at all. "No. Gabriel, don't- you- you can't just walk way!" Stuttered Sam, still looking like a lost puppy. "If Michael comes here, he will end this world." He continued after Gabriel just walked past him. The angel sighed and turned around: "And the last time the world was ending, I put my money on you." He said and pointed at Sam with a finger gun. "I think you can pull it off again." He turned around and started walking again when Castiel spoke: "No. You cannot turn your back on your father's creation." His face was serious as he when he appealed to his sense of honour. Gabriel turned around again and looked at the other angel almost pitiful: "Castiel, my father turned his back to his creation." After no-one replied he shrugged and said: "Guess it just runs in the family" sounding a little bitter and before anyone could answer he was gone.

That was the moment when I walked into the room, I could just hear the flutter of his wings and frowned in confusion, I was still dizzy from my head injury. "What the hell is going on?" I asked Sam and Cas and they told me everything. "He- he left?" I whispered, close to crying. Again. Nobody said anything. Cas looked at me with pity. Sam pulled me into a hug. When Dean got back from apocalypse world, without Ketch, we found out that he wasn't able to find Mary and Jack and Ketch decided to stay in apocalypse world to prepare everything for another rescue attempt. He was not happy when he found out that Gabriel took off and we haven't had any archangel grace left.

Two weeks later, after we found Rowena, we finally knew were Gabriel was and of course we immediately took off to the town where Rowena's tracking spell told us he was. I was not sure how I should feel, now that we had a real clue where Gabriel was. I was still hurt about how he acted but I also missed him, I've been missing him for over 7 years and his sudden appearance brought all the feelings back. I wanted at least talk to him, maybe shout at him. Arguing from the other end of the motel room brought me back to reality and I decided to see what Sam and Dean were fighting about this time. Turned out, that Sam wanted to stay longer in this town, to check every possibility, while Dean wanted to move on. "We don't have time Sammy!" He shouted angrily, but also desperate, he was like this all the time since he came back from apocalypse world without Mary and Jack. "Mom and Jack, they could be hurt or worse. And we're stuck here in this stupid motel room looking for some runaway, dumbass archangel who doesn't wanna be found!"

Sam frowned and opened his mouth to answer, but before he could say anything I decided to involve myself and maybe try to calm things down. "Dean, calm down, we still have a chance of finding Gabriel. I mean, yeah, Rowena isn't the most trustworthy person but she is a powerful witch after all." I said in a calm voice, hoping I could reason with him. But he just rolled his eyes: "This town has more than five houses, Angel, what do you think is gonna happen? That Gabriel just comes here like 'hey fellas, I'm here to help you'?" I opened my mouth to protest but was interrupted by someone knocking on our door. I exchanged glances with the brothers and together we walked to the door, weapons ready. Dean carefully opened it and what was behind that door took us all by surprise.

It was Gabriel, with messy hair and a bloody shirt. He smiled weakly at our dumbstruck faces: "Hey fellas, looking for me?" Slowly we put our guns down and let him in. I wanted to heal his wound but Dean wouldn't let me, he didn't want Gabe getting strong enough to disappear again, so I let Sam handle it. It was bad being so close to him and knowing that I never meant anything to him, but it was worse that he acted like he didn't know me. He barely looked at me and only shot me a curious look when I offered to heal him. I mean I never told him about my powers, but it still hurt to see him act that way. I tried to ban these thoughts from my mind and watched Sam patching up Gabriel instead. "Alright, this is gonna hurt a little." He said while he bandaged him. "A little?" Gabriel groaned and shut his eyes in pain. I couldn't fight a smile, guess he wasn't used to being actually hurt.

"How'd you know we were here?" Sam asked after he finished and looked at the wounded archangel. Dean and I stood beside him, watching him with emotionless faces, probably the first time I was with Dean when it comes to deal with the Trickster. "Come on." Said Trickster chuckled and sat up. "I felt your witch's tracking spell the second she laid it on me. Tasted like haggis." "So now you're in trouble?" Sam asked casually while putting away his medical stuff. "What gave you that idea?" Gabriel asked, trying to sound as cool as always. Dean lifted his eyebrows and answered: "Well, you show up at our doorstep, bleeding like a stuck pig." "This?" Gabriel laughed, gesturing at his wound. "Eh you know, I roll into town, have some fun, stumble into the wrong poker game, take a guy's money... his wife.." He shrugged. "Things get messy." None of us believed him for a second, I was the one to voice my disbelief: "You're trying to tell us you came here to have some fun?" I asked with raised eyebrows. "Yeah, this isn't exactly the Riviera." Dean scoffed. "I know right?" Gabe laughed and then looked at me curiously. I hated it, like he never met me.

Then he cleared his throat and got ready to stand up: "Yeah, so anyway, uhm- I don't suppose you guys have any more of my grace laying around, right? 'Cause, uh, the tank's a little low." He looked up hopefully and I reluctantly admitted to myself that he looked adorable like that. "Did you drain it killing Asmodeus?" Sam asked, sounding a little worried. "And ditching you," Gabriel added and I winced, another thing that hurt. "I'll recharge eventually but uh- until then..." He didn't finish the sentence and looked a little desperate. "Whatever we didn't use on you, we used to open up a rift." Dean finally said. The archangels face showed literally 'oh fuck' and he was silent for a while. "...cool" he finally said. "Super duper. Okay. Well, uh, in that case, gentlemen and lady, I must bid you my goodb-" he groaned loudly as he tried to stand up and his wound hurt. "Yeah, no-" he said, leaning back again. "Maybe after a little siesta." With that said he laid down on the couch and closed his eyes. The fact that he actually fell asleep worried me a little, even though I tried to ignore that. We used the time he slept to discuss what we should do with him.

