#then since his dad is fucking dead and barely remembers him he tries to get adopted by his once betraying rival. a bisexual Herobrine who’s

[jjmaybanksgun]

Affection - JJ Maybank (Part 2)

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

Author’s note: here’s part 2 of this story after like forever. find part one here. enjoy and send requests if you want! (please note, they may take a while to write, but they’ll be in the works and published in due time!)

Warnings: cursing, fighting, jj being drunk, angstttt, mentions of l*ke maybank and abuse

———————————————————————

It had been three months since you’d left JJ at the chateau. Every time you see him in public, you make eye contact and immediately look away so he doesn’t get any ideas. 

JJ on the other hand could barely stop thinking about you. He always wanted to text you, call you, try to get you back, but he never was able to bring himself to do it. He didn’t want you thinking he was weak or vulnerable so you could use it to your advantage. He was always taught to keep himself at a distance so no one could take advantage of him. He always had to be in control. What was he if not strong? He remembered his dad’s beatings and how he would make his punches worse when he started crying, telling him to “man the hell up.” 

His thoughts ate away at him and he needed a way to get his mind off of it. The very solution came when he heard there was a party over at the beach. He forced himself up and went to where the party was.

Little did he know, you were there too. You didn’t see him as you talked to some other people at the party. He saw you and froze in place for a few seconds. He cleared his throat and decided to try and ignore you.

He eventually decided alcohol was the best distraction from you. That proves ineffective for him. He ends up just noticing you more. What catches his attention however, is when you start smiling and talking with a guy.

If looks could kill, the guy would be dead immediately. He glared at you both as you laughed and the guy started getting touchy with you. Before JJ could process it, before he could stop himself from doing something stupid, he was on top of the guy and landing many blows to his face.

“Don’t fucking touch her!” He slurs, his punches unrelenting. You immediately grabbed JJ by his shoulders and with effort, pulled him away from the guy who was now bleeding.

“JJ, what the fuck?!” You scolded as you took him away from the party and to somewhere quieter. “What the hell were you thinking?!”

JJ grunted and avoided your angry gaze as he tried to calm down. He eventually did look at you and his gaze immediately softened even when yours didn’t. He felt his eyes fill with tears. He tried to blink them back. Even when drunk, he didn’t want to be vulnerable. He inevitably failed and felt his knees buckle as he sobbed.

“I’m sorry… I’m so s-sorry… I’m a fucking idiot…” He cries, his arms coming up to hug your waist and burying his face into your shirt.

You were taken aback by his sudden show of emotions. You kneeled down to his level and took his face in your hands, making him look at you. 

“JJ, are you okay? What is going on?” You ask, concerned for him. You’d never seen him like this. Not even close. Now he was apologizing.

He averts his eyes away from yours. He looks anywhere except where you are. He can’t look at you.

“I’m so fucking stupid…” He whimpers. “I should’ve… I should’ve told you how much you meant to me… I should’ve hugged you and kissed you and given you all the love you deserve… But I was so fucking stupid… I am stupid…” 

You looked at him with saddened eyes. His cries were so raw, so genuine, it was hard not to hug him. But you figured you shouldn’t until you found out everything.

“You’re not stupid, JJ. Just tell me everything, okay?” You prompted. You wanted him to feel safe enough to talk to you.

He took a few ragged breaths before speaking. “I just… It was my dad… He never showed me anything like you did… He never hugged me or showed me any form of affection…” He explains. “When you did, I didn’t know how to show it back without being cold and distant like he does… I know that’s no excuse…” 

Your heart hurt when you realized it was his dad’s fault. You felt so much empathy for his situation that it was hard to be mad at him anymore. You slowly wrapped your arms around him and held him tight.

He tensed up at your touch for a moment before letting himself melt into it and reluctantly hugging you back.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“No, you’re not. Don’t ever think that.” You reassured him.

You two sat there for a while before eventually standing up and walking to the chateau to put JJ to bed. You walked inside and brought him to his room, laying him down on his bed. He groaned and curled up into the messed up sheets. 

You smiled softly as you watched him look somewhat at peace while he fell asleep. He looked up at you with those pretty blue eyes of his.

“Can you stay, please?” He asked, sounding like an innocent little boy.

You couldn’t resist that innocent stare and slowly climbed in next to him. You wrapped your arms around him and he did the same to you, kissing your forehead.

Fast forward a month, and you two officially started dating again. He still struggled to fully show you physical affection but he made more of an effort to try. And as long as you both understood each other, you were both happy.

#jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj x reader #jj obx #jj maybank angst #angst #obx fanfiction #obx #outer banks #outer banks x reader #outer banks jj

[peterman-spideyparker]

my tears ricochet (Matt Murdock x fem!Reader) 3/5

Author’s Note: Hi! This part is more angst, I’m sorry. I promise things will turn up eventually! I wouldn't put everyone through all this angst for nothing! Enjoy!

Summary: You're alive, but barely. Matt blames himself.

Warnings: Angst, unresolved feelings, canon-typical violence, vague wound descriptions/unconsciousness, friends arguing, post-season two/pre-Defenders era Matt, swearing

Other Characters: Foggy Nelson

Word Count: 1,193

Matt’s thankful for every beep on the monitor that he hears, but he can’t help but hate it. The robotic, cold monotone mocks him. It announces his shortcomings, his failures. He wasn’t strong enough, fast enough, good enough to save you or Elektra that night. Elektra’s dead, and the doctors aren’t exactly sure where you stand. You made it through surgery, a long surgery, but there was a lot of trauma and blood loss. A waiting game, they said. He’s always hated that phrase. Nothing attached to those words has ever been fun, only painful. And now it’s attached to you and your life. 

He remembers when he first met you at Columbia. You had walked by him in the hall, your pomegranate and honey shampoo catching his attention. When he went into his next class about a half hour later, you were there, second row to the front, just off center to the right. Matt’s feet led him to the open seat next to you, using his cane to push the guy with the expensive cologne away from the coveted free seat to your right. He gave you a small smile as he sat down, and he could tell you did the same, softly introducing yourself and making small talk until class began. It took you a while to tell him about your family and your background, and he could tell that you were nervous as you did, waiting for some kind of shoe to drop when you finished—maybe that you expected him to ask for money or if you could help him get a job somewhere. You didn’t expect him to appreciate you for you, only what you could potentially do for him. When he gave you a smile and cracked a joke, saying that he still wouldn’t let you pay for ice cream next time you guys walked through Central Park, you let out a little laugh. His heart skipped a beat when he heard that, how your posture relaxed, and when he sensed how you smiled back at him. After that, it was always you, him, and Foggy, and if Foggy wasn't around, Matt would manage to find his way to your side—it was a pace he never wanted to leave. A place that felt like home. Something he hadn’t really felt since his dad died.

But when Matt met Elektra, everything changed and he pushed you away. Part of Matt always thought you’d be there for him—you’re his friend through thick and thin, why wouldn’t you still be there for him? But when that relationship went up in flames and Matt needed refuge to lick his wounds and work through his feelings, you were long gone, tired of waiting for him to come around, hurt by the last person—the only person—that you thought you could really, truly trust. And now you’re here, barely hanging on because you re-entered his life at the wrong time.

He's a real fucking lucky charm, isn't he?

Matt leans back in the uncomfortable hospital chair, letting out a long breath as he lets a new wave of shame roll over him. Foggy puts a hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

“Two people I love are hurt because of me,” Matt croaks, hanging his head. “Elektra is dead, and (Y/N/N) is barely hanging on.”

“We’d be in worse trouble if you didn’t do any of what you did on the rooftop,” Foggy tries to console him. Matt’s still surprised he’s in the same room as him after how he has treated his best friend and partner. 

“I ruin everything I touch, huh?” He angrily wipes away a tear.

“Matt, this was beyond anything anyone could have imagined. It—.”

“It’s the best if I stay out of all your lives. That way, no one else gets hurt. I won’t let anyone else down.”

“Matt, don’t be obtuse, that’s ridiculous.”

“But it’d be effective.” He sniffles and stands, putting his glasses back on. “It’s the way it has to be. It’s the only way I can keep people safe.”

“So what’s gonna happen when (Y/N/N) wakes up and wants to talk to you? ‘Sorry, he’s ghosting everyone because he’s going full Batman broody.’ She’ll need you—you were with her that night, you’re the only person who knows what kind of trauma she went through—.”

“And that’s exactly why I should leave!” he snaps. “You heard the doctor—she barely had enough blood in her to keep her organs in salvageable when she got here, and the blade absolutely shredded her internally. It barely missed her spinal column. She could have been paralyzed if it was a half inch over. It’s better for everyone if I disappear. She doesn’t have to see me and remember anything from that rooftop or remember everything I’ve done to her.”

“You don’t think she’d think about that without seeing you? And what about when she sees her scars? What about when she needs to talk to someone, to have a shoulder to cry on, because everything from that night haunts her? Who’s she gonna call when she has nightmares? No one knows what she went through but her and you. You can’t leave her alone again.”

“I didn’t leave her the first time.”

“Bullshit. You left. You chose not to stay. You cut her out cold. You weren’t around to see it, but that’s when she changed. That’s when she closed herself off, started to do everything her parents wanted. That’s when she lost herself. It was heartbreaking to watch that, Matt, but you wouldn’t know, because even after Elektra, you didn’t care enough to rebuild that bridge and see the damage you did.”

Matt’s voice is cold and low when he speaks next: “You have no idea how much I cared.”

“You say you care, but you’re so ready to let her suffer alone.”

“You don’t have a goddamn right to say shit like that. She didn’t want to see me.”

“How do you know? Did you try?”

“Foggy—.”

“There was still half of the school year left for you to fix things. You didn’t even try to—.”

“We’re done talking about this.”

“Right. Walking away because it’s easier and because it didn’t go your way. God forbid you actually have to address your feelings!”

“Excuse me?”

“You couldn’t juggle school and Elektra, so you were ready to throw it all away. Hell, you almost did. This time, you couldn't juggle your job and Elektra, so you walked away from the people who needed and relied on you. Now, when that fell apart even further, you’re walking away from the consequences and once more, the people that need you most." Foggy scoffs, venom dripping from his words. "You know what? It is probably best that you’re not here when she wakes up, because if you’re not even the person I called my best friend for years, you’re sure as shit not who she loved in college.” Foggy grabs his things as he walks toward the door, leaving Matt alone with his consequences that weigh him down like cement bricks in the Hudson.

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[lovrre]

My Vampire boy ~

My Gif but scene pack from @kilzolga (on Instagram)

Eddie x fem reader

Pt2 here >>>

Warnings: cursing, masturbation, unprotected sex, smut and probably some others stuff.

Word Count: 2,476

Summary: When your best friend dies you realize just how much you really love him what happens when he comes back from the dead with fangs and a crazy amount of libido?

It’s been two days since the gates ripped Hawkins in two, you would think that would be the worst thing, It’s not. the worst thing is Eddie, after the demo bats tore his ass to shreds you forced Steve to carry him through the gate. You weren’t going to leave without him, dead or not he deserved far better. You remember the pain You felt. You and Dustin desperately trying to calm him with false promises of the future.

~~~~

“Nonono baby you’re gonna be ok you’re gonna make it” Eddie didn’t answer his eyes getting heavy and he was staring at the dark misty upside-down sky. “You’re gonna be fine Eddie,” Dustin says lip trembling. “Look look look at me baby,” you say grabbing Eddie's face with your hand blood smearing on his face in the process. His eyes looked more and more tired with each passing second. Dustin watched you his eyes filling up with tears. “Baby?” He whispers, smirking weakly and reaching his hand laying against your face you quietly hold it steady with your own.

“Yes baby, I’m sorry I made you wait so long, I’ve loved you since I met you, your humor your clothes everything ” Eddie musters up a smile and you smash your lips against his in fear that you won’t get another chance. It’s not a good kiss it’s sloppy, you taste the dirt blood and salty tears all merge Into one.

You pull away from the messy kiss and look at Eddie's now still body you can’t help but jerk back your body gose still before letting out broken sobs and laying your head on his chest frantically looking for a heartbeat. You knew there wouldn’t be one if anything you would’ve been surprised if you heard one but when you didn’t hear it your whole body felt like it shut down.

~~~

When you guys went back through the gate it seemed like everyone was so focused on doing other things their energy made it feel like burying Eddie was a chore. You Steve and Dustin dug his grave next to your late aunt's old Summer den hidden in the woods.

Dustin and Steve placed Eddie inside the not-so-shallow grave The whole experience was horrible. The way Eddie’s body flopped like a doll rather than himself. There wasn’t a drop of life in his body you couldn’t look at him without crying. What pissed you off the most was after everything that happened everyone was acting like nothing happened at all. Like Eddie didn’t sacrifice himself trying to save them. After The burial you Dustin and Steve had a little funeral. But Steve left quickly after taking Dustin with him.

You tried really hard to stay away from the cabin but your house was empty and painfully quiet. your foster dad wasn’t home meaning he was among the presumed dead. If he was you would Now be officially an orphan. You knew you should have felt stronger but you barely felt anything Numb to everything. Also, None of your “friends” came to check up on you not one since The burial. The worst part was you knew if Eddie was alive he would have. Packing a bag you filled with leftover food in the pantry and Some of Your Clothes and the bag of Eddie clothes you packed for he previously when he was hiding in the boat house.

The walk there was excruciatingly long but it didn't matter. all you wanted was to be near him,You sat down Next to the painted grave marker you and Dustin made that read “our hero”. You guys couldn’t personalize it too much for fear that somebody might find it and vandalize it.

You Slowly lay on the ground next to the grave.

“Eddie….I miss you so fucking much you don’t even understand” of course, there was no answer so you continued looking up at the sky. “I think my foster dad might be dead. The sheriffs say they found somebody but can’t identify them yet I know he was an asshole but..he didn't deserve to die. A part of me thinks this is some cruel ass joke you know… what are the odds I lose everyone I’ve ever cared about ” your lip quivers at the last sentence. “Never knew my dad, dead mom, dead aunt now dead best friend… oh and Dave is presumed dead so that’s.. that ” tears began falling down your cheek.

“I never got to give you a proper kiss like the one I promised, if we would have had just a little more time I would have given you that damn kiss and then some,” you say with a dry laugh.

“Really?” You hear a familiar voice before you even see him your eyes well up with tears.

You sit up so fast you think your gonna fall right back down. “E-Eddie,” you say breaths becoming unbelievably heavy standing there in front of you was Eddie before you can think any longer you run into his arm just squeezing him. “I’m going crazy aren’t I” you cry into his arm “nope,” he says smugly you look at him grabbing his face with both your hands and kissing him deeply he deepened the kiss holding your head back for more leverage this was what your fist time kiss him was supposed to be like not tears and blood. “Yes I am going crazy but it’s ok as long as I’m with you,” you say now crying again.

“No baby you’re not, I’m here,” he says tilting your head with his finger and wiping away one of your tears with your thumb. You take a closer look a realize Eddie looks a bit different. Big brown eyes don't look so innocent and doe-like but dark and husky almost red. “Eddie, is it really you…?” He pinches you on the cheek “Did you feel it” he says smiling you cry ten times harder “ya, ITS YOU ITS ACTUALLY YOU!” your heart is beating so hard and all you want to do is get in his skin… it’s an extreme but you don’t ever wanna be apart. “You died though…. Did I die am I dead too?” You say gripping Onto his arms “Nono you’re not dead”

You kiss him again.

Pulling away from the kiss Reality sets in “you gotta get inside” yanking Eddie by the collar you drag him inside the small cabin. Sitting down on the couch you ask Eddie some more questions. “You died, I watched how is this possible,” you say staring at him hard “maybe I wasn’t dead,” Eddie says leaning back on the couch and smiling. “No, you were dead your heart stopped and you were cold,” you say a small tear running down your cheek. “No more crying ok, I don’t what going on but I’m here and we’ll figure it out,” he says whipping away the tear “I’m here”

~~~~

Eddie -

It's been almost 2 hours of us on this couch just talking. she keeps asking how and why I’ve come from the dead and I keep giving her the same answer, I don’t know.

I do know why I’m back but I’m not gonna tell her right now. What if she thinks I’m a monster, I just wanna be with her a little longer and this vampire bat shit is making it real hard to stay calm around her. Not only do I want her bad in like all ways humanly possible, but there is the huger…the loud beating of her heart pumping hot blood into her veins I can control it tho, I will for her. Thoughtlessly you take your fingers and push the hair off her shoulders exposing her neck. Before you can get too caught up Y/N speaks you’re breaking your trance.

“I didn’t wanna say this earlier and ruin the moment but baby…you need to wash,” y/n says turning to me. “I like this baby thing we got going on, let’s keep it going,” you say leaning in for a kiss. Y/n accepts lightly pressing her lips against yours. “Now go wash…baby,” she says the last part seductively. “Will do ma’am,” you say jumping up and walking down the only hallway that led towards the bathroom.

~~~

In the shower, the water feels warm against your skin but you can’t stop thinking of y/n. Ya before the bats tore you up you wanted her like crazy but since you came back it’s like times ten you can’t look at her too long without thinking about being inside her. You feel yourself hardened at just the thought of it. slinking your hand down to your length and wrapping your hand around What’s the harm your already in here you thought to yourself.

You begin pumping yourself at A medium speed. Small moans leave your mouth here and there whispering her name.

~~~~

Y/N-

“Oh, I forgot to give him a towel” you quietly knock on the door nobody answer so you open the door right before you open your mouth to speak you hear Eddie’s moans. Of course, you don’t wanna be a creep but there’s a part of you that just can’t help but listen for a second. “E-Eddie I put your towel on the skink you say stuttering the first part

“hmm- oh thanks” he replies as if nothing happened. You turn to leave and he calls you over. “Can you hand me the towel?” “Ya sure,” you say hesitantly walking towards the shower curtain. Eddie rips back the curtains exposing his whole body.

You desperately try not to look down handing Eddie the towel he quickly wraps it around his waist. Now you were really looking at him you jumped back as your eyes Landed on his bright red ones. “Omg Eddie your eyes-“

“ya I know, sweet right?” he interrupts smiling hard exposing his adorable dimples and FANGS?!?! “EDDIE WHAT THE FUCK, YOUR TEETH!”

you shout jumping back.

“I look scary right, look Y/n I’m a vampire or a bat, something along those lines but besides all that I really really need you right now,” he says stepping out of the tub

“you need me?“ you say looking up at him.

“Mmh...bad,” he says wiping A piece of hair away with his free hand the other securing his towel around his waist. “Eddie this is serious, like really serious not only are you back from the dead but you’re a vampire?,” you say Seriously looking up at him. “It’s not that serious, I feel pretty much the same, except you know…the Uncontrollable need for you”

He says smiling ear to ear.

“Eddie as much as I would love this,” you say gesturing to the current situation You two were in. “We don’t know anything what if you bite me or something,” you say biting your lip unsure .“I won’t bite unless you want me to, can’t make any promises though,” he says giving another shit-eating grin.

“I’m guessing all this confidence is a perk of your”before you can finish your sentences his lips are on yours pushing you against the wet bathroom wall. You don’t fight it instantly leaning into his touching. The kiss wasn’t soft or sweet like the ones you shared before…no he was hungry. You couldn’t help but let out a moan as his hand traveled to the side of your face deepening the kiss. His body felt warm from the steam but his lips felt cool.

Without another thought, Eddie spoke through the kiss “jump” you instantly obey wrapping your legs around his waist. He blindly walks towards the living room “bedroom?” he says breaking the kiss. “The door on the left” you breathe out before smashing your lips against his again.

Eddie walks to the room throwing you on the bed before he puts his body back between your legs. “I need this,” he says tugging at the hem of your shirt. You lift up your arms and he slides off your shirt before his lips return to yours. Your lightly tug at the towel tightly wrapped around Eddie’s waist and it’s off in seconds. “Your turn” he whispers looking down at you. You quickly unbutton your pants and Eddie helps by pulling them all the way off and throwing them to the floor. “Better,” he says coming down to your neck to leave small kisses. “Eddie please” you whine squirming under him.

“God… I wanna take my time but I have eternity for that” with that Eddie throws off your underwear his lips ghosting over yours throughout The Whole motion. He grabs your left leg throwing it over his shoulder before lining himself up with your entrance. Wiping himself through your folds before slowly pushing himself in. “So fucking wettt” he moans entering you entirely. “I’ve been missing out…so fucking tight,” he says picking up the pace. “Mmh” you moan grabbing onto a nearby pillow. “I’m your first right?” Eddie knew he wasn’t technically I mean you told him about the situation with Brett where he only got the tip in before his mom bust in. “Eddie..”

“Nonono, I’m your fucking first ME! I’m your first, last, and anything in between., you’re mine ” His words make you clench around him. You liked this side of him a bit more aggressive and confident.

“No, say it” Eddie’s face Gose serious and he grabs your face to look at his while he’s thrusting. His eyes are deep red and his fangs are visible on his lip. “I’M YOURS! Always had been ”

You thought how fucking embarrassing you would feel in the morning for that.

~~~

Eddie—

I’ve died and went to heaven because This was a dream come true Y/N under me a blubbering mess of moans and groans as I fucked her senseless. I felt her walls begin to squeeze around me. “I’m so so close” she moans out scratching my back. “Me too” I take that as a hint to go harder. Until she’s shaking around me and I’m dumping myself into her. I can't help but to graze my fangs over her bare neck as we cum