"I don't get why he's here," Sam said thoughtfully and looked at the sleeping angel. "Yeah, well, right now I don't care. He's here and we're gonna keep him here." Dean said and before I could say something Gabriel woke up in a jolt. "Where am I?" He mumbled confused until he saw us sitting at the table. "Oh, right. You." He sighed and touched his wound carefully. "Ouch." He winced and looked down at his stomach. Sam stood up. "Gabriel, look, we don't really know what's going on here." "We need your help," I said bluntly, staring at him with a neutral expression. "Uh-" he started, confused about my behaviour "Yeah, not a big joiner." He chuckled. Dean looked at him and raised his eyebrows triggered. "So you have better things to do than save the world?" "Exactly." He answered defensively. Dean and I exchanged glances while Gabriel tried to stand up again. "Look, this has been great, a real thrill, but uh- I just came here for the silver stuff. And since you don't have it anymore-" he lifted his suitcase and jacket and stood up with a barley concealed grunt "-it's time for me to say sayonara."

In exactly that moment the door flew open and two men stood in the doorway. "We're here for the angel." Said the big, muscular one with a Scandinavian accent, while the other one, a smaller, slimmer man (more a boy than a man), just flexed with his nicely done hair. For a second under the big one's features glowed a dangerous-looking face with horns, while the slim one had a horses head underneath his human face. "What the hell are you guys?" Asked Dean horrified, then whispered to Gabriel, loud enough for everyone to hear: "The hell are these guys?" "Oh, just a couple of Norse demigods." Answered the angel in his typical, casual way. "Demigods?" I snapped and raised my knife, ready to fight. It followed a brief fight that ended with Gabriel stabbing the big guy with a wooden sword that looked like a katana. When his body dropped to the ground the other dude froze and stared at Gabriel with wide eyes. "Hey, handsome" the angel teased "are you ready to die?" The boy broke free from his paralysis and ran away. As soon as he was out of sight, Gabriel lowered the sword and held his wound, groaning.

Dean relaxed a little and looked at Gabriel. "You okay?" He asked, even tho the answer was obvious. "Yeah, yeah.. I'll go after him in a sec... I just.. need a minute." Answered Gabriel panting, still holding his wound. "Wrong." Replied Dean simply and pulled out a pair of angel-proof handcuffs. "You're not going anywhere." Gabriel looked at the handcuffs and sighed frustrated, but didn't seem surprised. So we tied Gabriel to the bedframe and went to get rid of the body, laying in our room. "You know, you guys are lucky I'm low on power, considering what I did to the last guy who locked me up." Dean took off his jacket unimpressed. "You know what?" He asked. "We said we'd let you go, just as soon as you tell us what the hell is going on here." Gabriel looked away "yeah.." he clicked his tongue "it's not a fun story." "Well, we just broke into a junkyard and stuffed the body of a demigod into a car crusher. So I think you owe us some answers." Sam and Dean threw their jackets at their beds and sat down in front of Gabe, while I leaned against the wall.

“Okay, they’re not really demigods." Gabriel started, which just got him unimpressed stares from each of us, so he continued, sounding almost defensive. "Look, the whole Norse pantheon is its own weird thing." He looked at us, checking if we were listening. "Think of them more like, uh, God begotten monsters-" "Yeah, whatever. What did they want with you?" Interrupted Dean impatiently. Our 'prisoner' sighed, knowing his stalling time was over: "I killed their brother." He said directly. Sam looked at him like 'you did WHAT?' but then just asked why. The archangel was silent for a moment and then started he started to talk: "Remember when I told you what happened after I faked my death at that motel?" He asked and I closed my eyes, knowing what was about to come. "Yeah, of course, you went to uhh- Monte Carlo with a bunch of porn stars." Dean's reaction was soft chuckle like 'niiice dude', but then he was serious again.

"Yeah, well, I left a few parts out." Gabriel took on narrating again: "After Lucifer 'killed me', I needed to lay low. Luckily, I used to hang with a pretty resourceful crew. Found me a real top-shelf hideaway." He then told us about this fancy penthouse, the porn stars, how he played poker and so on. "I had it made." He sighed. "All the booze I could drink, all the uh- entertainment, I could handle.." Sam saw how my gaze hardened and quickly interrupted before he could continue: "Okay. Why don't we just skip to the end?" Dean looked a little disappointed but seemed to understand, while Gabriel was kind of offended, but then he sighed and skipped, as requested, to the end of his story: "So this is how it ended. The two dudes from earlier, along with their brother, captured me in my sleep and somehow managed to sedate me. By the time I came to, they had me sold to Asmodeus."

"Why would they do that?" Asked Sam, looking confused. Gabriel looked at Sam like he was stupid: "Helloo? Lucifer? In case you don't remember, there was an apocalypse brewing at the time." "We remember." Sam courtly answered. "Well, Vegas odds had my bro pulling off a big win." "Yeah? And whose fault is that?" Dean asked coldly. Gabe pressed his lips together and didn't answer at first. "Hmmm." He said finally. "Fenrir, Sleipnir and Narfi were just trying to cover their asses. They needed to get rid of me before Lucifer figured out where they had me hidden. But selling me to that Kentucky fried asshole? For them? That was all profit." His speech grew a bit heated towards the end, but who would blame him? Dean nodded slowly and then asked: "So you want revenge?" Gabriel rolled his eyes: "Well, obviously. Roasting Asmodeus was satisfying- for a hot minute. But you know one thing better than killing him? Slaughtering them all."