“Fuckfuckfuck...”

~~~~

Laying in the small bed y/n twirls your hair between her fingers while looking at you. “I didn't know that situation with Brett bothered you so much,” she says giggling to herself. “I didn't know you even liked me that much” you look at her bewildered. How could she not tell, the thought of her and Brett in bed together had made Eddie so physically ill that he missed three days of school that week . “I thought I was being pretty obvious, I thought me saying

“I would have done it Better” was enough of a hint ,” you say looking down at her. “I thought you were joking”

“Not at all..”

#eddie munson x black reader #eddie munson x reader #vampire smut #stranger things season four #supernatural x reader #stranger things #vampire eddie munson #vampire Eddie Munson x reader #Eddie Munson vampire #eddie munson kas #Eddie Munson x fem reader #lovrre

[southangel]

Hello again! It's the anon from the Stan and Cartman younger sibling request :D

How would the relationship between siblings have been in the post-COVID timeline (the not-fixed one yet)? I mean, Cartman got better a little bit, so maybe the relationship between him and his sibling got better or worse haha.

Have a nice day or night! :D

Being Stan and Cartman’s Younger Sibling (Post-Coivd)

Warnings: mentions of drinking/drugs

Notes: Hi Anon!! Platonic relationships, gender-neutral. I have way too much free time.

Stan Marsh

Post-Covid Stan was definitely something.

Since we’re talking about the not-fixed timeline, he was the most screwed up version of himself.

After the farm incident and everything past that, it all just built up mentally which caused his moving away.

As much as Stan hates his family, his dad, you should be lucky he still even cares about you.

After everything, you’re the only one he really has left.. All of his friends were in an argument, his dad couldn’t be any worse, and half of his family members were dead.

So what does Stan do? He takes you with him, to live with him.

He doesn’t trust his dad with you, not after how he treated him all those years.

You were both so young when the pandemic happened, you didn’t really understand the extent of it all.

Stan tries to make the best of it, but he can barely make something of himself. He tries to make sure you can’t tell, but he knows you can.

As you both grow older, it hurts you to see your own brother losing himself to his old habits.

Life wasn’t a fairy tale anymore, you were being prepared for a fake reality, Stan made you realize that..

You couldn’t remember the last time Stan didn’t reek of whiskey, or even the last time he was fully sober.

It didn’t take you long to realize that Stan became what he hated most, Randy.

The more you get older, the more you start to understand, and the more you don’t want to..

Stan promised he would always be there for you, and he was, it just seemed fake.

Stan rarely talked to you, throwing random gifts or items in your face ever so often as compensation, as if he was trying to replace his lack of affection.

You knew what he was doing, and you weren’t a little kid anymore.

If you ever got married or found a love interest, you should he grateful to even consider he showed up at your wedding/party.

Stan still loves you, he’s just so mentally screwed up that he’s slowly screwing you up in the process as well.

He doesn’t mean it, he just needs help..

You wished it would all end, change at the very least, but Stan would never go back to that loving brother you once knew.

“Hey, can you tell Alexa to go fuck herself?”

Eric Cartman

Post-Covid Cartman was definitely an improvement when comparing him to his normal self.

He is definitely more carting and family oriented, considering how he now has a wife and kids.

Cartman still isn’t completely normal, but he’s definitely nicer towards you and his family, that’s the most his kindness really extends out to.

He sends you gifts from time to time, rarely, but also lets you visit him and his family.

Some of the things Cartman has taught you from time to time have actually stuck onto you, some more than others.

Those old habits and little things he taught you to do to be like him still appear in your everyday life, surprisingly he has dropped some of them himself.

He obviously still has parts of his old personality and habits, and that will never change.

I feel that Cartman would actually have you instead of Clyde going into the time machine to go and kill Kyle.

Yes, his hatred for Kyle will never die down, no matter the universe or timeline.

I mean, you’re still his younger sibling, that much isn’t going to change. Of course Cartman is still going to manipulate you into doing things without you realizing, he can’t just not do that to you.

Once you get married or find a love interest, he would surprisingly congratulate you on this turning point in your life.

It was one of the only times where you could actually tell that Cartman wasn’t going to switch up or have a mix of emotions, suddenly trying to sabotage you.

Cartman tells everyone that he’s changed, but he’s your brother, you know him.

Deep down, he’s still that manipulative, guilt tripping, passive aggressive, chili making maniac that you’ve known for your whole literal life.

Part of you wants to tell someone, but you would believe you now or even care when everyone’s on their own in a pandemic?

Eventually, you come to terms with the future and just accept Cartman.

Now that you’re older, you realize the extent of his actions that were blinded to you when younger.

You understand why he’s like this, and part of you even starts going to start blaming Liane for being such a pushover.

Then again, she probably just influenced his behavior by burning the flame more.

Cartman starts being more ‘caring’ in his terms as an adult, but why is he still taking care of you? He’s an adult, with his own family.

Either way, no matter what you do, it’s like Cartman tries to include himself in your life more to make up for those times in your childhood.

“Congrats on the marriage, they’re a little ugly though..”

#stan marsh x reader #eric cartman #eric cartman x reader #stan marsh #stan x reader #platonic #south park x y/n #south park #south park x reader

[igotanidea]

Becoming : Jason Todd x fem!reader

A/N : This is going to be a series. It's a cheshire!verse story showing origins and life of Y/N as the vigilante.

Some other parts are: Cheshire cat, That damn gala and Five years later, Tired and Benched. (not necessarily in that order though)

HOW IT ALL STARTED:

„Y/N?”

There she was. Young  girl, barely over 12 years old, broken, scared and shaking. Standing over her father’s grave still processing what happened when this strange, darkly dressed man approached her. She knew him. Of course she knew him. She was her father’s boss, named Bruce Wayne. The philanthropist. Even though her father did not talk much about his work and his employer she caught pieces of late night phone talks, raised voiced and occasionally fear in her father’s eyes when he picked up the phone and his gaze rested on her while listening to whoever was on the other side. Oh, and one thing she remembered particularly clear. One fateful night. There was no phone call, no warning, nothing when a bunch of assaulters stormed into her house, kicking down the doors. She clearly remembered the haze, the fear, the terror and the urgency with which her  father grabbed some of the latest Wayne Enterprises gadgets he was working on and attacked back yelling at her to get out the house and find Bruce Wayne, since apparently he was the one who could safe him. She was smart and small enough to sneak though the hallway, wriggling out of the hands that were trying to reach her and grab her dad’s phone, frantically searching for the right number.

“Pick up, pick up, please” she tried to charm the reality.

“Wayne Manor.” Soft voice coming from the speaker made her  calm down a bit.

“This is Y/n Y/L/N. We are in trouble. There are some men who are attacking us and … and we need Mr. Wayne’s help.” She spoke, her voice shaking.

“Y/N? As in Y/F/N daughter?” Of course Alfred knew who she was. Her father was the one of three people who knew about Batman’s real identity.

“Yes.” She sobbed “Please, help us.”

“Stay strong Y/N. Help is already on the way. Just… go and hide from them. Everything is going to be all right.”

“Y/N! Come on, kiddo, we have to run!” he father grabbed her hand and dragged her out to the car before she could answer.  However, before they could reach the car, one of the assaulters shot right through the hood destroying the engine.

“FUCK!” her father yelled desperately.

“There’s nowhere to hide now, Y/F/N.  Come on, we can make this easy. Just give us what we want.”

“I told you, it’s not here. And if even if it was then….”

“Then what? Hm? You wouldn’t give it willingly? How about I make you then? I’m sure you can be persuaded?” in a blink of an eye he reached for the little girl and put a big, strong hand on her throat. Poor girl. She was terrified.

“No! Y/N! Please, please let her go!”

“Then give me what I want.”

“It would be wise to listen to the man before you got yourself hurt.” Third voice came into the conversation getting the man’s attention.

“Oh, hello Bat. Took you long enough. Came to enjoy the show?” he smiled villainously and Y/N used his brief moment of distraction to bite his hand to the point it started bleeding and freed herself. “FUCK! You little bitch! I’m gonna kill you!”

And then Hell broke loose. Bullets were flying in different directions, punches were thrown and kicks were made.  After mere minutes it was all over.

“Y/N?” Bruce tackled the last opponent down and quickly turned to the girl “Are you all right? Are you…..?” Before he could finish he saw what the girl was silently looking at. Her father’s dead body in the pool of blood “No.”

“What…. What…..” the girl trembled, not a single tear falling from her eyes.

“Y/N.”

“Why? Why did they attack us? Is it because of you?!”

“Yes.” He had to admit it, waiting for the girl to start screaming, crying and throwing a temper tantrum. Fuck, she was 12 and just lost her only parent. He expected she would act like this. This would be pretty normal. HE would know since the same thing happened to him.

“Was it because he was helping you?!”

“Yes.” She sobbed desperately, but surprisingly still held herself together.

“He…. My dad….he always talked the best things about you….. How…. How you are trying to make Gotham a better place. How… how you fight for the good people. …. And…… and if he was helping you …. That means my dad was doing something good too, right?” her teary eyes fixed straight on his and Bruce shuddered. It was like she was looking straight into his soul, reaching for every emotion hidden so deep underneath. He saw himself in this little broken girl, who was also so freaking brave.

“Yes.”

“I am angry.” She said “I am so, so angry.”

“It’s normal.” How does he even speak to a child about her parent death?

“I want to hurt the people who did this.”

“They are already taken care of.”

“Will they suffer?”

“I’ll make sure of it.”

“Why is it like this?” she kept asking “why does the good people get hurt all the time? It’s so fucking unfair.” Bruce raised an eyebrow. He hated to admit it but it was both scary and admirable how she kept all the rage inside. Because he knew she was raging. He was. This was going to leave a scar and she would either become a sociopath in the future or…. Someone he could teach how to make a difference. 

“I….”

“My dad always said good people get hurt more often. I never understood it. Until now.  I do now. But…. Does it mean I have to be bad?”

“No.”

“So will I get hurt in the future?”

“Most probably.” She might have been the first child to be so …. mature.

“I don’t want to be bad….” She whispered looking down “he wouldn’t want it.”

“No. no, he wouldn’t. “ Bruce said in reverie “Y/N.” he turned towards her once again “I promise you, I’ll take care of you. You don’t…. have to be bad.

***

“Y/N?” Alfred voice made her come back to Earth and she took a deep breath shaking the memories of what happened barely a month ago. She was still waking up at night, reliving all of that. It was almost like a hindsight, her brain only catching up what happened after a while. But, she never cried. Not even a single time. Not when one day Bruce Wayne appeared on the steps on the orphanage she was put into with the intend to take her in and care for her. It was suspicious. Up to the moment when he took her to the manor and explained everything. She just stood there, in his office, nodding her head, without any sign of any emotion on her face. That was the first moment he got a bit alerted. It was pretty scary to see a kid so …. catatonic. Especially a girl. From Bruce’s limited knowledge on the matter, little girls were always the annoying, nosy, noisy ones. But not Y/n. At first, he got in touch with the best psychologist to asses if everything was all right with her and calmed down when all of them assured him it will pass. She was just processing this in her own way, but there wasn’t any risk of her going crazy. They also mentioned her high intelligence and unusually developed skills to get inside people’s head.  So, all he had to do was wait.

All the procedures, however could not be accelerated, even for the Bruce Wayne so a month passed since he could truly take a girl in. He had no idea how to work with her, but somewhere deep inside he knew they were similar and would find a way to make it work. Alfred prepared a dinner and a room for her and everyone was waiting for the limo to appear on the manor’s drive.

The only one who could not hide his excitement was Dick. He was sixteen at the time, quite in a bad place with Bruce and the thought of getting a sister, someone to mess around with was exhilarating. Of course, beforehand he had a fight about dragging another kid into the vigilante business, but all his shouting and fighting could not change a once made decision. So, instead he swore to himself, that whatever happened, he would always protect the girl. She was going  to be his family after all.

Much to his surprise, he did not see a little, fragile princess coming out of the car. He saw determined, calm and collected fighter and instantly knew they would become friends.

“You must be Y/n” he smiled at her and she lifted a corner of her mouth almost unnoticeably. “I’m Dick, it’s nice to meet you. Are you hungry? Alfred prepared something in the dining room , but we can sneak some out if you want.”

“Is your name really Dick?” she asked tilting her head, big calm eyes watching him carefully almost like she was trying to x-ray him.

“Richard, actually. But no one calls me that.” He laughed and smiled a bit more

“Well, then, nice to meet you too, Dick. Robin.”

“How do you….?

“Bruce told me everything. In fact he told me too much for comfort, but I guess that’s what my life will look like from now on.”

“And you are ok with it?” Dick eyes fixed on her face, assessing the honestly of what she was saying.

“did you get any choice when you came here?”

“No. Not really.”

“Exactly. From what I’ve learned Mr. Wayne….. Bruce…. Is not really the person you can talk things trough with.”

“At this point I don’t know if I should admire your calm or be worried about it.”

“I’m fine. Or at least I will be. There’s no need to stress out about me.”

“I’ll still be watching you though.” Dick smiled

“Good luck with that.”  She smirked “now, if your offer of sneaking out stands, I accept it. Is the rooftop available for the kids?” Y/N pointed up towards the little ledge

“You wanna find out? See who’s there first?”

And that was how it all started. Training, learning, night patrols.

The skills of mind playing that were her signature trail were a menace at the manor at times, especially when she was twisting Bruce’s words against him, but during the fights and missions they were heaven-send. With some internal help she learned how to use them to her (and her partners in crime) benefit and after a couple of months Bruce finally let her out on the night streets of Gotham. With Dick’s supervision of course. He also had a name for her, but she swiftly refused it, creating her own.

“Cheshire?” Bruce raised an eyebrow and Dick let out a laugh seeing him like this “like …. Like the cat?”

“I didn’t know you were familiar with Disney movies, Bruce.”

“I…. I don’t…..”

“Of course you don’t . But yes, it’s like the Alice in wonderland cat. The tricky one who makes everyone go crazy.”

“Damn if that does not fit her description, Bruce.” Dick grinned and she stuck her tongue at him “I think it has a nice ring to it.”

“I don’t see it working well in this family.”

“Why? If anything, it’s Dick that does not fit. “

“Wait, what?” her brother frowned, a bit confused

“It’s simple. Robin is a bird.  Bats are mammals and so are cats. Do the math, Dickie.”

“Um…..”

“Fine.  Have it your way.” Bruce muttered, not able to undermine the logic between her argument and started to walk out the cave

“Do I get to choose my own colors, too?”