Sam nodded slowly. "But since you're low on grace, you had to do it the old fashioned way. With wood." The archangel smirked: "Don't let anybody ever tell you, you're just a pretty face. Sam stood up from his chair and looked down at Gabe: "All right. Anyway, if there are only three, uh- gods, monsters, whatever-" he walked over to Gabriel suitcase with the swords and opened it "how come there are four swords?" "Oh, that top one? That is for the man with the plan, the architect of my torture and my own, personal public enemy number one. Their papa. Loki." His eyes were dark as he spoke out his name and a shudder ran down my spine, he was scary when he had that look on his face. "Hold on-" Dean was confused, "I thought Loki was you?" Gabriel then explained how he once saved Loki and therefore the god of mischief let him use his identity. We were silent for a while, then I asked: "And you saw Loki in Monte Carlo?" He looked at me, again with that thoughtful, curious look in his eyes: "Well, I needed someplace to hide." He then answered, shrugging his shoulders. “And he’d already helped me once.”

Dean nodded slowly then looked away and scoffed: "You know, none of this would've happened if you'd just stuck around and helped us fight Lucifer." Gabriel looked at him offended: "Hey, I did help you!" Yeah, but you didn't stick around. I thought and looked away for a second. But Gabriel was now in defence mode. "Casa Erotica?" Oh yeah, I remembered this. I cried. Good times. "You call that help?" Asked Sam, in disbelief. "I call that art." Gabriel shot back. "But, yes, without me, you two chuckleheads and that girl-" Really Gabe? Just "that girl"? Thanks. "-never would've known how to throw Lucifer back in the cage!" Dean was not impressed: "Yeah, but instead of giving us a hand, you ran and you just did it again when you ditched us in the bunker!" His voice grew louder every second and this time, I didn't try to calm him down, I agreed silently. "Alright, Dean-" Sam tried to stop him but Gabriel got in the way: "I have more important things to do than to join your little band of merry men." He spat back. "What you're doing. This. This is not important-" Dean started to argue back but Gabriel cut him off. "Every day, Asmodeus tortured me! Every day! He fed off my grace for years! He used me. He debased me. Until I was-" he broke off and calmed down a bit. Nobody dared to say something until he continued. "What I went through, you don't forgive. Everyone who had a hand in it will die. Get me?!" He asked aggressively.

Sam wanted to answer but now I had enough. "Of course we get you." I snapped and came closer. "Everyone of us gets you," I growled. "Dean went to hell for fucking 40 years. He was tortured every single day for 40 years! Every day! He got the mark of Cain and became a demon! Sam's soul was in the cage with Lucifer and Michael for 120 years, being tortured by the devil himself! He got possessed by an angel and had to watch him kill one of his friends! And I too, know torture, physical and mental. (I deliberately didn't go into detail here, it was too personal) We all lost so much over the years. Friends. Family. But we didn't give up. We didn't run. We kept going and saved the fucking world more than once. So would you stop thinking about yourself for one goddamn minute and get yourself together? We need you. The world needs you." I started screaming but ended with barely a whisper. Everyone stared at me with wide eyes. I scoffed and left the room, I needed alone time to get my feelings under control.

After I left, Sam and Dean stared at Gabriel, waiting for him to say something. After a few minutes of complete silence, he looked up. "I guess-" he cleared his throat "I guess she's right.. I'm sorry guys." He just seemed tired now. Neither Sam nor Dean answered, but their gazes softened a little bit. "Okayyy awkward-" Gabriel tried to find back to his usual, unbothered self. "Can you at least tell me who that girl was who just shouted at me? I feel like I know her but I can't put my finger on it.." That was the wrong thing to say. "You don't remember her?" Dean growled and glared at him murderously. "Should I?" Gabe raised an eyebrow, more confused than scared. "Angel? The girl who lives with us in the bunker? The half nymph?" Sam tried to jolt his memory. Gabriel's eyes widened in shock: "That was her? That was my Angel?!" "She's not your Angel! And she never will be, not after what you put her through." Snapped Dean and stabbed him with his gaze. "What I put her through? I-I didn't do anything to her!" Gabriel exclaimed, truly shocked by the accusation.

Sam sighed: "You died. She never recovered from that. She didn't eat properly for weeks. She didn't go out. She cried every night. Gabriel, that girl loves you with every cell of her body and after she learned that you went to Monte Carlo to "shack up with porn stars".. well it hurt her almost worse than the fact that you let her in the dark about you being alive." Gabriel's head dropped to the ground. "I was just trying to protect her.." He looked up to the boys: "You have to believe me! I never meant to hurt her! I love her!" His eyes were desperate and the brothers knew he was telling the truth. "Alright." Sam finally sighed. "But you need to tell her that." He said with a serious face and unlocked the handcuffs that kept the archangel in check. "Woah- you're just gonna let him go?" Dean objected, not happy with his younger brother. Sam sighed. "Dean.." Dean just rolled his eyes and raised his hands: "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Go talk to her." Though it was clear that he wasn't exactly happy about that. Gabriel sighed in relief and stood up. "Thank you, I'll be back." He walked to the door and froze. "Uhm... Guys?" Sam and Dean looked at each other alerted and rushed to see what Gabriel had discovered. In front of the door lay a strand of my hair, a lollipop and a piece of paper saying 'catch me if you can'. "What the hell..?" Dean asked, looking at Gabriel for an explanation. Gabe sighed and picked up the lollipop. "Loki." He said with a dark look in his eyes. Sam looked at him horrified while Dean slammed him against the wall, furiously. "So you're saying that because of your stupid little revenge plans, a Norse god captured Angel?" "Dean, we don't have time for this! We have to get her back!" He said urgently and Dean reluctantly let the archangel go. "Okay, Gabriel, do you have any idea where Loki might be?" Asked Sam, trying to stay calm and focus.