“Absolutely not.”

She chose dark grey. Steel-like, like the cat’s claws.

For the first time since she came to the manor she showed a bit of excitement.

However she was not happy when she woke up next morning with whiskers impainted on her face.

“GRAYSON!”

#jason todd fanfiction #jason todd angst #jason todd imagine #jason todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd x fem!reader #jason todd x oc #jason todd x you #jason todd x y/n #red hood fanfiction #red hood imagine #red hood angst #red hood x reader #red hood x fem!reader #red hood #red hood x y/n #batboys x reader #angst #dc angst #batfam #batfamily x reader #batfamily #dick grayson #nightwing #robin #jason todd fluff #red hood fluff #bruce wayne #batman #batfam x reader

[shostakobitchh]

Chapter 56: virga

Remus was checking the Owlery when Snape found him. 

Moonlight streamed through the open slats of the tower, casting a net of shadows that played upon Remus’ face. He had been standing there, holding the moonlight in his hands, wondering how he’d allowed it to get this far — how wrong he was — how wrong they all had been, once — but now, it was only Remus, only him to remember, to know what had been, what it had become.  

The students had all been whispering amongst themselves — how did he get in, not with Professor Dumbledore here, nearly impossible. 

(Tell them tell them the truth)  

It was all — wrong. Even after all these years, after testimonies and the time that stretched between then and now, it had never felt right. None of them could have ever seen this — and Remus, the biggest coward of them all, still unable to stand up to his friends — 

(Tell them the truth) 

Friends who were dead. Friends who would have been sick to see the state of the girl they’d left behind, what dangers prowled around every corner for her. Friends who would have looked at him with disgust — Peter — all they found was his finger —  

(Tell them about —)  

No — 

(Something isn’t right something something something) 

Every second that ticked by was another minute he spent putting that poor girl in jeopardy. She’d been in his office only hours earlier, eyes so wide and unfamiliar but hungry for something Remus didn’t know how to give her, had never allowed to give himself, save for — 

You knew him, didn’t you — my dad —  

(about Padfoot tell them about Padfoot —) 

A bolt of gold hit the wall just beside Remus’ head as he turned. 

Snape’s presence seemed to curl into the space like fog. His eyes were chips of onyx, glinting with malice and a cold fury that made Remus' blood instantly turn to ice water. This wasn’t the Snape that Remus had known since returning to Hogwarts — this was — what James had provoked on a weekly basis — what they’d all expected to find on the battlefield, some day. 

Snivellus doesn’t deserve to lick my boots — that slimy Death Eater-wannabe —  

You don’t know that, Prongs 

I know enough — I see what he’s up to — see what filth he’s looking at — 

What’s it to you?  

You’ve no idea — you lot don’t know what’s coming —  

Remus barely had a moment to react, the sharp instinct to move barely registering before another flash of light, more violent and incisive than the last, seared the air where he had just been. He stumbled backward, his heart hammering against his ribcage. The owls about above their heads rustled their feathers peevishly, several pairs of yellow eyes glaring down at them in annoyance. 

The light that followed was a sickly green — not the Killing Curse — but something equally sinister, designed to incapacitate. It grazed Remus' shoulder as he dove behind a stack of crates filled with parchment and ink for the school’s owls. His arm went numb before it began to burn, as though a thousand hot needles were prickling at his skin.

"I know it was you —” Snape hissed, his voice as smooth and dangerous as a blade sliding from its sheath. “I fucking knew it —”  

“Severus —” Remus tried, wincing as the sensation spread to his shoulder. 

“Get up,” he swiped his wand at him, sparks shooting out from the tip. “Get up you pathetic dog —" 

"Severus, you've got it wrong —” Remus tried to reason, voice ragged but calm, even as his mind raced for a strategy. “This is madness —” 

The crates provided only meager cover as another spell whipped past, its crackling energy turning the wood to splinters. Remus wheezed, feeling the sting of debris against him. It paled in comparison as he dove out of the way once more, landing hard on his shoulder, the impact coupled with the numbness making for a very unpleasant sensation. A harsh gasp tore from his throat as he rolled onto his back, the pulsating pain making his vision swim. His breath came in short bursts. 

"Madness?" Snape's voice echoed through the room, a venomous sneer lacing each syllable. "I'll show you madness —”  

Remus pushed himself up on his good arm, pupils dilating as another spell screamed through the air towards him. Instinct kicked in and he Shielded himself with a hastily conjured Protego that shattered under the onslaught of Snape's attack.

The burnt smell of magic hung heavy in the air, mixing with sulfur and dust. It was a noxious combination that left Remus coughing, eyes watering from the stinging sensation. He struggled to rise, his injured shoulder screaming in protest. His gaze darted around in search of an escape — this was the Snape he’d been anticipating back in August — the one who had nearly taken off James’ ear, during Sixth Year. Violent and scathing and brutally relentless. 

“How did you do it?” Snape demanded, a manic, unsettling light in his eyes that made the numbness in Remus’ arm spread to his chest. “How –” 

Remus summoned the strength to stand upright. He knew he would only get one chance to explain. Any hesitation would cost him dearly. "I had absolutely nothing to do with Black getting into the castle tonight.”

It was the truth  

(Padfoot what about Padfoot) 

but it wasn’t 

(tell him take it from me take it out)  

Snape glared viciously at him, his face tight with fury before he roared out another spell. Remus countered with a second Protego , this time stronger than the last. The air shook with the impact, but his Shield held strong.

“Bull shit,” Snape snarled, that wildness spasming, his face white as bone. “You let him in — you said yourself that if the girl dug too much, she’d find Black. You were trying to silence her once and for all, you goddamn coward —”  

"I did no such thing," Remus said, his voice strained with desperation as he maintained his Shield. The magical barrier glowed faintly, dancing shadows across his face. "I — I swear on my magic —” 

Snape sneered, his eyes glinting dangerously under the flickering light. "Your magic," he spat, his voice dripping with contempt. "What good is your word when all your life, all you have ever done is lie?”  

Remus felt the sting of Snape's words more than he would have liked to admit. His Shield wavered, the once strong barrier flickering like an unstable flame in a harsh gale. In his mind’s eye, all he could see was the jagged, frantic tears in the Fat Lady’s Portrait, that those marks had been meant for a child.  

"That girl — Ariel," Remus began, his voice teetering dangerously close to something — something else. His next words were barely a whisper. “I could never.” 

"Oh, how noble of you,” Snape mocked, his voice echoing across the room. “The wolf pretending to play protector to the lamb. Is that what helps you sleep at night?”

"No," Remus said, feeling his blood cool in his veins, "but not a killer either. You — you have got it all wrong, Severus. Is that how you stomach it?” 

The accusation in Snape's eyes remained unclouded. If anything, it continued to build, fierce and untamed. He looked — unhinged. 

“You've got your mind so twisted up in conspiracy that you can't see the truth," Remus continued, his voice fierce now. "You're so eager to pin the blame on me that you're ignoring the real danger."

Snape sneered, pointing his wand right between Remus’ eyes. "And just what would that be?"

“If Black was cunning enough to escape Azkaban, you don't think he could get into Hogwarts?”

“You knew we’d all be at the Feast —” 

“It’s Halloween —” Remus said, and there was a quiet desperation in his voice he’d been very good at hiding, been able to shove down down down. “He would have known the castle would be deserted!” 

Maybe Sirius had thought it poetic — kill James’ daughter on the same night he had murdered her parents. Annihilate what remained of the family, darken the date once more. Maybe forever. 

Snape's sneer deepened. “He would never have been so brazen — not now —”  

"Would you put it past him?" Remus shot back, his voice steady, but something inside of him was coming, was beginning to break open, and he didn’t know if he was going to be able to put it away again. "He wasn't just cunning, Severus — he was daring. He always relished the thrill of a chase."

The room fell silent momentarily as Snape considered Remus' words, his gaze intense and unwavering. When he spoke, and his voice was so cold it seemed to freeze the air between them. "You don’t think I know that, wolf? I was your bait — or have you forgotten?”

That thing — Padfoot tell them the truth Padfoot — covered in layers of dust and dirt — buried so deep down down down that as it came into the light, it felt like an intrusion, heavy and unwanted. It had been discarded, for a reason, after all. He almost wished Snape would rip it from him, free him from this — 

But it had never been forgotten. How could he ever forget? 

“I remember — everything,” Remus said heavily. 

"Is that so?" Snape whispered. His black eyes were like two darkly polished stones, void of any discernible emotion, now. His wand twitched in his hand, and Remus eyed it cautiously. 

“There were — signs, perhaps,” Remus said, every word feeling like he was pulling a tooth. “I should have seen them for what they were. But we were too blinded by — friendship."

"Foolish," Snape sneered, his voice lashing out like a whip, keen and dangerous. "Or perhaps more fittingly, just weak-willed."

“You never stopped trying to convince Lily, though.”

The words left Remus’ mouth before he could truly contemplate them. Snape froze, like he’d be put in a Body Bind. Something in his eyes turned off completely. It was somehow worse than that manic, crazed light — if Snape disappeared inside himself, there was no way to anticipate what came next. 

Remus had known Snape had a thing for Lily — everyone had. Looking back on it, Remus had assumed Snape had grown out of it after she’d stopped speaking to him, sometime around Fifth Year, if he recalled correctly. It had driven James nearly to the brink of madness, watching the two of them parading around, Lily sending dark looks over her shoulder when Snape wasn’t looking — 

But this — this was something else. Snape's reaction, the sudden stillness in his posture and the blank look in his eyes — like his brain had completely clicked off but something else was keeping him held together — 

It had been a shot in the dark — using Lily to blindside him. It felt — wrong. 

(And did it have something to do with Ariel?) 

Whatever it was, it seemed to be the only way to deter Snape from engaging with him further. He didn’t even seem to be breathing anymore. 

“I — I was to be her godfather. They — they knew I couldn’t — with my condition —” Remus’ throat was burning, he was burning. “If something were to happen to them, they couldn’t risk it. So they asked Sirius, but Lily — she wanted me.” 

The words fell onto the floor between them, fragile and bloodied. Snape’s expression did not change. His black eyes were still, reflecting nothing but emptiness.

When he left without another word — without so much as a backwards glance or callous sneer — Remus collapsed, the numbness in his arm beginning to recede, replaced by a throbbing ache that seemed to reach down to his very marrow. 

He sat there, alone in the Owlery, listening to the echo of his own heartbeat as it pounded a staccato rhythm in his ears.

He did not move for a very, very long time. 

#aim and ignite #update #snape fic #Severus snape #snape #severitus #Harry Potter fanfiction #harry potter #hp fanfiction #Harry Potter fanfic #hp

[fanficfanattic]

Apples or poison or Tooting (and if none of these work, head). Please and thank you.

There wasn’t any toots or tooting. But!

🍎apples AND ☠️ poison were both in the same fic, so you get from the intro of the one to the outro of the other.

In this fic, Ted does go into the treatment room:

“I don’t even know what me favorite fucking fruit is, cause ten years ago he said some shit about only being allowed to eat apples. No reason given. Just the right shade of drunk that I couldn’t know if he’d remember it or not. And its not like he could tell what we ate at academy. Or in me own home once I had one.

But I still only eat fucking apples. Tried them all, I think. Can tell you which are favorites from that. Granny Smiths are not for me.”

He’d edged back from the rage in his voice when talking about his father. But that just meant he returned to ridiculing himself.

“Like I said, no reason to listen to a word he says. Particularly since I don’t much agree with ‘im bout anything. Once I started though, I’ve just never, never managed to stop.

‘Don’t pass, be the star, caring ‘bout people will hold ye back’.

It jus…he was happier with me when I did what he said, and happier meant a lot less hurting.

But it’s just…it’s just putting that hurt onto someone else? Isn’t it, Keeley?”

And she didn’t want to confirm it, because he was hurting right now and she still cared about him. Loved him in a way she could only do for him. But this is what she’d tried to tell him months ago. And it was the truth. So.

“Yeah, Jamie, that is what it is. I’m not gonna lie to you. But seeing that? Its good, its important.”

“I don’ wanna be like him. I don’t! I wanna be more like I were before all his stupid fucking rules. Fuck. Fuck me.”

“No! No, you’re not. Like him. You’ve done things he wanted you to do, that weren’t good to do. But you said 15 years, Jamie. You were a kid. And I’ve seen you at benefits and signings. You’re so fucking good with kids, babe. You’d never hurt one. Not ever.

And that’s because…people who abuse their family, it’s about control. But you aren’t fucked in the head enough to take that out on someone truly helpless. Even when you turned that hurt on to someone else. You were just trying to find a way for you to have some control back.”

“Not an excuse though.”

“No. But it’s a reason. Oh god, that’s the reason you never wanted me to come round when he was down?”

“Course. I wouldn’ta let him fucking near you, Keels. I don’t let him fucking near anyone, if I can help it. He can’t hospitalize mates if you stop having them.”

“…what? What did you just say, Jamie.”

His face had the dawning horror of someone who realized they’d said too much. Admitted to something they couldn’t take back. And she didn’t know if he was upset that he’d revealed he didn’t have friends. Or that his dad had spread his control out over so many more people.

“Hey, no, don’t need to answer that. God Jamie, I’m so sorry he ever showed back up in your life. Even at my most pissed at you, I’ve never wished anything bad on you.”

“It’s okay, Keels. I know. You’re dead brill. Best thing ever happened to me, honest, and I know I’m lucky we’re still…friends, yeah?”

“Of course, Jamie. We are friends. I don’t let any of my other exes come over to talk or crash my dates with Roy.”

And he honest to god let out the tiniest laugh at that. Just as quickly the quirk of his lips flattened out. He slumped back against the wall, energy fatigued, and went back to looking at the wall.

“Hey, you’re gonna be okay, babe. We’ll get it sorted, yeah?”

“You don’t have to help me sort shit, Keeley. Thanks though. I’m just so tired of it. Of being scared rather than a grown man. All I’ve ever wanted to do was play football, and it’s like he’s turned it into poison. He turns everything to it, sooner or later.”

There wasn’t anything to say to that, though, so she just put her hand back on his shoulder. He’d rested his own hand over hers, for barely a second, when he heard footsteps approaching the door. Heard them before anyone else did. These stood out, loud ones with anger in them he could tell, a skill developed from a childhood of listening for drunken footsteps as a warning system.

His reflexes, trained to be quicker and then quicker still, meant Jamie was already moving as the door slammed open. He pushed off the wall so he was on his knees, upright as possible, putting himself between Keeley and the door.

It wasn’t his father. It wasn’t his fucking da, just Ted and Beard, but his breathing was already sped up anyway. He barely felt Keeley put her hand back on his shoulder, but heard her say softly from behind him, “Hey, Ted.”