You're probably wondering how I got into this situation, well, lemme tell ya. As you might remember I left the room after I was done shouting at Gabriel. I planned to go for a walk to cool off a little and to get a grip on my emotions, but then someone knocked me out with a baseball bat. (That was quite painful.) When I woke up again I was in a luxurious suite, apparently a penthouse, I looked around in confusion and noticed a guy standing by the window, his back turned to me. Apparently, he sensed that I was awake and turned to me, smiling, a lollipop in his hand. I gasped as I saw his face: "Gabriel?!" Then the rational part of my brain kicked in: "No you're not Gabriel, you are- are you Loki?" The dude looking like Gabriel smiled and nodded appreciatively: "Smart girl." I probably should be terrified, held captive by the god of mischief, but I was actually delighted, I always had a thing for Norse mythology.

"Amazing!" I exclaimed, causing Loki to raise his eyebrows, visible confused, apparently not the reaction he had expected. "Excuse me?" "Actually, I'm a fan." I grinned at him and spend the following minutes discussing Norse mythology with Loki, a dream come true. But suddenly we heard noises from outside the door and Loki sighed. "I'm afraid I might have to kill you soon, although I really do like you." I nodded solemnly: "You need to pressure Sam and Dean, eh?" I guessed. "That's okay, I understand." My reaction to someone telling me that they would kill me might seem a little odd but frankly, I didn't care if I would live or die, plus I was pretty sure that even Loki couldn't defeat Sam and Dean. "You sure are something, I understand why he likes you so much." The god murmured, watching me thoughtfully. "He?" I asked in confusion, but Loki didn't get to answer, as the door burst open and the Winchesters, lead by Gabriel, stormed into the room.

I was mildly surprised to see him, but then again, he wanted his revenge so it made sense. "Ahh Gabriel, glad you decided to show up," Loki exclaimed, greeting the archangel like an old friend. "And you brought your friends, how nice of you." He chuckled and eyed the Winchesters in amusement. "What do you want, Loki?" He growled, a wooden sword in his hand. The god's face turned hard and he pulled a knife, holding it to my throat. "I'm gonna see you suffer and then I will kill you." Now I was confused, why was he threatening Gabriel with my death? "Don't bother, Gabriel won't care about my death. You would piss of Sam and Dean tho, and believe me- you don't want that." I said calm and collected, not caring about the cold knife at my throat. I did not expect Gabriel's reaction to Loki's words tho: "Don't you fucking dare killing her!" He growled and took a step closer to us. "Ah-ah, be careful!" Loki said in a cheerful voice and increased the pressure on my throat, causing it to cut into my skin and I felt a small rinsal of blood running down my throat, Gabriel immediately froze, watching me with wide, anxious eyes.

Surprised I realized that he actually cared about me, at least enough to not want me dead. "You must know, that Gabriel here cares about you quite a lot," Loki said, his face close to my ear. He smirked at Gabriel and the Winchesters provocative. "He wouldn't shut up about you." I looked at Gabriel, eyes wide with disbelief. "He does?" Gabriel smiled at me weakly but didn't respond. "Oh yes, of course." Loki laughed delighted and stepped away from me again. He was about to say something but before he could he was attacked by Dean, who had sneaked up from behind. Then Gabriel appeared in front of him, stabbing the wooden sword into his heart before he could even react. Meanwhile, Sam freed me from the ropes that strapped me to the chair, then he hugged me tightly. After he released me, Dean pulled me into a hug, relieved I was still alive and well. "Alright let's go." He finally said and let me go. I nodded but looked down on Loki's body one last time. "I actually liked him." I sighed and left the room, following Sam and Dean. Gabriel followed after me and it took all my strength to not look back at him. I was really confused about what Loki had told me and how Gabriel behaved. What did all that mean?

Sam and Dean were waiting at the car and I was about to join them when Gabriel held me back. "Can I talk to you for a second?" He asked, with unusual seriousness. "Uh- sure." I nodded, not knowing how I should act in front of him. He pulled me out of Sam and Dean's sight and took a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry I left you. That I didn't tell you I'm alive. But I was- I was just trying to protect you! If Lucifer found out about my feelings for you, he would've hurt you to control me and I couldn't let that happen." He sighed and looked at me regretfully. "I thought of you all the time. Even with the porn stars when I did- uh.. things.. with them." I cringed, too much information. Then I sighed and looked up to him, about to say something but he was faster: "I love you Angel and I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe me!" He pleaded while I was caught off guard by his sincerity. "I- I believe you." I finally said and I could see him relax. "And I love you too," I added and realized it was true as soon as I said it. I could see Gabriel's eyes light up with joy and he leaned forward to kiss me when we heard someone clearing his throat in a very angry way. Simultaneously we turned around and saw Dean looking at us with his arms folded across his chest: "Are we ready to go?" He asked and then looked at Gabriel: "Are you coming?" Gabriel straightened himself and nodded: "Yes, I'm gonna help you safe the world. And your mum and Jack." "Great. Let's go." Was his only reaction. Then he took my arm and pulled me gently away from Gabriel and towards the car. The archangel just rolled his eyes at Dean and then followed us.

Nearly immediately after Gabriel sat down next to me I fell asleep against his shoulder, it was an exhausting day. When Dean noticed how close we were, he deliberately made a swerve, that caused me to glide away from Gabriel and now leaned against the window, still sleeping tho. "Dean-" Sam sighed and shook his head. Gabriel glared at Dean in annoyance but decided to let it go. Dean just grinned and drove steadily towards the bunker.

6 notes · View notes

trickster-archangel · 5 years

Text

On Jack and stolen Grace

I wouldn’t call this a meta. I definitely don’t have the skills anymore, after so many years.

No chances…it’s been more than 15 years ago since I ever had the chance to develop the skills I had obtained with my college studies…I read suche wonderful SPN metas, so inspiring, that I can only try and form my own opinion, guessings, and ideas, that’s all. Thanks to @itisa-profoundbond-sarandom and @mittensmorgul for the lovely chat...and for inspiring me. What do we know about "devoured" grace? Cas was not doing well: in both cases (Theo and Adina), the stolen grace ran out quickly, and even brought his life. In some way, the slightest residual of his personal grace collided with the stolen one causing a real rejection. The situation was solved when he was able to regain possession of his own grace, restoring balance and substantially "burning" the toxic grace - even if Cas never re-established 100% his Seraphim power (in spite of what was stated during the scene with Charlie in 10x18). Let's talk about Jack. Given that Jack is NOT an angel but a nephilim (aka the greatest cosmic mystery, aka a mess), Jack is not defined only by the human soul or only by angelic grace. Both Castiel and Gabriel, drained of their grace, didn’t bad as almost-human (they could never be completely human, they do not have a human soul and I do not believe it can develop ... simply, they have to wait for their grace to re-establish, and if there is still enough and / or have enough time, they can perhaps return Angels before the physical death of the vessel. My opinion), but they are certainly not sick and dying. In Rowena's words, Jack is the intimate union between the two components: if one of the two is missing, the body of a nephilim self-destructs itself. Endgame.Jack without grace is a human, but a human with a body that expels itself and reacts like towards an incompatible organ. What happens to a human who takes angelic grace? we do not know: but I doubt it will end well. For canon, we know that the angels, unlike the demons (memento Crowley vs Castiel during their attempt to find Sam and force him to expel Gadreel), need a consensus, a yes, to enter a human body .... Jack eats his uncle's archangelical grace, and what happens? He ends up dying. Accelerating the process. Now…What did we see in 14x14?Jack IS NOT FINE. And I think this goes on for a while one… we do not know what he did from 14X10 onwards, but as far as I know, he could have gone hunting and using his soul to save lives. It would be him... Jack is obsessed with the idea of doing the right thing. Obsessed with the idea that his power serves to do good and protect those he loves. Obsessed with the idea that this immense power was given to him to create Paradise on Earth ... in this he is very different from Lucifer and also from Michael: neither one dreams of bringing heaven to earth. They only want to purge everything and everyone. Jack is different. He is obsessed about his power: and nothing takes away that his illness is still a sign that he is using his soul to "come back to what he was". So, Jack becomes the chicken: he sacrifices the most important thing, his soul and therefore life, to destroy what he hates most: Michael. And at the same time, saves those whom he loves. Jack cannot tolerate the simple idea of losing Dean, or Sam, or Castiel. BUT. But Jack doesn’t die, burning his soul to exorcise Michael (sidenote: he exorcises him, he does not smite him... he saves Rowena, this is true, but here is a perfect mirror of Castiel, who has to kill Theo but chooses to devour his grace, and only after this cannibalism, he kills him: Castiel does not accept being human, Castiel WANTS to return himself, and Angel, and so Jack does). He doesn’t kill Michael, but exploits him for his own purposes: his last act is emblematic, because at the same time he kills and devours Michael, restoring Archangel grace, and coming back .... to what? Not a Nephilim: even if he had still a spark of soul, it is surely almost non-existent. In fact, Jack does not die, he is fine (so he says, but the first time he had lied, why then should now be sincere? Or maybe he is really persuaded) - but the fact is that he CANNOT ‘feel good’ .... losing his grace, his body was dying. By losing the soul and restoring grace, even if not his, what can possibly die?In addition, the parallels are always there: from chicken, Jack has become a snake, now ... inevitable to remember that the Snake is traditionally Lucifer. Also, Lucifer devouring Jack, and Jack devouring Michael, reminded me of Chronos devouring his children, because he was predicted that one of them will oust him .... needless to fight fate, because one escapes (Zeus) and just dethrones him. Chronos / Lucifer VS Zeus / Jack. Because even Lucifer has devoured, metaphorically, his son. And now it's Jack's turn to devour his father. Which would also close the circle of Ourobouros. Lucifer devours Jack, becomes the Evil n. 1 Michael confronts and defeats Lucifer, and becomes Evil n. 1 Jack confronts and defeats Michael, devours him .... and becomes Evil n. 1? Even not consciously. Even wishing to do something good. If Jack is Castiel's mirror ... let's remember the parable of the season 6. Where Castiel was trying to achieve the supreme Good but created the greatest devastation possible, exterminating his own family (concerning family...I AM THE SON OF LUCIFER, then I AM A HUNTER, and finally I AM A WINCHESTER ....) and almost the world. Parallel and mirrors .... as for Cain and Dean. If Jack is about to retrace Castiel's journey, perhaps he will follow the climax of his own words, describing his own belonging... First kill and devour the Father, Lucifer, taking back his own grace, and thus restoring the initial balance destroyed by the cannibalism of Lucifer. Then the Hunters? but who, then? Rowena, Charlie, Bobby, Mary? Only these ones are left... And we know that Rowena will die "because of" Sam - which does not mean that he will kill her, but that will be the cause of his death. And as far as we know, Rowena is the only one who's realizing what a mess they've done to bring Jack back. Maybe she will try to stop him? And then ... then the Winchesters. Castiel, Dean, Sam. Maybe too late they will realize the damage and the corruption of the good inside Jack. I see it this way. And we are totally disregarding the fact that there is a Heaven about to collapse, which had necessity (explicit words of Duma and Naomi) of Gabriel (we'll see him coming back?) or Jack. And also: Jack is the only one who knows about the deal with Empty ... and if Jack really has so much obsession about protecting those whom he loves, through his own power, we might have the fuse that will blow up his fragile balance. Remember that the poster of 14th season shows Jack physically turning his back to the Winchesters....Accidents do not happen accidentally ....