“Hey there, Keeley.” Ted responded to her first. Before turning to him. And an angry Ted had only ever yelled at him before, never once tried to hit him. But he hadn’t yelled at anyone else at all, and Jamie was used to being the exception to a lot of people’s rules. He couldn’t get his breathing under control. And he knew Keeley could tell. But she wasn’t scared of Ted. She’d told him that he could trust ‘em.

“Hey, kiddo. Good thinking sending Coach out to help. But I told you to get to the treatment room-”

“Oh. Fuck. Sorry. I didn’t…wasn’t tryin to-“

“Oh, hey, hey, it’s okay, Jamie. I’m not mad at you. I wasn’t trying to keep you from the team. But you’ve got to get checked for a concussion and we need to see if anythings broken.”

“What?”

“Think your nose bone might be broken, son.”

“Its not. Been broke before so I know how it feels. And it ain’t bone, the nose.”

“Well that’s true, it’s cartilage. But all the same I want a team doc to check you over. Can you do that for me?”

“I don’t understand you.”

“Your hear-“

“No, not that. It’s…you and Dani and Sam? You all just…I thought it were an act, yeah? You caring, and shit, bout everyone. Let alone me. Cause that’s not…that’s not how people are.”

And Lasso made a choked off sound, but didn’t interrupt, so he kept going. All this poison sitting under his skin, like he’d just told Keeley about? Had all this venom pouring out his mouth now. Was he purging it? Or using it as a defense. As an offense?

“I could easy spend a hundred years next to a Roy Kent. Know how to absorb anger, or let it fall off, know how to survive it. I don’t have any fucking idea what to do with…with…with niceness!”

“Surely people have been nice to you before, Jamie?”

“Plenty of folks. That all want something of you or from you. Sam a mentor. You a more biddable player.

Keeley’s the only new person I’ve trusted in…years.” She just started lightly rubbing the shoulder she’d been touching, didn’t pause or stumble.

“Cause she said exactly what she was willing to give and what she wanted in return. No tricks.

And she said…”

Ted’s eyes moved to hers, quick and fathomless, before focusing back on Jamie. He realized with an almost start that the boy was trembling. He wanted to put a hand on his other shoulder or pull him into a hug. But the sudden movement, with all this adrenaline and the obvious now, so stupid Ted, the PTSD he had…now wasn’t the time.

“What’d she say, Jamie?”

“That you weren’t playing games with me head. You meant it.”

“I did. I do. I care a lot about you, Jamie.”

“Why’d you send me away, then? Once I started finally listening to you?”

#jamie tartt #keeley jones #roy kent #ted lasso #afc richmond players #coach beard #willis beard #james tartt sr #abuse of an adult child #physical abuse

[mavia-anon]

Into The Shadows

(this one-shot is Overwatch inspired so for reference here is a character list:

Techno - Reaper

Wilbur - Widowmaker

Phil - Moira)

CW: kidnapping and mentions of being drugged.

Tommy's heard of Talon before. Of fucking course he has. Even if he wasn't the son of two Overwatch agents he would have heard of Talon.

It's hard not to when the terrorist organisation have made it obvious they want to start another Omnic war.

Though, since Tommy is the son of two Overwatch agents, his knowledge of Talon is deeper than most. He knows they sponsor Rammatra and Null Sector and he knew the Widowmaker when he was just the ballerina who taught Tommy a pirouette and not the deadly sniper assassin he is now.

So when Tommy wakes up, head pounding and neck stiff, he recognises the uniform of the guards hiding in the shadows of his dark cell almost instantly.

A cold sweat covers his body as he brings himself to his senses, trying to claw back his awareness that is dulled under whatever drug he's under. Desperately he tries to recall where he was before this, what happened before he got kidnapped.

Winston and the recall and--

A thick smoke fills the room, distracting him enough that he gives up trying to remember. Tommy watches in growing horror as the smoke gets thicker, coalescing into the shape of a man, getting thicker and darker until it is a tangible thing.

A man steps out of the smoke, dressed in heavy black combat gear, the red eyes peeking out behind his boar skull mask make him so terrifying that even his bubblegum pink hair doesn't dull Tommy's fear.

"It's good to finally meet you, Theseus Craft." The man hisses, his voice deep and almost ethereal as it echoes around him.

Tommy's breath bitches at the sound of his name. His real name. Not Tommy Innit, the code name the government gave him when Overwatch disbanded. Theseus Craft, his legal name given to him by parents he hasn't seen since the Swiss Headquarters exploded.

"Who are you?" Tommy manages to ask with a steady voice.

The man stalks around him at a slow pace, like a predator stalking prey-- no, not stalking. Tommy is already caught. This is a predator playing with its food.

"I am the Reaper."

As he says it, he dissolves into smoke, appearing again behind Tommy and grabbing him roughly by his shoulders, the claws of his gloves digging into his skin so hard he knows they're drawing blood.

"But you can call me Technoblade," he whispers lowly into Tommy's ear.

"Or brother." A new voice speaks up.

Tommy gasps, flinching in Technos grasp from the shock as he finally spots the new person in the room. He's tall and pale enough to be mistaken for a dead body, an almost blueish tint to his skin and yellow eyes that glow. Tommy recognises him. Barely.

Wilbur Soot used to be his friend. They would often be stuck on the same bases together as their families were busy on missions. Wilbur was kind to him, someone Tommy trusted dearly.

And then he got kidnapped by Talon and Tommy knew when he came back that he was different.

But no one listened to him until Wilbur's family was found dead and Wilbur himself had vanished again.

So shocked by the sight of his old friend in this living nightmare, Tommy didn't even register what Wilbur said, only coming back to reality as he feels Technos claws fall away.

The Reaper steps away, joining the Widowmaker's side and Tommy can only stare helplessly at them, hands tied behind his back and an unknown drug still in his system.

"What's going on?" He asks, barely hiding how his voice shakes and the tears in his eyes.

This time, when the door opens he hears it, sluggishly moving his eyes to look at the newcomer and immediately the little sanity he had is gone.

Standing tall in the doorway is his father. The dad he hasn't seen in six years suddenly back from the dead and...

Tommy wants to be mad. He wants to be furious and scream and curse and fight but...

Well, he's been alone for a long, long time now.

"Dad?" He asks quietly, almost scared that the sight before him will vanish like a mirage.

"It's so good to see you again, my son."

Philza's smile is wicked, there's nothing warm or comforting about it and yet the familiarity is all Tommy cares about.

#dark sbi #drabble #tommyinnit #technoblade #sbi fanfiction #wilbur soot #philza #inspired by Overwatch #my OW beainrot is real guys i need help

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Band Dad Ashton Masterlist

Bittersweet - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) Luke/Ashton T, 20k

Summary: It’s not growing older that scares Luke. It’s that everyone else will outgrow him before he catches up.

If I Could Fly (ao3) - no_clue_who T, 2k

Summary: Ashton had been traveling. Michael had been traveling. Calum had been traveling. Luke knew in the back of his mind that his friends' lives had more to them than just him. The world didn’t revolve around him and him feeling less than stellar when all of their vacations accidentally lined up and he was alone.

And Luke was alone at home, his brain attacking him at every turn. He couldn’t look into a mirror or at the slowly growing pile of clothes on his bedroom floor, he barely dragged himself out of bed and when he finally did, he would forget to put any food or water into his body.

or Luke is feeling so much and nothing at all.

Lightweight - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) T, 5k

Summary: Rule #1 of a night out; you don’t turn your back on drunk Luke Hemmings. You don’t do it.

Ashton swears he only turned his back for a second.

Lukey Boy - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) T, 4k

Summary: Ashton brings Luke to Craft Club.

mirrorball (ao3) - no_clue_who T, 1k

Summary: The zoom call was less than ideal. They had been told that the tour was going to be pushed back, this summer is too soon for everything to be cleared out and safe. Ashton knew that they were all upset at what happened, Calum and Michael both hung up the second they could to cement how upset they were. Luke hadn’t said a word since they got told about the postponement, just sitting there in silence.

Rockstar - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) Ashton/OMC T, 5k

Summary: “I’m gonna buy you a drink.”

Ashton mumbles, his cheeks feeling hot and his body feeling lost, “Just one.”

And it really is just the one.

It’s just one drink.

sand falling through my fingers (ao3) - deserteyes Michael/Luke, Calum/Ashton G, 669

Summary: Ashton does some thinking while filming the Complete Mess music video.

Tailspin - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) T, 5k

Summary: He’s not even sad. He’s just tired. And drunk. And lonely.

the fallout (ao3) - sunshineash Calum/Ashton T, 27k

Summary: The second Ashton saw the gun being pulled from the inside of a trench coat, he tried to run and tackle the kid to the ground, but it’d been too late. He was staring down the barrel of an unforgiving assault rifle and bullets were spiraling towards him before he even had the chance to scream for it to just stop. He remembers them tearing though his flesh, such unbelievable agony making a throat-ripping scream tear from his lips. He remembers the blood seeping through his shirt as he fell to the ground and feeling guilty because ‘fuck, this is Calum’s shirt. He’ll kill me for ruining it.’ But, then, the thought set in that Calum couldn’t kill him for it, because he’d already be dead.

or —

calum takes care of ashton after he’s been in a shooting

this is me trying (ao3) - no_clue_who M, 4k

Summary: He heard a soft knock on his door and then another flash of lighting. There's another knock, a little louder, and another clap of thunder. Ashton moved towards the front door and heard something before he opened the door, twisting the doorknob and opening it.

Luke was standing on his doorstep, slowly getting drenched with Petunia’s leash in his hands.

“Luke?”

“I’m,” was all Luke could get out before another clap of thunder rang out above and made Luke flitch.

Torn Up - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) T, 8k

Summary: Ashton can pretend all he wants, but Michael isn't an idiot; he knows when something's wrong.

would you bail me out if i needed? (ao3) - bellawritess Michael/Ashton T, 1k

Summary: “They’re where?”

“In jail,” Calum sighs.

#5sosfanfictioncatalogue #5sos fanfic #5sos #ashton irwin #banddad!ashton #banddad!ashton masterlist #masterlists

[magicalqueennightmare]

Sins & Amends Chapter 53

Billy Russo x Female Reader (60 part story)

This follows pre- the punisher into the storyline of daredevil, punisher season 1 and beyond

This is NOT Canon Billy. This is decent human being Billy left with bad options over worse decisions

This was also posted to A03 under: WaywardGaPeach. That account and this one is the only place you'll see me post this. If you see it on any other platform/account know it's not me.

Chapter Summary/Warnings: Frank comes to your side when you call him to tell him what happened to Billy

Frank hadn't been asleep but about an hour or two when his phone started ringing. "Get it before it wakes Adi up!" He heard from Karen's side of the bed in a whisper. He grabbed the phone as he sat up not bothering to look at the number "Hello?" He was met with silence on the other end and started to hang up before he heard someone take a shuddering breath "Frank?" At the sound of your voice he was fully awake. Something was wrong. You sounded like you were in shock.

"Y/N?" He called your name and saw Karen sit up out the corner of his eye and look at him curiously but at the moment his attention was on you. "Can you please come to me? I need you" "Yeah of course. Where are you at? What's going on?" 

He was already up and pulling boots onto his feet before you told him what hospital you were at "Alex Moore got out Frank. He found me. He..he tried to kill me. He would've killed me but Billy protected me. Now he's in surgery and.. I don't know if he's gonna make it" 

"God dammit how the hell did that asshole even get out? I'll be there as soon as I can. Just hold tight and call me if there's any changes" "Frank I can't do this" he closed his eyes at how broken you sounded.

Fuck, in all the time he'd known you even at the worst moments you always tried to hold it together for everyone around you and he hadn't heard you sound so defeated since the two of you got into that argument when you first found out you were pregnant and he found you at Maria's grave. "Sweetheart I will be there in a few minutes" "Ok" was the last thing you said before the line went dead.

He stared at the phone for a minute before glancing back at Karen then tilting his head towards the living room. She nodded then climbed out the bed, careful not to wake Adi as she walked past the toddler bed.

------------

He followed her out and pulled the bedroom door almost shut before saying "I've got to go to the emergency room. Y/N needs me" "What happened? Is she ok?" The concern and worry were plain in Karen's voice when she spoke. 

He nodded then said "She's ok but you remember Moore?" "The asshole that attacked her and Alice? How could I forget?" Karen's jaw had tightened at the mere mention. 

He could feel the tension in his shoulders and realized his trigger finger was absentmindedly tapping his thigh while he talked. He knew flashes of that night were going through both of their heads. "Yeah well he got out. Apparently came looking to finish the job but didn't exactly take Bill into account. He got shot protecting her. She said he's in surgery and she doesn't know if he's gonna make it"

Karen glanced back towards the bedroom and he could see her worrying her bottom lip between her teeth before she ran a hand through her hair to push it back from her face "What do I tell Adi? She's gonna ask for one or both of them after she gets up" 

Frank let out a breath trying to think of what to tell his niece. She was still so young and now facing this "Tell her bare minimum. Her dad got hurt so her mom took him to the hospital. I went to be with them both" 

Karen nodded then pulled him into a hug "Let me know if you need me. Take care of her Frank" "I will. I love you Kare. Take care of little bit" he leaned his forehead against hers for a moment trying to get his head on straight. She nodded then closed the space between them to press a gentle kiss to his lips "I love you too"

Working together you and Riley had managed to get Billy's heart back beating before you made it to the hospital but he was still losing a lot of blood internally. 

You were stopped at the entrance to the operating room by a couple of the nurses who'd known you for years "Y/N you know you can't go back" you snatched away from them and Riley alike. You knew they were trying to offer comfort but you didn't want it. You didn't deserve it.

Someone else you loved had once again caught a bullet that had your name on it. You were fucking poison. How the hell could you protect your child from the world when it seemed as if merely being around you would be the biggest threat to her?

-----------

You paced the hallway outside the double doors until the adrenaline started to leave your body and the crash that came along with that forced you to collapse into a chair. Your clothes, hands and face had blood smeared across them. Around your nails the blood had started to dry and was flaking off in red chunks.

You couldn't stop hearing the gunshot, seeing the way Billy had crumpled but only after he'd made sure you were ok. You closed your eyes to stop the flow of tears but that only made more images flash across through your mind. 

Maria and the kids in their caskets, Frank bloody and half dead after that fight alongside Gunner. Curtis bloody and beaten from Lewis, Karen terrorised by Wilson Fisk. It was too much. You'd lost half your family in one day and had fought like hell to keep the rest of them in one piece and now the man you loved, the man who'd put so much on the line to keep you safe might very well end up dying.

What the hell were you gonna tell Adi? It seemed like she'd just met him and now to lose him? You bought your hands up to your face trying to will the images out your mind. You couldn't even cry and you knew that was worse than if you were sobbing. 

---------------

You didn't know how long you'd been sitting there digging through your jacket pockets before you finally found your phone. Your hands were shaking as you hit Frank's number. You weren't sure what to say but you needed him. You couldn't do this alone.