#spn 14x14 #jack winchester #nephilim #stolen grace #ouroboros

20 notes · View notes

a-heavenly-soldier · 5 years

Text

[Verses]

Between Reality And Madness | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Patient Jimmy (Castiel) Novak

Species: Former Angel/Human (Angel in a few cases)

Plot: Castiel never recovered after taking Sam’s wounds from the cage. He never helped the boys beat Dick. He stayed in the psych ward, and after Meg died, he ripped his own grace, and turned into human, causing to himself more damage. That made him more dangerous for himself and everyone else and easier to manipulate. He keeps hallucinating about the boys, and how much they hate him, along with Dick Roman and the Leviathans. He attempted to suicide multiple times, but he was prevented every single time.

Best Roleplay Partners: Meg Masters, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

Ask to roleplay in this verse

Fallen and Broken | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Castiel Winchester

Species: Former Angel/Human

Plot: Castiel felt that his grace started draining. He couldn’t find out why and he couldn’t find a way to stop it. When he was completely human anymore, he read in a book about Seraphims. It was written that the fallen one, would be a part of humanity and his grace would turn into a soul, because he reached the point of having human feelings as an angel. But what Castiel didn’t know was that Sam’s wounds from the cage would return because he didn’t have his grace to filter them anymore.

Best Roleplay Partners: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

Ask to roleplay in this verse

Omega!Castiel | Castiel Roleplay Verses

Name: Castiel (Cas) Novak

Species: Human Omega

Plot: Castiel was gone for years, captured in Heaven. When he returned to earth, all he could feel at start was confusion and pain. But as long as he waited for help, that much a beautiful sense grew stronger. Castiel couldn’t understand why he suddenly felt that warm and safe, but in the presence of the man, he could realize immediately that he was an Omega, and his friend was his Alpha.

Best Roleplay Partners: Alpha!Dean Winchester, Alpha!Sam Winchester.

Ask to roleplay in this verse

Enslaved and Terrified | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Castiel Novak

Species: Human

Seasons: After Season 7

Family: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

“I don’t remember what was like to be me… I don’t remember being happy… I don’t remember anything else than… That I should obey my commander or he… He will hurt my family… And… He will tear me to pieces… Please… Stop it… I don’t want to feel anymore… The pain, the terror… His smile, Naomi… Please stop it… I don’t know what’s real anymore… I am not okay…”

Supernatural Verse: After Raphael returned from his fake death, he dragged Castiel back to heaven to punish him for his crimes with the Leviathans. Years passed on earth when Castiel returned in a horrible and beaten up state, terrified. His punishment in Heaven required being Raphael’s personal slave. His pet. That broke him totally and after Raphael decided to let him go under his control, Castiel is back to earth, graceless, having totally forgotten how to be himself anymore or how to think the way he used to. It would take him long to recover after what he did in heaven in order to protect the boys.

Trigger Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Attempt to Suicide, PTSD, Seizures, Mental illness, Schizophrenia

Ask to roleplay in this verse

Losing Light - Blind!Castiel | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Castiel Novak

Species: Former Angel/Human

Family: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Gabriel, Jack

Seasons: Probably After 9

“I have been here for very long time… And suddenly… I can’t see all these miracles my father created… My whole life I was observing human’s incredible nature and now I have to accept that I won’t be able to see anything ever again? How can you say that I will get used to it? Would you?”

Supernatural Verse: Castiel, long human now, have been to a hunt with Sam and Dean. They had to go after an angel that was selling souls in hell, by stealing them from heaven. As they got him and Castiel tried to attack him, the angel, out of self-defense, lit his grace, and filled the whole room with light, blinding Castiel that was next to him. Castiel, fell to the floor as the angel disappeared, confused, with his eyes turned to white, and bleeding.

Trigger Warning: Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks

———

AU Verse: After a car accident, Castiel was carried to a hospital. His doctor called Naomi Sheppard failed to diagnose the real problem, and his brain surgery failed. Castiel woke up, unable to see anything. They informed him that there has been a mistake and that he wouldn’t be able to see ever again. Castiel felt like he had lost his freedom. He wouldn’t be independent anymore, and he didn’t know if he had anyone to take care of him. His older brother, his high school friends? He just knew that life would be much more difficult now and he had to move on or stay back and die.

Trigger Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Seizures

Ask me to roleplay in this verse

Breath Of Life | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Patient James (Castiel) Novak

Species: Former Angel/Human

Seasons: Probably season 9

Family: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Jack Kline, Bobby Singer, Gabriel, Charlie Bradbury, Mary Winchester, Claire Novak, Crowley.

“I wanted you all to know that… When I do picture myself happy… It’s with all of you. Right here. Not heaven, not anywhere. You are my home. And I don’t care how much time I have left. I love you.”

Supernatural Verse: Castiel’s grace faded and the angel had turned to a complete human. Months of training and hunting, Castiel was used to the hunter’s life, and living with Sam and Dean. Things were getting better for him, until he started feeling weaker as weeks passed. He started skipping meals, feeling sick, but everyone ignored the signs until the once soldier passed out during a vampire hunt. After being carried to the nearest hospital, the doctor told the boys that the patient James Novak was diagnosed as HIV positive years before Cas had possessed him and that Castiel was suffering from AIDS at the moment. The doctors gave him four months of life, until Cas’s system would totally break down.