You were still staring blankly at your phone when Frank found you. You hadn't noticed his presence so he took a moment to take stock of whether or not you had any injuries.

Although you were covered in blood it didn't appear to be yours. He knew that look anywhere though. You were so lost in your own mind you needed someone to pull you out. He'd been there before and you had been the one to pull him out so he owed you.

He walked up trying to make as much noise as he could so he wouldn't startle you but when he touched your shoulder you jumped defensively until you realized it was him then the facade crumpled as you stepped into his arms "Frank it's bad. It's all my fault" 

He froze and held you out at arm's length so he could lean down enough to look you in the eye. There was blood smeared on the side of your face and your eyes were red from crying but he could see that stubbornness you'd always had under it all. 

You were going to try to blame yourself for this and he'd be damned before he let you "You didn't shoot him so it's not your fault. It's that damn junkie's fault. I should've killed him instead of letting them lock him up" 

You sniffled twice and he knew you were holding back tears when you shook your head "Frank don't you see? Maria, the kids. Those bullets had my name on them. Rawlins lied to Billy but I still should've been the one to die that day. Now this. he didn't even know who Billy was. He shot him because he was protecting me. I'm fucking poison. Who else is gonna be next? You? Karen? God forbid if something happened to Adi. I can't do this Frank. I can't keep hurting people I love"

God dammit he'd never wanted to shake you as bad as he did right then. His grip tightened on your arms just enough to get your attention and once he was sure he had it he said "Listen to me and listen to me good Y/N. Maria and the kids died because Rawlins was an evil son of a bitch who got what he deserved. Bill got shot because he fucking loves you and when you love someone it's instinct to protect them. None of this is your fault. You're not poison or any other bullshit you believe. Hell you've patched a lot of us up. You put us back together. I know this is hard but I also know you've got that damn stubborn streak a mile wide and can put your mind to anything right?"

You nodded after a moment so he loosened his grip but stayed where he could look you in the eyes "He's a stubborn asshole. I've known him for even longer than you have. Me and him have been through hell together and have put each other through our fair share. One thing I know? He loves you and Adi and this isn't enough to keep him from you. Now put it in your mind he's gonna pull through ok?"

"Ok" your voice sounded a little steadier so he nodded and moved his hand to your lower back "Now let's see if I can get you some scrubs or something so you can get cleaned up and out these bloody clothes"

One of the nurses had gotten you a pair of scrubs and even offered to let you use the nurse's shower after she checked your vitals at Frank's insistence.

Frank told you he'd hang around the operating room so if anyone did come out while you were getting cleaned up. You'd hesitantly agreed because while you desperately wanted to check on Billy you couldn't stand knowing it was his blood drying all over you.

After standing under the hot water long enough you felt like you'd taken a layer of skin off you climbed out and dried off then deposited the towel into the bin that was in the corner of the room. 

Once you were dressed in the scrubs you pulled your shoes back on complete with the hospital socks you'd been given along with the scrubs then gathered your bloody clothes in the personal belonging bag you'd been given and went in search of Frank.

-------------------

When you walked out into the hall you ran smack into Frank's chest with a grunt from him and a gasp of surprise from you but luckily he managed to grab you before you fell.

"Frank what's going on?" You asked feeling your stomach knot up worse than it already was but he shook his head "Nothing bad sweetheart. I found a doctor that apparently isn't sure if he's a fan of me or just scared shitless. Either way I got him to check on Bill. Surgery is going good. The bullet missed his organs but nicked an artery. They're closing up and should have him a room in ICU in about an hour" 

You let out a breath "Are they hopeful for recovery?" He nodded "Yup sounds like he was pretty damn lucky he had a paramedic right there the moment he hit the ground" you let out a watery laugh "You're saying that to make me feel better" 

Frank shook his head and motioned back down the hall "I can find him again if you don't believe me. Doc said the reason he's gonna make it is because of you. So wanna talk again about you being poison? Looks to me like you once again saved one of the men in your life" you threw your arms around Frank's neck in a hug he gently returned.

When you pulled away he glanced at his watch "I'm gonna text Karen. When Adi wakes up what do you want her told?" You ran a hand down your face before agreeing with what Frank had already said "bare minimum. He's hurt. Me and you are here to check on him. I can't let her see him post surgery. He's got to be alert before she sees him" 

Frank nodded then said "Who knows by the time little bit gets to going good he might already be awake" "That's got to be the first bit of optimism I've ever heard from you Frank" you said with a half laugh and he shrugged "For Adi? I'll be a bit optimistic" then started to text Karen.

------------------

You and Frank were sitting together right outside the doors of the operating rooms fending calls and texts from everyone from Alice to Sam and everyone in between.

They'd heard one way or another and wanted to see what was going on. Alex had died in surgery. Billy tore his jugular beyond repair when he'd stabbed him and that little piece of information had given you a little peace knowing he was finally dead. He couldn't hurt no one else.

You'd just hung up with Matt and Frank with Curtis when Doctor Morales the surgeon who worked on Billy came walking out and headed towards where the two of you sat. "Are you Mr Russo's family?" 

"Yes sir. This is his fiance and I'm basically her brother" Frank answered before you had a chance so Doctor Morales nodded then went into explanation of what they'd done to Billy. "He'll be healing for a few weeks but all in all he should count his lucky stars you were there. Had you not reacted so quickly with your training he wouldn't have made it. As soon as we get him settled in a room I'll send a nurse to escort the two of you" 

You and Frank both thanked him then after he walked away Frank patted your shoulder "He's gonna be fine" you nodded then nearly whispered "I'll believe it when he wakes up" you'd seen too many cases where the doctors thought everything was fine then some unforeseen complication would occur. He had to wake up for you to feel better.

@intothesoul

@weallhaveadestiny

#au billy russo #billy russo x you #billy russo fanfic #billy russo x reader #the boys fanfic #sins and amends masterlist

[biillys]

thinking about max and her having dark thoughts about billy and living with the guilt of it all when the worst truly did happen to him. 

like it wasn’t her fault and it’s never gonna be her fault but that doesn’t mean it isn’t gonna weigh on her specifically, especially those nights when she can’t sleep or when she has to catch the bus to school instead of getting driven or when she has to make herself dinner becos her mum’s never home now. 

and there’s probably always gonna be a little voice inside her head telling her she got exactly what she wished for. 

that maybe if she was a better sister, maybe if she cared more, maybe if she had done literally anything differently - maybe things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did. maybe billy would’ve survived, maybe he would’ve never been dragged into the mess in the first place.

but none of that happened, and instead he’s dead, and barely anyone even remembers his name, let alone mentions it. 

but then also thinking about how billy probably had similar dark thoughts about max, not necessarily in that context, but like. 

sometimes, on the shitty days, when he was fucking over it; wishing that his dad would just have a go at her, the actual problem, instead of him.

that maybe, instead of pushing him around for bringing her home late - pushing her around instead for being the actual reason they were late. he’s not asking for a fucking hospital visit, but maybe just something to make her fucking understand. 

he knows life isn’t fair, and complaining about it will get him nowhere - but god, sometimes the way she can do no wrong and the way he can only do wrong makes him wanna scream.

and when it finally happens, when he finally comes home one day to a subdued max and a tense neil, he wants to feel relieved. wants to be happy that it's finally both of them getting the full neil treatment, not just him. but instead he just feels guilty, like absolute fucking shit.

he tries to get her to talk to him, to give him a clue on what went down, but she's having none of it. pairs the bruise on her cheek with a miserable mood but doesn't complain once. does the dishes without being told and puts the garbage out even though that's usually billy's job.

billy doesn't sleep that night all. loses his appetite every time he see's the mark on her face.

the 2nd time it happens, billy's there to witness it. doesn't even realise anythings about to happen til it's too late. didn't realise his dad, who's let max run wild with her friends since the second the got to hawkins, all of a sudden has a real stick up his ass about max going out with them. turns out, she didn't either; she completely brushes neil off and gets ready to walk out the door before neil's voice rings out, stopping her in her tracks. billy knows the tone well, it's rooted billy to the spot, paralysed with dread and anger, more times than he can count.

max is at least smart enough to turn around and listen, which billy considers a win. she doesn't fight back like billy thought she would. was worried she would. hoped she would. instead, she let's neil have his shitty dad monologue, before she goes to push past him to hide out in her room. neil grabs her by the arm before she can get far, asks her if she understands. makes sure she verbally repeats the words to him before he lets her go.

if billy wasn't such a shitty excuse of an older brother, he could've stopped that. could've stepped in between, gotten himself involved, protected her.

but there's a phantom pain across his face, and flashing memories of his mom yelling at neil to let him go, holding up some frozen peas to his nose, telling him to stop involving himself when his dad gets like this, to keep himself safe, save himself.

and he knows this isn't the same, that he's the oldest now, the one meant to protect; but his own protector fucking left, and his idea of being a hero is messed up, and max is a big fucking kid that doesn't need her battles fought for her. max should know by now to listen to neil the first time, instead of brushing him off.

billy walks away.

(he never gets a chance to step in the third time.)

#was thinkin bout this at like 3am the other night and was like ill totally remember that! i dont need to write it down now! #anyway by the time morning came i forgot where i went with it #so this isn't completely like. the vibe. #but whatever. #anyway basically its the way both of them were stuck in this messy excuse of a patchwork family #and both of them constantly saw each other at their worst #and therefore couldn't help but think of each other in the worst light #becos they couldnt be a team in that house! they never had that option!!! #it was every man for himself in that place!!! which is exactly how neil wanted it!!!! #and maybe if they both made it to their 20s!!! hell!! their 30s!!! maybe then they could look back #ans be like! hey! shit was truly fucked! everything about our childhood and teen years were fucked!!! #but billy will forever be stuck at the tender age of 18 #and max will have to continue to age and grow without him #and theyll never get a chance to grow and heal together. to know each others real feelings towards everything that happened #with an adult perspective and not just an angry hurt childs point of view. so. #shits fucked. #m #nqff #at its core it's about the fact that any chance they had was taken from them and theyll never get a chance again. #im sick of this in my drafts so have it even tho its. missing something. idk what but it is.

[semper-legens]

151. Dear Child, by Romy Hausmann

Owned?: No, library Page count: 343 My summary: Lena sits in a shack in the woods, her two children at her knee, her captor’s voice ringing in her ears. His rules are strict, and must be adhered to. She wants to escape - and one day, she gets her chance, fleeing into the night with one of the children. But not all is as it seems. Her captor is dead...right? So why does she see him in every shadow? And when Lena’s family comes to reclaim her, she has to admit a painful truth. She’s not Lena. My rating: 2.5/5 My commentary:

Sometimes, you pick up a book because you want to try something outside of your usual genres, and you get completely burned by it. Thrillers and crime novels aren’t really my thing, but they make up about 75% of the shelves at the library, so sometimes you just gotta suck it up and read the damn book outside of a genre you like. And I didn’t like it! It was boring! There was no tension!

Our protagonist, Jasmin, was kidnapped four months ago to replace her captor’s previous victim, Lena. The fact that she is not Lena is revealed very early on. As is the fact that the kids aren’t her kids. As is the fact that she tried to murder her captor, and thought she knocked him out, but apparently he’s dead. What I’m trying to get across here is that there was no tension, really. Many of the mysteries set up by the early book are solved pretty quickly. There’s an enduring mystery around Hannah, the older of the kids who also has Asperger’s and is written like she’s a fucking robot child because of it. Turns out she’s working with her dad to set her little world back up as it ‘should’ be, with her fake mum and her real dad, because of the autism! Totally not an upsetting portrayal of autism at all!

Half of these characters were interchangeable, I did not remember anything about any of the side characters so when one of them was revealed to be the kidnapper, I barely remembered who he was. One of the POV characters was Matthias, the real Lena’s dad who’s been obsessed with finding her ever since, to the point of harassing the press and beating up her old boyfriend. He lies about everything and is a hypocrite, so I totally assumed he was going to be the real captor - the clincher being that Hannah recognises him on sight as ‘grandpa’, and claims she’s met him before. But, nope! He’s just a creepy asshole that I guess we were meant to sympathise with, but he’s creepy and sexist and too obsessed with his daughter, but without any other character traits that might make that tragic rather than boring.

Ugh. I don’t know what else to say about this. The basic outline of the plot’s solution was predictable, the writing was boring and offensive, and I just had a real bad time with it. Fucking serves me right for going outside my genre, I guess.

Next up, something more delightful - and far spookier. Into the dark forest!

#Dear Child #Romy Hausmann #bookblr #book blog #book blogger #2.5

[noro-noro-noro]

this is super late but i just remembered last night’s dream

part 1: the cast of characters were all in the same class or something, & it took place in a suburban neighborhood. it reminded me of the old house. there was a porch with a nice garden & string lights. the richest girl lived there with her butler & her dad who loved her very much. her boyfriend was a bit of a prick. 

obviously since this is 12 hours later, i’m fuzzy on the details, but my sister found about about something & that girl killed my sister on an island, so i killed her, & then her boyfriend wounded me pretty badly, but i was able to brain him with a rock before he could finish us off. 

then i passed out, but i possessed his corpse & lumbered to the back prorch of the girl in broad daylight. as a dead person i couldn’t speak or communicate well, & his head was dented & blood was obscurbing his face & his shirt was filthy from fighting me, so they didn’t recognize him. i tried to say “your daughter killed a perseon on dome island” several times but the dad came out 7 shot me in the chest with a shotgun.

part 2: i thought i might be able to get away wtih it. i thought that i had a chance of not getting caught for a double murder. my friends knew about this - they had helped. not quite accomplices, maybe? but they made excuses for me , & they knew. there were 3 detective agencies in town. i could probably have dodged 2 of them. the third one was actually the mafia, who were led by some classic sexy guy with 5 o clock shadow & a nice white suit & like.pretty much the stereotypical mafia man from anime who is like both dominating flirty & sexy somehow. like could not get any more generic. 