Trigger warnings: Serious Illness, Depression

———

AU Verse: Castiel was coming from a small town. He had never met his parents and he was living with his alcoholic uncle since he was six years old. After leaving his home -mentally and physically abused for years- when he turned to sixteen he tried to be independent and started working as a barman to the city of Seattle. He made friendships with people with the same family background as him, and started trying their habits which included lots of alcohol and drugs. In a really young age he was diagnosed as HIV positive suffering from AIDS. All the support he had from his once ‘friends’ was gone and soon Castiel appreciated his life and the people that really cared for him.

Trigger Warnings: Flashback of Mental and Physical Abuse, Drug Usage, Suffering from Serious Illness, Depression, Suicidal thoughts and attempts in Cas’s childhood

Ask me to roleplay in this verse

Little Trouble | Deaged Castiel | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Castiel Novak

Age: 2-3 years old

Species: Fledging-Former Angel/Human

Seasons: Anyone

Family: Gabriel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Raphael, Michael, Lucifer, Hannah, Balthazar, Chuck.

“I uanna be fwee fom hewe, I uanna be out, look bees and have honey, but my bwothes, hates me, I have to do too?”

Supernatural Verse: Castiel had been to a hunt with Sam and Dean but the hunt didn’t end well. A witch saw the power Castiel had to destroy her and turned him to a small kid before running away. Sam and Dean ended up with a kid Cas to take care, which the worst was that he had all the memories of his normal self. So as they take care of Cas, they have to find a way to reverse the spell, even if the little angel has the best time in his whole life with the two boys.

Trigger Warnings: Flashbacks of a hurtful childhood and mindcontrol in heaven, bad spelling from a toddler?

Ask me to roleplay in this verse

Broken Mind, Broken Soul | Castiel Roleplay Verse

Name: Castiel Novak

Species: Human, Former Hunter

Seasons: Anyone

Family: Claire Novak (Daughter), Amelia Novak (Wife) (Dead)

“I told you, I am not insane! I am an angel of the Lord, I swear! I swear I am not insane! Call Sam and Dean, they will prove you that I am an angel, please let me go!”

Supernatural Verse: Castiel was raised by Bobby next to Sam and Dean. He was raised to be a hunter. His parents were hunters too, and had died when he was still a baby. Castiel was Sam’s and Dean’s best friend until their paths parted. Sam and Dean searched for their father and kept fighting the supernatural, while Castiel made his own family. He was still in contact with the Winchesters and helped them from time to time in their hunts. Castiel had a wonderful life, until the day that a demon broke into his house and killed his wife. Cas didn’t have the time to stop him, he could only save Claire. After that shock, Castiel lost his mind. He was convinced that he was an angel, that had fallen on earth and lost his memories of heaven. Castiel was convinced he had powers he could use for the greater good, and that put himself and his daughter in danger. Sam and Dean started taking care of Claire while they put Castiel to a mental institution, hoping the man would find himself again.

Trigger Warning: Mental Illness, Schizophrenia, Violence

Ask me to roleplay in this verse

MORE VERSES SOON

9 notes · View notes

wayward-idiots · 6 years

Text

Sometimes I yell into the void about things. This is the story I told in the tags of a post, about Jack Kline and Kevin Tran and two boys who didn’t much care for their birthrights, or becoming weapons, and how Kevin didn’t notice they were dating.

"Is that the Prophet?" Greg asks.

Greg's a pretty new demon and Val's already getting sick of looking at his dumb face. The demon mortality rate is finally settling back down now, after some concerning heights, but the downside is demons like Greg managed to live through the slaughter.

But Val looks and, holy shit, it's actually the Prophet.

It's Kevin Tran.

"And there are no Winchesters around," Greg adds.

Val's almost tempted to nab the kid. Sure, Crowley hasn't put out the word that he's interested in a pet prophet again, but someone's bound to be willing to give something in exchange for someone with that kind of power.

But.

"Don't say the name, moron."

"It's not like it summons them."

"It might." No one's quite sure about them.

"Who's that he's with?"

Val isn't sure. He's wearing a cardigan and talking expressively and he's definitely young, a trendy hairstyle and the curve of a boyish face is just visible as he gesticulates. But his back is to the demons, through the café windows. He's not one of them. His hair is neither long enough nor short enough, and he's much too small and young.

Whoever he is, he's got the Prophet's attention. They haven't been spotted yet.

Greg strolls – fucking strolls, he's not even good at lurking menacingly yet and he has the overconfidence of someone who needs to either have the power to back it up or the life squeezed out of him for playing at it – over to check out the Prophet's little friend.

Val follows.

Catches sight of the handsome, boyish face. He can't understand how he didn't see it before. The way his good mood rolls off him disguised the all-too-familiar power he exudes.

"Oh, no, nononono," says Val. "We're going. Let's go. Now, before he sees us—"

The Antichrist's eyes flicked over to them. The joy drains out of his face. The sunshine smile becomes a frown, and the Prophet looks up too, rapturous interest sliding away into confusion, briefly, and then hardening in recognition. They both stand up.

Val is still trying to remember how to make this useless meatsack move while so terrified that, if the meatsack had been alive, it might've actually regained control, when Greg, the absolute idiot, says, "Who?"

Greg is too new a demon to recognize that tugging, that innate loyalty, as reminiscent of the boy's father.

Lucifer himself had been even more magnetic, calling out to every demon in existence, but their Creator had been unmade before Greg's time – unmade by the very boy who is now leading the way out of the café with a jaunty little jingle of the bell on the door as he pushes it open and steps out to face them.