anyway the bf’s parents hried the mafia to look into this, & i was like ah. fuck. shit. there’s no getting out of here. these people are known for their ability to find people. maybe my friends could get away though. we had met on a hiking trail tht day to hang out, but we’d barely gotten stsarted when the car pulled up behind me & the clasic sexy mafia guy was there & i was like well there it is. this is it. also this guy was the one who had orchestrated whatever it was that my sister found out that got her killed, & he was the one who sent out the order. so. fuck that guy

he also told his people to get my friends & i was like “hey hey they’ve got nothing to do with this! i’ll do whatever you like if you leave em alone.” & he was like haha hmm. lol! you think you can tell me what to do! get in the fucking car & knocked me out.

woke up in a very nice hotel somewhere but i wasn’t capable of being angry about it at all. he was also there, having had been stabbed in the chest, & bleeding out. i knew this was part of a ploy - whatever kind of brainwashing he was known for while i was blacked out didn’t work on me beacuse this was MY dream & i control my own brain, but i also knew i had to go along with him to work out what to do. he tolld me to get a knife and kill someone for their blood so he could use it, so i took the knife & walked out into the lobby looking for someone by themselves to kill for him, but it was during brunch & it was really busy. i told the receptionist “my sister is dead on dome island killed by [names] & i’ve been kidnapped” & then went back to the room, where the guy punished me for not stabbing someone. obviously his own stabbing had been fake. 

he trusted me anyway though a bit so i’ just would wander around pretending i wasn’t thinking. i went out to a field & looked up at the hotel & then hopped onto a train behind the hill, & then that was the generic “i’m on a train with no walls” dream so i don’t need to write that down here again

#dreams

[derailedfiction]

Run boy, run | Merlin | Kingsman

Chapter 1: Everything's going to be all right

Pairings: Merlin x Cecilia (OFC) | Merlin & Roxy & Eggsy| Roxy & Gary “Eggsy” Unwin | Percival & Roxy | Percival & Gary “Eggsy” Unwin | tbs whatever you can think about probably will be there Word count: 3019 Warnings: trauma, violence, swearing

Summary: Merlin sighed as he hung his head. The organization was going to be a mess by the time he got back to sort things out. Arthur betrayed them and paid dearly for his arrogance. Galahad had died in a suicide mission, thanks to Arthur. He didn’t want to think about the number of people who were either dead or barely alive after Valentine's incident.

A/N: I wrote it in 2015 pls have mercy on me

You have 100 voice messages.

Received 13th of March at 16.43 “Hey, I hope you will call me back soon. I know you are working and probably not available, but my mother is driving me crazy and she doesn't want to take care of Alex while I'm at work and you perfectly know I can't bring him with me. And it's time you usually are at home so I hope you will be back soon. Love you babe.”

Received 18th of March at 12.32 “Hi daddy, Mom told me that I can call you Daddy. I drew a picture of us having a picnic and you are playing with me. Mummy said that you need time in your work and I don't need to worry about you because you will come home. I don't like Mrs. Lewinsky she smells funny and doesn't want to give me any sweets... “Who are you talking with?" “Daddy...” “Can I? Hamish? Hamish...? Oh, you were recording sweetie?” “Yes Mummy.” “All right, say bye to Daddy and we can go to park.” “Bye, bye Daddy I love you.” “Max please call me back, I love you too.”

Received 20th of March at 17.34 “Babe it's my hundredth or so call and you didn't answer me! Anyway, I hope you remember that we’re having dinner with my parents. Alex is refusing to eat again and you know you’re the only one who can convince him to eat... It's been few days since I've talked to you and I'm starting to worry about you. I wish I could see your face and hear your voice. I hope to hear from you soon sweetie, I love you. Bye”

Received 21st of March at 15.00 “It's been like a week and a half since we've talked and I know at work you have hardly time to call me but you used to contact me when something was happening. I know you’re still alive because some sad man in a black suit would show up to tell me about it, but for fuck's sake! Hamish I can't sleep and Alexander misses you so much. I'm constantly worrying about you and it drives me crazy... Ok, I need to go... I love you.”

Received at 16.55 “Hamish? Could you please answer the phone? I don't know what is happening!? The town just went crazy! God damn it ... Get the fuck out of here or I'll rip your heart out of your chest! ...”

Last message received at 16.59 “... I am fucking bleeding... Uh... Alex sweetheart everything is fine but you need to go to your room and close the door with a key all right?” “Yes Mummy, what is that?” “Nothing darling it's juice. Mommy split her juice. Go to your room now, all right? Max please if this happens again... Hamish, I can't control myself what if I hurt Alex? Good Lord... I need you I'm so scared... If I don't call again... Hamish, I love you, I love you so so much...”

He sat in silence for a few moments, looking at the monitor thoughtlessly. Once again he listened to the record hoping that another message would appear but it didn’t.

“Oh for fuck's sake... “, he mumbled angrily, dialling the number. First attempt, no one answered. He tried once again. “Oh, come on! Please pick up the phone. Do it, do it!”, but the phone continued to ring. Seconds before he decided to disconnect he heard something, ”Hello? Is anyone there?”

“Daddy?” Hearing his voice was the biggest relief in his life.

“Alex, yes it's Daddy. Can you give the phone to Mom? I need to speak to her...”

“Mummy is sleeping on the floor. She doesn't want to wake up Dad.” He froze for a moment at those words, suddenly feeling numb.

“Alex, listen to me very carefully. I'm calling for an ambulance and you need to try to wake up Mummy - is that clear?” he asked, trying to sound calm.

“I called for help before your call.”

“Good work son, I'll be home soon. Just try to wake her up, please.” He heard sniffling on the other end and knew his son was close to tears. He could even see his son’s trembling chin, which always came before the flood of tears.

“I'm scared Dad...”

He's about to cry , he thought. The thought crossed his mind several times during that conversation. Why am I surprised? He's only five, for love of God.

“I know Alex; you’re a very brave boy,” his voice trembled a little at the thought of his wife lying on the ground, bleeding out, and a five-year-old child trying to help her. “Mom needs you son, you must wake her up at any cost. Spill water on her or try to pinch her. All right?”

“Are they coming again? The people? They were angry,” Alex sniffed loudly, trying to hold back his tears.

Max heard some muffled movements and moans in the background. He just hoped that his wife was still there and that she would make it.

“No, they're not coming back. Is over now. Alex?”

“Yes, Dad,” the little boy replied.

“I would give up everything to be there with you. Give you a big hug for being so brave, baby son. Everything is going to be all right. I can hear the ambulance from here. Can you see it?”

“Alex, baby?’ a faint voice called from the floor.

“Mom! It's Dad! He's fine.” Small gasp escape from his mouth when he heard it – she was alive.

“Hamish? Is that really you?” she asked weakly.

“Yes darling it's me...” he sighed in relief, “How bad it is?”

“Shot in the arm and leg and I think I was stabbed but it's nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you, you bald fool!” she said vigorously. He laughed quietly; it couldn’t be that bad if she had the strength to threaten him like that.

“I love when you talk like that to me but for now, you need to go to the hospital with Alex. I'll see you two soon. I love you.”

That was the last thing she heard before she lost her consciousness again.

***

She groaned as she pried her eyes open. The room was rather dark, which didn’t help with trying to remember what happened. She frowned, trying to see if something would come back to her – any memory about what happened before she woke up here – and then it hit her: that strange attack. There was a man who appeared out of the blue with a gun pointed at her and one with a knife. In that exact moment she felt an overpowering urge to kill them, actually anyone in that moment. She closed her eyes as she recalled snapping out of the strange trance, surrounded by two bloody corpses. She killed them – she had to – no she wanted to, oh dear Lord, she wanted to do it. She felt such satisfaction when she stabbed that stranger. In that moment, she swore that holding that knife in her hand was the best thing she ever felt. She felt united with it and she wanted to kill someone else. She went out and joined the mess of people were fighting in the streets. She got shot by someone but didn’t care much about it, as she threw the knife into her shooter’s chest.

I did it. I killed all those people, she thought, horrified. It was… a darker part of my soul. Dear Lord have mercy on me – I wanted to do it. I wanted to kill. She opened her eyes, which were starting to fill with tears. What have I done?

She couldn’t move her right arm which was bandaged and resting on the blanket. Despite the medications she was probably given, the pain was excruciating. Not to mention she also felt pain in her back and left leg. She tried to move but the pain became more unbearable, making her cry out.

“Don’t move. You were shot in the arm and you twisted your ankle. Try to relax, okay? Everything’s going to be all right,” a voice informed her. She looked at her left and smiled, relieved to see it was her husband.

“Oh darling, I thought you were dead,” she whispered. “You weren’t answering my calls and I was so scared that…”

“I thought I almost lost you,” he said as he moved closer. “I nearly had a heart attack when Alex told me you were lying on the floor unconscious.”

“Where is he? Is he all right?” the woman asked. She tried to look for her son without straining herself but couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Yes, he’s in company of one of my colleagues, relax!” Hamish replied as he stroked her hand. “Nothing is going to happen to him, Cissy.”

“One of your colleagues,” she snorted, “I hope it won’t end up like the last time… But do you have something to tell me? My dearest?” She looked at him firecefully with tighten lips. He was surprised at first but then he realized.

“Cecilia, love, you know how my work is,” Hamish sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t always have an opportunity to call and speak with you even if I wanted to.” He paused and looked up at her, well aware by her expression that she wasn’t convinced. “I know you are mad at me.”

“Mad? Are you fucking kidding me? Hamish, for fuck’s sake I nearly died! Alex could have been harmed too and you think I’m just mad? God, I swear I want to beat living shit out of you for not being there when I needed you!” Cecilia snapped as she slipped her hand out of his. “You have a lot of nerve for suggesting that I’m just mad at you! It’s been nearly two weeks since I last heard from you! I didn’t know what to think when you never returned my calls. I even thought you were dead!”

He remained silent, listening to her berate him for the lack of communication, for not being there for her or Alex. He had no excuses for this one and he couldn’t tell her the truth for his silence because despite Cecilia being injured, she could have killed him. Plus it wouldn’t make any sense to her – even if he was allowed to tell her his real occupation, she would think he had gone completely mad and would have taken Alex away from him. He observed her carefully as she tried to hold back tears and her concerns about his lack of communication.

“Cecilia, I promise it won’t happen again. I swear it. You and Alexander are everything to me and I don’t know how could I survive if I had ever lost you. Look at me,” he said as he caught her chin. He gently tilted it so he was able to look into her teary eyes. “I’d die if I had lost you, my dearest.”

“You are an imbecile.”

His shoulders sagged at that comment. Judging from her tone, he assumed that she was now highly offended by his actions and not satisfied with the answers he gave her. He knew the best thing to do was just take it like a man and hope that once she got it out of her system, she might find something in her heart to forgive him for not being there.

“I know,” he said as he waited for the next one.

“You are the stupidest man on the planet that I have ever met!”

“That is true, darling.”

“You’re a bald little shit, Hamish and I swear, when I’m better, I’m going to kill you.”

“Anything you say, darling. Are you feeling better?” he asked.

Cecilia saw the little grin on his face and she couldn’t believe it. “You think this is funny?”

“No, my love,” he replied before he kissed her forehead. “I’m dead serious and if reviling will help you then do it because I deserve it.”

“Good, glad you can admit it. Now shut up and kiss me,” she ordered him.

“As my lady commands.”

This time she smiled until he kissed her gently at first, then he deepened the kiss. With her left hand, she grabbed his white shirt and pulled him closer.

“Don’t you ever do that again or I want a divorce,” she whispered between kisses.

“Understood,” he promised her as he ruffled her hair tenderly. He leaned in to plant another kiss on her lips.

“You are the most evil, perverse and wretched man I have ever met. I love you but still I want to kill you, so don’t act too confident around me,” Cecilia warned before she stole one more kiss. She looked past her husband and noticed a jacked draped over the chair near her. “What’s that?”

“What do you mean?” he asked surprised by this rapid change of topic.

“That nice jacket on the chair which looks like a very nice piece of a pilot’s uniform, my dear. Am I right?” she asked. Her voice was as sweet as her little smile, which he loved from the first time they met.

“Yes, indeed you’re right. What about it?”

“Hand on to it - it’ll be useful in the second part of your apology,” she replied. Her innocent smile had turned into a very devilish one and Hamish blinked.

“Who are you and what have you done to my wife?” he asked with wide eyes.

Cecilia laughed quietly, still upset with him. She had plans to keep him on his toes, which made her feel powerful as she watched him react. “By your actions, you’re turning me into a monster, sweetie. Now could you please fetch Lexie? I want to make sure he’s all right.”

Without a word he went into the hospital’s corridor and smiled as his colleague Percival walked over with Alexander in tow. The young boy let go of the agent’s hand as he ran towards his father.

“Mom wants to see you, son,” he said as he held the door open. He watched the boy run into the room happily reaching for her and yelling how happy he was to see her awake. Hamish turned his attention to his colleague and nodded.

“Thank you for coming here so quickly and taking care of him. I’m afraid the shortest time I could make it from Valentine’s bunker to London was three hours,” he sighed. “I would have liked it to have been sooner but… well, I don’t need to get into messy details.”

“Merlin I know you would have done the same for me. It’s never a problem. Anyway…” Percival paused as two nurses passed by them. He smiled at them with a polite greeting before waiting until they were out of earshot. “I’m afraid we lost another one during this incident.”

Merlin sighed as he hung his head. The organization was going to be a mess by the time he got back to sort things out. Arthur betrayed them and paid dearly for his arrogance. Galahad had died in a suicide mission, thanks to Arthur. He didn’t want to think about the number of people who were either dead or barely alive after today’s incident. “I thought so but I will take care of it when everything is back in order. Now’s not the best time to talk or do anything. For now, I have enough problems with my wife…”

“About that, I believe that her brother is coming towards us and he doesn’t look happy,” Percival murmured with a slight move of his head. Merlin turned just in time to avoid the fist of his brother-in-law punching past him, missing his face.

“Matthew, it’s always nice to see you,” he said in a calm voice. “ I do believe it’s not the best place to start a fight, especially when Cecilia can see everything through the door.”

“This time you’re lucky she’s here but next time – “