"Jack Kline," Val says, and considers that suicide would be a nice option right about now. That or lying prostrate at his feet. Maybe he could be persuaded not to tell his guardians to tell the King. Instead Val hunches low. "We, uh. Didn't mean to disturb you."

"What were you doing?" He asks. He mostly sounds curious, tinged with healthy suspicion, and more confusion than Val expected. His eyes are narrowed, but in confusion.

Val might actually live long enough to blame the whole thing on Greg when the King investigates.

The Prophet hovers just behind the Antichrist, wary.

"Making sure you weren't a Winchester."

"Oh," says the Antichrist. "I mean. My license does say Winchester. Jack Winchester Kline."

"They were trying to see if they could nab me," the Prophet says.

Accurately.

The narrow eyes become flinty.

Alarm bells are ringing in Val's head.

Hadn't the King put out some new order –

some warning –

"Don't interrupt date night! Oh god!"

"What?" Both the boys say.

"The King said not to interrupt your dates and we did, completely accidentally, our bad, we'll be leaving now, won't happen again, uh, Mr. Kline, Winchester, sir."

And Val slinks away, thinking Greg will either be sensible for once and do the cowardly thing, or become another demon-Winchester statistic.

Greg picks option A.

Val's a little proud. And will continue to be a little proud until it dawns that that means Greg will live to be annoying another day.

Go—Lu—Winchesters dammit.

Kevin shadows his eyes with his hand as he turns to Jack. "Did he just say Crowley ordered them not to bother us?"

"Will you feel better if I kill them anyway?"

Kevin gives this due consideration. He knows they were thinking about abducting him. But seeing Jack scared them off, and if word spreads that he's off limits because of Jack, it can only be a good thing. "Just scare 'em a little?"

"Okay," Jack shrugs. He turns back to the retreating demons, frowning, and in a moment his eyes flash gold. There's a distinct fizzle of answering power, and they vanish – Kevin's pretty sure both have been sent back to Hell, and the bodies returned wherever they came from, probably both dead, but at least they'll go back to their families for funerals and closure and all that completely fake bullshit.

"Your control is getting better," says Kevin, because thinking about all that will just make him want to open the can of worms that is trying to destroy all of Hell.

"It's easy when I'm angry," Jack admits.

Kevin glances at him. He's got a distinct little jaw-clench going. "Our coffee's getting cold," he says.

Jack brightens. "I can reheat it!" He likes the little non-violent, non-hellish things he can do with his powers, which is precisely why Kevin mentioned it. Gotta put that genius IQ to work, right?

It's not until they're sitting back down, rewarmed coffees in hand, that Kevin realizes, "Does that mean Crowley thinks we're dating?"

There's a pause. Jack swallows his mouthful of coffee. Stares at him. A little wide-eyed.

"Does that mean we're… not dating?" Jack asks.

Kevin stares at him.

And stares some more.

And drains his entire cup in one go and considers ordering an espresso shot because he might be on half-caf these days to avoid inflicting permanent damage with his caffeine intake after the near lethal amounts he ingested back in his fulltime tablet days.

And.

He hasn't dated since high school, which feels like lifetimes ago and can be measured in traumatic experiences in increments of ten. But also: how has he gotten to the point where he could wind up dating someone and not realize it?

Oh, god.

They've been to the movies, and not just in the home theater in the bunker. To the actual damn movies, without any of the others, even Charlie, who had winked at Kevin when they went to go see one separate from her and Dean nerding out. That had been two movies ago.

They have standing orders and usual booths and servers who recognize them and they went to the park to feed ducks special duck feeding food because bread was bad for them. Dean had denied this when Kevin opened the Amazon box, and then Sam had backed him up, and then Jack had been horrified humans ever gave ducks something so ill-suited to their digestive systems, and then Castiel backed him up, and Dean had spent an hour readjusting his worldview to accept that cartoons weren't always real. And then Sam had mentioned mice and cheese, rabbits and carrots, and then Kevin had brought up carrots and eyesight, and Dean had called them all nerds, and Jack had listened with absolute, angel-intense undivided attention as Kevin explained the history of British codebreaking and propaganda actually aimed at misleading the Germans. And then they'd gone to the park, like Kevin had planned a week in advance and ordered special duck food for.

Holy mother of –

Kevin's brain goes off into some seriously archaic, long-lost-to-human-memory languages to express the expletives he needed here.

And then he blinks, because Jack is starting to look crestfallen, and says, "I should really work on being a better boyfriend," he says, "'cause I didn't even notice."

"The ducks were nice," Jack defends his boyfriend abilities immediately.

Jack has powers. Jack knows what he means when he rubs his eyes and says "fuck Heaven" or "fuck destiny", Jack knows how it feels to worry about falling into the wrong hands, to be a weapon, to be terrified of what you are. Jack knows what it is to move past that and just become a person again. Albeit a weird one.

Kevin's dating his best friend.

And he hasn't even held his hand yet.

Kevin remedies that. Quickly.

Jack looks at him wonderingly as they hold hands a little awkwardly across the table, and the barista keeps smiling at them. Like seeing Kevin fumble for Jack's hand so suddenly and hastily made her entire freakin' week.

"I'm gonna take you to the zoo," Kevin says, thinking about the paper he wrote on the history of ethical zookeeping, and how excited Jack will be to hear about the progress humanity's made so quickly, and to look at the animals.

Jack smiles. "Can we go to one with penguins?"

#my content #who let me have a blog anyway #.txt #jackkevin #jack kline x kevin tran #the hot new rarepair #spnfic #aline writes spn fic

22 notes · View notes