“Next time I’ll tell her about your dirty secrets, which I’m really curious how she will react,” Merlin replied as he pushed his glasses up.

He watched as Matthew closed his mouth, shocked.

“Oh yes, I know that and trust me I know much more about you and your friends. If I were you, I would go to your sister because, at the moment, she’s who we should be focused on,” Merlin added after a while of enjoying his victory over his uncouth brother-in-law. “Off you go.” He watched as Matthew gaped at him for a moment before yanking open the door to Cecilia's room and entering it without looking back.

“Is he always like that?” Percival asked when Matthew had left.

“Not really… it started a while ago. Well, from the beginning I had a feeling that her father wasn’t fond of me,” he sighed wearily. “It’s quite obvious that my father-in-law must have encouraged him to make up his current attitude towards me. Never mind that. Thank you again for watching over them and see you shortly at the shop.”

“The pleasure is all mine. Alexander is an adorable kid, Merlin. Quite a curious mind – wonder where he got that from,” he replied. He smiled at Merlin and shook hands with him before departing.

Merlin stood alone in the corridor, trying to pull his thoughts together and organize them in a logical manner. Until they selected a new person to take over as Arthur, he realized that he was the one who had to restore Kingsman to its former state. The thought of the long, hard months he had ahead of him, made him feel worn and old. He wasn’t a young man anymore, shooting targets and enjoying a drink or two with Harry when they were recently inducted into the organization. He sighed before pushing all thoughts of rebuilding and restructuring out of his mind, he entered the room with a small smile on his face.

#merlin x ofc #kingsman fic #merlin kingsman #hamish mycroft #kingsman secret service

[llycaons]

ep31 (1/2): things are not so bad yet

tw: eye horror

I had to watch this on my mobile hotspot because my apt's wifi sucks in the living room :( anyway this is one of the most fucked up episodes in the show

but first: a happy boy planting lotuses. bare legs look. he's so handsome I love him

wq watching fondly 🥰 you know I love a lesbian wq reading but there's subtext in this episode that points readily to her having a thing for wwx

there's also subtext that she has a thing for jyl so pick your tragedy ig. the one sibling she definitely isn't into is jc

I love this face it's so cute!!

like here. she sees the invite and pauses heavily on lwj's name. wq isn't a selfish person by any means, but it's easy to see her settling into their lives here, content, with wwx, only to be reminded that the outside world - and someone wwx shares a deep connection with - is still out there

but when she hands over the invite, she only mentions jyl. so who can say

previously, wwx tried to keep wq from discovering the visit from his siblings because he didn't want to make her feel guilty, I think. but she doesn't seem guilty now, she just seems...taken aback. a little reluctant, if still perfectly pleasant. it's easy to read as self-denial. I think in her life, whatever she's wanted, wq has practice in self-denial for the sake of the group. that's something that lends itself rly well to a wlw reading

I thought it was three month/100 days this entire time....we went to my cousin's three-month, they rented out the whole upstairs of a restaurant and we had like eight courses. she's like, nine? now

I always feel bad for this baby in this scene. wonderful symbolism and all, it comes back really well later on. but this poor child is clearly not having a great time at the shoot

STOP this hurts so bad. wwx loved jl so much already and worked so hard and wanted to give this gift to him!!! and he never will know!!!

okay this is one of the things that was much better done in the book. in the novel wen ning attacked jzx BECAUSE of wwx's animosity towards jzx, long-held since childhood. obviously wwx didn't want to kill jzx in that moment, but he really did lose control of wn and wn acted on what he perceived wwx's feelings to be

in the show it was su she taking control of him and directing him to kill jzx, which despite my bias even I can agree is a weaker dramatic narrative

what a way to start this fight. wwx was almost DEAD dead

LEGEND. zixun has had altercations w wwx in the past and is a prominent member of the jin family, so the fact that wwx didn't remember him is genuinely so funny

YESSSS tell him

THIS EXPRESSION IS SO FUNNY. the doubt.jpg. like 'you really think you can do that? YOU? kill ME?

well he can still hurt wwx with his words I guess 😭

oh he tried so hard. he had such good intentions. he would have been a good dad

I find this aside neat bc we barely see jyl with other jins. jzx has accepted her into his family but is willing to go over her head for revenge and apologize later. and he's clearly panicked and afraid about this curse, which is really nasty

BUT jzx is loyal to his wife!

zixun talking about wwx like any association with him is a stain that will affect everyone he comes into contact with is so representative of how the cultivation world sees wwx and he knows it. they're talking feet away from him

FUCKED UP!!!!!!

IT'S NOT PARANOIA IF THEY'RE REALLY OUT TO GET YOU

if wwx had agreed to stand down, I don't think jzx would have tried to kill him. but who can say what zixun or the panicked archers would have done. and once they get to koi tower, I don't see any way out for them

dang, fucked up

and then-

you can see the instant he goes FUCKKKKK

DROPPING HIS SWORD HE DROPPED HIS SWORD

#cql re-rewatch

[freshairforrabbits]

WIP Wednesday

For pretty boy ch. 15; backtracking with Max's PoV (sorry this is a bit long but fuck it)

Tags: implied sexual harassment, implied past mass shooting (because unfortunately I don't see that going away even in 150ish years, what with Freeborn Ballistics being the canonical gun manufacturer of the Avatar universe, and I could get into all the systemic issues that lead to gun violence but that's for another time), implied past domestic terrorist attack with hate crime motivations, Original Characters, this is genuinely just an excerpt of Max's PoV of that end scene from chapter 14, what else can I say things are bad for everyone haha :')

"No! Fuck, god, no, I wasn't—" Spider shakes his head vigorously. "I never lied about that. I just… he never did anything. I mean he'd toss me around, he'd wrench me after him like some kinda nantang. But he always seemed, I dunno, he'd get this weird look when he'd realize how hard he was grabbing me. He checked on me every night. He was nice in a way 'cause I had information he needed— wanted, I tried to give him just enough, tried to kill him with the ikran, some other things." Looking down, Spider continues, "one of those guys on Scoresby's stupid ship though— he got all handsy. Pretty sure my Dad almost killed him when he asked why I cut all my hair off and scrounged up a pair of those sweatpants or whatever someone had lying around."

Max tries to pretend like that isn't it's own arrow through his stomach, like somehow he should've been trying harder to get Spider back instead of skirting along the outskirts of it all. Desperate and barely staying afloat at High Camp. Bridgehead was too big, too monster, too impenetrable wall and Spider was too maybe dead— hopefully alive; Kiri, she mentioned an explosion, and he couldn't help but assume the worst. 

"I just feel like it's my fault. It's mine, Max." Voice mangling on itself, Spider croaks. "He didn't, he wouldn't've— why would he fucking—"

"That's not your fault, Spider." It's not, he wants to reach over and remove the guilt with his own two hands, remembering that little baby with the curly poof of platinum hair wobbling around the lab. Even if Spider's the reason Quaritch is breathing right now, even if he can put two and two together, it doesn't matter, it doesn't. "This isn't your fault. None of this is."

"But I—" 

"It's not your fault," Nana cuts in. "The decisions that man makes are not your own— waeto?" 

"You guys don't— fuck, you don't get it," Spider tries to protest again, teeth flashing, but Nana quiets him.

"Understood?"

Spider mumbles a small 'yes, ma'am.' And Nana clicks her tongue softly, reaching out to lay a hand on Spider's arm where he has it resting across his lap, turned in the chair to face back towards the cargo hold, eyes stuck on the cockpit door. 

"Some daddies hurt their sons, wae? Okay, Spider?" Nana says, her voice soft the way she gets when she tells Akan folktales from her childhood to the Taam Ja' residents, everyone looking for a hopeful story to sink into, of a physically meek trickster in the form of a Terran spider who beats the odds with his cunning, his craftiness, his wit— a rogue, loveable mischief maker who is constantly outsmarting his much larger foes. (It was no coincidence Spider spent more storytelling nights with the scientists than back at the Awa'atlu mo'ara, ever since Nana carved a place for herself among the aytsantu, when she offered them everything she had including her stories. That Spider had brought along Kiri and Tuk, even Lo'ak once, who would leave a space for a brother who was never going to show up, and Spider would grin at the moments Anansi would trick Tiger into letting his prey free, or when he would convince a killer python to tangle himself up out of vanity.)

"Others will hurt only others. Fucked up fathers who love their families, who tuck them in, kiss their foreheads so gentle-like, yet they have these bodies rotting in their basement. For soldiers it's a bit different, the blood's praised, the violence is worshipped." There's something like an unfortunate understanding laced on her syllables. "Just because the colonel cared about you, defended you— it doesn't mean he cares about anyone else the same. But it means we are fortunate that he hadn't hurt you that way."

Screaming chases the last word out of Nana's mouth, muffled, outside of the cockpit, in the cargo hold, enough to make them all jump-flinch. Yanking on their exopacks, Nana clutches her rifle and leaps into action as she motions for Cricket to stay, to watch Judy, to guard the door. Spider slips out of his seat and is on Nana's heels before Max can snag the boy's elbow.

With the door open it's louder. Stomach turning, the sort of thing that flashes across Max's mind with crack thud bullet impacts, huddled in the tight, cramp, dark space of a public bathroom back in Texas with dozens of other people. Of scraping pavement with his small palms, after hearing the clink of still warm bullet shell casings kicked across the ground by his feet, by many feet. Tripping over the bikes left abandoned all across the sidewalks outside, his little brother helping him back up, asking where ma and ba are, where's Madeea— she's at home, she's home, Avi. Flashing lights, sirens, android dogs with their friendly voice boxes and dark vests guiding children to first responders so they can be looked over, reunited with their families—

There was a man, a father, he knows that now, who had screamed the same way. Fighting to get back inside the shopping complex, lighting up the neon walkway with his pounding feet in a scuffle as a SWAT officer held him back, then finally pinned him down as he howled and howled and howled. Too many echoed prints where people had run glowing softly like ghosts.

He sees his ba, covered in a dozen shades of gulal, hugging him and Avi far too tight. Ma running up a second later. Safe, not like that man's family, not like that father who shattered that day.

The Samson's hull shudders with the movement of bodies, something, someone being slammed down, and Max jolts out of the past. Thrown over thirty years forward in an instant; historic mass shootings far away. Jake's screaming has spilled into pleading that leaves Max breathless at the sound, hunching over, Cricket telling him it's alright, it's not Quaritch, it's just— 

"Don't! Don't! Fuck— !"

Jake's never sounded like that. This screeching, metal nails to chalkboard, prey flipped on its back expelling every last bit of air from its lungs because it knows it's going to die. 

Norm's voice whips through the line. 

"Max, fuck, shit, I'm sorry, Jake—" Max's heart skips, as Jake's yelling and thrashing echoes and Norm's voice comes through clear across it, sword cutting. "Max! How far out are we?!" 

Max relays the estimated remaining flight time mechanically, kicking up the speed by a few knots. And it all goes to utter shit because Norm drops off the comm after admitting he can't hold Jake that long, and Max knows what he's going to do, he almost leaps out of the pilot's seat to stop him. But he can't, he can only grip the console, flip switches, vibrate in place, call back to Cricket and tell them to get Spider's ass back in here, now. 

Because Quaritch is off leash, the rotors might be drowning it all out but he can see him up and moving on the camera helping Norm restrain Jake (because Cricket tells him what they're seeing, an edge to their voice, and the camera is blotched out with blue shapes that are too big and moving too much). Jaci's disapproval swims in his head because he knows, he knows she would've tried something different, anything different, but they don't exactly make a point to teach crisis management in the air on limited resources with people twice their size. And his hindbrain is still screaming they're dead, they are so completely fucking dead with Quaritch free to roam the aircraft's cabin like this is some evening trip to the sunken shores of Italy and he's a paying passenger with a VIP. 

Jake's shouting tapers off. The world lulls, shudders, Max's pupils shake as he shoots Spider a frantic glance when he's finally settled back in his seat. Quaritch does much the same on the square box of the camera feed, back to his corner behind the cockpit, Nana out there still with a rifle aimed, two blue shapes huddled on the floor of the Samson, Norm's head ducked low. 

"He's out," is what Norm relays, whisper soft, picked up clearly. "He's um, he's okay." 

Max wets his lips. Necklace feeling more like a noose on his neck, sweat creeps from his hairline down his back. "Norm. You…"

"I had to." 

"..." 

"Look I had to, what— god, what fucking choice do we have?"

"You cut him loose," Max states, like he's delivering bad news, the aggressive progression of a disease. Thankfully the cockpit door is closed once more. "You let Quaritch—" 

"I know." Then almost inaudible, practically throat click sounds, "I'm sorry." Silence lulls. "But if we'd killed that asshole back at the jetty, Jake would've— he would have…" Norm sighs, unable to finish it. "He's barely alive, Max. Just me with my avatar? He'd have jumped, he would've drowned or screamed himself right into a— a state of shock. Either scenario we turn up with a dead body. We're lucky, alright? We're—"

"We are risking everything." It's odd, how the tables have turned, with him realizing the gravity of this, of Norm seeing Jake and changing his mind about playing things very safe.

"Yeah. We are." Norm sniffs roughly, clears his throat. "I just want him alive, Max. I don't think that's too much, I don't." 

Sylwanin, Eytukan, Trudy, Grace, Neteyam, Mingxia, (Jake), countless others; names he barely knew and faces he barely saw.

Grief twists rough and razor behind his sternum. Of the people he's lost, even the ones light years back home. At the camera showing a scene of Norm's back angled towards it, huddled on the Samson's cramped floor with Jake gathered in his lap, trying to keep his chest upright because they both know he has some form of walking pneumonia.

Nana says through the comm that she's got an eye on the colonel, if he so much as twitches she'll shoot, a fire to her voice, a shake.

Spider hunches in the copilot's seat, swiping at his chin with the heel of his wrist, sniffing loudly through his mask he keeps firmly on. Cricket remains quiet, Judy doesn't make a sound. 

Max shakes away the image of his little brother crying much the same, huddled in the groove of worn couch cushions, bare feet tucked close, of the shooting, of the echoes of Jake's screaming, of everything and everyone and a dozen times where it felt like he was being crushed by invisible hands, and he presses on faster towards the thick squall of dark clouds, the flash of purple lightning ahead.

#pretty boy film #anatomy of a house #me when the cut off for this seems ominous but its not its just a run of the mill plasma storm #in the context of the rest of the chapter it makes sense and is integral for them getting back to Awa'atlu ☺️ and then other places #world building my ass off for this chapter even though im not the best at it but i have to start somewhere 😈 #showing dissociation through Max but its a lot different to Jakes genuinely just going wild going ham #Taam Ja' is Maya for deep water and the way that Na'vi dialects dont have the J sound #i really made the scientists name their new camp something thats hard to pronounce but its important i swear 😭